The White Wolf’s Dance; Chapter 3
Request; I needed some heat between the two and a bit of a dramatic cliff hanger.
Words; 3,022
Warnings; Nudity, cursing I think, LOTS OF FEELS, and geralt is very hard to read. Nothing else really?
Pairing; Geralt X Elf/Reader and oh boy spiceee
Notes; I don’t know when I will have chapter 4 up. I haven’t even started writing it but hopefully it will be within a day or two. Im trying to be good and write a lot more. But in the future it might take even longer idk. Tuesday-Thursday are gonna be the days I probably can update the most cause I don’t work so bare with me guys. Im try and keep up with at least 2 chapters a week though if not more. I love yall so much!
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(I do not own anything witcher or any gifs, all rights to the creators.)
TagList; @yuminyg @andyl394 @grumgoblin
(If you wanna be on the tag list comment below or drop an ask un-anon. And I got you.)
*Chapter 3; Gates Of Temptation*
When you came to, you were in the last place you expected, laying in an unfamiliar bed, half-naked and all stitched up. Your head was pounding and your body felt like you hadn’t eaten in days. How long had you been out? Your hand shot to your head but there was a bandage wrapped around your head hiding your ears.
At that moment an unfamiliar face walked in before shouting down the hall. “she’s awake.” The unfamiliar female was a gorgeous blonde and soon left the door. Geralt appeared in the doorway shortly after, arms crossed.
“S-so I guess you know my secret now..” you chuckled dryly before trying to reach for the water on the side of your bed. Geralt was across the room in a second holding the cup to your lips. You take a deep drink.
“I told you not to die on me kid.” He sighs and sits beside you on the bed.
“Well last time I checked I’ve still very much alive. Bleeding but alive.” You smirk and look over him. “Thanks though.. for uh. Carrying me down a mountain and..” your fingers lingered in the headdress on you. He gave a short nod before staring at the floor.
“I’ll be in this town until you heal. Jaskier.. uh. Wants to stay close to make sure you’re okay. Seems you’ve had quite the impact on him.” Geralt stands up and starts heading for the door.
“That why you’re in here and not him?” You smirk before lifting your hand to make a gush of breeze whip through his hair. “I see you’ve taken a bath. Any chance I can?”
“Can you do it alone?” His voice was challenging but you just smirked and let your eyes roam over him.
“I’m sure I could manage. If not I know a certain Witcher who could carry me out.” You throw him a wink before closing your eyes and relaxing back against the pillow. Geralt grunted before shutting your door.
“So.. how is she?” Jaskier asked as he rounded the corner. “doing okay?”
Geralt nodded before looking over him. “she wants a bath. Why don’t you go get it ready? I need an ale.” And with that, Geralt headed out the door and towards the local inn.
Jaskier went to open his mouth but Geralt was already gone, he walked upstairs to the bathing room and began to fill the wooden tub with water. Once it was all set up Jaskier knocked on your door with a smile. “Y/N your bath is all set up.” He hummed out.
“You can come in.” You hum as you finish putting on your robe sitting on the edge of the bed. Your hands tie the band around it as the door opens and Jaskier struts in.
You glance up at him with a smile before holding out your hand to him “Be a gentleman and help a lady up. No magick this time I promise.” You hum softly. He wastes no time and walks over taking your hand and helping you up. Your hand wraps around his shoulder and his around your waist.
“As long as you don’t try and seduce me again all will be well.” He teases before slowly helping you to the bathing room. “Geralt left in a rush what did you say to him?” He questioned glancing at you.
“He questioned my ability to take a bath on my own, I told him if he was so worried he could join me. Upon that he left. I can quite well handle myself, but yet he seems to doubt my ability to bath alone.” You chuckled softly before squeezing Jaskier’s shoulder. “Guess he can’t take a joke huh?”
Jaskier chuckled as well before shaking his head “He probably isn’t used to the teasing. Most find him rather,” He thought for a moment on what word to use. “Strange..” Though what people actually said about him was very different.
“Strange indeed, but surely, the woman can’t keep their hands off of him. He maybe a little scary but he is attractive under all the blood and dirt.” You smirked at the idea of Geralt truly all cleaned up and dressed in something other than black. He would look rather gorgeous.
“Oh no,” Jaskier helped you into the room and sat you on the edge of the wooden tub. “Don’t tell me you have feelings for our dear Witcher.” He teased before laying out a few towels for her.
“Oh Gods no,” You rolled your eyes at the thought, though you might feel a little something towards Geralt. Jaskier unquestionably did not need to know that about you. “Just saying if he actually took a bath more than once a month and honestly spoke. Women would be falling at his feet. Not many men like him in this countryside.” You twisted on the edge of the tub so your feet were now in the water. Slowly pulling your robe off as you slid into the tub.
Jaskier didn’t turn around under you gave him the okay. The water hid your body under the water. Not like you would mind Jaskier seeing you naked, he just wasn’t your first choice.
“That may be true, but Geralt. He’s well,” Jaskier paused to think a moment before sitting on a stool. “He’s difficult. Doesn’t need anyone, or so he says. If he didn’t need anyone I wouldn’t have had to apply a cream to his rear end before.” He chuckled at the memory.
“Oh, I would have paid to see that.” You laughed at the thought of the mighty Witcher asking for help with something like that. You ran your hands up through your hair. “Can I get a little help?” You asked pointing at the water pitcher on the other side of the room.
“Anything for the lovely lady.” He chimed before grabbing the pitcher and filling it with her bathwater before slowly pouring it over her hair. “I wouldn’t mention this to Geralt though. He might think you were trying to seduce me again.” He teased as your hands raked through your hair, washing out the grime and dirt.
“Oh, I didn’t plan on it.” You hummed before relaxing into the warm bath. Jaskier chuckled before setting the pitcher by the tub. “I’ll be back, the kitchen has no good booze and I think we could all use a drink this evening. Think you can manage for a little while without me?” He teased before leaning on the doorway to make sure you would be okay without him.
“I think I’ll get along just fine. Hurry back though. Once the water goes cold I might need help getting out.” You throw a playful wink his way before he puts his hand to his heart pretending to swoon.
“Anything for the darling Y/N” He sighed out dramatically before chuckling softly. “What’s your favorite poison?”
“Anything strong,” You smile at him before closing your eyes to rest int he tub. “Oh and Jaskier?” You open one eye to glance up at him. “Thanks.”
He grins and offers you a playful bow before shutting the door and leaving you in the room and home all alone. Though you don’t mind. You softly sing out as you wash the layers of dirt and blood from your skin. “Toss a coin to your witcher, oh valley of plenty. oh, valley of plenty. Ohhh Ohh oh oh.”
After a while, you can see the water turned a deep brown from the dirt and blood coming off of you and decide it’s fitting time to get out. “Jaskier you back yet?” You call out loudly but after no answer, you shrug it off. Surely you could get out by yourself, after all, you had gotten in alone.
Putting your hands on either side of the tub you try your best to lift yourself out, but just as you almost had it a loud tear rips out in the room and you cry out in pain. Falling back down into the tub. Your hand flies to your shoulder were you could feel blood running from the wound there.
“Of course I ripped my stitches. What’s a girl gotta do to get a good doctor nowadays.” You mumbled through the tears and sighed. Surely Jaskier would be back soon, he had to be.
Just as you were about to try and get out again you heard the door open and someone walks in. “Oh! Jaskier! Up here!” You yelled, your voice rather full of pain.
You here running up the stairs before looking to the door as it opened to reveal Geralt himself. Your eyes meet his as you mentally curse the gods for doing this. Sure you talked a big game, but he had made it pretty obvious he wasn’t interested.
“Fuck.” He murmured before walking over to you, kneeling beside the tub looking over your wound. But he didn’t say another word. You did your best not to look at him, but when he was this close and you could feel his breath on your bare skin it made you shiver.
He gave you a strange look before you sunk a little in the water, “It’s cold. Been in here a while.” You mumbled before glancing at his hands on your shoulder. They were big and strong and you could only imagine the things they could do to you. You clenched your jaw trying not to think like that. You weren’t sure if it was the excitement from him being able to catch you naked or nervousness since your heart was about to pulsate out your chest.
“Your heart rate is high, you’ve already lost a lot of blood. I got to get you out and stitch you up again.” He didn’t even give you a chance to process his words before his shirt was coming off and arms dipping into your bathwater.
“Hey! Oh hey! Watch your hands!” You nearly scream out, your hands on his bare chest to stop him from getting any closer. Your heart was racing now, your eyes glued to his. Knowing if you looked at his chest you would most likely lose your mind. “In case you didn’t notice I’m naked.”
“I did.” He stated flatly before moving his face closer to yours. “So you’d show yourself to the bard but not to me to save your life?” His eyes seemed to almost twinkle with his smirk.
You looked away from him a moment thinking it over before sighing loudly. “Only Jaskier never saw me naked.” You scowled at him trying to seem like you would end his life if he dared but you knew he could feel your heart racing. “Close your eyes.” You whispered.
“Are you kidding me?” He started, shifting back a little his eyes wondering to your shoulders curious to see what the bloody water hid.
“Either you close your eyes or I shall wait for Jaskier to return. He at least is a gentleman!” You half screamed at the white-haired man. Your arms moving to cover your chest and sink a little lower into the water. His eyes on you excited you but you were not about to give in to what he wanted.
“Fine.” Was the only word he said before closing his eyes and sliding his arms under your legs and around your waist. His arms were warm despite the chilly temperature of the water. You found yourself leaning onto his chest as he grunted and lifted you out of the water. Your arms clinging around his neck your eyes tracing out his facial features. The strong curve of his jawline, the subtleness of his facial hair, the plumpness of his lips. And that only made your heart pound faster and your head gets light.
He stood there just holding you for a minute, his warm embrace felt like nothing you could describe. It was almost like coming home after a lengthy journey, you inhaled his scent as a smile smeared across your lips. Even covered in sweat he never smelled bad.
“I have to open my eyes to get you to your room, you know that right?” He questioned, keeping his eyes closed for the moment being. “Unless you wish for me just to hold you naked until Jaskier comes back?” His voice had a playful tone and you almost had a heart attack. The witcher had a sense of humor?
“I.. um- oh.” You muttered to yourself before looking around. Spotting the towel Jaskier had so kindly laid out for you. “Take one step to the right and three forward then slowly set me down. Jaskier left a towel on the stool for me.” Geralt’s brow furrowed but he did as she said gently. It was different not being able to see as he tried to move around the wet floor. His footing was almost lost a time or two but he managed.
Once at the stool he slowly leaned over and set your legs down on the floor tracing up your thigh to your hip to steady you. Another shiver ran up your spine as you bit your lip to hold in a gasp. But he didn’t seem to notice. You bent over to grab the towel, accidentally pushing your backside right into him. You let out a pitiful yelp before standing up and wrapping the towel around you in a quick sloppy manner. A hot blush covering your cheeks.
His eyes opened at the yelp but thankfully you had thrown the towel on fast enough for him to catch nothing but a glimpse at your bare back. “I can see how you got Jaskier to fall in love with you, with your accidental brush-ups. Watch yourself.” his eyes narrowed at you before wrapping an arm under yours and helping you back to your room. You didn’t say a word, utterly mortified.
He sat you on the bed and grabbed a pitcher of water to pour on your wound to clean some blood away. Then grabbed a needle and thread. “This is going to hurt.” His voice was monotoned, and without waiting for a response he started to stitch up your wound again.
It took everything in you not to move, not to scream. Your hands grasping the towel around you until your knuckles turned pale, your teeth sinking into your lip and your jaw clenching so hard you were unsure if you could open it again. A blast of wind flew around the room making the sheets flail a little around you, your hair blowing almost straight up and Geralt’s all in his face.
He stopped his hands pushing you back to lay on the bed. “You need to get it together. If you can’t I will have to put you under.” He snarled his tone sounding threatening. You nod and grit your teeth together forcing your magick to control its self. Trying to take your mind off the searing pain you open your eyes and watch Geralt. His face is in pure concentration as he fixes you up. You study his face, a rush of tranquility overtaking you.
Before you know it his amber eyes are staring straight back into yours. A blush crawls back over your cheeks as you open your mouth to say something, anything. His face is dangerously close to yours and he hasn’t moved away. Maybe just maybe you had a chance. Your eyes darted to his lips before back to his with an almost neediness. His eyes soften as his other hand rested on your forearm as if he was debating to pull you closer to him.
And you would have found out if he would of but at that moment Jaskier walked in the room with three bottles of ale. “Y/N I’m back- oooh oh oh what do we have here?” His self-satisfied smirk kills whatever might have been happening. Geralt stands and walks towards Jaskier then around him to the doorway.
“See to it she’s not left alone again. She tore her stitches.” He mumbled before leaving.
You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until then, a long sigh left your lips as you let your head fall against your pillow. “So, what did I walk into miss I don’t have feelings for him?” He chimed as he walked over to look at your new stitches.
“Jaskier- I” You groaned out in annoyance before covering your face with your hands. “I don’t like him. He was fixing me up after I was stupid. That is all.” You murmured into your hands but you could feel Jaskier’s smirk.
“Oh, I’m sure that was all. And perhaps care to tell me why he was shirtless?” He teased before popping open a bottle and nudging it against your arm. “Here you need this.”
You pulled your hands away from your face to take the bottle and take a long sip. “It’s nothing leave it be. Though he did say you were very in love with me?” You smirked a little wiping your mouth on the back of your hand.
“Not with you, but with that rather visionary lady you had me spend the night within my dream.” He rolled his eyes before patting your head. “She was wonderful, you’re a little dangerous though.” That made you giggle softly before taking another swig.
“Good to know.” You hum before handing him back the bottle and sighing. “I think I need a nap now. It’s been a long morning.” You whisper, Jaskier happily takes the bottle and nods. Making his way to the door before turning around to you.
“I’ll wake you in a few hours. Geralt wanted to discuss something with all of us. Probably the coins you owe us but now I’m not so sure.” He taunted before closing your door and leaving you to wonder what. Especially after everything that happened in the bathing room.
You sighed softly and closed your eyes, you would deal with what it was when you awoke right now you needed to regain your strength so you could heal yourself faster.
Chapter 4
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for diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me
Genre: oneshot- idk.
Pairing: Phan. (dan and phil in case you didnt know that already.)
AU: Highschool/sixth form. Whatever you prefer.
Warnings: Swearing, underage ??, mentions to sex
Summary: After two years of heartbreak, Dan ends up sleeping with Phil off a drunken decision, and old, unexpected feelings come back up.
Author’s note: i am aware that this is really crap, but i am trying to improve, so please send me requests of prompts, hc’s, etc, because I will write them for you when I get the time. I’m kinda new to posting on tumblr sooooo. PLease keep this out of the main tags, (i.e danielhowell, danisnotonfire, amazingphil, philllester, etc) because i did not write this for them to see. If you are uncomfortable with mentions of gay sex/same sex relationships then im pulling a mannymua and telling you to please dont fucking read it.
“Pretty pretty.” Phil kissed the dimple adorned on the boy’s cheeks, making them turn a deep crimson. It wasn’t often they could be alone, where it was just the two of them, and they could do whatever they wanted. Dan was completely content. He was wrapped in the arms of Phil Lester, the guy that he’d completely fallen for. And although they were only young, he could sense something really strong between them.
Phil was warm, having his Adventure Time sweatshirt pulled over him, and a blanket draped over his legs. Dan rested comfortably between Phil's knees, back to his chest. The blanket, which they were sharing, was up to Dan’s chest, as he didn’t have a hoodie on. Phil’s arms crossed over Dan’s chest, with no plan of letting go. It was moments like these that Phil longed for. He couldn’t wait to have someone special to him, so they could be entertained just from the company of one another. And he finally had it.
Dan couldn’t help but to think about how lucky he was in that moment. Normally, on Fridays, Phil would be off with friends, spending time with them, but due to a holiday trip, they weren't going to be doing anything all together this summer. Which meant Dan had Phil all to himself.
Phil leaned down, pressing his lips to the skin poking out of Dan’s tee, and it may have been the cold, but Dan shivered under the touch. This was all new to him, he’d never been in a proper relationship before, or had anything romantically special with somebody before. So he was still growing accustomed to the constant affection, not that he didn’t like it, but everything was so new.
Dan turned his head slightly, only to see Phil, resting his chin on his shoulder. Phil tilted his head to look at Dan, and they both smiled, bumping their noses together.
It was Dan to finally close the gap, kissing Phil, just because he could.
-
When Dan was awoken this early morning, he wasn’t aware he had company. His eyes fluttered open when the rays of sun washed over his face, blinding him. The curtains were never closed the night before, because well, he didn’t even remember half of last night. The sun light lit up Dan’s bedroom, making the edges of his desk shine bright with the natural highlight accentuating the sharp corners. His plant drank up all the light it could get, as it never got much in the first place in it’s dark corner of the room. The pictures that littered his wall had a glare, making the faces unidentifiable, but Dan knew them well enough to know who was being blurred out.
Dan’s hand formed a fist, and rubbed both eyes, as if it would help him wake up, wipe away his constant feeling of restlessness, but alas, it never worked. He yawned, leaning over to check his electric that sat on his bedside table. The numbers lit up in read told the brunet that it was half past six. Dan groaned, throwing the white duvet over his waist, as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, getting ready to be up for the day. A chill washed over his skin, giving his goose flesh up and down his arms, realizing that, yes, he was completely naked. Not a cloth bared on his back.
Dan decided that maybe a few more hours of sleep would do, even though there was probably people piled in his downstairs level of his house from last night’s endeavors. They’d be okay for a little while.
Dan was known for his awesome parties, that’s the only thing keeping his name high in the food chain at school. And lat night was special: the first party of their last year of sixth form. It had to be amazing, because there was now a countdown to the very last party of their secondary school life. Everyone knew Dan would do well with this important night, and judging on what he remembered, he nailed it.
He tugged the duvet back up, flopping down onto his side, and was startled when he saw a body directly next to him, in his own bed.
And it wasn’t just a random stranger from his class, no, it was Lucifer himself.
Phil Lester.
Dan couldn’t believe it, because holy fuck he actually gave into this bastards antics, after two goddamn years of rejection, Dan finally gave in. And he hated himself for it.
You see, Dan never got on with Phil. At least, that’s what Dan told himself. When they were both sixteen, they had this fling over the summer, but they never took it farther than cuddling and holding hands. But, before school started, Dan thought he was finally with the guy of his dreams, but then dumped because friends got back from holiday. Specifically, Phil’s friends.
Dan was so heart broken, he didn’t ever think he would be able to leave the safety of his bedroom ever again. He never thought that Phil, his Phil, would ever hurt him after what happened between them. Sadly, however, people make promises that the probably will not keep, which Dan had learned the hard way.
Ever since, Dan watched Phil, seeing that he wasn’t the only rose petal being ripped apart by Phil’s hands, he wasn’t the only broken heart in the school. Poor, sweet, Liz Brekell, thought Phil was the love of her life after being asked out by him. She swooned over his exterior, and, even Dan admitted, was pretty fucking hot. Phil had muscles in all the right places, with straight, black hair that swept to the right, and his fucking smile, it definitely stole the show. But sadly, Liz was dropped for well, the net girl to drop to her knees. It was disgusting to Dan, that he too, had fallen for the scumbag called Phil Lester.
Dan gasped, brown eyes met blue, one screaming out of horror, disgust, the other of smug, and satisfaction. Phil had a fucking smirk spread across his cheeks, and Dan tugged his duvet away, covering his modesty. Phi, however, didn’t budge. The look in his eyes began the memories to flood back into Dan’s mind.
The alcohol, the kissing, the dancing, all the way until They stumbled into Dan’s bedroom, lips attached, zippers being pulled, buttons being ripped. Everything happened so fast, Dan felt as if he couldn’t breath.
“Morning, sunshine.” Phil’s voice was deep, raspy from its lack of moisture, and the strum of his vocal chords was probably the most sexy thing Dan had ever heard in his entire life. And if he didn’t have self control, he would have melted in Phil’s fingertips right then and there. Instead, he built up his walls of defense mechanisms. Last night was a mistake, he decided.
What Dan didn’t know, was that Phil thought it was hilarious that Dan hated him. He loved it, actually. Phil always liked a challenge. But when the rumors spread, about Dan and him, he was broken to have known Dan was no longer interested At least, that.s what Kyle Lockins said. So Phil did what any man would, moved on, and tried to make him jealous. He only succeeded at one of those things. He only really wanted the boy he had grown close to that one summer, the boy he kissed for the first time in the flatbed of his dad’s truck, under the stars of the country side.
A true night to remember, one of the best nights of Phil’s life, and he let the precious diamonds slip through his fingers, mixing with sand after returning to the rocks he was used to. Dan shined brighter than any gem in the treasure chest of their student population. But Phil could never say that out loud. Picking up pieces of the diamond you lost is more difficult than thought.
Phil shifted closer to Dan, trying to edge himself to the point of human contact, just to be able to touch him, but Dan had other thoughts. Dan did not want Phil any closer than the 38 centimeters they had between them, and ended up falling off the bed on the process. In some degree, Phil was hurt, but at the same time, he needed to take the situation in Dan’s perspective. He, as dd Phil, barely remembered last night, and was woken up to be naked in the same bed with the person he hated for two years now. He had to give the guy a little space.
“Oh my g-” Dan couldn’t even finish his sentence, before covering his entire face with his hands. the duvet flopped down over his waist, but was still half on the bed, over Phil. Dan wasn’t a monster, so he left it.
Phil too had his defense mechanisms, his just wasn’t as effective as Dan’s. He hid his emotions through flirting, being an asshole, basically turning into someone he isn’t. It was a barrier that very few people had broken down, but unfortunately for Dan, they built back up for him, without a realization he’d even torn them down.
Last night, Phil didn’t even know how he convinced Dan to sleep with him, because any time Phil tried to get Dan’s attention, he’d get shot down. Fuck, he wasn’t even personally invited to this party, like everyone else was. (Phil had no idea how Dan had talked to so many people to invite them to a party, because usually the entire class, plus more showed.)
“Dan, let me-” Phil began, but was interrupted by a sudden jolt, seeing the boy that was in his arms not ten hours ago, hide under the duvet.
“Just get your clothes and go.”
His beautiful voice, in Phil’s opinion, was muffled by the thick fabric separating the oxygen into two. He could never have Dan like this again anytime soon, but had to respect his wishes. Phil rolled off the bed, sliding on a pair of boxers, followed by his jeans. He didn’t want to waste too much time, as the embarrassment of the situation was worsening by the second.
Dan heard the door slam shut, and took it as the all clear. Well, not really. Nothing was cleared but his room. His mind had no source of ever being the crystal form of relaxation ever again, even if he only had that at rare times.
He had just broken every single rule in his book. That is, he only had one rule, (never fall for Phil again) but he seemed to be having trouble with that. You may be thinking that two years must have been enough time for these two to recover, and get over the bridge of heartbreak, but their connection was so special, Dan thought about it all the time. Sure, Dan had dated a few guys since, but they all just seemed to be short, no longer than two month, flings. Phil was no different, the only thing keeping him out of this category is the fact that Dan and Phil were never dating. Phil was never Dan’s, and Dan was never Phil’s. Yet, it seemed to be the opposite at the time.
The time Dan and Phil became a thing, Dan had just turned sixteen, and Phil brought him on a date as a birthday present. They’d been talking quite a bit before, but Phil thought this would be his big break with Dan. He was head over heels for the curly brunet, and only wanted him to be happy. He truly was the diamond in the rough in Phil’s eyes.
He hadn’t kissed Dan until three weeks into the summer, when his dad finally let him borrow the truck. There was a scheduled shooting star shower happening that night, and it was the perfect setting to finally feel Dan’s lips against his own. Phil thinks about that moment every night, to this day. The electricity shared between the two could have lit up a city. And if I’m honest, things may have gotten heated, but Phil never pushed Dan. He was younger, and barely sixteen, and Phil was like, the third person to commit to him. (Dan doesn’t consider the other two important because he was so young.)
Phil regrets every decision he made by the end of that holiday, however. His friends hated that he was spending too much time on a boy that wouldn’t last, so he kicked Dan to the curb. Rumors spread, and that was it. Yes, he did find it funny that Dan hated him, but there was always apart of him that wanted to prove to Dan that he wasn’t the piece of shit Dan had mad him out to be.
Dan kicked himself, for he didn’t even remember the feeling of the touch of Phil’s lips against his own last night, Even though he didn’t plan on going back to Phil, he wouldn’t trade what they had for the world. Maybe he needed a reminder, how he felt with him, even if those feelings are no longer adamant.
But for god’s sake, he fucking slept with Phil. He’d done something that his sixteen year old fantasies were based upon, and he barely remembers it.
Dan threw his duvet back up onto his bed, walking over to the closet that held his clothing. He felt the same as he did two years ago. Betrayed. Used. Desperate. Feelings he hasn’t felt with anyone else, and he gets so drunk on it. The taste is so bitter, yet so addictive.
Pulling up a pair of sweat pants, Dan thought he’d kick everyone out now, so he’d have the house to himself. He didn’t want to deal with his feelings, but pushing them away would only make then blow up in his face later on. He didn’t bother with a shirt, nor boxers, but it’s not like he wasn’t going to try and scrub off all of his shame in the shower in ten minutes.
The minute Dan opened the door out of his bedroom, he regret every substance he allowed into his house. Because not only was there a pungent scent of alcohol lingering in the air, he could smell the weed that people decided to smoke in the living room, which meant he had to wash the fabric until it was gone. Fuck.
Dan wasn’t really one to say no at parties, but everyone knew they had to at least ask. For example, the first time somebody brought alcohol, they asked Dan if he’d allow it, because it was his house after all. Until it caught on that yes, Dan wants you to bring all the alcohol your heart desires. Other questions consisted of if body shots were allowed, stripping, cigarettes, and now, I guess, marijuana. He doesn’t remember denying the question of weed, so he must have taken a drag last night. Usually he’d be against the whole ‘drug use’ thing, but when he’s drunk, his decisions can be unpredictable. Hence, the fact that he slept with Phil.
There wasn’t as many people sleeping on his floor as he expected, making his job much easier to complete. He stepped up onto his coffee table, bringing his hands to cup around his mouth.
“Everyone out!” He yelled. “My parents are on their way!”
And yeah, he may have been lying, because his parents both traveled for a living, so he still had four days until they’d be home. It was the best solution to get people to wake up, and scatter. People thanked Dan as they headed out the door, a thanks for an amazing night and a night to remember, a party that can only be topped by the final one. He put on his most believable smile, giving brief, friendly hugs to the last of the fish in the sea that was his own home last night.
The door clicked shut, and Dan immediately fell against the wall. His back slid down to the floor, and he pulled his knees up to his chest, as if he was protecting his heart from shattering, which, in some ways, he was. It took Dan so long to accept that Phil chose his friends over him, that now, it just felt like Phil was hurting him on purpose. He was slowly shattering into millions of pieces of heart break, all over again.
Dan felt sixteen again, going through the same process of regret, and hurt, all starting with shame.
He was really glad that last night was not the night he lost his virginity, because that would have made this situation even worse. Even though, that guy wasn’t all that great either.
His name was Henry, and he was the person to comfort Dan in his mourning over Phil. And, Dan was brainwashed, thinking that some guys are better than the one he fell for, gave him everything he had, but not four weeks later, did the end things. Dan thought he was doomed ever finding any sort of real love. Because even though Dan had Phil for a few short months, he still felt something more than just attraction.
He wished he remembered last night, to feel how Phil touched him, kissed him, felt him. How they connected in a way that they’ve never before, but both under the influence of alcohol running through their veins, making decisions for them before their minds could interfere with all the consequences that would follow.
Dan just felt like crying, because all of his feelings for the boy who had taken him for granted were flooding back like tidal waves, and if he just hadn’t fucking slept with him everything would have been fine, you dumbass, I can’t believe you-
He dragged his feet back up the carpeted stairs, just enough to turn the tap on his shower. Dan hadn’t quite seen himself that morning yet, so the surprise bruises scattered around his neck was quite the scare he saw in the mirror.
Hickeys were never something Dan liked, his neck was too sensitive for him to allow people near it, but well, Phil was an exception, he guessed. The marks were deep purple, fading into a red, then his skin tone. They were fucking dark. And they went from his neck, around his collar bones, to his V-line. The thought of having Phil’s mouth all over him made his skin crawl, and shiver. When he was sixteen, he dreamed of Phil’s mouth all over him, and now, after it happened, he only wanted more.
Phil was always so talented with everything he did, especially kissing, Dan decided. His plump lips were always so smooth against Dan’s, and the one time he actually moved to Dan’s neck, he never left a mark. Now, his neck is sensitive, and his actual skin is no different. He was so surprised when Phil pulled back, leaving no evidence that he was even there. And god, did Dan want proof Phil actually kissed his neck.
Looking at himself in the mirror now, was like a dream. This was his past self’s goal in life, to be marked up, claimed by Phil Lester himself. Dan had a sudden urge for more, to be covered in hickeys that Phil would have to suck and bite him to leave. Every sad emotion he was having before just turned- dirty. He wanted Phil to come back over, and have sex so they have something to remember by. It could be his teenage hormones, or it could be his crazy talking, but we all know it was both.
It would have been so easy to just ring him back over, logistically, but Dan had literally kicked Phil out earlier, so he wouldn’t be surprised if Phil hated his guts now. Could he blame him though?
Suddenly, after two years of telling himself no, Dan was saying go for it, despite his rule. Because maybe this was his shot again. Maybe Phil wasn’t an asshole, and had actual reasons to break up with Liz and every other person to ever date him ever, maybe Dan was different.
All this hype, and confidence, made Dan take the fastest shower he’s ever taken, because ohmigod he was actually going to do this, he was going to make the first move, he was going to invite Phil back over-
He was going to get Phil back.
Just the though made the sixteen-year-old Dan squeal, and tap his toes on the floor out of impatience. He denied his feelings for Phil every day, and suddenly, his entire path changed. It took a complete 180, because he went from hating Phil with every drop of blood in his body, to trying to get him back.
Even if it ended up only being sex.
Dan couldn’t stop staring at himself in the mirror. The marks on his skin, he knew, would turn into some type of drug for him. He loved it. He wanted to look like this all the time. The feeling of being claimed really turned him on, which was, apparently, a kink he had discovered this morning. But it wasn’t just being marked up, and claimed, he wanted it to be done by Phil.
A simple, comfortable outfit, would have to do for Dan, because, if Phil were to come over, he would need something easy to take off. Joggers and a t-shirt was the best he could do. And as Dan lunged for his bedside table to text Phil, tell him to come back over, he was notified that well, Phil had beat him to it. There were two notifications waiting to be read on his lock screen, both next to the simple name, of just Phil, no emoji, or anything to mark him as someone special.
Dan- sorry for last night, i understand if you need some space, but i really need to talk to you
text me if you decide you want to, i guess
Dan’s heart sank like a rock being thrown into the ocean, floating all the way to the bottom before being engulfed by the murky water, making the ocean floor not visible. Dan could’t just invite Phil over now, I mean, it hasn’t been forty minutes since Phil has left, and now things would be awkward, especially since Phil needed to apologize face to face, Dan thought that had to be the reason.
Then the memory of Liz, having her heart ripped out, and thrown in the garbage, right next to her v-card, by Phil was drawn back into his mind. Liz, who cried for months over Phil, probably never got an apology. What Phil did to Liz, was probably going to happen to Dan, for the second time.
The urge he had for Phil still remained, however. So Dan did what any person would do, wait it out.
Phil, on the other hand, was also freaking out. He too, still had feelings for Dan, obviously, and he doesn’t even know how he finally convinced Dan to give him a chance. He thought that after they reconnected, (literally, in this case,) he wouldn’t feel guilty, and everything would be great, and Dan wouldn’t hate him any more than he already did.
Except not really, they were both drunk and happen to hook up. It wasn’t really Dan giving him another chance, but more so, not saying no.
Phil could see it now, the broken pieces were coming together, but only if he doesn’t fuck up like he did again.
-
Phil scrambled for his phone, as he had left every conversation on do not disturb, except for the only person he cared to talk to, and his phone had finally chimed for the first time in two weeks. And it was exactly who he wanted. His beautiful diamond had finally shined over the sand again, and his was so grateful. Phil couldn’t get Dan off of his mind, because unlike Dan, Phil actually remembered that night with Dan more as time went on. And god, did he want Dan like that again.
He remembered having Dan all laid out in front of his, and he only wanted to kiss him, mark him, because he knew Dan loved it. After two years of trying to get him back, (well, trying to get him to go out, but he was never good at expressing that, as in, he attempts to make Dan jealous) this could finally be it for him. Phil wanted to kiss Dan like he did when they were sixteen.
He wanted to go back to that summer and change his decisions, so maybe he could have had Dan for as long as he wanted. Because even though Phil dated a few people, he never liked them, and appreciated them, as much as Dan. And they were purely to try and get Dan’s attention back on Phil. It never really worked.
“Hello?” Phil slid the screen so fast, it may have seemed desperate to Dan, with how quickly he answered.
“uh, hi, Phil. Look, I’m really sorry about kicking you out the other day, I was overwhelmed and I didn’t know what else to-”
Phil interrupted the sweet voice he had fallen in love with, even though he didn’t want to cut his time short from hearing it. “It’s okay, Dan, I came on too strong, and it was your house, you had the right to do it.” Phil exhaled. He seemed to talk faster and faster as his sentences dragged. Phil could hear Dan’s voice stutter, as if he was about to laugh, but held it back.
“In the text you sent me, um, you said you needed to, um, talk?” Dan could barely spit out his words. This moment had him so anxious these past two weeks, he basically forced his hand to hit the call button. And even then, he nearly hung up immediately.
Phil’s eyes lit up, because Dan actually remembered, but Phil didn’t. He couldn’t for the life of him remember what he needed to tell Dan. Of course, he could go with the plain obvious, and just fucking say how hopelessly head over heals he was for Dan, but there was something more, something that was perching on the tip of his tongue, but couldn’t quite spit out.
“Phil? If you don’t have anything to say, then I should probably-”
“Wait, sorry, just, uh, can we, um, meet?” Phil stumbled. He got onto his knees to attempt to search for his shoes under his bead, eventually pulling out the worn black converse. He held the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he awaited a reply.
“Like, now?”
“Um, yeah? If that’s okay?” Phil laced up his shoes, and shrugged on a light jacket- the England weather had turned quite shit, with rain being the most common in their area, oppose from the lovely sunshine they had a little bit ago.
“I don’t know, Phil, I-”
Yeah, two weeks ago Dan was literally ready to have Phil back, but he was glad he gave himself time to think. Because maybe he didn’t want his fucking heart broken again, by the same person that ripped into pieces in the first place. He couldn’t make it that easy for Phil to just waltz back into his life.
“Please? I can be quick, i just don’t want to do this on the phone.” Phil took a deep breath, about to walk out the front door of his house, still not remembering what he had to say to Dan.
“Fine.”
Phil cut the call, running out to his car, and speeding to get to Dan’s house.
Dan hadn’t been to keen on letting Phil come over again, but he needed closure, and if having a cup of tea in the awkward silence of his living room meant closure, then so be it. The marks on his neck had faded drastically, but you could still see the ghosting of where there was one before. That wasn’t fun explaining to his parents.
He really just wanted to take back everything that happened at the party, because it brought up old feelings that he really didn’t want anymore. Dan sighed, running a hand through his hair. What was Phil Lester doing to him?
Dan had his music on the speaker in the leaving room, trying to calm his nerves as he waited for Phil to arrive. And all that was running through his mind was ohmygodwhy on repeat, but it was too late for him to cancel. He didn’t even know what to expect from Phil this time, if he was looking to just hook up again, or if he was going to apologize, he had no idea.
Dan tried to distract himself, counting the freckles going up and down his arms, rearranging the cushions on the couch, changing his outfit for the billionth time, he just had to keep himself busy.
Dan was feeling so anxious over this, he couldn’t stay still, so when he heard the doorbell, his jitters intensified, and he could barely walk to the door without stumbling. He yanked the door open and it looked like Phil was in the same state of him.
He was wearing all black, and god, did he look so hot, in that form fitting t-shirt, and when he saw Dan, his smile was just so- calming, knowing that yeah, this is Phil. This is the Phil that he care for so deeply two years ago, he was standing right in front of him.The eye contact they shared, it made Dan feel like they were sixteen, both with very awful taste in clothing, inexperienced, and much shorter.
Dan had forgotten how much Phil actually meant to him, as all he did was suppress the pain he went through when Phil left him.The only reason he didn’t grab Phil’s face, and kiss the life out of him, is the fact that Phil came here to talk.
“Dan, I-” Phil started, but Dan flung the door open, letting him in. He didn’t want Phil to talk while standing outside, because A) its rude, and B) he didn’t want Phil to just be in and out.
Phil smiled, walking in, letting Dan lead them to the couch. “Do you want some tea, or anything?” Dan asked, procrastinating this talk even more. Phil chuckled, grabbing Dan’s hands, and pulling him down onto the couch. Dan took a deep breath, trying to relax himself. It was just Phil.
And that thought scared him.
Even though he was looking at the Phil he fell for, two years ago, he couldn’t forget about all of the awful things he had done in the time between now, and when they broke off. He just wanted his Phil back.
“Dan, I wanted to talk to you about what happened between us,” Phil started. Dan sat on one of his leg, so he could face Phil better. He sighed, running a hand through his curly hair.
“It was a mistake, Phil. We were both drunk, and our bodies did things before our minds could inter-”
“I wasn’t really talking about that. I meant, um, two years ago.” Phil gave a small smile, and Dan’s face fell.
Dan didn’t really like talking about him and Phil a whole lot, he didn’t want to remember what he felt for Phil, so his solution was to just not say anything about it with people. He hated remembering how happy Phil made him, because it only made him feel responsible for all the shitty feelings people had when with Phil, even though he had no reason to feel that way.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I just, I couldn’t stop thinking about you after I made the clearly wrong decision. You were always on my mind, everything I saw reminded me of you, and it was like anything just screamed ‘Dan Howell’ to me, and it honestly was destroying me.“But I couldn’t just go back to you, no, my fucking choice was to try and make you fucking jealous, and end up hurting you more, and I was hurting others because I just, it didn’t feel the same.
“Now don’t get me wrong, I loved the fact that you hated me. I have no idea why, it was just, I don’t know, I found it so hot that you didn’t like me, or some god awful reason, and it was like a challenge for me to win you back.” Dan’s frown was slowly turning into a smile.
Phil wasn’t even looking at him as he spoke, but his hands were moving all around, expressing so much passion into this conversation as he rambled. Dan couldn’t believe that this was all about him, Phil was talking from his heart, and he was falling for him all over again.
“And I thought I was over you, I really did, but when you started dating someone, it would make my skin crawl.” Phil laughing slightly when Dan did, and Dan moved a little closer to Phil, laying his arm across the back on the couch, as if he had his arm around Phil, without touching him. “I couldn’t even imagine somebody holding you under the stars like we used to do, because I was supposed to be the person doing that. I was supposed to be the person holding your hand in the car as Muse blasted through the speakers, I was supposed to be the person running my fingers through your hair when you were stressed, and couldn’t deal with anything else. I hated the fact that I had taken the connection we had for granted.”
Dan blushed, looking away from Phil. His words were magic, and he could tell Phil had thought about this a lot. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand, bringing his attention back to him. And Dan let Phil hold his hand, something that Phil thought he would never be able to do again. His slightly calloused fingers slotted perfectly into his, and he swore he felt sparks when they touched.
“And then we fucking slept together. We slept together, Dan! I barely remember anything, but I knew I had convinced you, I had kissed you, and I hate myself for it, because I didn’t have the guts to tell you how much I fucking like you sober. Because I do, god, I do. And I just, I’ve wanted you back since that summer. Since our summer had ended.” Phil had moved himself so they were almost on top of each other. Dan’s mind was racing, everything he had just said made him want to cry. Nobody had ever spoken about him that way, and the feeling was so indescribable.
They sat there, remaining eye contact with one another, hand in hand, processing the feeling just exchanged, and Dan did it. He launched forward, smashing his lips against Phil’s, nearly knocking him over. Phil responded immediately, letting go of Dan’s hand, and bringing them to his back. Dan brought his hands around Phil’s neck, and pushed him, so he was laying on top of Phil.
Both of them laughed, when they separated for air, bumping their noses together. Phil leaned back up, pressing their lips together. They had forgotten how amazing their kissing was, electricity was flowing through their bodies, sparks were flying, because fucking finally, they realized hoe meant for each other they were. Their lips moved together as if it were natural, like they were made to do this together.
-
“Are you sure it’s tonight?” Phil asked, he hugged his hoodie closer, as Dan practically dragged him to the pickup truck in Phil’s driveway. Dan rolled his eyes, throwing the blankets into the flatbed.
“I promise. Now c’mon, I don’t want to miss it.” Dan threw the keys at Phil, who caught them with surprise.
Today was the day Dan was supposed to throw the last party of sixth form. Everything was planned as well, Dan’s parents were out of town, again, Phil had helped spread the word, and they had a shit ton of food. But when Dan found out about the meteor shower happening, he dropped the party like a hot cake, and was dragging Phil out to the county at eleven p.m.
They were relaxing on the couch, with Dan’s head in Phil’s lap. Dan was paying attention to the anime on the telly, but Phil had his eyes on the iPhone game, while the other hand played with the curly locks of the boy he loved, when Dan suddenly sprang up, remembering the exact reason he had cancelled his party that night, why they were at Phil’s house instead of Dan’s, and dragged Phil out the front door, leaving the warmth behind, and entering the bite of the cold outdoors, even though it was June
Phil didn’t mind though. The only thing he cared about was the beautiful diamond that he had to hold in his arms tonight, because he finally collected all the pieces he had lost. It was nice to call Dan his after so long of a disconnection, he’d do anything for his Dan. And if that meant going out to sit in the middle of nowhere to see shooting stars that probably won’t be very visible, then he’d damn well do it. He’d do it just to see the little crinkles in Dan’s face when he smiled, the sparkle in his eyes when he’d finally see what he was looking for, or the way he’d get jumpy, and excited during times leading up to plans. It was Phil’s favorite.
As Phil drove, he realized that he lived for these moments with Dan, he couldn’t imagine his life without Dan by his side anymore. All his future plans revolved around him,(but Dan didn’t know that) Dan was the actual reason of his existence. Just the thought of not waking up in the morning and not having his usual ‘good morning, love’ text from Dan made his face fall.
Phil really didn’t know what he was missing out on during their two year gap.
But all that mattered now, was that he was heading out to go watch the stars with his favorite person on the planet, and he couldn’t have been more happy to say that.
//hello hi this is the end. I really tried w this one, but i didn’t like the end result as much as i hoped, sorry the quality went to shit after the first bit lol. tanks for reeading :) also the theme didnt really keep up but its whatever im sorryyyyyy
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