#idk. I just genuinely dont know what to do

[spade-club]

Okay. Feeling really fucky over this. Hoping someone has insight for me.

My best friend is, yk, like me. Very inconsistent on how they feel about a lot of things to a strange degree. Has a lot of conflicting ideas and opinions. Anyway so as it turns out they ultimately dont see what we are to eachother the same way I do. I feel a bit... used? And lead on by the idea that after all we have been through and all we have been for eachother that we are just friends and theres nothing else we could call it.

Going into this I had known they didnt need to be in a relationship right now, I was aware of that. I just figured after 2 months of us continuing to get closer and become what is in many ways partners that maybe it had changed. Its not like we talked about it before really, so I felt safe assuming things may have changed. I still consider them ultimately to be my friend but there are many parts of them I see differently and I feel kinda pushed back and restricted by the idea that what I have with those personalities couldnt be considered anything serious despite it very much so being something, and that something being very significant to me.

I'm struggling to find a way to encourage them to allow some of their personalities to express themselves and feel how they want towards me individually and also understanding that if I were to be officially dating those personalities that things would still be complicated for them as a whole. We both are also very avoidant when talking of our disordered behavior which makes it... a lot harder to convey what I mean. I'm hardly sure a word of this makes sense right now to you guys.

I'm just nervous because after them telling me that ALL of this is just a friendship to them, I'm supposed to act like thats all fine and continue on like nothing's different. They'll probably decide to come over again tomorrow, and I wont want to make anything awkward by trying to say anything so I'll keep it all in and ugh. I just wish that conversation had any closure but I'm too fucked up by circumstance and everything else going on around me and now I'm just stuck in the middle of this. Not knowing where its going to end. I figured this would be an easy conversation because I thought they would think like... "yeah its cool to call this a relationship if thats what it is half the time even if the other half we are friends. I am okay with it being both things and thats what it is so might as well call it that" but thats just really not at all how it went. Now I'm just kinda lost here and I dont want to say anything that'll ruin anything. But I also feel very discontent at where things have left off.

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards

I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?

I. Magic Tricks

You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)

But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."

In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.

II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets

This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?

From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.

Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)

2008.

Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible

2009.

Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?

2010.

This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!

2011.

Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards

2012.

This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??

2013.

Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form

2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):

For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one

2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):

The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"

III. Why Does This Matter?

*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs

This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!

There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.

But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(

[in-a-mountain-pool]

Hi everyone, my name is Emily, and I am SO over the head!canon that Michael Gavey likes bimbofication, and I think it's a bit anti feminist, and weirdly not in character. But hey ho, everyone is allowed an opinion, I'm just feeling a bit icky about it today and I'm looking for reassurance that it's not only me~

[hella1975]

it's been pointed out on here before that a lot of terf arguments are actually rooted in sexist idealology that feminists fought and died to unnormalise decades ago and that's its own kettle of fish but one thing i also find very frustrating about this so called 'radical' feminism is that it's so... defeatist? like the moment you categorically label an entire section of society as Bad and Inherently Evil then there's also the implication that nothing can be done about it, and it completely takes all accountability away. saying all men are evil is just another way of saying boys will be boys. he raped her because he's a man. he hit her because he's a man. he didn't listen because he's a man - it's almost offensively oversimplified. there's no point trying to fix this issue in society because men are just Like That, okay! so now what? it's not like they're going anywhere, so you just accept that 50% of the population are evil and will forever treat you terribly and there's nothing to be done about it bc they're biologically predisposed to it? like is that fr the argument here? you're soooo radical for that

[anonymouscheeses]

I'm gonna be shitting and screaming and starting fights if Sera becomes a villain. I can't take sibling angst, Sera loves Emily I swear guys believe meeee.

[marblerose-rue]

wyll (as a warrior cat)

[downsteepy]

it's you!

[stupidrant]

i think the most we will get is PC release (if that) this year but that means we gotta deal with those trolls bc changing angrb0da’s skin color is such a big deal to these mfs and i still dont understand that sweet baby inc shit bcuz all the information im seeing is just bundled bullshit LMFAOOO i feel like her actual character gets overshadowed by the made up problems and no one actually talks abt HER as a character or even analyses her fr (outside of here ofc) lol sms abt to make a banger with her and atreus istg

[quirkle2]

im gonna be real w u guys a while back i saw a post abt mob refusing to accept teru as a rival bc he thinks "rival" means "enemy" and teru is his friend,, well . 21 years of age and i am just now figuring out that rival does not mean enemy

[svnflowermoon]

why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????

[sshcomic]

You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au

May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?

oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰

nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!

as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.

i guess we'll see!

[bandtrees]

two conversations i want to have about "dead dove do not eat"

it's annoying how people treat it as a genre or descriptor in and of itself when it hypothetically should have no ties to "problematic" or "dark", it literally just means "what you see is what you get with these tags" - which is a concept that can encompass any kind of writing. in an ideal world dead dove is not a Type of fic, it is literally just a neutral descriptor, and i think it's very annoying how it got largely co-opted by proshippers who think it's shorthand for Dark And Twisted Porn™ and treat it as some kind of genre in and of itself

it just sounds incredibly lame. what's wrong with just saying "yeah heed the tags this is serious" instead of assuming everyone knows about a nonsense vaguely-artsy meme phrase. can we not just use our words

[shdwtouch]

also uh. this is part inquiry, part vent ? I know it's kinda shitty to be like "do you like my character ?" but now that I've gotten through more of act 2 and done the questlines involving the shadow-cursed lands... I honestly feel kinda silly. like.

knowing what happens with oliver / thaniel, as well as what is implied with arabella, I'm worried that shade is a little... redundant. I don't know. like. if people like her as a companion and the way I've built her lore that's good enough for me, I just. worry. and I worry that people may think I'm trying to replace those narratives. I don't know. it's hard to explain just how I feel. but mostly I feel silly. and worried.

probably overthinking it but. input would be most appreciated. honest input; I just want to know what people think / feel about shade in relation to the characters and lore we already have in the game, I guess. I am genuinely curious what people think.

edit: read the tags but also I should post a disclaimer, I know that if people didn't like shade they wouldn't be following or interacting with me. that's not the question I'm asking here. I'm asking for input on where she stands in the game canon lore, on what people think about that. I am honestly so, so thankful for the support and love I have received in writing shade. <3 I was not expecting this kind of love and interest, and I am grateful for everyone who has given her / me a chance !

[a-mongooose]

Something something favorite character something something scrimblo<3 Idk i wanted to draw lard nar holding a comically large gun. i think he likes comically large guns. was just supposed to be a sketch but it did not stay that way . :]

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

It's never going to happen bc I don't have the skill or the determination or the simple understanding to actually do it but lately I've been thinking about potential video essays on...I'm not even sure. Autistic joy? Trans joy? The sheer unique joy of being me and of being a human who thinks and feels and how that's different but the same as so many other people. Like I'll legit start plotting out scripts in my head for how I would explain it to people (which I do alot for special interests and such but rarely to explain Myself) and a big part of me would love to just. Talk. About how it feels to be Me. But I'm also very unlikely to do that lol

[incorrect-rustylake]

legit i dont know what to do with this blog! theres a certain limit to incorrect quotes, which kind of means the end for this blog. however! if yall like it i can turn it into shit posting stuff and all???? still the posting schedule wont be consistent and stuff.... i dont know. what do u think??