#if Feng Xin had just ASKED HIM WHAT WAS WRONG god

[imafraidoftomorrow]

Listen, I know Jun Wu has done horrible, unforgivable things as a result of his bitterness and his anger and his grief and his resentment, and nothing can make up for the suffering and the anguish that he caused so many people, especially our sweet Xie Lian. I know that.

But... I still can't help but wish that someone, anyone, just one single person, had listened to his story and told him,

Hey. I'm really sorry that happened to you. That was a horrible thing to have to go through; no one could have deserved that. You tried your very hardest. You tried everything that you could think of to do. I'm sorry that not a single person appreciated your efforts. I'm sorry that they only used you. I'm sorry that they scorned and ridiculed and renounced you. I'm sorry that everyone left you all alone in the end. The fact that you tried should have counted for something. The fact that you even thought to try should have meant something.

I just think, maybe if someone had told him those words at any point in time, then things might have been different. Maybe he could have changed. Maybe his heart wouldn't have frozen over. Maybe he could have turned himself around.

For as much as he wanted to corrupt Xie Lian and make him his 'successor', I think maybe deep down, a part of him actually just wanted to be vindicated. To have his suffering be understood. And while Xie Lian did not owe him a single ounce of sympathy, if he had shown him even a little bit and said the above, I'm willing to bet the great White Clothed Calamity would have broken down crying.

Xie Lian himself was saved by a single act of compassion, after all.

There's just not enough empathy in stories.

[estrella-etoile]

Hua Cheng's Very Different Loves

There is often a fundamental misunderstanding of Hua Cheng's love for Xie Lian. The biggest of them was Mu Qing and Feng Xin's assumption at seeing the Cave of Ten Thousand Gods.

They see Hua Cheng as obsessive, dangerous. And given the history with Bai Wuxian, yeah, not entirely in the wrong for that assumption.

It's hard to understand that Hua Cheng is one who has truly separated his devotion from his romantic love for Xie Lian. Because devotion/worship of a god and love of a person are different.

At least until now, the devout and obsessive level of worship that Hua Cheng exhibits is the first type. The type of a religious devotee. And that cave, that's what we see. Hua Cheng did not make the sculptures and the paintings for Xie Lian exactly, he didn't do it with a plan to bring Xie Lian there and ask for praise, he did it because Xie Lian was his totem, the very thing that could center him even at times of extreme suffering to pull through. Religious love is not something that expects reciprocation, it's not something that requires anything of the subject of worship except their existence. And the Hua Cheng of the past 800 years poured his obsessive love into this type of love, the love that he does not have any expectations for.

We know that Hua Cheng also felt the other type of love. His sexual awakening was downright traumatic. Seriously, imagine being fourteen, and having to defend your beloved god from sex demons who are forcing you to realize that your devotion to your god has an edge of desire, all while said god is stabbing himself to keep from acting on the extreme discomfort of sexual urges forced on him by those same damn sex demons. No wonder Hua Cheng is so absolutely freaked out and a little disgusted about harboring that type of love for Xie Lian.

When Hua Cheng finally finds Xie Lian again after 800 years, I fundamentally believe that Hua Cheng would have been content with an existence of watching over and protecting his god from the sidelines. His devotion mattering more than that sliver of self-loathing desire that would never be erased.

The story we got to read though, the one that makes TGCF so special is the way that the other love grows between Xie Lian and Hua Cheng. They enjoy each other's company, enjoy teasing and talking, enjoy the little touches that they share. When Hua Cheng talks about his beloved, he speaks of his romantic love and winning over that person. He speaks of it shyly, because he knows it is something that has to be shared and has to grow naturally. It's what makes their love story so very human, because Hua Cheng treated his religious love and his desirous love as completely separate from each other. And the best part? Xie Lian knows this, understands this, has no doubt about this.

It means that the scene in the cave, where both Feng Xin and Mu Qing mistook Hua Cheng's obsessive devotion for obsessive desire, Xie Lian recognizes correctly.

And Xie Lian reciprocates those romantic feelings.

I like to picture those days that Xie Lian wakes up and finds the other side of his bed empty, then wanders to the Thousand Lights Temple to see Hua Cheng there changing the single white flower in his god's hands, then bowing his head and saying a prayer. Xie Lian rolls his eyes, because well, he's right there, but it's Hua Cheng's ritual, and whether they are husbands, whether they had rough and enjoyable sex the night before, Hua Cheng won't slack on his religious love just because he gets to share romantic love with his husband and god.

[kind-lie]

i think a lot about how the xianle trio's friendships were doomed from the start. you could say that the friendships were irreversibly damaged at the point of impact, when those confrontations happened, but their foundations were always unstable.

feng xin's excessive idealisation of xie lian lead to him being unable to accept that he would ever stoop to committing crimes. at his lowest point, feng xin was probably an unwelcome reminder to xie lian of what he used to be (which is probably why he asks feng xin to leave in the first place)

mu qing had never viewed xie lian as a friend despite xie lian unhesitatingly accepting him as one (he states that he had always wanted to be xie lian's friend... meaning that they were never friends in the first place from his POV!) he's the opposite of feng xin - while feng xin always thinks the best of his dianxia, mu qing thinks the worst.

as for xie lian, his naive, optimistic view of the world led him to believe that friendships would last forever. and when they don't, when, god forbid, some kingdom-ending plague-spreading disaster descends upon them and tears them all apart... he can't accept it and turns bitter.

there's a lot of discussion on who is exactly to blame for all of this, who did what wrong, who fucked up when, etc etc, but at the end of the day, they were just kids/young adults in an insanely difficult situation. the immature views that they had of each other were a result of a lack of experience in life, and they all stewed in the guilt from the fallout for hundreds of years.

[dazaiandhislovelybandages]

hii~ i hope you’re having a good day/night! i was wondering if you could do Mu Qing from TGCF with the prompt #16. "Don't ever say that name again"? idk why but i can definitely see him being a petty and jealous significant other (gn reader if can please) thank youu <3

A Tiny Bit Of Jealousy {Mu Qing}

A/n: thank you for requesting and I hope you like the outcome. I just wanted to say that a) I am lowkey loving this coloured layout since the photo is for the tgcf manhua and b) I am still three books in tgcf so I am incredibly sorry if this isn't an indepth writing or if his character isn't fully accurate

Pairing: Mu Qing x gn!reader

Trigger warnings: jealousy

You never realised how and when you got in a relationship with Mu Qing and there had been times when you couldn't help but wonder and question the circumstances under which the relationship came to exist. Not in a bad way of course, never in a bad way. But when originally you thought Mu Qing was just not ready to open up to you yet, as the months and years passed by, you realised that he wasn't hiding anything from you.

It was on odd feeling, being with him. After meeting Xie Lian and Hua Cheng and witnessing some parts of their relationship you could say with great certainty that he wasn't as open with you as those two were with each other. He wasn't neglecting you but he wasn't all touchy either. He was just there and if you happened to want cuddles or kisses, you would have to ask.

On that note, he wasn't bad at picking up signs, especially when it came to you. He knew your reactions -he could predict them even-, your likes, your dislikes, your routine. He knew everything because you were open with him. And it went without saying that when it came to you, Mu Qing was an excellent listener. He could sit down and listen to you mumble about the latest gossip in the Heavenly Realm for hours. Did he care? No. But you were the one talking so he would listen to you even if his ears somehow disappear.

Naturally, he also knew every single one of your friends in the Heavenly Realm; and the ones you didn't like that much.

And god he was jealous.

He was jealous of a very few selected people but not in the toxic way. He would never try and get you away from them since he knew that their and your intentions were pure but he couldn't help but envy the fact that they could give you something he thought he couldn't: a good and fun time.

In his mind, Mu Qing thought he was boring you and perhaps that was the only thing he had never been honest with you about. He could never easily laugh, express his feelings without being asked and most of the time he was a little too focused on his work.

And then the day he begged and prayed not to come actually came. He saw you laughing with another god. Now, on the surface there was nothing wrong with it. He had seen you laugh at something another god or goddess had said a million times and it never bothered him.

But this god was Feng Xin.

"Hey!" Your melodic voice echoed around the room as you walked through the pink silk curtains. You didn't have to ask, it was as clear as day that there was something wrong with him. And you didn't have to ask what was wrong either since when the two of you started dating you made a silent agreement: Mu Qing would always tell you in his own time what was wrong.

"Hello." He responded gruffly.

"I just came to check in since I have to do some paperwork." You walked up to him and placed a soft kiss on his cheek; a kiss to which he didn't react. "Oh! Feng Xin-"

"Don't ever say that name again!"

His tone was harsh and angry but he didn't raise his voice. Him pulling away was enough to realise that most probably you had said something wrong.

"We'll talk later," was all you said and walked away.

Mu Qing sighed and sat back down at the soft pillow on the floor, closing his eyes. You hadn't done anything wrong, that small part of his brain that could think clearly said so. Laughing and talking with Feng Xin was okay. Not once had Mu Qing thought about controlling you and he would rather die than do it. But it felt like a betrayal of some kind. You knew about his bad relationship with Feng Xin so why on earth did you have to bring him up?

Though if he had to be completely honest with himself... it wasn't the fact that he and Feng Xin were practically enemies that made him angry. It was the fact that not once had he made you laugh like that. He wanted to hear that unique sound he had never heard before once again with all his heart but he didn't want it if he wasn't the one causing it. What good was a partner who didn't make you laugh with all your heart?

"I am sorry," he whispered. He had gathered the courage and later that day, at night to be precise, he had walked all the way to your palace just to apologise. You didn't deserve someone who was as petty as him and he knew it but he needed you.

"I know," you whispered back and took that one step, closing the distance between the two of you with a hug. "You always say things you don't mean when you're angry."

In an ideal world, he would have preferred it if you didn't comment on it. But you did and the truth hurt a little but he deserved it.

Gently, he wrapped his arms around you and placed a soft kiss on your temple. "Should I make up for it? What did that bastard want?"

"You know... I am pretty sure that if I tell you, you'll get angry again."

[cecropiacrown]

for the kiss prompt meme! fengqing and 49? 👀

I took this one a bit literally, hope you don't mind. Thanks for the ask! :) #49 a kiss out of necessity

“What are you saying?”

“Are you deaf, or just stupid?” Mu Qing crosses his arms, jutting that regal chin of his out and up in an arrogant display of self-righteousness.

Feng Xin would say the other martial god is looking down his nose at him, but Mu Qing’s eyes are still fucking closed. He seethes, unobserved, and clenches his fists so hard he’s surprised his gloves are still intact.

“A kiss?” Feng Xin tries to clarify, instead of bashing his head into the nearest wall as he has been so wishfully imagining.

“A man with a history like yours, I assumed you’d know what that meant.” Feng Xin knows Mu Qing would roll his eyes right now if he was able to—but he can’t—he just keeps talking. 

“Yes, General. A kiss. A press of the lips. I don’t know.” Mu Qing waves his hand in the air dismissively, his head still held high, but his eyes still as magically closed as when Feng Xin first arrived at his chambers.

“I am not the one who crafted the damned curse. So, yes, a kiss. Or my eyes will stay this way.” 

There is an underlying sense of unease to Mu Qing’s tone that Feng Xin is sure only he can pick up on, purely from the fact the two of them have known each other for 800 years. 

“And before you ask—yes, I have tried to hold them open. And, yes, I still am unable to see.”

Feng Xin sighs and racks his brain for any other possible solution, but Mu Qing is growing more impatient by the second, if the tapping of his perfectly polished boot is any indication. Feng Xin holds back the groan of frustration that sits so readily at the back of his throat, and tries to bide some more time.

“Is… well, I mean. Is there no one else who could—”

This was, evidently, the wrong thing to say.

Mu Qing’s face is alight with unbridled fury as he whips his whole body in Feng Xin’s direction. His arms shoot down to his sides, and Feng Xin can tell he instinctively reaches for his zhanmadao even though the saber lays discarded on a nearby low table.

“What?” he spits, venomous and clearly defensive. He’s quite agitated now and throws his arms up in the air as he speaks, a habit he has had since his time as a mortal. His face twists and contorts, save for his eyes, which stay almost peacefully closed as he rants, “Is it such a cruel fate to kiss the austere and ruthless General Xuan Zhen that you’d sooner pawn off the task to some other poor, unfortunate—”

“Stop.”

“—soul? What—is it so beneath the mighty General Nan Yang that he’d rather—”

Feng Xin crosses the room in an instant and grips Mu Qing by his shoulders before he can stop himself. He has half a mind to shake him, as if that could knock any sense into him, but he knows better.

“Enough.”

Mu Qing draws in a quick breath through his nose, his face pinched unpleasantly as he stoically faces forward.

“Unhand me.” 

Mu Qing’s voice is low, like a threat, but it’s tinged with something else that Feng Xin can’t quite place. Something delicate.

“Fine,” he says, and pushes Mu Qing back a little out of habit before he removes his hands completely. 

“But stop speaking such nonsense.” Feng Xin straightens his own robes and clears his throat. “Of course I will help you. You’d be a fool to think I’d allow you to remain this way and leave me to watch over the South on my own.”

Mu Qing sets his jaw, his mouth twisting into a snarl, but he says nothing. His arms are crossed over his chest again and his hands… his hands are shaking.

“Are you nervous?” Feng Xin asks before he has the sense not to.

“No,” Mu Qing snaps, like the notion itself is preposterous.

But Feng Xin sees the way Mu Qing presses the tips of his middle finger and his thumb together, drawing small circles, and he knows he’s caught him. Now that’s an anxious tick he hasn’t seen the other god display in centuries.

“Then why are you trembling, General?”

“I’m not.” Mu Qing says this through gritted teeth, as if this helps his case.

“Ah, but you are.” Feng Xin reaches forward now and, with a featherlight touch, he cradles Mu Qing’s face in his palm. The other god noticeably stiffens, but that near-imperceptible tremor in his hands is still there. Whether because he is stubborn or because his lack of sight limits his range of movement, he does not pull away.

“Remember now, it’s your eyes that are closed. Mine have been open the whole time.”

Mu Qing swallows audibly and Feng Xin tracks the movement down his pale throat until it’s hidden by the top of his collar.

“Mu Qing,” he says quietly and Mu Qing’s mask of indifference instantly crumbles. With where Feng Xin’s hand rests along Mu Qing’s jaw, he’s in prime position to feel the spike he just caused in the other god’s pulse.

“Be still. I’m going to kiss you now.”

Mu Qing’s breath goes ragged and Feng Xin feels the jaw under his palm go taut.

“It’s okay,” Feng Xin breathes, and guides his face slowly closer to his rival’s. He trails his hand down Mu Qing’s jaw to rest at his neck, gently thumbing at the soft skin of his earlobe. 

He gives Mu Qing ample time to pull away, to decide he doesn’t want Feng Xin to take his first kiss after all, but Mu Qing surprises him. It seems Feng Xin’s gentle caress has Mu Qing softening, just a little, because there’s something so bashfully pliant about the expression he’s making. Feng Xin can hardly take his eyes off of him. And even though he closes his eyes, he swears that when their lips do finally touch, that Mu Qing leaned forward to meet him there.

The kiss is oh so tender; quiet in a way the two of them never are. It’s brief too, lasting only a few moments, but when they part, there’s a lingering warmth that radiates through them both.

Feng Xin sees the moment Mu Qing opens his eyes and looks at him—sees him—and he realizes his hand is still on Mu Qing’s neck. He lets his eyes rove over the thin jaw, those soft lips, before he pulls back completely and straightens out his sleeves.

“Cured?” Feng Xin asks, even though he knows the answer.

“Cured,” Mu Qing replies quietly.

Feng Xin isn’t sure he’s ever heard Mu Qing speak in such a hushed tone and he finds himself wanting to hear it again.

“I suppose I’ll be on my way then. Wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“Right. Good of you to know your place."

As Feng Xin reaches the door, his hand poised to open it, he turns to speak over his shoulder, finding he desperately needs to know the answer to this question.

“Why ask me?”

“Why would I ask anyone else?”

Feng Xin smiles and slips silently out into the corridor.

[brainrotta]

Mu Qing is number one

Mu Qing had recently discovered that some of his devout followers in the mortal realm were planning to stage a play in his honor. As their beloved god, he felt compelled to ensure that the production was tasteful and met the highest standards. Thus, he decided to attend the first rehearsal in disguise, making sure there were no malicious rumors about him and that everything proceeded as expected.

He was thinking of inviting Feng Xin to come with him… just casually, no big deal, if he wants, whatever. They’ve been sneaking around these past couple of days, around the heavenly capital, and this could maybe be their first date. Or not, it’s just a stupid play, no one cares. But he never did.

Feng Xin knew about it already, because, for some reason, he became extraordinarily good at noticing and remembering every little thing about Mu Qing. At the same time, he became equally inept at performing the same mental tasks concerning anything else.

He secretly hoped for an invitation, but even if it didn't come, he had no intention of sulking; his plan was to surprise Mu Qing with an unplanned date.

Like some bad luck, as the event drew near, Xie Lian unexpectedly called Mu Qing, seeking his assistance at Puqi Shrine, at the exact same time as that play rehearsal. Nothing of importance, he concluded. Xie Lian was going on and on about some maple leaves, autumn harvest, cooking dinner and so on. Mu Qing politely excused himself, explaining he has important business to attend to that cannot be postponed and suggested Feng Xin is probably available and willing to help. Wait, nooo. Why did he say that? He wasn’t sure.

Now, at least, he can feel rejected. Feng Xin will for sure run to help His Highness. He would never choose him as a first priority, not that he was competing for such status.

He knew Feng Xin couldn’t possibly know that he was choosing. Mu Qing never asked for anything; never put himself out there, exposing to the possibility of rejection. And additionally, he did everything in his control to end up going alone. Nevertheless, he still felt like the rain was pouring down on him, like he was being wronged.

But oh well, he’s used to it. On his own. He just likes it like that.

The time had come eventually and he was just about to leap down alone, when Nan Feng caught him by the wrist and pulled him back into his arms. “Gotcha” he smiled at him.

“You were really gonna go alone?” he inquired, sounding a bit angry.

“Well, how else? Let go of me, what is wrong with you?” Fu Yao struggled out of his embrace while saying a bunch of stuff he absolutely didn't really mean.

Nan Feng softened his tone a bit “I thought we could maybe go together? Like, just the two of us,” looking at him with puppy-like eyes.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at Puqi Shrine?” Fu Yao snapped harshly, still not sure why.

Nan Feng scrutinized him for a moment, his brows furrowed, thinking this crazy, miserable youth was being too pitiful.

“His Highness did call, indeed. But I have a person I care about a lot, someone I wanna spend more time with. And he is my number one now.” He approached and planted a soft, lingering kiss on the side of Fu Yao's temple. "I wanted to go with you."

Fu Yao, curling into himself with a smile, pondered the fact that he is somebody’s number one, Feng Xin’s number one. He hugged him tightly and teased, “Is that what you told him?”

“I told him, I need to kick your ass” Nan Feng smirked too obnoxiously, Fu Yao rolled his eyes over the top.

As they were snuggling and bantering, focused solely on each other, Nan Feng stumbled, and they both fell right through a portal, landing embraced, legs intertwined, on top of the stage where some play was just about to begin.

[good-vs-evo]

fenglian coded songs!

because i'm actually so ill about them </3 plus this gives flashbacks to those english assignments in high school where you'd choose songs based on a piece of literature and explain ur choices... wait u didnt. u didnt do that. uh. moving along.

time to expose my mildly terrible music taste HSDGFH

boy by isaac dunbar!

"if only we were right, seasoned with time" god. they were right person, wrong time vibes genuinely it makes me so insane to think about. i love hualian dearly, ofc, but fenglian has such a special place in my heart because just think about everything they shared and everything they did and everything feng xin sacrificed for xie lian that xl was too young and too hurt to see

"if i were homesick, you're remedy-wired / picking up herbs in the morning time / i'd wait for something more" hello? already heavy on the pining vibes, plus i love the fenglian "you are my home" vibes... sobs... fx would take care of xl to the end

tell her by bruno major!

just like. listen to it as a love letter from xl to fx...

"still she will come back around / nothing could shake her / repeat or replace her / i've finally figured that out", xl realizing how much he always needed fx, xl realizing that he was perfectly loyal but xl was too scared

"tell her she's more than i dreamed i would find / she's always there in the back of my mind / if you should see her, ask her if we'll work it out" fx was literally so perfect you don't understand dies loudly... and he definitely left a lasting impact on xl forever

leaving the last two lines for of the song as a surprise if you haven't heard it yet and you decided to give it a listen, i promise it'll be great :]

lover's rock by tv girl!

"because love can burn like a cigarette / and leave you with nothing" i have. no more to say. just. that's everything i have to say about this i could talk sm more but that's what i want to leave it at

dear my all by mingginyu!

this one's in korean, so allow me to be your terrible translator (genuinely my korean skills are so bad nobody ever taught me so let's see if i can cook) (alternatively, use google translate)

"you can tell me everything, all your secrets / i'll never hurt you again" xl to fx, telling him that he can lean on him and promising o be better this time <3

"you're allowed to rest, you've been running for so long / it's okay to blame the things that have hurt you" fx to xl, telling him that's entitled to peace and happiness after everything he's been through

i tried google translating some of this because i didn't know if mine made sense but aughhh i can't explain it but the translations on google are all... awkward? i can't tell if it's just the context of the way my family speaks korean and the way i've come to understand the use of certain words but either way i'll leave it at that SDHFGJSD

late again by peter manos!

"yesterday came and went / you are my closest friend / i'll never understand / don't want you to see me cry / even though i've seen you cry" they truly were. pretty good friends despite the way their relationship formed. they would've had a much better relationship if they weren't prince and servant but whatever that's still a trope HSDGF so we take that W. they both seem like they'd struggle a bit to be vulnerable with each other but slowly grow more comfortable and that makes me so soft

"i wanna tell you everything is alright / begging you to tell me everything is alright" this one makes me lose it. the first one gives xl vibes (wanting to tell fx that he's okay and he's sorry and things worked out okay) and the second is fx vibes (wanting to know that xl is okay, regretting leaving even though xl told him to leave, wanting to know he's safe)

untitled v.2 by cavetown!

i'm literally never gonna be free from cavetown getting associated with media i'm into am i

"i know my hands aren't warm enough to hold your cold, cold heart" fx feeling like a failure when it came to being able to save xl from The Horrors

"and i know my bones aren't strong enough to keep me from falling apart" both of them fr, they were going through it like crazy. they were constantly on the brink of collapse. someone send some help

"and did you know that every night i play your favourite songs on repeat? it helps me sleep" i think. when they were separated for so many years, they kept reminders of the other around with them. for a little bit of bittersweet comfort

back to you by flower face!

"don't fight back / don't look at me like that / don't forget I'll never quite forgive you / but i'll pretend to" okay but xl realistically thinks nobody will ever forgive him. he would eternally believe that fx holds things against him aughguhaguuhguh angst has me in a chokeholdd

"how will I release you now? / how can I forgive myself when I'm still in love with you?" yeah. pining and separted fenglian keeps me up at night can u tell lmao

"and it's always back to you again / always back to you, my friend" because it really is always back to them! time and time again it's back to them, the two of them together again in differently painful situations and it makes me die inside

i am a world class yapper, please forgive me </3 i also went hard on the angst i just i love my ships a lil angsty (<- writes fluff 80% of the time)

also i didn't forget abt the role jian lan played in fx's life during the time when xl was banished and struggling! this is just focused on only xl and fx's relationship during those times. besides, a lot of signs indicate that fx loved them both dearly, and it hurt a lot to lose them both.

[circus-complex]

Glass Mind | Chapter 5/?

Rating: Teen +

Relationships: Feng Xin/Mu Qing

Characters: Feng Xin, Mu Qing

Tags: feng xin falls ill, Canon-typical swearing, mu qing has to care for him, Febuwhump 2024, Slow Burn, Feng Xin and Mu Qing are slightly OOC, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Angst

Feng Xin falls ill, messing with his head. Mu Qing tasks himself with taking care of him. Does Mu Qing truly hate Feng Xin?

Also on AO3

Full chapter under the cut

“You’re wondering what curse I was under?” Ming Yi glared at Mu Qing.

“Yes. I want to know if it has anything to do with Feng Xin,” He glared right back at the earth master.

Ming Yi huffed and uncrossed his arms. He stepped aside, allowing Mu Qing into his palace.

The entry room was, well, the only word for it was cold . Ming Yi had painted the walls a deep blue, but instead of being comforting and calm, it seemed eerie. Like the walls would drown you. No attendants ran through the halls. Furniture was sparse.

He was guided into a sitting room. There was a simple green rug on the floor, and a single couch. Shi Qingxuan sat there, looking slightly disheveled but fine.

“Come, sit!” Shi Qingxuan patted the cushion next to her. Mu Qing glanced towards Ming Yi, who gave a slight nod. He sat down, and Ming Yi remained standing.

“Could you please tell me about this curse?” Mu Qing inquired.

“Why couldn’t you have just read the report?” Ming Yi muttered. Not under his breath, it was meant to be heard. But it wasn’t directed towards anyone.

“Ming-xiong! Just tell him,” Shi Qingxuan pouted.

“Fine.”

She really has him wrapped around her finger, doesn’t she?

“It was probably two hundred years ago. Essentially, I was searching around since I’d been getting prayers complaining of people going mad. I stumbled upon a small fox spirit’s domain. I was trapped inside, and what I saw was nonsensical. At some point, I managed to get out. Thinking about it now, the fox let me go quite easily.

“When I got back to the heavenly capital, everything was off. At first, people would show up and randomly disappear, or colors would shift. I assumed nothing was wrong, but it got worse. And it got worse fast .

Suddenly I’d be in a forest while working. Or people would transform into bugs. No warning, and it was like I was back in the fox’s domain all over again. It went from lasting minutes to days. It consumed my life. But I couldn’t ask for help - whenever I tried, invisible bubbles would foam up and choke me. No matter what form. Spiritual communication array, spoken, written.

“Luckily, Qingxuan noticed. She was able to find the fox spirit, and kill it. All the illusions went away after that.”

Shi Qingxuan smiled at Ming Yi. Ming Yi gave a small nod in response.

“So, I should just figure out what cursed Feng Qing and kill it?” Mu Qing asked.

“Yes, that will do,” Ming Yi replied.

“Very well. Where did you find the fox spirit last time?”

Ming Yi averted his eyes, “I don’t know. There was definitely a transportation array set up, but I found the start around the ruins of a Xian Le temple.”

The room stilled. Silence buzzed in Mu Qing’s ears. Neither Shi Qingxuan or Ming Yi looked at him.

“Ah, well. That’s good to know. Does Ling Wen have any more information regarding this?”

“No. We tried to get answers out of the fox before Qingxuan killed it, but it couldn’t talk. I went back to investigate the area but there was nothing nearby.”

“Then I shall investigate on my own. Good luck on finding your brother,” Mu Qing stood up to leave. Ming Yi didn’t object, leading him to the door.

Once he got back to his own palace, he collapsed into bed. Even if gods didn’t need to sleep, it was exhausting to do all this. Delegating tasks, taking care of Feng Xin, and investigating his illness? Ugh.

Mu Qing would kill for someone else to look after Feng Xin. But no one did it right! They were either too kind or too violent. They were all wrong. It really wasn’t that hard to read him!

Whatever. A couple hours of sleep wouldn’t kill anyone.

[crowning-art]

TGCF SPOILERS

---------------------------------------------------------------

How I'm feeling regarding the entirety of what I have read so far:

THAT IS WHAT THE RUNNING THEME OF THIS BOOK IS T-T LOSING MY MIND RN LIKE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE NEEDS!! JUST. ONE. PERSON!

Xie Lian said, quite matter-of-factly, “Didn’t you ask me to believe you? I believe you. That’s it.”

ANOTHER THEME AHHHHHH LITERALLY CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF RN

Me saving you is just me following my own principles, that’s all,” Xie Lian replied.

HE SAID IT!!! I saw a lot of art and stuff about this and I finally got to read it! It was so sweet thoo lmao Feng xin is so savage tho

Feng Xin piped up. “You said it yourself, you very much wanted to be His Highness’ f-f-friend!

LMAOOOO MU QING HERE!! My man here really said ya, so plan A is DIE and forgot there are 25 more letters of the alphabet 😂

Mu Qing was so full of spirit earlier, but now his face paled. He raised his palms, closing his eyes, looking as if he was going to smash through his own skull first before he got burnt to death, so he could die more straightforwardly.

Xie Lian hastily cried, “WAITWAITWAITWAIT DON’T YOU BE RASH! I-I-I-I-I’VE GOT A PLAN!”

Mu Qing opened his eyes again. “WHAT PLAN?

CRYING IN THE CLUB!! I MISSED THE IDIOT TRIO SO MUCH!! THEY BONDING AGAIN T-T I can't nobody touch me rn I am SOOOO emotional rn

Loool them going from this:

“Will you both not air out each other’s dirty laundry at a time like this? What’s the point in hurting each other…”

To this:

Sweat rolled down Xie Lian’s forehead and he looked back. “Wait a sec, there’s no need to air mine out either?

Goushi leaves NO survivors lmaooo, def my fave dude ever

“I’m sure there’s at least a million vicious ghosts that have paid a visit to Mount Tong'lu,” Mu Qing said.

“DON’T INTERRUPT!” Guoshi exclaimed.

he ascended??? HUA CHENG ASCENDED?!?!? LOSING MY MIND (again) CUZ HE ASCENDED FOLLOWING XIE LIAN'S PRINCIPLES DJDNFJJF I CANT BELIEVE IT OH MY GOOOD

Literal chills at the whole battle going on but especially....

Since every one of Jun Wu’s strikes were aiming straight for Hua Cheng’s right eye!

NO ROUYE!!!

I WILL CRY NOOO PLEASE IM NOT SURE HOW MANY MORE DEATHS I CAN HANDLE PLZ NO ROUYE COME BACK

I-

“Xianle, did you actually believe that something like being pierced by the sword is something I have less experience in than you? Did you think I would care?”

Damnnnn I have no words

WTF?!?! DUDE JUN WU WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?? OH MY GOD?? I LITERALLY WANT TO PUT MY HAND IN THE BOOK AND MAKE HIM STOP

Jun Wu was expressionless, but his hand was ramming Xie Lian into the rocks like crazy, asking him repeatedly: “Does it hurt? Does it hurt?”

Guoshi exclaimed, “Your Highness!!!”

But, who knows who he was calling for.

AND THEN UGH WHAT A ROLLERCOASTER!! THIS!! IT'S JUST LIKE THE SCENE WITH THE STABBINGBSJDJDJDJF oh my God EXCEPT NOW HE KNOWS WHO HE IS AND IS CONFIDENT IN HIMSELF AND ITS NOT THE SAME AS BEFORE AND I WILL CRY OR SCREAM OR SMT AHHHHHHHHHHGHDHFJ

Xie Lian’s bloody hands pushed against the uneven surface of the rocky wall, gritting his teeth as he roared, “…IT HURTS!!!”

“WILL YOU CHANGE? WILL YOU CHANGE? WILL YOU CHANGE??”

It was as if Xie Lian had gone mad too, and he gripped Jun Wu’s arms, roaring, “I WON’T! I WON’T! I WON’T CHANGE!!!”

Even though the smashing was making him see stars, incomparably painful, he held this breath in stubbornly, refusing to give the desired answer at all, and cried out as he roared. “I JUST WON’T CHANGE! EVEN IF IT’S PAINFUL I WON’T CHANGE, EVEN IF I DIE I WON’T CHANGE, I WILL NEVER CHANGE!!!”

I'm just..... I cant....I love Xie Lian so much..this dude deserves the whole world and I'm just so emotional and proud of how far he's come and who he is as a person and he STILL Goss through trials and tribulations but look at how strong he stays in mind, body, and soul and the-

That!

But Hua Cheng gripped his shoulders. “So what? They’re just millions of fools, they’re all useless trash! But for you, one person is enough!”

One person was enough?

Xie Lian hadn’t yet wrapped his head around it before Hua Cheng pulled him close.

Xie Lian’s eyes widened.

Spiritual power exploded and rushed in.

Those two bands of fetters, that had constrained him for eight hundred years, had burst and shattered!

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING HUA CHENG IT'S JUST ONE PERSON U NEED

Also

IF SMT HAPPENS TO HUA CHENG I PROMISE YOU I WILL ABSOLUTELY BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF JUN WU I SWEAR TO GOD I CANT BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED

but the way the power of love is what helped them win lmao

BUT I DONT HAVE A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS RN I CANT I AM SO EMOTIONAL FOR SO MANY DIFFERENT REASONS I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THIS SCENE BUT I CANT SEEM TO SAY ANYTHING AAHHH

[truly-morgan]

[Kinktober 2022: Macro/Micro (18+)]

FengQing | Heaven Official’s Blessing 05-10-2022

Day 5: [Macro/Micro] | H̷e̷a̷r̷t̷b̷e̷a̷t | G̷a̷g̷s

Something goes wrong when Feng Xin is out investigating something and he ends up shrunk down. Of course, his luck has it that Mu Qing is the one to find him like this. And he decides to have some fun too.

====

Feng Xin didn’t know why from all the people that could have found him, it /had/ to be Mu Qing who did so. He could have very well passed on having him mock his situation without restraint.

He was still unsure how he had gotten into this situation. He knew he had been assigned to an investigation on the border of their respective territory, that everything was going more or less good. And then here he was, shrunk down to the size of a doll.

Of course, with the luck of his situation, this had also affected his spiritual energy. He had sent a communication asking for help, but nothing more, since he tried to not waste what spiritual energy he had left for now.

And of course, Mu Qing had to be the closest official available to come and help him.

And now he was being manhandled.

He was being poked at and touched all over as if he was just a toy, Mu Qing clearly taking enjoyment from his inability to actually stop him from doing anything. Forcing him a little in all kinds of strange poses, moving him around in his hands. It was starting to get tiring.

“Could you just fucking put me down!?” he yelled at Mu Qing who was still holding him up by the back of his robes, looking way too smug about it.

“Why should I?” Mu Qing then asked, “First thing I know I’ll have to run after you and I’m not doing that” he explained. “Plus, the water is ready now you’ll be able to take a bath, you stink”.

Feng Xin groaned in frustration, trying to grab at his hand so he could try to pry his fingers open. “I’m not a little pet! I can bath all by my fucking self” he yelled again.

“Quite whining, it will be quicker like this” Mu Qing replied, even though his words didn’t sound too convincing.

Then the Southeast martial god was yet again being moved around, this time somewhat forced de sit in his hand while he held him there. He would have to admit, he was a bit surprised by how mindful and delicate Mu Qing was being, not just being a brute.

But then his appreciation for that went away quickly when fingers started to work his belt “Hey! What do you think you are doing!?” he asked, trying to push the fingers away without much success.

“Obviously, I am undressing you” Mu Qing said as if it was the move obvious thing to do, even when Feng Xin was /very much/ still able to do it himself. Still, the Southwest martial god rolled his eyes as he struggled, pinning his little arms being him without too much trouble.

“As I said, if you could stop struggling, it would go… more easily,” Mu Qing said, pausing a little at the ends as he was taking care of his robes.

Feng Xing couldn’t help the blush on his face when he was left in nearly only his pants, now very much tenting and not hidden behind extra layers of clothing. He had tried to hide his state from his fellow martial god after all his playing around caused that reaction in him.

He was going to ask him to put him down again, when he was suddenly cut by a surprised moan, making him blush even more. He had not expected the thumb that came to brush over his bulge, sending a spark up his spine.

He tried closing his legs to hide from the offending finger, but he was not strong enough to stop the fingers that spread his legs even more widely.

“Well, who would have thought that it took so little for you to get like this” Mu Qing smirked, finger still rubbing over his clothed erecting. Feng Xin couldn’t do anything but bit his lips to keep quiet, his hips moving without his command to get even more friction.

This went on for a while, Mu Qing trying to see how much it would take to actually make him admit that he like it or let his voice out. Yet he didn’t get more than muffled sounds and Feng Xin nearly rutting back against him.

Then Feng Xin wasn’t able to bite back a moan when he came, staining the inside of his pants. He then trashed against the hold Mu Qing had on him as he kept rubbing him even after he came, his cock was now feeling too sensitive and a bit irritated from being so forcefully rubbed against clothing.

Only when the Southwest martial god was satisfied did he stop his ministration, finally letting go of his arms and legs.

He ended up with a shaking Feng Xin, panting in the palm of his hand and looking pleased.

This made him want to somehow tease him even more than before.

So he started undressing him properly this time, Feng Xin not even having the energy to actually stop him from doing so.

Mu Qing was actually surprised by how obediently he was laying in his palm this time, grabbing and hugging his finger to make sure he’d stay safely in his hands.

“I didn’t know it took so little to have you so cooperative” Mu Qing commented, although there wasn’t much behind his word aside from some playful teasing. This did gain him a small roll of the eye from Feng Xin.

Mu Qing did give him some time to come back from his previous orgasm, before bringing him closer to his face. “Don’t think I’m done with only this” he commented, “You are actually pretty fun to play with, pretty adorable when you try not to moan”.

Then he kissed his torso, teasing a little bit the nipples that were hardening under his lips and tongue. And Feng Xin was yet again met with how unusually gentle and nice Mu Qing seemed to be, despite the situation.

Not like he could actually claim to hate the feeling of this gentleness.

He held onto the other martial god's head as best he could, trying to keep his voice in check, although he started to slowly let it out a bit more.

He could hardly really keep it in when Mu Qing started lapping at his dick, the feeling nothing he had felt before.

And it felt really good.

He tried moving like before, although this time Mu Qing ended up bending a finger above his middle, forcing him to keep as immobile as possible. He could only swear as Mu Qing suck him off and lick over all sensitive parts of his body.

The man was truly having his way with him and Feng Xin was actually happy to let him do it for once.

Although he started wondering if it was a good idea when Mu Qing kept going even after he came another time, whispering to him that he could of course come another time.

He was a groaning and moaning mess, trying without much success to push Mu Qing's head away.

It all felt too much and yet he felt like he could still come another time. And when he did force another orgasm out of him, Feng Xin was absolutely finished.

He was panting heavily in his gentle fingers, hugging them as he mumbles “Enough”.

Mu Qing left a huff to escape him, turning back to the basin that had been prepared for him earlier. He quickly heated it up again, then let Feng Xin into the warm water.

It wasn’t worth actually getting Feng Xin mad at him for really pushing him too far.

Plus, they could always have some more fun later if Feng Xin wasn’t back to normal yet.

Original - AO3

[judasgodness]

"Alas, if Mu Qing had taken Hong-er—" nothing would have changed because Hua Cheng fell in love with Xie Lian before falling down in the middle of the festival.

"Oh because Mu Qing saved Hong-er from the army" lol Mu Qing expelled Hong-er from the army because Xie Lian praised his skills with a saber, which is also Mu Qing's weapon, and used the fact that the younger ones died early in the war as consolation so he didn't feel guilty and thought he didn't do anything wrong (remembering that he also said very humiliating things to Hong-er. And also remembering that he took out his frustrations on Hong-er because the social context he lived in made him see anyone as a rival or a potential rival).

It seems that of all the children in the army, Mu Qing was going to choose Hong-er to save, and even if it was in the sense "but he may have wanted to help, but managed to save only one, we don't know because there's no point of view" I still don't think it makes much sense. If Mu Qing had helped the army kids that would have been said, I don't see why MXTX would have taken away something so important that not only would it say a lot about the character, but Mu Qing would still be different in a way.

"Oh because Hua Cheng at least remembered Mu Qing right lol" he remembered Mu Qing and Feng Xin in the same way he remembered those 33 gods and Qi Rong.

Hua Cheng fell in love with Xie Lian for everything Mu Qing is not. He loved Xie Lian in every way for who he is, for the things he did, because he saw who Xie Lian is in both glory and fall, because Xie Lian was the only one to act when he wanted to save the common people and the only one who had the courage to ask him to live for him when Hong-er was helpless and had no reason to stay alive.

Not only would Mu Qing never do that, he even scolded Xie Lian for doing those things.

And Mu Qing would never stop the festival to save a child (I know it's mainly because of the social context since his safety would be at risk if he did such a thing, but it doesn't change the fact that it's not something he would do).

They really want Mu Qing to be Xie Lian, they just can't admit it.

Finally, I wanted to say that I don't care about headcanon, fanon, fanfics and such, what absolutely bothers me is when they treat anything non-canon as canon, and if you say it doesn't make sense because it doesn't fit the original/it's too ooc, you will receive criticism and attacks as if you were a criminal.

Furthermore, stop treating TGCF as if it were an incomplete work that MXTX handed over for you to improve. And stop invalidating her word just because what she created is not to your liking. It's okay to make fanfics and whatever trip you want, but don't want to treat what you create on top of the work of others as if it were the absurd truth, even more so if you don't want to receive criticism just because you don't know how to separate your fanfics from what it's already in the original.

Note: I did this analysis with a friend and there are phrases here that I just copied and pasted from him because I didn't have anything else to add or take away.

[inhumanescreeching]

welcome to another segment of twisting tgcf canon concepts. for today we have tgcf four famous tales but we make them calamities instead

not for the faint hearted nor for the ones who've yet to finish the novel. this gets heavy, and real sad

The Crown Prince Who Fought The Gods

- after the fall of xianle, his highness loses everything; his parents, feng xin and mu qing, his kingdom, everything. he begins cultivating as a coping mechanism, all of his anger buried deep within his heart. neither the whole yong'an revenge nor the hundred swords arc happens, because bai wuxiang for plot's sake doesn't exist here since we're amidst the making of the new white calamity

xie lian's second ascension happens. as soon as he arrives in heaven, he unleashes all the rage he's been keeping inside. he fights every official he sees, screaming bloody murder about how they've left him, how they've wronged the citizens of his fallen kingdom

his banishment is where things go askew. instead of returning to the mortal realm with cursed shackles, xie lian demotes himself into a ghost, harnessing evil intent and resentment of all the people he could not save

his resentment grows strong enough to even break the shackles at some point, and when that happens heaven and earth shake as if a new calamity was born

the new white calamity, mortals and heaven officials alike would whisper, the prince who fought the gods

The Princess Who Slit Royalties' Throats

- this one's pretty gruesome but yushi huang, in a fit and on the last bit of her rope, goes on a rampage the day pei ming's army threatens her family (it was the build up of her resentment for their mistreatment finally blowing over). "if you won't do it, then everyone else's blood should suffice" she said to her greedy king of a father, and starts slashing everyone else's throats

the king, who's rarely showed any emotion, looked up at his daughter in fear as she stood over the bloodbath. she had mad killing intent in her eye as she walked past him instead, out into the pavilion for the entire kingdom to see

she screamed for bloody freedom, for bloody repentance, and cut her own throat. pei ming's army slaughtered the kingdom as promised. the kingdom cursed their king for not sacrificing himself, and pledged their malicious auras to the dead princess instead

yushi huang's ghost grows powerful thanks to this, and with her rose the green calamity, the color of her fallen kingdom's insignia and for faming yk but im just eyeballing for aesthetics sake

The General Who Broke Swords

- a sequel of sorts for yushi huang's tale, she haunts pei ming for a good portion of his mortal life as a general after her kingdom's downfall. she whispered to him white lies and half-truths until he turned insane, became paranoid his men would turn against him

in the end, the revolution to make pei ming the king just . never happens, and instead we get a bloody war of a hundred men against one powerful general with the ghost of a calamity over his burdened shoulders

pei ming leaves rong guang last, and the two former partners stand over the graveyard of their men's corpses. "you've changed." rong guang said. "no, i'm growing stronger." pei ming replied, and the two fought neck and neck until a surge of power lands rong guang's sword broken in half

pei ming kills off rong guang with the very sword named after them, and as per canon after he comes to he realizes what he's done and breaks ming guang in half, except this time he pierces his own heart

up rises the crimson calamity, with his near sentient broken-in-two sword ming (and) guang so imagine e ming for hua cheng that's how ming guang is for pei ming here except it's two pieces of a sword and not a scimitar with an eyeball

The Young Lord Who Poisoned His Wine

- the existence of the venerable of empty words and his brother's constant pressuring drives shi qingxuan into alcoholism. shi wudu has yet to find the fate-swap method so all he's been doing is keeping shi qingxuan locked up somewhere, in some city

shi qingxuan rarely saw daylight due to this, and even so alwags he'd move to a different city in the near future so it didn't really matter. wine did not help, nor did it lessen his worries or inhibitions but he kept drinking anyway

it got to the point that he just . hated living so one day, when he's grown just too antsy after migrating, he snatches a few jugs of wine and escapes

he asks around when he gets to a busy street, and he finds out he's moved to a little village near the beach side. a vendor approaches him, an old man who looks like he knew all of shi qingxuan's secrets, and gives him a small vial. "i hope you make the right choice." the old man said, and when shi qingxuan turned to where he'd walked away there was no one

shi qingxuan walks by the sandy shore with wine and that bottle. he doesn't even hesitate to open it, or pour it into a jug of wine.

the venerable of empty words finds him, whispers "you'll die if you drink that" as if it was a threat, and shi qingxuan smiles darkly. "that doesn't scare me anymore."

he finishes all the wine, and lets himself simmer in the poison. black calamity is born on those salty shores, and the first thing he does is finish off the venerable of empty words

fuck this was so fun i need more of this au send tweet

[lanchang]

Pei Ming tries a brief matchmaking stint and tries to rope Feng Xin into it cause "we are both gods of love my man we HAVE TO" except it goes awfully wrong, they get themselves in trouble and they call Ling Wen to bail them out. She refuses. They call Mu Qing next, he doesn't refuse but he makes them give him merits and he complains the entire time.

okay honestly i cant imagine pei ming doing any sort of matchmaking sincerely i think he would literally just want to keep all the women he could to himself but i can imagine him using that as an excuse to like foist off a girl he wasnt interested in onto someone else so he could get with her hot friend or sister or whatever also i feel like he would have had to fudge the truth a bit to get feng xin to go along with whatever the plan was because i think if pei ming told him "hey i have a girl for you" feng xin might literally run away but maybe pei ming convinces fx that he needs help for some reason but then when they get there pei ming immediately disappears with the nobleman's daughter and leaves feng xin with the friend who knew exactly what pei ming's intentions were from the minute they met and she wasnt going to let her friend out of her sight because she thought pei ming was gross and not worthy of her friend but she turned her back for a moment because feng xin was so intimidated from being around not one but two women at the same time that he knocked over like five expensive vases with one wrong move and maybe that's what sets off the chain of events leading pei ming to call ling wen for help who just sits and listens to his entire plea and doesnt even say "no" she just closes the communication array and shi wudu told pei ming not to call him again after the last time so pei ming tells feng xin to ask mu qing (pei ming's reasoning is that if nothing else they'll end up having such a big fight that he'll being be able to sneak away in the chaos) and mu qing would come down because its much easier to bicker with feng xin in person and needs an excuse to recite the ju yang poem with a fresh audience

[annrandano]

Hi......if you don't mind me asking, can I ask, who are your top 5 favorite characters from TGCF? And why? And what are your top 5 (or top 3) fav moments from the novel? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks.....

Hello!! Oh, I don't mind it at all, I think it's a really nice question, thanks for asking :') I'm sorry it turned out long, but you asked why and I deliver. Spoilers ahead!

First, my top 5 fav characters!

1) Hua Cheng

I've talked about this in a couple posts, but I adore how love is his main reason to become a stronger ghost. Even though he is a "very very bad very terrifying" calamity, his character and who he is revolves around love and, to me, that's a very powerful and interesting motive. It makes me so emotional and his devotion for Xie Lian is just so touching :') Plus, it's extremely easy to trust him and come to love him, and I was very grateful for him while I was reading! I thought it was going to be more difficult to empathize with him but not at all.

2) Xie Lian

Just... Baby (very pair with Hua Cheng). I was pleasantly surprised with him because when I started reading I thought he was going to be more... generic? In the sense that he was going to be the good guy who does no wrong at all and is pure and clean. But his background is so so interesting and dark and he still is the sweetest bean ever. He gets angry, scared, violent. Cries and laughs, loses himself... But finds his way back and does what makes him happy (even though if it's collecting scrap). And you still can see the trauma.

3) He Xuan

I already liked Ming Yi so much, but when his true identity and purposes are revealed... *chef kiss* He's so complex and (even though his actions made me sad) I understood his reasons, his anger and his grief. I could read about him a lot and I love exploring and discovering things about him. I must also say that I have a weak spot for dark, silent, serious characters and that's what he is.

4) Mu Qing and Feng Xin

Mu Qing's so interesting and complex!!! The final confession on the bridge was great and all the mixed signals showed how conflicted, confused and resentful he was for eight centuries. I'm weak for that sort of mechanics. (I'm gonna add Feng Xin here as well because they share a place in my heart and because I'm a cheater and want to add a sixth character). Then Feng Xin, who shares a lot of past with Mu Qing, but they can be easily told apart. I just have a soft spot for him, tbh. He left Xie Lian but felt very guilty (and still feels very guilty). He's loyal, has a bow and is handsome (there's more but I don't want to write the bible).

5) Shi Qingxuan

I love them, that's it. Poor soul had bad luck and got into trouble without even knowing they were getting into trouble. I think I've come to love them more after reading some fics and exploring his character, because in the novel I didn't love them as much. Shi Qingxuan is a very funny, loving and caring character who surprisingly goes through a lot. I would love to write about them!

And now my top 5 moments:

(I don't remember all the things that happened, so I'm gonna list those that first came to my mind when I thought about it).

1) Xie Lian and Hua Cheng moments and goodbye after defeating Jun Wu (and Hua Cheng removing Xie Lian's shackles)

2) Book 4 in general and especifically the conversation between Xie Lian and fire ghost Hua Cheng about Hua cheng's beloved and why he's not resting in peace

3) Xianle trio moments in Wuyong Palace (especially Xie Lian rescuing Mu Qing from the lava and Mu Qing's f-f-friend confession)

4) The reverend of empty words arc!

5) 33 gods and Mu Qing vs. Xie Lian in the mountain and........ the multiple stabbing......... sorry (I didn't enjoy it, but it made me feel many things and understand everything better, I just really like angst)

Shoutout to Hua Cheng "teaching" Xie Lian how to roll the dice, Xie Lian's confession in Mount Tong'lu and the very big sword made of Pei Ming, Mu Qing, Quan Yi Zhen and Feng Xin. Again, this top would probably change if I read the novel again now, but I need time :') Thank you so much for asking and sorry this came out this long........ I hope I didn't scare you asdfg :__

[spockandawe]

I’m so unbelievably weak against characters who make terrible choices because they’re hurting and upset. I love the subtler resentful decisions that quietly build up ill will, and I love the big dramatic choices that end with everyone going down in flames. But more than anything, I love love love hurting myself with the emotional flavor of a character struggling with the tension of simultaneously realizing that people hate/mistrust them (or how much people hate/mistrust them, or which people hate/mistrust them), while also realizing that those people just have... no idea where they’re coming from.

I was thinking about this first because of Mu Qing, who is honestly a very low-key version of this scenario (and it’s also quieter since he’s not a lead character and rarely takes the spotlight himself). But the first big tgcf flashback honestly made my heart ache, seeing him trying to walk a line between maintaining his own independence/pride and not belonging to someone he wants to be peers with, but when he tries to be tactful, people decide he’s being shady.  He was picking cherries, to bring a treat to his poor mother (and the poor children around his home), but then got accused of stealing, and then didn’t want to say that it was because his only remaining parent was living in poverty. And it continues through the present day! He knocks out Feng Xin so he can save him from a burning city, because Feng Xin refuses to leave, and people are like ‘>:OOO MU QING ATTACKED FENG XIN??’ In some ways, this character hurts me more than the others, because he rarely does anything wrong, he has a bad attitude, but his most significant “missteps” tend to be like ‘you could have been a little more kind, tbh.’

But also too, I’ve been working my way through the svsss extras again, and... Shen Jiu. God, Shen Jiu. This character is agonizing, and I love him so much. He makes terrible choices! He does terrible things! He tries to set up an actual literal child to die horribly, because he resents that this child had a parent who loved him, and that he found his way to Cang Qiong young enough to reach his full potential! It’s absolutely unforgivable! But nobody except Yue Qingyuan has any clue how much Shen Jiu has been through and how to possibly help him grow or heal or how to support him into better decision making. And Shen Jiu is so hurt by the way Yue Qingyuan left him that he refuses to let Yue Qingyuan help him now. Like! This child was a slave, begging for food on the streets, then was sold to a rich boy who abused him in sexually-flavored ways and planned to marry him to his sister so he could keep him forever, and then his “rescuer” was a scumbag adult who taught him to steal and murder. 

And while Shen Jiu was suffering, he thinks Yue Qingyuan, who came from the same beginning and who promised to come back for him, was living in careless pampered luxury in a prestigious cultivation sect. Shen Jiu’s own self-evaluations are incredibly harsh, from the moment he’s reunited with Yue Qingyuan. He calls himself terrible, he calls himself a thing, and once it’s clear that he’s going to pay the price for his bad decisions, he tries hard to shove away the one person who cares about him and find some way to protect him. Yue Qingyuan never stopped loving him and defending him, but literally nobody else in the world has any sympathy for him whatsoever. How am I not supposed to be heartbroken? Shang Qinghua sighs over how his readers used to hate on Shen Qingqiu for having no motivations, which, sure, that’s understandable from what’s on the “Proud Immortal Demon Way” pages, but seeing the trauma driving his choices in svsss and seeing his own self-awareness and self-loathing and knowing that one (1) person in-universe has any inkling of his internal world (and that person died trying to help him), I’m! In pain!!!

Plus, in svsss proper, I saw a post in passing once that was something like... ‘readers are hard on luo binghe, because he’s the only mxtx protagonist where we see the worst decisions of his life and aren’t in his head to understand why he’s making those decisions.’ Which I still find fascinating, and think about often. It makes sense to me. And as far as my terrible-decision-making children go, he’s very interesting to me because he doesn’t really deal with the widespread distaste/mistrust that mu qing and shen jiu experience, it’s very much targeted on one person. I live for the parts of svsss where all Luo Binghe has to do is breathe, and Shen Qingqiu flinches and bolts. And Luo Binghe is not acting in kind or well-considered ways, a lot of the time! But he was seventeen, and his beloved teacher had told him that ‘humans can be good or evil, demons can be good or evil,’ but the moment Luo Binghe turned out to be half demon, even though he’d just been fighting desperately trying to protect Shen Qingqiu, that teacher he trusted more than anything immediately turned on him, stabbed him in the chest, and threw him into hell.

That’s agonizing!!!! Even without the aftermath, that’s agonizing to read! And when Luo Binghe comes back, years later, he’s upset, he’s hurt, he’s lonely, he’s still stinging from that betrayal, of course he’s not making good decisions. I follow good blogs, because I haven’t seen any terrible Luo Binghe takes on my dash, but I’m kind of :c that these takes apparently exist. Again, it’s not that I think he makes good decisions, but I can see why he makes bad decisions, and I can see other characters missing that context, and I am rolling in terrible, glorious pain. Luo Binghe shows up secretly in Huan Hua Palace and starts taking it over and generally acts shady as heck? Well, Shizun wouldn’t let him beg for forgiveness when he was a disciple, and he’s afraid to face Shen Qingqiu until he can meet him on a semi-equal footing. Luo Binghe gets angry and spiteful when Shen Qingqiu asks if he’s responsible for the sowers? Yes he does! He’d always, always tried to do right by Shen Qingqiu, and trusted Shen Qingqiu when he said demons could be decent people, but the moment he turned out to be half-demon, Shen Qingqiu immediately started expecting the worst from him at every turn. It hurts! I don’t blame him for acting on that hurt! And I am so endlessly compelled by the way that Shen Qingqiu completely fails to recognize the context for where Binghe is coming from.

And like... I cannot leave out Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao. Xue Yang is fascinating in his own way, because the steps are... a lot more explicit and clear-cut than some of these other characters. Shen Jiu’s downward spiral is very internal and he curls up tight to hide his weak spots even with the person who values him most in the whole world, but Xue Yang very plainly tries to lay out his reasoning for his most important person. His whole world is crumbling by the time things reach that point, and it was probably beyond salvaging, but god! He tries so hard to explain the position the world placed him in, from childhood onward, helpless and vulnerable, and that nobody was going to defend him except himself. 

But when Xiao Xingchen doesn’t understand what he’s trying to communicate, when he realizes that the person he values most isn’t willing to hear what he’s trying to say, he starts lashing out again and trying to hurt. It’s the same lesson he learned when he was young, in some ways. ‘If I’m stupid enough to trust you, you’re going to use that to hurt me.’ And then the logical next step, ‘If you’re going to hurt me, all I can do is try to hurt you worse.’ You can see the trauma playing out right there on the page, and it’s agonizing. I can understand some people not enjoying reading things that make them hurt that way, but I have trouble Getting it when people don’t at least find that kind of dynamic compelling as hell. I’ll sometimes avoid media that I know is going to make me sad, but if I’m in the mood to Experience Sadness, I know a dynamic like this is going to grab me by the heart and shake me like a ragdoll.

And... Jin Guangyao. He was on my mind too, partly because I’ve seen a few takes on his motivations lately that honestly kind of baffle me? Like, to each their own, especially since mdzs never takes us inside his head. But I see posts that like... he was bullying Nie Mingjue, or what if Lan Xichen could Tell he was never genuine and mistrusted him on some level, and how to put this. It’s not that I agree with the choices he made, though I really don’t want to play fandom purity police in any way, shape, or form (murder is good, actually), but I understand the choices he made enough that those sort of interpretations that skew towards the cruelty-for-the-sake-of-cruelty territory honestly kind of upset me.

There’s some interesting comparisons to be made with Mu Qing, in some ways. They both grew up poor, without a father, in “shameful” single-parent situations (a sex worker mother vs. a father being executed for being a criminal). They were poor boys with ambition, but no matter how they tried to carry themselves with dignity, those poor beginnings were rubbed in their faces, years after the fact. I think it does make a real difference that Mu Qing’s shame is mostly based in his own history (sweeping floors) while Jin Guangyao’s is more external (son of a whore), and that Jin Guangyao’s also insulted a parent who he loved dearly, and that Mu Qing was seeking the respect outside of famiial structures while Jin Guangyao was desperate to be accepted by his father.

There’s so much of Jin Guangyao’s early life that’s like ‘I’m Just Trying To Live My Life, My Dude,’ and it hurts me to watch. He really didn’t have goals that were all that excessive! If his goals were excessive in some way, it’s only by virtue of how highly ranked his father was, which isn’t his fault. His goal: ‘I want my father to accept me into the family.’ What the world saw: “oh my god, this son of a whore SERIOUSLY wants to be brought into this noble family, lmaooooo.’ There are characters who are more compassionate than that, and a lot of that reaction is down to the nature of the setting, but LORD, man! It’s honestly a pretty restrained goal for a kid to have! Especially when his father totally promised to come back for him someday, and he waited patiently for years before setting out on his own.

And even once he gets kicked down the steps of Koi Tower and dials back his ambitions, he gets so little space to breathe. He’s learning cultivation late, he takes a position as a nobody in a different cultivation sect, he’s just trying to live. But no matter how he rolls with the punches, no matter how he smiles and bears it, he’s being constantly, constantly prodded in that old, painful bruise. I’ve been finally working my way through The Untamed, and it was painful to watch, in Gusu, when he’s trying to present the Nie Sect’s gift to Lan QIren, and people just start focking gossiping about him, right there, perfectly audibly. And when we see him back in Qinghe, he’s perfectly polite and deferential, and that one disciple is still like ‘fuck you, ur mom was a whore.’

He makes bad decisions, but even when he makes good decisions, he can’t win. I don’t get anything from him at all that suggests he had Hugely Lofty Ambitions from a young age, he just wanted some kind of decent life, but almost nobody would cut him a break. Nie Mingjue did cut him a break, and Lan Xichen was gentle and kind to him, and that made such an impact on him. But I also think it made it that much worse, when he made later questionable decisions, and Nie Mingjue refused to let him explain himself. Nie Mingjue’s rigidity breaks my heart in lots of ways, but especially when it comes to Jin Guangyao. I don’t want to make this all about personal attachment, but it’s kind of inescapable in this situation. Nie Mingjue sends him a loud, violent message that if he’s not perfectly morally upright, he’s Done. But by now, Jin Guangyao has years of history of people being cruel to him based on a history he never was able to control. Nie Mingjue protected him, but hes made it clear that protection was... conditional. There could be arguments about how conditional, and what the non-murdery limits would have been, but the murder has been done, and it was already clear that Nie Mingjue never had the power to protect him from everything.

I can’t read Jin Guangyao’s later actions without also reading that fear and insecurity into his decisions. He even tries to say it outright, that he’s afraid of everyone and everything, and Nie Mingjue misses the point. Jin Guangyao hurts me a lottle, because he suffers both in terms of the general public’s judgment of him, but also in the judgment of someone he cared deeply about. I can see the reasoning and trauma, but so many other people in the story can’t. Jin Guangyao gets pushed to the edge by how his father holds him at arm’s length from the family, the atrocities he tells Jin Guangyao to commit on his behalf (and then maybe I’ll treat you like my actual son, maybe), but when he tries to express that, Nie Mingjue is like ‘can’t you just endure more, though??’ He builds a temple with a statue with the face of his dead beloved mother, and the public is like ‘omg, he made that statue with his OWN FACE, can you believe it??’

In some ways, the way Lan Xichen determinedly loves and trusts him makes it all hurt even worse. I absolutely believe Jin Guangyao when he says that he never once wanted to act against Lan Xichen. So many of the terrible decisions Jin Guangyao makes tie so directly to him seeking either safety or security. But he works hard in social gatherings to keep the peace and people think he’s two-faced. He endures years of mistreatment before hitting back and people judge him for hitting back at all and say that well, what else could we have respected from someone with that background. Nie Mingjue threatens to kill him multiple times, and he was a very straightforward, honest man, of course Jin Guangyao was frightened of him and decided it was safer to see him dead. I live for the pain of seeing a character I love make decisions I strongly disagree with, understanding why they’re making those decisions, and seeing other characters not understand, and simply hate them for the decisions.

This isn’t exactly new, this is why I’ll never be able to shake my love for Starscream, even if his quality of motivation... varies by continuity. And Pharma and Prowl are two of my favorite characters in all of idw1 for exactly this reason. I’ve got  at least three fics brushing up against Pharma’s resentment over ‘yes, i got ordered to run a hospital on a garbage planet I was sharing the most violent, sadistic decepticons in existence, I SURE WONDER WHY I WAS DRIVEN TO THIS DESPERATE POINT, BUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE THINKS I’M JUST A TERRIBLE PERSON, SO I GUESS THAT’S THAT.’ 

And in the murderbot books, I genuinely get reduced to tears when murderbot has to deal with people compassionately interpreting its behavior instead of giving it no credit, the way its used to. I find the raksura books intensely, intensely satisfying in how Moon struggles to fit into a highly social, close-knit society after growing up so traumatized and alone, and how his colony gradually adapts to him and gets used to his quirks, instead of driving him out, the way he’s experienced so many times. No real conclusion here, I was just spacing out during a work training call, and got overtaken by how much I love characters who experience this particular flavor of emotional isolation.

[aeipathic]

oh reading book 4 has me feeling a whole heap of things about mu qing

like. okay. we all know that mu qing is the one who fucked up, right — the one who left xie lian first, the one who stood with others instead of xie lian when the 33 martial gods confronted him because he prioritized his own reputation. and i’m not saying those weren’t bad things, especially the latter. later, he’d regret ever leaving xie lian. xie lian was vulnerable — even if mu qing couldn’t know how vulnerable he was, at that cultivation spot, the fact that he knew he’d resorted to robbery meant he could at least guess that it was bad — and mu qing’s betrayal was part of what tipped him over the edge, right into the perfect spot for bai wuxiang to truly fuck him up. what mu qing did was wrong and had some real bad ripple effects for xie lian. (and, in all honesty, it would be fair if xie lian never quite forgave him for that — or, at the very least, never quite trusted him not to leave again, even if he claimed he never would.)

that said.

i think what gets forgotten is how much mu qing really tried to put things right. he fucked up, and no amount of apologies or good intentions after the fact could negate that, yes, and nor would they guarantee that the next time he found himself in such a spot that he wouldn’t make the selfish decision. but he really did try, y’all. he comes to find xie lian afterwards to help him up. and when xie lian isn’t willing to talk to him, he goes to his parents instead, and brings food, and promises to find medicine, and apologizes repeatedly. and like, i realize apologizing is the least that he could do, but it’s explicitly stated that xie lian and feng xin have never heard mu qing apologize in the years they’ve known him, and we know what his pride is like.

he bows his head and says “i’m sorry.” he says, “yes! i was wrong, i admit it, and i apologize!” (and in that moment he isn’t apologizing only for the incident with the 33 gods, but for leaving in the first place.) if xie lian had given him the chance, i think he would have made good on his promise to find ways to provide for them — because that is, in large part, the reason he left.

it’s true that mu qing left to provide for his own mother and not just xie lian’s family, and it’s true that he left because he wanted to think of himself as well. but he was getting very frustrated with xie lian and feng xin’s inability to see the larger picture and make choices that would help their situation. out of the three of them, he did the most work; they all took grueling jobs during the day, but mu qing was the personal attendant for the entire royal family as well — he cooked, he cleaned, he washed their clothes, he took care of them all on top of their daily work. and he was the one who carried the money. he was the one who was excruciatingly aware not only of what it took to fend for themselves (something none of the others, even feng xin, could be said to understand, growing up privileged as they had), but also of how exactly how little they had. he had to deal with a prince who refused perfectly good bread because it wasn’t the fare he was used to, and who then came near to fainting from not eating enough. he kept trying to suggest ways for them to make more money, to find more stable jobs, and kept getting shot down by the other two who would refuse the indignity of mu qing’s suggestions without offering any solutions of their own. he was the one who had to hold feng xin and xie lian back during fights — out of all of them, in a strange turn, he became the peacemaker. and it never did any good, and it never made anything better.

(feng xin grows angry at him for asking them to consider money when xie lian has just suffered a humiliation. mu qing says that he’ll have to get used to if it he doesn’t want to die. “get used to what?” feng xin retorts. “being humiliated by others? get used to mortals stepping on his face? why does he have to get used to something like that?” and i can only imagine that mu qing is looking at these two, who before the war had all the respect they could ask for, and thinking, get used to being humiliated by others? why not? i did. my whole life, i did. is it so unbearable for you? that, right there, is the moment he solidifies his decision to leave.)

so, yes, he leaves. he leaves because the three of them together is nothing more than the three of them suffering. he leaves because he isn’t being listened to, but, he thinks, he can do better than this. “your parents and my mother, the three of us, who knows how long we’d have to struggle in the mud! if i went back first, maybe there’d still be a chance...” was it a selfish choice, yes, maybe, but mu qing thinks in the big picture. if one of them had wealth — if one of them had resources — isn’t that better than none of them having anything? it’s very true to point out that he didn’t make use of those resources to help until after he’d already fucked up with xie lian — that he could, perhaps, have returned sooner — but i do genuinely think that his plan was to gain a foothold in the heavens, because xie lian couldn’t but he could, and find a way to make things better from there.

because — and this, finally, is the part that really made me want to write all this — i think that a large reason mu qing left to re-secure his position in the heavens is not just his desire for recognition and acceptance (though of course that was part of it), but because of his desire to be the one with the resources to help, for once. xie lian has been helping him for years. xie lian, who had everything, found it of no consequence to forgive an ignorant servant an accidental theft of a piece of gold foil and help cover it up, or to intervene so that that servant could bring a scant basketful of berries to his poor mother. it was easy for him, thoughtless, and yes, mu qing was grateful for it — he had to be — he thanked xie lian for it — but oh, he was so resentful. he resented needing charity. he resented being on that side of the relationship. he recognized xie lian’s goodness, but hated that he had to be on the receiving end, and that he could never stand as his equal. 

and now: here was a chance, maybe, to turn things around. now he was the one who could gain wealth, influence, resources, if he played his cards right, if he got in with the right people, and he could do that. finally, it would be him with the privilege to reach out a hand, to provide, to bring medicine, resources, whatever was needed. he could even things out. he could return the favor. he could be the charitable, and not the pitiful. and i think he wanted that chance. he wanted to know what it could be, to be the one with the means to provide.

(but of course even when he was the one with privilege, even when he did have that chance to be the better person — he wasn’t. xie lian, faced with the judgment of his equals, had never hesitated to stretch out his arms to protect the poor and the hated. he’d done it for that grubby little hong-er. he’d done it for mu qing. but when the chance came for mu qing to do it for him, he was too afraid of losing the respect of his peers — of going right back to being ridiculed and humiliated and shunted out, again — and so he didn’t. and that proved that he was a worse person than xie lian. that it wasn’t about wealth or privilege after all. xie lian was simply a better person than he was. that was the thing about the incident with the 33 cultivators that would haunt him the most, for hundreds of years afterwards.)