#idk my feelings about this topic always kinda center around

[sminiac]

random jinsik minjae junmin info dump cause i saw xikers w/ barricade mnbgfgffbbbf and HAVE to tell a FF writer abt it and ur my fave🤫🤫

Jinsik

-when he’s interested in someone he mirrors them soooo heavily, he would look over at me then copy what i was doing lol he’s so cute whether it was jumping up and down pointing at each other or him teasingly copying my habit of covering my mouth with my hand when i’m shocked 🥹🥹🥹

-so so attentive to make sure the person he’s interested in is watching,

-and then when he knows he has your attention he tries to show off whether it be little stunts with the mic or a small show of strength bgffghhhbgf

-he’s also… pretty jealous LMAO i was interacting with Hunter and Jinsik looked over,, and saw me only paying attention to Hunter and went 😒 likeee sorry bub but ive paid attention to u all night let me talk to Hunter once pls

-during almost every song&every ment i have a video recorded instance of him looking at me trying to be subtle but it was actually vv obvious lol

-also suchhhh a lover boy🥹 he got to the point where he would just automatically smile when we would make eye contact and he’d get flustered and look away while all smiley.. Jinsik’s future lover ur so luckyy

Minjae

-when he finds someone that interests him he’s such a MENACEEEE

-genuinely so crazy and loves to provoke, he came up to me with the mic and i got scared and backed off then later he threw one of their sweat rags at me and pointed at me like??? 😭

-gets so smug when he has your attention like he’ll smirk to himself when he sees you’re watching him

-also when he’s like in the zone he sticks his tongue out all the way idk how to explain it but it’s crazy (and kinda hot too…)

Junmin

-lord

-def the kinda guy that makes you look him in the eye and put ALL your attention on him

-he would look at me until i noticed him and put my attention on him (then he’d get all happy and smiley) (he’d also only do it when he wasn’t center so i always had to be on junmin watch to see if he was looking)

-also unpredictable ? one moment he would be making direct eye contact and literally licking the air at me (in the middle of covering lsfm ep&tbw) like full on caressing the air with his tongue (which… i don’t know how to feel about😭), then puffing his cheeks out and doing cutesy peace signs to me in the middle of iffy😭

-kinda off topic but whoa irl his eyes are so beautiful… like not gonna argue with a man with big beautiful brown doe eyes! Whatever you say gorgeous 🫡🫠😘

anywayyy that’s just my lil infodump of habits and mannerisms they seemed to have when i saw them!!

Bestfriend ily but… I think you need to know that they’re like.. quite literally in love with you bestfriend.

This is craaaazy oh my god, I’m actually so??? I don’t have words, the way you could’ve snagged any one of them. Jinsik interacting with you has me thrashing around, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

ALSO BIG BEAUTIFUL BROWN DOE EYES IM GIGGLING.

[high-theyre-frendough]

ABOUT THE BLOG

For a while, I was posting random high thoughts on my main account, but decided, why not make a dedicated page for that kind of content. So, this is my 🍃 account. I will never post or respond here if I am sober or think I am too sober. That way, it is authentic.

MY NAME

If you don’t follow me, call me the avocado bandit. if you do follow me, you must call me the avocado king. becoming a follower makes me your king.

ABOUT ME

I am an adult and I consume weed to help with my C-PTSD & depression. Also for silly time because silly brain is fun. I am a trans guy and I use He/It/Xe pronouns. I would prefer it if minors did not interact here, but I suppose I cannot be too mad if someone comes across a funny out-of-context post. This is under the assumption that I can be funny. I will try to avoid posting here while not high. This includes writing this pinned post.

We have DID and sometimes post about it. However, that is not what this blog is focused around.

DNI

If you are transphobic/TERF/trans-med or otherwise an obnoxious cisgender person (fuck it, especially the CISHETS) then you can go bye-bye.

If think you can be a system without childhood trauma, also bye bye. This account is not the place for this drama, but trust me I have a nuanced opinion on the topic. But I don't wanna deal with it on this account.

If you homophobic, good bye bitch. Also if you exclude asexuals or non-binary people, then fuck off. Go eat a used gym sock.

If you are racist or xenophobic, I hope that your teeth rot out of your mouth, leaving you to only eating bland soup, as you are no longer allowed to enjoy foods from other cultures.

If you are trans-id I would appreciated if you identified as blocked.

If you are pro ana or sh it would be cool if you got help instead of glorifying it online.

If you are a pedo, it would be pretty fucking cool if you got on a boat to the center of the ocean, tied cinder blocks to your feet, and entered the water.

TAG GUIDE

Different types of posts will use the following tags for the following things. If you follow, feel free to block whichever ones you like. Don’t expect everyone to like everything, so here it is for your convenience.

#♻️ gilded profoundness -> These are posts which are meant to be meaningful, even though they probably are not.

#♻️ descriptions -> directly describe the experience of bring high

#♻️ weird -> weird things said while high that are probably stupid on purpose

#♻️ capitalism -> sometimes when i'm high i am thinking about capitalism too hard and confuse myself. should i put "we"??? we are a system but will not talk about it on this account much, so idk if it is relevant? should i add things to confuse? never mind

#♻️ realizations -> things i did not think about before

#♻️ realizations but traumatic -> tmw you have a ptsd flashback while high and then recover and you are still high and also kinda dissociating and you sit there and you think about what you just now realize was trauma cause you thought it was normal but no, it fucking was not, but you're high so you just write it down somewhere so you remember it, then you go back to thinking about silly high things, or consume strange media cause you're high and that's fun to do while high.

#♻️🍆 spicy -> horny posts. probably won't post much of that here as we have a separate blog for horny thoughts, but if it is here it'll be tagged

#♻️ reblog -> posts i reblogged

#♻️ memes -> usually have to do with venting but not always

#♻️ real time -> describing things as they are happening or just happened.

#♻️ free space -> Concepts to write about for entertainment.

#♻️ ask response -> if someone said something that would be nice but do not be mean please

#♻️ agere -> sometimes baby brain takes over. soft fuzzy high brain easily becomes little baby. sfw!!!! (note that this blog is not 100% sfw, though when i do regress, it is in a sfw way)

#♻️ paranoid -> will also be tagged with common tags just in case for filtering. i just realized that if someone follows, and the block some of these tags, this pinned post will be hidden cause i have those tags pinned for convenience

#♻️ neutral -> idk a specific label

#♻️ walmartposting - Its a place for stoners to exercise aimlessly.

#♻️ upset -> vent or something idk

#♻️ dissociative stuff -> stuff about DID. usually syscourse. figured i might as well make a tag for it since we get riled up while high on occasion.

#♻️ yeee 🍺 -> alcohol was involved

[itslouisan]

Me rambling about the writing process of my manga when it involves gods, deity and slight religion mentions

Hi so...first official post in here? Well my introduction post is almost done, I wanted to kinda ramble, talk and see if other indie authors for novels, mangas, and writing in general have a similar problem to me.

My manga "The illusion of life and death" or "Shinigami despair and hope" has an original fictional world, I'm talking about species, languages, countries, magic, science, technology, EVERYTHING different and (a little too complex) deities that make this world work.

So just before I start my talk about the subject, TW: religious trauma mention, religious stuff, if you are sensitive to such topics or hate on people for their beliefs ditch this post right now.

Under the cut for my religious beliefs and how I'm handling writing a story with it.

I'm Brazilian, aka a country that even with a lot of mixed beliefs, ethnicity and so on, in the front page "open" to everything, is violent and VERY stuck in the past. Brazil handles a lot of social and economic problems but in my vision the biggest one (and one I suffered from in an early age) is that Brazil is Christianity centered. God is a fundamental part in the culture, literature, beliefs, politics, history, but especially how you live. Since I was able to walk I was put to christian settings and traditions, forced under my grandparents to believe "faith is everything, your only salvation is God, you need to believe in him or you'll be unhappy forever and anything that falls off on what church teaches you is wrong" which wasn't only I but a common problem, the only reason I didn't go to catholic school was my dad being against it and so was my mom. With that being said I'm 16, a short life spam but in all these years NONE of my interactions with any religion were positive, from my family forcing it on me, to bullying in school, relationships and friendships falling because of it, simply because since age 10, I'm an atheist (and proud of it).

Which is because even though yes regardless of religion many people accept people like me, trans, LGBTQA+, neurodivergent and so on, but unfortunately all I heard in general in my life was that the only reason I'm unhappy and suffer is because of lack of faith, which isn't it funny? That faith is SO important in ones life you should abandon everything for it and your happiness should be devotion? Idk sounds like a red flag to me. But also because in Brazil (a violent country with social issues so bad you can't escape it no matter how much you try) creates a sense of needing to hide what you are, mask, blend and force yourself to believe or pretend to others, live a lie. Which creates situations to people like me being afraid of going to school, or being harassed, or even having the small chance of dying due to extremism.

And believe me the stereotype of the unhappy atheist that converts later and becomes SUPER happy is so displeasing. Why can't media show that 1- being atheist isn't our main personality trait or something we talk like we are superior 2- doesn't mean we are depressed and unhappy 3- that we live normal lives 4- that depression and problems comes due to people AROUND US and the system we live and not our beliefs.

So yeah, even though I try to write the most inclusive possible characters, manga, novels and so on, due to my (small) religious trauma and bias of thinking religion did WAY more harm than good in the world and history and how we behave, I have this issue with my own world in fiction.

How I handle my gods, religion and so on in MY manga and why I do so

I try to be inclusive since my goal in life is to create a safe space, make others feel safe, escape from our reality and think about our world and why it is the way it is in a fun way, in my fictional world magic came due to the existence of gods, goddesses, deities and so on due to human beliefs, magic was always real, but it only started manifesting when the humankind (which mind is really powerful) started to believe in it and manifest it so much that slowly it entered the world.

There's around 14 gods and so on, 7 mini ones and 14 representatives, and they are very important to the order in this world, yet, I feel like a hypocrite and uncomfortable with it sometimes, because it makes it seem they are NEEDED, faith is CRUCIAL to the magic existing, and well in my manga one of the messages I wanted to portray is that you don't need faith, or extremism or anything to be strong, you need to believe in yourself, want to change, install that same want and change slowly in your life AND evolve knowing you ARE already stronger than you give yourself credit, that yes the universe is infinite and vast, but doesn't mean you need to worship it to be happy, get it? And even if you do have the faith it shouldn't blur your judgment and lifestyle entirely, after all, if you only don't do anything bad due to fear of punishment, you aren't a good person, you are just afraid.

How am I solving this? Simple, I realized that HEY I dictate the rules in here, if in the same world a book can shift your reality, 2D, 3D, 4D and so on can coexist and interact and a frickin onion is powerful, why can't the deities be flawed? After all my biggest issue with Christianity is, why would God care for YOU specifically? And even so, if he is SO GOOD, powerful and omnipresent only wanting to do good for the planet, why he let humanity be this fucked up?

My deities are flawed, they are just like humans, the difference is that they were born with a power bigger than anyone else, thus they evolve, learn, make mistakes, are selfish and so on, influencing our world but hey, what do they know or don't know? We are like a rock in the shoe for some of them, or a pet, or a lab rat, or a random accident, or a bunch of small children in the classroom they need to watch over.

But hey, that's just how I deal with it I guess..

If anyone wants to discuss it (peacefully please) or has a similar experience, please let me know

[bigskydreaming]

re: not character bashing or carrying your dislike of a character into your own fan writings. Hmm. Does this apply to Bruce too?

Umm. Yes?

I know I have a rep for being extremely critical of Bruce, particularly in regards to his parenting, but I don't think I've ever argued that he's a terrible person or has no redemptive qualities? In fact, I've clarified on multiple occasions that the entire point of EVERY Bruce-critical post I've ever made is my big wish is to see those things applied to future depictions of canon and fanon Bruce and his dynamic with his kids.

YMMV, but personally I view that as the opposite of 'wanting bad things to happen to a character.' I'm all FOR a positive relationship between Bruce and his various kids and all of my criticism stems from times and ways where I feel he bears responsibility for a particularly negative aspect to one or more of these dynamics.

And like, the Batkids might be my actual point of focus for all my wants/wishes for depictions of more positive, healthy relationships between them and their father....but uh, their father is still very much front and center in the picture, whenever I picture more positive depictions of the Batfam? A better outcome for Bruce might not be the direct POINT of all my criticism, but there's no way for him NOT to benefit from any more positive Batfam depictions like the ones my criticisms are in support of?

I want accountability for times and ways I think Bruce's depiction or narrative choices have been to the detriment of his kids. So that he can be written addressing these things, not so he can be flogged in the village square.

Its kinda like how my entire personal ideology towards crime and punishment is geared around restorative justice, not punitive. Sometimes the latter is part of the former, in certain scenarios or circumstances. But I'm a big believer that the latter should never be the POINT of the former.

Anyway, feel free to @ me with any meta, headcanon or fic/ficlet where you think the central conceit is "Bruce Wayne Is The Worst and Deserves to Suffer" as opposed to Bruce Hug Your Damn Kids Challenge.

To be clear, I'm not saying there's no chance posts or fics like that exist - just that they're not something I shoot for and not something I think properly represents my viewpoint on the character and his dynamics. As such, if they DO exist, its probably because I did a poor job of conveying my actual point, they were taken out of context (given how nonlinearly/stream of consciousness my posting habits are, this is always a big possibility with me), or idk, a particularly bad day got away from me and I took it out on a character I'm critical of in ways and for reasons that didn't actually have to do with whatever I was actually saying.

I do want to point out though that there's also a possibility that this perception of any particular post/fic I've written about Bruce is like, something you brought to the party? Just saying.

Anyway, not trying to run you off, because if you're thinking of specific things I've written that don't align with what I said in that post, I'd rather know what they are than not. Personally, I PREFER if people who think I'm being hypocritical on a topic call me out with specifics.

Please note: with SPECIFICS. If you wanna just accuse me of being a hypocrite in general, its like okay? Not much I can do with that though. I don't AIM to be hypocritical so any time I am - which does happen - it only happens because I don't realize my own hypocrisy and there's a 100% likelihood I'm not gonna do jack shit to address or change an instance of hypocrisy/hypocritical behavior if I have no idea it exists. Don't get me wrong, not trying to apply for sainthood here, lmao, I'm A-Okay with being an asshole when I think its called for and I'm not pretending to be all turn the other cheek about internet fights I've been in.

If you just volley "You're a hypocrite" as an across-the-board insult or attempt to discredit me because you hate me or consider my vibes to be particularly rancid? Fuck off. If you've got a specific instance in mind though, I'm happy to consider it because I don't actually consider being a hypocrite like, a lifelong affiliation or something I aspire to. There are worse things than accidentally being a hypocrite or being considered a hypocrite for something I did or said without knowingly considering the hypocrisy.

Like, for instance, deliberately being a hypocrite even after KNOWING I did or said something that was pointed out as hypocritical.

So personally, I consider it to be to my own benefit to be confronted with specific times or ways I've been hypocritical with my posts or writings, because if it only happened because I didn't mean to be and failed to realize I was being a hypocrite there....I WANT the opportunity to address that, clarify myself or change my stance one way or another, or make sure I don't repeat my mistake there or double down.

But again.....I just wanna point out this is a two-way street. I admit there's always a chance that whatever reason someone considers me hypocritical, like, I earned that with my actual opinions or behavior. The ACTUAL only times I have a problem with being considered a hypocrite is like.....if I'm not actually being one? LMAO. Like just saying, presenting me with specific times/places you think I've been a hypocrite might back you up on that, but it also might not. 

I'm sometimes the problem.

I'm not always the problem though, and I do stand by the fact that I think some posters/parts of various fandoms have a history of misrepresenting me or things I've actually said or done. I've got no interest in enabling that, so like I said, by all means @ me with specifics if you've got a specific post or thing I've written that makes you feel I'm full of shit. But don't do it unless you're at least open to the possibility that when confronted with that post/writing, I might be able to defend my stance or poke holes in someone's claim of hypocrisy. Accusations aren't always true, or even usually true given some of the usual suspects who like to sling them my way. I'm not always gonna be able to refute someone's interpretation of something I said or did, but I absolutely can refute the ones that are made in blatant bad faith, for example.

Anyway. Like I said, I stand by what I said in that post about character bashing, and I don't personally think my usual take on Bruce actually says otherwise. Anyone wants to talk about specific points I've made that suggest otherwise, and see if I can reconcile that, you know where to find me. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Its happened before, it'll happen again. I don't love being called out for hypocrisy, it'd be kinda weird if I did, lmao. But if there's one thing I for sure love even less than that, its being called out or considered a hypocrite baselessly or because of someone else's misinterpretation/misrepresentation of me or my actual opinions, without me ever getting a chance to set the record straight.

You want me to own my shortcomings or potential shortcomings, you've gotta be willing to own yours too if I'm not actually in the wrong. Fair's fair. I give zero fucks about being the bigger person or taking the hit for someone else's bullshit or mistake. Owning instances of hypocrisy sucks, but so does being held to double standards, and I'm just not a 'pick your poison' kinda guy.

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

[thefoundationproject]

hehe it's the anon with the deaged ccs and 17 ask. wrote that right before i went to sleep so idk what that was but thanks for liking my ramblings i guess 😊😅 if any actual writers take inspo that's alright, would love to read something in this setting that isn't from my delirious mind😅

also things i forgot to put in;

edee are very much confused why all the alphas excluding 17 are so old. but in the way that they just make fun of six for being old. fox is the loudest about it and they suspect most aware that he's trolling. neyo too. colt is preoccupied. gree is just as loud but actuallly genuine about the why.

six is oscillating between "omg my babies are babies and happy and free ans i'll give them anything and everything" to " if these little assholes call me old one more time i'm throwing them in the ocean". also give him a break he has like 9 4 year olds to take care of. excluding the shebse his twins carry around like teddy bears. but they all cuddle pile at the end of the night and he not so secretly loves it.

17 goes hunting with the alphas and they're slightly emo about seeing a young alpha being free on cd "we're not crying its dust in our eyes"

rex is kinda confused as to ponds being so silent but not complaining. he very much enjoys carrying him around when baby fox gets too tired holding him. also the one embarrasing thing he does is dress them up in frilly outfits and take family pics (really this is payback for adult ponds who'll love them, if you've seen catawampuscorner's baby clones in animal onesies series think that, baby ponds also loves this)

fox follows rex or 17 around when he's not carrying ponds because thats hilarious. rex is somehow unnerved by baby fox. baby fox knows this.

bacara is fully sceptical/scared at first, they're not sure if it's because he doesn't remember anyone/anything or his baby personality is just like that (fuck davin). at first he sticks by neyo who can talk for him but seeing neyo trust six latches onto six too who's really nice to bacara. him and rex bond a little later on because it's the strongest memory he has from adult bacara and rex seems nice baby bacara thinks ( he is he gives him hugs and chocolate and doesn't seem to mind bacara not talking or having an accent when he does and can understand him pretty well. he even knows jp mando'a!). also fenn checks up and seems cool for a jp which is very confusing but he takes him to the jp training centers and to the novas and baby bacara has a grand old time. (imagine the novas with baby marine commander he'd feel so much love. they just finished making like a giant bouncy castle training course for the littles and baby bacara gets to test it. they rope keller into it too)

bly also wants to go exploring but noone trusts him to not get into some trouble so he gets distracted with puzzles, gree joins him when he's done and tells him all about cd. later aayla steals him away and they go on an adventure

honestly i've had something like this in mind for a long time ( as in the vode moving from kamino earlier but i always loved your characterizations and part of that comes from the lives they did live so de-aging it is!) but it never made it out of my mind, until now! so thanks!

Hello and good morning to you! You've definitely sparked conversation in the server friend. Not quite the same topic but Mielipieli just did cadet Shebse this morning. Lots of Sheb'ikase feels all round.

@sailorsol look there's mooooooooore

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

genuine question here, how are you are a lesbian but are still able to sexually fantasize about fictional men? no hate just curious ✌️

heyyyyy, this got wayyyy too long so I'm putting it under a read more sksksk pls forgive me for the length but I hope what i've written makes sense and sheds some light on my sexuality :) if you have any other questions regarding this, I don't mind answering! I'll do the best I can to further explain my feelings bc none of this is organized sksksk

That's a very good question that I've asked myself a lot while trying to figure out my sexuality and it's taken me a while to come up with a suitable answer but it boils down to this: although I enjoy exploring topics in fiction does not mean I want it to happen irl, and I think this applies to a lot of stuff not just fictional men! Noncon, murder, angst, yandere, these are all topics that we as writers explore in a fictional setting but would never want to experience irl. I'm sure there's plenty of answers as to why ppl do these things, but at the center of these speculations is the fact that we do not want our fictional scenarios to come to life. No one truly wants to be nonconned by someone, no one wants to be stalked, no one wants to go through a painful tragedy, but we're still curious about exploring the possible feelings that we would have during these events and so we write about them.

Ik this is going all over the place sksksk bear with me my love. What i'm trying to say is that I like things in fiction that I don't want to happen in the real world. For example, I love true crime! Always have, probably always will, but just because I love learning about murder cases and serial killers does not mean I actually want people to go out and murder ppl in cold blood and leave a little breadcrumb trail for the cops to follow. Just because I like the concept of someone being obsessed with me does not mean I want to go through that in the real world (and I sadly have in the past). Same thing applies to men: I like fictional men bc I can put certain expectations on them and they will never do something I don't want them to do bc they literally don't exist. But when men approach me irl I am much more reserved and feel no attraction whatsoever. I don't hate men, but I feel a sense of unease when they flirt with me or get too comfortable when we don't know each other. Blame it on biology or my past experiences with men, but I just don't like them the same way I like women. I don't like the idea of a real man finding me attractive and trying to get close to me, putting his hands on me and kissing me or showing any kind of affection that is anything other than platonic. Maybe it's the trauma, idk for sure, but the thought of being with a man the same way as a woman just makes me uncomfortable and nauseous. I can't imagine it happening. I think it's different with fictional men bc I can control what fictional men do. If I don't want a fictional man to touch me, he can't. If I don't want a fictional man to hurt me, he won't. Fictional men are safer, they can't actually harm me, so I can do whatever I want with them and not face any consequences. Kinda like playing with dolls, making up little stories and giving them voices and pretending that they're real, but at any moment I can put them down and do something else without having to worry about facing any responsibility for my actions.

I feel like this is becoming more confusing than anything and I apologize if that's the case. It's difficult to explain how I feel because sexuality is not necessarily concrete: it's something that flows and changes and is malleable. For the longest time I thought I was straight but I just "never found the right guy". Then in college I thought I was bi but the only people I genuinely enjoyed being around were women, and I never considered that men could be attracted to me so when they did show attraction, it just went straight over my head bc I never saw them in that way. Now that I'm out of college and away from a homophobic household, I've realized that men have never made me feel special in the way that women have. When a woman smiles at me and shows interest, I get all bubbly and giddy and I can feel my body light up with excitement, but when a man does the same it just comes off as odd or creepy. Perhaps I am bi/pan but if I was and if I genuinely liked men, why wouldn't I have the same reaction to their attraction to me? Why do I feel nothing when a real man says that they like me? Why do I not pick up on hints that a man is interested in me? Men just don't give me the butterflies that women do, but who knows? Maybe, even after 23 years on this earth, I still haven't found "the right guy" that will make my heart flutter. But how long is it going to take for "Mr. Right" to show up? Why waste my time waiting for a man to come around when there's dozens of women that make me feel extraordinary already here? Knowing all of this information, it only feels natural to label myself as "lesbian" because no other label I've discovered fits me quite as right. It's the most comfortable label I've found for my strange predicament and it makes me happy!

Off topic but I once talked with a gay acquaintance about this, and he told me something he learned in psychology: he said that when we consume fiction, we do not accurately insert ourselves into that fictional world. Instead of just plopping ourselves into that fictional world, we create an image of ourselves that fits better into that world. For example, if we use Harry Potter and Hogwarts, we give ourselves a Hogwarts house in order to fit better into that fictional world. Similarly, we may change our looks, our gender, or our sexuality in order to fit better and feel more at home in this fictional setting. It makes it easier for us to consume fictional media and to make sense of it, especially when the content is hard to understand, like science fiction.

ALSO OFF TOPIC SKSKSK but I discussed this issue with my therapist at one point, talking about my sexuality and how I feel differently about men in real life and fiction, and she asked me if I would like these characters more if they were women. It took a while to think about, but at the end of the day I believe I would like my favorite characters a lot more if they were women, so perhaps I just like the characters for their personality traits??

TL:DR sexuality is v confusing and nothing is set in stone, so to make things simpler I just choose a label that I am comfortable presenting myself as. That label happens to be "lesbian" but I may change that label in the future. For now, I don't want to pursue a relationship with real men, so calling myself a lesbian makes it easier to deter men away from me and to pursue relationships with queer women.

[pekorosu]

just a lil “if ash lived” headcanon that i need to unload somewhere bc i've been holding it in for a long time

- set within the manga ‘verse

- takes place when ash and eiji are in their early 30s... so around the mid 1990s?

- i don’t get the weird animanga trope where older = longer hair, so they’re gonna look the same... maybe with slightly shorter hair bc they get regular haircuts now 

- (note: i've always interpreted long-haired eiji as symbolic of the fact that he couldn't move on from ash’s death)

- ash and eiji will continue living in the states, idk if still in NYC or somewhere else. they’ll move around a lot though.

- ash will mostly remain underground as he had to fake his death after lao’s stab, but he does it in a "hiding in plain sight" kind of way. only a handful of people know he’s still alive.  

- ash spends most of his time on the computer, mostly coding, hacking, being a nerd, among other fun stuff.

- he also takes on “jobs” anonymously, and occasionally from max (who’s still into investigative journalism) when he needs info that can only be obtained through Dubious Means.

- i also like to think that ash's a bit of a hacker robin hood lol. but he isn’t doing it purely out of the goodness of his heart, as part of it is a subconscious need to atone for his “sins” and cleanse the gnawing and persistent feeling of shame that gets amplified when he’s around eiji.

- also whatever he’s up to these days would ofc still be Highly Dangerous and Illegal, but it keeps him busy and would sate the part of him that’s still hungry for adrenaline without him having to engage in stuff like active bloodshed or substance abuse. basically that’s how i imagine he’d try to cope with life the only way he knows.

- eiji continues to do photography and other part time gigs bc he does not like the idea of mooching off ash forever, and he slowly makes a name for himself.

- ash and eiji live together but they are NOT together in a romantic sense... not yet >:)

- therefore eiji will probably date other people in the meantime, which gets a little troublesome bc it's not like he can bring them home to where his secret Very Important Friend is secretly hiding.

- ash will maybe have one-night stands every now and then. or not. idk. this isn’t a very important detail.

- anyway there will be lots of clueless but mutual pining :)

- ash especially, is of the opinion that they should start living separately bc someone will eventually track him down, maybe someone who has a past or present grudge on him. combined with his current activities, it’s only a matter of time before eiji would unwittingly get dragged into his problems again.

- eiji is v adamantly against that plan bc he's sorta developed a debilitating sense of paranoia that ash might just get killed somewhere while he’s not looking. not that ash isn’t paranoid either, but his insecurities often tip the scale over to “eiji is safer away from me” than “with me”.

- basically they’re doing their whole “stay. no, leave. no, stay” dance all over again, but like, dragged out over MANY YEARS.

- you thought eiji’s letter would’ve cleared up any crossed wires? 

- HELL NO

- like yea, there was probably a beautiful honeymoon period of about a year or two after they reunited, before their respective trauma and issues started creeping in and fucking things up again.

- esp on ash’s end, i think he’d engage in a lot of self-sabotage. and eiji is only human, he has his own limits and baggage too.

- there will be a government conspiracy plotline but on a smaller scale compared to canon that i am unfortunately not knowledgeable enough to worldbuild on, but it will probably have something to do with cybercrime/cyberterrorism/stuff like that bc it needs to tie in with ash's hacking shenanigans.

- i've heard that sing ends up becoming some sorta political big shot in yasha? idk, i haven't read it myself, but since china’s rising status was mentioned in GoL i imagine the plot should relate to that somehow.

- therefore sing would also get to be in this story! 

- i guess this means yut-lung would come into the picture at some point as well, and it would be a good opportunity for a redemption arc but i haven’t given it much of a thought bc i’m indifferent to his character orz SORRY.

- look i can’t do plot, but i am basically envisioning a political thriller with a side of slow burn romance (wait, you mean like a rehash of canon?)

- i’m thinking max is the one who kicks off the story by bringing something fishy to ash, and they just end up uncovering more and more and MORE stuff as they keep going.

- so for like 80% of the story, ash and eiji will be separated bc ash will be busy spying or infiltrating something... and being at the center of Plot Things, while max and eiji will be more on the outside dealing with the journalist side of things. i’m fond of max-ash interactions but i’m also REALLY CURIOUS about max-eiji’s dynamic :D

- meanwhile sing will be like, half in and half out i imagine. he's versatile like that lol

- ...i did NOT mean that in a dirty way

- anyway, this will provide ash and eiji ample space to work out their issues separately, as i think living in close quarters for so many years has actually been aggravating them. ofc those issues don’t get 100% resolved by the end, but some time apart from each other to cool off and spend with other people should provide a bit of perspective.

- i want ash to make some NEW FRIENDS (!!!) that are on the same wavelength as him bc there’s only so much that he can tell eiji and i’m sure he gets rather lonely, so there will be OCs that he will meet in the middle of Plot Things.

- ash will get trapped at some point. preferably with sing so they can have a much needed heart-to-heart talk. they’ll have a lot to hash out, ranging from the events in BF, shorter’s and lao’s death, all the way to ash’s love life. 

- btw i like the idea of eiji and sing being close drinking buddies who confide in one another but ash is kinda, justalittle, not very happy about that LOL 

- i mean, it's not like eiji can confide in ash when ash is the topic at hand, ya get me? as for sing, he’s similar to ash in the sense that they live dangerous lives, so i imagine he just finds it nice to be able to hang out with someone mundane like eiji every now and then.

- not to say that ash and sing aren’t talking to each other at all, but i think they’d have a bit of a rift between them. sing probably does feel some resentment, both at ash for killing lao AND at himself bc he knows deep down that given a choice, he would’ve saved ash over his own brother. ash can sense that tortured vibe, so eiji’s like their middle man. AND THAT’S WHY THEY NEED A HEART-TO-HEART TALK

- (SIDE NOTE: i want akira to have a role in this too. i actually have a separate headcanon that happens prior to this story... kinda like an alternate GoL? 

akira goes to the states to visit eiji, but ash is also there, yeah? akira and ash start out sorta prickly with each other bc ash is all weird and standoffish and always cooped up in his room. she probably mistook him as a jobless model mooching off eiji at first since 1) eiji and ibe have never spoken about him back in japan (cuz he’s supposed to be dead), 2) why would eiji be living with some random hot guy? unless they met during one of his photography gigs? right??? 

and then she ends up witnessing them in the middle of a tiff, which makes her not like ash even more bc HOW DARE HE YELL AT POOR OKUMURA-SAN??? UNGRATEFUL JERK!!!

but over the course of her visit, she snoops around learns a bit about their history and gathers hints as to why their r’ship is kinda strained. also ash and akira somehow end up bonding (reluctantly) over their emotional insecurities and part on a friendly rivalry to win over eiji’s affections (which eiji is completely oblivious to. also akira may have been 100% serious but ash was just jokingly playing along with her (OR WAS HE???)). anyway long story short, ash teaches akira some cool tech/IT stuff along the way so that leads to her gaining an interest in the field. 

she won’t be able to do much in this story, but a minor role would be cool :)

 ^ a lighthearted gyoza-making scene amid all the angst)

- (SIDE NOTE #2: i ALSO want cain to feature in this, but bc canon provided very little bg info on him it’s hard for me to figure out where he’d fit. but i suppose that’s precisely why it would be great to include him, since i can just make up my own backstory! lol. for now, i think he should be connected to one of the new OCs to make him more central to the plot. or heck, he can be involved himself! ...yeah, i’m just salty about how cain was treated more like a convenient plot device compared to the other major side characters. we barely know anything about him even though he was one of ash’s most trusted allies. #caindeservedbetter2k20)

- anyway, back to the main story. ash (and his new "friends") barely escape where they’re held hostage. ash would be rusty with combat now as he’s spent the past few years doing only stealth work and being rather sedentary. 

- so there’ll be lotsa old man!ash jokes like them poking fun at him whenever he complains about his back hehe

- when they finally emerge outside they find themselves in the middle of nowhere! they then hijack a passing pickup truck and do a roadtrip back to civilisation. ROAD TRIP FTW

- at this point, quite some time has already passed and ash even has a fuzzy beard and mane and all. he’s standing at the back of the truck with a small smile on his face and the wind blowing in his hair, thinking GONNA GO BACK AND SEE EIJI, MISS HIM LOADS, HELL YEA 

- (bonus: this song and this scene is the catalyst for this entire headcanon btw)

(drew this about a year ago. i was trying to imitate the manga’s art style... and the ash i had in my mind was a little different. i’m too lazy to redraw, but he’s fuzzier now okay! MORE FUZZ! like an actual freakin LION!)

- meanwhile, eiji and max will get into some deep shit around this point? 

- eiji in the pic above was me imagining that the Bad Guys had tossed some damning evidence (eg. severed body part?) on the ground like “ash’s dead/ash’s in a lot of danger now so hand over all the info u have”

- and eiji and max are like. SHOOKETH

- this would be the 3rd time ash has “died” after all, and as they say... 3rd time's the charm...

- eiji almost gives in, but then max spits in their face like fuck no and then... yeah. they get beat up and taken away or something lol

- EDIT: hmm... what if the Bad Guy is someone IN the government, and he uses his power to get eiji and max arrested for aiding and abetting a wanted fugitive (ash). and then ash has to rescue them... JAILBREAK STYLE

- also it might be cool to introduce ash's mom somewhere in this story... maybe SHE'S the villain! mwahaha *drama intensifies*

- anyways they will get saved by ash and gang bc that’s just the way things go, BUT! only on the condition they already made it out at least 80% of the way bc GODDAMN IT👏LET👏EIJI👏BE👏BADASS👏FOR👏ONCE👏 

- (that is, after he overcomes the initial shock of ash possibly being dead again... again...... again............)

- there will ofc be moments of “oh my god, you’re okay” "i thought i lost you...!"

- something like this, because one can never have enough cheesy reunion scenes

- this will eventually lead to REVELATIONS (of the romantic kind, yes) 

- buuuut they will never say "i love you" directly to each other bc ash is too emotionally constipated and eiji is too japanese. it's okay, they will communicate it through heated stares 👀

- i would love for there to be a scene where they have to be separated again for Plot Reasons and ash sorta hesitantly goes all "...will you wait for me?" as a direct parallel to canon!eiji's "i'll be waiting" and it’s like,

- FINALLY! 

- FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! ash has finally allowed himself to ask for this, to let himself want it! 

- and eiji would be like OF COURSE I WILL YOU BIG DUMMY, ALWAYS AND FOREVER

- but i think it'd be hilarious if eiji pops up while ash's in the middle of the final showdown and ash's like WTF I TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR ME and eiji's like I WAS WORRIED OKAY YOU WERE TAKING SO LONG

- idk how this is supposed to end...

- oh wait! since the plot is government-related, maybe Someone will be able to pull strings to wipe out ash’s criminal record (past and present) and give him a brand new 100% legal identity, as thanks for his efforts? or maybe ash (or sing) just does it himself somewhere along the way LOL. anyway, he’ll be able to start over with a fresh clean slate and finally work on recovery FOR REAL NOW. yes this is a happy ending AND it didn’t require him to go to japan /flips off canon

- ...i realise it’s never going to be that simple but W H A T E V E R

- (also they probably will visit japan in the future with that shiny new passport... gotta meet the in-laws and all y’know)

- who do i gotta pay to write this cheesy self-indulgent fic for me

[morkleemelon]

♡︎How nct127 would kiss you ♡︎

these are just based on my own opinions and observations. my blog is soft hours 24 hours so this post is safe for all ages! please enjoy~

Taeil ♡︎

taeil is a soft but surprisingly manly guy

he might seem a bit dorky around the other members but when it’s just the two of you, he likes to take the lead and sweep you off your feet

very normal kisses, short and sweet and very often too

when you wake up, when you leave for work, when you get out of the shower, whenever he sees you he’s always kissing you

you guys are kinda THE couple and Taeil has no problem kissing you in public because he’s really proud to be with you

favorite spot to kiss: your lips

favorite spot to be kissed: his lips

Johnny ♡︎

(Look at his perfect everything lips omg shhwjefuwjrbd)

He’s a long boy so he usually has to lean down quite a bit to kiss you

When you’re washing the dishes or cooking, he wraps his arms around your waist and practically does a split (cherry bomb choreo?) so he can bury his face in your neck

L o v e s kissing your neck it makes him feel so in control and he likes the way you react too

When you guys cuddle on the couch to watch a movie, Johnny loves kissing your jawline as you lay on his chest, his strong arms holding you steadily across your waist

Favorite spot to kiss: the nape of your neck

Favorite spot to be kissed: anywhere, as long as your lips are on him he is happy

Taeyong♡︎

Is this legal omg (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

He is the softest lil bean no matter how he seems on stage

Loves it when you play with his hair while kissing and it drives him crazy when you tug slightly on his earring

His lips taste like vanilla bean chapstick

I feel like Tae wouldn’t like kissing you in public as he is quite shy and wouldn’t be into PDA. If he does, it’s probably a simple peck on the cheek or forehead

Favorite spot to kiss: your hands

Favorite spots to be kissed: depending on the mood, either the scar on his temple (soft mood) or the spot behind his ear (passionate mood)

Yuta♡︎

He’s highkey obsessed with you (ex. How he is with Winwin and Mark) but in the best way possible

Gives you so much attention and always wants to please you in whatever way he can

He’s a passionate kisser, wanting to show you how much he loves you and how you’re his

He likes being the dominant, leading one

Is into French kissing

Really likes leaving hickeys on you and seeing them all over (possessive muchhhhh)

He would often trap you against the wall or counter with both arms on either side of you, kissing you deeply and slowly

Likes it when you hold his face with one hand while kissing

Favorite spot to kiss: your neck (aka the hickey zone)

Favorite spot to be kissed: this is kinda unique, but the center of his chest (or the gap between his collarbones). He just likes the way it feels and likes the way you lay on top of him while you kiss him there

Doyoung♡︎

(Holy...)

Perhaps unpopular opinion, but Doyoung is SO one of the most dominant members on NCT as a boyfriend/ kisser

He’s always being teased by the members so when he’s with you, he likes to finally be in control and with someone who, for lack of better words, simps for him

Likes to do a thing where he just lies down on the bed and stays still, checking his phone or something, and you pepper him with kisses all over

That being said, he’s still soft for you and loves you a lot

Would whisper sweet nothings to you in between kisses

I love you, you’re so beautiful, I can’t believe you’re mine

Favorite spot to kiss: the corners of your lips (loves teasing you like that)

Favorite spot to be kissed: anywhere (again, as long as you’re there kissing him, he will be a happy bunny)

Jaehyun ♡︎

(Can you not, sir)

I push the Jaehyun frat boy agenda and I think that applies here heavily

But he’s not like a gross frat boy who kisses with only tongue and with only the intent of getting into your pants (ugh)

He’s really sweet but he’s also an amazing kisser (with a lot of experience which is why we categorize him as a frat boy)

Jaehyun likes passionate make-out sessions and putting his hands on your hips, making sure you’re as close to him as possible

When you two go out together, he always presses a possessive kiss to the top of your head if another guy walks by (and he would very much square up if the guy looked at you the wrong way but that’s another story)

Favorite spot to kiss: your lips no doubt

Favorite spot to be kissed: his jawline

Jungwoo♡︎

I couldn’t name a sweeter kisser if I tried

He would take it slow, not wanting to rush you into anything but one thing I’m oddly sure about is that you had your first kiss on the third date

Jungwoo loves doing cute things to try to get you to kiss him (you usually do to get him to be quiet jk you love him)

He’s so warm. Idk how I know but I know

Loves it when you’re sitting on the countertop and he stands between your legs, your hands feeling up on his chest as you kiss him

He simps for you

Favorite spot to kiss: your temple

Favorite spot to be kissed: the tip of his nose

Mark♡︎

(I can’t breathe I’m so in love with you loml forever)

Pushing the Spider-Man Mark agenda, he would 10/10 try the Spider-Man kiss with you after you watch the movie together

Both of you burst out laughing as Mark clumsily attempts to hang upside down from the back of the couch with you sitting on the ground

Grabs your face with both hands and kisses you messily before he falls down (he’s so stupid but you love him so much)

Mark also does not like to kiss you in front of other people/ in public because he gets really shy and also doesn’t like sharing his intimate moments with other people

But when you’re alone, things change completely and he’s clinging to you 24/7, kissing you all over

Giggles between kisses and is always smiling because he likes being with you so much

You guys have long night talks where you just share your feelings and talk about random things (from how your day went to alien conspiracies), usually resulting in long, soft make-out sessions in between topics

Loves Eskimo kisses (where you brush your noses together) I’m gonna faint

You’ll fall asleep after in each other’s arms

Favorite spot to kiss: everywhere. He loves you so much and he can’t get enough of you (when you’re alone)

Favorite spot to be kissed: his cheeks. Loves the way it feels and how cute you look when you’re going on your tippy toes to kiss him.

Haechan♡︎

This boy... he’s always so mean and sassy to everyone but he is soft for you like no other

#1 soft simp on Earth

Thinks you’re the best person in the whole world and can’t believe he gets to kiss you

He has really smooth and soft lips and is always really gentle with you

It was a bit awkward at first because you were his first kiss but it got a lot better over time because he practiced with his hand and a YouTube tutorial

I feel like he would smell like cinnamon and he would taste really sweet (like you can’t get enough of him, he’s a really good kisser)

Has amazing technique (thank you YouTube)

Slow dances with you in the kitchen, resting his forehead to yours and pressing soft kisses to your lips from time to time as he looks into your eyes

Favorite spot to kiss: your shoulders (like when your shirt slips off your shoulder a little bit or you wear a sleeveless top, no way he can resist he loves it)

Favorite spot to be kissed: his eyelids- sounds a bit strange but when you were cuddling together one time, he fell asleep (or so you thought) and you kissed him over his eye and he immediately love how it felt. Now he begs you to do it every time

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I can’t really tell if I’m aro? I thought that I have crushes, but they could be squishes or something, idk. I feel the whole light and airy and bloomy feeling, daydreaming about being their friend. I feel all that flowery feeling and can’t help but to think, this can’t be platonic, because up till now every feeling like that I’ve seen portrayed is romantic. I think I have a “crush” on someone rn, and I think who it is might change things, because they’re a youtuber. (I know I know, feel free to bully me lmao) So I know that there is slim to none chance of even ever meeting them, let alone being friends or dating. So it’s SafeTM. I don’t really think I want dating. It sounds cute in theory, but in action not so much. But I feel like I can’t say that confidently because of my rather small expierence pool. Every relationship I’ve been it, I didn’t like, really like them. It just kinda. Happened. I kept thinking maybe one would work when I found someone I actually liked, or that after a while I would begin to like them back. I’m in a relationship rn, but a bit after the one month mark, I called off the romantic part, because I was just getting more and more uncomfortable with it. I only felt really strong platonic or queerplatonic emotion for the guy I’m with, I think. At first I was fine and happy just to be recognized as important to him, and kept up the happiness with that while ignoring the terror of romance, but after the hype dies down a little more, and the repulsion to romance doesn’t, it gets a bit harder to ignore. We’ve switched to platonic, which I’m much more happy with. I feel a bit sad I can’t give him the romantic feelings he wants, though. I quickly got off topic. Just. Idk how to accept that platonic/queerplatonic feelings can be just as strong as romantic ones. I know it in theory, but far from practice. My brain keeps telling me that someone can’t make me feel all butterfly-y without it being romantic, so I’ve always assumed I got crushes really easily. And another thing too is that I love reading about romance in fanfic, but now that I’ve started questioning, sometimes I just think that “hey, you’ll never feel this” while reading and get sad, because it sounds nice. Idk I just. Help :(

So it sounds like you’ve kind of got it figured out already these crushes probably aren’t romantic. And honestly my guess would be that it’s a squish, which can have a lot of the same symptoms as romantic attraction, except the one big difference that it’s completely platonic. 

Honestly it’s hard, we grow up in this culture that tells us every single attraction feeling is romantic and when you don’t experience romantic attraction it’s so easy to mistake other types of attraction as romantic attraction. And add on to that the pressure for romance and romantic partners to be the most important thing and it can mess with our heads. 

For dealing with these feelings, definitely read up on amatonormativity, and especially on it from the perspective of aro people. And a lot of aro bloggers talk about this, and you can search through tumblr or goog amatonormativity aromantic and you’ll get a lot of results. But you can also follow blogs that talk about this sometimes too. But learning the theory behind it can help with unlearning. 

Another thing that can help a lot is look at what messages you’re getting from the people around you/media you consume. So if there’s people in your life who are just really romance/partner obsessed, and really buy in to things like ‘the one’ and ‘soulmates’ either figuring out other things to talk about or spending less time around them can help. Romance in shows/movies also tends to be really amatormative too, and just lean heavily on that ‘this is the only way to be happy/everyone has a one’ kind of stuff, and for now I’d recommend avoiding it completely, including fanfiction. 

This isn’t forever, just until you’re in a better place emotionally and you can handle it better. But taking a break when it’s physically hurting is a really good idea.

And then to replace it, focus on other interests. Most people are really interested in something that has nothing to do with romance, and you can usually steer conversations to that. Or even other things going on in their life or yours. For media found family stuff is great, anything that involves people slowly becoming close and becoming their main family unit. So like something like Star Trek, but honestly there’s a lot of good stuff. Family focused stuff can be good too if you like that, and there’s some good shows/movies centered around family.

But basically you’re training your brain to recognize the importance of platonic relationships and seeing how meaningful those can be too. And the more you do the more you’ll believe it emotionally, and the less not having a romantic relationship will hurt. 

Personally I tend to look at romance a bit like chocolate, and people go on about how amazing chocolate is, and there are some people who just don’t like, and will never like it. And even if they force themselves to tolerate it, they still won’t get the same meaningful experience out of eating it that someone who really loves it will. And that’s also OK because there’s a lot of other food, and there’s a lot of other things to enjoy that have nothing to do with food at all. And frankly not liking or even not eating chocolate really isn’t that big a deal. And neither is not really getting anything out of having romantic relationships, because there’s a lot of other ways to find happiness, and a lot of other things that can be really fulfilling. Romance is great for some people, but it’s not the big most important thing in the world it’s made out to be.

Other things you can do could be hanging out in aro spaces/meeting other aros, reading aro media, etc. And that can help too with realising that a lot of people are aro and happy, and are comfortable being aro. And just in general can give you people you can relate to who are similar to you.

But yeah hopefully that’s helpful, and gives you a direction to go in. (Also there is nothing wrong with being attracted to youtubers! Don’t worry.)

All the best, and good luck!

[galactichoneybee92]

The Problem With Spinning Out and Zero Chill

Okay so spoilers. All the spoilers. Go into this at your own risk because every possible spoiler for both shows. Also: I will be speaking about these two shows with the assumption that readers have seen both and as such, will not need a summary of either. Okay, still here? Cool. 

I have no big hot take, just some observations that I would like to put out into the universe in regards to Netflix’s two most recent ice skating shows. Because I have a lot of thoughts, and also one big question for anyone who can maybe help me? 

For starters, Spinning Out and Zero Chill are both Netflix originals that premiered around approximately the same time, both of which feature figure skating as a backdrop for a lot of interpersonal drama surrounding the characters. It’s wonderful, because while I’m not very invested in sports I adore figure skating- It’s beautiful and fun to watch even if you don’t know a lot of the technical aspects or the names of the moves. However, for centering around the same sport the two shows are very different. Also, Spinning Out has already been confirmed to have been cancelled after the first season, while the future of Zero Chill is still up in the air.

In regards to personal preference, I liked Spinning Out a lot more than Zero Chill. It had a love story for me to invest myself in, as well as some messy, dramatic family dynamics, and overall the show was a lot more mature. I suspect that this may have actually been to the show’s detriment but that’s for later. In contrast, I found Zero Chill to be fluffy to the point of an ABC Family special. 

Do you remember those? Shows like Switched at Birth or Secret Life of the American Teenager, that tried to tackle big mature topics while keeping things family friendly? Do you remember how the writing was usually pretty sub par and the drama all seemed super contrived because there was only so much they could actually do within their given boundaries, so they made a much bigger deal out of small issues than they deserved? Yeah. Zero Chill felt like that. For example, the “hazing” from the hockey team was to...put balloons in his locker? And that was a...major diss? Worth getting super pissed? Idk. It’s just that, without the confines of being family-friendly day time programing, I have come to expect more from Netflix original programming. 

Alternatively, Spinning Out may have veered too far into the dark and gritty spectrum. If I had to guess where it failed, I would say that it introduced A LOT of drama, all within the first season and at times felt, overwrought. I think Spinning Out could have done with slowing down and taking a breath. Draw things out. Have the mother slowly escalate her abuse, stop and start with her medication, stretch out the love triangle between Kat, Justin, and Marcus. When I first started watching I thought that maybe Marcus would be Kat’s Luke Danes. Like throughout the show she dates other people, but eventually she realizes that she loves him and they end up together but...nope. The show established pretty early on that we were not going to have an epic, interracial friends to lovers romance. And I loved the enemies to lovers romance we got between her a Justin (Though I really think it should have taken longer. I liked that they hooked up before and that he was kinda low key pining but stretch it out. Sloooooooow buuuuuuuurn. Make it goooood. I want to feel the pining.) but it did feel like the cop out answer. And then they immediately introduce a black female character because apparently in the year 2021 we still have shows with exactly 2 black characters that are there to date each other. Like fuck, even South Park has made fun of that trope, it’s time to move past it. 

Secondly I think that it’s super out of character for Kat to ever go off her medicine, even if it is to help her skating. It’s the same way I felt when they introduced Ian’s mental Illness in Shameless. Like, maybe it’s a thing that people do and if you’ve known people that act this was in these scenarios than sure, maybe I’m wrong. But it just feels like they go to so much effort to show the effect that their parent’s mental illness has on them and their life when left untreated, they establish the characters as grown up too quickly, forced to mature due to their parent’s poor choices, and then just decide to have them follow in their mother’s footsteps when the plot demands more drama. I hated that as a choice for Ian and I hated it for Kat. Partly because I feel like it’s very out of character and cop-out writing, and also because I feel like if they had to do it at all it should have been later on in the series. 

One advantage that Zero Chill had for me over Spinning Out is that at least the characters were consistent. In this case I’m speaking mostly about Kayla, but also some of the others. Sure, I found Kayla’s impulsivity annoying instead of charming like I feel was the intent, but I liked her friendship with Skye arguably more than Kat’s friendship with Jenn. Mostly because Skye was pretty chill throughout the entirely of the show while Jenn would go from hot to cold and back. Do I think it’s stupid that Kayla and Skyle’s big storyline was “I want to skate with my BFF but regulations don’t allow it?” Yes. You’ve already established that Kayla doesnt care about competitions. The only time she ever did was because she wanted to skate with her OTHER BFF. So like....just skate now? You have Skye’s mom’s approval at this point, it doesn’t have to go anywhere. But at least the two seemed to genuinely be friends. Kat and Jenn started off with potential but then turned fairly toxic. Kat was never that supportive of Jenn, always wrapped up in her own stuff and Jenn just got crazy at the end there. I understand her being upset about Justin but then she learns that Kat is bipolar, you think theyre cool, and then she immediately throws that back in Kat’s face at the first inconvenient moment. 

Can I just say though, how much more interested I was when I thought the secret figure skater was someone on Mac’s hockey team? I was trying to guess which boy it secretly was and I thought that there would be a subplot about her trying to convince him to figure skate with her, but he would feel pressured by his parents to play hockey instead. And that would work as a foil to Ava, who wanted to play hockey but was instead forced to figure skate. And there would be an eventual romance because what can I say, I’m here for the romance. But no...it was Skye and then there was just that subplot about Mac wanting to date his sister’s only friend. And like, when I was trying to guess who it was I thought it might be Bear and that would be her romantic interest but....no. Bear just, also likes Skye. 

Also, is it some unwritten rule that for every white girl figure skater with brown hair, there must be an Asian best friend? This isnt a complaint, just an observation. 

And clearly I don’t ONLY have complaints. I thought that both shows ahd a promising premise, and I loved the relationship on Spinning Out. When Zero Chill actually bothered with real issues instead of contrived nothing issues, I think it did it pretty well. I liked the friendships and family dynamic better in Zero Chill, but wished that it would have been a little more mature like Spinning Out. I liked that the characters in Spinning Out were mostly adults and that it had a more adult tone, but I wish that they had dialed the melodrama back just a bit. What I really want, I supposed, is a combination of the two shows which leads nicely into my question for you all: 

I remember browsing Netflix months ago and seeing a figure skating show advertised, however it wasn’t either of these shows. It feels like these two shows were once one, and then got split up into two because I am completely unable to find the show I originally saw a commercial for. 

In that original ad there was a brother and sister, one who played hockey and one who figure skated. But the hockey brother was jealous of the sister because he felt like their parents prioritized her figure skating. So one day, before a big performance of hers, he met her right before the performance and yelled at her about how unfair everything was and it shook her up and when she went out on the ice she wasn’t focused. She slipped and fell, split her head open on the ice, and her confidence was shaken. 

But like...that wasn’t either of these shows so what the hell was it??? Were they once one? Was there some other show that hasn’t been released yet? Did I see it in a dream???? 

[stargirlfics]

I have an honest question cause I dont want to be upset over something that would put me in the wrong: With whats is going on rn, white people are labeled the bad guys in general it seems, and with good reason. I understand white people have been behind alot of awful shot towards poc, but for those who try to be an ally its kinda frustrating to constantly see people be berated cause they're white? Like is that self centered to think that? Does that make you just as bad, and a performance activist? Are white people not supposed to speak up? And if we are, what's the right thing to say? I dont want to be heard over poc but I dont want to be silent either. I just feel confused and I want to help but I feel like I'm still too ignorant about the situation? Idk, sorry this is alot but I dont have anyone around me to ask.

I think your frustration or guilt or hesitation is normal to feel and requires you to really take a look at what you’re feeling and why, is it the general use of the term “white people” that’s used when people are talking about their experiences that is uncomfortable and is frustrating? And is that your response when poc are speaking about their experiences or is it in a more general sense and also take a look at what exactly you feel is berating

My personal view is that it’s good for white people to speak up but I think that means boosting the voices of black people and poc about their experiences bc it’s usually about our experiences in the world, I think the key to knowing the right thing to say is letting go of the need to say the right thing and just try and follow and listen really listen to what we’re saying

You’re going to have to make peace with the fact that you’re always going to be learning and educating yourself on the experiences of poc, it’s a lifelong thing and you’re also not gonna know the right thing to say and you’re also going to say the wrong things or be misinformed and the key is just to be willing to always learn and try and keep doing bits of good where you can when you can

By default white people are more listened to and believed than poc so it’s just a matter of making sure we get to be heard as well especially on topics that affect us primarily. In being an ally I think you sort of have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and just doing your best to listen and let your allyship be guided by your drive to make the world a better place for poc and not be driven by wanting to say the right thing or appear supportive bc that equates to being a good person, I think that’s the difference between when it’s performative and where it feels genuine!

[sluttyten]

Hi is it okay if I rant? This may be lengthy. But If not feel free to delete this I don’t wanna put all my grievances on you bc I know how that may be annoying!

So lately I feel like a dumbass for being attracted to a guy who I know is a jerk. We literally met from arguing with each other and not getting along. We have mutual friends so we are around each other a lot and argue a lot in our groupchat and it’s a huge turn off bc we’re grown lmao and there’s no reason for him to constantly pick arguments w me or tease me like a childish boy. But he’s also said things that make it obvious he’s weirdly attracted to me too, like one of our biggest fights was because we were playing a confession drinking game w friends and he said “the girl I want to fck the most is also the most annoying girl I’ve ever met” and one of our friends was like he’s talking about YOU. It was a shitty thing to say like he says things like that and it was so childish and it started an argument that ruined the whole night. But he’s rude and our friends let him get away w being a dick but I don’t so I think that’s why we clash. I get called sensitive all the time for it. And just knowing that he annoys me seems to egg him on more so I mostly ignore him. he’s just a sarcastic asshole and always needs to be the center of attention. He’s not a terrible person but I just know he’s not my cup of tea.

But at the same time..I think he’s cute and really smart I always have and we have sexual tension. Like I can admit when a person is attractive even when I don’t like them. Anyways over the weekend there’s this festival a town near us has yearly and my friends and I went and rented a cabin and did some drinking. Oddly enough him and I got along and I wasn’t drunk I was just like tipsy but we were talking about stuff that’s been going on here in the US. So ig I should say I’m black and he’s asian so we were talking about some touchy topics with poc (we were 2 out of 3 of the only poc at the cabin and plus it’s already a pretty conservative racist state) and it came up bc of an incident at the bar where the bartenders ignored me and helped all the white ppl until my white guy friend said something and I didn’t even realize it was most likely race related like I’m just used to it but when we got back to the cabin he brought it up and asked if I was okay which really surprised me and lead to that whole conversation which made me look at him differently and kinda made him even more attractive. After that the whole night we just kinda hung out w each other and like clung to each other, were dancing together and just really touchy idk it was weird bc we hate each other so our friends noticed immediately 💀 but i didn’t care cus in the moment we got along really well for the first time. Soooo fast forward to get to the point, I kinda sorta let him eat me out in the restroom and kinda palmed him through his shorts 😭 I got really caught up and into it but when I realized I just made up some lie about being really tired and feeling sick

but that was 2 days ago on Saturday and now that I’m home I’ve been thinking about it and feeling bad like maybe I should’ve returned the favor for him and get him off too? But something in me stopped me. he hasn’t said anything bad about it he’s been very nice actually or just acting like nothing happened which I appreciate bc our friends kinda assume something did since we disappeared but thankfully he walked up to me the next day and promised he wouldn’t say anything unless I did. I haven’t decided to tell them yet bc I know how hypocritical it seems since I bash him all the time and also it’s not like I have to tell anyone. But he’s been cool lately, we’ve been texting outside of the groupchat which we’ve never done before but it’s been friendly and funny conversation and even talked on the phone last night (which for me is a big deal bc I hate phone calls). Anyways I’m kinda having regrets about it all just bc I think back to some of our past arguments or issues with one another and they’ve been bad before. But at the same time...he has really nice lips and is really good with his hands and mouth 😭 and like he’s not a bad person he’s just not my kinda person so maybe a hookup or two isn’t bad? But Idk how I feel about catching feelings for him. Like what would you do??

Oh my goodness this was lengthy lol

But I think if he’s changing then maybe it’s alright to see where this could go for you two, but if you think he’s still going to always act childishly and call you annoying and like you like a kid does, then maybe just try and do a hookup thing if you do want that

[booksly]

my year of rest & relaxation [ottessa moshfegh]

tldr: i like it but please god give us a better ending

i really really like the protag bc okay i see alot of people saying that she’s insufferable bc she’s super self-centered and critical for being someone with so much, but i kinda think that she doesn’t really view herself actually in that light. like she’s said that she doesn’t view her relationship with reva as a competition so when she talks about how skinny she is and things like that more like something that is just is — being skinny and pretty isn’t a competition and it isn’t a good thing, it just is what it is. and moreso her criticism of those around her is a way for her to ignore her own flaws (ignoring herself is a big theme in this book). y’know, judge others to avoid judging (reflecting) yourself.

the main focus of this book however, is how our protag deals with grief, depression, and mental illness. and it is nothing like how these topics are romanticized in the public eye. it’s not always dramatic or one single symptom, the physical manifestations can be ugly and boring. 

reva is like the personification of guru advice, believing that depression can be fixed with tips that 100% works for everyone, like exercise, self-help advice, etc. and the dynamic btwn ms. protag and reva is interesting, because imagine if reva isn’t a person, but mental illness ‘advice’ in the media, then is it always sort of unsolicited (reva comes in without ms.protag’s invite) but it’s not like ms. protag does anything to stop it (changing keys??? barring reva from entering the building???). idk, just something to think about! there’s more to this to explore, really, imagining that reva is literally how mental illness is talked about and how ms. protag interacts with her/it is super interesting and i think brings another insight to this book.

i really liked this book, i just adore it so much bc it reminds me of me (without the lack of concerns about money), but her sometimes ugly judgement of her friends and her desire to disappear and delete, it feels a little like reading my own thoughts on paper. i think everyone should read this, this book serves a different purpose to every reader but it really is a gift to everyone. 

[babyybitchhh]

Thotty Thursday: Part 2

The second installment of Thotty Thursday is upon us. Rejoice, heathens!

Now, let me just say that I’m picking dudes at random while trying to keep things balanced between old shows and new ones but ... y’all really bout to notice some patterns the more we do this so I’m just gonna wait for someone to call me out tbh. 😰

FYI, I like to think of myself as an equal opportunist thirster and if a dude is hot then he’s hot. I’m not one to question this shit. But when you get right down to it I have like four types: high IQ smarty pants, dummy thicc, dad and bad boy bastard. Our next snack belongs in the last category, without question.

He’s honestly prettier than me and that is not an exaggeration but don’t let his good looks fool you

This Arabian Nights styled dime piece has a mean streak a mile wide. Because of Reasons, ofc, but that don’t change the facts

Not only did he once punch a child in the face for no other reason than to assert his dominance (fact) he also pretended to cry in front of the person he hates most just to laugh about how they fell for his (flawlessly executed) act

He honestly may or may not have a few screws loose but that’s part of the appeal, you see. It adds a dash of spice to the meal

And you know what they say about crazy bitches in bed 😏

Full disclosure, I started reading Magi: Labyrinth of Magic before the anime aired and his name was originally translated as Judal so that’s what he’s always going to be in my mind. The official translation is Judar, and I respect that, but at the end of the day I do not know her

Judar who?

Can I also just take a moment to point out that gloriously long, thick braid he’s sporting tho

This man has hair for days and there’s just something I find incredibly attractive about that

I want to take it all down and carefully comb through it, play with it and style it again 

Really show him the attention he deserves

If he decided to suffocate me with it, well, I guess I wouldn’t complain about that either

Now, the setting alone had my interest PIQUED right out the gate because I love Middle Eastern inspired aesthetics and I truly don’t think it’s utilized as a setting half as much as it deserves to be. It’s very beautiful imo and the anime team did a pretty good job of capturing that vibe but if I’m being honest I think the manga was better (up to a point)

However there ain’t nothing quite like seeing your man move on screen or hearing his voice with your own two ears and when I say Judal put on a show each time he showed up ... 🥵

I think I can safely say my pussy clenched whenever I got so much as a whiff of him possibly making an appearance, PHEW

He’s just so pretty and mean

My favorite combo tbh

“But why do you like mean boys so much 🤔?” You ponder aloud and my answer to that is “I don’t know. I just do.”

Judal gets my kitty purring for a variety of reasons but the biggest is probably that I can’t look at him without imagining myself as his feisty little slave girl, wearing nothing but sheer silk and delicate gold chains, completely at his mercy ...

Oops, did I say that out loud? 😳

I mean, can you really blame me when he’s running around in those baggy harem pants though?? Can you really???

So the first thing you probably thought was: damn. This guy kinda dressed like a thot 👀

And you’re not wrong

Does he HAVE to dress like that? Strictly speaking, no. But I am definitely not complaining about his fashion choices

His titties are so close to popping out of that tiny little shirt that we’d be getting nip slips left, right and center if he had any more meat on his bones than that and trust me when I say he did that shit on purpose

This boy is SUCH a fucking tease and he loves the attention it gets him - first and foremost because he’s used to being the CENTER of attention but we’ll get more into that a little bit later

Hes just a tad 👌 narcissistic, loves to show off, definitely bipolar and is in a constant state of feeling himself so he’s hitting all his marks as far as I’m concerned

In short, he’s perpetually oozing big dick fuck boy energy and I live for it

That’s why he’s always showing up with that stank ass attitude, he knows damn well he can pull the baddest bitch around AND her man too

He’d fuck you and your boyfriend at the same time just to prove a point, that’s actually how petty he is

Honestly though I’d like to see ANYbody maintain their resolve when he’s laying on the charm and Judal’s just cruel enough to do it for shits and giggles

Probably wakes up in the middle of his sprawling imperial bed at two in the afternoon and says something like “damn, I need a little pick me up today” and then proceeds to manipulate and harass his lucky unfortunate victim of choice

He’s relentless too and will stop at absolutely nothing to get what he wants, even if that means breaking you in the process

Again, I like the challenge he represents

But also I just like a man who can make me cry 🤷‍♀️

And I don’t doubt he absolutely would. Tears probably turn him on tbh and I’m positive he’s got a bit of a yandere streak too

Are y’all seeing those patterns yet??

So did you guys notice that wand he keeps twirling around like a goddamn baton?

He’s a magic user, or in this case a magi which means he’s literally at the top of the food chain in this universe

He’s special special

Every ounce of confidence he has is rightfully deserved and even tho he’s not the strongest per say, he IS extremely powerful and his destiny as a magi is to influence the world

THE WHOLE ASS WORLD YA’LL

That’s why he’s got such a big fucking ego

I promise these aren’t major spoilers, so you don’t have to worry about that

When he was still a (too precious for words) child, he was abducted by an evil cult so that they could manipulate him and use his powers to influence shit in a bad way. The exact details of what they did to him are hazy, but based on the snippets we did get it seems like they basically put Judal on a pedestal and raised him as if he were some kind of god or a king

I’m talking waiting on him hand and foot, giving him whatever he wanted, essentially worshiping him and using persuasive mind control magic to convince him that he’s the best thing to happen since sliced bread

And it worked

Can you tell exactly how fucked up this kid is right now

Keep in mind here that I’m not saying his screwed up personality isn’t the result of some seriously bad mojo

Magi are supposed to be what tips the scales of fate in this setting which, generally, means for the betterment of the world and this whack ass cult pointedly steered him down a path he otherwise would not have gone

But it’s this tragic past of his that really brings the whole package together

He could be a mean pretty boy for no other reason than because he wants to and I’d still drop into a split on his cock

I like mean for the sake of mean too

It’s just that knowing what made him the way he is gives us the perfect amount of insight to truly feel sympathetic despite all the bad shit he has done and will continue to do

Personally, it makes me want to be the one to show him genuine, tender affection no matter how much he’s initially appalled by the mere suggestion so in a lot of ways it’s similar to how I feel towards Hiei

But that doesn’t mean I want him to change and start being n - 🤢 start being nice - 🤮

He’s perfect just the way he is and there’s just something about big, confident egos that gets me going like little else

And Judal seems to truly believe he’s the greatest gift the world has ever received and he’s not wrong about that imo so yeah he definitely has an attitude problem

But that also means he’s a spoiled brat tho and he’s definitely one of those dudes who needs to be dommed on occasion to really get the full experience 👀

I am not too shy to pin him down and milk his cock for all it’s worth, that is all I’m saying fam

And can I just point out how breathtakingly gorgeous he’d look all flushed and sweaty, whimpering like a needy little bitch in heat while having his prostate relentlessly teased for hours on end?

Goodness, it suddenly got HOT in here, is that just me??? 💦

Ofc the only way that’s gonna happen is if he allows it - which I don’t see being a common occurrence - but that’s why you gotta take advantage of that shit when it does 👀

On the topic of Judal being spoiled, I want to mention that there are actually TWO very different backdrops that I can thot around with him in, and I like that

There’s the fantasy Middle East setting ofc which I personally can’t get enough of

I’m wearing the slave girl Leiah outfit in my mind right now btw

But he also spends a lot of time in this worlds version of ancient China complete with all the dramatic robes and elegant architecture to really set the mood

He has an entire imperial palace on lock and if that doesn’t get you even a little bit horny then idk what to tell you

The royal family for the most part treats him like one of their own despite not being related in any way, if that tells you exactly how much clout he pulls in this setting, and even tho they’re essentially using him for their own gain Judal doesn’t seem to mind it one bit

He likes being at the top and having the freedom to do whatever he wants so if that means doing a little dirty work for the Kou Empire then so be it

And I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be a ride or die on these little errands

Like, just imagine this pretty boy pulling up to you on his flying carpet (that’s not a joke or something I just pulled out of my ass btw) and asking if you want to come back to his crib for some fun

You say yes, because you might be a thirsty slut but you’re certainly not STUPID

And he straight up takes you to a fucking palace

Be honest with me guys, how fast do the panties come off tho?

Be real with me here

This is actually just the plot of Aladdin but with the gender roles reversed 🤣

Fr fr though, A Whole New World plays softly in the back of my mind every time I think about this dude, except it’s much darker and ... explicit 😏

But my point here is that Judal’s got basically everything he could ever possibly want so he really just needs a pretty little concubine at his side to complete the picture

And I dead ass feel like it should be ME

When I say this man could get it ....

OOF

He is TROUBLE in its purest form and I regret nothing about my choice in fictional men

Absolutely nothing

He could honestly fuck me up seven ways to Sunday and I’d thank him for the honor

Spit on me, king. Please. I don’t need nothing else to sustain me

Unless you want to throw some of that choice dick in for free? 👀

Lord  have MERCY