#im trying to make jokes right now but i barely even have the energy for that. im just really sad.

[unlimitedhorsepower]

i made preliminary plans to put my horse down in january today:( idk why im making this post i just want everyone to know about hippu and that she exists.

im so tortured whether its the right decision or not and whatever i mightve done wrong or not good enoug or if i should try something else and if the only person (the stable owner) i can discuss it with is right or not and its just way too much to explain lol

i feel bad about january too, because hippu was born during the summer, so to make plans to say goodbye to her during the coldest time of the year in the middle of the winter makes me feel sad. i wouldve at least wanted for her to go during the summer. but i suppose that only matters to me

heres some pictures i took of her today when i was keeping her company while she worried whether her buddy will also come in to the stable or not.

she looks so scruffy because shes changing into her winter coat. i called over to her and she looked directly at me and looked goofy.

shes my first horse and she will be my last horse too. someone laughed today when i said that (”thats what they all say, you always get a new horse”) but i know its true: its just too much money and time i dont have because im always so sick for no reason, its not even that i dont like horses or cant see myself loving a different horse as much, just the bleak reality im afraid.

once i wanted to be a pro equestrian, now were here, feels funny to think about.

[saintshigaraki]

please, if you have the time and/or are feeling generous, please expand on that horror soulmate ran idea where he likes flexing his influence and power over you while you’re on shift….what kind of restaurant does reader work at? is the high-end kind where customers who look as rich and charming as ran come often…..or is it some regular diner/local favorite and ran likes coming over to call you sweetheart and darling and he likes tipping you $50-$100 bills………………………..he tips bigger and orders so much when he brings some work associates over during their lunch break or something 0_0

dior im so glad you ask bc I've been ruminating over these very questions for like a month....

yandere tw, ran is harassing the shit out of you at work rip, soulmate au, she/her pronouns for reader

i think you work at a really small rundown sort of place open 24 hours. pulling 12-hour shifts 12 days in a row just to pay the bills. it's pure and total chance that ran and his...associates waltz into your establishment. it's late and you're so so exhausted. you absolutely do not like the look of them. they're dressed nicely, too nicely for a place like this and they don't even bother trying to hide the guns peaking out from their waistbands. and beyond that you can smell it on them. you know their type. the type that get too handsy, that hold their tips over your head. make you do a song and dance and for what? the two dollars they'll so generously leave you when all is said and done? it's a fucking joke and you hate them all before they've even said a word to you.

your feet hurt so badly that you're limping a bit when you go to greet them and the smile you put on feels carved into your cheeks, throbbing like a wound. all their faces look the same to you. a big blur of dangerous man after man after man. you write down their orders without really listening. you want this over as fast as possible. you were set to be off in an hour, but with a group this big, you know that's now nothing but a pipe dream. god you're so so tired--

"and what is it you'd recommend, darling?"

something about the voice makes your eyes shoot up. airy, smooth, and nonchalant in a way that makes you grind your teeth and reluctantly pulls your attention. there's a nauseating sort of authority in it that has your hackles raised.

you're a bit shocked when you see who has spoken. he's pretty. long hair, obviously well kept, a tattoo on the side of his neck that makes you rather nervous, but it's his eyes that makes you step back. you feel the shift in the air when your gaze meets his, a crackling energy, two halves being made whole and all the other sappy shit people say when describing their first meeting with their soulmate.

no one mentions how scary it is, though. it's like you've lost a limb. or gained a parasite. you swear you can feel him in the back of your skull, already eating away at you. you don't want this. you don't want this. take it back you almost say aloud. please please take it back.

the man (your soulmate?) doesn't say a word. there's a slight quirk on his lips, but that could be anything. could mean anything.

you take a breath. you're tired—very tired—and now you're imagining things—delusional. your heartbeat slows. everything's fine. it's fine.

"ah ran, you've left the poor thing starstruck," a man to his right says, jostling him a bit.

the man—ran—tilts his head, still waiting, rather patiently, for a reply from his apparently airheaded waitress, struck down by his pretty face.

it's rather scary, being the sole focus of his attention. it's as though he's flaying your skin from your flesh, leaving you defenseless. like you're nothing but a young girl again, alone and cold and hopeless beneath his eyes.

it takes you too long to gather your wits. "the omelets are okay, good for a cold night." you just barely manage to keep the trembling from your voice, a shrillness that would in any way reveal your fear.

he smiles now, a real one. and it scares you. so amused by you, his little shaking waitress. "just okay?" he asks, taking pleasure in teasing you no doubt.

"this isn't a place you come to if you're looking for something gourmet." better to be honest than to get their hopes up. you can smell the money on them.

he laughs and you have to bite back your tears, you really dont like him. there's terror worming it's way beneath your skin. "it was a last resort, i'll go with the omelet, darling."

+

when you bring out their food you assume that will be it, at least for a little while. you'll refill their drinks again and again and again and pray they'll be gone by 2, but the worst of it is done. you'll hide in the back for the most part until they're gone. it'll be fine.

your hopes are quite quickly dashed once you set ran's food in front of him, avoiding eye contact but unable to keep the tremor from your fingers. before you can dart away his hand lashes out, forming a shackle around your wrist. tugging you far closer to him than you'd ever want to be. 

"why don't you join us for a bit. you seem tired. perhaps you're a bit hungry too?" he asks it like a question, but you know it's not. he has that sort of authority about him that lets you know he's used to be listened to. used to giving out orders and having them followed. you don't like it, and you make excuses even though you know it'll bode badly for you.

"i can't sir, i'm so sorry, but im still working and my boss will be--"

he cuts you off quickly and uncaring. "he won't mind."

he most definitely would, you think. your boss reminds you of ran a bit, in the way that he likes to exert power over others. quick to insult you, quick to admonish and threaten. he most definitely would care if he saw you sitting with some customers, even if the rest of the place was deserted.

"sir," you start again, "i could be fired please--"

"what's his name?"

you're taken aback. a bit confused, too. "your boss, darling. what's his name?"

there's a long pause before you say anything at all.

"hikaru," you tell him at last.

he smiles at you, tugs you in even closer. "thank you."

he smells good, you think absently. expensive. 

"hikaru!" he yells suddenly, causing you to practically jump out of your skin. your boss is quick to appear, looking like a beat dog. he seems to recognize ran, and he seems to be scared of him and you really, really don't like that.

"is there something i can help you with, sir?" he asks, timid as a mouse. your heart stops. there's something wrong here, you think. there's something very wrong and it's too late. its too late.

you're sitting beside ran now, his arm wrapped around you and his hand rubbing your shaking shoulder soothingly. "you wouldn't mind if she joined us, would you? we could use the company."

your boss' eyes flit over to you, just barely, before he bows his head again. "of course not, sir. it's no problem at all."

ran turns to you at that. "you hear that, darling. no problem at all." you look down and can't help but notice drops of red marring the pristine white of his dress shirt. it's right on the cuff. it's dried now, more brown than anything else but you recognize it for what it is.

you can't help but think you've stepped into a bear trap of sorts, and now your foot has been cut clean off. you’re screaming and screaming, trying to staunch the bleeding and ran won’t stop smiling. 

[beweepbomp]

I NEEDED TO URGENTLY VENT BECAUSE IDK WAHT ELSE TO DO.

A lil background. I knew my sexuality as like early as 12. I had two gfs but never anything physical. Now as adult trying to venture out to physical things with another woman. This person we will refer to as Lizzy, from the convos we had never was with a woman in any manner ever but interested to try with me. Okay now this is the insane shit i went thru. enjoy.

Lizzy matched on tinder with me and she asked after some great chit chatting to exchange #'s. Sounds great what could go wrong. After several back n forth spicy texts of what we want to do finally we say hey we should definitely meet up. A few days pass by to finally our meet up date. Science. Ghosted. Okay no biggie. 19 DAYS LATER “Hi i got busy how are you?” I brush it off things do happen and I’m trying to be reasonable. I reply with a hello. No reply again. 40 DAYS LATER “How are you?” At this point I roll my eyes. This is not worth the energy but wow she’s actually replying back idk maybe just shit happens. She tells me it’s been a busy summer travel & work. Okay fair. She shows me cute magnets she made and tells me she’s house sitting.

After a few text exchanges she’s asking me to come over. I get hesitant but she insists. WHAT COULD GO WRONG I SAY? I text her I’ll get ready and take an Uber over. Let me tell you i was giving femme hotness. My skirt was so hiked up. My cute shirt low v cut. Had a jean jacket since it was late into the night. I’m jittery with excitement. I call my best friend she gets the address and says to text me after etc. I order the Uber which was $30+ DOLLARS but i was too excited to care. In the middle of my Uber drive she texts she’s having a panic attack and throwing up. I feel awful. Did i freak her out? But i kept reassuring that we don’t need to do anything physical even when i arrive. No pressure. Assuring to have full consent before engaging in anything. But she insists she’s stuck in the bathroom throwing up and to turn around. Now I’m over 20 minutes away from my apartment around 11:30pm in the middle of the damn suburbs. I arrive and ask by text if i can just sit in the living room until the next Uber comes she says no. I’m outside alone in a foreign place terrified. I video chat with my best friend explaining the situation and she’s in shock as well. Putting me in danger in the middle of nowhere , just alone. Just perfect. My gay ass in the wind trying to remain calm since the streets are barely lit and i have no immediate way home. The connection to data is shitty but im able to order another Uber. Another $30+ out of to go back. But it’s fine no one’s fault right.

She insistently asks texting when my Uber will ber here. My connection isn’t great but it shows 9 minutes. It’s been at least 8 minutes now but the Uber isn’t properly showing the accurate time. My best friend what a god send kept me sane as i waited but a car pulls up and it definitely isn’t my Uber. “Oh i thought you were the girl im meeting with.” OH MY GOD i laugh almost loosing my mind. I point to her house, “oh no no she’s in there.’ Thankfully my Uber arrives as the guy calls out you’re beautiful. Oh thanks bud. Lizzy texts me to say that’s my friend helping me with my panic attack. of course i say seriously you have to be fucking joking. I freak out on her thru text and she insists she’d never intentionally try to put anyone in danger and every other excuse in the book and STILL try’s to see if we will meet up again. Of course i tell her she is fucking nuts and maybe next time be a hospitable hoe if you’re gonna be a hoe at all. I’m not against it but also don’t make a crazy lie and embarrass me. I have no idea im like crushed to seek out afraid to have the same experience of wacky shit. What do i do???? Help pls

[packsvlog]

hi there cutie i hope you’re well! i was hoping i could get a jjk match-up? PRETTY PLEASE AND THANK YOU ❤️

- i’m pretty short, 155cm 🫣 and on the curvier side. i like to wear heels for this reason lmaoo

- i’ve always wanted to be one of those mysterious girlies who have an intense aura and makes others wonder what’s going on inside their head, but i’m too loud, bubbly and expressive to be anything like that 😔

- i’m not a shy person by any means, i love meeting new people and making friends always came easy to me. i can talk someone’s ear off about any and everything, even i’ve only known them for 5 minutes 😭 i’d like to be more reserved in that sense but ITS SO HARD bc i like to say what’s on my mind and always feel the need to put my 2cents in every topic even if no one asked.

- i make myself giggle with my own jokes.

- have been told that being around me can feel like such a ‘rush’ due to how lively and chirpy i am. i try to hold myself back bc i don’t like overwhelming people.

- really into makeup and fashion, and in general just always making sure i look my best. i’ve been told my hair and eyes are my best features.

- i can be a bit of an airhead sometimes, most of the time. i trip over air, have butterfingers, i could be looking for something only for that thing to have been in my hand the whole time, that sort of stuff 😪

- i like collecting plushies, especially cute foodie ones!

- i’m a violinist. when i play, it’s the only time i feel like i have my shit together 🤩

- i love anything taro flavoured; drinks, steamed buns, cakes, etc..

- i buy fresh flowers every week bc they’re pretty and bring life into any room/space 🌸

THATS ENOUGH IM SORRY super keen to see who you pair me with me! 🙈💕

OHH, HIII!! i’ve been waiting to do yours since the ask you send me, yayyyy!!!

•⁀➷ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. . . ﹫ 𝘨𝘰𝘫𝘰 ៹ ༉‧₊˚

everyone in jujutsu tech knew that the universe was against them, not because they are sorceress and their life will be short, is more for the fact that you and gojo satoru met, and it became everyone’s problem.

the moment gojo sat by your side, he a second year and you a first, he barely introduced himself before shifting his attention to your heels as part of your uniform.

“how do you run from a curse with this shoes?” he asks.

“i’ll show you.” you got up from the bench and started to run. he was impressed, but thought he could do better.

few hours later, returning from a shopping spree sponsored by the gojo clan, you both are running in stilettos on school ground. sorry to say it, but he won the race.

you can try to be a mysterious girl, and it can work the first few minutes with your friends and strangers, but never with satoru. one look at you, and he knows what you’re thinking. both of you develop this head and eye signs to understand each other, and it creeps geto and nanami a lot.

satoru loves to have you rambling whatever it’s on your mind. you read a newspaper about a random topic, such as the eldest animal alive, and somehow you will start to talk as if you personally knew the creature. gojo, always enchanted, will encourage it.

if no one asks, he does.

gojo knew he had to have you, and so he did. now, years later, when adulthood has reached, the male is still as devoted to you and your babbling as he was before.

you don’t think there has been a day you held yourself back from talking. on your first week living together in a penthouse, gojo came home tired from a mission, you kept yourself quiet while hugging him, until he tugged you along to the bathroom.

“talk to me.” he says while starting his shower, you sat on the floor while whispering of your week, and when gojo was drying himself you were already explosive yapping about anything and him mimicking you.

you’re his energy.

gojo loves to see you walking around barefoot, he is reminded of his first time seeing it. how short you became right away, how he laughed at your cuteness. you told him that it’s not big deal, he is taller than anyone no matter what. but, it’s you — his favorite person in the world, barely reaching his chest.

when you play violin and he is at the house, you know he will drop anything to come your way and sit, staring at you until your cheeks grow red and you have to pause your playing to beg him to stop.

“i’m not doing anything.” he raises his hand, innocent eyes and devilish smirk. “just appreciating the show.

so, you will play again, not daring to look at him but feeling all his six eyes on you. devoted.

a good word to express satoru’s love for you — it’s always for you, always has been and will be.

──── 𓇼 ° ⋆ FUN FACTS ᵎᵎ

۫ ּ ﹗satoru loves that he knows you better than no one, and the best way he found to prove that to himself, others and you is by spoiling. he randomly picks you up from your job and takes you to the mall, anything you stare for more than five seconds will be bought. usually those things are high heels, clothes and makeup.

۫ ּ ﹗you both know he doesn’t need you that to buy it, he knows you’d style and what compliments you the most, and vice versa as well. whenever you both go out to a fancy place, all eyes are on you. two pretty bad bitches.

۫ ּ ﹗weekly dates are a requirement, they aren’t usually fancy, because you both rather be somewhere allowed to be a little weird and loud. so, cute bakeries and picnics are a must. he always buys you the taro flavored, he also likes to ask to taste only to say it sucks.

۫ ּ ﹗you and gojo have a little play fight every week, both coming home with bouquets and trying to out-stand the other. satoru mostly looses, but every month he comes home with the flowers, a taro drink and a new plushie to your collection, so he wins.

۫ ּ ﹗he is a little shit with your antics. you trip over something and he is there to catch you, saying “did you fall for me?” yes, idiot. and if you are looking for something in your hand, he won’t tell you, he will indulge in it, searching with you. such a bitch.

[cmyk-anaglyph-honeycomb]

Helluva Boss S2E9 blind blogging

[did the minimum about of editing and half of it was done while I was at work, so please excuse any grammar mistakes.]

(Mostly relating to the last episode)

Again, Stolas refuses to just talk. He was walking away and teleported Blitzo out of the building but now, after ignoring texts, he gets pissy cuz Blitzo wants to talk. 100% of this is because Stolas doesn't want a conversation. Blitzo misunderstands his intentions and jumps to conclusions, but when at least 3 opportunities to talk are given, Stolas shuts down.

Also where was this desire for a real relationship months ago after Blitzo admitted that he didn’t see their relationship as anything other than Stolas wanting to sleep with him. THAT is when they should've had an honest talk not mouths of avoiding each other.

(Okay now this ep)

God they made Blitzo so obnoxious to prove a point.

Veronika is a famous popstar, wtf does she care enough to throw an anti-Blitzo party? They have barely interacted in the show, never once in this season, why is she suddenly so pissed at him? How does she know Stolas is an ex, that happened recently.

If Stolas is that ‘done’ with Blitzo why doesn’t he just teleport him off the property again?

"Im UnCoMfOrTaBlE wITh HoW yOuRe SpEaCkInG tO mE nOw" fuck off. You had no problem going on a rant about all the dirty shit you wanted to do to him while he was being fucking gun down but now that shits uncomfortable. 

Stolas said whatever he wanted to Blitzo whenever he wanted and the second he doesn't feel like it, talking like that is breaking a huge boundary. Jump off a bridge.

Where did he get the impression that Blitzo and Striker were friends? Besides the games he never saw them around each other. Gives of the ‘these kids are near each other so they must be best friends’ energy. Like, no, they just met.

"You knew someone was trying to assassinate me?" 🥺 Yeah your wife was screaming about it two feet from your face. If it wasn’t important then, it isn’t important now.

I'll give Stolas the Striker thing and immediately take it away cuz it wasn’t like Stolas sounded afraid or even concerned during the phone call. How tf was Blitzo supposed to know royals could get hurt? Striker only had one angel weapon as far as IMP knew.

"Why would I allow everyone to see how much I like you? How I’ve tried to try so fucking hard to show I like you, to support you."

Fucking when? Where? Name literally one time. That shit at the harvest moon festival doesn't count because if Stolas actually cared he would've paid attention to how uncomfortable Blitzo was with him shouting pet names directly into the microphone. He’d know that him and Striker aren’t friends. Blitzo using the book was an arrangement for sex that Stolas offered. That is not support.

The one and only time their relationship was called out by others Stolas hid his face. Anything after has been in private and not where anyone, not even Blitzo was a witness. Ozzie is the only other person Stolas has openly confessed his feelings for. And he's with his own imp, so of course he isn't going to make a big deal about it.

“That was still the gayest thing I’ve heard all day!” Ignoring the actual line, why is he going feral? Wtf is this scene for? It's so out of place for what’s going on. This is something Loona would do.

“I don’t own you dick.” He’s right tho. Stolas tried to change the relationship without giving Blitzo a heads up or even communicating properly and then got butthurt when he didn’t get the answer he wanted and that was before Blitzo went off on him. And that’s after months of avoiding each other. This talk about changing their arrangement should’ve happen after Ozzie’s. Or at least hinted in Seeing Stars.

Why is the murder family wife getting an apology like she didn't try to kill IMP too ?Why does Blitzo know where she lives. DHORKS shouldn’t get apologies either, kinda ruins the point of Blitzo doing this ‘my name is Earl joke’ if he's apologizing to these people he had the right to hurt. I wonder if Moxxie got an apology.

The party has no music, making it the funniest scene in the series.

I knew they were going to make Veronika the bad one but good lord what is this. Are she and Stella drinking the same crazy juice? That made her Lute levels of crazy. 

You're telling me that ALL these people are Blitzo's exes? That insufferable ass? Is he supposed to drop dead gorgeous and the crew didn't tell us?? cuz no way this annoying man can pull that many people.

How did Blitzo get that far into the party and no one, all of which are there because of how much they hate him, didn't notice? Did he sleep with that many people or just date them? Why are any of these people wasting their time like this? Blitzo isn't important, he doesn't do anything. He is another asshole in hell, a place filled with assholes. Wtf is Blitzo's shitty behavior so out of place?

Oh look another situation where Stolas being in a relationship with an imp is not given any levels of importance or notice. 

So Tex is just mouthing the words right, cuz no way his voice is just blending in like that. Why is he here? 

Did they recast Stolas's singing actor? This song is bland. The singing is okay, but the music might as well not be there.

He's whining about still wanting Blitzo but refuses to speak with him or attempting to get him to have a serious conversation. He has no idea what Blitzo wants and has never asked once.

Stolas is drunk now? He only had a few drinks. In the circus he downed an entire bottle and was fine. Now a few drinks of spiked punch and he's wasted?

They throw this party every year!? You are shitting me. Why? He has signs posted everywhere. His crew is three other people, just kill him if he's that big of a problem. 

The creators cannot convince me that all these people care more about Blitzo than the oppressive society they live in, a member of which Stolas is.

Stolas's drunk rant kinda reveals that he wants to be loved and less that he wants to be in a loving relationship with Blitzo specifically. Interesting.

Seconds later Stolas is flustered by some random guy just asking to dance. Interesting.

How does Verosika know about the apology tour? He walked out on her when she said I love you, okay that's bad, but after spending so much of the episode making her look like a crazy ex, it gives off the impression that he dodged a bullet. At the very least Blitzo is actually in the wrong and it isn't some misunderstanding like with Fizz.

Glad they addressed that Blitzo being bad at relationships is a weird thing to focus on but it isn't explained. Unless he is extremely abusive, many people should not care about him / still be angry. These people live in an environment where they can be murdered at any time and almost no one would care / do anything to help. Compared to all that, a shitty boyfriend is kinda nothing.

I’m glad Verosika wasn’t completely shat on during this episode, especially in the last bit. We probably won’t be seeing her again but at least she got to leave with grace. 

I like the ending song.

Final thoughts. This episode worked overtime to make Blitzo the bad guy. It pulled maybe 100 people out of nowhere to justify Stolas’s anger and for what? The way he was so quick to hook up with another guy, shows he doesn’t care about Blitzo, he cares about the idea of a good relationship. That’s fine on its own, but the first part of this episode and the end of the last was about Stolas making his shattered pipe dream Blitzo’s problem.

Out of all the episodes that do not have a B plot why is it this one?

[littlemissprettyprincess]

This is for everyone who seems to be "struggling" with states + what I can suggest + My success story.

-Have you ever been one of those people to reach "that moment" in manifestation where you wanted to be, even if you have never either it doesn't matter. You know how much of an outsider and annoyed/obsessive over loa when seeing other people succeed and couldnt really find what would work for me. Sounds like you, huh? You are not the only one, I'll tell you exactly how to get out of there + master your manifesting skills and a bit of self-concept.

The. answer. is. staring. right. at your face.............................................Yes.

"But anon, wdym by that??" What I mean is that notice how all of these people who post their success stories are in the state of easy/effortless manifestation. Like they mention how easy it is and how effective it is. Thats because of their state, they chose to occupy the state of someone who does the bare minimum in loa and still gets wtf they want. It doesnt matter how many times you repeat your affs, persist, mental diet, you wanna know why you waste energy doing that? Is because your occupying the state of "difficult manifesting", meaning you obsess over it, you try so hard but "nothing" comes, you feel you need to do the most to get it. Notice how all of these points I made fall under the state of "difficult manifestation"?? if you were in that state, those things I just mentioned would've been what you experience. Why?? BECAUSE YOU OCCUPIED THE STATE OF SOMEONE WHO ISNT SUCCESSFUL IN MANFESTING!!!

A thing I def reccomend when using states to manifest is to understand the 4D IS THE TRUE REALITY AND NOT THE 3D. Yes I know you're tired of hearing the same thing but now that you have a shifted paradigm on states, it should be easier. What I did was know that the 4d is the blueprint, kind of put it on the pedestal but not in the negative way. It was a way where I didn't ignore the 3d and affirm against it, but focused on my 4d and stuck with it. Because "ignoring the 3d and affirming agains it" simply implies that your 3d is filled with undesirable things and you affirm against it.

Cause trust me I've been there when I say living in my 4d was making me crazy, but you know why it did? Was because I looked at the 3d for validation/ didnt trust what my 4d is saying. It's kind of like y'know when you like a guy/girl and your friend warns you to stay away from that person but you get annoyed at them because you think what they're saying is bullshit?? Same thing applies. If you dont trust your 4d and realise it creates the 3d and is so much more powerful than what you experience, when will living in the end ever be a fullfilling thing to do? Get it? "Fullfilled" LMFAOO I'm so hilarious, but enough of my corny jokes. Heres a summary

-Be in the state of someone who is a master at manifesting/self concept etc.

-Know that your 4d creates everything, when its done in your 4d, its done in 3d, a simple way to put this is just live in your mind because when you realise that, you change your imagination, you change your reality and there is so much power in knowing that.

-ANNDDD THENNN you can apply everything else like persisting, repeating affs etc.

I got perfect self-concept doing this, like I got compliments today and I felt so confident, I love the way I'm so pretty, like why am I so perfect and gorgeous?

I manifested many straight niggas to like me at my school (im black and gay) let me tell you!!! a nigga stopped and walked back and stared at me to see "Damn who is that??" I was laughing so hard.

Overall my life has improved, I get things to go my way and yeah. thats about my successes. I might start a blog but because of how disrespectful anons are Idk if I should.

-tysm lovies, stay hot nd mysterious, and know how powerful you are!!!! stop wavering!!!!!

omg, thank you so much for sharing this ! i hope this helps some people ! ♡

[webginz]

i had the worst shower ever. i was like, tripping out. reminded me of my "episodes" i had in middle school. just like voices and not knowing where i am. and not being able to get back to reality.

well now im on my way to the dentist, theres no way in hell they wont be able to notice i was just crying. (from fear of going to the dentist, not from the shower thing lol)

im so scared :(

[took out a part here but it was just about stress and disordered eating things from this morning]

then i got to the dentist and it sucked. long dentist story ahead

okay dentist. everything that couldve gone wrong, went wrong.. i tried acting normal, and we had small talk or whatever like normal dentist x ray stuff, but she could instantly tell something was wrong with me, i guess.

she gave me a health form to fill out. i was still chill and this point and was like oh yeah i have blood pressure problems but its only if im up moving around!! so not doing that at the desntist hehe amirite?! i also checked anxiety and i think thats what she wanted. just personal confirmation everything was gonna go wrong.

after she learned i had anxiety, she was nice, too nice imo... like i was a child. im okay with that though i guess. (i mean.. she could definitely tell i was just done crying)

she was like "the xray blanket is heavy and could help with ur anxiety" BUT I WANTED IT OFF AND COULD BARELY TALK SO I JUST NODDED. it made me feel so overwhelmed immediately. THIS IS WHERE EVERYTHING STARTED GOING BAD

im also just constantly aware of my hair and when you lean back on the stupid dentist seat my hat falls off. its like LOOK THE FREAK WHOS SCARED OF THE DENTIST AND PULLS OUT ALL HER HAIR!!

whatever. so there i am on the dentist chair. bald spots for the world to see. xray blanket sensory overload. sunglasses on top of my regular glasses. but im pushing through.

she starts using the tool on my teeth. a metal vibrating thing that sounds like a drill. my worst most awful fear is high pitched drilling noises. if im in a good mood i can put up with them for a bit, but obviously todays not that day. i try not to freak out, but she notices and asks if im okay and im like "yah" (with tears)

but then my mom comes in and shes like "can you not do it a different way?!?!" "shes freaking out" and just making everything WORSE. (used the chaos here to get rid of the dumb xray thing)

ive been on and off hyperventilating through all of this btw... i heard one of the dentist ladies say "shes crying and breathing really fast..." which was like. kill me now please god.

so back to my mom asking "can you not just do it a different way?" they do have a different way btw. without the scary machine! but then dentist lady says "she used this machine the last 2 times she was here? we dont have enough time to do it manually." (proof i was just having a bad day and i totally can be normal!!! but hearing this made me feel awful like i could feel all the dentists were thinking "she did it fine last time why is she carzy today?!?")

she then asked to step away to find the MAIN dentist lady.

at this point i was crying shaking hyperventilating and felt like i was gonna throw up from nervous energy. also my mom is pestering me a bunch (shes concerned but making everything worse, her hearts in the right place tho ily mom)

so big boss dentist lady is here. she says she looked at the xrays (from the beginning, remember?) and i have A GAZILLION CAVITIESSSSSS!!!!!

she says for my dental things from now on i should go to a SEDATION DENTIST!!!!

i was so out of it i didnt even know what to say. well now i do!!!

im not usually that scared. i was having a VERY BAD morning.

the dentist i go to now is all women. the sedation dentist is a MAN, that none of the women there had ever met. I HAVE TO GO MEET A MAN TO SEDATE ME SO I CAN BE ALONE WITH HIM? SO HE CAN DO MY TEETH? i might have a silly joking tone to this post but with this im being so serious. im scared as hell that thats just gonna end with me being raped.

i dont like male doctors/dentists/anything and always have my mom with me when i have to. there was a female assistant when i had my endoscopy and female nurses when i had my surgery. i dont want to be alone, asleep, in a room with a man i dont know. JUST BECAUSE IM SCARED OF THE DENTIST???

god i keep seeing stuff in the corner of my eye as im writing this. i think my psychosis is coming back for some reason.

every things going wrong today and forever

pls like/reply this post if you read it all im sorry for my ranting

[borathae]

Chapter 11

You peek through the spy first. You aren’t that reckless. wattpad canon yn gotta learn from her

WHO IS IT?? no jimin pls old man?? is he evil and young like the queen in snow white

damn the familiar, letter and invitation everything just hits soo magical haha very old fashioned in a fairy tale way gregor pointing at himself is uwu pls im crying over a cute grandpa

“Ah, no don’t bow" ... “Of course Miss” .... bows again, same energy as dont apologize its ok, im sorry ..... oh sorry again

baby the old man is probably younger than him ACTUALLY NO ITS HIS DAD'S BESTIE family friends you know ahah haah ha 😃

Lace up boots with a petit heel and toe cap.OMG ITS SOO HOT MOMMY SHOES SHUTU P IM BARKING ALREADY ASAAAHAAJS

It looks handmade, all of it, DID HE DO THAT ?? “It feels wonderful on bare skin. You should try it out some time.” STOP I HAVE A LIFE Golden and the diamonds and pearls are clearly real. HOW RICH IS HE WTF

“Nope, I’m out”, you say and close the box quickly, “this is too much.” mood

OMG OUR BABIES FINALLY YAY HI KOOKLES

how did he not see/smell us???

“It’s pretty”, Jungkook whispers, fumbling with his thumbs. OMG HE SPOKE DIRECTLY TO US AND DIDNT RUN AWAY im selling my non-existent properties to him HOBI STOP TEASING THE BABY

“Two hundred bucks?” me if i win it: WE ARE RICH NOW WOOHOO

dont tell me hes gonna wear his old uniform haha “His grandfather served in the war. It’s his way of honouring him. Right Jungkookie?” right 😃😃💀💀 I bet your grandpa would be so happy to see you Jungkook” 😭😭 im dead pls

OMG TAE SEND US A WINK *FAINTS nooo we just got 2seokook for a second talk to them pls

what’s with this seductive intonation of ‘pleasure’ as if that means something to you?ofc she wont remember it ugh joon fuck you

poor yoongles being ignored tae: 😍 yoongi: -_- jimin: 😒 namjoon: 😏

FUCK OFF JAMAL boi wdym u can make it ur convo?? 👀😃🤨

ofc father louis williams suga adams junior the third wont like to dress up for the ball

It seems like everyone hated each other secretly and as if smiling was forbidden.  reminds me of tae saying friendship as a force of habit

hmm joon likes it U AINT FORGIVEN tho 😒🙄I TAKE THAT BACK

“Inspiring?” you make sure, laughing nervously, “you mean evil, don’t you?"  SIR??

very evil vibes, no more daddy vibes marty im scared pick me up

“what’s Gregor doing at her place?” ..Taehyung seems…frightened TAE IS SCARED THATS IT BYE IM LEAVING TO UM IDK MARS

Taehyung seems to visibly relax, even going so far as to exhale in relief.  phew we got 2seokkook to save the day

“Will you children be quiet for once?” Yoongi growls thanks HE IS THE MAN ONCE AGAIN, solved jinmin's petty fight (major??)

“Why is everyone staring? Continue you with your pointless existence, will you?” KING SHIT YALL

He disappears behind a pillar and then you can’t see him anymore. boi wut where did u go???

TAE IS SCARED AGAIN???? WHY IS JOON ANGRY they are almost hypnotising you, “yeah, okay better this way.” ok again this hypnotizing shit aah

wow we are going to make out here?? ok i will take that haha im not confused anymore haha, jokes aside is he hypnotizing us? cuz she is taking more time to think and just easily disregarding everything else

who's close?? jimin and joon?? wow shit seems so intense wtf its just gifts?? unless tae is broke and he took a loan for it

holy shit tae could be a whole ass kilgrave with the mind control. How long does it take for the power to wear off? was jin also controlled like that?

fuck jin's doing the same thing except he is trying to calm her down

fuck im so confused scared and slightly pissed

WHO IS IT?? no jimin pls old man?? is he evil and young like the queen in snow white

lmoaoaooa imAGINE FAHSDF

damn the familiar, letter and invitation everything just hits soo magical haha very old fashioned in a fairy tale way gregor pointing at himself is uwu pls im crying over a cute grandpa

like it's so romantic JFADJFJ my bitchass would fall so hard for it JFJDASFJ

Lace up boots with a petit heel and toe cap.OMG ITS SOO HOT MOMMY SHOES SHUTU P IM BARKING ALREADY ASAAAHAAJS

HAHHHA Not you going into horny mode JFJDS

It looks handmade, all of it, DID HE DO THAT ?? “It feels wonderful on bare skin. You should try it out some time.” STOP I HAVE A LIFE Golden and the diamonds and pearls are clearly real. HOW RICH IS HE WTF

NO BUT IT COULD ACTUALLY BE THAT HE MADE IT HE IS ALSO WAY TOO RICH *sucks his dick*

how did he not see/smell us???

boy was probably well fed and not feral for onCE jfjasdjf

“It’s pretty”, Jungkook whispers, fumbling with his thumbs. OMG HE SPOKE DIRECTLY TO US AND DIDNT RUN AWAY im selling my non-existent properties to him HOBI STOP TEASING THE BABY

he is such a shy bean in SA I sob :(

“Two hundred bucks?” me if i win it: WE ARE RICH NOW WOOHOO

NO BUT ME FR bro no joke I spend 2.200 € yesterday on new photography equipment and I would literally kill to randomly get 200 bucks :')

what’s with this seductive intonation of ‘pleasure’ as if that means something to you?ofc she wont remember it ugh joon fuck you

like ugghhh rancid nasty

poor yoongles being ignored tae: 😍 yoongi: -_- jimin: 😒 namjoon: 😏

lmaooa for real fajdsf

FUCK OFF JAMAL boi wdym u can make it ur convo?? 👀😃🤨

BRO IS SO CONFIDENT LIKE BESTIE.

It seems like everyone hated each other secretly and as if smiling was forbidden.  reminds me of tae saying friendship as a force of habit

mhmhmmmmmmmm

“Why is everyone staring? Continue you with your pointless existence, will you?” KING SHIT YALL

HE IS SO ANGRY IN SA I WANT HIM

wow we are going to make out here?? ok i will take that haha im not confused anymore haha, jokes aside is he hypnotizing us? cuz she is taking more time to think and just easily disregarding everything else

like the hypnotising has to STOP

who's close?? jimin and joon?? wow shit seems so intense wtf its just gifts?? unless tae is broke and he took a loan for it

lmaoo imagine 😭😭

holy shit tae could be a whole ass kilgrave with the mind control. How long does it take for the power to wear off? was jin also controlled like that?

LIKE LISTEN HE IS ACTUALLY SO SCARY *sucks his dick*

[sparrowofthedawnsworld]

Ok so I’m the first person who wrote in about Danny thoughts earlier and here’s one of the ones I had yesterday but it’s kinda long winded and has like none of the good parts that a whole fic would but if it does anything to you like it did for me maybe that’s where you can come in and make it better 😂

So like we already know Josh is BIG cause he puts it all out on display in that frickin jumpsuit every now and then and it makes me go crazy. But I like to think that Danny is secretly just as huge if not more so cause he’s such a large human in every other way and maybe it’s just my inner size kink coming out but I just want this giant curly headed beauty of a man and his hopefully very well endowed genitals to ruin me into next week please.

Imagine, if you will, just watching him at the end of the bed throwing his hair up in a messy bun with his lil bangs out before he grabs you by the thighs and drags you down to where he’s kneeling so he can eat you out like he hasn’t had a meal in days and make sure you good and satisfied before he even thinks about his needs (which are probably slightly uncomfortable at this point but I also like to think he’s a giver like that and doesn’t mind).

And then he flips you over and props you up with a pillow or two under your hips for a better angle since he’s so tall before he begins to fuck you so good from behind while he’s standing at the end of the bed. He’s grabbing your hip with one hand for more leverage and pinning your arms behind your back with his other. And he’s so big that it stretches you out in the best possible way and gets so deep while barely even trying. It’s all so good that he’s knocking the air out of your lungs and has your legs a quivering mess.

When he finishes he’d lean right over you and place hot steamy kisses along your shoulder blades or the back of your neck in between grunts of pleasure as his big hands release your arms to squeeze your ass. After taking a minute to regain some energy he peels his sweaty body away from yours and slips out of you before stepping over to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. When he comes back you’re already starting to doze off and you haven’t even moved a muscle yet cause I feel like getting fucked by Danny would honestly wear me the hell out like this.

So he wipes you both off a bit and stands where your face is turned to kiss your forehead and make some joke about how “it looks like someone’s ready to pass the fuck out” before you quip back with something like “cmon I know this was just your plan to make sure Im too sore to go on that hike we talked about tomorrow”

He pulls the pillows out from under your hips and puts them back at the head of the bed before hopping into his side and extending a hand for you to grab and help yourself crawl up so you can spoon together with him completely encompassing you in his size and warmth and presence ugh

FUCK OKAY- i- the first thing I thought of after I finished reading this, was Danny just fucking me completely to sleep.

I have a strong feeling this man can go ROUNDS.

[ceilingfan5]

hellooo!! for the ask game:

i think everyone should have a cat au, where one or multiple of the main characters turn into cats somehow and everyone else has to cope

nyeheheh >:3

VERSION ONE:

taako turns into a cat sometimes, kravitz is very affectionate about it but also Taako He Swears To God (i actually made a post about this a million years ago, where sometimes taako just. polymorphs into a cat and flops in kravitz's lap when he needs a bit of physical reassurance but can't quite articulate it...mmm)

taako is also a fucking menace and the more recently he's been a cat the more likely he is to fully give into the impulse, already barely restrained, of just knocking glasses off of tables, biting people, taking shiny things and keeping them forever, and so on

he especially likes to climb on kravitz's shoulders in cat form and rub against kravs stubble <3

VERSION 2WO:

the tres horny boys get fuckin wizard blasted into being kitty cats and cause absolute havocmayhem on the moon. magnus has the zoomies. merle is eating the house plants. taako is. shit does anyone have eyes on taako oh lord

VERSION THREE:

The IPRE gets bond engine blasted into goddang warriorcats but theyre so bad at it. i mean lup rules obviously, she'd be In Charge in days. you aint never seen meow meow war like this. who taught the fight kitties horrible magicks and foul language. how could this possibly happen. something something firestar

barry is the kitty pettest. i could make a swimming/riverclan joke but to be honest im only a warrior cat fan in law, i don't know that much and mostly i am imagining barry trying to catch a fish that's bigger than his fluffy kitty body and getting absolutely trout slapped

magnus has a lot to say about how he wishes he was a dog instead but fucking loves it

dav is a feline mastermind. he also has the tiniest little legs. mr. murderbritches ass. you know he could take you down but the awww response cannot be denied. lucretia also has kittypet energy. she wants to know Fucking Everything the medicine cat knows and is like, furiously trying to figure out the world logic that makes this society even semi-functional. it drives her nuts that merle just accepts the medicine cat stuff. she goes on a field trip to learn about cat hell and nearly doesn't come back

taako loves having a tail. i mean i tend to have my elves have tails anyway but like. goddamn imagine having a tail. now im jealous

version FOUR:

everybody at the BOB is cats suddenly EXCEPT our main characters, which is so fucking funny. the three of them are up to their elbows in kitties and magnus takes herding cats very seriously. merle is like. listen. what if we didn't fix this problem. and gave up. and taakos like TOO RIGHT until he has a squidward moment and is like wait. director kitty cat can't sign my paycheck. guess we're going on a wizard quest

Version Five:

angus is a shapeshifter and taako finds him asleep on the world's softest blanket and purring and has a Fucking Emotional Moment that will never, ever be spoken of ever again

[roboyomo]

MY MIND IS JUST INFESTED BY THESE TWO GUYS ATM RIGHT BEFORE BED AND IM SAD THAT I DONT HAVE ANY NEWER ART OF THEM I ONLY HAVE THE OLD STUFF I NEED TO DRAW THEM MORE AGAIN

okay this will turn into a quick rant about them so uh the first guy is Amor (real name Bao), who has an absurd hair length (perfectly laying on the floor) and he wields a human sized axe and he was originally the lead scientist and the founder of the laboratory of the clan in the lore (this will make zero sense but ill explain it all later at some point i swear) in attempt to change his negative attitude towards meeting new people, and help them with the discoveries, the research and the inventions at the lab only to trust one wrong person (its kenix his uncle) and literally have everything he built be crumbled into small pieces and now he is so shaken from the incident about how people dont trust him at all now that he almost changes as a person from this 21 yr old guy who loves science and tries to be more open to people to a guy who will be a killing machine once he will be blinded by his hysterical moments of anger, hating his body so much, thinking it is no longer his but a "monster's" to the point of upon seeing his own reflection in the mirror, he breaks it with his bare hands (he still tries to keep a facade of a great leader to try and regain the trust from society of the afterlife but the rumors about how 'dangerous' he is have already done great damage). amor can be immature with his jokes and stuff but he can be a totally caring and loyal person when treated right but no one except few people know what a real person he is, just an enthusiastic curious scientist at heart who wants to lead others into the bright future with him and the bright smile on his face but the anger and the grudges, and the hidden emotions and feelings keep holding him back from being able to finally heal

second guy is apollo who is a more opposite to amor. he is a calm and kind person (so kind that his kindness gets taken advantage off by the people he thinks he can trust but theyre pretty much using him for their own gain, except for amor and the other clan members, not lab coworkers)

even tho hes different compared to amors more high energy personality, he is amors best friend since childhood (since they were 10!!) and are pretty much canonically married (both are 21 yrs old physically). apollo and amor both founded the lab together promising that they would help others. After Amor's incident which is just the entirety of "Inspiration"s Peak Insanity story chapter, Apollo was pretty much the only one actually working at the lab but then he also got fucked over by the narrative (got cursed and while cursed and not even being in charge of his own body, killed the souls of his already previously dead parents and little sister, listen this is complicated but theyre all these afterlife human(?) beings that if killed, are gone into absolute nothing) and he was already sad enough about them, this only made matters worse as he started to think that he deserves to be dead just like them and how "he should be punished eternally for this sin". he makes a new routine for himself to distract him from his despair only to start overworking himself until he does not know about the concept of "free time". he also has this feeling that he has neglected this whole time but it is his wish to be loved and valued for who he is and not the sweet facade he is putting on but deep down he knows that this facade is who he truly is, he is just so lost in himself that apollo is not able to recognize who he actually is

despite their problems amor and apollo both have their own perspective "you saved me and you helped me so much i wouldnt be the same without you" view on each other since childhood and everytime they are able make me sad

[hailieshapedbox]

my younger cousin has a lot of mental health issues and its really affecting everyone in the house n we dont know how to help him help himself/: its a bit tormenting on everyone. ive tried to help a lot but i had to stop bc it was affecting my mental health and he started be really mean, now i see why everyone has to minimize how much they can help and be around. i just gotta vent real quick though bc i cant take this sometimes. my uncle missed his psych appointment with his main dr. twice and had me reschedule it bc his assistants that fuck everything up, had it all fucked up. i made my uncle buy a whiteboard to keep track of all his shit bc i have enough projects for myself, i texted him multiple times throughout the week about the appointment and helped with other reminders on top of other things for his business (and his friends jewelry start up). i texted him the day before and the day before that about the appointment, i put a post it note on the coffee maker that his friend just let fall aside and got coffee all over (but still it was right on the counter), and he still woke me up to ask me what time it was at and even had the nerve to tell me to get ready in an hour to “help get him going and get him over there”. bruh i went back to sleep, i was up for 2 hours tryna sleep laying there like a dead fish or whatever they say n barely got a couple hours. ive told him so many times ive been dealing with insomnia and he just thinks everyone has trouble sleeping and doesnt understand n ive told him im underweight and how i have no energy and its like nobody ever hears me when i ask for help. hes woken me up probably 10x now n i started hurting myself tbh bc my peace was being too intruded. i got handle and control of that though, i dont wanna hurt myself you know. but only coping method that ever helped. whatever when i got up i did knock on my cousins door n ask if he heard his dad and i texted him bc he didnt say anything. i went to go work out. when my uncle got home he saw me working out and tried to get me to go with and ik its only bc he wants me to sit in the office so he can nap in the car. i even made a joke about it and he agreed laughing and went to go take a nap. instead of going to tmobile to get this kid a new sim card that hes been needing and begging for for going on two months. lmao bruh i try

this was just one morning i could write books of diary entries accumulating my emotions but i dont have time for that tbh im procrastinating n finally writing out bc i just want this week to be over i want it to be monday i want it to be next month when my brothers getting here and my mom comes over and imma make ed come back in town.

idk if yall noticed but until valentines day, i hadnt posted anything the entire month of february. took this long being single to realize valentines day is my favorite holiday and i couldnt missy opportunity to share my heart. i even posted on iG for the first time in like a year. i love love, its all i am, its all i need.

ive had so many post ideas too, but everyone is asking so much of me. its crazy because a few months ago i fucking begged the universe for more responsibility and god damn did i get it, im really trying hard to manage and stay aligned any way i can. im getting close to getting really good. im tryna get there so soon bc i see it through so clear but i just cant. even stopped drinking and cut back on weed a bit bc i just dont have time for it.

i had a whole other thing to rant about and i could have so many others, does kinda help to vent it especially writing. i forgot what it was once i started writing about valentines day and happier things. its funny how easy it is to flow into different emotions, yet so hard to control that and discipline that. even when i then after put myself into my happiest spaces, just doesnt always work. thats why when i see the opportunity for happiness i take it and thats why i dont get stuck on things easy, i hate stagnacity (wrote a song about that the other day). not easily influenced, but easily inspired. music actually usually does it. well imma go see if it still smells like campfire in the shower n do that or something else productive n try to make the most of whats left of the day. fuck i usually post this kinda stuff in the middle of the night so not to many people see it, i try not to be a bother or negative. love you all always

[qualityrain]

ive heard of honkai impact but i never really got a look at the actual game itself whats your favorite guy like??? how do they work with the plot?? love you bye<3

there is sO much to say and absolutely nothing at the same time

this isnt going to be coherent at all

whats your favorite guy like???

this is going to be very inaccurate because at this point i cant tell what is canon or not + rlly disorganised

tbh. like a generic emo guy. a family guy. ride or die. his love language is dying for you. actually really chill??? and like kind of straightforward (at least to one of the main characters in the game. whether it is for plot or an actual character trait nobody knows) shows no emotion whatsoever(never explained). will kind of crack jokes. highly efficient, won’t do more things than necessary(this is definitely canon). hasnt slept well in like 10 years (vibe). takes promises really seriously. the i owe you and i WILL pay you back guy. he’s an older brother. has STRONG annoying little brother energy with another character that is literally my favourite dynamic in this entire game with 5mins of screentime together. a piece of shit. will talk stupid shit to lighten up the situation. he will do anything for his goals(probably). this guy definitely has trauma and mhy wont ever address it and he’s repressing it like crazy. like has this dude ever processed the whole i almost fucking died and everybody i love is dead thing properly yet. i could tell you his height but not his birthday. its 173cm. i refuse to believe he’s taller than 170cm. there’s probably more but i don’t know what else to say. this guy’s barely a character in the game, there’s absolutely no depth at all. all i have are vibes and my brain ran with it and now this guy has been in my head for 2 years now.

how do they work with the plot??

short answer: they don’t.

long answer: his role in the plot is to parallel another main character(mei) and it is done so so so soooooooo poorly. he appears in one (1) arc in the game and appears in 2 chapters and its imo the worst arc in the entire game and its almost irrelevant and every new chapter that gets added makes me wish more and more that this arc doesn’t exist. I genuinely do not know why this parallel needed to exist like. why? why do we need this parallel to see the main characters with an outside perspective?? there’s probably a reason its just this arc is terrible. they couldnt even get meis arc right in this arc like its sO BAD.

mei has this whole ass scene where she just accepts having to kill this guy!! my fave!! the blorbo!! shes like oh i cant hesitate anymore i have to do this for my girlfriend(basically)!!! AND THEN SHE HESITATES AGAIN AND DOESNT KILL HIM AND IM SO SO UPSET AND ANGRY BECAUSE WHATS THE POINT. she has this whole moral dilemma of ohh noo if i kill this guy its like im a hypocrite or smth cos im doing the same as this guy but i gotta to protect somebody i care about!! for this arc and then SHE DOESNT KILL HIM. he dies another way!!! resolving to kill somebody is not the same as actually doing it!! im so upset abt this because its so. whats the point of the whole scene where mei literally collects herself to strengthen her resolve to not hesitate and kill this guy and shes like oop i guess i wont!

im going to be real i try to forget as much as i can from this arc because i hate it and its probably all wrong and inaccurate but i still hate it to bits and i wish mhy wasnt scared to make mei commit murder

this isnt proof read at all this is a word vomit ive spent over half an hour on this and 3 days thinking abt this. there are definitely things i wanted to add and forgot almost immediately.

thanks for the ask!! 🫶🫶🫶

[dumbbitchfrommars]

"princess diana"

why is my making an effort to look and feel pretty, when i am in a low place, trying to break away and distract myself from the seemingly endless stress and turmoil my life is right now, exactly WHY is that such a fucking crime?

why is it that i feel like such a caricature of a woman when i make an effort to feel in touch with my feminine side? why does it feel like an overcompensation, an oversaturated and overdone attempt at hiding behind a costume? why when i look at my sisters in their many different states of being, does it all seem so effortless, when all i want is to feel like myself, like my best, like im beautiful too.

why is it such a crime to want that feeling of security and safety for myself?

i am completely afraid of going on this trip and having to face my true self, to be vulnerable with a person i dont trust and avoid completely, to know that everyone sees the block that i have in me and how pathetic it is that i can barely break through. like they all clearly have. because theyre all so fucking emotionally grown.

apparently i hide behind my maturity to avoid my wounded inner child.

all of the sudden im walking around with a target on my back.

maybe i was too quick to stop seeing my psychologist?

cause right now all i feel is rage and frustration and pain. because i really do feel like im alone, and no one including myself can make me feel safe. yet all i have ever done is try to make everyone else feel safe in my presence. when will this energy be returned to me?

why is it such a crime to ask for these things for myself? why am i so unworthy? because i dont have a fucking second to be alone when its all i fucking crave from life? for the past month all i have wanted was a second to return to myself. to workout again, to do yoga again, to go for a walk with myself again, to appreciate the lovely little beauties in life that only i can share with myself because there is no one else like me. to see from the perspective that i lost and quickly became more and more restricted the more i felt in survival mode. trying to rush to get every task done. every task that no one else would ever do.

right now it feels like no one truly appreciates the uniqueness of who i am. they just see all my flaws and weaknesses. i guess trying is not good enough, i guess something has to change.

somethings gotta give.

my best change comes from distancing myself from external energies when i come to these roadblocks and uncomfortable feelings within me, but it seems like distance could be a hard thing to reach at the moment.

even the fucking cat doesn't like me.

nobody likes me when im miserable.

its the cold hard truth.

nobody likes you when youre miserable.

sorry! dont like you. good luck with your depression and anxiety. youre on your own now.

i understand in a sense, not having the time or patience for it. i feel like maybe when you reach that plateau of spiritual growth you do tend to step up on the pedestal above all the puny, pathetic undeveloped non-spiritual folk.

what makes them any different to me in this scenario?

not nice being the one below looking up huh.

the difference between me and the people who i cut off - people i slowly distanced myself away from and never once was hurtful or bullied, just genuinely stop resonating with and took the step back from - is that i am making an active effort to try become better.

but apparently my own timing doesnt work for you. apparently my process doesnt look like yours and therefore is not valid. and so i become the butt of a joke that im not laughing at. or i am... because im a people pleaser.

fuck my life.

am i not allowed this one moment? this one reprieve from the shittiness of my situation at the moment to be completely and annoyingly drained, pathetic and enraged? is that not allowed anymore????? let me fucking live my life! this was my first day off in god knows how long, and i still ended up with a schedule jammed full of plans to run around doing things for other people!

im supposed to be writing my FUCKING THESIS!!!

my fucking fucking fuckoubgrafubnbge thesis .

AND OF COURSE TO TOP IT ALL OFF MY DUMBASS COWORKER OVERCHARGED ME WHEN I CAME IN SPECIFICALLY BUYING A PRODUCT FOR THE FUCKING DISCOUNT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh.

its so exhausting to carry all these pent up emotions around with me. like a child. a child who doesnt know what to do with it all because its too big.

the most hurtful thing to me is that no one shares my unconditional love and adoration for all small humans and animals. especially dogs. even the ones who claim to be the closest to me, my best friend, sisters. to not share it, to not even acknowledge it in me, to reject that part of me. to judge that part of me. who the fuck do you think you are? claiming to love me and not see that side of me. to not want to see it. to ignore it. to reject it...

some part of me... i think its my inner child. its a part of my inner child. but not me when i was little... me when i was bigger, but still little. she wants me to sit it out tomorrow. to leave myself out to send the message that im hurt, and im angry, and i dont want anything to do with people who hurt me. that they have done something wrong, and should know that something is wrong, but i wont tell them why.

then theyll ask me what happened, and ill say nothing even though its something. and hold onto that pent up resentment until the next thing goes wrong.

or i tell them, and its explosive, and messy, and poorly executed, and very well mean the end of the relationship in its entirety. all for a small moment that triggered an insecurity in me.

god im so sensitive. im so sensitive but no one wants to see it. no one wants to acknowledge it. because my walls are so far up that i wont let them. and when they notice... well. i guess it doesnt matter.. because ive been hiding so long. im always hiding. whenever it shows, its rejected. i keep feeling so rejected. what the fuck is going on with me...

i feel like a pathetic child.

im hurt.

im tired, im exhausted, im burnt out, ive overextended myself, all i want is for things to be light and fun again but it feels like it never will be. it feels like it wont get better in time for the trip or the festival. it feels like im gonna let everyone down. it feels like im just one huge disappointment.

what happened to not taking things personally?

i keep thinking that to myself. but thinking it and embodying it are two different things. im repeating the words to myself like a whisper in the background, as i watch myself continue to fall deeper into this despair of "why me?" like a viewer behind a TV screen.

i actually have noticed ive been disassociating a lot more than usual lately. im just mentally checked out. i wish i could just... disappear somewhere. somewhere totally isolated where i could be by myself. maybe ill get that at the festival. maybe what i feared, being abandoned, will be exactly what i need. to just float in the water and stare at the sky for as long as i need to forget all my problems.

i dont know whats going on with me now but i just hope its over soon. i hope its over before it gets bad enough for me to revert to my old ways. i just want to be okay again. i just want to feel safe again, and to not be afraid, and to not be angry, and to be in love with life again. to be in love with myself, to accept myself, to not hate myself, to not be angry with myself, to not feel like its all coming apart, to not feel like im doing it all wrong when im giving it my all.

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. honey nut cheerio lefty eyebag 😌

I have been sleeping early than usual actually. I think I am just ready for the last few days to past but it feels like the week is dragging lol

Oh wow that is pretty late. I'm surprised that Emily had energy to open presents and play at that time hahaha I would have been telling her to go sleep or santa will take the presents back lol just kidding I wouldn't do that to a 2 year old.

By the way, has it snowed there yet?

That's exciting! Are you guys going to just drive to Texas or fly again?

I tried moscow mule once.. was not a big fan of it 😅 I think I only really ordered it for the little mug hahahaha 😆

Same, I think most places that I've been to that served tiramisu only uses sponge cake. Yeah, I'm planning on making that mango dessert again but with less condensed milk. I am already too sweet. Hahahaha just kidding 😂

CA does have a lot of filipino places 😭 my uncle lives there and I want to visit him next year so that he can take me to all the restaurants that have good filipino chefs. Here there's only one place I know that was open a few years ago, but I don't know if they still are after the whole covid thing 🥲 there is a lady that I found on Facebook that caters and does pick up orders for filipino food though. I ordered her food once and it was decent.

Do you guys have Indonesian snacks that you'd recommend? Since I can't find any Indonesian restaurants here, I may be able to get snacks at the small oriental store we have in Omaha.

Hm that's interesting 🤔 all your movie choices have barely any dramatic scenes. Have you always been like that, not wanting to cry because you think it shows weakness? (Sorry if that came out bad and rude, I don't mean to be rude)

I have to think about mine too because I am drawing blank for 3 movies. I can only think of one that always make me cry and that's the Phantom of the Opera - the part where they sing all I ask of you and then the ending part around where Christine kisses the phantom.

Next, name 3 movies that you could watch on repeat and never get tired of.

By the way, I made a separate account and started writing! Well I don't know if you'd consider it writing, but I posted mostly conversation stuff between r and characters (mainly Wanda).

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello corn-punn!

How r u today? Aw thats no fun u sleep earlier than usual.. just kidding.

Why u cant wait for the days to past? R u that ready for new year? 😆😁 whats ur plan for new year?

Haha yeah, i let her play but then she followed whn i said it's time to bed..thank god..hahahha.

No, it hasnt been snow or anything here..im so upset right now..🙄 it's not even that cold here.. only 66.

We r driving to t3xas.. it's only 3.5 hours.

Haha i love moscow mule. It's one of my favorite cocktails. I have a set of the copper mugs n the shakers. My husband gave me. Lol. I guess i love moscow mule that much that he gave them to me.lol. my most favorite drink is apple martini and a cocktail named buttery nipple 😅 (it's baileys and butterschotch schnaps).

Haha i used to joke like that about me being too sweet already n thats why i dont need any more sugar on anything 🤣

But i agree with u, u r a sweet person so dont put too much condensed milk,okay?

Hmm right now i cant think of any snacks.. i like Beng Beng it's like snickers but more chocolaty n less caramel. I like the superman wafers.hahah. there is this sweet tea it's called teh botol but it's in a box 😅 it's my favorite. It's very famous there.

Ah i see. Yeah sometimes facebook have some information of our country food..sometimes it can be pricey though. U can google indonesian food n if u have any questiom about it, u can ask me.

Yeah,i'm always like that. I guess it's because i try to look strong in front of my sister. U know, to be a good example for her.

My sister is more expressive than i am. I would try n pretend to be strong until i break down n even that i usually choose to be alone when i have a break down. 😅

So it will hurt my pride too if i cry just because of movies.

I love phantom of the opera.. n that All I Ask Of You is one of my favorite song from that show.

3 movies i never get tired to watch..well,since im in the mood of rebel so i will give u more than 3. 😅😆

1. The Proposal

2. White Chick

3. Any modern family episodes

4. Devils Wear Prada

5. Age Of Ultron

6. Greta

7. 13 Going 30

8. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

9. Hot Chicks

How bout u?

Next questions

Cheerio!

[love-toxin]

You’d defo be like I told you not to eat those three day old leftovers and he just moans more into you, wrapping his hands round his face even though he’s buried his head into your tummy, while your nice feeling hand is rubbing his. Definitely gives off all the small whines and sounds and maybe if it’s really bad gets a little sparkly eyed, looking up at you sadly and you just melt at his puppy eyes, doing absolutely anything to make your baby boy feel better

im absolutely weak 🥺

"you know I hate to say I told you so, but...told you so, honey. I knew that beef had gone bad."

he moans from within the confines of your stomach, face squished against it to block out everything but you. he's been laid out on his side on the sofa for at least an hour now, halfway into the fetal position with his knees pulled up almost to his hips, and one of his only comforts has been your hands on him--one of which is in his hair, stroking his curls and pulling them back from his sweaty neck, and the other having pulled up his shirt to bunch it around his chest so you can rub his belly in slow circles. the warmth helps, and so does your voice, even when it's gently reprimanding him. and Eddie's got his arms locked around your hips to keep you from leaving, even though you wouldn't think of it when he's in such a tender state, especially since it was your cooking that he had insisted on eating despite being reminded that it was way past expiration and should be thrown out instead.

but Eddie's comfortable with you, more comfortable than he can be with any other human being on this earth--more comfortable than anyone he's ever been with period. which is why he can choose to be vulnerable with you, to drop the theatrics he so often uses as a shield to deflect the stuff that really hurts, and sometimes make decisions that will really hurt him because he knows you'll be there to get through it with him.

"feel like a fuckin' garbage factory..." he pipes up, and mere moments after he trails off, an absolutely foul burp erupts from his throat along with an "oh, god" that almost makes you laugh, if not for how wretched the smell is that comes after it.

"you definitely stink like it!" you can't help a chuckle at least, but your hands don't stop caressing him, and if anything the one on his belly grows more firm as you try to calm that bloating that he's been cranky about for the last half hour. "did that feel better, baby boy?"

"don't call me that," he pouts, despite snuggling deeper into you and holding you even tighter. "m' your prince....your hero..."

"yes you are. my sweet prince who's stronger than any best before date."

"damn fuckin' right. I'm a badaaaaasss." if he could, you have no doubt he would be flexing his arm just to draw a giggle out of you, cause he's always teasing like that--but it seems like that self-inflicting joke is all he has the energy for, because he slumps into your hold and moves barely an inch once the words leave his mouth. you're certain he's tired, must be exhausted from his body fighting against him for that incredibly sweet if not very dumb decision.

so with nothing more to say, you keep touching his hair, keep massaging his tummy to keep away that horrendous ache that hopefully won't keep him up all night--because god knows that if it does, you're gonna have an even grumpier boyfriend tomorrow morning who's gonna demand even more cuddles to heal him.