#idk what I’m doing with my life anymore

[transwaterbender]

I don’t think I’m doing okay. I mean I might be better than I used to be before my antidepressants that’s for sure. But now I can feel myself falling slowly once again. Into the deep abyss of misery. Is this burnout? Most likely is because I continue to work but the antidepressants help me push through. I did switch to a new job that I started this week though but it’s way further, different surroundings and vibe, a lot more customers that I’m going to have to deal with it seems and thus a lot more socializing and having to adapt to their system. Idk what’s wrong with me but at times I feel like a failure because I can’t handle minor changes. My last job was mainly sitting down and watching stuff on the computer as I awaited customers but I go to decide what I wanted to do to keep myself entertained. I no longer have that option. Yeah it was 11 hour work shifts but I’d have 3 days off. Yeah I wasn’t earning much commission but they did offer me a raise to $14 before I left. Idk man I left mainly for the money but now I’m thinking that maybe I’m just going to have to go back. Because unfortunately it’s not just the money. It’s way more than that that affects me.

[justsayinghiiexistlol]

I’m like hella sick rn and I have to read 200 pages of a book for tomorrow cus I have a quiz…I’m so screwed yall 😍🔫

[yaolmao]

simp

[pyro-thon]

Why does Tech love Waffles so much? (In ur au)-NTR

Idk. I put a lot of my personality into most of the ppl I RP, so it really probably reflects off of what i like and dont like. Eather that or i just wanted to up his adorableness

[kimmykloo]

Tfw you dropped your phone 🐠🐟🐬

I love mermaids and just merfolk and decided to just draw Cove as one.

I struggled way too much with this, but might as well stop and just post it

[clownjacket]

If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.

[lordoftherazzles]

Hiatus ✌️

[heirsofthedragon]

I stayed up until 7 am working on Freyja’s character page I made on Toyhouse and I did SO MANY re-writes to her story 💀 I’m still not happy with it cause I am bad at writing, but I’m glad to actually have somewhat of “written out” base? I’ll probably end up changing some stuff again. I still can’t figure out what I want the main conflict to be… having it be the iron throne feels so repetitive ughhhhhhj

AAAND now I have 2 more random bg3 presets I want to make cause I wanna make her dead husband and son that I made up 👹👹 I found some faces that I really liked to use as my references and used the photos as placeholders for now lol. I’m excited to make them though 😊

…. and I still have to do Frey’s now AAAAAAAA

[angelic-waffles]

I hope I styled him well

[swordmaid]

What did Shri'iia do that finally broke her oath? I love hearing about your bg3 character arcs, and my fav play through I was an oathbreaker durge- so I'm interested in hearing more!

so for some background context for Shri’iia - she was a paladin of Lolth who was in service to the matriarch of House Faen Tlabbar for like 100+ years or so. She’s kind of like the matriarch’s hidden weapon, no one knew about her existence except for the matriarch (bc before she was a paladin, she was just another commoner who didn’t belong to any noble house) and she was kept in the dark until her matriarch had some use for her. Like Menzoberranzan is a city that thrives in deceit and secrecy and the best weapon someone could have is a weapon that’s unknown to everyone else but completely loyal to you. Shri’iia agreed to this arrangement since didn’t belong to any noble houses prior - and she’s ambitious as hell lmfao she wanted to be at the top of their hierarchy. To her, she had everything to gain and nothing to lose - not to mention that the matriarchs were the closest beings to Lolth and through them, her will is re-enacted so how could she refuse? so she is like a well trained hound in a way, who’s completely loyal to the spider queen and her matriarch and she does not know anything else but to serve her spider queen bc Lolth is everything….!!!!

that is, until she gets kidnapped, tadpoled, and left in the surface

and the thing is, in all her years she has never once stepped foot in the surface. she hasn’t even explored the entirety of menzoberranzan bc she spent most of her days hidden away. not to mention everything she knows about the surface is from gossip and the horrible shit they tell you about how drows are hated there, and how you’ll be hunted like an animal the moment they see your red eyes, and all that terrible shit. so suffice to say shri’iia is terrified! she hasn’t even seen the sun ever before and she hasn’t touched grass either so now you’re expecting her to be fine when she’s left in a place that could kill her bc she’s a drow? not to mention the tadpole in her head? like early act 1 is just a stressful time for her and the fact that she joins up with these other tadpoled folks who could kill her anytime doesn’t make it less stressful

anyway, bc she’s so paranoid and rn she’s like a professional liar in her nature 🫶 (she’s a charlatan) she makes up this story about how she was born in the surface in some small town that has a population of less than 100, and she obviously does not worship Lolth ew and her oath? she follows a noble cause don’t worry about it (:. so she sticks by that back story to earn the other’s trust! and to save her own skin, more or less but by doing so she’s essentially hiding and being ashamed of her Lolth worship and oh that’s not -

in the ACTUAL game, shri’iia breaks her oath because she tells minthara where the grove is. in her head, what better way to punish a traitor of Lolth than to kill her where everyone is watching! 🤭🤭 like punishments for traitors has to public and humiliating like that is such a good plan (in her head!) except that she didn’t take into account that Lolth was getting tired of her ass for hiding her Lolth worship NOT to mention that she’s not acting like how a paladin of lolth should be acting like why are you listening to some man first of all (since I hc gale is the leader of the party). and by killing minthara in front of the grove she offhandedly saves the tieflings which is another 🫤🫤🫤 as a paladin of Lolth like she‘s gonna have such a bad grade in being an evil aligned paladin

So tl;dr - Shri’iia ends up lying about her entire backstory out of self preservation meaning that she has to lie about her Lolth worship. Lolth is a fickle and proud goddess who doesn’t stand by that shit and drops her ass, now Shri’iia spends the remaining half of act 1 in denial trying to win back Lolth’s favour or else she has to deal with the fact that her identity is essentially gone and she’s been abandoned by the goddess she has fully devoted herself to 🫶🫶

[classical-vanity]

There’s days when I really feel like a failure/ disappointment because I think everyone had pretty high expectations of me growing up and I feel like I’ve done nothing with my life

[chibishortdeath]

Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).

I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.

So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.

[mxfortune-teller]

.

[lesbiansanemi]

I think… I have figured out the reason I never get gendered as a guy anymore and it’s making me have…. A lot of really complex feelings

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.

[kavehater]

I don’t think the weird anxiety/panic will ever leave my tumblr experience🧍‍♀️