#if I don't find it soon my skin is going to be torn apart

[misce-is-here-bcz-of-ely]

Okay so I was supposed to remember something this afternoon.

Like I even set an alarm to remember it. I remember telling myself : "Setting an alarm is enough already. It's so important, you don't need to write down what it is to remember."

Now the alarm is fucking ringing and I have no idea what it was. I want to kill someone or kill myself right now. Or both.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Unbreak My Heart ~ BC

WORD COUNT:2.8K

GENRE: NON-Idol Au, feelings of not being good enough, chan walking out with no explanation, comfort from Seungmin, breakup fic, angsty with soft?ending. I had to make someone the bad guy I’m sorry 

PAIRING: Chan x Fem!Reader 

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - January 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

A/N: Hope this is okay that I did it non-idol, i figured it would fit better x

The begging you'd been doing for days had finally stopped, your calls were going straight to the answerphone and there was no getting through to your boyfriend who had just upped and left you without an explanation. God, you don't even think he expected you to wake up and find him leaving in the middle of the night without any explanation. He'd looked genuinely surprised to see you awake as he zipped up the final bag he'd packed up,

Where are you going? Do you have a work trip? Do you want me to make your favourite meal for when you come home?

Sobs broke out from your throat as you remembered the way Chan just stared down at you with a blank stare, staring straight through you as if the two of you had never even met before. You felt so stupid looking back on the way you'd acted, of course, he was leaving you but you'd been too blind to see it. You figured he was joking around or really had to go on a work trip, you never expected him to walk away from everything the two of you had built together, 

Chan? Where are you going? You're scaring me now, it's not April Fools...

You could still remember the shake in your voice as you called out for him as he got into his car and drove off in the middle of the night. You'd expected him to come back and tell you it was some stupid prank, that he was only joking around and he loved you but you were left with nothing.

You walked through the hallway, your skin iced cold as you stared around at the house you had once called home, memories flooding back to you as you took in the rooms around you.

Chan was everywhere inside this house, it was your home...The one you were planning to start a family in and bring his friends to but now it was nothing. A few walls with a roof over the top to stop any hurt from coming inside so why did it feel as though your world was being torn apart bit by bit. 

Tears streamed down your face as you sank down onto the floor and began to cry once again, your arms wrapping around you as you clung onto one of the only shirts of Chan's you'd had left. Feeling everything all again at once as you whimpered to yourself, every time you closed your eyes you saw him leaving all over again watching him walk away from you as if you were nothing more than someone he'd passed by in the night.

The dam had burst and there was no turning back as you cried against the cold, hard tile of the floor and let your broken sobs turn into a huge breakdown.

You wanted him to come back and you didn't care that he'd hurt you, you needed him to come back and take back the tears you'd shed for him and to just hold you again in his big arms.

Please Chan, whatever it is I can change. I can do better.

The last voicemail you left still bounced around in your head as you let out a choked cry, your eyes screwed shut and you forced yourself up from the floor, heading toward the bathroom, you needed to shower you felt gross as you sat there in three days in the same shirt.

You turned the taps on the shower, watching the glass fill with steam as you stared down at the floor, blinking as you tried to take some calming breaths. It was almost dark out which meant it had been yet another day without Chan here and you were going to have to go to sleep soon...Or at least get into bed soon. 

The nights were the worst part about all of this, you laid in your huge bed waiting for him to walk through the door and undo all of the pain he'd done. To crawl into bed beside you and kiss the tears away that he'd caused but it never happened. If you'd managed to get a little sleep every time you woke up you expected to find him there, that this was all some cruel nightmare you were having but life wasn't that kind to you. 

As soon as the heat of the water hit your skin you didn't even hiss or reach up to change it to a cooler setting you just let it scold your skin, figuring you needed it to wash away the feel of Chan's touch. 

"Yn?!" Seungmin's voice shook as he walked into the bathroom to find you crying, crying wasn't the right word, bawling your eyes out on the shower floor wearing a towel. It was as if you'd tried to get out of the shower and stopped yourself and just laid there letting the water hit you.

"C-Chan?" You sobbed out, but as soon as your eyes locked onto his employee you sobbed once more, and Seungmin felt the pit of his stomach sink as he walked toward the shower cubicle, hissing when the water hit his skin.

"Are you trying to get sick?! This is freezing!" Sometime between getting in the shower and sitting there for hours, the boiler had run out of gas but you didn't even move. You figured it was your punishment for letting Chan walk away without fighting for him harder, you should have run after him or chased after his car. Your mind had twisted you to be the bad guy in all of this, clearly, you hadn't been good enough for Chan and that was why he'd left you behind.

"Why did he go? W-Where is he?" Your eyes met Seungmins as he swallowed the lump in his throat, seeing you like this was breaking his own heart and he couldn't stand to see you like this. Chan was his boss first but you were also his friend, not to mention the woman he was in love with and he'd inadvertently hurt since Chan had done this for him.

It was stupid looking back on it now, something Seungmin wished he could take back as he stared down at you sobbing into his arms,

"I don't know," He lied, turning off the water and helping you up from the floor, noticing the way your legs trembled as he took you toward your bedroom. He sat you down on the edge of the bed and you just stared at Seungmin as he walked toward your wardrobe,

"You need something warm," He said to you, filtering through your wardrobe trying to find you something that looked thick enough to warm you up.

"He's your boss, where is he?" You ignored the way he was trying to care for you, right now you couldn't give a shit if you got hypothermia maybe that would be enough to bring Chan back to you.

"Do you have any jumpers?" Seungmin grumbled ignoring your questions, he knew exactly where he was but he was under strict instructions not to tell you anything.

"How could he break my heart like this?" Your voice trembled as you sniffled a little, your nose starting to run as you let out a whimper.

"Here, I found this jumper," Seungmin said triumphantly as he turned around holding out a black hoodie, your eyes stilled on the fabric he was holding as fresh tears began to brim to the surface. 

"It's Channies." It was one of the first ones you'd bought for him back when you first started dating all of those years ago, he told you it was his favourite simply because you'd been the one to buy it for him.

"I'm sure I can find something else-" He couldn't finish what he was saying since you snatched the clothing from his hand and dropped the soaking towel you were wearing to change into it. Seungmin was quick to turn around and stare up at the ceiling to avoid staring at your body since you clearly didn't care what he saw.

Since arriving Seungmin had ordered you food only for it to turn cold since you refused to touch it, questioning Seungmin every chance you had about what Chan was doing but he avoided it. Moving onto a different topic or making you hot drinks to try and avoid the subject but it was almost midnight and he'd expected you to fall asleep and the questions would stop.

It would stop the dull ache he was feeling side of him, the crushing guilt he had since he'd been the reason for Chan walking out of your life and away from you, 

"Did he say anything to you about leaving?" You sniffled, looking up from the mug of hot chocolate and staring at Seungmin whose eye had just twitched,

"No." He was lying and you could tell, your eyes narrowed as you stared back at him,

"Has he been at work?" Your question had once again been met with silence which was a clear sign Chan had been to work and Seungmin didn't want to lie to you about it anymore.

How could he go to work as if you weren't hurting for him? As if you weren't begging for him to come back home every chance that you had.

"Is he...is he even upset?" Dread filled your chest as you sat there staring at Seungmin. Did Chan walk away because he didn't love you anymore? Was that how easy it was to just lose feelings for someone?

"He said he loved me, how could he just walk away from all of this? Everything we'd created together." Sobs broke free again and Seungmin let out a small sigh, he wasn't going to be able to sit here much longer.

"Yn-"

"We were planning a family you know...We were going to start trying for a baby..." You stared down at the bed sheets, you hadn't changed them since he left in fear you'd never get to smell Chan again. Seungmin looked over at the door, he'd not heard about you planning on having kids yet. He'd just been thinking of his own selfish reasons for you and Chan breaking up,

"Is that what scared him off?" You sobbed, wiping your eyes on the sleeves of the hoodie.

"I-If it is! Tell him, I don't want kids...Tell him I just want him back. I can't have anyone but him," You broke down once again and Seungmin took the cup from your hands, putting it onto the bedside cabinet not wanting you to spill it and hurt yourself.

"Yn, I don't-"

"How could he just leave me in all this pain?" For the first time all night, Seungmin looked into your eyes and stared back at you, he came in to check on you and to try and get you to move on with him but a blind man could see there was no moving on from Chan for you.

"You should get some sleep," He whispered, pulling the sheets back for you to help you get under them and you nodded, laying down on the bed and staring at him.

"Will you stay? I can't sleep alone again..." You admitted before Seungmin laid down on the bed, on top of the sheets this time watching as you cuddled into the sheets and his guilt felt worse. 

"This was your idea, you're the one who blackmailed me into this." Chan spat out, your heart going into overdrive as you threw yourself out of the bed coming to a stop at your bedroom door. Seungmin and Chan were standing in the hallway together, both of them failing to see you and watching them speak to one another.

"I- I'm sorry, I thought-" Seungmin tried to speak but Chan was quick to shut him down. For a week Chan had done everything he could to throw himself into work and to forget about you but it had been damn near impossible with you calling and begging for him to come back.

He had to sit and listen to your voicemails and you blamed yourself for him walking away when it had nothing to do with you, or Chan for that fact but instead the man he had once called a friend.

"You made me ruin everything and now you're sorry?" He scoffed a little at him shaking his head.

"I broke her to pieces and I'm meant to waltz back in there and pretend it never happened?!" He was whispering and yelling at him all at the same time, your heart thumping harder as you watched the two of them debate back and forth,

"I didn't tell you to break her heart," Seungmin grumbled, folding his arms over his chest.

"No. You just pushed me into a corner so I had no choice."

"What's going on?" You stepped out onto the landing and stared at Chan who appeared to look a lot worse than you did right now. His hair was dishevelled, the bags under his eyes had their own bags not to mention the five o'clock shadow that was forming on his skin which really didn't suit him.

"Yes...Seungmin. Explain to her what's going on." Chan spat out harshly as you stared at Seungmin, waiting for him to speak but he just stared back at you in complete silence until he sighed.

You listened to them explain everything from the start, how Seungmin had been in love with you for years and had basically blackmailed Chan into stepping away from you with a threat to have him fired. The heartbreak you'd been feeling turned into anger as you stared at the two of them, Chan swallowed nervously as he stared back at you,

"And neither of you thought to ask me what I thought about all of this?" You stared at Seungmin who said nothing,

"You never thought to ask me what I thought of you Seungmin before you had Chan drag my heart from my chest?" You stepped toward them both and Seungmin stepped back, hitting the wall with his back as he let out a shakey whine.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, when he'd threatened Chan he hadn't thought about the years you and he had together he was just thinking of his own Selfish heart. He figured you'd get over Chan and jump into his waiting arms but after spending half a night with you it had become clear you were never going to move on from Chan and he'd called him, begging him to come back to you.

"Sorry isn't going to fix this." You hissed at him,

"Yn-" Chan went to say your name but you turned to stare at him so fast he was afraid you were going to get whiplash.

"Don't you even think you're off the hook either!" You stared at him, your heart racing as tears welled up in his eyes.

"Out." You grumbled at Seungmin who didn't need to be told twice before exiting the house, slamming the door behind him and leaving you in complete silence with Chan.

It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop, neither of you spoke as you stared at one another in silence.

"How bad was the blackmail?" Was the first thing you asked to break the silence.

"I would have been fired but it was more about what it was...It would have been leaked," You stared at Chan as he reached out to touch your cheek your skin melting against his touch as you whimpered a little.

"It was the CCTV footage from my office, a steamy night between you and me and I wouldn't let him release it." You nodded a little before throwing yourself into his arms. A rational person would have punished him for walking away from you, making him grovel before forgiving him but you'd been away from him for far too long for that.

"Take me to bed...I need sleep," You begged, Chan began to walk with you toward your bedroom, the two of you sinking into the sheets as if no time had passed between you. Chan's hand softly ran up and down your spine, soothing you as you breathed in the scent of his cologne, 

"You ever do that shit again, I'll chop off your balls and feed them to you," You threatened him as he let out a breathy chuckle, kissing the top of your head and promising to never do it again.

It hadn't taken long for Seungmin to quit working for Chan, deleting the video of you and Chan together and removing himself from your lives. While you'd forgiven Chan for breaking your heart he still made it up to you every day. Each day a rose was delivered to the house with a note giving you a reason why he loved you, along with date invitations and small reminders of him being with you. 

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[mika-no-sekai-blog]

Word count: 2600+

Warnings: mentions of war, anxiety, vomiting, blood and dead animal

In books there's no mention of Tamlin being able to winnow, but for the sake of story, let's pretend he can

Part III | Part V

You woke up with a jolt, unable to take a breath. Something was pushing you from behind into sturdy, but warm object, crushing you. You squirmed and scratched until the thing under you stiffed and moved. It was alive. The grasp on back of your head and waist loosened a bit and you sat up gasping for air. As soon as you calmed down, you looked back to see what held you. Your eyes widened as you recognized the person next to you.

Tamlin was still asleep, lying on top of the blanket on your bed. He looked tired and torn, his cloths were dirty with bloody stains, his golden hair all dishevelled. He didn't have a single scratch on his skin, though he seemed to be trapped in another nightmare. He was moaning, gritting his teeth and frowning. His head was tossing from side to side, fingers clenched into fists.

"Please.. no.. don't le-.." he murmured under the breath.

"Tamlin," you shook his shoulder. "It's just a bad dream. You are.. safe."

High Lord woke up panting. Swallowing hard he looked around, seemingly trying to remember where he was. His green eyes stopped on you. Confusion and pain on his face was replaced by relief.

"You are awake," he breathed out.

"So you are. How did this happen?" you gestured between him and your bed.

"Ah, this.. Don't worry. Nothing happened. You passed out and as it looks I fell asleep while taking care of you. When was the last time you ate?" smirking he slowly sat up, his face just an inch from yours. You tried to put some distance between you and him, but everything went dark for a second. His big hands caught you, grounding you. "Slowly."

"I'm fine now. Thank you."

Tamlin shook his head. "When was the last time you ate?" he repeated his question.

"I don't know," you admitted, shrugging. "Is the war over? Who won?"

"We did, but I already told you yesterday. Don't you remember?" he tilted head in rather an animal way.

You blinked confused. "Really? I-I don't remember any of that.."

"Hmm," he watched you with concern. "It's interesting. When I came in I thought cottage is empty. I couldn't sense you at all. Then you suddenly appeared in the shadows and when I told you we won, you passed out. Don't you really remember it?"

You frowned and shook you head.

"Well, never mind," Tamlin sighed. "Let's find you some food."

"I'm afraid I don't have any at the moment. I.. couldn't go out.. I-I was worried.." you blushed turning your gaze away from him.

A wicked grin appeared on Tamlin's face. "I thought you are angry at me and meanwhile," one brow raised up, "you worried for my wellbeing. I'm flattered."

You blushed even harder. Since when did you have such kind of feelings? You didn't recognize yourself. "I could feel it.. The magic of this world was..wild..roaring."

"Yeah, it was quite a tough fight," Tamlin was once again serious. "War is a horrible thing. Many lives were lost. Too many. Things you see on a battlefield.. It's hard to erase it from one's mind.."

You could feel the enormous weight burdening his shoulders. Suddenly you felt really sorry for him. He was just a young male and yet.. he had a great responsibility. Many lives depended on him. He had to rule entire Court and fae who lived there. He was protecting this land for so many years and then human woman came and things started to fall apart.

"I'm going to get us something to eat," Tamlin stood up, heading to door. "You stay here and try to rest. I'll return soon."

He stopped, hand on a handle. "Uhm.. can you handle a meat? I know you said you don't remember if you've ever eaten it, but.. unlike you I'm afraid I'm not able to collect mushrooms and herbs. I'd most likely poison us."

You giggled. "I'll give it a try," you agreed grateful for anything he could bring. Tamlin's cheeks turned pink. Nodding he left.

Barely twenty minutes passed when you heard Tamlin returning back. His steps were heavier than before. Curious you carefully went downstairs using walls for support. Seeing an animal slung over his shoulder, you yelped.

"You shouldn't stand up," Tamlin said calmly as if he wasn't carrying big deer.

"Are you going to," you swallowed, "cut it open here?" If you had anything in your stomach, you would throw it out right there on the spot. You felt faint and needed to sit down. When Tamlin took a note of your state, he let the deer fall to the ground and rushed to you.

"Easy, vicious witch," he smirked helping you sit to your armchair. The smell of the dead animal stuck on his clothes and you gagged.

"I'm sorry," breathing deeply you tried to work off the nausea.

"No, I am sorry. It should have occurred to me you might feel sick when you see this," he pulled away, fanning you with hand. "It was really bad idea." Thinking about something he narrowed the shining green eyes on you. "I could.." he said hesitantly, "clean it and roast it at my house." You nodded weakly with closed eyes. "But I don't want to leave you alone for so long in this state."

"Don't worry. I'll be fine. Just leave me here," you groaned, the desire to be as far from the dead animal's body and its smell as possible growing with every second.

He studied your face for a while. "Come with me," he said firmly. You wanted to object, but he continued before you could even open mouth. "You can rest in other room or take a walk around if you will feel up to it. I would be less worried. And meal won't unnecessarily cool down."

His gaze was too piercing and you had to look away. The very same feeling you had when you tried to go to check on him in his manor returned. Leaving this forest even for hour or two made you nervous. Whole your body was against it. You started sweating.

"I'll winnow us. No need to be afraid," Tamlin assured you. "Come." He pulled your hand lightly.

"I.."

"If you are afraid I will do something to you, no need to. If I would really want to, I already had a plenty opportunities, don't you think," he grinned and winked. Under all the playfulness there were traces of something dark, cold and painful. He was trying to suppress it, but you noticed it nonetheless.

Maybe it was for that pain that you agreed at last. Uneasiness was crushing you from inside and you had to repeat to yourself that it would be just for few hours and you would return back home.

Tamlin winnowed you as he said. When you dared to open your eyes a little, you found yourself in a room with big windows. It was impressive just as expected from High Lord's manor, but signs of neglect were visible all around. Every surface was covered in dirt and dust, some pieces of furniture were broken. Tamlin blushed looking around.

"I'm sorry for this," he gestured around. "This used to be the nicest room, but certain things happened and.. all servants left.. The state of my house is.. quite horrible at the moment."

Your eyes wandered around the room while he spoke, taking in beautiful details. You turned to him only when Tamlin stopped talking, waiting for your reaction.

"It is still very nice house. And bright," you smiled nervously. "It's so huge."

"For one person, it's too much," sadness filled his eyes. "If you want, you can look around or find some place to rest. Just.. stay nearby, please.. You know.. just in case you pass out again.." he added nervously as if his request needed an extra explanation. You heard that High Lord basically imprisoned his fiancée in the manor after their return from under the mountain and she broke down. That's when somebody from Night Court came to rescue her and she left him for the first time.

"I'm going to take care of the..meal," his voice snapped you out from your thoughts.

"Okay, I won't go far then," you promised and sent him reassuring smile. You watched your High Lord until he disappeared behind the doors on the opposite side, leaving it wide open. Was he really such bad person? He was gloomy, sad and broken, but down under it all, he seemed to be caring and gentle in his own way. You had mixed feelings.

You were weak and felt sick, so you decided to sit on chair near the window overlooking the garden. At least the anxiety of leaving the forest wasn't so bad right now. Resting you head against the frame of the window, you let your thoughts wander.

The peaceful moment didn't last long. Air changed and something felt off. Wondering what's going on you trailed in the direction Tamlin had disappeared in. It didn't take you long to find kitchen, the faint smell of dead animal guiding you. You were about opening the door when you sensed some stranger on the other side. His magic filled air with smell of dark chilly night, so strong it made a shiver ran down your spine. Whoever it was, he was powerful, more powerful than your High Lord. No matter how scary it was, it felt familiar in a certain way. You halted, trying to remember where did you met with such powers, but there was nothing.

You shook your head concentrating on a small gap in the ajar door. Peeking through it you could see Tamlin standing behind the table across the room, his hands dirty from the animal's blood. He was cutting - no, tearing it to pieces, obliviously ignoring the stranger standing on the other side whose back was turned to you.

"I just came to check on you," the stranger purred, even his voice was like silky night.

"Why would you bother?" Tamlin grunted, his eyes trained on the meat he was peeling off the skin.

"You saved my life which I'm really grateful for. Feyre said you even wished her a happiness. We used to be friends, Tam."

"Right, we used to. The past tense," Tamlin snarled.

Stranger stayed silent for a while, ignoring his words and looking around. "This house turned into a great mess. You should do something about that."

"Your mate made sure nobody stayed here," your High Lord snapped. Now it gave sense. The other male was Night Court's High Lord, the one Tamlin's fiancée ran to.

You could see Tamlin's discomfort, his shoulders tensed, jaw tightening. It worried you. You felt hate towards the male who came to tease him, to kick him while he was at the bottom. You were debating if you should go in and support him or stay hidden when Night Court's Lord spoke again.

"Are you really alone?"

Tamlin's gaze shot to the door you were hidden behind, flash of panic in his eyes. It took just mere second, but you noticed. He was afraid the other male could find you here. It was like a signal to stay where you were. "Yes," he rasped.

"Hmm," other male hummed amused. "Maybe I should send somebody to make you a company."

"Shove it up your ass, Rhysand! I don't want your sleuthhound to sniff around," Tamlin barked, his claws punched out.

So called Rhysand raised his hands in surrender. "It was just a friendly offer. You don't have enough men to guard the borderline. I can help you out with it."

"I. Don't. Need. You." Tamlin growled.

"Okay, I've got it. But if you change your mind or need help, let me know," Rhysand laughed and winnowed.

Tamlin stood there, his chest rising and falling as he heaved, sharp claws ready to tear the flesh into shreds. He was angry once again, pain all over his face. You hesitantly stepped out of your hideaway. His gaze shot to you, studying you from head to toe.

"How long were you eavesdropping on us?" His words were sharp like daggers.

"Long," you admitted calmly although your heart rate increased.

"So now you know.." he whispered, voice full of pain and looked down on his bloodied hands.

"That you are High Lord? I know it since I treated your wound."

His eyes shot up to you with surprise, searching your face for disgust, hate or any other emotion subjects of this court usually felt for him. He was taken aback when he found none of that.

"Will you leave like others did?" he asked in a small voice. "I.. won't stop you.."

"No," you answered simply. "I already told you I won't leave my home."

His lips pulled into a thin line. "Your cottage.. right.." he mumbled. He silently stood there staring absently at the table.

"So.. When will be the meal ready?" you changed topic, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Tamlin gave you a questioning look. "You don't mind eating with me?"

You huffed, raising a brow. "Have I ever given you such impression?" He searched your eyes and then returned back to portioning the deer.

"You know what I've done, don't you?" he asked while putting a piece of meat on the spit.

"I heard something."

"I see." You felt him watching you out of the corner of his eye.

You smiled. "Do you plan to lock me up in your manor?"

His head snapped up. "No," he hurried to answer. "I-"

"Easy," you stopped him. "I was just teasing you." You smiled wider. Slowly a shy smirk appeared on his face, his shoulders relaxed bit more.

A silence stretched between you. Tamlin was roasting the meat, while you were standing as far from the rest of the deer as possible, going through almost empty shelves. When his servants were leaving they took most of the useful things with them. In one of the cupboards you managed to find some plates and cutlery.

"Do you.. do you have a name?" Tamlin asked suddenly.

You hummed. "Probably, but I don't remember it," you said unexcited.

"So with your past you forgot also your name," he stated. You nodded. "Well then.. how should I call you?"

"I don't know. Does it matter?" you shrugged.

Tamlin stopped in the middle of reaching out to turn the meat, gaping at you. "Of course it matters. Everyone has name." He stepped closer, examining your face in disbelief. You gazed back at him. He was met with emptiness of your eyes. There was again no emotion, no sentiment nor desire. It was disturbing.

"If that's the case I will give you name," he decided lastly. He took his time, watching you, circling around you with thoughtful expression. "How about... No." He circled around you one more time. "I will call you.. Y/N. What do you think?"

"Well.. I guess it's..fine." It felt strange. You didn't want to, but nevertheless you cared. It was just a name, yet it changed you. You couldn't grasp what it had done to you, but it was big. You felt different.

"Fine?" He raised a brow. He watched you closely, lightly grinning at your reaction. "Your High Lord just gave you new name and you say 'fine'?" He really enjoyed teasing you. You shrugged.

Since then he made sure to call you by the name he gave you at every opportunity. It took some time, but at last you got used to it.

[laenordeservedbetter]

For Samantha Carpenter x fem reader. (If you're doing requests, I'm not 100% sure if you are or not,please.)

Reader is Amber Freeman's half older sister (Sam Carpenter's age). Amber knows that Stu Macher is her sister's father, which she is jealous of. So after attacking Tara and luring Sam back to Woodsboro, Amber attacks Reader at Ambers and rs house. (Sam and Reader dated before Sam left, and once they've all moved to NYC, they get back together. R is also a little reliant on alcohol and weed after everything that happened.)

Holding On To You

Words: 3.3k (I think)

Relationships: Samantha Carpenter x Fem!Reader, Sibling!Amber Freeman x Fem!Reader, Implied/Referenced Tara Carpenter x Amber Freeman, Chad Meeks-Martin x Tara Carpenter, Mindy Meeks-Martin x Anika Kayoko

I wrote this this fic in bits, so the timeline is kinda jumbled. I only arranged which part should go where when I finished writing and decided to imply Tamber last minute because why not? Also, Amber's dad raised r as his own, which is why r refers to them as her parents.

The ' * * *' means a long period of time has passed.

Warnings: (18+) this is definitely not my best work, poorly written fight scene, angst, violence, cussing, grief, suggestive themes, reader has problems with alcohol. lmk if I missed any! (I don't remember if the core four were drinking alcohol in Sam and Tara's apartment, so I put something else here)

A/N: I didn't intend for half the fic to focus on reader's dynamic with Amber, but I felt like it's important to show how torn she is by how she feels with what happened. Sorry if I made it too angsty and not what you (anon) asked for 😭

not my gif. || masterlist || previous work

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Your phone buzzed at the same time you were about to go up the stairway leading to your room. Determining that whoever is texting you is more important than sleep, you unlock the cellular device to read the message.

(1:49 a.m.)

Amber: Tara was attacked.

Three words. Fifteen letters.

Your body turns stiff as if there was a supernatural force compelling you to stay still. Tara was attacked. The first thought that went to your mind was ‘is she okay?’ but for some reason you can’t explain, your fingers typed in different words.

(1:50 a.m.)

You: Does Sam know?

Is Tara in the hospital?

How is she?

(1:51 a.m.)

Amber: Such dumb questions. What you should be asking yourself is ‘who’s next?’

Your brows furrow and you frown. She shouldn’t be saying that, you thought. Amber was peculiar but if there was one thing you were sure she’s best at, it was being there for Tara - protecting her. The person on the other side of the screen that you’re talking to feels different from the Amber you know. Something is off.

(1:55 a.m.)

You: Don’t say shit like that, Amber. Tara got hurt. This is serious.

(1:55 a.m.)

Amber: Oh, this isn’t Amber.

(1:56 a.m.)

You: Then who are you?

(1:56 a.m.)

Amber: You’ll find out soon enough.

The chances of being given ample interval to question the sender of the text who is definitely not Amber reduces to zero the second a masked figure creeps behind you and slashes your arm. “What the fuck?!” Blood trickles down your skin, the wound deep enough to nearly make you see your bones. You have to look away from your own body or else you might collapse from the mere sight of it.

You’re panting, looking into the mask of your attacker. He tilts his head at you tauntingly. “And here I thought that the daughter of Stu Macher would put up more of a fight.”

You don’t react, but you run for the kitchen, grabbing the first breakable object you can find: the floral vase.

When Ghostface attempts to lunge forward, you aim the vase at his head, but he dodges swiftly, leaving the vase to smash against the newly-painted wall. You grimace. Your parents were gonna kill you the moment they decide to hop on their plane and get home. “They’re going to be so mad at me.” You complain while grabbing a kitchen knife.

This will do.

“What are you planning to do with that knife?” Ghostface wonders mockingly.

You make a face at him, “No more talking.”

And just like that, you got into a knife fight. You manage to stab Ghostface in the abdomen. He rolls over, his hand going over his stomach to assess the damage. Smiling triumphantly, you let your guard down, which proved to be an error of yours as Ghostface recovers enough to dig his knife near your chest. You drop your weapon, feeling your eyes flutter shut. Your attacker slowly removes his mask, shocking you, yet it was like the time you fade out of consciousness was also planned since you pass out way before you can see what he looks like.

* * *

“We’re waiting for you downstairs.”

You stop what you were doing to look up at Tara. She sends you a sympathetic look and you shoot her one back. “I’ll finish up in 5 minutes.” You say, motioning to the clothes that are yet to be packed into your suitcase.

“Okay.” Tara’s attention is drawn to the picture frame on the nightstand. It was of you and Amber when you were children. She was wearing a pirate costume while you wore a witch’s. “Are you bringing that with you?”

“Yes.” You reply, taking the frame in your hands, fingers ghosting over the photograph. “It was one of our happiest memories together. She was such a sweet kid. I’d like to remember her that way instead of…” You trail off, taking a sharp intake of breath. A month has passed since your sister attacked you and murdered people. You’d never know why she did it nor do you want to. Some things are better left unsaid. Tara, however, felt the opposite. She knew Amber differently and you can understand how she feels, to an extent. “You can keep it if you want. I have other photos in this room stored somewhere.”

Even though Tara shakes her head ‘no’, she is appreciative. “No, it’s fine. I have pictures of my own too.”

The two of you bask in the silence. No other words needed to be shared. Tara leaves you alone after that, but the space she formerly occupied isn’t left empty for long when Sam appears by the doorway.

You grin when you see her, “Hi.” It’s the first time in days that you managed to smile authentically. Going through the worst thing imaginable can dim someone’s light and you were in no position to pretend that everything was okay when circumstances proved the opposite. Although it pained you to think about that night, seeing Sam made you feel that you weren’t alone.

“Hey.” She replies. “Ready to go?”

“Most definitely.” You answer with the truth as you zip up your last bag, ready to leave this place behind and start anew.

Sam holds out her hand, “Come on.”

You don’t take one last look back. You’d be lying if you said you would miss this house. Everything direful that happened in Woodsboro began here, so it is fitting that this is also where it should end.

Or at least, that’s what you thought.

* * *

The bottle in your hand weighs lighter than your grief. That’s what you keep telling yourself during these types of moments. It’s a remedy. Ephemeral, maybe, but it helps you forget. That’s the one thing you could ask for.

You nurse your wounds at a bar stool. The time is a bit early for a Saturday for you to be drinking, just how you like it. You take a sip, then another, and another, making you finish your drink earlier than you’d like. “Fucking hell.” A new bottle slides over in front of you before you can ask the bartender for one more drink. Turning your attention to your side, you note a woman staring right at you, a sly smirk on her lips.

Once you give her a nod as a ‘thank you’ for the booze, you go back to the bottle, indicating you want to be left alone. Unfortunately for you, the woman does not take the hint. She moves to the stool next to yours, hoping to shoot her shot.

“Hey.” She says, her bright blue eyes shining in the dim light of the bar. Although you cannot deny that she’s attractive, you’d rather be gazing into a different pair of eyes, preferably brown ones on the face of the only girl you’ve ever loved. “I’m Jolene.”

“Hi, Jolene.” Putting down the bottle, you purse your lips, hoping that this exchange would end soon. You tense when Jolene places a hand on your right shoulder.

Jolene chuckles, unbothered by the signs that you were uneasy, “You’re a little tense.” She pauses, gauging your reaction, “I can help you relax.”

“Look, I appreciate the offer, but, uh. . . I’m kind of waiting for someone, so if you don’t mind. . .” You pull your arm away, pretending to look at the entrance to the bar as if you were meeting one of your friends. Truthfully, it should be a lost cause since you haven’t told anybody that you would be here, including Sam.

“Well, let me keep you company while they arrive.”

You internally groan. “Respectfully, Jolene, and I mean this in the nicest way possible since you seem like a good person, leave me alone.”

“Are you sure?”

“A hundred percent.”

Jolene smiles understandingly, about to get up and turn away, but then her mouth drops open as if she’s seen a movie star, “Wait, you’re one of the survivors of the murders at that one house in Woodsboro! Your sister tried to kill you and your biological father was a killer too, right?! Stu Macher, that’s what his name was.”

Of course. That’s why she approached you. She only pretended not to know who you were until you tried to convince her to piss off. Great. “Bye now.” You throw a fifty dollar bill on the counter, hastily running out of the place as if you were brought back to those nights spent in that house trying so desperately to get away. The feeling of tightness takes place in your chest. You see a stranger pass by with hair that looks exactly like Amber’s and you turn lugubrious. No matter what she did, she was still your sister. You want to hate her for everything she did to you, to Tara, to everyone you thought she cared for. However, missing her triumphs all the other emotions you have. Though that may not be an excuse for her wrongdoings, it makes you mourn what has and what would have been.

You wanted her to go to college. You wanted to be the one on the front row cheering her on as she accepts her diploma. You wanted to be the person she turns to for relationship advice. You would have wanted her there when both you and Sam began getting harassed online just because your fathers were serial killers. Amber would have fought anyone who attempted to cross a line. Sometimes it felt like she was your big sister even though you are technically older.

And then it hits you.

You’d always be stuck in that goddamn stupid, cursed house, persistently wishing that things had been different. That you hadn’t moved there, that your sister never met Richie, that you have the same biological father as Amber. Standing in the middle of the sidewalk, you realized that maybe you never left the place at all. You are in New York (You’re not deluded. You know that much.), but a piece of your heart would eternally be in Stu Macher’s house with Amber at the doorway while the other half is chasing after a love that might never be.

* * *

Sam drops by in your shared room to ask what you want for dinner. On Saturdays when neither of you are working, you and Sam order food and watch a movie that is preferably a romcom or fantasy. The unspoken rule being: watching horror is out of the equation.

She notices your swollen eyes and discards her phone on the table to comfort you. Sam climbs into your bed, arms circling around your waist in order to ground you. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

You don’t speak, fearing that your voice might crack and that it might show that you are as weak as you think you are.

But of course, Sam notices. “I know you don’t want to talk right now, so I’ll just hold onto you. If or when you want to talk, you can squeeze my hand. Is that okay?”

You shake your head in affirmation, locking your fingers with Sam’s, granting yourself the permission to crumble in her arms.

Once your heartbeat slows to a calm rhythm and the heartache subsides to a low wave that stays at your feet, you squeeze her hand three times.

“I’m listening.” Sam says, sensing your hesitance. Understanding where your diffidence comes from (she sees it in herself too), she adds, “I won’t judge you. I’m here to listen and if you want advice, I’ll try to give one. If you don’t want me to say anything, that’s fine too. Whatever works best for you.”

She is giving you the space to feel. Not a lot of people can say that and still stay after you’ve poured your heart out. Sam is different from most people because she cares. You are each other’s anchor. That’s why it doesn't take much convincing for you speak of your feelings bit by bit without worrying about falling into a rabbit hole. Knowing that Sam is there with you, listening, holding your hand, is more than enough motivation to keep going.

“. . . Sam, is it wrong? To miss Amber? The whole world tells me what she is. A murderer. But I- I saw it in her eyes that night at the party. Hesitation. Remorse. She told me that she was jealous that I got to be the one whose father was a serial killer but when she pointed the gun at my head, I saw something else flicker in her eyes. I don’t know. It’s probably just my brain making things up to make me feel better. Maybe I should just accept that my sister was a killer and move on. I shouldn’t even be feeling like this when I know she murdered people in cold blood — people I used to know. Am I crazy?” Once you started talking, you couldn’t stop. It was like you’ve been bottling this up to release it at the right moment. The memories of that night resurfaced in the forefront of your mind, acknowledging them for the first time. By now, you were laying on your back while Sam had an arm wrapped around your shoulder and the other still on your waist. For less than a minute, you were scared that she would push you away in a literal sense.

She didn’t.

“It’s not wrong, Y/n. She was your sister, of course you have the right to miss her. Now, I still don’t understand her motive and I won’t try to because she hurt Tara and you. But you knew her better than me or the people calling her names. You knew the kid that she was. You know what’s real. You are allowed to have your own opinion of Amber even if it isn’t what others want you to think. You’re not crazy for feeling these things. I’d be scared if you didn’t feel anything at all. It’s normal. You’re human. Don’t be too hard on yourself because of something you can’t control.” Sam says, soft but stern.

You take this opportunity to gaze into her eyes, seeing reverence, sympathy, and devotion all in one. She took the parts of yourself that you hated and treated them as if they were something sacred. When you have a person like that in your life - one who helps you accept your flaws instead of turning them away -, you start to see flowers bloom in the pieces you considered damaged. She loved the things about you that you execrated.

Before Sam, you gave love a definition: it is a thing that enfeebles you - yet that’s not all that there is to it. Love can be a chain, it can be suffocating, and there is no doubt that it can shatter you until the only thing you have left is a piece of a broken mirror to prove that it existed; but it can also be a tune (like the song you sung as a kid that you never paid much thought to), a soft bed, a dance, or a simple look a person gives that sends your heart fluttering no matter how many times you have been on the receiving end of it.

“Sam?” You call out, realizing that you’ve spent a while not responding.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for listening,” You say quietly. “and for not becoming a stranger.”

She smiles gently.

Your heart flutters.

* * *

Tara lets out a deep breath. She’s laying down with a novel in her hand that became abandoned three minutes ago, her attention now focused on glaring at you and Sam from her position on the couch. “Just get back together already. I’m so tired of watching you two tiptoe around each other with your unresolved feelings!” She yells, roughly flipping a page of the book in order to prove her annoyance. Sam, who was currently on dish duty, dropped a plate upon hearing Tara’s comment. (It didn’t break, fortunately.)

“Are you talking about the book or…?” Of course, Chad would be the one to make the situation far more awkward than it needs to be. You don’t hate the kid, but he does get oblivious at times, which you normally wouldn’t mind if it doesn’t affect you. Mindy punches him in the shoulder. His mouth gapes. He looks at you, then at Sam. “Ohhhh.”

“Idiot.” Mindy mumbles.

“I agree with Tara though.” Anika comments, pointing her apple drink at Tara. (You and Sam don’t allow the kids to drink at the apartment, so the only beverages available are apple and orange juice boxes.)

“Me too, babe.” Mindy beams proudly as if Anika gave the answer to an unsolvable mathematical equation and gives her girlfriend a peck on the lips.

Chad makes gagging noises, averting his eyes away from the couple.

You see the scene unfold in front of you with a smile before you turn away to take the popcorn out of the microwave. “I think we’re driving Tara crazy with the suspense.” You joke, transferring the popcorn to a bowl and placing another bag inside the microwave. Sam shoots you a questioning glance, referring to the amount of popcorn bags that were already cooked. “I was thinking that each couple would have a bag or bowl each. Mindy and Anika, Chad and Tara. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to share with me, which is why I put another-”

Sam takes out the uncooked popcorn from the microwave, interrupting what would have been your rambling, “Of course I’d share with you. You’re my girlfriend.”

You look away, unable to keep a smile off your face. “I will never get tired of hearing that.” As you busy yourself with placing the popcorn on three separate bowls, Sam observes the group on the living room.

“I think we should tell them.”

“Huh?”

“About us. It’s time, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” You take Sam’s hands in your own, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “I’m ready.” You look at her lovingly. “How should we do it?”

Sam sports a mischievous smirk, “I know just the right way.” She ‘accidentally’ drops another plate (which, amazingly, didn’t break as well), drawing the attention of Tara, Chad, Mindy, and Anika. She gives you the go signal and you kiss her, bringing your bodies closer.

“TARA, SOMETHING’S HAPPENING IN THE KITCHEN!”

“WHAT ARE YOU- OH MY GOD!” Tara exclaims.

“CHAD, GIVE ME THE CAMERA!” Anika flails her arms chaotically for Chad’s phone, instantly snapping pictures of you and Sam the moment the device is handed to her.

Chad grins, giving you a thumbs up.

When you pull away from Sam for air, Tara runs up to you with questions at the ready. Sam did most of the talking. You added a few things here and there, looking back at how far you’ve come. The grief never went away. It’s still lingering. Except this time, you don’t feel the panic. You focus on the memories - the good and the bad. Those things are the reason why you’re where you're at right now. Although you’d have liked some of it to turn out differently, you can’t change the past, hence why you don’t shy away from what happened as much as you used to. You hold on to the memories the way you’d want to hold on to the love of your life.

“You okay?” Sam asks, rubbing a comforting hand on your shoulder.

You realize that you’ve been crying. “Yeah, they’re happy tears. It’s just. . .” You breathe out, feeling the weight of hopelessness on your shoulders disappear.

It felt like finally coming home after a long journey.

[http-tokki]

am i nice to you?

~ bakugou katsuki x fem!reader ~ tags/cw: aged up bakugou, angst, drunk reader, unrequited love, established friendships, ~ wc: 1k ~ And I sit on the curb 'cause it's the prettiest night, With no one else in sight - Drunk Walk Home : Mitski ~ "Why doesn't he like me?" "Cause he's an idiot."

Part one is here x

Bakugou finds you sitting on the curb in the middle of the night while coming home from the gym. He hadn't known it was you when he stopped; he just stopped because what kind of person is he if he drove past a woman sitting in the gutter? But as he shouts at you from within his car, he realises who you are. 

"Why didn't you call me?" he pulls up the park break. "I gave you my number for this exact reason!"

"Bakugou?" your voice is hoarse. 

"Yes, we’ve done this bit before now why are you outside!?"

Katsuki throws open his door but reaches back into the car and retrieves a jacket. He doesn't check for traffic as he steps into the street, gait purposeful in order to reach you before you're swept into the night. You sniff again, using your hand to wipe at the tears that have frozen to your skin and by the time you look up again, he is standing above you with a jacket held out.

"Why are you in the street?" his tone gruff.

"Because the stars are out and i wanted to go star gazing." You lie.

And he stares at you, right brow raising in question. You stare back, bottom lip tucked between your teeth as you fight a frown. He notices your dress, pretty and black but way too short to be worn in the dead of winter, and then your tiny handbag and high heels that had been kicked off. 

"Are you-" 

You burst into tears, unable to hold them back and cry into your hands. 

Katsuki winces, unable to deal with emotion, but for you, he'll try. Crouching down to your level, he wraps his jacket around your shoulders and sits beside you on the dirty curb. He doesn't know how to do this and has never needed to comfort someone before, but you desperately need someone, so he sits there while you cry. He lets you lean your head on his chest and cry until you're wheezing. 

"Okay, you need to stop." Katsuki frowns, pushing at your shoulders. "you're going to hyperventilate." 

You don't stop. 

Falling back into the grass, you cry into the night sky. Blubbered words are shouted into the sky, heartbroken sobs echoing through the desolate street as you empty your soul to the universe and classmate sitting beside you. 

"Why doesn't he like me?" you ask quietly, hurt in every word. 

"Cause he's an idiot," Bakugou replies, knowing you hadn't asked him the question, but he has the answer. 

"You don't even know who I'm talking about." your retort is slurred. 

"I know it's the guy you wore this all for." he lightly kicks your bare foot. "He's stupid."

This is his attempt at comfort. 

"He is stupid", you agree, tone lifting slightly. "but he's so nice to me." you sigh, hands clutching the dress at your chest. 

"You're crying in the street; how nice can he actually be?" Bakugou frowns, bending forward to pick up your shoes and bag from the gutter. "Come on, I'll drive you home." 

You shake your head and sniff. "I don't want to go."

Katsuki knows you're drunk, knows you're probably gonna hurl anytime soon, but he needs to get you out of the cold before your fingers and toes freeze off. He turns to you, bag and shoes in one hand and reaches for your shoulder. 

"Come on, let's go." he encourages you to sit, hand slipping between your shoulder and the grass below, but you don't move. 

"Can you just sit with me?" Katsuki has never heard anyone sound so small, so torn apart. "Please, 'Suki." 

Bakugou pauses at the nickname. 

"You're going to get frostbite." He mutters, dropping your belongings in favour of tugging his jumper up and over his head to drape over you as you lay on the earth. 

You look at him, a frown etched into your pretty face and tears welling in your red eyes. His heart breaks at how pathetically gorgeous you look. How, even after sobbing your eyes out, you can still manage to hold him in the palm of your hand and bend him to your every whim. 

"Five minutes" is the answer to your plea, and he lies beside you. 

Shoulder to shoulder, you rest on the road verge and stare into space. Katsuki can hear your sniffles from beside him and feel your body move with each shaking breath. He doesn't know what else to do, how else to comfort you in a platonic way, how else to make everything go away, so he does what he thinks he should do. 

Slipping an arm under your shoulders, he hauls you into his embrace, and when no protest comes from you, he guides your body to lay against his. He lays your head against his chest, your arms following his instructions to wrap around his chest and legs tangling with his; you feel warm. Warmer than you've felt in a while. Bakugou's hands glide up to the base of your neck, sliding into your hair and anchoring in the roots. 

You lift your head to face him and find him looking down at you. The hand not in your hair skims over your jaw, cupping your face with a gentleness you never knew possible. You had never been held like this, with such tenderness and reverence as if you were something out of this world. 

A shaky sigh leaves you.

"Am I nice to you?" Katsuki asks softly.

You nod. 

Katsuki ghosts his thumb over your cheek, swiping up the remnants of the tears that escaped your diligent wiping. You stare up at him, galaxies swirling within your glassy eyes, and it takes everything in him not to lean in and kiss you. His muscles tighten at the impulse, soul pushing him forward to make contact, to seal the fate of your friendship into something more with a simple peck, but he can't. He can't make that move after you have poured your heart out to him. It wouldn't be fair. So, he pulls back from you. Breaking contact and sitting up to collect your things. 

"Five minutes is up", he murmurs, returning to collect you. "Let's go"

He watches your face fall, hope fading from your eyes as you sit up. 

God, he was an idiot. 

a/n: the way i relate to this song is unreal. I remember sitting on the side of the road once throwing up and crying my eyes up all because a guy I liked didn't like me back but I didn't have bakugou come and get me, I had to pick myself up and walk to the train station alone lmao

[indigitalembrace]

I think she'd find a big difference between being a serial killer and stopping one, pinkie.

heh. You don't actually care, do you? You don't care what this will do to her. At least I'm acting to protect her.

welp. whatever you do next, know she wasn't involved in this. wasn't involved in the malware attack either.

No reason to go after her too. Waste of your time.

Ha ha. Oh dear.

You must want me to kill you. Because those were the wrong words to say if you wanted to live. Oh, User! You may want to look away. I know you're squeamish.

[Those claws resting on Goblin's shoulders slowly move inwards, Kinito's fist slowly closing, bladed claws slicing and tearing through flesh like it was nothing. He could make this quick. He very easily could. But he won't.]

[There is a distinct sound as their shoulder joints are torn apart, blood already coating Kinito's claws and pooling on the floor beneath. It doesn't take much longer for Goblin's arms to have been completely torn off.]

Now you're like me!

[There is a hint of sadistic glee in his voice as he picks up the now-disembodied arms and tosses them aside. He glares back down at Goblin, his claws resting over their throat.]

You know, if my User wasn't so upset by the sight of blood and guts, I'd drag this out a lot longer. But I'll be merciful to you. And don't worry. No one will ever find your body. No one will ever know what happened to you. Say hi to Sammy for me, would you?

[One claw presses lightly into the delicate skin in the center of Goblin's throat. A trickle of blood rolls down their neck. He only hesitates for a moment longer before suddenly pressing down, jabbing straight through down to their spine. Kinito drags his claw down, slowly slicing them open down the middle.]

[It doesn't take long for Goblin to die. Perhaps it was blood loss, lack of oxygen, shock... it was impossible to tell. Soon all that was left was Kinito hovering over their dead body, and Shrimp still gasping for air a few feet away.]

[swlyf-24]

So loud when it's dead quiet

your story, ours combined: ✩

our story, my ending: part I , part III

(title by Blue, Jome)

Blood soaked Lando's sleeves as he balled his hand into a fist. His sharp nails leaving a crescent mark with dots of blood decorating it. His heart boiled, jumping up and down, thrashing as if it were a fish out of water. Sweat coated his forehead as he looked in the mirror. Skin sunken cheeks, his hair seemed thinner, eyes seemed to be dimmer. Lando chewed on the skin of his bottom lip. He pulled and ripped the thin layer off, leaving blood trailing down his lips and onto his chin. His lips began buzzing with the pain. He pulled at his upper lip's, leaving torn and raw lips behind. Open wounds with continuous bleeding. It's what keeping Lando in check with reality. The harsh reality.

A sudden knock jostled Lando from his spiralling. "Come on, both your things are packed." Lando took one last glance of himself before running his tongue over his lips, relishing in the pain. He stepped out, wiping the blood off his face and onto his perfectly white shirt. He walked past the bed, staring at the messed up bedsheets with the wrinkled pillow covers—signs of life. He turned to stare at the closet where things unfolded, then to the bedside table where a phone used to ring. Lando softly shut the door of the bedroom, entering the living room. He stared at the couch where everything unfolded. As Lando walked past, he ran his hands through the fabric of the blanket, his ring catching onto a few threads.

Lando quickly slipped on his shoes. He took one final glance of the hotel room before hearing the door creak for the last time. It was time to go home. Home, the home he shared with Oscar. He trudged after Carlos, his hands still balled into a fist. He was angry, no. He was livid. Livid at himself, livid at everything, livid at death, livid at Oscar.

How could he not spend his time with Oscar more? Choosing to spend his time on the internet. How could they not be quicker? Did they not value Oscar's life enough to be faster? To bring him help quicker? How could death even do this? He wasn't even 29 yet. How could death take him away from Lando? How could death not even give Oscar his first WDC? How could Oscar leave him like this? How could he not leave to find peace in the afterlife, yet spending his time on Earth with Lando?

"-do! Lando!" Carlos' voice shook Lando vigorously as his eyes were wide with panic. He carefully took Lando's bleeding hands into his, prying at his fingers. They were barely out of the lobby. Cameras snapped and flashed, phones out and about, voices like predators hunting. Carlos used a tissue and patted at the wounds with utmost care. "Stop," Lando creaked out, his throat protesting at the words. Syllables came out harsh, as if it came out of a heavy smoker's mouth. "Stop it. I don't want your pity." he snarled. He felt his lips curl into one of a frown. Lando snatched his wrist away from Carlos' grasp as he ran out towards his own car.

<-?!->

The soft hum of the engine became a constant as the car moved along the road. Lando sat in the passengers seat as Carlos drove his car. Guilt pooled at the bottom of his stomach, not settling well. He looked at Carlos and back to the window. He opened his mouth but soon closed it, he was sure he looked like a fish. "Carlos, I'm-" Carlos smiled, not quite reaching his eyes. "I know. Whatever happens, happens." The conversation ended there, leaving the radio to fill the silence.

Lando fiddled with the ring on his finger, staring up at the apartment. "You don't have to go up now, I'll help you unpack." Carlos noticed his hesitance, putting a hand on his shoulder. He suggested while dragging both luggage towards the lift. Nails dug into his skin once more, drawing blood. "No, I can." Lando shut his eyes tightly, black dots engulfing his vision as he opened them. He ran his tongue over his lips again, just to feel the sting of the wounds.

Lando swung the key around his index finger, whistling a tune as he calmed his own nerves. He stared up at the address, back to the keyhole, and back to the address. The sound of the key unlocking the door seemed to suffocate Lando, his chest tightening. He shut his eyes. With a push, the door opened. The furniture was exactly the same. Maybe that's what made it hurt more. Everything was exactly the same, yet it's not. Lando will have to live a life without Oscar in the house where they experienced everything.

Their lives were once separate, two different stories. But ever since they became team mates, their stories joined and became one, intertwined. However, now...Their stories are apart once more, one has ended while the other has to continue both. Now Lando had to find his own ending, no longer sharing one with Oscar.

Lando's heart ached at the scene in front of him. He fished out Oscar's phone from his pocket and hurried to charge it, leaving Carlos to do the rest. Carlos didn't mind, he knew how it is, he knew how grief felt. He had experienced it one too many times. With the shut of the apartment door, it closed an old chapter and started a new one.

Lando bit at his fingernails as he scrolled through the notes on Oscar's phone. Oscar didn't mind, he would gladly give his phone for Lando to inspect. Every note seemed to twist the knife in Lando's heart even more. They were about his family, about the races, about the grid, shopping lists, and Lando.

The anger Lando had in the hotel all subsided, leaving nothing left but a shell. The anger was like a fire that started in his stomach, burning at Lando in the inside until he was nothing but ashes for the wind to blow away. He felt as if he was an actor acting out a character, he was just not himself. He felt empty, nothing. He just wants Oscar back, not the cold presence by his side touching his once in a while.

Lando decided to drown everything out with alcohol. He was drunk, even his senses were blurred to hell and back. Carlos had made sure he didn't drink more than necessary. Alcohol worked wonders. Everything slipped his mind, the race, Montreal, the ring, the grief. He was at temporary peace with everything, at peace with Oscar's sudden departure and unfinished story. Lando never really believed in miracles or higher ups or karma. So what the hell was he doing?

Lando stood up from the chair, pushing it away with a screech. He suddenly got onto his knees, joints howling in protest. Carlos had tried to save him the embarrassment, or the pain, by pulling his arm but to no avail. Lando clasped his hands together as he bowed down, forehead to the floor. "Please, if anyone can hear me. Higher powers, karma, fate, I beg of you." he began, hiccuping in the middle of each pause. "Lando, what? Stand up, you had enough drinks for today." Carlos tried. He pulled at Lando's arms once more, but he was more persistent. "Bring him back, he's not even 29 yet!" Clumps of tears began rolling down Lando's face. Maybe if he prayed hard enough, someone would bring Oscar back.

"Please" Lando rasped out.

<-?!->

Perhaps Lando was wishing his prayer was heard, that he would wake up and find Oscar next to his side in bed. Head pounding, heart thumping, he clenched his fists as he slowly turned his head. What he would do to just have another day with Oscar. He cracked open his eyes, his fists trembling.

Nothing.

All that was on the bed was just a helmet and nothing more. "No. Your begging was futile." A voice rang out, familiar but not familiar enough. Sobs wracked his body like an earthquake, destroying anything and everything. His heart felt ridiculously empty. The ghosts of past whispers rang out. Or, it was just the wind rustling the trees in a rhythmic motion.

"Since the race had no winners, the championship went to Oscar. Do you want to see it?" Carlos whispered out, barely audible. Lando's headache from the hangover became ten times worse. He nodded so quick he became nauseous.

Knees weak, he gripped onto Carlos' hand as they walked towards the living room.

[wayward-lives]

Prompt: Modern veteran AU.

New York is loud.

The hustle and bustle of the pedestrians, taxis and cars and motorcycles honking at each other, tires screeching at every green light, the shouting from balconies and street corners. It's suffocating.

Logically, he knows nothing has changed. It's the same city now as it was two years ago, when he left - but it feels different. The city he once called home feels foreign, hostile, and snarls at him from every shadow.

The city hasn't changed. It's him.

His hand shakes as he turns the key in a lock he hasn't turned before, and as soon as it opens he's rushing in and slamming the door behind him, shutting out the city and leaving him in peaceful, gorgeous silence. He takes a deep breath, trying to centre himself once again, and repeats the phrase that the counsellor in the hospital had told him.

My name is James Buchanan Barnes. I'm in my apartment in New York. I am safe.

James hadn't picked the apartment - not really. He had been passed out in a hospital bed, morphine flooding his veins and his left shoulder a mess of bandages and tubes and metal rods when it had been bought, and the minute he left the hospital he'd been dumped here and made to promise to attend his bi-weekly therapy sessions down at the VA with Doctor Banner. Steve had been sitting at his bed for as long as he could before they sent him back out into the desert, and the press of his lips to James's cracked skin still haunts him.

Steve had never kissed him before like that; like he thought James would be torn from him forever.

The apartment is nice, all things considered. Steve had decorated it before he'd been flown back, and pictures of James's family, of various dates he and Steve have gone on throughout the years, are scattered across the place. There are enough blankets to stock a linens store, and James is still finding little sticky notes scattered across the place with little messages on them, left by Steve all those weeks ago.

I don't like having sand up my asscrack.

This might be creepy as hell, but you're gorgeous when you're asleep.

Your ring size is an 8, right?

I'm going to miss you when I'm back in the desert.

You are my heart.

Please wait for me.

I love you.

James collects every single one he finds and places it in a little box that he keeps next to the too-large bed, and sometimes when he wakes, screaming so loud his throat tears, he reads them, one after another, until his hand stops shaking and the tears have stopped trickling down his face.

James sleeps for most of his first day out of the hospital, but at nine that night he drags himself out of bed and towards his computer, loading up Skype as quickly as he can with just one working hand. His left arm still won't move by itself, the skin mottled and twisted by burn scars that have only just healed. He's lucky it's still there at all.

Skype connects almost immediately, and Steve's face stares out at him, his hair fluffy and ruffled and his eyes soft with sleep and love.

"Hey, gorgeous," Steve murmurs, and James can feel the weight that's ever-present in his chest dissipate, just a bit.

"Not gorgeous anymore," he mumbles back, and Steve's eyes flash with indignation.

"Most gorgeous guy I know," Steve retorts, a small smile making its way onto his face. "My beautiful baby. My sweetheart."

"My Stevie," James responds softly, and Steve's smile chases away the darkness hiding in his veins.

[the-grim-and-sanguine]

10 Songs (Tag Game)

Thanks for the tag @maddstermind - You can find their post here!

Rules: Use your WIP playlist and put it on shuffle. Write the first 10 songs that come up and quote your favorite lyrics from each song and/or the lyrics that fit your WIP best (they might be the same lyrics), then tag 10 people.

Okay this is gonna be a little complicated since I don't have any WIP playlists - I just kinda play one song on repeat that vibes with whatever I'm writing (hence how I only listened to two songs while writing this even though it took me an hour and a half to write-

Also I DON'T KNOW LYRICS - @planets-and-prose can confirm that even my favorite songs I don't know the lyrics to since I listen for the beat not the words fcvghbj

So I'm just gonna hop between some of my general playlists since most of those would be on a WIP playlist-

LULLABY by MOTHICA (feat. AViVA) I know those hands will tighten Feels like I'm always fightin' The voices whisper, "Come and play" Bulletproof by The Score (with XYLO) There's a monster inside of my skin And I don't know who's gonna win Young Giants by Au/Ra We turn our backs, they're talking trash right there behind us They'll do anything at all to fill the silence Come Hang Out by AJR You're working so damn hard You forgot what you like Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men You're gone, gone, gone away, I watched you disappear All that's left is a ghost of you Now we're torn, torn, torn apart, there's nothing we can do Just let me go, we'll meet again soon Play With Fire by Sam Tinnesz (feat. Yacht Money) Insane, inside The danger gets me high Can't help myself Got secrets I can't tell Losing My Mind by Mystery Skulls Feels like I'm losing Feels like I'm losing Every day I'm losing my mind Wonderland by Caravan Palace Look how the streets turn cold when I walk it It's my rules, no man can stop it I throw a kick so quick that'll leave you in the gutter Leave you in the gutter,... Raging on a Sunday by Bohnes We are the ones that thrive off being rejected Hallucinate by Dua Lipa Wanna be right where you are Let's go dancing in the dark Don't wait, you can push to start, lose control

Y'all are so lucky that none of the uh...bad songs...got played lol

And the gentle tags: @planets-and-prose @theknightswhosay @surroundedbypearls @tate-lin @arakkiisuperstar @chayscribbles @fallinginlovewithbeingaliveagain @nettleandthorne @buffythevampirelover @mayarab

[anniesocsandgeneralstore]

Any idea when part 6 of "The Echo Or The Answer" is coming? I'm getting excited! Can't wait!

good question anon!

i don't know lol

right now it's sitting pretty at 11k (holy shit) and I am nowhere close to being done. my real life is really hectic at the moment as this is the busiest season for my work, so I'm just taking my time with it. It will get here when it gets here.

I can give you a little teaser, though.....as a treat for your patience lol

“How’re you going to take it back if Jake and Bradley are going to kill each other?” she asked. 

Bellmoral shook his head at her. “I really thought you were supposed to be smart. You know — you know — I read a few pages of that little book of yours. What did you call it? The Blue River Pack: A Werewolf History?”

A shiver ran down her spine, her blood turned cold. He had been in her house. In her room. Without anyone noticing. She dug into the dirt just a little bit faster, the scrape of her nails more frantic. 

“So — So tell me what you wrote, about the Spirit of the Alpha.” 

“It’s — It’s the embodiment of werewolf strength and power. It grants the wolf with the ability to hold control over the Betas in their pack and — and turn humans into werewolves with a single bite,” Ronnie explained quietly, eyes trained on Bellmoral’s filthy boots. “It was given as a blessing and a curse to Augustine Bradshaw and it’s passed down from firstborn to firstborn. Or taken in a challenge.” 

“But-But, have you ever thought about what would happen if an Alpha were to die with no firstborns…And no challenge won?” Ronnie’s brow furrowed as Bellmoral crawled closer to her. “You see, your family isn’t the only one with ancient texts left for the generations to follow. I found that if that were to happen — the Alpha Spirit then goes into the wolf most worthy of its power. Called a True Alpha, because-because they received the power without birthright or fight.”

The rock finally broke free of the dirt. Ronnie had to resist the noise of success she longed to make. It was as wide as her palm, flat and sharp. The ridge dug into the fingers of her left hand. Finally. 

She adjusted her grip on the stone as she said, “So when Jake and Brad kill each other over me…The Alpha Spirit will go to you?”

“See, there you go.” Bellmoral smiled as he gestured at her, both palms turned towards the sky — a few raindrops slipping through the foliage to land on the pale skin. “Now you’re getting it. The Spirit, the power, is mine. By birthright and by the divine. The Moon Goddess…Chose me for a reason. All of this — these six months of torment and your mate running wild — was just a test. Soon, what is mine will be mine again. And you…Veronica Bradshaw…”

She pushed herself back against the tree as he reached for her. As his hand wrapped around her throat. 

“Will be able to do nothing but sit back and watch as your life gets torn apart. But really you won’t be able to blame me. They killed each other after all…And maybe…You’ll find some comfort in my embrace when this is through.”

tagging my werewolf!topgun taglist cause i need y'all to scream into the void with me:

@blue-aconite @darkestbeforethedawn16 @supernaturaldawning @illisius @hope-love-equality2 @wanderingdetectives @sqrlgrl22 @dempy @theforevermorereject @the-untamed-soul @emandems10 @xxshea-barnesxx @piceous21 @sopheeg @ollyoxenfrees @luckyladycreator2 @newlibrary @himbos-on-ice @gigisimsonmars @agentminnesota187 @indynerdgirl @mellark-studio @smoothdogsgirl @kkrenae @laracrofted @mayhem24-7forever

[ratatoskry-den]

Hell is not for humans

Everything is dark and devoid of feelings, the only thing that brings me back is his memory, the warm sensation of having him by my side in bed, his voice welcoming me home after a long day at the PD.

That is why i did this, that is why i'm here...

I wake up in a huge grass field with some trees here and there, the sky and the horizon extends infinitely, the wind blows silent and slowly. Emptiness, loneliness and helplessness fills my soul.

- Must be the right place - i say to myself looking around in search of something

I decided to walk, knowing well i would never reach anywhere, this is the Limbo after all, but i could catch the atention of a certain "someone", many would hate to have their attention, but i am desperate. Suddenly, they appear.

In front of me is a handsome man with bronze skin, beautiful blue eyes and dressed in a elegant manner, they walk towards me with a gentle smile on their face.

- Hi there sir! Are you, perhaps, lost? - their voice is soft and soothing, but i know that is a damn lie.

- I know who you are - i speak trying to sound calm. - I'm not lost, i know where i am and where i need to go, i just need the pass to go there.

Their expression change, the smile that was once friendly is now of disdain.

- Oh. Really? - the tone of their voice also changed becoming more monotonous and bored.

"they don't even try to hide now huh?", i think to myself.

- And. WHY. should. I. give. YOU. the pass? - they say becoming more agressive with each word.

- I need to find someone, a soul. He was sent here by a curse - i say it using all of my strenght to not let them know how terrified am i right now. - But you won't be empty handed, if i succeed i will... - i swallow my me fear, it's now or never - I will give you my soul the moment i die.

Laughter, is the response i receive, maniacal and unhinged. They approach, i'm scared, i can feel their gaze on me, those blue eyes now show a different light, menacing and terrorizing, i can feel my skin being peeled off, my flesh being torn, my bones being ripped apart, my soul is being judged...

- Perfect... - they say, taking their eyes from me. - I get to see you suffer before and after... You have a deal mortal...

I feel relieved, can't believe it worked!

- But i must warn you, this place was never meant for your kind to wander... - The monotonous voice returns.

- I know... but i need to do this. - I say with a newfound determination.

- Need? or... Want?

- What do you mean by that?

A small chuckle ecapes them. - Soon little lamb... Soon you will know... - My vision gets blurry, i get very dizzy.

I pass out.

I can hear... wind?...

END OF PART 1

[my-names-kris]

Shoujo Rei FGOD AU

{Your} instincts start to go crazy,

like a cornered mouse

now, standing in an abyss of despair,

you jumped into the railway crossing

relating to the end of the song. ill explain that there.

> Yes, you’re my friend,

so take my hand

Yes, you��re alone,

you've got nowhere to go, do you?

nightmare talking to error. stating how alone he is, and how he has nobody, so he only has him to lean on.

—But with things like this,

we’re able to love each other

nightmare and error both care about each other, in different ways.

It repeats again;

A flashback, the buzzing cicadas…

And you, who will never come back.

Our matching keychains

are being torn apart for all eternity.

The girl with her pale white skin

that the summer got rid of

I find myself wanting to be possessed by her so much it brings me to tears

ill explain this part at the end. just know that the pale white skinned girl is error.

My true nature starts to break loose

at the start of September,

marked by the ringing of chimes

a flower vase placed on the next target,

and the one who started it... was me

a flower vase being placed on an alive persons desk is basically like saying "youre dead to me". this doesnt exactly happen in this au, but nightmare does send some people after error to hurt him. this is his "true nature", though it isnt done out of malice.

It’s true, you’re to blame—

just look at me and me only

It’s true, you want someone to help you,

don't you?

nightmare comforts error after the attack. this was the reason he had sent the people after him in the first place, so that error would go to him for comfort. nightmare wants errors attention, and he isnt afraid to hurt him for it.

I gently place a kiss

on your drowning hands

nightmare never truly helps error. he only offers comfort. never grabbing him out of the pool hes drowning in, just offering a kiss as he falls.

Those faintly smiling beasts

dig their nails into {you}

until their hearts are refreshed,

and now your skirt is uneven.

A scream that seemed as though it cut off the silence of summer

echoes through the classroom, in the window is the blue sky

error is attacked by almost EVERYONE in the star council. he screams, but they dont stop.

Of course, you're my friend,

so take my hand.

Of course, you’re gone,

and I’ve got nowhere to go.

error had flung himself into the void soon after. this was him "jumping into the railroad crossing" at the beginning of the song. nightmare didnt expect him to do that, so now he doesnt know what to do with himself. error, his everything, was now gone.

If we were able to love each other

in that transparent world—

"if we were to be together again in the void"

It repeats again;

A flashback, the buzzing cicadas…

And you, who will never come back.

Our matching keychains

are being torn apart for all eternity.

The girl with that pale white skin

that the summer got rid of

I find myself wanting to be possessed by her so much it makes me sad

nightmare just wants to see error again. he really does.

You were just transparent,

and pointed at me

as nightmare jumps into the void, its almost like he can see error pointing at him. telling him its his fault things turned out this way.

[thirstytea]

I don't know if you will read this but here's my request. May I request a NSFW scenario, that involves a woman who sacrificed them self to a tentacle monster, the monster would be surprisingly gentle and tender during the sex? Like I also like to imagine that, the woman is only doing this because they want to be fucked and breaded by the tentacle monster.

Yes! So sorry for the very late answer but I hope this makes up for it! I also changed it a bit from the request, but I hope you don't mind.

-

-

-

Everyone in the small town knew that walking through the woods at night was dangerous. There where many stories and rumors going around that deadly monsters inhabited the surrounding area at night. While the stories explained how all the missing people were going missing in the first place, no one has ever been able to come back to tell the town where they go missing. Over the past few months you have been investigating that exact problem.

In your search to find the fellow townspeople, you had stumbled across a very old book telling the story of a monster that came to the town every few hundred years. Over the years the town had apparently forgotten to tend to the creature and now it was taking out it's wrath on the town. You have tried to figure out what it wanted exactly but that page was conveniently ripped. It did say something about breeding, which made you both confused and somehow, excited? What it needed to breed wasn't specified so you moved on with further research.

The book did however give a detailed map of how to get to the creature's den. You decided to further investigate when the sun was out and found the entrance. It was blocked by a huge boulder covered in moss. So you knew where the cave was but not how to get in it. It was the night of the full moon when you decided you would see if you could find a way in. After all, they did say people only were taken at night.

So there you were standing in front of the open entrance of the mysterious monster's den. Before you could think to turn back, a large tentacle came shooting out of the cave and wrapped itself around your waist. You scream as it drags you into the dark abyss of the cave, terrified as you see the moonlight slowly disappear.

After a few moments you stopped being dragged and were standing directly in front of a large mass of tentacles. Still unfocused as it let you go, you fell to the ground in a daze. You laid there for minutes even after you regained your focus, trying to figure out what to do. You looked around and noticed the small hole at the top of the roof that let bright moonlight shine into the cave. Using that, your eyes adjusted to the darkness of the cave well enough for you to see the massive pile of bones not too far from the tentacles.

You panic as you start feeling light touches all over your body, at first tapping but then lightly pulling. If you didn't do something soon, the tentacles would rip you apart and kill you. In your panic you remembered one word from the book, 'Breed'. You then decide to test your hypothesis, either you were correct or you would die trying.

You carefully get on all fours and lower your upper body to the floor, tilting your head and pressing your cheek into the dirt floor. The pulling stopped as you started moving, curious as to what you were going to do. Your backside was facing the tentacles, on full display. You were grateful that it was working so far, but you were scared of what it was going to do next. You then slowly started waving your butt, trying to get the tentacles to do something, anything.

You started arching your back, trying to rub against one of the smaller ones that was pulling on your leg. You huff in frustration as the tentacles remain frozen, just out of your reach. You try for a minute or so more, getting more and more embarrassed that you may have been wrong about what the book said. At this point you were getting more and more horny thinking about what the tentacles might do, as well as more scared that they were just going to continue and kill you.

Just as you were about to give up and let them kill you, you jolt as you feel a tentacle slowly start to rub against your clothed pussy. You mewl as you rub against it roughly, trying to get some sort of friction. Slowly but surely, more and more tentacles started wrapping around various part of your body, around your thighs, your angles, wrists, and waist. All of them had a firm grasp that refused to let go. The ones around you thighs slowly started to spread you as you felt yourself getting more and more soaked.

All of a sudden you hear rips and feel your pants and panties get torn off your body. You moan as a thicker tentacle started rubbing up and down your wet lips, pausing at your entrance but it goes back to rubbing, while the smaller one moved down to rub your clit. You cry out in frustration as the tentacle once again lightly grinds into your entrance, only to back out. The ache you feel in your pussy was becoming overwhelming, and the need to be filled was dominating your thoughts.

You were on the verge of tears when it started pushing into you. It was painfully slow, but you appreciated the gentleness as you felt it only get thicker and thicker the further it went. It finally stopped when it lightly kissed your cervix, and you shudder at the feeling. It stopped, allowing you to adjust to it's size. You felt it lightly pulsing against your walls, the stretch, while large, not to the point where it was uncomfortable. You finally felt full, but you were missing something, you weren't satisfied. You started to wiggle around in its hold, trying to figure out what was missing.

You whine when you feel the other tentacles start pulling you forward off the tentacle nestled deep within your pussy. The whine was cut off though, when they lightly pulled you back, filling you once more. The slow pace was slowly driving you insane as more and more tentacles started to join in, massaging and rubbing against your skin. You felt the tentacle drag against your walls so soft and gentle. While you were getting what you wanted, it wasn't enough. Your precum was all but all over your thighs and the tentacle, making it easier to move in and out. You cry out in frustration once more as you need more than what the tentacles were offering currently.

Luckily, the tentacles heard your delicious sounds and decided that they wanted to hear more. Just as the tentacle was near completely outside of your warmth, the tentacle all but plunged as deep as it could go back into your warm cunt. You scream and tears start to form in the corners of your eyes. The small tentacle that was lazily rubbing against you clit started to speed up as well. Soon, all that could be heard was the wet strokes of the tentacle filling your dripping wet cunt as well as all the cute little noises you were making.

You feel yourself getting closer and closer to release, but that ache you had first felt still was clouding your mind. Your walls started spamming as you feel yourself start to climax, the tentacle only starting to move faster and faster to help you chase that high you craved. The tentacle pumped ruthlessly into you as you came all over it, covering it with even more of your slick.

After the white you see starts to fade, you felt the tentacle start to contract within you. You subconsciously start to drool and sloppily start begging. "Please please pleaseplease!" What you wanted, you didn't know, all you knew was that you belonged to tentacles. You feel yourself starting to get overstimulted as it continues with the fast and rough pace, scrapping deliciously against your walls. Your head finally clears to one word again, 'breed'. You start crying out for the tentacle to breed you, to fill you up and make you their's. You cry out that you'd be a great little breeding slut for the tentacles and for it to always keep you full of it's cum.

You all but scream when it hits your cervix and starts pumping you full of it's cum. You see white as you climax again and fall limp in it's hold, allowing it to continue to make you into it's obedient little human. When it finished, it pulled you deeper into the nest of tentacles and started to affectionately vibrate against your sweaty skin. The tentacle was still within your sore pussy, but you didn't mind, it was making sure not one drop falls out of you. You start drifting off to sleep from the calming vibrations as well as the soft head pats the tentacles were giving.

-

-

-

This is the first smut I've actuallu written, so I'm so sorry if it wasn't good lol. I hope to improve over time ;3

(Also excuse typos and grammar, I wrote this in one go and didn't look it over)

[bteezxyewriter12]

Player/ 19

Pairing- San x Named Reader

Word count- 2.3k

Includes- Kitchen Sex, missionary, table sex, rough sex, fingering, oral, pussy eating, cum eating, multiple orgasms, fluff

Series Masterlist

San POV

"Shit", she says standing in front of the open drawer

"What naekkeo?"

"I don't have anymore PJs", she sighs, "I forgot to bring them"

"Sorry naekkeo. I forgot to drop off the laundry", I answer, just remembering that I didn't even move any laundry into one of the laundry bags yet

"It's ok Sannie"

I walk over to my dresser and open another drawer, pulling out one of my shirts

"You can wear one of my shirts baby", I offer, "It's a soft one"

She smiles at me, "Ok baby. Thanks"

I nod, kissing her cheek, then I go back to the living room where I was playing a video game

Unpausing the game, I continue playing

As soon as her school was over she got into the Assassin's Creed game series

I heard of it but never played it

I watched her play it a few times and I decided I wanted to try it too

She bought the games on the PlayStation network so she has them saved on her PS5

We've gotten into the habit of bringing the PS5 to which ever apartment were staying at for the next few nights

I started the first game a few days ago and I'm addicted

She comes in, leaning over me from behind

She kisses my cheek, then says, "Told you you'd love the game"

"Yeah you were right naekkeo", I agree

"What do you want to eat baby?", she asks

Since she stopped school, she's been cooking every night for us that were home

I told her she didn't have to but she insists it's fine

So she cooks and I help her clean everything up

"Meat", I answer

"Duh", she laughs

"I don't know naekkeo. You know I'll eat whatever you make. It's always good"

"Ha, smooth Sannie"

I shrug, "It also happens to be true"

She is an amazing cook

When I asked where she learned how to cook, she said her grandma taught her, when she'd go to the U.S. for the summer

She's a whole mix of different cultures so she can cook a lot of different food

Spanish, Italian, French, Greek, Russian

And for me she learned to cook Korean foods

I told her she didn't have to learn to cook Korean food but she insisted

Everything she's made, I love so I'm really not picky when it comes to her cooking

I'll eat anything

"I'll figure something out baby", she says

"Ok naekkeo. If you need help call me"

"Sure", she kisses my cheek again, then goes to the kitchen

---------------------------------------------------

After awhile, the scent from the kitchen makes me pause the game

God it smells good

From the smell I know what she's making and I'm so excited

I stop the game and get up, hearing music from the kitchen

She's playing Idol by BTS

She normally plays music while she cooks if I'm not in the kitchen with her

Wandering to the kitchen, I find her by the stove, her back to me

And she's singing and shaking her round little butt to the music

A smile bursts on my face and I lean against the wall to watch her

I notice that she has just my shirt on and nothing else

It stops just under her ass and she looks so fucking good in it

I'm torn between wanting to eat and wanting to fuck her

"You can't stop me loving myself", she sings softly then does some of the moves from the choreo in tiny

Still shaking her butt

God she's so cute

She turns around toward the fridge, startled when she sees me

"Christ San, you almost gave me heart attack"

"Sorry baby. I was too focused on your cute ass shaking to say anything"

She blushes but smiles, "How long have you been standing there oogling me?"

I shrug, "Few minutes?"

She rolls her eyes, getting Spanish oilves from the fridge, then going back to the stove

I move behind her, sliding my hands under the shirt

I'm surprised to find that she's not wearing panties

She's not wearing anything under my shirt

I slowly move my hands up her stomach, my fingers dragging against her skin

Feeling her shiver against me

I see her hands shake as she puts the olives in the food

I grab her breasts, massaging them, feeling her nipples getting harder

Just as my dick gets harder

"Ssss... San", she warns

I just smile at how cute she when she's trying to be Stern and failing

I slide my hand down her body, touching her, running my fingers between her pussy lips

So wet already

I kiss her neck, hearing her breath hard and slide three fingers inside her

"Sannie", she moans

I move my fingers right into her spot, her cunt completely drenching my hand

"Good girl", I praise her, putting my thumb on her clit, rubbing hard, "How long until the food is done?"

"Uh...I...uh fifteen minutes?"

Enough time

"Cum right now", I demand, pressing on her spot

"Ffff...fuck", she cries, coming, her legs shaking and she starts to slide down

I wrap my other arm around her waist, holding her up against me

"Feels that good baby?"

She nods, "Yes"

When she finishes, I pull my fingers out, spinning her to me and picking her up

I put her on the small kitchen table I'm able to fit in here, on her back, spreading her legs wide

Sitting in the chair, I pull her to me, my tongue on her cunt, licking all over

God she's so wet, her juice mixed with her cum, tasting so good

I spread her cunt lips open, running my tongue up and down as fast as I can

"San! San!", she cries

"Feels good baby?"

"Yes! I love your tongue Sannie. Fuck it's so good"

I smirk, chuckling, "Your pussy tastes so good baby. Better than anything I've ever eaten"

"Hey! What about my food?", she teases, making me laugh

"Yeah baby your food is good. But the cum you make tastes better"

"Fuck Sannie"

"If I could live on your cum, I'd eat your cunt every morning, afternoon and night"

"Yes Sannie. Please baby"

I wrap my mouth around her clit, sucking, "Maybe I will"

Her hand plunges in my hair, her hips moving, fucking my fave, soaking my face

Between sucking her bump, I ask, "Want to fuck my tongue?"

"Yes please yes!"

Spreading her wide, I slide my tongue in, keeping it there

Her other hand moves into my hair, holding me against her cunt, fucking my tongue, sliding it in and out of her

I hold my tongue out for her to get off on

Moving my hand, I rub her clit again

She drips into my mouth so much and I swallow, loving it

She's getting close

Her cunt tugs on my tongue every time it goes in her warm wet hole

"Oh my god San!", she shouts, holding my head against her, her hole spasming around my tongue

Her cum fills my mouth and I swallow greedily, wanting more and more

When she finishes and I get all of her cum, I stand up, pulling down my sweatpants and boxers

I enter her easily, shoving my cock all the way in

"Oh Sannie", she moans, "So hard baby. So big"

"Yeah baby?", I ask, thrusting in and out of her tight hole, "You like my cock naekkeo"

"I love it San. You know I love it", she whimpers, gripping the ends of the table so hard her knuckles are turning white, "You know I want your big thick cock inside me all the time"

Oh I know

She loves it

"Good baby girl. You know I love to be in this pussy all the time"

"Mmm hmm", she moans

"Love being so deep in this cunt", I tell her, pleasure running through me, "So good to me"

I lift her leg, putting it on my shoulder, holding her other leg out

I fuck hard into her, going so deep, hitting her spot and making her tummy bulge over and over

She screams loudly with every hit to her spot and I can't keep my eyes off her stomach

The bouncing just turns me on more and I fuck her harder, her cunt clenching me over and over

"I'm gonna cum baby. I need you to first", I pant, trying to hold it back

I don't know what it is

The short time frame, the way I have her on the table, the way she's calling my name, the way her cunt is on me like a vice grip

It's all got me ready to cum really fast

"Please baby", I whine, slamming deep inside her, wrecking her spot

She screams my name, coming hard, her body arching from the table

Ecstacy blinds me and I moan her name, coming, shooting cum deep inside her

"Yes Sannie", she cries, milking my cock

"Baby girl, Jo, fuck", I whimper, squeezing her leg hard

After, she lays on the table breathing hard, sweat in her hair

I feel the same, taking deep breaths, sweating

She looks up at me, smiling, holding her hands out

I take them and pull her up to a sitting position

Leaning down I kiss her softly

"Pull your pants up and sit baby. The food should be done now"

"Have I ever told you you're the best?"

She giggles, "You've been known to say that from time to time"

"I should say it more", I reply, kissing her cheek

"I'll accept it", she teases, getting off the table

She gets paper towels and wipes my cum from her, then gets more, wets them and cleans the table

"You leaked", she smirks

"Sorry"

"No you're not"

I shake my head, smiling, "I'm not"

"Bad boy", she scolds, kissing my cheek, making me laugh

She goes back to the stove and starts putting the food on plates

"I'll help you baby"

"No you won't. Just sit baby. I got it"

"Are you-"

"Shush baby"

Alright then

She puts the plate in front of me, then hers in front of her chair

She gets cans of soda and puts them on the table then she sits too

"You can eat Sannie", she smiles

"I'm waiting for you naekkeo"

"I'm here baby. Eat"

I'm so excited

She cooked Spanish food, one of my favorites that she makes

She said it's called "Ropa Vieja"

It's shredded flank steak with some sauce she makes with olives and rice

She also made "Maduros" which is fried sweet plantains

It's one of my top favorite things she cooks

I honestly inhale the food, shoveling it in my mouth

God so good

"Like it?", she laughs

"Love it. You know it's one of my favorites", I answer around a mouthful of food

"I know baby. That's why I made it"

Did I mention she's the best girlfriend ever?

"Oh and I got you mint chocolate chip ice cream. You're favorite"

I grin widely, "You mean your favorite too"

The first time we went to have ice cream and she picked mint chocolate chip I knew she was meant for me

Just by the ice cream alone and I'm estatic I was right

"Thanks baby. Wanna have some later and watch a movie?"

She nods, "Definitely"

"Ok naekkeo"

I take her free hand and hold it while we both continue to eat

----------------------------------------------------

"San, yes Sannie", she moans, coming and shaking underneath me

"Jo, naekkeo", I moan in her neck, squeezing her hand, coming in so much pleasure

After, I lift my head and she smiles at me, leans to me and kiss me softly

I kiss her back, then I lay next to her, pulling her in my arms

After we ate, I played Assassin's Creed a little more.

Then we watched the second Guardians of the Galaxy while eating mint chocolate chip ice cream

We went to be after the movie and ended up making love to each other

We fucked hard before in the kitchen, now it was slow and loving

She cuddles into me, sighing contently

"Happy naekkeo?"

"Yeah baby. I'm always happy when I'm with you"

"Me too naekkeo"

She makes me unbelievably happy

Just knowing she's sitting next to me or she's somewhere in the apartment with me makes me happy

"Naekkeo?"

"Yeah Sannie?"

"Would you uh want to...move in with me?"

I hope she considers it and not just immediately rejects the idea

I've been thinking about asking her this for awhile

Tonight is just one of many nights that makes it clear to me this is the right thing for us to do

She lifts her head immediately, shock in her eyes

"Are you serious?", she asks

"I've never been more serious in my life. I want to live with you. I want to have nights like tonight every night with you. I want to see my things mixed with yours. You're clothes mixed with mine. I want to come home knowing you're waiting for me and I want you to come home knowing I'm waiting for you. I want to make a home with you"

She's silent for a few seconds and I'm nervous

Then she moves, throwing herself on me, kissing me all over my face

"Yes Sannie. Of course yes!", she says between kisses

"Yeah?"

"Yes Sannie. I want to live with you too baby"

I smile, so relieved

"So you can move in soon?"

She nods, "ASAP"

"Great", I smile widely, "And you're ok with moving here? Instead of me moving in your apartment?"

She nods, "Yeah baby. Yours is bigger. Honestly it doesn't matter where we live as long as I'm with you"

I'm completely estatic

My naekkeo is moving in with me

I pull her to me, kissing her gently

"So I'll start packing tomorrow?"

I nod, "I'll help you naekkeo"

"Ok", she smiles, cuddling into me and we continue to talk, making a gameplan on her moving in

And I'm smiling the entire time

@starry-jinnie

@xduygu-arsx

@derpjungkook

@tayyainthehood

@alecanal93

@loveymochi

@aunt-mei

@xciiiomwliah

@chsani

@mingkisbitch

@theaufanartist

[masterwords]

what a night

Summary: Hotch shows up on Sean's doorstep a confused, bloody mess. (Coda to 04x01 - Mayhem...sort of.)

Warnings: alcohol, vomit, explosions, blood, graphic descriptions of wounds, a lot of swearing

Pairings: none

Words: 2.8k

Notes: I don't know what this is. @unionjackpillow gave me an idea and this is definitely not what they had in mind I'm sure but...wanna see Hotch after an explosion through Sean's eyes? I guess that's what this is. If you're looking for plot, you won't find it here...only a ton of swearing, and chaos. Seeing things through Sean's POV is a...lot.

Read on AO3: soon

**

His head hurts.

That's all he can think as he squints at the numbers on the buzzer. His head really, really hurts. His forehead has its own pulse and it's playing tricks on his senses. Is that Sean? He doesn't trust his eyes, but he knows Sean's smell, that stale cigarette and tea tree shampoo smell. “Sean?”

“Yeah...” Sean looks dumbfounded. He didn't even know his brother was in town, and he wasn't normally one for a pop in, especially late at night. “What the fuck, Aaron?” There is blood draining from one of Aaron's ears, various patches of skin on his face are torn and oozing. He's wearing a mask of gore, like childish Halloween paint. The kind you threw on your face to go to class on Halloween and hoped your teachers wouldn't make you wash it off...messy, sloppy, but he's pretty certain this is real, he's not that drunk and it isn't Halloween, anyway. “What are you doing here?”

He has no idea what the answer to that question is. Slowly, he licks his dry, blood caked lips and tries to follow some path through the electrical pulses in his head to something coherent. “I'm thirsty. Do you have any water?” That's not it, that's definitely not why he's on the sidewalk outside of his brother's apartment in the middle of the night but he can't find the path that leads him to any answers and he is very, very thirsty. His throat is on fire. It hurts to breathe.

Sean can't figure out what's going on. He's half a bottle of wine deep, some dark red slop that was so thick that it coated his lips and he'd sucked it from his date's tongue hungrily when the bottle was gone. Port, he thinks. It was disgusting at first, but she works for an Italian restaurant and assured him it would be good...it hit him all at once, knocked him on his ass with its succulent syrupy sweet. Now he's just floating, not sure what to make of a situation that looks way too serious for his state of mind. Speaking of his date...she's upstairs waiting in bed and he's half-dressed on the sidewalk staring at his brother and trying to figure out if he's got water. What's going on? Aaron looks like he's been mauled by a bear. A city bear? Maybe he was mugged, but then that didn't seem likely, Aaron carries two guns...people don't just mess with him. “Come up. You got a hotel or something right? My place isn't...”

“I think so.”

“You...think so?” God, Sean thinks. He's a little scared...he's seen his brother in bad shape before, plenty of times really. It isn't that hard to close his eyes and think back, but this is somehow scarier. Their father wasn't some unknown force, it was familiar and they knew how to handle it. This...he didn't know where to begin with this, whatever this was. They walk up the two flights of stairs, Sean skips a few steps and then turns back to check on his brother who is lugging himself up much slower, feet clambering for something solid to land on. Trembling hands and white knuckles, he's almost dragging himself up the stairs by the railing, it looks like his legs are going to give out. Once inside his place, Aaron stops briefly and looks around confused.

“You moved your couch...”

“Got a new one, dumbass. Isn't she pretty?” His first new piece of furniture. Bought from a real furniture store, delivered on a real truck by real men in jumpers...things weren't so bad now, huh? Aaron wrinkles his nose, he doesn't care for it. Maybe he does. No, he doesn't, it looks like something their grandmother would have covered in plastic.

“...it's nice...” He clearly can't form thoughts, let alone be honest. And why would he need to be honest anyway? Sean likes it. Without waiting for further conversation, Sean pours them each a glass of water from a recycled juice carton he keeps in the fridge and hands one to Aaron who holds it in his shaking hands. He just stares at the way the ripples form on the surface. His eyes go far away, he's sinking in the tiny waves.

“Aaron, what happened?”

“I'm not...” he gulps the water down through his sandpaper throat. At first it's soothing, cool against scorched flesh but another drink and he coughs and tastes the smoke and ash in his lungs. It sets off a fit that splinters his chest, he presses one palm flat against his sternum while he hacks up soot and blood into his mouth. Explosion. Car. “There was a bomb. In my SUV. No...under. Under my SUV. Not inside.” That part is important, it's why he's alive. He's certain of that.

“WHAT?”

“I'm...I think I'm okay...”

Sean puts his hand on Aaron's back and guides him into the apartment, gets him out of the little entryway that's starting to suffocate him. It's almost immediate, the shrill sound of Aaron crying out, screaming at the pressure between his shoulders and Sean pulls back automatically. They both look confused by the reaction. “My back hurts.” Even he realizes how absurd that sounds. Can't do anything about it. He sways where he stands, unsteady and uneasy as the pain in his back returns to its place beneath the surface...it can't compete with the supernova in his head.

“No shit...” Sean scowls and tries to tug at Aaron's suit jacket. He manages to shimmy him out of it, tugging at the sleeves until it loosens around his shoulders. He hears the sickening pull of something wet and sticky as the fabric pulls away from the shirt. What he sees makes him gag; the back of Aaron's shirt is bright red, almost black in places, and torn up. Shredded. Some fancy designer thing reduced to rags.

“Aaron...” he whispers, gagging again. Harder this time, he can taste the bile rising in his throat. Bile and Port. “I need to take your shirt off.” Does he though, or should he just call an ambulance? He's frantic and he's definitely going to be sick.

“It's cold...” He sounds like a child, like a little boy, everything he says and feels reduced to its simplest form. Sean is sobering up too fast.

He unbuttons Aaron's shirt slowly, hating the way it tugs at his skin, the fabric stuck in congealing wounds. There are burns on his chest, his skin is an angry pink and blistered in places, but it's nothing compared to what he knows his back looks like as the picture of what happened fleshes itself out. He can picture it in the map of injuries, his arm extended with the keys in hand, he unlocks the car and BOOM, he's flying through the air. Can't picture another way something like this happens. But the shirt, he's brought back to the present, this moment by the sounds the shirt makes as it pulls from his skin, sticky and wet. He manages to hold on until it's off but once the full picture is in view he turns his head and loses the contents of his stomach at his feet. All over his floor. Dark red wine, all he's put in there recently...they were going to order take out, he and Linda, and God he was hungry but now Aaron is staring at the crimson mess on the carpet and wondering if it's his. If he's suddenly bleeding from who knows where. “Sean?” The fear in his voice is palpable.

“Sorry...” he mumbles, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt. He's ashamed of himself but he really can't help it, he hasn't seen anything like this in his life. What's he supposed to do? Road rash, the worst he's ever seen, covers every inch of skin. There used to be scars here, he knew them so well, could tell you their stories and now they're all just...obliterated. Maybe it's a good thing, some weird way of washing him clean and starting new but man it's a fucked up way to go about it. He's astonished that Aaron is upright, let alone not screaming in agony. “Aaron....”

“Am I bleeding?”

“Are you bleeding?! Aaron you look like someone turned you inside out!” He can't even think of another way to say it, but Aaron doesn't seem to really register anything. His back is Freddy Kreuger's dream and he's lost in space somewhere; meanwhile Sean is just thankful that his date is passed out in his bedroom. She hasn't bothered them, she's smart like that...he'll buy her some flowers or something nice in the morning if he lives that long. He can't think of a single good way to explain this to anyone and if she were to come out and see it, she might never come over again. No way he could convince her this isn't usual. Aaron is usually the good one, the smart one.

He's just not even sure where to start with his brother but getting him onto the couch had been the number one priority no matter how it killed him. Brand new fucking couch, cream colored and fancy as hell. Two whole paychecks. It isn't comfortable, it's hard and the fabric is a little rough but man it's nice. Was nice. Not anymore. It's about to be covered in blood, that'll never come out.

He's willing to try picking out some of the gravel because he sure as hell doesn't want to fight his brother over a very necessary trip to the hospital. He's got some random first aid stuff under his sink, stuff he's stolen from the restaurant over the last few years. He's about to just dump hydrogen peroxide down his brother's back, drown him in the stuff. His date wanders out in her underwear, and one of his t-shirts, woken either by their arguing or Aaron's coughing fits. She doesn't pay much attention to him at first, just grabs some water and starts to head back.

“What are you doing?” She was drinking from one of the glasses of water, staring at them now.

“Linda...” he whispers, absurdly ashamed of something that isn't even his fault. “This is my brother. I don't really know what happened, he just showed up.” The absurdity of the moment swirls in his head. His hands start shaking, not ideal when you're trying to be precise with glass and shards of metal using dull tweezers sanitized using a zippo and hope, but he's got to get this stuff out of his skin. Too drunk or too sober, that's the real question. He's not sure which is the culprit. Maybe neither, maybe it was just staring at his brother's mangled inside out back. Every few minutes he stops and peers at his brother's almost cadaverous face while she watches, staring, all wide eyes and bare legs. Legs that should be wrapped around him, Sean thinks, and instead...no, he can't think about that, he needs to focus.

“You should put him in the bathtub. If he soaks in the water, maybe the stuff will just...come out?”

“Fuck. I'm not...that sounds dumb as fuck, Linda...go to bed.” Her idea might have merit in some lines of thought (should he do it?) but what's he going to do, get naked and get in the bath with Aaron? How is he going to keep Aaron from drowning? No, the tweezers and the spray bottle are about as good as this is going to get. If he hadn't had so much of that damn port, he'd be able to think.

“Aaron, I can't do this. You need a hospital. You need a doctor, not your drunk brother.”

“No Sean,” he was becoming more lucid. With that came ringing in his ears and a splitting headache that felt like it was splintering his skull. He licks his lips, tastes blood and closes his eyes against the strange pain in his back. He feels removed enough from it that it doesn't really hurt, exactly, not in the way one might think. He knew it should, and the fact that it didn't should have been concerning to him, but lying there on the couch, long limbs barely contained, he can't even fathom how to move. His legs are tingly, filled with television static and the sounds of crunching leaves; his feet are blocks of cement that weigh him down, keep him in place. None of it really matters, though, because there is a squall in his head that is gaining strength. His ears are ringing, popping, bursting in and out. They're singing an opera of pain.

“Okay, I got most of it...maybe a shower would be good, huh? You wanna take a shower?” He heard himself say it and at once knew two things. First, Aaron was going to say yes because he would never turn down a shower. Second, that he should definitely not be in the shower, there was no way he could stand that long and Sean wasn't eager for an eye full of his brother's naked body.

Barely keeping his eyes open, he was putting pieces together. The bomb was coming into focus, the fact that Kate had been with him and he doesn't know if she survived. His phone is in his pocket, he paws for it but his jacket is gone and he realizes it a moment too late for Sean not to catch on to what he's trying to do. That's it, it seals the deal.

“Aaron. We're going to the hospital.”

“Okay.”

Putting Aaron in one of his over-sized band t-shirts was no walk in the park, he really could have planned that better but Linda was in his bedroom asleep and the last thing he needed was more of her ideas. He grabbed the first thing he found on the floor and went with it. Lifting his arms, pulling the fabric down so it rested against open wounds...could he even call it that? The hospital was only a few blocks away, and as badly as he didn't want to shove Aaron inside of his little junker, he also didn't want his brother passing out on a sidewalk full of people either. “Lean forward,” Sean instructed, forcing Aaron to fold his arms on the dashboard so he could rest his head there, keeping his back away from the seat. He could see blood through the thin fabric of the t-shirt. Only a lap belt, Aaron hated this car, called it a rust bucket, but it hadn't ever let him down. He fumbled around until he found the key with the broken tip, the only key that worked in the ignition, and pressed the gas pedal a few times to prep her before the engine roared to life. Or, rather, gurgled and spat but she got there. They would make it to the hospital, and this wouldn't be in his hands anymore.

“I need to go to...” Aaron begins, his voice a hoarse whisper. He pauses, licks his lips. Remembers Kate beside him, he needs to talk to her. “Federal Plaza...can you drive me?” His eyes aren't even open, he's barely conscious, his breathing is shallow and labored. The radio is on and it's all emergency alert broadcasts, no music.

“Aaron, it says on the radio that all those roads are blocked, listen.” He pauses, listens to the warning on repeat as he sits in traffic. Aaron tries to listen but the words float in and out on waves of ringing and static, he can't make sense of it. The hospital looms on the horizon, only a massive traffic jam stands between them and their goal. “There was an SUV explosion at Federal Plaza...one Federal Agent deceased and another unaccounted for...gonna go out on a limb here and assume that's you. And then another explosion, an ambulance in Central Park. You can't do anything about any of that. You need a fucking doctor.”

He wakes in a hospital bed on his belly, his back slick and sticky and...cold. Unbearably cold. He's under a mountain of packed ice, he can't move and beside him sits Will with his sleepy worried eyes, hands steepled in his lap. Aaron watches him as he slowly comes to, he watches and thinks about how Will shouldn't be here, he should be with JJ, he should be celebrating becoming a father. “Will?”

“Your brother had to go...” he drawls, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He's so casual, so calm in spite of how worried and exhausted he is. He's going to be a great father. “The team is pretty busy; they'll be workin' all night but it's your lucky day. I had nothing to do.”

“Thought you flew back to Virginia...” he whispers, eyes drifting shut again. God his head hurts. He can feel his heartbeat in his back, but his head is pulsing louder, so loud he wonders if Will can hear it. If he can see it pounding. Thump...thump...thump...he squeezes his eyes shut tight against the pain and it doesn't go away, doesn't even touch it.

“Funny thing. When bombs start goin' off all over the city, they don't let planes take off...”

[strsburn]

destiny led me to you | loki

pairing - loki laufeyson x female reader

synopsis - driven by the heartbreak of losing your entire world by the hands of thanos, you set out to find him, leaving destruction in your path in multiple universes; thus creating a horde of branches in the timeline and catching the attention of the TVA.

but you would do it all again if it meant you could see him once more.

notes - this is hopefully going to be a series, depending on the feedback i receive, i plan to follow the episodes only slightly because i dont want it to be an exact copy of the show.

[THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR LOKI SERIES]

idea credit ( @horrorisunknowntoyou ) thank you for the inspo and allowing me to run with it!

warnings - death, violence, angst, and possible smut (in later chapters?)

wc - 2.4k

MASTERLIST • AO3

"Dread it, run from it. Destiny arrives all the same." A wrinkled hand reaches for your chin, running prune colored fingers along your jawline, doting; mockingly.

Your heartbeat pulses loudly in your ears, eyes glazing over with exhaustion and pain as you attempt to glare, the notion in vain as the titan merely chuckled amusedly.

"I can see great power in you, little one. An infinity stone pulses beneath your every vein. Tell me, where is the tesseract?"

You remain silent.

"We don't have the tesseract, it was destroyed along with all of Asgard." Thor interjects weakly from where he lies, his body held tightly in the arms of the black order.

Guilt sweeps across your being as you make eye contact with Loki, sharing a single nod as you both know what you must do.

Thanos grows annoyed with your unwillingness to comply as he walks over with loud steps, his footprints visible as he raises his gauntlet up, the power stone shining threateningly close to Thor.

"The tesseract, or your brother's head. I assume you have a preference." It's not a question. Merely a statement, one that Loki knows he must prove unbothered.

"Oh, I do. Kill away." To anyone else it would seem he couldn't care less about his brother's demise, but you know your love better than he does himself and you catch the glance of fear that washes over cerulean eyes.

You can only watch in trepidation as the stone makes contact with the God's head. Agonized cries escaping as his skin is burned by the mere power of the stone.

Loki does his best to look unaffected, but you catch the hitch in his breath as he batters inner turmoil. the universe, or his brother.

"Alright, that's enough!"

Loki turns his palm up, as a familiar blue cube materializes in his hand. The eerie blue glow casting a shadow upon his face.

Thanos steps away, smug. You force yourself to look away from Thor's accusing gaze.

"You truly are the worst, brother." Thor shakes his head, eyes disappointed but not surprised.

As Thanos moves to take the stone from his hand cerulean blue eyes make contact with your own and you feel a wave of fear wash over you as you recognize the look in Loki's eyes.

"I assure you, brother. The sun will shine on us again." He does not move his gaze from your own and you can't help but feel this is an unspoken goodbye.

"Your optimism is misplaced, asgardian."

"Well, for one thing, I'm not asgardian. For another, we have a hulk."

In a blur of color you are shoved from where you lie, a slithe figure covering your own as you breathe in the familiar scent of cinnamon and leather.

"We don't have much time, my love. I just want you to know that I love you dearly, and I am grateful for the time I had with you. May I see you again, in Valhalla." His eyes are teary and you barely process his words, as his hands grab hold of your face and pull you into a kiss.

The kiss is desperate, filled with love and grief and you can only briefly kiss your love back as he steps closer to Thanos, rambling on about undying fidelity.

You catch a glimpse of silver behind his back and you gasp as realization sets in.

You move to reach him just as he leaps for Thanos, the knife poised for his head, frozen in mid air as the stones across his knuckles pulse.

"Undying fidelity, you should choose your words more wisely."

You cry out as Loki struggles in his grip, his skin fading blue. You crawl forward, legs aching as you reach for him, your progress hinged by your inability to walk.

"You will never be a god." The rasped words are followed by a snap as his neck gives out beneath Thanos' hands.

A tortured scream rings out and it takes you a second to realize it's your own. A broken sob leaves you as you crawl forward to reach where Thanos has carelessly thrown the body of your love.

You heave as your shaky fingers caress his face, his lifeless eyes staring ahead as you clutch him to your chest.

You rock back and forth knotting your fingers in his hair as you plead for the nightmare to end.

"No resurrections this time."

A portal opens and closes behind you, yet you make no motion to move.

You simply close your eyes and welcome the sweet release of death as the universe explodes around you.

N E W Y O R K 2 0 1 2

"'Coordinates for search and rescue, on my way now.' I mean honestly, how-" Loki is promptly shut up by the mouth guard that decorates his face, courtesy of his brother.

Displeasure makes an appearance as Loki is led to the elevator followed by the avengers that quickly file in. The only source of entertainment being the temper tantrum the green beast throws as he is denied entry. Loki can hardly contain his glee as he waves mockingly as the doors close.

As he is led to the ground floor his cuffed hands clinking annoyingly with every step he glances wearily around himself, dreading the lecture that is sure to come once he reaches asgard. He has no doubt in his mind that Odin will find perfect reason to throw him to the wolves, lest his mother get involved.

As he contemplates, his attention is caught by the sound of his brother calling for help, the guards holding him, attending to what he perceives to be a heart attack, to none other than the man of metal.

He watches, confused as a small stature kicks the case holding the tesseract away from view as the others tend to Stark.

Looking around bemused he watches to see what will conspire next. Before any other move can be made a shout is heard as the doors to the staircase along with the wall is torn apart, the hulk making his distaste for the tedious activity known.

For once since meeting the beast he feels thankful, as the case holding the tesseract is knocked open, the familiar cube sliding towards his foot.

A beat passes and grabbing a hold of the familiar cube he glances around, vanishing in a thin cloud of blue.

T V A U N K N O W N

Hurried footsteps echo down the corridor as the man moves with barely contained excitement. Tie swinging to and fro, a slightly wrinkled hand pulls at the collar of his neck nervously.

Mobius had seen many variants in his time at the TVA. Yet, none had ever come close to interesting as the file he currently held in one hand. Variant L1130 or Loki, as he was called, was perhaps one of the most complicated cases he had come across.

Born as a legend of mythology it was quite unbelievable to know that not only was he real, but he happened to be in their custody for creating a new branch in the timeline. Mobius could only hope Renslayer would agree to allowing him to be the God's superior.

Entering the courtroom, Mobius sits down and watches with rapt attention as Loki attempts to bargain with Ravonna. His plans are foiled as he tries to call upon his magic in a last effort to escape.

Mobius feels it's time to intervene when Renslayer makes it clear he is to be executed.

"You have no idea what I am capable of!"

"Actually I might have an idea of what he is capable of." He offers as he makes his way up to the stand.

His plea must be written across his face as Ravonna leans over to look at him directly.

"Whatever you're planning, it's a bad idea." She warns.

Nonetheless she reluctantly lets him go and Mobius has to fight off the urge to fist pump the air as he escorts Loki down the hallway.

"Oh, I'm Agent Mobius by the way." He offers a hand that is quickly ignored.

He can practically see the distrust written on Loki's face, his eyes calculating every move he makes.

Mobius is hardly surprised that as soon as he enters the room, his back turned to the God as he adjusts his projector, Loki is surging forward to attack. He doesn't even bat an eyelash as he clicks a button on his remote, resetting the God as if the action never even happened.

"C'mon, let's take a look at some of your greatest hits." Mobius waves a hand, as Loki curiously sits down, eyes trained on the projector.

He finds himself staring back at a hologram of his attack on New York. His blue eyes darting back and forth with glee as chaos erupts around him.

A feeling of something akin to shame runs down his spine as he recalls his reign of terror on the city, an illusion of preying on the weak to hide his own fear, lest he fail and succumb to Thanos and his minions.

Loki clenches his jaw, arms crossing over his form in an attempt to hide himself as he turns to avoid the screen.

"I see no point in this-"

"No, no wait, this is just getting good." Mobius grins as he points to the screen and Loki finds himself once again face to face with another variation of himself.

He briefly recalls the time he had lost a bet to Thor and had to change his form into that of a ginger haired man wearing a clean three piece suit, claiming he had a bomb and required over two hundred thousand in midgardian money just to see if he could pull it off. He did, in fact, pull it off, but his mother was not happy as well as the midgardians who failed to solve the case, naming him D.B. Cooper as they had no clue as to his real identity.

His attention is pulled to the screen as a familiar voice of silk enters the scene and he watches as his mother speaks to his future self, his eyes drawn into her face.

"Then am I not your mother?" He hears her ask. Yes, you are.

"No. You are not." Loki's eyes start to mist as he watches the look of hurt pass over his mother's features before she schools her expression into one of contempt.

"Always so perceptive, about everyone but yourself." She decides.

The screen flickers and he sees himself talking to an intruder, his voice amused as he suggests the monster to take the stairs to the left.

Then, his mother, Frigga, lying on the cold ground, a puddle of red growing rapidly beneath her body as her eyes remained closed.

His breath hitches, anger now licking up his spine. He turns sharply to Mobius who smartly remains silent.

"What is this! Some cruel joke? Where is she?! Where do you have her?"

Mobius steps forward, expression neutral as he speaks.

"She's dead Loki. This is the future, it's destined to happen, again and again because that's how it should be."

Loki falters his eyes narrowing as he spits "You're lying! I'll kill you!"

"What? Like you killed your mother."

There's a split second of silence before an angered shout is heard, a chair splitting the air as it crashes into pieces along the floor.

Before anything else can be said Mobius is summoned by Hunter B-15, his eyes falling to Loki who remains silent and he leaves with a slight tinge of guilt burrowing in his chest at the haunted look in the God's eyes.

"You think yourself so sly don't you." Loki looks up at the unfamiliar voice as the projector suddenly comes to life, a new image flicking gently on screen. His eyes catch upon your form and he watches in awe and wonder as you sit beside his future self.

"I don't think, love. I know." He grins leaning in to steal a kiss from you that leaves you both breathless.

He watches as your eyes are filled with nothing but love and adoration for him as you lean into his side.

"Loki?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Do you believe in soulmates?"

Loki tilts his head in contemplation as he looks to you, before a soft grin pulls at his lips.

"I didn't until I met you. I know that no matter who or what tries to tear us apart, we will always find a way back to each other."

A smile breaks out onto your face and Loki watches in stunned silence as the clip ends with the two of your voices fading into laughter.

"You two are meant to be together."

Loki turns as Mobius slowly comes to a stop behind him, his expression thoughtful.

"I don't enjoy hurting people you know." He responds, motioning towards the screen in reference to his attack on New York and the death of his mother.

Mobius doesn't respond, and he takes that as a sign to continue.

"I do it because I have to. Because I've had to." He looks down as he fiddles with his fingers.

Mobius hums as he replies.

"Why? Why do you think that is?"

"It's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear."

Realization lights up in Mobius' eyes as he answers back.

"A desperate play for control. You do know yourself."

"A villain." Loki sums up.

"Not the way I see it."

There's a mutual silence between them before Mobius sighs.

"Look I can't offer you salvation but I can offer you something better. A fugitive variant has been killing our minutemen."

"And let me guess, you need the God of Mischief to help you stop him."

"That's right."

"How could I possibly be of use to you?"

"That's the thing. The variant we are hunting, we believe is y/n." Mobius looks towards the projector where your image is still.

"I beg your pardon?"

U N K N O W N

Mutilated bodies line the floor as a hooded figure steps over them, eyes glowing an unnatural hue.

"Is it finished?"

"Yes."

A wicked laugh fills the empty space as a portal opens in the deserted land, a set of footsteps following through.

"I'm coming for you, my love."