#idk when ill line and color this but it will CERTAINLY not be soon

[nuclearisopod]

a sketch of a stupid comic i will probably finish someday :) 17 pages

The End

[thedeviljudges]

the devil judge + the seven deadly sins

so, i made a gifset about who i thought falls under the seven deadly sins. and also shameless plug - please go reblog the gifset i made for this. took me ages to do.

but i figured i might as well make a meta post to correlate. so this is that post. it’s not everything i could discuss. i could be here for hours more, truth be told. but i hope it’s enough to chew on.

while i feel like a lot of these are going to be a no-brainer, i still want to talk it through because idk. i can, and i want to, and i feel like it, lmao.

gluttony

the elite are privileged and have an opportunity to indulge so much more than the general public, but in many different ways. this is shown throughout the show in the fact that they can indulge on luxury food, have political power, they can make a phone call or snap their fingers and everyone must follow their orders.

and the thing about gluttony is that there is always more to be had. you take a little and then realize it’s not enough and so you ask for more. case in point: in episode 11 when sunah suggests that yohan could be the new president, the current one gives her an alternative: dictatorship. because it wasn’t just enough for him to be an actor and the presiding president.

you’ll also know they turn in on themselves - the two other guys in the elite group. one who owns the company and the other dude - i really cannot remember their names and what they do, but y’all know who i’m talking about. it was so easy for them, when threatened, to fabricate documents to give to yohan about each other in order to get ahead. gluttony is only shared in the relationships we have until one realizes they can take a little extra of the pie. it’s the selfishness of having all the leftovers. gluttony cannot necessarily exist without someone else’s sacrifice.

lust

i kind of had an ah-ah moment when i was talking this over with @technitango​. i was trying to decide who was going to be lust because lust is portrayed very, very differently in this show than what most of us are used to. we, of course, know sunah who lusts after a life of indulgence and riches because she equates that with respect more than actually wanting it because it’s monetarily worth something.

but then i realized the public is lust because of their need for justice. i won’t say revenge necessarily because they’re doing as they’re told when given the judge show. but we can quickly see how that evaporates into something akin to bloodlust, for criminals and people who normally get away with shit, to have their fair taste at conviction for their misdeeds. we even see it with yohan’s fanboy club - the lust that comes from adoration and dedication.

and even more so, the public is easily swayed and so is the nature of lust. it follows in the vein of needs and wants, and as soon as new information is presented, however may false, so does the wants and desires of what people want sway. how easy was it for them to turn on yohan for a split second on two occasions - on two accounts of bribery.

envy

envy, above all, is about wanting what others have because you do not have it yourself. it may not be exactly what they have, but a form of it. some people don’t necessarily want money - they want what it can by, which is time, health and material goods.

sunah is the perfect example of this. she envies respect and recognition. she talks about bright and shiny objects, and that’s true to her kleptomania tendences, but more than anything, she wants to be seen as an equal because being poor with a vastly different upbringing means she’s looked down upon by those she thinks matters.

which also begs the question why she feels the need to seek validation from people in higher statuses to begin with when she can be the exception and not the rule - form her own understanding and environment to show others that the typical way of the elite is not actually all it’s cracked up to be - to which we see when she has no one to celebrate her victory with. it’s lonely being at the top. you get to your goal you thought you wanted but then what?

more importantly, sunah also envies family, relationships and simply put, human interaction. she wants to be cared for and treasured, and she looks for that in her position of power. because then all eyes are on you. because then that’s what people care about. what she fails to see is that those eyes are just as fruitless and just as wavering. to be a leader means people loving the idea of you but not you as a person.

“people of envious nature are sometimes stimulated to seek to emulate those who have completed some great achievements and in doing so achieve something great for themselves,” according to Understanding Philosophy.

wrath

while i realize that gaon not might entirely fit the wrath trope, he certainly has his moments, and i think he’s lived with a tampered flame since his parent’s death. he just learned to briefly put it out in the form of distractions and a false sense of righteousness and justice. it isn’t until he meets yohan that someone finally gives him the okay to feel the entirety of his emotions, that lets him breath and tells him it’s okay to feel anger and hurt. and while gaon ultimately chooses not to exact revenge, his wrath is what led him to becoming a judge and walking away from his teenage crimality.

gaon transposed his wrath into seeking justice, transformed it into livelihood, and reformed his narrative so that he was no longer angry and a teen with rash emotions. it was simply redirected and never really forgotten. yohan turned that redirection back around onto gaon’s ultimate heartache. fueled with that, it became easier to justify himself and his actions.

the most pivotal moment of turning his back on this mindset is, of course, the minister’s suicide, where he takes a good look at himself and doesn’t like what he sees. at this point, gaon’s upset isn’t necessarily at yohan but at the situation in which they got themselves into. because the thing is, gaon doesn’t absolve himself from what they did. he doesn’t turn a blind eye to that and try to dismiss it. he owns up to what happened and confesses how he feels to yohan and how he has to leave for his own good, and in some indirect way, for yohan’s, too.

with yohan, his ultimately weakness, despite never admitting to it, is family. his wrath comes in the form of anger when the ones he loves are threatened. yohan lives by a moral code of loyalty because that means you won’t be abandoned, and as a child who lived with that verdict since the day he was born, it’s an ever-pressing theme of his.

thing is, wrath comes in two particular forms for yohan. again, one is family and the second is the rose-colored glasses he’s given himself in his revenge story. he’s always had a goal to presumably make right the wrong for taking away isaac, but within that, 10 years is a long time to plot revenge, to the point where it becomes so much easier to lose yourself to that, to become enraged with it and forget the initial goal all along. we see this in his inability to form the bonding moments needed with his niece and his casual throwaway comments over people’s lives - the comment he made to gaon about moving on to the next plan, and the ultimately nail in the coffin of pushing gaon to leaving him.

his fury has also led him to convince himself his own humanity is nothing short of a lie. therefore, it’s easier to justify the means to an end because of his own self-worth and self-deprecation. it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy: he even admitted to gaon’s mentor that he is an abyss. he’s referred to himself as nothing but an animal or a monster - all characteristics of despondency to survive and to justify what he’s doing. sort of like a catch 22, yohan claims he’s an animal/monster and behaves as such, but because he behaves as such, it means he’s an animal/monster.

wrath for gaon and yohan are very different yet the same. they are slow-burning, and that’s a dangerous type. it’s actually interesting when you think about the fire imagery surrounding the two of them because flames are quick to lap at anything in its wake, to destroy within a matter of minutes. and yet for the two of these men, their internal fire eats them from the inside out, painfully, until they’re almost unrecognizable to others and to themselves.

sloth

sloth was a little more difficult to pinpoint because of its characteristics. it was either the minister versus the mentor, both of which i think could work in this role. however, i chose the minister simply because she’s featured more and intertwines heavily with the plot line.

soth is a medieval translation of the Latin term acedia, meaning “without care.”

the ultimate characteristic of sloth is often identified as laziness, and while it’s easy to argue that the minister hasn’t been lazy in her ability to get where she is, she became as much when she started lying to get to her position. isn’t lying known as the easier way out? it absolves you of responsibility, of putting in the hard work, of apologizing and making things right. in the end, she had a goal and found the easiest solution to get there through her lack of responsibility for the roles she more than likely swore an oath to.

but that also translates into the other attributes of sloth: a failure to do the right thing, lack of emotions for people or of the self, and the fact that it “hinders man in his righteous undertakings and thus becomes a terrible source of man’s undoing” according to The Seven Deadly Sins: Society and Evil.

while i think there are a lot of components of sloth that may not necessarily fit the minister, the apathy and carelessness are enough to showcase her aggression, despondency and restlessness when what little efforts she does put in do not go her way. another interesting thing to note is that many of sloth’s traits correspond with symptoms of mental illness, such as depression and anxiety. it’s an interesting thing to note given the way the minister chooses to end her life.

greed

i don’t know that jinjoo would’ve had any provocation to the limelight if it wasn’t for sunah’s direction, but she’s eager to please and wants to be useful. it’s only natural for her to want more because it’s clear she’s a career woman, loves her job and has a heart for serving the people.

but like gluttony, greed is also that little thing that plants itself and can take on a life of its own. you start looking for justifications as to why you can’t have more than what you do, and in jinjoo’s situation, she’s already overlooked through no fault of her own. and it’s not that gaon and yohan are doing it purposefully, which is what makes their neglect heartbreaking, because truthfully, they’re after the same thing jinoo is. sure, it looks different and the foundation of it is different, same with their motives. but they’re all three judges on a residing bench working to exact justice - even if all three of them have their own personal agenda. 

i don’t think jinoo fully aligns with greed, but she does want more for herself, and i think that’s only natural. you can tell she has a heart, and she’s keen not to be overlooked. this isn’t her pain point so much as it is she knows her worth and is more than ready to do what it takes to get where she wants. this, in and of itself, isn’t necessarily a bad trait, but we can see how it leads to being deceived, especially for someone who’s been left in the dark for so long.

she is enticed by the glitz and the glamour of being a head judge, but you can tell she feels some remorse and guilt for those thoughts at times. i think her sense of greed is a battle within herself more than it is extremely outwardly.

pride

soohyun’s pride comes in the form of her imbalance with right and wrong. her sense of righteousness and justice is so far leaning, even more than gaon’s. it can be chalked up to her being a cop, but we’ve seen instances of this outside of her role within that agency. her pride doesn’t let her see beyond saving gaon and getting to the bottom of every mystery that comes her way.

it also comes in the form of impulsiveness and her savior complex, putting elijah in danger, for example, instead of waiting for backup. it’s not necessarily from a belief that she can fix things all on her own, but she sees injustice and immediately jumps in. another case in point is her and gaon watching yohan wreck the minister’s son’s car. she’s ready to go stop him, but gaon pulls her back, most likely because at that point, they hadn’t been observing the situation for very long to get a read on it. also the fact that at that point, neither of them truly knew yohan and his capabilities.

but as to where her characteristics come from, we simply don’t know beyond that of gaon. it’s unfortunate because we don’t have much of her backstory, so there is no real understanding why she so firmly believes in entities of regulation beyond keeping her friend out of jail. she prides herself on her work and what she’s able to accomplish, which is why it’s devastating to her to have to protect gaon by cleaning up his bloody handprint.

aristotle is of the belief that, “pride, then, seems to be a sort of crown of the virtues; for it makes them greater, and it is not found without them. Therefore it is hard to be truly proud; for it is impossible without nobility and goodness of character,” from Nicomachean Ethics.

but pride for soohyun isn’t about honors or rewards. it’s for herself and her capabilities, her ability to protect gaon, and the virtues she’s set as the precedent for herself. because sometimes it’s not even about establishing morals and ethics upon yourself. it’s about feelings/intuition, logic and observation. and no, i don’t mean the feelings she has for gaon. there are things that humans do, both actions and words, that we inherently know are bad without someone telling us as much and without the rules of the world seared into our brains. there are some things we know, for a fact, are wrong to us as individuals.

for soohyun, she knows that gaon’s actions, and even her own, have consequences. from what we’ve seen, i think it can be argued that it’s really about not doing those actions to prevent an outcome - not necessarily from a place of being just and right. that doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand good morals/ethics, but again, we have no background of what her internal guidance actually is.

to put this in layman’s terms, we’ll use gaon wanting to stab the conman in his youth. soohyun knows it’s wrong because it will incriminate gaon and therefore she stops it. gaon’s gone to her because he sees her as a moral compass. but is her own internal navigation rooted in justice the way gaon had to find it in the judicial system, or is hers rooted in her pride of keeping gaon safe? she stops him from doing things that will get him in trouble, but is she stopping him because the action itself is wrong or because the outcome will result in undesirable consequences for the two of them?

and of course, there is a flipped argument to be had there - i’m not arguing that gaon stabbing the conman would be right or justified. but what i am saying is that for her, her worldview is the only right one, and when anyone steps out of that, even gaon, it becomes a bit of an issue: the pride she has for that is palpable.

every character indulges

truthfully, every character has at least one form of these sins rooted in their characterization. some are larger than others, but the breadth of it can be explored even further for each. and that’s what makes them more realistic and not just characters written on a page or following a linear progression of their writing deity.

the seven deadly sins are also notoriously rooted in religion. they’re also a defining feature of aristotle’s works that represent the golden mean, in which each vice is parallel to a virtue.

the devil judge is so layered, but i think at the heart of it, it’s about humanity at its core. sprinked in are the philosophies and contradictions and what it means to look in the mirror, what happens when we’re blind to seeing our true selves and most importantly, how much changes when we’re swayed by our own misgivings. it really asks us to understand nature versus nurture, that people must find a belief in something to keep them going, and how futile our hopes and desires can actually be if we’re not carefully regulating ourselves, nevermind the entities established by society to regulate us, too.

the entirety of the show genuinely begs the question as to who is truly right, who is truly wrong, and if it’s even possible to find the correct answer.

[thunderon]

https://goths-eat-electricity.tumblr.com/post/644468623985016832/a-harrow-the-ninth-epilogue-theory

This thing for the ask I just sent

original ask here

for ease of anyone wanting to view the post attached im linking it here. so op thinks the epilogue is narrated by someone in gideon’s body, different soul.

now i made a post back in january about the epilogue here talking about how i thought it was gideon narrating, but in a body other than her own. now i kinda didn’t explain a lot and ive done some revisions and rethought some stuff since then so *claps hands* new meta time

so i actually agree that it’s very likely gideons body is being actively inhabited by someone other than gideon. i don’t think that’s necessarily who is narrating the epilogue. i mean, it very well could be! and it very well could not. here's how i ~personally~ am interpreting the epilogue. it's very likely i will be wrong but i'll walk you through my thought process.

now the epilogue is intentionally vague and leaves a lot unexplained, so we really have quite a few blanks to fill in.

first, here’s an important question: why does camilla not know the identity of the narrator?

when the narrator asks “have you figured out who i am yet” and camilla answers “not yet” we must assume one of two things:

the narrator doesn’t know who they are either

or

the narrator does know who they are and is keeping it a secret from camilla

based on nothing but gut instinct, i am going with 1.

now why would camilla not know who the narrator is? there is always the possibility the narrator is just someone camilla has never met, but where's the fun in speculating on that? here's my theory:

i think that the narrator could be gideon-in-harrow's-body. in the end of htn, we see gideon-in-harrow's-body being rescued by at least two people, one probably being The Body (side note: i have a drafted post about that) and that leaves us with a big question mark. why is TB there? who is she working for? who is she talking to? what happens afterwards? since these are loose ends, theoretically gideon-in-harrow’s body could end up with camilla. theoretically. it might be a long shot but who knows with these books.

but anywho, so if we assume gideon-in-harrow’s-body (GIHB) is taken in by BoE and camilla, here’s my next point. for background, here is my chart i used to keep track of eye color changes. based on the information we have, harrowhark’s body with gideon’s eyes can indicate one of three things circumstances:

perfect lyctorhood was achieved (as seen with john and alecto)

harrow’s plan failed and she inadvertently absorbs gideon’s soul (we know harrow planned for this because she had a letter for herself in the circumstance that her eye color changes from black)

harrow’s plan worked and gideon’s soul came back in harrow’s body

now we know that in this case the latter is true, but how would camilla know? the last time cam saw harrow, she had black eyes. if you see harrowhark's body with yellow eyes, by sight, how would you know if harrow's plan succeeded or failed? you wouldn't! camilla could be looking at this yellow-eyed harrow and be unsure of who is piloting. now giving both bones and a rapier to harrow’s body makes sense! because she could be trying to distinguish if it's harrow-as-a-full-lyctor or GIHB by determining a pull toward necromancy or swordsmanship.

and based on how apeshit the lyctors make alecto sound it just doesn’t feel like the narrator is feral enough to be her imho but that could just be my personal interpretation. to me the narration just matches so closely with the narration in gtn as i pointed out in my post. but gosh i want it to be gideon so bad okay even if it's not her body. which i don't think it is. gideon’s body possesses a resistance to death, but not necessarily a healing factor. as i pointed out in my post back in january, the narrator in the epilogue DID NOT burn their tongue, while in gtn gideon displayed similar behavior with hot food consumption and DID burn her tongue. i think this could be an important point. GIHB would be able to be resistant to the burns, gideon's body alone would not.

UNLESS a side effect of perfect lyctorhood would allow gideon’s body to achieve the same abilities?

because what if perfect lyctorhood was kinda achieved? i don’t think it’s a coincidence that the name of the book is Harrow THE NINTH. the ninth. why did muir give harrow the title of a CAVALIER? and when harrow dies, she’s speared through the back with a rapier: exactly how naberius tern died, and similar to gideon's death via spike. coincidence? poetic parallel? does this MEAN something? idk lol. but that ending few lines of htn when gideon describes her and harrow blurring together certainly carries very interesting implications if we choose to interpret it that way. and like pyrrha has g1deon’s eye color in g1deon’s body, what if gideon has harrow’s eye color in harrow’s body now? so it’s still the original black? there’s so many what-ifs that i need to narrow down it’s insane. im due for a reread soon so ill be keeping this in mind.

to conclude: i just have a lot of imaginary dots im connecting. but fingers crossed for a gideon return.

[collapsingintojupiter]

Philosophy and Hot Chocolate

And look who’s back with some more dumb fanfiction rambles

ha, yeah, that would be

this bastard.

@just-perhaps wanted to see the braincell boys debate, so I bring you all this. You’re welcome.

Characters: Logan, Deceit (sympathetic), Roman, Patton, Virgil.

Pairings: None. Just platonic all around here.

Warnings: Alcohol mention, and Idk of anything else? Let me know if you’d like something added tho.

It was getting late in the diner. For Logan, that was nothing new. He just sat quietly at his booth by himself like he always did, absentmindedly stirring a cup of black coffee with a spoon and ignoring the creamer that was in a tiny metal bucket near his mug. Few customers remained as per usual at this hour, which meant that the place was finally, relatively quiet. 

For a cutesy diner, things got interesting here after about 10pm. All the nice pictures crowding the walls became dark with shadow after the sun went down and the lights dimmed, and the little knick knacks began to look like haunted artifacts from their perches around various shelves in the main room. 

Logan liked that about this place. When the night got old everyone else was gone, but the diner still remained open like it always did, dutifully serving its customers clear into the next morning. The night shift had started a few hours ago now; but one lonely staff member standing behind the bar with a few of the usual drunks. They’d be leaving soon enough when they got too rowdy to stay, and then finally he could have his silence.

Then the door opened. 

Logan looked up as a strangely-dressed character entered the diner, a bowler hat topping off his honey-colored hair, tanned skin, and sharp green eyes. A thin scar ran up from the left side of his mouth to the base of his ear; a mouth that was currently twisted into something that looked like a smirk as he slowly sauntered past the empty tables, then slid into the booth across from Logan. 

“You look bored,” he said. 

“I’m not.” Logan glanced across the table at the stranger, who was wearing a yellow shirt and black jacket over top. He looked like a hornet. “Interesting clothing choice,” he commented.

“I might say the same about you.”

Logan glanced down at the black shirt and tie he currently wore, then raised an eyebrow. 

“Fair enough.”

“Hey Logan, can I get something for your friend here?” Both turned as a new character approached, this one with curly hair that hung over round glasses and a light blue apron. His name tag read Patton. 

“You’re a regular here,” the other man said. 

“And you’re not.” Logan looked over at Patton. “Can we get a basket of fries?”

“Of course!” Patton smiled at him, then turned to the hornet man. “Can I get you anything, sir?”

“Iced tea. Unsweetened.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Patton flashed them a smile and left, humming something to himself as he disappeared into the back room. The stranger raised an eyebrow at Logan.

“Fries?” he asked.

“I don’t see why not.” 

“It’s almost midnight.” 

“Says the one ordering iced tea.”

“That’s not the same.” Logan only shrugged, automatically reaching up to adjust his glasses.

“Maybe for you it isn’t.” He yawned, turning as Patton returned to the table with a small red basket of fries, offering the waiter a nod as it was set down in front of him. 

“Thank you, Patton.” 

“Sure thing! You guys just let me know if you need anything else, okay?”

The stranger reached across the table as Patton returned to his station by the bar, grabbed a fry, and took a bite. 

“I like these,” he decided after a moment, and reached for another one. 

“Do I get a name?” Logan asked. 

“No.”

“Very well, Diogenes.” The other man sipped at his iced tea. 

“A famous cynical philosopher. Touché.” He smiled a bit behind his drink as Logan reached for a fry. “My name’s Dorian.”

“Logan, as I believe you’ve already heard.” Dorian nodded to him, then took another fry. 

“I was correct in my guess that you were educated.”

“Oh?”

“The only people who frequent these places at this hour are either genius, drunk, or mad. Because you clearly aren’t drunk and you don’t speak like a churchish pig, genius is the only category I’m left with to define you by.”

“You forgot a category,” Logan stated, sipping at his coffee. He took a fry, looked at his drink, and dipped it in his coffee before trying it. Too bitter. He made a face and sipped at his coffee again, trying to wash out the weird taste in his mouth.

“What would that category be?” Dorian asked, looking amused at Logan’s unsuccessful flavor combination. 

“Desperate. And perhaps...adventurous, though those show up rarely. Even they sleep.”

“Desperate falls under the category of mad, I believe. Adventurous certainly does.”

“How so?”

“Mad with desperation, for example. That is a thing, you know.” Dorian took another fry. Someone in a far booth gave them an odd look. He looked drunk, though he had no beer in front of him and hadn’t been to the bar all evening.

“I am aware of that phrase. However, it all depends on your definition of mad, and your definition of desperation,” Logan countered. Dorian smirked. 

“Tell me more.” 

Logan tilted his head, then shrugged and adjusted his glasses again. This wasn’t the strangest thing that had happened to him by far, and he saw no harm in rolling along with the visit of this strange “Dorian” character as long as he remained civil. Which, so far, he had. 

A waltz started to play quietly in the diner. 

“For starters,” Logan said, pulling on his ‘teaching voice’ as he began, “the phrase ‘mad with desperation,’ as you put it, hinges on the definition of both words, not just the one or the other. Madness can mean anything from insanity and psychosis according to some, to mental illness, to mere eccentricity, which by psychological definition is not mad, but merely different from the norm. Desperation, on the other hand, can mean several different things as well. Someone desperate to use the restroom, for example, may come here to relieve themselves. Or on the other end of the spectrum, someone fleeing a toxic or abusive situation may wish to seek temporary shelter here. You would not call them mad, would you?”

Dorian leaned back, sipping at his iced tea. 

“I suppose I would not,” he conceded at last. “You intrigue me, Oh-One-With-The-Glasses.” 

Logan hummed his reply, then looked aside. “Ah, more visitors. I thought he’d come over here eventually.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare...” The man who had been watching them earlier now spoke up, standing behind Dorian with a partially apprehensive, partially embarrassed expression. A red and white varsity jacket hung from his shoulders, which were slumped with what Logan guessed to be exhaustion. “Ah...does your table have room for one more?” Dorian and Logan exchanged glances. 

“I suppose so. Who would you like to accompany for this fine conversation, Logan or myself?” Dorian asked. The new character looked between the two, then sat next to Dorian, who obligingly scooted over to make room. 

“I’m Roman,” he said as he sat down, his face blushing a delicate shade of red. “You guys... uh...you seemed interesting, I-I guess.”

“We met less than ten minutes ago,” Logan stated bluntly. 

“Ah, but that’s the fun part!” Dorian grinned at last, looking between Logan and the new visitor. “See, the reason that drunks, geniuses, and madmen all visit this place at this time is because the line between each is so thin, it may as well not exist at all.”

“I don’t drink,” Logan said. 

“For some of us, anyhow.” Dorian looked over at Roman. “And where do you fall in this category?”

“You two are insane.” Roman shook his head, reaching for a fry. “But...I couldn’t get to sleep, for some reason. Figured I might as well go somewhere rather than toss and turn all night.”

“Madman,” Dorian said with a nod, chuckling at Roman’s half-tired, half-outraged expression.

“Ha,” he said. “I guess you’re not wrong.”

“You’re sleep deprived,” Logan said. 

“Eh,” Dorian waved his hand, which had a yellow glove on it that Logan hadn’t noticed before. “Same difference, right Roman?”

“Falsehood. Just because the majority of a population believes in a fact or observation does not make said fact or observation correct. For example, the geocentric theory was believed by the majority in some places for hundreds of years, until science proved them wrong.” Logan crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “Therefore, your statement is invalid.”

“I’m not following,” Roman mumbled. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Dorian locked eyes with Logan and grinned again. “This has been much more invigorating than I had expected...I like you,” he announced. 

“Just like that?” another voice asked. 

“Patton!” Logan spun around, and the waiter tilted his head at him. “You...you startled me.”

“Oh, sorry!” Patton held up his hands, still smiling cheerfully (how did he do that at this hour, anyways?). “It’s just me! My other customers left, so you guys are the only ones still in here.”

“You’re bored,” Dorian stated, and Patton nodded. 

“Welcome to the table.”

“What is it with you and inviting people to a table that’s not yours?” Logan asked as he scooted aside for Patton to take a seat next to him. “Some people would consider that to be bad manners, you know.”

“You’re not ‘some people,’ however, so that statement is redundant.”

“...Fair point.”

“You guys are insane,” Roman said again. 

“Everything is insane depending on how you look at it.” Dorian looked at his empty iced tea, then shrugged and grabbed another fry. 

“Do you want a refill?” Patton asked. 

“I’d like that.”

“Can I have hot chocolate?” Roman looked up from where he’d been staring at Dorian’s gloves, tilting his head slightly. 

“Sure!” Patton got up and quickly disappeared into the back room, returning a few minutes later with the ordered items. Roman sipped at his hot chocolate and nodded. 

“This is good,” he announced loudly as he set his mug down. “Good hot chocolate.”

“A real philosopher, are you?” Dorian asked with an amused look. 

“No philosophy, only chocolate.” Roman hugged his mug close to him and began whispering something at it. Logan raised an eyebrow. 

“So...you wish to debate?” he asked slowly, locking eyes with Dorian. 

“Pick a topic,” Dorian answered, leaning back against the booth. “Whatever you want.” 

“Oooh, this is gonna be fun!” Patton grinned, reaching for a fry and munching on it while he watched. Logan leaned back in his seat as well; looking at Dorian; considering his offer. 

“Human morality,” he said at last. “Tell me your opinion.”

“You choose a fascinating topic. Kudos to you.” Dorian sipped at his new glass of iced tea. 

“It’s useless and we’re all gonna die,” said a new voice. 

“Did I advertise a party over here?” Logan looked over at the new voice, who belonged to a grumpy-looking character with purple-dyed hair and eyeshadow-smudged cheeks.

"Hey Virgil!" Patton said cheerfully. "What brings you here from the back?"

"Boredom," was the answer. Virgil pointed at Roman. "And that idiot's shouting."

"You just don't understand chocolate," Roman declared, looking up from his mug. Virgil rolled his eyes and adjusted the patch jacket around his shoulders. 

"Scoot," he said to Patton, who obligingly moved over so he could sit. Logan made a face as he retreated to the corner of his booth to make room, but didn't object.

What a night this was turning out to be.

"As I was saying," Dorian said, waving a gloved hand in the air as he spoke. “Morality. That certainly has a fascinating role in society, does it not? After all, without it we wouldn’t have a society.”

“And we’d all be dead,” Virgil added. Dorian glared at him. 

“Not my point.”

“You believe that morality is necessary to form a society?” Logan asked. 

“I believe it is necessary to form a society such as the ones we humans live in, yes.” 

“Fascinating.” Logan leaned back against his booth, automatically reaching up a hand to fidget with his tie. 

“Mmmm...chocolate,” Roman murmured into his mug. 

“I mean, think about it,” Dorian continued, glancing at Roman but ignoring his dramatic proclamation. “Without morality, we would have no system of justice, which can only logically produce anarchy. The system of ‘strongest wins all’ would be the only system, larger governments couldn’t possibly form, and so on and so forth. Morality is necessary for the existence of society, and also beneficial to those who know how to exploit it.”

“Which is why it is not the groundwork of society, but a mere addition,” Logan cut in. “After all, society cannot exist without structure, no matter how advanced the morals of its citizens are. Logically, people will naturally come together for the benefit of the group, and a system of justice would arise by itself in order to preserve the good of the many. Therefore, morality isn’t necessary for justice at all; rather, it can actually hinder it due to the actions of those with morals that are considered to be ‘bad.’” He leaned forward and took a sip from his tea with a smirk, watching Dorian for a reaction. The other man grinned at him for the third time that night. 

“Well done, Logan,” he said. “I applaud you.” He raised an eyebrow. “So, you believe morals are unnecessary?” 

“They are for me.” At last, Logan himself grinned, sliding the bill over to Dorian and standing up. 

“Checkmate.”

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/02 NXT 11/04 NXT UK 11/05 Smackdown 11/06

Raw:

Alexa just says, “he could be here,” then starts laughing. She’s like a walking red flag.

Love the difference in ‘play’ and ‘pain’, and I love how she’ll wave with either one depending on her intentions. Interesting to note that she’s left-handed, so every time she uses her right for ‘play’ it is absolutely a conscious decision.

Great editing to have Alexa disappear.

Randy’s got a hard life rn lmao.

Mandy and Dana’s gear looks fantastic.

Wow Lana is hella ballsy coming out there during their tag match.

Mandy Rose trying to use Octopus stretch? What an interesting world we live in.

I understand that Dana and Mandy might want the tag titles, I’m just not sure it’s wise to be fighting your future teammates ahead of SvS :/

Dana and Mandy do good team work, I just wish they’d work on the timing for their synchronized cartwheel + kick combo.

Pretty suplex, Shayna. Shayna’s probably the nicest most harmless bull you’ve ever seen. I become more and more of a fan every week.

Damn Mandy plays perfect defense but Shayna kicked out. Good teamwork though.

So Lana’s a face now because Nia and Shayna are assholes who have been tormenting her for like 7ish weeks? Do I have that right?

Oh sad, Lana accidentally screwed Dana and Mandy out of winning the titles. Ahhhh this is why Lana has no friends.

Lmfaooo. “What cuz [Lana’s] a little butthurt that I put her through a table?” “You put Lana through six tabl--” “I TOLD you NOT to say her name in my presence.” pffftt bye.

Weak finish to that promo. Hella rude to threaten to end someone’s career though, Nia. Hella rude.

I love Alexa’s enthusiasm when she’s the Firefly Funhouse version of herself.

Bro what the fuck. Christ these always have so much to digest.

I don’t... I don’t know what exactly her trick is... was that blood? Are we going for blood? That didn’t look like blood. It looked like melted fucking organs or something (or melted down candy/licorice/gelatin but let’s not get meta and ruin the fun)

I love the contacts. That’s an interesting look that I wish she’d carry on in her present day matches once she transforms into her evil, alternate self. Also noted that he used his ‘heal’ hand to turn her into the blood spitting, warped version... and I think it was the same last time, right? Was it his ‘heal’ hand last time? What does that mean in his eyes??

These are such a mindfuck ever since she joined his Funhouse. That’s not a complaint.

Why are they having Nia fight in 2 matches tonight? Why couldn’t they push this off a week?

First off, I really don’t like Lacey and Peyton together, and I’m actually quite fond of Lacey. She’s not the best worker, but she’s a fantastic entertainer, and that deserves much more respect than a random tag team with Peyton Royce.

Second, LOL at Shayna immediately clearing off the announce table. This is gonna be tragic and unfair. If I’m Lana, why the hell would I accept this match? Ego? WHAT EGO DOES LANA HAVE lol. This should be pointless in her eyes.

Lana your bravery isn’t gonna get you shit. Is Asuka gonna come out? Cuz that’s the only way you survive this.

Normally you won’t hear me cry about no selling like the dumbass iwc, but Lana did a pretty fucking high worked kick and should’ve nailed Nia in the side of the head/neck. Why wasn’t there a reaction to that? Lame. That should’ve stunned Nia at the very least. Made her flinch? Anything??

LMAO Nia just called her a pathetic piece of crap. Rolling.

Nia breaks up the pinfall attempt on Lana herself x2. Fantastic heel work. Don’t see that enough.

Peep the red marks on Lana’s back. Sad.

Fuck man, table number 7. That’s... that’s sad. Pretty bummed that NOBODY will come help her. 7 fucking times, whew.

Having a lot of the women appear multiple times tonight. Looking at how the Raw women’s division is being booked, I gotta say, SD is kinda over-bloated.

Oh cool I can actually see Alexa’s white tattoo on her shoulder blade in this lighting.

Nikki I’d advise you to not speak ill of the fiend. Also lesbireal, you iced her out the second you didn’t win the title against Bayley all those months ago.

Fucking LOVE those contacts why weren’t they a permanent part of her look as this version???

Highlight: Firefly Funhouse

---

NXT:

Ahh I love Dakota and Raquel’s matching colors.

Tbf, Dakota is a stepping stone, she just SHOULDN’T be cuz she’s way too good for that.

Dakota is so fucking scrawny. I really hope she isn’t just deemed a jobber on the MR. She needs to keep that speed up or bulk up a little.

lolol you know what Ember, you fucked around and ate a ringpost. Serves you right.

Nice armbar, Dakota. Now sit up and lock in the dis-arm-her (she won’t)

Dakota’s leading this match, peeped that call.

Ember’s suicide dive is so vicious. Like a missile straight up impaling her opponent.

LOL Dakota dodged the second. Again serves you right, the double suicide dive is Seth’s move.

Damn Dakota fucking NAILED her with that kick upside the head. You seeing stars Ember? Cuz you should be seeing stars. That was NOT a thigh slapper, that had an audible pop.

Yeahhh Dakota is absolutely the face in this match and you cannot tell me different. Ember’s arrogance is infuriating. Girl legit failed on the MR and she comes down there with an ego (in kf) tf outta here.

Love how people in nxt are constantly trying to use the Bank Statement but it NEVER looks as good as Sasha’s. Take a hint.

Love how Dakota utilizes these arm bars, that’s so random to me, has she always used submissions? Probably.

Why are we showing Ember dramatically hulk up like I care?

“This is Ember’s law” WHAT IS EMBER’S LAW FFS

HAHA atta girl Dakota, atta girl. That’s the homie, good for you. Fuck Ember’s law.

Shotzi PLEASE I could actually like you if you didn’t make me want to punch my 27″ monitor every time you fucking howled.

Also why you’d ever choose to face Toni over Rhea is beyond me but whatever.

This is not a whole new Toni Storm. You’re the friggin same. Ember has changed more than you and she didn’t even have a heel turn.

And why is the term ‘stepping stone’ being shoved down my throat this week?

Interesting that Io has chosen to tie things up with Rhea, but that’s to be expected. See now, if I was wwe, I would’ve called up Rhea immediately after this title match took place, but I already know that doesn’t happen.

Odd that they never show footage of Charlotte when they play back clips of In Your House. Triple h really that salty that she beat Rhea? Fuck man, Rhea needed that loss. Did her good.

Io: “I’m not afraid of Nightmare” I liked that.

“2020 has been complete trash,” what a babyface line by Rhea tbh.

Rhea idk when you’ll get to hold the gold again, but it’s not gonna be anytime soon. Your best hope is that you’ll win the Royal Rumble. Your second best hope is that they’ll move you to Raw and at some point in 2021, you can potentially make the Raw women’s championship meaningful again... what with it being devalued to hell since Becky left. Your realistic hope says maybe you can hold it by the time SummerSlam 2022 rolls around.

oof Shotzi’s big mad lmao. At least we skipped her lengthy entrance and that stupid howl.

Ohhhh nooooo Shotzi botched a vault like 20 seconds in. Oh man that wasn’t even just ugly, she fucking wiped out. Yikes. Yikes. Go back to the pc hun, practice that a couple dozen times more, cuz that’s the type of shit that’s gonna keep you down in nxt.

“you gotta wonder where [Shotzi’s] mind is” sure... sure...

Oh the tank’s a nod to her cousin in the military, interesting.

That cannonball was way too high anyway, Shotzi. You were never gonna make impact with that.

Holy shit Shotzi looks sloppy as fuck tonight. Usually it’s her ring work that I compliment, but good lord. Out here looking like the low card.

“Shotzi Blackheart just has not been herself so far in this one,” no this is practically a carry.

Yikes these restholds. Awful match. Do a Storm Zero and call it a night.

Christ and Shotzi fumbles on Toni’s Northern Lights Suplex. Mk.

“This match has certainly lived up to the hype” wow then y’all have LOW expectations.

No she didn’t get all of the ddt, and she could’ve ended her damn career with a dumb move like that for some throwaway tv match. Holy shit she’s such an extreme indie performer.

WOW so we sit through this long ass dreadful fuck up of a match, do a potential career ending move, then the ref just... stops counting cuz ???? and Candice pops up on screen just to get Shotzi’s attention. Hello? WHAT IS THIS TRAINWRECK. Negative 8 points to Shotzi and Candice (just because I don’t like Candice) and plus 3 to Toni for having to deal with this bullshit on her second match in nxt.

Dumb. Toni should’ve been counted out, and she should’ve been allowed to hit Shotzi with a finisher. Dumb.

lmao fuck that tank. I don’t even like Candice, either. gg. Plus 2 points.

I thought Toni was a heel? Lame. Negative 2 points for continuity.

If Xia says the letters from her family are personal, then they’re personal. Leave her the fuck alone, tmz.

Xia vs Raquel?? Lol good luck man.

Highlight: Dakota vs Ember

---

NXT UK:

Ah a squash match for Jinny, mk.

This girl looks ridiculous.

Nice impact on the Irish Whip into the corner.

Lol no selling Jinny’s stomps, ooookay.

Jinny has this aggressive wrestling style, but I feel like Bayley could toss her around lmao.

Someone give me a dollar every time Jinny calls her ‘stupid’ so I can buy a new car.

Kay so this James girl is hella athletic, that’s nice.

Rolling lightning kick? That’s your finish?? A recklessly blind heel kick while somersaulting??? Alllright, anyway.

lol plz, you’re no queen.

Ah yes a match I have ZERO interest in: Piper vs Jinny. Give KLR a squash match, I’m bored.

SPEAKING OF MY UK QUEEN

Jeeze look at KLR’s arms. Whew.

She’s so much more entertaining than the rest of the division, holy hell.

LOL KLR. Look at her sell that fear. What a fucking performer, goodbye. All the points to KLR.

Piper, KLR’s hair is way too fucking gorgeous for you to be pulling her around by it. The blatant disrespect. And you dare touch her title? Rude. RUDE.

Highlight: KLR existing

---

Smackdown:

Great video package but I have to highlight the way Sasha just sat there against the ropes staring at Bayley for what, 2 minutes? Before even acknowledging she had won the title. That was fantastic.

What’s funny is I watched their hiac match live cuz I wasn’t sure Sasha would actually win, but I never bothered with this one, because I KNEW Sasha’s curse had been broken. I knew it’d be against Bayley that she’d retain her title for the first time.

kekekek Bayley’s so fucking obnoxious.

Beautiful opening sequences. Not often can people do that particular sequence with Sasha, I think I’ve only seen Becky do it on the MR (could be mistaken)

Nice baseball slide while pulling Bayley’s ankle off the apron. Smooth af.

Jeeesus Bayley launched Sasha into the air just for Sasha to smack the apron and crash hard on the floor. Points to everyone.

Bayley playing gassed as if she’s actually tired, when we all know this girl’s stamina is aces above the rest.

Beautiful elbow drop to Bayley as she’s hanging off the apron.

Bayley sort of no sells the backstabber and goes for a messy Bayley to belly as Sasha counters into her Bank Statement. The idea for that sequence was there, the execution was not.

Oh shit Bayley hit her with the Eddie Guerrero swerve that didn’t pan out, and then popped a backstabber on her. Lmao nice.

Sasha kicks out of a Bayley to belly and flying elbow. Guess we’re showcasing her resilience as a champion. Solid.

Bayley’s so fucking fast. I love watching her wrestle when she’s not spending all of her time on the defense, holy shit.

Lmao now Bayley has her in the Bank Statement. Nobody does it like Sasha though, and there’s why.

Great match, great match. Real treat. Le curse is finally broken.

Peeped Sasha kicked her in the face on the apron, just as Bayley did when she turned on her. Nice storytelling. I enjoyed the in ring stuff with these 2, but holy shit I’m glad this feud’s over.

Man oh man do I hate Mella’s lipstick lol. I do, however, like her as Sasha’s first opponent.

Nattie: “I shouldn’t have been put in that triple threat match,” Also Nattie: “I think we should do a triple threat match,” Is ‘crazy cat lady’ ALWAYS going to be Nattie’s gimmick?

I really hate seeing other women besides Charlotte wearing Gucci, and I know that’s fucking insane but it is what it is.

This should’ve been on the show, wtf wwe. 

Do the commentators not know what’s fucking happening lol?

The speed of this is as if they were told they have 3 mins, make everyone shine.

Just watched a match where Charlotte hit a Natural Selection on Nattie while Nattie had the Sharpshooter applied to someone, and she bumped it perfectly. Why that Running Bulldog looked atrocious, I’ll never know.

Should’ve given me the video explaining why this match is happening. Did Sasha and Bayley go over time? Dumb that this was so rushed.

hahaha Nattie got fucked out of 2 svs team qualifying matches in a row. That’s hilarious.

Highlight: Bayley vs Sasha

---

*Raw shined the brightest as a whole, but Bayley vs Sasha was the star segment of the week.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #76

“yeah, you’re a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good.”

do you ever think about what went wrong in your last relationship? we each made mistakes, and i feel more certain of this now that jason and i have talked. i, for one, gave up on life while still being alive. on jason's end, he, too, gave up on me instead of trying to rebuild me. do you know your best friend’s middle name? yes, colleen. she goes by her middle name, but her "real" name is elizabeth. you have to get a piercing, what do you get? vertical labret on my lip. would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? a standard poodle. ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs? no. mom denies it and got pissed once when i mentioned it, but we once lived in sharpsburg, and that was totally the ghetto. do you own a gun? as i'm mentally ill/have had suicidal tendencies, i legally can't. my mother even can't because i live with her. would you rather sleep with someone or alone? with someone. while it's less comfortable, it's comforting. are there any songs that remind you of falling snow? or any songs that remind you of winter time but are not necessarily about that? dude, i have noooo idea why, but for whatever reason, "dreamer" by ozzy osbourne definitely brings to mind winter for me personally. is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? hmmm, i don't think so... but then again, i live under a rock and am not informed on what's coming out so- wAIT IS OUTLAST 2 OUT YET what is something you wish you had learned earlier that you know now? how would this have helped you if you'd known it then? i don't know if there's anything, honestly... i used to say i wish i'd known jason would leave me, but i guess i don't now. because i loved, beyond explanation. i loved with such a naive innocence, and i don't regret that. when you’re interested in someone, do you let them know? according to my history, i do. what was the last compliment you received? someone liked my hair. i got compliments on it non-stop at the hospital. do you have any siblings? are they older / younger? 
 including half-siblings, tiffany, misty, bobby, katie, and ashley are older. nicole is younger. have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? it has been pierced before, and i plan on doing it again very soon. favorite shoes you have EVER owned? the finding nemo once i had as a kid were fly as FUCK allergic to? pollen and silver favorite fruit? strawberries who was your first prom date? jason where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent’s house? i lived with jason, amanda, and jacob. if you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? in almost all cases, yes. the only situation where i wouldn't is if i was with jason at this very moment and he wanted to have sex, and he didn't have any. just apply the pull out method, and besides that, i shouldn't be ovulating right now, so i wouldn't get pregnant. do you think it’s bad to have sex at your age? no, i'm an adult. have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? i sure have. how long do you think you will live? eh, probably early 80s, maybe even 70s... i'm not the healthiest person, mentally and physically. have you ever been stung by a bee? i have not. do you like the snow? very much so. how old are you? do you feel as old as you are? i am 21, but i certainly don't feel it. does the quality of a video, on youtube or a television, matter to you? at least very mildly, sure. it needs to be watchable at least. do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? is it a little bit of both? i tend to embrace my mood with the music i pick. are there any books or films that have influenced your philosophy? if so, is there one you could name in particular? "johnny got his gun," i r8 8/8 what is the cutest animal? meerkat pups, oh my GOSH what seasons seems most fitting to your personality? in what ways and why? autumn, because everything is dying. :'D do you think you would be a good parent? i don't know, honestly... blue, black, or red pens; or another color? black do you like watching people play video games? yes, i do!! idk why, it's just entertaining to me. when was the last time you swam in a pool?  years ago what are your parents views on sex? err, in regards to what about it exactly? have you ever babysat before? yeah, for the neighbor. if your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away what would you do?  i'd be pretty devastated, honestly. if your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do?  well that'd be a problem, as she's married to a man. i'd be pretty concerned about what she'd do. have you ever dreamed about your wedding? i have. do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of facebook? nope. j and my pictures are still up there. ever plaigarised? no. i have too much respect as a writer. do you edit your profile pictures before posting them?  i do minor adjustments, of course. i was a digital photography student, we know aaall about the mandatory deception of editing. :P what's your middle name?  marie what's your wallpaper on your phone? lock screen is the bogeyman from "silent hill: downpour," but the artwork is from "anne's story." home screen is pyramid head from the white hunter comic. favorite tv commercial? the dirty mr. clean commercial mAKES ME SOB YA'LL SHOULDA SEEN ME THE OTHER DAY I WAS DONE what is your favorite type of cat?  hmmm. persians, sphinxes, ragdoll, etc... what religion were you raised in? are you still that religion, if you had one? catholicism, and no. i'm christian now. would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? nooooo. how many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears?  once. do you prefer to spend more time with your SO, family, or friends? why? in my history, my s.o. jason really just touched this part of my brain that just REALLY made me happy. if you see a homeless person asking for money, do you give them any? i'm not going to lie, no. i don't know that person, and WAY too many assholes are deceptive little shits. what will immediately disqualify a potential SO?  smoking, doing drugs, excessive drinking, abusive past, and i'm certain there are others i'm forgetting... i am honestly VERY picky. when was the last time you really panicked? when i overdosed a few days back. do you ever get eczema? nope. have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight? i have not. is there anyone you would do literally anything for?  honestly, yes. i'd kill for jason. it's very unhealthy and i wish the mentality would stop, but i honestly can't do much about it... do you enjoy corn on the cob?  i do. in your opinion, what's the ideal age to start having children? about mid-20s. what's the longest you've ever slept in one go? it HAD to be almost 12 hours. jason and i were up almost the entire night being horny whores and when i fell asleep, i was GONE. have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? no. does caffeine affect you, or not so much?  not very much at all. would you ever want to follow down the career path of your parents? no. but then again, they both dropped out of/didn't go to college, so... guess i'm not too far off. do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? *sexual moaning* if you have any tattoos, do you reckon you might regret them when you get older and have children? i sure won't. is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? what? just gonna say there's a reason they're divorced. do you act differently around the person you like? i mean, i'm happier. kissed someone you didn’t like?  on the cheek, never on the lips. ran a red light? no. experienced love at first sight?  nope. pointed a gun at someone?  no. had a gun pointed at you? no. dumped someone?  yep. lied to avoid a ticket? no. ridden in a helicopter? no. made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? i woulda preferred you to rip my fucking heart out. eaten snake?  omg no. puked on amusement ride?  no. been in a band? nope. been in handcuffs? i've been in full-body shackles on one occasion. i was going from the mental hospital to the court. what is your favorite breakfast food? pancakes. who do you (romantically) love? my ex, jason. do you enjoy kissing?  sure, yeah. what about making out? i r8 8/8 m8 where are you most ticklish? MY FEET HOLY SHIT where do you want to get married? gothic-styled mansion or similar building pls do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? yes. have you ever slow danced to a song you didn't know? no. if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? south africa. i want to photograph the meerkats at the kalahari meerkat project. describe your perfect partner. his name's jason. would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf? vampire, i think. the werewolf transformation seems painful. most embarrassing moment?  borderline having a panic attack because i was like really close to having an orgasm for the first time and i didn't understand what was happening to my body lmao. jason was super cute and sweet about it though and helped me calm down. would you ever consider getting married?  i want to get married. if it were possible, what exotic animal would you keep as a pet? if it weren't so bad for them, i'd totally have a meerkat. what is your least favorite thing about your appearance?  my stomach. ew. have you ever had a bonfire on the beach?  no, but that sounds cool. do you listen to music while driving?  it has to be VERY quiet. or else i can't concentrate. have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity?  no. can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? i have. is there a certain color of eyeshadow you prefer, if you wear eyeshadow? black as my soul. would you ever do something you didn't enjoy sexually just to please your partner? depends on what, really. like there are some situations where i'd absolutely draw the line, but here's an example: i don't like oral, but i guess i'd give it sometimes if it made him happy. when was the last time you watched south park?  probably not since j and i were together... i remember one occasion where we chilled in my room for hours watching it. are you italian? no. where’s the nearest game stop near you?  in rocky mount, by wal-mart. do you have any best friends that you only know online? i guess i still consider mini at least a very close friend, despite not talking much. i have other very close friends too, but not best, i guess. if you could, would you want to stay young forever? yes. being elderly is just, in general, inconvenient. not saying old people are, just the state of being old is. are you interested in anime? no more, no less than the usual person. hogwarts house: just took a quiz, and apparently i'm a mix of all? i very well coulda been off, 'cuz there was a lot of harry potter terminology that i don't know... what’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  do. not. hit me aggressively. main thing. hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em?  i enjoy getting 'em, enjoy giving 'em. are you okay with rough sex?  hell yeah. i think i'd prefer soft and sensual more frequently, but i'm not totally opposed to just fucking. how big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? was it in a porn or in real life?  this survey sure took a sexual turn. but i've only ever seen one penis, so... how do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying?  nO JUST NO do you have any sexual regrets? i regret not going all the way with j. he was my first love, and he deserved to know me in every single way possible. have you had anal?  no, and i don't want it. do you like to spank/be spanked? i like being spanked, but not too hard. do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? tEASE TEASE TEEEEEAAAAAASE are you able to have emotionless sex? fuck that. sex should be the epitome of physical displays of affection, imo. does penis size really matter?  honest to god, i don't care. it's not like a man can choose how "well-off" he is. describe an orgasm. oh wow. i don't actually think i've ever properly orgasmed, but i was extremely close once and totally panicked. it felt totally otherworldly, and i honestly felt like screaming, puking, and just exploding all at once??? i was so scared at first, but as i calmed down, shit was awesome. what’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? never had sex, but done sexual things for hours... like, all night. if you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you? i would change the fact i didn't lose my virginity to jason. what’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking? anr/abf surprised the FUCK out of me. i honestly thought it'd be really awkward and uncomfortable, but it's honestly an extremely stimulating and motherly sensation okay i'll stop before this turns into a pornish thing. but basically it taught me ya can't totally judge some things 'til you try it. give your best sex advice, GO. uhhh. ever tried sucking on your partner's tongue while making out? turned my ex the fuck on, at least. would you say you’re good in bed?  have evidence i was good enough. do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? why? i just choked on my fucking drink. but no, because i like air. when it comes to oral, are you gentle? do you use your hands too?  i. was so. timid giving oral. i was so scared i was going to hurt him. i don't think i've ever used my hands at the same time. okay, how do you feel about handjobs? since we were stuck with foreplay due to my abstinence, we relied on handjobs a lot. they're great. have you had any unwanted pain during sex? i've had pain while being fingered, sure. but i guess it wasn't entirely unwanted. has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? how did you feel about that? no, never. have you ever fucked someone who was sad? did it help them emotionally or make it worse?  i'm sure i have, and he's done it to me when i was sad plenty of times, and yes, it's honestly a great mood booster. are you more submissive or dominant? i'm definitely more submissive. who’s your ideal sexual partner?  jason was nothing short of perfect. are you accepting “applications” for a partner? lmao fuck that i don't do no "applications" for this kinda shit. who was your first kiss with? first person to kiss me was juan, but the first person i kissed who reciprocated my kiss was jason. how far have you gone sexually? depends on how you rank sexual things, idk...? did you shave your legs today? done with the sexual questions, eh? anyway, no. have you ever made out with someone in public at all? no. do you think masturbation is dirty? not necessarily dirty, just lustful. have you ever made out in a hot tub? *adds to bucket list* do you play with the other persons hair when you kiss? jason had long hair for a male, to his shoulders, and yeah, i liked playing with it. have you ever smoked pot? nope. do you sing in front of people? NOOOOO. ever lived in a trailer park? no. have you ever had dandruff? no, but i have a dry scalp. though both cause flaking, they're still different. what would people say about you at your funeral?  i was very quiet and thought too much. what lessons in life did you learn to hard way? your actions have consequences. would you ever give up your life to save another?  i'm not going to pretend to be a superhero. it depends on who it is. what is stopping you from living the life you want to live?  money, health, willpower... ever held a newborn animal? kittens, yes. how do you dress when you’re not at work? i don't have a job, so. but when i'm home anyway, i'm dressed for comfort, usually in my pajamas. if i'm going out, i will dress usually in something like yoga pants and a graphic tee. do you care overly about other people? the only person i'd say i care "overly" about is jason. what was your favorite pokemon as a child? charmander (: do you know what the heck the difference is between the statements “we’re just dating” and “we’re together”?   technically the same in my honest opinion, but at the same time, "we're dating" also sounds more casual. if a person is brought up speaking both spanish and english in equal amounts and equally fluently, which language do they think in?   *KA-BOOM* have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?   it was pierced for many years, and i'm planning on getting it re-pierced very soon. last film you watched?   i just finished "finding dory" actually, now i'm watching "zootopia." when consuming a beverage that comes in a can, do you prefer to drink it directly from the can or do you pour it into a cup?   i like to drink it from the can.  tastes sliiightly different and is colder. what do you do to cure a headache?   sleep or take medicine. do you still possess any belongings from your childhood? do they hold some special significance?   absolutely.  i actually have two things i call "treasure boxes" where i hold certain, very special belongings.  nostalgia overdose. are any of your fingers or toes deformed? what about the nails?   no.  i would, however, call one of my nails unusual.  my right ring finger, its nail curves inward towards the base definitely more than it should.  it's so weird considering both my immediate sisters have it, too. when yawning, do you cover your mouth?   always in public, yes.  it just seems polite. as a kid, did you love playing on neopets?   neopets and webkinz were my SHIT.  i was more into webkinz, but neopets was amazing, too.  i loved the dragon one and the newer one that looked like a doggish thing with a stripe going down its body?  i think it started with an "x"? what is the background on your desktop? why’d you choose that?   on my own laptop, it's trico and the boy from "the last guardian" bc i love that game and its artwork.  on the laptop i've been using for like three months, it's a picture of my sister ashley and her baby aubree at the beach. are you comfortable with people going through your phone?   no, and i don't know why, actually...?  like i have NOTHING bad on there, it's just... weird? do you tend to daydream a lot? if so, about what?   i do, aaaaa lot.  aaand it's always about jason. e_e have any interesting conversations lately?   ohhh god.  not necessarily a convo, but lemme just make this known. chelsea: *creates fire w/ hairspray and lighter* *screams ensue* YOU ALMOST MADE ME COME HARDER THAN JASON EVER HAS then came the laughter and the stomachache from all the heaving what do you have pierced on you?   now?  only my ear lobes, and i'm livid about it.  i had to take my fucking piercings out at the hospital, and they closed up.  my ear lobes didn't tho, i guess 'cuz i've had them since childhood... but i am actually pissed. where do your grandparents live?   maternal: well, she technically lives in florida, but stays in new york with her son's family a load.  paternal: michigan. pencils; mechanical or traditional?   mechanical, by far.  eliminates the need to sharpen. what was the last zoo/aquarium you went to?   asheboro zoo or whatever it's called. what is the last big risk you took? did it pay off?   talking to jason face-to-face, absofuckinglutely.  that could've so easily ended in another suicide attempt.  but anyway, yes, it paid off. what's the closest you've come to death?   overdosing, i guess. what chocolate is your favorite?   milk who is your favorite blogger?  i don't really have one. what was the best thing you were given?  jason's love and attention, even if just for three and a half years of my life. have you ever cheated on your partner?  nope. are you over your past?  not in the slightest. did you try to change for a person?  ha.  he left too soon to give me a chance. e_e are you in a good or bad mood?   eh, i'm good for now. name someone you can’t live without.   no one.  after losing jason, well, i'm sure i can survive without anyone, ultimately. are you a crybaby?   10/10 do people praise you for your looks?   no. SEXIEST disney character that's not human?   okay sorrynotsorry but scar and steele are SEXY do you believe in the phrase “if it’s meant to be, it will be”?  ha!  no, sorry.  i refuse to believe jason and i weren't "meant to be." what do you put on hotdogs?  ketchup and mustard do you know how to play chess?   no. did you/are you going to go to prom?  i went to jason's senior and my senior.  man... i remember how shy he was when he asked me... it was so cute. :/ what’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? having a pilonidal cyst opened and drained while still conscious and insufficiently drugged.  FUCK THAT. what’s the most emotionally/mentally painful thing you’ve ever experienced?   jason leaving me. have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life?   not to my knowledge. are you a very open or private person?   open online, private af irl what do you get complimented on the most?  my hair who was the last person you talked about sex with?  chelsea or colleen what was the last deep conversation you had about?   jason.  i was talking with chelsea. why do some girls become so dependent on their boyfriend/husband?   well, i, for one, was rather dependent on jason, and it was because i needed a pillar, and he was strong, but i guess i put too much weight on him... i had no fucking idea it was too much.  as well, it was because i am not an independent person.  i'm a follower and act like a dog on a leash towards the people i trust.  it's simply my desire to be a loyal companion.  i don't know how to change that. do you enjoy going to church?   i do, but not for TOO long. what do you have tattoos of/what do you want tattoos of?   oh god.  you asked for it.  as for tats i have, i have a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist, "perfectly flawed" written on my left, upper arm, and "ohana" written on my right collarbone.  as for what i want, i have about 100 ideas, but i'm going to only list the ones i am quite serious about.  my next tat is of "denialism" by da's tatchit, and it's going on my right upper arm as a half-sleeve.  here's the list: - "... and you ain't got his smile" written maybe under my left breast.  it's a harley quinn quote, and i want it as dedication to jason.  which no, i will not regret. - the magic sigil thing from "shadow of the colossus" somewhere - either a pyramid head, robbie the rabbit, or halo of the sun tat to pay tribute to "silent hill" - "he who knows pain is dangerous" written somewhere, which is a rammstein lyric, in either english or maybe german - spider sternum tattoo - a hydra coming towards the viewer with "from slave to master, i've become the hydra" (otep lyric) written in a semi-circle above it.  i honestly want this on my lower stomach, like, starting above my private, but i most likely will not do this.  still thinking of where to relocate it. - "i believe what doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger" written somewhere, a quote from the joker. - "how long is forever?" "sometimes, just one second" from "alice in the wonderland."  i want the quotes in speech bubbles vertical of each other. - a harley quinn-esque design with "rotten" written on it.  on my right asscheek.  yeah.  talk about slutty lmao. - a large viper on one of my hips. - three sketch-style arrows going down my left lower arm - "once upon a time, i ripped the wings from my spine, but when i hide inside your eyes, i still pretend that i can fly" (otep lyric) written along my spine I HAVE SO MUCH MORE.  but my phone's dead (i have more ideas on there) and i have even more saved to my dead computer... are most of the adults you know married or divorced?   divorced... it's so sad. :/ when was the last time you were mistaken for a mom?   at therapy some time ago.  mom was with me, and she was babysitting. what is your mom’s and dad’s favorite tv show?   mom's: "the big bang theory," probably.  dad, idk. have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair?   nope do you think buying second hand clothes is gross?   certainly not. does it gross you out when your parents kiss?   well, they're divorced, sooo... does your dad swear?   yeah. do you sweat easily?   i sweat like an obese pig.  it's due to one of my medications. if your last kiss asked you on a date, what would you say?   "absolutely!" when you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like?   no. when was the last time you drank strawberry milk?   elementary school when i tried it for the first time.  absolutely fucking disgusting. do you own a pair of fingerless gloves?   yup.  i was big into that in high school. did you have a good driver’s ed teacher?   he was fine, but i am 100% certain that on one occasion, if i had listened to him, we would have died. if you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first?   ashley's already married, i'll probably never find anyone, so i guess nicole's next. did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss?   like, do you mean did i kiss him the last time i wanted to kiss him?  if so, no.  he barely even let me hug him. when your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else?   it's been over a year and i still don't feel entirely ready. do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? explain.   no, and there's no real need to explain...?  obviously, even young people are capable of sincere love? are you legal to drink?   yep. do you have any dirty pictures on your cellphone?   i do not. what do you want more than anything in this world?   jason. last time you felt physical pain?   earlier today.  my stomach was hurting. last time you felt emotional pain?   i'm clinically depressed.  i live with emotional pain. what are you listening to?   "american horror story" is on.  it's actually a ptsd trigger, so i'm trying to watch it again to like... edit the memory.  i'm doing it with chelsea so i won't be alone. do you like your handwriting?   i do. do you own any dresses? if so, what colors are they?   i do not.  i wish. when was the last time you went tanning?   never. have you ever been in a car accident?   quite a mild one.