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#idk what he’s smoking but I need it
sluckythewizard · 3 months
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THEY could give me the surgurey i need (inspired alot by evojellys designs for em. GREAT STUFF)
#THE SUCKENING IS S O COOOOL GUYS VIV N VEX ARE SO FUCKING COOL AND FUNNY... CHARLIES FLAVOR OF DERANGED IS JUST#SO PERFECT FOR THIS CAMPAIGN.. I LOVE HOW HE DOES HORROR AND EVIL AND SCARY AND AAUAUUUGHGHGUUHGHG#their teeht arnt spiked like normal vampires but theyre sharp n smooth like a Beak. in my beautiful heart#ALSO UGHGHGH BIG SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 7 BUT#THAT THING WITH THE MAP. WITH THE DEMONS N VAMPS. THEYRE KEEPING TRACK OF THEM.#'so viv. was that one of mine or one of yours?' IS THIS A PET PROJECT OF THEIRS OR SOMETHING. ARE THEY PULLING MORE STRINGS THAN WE THINK#IS ONE TUGGING AT THE DEMONS AND THE OTHER TUGGING AT THE FANGS? PITTING THEM AGAINST EACHOTHER SO THEY KILL EACHOTHER?#AND THEN ITS EASIER TO TAKE THE BODIES FOR THEIR FUNNY CREATIONS?? IT PROLLY WASNT EASY TO GET SUPPLIES B4 EDWARD CAME INTO POWER#BUT OH MY GOD.. POOR EMIZEL.. THE MEMORY OF HIS CREW WAS TAKEN AND THEN HE WATCHES A BUNCHA THEM GET HORRIBLY DISMATNLED N DISTORTED#HE KNOWS HE CARED FOR THEM AT SOMEPOINT N HE KNOWS THE MEMORIES WERE TAKEN BUT HE JUST. CANT. AUAUUGGUAHGUAHGUAHGUHG#THAT SUCKS SO BAD FOR HIMMM EMIZEEEELL EMIZEL CMERE BABY BOY ILL SMOKE U OUT BOY. GET AWAY FROM THOSE EVIL GUYS I AM BETTER N CAN BE TRUSTE#viv n vex are so cool...theyre fuckin CRAAZYY N SCARYYY BUT ALSO. SO FUNNY... I LOVE A PUNNY JACKASS... 'LOOKS LIKE YOUVE BEEN: DISARMED!'#'IVE MADE THAT JOKE 6 TIMES AND ITS STILL FUNNY EVERYTIME' i gotta draw more of their bullshit...#im already doodling up the 'YOU CAN CALL ME MOMMY!!' bit. i gotta draw more o the monstors n the horrors too... especially emizels sire UGH#I LOVE VILLIAINS THAT ARE SO GENUINELY SCARY BUT SO FUNNY... charlie just does evil ppl like no one else idk what it ISSSS#okayokayoka y im normal im. relistening to the ep n im at the edward part. oh my god. i actually love him. he actually makes my skin crawl#IM DONEthats my rambles for tha day. back into my hole i go. also i have comms open. cmere pspspss i need moneyyy heyyyy cmereeeee#check out my main artblog. GO!!!
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miraofhearts2point0 · 2 months
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i find it so funny that if Chishiya can't find a solution he just resorts to violence immediately like yeah. thats.. thats my boy.
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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akwchi · 1 year
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when he died - lemon demon
grown!akechi hiding from the public is heavy on my mind
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selkiecoded · 4 months
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to meee :3 akechi and sumire arent exactly friends throughout january, (they only get really close several years later) but as a side effect of neither having anything better to do and the two constantly haunting kichijoji i think they inevitably fall together more often than not. ren takes sumire out for darts and shes weirdly better than she was last time (sidebar but the fact that sumire and akechi both mimic your throws but sumire sucks shit at darts too much for it to do any good is so cute) and shes like oh yeah akechi-san has been teaching me. oh wow i got a forty! unaware of the way she just blew rens mind.
#the clock chimes at midnight#its not all about you ren!!!!!#sidebar to the sidebar. of course sumire imitates your dart throws. of course.#again theyre too busy fighting for their respective lives in the time loop to actually become friends in january#but i do think in the years before meeting again they think of the time with fond bittersweetness of what couldve been.#theyre not really going out together but more mutually keeping each other company lol. its generally a pretty quiet affair.#sumire doesnt really ask him for advice as she puts herself back together (he tends to get acerbic if she tries)#but he can be a pretty decent sounding board for either really simple (red or blue glasses)#or really philosophical (do you think my time as kasumi irrevocably changed who i am and if so am i still sumire) questions.#he does not tell her anything concrete about why the other thieves are so tense with him and she doesnt ask outright#but she able to glean a bit more about him through these discussions. and sadly for both of them they both actually sort of like each other#they get food. play darts. practice mementos on their own a few times (THEY GET A SHOWTIME STOP LYING TO ME!!).#and i sort of think akechi smokes either hes always done it or very recently picked it up now that he no longer needs to be personable#and sumires like well. im going to remain myself but i still want to do smth self-destructive. smoke me up man.#(also all her clothes smell like kasumi and its freaking her out. she doesnt mind smelling bad if itll distinguish her.)#idk. akesumi smiles gently.
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illegiblehandwriting1 · 9 months
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lmaooooo who's up for a repetitive convo while casually fighting some skeletons
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arts-and-drafts · 8 months
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Ugly Things (Dream SMP)
(In which Tommy and Wilbur have a fight. I've always been morbidly captivated by Pogtopia and the stress it put on everybody involved before the 16th, so this is a little 'what-if' writing exercise of a night that may or may not have occurred :) enjoy!)
CWs: Smoking, mentions of violence
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Tommy wakes himself up by coughing.
There's a disgusting itch in the back of his throat, and his sinuses are filled with tobacco stench. Bleary irritation spurs him to get out of bed, his body protesting every movement.
Tommy has gotten very little sleep since making Pogtopia their base, and every time he wakes up he is sore from the thin mattress barely making the stone floor any more comfortable.
All this to say he treasures any sleep that he can get, and he is pissed as hell that he's woken from it.
He knows without needing to check that the source of the smoke is Wilbur. Tommy sets off to find him.
It's not exactly hard; Pogtopia is remarkably simple once you know your way around, and there's only a few places you can go for privacy.
Just as he suspected, he finds Wilbur in the farthest side of the ravine by the nether portal, absently smoking a cigarette as he stares into the purple gateway. Tommy pulls his shirt up over his nose in disgust.
"I thought you said you were gonna quit."
Wilbur startles, and turns. His face is gaunt and shadowed in the faint glow of the portal.
"What are you doing up?" Wilbur ignores Tommy's statement. His voice is scratchy and hoarse. Tommy scowls.
"The fuckin' smell woke me up, dickhead." Tommy grumbles. "The portal isn't like a window."
"Sorry." Wilbur says. He doesn't sound sorry at all. "I can't exactly go outside."
"You could not smoke." Tommy presses, irritable. It's too fucking early for this.
Wilbur's face is a mask of indifference. Tommy knows it's a mask, because he knows Wilbur. To anyone else, it would be a real expression. Real apathy.
Tommy knows that it's hiding something.
"It helps me." Wilbur says. It's a conversation they have had a million times over. Tommy narrows his eyes.
"Well, it hurts me." Tommy snaps, the last of his sentence petering into a cough. Wilbur's face goes stony.
"You'll be fine. Go back to sleep, Tommy."
Somehow the words snap Tommy right awake.
Maybe it's built up anger that makes Tommy summon his water bucket from his inventory. Maybe it's misdirected grief at the fact that they're hiding in this shitty fucking ravine in the first place. Maybe it's a lot of things.
Whatever the reason really is doesn't matter. Tommy still throws the water on Wilbur before the man can register the action.
Wilbur finally shows real emotion in the form of sputtering and stumbling, nearly tripping back through the portal.
His cigarette is out, and his glare is piercing hatred. Tommy meets it unflinchingly.
"What the fuck is your problem?!" Wilbur yells. His voice is grating and cracks with emotion, and it riles Tommy up in turn.
"You told me you fucking quit!!" Tommy yells back, raising his voice to match Wilbur's. Their shouts echo off the walls until their voices are just ringing noise in his ears.
"Fucking Christ, Tommy, that doesn't mean you get to waterboard me!!" Wilbur screams. He's pissed good and proper, like Tommy knew he would be.
"'Go back to sleep, you'll be fine.'" Tommy throws Wilbur's words back at him with a sneer, and Wilbur throws back his fist.
Tommy flinches before his mind catches up with what the hell Wilbur just did. For a fleeting second, Wilbur's face displays raw emotion; horror, then anger, then finally settles back into the mask.
Wilbur lowers his arm with a practiced breath, and without another word, turns and walks right through the portal. Tommy is alone, and suddenly extremely aware of how he positioned his bucket like a shield in that split second of reaction.
Against his brother. His brother, who had never before come that close to hitting him in earnest.
Tommy's eyes sting horribly, and he fights back tears in favor for stomping back to his bed. He isn't fucking sorry. Wilbur was the one being a goddamn asshole.
Tommy throws his bucket to the ground as hard as he can, and then kicks it away for good measure. The clanging echoes up the unforgiving stone walls, mocking him. They look like teeth in the torchlight, as if the ravine is just a gaping maw waiting to swallow him whole.
He feels an ugly thing in his chest that he knows he needs to cry out, but he won't give Wilbur that fucking satisfaction. Instead, he throws himself onto his mattress, wincing at how the stone floor digs into him like the padding isn't even there.
Wilbur is gone for a long time. Tommy pretends to be asleep when he finally hears the man come back through the portal, and listens for his breathing until it's evened out into sleep.
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Wilbur is still pissed off from the night before, obviously.
But he wakes up to find his and Tommy's mattresses pressed together, and his previous anger sticks in his throat.
He doesn't throw away his cigarettes.
END.
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William Petersen as Will Graham in Manhunter (1986)
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antennatoheaven · 3 months
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i like how my dreams lately have been ranging from "i dreamt that the brother i never had tried choking me out on my bedroom floor with an eerilie blank face, only to let me go after an indefinite amount of time without a word" to "i dreamt that my dad was optimus prime and we were eating smoked eel together :]"
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potatobugz · 5 months
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comimg back to Grimm Jrwi after finishing ep 67, i conclude that he is like the personification of a cigarette
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theinfinitedivides · 6 months
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now y'all know the f*cked up sh*t about this is the k-pop fans will be defending these f*ckers but at the same time we have domestic ones trying to kick Seunghan out of RIIZE........... do you see where i'm going with this
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bibleofficial · 7 months
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so the majority of my building seems to be chinese so i’m just going to learn mandarin via cultural osmosis
#stream#& force my flatmates to help teach me ALSKALKSALSKALSK#yesterday i woke up & saw arthur & yen je in the kitchen & went ni hao yall :) & they got a kick out of it ALSKALSLALSLALSKALSLAL#i love them so much#then last night there’s this chinese smoker on i think it’s floor 1 or 2 (us floor 2 or 3 - im on 4) & he was smoking outside once & i just#went up to him & said ‘are u chinese ?’ ‘yes’ then i asked him abt chinese cigarettes bc YEN JE SAID THAT THE CHINESE PREFER THE CHINESE#CIGS BC THE WESTERN 1S TASTE FUNNY SO I TOLD LI (this is the name of the smoker) that & he said he doesn’t taste a difference between the 2#so i ran into him last night again & he had his cigarettes so he gave me 1 of his to try & honestly ?????? SMOOTH BRO IDK WHAT BRAND IT IS#WHEN I SEE HIM AGAIN I WILL ASK - so i gave him a marlboro red & the immediate differences is the size - chinese are much much thinner#compared to my red & sooooo SMOOTH so so SMOOTH omg such a clean smoke vs MARLBORO WHERE ITS LIKE UR INHALING FUCKING COAL 😭😭😭😭#anyway#that’s all i’ve done#i went to the antique store & found a cigarette case - mosda streamline 500 w lighter - so i was trying to see if i can refill like obvs#it’s petrol not butane so i was taking apart the lighter & needed a screwdriver & went to this hardware store to get some & then started#talking w the guys there & i was like hey so quick question r u familiar w qat/chat ? :3 & then one of them has a yemeni dealer so he’s goin#to ask for me so WERK#BLESS#GETTING MY DISSERTATION CONNECTIONS MADE#BUT ANYWAY i was telling them abt the lighter bc they were lookin at it like ‘this i waht my grandfather used 😭😭’ but also yea probably bc#IT TURNS OUT THIS WAS THE 50S ERA PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE so they were DISPOSABLE - these heavy metal steel lighters u cannot refill u would#just bin it & get another so i’m going to see if i can find someone to rig it to be a butane one bc i love it it’s a GORGEOUS lighter but#it’s empty - like even the flint has calcified or whatever u want to call it - it won’t spark#so i’m on the hunt to find a new refillable antique lighter until i can get this one proper configured bc i did take it apart but then tried#to put it back together but i fucked up the spring a bit 😭😭 i took it apart to clean all the gunk out & to see if i could remove the top but#no it’s totally sealed which SUCKS but i do have the lighter & case so it’s dope as fuck - also got a flask stainless steel so it’s not#antique probably but i can’t find literally ANY copies of this damn flask anywehre it’s a st. louis spirit plane flask the bitch from 1927#lol or whatever ALSKALSKLAKSALSJLA anyway that’s that#& now i’m high & have class in like an hour - still jet lagged & committing fully to alcoholism#but also chainsmoking 🥲 - IM LONLEY !!! I DONT KNOW ANYONE !!!!!!!#but also i need a pot pan & baking tray & chopsticks then i can actually cook
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shana-rosee · 1 year
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He’s the kind of guy who needs you- testosterone-fueled and smoking a cigarette. It was messed up but I’m figuring it out. You can’t blurt the kind of terrifying shit- he’s just a fucking job.
Mix That Human Stuff In by Erin Dorney
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i-am-a-fucking-nerd · 10 months
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have a horrible headache and usually headaches are a combo of things (esp not eating/sleeping enough) which could be the reason i have one today but. also i smoked thu which was 2 days ago and usually i get a headache 2 days after smoking. and im just. i already wrote a diary entry talking abt it and how i feel guilty and bad for like a million different reasons but now i'm also just incredibly frustrated w myself bc why do i do this!!!!!!!!!!!! i can go weeks and months w/o smoking i don't NEED to do this!!!!!
#smoking#tw smoking#havilah's thoughts#addiction#tw addiction#nicotine#like i feel like i Know that i can just not smoke idk why i sometimes do it anyway bc it's literally only negatives#i've never had a.... i guess a 'strong' smoking habit? like usually it is weeks and v often it is months btwn cigs#i just sometimes get mad and wanna do Smth that will make me feel more bad but also kinda better????????? it doesn't make sense i know#this time i felt Particularly guilty bc just a little bit ago i was hanging out w my friend and he hugged me and told me he's glad i haven'#been smoking a lot lately and a buncha nice things i'll keep to myself but. i just. and then i got home and had a letter from my grandma#that was so so sweet and my grandma used to smoke and she quit before i was born and she used to tell me when i was a kid how horrible it i#and now i have a headache and i /hate/ headaches and it felt dirty and i felt slimy for hiding it from my roommate n for feeling like i was#lying to ppl that care abt me#i know i felt calm too. i know it somewhat feels nice. the sensation is diff from anything else and i like it. i know i sometimes need to d#smth that feels. like. drastic and like it's gonna kill me w/o killing me#but it just. i KNOW that it's not worth it later!!!!!!! i know that i feel horrible and the negatives outweigh the positives by a lot!!!!!!#but i never throw away the pack. it's like. idk. idk what to do to just Not do it.#anyway uh. lemme put additional warnings for what i ended up saying in the tags#suicide#suicidal ideation#depression#i guess idk. just covering my bases i guess so ppl don't see smth they don't wanna see
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Daily Log 9
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Worked on the previously mentioned tapestry style painting thing for like 5-6 hours today (with a few breaks in between), and that's just for the border around the main picture lol.. I think all the little sections and detail always take longer than I think they might. But hopefully the final product will look interesting! :0
I feel like I'm entering another Sick Phase where I just am weird/ill/sleepy/having joint pains much of the day (probably some vitamin deficiencies or hormone imbalances or general bodily inflammation or whatever nonsense seems to randomly pop up from time to time lol), so couldn't focus on anything more intensive like writing or editing videos, unfortunately. It's good to have smaller crafts I can do that don't take much mental effort and are just menial hand tasks (like carving, painting, sculpting, etc.), but I still always feel frustrated falling behind on the things I see as much more broadly significant to my overall life and potential career (making games, writing, finishing videos, socializing, costumes, etc.)
Organized my desk a little. Responded to some doctor emails. Paid bills.
Planned out something I might make with pressed flowers tomorrow.
Edited like 4 costume photos.
Also have a lingering sense of dread due to the weather. The heat often makes me feel terrible, and if I'm already in kind of a Bad Phase at the moment, I'm afraid of it making it even worse... stimky..
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Which I know these temperatures are nothing to some people but.. to me... aUGHHHH... I am abnormally heat sensitive + live in a dinky old apartment with no ventilation that gets direct sun the hottest part of the day.. on a 90F day outside, it literally gets about 84F inside.. like.. even people who love the heat I feel like would struggle to sleep at night if their bed is 85F lol... hewwo.. You can spray yourself down with water, drink ice water, put a fan on yourself, etc. etc. but.. sometimes it just feels so oppressive and inescapable..
ANYWAY. Aside from painting, feeling weird, and dreading the upcoming heat/contemplating my entire life and how to get enough money to move to a different climate somehow one day/existential exhaustion/etc., I didn't accomplish very much lol
Spent maybe 30 minutes thinking about a little more worldbuilding stuff, and some things in reference to the game I mentioned resuming work on at some point.
Notable sights: The clouds were really pretty and pastel this afternoon, and some stars are visible in the sky for once since the nights are beginning to be clearer. The 'forget me not' flowers that I thought had died after transplanting actually seemed to be perked up and healthy looking today, and perhaps may actually survive. >:3
Goals moving forward: Do new poll adventure post. focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with the ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Not much, kind of a warm day so didn't really want to use the oven. No idea how I'll handle the diet I've been put on by my doctors (involves usually cooking all food fresh, using the stove a lot, nothing is supposed to be canned or processed or premade, so that eliminates a lot of 'quick easy simple warm weather' meals, etc. etc.) during the heatwave. I might just have to break the diet a little and hope it doesn't give me stomach pains while I'm already hot and feeling sick lol..
I did have a boiled egg with some green onions on top, which is very simple but was refreshing somehow lol. Another ice cold ginger ale treat today, and some cold prune juice (which I know most people find gross/it's an old person food/etc., but I like that it's a smooth textured and not very sweet juice? Like it's slightly thicker than apple juice, has a lightly bitter taste, etc. I just find it nice for some reason. More evidence I am secretly an 85 year old wizard)
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#why can't it be global cooling instead of global warming.. what if everything was just ice and I was comfortable and happy all year around#heat also sometimes gives me like a.. mild situational claustrophobia (like not a place that you are confined in/can't escape#but more an environmental factor that's all consuming. Like when there's fires and smoke fills the sky for days and it's like no matter#where you are you could never get away from it unless you're locked inside shut off from the entire world. if you need a breath#of fresh air or are feeling too confined you no longer have the option of going outside. it's all toxic. etc.)#Or like part of why I hate long car rides is for that reason. If I'm 3 hours away from home there is no way for me to get home#other than to ride 3 hours back. If I suddenly decided I really would rather be home I could not get home quickly. the 3 hours#to get home is an inescapable barrier. No matter how sick I started feeling or how bad things are and how much I wish I was comfortable#and safe at home - the only way to get there is to get there. you knowwhat I mean lol? I can't just be home in 20 minutes#it's a 3 hour ride or nothing. etc. etc. Like if you're on a ship in the middle of the ocean and suddenly just desperately decided you need#to be back on land. there isn't anything you can do. nothing will get you back on land but to stay on the ship and travel the hours it take#to get there. there's no quick exit. No way out that isn't doing the thing you already really don't want to be doing anymore (being in a ca#r or being in a ocean or etc. No alternative route but to just suffer the situation longer). idk.. if that makes sense??#so with the heat sometimes it's like.. it's hot INSIDE and it's hot OUTSIDE and it's hot everywhere you go theres no escape#from it and nothing you can do but just.. be hot. no matter how desperate you are to just BE COLD even for a few minutes#you simply don't have the option. The only way to get cool again is to just wait out the hot weather. You can yearn for the feeling of a#cool breeze all you want but abdolutely nothing will get you colder than just to be miserable in place and wait for the passage of time.#I always get that feeling in the summer like after five 90+F degree days in a row you're like AAAAAAAAAA#JUST AN ESCAPE JUST A QUICK ESCAPE DEAR LORD ' and then 5 minutes later like 'hee he. no its fine. haha. im actually so okay#with my situation i am coping.' short bursts of heat induced frantic anxiety with some resigned calm in between ghjgj#ANYWAY. yes every year I complain about the same thing. I am a hater and a complainer first and foremost ggh.. I love to be honest and#express my thoughts and opinions. I think way too many people are so reserved and repress everything for the sake of like social etiquitte#or personal insecurity (like owrrying they're being annoying or talking too much or that novody cares what they say etc.)#and then that ends up causing passive agression and communication issues and resentments that boil under the surface for years because they#re never adequately expressed. I don't think complaining is an inherently negative thing and it's weird to me that people react so#like it's some sort of moral thing to be against it. Like of course within reason. don't complain to the point that you appreciate#none of the good things around you or like where you start bullying people or something. but broadly speaking. being able to express your#concerns and thoughts in small bursts easily and openly and release some of that tension is better than just holding onto it all and having#it come out larger later or making you internally miserable or etc.. ANYWAY.. yeaghh.. hate heat.. hopefully done with painting soon.etc.#daily log
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romeoandromeo · 2 years
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#so bored rn i want to write but i don't want to get up and go to the computer to do so and also I'm shit out of ideas#and also i took a sleep aid so i should actually probably be trying to sleep instead of writing or browsing Tumblr#idk today was just very unfulfilling i guess#i was supposed to see my friend and chill and get high#but he got called into work and so i just went to the bmv instead because I've been putting off getting my new license and i had nothing#better to do so i just got that shit out of the way#i didn't get a chance to buy cigarettes so I've been without nic all day long and it's making me restless#I've been inside literally all day I'm going stir crazy i need some nature#but it was hot today#well hot compared to what it has been it was only 78 today and i come from Florida so i shouldn't be completing#complaining i mean#but like all week it's been in the fifties and I've been loving it i feel like I'm living with this cold weather#I'm literally in bed sweating rn i feel like I'm still down south#i can't continue the YouTube video I'm watching because i think this sleep aid is making things influence my dreams#and i was watching a playthrough of a game that makes me paranoid but I'm sucked in and i just don't feel like being schizophrenic rn#who am i kidding I'm always schizophrenic lol maybe i should get back on meds idk just don't feel like being extra paranoid ig#i have a roach but no one hitter and i found literally a pinch of weed#but how can i smoke it? idk where my bfs pipe is and also my parents bedroom window is open so they would literally smell it#im not trying to get kicked out 🙄 can't leave the house because the garage makes too much noise and idk our front door is weird#also where would I even go?? wtf#idk im literally just so incredibly bored and i want to do anything but sleep i really want to be outside smoking really#anything a blunt a cigarette... idc id even take a damn vape and i literally hate vaping#well i guess i don't megahate it but still#ugh what do i even dooooooooo. i want to be under the influence of somethingggggg but we don't even have any alcohol....#well... i have a few blue moons in my car which i should probably get that shit out of there they've been under my seat for months#but I don't want beer :/ i need like a buzzball or smth also?? ever since i moved and have had to buy something that i need to show my id i#i keep getting dirty looks from the clerks??? like what'd i do I'm literally just buying a pack of cigarettes.. and you hardcore stare at#my id and then give me the evil eye for what?? I'm of age??? stick up your ass much???#idfc i started giving them dirty looks right back like i did nothing wrong and you're out to get me for no reason ://#what was i talking about before this???
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