#idk what religion i am but i'm calling it fuck so

[phantaloon]

.

[aromanticannibal]

all my childhood I told people I was atheist bc everytime I said I didn't have a religion they said oh, so ur atheist

but like really I do think theres some higher forces and stuff it's just that christianity and islam and judaism and all that jazz don't really vibe with what I think man

[brainrockets]

The Tracker phone call is bothering me A LOT. And not just the asking permission to post about her new girlfriend part. Most people agree that part was shitty. What's really burning my biscuits is the hard truths part.

Especially folks reacting like "oh that needed to be said."

And I know part of my reaction is rooted in how much I can identify with Kristen and her situation.

And I also know that Tracker is also really young so like yanno she's not a bad person even of she's being shitty rn.

With ADHD a lot of times people who are perhaps well meaning (x.x) will do this thing where they explain to you the situation you are in in excruciating detail like you are unaware. And I think that they think that this is going to help. It does not help.

Tracker was there for Freshman and Sophmore Year. So she's aware that Kristen does not have very many people in her corner. In fact the only person she had to help, with religion in particular, WAS TRACKER. And Tracker LEFT! Which she is fully entitled to do! But who was meant to fill that gap of support?

Also, not for nothing but she's also had the benefits of:

An established religion

Executive function

An entire summer of darkness to build her goddess' brand since she wasn't the one saving the world

I definitely took issue with the whole "now that we are broken up I'll tell you the hard stuff". Like bish what? Why didn't you tell her these things you think are important when you could also comfort fuck about it after? Instead of piling on while she's already NOT OKAY!?

Kristen is well aware that she's not okay. She knows shit is fucked up. Tracker is just giving her more ammo for her self loathing. If Tracker wants to tell her how fucked she is without offering anything to help her get unfucked then she should just not do that. None of this needed to happen. They aren't dating.

Things that Tracker could have done to help:

Offered to do a social media collab between the two SISTER GODDESSES while the night was unending

Minded her own business

Remembered how hard she took it when her goddess turned out to be a bitch

Waited to call

When Kristen was like I'm not okay, ending the conversation

Idk. I wasn't expecting to be ready to fight everyone in the parking lot about this whole thing but I am just so heated about it.

Anyways shout out to all my executive dysfunction babes who know they need help to get their lives unfucked but all folks seem to do is remind them shit is fucked.

[golbrocklovely]

cultish love // colby brock

A/N: first off, so sorry for this being so late, i had a lot of things i had to edit about this fic. also this is my longest fic ever ! like the other fic before this, this is a AU version of colby… where he, you guessed it, is a cult leader. and he is also corrupt (but like aren't all cult leaders). again this deals with some possible heavy themes, so give a good read of the trigger warnings before reading ahead. i've always joked about colby being able to lead a cult, and that's basically where this idea came from. this fic also took a turn i wasn't expecting, but i like it anyway. also the first half is written as a journal entry (all italized) and then the rest is an actual fic (not italized). lmk what you think, and happy haunting !

prompt: you're a journalist, and your next big story is on the 'empathic love' cult, led by none other than colby brock. this cult is not known well, but you are getting a first hand look at them and what they do. and quickly, colby takes a liking to you. || fem!reader x AU!cult leader!colby brock

trigger warning: SMUT, no actual sex but you do get mentally fucked (it will make sense in the story), cult vibes all around, love bombing, cursing, supernatural powers, colby is very intense and kinda scary but also still his charming self, slight dubcon similar in vain to sam's story - you never say no outright, but you do have general feelings of 'wtf is this, idk if i like' so if that's too much for you, feel free to read something else :), colby's aura is crazy good at giving you visions, strangers-to-soulmates?? don't know if that's a tag lol, also…. colby's technically bisexual in this????? but like barely

word count: 8610

I've been a reporter for only five years, and this story.... it could make or break my career. Cults aren't as prevalent as they once were way back when. They still exist, just in the shadows. A lot quieter on most fronts. Usually disguised as a business or religion, for tax reasons of course. But this cult, Empathic Love, is unlike any cult I've heard of.

Of course, they don't call themselves a cult, but that's what they are. How else would you describe a bunch of randos following one man around wherever he goes?

They only started so many years ago, right before I graduated university. The main founder, Colby Brock, is a pragmatic individual, according to his followers. The cult began blowing up in my town a little over two years ago, and now people flock from all over the world to visit the Love Compound. You would think it's Disney World the way people grow excited about it.

But I am here to get to the truth of this cult. What is their motive? What are they planning to do? Will this be another Waco or Heaven's Gate? What sinister beliefs hide underneath the modern-day hippie aesthetic they show?

These notes will document everything I experience for the next couple of days. And in case I go missing, these are my proof of who's to blame.

I don't think it will go that far, but you can never be too sure.

~~~~

Day 1 - Investigation

I'm still incredibly surprised I was allowed to come onto the Love Compound. The leader himself apparently reached out to my boss and told them that they wanted someone to come down and interview the group. They allow visitors from time to time, "new recruits" as some of the townspeople call them, but reporters have never been allowed in. Not once. Until me.

Driving up to the compound was nerve-wracking. I never imagined I would be nervous; I've interviewed plenty of criminals in my years, have done full blown investigations into scary, horrifying crimes. But something about this place freaked me out. Partially because I didn't know what I was getting into. But another part of me, and I will never admit this out loud, felt... at home.

The only promise I made to myself was I wouldn’t drink any kool-aid while there. So, I plan to stick to that. Pretend my previous statement never existed.

I was greeted by a beautiful woman when I got there: Avery. No one went by last names. And some apparently changed their names altogether, which was not surprising. My guess is there were most likely criminals hanging out amongst the group. But I had no proof of that, just a hunch. It easily could be a safe haven for those wanting to escape whatever life they had before.

The compound was three Victorian style mansions connected to each other and had a decent size farm attached - about 222 acres. Avery told me about all of the vegetables and chickens they farmed. Everything was organic and used up as often as possible. Anything that couldn't be eaten or produced too much for the only 100ish people in the compound, was sold at the farmer's market or given away to the local food bank. Avery explained to me very clearly that everyone in the compound chipped in one way or another. Some still worked normal jobs, but just lived here with everyone. But she noted that Colby hoped in the near future no one would have to work at all and they would be self-sufficient in a couple years.

A cult with future plans? Almost unheard of.

I told Avery that I was given an all-access pass to ask anything I wanted to, and nothing I asked could be ignored or deflected. She agreed to an interview. I recorded all of it, but here are the highlights of what I gathered.

I asked her why Colby was such a secretive man. There were very few photos of him that did exist out there, but all that was rumored about him was his alluring eyes and generally attractive presence. She agreed that he was handsome, describing his as having "ocean blue eyes" and his voice was to die for. "Deep and arousing", as she explained.

I noted that she seemed almost lost in thought at the idea of him, like she was envisioning him directly in front of her. Strange behavior; but not for a cult follower. Many end up falling in love with their leader, believing they have a genuine relationship with said person.

I bought up the name of the group, Empathic Love, and said it felt a little too inviting. She laughed and told me that it was right on the money - the best way to describe why everyone was there. She expressed to me that so many of Colby's followers wanted peace and love and light, and that being in this group felt like that. It was rewarding to be surrounded by those that cared and wanted to see each other succeed. Life outside the walls of the compound was rough, scary, draining; but inside, it was all love.

Call me cynical, but I don't believe that for a second. It took all the strength I had to keep from rolling my eyes at her. But I could tell from her voice, her motions... she was telling the truth. Well, her truth.

I wanted to know what brought her here, so she spoke of her previous life. She was abused growing up, moved around a lot in foster care. She was almost homeless, and then one day she ran into Colby. He had just begun the Empathic Love group, and she just knew she had to stick with him. Her life immediately turned around the moment he was in her life. The adoration in her eyes told me a different story, so I pressed her - "are you and Colby... together?" She smiled and said no, but she knew that they were life partners before, just not currently.

Oh... so it's one of those types of cults.

She said that Colby doesn't have a second in command, wife, girlfriend, whatever. Everyone is equal and heard. He's just the face of the group, which is a bit ironic given even I have no clue what he looks like. I knew he was young, in his mid-20s. But other than that, no idea.

I needed to know, why stay? What keeps you here? A dreamy look came over her, like she had said this a million times before: "Colby. He is love, and that's all anyone could ask for."

Chills ran up my spine at the tone of her voice. It was dull, and her words sounded like a mantra, the way she said them so easily.

I wrapped up my interview with her, quiring if I was allowed to interview others. She said yes and began sending over random people one-by-one to me.

If I hadn't gotten chills from her first, I would have from everyone else. Something about seeing everyone saying similar things, smiling happily, like the ship isn't sinking around them was eerie. It made my stomach churn when I would ask questions I already asked Avery, and get almost the same speech back.

I interviewed about 15 people. All variety of ages and genders. I suddenly realized that there were no children around, and everyone was over the age of 21.

Consenting adults… minus the supposed brainwashing.

A couple of the interviewees stuck out to me:

Penelope, 25. Her upbringing was similar to Avery's, but she still kept in contact with her family. Apparently, she wasn't the only one like that either. Many still kept in touch and even visited their loved ones. I asked her to describe Colby, tell me anything about him. She giggled, almost like a schoolgirl, and began to weave such a story about him. He was kind and caring. His smile was contagious, just like his laugh. And his singing voice was fantastic. She talked about him like he was a boy band member, and she was his biggest fan. I asked her to give one word to describe him, and she said "Love. He is love, and that's all anyone could ask for."

Greg, 36. He had fallen into rough times, and desired a fresh start. He had heard about this group online, and figured checking them out while he was in town wouldn't hurt. And that was a couple years ago. I wondered why he didn't feel weird listening to someone that was younger than him, and he shrugged. It was nice not having eyes on him. He loved being in a wallflower, and he believed that Colby deserved all the love he got from everyone in the group. Every ounce he got was ten-folded back into the group. Greg had never felt so connected to a group of people and he knew it was all thanks to Colby. "He brought love into my life like I never have had it before. Because that's who he is: love."

Heather, 29. She mentioned how for most of her life she felt like shit. Her confidence was at an all-time low when she met Colby. He encouraged her to keep at it, to love herself and find happiness everywhere. And by spending more and more time with him, she did. She has never felt more confident about herself, her life, her direction, and Colby is the reason for that. The tone that took over her voice when she bought him up was odd. It was very similar to a partner describing the love of their life, almost like wedding vows. I asked her haphazardly about her love life, how that was going for her. And she told me she had been on many dates - something she never used to do back when she was younger or before Colby. But she did note that regardless of who she ends up with, she knows that a part of her heart will always belong to Colby. They were connected, forever. "Love and light and happiness is what I desired, and I got it - all because Colby exists in my life now."

It felt like I was getting nowhere with some of these interviews. Many said the same thing, Colby being love and light and blah blah blah. I wanted someone that wasn't gonna just quote to me whatever mantra he made them learn. And luck was on my side, because I was able to interview their newest member, Ash. They were 23, and very beautiful. There was an almost smugness about them, like they knew they were the shiny new toy on the block. The confidence only a young 20-something year old could have.

I asked them, point blank, about Colby. Be brutally honest. They told me he was hot, and that's what drew them to him. They liked the idea of living in a group setting, especially since they grew up with many brothers and sisters. They liked helping out, and they liked knowing that Colby was keeping an eye on them the most recently. I then followed up with how long it took for them to join the group. "Three days. That's how long it takes for everyone."

I questioned them about the "Colby is love" thing, and they agreed it was a bit strange, but they couldn't help but feel the same way as everyone else. They were like a moth to a flame when it came to him. Everything about him was hypnotizing, entrancing. It was like staring at the sun; even though you knew to look away, you just couldn't help it.

Then I had to know: were they sleeping with him? Most of these cults feed off of the leader fucking every person they wanted to and leaving other members high and dry. But for some reason, it felt as if Colby was sleeping with everyone with the way they all talked about him. Ash dissented, saying no one was sleeping with him. He didn't sleep with any of his followers. But they all shared a deep, sensual mental connection with him. They felt like, sometimes, he was in their soul. And that sensation alone was euphoric, bordering on orgasmic. They also knew that in another life, they would have been together, similar to what Avery said.

It was then I knew that this group was clinically insane, or just really infatuated by what Colby was selling. It had to have been some crazy brainwashing. But it was odd; people were allowed to leave, to see loved ones, to have lives outside of the compound walls. Hell, some had dating lives that included those not here! That's unheard of, and completely stupid on Colby's part if he wants to keep things going.

A cult leader that wanted to watch his world implode.... I had to meet him. I had to meet the myth that was Colby Brock. And tomorrow I get my chance to.

~~~~

Day 2 - Interview with Colby

I feel the need to explain that these are my notes, not really meant for anyone else to see. And really, the only reason anyone would be seeing this is if I disappear or got murdered.

So, I say all of that just so I know, for myself, that this is a safe space for me to express my truest emotions and thoughts after interviewing Colby.

And all I can say, honestly, is that... I get it. I understand it now.

I felt my nerves hit their break last night before going to sleep, unable to stop my mind reeling from what was to come. I ended up bringing along a bodyguard, or really a photographer. I had known Trey since I started working as a journalist, and I knew I could rely on him to get us out of the Empathic Love compound if anything went south. I wasn't sure what I was up against when I went to interview Colby, but God... I didn't think I was so underprepared.

I met him in his office, Avery walked me over to it. It was up in the attic of the third house. It overlooked the entire property with wide windows. For an attic, I expected it to feel dark and dusty, but surprisingly it was light and airy. Almost like being out in the woods and taking a deep breath.

Colby was sitting in his main office chair. He spun around to see us, a light smile on his face. I'll be honest - I was taken aback by his beauty. I understood Ash's whole spiel about him being attractive and looking at him was like looking at the sun. It was intense. He was intense. His blue eyes bore into me, almost like they could see through me. I felt chills, but they weren't of fear. It was out of... excitement, of awe.

He greeted me, giving me a warm handshake. I hate to admit that I almost blushed at the sound of him saying my name. I had to take a couple deep breaths before starting. Avery left the room, and Trey sat outside the door, in case of backup.

I recorded our interview, knowing that I couldn't keep track of everything he said. But listening back to it now, his voice.... it's like a song. A beautiful, spellbinding song. I could almost fall asleep to it....

I asked him about his life, and how he came to be a leader for a group like Empathic Love. He spoke of his upbringing lightly, barely scraping the surface. He talked about growing up pretty normally, having a loving family, a great friend group, and then one day realizing that he could make a change in the world. That many people loved him and loved being around him. And that's when he knew that if he could make their lives better, he would. So, he started Empathic Love. Originally, it was just gonna be a safehouse for those that needed it. But then more and more people joined and suddenly, it grew into what it was today.

I asked where his family was now. "In Kansas," he told me. He said nothing further than that.

He humbly spoke of all the love he received from his followers, or his "friends" as he put it. They all cared about him in a way that he only wished he could return tenfold. I questioned him about the whole "Colby is love" thing. "How come everyone says almost the exact same thing, like they've been brainwashed into saying it?" He didn't even trip over his words as he spoke matter-of-factly to me. "I didn't come up with that phrase, they did. You would have to ask them. I take it as the highest form of a compliment, truly. I'll be honest, it's a bit embarrassing at times when they call me that, but I can't help what they do. I appreciate their love, nonetheless."

I continued asking him about different topics, until finally reaching the one I was most intrigued about. "How many of your followers - excuse me - friends, have you slept with?" He smirked, smirked, at me and said "None. Did any of them tell you that we slept together?"

"No, but the way they talk about you like the sun shines out of your ass does seem a bit odd, don't you think?"

He looked unphased. God, he had an answer for everything. "I'll be honest with you, some of my friends might be in love with me. But I make it abundantly clear that while I love them, and love their love, I don't have feelings for them. I'm still looking for the one."

I remember holding back a glare, "So, you're celibate?"

"Now, I never said that." He let out a chuckle, then his eyes darkened. "Why do you care so much about my sex life? Unless of course, you want to join it."

I tried ignoring his gaze and his words but stuttered through my next question. “Then who exactly is the right one for you, if it's not one of your followers or friends?”

It took him a while to answer, he even closed his eyes for a bit. He sat up once he knew, sauntering over to his window that overlooked it all. "I imagine the one for me is someone that will bring peace to me and my life. Someone that for all my faults, can see who I am truly deep down. She will love me, and I will worship her. I will show her what true love feels like. Our souls will be one, because they always have been."

Something strange came over me. I don't know why I said it, but I uttered, "What about looks?"

Who cares about looks! Why did I ask about looks? I was a serious journalist, not a reporter for Star Magazine!

He looked over his shoulder at me, "Looks aren't that important to me. What matters is mind and soul. Who you are deep down. But if I had to pick… someone like you. I feel someone like you would be a perfect fit around here."

I wanted to give him the sassiest voice and rebuttal I could muster, but deep down I was shaking. Energy raced through my body, like I had been electrified.

He kept his back to me, staring out the window. “I'm not trying to be overly complimentary. I'm just being honest. But I can tell that you would do so well to have us around. To have... me, in your life. I bring a lot of love to people's lives, that's for sure. But I also bring a lot of drive, and passion, and intimacy.”

Intimacy?

“People open up when I'm around. They tell me everything, even things they never dreamt of telling another person. And I allow it, because clearly, they needed to express it. And once they do, it's like the floodgates open. Love and light just start pouring into them, into their life, and it's overwhelming - but so worth it. Doesn't that sound nice?”

I guess so...

“I bring happiness to so many. My friends have told me that they get jittery around me, I'm like a shot of adrenaline. And that energy, that power, courses through them. And when it gets expressed, it comes out in…” He took a long pause, turning back to me. The look in his eyes… I can remember it as if he was still in front of me. “Pleasurable ways.”

I hate admitting this, and it's embarrassing to say it even now, but I felt a jolt of... something, run through me. I won't even say what it was out loud, in fear of never being taken seriously again. But what happened after that, I don't know if words can even express it well.

Colby continued talking, but I couldn't pick up on any of it. He was talking up a storm, but I couldn't help the sensations I was feeling. Even in my wildest of fantasies, I've never felt anything in reality. It was all in my mind. But in that very moment, it felt like it was happening to me.

I felt lips tread up my neck, stopping just below my ear. A hot, low moan breathed into my ear. My spine tingled at the sound, my hands gripping the armrests of the chair. If I didn't know any better, I would think Colby was behind me, making those noises. My hands suddenly felt hands on top of them. My eyes widened, looking down, but nothing was there. I couldn't really move my arms once the invisible hands were there. My whole body felt numb and heavy, relaxed. My mind was the one on edge, worried as to why I was feeling all of this.

I hadn't eaten or drank anything at the compound. Maybe it was being poured into the room by the vents? I don't know, but something was making me feel this way.

The invisible hands drifted up my arms, massaging my shoulders for a moment. My head lulled back, almost hitting the back of the chair. My mind was on high alert, but my body was about ready to fall asleep. The hands relaxed me so much that my eyes began to flutter.

But then... they drifted down my torso. They traced along my neck gently, drawing small, insignificant patterns. The hands grew lower and lower until they finally were on my chest. I felt the hands cup my breasts softly, my breath hitching in my throat. They kneaded my tits gingerly, my nipples hardening in my bra. I bit my lip, praying that I wouldn't make a sound. It was hard not to, especially when the delicate fingers of these invisible hands found my nipples, gently pinching them.

I remember closing my eyes tight. Trying to clear my mind. This wasn't actually happening to me. There was no way. This was a psychosis or a drug hallucination that was happening to me and Colby was doing nothing about it.

One hand drifted down my body, stopping right above my sex. I suddenly became very aware at how wet I was, my eyes widening. I felt a rush of blood flow through my cheeks. I was about to get caught. These invisible hands made me wet, and I couldn't stop them.

And the terrible thing was, I didn't want them to. I wanted them to finish the job. To get me off... in front of Colby. One hand rose back up my body, grabbing my neck and turning my face to look up at him.

A deep voice whispered harshly, "You want him, don't you?"

I didn't say anything, afraid of what would come out. But deep down, I knew.

"Say it, and it's yours. Say you want him. And he'll have you... forever."

I opened my mouth. I felt the words almost leave my lips. I stuttered out something. I closed my eyes, my body feeling high.

And then in a split second, it was all gone. The room grew quiet, and Colby cleared his throat. "Y/N, are you okay? You look flush."

I jolted out of my seat, being able to move freely again. I looked around and realized Colby was sitting once more, staring at me concerned. I finished the interview abruptly, saying I had everything I needed - even though I definitely didn't. And then he uttered words I wish I didn't hear.

"If you want, come back tomorrow. We are having a celebration here. I would love if you came by, even if for an hour."

I nodded, not even really taking in what he said, and left. Trey was confused as to why I bum-rushed out of the room, but I never told him the truth. How could I?

I knew deep down I shouldn't have said yes to go to the party. But getting that footage would be killer for my article. Interviews are great, but a party at a cult compound? That's bound to end terribly (for Colby, but great for me).

But something in me can't shake this feeling that I basically signed myself up for the end. End of what? I'm not sure. But I'll find out tomorrow.

~~~~~~

Stepping back onto the compound made my heart race. I was nervous as all hell, and just wanted this day to be over with already. Today was my last day doing this story. I was counting the minutes to when I could go back to my office and write about how this place was insane, or whatever narrative I planned to write.

I had enough proof that something was up here. All I needed to do was a bit more digging. And during the party is when I planned to do it.

Avery walked up to me, smiling brightly. "Hey, Y/N! How are you doing today?"

"I'm okay. I know it's a bit early, but Colby never specified when the party was going to take place." I replied.

"No, you're totally fine. The party is gonna happen later. Right now, though, we have something going on that you'll definitely want to see." She clapped excitedly.

"Oh? And what is that?" I questioned.

"We are inducting a new member!" she exclaimed giddily. "There's a whole process that we do, and everyone is involved. I imagine that will bode well for your article if you see it firsthand. It's all taking place in that tent."

I stared over at the huge tent, its plastic cover doors strangely inviting.

I hummed, "Sure, I'll be there in a moment."

Avery nodded, turning on her heels and prancing over to the tent, following in other members.

"What's happening in there?" Trey asked.

"Apparently they are inducting someone new into their cult." I informed him.

He blinked. "Group, you mean."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, whatever. Make sure to capture as much as you can."

He shook his camera, giving me a wink, "On it."

We both walked in, many members still up and around, giving everyone hugs and chatting. Avery waved me down, patting the seat next to her. I walked over and sat. My body tingled in anticipation. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. My breathing picked up as everyone grew silent, the doors opening. Colby walked in, and people rushed to their seats.

Colby called out, "Hello everyone, good morning."

"Good morning, Colby." Everyone said in unison.

Jesus, that was creepy.

"A lot of things are going to be different today. First, we have guests watching our festivities. Y/N and Trey. Everyone, give them a hand." He gestured to the two of us.

The tent exploded in applause, Avery evening rubbing my back sweetly. It felt like I was being congratulated on something I didn't achieve, my cheeks flushing at the acknowledgement.

"And secondly, sadly, the new member we were going to have decided not to stay." He frowned, his face dropping.

Members gasped, some audible "oh no" echoed around the tent. Colby nodded his head sympathetically. “I know, but fret not. I think this will be a learning experiment for our new guests. We can still do our traditional motions of having someone join us. But, imagine it as if it's a mock ceremony instead. Ms. Y/N, would you please step up here?”

My heart stopped when he looked into my eyes, the first time since yesterday. I glanced at Avery, who grinned enthusiastically. She pushed me out of my seat, my body following her lead. I gazed around, finding Trey, who pulled away from his camera with a concerned look. I stumbled up the walkway, stepping on stage with Colby.

Colby lowered his voice so I could only hear him, moving away from the microphone. "I know you wanted to know about how we induct someone into our little home, so I figured why not use you as an example? We aren't actually inducting you, in case you’re worried. This is just what would happen if you were joining. Are you okay with that?"

I gazed around the huge, white tent, making eye contact with many people in the audience. They all looked so eager, waiting to hear my response. Some were even shaking with excitement.

I stuttered, feeling Colby squeeze my hands to bring my attention back to him, "I-I guess so."

"Fantastic." He turned, still holding one of my hands, "Alright everyone, you know the drill."

The crowd cheered, suddenly many lining up to a microphone at the side of the stage. Colby lightly pulled me to a cushioned throne, sitting me down. "So here's what's going to happen. People are going to come up to that microphone, and they are going to give you plenty of love. Genuine love. And then the next person will go, and so on until everyone has spoken."

"Everyone here? Like, all hundred plus of you?" I whispered.

"Yes. It's gonna be a while, so get cozy." He laughed, rubbing my shoulders.

Time felt frozen as slowly everyone came up and said something nice about me. Some were quick, mostly just commenting on how nicely I dressed or how the stories I had covered in the past were interesting and thoughtful. But others, it's like they could see into my soul and point out the exact thing I was insecure about. Everyone was complimentary and it was nice, but exhausting.

The line had dwindled down, and the next person to speak was Avery.

She stepped up the microphone, giving me a huge smile. "Hi, Y/N. I know we don't know each other that well, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. These couple days of getting to know you, being interviewed by you, have just been the highlight of my life. You are such a lovely presence to be around, and you deserve all the success you've gotten these last couple years."

Lots of people in the crowd nodded, agreeing with Avery. She continued, taking a deep breath, "I wanted to add - you are so deserving of love. You are easy to love too, and I hope that you are surrounded by people that make you feel that way. I know that this is just a mock ceremony, but I truly believe you would be such a great addition to us. I know you don't trust us, but I hope that soon you will find that you have a safe place here. Even if you never come back here again. This is your home now, and forever will be."

My chest heaved suddenly, tears welling up in my eyes. What the fuck is happening right now? Why was I crying at what she said? Sure, it was sweet and kind, but... how did she know I needed to hear that?

I turned my head, wiping the tears before anyone could see them fall. The crowd clapped as Avery left, going back to her seat.

The last couple people were a blur, my mind still hanging onto Avery's words. Suddenly, a hand was placed on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts. I gazed up, seeing Colby's beautiful face staring down at me.

"The ceremony is done. Now, time to party."

~~~~~~

It had been a couple hours since the ceremony, my body feeling almost numb but jittery all at the same time. It was hard to shake all the love and words that were thrown my way today. Sure, some were probably just lying and saying random things because they had to, because they were conditioned to. But it freaked me out how some just... hit the right spots, knew my insecurities.

The party itself was fine. Two of the houses had parties happening in them, and since all three houses were connected, you could leave one and walk into another. There was a dancefloor full of people, and multiple fully stocked bars. Tons of food was at each table. It honestly looked like an adult prom. But I wasn't in a partying mood. Trey, on the other hand, was enjoying himself immensely. Girls and guys surrounded him, laughing at his jokes and bringing him plates of food and wine. One girl kept rubbing his thigh, staring at him longingly.

I wanted to leave. I had had enough of today, and I just wanted to be as far away from Empathic Love as I could be. I decided fresh air was what I needed, so I got up and slid out the back door of one of the houses, taking a deep breath. There were still too many people around, but I noticed the last house, the one with Colby's office in it, had no lights on and no one around it. I walked through the yards, stopping once I was by the back porch of the third house.

I sighed, leaning back against a railing. I could still hear the party going on, almost getting louder now that I wasn't there. I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed.

“Hey, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here." Colby's voice broke through my thoughts.

I exhaled. “Hi, Colby.”

He cocked his head, “Are you doing okay? You seem... upset.”

I felt this sudden rush of anger, knowing in reality he was to blame for all of this. “No, I'm not doing alright. I want to go home, I'm extremely overwhelmed by this party and all the people around here. That ceremony was too much for me to deal with, and the only way for me to get out of here is Trey and he's getting rubbed down by your followers!”

He took a step back, putting his hands up defensively. “Woah, that was a lot. You must have needed that release.”

I glared, “You think?”

“Look, I get it. It's a lot to take in. I myself don't love going to all these parties. It can be really overwhelming and if I'm honest, it gives me a lot of anxiety,” he admitted casually.

“You get anxiety?” I scoffed, “How? Everyone here loves you.”

“I know. That's the stressful part!” He sat on the railing, turning to me. “I'm the leader of this family. I have to make all the right decisions, and sometimes that means upsetting some of the people closest to me. Not to mention, so many eyes are on me, and it's just all too much sometimes. Even if you think this group is a cult, I still care for everyone here. I make sure they are fed, have a job, and have a life outside of here. And that's a lot to take on.”

“How do you deal with all of it, then?” I questioned.

“Patience. And a lot of alone time when I can get it - through meditation, specifically,” he laughed. “I was actually going to go meditate before I found you. Would you like to join me?”

I shook my head. “No, I'm good.”

“Are you sure? Look, at the very least, it will get you away from the party and all the noise. You don't even have to join me, you can just... sit in the room with me while I do it.” He argued, shrugging his shoulders.

I gazed at the party, everyone had grew rowdier while we were talking, and I didn't even notice. But my head felt like it was spinning from the noise alone. I sighed, nodding my head. Colby smiled, opening the door to the house, and I walked in first. I followed him up to his office, sitting down on his couch as he sat in the center of the room on the floor.

I raised an eyebrow. “That's where you meditate?”

“Yeah, I know it's a bit silly. But I feel so much more grounded... on the ground.” He replied cheekily.

I snickered, sitting back and watching him. He crossed his legs, resting his palms on his knees. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He took multiple breaths until they were low and shallow. I furrowed my brow, my eyes never leaving his form.

It almost seemed like he was asleep, or in a hypnosis of some sort. He was completely still and silent. A dull glow appeared at the top of his head, growing brighter and larger. I leaned away from him, my eyes widening at the sight. What the fuck is that...?

An aura grew around him, surrounding him completely. He didn't move, unfazed by it. His eyes remained closed, and with each breath it grew.

"How... are you doing that?" I uttered, my mouth a gape.

"Doing what?" He spoke in a monotone voice.

"That... aura. How are you doing that?" I pressed.

“I've always been able to do it since I was young. You can get closer if you want to.” He suggested.

How did he know I was still far away?

I stepped off the couch, moving closer to him. I kept my distance, but the aura was almost pulling me in. It was beautiful, the light reflecting and growing bigger. I was almost engulfed by it, but it stopped right before getting to me. I could feel its warmth, its energy. It was calling to me, beckoning me to step towards it.

The aura wrapped around me, filling me with light and love. Or at least that's what it felt like. I gasped at the sensation, my legs shaking underneath me. I breathed in deeply, my lungs filling up with fresh air. I didn't feel like I was in the room anymore. I felt like I was flying, the world almost zooming around me.

“Let your body relax, Y/N. I know it's so much to take in.” Colby’s calming voice spoke.

I felt my body give out on me, falling onto the soft rug. I laid down on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Visions began to swirl in my mind and around me.

How is any of this happening?

He answered, reading my mind. “Because of me. Because of us. Because of the connection you and I share.”

My body felt very heavy, unable to move even if I wanted to. I could move my eyes, and out of the corner of them, I saw Colby stand up. The aura remained around us, almost engulfing the entire room.

“You know, I knew the moment you stepped foot on to the compound's grounds, you were going to like it here. You were going to stay.” He smiled sincerely, gazing down at my body.

I blinked, confused. “What? I-I don't plan to-“

He cut me off, “This is the final step, Y/N. Everyone gave you love, people celebrated you, and now... I'm allowing you in.”

I wanted to shake my head, but couldn’t. “But I don't want to join.”

He chuckled, “Yes you do. If you didn't want it, none of this would have worked on you. You wouldn't be seeing what is directly in front of your eyes.”

The visions morphed around me, suddenly showing Colby and I. But we weren't us, we were different people, at a different point in time. But I could feel it was us. We were in love, growing a family together. Our lives were beautiful.

What the fuck is this?

“That is our past, or present, or future,” he winked. “The thing is, Y/N, I never seek out anyone. They all seem to find me.”

“That's not true, you emailed my boss about being interviewed.” I remarked.

"Oh, you are so forgetful, Y/N. You emailed us, begging to interview me and anyone else that said yes. I only agreed because I knew you wanted to meet with me. You sounded very eager to join in your email." Colby pulled out a piece of paper, reading from it happily, "Dear whoever reads this, I'm hoping to score an interview with your group, Empathic Love, for an article I am writing. I would love to meet Colby, and really pick apart his brain on why he created said group. Maybe I could even join if you guys win me over. Please let me know if any of this sounds of interest to you. Sincerely, Y/N of Global Gazette."

He leaned down, staring into my eyes mischievously, "Now does that sound like someone that didn't want to be here?"

My heart raced, suddenly scared. “Why don't I remember writing that?”

“I couldn't tell you. All I know is you wanted to be here. And there's a reason for it.” He sat down on the ground next to me. I wanted to get up and run, but my body stayed still, heavy. “Growing up, I realized very early on that certain people just... gravitated to me. A lot of women, yes. But really it was anyone. And not only did they gravitate towards me, they became obsessed with me. At first, I was confused, uninterested in ever going through that. Who wants someone obsessed with them? But then I realized how much good I could do with so many people rallying behind me.”

He continued, “As I got older, my ability, or power, or whatever it is - grew twice as strong. Suddenly, all the people around me followed me, did anything and everything I could ask for. Then, I began getting visions, and I understood why this was the case. Everyone here: we had a past life together. Their souls and mine have always been connected. They find me and then continue to stay. And almost always, they fall in love with me. It's just so glorious.”

“You're insane.” I mumbled.

He hummed, “Interesting, especially since you’re seeing the same things I am.”

It was true. The whole time he spoke, I saw vision after vision of our past lives together. We were always destined to meet, destined to be with one another.

“But the thing is, I know you're different from all the rest. You and I, we are meant to be together forever. You are meant to love me forever, and I am meant to love you. That's why my abilities affect you so greatly.” Colby divulged.

“What if I say no? What if I want to leave?” I grunted, trying to shake free.

“You've had the ability to go all this time. You just don't want to. You know how much love I can give you. You know how much pleasure I can give you as well.” He bit his lip, his eyes snaking up and down my body, “You've known that since yesterday, haven't you?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks, memories of yesterday played in my head.

“And do you know what’s crazy about that? That's not even half the pleasure I can give you.” Colby kneeled next to me, a devilish smile on his lips. His hand lightly brushed my face, cupping my warm cheek sweetly.

A burst of arousal raced through me, my body spasming in ecstasy. “Oh my God!”

“I know, it's a lot to take in. But I just want to make you feel good, darling. You deserve it.” He leaned in slowly, “You are mine, after all.”

"This is what your followers meant by a deep and sensual mental connection," I groaned, feeling hands all over my body, touching me in the most lustful of ways. "You got inside their heads and mentally fucked them."

“...That's one way of wording it. But if they didn't trust me, if they didn't already want me, it wouldn't happen.” He winced playfully, “So in reality, it's your fault.”

“Fuck you.” I growled.

“But baby, that's what's happening,” Colby laughed darkly. “Those hands, those kisses and bites... that's all mine. I can tell you're losing it. You want me real bad, but you don't want to admit it. I get it, you’re overwhelmed.”

I felt like my body was getting electrocuted with pleasure. My hips grinded into the air, needing some form of relief. My nipples strained against my bra, wanting any form of touch. I closed my eyes tightly, embarrassment rolling through me as I felt my damp panties against my sex.

Fuck, he was right. I did want this, and him.

I didn't even need to say it out loud. Suddenly I felt a cock slid inside of me, too easily from how wet I had become. I ripped my eyes open, looking around. Colby was watching me from his chair, smirking.

He palmed his hardening dick through his jeans. “Imagine how much better it would be if I was actually inside of you, filling you up with every. fucking. inch.”

I thought about screaming Trey’s name. Maybe he could help me.

He grimaced, rolling his eyes. “He won’t do anything for you, sweetheart. He joined our group just a couple weeks ago. Right around the time you sent the email. So really, you have all the more reason to join us.”

“Even if I join this cult, I will never stay here. I will leave here and never come back.” I hissed.

“And that is your choice to make. But Y/N,” his gaze lowered at me, his eyes intense. “You will never be satisfied. You got barely a taste of what I can offer you, and you're gonna want it forever. Just like everyone else here.”

“You're a- fuuuuuucckk!” I moaned, the cock inside of me hitting my spot deeper. I caught my breath, glaring at him. “Y-You're a freak.”

“Says the girl almost coming to my invisible dick.” He spat, clenching his jaw.

I bit my lip, annoyed at how right he was. The hands exploring my body gripped my ass, slapping it lustfully.

“Okay, okay. I'll agree with you. I am a bit of a freak of nature. But let's not act like I'm some monster. I let people leave. But they always come back because they choose to. I can't force people that far. Pinky promise,” He stuck his pinky out, and I rolled my eyes defiantly. He huffed, “It's not like this place is Scientology, for Christ's sake. We are love. I am love.”

“You are the most tainted form of love that I've ever met.” I retorted, gripping the rug to hide my building arousal.

He deadpanned, “Ow. That hurt.”

Colby strutted over to me, laying down right beside me. The pleasure grew more intense, my hips bucking desperately. His one hand hovered over me, never touching me. It didn't matter, because having him this close felt like his whole body was on top of mine, fucking me hastily.

“If you allow yourself to enjoy this feeling, you might actually come. Because I won't force you to. I'll just keep you here, for hours, riving in pleasure until your brain melts into goo.” He smirked, “How's that sound?”

"I-I hate you." I gritted my teeth. Why did I feel like I was lying?

"No you don't. But soon you'll be able to admit the truth." He leaned his mouth in close, his voice low and sincere, "I know that this place might not be what you imagined your home to be like, but it is. You will always have a place here. You will always be loved here. And I know that's what you want deep down. To be loved unconditionally. To have every fiber of your being satisfied. And if you let me, I will do that. I will please you every night, however you want me to. But for me to do that, you have to let me in. You have to let love in."

The cock inside of me pounded faster and faster. I could barely think anymore. The only thing on my mind... was him. The lives we had together, the life we could be having. I knew I shouldn't want it, but I did. I wanted him in my life, forever. He was what was missing, and I couldn't live one more day without him.

I mewled loudly, my hips thrusting up erotically. Colby's hand cupped my face gently, turning my head to look him in the eyes.

His alluring eyes stared deep into mine, his jaw clenched. "You will always be mine. I am love, and that is all you could ask for."

"You are love, and that's all I could ask for." I repeated mindlessly, grabbing onto his arm desperately.

His face softened, “That's right baby. You're such a good girl for me. My good girl, forever. You want that, don't you?”

“Yessss, please Colby. I want to be yours forever.” I keened.

"You will be. I promise, you will always be mine." His eyes darkened, the pupils almost completely blown out. "You will never leave."

"I won't!" I trembled, my orgasm building closer and closer to the edge.

“You wanna come, Y/N? Get close for me. Don't I feel so good inside of you? You like when I do this?” Colby's hand snaked down my body, rubbing my clit sensually.

I begged wantonly, dying to come. "Pleaseeeeee! Please let me come! I need it! I need you."

"Of course you do, baby. You and I need each other. Our connection is unlike anyone else's. Tell me the truth and I'll let you come." He leaned in close, his lips brushing against my ear, "Tell me, baby. Say it..."

"I love you," I cried out, right on the edge. I direly wanted him to say it back, knowing it was already the truth.

“I love you too, baby,” he smiled sweetly, kissing my cheek. “Now, come for me.”

Hot, white pleasure shot through my body. I had the strongest orgasm of my life, my mind shattering as I rode every wave of pleasure that went through me. Colby stayed by my side, shushing me as my high lowered down more and more. He kept whispering 'I love you' repeatedly, my mind unable to hear or think anything else after a while.

I blacked out at some point but awoke when my body was lifted off the floor and placed softly into a bed. “Wha... happenin?” I slurred.

“Relax, darling. I just brought you to my bed. Well, our bed now,” he chuckled. “I want you to get your rest because tomorrow is a big day for you.”

“What's tomorrow?” I murmured.

“Your introduction to everyone as my soulmate.” Colby informed happily, tucking me in. “Everyone will be so pleased that you changed your mind about joining us.”

I nodded my head, snuggling deep into his bed. He dimmed the lights, whispering softly, "Welcome home, Y/N."

[beanghostprincess]

Trans buggy is my lifeblood and I am SO HAPPY YOU LOVE HER TOO and I'm feral I'm shaking the bars of my cage FUCK I LOVE WOMEN

Like. Yes. Absolutely, Shanks and Buggy have little bits and pieces of ALL their parents, specifically Ray and Roger but No Adult Was Safe From Their Assimilated Found Family, Alright?

Shanks does this one movement when he's showing off and being SILLY about it that he picked up from Oden. Buggy uses chopsticks more easily than forks and spoons, which is mind boggling to those who know her and how clutzy she is.

Crocus was the KING of unexpected and frankly terrifying threats, something Buggy learned like a damned religion. Shanks got his penchant for Gay Uncle On Holiday clothes and patterns from him.

A lot of Shanks' attacks and swordplay was taught to him by Roger and Rayleigh, so his style is a mix of their own with a TWIST that's all him. Buggy wasn't as interested in swordsmanship, but she certainly isn't a novice at it. The forms and katas to her are meditative, and she can't really sit still for normal meditation ((AuDHD Buggy my beloved)) so THIS is her way of grounding. Her knife fighting is also derived from Ray's style, with quick, devasting blow that focus more on backlash damage, Haki and agility.

Buggy and Shanks both have Roger's grin, and when Rayleigh sees them, grown and side by side and beaming and greeting him so warmly, part of him breaks and heals and splinters and oozes love. He of course will not show weakness and instead teases them, as is his love language.

Also consider Cross Guild adopting the Seraphims. Stuff's normal at first until they give the kids some children's books. Cue "what is a dad? What is a mom?" questions. The adults answer them, and the kids simply nod before wandering off again.

Then, a few hours later, Buggy feels a tiny hand tug-tug at her pants. It's two little dark haired tykes, big saffron and violet eyes staring up at her. She blinks. "What's up, munchkins?"

"Mother, we want a snack and fathers are busy."

"Oh. Yeah, sure thing, sweeties, let me ju- WAITWHAT-?!"

Shanks is frothing, seething, crying in the window like a Victorian woman betrayed when he gets word that Buggy and the other two have "sons". He then proposes they have a baby too, to be fair.

Then the kids call him uncle or father twice removed and he is suddenly living his best life wdym he's gonna be the BEST uncle ever, hey kids wanna go harass people-?

Buggy is BEYOND flustered but she's also.... really flattered? Shanks wants a baby? With HER?? Like a real, whole ass baby. Wow. And she already has two sons! Maybe. Her little Birdie seems a tad unphased by the concept of gender anyway, so she won't push. She has two kids. And Shanks wants a third. Wow. Wow~ ♡

And then Crocodile has to go and ruin it by suggesting the kids stay with "auntie Al" for the weekend, while the guys see if they can get that baby idea rolling~

Buggy proceeds to blush so hard she's STEAMING and promptly faints.

I FUCKING LOVE WOMEN TOO!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMING THIS EVERYWHERE I GO!!!!!!!!!

Both of them having traits of all their parents and role models and keeping them with them forever,, When Rayleigh sees them again he's so fond of their little gestures and :(( He loves them so so much.

Also, the whole thing about Cross Guild adopting the Seraphims is just so so cute. And them calling Buggy 'mom'??????? Crying and sobbing, idk. Cute family that is not dysfunctional but pretty much not normal my beloved.

Honestly, Buggy as a mom just feels so right. But especially as an adoptive mom, you know? She just keeps seeing outcasts and understanding them so well and wanting to take care of them. Tbh, Shanks and Buggy should just,, Find a kid in a treasure chest and keep the baby.

[readingwiththestars]

₊˚⊹♡ IF ONLY I HAD TOLD HER

["whatever our souls are made of hers and mine are the same"]

| ✮ 3.5 stars |

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers for ihhbwm + some spoliers for ioihth]

ok so lemme tell you i had the BIGGEST reading slump ever just as i started to read this. so this review may be a little choppy at some points because i've just pointblank forgotten some parts and don't wanna go back and re-read finny's pov just yet.

i was so on the fence about reading this because on one hand i really wanted to read finny's pov and on the other, complete and utter heartbreak.... yeah....... so anyway i read it.

when i tell you that this book had me ugly crying in the middle of the night. like seriously finny's pov?? fucking broke me. are you kidding me? the way he speaks about autumn? ugh when am i gonna find a guy like finny fr? but seriously this book had me on a rollercoaster of emotions just from the heartbreak knowing whats already gonna happen to finny as he describes how happy he is and how he can't believe autumn loves him back, to the smile i had on my face reading about 'the moms' bickering over baby stuff for autumn.

i will say this now i did expect a little more (hence the rating). i wanted idk more closure at the end there. idk rlly know how to describe it better since its 10 o'clock at night and ive had zero sleep for the past four nights in a row. but yeah i wanted something more. (bitch u wanted finny to be alive)

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

finny -

*sobbing noises* i could go on a damn rant abt this boy. holy shit. he's just perfect. if i see one person ONE PERSON coming after him istg- he was such a caring sweet person like the pencil??? and always going to the sketchy gas station (i nearly called it a servo then lmao) to get the candy autumn likes?? and always making sure people were safe when he drives?? *cough* apparently not you though sylvie *cough* just ahhh laura when i get you. cause like why'd you have to make him get out of the car, hmmm? lets just compromise and you give me an alternate universe where finny misses the puddle or better yet where sylvie kept her damn seatbelt on.

jack -

tbh i wasn't all that excited to read about jack. (also to be fair i was still sobbing from finny's pov so that probably didn't help) like i seriously just thought it'd be some jock trying to process finny's death by hooking up with alexis (who by the way can go jump up her own ass and die) but we got the whole other side of him where he was genuinely affected by finny's death and really was his best friend. but the way he didn't like autumn way just- yeah. also i saw him and sylvie coming from a mile away like seriously it wasn't very subtle.

autumn -

*sobbing noises increase* autumn my baby girl. i just wanted to jump through the pages and give her a hug. seriously i feel robbed that we didn't get to see a happy autumn. angie and her's friend ship was so precious tho. and i love love LOVE that they bonded over being moms/soon-to-be-moms. im also just gonna say the way we didn't see an ounce of jamie or sasha this entire book made me so happy! i also lowkey wanted to see more of when she was an actual mom? like what would she name the baby? i wanted to see domestic autumn a little more. but i still love her so much and it was so lovely to see her heal <3

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers]

"my love for her is the closest thing i have to religion. but it's okay that she doesn't feel the same. i'm fine. i can handle it" - finny

"my devotion to autumn is engraved on my very being. i am in awe of her. i will sit in the stands and cheer her on in life as her most ardent admirer. i know i'll always love her in the same way i know i'll always need oxygen" - finny

"it's all done. finn's story is over. his whole life. that was it. not even nineteen years, and he'll never, ever do anything else ever again. finn won't go off to college or celebrate his birthday. he won't get another hair cut or get the oiled changed in his car. he won't bite a hangnail on his thumb or buy another CD. finn smith has done everything he will ever do. he won't get to be with autumn." - jack

“this baby isn't what's left over from our love story. this baby is our story's continuation.” - autumn

"if only i'd told her that i loved her years ago, i wouldn't be here now." - finny

all in all laura you can pay for my therapy mkay?

[silawastaken]

I love seeing people compare music to their favourite characters and go like 'oh yeah this verse might be this character... and then this one is the other one... and then this little bit here is them both honestly. Or something like that' because I HAVE gone through every taylor swift song on evermore and folklore and compared it to skk. Sorry to be autistic on the writing account, but this is a fanfic writing account and I'm writing my second novel length fic about them so what did you expect.

folklore/evermore are very canon skk, and verge into fanon and some songs are the reason for very specific head canons, or some of the ways I write the way they perceive each other. 1989... DON'T GET ME STARTED OMFG HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO BLANK SPACE? I THINK IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT HAVE AND OMG IT'S SO SKK CODED LIKE WTF. I HAVE VERY FIRM OPINIONS ABOUT WHICH LYRICS ARE THEIRS. Also the vault tracks literally exist what more do you want from me. 'i think about jumping off of very tall somethings just to see you come running and say the one thing I've been wanting' okay dazai pack it up you did that already, beast exists. 'i call my mom sister she said that it was for the best remind myself the more i gave you'd want me less' yeah yeah chuuya we know he left you get over it, it wasn't personal(think that line could go for either of them but the other line 'the way you faded till i left' feels more Dazai personally). Plus suburban legends. For personal reasons I struggle to listen to song without SPIRALING FUCK YOU THAT ONE PERSON SEHDHSSJNS but very skk as well 'we were born to be national treasures' is very soulmates of them. And out of the woods screams them in fanfic when they try to get better. Red, straight away all too well. They both remember it all too well. All too well skk cover with switching vocals anyone? The last time. The one with gary lightbody. Underrated song, is my favourite on that album, and SO THEM. 'this is the last time you tell me ive got it wrong, this is the last time i wont hurt you anymore' because they're fated to be together and are constantly drawn to each other and yet keep HURTING EACH OTHER RAGH. also 'we are never getting back together' is pretty funny and nice when applied to them. also state of grace. any taylor song with a mild drop of religious imagery is them cause yeah. but 'i never saw you coming, and I'll never be the same'... okay pack it up, we don't have time for your yearning. 'you were never a saint' (dazai abt chuuya) 'and i loved in shades of wrong' (bc hes toxic and doesnt know how to healthily like people) 'we learned to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts' (bc they continue anyway and stick it out, living with the pain of being bad for each other because of how deeply they care). I almost do. Dazai after leaving. moving on to more religion, holy ground. 'for the first time i had something to lose' 'and i guess we fell apart in the usual way, and the storys got dust on every page' AAAAAA IT'S THEM. Can't really speak on debut- but I've listened to our song and picture to burn and if picture to burn isn't a vengeful chuuya idk what is. BOY OH BOY SPEAK NOW.

excuse me. one moment.

Mine- literally a skk au

Sparks fly- 'the way you move is like a rainstorm and im a house full of cards, you're the kind of reckless that should send me running' that entire verse screams dazai's fascination with corrupted chuuya, and the whole song is well yeah

back to december- dazai when they reunite just trust me on it just trust me on it. the repetition was intentional, that's how serious i am. 'i go back to december all the time' 'I got back to december to make it all right'

speak now- might just be me but it really makes me think of teen skk in fanfic harbouring urges to ruin the others relationship for 'some reason. I don't know, seeing him with her just... irks me'.

the story of us- first verse is chuuya, second verse is dazai, and the third is them both because they're LOSERS and they LOVE EACH OTHER and FUCK I'm CRYING NOW. 'id tell you i miss you but i don't know how' EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BASTARD.

enchanted- self explanatory. for more context, i really think it's from dazai's pov in this case, could probably be both, but dazai fell first and harder so it's really like god he's been in love ever since he got kicked into that wall he wants him around forever. He held Chuuya's hand in the fight with rimbaud and then had all those close moments in the manga and went home to lie on his bed kicking his feet and giggling don't lie. (god im still crying this isn't helping)

better than revenge- they're both pretty vengeful idk it makes me think of iwsynttr for some reason

haunted- chuuya pov. 'i thought i had you figured out, something's gone terribly wrong' 'stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had' they're so sad, but the general idea of chuuya thinking he has figured out dazai and knowing how he thinks and then dazai just leaves suddenly and he's like 'Wow! I thought i knew you. How do i forget this'. 'wont finish what you started' bringing chuuya into the mafia then leaving it.

last kiss- 'you told me you love me so why did you go away' chuuya pov again oh god it hurts why am i doing this to myself? 'never imagined we'd end like this, your name, forever the name on my lips' yep yep ow.

LONG LIVE.- LISTEN. TO. THE. SONG. AND TELL ME IT'S NOT DAZAI AND CHUUYA. I COULD DO A WHOLE ANALYSIS ON JUST THIS SONG. 'promise me this, that you'll stand by me forever, but if god forbid fate should step in, and force us into a goodbye...please tell them my name, tell them how the crowds went wild, tell them how i hope they shine, long live the walls we crashed through, i had the time of my life with you' FUCK IT'S DAZAI AN HE'S IN LOVE WITH CHUUYA AND DOESNT KNOW ODAS GONNA DIE YET, JUST THINKS HE DOESNT GET TO KEEP ANYTHING HE WANTS. FUUUUUCK. THEY'RE IN LOVE AND DAZAI WANTS IT REMEMBERED PLEASE I'M SO SAD.

anyway, i can't pretend I'm normal about skk anymore i haven't even covered fearless, reputation, lover or midnights please somebody encourage me to actually write full things dedicated to each album and the most fitting songs from said albums please i'll do it and plus i need to actually gather proof for my autism diagnosis appointment so this would be a good way to to that probably. anyway yeah this'll never make it out my drafts lol

[lucidfairies]

hi 🫡

. yes that is me embarrassing the shit outta myself (I actually sent that to a handful of girls)

i. for those of you who may not know, i'm maya. i'm 18, i'm typically a masculine presenting lesbian and I happen to be a she/her. I also am unfortunately asexual

• everyone meat riding rn about why I read and write so much smut as an asexual, I would love for you to know that I'm fighting a losing battle with hypersexuality! that is all I will be sharing on that matter thank you. •

ii. I'm proficient at finding people's instas whether they wanna be found or not!! if this relates to you, you may want to hmu.

iii. um I'm single if that wasn't clear from the kicker.

iv. I have severe Audhd and I have OCD but I don't really count that because you can't really tell it's there. I'm a POTS and scoliosis survivor

(can u tell idk what the hell I'm doing)

v. I will drop my socials if you so want them but I would prefer u DM me cuz I don't need my public insta in tumblr comments tbh (I have insta, tiktok, discord, snap, so on so forth)

vi. I'm still in high school LMAOOO pls I'm not less than eighteen guys don't worry but I aspire to be in the military but I'm taking a gap year

vii. I've been writing since like third grade but over quarantine my parents kinda banished me to our basement and I was doing a lot of things I shouldn't have been doing but now I'm sorta good at writing !!

viii. fics are kinda a side gig, I do write real shit here and there but there's genuinely no point so idk why I do it

ix. I'm what people like to call a whore except I don't fuck around I just talk to like nine people at once (hop off my dick rn)

x. I'm hilariously funny if you ever wanna strike up a conversation

xi. I'm down for ANY conversations. you wanna talk about what kinks some random bitch has based on their appearance? let's talk about it. wanna tell me about the sex you had last night? I'll go get a snack. I don't get triggered by really anything so if u need an outlet, I'm right here bb

xii. I actually have a massive gyatt

xiii. I can curl a lot of lbs and um I can bench some too and I guess do leg stuff (gym girlies rise)

xiv. I'm Jewish but not like Jewish my fam just is, I am probably one of the furthest things from religion and I don't hugely support organized religion (my fav way to describe it is being Jew-ish)

xv. I am a leftist through and through (pro choice, pro science, pro gays, Black lives matter, stop Asian hate, in case you needed clarification on that one) and I avoid knowingly being friends with Republicans at all costs

xvi. I am pro Palestine, nothing anyone will say or do could change my stance on that one.

xvii. I have a cat + dog

xviii. I don't get cold like ever cuz I ski in like 10° weather all winter

xix. I have Duolingo and if u wanna beef it out w a quest then I am definitely down for that because I will beat you (I'm learning Hawaiian and Hebrew)

xx. I'm fluent in German and speak it at home w the fam and I know some Spanish + French

xxi. juice boxes > anything

xxii. some more pics of me will follow whenever I stfu

xxiii. I stand at a whopping six feet tall but I swear I have short person energy

xxv. in my personal opinion I have huge dick energy but you're welcome to put me in my place (I'm a switch and I'll cook for you)

xxiv. if your snap score is more that 300k we can't be friends I'm sorry (mine is 100k suck my c o c k)

xxvi. best position is doggy but I can be persuaded into something different

xxvii. CUNT

xxviii. uhhhh I'm from the East Coast of America so l operate in EST time

anyway it was nice getting to talk about myself for a long time 🫡 feel free to make numerous comments about my life in the comments

anyway y'all here are some for faceless pics that are guaranteed to make u cream (see, hilarious)

sayonara sistas

[wiispywitch]

My Boundaries🖤

Hi, my loves! I mostly am making this for myself to link to my pinned oost and add a little bit more so I don't have to edit my pinned post constantly; I'm not so great at setting boundaries so I'm gonna try to work on changing that for my mental health^^ {psst this also isn't meant to come off as a call out post to anyone, I hope it doesn't come off as that I'm sorry I'm an ✨overthinker✨}~

♡ Minors, DO NOT follow/interact with this account! I make zero exceptions to this boundary as I am really not comfortable with minors following my content regardless of what I reblog or the fandoms I'm in, because I also dont really have filter. I'm sorry to be harsh, but I'm an adult and I don't want to filter what I post about on my blog. Plus I really hate it when minors try to purposely interact in adult spaces {seriously do not do this shit, you're putting yourself and others in danger}. Ignoring this boundary will warrant an immediate permanent block.

♡ Fanart is more than welcomed, no need to ask permission! I will treat that like the goddamn Mona Lisa and appreciate the fuck out of it. All I ask is to not feel obligated to do so and to please tag me🩷 I'll ask if I can post your art to my ToyHouse with credit {you have every right to decline if you're uncomfortable, I won't be upset and will respect your decision!} Lastly all I ask is please safe for work only and not sexualize my characters^^

♡ You can take heavy inspiration or heavily reference my art and my OCs for your own, however please don't outright repost my art or fics especially without permission. I would rather be asked first if you want to repost one of my drawings but please don't automatically assume I'll say yes otherwise I will ask the post to be removed. For commissions, you don't have to ask permission to repost, you can post to whatever platform you'd like!

♡ Don't remove/edit my signature and Ko-Fi watermark from my commissions please

♡ I don't roleplay and would prefer my OCs not be used in roleplay. I'm sorry!

♡ No shipping discourse of any kind. I don't care what you ship as long as it's legal, but I'm not here to engage with any discourse revolving around pairings of fictional characters. This account is not a safe space for people who support minor x adult ships, incest/stepcest, bestiality, or glorifying SA.

♡ Please don't ship my OCs with other characters besides the one they're paired with or other OCs {I only do this with my partner's characters}

♡ Idk if this is a problem on Tumblr but I cannot stress this enough please please please do not add me into random group chats especially without asking me first, I will just end up leaving without saying anything. I'm sorry to be rude, I have major social anxiety and the last time this happened was not a good experience that I don't want to relive.

♡ I'm okay with nicknames with mutuals except for babe/baby/anything that sounds flirty {I'm married and it makes me uncomfy 🫥}

♡Just because I simp for certain characters who are villains doesn't me I agree with their actions {Eren, Shiggy, sweeties, I'm looking at you two}. Truthfully, I love villains, I like fucked up and morally questionable characters, I think I can fix them {no I can't}, however I have limits yes but sometimes the crazies are where it's at~

♡ I do write about certain heavy topics as a means to cope with trauma I personally endured {ex. I write about alcohol abuse and the toll it can take on others}. This does not mean I condone what is in my writing, it's just telling a story that will be properly tagged.

♡ I have zero tolerance for hate against anyone's sexuality, race, body type, gender, or religion. This account is a safe space for LGBTQ+ and is run by a demi-lesbian pagan witch🩷 {This account is NOT a safe space for MAPs/predators or zoophiles}

♡ No MA//GA supporters. That's it, no further explanation, begone🤺

♡ If I cross any your boundaries, please tell me and I will fix that immediately!

~

That's about it! I'll add more and edit later when it needs some adjusting^^ Thank you for taking the time to read!

[callsignbaphomet]

@apothecaryforwearysouls

Lmao I don't even know where to start. So Oracle is a paramilitary PMC that has ZERO ties to any government, country or anything really. Like there are no ties.

Oracle has several goals but the biggest one is making sure humans don't obliterate non-humans and vice versa. Aside from that this world, setting, whatever you wanna call it deals with anything and everything paranormal.

Look, my dumbass 14-year-old ass was watching a James Bond movie one day and I thought, "Huh, what if this shit had werewolves in it?" and so Oracle was made. Actually, it was made later during the summer of 2000 'cause my mom's ex had promised we'd have a fun family summer of traveling the island and doing so many fun things. I bought a journal to document it all. Midsummer rolled around and we did nothing and my journal was blank so I took that previous idea and fucking RAN TO THE HILLS WITH IT. 23 years later we have this massive as fuck all world in my brain that I bother everyone with.

Anyway, Oracle started with 3 men. A werewolf, a vampire and a human during the height of the Akkadian empire! The werewolf is actually the man that is now known as Aleksey Malakhov aka Angelus's grandfather aka Jelani's father-in-law/mentor.

He had a different name back then I just forgot and I don't feel like looking through my hundreds of notes and files to find it.

By the way, Aleksey is Sumerian. He's been around for a while now. In fact he was one of the very first werewolves. All 4 of the first werewolves are Sumerian and yes, they are still alive today in 2023. How? Werewolves are VERY long lived but not that long. It's part of the original curse. The first of every breed inherets the curse and has to live with it forever.

Spoiler alert. With Angelus being the FIRST and frankly the only Crossedbreed he is also cursed. He can't die. He just hasn't realized that but Aleksey knows it and doesn't feel like telling his grandson will help in anyway. Is that a bad thing? Probably but he's doing it out of love. Angelus had been suicidal for decades and had attempted suicide so many times he lost count after 200 times. He's doing far better now a days though.

We don't have just werewolves here in Oracle. There are werewolves, vampires, fairies, monsters--shorter list is what we don't have: aliens. Idk it's not my thing. If you wanna say there ARE aliens in Oracle then who am I to say there aren't any.

As I kept expanding Oracle I wanted to add people from different cultures, backgrounds, ethnicities, believes, religions, faiths. We have EVERYTHING here. When I say I have a metric shit ton of OCs I mean it with my entire chest. I want to represent everyone. Easier said than done 'cause I wanna be accurate and respectful and a lot of times that means doing a lot of research and sometimes it gets tedious. I'm just one man behind all of this fantastical nonsense.

Yeah, I mostly talk about Loke, Jelani, Trevor and Angelus because those are my comfort characters and I know them better than I know my own damn self. Not gonna sit here and lie, Jelani's at the forefront for any and all Oracle things. Everywhere I am online I use him as a pfp. He's the mascot if that makes sense. I am extremely proud of this character and I love him so much. He's to Oracle what Pikachu is to Pokemon. Idk if that makes sense.

Oracle doesn't just focus solely on the PMC. There are so many things that make up this setting. There's groups of humans that hate and fear anything that isn't human and want to kill them all off. The most infamous being the Council of the Knights which admittedly has been a thorn on Oracle's side for a few centuries now. We have problematic vampire covens who think of non-vampires as cattle and make shit difficult for others. We have a death cult led by a very unstable woman who created a virus that destabilized actual fucking deities into destroying shit with the help of a deity (actually it's a Concept but that's too complicated for now). There's also deities themselves that every so often wanna start shit. Because of that we have people like the Nyota tribe from Kenya who have dedicated their entire lives to keeping a rogue and exiled Maker imprisoned so They don't start Their stupid nonsense again.

What the fuck is a Maker? There is a hierarchy when it comes to deities.

Iirc it's demigods, gods, and finally Makers. Makers are the gods of the gods. Those are like actual creators, they make the rules and shit but they also break 'em. They're complicated. There is NOTHING above a Maker...except for the Concepts. The best way I can explain a Concept is that they are ideas and the very first Concept is the Concept of Existence. There's the Concept of Evil, Concept of Concequense, Concept of Good, Concept of Nothingness and many more. CoE and CoN are opposing ideas that have been at each other's throats since always.

Concepts intervene in life but they don't at the same time. They also only exclusively communicate with Makers. Only Makers. Jelani has an...interesting role with CoE and some other Makers and by extension with CoN. I can explain that in another post cuz it's a lot and complicated.

So as for what kind of creatures Oracle has? Like I said I wanna add any and all cultures so there's everything to pick and choose from. I've even invented a few. Are there cryptids? Yes! In this setting things like the Mothman, Bigfoot, Nessie, Jersey Devil and just basically all cryptids are just creatures from other planes/realms whatever you wanna call them. Some people use planes others use realms some others use other words. How the fuck did they get from one to ours? Easy. Portals. Portals are unstable and quite frankly scary natural phenomena that happens randomly all over the world. Sometimes creatures and animals get caught in them and get trapped in other realms. Sometimes it's a building, sometimes an entire town gets trapped.

Is there magic? Yes, there is!

Can anyone use/learn magic? Yes! We don't do that stupid "chosen one, only a select few can use or learn magic" bullshit here. Magic is an ability that anyone can learn to use.

Are there rules? Yes!.....I just gotta find that stupid file where I have it and I'll post it if anyone wants to know more about it.

Oracle deals with things of magical natures too as well as portals and planes. There are actual black sites where, and I use this word loosely, "stable" portals lead to other planes that need to be checked every so often. Not many Oracle agents have access to this kind of op by the way. It's really need to know level type shit.

So back to the founding of Oracle. These 3 men, these sell swords got together and went into business together and were like unstoppable. As time went on 3 became 6 then 6 became 9 and then we get to 2023 with Oracle still very much alive and kicking with thousands of agents all over the world with 6 branches spread across the world and 2 training facilities.

If Oracle is 100% independent from any government then how does it pay it's agents and employees?

Aleksey has invested very wisely, owns parts of companies, owns whole ass major companies that generate a bitch ton of money. All of these are made up by me obviously. Part of the profits from those hundreds of companies go into the pockets of agents, assets, and Familiars. It pays for weapons, gear, vehicles, gadgets, ammo, facilities, housing--EVERYTHING!

Look I don't know how realistic that is I'm horrible at math and economics so just go with it.

Wtf is a Familiar?

A Familiar is a person (non-human or human) that indirectly works for Oracle. They give information, keep an eye on certain groups, areas, phenomena and the like. Familiars can be approached by Oracle to join as agents IF they so choose.

There are certain rules that apply to certain characters, places, ideas, creatures and stuff but for the most part I like living things open to enterpretation and flexible.

I think C said it best. Oracle can be described as "weird espionage with a cosmic horror twist". It's got a tiny teeny alternate history to it too.

I hope that covers like the basics of Oracle. If you wanna know something else about the setting as a whole or specifically about Loke in this setting just ask.

[abyssalpriest]

God. Talking to Lev about the religion we're in the process of making together... He's been treating it as a pet project for only the two of us bc it makes me anxious, ie he's hiding what it truly is and I only know that it's hidden and not what is hidden, but slowly hes introducing the idea of it being an actual established thing with more than just us in it (not necessarily big, just that us two was already intimidating in size when it started so even three people feels Established to me), and I just asked him like. OK. You know. I already know Im coming here and incarnating from the future for A Personal Job, is this a part of it? Do the waters of our time mention or talk about this or does it die with me? I'm not getting into what was said because future shit is the one thing I don't want to discuss anything about online, and also I. kinda. shut down him answering bc I don't want to think about it rn

Suddenly though I'm like... A switch is flicking in my head from "I was a part of the pop culture pagan section of my ex's cult, he was having me expand his cult by creating a 'new religion' based on BB secretly connected to it" to "hold on, why did my ex, who knows who I am and when and where I'm from, start trying to get me to create a new religion with him that's eerily similar to the one Leviathans insisting on creating with me?" i already new my ex has been trying to twist fate and time and reorder his downwards spiral and steal shit for his own and so this is a little...... Uh...

Bc like. I keep getting this overwhelming relief and clarity throughout my entire working w Lev - even way before this was ever a broached subject - these past three years of "ohhh THIS was what I was supposed to be doing, THIS is who I was supposed to be doing things with, THIS is the real god of oceans and dreams and the dark shadowy aspects of life and (etc), my ex was just fully playing up all these aspects to fulfill a role" i never.... Stopped to ask why my ex did that.

Why was he having me fashion a religion based on what I'd later come to find was Leviathans attributes, energies, symbols, etc ?? Because my soul already loved him, he didn't need to pretend to be Lev bc I knew lev and not him or something. He could've picked a mask based on anything - he even specifically picked cut content micolash and not even in game micolash because the mask he chose didn't fit micolash's aesthetics and energies so it's not even a "oh well I just happened to be drawn to micolash bc micolash is like Leviathan, so he had to go with it" they. are not alike. he literally had to change his fictional mask to be like Leviathan. He had to warp the character so hard and just count on cut content mic having no fucking content so that he could be as much like Lev as possible. Yes, they are indeed very similar, but like also no they're not. Anyway. and then he spent five years bringing me into this spirituality only to start building a religion with me -

- oh my god. I always brush past "yeah in the months before we broke up was when he started getting me to write stuff on the religion, our religion (called Oceanic Spirituality. bruh) really only started being made just before shit hit the fan and idk what he was trying to get me to do" but like. I. Wasn't supposed to be making it with him. was I.

[dracotheocracy]

CONGRATULATIONS DIPSHIT! YOU HAVE WON ONE FREE PASS TO TALK ABOUT A BLORBO FOR BEING MY FRIEND!

oh yeah let me just pause that ska cover of no children. engage's release reawakened (<- intentional wording) an old demon you are in for a treat

once upon a time in 2018 or 2017 idk time is fake i played a game called fire emblem awakening and my brain chemistry was altered forever. i got particularly attached to the avatar protagonist (read: character you're supposed to project onto despite being a more or less fully realized character) who's some person named robin. yes, i have had category 7 adhd moments about two characters named robin and you can make the argument that it happened back to back. sue me etc

fun fact i did the math, i've watched every single support conversation with robin in it multiple times. there's 43 characters in awakening according to my notes and because robin is an avatar they get a support chain (4 conversations but we're calling it 3 because i never watched most of the S supports) with every character in the game. across two genders and assuming that i included spotpass characters which i in all likelihood actually didn't, that's 252 conversations that each take 1 or 2 minutes to get through, or about 4 hours of content for one session of watching every single robin support.

point is i know a lot about the character and am so normal. so so normal i promise

now i can tell when i've taken a couple facets of a canon character and sprinted off into the sunset with them. absolutely, without question, i did that here. so robin's story potential in a setting where awakening could be better written contributes a normal amount to why i like the character so much. i'm just gonna talk about why

in short, the deal with robin fire emblem is that they woke up in a field with no memories and as it turns out that's probably for the best because they're the child of the high priest of the religion centered around reviving the BBEG, and also they carry the blood of the BBEG in them and can get possessed by it. and the BBEG wants to bring about the apocalypse also important note. in the original awakening timeline robin befriends chrom (mortal enemy by blood) and later betrays and murders him before being possessed by grima BBEG and bringing about the end of the world. it's also worth noting that chrom and robin have chemistry they're not just a popular ship because they're both major characters i really love chrobin and i do also fluctuate between reading robin as aro/ace and bi because like, look. maybe i'm projecting a little but disregarding the S supports because they have to write the C-B-A supports as almost entirely nonromantic due to how awakening's matchmaking mechanics function they really do strike me as married to the grind in a way that's pretty aro of them tbh

there's a part of my brain that sincerely believes they would not have gone the amnesia route if robin wasn't meant to be an avatar protagonist (they're a deuteragonist until act 3 but who's keeping track really (me. i am)), and if they had not gone the amnesia route awakening would have been a lot cooler, because the mortal enemies by blood thing would've been on the table way before halfway through act 2. it's a very good source of emotional conflict for both robin and chrom though i imagine chrom wouldn't really discover this information until the middle part of act 2 or potentially act 3. there's a lot of different ways to write robin in this scenario that are SO COOL AND INTERESTING also like on the one hand robin could be completely on board with the infiltrate the shepherds and kill chrom before ascending to satanhood bit but gradually become genuine friends with a lot of the shepherds and realize "oh what if... what if this is all really fucked up actually and i don't want to bring about the end of the world" there is so much potential in that, alternatively robin starts already wanting out of everything the grimleal stand for and has to grapple with knowing their time with the shepherds is not built to last, or at least thinking that, because you know they're the child of the high priest of a cult that is extremely influential in their home country, they would've grown up entrenched in certain rhetoric about the state of the world and their place in it. if robin's character arc was about cult indoctrination and escaping that it would FUCKING BANG! IT WOULD GO HARD AS HELL! and you don't have to ditch the wider story theme about defying destiny and how people are made strong by their relationships even a little bit to pursue that because adding that element in would synergize perfectly with the broader theme already

either way if robin wasn't an amnesiac it would create some fantastic points of tension in the story if handled properly because a) ylisse (good guy country) and plegia (grimleal bad guy country) have a very poor relationship politically for a good though severely underexplained reason, which either gives the shepherds a reason to be very wary of robin at first or gives robin a reason to be very wary of the shepherds at first depending on how you're playing out the prologue. as an aside frederick should have recognized robin's outift as that of a grimleal worshipper it's a stupidly minor detail that i will die mad about. b) idk i feel like the stuff that happens with robin in act 3 where they for real get possessed and forced to betray the shepherds a few times would hit more like a freight train if there was more context, mostly because i think it would affect robin a lot more knowing the amount of effort they had to put into to getting this far and distancing themself so much from grima only to succumb to something outside their control just by getting within like 20 feet of their dad or something idk c) if you go the covert enemies to found family route i don't think robin can be normal about that and it sets up for a potentially really fun confrontation about robin's motives that would have to happen in the late game after the character has progressed in the optimal direction for it

also they fit the bill for a [mars] character very well like i would play a character with that sort of personality and that sort of backstory in a TTRPG campaign and that's the condensed way to describe my blorbo formula. i've said this before but i like playing characters that are just some guy personality-wise, both robins fit the bill for that but m!robin a little more cause yeah i don't play a lot of women in TTRPGs and the [mars] character formula for women is a little bit different. not by a lot mind you but eh. generally though yeah sure they're a very shrewd tactician and pretty good at reading people from what i remember, their accomplishments and backstory in-game might make them seem larger than life but you know in reality they're a generally pleasant person albeit a bit sarcastic and prone to social blunders that are mostly benign. like as a character both robins are more grounded than a decent portion of the cast and my gimmick as a player and as an enjoyer of characters in silly media is going for the most grounded characters. you know like you could very believably meet someone like that in real life. anyway i'm a fan of characters that are hypercompetent in a specific field and at least a little dorky outside of that. robin is a hypercompetent dork so it's perfect

[my-moony-and-padfoot]

Get to know me :) In a very detailed manner and all of this totally unnecessary and unneeded

(I found these random questions/"get to know me" thingies from Pinterest and left out a few things) I just wanted to do this because I'm hella bored and definitely shouldn't be studying

Definitely not

First name: Guess 📚

Middle name: Maria

Nickname: My friends call me Grandma, Gran and gran-gran.

Age: young and sweet, only seventeen

Height: 165.5 cm

Birthday: 31st of July

Zodiac sign: I'm a Leo ♌

Sexuality: Pan 🍳

Fave color: light pink, light purple and dark green

Fave animal/s: dogs and cats, foxes. Red pandas are cool too and reindeers. Oh oh and turtles

Pets: three dogs and four cats (in two different places tho)

Shoe size: 38-39 EU

Hair color: orange ish

How long is your hair: down to my shoulders

Eye color: blue green brown ish something I really don't know, they're weird. They like often change colors weirdly idk what's up with them. So, I usually stick with saying they're green

Do you have glasses: I do 🤓

Any siblings: half big sister and half big brother, so technically one right?

Where are you from: That there is a mystery 🌎, unless you're fucking Sherlock, or another fictional detective, or a stalker

Last dream: A nightmare of my grandma trying to kill our whole family

Fave book/s: One of the harry potters and heart stoppers. Also I love this Norse mythology book I have

Last book you bought: Poison, and before the coffee gets cold

Favorite hobby/hobbies: writing and crochet 🧶. Also I really like DND 🎲

Favorite game: Sims 4, Minecraft

Fave song/s: We made it - Louis Tomlinson, lowlife - YUNGBLUD, Mars - YUNGBLUD Call your mom - Noah Kahan and arsonist - Alec Benjamin, Body - Mother Mother, Miserable man - David Kusher, Holding on to heartache - Louis Tomlinson, Golden - Harry Styles (I'm sorry I couldn't pick just one) Theres so many more tho

Favorite artist/s: Louis Tomlinson (he's mainly on my play list) and I also like Harry styles. YUNGBLUD, Noah Kahan, David Kusher, Jordan Suaste, cavetown, Conan Gray... I like too many artists, okay?

Last song you listened to: Polygraph eyes - YUNGBLUD

Fave movie: Harry Potter Goblet of fire, I don't really watch movies 🎥 Sweeney Todd is good too

Religion: I'm a Christian, like I belong in the church but I don't really believe into anything, but I respect everyone who does <3

Have you been to the hospital: A lot when I was a child, last time was because of my knees

Ever gotten in trouble with the law: Nope

Met any celebrities: I've met a few YouTubers, does that count?

Baths or showers: Showers. Definitely showers 🚿

What color socks are you wearing: white with light purple stripes at the top

Would you like to be famous: not really no

How many pillows do you sleep with: Two, well one the other one just is kinda there but it's never under my head, it's to prop the other one up

Do you own stuffed animals: I do 🧸

If you do, how many: Six, can't sleep without one of them (it's a bunny). I lied there's seven

What position do you sleep in: The Superman position, y'know? 🦸‍♂️

What do you eat for breakfast: I don't eat breakfast, sometimes coffee though, coffee with oat milk is the best

Ever tried archery: I actually have, was my hobby for a year or something, spoiler alert; wasn't very good at it 🏹

Ever fired a gun: Nope and won't

Favorite clean word: fluffy, it's nice to say

Favorite curse word: Fuck, I say that way too much someone help me

Longest you've been without sleep: 23 hours

Have any scars: I do, a surgery scar on my knee, one on my upper lip from my teeth going through it, small one in the corner of my eyes, a lot on my knees from falling down as a kid so much, and then some others

Are you a good liar: I think I am

Can you do any accents (besides your own): Not really and I don't have that much of an accent, I think. Though my friends tell me I have a bit of a British accent, which is bizarre, and I don't really hear it myself.

What is your personality type: from the 16 personalities INFJ-T 🌛

Can you curl your tongue: I can, I can also do the flower thingy

Left or right handed: right handed

Are you scared of spiders: Sort of, I don't mind them as long as they're not near me

Favorite food: lasagna and tortillas

Are you a clean or a messy person: Messy but in an organized way 📦

Most used phrase: "No shit Sherlock" "no wayyy" "just...why?"

Most used word: Probably some curse word... Or "what" "why"

Do you suck or bite lollipops: Bite 😬

Do you talk to yourself: all the freaking time

Do you sing to yourself: I do, everytime I listen to music alone 😶‍🌫️

Are you a good singer: I'd like to say that I am, but I don't actually know

Biggest fear: someone murdering me (during the night with a knife), dislocating my knee, or any other part that can be dislocated (it hurts so fucking much, cannot recommend)

Can you name all the states: Maybe probably, haven't tried

Favorite school subject: Psychology or English 📖

Least favorite school subject: MATH, and chemistry, physics is sorta alright but I don't like the math part

Extrovert or introvert: as introverted as they come lol

Have you been scuba diving: Nope, probably never will go 🤿 deep waters scare me

What makes you nervous: Literally everything, it's called anxiety ✨

Are you scared of the dark: not anymore, unless it's outside, sometimes it's scary inside too, but not too often

Do you correct people if they make mistakes: Sometimes but not to be mean to them, but not like minor mistakes, unless I wanna annoy someone

Are you ticklish: Not really 🪶

Have you been in a position of authority: I've been a scout leader for the past three years, can't do it anymore tho, does that count?

Have you ever drank underage: Once because my sister forced me to, A glass of champagne how rebellious of me

Ever done drugs: Nope

Ever smoked anything: Nope x2

How many piercings do you have: I have earrings and snake bites 🐍 I really want an industrial but idk if I have the correct anatomy

How fast can you type: Somewhat fast, I'm faster on my phone than on a computer

Are you a fast learner: Depends on the subject, but usually yes

Can you roll your R's: No I cannot 🐐

Do you keep a journal: Every now and then, I'm not very consistent. But I do do bullet journaling in the back of my calendar

Do you like your age: ✨Sweet sixteen✨ It's fine, I don't really care I'd honestly rather be older ⚰️

Do you like your name: I think it's very pretty, I used to hate it tho when I was young (still kinda do, most of the time). It's fine but I just don't like using it with people

How did you get your name: From my mom and dad lol. No it "tells a story" and it suits well for English which my mom wanted, it's somewhat rare here where I live. With the spelling I have

Dream job: I have zero clue 🔎

What was your first job: A week at a daycare. But my first actual job (something I got paid for) was in a coffee shop for a summer

What places have you worked in: In a daycare and a preschool and two summers in that cafe, never going back there it was horrible

Last show you watched: Chicago med 🩺

Last show you finished: baby reindeer

Favorite show ever: Big bang theory, Chicago med, what we do in the shadows and 911. Oh, heartstopper :)

What is your earliest memory: Sitting on a dresser and my dad telling me to wait for a bit, or being on my mum's shoulders while she was doing something outside (I'm not sure which one is first)

Happiest memory: Moving away, getting into the school I wanted with good grades

When did you start this blog: May-June 2022

When did you start writing fanfic: January 2022 (The next few ones a writing related because they were in this one list of questions I found)

What was your first fic: Fred Weasley/reader definitely not with a self insert *cough cough.

How do you come up with ideas for writing: They just come up when I try to sleep, or am doing something random, or something happens so I just write it out. I hate brain storming with all my heart because nothing good comes up when I try

What character/s do you enjoy writing the most: Sirius and Remus <3, but lately I've fallen in love with Percy and Oliver and starchaser is always fun to write. Also lily and Pandora are lovely to write, I just never really do it

What character do you not enjoy writing: Any authoritative figure because it's hard and when there's multiple characters because it's hard to keep track

Is there a fic you regret writing: Not really, I mean I'm embarrassed of some of my writings, but it just shows that I've learned and I can write better now :)

Favorite thing you've written: "When I..." A long fic about a suicide attempt and it was very comforting to write, but then I think I've written a few good hurt/comfort fics. There's like very small bits of the stories that I absolutely love, and loved to write

What do you like to write: Hurt/comfort and just sad things, I feel like I'm good at it. I like descriptive writing too and I've been trying to work on it lately

What don't you like writing: Smut, I feel a little cringe when I write it, and like longer fics, I feel I can't come up with a good enough idea for a one 🤔 Also, I don't have the patience for that

Favorite characters: Sheldon Cooper from the big bang theory. Sirius and Remus obviously, Regulus, and then I like the Weasley twins... There's honestly too many that I like. But to mention a few more: Nick, Charlie, Elle, Tara and Darcy <3 and the art teacher I can't remember the name of from heartstopper. Loki <3. Will Halsted and Sharon Goodwin are the best characters in Chicago med, fight me. Laszlo from what we do in the shadows.

Do you keep a journal: I have a few pages in the back of my calendar for bullet journaling

One bad habit: self deprecation, I apparently do that too much. Source: my friends

What did you want to be as a child: I really wanted to be a chef or a baker

Who's the last person you held hands with: My friend when dancing, if that doesn't count, then with the same friend at a school Christmas party cause I almost lost them in the hallway 'cause there were a lot of people. Before that, no clue

Are you outgoing or shy: Shy with new people. I'm shyly outgoing lol

Who are you looking forward to seeing: My bestie haven't seen her in over a year

What does your most recent text say: "Alright :)" Another one cause it was around the same time but to a different person. "It's just a little guy"

Do you have trust issues. Oh yeah

Favorite part of your daily routine: Everything cause it always goes the same way. We love structure over here. But if I have to pick one, cracking my back every morning cause it's so satisfying

What do you do when you wake up: Turn off my alarm if it's on, then I go through the notifications on my phone and just lay there doing random things before I gotta get up. Usually reading actually if I have enough time and oh, always listen to a podcast/music

Morning routine: What I just mentioned, but when I get up, I drink water and take my meds, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth. If I'm going somewhere I pack my stuff, and then dress up. If I'm not going anywhere, I usually start watching something and drink coffee in peace and then change clothes

Evening routine: I shower, wash my face, sometimes eat something and change into pyjamas. Mark stuff in my calendar, do my journaling and then I get into bed. I usually read before sleeping, a book or fanfic.

Do you like your neighbors: I don't really know our neighbors 👀 except the ones I dog sit for. Oh at least one of our neighbors thinks I'm creepy. (Literally steered their kids away from me while I was coming from school.)

Is your hair long enough for a ponytail: it is, I just often don't keep it in one. Unless it's dirty or I'm alone and need it to get it out of the way

How many languages can you speak: Two (actually three but I'm really bad at the third one) I picked french for next year tho :)

Can you cook: Yep, I'm quite good at it. I can bake too

Last time you cried: A few days ago because I was feeling like an absolutely horrible human being

How long does it take you to get ready: Like 10 minutes lol ⏱️

Favorite number: 5. Five is the Ultimate number, and everything either ends in five or is divisible by five. I've always liked the number five :3

Alright 😮‍💨

That was quite long, Sorry about that, I just like questions :)

If there is something you wanna know for some reason, feel free to ask. Like I said I like questions.

I might write more things here, if I think of something or find something fun

Feel free to use these if you want, I just want to note that most of these I did not make up myself and I don't know who did.

Enjoy this I guess I just got inspired and stopped studying for this, anyone I can blame on my English grade after this 👀

Also there's almost hundred of you following me, that's so weird....

<3

[gayndepressed666]

Realm of the Elderlings characters as quotes from The Discord

quotes under the break as it is far too long.

((quotes by queer and autistic people))

wintrow:

"Oh kid, that'll get you struck down. Changing religions like sex partners."

ronica gaslight girlbossing and gatekeeping serilla out of bingtown:

"I'm high energy btw, but like if you gave someone with depression a coffee except I don't have depression or a coffee"

kennit:

"I feel like people should be able to kill their sons because God did it and nobody complained"

jek:

"You rocked her, you papered her and you scissored herrrr"

the pale woman:

"you better sleep with one eye open. I'll come in here and steal Ur bones... *slurp*"

kyle:

"the feels when you wanna shit on a child"

nighteyes learning about sex:

"And so thats why humans grew boobs :) "

tintaglia:

“It’s otay to eat babies 🥹”

wintrow:

"I just called you a god why are you upset??"

wintrow:

"Ohhh, you scared the Jesus outta me.... I guess I'm not Christian anymore 🤟 😔"

the fool:

"maybe I'd be one of those famous people like robin williams where I'd be really happy on the outside then kill myself"

fitz at the fool in the first trilogy:

"who would heckle me?? who would look at me and think, 'They need to be beat down *more*'"

fitz and the fool:

fitz: your going to kill me one day I know it.

the fool: it’s ok coz I will be there with you when it happens!😊

regal:

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m evil, but then I remember that I’m cute so it doesn’t matter.”

starling to fitz:

"if you got slapped across the face would you get hard?"

the general public about fitz after the mountain kingdom in book one:

"I know him. He's crazy. He has autism or epilepsy."

jinna:

"bruhhhh imma sympathy fuck you right now"

etta:

"I'm telling ya! I don't support fascism, but if you take a few of the bastards out into the street and shoot them publicly, the rest'll listen!"

tatts when thymara wouldnt fuck him:

"Yk Asexuals are actually sexist because they don't like sex"

fitz:

"I may sound like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm just being autistic"

paragon:

"You look away for one second and I steal your nipples"

althea about viv:

"this bitch did in fact make me gay. Titties out, ready for me to suckle."

the fool becoming lord golden:

"guys I hope to be a gay man :)"

amber to fitz in the last trilogy:

"Only gay people like boobs"

kennit:

"I'm not trying to hurt people I am trying to shoot them >:("

fitz:

"Do you think i have Artistic potential, or just autistic potential"

fitz off his face after downing blackberry brandy:

"On a sober not, idk why the table and my chair are wet because I peed in the toilet"

malta:

"I’m not innocent I just find men extremely revolting"

jek:

"I would get up to such mischief if I had a penis"

the fool about regal:

"I'm anti gun... but if I saw him 😡"

fitz at the fool and vice versa:

"I look at it and think who's gay and depressed? and then I remember it's you"

fitz at the fool in the first book of the last trilogy:

*whispers* "I very narrowly avoided shooting you in the back of the head"

fitz:

"Excuse me i just went into the astral realm for a sec"

fitz to the fool in golden fool:

"I don't know what he's mad about, but it's because he's gay"

fitz swapping bodies with verity:

"It must be scary being a guy friend of a lesbian couple. Never know when they're gonna ask you for your sperm"

the fool:

“I’m never going to lose my virginity because I don’t lose 😎”

etta:

"Why is ppl having blood on them so hot?"

ronica around malta:

"Guess what! I hate children"

the fool at fitz:

"*looking him dead in the eyes* it's fascinating watching dumb people"

nighteyes:

"She's in your bed, I'm in your boyfriend"

bee:

"I love the feeling of being evil, b-but in a good way"

jek thirsting over brashen:

"it's a shame I'm too sexy to be embarrassed"

fitz to molly after she fucks his dad:

"What a wife you are, ya skank"

verity on elfbark:

"See, I become all knowing when I get high"

bee:

"is it bad to put burning down a church on my bucket list? Idk I just think it'd be fun."

[eldritchgray]

Okay, about Midnight Mass and why I love it so much.

This show is such a beautifully done piece of media, and Idk if I'm fully equipped to express just how impactful it is for me, but I wanna give it an effort. Specifically about the ending, because the ending is my favorite part.

Warning: This got long (also spoilers)

The beginning of the final episode is chaotic. It shows the worst aspects of religion, blind faith, and the church. The blatant hypocrisy of those who see themselves as righteous. The dangers of cherry-picking isolated pieces of scripture to justify every action, even the ones that cause others harm. Especially the ones that cause others harm. It's full of violence, gore, and fear.

The protagonists are the people who have been ostracized by the church for one reason or another. The gay woman, the Muslim man, the adulteress. They're the ones who saw how fucked up the actions of their church were first. They're the ones who realize the goal is to spread vampirism (it's never actually called that in the show, but that's what it is) from their isolated island community to the mainland, and they're the ones who choose to stay and stop this instead of fleeing to safety.

All three of them die in the process. But they win. They win against the rest of the town that was against them.

On the other side, is the culmination of every Christian self-righteous, judgemental asshole. She's the one who has justified every terrible decision with scripture. She's the one who looks down on everyone else in the whole goddamn town. I know several people like her from the church I used to attend.

In one scene she reprimands a man for saving someone who had never set foot in church, and says there's no room in the rec center (one of the two buildings left standing at this point) for him. The man who saved him says, "But I saved him. He was always nice to me." She doesn't care. In here eyes, since he'd never gone to mass, he wasn't redeemable.

It's around this time we see the people starting to realize just how horrible all this is. How terrible their actions have been. That they never should have started down this path, but they have and now they have to recon with the aftermath.

When the main three burn down the last two remaining buildings, the town's reaction compared to the self-righteous woman's is very telling. They remain calmly resigned, while she panics. They've already come to terms with the horror of their actions and their upcoming fate, and she is still firmly clinging to the belief that this was all God's will.

We get to see everyone in their final moments, and specifically we get to hear the inner thoughts the woman the town condemned as promiscuous. The whole monologue is beautifully written and acted, but it's this one line that really gets to me,

"There is no time. There is no death. Life is a dream. It's a wish. Made again and again and again and again and again and again and on into eternity. And I am all of it. I am everything. I am all. I am that I am."

When I tell you this made me sob it is not an exaggeration.

Everyone in the town spends their final moments coming together and singing or praying facing the sunrise. Everyone except the self-righteous woman. She spends her final moments scrambling for survival. The one person who could never come to terms with the fact that she was in the wrong.

The final episode begins with chaos, but it ends with an almost haunting quiet, as everyone looks into the sunrise.

This show does such a good job of criticizing the hypocrisy in the church and in having blind faith. It shows that going to church every week does not make you a good person. But it balances this with showing that having faith and having religion can bring people peace and joy, and that is beautiful and lovely. With showing that not going to church does not make you a bad person. In the end, we are all just people.

[yamatossideboob]

One Piece 1096 Spoilers!

... Things I liked this week!

GOOD cover page, love seeing Zoro in goofy predicaments again

This entire GV situation is horrific to a degree that feels asinine to describe... but calling the people being hunted "rabbits" genuinely makes my stomach turn

Who are the "children"... are they other Holy Knights, or CDs we'll meet in the future?

Oh hi Kong! you will never be able to wash the blood from your hands!

I love that Garp didn't give a shit until he heard Roger was going to be there. That's so yaoi!

I *entirely* forgot that this is where Kaido got his fruit.

oh Ginny, such a fateful endeavour...

I fucking love Kuma and Ivankov so much more with this flashback...

I'm probably off the mark but that flag of Rocks'... does he have the Mero Mero no Mi?? This feels stupid but that skull *looks* like its flaming... it could be the Yami Yami but then that'd surely be more obvious... idk!

THE

ROCKS

FUCKING

PIRATES

ARE IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!

god I got shivers when I beheld this page... the utter hype on display!

so aside from the usual suspects we can see Captain John and Shiki, as well as Gloriosa!! I had no idea she was in this crew but waow!! Bad bitchery all round!!

and two other shadowy figures who get closeup panels... who could they be...?

"Today's the final fight, I assume"... "That's the idea!!" ngl those "Rocks wasn't the villain" speculations are gaining ground...

Like it was be beautifully bleak if, when this concentrated effort to destroy the Celestial Dragons in one fell swoop failed and Rocks was defeated, THIS was what made Big Mom and Kaido into the monsters they'd become. I can't help but wonder how this influenced Whitebeard afterwards too...

as my OP Bestie said, Roger looks so much Shanks minus moustache and captain's hat that it's a little discombobulating lmao

the skull dude and baddie behind Figarland look really cool... we likely won't see them again but I like these little incidental character designs.

BOGART! the years have been kind to him I must say

jfc, Ivankov was THIS close to being a big blue dragon... lucky for him I guess. the fruit he did eventually get is way more his style hehe

how the hell did they escape if fucking SATURN and possibly other Gorosei were there?? not to mention the 3 way wam bam going on down below?? I don't know that we'll ever see all of what happened here (the important stuff anyway) but MAN I hope we do somehow

hell, Gloriosa is still alive last I heard, she can spill the beans! or Stussy! or Shiki even if he's in canon limbo!

man the sky above God Valley is gonna look like Swiss cheese with all of the haki splitting going on below

KUMA HAS BECOME CATHOLIC

This boy saved 500 people with a power he only just obtained... I need to see who's responsible for giving him the name 'Tyrant' bc i am going to redden his arse for besmirching my boy Kuma's name!!!!!!

so, is this church dedicated to the worship of Nika? we've not really seen religion outside of Skypeia... how intriguing...

I think it's safe to say Ginny will eventually be the mother of Bonney hehe... she and kid Kuma are really cute together... I guess next chapter, we see how she dies :'''D yippee....

goddddddddd what a tantalising chapter... as many new questions as answers... and more next week!! I'm going to be devastated and I can't wait!!

Until next week friends! 💪❌