#idk man ive been having the time of my life on youtube lately

[echokelly]

okay so like im super stoned so lmk if im cooking or just saying absolutely nothing but I feel like we're kinda seeing a renaissance of mainstream youtube if that makes sense. like we've been living in a mr beast hellscape for too long, and now we have like the sturniolo triplets, jake and johnnie, tarayummy, sam and colby too doing spooky stuff, and like brittany broski is getting super popular too,,,, idk i feel like specifically mainstream youtube that everyone kinda watches is genuinely good for the first time in awhile

[spearxwind]

I have to figure out a way of getting more interest in my oc stuff without needing to draw as much because I dont have the time or energy to draw as much as I would like, which includes a lot of concepts and/or scenes that are in my head only but can't commit to drawing, but it feels like most people are only interested in visual stuff as opposed to just written stuff (and for good reason, visuals are flashy and all!) It just makes me a little sad that I cant draw and share everything Id like to show, and what I can do most is talk about it, but that barely ever gets responses unfortunately

[sleepy-vix]

journal/braindump 26/3/24

i hope life gets better soon. school is so miserable and weird and i just constantly feel like my physical shape is blurred and i'm but a a faceless entity drifting through the crowded and sweaty halls. when i speak to people it feels like i have to physically force myself to and i'm always so conscious of the fact that i would really love it if i were alone and not speaking to anybody at all.

i don't feel confident in myself and i feel like this year has passed by way too fast and i feel like just attempting to live feels like a bunch of cold sand is piled in my hands, and like sand does, it slips easily through my fingers and all i can do is watch. i feel so stupid and so naive all the damn time

for a while i had believed that everything would be okay, and then for a while after that i believed that i should kill myself. i'm okay now, i still feel very unsettled and it's like i'm not really me but i feel fine enough to function and i feel fine enough to live and wish to keep on living

i wish to keep on living

tomorrow i will wake up early and i will make myself coffee and i will sit down and read (i've had reading block for 2 days- which seems short but its annoying for me bc i really really want to read but i feel too restless and distracted to). i'll try to be nice to myself and protect my peace really hard and go on walks or something

i find that watching youtube videos where people just sit and talk, or rearrange their house and books, is really calming to me. i can't wait to just sit in front of the tv with a cup of matcha and a box of chocolates and just watching people talk, or watch all the movies ive been meaning to watch for sooo long

autumn is rolling around, and i'm infinitely greatful that it is because i always feel so inspired during this season. autumn makes me want to read, it makes me want to watch more films and eat more food and drink warm drinks that make me feel okay inside.

i also hope to pick up journalling again, but i'm not sure if i will because i don't have my own printer for images and idk what to journal but i have recently tried to just draw pictures- ive recently written journal pages on what i want to read, and also an "about me" page, and hand drew pictures. it's nice, but it doesn't give the same effect as full out journalling (with stickers, images, tape, etc... sigh.). i hope i journal more this holiday nonetheless.

i also hope to read without feeling so much pressure. i usually have no problem with reading whatever i want to read, as i like to think of myself as somebody who isnt easily influenced by other people's views (eg. if someone told me i have to read a certain book, i will consider it but i wont read it unless i want to) , but lately i've been thinking of all the books i want to read this holiday (for me i have autumn break in one week- and autumn break lasts for 2 weeks) and as u can imagine, it is very stressful bc ive somehow fallen into the mindset that i must read ALL of those books before next term or else.

fyi the books comprise of

- the complete collection of jane austen

- the complete collection of sherlock holmes

- the poppy war

- the iliad

- hamlet

- the metamorphosis

soo yeah... especially the first two points are stressing me out haha... im starting the poppy war now but im a little nervous bc ppl keep saying that its VERY gory??? and i usually dont care abt such things but lately my nerves and emotions have been such a wreck that i dont trust myself to read it in a calm manner

i'll try to break free of this toxic reader mindset tho! it would be nice if i could talk to people abt books, so it feels like im engaging with my hobby while not actually having to do the hobby, but nobody ik irl will want to talk abt books as i do

MAN i so badly want to rant abt booktok (ok actually i wont expand on this bc its a very sore point for me in the sense that i might get worked up over it and then feel shit afterwards for displaying sm emotion)

anywaysss next topic

ummm i get my maths result back on thursday and im so fucking scared bc i know i messed up bad for a few questions but im not sure if it was enough to drop me down to a b... idk i REALLY REALLY WANT AN A. like istg my whole self esteem for until the next exams roll around is goijg to be based off my maths result.. fuck im so emotionally immature its laughable

ummm also i have literature class tmr and i love lit class but we have to watch fucking "shes the man" and im sorry but i hate that movie so so much (ive never watched it before but we watched half of it last lesson and it was soo annoying). ughh why is my eng teacher making us watch this 😭😭

also my eng teacher is very blunt and therefore very interesting to talk to so ive been wanting to ask him abt books hes read lately but i CANT bc we have to watch thats tupid fucking movie and also he has to mark papers :( but also like hes the only intellectually stimulating person ik irl so what am i meant to do with all of my buzzing book thoughts ughh (rhetorical question. pls dont answer) :(

hmm what else is there to say

oh yeah last night i had a dream tjat i got a B+ for english and that was... it was like a nightmare im not even kidding. it was such a vivid dream too- everybody else got an A meanwhile i got a B+ (very close to an A) and i was just absolutely shocked and i desperately begged my teacher to give me some extra credit work so i can bump it up to an A-... yeah...

oh but also back to me wanting to have a better life- i think i'll take myself to the thrift more and go out with my friend (yes, singular. theres only one friend that i like hanging out with outside of school 💀) atleast once this holiday... thats what teen girls my age do, right??? haha...

also i want to watch ladybird and the perks of being a wallflower and rewatch little women and dead poets society !

i also might reread solitaire but aghh that makes me stressed out abt reading again... fuck. maybe i should just take a break from reading omfg

i cant wait to wake up early tomorrow and drink coffee though! :)

also i will make more spotify playlists (it makes me rlly happy to) and MAYBE even try cooking????????????? man idfk im desperate okay? feeling suicidal is not fun and i dont want to feel like that again this year. i cant afford thay bc im meant to be an academic weapon :( (lol who am i kidding? im more like an academic victim)

also maybe i will just text my friends more in general. it stresses me out and makes me feel icky but the other day, i had a nice and fun and lighthearted texting convo with one of my class friends and it made me realise that i should probably text people more ...

lol

anyways i think thats all? i think ive gotten everything off my chest for now. i liked doing this actually. maybe i'll do it more often idk 💀💀

hope u guys have a good day 🙏 i dont actually expect anyone to read this but if you did, i hope you have a good day TIMES TWO!

no refunds :}

[frogadir]

Genuine question what is it about cos that you love so much, ive been following you for years and i got into 03 lately and i'm interested to hear your perspective

Hello this is the funniest ask I've gotten in a long time so thank you I'm being 100% serious. I got several paragraphs into answering this and then I realized maybe bullet points would be fine because no one wants to read all of that

I am jewish (Very Important Context)

Due to my jewish upbringing and personal experience with spirituality I was primed to see it wherever I looked

I watched/read all three versions fma when I was 13 and became obsessed with edgelord elric due to my #emo #depressed middle schooler sensibilities

But also because he was very jewish to me. the sparknotes on this are: atheism despite having met god. tree of life on his gate of truth. also google jacob wrestling with the angel. That literally happened to edward elric. Also manga hohenheim is arguably jewish that's a different post though.

Edward elric continues to occupy my mind for the next three years

I get more depressed and jewish and also become interested in art from and about ww.i and its aftermath

Now I am age 16 and cos gets recommended to me on youtube. like someone just uploaded the entire movie

That was the one bit of fma I never got around to so I was like okay let's check it out

I watch a movie that feels like it was created in a lab to cause as much psychological damage to me as possible

I hate it but I'm 16 and obsessed with how depressed and gay edward elric looked in it and I think to myself I have to look like him and this influences the way I dress and wear my hair from that moment on

Wait edward elric (jewish) was fighting nazis (real) ???

I watch it again

Edward elric (jewish) went to weimar germany (real) in 1923 and stopped the na.zis (real) from invading the parallel world he's from on the night of a (real) (historical) failed na.zi uprising. He stays in our (real) world and it is implied he continues to not only fight na.zis (real) but advocate against the use of nuclear weapons (real)

So absurd I can't stop thinking about it

Seven years later here we are

If you asked me if I thought it was a good movie I wouldn't even be able to give you a straight answer like from a technical standpoint yes the animation is great the music is great… however there is more to a movie than just pictures and sounds… the pictures and sounds come together to tell a story… and the story here is. Well their hearts were in the right place. I think. I think it's got a generally anti-na.zi message but on a first watch it was definitely strange to see that element mixed with a fictional world in the way that it was. I hate that they tried to make us feel bad for alfons he knew what he was doing idgaf that he just wanted to build rockets 🥺 Having the roma character secretly work with the na.zis was. hmm idk about that. but holy shit am I glad they used the word roma. Making bradley's real-world doppleganger not only be jewish but a Real Life jewish man was also a choice! One thing I actually find interesting that a lot of people hate is that they made doppleganger hughes a na.zi... like in 03 they do say that those who benefit from violence and refuse to oppose it are complicit in it... dude was Just Following Orders as a soldier in a genocidal military like him being a real life na.zi makes more sense than a lot of things in cos 😭

Is there anything else I should add. The theme of dreams vs reality and what that has to do with ed's emotional journey is interesting. Winry looked awesome too. Love how al becomes ed and ed becomes their mother. Hohenheim envy chew toy was funny. I like when ed crashes the car. I like the scene where it's implied he drank himself to sleep. Lost heaven is a great song.

So like... I wouldn't say that I "love" cos... but there are many things about it that are so fascinating to me I can't look away... it's certainly provided me with a lot of entertainment... and cos ed is peak... I hope this answers your question 😭

[whitehartlane]

(copy) ahh sorry again for the late response, my week has been good though, ty! :) i hope things lighten up for you soon!! 🫂

mmm, yeah i figured they’d do something a little more classic with him! & definitely w/ it just being 2 pics, that was why i was curious if there might be more photos yet to be released from this shoot (sorry, my wording was weird in the first ask) but i didn’t know how that kind of stuff rolled out. it seems twitter got a hold of the rest (or most of the rest?) of the photos though, so!! the black and white headshot & the one with his hand over his right eye are my favorites of the new photos!!! visually, the shadow of the dip in his throat framed by the shirt collar is so nice ❤️

also, YESSS @ him doing smth like heungmin’s calvin klein shoot that was SO good, i would be really excited to see what a kim hee june photoshoot would turn out like 🥺🥺 i’d love to see a sillier photoshoot especially!

ahh the main reason isn’t anything significant though, it was basically just peer pressure from my friends 😭😭 & yes!! ❤️❤️ wishing them luck for their next cup :) and speaking of! do you plan to watch the womens cup next yr?

also TYY for the reminder abt dramacool!! i always forget that their variety shows get subbed because the past few times ive looked show up they were all raws lol T_T

i just finished the ila episode with heechan in it and wow.. it is the fabien i was thinking of on the cast.. ngl i did not know that french man had actual gigs i thought was just some random friend of that one american expat who does youtube videos 😦😦 also also why did he keep putting the steaming hot pans straight onto his wooden table 😭😭 i was so suprised they didnt comment on that bc it was bringing me to the verge of hysterics fr his poor table… PLUS THE -190 C CYROTHERAPY the way he took his shirt off for it too thats crazy 😱😱

nd yeahh, omg i didnt even think of it in terms of tv personas 😭😭 they do that for sports players too??

MOMMY&ME LESSONS… help !! 😭😭 can’t deny it but that really is such a funny comparison to think of. & yeah i think burberry really depends on the model.. like heungmin has a vibe that fits the clothes they put him in (complimentary) but with some of those luxury brands the styling just feels too mature? also that reminds me i wanted to look for the rest of the photos from seungho’s shoot.. ;; the ones you rb’d look so niiicee 🥺🥺 dazed korea really is so <33.

hi there anon!! hope you’ve been well since the last time we spoke ☺️ things have been busy on my end but mostly okay, sorry for the ULTRA late response 😭

yessss i saw the rest of the pics!! i love the b&w headshot too!! i think guesung just has a rly interesting face and i loooove the closeups of his eyes and his freckles, it’s so pleasing to look at!! the new elle man photos have also been rly nice … i just know the modelling industry is sobbing knowing cho guesung exists and he decided to play football 😭 also your MIND i would LOVE to see him in a kim hee june photoshoot that would be excellent …

helppp i live in germany so i know all about the football peer pressure 😭 and yes i do plan to watch the women’s wc!!! it’s gonna be fun 🫂 also yeah dramacool has most if not all subbed variety shows, i normally watch random raw clips but if i get the time i love sitting down and watching full ila eps especially :)

HEECHAN’S ILA EP BELOVED!!! and help bye wrt fabien 😭 yeah he has actual gigs, he’s also a host on my neighbour charles, he belongs to the group of foreigner comedians in korea who speak korean 😭 (like sam hammington, sam okyere, etc) AND YEAH i was wondering why they didn’t mention him straight up putting his hot utensils on his wooden table like knowing the ila hosts that’s very much a comment they would make 💀 the cryotherapy is so intense i was just like 😦 the life of a footballer is wild … btw idk if they actually have pr training but i would assume so 😭 although considering how many footballers put their whole foot in their mouth in interviews sometimes ig there’s ppl who pay attention and ppl who don’t 💀

YES heungmin is just so stylish like the clothes he wears casually on a personal level are soooo korean street fashion and he looks so good in them!! he does rly well in mature styling too, heungmin just has the essence to pull things like burberry off in a fantastic manner. and yes i love dazed korea … 🫶🏾 hope some of the boys get more deals with them bc i love their photoshoots!!

hope you’re well anon ☺️🫶🏾 sorry again for the looooong overdue response 😭 but thinking of u always!!!

[watarulesbian]

wataru hibiki my precious lil birdie aaaawwwwwww 

anyway i wish i had the energy to think deep thoujghts about her . deep thoughts thatd make me feel like a real #1 wataruknower . i wish i had the will to get my ass over to some enstars stories featuring wataru and read them but i dont hav anyfucking will for anything but mindless scrolling and being pessimistic i was doing #stuff today and then i had a therapy appointment and bam rest of day wasted............................................................................................... besides when i painted for a while lol i got watercolor set for xmas and its quite fun 

wataru is MINE!!!!!!!!!!! MY CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!! MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE LEAVESME AWESTRUCK I CANT EVEN THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! unless youre one of my three friends from twitter (hi) you have NO IDEA of the extent. of how i so adore and love wataru. and even than thats not all of my love for her. 

one thing tho i love when people draw her face very expressive. i wish i could do that in my own art of her........ im better than ai but worse than most actual artists :( i want to die because im not able to capture her accurately in artistic mediums but other people can? so MAD!!! KILL KILL DIE DIE DIE (to myself not to the wonderful talented artists who i admire very much) 

idk i just feelt like shit lately. its because i havent gotten enough wataru. the enstar doctor perscribd me 10 hours of wataru hibiki a day and lately ive been getting like 2 a day when i NEED more than that i need. like 10! i need my mind to reboot my brain and maybe put a fucking timer on youtube because i keep looking at shitty uoiutube shorts WASTING MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE AWAY AND MAKING ME DEPRESSED AND DOOMFUL AND AAAARGHH 

how many of you even know my name? i know 3 of you do (hi again) 

tumblr isd better for making long incoherent posts huuuuu 

need one of those send a number and ill give a ___ headcannon things ummmmmmmmmmmm idk i feel like all my awnsers to thosewould be dissapointingly bland and im scared that there will be something in cannon thatd contradict my hc (NOT LIKE A LESBIAN HC BUT LIKE A LIKE/DISLIKE THING) wataru is lesbian by the way and i think, as an autisticl esbian mysjmlf and YOUR wataru expert Wataru feels the isolations. the lesbian isolations. the autism isolations. maybe its weird and unrelated to what im saying here and it might sound even crude but whenever someone who previously idenntif as lesbian comes out as Not lesbian i feel a profound emptiness within me . and i know i should probably tell that to a therapist and not post it on tumblr for anyone whos former ident lesbian to see this and feel guilty or mad at me but i JUST had a therapy appointment today and need to get it out. its been in my brain for a long time. and ive of course ive come to recognize and get used to people changing, ive never thought or said to anyone “nooo you cant be _____ youre supposed to be my fellow lesbian :(” but i never see anyone ever talking about feeling sad when a lesbian they know turns out to Not be a lesbian except in the context of transphobia or homophobia. like im NOT one of those asses saying “a trans man? we lost a lesbian im so sad” “noo lesbi ann is dating a man and changing her name to bai sexxx this is so not her! come back lesbi ann!” im just saying i feel  like when someone who previously idenntif as lesbian comes out as Not lesbian i feel a profound emptiness within me. and im NOT trying to guilt trip! and PLEASE dont be mad at me!  and i get USED to people not being lesbian! the emptiness goes away after several months! but yea whatever 

i want someone out there to make more art of eichi lovingly brushing and braiding watarus beautiful long hair. fic or art. or cannon for the love of god... theyd BOTH enjoy it the same amount im telling uou. even when they grow old together watarus hair is still long and still so nice and soft tbh like she got upset that it all turned white and talked about possibly dying it a lot but eichi is like My Wife Of Many Years You Are So Beautiful With White Hair You Are A Goddess. I Love It Just As Much As When It Was Blue.      but in present time as 19 year old young lesbian lovers i just know wataru has falllen asleep while eichi runs his fingers through watarus wonderful amazing shiny superlong hair. i know wataru doesnt wanna like be asleep in front of people but as part of showing her human side more, i see her doing it tbh, eichi loves seeing his girlfriend asleep and is always like Awwww :3 wataru doing normal human things with eichi is actually cannon btw and im smiling thinking aboutt that 

i want to write a magnus archives statement about watarus expieriences with a fountain (the stranger) she makes a foolish wish on that has her live a year where evgery day she wakes up in a different persons life and body and its totally torturous. after 365 days of that shes finally in the life and body of wataru hibiki again but she is incredibly traumatized . happier ending than most magnus archives statements because she is ALIVE with no physical injury and doesnt end up dying or anything. the stranger. i remember when i was really lttle i came across a ton of amazon reviews for a book that had a premise basically similar to this except itwas a creature who lived like this and it was a love story or something LET ME FIND IT HOLD ON 

its called “Every Day” i found it lol 

i never read it but i reacd the reviews 8 years ago so i feel like i know it well enough. it was easy to find by one single google search  ahaha 

i hsould be going to bed now thanks for listening tubmlmr 

[n1cholaswang]

P1HARMONY AS DRUGS

description: self explanatory. piwon members as drugs ive done before. for legal reasons, this is a joke and i have never done a drug in my life

a/n: THIS IS FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES (and a filler post). DONT TAKE ANY OF THIS SERIOUSLY.

THEO as ALCOHOL

• dangerous.

• do not let this man drive

• y'all will NOT make it home

• he just comes off as a drinker to me

• the park jimin of p1harmony

• give him 2 shots of whatever and bro will be the life of the party

• im talkin like ... twerkin, pole dancin, stripin in the club, flirtin with anybody and anything

• even inanimate objects 😕

• if y'all been drunk before, yk damn well y'all be trippin over anything and laughin your ass off

• y'all remember that live with keeho when he beat bro tf up?

• that's him drunk but 20 times worse.

• steer clear of drunk theo.

KEEHO as EDIBLES

• chill

• best music taste in p1h

• funny asl and for what

• ooh but don't leave bro alone in your kitchen

• he gon cook up the most random thing

• but you BEST BELIEVE it's smackin.

• watch a movie with him and y'all would be pausin it every two seconds cause you can't read the subtitles fast enough

• i was gonna just put straight bud instead of an edible but nah

• keeho gives me "made edibles for a living pre-korea" vibes

• keeho 🤝 vernon

• they prolly both sold edibles out the garage for some cash

JIUNG as WEED

• fellow stoners, just imagine this with me.

• driving late at night with jiung, smoking blunt after blunt, blasting music, laughing at each other's jokes, going to eat out when y'all get hungry, giving each other guns at traffic lights, a lil messy wet kisses while blowing smoke into each other's mouths <3333

• lord gimme a jiung.

• idk

• i can't explain it but jiung as weed just makes sense

• the chillest of chill

• literally will let anything slide

• even if you murder somebody in his living room

• "it's cool, we'll clean it up"

• god i love him.

• will make you fall in love with music fr.

• best music taste pt 2

• ugh and ik he can roll well and fast 😩

• I WANT HIM SO BAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

INTAK as OXYCONTIN

• now i've only done this once

• and it was while i was high off bud too so bare with me

• chill pt 2

• but in a chaotic way ????

• will talk your goddamn ear off about the most random things

• im not kidding.

• he will talk about what he did on november 6, 2008 even if he don't remember fully

• you wanna know his life story?

• give this man an oxy and LORD you will feel like YOU raised him

• oversharing.

• so. much. oversharing.

• he's cute tho so we'll let it happen

• watching youtube until y'all fall asleep 🫶

SOUL as COCAINE

• ...

• don't y'all EVER give lil shosho a bump.

• he will be bouncin and dancin off the walls.

• talkin your ear off pt 2

• but in japanese

• he don't care if you know the language or not

• bitch you gon listen to what he has to say 👿

• twerking machine.

• like stop him please.

• too much ass

• and he be throwin that shit in a circle

• like OKAY NEPHEW I SEE YOU

• but also pls stop too much energy

• will talk to you and tell you about his memories like he was japan's el chapo

• like,,, "yeah i stole a pen from a bank then stabbed that pen into someone's backpack because they told me i was stupid"

• ... okay lil psycho

• you do what you want babe <3

JONGSEOB as WEED + COKE

• i've only had this combo like,, thrice ???

• and bro.

• it's the most jongseob experience ever

• i remembered everything from my childhood 💀

• nah but fr

• jongseob as the combination of both bud and soft is also dangerous

• but not theo-putting-your-life-in-danger dangerous

• im talkin,,, like

• brent faiyaz dangerous

• y'all would smoke a blunt, do a bump them smoke another blunt like it's all normal

• he'll tell you just about anything

• he's one of those talkative people off coke

• sharing his experience training at yg compared to training at fnc

• working with the trainees at yg compared to working with the trainees at fnc and his current members

• fanboying over newt <33333.

• talkin on and on about his passion for music, while playing music

• specifically brent faiyaz cause ik his smokin playlist is fire.

• doin bumps with j cole playin 😻

• "the qualities that make up the people who listen to my music are like... empathetic narcissism, attention to detail, over indulgent personality when it comes to... sex and drugs and... if you don't get it, you don't get it. but if you get it, it's cause you livin"

• and he lives by that brent faiyaz quote.

• trippin tf out over asap rocky's lsd mv 💀

• "i know im folded but... 😦"

[wizkiddx]

heyheyhey idk if u do req but love your dad tom stuff! PLZ PLZ do tom helping his kids with homework but cant do it and reader has to help and its all fluffy 😩💕

ye im down to do req and this had me going completely ott cos its v cute (and a lot less angsty than what ive written recently aha) so apologies for my ramblings:

Summary: tom has the kids for a day and maths homework throws a spanner in the works - tomhollandxreader

implied smut + v slight reference to porn but basically just fluff I promise xox

\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////

Tom had dealt with a lot of whining today. Nova and Leo were the absolute joys of his life, there was no doubt about it. Of course, he also loved you a hell of a lot too - sometimes to his detriment though, hence the position he was in now. 

You’d had a busy week at work and he had been away for the first half of it - leaving you as an almost single mother to a 5 and a 7 year old. So completely fairly, you’d asked if he wouldn’t mind watching the kids for a the day on Sunday, allowing you to go to a friends baby shower. There was no answer but to agree, Tom loved quality time with the kids and he wanted you to kick back and relax with you friends too. 

However the afternoon had not been nearly as idealistic as it were supposed to be in his head. You had left him only one real job (apart from the unavoidable essentials of keeping the kids alive with food and water, something you’d hope he need not be reminded about now). Really it shouldn’t of been that hard, it was just each kid had two pieces of homework. After convincing and cajoling the kids into sitting at the table which he’d already set up with Nova’s ‘Liverpool FC’ and Leo’s ‘captain marvels’ pencil case, the English was easy. 

In fact 5 year old Leo took great joy out of writing a poem with his Dad, which basically involved trying to rhyme any word with another - especially when he tried to convince Tom that all his completely fictitious words were real and worked together. A personal favourite had been ‘snakes’ and ‘palakes’ which Leo was convinced meant pancakes - arguing so vehemently Tom almost started to doubt himself on basic English. 

Thankfully though his eldest and most sensibly child eventually took him out his misery. If anyone had any control over the Holland boys, Leo and Tom - it was the Holland girls. You and Nova had both boys completely under you spell, often taking advantage of the fact too. It was only when Nova got bored of hearing Tom and Leo mock arguing, interspersed with the little boys giggles that Tom tried his absolute hardest to keep a straight face at, that she swooped in.

“Stop being silly Leo, mummy told you he’s not good at school!” She looked oh so innocent, eyes immediately flicking down to continue the little short story she was happily going on with. In response  Tom scowled, knowing your highly curious and intelligent daughter had asked you (for one reason or another) why he was not so academic. Yet instead of Leo bursting out laughing, instead he just nodded and accepted it too - making Tom scowl even more. Not even Leo thought it was a joke. 

So apart from his children apparently taking pity on his simple mind, it was all going smoothly. Perhaps, due to the thankful fact your children had inherited their brains from their mother - something Tom was forever thankful for, until he was shamed for his substandard intellect in the family. Then again though, he was Spiderman. So take that. 

Until Nova brought out her maths sheet. Then the afternoon quickly descended into chaos. It was fractions, something she hadn’t quite grasped from school yet - a concept that still hurt her head somewhat. Normally though it’d be fine, she’d bring the sheet to you and the two of you used ‘ girl power’ to figure it out… you prior experience as a tutor while in uni helping you know how to break through to her. 

Unfortunately Tom didn’t share this same experience. Nor did Tom share a maths qualification… something that had evaded him completely during his schooling career. Of course, it had never been a particular issue, acting didn’t require the use of maths and algebra and Tom was in a very lucky position of being able to pay someone to manage his finances from a very young age. So no, dividing 2/3 and 3/7 didn’t come the most naturally to him. Or at all to be quite honest. 

“I CANT DO IT AND GRACE IN MY CLASS COULD!” For context, Grace was one of her school friends, who forever liked to compare herself to the young Holland - especially because she was normally ahead. Nova had gone from quiet frustration, staring at the questions with her tongue sticking out slightly, to one of pure rage - yelling at her dad with tears in her eyes. Nova was normally incredibly intuitive, she always found it difficult when she couldn’t do something. Now, with a ‘teacher’ who was more useless than her - the frustrations inevitably bubbled over. 

“Hey, we can work it out, just calm-“

“YOU CANT DO IT EITHER YOUR STUPID “ She was just young and frustrated, Tom tried not to take it personally but … it wasn’t always easy. Chiefly because this was the height of offensive statement Nova knew - this was her version of adult explicit language. 

“Nova you can’t be rude.” He used his stern voice, something Tom very rarely used with his little girl. Though he never wanted to upset her, neither did he want her to think it was ever okay to be so rude to anyone like that- no matter how crappy at maths they were. It hurt him to do so but it was necessary - life lessons about the importance of being kind needed to be learnt. And it worked… if what Tom was aiming for was his beautiful baby girl’s eyes to brim with sparkling tears, her bottom lip quivering slightly. 

Instantly Tom’s eyebrows drooped, trying to fight his natural reaction to scoop her onto his knee and reassure her everything was okay. But as you had lectured him many a time before, he had to put his foot down once in a while. So instead, the father and daughter were locked in a silence and intense eye contact, until Nova hesitantly began to speak. 

“I’m sorry Daddy.” During which, Nova shoved her chair back, making it screech against the tiled floors uglily before running off up the stairs. Tom knew she was crying a lot. Knew this was going to take a bit of fixing. 

With a sigh of his daughters name, Tom popped his head into the living to check on Leo who had already finished all his stuff. Seeing him completely zombified in front of ‘paw patrol’ on TV, Tom trudged up the stairs. He knew where she was, when Nova was upset she always hid in the corner of her wardrobe and cried in the darkness. So after steadying himself with a little internal monologue of how to approach the situation Tom walked in and sat down beside the wardrobe - knocking on the door slightly. 

“Nova… can we talk please?” All he heard was sniffing echoing from the wooden chamber until she tried to shout through the door.

“Go-go… go away daddy.” It broke his heart, the way her voice wavered, making Tom pout - gently letting his head fall against the wardrobe doors. 

“I don’t want you to be upset beautiful…. And you did apologise which I appreciate. You know why Daddy got angry right?” Her sniffles heightened before she muttered a quiet ‘yes’. “And you are sorry? Because that might’ve made me really sad too.”

“I’m s-s-sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Then that’s good and we don’t need to cry. You want a cuddle little one?” Before Tom could even properly get up the door was being pushed open by her little hands, revealing a tear stained face and big glassy eyes looking up at her Dad. Swiftly Tom scooped her up and out of the cupboard, whispering to her while she buried her face in his chest. 

“Oh come here my little bean.”

//////////////////////

When you came home late that evening, only mildly exhausted from spending the whole day gossiping with your girls, it was weirdly quiet. All the lights were out in the front room, which made you close the door gently, thinking Tom had managed to exhaust the kids - and himself in the process. With a relieved sigh at the peace you pattered into the kitchen to get yourself a drink (it had been a little concern that Tom would’ve worked the kids into a hyperactive and delerious state that kept them up long past bedtime - which ultimately you’d have to deal with). The house was remarkably silent and though it was clear from the littered toys everywhere that it had indeed been Tom alone in charge, everything seemed pretty okay. 

It was only as you were about to head upstairs to join your hubby in bed that you realised the study light was still on, streaming through the small crack in the doorframe. Assuming Tom had just neglected to turn it off, in otherwords Tom being Tom, you nudged it open with your hand. Surprisingly though, there was your husband, hunched over the desk, looking almost angrily focused - between the computer screen and a piece of paper below him. Normally you would’ve just assumed it was another script sent over or an edit Harry had sent of another screenplay they were writing together. 

But no, the blatant red flag was the screen that you could see. A screen on YouTube, of a man pointing at a whiteboard of fractions. 

So with a soft wrist you wrapped your knuckled on the side of the door, even if you had technically already entered the room. The reaction had you stifling a laugh, it was as if you’d caught him watching something *less PG* the way he jumped out his seat, closing the browser immediately. 

“Love!! I -er … didn’t know you’d got back?”

“I just did.” You smiled gently, while walking into stand behind his chair, wrapping your arms round his neck and pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Soooo…. what’ca doingggg” The glee in your voice was evident, making Tom groan and shut his eyes. 

“I hate you, you know that right?” 

“No you don’t… but you were watching a primary school video on fractions, if I’m not so mistaken?” He sighed deeply, making a point of turning the paper with his scribbles over to obscure it. 

“Nova’s homework.. she couldn’t do it and neither could I, so then she basically screamed at me for being thick and udseless and then had a breakdown.” 

Now you felt guilty. This was a bit of a sore spot with Tom, he always for some reason felt inferior because of his academic ability. Which was stupid- mainly because he was the most clever and talented man you’d ever met. Just…. Just not at fraction. 

“Oh T… you could’ve just left it for me to do with her, I don’t mind.”

“That’s not the point Y/n.” He snapped a little, shrugging your arms off him and spinning in the chair so he could face you. “She’s my daughter and I should be able to help her! It’s not like it’s that hard, it’s just I’m unbelievable thick.”

“Tom stop. Look - you can do this I assure you, it’s just been a long old time ‘kay? Your rusty and that’s only natural.”

“I really don’t think I could ev-“

“Can I teach you? It’s just the method and then I promise you’ll get it.”

It took a bit of persuasion but eventually Tom agreed, letting you pull the corner chair forward to beside his desk so you could demonstrate it to him. To be fair, he really could do it- just a bit of familiarising on the ‘stick-change-flip’ method. The way the lightbulb moment literally caused his face to light up; scurrying to do the question for himself, tongue sticking out in the process; then presenting it to you proudly - well it had you melting in your seat. 

“See! That took all of 5 minutes and you got it.” You elbowed  his side by leaning forward in the chair, which instead of letting go, Tom reached and caught, before pulling you up and round. You landed with you bum perched on the edge of the mahogany desk, Tom now stood up- his legs in-between your parted thighs - your feet hooking round the back of knees. 

“It’s all down to my incredibly talented teacher.”

“No…. No I really don’t think it is” You mused with a soft voice, fingers instinctively going to the nape of his neck - twirling the little curls round your fingertips. 

“Well even so… I think I could teach you a thing or two too.” Never one to mull on anything, Tom’s tone had immediately switched to something a lot more… mischievous. 

“Not even going to ask about my day? Wheres the chat mr smooth?” He had to repress the grin at your smirk because as much as you infuriated the hell out of him - you also had this weird ability of making him feel so entranced and helpless. He relented with a sarcastic chime.

“Fine, how was your day love.”

“Good…. but I have a feeling you’re about to make it a whole lot better.”

That was all the signals he needed to lean forward, in doing so forcing you back until your back landed completely on the cool wood. His lips feathered yours, both hands pinned either side of your head.

“Oh darling… you have no idea.”

[revivisection]

its night time you know what that means! this is my diary now. very long week recap ahead.

my teeth are cool and good kind of now. they're actually still pretty awful but my front are work in progress they look mostly fine now and im not so vigilant at hiding my mouth :) not without a week's worth of pain and agony recovery but. you knoow. i will have to go through that again at some point oh well thank god for ibuprofen except it wears off before i can take another one. my upper lip was incredinly inflamed for a few days, bad experience.

you know you never really think about hpw much you use your mouth or just like. feel your mouth generally experience the life experience of having a mouth until there's problems with it. crazy how that works. i for one would have a much better time not having a mouth it's rather disgusting. ideal form i simply absorb energy through airwaves, or perhaps plug myself in to charge

after that i had to enroll in courses i was like surely i will have a fine and okay time. <-full of hubris. i slept through the first hour of course enrollment because i went to sleep at 6am and it opened at 9. so im now on two waitlists which probably wont let up. going to take latin though, going to become more pretentious just you wait. i think this is what you would call a "dark academia moment" but i dont think i actually know what dark academia is. school hasn't started yet but im having the biggest fucking imposter syndrome everyone who has ever told me how smart i am is a fucking liar.

had a fun lil trivia club day with some trivia club buddies. believe it or not, we did trivia. exciting, i know. anyways scratch what i said before whenever i get the right answer in trivia club i am literally the smartest man alive. why do all my friends have absolutely ancient editions of trivial pursuit (the words of someone who doesn't own any board games)

and yesterday i hung out with my dear friend @threecirclingbuzzards!! she let me scavenge through her big bag of miscellaneous patches it was very fruitful. my vest is very empty because i have to make everything myself and i simply do not. so now i have more things to put on it, the real question is when im actually going to sew. it was also cool because we are like brain linked we are like that image of clown-to-clown communication dont need to speak coherently because like. i get it. she gets it. we get it. the clown part is especially true because we were like. what to teens do. hang out at the mall. genius. and then we got there and it was two minutes from closing. genius. at the dollar store i got minecraft stickers god i love minecraft i will be forty fucking years old and not tire of minecraft

over the course of my mouth recovery time i listened to youtube videos to try and distract myself when falling sleep and i listened to a video about the evil within 1. i dont need to give background information but i will anyways.. back in like whenever of this year early this year some time this year i was scrolling through the discussion page of the tumblr sexyman wiki and there was a suggestion post for stefano valentini and i was like. woah. ive seen that man before. ive watched my fair share of oxbox/oxtra vids in my lifetime. and then i proceeded to go crazy. something about him makes me go absolutely nuts like awooga etc. who fucking knows. anyways i was content to never know anything about the evil within beyond that stefano valentini is like absurdly attractive until i watched that video about the evil within 1 while mildly Out Of It and i developed a very sudden crush on ruvik so now i know some things about the evil within. how was your day. another fucked up evil guy who i am compelled by. i cant fix him i cant make him worse but i CAN look at him from afar. all ive been able to draw lately is just ruvik faces idk man he's my latest fixation i guess. got him on the mind (except for when i was catching up on the patho tag today. i love my weekly spam reblogging from the patho tag except this time it's two weeks worth of posts becuase by god i was having a bad time)

perhaps i should actually watch a lets play of tew so i can know like. what the game is like in full properly and shit. shhhhh you dont see my incomplete patho2 save. i would play more horror games if i werent a little bitch, but im not so instead i just play stupid long fantasy rpgs. the sole reason i havent finished pathfinder kingmaker is because of that stupid goddamn darven quest oh my god i hate that man i hate that quest i need to speedrun it get it over with so i can enjoy the rest of the game but i simply cannot take it when the FUCK is he going to show up how much fuckng time needs to pass where are you bitch i need to xget this out of the fucking way so the hellknights stop crashing my place fucking my shit up i hate it her.e.

i wrote all of this because i am insuch! a mood today. idk whats up last nigh t i passed out instantly fell asleep died went to purgatory the moment i laid down on my bed like in an instant ive never been so sleepy in my life. and today i am incredibly humid but more than that the time actually melted away. like pretend time is a stick of butter in my hands except i preheated my hands in the oven for several minutes and the butter didnt even bother to melt so the preheating didnt matter it just slipped off my stupid little fingers. i woke up blinked now its night time. now nearly twelve hours have passed what the fuCK was i doing. nothing. i have no idea how this time passed i feel out of it (different) a different kind of out of it who knows maybe this is my natural tooth recovery time but instead for going outside two days in a row and having fun. this is my body and mind telling me to have less fun. wlel fuck you body and mind im hanging out with friends AGAIN tomorrow. see how you like that fucker. or maybe im just a little baby and its because i forgot to sleep with my stuffed animals last night. i have a build-a-bear longhorn i love him with my life i named him after my wife (artemy) he keeps me company because all i do is sit and rot.

also we havent read new pages of this dark endeavour in like11 days oops. the review WILL happen eventually okay i have so much to say about that wretched novel just when the summer book club completes it

[thoriffix]

Can you rec some media with canon queer characters 😌

ofc!! thisll by no means be an exhaustive list but idk what youre looking for specifically so ill break it into categories

my current favs!! if u follow me u know these already lol

the umbrella academy: netflix show abt dysfunctional superpowered siblings reuniting to stop the apocalypse. canon mlm character (pansexual according to his actor) w mlm romance, canon wlw character (lesbian according to someone on the show dont rmr who) w het romance in s1, wlw romance in s2 - this is one of my absolute fav shows at the minute in general its brilliant

the magnus archives: horror podcast abt the head archivist of an institute researching experiences w the supernatural. protagonist is canonically biromantic asexual, in a mlm relationship in s5, and there is another canon bisexual character, as well as (iirc) a canon wlw couple - yall know ive been so into tma lately its so so good, obviously if you dont like horror its not for you but if you do.. 👀

sanders sides: youtube series abt a gay dude working out his emotional problems via personified aspects of his personality. all the characters are gay cuz thas what thomas is baby! - i was hesitant abt putting this cuz thomas is a person not a character lol but if u haven't seen sasi i recommend it its like free therapy but theres songs sometimes

shows!

julie and the phantoms (netflix remake): musical show abt a teen girl rediscovering music after her mothers death w the help of three ghosts who were in a 90s band. canon gay character w a slow burn romance (not yet canon bfs but s2 lets go) - its very cheesy and the musical segments can drag on a bit but its p good overall

lucifer: detective show abt lucifer abandoning his rule of hell to buy a nightclub and beginning to solve murders w the lapd. lucifer is canonically bi/pan, as is his demon pal mazikeen, but queerness rly isnt a focus of the show its more casual rep - that being said its a good show overall, if a little predictable now n then (s1-3 on amazon prime, 4+5 on netflix)

kipo and the age of wonderbeasts: fantasy cartoon set in a future filled w mutant intelligent animals, kipo finds herself lost and has to get home w the help of her friends. canon gay character as one of the mains, canon nb side character - its a rly good cartoon! lots of fun, excellent soundtrack, and the main characters are all poc which is rly nice to see

the dragon prince: cartoon abt two princes and an elf assassin returning a dragon egg to its mother. canon mlm couple, several canon wlw characters, canon nb character - i havent seen the show myself but ive heard very good things abt it!

i am not okay with this: netflix show abt a teen girl discovering she has superpowers and hating it. protag is canon wlw (i THINK shes a lesbian but i havent watched it in a hot sec), developing wlw relationship - ianowt slaps! sad that s2 got cancelled but s1 is real good its a touch spooky and theres a bit of gore/blood so watch out lol

schitt's creek: sitcom abt a rich family who lose all their money and have to move into the motel of a town they bought as a joke. canon pansexual character and canon gay character w one of the sweetest mlm relationships - a rly good witty show w excellent character development for every character!

good omens: show abt a demon and an angel trying to stop the end of the world. every celestial character in it is nonbinary, + crowley and aziraphale have a nonexplicit (ie no on screen pda lol) romance - good omens is such a good queer show none of the characters care abt gender in the slightest lmao, plus the show in general is fantastic (the book is also very good)

movies!

the old guard: a group of immortals fight an organisation that wants to capitalise off their immortality. canon mlm couple - another one i havent seen yet (i will!) but apparently very good

it chapter 2: horror sequel to It, w the main characters returning to derry to defeat pennywise for good. canon gay character in unrequited love - i only say chapter 2 because his queerness isnt referenced at all in the first film, again its big horror and theres no gay romance just gay tragedy but its a good film

love, simon: romcom about a closeted gay teen falling in love w someone over emails. do i even need to state the rep? - honestly if u haven't seen love simon yet what are you even DOING its so good proper fluffy queer romcom, the book (simon vs the homosapiens agenda) is also really good!! so is the sequel (leah on the offbeat) where the protag is a bi girl + it focuses on a wlw romance

the way he looks: brazilian coming of age film abt a blind teen boy falling for the new kid at his school. canon mlm relationship - this doesnt seem to be on (british) netflix anymore so idk where youd find it with subtitles but i rmr liking it a lot!

games!

night in the woods: 2d platformer abt a young woman (well. cat) dropping out of college and coming home to live w her parents + discovering spooky happenings in her hometown. canon mlm couple and i believe the protag is canonically bi? - i will recommend nitw to literally anyone who will listen its one of my all time favourite games, deals w a lot of mental health issues and its absolutely gorgeous w a brilliant soundtrack and rly good dialogue thats witty and serious and realistic (its on steam + switch for sure dk abt other platforms, abt 15 quid i think?)

tell me why: adventure game abt twins returning to their childhood home + findin Secrets. canon trans male character - i havent got around to buying + playing this yet but it looks really good! (its in three chapters + on steam, not sure on price)

other media!

the art of being normal: slice of life novel abt a young trans girl discovering herself. main characters are a trans man and a trans woman. - a good novel! trigger warning for transphobic actions including descriptions of a transphobic attack on the guy, and its certainly not without its faults otherwise, but i thought it was pretty good

the adventure zone: dungeons and dragons podcast by the mcelroy brothers. idk specifics but theres a lot of canon queer characters in it! - i havent listened to taz yet but i know a lot abt it, inc that its good and funny and has plenty of queer rep

theres several more i like that arent listed here but to keep this from getting just ridiculously long ill leave it there :] tried to get a range of genres and medias, hopefully theres something for you in there!

[daaziscoolbesties]

i yearn for one(1) thing only, and that is to have a nice, simplistic, cartoonish artstyle. an artstyle that doesnt rely on anatomy, but the "movement" of the drawing, if you get what i mean.

i dont want realistic proportions and traditional colors and basic poses and gradient shading, i want funky lil dudes in funky poses with funky styles littering my sketchbook :( but alas i havent figured out how to develop that kind of style yet, my brain wants anatomy to look nice but also i dont want to draw eyes. i dont want to take time out of my day to learn how to draw lips i want to draw a line that extends past the characters face. i dont want all my characters to have pointy chins with curved cheeks i want their heads to be round and friend-like or full of sharp edges depending on their personalities and styles. i want to give them all not-quite human ears, blob feet, simple faces, but at the same time i want enough detail to convey the story or emotion im trying to tell.

ive spent so much time recently agonizing over how to use 3d model websites, using real-life references and tracing over them for practice, color-picking from real images to try and do realism and failing miserably, but you know whats easier than that? funky little dudes. little dudes who do not care if their legs are too long or their hair is too bouncy. i dont want my characters to look human.

ive spent enough time on the artfight website to realize that most people who classify their characters as "human" have the most basic ass designs (no offense to people who like basic human designs its just not my thing) or its like dnd-medieval style outfits which i cant draw for the life of me (ive tried). again no offense to people who actively enjoy and draw characters like that. i just need my dudes to have that certain,,, off-ness to them. tails are cool. wings are swag (especially if they arent even like,, fully attached,, ), elf ears are so wonderful to me no matter how much theyre overused, horns are so much fun to draw, and colors!! i have no knowledge in the color theory department so this works great for me!! the only thing i really know is dont shade with black, other than that i just colorpick from references usually but i dont want to do that!! i want the colors to hurt people's eyes but in a satisfying way. like the character's design is so nice to look at that you dont mind your eyes hurting a bit. like how im enjoying writing this post even though its 2 am and the brightness on my computer wont go any lower.

and then another thing ive noticed from being on the artfight website is that a lot of people classify their characters that are anthro/have anthro features under humanoids/monsters. like i made a google form to find some people to attack and someone sent me in a character with some sort of animal (wolf? idk) arms and legs. like dude!! peak character design i love her. but me personally? i cant draw that shit, its so hard for me. i tried a while back and its just Not my thing. nothing against furries i just. cant. and i dont want to either.

and i got another submission that i accidentally deleted that was like full anthro/wolf-like like my comrade,,, i cannot draw animals what makes you think i can draw an animal who acts like a human lmao. i can do like. very basic tails, and also animal ears but i cant do the arms and legs and such i just dont know the anatomy, and i know i was talking about how i dont want to care about anatomy but i feel like for anthros you really do need to know at least basic animal anatomy so you know how the limbs look and shit and i dont have that knowledge and dont feel like gaining it.

and then there were some submissions that i absolutely adored. there was one that like, was vaguely human shaped but definitely was not a human. they had a dark-ish lavender colored skin and horns and tusks and like goat ears and a sorta fluffy tail with spikes on it and they had wings and such and they were such a pleasure to draw i love them. and they had a fairly simple outfit too, nothing too complicated. and then i also enjoy object head characters, theyre so neato to me. i got one of those and i really wish i had the motivation to work on it cause it looks so fun.

i want to make funky characters but id have nothing to do with them because the only book i ever tried writing (key word tried - never got past planning it out) had strictly human characters in it, and most of the books i read are humans/humans with powers in situations specific to them so id have no idea what lore to make with the dudes. assuming i have the motivation to make lore and backstory because honestly i just really enjoy character designing its super duper fun.

(side note a song about trucks doing the deed came on just now and its interrupted my flow, apologies).

i only have three actual characters right now. one is an original roleplay oc whos design is literally athletic shorts, an oversized long sleeved grey sweatshirt, long purple hair, and demon horns. the second one is my persona whos design some sorta medival knight outfit kinda thing? but not ugly it looks really cool (idk one of my friends designed it bc i won some contest from him but the drawing was on a super small scale so idrk the details,,,) with a plague doctor mask and crown, and shoulder length wavy brown hair, dyed bright pink at the end. and then my last one im not too comfortable using other places because theyre a character my friend is using in the story hes writing, and thats really the only place theyve been used. but theyre easily my favorite and im already writing a ton so ill talk about them too.

they're a sorta elf species thing from another planet, with pale green skin and pointed ears. they also have a tail, its like,, super thin, but with a feathery bit at the end. probably not the texture of a feather but i dont know how else to describe it. they have short, curly, almost-draco-malfoy-blonde hair that when it gets too long they can put in a man bun. their eyesight is kinda shitty so when they got to earth, they were exploring some supply closets around the airship. drop off area. thing. like airport but for rocketships and also fancier. yeah. they were exploring that area and found a nice big pair of round glasses with grey frames. and they also found a cowboy-style hat and a sharpie so they wrote their name on the underside of the brim of the hat and stole the hat and glasses (but left the sharpie in the supply closet).

yeah theyre my favorite, my absolute beloved, my child, so cool. i want more characters like them but with maybe a bit more snazzier designs. theyre super cool and all but they could have more pizzazz if they werent in a story where its too late to give them more pizzazz. i just want to be able to give my characters thigh-high boots with a bunch of buckles and fluffy hair with tons of accessories crammed in and abnormally large and long ears that can harbor many piercings and horns that can hold rings on them and special little details on their outfits like who knows what but i dont have any characters to do that too, so i have to make them from scratch, which is always hard especially when you have artblock.

and i also have like 17 characters i need to fully draw, line, and maybe color for artfight before august 1st. so i dont know. i have many things to do and plenty of time to do it but instead i spend my time halfway watching repetitive youtube videos that get boring or sleeping all damn day because i stay up too late doing things like this or i just do nothing at all and its tiring and frustrating but i also feel nothing about it like theres no consequence if i dont do it besides you know. not doing it, not gaining that experience, not making something i enjoy.

so i should do it but i dont for whatever reason, i think its called executive dysfunction but im not sure. this post started out very differently than it ended and i said somewhere up there that i was writing this at 2 am but now its almost 3. this is so many words why couldnt i have put this energy into something productive

[hpfangirl13]

50 questions you’ve never been asked

tagged by @chasethesun18 

What is the colour of your hairbrush? white and black

Name a food you never eat? olives and raw sushi

Are you typically too warm or too cold? i am constantly hot. i open the window to my room when it’s cold at night so I feel like I’m sleeping in a fridge.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? eating an apple and watching youtube

What is your favourite candy bar? hmmmm... close tie between reese’s and butterfingers

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes! we love the chicago cubs in our family and i’ve probably been to about 20 mlb games. I have also been to 2 nfl games for the bears.

What is the last thing you said out loud? “i’m ordering the pizza, chill” @ my dad

What is your favourite ice cream? cookies and cream 100%

What was the last thing you had to drink? water- very bland

Do you like your wallet? yes. its michael kors and my dad bought it for me as a 10th grade graduation present.

What was the last thing you ate? an apple (im bout to eat pizza so don’t think im that healthy)

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no cuz nothing is really open and i havent been to the mall in a hot sec.

The last sporting event you watched? damn idk. sports have been off for so long that i dont really know.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? the movie theater kind with a shit ton of butter

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? @chasethesun18 aka ryan. talking about how when she comes over to watch mpi tonight and coughs she has allergies and not corona.

Ever go camping? i guess. i went to a summer camp for 2 years when i was like 12 and 13. we did a “pack out” one night. wasnt really a fan. i like sleeping in a bed thx.

Do you take vitamins? yes my mother yells at me every morning to take my gummy vitamins. (yes, i am 5 years old)

Do you go to church every Sunday? no, not really religious at all. i don’t really believe in that kinda stuff.

Do you have a tan? ehhhhh kinda but not really? i cant really tan tho cuz im part irish and polish white.

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza. i gotta be in the mood for chinese.

Do you drink your soda with a straw? in restaurants yea at home no.

What colour socks do you usually wear? any kind really, i have harry potter socks all the way to adidas socks

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? yep. i speed and its really bad. especially when im on the interstate.

What terrifies you? losing my parents, being all alone in life, snakes, spiders, and dying in a car crash.

Look to your left, what do you see? my closet door with pics on it and my “i ship it” sticker. (miggy im thinking of you)

What chore do you hate? walking my dog and folding laundry.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? shrimp on the barbie

What’s your favourite soda? sprite or cherry fanta (but you can never find it anywhere)

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru lately cuz that’s all you can do

Who’s the last person you talked to? my dad

Favourite cut of beef? i guess burgers? idk what that “cut” of beef is called tho

Last song you listened to? macho man- the village people-- dont ask me why.

Last book you read? a fanfic. havent read a book since harry potter and that was like 6 years ago

Favourite day of the week? friday. cuz my shows are on and i get littyyy

Can you say the alphabet backwards?i probably could but it would take too much effort and i dont want to.

How do you like your coffee? at home i will drink anything decaf with flavored creamer. my fav is from starbucks where i get a  decaf venti iced hazelnut latte with nonfat milk and 4 pumps of hazelnut. (very complicated i know)

Favourite pair of shoes? prob my nike ‘07 air force ones

The time you normally go to bed? ehhhh sometime between 11 and 2 normally. kinda depends on how tired i am and what time i have to get up the next day.

The time you normally get up? when i work i get up around 8. on the weekends i get up around 10

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets cuz im not a morning person.

How many blankets on your bed? like 8. i really like blankets

Describe your kitchen plates: we have had the same damn blue and flowered plates in my house since before my birth. no lie.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? im 19 and i dont drink. ive had a sip of beer and wine from my parents before and i hated it so i dont feel like im missing a lot.

Do you play cards? we play uno like once every 6 months

What colour is your car? bluish grey

Can you change a tire? nope

Your favourite province? well my mom is from montreal, canada so imma have to say quebec.

Favourite job you’ve ever had? babysitting! for the first family i ever babysat for in my neighborhood. theyre in middle school now. *sheds tear*

How did you get your biggest scar? the only scar i have is on my right foot on my second toe. smashed it in a pool when i was 7

What did you do today that made someone else happy? well i deliver groceries for a living so hopefully i made people happy by bringing them food?

THE MAGNUM PI FINALE IS ON TONIGHT AND MY BODY IS READY!!!! @chasethesun18 and I are bout to get litttttt

tagging: @juliethiggy @jenscorpion @theblacksiren @jennie-may

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[freckliedan]

Hi! I noticed you have they/them as your pronouns and I was just curious (because same) how I should, when it’s safe - of course- and respectful to do so, correct people when they use the wrong pronouns and also tell new people about how to address me? It’s genuinely not something awful when I’m called she/her but when I’m close enough to people, i try to bring it up. Except my issue is I can hardly manage to correct someone when they mispronounce my actual name (accidentally)..ahh. I’m shy :(

hi! i’m sorry it took me so long to answer this ask b

i don’t actually have the most experience with correcting people when they use she/her for me; the only place where i exclusively use they pronouns is here, with my closest friends, and in definitively lgbtq+ spaces? but at this point All of my closest friends use either they/them, they/she, or he/him pronouns (side note: he/him wlw i would fight and die for you), so i have a bit of practice correcting pronouns for other people? 

that’s maybe the easiest way i can think of to correct pronouns-to have a person or two you’re closer with at school or work or in your family (depending on which contexts are applicable and which are safe for you!) support you by reminding other people of the right pronouns? me, my gf, and our best friend miles all work together, and miles exclusively uses they/them; they also has anxiety, so once they were ready to be out at work, we just started using they pronouns for them all the time, even in conversations with other folks. bc they weren’t always easily able to correct people! something we would do a lot is repeat back things people said that misgendered them, but with the right pronouns? so if someone said “yeah, is a really hard worker” i might say “yeah, they are” back? it’s sometimes a lot easier standing up for other people than yourself, at least in my experience.

that kinda pre-supposes you having trusted people who are good about pronouns, though! so. i think another good way to get people used to pronouns besides he and she is to use a friend as an example, if you have other friends who use they/them pronouns? like if the friend is okay with it you can discuss them or mention stories including them, and use they/them pronouns the whole time, or even be like “oh yeah, my friend so and so uses they/them pronouns bc they’re . that can kind of get people more used to they/them pronouns and give you a chance to feel out if a situation is fully safe to be out in? and you can start training people to do better with respecting your friend’s pronouns, first. (if you don’t have any other friends who use they/them feel free to send me a message sometime, b,or if that’s too scary you can just call me ur friend/use me as an example as a blogger or something!). it’s a bit easier to segway into “i also use they/them pronouns” if someone already has a frame of reference for what that means! 

another good thing that can push through awkwardness is to just be aggressively normal about things? like it’s maybe even a thing you could practice while alone or with a friend you’re already out to. but like being like “hi, i’m , my pronouns are they/them!” having a friend or friends that you’re out to helps with that kind of normalization, because you can have your friends introduce themselves with pronouns, too, if it’s an option. it can work in conversation if someone misgenders you, too- like if you’re there and someone says she or her or girl or woman in reference to you, just be like “i use they,not she” or them not her (i also love unit as a replacement for boy or girl and person works as a replacement for woman or man) in a casual normal way and if they start being all apologisey and focusing it on how baaaaAaAaAd they feel being like “you don’t have to draw attention to it by apologizing, just try to do better!” i know none of that is easy to do, at ALL, but if you’e able to practice it might help?

since starting work at my practicum, I’ve discovered that in a lot of nonprofits and more progressive business settings, people have started including their pronouns in email signatures, even cis folks, to try normalizing introducing introductions that include pronouns? idk if that’s applicable to you though!

something that helped me start to be braver when i was younger - and hear me out on this! - was pretending to be not myself? like, i did a lot of theater when i was younger, that’s part of where i got the idea for like.. “acting” in situations that weren’t necessarily theater? but i also did so with a fandom spin. like, i had to get blood drawn in my senior year and it super is not a thing i like at all? and at the time i was a huge s*pernatural fan, so was like “be brave like the w*nchesters be brave like the w*nchesters you can do this” and it actually helped. sometimes when i’m trying to get past the aggressive salespeople at the mall kiosks (they’ve gotten me before i bought a lotion) i try walking like the winter soldier from marvel movies and putting off “don’t fuck with me” vibes. i was starting to get anxious during the SATs writing section and was like “it’s okay be like hermione” and like.. i don’t necessarily do that with specific characters anymore in such a strong way? 

but i do still sometimes let myself lean into different versions of myself where i focus on a different trait or different version of who i am and let that be how the world sees me? at my practicum i work with a group of young lgbtq+ folks and i’m not gonna lie, i was super fucking anxious on my first day! but i leaned into my stage-manager-self and letting myself perform being confident and capable and sure of myself in a no-nonsense kind of way? stage-manager-energy for me also has slightly different body language-i stand different, i carry something to take notes on sometimes. props help sdjfklsjd. but that let me have a false confidence when first meeting these kids, and it eventually turned into real confidence? and i wasn’t being fake about who i am in a way that would eventually come back to bite me, bc it was just a stretch of the truth not a disney channel original movie disaster lie?

or like, sometimes when im feeling dysphoric or anxious about the way i choose for the world to see me i’ll wear more black than i usually do and do my best to live my truth and take comfort in the fact that dan would be proud of me. hm. i’m getting on a bit of a tangent here but it’s something that’s helped me be more confident a lot over the years? being good to myself because i know it’s what a character or person i’m a fan of or know in real life and love very much would want for me?

also something that helps for me for having hard conversations with close friends is like.. sometimes having them by text even if we’re in the same room? typing can be so much easier than talking. a format for saying that could be saying “hey, i started to use they/them pronouns online and i actually am a lot more comfortable with that than she/her, could you start using they/them for me in ? 

oh also i’m fairly certain there’s probably nonbinary youtubers out there who might have better advice than me about this specific subject? my gf actually watches a lot more youtube than me - i only watch dnp, but they watch a ton of different folks including ash hardell? and from what ive seen ash might have some kind of video more helpful than my big ol ramble.

i hope some or all of this helped? it’s a tough thing that i’m still really learning to navigate for myself instead of just as a support to friends, so i’m not sure how much of this is anything at all, but i hope that something in here was worthwhile and if you ever wanna come back and chat again, on anon or off, i’d be happy to listen to you

[curly-q-reviews]

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

A Star is Born, 2018 (dir. Bradley Cooper)

Nominated for:  Best Original Song, Best Sound Mixing, Best Motion Picture of the Year, Best Lead Actor (Bradley Cooper), Best Lead Actress (Lady Gaga), Best Supporting Actor (Sam Elliott), Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Cinematography

(TW SUICIDE, ALCOHOLISM, DRUG ABUSE)

(ALSO THIS IS A SPOILER-HEAVY REVIEW DONT READ IF U HAVENT WATCHED THE MOVIE YET AND WANT TO OK HERE WE GO)

WOWEE TWO REVIEWS IN A ROW IM ON A ROLL BABBIIIEEEE

ok so remember how i said in my intro that i didnt think this movie was deserving of best picture well uuhhhhhh i lied

or rather as ive been thinking about writing this review and the points im gonna bring up i kinda realized that this is actually a very VERY good movie and the reason i was biased against it is that 1. its the latest of four count ‘em FOUR iterations of the same film and im just so fucken done with remakes, and 2. it got a lot of commercial success mainly because of lady gaga who is like not a fantastic actress but she did do a pretty good job in this????  im gonna get into that later but for now lemme slap y’all in the faces with a healthy dose of ~Movie History~

as i mentioned earlier, this movie is a remake of a remake of a remake of a classic 1937 film starring hollywood starlet Janet Gaynor called- U GUESSED IT- A Star Is Born.  the original film is not a musical at all and really has no music apart from the movie score, and is not about a musician but an up-and-coming actress’s rise to fame in hollywood.  i really recommend seeing the original film (u can find it for free on youtube) because it gives a lil glimpse into what hollywood was like for young women trying to make it big from the late ‘30′s all the way into the ‘50′s.  theres this whole scene going over how janet gaynors character esther blodgett has to go through a complete transformation, not just physically but character-wise.  back in those days in hollywood u would have a whole team give u essentially a completely new identity, giving u a new name, changing your hair and eyebrow shape, creating a whole new backstory for you, and pinning down what “type” of actress you’d be (are you more of a pure innocent waifish type?  or the hard-working mother?  or the sexy yet airheaded provocateur a la marilyn monroe?).  its really interesting!  and also shows that hollywood has always wanted to control women so nothings really changed!!!  great!!!!!!!

so the reason the sequel made in 1954 went for a more musical route is because they managed to get Wizard of Oz darling Judy Garland to play esther blodgett/vicki lester this time around.  so now instead of a hollywood actress shes a stage performer trying to get her musical career started, and the musical element of the film is presented as her various stage performance gigs instead of it being like a “the music is the script” type scenario.  this movie has arguably one of garland’s best performances on film, so im surprised that i only just found out about it when i was watching some videos about the history of A Star Is Born, but also i didnt know much about her filmography besides The Wizard of Oz anyways.

the third sequel, filmed in 1976, is the one that no one really remembers or talks about despite it starring the legendary Barbara Streisand (it doesnt even show up on the list of options on IMDb when u type in “A Star Is Born” which is kinda sad).  esther/vicki is still a musician in this one, but this time shes a Rock Musician cause its the ‘70′s and rock n’ roll is god.  her character is also vastly different than the previous two, who dont have a lot of agency in their own lives due to them being women and it being the ‘40′s/’50′s.  this esther is a go-getter, independent and an activist, who plays around with gender norms and hyphenates her last name with her husband’s instead of taking his on fully.  i havent seen this one yet but ive heard its not really the best of the bunch despite having streisand at the helm, but it did still win an oscar for best original song.

ok so now we have the newest addition to the family!  Bradley Cooper’s take on this classic story is kind of a mish-mosh of different elements from each of its predecessors, taking the rock musician storyline from barbara’s and the subplot about changing the lead’s identity from the first two.  one thing that is pretty much the same amongst all four of these however is the real meat of the story: the romance.  esther/vicki/ally’s love interest and eventual husband (a movie star by the name of norman maine in the first two, a rock star named norman howard in the third, and a country rock star named Jackson Maine in this one) stays about the same character-wise in all iterations, with a few tweaks here and there.  he discovers esther/ally performing, is infatuated with her, and helps her in some way to advance her career and propel her to stardom, all while the two fall in love and get married.  norman/jackson has one really big vice in his life however: alcoholism (and in the 1976/2018 versions drug abuse is tacked on).  this provides the tragedy for this love story, as norman/jackson cant seem to get a handle on his addictions, plus he has a hard time seeing his wife skyrocket into fame when his own career is swiftly going down the shitter.  theres a big scene in which he sabotages her acceptance speech at an award show (whether it be an oscar or a grammy), she considers putting her career on hold to take care of him, and due to the overwhelming amount of guilt he feels over all this he commits suicide.  and then the final scene is some iteration of esther/vicki/ally doing a tribute to her late husband, either in a speech with the original vicki or a singing performance with the three others. 

i had planned on watching all of the other three A Star Is Born’s in preparation to write this review but i never got the chance to watch Garland and Streisand’s takes, so all i can really compare this new one to is the original.  but man i gotta say when i watched A Star Is Born 2018 in theaters i cried like a wee baby, that shit was an emotional gut-punch, and the original was really good but didnt give me that same visceral reaction.  im a real sucker for character-driven stories and this movie fits the bill.  this is the most complex and nuanced norman/jackson’s character has ever been, whereas in the other versions hes just kind of a stuck-up jerk who is jealous of his wife and doesn’t know how to handle it.  in this one he has a soul, u can understand how he got to be the way he is, which makes his ultimate demise all the more heartbreaking. 

as far as esther/ally’s character goes, i feel like i’d like judy garland’s take more than lady gagas even though i havent even seen the 1954 version yet.  but from the clips i have seen of it judy really knocks it out of the park, we really get to see how torn up she is over her husbands struggles and she gets real damn vulnerable.  ally’s a great character dont get me wrong, shes independent and self-sufficient like streisand’s esther but with the moments of vulnerability that garland’s esther had, all sprinkled with a dash of realness.  with this ally, we get to see more of her life like where she grew up and what her family’s like, which helps contextualize the kind of person she is.  however im afraid that this new script almost gave jackson a little TOO much character to where hes suddenly the star of the show and ally almost feels like a supporting character when this is literally her story.  so idk man it kinda feels like bradley cooper like hijacked the script so that he’d have a bigger role in the movie

ANYWAYS fuck where do i go from here ive already written so much uuhhhhh ok

ok ok ok ok ok ok

do i like this movie???  yeah its really good!!  i’d say it deserves the screenplay and cinematography noms cause this movie does look fantastic and despite some shortcomings the script is also solid.  as far as the acting noms go, bradley cooper for sure deserves his, he acted the shit outta this role and really brought jackson to life.  lady gaga’s nom im a little iffy on even though i was pleasantly surprised by her turn at this classic character.  i think the script also really played to her strengths and allowed her to shine, cause she was kind of essentially playing herself.  BUT bradley cooper was able to coax out of her the best acting performance ive seen from her so far, so im excited to see where her acting career goes from here and see how she grows in this new facet of her life. 

so lets get back to the whole best picture debate again.  i think the main reason why im so reluctant to say that this really deserves that nom is that im kinda tired of hollywood rehashing the same movies over and over again, no matter how good the remakes end up being.  i want a new and fresh story to get a chance, something that’ll really shake up the industry and get its blood pumping again.  which is why im excited that a movie by yorgos lanthimos has a shot at best picture this year, cause heres a director whos trying something different.  A Star Is Born getting a best picture nom just feels to me like hollywood and the academy going with what they know works, whats safe and tried and true. 

however from a purely objective standpoint, i mean i cant deny this film is really REALLY good.  even the music is fantastic, its been a few months since i saw the movie in theaters and “Shallow” still gets stuck in my head every so often.  so u know, i wouldnt be too too mad if it does end up winning.

wow ive been writing for a long ass time my poor lil phalanges are about to fall off, im gonna end this rant here!  lemme know what y’all think, whats the scoop, whats the dealio, all that jazz

hopefully one of these days ill have time to sit down and watch The Ballad of Buster Scruggs so that’ll probably be my next review, and then i gotta carve out some time to get my lil butt into a theater to see uuhhh everything else!!  stay tuned y’all this movie train aint stoppin anytime soon we’re going ALL THE WAY BABBIIIEEEE YEEHAAAWWWWW

[blossomjisung]

85 questions tag 🌸

rules: answer all 85 questions then tag 20 people!

tagged by: @blankunits 💗💗

♡ Last…? ♡

1. Drink - coffee

2. Phone call - my mom

3. Text message - a friend

4. Song you listened to - what is love by twice

5. Time you cried - uhm two days ago

♡ Ever…? ♡

6. Dated someone twice - yes

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - i don’t think so ??

8. Been cheated on - yes

9. Lost someone special - yes

10. Been depressed - yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - nope

12. Fave colors - pink, baby blue, pastels, kinda obsessed with pastel yellow lately

♡ In the last year have you… ♡

15. Made new friends - lol i cant make friends 

16. Fallen out of love - yes

17. Laughed until you cried - definitely yes 

18. Found out someone was talking about you - yes 

19. Met someone who changed you - mmh yes

20. Found out who your friends are - yes

21. Kissed someone on your FB friend list - nope

♡ General ♡

22. How many FB friends do you have irl - ugh i doNT HAVE FRIENDS

23. Do you have any pets? - yes! a cat, a rabbit, an hamster and an axolotl, i’m planning to get a dog soon

24. Do you want to change your name - no, not rlly

25. What did you do for your last bday - ugh i dont even remember 

26. What time did you wake up today - 7am,,, my cat woke me up

27. What were you doing at midnight lastnight? - already sleeping 

28. What is something you can’t wait for - going to university 

30. What are you listening to right now - nothing

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom - nope

32. Something that gets on your nerves - when people don’t listen to me

33. Mosted visited sites - tumblr, youtube, instagram

34. Hair color - dark blonde

35. Long or short hair - short

36. Do you have a crush on someone - nakamoto yuta and jung jaehyun ???

37. What do you like about yourself - my personality i guess

38. Want any piercings? - nope

39. Blood type - idk lol

40. Nicknames - ali, alichan 

41. Relationship status - single 

42. Zodiac - leo

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fav tv shows - dexter, mindhunter, breaking bad 

45. Tattoos - none

46. Right or left handed - right handed

47. Ever had surgery - yes

48. Piercings - none

49. Sport - lol

50. Vacations - paris, amsterdam, japan and korea 

51. Trainers - converse, puma

♡ More general ♡

52. Eating - nothing

53. Drinking - nothing

54. I’m about to watch - nct life probably

55. Waiting for….. - the end of my final exams

56. Want…. - a dog, a miniature pig 

57. Get married - its not in my priorities rn

58. Career - i hope criminal psychologist

♡ Which is better ♡

59. Hugs or kisses - ive been hating skinship lately but imma say hugs

60. Lips or eyes - eyes

61. Short or taller - taller

62. Older or younger - older

63. Nice arms or stomach - nice stomach

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - idk

♡ Have you ever ♡

66. Kissed a stranger - nope

67. Drank hard liquor - yes

68. Lost glasses - yes lol

69. Turned someone down - yes

70. Sex on first date - no

71. Broken someone’s heart - ..yes

72. Had your heart broken - yes

73. Been arrested - nope

74. Cried when someone died - yes

75. Fallen for a friend - uhm yes

♡ Do you believe in…? ♡

76. Yourself? - not really

77. Miracles - nope

78. Love at first sight - no

79. Santa claus - nope

80. Kiss on first date? - yes

81. Angels - nope

♡ Other ♡

82. Best friend’s name - elisa

83. Eye color - light blue, but it changes depending on the weather 

84. Fave movie - american history x, mustang, trainspotting, fight club, donnie darko, the stanford prison experiment, the diary of a teenage girl and a lot more

85. Fave actor - idk 

tagging : @yukuwu @elizenaya @daehwifi @yuta-the-mountain-man @hansolstea @simsdork @poetichyuck @jellybeanmulti i dont want to bother anyone else lol you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to!