#so to me the one lacking empathy comes off as cruel. it looks to me like he thinks showing sympathy = pity in that case. no.

[alchemiclee]

do you ever feel like some people dont understand the difference between pity and sympathy/empathy? (people don't even know the difference between those two, to be fair) giving someone sympathy or having empathy for them is not the same as pitying them. someone trying to reach out and seeking or expecting sympathy from you or wanting empathy isn't wanting you to pity them!!!!!! dont mix the two up 😭

[bratbby333]

even if it hurts

fushiguro megumi x fem!reader ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ angst, kinda toxic, college au, 21+ warnings: language, alcohol consumption summary: unrequited love word count: 3.2k

“I just don’t understand what she sees in that guy,” Megumi thinks to himself. He watches you as you exit the library from his vantage point, seated by the window. You walk toward your boyfriend, who’s leaning up against his car. Megumi’s chest gets tighter the longer he watches you, wincing as your boyfriend pulls you in close, your lips connecting with his for way longer than Megumi can handle. 

“It should be me,” he sighs within, eventually turning away from the window, bringing his attention back to Yuuji and Kugisaki, the two of them oblivious to his mental anguish. But, of course they are, and so are you, his unchanging, neutral facial expression never giving away his true, tortured feelings. 

Then again, Megumi doesn’t know what you’d see in him, either. He knows everything about you; the good, the bad and the ugly, caring deeply for your well-being and happiness, but that doesn’t outweigh the negatives that come along with him. His lack of empathy, his overly analytical nature, his disdain for small talk, the permanent frown on his face. He hopes one day you take a chance after all these years and accept him in the same way he already accepts you; flawed, but so beautiful. 

“Aren’t they just so cute together,” Kugisaki gushes out, before looking to her friends for input. Yuuji smiles wide, nodding in agreement.

“They seem very happy together. I’m glad she’s finally found someone.” Yuuji adds, before looking back at his notes. Megumi glances outside again, observing that you’re now seated in the passenger seat. He stays quiet, which isn’t unusual for him. Neither of his friends bat an eye at his lack of commentary, chalking it up to Megumi being typical Megumi. He wishes he could rejoice on your behalf, to congratulate you on your new found romance without stifling a gag. Even if he could fake his way through it, his words would be coated in jealousy. Instead, he continues to retreat within. You’d see right through his bleak attempts to be supportive, anyway. So he packs his feelings up in a box, stowing them away on a forgotten shelf deep in the darkest corners of his mind.

Within his tormented psyche, Megumi is anything but his normal self. Looking down at his textbook again, he can’t comprehend a single thing in front of him. He stares longingly into the book, willing himself to read, but his mind can’t help but always find its way back to you. One of his best friends. Your cheery disposition contradicts his cold, closed-off demeanor. The way your perfume lingers on his shirt after a friendly hug, how your body feels pressing against his. The way your lips curl before you laugh, how you wrinkle your nose after someone tells a joke, or the soft smiles you always send his way. How your eyes gleam with excitement when you see him (well, not just him, but your friends, collectively). You’re everything he isn’t, and everything he wishes he was. You make his normally frigid skin run warm, feverish even.

He knows it will never be you and him. Like the sun and moon; coexisting, but never coming together, a constant, cruel cycle. You two meet briefly in the same sky, before you disappear under the horizon and his world goes dark. That part doesn’t hurt nearly as much as what the actual outcome is: You will always be in his life, just out of reach; so close yet so infuriatingly far. He will always be an outsider looking in; a friend. It’s a tortuous realization. But the moon cannot glow without the sun. So he wills himself to stay put. To watch you fall in and out of love, over and over again; listening to you rave or rant about your relationship, he inevitably being a voice of reason for you when you need advice, even if it burns his throat when his supportive words leave his mouth; and it will never be him. And he accepts that as the painful reality he’s condemned to live in. Purgatory. It would hurt much less if he wasn’t as close to you; if you were just a friend of a friend, or even strangers; an unknown face, a passing daydream. Someone easier to lose. 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

You press your hands against the metal bar of the library doors, sighing as you push against them. The setting sun dances across your hair, the warmth kissing your skin. You smile softly at your boyfriend, who always insists on picking you up after class. He pulls you into him, his lips meeting yours. Pulling away, you smile up at him before taking a step back, allowing him to open up the passenger side door for you. You turn your head back toward the library before getting in, looking through the window at the table you were just sitting at with your three best friends. Your eyes linger on Megumi, whose attention is back on his textbook. 

“I wish he was you, Meg.” You think to yourself, looking at the ground before sitting in the passenger seat. You’re quiet on the drive back to your boyfriend's apartment, thoughts utterly consumed by Megumi. But you know it will never be him. You’re too talkative, too excitable. Too different from him. With the two of you being such close friends, by the time you realized how your heart ached for him, it was too late. You don’t want to ruin what you have. You can’t confess. That would make the dynamic shift towards awkwardness and tension, possibly even destroying the friendships you cherish so deeply. So you stay quiet. You date other people in hopes that someone can replace him. But your attempts are all in vain. No one can replace Megumi. He knows everything about you, appreciates you for everything you are and accepts you for everything you’re not. But you know the deeper connection that you desire will never be reciprocated. He does all these things for me because we’re best friends, you rationalize.

You reconcile with the silver lining of it all; enjoying the time you’re able to spend with him, relishing in the jokes between you two, cherishing the glances you steal when you know he's not paying attention. You ignore the gnawing deep within you, the hunger for more. You cling to the way his smooth voice delivers eloquently thought out sentences to your yearning ears, the way your heart leaps when his deep blue eyes gaze attentively into yours. At least you can hold on to the notion that he will always be in your life, at the very least, as a friend.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

You can’t settle for meaningless connections. You’ve decided that you’ll take Megumi however you can get him, the cards dealt to you leaning in favor of just being friends. And that’s okay. You’ll hold on to the hope that one day he’ll take the risk. Such a selfish desire, you acknowledge that. You refuse to fight these feelings any longer, the stark realization that it will never not be him coming to fruition on that fateful car ride, which is why you’re at your boyfriend’s house, sitting across from him, attempting to explain that it isn’t him, it’s you.

“I’m sorry,” you start. You can’t seem to find the right words that will soften the blow. Your mind is an endless sea of thoughts, a similar deep blue that you find in Megumi's eyes. Oh, his eyes. One thing at a time. 

“You did everything right, I promise. I just think we’re looking for different things.” You don’t have much more to say, tuning out your now ex boyfriend’s pleas and questions as you stand and walk towards the door, not uttering another word. Your movements shift to being calculated and emotionless; maybe you are more like Megumi than you thought. You take a deep breath once outside, pulling your phone out and dialing Kugisaki. 

“Hey, what’s up? Aren’t you supposed to be with your boyfriend?” she asks. She can hear the whizzing of cars in the background of the phone call. You walk along a busy freeway with no destination in mind. But your body knows where it wants to be; with Megumi. Your heart drives you with such conviction that you’re nearly running now.

“I was, yeah, I just broke up with him. Can we go out for drinks? Ask Yuu and Meg, too.” You reply. Nobara pauses, waiting for more information before realizing you weren’t interested in sharing. Your tone was emotionless and commandeering; very out of character for you. She decides not to pry. After a moment of silence, you hear the soft murmur of voices echo through the speaker of your phone, before she returns to the call, the plan being set to meet at a local bar just outside the campus at 6pm. 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

The study session is interrupted by an incoming call to Nobara’s phone. Megumi’s heart soars at the sight of your name on the screen. Kugisaki smiles before answering, but her twinkling demeanor drops almost immediately. He hears her ask a couple questions, but he can’t comprehend what was said over the loud roar of blood rushing through his ears. He doesn’t understand how you elicit such unusual responses from him. These feelings are getting harder and harder for him to fight. He snaps back to reality when Kugisaki relays that you want to grab drinks tonight. He’d do anything and go anywhere for you, jumping on the chance to be around you. Keep your composure, they can’t know. Megumi stoically agrees to the plans, as does Yuuji. The call ends a moment later.

“I did not see that coming,” Kugisaki sighs, placing her phone back down on the table. Megumi looks to his friend, anxiously anticipating her debrief of the conversation she just had. The possibility that you were hurt made Megumi want to jump out of his skin, to console you in a deeper, more intimate way that friends probably shouldn’t do. Kugisaki’s vagueness of the whole situation was making his nerves run cold. 

“It’s not unusual for her to want to grab some drinks…did something happen?” Yuuji asks, concern painted across his normally cheerful face. Kugisaki just glances between the two boys, her brow furrowed. Megumi’s blood is ice in his veins when Nobara finally tells them. He tunes out his friends, his mind inundating with possibilities, sending a silent prayer to the heavens that you’ll soon take a chance on him. He kicks himself for thinking that way, guilt soon replacing his desperation. How dare he attempt to take advantage of your pain for his own pleasure. What kind of man has he become? 

You want nothing more than to run into Megumi’s arms, to hold his face in your hands. You can’t help but feel sinful for what you’ve done. But being with someone when you crave someone else’s touch goes against everything you believe. Inauthenticity. It’s causing you more harm than good. You can’t stand it anymore. 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry it didn’t work out…just earlier today we were talking about how happy you two seemed together. Can’t help but think we jinxed it,” Yuuji apologizes as he crashes into you, his arms constricting you tightly. Such a sweet boy. He holds you there for a moment, rocking you back and forth, before breaking away, Kugisaki taking his place. 

“His loss, you’ll forget about him soon enough. Let’s get drunk. Maybe you’ll find someone new while we’re here!” Nobara smirks. Megumi can’t help but cringe at that suggestion, the thought of seeing you engaged with yet another man, a man that isn’t him, shoots a lead bullet through his chest. He reaches his boiling point. He can’t patch up his wounds anymore. 

Megumi approaches you last, placing a firm hand on your shoulder, patting gently and saying nothing. Pretty on brand for Megumi’s way of showing comfort, but there’s something different behind his eyes; a new, unknown feeling that you can sense while looking up at him. You fight every urge in your body telling you to ask about it, to pry deeper into his mind, knowing he wouldn’t tell you, anyway. You desperately want to lean into his touch, electricity shooting through your body. You smile gently at his unreadable expression before the four of you head inside. 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Seated at a table away from the bar, the four of you talk about the upcoming exams. You set plans for your next study session. Yuuji invites the group to a movie premier on Saturday night. Everyone reluctantly agrees, even though the premise of the film sounds dreadful. As the night goes on, the drinks keep coming, and you and your friends are properly buzzed, giggling and joking around. Everyone except Megumi, only offering the occasional smile and quiet chuckle. Everytime he laughs, your heart beats faster. Unbeknownst to the group, he’s clenching his fists and gritting his teeth, fighting every urge to spill his deepest, darkest secret. 

Your eyes trace lines along his face, taking in every curve and angle of his disposition. Something is bothering him. Your stare is burning holes into his side profile, and he shifts his weight in search of relief from your intensity. The sun and her rays. You’re snapped out of your trance as Yuuji stands from the table, pointing his finger in Nobara’s direction. 

“Nobara Kugisaki, I challenge you to a Skee-Ball tournament!” he shouts. The abruptness of his actions shocks the three of you. You glance at Kugisaki, who’s smirking at Yuuji. 

“You are so on.”

The two abandon the table, trash talking one another on their way to the machine, leaving you and Megumi alone. You feel elated at the time you get to spend one on one with him. He feels differently.

“It was for the best, he seemed like an ass anyway,” Megumi huffs out, avoiding your gaze as he takes another sip of his drink. His comment catches you off guard, but it leaps from his mouth before he can give it a second thought, as if he had been waiting the entire night to say that to you, only feeling confident enough to do so with the liquor in his system and the listening ears now on the opposite end of the bar. 

“Well, no, he was perfectly nice, Meg,” you retort, confusion painted across your face. This is so unlike Megumi, the man of few words.

“So why dump him if he was so nice? There must be a reason,” he challenges. Megumi has moved from denial, to bargaining, to anger in the span of a day. He can’t help but lash out. He’s bursting at the seams. Being near you is no longer enough, and his ego is his last line of defense before you fully break his heart without even meaning to. The constant torment he’s felt since meeting you has slowly been chipping away at him. All he knows is that he’s had enough. If you leave, if he pushes hard enough, he won’t hurt anymore. He will no longer have a constant reminder of what could be. He will finally reach acceptance. 

The hostility of his words bruise you, anger plastered across his face. Why is he upset with me? I did this for him, not that he’d ever know that. You brush off the sting from his comment. You’re just happy to hear him speak. You’d do anything to listen to him express whatever thought popped in his head, hanging on every word that leaves his lips, even if they send shards of glass into your heart. It aches so beautifully. You can’t muster up the courage to tell him that he’s the reason it didn’t work out. You’re exhausted from trying to force connections with other people in hopes that they could replace him, the constant back and forth leaving your life in ruins. You cut ties with perfectly good people because you know they will never be Megumi. So you cling to anything you can get from him, even if it destroys you.

“I…I don’t know, Meg. I think I’m searching for something else,” you reply quietly, your response insinuating much more than you intended. Your words float through the air so inaudibly that they are nearly drowned out by the music pouring out of the bar’s speakers. But Megumi hears you. He always does. His head snaps to face you, meeting your gaze. He feels his blood pressure spike. Is she referring to me? No…that can’t be what she means. She’s just feeling vulnerable right now. He maintains eye contact with you, looking past your eyes and searching deep within your soul, hoping something in there will guide him towards the answers he so hopelessly needs.

Your breath catches in your throat. Why is he looking at me like that? Did I make it too obvious? Did I ruin everything? Megumi’s eyes dart around your face, searching for something, anything, that would alleviate his pain. It doesn’t matter what you meant by that statement. He can’t stand this anymore, teetering on the edge of insanity. If I can’t have her, and I can’t stand keeping her around without torturing myself, then… fuck it. He decides to jump.

He grabs your face with both hands before crashing his lips into yours, a muffled yelp escaping you. Your eyes go wide, your body freezes. Time slows to an insufferable pace. You can’t comprehend a single thing, a part of you trying to convince yourself that this isn’t real; if it’s nothing more than a drunken kiss. But it’s real. It’s everything and more. You close your eyes, surrendering to this moment. You move your lips against his, desperate to savor him. He feels the exact way you imagined him to, the taste of him clouding your senses. You can’t get enough. The two of you fit together perfectly. You are utterly and completely consumed by him.

His heart races as he feels you reciprocate. His hands run up and down your body with urgency, trying to make up for years of wasted time. The loud bar fades to black as he pulls you deeper into him. All he can feel is you; you’re all that matters, that has mattered. Your hands meet his cheeks, moving to thread themselves in his hair at the nape of his neck. He groans into your mouth, his tongue battling against yours. You claw at one another hungrily. After years of starving, you are finally satiated. Every doubt that clouded your mind is cast to the wayside. All the pain and suffering has come to an end. The outcome that you both desired comes to fruition. 

“Fucking FINALLY!” You break away from one another, the sound of Kugisaki’s voice bringing you back to reality. She's standing before you two with her hands on her hips, head cocked to the side. Yuuji is positioned beside her, grinning from ear to ear. Megumi takes your face in his hands again, pulling you close.

“Fucking finally,” he whispers. 

author notes: if this seemed very unhinged and scatterbrained it's bc it most definitely was..and i tried to write this is in a specific way so that it bounced back and forth and contradicted one another and...u get it. im sure u do.

anywho, thank u so much for engaging with my stories...every like, comment, and reblog makes my little heart soar xx

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© bratbyy333 on tumblr. all rights reserved. please do not distribute. 2024.

[8-rae-rae-8]

Hehehe I’m gonna cook hold on -feral anon

—

It’s been a few days and Graves is still being an ass to everyone (especially ghost). He refuses to talk to anyone and shuts himself in his room and sulks whenever he has free time.

This goes on for another day until late at night, a persistent knocking is heard. Graves tried to ignore it but it won’t stop. He grits his teeth and marches over to the door. Throwing it open

“The hell do you want at this hou-“

His words become lost as he looks at the culprit behind the knocking. Ghost.

Ghost just stares, taking a deep hard look at Phil. It’s in a way that makes Phil feel exposed and naked…but he’s frozen in place, unable to move or look away. He shrinks when Ghost’s eyes lock with his own.

The look he’s given makes him feel very small. His breathe hitches and he finds himself fighting back tears. Ghost’s eyes soften just a touch, he reaches over and grabs Phil by the wrist.

“On me, Graves.”

Phil is helpless as he tugged out of his room by Ghost, the fuzziness is coming back and it’s coming hard. Something about the way Ghost is acting is making him drop hard.

He doesn’t even realise they are inside Price’s office until Phil notices ghost heading towards the dreaded rocking chair, the subject and cause of all this

“W-Wait! What are you doing!”

Graves is trying to dig his heels in but Ghost just huffs, turns back around and scoops a protesting Phil up into his arms. Ghost then sits down in the rocker, plopping Phil in his lap similar to how Baba cuddles him. He coaxes Philip’s head into his chest, his hand brushing at the unkempt blonde curls. All the fight Philip has left immediately leaves his body. He finally lets the fuzziness take over and sniffles

“Knew it was about this bloody chair.” Ghost snorts to himself, not in a cruel way. But in an understanding manner “it’s pretty good, huh? Makes you feel really small.” All Phil can do is nod, slipping two fingers into his mouth. His wide, glassy eyes stare up at Ghost, bewildered. Ghost stares back, his usual dead stare is now soft and filled with empathy towards Graves

“I know how hard it is to ask for help.” Simon confesses “I still struggle with it…but, we’re here for you, okay? No need to be an as-“ Simon clears just throat “no need to be…a silly goose over it, yeah?”

Phil nods softly and squirms in Simon’s lap. He nuzzles ghost’s neck “sowwy…”

“Water off a duck’s back, mate. Jus’ try open up to your Dada ‘bout your feelings, okay? It’s not good for you to bottle such big emotions up for so long”

Phil whines but nods in understanding, nosing Ghost’s balaclava.

“Good lad.” Ghost praised, patting the little’s thigh. For now, he’d keep this interaction a secret for Grave’s sake(even if it meant breaking the ‘no lying to baba’ rule…he knows he’s already going to be in trouble for breaking into Price’s office after hours anyway).

But he would make an effort to encourage Philip to be more honest. He knew more than anyone how Philip was feeling and he’d do anything he could to help Philip accept not himself but accept love from others.

Once again, perceptive Ghost strikes again

ANON BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH PERFECTION

YES.YES.YES.YES.

I feel like that's one thing Price could brush off, even if Phil would probably get a stern talking to about how he treated Ghost. Then Price would probably talk to Roach about his behavior too

But I get the thought that keeping Graves' regression a safe space means no punishments (at least while little). He's from the south, I've seen a trend of southern parents being... Hard for lack of better words (speaking a lil from experience)

The fact that Ghost is so aware that he realizes why Phil's acting the way he is 😭

[wendytestabrat]

why cartman sees through kyle’s bs when no one else does

i feel like the reason why cartman can easily see how phony and hypocrticial kyle is bc of his sociopathicness and how he lacks empathy. kyle is always going on all these tangents bitching about all these issues going on in the world and how strongly he feels abt injustices and shit, so cartman just doesn’t give a fuck about anything kyle is saying and it all flies over his head LOL. kyle is rlly quick to try to pull on everyone’s heartstrings about shit that’s wrong, fucked up, or sad and i feel like this easily gets to some of the other characters, because well they actually do have a moral conscious. it can be easy for the other kids to be persuaded by kyle or manipulated by what he’s saying bc when he brings up an issue they feel bad too and don’t wanna seem like heartless assholes who don’t care. the fact that cartman is able to completely emotionally detach himself & think more rationally whenever kyle is ranting about shit is his superpower LOL. like yeah it’s fucked up how selfish and ignorant cartman can be that he doesn’t care or feel bad about certain things, but this makes it EASY for him to see through kyle’s bs and how deceitful kyle rlly is LOL. he’s not paying attention to the issue at hand kyle is getting all worked up about (nor does he give a flying fuck) or getting emotionally entangled in it, he just notices how kyle behaves and pays attention to his actions and not the words coming out of his mouth. all cartman sees is a rlly fucking crazy person that will go to extreme lengths to get his way, which is honestly how I just see kyle too LOL. like honestly i feel like i’ve developed a lot of sociopathic tendencies in recent years bc i know how to just completely turn off my empathy and not feel bad and look at shit rationally in situations where everyone else gets worked up about how horrible something is. i don’t lack empathy, i just reached a point in my life where it’s easier for me to just detach from shit and not care at all than to care too much, bc i can def swing the opposite direction and get WAYYY too emotionally invested in shit or try to help too much LOL. and I feel like all the bitchass fans who worship everything kyle does are people who feel bad way too easily and get worked up over EVERYTHING too, so they agree with everything kyle says and the actions he takes. but it def takes having a rational mind and learning not to care too much about every little problem in the world (bc life sucks and then you die get over it) to truly see whether or not someone is ACTUALLY good or does the right thing. that’s why it’s sooo easy for me to see through people’s hypocrisy when someone pretends to do good but they’re rlly just awful LOL. and i feel like cartman is able to easily do this too with kyle bc he just gives 0 shits about any sense of morality or what’s wrong in the world. he sees all of the horrible actions kyle takes, how he can lie, act pretentious, and just be downright selfish and cruel to the people around him in order to get his way.

[prying-pandora666]

My Azula Diagnosis Analysis Part 3: Sociopathy/ASPD

Find all the parts here.

Sick of bad armchair diagnosis for Azula? Me too! So in this thread let’s discuss Azula’s most commonly “diagnosed” illnesses and disorders, and find out what she actually meets the criteria for, if any.

So lets move onto the most highly contested one: is Azula a sociopath?

Sociopathy Claims

—Azula is violent

—Azula is manipulative

—Azula is cruel and sadistic

—Azula seems to have been “born bad” and abused animals and her friends since childhood.

—Azula laughs when Zuko gets burned by Ozai.

So is Azula a Sociopath/Does Azula suffer from Antisocial Personality Disorder?

This one is easy to rule out off the bat. Minors cannot be diagnosed with ASPD as too many childhood disturbances can mimic the symptoms. At worst a child can be diagnosed with a conduct disorder. There are too many cases of children from abusive homes who demonstrated downright chilling behavior, but once removed from the toxic environment and given proper care, managed to develop into adults with no such affliction.

But let’s ignore that a moment and press on to the symptoms for the sake of argument.

—Lack of empathy for others: Debunked by The Beach. Azula’s problem isn’t a lack of empathy, its not knowing how to express in a healthy way or how to be vulnerable. Besides helping her friends and Zuko walk through their traumas and come to understand how its affecting them all, Azula also is able to predict how others will react precisely because she is able to empathize so well. This is an ability she wouldn’t have otherwise. The most telling moment, however, is in The Beach when Zuko makes Ty Lee cry. Initially Azula laughs at the mockery, but once she sees Ty Lee is actually upset, her expression changes. Azula looks genuinely upset for her friend. Sadness etches her features. No one is looking at her in this moment. There is no one to manipulate or put on an act for. Yet, the moment Ty Lee turns to look, Azula shifts her expression to one of petulant annoyance. Azula doesn’t lack empathy, she hides it.

—Impulsive behavior: After she begins to breakdown, Azula shows increasingly impulsive behavior. But anyone can develop uncharacteristic impulsiveness during a bout of psychosis. Azula as she normally is though? She couldn’t be any further from this. Even Iroh speaks to her controlled, calculating nature. Azula is far less impulsive or reckless than most, especially compared to her hotheaded brother Zuko.

—Attempting to control others with threats or aggression: Absolutely. Azula relies on manipulation and intimidation to control others.

—Using intelligence, charm, or charisma to manipulate others: Azula also demonstrates this heavily. She does on occasion use it to help others (mostly Zuko), but by and by its her main go-to for conflict resolution.

—Not learning from mistakes or punishment: Again its difficult to say as we don’t get Azula’s POV. This doesn’t seem to be the case as she adapts her strategies after defeat.

—Lying for personal gain: All the time. To the point Zuko has a mantra for it.

—Showing a tendency to physical violence and fights: No more than anyone else. This is a war, after all. If anything, Azula chooses manipulation, deception, and intimidation over violence whenever its an option, making her less prone to violence than Book 1 Zuko.

—Generally superficial relationships: Azula doesn’t have many relationships for us to judge, but I wouldn’t say they’re superficial. Despite her friends and Zuko turning on her, the fact that Azula is so devastated by this shows that they did truly mean a lot to her, and weren’t just superficial tools.

—Sometimes, stealing or committing other crimes: Azula doesn’t break the laws of her nation. She most often acts on orders of her father. Meaning she’s not committing crimes.

—Threatening suicide to manipulate without intention to act: Never.

—Sometimes, abusing drugs or alcohol: Never.

—Trouble with responsibilities such as a job, paying bills, etc.: Azula is efficient and capable to a fault. She only struggles once she has a mental break, and this doesn’t qualify as symptomatic as anyone would struggle in such circumstances.

Conclusion: Azula is not a sociopath and doesn’t have ASPD.

While highly manipulative and prone to expert deception that can even fool Toph’s lie-detector, Azula is too empathetic and grounded in the reality of her circumstances to be a sociopath.

Further, many claims made to bolster this misdiagnosis are exaggerated or inaccurate. Let’s look at the claims.

—Azula is violent: So is everyone else. This is war. If anything, Azula avoids violence more than her brother Zuko.

—Azula is manipulative: Highly. But this alone isn’t enough for ASPD.

—Azula is cruel and sadistic: Azula never shows any sadistic tendencies. Her prisoners are all shown to be properly arrested and unharmed. Her interrogation of Suki in Suki Alone was downright pathetic, even ending in Azula offering a hug which Suki rejects. During The Boiling Rock, when a prisoner is shown to be innocent, Azula orders for him to be released rather than enjoy tormenting a man who knows nothing. Azula never inflicts pain for personal enjoyment and never even attacks civilians. She only fights enemy combatants.

—Azula seems to have been “born bad” and abused animals and her friends since childhood.: Perhaps the strangest claim in how popular it is despite having no actual evidence. Azula interacts with a few different animals in The Show and comics and is never shown to mistreat a single one. Not even when she tried to capture Appa. If they wanted us to think she was an animal abuser, why wouldn’t it ever be depicted despite ample opportunity? Other characters are shown to hurt animals, but never Azula. The only evidence we have is a hazy memory from Zuko’s childhood of himthrowing bread roughly at turtle-ducks and claiming he learned it from Azula. But using this scene as proof is odd for a number of reasons.

Zuko is the one who commits violence against the turtle-ducks, not Azula. Is he an animal abuser for this? Most would say no, he’s simply innocent because he’s so little and doesn’t know better. But if this is the case, doesn’t that same logic apply to Azula who is two years younger? Couldn’t she be equally misguided and innocent?

Zuko laughs before he throws the bread. If he had actually seen Azula harm turtle-ducks this way, why did he think it was funny? Why did he want to replicate it? Doesn’t that make Zuko look more suspicious than Azula whom we never actually see hurt an animal?

Zuko looks shocked at what actually happens. Before the mama turtle-duck bites him, just from seeing the results of throwing bread at a duckling, Zuko looks stunned. Why would he look so surprised it he had seen this before and found it funny? Its as if he didn’t actually know what would happen.

The best I can conclude is that Zuko never actually saw Azula “feed” turtle-ducks this way. Considering this is the same episode that gives us “Azula always lies”, it seems more likely that Azula told a fib or dark joke and Zuko gullibly believed it. Otherwise this scene would reflect far more poorly on Zuko than on Azula.

—Azula laughs when Zuko gets burned by Ozai.: No she doesn’t. She smirks and clenches her fist, a reaction that can be read as being pleased as much as it can be read as being uncomfortable. As we never get Azula’s perspective on that day and only have Iroh’s account (where by his own admission he looked away) we don’t have any insight into what Azula was thinking or feeling.

What I can say both from studies into children raised by narcissists and personal experience coming from an abusive home is this: Children in an unstable or dangerous environment will display all manner of maladaptive behaviors to survive. It is well documented that abused children will often join in on the abuse or show loyalty to the abuser to avoid being targeted themselves, and seeking the approval and love that we are all hard-wired to seek from our parents and/or guardians. Children also learn what’s normal or moral from their surroundings. In a nation where even jovial, kind Uncle Iroh once starved the people of Ba Sing Se by camping in the Agrarian Zone during his 600 day siege, and while the people (including children!) died, Iroh laughed and joked about burning the city to the ground. Iroh who was already an adult, crown prince, and a highly decorated general. He didn’t see this was wrong until he lost his own son.

How is 11 year old Azula (because she is only eleven when Zuko is banished!) supposed to understand this isn’t normal, let alone stand against her nation and father who is their unquestioned leader?

She may have even been putting on an act, because as we know, Azula always lies. Why would this child desperate for approval and terrified of showing weakness because these are the consequences of revealing vulnerability, expose herself? Should any child be expected to jump into the line of fire in this situation when not a single adult—not even Iroh—is willing to do so? 

Azula is an extremely troubled child. She has maladaptive behaviors in every facet of her interactions with others and the world. But this isn’t so dissimilar from Zuko, who also threatens, intimidates, verbally abuses, demands, gets violent, and tries to kill others. Considering the sort of good person Zuko grows into with enough love and guidance (and a LOT of forgiveness and chances), there’s no diagnostic reason to conclude Azula couldn’t also be showing symptoms caused less from an internal disorder and more from her toxic environment.

Removing the child from this abusive home and placing her in a safe, loving space with support is highly likely to result in positive outcomes.

This is demonstrated in The Search where all it takes is an apology from Noriko/Ursa and Azula not only abandons her revenge, but leaves behind the only piece of evidence she had to take the throne from Zuko. She gives it all up, despite genuinely believing her mother is trying to kill her and that she needs the throne to fulfill her destiny. All it took was one loving apology and caress.

Azula was horribly abused, same as Zuko. And like Zuko, she needs help. This is confirmed by the head writer who has spoken multiple times about how they always intended for Azula to be redeemed, and that Zuko would’ve been her Iroh.

[aemiron-main]

these are literally some of the dumbest tags ive ever seen. like. there’s SO much here that’s untrue, including the empathy part. “love couldnt have fixed him as a child” have you considered he didnt need to be fixed??? Did you even watch the show???? Love would have ABSOLUTELY helped him, and he didn’t need to be fixed.

like i shouldnt be surprised that people on here are Siding On The Side Of Child Abuse but… and just like god there’s so many Factual Errors here, shitty and cruel attitude aside. “torturing animals for fun” and the kid in question looks distressed the whole time & a bunch of parallels indicate that he was trying to free the rabbit, but god forbid we look beneath our first surface impressions, right?

and also, the whole “before the lab” thing makes me insane because it acts like everything in his life was fine prior to the lab. meanwhile, he talks about how he was treated as being broken PRIOR to the lab and how his mother despised him PRIOR to the lab and how she wanted to send him away to an abusive predator scientist PRIOR to the lab and that’s just the surface level shit let alone all of the subtext about what his life was like pre-lab.

and not only is it impossible for him to have been trancing victor and killing slice at the same time & theres so much weirdness there, even if he straight up murdered virginia and alice got killed as part of it, it’s not like it happened because He’s Inherently Bad And Evil. I think he was in the right to kill virginia!!!!! Like sorry but wanting to send him away to Brenner????? She had it coming. Alice didn’t, but again, there’s so much weirdness around that AND even if he did kill her, the whole thing could have been prevented if people (Virginia) weren’t trying to send him off to the lab/fix him.

Like it’s insane to me that people will watch Dart’s arc about how creatures from the UD aren’t inherently evil and how Dustin’s love made a huge impact on Dart and yet will also go “oh yep mhm the duffers wrote this Literal Human Child to be Evil and Bad and Broken and he Needs To Be Fixed but hes so broken that not even love can fix him”.

Like. Op is the one with the real lack of empathy here & I sure hope they don’t extend this viewpoint to the abused and autistic kids/people in their life. I don’t feel bad calling the tags dumb because they ARE dumb and literally factually inaccurate and they’re cruel and contributing to the stigma around people who are low empathy (and henry isn’t even low empathy).

[destinyc1020]

Thank you! I think you worded it perfectly. Like there is kind of this lack of empathy for Zendaya because she is rich and she will be fine, as if law is not also very rich. But the fact he didn't tell her beforehand is really not right. I get it was impulsive but I can't imagine being Zendaya and sitting in London and going on IG at the end of the day and seeint that. She probably was panicking and thinking something really bad happened and was worried about him and also probably shocked and upset. And then after all that to see the viral hate train go against her on Twitter, ig TikTok etc, to have hate comments on her IG and law to do nothing until like two days later??? I get law is a dramatic dude but none of that was fair to her, when she has been so loyal to him and like he said protected her. But I really feel law was just in it for himself.

Like I said, we all love Law and have done so for so many years, so that's why this is so tough to say.... But sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I didn't feel like it was right at all for him to just totally blindside her (his biggest client and little sister) like that. 🥴 It wasn't right to do that to his other clients either, but at least with Z I thought they talked about everything. I guess not 🥴

Yea, like you said, I'm sure in the end she will be fine (she's Zendaya after all), and I'm sure PLENTY of stylists would be chomping at the bit just to get to be her next stylist (Personally, my first choice would be Jason Bolden since he's black and styles many high-profile celebrities), but that still doesn't negate the fact that the way Law handled this was just really kinda cruel. 🥴

What Law SHOULD have done (imo) was inform Zendaya and the rest of his clients beforehand that he was retiring, and THEN post it to his IG.

And in all honesty, what he really could have done was told Zendaya privately that he was THINKING of retiring. She could have given him some time off. Maybe he's still grieving his nephew's death.... that's all understandable. Grief comes in WAVES. Some days you're perfectly fine, and other days you're a hot mess and a bundle of emotions. 😔 Little things can trigger you (ie. a memory, a photograph, etc). Like, I totally get all of that.

But he could have taken a much-needed BREAK, maybe even taken MONTHS off (if he needed to), then he could have come back with a more clear head, and then made whatever life-changing decisions he needed to make (if still applicable). 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm also still kind of miffed that he didn't just WAIT to post that retirement post. 🥴 He had FULL control over what he posted, and WHEN. This isn't like some paps photographed you one day against your knowledge and consent, and you had absolutely no idea some scandalous pictures of you were gonna come out to the public, so you didn't have time to warn anybody close to you lol. 🤣 😂

Like NO.... he had FULL CONTROL over WHAT he posted, and WHEN. 🤨

Personally, if it had been me, I would have deliberately waited weeks, maybe even MONTHS after the whole LV "no seat" fiasco in Paris before posting my "retirement", because now it just looks like you're retiring cuz you were mad and salty that you couldn't sit next to your client Zendaya at the fashion show. 👀

It would have garnered way less hate for his client Zendaya as well if he had just waited to release that announcement a little later until AFTER ppl forgot about the whole Paris thing, or at least after you and your client are seen working together on another event.

Everything is all about image in this industry, because everyday fans take little crumbs and run with it, creating a full on narrative, no matter how false it may be. 🙄 You have to ask yourself: "How is this going to look to other people?" 🤔

I just can't believe he let Zendaya go to London totally blindsided. 😔

He just didn't think of her feelings and mental health at all as far as I'm concerned. And I'm sorry, but I'm really just SHOCKED because that just doesn't seem like his character at all, but now I guess I know better lol 😅👀

If I were Z I would tread REAL carefully with him. 👀 I know I don't have all the facts, and of course I have no clue what they've discussed since then, so my knowledge of the situation is clearly very miniscule, and I freely admit that. But for him to basically say out of his own mouth that he didn't tell her (like, we're not just ASSUMING things here.... like, he basically said it himself) is just.... wow. 😳

He just showed me that when stuff hits the fan, he's gonna think about himself and himself only 👀

Idk.... like I said, I were Z I'd keep both eyes open, that's all I'm saying. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[psychedex]

Ah... I missed the post for day 7 of oc tober but that's ok! day 7 is personality! yet again I don't feel like drawing for this day but that's ok. Today I wanted to talk about ingram's personality, specifically his skewed morals

forgive me for not having much finished art oops

so in second chance lore, ingram is a demigod of hell! in this world, some humans are given a second chance at life by the god of heaven aldrich as angels, but sometimes they can corrupt and turn into demons based on their self image. ingram's job is to help these demons get back to being angels, and also to help carry out punishment for bad people.

despite having the reputation for being scary especially since he ate someone alive but whatever Ingram is actually very kind, shy, and has a very poor self image.

(art credit: beetleguts on instagram)

^ look at him. he's puppy.

he also loves goofing off and being a funnyman and bringing joy to other people's day :) but he's so occupied with the fear of rejection and being disliked that he has tricked himself into thinking he's a monster and he avoids everyone to the point where he exiled himself.

despite being very sweet and charming aside from his shy and awkward demeanor, he also holds zero empathy for people. not a bad thing, as one of the main themes of the story is that no empathy doesn't mean your bad. he has a lot of sympathy. but he will never understand people. which makes him feel alienated. (there's many reasons he doesn't understand people with autism being the number one but you know.)

his lack of empathy helps with his job because when it comes to most things, he tends to look at things objectively. he has an easy time punishing people like abusers or tyrants etc. he legit ate someone's dad cause he abused them. and some people think he's cruel for it. he thinks murder is ok. he believes that if it's justified, it should happen. a little cuckoo but it's ok I love my men silly

Some other facts about him are that he's super paranoid like deep in psychosis paranoid but he's not afraid of things like storms or monsters just people. a little quirky. yeah.

I'm a little too sick to go more indepth into his whole personality (thanks to whatever form of the cold I have), but he means a lot to me. I projected a lot of my internal feelings onto the second chance cast, and he matches up with most of my insecurities. I care him and I want to use him as a pillow.

[bondsmagii]

New anon. The most terrifyingly thing about the Chris Chan debacle was how much it it close to home for me. The doc did have a kindness to it that was pretty professional and even I couldn’t finish because what she went through. Like I see something of myself in her if i’d fallen in with the wrong people. I was very easily manipulated when I was younger and not mentally sound at all. I was even and can still be quite disturbed. I have people though. I got better with care and support.

I look at her and am like. I could have been someone like you.

And when I see that damn lack of empathy in people and the support for the people who tortured her and helped make her like that for their own pleasure…they delighted in every horrible thing she did so they could justify making themselves worse. I can understand people like that too because it’s easy to dehumanize people into acceptable targets for cruelty. All of it just makes me sad.

I really appreciate you sharing this. I don't think a lot of people realise how... easy, I suppose, it is to be targeted in this way. Chris has undeniably acted both inappropriately and cruelly in the past, and she may have even committed a horrific crime. this makes it very easy to see her as a one-dimensional villain who deserved it -- because this is what many people think. they think that because she's an undesirable person who may have committed a terrible crime, and who has been confirmed to act badly before, she deserves the cruel treatment she receives. it's easy for these people to write her off, deny her her humanity, and even revel in the torment she's suffered. they do not realise that it could have been literally anyone, and that before all of this started, Chris was just... doing her thing. yeah, she made mistakes, she acted badly, she had trouble expressing her emotions in acceptable ways -- but none of these things happened because she simply wanted to be awful. she was a severely autistic young woman with absolutely zero support systems in place, and the one support system she almost had -- a good school that was working with her in terms of social and educational plans -- was denied to her by her parents. isolated, alone, and completely unable to function normally in society due to her disabilities, Chris was doomed.

the fact is, she was targeted for being "cringe", and she was "cringe" because she was overly enthusiastic about her OC and because she acted in accordance with her severe autism. there are countless thousands of people just like her, and this could have happened (and could still happen) to any one of them. we don't know how we would act. nobody can say for certain what they would do if they were tortured and harrassed and put on some fucked up Truman Show for over a decade. even if we try, we can only come at it from a place of rational thought -- something that Chris did not have, and hadn't had for a long time, and that we can't guarantee that we would have at that late stage. the whole case is profoundly tragic, and it illustrates just how many people have surface-level humanity. they can preach acceptance, mental health support, LGBT support, whatever -- but if they do not extend this support and acknowledgment to absolutely everyone, no matter how badly they act or what they've done, then it means shit. you cannot preach human rights if you refuse to assign them to somebody because they're not a good example. Chris didn't deserve this, and if not for this torture, she would not have done half of what she did. considering that at some points of her life, when she actually managed to seperate herself from the internet for a few months, she made vast social improvements and sincerely worked on herself? she could have made it. instead she had hundreds of people watching her every move, hoping for her to fail, and orchestrating failures if she didn't mess up naturally. absolutely nobody deserves that. the treatment is inhumane and it is torture. the people who did this to her should be in prison, and I will stand by that.

I cannot express how glad I am that your life took a different route. had Chris had access to the same care and support that you did, I doubt she would be in the position she is now. people do not understand how easily things can change and how our lives can divert, even when we're just minding our business. I think in all the voyeuristic gawking and the misplaced sense of justice, people forget that there but for the grace of god go we. all it would take is for one single person to see you do something cringe and slap you on some deranged website, and then what? I doubt any of these people would say that they would deserve it themselves. is it so hard to believe that Chris didn't, either?

[gwydionmisha]

A Trip to the Lake, Jet Ski Rich Asshole Crutch Thieves, and the Uncleaner Stole Some Stuff.

Sunday I took some of the Millennials for swimming/picnic at the Lake for the first time this season.  I got to watch New Millennial fall in love with the PNW landscape exactly the way I did more than thirty years ago.

You can really tell which of us grew up with cold Northern Ocean.  Me: wading steadily deeper and deeper once I'm far enough in to keep my balance by my self on the rocks and the bottom gets a little smoother, then slowly swimming out a little deeper in search of the warmer tide.  (It's a run off fed lake, and the mixing of the cold inflow with the water that's been in the lowlands long enough, makes these weird little temperature striations you can very much feel even after you cold adapt).  Everybody Else: Wading crotch deep and thinking for a while about whether they want to swim after all, then going way slower and stopping a lot to rethink.

I love my Millennials.  The other two each had one of the newest Millennial's arms to help them over the rocks because the rocks suck and I'd forgotten to warn them.  Me, urging them on:  Keep coming!  I found the warm current!  New Millennial: Looking concerned this might be hazing, followed by the moment of delight and surprise on finding I was not.  Look, it's only like ten or fifteen degrees on a good day, but it does make a difference and the activity of swimming or treading water and the adaptation once you go up to your neck and then duck your head, all add up.  You just need to get into a sweet spot.

I discovered on the way back that my fucked up arms really, really don;t want to do backstroke.  I managed a lopsided curve towards shore until I was far enough in to pull along the rocks with my hands and kick.  So Goth Millennial is hanging close on the way to the shallows, because I can't really get out safely by myself and need help getting up onto my feet and staying there until I'm reasonably sure they are working, at which point either Goth Millennial (or Techie Millennial, who couldn't come), would grab my crutch so I could use it and their arm to get out onto the "beach."

My crutch was not where I left it.  My crutch was not anywhere nearby where someone might have moved it if it were in the way of say launching a jet ski from the wrong stretch of "beach"  instead of the boat and jet ski launch area.  I mention jet skis as their were two anchored in the swimming area where they were not meant to be we we arrived, one of which way out past the swim buoys where it was meant to be, and the other parked on the "beach" where it emphatically should not be, surrounded by mostly kids, obscuring view of the corner where the "beach hits the cit off with the higher land and grass.  But I hadn't gone near that, and I needed the crutch to get out to look to see if the crutch was there.

I am still angry about that fad a decade or so ago when asshole able bodied art students would steal poor people's wheelchairs for shitty "art projects" and then brag about it on line as if stealing an expensive thing someone couldn't afford to replace and stranding them somewhere like a park or a bathroom or an inaccessible public building was something virtuous and clever instead of an incredibly cruel things to do to someone, as if their crap project was worth more than someone else's independence.  My crutch is basically one of my legs.  Someone's wheels are their legs.

Every time I go into the water anywhere, I know there is a chance someone will steal my crutch.  This is the PNW, and I think someone leaving a mobility aid next to the water makes sense to the ableds, whereas someone leaving a wheelchair on the pavement in a park doesn't for some asshole shitty lack of empathy and imagination neurotypical reason, I guess.

So I'm starting to get really upset and Goth Millennial is really worried and we are having a loud conversation along the lines of Me: shit!  I can you see my crutch anywhere?  I left it right there. I think someone may have stolen !it! Millennial standing up and going to look across the bad rock stretch craning their head around to see if some asshole maybe put it on the grassy bit above the cut:  I can't see it!  It's not there!"  Middle School age, glaring resentfully at one of the younger kids, stomps around to the other side of the illegal parked jet ski, where we had zero chance of seeing it, retrieves it and hands it to me.  Me: you're very kind!  Thank you!  Goth Millennial hoists me to my feet while I use their arm and the crutch to just barely get my balance.  This is a complicated and painful procedure, returning to gravity after freedom, and I need to stand their awhile like two or three feet away from Asshole Jet Ski Extended family.  These kids just stare at me the whole time we are doing this.  It is very, very obvious that my normally invisible disability is very, very real.  Grumpy teen in charge to a younger kid:  You better go apologize.  No one apologizes.  They keep staring at us hobble slowly and carefully up the shallow stairs.  After I went to pee and wash lake water off my hands before eating, I went to set my crutch down by my chair and all this water poured out of it.  I'd left it on dry land.  

Asshole Family who was too privileged to use the boat and jet ski launch who thus had to drive their jet skis through the swim area had stolen my fucking crutch to play with in the water and the missing adults and the grumpy teen in charge had let them, and then they hid it behind their angled jet ski so no one could see it afterwards.  They could have lost it in the lake.  They could have kept it.

We found out when our friends came out of the water that they’d also stolen and hid our blind friends flip flops, which they grudgingly had returned when it was clear they were hers.

Rich people are the worst.

So we go get dinner stuff at the grocery store and drop a Millennial off and I'm in my kitchen searching for my reusable straws, of which I own four.  I have one I was using for lemonade which I put in the refrigerator last night.  I had assumed the other three were in the wash or something up until now, but I searched the dishwasher and they weren't there.  All the flatware are in the dishwasher except the chopsticks and some specialty use items, since we didn't know which the Asshole Cleaner hadn't cleaned properly before putting back.  we’d emptied the trays.  I search there and around there anyway.  There are no reusable straws in the kitchen except the one I was drinking out of Friday when Asshole Stoner Cleaner was uncleaning the apartment.

The time she was here high as a kite she kept wiggling them and shouting "Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle!"  She was obsessed with them.  They were a gift from Goth Millennial.  I don't think they were that expensive, but they were cute and had a nice texture and are earth friendly.  (Some people can't use reuseable straws for a bunch of reasons and we have emergency plastic straws here.  This is not any sort of judgement on people who use single use.  Let's ban fishing industry plastics which are most of the ocean plastic pollution before going after disabled people's straws, okay?)

I think the only reason she didn't steal the forth straw was it was right next to me so I could poke it up under the mask for brief sips.  I'd left it and the cup in the fridge because I don't like to put them to wash until I see a new clean straw I can use in situations like this or when my arms are bad, and it's easier and safer to hold the cup low, or sometimes just because.  They are reusable!  It hurts nothing.  I wanted a straw because my body wasn't working and I wanted to drink the juice I'd bought for dinner while lying down and waiting for things to stop hurting so much. 

There is zero chance the other three are still here.

I had checked my bedroom right after she left for small, easily stealable things missing from the bookshelf where I put curios right after she left because the comment about my interesting things felt like something a person might say anyway, but also a things someone who might pocket once would say and I was already upset and wary of her because of everything.  There are things it would be hard to check, like my BPAL Collection, but odds are she wouldn't steal those.  She'd have had to climb on the bed and go through the little boxes and she was only unsupervised in there for a few minutes with the sweep and mop.  I will need to see if she stole the bottle where I keep a few tramadol in case I wake up unable to get out of bet or occasionally, even roll over without an hour or more of slow, excruciating effort.  While they clean, I'm sitting at my desk right next to the bottled meds collection that mostly feed assorted pill organizers, and the shelf above where the things I need to grab quick in an emergency are not surprisingly untouched.  If anything had been stolen when I got up to go to the bathroom the parent tramadol bottle would be easiest to raid and the only really attractive thing to steal except throat pearls, and you'd have to know what they were and they are not recreational, just a little expensive and perscription.  The altar and display shelf over the sofa seems fine, and she definitely didn't go in grabbing distance anyway.

When I went into the bathroom to bathe the lake water away, I noticed some small things missing.  One of them I'd assumed was in the wash, but I have done a bunch of laundry over the weekend since the Ajax tainted clothes get washed separately and I don't want the dye to be leached by cleanser by letting them sit unwashed, and we have to wash the mop head by itself between uses to get all the ajax out.  It's not in the wash.  It's gone, a small, very useful thing.  Nothing expensive is missing that I've noticed yet, but I haven't properly inventoried all the otc things and the prescription ointments and such, but I'm guessing those wouldn't be attractive.  I doubt she'd steal books.  She didn't strike me as a reader, but when I am in less pain and less exhausted, I'll inventory them better.

Asshole.  Fucking asshole.  

I know it could have been worse.  Every little curio and most of the art except some things in the bathroom that are there because of the risk of steam or water damage have a story.  They were given to me by friends or lovers or made by me when my hands still worked right or purchased at particular events or on particular occasions.  These are memories and irreplaceable regardless because they are mostly hand made or limited edition from conventions.

We don't have money for replacing straws right now.  They haven't paid Goth Millennial for a month and a half, not even for the supposedly paid training sessions.  I owe money to the Honest Mechanic for the third time in three months and am about to burn two thirds of my bill money tomorrow on that, because you never ever fuck over a small business, just like you never ever fuck over another poor person.  (I don’t steal, but I think ethically, stealing from a big chain to feed your kids is okay, and very much better than letting you kids starve, especially given the wage theft and lobbying against the social safety net and minimum wage those chains do.  They steal from the poor, particularly their workers and if they hadn’t paid politicians to do things that prevent people from having enough to eat, then which is the bigger evil?  Mom and pops?  Family Businesses? Little micro businesses and artists and what have you?  Never, ever okay.  Small businesses are the life blood of a community online and RL, and letting me defer payment is a major fucking favor, so they are next after housing, whatever happens to my other bills.  The other few things I spotted are replaceable if we had money for it.

I am so fucking angry anyway.  I already felt my home was desecrated by her uncleaning it and distressing Tavy and the all over fuckery of it, but this small thing, this thing that wouldn't matter if I were a little better off or they weren't a gift, but feel like a big thing when added to all the rest.  

It takes a lot to make me hate someone.  We are not there yet, but if I do find something important I overlooked gone, I will, much like I still hate the ex-friend from first college who took three important things with sentimental value that were/are irreplaceable when he dropped out.  This is how he became an ex-friend.  He knew that the plaque was the last thing the artist my first freshman lover bought it from made and that it had a bunch of layered meanings in what was written on it.  The things he stole from me and another friend were like that.  Very personal and chosen with surgical precision to cause the most distress.  (He did other, worse things, then made sure everyone thought, I’d done them and I was a monster.  none of this we found out until he’d gone and we none of us could figure out why.  Okay, the terrible things he needed someone to frame, but the rest... Sociopathy was the best guess for all of it really.  Last I checked he was still working with children and there was fuck all provable we can do about it, but he really, really shouldn’t have been working with children). These things the Uncleaner stole were small, replaceable things, not something where there is no other one even if memories weren’t attached. 

All the things missing I've looked for off and on since the time she was here high, under the belief they were misplaced or in the wash.  I wouldn't be surprised if that's when she took them and that's part of why she was so embarrassed the second time, but if she were really embarrassed she could have brought them back then and I'd never have known.  Like, she could have tossed them into one washer or the other, or tucked them around the sink, and I'd have just thought that was where they were.

I know the Asshole Agency will do fuck all, but I'm going to call them anyway.  Goth Millennial said before we knew about the theft that she was the one who was a class traitor, because you don't do shit like this to another poor person.  I have no idea when my apartment will actually be clean again.  I'm doubting that an extra two hours this week even if someone turns up will do it.

We are still baffled by the thought process.  

If she'd put the dishes into the dishwasher like I'd asked, it would have been fine and not tons of extra time and work cleaning everything.  I still need to sit on the kitchen floor in the Ajax to go through all the pots and pans in case the extra cleaner does come.  If she'd rinsed and dried them before putting them away, it would have been not ideal, but likely fine.  She did neither for no reason we can understand.  Putting them away wet and soapy was actually more work than racking them in the dishwasher like I asked.  

Not only was the bottle of liquid all purpose cleaner right in front when I opened the cabinet under the sink to hand it to Goth Millennial Saturday when they decided wet mopping wouldn't be enough, there was a literal second full bottle behind it because I hate running out of things so I tend to buy two at once if I have enough cash for it and the trip to get the one I like that is effective but doesn't make bad smells is annoying if I don't want a big mark up.  It was right there.  couldn't have missed it if she'd opened the compartment.  To get at the Ajax I use only for the toilet, she had to go past the dish soap for the sink and tub and the shampoo and conditioner I bought before the engine light went on last month.  She could have used the dish soap and it would have been not ideal, but fine except for all the extra water.  A wet mop after she left would have solved it.  She had to go on her hands and knees and move things to get the Ajax.  Following directions was Easier.  Asking me to get it if she somehow couldn't recognize it as a bottle of liquid cleaner was easier.  Getting about a third to a half of a big cylinder of Ajax out of those small holes was definitely harder than doing it properly.

WTF!?!

I get that stealing small stuff you don't need is actually a symptom of mental illness that requires therapy she likely can't afford, and given how high she was she really had no observable impulse control I could see, hence her repeatedly stopping work to pet a cat I'd warned her not to, and the 'wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, and all the many other things.  This is the only explicable part of it.  Like I get it.  If that's all she'd done I would have been mildly miffed and reported and blocked her because I don't like people stealing my stuff and she might take something from someone else they couldn't eventually replace, but I wouldn't be this kind of furious.  A compulsion to steal and/or walking away with something because one is borderline incoherent high and then going oops later are pretty easy to understand motivation wise.

Doing all this extra work to do so much damage to someone you barely know makes zero sense.  I was nice to her!  I sent her home with a big bag of food each time!  We none of us think this was malice.  It can't be laziness as this took so much extra work than not doing damage would.  so seriously WTF, with the dishes and the Ajax?  This question haunts us all.

[hadeantaiga]

I know everyone who follows me on Tumblr is cool, but I've seen some buckwild takes on twitter (mostly from people who are extremely anti-Izzy, yes, it's a thing, there's been a lot of drama, a lawsuit, and doxxing involved)

ANYWAY

I've seen some folks claiming that Stede is a horrible person for abandoning Edward... and in the same breath, they place all the blame for Edward embodying the Kraken at the end of the season on Izzy.

Both situations were trauma-induced reactions. But in one situation, the person is blamed for their actions, and in the other, he's excused.

Personally, I think it shows a severe misunderstanding of how trauma works, and a disconcerting lack of respect for people who react to "fight or flight" with flight instead of fight. There is of course actually four options: fight, flight, freeze, fawn.

I've seen this reaction in other fandoms too: people really cannot wrap their heads around anxiety, trauma, and fear causing a character to flee a situation if it results in someone else being harmed. I recognize it immediately, as someone who also has an anxiety disorder.

In Yuuri on Ice (stay with me), Yuuri has an anxious break down near the end of the series. He decides that the best way to "fix" the situation is to "run away" by breaking everything off with Victor. Yuuri very much has a low sense of self-worth and views himself as bringing Victor down, and preventing Victor from skating.

In OFMD, Stede has an anxious break down near the end of the season. He decides in a moment of utterly traumatic panic that the best way to "fix" the situation is to run away back home. Stede very much has a low sense of self-worth and views himself as bringing Edward down and is accused more than once of "bringing the greatest pirate ever to ruin".

You can see the similarities. I think I deserve a reward for comparing Yuuri on Ice to OFMD.

Anyway, in both cases, I saw a lot of fans expressing zero understanding, empathy, sympathy or compassion for either Yuuri or Stede.

"Oh my god, he's so cruel, how could he do that!? He needs to apologize on his knees! He doesn't deserve to be taken back!"

But let's look at Edward: he's also facing trauma: he was left behind by Stede, and then Izzy comes along and in his attempt to snap some sense into Edward, he makes it worse.

But Edward doesn't flee.

Edward's response is, in my opinion, a combination of fight and fawn. He becomes the Kraken both to literally fight, and also to appease Izzy, to scare people into believing he is who they want him to be. It's a very aggressive form of fawning, but he's not doing it for himself, he's doing it to make other people happy. He's becoming who he thinks they want him to be: the Kraken. It is, in its own way, a form of flight too, because he's retreating inside himself and putting up a persona to hide behind, but I think people don't always catch on to that form of flight.

And the people out there blaming Stede for his reactions don't blame Edward, they blame Izzy! "It's Izzy's fault! He did this!"

So Stede gets to keep his agency, but Edward doesn't. Edward is a victim, but Stede isn't.

And that's not even getting into how Izzy's actions are in and of themselves a response to him being genuinely worried for Edward's mental and physical well-being. He even tries to send in Lucius first before resorting to threats. He tries to do things the gentle and kind way.

All of the characters are reacting to everything and it's a big clusterfuck of feelings, but some folks don't like things to be complicated, so they have to pick aggressors and victims, and somehow, those folks decided Stede and Izzy were to blame, and Edward has no control or agency over his decisions.

And I think people just overall have more respect for people, fictional and real, who react to panic and trauma with "fight" instead of "flight". Which is a damn shame. I'm not sure if ableist is the right word here, but it feels derogatory in some way.

[anthonyreadsthecards]

Well lovely friend it is review time but before I go into it I want to say that should you ever want that reading, feel free to come my way and I'd be happy to do it for you. After all, you have helped me a LOT over this at least year since I got to be graced with your account. That may sound dramatic but it means a lot to get insight on a situation from someone just neutral and looking from the outside within.

Tw: mentions of abuse, family issues, gaslighting, manipulation, deadnaming, misgendering, there just is a lot tbh.

As for the review though: Once again you knocked it out of the park. It seems since he and I even first met (we had a VERY rocky start to our relationship as I only actually met him when I was about 6 1/2 years old), it feels like I was just fighting an uphill battle and losing immensely. To try and do this in a way that won't accidentally throw anyone in a loop via triggers, my dad definitely was a king at finding different ways to abuse me. Verbally, emotionally, mentally, you name it he did it. He was EXTREMELY neglectful to where I know if I was wise and called DCF, he would have definitely gotten in trouble, to the point where I most likely would not have been in his care. Why I never called or told anyone? I felt so afraid he would get mad because of his reputation being ruined.

Truth be told I was in denial for years I had any real "daddy issues" but it definitely is hitting me hard. As all my friends over the years would say, he was the "typical Asian dad (he is Korean; note: not all Asian parents are like this and I know that)" who literally would punish me in cruel and unusual ways or basically "discipline me" to leave it vaguely should I get anything lower than an A. He told me that if I was not trying to be a doctor, lawyer, or anything that made money, I'd forever be picking up garbage off the side of the road and I'd be in and out of jail like my mother, brother, and sister (my brother and sister are my half siblings, I was his only child). This has been about 20 years almost of him just using me, abusing my kindness and the issues between hin and I run deep and his side of the family essentially just blames his cerebral palsy for his lack of empathy and care while I grew up and literal neglect. Like, I'm sorry but who fights with a kid over lunch money or having more than Dustin's (a BBQ place) leftovers in the house to eat? Or to fight with them over things like school supplies and clothes because kids grow???

Ironic enough? I got SUPER lucky that I had some very kind friends who noticed I was in a VERY bad place mentally and I had actually done it to where I cut that side of the family off temporarily. My mom's side of the family despite not being that much better were kind enough to protect my location and would not let them near me, but they called my work constantly where one of the friends and I worked as my dad is one of the supervisors of the entire place and so kuch so that he almost got my friend fired and my boss even was about ready to call the cops.

So I caved. I felt guilty because at the time our relationship was decent enough and really it was my aunt I got very concerned over about other frightening stuff. So I finally talked to them all again and guess what? Nothing changed. I had a literal mental breakdown and they basically accepted the answer but still said it was not a good reason. To them? Literal depression that just keeps getting worse because of what my dad and his family does does not matterbeven if they say it does. Even when I have many times told them the things they say and do hurt me, they claim they are not at fault.

Now here we are again. This past year, nothing has changed and it is just slowly getting worse again. My dad scrutinizes every little thing I do. He deadnames me, misgenders me, and so much more despite him supposedly accepting that I am genderfluid and am not comfortable with my deadname and so forth. The only person who did actually care was my halmeoni (my grandmother aka his mom). I even expressed that I didn't get time with her like my cousins did and feel like the only way I can really keep myself connected with her was to learn Korean culture and the language because otherwise I did not feel Korean enough. He flat out told me if I wanted to be Korean so bad I could go to South Korea but she chose to come to America so I should be happy.

Especially as of late, my depression once again has gotten worse. It's so much so that I cannot recall a time I was actually free from it and of course, signs around me begin just popping up around me about how I just need to leave it all behind. Music for me is a big one, but I have seen it in films, media I consume and more. Literally just went to a concert for Aurelio Voltaire and I had been a fan of his for almost 15 years and he told us all his story about how heeft a toxic environment because he literally was going to if you will- commit unalive until he met some very helpful people and left. I NEVER heard that story of his but it hit me hard that night and now his song Raised by Bats is something I take solace in. I already wanted to move, but this gave me more reason at the time to do so. Shoot, I am even sure Odin whom I had not entirely had contact with lately due to me trying to get my medical issues sorted even slapped some hints right at my face too. This right here? This reading just is the final straw on the camel's back. For years I was the friend who would help others leave toxic families and relationships of any kind and give them a shoulder to cry on. Me? It is hard for me to do it myself. I always felt crazy whether I just was over exaggerating or not on his twists from what seems like a supportive father to a monster. Even friends who once respected him now tell me to leave. So thank you for this. This really helps put the nail in the coffin on what kind of game plan I need to make and I truly feel like me meeting Voltaire and seeing this after is definitely some divine knock on the door. I got to talk to Voltaire after the show too and he told me the story of a character in his book he was making, there was a character in his book with my name (just one letter differently but his name is Artorius not Artorias) who originally worked with the villains and he was the first to see that everything went too far. That enough was enough.

So to anyone else that is in my shoes and can try to leave such things? I'll give you the same words Voltaire gave me in hopes it helps:

"Enough it Enough. It's time to leave now."

Ok first things first you get a hug because...just damn my guy that breaks my heart that you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your story with me and with whomever else reads this post. I understand wanting to hold out but you said it yourself a parent wouldn't act this way to their kid. I wish you all the best and I hope that you can find a place where you can be away from him and flourish with the people who truly do love you. Thank you, for all of this, and have a wonderful rest of your week.

[mmmcheetos]

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bw85cjBOzhXwMflMumwe4?si=b4fa8ff4dc1049a6 - idk if i've ever shared the jinxue story playlist with you so here!! (yes ik there is a disturbing amount of fnaf songs, i'm on tumblr, what did you expect?)

If i may be so bold, I'd like to elaborate on the song choice 'Main Character'! It's Jin Yuran 1.0 and the song is him sloooowwwwlllyyyyy descending into insanity while trying to keep positive because he's the beaming eldest son made of sun rays. However, the bridge is when he properly loses it, and i've assigned little lyrics to people in my head so forgive me briefly while i explain it to you like a goddamn film script: Lai Yingxue: "Judge me by what my cover shows/" (practically emotionless on the outside and this is how everyone percieves him) "author becomes beyond reproach/" (Because of his disposition, he's talked ill off) "you don't know the prose or is the spine is still intact" (No one ever actually bothers to get to know him, his thoughts and feelings are ignored due to his demeanour, a book never read because the words look too long)

JYR's Dad: "...The Royak We/demand a standard of loyalty/in order to be reverent, lick the emperor's new boots" (Forcing the guoshi all to listen and obey and basically suck up to him, at risk of their loved one's lives)

Mai Guiying: "The court's fool got the guillotine" (1, his head was cut off, 2, he is the 'fool' of the court, naive and trusting but too scared to actually seek help until, eventually, he goes to the wrong person)

all guoshi: "we all do what we need to to get through/" (them taking their anger out on the children, slowly becoming cruel and bitter as being held hostage in a gilded cage put on display makes them slowly begin to lose any care they had for being in the moral right, just desperate for catharsis) JYR, in the immediate following lyric: "But I ain't done a fucking thing to you!" (He's an innocent bystander who was caught as a ransom in a war he didn't know existed - he never hurt anyone until he broke)

Also JYR, fast forwarding a few lines: "I mean, imagine if antagonists lacked any evil scheme!" (This one is a scene in my head of emporer JYR holding a hostage LYX's face, screaming desperately into a blank expression - the impact of the line comes from the irony: LYX was no antagonist, he didn't have an evil scheme. He and his friends lashed out and it hurt the wrong person. JYR was never part of the equation but he was the one who ended the game by destroying it. His descent to madness was an accident, not deliberate, but he cannot see it any other way because he simply doesnt know. In his decimated mind, LYX is a man of no love, empathy or kindness; he is a true villain)

Yikes, i just went english student-ish on you my apologies-

anyways, enjoy my thoughts!!!

🐉

au contraire there is not enough fnaf songs (i am on tumblr too my friend). there are so many bangers in this playlist tho love to see it

also don't apologise !!! i loved reading through this (especially after a ridiculous amount of math, i think i'm descending into insanity)

i'm now thinking about what you said ("while trying to keep positive because he's the beaming eldest son made of sun rays.") and how "i'm the main character, you have to like me" applies to jyr bc he's he prince! he's trying so hard to impress his tutors! and yet, they all hate him and make him suffer. and his second chance at life is a chance for him to be that likable, o.p. main character. idk tho i am not the english student here i have lost the ability to analyse texts

[kitkipauli]

20/08/22 Sometimes you're the lamb, sometimes the wolf

However long this situation is going to last, I intend to learn from it.

It's nice to realise you're not all-knowing and always right for once - it really is a much better feeling than expected, although quite bittersweet.

I have realised that there exist realms beyond my own and that is - I get really lost in my defences, in my needs, in my perspective.

Sometimes I'm really cruel and selfish - and sometimes in the past I would know it and I would choose to ignore it, I would cause other people pain for my own gain. I do feel very ashamed of it. I have learned to push it to the back of my mind, so as not to change my perception of myself. I couldn't bear seeing myself as the opressor, someone bad and not the victim of circumstances. I will have to learn to face it and work through it, so I can truly be good.

Because the whole thing is, I wanna be good. I've done so much bad in my life, always convincing myself that it's for the sake of survival, that I was the victim there. Always depending on people not finding out about it or forgiving me for some reason.

I think I got that from my mother, that little bit of narcissism. And on top of that, a great conviction in my pain, one so amazing that I could convince others to forgive my sins.

Looking deeper into my so-called 'empathy' I find some more flaws in my logic - it really seems like my hightened sensitivity to other people's moods and emotions wasn't really caring about them, and responding to them or taking care of them wasn't a part of my natural altruismy. And then it dawns on me, oh so heavy in my belly and on my arms - I didn't really care, I was afraid of them and it was just a trauma response.

I can't say that I have never been altruistic in my life, and those moments come to me more and more often now, but I am still baffled by my own lack of self-awareness in such an important part of my life.

And really, I'm not trying to paint myself as a villain now, but I do have to be honest - I really think that I manipulate people emotionally, so they won't hurt me, so they will like me, so I can get their kindness etc.

I have learned this love-bombing and selfishness at home - my mother was a wounded child in need of constant support and love and at the same time feeling too unworthy to just keep someone by her side naturally.

My partner turned to look at me today, calmly and said something that really made me think, because he managed not to trip off any of my fear-of-abandonment-alarms that make me shut down and shut anyone out. And thankfully to him, I started this thought process, that I am convinced will make me a better person, a person truly giving and receiving love and feeling free in their relationships instead of like a scared rat digging through trash.

He said - It really makes sense what you feel and what you say, it really does. It's all very clear and logical, but it seems that you are lacking the perspecive of the other person.

And it dawned on me - I hardly ever do that. I don't really think about how people will feel, I only care when I have something to gain in a way.

I wanna be truly kind, I want that light beaming from me, I wanna feel as one, enlightened, open hearted. Like my dear friend whom I met not so long ago.

Would you imagine, that I befriended someone out of jealousy and then dumped them with no explanation, and more than once? Could you imagine I made people fall in love with me just so I wouldn't be alone/I would feel better about myself?

And the more I couldn't crack someone open, the more they were resistant to my lovebombing, to my unwavering niceness, to my grand gestures, the more I was intigued.

Of course, this is just a post to clear up some unpleasant things in my head, I'm not falling into the trap of self-pity - this is a great reason to observe myself and grow some gorgeous new habits on top of the jagged rocks of my trauma.

And judging by the wonderful people around me I can't be so bad anyway.

Kind Regards,

Kalina

[makeste]

BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids​ for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

[luvyanfei]

with a short & insecure s/o (hcs)

ft. xiao, kaeya, zhongli, & xingqiu requested by anon

this,,, this is me

xiao. 

he’s appalled when he finds out people actually tease you for your height. xiao has always known how terrible humans can be, but to think they would attempt to tear someone down, specifically his lover, just because they’re considered small irate him to no end. you might want to hold on to him tightly before he can storm off and declare war on the bullies who dared to torment you in any way. 

he honestly doesn’t care if you’re short or tall, ugly or pretty - your appearance isn’t what’s important here. he fell in love with you for what’s inside of you, don’t forget that, okay? xiao may not outright say all that because he’s embarrassed of showing his soft side to you, but if your insecurity gets the better of you, he’ll at least lend an ear to you as you rant to him while stargazing together. 

however, what xiao despises more than others treating you poorly is you belittling yourself. he has zero tolerance for that kind of attitude and will react quite aggressively, gripping you by the shoulders and shaking you. he can’t help himself. it hurts him deeply, dare he say more than a stab to his heart, seeing you wallowing in self-hatred. he’s harsh, but he means well. xiao would much rather see a content smile on your face than having you look disconsolate. 

“have you finally stopped your wailing yet?” xiao peers at your face drenched in tears in disinterest, but really, he’s pretty concerned on the inside. your sobs have been reduced to quiet sniffles, but your body won’t stop trembling. he looks away for a minute, sighs heavily, and pulls you into his arms, a blush coating his cheeks. 

he stays silent the whole time, too nervous to do anything really, as your palms press against his chest lightly and will yourself to calm down. xiao clears his throat and brings a finger down to brush away the glistening tears from your eyes. 

“look, just because you’re short, it doesn’t mean i don’t like you any less,” he whispers only for you to hear, and presses his lips to your forehead, letting it linger there for a few seconds. “even if you, or anybody else, don’t think you’re worthy enough, i at lease still care about you, so don’t let others’ opinions get to you.”

kaeya.

not to be blunt or anything, but kaeya being, well kaeya, he’s probably going to relentlessly tease you. he doesn’t do it because he harbors any ill-intent towards you. it’s just, kaeya is very fond of your flustered expression. if you happen to end up crying from his words, he’ll immediately stop and apologize guiltily. the last thing he needs is for you to abandon him too because of a fault on his end. 

kaeya really does love you a lot, despite your flaws and silently admires you for your empathy and altruism. one good thing about being shorter than your boyfriend is that you can wear his clothing on and he’ll be a gushing mess in no time. he’ll purposefully place his jacket somewhere for you to find in hopes you’ll put it on. he may be doing this just for the purpose of having fun, but he likes knowing that it means you're comfortable and accepting in your relationship with him. 

he likes patting you on the head when you pass by each other at random times, his lips curling in a knowing smirk. if you ever need help obtaining items that are out of your reach, kaeya will conveniently be there to lend a hand. it fuels his confidence how you always go to him for help instead of seeking support from someone who might be more reliable. it goes to show that your trust in him is deep. 

“having difficulties, [name]?” kaeya hollers to gain your attention as you look down from the ladder to glance at the knight, your hand outreached to grab at the material you need with failed attempts. “allow me to be of service~” 

he gestures for you to climb down and gets up the ladder himself, easily grasping the object in his fingers. once his feet has touched the ground, he lowers his hand to give it to you, but before your fingertips can make contact with it, he pulls it away from you. "ah ah ah~ shouldn’t i get some kind of a compensation for helping my dearest?” you stare at him in confusion before an idea plants itself in your head. ah. so that’s what he wants. with a roll of your eyes, you stride up the ladder till your eyes meet and kisses him on the lips. 

as you push your body away from him, he gives a closed-eye grin and nods in satisfaction. “that wasn’t too bad, now was it?” kaeya finally hands you the item, but he grips your free hand in his and guides it to press against his warm cheek. “you should realize by now what you’re capable of doing, stealing my heart like this. you’re so cruel [name], but perhaps that’s why i’ve grown to love you.” 

zhongli.

zhongli is an honest and good-natured man. he’ll immediately tell you that he doesn’t think to care about your height, so there’s no reason for you to worry about it either. he’s not an idiot though. he’s aware that your self-deprecating thoughts won’t disappear so easily with his consoling words alone. actions speak louder than words, after all. 

if anyone ends up insulting you for your size, zhongli won’t hesitate to politely stand up for you. although, if they stubbornly persist in demeaning you, it’ll push him to the brink of indignation, but he’ll still attempt to keep up a courteous manner for your sake as he calmly tells them to back off. like kaeya, he loves it when you wear his clothing! he’s lived for a long time to see many things, but witnessing you cuddling him while his jacket is draped snugly over your body has got to be the cutest thing he’s seen yet. 

ever the supportive individual, zhongli will help you come out of your shell and build up on your self-esteem. he’s there with you every step of the day, so if you ever slip and feel like you’re about to fall into an abyss of despair, he’ll take your out-stretched hands in his and guide you back into the light. 

“[name], is something the matter? you look as if you’re bothered by something.” zhongli questions innocently, studying your face carefully. your eyes droop slightly, but you reassure him that you were pondering how it would feel like if you were as tall as him. he nods in understanding and brings a hand up to his chin in thought. 

before you know it, he’s turned his back towards you and kneeled down. perplexed, you stare at him, unsure of what he’s doing. “you said you desired to know what it’s like to be around my height, so this is the only thing i can think of.” hesitantly, you place your hands on his shoulder blades to balance yourself and he makes sure to hold onto you tightly as he stands up slowly. you smile in appreciation at zhongli’s consideration over your feelings and presses your body closer to his. 

he beams back at you, sealing a kiss to your lips. “if you ever feel down, remember that there’s at least one person in the world that loves you - one of them being me, of course.” 

xingqiu.

he also reacts similar to kaeya, although his teasing is slightly toned down and less vocal. like, if you wanted to give him a kiss on the cheek, he might lean away from you and probably use a stool to make himself taller, but he’ll stop after a bit of fun and laughter. it’s not funny unless both of you are smiling, right?

he finds your short stature to be one of your charm points and will compliment you for that, calling you adorable and such. it’s kind of perfect for him because he likes being the big spoon, embracing you from behind and nuzzling his face against the back of your neck. if you’re around the same age as him, it’s alright! there’s still time for you to grow. he’s sure the both of you will be tall soon. there’s no judgement when you’re with him, so don’t be afraid of being yourself around xingqiu, alright? 

if he finds out your confidence is still lacking, he’ll scribble down a list of all the things he loves about you for you to read to lift your spirits up! although, that might prove to be a challenge considering his handwriting is infamously known for being illegible. 

“hmm... isn’t that the picture we took at liyue harbor together?” xingqiu observes the photo in your hand, reminiscing the fond memories. his honey irises flicker to you. “hey, what’s with the frown?” 

you shake your head and tries to change the subject, but he presses on to persuade you into explaining. when you finally do, he bursts into a fit of laughter, wiping away the tears pricking the edge of his eyes. “i apologize for my behavior, but [name], you shouldn’t have to concern yourself with such a trivial matter.” he tucks away a stray strand of your hair behind your ear, his index finger ghosting over your lips. 

“have i ever told you that you’re cute?” xingqiu murmurs, a sense of genuine compassion laced in his tone. “don’t stare at me like that, please. i’m quite serious, so there’s no need to compare yourself with me. no matter the height difference, i’ll always love you - if you’ll allow me too. 

tagging. @liliisacutieowo, @scarymoosh