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*sergeants heading to the mess hall*

Ghost: *suddenly speedwalks out of the mess hall*

Soap: Where are you- What's his problem?

Gaz, turning the corner: Probably his bad eating habits finally catching up to him

Gaz: *freezes*

Soap: Uh- Kyle?

Gaz, quickly turning around and walking the other way: Let's eat out

Soap: Oh what's your damn problem- ...

Nik: *standing in the mess hall with a giant grin on his face*

Soap:

Soap: *turns around and follows Gaz*

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Graves: *whistling as he goes to step outside*

Nik, grabbing him: Don’t! It's too dangerous

Graves: What!? What's going on? Are we under attack!?

Nik: No I saw a hawk

Graves: *stares at him*

Nik:

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Teen!Ghost: *delighted gasp from the other room*

Price, immediately panicking: Fuck there's a bug

Teen!Ghost: Dad come look at this spider!

Price: fUCK-

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Gaz: I love Laswell but I feel like I know all her tricks by this point

Price: It helps if you know some of her past, spices up your view on her

Gaz: How?

Price: She used to date a pair of twins but didn't know they were twins because she could never remember their names so she thought she was with the same woman

Gaz:

Price: Didn't help she used a fake name occasionally to 'keep her air of mystery'

Gaz: Oh my god...

Price: Still, to this day, the funniest phone call I ever got from her

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Lieutenant Price: You're going to regret it, I know it

Mac: Don’t read the tea leaves to me I was there the day they fell

Young!Laswell: *chokes on her tea before laughing*

Mac: *loudly sips his tea while staring at Lieutenant Price*

Lieutenant Price: God-

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Soap: My tits are out! Does that mean anything to you!?

Gaz: They're always out because you're desperate!

Soap: PARDON YOUR FUCKING FRENCH!?

Gaz: YOU FUCKING HEARD ME YOU SLAG

Ghost: *laying on the rec room couch scrolling on his phone and ignoring them*

Price: ... I need a long, LONG vacation

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Soap: Even though Graves isn't here physically he sure is here spiritually

Soap: Ever since I tripped on that trash bin this day has just been going down hill

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Poor Price, lol. But consider, what would be worse? Price not realizing Phillip Graves isn't his real name or when he tells him his real name he KNOWS THAT LAST NAME OH MY GOD.

Going with Dadler AU....

The moment Price hears 'Adler' leave Graves' lips he just gets flashbacks to all the rants he heard from Laswell by this legendary but reckless and unhinged CIA operative. Stories he heard from MI6 agents he's worked with. Normally, he wouldn't immediately assume that Graves was related to that Adler. But, again, this is Graves. Of course he would be.

And even though deep in his gut he already knows, Price still asks about Graves' family. Because a foolish part of him is hoping for dear life that he is just jumping to conclusions. And still, Nik already knew. He just had too much faith in his husband's abilities to connect the dots like he had.

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Ghost: Oh that's funny. That's real fucking funny. You think you're a comedian?

Soap: *nervous*

Ghost, aggressively: We're fucking later

Soap:

Gaz: What the fuck-

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Ghost, mocking Price: DoN'T stAB aNyONe-

Ghost: WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? STABBING IS MY FUCKING THING! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THEN!?!?

Price: Attempt at small talk

Ghost: *gags*

Price: Why are you like this!?

Ghost: *stops gagging and stands straight, pointing at him with a dead expression*

Price:

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Gaz: Ghost is on something, he's been an ass all day. Well, more than usual

Price: Don’t worry, Soap gets back from leave today

Ghost, from the other room: My my, sergeant. Did you get SHORTER over leave-?

*THWACK*

Ghost: *groans in pain*

Price, nodding: Good lad

Gaz, loudly: MISSED YA, SUDS

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Teen!Ghost AU/Adopted AU

Farah finally brings a girl home. She's nervous but John and Nik are so excited and Simon and Kyle are ready to embarrass her. She prepares herself and her girlfriend (how she loves saying that) for the chaos that was her family before they came over for dinner.

And Kyle doesn't get to do anything but Simon recognizes the girl. Valeria Garza. Alejandro's ex-girlfriend. And Valeria recognizes Simon and they're staring at each other in shock. And unfortunately for Valeria, she's down for Farah. She's committed. And she's stuck with Simon fucking Price again. And by extension, Alejandro Vargas.

And John and Nik had no idea what was happening, just that Farah brought a very special girl home finally.

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I like to headcanon that 'Philip Graves' isn't his real name because it's the most obvious pun name I've seen in a while (Fill Up Graves), and I think it's funny in the context of PriceNikGraves because it means that at some point Graves would have to be like "Guys, I have a confession.."

That is funny. You know what would make it funnier? Nik's name also not actually being Nikolai.

But Price knows that and had come to terms with the fact his husband's real name is unknown. That's his Nikolai, he knows that. And those who are close to them know it as well. So when Graves starts getting cozy with them and learns officially that Nik is just an alias that everyone is too fond of for him to let go of, he realizes he has to come clean.

And it's funny. It's really funny because Nik was pretty quick to put two and two together and just assumed Price had done the same. But Price did not, because he unfortunately trusts the wrong people. He trusted that Graves' name was actually Phillip Graves and the pun just went over his head.

So they're curled up in bed, Graves oddly quiet. And finally he sits up and addresses them.

"So, uh, I know you probably already know this but... My name isn't actually Phillip Graves."

Nik knew, he goes to respond with 'Obviously' but Price is shook. He's staring and Nik realizes he has to come to terms with the fact his beloved husband is very much an idiot at times.

"What?"

"I'm not actually-"

"Shut the fuck up."

Price absolutely banished himself to the couch because he needed a moment to collect himself. Graves is stunned because he didn't think it would hit that hard. Nik just finds it hilarious.

"He really didn't know?"

"Sometimes he's smart and pretty, and sometimes he's just pretty."

"WHO ARE ANY OF YOU!?"

It took a whole day before Graves could tell them his real name, a step Nik never took because he honestly didn’t have any real connection to his real name to begin with.

Yes, it's very funny. Headcanon accepted.

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*in the store shopping*

Teen!Farah: Oh look, candles! Ooh, they have a lesbian one

Price, while looking at incense: You have enough candles

Teen!Farah: It's Pride month! I deserve a lesbian candle!

Price: How about you get a girlfriend instead? That's more lesbian than another candle

Teen!Farah: *stares at him in shock*

Price: *wordlessly moves to another aisle*

Teen!Farah: HELLO??

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Gaz: So, Graves is going be here for the week

Soap: Fuck... why are you smiling like that?

Gaz: Because Alejandro and Rudy are also going to be here. Pretty sure Nik will be dropping in too

Soap: Oh shit... full house

Gaz: I can't wait to watch Cap squirm

Soap: Graves and Nik's bullshit plus judgement from Los Vaqueros? Oh ho ho, this going to be a GOOD WEEK

Gaz: Ghost is going to hate having been on the field for it

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Price: This is your fucking fault!

Graves: My fault? Oh no no no. Your fault? Most likely. I'm just along for the ride, handsome

Price: ... it'd be expensive to kill you, it would be so expensive to kill you

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He feels pretty~ Oh so pretty~~

He feels pretty, and witty, and bright~~~

Yeah so... I bought Ballerina bundle so I can make Phil do this 😅