#idk something about the topic just draws me in and keeps me close

[emmylksblog]

hector x reader heavy heavy angst? Idk😭😭

HEAVY SECRETS // H.FORT

summary: you and hector have a rough week and past relations and secrets keep pilling up until you both explode

content: angst and more angst

warnings: mentions of sensitive topics, curse words

words: 2552

a/n: i almost wrote a whole story, somebody stop me

You sat in the front row of the small crowd, watching as Hector ran up and down the field kicking the ball back and forth. You had a fight this morning over your constant worrying, but in truth, you couldn't help it. Hector getting hurt out on the field was a very real concern and your constant worrying caused some tension in the relationship. You couldn't stand to think about what would happen if Hector was seriously hurt out there on the field.

You watched the game intently, clutching the armrests tight in worry. Hector had already been slammed into by the opposing team once, and you couldn't help but shiver as the memory of Hector wincing in pain flashed through your mind. The whole day so far had been a mess, and you were scared of what would come next.

The game began drawing to a close, and you glanced up at the scoreboard to see that Hector's team was in the lead. In 10 more minutes you would be going home, free until his next game. That morning's fight replayed in your mind, and you couldn't help but wince. Just a few more minutes and you could talk to him.

The final whistle blew and you breathed a sigh of relief, standing up to get ready to leave. Looking back down at the field you saw Hector looking directly at you, his sharp eyes narrowed and not looking happy one bit. Your heart sank a little bit as you slowly walked out through the crowds and towards the door for the player's hallway.

It only took a minute to find him, and as you approached you noticed just how tense he was. The muscles in his back and his shoulders seemed to bulge, ready to snap at a moments notice. As you approached, Hector turned to look at you, his face dark and expressionless. He didn't say anything, just gestured for you to walk forward towards the parking lot.

The walk was silent, Hector's tense rage filling the air around him. The drive home was just as tense; no radio no talk, just deafening silence. Hector's hands were tight around the wheel, and you were silently praying the drive would go quickly.

The drive home felt like an eternity, with only the sounds of the car and Hector's harsh breathing. You couldn't understand why he was so mad - his team had won, so what was the problem? Maybe if you tried to breach the silence it might make the drive easier.

"Hector...?"

There was a moment of silence after you spoke, and you wondered if Hector had even heard you. When he spoke, his voice was tight and controlled, trying not to snap.

"What."

"Why are you so mad?"

Hector didn't respond initially, just staring out the windscreen as if he hadn't heard you. Then he spoke, and his voice was very clearly holding back his anger.

"Tú que crees? (Why do you think?)"

You were completely baffled. Sure, you had had an argument this morning, and you weren't in his good books, but he had just won a game and you were about to go home and relax together. There was no need to be mad.

"I don't know. You won the game, so why are you so mad at me?"

Hector didn't speak for a moment, as if trying to find the right words. When he did speak, his voice was still very controlled and restrained.

"Because you constantly worry about me and try to take control of everything I do to "keep me safe". It drives me mad every damn game, and especially this one."

You were stunned. You hadn't realised that your worrying had pissed him off so much. Sure, he had mentioned it once or twice in the past, but you never thought it was this serious. You opened your mouth to say something, but Hector carried on talking before you could say a word.

"You're always worrying about me getting hurt. Even when I tell you I'm fine you don't listen. It's like you don't trust me to take care of myself!"

He sounded frustrated and angry, but underneath the heat in his voice you could hear a slight tinge of hurt.

Hector was gripping the wheel tight, his knuckles almost white. His jaw was clenched tight so as to keep himself under control. It had been a hell of a game today, both on and off the field...

"You always do this! You always drive me mad with your stupid worrying, and you never listen to me when I actually need you to..."

The car rolled up to a stop in the driveway, and the only sound was that of the car engine. You had wanted to say more, to reassure him that it wasn't like that and that you listened to him, but you never got the chance. Hector switched off the engine and stepped out of the car, and you felt your anxiety start to rise.

You followed Hector up the stairs of your shared apartment, and it was like walking towards your own execution. Hector was ahead of you, and even without seeing his face, you could sense the anger rolling off him. You were both quiet as he fished the apartment keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

Neither of you said anything for the rest of the night, and you both went about your usual nightly routine without speaking. Dinner was a silent and tense affair, with neither of you speaking a word. Throughout the night you could feel Hector's eyes watching you, filled with silent anger.

During dinner, as you sat across the table from Hector, you could feel his eyes constantly on you. His stare was like a million needles burning into your skin, and it was almost painful to look at him. You knew immediately that he knew something that he was mad about, but what?

It didn't take long for you to remember the secret you had been hiding from him for months.

You knew that you should have told him ages ago, but you were scared of his reaction and his anger. The fact that you had kept it from him for so long was bound to make him more mad, and as you looked at him, you swore you could see a fire of anger in his eyes. The whole day was silent, and when you'd finished eating, Hector spoke for the first time in hours.

"Follow me."

You did as he said, and followed as he walked into your living room. He gestured for you to sit down, and you perched on the edge of the couch as he sat in an armchair across from you. There was silence for a moment, and as Hector looked at you, you could feel the anger rolling off him in waves.

You knew what was coming and you braced yourself, waiting for the inevitable. Hector's face was a mask of control and anger, and when he finally spoke, his voice was very clearly trying to hold back his anger.

"You've been hiding something from me, haven't you?"

Your heart sank as he spoke, and you found yourself frozen in place. There was nothing you could say to defend yourself, and you could tell by the look on his face that he already knew what you'd hidden from him. All you could do was nod at his question, and wait for the blow.

Hector had figured it out, and you could tell by the way that he was looking at you. The anger and betrayal was clear in his eyes, and you had never felt so awful.

"I can't believe you. How long have you been meeting up with him behind my back?"

Your whole body felt numb as he spoke, shame and guilt washing over you in waves. You swallowed once, but found that your throat was dry.

"About...three months..."

Hector's face darkened as you spoke, and you could see his jaw tense and his hands ball into fists on the arms of the chair.

"Three months." His voice was controlled, but you could tell he was struggling. "You've been meeting up with your ex for three. Goddamn. Months."

You nodded once, fighting back the tears in your eyes. You wanted to speak, to tell him that you were sorry and that it wasn't how it looked, but you knew that it wouldn't do any good. Hector was furious, and you had made the grave mistake of lying to him.

Hector's voice was laced with a dark sarcasm, and his eyes were like knives as he spoke.

"No me lo puedo creer. (I can't believe you) Just today you were going on and on about how worried you were about me, yet you've been meeting up with your ex behind my back for three damn months!"

You winced as he spoke, and your heart felt like it was shattering. You had been trying to protect him from your stupid mistake, but it had all backfired.

"But...I really was worried about you!" You tried to defend yourself, but your voice sounded weak even to your own ears.

You wanted to say more, to make him understand why you had done it, but Hector cut you off before you could get a word in.

"Save it." His voice was tight, and you could see the muscles in his jaw rippling. He sat back on his chair, staring at you with his hands clenched tight. Despite his words, you continued trying to explain.

"But...it was a mistake. It's something I regret, and I was only meeting up with him because he needed the money-"

Your explanation was cut off again when Hector spoke up, his eyes narrowing at your words.

"What, so you didn't trust me enough to tell me that you were meeting up with your ex? You didn't think I'd be able to help and you just hid it from me?"

You felt your heart drop, and you knew instantly that he had a point. Why hadn't you trusted Hector? Why hadn't you just told him and been honest?

"That's not it!" You protested, even though you knew he was right. "I just...I just...I didn't want you to worry about me, and I thought I could deal with it!" You were grasping at excuses, trying desperately to make this right.

You stood up from the couch and walked over to Hector, reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder.

"Please Hector, just listen. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to worry you-"

Before you could touch him, Hector stood up from his chair and stepped to the side, avoiding your hand. He looked down at you, the anger still clear in his eyes.

"Bullshit. You didn't trust me, and that's why you hid it from me. You were scared that I wouldn't understand, that you couldn't rely on me."

You felt a surge of frustration and anger at his words, and you stepped back from him. "You're one to talk! You're always gone, with your football and your games! You're never around enough to listen to me, so how am I supposed to rely on you for anything?!"

Hector's eyes darkened as you spoke, and his jaw twitched with anger.

"That's different! Football is my job, and you know that. And I can listen to you when I have the time, but I can't be there for you if you don't tell me what's going on in the first place!"

You huffed, the frustration and anger building inside you. "And how am I supposed to tell you anything, when you're never around?! You think I don't want to talk to you, to tell you about the things that are going on? You hardly have time for me anymore!"

Hector clenched his jaw tighter and stepped closer to you, his eyes flashing. "Don't you tell me that. You know how busy I got now with the first team. With all the training and the workouts and the games. It's not my fault I can't be here all the damn time."

The frustration and anger within you boiled over into sadness and defeat. You couldn't keep going on like this, pretending to rely on each other when in truth you were both too busy with your own things.

"Then why are we even together?" Your voice was quieter, and you couldn't bring yourself to look at him.

Hector's face was a mixture of shock and hurt at your words, and his hands tensed at his sides. "What...? What do you mean, why are we even together? We...we're a couple. That's why."

His voice was tight and strained, and you could tell that your words had cut him deep.

You were so tired, physically and emotionally. This entire night had strained you past your limits, and all you wanted to do was sleep. You looked up at Hector, meeting his hurt and angry gaze for a moment before looking away.

"I'm sleeping in the guest room tonight. I'm too tired to deal with this."

Hector was silent for a moment before he gritted out a response. "Fine. Go sleep in the guest room then. Me da igual. (I don't care)"

His voice was harsh, but you could hear the hurt and anger in his words. He was hurting, and badly.

As soon as the door closed behind you, the tears you had been holding back all night finally began to fall. You stumbled over to the bed and flopped down, the sobs wracking through your body as you buried your face in a pillow.

The pain and regret of the night were suddenly overwhelming, and you felt a deep sense of sadness and loss. How had things gotten so bad between you and Hector? Why hadn't you just told him the truth in the first place?

You let out a strangled sob as the realization set in. It was all too late now. You had waited too long to tell Hector the truth, and now it had spiraled out of control. You had lost the baby he never knew of without telling him, your ex knew and was holding it over your head.

The thought of Hector finding out the truth from someone other than you sent another wave of sobs through your body, and you clutched at the pillow as if it was a lifeline. This was a disaster, and it was all your fault.

Hector slumped down into his own armchair and buried his face in his hands. The whole night had gone so wrong, and he still couldn’t wrap his head around it.

The look on your face when you questioned your relationship wouldn’t stop flashing through his mind. It had cut him deep, and the hurt and anger that had flared up in him when he heard those words wouldn’t go away. He loved you, and now you were telling him that you didn’t want to be with him anymore?

Hector let out a deep sigh, gripping his hair tight as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. Why hadn’t you just told him that your ex was blackmailing you, that he needed money? How could you have thought that he wouldn’t be there for you? He would have done anything to help you, but you had kept it from him and now it was all falling apart.

PART 2!

[classickook]

könig headcanons

a/n: i have absolutely zero knowledge of this game but he’s my special little guy, i couldn’t help myself.

next >>

- he’s definitely the type who pays super close attention when you’re talking and will encourage you to keep going even if everyone else tunes you out or if they talk over you

- he is SO attentive of everything in general but especially everything you do. since he’s pretty quiet and shy, he stays in the background and just observes everyone and finds himself focusing more on you, picking up little details that no one else would really notice

- like he knows what your nervous tics are and what books you tend to read in your spare time and where you grew up

- could recognize your voice anywhere! his eyes literally light up when he hears you coming around the corner :)

- loves it when you lift his hood enough to playfully nip at his chin or when you sneak under it completely while giggling and kissing him all over his face

- also loves nose kisses <3

- blushes easily

- anytime you look up at him, he has stars in his eyes and feels his heart stop a bit and he for sure is blushing under that hood because he’s completely head over heels for you and can’t believe you feel the same

- gives the best hugs!!!!!!!!

- his love language is definitely physical touch okay don’t fight me on this (also gift giving but we’ll get to that later)

- like just imagine that giant mountain of a man with the sweetest heart holding your hand (or linking fingers omg!!!) or lightly touching your shoulder or waist when he walks by <333

- he obviously has social anxiety but once he’s comfortable with you, he will 10000% turn to you for reassurance or comfort by just touch alone

- also… since he’s so freaking huge, imagine clinging to him like a koala and he just casually walks about with you wrapped around him

- this guys strikes me as ticklish idk why but let’s go with it

- imagine cuddling with him (how the two of you manage to fit into one cot i have no idea) and your hair brushes against the sensitive skin along his neck or you rest your hand on his abdomen and chest and he just gets kinda giggly all of a sudden

- has nightmares a lot :(

- he feels pretty awkward about it and apologizes for waking you up and starts to roll over in bed but you immediately comfort him and wrap your arms around him and distract him with random facts or hobbies you want to try, anything that’ll get his mind off of the bad dream

- you usually make him hot chocolate after a nightmare so the two of you curl up in bed, sipping on the sweet drink while asking him questions about his hometown until he’s smiling again

- on that note… he definitely has a sweet tooth

- you’ll bake him all sorts of sweets and try out new recipes and he’s like a little puppy that follows you around the kitchen or sits at the table and offers to help you or lick the spoon or something, he’s so cute <3

- he’s a people pleaser for sure so he would literally do anything for you

- this guy radiates sunshine/golden retriever bf vibes but would absolutely lose his shit if something bad happened to you or if he found you hurt/crying

- can go from 0 to 100 real quick

- back to the topic of gift giving!!! he always picks fresh flowers for you when he’s out and about, like he’ll make it his mission to scout out fields or little markets to get something nice for you

- also, he sketches a lot ! so he’ll oftentimes gift you with his drawings, like just leaving them on your cot or tucking them in the mirror or somewhere you’ll find them during the day to cheer you up

- overall, könig is a total sweetheart and i want to hug him immediately !!

[ash-is-dying]

Temporary Tattoo

A/N: Felt compelled to write a quick blurb after drawing one of these on my own hand. Idk guys the delulu is really getting to me today. Anyway enjoy!

Shy!Eddie x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 782

Fluffy / Mildy Spicy Blurb

---

“Just stay still Eddie!”

“But you’re taking forever!”

The pen runs over his knuckles as you outline the bones on his hand. You had spent the entirety of calculus at the back drawing on Eddie’s hand. He had breached the topic of getting a skeleton hand tattoo so you had made the generous offer to be his temporary tattoo artist.

His various rings had been scattered across the desk and the sleeve of his hellfire shirt had been rolled the full way up his arm exposing his actual tattoos alongside the detailed sketch on his left hand. You sat knee to knee with the boy as the arm you’re drawing with pins his arm to the table and the other holds his hand flat.

For someone who was covered in hidden tattoos you’re genuinely surprised by how much he moved while you were working and how whiney he was being about you taking too long.

“How long?”

“Eddie I haven’t even done your wrist yet. Chill your balls. We’ve still got half an hour anyway.”

He throws his head back and sighs deeply. His other hand starts to fidget, miming the chords for some metal song or another. His eyes close and he looks like a toddler who’s been denied chocolate from the shops. His head lolls to the side to look at you.

You’re completely oblivious to the look he gives you as he studies your concentrated face, biting your lip and your brows furrowed as you smoothed over the outlines you had drawn. Unbeknownst to you the real reason he was so all over the place wasn’t because the tattoo was taking too long.

It was because you were the one drawing it.

When you had started your gentle touches had left him flinching, moving towards your warm hands. Hence the need for physical restraint. Eddie’s cheeks flushed the moment you had wrestled his arm under yours, your closeness making his heart jump start. He could spend hours here just having you draw all over him. He’d let you fill every gap between his tats if it meant he could keep you like this.

The only reason he was now encouraging you to hurry was because he didn’t need the artist girl he’d been crushing on for months noticing the semi he was sporting. He had tried to slide further under the desk to make it less obvious but the hold you had on his arm was making things increasingly harder.

In both ways.

“I don’t think we need to do the wrist, just my hand is fine-” he said sharply.

“But didn’t you want a half-sleeve anyway? Thought you wanted me to try the whole tattoo.”

“As cool as that would be I kinda need my arm back sweetheart-” He says with an edge of panic in his voice.

“Okay okay, I’ll be done in ten.”

The next ten minutes were probably the longest ten minutes of his life.

For the fine detailing you had made the decision that you needed to get even closer. You had rotated his arm and had folded your leg over his, just adjacent to where he desperately needed you not to be. He watched anxiously as you shifted to finish off the tattoo. He genuinely tried to sink into his chair and disappear. If you had even a hint of what was happening under the desk he would be absolutely mortified.

“Why do you get so many tattoos Eds?”

Her sudden question pulls him out of his head. “Oh- um. I guess because they look cool? And they help me express a part of myself that I want to show people rather than tell them about.”

“Fair enough.” There’s a long pause. “Can I ask you something?”

Eddie’s brows raise in concern. “Yes?”

“Do you get this turned on for all your tattoo artists or just me?”

The silence is deafening as his eyes widen in shock and realization. He stutters as you move off of his lap unable to find the words. The bell goes and you begin to pack up your things not sparing him a glance until you put your hand on his shoulder and lean to whisper in his ear.

“If you ever need another tattoo done… call me okay.”

You give his cheek a quick peck as you turn away and walk out of the room with a flush on your face, leaving behind an extremely flustered and red faced Eddie. He looks down at his arm. It’s amazing of course. But what really catches his eye is the messily written phone number on the underside of his arm.

Maybe he will get another temporary tattoo.

[tsumuus]

hi!! can i please have a romantic mha matchup for your 555 follower event ? im pansexual, so i have no preference for gender.

im very optimistic, bubbly, and caring towards other ppl. my friends describe me as very sweet and kind but also very sensitive and empathetic (the crying when you see other ppl cry, feeling when something is off, and feeling rlly happy for ppl kind of empathetic !). im understanding and attentive and im the friend that ppl come to for advice or to vent to. im also pretty oblivious when it comes to ppl liking me so unless the admirer or one of my friends outright tells me, ill have no idea😭 i can be a yapper whenever someone mentions a topic im interested in, but i also go nonverbal at times. i smile and laugh at just about everything (my humor is broken☠️) and i sometimes say out of pocket things that take ppl off guard. i can be pretty naive at times, and this gets me in trouble whenever people have ill intent. overall, id say that im pretty easy to get along with as long as you don’t hurt my feelings. i have a lot of friends, but a small circle of close friends. when it comes to that tight circle of close friends, im willing to give them the world as long as they don’t leave or hurt me. my friends also say im rlly non confrontational, so whenever anyone wrongs me, its usually my friends that stand up for me/get angry for me. im also not the type of person to hold grudges, im very much a go with the flow type of person so if someone hurts me, ill forgive them. and idk if this helps but some characters that my friends have compared me to (in terms of personality) are hachi, my melody, and bubbles!!

my giving love languages are gift giving and words of affirmation and my receiving love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time.

my hobbies outside of school include crocheting (i crochet things for my partner), journaling, binging tv shows (usually fruits basket or adventure time), playing an instrument, listening to music (my fav artists are lana del rey, beabadoobee, and laufey), and reading.

when it comes to dating me, i want someone who is going to give me princess treatment and someone who won’t prioritize other ppl over me. i also want someone who makes it clear that they enjoy spending time with me. i get rlly insecure that im boring to be around (due to past experiences) so it means the world to me when my partner makes an effort to spend time with me. i also have rlly bad trust issues and at times, i feel like im hard to love so someone patient and understanding is ideal. and another thing to know about me is that im a hopeless romantic. i very easily develop crushes, however, i wont make the first move unless i absolutely have to (and unless i know that my feelings are reciprocated.)

thank you so much and i hope you have a wonderful day🩷🩷

your perfect match is…

₊✩‧₊˚ eijiro kirishima ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ runner ups: ochako uraraka and tenya iida ˚₊✩‧₊

✧₊⁺ ok so...

✧₊⁺ kirishima is known for his positive personailty

✧₊⁺ your bubbly, caring personailty would absolutely mesh with his uplifting, encouraging one

✧₊⁺ he would absolutely admire your empathetic nature and how deeply you feel for others

✧₊⁺ he would always be there to comfort you

✧₊⁺ giving you the space to feel however you feel without judgement

✧₊⁺ would cheer you up if you ever cried over someone else

✧₊⁺ maybe even join in crying with you

✧₊⁺ always alway always having your back

✧₊⁺ your ability to listen and be the friend people turn to for advice would draw him to you even more

✧₊⁺ he’d love that you’re so in tune with the needs of others

✧₊⁺ he’d admire how selfless you are when it comes to caring for others and be patient with you in your moments of obliviousness in romance

✧₊⁺ he wouldn’t judge you for having a quirky sense of humor

✧₊⁺ your ability to say outta pocket things and laugh at everything would keep him entertained and happy

✧₊⁺ he’d just laugh along with you, never making you feel awkward or strange

✧₊⁺ one thing about kirishima is that he’s protective without being overbearing

✧₊⁺ he would respect your forgiving side, but if anyone crosses the line, his loyalty would mean he’s right there standing up for you

✧₊⁺ kirishima would thrive in a relationship where words of affirmation and physical touch are important

✧₊⁺ he’s very affectionate and would constantly remind you of how much you mean to him through reassuring words and meaningful gestures

✧₊⁺ the type of guy who believes in chivalry and would love to spoil you in subtle but meaningful ways

✧₊⁺ he’d open doors for you, carry your bags, and make sure you always feel comfortable and loved

✧₊⁺ he’d spend quality time with you, give you the attention you need, and always make it clear how much he enjoys your company

✧₊⁺ he’d definitely understand your insecurities and trust issues. he’s the type to be patient and understanding, working through any challenges that come up

✧₊⁺ he’d never make you feel difficult to love

✧₊⁺ instead, he’d shower you with constant reassurance, showing you how much he values your relationship

a/n don’t think you ordered a yappuccino but here you go <3

₊✩‧₊˚ 555 follower event ! ˚₊✩‧₊

main masterlist

[pinkrelish]

Prev anon here! You’ve done a great job in keeping reader non specific. I think part of the reason it resonates is because you’ve done a great job at keeping her relatable to so many people, which is not an easy feat. And I know this is a tricky topic(but an important one) but I do see the effort you put it and it’s def appreciated.

And you SHOULD rb all the amazing fan art that’s been made!! Every single one has been so so lovely!! And it’s lovely that people are inspired to make such art. It’s certainly not in your control how others want to depict anyone.

On that note, Idk where the line is in “we’re all just individuals making things!” And “wow somehow so much of the fanart within the fandom is white-centric” there is no easy answer, and it’s not one persons issue to shoulder or even address, but there’s certainly an awareness that can be had around it.

thank you for coming back! i realized after reading over my last response that i talked a lot about myself, and my fic, because i wasn't sure how to react to TYP specifically spawning this larger conversation, and didn't mean to put the sole focus on myself.

i've only contributed to one fandom before this and it was OC heavy, so the idea of people drawing reader inserts—who should be written as vague—is new to me. i've seen three other pieces of fanart for other writer's RI stories, and in two of them the skin tone was left blank and the head was cut off so no hair style could be depicted, and in the third it was chosen to be a white RI.

and even though i haven't been in a fandom as large as this, media in general leans, favors, and worships skinny white women as the ideal, and it's sadly not surprising when i scroll past header after header on fics that exemplify this. do i think writers do this maliciously? no. that's why i reach out in private with the intent to educate. do i also think poc have made RI art, written RI stories, and don't get as much engagement, and have received racist anons saying their art is not inclusive, and made to feel unwelcomed? absolutely. not even a question.

not too long ago when a big blog was pointed out for having an extremely white-coded fic, their response was to double down, call the poc trying to educate them "aggressive", and ultimately ignore them, and acted obtuse about the issue when all they asked for, at minimum, was for the fic to having a warning at the top.

and how many stories on here *don't* have warnings, but have multiple word choices indicating how pale the reader is? ....many. again, i'd wager most white writers aren't even conscious of these decisions until pointed out, but, yeah, poc have spoken up in the eddie munson x reader tag many times about getting part way through a story only to read something white-coded, and get thrown out of the immersion.

i'm not sure how to address the fanart with TYP specifically, and artists choosing to insert themselves, or representing themselves by choosing a skin tone close to their own to give miss mouse, other than to say i hope i'm making this blog a comfortable space for anyone to contribute art if they feel inspired and have the time, and know that i will defend anyone's interpretation because, in essence, she exists as a vehicle to tell a story about eddie finding love. i would love to see more representation for her so everyone can picture themselves in the story.

i'm clearly not an eloquent speaker, but i wanted to answer this with the audience i have, and as you said in the ask, bring awareness to an issue that exists in all fandoms, and is much larger than my story or fanart for my story, and is more about poc not feeling comfortable contributing, or even existing, in fandom spaces.

[callmegaith]

just a curious question. As someone who has been in the fanbase for a long time, do you feel like the fanbase has changed over the years? If yes, then for better or worse? And also do you feel like you've popularized Jackalope among the fanbase in your time making art for it?

Thank you for what I'm sure will be an insightful answer

Oooh interesting ask!

Long read ahead!!

Well, I've been with the fanbase for what's gonna be my 6th year now. I would say at the start I mostly kept to myself so I didn't engage a lot with others. I got into the games after playing Hotel and took my time learning all the lore. After that, I mostly just talked about RL with my close friend and bestie. After a while we both started making fanart which really wasn't anything significant on my end. I was a nobody and still kept mostly to myself. I have made friends in the fanbase tho, some who I'm still friends with today. The fanbase was small but dedicated. (Obviously smaller than now)

Then my friend and I created our own community for Rusty Lake that we managed and were mods on and kept it going and growing for 2 years, which allowed me to meet more people. Everyone mostly liked sharing their art and theories, and that's when I started getting a better view at the fanbase as a whole. They were SERIOUS about their lore and theories. Lots of people didn't accept other people's headcanons and fought back and forth on it, everything had to be lore correct yada yada yada. Also shipping was a HUGE NO NO. People fuckin hated shipping RL characters.

And then Paradox happened and idk why but something in the fanbase shifted after Paradox. It was a volcano erupting and then going back to sleep. It got bad before it became good, but I wasn't there a lot during this period as I decided to take a hiatus when things got to their boiling point.

Through the entirety of 2020 I was gone, and then I came back for a while to draw my silly son and check on the games, since there was nothing interesting ( FOR ME ) at the time, I left again. Same thing in 2022. And then 2023 the brainrot returned HARD and though there was still nothing interesting going on with the current games (again, FOR ME) I still played them all and went back to reclaim my throne as David Eilander's # 1 fan. By that time, I've really bettered my art skills and I was way more confident in sharing my art openly to other platforms like Reddit, where it was a great success. It also allowed me to meet with the fanbase again and BY GOD IT CHANGED. Everyone is a lot nicer now for SURE. Everyone is way more respectful and discuss their lore and theories in a civil manner. No more gatekeeping. It was BEAUTIFUL. And I guess that's what made me stay this time around.

So yea, fanbase was bad, now is good.

As for Jackalope, I feel like it's more popular outside of Rusty Lake than inside the fanbase. Most of the people who like my Jackalope art don't even know what Rusty Lake is. While in the fanbase I think it feels big simply because I keep it contained within my community, and since it's just a group of familiar people sharing their work about one topic, it feels big. But in the larger scope of the fanbase? I don't think so, no. I think Jackalope is just enjoyed by a few of us who bounce ideas off one another. I make art that inspires someone to write a song or a story, and then I see their work based on my work and get inspired and make something based of what they made, so on and so forth.

And this time around I also tried to introduce my dynamic for Dale and David very differently than the times before. I approached the fanbase with a slow burn idea and a comic to make it interesting. And people were surprisingly open to the idea of them, not necessarily as a ship, but just that they deserve to meet again and make amends.

Jackalope is a small ship, but it's a ship that inspired a lot of amazing things and honestly? Got a lot of people in my community interested in the game.

Hope you enjoy this long text, anon xD and I hope it was as insightful as you hoped

[jasminesjournal]

Hi! I saw it says you're a Christian in your bio, and I was wondering if you had any tips as to where to draw the line when writing like romantic scenes? I, too, am a Christian fanfic writer, and I don't write smut, but I can never tell if like the making out parts or innuendos that I do sometimes include are too much? So far, I've come to the conclusion that as long as it's nothing that would be covered by a bathing suit/swim trunks, it's ok, but again, idk.

Totally understand if you don't feel comfortable answering!

I actually saw this question answered on Instagram! So here’s my answer.

Anything done with pure intentions is okay. I’m talking about no sex before marriage. I’ll point out that my Lillianna and Carlisle stories they are not married. Yet at least.

Though I don’t write smut and I leave things open for the reader to interpret for themselves. This adds to the fun for the reader instead of me telling every detail.

That was a little off topic but there’s an example.

Now, it’s smut really that the line is drawn in writing.

Smut is porn basically, and that’s impure so Christians shouldn’t be writing it. Innuendos and kissing? That’s cool.

Close door romances is what it’s called. Where the scenes have some suggestiveness but isn’t full on “okay time to get freaky and oh look at his peeper”.

It’s more “this is happening but you’re not gonna see it. You can see these two characters are excited!”

To touch on, character sexuality and Christians—if you want to honor God in your writing don’t just keep the smut out but also the same sex romance. Both are sexual immorality. The book of Romans (my favorite book of the Bible next to Proverbs!) goes into detail on sexual immorality. With it being impure to both the body and the mind.

I think it could be really interesting to take that last bit for a plot. Like what issues could two characters face when they engage in romances that are sexually impure? If you were interested in writing something that was angsty and darker.

Thanks for asking! I don’t mind answering questions like that!

[plumsaffron]

What are your speculations about miraculous ladybug season 6 that could happened?

Idk. If that ml s6 bible is real (I'm gonna check tomorrow to see if's confirm or not or I wait more time) then no need. Otherwise I just only see at most 3-4 important things that could happen.

Adrien being told the truth of his father and how it will affect him.

Lila drawing Chloe further to be absolutely dependent towards her while Chloe would want revenge upon everyone who put her where she is now. Would rather want to see Chloe be independent and rely on no one anymore. Make new friends a live her life. If she feels really wronged, she'd cut that specific person off instead. Perhaps learn the limits she could go and not escalate the situation.

Lila making the future fully uncertain future (future bunnyx won't be able to do anything anymore like breaking or the rabbit miraculous destroyed). I would like to see though Miraculouses being broken or destroyed which would lower or ruin the heroes morale. Or something crazy like akumatizing or controlling heroes to use broken miraculouses (which harms them in the long run (maybe a later season). Be a ring around the rosie game.

There is also Lila with her other identities. Keep your friends close but your Vermins closer. Sabrina being in danger too. There is a lot of ways Marinette is screwed in expense of her friends or herself. She should have dealt with Rossi things as Ladybug only. Marinette herself is a hot topic area to visit. They sell goods. Chrysalis could spawn around lurk and ruin the goods their.

I'm gonna stop because the more I talk about Marinette, the more I'm like why do you put a bullseye target upon yourself and if Marinette stalls for a season or Natalie stalls telling Adrien the truth, the more screw one or both of them are likely (unless forgiving bs happens). Worst case scenario, Changling Queen shows the world the truth. I also would like something to trigger Lila to realize Marinette is Ladybug by a flashback trigger and it would make it all more sastifying. Wouldn't matter either way of later on after telling Adrien the truth or before. It's quite difficult for me to not dislike Marinette at least.

[zenthymiya]

hi and congrats on 100 followers!! could i do a request for the ship event?

character - zhongli

name - lilly

pronouns - she/her

toxic traits - clingy at times LMAO and also can shut

down pretty easily, stubborn as well

fluffy traits - i laugh a lot LOL and i can be confident

personality - ALRIGHT so it's kinda hard to figure out how to describe my personality like i know what it is but idk how to explain????? i’m introverted with everyone i don't know and i'm not close with but i am pretty extroverted with the people i am close to. tbh animals>>> humans. i like the color purple, uhh i enjoy reading, writing, and drawing :> when i want to reach a certain goal i will always reach it no matter what, i'm a determined person. i care about those close to me deeply! i'm also passionate about things i enjoy. i have a creative and imaginative mind and i also hyperfixate on things but cannot focus. for. the. life. of. me. ) i'm also pretty patient for the most part! i ride horses, i do show jumping, the typa stuff they do in the olympics! obviously not as advanced tho LMAO BUT i have my own horse named red, he's a paint horse and he's really sweet. i'm 5'3 and i'm into working out! i try to get along with everyone no matter how much i like or dislike them. id also say i'm a pretty sarcastic person. usually it's pretty hard for me to fall asleep but once i am asleep i'm either deep in sleep or the sound of an eye blinking will wake me up LMAO

aesthetics - light academia + clean aesthetic

ideal date - something creative, dinner would be fine but i would prefer dinner with extra creative things and also just having fun in general and getting to know each other, even if you think you already know everything ab your s/o :)

relationship - non toxic

love - sweet with a little bit of angst + mild ;)

LillyLi

<3

Going on dates with him is mainly you guys conversing together, although both of you are comfortable to sit in peaceful silence together, talking with each other is the highlight of all the dates.

Simple dates that you and him enjoy with a wide selection of foods while talking about anything. Getting dinner with him enjoying some traditional Liyue food while he tells you stories about his days about being Morax or any topic that comes to mind. Watching him wave his chopsticks still holding food around calmly as he recounts an interesting event that he had seen today.

You guys get desserts right afterwords if one of you guys crave it. You like to point out that his dessert was going to go bad if he didn’t eat it because he keeps on rambling. You love it though. I just think that another ideal date would just be you being out and about while Zhongli watches with literal stars in his eyes.

While he may not know a lot about the sport, he’ll recall some similar things he saw earlier in his life.

Sometimes you guys would do something together like ancient Liyue arts that he is very glad to teach you. He’s so down to simply do anything with you, wether it be practicing some sort of skill with you or simply shopping. In all honesty he just loves being by you and teaching you. Even if you can’t focus on what he’s showing you, he just chuckles at your dazedness and asks if you would like to do something else. He won’t get mad at all of you ask him to show you the steps again, seeing the twitch of your lips when watching him is enough to shine in his memory.

He loves the same things you do! You guys coordinate so well together. He’s more than happy to supervise your hobbies and offer advice while he does the same alongside you. Zhongli appreciates and loves your passion and creativity. He thinks it’s just gorgeous how you could create something so unique and have such a determined dead set mind. He’s always been one to appreciate your passions. He will sing so many praises, going on and on how extraordinary your craft is. Even if it’s simple he’ll always call you skilled and amazing at whatever you had made this time.

He will share his own personal stories that he’s illustrated himself in the form of writing, drawing, and even sculpting sometimes. He’s more than glad to provide you with the materials and guide your hands in his.

Nicknames nicknames nicknames galore.

You physically cannot feel insecure around this man because he will absolutely hold you down and kiss every part of you while listing off every achievement you’ve ever done while also saying that your body is absolutely gorgeous. He drones on and on about how wonderful you are for several hours

While he is the one who usually takes the reigns, he loves it when you talk about something that he doesn’t preciously know. It makes him feel all giddy inside and he shows by complimenting your knowledge on the topic

Please do go on and on about the new thing you had learned. While he does like to chime in here and there he is more than content to listen to you

He just loves cuddling you. Holding you close to his body while you try to sleep.

He’s a bit confused on while you switch up on touchiness so often. One second you wanna wrap your hands around him and the other you make him go the end of the bed. This man really does try to reason with you. Trying to get you to come back into his warm arms. He’s even pouting a little and his tail wraps around your arm to try and tug you back into his embrace. He tells you that sleep didn’t feel right the next day.

Zhongli is so enamored with your athleticism too. He is constantly watching you practice or applauding you when you preform something right. He enjoys watching you and often gives you various tips to similar things.

You often wonder how he never gets bored of watching you workout. He won’t admit it but he keeps himself entertained by letting his mind wander to other thoughts. While he keeps his composure most of the time, there was one time that he really couldn’t help himself with how delectable you looked. Heaving breaths leaving your chest, a smile on your face, and sweat gleaming down your body as you waved at him. He’s insatiable sometimes.

Under that sweet knowing smile he flashes you with he wants to see you sweat and tremble under him.

He gets so entertained when he imagines you riding him instead, letting you use his chest as reigns while he looks up and down your gorgeous body.

He loves the indigent protests you make when you say you can do this by yourself. Gently laughing while reassuring you that he believes in you and that he’s always there if you happen to need assistance.

Zhongli definitely praises you no matter how well you’ve practiced

Zhongli knows how stupidly stubborn you can be. Well he knows he can be too

He watched you struggle to do this one trick that you just couldn’t seem to get down. And you refused to leave only leaving when your body couldn’t physically take it anymore.

He offers advice and reassures you when he carries you because you were so tired that day.

Zhongli absolutely adores when you rely on him, use his shoulder as a pillow, relax in his hold when he carries you, even when you ask him to grab something for you. He loves to be your support pillar because he knows just as well you’ll be right there for him too.

Listening to Zhongli’s words will never get old to you. His soothing, calm, riveting voice that echos through the the room, bouncing off the walls as you lay on his chest. Listening to his rhythmic heartbeat and feeling the slow rise of his chest as you speak. This goes the same for him, as long as you can speak he’ll never not want to hear your voice. He says it sounds soothing to him. The waves of your voice never ceases to make him relax knowing that you are right beside him, living amongst Liyue with him.

Your first couple of dates were very awkward. As you didn’t know how to speak to Zhongli nor did you want to as he, in your eyes was still a stranger to some extent, yet you still didn’t want to turn down his date offer. Well how could you say no? Zhongli is handsome and knowledgeable, sure he can be forgetful but you liked him well enough despite his mysterious knowledge. Zhongli on the other hand rambled a lot, not knowing how to properly converse with you; he simply continued to talk about the little things he saw throughout the day.

It started out as little quips of input as response to him. Even so, Zhongli never budged, instead patiently waiting for you to open up to him more. And it worked. Just talking to him know is enough to set you on a ramble rivaling his.

As much as he is an amazing lover, things can get out of hand all because he loves your thighs more than anything.

They’re always bruised and littered with markings after some more steamy nights. He thinks his bite marks are pretty, they glow slightly orange yellow and look delightful on your thighs. You think it’s some master plan of his to get you to stay with him all throughout the day because god it is so hard to get up with bruised thighs.

You guys are both so fucking stubborn. You aren’t afraid to speak your mind but will never actually discuss with him because you don’t want to be proven wrong. Zhongli wants to cherish his time with you, that’s why he sweeps all of the problems under a rug. It is heavily implied though that he thinks that he is right.

When arguments happen you tend to close yourself off yet yearn for him. While Zhongli pretends it never happens, trying to normally go through the day with a very closed off you.

This goes on and on until you forget the problem because you just miss him too much. You really shouldn’t by the way, eventually he same topic will come up and the cycle will repeat. Just talk with him, don’t be afraid to let your guard down.

It hurts knowing that you’ll be gone one day, but the only thing he could do is simply enjoy every waking moment with you. He makes a personal contract with himself as to never forget you. Every part of you shall be remembered; from your smile to your laugh, even to your tears. He will never let himself remove your memory.

He will be always be by your side. Even if you shut down he’s right there, quietly questioning if you want anything.

Your aesthetics match so well together. He loves the scholar side of you, and he admires you for keeping your place organized.

You guys are so patient with each other actually. It’s kind of difficult to get into fights because both of you are very understanding for the most part

Zhongli will ensure maximum sleep. Always has the right amount of remedies for your perfect sleep. Sure he can get a bit concerned if he shakes you and you still don’t rouse, but it’s much better than you getting bad sleep. The moment you feel restless he’s already getting up to make soothing tea as well as offering a relaxing song fr him to hum as your lay against his chest. He has the best humming voice to sleep to. You will actually have the best sleep of your life.

He enjoys your laugh so much. Actually there’s a mutual feeling of enjoying each other’s voices. You like his deep, soothing, silky voice while he enjoys the melodies of how your voice shines through in his memories.

If he notices other people staring at your body he will absolutely give you his coat. He can’t help it, hall he wants is to keep you to himself and not let you be eye candy for anyone else.

“Dear.” Looking up from your drawing to see your partner standing next to you with a contemplative stare at your body.

He quickly averts his gaze away from your body avoiding eye contact with you, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been really.. sore lately,” looking back at your curious gaze he runs a hand down your back softly, “I was hoping to make you feel better if I massage you.”

Your eyes lit up, “Really? You’d do that for me?”

“Of course my flower, you er- have complained that it was of my own doing to make you this prone.”

As much as you love him, you just can’t let go of the fact that due to him you had to take almost two weeks off of any athleticism. A small smile settled on your face. “Weelll if you’re as good as massages as you are at rambling on and on I’ll be back to my regular activities in no time.” Your voice cheerful with a light tease.

Zhongli looks very slightly guilty, diverting his eyes as he coughs into his hand, face pink with embarrassment. “I- I am sorry for my actions, but please understand you are just.. very tempting my dear lily.” His eyes momentarily crossed to your exposed thighs full of light purple bruises.

He did not look the least amount of embarrassed or ashamed. He couldn’t help but the small twitch of his corner lip as he remembered just how pretty you were under him, looking so ethereal in his mind.

He knows you’d look even more heavenly with oil running down your skin, back exposed to him as he rubs all the knots away from your skin. He quickly averts his thoughts as fast they come. He couldn’t afford to get ahead of himself. Clearing his throat, his smooth rumbling voice reverberating in your body, “So? About that massage my love?”

[gloam-eyed-radio-tower]

January 29th, 2024

About me: I don't even know if I am using a consistent dating format. I sometimes, well... rather often get lonely, if I was just just alone in the world I think I would be fine. I would walk along the vastness of my town and for the first time it would look the same as I see it from my point of view, the illusion would end and everything that troubles me would fade. I want to go and visit great museums and galleries and get some desserts and take pictures with them with friends and go to the woods bordering the city like nature is trying to nurture what is no longer there with its palms. I want to be there having a picnic or maybe if its snow throw myself into it. Have a walk late at night at 2am with someone, stopping at the swings to try and grab a star so I could give it to them... But I feel awkward ? I don't know how I feel but I can tell when people don't enjoy my company and I'm not sure what to do. I tried to do what other people wanted of me but that just left me alone, tried acting how people wanted me to act but I guess its easy to see through the act and that just distances them away from me. I am at a point where if I do act like myself I think I would be rude, not overall but specifically to people I love the most. I would probably think ,, how could you love me so much and do this to me,, or something along those lines, so I distance myself from those who are closest to me in order not to hurt them or upset them and that distances me even more. I feel awkward. I can keep myself calm and I can keep my life peaceful and pleasant. I'm trying not to get into smoking too much, I don't know why I find it pleasant...uhmmm idk what else is new, I guess I just want a less boring life and I guess I started smoking because its just a new excitement at the moment. I feel awkward, I really want to start drawing again and pour myself into something , I will overflow , the tank will explode and I'm not sure that whatever pond is made out of it is a place where ducks could live. pee ass: riki was on my hand it was really hard to write any of this

Something cool: I think its a good idea to do a section above myself and another one where I get to nerd out about whatever I want. ill keep it short because I couldn't keep it so in the section above and I am getting tired so todays topic is going to be.... THIS NEW SECTION I JUST STARTED WOAHHHH :O where I could rant and write about whatever interest I have and there are plentyyy !!!! I stopped nerding out to friends and stuff they would prob tell my they don't mind it and like that about me but I'd just feel annoying so here it goes... ugm this is already plenty long and I started talking about myself again I utterly failed :< . Lets do fast waves of emo classifications , some left to my interpretation: Wave one would be the emocore scene with Rites of Spring being the 1st emo band of all time, its still closely related and basically still is post-hardcore, I probably like Moss Head the most out of them all. This wave started in the mid 80s and would continue to the start of the 90s with midwest emo starting the 2nd wave of emo. Bordering wave 1 and 2 I would put stuff like Sunny Day Real-Estate, Jawbreaker and Cap'n'Jazz ( the singer is the brother of the singer and guitarist of American Football and the drummer is him !!!) . I guess I would put Jimmy Eats world as the main influence of 3rd wave emo ( the 2000s yucky one that got popular ) with emo becoming more poppy with emo pop and genres like pop-punk being affiliated with it. My favourite from this era would probably be Johnny Foreigner. Wave 4 is emo revival with it mostly consisting of indie midwest emo acts with the main influence being Brave Little Abacus. Like shoegaze and slowcore the revival era mostly consists of a lot of boring music that doesent reinvent anything new, I personally dont like Modern Baseball at all, but there are a lot of good acts here that I like but I just wanted to shit on the popular normie one. Fifth Wave emo I named myself and I think I got the name the most accurate so far and I would call it bedroom emo as it consists of solo artists making emo from their room on their own, using a lot of digital software instead of real instrument and mixing genres like noise-pop and slacker rock with emo. Some of the acts from this era would be Weatherday and Parannoul but I feel too tired is 4:30 and I want to end the world.

"But I woke up this morning with a piece of past caught in my throat? And then I choked. "

[menemosa]

Just realized that if i had to assign a motif to my book interests, it would be complicated families <3333

[charmixpower]

I take back literally every I said about Bloom and Stella not going in favor of Musa and Flora. All of them should of gone actually this fucking amazing and I love it. I'm going to draw my own fanart versions where I try to make each of their personal demons more fitting and they're all going up today!!!

If you have any ideas of what each girl should of seen and heard as their personal demon, I would love to hear them bc this sequence gives me zoomies. I'm obessed and I wanna hear more

But for the ones we see on screen—

This one is the worse in my opinion

Not only is it based around a stupid fucking sub plot, that was beyond contrived, but it implies that the thing that hurts Bloom's self confidence the most is Diaspro....at this exact moment

Your telling me that it's not even the fact that she was unable to save Sky? Or protect him? But specifically Diaspro?? And how "if he loved you, he'd remember"? That's the one thing that weighs deepest on Bloom's soul?

It's also kinda of dumb too? "Maybe there's something he doesn't want to remember" from Krystal was stupid to begin with. Bloom has a tendancy to blame things on herself, but it's actually fucking ridiculous for her to think that it's her he wants to forget. He's been dating you for 4 seasons? She'd more likely be having a reaction simulatilar to the og Diaspro situation where she immediately assumed it was something else! Like, idk: his multiple near deaths, being mind controlled into a relationship and nearly getting married in that state, his dad working with the ancestral witches, ect ect. It's just weird to me? She's so defeatist here

That's more of a side point, my main issue is that I don't wanna see Bloom deal with the most recent thing that happened to her that's affecting her confidence. I want her to deal with a festering wound, something that's been weighing on her for a few seasons!

Like obviously there are MUCH better people for Bloom to see as her demon, but if you desperately wanna keep Diaspro: have Diaspro say that Bloom would make a terrible queen and she's going to lead Domino back into ruin because she's completely unprepared for the responsibility bc Bloom isn't mature enough and Bloom bites back that she's still young and has time to learn, have Diaspro say that Bloom will never be accepted into the Eraylon Royal family and that she'll never be accepted by Eraylon's people, have Diaspro say that Bloom's newfound fame is going to ruin her because Bloom is ungraceful and a weird girl and is eventually going to be eaten alive by the media

Literally, have her say anything! Fucking anything else! I don't wanna hear about Sky form Diaspro. I do not care

Also literally anyone else would be a better representation of what makes Bloom feel inadequate

Tecna could be there calling Bloom a horrible leader, Stella could be there saying that she regrets ever bringing Bloom to Alfea and that Bloom isn't with the effort

By the way, the obviously correct choice for what makes Bloom feel the least confident in herself is literally anyone from Domino. There's the best choice, that's even more obvious, but the fact that the writers couldn't even get close to correct makes me wanna rip my hair out

Daphne, you idiots, it should of been Daphne

The one that's narratively, and execution wise, the best is

This hurt like a lot, like a lot a lot, and I adore it

There is one thing I dislike tho. Aisha didn't break the spell because she was firm in the idea that she did her best, and she'd never let Nabu die. It's because she realized that this Nabu was fake

I wanna see Aisha assert herself confidently :((( that's the point of a self confidence test right?

(Also it confirms the horrible retcon that Nabu is dead and fuck that)

Aside from that??? I fucking love this

Aisha gets a real, powerful demon to deal with and it's on such a distressing topic????? And SHE BREAKS DOWN???

So excellent. I love this, it's so emotional and powerful, and even tho I don't like the way she broke free, watching her break free was fucking badass and I love Aisha I love her sm

This one is the shortest because I have no complaints except "I wanna see Aisha assert herself with confidence for the self confidence test" that's all. And I have nothing to grab and run with off a cliff because it's actually pretty well handed, so the only thing I'd add to or change is "put Nabu back into a coma, like you said he was in s4, and make him not dead." And what I've already mentioned

Good scene, I was having the time of my fucking life during it. I was so invested in Aisha's personal stuggles!!

But the one that gives me the most brain worms and makes me wanna rave for an hour straight is

First I would like to say that the way this scene goes down is even stupider than Bloom's because it's a about Stella's..."brand new" desire to be a fashion designer. Once again, shallow and dumb

I know it's bad, don't worry, I was so annoyed at this scene for being a waste...and that leads into why it's the one that I most wanna excitedly ramble about. What I like isn't the scene itself, but the potential of the scene

Just think about the implications of this!

Bloom (taking the story at face value, without acknowledging how dumb it is) got some she hates, someone she knows will kick her her down, someone she's genuinely afraid will ruin her life (even tho it's stupid). Aisha got someone she feels she failed, someone she misses with her whole heart, someone that carries feelings of grief for her

If this is supposed to be a test of self-confidence, they'd obviously see something that inspires self-loathing

Now, what does it say that the thing that inspires the most self-loathing in Stella, is Stella herself

I'm incredibly annoyed they wasted what could of been amazing moment by focusing it on her desire to be a fashion designer. I would of loved to see Stella looking at all the worst parts of herself, still disliking them, but deciding to love herself and trust herself anyways

Like the thing that strips away all her confidence is herself! Think of the drama! Think of the emotions we could of had! Hell I wouldn't even want Stella to realize it's an illusion, but to offer the other version of herself a hug, and that breaking the spell instead

I mean it's stated in s3 that she thinks the only reason people like her is because she's pretty. Which is in turn implied the reason she's so obsessed with her looks. Stella is thoroughly said to have a self-loathing problem she covers up with mountains of fake self-confidence in season 3, and she has a whole little arc about learning that people actually like her and don't just value her for her looks

This could of been the perfect moment to show how she's progressed with her self-loathing tendencies since this arc! It would of been amazing to show how Stella's grown and has begun practicing self love after she learned that her worst fears are flase

Under the curtain she still struggles with self-loathing, but she does believe in herself. This is a test for a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment. Stella looking at herself and despite her self loathing, and being hyper-aware of all her faults, her still being able to show that she trusts in herself more than her other version of her thinks she should would be a fucking moment!!!

Like pre s3 arc Stella wouldn't be able to past the test, but she's been genuinely putting focus on loving and caring about herself and now she's more confident so she can pass the test

Like??? Would that not be awesome?? Bdjsjs idk if I'm going on about nothing, but like listen. It would be so amazing

To show that they have self-confidence the Winx battle their inner demons demons, and Stella's is herself!!! Can you understand why I am squeeing about the potential of this scene??

This moment is completely and utterly wasted on a dumb plot line that agressively retcons a huge amount of og Stella (who was already working on becoming a fashion designer, seriously why did they make this a new thing??), but the fact that Stella saw herself and the sheer potential of this moment is living in my head rent free

[mercy-burning]

Move This Along

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After months of waiting, Spencer decides he finally wants to have sex with Reader. Category: SMUT (18+) Warnings: Language, sex (oral sex- female receiving, virgin!Spence, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie) Word Count: 5.6k

Full Request: “...so a smutty oneshot with like virgin!spencer but im talkling like baby spence. and hes super blushy and cute but then when it happens its rlly raunchy and therws a lot of dirty talk. and like reader doesnt work at the bau but theyre close friends. and like she goes out to a bar with him and the team and they tease him so then she takes him home and literally fucks him after a movie or smth idk...” — @mggscumrag

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to do this, but once I did, it came out so quickly! I hope it’s to your liking 🥰

***

The first time she went out to meet Elle's friends from work, Y/N found herself absolutely nervous, and she wasn't sure why. She was always great with meeting new people, but for some reason, the prospect of meeting her next-door neighbor's co-workers seemed to really do a number on her.

She remembers how anxious she'd been, constantly worrying that they wouldn't like her, not to mention they were all probably super smart and strong and intimidating, just like Elle. Anyone who aided in putting away serial killers, rapists, and other monsters had to be just about the most intimidating personality there ever was.

But as Y/N soon learned, that wasn't quite the case at all.

To be fair, they were all intimidating in their own little ways, though it was really easy to forget about that when she was laughing with them, sharing drinks and stories, and exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch.

That's how she and Spencer had come to be good friends. Despite how obviously shy he was whenever they saw each other, the two of them managed to have conversations on just about everything. It usually happened that he talked and she listened to whatever he was teaching her, but she'd always add on the occasional, "Wow, I didn't know that," or "That's really fascinating." All of which she could tell he was surprised at and appreciated.

And since the first time they met at Elle's birthday party, the night she met the whole team for the first time, they'd been practically inseparable. While Y/N was good friends with the whole team, save for Gideon, who always seemed to like it better by himself, her relationship with Spencer seemed to even surpass the bond she'd built with her neighbor-slash-best friend.

Elle even told her as much one Saturday night, as the two of them were driving to the bar to meet up with everyone for a few drinks.

She'd mentioned it as a joke, but Y/N was instantly apologetic.

Elle only laughed. "Don't apologize. Actually, I think it's good that Reid has another friend outside of work. You're good for him. And you know, I think he has a little crush on you."

Warmth rushed to Y/N's cheeks, and she tried to hide it but failed miserably, causing Elle to give her a knowing smile. "Y—You don't know what you're talking about, Elle, it's not like that."

"Oh come on, it totally is. You give him the light of day when no one else does, he talks about you all the time, and everyone at work knows it."

She paused. "They... do?"

"Of course they do, we're all profilers, but it doesn't take one to see how obsessed that boy is with you. I think you should go for it."

Y/N would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about asking him out. But in the end she had always figured it was a little weird, being that she was friends with all his and Elle's co-workers and she'd kinda been adopted into their family of sorts. But hearing what her neighbor was saying... She started to think differently about it.

"You really think so?"

Elle nodded. "Absolutely."'

"Okay," she replied with an excited smile. "Maybe I will, then."

A week later and the two of them started dating. Y/N always thinks back to the first few weeks of their relationship, how adorably shy and blush-prone Spencer was, even after they'd been together for some time. They spent almost all their free time together, and it still seemed like he was nervous to be around her. He'd assured her on multiple occasions that that wasn't the case, but Y/N still wondered why he hadn't fully warmed up to being around her.

Especially in public. Oh, in public it was worse. Y/N clung to his arm, and his face immediately got red. What confused her the most, though, was that every time she pulled away to make him more comfortable, he pulled her back in, seemingly desperate to feel her warmth.

In the end she and Spencer had grown to develop their own little communication system for public settings, something to let the other know when something was really wrong, and when to ask if the other was comfortable.

One night everyone was meeting after a rough case somewhere in Denver, and Y/N offered to buy everyone drinks once Spencer had called to tell her they were all back. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to do that, but it had been a while, so everyone was quick to except. Well, mostly everyone— Gideon as per usual went his separate way, and Hotch was eager to get home and see his family.

Y/N was waiting for them at their favorite bar downtown when she heard a loud squeal that sounded a lot like her name. Sure enough, it was easy to spot a very yellow-clad Penelope Garcia headed straight towards her with her arms stretched out for a hug when she turned around. The smile she adorned was instantaneous as her arms came out a well, embracing Penelope with a large hug that almost knocked the wind out of her.

"I missed you!" she exclaimed, still hugging Y/N and swaying them back and forth a little. "I mean, I know I don't ever travel with the team, but because of that we should hang out more."

"Next time I need some company, I know who to call."

Y/N spotted Spencer then, behind Penelope and patiently waiting for a greeting. She smiled at him and whispered, "Hi," to which Penelope must have heard.

She quickly released her from their embrace and stepped out of the way. "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from your boy wonder."

She laughed as she transferred from Penelope's arms to Spencer's. He muttered a little, "Hi," into her hair as she squeezed him and shoved her face into his neck. If she had to bet, he was probably red as a tomato right now with how close her mouth was to his neck—it was his weakness and she knew it. And just to tease him a little bit she quickly kissed up his neck, his jaw, and placed a decent peck on his lips before pulling away and grabbing his hand.

Despite the shy smile and the blush adorning his cheeks, he squeezed her hand tight and kept her at his side like they would die if they weren't touching at all times.

Everyone gave little greetings to Y/N as they all made their way to a large booth near the back. Y/N was sitting on one side with Elle to her right and Spencer to her left, while Derek, Penelope, and JJ sat across from them. Y/N got them all their preferred drinks, and a beer for herself, which Spencer couldn't help but find oddly attractive.

He glanced over at her as she took swigs from the bottle as the night progressed, and for whatever reason the sight made his insides all warm and tingly. And when she used her unoccupied hand to grab his under the table, rubbing gentle circles over the inside of his palm with her thumb, he'd never felt more in love with another person. He wasn't even drinking any alcohol, yet his head swam and his heart soared all the same, every bone in his body humming with euphoria at just the mere thought of her.

He must have been staring a little too obviously, because Derek kicked his leg under the table, pulling him from the lovesick daydream he never wanted to leave.

"I can't tell if those are cute ol' puppy dog eyes or bedroom eyes," Derek laughed, and everyone laughed right alongside him.

"Oh, stop it," Penelope said, swatting his arm. "He's obviously just very in love with her, what more could you need to know?"

"Oh, come on, tell me you're not curious to know how they... operate."

She smacked him harder this time, and everyone laughed.

Knowing her boyfriend didn't really care for the spotlight, especially when it came to their relationship, Y/N squeezed Spencer's hand under the table in reassurance. She drew a question mark in his palm, their signal for, "Are you uncomfortable?" And he responded by drawing an "X" in her palm, their answer for, "No." She laced their fingers together then, and set her beer down.

"Morgan, our sex life isn't any of your business," she stated simply.

Spencer felt his stomach churn at the sentence, if only because said sex life was, as of late, non-existent.

He and Y/N had made out a lot, sure, but the one time they did try having sex, he made it about ten seconds being inside of her before he finished, and since then he'd been kind of embarrassed about it. They only ever made out since then, because before it ever got that far he stopped it, nervous that he'd disappoint her.

And now his non-existent sex life was the topic of conversation, and if anyone picked up on it, he would have felt worse about the whole thing.

So, he didn't stop himself from speaking. "But if you must know, it's great."

Y/N's hand tensed up in his, and she looked over at him, shock marinating in her eyes. To anyone else it would have looked like she was surprised he'd even bring it up, but he knew she was most likely more curious to know why he'd lied about it.

Their friends laughed regardless, Elle adding a curious and joking, "Care to elaborate?"

Ready to change the subject, Spencer shook his head. "Nope."

"Yeah, actually I think we're gonna head out early," Y/N added. Spencer was suddenly worried he'd made her upset, but she rubbed gentle circles into his hand that reassured him everything was okay.

He got out of the booth and Y/N followed, as their friends grumbled.

"Oh, come on, we didn't mean to embarrass you guys," Derek said.

"No, that's not it," Y/N said as she threw on a light jacket. "You just reminded me how much I'd like to operate with my boyfriend since I haven't seen him in a few days, so we're leaving. Have a good night."

Spencer felt searing heat rise to his cheeks as he turned around and ushered Y/N out the door, accompanied by low whistles and claps from their friends.

***

The two of them were sitting on the couch now, Y/N having just set down a couple classes of water.

"Sorry if you wanted to stay," she said quietly, playing with her thumbs. "You know we don't... actually have to operate if you don't want, obviously, I was just looking for something to say..."

"Oh, Y/N, I know. Don't worry about it. Really, I... I was the one who even brought it up, I should have just let you handle it."

She looked up at him with a small smile. "Why.. did you bring it up anyway?"

"Well, I... I guess I just felt embarrassed. And I know what we do together isn't any of their business, but I was just... I really was thinking about how much I love you, and when Morgan brought it up, I felt like I wasn't... living up? To your expectations? I don't..." He sighed, unsure how to properly articulate how he was feeling. "I don't know. I just thought about the last time we tried having sex, and I felt embarrassed about it, that's all."

"Oh, honey," Y/N cooed, scooting closer to him and bringing her hand up to brush some of the hair from his face. "You know, you... don't have anything to prove, right? I know how much you love me, and you don't need to be having sex with me to show me, I hope you know that."

Still, he couldn't bring himself to look at her face. "I do," he choked out, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Y/N's tongue clicked, and she leaned into him, wrapping one of her arms around his neck and placing the other across his lap. She held him tight and kissed the side of his head. "Don't you ever be sorry, unless you cheat on me. Then there will be something to be sorry about."

He laughed at her joke, turning his head to brush his nose against hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered, giving him the lightest of kisses on the lips.

When she pulled away, he leaned in again, kissing her a little harder, and she gladly reciprocated. With every passing second, all of his worries started to melt away like the snow to her sunshine. Within every kiss was an emanation of outpouring love and comfort that warmed his soul and gave him the confidence to try something bold.

His hands threaded through her hair as he drew her in closer, and instinctively, she climbed over his lap, resting her hands on his shoulders as he gently probed her mouth with his tongue. The sound of her sigh as she opened up to him and allowed him to fully explore her mouth with his made his stomach bubble and tense.

This would be about the time where he'd stop, telling Y/N that they should slow down, and she'd sweetly oblige and stay cuddled into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

But tonight he didn't want that.

Tonight he wanted more.

While one of his hands remained in her hair, gently massaging her scalp, the other snaked down to her lower back. He gently slid his fingers under the fabric of her shirt and pressed his palm flat against her, pulling her closer to him with a desperation that both shocked and excited her.

Deciding to test the waters, Y/N rolled her hips, feeling him jump slightly underneath her, followed by a whine that vibrated her mouth and sent a low hum of pressure through her stomach.

Still, she pulled away.

Well... She tried to.

When she pulled her face away from him, Spencer used the hand in her hair to bring her back, tilting his head in the other direction and continuing to kiss her with enough passion for the both of them. And it didn't help that the sound she made when he did it spurred him on. She whimpered loudly into his mouth, and the hand on her back involuntarily slid down to grab her ass.

"Hey," she managed to get out when he pulled away momentarily for air. "Hey, you don't... We don't have to really do this if you don't want. I—I don't want you to think that what happened earlier means we have to have sex."

"Y/N..." His hand gently kneaded her ass, and against her better judgement, she rolled her hips again, sighing out against his lips. "I don't want to put it off any longer... Really, I... I want to. I want to show you how much I love you."

She kissed him softly again, bringing both of her hands up to cradle his face. "You already do. Every day."

She was giving him an out, and Spencer appreciated it. But with the way his insides were practically melting away at her presence, he knew more than anything that this was what he wanted.

"I know," he said. "But if you don't mind, today I'd like to show you a little extra." And then he kissed her deeply again.

Her hands tightened on his face, right before they slid up and through his hair. She gently tugged at it, and he let out one of the most delicious sounds she'd ever heard. For future reference, she relished in that sound, in that feeling, and made a mental note to try it out some more when they got further along in their sexual path.

But tonight, she would let him call the shots. He was finally ready to try it again, and seeing how confident he grew in his touches and kisses when she submitted to him, it was the simplest decision.

So she remained on his lap until he made another move, encouraging him with whimpers and languid rolls of her hips against his. Her hands grew frenzied in his hair when he dipped his hand past the waistband of her jeans and underwear, sticking his fingers in only about a knuckle deep. The warmth of his hands against her bare skin sent shivers down her spine, which she let show by involuntarily grinding down on his lap.

Spencer groaned deeply more than whined this time, his grip on her hands gripping tighter to her backside. He forced himself to remove his mouth from hers long enough to breathe out, "Bedroom. Please."

As much as Y/N didn't want to get off of his lap, she knew that what waited for her in the bedroom would be worth the momentary loss of complete physical contact. So she peeled herself away from her boyfriend, grabbing him by the hand, and lead him to her bedroom.

Once the door was closed, he was on her again, caging her face between his large hands and capturing her lips in another heated kiss. They moved backwards until she hit her back against the door, and the second their movement stopped, Spencer used their standing position to press his full body weight into her, their legs tangling together.

Meanwhile, Y/N was trying to figure out where to put her hands. She wanted to brace them on his chest, but it was pressed tightly against hers. So they wandered over his back, but she couldn't decide whether to place them under his shirt or on his butt. Or maybe she wanted to grip his arms to feel the veins as they strained against his skin from holding her face. The possibilities were quite endless.

So endless that they were even surprising—Spencer noticed her wandering hands and promptly decided to place them where he wanted, which was apparently above her head. He removed his hands from her face and pinned her wrists to the door above her head, and she huffed a breath as he pulled away to speak.

"Is this okay? I wasn't too... too rough?"

The concern swimming in his lust-filled eyes drew a little whimper from her throat as she struggled to find the right words. But finally, she settled on, "That was so fucking hot..."

Relief flashed over his gaze right before he grinned. His fingers flexed against her wrists, and even though she couldn't see them, she could imagine how it looked. And it really was fucking hot.

Seeing the expression on her face, Spencer leaned forward again and kissed her one last time. Their lips moved together hungrily, dancing in perfect synchronization, the music being the frantic beating of their hearts.

And then he started to trail his kisses down her jaw and neck, keeping her hands firmly pinned to the door. Usually she was the one to explore his neck with her tongue and teeth, but this time he wanted to try it for himself. Mirroring what he'd felt her do to him hundreds of times over, he soaked in every single sound she made, from the little whimpers of pleasure to the soft, choked whispers of his name dancing over her lips. And when her hips canted forward, searching for any kind of friction, he decided to grant it to her.

As his kisses moved down along her collarbone, his hands gently slid down with him, over her arms and then down to the bottom of her shirt as he kneeled in front of her. He lifted the shirt slowly, each new inch of exposed skin being met with soft kisses until it reached her breasts. He reached up to palm them over her bra while he trailed his kisses downward again.

Even though she was wearing jeans, he pressed kisses to her legs anyway. She squirmed under his touch, and the feeling made his heart soar.

"Please, Spence," she huffed, bringing her hands down to lay overtop of his. She felt the tendons and veins in his hands as they squeezed her, and with everything she had, she tried not to beg him to use them in more interesting places. She wanted to let him take his time, to be a vessel for his exploration, but it was growing harder every second to be patient.

Thankfully he seemed to get what she was feeling, because his hands slid out from under her shirt and rested at her jeans. "Can I take these off?"

The fact that he even asked when she so clearly begged him to do it made her heart swell. "Please do," she chuckled, though it turned into a choked sigh when his fingers actually started undoing the button. And at the sound of her zipper going down, she could have come undone right there.

He pulled her jeans down slowly and helped her step out of them. And she thought maybe he'd take the next step and do the same with her underwear, but he opted to use his mouth instead.

With gentle kisses, he traced the hem of the fabric all the way to either side of her waist. And then he looked up at her with curious eyes and shifted his face, pressing his nose right up against where her clit would be. Her hands immediately went to his hair, but he grabbed her wrists again and laid them at her sides. "Do you want me to move this along?" His voice wasn't teasing as much as it was genuine curiosity.

Still, Y/N resisted the urge to tell him yes. "I—I want you to do whatever feels right. Tonight's... about you. What you want."

"Well, what I want is to make you feel good. So, again... Do you want me to move this along?"

Every time his lips moved, they brushed up against where she desperately wanted him. And it was killing her. So, she nodded vigorously. "Yes, please," she whispered.

And with that, Spencer released her hands and used his fingers to gently rub her over the fabric. The contact made her shiver visibly, and he took that as a good sign. So he wasted no more time and replaced his fingers with his tongue, fluttering his eyes closed at the taste of her. And he knew that once the thin fabric was gone it would be stronger, but even then he was thoroughly wrecked.

He kept lapping his tongue over her, feeling her panties get wetter with ever second, and he only finally removed them when she started grinding her hips closer to his face, desperate for more.

When he did finally bring his tongue to fully taste her for the first time, they both let out the filthiest sounds, months and months of build-up starting to come to a head. He tasted her like he would an ice cream cone, and for the first few moments his eyes remained closed, all his focus on this brand new sensation. But he wanted nothing more than to see her react to him. So he opened his eyes and continued his ministrations, pupils blowing wide at the sight of her above him.

She was panting, her mouth hung open and her tongue just barely peeking out over her bottom lip. Her eyes remained shut, though Spencer could tell she was struggling to open them. With a tentative flick of his tongue over her clit, he took notice of the little gasp she made, and he knew he'd found it. So he repeated his action, providing small kitten licks to her clit as she picked up her breathing and clenched her hands at her sides.

He picked up the pace then, taking note of every little thing that made her cry out or jump with pleasure until she was clutching his hair. He was sucking on her clit now, his middle finger gently sliding in and out of her when she spoke.

"Oh, fuck, keep doing that. I'm... I'm almost..."

He felt her tighten around his finger as she started careening off the edge, and he did his best to keep his eyes on her face, because it had practically been haunting him, wondering what it would be like to see her come undone at his mercy.

To say it was better than he could have ever dreamed was a severe understatement.

Y/N's head leaned back against the door, her chin jutted out so he could see the beautiful contours of her chin and neck. He saw her throat contract as she moaned out his name, saw her chest heave as she struggled to catch her breath, and best of all, he felt her flutter around his finger and mouth. And if that was high inducing, he couldn't wait to feel wat it would be like to replace them with something else.

The mere thought had him trembling.

He pulled back when she huffed out an over-stimulated, "Okay, please, please stop, oh..."

Though it could just as easily have been a painful sentiment, the hungry, dazed look in her eye suggested otherwise.

Spencer stood up and brought his finger to his mouth, still caught up in her taste before she ripped his wrist away and kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair and moaning into his mouth.

Before he could get lost in it, though, she pulled away and nodded. "Okay. I think you're wearing too many clothes."

He tilted his head down in a little flush, and with the help of Y/N, his shirt peeled away from his body and joined her pants and underwear on the floor.

Y/N mirrored his actions, kissing gently down his jaw, neck, and then down his torso. Her hands wandered his bare back as she sunk to her knees. But when her hands moved to his belt, he stopped her.

"W—wait."

She peeled her hands away and looked up at him. "Are you okay? Do you want to slow down?"

He visibly swallowed, and she could read that look on his face that he got whenever he was embarrassed to tell her something. "N—no, I... I want... the opposite, actually."

"I don't follow..."

"Well, I know that... if you return the favor, I won't last very long, a—and I... I don't want to wait anymore."

Y/N smiled, standing again and bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. "So you're saying you... want me to move this along?"

Spencer smiled at her recollection of his words. "Yes, please."

They travelled to the bed then, Y/N taking off her shirt and bra when they got there, and leaving her completely bare to him. She sat down and reached for his belt, looking up at him as he stood.

"I'm clean and on birth control, do you still want to use a condom? I have some in my table drawer."

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "As long as you're sure."

Y/N undid his belt quickly and threw it to the side, making work of his button and zipper with a smile. "Oh I'm so sure..."

The way she said it made his dick twitch, images running through his mind of how it would look seeing her filled and dripping with—

Her hand was palming him through his underwear now, and it was all he could think about. He had already been hard before, but now it was tilting on the precipice of painful pleasure. So he stopped her, taking a deep breath.

"Lay down?"

"However you want me," Y/N answered, positioning herself on the bed so she was leaning back, her head nicely laid out on the pillows.

Spencer swallowed and removed his underwear before climbing on the bed and kneeling over her. Her legs were already wide, feet flat on either side of him as he positioned himself and got ready.

She reached out and gently grabbed his forearm, a gentle smile on her face. "You ready?"

"Mhm," he answered with a curt nod, bringing himself forward to run the head of his dick through her wetness. They both sighed at the feeling, and Spencer knew he was in trouble.

It was finally happening, he was getting another chance to have sex with her, and if he didn't last long again, he was going to—

"I love you," Y/N said reassuringly, rubbing circles into the hand that rested on the inside of her thigh.

He looked into her eyes and saw that love radiating from them. It warmed his insides and gave him the confidence he needed to finally, slowly push into her as he whispered, "I love you, too."

Once he was fully sheathed inside her, he let out a large breath, leaning down to brace his arms on either side of her head. The pressure of her clenched around him was overwhelming in the best way possible, and he never wanted to move.

But he had to.

She stroked his hair, pressing soft kisses all over his face, and whispered, "I love you."

With those three words, Spencer had the courage to pull back and then forward again, testing the waters and more accurately, his limits. He picked up a slow pace that burned him from the inside out, every muscle and vein in his body on fire with the knowledge that he was finally, properly making love to the woman he was pretty sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But he was holding back. Y/N could tell. He glided through her with ease, sure, but his eyes were squeezed shut like he was concentrating, like he was pacing himself and trying to hold on to this feeling.

She moved her hands down to his back and lightly ran her fingernails over the skin, feeling him tremble under her touch.

"You feel so good, Spence," she whispered. "So perfect for me..."

The words made his hips stutter just a little, and Y/N knew then what the hesitation was.

He wanted to go faster.

So she moved her fingers lower, cupping his ass and scratching featherlight circles into the skin as she moaned. "You like when I talk to you, baby? Does hearing my voice help you out?"

Spencer choked out a groan as he opened his eyes and saw how feral she looked. Her pupils were blown wide, her mouth was pouted cutely, and she smiled as soon as she saw him bite his lip.

"You wanna go faster?" she cooed, digging her fingernails a little harder into the flesh of his ass. "Hmm?"

"F—fuck, Y/N... I..."

"You fuck me however you need to, baby. Don't hold back. Just let it all out."

He groaned out then, his hips picking up speed. She felt the relief and the tension rolling off his body as he finally gave into his urges, and it was just about the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed.

"That's it, baby... Don't stop... Give it to me, let me feel you..."

He leaned down and kissed her then, pumping into her harder and harder with every second. She moaned out against his mouth, swallowing all his breaths and grunts. Meanwhile her fingers gripped his ass harder, relishing in the feeling of his muscles as they aided in fucking her.

His mouth pulled away as he shoved his face into her neck, and she sighed. "You're doing so good, baby. Fuck... " His hips kept moving, and she clenched around him hard, hoping to gauge his reaction.

Sure enough, he groaned against her neck and canted his hips harder. Every thrust forward now was so deep he hit her g-spot, and the sensation made her sigh with a smile. "That's fucking right, baby... Just like that, don't stop, don't stop. You fe—el so... ohhh."

Her words lit this fire in him that was impossible to put out. His body was hers for the taking, and so he'd give her everything he had. Which is why he picked up the pace and fucked into her as hard as he could, dangerously close to finishing.

"Fuck, Spence, I'm gonna... —na..."

Y/n's moans turned into a quiet scream as she came, clenching tightly around his dick and digging her fingernails into his ass. Her eyes squeezed shut with the swirling patterns of fireworks exploding behind them, meanwhile he twitched inside of her and lost it at last. As she came down, she helped him hold himself there, deep inside her as his cum spilled over in warm increments. They both moaned out at the feeling, all their tension easing and dissipating.

By the end, all that was left between the both of them was a thin sheen of sweat and murmured promises of "I love you."

They could have fallen asleep right there. Y/N's hands slid up his backside, over his arms, and then to the back of his head, combing gently through his disheveled hair as he pressed loving kisses to the patch of skin where her neck met her collarbone. He was still inside her, unwilling to leave the warmth she provided, and she did nothing to object.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asked, opening her eyes.

Spencer tilted his head up to look at her, his heart once again swelling at the adoring look in her eyes. "I'm great."

She laughed, and he laughed with her. And they were silent for a few moments before he spoke again.

"So, uh... What we just did is what we're counting as our real first time together, right? Like, the other time doesn't count?"

Y/N laughed again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "If you want to count this as our first time, then yes. I'd be more than happy to agree with you."

"Good. This was much better."

Even though she would never hold their first first time together against him, she was inclined to agree.

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[isagisyoichi]

how do u think the boy would be in a party😈😈

NEW RULES!

SYNOPSIS: blue lock at a party

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: isagi, bachira, nagi, reo, rin, chigiri, naruhaya, niko, nanase, gagamaru, kunigami

WARNINGS: mentions of underage drinking and weed (but no one actually takes anything), swearing, mentions of throwing up and food, again pretend they're all friends and go to the same school because it's more fun to think that way. ooc rin maybe? idk i like pretending he's not as miserable as the manga makes him out to be 🤗 he deserves to have fun i think

A/N: no cause this was soooo fun to write tysm anon, i got through this in a flash cause i loved this suggestion sm :') literally one of the most fun requests i've ever gotten eeee!!!!! also this made me miss my irls bye corona can suck my balls fr

ISAGI YOICHI:

i feel like this would be his first big party aw lol, so he’s kind of nervous LMAO.

gets handed a beer by someone, has his first sip of it ever, and immediately spits it out. mutters “how the hell can anyone drink this?” and “discreetly” pours the rest into a bush.

mainly stays with nagi, chigiri, kunigami, and bachira and they just talk throughout the night

(bachira only sits down and talks after his energy dies down. i'll elaborate on this below the cut).

keeps asking nagi “what song is this?” throughout the night LOL. makes a mental note of what songs to add to his playlists.

slightly nods his head to the music, aw cute. goes a little harder and lip syncs/raps along when he really likes the song, though (i stand by my word when i said he loves “neon guts”)

does accidentally bump into someone, but isagi starts a convo with them after he apologizes, and they hit it off right away 🥰

but, the person left early and isagi, ever the dummy, forgets to ask for their number.

and he's actually so disappointed in himself when he realizes, too 😭

BACHIRA MEGURU:

not drunk or anything at all, but boy, the way he’s acting makes it seem like he is.

the self proclaimed “life of the party.”

can be found “dancing,” though i use that word generously because to classify whatever he’s doing as “dancing,” is a stretch, to every song, even if he doesn’t know the words LOL

really likes when throwbacks come on!!!! he does dance to the lyrics and not the beat sometimes, though 😭

but, bachira looks like he’s having so much fun, it’s so cute, he’s definitely been waiting for this moment his whole life 🥰

if you were dancing with him, bachira would 100% take you by the hand and spin you around

also forces gets isagi to dance with him but isagi’s so awkward 😭

bachira also ends up jumping in the pool sometime later that night. yells “cannonball!” and everything, like, okay michael phelps 😭

he doesn’t have extra clothes so reo has to give him some and they're so fucking big on him LOLLL

texts the groupchat “i was sooo crazy last night😂” in the morning LMAOO, okay babe calm down

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE:

takes it upon himself to make sure none of his friends die LOL

only drinks water and diet coke 👍

his mom calls in the middle of the party to ask how he's doing and bachira and nagi are doing stupid shit like yelling “pass the weed” and fake moaning 😭

isagi and chigiri tell him to tell her they say hi LOL

really likes when the dj puts on 90s/2000's r&b/hiphop songs (i'll die by my hc that kunigami's an oldies fan)

mostly sways side to side to the music, but he did also dance a little, per request of bachira, and ended up talking to a cute person a for little, too 🤗

offers to help clean up in the morning

CHIGIRI HYOUMA:

at least two drunk girls have mistaken him for their friend, and another four have asked to touch his hair.

tried to use one of reo’s many bathrooms, found a couple making out, outwardly said “gross,” and then left to find another one 😭

nods his head and taps his foot to the music, not much of a dancer.

also a people-watcher, and he points out things he sees are happening to his friends.

“guys, i think misa and her boyfriend are breaking up, look.” leave that poor girl alone bro 😭

finds himself laughing a lot that night because damn! his friends are funny, whether they try to be or not.

not really a party person, but chigiri actually had a lot of fun 🥰

NARUHAYA ASAHI:

also on the dancefloor! doesn’t really dance, per say, but he jumps up and down and does the fist pump thing 😭 he has the spirit, let's give him that.

drank a lot of soda, so he’s filled with energy. also pees in at least three of reo's bathrooms.

talks to his friends, but also makes new ones! also i feel like he takes a lot of pictures LOL. he needs the finsta content 😭

plays truth or dare, or something like that. ends up having to do some stupid shit like smack raichi’s ass and run away, but naruhaya did make out with the girl next to him, so fair trade, he thinks.

also ends up in the pool, but he’s playing chicken with gagamaru and some other people. does not win a single round, but he had fun 😇

leaves with like four plates of food and one of reo’s decorative towels for some reason???

GAGAMARU GIN:

goes through a bunch of reo's shit 😭 he's not taking anything, but he's just curious LOL

strikes up very, random conversations with a bunch of people out of nowhere, good for him!

weirdly good at darts, very good aim.

although one round, naruhaya accidentally distracted gagamaru and one of darts ended up in reo's wall 💔

“it's fine, he has the money to fix it,” naruhaya shrugs as he walks away from reo's now punctured, wall. so true bestie!

gagamaru somehow ends up giving some drunk stranger some “life-changing” advice. (whether it's good or not is debatable)

they thank gagamaru for changing their life and he never sees them again

NAGI SEISHIRO:

irritates the fuck out the dj because nagi keeps asking him to play one specific song over and over again.

it was good the first time, don't wear it out for the rest of us bae 😭

doesn't really dance, just nods his head, maybe raps along a little, too

when he talks to the girls that come up to him, nagi says stuff like “yeah, the host and i go way back, we’re best friends.”

“way back,” my ass, but whatever nagi 🤨

knocks out in one of reo’s guest rooms. someone finds him when they’re trying to look for the bathroom and they draw a mustache and a bunch of other stupid shit on him 😭

tries to leave before reo makes him help clean up in the morning. does not work 👍

dumbass also ended up losing his phone (reo bought him a new one so nagi doesn't really care)

RAICHI JINGO:

gasses himself up sooo much when he’s trying to hit on girls.

“yeah, i'm about to go D1 after high school, just wait on it,” yeah, okay raichi 🙄

also tries to show them his highlights, bye. babe, i mean this in the nicest possible way but, i do not care, can we just kiss 🙏

i feel like he’s one of those boys who likes to take his shirt off for no reason, so raichi most definitely ends up shirtless at some point of the night 😭

takes pictures with reo’s fancy cars in his garage to flex 💀 gets annoyed when reo says raichi can’t drive them. raichi doesn't even have his license 😑

plays pool and is actually not that bad. does almost accidentally blind isagi with his cue, though.

IMAMURA YUUDAI:

he's with some girls but, he’s a dummy and he didn’t know his other hoes would be there, so imamura had quite a few drinks spilled on him here and there.

still somehow leaves with like three new girls snaps, four numbers, and a bunch of lipstick stains. not even gonna lie, i respect his game.

actually a really good dancer, and he knows he looks good, too. knows the words to every drake song that comes on, argue with your mom.

lip-syncs the words to you when you dance together and it makes you more flustered than you would think 🙄

the type to pull you close and wraps his arms around your waist or around your neck

actually really fun to talk to. always in the loop with drama and stuff, so he's always got some interesting conversation topics. and he's funny 😭

MIKAGE REO:

obviously, the party’s at his house. what’s the point of having a rich teammate if you can’t exploit them for their possessions?

jokes, but reo did offer to throw it at his mansion house in the first place.

actually really likes throwing parties lmao, so he jumped at the opportunity.

posted on his snap, “party at my place su for address‼️” LOL

natural charm + raised with good manners = reo being an amazing host

but, reo does have a little group of girls following him around the entire night 👎

and it irritates the hell out of whoever reo’s trying to talk to because they’re all up on him, making it hard for reo to pay attention 😑

also doesn’t help that he entertains them and flirts back and dances with a couple of them, too

and looks good when he dances, too UGH!!!! he's the type to run his hands up and down your body while he dances with you 😣

i hate this man 👎 /j

ITOSHI RIN:

practicing. he didn’t come. sike! rin has a social life, too, come on now, y'all 🙄

talked a big game about how he wouldn’t show up then he still came anyways, like rin, what 😭??

super good at cup pong and he knows it. he keeps beating ryusei and if you look closely, rin has something reminiscent of a smirk on his face.

a foot-tapper, not a dancer, which sucks because he’s not even bad at dancing, either 👎

a couple of girls come up to rin to flirt, but rin doesn’t give them the time of day. no response or anything just a little side eye 😭

rin just talks to his friends and that’s it, really.

actually internally glad for the chance to kickback and relax for once, tbh.

but, he refuses to admit he had any semblance of fun. (he did, rin’s just a weenie 😒)

NIKO IKKI:

the team forced him to come 😭

niko’s already a homebody and he doesn’t like loud noises or large social scenes, so he wasn’t too jazzed about going somewhere where the both of those things combine.

also he's picky with music so LOL. does like that one remix to the pursuit of happiness, though

he’s a wall-stander, i hate to break it to y’all. just watched everything from a distance and didn't talk to anyone except for isagi and his friends.

bye, if you don’t get off the damn wall and dance (he'd dance with me i'm different 🥰🤗)

keeps opening and closing his phone so he looks busy but that mf is literally just going through the settings app 😭

called his mom to bring him home an hour and a half in 👎

NANASE NIJIROU:

i hate to admit it, but he’s the annoying first year that documents everything on snap bye

he’s just excited to be there but like, there is no reason for his story to be half an hour long.

i'm not watching all of that! sorry that happened to you or good for you 🤗

probably playing games like spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven. is very proud of himself for kissing four people in one night #bigmoves 🥳

stays with his group of friends and they're sooo loud and rowdy LMAOO. #firstyearthings

you can literally hear them laughing over the music, but they're having fun, so it's fine (at least of those kids hits people when they laugh too)

also dances, too! has super good energy and a natural sense of rhythm surprisingly 🥰 also a good hypeman!!!!! honestly, he's just really fun to be around tbh

overall, has a lot of fun, as you can tell by his story 😇

[randomshyperson]

The Scarlet Witch Prophecy - The Third Year

Series Masterlist ||  Read on AO3

Summary: As the youngest daughter of Howard Stark, you have ordinary expectations for your years at Hogwarts. Little do you know what adventures await you when your destiny is intertwined with the legendary Scarlet Witch.

Warnings: +16. Adaptation of the Harry Potter Saga, Magical Thematic, Prophecies, Mentions of Violence, Torture and dark magic, Language (swearing and minor/major offenses), manipulation of will, Underage kissing, insinuation of smut with minors, Smut (overage), descriptions of death, aggression, obscurity, angst, fluffy, soulmates analogies.

Chapter Words:  7.290K 

Chapter Notes: Wanda x Reader friendship is here. And more about the world history. I’m pretty sure this is the last chapter where things are easy going. Just like Harry Potter, things start to get dark during four year. Good reading to everyone, i hope you like the story so far.

Tag list ( let me know if you want to be tagged or removed idk haha) @mionemymind​ / @abimess​ / @stephanieromanoff​ / @yourtaletotell​ / @tomy5girls​ / @justagaypanicking​ / @thegayw1tch​ / @idek-5​ // @myperfectlovepoem​ // @helloalycia​ // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @imapotatao​ / @aimezvousbrahms​/ @ensorcellme​/ @helloalycia // @ichala

//-// x //-// //-// x //-//

Your list of materials is much longer in the third year.

Tony complains that you shouldn't have taken so many classes, but you are so curious to explore the areas of magic that you can't help it.

This time, Mantis meets you in the diagonal alley. You were hoping to spend some time with Gamora and Nebula as well, but once you get a glimpse of their father, you know that's not going to happen.

Thanos is a tall, muscular man, and has a permanent aggressive look on his face. He also kept his hands on the shoulders of his two daughters while they were waiting to be attended to at Flourish and Blotts. You also noticed that your friends were wearing very beautiful and remarkably expensive dark green capes, and just like their father's outfit, they had a bundle of a silver snake. That was the first time you understood what Slytherin pride meant.

"He's scary." Mantis commented softly beside you. You nodded in agreement. Groot, who was a little bigger since you saw him last year, jumped on your shoulder, sitting next to your ear. You smiled at the creature before looking forward again.

You and Mantis were standing at the entrance of store, and saw your friends through the window. You gave up the idea of complementing them when you saw their father.

"Let's restock the potions list first, Mantis." You tell her. "Then we'll buy our books."

You meet Tony again at the Leaky Cauldron after you finish. He hides something from you quickly, but you are distracted by an apple muffin flying towards you, and you don't ask.

Bucky was staying at the Leaky Cauldron because his house had a magical accident. His father said something about a persistent spell flood. Since the rest of Bucky's family were muggle, only he and his father were staying there, solving the problem while Bucky's sisters were at his aunt's house.

Since everyone needed to buy the materials for the new school year, Tony asked you to join his friends when you were done buying your stuff.

After lunch with everyone, Mantis said goodbye to you, and you returned Groot to her hands.

You led her to the exit of the bar, but as you walked back to the table, a conversation caught your attention.

"I'm telling you, they saw him in Sokovia." A bearded man whispered. He looked so nervous, you couldn't help but pay attention. The woman standing next to him, a cup of a strange liquor in her hands, rolled her eyes.

"That's miles away, Thomas." She said. "If Korvac gets anywhere near London, the ministry will send him back to Azkaban in two seconds."

"He's already escaped once, Sara." You rebut the man. 

You frown at the conversation. Walking back, you have a thoughtful frown on your face, and Tony teases you.

You get distracted by Steve's jokes about the coming year, and forget all about it.

It's only after you've packed your bag, during dinner, that you remember.

"I heard something strange today." You say casually as Tony and your father dine beside you. "Some folks in the Leaky Cauldron were talking about someone escaping from Azkaban."

Your father chokes. Tony stares at you, and ducks his head when your father looks at him angrily. Howard gaze softens when he looks at you however.

"Honey, who told you that?"

You shrug.

"No one told me dad." You reply. "I ended up overhearing two strangers talking about it. I never knew about anyone escaping from Azkaban before, it seemed important."

Tony kicks you under the table, and you frown in confusion. Your father takes a deep breath.

"Honey, listen to me carefully, will you?" He begins, and you worry at his serious tone. "There are important things going on at Daddy's work. Things that could be dangerous." He says and you look at him in surprise. "You and your brother are too young to be getting into such matters, and I hope you will trust me to keep you both safe."

"Yes, dad." Tony assures, but you remain silent. A moment later, you add: 

"Daddy, is there anything I can do to help you?"

"No honey." He says taking back his fork. 

"It's okay to tell me what's going on, I won't be scared. I can help..."

"Enough!" He exclaims angrily punching the table. You jump lightly in your chair, startled. Your father doesn't look at you. "I don't want you to hear anything about this anymore. You two are children, and it's dangerous. Have I made myself clear?"

You look at Tony, but he is glaring at the plate in front of you. 

Swallowing the urge to cry, you get up, hurrying to run to your room.

Your father calls you several times, but you don't answer. 

A few minutes after you are in your bed, he appears in your room. His posture is much gentler than before, and he kneels down beside your bed.

"Honey, hey." He calls to you. You keep your face in the pillow, and he sighs. "I'm sorry for yelling at you." He says, and with your silence, he continues. "Can you forgive me?"

It takes a few seconds, but you look at him, and nod. Howard smiles faintly.

"You and your brother are the most important things in my life." He says fondly. "And I would never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me."

"Dad, you can't control what is in the rest of the world."

Your father chuckles lightly. 

"Yeah I know." He says. "Damn, I wanted you to stay a little girl forever, so you wouldn't be so smart."

You laugh, pushing his shoulder lightly.

"You're not going to tell me what's going on, are you?" You ask and your father sighs, looking away.

"It's nothing that will affect you honey." He says. "It's just problems of the magical world. I don't want you meddling in something like that. Not at this age."

You sit down on the bed next, raising your pinky to your father.

"I swear I won't pry into such business if you promise to tell me if things get serious enough for me to know."

Her father laughs, raising his own pinky then.

"I promise, kiddo."

You both laugh as you take the oath, and your father hugs you next. When he lets go and stands up, you pull his hand away.

"Apologize to Tony, Daddy." You ask surprising him slightly. "He doesn't like it when you yell either."

Your father sighs, bending down to kiss your forehead. He asked you to go to sleep before he closed the door.

//-//

It is very cold when you arrive at Hogwarts.

But you don't care because all your friends link arms and walk together, making you laugh at the confused looks you get when the other students notice the small row.

Over dinner, your mood changes quickly however.

"I imagine it has come to the attention of many students here, especially the older ones, the recent untoward events in the magical world." Principal Harkness began during the announcement of the new school year. She had a serious and authoritative tone, and deep dark circles under her eyes. You have never seen her like this before. "But for those of you who are not aware, the dark wizard known as Korvac escaped from Azkaban a few months ago." The hall exploded into murmurs at the mention. You saw Professor Strange lock his jaw, probably disagreeing that such a topic should be broached with eleven-year-olds. "After much consideration, the Ministry of Magic thought it best to apply additional security to the castles."

"So, starting next week, we will have special guests at the Hogwarts castles; The ministry has determined that aurors and Azkaban guards will be guarding the outside of the grounds."

The crowd erupted in boos as soon as the words echoed in the hall. Your Hufflepuff colleagues remarked in horror that the dementors, the guards of Azkaban, were terrifying, and you sought your brother's gaze at the Slytherin table, but he was looking earnestly at the principal.

Agatha sighed impatiently, and the hall fell silent. She asked everyone to be careful with the guards in Azkaban, not to give them reason to fight back. And then she returned to the daily announcements as if nothing had happened.

You didn't eat very well after that.

History of Magic with Professor Okoye was one of the hardest classes in school.

You were hoping to get decent grades this year, but you were assigned to be with Peter as your pair, so you knew you would have to work for two, as your friend had no interest at all in that subject.

"Why don't you try to pay attention?" You asked slightly annoyed as you made your notes. Quill was drawing small dragons in his notebook.

"I want to be a famous Quidditch player, I don't need to know the history of the Goblin revolution for that."

You sighed, turning your attention back to the blackboard. Several minutes after class had begun, a Gryffindor student raised his hand.

"Professor Okoye, may I ask you a question?" it was Thor Odinson, and he seemed to have grown at least twenty inches over the summer. You noted that his hair was also longer when you looked back, wondering who was speaking.

"Of course, Odinson." The teacher said with a gentle smile. Thor cleared his throat as he lowered his hand, seeming to hesitate.

"Could you tell us about the Mephisto followers?"

The room fell absolutely silent at the mention of the name, and many students looked at Thor with wide eyes. The smile on Professor Okoye's face completely disappeared.

"Where did you hear that name, boy?" she asked sternly, Thor swallowed dryly.

"M-my father, ma'am." He replied. "I heard him send a bawler to the ministry quoting that name. When I asked, he told me to study the history of the wizarding world. I thought I would ask you because I couldn't find anything in the books."

The room looked at the teacher expectantly. Okoye sighed, seeming to decide whether to talk about it or not.

"Listen to me carefully please." She asked as she walked around the tables. "Some years ago long before any of you were born, there was a sorcerer who made all the wrong choices. He sought immeasurable power, and was never satisfied with his own abilities. And many other wizards believed that the quest for ultimate power was something worth dying for. When this wizard became a symbol of power and cruelty, he named himself Mephisto."

Her classmates exchanged startled looks, but the teacher continued to tell.

"The dark wizards and witches who supported this quest became known as the Followers of Mephisto, or Walkers of Death. The magical ministries around the world banded together to put an end to the group, and there was a great battle, where most of these wizards were imprisoned or killed in a duel."

"What happened to Mephisto?" Thor asks suddenly, interrupting the narration. The teacher hesitates, but then gives a reassuring smile.

"He's dead, of course." She assures.

"My mother says he was never found." Added another classmate, you think her name is Valkyrie, but you've never talked to her. Much buzz runs through the room at her utterance, and Professor Okoye twists her fingers nervously.

"When the Walkers of Death were eliminated, Mephisto lost his power." She tells seriously. "The last person who faced him is related to someone in this room actually."

Professor Okoye turns to you, and you want to sink into your chair, feeling your heart soar.

"Auror Howard Stark was the last sorcerer to fight Mephisto before his demise. Thirteen years ago." She says and you feel all the stares on you. "But that's enough from this matter for today, students. Mephisto's story is taboo in our witch community because of the thousands of lives that were lost during that period." She adds, "I hope you will be respectful about the memory of those victims, and not comment on such a thing, or mention the name of this despicable wizard again."

The teacher closes the subject after that, looking upset. You can't pay attention to the class again when she goes back to talking about the magical revolution.

//-//

"Did you knew about that?" You ask angrily when Tony looks unimpressed when you approach him in the third floor hallway, after searching all over the school for him.

He looks tired.

"Stop talking so loud, will you?" He asks looking around. "Of course I knew, I've been researching this story for months."

You frown in confusion, and Tony rolls his eyes leaning against the bookshelf next to him.

"I didn't tell you anything because you're only thirteen!" He adds nervously. "That's not children's business."

"It is my business if it involves our family!". You retort angrily. A group of students walk past you, looking at you curiously, but Tony just pretends to be admiring the trophies until they leave.

"Look, I don't really know what happened, but dad used to be an auror when mom was alive." He recounts. "And then he took on this powerful sorcerer, and mom died when you were born. He became an inventor, switched departments in the mystery, and nobody talks about this Mephisto guy nowadays."

"Do you know what this has to do with the wizard who escaped from Azkaban?" you ask with your arms crossed, Tony gives a chuckle.

"Isn't it obvious, sis?" he retorts wryly. "Korvac was Mephisto's greatest ally at that time. And he escaped from the most secure prison in the world. A lot of people think that means the walkers are getting back in business again."

"My god Tony, why didn't dad tell us any of this?" You ask worriedly and Tony laughs humorlessly, looking upset.

He straightens his posture and points to the glass on the trophy shelf that was propped up. 

"And there's more." He says. "Take a look at that."

You turn your face to stare at the objects that were stored there. Most were trophies, but there were also pictures of the Quidditch teams from previous years. Tony is pointing to one of those.

"No way." You whispered as you see it. In the caption on the board, it read "Howard Stark and Erik Lehnsherr receiving awards for their honorable service to the school." It was your father and your teacher, probably in their senior year, and they seemed both content. The magical photograph showed them hugging each other by the shoulders, huge smiles on their faces, and two golden cups in their hands. 

"Yes, little sister." Tony said also looking at the picture. "Dad and Magneto were friends in school days. I wonder what happened to Professor Lehnsherr to make him so bitter. He looks happy in that picture."

The sound of the bell announcing the next period makes you jump in fright, as you were completely distracted by the photograph in front of you.

"Let's talk about this later, Tony, I have charms now and..."

"No way, Y/N!" Tony interrupted frowning. "That's none of your business. Dad told me that you promised to stay out of it, and I agree with him. You're too young!"

"Oh and you think he'll like knowing you're investigating this whole story?" You retort and Tony sighs, looking away, "That's what I thought.

"I'm not going to get you mixed up in this story."

"Fine, I'll find out on my own, then."

"Y/n..."

"See you, Tony."

//-//

Having dementors in the castle is really scary.

It's been two weeks since classes started, and with the first Quidditch game of the year approaching, you're pretty anxious.

You didn't make much progress in your research during those days. None of the professors wanted to say anything about Mephisto's time, and you lost fifteen points when you tried to ask Professor Lehnsherr about his school days, for being a snoozer.

The only things you found out other than what Tony told you were what Gamora and Nebula shared with you. They mentioned that Thanos was particularly busy during the summer, and that they had never seen him go to the Ministry so often before. 

You also started reading the Daily Prophet, and every day they would publish something about Korvac's escape, even if it was only to say that there was no news in the case. 

When the day of the first match arrived, you ignored the strange feeling that settled on the edge of your stomach as if something bad was going to happen.

You are overjoyed when you are in the air, waiting for the match to start, and notice that all of Tony's friends, including yourself, have yellow flags in their hands to cheer you on.

Everything goes well until the end of the first half.

You noticed a bludger almost reaching your chaser team mate, Clint Barton and moved forward to defend him many meters above the stadium. Because it was raining, your visibility was very poor. You knocked the ball away, but lost sight of Clint, although you heard him shout a thank you. As you dived down again, lightning exploded beside you, and you jumped in fright, feeling your ear whistle as you became completely disoriented.

As you began to get used to your surroundings again, you felt your body become completely tense. The cloud in front of you was almost a face shape, it looked like someone with horns or maybe wearing a tiara. The image dissolved in the next second, and you felt a strange chill run through your body. Releasing the broom handle only to hug your arms, you looked down, the whole team many meters away. 

When you tried to join them, something came in your way.

Dementors must have been the scariest thing you had ever seen in your life. And there was one of them right in front of you. You widened your eyes in shock, and the creature looked straight at you.

Losing your strength quickly, you felt yourself slipping off the broom. A feeling as if you had been wrapped in a very painful spell overtook your body as you fell. 

//-//

You woke up in a jolt, and warm hands pushed you back into bed.

"Relax, kid." Your brother spoke with a smile. "I swear I'll actually forbid you to play at some point."

"What happened?" you asked confused. All of your friends and Tony's friends around your bed.

"You fell off the broom, damn it." He retorted and you rolled your eyes.

"Yeah but there was a dementor up there..."

"Yeah, everyone saw it." Tony interrupted looking annoyed. "Professor Harkness kicked everyone out of the stadium after Professor Strange conjured up the patronus."

"I have never seen Professor Strange so angry." Gamora remarked next. 

"Oh, there's something else." Natasha warned moving around the crowd to stand beside you on the bed. "Your broom fell into the Whomping Willow, and well. It' s right here."

In Nat's arms were the remains of what had once been your Nimbus 2000. You sighed in displeasure, but at least you could ask Jarvis to buy you another one.

After you were released from the nurse's office, Principal Harkness was waiting for you in the hallway. She waved for all your other colleagues to go their ways, as she escorted you to the Hufflepuff common room.

"Tell me, dear, are you feeling all right?" She asked tenderly. You nodded in agreement as you walked.

When you reached an empty hallway, she stopped walking, and touched your shoulder so that you would do the same. She knelt at your height and looked deep into your eyes.

"Tell me what you saw up there."

" Professor, I don't remember..." You started to say, but then fell silent, immediately recalling what you saw as you gaze the purple glow in front of you. It was as if your thoughts came out of your lips before you even thought to say them. "I saw an image in the clouds, it was like a horned creature or someone wearing a crown. Then the dementor reached me and I felt an immediate chill and unhappiness. I had the feeling that I was wrapped in a sensation of pain as I fell down."

The professor seemed to absorb every one of your words. She smiled then, her eyes returning to their normal color quickly, making you believe you had imagined the whole thing.

"Thank you dear." She said. "Let's keep this between us, okay?"

When you two walked back, you didn't remember any conversation at all.

//-//

Your first trip to Hogsmeade is amazing.

You buy two bags full of candy at the Honeydukes, and then you and your friends go to the Three Broomsticks, to have some buttery beer.

Quill seems to have become friends with Pietro Maximoff during Quidditch practice, because as soon as they see each other, they greet with a hug.

You ignore the feeling of nervousness that settles on the pit of your stomach when your gaze meets Wanda's.

Your friends don't mind sharing a table with the Maximoff twins, and that's how you end up sitting a few feet from Wanda, Gamora's watchful eye on you trying to understand why you're so quiet and flushed.

"Everyone is so nervous about the dementors at the castle, that I think we should try to do something fun. Like throw a party." Quill suggested to the group. Mantis looked excited.

"I think we could do something before Christmas." Gamora suggested and the group agreed.

"Does anyone have any idea where we can have this party? Quill asked." Since we are from different houses, maybe the common rooms are not a good option. I heard that the Slytherin kids don't really like the Hufflepuffs.”

Quill's teasing makes Wanda roll her eyes, but the rest of the table giggles. You look away to your cup.

"We could use some empty room on the seventh floor." Pietro suggested, and Quill gave an excited exclamation.

"This is a great idea." He said. "If the older students are going to participate, we can get some prefect to cover for us."

Quil looks at you and Mantis has to poke your shoulder for you to notice and pay attention.

"Sorry, what is it?" You ask when you notice all the looks on you.

"Can't you convince Steve Rogers to join us? He's your brother's boyfriend."

You laugh, nodding in agreement

"Okay folks, I'll try to call them all."

On the way back to the castle, after you spent the afternoon talking about the most diverse random subjects and telling jokes, you leave your hands in your pocket, because it is very cold.

Quill and Pietro start playing tag, and Wanda walks alone. You hurry up to join her.

"Hey." You greet with a smile, Wanda also has her hands in her pockets.

"Hey". She responds kindly.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes?"

"Are you asking me?" You say back with humor and Wanda laughs, looking at the floor as she walks. "I… I thought it was cool this afternoon." You confess the next moment, feeling your face get hot. "With everyone together, I say. And you and your brother, it's ... you two are nice."

"Thank you, Stark." She replies with a smile. You move your fingers inside your pocket before you speak again.

"If we're going to be friends, you can use my first name". You say and Wanda looks at you, but you keep looking forward.

"Are you sure?" She asks after a moment. You frown without understanding. "Are you sure you want to be my friend?"

You look at Wanda in surprise. But then your expression softens.

"I thought we were going to be friends last year, but you looked angry every time you saw me."

Wanda laughed lightly, looking ahead.

"Yeah, I… I'm sorry about that." She says. "It wasn't something you did. It was just a few things I heard. And I ended up thinking that you were judging me like everyone else at that school." She tells you. "It would make sense since you saw me face the troll." Wanda whispered the last part. You bit your bottom lip before speaking again.

"You could have talked to me, you know?" You say. "I kept thinking that I had done something wrong."

Wanda said nothing, and you sighed, running your hands through your hair.

"We can forget about it and be friends now, what do you think?" You then suggested a smile on your face.

Wanda looked at you, and her green eyes cause something in your stomach to sink.

"I would like that."

"Cool." You comment breathlessly.

//-//

Being friends with Wanda is so natural that it almost surprises you.

Now whenever you sit down at the Slytherin table, there are two new members in your group of friends.

Eventually you discover that it was Quidditch that build Quill and Pietro friendship, as they stopped fighting because they were spending a lot of time training together.

At the Slytherin table, you know that Pietro and Quill receive angry looks because they are from Gryffindor, but no one has the courage to say anything to you, perhaps it is the deadly stare that Wanda gives anyone who dares to look foully at her brother.

You also succeed in inviting Steve and Tony, in addition to your brother's other friends, to the party before Christmas. Steve says that you all can use the old Astronomy room on seventh-on Saturday, and that the curfew would be at ten o'clock. The news of the party ends up spreading quickly around the school, but your friends don't seem to mind that it stopped being something small just between you guys.

When the day finally comes, you wear a comfortable jeans and sweatshirt set, realizing that it is a choice of clothes much more similar to Muggle-borns than pureblood but no one seems to care.

"Hey, you took so long" remarked Gamora as soon as you went up to the seventh floor and met her at the door of the room. "Come on, everyone is already in there"

As you took some of the non-alcoholic fruit drink that Mantis helped Quill make, you looked around the room. You waved sheepishly when your eyes met Wanda's, who was coming in. She looks very beautiful in her wine red sweater, and she smiled at you, and you didn't understand why you felt your stomach flip.

Soon everyone were all together, talking animatedly on various subjects. When Quill and Pietro started doing a dance competition, you laughed so hard that your belly was aching when they were done.

//-//

You have your first Divination class that week.

Professor Heimdall was already waiting for the students while he was sitting on a kind of ivory throne in the corner of the room, which smelled of incense that made your head spin slightly. It really was a remarkably mystical and mysterious environment, even for a magic school. The illumination was limited due to long white curtains on the walls, and there were many candles scattered around the room. Mantis whispered that this kind of thing was done to increase concentration when working with this kind of magic. 

"Welcome to our first meeting on Divination, students, the most complex and unstable of magical arts." began the professor as soon as everyone was seated at the tables spread around the tower. "I must warn you that if you seek answers to your most personal questions here, you will most likely not find them. There is no stability in this subject."

Some students commented softly among themselves, but no one seemed willing to contradict the professor, his yellow eyes roaming over everyone in the room.

"Let's begin today's class with an introduction to the basics of study in divination." He warns, and with a flick of his wand, the cupboards at the back of the room open, and from there several sets of cups fly out to all the tables. Then the professor touches his wand to the teapot on the table, and it multiplies into four pairs, flying around to serve everyone.

When everyone has their cups full, Professor Heimdall goes to the small blackboard, and begins to explain how divination works. You hurry to start writing it down.

Many minutes later, when you have finished your tea, Mantis pokes your shoulder.

"Let me look at yours and you do mine?" she asks and you nod, handing her your cup. You clear your throat, looking intently at the dregs of tea in Mantis' cup.

"I don't see anything." You grumble, trying to concentrate. The powder doesn't seem to form anything. 

"Remember to check the symbols in your books." Warned Professor Heimdall aloud the next moment. You took a deep breath, running your fingers across the paper as you tried to identify the images.

"Mantis, let's switch, I don't think I'm getting anything..." You start to say softly looking at your book, when you glance at your friend however, you frown in confusion. She has her gaze glazed on your cup, one hand covering her mouth, "Mantis, what happened?"

She gasps softly, and you straighten your position as you notice a thick tear running down her cheek, feeling your heart soar with worry.

"I'm... I'm so sorry." She sighs breathlessly, dropping her cup on the table. The noise attracts everyone's attention, but Mantis is getting up the next moment, and running out of the room. You stand up, but Professor Heimdall puts his hand on your shoulder.

"Don't worry, miss Stark." He says. "It's common for those more sensitive to divination to have that kind of reaction in their first contact with the spirit world." He explains with a tender look. You don't understand why, but his voice calms you. "Go back to your activity, I will talk to your friend."

He waves to the rest of the room next, and then leaves. You sit back down, exchanging worried glances with Gamora and Nebula who are at the table in front of you. 

Your first action is to look at the cup that Mantis has thrown on the table, but the impact has broken it at the bottom, and the liquid has run down the cloth. You sigh in dissatisfaction, using your wand to clean up the mess.

When class is over, Gamora and Nebula quickly join you.

"Any idea what that was about?" Gamora asks as you walk together through the castle. 

"No, she just got a glazed look in her eyes, and then she ran off." You count. "I'll try to ask her in potions class."

"Maybe she saw some evil omen." Nebula comments, and Gamora elbows her in the stomach. "Ouch."

You frown worriedly.

"Does that mean something bad is going to happen to me?"

Gamora denies with her head, forcing a smile as if trying to reassure you.

"Bad omens can be many things, even something silly, like losing a sock in your room." She says and you leave your hands in your pockets, not feeling reassured by this information.

"Yeah, but Mantis wouldn't cry over a sock." You retort and Nebula nods in agreement, but Gamora has a serious expression.

"I'd rather think it's nothing bad." She says. "Professor Heimdall said it's normal for sensitive students to have that reaction, isn't it?" She adds and you shrug. "Maybe she's just been watching you lose a game or something, but she was so overwhelmed with having seen something, that she got emotional."

"I hope you're right." You grumble as you reach the stairs. You sigh. "See you at lunch, girls. Have a good History of Magic class."

Gamora and Nebula wave goodbye and head in the opposite direction from you after they watch the staircase move.

You hurry to avoid being late for potions.

//-//

Mantis doesn't come to the dungeon either. You poke Quill in the back as he sits down in front of you, and ask if he's seen her anywhere, but he shrugs, worried that you don't know either. You just sigh, telling him what happened in class.

"I'm glad I didn't take that subject." He says as he hears the story. "I've heard that some people learn to see the day that the other person is going to die. That's scary."

You laugh incredulously.

"That sounds like a lie."

Quil shrugs his shoulders. "That's what I heard."

You wish you could talk more, however Professor Erik entered the room the next moment, and everyone fell silent. You tried to forget about the divination class by concentrating on making your poison antidote correctly next.

//-//

You only found Mantis at lunchtime.

Or rather, she found you.

You had just come out of charm class, and she was waiting for you outside. You looked at her with surprise and concern, but she just smiled, looking much more relaxed than earlier.

"I'm sorry I disappeared." She says. "Professor Heimdall thought it best that I get some rest, and then he taught me some things about aural sensitivity."

"I don't know what that means." You comment making her smile. 

"It doesn't matter." She says. "I'm sorry for scaring you earlier."

You shake your head.

"Mantis, come on, no need to stress about it." You retort. "I was worried about you, and I'm sure it wasn't your fault." 

Mantis smiles, looking forward. You bite the inside of your cheek, finding her strangely calm and distant.

"Do you remember what you saw in my cup?" You ask hesitantly, and a small glint passes through Mantis' eyes, but then she smiles quietly, denying it.

"It was no great thing, I believe." She says. "Professor Heimdall has assured me that it must have been just a bad memory, and that there is nothing to worry about."

You frown, but something in Mantis' expression tells you that she just won't talk about it anymore. Not wanting to make your friend uncomfortable, you don't press the issue again.

//-//

It's Christmas again, and you don't go home.

This year Hogwarts is much emptier than it usually is, and you know that it's because of the dementors. 

The vast majority of the families, even those who usually leave their children at Hogwarts, have asked the students to return home. Your father briefly mentioned in his last letter how there were many requests for shift changes during the holiday period.

Tony also stayed in the castle, you knew he was planning to enter the forbidden section of the library, and he had told you to mind your own business when you asked if you could help.

Surprisingly, Gamora and Nebula returned home. It was very unusual because Thanos didn't like parties, but they promised to write to you. Mantis always returned home, so you just handed over your present before hugging her goodbye. Quill and the Maximoffs stayed with you.

"You know you're losing right?" you remarked with amusement as you were spending time with your friends in the Gryffindor communal room, a wizard chessboard in front of you. Quill let out an annoyed groan. 

"That game is harder than it looks." He grumbled looking at the pieces. " Knight move to E3 please."

The piece moved, cursing softly that Quill was making a stupid move, and you laughed.

"Can't you see her bisbe right there you idiot? "Squinted the black item, and Quill sighed in irritation.

"You want to play by yourself, do you?" He retorted, and Pietro and Wanda who were watching you two, giggled.

"Are you talking to the game, Quill?" Pietro teased as if the boy in front of him was crazy. 

After you beat Peter, it was your turn to face Pietro. He was a much better player, but he still made a lot of thoughtless moves.

Someone walked past the door, and you heard noises of footsteps, and then there was a girl joining you all.

"Hey, Monica!" Pietro greeted the girl cheerfully as soon as he saw her. The girl smiled at him. "Guys, this is Monica Rambeau, she is..."

"Professor Rambeau's daughter." Quill completes as if it is obvious. And you and Wanda smile at the girl. "Everybody knows Monica, man."

"What are you guys doing?" The girl asks curiously.

"Playing chess."

"Losing at chess, you mean right?" you tease with a smile. Pietro and Quill laugh in agreement, Wanda is distracted by the book in her hands.

"Do you want to hang out with us?" Pietro asks.

"Actually, I'm going to go outside." Monica says excitedly. "I just went in to get a coat. Darcy and I are going to make a snowman. Why don't you guys join us?"

You exchange glances with your friends. They all seem to think the same thing. And that's how you end up in the outside yards, in a snowball war.

" Back off, Pietro, I'm on your team!" You yell at the older Maximoff who has just hit you with an icy snowball to the chest. Pietro laughs.

"In war it's every man for himself!" He shouts running toward you. You laugh as you run away from him, preparing to hit Quill who is in the opposite direction.

"Hey, get down!" You heard someone shout and you turned around, obeying the order as soon as you noticed Darcy's raised arm toward you. She threw a snowball at someone behind you, and you laughed when Pietro let out an exclamation. Running toward the girl, you thanked her with a wave of your hand before running back. 

After hitting Monica and Quill twice, you ran out of Pietro's reach when he appeared at your side, laughing. Stumbling, you ended up miscalculating your speed, and knocked Wanda down next.

"That's a foul." Joked Pietro as he watched you two fall, laughing along with both of you. Before he could throw a snowball at you, Quill was back and he ran. You helped Wanda up as you apologized for knocking her down.

"One point each." She says holding the snowball at chest height. You smile, and wait for her to throw the snow at you. She laughs when she has done so gently, pushing the ball against your shoulder, the icy liquid running down your blouse making you shiver slightly. 

You pick up a snowball from the ground next, but when you look at Wanda, her face flushed with cold, and emerald eyes sparkling with amusement, you don't have the heart, and just smile wryly, making her look at you curiously.

"What is it?" she asks confused by the way you are just looking, making no mention of throwing the snow at her.

But the moment was broken next, when you all heard an animalistic noise nearby, and turned your heads with curiosity.

A few meters away was the guardian of the lands, Drax, leading a line of winged horses through the snow. You and your friends let out a chorus of excitement.

"Wow, look at the size of those horses." Pietro commented looking in the same direction. 

"They're not horses, people!" Monica exclaimed excitedly. "They're unicorns! Mom said we were going to study them next class don't you remember?"

Only when Monica said this did you squeeze your eyes shut to get a better look, and you could see the white horns in the distance. Drax waved at you from a distance when he noticed that you all were looking. He led the horses to the area where the class on Magical Creatures was usually held, and you saw that Professor Rambeau was waiting for him.

After that, it seemed to get colder. And you all decided to go inside and have some hot chocolate, as you took your friends into the kitchens. The elves were happy to serve you sweet breads and cakes, even outside of dinner time.

//-//

On Christmas morning, all of your friends, including Tony and Natasha who was Tony's only friend to stay at Hogwarts, gathered at the same table in the main hall for the gift exchange.

"Stop fussing, boy, you'll mess up the presents!" You heard Darcy complain to Quill. She and Monica were also with you because Pietro invited them. Neither of you guys minded, because they were very nice.

"I'm just trying to get a peek." Retorted Peter raising the gift package in the air out of Darcy's reach.

"It's not your gift, so you can't look!" 

You laughed at the interaction, finishing opening the package in front of you. Natasha had given you a new collection of wand care products and you loved it.

"You do need to take better care of your wand indeed." Teased Tony when he saw the gift. You laughed while waving a middle finger at him, and stood up to hug Nat in appreciation.

Most of the gifts were clothes, and candy. You bought a collection of exploding snap cards for Quill, and he was very pleased, already throwing the cards on the table to play with everyone. Pietro and Monica eventually agreed to participate, while Darcy watched them.

"That's mine right there." You said shyly to Wanda as she picked up one of the packages from the stack. "I hope you like it."

Wanda bit her lower lip in anticipation as she opened the package. And when the red scarf became visible, she fell silent, and it was your turn to be nervous.

"I know you're from Slytherin and all, but I've noticed that you really like red." You hasten to justify. "And then I saw this scarf in Hogsmeade and I remembered that day after charms class that you forgot your scarf and Pietro lent you his and so I thought it would be a good idea and..."

"I loved it." She interrupts looking at you. Her cheeks redden and a tender smile on her lips. You relax with relief immediately.

"Oh, right." You say. "Good, then."

You think you've been looking into Wanda's eyes too long, because your face is starting to heat up. But Peter gives a celebratory shout for getting the card move right, and you and Wanda look away quickly. She puts on her scarf next, and you look down at your lap to hide the silly smile that insists on escaping your lips.

//-//

When classes at Hogwarts return, the Dementors leave.

Apparently there was a big commotion in the Ministry of Magic. You hear many students commenting on this during the class break. And then there is a story in the Daily Prophet saying that Korvac was killed in combat with aurors in London, but there are also many people saying that this is a lie, and that he has run away again and the Ministry of Magic doesn't want to assume to the public.

Anyway, Headmistress Harkness removes the dementors from the castle and the atmosphere in the school improves considerably.

Nebula has a large purple mark on her left eye when she returns. Gamora tells everyone that she fell off her broomstick. You choke when she tells only you that it was Thanos who did this after he caught her snooping in his office.

"You can't tell anyone about this, okay?" She asks tearfully and you nod frantically, hugging her to calm her down. "I've never seen our father like that."

"It's okay now, Gamora." You say tightening in your embrace. "I will help you."

When you write to your father, asking what to do in a situation where the dangers are indoors, he says that Stark Mansion is big enough to accommodate your friends.

When you come home for the vacations after doing very well on your final exams, Gamora and Nebula are with you.

[gashinabts]

philophobia|(m)

Words: 7.4k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: Taehyung, a man, who swears he’ll never fall in love meets Y/N a hopeless romantic.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, pussy slapping, pussy sniffing ( lmao idk if thats a thing?), squirting, sexual intercourse, mention of homophobia. Topics of child neglecting, if this makes you uncomfortable pls don’t read :) minor character death

A/N: Taehyung is a bisexual king! Tell me what you peeps think, remember that comments motivate me to continue writing!!! This is my work, no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Kim Taehyung was born December 30, 1995 his father left him when he was 11 years old that is when Taehyung realized that love never lasts. His mother pretended that his father never existed, she quickly hid the family photos away, along with covering his tomato garden with dirt. Taehyung wanted to ask where he went but stopped wondering when he heard a few of his classmates whispering that Taehyung’s dad left them for a young woman in her twenties. 

As Taehyung grew into his teenage years he would often get asked out by his classmates, he wouldn’t decline, accepting the dates to see if he can ever fall foolishly in love like his Mom once did. However, nothing ever happened, he would kiss them goodnight but won’t call them the next day. In high school he lost his virginity at a party, he wasn’t nervous, just did things he’s seen in filthy pornorgraphy. The very next day the girl spread the rumor that Taehyung was a sex god, that he probably had sex everyday with a different people. Was that a compliment? He remembered thinking to himself as he sat in the back of the classroom, feeling people secretly stare at him. 

That day he met Jimin. Jimin was a popular boy that everyone swoon over. Of course he had a girlfriend, they have been dating since middle school. The guys would gawk at her when she would wear a sports bra to track practice. Taehyung was in art class sketching an apple, Jimin came over and talked to him as if they were friends. It was nice, Taehyung listened to Jimin complain about his art. When class was over, Jimin asked Taehyung to hang out with him after school. When Taehyung sat on Jimin’s bed, he looked over on the desk and saw a picture of Jimin and his girlfriend. Right next to it was a picture of what he assumed was Jimin’s family. A Mom, Dad, an older brother, and Jimin. He turned his gaze back to Jimin...who was undressing in front of him. Jimin’s underwear was the only thing on, Taehyung didn’t expect him to have lean muscles and define abs. An hour later  they were both breathless, exhausted from the sex. 

“ I’m not gay.” Jimin tells Taehyung as he cleans himself with a rag. 

“ Okay.” Taehyung shrugs and pulls his pants up. He’s watched gay porn and straight porn before and got turned on by both of them, so it doesn’t come to much of a surprise that he enjoyed the sex with Jimin. 

*******

Taehyung watches from afar when Jimin kisses his girlfriend in the school halls, wondering if that’s love. The next few months, Taehyung and Jimin fool around more. Jimin would call Taehyung over, then they would fuck and they would both be on their way. There were never conversations or pillow talks, until right now.

“ I’m gay.” Jimin confesses to Taehyung. 

“Cool.” Taehyung shrugs, looking for his shoes. 

“ That’s all your gonna say?” Jimin rolls his eyes grabbing his t-shirt wiping the come on his stomach. 

“ I’m bisexual, happy?” Taehyung looks at his phone and notices a missed call from his mother. He tucks his phone away, “ Why are you still with her? Your girlfriend.” He finally asks the question he’s been meaning to ask since the beginning.

“ I love her and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t love her like that.” Jimin looks at the picture of them and flips it down, almost ashamed of how much of a coward he is. “ Plus my Dad would kill me if I told him I like men.” He throws his head back looking at the ceiling not wanting to cry his eyes out. 

Taehyung thinks love is complicated, he thinks people who are in love are selfish. They rather hurt themselves for the sake of love. It’s stupid he wants to tell Jimin that but he keeps quiet until Jimin looks at him with tears eyes. “ I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s fine...you don’t have to say anything just keep me company, yeah?” 

“ Okay,” Taehyung sits back on the bed watching but not really watching tv with Jimin. 

---

Taehyung’s mom was proud of him when he got accepted to a good college, she would brag to her friends and show pictures of his acceptance letters. Along with bragging how she raised Taehyung all by herself. Taehyung didn’t mind that he was in the spotlight, whatever made his mom happy he would comply with whatever she does. He was good with numbers so he was going to major in data analysis, he really wanted to major in art but his mom laughed in his face, telling him to be realistic. 

Taehyung is now in his third year of college, wanting to just graduate already, done with the shitload of classwork and long ass lectures. Just right now he just finished his homework that took him three hours. He’s about to call it a night until Jungkook barges in his room, yelling at him to get dressed for a party. Taehyung switches his dirty hoodie with a clean hoodie, opting out grey sweatpants with jeans. He keeps his glasses on, due to his eyes being tired and not wanting to irritate them with contacts. 

Jungkook hands Taehyung a drink, there’s obscene music, blunts being handed around, and people grinding on each other. “ When’s the last time you got laid?” Jungkook asked, as he took a gulp of his beer.

“ Last week...I think.” Taehyung searches through his mental sex list, but can’t seem to remember the girls face or name. He looks around and watches a couple argue with each other. The man rolls his eyes as the woman tries not to cry, the woman ends up leaving him and going upstairs.

“ Damn, lucky. I tried to hook up with this girl and she ended up leaving me hanging. Claimed that she’s not over her boyfriend, started crying on me when I was going down on her.” Jungkook cringes, sipping more alcohol. “ Be my wingman, yeah?” 

“ Sure,” Taehyung nods. Jungkook is talking to this pretty girl, and she laughs at every joke that Jungkook makes. Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he asked him to his wingman when Jungkook can easily get a girl to bed. Jungkook nods absentmindedly when Taehyung excuses himself, he wanders around the frat house looking at people getting wasted. Once he gets tired of it he goes upstairs, hoping to find solace in an empty room. He opens a bedroom door, and notices a girl with a pencil and notebook. “ My bad-,” Taehyung is about to close the door.

You look up from your sketchpad, you see a tall man with messy curls and glasses. “ You can stay,” you observe him, he looks like he was forced to come here. There’s no red solo cup in his hand, he looks like he hasn’t a good night's rest. Also why else would he look mindlessly into rooms, the bathroom doors have a handwritten sign stating ‘BATHROOM’, so he must be bored or something searching into bedrooms. “ Or don’t. I don’t care.” You watch him close the door, entering the room.

“ Is this your room?” Taehyung looks around the room, noticing posters of naked women and marvel posters. Weird combination he notes. Along with the dirty clothes scattered all over the floor. 

“ No,” you laugh. Shutting your notebook close, taking notice of his nice hands brushing his hair back. “ My friend’s room. I didn’t really feel like partying just decided to sketch,” you lift your pad up. He nods and sits on the bed.

“ Can I draw?” Taehyung points towards the sketchpad. He hasn’t drawn in months too busy in his schoolwork, his fingers would sometimes draw on foggy windows but nothing more. You nod tearing a piece of paper out and handing him a pencil, he thanks you. 

You were sneakily glancing at him, sketching him, his angular jaw, messing hair, uneven eyelid, long eyelashes. Getting lost at his elegant features, wondering if he knows how beautiful he looks. You shake your head for easily fawning over this man. His hands are even beautiful, they travel across the paper gracefully with each stroke. You turn your eyes away when he makes eye contact with you, cheeks getting warm. “ What’s your name?” You ask while shading the contours of his cheeks.

“ Taehyung.” He folded his paper into a small square, putting it into his pocket. “ Yours?”

“ Y/N,” you smile.

---

“ Did you get laid yesterday night?” Jungkook is shirtless with scratch marks behind his back, there’s a couple of hickies on his neck.

Taehyung takes a sip of his tea before answering, “No, just talking to some girl. Her name is Y/N.” 

“ Y/N. She’s a nice girl. One time I forgot a scantron for class and she gave me one. She’s also friends with Namjoon.” Jungkook pours himself coffee sitting next to Taehyung. “ Are you interested in her?”

Taehyung would be lying if said he wasn’t interested in you. When he entered the room he thought you were pretty and had a kind smile. “ Maybe...why?” 

“ It’s best if you don’t try to get at her. Y/N looks the type to fall in love easily.” Jungkook sighs cracking his back on the back of the chair, groaning at his achy body. Taehyung wonders how can someone fall in love easily, he’s not one to believe in love at first sight or any kind of stuff in that realm. “ Alright, I’m gonna take a quick shower and then we can leave.” 

Taehyung and Jungkook are at the library studying or trying to study, Jungkook is texting someone the whole time instead of studying for his macroeconimics test. While Taehyung is playing video games on his phone. “ Hey guys! Didn’t know you actually study Jungkook,” Namjoon jokes, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook rolls his eyes pushing his hand off his head mumbling curse words at him. Taehyung looks to the side of Namjoon and notices you laughing as the scene unfolds. You’re carrying ice americanos and Jungkook immediately takes it out of the carrier, thanking you. 

You look at Taehyung placing one in front of him, “ I didn’t know what kind of coffee you liked.” Taehyung is wearing similar clothing to what he wore at the party, mostly muted green colors and his circle glasses, his hair is pushed back with a headband. He looks surprised to see you, but nevertheless thanks you for the coffee. The conversations between Jungkook and Namjoon get more serious when they finally decide to study for their materials. You try to study but you want to talk to Taehyung wanting to get to know him more, you nudge your foot against his leg. He looks up, looking at you in question, you nod your head towards the exit entrance, he nods slowly unsure to what you're up to but following your lead. Jungkook and Namjoon are too invested in their studying to see you and Taehyung leave. “ Do you wanna go to my apartment?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung shrugs. The apartment was small and kind of messy, you try to hurry up and toss some of the paintbrushes in the sink. There’s water cups filled with murky colors, and paint marks on the tables, he’s not used to a sight like this. In his apartment it is always clean and tidy, not a dirty plate in sight. “ You live by yourself?” he asked, placing his stuff on the table. 

“ Yeah, my roommate moved four months ago with her boyfriend.” You give up cleaning the mess since there’s too much to clean. “ Want some-” You are interrupted when you feel Taehyung’s lips on your, your hands push his chest flustered at the sudden kiss.

“ I-I- sorry...I must have read something wrong,” he looks embarrassed immediately backing up giving you space. “ I thought you invited me to your apartment for sex.” Taehyung notices how your eyes widen, fuck he feels like an ass, scared that he made you uncomfortable. “ I should go…” he goes to pick up his bags ready to bolt out.

“ I just wanted to talk...to get to know you better,” you speak before his hands grab the doorknob. “ We can paint and talk, if that's okay with you?” 

“ Are you sure? You don’t want me to leave?” 

“ Stay.” You go to the sink to wash your dirty brushes. 

Taehyung sits down looking at the wall, notices a canvas of a man, he has plump lips, gentle eyes, overall he is beautiful, something that seemed out of this world. Maybe it was the way it was painted that made it appear like that. “ You painted that?” Taehyung speaks shifting his gaze to you.

You look at where Taehyung was pointing at, it was the painting of your ex boyfriend, “ Yeah, that’s my ex boyfriend, Seokjin. The professor told us to paint the definition of love…,” you stare at Seokjin’s face, remembering the memories you shared. The brushes are all cleaned and you set them down, grabbing some water colors that are in the cabinet. 

“ Do you still love him?” Taehyung curiously asked, watching carefully at your reaction.

There’s a slight pain of thinking about him, truly not over his death. “ Yeah I’ll always have love for him…” 

Taehyung wants to ask more about him but doesn’t want to intrude, he doesn’t say anything else but paints. This is when Taehyung feels like he’s truly being himself painting, expressing himself without saying anything. Moments like these wish Taehyung would’ve chosen doing what he has a passion for insteading appealing to his mothers standards. 

“ Why are you a data analysis major?” The artwork he is doing is remarkable, there’s dark undertones and eerie about it but it is beautiful something that you have to keep staring at.

He chuckles, “ Because I need to eat.” You look down feeling a little insulted he must've noticed since he immediately apologizes. 

“ It’s okay. You know if you ever want to relax and paint, you can come here,” you continue painting small flowers. The first time, he smiles and nods his head.

---

5 months later

This is the third flower shop visited and he’s getting more tired with each second. “ This arrangement or this one?” You ask Taehyung, as you hold two bouquets. One was more filled with carnations and the other was filled with lilies. He gives it some thought before pointing at the carnations. “ This would be pretty to paint,” you smell it getting happy inside.

“ Finally, when can we eat...I didn't eat anything this morning,” his stomach growls at the thought of food. He’s still carrying the vases you bought at the thrift shop, you had to plead with you to not buy another antique mirror because he knows he would have to carry it to the apartment.

You gave the cashier the money, as he wraps the flowers in newspaper, turning your head you look at Taehyung, “ Why did you come with me if you were going to complain the whole time?” You laugh at his scrunched nose as you pinch it. The flowers are handed back and you thank the cashier, leaving with Taehyung.

“ Because I wanted to,” Taehyung shrugs. In your apartment he puts the flowers away as you cook him food, he always enjoys your cooking. When he was younger all he ever ate was ramen, never really ate some home cooked meals, his mother was always busy working trying to financially support the family so he never once asked his mom for dinner. Even at his own apartment he doesn’t eat Jungkook’s food since he doesn’t know how to cook either. Sometimes when he’s hungry he’ll just come to your apartment and you’ll be more than happy to cook for him.

When Taehyung enters his apartment Jungkook is watching anime, foot propped on the table and sipping some beer. “ Back from your girlfriends’ so soon?” 

“ Not my girlfriend but yeah, I left my schoolwork here so I had to come back,” he sighs. Taehyung doesn’t get mad when Jungkook teases him about you being his girlfriend, but he sometimes gets annoyed. He likes the friendship between the two of you, it’s different from any other friendships he had in the past. “ Tomorrow night the apartment is mine. This guy wants to hangout with me.”

“ Just say he wants to fuck you,” Jungkook yells as Taehyung closes his bedroom door. 

---

You meet Taehyung at the park with some bread, he hugs you and asks about your day. “ It was okay. Had lunch with my Dad, but it always ends up in some lecture. I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m fifteen or something,” you tear a piece of bread throwing it into the pond watching some ducks gobble it. You try to look at Taehyung but it hurts when you see some hickies on his neck. On the day you were about to confess your feelings to Taehyung you asked him if he ever loved someone, he laughed and said that he doesn’t believe in no such thing as love. As much as you wanted to disapprove of that idea, you couldn’t be the one to change it.

He grabs some bread, chucking some pieces out, “ What was the argument?”

You laugh thinking about your Dad’s red face, “ I invited him to my apartment, and he found the blunt we smoked together in the ashtray.”

“ Shit, I should’ve thrown it away,” Taehyung laughs too, pushing some of his hair back. 

“ Just glad he didn’t find any of my sex toys,” you cringe just thinking about it. You feel something tugging the end of your skirt, looking down you see a toddler smiling cheekily pointing at the bread. You smile, “ Here, have fun,” you hand him the rest of your bread. You watch him wobble as he runs to his mother throwing the whole slice in the water. 

“ Sex toys?” Taehyung asked once the child was out of sight. “ Like what?,” Taehyung is interested, he doesn’t know, maybe because he can’t imagine you using them. Or he wants to know how you use it. There were times when Taehyung wanted to have sex with you but he turned those urges off. He doesn’t want to give you mixed signals remembering Jungkook’s words of advice. “ Never-”

“ A dildo, vibrator, hitachi wand, or even my favorite pillow,” you trail off not thinking much until you realize who you are confessing to. “ I-I uh…”

“ How often?,” Taehyung asked quietly, not wanting any other people hearing the conversation. He shouldn’t get turned on but he is.

Something about Taehyung’s deep quiet voice is making you squeeze your thighs, “ Every night…” You're still looking at the pond, watching the ripples that are caused by the ducks swimming away. You can feel Taehyung's stare but you ignore it. The conversation switches to another topic when you talk about your school work. The sun sets and you both part ways.

The sound of tea kettle wakes you up from your concentration of you sketching, sighing you pour yourself the tea. Looking at your art, you turn it over not wanting to see Taehyung’s face right now. But fate has different plans when you hear knocking on the door, Taehyung appears, he lets himself in and is close to your face.

“ Taehyung?” You’re puzzled at his frazzled state, deeply staring into your eyes. 

“ Can I kiss you?” The words are quiet but firm. Stupidly you nod, not caring about any consequences. His hands cup your face, immediately going into the kiss. The kisses get deeper, his hands travel to your hips bringing you closer to him quickly, you lose friction from the fluffy socks you're wearing causing you to slip, immediately grabbing Taehyung as you fall backwards. His hands are quick to save himself from not falling onto you. There’s a slight pain on your tailbone but is immediately forgotten when Taehyung goes back to kissing you.

The big t-shirt you are wearing is tossed, his hands immediately fondle your breast, his lips leaving kisses on your neck, groaning as he pushes his bulge against your clothed core. “ Taehyung...let me touch you,” you moan when he bites your neck. He pulls back, pecking your lips before taking off his clothes. Your hands trail against his chest, his stomach, towards his pelvic, trying to remember every part of him. He is surprised to have you touching him like he was some marvel statue, usually his past hookups just rush into the sex. It’s very intimate and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

 Taehyung groans when you touch his dick, he’s hard and wants to be inside of you already. He comes down kissing you, his hands get rid of your panties, fingers spreading your wetness. The moans you let out are turning him on even more, he stretches you out with his fingers. He likes the way your eyes flutter, the shape of your lips tremble, along with your chest inhaling and exhaling deeply. “ You are so pretty,” he doesn’t mean to say it loudly but he does. There’s a blush that blooms on your cheeks, it reminds him of the flowers you would get to study paint.

“ Taehyung,” you moan slightly flustered at his compliment. He reaches for his pants grabbing a condom. “ You don’t want to go to the bedroom?” The floor is still cold against your back, and the last time you cleaned the floor was days ago. 

Taehyung shakes head, already putting on the condom not wanting to waste time, “ Too far,” he smiles when you laugh. He enters you feeling you clench tightly around, he moans digging his head into your neck. “ You are so tight,” he groans. “ Feels so fucking good, having you like this,” he confesses.

You moan loudly, his thick cock streching “ Oh fuck, Taehyung, please just fuck me,” your hands go to his waist urging him to move. He listens to your command, thrusting slowly trying to get deep as he can. Maybe if you can close your eyes you can pretend that he’s in love with you. He goes faster and cries at the pace he’s going, the pleasure is overwhelming, something that you can’t get with your own hands. “ I’m close already,” your hand goes to tug at his wavy hair.

“ Me too,” his voice is deeper. His hand travels down to your pussy searching for your clit and rubbing it. “ Come for me,” he says into your ear. You moan his name loudly, cumming around his cock, scratching his back. The sight of you creaming around him makes him immediately come, he searches for your lips, moaning your name in the kiss. The two of you lay in the afterglow of the sex, panting loudly his body is barely being hold up, and you laying on the hard floor.

Taehyung gets up throwing his condom away, he looks at you still laying on the floor with your eyes close, the realization of him having sex with you just popped up. He hurriedly gets dressed, then helps you get dressed, he gets shocked when you kiss him as a thank you. The next morning Taehyung wakes up early, making sure to leave quietly, not wanting to disrupt your sleep.

---

You weren’t going to lie, it kind of hurt not waking up beside Taehyung but you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. Namjoon invites you to a kick back, only inviting a few people to his house to chill and drink. You take solace on the couch, watching people get high and drunk, you weren’t in the mood to do either so you make conversation with a slightly high Hoseok. He’s in mid-discussion about Shrek being a cinematic masterpiece, when Jungkook yells from the door entrance that he has Taco Bell. Taehyung is beside him wearing all black beanie, crewneck, and sweatpants, but still looks better than half of the people here.

 You turn your gaze back to Hoseok who’s left walking towards Jungkook immediately grabbing a taco. Sighing you decide to get fresh air, staring at the tall dark buildings. “ Whatcha you doing here by yourself? It’s fucking freezing,” Taehyung speaks out closing the slider door standing by you. He takes off his vape pen inhaling it.

“ Wanted fresh air,” you shrug, still staring at the buildings. “ Hoseok left me for tacos. He was onto something, saying that Shrek is a masterpiece. Who knows maybe he’ll write his thesis about it.” Taehyung chuckles, he keeps looking at you and you finally stare at him. “ Why’d you kiss me yesterday?”

He blows out the smoke, and puts his pen away, “ Cuz I wanted to,” he shrugs not thinking much about it. 

“ Nothing else?” You arch your eyebrow.

He continues to stare into your eyes “ Nope,” he shakes his head.  

Some part of you wanted him to say that he had feelings for you but in the back of your mind you knew that wasn’t going to happen. You smile pushing his chest, “ Well that’s the last time we are ever going to do anything like that.” The both of you know that is a lie.

---

For the next couple of months you and Taehyung continue sleeping with each other.

When you are studying with Namjoon in the library, Jungkook and Taehyung spontaneously show up, causing Namjoon to groan. “ You know you love me,” Jungkook jokingly says sitting next to him. 

Taehyung sits down next to you, looking at your classwork, “ How long have you been studying,” he whispers. 

You turn to look at the time of your phone, “ Like four hours,” you sigh. He hands you a jolly rancher, you immediately put in your mouth. “ Why are you here? You texted me that you were going to take a fat ass nap?”

“ I wanted to see you, kind of missed you,” he lays his head against the table. His eyes close when you brush his soft hair. 

“ I’ll be done in forty minutes.” He lets off a quiet okay continuing to look at you doing your work. 

Taehyung wakes up to you caressing his cheek, his neck is in pain from the awkward position he slept in. “ Where did Jungkook and Namjoon go?,” he looks at the empty seats. He tries to crack his neck and watches you pack your stuff.

“ They left about twenty minutes ago,” you get up stretching your legs. “ Let’s head home. We still have left over pizza,” you groan at the pain on your lower back. 

For some odd reason Taehyung liked hearing you say home, there’s some comfort it gives him but he never says it out loud. Taehyung grabs your backpack, holding it for you as you walk towards your car. You look in the fridge for the pizza, but Taehyung has other plans when he closes the fridge door, pinning you against it kissing you feverishly, his tongue already begging for entrance. Laughing you push him away, “ What’s gotten into you?”

“ I told you...I miss you,” his hands are on your waist. He kisses you again, picking you up easily and placing you on the kitchen table. He takes off your pants and panties, and you reach for his pants but he stops you forcing you to lie completely on the table. “ Look at you, laying so pretty on the table,” he bends down kissing you on your lips before he goes down on you. 

He licks your cunt, gently prodding his tongue up and down. Your hips move frantically wanting to feel more of him. His rough hands pin your hips, and he continues with his teasing, lightly kissing your clit before touring you with his slow pace.  “ Look at your pussy, it looks like the roses you painted yesterday…,” his finger goes up and down your folds.

The words make your cheeks grow hot, “ No it doesn’t,” you get shy shaking your head. The embarrassment fills your body, for maybe shamelessly liking his compliment. You are probably never going to look at roses the same way ever again.

“ Yeah, it does Y/N, but your pussy is more pretty,” he continues to tease you. Wanting to see you get more flustered, he likes it when you do it gets him more turned on. “ I wonder if it smells like roses too,” he’s about to smell your pussy but you hold his head. He watches you cutely shake your head. 

Taehyung is filthy but it makes you get even more aroused. “ It won’t,” you whisper, wanting to cry but he shakes his kissing the inside of your thigh to try to comfort you. 

He smells your pussy and he groans, your heart thumps faster and nervous for what's about to say, “ It smells better,” he kisses your clit. His tongue keeps tracing your folds gently wanting to make you beg for more. The movement of his tongue makes you want to pull your own hair out. The pleasure is barely there but it grows within each second of his tongue flicking up and down.

“ Taehyung,” you let out desperate whine, “ please, I need more.” One of his hands slap your cunt, and your back arches surprise but even more turned on. You never knew that you were into that. The sting hurts at first but shoots up ecstasy after a nanosecond, you can’t help but seek more. “ More!” 

Taehyung lets out a dark chuckle, he gives you another slap, slightly harder on the center of your clit, the stinging making your face scrunch up but letting out a lewd moan. He groans at your wetness seeping out some of it landing on the table.

Suddenly, he is done with all the teasing, and dives in, nose touching your clit and tongue inside your entrance going in and out. Finding it extremely hot that you are riding his face, like the pillow on your bed. Taehyung vividly remembers when you showed him how you ride your pillow last week. The way you desperately let out cute whines trying so hard to relieve yourself as Taehyung only watched, wanting to see you get off without his help. 

He moves his face side to side so his nose can rub your clit. Head in the clouds, your body is floating with ecstasy wanting to stay in it forever. Your hands reach down trying to anchor yourself, Taehyung reaches for your hand holding it tight. You cry out his name loudly, coming intensely, your eyes are shut when it doesn’t seem to stop. Your body finally calms down, looking down you see Taehyung’s face is completely wet. “ Oh my god, did I-

“ Fuck, that was hot,” Taehyung wipes his face with the back his arm. He kisses your lips, he helps you from the table, handing you your panties. 

“ Let me repay you?,” you tug at his belt loop, you look down to see the bulge is gone and there’s a wet stain. Your eyes widen, “ Did you come?”

“ Yeah, you squirting on me, made me bust a nut. I swore I never came that hard either,” he sighs happily. Laughing you go towards the fridge, finally eating the cold pizza. You hand him one and he eats it in two bites. “ My mom called me today…”

Taehyung hardly talks about his family, you only know that he was raised only by his mother. He never talked bad about her but you can tell that they didn’t have a close  relationship. “ What happened?” You and Taehyung move so you're sitting on the couch.

“ She told me that my father wanted to meet up with me,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “ Told her that I don’t want to. She started crying and telling me that he’s my father...I sometimes think she’s still in love with him. She’s an idiot.” He lays his back staring at the ceiling.

“ Sometimes it’s hard to get over someone that you once loved. The one you shared your laughs, arguments, touches, memories...vanish into thin air... or you could hold onto it. Love isn’t easy...it’s messy, it’s confusing but it’s beautiful being able to share it with someone. Don’t you think?” You look at Taehyung’s side profile.

Taehyung turns his head looking at you, “ I don’t know...I will never fall in love. I don’t want to end up like my parents,” he closes his eyes.

“ Taehyung-“

He opens his eyes smiling, grabbing your hands, “ Let’s head to bed,” already over the conversation. 

---

Jungkook is cooking breakfast and almost burns his hand when a random girl walks out of Taehyung’s room. Immediately she exits their apartment, doing the walk of shame. Taehyung walks out shirtless with hickies on his chest and dishevelled hair. Jungkook clears his throat, “ Thought you were seeing Y/N,” he turns off the stove.

Taehyung grabs a glass of water, “ We are just friends,” he takes several gulps.

Jungkook scoffs rolling his eyes at his friend’s stupidity, “ Yeah, friends who have sex, hold hands, and almost spend every night together. My bad I forgot they changed the definition of ‘friends’ in the Webster dictionary.”

“ Whatever man...I'm out of here,” Taehyung leaves the kitchen going to his room. He looks at himself in the mirror, disgusted at his appearance, at the splotchy marks on his neck. Why am I like this? Taehyung leaves his apartment ignoring Jungkook, entering your apartment with his set of keys. He looks at you cooking pancakes, you look at him quickly and smiling.

“ Hey...you want some? It’s your favorite banana pancakes,” you flip the pancake. He looks at the big stack of pancakes you have on the table, you continue with the last couple of pancakes and sit down taking a couple of bites. You are consumed by the taste, not really focusing on Taehyung until he clears his throat, looking at him you notice marks on his neck. Your heart plummets, you thought the whole time the two of you have been messing around he wasn’t seeing anyone else. “ You hooked up with someone else yesterday?,” you set your utensils down.

Taehyung nods trying to look nonchalant, “ Yeah, is that a problem?” 

“ No,” you try to lie to yourself but it’s no use, your face looks the opposite of how you feel, disheartening, you can’t save face even if your life's on the line. Swallowing hard you shake your head, “ Actually, yes. It is a problem,” you sigh. “ I don’t understand you. You treat me like a lover, but then you do things like this…” you get up from the kitchen table tossing the plates in the sink, not caring that you didn’t finish the meal, “ I open my heart with you but you don’t do the same. I feel used in this relationship or whatever the hell this is,” your hands clenched tightly as you turn around and face Taehyung.

He’s now by the kitchen counter standing up, “ I told you I’m not looking for love. I’m sorry if I gave you mixed feelings but I don’t want this to end whatever we have with each other. I like how things are-”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at his words, “ Well I don’t...if you want to fuck around then do it... I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore.” The angry tears stream down your face, your hands wipe them before he could, “ Go Taehyung. I wish you the best,” his face is etched with subtle pain, turning away from him you wash the dishes not bothering to look at the sound of him leaving.

---

Three days later

Taehyung hasn’t been sleeping well, tossing and turning, giving up completely and decides to study all night long. This has been a daily occurrence since the fight with you. I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore. Taehyung groans, wanting to get the image of you out of his brain. Jungkook knocks on his door, eyes widening at the sight of him, “ You look like shit, c’mon Namjoon is having another get together.”

When Taehyung shows up to the party he watches you have a conversation with Hoseok, from a far distant, unsure how you would react if you saw him. Taehyung waits till Hoseok leaves, walking towards you as you are on your phone texting someone. He watches you jolt as he calls your name. “ Hey,” you greet him but there’s no smile or warmth like you usually greet. And he hates it, it makes him feel like a stranger.

“ About the last time, I’m sorry that we got into an argument,” Taehyung apologizes, he tucks his hands in his pockets, a nervous tick he developed when he was elementary. 

“ Ok,” you nod your head, not wanting to discuss something so private in a social setting. “ I should get going, I got a research paper to go over,” you give him one last glance and leave, not saying goodbye to anyone else.

Taehyung doesn’t like the way your back faces him, leaving him all alone with a place full of people. He pushes against people not wanting to let you go so easily, he wants to talk to you, he wants to hear you talk. He wants to lay in your bed and listen to your heart beat while you stroke his hair, letting him fall asleep in your arms. You're opening your car door, and you halt when he calls your name, you wait patiently for what he’s going to say. Please stay.  “ I-I uh...I wish you the best, Y/N” Taehyung says. He watches you give him one last small smile and drive away. 

---

Six months later

Taehyung hates visiting his mother, there’s always something unsettling when he enters his childhood home. As soon as greets his mother she comments about his weight, his slightly long wavy hair, and baggy clothes. She doesn’t ask him college, she never does. Instead he listens to her talk about her work. “ I told your father that you're in town,” she says over the sound of the faucet. Taehyung nods, handing her the dirty dishes, “ I told him you are free tomorrow, you are going to visit him at IHOP,” she leaves no room for argument. 

The sun wakes up Taehyung before his alarm does, he doesn’t really put in effort to look nice but when his mother gives him a look, he changes into something more appropriate. Maybe if Taehyung was in middle school he would be nervous meeting his father but now that he’s an adult he couldn’t care less. It takes him a while to find his father, he looks older from his adolescent years, has a few gray hairs and slightly wrinkled skin. His father stands up, and Taehyung immediately holds his hand out giving him a handshake not wanting to receive an awkward hug. His father looks surprised but compiles, awkwardly laughing and sits down taking a gulp of his hot black coffee. “ I ordered your favorite,” his father points to the triple drizzle chocolate milkshake with a red cherry on top that is set in front of Taehyung. “ How are you kiddo? You look so grown up, your mother has been feeding you well, huh?”

“ Yup.” Taehyung looks at the red cherry. 

There’s too much uncomfortable tension, and his father is letting more awkward coughs to try to fill the silence. “ Almost done with college, yeah? Just three more months, and you gotta face the real world,” his father comments.

Taehyung has been facing the real world since he was a teenager, he worked when he was in highschool to pay for college, he cooked his own dinner because his mother always came home late, he didn’t need to graduate college to find out the world was shitty. “ Yeah.”

His father tries really hard to have some sort of conversation with his son.“ You still like to paint?”

Taehyung smiles, getting reminded of you. He wonders what you are doing right now, if you are painting the canvas he bought you when you guys were friends. “ No. I mean yeah, sorta. I painted with this girl, she made me fall back in love with painting but I did something horrible to her. Now I can’t paint without thinking about her,” he sighs. 

There’s surprise etched on his father’s face, since more than a word came out of his son’s mouth. “ Seems like a very important person to you. You should talk things out with her, don’t want to lose someone like that.” 

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “ Why? You did the same thing to us.”

“ Taehyung-”

“ You really fucked me up father, I hate that you and mom made me this way. I want to love her but I’m scared...what if she ends up leaving me like you did. I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have someone steal a part of me,” Taehyung grits his teeth.

“ I-I I’m sorry Taehyung...I really am. I hate myself everyday for not visiting you, I should’ve been there for you...Your mother and I once loved each other but sometimes people fall out of love, but that doesn’t mean love is evil. Don’t give up on love because of our failed marriage, son, you deserve to be in love.”

---

One week later

“ Fuck, watch where you going asshole,” you yell at the asshole who wasn’t paying attention that made you drop all of your art supplies. He doesn’t even bother apologizing, just continues to walk with his friends. You pick up your pencils, someone helps you pick up your other materials. “ Thank-” you stop midway when your eyes are met with Taehyung. He hands you the sketchpads, you quickly put it in your bag, “ Thanks.”

“ No problem. You just got out of class?,” he asked intently looking at you.

His hair is pushed back by his headband, showing his forehead, he’s wearing his usual baggy grandpa clothes. It makes your heart flutter, but you quickly push the feeling away. “ Yeah, but I have to go back to pick up my two pieces,” you shrug. 

“ You need a hand?” He offers with a careful smile.

You contemplate, you don’t want to make two trips, “ If you’re not busy…”

He eagerly shakes his head. “ I’m not, let me help.” Taehyung follows you to the art room, and picks up the pieces easily despite it being large canvases. There’s silence when you are done putting it in your car. 

“ Thank you,” you give him a grateful smile. “ Do you need to ride home?”

Taehyung took his car to campus but he lies, he accepts your offer in hopes that you guys can talk things over. The radio is on low, and Taehyung is almost near his apartment, “ I lied I don’t need a ride,” he starts off and you let out a surprise laugh.

“ Why are you just telling me now?,” you are about two minutes from the destination. 

“ I wanted to talk to you about what happened to us-”

You sigh, not wanting to reopen bandage wounds on your heart, “ Taehyung, I’m over it-” 

His head turns to face you, “ I love you. I think I always loved you since we became friends. I was scared to tell you because it was something so new for me...I was selfish, I thought that everything we had was fine but I never took your feelings into consideration.” He’s breathing really hard because he finally confessed his heart out, something he vowed he’ll never do since he was a child. 

“ Why? Why now?,” you swallow hard, not looking at him but only the road. Scared that if you look into his eyes, you’ll get lost into them. 

“ It took me a while to come in terms with how I am feeling. Because love is messy right?,” his voice cracks.

The car is now parked in his driveway, “ Yeah, it is.” Turning to finally face him, he has little tears in his eyes that haven’t fallen. “ I still love you, Taehyung,” your hand touches his soft cheek, caressing it. Taehyung leans closer to you and you close your eyes expecting a kiss, instead he sobs against your neck. Feeling wet tears against your neck, you try to coddle him but the tight space in the car is not giving you any room to do so. “ Tae, why are you crying?,” you comb the back of his curls.

Taehyung pulls away giving you a tearful smile, “ Because for the first time in my life I know what love is.”

end.