#idk why I’m posting myself so much my bad
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Just Dance Highscores I’m proud of
I don’t really talk about playing Just Dance on here because I play it a lot and don’t want to bother you guys with it every time but I just wanted to highlight some of the scores I’m proud of. All will be below the cut to not clog up your dash.
Disclaimer: Now I know that they probably aren’t the highest scores (or the hardest maps) you’ve ever seen BUT I still get to be proud of them (plus I have a coordination disorder so take that).
With that being said feel free to reblog and flex your scores on me. I wish to know them.
List time! Yippie!
🩷 The mega stars (aka the dances I dance to way too much) 🩷
⚡️Girlfriend - 13078 - The first song I 13k’d and still one of my favourite maps
⚡️Treasure - 12904 - I used to be really bad at Treasure compared to LooH, but they kind of flipped one day lol
While we’re on the topic
⚡️Locked out of Heaven - 12681 - The first map I actually took the time to learn the choreo for. Just need to figure out the tracking ig-
⚡️10.000 Luchtballonnen - 12810 - A dutch (Belgian technically) song. Probably the best K3 song on + and maybe even on unlimited.
⚡️Judas - 12699 - Come on, it’s Judas. Can you blame me for being proud.
⚡️Rasputin - 12699 - This is just what my (lack of) rizz has come to. Also may I refer back to the coordination disorder.
⚡️Levitating - 12566 - Si’Ha Nova my beloved 🫶
⚡️Can’t Tame Her - 12536 - LittleSiha, need I say more
⚡️Beggin’ - 12498 - I started out with consistently 3 starring this song and here we are now. Improvements people.
⚡️Disco Inferno - 12275 - I don’t care that its an easy difficulty: I have played this song exactly once. Let me be proud of my beginners luck.
🩵 The super stars (aka maps I am learning or am just mid at) 🩵
⚡️Therefore I Am - 11832 - This map takes a lot of coordination and balance that I do not have.
⚡️Physical - 11733 - As someone who was not active what so ever at the beginning of the year, being this decent at a map like this one is just pretty rewarding
⚡️Canned Heat - 11728 - It’s a Wanderlust song what can I say, we don’t mix well-
⚡️Dark Horse - 11344 - My friend had JD2015 growing up and the most I could get was 4 stars max when I used to play with her so this just heals my inner child.
⚡️Applause/Stage Version - 11307 - It’s an extreme. I am no where near properly touching extremes (like actually consistently doing them). Let me be proud.
⚡️Wannabe/Extreme Version - 11459 - Scored this while dancing against my Kpop friend. She knows the official choreo by heart.
⭐️ The 5 Stars (Songs I do every now and then and choreo’s I live laugh love without being good at them) ⭐️
⚡️Rock ‘n Roll - 10877 - I don’t know if it’s just me or if the tracking on this is just wierd but it’s the highest score I’ve gotten so far so I’m just gonna roll with it lol
⚡️Buttons - 10672 - This map is just difficult for me- idk why-
⚡️Bad Romance/official Choreo - 10521 - Slowly trying my best to learn this one. It’s hard.
⚡️Gimme More - 10421 - Agend D is probably one of my favourite coaches in the game but ngl this is one of the harder mediums imo.
⚡️Can’t Stop The Feeling/Danceverses Prince - 10051 - That I have beef with the smurfs choreo’s doesnt mean I can’t enjoy them and be proud of my scores. He’s just very fast okay-
Sorry for the long post again. It’s just a post I wanted to make for myself. Could I just have noted them down for myself? I already have. Sometimes you just wanna share stuff with the world okay? Before anyone says it 🤫 I know these aren’t the hardest maps out there. That doesn’t matter.
Again, feel free to reblog and flex your own scores. I love seeing people be proud of themselves for accomplishments!
#with a lot I mean that I play it for 2-3 hrs 3 - 4 days of the week lol#i have an addiction#i am aware#jd#just dance#just dance scores#just dance 2024#just dance 2023 edition#just dance fandom
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fit was cute today :3
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decided to torture myself a bit and attempted to doodle canon sal. never doing this again
is this what the people want. boring ass green twink /lh
#i forgot how different my sal is from canon in terms of like. physical appearance#my version is soooo much better 😘 /hj#salad fingers#this sucks soooo fucking bad i’m sorry#i could not bring myself to finish this it is vile#i used up all my energy on my little pony fanart 💔#i can never draw sal’s head right it’s driving me crazy#i have no idea how to draw skinny people either forgive me#i was fighting myself so hard not to add eyelashes… he’s so incomplete without the 2 fat lashes i give him all the time#why did his fingers change sizes in this you may be asking? i have no fucking clue please stop asking questions .#maybe check out the other art i posted earlier it's sm better than this. i love sal but he makes my art shitty for some reason#he's like a curse#i just noticed smth. why does sal look like he’s jacking off in the one doodle ☹️☹️#maybe he is idk#why does this look better than my actual sf art :[#i think it's bc i spent like 10 minutes on the head losies#> rust’s art <
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okay so because previous anons asked about sex, I wanna ask about aftercare, how they act after sex? oh and i’m curious how their sex life change after being together for a while
xoxo <3
their aftercare isn't always aftercare-101, if i'm honest. theo is very bad at it and doesn't really... ever... do that for matthias. and matthias may be very good at giving aftercare but theo is incredibly resistant to it. i mentioned earlier that theo really gets off on praise, but... he also flinches away from it. he's so twisted up about so much of what he wants and he's really, uh... well. he makes it really hard to get close to him and offer comfort despite how much he desires it. matthias can't say certain things without scaring theo off (and i mean, like, theo will quite literally run away), so he has to talk around what he wants to say and what theo needs to hear to prevent theo from bolting before he can bring him down.
matthias takes a long time cleaning theo up and massaging his muscles after, and he'll hum or talk to himself in polish so theo knows he's still there touching him (but isn't stirred before he comes to himself on his own by english he can understand). when he's finished, he'll ask theo very simple yes or no questions that let matthias know how theo's feeling without outright asking how he's feeling. he also checks on theo throughout the day, but he has to be even more subtle there or theo starts to feel smothered. is your body okay? do you want me to get you dressed? does your head hurt? do you want me to read to you? he focuses on asking about the physical and what theo wants to do rather than theo’s emotions. matthias has learned that asking if theo's feeling okay after is a quick way to trigger a very, very negative response in theo. it's one of the reasons why i think matthias is constantly asking theo in the heat of sex how he's feeling, because that's when theo is so preoccupied by the physical aspect that the emotional effects leak out without him fighting to keep them in. it takes a few months for theo to get comfortable with the feelings he has after sex with him before matthias can really give him proper aftercare. that’s why the sex they have early on is never anything too crazy. matthias coaxes theo into a better place first.
i also think it’s important to clarify that it’s not like they’re always having kinky sex. still, theo usually needs physical touch after vanilla sex as well. matthias himself always craves conversation afterwards, so he waits for theo to stir awake (because he often falls asleep after sex) or come back into his body fully to talk to him.
as for changes to their sex life after they’ve been together for awhile… i believe i've talked about this before, but their sexual dynamic turns on its head after a few years. theo starts to take control of the reins and gets more comfortable asking for and doing what he wants. with theo he just has a lot holding him back and it's only after he's grown as a person and worked past a majority of his intimacy issues that he can act on the desires he's been burying waaay down. there's a sort of brattiness that theo starts to have a lot of fun with during sex—a lot of pushing and prodding, withholding, insulting... matthias is having the time of his life lmao, like he loves being challenged and pushed around. matthias takes on a more submissive role during sex as they age, which is fun for him. plus it's kind of the dynamic they've always had outside of sex anyway. of course, there are never any set roles in their sexual life so i'm not saying that it's always like that, but theo enjoys telling matthias what to do and how to do it. they have a lot of fun with it.
#river dipping#asks#anonymous#oc extras#nsft#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#a burning house to live in#echthroi#finally done..... actually patting myself on the back for being able to answer all of these in a day and a half like#normally being asked anything abt my ocs takes me forever to get to bc i just take everything so seriously#......................................exhibit a: this reply jnjhkjfnghk#my ocs are just really complicated so i feel like i have to really expand upon each new bit of information#like theo is NOT ! well adjusted in the slightest#and while matthias can read people very easily it doesn't mean that there aren't times where he messes up#theo is very closed off and he will lash out at the slightest thing that spooks him#and he also... is not really experienced in having good sex yk? so he's so bad at aftercare which i guess is like. well.#good thing your partner is someone who's used to being left to his own devices after experiencing major physical and emotional stressors#matthias can usually take himself out of a scene just because of the nature of his past...#but i think theo does pick up on what matthias does for him after awhile and he tries incorporating it into 'aftercare'#but................. i don't think he really understands what all he should be saying and doing for a few years like not until he's#domming matthias more frequently and has taken the time to look at The Internet lmao jkfjnhkjn i imagine it shocks him a bit#matthias may be good at sex but he does have his blind spots and those normally involve himself… so he never told theo that what he does#for him should be reciprocated………… additionally matthias is very much a giver not a taker#like he doesn’t expect or even really want theo to ask how he’s feeling. but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need that.#….have been rereading this for the last thirty minutes idk why this is what i’m like Yikes ! about responding to 😭#whatever post ‼️ theo isn’t good at sex i’ve said it before who can be surprised he gives zero aftercare
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ok i’m gonna set an alarm but it is not the end of the world if i miss the lecture tomorrow
#i am quite frankly concerned by my attendance. i am not academic weaponing it up. i am being academically attacked#it’s fine it’s fine. i always get caught up and i’d say i’m making it to a solid three quarters of them. but it’s not ideal yknow#turns out living alone is very hard and i am oh so tired. all of the time#which yes is in part bc i’m struggling with sleeping. and also low iron is low ironing bc i’m bad at remembering to take my tablets#and social awkwardness is quite frankly reaching the point where it’s probably just actual anxiety. teebeehaitch#it’s better than it was when i first got here but uhm. not by much#even posting on here is freaking me out a bit bc i keep remembering that i have like. 1700 followers for some reason#like you’re telling me that what amounts to my diary is hypothetically being read by 1700 people. that’s fucking insane. what am i doing#like i only get a few notes on personal posts obviously but still. it kinda freaks me out#might make another blog idk. not right now i am going to have a nap <3 and hopefully attend my lectures <3#i can hear birds singing outside. why do i keep doing this to myself#morganposting
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i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way
#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isn’t bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey!#everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain won’t let me#i’m trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship#idk maybe that isn’t fair#but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still#idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people#and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way#literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#don’t wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently
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it’s not that I think I’m never going to get married. it’s that I am never going to get married the way I thought I would. I am not going to fall in love with a nice young man, get married in a whirlwind of youth and optimism, and have ten kids. I am not going to learn who I am as an adult as part of a team, with my partner by my side. that story is currently going on with my college friends who are celebrating fifth anniversaries and having second kids, but I missed the start of that timeline and it went on without me. I am not going to have that story, I cannot. I am not young and naive enough. I have already grown into who I’m going to be by myself, figured out adulthood and built my own habits without a partner. I cannot have ten kids, I literally don’t have enough years of fertility left. and there’s no conveniently single male friend waiting, Gilbert Blythe-like, in the wings of my life who could turn things around quickly so that I could even begin to catch up. my story will be something else - might be meeting someone in my thirties or forties, probably falling in love slowly because of the trust issues, and maybe having two or three kids, maybe adopting more. it’s a fine story. it could probably make me very happy. but it’s not at all the story I thought I’d have. I always wanted my mom’s life, and I am not going to have it.
#a version of this has been in my drafts for something like three years#I’m posting it because it’s why the movie made me so sad#and because maybe other people are weighed down under this today too#idk my sister and her husband and daughter have been staying with us for a couple weeks#and I love seeing them#but I worry that I’m just way too set in my ways to ever have that now#I worry that I am so used to being by myself and doing what I want to do#that there’s too much selfishness in me now#that the same self-assured independent qualities which make it hard to fall in love#would actually make me a bad wife and mother#and that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the last two weeks!#happy birthday to me#in which cate tells stories#discount chocolate day
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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ahsgsjaugejwjg
#sh/sui warning for tags#been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/#which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk#idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me#and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything#but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time.#like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down#to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk#and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me#and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk.#and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt#one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around#the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a#second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk#i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to#and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared.#idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily.#i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of#thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk.#ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they#kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit#it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to#bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed#and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it#personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was#suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better#rambles#vent
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If you thought you saw something I wrote… no you didn’t
#I’m sorry LMAO I had to delete it.. anxiety umm spiked#it’s still on archive our own simple bc I live on the edge and I don’t have it backed up anywhere else#I may repost it here later or something#idk I posted it.. walked away from my phone bc I always do that post long work bc my anxiety gets bad#something told me to come and delete#I don’t want to put myself through it before I post part 9 fmo#bc if my anxiety gets that bad.. y’all will never see the end of that fic#maybe that’s why I’ve been fixating on aus so much idk
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crying again lol ok
#purrs#and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking#damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I#miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out#FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks#being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i#even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just#text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or#at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju#just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an#and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be#been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode#and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b#be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a#breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing#on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here#delete later#like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway#and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy.#retreat tag
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the lengths i will go to avoid directly typing what i want into a search bar… Unreal.
#i have been looking for this video for a half hour by searching for a post i know it was linked on#instead of just like. ACTUALLY searching the video#which feels FAR too direct and humiliating#even tho literally no one sees my search history except for me#and i can also delete it afterwards if it’s bothering me that much#but noooooooooo#i’m VERY desperate at this point so i’m going to try searching something EXTREMELY vague and hope it comes up#if not - i guess i’ll just rewatch that part of the ep tomorrow#bc i don’t mind searching up the entire ep… somehow that’s different…#cuz there’s plausible deniability!! i could have been looking for ANYTHING in there…#plausible deniability - again - ONLY to myself…#please help me idk why i’m like this 😂😂#it’s not even anything bad at all!!!! it’s LITERALLY just a location reference for my fic pleaseeeeee 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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hate hate hate when i realize/discover that one of my friends is hot. like can you (me) get out of here with your confusing & unwanted feelings….
#personally i don’t think i’d be able to have a crush on a friend without being too embarrassed to let my feelings fester like i’d just be#like [bland voice] oh they’re hot. whatever. fact of life#ALTHOUGH that’s the issue i think. like whenever i notice that a friend is objectively hot i can never tell if i like. actually like them#or not. whenever i’ve had a crush on anyone it’s always been someone i’m not already friends with or it doesn’t work. THAT DOESN’T MEAN I#ONLY LIKE UNATTAINABLE PEOPLE THO IS THE THING. because i used to sort of like this guy i only saw in the halls and then a little while ago#our respective friend groups merged and so now we’re friends and hang out and stuff but i still very much have a crush on him#but like the other day i noticed that my irl was actually like really hot but i don’t think i’d ever be able to#(allow myself to???) like her romantically bc we were friends first??? bro idk. and yet ideally conceptually i think trc was right#wait actually. maybe i’m sort of in love with all of my friends who knows. anyway#.txt#i know it’s only 1 am but i haven’t slept properly all week so that’s why i’m posting this btw#probably this belongs in the journal (private) not journal (public)#upon further consideration that irl was a bad example because i’m starting to remember that i noticed she was hot (in an objective way not a#crush way) before we became friends. HOWEVER there’s this other irl who i knew and didn’t think was particularly attractive and then we#became friends (before i just knew him from class) and i still thought the same way about him but THEN he got a really good haircut and i#realized he was actually sort of attractive and developed a crush on him for about. 12 hours before i was like what the hell#this is [REDACTED (<- his name in all caps)] we’re talking about and promptly fell out of love with him. which is weird because if the#situation (like the fact that we were friends) was different he’d probably be exactly my type personality wise and all too#irls tag#crushposting#ish??#diary#gender diary#<- only diary tag i use
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okay wow so today was a whirlwind of emotions 😭😵💫🥹
#my brain is mush and others have said it better than me cause I’m usually not that good at expressing myself so I’ll rb some posts after#but I just wanted to let out some thoughts right now cause it’s been a crazy day#first of all I only got through half the festa vid so far cause I started watching before dinner but I got through a lot of their talking#about the hiatus and I think the main reason why I was so emotional and why I was crying so hard listening was more so about the fact that#they feel BAD about this more so than the actual hiatus itself#cause even though it’s going to be different and a lot more solo content (which I’m genuinely so excited for) it’s not like they’re going#to be completely gone like they even said they’re still doing run so that’s something I’m really happy about too#obviously I’m going to miss all the ot7 content but it’s not like this is permanent obviously one day they will call it quits for good but#that day isn’t today and I’ll obviously deal with that when it comes. but besides that the main reason why I’m so sad is that they felt#like they didn’t have a right to feel burnt out or to feel disconnected or to feel upset. they felt like they had to push these feelings#away and put aside going on this hiatus for years cause they didn’t want to disappoint us and that just broke my heart ..#like namjoons face and seeing all that pain he’s been carrying for years absolutely broke me#like I really wish they would be so much more selfish than they are sometimes because they DO deserve this break and they have for YEARS#that’s the point that really made me upset .. and joon even said that he felt the members resented him at times and even though they assured#him they didn’t he said ‘I know but that’s how I felt’ and it just kills me that they’ll always think we’re going to be upset about stuff#like this even though a vast majority of us .. the true fans .. want them to have this resting period#and be able to be on their own and figure themselves out .. everyone needs that and I have SO much respect to them for speaking on this#and making that video#so yea idk I’m feeling a bit sad but more so just … relieved?? that they’re finally taking this much needed time for themselves#and I’m honestly so excited to see what they do for their solo work 💜 I love them so much as artist and people#and seeing them always being honest and raw and vulnerable no matter how difficult … so much love and respect for them 💗#mine#idk I have so much more to say too but I never know how to express it well online .. I just love bangtan always 💜
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Grahhhh
#shut up alli#sometimes I feel like a bad person for like. detaching myself from things#like when someone was feeling down I’d pretty much always instantly message them and try and cheer them up#but at this age now I realize it was just desperate people pleasing and I couldn’t stand anyone being unhappy#because it felt like my fault (<- mental illness logic)#and nowadays for my own health and sanity I just kind of look the other way when I see vent posts or whatever#(NOT completely ignore ofc I do leave a like to let others know I saw it I’m not an animal)#it sucks to even feel bad about that shit because certainly my friends know if they need someone to talk to they can message me#I shouldn’t have to feel obligated to reach out about it. like sometimes I do if I think I have specific advice#but overall I can’t do it anymore like I used to.#I though it used to be easy and fine but turns out I was just severely depressed so I didn’t notice it impacted me negatively#*thought#but yeah idk why I’m even saying this tbh it’s just early and being tired makes me think too much#anyway moral of the story is I hope people still know I care about them I just can’t be unhealthy about it anymore 😵💫#let’s all take ibuprofen and get better together
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Trying to be active on tumblr really backfires all the time ☹️
#🦄 :: talk that talk. ୭#everytime i try to come back with restored hope and faith i always get crushed under the heavy wait of silence kxhjsjsjs my god#am i so bad at adapting#why is it so hard to accept that tumblr isn’t what it used be anymore 😭#almost eerie around here. forces me to think about how much of a loser i am#had my fall from grace (a somewhat social butterfly) and now i rot in trenches#i wouldn’t blame anyone except me. but yea. it’s growing increasingly hard to be around.#never thought i’d say this but it got worse. so much worse. i wanted to move blogs for my own good but it really didn’t work out#i feel like so. 3 years into kpopblr now and i feel like a brand new user with no acquaintances around. like#i’m trying to get myself out here and there by posting content but it’s just not working.#maybe i should just. idk. post only content when i have them ready.#🤔 actually that seems like a pretty good option#because y’know i don’t want to deactivate a blog i worked so hard behind building#sigh#yeah i should probably try to do that#before taking drastic decisions. i really don’t want to.
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