#idk these people are my family but that doesn't mean they should treat me like i'm still 7 years olf

[the-writer-arrived]

Lonely Birthdays No More

Synopsis: in alhaitham's opinion, birthdays are like any other days, ordinary. on this year's february 11th, alhaitham starts to think it's not so bad to treat one's birthday as a special date once in a while.

Character: alhaitham.

Warnings: gender neutral!reader; established relationship; fluff with no angst *gasps*, down bad haitham is the best haitham.

A/N: something sweet for my first hubby, love you my pookie <3

A/N 2: i'm sorry i promise this is the last time i repost this fic idk why it's been giving me such a headache 😭

Birthday celebrations were something Alhaitham never quite understood the appeal of. Why would you do all that work just to commemorate the day you were born? And why make only that day special? Wouldn't it be better if people used that excitement for something productive and avoid bringing trouble to others?

But alas, not everyone (or anyone in that matter) would share this particular opinion.

It's not a secret that Alhaitham isn't the most social butterfly in all of Sumeru. Even when he was a child, he didn't have any interest in partaking in some meaningless conversations with people he had no desire to interact with, going as far as prefering to stay at home with his grandmother and be self-taught.

Knowing that, it's not surprising that he has never celebrated his birthday with anyone other than his only family. And after his grandmother passed away, the date of his birth became just another ordinary one for him.

Others may consider it sad, but Alhaitham isn't bothered by it nor does he want other people's pity. He'd much rather pass the day in peace and quiet than having to deal with strangers saying happy birthday the whole day and disrupting his work. After all, that was one of his grandmother's wishes: for him to live a peaceful life.

This year, however, he will learn that having a less peaceful day isn't as bad as he believed.

----------

Alhaitham stands at the entrance of his living room, staring at his roommate with a deadpan look. It's far too early in the morning (in the grumpy scribe's opinion) for him to deal with the blond man's sudden desire to redecorate the place.

"What's the meaning of this mess this time, Kaveh?"

"Huh? Oh, you're up already?" The architect steps down the ladder after noticing the other man's presence, leaving to Mehrak to hang the other tip of the decoration on the wall.

"As you can see, I'm putting up the decorations for the party."

"Party? What party?" Alhaitham frowns and takes a proper look around the room. Many colorful adornments fill the space, creating a festive look that seems quite out of place when compared to the rest of the house, the big 'Happy Birthday Alhaitham' on the wall giving the answer he was looking for.

Oh, right. Today is february 11th, his birthday. Is that what all this is for? Kaveh was never one to do such a thing on years prior. No matter, he should put a stop to this before it gets more troublesome.

"Kaveh, I don't--"

"Before you say that you don't want it, I should inform you that this wasn't my idea, but rather of a certain someone's lover. Surely you're not heartless enough to ignore their wish to throw you a party? One which they have been planning for weeks, mind you."

Alhaitham purses his lips, whatever it is that he was about to say being thrown out of the window. He should have known, your behavior the last few days had been quite suspicious, always hurrying from one place to another, meeting many people. You had told him it was for a project, so he didn't think much of it.

He attempts to hide the smile that wishes to bloom in his lips with a sigh. Kaveh, on the other hand, doesn't make any effort to surpress his grin, finding amusing that his roommate folds so easily at the mere mention of you.

Of course, the scribe won't let him have his fun for too long.

"What I meant to say was that I don't think the decoration is nice enough for my tastes." He walks to one of the shelves to get a rather... peculiar ornament (one of many that his roommate tried to convince him to not buy it). "I believe this would be the final touch it needs."

"Are you kidding me?! No way! This thing would throw off the whole aesthetic!"

"Oh? Surely you're not heartless enough to ignore my wishes today of all days?"

This time, it is Kaveh's turn to fall silent. Using his own words against him, how childish can he be?!

With a glare, the architect snatches the ugly statue from Alhaitham's hand while the other leaves to the kitchen with a satisfied expression.

----------

For a house that has been considered a tad too big for two people to live in, now it seems a bit too small to host a total of seven people. Fortunately, the guests are too preoccupied having fun to be bothered by it.

Cyno has managed to snag Kaveh to his team for a two vs two round of Genius Invocation TCG, the opponent pair being Tighnari and Collei. Meanwhile, Dehya and Nilou watch the intense match from the sidelines, cheering and chatting about various things.

As for Alhaitham, he's much too busy thinking about the one person that hasn't arrived to the party yet. You're the one who planned all this, there's no way you have forgotten about it.

After noticing the scribe's restlessness (something he would deny, despite his shaky leg being a dead giveaway), Nilou told him that you were finishing something important, so that must be what it is keeping you. Still, it has been some time and even the dancer has begun worrying about your whereabouts. You're not one to be this late to an event you've been so excited about.

With one last glance to the clock, Alhaitham raises from his seat, determined to find you.

"I'll be right back."

Ignoring the offers of his friends to accompany him on his search, he goes straight to the door of his house... Only to find you about to open it with your own copy of his key, a nicely wrapped box in your other arm.

You two stare at each other for a few seconds, before he huffs a complaint.

"You're late." He crosses his arms to show you he's upset, but it only makes him look adorable in your eyes, his frown being more of a pout.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." You grin apologetically.

Alhaitham can only sigh in defeat as he brings you inside, this whole situation being a reminder of the strong influence you have over him.

The party was full of life, laughther and good food the whole time.

He received many gifts, even from the Dendro Archon herself, who apologized in her letter for not being able to attend the party but still wished to show her appreciation for all that he does for the Akademiya and Sumeru as a whole.

But, if he had to pick a favorite, it would be yours: a pair of Aranara statues, carved in wood, that resemble you and him. You explained to him that the reason of your tardiness was that you were finish painting them and, considering they would be a gift for him, you had to make it perfect, which made you lose track of time. Despite your efforts, however, the statues ended up looking a bit weird, much to your dismay. Alhaitham didn't mind at all, arguing that the imperfections were what made them perfect in his eyes, not to mention that it's a gift from you, his beloved, there should have been no doubt he would like them.

As the festivities come to an end and the last guest leave with one last 'happy birthday' to him, the scribe can finally relax. As punishment for arriving late, he said you are to stay over tonight, something you were more than happy to agree with.

He finds you in the kitchen, putting away the leftover food in the fridge and finishing cleaning up. He tried to convince you to leave the mess for tomorrow, but of course you wouldn't budge, claiming that it'd be worse for the tomorrow you. Besides, everyone helped cleaning before they left, so there wasn't much to do anyway.

Alhaitham wraps his arms around you from behind and your hand goes straight to his hair, caressing his silver locks so gently that almost makes the man purr. He only allows himself to be more touchy when it's just the two of you and there's no risk of Kaveh accidentaly interrupt the moment since he has already retired for the night, feeling quite tired from waking up quite early to decorate the house.

"Did you have fun today?" You ask, enjoying the warmth of your beloved hugging you.

"I'd give a 8 out of 10, a good score for your first time being a party organizer."

"Well, that was higher than I expected. Still, what made you deduct two points?"

He takes a moment to hum in thought.

"The location is one thing. While it was nice being in the comfort of my own house, having to deal with the clean up at the end was a bit of pain. But that only takes half a point."

"Then, what was so bad that it took me a whole point and a half?" You drop the hand from his hair to turn around to look at him with a frown.

"The fact that you made me worried."

After you arrived, Nilou and Dehya pulled you to the side while Alhaitham was distracted speaking with Collei, to tell you about how your lover had been anxious for your whereabouts. (At least, that's what they thought, not noticing the man glancing at your little group from time to time, having a good guess of what they were telling you).

"I'm sorry, Haitham..."

"It's fine, what matters is that you're okay." He takes one of your hands, observing the small cuts on the skin due to you making the wood carvings, before giving it a kiss. "Thanks for party, I had fun."

He speaks quietly, as if sharing a secret for your ears only. The warmth of his kiss and words travel all the way to your heart, feeling glad that you could make your boyfriend happy on his birthday. Even so, that doesn't stop your playful side to show up.

"I've heard that earnest thanks should be given thrice, so--hmph?!"

He interrupts your cheeky words with his lips, thightening his arms around as he feel you melt under his touch.

Today, Alhaitham has learned that birthday parties were noisy, messy and quite troublesome, but also quite fun. He thinks he won't mind having another next year, the year following that and so on, as long as he has the people he cares about by his side.

thanks for reading <3 likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated <3

heart divider made by @/cafekitsune

pink alhatham banner (fluff) made by @/the-writer-arrived aka yours truly ;)

[artofhazbinhotel]

Controversial opinion: I don't like Stolas and I don't want stolitz to become a relationship

Neither of them are 100% in the right, I know that, this isn't because I love Blitz, I don't really care, but Stolas has always got on my nerves. First he makes a sex deal with a guy while he can clearly see he's running for his life and not into it. The deal is the only way Blitz can do his job, that's sexual coercion! Don't believe me? Here's the definition:

"Sexual coercion is unwanted sexual activity that happens when you are pressured, tricked, threatened, or forced in a nonphysical way. Coercion can make you think you owe sex to someone. It might be from someone who has power over you, like a teacher, landlord, or a boss."

Stolas doesn't see it this way but in the beginning of course blitz did and why wouldn't he? It doesn't matter if it was consensual, Stolas has power over him so he'd assume he owes it, he even shows this mindset in full moon where he thinks Stolas is taking the book because he wasn't satisfying him.

Stolas was constantly calling him degrading names too "my little imp" -murder family "my little impish plaything" -truth seekers "itty bitty imps like yourself" -harvest festival(? Don't remember the title) "little creatures" -looloo land. The argument is he didn't mean it as an insult and that's true, he didn't even mean the deal as manipulation, but that doesn't change how it made blitz feel, blitz isn't the type to open up to someone and say 'hey that hurts my feelings ' if stolas really liked him he should have noticed the reactions. He hates it every time, pushing away, changing the subject, you can't be that stupid. You can say stolas was raised this way and yes he was but again how is that blitz's problem? He can be treated disrespectfully because stolas has a shitty parent? So did he.

Let's not forget how he acted at Ozzie's too, when he was called out for being on a date with an imp he hid behind his menu like blitz is an embarrassment, he publicly humiliated him instead of taking up for him, hence why Ozzie and fizz are so much better, they would never. And then Stolas is all sad like "why didn't he wanna cuddle? :(" idk maybe because you reinforced he's worthless in public

And then it's revealed they haven't been doing their deal for a while because stolas feels guilty and it's about time, he should have realized forcing someone to have sex with you to do their job is wrong immediately. When he tells blitz he does it in the worst way possible, he doesn't fully explain why he's taking the book first and that makes blitz panic, and then all the sudden he's confessing his love, what did he think would happen?

They have this huge argument where people say stolas has a trauma response from yelling even though he's never flinched at Stella and wasn't afraid of her, every time she yelled or threw something he just looked dead inside instead of frightened, that's a normal response too, what I'm saying is in that moment he wasn't afraid of blitz at all and even if he was how is that blitz's fault? It was an impulsive reaction not a planned thing to play on someone's trauma

"I think so highly of you, I didn't know you thought so low of me" Stolas says crying, how? And it's not thinking low, it's thinking you think so low, "treating me like one of your little imp servants" he was?? If someone is telling you you did something that hurt them you should apologize instead of making it about yourself, save your crying for when you apologize like "oh my God i did that? I'm so sorry, i didn't mean to, I don't look down on you I promise, I didn't realize " and boom we're slightly better!

"When have I ever looked down on you?" Everything before the deal break where you suddenly try to be better without apologizing and blitz doesn't understand, and the thing about blitz abandoning him with striker, he says blitz sounds like striker, don't do that wtf, you're making someone for guilty for taking their daughter to the doctor? Not everyone is a shitty dad who uses their child as an excuse to sexually and publicity flirt with the guy you're cheating on her mom with. You do not get to make him feel guilty for sending his work to do it while he comforts his scared child

Stolas refuses to acknowledge his own faults aside from the one with the deal, there's too much damage between to be a proper relationship, they shouldn't be endgame but you just know they will be somehow

[enihk-writes]

Question, are you okay with writing about yandere? Bcs if yes, I genuinely need ur thoughts on CM as one :3

So, I've been reading the novel (ngl, the manhwa's pace is concerning) and I have begun to notice how determined and obsessive of a person he can be—per se in helping the sect to grow, killing the demon cult members, etc. How loyal and faithful he is—to the sect and his sahyung, specifically. How easily attached is he to the right person—like with the new mount hua sect, the gang ofc. And many more, JUST, like, I had the realization how much potential he has as a yandere and it got me tweaking (ofc, I do not mean to downplay CM's character just like that, he is an amazing guy with flaws, and charm, pls don't come at me)

If not, then please ignore this ask, thank you for listening to my rant <333

(!!) this is a reader self-insert discussion

nah because you got me tweaking as well like this guy has the ingredients to be a classic yandere,, i think everyone's favourite hc is that jang ilso is an extremely possessive yandere and cm is kinda like that except that he's got more "social awareness" courtesy to chung mun which makes him reel in his unsavoury behaviours...

i imagine that he's always been very protective over what he deemed as his — his family, his home, his friends and if there were anything that came along to threaten that normalcy, he would never just stand by to let it happen.

which might have lead to him being so casually cruel with the ones he deem as the "outsider" or the ones who would not help his people. i.e. the demonic cult, the sapa, the other sects and organisations that watched mount hua fall...

when a man who's already this obsessive on the daily towards his platonic relationships, can you imagine how it's going to be like when he falls in love with someone???

in my canon, cm and tb definitely fell for each other like idk abt yall but their old man yaoi was so real to me.... and cm stuck by tb's side alot even though cm never really confirmed nor denied his feelings for tb, because he kept thinking that they still had so much time left until they didn't...

(x reader) content beyond this point

in his 2nd life, he went about determined to never fall in love with anyone ever again but when he does inevitably fall for someone new, cm decided that he won't make the same mistake twice. he doesn't waste his time and lets you know right then that he likes you. whether or not you accept his confession doesn't matter — he would still treat you the same like everyone else. except that i think that he's going to be so much harder on you compared to the rest during training.

his logic here is:

train you to be the strongest you can be > higher chance of survival > can stay by his side for a much longer time

he won't be kind, he won't coddle you either and it's to the point where if you and him were together, you'd begin to wonder if he even likes you at all.

the one time you asked him to take it easy on you, that you were almost at your limit for the day... and he said no... and it pissed you off so much that all the frustration piling up quietly within your heart poured out through tears and you asked if he's ever loved you.

cm is stunned, but only for a moment before he says that he does; so stop being ridiculous and pull yourself together.

none of that soothed you so you ask him why he's so mean to you? and cm finally snapped, you're not making sense to him — he thinks that what he's doing is the best thing he could do for you, and if you can't keep up, maybe you should quit being a disciple and just live as a civilian. and because you can't fight anymore he should move you in with him. you two could play house as much as you wanted in a place that only he knew about, under his watchful eye you would never get hurt and you both would get what you both want... is this the life you are asking him to give you?

what were you supposed to say to that? if that was his way of showing his love for you, then it wasn't the type of love you'd want. you had to get away somehow... but we're talking about one of the strongest swordsman in the jiangshu... how were you?

you tried, to your credit, like a fish in a net — but cm is smart, he figures out what you need and always strives to fulfill them all, that way you can't say you're leaving him because he can't give you what you want.

in the end, you'll be so tired out that you let him do whatever he desires, much to cm's delight. the experience had taught him how to be more considerate towards his lover, and he thanks you with unwanted kisses in a show of unfiltered affection.

finally... finally you were going to stay here with him for good.

[turnstechgodhead]

ok to the anon thats talkin w me about mental eelness and bro and the "knight of time" line:

id post your entire ask but its Very Long and im struggling to answer all of it in a way that isnt fucking with my head and anxiety so im going to answer with only the character analysis stuff HERE on this post my apologies

for the record i dont even remotely know how to begin tagging this mess down here and i really think itd be better suited for my nsfw blog but yall aint asking about this on that blog which is fair take care of yourselves

JSYK it's stuff about brocal/intrusive thoughts about inc st and c s a SO kids please avert your eyes for my comfort thank YOU

i dont personally have ocd afaik but as someone who Has intrusive thoughts (actual horrifying ones that dirk, gabe and i have to beat back with a stick, not the ones kids think are intrusive thoughts today)

i definitely think that's how bro approaches raising dave; overcompensating for the accusations from his mind and cal[iborn] leading to total icing him out

okay same anon who was asking abt the “i was raising the knight of time” line. you saying “caliborn made [bro] believe that platonic affection is in fact not platonic at all and is instead sexual[the implications when bro is constantly carrying around cal with his arms around his neck btw. insane.]” is fascinating. is this based off the fact that caliborn thinks even hugging or a kiss on the cheek is “filthy?” it makes me think about ocd/bipolar disorder/misc mental illnesses and intrusive thoughts. i have bipolar and im a huge softie for kids but my intrusive thoughts sometimes try to convince me that my affection is somehow sinister.

YES very much

i need to describe to you my thoughts on brocal really quick bc i think that'll help put it in perspective and idk how else to talk about it;

heres the thing

cal is both bro's boyfriend and his fucking family okay

imagine you're a kid and you have this puppet friend that speaks to you using silly words and tells you that you should eat glass maybe :) or cut your fingers off or tear off your own head and hes the only thing thats taking care of you as a person even if hes mean

he tells you that people touching is inappropriate and vulgar and he cant believe theyre doing that in public (but its okay if we hug and cuddle you know?)

but also as you grow up this puppet starts calling you weird shit like stud or hunky or what the hell ever and maybe. youre going to kiss him

this puppet is the only thing you care about because hes the only thing that cares about you youve been with him for years and years and he talks to you and hes all that matters and now youre obsessed with him and you dont know when that happened but you have an obsessive personality anyway

youll do anything for him. (let me kill for you)

hes the only person you love because you dont love roxy this way (consuming, overwhelming, obligating to do what he wants, because he's all you have)

and well shit

if cals telling you that youre a freak for wanting to cuddle on the baby like you did that once (call it the knight it helps keep your distance) then i guess you're a fucking freak because its not even your right to treat it as family anyway; it's bigger than you. it's more than you will ever be and you need to make sure it doesn't fucking die and apparently that involves at least a little bit of affection cal please understand(what a disgusting species)

[dross-the-fish]

First of all I just really want to say I absolutely LOVE your art and specially the way you draw Erik, Leroux-Erik my beloved 😭💕

Ok ANYWAY. I saw your posts discussing about Erik and how the Phandom portray him and Raou, and I really want to point out some of my views (in the healthiest and most polite way possible!!!)

I'm not trying to deny Erik's flaws nor that I have an obvious bias since he's my favorite character ever AAAND Raoul is a character I dislike a LOT for multiple reasons lol but, I want to adress that: Erik is a person that endured multiple ways of abuse and humiliation in his life, since he was a child. He has multiple scenes of trauma response and, as you pointed out your post, acts impulsively many times and also shows clear remorse for his actions. What I think separates him from Raoul is (aside from the obvious class diference and the fact that Erik has a whole history of trauma and evidences of mental illness) the fact that Erik learns something from his selfish, self-destructive behaviour. He *had* a chance to end up with Christine if he didn't so shitty with her, and this is very impactful in the end specially because Leroux didn't treat him as a villain who deserved punishment, but as a traumatized AND completely abandoned person who fucked up pretty bad

Obviously, despite my personal beef with Raoul, I don't think he's some sort of abusive devil or any shit like that. I just think Christine would be better at her own. Forgetting Erik's flaws for a minute — Raoul *is* very manipulative, childish and uncaring towards Christine. He, unlike Erik, doesn't learn from his mistakes and presents the same behavior until the end of the story. Idk my girl Christine could be better at her own, single, following her career. The fact that Raoul was born in a rich family in the 19th century and didn't face any of the poberty or struggles that lower-classed people like Daroga, Erik and Christine had also make his character waaaay more difficult to like in my point of view. I'm NOT SAYING THAT "being rich makes you evil" (duh) nor that Erik's actions are ok, just to be clear! It just bothers me how so many people treat Raoul like a saint little puppy and Erik as a monster, like COME ON

Now, back to Erik: I'm not saying you intended to mean that, but I have a huge problem with how part of the Phandom thinks Erik had malicious intentions when approaching Christine, or that his feelings for her are fake. The "Erik knew precisely what he was doing since the start" really makes sense considering how his redemption arc went in the novel. Obviously this changes a lot in many adaptations (for example he's clearly much more self-aware and manipulative in the musical). But Leroux-Erik *genuinely* believed he was doing the right thing. Maybe he had an idea of "uuuugh maybe this is pretty bad maybe i should stop" but the self-destructive-fear-of-abandoment-everything-is-fine voice spoke louder. Let's not forget that what turned Erik into having such a violent mental breakdown was not "Christine doesn't love me and I must punish her" bullshit, it was when he heard her speaking not so many cool things about him and his appearance at his back (NOT BLAMING OR HATING HER, I love Christine, I'm talking about Erik's pov). If Erik didn't love Christine, or if he was a monster, he wouldn't feel any guilty for his actions. The most impactful thing in the ending of POTO is that Erik realized he had treated the woman he loved like trash and even still she showed him the compassion he needed

Ok ending this long ass text, I just wanted to state that I agree with a lot of your points specially how the Phandom tends to summarize everything to black and white even though most of the characters are all morally grey. I wanted people to stop dehumanizing a mentally ill abuse survivor like Erik while also stop hating on a poor woman who never asked to be put into Raoul's or Erik's bullshit lol thanks for having the patience to read, I'm really curious to know what your thoughts about this are 💕💕💕

I appreciate your courtesy, I understand where you are coming from but there are a few points i'm not sure I fully agree with. While it is fair to depict Erik as traumatized or mentally ill, I feel these are ultimately reasons for his behavior, not justifications. I agree that he is a sympathetic character and his story is a tragic one, I also agree that Erik had a great capacity for good under better circumstances. Leroux says "he had a heart that could hold empires but had to content himself with a cellar," or something to that effect and I believe that's true. But some of Erik's behavior cannot be written off as impulse or trauma response. He was still an assassin who built torture chambers and even when no longer in Persia he still had a torture chamber in his home that he made use of. He has enough agency that he can still be held responsible for all of the death and destruction he caused even as we acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy killing and feels remorse. How he deals with his remorse in particular is a bit of a sticking point for me. Erik's consistent ability to willfully "forget" what he does or completely deny the severity of his crimes is very likely a product of guilt but the presence of guilt is not a sign of virtue and after awhile it starts to feel like he is first and foremost dodging accountability. He never feels guilty enough to stop and prefers instead to alleviate his internal discomfort by emotionally distance himself from his actions. I also think it's important to acknowledge that Erik is a villainous character and he is violent with Christine. He does try terrorize her and coerce her into marrying him by threatening to kill her and everyone else. To be honest that's why I like his redemption, because he actually NEEDS to be redeemed. You can't redeem a character that never fell from grace. If we can't hold him accountable for his choices and acknowledge the full harm he did then his redemption is hollow. On the subject of Raoul, Leroux tends to write him as being kind of young and stupid and most of his boorish behavior the product of youthful impulse and the older I get the more I'm inclined to agree. This doesn't make Raoul right or even necessarily likeable but if we're giving Erik grace based on the author's sentiments towards the character we should probably give some to Raoul as well. Ultimately I feel Raoul redeems himself by proving he's willing to die for Christine. He throws himself into mortal peril to save her because he does love her. Yes, he has a lot of privilege compared to other characters and it certainly contributes to him coming off spoiled and bratty at times but at the end of the day he and Christine do love each other and he is who she chose. I'll admit I sometimes feel compelled to defend Raoul even if he's not remotely close to my favorite character just because the fandom tends to over inflate his flaws and hold him to the worst faith interpretation while making every excuse under the sun for Erik. The phandom will go to great lengths to see nuance and humanity in Erik's behavior but not in Raoul's and, while I have my own character preferences and Erik is certainly my favorite by a long shot, I try to be fair and empathetic to ALL the characters in the story, whether I actually like them or not.

[thr-333]

In other news- because tbh this other au holds more meaning in my heart (just cuz of how I relate to Donnie the most out of all of the aus), I genuinely am craving for angst with hurt/comfort for Leo Jr au.

sooo time for THOUGHTS I really am longing for moments with Leo Jr and Donnie, because...hnk- Donnie actually receiving comfort, care, patient understanding and acceptance instead of being told to suck it up or being ridiculed/treated like a ticking time bomb???? Means the world to me????? Idk- I guess my soul just aches for this version of Donnie who didn't get that safe space Leonardo's Donnie did. (i get the au is mainly Leo-centric, but for some reason this version of Don-tron ya created has somehow wormed his way into my heart and he is truly my favorite iteration in terms of aus???)

When I tell you that I felt my heart break over the silly comic where Leonardo says that Leo Jr and Casey Jr are twins, solely due to what that implies to the overall story. In a sense, Leo Jr gets to have variations of the life he would have if he hadn't been kidnapped (by all technicalities Leo Jr IS a victim of kidnapping no matter how wholesome it turned out to be). He gets to know the joys of having a twin, of being able to goof around and laugh, being understood/accepted, being able to make friends and be a kid! Meanwhile...Donnie (the one who was MEANT to have Leo as his twin) didn't get any of that. It hit hard that, even if it wasn't intentional by any means, Don was "easily replaced." (which idk if it's intentional or not, but that seems to be a reoccurring theme for the spiny softshell in this au). He'll never really have that close knit bond, not know what it's like, even if Leo Jr and him do grow close during their teenage years. Because in this reality, the "Disaster Twins" exist, Donnie's just not apart of it. Which is just another way that shows how much of a stranger the kid is to everyone who is supposed to be his family; his father, two brothers, and even the one who was at one point meant to be his twin.

That thought is sorta what led me down the rabbit hole of Leo Jr AU! Don brainrot. The kid's reality is one of neglect, extreme isolation, fear and...probably a deep well of self-hatred, loneliness, non existent self-worth, etc. (we saw how he struggled with in Rise Canon, so i can only imagine it is so much worse in this au). I can only imagine that this also impacts his ninpo and mystics later on, which probably is going to make his self-esteem take a nosedive.

Ngl if Leonardo's twin (who I'm gonna call Tello) is actually watching over his past self, it makes me wonder what he's thinking. His pov would be intriguing consider he'd be witnessing how much pain his twin's actions caused. Idk- I just- when I look at everything from this particular au, it makes me hope that Donnie is allowed to feel his big feelings without people trying to rush him. He should be allowed to be terrified, hurt, angry, etc towards Splinter and Leonardo. Neither of them deserve his forgiveness, because shit- both of them fucked up big time. They both caused complex trauma...and like- really need to face consequences. (apart of me sorta hopes Donnie DOESN'T forgive them) dakjsfsadfas sorry for rambling, not sure if any of that made sense, but I just- I have so many feelings about Donnie in the Leo Jr au, and really want to see more of him!

The sewers were a gross place to live if you asked Junior but Splinter refused to move to the hidden city. Luckily he had his portals meaning he could step into the already cleaned portion they called a home.

“Leo!” Mikey was the first to notice him. Dropping the plates on the table he was setting them vaulting over it, “You came!”

“It’s still Junior,” He reminded for the umpteenth time, “And yeah I said I would,”

Mikey collided into him for a hug. Junior gave a small wave to Raph- or Red, probably Red as the snapper wasn’t meeting his eyes while trying to hide his scowl. Splinter was setting the table in Mikeys stead, making wayyy too much eye contact as he kept staring at Junior. He was placing the plates down carelessly. The one in front of Donnie was placed down with a crack, only Junior caught his flinch.

“Great, he’s here, I saw him,” Donnie pushed away from the table in a frenzied movement, “Can I please leave now,”

“Purple your brother is here, that is more important than some computer,” Splinter snapped. No one took note of the way both Donnie and Junior cringed. 

“Nah he’s just tryna get out of showing me his lab since he promised last time,” Junior stepped forward and away from Mikey.

“I did no such thing,” Donnie scowled at him as Junior came around to his side,

“No use backing out now Dee,” Junior grinned, shuffling towards Donnie so the softshell backed away. Kind of like herding a very liable to bite sheep, “I’m expecting the grand tour, don't wait up everyone! “

But dinner…” Junior pretended he didn’t hear Mikey as he walked Donnie towards his room office lab space.

It was empty, with sections obviously organized out to put things there but with not enough actual stuff to do it. Donnie held himself like a tightly drawn string as they walked in. Not looking at Junior as the red slider circled around to the other's bed.

“What did you want to see?” Donnie asked tiredly as Junior came up behind him, “Most of my stuff is at the old place, or the other old place, or-”

Donnie was cut off by the blanket being draped over his head like a tablecloth.

“Nothing much,” Junior shrugged stepping away as Donnie went very still under the blanket, “Just had to get out of there, think I might sit quietly against a wall for the next half hour, not say anything, not do anything, you know how it is,”

Junior slid down the wall. He would have to go back eventually, or the others would break down the door and pull them both back to dinner. He estimated he had about thirty six minutes before that happened and that he could convince them to leave Donnie be. He’d say he asked if the softshell could make something for him. Something big so Donnie would have an excuse to disappear for the next week or so. They tended not to bother the other turtle as much if they thought he was doing stuff for the yokai.

The blanket shuffled, bunching up on the ground as Donnie sat near him. Only just within arms reach. He was covered head to toe, curled up and completely silent. Junior occupied himself trying to come up with a believable project. Maybe a new mask? That way he could wear his old one and the others would never know, it’s not like Splinter ever let them follow Junior to the battle nexus.

The blanket shifted but Donnie didn’t emerge. A hand poked out the bottom, listing up the cloth and bunching it up while still keeping the soft shell hidden. Junior reached his hand out halfway. Donnie couldn't see it but paused when his searching hand brushed up against it. Junior kept still, waiting, not minding one way or the other.

Donnie held his fingers, squeezing lightly. Junior squeezed back, not taking Donnie’s whole hand but meeting him where he was. It was pleasant, it was quiet. The noise from the others blocked off. A little bubble away from everything where they could just be. 

Junior thought growing up in the sewers may have not been all bad… if he got to do it with Donnie.

[burningdreambanana]

My problem with Alicent Hightower on HOTD

I'm team green but I have to admit I have a hard time with show Alicent and I honestly think it's because she's just not a well-written character. I mean I was rewatching HOTD and sometimes she doesn't like her own character, but more a foil to Rhaenyra. It also feels like she's the product of different writers who had different ideas about who she should be and never really agreed.

First of all, I think that Alicent's support for Rhaenyra as heir should have been changed the minute Aegon was born, as he immediately became a dangerous challenge that Rhaenyra would be forced to deal with. The show treats this issue as if it's a 20th succession story about who's going to take daddy's place as CEO or whatever but it's not, for Alicent to be so chill about it and act like Otto is making stuff up without basis is just wrong and anachronistic.

Secondly the reason Alicent turns against Rhaenyra feels weird and contrived to me. Like I can understand her being upset that Rhaenyra semi-lied about her sex life (not even a full lie since Alicent doesn't know she lied about not going to a brothel with Daemon but she did imply she was a virgin which wasn't true) and not wanting to talk to her anymore but to declare war???? And suddenly in ep6 she despises Rhaenyra and thinks she's going to kill her sons. Idk that's kind wild to me that she went there from a semi-lie, but was still ride or die for Rhaenyra after her son was born and Rhaenyra gave her the cold shoulder for years. I know there's been a time skip but it's not an excuse not to explain why a character became the way they are.

Thirdly, Alicent from ep8-9 feels like a completely different character than in ep6-7 and it's not explained by any logical turn of events. At the end of ep7, Alicent had the confirmation that Rhaenyra and Viserys couldn't care less about her children, Rhaenya saw her little brother maimed for life and asked that he be "sharply questioned" (which btw is supposed to be a medieval euphemism for torture), she lets people believed she murdered Laenor to create fear and married Daemon, who despises Otto. In ep8 they show up at court after 6 years of absence, accuse her of poisoning Viserys (when she's the one who stayed to take care of him), and make Viserys drag his dying corpse to the throne room so he could solve issues created by Rhaenyra's own stupid mistakes. Daemon proceeds to murder Vaemond without a warning or a trial for saying the exact same thing that Alicent, Aemond and Aegon have said many times. Logically, Alicent should be terrified and more determined than ever to put Aegon on the throne for her family's safety. But no, Rhaenyra makes a half-assed apology that doesn't even acknowledges Aemond's eye, doesn't involve a genuine gesture towards her brothers to show that she will keep them safe and Alicent is like you know? you're forgiven ! What I am angry about anyway? You'll make a great queen ! Like what happened? And then because the war still has to happen with the stupid misunderstanding that makes Alicent look really delusional and stupid. Also in ep6 and even at the beginning of ep8 she was plotting to put Aegon on the throne so why is she out of the loop at the Green council? It's just sad, no one has respect for the poor lady except maybe her sons and Cole. Anyway I think her character deserved way better. Personnally I would have keep the safety of her children as her motivation but also a more personal act where she realizes she spent her life catering to Viserys and Rhaenyra who walked all over her and gave her nothing in return, and decided to put Aegon on the throne to finally be free and have power through him.

[scandalouslamb]

abyssal!!! from your reblog, I wanted to know: what is your interpretation of clemmie? :D

Okay, so I talked about my interpretation of Clemmie a little over here where I described why I lowkey ship my interpretation of Clemmie and Lyssie (I think you've mentioned wanting to read my oc fic, Close Your Eyes, so I suppose I should warn you that there are spoilers for that in the previously linked post).

Anyway, I'm more of a Clemensia did join the Rebellion but more as a once she can extrapolate her own suffering at Gaul's hands as a wider issue of the Capitol. They let her get away with that, and she'd want revenge even subconsciously.

I think that once she starts going down the path of rebellion against the Capitol, she will start to emphasize more with the Districts (this happens faster in my fic because of bonding with Lyssie reasons but if that doesn't happen, I think she could get there independently), but at some level, there will always be revenge on her mind.

I really love you and Lily pointing out that Clemensia isn't just one-dimensionally nice! I've always thought that Clemensia is obviously nice and pleasant to her friends, but in my head, she would have a vindictive side.

I think a lot of people excuse Clemensia's behavior after the snake bite as just a consequence of the venom or the circumstance (not you or anyone specifically, I'm talking generally as I never see it addressed), and while it is definitely a consequence of the situation. It's not easy having one of your close friends seemingly turn his back on you while you suffer through something like this alone, and everyone who is treating you is in on the coverup.

It's obviously not her at her best, but I do think that the vindictiveness that this event has activated won't go away. To me, her behavior to Coriolanus and Reaper after she's released from the hospital is her lashing out. In my mind, her refusal to feed Reaper is actually directly linked to her lashing out at Coriolanus, but since, Coriolanus isn't really a viable target for her rage in this public setting and seeing he is also a Capitolite, she subconsciously (or consciously we don't know) takes her anger out on Reaper by not even trying to send him food (Ch. 18) and isn't it interesting that once she and Coriolanus have their unspoken moment of forgiveness with the soap (Ch. 20), she becomes more concerned about getting food for Reaper? She states:

“A lot of good it will do me,” Clemensia murmured to Coriolanus. “He doesn’t trust me enough to eat anything I send.”

She's known Coriolanus for years. She can reason away him not going against Gaul (for now. idk after he starts apprenticing under her), because what can he really do? She asks. I think that once she starts stewing on matters, she could very well redirect her anger to Gaul and eventually the Capitol as a whole.

Also, for people who haven't read the other post, the privilege that Anon is referring to is: her popularity, her affluent family (in my other post, I was comparing her to Lyssie. contrasting Clem's dad being a politician while Lyssie's parents being doctors), and being close to Snow (I think he would have a small blindspot for Clemmie and Festus. Not that it would mean much in the end but... it's a small smokescreen).

Furthermore, Clemensia is nice and pleasant, but it's interesting that she's not one of the people Coriolanus invites to Sejanus' posthumous birthday party in the Epilogue. I think she does enforce the Capitol-District divide, but there's some empathy there. She's able to put herself in the shoes of people from the District when she states that the tributes might be made into Avoxes if the Games are cancelled, and then saying that it would be what she would prefer over death (Ch. 6). I don't think most Capitolites would outloud compare their own opinions to those of the Tributes (it feels like a small admittance to a certain level of equality). I think in tbosas, Clemensia's empathy for the Districts is just a seed, but again, it can grow.

Also Clemensia and Coriolanus as potential foils in how they react to the snake bite incident would be interesting to explore. Both of them coming to the same conclusion about them being seen as expendable by the Capitol at large, but potentially doing different things about it. Also the irony of someone named Clemensia leaning into revenge is fun to think about for me (although I think that again she probably starts empathizing with the Districts at some point). I think it would be fun if she never truly grapples with how her want for revenge against the Capitol affects her decisions. I like that to everyone around her, she says she's doing the right thing, but deep down, she knows it not completely altruistic which is the main cause of conflict in my ideal clemmie/lyssie ship. she knows that lyssie is so good and yet.. okay, i'll stop

(there could also be something cool about Clemensia potentially wielding forgiveness like a weapon in the same way the virtue/goddess Clementia was wielded by Julius Caesar to weaken his enemies' standing as enemy's allies were more willing to surrender to Caesar due to his rep for clemency. something about Coriolanus finding absolution in Gaul's ideology but Clemensia somehow finding a way to use his guilt for the snakes against him years later or her getting info from the dead men walking that fell out of Snow's favor through pedaling her own absolution. "You can make a difference. Tell me his secrets.")

...

Thanks for the ask, Eddie and anon! Obligatory, I hope this makes sense! Feel free to ask more questions or clarifications! I've been typing this on and off, so it might be disjointed idk

[pianocat939]

I was wondering what your head canons for “the turtle kidnapping the reader platonically but then developing feelings for them while they are being kept by the turtles.” It would make the most sense in a yandere setting obviously. But like would it affect how the turtles treat the reader compared to if the feelings developed normally.

Btw love your writing!!

I am not 100% sure if I understood this correctly, but I think I did. If it isn't please do ask again.

Thank you. 99% of my writing is done at midnight with little to no sense of direction so if you think it's great then I'll take it.

Tw: brief mention of manipulation, trauma (it's Raph), obsessive glorification, isolation, possessive characteristics

So from what I understand, you're asking: How would the turtles treat MC differently as yanderes after developing feelings?

In the post you referenced, I did only do a platonic reaction so I suppose this can be considered the romantic version of it (because that's what you asked for right???)

I would say the most noticeable changes in behaviour when it goes from platonic to romantic are Leo and Donnie. Raph and Mikey just tend to be much more prone to physical affection as well as needing more of your presence.

Leo:

I think the easiest way to describe this is his behaviour becomes more extreme and maybe even introduces a new characteristic: possessive.

Now I might've put in this possessiveness with my platonic works before, but romantically speaking, he will more likely be possessive rather than the times he's platonically obsessed with you.

Sure he might ramp up his manipulation and try to be more useful to you but nothing is more prominent than how easily jealous he gets when anyone else tries to take you away from him (on some occasions even his family).

He'll hold you close, a certain madness in his eyes, and assertively states, "No one can take you away from me" or "I'm the only one you should rely on".

He isn't saying such things to intimidate you, he means them with his entire heart. If someone tries to intervene, he's going to kill them. If you rely on other people more, he'll isolate you so only he can take care of you.

Donnie:

Like Leo, I think another characteristic will be introduced as well: clingy. Now when I say clingy, I don't mean physical affection clingy, I mean "spending time with you every moment" clingy.

He wants to spend every waking moment in the same room as you, to not only ensure your safety but so he can satiate the unease he feels when he's not with you (he has separation anxiety but again wouldn't admit it). The fact he's close with you is a lot to say, but harbouring romantic feelings is a whole new level.

Whenever there are moments he's not near you, he feels like hiding in his shell sometimes. It's like an itch you can't scratch so it stresses him out. He's not like Raph who literally goes on a rampage or starts crying, but he definitely got the annoyance.

The reason this clinginess develops is 1. romantic feelings and overall closeness 2. he covers it up with the excuse of "keeping you safe"

He may be more attached to you, but that doesn't mean he's going to willingly admit his true feelings (unless he feels the time is right)

Raph:

As I said before, Mikey and Raph don't change too much.

I think Raphie tends to be more open with his feelings instead of hiding them away. He won't cover it up with some excuse from the interference of his eldest sibling syndrome.

I suppose he might want to keep you safe but even then I think it's a mindset that he gained from his syndrome.

(I apologize for the lack of ideas. I really can't see any difference)

Mikey:

Maybe more prone to physical affection. Like pecks and nuzzles. He's more confident doing such things.

You know how he's like the "cult member" of the brothers? (Not in the show obviously, I mean with my writings). He's more meticulous with his details on romantic gestures.

Shrine maybe? Takes more intimate things like idk, shirts, and jackets.

(I'm struggling help)

So here are some basic ideas on how they would react.

——————————————————

Need to sleep.

- Celina

[roobylavender]

i love ur critiques. what are 1 or 2 things per bat character (whether irt their fans, character, or comics) that you dont like?

(or if not every bat then just those u want <33)

thank you for the compliment! i'll do fan criticisms since that's always more fun

bruce

idk if it's an outright dislike but i feel like bruce fans who get up in arms about him killing simply do not take the time to understand his moral code across the span of his narrative.. bruce should never intentionally attempt to murder unless driven to absolute extremes and the few issues in which this idea was explored by mike w. barr the ultimate outcome was meant to demonstrate why bruce should never intentionally attempt to murder (e.g., in son of the demon his murder of qayin effectively amounts to nothing and leaves him bereft of talia's companionship and the start of their family together; in batman: full circle if he went through with the murder of the reaper another child would be left orphaned and that is not a reality bruce wants to facilitate). they are character studies and should be treated as such! however alternatively i do not think bruce has as concrete feelings about unintentional murder. if he's in a chaotic situation and he has to choose between saving a civilian and saving a supervillain, he will choose the civilian, and that's okay! sometimes you have to prioritize! and dick and cass are there to feel guilty for not being able to save everyone lol

dick

i am constantly confused with dick fans' simultaneous frustration over his permanent removal to batman editorial (valid, correct, etc.) and their desire to frame him as the omnipresent big brother figure to everyone in the bat family. like.. are these not contradictory to each other lmao. i've discussed it before but it feels like many of them want to combat the idea that he's a bad big brother even though he was realistically under no obligation to do anything for bruce's other wards/adoptees like mans had already left the house! he did not have a relationship with those kids and he doesn't have to. it doesn't make me think lesser of him at all

every dick fan should be required to read up on wally and garth outside of teen titans comics before even daring to speak on either of them idgaf

jason

i'm gna skip him because i feel like 70% of my account is dedicated to discussing what i don't like about most jason fans

tim

admittedly i have less context to clarify this confusion because my reading stops abruptly in like 2002 but i'm very confused with tim fans' simultaneous positioning of him as this boy scout representation of why batman will always need a robin! and their complete indulgence in his emo boy era. i still haven't read said emo era because again [see above] but i feel like a lonely place of dying can very clearly be read as the start to a tragedy because it's insane for any thirteen year old to think he has to be the one to make sure gotham's vigilante apparatus remains functioning. reading robin (1993) is jarring in the most effective way possible because it's these moments of tim trying to lead a normal, trivial, everyday life juxtaposed against moments where he's in an outright terror zone or seconds away from beating a man to death or throwing a temper tantrum because bruce didn't respect his privacy even though it was in the interest of reassuring stephanie that tim was okay. tim unfortunately comes from a place of privilege and is not in any sense emotionally equipped to deal with what he gets into and i don't know how people think that starts with jack's death in identity crisis and not years prior with the beginning of his stint

to the above end, i truly don't care about the debate over tim's various secret identities and out of all of the bat kids i think he is the one most desperately in need of permanent retirement. let him indulge his stalker tendencies and photography talents per some other means (investigative journalism) before he goes insane

stephanie

i'm sure batgirl (2009) is a cute book or whatever (aside from its characterization of damian..) but i'm never going to read it and the idea that the spoiler identity wasn't sufficient to explore stephanie as a character is just.. eternally stupid to me. like obv most people acknowledge that the decision to make her into robin was one intended to set her up for failure but i also don't know why she ever needed to become batgirl later on. spoiler is not an identity adjacent to the red hood wherein stephanie is using it as a crutch to deter herself from achieving closure with her trauma and the only reason editorial made her ditch it is because they hate anyone not fitting into the robin-batgirl dichotomy

do steph fans like timst*ph? idk. i'm anti romantic timst*ph but i like the idea of them remaining besties provided tim works through his plethora of issues and biases

damian

in the tim vs. damian debate i am squarely on tim's side lol.. if i was a fifteen year old who witnessed my dad, best friend, and girlfriend violently die within the span of like a year and then saw the one thing to which i had clung for the past three years of my life like a psychological lifeline ripped away from me for the sake of a random kid with severe attitude issues i too would develop into the most caustic teenager known to man. obv editorial racism has its part to play in this but i'm annoyed that people constantly opt to dogpile on tim and not the writers because frankly tim's reaction to the circumstances is completely predicated

i'm not interested in dialoguing with damian fans who want to maintain any part of talia's (and by extension bruce's) abusive parenting in canon. i don't care how crucial it is to his character origins and development. that's not my concern and new 52 should have wiped him out of existence or rebooted his character entirely from scratch if they wanted me to care

alfred

does this man even have fans

barbara

i'm never going to understand dickb*bs like not even from a ship war or dick is an asshole perspective i just genuinely don't think barbara would ever have given him the time of day in that regard. he was a kid she knew once who maybe had a crush on her at one point before he moved away to another city and developed his own life there. why should she care about that. as if she doesn't have her own life! i know barbara has not been afforded many options in terms of romance and that dick has been the overarching love interest she's portrayed alongside but idk i don't think we have to make concessions merely because something is canon. canon can suck and we can reject it because it sucks even if it's omnipresent

the brub*bs versus dickb*bs situation is kind of funny to me because like yes the execution of these relationships in the timmverse is obv horrid and gag inducing but also as i recall in the comics barbara originally did have a crush on the batman or she was at least fascinated by him lol.. like i don't support it obv and her crush on him was as much fleeting and childish as was dick's crush on her and i faaaaar prefer bruce and barbara's bestieship. but it's funny to me that people would ship one and condemn the other like pot meet kettle lol

standard disclaimer that i can't do cass and duke bc idk enough about either of them 😔

[madara-fate]

I haven't been in this fandom for years now, and i wanted to check out this again and wow, is still the same. I feel like, is okay if people don't like sasusaku, i can even see why (everything was wrapped very quickly at the end). But to say that real sasuke fans shouldn't support sasusaku, or that if you really love sasuke you should hate sakura is a reach. I understand if people think he was wronged by the narrative and he deserved better, but this fandom treats sakura worse than the villains. If sakura was really a bad person, sasuke would have just .... choose someone else. She was just in love with a boy who was really traumatized and in pain. She wanted the best for him, is not a big deal. Is sakura a flawed character? Yes, she is. But so is sasuke and i still love him because i can empathize with him and see how much he was suffering. They both have a lot of good and bad things. I also can understand if people don't like sakura, but why is her hate always about sasuke? "she should have moved on", "she abused him", "she doesn't deserve him". Like, why is bad loving someone.. everyone in naruto is allowed to not move on from someone, but she has to. For her character to be better, she needs to stop loving sasuke. The hate that sasuke get is from people who pretend they care/like sakura too. Like, is okay if people don't like the canon couples, that's totally fine. I'm not a fan with a lot of things after 699 either. But, the fact that a lot of people think that you can't be a real fan of a character because he ended up with someone you don't like is ridiculous. SS couldn't have happened and i wouldn't care, sasuke would still be happy with other person and i would be happy for him. That's all I ever wanted for him. Same with sakura. Can they just let it go? More than 10 years and fans have made it all about shipping. that's.... the only thing they care about. There's so much more about sasuke and sakura than them being a couple. I like them both, a lot, they are my favorite characters and I enjoy their dynamic, but seeing how people treats them makes me feel like staying away from this fandom was a good decision... sasuke and sakura relationship is actually wholesome... I don't understand why everyone is so obsessed with making them seem like they are miserable with each other? Is because they think they would have chosen someone better for them? As if sasuke and sakura didn't have other options , they just didn't want to.... idk i feel like people take this shipping stuff too serious. sasuke having a family again is nice :/ even sasuke fans trash him, "bad father", "bad husband", like damn, i thought yall liked him?, is really sad. Also, is like, they hate sakura so much they don't care if they also end up trashing sasuke in the way of it. Just because he is with someone they didn't want to doesn't mean he is unhappy , how miserable are they? The fact that sakura extremists have this same mindset and is because she just... didn't love naruto back? She didn't do what they wanted for her? That Kishimoto didn't make her say: "i'm going to beat sasuke up! i'm not the same anymore!" or some cringe girl boss shit?, as if sakura would ever do something like that to him. Some sakura fans dont even understand her character, they just use her for ships and sadly they don't understand sasuke either. And he is only a prize (this happens with every sasuke ship tbh). But is funny because... sakura also is a prize for a lot of shippers that hate sasuke. SS gets in the way of so many people.... maybe that's why they are so hated. man, sorry for the ranting but since 2014 they are on the same discourse.... like damn, this naruto shit was really serious after all lol ..After seeing all this i still don't think i could ever hate SS anyways... is the antis and their fans that actually suck.

A long rant, but yeah I can certainly see your points.

[monstersinthecosmos]

god what voltron episode(s) should i rewatch. and what to look out for

sdjgklasd gosh idk recently I've rewatched the second half of S2 a few times, from the BOM Trial to Shiro's disappearance because I want to like really nail down the timeline and make it make sense. I am also just studying Keith like he's a bug.

Full disclosure that I actually haven't watched the entire series all the way through except for the first time, I mostly just watch The Sheith Movie, but sometimes I wanna zoom out and see the bigger context of the episode, or see some of the Keith scenes that The Sheith Movie didn't include. Like Hunk & Keith's mission for scaultrite in the next episode and the fallout between Allura and Keith when she realizes he's part Galra and starts treating him like shit!

I love watching the way he gets frustrated by everyone making a big deal about it, especially after the emotional climax of the Trial was him accepting himself and deciding he knows who he is--it leads him to learn something HUGE about himself, but he stays steadfast in "I'm still me" afterwards, and doesn't want anyone to make a big deal about it. Like, Hunk is teasing him a little but still friendly and still accepts him, but Keith doesn't even want to talk about it, vs Allura who sort of affirms all his fears by judging him and icing him out.

And even after all that, leading into their big fight with Zarkon, they know this could be it, that if they succeed the war could be over, and he thinks it might be a good time to go find his family. There's something, HMM!, kinda twisty & crunchy about this concept to me, about KNOWLEDGE OR DEATH, and kinda feels a little bit DBT-ish to me, sort of radical acceptance, realizing his sense of self and learning to be okay with it, but also open to the quest for knowledge. Like "I am me, for all the faults and bullshit and trauma, my dad died and I never knew my mom and Shiro saved me" IS A COMPLETE PACKAGE, that's who Keith is! He accepts it! It's no longer "I don't know who I am because people abandoned me and I can't be myself unless I can find this nebulous external validation." So anyway. Yes, he's Keith, he's himself, this is it, YOLO, whatever, but. He is still open to the knowledge of finding his family.

The BOM Trial episode is really so so good though. It's like such an incredible battle for him to accept his identity and the truth of his lived experience, all the while TRIANGULATED BETWEEN HIS THREE FATHER FIGURES, i mean is it an accident that he passes out in the penis hallway?

(last time I raved about this, I had to look it up to grab the picture LOL)

also SOMETHING SOMETHING Shiro fully connecting with the idea that Zarkon used to be the Black Paladin and how really facing his trauma and accepting it head on GETS HIM KILLED. lmao i have to lie down.

[theladyofbloodshed]

my memory is shit and it has been a time since i last read acomaf, but when tamlin locked feyre, he was wrong, yes. But the fact that feyre didn't want to hear him and was constantly tring to put herself in risk of physical harm (like, she was too skinny and sick, had no trainning in self defense and no one new yet that she had power) and she already has a history of not listening safety warnings and going to dangerous places anyway (like in the camalai, she went there as human, two times i think, and left her room at night insteaf of locking the door as anyone with a drop of sense would do in this situation) wouldn't make his actions understandable? (Not justified bc i still think it was wrong, like, when i imagine myself in his shoes i honestly not sure what i would do with a person like feyre bc she doesn't listen. I think I would put 3 bodyguards to take around in a city maybe? Or if the situation was too bad to at least let a space around the manor so she can walk around? I really idk...)

And when we compare it to acosf, nesta wasn't putting herself in risk physical harm, she was simple having sex, she was starving herself, yes but she was drinking so even as it wasn't the ideal, it kept her from completely starving. And the reason she was locked in the house of wind (or indirectly locked but still locked, since no one would take her out of there and she was too weak) was bc the ic felt shame of her.

What i mean is, when comparing both situations:

Feyre was locked bc she constantly doesn't listen to safety warnings.

Nesta was locked bc ic was ashammed of her.

And Tamlin is saw as the devil who did the worst thing in this situation, while what was done to Nesta is justified, when from a logical point of view what Tamlin did is easier to understand when you look at the danger feyre would put herself in, while what was done to nesta was purely bc she didn't do what was expected of her.

Many people really don't look at the situation from Tamlin's POV. Feyre didn't follow his warnings multiple times as a human and needed rescuing multiple times. He sent her away. She came back. She endured hell at Rhys' hands and then Amarantha killed her. Rhys has a magical deal where he will steal her a week every month and hasn't come to collect. Rhys - his worst enemy - hasn't come to collect Feyre, but why???

Tamlin is already paranoid at this point, but his manor should now be safe thanks to the magic returning. It is likely the one place he can keep Feyre safe from Rhys and all other threats. For him, keeping her in that house was about keeping her safe from Rhys/the Attor/other threats.

He was also not in a place where he could offer her stability or help because he needed help too. He suffered for 50 years, but prior to that we even know from Rhys that Tamlin's family is worse than "Beron's brood".

What Tamlin did was not right, but for him that was the only option he could see that would keep Feyre safe in a court where he had few sentries.

I saw a post on reddit the other day that annoyed me because it was talking about a sex scene at the beginning of ACOMAF and how it sealed the deal that they wouldn't be endgame, but Feyre was the one who kept initiating sex with him. Tamlin was often at the bottom of the bed in his beast form, not sleeping. He was not mentally okay either.

With Nesta, all of the IC (except maybe Elain) are mentally stable (okay and maybe azriel). They are all in a place where they can offer support and it not be detrimental to their own wellbeing. The issue we have with the IC is that - Amren washed her hands of Nesta - Rhys doesn't like Nesta - Mor doesn't like Nesta - Cassian only wants to sleep with Nesta

Which leaves Azriel as the only neutral member of the IC to help Nesta*

The moment they met any resistance from Nesta, it was treated as her being difficult. Not that she was somebody in pain. She wasn't ever offered the same love that Feyre was offered when she first came to Velaris. Nobody ever tried to be her friend before they became her jailor. Would it have been so difficult to have just gone to a tavern with her and open up that channel of conversation?**

If putting Nesta in the house of wind was about her safety then they would have done it sooner. They left her for months and months drinking and sleeping around. She could have been killed by any random stranger she met. It was only when she ran up a massive bill and put it in Feysand's name, did they find an issue with her behaviour.

Their idea of "help" was forcing her to do an activity she didn't want to do, in an outfit she wasn't comfortable in, in a place none of them like, in front of misogynists and they literally could not understand why nesta didn't want to train in Windhaven.

*all my nesta vs the buffer girlies can i get a heyyyy

**all my steel & flame girlies can i get a heyyyy

[scaredgirlsilly]

Homestuck character who doesn't get enough love?

i have been stalking this ask, formulating my plan of attack, jumping from branch to branch of the canopy of trees, waiting for the perfect moment.

and that moment has finally come

spoilers for homestuck (merp. if you read this ill explode you with my mind im sorry im doing this but it has spoilers for all of homestuck so you arent allowed to read this JDKSKFJSH)

my answer is jade. am i biased?? absolutely!! but thats A Whole Thing so im gonna give some runner ups first before i get into all that

jake prob like idk whenever i see him in stuff its always either with dirk (and usually focuses on dirk kr their relationship) or its a family photo of john, jade, jane, and jake. but like. idk i dont think many people *get* what hes about (me included) but hes a great character and literally soooo aro coded its not even funny. i really should rotate jake in my brain more hes a very cool character

jane too theres some love for jane but i think the epilogues kinda fucked her

the dancestors too, but idk im not a huge dancestor fan cause they are all kinda assholes and the scene with cronus and mituna just makes my skin crawl

but ok BACK TO JADE

i think there are different aspects (most of them probably unrelated to what you untended for the question) that she doesnt get enough love, but lets start with what you were probably talking about, which is

how jade is treated by the fans

i think jade gets a fair amount of fan love. i mean just look at her!! who couldnt love her?? my main problem comes from how she compares to dave, specifically the fact that fans seem to apply an absolutely monstrous depth to daves character that isnt necessarily there in homestuck (like specificallyin regards to angst readings of his character. this is about fanfiction i should say that this is just my grievances when it comes to finding good jade fics). THATS NOT A BAD THING!! i fuckin love it actually and im not raggin on dave with this. its just that i think jade could do that as good if not better!! her life is fuckin dogshit if you treat it seriously, much like people do with daves life, and considering the fact that nearly every single fuckin dave fic i read touches on that topic, it sucks that jade fics like that are so hard to come by. she also doesnt have as many like prominent ships. theres some obv ones, like davepetasprite, or dave/karkat in a throuple (we will fucking get to that later), but yk some of the other characters even uf they dont have canon relationships, they have like. obvious ones yk. like john/vriska or john/terezi or june/rose or john/dave (fuckin j egbert gettin around kfhskshdh) or like jake/dirk or roxy/callie yk ships like those. whether you agree with em is one thing but they are obvious yk you dont gotta do alot of convincing to see them at least try it out.

but with jade, it feels like you gotta stretch it a little to get her with anyone. jade/rose is great (especially jade/rose/kanaya) but. i mean jade and rose barely talk in homestuck proper (we will GET TO IT) so its kinda a hard sell. and does jade like interact with any of the trolls alot?? like idk its been a while but im p sure most of her interactions with the trolls were negative. so that just leaves jade/davepeta which is a pretty good ship i will say, and of course, jade/dave ( + karkat sometimes) and it kinda sucks. like one of my fav ships, jade/vriska, literally started out as a joke!! but it grew on me when i started thinking out it, but it is already such a stretch that theres no fuckin way most people will see what i see (thats a whole seperate rant jdhsjdjsj this is already long enough and we have 3 other parts to get to)

SPEAKING OF THE OTHER PARTS!!

next part, prob the easiest,

jades treatment in the epilogues

do i even need to say anything??

this post is long enough ill try to speed through the other sections

NEXT PART!!

how she is treated in homestuck proper in the text (what literally happens to her)

literally lonliest girl alive has one day with her friends (that day is filled with horrible shit and thats the understatement of the century) before getting on a ship for 3 years, and like a week in having her brother and other friend die. she then lives in this ship in the middle of space, no contact to any of her other friends, no update on whats actually going on, just the company of the consorts and nanna sprite. she finally gets to the new session, meets god tier calliope who explains that that was all supposed to happen and john actually fixed everything, and also space players are just lonely thats just apart of the aspect :/

she then gets put to sleep so the condesce doesnt control her, where she misses all of the socialization that the other people have on the platform before the final fight.

she then has a convo with davepeta while she is dreaming where davepeta says "actually in the other timeline we dated and that stuff still happened to you cause of this thing called an Ultimate Self, a thing thats totally real and not at all bullshit. anyways bye!! *muah*"

she wakes up, chases a few god dogs around, gets puched in the face, and the end happily ever after!!!!!!!!

now obv this was an extremely bitter retelling and i actually cant seperate the 2 sections so this is also...

how jade is treated in homestuck proper, by andrew hussie

now. jade got ROYALLY fucked over. she started out as a mysterious figure that knows more than anyone, but extremely quickly she goes to the person who knows the least out of literally anyone. she barely talks to rose, seemingly one of her 4 childhood friends, throughout the whole comic (jade and rose say about 2700 words to each other over 5 conversations, one of them being a repeat from the others perspective. their longest convo is 571 words. for reference, this convo between dave karkat and john has 2100 words. almost 1500 words more than their longest convo and almost as much words as rose and jades entire convo history. heres a link to da sourse i used cause no way im counting that shit jdjsgsjshs tho they are doing it cause they dont like jade/rose or sumn?? idk i dont fucking care about that. anyways side tangent over!!)

SHE DOESNT EVEN WNTER THE GAME TILL ACT 5 ACT 2!!!!!!!! AFTER WE SEE THE ENTIRE TROLL SESSION!!!!!!!!

then, during the session idk shes cool i dont remember it much cause the beta kids session is a surprisingly short part of the comic jdkshdjshs but she has some cool moments and i love her ^u^

then the yellow yard. god. just fucking left there alone. why?? the entire point of johnfix is that the session could be changed for the better without worry of a doomed timeline. couldnt have even made john give her a heads up as to why her john and davesprite just fucking die randomly?? (before you say that john couldnt have cause he didnt know, motherfucker andrew hussie knew!!!!!!!! he could have just made some fuckin reason for john to know its not that hard)

then during the session she just gets ranted to about how actually its all apart of the plan and this was supposed to be this way and she just goes ":P okie dokie" and moves on like that wouldnt FUCKING KILL HER THAT SHE HAD TO BE ROYALLY FUCKED OVER FOR EVERYTHING TO GO RIGHT.

now obv theres an explanation why her role in the final fight is so passive. shes too op. she combined with bec and is a space player (and is shown using those powers to do some pretty bad ass stuff jfjsgsjdhd). thats fair i guess. im just salty that the way to solve that was to literally put her to sleep for most of it, then go fly around with some dogs and get punched in the face.

now. the rant is kinda over. jade i think is the most slept on character, but specifically she is slept on by one person. andrew hussie. i think that andrew hussie did not explore jades character like he did with other characters. i do not know why. im going to try to not act like i know why he did it (god its so hard HDKSKDHAGDJ). this rsnt is pure salt, pure fuckin cope, i am aware. this is not meant to be objective i just really like and relate to jade and wish she got more love in the work itself. but instead, i must dine on the scraps she gets on fuckin ao3 (did you know there are almost as many davekat fics as there are fics where jade is in it at all?? and thats not even including the fact that alot of the jade fics, shes not the main person. im not mad 🙃🙃)

anyways uhhhh sorry this probably wasnt what you were expecting 😭😭😭😭 i just have alot of incoherent thoughts when it comes to jade and homestuck in general. so uhhhh. THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!!!!!!

[archiiive]

How To Get My Husband On My Side

I usually love strong female characters and I love reading them. Not a big fan of weak or damsel in distress characters. But RUBY. Idk how to explain my thoughts and feelings about her. Ik it doesn't make any sense but I feel like this is what I'd feel about my own daughter if I had one (I just turned 20 last month lolol). Ruby is by far my most favourite manhwa fmc and the most beautiful girl in my eyes I'm not even exaggerating. Yall won't believe how many times I scroll back to see the panels Ruby is in. I don't think I've even replayed shirtless Izek that many times lmao. I just stare at her in awe. I can't help but smile. I just re read this manhwa for the 4th time today, I just keep coming back here. This manhwa is so beautiful, cute, sad, painful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I cry, smile, laugh, giggle, get angry, so many emotions all at once.

I feel so sad whenever I look at Ruby's eyes. I just wanna give her a hug. Ruby is by far one of the strongest characters I've ever read. Being strong doesn't necessarily mean being physically strong yk. Everything she's gone through, those are unimaginable. The fact that she's still sane is probably the biggest proof of how strong she is. Cause imagine being abused like she was for that many years (even in her previous life, or should I say lives), she's only suffering. I can't imagine how deep the trauma runs.

Every kind of Abuse destroy people. She has gone thorough so many kind of abuses. But man SA has got to be the most horrendous things to ever happen to someone, that too by her own brother, at her own house, for so many years, where the so called brother even spread rumour about their questionable relationship outside just so her marriages could be broken off. I can't imagine going through all of that everyday and still having to smile sweetly 24/7, not having anyone to share these with, no one to rely on and pretending to be completely fine. I'd never be able to last so long, I'd be long gone.

As much as I love Izek now, it's an undeniable fact that he was a jerk to her when she first came here. Okay he had his reasons cause her family couldn't be trusted yada yada but RUBY didn't deserve any of it. Good thing she escaped from the hell, her own house but then came here to be treated like a nuisance by her own husband. Okay he's changed now and he loves her and everything is good so I'll kinda forgive him too cause at least he's giving Ruby the love, warmth, support, reassurance, comfort now. She needed them so bad. She really needed someone to confide in.

Whenever I see her holding things in and not being able to talk about her past traumas and abuse with anyone and silently putting up everything that fu*king Cesare bitch a**hole ugly looking piece of sh*t son of a wh*re does in fear that things will get worse, I just want to go get myself off by a truck and isekai into the story and stab that filthy guy until my hands fall of. I don't think I ever hated or will hate anything as much as I hate Cesare. This manhwa keeps breaking me but I still keep coming back for Ruby and maybe a little bit for Izek too, love to see them together.

I'm so mad she had to endure all of that. Idc what Ruby does or ever did. I'd support her even if she were to take initiative to end the world. I'd gladly let her destroy everything, kill everyone including me if that's what she wanted, I'd give her everything she could've ever asked for and even more cause RUBY my love deserves everything. Okay but why do I sound like a mom tho lolol. I guess Izek has a stronger competition now cause at least I'd never treat that angel like precious munchkin the way he did in the past hmph.

So in conclusion what I wanted to say is, I LOVE RUBY. My loveliest most adorable bestest sweetheart. My heart swells with love everytime she smiles. She shines so bright I fear. Ruby is the most amazing, Ruby is the most beautiful, Ruby is the strongest, i wanna bawl my eyes out everytime I look at her eyes. And if anyone tries to hurt my Ruby and talk shit about her, I'm personally coming for you, you better sleep at night with an eye open. Cause Ruby might be the sweetest but I'm certainly NOT.

[roundearthsociety]

This is going to be a tad personal but how do you manage to be trans and catholic? Some of the biggest anti trans voices like Matt Walsh, Michael Knowles and Desantis base their views off that religion. Many trans people on here, Reddit and IRL have nothing but disdain for Catholicism because of the Vatican’s statements and how they’ve been treated. Likewise, a lot of Catholics I’ve seen on tumblr, Reddit and various forums view it as a sin, mental illness or pedophilia and oppose affirming care as well as IVF.

I’m an American exvangelical, who does have some conservative Catholic family members, and I’m trying to broaden my perspective a bit rather than writing Catholicism off as an irredeemable, hateful colonizer ideology and viewing paganism and Reform Judaism as the only valid religions like most Tumblr users do. How do you put up with it when many refuse to affirm it, including the pope who’s still very conservative? I’m not asking to attack your beliefs but are simply curious whether there’s more nuance than people will claim.

This is something that's a bit hard to answer, as someone who's not that good a theologian nor that good at theory. Plus, I'm not side A, so I wouldn't be all that good at discussing Catholicism While Queer with you I suspect. Anyway I will be assuming you, the reader, have got some level of legitimate Christian faith. Because otherwise I'm not sure how to like. Give you that.

So let me preface all of this by recommending you look into queer Catholic organizations such as New Ways Ministry, or especially DignityUSA which I've heard good things about. There are also some Tumblr bloggers on the more affirming side of things, most of them aren't really doing all that much advocacy work either but you might find it interesting to scroll through, idk, and-her-saints or shoutsofmybones's blogs for example, and take a look.

Also: you don't have to give up on Christianity entirely if you can't / would rather not be Catholic! Even if the specific ritual and community aspect is especially important to you, the Episcopal Church is probably decently well implanted where you live and is worth looking into, especially since it doesn't have the embedded political elements that the US Catholic Church tends to have.

As for my own personal answer below - please don't bother to get mad at me for this, it's like 4AM and I'm not too interested in writing a thesis here.

Gender-wise it's honestly pretty straightforward. I know I function better being generally recognized as another sex than I was assigned at birth, with characteristics to match; everything else in terms of gender roles names etc is really just getting a lil silly with it ngl. This is neither especially uncommon nor especially new, and the generally recognized way to deal with this has long been to just let people do their thing. While there are issues with the way that's being done (hey! you should freeze your gametes if that's available to you! don't count on never wanting kids, especially if you're a teenager! trust me on this one.), a lot of the modern discourse around it boils down to "this is disgusting to me so it must be morally wrong". And like, I'm a biologist, I can't really find it in myself to be grossed out by this stuff anymore.

Anyway the Church is far from a monolith. Even at the institutional level there's plenty of tolerance; my home diocese is based in a large and ancient Mediterranean city so God knows it's had ages to get used to the weird shit, not counting the handful of trad strongholds. My understanding of the situation in the US is that it's Kind Of Really Not That though, so I'd strongly recommend heavily looking into your local Catholic diocese and parishes before making any moves, because Catholic faith and practice are a very community-bound thing and it's not really something you can do at a distance. Thankfully though, once you start avoiding the political activists trying to use faith as a means to an end (as is the case for most of the people you cite in your ask), you'll find that it's relatively more chill than you'd think. Let me elaborate.

My own case is complicated enough that I can't reasonably apply any of the details to this, but ultimately what's important to note here is that Christianity is functionally about how everyone is flawed, and everyone fucks up, and sure you'll be forgiven but you've got to own up to it first. The members of the Church, even the Pope, even (most of) the Saints in their earthly lives, are no exception. They can be misguided, fearful, or just plain hateful; in such circumstances, it's on them to do better, not on you to adapt to their flaws, and they know this if they're honest to themselves. This, in turn, must apply just as much to you and me; as a Christian, you (generic) have everything you need to do better, and to know anything that prevents you from loving other people is probably not the way to go.

But anyway yeah. I'm trans and Catholic because both of those are just kinda who I am, and I don't intend to stop being either because I'm not interested in replacing myself with the cop in my head. So the Church can have fun with that.