#idk why this project came to me in a dream and actually inspired me and im enjoying making it

[mbat]

anyone else have like, a messy/nontypical setup (as opposed to their usual one) when doing a several days long project and its kinda... everything? in a good way?

it just feels like... wow, im doing something, and it feels good that its taking up space, and itll feel physically different when its done

[litgwritersroom]

Idk where this came from, but a Noah fic inspired by Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift. I know he's a good guy but it reminds me of him for some reason.

WILDEST DREAMS

S2 | Noah/MC | 3100+ | @crimswnred

He's so tall and handsome as hell... and for some reason, Rhode just can't keep her eyes off him.

"Don't you girls think Noah is kind of a hottie?"

Rhode let her tired earthy green eyes slip away from the words on her book to the bright horizon. Noah was coming back from a quick swim at the ocean, water dripping from his chocolate hair and chest, like he was a vision to be seen. The other boys were following him right after, all joking and pushing each other; Lucas seemed the happiest of them, eager to talk to Noah about whatever subject those two could have in common.

Well, yes, Chelsea wasn't mistaken — actually, she rarely was when it came to boys. Noah was easily the hottest of the bunch and it wasn't hard to admit it or see why. Even if he wasn't your type, which was nearly impossible, you could at least see why he drew attention wherever he went.

He was one of those men, you know?! With kind caramel eyes that could stare right into your soul, even if you didn't want to let them. He had broad shoulders and big arms, the kind that projected immediate trust and a sense of protection. His personality was perfect, too. He was smart, fair, a natural leader and just supportive. However, none of those was the reason he would stick out to Rhode.

It was something else. That kind of feeling in her gut that moved her and caused butterflies in her stomach. The feeling of being needed. The way he made her believe he couldn't survive without her in her life. Everything, from his voice to the way he would look at you, seemed oddly unpolished as if the edges were left undone and he was one leap away from perfection, and you couldn't escape that urge to take him there. That was exactly why he was dangerous.

Because he would let you believe he had been waiting to meet you so he could be whole.

"Well, he is tall as hell and very handsome, but he's just not for me," Rhode said, at least. It was a lie, of course, Noah always had ticked all of her boxes in every category possible. However, she should stay safe on watch duty.

Chelsea frowned behind her round pink shades and big white floppy hat. "Why is your tone all sad all of the sudden?" She asked and, to be honest, Rhode wouldn't expect less of Chelsea's wit. She always knew best when it came to those things. "Is it because of Noah?!"

Before Rhode could come up with some excuse of her own, Lottie butted in, as she always did. "Don't be silly, Chels!" she argued, sliding her shades down her nose to have a look at them, those bright green eyes looking down as if she knew better. "Rhode just started dating Lucas, we don't need another misunderstanding."

Another, Lottie had to say, because there had been some wild rumours when Noah started dating his current girlfriend, rumours that went too far. Of course, the source of them seemed to be Chelsea, who at the time was convinced Noah had a thing for Rhode ever since they first met in college. To be honest, she never once believed such nonsense, however, she did wish, from the bottom of her heart, they were true.

"I'm just asking!" Chelsea gasped, her cheeks burning red. "Why do you always bring that back? It's been ages!"

"Me?" Now it was Lottie's turn to act displeased, as she sneered. "You're the one always talking about Rhode and Noah and their partners like they're characters in a rom-com!"

Rhode rolled her eyes to herself and huffed loud enough to cut their conversation. "Please, stop that nonsense," she ordered. "It'll be way worse if the boys end up hearing us."

"Hear you what?!"

Lucas' voice made Rhode jump on the stop. He was standing behind her, drying her hair with one of the towels she had brought in her bag. He looked as handsome as ever, his eyes glued to her as if she was the only woman in that beach, the only woman to ever set foot on earth. Rhode liked that, the certainty she was needed at the moment. She liked his seriousness, even though it had an expiration date.

She knew just where she was standing with him. Just where to go. Just exactly when to finish it.

It was one of her many habits. A tendency of hers. She would start something knowing well it would eventually end. Maybe that was why she dated the punk-band guy, or the model, or even the soon-to-be actor. Maybe it was why she insisted on a relationship with someone who couldn't imagine himself in a serious relationship, with intentions of marriage. Maybe it was why she was currently with Lucas.

"Gossip," Rhode said as Lucas leaned closer to kiss her on her cheek. He smelled like sun, sand and ocean. His cheek was warm like the afternoon.

"The thing that keeps the world turning," he said when he sat down next to her, seeming satisfied.

"Where's Gary?" Lottie wondered, fanning herself with her cap, searching for her own boyfriend in the horizon. "Wasn't he with you just yet?!"

"He went back to the hotel with Henrik to pick up a ball to play," Lucas explained. "Honestly, they are too high energy for me to keep up."

He slid his hand to Rhode's, intertwining their fingers and caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. It was an incredibly gentle act for him but she welcomed the affection anyway, always happy to receive attention. They were dating for almost six months now and even though Lottie had said they had merely started, it was the longest she had been with someone else.

"You sound like an old lady," Rhode joked around, turning to face him.

"Does that make you my old, beloved husband?" Lucas wrinkled his nose in that adorable way he used to do when he was joking.

Rhode chuckled. "Nah, I think it makes me your hot young boy toy who is always up for a good time and an expensive gift."

He shook his head with an amused smile on his lips, seeming more annoyed he couldn't come up with a proper comeback than about what she said. "You never fail to amuse me."

"Oh, Hope!" Rhode heard Chelsea exclaiming with excitement, raising her head to meet her.

As usual, Hope was hanging from Noah's arms and dragging him as if he was her personal purse, while he looked bored as hell. Long ago, Rhode would diagnose his behaviour around his girlfriends as a commitment issue, he was only 20-something after all. But now, the closer he got to his 30s, the more senseless it looked.

But oh, well, it wasn't Rhode's problem.

"We brought some ice lollies!" Hope announced.

As she said that, Noah placed the cooler full of them on the sand between Lottie and Rhode's loungers, making a loud sound and lifting sand from the ground. Rhode had to scratch her eyes to take some of it away but when she looked back, Noah was smiling.

It sent chills down her back.

"Oh, I want the strawberry sorbet one!"

It only took Chelsea's saying for everyone to attack the poor cooler as they laughed and demanded certain flavours to each other. Rhode watched the sudden rush, doubting they would have bought her favourite flavour anyways. Not everyone could appreciate—

"Rhode."

Noah's voice — his deep, solemn voice — grabbed her attention, taking it away from the ice lollies' mess and her own thoughts all at once. He was crouching in front of her, that sweet boy's smile on his lips, hair still wet and messy, offering her one of the lollies. The passion fruit one.

Her favourite.

1 am.

Lucas was sleeping deeply after too many glasses of wine and there was no sound to be heard in their hotel room. Rhode had just gotten out of her fancy shoes and evening dress, took off her makeup and dragged herself into a large jumper and shorts. 2 seconds ago they were out, partying and drinking, and now he had passed out. It was funny, of course, but also kind of lonely.

She decided to leave him alone and grabbed her handbag, opening it to find her pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Quickly enough, she was out of her room, hair tied in a bun.

Rhode walked through the hallways, phone in one hand, room's card and lights in the other. There were only a few people here and there at each turn, all of them looking drunker than the previous one like she would've expected.

When she finally hit the outdoor pool, Rhode sat by one of the loungers, a cigarette between her teeth as she tried to light it and watched the stars shining on the sky above her.

"Thought I'd find you here."

She turned but didn't need to do it quickly for she already knew who it was. Noah was standing next to her, the same tender expression he always seemed to keep for his friends in his face and a combination of pyjama bottoms and a white t-shirt that looked too good to be true.

"Isn't there a girlfriend for you to attend?!"

"Hope's still at the bar with Lottie and Chelsea," he said, not seeming sad at all about his absence. "What about your boy?!"

"Lucas fell asleep, so I escaped," she gave him an insincere smile. "But now I'm second-guessing it, it's too fucking cold for a summer night."

Noah chuckled in that way which always meant he could see behind her talking. "You're unsettled."

Between Chelsea's wit and Noah's mind-reading abilities, Rhode really thought she was that easy to figure out.

"I am cold," she countered, wrinkling her nose at him.

Once again, he flashed that beautiful, sweet smile that met his eyes and felt like the only honest gesture in the world. God, she hated his smiles. They had a way of making her feel special even if at the end of their night, he'd go back to his girlfriend.

She rolled her eyes at him in a playful way and he couldn't help but chortle, making her blush as she puffed her cigarette. It was one of those moments when everything looked so perfect and somehow she still felt like part of the scene. Her heart was beating loud inside her chest and her eyes were focused on the man in front of her.

Noah sat down on the lounger next to her, his legs turned to her body as his smile went from bright to hopeless in a second. He seemed nervous as if he had just remembered something.

"What?!" Rhode frowned, turning her legs to his direction as well and leaning forward. She could feel his skin, their knees touching and his warm passing from him to her. "What happened, Noah?!"

He looked at her and their eyes met. "He's gonna propose."

It took longer than it should have for it to click. A second or two for it to sink in properly. 'He' in that case was Lucas, and she was the one who was going to be proposed to. Suddenly, it all made sense. He had been so careful, so loveable, so affectionate. Lucas wanted to marry her.

Except it didn't make sense at all! It was Lucas they were talking about. He was 27 and thought himself to be too young to tie the knot. He had told her as soon as they started dating that married life was the last of his priorities. The man she was dating despised the idea of being glued to anyone, wanted to see the world and help those in need and drive around on his bike and…

"Who told you that?!" Rhode asked, at least.

"Lucas himself."

"That can't possibly be true," she dismissed Noah with a shake of her hand. "Lucas would rather die than marry so soon. It's impossible, you must've misheard him."

"I did not!" His voice was firm, steady. Rhode had never heard him so angry before. "I'm telling you, he's gonna propose. At the end of our trip. He's in love with you, Rhode."

"And I'm telling you, Noah, this can't be!"

"Why?! Why is it so unimaginable for you that he wants to lock you down?"

That wasn't the case. Actually, that was the least insane part of all this. She would never doubt anyone's feelings, especially from a determined man like Lucas, who would do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted to. The problem here was that she was dating him specifically because he didn't want anything serious. Because she was in love with someone else. And if he asked her to marry him… well, she would say no.

"Why would he even tell you that?!" Rhode shook her head, changing the subject.

"Because…" She watched as he fumbled for words and swallowed hard, suddenly losing that layer of confidence and showing Rhode a part of him she had never seen before. "Well, fuck it, everybody will find out sooner or later."

He ran his hands through his hair and then face, making Rhode more confused than before. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Remember when Chelsea said I had a thing for you and everyone just figured it was a lie?"

Thump. As the wind passed them, her heart almost escaped through her throat. If she was standing, she would be on the ground by now, since her legs felt like giving up. She only nodded in response, too afraid that if she tried to say something, it would come out like a cry instead of words.

"Well, it wasn't." Without knowing it, Noah said exactly what Rhode expected him to, like a dream finally coming to life. "One night, I drank too much and… I ended up telling Chelsea about my feelings for you. She commented with Lottie, I guess, who told Gary and… when it got to you I panicked and asked her, no, begged her to pretend it was all some stupid gossip she made up."

Suddenly, Chelsea's obsession with making a couple out of them both felt reasonable. She knew. Oh, god, all this time she knew.

"Noah, I—"

"Sorry, I'm…" he interrupted and she nodded, letting him finish his train of thought. "I guess Gary told Lucas about those rumours and he came to me, asked me if they were true. I lied, of course, said it was all a big misunderstanding and that I was happy with Hope. But then, he told me about the proposal."

Fuck. Hope. Rhode had forgotten all about her for a second.

"I don't know why I wanted to tell you about it, I don't know why I'm telling you all, I guess…" Noah scratched her nape, lost in his own thinking. "I don't know, I just wanted to shoot my shot. I know you love Lucas and he's a great guy, but I wanted you to know either way. Rhode. I'm in love with you."

Something great took control over Rhode, made her grab his white t-shirt with closed, tight fists, and bring him closer to her. Made her forget all about Lucas and Hope and Chelsea and Lottie. Made her lock their lips in one desperate movement, like he was air and she couldn't spend another second breathless. Made her bring his body over her own, even though they were out by the hotel pool and anyone could see them.

She didn't care. How could she?

Mind still a little hazy, Rhode was now taking off his shirt, exposing his chest to her touch and lips. His hands were exploring as well, raising the hem of her jumper, touching the skin of her belly and then gently caressing her breasts. Each encounter of skin felt more electric than the other, to the point Rhode thought she'd burn in flames.

"Noah," she whispered, between kisses on his neck. "Is Hope back from the bar?!"

Noah straightened his back, looking at her straight in the way. "We might have an hour."

The sun was setting and there was soon between Rhode's toes. She could hear the ocean's waves crashing against the shore, over and over, playing a soundtrack to her foggy thoughts. It had been around 17 hours ever since she had last seen Noah and her heart felt smaller and smaller each second that passed her by. Looking at the horizon, she could see the beautiful sunset meeting the border of the water. But her mind was somewhere else.

She heard steps and more steps coming closer to her. Used to Lucas' touch, she didn't flinch when the presence got nearer. However, when the figure sat down next to her, she realised he was too tall to be her boyfriend.

"Just broke up with Hope."

Rhode turned to look at him. He had one of those side smirks that said "oopsie" but not for real. His eyes looked soft as they often did when he looked at her and for the first time, it didn't send her into an anxious spiral. Instead, she felt peaceful. She could get used to that feeling.

It had been a long time coming.

"Good for you," she chuckled and he did too, a sparkle running through them. 

Noah then furrowed his brows, looking thoughtful for a while. "How about Lucas, though?!"

Rhode sighed. "I told him I didn't wanna marry."

Just a few hours later she had been kicked out of her hotel room to give Lucas some space. She tried to reason with him, explaining she has always been completely clear with her intentions and that they were aligned until… they weren't.

"How did he take it?!"

"Not so good," she shook her head at the memory of his jaw clenching. "But he'll live."

Noah nodded at that and Rhode felt like he truly understood. Because there was nothing she could do about Lucas when her mind was fixated on Noah. 

"We're doing this, then?!" Rhode asked, her green eyes glued to his caramel orbs.

"Yeah, I think we are…" he smiled once again but this time, it was big. Bigger than the universe and surely bigger than anything she had ever felt. 

She got closer and he did too and suddenly they were just an inch apart from each other. She could hear his heartbeat, even when the sound of the waves was trying to shut it. It just beat louder.

"Noah," she said with what felt like her whole being. "I'm in love with you too."

And he kissed her. Oh, he kissed her. As if he was dying to do it for ages now. As if he died to do it right now. As if he would die to do it for as long as he could, as long as he breathed. And she kissed her back as if breathing was not possible away from him. And God, it was beautiful. Even if they didn't survive, in that moment, they were beautiful.

[fastestloseralive]

minor/niche speedster headcanons? not necessarily bland but more like headcanons that arent always relevant or are kinda niche?

just be aware these are mostly just random shit I came up with and not all of it applies to canon because I wasn’t trying to make it apply to any particular canon please don’t @ me here. most of these are about Wally bc it’s me and how could they not be

- since it’s pride month I’m gonna start with that I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again but no! one! in! this! family! is! straight!

- the west-allen household has a flag hanging next to their front door. unlike most homes in the Midwest it’s not an American flag, it’s a bi pride flag, because of course it is.

- Actually okay this is a dumb headcanon and it’s entirely 10000000% me projecting because I rarely get to about this because a lot of the characters I like are like, you know, clearly not ace, but I literally had a dream last night that I was reading a comic and Barry was stated to be asexual in canon and I cannot explain why. in reality it’s more like I think he’s demisexual and honestly if you’re not Iris West or Hal Jordan he isn’t interested🤷‍♀️

- speaking of this!! Bart’s aroace and no I’m not going to take criticism on that one, no thank you, it’s canon, goodbye.

- this is so self-indulgent but also Wally is a horse girl at heart. Blue Valley in my head is some small town, USA thing in the middle of nowhere, nebraska and his grandparents on his mom’s side own a farm on which they have a horse named Socks and that horse is Wally’s best friend. no I’m not going into any more detail yes this headcanon was inspired by the Hannah Montana movie

- If Wally had a high school reunion was while his identity as the Flash was public, and if he was like, 5% more petty and was capable of getting drunk, he would’ve showed up just to roast everyone who bullied him as a child because they used to make fun of him and turn around and talk about how cool Kid Flash was

- Something something speedsters being claustrophobic I know that headcanon is popular I just. I love that

- I’ve talked about my whole three lightning rods theory before here but that applies as well here ok!!!

- not really a headcanon but I feel the need to point out that Bart plays Pokémon in canon and I can’t remember if it’s like an in-universe renamed version of it or what (idk how to explain that. like how in iCarly they had pear products instead of apple products?? there’s probably a name for when shows and stuff do that) but I’m obsessed with this, naturally, because I’m me

- speaking of dumb stuff: Wally wore glasses as a kid but he had to get contacts once he got his powers because he refused to wear special sports glasses as kid flash. Although in yjtv that’s why he HAS the goggles there, because his glasses would always fly off his face and without them he’s just running completely blind

- Wally had a space nerd phase when he found out his uncle’s best friend was green lantern. no literally listen like if you’ve seen toy story? that’s literally what happened. Hal bought Wally a green lantern action figure for his birthday and Wally looks at his flash action figure and goes “I don’t wanna play with you anymore” and Barry feels like his heart just got ripped out and he doesn’t talk to Hal for like a week. A month later Wally’s realized he can have two favorite heroes but Barry will never forgive Hal for this and Hal will never let him live down the jealousy LMAO

- jokes on them both Wally’s real favorite heroes are Aunt Iris and the first Robin, in that order

[i-am-a-passenger]

Grace getting off the train hc list:

image description: a spin on the “you’ve been in a coma for x amount of time” meme featuring Grace. Grace’s head is poorly edited onto the face on the patient and the nurse is touching her shoulder saying “you’ve been on the train for ten years” Grace replies “can’t wait to go outside where there’s no pandemic”. end description. 

this one ended up incredibly long... 

- Grace’s number was built up over the course of 8 years where Simon was retraumatising her and she was making herself worse for other ppl’s approval out of a misguided idea of what she was supposed to do, that sort of trauma and straying from the recovery the train intended for her will take a long time to recover from, so Grace gets off the train 2 maybe 3 years after Book 3 finishes. 

- also I like to think that she and her kid friends moved out of the mall car to somewhere else and set up a new camp there, and that some of them waited after getting their exits for Grace to get hers so they could leave together. And so Grace wouldn’t be alone on the train since that’s a huge source of anguish for her and I like the idea of some of the older kids in their teens looking after Grace and making sure she isn’t forced into a perfect leader role again and is able to take time to herself to look after her mental health and pursue hobbies and such so when she gets off the train she’s in a much better headspace and able to have healthier mutually caring relationships with people.

- Grace’s parents never stopped looking for her okay they love her :’[ but losing your only child for several years took a huge toll on their relationship and gave them lots of time to reflect on their not perfect behaviour and realise they were hurting Grace and why they treated her that way. 

(taking huge inspiration from @blackfemmecharacterdependency​ ‘s no train au for Grace’s family here...) Grace’s mother realised she was living vicariously through her daughter and that her investment in Grace’s dancing and fame wasn’t healthy. So with Grace gone for such a long time and her unable to do that she turned inward and realised that about herself, and set to making her own life better and happier for herself so she wouldn’t need to project all these standards and unfulfilled dreams onto her daughter. 

I like to think that Grace’s mum used to be like, a singer or an actress or something and was convinced to give that up by her husband to raise their daughter, and with Grace gone she returns to her career and reconnects with her old friends and colleagues. Also it’s important to me that as part of this she stops straightening her hair and goes natural, and while she still dresses fancy she does so more for herself than keeping up professional appearances. So when Grace comes back she’s ready to be accepting of her fashion choices and self expression rather than control her.  

As for Grace’s dad, he seems like the type who’s overly invested in what things should be like to the point where he ignores or tries to change how things actually are, even if doing so hurts people. Like, when he got told Grace had shoplifted his response was “Grace would never steal” and he argues with the police officer, which really hurts Grace because rather than talking to her and thinking about how she feels and she would steal, he jumps into protecting his idealised image of Grace, and as we see with Grace’s mum scolding her for dressing up these parents really projected their ideals onto their daughter and traumatised her. 

So for him it would be about letting go of controlling others and realising why he had to make Grace into someone else and mould her into what he wanted. I think after a few years her parents hire therapists for themselves and he does a lot of digging into his past to become a better person. 

So when Grace comes back she goes home to a household that’s not perfect, but it’s trying to heal. 

- Grace and her parents have a kind of rocky relationship for the first few months that she’s back. Grace has a hard time opening up about everything that happened on the train for obvious reasons, I mean... a magical train is hard enough, but corunning a cult on a magical train and almost getting killed by your best friend and a bunch of indoctrinated children? the Hazel thing? hard to get all that out, especially to parents who haven’t exactly been sympathetic towards her. 

Also Grace’s dad kinda took a few steps back in his growth and tried to get Grace to start dancing again and just pushed for things to return to normal and for Grace to fit back into the plan he had for her life, partly because of not worked through stuff and partly because of guilt that she’d missed out on so much of her life (her entire teen years were spent on the train) and he did ultimately want her to be happy but went about it in the wrong way, so for these months Grace’s mum was like a mediator trying to figure out what Grace actually wanted and needed and protect her from being pushed back into the limelight when she wasn’t ready. 

- Grace’s parents got Grace a therapist and together they started figuring out what Grace actually wanted. I think Grace tried to get back into dancing professionally and while she was incredibly good because all those years she never stopped practicing, not having a professional teacher for 10 years meant she’d have to train again for a long time before she could catch up with her peers and the competition. 

Also the experience of competing against other people and winning stuff and being put on a pedestal for it is part of what made her act in the harmful ways she did during Book 3. So I personally am opposed to Grace returning to the life style that hurt her. This is something Grace realises through her therapy and she deals with a lot of feelings around being unable to dance professionally when that’s what her life was leading to, but she decides to explore other options like going to school and working and goes on a self discovery journey for a few years. 

- She co stars with her mum in some shows and movies after she got her an acting gig, or she sings with her, and she tries out other stuff too like working in a book shop ( 😏😏😏😏) and like idk... being the person who wears the chuck ee cheese fursuit at a chuck ee cheese restaurant just to see what it’s like and has a lot of fun. Eventually she decides that working with kids is what she wants to do, partly because she was really good at helping her kid friends get their numbers down and found it rewarding to help them, and she feels guilt that she couldn’t help Hazel in the same way, so if she can she wants to stop any other kids from feeling the same way and make a difference in people’s lives. Also as someone with a note great childhood she empathises a lot with kids that are suffering, so she applies for a course and starts doing placements.

I imagine her dad was a bit disappointed in this decision but did his best to hide it for Grace’s sake. 

Other stuff that makes me :] :

- When Grace tried dancing out again after years she met Shayna again and was nervous about it because they didn’t exactly get on well as kids but Shayna apologised to her for being mean n they become friends...

Shayna also ended up on the train because I said so, she was on there because she had insecurities that made her lash out at other people to feel better and she got train snatched after facing consequences for this from people she was mean to. She was on there for a few months - around the same time period Jesse was on the train for. And she got on just as the Apex was being formed, so she and her denizen companion would come across cars that had been raided by the Apex every now and then and wonder what was going on. They also ran into Amelia once or twice and were like ????? but thought nothing serious of it. 

So Shayna becomes the main person Grace confides in about her train experience and they end up becoming really good friends. Like... Grace missed huge amounts of music and films and other stuff while she was gone and is really alienated from pop culture and general conversation because she has no idea what people are talking about most of the time so Shayna and her have sleepovers and marathon all the important movies Grace missed and like... listen to music Shayna thinks she might like together. 

Sometimes Shayna pranks her by making her think that something no one cares about is a really big deal like... she tells her sausage party is considered a cult classic or something. Or she lies to her about memes so Grace embarrasses herself. But it’s not malicious or like, stuff that would really embarrass her or seriously hurt her feelings. they just mess around together is what I’m getting at. 

- Also Grace figures out her triggers with her therapist so stuff like the name simon and the word apex need to be avoided, and Shayna respects that and keeps it in mind when she finds stuff for them to watch together. Like they avoid the reptile section when they go to zoos and stuff too. 

- Grace keeps in touch with most of the kids that used to be in the apex, and they meet up every now and again and have a big get together barbecue on the anniversary of Grace getting off the train. And if any of them came from families with financial troubles Grace and her family try to support them. Basically the kids stay a part of Grace’s life and her support circle even after the train. 

- I do like to think that Grace and Lake would meet again and that Grace would have a chance to make amends. I don’t think Lake or Jesse would want Grace in their lives bc of what she did to them, but they accept her apology and wish her the best of luck in rebuilding her life. 

[syubub]

Yoongi birthday reading/energy check!!

It's sweet sweet tangerine bois birthday!!

I wanted to do a cute little energy check up to see what's up and ask some fun little questions!!

I'm excited so let's just do this shit!!

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact!!

---

I want to apologize for the absolute shit pictures but what's new lol

So, let's start with the platform. First thing I noticed was the blue was brighter but the platform was darker? It was like someone cranked up the contrast to 100. Ngl it looked pretty cool. Yoongis platform doesn't typically have a barrier like some of the others do so I just kinda walked in and did the whole, "happy birthday, I have questions" His energy seemed a lot more... vibrant? And playful I guess? It was really nice. Now. The actual connection was intresting because the cord was blue again and like, real thick. (I don't think my perceived thickness of the cord has and real correlation with how strong the connection is. It was just thicc) this time though, the cord was connected at the chest instead of the third eye. So i was like, ??? But my guide didn't give my any sort of helpful input (my guide likes to watch me suffer in my confusion. I'm sure of it)

Anyway, cord like that and then yoobi gave me a headbutt to connect at the third eye. Idk why he gotta be like that :( istg next time he's gonna flick my forehead or something.

I was like "cool cool cool. I want to do the reading now pls" and idk how to explain the energy other than sassy. You know? Blah blah blah I'm thinking, "I don't remember him being so cheeky but maybe I've been gone long enough for him to level up into his final sass monster form"

Anywho, this was intresting because after the little strings were connected and stuff, we plopped down on the floor. And it was like everything I was doing irl was being mimicked infront of yoons energy? So we were sitting facing eachother and I was putting the cards down between us?? Usually that doesn't happen but it was kinda fun!!

Moving right along. I first asked if there was anything he wanted to say or needed to get across and it was 11. Now, 11 has come up before and I'm still not to sure what it's in reference to? My best guess is possibly he's been seeing 11:11 or that it's 2? Idk let me know if you have any clues lol. Other stuff was just kinda banter and stuff.

So so so.

The reading. First thing I asked was how he was doing. And I shuffled his preticular way (when I ask a question I always ask for the energy to tell me how much to shuffle or when to stop. For yoongi it's always 2-2-2. So 2 bridge shuffles, 2 hand shuffles and then split the pile in 2. That's why I think 11 might be 2 to him?)

The cards we got are ace of swords rev, justice,the heirophant rev, the empress.

So based off this I was like okay. I want to pull clarity cards for the two rev cards to get a better picture so I pulled the emperor rev for ace or swords rev and strength rev and wheel of fortune rev for the heirophant rev.

Starting with the ace of swords rev, and the emperor reverse. It seems like yoongi has been re thinking his relationship to control in his life. That's he's possibly noticing any unhealthy needs to control his life and the situation around him. It could also refer to his judgment being clouded by a rigid approach.

With the justice card it makes me think that he's possibly considering a big choice in his life or that he's really doing some deconstructing of his own views. This second idea fits in well with him getting clarity on some possibly unhealthy control issues in his life.

Now. The heirophant rev, strength rev and wheel of fortune reverse. This was intresting to me bc they are all major arcana. The heirophant rev can really talk about no longer needing outside approval and making your own way in your own time bc you are your own teacher. Strength in rev I kinda read as self doubt and feeling down in this case. Like a lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. And the wheel of fortune in reverse I took to mean as his breaking cycles. All together these cards kinda paint a picture about wanting and trying to break a cycle of self doubt and self limiting beliefs and learning more about himself and why he think what he does about himself and searching through everything for truth. It's really good!! In short he's doing some nice soul searching and trusting himself to guide his own way through this self discovery!

The empress! This card seems to pop up for yoobi a lot and I think it really speaks to the abundance that surrounds him! Not just money but the abundance of creativity, love, friends ect.

Now now now. I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to tell us about himself or bts or what's happening in the near future. For that I got 2 of cups, king of wands and 3 of coins.

So the 2 of cups is partnership. Usually romantic. Could be pertaining to the may 13th thing that is ever present lol but I'll get to that later. With the 3 of coins talking about teamwork, this could definitely hint at collaborations coming up!! That's the vibe I get. No one crush my dreams. And for the king of wands it could be talking about taking the reigns on a new project and starting to get it done. Like a new opportunity. This could be a new bts project like starting a new campaign or new venture or maybe personal like the a mixtape or doing more songs for other groups ect.

I had to ask him how he was feeling about the grammys. I had to. Had to. The cards were ace of wands, 2 of wands and death reverse. When these came flying out I could help but smile. Yoongis energy was almost giddy too!

Witht he ace of wands

It's that spark of creativity and inspiration. It's that feeling when you get super excited over some new thing. I think this is the perfect example for feeling reinvigorated. The 2 of wands takes that spark from the ace and tries to funnel that excitement and newness into something directional. Using that burst of creativity to start planning for future progress!! Its so nice to see that! If they don't win (IF) you bet we're gonna get some bangers about a corrupt system. If (WHEN) they do win we'll get bangers about how thankful they are to have gotten where they are in spite of a corrupt system. I just want to hear an uncensored version of yoongi being like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WE DID IT BITCHES. FUCK ALL YOU BASTARDS THAT SAID WE COULDN'T."

I can dream....

What a nice dream.

Now I asked if there was anything yoobi wanted to say to us as in advice or comfort or anything like that and I got, Clearing negativity, make time for self care, when I'm tuned into the energy of abundance I become abundant. when I'm in a state of appreciation im in vibrational alignment with my true love nature. The world rev, 2 of swords rev and that project, that person, that idea is waiting.

Awe. Take care of yourselves!! Make sure to take time to enjoy what you like and try not to let any negativity get in the way of you enjoying your days. The world rev to me seems to be talking about seeking closure on the things in your life that have been impacting you. Tie up those loose ends so you can move foward without triping over yourself and 2 of swords rev I think talks about information overload and being kinda indecisive bc of that. Take a sep back to evaluate the situation at hand because sometimes it's so close you can't see what you're looking for. Those of you who are studying and getting frustrated because you just can't seem to get it, try taking a step back and doing something to take care of yourself and come back to it so you can approach with a clearer mind. Try not to get stuck or paralyzed by choice but if you do get stuck, take some time to detach yourself from the situation and come back later!

A fair few people wanted an update on yoobis soulmate as well. If you need a refresher here's the run down. Yoongis soulmate is impossible for me to read, yoongi is a smug ass and I'm nosy and probably a little dumb.

Now that that's cleared up

I asked, "am I missing something?" (As to why I can't connect and why yoongi won't give me answers.)

I got queen of cups, magician and the high priestess. I read this as him being like, "yeah dude, you aren't woke enough"

YOONGI just give me answers pls. The high priestess is intuition and sacred knowledge, the magician is manifestation and the queen of cups is also intuition.

At this point I was like, okay you little shit, can you at least tell me how your soulmate is doing? Can you do that for me?

2 of cups, 2 of pentacles, 9 of wands and knight of wands. 2 of cups is partnership usually romantic, 2 of pentacles is priorities and managing them, 9 of wands persistence, knight of wands motivation for a new thing. His soulmate last time was in the process of going through some shit and figuring it out and it seems like now they've got a better clue of how to move foward and are currently heading towards good things/ important things in their life (possibly like working towards dream career or had an idea for a business the want to start or field they want to go in.)

I was thinking about the next question when this popped into my head, "if you know about your akashic book, do you know about your soulmates? Have you read it?" I used my pendulum. No movement at all. What so ever. "Are you listening to me?" Yes. "So answer my question please" No. "Do you like to watch me suffer?" Maybe. "Do you know the answer to the question" yes.

YOONGI WHY

This cheeky son of a bitch.

Now I was like, fuck it. Imma ask him the big boi question.

"Is your soulmate present when I do these readings?" Yes.

WHY THE FUCK CAN I NIT PICK UP ON IT???

I had to take a deep breath dude. Yoobi is testing my nerves.

"Are they hiding their energy?" No.

I was actually gonna combust. This makes no sense.

I asked yoongi if he would tell me what I'm not getting. Silence. So i ask my guide.

"lol ur dumb"

Watch me Google "how to fire your spirit guide"

Istg this feels like some dumb prank. Maybe I'm just genuinely oblivious to his soulmates energy or maybe I'm just doing something.

What do you want to bet that his soulmate is just hiding under the platform and I'm too stupid to notice or some dumb thing like that.

yoobi, sir, why must you do this?

I decided to continue.

"What message or thing have you learned from your soulmate recently that could be valuable to us?" I got healthy communication in relationships and deep replenishment.

Good to know you can have a nice communicative relationship with your soulmate bc I CAN'T.

I'm petty about it, sue me.

The message does stand though. Good communication and taking proper rest to replenish yourself.

Now I had to ask yoongi directly what he thought of may 13th.

I got the lovers, 7 of swords, the magician and judgement. The seven of swords was intresting and it makes me think there's some extra stuff at play here too. 7 of swords is about getting away with something and deceit. The clarifier was the magician.... this could mean a lot honestly. It could be that maybe yoongi will have his relationship exposed or possibly that maybe him and his soulmate meet but yoongi is disguised? Idk how that would work at all but I'm stumped. There's a lot of variations that this could be. The magician is about manifesting and having everything you need to create what you want. This could possibly mean that maybe he gets a sudden idea that's like, "oh I have to go here right now. Its super important" eventhough he has practice scheduled. So that would let down his team but he would be following his path and it might lead to him meeting his soulmate? Maybe vice versa? Idk let me know what you think??

With the judgement its about inner calling and kinda like the peak. Like shit has been leading up to this moment. With the lovers too it does seem like a union?

I asked him, "but like what's gonna happen on the 13th thought and I got the 10 of cups. Divine love, bliss, alignment, happy mushy gushy shit. This is why I'm so inclined to think that they'll meet on the 13th or things will get serious or their paths finally cross. The cards seem to heavily suggest that.

My dude. Yoongi is really sappy, pass it on.

For the last question I asked yoomgi if there was messages/ advice he had given to his soulmate that we might benefit from.

First step, open your third eye, open your heart, sign from heaven, open your arms to receiving.

A lot of opening lol.

It's good advice though learning to be open and receptive and taking that first step in tackling life or any situation.

Oki. Now for the disconnecting. It was not nearly as strange as it has been in the past. I was just like thanks dude. Again, happy birthday blah blah and I got up to leave. I noticed it looked like we were in sitting in one of those old plastic hoola hoops? Like the pink and yellow ones lol. As I was looking at and and like??? Off to the side the numbers 13, 28, 54. Obvi 54 isn't a date and then I the last yoongi check up there was book pages and I feel like 54 and 28 were the pages?? I'm not actually sure as I'm writing this so I'm gonna check.

Yep I checked. They are the page #s.

So that's intresting.

Other than that though I just kinda left and he was like, "bye" and that's all.

Not as cool as other yoongi adventures but equally as frustrating.

TLDR

Yoongis doing pretty okay and he's a cheeky little shit. My guide like to watch me suffer and yoobi is mushy gushy squishy.

Happy day of birth Syub!!

[tryingsomethingoutidkyet]

Ham Hocks: 100 follower celebration

Ok so I may have accidentally found some writing inspiration . It is currently 4am and the smoke is clearing out of my house. Let’s see if this turns out well.

WORDS: 1.4k

Warnings: Fire (not really, but almost)

Pro hero! Sero x College!Reader 

////////////////////

Let’s get one thing clear, you can cook, you can. It’s just that you were tired. Which is justified. You had been working for the past two weeks non-stop on a project for your college class that you’re more than willing to admit you invested an unhealthy amount of time into completing, so much so that you hardly had a break.

It’s not that you didn’t want to take a break either, in fact, you thought you’d be done by now. And you would’ve been if your project partner actually did his half of the work instead of lying to you about how much he was getting done every time you checked in with him, only for him to tell you the week before the project was due that he hadn’t actually gotten anything done besides putting his name on it and yes, it was too late to switch partners. Which is how you got stuck gathering weeks of research, siting sources and linking articles into a few days of effort in order to get a passing grade.

It was about 12am and you had just finished the final page of your work, thankfully having gotten both halves of the project done without any other issues. You even had time to attach a detailed note to your professor about who did what exactly. Yes it was petty, but you did everything yourself and you refuse to allow the very reason you had been up for the past few days, surviving on an aggressive amount of coffee and maybe 8 hours of sleep total to get the same grade as you.

After completing your project you find yourself suddenly aware of all the needs you’ve deprived yourself of for the past few days. You were hungry and tired and you just wanted to take a shower that was longer than 5 minutes. So that’s what you set out to do.

Let’s get one thing clear, you can cook, you can. It’s just that you were tired. Which is justified. You had been working for the past two weeks non-stop on a project for your college class that you’re more than willing to admit you invested an unhealthy amount of time into completing, so much so that you hardly had a break.

After completing your project, you find yourself suddenly aware of all the needs you’ve deprived yourself of for the past few days. You were hungry and tired, and you just wanted to take a shower that was longer than 5 minutes. So that’s what you set out to do.

 It didn’t work out that way

You had scoured your kitchen for a quick meal and unfortunately came up with nothing. Dealing with the project kept you so busy you guess you forgot to buy food. The only thing you had in your freezer was a pack of fatass ham hocks and those take forever to get done. You contemplated sleep for dinner tonight before finally deciding to put them on the stove. “I’ll just sleep in tomorrow.” You reassured yourself as you headed to the shower.

Coming back from your shower at about 1am, you sat on your bed turned on the tv to distract yourself while you wait. There was nothing on considering how late it was, so you decided to leave it on the news.

  Now onto some exciting hero news. Pro hero Cellophane was seen today taking down a pretty big villain…  

 “At least I’ll stay up for this.” You say to yourself as you adjust on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position. You had been a Cellophane fan for a while so seeing him finally getting recognition for all his hard work was pretty exciting.

  The anchor lady continued to talk about the rising star pro-hero and his defeat of some creepy villain that looked like a science project gone wrong.

   You weren’t really paying attention to the news anchor as she spoke, preferring to focus your attention onto the footage that played in the background of your favorite hero.

 Honestly, you don’t even know how you became a fan. It’s not like you were always big on heroes. You couldn’t name more than a few but somehow, the human tape dispenser had caught your attention from the very start of his career. He always seemed to go out of his way to help civilians, no matter how small their troubles may have been. Which should be normal for a hero but seeing as how the pro hero Screamy Mc Anger Face is sitting at #2 on the hero charts, you really held an appreciation for Cellophane.

 It also didn’t hurt that over the years of you being a fan, this man has gotten more and more attractive. He had gotten taller, and now according to the tape man himself, was sitting at a good 6’2. His jaw had become more shaped and his form had filled out a little as well thanks to his years in the hero business. He had let his hair grow out a little more and seemed to mainly keep it in a ponytail for his hero work. He was truly the most attractive man you’ve ever seen.

 You were so caught up in your thoughts of Sero you hadn’t even noticed you were falling asleep.

You didn’t get much time to rest, however as you were being pulled out of your slumber by someone roughly shaking you. Your eyes shot open and met with a set of deep brown pupils that seemed so familiar although you didn’t quite know why. Allowing your vision to adjust, you see that they belong to someone you’d found yourself admiring for a while. “Oh, I must be dreaming.” You say to yourself as you roll over, fully intending to get the most out of whatever this was you were being blessed with. You loved when god blessed your dreams, at least you thought it was a dream.

 Only until you felt yourself being lifted into some pretty solid arms. “Ok definitely not a dream, y/n.”  Your eyes shot open once again, very much awake this time. The Sero Hanta was carrying you. But why? You were trying to wrap your head around the situation, but it was hard to focus. There was a loud screeching that had filled your head and you couldn’t see much further than Sero’s head due to the thick smoke in the house. That was when it clicked: My ham hocks

 Before you knew it, you were out of your apartment complex and being placed feet first onto the cold ground. After a quick look to see you weren’t physically injured, he began to speak.” It doesn’t look like anything more than smoke; I checked the whole house.” He stated before gesturing toward your smoking apartment. “I’m going back inside to open the windows and turn off the alarm; wait here.” He walked off into your apartment. Sero Hanta was just standing in front of you. Sero Hanta was just carrying you. Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

 When he came back, he was holding a few of your items in hand. “It looks like you’re just gonna have to wait it out, so I got you a few things from inside; I hope you don’t mind.” He says handing you one of your jackets, a pair of fuzzy slippers and your phone. “Thanks.” You say, slipping on the items before focusing your attention on him. He was so much hotter in person. How is that possible?

  “So… how’d you get in my house?” He looked surprised. “Oh, wow that sounded rude, I’m sorry.” You say nervously “It’s just that as attractive as you are, I’d rather not have a stalker. Wait that’s not what I meant- “he cut you off with a chuckle. “No, it’s fine. I guess I just wasn’t really expecting that question. I was coming back from patrol and I saw smoke coming from over there.” He says gesturing toward your open kitchen window. “So, I climbed through. Thankfully, your room door was closed so no smoke was able to get in. You’re a pretty heavy sleeper, by the way.”

 “Yeah, not really” you sheepishly reply, “I had a big project for class that kept me up for a while, so I guess my body just kinda went into a coma.”  You were less nervous now “Honestly I’m surprised my neighbors didn’t hear all the noise.” Despite everything that happened, they hadn’t made a peep. “Well, it is 3am. At this point they’re probably all dead to the world.”

 “Oh, I didn’t realize it was so late” You say, checking your phone. “You probably want to get home, so I won’t keep you.” You had felt guilty. He spent today battling villains and now he couldn’t go home because somebody couldn’t stay awake long enough to keep their sad meal from turning into an almost house fire.

 Sero didn’t seem to mind standing there with you at all, however. “No, it’s fine.” he reassured, “I really don’t mind. Besides, you’re pretty attractive yourself.” Wait-

He grins and continues “ Also, I was hoping that while I was getting your number, you could tell me what it was you were cooking in that pot, because I couldn’t figure it out.

--------------

Thank you for 100+ followers!!! idk why y’all are here but you are and I appreciate it.

[blisslilywrites]

𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑦 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠.

➵︎ You’re a fairy who accidentally wound up in this world, but with the help of a human you met, you’re hoping you’ll be able to find a way back

Pairing: Tsukkishima x Fairy!Reader Word Count: 1.6k [one-shot] Genre: fluff(?), fantasy Warnings: none

A/N: yepp this is pretty late but ive been busy lately plus i wasn’t rlly happy with how this turned out but figured might as well just post it -lily 

The ground glowed blue. Fallen leaves and loose pieces of grass started swirling around you. 

This is not good.

You saw a flash of white and suddenly fell through the ground. 

The world became dark. 

You screamed and flailed, flapping your wings out of instinct. It proved futile and you soon realized your surroundings were devoid of air. You were just… falling. 

As soon as you realized this, everything became light again and you saw the grassy ground approaching fast. You hit the ground with a thud a second later and knocked yourself out. 

When you woke up, you groaned and slowly got up. Turning around, you took in your surroundings. A few bushes sprouted here and there, grass that extended in all directions, and a smooth gray pathway that cut through the vibrant green. 

That’s odd. There aren’t any pathways like this in the fairy kingdom. 

You shrugged. Ah well who knows what projects the higher-ups are cooking up. This might just be another one of them.

You didn’t actually think it was some project the senior fairies were working on. It was just a way of trying to reassure yourself, and it wasn’t exactly working. The moment you woke up, you knew you weren’t in the Fairy Kingdom anymore

The scenery here wasn’t that different from the ones at home but there was still something that felt off about it. Maybe it was the pathway, or maybe it was the way the wind that blew in your face smelled a bit old. It didn’t seem to have the same freshness as the wind from back home. You tried your best to brush it off and come up with a plan.

Deciding the best thing would be to follow the path, you spread your wings, picked a direction, and let the path guide you.

After what must’ve been hours of flying, both wings were exhausted and you resorted to using your legs. The sky had become a palette of reds and oranges. 

It’s dusk. That means the night folk should be coming out soon.

You shuddered remembering the last time you had a run-in with one of the night folk. Not wanting something like that to happen again, you picked up the pace.

A while later, you spotted two lights in the distance. It was coming closer and closer at an alarming pace. You froze on the spot and couldn’t move until you heard a loud, blaring sound and instinctively dived out of the way. 

The lights zipped past and you could see they belonged to a shiny moving box of sorts. It wasn’t a creature you were familiar with and the fear that was inside since you fell through the portal started to grow. 

You hurriedly got up and continued walking. The further you went, the colder it became. You huddled your thin wings around your arms and continued forward, not wanting to stop until you found something, anything, that could serve as shelter. 

The pathway sloped downwards and you could make out faint lights coming from the valley below. Hurrying forward, you spotted what looked like a town and immediately uncurled your wings and flew down to it. 

Upon closer inspection, this town was nothing like the towns of the fairy kingdom. Lights came from strange places and gave off a white tang. There wasn’t any grass here, save for a few patches here and there. Instead, the ground was all smooth. There weren’t many trees either and you wondered what these creatures used for their homes. Did they live in the huge blocks that covered the area? 

You were curious to know what creatures lived here, and even more so, if they were welcoming.

-----

Practice had just ended and Tsukkishima was all ready to go home. Yamaguchi had stayed home sick so it was just him walking home today. He put on his headphones and strode out of school and onto the sidewalk leading home. 

He was well past the school when he noticed a few street lights flickering. This area of town always gave him the chills. At this time of night, no one was out and the streets were ominously empty. It was also very quiet, which didn’t exactly bother Tsukkishima but always struck him as a bit off for some reason. 

He was about to turn a corner when he bumped into someone. Looking down, he saw something, or rather someone, fumbling to get up. The force of walking into Tsukkishima had knocked them down so he begrudgingly gave them a hand. Begrudgingly because he was Tsukkishima, because he didn’t know this person, and because they were dressed head to toe in what looked like huge leaves and flower petals. 

The oddly-dressed person ignored Tsukkishima’s hand and jumped up on their own. It was then he saw the insect-like wings protruding from their back. 

Thinking this person was probably just another dedicated cosplayer, he muttered an apology and continued making his way back home.

-----

You stared at the creature you had just bumped into. This one was unlike the shiny moving box in that it had features similar to fairies. 

It had a nose, two eyes framed by something unfamiliar to you, a band that extended across its head and covered the sides of it, two arms and two legs clothed in interesting-looking garments. It didn’t have wings but was carrying a sack of sorts over its shoulder. The creature was quite tall, taller than you by much, so you had to look up towards it. 

Before you could say anything, he muttered something lost to you and turned to walk away.

“Wait,” you called out, going after it.

The creature didn’t turn around so you kept calling. It finally did and looked at you with what seemed to be extreme perplexity.

“What do you want?”

You paused, not quite understanding what this creature was saying but sensing it was somewhat annoyed. 

Ohhh we don’t speak the same language. You smacked your head, ashamed of not realizing it sooner.

In one fluent motion, you took some golden-colored dust from a pouch by your side and sprinkled it on your lips, murmuring an incantation while doing so. 

“Can you understand me now?”

The creature looked unimpressed and merely looked at you before repeating, “What do you want?”

“Umm..well you see, I’m lost. Could you tell me where we are..?”

The creature looked even more unimpressed and in a sarcastic tone he answered, “Japan.”

“J-Japan..?” 

You’ve never heard of this Japan place before and you were starting to worry more.

“What? Don’t know what Japan is?”

You nodded sheepishly regretting not paying much attention in world studies class.

Now the creature just seemed to look shocked.

“Where are you from then?” it asked.

“The Fairy Kingdom,” you replied almost instantly. 

It narrowed its eyes and scowled, “Where are you really from?”

“I told you, the Fairy Kingdom.”

-----

Tsukkishima had no idea why he was still talking to this person. They were clearly unhinged. He told them they were in Japan like the smartass he was but they seemed to have never even heard of it. 

The Fairy Kingdom? Wings? Clothes made out of plants?? Yeah, they definitely needed help. 

He was about to walk away, again, when they flew in front of him. They flew, with their insect wings that were apparently not a prop. He blinked once, twice. 

“Could you--”

“You’re an actual fairy?” he interrupted.

“Uh yeah.”

“And you’re from the..Fairy Kingdom?” 

“Yes. That’s what I’ve been saying,” the fairy pouted and flapped their wings in a huff.

Tsukkishima found that action a little cute but kept it to himself. He was still processing all this.

You stopped pouting and fluttered to the ground. 

“Umm, so it seems I may have gotten myself a little lost and ended up here.” Looking up at him, you asked in your most pleading voice, “Could you maybe help me find my way back… please?”

He hesitated. He’s heard stories of deceiving fairies and how people said to not get into deals with them. Or maybe that was another fictional creature… Either way he wasn’t about to risk anything without the prospect of getting anything in return.

“What do I get? In return for helping you?”

“The satisfaction of doing a good thing?”

He shook his head, “Not good enough.”

“Ummmmm… I’ll owe you?”

“Hmm interesting offer,” he said with a smirk. “We can discuss that in detail later. For now, let’s go. It’s getting late.”

“Wait so are you going to help me?”

“Possibly.”

You cracked open a wide smile and jumped up in the air, flying alongside him as he walked down the path. 

“Thank you… What was your name? I didn’t quite catch it.”

“You can call me Tsukkishima.”

“Tsukkishima..that’s kinda long. I think I’ll just call you Tsukki,” you said with a grin. “By the way, my name’s Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

He cringed internally wondering what he had just gotten himself into. 

It’ll all be fine though. There’s no way this could be real. This was just some dream or hallucination brought on by his exhaustion from practice. Yes, that was it. He’ll gladly humor this fairy. It was just a dream anyway.

The next morning when he woke up, the first thing he saw was your face, wide-eyed curiously peering down on him.  

He let out a yelp and quickly reached for his glasses. 

Taking a deep breath, he calmed down and realized two things: he was late for school, and you were still here which meant… it wasn’t a dream after all.

A/N: qksnkd okk not my best fic,,, it feels incomplete somehow? idk maybe if i get some inspiration in the future i’ll consider writing more parts. also hoped tsukki wasn’t too ooc;-;

[ilkkawhat]

All the numbers. (If not all then pick and choose a handful to answer).

lol you’re really going for it anon, huh?? 😂 bless your heart. I’ll do all of them and then idk. if anybody wants to send any again, I’m sure I can have a different answer

(I did just answer 7 & 22 so I’ll leave those out. rest below the cut)

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

I guess if you count all of my active WIPs that have been sitting dormant for months or years, there’s those since I like. I know what I’m doing in pretty much all of them, just as I know what I’m doing in some of my unpublished WIPs, but I think I just need to be in a certain mood/energy to do certain ones (ie, Agony esp is a very heavy fic so I gotta be able to Deal with that)

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

I deleted those 😂😂😂 but some of my reeeeeealllllly old stuff is still out there and I cringe thinking about that and though I could easily delete those too, I’m keeping them just since the harddrive that has the docs for it is corrupted lol

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Just all over the place these days tbh. Even chapter to chapter it’ll change, I’ll write snippets in future chapters--and I’m talking like three or four chapters ahead--just to get it out there. But then there’s other days where I’ll sit and just write and not stop.

4) favorite character you’ve written

Nick Stokes, of course 💜💜💜

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

Any of the Macgyver characters outside of Jack. Cause though I’ll claim not to all the time, I do know that I know the CSI characters (though I’m surprised I’m able to write in their POVs outside of Nick.) I grew up with them. I have a bond with them. The mac characters? I’ve only known for like. two years now and not even that well anymore since I’ve stopped watching the show. 

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

Expanding on details. Almost every fic I write, I’ll read it again later and be like “ah shit I should have run with this idea...” but I guess that’s how I can do a sequel/missing scene

8) favorite genre to write

hurt/comfort (emphasis on the hurt, really I mean we’re talking like borderline horror)

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

See I haven’t really honed in on any one particular thing that inspires me to write. It comes out of nowhere, and the following list of things doesn’t like, always work. When I’m listening to a song. When I’m driving in the car. When I’m watching something unrelated to the source material (totes got some inspiring vibes watching Falcon and The Winter Soldier yesterday tbh lmao) When I dream. When I go on a walk. When people send me asks and I just go the fuck off and suddenly ten chapters later I’m writing a fic that they probably didn’t even want (coughSpecimenStokescough)

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I think the last couple times I’ve like, really written it’s been in silence. Definitely alone. Don’t got people to write around, really lmao (unless you count my parents being in other rooms with obnoxiously loud televisions and tablets)

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

All of it. And I’m sure it’ll keep improving.

12) your weaknesses as an author

Dialogue. I don’t know how people talk 😂

13) your strengths as an author

Detail, description, and I also like to think--emotion? but idk. It’s hard for me to assess my strength tbh

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

Oh YES! At least for the longer WIPs like Last Breath or Agony. And listen to it on a loop when I’m trying to brainstorm or write if I want to write with music on. I’ve been starting to link the playlists when I’m doing with the fic (which is not many so far)

(I think Hellbound is the only one-shot I made a playlist for that I didn’t share)

15) why did you start writing?

I honestly can’t remember, cause I think I’ve been writing stories (fan fiction or not) ever since I was in middle school?? Maybe even elementary? But I do feel like I had gotten more encouragement for it than drawing from the few people in my life that did actively cheer me on, and there’s just something about writing that is so...fulfilling? Esp since I can’t like. Just manifest the images or make the “movie” in my head, at least I can write them down and hopefully convey what I see/feel in my mind through words.

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

All my neglected OCs lmao. I did and I guess on some level still do want to make an original series.

In a chilling way Veronica also haunts me cause I realize how much of that like, darkness in myself I put in her. 

And Nick, well, he’s just always on my mind.

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

Just fucking go for it! Don’t give a shit if anybody will read it or not. Take your time, flesh out those details. Describe what you see, what they see, what they feel. 

If you think you’re going too far...you’re not. 

keep going

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

I mean any fan fiction I read in the past has probably influenced me on some level. I know that when I came back to CSI in 2018, reading all of kristen999′s nick whump def encouraged me cause I was like “oh...there’s others like me who like to see him hurt!?!?” and I do think that maybe sometimes after I read a fic, I might like. Try to incorporate those styles I see. The way words are described, sentences constructed. Not like, copy of course but I feel like a long time ago my writing wasn’t really idk, novel-like? very short, almost read like a script whereas now, since I’ve seen the way people write their stories (some novel length stories, too), I flesh mine out a lot more.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I don’t 😂 Thinking of my bigger projects like Agony, I do just kind make up some of it as I go with a rough outline although sometimes it is a bit more detailed--like First Flight actually has a super detailed outline but I know that once I start writing, something might come up, some twist I didn’t think of before--or even one that somebody suggests to me, but idk I feel like I do have a way of tying everything together regardless? Cause especially with those bigger WIPs I will try to go back and re-read if something seems familiar or if I’ve forgotten a detail, or if I’m planning on diving back into it after a long break from it. 

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Depends. I feel more accomplished with the long sit down sessions so I target that, but lately it’s been little spurts with maybe one big dump at the end of the week.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

Mostly cringe, but there are times I’m like “holy shit this is really good???” 

like I remember recently I re-read Agony and loved it, when I wanted to delete it maybe like. a week before that. I think it honestly depends on my frame of mind, and why I’m going back to read the fic? Cause I’ve had times where I’m like “wait what was this one?” and then I read it and laugh at how bad it is, but then other times where I’m like, “I wanna read that one fic I did...” and then I do and it makes me happy.

But, I will always kinda criticize at the same time--”aw, I could do this better, I could have expanded on this,” etc

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

My life is suuuuuuper boring so. not really lmao. One of my earliest CSI fics that actually created what I consider to be my number one OC (she’d be the lead in that original series I mentioned earlier) came out of me sitting and staring into a campfire lmao. 

also there was this teacher I had (one of those good IRL supports) that told me a story of something that happened to her (or was it her daughter?) and I turned it into a story (back in my teen days) so. I guess there are somethings. 

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Expert? No. But I will do numerous google searches to try and figure some stuff out and get lost in a rabbit hole of “research” for a while and hope that when I do write it, it comes off as I know what I’m doing when really, I do not lol.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

haven’t really written much in this past week, and certainly nothing to be proud of, but this line hit me like a ton of bricks for Specimen Stokes and I’m in love with it:

“Because, my dear specimen, I wanted to see if you loved the danger...or if you loved me.”

[happikattwuzheere]

im being deeply unproductive today, but in my defense i got a set of several complex pictures for the video project done last night, and i still have to actually assemble the files for editing and ill get to that but first let’s bust through some more of this backlog of deer boy au sketches and talk about ronan this time 

this is a LONG one probably, and also, yknow, because its ronan and esp because as you may have noticed he’s not exactly human in this au, there’s gonna be some discussion here of good ole ronan lynch angst-with-regards-to-his-existence-and-religion, so like, heads up there? and. discussion of like. some very sad things, but very very briefly. less discussion and more mention of them. look its ronan idk what to tell you aside from i have at least managed to avoid mentioning kavinsky for now so its not as bad as it could be anyway

(this is probably extremely rambly even for me, im so sorry. i can explain any number of things mentioned here in more detail if anyone would like) 

SO. ronan’s a cambion, at least by dnd terminology, idk how that term gets used in other contexts but the point here is he’s half-human and half-demon, BUT, v important to explain, even tho the characters don’t initially know this and it’s something they work out over time, demons are not necessarily devils; or, more accurately, there’s a category of creature that is not a fey but is somewhat fey-adjacent, follows their own very different set of rules to fey law and are reliant on ley lines in ways similar to a lot of fey beings and spaces, and that category of creatures was granted the name “demons” because that word already exists and this type of creature’s so misunderstood that people mistook them for devils. Whether the biblical demon also exists in this au i havent decided on and dont much plan to because its not super relevant 

BUT. taking inspiration from the horrible bee from canon, demons are, essentially, beings that are created due to a high degree of tragedy on a ley line, and the rules they operate by as well as their motivations are determined by the shape of that tragedy which created them. for example: the hornet demon from the books would be an example of what happens due to violence and bloodshed; it was born of blood shed in anger and life wrongly taken and as a result it exists only to destroy. however, not all demons are evil. example: take, say, a succubus (no stay with me hold on), like the one that niall lynch hooked up with made a deal with over in ireland one day. 

a succubus in this sense is a demon which is born of miscarriage; and they’re Like That because there, the tragedy is not one of destruction, but of lost potential and a life that never came to be. so a succubus is driven to make up for that lost potential in the form of, yknow, making another baby happen, 

and its that power of potential that is also why ronan’s got power over dreams still, it’s aaaall about creation and potential. and his mother, who he never actually met, she hecked off but niall kept the baby, wasn’t evil. just. operating on a different morality system but one which had no interest in hurting anybody. she’s still kicking around in ireland somewhere

RONAN meanwhile still has his two brothers, haven’t figured out yet if matthew’s still a dream thing or not, but. niall never got around to explaining how the demon thing worked before dying because it’s niall he’s terrible at explaining things. but ronan started being able to shapeshift p young--he’s got a fully human form, a fully demonic form, and a form that’s generally called hybrid but really he can shift to anywhere along the spectrum or just pop the wings or the tail out etc etc etc. his brothers both know ronan’s not human, its a family secret, its all chill, except then one day ronan shifts out the wings to help save a baby bird that fell out of a tree and someone outside the family sees that happen and from there things just get real bad and the lynches have to leave ireland in a hurry 

ronan’s demonic form actually ends up being strongly influenced by his own opinion of himself as he grows up; the church has him filled with enough doubt that he grows the horns and becomes more hulking and frightening and all that jazz, and he suspects that he would be burned or expelled from a church’s grounds if he were to shift forms on sacred ground, so he never tries it (he would not, because, as was previously stated, his mother isnt evil, but he doesnt know that) and he just. he hides it real hard. especially after niall gets himself murdered before ronan can finally just ASK about his mother

but! before that happens he meets gansey, who has a lot of interest in the fey and a theory that’s not quite right but is on the right track about demons being some poorly understood class of fey rather than something evil and that gives ronan a lot of hope for a while

yknow until he sees how much iron effs up someone who’s even got a LITTLE fey blood in them when adam gets shot and how when ronan holds that same arrowhead that put adam in so much pain it doesn’t hurt at all, rip 

he tells them that he’s a cambion well before he shows them the alt forms because there’s a point where he feels that they ought to know esp since ronan’s back to existential dread over what exactly he is, it’s kavinsky who ends up forcing him to shift in front of them for the first time, the whole kavinsky thing’s gonna DEFINITELY take at least one post all on its own a lot happens there, but for now: this is why ronan knew that pryderi wasn’t a normal deer (that and also because pryderi is a white tailed deer, which dont exist in england, so ronan was like, thats. thats not a real animal thats gotta be a fey) and also leads to some fun between him and noah because noah, unbeknownst to ronan, has decided that he and ronan are in fact engaged in a game of chicken to see who gets caught/outed for what they really are first. 

(ronan and gansey dont know what kind of fey noah is exactly. ronan assumes he’s something weak like a brownie. noah is definitely not a brownie) 

uhhh any more thoughtsssss 

last picture’s unfinished because idk why ronan’s fully demonic form is so hard for me to DRAW but he’s shaped roughly like beast from the disney movie, except as a big bird monster. also if ur someone he likes and you sleep using him as a pillow it’ll be the best sleep of your life w/ really good dreams and ronan also sleeps v well, its a thing that happens, ronan is in fact the best pillow 

[starliightxo]

JAPAN INTERVIEW - Victoria Carmichael 

WHO ARE YOU?

what’s your star sign? (Pass cause Katie is slow)

what’s your favourite holiday? Halloween; are you surprised?

what colour are your eyes? Brown

if i went on to your spotify right now, your most played song would be what? Hit me baby one more time

do you read much? I do actually but it's mainly non fiction; I like history

where did you grow up? London (?)

when it comes to siblings; are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child? Middle

what were you like in high school? Pretty much exactly who I am now, to be honest. I don't think I've changed much at all. I found who I was and who I wanted to be quite early in life and I've stuck to it. I'm just me.

if you could be any magical creature, what would you be? A witch

where is your happy place? Spain has kind of become that place for me! I also love lakes at night time, looking up at the stars.

can you tell us about a hobby you have that has NOTHING to do with your career? Does being loud and opinionated count?

CAREER STUFF

which academy do you attend? Academia Burgundy

do you have a routine that gets you in the right frame of mind for work? An empty room or studio and music at full volume.

can you give us some insight into your next big project? It's another exhibit for another location.. I can't tell you much right now but it's coming

if you weren’t at a talent academy, what occupation would you be working towards? I feel like I'd want to be a cop or something

are you a ‘work hard, play hard’ or a ‘work hard, sleep hard’ type? Work hard, sleep hard

what’s your proudest moment in your career so far? Getting the chance to show my work in a gallery famous for showcasing Van Gogh

do you remember where you were when you realised you were accepted into your academy? I think I was at home

did you get rejected from any academies? do you care anymore? No, I don't really remember to be honest because I got into the ones I wanted to visit and consider.

what is your DREAM achievement? I want to live somewhere that gives me constant inspiration.

finish the sentence: “when it comes to my career, my goal is to make sure that...” I'm always true to myself.

SPILL THE TEA

are you single or taken? Single

what’s your snapchat score? High but I barely use it anymore

read us your last received text... "Always!"

would you ever date a fan? I'm not very good at dating but I'm down to get to know anyone cool

how could somebody go about getting your attention? Talk art or artists or the beauty you see in certain places in the world. I also like a healthy debate where both sides are acknowledged even of there's disagreements

have you ever stalked an exes socials? No

have you ever stalked an exes new partners socials? No

which song best describes your last crush or relationship? Relationships = BOYSHIT & for crush = Quit by Ruby Rosini or I Miss You

have you ever used tinder? No

who on tour would you most like to see naked? I'm lucky enough to have already seen them naked so I'll keep that between us

who’s the most annoying person on tour? Peter. Both.

which person on tour would you NOT let your hypothetical son or daughter date? Peter. Both.

what’s the grossest thing you’ve ever done? Fell for a guy who was lying in every single breath. Gross.

have you ever peed in the shower? You're lying if you say no

who is one person on tour that you trust more than anything? Kitty & Addy

BRING ON THE FUN

what kind of drunk are you? I get louder with opinions and always need the last word OR if I like you then i get super affectionate and seductive oops

if you could spend a day inside one movie, which would it be and why? Alice in wonderland Julian Kingsley's remake cause!!!!

if you could have any piece of music play whenever you entered a room, what would it be? Smells like teen spirit. Idk if it fits or works in any way.. it's just my favourite of all time

everybody has ONE word tattooed on their head that most describes who they are, what does yours say? Opinionated

if i came round your house for a dinner date, what would you cook me? Grilled cheese

do you have any guilty pleasures or weaknesses? It's weird but I think my sister, Lou. She's the only spark in the family that holds me.

say a word that you HATE the sound of... emo

what is one country you have no desire to visit that other people do? England

if you could rename yourself, what would your name now be? I like Victoria. It's old fashioned and hello? Queen Victoria was the badass of the female world.

if these were your famous last words, what would you say? Peter did it.

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

Hi me again. I’m new to your blog so sorry if you’ve answered this before but what do you think of Kat Bjelland ? And Kat Bjelland in relation to Courtney Love? Do you prefer one over the other? I know this is a cliche question but I’d really like your opinion. You answer stuff in a really detained smart way. Your musical opinions are interesting.

Thank you!!! No it’s all fine it’s not cliche, i like answering music questions! Just prepare for a lot of reading cause i write A LOT haha.

Ok, so obvious things first. Yes, Kat is a better musician than Courtney Love. 2nd, she’s talented & interesting guitarist. She’s much worse lyric writer than Courtney Love. I like Katastrophy Wife music better than Babes in Toyland. 5th, i like Courtney more & these days I’m rather a casual fan.

Now, discussions „who wore those dresses first” is pointless, cause NEITHER of them wore babydolls first. Kim Shattuck of The Muffs was first. As well as that Divinyl chick. I think Courtney took babydoll ideas overall from Kat, in 1989 she kinda copied the look, but NOT LATER. Further, I have another theory: Courtney might have stolen black babydoll dresses from Kat, but Kat stole Courtney’s lacy white dresses & bleach blonde look. I think Courtney said somewhere she looked for white dresses specifically to avoid looking like Kat, then Kat got a bleach job and white dresses and sorry, but if anything, she made herself look like Courtney. Bruise Violet imo did her more wrong than right. They made that video implying Courtney is the doppelganger but to people unfamiliar with the whole feud it seemed like Kat is copying Courtney instead. She wasn’t even the only one to pull that trick: The Nymphs chick dressed as Courtney for a video too. Kat look nice and stuff, but in my opinion she only likened herself to Courtney at that point in time.

I don’t know if it makes sense, but in my opinion Kat was more „kinder” and Courtney was more „whore” (Courtney haters can stop laughing, I don’t mean it in a wrong way). I’m talking about pieces of the style. I think it was Courtney that coined the term??? Anyway, Kat Bjelland had much more pretty doll-like look while Courtney had that ragged, destroyed, provocative, literally kinder-whore style. Kat looked quite tidy and neat in those clothes. So they presented the opposite aspects of the style. But in my opinion Courtney Love fits the style better. No disrespect to Kat, but sometimes her dresses looked badly fitted, too big, etc. I’m talking about white dresses, she looked hot in black.

To be honest, I’m MUCH LESS impressed of Babes In Toyland than a few years ago. The music is good, but I became really disappointed with Kat and Lori Barbero after they fired Maureen Herman. Maureen convinced them to reunite, but then she got fired for ridiculous and disappointing reasons. If you don’t know what happened, Jackie Fox of the Runaways came out with confession that she was raped in 1975 by their manager, which was kept secret by other members of the band. Maureen was a rape survivor too and wrote an essay in support of Jackie & if i remember correctly she called out Joan Jett, cause Joan Jett apparently was the witness of the whole thing and never said anything (which is really fucked up, even if she was scared that leaves sour taste). Lori Barbero had a side project on Joan Jett’s label & became paranoid that Joan Jett will fuck them out because of that essay, so she wanted Maureen out. I found it:

“Kat gave me a list of seven grievances that Lori had for why I should be kicked out of the band,” Herman says, calling the list "ridiculous." "The catalyst, Kat told me, was writing the article about Jackie Fox, because [Lori] felt that me being critical of Joan Jett threatened Lori’s business relationship, which I had no idea even existed. With Kat’s help, I wrote a response to her grievances, trying to acknowledge my part in any of these things, and a willingness to try and work it out. What I did not apologize for was the article, because there’s nothing to apologize for. Kat never wanted me out of the band. Kat tried vehemently to keep me in.”

Herman says she eventually reached Barbero by phone, and says she was met with the response, “Kat was supposed to fire you.” A half an hour later, Herman says, she received a text from Bjelland reading, “Sorry, you’re done.”

And of course they deny it but i believe Maureen Herman. And that really made me disgusted with Babes In Toyland, so much that I wouldn’t listen to them at all for the next 5 years. I only got back into them this year. I lost my blind love for them tbh, music is good & I can listen to their songs when I’m in a mood, but it’s not like the best band in the world to me.

I used to think Kat is very cool, but now I actually like Courtney Love much more. It’s not that I hate her, but I like her less than before. Especially since Kat is always this „cooler” one. I don’t find Kat relatable at all, especially since she was a heading cheerleader and grade A student, lol.

Oh, also there’s one more thing that Kat says that’s always funny to me. She says „Courtney wanted to be famous and I wanted to play music”. People that don’t want any level of fame/success/recognizability don’t tour states/UK or sign with major labels, they play at home, or at some local hillybilly barbecue shows at most. If she didn’t want fame, she wouldn’t sign with Reprise Records, a huge label, literally part of Warner Bros.  

I know it may look as if i really didn’t like Kat Bjelland or something, which is not really true. I know with Courtney, i kind of cut her some slack a lot, over the time I grew much more compassionate towards her, even if she seems fame hungry. Don’t get me wrong, Kat is an inspirational guitarist , but I can’t help that I’m much less impressed by her these days. I like her music, i reblog photos but idk. I’ll be honest, i have some mixed feelings now. So i like Courtney better, but Kat is great too, she for sure has a very original & distinctive playing style, good looks & angry screaming singing style which is kind of dead now because everybody goes for Lana Del Rey styled dream pop vocals.              

My favourite band of her is Katastrophy Wife.  

Thanks for questions! people go send me asks if you want, i like writing

[risthebrave]

okay so i was going to send in an ask for the director’s cut thing, but there were too many fics i wanted to ask about 😭 i’ll send them in but PLEASE keep in mind you don’t have to do them all i feel bad dmfjsjf

move so pretty (you’re all i see), sleeping on our problems, works like a charm, just a flicker in the dark, and sweet like honey

ahhh omg thank you for sending these in! i’m so sorry for how long it took to get out - i may have forgotten about it shjkskss also i don’t mind talking about all of them but i’m definitely going to keep each one short. you can find them under the cut:

move so pretty (you’re all i see) ~

this fic was started initially when i was doing word prompts using curiouscat! people would send me words and i’d write a quick little drabble/snippet... they’re typically around 300-ish words but i got the word “owns,” and maybe got a bit carried away? i think that prompt ended up being 1k words - too long to post using cc so i had to take screenshots and post as separate tweet. 

the idea that came to me was something i love to read in fics: one of them walking in on the other masturbating. i didn’t intend for it to become anything more than that snippet but i what can i say? i got intrigued. my brain helpfully provided a backstory: best friends, harry maybe having feelings for louis but not wanting to ruin their friendship... 

fast-forward three days and i posted an 11k fic shjssks

this was my first attempt at writing a pwp so that was an interesting experience!!! i’m too obsessed with giving backstories and arcs to ever write just pure smut but this is the closest i’ve gotten??? 5.5k/11k being smut, that is. and for once coming up with the title wasn’t too hard because there’s one song i always think of when it comes to best friends to lovers and that’s lucky!! 

i don’t really know what else to say for this one! i remember sarah and i both wrote and posted pwps in a short span of each other so that was fun... she’s actually the one who motivated me to finish and post this fic instead of just letting the idea go. and her dog ended up in the story: chica <3 my absolute favorite <3333

sleeping on our problems ~

welp. this fic was a struggle for a long time. idk if i’ve talked about it on this blog but this fic was initially an exes to lovers fic!!! where they spent harry’s rut together right before breaking up and then louis finds out he’s pregnant and angst ensues. 

changing it to a one-night stand (even though it wasn’t only one night shjksks) ended up being a really good decision in the way that this new version of the story required a lot less angst and reflection of their past relationship, choices, actions!! that first fic was going to be a lot heavier i think shjsks but i really love how it turned out!!

barring the main tropes, the progression of the story and the outline itself changed so. much. in the process of writing... i found an earlier saved version of my outline and the story is almost completely unrecognizable haha. and actually the most recent saved version of the outline is also not 100% accurate to the final story because for the last 10k of the story, i was flying completely free shjsksk. 

also, even after i finished the fic, i went back and added two scenes the next day so it’s safe to say i changed so much of this story -- it was never supposed to be that long either hsjsksk the goal was 48-50k and i thought i was being optimistic!

somewhat in the same vein but also really different: this fic was one of the first fics i ever wrote out of order! before this, i had switched around maybe a couple times when writing a fic but mostly stuck to chronological order. but in this one i kept getting stuck with certain scenes and decided that i’d never reach my goal of finishing unless i switched to parts of the story i had the inspiration to write in the moment instead of getting stuck on one single part i had no motivation for. it really helped the process and i’ve been switching around ever since. 

another thing that really helped me actually finish this fic was the motivation and encouragement of people on twitter and i’m still so appreciative of it now :’) there’s no way i could have finished this fic without the kind words and well wishes of my mutuals!!

(also - i included an easter egg in this fic from another one of my fics... i suppose that’s sort of the type of insight that fits for these things? the ballet louis and harry saw in new york was swan lake <3)

works like a charm ~

ooo i wrote this fic for my friend’s birthday!! she loves hp aus and slytherin hl so it was just a given that i write that for her. i was on a deadline - pretty sure i made the doc on september 4th, aka nine days before i posted - and i hadn’t had my full outline done when i started which is is... let’s just say very uncommon. 

this is another example of me going off outline and changing the story as i went because initially the estimation was about 12k and the basic plot was that after they’d fuck for the first time, they’d immediately talk about the past and resolve those misunderstandings. but when i got to that point, i realized it felt too rushed for how the story was progressing so i extended it a bit and added some more *tension* and *miscommunication* until they finally got their shit together!

also i feel like some would find louis’ blatant lies when interrogated about his feelings for harry to be unrealistic but as someone who has definitely done the exact same thing (lmao - without the happy ending), i find it a definite possibility. and i mean, we all say stuff we don’t mean under pressure - whether it’s to louis’ (and my) extent or not. 

another thing i remember about this fic was having to work out with sarah - who was also posting a fic for this friend’s birthday - posting times and dates. we eventually agreed that she’d post first and i’d post the day after (neither were the actual day of the birthday because we were both running late!) this is a conversation we proceeded to have many other times since we both have made habits of birthday fics and we pretty much have the same friends. 

all of this was also happening in sync with us writing a fic together for our other friend’s birthday which was on the 8th... yes it was exactly as chaotic and stressful as you’re thinking but also fun! and i love all three fics involved!! haha. 

just a flicker in the dark ~

okay this fic is definitely my favorite thing i’ve ever written and i’ve said that before many, many times but it’s true! but it too changed so much from the initial idea to the final end product. 

in fact, the original idea was a 20k somewhat-crack fic where harry was a ghost and louis was the paranormal investigator trying to get him to stop haunting this house. it was just supposed to be a quick and fun halloween fic to work on while finishing up my first blff and finally making head way on my abandoned second blff... obviously, that changed drastically. 

it initially started with me getting the idea of louis and harry being partners and enemies. and then i was thinking... why not throw exes on top of it while we’re there??? that was completely self-indulgent since exes to lovers is my favorite trope of all time. but the idea was still that they were paranormal investigators trying to work a case on a haunted house and though the estimated wc had raised to 35k, i was still hoping that it’d be quick and easy because i had two other projects that needed a lot of my attention. 

then came the first day of october. i woke up after having the craziest dream about louis and harry and the ghost that was not really a ghost. i ended up writing about 7k that thursday and the story really just took shape from there. the first sequence i wrote was actually the scene where louis goes into the backyard and ends up in the pocket dimension where the spirit imprints on him - i think it was a 3.5k scene and it just flew out of me sjksjsk. after that i took a small break to start my outline but it was more of a messy list of ideas and details and things i wanted to include than my usual organized format. the next scene i wrote that day was the scene where louis is in the bedroom and the demon is there but harry is not but then he is (i’m so good at describing things, right?) that’s actually one of my favorite scenes i’ve ever written and the funny thing is that i barely even knew all the details of the demon plot by this point but my hands just kept typing and my brain had the tendrils of the story forming and that amazing feeling that this is something good. 

i could ramble on forever about the process of writing this fic but i’ll just say that it’s the most fun i’ve ever had writing anything ever. word-building and supernatural elements are my favorite and getting to delve into those things here was so much fun! the entire process took twenty-five days (spanning from october 1st to october 28th - with a small three day break to focus on finishing miss wedding au!!) and though i did have some small struggles and moments of writer’s block, for the most part the story just came to me. and it’s so amazing to me because i didn’t even have all the details and facets of the plot until louis did too but it ended up working out??? if anything, it showed his process of figuring things out really well because it was the process of me figuring things out!

also this was the first time i heavily featured a fic pet in a fic and i fell as much in love with venus as everyone else did :’) she has my heart, truly <3 i love this world and these characters so so much and i hope to return to it sometime in the future!

sweet like honey ~

whooo, okay, this fic... yikes. this fic was a capital s Struggle. 

so basically this fic was written for the blff and though it came out first, it was the second prompt i signed up for, prompt 63: Friends to lovers AU where Harry and Louis are best friends and flatmates in Uni and they both need money, Harry for his gym membership and Louis for cute stuff like sanrio plushies, so they decide to film homemade porn videos together. Louis is shy and sweet and maybe inexperienced and Harry kinda doms him.

i remember the exact moment i saw the blff post on tumblr about it being allowed to sign up for another prompt from that point on - i was sitting at the counter at my friend’s ranch’s kitchen eating crepes and browsing on my phone. i saw the post and immediately signed up for this prompt because it had been my second choice and though i love love loved my first prompt so much, i was disappointed at not being able to write this one... but i did!

the idea and basic outline was actually completed way back in july/august but for some reason i just couldn’t make any actual progress on it for so long??? i’m pretty sure the document was stuck at 5k for over three months shsjksks to be fair, i did keep pushing it to the side in favor of other newer fics but i was just experiencing the biggest barrier when it came to this story and characters. 

in fact, i actually reached out to the mods in late october about a potential extension - they informed me that all writers could use a two week extension if needed and i figured that would be fine. however, i didn’t end up using it! within the first few days of november, i managed to pull the wc up to 8k by the skin of my teeth (was still majorly struggling) - i was still sure i’d need an extension but then something really awful but in this case, helpful, happened... 

election week. 

basically, i’m a big stress-writer. writing is what i do when i’m upset or anxious or stressed because it truly is my happy place. i wouldn’t say writing during that week made me feel much better about everything going on but it provided a distraction. so much though that i went from 8k to 24k in the span of a few days... and i have absolutely no recollection of writing any of it. 

not only did i not need any extension, i also somehow ended up finishing early by a few days. and i really liked what i had!! or what i remembered of it anyway shjskks.

one thing i remember really focusing on in terms of these characters and dynamic was having it actually just be them starting as friends and developing feelings later. i feel like a common trope in friends to lovers fics is having one or both of them with pre-existing feelings that they feel is unrequited. obviously there’s nothing wrong with that (i’ve written it myself lol) and it’s a common trope for a reason - because it’s good - but i wanted to try something a little different. them actually filming these videos is what acted as the catalyst to them beginning to view their relationship with new eyes and open the door to the eventual feelings that developed. 

i also had so much fun writing harry’s pov in this one haha. i feel like this version of him was really bold and shameless and super easy for me to develop. 

this is also the closest i’ve ever gotten to meeting my estimation word count... ever. my estimate was 32k and it ended up at 33k!!! and yes i’m more proud of that than i should be lol

-

anyways, i pretty much just rambled but if anyone sees this and gets some good insight out of it, then yay! feel free to send more director’s cut inquiries!! i love doing them (even if it takes me weeks - sorry again!)

[gophergal]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻!!! You don't have to answer 5 if you don't want to. Also, my guinea pigs says hi. :3

YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY ABILITY TO RAMBLE BRO

1. I feel really bad for not having written for a few months, but I also know that writing when I don't feel inspired to is like pulling teeth. I just really want to get a few ideas on the page and out of my head. Specifically, I have a long form Normal Michael AU in mind that I love dearly, but can't bring myself to start. I guess I just don't want to quit anymore fic projects. Like, I had one from when I was in the Hetalia Fandom that was a fallout 3 au and I've gone back and read it. It's actually not that bad, I'm just sad I'll never finish it. I want to, but I'm really not the same person who started it, so I don't think I could do anything with it.

2. Speaking of writing, I have so many projects in mind, but here's another one I can't bring myself to write and abandon! So, I've spoken before about a gay little surreal fantasy story I wrote in freshman year. Well, I've really wanted to rewrite it!! But!! It's so much effort!!!! I can tell you a little about it:

so, a boy (I imagined him to be like 17 or something) has become the man of the house due to his father passing of an illness during the previous autumn. It is late winter and his mother and sisters desperately need him to bring home game to eat. All hope is nearly lost- then he finds a glorious, shining white stag in the woods. The majestic creature does not move, nor even react as it stares at the boy, his bow pointed at it. Ultimately, he decides it would be a great loss for the world should he kill it, and spares it. The rest of the hunt is smooth and full of luck, and he takes home enough for his family to last well into spring. A few years after that desperate winter, a newcomer moves to the village: a smith with pure, silvery hair.

3. I know that all I've posted here for y'all to read has just been VERY straight forward smut with feelings, but I love surreal stories. Horror, fantasy, drama? I don't care, I love surrealism. There's just something both comfortable and unnerving about it. I guess it's just because it reminds me of my own dreams, which are truly a mixed bag of scary and sad. A while back, as in a year or so, I had a dream that my mom faked her death and came home. I cried really hard when I woke up and just had a piss poor day after. A few months ago I had a very disturbing and graphic dream about twin Nicholas Cage farmers brutalising eachother. That one actually shook me to my core upon waking. I was scared and confused at first, but it faded within my first hour of consciousness. Then there are just the really weird Lewd Dreams which, idk man, I completely disagree with the guys who say that we dream only of things we wish to have.

4. I've noticed that a big part of why I haven't really done any big projects lately is because I get worried that if I don't post actual art very often, the three to five people that actually follow me because they like what I do will forget all about me. Being forgotten, even online, is a huge fear of mine. Like, that's what I fear about death and aging, not the pain of the nothingness, the being forgotten after. That's one of the reasons that the amnesia tropes make me so sad! Like, example being botw, cause I'm a bit obsessed again. Link doesn't remember anything at first, and then it's implied that his memory is patchy afterward. Is he the same person? Zelda is heavily implied to be in love with him, but imagine being in that situation. The person you once loved no longer remembers you. They're far different now and don't have the same qualities you cherished... Would you still love them, or just the ghost that exists in your mind every time you look at them?

5. OK SORRY THAT'S BEEN REALLY SAD. UHHHH, HAPPY THOUGHT NOW-

I love that I've been basically adopted as a mom/big sister friend to some of my friends. I have a friend IRL who goes to my school that's still 14 so she calls me Art Mom. It's so funny to me, I'm one of the least motherly/nurturing people I know! I guess it's also fun that I've been adopted as daughter/little sister friend too. They're both a bit funny since they're so different. That's the neat thing about human interaction I suppose! No matter what, your relationship to two different people will never be the same! My dynamic with my bff irl is very different to my bff online. For example, IRL bff and I are so close that people have genuinely confused for sisters or girlfriends depending on the situation. When we have sleepovers, we cuddle every time. It's great. She's been there for me for years and I'm so grateful for her every day. Online BFF and I have our entire dynamic based on respecting boundaries. We both are checking in with the other frequently to be sure that we're both comfortable. That's very different from many other friendships I've had. Like, believe it or not, I'm very reserved and quiet irl! Usually, the first boundary that gets stepped over is my Bad Social days where speaking is really difficult for me. Online BFF just needs to see me say "hey sorry, it's a bad social day and I'm having trouble talking" and they get it. They're so patient with me, even when I don't feel deserving and - UGH I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS GODDAMN IT WHY ARE Y'ALL SO NICE?????

[ijustwant2write]

‘We’ve both had a shitty day, so let’s just stay in and cuddle.’-Tony Stark x Reader

(GIF credit to @fyeahmarvel)

Requested by anonymous

Summary: ‘Hi idk if you are taking requests but if so, can you write something along the lines of "we've both had a shitty day so let's just stay in and cuddle in silence and enjoy each others presence" for Tony? Thanks!’

Characters: Tony Stark x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: FLUFF

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My pen tapped against my desk, desperate to come up with an idea for this newly planned building. I had to come up with a design for a swanky, modern looking museum; it was only the rough draft but nothing came to mind. Whenever I started something, I would look back to my research, finding that I had basically copied the pictures I printed off for inspiration. Groaning to myself, I sink back into my chair, rubbing a hand down my face. This was my dream job, I absolutely loved working here, but right now I was a standstill and it was frustrating me to no end.

Reaching for my phone, I checked the time, smiling at the lock screen. It was of Tony, he hadn't known I was taking a picture as he worked in his lab, focusing all his attention on a helmet. I still had two more hours at work, needing to come up with something soon. I decided to take a few minutes to myself, heading out of my office to the staff room. A colleague of mine, Susan, stood waiting for the coffee to brew. We greeted each other, though it was half hearted on her side, her attention on the TV. After setting my mug beside hers, I watched too, suddenly wishing that I had stayed in the office.

"Another meeting was held today with Tony Stark and the board of governors, for their discussion about the protocols needed to protect Earth. However it is reported that the superhero lost his temper over the debate, storming out of the meeting before collapsing."

Susan glanced at me, though my eyes were glued to the TV. Of course everyone knew that he and I were in a relationship, so times like this could be awkward; everyone had their own opinions, most kept to themselves though there was always one that had to speak out.

"Hey, you OK?" she asked.

"Yeah...uh, I gotta call him."

Dashing out of the room, I went back to my office, dialing Tony's number along the way. It rang a few times before he picked up, and I was relieved he was answering.

"Tony, are you alright? I saw what happened on the news." I rushed.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It just got a bit too much, that's all." he replied, his voice drab.

"Thank god. I'll come home now."

"No, no don't worry about me. They checked me over, I'm fine. It's just that the human body can't run on coffee alone. Apparently it needs actual food and sleep, did you know that?"

His sarcasm was a good sign."Funnily enough, I did. If you're sure..."

"(Y/N), I've got Jarvis here, he'll alert you if anything happens, which it won't."

I sighed."OK, OK. I'll text you when I'm coming back. I love you loads."

"I love you too."

I knew not to pry into the situation yet. He was under so much stress, too much stress. And I wanted to speak to him in person. Reluctantly hanging up, I picked up my office phone instead, calling my manager, hoping I could get an early leave.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jerry, it's (Y/N). There's been an emergency at home and I was just wondering if I could get off a little early today? I'll make it up during the week, I promise."

"No can do (Y/N). I need you to stay later actually."

I tried to remain polite."Have you seen the news? Tony collapsed and-"

"Yes I have. Is he fine now?"

"Well, physically yes-"

"Then I'll keep you tonight. This is a big project for the company, and we can't afford to lose any time on it."

“You know what he’s been through, he shouldn’t be alone after something like this.”

“(Y/N), if you want to switch careers and be his carer, be my guest. However, if you want to keep your job, you’ll stay late and come up with an idea that will blow the board away.”

I couldn’t risk losing my job. Well, I could, Tony would look after me, but that wasn’t the point; I worked hard for this position, I earned it, and although it pained me to say it, I couldn’t lose it over this.

“Yes sir, sorry, just...just worried about him.”

“I understand, but I wouldn’t keep you if I didn’t need you.”

Somehow that conversation pushed me to get the job done. I knew I would be able to leave early, even if I finished the project and reviewed it a hundred times. But having it done sooner rather than later would settle my mind. I kept repeating to myself that Tony was fine (for the most part), he would be busying himself in his lab, distracting himself with his machinery or just being the genius he was. Before I started brain storming, I had messaged Happy, wondering why he hadn’t messaged me when this all kicked off, hopefully nothing had happened to him too But he replied with that was his orders from Tony, as not to worry me. I could never understand that about him, he still kept to himself sometimes, to ‘spare me the burden’. He was never a burden, ever!

When eight o’clock finally rolled round, I smiled, letting out a deep breath as I looked over my work. Everything was done, everything was where it needed to be. Filing my work away, I grabbed my things before exiting the now dark office, my pace quick as I texted Tony. At last, I could see my man and take care of him.

I had never parked up at home so fast in my life. Slipping off my heels, I scurried across the cold floor of the garage, dumping my bag on the couch and then running to Tony’s lab. Just as I had thought, he was sat in his lab, though he was nursing his head with an ice pack. Calming myself down, I opened the door, smiling as he turned to face me.

“Hi.” I softly whispered out.

He greeted me with a gentle kiss, holding me close with his free arm. I hugged him back, suddenly feeling tired from the day.

“Did you hit you head when you collapsed?” I asked, looking at the ice pack.

“Yeah, it’s not too bad. Mostly the stress.” He mumbled, setting the ice pack down.“How about your day? You didn’t happen to faint over anything did you?”

“No, not today. I just hate that they kept me late, I don’t understand why I’m the only person on the project as of now. Makes no sense.”

“Hey, it’s OK.” he kissed the top of my head.“At least they’re seeing the potential in you that I do.”

I giggled.“God, you’re so cheesy.”

“Hey, give me a break. I had a crap day without you beside me.”

“Isn’t that just everyday?”

“Oh, now you’re getting smart?”

“You’re not staying down here all night are you?” there was a hint of worry in my tone of voice.

“Well, I had reason to, until you came home.”

I scoffed a laugh, Tony laughing with me.“How hard did you hit your head?”

His usual joking manner came back.“I mean, I can stop at any moment, I just thought-”

I shook my head.“No, no, no, I’d like you stay like this a little longer please.”

“Alright,” he dragged out the word,“just for you.”

The rest of the night was thankfully peaceful. We had ordered take out, drank a bottle of wine between us, and ended up in bed like an old, married couple; and just like old people, we fell asleep straight away. When I woke, the peace had remained, Tony looking relaxed as he stirred awake. We cuddled tighter together, both still half asleep.

“You in work today?” Tony’s voice was raspy.

“Nope.” I simply replied.

“I have an amazing idea.”

“Go on Mr Stark, present your idea to the board.” I rubbed my eyes, trying not to fall asleep again.

“Well, we’ve both had a shitty day, so let’s just stay in and cuddle.”

“Hm, hold up, we must deliberate.” I paused for a few seconds.“We have come to a decision. We will accept your idea and put it into motion straight away.”

“Oh, the theatrics are too much this early.”

I slowed looked over my shoulder.“Tony, it’s twelve in the afternoon.” 

“Exactly.”

“But in all seriousness, I think that’s the plan for the day. How’s your head?”

“It’s fine. But let’s not talk about yesterday. Let’s just be together, whether we’re silent or not, and enjoy each other’s presence.”

“I don’t think that should be too hard.”

“Alright then, we will start right about....now.”

[gothsic]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. in his own head maybe

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. lol what fandom does jo have a fandom here???

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ???

Are they underrated?  YES / NO. / IDK. jo thinks he’s underrated does that count??

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — Jo is the master of his own story so yeah. I’m following my own canon and whatever I come up with to a T ( unless some good suggestions in writer’s workshops or even here come up! ). He is the main character of my limited series pilot that I hope to write soon called The Insomnia Trap.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Jonathan has many sides to him. The child of mixed Latinx parents and the youngest of three kids, he has had a relatively normal life ( save for early childhood, when he killed his mother by “accident” - should’ve mentioned that! ) and his very long goth phase in middle/high school, but always deemed himself to be on the outskirts of society. Because he was aware from a young age that he was simultaneously unwanted and unplanned, Jonathan came out of his upbringing with the idea that he never should have existed. This planted in him a very nihilistic, misandrist, and generally flippant view of the world despite pursuing his dream to work in comics and cartoons. Though he was hungry for recognition and dreamed of a world not on Earth, he often found himself to be a ghost wandering the streets of town, looking in on the people having fun in their homes without understanding why they were happy. His insomnia developed when he in his teens, though he still had trouble sleeping as a child after seeing his mother’s mangled corpse at the bottom of the stairs - his doing, of course. Whether he lives with the guilt or not is up to you to decide; it’s my personal feeling that there is a part of him, the human part of him, that feels horrible about what he did. He feels monstrous for it, in fact. This is part of the reason why, if he gets extremely close to someone, he warns them that he’s not a good person; the shred of good left in him. But he also feels his “metamorphosis” into the nihilist that he is today was inevitable, given that he was never supposed to exist in the first place. It should be mentioned, of course, that this nasty cocktail of things has not only stressed his insomnia, but he eventually was pushed into going to a sleep clinic to get to the bottom of his problems once and for all. He only encountered an extremely traumatic lucid dream that forced him to confront his past head-on. He was unable to save his rotting humanity ( D., a small girl that looked like his character Deirdre ), and was eaten alive by The Other, a creature that looked like a younger version of himself and eventually absorbed him into itself. He awoke, now in what can only be described as a constant lucid dream in waking life. He encounters monsters and hallucinations from his dreamspace frequently, and will sometimes see D.’s forest crop up in his backyard. To this day, he still believes D. is alive and well - and, of course, that the object of his obsession, the one person who ever understood him in his point of view, Annie Kaye, is going to one day return to him as he’s always dreamed. Sadly, she could want nothing less to do with his sorry ass.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —   Around the time that The Insomnia Trap was simply going to be a screenplay, I workshopped it every few weeks in my senior Screenwriting class in undergraduate school. The overwhelming response I got was that Jonathan was abhorrent, creepy, and the question a lot of people had was why we were following him versus Adri, his ex girlfriend who was documenting his struggles with insomnia. My only answer to this is that is the point - you aren’t supposed to necessarily like him, I instead invite you to understand why he does the things he does. I’m asking you to do something you don’t like, something that makes you uncomfortable, maybe. I don’t believe entertainment in any capacity should be forced to be all about how “great” a person someone is. He’s a horrible person you can observe at a safe distance, and pick apart - a real puzzle who has his nasty qualities and his strangely good qualities mixed into one. I’m not asking you to forgive him, either. I’m asking you to see him for what he is and judge him for yourself. Jonathan is a gigantic mess of things - he’s deeply traumatized, but has chosen to live a life where he’s given in to his narcissism and self-importance, and he’s deeply hurt many people in his life - the most obvious being Annie, whom he feels he “deserves” after suffering so much in his life ( sure... ). He is in many ways a deeply unlikable character, and I wrote him keeping this in mind. That said, he has his better qualities, though they’re few and far between, that I think can keep him human in the eyes of the audience ( his love of animals, guilt towards his mother’s death, his intense self hatred, his genuine love for his nieces and nephews and for children in general, etc. ). Since he’s the protagonist of The Insomnia Trap, I can only hope that he is a complex and interesting enough character to follow for audiences if/when the limited series gets picked up!

What inspired you to rp your muse?  — Jonathan is based off of a very long personal experience I had, and I’ve always been fascinated by intense psychological horror. The two things came together, at first, when I was 12 and simply evolved from there. Originally, the project was going to be an animated flash movie that was divided into parts - but that of course never happened, I was too young and too impatient to ever do that. Over time, I ended up focusing Jonathan’s character, and he first appeared in high school - sophomore year, actually, in a different context. He’s been in development for a very long time, in other words, and I grew fascinated with a variety of different concepts over the years that got incorporated into his story ( doppelgangers, lucid dreaming, revenge, obsession, tragic protagonists, etc. )! He is one of the most intimate characters I’ve ever created, and I love him to death.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  Music is a big one, there are specific songs I want to get the rights to use in the project if it ever gets made, and that really helps keep me focused on this blog and develop Jonathan further. Also, threading with my fellow muns and seeing how Jo evolves over time. What’s he capable of? Can he change? Is he capable of change, or is he afraid of it? These are questions that are asked with each character he interacts with, and I sincerely live for it. Also, drawing helps me out a lot too - maybe you’ll see The Insomnia Trap in webcomic form soon... just a thought!

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / no idea honestly lmao

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / depends!

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES - I also draw them! / NO, I HATE DRABBLES.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES! / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / sorta

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / though i can handle critique, film school definitely hardens you to that!

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I do. I’ve been explicitly told Jonathan is disgusting and totally unlikable by people to my face, and I have made leaps and strides to prevent my portrayal from going completely in the “this person is deplorable” category that was tempting to head towards. It’s easy to explore someone’s bad side rather than explore their good side, which I can forget about with him. That said, critique really does help me develop my writing further, and I desperately need it even if it can be hard to hear sometimes!

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I love questions. If people ask me questions, I do my best to answer no matter what they may be. They can be challenging sometimes, but that’s what makes it so fun!

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Sure, I’m happy to hear what people have to say. I may not agree with it, but hearing different perspectives is so important in my point of view.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  As well as I could. It can be frustrating, but everyone’s tastes are different, so I don’t really take it personally and move on. I’m really here to do what I want to do in the end, as the rest of us are, so I try to prioritize that over any negative feelings I might have.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  Again, I just let it be. I’m used to people not really understanding Jonathan or not caring for him while understanding him, and that’s fine! Everyone has their preferences for what they like in leading characters or just characters in general. He is a triggering character with very triggering themes, and I’m writing him from a very prolonged experience I had ( and it’s very cathartic ) so I can understand why people may not want to engage with him or with me. I’m perfectly fine with it and invite people to put themselves first, and I move on like I mentioned in the above question.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  Yes! Please go for it. I literally do not proof my replies before I post them half the time so feel free to let me know if I misuse words or put commas/colons/semicolons or whatever out of place.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   — I think so! I try to be open and inviting to everyone I speak to here, and always encourage people to come talk to me if they’d like to. No pressure though! Roleplay is for fun, and it shouldn’t be anxiety inducing or any kind of work - do things at your own pace here, that’s what I say ( though I’m trying to follow my own advice! ).

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @forseenclade !!. thank you flower... luv Tagging: whomstever wants to !! feel free to tag me so i can see !!

[ethandigby]

『 LANDON LIBOIRON ❙ GENDERQUEER 』 ⟿ looks like ETHAN DIGBY is here for THEIR SECOND year as a VISUAL ART GRAD student. HE is 27 years old & known to be DEDICATED, HONEST, STUBBORN & PESSIMISTIC. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ drew. twenty-two. est. he/him. ethan’s pinterest

trivia:

he really likes white cholate & hot chocolate, often eating handfuls of white chocolate baking discs regardless of the time of day. 

visual art major --- tends to stray towards sculptures and installation pieces, though he does have a love for bob ross style landscape pieces. draws a lot of inspiration from older art, and many of his pieces are designed to look worn-out and as though they are missing pieces. 

perpetually exhausted --- for all his love of schedules, he has never managed to consistently get enough sleep and though he loves tea, that never seems to have enough of an impact to truly wake him up ---- a.k.a he is a yawn prone little fuck

doesn’t quite believe the local legends, though he doesn’t dismiss them outright either. the statue by wishing tree has, however, made it into several of his works ---- statues seem to have her facial features without him ever meaning to and he will swear to anyone that asks that in sophomore year of his bachelor’s degree he woke up one morning to her face staring at him from amongst the trees on a painting he had been working on. he will hesitantly add that it’s possible that he had just been thinking of her while half asleep, though ethan doesn’t really believe that

currently working as a TA for some of the freshman art classes, as well as overseeing the use of the different art studios from time to time. 

doesn’t believe in labels --- and that’s corny as hell, but he just wants to be able to be whoever he is in the moment and has had some harsher reactions when he uses umbrella terms, so he just refuses to label himself. relationship-wise it’s a whole different issue, he floats from one major relationship to another and often times will cycle back to one that’s already gone sour. 

has recently started going to a therapist to talk about some of the issues he has processing emotions and his fear of change ---- it’s been helping but he’s still very much on the verge of flight mode and will run away from situations that demand any real sort of emotional input from him on occasion. 

personality:

he is cynical, despite a desire to believe the best in people and the world - he has seen too much of the darker side of the world to ever truly believe it ---- this is reflected not only in his interactions with people ( he is open about expressing doubt and disbelief, he won’t believe a word you say, and he overanalyzes promises / invitations / declarations of love ) but also in his art and aesthetic which veers towards the dark and damned, a lot of his work is themed around broken things

stubborn as a mule ---- once he gets an idea in his mind, it can be hard to change his mind with logical arguments though an emotional appeal will have a better chance ---- he’s very set in his ways and struggles with questioning why things are the way they are, insisting that somethings should just be. loathes change and isn’t afraid to express this dislike --- tends to eat the same foods, wear the same clothes, go to the same places ---- despite a childhood dislike of routine, he finds it comforting nowadays, it feels safe.

loyal as all hell, you can hurt him a million times and he will still struggle to walk away and a genuine apology will win him back in an instant. he struggles to cut ties, even with those that he knows aren’t the best for him and has only successfully done so when it is possible for him to do so in a swift and permanent way. in most cases, he will eventually find his way back to those that he knows. 

friendly but not overly so --- he has no issue approaching people if he needs something, but he’s not generally one to approach you just to “chat” b/c he’s not big on small talk in general and honestly? he’d never say it but if he doesn’t know you, he doesn’t really give a damn how your day went or how you feel about the weather or current events. if he drinks, he becomes a little more sociable in that matter, but that often drifts into “ethan is going to info-dump about whatever has his interest in the moment and the only way to stop him is to like physically place something in / on his mouth” territory which is a whole different level of awkward. 

backstory:

growing up in a household where routine took priority, ethan spent a long time feel stifled by his parent’s demands that everything turned out perfectly ---- the neverending need to do things at just the right time, in just the right way. it was like fitting into a sweater that was just a tad too small, wrong in a way that is hard to explain

it’s in high school that he meets a true kindred spirit in the form of his art teacher ---- he helps ethan to realize his need for freedom and self-expression, and embraces his abilities in a way that he had always been afraid to. it’s a change that his parents are disapproving of, trying to reroute their son’s future to one of the paths that they would have approved of. but for once, he allows himself to rebel.

and after graduation, he leaves. running to new york, where he throws himself into the art scene head first without any real plans. for two years, he works multiple jobs as he cycles through sketchy roommates in his shitty apartment and equally shitty life partners, trying to discover things about himself that he hadn’t known before.

he’s still figuring some of that out, unsure of how to label his gender or his sexuality --- wishing more than anything that he could just be, a desire that he has long held onto since childhood that’s coming back to haunt them at last. 

that’s not the only thing that’s caught up with them as of late, the digby’s finally managing to track him down in new york and showing up at his apartment two years after he initially ran off. they came with open minds and a burning desire to see their son do something other than work minimum wage jobs and live in run-down apartments. they were quiet and subdued in a way that they never had been.

it took six months for them to convince him to enroll in college, and he eventually chose to attend radcliffe with an undeclared major. it was far enough from his hometown that his parents couldn’t reasonably drive up too often, but close enough that he could go home if he had wanted. a three-hour drive in the best traffic.

the distance proved to be the right amount --- though his parents certainly seemed to pop up over the first three months with containers of food and worries that their child would have run off, they eventually learned to trust him. and slowly, the wounds healed ---- ethan wouldn’t say that they’re close but they’ve learned to respect each other’s boundaries.

and he’s never seen them more proud than at graduation, except maybe when he told them that he was going to apply to grad school. it wasn’t the path that they had planned for ethan, but they had learned to be enthusiastic about his success, about his dreams and about his art.

doing his master’s degree - it’s been weird. being here is weird for him in general, he still misses new york even though it was a whole different kind of existence ---- he misses the stability of going to work everyday and being completely independent. here, he has to rely on his professors and classmates, he has people that expect him to check in with them and there’s more socialization --- mostly because he’s been trying to do better with that. 

connections:

good / bad influence: okay so traditionally, i think these would be separate connections but i think in this case, it’s more convoluted than that. for all of ethan running away from the environment his parents made, he’s very much stuck to those rules and expectations --- i would love for someone to start to break him out of that --- encourage him to party and drink and live life, and it doesn’t all have to be bad, it can be good too. you know, them bringing him to parties and him learning actually valuable lessons from it --- idk open to talking about their potential influence on each other, i think it could be fun

frenemies ( onesided or not ): i think a lot of ethan’s trust issues are a projection mechanism because he knows that in some ways that he can’t be trusted --- so i wld love for someone who they act like best friends when they’re together and then ethan just ... talks smack about them and doesn’t keep their secrets ( and maybe they do the same?? ) 

exes ( of all types / genders / whatever ): this one, my dear ethan, has gotten around a bit --- maybe they hooked up and now it’s awkward ---- maybe they dated for a while and keep circling back to each other despite knowing that they’re bad for each other ( a la unmiss you by clara mae ) ---- maybe they dated for a while and now they never talk so when they do see each other it’s just ... awkward as hell ---- open to literally anything with this one guys

art buddies: just two pals, palling around --- only prerequisite is that your character has some sort of interest in an art ( writing, theatre, music, film, etc etc ) --- and hey maybe they don’t get along but they put up a united front against the STEM majors who mock their choices in major? 

other: open to discussing dormates, coworkers, current love interests and literally anything else that you can think of --- does your character need someone over 21 to buy them alcohol? call ethan. for real tho, hit me up and let’s come up with some stuff!