#idk ramble is more accurate i guess

[akawestruck]

I watched The Labyrinth again. It is now 2am 3am and I have more Thoughts on the nature of the Labyrinth. So this is part 1, a reflection on what the characters' roles in the story and in Sarah's coming of age journey are, and how those are related to the nature of the Labyrinth.

I feel like this should be an 'In this essay I will...' but I don't really have a thesis statement, so... more under the cut

There are many ways to interpret the Labyrinth and the residents therein, but I'm going to start with the interpretation that the whole thing is a manifestation of Sarah's coming of age and all residents are parts of her. Specifically, the 'childish' parts. In which case it would go:

Hoggle: Her selfishness. The most prominent part of Sarah we're shown in the outside world. Causes problems and easily controlled by her fantasies (Jareth) but ultimately wants what's best for her

Ludo: Her naivety and magical thinking. Introduced as being besieged on all sides, simple but powerful, and gets attached to people easily. Sarah immediately has a strong affinity for him, and defends him

Sir Didymous: Her sense of fairness/duty. Reckless and overzealous, can't be convinced to change his mind or himself but willing to go with loopholes (accompanied by Ambrosius, her cowardice)

Jareth: Her fantasies. An escape from her responsibilities, seemingly seductive and controlling her life, but actually subject to her own desires. A standout line from his introduction is 'this isn't for an ordinary girl', because what girl like Sarah doesn't dream of being extraordinary?

I could go into a full analysis with evidence on each of them but I think if you are willing to go along with this interpretation it's not a stretch. Honestly, the more I think about it the more elements of the story I can fit, even aspects that I first dismissed as extra trappings to round out the characters, like Jareth telling Toby that he 'has my eyes'. Either because Toby is literally related to Sarah and Jareth is part of her, or because Sarah loves Toby and is working on internalizing that he is family despite him being new and not having the same mother.

The obstacles of the Labyrinth can somewhat be fitted into this as well, so honourable mention to the Fire Gang: Peer pressure. Doing harmful things like they're normal, trying to get her to join in. Plus the Bog of Eternal Stench: Toby's diapers (and the exaggeratedly inescapable influence of his existence on all aspects of her life the moment her entered it, the ultimate fear of her selfishness, traversable only by a healthy dose of magical thinking, and guarded by her sense of duty).

On a Doyalist level this is sufficient in itself. The characters in a coming of age story reflect aspects of the protagonist as they come of age, duh. But on a Watsonian level it's interesting because the characters are parts of Sarah's psyche, and they look like toys from her room or, in Jareth's case, play the role of the villain from her favourite novel but look like her mother's new partner (though the Vibes between Sarah and Jareth personally make me prefer to think of that as an Easter Egg rather than a real resemblance).

I keep knawing at the question of the nature of the Labyrinth. To be clear, on a story level I'm fully satisfied without an explanation. I love the blurred lines of fantasy and reality. However, I want to play in this world myself, so for myself I want to establish an explanation that follows canon but also expands the world. The Labyrinth is too much dictated by Sarah and what she needs to grow up, I can't interpret it's existence as fully independent of her, much though I enjoy various fae!Jareth fics. At the same time, I personally don't enjoy playing in the 'it's all in her head' explanation. I don't want the moments of magic in the real world to be purely her imagination, I want Jareth to have really burst into her house and her friends to have had a dance party in her room. So I prefer the hybrids like that the Labyrinth exists independently but shapes itself to the Runner (or it's her fanfic come to life, my previous post from immediately after watching for the first time).

Anyway, maybe more parts of this essay will manifest. I also want to ramble about Jareth's lines at the end and how they're related to Sarah's relationship with her stepmother. And the nature of Jareth more generally.

[sideblogdotjpeg]

ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally

(+ cropped versions !)

[averlym]

" just...come here. just sit here with me" (...that one scene from princess momonoke, click for better resolution)

[starrattlerofprydain]

Seems like my kh amvs/data greeting music videos don’t do so well on my new channel compared to my old channel 😔

[emelinstriker]

tfw you're just checking on a blog you enjoyed casually looking at after a long while cuz someone reminded you about it, looking for anything new that might catch your eye, only to then read a rant about yourself/your blog/your content with accusations that just prove they glanced over your stuff w/o actually looking at it properly-

again, just about the entire branding/servitude thing and the either baby reader or baby mk that's literally not even more than fun little what-if ideas.

and there was me thinkin i might wanna audition as a va for them if they ever needed help or anythin, but that idea sunk and the amount of respect i had for their own work went down the drain.

now excuse me, i gotta go back to work cuz i just wasted my lunchbreak typing this out.

just like my disclaimer from my old rant post, i'll be deleting anyone's messages if they try to argue with me about this shit again, cuz as stated before, this type of drama is literally giving me genshin twitter vibes.

it ain't my fault if my stuff got recommended to you and you don't like it. i already stopped using the lmk tag as much because of those anons from a while ago.

idm it if peeps have more of a weaker tolerance level towards others wanting to have a good time playing with literal legos in a way they don't like it, but i also don't want people to talk smack about others' work and call it disgusting just because it's not their cup of tea.

let people play with their legos while you play with your own legos, simple as that-

i'll just leave it at that. don't go after anyone involved either as i hate seeing this type of shit get dragged on. especially if it's all, again, opinion-based.

[fefairys]

gotta wonder sometimes if new people are put off by my rambling lol because i am the bitch that leaves a small novel in discord dms when you are asleep

[gemstarstarlight]

From My Advanced Age

Before I start this post, Kit, this isn’t your fault.

Well, it’s a little bit your fault, but it’s also some irl people’s fault.

And “fault” isn’t the right word. More like “inspiration.”

See, here’s the thing. I am no longer effortlessly young. I have been informed of this by several sources (see above) and while the teasing is absolutely lighthearted and anyone age 30+ rolls their eyes a little when I mention it, it’s been making me think.

It is no longer easy for me to know what younger people are doing. I’m no longer in high school or college. I refuse to download TikTok, for misinformation/bad take and ADHD reasons. I work a job with older people. I’m going to be a campus missionary soon, and even among them I am the second youngest person on the team. I don’t know what people are thinking anymore, what world is being created by young people, except for what I see on social media (which likes to show extremes and therefore both scares me and isn’t an accurate source for what most people think).

Although I will be working at a college campus and my primary goal will be listening to young people, showing them the God I know, and supporting them however I can. So I will probably hear a lot more of what young people are thinking.

And that’s a relief. Maybe in a chasing-youth sort of way, but mostly because I know what I do not want to become.

The upside of not connecting with people your own age as a teenager is that adults see that and want to connect with you, and they can support you in real ways your peers can’t always be able to also they have money. The downside is that they sometimes forget that you are a youngster, and they talk to you like you are an adult. And you have to sit there like you don’t know someone who fits that exact demographic they’re accidentally (or not) insulting. And sometimes that demographic is you, which is worse.

They bash the things you enjoy, but because they’re the adult you don’t speak up. You just go home and feel a little bit of you close off. And I never want to do that to anyone.

So that means I have to be open minded. I have to be someone people feel safe talking to. But what I’ve learned this year is that it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. It’s easy to look at the world (undoubtedly crazy and mildly an on-fire trash can) and the internet (even more so) and the grownups (mad all the time about things I consider a fact of life and in fact shouldn’t be a surprise if they read their Bibles) and draw conclusions about it based on my own interpretations and experiences. None of which would be all that positive.

But that’s the thing: they’re my interpretations and experiences. How do I know that they’re accurate? That my worldview will show me the way to truth?

Many people I know would say, “Read your Bible, and see if your perspective matches up with the Word of God.” Which is true, and I am attempting to do that. But 1. It’s a little bit of a red herring and 2. that’s part of my crisis: realizing that I don’t know everything about the Bible, because I am an American from the 21st century who grew up middle class and individualist, which is several roadblocks to understanding the work of a book that was written to an ancient culture that was both similar to and different from my own. So my own perspective on what the Bible says may be flawed because of my own culture and experiences! I might be missing context, and context is everything. It goes back to: how do I know what is true, and what is being blocked because of my perspective?

So I want to write about something I’ve noticed, while I’m still working on that. Something that is related to perspective.

We point out that every generation has the old people convinced that young people are becoming more degenerate, that men are becoming more feminine and passive, that women are becoming more masculine and don’t know their place (I can’t be bothered to link them, but I’ve seen Tumblr posts and TikToks mentioning all of these with evidence cited, and I’ve actually googled the degenerate young people thing).

But has anyone bothered to understand why? There might be some obvious answers (sexism for one), but the fact that this is a trend in every generation going back thousands of years and that I’ve already started seeing Millennials get upset at Gen Z’s taste in music or humor and put up nostalgia posts about the good old day tells me something:

It takes work to not become the thing we hate.

It takes work to keep an open positive mindset, to not see a thing that confuses us and think it’s a threat until told otherwise. A negative kind of thinking is pervasive, normal (derogatory), and takes work to avoid. I worry that older people, Millennials and older Gen Z like myself, may preach openness and tolerance but not do the work required to actually practice it.

So how do I avoid it? How do I stay open and be a safe place for people to share their ideas?

I’m not positive. I’m 23, I don’t know a lot. Every year, I become aware of how much I don’t know. Of how often I could be, and am, wrong. Dramatically wrong.

And I think that’s the secret.

I identified as bisexual until shortly before I made this blog. It was valid and important for my growth and essential for me in realizing I was queer, a possibility I didn’t think could be true when I was first realizing it. It was the language I had at the time. It also wasn’t true. I grew when I learned more about how people experience life and how I actually experienced it as well. When I looked for a new way to describe how I felt, when I decided I wanted to be teachable and learn, I was able to accept a new world with a new label that was more accurate to my experience. Even if it was uncomfortable, and involved me learning more about sex and how people interact with it than I ever wanted to know.

A year ago, if you said “he/him lesbians” I would have been utterly confused and mildly consternated. Now I’ve learned (I’m still a little confused but I think I mostly have the idea). In fact, a year ago I had one trans friend I rarely talked to. Now I have multiple trans friends I talk to every single day. And I have learned so much, because I decided to get over my own mild intimidation and concern and unfamiliarity, step into relationship, emphasize similarities and bonding over differences, and actually shut up and listen. And I’m so, so glad I did. I am so glad I decided to be teachable and accept that I don’t know everything about everyone’s experiences. And I, in turn, am so glad that those people made room for me to be their friend, and consider me as a valuable person with her own insights they were willing to hear. I have a little hole of passion in my heart for trans people now and how they’re treated at large, and it’s because I’ve actually listened to their plight rather than other people telling me how I should think about their plight.

On a less serious note, I hate country music. I have also observed that it’s very popular in my area (*cringe*). I’ve also noticed that Morgan Wallen shows up a lot on the charts. So today I decided to listen to a song by him. And I didn’t love the lyrics or his country twang, but I did like the rest of the music behind it. So I’m gonna listen to his album sometime this week. I’m going to grow my music taste a bit, because there has to be a reason why people are connecting to it so much it’s been on the charts for weeks.

Growing old is a fact of life that comes from being born in a certain time and having lived a certain number of years. Staying young is an active choice based on the knowledge that you will never know everything and committing to learn as much as possible all the time.

How do you not become the people you hate? Become the people you loved when you were young. And commit to always learning. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Because you don’t know everything, your perspective is limited even about who you are, let alone about the people around you, and you are always capable of growth. How can you make logical deductions if you don’t have all the evidence?

Commit to being teachable, and you will always find something new to learn.

[lateatnewyork]

Down Bad

luke castellan x apollo!reader

warnings: angst

a/n: inspired by down bad by taylor swift (i am ignoring all my drafts i have no will to write for 😭) THIS IS NOT ACCURATE

italics - flashback normal - current bold - (idk js impacting lines 😭) this - lyrics

i paced back and forth in the dimly lit room, my siblings long asleep. percy had just returned from his quest, successful, luke was taking him to chiron. normally i would just sit on my bed waiting for him to come back, but i had a vision. one where percy got hurt.

which was strange since he was with luke, and luke wouldn't let percy get injured unless luke was injured too. but it was probably just another of my visions that made no sense. i waited two minutes, five minutes, however when the clock ticked over to ten minutes i stood up and rushed to chiron.

seeing the half man half goat safe in the middle of the bonfire, running to him i questioned him.

"chiron, do you know where luke is? he was meant to take percy to you,"

my concerned tone was met with a swift shake of his head and then he resumed his conversation with mr d.

"i think i saw them heading into the forest," a camper responded.

running to the woods, i saw the faint light deep in the woods. sprinting through the woods, i sighed in relief when the source of the brightness came closer.

not thinking twice, i broke the bushes hiding the opening from me and barged in to see percy on the floor.

"percy oh shit, what happened- where's luke?" my rambling became quicker and louder.

"behind you," percy hoarsely whispered.

"what-" my question was broken by a small pinch to my neck and black spots invaded my vision and strong arms held me up.

"im sorry y/n, i love you" those were the last things i heard before i fainted.

───────────────────────────────────────────

my eyes opened, but i wasn't on the forest floor anymore, i was in the infirmary. annabeth was sitting at my side, my hand jerked when i realised she was holding it.

"y/n you're awake" she sighed.

"where's percy?" i asked. she smiled and replied "he's safe".

"it was luke." i breathed out.

"i know."

"it was luke" my bottom lip wobbled.

───────────────────────────────────────────

there was no one to talk about this with. no one would've understood me. the pain i felt for losing luke, even though i knew this was his choice and his doing, it still hurt inside me.

i tried talking about my feelings once with clarisse, but she didn't understand no matter how much she pretended she did, and the dirty looks i got from campers at the slightest mention of luke hurt.

they'll say i'm nuts if i talk about the existence of you

luke is the perfect boyfriend, he picks me up from my cabin making sure i reach my destination safely. he gives me flowers weekly, tells me he loves me, is the perfect gentleman and cares about me. just when i thought i couldn't love him more, i saw him helping a fairly young camper, the way he crouched down so the boy didn't get intimidated, with a genuine smile that was normally only reserved for me and for a moment my heart ached with how much i loved him.

for a moment, i was heavenstruck

"you look beautiful today, love" luke said with a smile. "i look the same as yesterday luke" i giggle. "yes but you in the sunshine is gift to the world" he says as he pulls me in for a soft kiss.

did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust

"luke was the one who betrayed the gods" and me.

just to do experiments on?

i stood at the cliff where me and luke hung out, where we had our first kiss, where he first asked me to be his-

"fuck you luke" i scream out into the abyss, so loudly hoping it reaches him

"please don't leave me," i break down, my voice cracking.

how dare you think it's romantic leaving me safe and stranded?

"daughter, you need to fix yourself, you are a daughter of apollo not some peasantly god" dad normally doesn't visit but i guess his daughter ruining the face of apollo was a good enough reason.

"i'm sorry-"

"you're destroying my image and the image of all your siblings," he reprimanded.

"but dad, luke-"

"i don't want to hear that traitors name from your mouth again,"

and with that he left.

down bad (like i lost my twin)

"i get that y/n is sad, but he was just a boyfriend, she's dragging it," one of my siblings said.

"i know she's so overbearing, i feel bad for annabeth and percy,".

tears i didn't know i was holding broke free and spilled over wetting my cheeks.

"i might just die, it would make no difference"

"you know you look like a star reincarnated" luke said his hand caressing my face. pulling away with a blush i replied "you're too kind luke,"

"come back"

staring at the sky, come back and pick me up

"i love you luke".

my eyes shut as the darkness of hades' embrace swallowed me whole.

cause fuck it i was in love fuck you if i cant have us cause fuck it i was in love

a/n sorry abt the shitty post but i didnt want to ghost you guys (like i have been doing) soooo yeah

[f0linasahl0]

i desperately want to create a book formatted version of the twenty one pilots lore. like it would be so fun and i have so much random information jumbled in my head about the lore and id love to write it. also id love to write it because ive seen people have issues piecing all the information together when learning all the lore information. so id love to write it in a format like this to make it easier though it would be more of a fanfiction personal opinion piece as even though i have information its probably not all accurate and the only person who knows all the details is tyler (well probably josh and mark but idk man.) i just think writing the lore into a book format would be so cool and i would kill to do it but i don't even know if it's worth it to create the fanfiction version if it bc if i get something wrong and they go to that to learn the story it would be sad i guess. i don't really know i am also just rambling bc i drank an energy drink too late in the day.

anyway to summarize i want to write the lore into a storybook format rather than just the videos bc it would be so fun. the biggest problem is the opinion/headcanon side of the lore and i don't know what's good or what's not when it comes to this. or what people would enjoy.

like all those issues wouldn't stop he from doing it, id 100% do it, just the biggest issue is my own brain. writers block and demotivation are things i fight all the time when writing and its such a big project that i don't even know how long it'd take to do it.

also the opinion part of it is so interesting bc that's where it branches off and becomes unique and id love to do it. and like sure mr. joseph is the only one that knows the extent to which the lore is supposed to be hit i think it'd be fun to create one of these days.

let me know if you're even interested because that would help me decide if i actually post it on something or not if i ever do it.

sorry for the long ass post it's really all just rambles but it's been something ive been thinking about doing for awhile. it'd have inaccuracies and would just be for fun, but id love to do it because of that. so again let me know.

thanks for reading this awfully long mess of ramble lmao. pls let me know

[lilsevilramblings]

Female England ramble mode ACTIVATED

okay so why did hetalia make England a MAN???? From a lot of historical texts and propaganda England (or Britain) is depicted as a WOMAN. For some reason people like to use personified pronouns for their countries and the majority use she/her for England/britain.

Also the fact that England/ Britain had a huge feminism movement in the early/mid 19th century (aka suffragette movement). I feel she would have been a huge inspiration on women at the time and nobody talks about it. England has had so many powerful and strong women in its history too. It has a long history of powerful women like Elizabeth II who is also known as the most photographed woman in history (does she still even have the title?)

I’ve noticed a lot of fics use Britannia as his mother which is strange and maybe correct? The English were Anglo Saxon so they’re not exactly British but people associate “Britannia” with England.

May I also suggest the fact that many poets from idk around 1900-1945+( wwi-ii) many British soldiers would refer England or Britain as her. A poem I love to talk about is The Soldier by Rupert Brooke. He was a HUGEEE patriot and loved England and tended to describe it as a mother figure and used she/her pronouns. The English aren’t the most patriotic people ever (they totally are) however they love to describe England this way and it’s quite endearing.

Yes I know hetalia isn’t fully historically accurate (which it should be but oh well) but it’s a shame that most of the countries are portrayed as men. The whole main 8 are men, I’m guessing the most popular are Hungary, Lichtenstein, Ukraine and Belarus from what I can take from the top of my head.

I’m just a bit disappointed people don’t really use female England as much as the original one. I feel it’s much more accurate but oh whatever.

[catboybiologist]

Weird ramble and asking for advice here.

When talking about biology, I sometimes run into a problem where I don't even realize that the level I'm talking about is beyond what most people think about. That isn't supposed to be a brag, its literally this often-memed xkcd:

I have a point/vent here.

I'm kinda prepping to come out to my parents in probably about a week and a half. I'm terrified, tbh. I'm kinda realizing that this is me with gender too.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm going to be coming out to two people who are on the borderline of boomer and gen X who have never extensively interacted with a trans person in their life. I wrote a document to come out to them, and I'm trying to emphasize that their acceptance shouldn't be contingent on understanding. But I also know that they'll want to understand, even in an accepting, "get to know me" kind of way.

Thing is, I'm a decade or more into self exploration and realization, theory and rabbit holes about gender, synthesis of biology concepts with the way I understand gender, and they, well... they're not.

So what I'm doing now is going back to a lot of video essays, online resources, and the like, and trying to think about what would both accurately describes my experiences, but is also at a level where they won't just understand- but they won't write it off as being "overcomplicated" or "wishywashy". And that's.... hard. Because the video I want to show them is this:

(btw, I love Lily Alexandre to death, please check her out)

I don't think this'll go over their heads, but I do think they just won't pay attention because of how.... "not set in stone" it is? Thing is, this video, especially the early parts, are pretty much exactly what I want to get them to understand. If you saw my vents earlier, both of them (but my dad is louder about it) have said that people transition to "escape" something, or as a result of some kind of mental health crisis, and usually have regrets.

But I don't know how to get that through to them.

Idk. The thing I'm trying to emphasize is that I'm a biologist, and an adult, with a light sprinkling of "you have 0 financial control over me", but I'm worried about them worrying. About them making an enormous deal in their heads about something that they think is a cry for help, or a sign of something else.

Idk. I guess I'm asking for advice. Which is- what are the best "intro to trans" videos or resources for parents of adults? Most of the things I can find are explicitly aimed at parents with children much, much younger than me, and talk about things like support in schools and such. I don't even need my parents to support me, I just need them to not work actively to hurt me or themselves.

[purpdrawsthings]

Ah yes, let's take a trip into my very, very late night doodles in my spicy book =3

Oh btw, I managed to do the same to the back of the book hehehehehehe >=]

What do y'all think

The only reason I did this was to cover up the sambal stains that hit my book 😭😭😭

That was a great decision.

I also drew some on my pen that matched with the book, and damn it looks cool

These markers are so cool

Anyways uhhhhhh enough rambling let's actually get one with the drawings.

Decides to draw 3 because the purple marker reminded me of him lmao.

Limited colors but I think it went out well ig? Damnit, I should've taken the pink one also

Here's a funny thing I did, it's for @tiredsmashbros =DDDDDD

You could probably consider this as 1K follower gift lmao. Same thing, limited color selection. So I tried layering them in a way that was unique, it's decent ig.

Congrats on 1K followers, you absolutely deserve it =3

I somehow also had the motivation to do Pipedream somehow.

Why did I say that? Well... I was doing this at literally 11 o'clock and I kinda felt sleep deprived 😭😭

I like doing late night doodles for some reason.

I didn't have a ref, since I couldn't bring my phone before going to sleep. So I had to rely on my memory 💀

I guess it's accurate? Idk.

Anyways, that's about all. These markers are real cool, might experiment on them more.

Again, congrats Tomm on getting 1K followers, so proud of ya <=]

Yeetus my fellow viewers =3

[catbeeisafraid]

I don’t have like a ton to say about this but I have mixed feelings- also spoilers ✨

I like Crystal I really do but at times her dialogue bothered me and some of her behavior was kind of obnoxious to me- like at times when she started aggressively inserting herself into situations and just kind of made it about her? Like in episode seven (though this happened many other times too) where she was having a total fit about not going to hell when it’s clearly for her own good and not about her no matter how much she cares? and I totally understand that this is her being written as an immature teenager who hasn’t been dead or a teen for 30-100 years but as a teenager this sort of selfish immature writing kind of gives me icky feelings because I know so many people who are mostly emotionally intelligent not just raging all the time.- and I mean that for a lot of teenagers and teen girls in writing, to make them tough and likable they are made volitile and annoying which to me is not likable (my opinion, I just don’t like the trope that’s not what I’m talking about right now anyway-) I do think she had good development and I liked her a lot better by the end, some people on other forums were saying that her actress was weaker than the rest of the cast and I don’t really know about that? I think maybe she was artificial at times but I’m blaming that on the writing. I also didn’t like her dialogue about her “crazy demon ex” either, it felt very forced? -Not her emotions about the whole mind cage thing I get that but just all of the “UGH WHY ARE THEY SO FUCKING NOSY IM JUST TRYING TO GET OVER MY STUPID STUPID CRAZY ABUSIVE STALKER DEMON EX BOYFRIEND UGHHH ILL DOUBLE KILL THOSE BOYS IF ITS TGE LAST THING I DO” that felt out of place to me- Lastly I get that this is also an aspect of her teenager-ness but I didn’t like the amount she cursed? I have no qualms with cursing but it felt to me like when little kids and middle schoolers start cursing where they just explosively yell fuck when like literally nothing warranting that kind of expletive has happened? She curses too often it makes her sound really stupid? Like the ep 7 “take me to hell I won’t die” thing, she was screaming at Charles who was being pretty reasonable like “fuck that I’m going he’s my fucking friend too fine then fuck it- fuck you ill find another way to get to hell” like yes she was emotional but that isn’t what teenagers sound like guys?

idk- I’d love to hear what other people think and to be clear I do like her I just focused on the negative- I guess it’s a human thing. She had lots of strong points just I ending up not liking how much she was on screen, this isn’t really about you? It’s about the dead boy detective? Give me more ghosts or Edwin or Charles or Jenny or Niko or Mr walrus please? They were fun I like them? I just felt like there were times where she was over shadowing Edwin and Charles and they are what’s actually important to the show? I think I’d like her more in smaller doses- I felt like I spent too much time having to stop and be like “girl step back this is not about you, you are not the star right now”

and to the argument of her actress being inexperienced or over acting or just not great- I have no specific feelings on this but like the other main cast had for the most part very little screen acting experience and were Fantastic so i don’t know what to feel in that area? so yes, i think crystal is an interesting character and i think she grew on me and developed in the season but i also definitely think that she’s annoying and I’m conflicted because i don’t want to not like her-..

what are your thoughts? Id love to hear different perspectives but please be nice to me because I’ll probably delete this and cry (unless that was your goal, then carry on)

that was all like super ramble-y sorry- but I hope I communicated semi accurately! Thank you

[mochinon-yah]

I just realized we all technically have the power to ask any questions on this site, and I never got to doing it. So....

[Points S.E.E.S evoker at you]

Who are the fictional characters you ship your mutuals to? Doesn't have to be necessarily their self-ship. I am deadass curious. Spill the tea, Imbibitor's lover—

We can lower that down, brynn- no need to get all aggressive now-

*cough* ANYWAY!

I'll list them down below, and if they're not accurate or you're actually gonna fight them rather than making out with the characters that i chose then yeah, that is probably my plan 😀 /silly

Oh and! I'll mostly be using genshin and hsr characters because yeah-

@beloved-brynn -> heizou and ratio. NGL, YOU + HEIZOU, OR YOU + RATIO, OR EVEN THE THREE OF YOU WOULD TOTALLY BE SO FUNNY AND CHAOTIC 😭☝️ they can counter your wild statements while also being the (somewhat) saner one but could also say smth wild as well. I could see you and one of em (possibly ratio) be like "oh yeah, the other day, i was eating my lunch while watching that gorey movie-" "what." "yeah, i was hungry at that time, so like why not yk-" (this is based on my real experience guys, guess which dialogue is me lmao)

@meimeimeirin -> hmmmm, koh zhongli maybe? Okay, let me tell you the reason why... it's simply because she NEEDS someone who can pamper her! I don't know where that conclusion came from, but yeah. Anyway, if we're talking about other characters, then i think welt, or even zayne from lnd could fit. Basically: "I need someone older, just a little bit colder." lmao (oh, mochi, did this conclusion came up because you know rin's the youngest in her family and now you ship her with men older (and more experienced) than her? whaatt... ofc not, haha-)

@leftdestiny-posts -> absolutely cannot see them with anyone other than dottore. Cute and kind but is secretly crazy "i want to watch the world burn" x The human version of the word 'crazy' "as you wish, my love" would be their dynamic, i suppose...? WAIT OH! I can actually see shiro with ayato or maybe sunday! I bet they would like such a cute, innocent-looking darling to control, but then they would get so surprised and maybe super interested into trying to control the darling despite how crazy the darling actually is- (shiro ily, if ur crazy then we can be crazy together 💐)

@navxry -> arlechinno, and maybe black swan. Yeah, that's it. No explanation needed.

@jessamine-rose -> hmmm, would it be weird if i say capitano? I don't know why or how did i get to that conclusion, but yeah. And maybe blade? IDK WHY I'M PARTNERING HER WITH CRAY CRAY MEN- SORRY JESS, I (subconsciously) THINK YOU CAN LIKE CALM THEM OR SMTH AJFIAWOF-

@stardust-for-your-soul -> funnily enough, i can see her with aventurine. They'll say sweet words that probably have a double meaning and also probably have a teeny tiny bit (maybe a lot lmao) of 'enemies to lovers' moment. (wow, cherry, your new bf is a gambler- /smack). But anyway, i could also see her be with march 7th who is so bubbly and sweet, and i'd think cherry would love to tease march hehe

@teabutmakeitazure -> ACTUALLY NGL DAN HENG????? He would listen to her ramblings and also help her write her fics. It just sounds so cute in my opinion lol. Other than dan heng (who is obviously the best choice), zuri would probably look into red flag charas, like... yeah, aventurine- but still tho, dan heng! But i get what zuri is thinking tho, red is such a sexy color- /smack

@harmonysanreads -> ngl alhaitham or kaeya would be cute if paired up with her! Idk where did kaeya come from, but when i thought about it, instantly "cute!". I think, harmony has this really 'weird' calming aura that could make those two charas just fell in love with how comfortamble she can make them feel. BUT LIKE IDK THO-

@fishanonishere -> Albedo...... i think? Fish, i know what you are- i mean like as in how chaotic and just how 'what in the world is this person thinking???' you are. With how calming and 'would jump into any interesting topic' he is, i think fish and him could be such a cute duo. Fish's ramblings and their drawings are some of the things that make him really interested in fish

[mellowwillowy]

I love the fact that you just came back and majority of the request are all about Yulian 😭😭 bro is so popular and loved

No one here can outshine my golden son… he is our beloved son,,

Let me drop the lore (ramble to be precise) behind his first post during the Halloween event while we are at it again…

He is just my most favorite male OC and I just thought, “Hey, it’s Halloween right now so why not show everyone my favorite son?”

Dropped a short interaction of him and reader that was scared shitless because they killed someone and Yulian just, “Nah you did nothing wrong” while eyeing Kaspar’s men cleaning their shit up.

Guess what? It blew up. Why? Idk. Maybe it's just his charm (I'm just biased).

Seeing how great the engagement was with him, I wrote a fic for him about him wanting to go on a vacation with Reader but was bummed out mid-way so I wrote a smut for him first instead.

Boom. The fucking smut was bombarded with horny shits. I see nothing unique from it but maybe it's the great husband charm…? (questioning life…)

Some people saw the writing list and wanted me to finish the fic so I delivered. For some reason, people stick around for a plain ass fic… Idk maybe it was the hype. (but I'm happy I finished it because people get to learn more about him :D)

Some say they just love having a devoted husband… while I'm just standing by the sideline also agreeing with them. BECAUSE EVERYTHING YULIAN IS DOING IS WHAT I WANT HIM TO DO AAAAAAAAA. I wanna be the wifie he protecc, the wifie he loves. I wanna be cuddled by this handsome faceless bastard from my dream 8 years ago. (Btw only his hair was depicted accurately to my dream, couldn’t see his face because it was way too bright but I planned on writing something based on this years ago)

End of my rambling :D

[soleilnomoon]

Prompt: “I don’t like them; I can barely tolerate them.” for Abarai Renji. Once again, I leave it up to you what you wanna do (but maybe enemies to lovers) Yes, I might be on a little Bleach binge right now but it's okay you like it. kiss kiss

*hides face* ok, ok, ok, hear me out, let's pretend i didn't take *insert accurate length of time here* and say i wrote this in a few days. i am so sorry i took forever and ever with this but as u know i can only give u top quality work or else i'll never forgive myself. renji is.......well *motions to him* yk how that man is, he made me suffer!!!! in a good way!!! but still i suffered!!! yk how much i love enemies 2 lovers u big brained beauty 🤭 so ty baby❤️️ also this is my first renji fic and i can't belev it.

5.2k words (don't look at me, just don't), fem reader, nsfw, 18+ mdni, enemies 2 lovers, angst city, angst angst city biiiitch (yk the vibez babey), smut obviously, no fluff bc who do u think i am? feat. renji being a mean petty bitch (i guess that makes him a mean dom maybe yes), sub reader bc that's what i want; there's a party with alcohol, ichigo and co. make brief appearances, bathroom sex, choking (he's sf romantic), a lot of cursing bc they're grown that's why, renji is a beast when he's jealous, reader is a lil bit of a brat but lbr who wouldn't be in that situation; mutual ""unrequited"" pining, lots of tension, fingering, rough (consensual) sex, lil bit of degradation, lil bit of a size kink, lil bit of praise kink, idk there's probably more stuff but i'm so tired rn i can't think; um renji obviously comes w his own gd warning; reader is determined to not let this man win but, hello, it's renji he always comes out on top wink wink. (if u see spelling errors/mistakes no u didn't hottie)

“when i write about all of this it becomes its own kind of violence. / i retell the story as myth, as if it were my own body devoured.” — caitlin scarano & “so much of love is violence. the desire / to be split open, invaded, mangled / and made new.” — erin slaughter

HATRED X TASTES X SWEET

you’ve never been cut out for this line of work, but your insistence on eliminating all your shortcomings is commendable. brave, even. it’s something you don’t really think about unless you want to spend the night half-drunk, rambling about the things you should’ve done but never had the courage to do.

like telling a certain red-haired, bullheaded lieutenant that he’s the most ridiculous and excessively arrogant man you’ve ever come across. all in all, you’re pretty sure telling him off won’t phase him; nothing ever does, not really anyway.

at first you try politeness; your grandmother would be proud of how well you’ve learned to bite your tongue. it’s ungraceful, but you fake it well enough that others think your emotional maturity is far above theirs. little do they know, you actually have to literally bite your tongue; simply remaining silent isn’t easy for you anymore. so, when you bite, it’s with rage, months of unshed tears and accumulated spite; you bite your tongue so hard you bleed more every time.

your unsaid words bunch together — tiny soldiers determined to strike in unison without fail — and sit heavily in the back of your throat, ready to launch forward at your command.

but you never say them, and you choke more than once; an unbearable shame to carry with you as he continues to slash at your patience, thin ribbons cascading off you like confetti. you wonder if your anger will lead to your death— or if it’ll lead to his. you intend to keep all of that hidden, though, and keep reminding yourself that eventually he will tire from berating you, from talking to you as if you’re the most incompetent being in all of soul society, from looking at you like your very being disgusts him.

that’s what you tell yourself these days. you like to conveniently ignore the way his dark eyes linger on yours during meetings — you’ve noticed that people have taken to describing them as soulless, cold and critical, unimpressed at everything and anyone.

but you see him — all of him; the raw, feral, powerful and severe side that not many have the misfortune of knowing. they think they get the real version of renji whenever they deal with him, but they never do; you know that now. you doubt it’s even intentional on his part, or maybe — just maybe — he really does hate you.

to put it plainly, as you’ve told rukia and rangiku, the sixth division lieutenant has the biggest fucking chip on his shoulder. despite the walls he continues to put up to keep others from carving out a place for themselves in his life, despite the way his words roll around his mouth, clumsily coasting down the length of his tongue before they pierce the air around you with their toxicity — you’re tired of the way he purposely singles you out time and time again to point out your inadequacies without remorse.

abarai renji is also sick of dealing with you. whenever he thinks he’s found a means of scaring you off, you scurry right back more determined and more obnoxious than ever. which is rich, coming from him.

he claims you’re inconsequential, a nuisance — a pest, even — one that he intends to get rid of permanently. it’s harsh and he’s more than aware of that, but he finds that this is the most appropriate solution to his problem. he could easily ignore you; he could try to keep his comments to himself and try to be somewhat cordial whenever you cross paths. but he won’t. and he has no damn idea why.

“no, no come in, i have plenty of snacks for everyone.”

rukia’s voice is a constant in his life that he’ll always be thankful for. he watches her glide into the room, grinning at the friends she’s invited over, her laughter like soft bells that is easily recognizable even with all the conversation happening. when he feels his chest constrict, an uncomfortable, yet familiar warmth stretching over his skin, he decides to drink so that he can ignore the sensation and forget.

a feeble attempt, because he knows how this will all end — with him drunk off his ass in an even worse mood than he started.

mouth opening, renji prepares to tell rukia to get better sake, when rangiku leads you into the living room where he’s lounging comfortably. the bottle in his hand grows heavier by the second and suddenly he’s not very interested in drinking anymore. already, his foul mood from earlier returns, and every step you take only fuels his irritation; it bubbles underneath his skin, making him frown and grip the bottle tighter.

you don’t need to look at him to know that he’s glaring at you — he always is. rangiku feigns obliviousness as she encourages you to go make yourself comfortable while she fetches snacks with rukia. you stare at both of them, wide-eyed, confused — a pleading look sliding onto your face after a few moments, but they assure you both that they’ll be back shortly.

with a sigh you sit on the armchair adjacent to him, determined to just remain quiet in the hopes that he’ll just ignore you for once. sitting up straight, discomfort finds its way to the pit of your stomach, swirling around as you fidget with the bracelet around your wrist. his eyes watch your movements with an obsessiveness that startles him; there’s no reason why he should be interested in the shape of your fingers, there’s no reason why he should be interested in the way you keep brushing stray curls away from your face, and there’s no reason why he should be interested in possibly fucking you when he knows for a fact that he is absolutely uninterested in you.

his disinterest runs so deep it spoils the taste of the sake, but he takes another swig anyway. the alcohol burns as it travels swiftly down his throat, and it just so happens that you glance over at him — innocuous, an attempt to gauge his annoyance level — as his throat bobs and your mouth dries at the sight.

you turn your face away quickly, a traitorous flush crawling slowly along your skin, unjustly warming your cheeks. inhaling deeply, you do your best to will the blush away to no avail. where the hell are rukia and rangiku? surely it can’t take that long to grab snacks. you’re tempted to go find them, but you have a sinking feeling that it would turn you into a coward.

and you refuse to give that man any more ammo against you.

IT’S X (NOT) X YOU

what initially starts as a small get-together, quickly turns into a party; leave it to rangiku to liven things up, her laughter infectious and whimsical, flitting about like a persistent hummingbird as she encourages everyone to play drinking games with her. experience taught him better than to engage because despite his high tolerance, there’s really no beating rangiku when she’s on a roll.

but when you emphatically agree to play with the rest, fury rises in his chest; your audacity, it seems, knows no bounds — and, yes, he understands the hypocrisy in his critique. he just doesn’t care.

the games are every bit as simple and ridiculous as you thought they’d be, but as everyone seems to be in relatively good spirits, you play along. not normally competitive with things like this, you get into the swing of things when you win round after round.

cheers resound nearby at your success, but throughout the evening, you feel renji’s stare and do everything in your power to not give in and look back at him. a tough feat to say the least, as you are always acutely aware of his presence; and when you do happen to sneak another glance, his legs are spread and you curse under your breath for finding that attractive.

foolish, you chide, so fucking foolish.

renji sucks his teeth as he feels a heaviness in his head; groaning loudly he swirls around what little sake he has left in his glass before finishing it.

“you lose again,” rukia’s voice is soft and teasing, but he’s annoyed and can’t be bothered with talking to her right now. she pats his shoulder gingerly before standing up to head to the kitchen. his mind is a mess and he blames you for it completely.

“i don’t fucking care,” he says gruffly to her retreating figure, not bothering to elevate his voice as he’s sure she heard him. and he really doesn’t care; he’s trying to tell himself to calm down, but he can’t.

the fault completely lies with you — of course it does, everything you do agitates every cell in his body. the reason is simple, and he hates that he doesn’t want to admit it — he’s so undeniably attracted to you that it pisses him off. he takes in your appearance for the twelfth time that night, admiring the softness of your cheeks, the fullness of your lips, the way you seem entirely too animated as you laugh at someone’s lame joke — and yes, he can tell it’s not funny from how your laughter dies down after a few seconds.

if he had better sense, he’d stop looking at you, but he can’t now; he might blame the sake for this later.

the intensity behind his gaze is enough to bring an inextinguishable heat along your skin. it’s only unpleasant because it travels down to your lower abdomen and brings about an agonizing ache between your thighs. at first, you do the sensible thing and ignore it; but the longer he stares, the more you want to look over, until finally you can’t take it anymore.

“i’ll be back,” you mumble to the other guests, although you doubt they hear you with how rowdy everyone is being; the noise isn’t unwelcomed, the distraction serves to mask your footsteps when you scurry from the living room to the back corridor, turning corner after corner until you find the bathroom.

a coward — that’s what you are.

you barricade yourself in there without thinking, heart pounding loud enough to disorient you. after several long minutes, you splash water on your face and take a few deep breaths.

“i can’t believe i ran away,” your voice is so soft you barely hear the words — almost as if you’re still in disbelief over the entire situation. there’s something off about renji tonight; the tension between you was more palatable and tangible than normal.

even though you feigned nonchalance as best as you could, there were so many moments where you couldn’t help but watch him too. pitiful. absolutely pitiful. there’s no excuse for it, and yet you struggle to find one anyway.

as you look at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, you try to convince yourself to head back out there. sooner or later, people will realize that you’ve gone missing — and rangiku is nosy enough and like a bloodhound when she’s drunk. your time is incredibly limited now.

there’s no reason for you to continue to avoid the inevitable, so you sigh and give yourself a small pep talk before heading back outside.

TRUTH X OR X …

renji’s mood doesn’t improve at all; in fact, it worsens the moment ichigo sits right next to him. he’s not even sure why this sets him off, but even closing his eyes and counting backwards does nothing to keep him calm.

with slight difficulty, renji grits out, “what do you want?”

undeterred, ichigo stares at renji pointedly, voice steady as he says, “you could go after her, you know.”

again, renji sucks his teeth loudly, arms folded against his chest, right leg bouncing slightly as he taps his foot on the floor. punching ichigo would be pointless, and then rukia would get involved and he doesn’t have time to deal with the fallout from that so he keeps his hands to himself.

besides, his anger is obviously misdirected right now. he knows — he knows —but he doesn’t care, so he doesn’t mince his words when he responds with, “go after who?” through his peripheral, he can see ichigo’s patience has also reached its limit.

“you’re not that stupid, so stop acting like it.”

normally, renji would take the opportunity to mes s around and argue back and forth, but he might actually fight his friend if he doesn’t walk away. so, he does; abrupt and without looking back, footsteps heavy on the hardwood floor.

maybe he just needs to change his approach with you, maybe talking things out would work in his favor; or maybe he needs to fuck you hard enough to purge you from his mind.

he lies to himself when he considers the first option, because it’s the second option that drives him to walk a little faster, head full of impossible thoughts as he wonders just how far you’d let him go.

when renji finally finds you, you’re in the middle of rebuffing the advances of an unfamiliar guest — they’re drunk, handsy, and keep oscillating between giving you cheesy pick-up lines and berating you for rejecting them. but you stand firm, and your voice is relatively loud when you tell them, “for the last fucking time, go away.”

under normal circumstances, renji would let you handle this yourself; he has no desire to play prince charming or be a knight in shining armor. you’re more than capable, and he’s seen the way you fight and argue to defend yourself — but, it’s when they place a wandering hand on your hip that he loses sight of all of that.

a brief moment passes, where your blood boils as you contemplate how best to kick their ass, but you never get the chance. a rather large shadow hovers over you both, but you already know who it is without having to look properly.

renji is a force to be reckoned with on a good day, but he’s at his fucking limit right now.

he doesn’t ask, doesn’t give any options for retreat, doesn’t say a word when he yanks them off with a brute strength that surprises even you.

now, can he really be blamed for throwing them into the neighboring wall hard enough to make a noticeable hole? and is it really his fault that the drunk can hardly walk as they clutch their broken arm while murmuring something unintelligible, something that renji takes as a sign of them wanting a repeat demonstration?

consequences be damned, he gives the drunk a lethal look before they scramble away in fear.

“loser,” he says loud enough for them to hear, but they don’t double back or even try to go toe-to-toe with the hot-headed lieutenant. you watch, half-amused and half-impressed with the unnecessary machismo, but still, you know better than to chastise him right now, especially when your heart sputters out of control from his proximity.

“…thanks,” you say, a faint flush on your cheeks, voice soft, head fuzzy when you realize that renji — aka mr. “i’ll fight you on everything any day of the week unprovoked for no reason other than to drive you crazy” — saved you. unprompted at that.

you make the mistake of looking up at him, your nerves prompting you to take a small step back when you realize that the usual hostility that renji reserves for you specifically is nowhere to be found. in its place is something more unreadable — or, rather, you don’t want to read into it for fear of being wrong.

renji steps closer, which makes you back up again until your back hits the wall and you’re no longer able to escape.

“we need to talk,” he says suddenly, but you shake your head, non-verbally objecting to the idea, curls bouncing wildly with your exaggerated movements. since he knows he’s pressed for time, he grabs your face with his large hand and stops you from moving. “that wasn’t a request.”

swallowing rusty nails would be better than dealing with your conflicting feelings over renji right now, because he’s much too close to you and now you’re forgetting why it is you hate him in the first place. ironically, he’s in the exact same position. so far, he’s acted on impulse over you more times than he can count tonight, but he supposes that’s to be expected — you are a wildcard, after all.

“what if i don’t want to.” your response is clumsy, the words tumbling one after the other. “what if i want you to leave?” you don’t actually mean that, but you throw it at him anyway, to see if maybe this was all a fluke, and maybe, just maybe he’ll remember himself and you both can go back to fighting like usual.

he considers your question, goes so far as to release your face to wrap his hand around your throat instead. your sharp inhale and parted lips tell him all he needs to know.

with a slightly raised brow, he asks, “well, do you?”

because if you do, he’ll walk away right now. but he knows what your answer will be, he just has to drag it out of you. he squeezes your neck to remind you to hurry it up, and before you can answer him properly, he places his leg in between yours, pressing close enough that you roll your hips forward while whimpering softly.

he really didn’t think any of this through, but luckily the adrenaline from it all won’t wear off anytime soon, so he’ll improvise along the way. he spent most of the night dealing with a semi-hard cock that wouldn’t listen to reason no matter how many times he tried to stop thinking about you. but now? all of that restraint goes out of the window, and before he can question it, he kisses you.

you’ve kissed plenty of people in your life — some good, most were mediocre and uninspiring — but renji actually takes your breath away. everything about him commands all your attention; from the way his lips move against yours greedily, leaving behind burning kisses that make your nipples harden underneath your clothes — to the way he thrusts his tongue in between your plush lips, licking inside of your mouth hotly, igniting an inextinguishable flame deep inside of you.

he grabs your hip with his free hand, squeezing hard, fingers digging firmly. all the irritation from earlier dissipates completely, leaving you feeling lightheaded and needy; you grind against him recklessly, arousal dampening the front of your panties, clit sensitive as it rubs against the delicate fabric. his cock presses against you — thick, long, and hard — and you wonder if this is why he’s so angry with you all the time.

was it always that simple?

if you asked the question aloud, he wouldn’t know what to tell you — it’s a combination of things, but mostly he’s an idiot; he knows that now, but likewise you’re an idiot too. you just don’t realize it yet.

it’s renji who pulls away first, lightly panting, breath warm against your lips as he releases his hold on your neck. he doesn’t know where he finds the strength to string together a coherent statement, but his voice is low and husky when he speaks. “answer my question.”

you blink at him, completely in a daze, lips slightly swollen from all the kissing. “wh-what?” you don’t remember what he asked you, and you don’t care.

“do you want me to leave?”

for some reason, you completely forgot that you told him that. you rub your lips together and run your hands along his chest. “no.” the answer comes out automatically, without hesitation, and that’s all the encouragement he needs.

“good.”

SAY X IT X LOUDER

he picks you up with ease, almost as if you weigh nothing; a small squeal spills out of you as you wrap your legs around his waist, and renji gives you a sly smile — one laced with mischief and an unspoken promise of what’s to come.

you’re back in the bathroom again, this time sitting on the counter with renji standing in between your legs. his hands coast along your curvy hips and down your thighs. he’s touching you but he’s not touching you and it’s driving you crazy.

with hurried, eager hands you both undress, and for the umpteenth time you internally curse this style of uniform; still, it doesn’t take too long before his hands are on you again, calloused palms rough and warm against your skin. he places a kiss on your jaw, then another on your neck right underneath your earlobe; each kiss he leaves behind distorts your common sense, makes you feel irrational and impatient. your hands are soft and well-practiced, stroking his stiff cock as his hips jerk forward from your touch.

he can’t remember the last time someone had him this worked up, which pisses him off a little; because that means him fucking you once won’t settle things. at that thought, renji bites your neck and your startled yelp quickly morphs into a moan when he runs his tongue along the mark. he dips his hand in between your thighs, rubbing his thick fingers against your slit. a loud banging on the door has you looking over, and you can’t remember if he bothered to lock it once you both were inside.

your attention nearly falters, but when he pinches your clit you buck your hips, a shiver shooting down your spine at the slight pain.

“eyes on me,” is all he says, seemingly annoyed that you would dare to focus your attention elsewhere, “always keep them on me.” what he means by that, he doesn’t know, but you take the command at face value and nod while swallowing. he slides a finger inside of your wet pussy, and while you initially wanted to keep quiet to avoid suspicion and to prevent anyone from intruding, but you can’t now.

“renji,” you breathe, fingers trembling as you hold onto the counter for support, he thrusts his finger in and out, quick and hard, before inserting another. you clench around him, hips rocking forward as he fingerfucks you and grinds his palm against your clit. you close your eyes and moan louder than you mean to, chest heaving, thoughts jumbled and incoherent. he scissors his fingers inside of you, but quickly removes them without prompting.

“fuck!” you open your eyes again and stare at him in disbelief. “why did you stop?”

he laughs darkly and grabs your face roughly, fingers pressing into your soft skin without remorse. “what did i tell you earlier?” everything about this situation is laughable. he gave you very specific instructions, ones he thought were easy enough for you to follow. for some reason your movements are sluggish, mind in a haze as you scramble to remember but nothing comes to mind.

as you open and close your mouth, looking every bit as adorable as you are alluring, he decides to show you a bit of kindness.

“get down.” his command comes swift, his patience practically nonexistent; precum glides down the head of his thick cock, but he ignores it for the sake of teaching you a lesson. you don’t bother waiting for him to repeat himself and slide off the counter. “turn around.”

like a doll, your movements are dictated by renji with simple, short statements. nothing about that phases you, though; it’s all very exciting, so when you do turn to face the counter, you bend forward and lean over the counter. renji admires the roundness of your ass and slaps it hard.

again, you find yourself moaning loudly, without shame and not caring about the volume of your voice. surely the others won’t pay attention, as they’re still very drunk and are entertaining themselves with more games. another slap on your ass has you grabbing onto the counter again, legs shaking, arousal dripping between your thighs in anticipation. if renji doesn’t fuck you soon, you might actually die.

he knows he’s taking too damn long, but it’s much more interesting making you work for him. he rubs the tip of his cock against your puffy pussy, gliding it in between your slick folds, your moans sweetly wrapping around him once he pushes inside of you slowly. someone bangs on the door again, making you look over, anxiety quickly filling your head with unnecessary what ifs that almost command your full attention.

with narrowed eyes, renji grabs onto your hair, curls soft in his hand, and yanks hard.

“the fuck did i say earlier?”

goosebumps travel down your arms as a different kind of awareness and clarity surges through you quickly. you blink at your reflection, watching the way he towers over you, his muscles hard and defined — sculpted from years of training and dedication to honing his skills. it hits you then, what he’s really asking you.

“to,” you swallow thickly, throat dry, “to keep my eyes on you always.” you say it all in one breath, gasping when he runs his tongue along the curve of your ear. you don’t know how much more you can take, but you know if you complain, if you say anything he might stop altogether.

renji’s smile is wicked and dark, his lips graze your earlobe, voice deep and gravelly, a huskiness that wasn’t there before as he thrusts into you, burying his cock deeply.

“good girl.”

he refrains from kissing you properly, instead pushing you down so you can lean over the counter again. your mind melts from it all, and you’re panting, heart beating faster and faster as he firmly places a hand on your back.

“you’re squeezing me so tight,” he remarks thoughtfully, although you note the slight strain in his voice; as much as he tries to act like he’s not that affected by you, you know that isn’t the case at all. your pussy is every bit as enticing and heavenly as he knew it would be; he pulls back and slams his cock into you all over again, filling you completely. you try to keep watching him in the mirror, but he’s fucking you like he’s angry with himself for being so attracted to you.

and he absolutely is. it’s a truth he fought against for so long that he’s given up on denying it now. your moans drip onto his skin like caramel, sticky and sweet, and when you say his name like that — your voice going higher and higher from the ferocity of his thrusts — he nearly loses his mind.

“fuck,” he says out loud, grabbing your hip roughly, your wetness coating the length of his cock, “you’re taking me so well.” he knows you can’t really answer him, and he likes that; you’re beyond caring at this point, instead focusing on the way his cock reaches a spot that has you bouncing your ass and fucking yourself against him. normally, renji would play around and edge you in retaliation, but he’s too far gone, completely under the spell of your pretty pussy, with how soft and tight it is.

you’re not sure how you got here, but you’re drowning in ecstasy right now. he instructs you to lift your leg to rest it onto the counter, pulling out momentarily to help you position and spread your legs further apart. he plunges his cock into you again, keeping his hips closer as he gives you shorter, frenzied thrusts. your head spins and you can’t think straight, but that doesn’t matter. all you care about is the way renji is angling his hips, rolling them forward to pound into your cunt roughly, balls heavy as they smack against your ass.

“oh, oh, oh.” you swear your life flashes before your eyes, because something possesses him, his strokes shorter, brutal, and frenetic. drool slides down your chin, your voice hoarse from how loud you’ve been. you’re sure someone’s heard you by now, but you don’t care.

how can you?

with renji fucking you like this — merciless and possessive, fingers brusing your skin, almost as if he wants to make sure you’ll be as obsessed with him as he is with you — your common decency, your morals, everything that makes you you, they don’t exist.

all that’s left is this burning desire to let him have his way with you for as long as he wants. thankfully, you have enough sense to not admit that out loud; who knows what kind smugness you’ll be subjected to if renji knew.

but you’re pretty damn transparent about it, he can tell from the way you can’t stop clenching your pussy around his cock, from how your pussy makes loud, lewd squelching noises — ones that he’ll commit to memory so he can revisit them from time to time.

tears roll down your cheeks and you sob as you hold onto the counter as best as you can, back arching, hips rocking against him with a neediness you never knew you had. there’s a tightening in your stomach and your pulse skyrocketing as a flash of white practically blinds you. he watches the way your pussy keeps swallowing the length of his cock, and you finally fall over the edge, orgasm suffocating you with its intensity.

your cunt flutters around him, gummy walls soft and hypnotic, an addiction he never thought he’d have; breathing heavily, his muscles tense and renji groans something that suspiciously sounds like your name. the thought alone makes your face burn and warms your chest in a way that doesn’t make sense. and when he finally cums, he humps into you, cum thick and hot as it spills inside your pussy, mixing with your slick wetness. a completely messy affair, but he doesn’t care — it’s not his bathroom, after all.

legs trembling, you’re limp and incapable of movement, whimpering and whining until he finally pulls out of you.

renji runs a hand down his face, feeling spent but more than satisfied. suddenly his shoulders aren’t so tight and tense, and his mood is much more tolerable. you do your best to stand but almost fall — your legs are useless, turned to jelly because of the man behind you. he chuckles at that, then clears his throat once he realizes. he fully expected there to be a moment of awkwardness after, but it never comes. when he sees your face — lips bruised and swollen, face flushed, eyes glazed with a faraway look — he feels compelled to kiss you again. so, he does. it’s not sweet, nor is it tender, but it still makes your heart swell all the same. he holds you close as you wrap your arms around his neck, doing your best to keep standing, even though your legs are ready to give out.

you don’t know exactly what any of this means, but you do understand him a bit better now. he’s terrible with expressing himself, but you kind of like that about him; and maybe this isn’t the healthiest relationship, but life was uncertain and you’d take renji fucking you like it’s his last day alive over him openly hating you any day.