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#sometimes ive been thinking if anything is real. just. idk.
writerblue275 · 24 hours
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hi i love ur work so much and ive been racking up the courage to try and make a request so here we go. uhm. can you do maybe an irritated/upset!reader and how the heartsteel boys would comfort them? or vice versa with them being upset and the best way to comfort them/reader trying to comfort them.. idk loll. (ily again btw ur works giv me life)
Hello sweet Anon!! I’m so happy you enjoy my work! Thank you for the lovely words, they mean a lot to me. And thank you for requesting!! I totally get it. I’m a very anxious person so I definitely have to work up the courage to request or comment on stuff. But I promise I don’t bite (like 99.999999% of the time)!💙
How Heartsteel would comfort an upset/frustrated reader
Inspiration: So I know I said I’d work on requests generally in the order they’re sent, but I was literally in the process of doing basically this as a non-requested WiP. Because lately life has been TRYING. ME. 🙃 (I will neither confirm nor deny having multiple stress cries in my car the past week.) So even though this is my newest request, since I was already working on something like this, I might as well combine the two. I think I’ll just keep this to them comforting the reader, but I like the idea of doing a separate one where reader comforts the Heartsteel members. Also listen, I absolutely love me a good comfort moment. I melt.
Genre: Headcanon (with some fake texts??? Trying something a little new here.)
Type: A bit angsty just because you’re upset, but fluff because comfort.
Gender: Gender Neutral Reader!
TW: General hurt/comfort. Mentions of a no good very bad day/week for reader. Swearing.
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Aphelios
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I think Aphelios would actually do comfort pretty damn well. He’s also used to being stressed and tired and upset about things (because let’s be real he works so hard. Too hard sometimes) so he’d be great to turn to.
One thing I think Phel would do, if you do visit him in his studio, is play music to distract your mind a bit from whatever has you so upset. Now this might be through a file he’s already recorded on his computer and sent to Yone to be mixed. However, he also just has a shit ton of different instruments in his work space.
So pick one for him to play and he’s happy to do so. You get like a mini concert from an instrumental prodigy! Or even better, pick one that you want to try! He’s happy to teach you some basics on how to play it.
And it doesn’t matter how badly you might sound as you attempt to play an instrument for the first time, Phel’s nodding and clapping as if you just finished giving an incredible performance. Every time. Because he supports you. (Though he will use some very very light teasing occasionally, but he’s joking.)
And he’d definitely order some food in and cuddle or nap with you on his studio couch (which is so mind-blowingly comfortable for some reason). And once you are eating and settled together and in a better mood, then he’d ask if you want to talk about things.
And you don’t have to. He’s happy to continue to keep your mind on happier things. Phel also has a couple gaming consoles hooked up to a tv that you can play with him/watch him play. But he’s also happy to just let you talk and get everything off your chest. (He’s just so supportive oh my god.)
Ezreal
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(I enjoyed getting to break out a little millennial/Gen-Z slang here lmao.)
If Ezreal has one goal in your relationship, it’s to try and make you smile as much as possible. He hates seeing you upset or frustrated about something. And he will do anything to help get the smile he adores back on your face.
So when you do come to him upset about something, his internal alarm is just going bonkers. DEFCON 1 level shit. 🚨🚨🚨
If you want comfort? Ezreal’s going to give it to you. He already loves cuddling you so you can have all the therapeutic cuddles your heart desires with him (god bless his love language of physical touch). And he’s more than happy to play with your hair or do whatever actions help you relax the most.
You wouldn’t even have to ask him, he’d already have your favorite comfort food ordered and he’d go pick it up (or have it delivered). He fully know your order by heart.
Builds the BEST pillow forts to unwind in. Truly an expert. Ezreal even decorates it a little bit with some of your favorite comfort things. And as his texts said, pick anything you want to watch. Whether that is a movie, show, gaming streamer, him gaming, it DOES. NOT. MATTER. It’s all up to you. Also if you want him to sing to you he absolutely will, no question. (Can you imagine? HEAVEN!)
He’d let you take the lead on whether or not you want to tell him what has you so upset. He knows stewing in your emotions isn’t always productive, but sometimes talking about things when they’re so fresh in your mind can make the feelings more intense. And while he’s not the go-to guy for advice, he’s an excellent listener. As long as he can play with your hands or hair or something, he’s fully tuned in, letting you get everything off your chest.
He’s such a great example of golden retriever boyfriend, and if golden retrievers are good at anything, it’s comfort and making people happy. So don’t you worry, Ez will have you smiling again in no time.
Kayn
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So when it comes to Kayn, comfort is very interesting to think about. Definitely feel like he approaches comfort differently from, say, Ezreal, but he has his own special ways of supporting you and helping you reach a better mindset.
If he can tell you’re frustrated or angry or the type of upset that requires a little bit of rage release, he’s fully on board to go to a rage room with you so you can get out everything you’re feeling in a controlled and safe environment.
And you absolutely know Kayn’s cheering you on the entire time. “FUCK yeah baby! Show that wine bottle who’s boss!” Or “That’s it, Sexy. Work has been driving you nuts right? Take it out on this shitty copier. Fuck it up!” Or *softball pitches a vase to you while you’re standing at-bat*
He’s fully supportive. And if expressing your feelings requires more of an artistic approach, that works for him too. He has a small room that has been turned into an art studio where he goes to practice his graffiti (in a way that’s legal) and he would gladly let you use it. Or he’ll let you play with his guitars if you want. (You’re one of the VERY FEW who can. You, Phel, and Yone.)
And if you just need to talk out your feelings, Kayn’s going to be there to listen, only interjecting if he has questions or if he’s commenting something supportive. “Of course you’re upset, baby. That’s bullshit and would piss me off too!”
And his love language (giving) is physical touch. So if you just want him to hold you while you cry, he can do that. And physical touch doesn’t just mean holding you. Like his hands would just be gently wandering. Nothing suggestive necessarily, but just reassuring. Like rubbing your back or your arms. Playing with your hair. Stuff like that.
It absolutely breaks Kayn’s heart to see you cry. He will do anything to keep you from crying/make you feel better when you are upset. (Again 🤫🤫🤫🤫 don’t tell anyone but he’s a huge softie for you!)
K’Sante
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As mentioned in previous headcanons K’Sante gives off the vibes of someone who is just amazing to talk to. And that absolutely applies when it comes to helping you feel better when you’re upset.
Just an absolutely incredible listener. Vent as much as you want to him. He’ll listen to every single word you say. And when I say listen, I mean fully tuned in. You have his undivided attention. (How could he give his partner any less??? He couldn’t, is the answer.)
And if you ask K’Sante for advice? He’s offering you sincere and thought out advice. He truly wants to help you, always.
Now beyond talking, he can also make a mean meal in the kitchen (even if Sett is the official best cook). So you’re going to enjoy some really excellent food. Either your favorite or one of his favorite comfort foods. And that’s never a bad thing.
You’re also receiving some prime cuddles. Have you seen K’Sante??? He loves holding you. And leaning against that broad chest while his arms wrap around you seems like a great way to feel better.
Oh and even better? He will absolutely sing for you if you ask. (Which bestie…how could you not??) His voice is so lovely too. And he will sing any song you want him to. (Though he definitely already knows your favorites that he can pull out if you don’t feel like picking anything/making decisions.)
K’Sante is just someone who would be amazing at comforting you. He’ll go the extra mile in helping you feel better and making sure you know he’s always got your back.
Sett
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Sett would be phenomenal at comforting you when you’re upset. He loves to see you smile and will do anything to help bring a smile back to your beautiful face. (Remember his love language is acts of service).
He’d make your favorite comfort food. And hell even that would go a long way in helping you. He cooks with so much love.
And the CUDDLES. Oh my god cuddles with Sett would be 😩👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻. He’s so soft with the people he loves. And he loves YOU.
He’d pull you into his lap, wrap those lovely arms around you, and let you get comfy. And only when he can hear your breathing level out and feel you relax in his arms would he ask about what has you so upset.
And as you’re talking Sett would give you the gentlest little forehead/to-of-the-head kisses and rub your back and stuff. And he’d be such an excellent listener. He’d let you unburden yourself first before talking. He’d also ask if you just want comfort or if you want his advice. He realizes sometimes we all just need someone to listen while we vent and we don’t necessarily need people to give advice. And he respects what you want.
And if you’re ever angry/frustrated-upset, he’d offer to grab his boxing training pads and let you safely hit out your anger. He knows how cathartic that can be. And if you take him up on that, he’s cheering you on the whole way. (Such a hype man.)
And after dinner, he’d give you a couple options. Bath? Massage? More cuddles? Whatever you want, you get. Sett will take care of everything.
Yone
(A/N: The amount of time I spent trying to come up with a better contact name for him…but he’s just so 🥰.)
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Yone would be EXCELLENT to turn to when you’re upset. There’s no one who understands work stress more than him (if that’s the problem), and he has all the tools to help you feel better, whatever the issue is.
One of the things Yone is best at is calming you down. Something about his vibe is just very grounding, which is super important when your emotions are running high.
He is absolutely someone who meditates regularly/uses incense and such. (He would have killed his band members by now if he didn’t.) So when you either come to him or call him and he can tell you’re upset/frustrated, I think he’d first do some breathing exercises with you to help settle you down and help you get your emotions back to a more manageable place.
If you’re with him in person, he’d light some of your favorite incense that he always has stocked for you and pull you down to sit in his lap so he can hold you. Because he knows you feel better when he does.
Once Yone can tell you’re in a much calmer state of mind, only then would he ask if you want to talk about things. And he’s truly leaving that up to you.
And once you’ve cuddled for a little bit, and finished talking if you do end up telling him, then he’ll definitely just keep you on his lap and work with you there. He knows you love watching him work on music. He’ll pass you your own set of headphones that he has plugged into a splitter, so you can hear what he’s doing. He’ll even ask for your input. (Nothing too technical unless you have a musical background, but more so “Which of these sounds better, my love?” Or “What do you think, baby? Instrumentals too busy?”) He also gives you the occasional forehead kiss while he works, and those are the BEST.
Yone just gives off such a peaceful vibe (when he’s not stressed by his band members), and that sort of energy is perfect to be around when you’re upset and you need comfort.
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed. This really helped me feel better I must say. Thank you Anon for requesting this too, and I hope I did your request justice! 💙
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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...somedays are just so much worse than others. Lately, I've been caught up in thinking, yet again, what if I'm faking everything. Well. Not that persay. More like. What if everything I think is going on is actually based on something false. And it sucks. Bc. I just start to worry that I cannot fix anything. Idk. Its just. Its nice to have an answer to things. And it'd hurt if my answer is wrong I suppose. You could show me all the evidence in the world and in the end I still won't believe it. I'll still think im wrong somehow. But at the same time I believe I'm right. How odd is that?
Ever since ive been young I've always questioned myself like that. I used to question who I am and what makes up me. And I never rly had an answer. I always just felt hollow and out of place. Even now that's all I feel.
Sometimes I can tell my thinking is heavily distorted. And honestly sometimes I question if it's ever not.
#diary#personal#its a little ramble-y i guess. idk if anyone but me can understand this. but its hard to put into words...#more and more i just feel this giant glass wall between me and everything else.#sometimes ive been thinking if anything is real. just. idk.#but even more than that i just keep doubting everything i think. maybe if i just tried harder. mayber if i was a better person...#maybe then that wouldntve happened. maybe if i just did more id be functional.#and. its just been a really hard day today. mn. really bad.#i dont rly eanna go into details tbh. but me and my dad fought again and everythings changed again and i dont like it.#mn. but in the end. the reason why im going to therapy is bc ive tried just working harder.#just. ignoring everything. and unfortunately it doesnt seem like everything is all in my head#well. i mean some of it LITTERALLY is all in my head. well i mean really the whole human experience is kinda sorta.#but. the things i get exhausted for. the things i just feel like i cant do anymore. theyre real#i guess thats a comfort at least. i may not know why i cannot function. but at least the pain i feel is real i suppose#haha. but what if thats like. just malfunctioning hardware. haha. ha.#i hate this loop. its probably like an ocd obsesive thought spiral. i do this a lot.#bc in the end this is probably one thing i cant actually prove or think my way out of.#bc i know the human experience is innately flawed. we easily could be in a simulation. and bc of that i discount nothing.#mn. its. getting sorta dissociatey or depersonalizationy now. i should stop n sleep.#im just rly sad. i was a bit too honest with mom today about dad and everything hurts now.#...somedays i rly dont wanna be alive. not bc i wanna die. just. im really really tired. its easier when things are laid out for me#when i know that if x happens i do y. and i dont like this autonomy i have sometimes. sometime i wish i didnt have it. haha.#suicidal ideation#...i dont know how the fuck i can talk to a therapist about all of this. or how useful itd even be. in the end it feels like im not me.#im. sorta scared of myself. and tired of it. i dont like the way i react. the way i am. im so scared.#i have to deliberate so long on something thatd take someone else no time. and its pitiful sometimes#trying to keep up with everything like this is exhausting.#i. sometimes i wonder what id actually be like if so many things were different. but its a useless question. bc they arent#in the end all you can do is move forward with the current you. nothing more. nothing less.#even if i dont rememebr the past or its different from what i recal. i suppose its okay. bc the now is my truth in the end.
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see sometimes I try and think about it all more logically. what if it was all happening to a friend. my friend!! you completely forgot to feed your kitten his wet food for five days? you haven't drunk water for a couple of days? you didn't shower or change your clothes for four days? you've only eaten two actual meals in the last two days? your average sleep in the last week is around five hours? my friend, you need help.
since it's me, I don't need help.
#most of it has been genuine forgetfulness/zoning out and 'oh it's 2am'#but like. last night i was lying awake hungry as anything bc all I had was dinner and not a great deal of that. if id been in a house on my#own i would've hopped up and got smth but i couldn't in case of disturbing grandma#(I have since purchased things that I will store near my bed that I can either take out of there#or leave them there for any such emergencies. if you call them emergencies. sometimes if i can't handle eating normally if i can't see what#im eating i can manage that - makes it less real somehow.)#honestly tho i am shocked by how immediately all my carefully created routines have fallen apart tbh#should i talk to my lecturer at uni who does the 12-2 class? to check she's ok with me eating in class? bc otherwise i will likely not eat#anything before dinnertime. probably skip breakfast#i don't know. i don't know anything. i love my course i love it so much and i don't know how i'll handle it#but i don't think i'd handle not doing it#idk im just so tired man#depression does a number on you frfr#okay that's it im turning on the heater finding some music and doing a lil dance. see if i feel better. maybe try a bit of hot water with#ginger or smth livening in it. i do want to try that. something to wake you up. ive been in a dead depressed limbo for five hours straight#and done nothing of use#tw ed#good news tho i find my anxiousness overall reduces the more depressed i am xD idk why lol#personal#puddleglum hours
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l-cereta · 8 months
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in a bad mood for multiple unrelated reasons :thumbsup:
#dooooooo i vent in the tags#yk what why shouldnt i#ok so. for one my executives have been dysfunctioning since monday and i think rn is the event horizon of 'oh my god if u dont work now'#and you know what ive been doing instead of working? watching a 24hr stream of armored core 6#so thats like. whatever#its the whole too depressed to do anything so you kinda vegetate which lowers ur energy even further and worsens your mood#but then a friend wanted to get my advice on like. relationship troubles hes having#and i just . was not able to connect at all. and it's like man sometimes im not even sure if i have emotions lmao#like i pride myself on Being In A Better Place Than I Was In Highschool#(like. im not considering jumping out the window every other morning)#but like. sometimes it feels like i just dont like#like other people have these rich experiences and deep loves and all this stuff and im never gonna get it#it'd be nice to be loved or be in a relationship but really like#my biggest fear is just. im in a relationship and something bad happens to my partner#and i realize i dont care#idk theres like a lot swirling in my brain#i just want to be like...#i think writing this out has actually made it worse lmao#god forbid if someones reading this please dont reach out to me abt it i do not want to talk abt it#no matter how much other people say they care abt me it never seems real anyways so like cool#god i was doing so well before going back to college and im stupid enough to actually fucking like school#i just like.#whatever#like being alive really hurts right now#i cant really put a bow on that
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britneyshakespeare · 1 year
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why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety
#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter#what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day#ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive#but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in#that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it#not my finest moment#tales from diana#i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing#for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to#but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me#to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there#as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there#and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back#to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders#i hope. i hope i hope i hope
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random thoughts don’t mind me
#just been thinking abt my name a lot lately and how i sometimes just really don’t feel like i have any real attachment to it anymore like#idk it started w me hating my full first name and my childhood nickname so i started going by kat in high school and it’s stuck which is#cool and nice and much better than the two alternatives. however the further i go into my trans journey the more im like hmmmmmm don’t think#i enjoy this name anymore either ! but i cannot think of any other alternatives so i just keep using it#i just wish my name had something more masc i could turn it into but idk anything and i can’t do my middle names either bc i fucking hate#both of those names so bad bc they’re my aunts names and she’s turned out to be a shitty shit person so i don’t want to even acknowledge em#also the like. two names ive thought of that are Close to kat are like. ehhhh bc one is literally my little cousins name so….weird. and then#the other one is the name of my ex that i met on here and she turned out to be a very not great person so idk if i want that one either#but it’s a nice lil name and i am a better person (meaning i don’t be weird and try talking to MINORS) so maybe i deserve the name more—#and also i literally can’t even think of any other names that aren’t close to my name already bc i don’t think i look like anything else#that i can come up with ????? so that’s hard. idk i’m just thinking out loud#this stuff weird bc i’ve never had to think about names for myself before bc i was always fine w my name but now it just feels like an old#version of myself i don’t match up with anymore and so im like ok well wtf do i do now!!!!!!!!!!#also if anyone reads this and has advice???? answers???? suggestions???? idk just words….??? about anything said i wouldn’t mind !!!
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jadedownthedrain · 2 years
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think one of my closest friendship has broken up... and if not broken up, i feel as though its drastically altered, kinda too early to tell but I just feel the change? I just can’t figure out if the feelings right...
#They messaged me in particular to let me know they were going awol for a while#which is totally fair they've been in a bad headspace#but part of me cant help but to wonder if the distance they needed was from me?#they had tried with me a little more lately- i dont#think they hate me or anything#if anything it might be more of a 'i rely on you a lot and need to learn to be on my own' which tbh.... i... im the same#but its still just weird. and hard.#we really talked almost everyday#pretty much everyday for over a yesr now#like some days we would easily chat for 10 hours but we also had ups and downs#which Again- thats what happens sometimes#they didnt always treat me how I like to be treated#and I would say so... but ultimately my fondness always won out#so the notion of the reltionship drastically changing is just... i dont know how to feel#ive always been averse to change- and again maybe they are just havin a break#maybe they'll come back and we'll go back to our usual#Idk yet- its only been like 5 days but yeah#kinda numb right now but i wonder if im gonna get real upset soon#its all very Unknown right now.#mostly im dwelling on them saying they'd dm me back after they woke up and that was over a day ago...#if they need space and time i dont mind i just cant help but to have a sense of dread... that it was about me#which sounds so selfish but i dont want to be a negative presence in someones life? especially someone i love#like idk idk- we had such a consistent way of speaking just makes me feel a little Was It Me All Along?#also if they are just... done I would kinda prefer the bandage be ripped if that makes sense#But also if its not that much about me and its about them I still want to be there for them /if they want me/ but im not gonna message#for a few days just in case#maybe some extra time will make things more clear#so yeah.... trove of emotions
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damn im already feeling like this and it’s not even 9 o’clock yet
#idk just. rough day#navigating big next live steps that my dad would have known and been able to help with and i still have some help but i have no one beside#me for this process just people i can go to if i have questions#and it’s just. hard. because despite everyone telling me im not alone in this process im still doing it alone and it’s so stressful#i got a comment the other day that when the person read how i mentioned my dad on a form it was so clear i’d done a lot of healing to be#able to talk about his death the way i did and i function better than i did but how much is healing and how much is stuffing down grief as#far down as it’ll go#because sometimes it still feels as raw as the day i lost him#now it’s doubled because i feel like im forgetting#today marks a year and 7 months since he died#i don’t think ive really been present much since he got sick. half the times im just going through the motions#more than half the time really#every memory of anything now feels like it could’ve not been real and just been a daydream#whether it was last year or last month or last week or yesterday#im just tired and i miss him and he was in my dream last night and i don’t remember what the dream was about but there was one moment where#we were waiting in a small room before we could go somewhere and i was sleeping and using him as a pillow leaning on his chest#i have no grandparents and one parent left and sometimes i see people my age or older with both parents and all their grandparents#and something inside of me just aches#i don’t know im just tired and stressed and wish my dad was here#vent tw#im going to bed i need to sleep this off
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iridescentis · 26 days
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losing my mind a little
#sometimes hearing other people's opinions of your fav stuff is wonderful#sometimes you want to bash your head into a wall and cry#i wish i wasn't so easily influenced by other people's opinions y'know?#like my brain just sees it and immediately says whatever i think is wrong#its so fucking annoying#im one of those people that just obsesses over one simple thing#im not a 'learn everything i possibly can about it' person#when im fixated on smth that doesn't mean i want to know everything about it#but i end up feeling like shit because most fandom people i have seen are like that#i just enjoy things that fuel my overactive imagination!#anything that provides daydreams is my favourite!#but i just can't commit to something as much#it's so weird bc irl i feel like im the one who's too much#but in fandom spaces i feel like im not enough#i don't have particularly strong opinions about anything#i feel like im too apathetic for fandoms but too invested for it to be considered a casual interest#where are my people who love writing fics and making aus but don't give a shit about canon accuracy and extended lore??#i think i just need to stop looking at the latest posts in tags#ive been on a mission to filter myself less and yet im always catching myself#double checking what everyone else thinks so i don't say anything different#i hate my dumbass brain lmao#it's like im a fish out of water everywhere#so many people ive heard suck ass at real life#but flourish on the internet#because they're surrounded with others like them#but no matter where i go i still feel wrong?#when i was younger i cared way less about appearing normal#i was fucking weird and proud of it#maybe a little too proud#but idk what the fuck happened
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yongseungkim · 2 months
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.
#think my feelings'll have to come to an end soon#but idk why im so reluctant to do so..what im still holding on to..#idk man#we are friends!! real good ones at that#and a year ago i never would have imagined!!#but ithink to me its clear from her end that it was never anything more than that for her#even if sometimes for me i hoped and hoped#cant seem to let go of that hope completely#even though im thankful in so many ways like#i cant seem to convince myself right now this is enough#im like#being mentally not ill is so hard too cuz#i want to be like 'oh ofc it makes sense shes not interested in me who would be'#and its so easy to think that#and have that be the calming thought that shuts down delusion#its so much harder for me to say shes not into u but thats okay there might be someone else in the future#what that implies i have absolutely no fucking idea#i dont wanna do dating apps yall like#everything abt it feels so unappealing#i actually genuinely wanna go down the friends to lovers route but god is it so painful.#and seeing how successful ive been in making friends thus far uhh...#finding someone else to kinda even start being attached to that isnt her in a non platonic sense is hard#like w her the feelings too are just very deep#there are casual crush moments here and there for sure i think but nothing thats quite felt like this#and it kinda sucks lol#how are you supposed to find someone#i also wanna. be okay with. not finding someone#and god for the longest time in my life i was okay with that but now im not and its so unfamiliar and idk how to reconcile it#honestly i wanna be someones go to person#but no one wants to be that for me i think so ive been trying to become that person for myself but
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itaintsafeforwork · 3 months
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when am i gonna come to my senses and stop lusting over this man who doesnt give a fuck about me
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eiinsamkeit-archive · 6 months
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27 is thinking you can have better relationships with your family & build stronger friendships.
28 is realising that neither them or anyone else truly cares about you in the ways that matter.
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sanchoyo · 11 months
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ik i said i wanted to do at least 2-3 personal solo zines this year aside from the one i already put out but im having such a hard time deciding on a topic?? 'random art zine' or 'sketchbook zine' feel too random kadhfkj. and the only thing ive been MEGA into lately have been my own ocs but making a zine with them would feel weird..also very niche lmao
#also i really dont like the idea of putting my silly oc stuff behind paywalls if im being real ajsdkf theyre goobers free to the world#if i didnt need money i wouldnt even consider any of the zines being paid zines#id just make em all free forever bc i rly do just enjoy sharing stuff like that#but alas...the horrors (being poor + severely mentally ill so i need money sometimes for things) agh...#everytime i sell stuff or make some money with comms something happens like i need to buy pet stuff (food or litter or my dogs expensive#flea pills but they NEED those bc ticks and fleas here in the summer are actually SO bad he needs the vet grade tablets to handle them)#so basically my debt isnt necessary getting too much worse which is good! but its also not..improving bc i keep havin to buy necessities#im not buying anything crazy or nyhting just absolute must haves yk..and yet#oh well at least ppl buying the clothes means ill free up a lort of space if nothing else like even if theres no actual..profit HSDKF#theres two boxes worth of clothes haha...it makes me happy to think ppl will wear them tho since im not anymore#ive been very unhappy w my own clothes augh :( i want to be happy wearing things but idk. idk. nothing i have is sparking enough joy lately#ive bene living in pjs...going to public places in pjs...#very out of character for me but god lol my brain lately#i got some more books at the libraby today when i was picking my nephew up tho :) so that made me happy#theyre all art related !! so mostly pictures + artists talking abt their techniques#all landscape related bc i wanna do more complex painted bgs this year and dip my toes into traditional art a lot more. my sister is#actually a great painter so maybe ill ask her for pointers. but then again thats kinda embarrassing so maybe not#sanchoyorambles#BASICALLY YES MORE ZINES ARE MTH I WANT TO DO BUT IDEAS. NOT WORKING RN
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#idk if yall remember anything about a ~difficult person~ i have to deal with sometimes lol#but this is the one who had the ''''house fire'''' that was nothing#and her sister was my sister's friend but her and the mom ganged up on my sister to call her a bully and stuff#thats the most prominent stuff that's happened with them that i think ive posted about#(also none of this has anything to do with my therapy appt i mentioned earlier skdjskjd)#but yeah. they're just difficult people. a difficult family. and the best way to deal with them is to ABSOLUTELY AVOID THEM#UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES#which has been working pretty fine!!! the last few months!!!!#but yesterday?????? i got a random text?????? and#(ok the whole family is difficult but its a mom and dad and two daughters who are roughly the same age as me and my sister)#so i got a text from the older daughter. the one closer to my age. the one i have to deal with personally more than any of them#and she was like hi!!! i feel like we haven't talked in forever!!!! how are you??????#and she texted me while i was at work so i forgot about it for a little bit#but i just replied and basically just said im good how are you 💀💀💀#so nothing consequential has happened yet. but im very intrigued by the random text#and i wonder if my 'good how are you' response is gonna open her up to say smth real sjdhksdn#like is she gonna be like 'oh im good except I HATE YOUR SISTER' bc that's what that family usually likes to talk about 😐#or is she gonna complain about her weird secret boyfriend that she's probably emotionally abusing??????#yeah that's a whole DIFFERENT AND INSANE story#or is she just gonna be like haha good ! anyway#and not speak to me again for a fea more months#we shall see!!!!#(what is my life 😭😭😭)#no bc everyday i just said. that's all so petty and stupid. girlie we are almost TWENTY YEARS OLD. GET OVER IT. OUR SISTERS ARD 13?????????#AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!?!?!?!?¿?¿?
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golisopod-mutual · 1 year
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uh oh not another text post from lindsey lol anyway my dad/step mom/step sisters etc had a christmas party last night that i was invited to but i had to work so i was just gonna show up late. and i didnt have a gift for the white elephant gift exchange but they waited for me to get there before doing gifts anyway even tho they could have done them in the 2 hours before i arrived (they knew I didnt have anything to put into the exchange) and one of my sisters had an extra gift that she gave me so I could have something for the exchange so I could participate. and afterwards my sisters messaged me and were like ‘oh im glad you could come!’ and ‘i loved seeing you, I always love seeing you!!’ and it made me really happy bc I don’t see them all that often so I don’t always feel all that close w them yknow. so the fact they were patient while I was at work and waited to do the gifts til I could be there and were so happy to have me there... it made me feel very welcome and like they really genuinely cared that i was around. everyone had to leave like an hour after I arrived bc it was 10 pm by then but even tho it was only an hour I had a good time and felt very loved. it was a good reminder that ppl love me and I dont just cease to exist to them as soon as im out of their sight.
#growing up i was rly close w my youngest sister [youngest of my 3 step sisters but still older than me by a few years]#but we grew apart as we got older and she seemed to be closer w our other sisters than w me so i was left feeling kind of out of place yknow#and nowadays when im around everyone i feel kind of awkward and distant just bc we dont see each other often and im so shy and introverted#theres part of me that has always kind of felt like the odd one out yknow. im the youngest girl. my interests dont really overlap w theirs.#im the quietest of the 4 girls and the most reserved. and my 3 step sisters all have the same parents#so of the 4 girls im the odd one out just by having different parents and living in a different house growing up and stuff yknow#like ive always wondered do they see me differently than each other? do my sisters have 2 groups in their heads#group 1: real sisters and group 2: step sister [aka lindsey]#like does my youngest sister favor her 2 sisters who are blood related to her over me [her step sister]#its nice to be reminded they dont think of me differently and they want me included in family stuff and to them im just another sister yknow#thyere the only sisters i have lol to me theyre just. my sisters whom i love. so i would be very hurt if they thought of me differently#bc im a step sibling and not a directly related sibling#anyway ive been making an effort to stay in touch more often. theres a family group chat i never used to read but ive been trying#to do better. bc i know if i want my relationship w that side of my family to be better i have to put forth a little effort lol#i really do love them im just so introverted and shy and idk if i have anything to talk abt that theyd care abt yknow#my oldest sister is turning 31 this year i dont really have much in common with a 31 yr old engaged ex-military nurse#but im trying#i also have always felt like the ugly one of the group which is a major bummer and i feel like they still see me as a kid sometimes#or like they think less of me bc of my mental health struggles and the fact i still live at home and only work part time#im sure they dont but im insecure abt that stuff so im terrified ppl are judging me abt it lol
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cyberm4n · 2 months
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HI I LOVED UR HYPERSEXUAL FEM READER HEADCANONS UR WRITING IS SO GOOD
Soo I'm here to request the vees (mainly vox but idc) x hypersexual Fem reader pleasee 😭🙏
if not that's okay and I hope you have a nice day/night!! feel free to delete this lol
-xoxo, Ari
THANK YOU <3333 i love the vees and ive been looking for an excuse to write them so this is perfect
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vees with hypersexul reader
going with the same scenario as last time- you've just finished a round and (char) is spent but you're already ready to go again
《— vox —》
■ he seems like a 2 rounds kinda guy so after that second round and yall are just laying there he is SPENT
■ so when you roll over to lay on his chest like "one more time?" with a little smile on your face, as if yall did not just violently fuck it takes him a moment
■ he's spent, so spent. but he really wants to please you
■ he'd get used to it tbh. like he's mentally prepared everytime now but maybe sometimes he can do a round 3
■ he'd resort to toys i think, only the best for his girl <3
■ there's also something he loves about getting to hold you and watch you writhe in pleasure and he just gets to watch
■ he'd always take your preferences into mind with toys too. like if you want smth specific he's got it for you
■ i feel like he might prefer if yall are spent at the same time so the foreplay goes CRAZY
■ like it's not just foreplay it's actual rounds of getting you to cum before the main event yk
■ or sometimes he'll just ask if it'd be okay to be done for the night when he is
■ he doesn't mind either way but he'd definitely want to communicate about it
■ so yeah it might take him a little bit to adjust bit he'd be just fine!
《— valentino —》
■ okay let's be real this man fucks A LOT so he can probably do like. 3 or 4 lengthy rounds before he's tapped out
■ it's making me giggle about it but like okay val is a kinky guy, and like especially if the first time yall do anything it's a little bit rougher he is SHOCKED when you're down for more
■ he's prly into something like overstim where normally you kinda gotta reel from it after so when he's done and it takes you like. a minute or two to be like "do you wanna do it again?" he judt looks down at you so confused
■ he takes a moment, blinking. he'd definitely ask if you're kidding or smth and then finding out you're not he has to take a moment
■ like, he finds it fucking awesome but jesus christ he's finally met hsi match
■ he might use toys on you or go down on you, depends how he's feeling tbh
■ i think he'd lean towards going down on you, idk he just seems like he'd be a bit of a munch.
■ and if you're okay with it when yall fuck in the future he's constantly just seeing how far you can go before you're spent
■ long story short he's totally chill abt it when he gets used to it and thinks it's fucking great
《— velvette —》
■ okay im literally giggling and kicking my feet while typing this
■ she seems like a 2 or 3 round kind of gal
■ idk femxfem sex doesn't really go in rounds ime but like. yk.
■ so after she's spent, she's like so ready to cuddle up and sleep. but then you're caressing her cheek, nuzzling into her neck. "again?" you murmur and she has to take a moment
■ cause like, she's just super surprised you're still ready for another.
■ she'd ask the most questions abt it. like she'd want to just know more so she can support you better
■ she'd go down on you tho! anytime! she definitely has toys but she seems like the type to be more inclined to eat you out
■ if she gets tired of that she'd use a toy on you. but she stays engaged the whole time, super attentive.
■ she's a service switch so like getting to keep you pleased like this makes her feel good and she doesn't mind at all
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■ once again, all of them would embrace it and they do not mind at all!
■ if you guys with the poly hc for the vees i think it just makes it so much better for them to know it's really hard to burn you out
■ i loved this request ty <3
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