Ugly Things (Dream SMP)
(In which Tommy and Wilbur have a fight. I've always been morbidly captivated by Pogtopia and the stress it put on everybody involved before the 16th, so this is a little 'what-if' writing exercise of a night that may or may not have occurred :) enjoy!)
CWs: Smoking, mentions of violence
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Tommy wakes himself up by coughing.
There's a disgusting itch in the back of his throat, and his sinuses are filled with tobacco stench. Bleary irritation spurs him to get out of bed, his body protesting every movement.
Tommy has gotten very little sleep since making Pogtopia their base, and every time he wakes up he is sore from the thin mattress barely making the stone floor any more comfortable.
All this to say he treasures any sleep that he can get, and he is pissed as hell that he's woken from it.
He knows without needing to check that the source of the smoke is Wilbur. Tommy sets off to find him.
It's not exactly hard; Pogtopia is remarkably simple once you know your way around, and there's only a few places you can go for privacy.
Just as he suspected, he finds Wilbur in the farthest side of the ravine by the nether portal, absently smoking a cigarette as he stares into the purple gateway. Tommy pulls his shirt up over his nose in disgust.
"I thought you said you were gonna quit."
Wilbur startles, and turns. His face is gaunt and shadowed in the faint glow of the portal.
"What are you doing up?" Wilbur ignores Tommy's statement. His voice is scratchy and hoarse. Tommy scowls.
"The fuckin' smell woke me up, dickhead." Tommy grumbles. "The portal isn't like a window."
"Sorry." Wilbur says. He doesn't sound sorry at all. "I can't exactly go outside."
"You could not smoke." Tommy presses, irritable. It's too fucking early for this.
Wilbur's face is a mask of indifference. Tommy knows it's a mask, because he knows Wilbur. To anyone else, it would be a real expression. Real apathy.
Tommy knows that it's hiding something.
"It helps me." Wilbur says. It's a conversation they have had a million times over. Tommy narrows his eyes.
"Well, it hurts me." Tommy snaps, the last of his sentence petering into a cough. Wilbur's face goes stony.
"You'll be fine. Go back to sleep, Tommy."
Somehow the words snap Tommy right awake.
Maybe it's built up anger that makes Tommy summon his water bucket from his inventory. Maybe it's misdirected grief at the fact that they're hiding in this shitty fucking ravine in the first place. Maybe it's a lot of things.
Whatever the reason really is doesn't matter. Tommy still throws the water on Wilbur before the man can register the action.
Wilbur finally shows real emotion in the form of sputtering and stumbling, nearly tripping back through the portal.
His cigarette is out, and his glare is piercing hatred. Tommy meets it unflinchingly.
"What the fuck is your problem?!" Wilbur yells. His voice is grating and cracks with emotion, and it riles Tommy up in turn.
"You told me you fucking quit!!" Tommy yells back, raising his voice to match Wilbur's. Their shouts echo off the walls until their voices are just ringing noise in his ears.
"Fucking Christ, Tommy, that doesn't mean you get to waterboard me!!" Wilbur screams. He's pissed good and proper, like Tommy knew he would be.
"'Go back to sleep, you'll be fine.'" Tommy throws Wilbur's words back at him with a sneer, and Wilbur throws back his fist.
Tommy flinches before his mind catches up with what the hell Wilbur just did. For a fleeting second, Wilbur's face displays raw emotion; horror, then anger, then finally settles back into the mask.
Wilbur lowers his arm with a practiced breath, and without another word, turns and walks right through the portal. Tommy is alone, and suddenly extremely aware of how he positioned his bucket like a shield in that split second of reaction.
Against his brother. His brother, who had never before come that close to hitting him in earnest.
Tommy's eyes sting horribly, and he fights back tears in favor for stomping back to his bed. He isn't fucking sorry. Wilbur was the one being a goddamn asshole.
Tommy throws his bucket to the ground as hard as he can, and then kicks it away for good measure. The clanging echoes up the unforgiving stone walls, mocking him. They look like teeth in the torchlight, as if the ravine is just a gaping maw waiting to swallow him whole.
He feels an ugly thing in his chest that he knows he needs to cry out, but he won't give Wilbur that fucking satisfaction. Instead, he throws himself onto his mattress, wincing at how the stone floor digs into him like the padding isn't even there.
Wilbur is gone for a long time. Tommy pretends to be asleep when he finally hears the man come back through the portal, and listens for his breathing until it's evened out into sleep.
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Wilbur is still pissed off from the night before, obviously.
But he wakes up to find his and Tommy's mattresses pressed together, and his previous anger sticks in his throat.
He doesn't throw away his cigarettes.
END.
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Daily Log 9
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Worked on the previously mentioned tapestry style painting thing for like 5-6 hours today (with a few breaks in between), and that's just for the border around the main picture lol.. I think all the little sections and detail always take longer than I think they might. But hopefully the final product will look interesting! :0
I feel like I'm entering another Sick Phase where I just am weird/ill/sleepy/having joint pains much of the day (probably some vitamin deficiencies or hormone imbalances or general bodily inflammation or whatever nonsense seems to randomly pop up from time to time lol), so couldn't focus on anything more intensive like writing or editing videos, unfortunately. It's good to have smaller crafts I can do that don't take much mental effort and are just menial hand tasks (like carving, painting, sculpting, etc.), but I still always feel frustrated falling behind on the things I see as much more broadly significant to my overall life and potential career (making games, writing, finishing videos, socializing, costumes, etc.)
Organized my desk a little. Responded to some doctor emails. Paid bills.
Planned out something I might make with pressed flowers tomorrow.
Edited like 4 costume photos.
Also have a lingering sense of dread due to the weather. The heat often makes me feel terrible, and if I'm already in kind of a Bad Phase at the moment, I'm afraid of it making it even worse... stimky..
Which I know these temperatures are nothing to some people but.. to me... aUGHHHH... I am abnormally heat sensitive + live in a dinky old apartment with no ventilation that gets direct sun the hottest part of the day.. on a 90F day outside, it literally gets about 84F inside.. like.. even people who love the heat I feel like would struggle to sleep at night if their bed is 85F lol... hewwo.. You can spray yourself down with water, drink ice water, put a fan on yourself, etc. etc. but.. sometimes it just feels so oppressive and inescapable..
ANYWAY. Aside from painting, feeling weird, and dreading the upcoming heat/contemplating my entire life and how to get enough money to move to a different climate somehow one day/existential exhaustion/etc., I didn't accomplish very much lol
Spent maybe 30 minutes thinking about a little more worldbuilding stuff, and some things in reference to the game I mentioned resuming work on at some point.
Notable sights: The clouds were really pretty and pastel this afternoon, and some stars are visible in the sky for once since the nights are beginning to be clearer. The 'forget me not' flowers that I thought had died after transplanting actually seemed to be perked up and healthy looking today, and perhaps may actually survive. >:3
Goals moving forward: Do new poll adventure post. focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with the ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Not much, kind of a warm day so didn't really want to use the oven. No idea how I'll handle the diet I've been put on by my doctors (involves usually cooking all food fresh, using the stove a lot, nothing is supposed to be canned or processed or premade, so that eliminates a lot of 'quick easy simple warm weather' meals, etc. etc.) during the heatwave. I might just have to break the diet a little and hope it doesn't give me stomach pains while I'm already hot and feeling sick lol..
I did have a boiled egg with some green onions on top, which is very simple but was refreshing somehow lol. Another ice cold ginger ale treat today, and some cold prune juice (which I know most people find gross/it's an old person food/etc., but I like that it's a smooth textured and not very sweet juice? Like it's slightly thicker than apple juice, has a lightly bitter taste, etc. I just find it nice for some reason. More evidence I am secretly an 85 year old wizard)
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