#idk what im rambling about now tbh
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do you ever feel like some people dont understand the difference between pity and sympathy/empathy? (people don't even know the difference between those two, to be fair) giving someone sympathy or having empathy for them is not the same as pitying them. someone trying to reach out and seeking or expecting sympathy from you or wanting empathy isn't wanting you to pity them!!!!!! dont mix the two up 😭
#if i had a penny for every time i was pitied or people claimed *I* wanted a “pity party” when i was seeking sympathy or empathy...#id be so rich that id pity THEM lmao#when you just want your feelings and exoeriences to be seen as valid and they instead throw pity in the open wounds#being cruel and unsympathetic is just as bad as pity imo#you dont need empathy to learn sympathy skills since it's not the same thing. but some people do want empathy and not pity. which is also#not the same thing???? what am i even talking about anymore.#this was sparked by a reply to my post about not understanding kavehXalhaithim. apparently one doesnt want pity but the other lacks empathy#so to me the one lacking empathy comes off as cruel. it looks to me like he thinks showing sympathy = pity in that case. no.#sympathy would be validating the others feelings and experiences saying its ok to feel that way while working through it and support them!#but yeah replies on here are too limited and i cant fit all that above on there lmao i dont even knlw if people see my @ replies to them#ive replied back a few times now and no one continued the conversation so why bother lol#but it does annoy me when people are instead annoying or cruel in place of basic sympathy. to me THAT feels pitying#perhaps i also just dont like people who lack empathy. i know its not their fault and just how some people are....#but how i communicate is through empathy and exchanging it with others so i mever get along with people who lack it.#so uts hard for me to understand a ship that is an empath vs an unempathetic lmao it sounds annoying as hell even if it has reason fhdndndm#i think that storyline just felt way too close to home amd familiar so it got me as annoyed as the character i highly relate to there 😅#idk what im rambling about now tbh#words#lee rambles
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I feel like now is a good time to announce that I’m in the process of moving blogs! Im doing so for a few reasons, the main one being paranoia, so for that reason I won’t be saying my new urls publicly so like please dm me if you’d like my new url so you can follow me there! I’ll be reblogging this post a lot so ppl can see it (so sorry if you get annoyed by that)!
I’m also remaking my discord account as well so if we’re friends on there then feel free to message me for my new username!
friends and mutuals please do reblog so shared friends/mutuals have a higher chance seeing it!
#whimsy whispers#I’m just like ahdjfjjg#I’ve been considering remaking blogs for a few years now (as some of you may know) and like simply changing urls isn’t enough#no matter how many times I chnage urls the paranoia won’t go away and I think that starting a new blog is the best choice#idk what to do if my newest blog gets found by the ppl I’m paranoid about like idk the odds of that are low (I hope) alas I’m still anxious#about it#for some slight context: I’ve had several people now pop up in my life pretending to be other people/several people and while I’ve blocked#then on every social media account I interacted with them in im still paranoid about them lurking#and then like there’s other reasons to remake as well#I’m tired of this blog like I love it it’s been fun but I think starting over will be nice#tbh this is the longest I’ve had a blog without remaking I usually remake accounts every so often#I don’t intend to remake my next blog like at all but like agdhjfjg I have a habit of getting bored of accounts and staring over (usually#this applies to art accounts like y’all wouldn’t believe how many deviantart accounts I’ve had)#uhhhh idk I’ve been rambling for too long#I have this in drafts rn but you should be seeing this post soon
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tbh i dont even care about them
#im lying#im literally insane about them#trying to draw them right now btw#i have requests from instagram to do#eehhhhh they are kinda dykes idk what to tell you#knuxadow yuri#on MY page we only do yuri here thank you.......#my brain is full of them all the time#knuxadow#they go to resturaunts and get burger and eat a burger together#shadow teaches knuckles how to skate eerrrererereererrreerrer *die*s*#knuckles the echidna#shadow the hedgehog#they remind me of me and my gf tbh#wtf i literally hate them#HOMOPHOBIA! TAKING OVER ME NOOOOOOO#jk im normal i love them#someone needs to rip me away from them so i can be nromal#//wally rambly rambles
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j/on s/ims the type of guy to wait until the very very last second before pausing a tape to sneeze...... like?? he definitely is in denial about needing to sneeze despite it literally being about to happen
#now im imagining his voice slooowly getting breathier and breathier with the occasional hitch between words-#-and then the tape clicks on and off and suddenly hes back to normal (for now)#what if he was about to sneeze and then. tried to turn off the recorder but slipped/missed or wtv and didnt have time to try again#imagine THAT in a recording#then maybe t/im (idk much about him yet tbh) is listening back to the tapes and comes across this one#talks to j/on about it while trying not to laugh#j/on is very grumpily like “yes i know ill have to rerecord it dont REMIND me”#and t/im is like “actually thats pretyy funny you should leave that in”#cue j/on being all “do you have any idea how *disgusting* .... blah blah blah.... MORTIFYING not to mention UNPROFESSIONAL-#“-(indistinct pissed-off rambling)”#t/im is like “ok chill i was joking pleas e”#Sorry that got away frkm me a bit#k talks#t/ma
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reading springfest now after everything in nagazora is making me crave more fu hua and mei interactions. i feel like thus far in my go through, i've never actually seen them interact, but it's kinda fun that the person who made the recommended reading order put springfest after nagazora (though of course this is probably in preparation for whatevers going on with senti/fu hua rn in ch 19)
but the way that the empyrea isolates herself so she doesn't have any attachment to those who she will outlive and how she winds up becoming lonely as a result threw me back to mei isolating herself in world serpent so that she can protect kiana and just... idk..... i think the two talk about that isolation would be interesting
also. i love fu hua. she's still at the top of my list for best character so i'm just a happy little guy getting more fu hua content now in the story :> yippee fu hua
#idk who to ramble to about honkai so hi#avil plays hi3#ill probably liveblog my thoughts as i read through springfest and UH#blade of the empyrean!#but im excited :> then after that i gotta go through the 7 blades visual novel ^7^ that one has sushang!! i havent met her in the game yet#but i do have her !!!#its kinda interesting though because sushangs ultimate in hi3 is yanqing's ultimate in hsr. or i guess yanqing as a boss???#idk. so im like HMMMMMMMM WHATS UP THERE WHATS GOING ON#i wonder if theres a character sorter for hi3 actually#if i had to say who my top 5 are atm for honkai#its probably like fu hua mei kiana kevin and sakura ???#kiana is so easy. like if i loved oz vessalius how could i NOT love kiana we sure love vessel characters LJSHDFLASKDHFLAKSH#maybe its also recency effect though for mei but also. characters who isolate thinking that its the best htey could do to protect#like NO YOU IDIOT GET LOVED!!!!! GET L O V E D#they kinda get me#AND WELT I FORGOT WELT HOW COULD I DO THAT......#i feel like welt over kevin tbh#but thats super hard to say on my end alkdjfha#YOU KNOW i wouldve also said rita because i think rita is so fun#but i still dotn know enough about her#but personality wise i think shes so funny in a very stereotypical anime villain esque way LOL#also she is so catty too like what was she doing picking a fight with natasha LKAJHDLAFKJSDFH#OH I ALSO LOVE RITA AND NATASHA...#tbh i havent run into a character that i absolutely Hate in honkai yet....#at least not that i remember#if i hated them i probably forgot about them LMAOOOOO#like even durandal? i love durandal in the manga. she doesnt really stand out to me MUCH yet in the game but i loved her a lot in the manga#but for me durandal is low on the list for now. but that doesnt mean i dislike her i think shes cool but just hasnt done anything in#particular that caught my attention yet alskjdfahl#rambling WHOOPS ASLKJDFA
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i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)
#feeling so bad about it but like i cant bring myself to interact with people right now but i am also constantly sad because i dont interact#with anyone out of work :/ but working makes me socially exhausted & tbh all i wanna do is be depressed with my books & my movies &my tunes#but i also crave affection like i realize i have zero social life and i sometimes schedule some hangout with my friends but it's almost#become like idk a task? something i look at through work eyes. like- i arrange our hangouts the way i arrange work meetings. it's so sad.#i know it is. but still- i cant help it. through all my life ive been missing having a lifelong friend who knows me like the back of their#hands and i know like the back of mine. never had it. cant cry over that. it's passed. i cant invent lifelong friendships that never existed#and i gotta make peace with that. plus- what am i complaining about if im just incapable of keeping any friend for longer than a month???#after the first month- maybe the first couple of months- it all gets boring and dont get me wrong i really love my friends but somehow they#lose interest in me and i lose interest in them and we become just people who know each other and occasionally hang out but like- i've never#had a friend who's there for me when things happen in my life. i've always had friends to tell things to afterwards. like- i know i cant#really pick up the phone and say “hey. im having a bad time. can we take a walk? talk on the phone? can you tell me about your day? can you#just be here for me?“ and i cant even idk just randomly pop up with a ”oh my god i hate him i hate him i hate him it's a whole montague vs#capulet but if romeo and juliet never existed kind of hatred!!“ i just cant vent right away. ive always thought that that's my problem.#and maybe it is. but still- how's come they can vent to me? im always there right away. i do love my people and i show up for them.#sometimes my depression makes it soooo difficult to hang out constantly but if there's one thing that cannot be said about mw is that i dont#care. cuz i do. and maybe that's the problem#and maybe it's just easier for me to care than let others care? idk? but then again- i did try to open up. i did try to let them care. i did#try everything by the book & off the book but still- idk it's always just an “im sorry” never an “i care so much to say more than im sorry”#and yeah it's my problem cuz i am not a constant person im not that steady in what i do. i still dont know if it's because i havent found#yet the people worth doing it or if i am just traumatized (my ex is knocking on this door lol) but- idk it makes me extremely sad!!!#and ive rambled on way too much but i jusg needed to let some things out of my mind cuz i cant understand whats wrong with me and why i#crave true friendships although im hella scared of and bored of and unwilling to nurturing one :)#cinnamon diary
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even though it was buried in the tags of my last text post, that text post was the first time ive ever admitted to any of my ocs having The Diagnosis which is also My Diagnosis which means ive just somewhat admitting to having The Diagnosis which is My Diagnosis and wow that was extremely nerve wracking but it also felt nice to get it out there. this is my coming out post i guess
#definitely gonna delete this later i just wanted to ramble for a minute#idk why but this specific diagnosis was the most difficult thing to come to terms with#being diagnosed with adhd and bpd that was nothing but THIS ONE? it ruined my life for at least a few months#which is so silly bc when other people have this diagnosis i think nothing of it#but when its Me it just brings out this horrible complex inside of my heart#so having an explanation for that kinda stung you know. but hey its there now#a lot of this journey has just been me trying 2 unlearn the harmful stereotypes abt myself as far as The Diagnosis is concerned#and learning to treat myself kindly in spite of my insecurities which at times feel like a direct byproduct of my diagnosis. its a lot#but yeah. Yeah. idek what im trying to say anymore#shoutout to my homies who felt like aliens their entire childhoods only to be diagnosed later in life we are so strong and whatever#kisses you on the forehead#also tbh it feels good to project it onto my ocs. it makes me feel better about myself#making brie autistic as shit makes me feel more normal because in my head im like well shes living her best life. why cant i#and all the straud kids too. theyre still living their best lives and theyre totally confident w themselves and they accept their diagnosis#and they accept its just a part of them you know!! nothing to be ashamed of. so why cant i#THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY im very emotional right now. ik this is kinda weird but i really want to find the confidence#to talk about this without feeling embarrassed about myself. autism rocks !#this is literally the autism website idk why im nervous right now you are all literally autistic why am i so nervous LOL
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something something some yakuza antagonists ideals are completely valid and if they just went about them a different way the whole situation wouldnt have been life or death something something. something something i will agree with an antag (nishiki WHO SAID THAT) more if their reasoning behind what theyre doing is solid enough (yeah girl be mentally ill i support you i'll get you help too) something something
this goes for outside of yakuza too idk why im adding it but like. personally i love antags more than the protags because 1 more interesting 2 bro 99% of the time theyre just so mentally unwell if they had help as a child or just someone by their side supporting them enough in life they wouldnt be doing any of that shit 3 half the time theyre just. right. about the status of things? and i got that autistic sense of justice behind me so i automatically side with them like they go about it the wrong way but theyre right my bad 4 not all antags are evil even theyre literally there because the protaganist needs a foil the whole light needs dark dark needs light thing blah blah 5 theyre bad bitches i cant deny a bad bitch their non-heroic deeds.
i need to type up another slideshow about the intricacies of characters and why so and so did what they did or why so and so shouldnt be faulted for their ideals. god i love writing about characterization i love writing i need to write of course people can dislike "bad guys" theyre written to be disliked because of the perspective you see them from but i love being like oooh hoo hoo you are a hidden gem you are a diamond in the rough damn ya ass fat whats ya trauma? oh god this is long uhm. yeah :]
anon you're spitting but im too drunk to make a good response just know im nodding and listening and agreeing
#snap chats#i stand by that aoki's only flaw was that he was a republican#but Real i get you i usually like antags more than the protags#or i at least gush about them more#maybe its a psychological issue where i see bits of myself in them and can ergo relate#cough cough masato cough cough mine sorry who said that#moreover antags are just funnier. i can excuse 90% of crimes if you're funny#like antags are fun because they're like. they're like if we listened to every intrusive thought we had#like 'damn thatd be fucked if we did that let's watch this guy do it from the safety of our couch'#tho tbh anon ily but i feel like youre tping this mostly from a nishiki lens#cause what nishiki did is probably the easiest to justify from our antags ??#i mean ryuji was just fucking around tbh. his motives are funny#but mine wanting to kill a man he loves because he sees his life as useless now is p twisted#and i dont have to explain aoki we know. like there's no justifying those two's actions#there's reasoning but it's harder to justify them compared to akira 'everything went wrong so i became stronger' nishikiyama#he's the most sympathetic villain out of the batch My Drunk Brin Is Telling Me#idk where im going with this ramble anymore point is Ask Good
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tbh it's so funny when i see fans say lore is confusing or not well written just bc what they wanted to happen didn't lol
#and this isnt even about sjm but it applies to her too#tbh the only time ive felt truly like she forgot her own lore was in acosf when nesta misremembers the meeting with tamlin#like... its the most basic part of the story and its wrong lmfao but i choose to ignore that#and yes i know sjm pulled things out of her ass in acosf but they at least FELT real to me#idk what im rambling about now but anywayyyy#personal
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I found a use for me having spent 11 years of my life learning Chinese. I can actually understand WayV lyrics
#Youth with you#and that's great.#tbh i also was able to watch without subtitles when they came out.#also yuqi's accent is >>>>#rambles tag#i only say this now because the only wayv song I'd properly listened to for ages was love talk. but the English version lol#and then i remembered they had bops I'd barely listened to so i went and re-listened then was shocked i understood the majority of thelyric#one of my friends said she'd find me even hotter if i did Duolingo. so. uhm. i re-logged into my 7 year old Duolingo account#i basically skipped all units to the very last big unit test in Chinese (think there's 57 levels?) passed first time lol#oh then j did french. passed level 197 (? think it was that. the last one) after the 3rd try.#the pain in the ass thing about the french one is the translations can be translated multiple ways but not all are accepted 🙄#also idk where tf me àcènts go like wtf.#anyhow. my goal is to finish those last units and get the final trophe 🤩 like yeah i already knew i was fluent but still#i also re-started korean and started greek because at one point i did try to learn greek#and Spanish but. kind of. can't be bothered with Spanish. because it reminds me of being 6 again. and i hate that lmao#i can't believe i tried to learn korean 6 years ago. has it been that long since i gave up lmao#i re-learnt to read <3 i can read just slowly now.#anyhow. idk what I'm talking about anymore#said friend said im peak hot in society now. it worked lmaoo#going to attract everyone with my 2 day Duolingo streak 🤩
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#big ol tmi right here stop reading if you're not afan of scary medical stuff#well. potential scary medical stuff. im scared but idk what's happening#basically. the only thing that's changed in my life is that im on the depo injection right#and now (here is the tmi) every time I masturbate it's. blood. instead of the usual. like the black bits you get with a heavy period too#which i think i remember knowing is like womb skin bits. the black bits in period blood#anyway that's gross#and im scared#i looked it up and like one website said ehh you're fine that's a normal side effect and one said Go See A Doctor Immediately#so uh. yeah.#im hoping it's fine. but im gonna go to the injection appt to talk about this instead of having the injection.#i haven't spoke to anyone about it yet im hoping typing it here will kinda make it easier to say on the 19th#like ill think it's over wait a couple days ahh y'know and then after or sometimes ill notice like an hour later#ill bleed overnight and sometimes the next day again#by 'ill think its over' i mean the light-for-me periods i get on the depo#unless im supposed to have stopped entirely and the whole thing is due to the same issue idk#i don't know the signs of cancers other than breat cancer - it doesn't run in the family apparently but we are all at high risk#they were gonna do like top surgery on me as a kid just in case but they ended up not#i wish they had tbh itd save a great deal of bother#sorry anyway im big stressed and im in period-level pain and all my joints are bad again and everything#so im rambling now cs im scared#i can do injections but im very very scared of like. exams and stuff. especially this kind
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wtf wtf questioning whether I'm aroace or not I am having a crisis girl 💔💔💔
#like. i am perfectly fine imagining romance with silly little fictional characters but?#irl is a totally different story#i rlllt cant see myself getting into a romantic relationship any time soon or at all tbh#i have been in relationships b4 but now im questioning what my feelings really were idk is that bad :(#i honestly dont think ive ever actually been in love and its making me questiom everything oopsy lol#idk bro#im not too concerned with labels rn but i will definitely be thinkin about it#rambling
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...somedays are just so much worse than others. Lately, I've been caught up in thinking, yet again, what if I'm faking everything. Well. Not that persay. More like. What if everything I think is going on is actually based on something false. And it sucks. Bc. I just start to worry that I cannot fix anything. Idk. Its just. Its nice to have an answer to things. And it'd hurt if my answer is wrong I suppose. You could show me all the evidence in the world and in the end I still won't believe it. I'll still think im wrong somehow. But at the same time I believe I'm right. How odd is that?
Ever since ive been young I've always questioned myself like that. I used to question who I am and what makes up me. And I never rly had an answer. I always just felt hollow and out of place. Even now that's all I feel.
Sometimes I can tell my thinking is heavily distorted. And honestly sometimes I question if it's ever not.
#diary#personal#its a little ramble-y i guess. idk if anyone but me can understand this. but its hard to put into words...#more and more i just feel this giant glass wall between me and everything else.#sometimes ive been thinking if anything is real. just. idk.#but even more than that i just keep doubting everything i think. maybe if i just tried harder. mayber if i was a better person...#maybe then that wouldntve happened. maybe if i just did more id be functional.#and. its just been a really hard day today. mn. really bad.#i dont rly eanna go into details tbh. but me and my dad fought again and everythings changed again and i dont like it.#mn. but in the end. the reason why im going to therapy is bc ive tried just working harder.#just. ignoring everything. and unfortunately it doesnt seem like everything is all in my head#well. i mean some of it LITTERALLY is all in my head. well i mean really the whole human experience is kinda sorta.#but. the things i get exhausted for. the things i just feel like i cant do anymore. theyre real#i guess thats a comfort at least. i may not know why i cannot function. but at least the pain i feel is real i suppose#haha. but what if thats like. just malfunctioning hardware. haha. ha.#i hate this loop. its probably like an ocd obsesive thought spiral. i do this a lot.#bc in the end this is probably one thing i cant actually prove or think my way out of.#bc i know the human experience is innately flawed. we easily could be in a simulation. and bc of that i discount nothing.#mn. its. getting sorta dissociatey or depersonalizationy now. i should stop n sleep.#im just rly sad. i was a bit too honest with mom today about dad and everything hurts now.#...somedays i rly dont wanna be alive. not bc i wanna die. just. im really really tired. its easier when things are laid out for me#when i know that if x happens i do y. and i dont like this autonomy i have sometimes. sometime i wish i didnt have it. haha.#suicidal ideation#...i dont know how the fuck i can talk to a therapist about all of this. or how useful itd even be. in the end it feels like im not me.#im. sorta scared of myself. and tired of it. i dont like the way i react. the way i am. im so scared.#i have to deliberate so long on something thatd take someone else no time. and its pitiful sometimes#trying to keep up with everything like this is exhausting.#i. sometimes i wonder what id actually be like if so many things were different. but its a useless question. bc they arent#in the end all you can do is move forward with the current you. nothing more. nothing less.#even if i dont rememebr the past or its different from what i recal. i suppose its okay. bc the now is my truth in the end.
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been thinking of that post about john darnielle saying that sometimes you just keep living after your expiration date or whatever he actually said a lot lately
#negative#idk why im so tired lately#everything is a mess and i desperately need order in like. absolutely every area of my life#and sometimes i really resent myself for making it this far#its so weird#we moved back to an area i loved living in a couple of years ago and i remember being so happy when we lived here#and im like. genuinely happy right now too! but#it feels weird. like all of those moments of happiness i could trap in amber#and to look at them and then look at my life right now... is starkly different#most of the nostalgia is just because im looking through the amber right now but its still hard to call that feeling the same sort of#feeling i have right now#time is so weird.#tbh i think its mostly that i havent been able to stop thinking about how we're probably going to end up moving again in 11 months and its#making me want to kill myself so. that's probably what it is#idk#anyway if you made it to the end of this long ramble i apologize#had an 11 hour day today and came back home and my bookshelf isnt magically put together and im having a tantrum
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✌🏻
#menace gets personal#dude there is so much going on right now and i feel like a child for my reactions to it??#except i know im not really acting like a child#but god i feel like such a child!!!!!!#/neg#like why am i reacting this way??#why am i so stumped over this small thing???#it might not be small tbh but it seems like such a small thing!!!#and i know theres probably multiple parts to this but i just want to curl up in a ball and cry#but i havent cried in a while? and i think i forgot how to? which means its all gonna come out at literally the worst moment possible#idk theres just so much i dont even know where to begin#work is new and theyre doing construction on my street and my dad is being weird and and and#and ive been journaling about it but i think theres too many changes that it's not doing much? but i also know that ive been able to pull#myself out of situations almost? to make sure i dont overreact or seem mad about it yk? but what do i even know???#i think i am spiraling#goodnight <3#rambling menace#(also pls dont worry i am fine i am just stressed as all get out and im a little frustrated i think)
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why does the new tumblr notif ui got balls
#snap chats#STOP TRYING TO LOOK LIKE TWITTER YOU SHIT HOLE WEBSITE#i know this isnt rgg. in the slightest. but its making me throw up#anyway halfway through my comms now WOOOHOOO YEAAAAHHH#is it half........ i guess technically...#i got like two relatively small ones then two chonkers good god#i can prob do the two small ones today and knock out at least one of the big boys tomorrow#then i wanna . of Course. have a nice day on friday... maybe i can squeeze in work on the second chonker on thursday too...#idk i told my client id have it ready next week but i never said what day next week 🥴prob tuesday tbh LMAO#tho i could prob work on it a bit during the weekend.......#im just rambling my schedule here hi LOL#EW NO I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE A SPANISH EXAM ON MONDAY 🧍♂️#yeah tuesday it'll have to be lest i crunch everything tomorrow#yeah i'll prob end up doing that lbr LOL#ok i just wanted to complain about tumblr's UI bye
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