#if anyone else wants to feel free to use the idea yourself though because i'd love to see different takes on it too-

[candledburns]

thinking more about roman time loop fic concepts... like i love the idea of him trapped in a loop trying to save himself and/or neo, but i also love the idea of him being forced to save the main rwby cast as they die repeatedly (no thanks to him), because he doesn’t control the loop and otherwise he’ll be stuck in it forever.

so he’s just reluctantly trying to play the good guy and hating every second of it. no-one trusts him, obviously. and maybe over time he actually starts to get attached to the people he’s trying to save, but while he remembers everything, they don’t, so he’ll always be an enemy to them...

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I know you've touched on it in your Gamzee Essay/general alternative timeline post but may I hear some more about your ideas regarding GamTav (or only Tavros)? You get these two in a way the broader fandom doesn't (which is fine, I'll still reblog even the most vanilla ooc art of them) so I'd really love hearing more of your thoughts:3

Ok, I think this is going to be someeewhat controversial, but I think they're destined for pale together, despite Gamzee's initial flushed flirting. I did in fact reread ALL of Tavros's logs for this.

I think the first thing we need to establish is that Tavros actually feels really shitty about himself. It's obvious that his problem is "self-esteem," since he's constantly prattling on about it, but there's a bit he says as Tavrossprite that's pretty enlightening as to where his actions stem from:

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS, TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD, TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN, TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

He has a mixture of self-loathing and social anxiety, the latter of which exacerbates the former, as his mind tells him that his friends secretly hate him. However, his real problem is what he then does with those feelings - he avoids them and the situations that cause them. This causes two major knock-on effects: the first is that he actively ends up distancing himself from people who ARE nice to him and DO care about him, only adventuring with Vriska because he's a pushover and she's very pushy (he adventures completely alone up until that point, and winds up sleeping almost all the time afterwards); the second being that, because he refuses to actually sit with and address his negative feelings about himself (or anything else), he's never able to fix them, or remove himself from shitty situations.

Something consistent with Tavros is that every time he tries to make a decision before his death and Vriska-prototyping, it's by trying to rely on something external - whether that's his imaginary friend, his robot legs, or the story of Pupa Pan... or relying on advice from Kanaya, or seeking approval and forgiveness from Vriska, or earning flushed interest from Jade. He believes himself to be deeply flawed and untrustworthy, so he allows other people to make his decisions, and when relationships do get intimate enough that someone might get him vulnerable, he peaces out. Even his ill-fated attempt to kill Vriska is heavily encouraged by Vriska herself:

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU, AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, AG: Yeeeeeeees? AG: Go on. AT: i THINK, AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, AG: Yeah! That's the spirit. AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start. AG: Tell you what. AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. AT: oK, AT: tHEN, AT: hERE i COME, AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

As we see with Jade, whom he's attempting to flirt with flushed, he's actively trying to impress her using "self-esteems" explicitly gained from "fake" things he's acknowledging as fake - that is, refusing to be genuine and vulnerable with her, because he doesn't believe anyone would like him the way he actually is.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO, AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU, AT: iSN'T THAT, AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS, AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE, AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

His "dating" Vriska in the dream bubbles is also dubious and one-sided at best, as John calls him out for faking it and Tavros isn't willing to bring up wanting the Ring of Life because he was planning to propose to Vriska. Thus, once more, he's attempting to use something disingenuous (in this case, a human proposal) to win another person's affection, which he believes would be a symbol of actualizing his "self-esteem".

We also literally see him do the "deciding someone wasn't actually important to you after all, so it hurts less when you cut them off before they can hurt you emotionally by noticing your flaws" thing with Nepeta - he actually quite likes Nepeta, and would certainly have enjoyed having her play the game with him, but he assures her that it's not a big deal basically immediately, and insists he'll just find someone else:

AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :(( AC: :33 < im not allowed AT: oH, AT: tHAT'S OKAY, AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN, ... AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING, AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM, AC: :33 < ok thanks :((

But, perhaps most strikingly, is the way he leaves his good friend Gamzee on read after Gamzee suggests... gasp... intimacy.

TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE, TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE. AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY, TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu. TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe. AT: uH, TC: ;o) AT: , AT: ,,

It freaks him out, and he's never seen hanging with Gamzee again. And this is a huge shame, because not only is Tavros one of the only people who is nice to Gamzee and appreciates his religious beliefs, but Gamzee is one of the only people who hears out Tavros's genuine insecurities and desires without making fun of him:

AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES, AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES, AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE, AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS, TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!) TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS! AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING, AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING, AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE, AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE, AT: oOPS, AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,, TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!

(Compare:)

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW, PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK, PAT: lYING DOWN, PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK, CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY??? CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

He isn't able to do a REAL self-confidence at least until he gives Vriska the bird and flies away, for the first time asserting that he thinks she's an asshole and doesn't actually want or need her validation or approval. After that, he's able to convince a ghost army to follow him using friendship and asking and niceness. Breath powers! Also Page powers! Also actual self-esteems! Although I don't personally hold anything after Game Over as anything more than soft canon, I think we can still see a fairly straightforward character arc reach a natural conclusion there.

But as to why I specifically think him and Gamzee are destined for pale, despite what appears to be flushed leanings from Gamzee's end, and despite the fact that I usually believe what the comic tells me, is because what brief few interactions we see between them are very much pale in nature, and it would be kind of narratively bizarre if Gamzee were set up to have a failed moirallegiance - the quadrant described as "soul mates" - without managing to find his real soul mate after. And who's it going to be? Equius? Or the guy that Gamzee literally says he feels "at chill with" talking to?

Gamzee kissing Tavros's corpse is often used as evidence for his desire for flushed, but I disagree - however Gamzee feels about Tavros romantically, kissing a dead player is how you revive them, so it reads to me - especially given how sad Gamzee is about Tavros dying - more like a desperate act to bring him back. Lest we forget, Terezi also gives it a try, and Karkat kisses Kanaya for the same reason - the reality that their extra lives are gone hasn't sunk in yet for these 13 year old kids, so they must try revival even if they know it won't work.

Moreover, Gamzee indirectly describes Tavros as his "best friend," after having called Karkat that through most of the game, and having an implied pale crush on Karkat during that time.

TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER. TC: its the fuckin puppet. TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW. TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC

Moreover moreover, what Karkat cites as being the cause of their moirallegiance's failure is Gamzee's religious beliefs:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

Which are explicitly what Tavros invites Gamzee to speak on, and appreciates:

AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH, AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY, AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS, AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS, TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo. ... AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:) TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs... TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk AT: HONK, TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk! AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT, TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!! AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

But also in Tavros's single conversation with Gamzee, we see Tavros stand up to a highblood:

TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk AT: }:o), hEH, TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO! TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT? AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST, AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO, AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE, AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS, TC: hAhAhAhA. AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT, ... TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH. TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA. AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT, AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,

He feels safe with Gamzee, enough to take a bit of an attitude with him, enough to open up about his insecurities about his disability and how much he wishes he was like Pupa Pan, and Gamzee explicitly states he feels calm when he talks to Tavros, which is the stated function of a moirallegiance.

TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA, TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu. AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,

And the thing is, trolls are constantly getting into moirallegiances when they want to be flushed (Eridan, Kanaya), having palecrushes when they want to be friends (Gamzee), and winding up flushed with their moirail (pale solfef is forshadowed in the same breath as pale erikar, and they don't seem to confirm a matespritship until after Sollux's actual flushed crush, Aradia, explodes). Especially for Gamzee, who was neglected by his lusus and struggles with social interaction to the point where he feels like he has to hide his real self (casteist beliefs, constant talk of religion and murder, which, by the way, come out when he talks to Tavros), it'd be easy for him to mistake the "instinctive attraction" of moirallegiance for the passions of matespritship.

These thoughts are all pretty disorganized - I'm really sorry, it's super late/early for me and I'm exhausted for other reasons - but I hope that that . was what you wanted? hahah

[bruh-myguy-what]

If Not Him, Perhaps Me

Let me just say... I hate moving. The whole process has been something else (derogatory). I've not gotten to all of my requests either because of that. I've been in limbo with this moving process for the last four months, but I've finally secured a place and will be moving soon! Anyway, I was able to finish (finally) this chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it! ______________________________________________

Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4

Pairing- Thrawn x f!reader x Luke Skywalker

Summary- Life on the Chimera actually...improves a lot. You're surprised by the hospitality shown to you and your relationship with Thrawn starts to change? Hearing from Luke also helps since it's been so long...

Word Count- 3.6K

Warnings- Mentions of kidnapping, confrontation, pining, kissing, nothing major

It'd been weeks since you'd seen Thrawn last, from what you counted, at least. Your idea of time had gotten a little better after being moved into a comfortable room with the ability to govern yourself. There had been a time or two during those weeks that you'd left your room to see if you could visit Thrawn, but you were met with the troopers telling you he wasn't around. The troopers clarified that he was away for business. The news was annoying the first time because you'd wanted to give him a piece of your mind for annotating your art as if it were to be critiqued by someone like him! But by the second and third time you were turned away, you were surprisingly disappointed.

Disappointed and mildly apprehensive…

Though, you would've rather choked on your tongue before conceding that to anyone.

Lying in bed, nestled and wrapped in warm blankets, you were reading a few documents on a datapad one of the troopers had brought you a few days ago. You aimed to learn as much as possible about Thrawn and asking him directly was completely out of the question, but you knew that if you were spending time here you needed to collect as much as you could. The vision of the arrogant expression he'd have if you ever even alluded to any curiosity about him appeared in your mind and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. No. You needed to learn the information without letting him know you were interested and also to be able to take the things you'd find back to your friends to benefit in protecting the New Republic. Sleep was quickly beginning to take you and your eyes began to droop; though, it wasn't long after your eyes had shut that a voice softly called your name. It sounded familiar, soothing. The daze of slumber prevented you from instantly recognizing the voice until they called your name again, imploring you to respond.

"Please, answer me. Hear me."

"Luke…" Your first instinct, even through your groggy state, was to whisper his name. There was no clear insight yet of who was speaking to you until his name left your lips and the voice expressed relief.

"Thank the Force, you're alive. I…I've been so worried. None of my other attempts worked and-and I couldn't feel you for so long. I assumed…" He sounded choked up as his voice withered from your mind. "I thought I'd lost you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Luke apologized profusely, his voice trembling as he appeared to speak from far away. Then you recalled, through your sleep, that he used to do this while away on missions. He'd first initiated it with Leia, to let the two of you know he was okay, but then he began doing it with you as well.

He'd explained it before, once when the two of you had been alone and were appreciating the rare free time out on top of the Falcon; it was what the Jedi called a Force bond. Something he'd never experienced entirely, other than with Leia with whom he'd always had a connection. It was also the moment you thought he would kiss you…but he never did; never had. The attachment rule that he'd learned while in his trials with Yoda consistently stuck with him and it maintained you at a bitter distance from the man you'd fallen in love with.

But right now you didn't care about that distance because being that close to him would've been far more comforting than how far apart the two of you were now. "Luke…" You groggily said again as you shifted around in the large bed, the blankets rustling around you and his soft chuckle echoed in your mind. It warmed your heart to hear, it'd felt so long and you'd nearly forgotten the precious sound.

"It sounds as if you're resting, I'm sorry for bothering you." He taunted lightheartedly, undoubtedly at ease to know you were alright.

You smiled, feeling yourself attempting to reach out to the Jedi Knight as if he were in the room with you. Then you coldly realized you were alone, tucking your arms back into the warm blankets. "Yeah," you answered sleepily, "I've been resting very well lately." The truthfulness in your voice seemed to surprise Luke if the hum that rang in your ears was any sign.

"You are? Have you been saved by someone? Are you alright?" His voice rushed out in apprehension, the questions that'd plagued his mind swirling once more. Why wasn't he able to see you or feel you for so long? What occurred that kept you so barred from his reach?

You sighed as you turned over, stretching a bit, eyes still pleasantly closed. "Mmm, no. Still on the Chimera." Your reply was simple and fearless, entirely sincere with Luke in your half-asleep condition.

"You're still with Thrawn?" His voice was pressing now, "And you're comfortable? He's not hurting you in any way, is he?"

"No, he's been wonderful to me…good man, gave me a nice room, drawing book..'m okay."

Luke was silent for a long time and you'd almost woke up, concerned that he'd left you alone, but you were assured of his company in your mind when he spoke once more in a secure voice. "I'm going to find you and I'm going to save you. I promise. I'm not going to lose you again." Then his voice wanes away again for a moment, though it comes back more delicate than you've ever heard when he utters your name. "I…I-" But Luke stops and clears his throat, "I hope you know how meaningful you are to me…I will not give up on you."

But before you could react, you were aroused by a solid knock on your door, jolting you upright. Luke's voice felt like a distant memory as soon as you were sitting up and glancing around your room, eyes refocusing on your surroundings. Had you dreamed all of that? No. You couldn't have, you've had a connection like that with Luke before you'd been aboard the Chimera. But why hadn't you heard from him until now?

The knock at the door roused you again, so you slid out of bed to walk over and press the release button only to be met with a trooper with a plate full of food. And this time the food looked fantastic. "Oh, thanks." You responded in astonishment as he passed the tray over. He replied with a brief 'you're welcome' and began to walk away but not before you called out to him again. "Uh! Sorry, forgive me. I-I was just curious…"

"About what ma'am?" He questioned, evidently he was being patient but had someplace else to be and he wasn't a trooper you were presently familiarized with; there'd be time for that late though.

Glimpsing at your tray full of food, your cheeks burned despite yourself. "Have you possibly heard if the Grand Admiral is back from his business, or not?" The query sounded pitiful even to you, but you couldn't very well have the man who was the sole retainer of the Empire to go off and die without any warning.

That was it, no other reason.

Your cheeks were warming because the heat in the hall of the Chimera was too much. Again; no other reason.

The uncertain sound made by the soldier caused you to look at his impassive helmet. "Uh, no ma'am. The Grand Admiral hasn't returned yet. We aren't sure when he'll be back, he has work to do elsewhere and will return whenever he's concluded that." Then his helmet tipped slightly as if inspecting you and a slight chuckle crackled through his modulator. "But don't worry so much, he's surprisingly resilient. He'll come back in one piece. We serve the most brilliant and adept man in all of the Empire. If someone could prevail over anything, it'd Grand Admiral Thrawn." He clarified and with a nod then left, and you bashfully took refuge back into your room, the door closing behind you with a whoosh.

You griped bitterly to yourself, "I wasn't worried about that blue idiot…how could I be worried about him? He's an ass anyway." But the lingering apprehension in your chest said otherwise.

Another week had gone by and you'd troubled the troopers outside your door every one of those days, requesting an update about Thrawn and his whereabouts. There was no way he was going to abduct you, treat you like a captive, then regard you with interest and compliment you, shower you with gifts, and then go off and die on some random planet! You'd bring the damned Chiss man back yourself if only to give him a piece of your mind for being so rude.

Though with a continued shadow of Thrawn's expected return, you had to entertain yourself in other ways; keeping your mind busy. So, you were standing by the window, watching the stars and TIE fighters training. Thrawn had explained to you previously that they were a project he held in high esteem, something he truly believed would do the Empire well. They looked as if they were doing spectacularly too. To your eye, they handled a lot better than some of the pilots of the Republic… But you didn't have too long to dwell on that before you'd overheard out in the hallway- over the intercom- that Thrawn's personal vessel was docked and unloading its passengers.

Feeling your heart leap in your chest at the announcement and instead of waiting around to figure out why, you ran out the door; blowing past the two troopers. As you ran down the hall, passing by troopers and Chimera crew, you neglected their baffled stares and carved your way toward the docking bay. Though on your way you saw a familiar tall blue figure, it was him. Thrawn was standing at his office door about to head inside until he heard hasty footsteps bee-lining in his direction.

Fiery red eyes peeked in your direction first, before ultimately turning his head to watch you frantically trail toward him. Your heart raced as you eventually made it to him, the admiral looking down at you with a single brow lifted and the touch of a smile at the corner of his mouth. Your cheeks burned as you gazed up at him, but you blamed it on the brisk pace you'd opted for to reach Thrawn. Out of breath, your chest heaving slightly from the labored breathing, Thrawn's eyes returned to the door as it opened, "Perhaps you would like to join me in my office?" It was poised as less of an inquiry and more of an assertion as he walked into the dark corridor where you joined him. Surprisingly there were no unwelcomed remarks from the darkness as there usually had been, though your eyes still searched around for any sign of the creature.

"Rhuk is recuperating from our mission, he is not present with us, at this moment." Thrawn's cool voice expressed through the shadows and as you glanced at him to ask how he'd known what you were thinking, you caught a peek of his glowing eye over his shoulder as he observed you. "Your thoughts are easier for me to read than you may think." Though there was typically a chill to his voice, a remote remnant of detachment lingering underneath, it felt strangely… warm with that last sentence.

Once the door finally released the two of you into his office, Thrawn wasted no time in returning to his side of the desk and you approached the chair you sat at during your sessions. The annoyance instantly took over once again, "Where have you been?! It's been weeks!" You spoke without genuinely considering and the smirk that suddenly sat on his face made you mourn opening your mouth, your head sinking to cover your maddening blush.

Thrawn was quiet for a prolonged moment, creating an even more unnerving situation because you knew- you just knew- he was analyzing you as he did when he thought something was intriguing. "As I have heard it," He finally began to talk again but it wasn't making anything any more painless, the blatant smugness in his tone causing the burning in your cheeks to rush up your ears. "You were rather concerned about my unannounced absence."

"I wasn't that concerned!" You bit back quickly, lifting your head to scowl at him for his arrogance but were hushed by the raise of his brow, as if challenging you to prove him inaccurate in his observations.

"Were you not?" Thrawn queried rhetorically as he sat back in his seat, reclining far more casually than you appreciated for the circumstances. "Please, clarify for me then. Why were my troopers in rather steady communication with me, telling me about your continued inquiry of my whereabouts?" His voice was curious but mockingly so, and entirely too soft as his eyes appeared to admire you from across his desk.

You swallowed at the accusation, understanding you had no rebuttal, and instead clutched at your elbows, crossing your arms over your waist awkwardly; evading his burning gaze. "Y-You left before I could give you a piece of m-my mind-"

And his unexpectedly too affectionate voice cut you off mid-sentence, "About what, may I ask?"

You were caught off guard by his simple question, eyes coming back to meet his. The dominance he was maintaining over you at the moment wasn't one he'd used before; he wasn't trying to intimidate you, nor was he trying to exploit you. Thrawn's power came entirely from how much you had thought about him while he was away. You'd first considered how furious you were with him, how he'd treated you as if gifts would make you give up your friends, but then you began thinking about how he'd quit regarding you as a prisoner; opting to give you more freedom, and more respect. Thrawn was curious about you and consistently genuine in his queries as you spent more time with one another. Then you'd found your mind lingering on his eyes, the way his brows were the most expressionate part of him but if you observed closely enough you could see the shift of sentiment in his eyes. Thrawn was small in his mannerisms but he appeared to open himself up more to your company lately and allowed you to see past the stoic behavior.

"Have you perhaps forgotten whatever it was that you were going to chastise me over, hmm?" The soft underlying tease in his voice brought you back to your present reality and you huffed indignantly at his arrogant expression.

"Hardly." You complained as you turned your head away stubbornly. "As if I could forget why you piss me off. You seem to enjoy bugging me." Thrawn seemed to find your retort comical because he chuckled, staggering you slightly. You'd never heard him sound so…pleasant. It was hardly a lively sound, more as if he were taunting you but even still, it was the closest thing you'd heard to spirit from the Chiss man. Your eyes widened at the sound, watching intently as he shook his head and began to stand once more; neatening his admiral coat.

He rounded the desk, his hands ever positioned behind his back as his steps felt calculated, gradually coming toward you. "Then, please, continue. I am rather fascinated to hear what I've done to incur your outrage, my lady." His voice was unfairly warm, matching how his eyes bore into yours, glancing down to appreciate the rest of you only once or twice.

You were losing all of your built-up frustrations as the subject of your anger approached so calmly, tension building with each step he took toward you. The buzzing in your mind only intensified as you caught his eyes favoring you. "I-I…you…" You swallowed cautiously then cleared your throat to regain your composure, closing your eyes and breaking the rapidly building connection that made your stomach ache in an unfamiliar way. After a moment, you trusted yourself to speak finally and you leveled the approaching man with a lethal glare. "You annotated my art as if I asked for your commentaries." With every word, Thrawn took a step closer, the smile leaving his face the nearer he grew. "Then you ran off without allowing me to tell you how stupid your observation of my work even was. I didn't know if you were going to die or-"

"Would that have troubled you so greatly if I had?" Thrawn's voice was hushed and low, but cold as usual. Standing directly before now, his impressive height towered, eyes keenly observing you.

You made a vexed sound and rolled your eyes at the ludicrous question. "Don't flatter yourself, Thrawn. I just didn't want to miss my opportunity to set you straight before you died." But then you look back at him and are frozen by how close he'd gotten, inclining closer to your face.

The air around the two of you was electric as Thrawn admired your face up close; so close that his breath fanned over your lips causing a warm shutter to race up your spine. He was quiet, silently surveying you and you couldn't help catching how his eyes fell to your lips multiple times; the realization making your stomach flip. His proximity was overwhelming, drowning you in him wholly. His broad shoulders obstructed anything else from your sight, the way he leaned over you trapping you in place though nothing behind you was preventing you from running away if you wanted.

But you found that you didn't want to.

His presence was intoxicating this close.

"Allow me to speak now," Thrawn whispered, his voice sounding gentle despite how confidently he said it. His fiery eyes searched your face before he spoke again, possibly waiting to see if you would stop him from voicing his thoughts but when you didn't, he persisted. "Would it surprise you to know as I was on your mind, so were you on mine?"

The admission sends your heart into a frenzy. What does that even mean? What did he mean, you were on his mind? It felt as if he were communicating in riddles that you couldn't fully decipher and the vague meanings would be incredibly humiliating if you were to assume. So you stood there wide-eyed and lips slightly parted to steady your labored breathing, waiting for any explanation but rather you were met with a cool touch as the knuckle of Thrawn's finger brushed against your warm cheek. "This knowledge does surprise you." He stated matter-of-factly at your speechlessness, the delicate caress passing down the soft line of your jaw and allowing him to take hold of your chin, between his finger and thumb delicately. "I cannot help but find my unfamiliarity in these matters rather displeasing, as I assumed my intentions would have been made clear by this point."

"I-Intentions?" You questioned dumbly, brows upturned in surrender, "I thought you wanted to know more about the New Republic an-and Luke…that was all I was here for." The unstable whisper that left your lips signaled your uncertainty at Thrawn's next move.

Sighing narrowly, Thrawn rose to his full height once more and allowed his hand to fall away from your face; to which you let out an audible gasp at the loss of contact. "Indeed I aimed to gather details about Skywalker through you, as you appeared important to him. Though, as your tenacity and overall insolent attitude toward me continued I found myself…" He paused momentarily, contemplating his words, "Curious about you. Your boldness to defy the orders of an Imperial Grand Admiral is as brilliant as it is reckless, though, I can't help but find myself drawn by your full refusal to recognize my endeavors at rapport. I spoke to my troopers on numerous occasions to see if they could understand why it was that you were so uncompromising against my advances though seemed so agreeable with them-"

"Wait-" You interrupted him, jerking your head side to side to get your thoughts back after being so enamored with his attention. "You asked-"

"My troopers, yes." Thrawn concluded your sentence for you with a simple shrug. "Is it so unlikely that I would pursue the guidance of those in better regard with you about your preferences?"

"W-Well no…b-but-" Then it hit you; what Danvers had said before, about you being Thrawn's favorite aboard the Chimera, and your cheeks flushed once again. "So…what you're saying is…" You trailed off, expecting Thrawn to finish the sentence again for you.

Thrawn took to your hint fast and the corner of his lip quirked barely, "Perhaps I persist to fail in making myself clear." He conceded then leaned back into your space as he had earlier, stealing the breath from your lungs at the closeness.

"I-I wouldn't mind you saying it clearly so I don't make a fool of myself for guessing…" You implored quietly, lashes fluttering a few times.

Thrawn smiled now, showing the beautiful white of his teeth, contrasting against his blue skin, his red eyes narrowing delightfully as he stepped the last few inches closer to diminish the space between you. "It would see my words fail me in this moment and rather actions would be far more suitable."

And with the last delicate words of his spoken, Thrawn's chilled lips descend upon your awaiting ones in a soft display of his withheld admiration.

[trashpandacraft]

ok, @craftychahuhu, this one's for you! but also for anyone else who might find it interesting. so we were talking about drafting fibre, and how to tell if it's hard to draft, and what it looks like when it's drafting well, and i was like, well, i have fibre and a camera, i can make this everyone's problem!

so: some fibre.

from the top left and going clockwise (ish):, the blue and yellow is rambouillet, the green is lonk, the dark blue is polwarth, the circle sort of in the middle is a merino/bond cross, the sausage is a rolag that i ended up not using in this but i'll talk about a little anyhow, and the dense white guy at the bottom left is corriedale.

let's talk about these fibres! i picked them for a couple reasons, but if i'm honest, the most pressing ones were that i had easy access to them and with the exception of the lonk, they're all fibres that i'd more or less group together into the 'very fine' category. no, they're not all identical, but for our purposes here, they're close enough. the lonk is a much coarser fibre, and it's here mostly to serve as a counterpoint to the rest—beginners are often pointed towards coarser fibres, and the lonk will make clear why that's the case!

(sidebar: if you have ideas about what i should do with the lonk, please feel free; i think i have about 300g and no specific plans.)

onward! let's talk about each of these individually.

blue and yellow rambouillet: this is commercial top that i dyed. i like rambouillet! it looks pretty ok! this fibre sucks.

green lonk: again, commercial top that i dyed. looks good. is actually good.

blue polwarth: wow, again, commercial top that i dyed. shocker. i love this and it's also actually good.

merino/bond circle: this is top that i processed from raw fleece and hand combed probably five minutes before i took this photo. again, it's good.

rolag: most people on tumblr are making rolags with blending boards and/or drum carders, and those are a very different beast to ones made on hand cards! handcarded ones are fluffy little sausages. i was going to show you this drafted out like i do the others, but honestly, rolags don't really draft like that. if there's a part two of this, i'll spin one to show the difference.

corrie: back to commercially processed top. it's also good.

because i wanted to show the difference between good fibre and bad fibre, i'm not actually spinning these, though i can do that if someone wants. instead, i'm predrafting them so that you can see how good fibre vs bad fibre looks.

i have to stress that this is a little subjective, but...uh, but it's my blog and i can talk about my opinions if i want.

more seriously, i've been spinning for over twenty years, and dyeing for probably ten of them, and i have a pretty good idea of what's reasonable to expect from fibre. that said, two things. first, i rarely predraft things, so what i'm doing in these videos isn't really part of my usual workflow. second, because of the limitations of my little tripod stand and the need for my hands to be in frame, i'm doing this in a very weird direction, so it's a little jerkier and less even than it would be under normal circumstances. i think it still conveys the point, though.

spare yourself the headphones—none of these videos have sound, because my neighbours who i hate are still doing fucking construction and the soundtrack to these is just like. clunking and whirring.

let's start with the corrie, which is pretty easy to find.

it takes me a minute to get started, but once i do, see how it pulls apart mostly smoothly? (the lack of smoothness in this and several of the other videos is the weird angle that i was talking about earlier.)

look at my wrists and hands. i have ehlers-danlos syndrome, so i'm more likely to use the middle joint of my thumb to pull, but other than potentially the weird thumb position, things are pretty loose. i'm not jerking on the top, my back hand is pretty loose, and all up, things move pretty smoothly.

this is what top should do. if you're having to really yank on it, if you have to dig your fingers into it, etc, it's not great top. it might still be usable, but you definitely shouldn't be using it as a starter fibre.

ok, so let's look at the polwarth, which for the purposes of this post we'll say is indie dyed. close enough.

as before, the weird angle isn't doing us any favours, but all things considered, this drafts out pretty easily. dyed fibre is almost always at least a little harder to draft than undyed is, but it shouldn't be that much harder.

again, you can look at my hands and fingers. the hand holding most of the fibre is still fairly loose—the thumb on that hand is doing most of the actual holding. it's more work than the undyed commercial stuff, but it's not difficult by any stretch of the imagination.

i also want to point out that i'm not a professional dyer! i'm just some guy who sometimes dyes things in their kitchen. if you're buying from indie dyers, it shouldn't be much harder to draft out than this is. (if you're buying from commercial places—ashford's dyed top, for example—it should draft more or less like the commercial corrie did.)

ok so next up, let's look at the handcombed top.

this drafts out so easy! handcombed top isn't as dense or as tightly packed as commercial top, plus all the fibres are going in the same direction, so it drafts out really smoothly.

last two. i think it's time to look at...the bad fibre.

fuckin yikes, hey. the weird thing about this one is that it basically looks ok—right until you get your hands on it. look how tight the hand holding the braid is. look how i'm trying so hard to get a grip on the part that i'm pulling out that my whole thumb flattens out, hoping to get more weight on it. look how my knuckles and my fingernails turn white!

the fibre doesn't want to move, and when it does, it's usually in a big clump that moves very fast, then immediately stops moving again.

fibre shouldn't be like this. this fibre is super compacted, and also a little bit felted. imo, if you buy from a dyer and get fibre like this—not just for the first few centimetres, but all the way through—you shouldn't buy from them again. this fibre is not being buddies.

but can you make it work? i wouldn't recommend it when you're learning to spin, but yeah, you probably can. i've used about half of this braid on various junk projects.

to make this more usable, you can split the braid in two (or more) pieces, unfold it as much as possible, and fluff it out. i've wondered if this would be a good application for steaming roving, but this is the only really compacted piece i have, so i haven't tried it.

it's still probably not going to be a joy to spin, but it can be usable, if you really want it to be. if you have the interest and tools, you might have better luck reprocessing it—i've used some of that braid practicing making rolags, for example, and it's been solidly fine for that, since i'm pulling it all apart anyhow.

if you're learning, though, and your fibre's behaving like this, please put that fibre down and try something else.

finally, let's look at the lonk!

again, nice loose grip, and despite being dyed, those fibres are totally happy to pull out pretty evenly. it drafts smoothly, and it requires very little effort on my part to do so. which is, i think, the big advantage to using coarser wools as a beginner, even if you don't love the texture of them. it's a lot easier to learn the movements on something that's not actively fighting you, and once you've got the movements down, it's a lot easier to do them on something that resists a little bit more.

i'm not saying you can't (or shouldn't) learn on the ultrafine merino of your heart or whatever, but if you're new to spinning and you're finding it a struggle, it's maybe worth trying some coarser fibres and seeing if that helps.

anyhow, hopefully that's an ok overview of how to tell if your fibre is actually doing what it's meant to do or not. if you think it'd help you to have a video of any of this being drafted while spinning, let me know—it turns out it's pretty easy to throw my phone in the little tripod thing and then clip out the bits that are useful.

[growinguparo]

Hii! this is my first post here and i'm not sure about what to say, but i hope someone can help me. I'm really new to all of this, this world of aromanticism, it's like i found something that was missing. i just came to realize being aroace this year, so i'ts just a few months of knowing that i'm aromantic, but i'ts years of being aromantic and honestly, i couldn't say i'm not confused, but i really want some advice on how to.. accept myself. because, honestly, i reaally love romance movies and books, and i grew up thinking some day it would be me, but what if it isn't, what if it's not going to be me, like ever. how do i lead with that? how do accept the possibility to not fall in love like everybody else does, and meet someone to stay together for all life an get married. i know i don't want to get married, but this idea is internalized in my head, how to be happy without romance? without a partner to take care of me, to support me, to help me. maybe one day i'll wake up and realize that i've fallen in love and that i'm not going to be single forever and that i can be just like people expect me to be. but what if i don't? what if that day won't come and i'll be "Loveless". i really loved that book Loveless and i't just felt like maybe it wasn't that bad to be like this, i also watched Koisenu Futari and honestly, i never felt so part of something, like i've found the REAL happiness for me, not that one that people always talk about, saying that is the only happiness, to date, get married and have kids. i know most people feel fulfilled with this, but what if i don't? i'm not everybody else, i don't need to live based on people's expectations. if anyone reading this, feel something similar, please(if you like) share your experiences :) thank you for your attention

tbh my first impression here is that you've already figured out what i think is the most important part: the fact that what will (most likely) make you happy is different than what seems to make everyone else happy. and you being happy is the goal. you've figured out that you don't want that traditional romantic relationship, and that that's okay. that's awesome!

i also love that you were able to see yourself positively within Loveless and Koisenu Futari in a way that felt authentic to you. representation helps us imagine what our life could be like. if you can't see yourself in a traditional marriage, what can you see yourself doing? you could live a life like in Koisenu Futari. allow yourself to imagine a life you would be happy and authentic in. try to be free with it, not shooting down ideas because they're "unrealistic". (btw - this might be hard. there are nearly infinite varieties of romantic relationships that are spoonfed to us from birth. coming up with your own ideas is harder than being spoonfed, so don't get discouraged.)

if you haven't already i'd suggest reading about relationship anarchy. it's basically the idea that no one type of relationship is superior to another, and within your relationships you can do whatever you want forever, tailoring them to your needs and wants.

besides that, i think acceptance takes time. you're altering your view of yourself and your future and your place in the world. you've had your whole life to get used to one reality, one self-image, and now you're changing that. it takes time to get used to.

there are also some very real material concerns that come along with being aro. to name a few: navigating the world as a single person is harder legally and financially. western society is built on individualism and we are trained to only seek emotional support from a life partner, even though that is a blatantly unstable way of living even for allos. that can result in single people struggling to find continued support throughout their lives.

accepting being aro doesn't mean the hard parts go away, and ignoring them will not help. it's like accepting being gay - there are real material concerns that come along with being gay, but you can still love being yourself and love being gay. and you can fight to make the world a better place for people like you, if you want to.

followers, any advice?

[straycalamities]

alright i been meaning to do this so:

what is and is not allowed to be done with any of my characters! this includes art, fics, edits, headcanons, whathaveyou

[general content/trigger warning for uncomfortable, possibly-triggering topics because this is mainly the gist of what i dont want to see]

x = never ? = ask for permission

do nots: x - no noncon (if you engage to work through your feelings, never make my characters the perpetrators, it skeeves me out) ? - no genderbends/sexswaps/whatever they're called anymore? idk just don't mess with their gender, pronouns*, or assigned-sex-at-birth as a general thing unless i already have or okayed you directly. triple-especially if they're not cis x - respect their romantic orientations/sexualities! if you don't know a character's then you can ask me, but yeah. ie: don't ship andrew with women, he's homosexual x - [NSFW] absolutely no ageplay kinks or anything like that with my characters. no raceplay. just..nothing like that. x - no pregnancy. no mpreg. no omegaverse. none of it. (i've come a long way from it being straight-up a trigger but still, yea,) i have had some of my characters naturally be pregnant/have babies but i'd rather handle it myself, if you know what i mean x - this is a duh, but nothing hateful/bigoted using my characters. like, for instance, i do joke abt shit and say mainverse!entre is a conservative but don't unironically use him for anything awful like that. joking/memeing around about his terrible political stances is fine though x - i would never write or have my characters telling anyone to "kill yourself" so please don't have them say stuff like that. even if it's a joke. it makes me uncomfortable. (there may be a few exceptions in my giant roster of ocs but as a general rule just avoid it) x - never use my ocs likenesses or art of them as art for your own ocs. that's never okay. my ocs designs are for my own characters only.

*it's okay to have neopronoun headcanons

okay! generally anything i havent said isn't okay IS okay, but just so anyone reading this has a clearer idea

it's okay to use my characters for expressing yourself, venting, or just personal stuff like that. if my characters help you through something, go ahead and express it. i'm happy they help :)

playing around with gender presentation (not gender) is perfectly okay with any of my characters

shipping in general is fine as long as it doesnt go against the don'ts list. i dont care who you ship them with

[NSFW] i'm okay with pretty much any other kinks other than anything that goes into noncon, bigotry, or underage so go wild even if it's not my thing personally i don't care. (ie: the swagtre piss fic? lol im not a watersports guy but chase your bliss)

my characters are all free game for anything horror themed as well. horror as a genre, body horror, psychological horror, whatever. go for it. i have a personal major squick for eye gore but i can handle (and enjoy) pretty much anything else in this realm. go as gorey or not as you like (just tag appropriately for other ppls sakes)

handling self-harm/suicide idealization themes is technically? okay? for my characters? just uh...be respectful i guess. and definitely tag appropriately. this theme is canon for a few of them so i am okay with it just handle it with care is what i'm saying

go ham-buck-wild with mental illness headcanons or projections or anything like that. i dont think i have an oc that doesn't have at least something, so if you see yourself in their symptoms, go for it. only some of them i have personal labels for some of their stuff but otherwise it's whatever. just be respectful, again.

kinning is also okay! kin, synpath anything like that. go ahead! go wild with it. i think it's neat. just be respectful.

and an important note to all of this, other than being respectful to others and the characters themselves, is to respect me. just because it's okay that you do it with my character, doesn't mean i have to agree with it or make it canon or anything like that. it just means i gave you permission to engage like that. so please don't come to me trying to ask or force me to change something about my own characters or get so lost in your headcanons you start to disrespect what i've established myself

and if you ever have any questions about them or any of this, just let me know. i'm always happy to help

also yet again DONT REPOST MY NSFW ART ARGHHHH!!!

[bellaxgiornata]

Do you have any tips for people who really enjoy writing fanfiction but struggle to actually get themselves to write it? Like I love writing specific scenarios in my head (mainly because that’s what I really want to read but no one else has written that yet) but I struggle to actually just get the motivation to do it, so my ideas just stay in my brain as a “I want to write this” and then the interest dies off and it never gets written.

I completely understand this feeling so much. Before I started writing in the Daredevil fandom I often just daydreamed in-depth scenarios in my head. I usually wanted to write them into stories but then I just...never did it. Even though I have been writing different fanfics in different fandoms for a really long time, I more often than not just created up scenarios that lived in my head and then that was it because I never wrote them down. So nothing ever came of them and I was never able to share them with anyone. I could have written so many more things if I'd just sat down and tried.

(As always, I'm long winded so more below the cut 😅)

In all honesty when this happens, I think the best thing to do is just that. Just sit down in front of a blank document and free write whatever comes to you. Take the pressure off of yourself first and foremost, though--you don't have to share whatever comes out with anyone. Don't tell yourself that it has to be good, either. Have literally zero expectations for whatever ends up on the page. More often than not, that really helps the words start to flow. When you sit there and nitpick how you're starting a sentence or a scene or a word choice, that's when you start second guessing everything and that can often lead to thoughts like "I can't do this" or "no one will read this" or the classic "I suck at this" (which I still hear in my head some days). Ignore all that bullshit and just focus on whatever it is that's in your head--a conversation between some characters, maybe an entire scene you've had playing out in your mind, a fight scene, or whatever it is that you're currently excited about. Just sit down and try to get it out with no expectations. Because you can absolutely always come back to it and edit it up how you want after the fact and make it into a story or a one shot or whatever if you want, but the hardest part is just getting something out on a page.

But truthfully, the only way to write something is to make yourself sit down and do it. I don't know of any other tips to give besides that. Sure, you can make a playlist or a mood board for the vibe of a story or a character. You can make outlines of what you're seeing in your head that'll give you bullet points of what you picture happening. But really you just have to get excited enough about whatever it is that's on your mind and write it. And I think that's part of the beauty of writing fanfic when you do share it and people interact with it. The commentary and interaction from readers is what helps keep the excitement for a story alive for the writer, which then gives us that necessary motivation to keep coming back to work on a story. Because any writer will tell you that sitting down and getting the words out is hard. Some days it sucks and you have to slog through it to keep going, but that's just a part of the process. Over time it becomes a habit, though.

Hopefully any of that somewhat helped, but unfortunately there isn't some magic answer to make it easier to get started. Having other writers to talk to about your ideas really helps, too. Or just someone to talk with/at about whatever is on your mind. Breaking an entire fic idea into chunks chapter by chapter helps if you're making a big story, but just picking a starting point and writing it is your best bet. I actually first wrote the entirety of Marci and Fog's wedding for FFTD and then worked my way backwards afterwards to start that huge ass series. It all started with those two installments and the idea/scene in my head that I didn't get to until "The Breaking Point" far later. So you can absolutely just start with an idea and expand on it. But unfortunately, you kind of just have to force yourself to start somewhere 😅

[bigalockwood]

Hey hey Lia 💜,

I only just realised that you were doing the fanfic asks, so I am a little late, but I am wondering about 8,17, 18, 27, 29 and 37 ( I know these are a lot of numbers, so feel free to just answer the ones you want to)

Wishing you a so wenig stressig wie möglich weekend!

Sophia thanks for sending so many!! I love talking about writing 💜💜💜

8) Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

This took me ages to decide. I'm actually not even proud of it because I think it is necessarily particularly well written, but because it's a topic I have very strong feelings about and it felt so validating when I saw how many people resonated with it!

“No, you misunderstand, they didn’t out me. They just asked me about my sexuality and, you know, it was necessary. It’s the sort of thing they’d have to ask me for damage control.”

“Wille, I get that your life can be sort of strange at times and that it often follows different rules and all that, but that is, by definition, still what it means to be outed. I’m glad it didn’t feel like another violation of your privacy to you, but they still shouldn’t have done that,” Simon said, vehemently.

[...] “I’m sorry. I wished people stopped acting like they have any right to know our sexualities. [....]

17) Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Depends on the story! Royally Whipped I'm mostly writing in order since I don't have much time to write the chapters, so I'll only write down ideas for future scenes. For my new WIP I've written parts of different chapters already. In the chapters themselves I jump around and hardly every write one in chronological order.

18) Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

No. I have a very, very rough outline, but it mostly only has specific scenes or emotional stages I want to write towards. I never keep to any outlines and overthrow them within minutes after making them, so I no longer bother with them lmao.

27) How do you feel about collaborations?

I did one ages ago, when I was still in school. It was a lot of fun and I'd definitely be open for it again, but it certainly takes up more time and you need someone you can trust in.

29) If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Honestly? The answer is none, just because I don't think I could do any of my favorite stories justice. Not because I think my writing is bad, but because I love them as much because of the special something they have thanks to the author who's written them. Wouldn't say no to a sequel or prequel written by them though asfdhsfdkja

37) Talk about your current wips.

I've briefly talked about my next projects here. But my BIG WIP's right now are Royally Whipped which is very close to being done (probably two more chapters) and then #Simon's revenge.

Some people have been asking for a social media chapter for RW, which is extremely flattering, and I love reading those, but don't even know how to begin putting one together. So, that might happen, if I ever get my shit together (or someone else volunteers to do it ahsjfdasj).

Simon's renevge is a AU where Wille isn't Prince (still rich tho) and meets Simon under... interesting circumstances. Simon is seeking revenge on someone else and poor Wille becomes emotional collateral damage. It'll be less fluffy than RW, though hopefully just as fun. It's very gremlin!simon (channelling all his dodgeball energy). I have a moodboard that I might post soon and maybe some snippets leading up to it's release, if anyone's interested.

[marmorafarms]

The Phone Call pt 2

Sebastian x Cis female reader

Hey everyone, and welcome to the second part of my three part Sebastian x Reader fic! The last installment will be coming soon! You can find the first part here!

Summary: Sebastian has been acting strange with you on the phone lately. When you figure out he's been jacking off while talking to you, you decide to take matters into your own hands.

18+ ONLY

Word count: 2,085 words

Warnings/content: Weed use, masturbation, mutual masturbation, phone sex, cis female reader

You liked to think you were an observant person. That nothing could slip by you. And you especially liked to believe that was true when it came to Sebastian. He had quickly become one of your best friends, and you knew him inside and out. Which was why it was such a shock when you learned his secret.

Three phone calls. It had taken three phone calls after your late night call about Clint to realize what was happening.

Each time you called, it had accidentally lined up with him posting a picture of him smoking a joint on his private snap chat or Instagram story. The picture was never about him smoking, the joint was just there. And when you called, the conversation was always…off.

Sebastian was never great on the phone, but after every call, you couldn't help but wonder what was going on. It wasn't that he was high. You knew what he was like when smoking, and it wasn't this.

He was typically giggly, relaxed, and if you were with him, cuddly. But recently he'd been having trouble focusing, and stringing together a coherent sentence was a challenge for him. Not to mention how out of breath he sounded, and how he always would drop his phone and hang up right after.

Something was up.

You wanted to call Sebastian tonight, even though you knew he was exhausted from his latest project. You kept meaning to ask him how much the gaming computer you had kind of asked him to build you would cost.

Sebastian had mentioned he knew how to build gaming computers, and you had said you would love to have one. Now that you were sure you really wanted one, you needed to see how far it would set you back.

You dialed his number, and to your great surprise, he answered on the first ring.

"Hey," he said, sounding a bit dazed. He was definitely high.

"Hey yourself," you said. "I had a quick question for you. Are you good to chat?"

"Oh uh…y-yeah I'm good," he said, sounding a bit nervous. Your eyes narrowed, but you chose to ignore it.

"So, remember how we were talking about how you can build computers? And how I want a gaming one? I was wondering how much it would cost if I asked you to build one for me."

"You uh…you want one? And want to pay for it?" he asked.

"Of course!" You said, flabbergasted. "I can't let you do that for free!"

"You're my friend," he said. "I won't charge you."

"I want to pay you," you insisted. "I'd feel like human trash if I had you build a whole ass computer for free."

"Your money isn't good here," he said firmly.

"Well, if I can't pay with money, how else can I pay?" You asked. And to your great surprise, he whined.

And not just any whine. This was a sound you recognized. Not from him, but from others. A whine you had only ever heard used in the bedroom while teasing your partner.

Was he turned on?

The idea that he was getting hot under the collar at the idea of you paying in "some other way" was shocking. Mostly because that idea seemed like something straight out of a low budget porno, and not something anyone would seriously suggest.

You were shaken out of this train of thought by the unmistakable click sound of a cap being opened. The sound wouldn't have grabbed your attention if it hadn't been immediately followed by the sound of fabric rustling.

Wait.

Wait hold the fuck up.

Was that a lube cap you heard? Was he pulling down his pants? You shook the idea from your mind as he responded, but honestly you had no idea what he had just said. Mentally chastising yourself, you tried to get your thoughts out of the gutter. Jumping to the immediate conclusion that Sebastian was about to get off while talking to you over the phone was a stupid idea. But oddly, you found yourself wishing it was true.

Abigail had approached you about a month ago, and bluntly asked if you had a crush on Sebastian. You hated saying you had a crush, it felt so grade school. But you admitted that you did. Abigail had nodded slowly, and told you that if you hurt him, she would curb stomp you at the bus station and have zero regrets. Knowing Abigail, she was dead serious, so you promised that if Sebastian ever returned your feelings, you would treat him right.

But there had never been anything to suggest that he thought of you as anything but a friend. At least not until right this very second, assuming you were correct about what was going on. You knew that you would be up all night wondering what that click and rustling had been about, so you needed to get to the bottom of this.

The obvious way to go about it would be to just ask what the noises had been. But that would leave him room to lie, and you couldn't have that. You would be left wondering if he had been honest, and you didn't want to spend your night obsessing over that either.

No, you would have to be crafty. A small plan was forming in the back of your mind, a plan that could land you in a lot of trouble if you weren't careful about it. But what was life without a little risk, right?

"Sorry, I zoned out for a second. What did you say?" you asked.

"Oh um, just that you could help my mom in the shop or something." Sebastian said. His voice was pretty steady, but you felt that there was still potential for you to be correct about the situation.

"Hmm…the shop?" you asked, sounding pensive. "I've never been good at customer service. But I could help with building stuff or chopping wood. I enjoy getting…physical."

The pause you left before saying "physical" was truly cringe worthy in your opinion. But the slight hitch in Sebastian's breath told you that your sentence had hit as intended.

"I wouldn't want you to do more work…" Sebastian said slowly.

"Oh it's no trouble," you said casually. "Getting hot and sweaty doesn't bother me. A tank top and shorts would keep me plenty cool while working."

You could hear Sebastian breathing, but he didn't respond, so you continued speaking.

"I could even bring a whole change of clothes," you said. "After a hard day of work I have to change everything. You know, I should probably change into my pj's now. Get into something comfortable."

This was a total lie. You had changed into your pj's an hour ago. But Sebastian didn't need to know that.

"D-do you need me to…hang up?" Sebastian breathed, and you grinned. He sounded like he was in the middle of a heavy workout.

"No, no, don't worry," you said. "I'll put you on speaker. God, it's so hot in my cabin, I really need to get an A/C installed. I think it might be better just to sleep in my underwear," you said, heart pounding. You hoped this line would land, and not have Sebastian telling you off for saying too much.

"You…what?" Sebastian said. The boy wasn't being slick, you could hear him panting. He must be way higher than you thought. Time to up the ante.

"I was thinking about just wearing my bra and panties to bed. No shirt or pants." You were trying to sound calm and casual, as though you two talked like this all the time. You hoped it was working.

"Well uh…if…if you want to…" he said, valiantly trying to keep it together.

"I do want to," you said. "I think I'll strip now." You paused a few beats before speaking again, pretending you had actually taken your clothes off.

"Much better," you said. "You're lucky to be in the basement, it must be cool down there. You could probably wear as much or as little as you want."

Sebastian wasn't talking now. You were almost positive he was reaching his peak. Time to see if this was actually the case.

"I mean, you're probably not wearing much right now. Maybe your hoodie, but your jeans and boxers are on the floor, aren't they?"

"Excuse me?" Sebastian said, panic in his voice. He had been caught, and you knew he was going to try and wiggle his way out of this one.

"The way you're breathing is giving you away kitten," you said, tossing in a pet name to see what would happen. A slight choking sound on the other end led you to believe it had done something for him.

"Whatever you think is happening is…it's not. It's not happening, I–"

"You don't have to lie, Sebby," you said softly. "I know you're touching yourself while we talk. I just want you to know….I don't mind."

There was a pause.

"You don't?" Sebastian said, sounding very nervous. "You don't…it's not weird?"

"Oh it's definitely weird," you said with a chuckle, "Especially since I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time this has happened. But it's hot. I like it."

"I'm sorry," Sebastian blurted out, and you laughed.

"Don't be! I just said I liked it. And I was kind of hoping you could keep going. Maybe let me hear any sounds you've been muffling."

"What? Why?" Sebastian said, panic back in his voice.

"Because it's hot! So hot that I think I'll join in on the fun if that's okay," you said, lowering your voice slightly.

A full on moan escaped Sebastian's lips, and you could feel the heat pooling in between your legs.

"Sound good to you?" you asked in a breathy tone.

"Mmhmm," Sebastian mumbled.

You quickly kicked off your shorts and ran your fingers over your clothed pussy. You let out a pleased sound.

"My panties are soaked Seb," you said. "So wet just from thinking about you stroking your perfect cock."

There was a small whine from the other end, but nothing else. You guessed you would have to carry this conversation, but that was fine.

"Better take these off," you said, sliding your panties down your thighs and kicking them to the side. You wet your fingers with some of your slick and began rubbing your clit.

"Fuck…Sebastian it feels so good," you said, closing your eyes. "Wish it was your hand on me. Wish your fingers were rubbing me, going inside me…"

"Holy shit…" Sebastian gasped.

"Mmm maybe I should grab my dildo and use that," you panted. "I'd pretend it was your cock in me. God Seb, you'd fill me up so good…"

"Fuck I wish I was there," Sebastian moaned out.

"How would you fuck me if you were here?" you asked, rubbing your clit a bit faster. "Tell me Sebastian, how would you take me?"

"On top," Sebastian said. "Wanna see your tits bounce…wanna see your face when you cum."

"Oh baby yes, I wanna ride you so bad. Have you sit back and let me do all the work. I want it bareback Seb, I wanna really feel you. Want you to cum in me. You want that?"

"Fuck yes I want–oh shit I'm…I'm close…" Sebastian said, breath ragged.

"Me too, Sebby, me too," you panted. "I wanna hear you cum, please let me hear you cum!" You begged.

"'Kay," Sebastian mumbled. A few moments later you heard him swear, a long drawn out moan following behind.

You were in disbelief that you had just heard Sebastian cum. The sound was enough to push you over the edge, and you heard him swear again as you cried out his name.

For a few moments the only sound was the two of you panting as you came down from your highs. You sighed happily, and Sebastian hummed in response.

"That was…damn," Sebastian said.

"Yeah," you agreed.

"We should do that again," he said, and you chuckled.

"Yeah, but I want it to be in person next time."

"Doing anything tomorrow night?" Sebastian asked tentatively.

"Yes," you said. "This hot guy named Sebastian is coming over to rail me. I'm pretty excited."

Sebastian laughed lightly. "I'll be over at 8, yeah?"

"Sounds perfect."

The two of you hang up, and you set your phone to the side. You can't believe that just happened, but fuck are you glad it did.

[cleverthylacine]

Okay. Wow. (also feel free to circulate this post to people even if they don't like me)

I didn't want to make a post like this but things have gone too far. I am still not mentioning names. If you know you know, if you don't know, ignore this post and be happy that you don't know.

Yesterday I went on a blitz of blocking people I was told had been sharing my private DMs and talking shit about me behind my back with an artist who is freaked out that I told them I wouldn't take down a reblog, and then explained that they are popular with RavWave shippers, and that I didn't know who they were until other shippers sent me their stuff, because their art does look shippy to us.

It seems that a lot of the people who are really mad about this (and you're welcome to share this one post of mine with those people, though I do not appreciate that their friends have been stalking my blog in general) think that I was trying to ARGUE with that person.

Much as their motivation in drawing the art was not to depict my OTP, my motivation in telling them that they accidentally did was not to argue with them about how they should view the relationship. It was information about why people get what is apparently the wrong idea about their art.

If I were writing or drawing something that was being misinterpreted all over creation, I would want to know why.

Then I would be armed with the knowledge to decide whether or not I wanted to do things differently in the future.

"I don't care what those people think" is a valid decision. So is "hmm, maybe she has a point." Whichever decision I made, I'd want to make it as an informed decision.

I feel a little sorry about this giant misunderstanding, but I'm absolutely disinclined to apologise because:

Their first message to me was insulting. Many people believe that it was a "polite request". But polite words can be used in a thoroughly rude and nasty way. There is no nice way to tell someone that you think they're so nasty you don't want your public posts appearing on their blog.

Saying no to requests is a thing that people are allowed to do.

Their second message to me, which evaded my block because it was sent to another account, was blatantly offensive and went into the quality of my family and relationships. I didn't respond to that because I'd have gone off.

They have their friends stalking my blog and have admitted to doing so, and have responded to venting on my part by vagueblogging in my own blogs by telling everyone that they're the person I am annoyed with and here are the receipts. Seriously, wtf?

I only know this because I'm trying to block all the assholes who are reposting my personal conversations with them, a thing i only know because a friend of mine told me so after receiving a demand they unfriend me.

This person and their friends are sending anon asks to my friends, or in one case, publicly demanding in an RP community, that people who want to interact with them unfollow me, because they will not interact with anyone who interacts with me. Go the fuck back to high school, Regina.

Don't put icing and sprinkles on a pile of shit and tell yourself you gave someone a chocolate cake. This person has never been "nice" to me.

Under the cut: why IDW Ravage would never allow herself to be handled like a pet cat, and why RavWave shippers feel the same way about the Earthspark deleted scenes, even though we know that's probably not what the showrunners meant us to think.

I have come to the conclusion that's it's just another case of antis thinking that if you can see two people in a non-platonic relationship that they think of as family, you're just nasty. Especially if the feline shaped character is being handled like a pet cat.

But the person who said "I look disrespectfully on anyone who ships this, that's just a goof and his cat" has missed the entire point of these characters' relationship. Soundwave would never treat or handle Ravage like she was a pet cat.

Anyone else who says RavWave shippers are nasty because "it's NoRMaL to handle your cat that way" is fundamentally not getting who Ravage is and how she feels about being touched.

Ravage is a sapient adult mech with a full range of sapient adult feelings, and touching her like she's an animal is a microaggression or a macroaggression, depending upon where and how you touch her. The oppression of beastformers is a big fucking thing in IDW 2005. Other beastformers also complain about constantly having to deal with unwanted and disrespectful touching. (Fortress Maximus is a known offender.)

IDW Ravage is sleeping in Megatron's bed throughout MTMTE (when she's under it, she's guarding him). She only allows him to touch her neck in front of others...because behaving like a pet cat increases the chances that people will treat her like one.

(She almost cut Nautica several times. That's another character I ship her with, because what would be funnier than her realising that this actually is a whole ass person and if she can't stop touching her, she might actually be attracted to her?)

(Note: Canonically, Ravage in IDW uses he/him, and I do know that. However, about half the fandom writes Ravage as female. I'm in that half.)

BTW, I feel exactly the same way about the Earthspark deleted scenes. Every RavWave shipper on the planet does. We've talked about it. We realise that the artists and showrunners probably intended it to be innocent on the grounds that she is a cat. But we are also people who like to write her as an adult Decepticon officer with agency and self-respect who wouldn't behave like that in front of other people unless they knew he has privileges they don't.

I am aware that half the fandom draws Ravage art that's basically cat memes. (I hate that so much. But as a proshipper, I recognise people have the right to depict characters any way they want. That doesn't mean I haven't had to vent to people like @bitegore and @miner16 to keep myself from saying something.)

Also, I strongly suggest that people who get this worked up about misinterpretations of their art or writing do not become professional creators. As a member of fandom since the 1970s, I'm kind of super extremely aware that most of what fandom does is counter to what the creator intended, and frequently that's the point.

I'm also kind of super extremely aware that if you don't have loads of people reinterpreting and remixing your work and your characters, that actually means nobody cares about your work enough to have blorbo feels about your characters.

(The side poll, which came from another blog and mentioned no names, was an irritated attempt to find out whether people really do think it's normal to cuddle your mom that way, because the second message insinuated that my mother and I must have a terrible relationship because we don't touch each other like that. I kinda wanted to know what people who were not predisposed to take my side and did not know what was going on would think of that idea, because I really do not think most people touch their mothers like that; their mothers aren't nonsapient animals and would thus consider it weird and inappropriate.)

[lulu2992]

I've been doing an introspective RP with a friend and I've become very attached to Deputy Hudson. It feels like the game doesn't actually give us much info about her, since you have to dig through files and triggering her dialogue naturally is somewhat difficult.

Said friend recalls hearing a piece of dialogue somewhere suggesting or flat-out stating that John didn't actually "do much" to torture her. That she was even allowed to walk the halls of the gate and that her fear/isolation were what took the biggest toll. That John did torture her violently at least once, (the audio of which was turned into a sermon that you can hear at outposts), but other than that he mostly stuck to threats.

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on this? If you've heard the files or had any ideas about the methods of torture used. Just trying to paint a picture, since she and Staci deserve more justice than what they got.

We indeed don’t know a lot about Joey Hudson… Apparently, she and Pratt were originally supposed to be Guns for Hire, which probably explains why they have more combat lines than they need. However, I don’t remember anyone in the game saying that she was (relatively) well-treated or free in John’s Gate.

While she’s in the bunker, the Resistance and civilians are worried and hope she will be rescued soon. They say that she’s tough, but they think it’s not necessarily a good thing because “John loves a challenge”. As for cultists, one comments that Hudson is one of John’s “special projects” and another that he spends a lot of time with her. I suppose it’s because she was stubborn and therefore hard to break, so she required more “work”, but also because, as the Junior Deputy’s partner, she was bait. If they didn’t want to come for him, John hoped they’d at least want to come for her.

I believe she did receive “special treatment”, in a way, but that mostly included being broadcasted across the entire valley either looking in danger or screaming in pain so her colleague would want to save her. John often threatened to hurt her in retaliation, but in the end, I don’t know if she was tortured significantly more than the other captives. That’s clearly what he wanted the Deputy to believe, though.

I looked through oasisstrings and found what Hudson says about her time in John’s Gate:

That hell hole of a bunker -- I was trapped in it but my mind was somewhere else. I sorta just went through the motions, gliding along… Like you would in a nightmare. It never ended. I can't remember all of it… Just flashes… I begged people for help, but they just… smiled. I've never been around that many Peggies in one place, and every single one of them just smiling.

When you escaped the bunker… John didn't say it… but you could see it in his face. Failure. Things got worse from there… Like he was trying to make up for something. Prove to his brother he could… I never thought I'd make it out of there.

This is all surreal to me – being alive I mean. When I was in that bunker, all I could think about was the ways I would die. Think about who I was leaving behind. How every moment in my life came together and drove me to this point – this… end… You prepare yourself to die, because everything is telling you you're about to… But I'm not, and I just feel… numb.

She doesn’t talk about being able to walk freely in the bunker, so I’m not sure she (or any other hostage, for that matter) was allowed to do it. In comparison, it seems Pratt had more freedom, in the sense that he could walk around a bit in St. Francis and wasn’t always in a cage. That said, his mind, like the Marshal’s, wasn’t free at all…

As for what exactly John does to people, it’s unclear because the game doesn’t really give details, and neither do the people who had to Confess or say “yes” to him. What’s certain is that they still seem affected by what happened, ashamed of what he managed to make them say (even Jerome), and that most of them don’t want to talk about it.

In the Confession room, there’s a blowtorch…

…but how (or if) it was used, we don’t know. And it appears his toolbox only contains a screwdriver, a tattoo gun, and a stapler.

According to Sharky, John “knows all these pressure points and can make you feel pain beyond anything you ever imagined”. Another NPC, who Confessed, says he “messes with your head, asks you questions, makes you say shit you don’t wanna be saying”, but then refuses to elaborate. John knows how to hurt people physically, but it seems he doesn’t always need to do it. Sometimes, as we saw when he made Nick say “yes”, a few well-chosen words are just as effective, if not more.

Narratively speaking, I think it was a good idea not to tell us what John does or says to make people comply so easily. That, plus the fact that those who Confessed are too uncomfortable to talk about their experience, makes him an impactful villain. Players can only guess what his methods are and, given the circumstances, tend to imagine the worst. How exactly he tortures people, physically or psychologically, is a mystery, and that makes him look more threatening.

[hindahoney]

Do you have any tips for eating kosher food when it's not easily available to you? It's slightly easier cause I don't eat meat but its very hard and I'd like help

To anyone who wants to eat kosher, my most important advice is to start slow. It's a process. If you cut out everything at once you will get overwhelmed and quit.

My first advice is to only eat things with a hechsher on it. Because you don't eat meat, it's already significantly easier for you. The problem is finding dairy with a hechsher, especially cheese. A lot of cheeses are made with rennet, which is a part of the animal we are forbidden to eat. This is why a lot of cheese chips and snacks aren't kosher, even if they seem like they should be (doritos were SO hard to let go of for me, and I'll never forgive Sunchips for removing their hechsher). A lot of foods also have non kosher dyes that were made with insect shells, the same with sodas. Additionally, checking produce for any bugs is always a good idea!!! Even produce in grocery chains are likely to contain little bugs. I promise once you start checking, you'll see them. So many products are full of chemicals that were created with non-kosher ingredients or in non-kosher facilities, so the best way to ensure you're not accidentally consuming them is to just eat hechsher products.

For people who do eat meat, however, you can still eat most fish because it's considered pareve. Chicken used to be in this category, though this was changed over time by rabbis who noticed that people began thinking of chicken as meat. The argument proposed is that the Torah says "Thou shall not boil a kid in its mother's milk," and since chickens don't produce milk, this prohibition does not apply. Rabbis would say that the spirit of the law means it does. It is up to you whether you want to agree with the rabbis about this. For me, when I first started keeping kosher, I would allow myself to eat chicken, before I slowly removed it from my diet to abide by the rabbinical ruling. I also think the spirit of the law should apply to eating eggs and chicken (though eggs are pareve) together, if we are prohibiting eating an animal with its potential child. But I'm not aware of any rabbis who have said this (but jews talk about everything so they're probably out there.)

Eating meat or cheese plant-based hechshered substitutes are also acceptable, depending on your movement. For me personally, I will eat hechshered meat substitutes, and this satiates my cravings for meat until I can get kosher meat. Gardein is a good brand, and so is Morning Star, and I'm sure other countries have their own brands. The argument against eating meat substitutes was that the appearance of an observant jew eating what looks to be a cheeseburger could cause other observant Jews to believe the laws around kashrut have changed, leading them to break kosher. This law made more sense back then, but now I'm not so convinced, but that's up to you to decide. Eventually, I see myself no longer eating meat substitutes once I live in an area with a kosher market, but for now this has to do.

Work your way up to waiting between meat and milk. The time varies, I've heard anything from one to eight hours.

Make sure to crack your eggs in a separate clear container to check for blood. It's not common, but it happens.

Eating vegan or vegetarian while you're out is a decent compromise in the beginning until you feel ready to let go of restaurants.

Lastly, have a little non-kosher food send off. Before you start your journey, eat your favorite non kosher food and then say goodbye to it forever, at least until you can find a way to make it kosher. Eating kosher is hard. But it's a reminder of the covenant between yourself and HaShem. When you eat kosher foods, the belief is that whatever animal was used in the making has now served a higher purpose.

If anyone else has tips on how to start keeping kosher, or ways that help you, feel free to share!

[yandere-sins]

Hey!! Hope you're doing great & thanks for participating in a interactive game!! It's always fun to hear about the whole BTS from any creatives. Here are the selected asks for the writing game: 4 ၊ 5 ၊ 21 ၊ 22 ၊ 24

[Writer asks here]

Thank you so much fo asking, it means a lot! It's always fun to talk about writing as whole ♥

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

#4 Where does the magic happen? (Tell us about your writing space. Is it a desk? A table? A beach chair with your toes in the sand?)

Usually I write on my desk in my living room, it's pretty crowded and doesn't have much free space but it's mine and I like it that way. It's 'my chaos' so to say, so it's most comfortable :D

I usually write there but I will change to a more comfortable spot like the couch if I've been sitting on my chair for too long (since I also have an office job throughout the day), and in the summer I like to sit outside on the terrace with headphones so I can still be unbothered while enjoying the fresh air and warmth.

#5 Do you share your writing with anyone, or do you keep it to yourself? 

Unfortunately, I have no real life friends I could share my writing with. Most are uncomfortable with yandere stuff and I hardly write anything else these days. I do have a lot of online friends that would be okay with me sharing it, but if they like yandere, they follow this blog and see it once it's posted anyway, so I don't bother spamming them. But of course I get to share it with all of you guys, so that's sharing too :D

#21 How do you build a character from scratch? 

Usually it starts with one specific emotion or problem that this character should have. (Like for Rhys it was the "wanting to be loved by everyone") and then from there I go through typical proceedures like writing down some strengths and weaknesses, traits I want to implement, skills, I think about their behavior and then I do the looks and name. I also consider what will be happening in the story and how it'll affect their future and what changes in them. I like it when my characters write themselves and suddenly pick up quirks while I'm writing, and I try to be open-minded and discard features that don't serve them if I realize it isn't workable into the story anymore. That much flexibility is a must. Setting everything in stone really blocks me a lot, so while it seems like a lot of thinking I reduce the final notes one each character to the bare minimum. It worked so far, but it can be scary to give the characters too much power over themselves, too. :') Balance is everything, I think.

#22 What is your process for world building? What does the world of your current project look like? 

I really like nature inspired things, so that is my main focus when world building. World building is not my favorite part of writing, but I usually have a good idea of what the place my scene is taking place in looks like... in my head. I prefer to concentrate on smaller areas of land and I suit them to my needs. Oftentimes it's more ancient buildings and vibes since I prefer historical over futuristic projects.

In a project quite unrelated to this blog (but also the only project I have done world building completely on my own), the world is inspired by Canada. To be fair, since I don't really like world building, I followed a guide and I picked a spot on google maps with lots of trees and a city far enough away to still be reachable but not be a prominent setting in the story. And Canada because... well, I'd like to go there sometimes and it fits the description? :'D

Anyway, the story takes place in a luxurious cabin in the woods most of the time, surrounded by nothing but trees and birds chirping. It's supposed to symbol comfort and home, but also the fear of the unknown, the beauty of the outside world and the reconnecting with ones roots. A wooden cabin in the woods is just that for me.

Next project, I think I'll pick Scottland as a reference. Just a feeling though!

#24 Where do you get your best ideas?

Okay that will sound crazy—the woods. I think most ideas have sprung from walks around the local forests, back then still with my dog, so there are less of them now. I am a scaredy cat but somehow ideas just keep sprouting while I wander, probably because daydreaming is much easier in the calmness of a forest. I have pages full of notes and text messages, hundreds of words with ideas for stories and books. I hope to get to them someday.

The other most important inspiration is music. It has always and will always accompany me through my life ever since I was a child as my family is very musical and I spent a lot of time daydreaming to songs and will take inspirations from my breaks from reality. It doesn't work as much for art unfortunately. Sometimes, looking at a picture will give me an idea but it's a rather unreliable source of inspiration for me. But yeah. Firm believer of consuming art being the best way to create art.

[nagito-kissmaeda]

Learning that you seem to be used to receive unnecessary hate really sadden me because you're such a sweet and talented person 💜

I wish people could cease to bring down people just because they feel safe behind a screen... They're free to ignore or block you if your ideas make them feel uncomfortable but that's not a reason to hurt you... You did nothing wrong 💜 I wish this message filled with genuine love and feelings can brighten, even a little bit, your day 💜 Being angry or upset doesn't suit our dear Bree 💜 This blog is your comfort place and you bring us such joy and comfort too 💜 Whenever I feel sad or stressed, I'd read your stories or kind advices, you're so funny and lovely 💜 I'm glad I could finally get to thank you for enlighting my days 💜

Never forget that your feelings come first and people can just talk, whatever they want 💜 Who cares about brats ? We don't need their permission to sink together in this ocean of depravity and enjoy~ 💜

Please take great care of you until the day I will gather the courage to speak to you directly 💜

This was so incredibly kind of you, thank you so much. I do try very hard to just ignore people being silly in my inbox, but I was having a rough day yesterday so I wanted to complain a little. I always try to be the sort of person who accepts all opinions and fandom interpretations, and I pride myself on having never sent any sort of hate mail, or even left rude comments on a piece of content just because their interpretation doesn't match mine. that just isn't my vibe. I am fun and silly and the last thing I want to do is make someone else upset. That's why it can be so hard when I get asks calling me admittedly terrible things just because I think komaeda is bi lol. Because I would never in my life send something like that to someone else. If your headcanons aren't harming anyone, I genuinely don't care, I will just scroll on past. I dunno, this just seems to be a sore spot for some people, and I try very hard to stay in my little bubble of Komaeda Kontent enjoyers so those who don't want to see my stuff don't have to, but I really don't have 100% control over that. I'm really glad that you find comfort in my blog and that you like my writing, people like you are the reason I feel comfortable to keep going even though my inbox is sometimes full of nasty stuff that needs deleting. So thank you again for your incredibly kind words. I'm not planning on going anywhere or changing what I do! I'm just going to keep deleting those asks and keep on writing! And please don't be afraid of talking to me! I'm a massive loser, you have nothing to worry about. and if you ARE someone who doesn't like my content. please just block me. that's literally what the block button is for. Curate your own experiences and enjoy yourself online, don't get angry for no reason, it's not worth it.

[hismentor]

very normal about w//ukong and m//acaque dynamics with my feelings about the special under the cut.

ACTUALLY, THE ARGUMENT WITH SWK UNDER THE MOUNTAIN IS GONNAA LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT-FREE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

and actually -- the blindness between the swk and macaque. swk believing he always wanted to do for the both of them. perhaps, along the way, maybe swk got a little caught up and unintentionally put macaque to this side which probably led the other to think that swk left him behind...

but swk constantly reassured that he was doing all of this was to protect the BOTH of them. and wukong always made sure that macaque was always involved.

" you're really going through with this ? " " correction: WE'RE really going through with this ! "

" you and me ! all of us ! " ( notices macaque isn't standing with him )

" welcome back your majesty. " " don't be like that.

" soak up the sun ! that's why i've been training so hard. " " what ? so you can be the strongest ? " " what ? no ! well, maybe a little bit, but that's not the point ! it's so you don't have to worry about anyone or anything ever again ! "

swk does it all to protect his Brothers. he was doing this all to protect macaque, the one he cares for the most. perhaps that did require being the strongest -- but the point was that wanted to make sure that, no matter what, he wanted those that were the most important to him and didn't have to worry about the danger. but in doing so, he became the danger without even realizing it.

and realizing that if there was a chance of losing them also meant there was a chance they could lose him. i believe that it was a reason why he was afraid of death. if he died, who would protect his friends ? who would protect macaque ? would anything he does be enough ? he didn't realize that he was using macaque as an excuse to seek more power and more ways to grant immortality. he became so blind that he didn't even realize that this isn't what macaque wanted. with macaque being against the idea of fighting the jade emporer. with macaque refusing to eat the stone fruit. macaque was just content being on wukong's side, that wukong mistook that for weakness.

wukong kept that thought of the other being weaker to himself until their argument under the mountain. where he thinks it's unfair that he was to be kept there while macaque got to roam free despite it being the consequence of his own actions. it wasn't fair because, despite wukong constantly helping macaque, macaque didn't help him. though, of course, wukong decided to go on to fight the emperor on his own, despite macaque's advice not to. it was at that moment that wukong realized that if the other was strong enough... helped him, then maybe he wouldn't have wound up alone. maybe he could have won or maybe macaque would have been locked up with thim. but it wasn't macaque's fault. it was his own. still didn't stop him from blaming him, though.

" you know i'd help if i could " " oh sure 'cause, normally, you'd just RUSH to my rescue ! "

this was, most likely, the first time that wukong had acknowledged that macaque was weak compared to him. macaque had his own self image problems, but wukong was always there to ensure that he was just as important... that was macaque's breaking point with wukong. the straw that broke the camel's back.

" run off like you always do ! "

betrayal doesn't come from your enemies. it had to be then that macaque realized that wukong didn't know how selfish his actions were. wukong's actions might have been the catalyst, but acknowledging those words really hurt when it came from someone who you thought cared for you.

" you're the one who wouldn't quit while WE were ahead ! some GREAT SAGE, always dragging everyone else into his mess ! " " you're not IN this mess ! you're still free ! everything i did was for US ! " " YOU DID IT FOR YOURSELF ! "

you can't help but feel bad for macaque. he was lied to by azure. both of their viewpoints that were drastically different from each other. not that wukong was in the right, because, in the end, his actions really wound up being for his own needs. protecting macaque for himself. his brothers in arms as another way to seek immortality. after all, before everything, he was seeking power and something Greater than heaven.

but macaque only saw him as selfish because of being lied to by azure. it led to him betraying wukong's trust and then abandoning him at the mountain. tricked him into thinking that wukong never cared about anyone other than himself.

wukong may have lost everything, but it was the loss of macaque that really shocked him the most. everyone else leaving ? that was fine. it was supposed to him him and macaque anyway. but macaque was free and then wukong pushed him away. he was left with nothing.

[violentlyexplosive]

💣 A violently explosive pinned post 💣

Never done this before, but I figured I'd make a pinned post like everyone else now that I'm trying to actively use tumblr more ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My name is Rowan, and I mostly reblog and lurk. My posts typically consist of whatever nonsense I'm currently fixated on and whatever random shit I find funny/interesting. I write sometimes, vent occasionally, draw a bit, etcetera etcetera.

Art tag = explosive arts

As far as identities go, I mostly call myself a transmasculine he/they/it lesbian and occasional man-lover. Boydyke. Girlfag. You know the deal. Aroace in the losest of terms.

I'm a physically disabled and perpetually sleepy autistic with some autoimmune issues. I post about this on occasion.

Asks and anons are always open, though I have no idea what anyone could possibly want to send me there. Feel free to shoot me a message, infodump, or whatever you like, if I seem like the type of person you'd want to talk to.

I'm Swedish/Norwegian/Chinese. I speak Swedish, English, and basic Spanish. I can read/understand Norwegian. Raised in Ireland. Vill göra mer svenska vänner, så messa mig gärna, så länge du inte är en fitta, tack o snälla 🙏🏻

Don't have much of a "DNI" because I'm an ADULT and have better things to care about. "Proship" and "Anti" and all that whack shit doesn't mean anything to me, all I ask is that you keep any disrespect you may have to yourself <3

The only links I have worth sharing is the one to my Ao3, which you can find here:

(Please for the love of all that is holy: if you know me irl, click this link at your own risk, and don't think of me differently. I am but a man.)

The one to my TikTok, where I make silly little edits when the mood strikes:

And my pronouns page <3

And das about it. Hasta la pasta.