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butterflyinthewell · 4 years

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Important online safety message to minors.

I’m almost 40. I’ve seen some scary stuff online.

It’s a sad world that someone has to tell you to be more situationally aware of creeps, but I hope this advice helps you be safer online.

🗣

You don’t have to specify your age, but make sure it’s clearly known that you are a minor if an adult engages you online.

If it makes you more comfortable, you can put something on your profile like “I am a minor, 18+ please do not interact.” Add it to your posts too if you have room (it depends on the site). One unfortunate part of Web 2.0 social media is not everyone checks a profile before they retweet / reblog / share someone’s stuff.

If an adult keeps engaging with your stuff and you don’t want them to, it’s okay to block them.

Stay away from spaces adults have marked as nsfw, off-limits to minors or unsafe for minors. Chances are there is material in those spaces that you may not be ready for, or it will shock, offend, frighten, disgust and/or trigger you.

Some adults will pretend to be minors, and unfortunately I don’t know what kind of “tells” give away that they’re lying about their age, but I’m sure someone who knows more about that can reblog this and add that info.

Now, here’s what to do if a creepy adult starts creeping.

If their profile states they’re a MAP or NOMAP, block instantly. MAP / NOMAP means Minor Attracted Person / Non-Offending Minor Attracted Person. These people are pedophiles. Some of them identify themselves with the acronym PEAR or the pear emoji. 🍐 Be wary if you see this in someone’s profile info.

PEAR stands for Pro-Expression Anti-Repression. That’s something you apply to fiction, NOT reality. Fiction can be turned off, flicked off a screen, a book closed or otherwise disengaged from the moment someone doesn’t like it. Real life doesn’t work that way, and don’t trust anyone who claims it does.

It doesn’t matter if a MAP / NOMAP claims they’re getting “help” for their pedophilia or not, they should not be engaging you in any capacity.

If you engage them and discover they’re a MAP, disengage and block.

If an adult sends you anything that is sexually explicit, no matter the form, be it art, fanwork, videos, audio, roleplays, etc, screenshot it for evidence, block that person and tell someone you can trust.

Even nudity that is not sexual (this includes furry art with exposed genitals) should be treated as suspicious if an adult knows you’re a minor and still sends it to you despite being told you’re uncomfortable with it. They might be trying to desensitize you to the sight of nudity so they can show you more and more explicit stuff. Do as above; screenshot, block and report to someone you trust.

+ Part of the grooming process is the adult tries to reach you somewhere private, like DM’s or a messenger app and desensitize you to stimuli you would normally reject by exposing you little by little to it. Think of it as a twisted form of exposure therapy for phobias, but you don’t want this exposure. They want you to get curious and will up the ”intensity” of the explicit material.

The media itself existing is not the problem (unless the adult using it on you made it), the real problem is adult using it specifically to desensitize you into thinking that kind of stuff is okay in the real world. If an adult engages you, shows you media with questionable material in it and tries to tell you “see, it’s okay because it’s being done here” screenshot it, tell them fiction is not the real world and break off contact.

Most creeps stay hidden, so their blog may not contain a trace of anything weird, but when they engage you they send you all kinds of creepy adult stuff. An adult who is engaging you to groom you will use pretty much anything to try to make you think it’s normal and okay for them to do that to you. Remember always that it’s not. Remember the line between fiction and reality.

No adult should be sending a minor any pictures of naked people (or naked furry art with visible genitals) of any age no matter how innocent it seems!!!

If an adult sends you pictures or videos of themselves in their underwear, naked, showing their genitals or showing themselves doing sexually explicit stuff, screenshot the evidence, block them and report it to someone you trust.

If an adult asks you about sex toys or sends you info about them, that is really suspicious. Screencap, block and report to someone you trust.

If an adult asks you questions about your body, like what your hair ‘down there’ looks like, or how you’re developing, or if they ask if you touch your private parts, screenshot the evidence, block the adult and tell someone you trust.

If an adult asks you questions like “do you know what a (something sexual here) is?” or any questions that are sexually explicit or makes you uncomfortable, screenshot that crap, block them and tell someone you trust.

If you’re a creator and an adult tries to commission materials with nudity or sexually explicit stuff, refuse and tell them you’re a minor. If they persist, take screenshots, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult sends you violent or gory stuff and you don’t like it, demand that they stop and block them if they don’t. Screenshot anything they say if they keep doing it, and tell someone you trust.

If an adult demands you get on camera for them, do not do it. Screenshot the evidence, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult is threatening to reveal secrets you told them unless you do what they say(ie “send me a closeup of your private parts, or I’ll email all our chatlogs and your old naked photos to your whole school”). DON’T DO IT!! Screenshot the evidence, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult threatens to hurt themselves if you stop talking to them, stop talking to them anyway. This is especially true if they actually harm themselves and show you pictures or videos of it. That is a classic abuse tactic and it’s not your fault if they hurt themselves. Block them.

If an adult you blocked makes more accounts to keep contacting you, or starts showing up on other sites you visit trying to contact you, screenshot all the evidence and tell someone you trust.

If an adult (or anyone)tries to smear your name because you wouldn’t obey them, use any evidence you have against them in your defense and tell someone you trust about the situation.

If you run a blog talking about your abuse or experiences and an adult engages you to ask uncomfortable probing questions about the details of your trauma / abuse, be very suspicious and block them.

If an adult talks to you like you’re their special friend, or if they say you’re their very special friend, be very suspicious.

Acting like a sole source of kindness is one way an adult can groom a minor. They want you to feel like they are the only source of good that you can trust because they want you to gravitate more and more to them.

If you tell an adult you don’t like it when they swear while talking to you privately and they stop, but gradually start to do it again, be wary! An occasional oopsie slip or typo is one thing, but slipping in swear words when they know it makes you uncomfortable is suspicious. They may be testing your boundaries.

If an adult tries to set up an in person meeting, refuse it and talk to someone you trust about it.

If an adult (or anyone) tries to tell you that you should only trust them and nobody else, expects you to behave a certain way to be accepted, or if they act as if you’ve wronged them for trusting people other than them, that is a huge abuse warning sign. They are not safe to be around and you should break contact immediately.

If an adult compliments you in ways that makes you uncomfortable, break contact. A grown adult should not be telling a minor “you’re sexy” or “you’re hot.”

If an adult makes frequent comments about how mature and grown up they think you are, be suspicious.

If an adult learns you’re trans / non-binary and asks questions about your private parts or whether you plan to get surgery, be suspicious.

If an adult asks if you’re alone at home, say no even if you are.

If an adult asks if they can come visit you, say no.

If an adult asks for your phone number, don’t give it to them, no matter how nice or tempting they may be.

If an adult is making you uncomfortable in any way, it’s okay to block them and disengage.

Do not approach an adult with nsfw stuff you made. If they run across it in public on your blog that’s one thing. Sharing it with them in private can get both of you into trouble. Don’t do it.

🗣

Note: if you, a minor, did any of the above because you didn’t know better at the time, know that you are not a bad person. No adult should take advantage of your youth or innocence to hurt you.

🗣

To adults out there:

Do not approach minors with anything sexually explicit!!! This should not need to be said.

If you send something and find out they’re a minor after the fact, apologize and don’t do it again. If you think it’s proper to avoid any more private contact, do that. If you think breaking all contact period is proper, do that.

Make sure minors know you are over 18, whether it’s somewhere on your profile or tacked onto your posts. Something like “over 18, minors DNI” is helpful. I personally have my year of birth (1980) on my profile because that’s easier than changing a number every year.

You can’t prevent minors who fake their age to see naughty stuff from engaging with your stuff, but you can make it clear that you will not engage them back. And do not engage them. In fact, if you’re worried about that, block them when you discover them.

Private conversations with minors is okay, but make sure you tell them you’re not comfortable talking about something if they mention something sexually explicit. Even if it’s fandom related stuff, keep the conversation away from anything more than talking about characters dating or kissing or whatever.

If something you ship has an underage character, do not talk about it in private with a minor, not even if the character is aged up to adulthood.

Got nsfw stuff on your blog? Tag it that way.

I use “n s f w post” for stuff I want to show up in other related tags, “nsfw post” for reblogs, and “nudity” for nonsexual nudity like mermaids with bare chests or artistic nudes. Those tags are specifically for minors to blacklist or mute. (I don’t usually reblog nsfw artwork, but sometimes I post nsfw fanfics, create nsfw text posts or reblog nsfw text posts / fanfic. If I feel it’s nsfw, I tag it such even if most people don’t think it’s nsfw.)

If it’s fanfiction, I make sure the rating is listed and that it’s nsfw, and I try to warn for triggers as best I can.

If your blog or website features a lot of adult or violent content, mark it 18+ and tell minors to not interact.

If a minor approaches you and tells you a harmless secret, fine, keep it secret. You, the adult, should never approach a minor and tell them you will keep their secrets.

If a minor is expressing a desire to harm themselves or someone else, don’t keep that secret. Tell them to talk to someone they trust irl or put them in contact with a hotline or website where they can get help. Be supportive in talking them down from immediate harm, but do not become their therapist. (It’s tempting, you see a kid in trouble and want to help, but always be careful!)

If a minor tells you they’re being abused by an adult in their life, put them in contact a website or phone number where they can seek help. Be supportive and listen, but don’t become their therapist.

If you run a role play blog, state explicitly that you will not engage in nsfw rps with minors.

If you’re roleplaying with a minor and the story takes a nsfw turn, tell the minor you will not role play a sex scene with them no matter how much they want to. Either fade it to black with a time skip or bail out of the rp.

I say this because I forgot the age of someone I was rping with on AIM a long long loooong time ago and it got explicit, and they got in trouble with their parents for it. Their parents contacted me on AIM without their teen’s knowledge and reamed me out so hard I was scared for weeks. They were right to do so! I told them they were right, apologized profusely and swore to never rp with or speak to their teen on AIM ever again, and they agreed to those terms. I kept that promise. Any contact with that former rp partner was done in public, such as via deviantart comments or LiveJournal comments. It was a major learning experience for me and it stuck because this happened almost 20 years ago.

As an autistic adult I feel more like a kid with all kinds of adult knowledge and privileges (ie can gamble, drink, visit adult places) that most kids don’t have. I relate more to people who are younger than me, but that doesn’t give me the right to assume their level of knowledge or lived experience is equal to mine.

What I’m trying to say is always be aware of the age of the person you’re rping or speaking with!

Do not commission sexually explicit or violent stuff from creators who are minors.

Do not engage with a minor who sends you sexually explicit stuff. Tell them that’s inappropriate or you’re not comfortable with getting that from them.

It’s okay to agree with a minor that an adult celebrity or character they have a crush on is attractive or whatever, but if the celebrity / character is a minor or the minor talks about wanting to have sex with that character / celebrity, tell them that’s not an appropriate topic of conversation because of your ages.

This also applies to them sharing fanworks with you depicting explicit nsfw stuff. Deflect them and tell them it’s not appropriate due to your ages.

Do not ask minor for personal info like their school, phone number or address.

Don’t do any video chats with a minor unless they’re family or it’s a group thing like a Zoom event.

‼️ TAG YOUR STUFF APPOPRIATELY!! YES, EVEN STUFF YOU RESHARE!!

‼️ USE APPROPRIATE WARNINGS!! YES, EVEN STUFF YOU RESHARE!!

#online safety #grooming #abuse #safety #predatory behavior #antis #anti antis #pro shipping #purity culture #fanpol #online grooming #online predators #internet safety #internet grooming #web 2.0 #psa #signal boost #important #MAPS and minors should not interact because its too risky

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thecreepiestcarrie · 4 years

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#JusticeforJohnnyDepp: Johnny’s witness statements at a glance (Stephen Deuters, Malcolm Connolly & Trinity Esparza)

Things I Cover in this Post:

May 2014: incident on the plane

March 2015: the finger injury incident in Australia

May 2016: the phone throwing incident, leading to the application for the TRO

AH’s behaviour following her applying for the Temp Restraining Order against Johnny

Elon Musk’s involvement with AH

The witness statements I am featuring highlights from are from Stephen Deuters- personal assistant to Johnny from 2004-2017, working currently as the European president of Johnny’s production company (his texts were included in The Sun’s opening statement, there have been inconsistencies in his story but he claims the messages were altered), Malcolm Connolly- security guard of Johnny since 2004 and Trinity Esparza- owner of the Eastern, works as front desk supervisor since 2014.

I’m gonna go in chronological order of these events, which begins with Stephen Deuters statements.

The Sun have cast some doubt over how trustworthy Stephen’s accounts can be, citing text messages, which Stephen says were doctored. Here we see that Stephen was using Scum’s language back to her to placate her because she was probably unresponsive and unwilling to converse with anyone until they presented themselves as at least a little on her side, I’m assuming. Was it manipulative of him to use the word ‘kick’ in order to gain a different reaction out of Scum? A bit, sure. But from the audio recordings we can see that she is insistent when she thinks she’s making a point, we can even hear how her use of language/the way she refers to certain incidents does not match up with the recollections of others present at the time. I think an important part of Stephen’s statement here is that the authenticity can be proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt. The chairs in the plane were fixed to the ground - facts are facts. What plane doesn’t have furniture fixed to the floor? What kind of crazy health and safety hazard is that?

This is something I wanted to expand upon. Victims of domestic violence can/will hide their injuries in order to protect their abuser and so, one could argue that Scum never disclosed any of her injuries to Stephen because she was either protecting Johnny or she was feeling the shame of being a victim of this violence. Nope. No sale, I’m not buying that. In the first screenshot, we see Stephen talking about how Scum insisted upon he and Jerry (the only two present aside from she and Johnny) that Johnny had kicked her. Continued to insist and, like I said before, she will repeat herself until she gets the response she wants (or gets distracted by something else). She was so quick to yell out to Stephen and Jerry to be her witnesses and Stephen even presented himself to agree with her. Even back in 2014, she was trying to plant the seeds of Johnny being an abuser and she was sharing this to members of his staff. Stephen was still Johnny’s assistant when the divorce/tro happened, so what happened between 2014 to 2016 to make her stop going to him with this false narrative? Was it that she thought this ‘kick’ (it was a tap on her butt from Johnny’s foot, my gf and I do shit like that to each other all the time, calm down Brenda) was strong enough evidence to convince them of her point of view, and everything else after that she didn’t have them bear witness to? (because none of it happened).

Okay now we’re going to move to March 2015 and Australia, namely the incident of Johnny’s finger getting sliced down to the bone, as recounted by Malcolm Connolly

Malcolm had seen Scum throw objects before, interesting coz Scum (and her party) has accused Johnny of throwing things all about all of the time. She’s again projecting her own behaviour onto him because she’s the perfect abuser. Also, wow, how dare you hurt his perfect fucking face? And then tell him that you love him? She is disgusting.

They immediately came up with a way to cover for Scum because it would create extremely bad publicity for her. Or could it be that, as a man, Johnny was afraid to come forward as a victim of violence because no one would believe him because that’s exactly what’s happening right now. Fake feminists will spout shit like ‘men can’t be abused’ and will blindly believe Scum purely because she’s a woman. The idea of a man being abused is not a part of the accepted mainstream perspective and Johnny was undoubtedly shamed into silence, like so many other victims (regardless of gender) are. It’s an antiquated view that isn’t based in any facts and it’s keeping other male victims silent to protect this idea of men being always strong and to be anything else is pathetic.

Let’s jump ahead to when the shit really hit the fan - March 2016, this is when the allegations began to leak and Johnny was finally cutting himself free of Scum. The following are highlights from the statement of Trinity Esparza.

Hello to Miss Trinity who is an impartial witness, I think this is definitely worth taking note of. Especially when you compare it to who The Sun relied on for their witness statements- 8 people, including Scum herself, who all have a personal connection to her. People who are clearly her friends and have an emotional connection to this case. Trinity is the kind of witness we have been waiting for.

Okay, so the phone throwing incident, which led to the fantastical, moving bruise on Scum’s face, occurred on May 21st of 2016. We’ve all seen it by now because she walked around with it on display for sympathy/pity when she was going to court to apply for that temp restraining order (which was denied, never forget that fact). One would assume that it was visible to the press that day because there was no makeup was on her face. So how come the bruise wasn’t visible closeup four days after the injury supposedly occurred?

Here we have the magical, fantastical, moving bruise - welcome her to the stage, six days after the impact allegedly occurred. This is six days after Rocky took those closeup photos of the injury (the photos they took immediately after Johnny’s alleged ‘temper tantrum’ that left a path of destruction through the apartment... which four separate cops failed to find any trace of).

And here we have some more irrefutable evidence, video surveillance that is time/date stamped. I would like to note that Trinity points out Johnny left the night of the 21st and did not return, so Scum’s bruise only beginning to appear to Trinity on the 27th isn’t due to Johnny returning to abuse her some more. He was entirely gone.

Rocketman returns, clearly Scum was in some kind of relationship with him before Johnny left (emotional affairs are just as real/damaging as a sexual affair).

Wow. Read this paragraph and really think about what kind of twisted fuck Scum is. She has friends at People magazine, a direct line to the press so that she can control how the story comes out.

More of the Rocketman, just enjoying his time in the penthouse owned by Johnny, the penthouse he was forced to flee after continued abuse from his lying wife. It clearly was something she/they were trying to hide because he was only dropping by late at night when Johnny was away. Please note that Scum and Mollusc were publicly dating each other in 2016, online articles place their relationship as ‘beginning’ (I would say beginning to be public would be a more truthful way of putting it) in May of 2016. The exact same month when she began publicly accusing Johnny of abuse. So that’s a nice bit of overlapping there... and by nice, I mean gross and making no fucking sense.

I am really grateful for all of the reblogs and interaction, let’s keep fighting for the truth.

#justice for johnny depp #Johnny Depp #johnny depp is innocent #johnny depp is a survivor #Amber Heard #get amber heard fired #amber heard is scum #amber heard is an abuser #johnny depp vs the sun #johnny depp vs dan wootton #i read through the court documents so you don't have to

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nightqueendany · 6 years

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Call Backs, Parallels, and Interpreting Scenes

(While this post is largely in part to discount J0nsa scenes, it also goes in depth into the meaning of scenes as well - also this is super fucking long)

1) The Infamous Forehead Kiss

“I should have told you about him. About the Knights of the Vale. I’m sorry.” “We need to trust each other. We can’t fight a war amongst ourselves. We have so many enemies now.” “Jon, a raven came from the Citadel. A white raven. Winter is here.” “Father always promised, didn’t he?”

“Look at me. You’re a Stark of Winterfell. You know our words.” “Winter is coming.” “You were born in the long summer. You’ve never known anything else. But now winter is truly coming. And in the winter, we must protect ourselves. Look after one another. Sansa is your sister.” “I don’t hate her. Not really.” “I don’t want to frighten you. But I won’t lie to you either. We’ve come to a dangerous place. We can’t fight a war amongst ourselves. Alright?”

There are definitely many echoes in the conversation between Jon and Sansa that call back to the scene between Ned and Arya from S1.

Ned warns Arya that they have come to a dangerous place (King’s Landing). Jon warns Sansa that they have many new enemies (including Cersei, in King’s Landing).

Ned tells Arya they need to protect each other, look after one another. Jon tells Sansa they need to trust each other.

Ned tells Arya they can’t fight a war amongst themselves...and of course, Jon repeats this to Sansa verbatim.

And lastly, Ned warns/reminds Arya that their words Winter is Coming isn’t just a saying, but that it will actually happen. And it’s important that especially during Winter, the Starks band together. The last part of the Jon and Sansa scene, Sansa tells Jon of the raven from the Citadel declaring Winter has finally come.

Bonus: Ned kisses Arya’s forehead. Jon kisses Sansa’s forehead.

AND as if the Ned Stark feels weren’t enough in the 6x10 scene with the call backs to S1, Jon smiles at Sansa’s words, thinking of Ned. Father always promised, didn’t he?

Throughout the series, the Starks have been scattered and slowly killed off. But S6 is about reconciling that and bringing the Starks back to the place they started, home to Winterfell. It’s now Winter, the last two remaining Stark children (that they know of) are home. Ned would want them to stay close, have each other’s backs, and trust each other. Though he’s not in the season, Ned’s memory is all over the place. Jon swinging the sword himself hanging the mutineers who killed him. Jon telling Sansa Ned’s ghost would come back and murder him if he didn’t watch over her - “look after one another.” Jon changing his hair to the style of Ned’s, Sansa making him a cloak like Ned’s. Eddard Stark’s memory is everywhere throughout S6.

In the battlements scene, we’re most definitely meant to think back to Ned Stark and I think the purpose of this is pretty obvious: family. The importance Starks place on family, protecting family, and the fact that Jon and Sansa are *seemingly* the last of their family and that they have to stick together.

2) The King In The North

In a direct parallel and callback to the Season 1 scene, Jon is named King in the North in 6x10.

In the Robb scene, three vassal lords - Galbart Glover, Theon Greyjoy, and GreatJon Umber - proclaim him the King in the North with the rest of those in attendance following suit. In the Jon scene, also three vassal lords - Lyanna Mormont, Wyman Manderly, and Robett Glover - proclaim him their King with the rest of hall following suit.

Just as Rob stands and looks back towards his mother, Jon stands and looks down at Sansa.

Background information is also similar in these two scenes: Robb is named King after Ned was killed in the previous episode. Jon is named King after Rickon was killed in the previous episode.

When Jon is named KITN, instead of Ned’s memory haunting the scene, it’s Robb’s. Manderly says Jon Snow avenged the Red Wedding - the event which brought Robb down. Just as three lords proclaimed Robb King, three lords proclaimed Jon King. Jon and Robb are even dressed very similarly with their leather armor, gorgets, and typical fur cloaks.

However, there’s something interesting that distinguish the two scenes:

Whereas Robb is named King before he accomplishes his goal of getting Ned back and getting revenge on the Lannisters, Jon is named King after having accomplished his goal in taking back Winterfell.

In the two scenes at the top of this post with Jon/Sansa and Ned/Arya, Jon obviously was evoking Ned and Sansa evoked Arya, but in the KITN scenes, rolls are changed. Jon evokes Robb whereas Sansa is a stand-in for Catelyn because, as we saw in the scene right before Jon is named King, Jon’s real mother Lyanna, is long passed.

In both KITN scenes, Catelyn/Sansa are wary and apprehensive but for much different reasons. Catelyn has just lost her husband to the Lannisters and now her son is going up against them. Catelyn is afraid for Robb.

Sansa, however, has just been passed up as Ned Stark’s only remaining trueborn child to be the ruling monarch of the North in favor of her bastard brother Jon Snow, which is what she think’s about when she looks to Baelish during that scene - Remember earlier, Baelish told her she was the last best chance to lead the North against the coming storm. “Who should the North rally behind? A motherless bastard born in the south? Or the trueborn daughter of Ned and Catelyn Stark born here at Winterfell?”

As Lyanna Mormont is speaking about knowing no King but the King in the North whose name is Stark we can see Sansa’s expression change drastically:

The first shot happens as Lyanna says whose name is Stark and the second shot happens as Lyanna adds I don’t care if he’s a bastard...when Sansa realizes it’s Jon who will be named King and not her.

Also notice the way this is shot. As Lyanna Mormont is talking, we almost never see Jon’s face. The camera is either on Sansa or Lyanna, meaning Sansa’s reaction is what we’re meant to be paying attention to. Jon is out of focus. The focus is on Sansa and her disappointment/hurt.

(I almost feel like Sansa is looking around in this gif thinking these bitches for naming Jon King and not her as Queen.)

But think about it. She is Ned Stark’s last trueborn child that they know of and she is passed up in favor of her bastard brother. It is an insult to her and instead of taking her side as he did when they argued over who would take the Lord’s chamber, Jon accepts his new position as King.

This is almost exactly the opposite of what happens during the Kingsmoot on Pyke. When the Lords of the Iron Islands wanted to name Theon King because he was Balon’s last trueborn son, Theon informs them that Yara is their rightful queen. Jon does not do this despite his book counterpart always insisting to Stannis that Winterfell belongs to his sister Sansa.

Sansa only smiles once Jon looks down at her and then when they break eye contact, her smile falls again.

Though the KITN scene in S6 is an obvious callback to the Robb scene in S1, it also sets us up for conflict that Jon and Sansa will have in S7 (and that Sansa will have with Arya, after Jon leaves).

3) The Hand Grab

In 6x04, Jon and Sansa are reunited - the first time either of them has been around immediate family since Season 1 - and after some small talk about food and ale, lamenting leaving Winterfell, and Jon conveniently telling Sansa he will watch over her lest Ned’s ghost come back and murder him, they get into an argument about taking back Winterfell from the Boltons. The first argument ends with Sansa essentially giving Jon an ultimatum: help me get Winterfell back, or I put myself at risk and do it alone. (Which again, as noted, Jon has already sworn to protect her, so even though he doesn’t agree to help Sansa get Winterfell back, she would basically be forcing him to fight for her in order to keep her safe).

The next scene the two are in together in 6x04 is when Jon receives the letter from Ramsay stating he has Rickon prisoner and that he will march North and kill all the wildlings Jon let through the wall if he doesn’t hand Sansa over to him. When Jon is on the fence about what to do, talking numbers with Tormund, debating the truth in Ramsay’s words that he really has Rickon, Sansa grabs Jon’s hand and implores him fight so they can save both Winterfell and Rickon. Sansa is trying to pull Jon to her side so she pulls his hand across the table toward her.

(And for anyone wondering, it in fact, isn’t Sansa that’s the reason Jon agrees to go up against Ramsay, it’s Rickon, according to the commentary on this episode by D&D on Inside the Episode)

In the 7x06 scene, the atmosphere is incredibly different from the one with Jon and Sansa. Instead of sitting at a table full of people, Jon and Dany are alone in his cabin on the ship, they’re not sitting across from each other but right next to each other - Dany is even, as you can see above, sitting on Jon’s bed. It’s much more intimate and private.

Also note, that while with both scenes, there are closeups of the hands (Jon/Sansa and Jon/Dany), there’s more individual shots of Jon and Dany’s hands. They’re first shown when Jon reaches for Dany to comfort her about Viserion dying and apologizing, next when Dany reaches for Jon after he calls her my Queen, when Jon tugs Dany’s hand back when she tries to pull away, and lastly when Jon let’s go of Dany’s hand and she tells him to get some rest and leaves (so 4 different shots total, J&D holding hands 2 different times).

The circumstances that lead to Jon and Daenerys holding hands is very different from Jon and Sansa as well. Whereas Sansa grabs Jon’s hand in an effort to convince him of something, Jon grabs Dany’s hand as a way to offer comfort and express his condolences for her loss. And when Dany reaches for Jon’s hand, it’s after she has pledged to fight for him and after he has named her his Queen.

With the Jon/Sansa scene, Sansa wants something from Jon and is able to use the knowledge of Rickon being held captive in order to get it: Jon agreeing to battle Ramsay for Winterfell. But with the Jon/Dany scene, both of them offer up what they have to each other willingly and freely without being asked for it again, without needing convincing, without there being an ulterior motive. They do it because they want to, not because they have to.

4) Dimly Lit Disagreements

Like the two Hand Grab scenes above, the Jon/Sansa dimly lit disagreement is incredibly different than the one between Jon and Dany.

Jon and Sansa have their argument in a military encampment the night before the Battle of the Bastards. Jon has just been speaking with his advisors - Davos and Tormund - while Sansa quietly listened in the background. After he’s advised to get some rest so he can be sharp the next day, Sansa stays behind and points out to Jon that he never once asked for her advice though she is the one who knows Ramsay best out of all Jon’s advisors.

Though she knows her brother is going into battle the very next day and despite Davos’ advice that Jon get some rest, Sansa pesters Jon about seeking her input - while at the same time refusing to tell him about the Knights of the Vale the night before the battle. She wants Jon to trust in her more than he does his other advisors but she refuses to do the one thing that will gain his trust - tell him that more help is coming (and for anyone saying well Sansa didn’t know for sure if Baelish would come with the Knights of the Vale - yes she did. Baelish told her he would do anything in his power for her in their meeting in Mole’s Town. She knew he would come) - (Also an interesting side note, Dan Weiss says in the 6x05 commentary that if Sansa really trust in Jon, she tell him about Baelish, the Knights of the Vale, etc. And in her not telling her brother those things, she’s not “acting 100% as a Stark”...just thought that was interesting - she doesn’t withhold the Baelish information because she’s afraid Jon won’t like the situation, she withholds the information because she’s not acting as a Stark, doesn’t trust her brother who died because of how damn honorable he is - which she knows - and Baelish still has a hold on her, an influence over her).

Along with berating him about not consulting with her and for attacking when they don’t have enough men (though again, she knows they will), Sansa also lands the biggest blow to Jon that she possibly could - she tells him there is no hope of them ever saving Rickon.

I don’t care what anyone says about Sansa’s motives for why she says this, I don’t care about people saying her telling Jon this somehow absolves her of using Rickon’s safety as an excuse to get Jon to go to war. Her telling Jon they will never get Rickon back before he goes into battle, the night when he should be getting a good night’s sleep and not worrying excessively about things he cannot change, is the most tactless thing I think Sansa has ever done.

In the 6x04 Inside the Episode Dan Weiss specifically says that the only reason Jon finally decides to help Sansa take back Winterfell is because of Rickon. So for his one reason to go to war being crushed the night before he goes to war - one can only imagine what Jon feels at that point. Sansa essentially tells him yeah Rickon’s already dead and then she lets him know that if he fails, she’ll kill herself, so if by some chance he loses the battle yet survives, Jon will have no more family left.

It’s no wonder that after his little (not really) pep-talk from Sansa that Jon goes to Melisandre and demands she not bring him back from the dead should he be killed in battle. Sansa has just told him he would have no family left - her or Rickon - so what would be the point?

NOW

One thing about the Jon/Sansa scene that I find endlessly fascinating is the words it ends on. Go back and rewatch the scene if you can’t immediately remember their parting words because I actually love them so much.

I won’t ever let him touch you again. I’ll protect you. I promise.

No one can protect me. No one can protect anyone.

And WHAT, I ask you, is the name of the episode that directly precedes this one? That’s right. 6x08 is titled NO ONE.

Jon uses the same words Ned used with him when he swore they’d speak about Jon’s mother next time they met and the promise Lyanna made Ned swear to her before she died. So of course we’re meant to think of Lyanna and we find out in the episode directly after this one, that she is, in fact Jon’s mother.

Sansa on the other hand, uses the phrase no one. She doesn’t say you can’t protect me, she doesn’t say I can’t be protected. She says no one which is, of course, a reference to Arya who has become No One.

And thinking in retrospect, Arya is the one who protects Sansa, not Jon. Jon, as Sansa says, didn’t win the battle of the Bastards. She did, so that was Sansa protecting herself. And then at the beginning of S7, Jon heads off for Dragonstone leaving her alone. When Baelish gets up to his tricks and schemes with pitting Sansa and Arya against each other, Arya is the one to execute Baelish, not one of Sansa’s household guards or knights.

So this conversation between them, though of course is just another argument between the two siblings, also hints to the audience at both of their families whose fates they don’t know about - Jon with Lyanna and Sansa with Arya.

Jon and Daenerys’ cave “argument” is actually anything but. They don’t use harsh words, they don’t raise their voices with one another, they don’t point out each other flaws, they don’t even raise any issues with believing in each other. Instead Jon and Dany are probably the softest we’ve seen them in a really long time.

When Jon and Dany first meet in the episode prior to this, and Tyrion tells Jon It takes no time to bend the knee, Jon retorts I don’t know you. In 6x03 his reasoning for not submitting to Dany’s rule is personal. He continually inserts himself in the argument - I don’t know you, my own father fought to overthrow the Mad King, The Lords of the North put their trust in me to lead them and I will do so as well as I can.

However, when they are in the cave together alone, Jon takes himself out of it saying, My people won’t accept a southern ruler, not after everything they’ve suffered. He doesn’t say he won’t accept a southern ruler which Daenerys picks up on when she replies, The will if their King does. They chose you to lead them. They chose you to protect them. Isn’t their survival more important than your pride?

Which of course, those being the exact same words Jon spoke to Mance when Mance refused to kneel to Stannis, shakes Jon and leaves him speechless. With the Free Folk, Jon saw that Mance’s words - They followed me because they respected me, because they believed in me. The moment I kneel for a southern king, that’s all gone - aren’t really true. At least in the sense that the Free Folk couldn’t believe in anyone but Mance....because once Jon stood up for them, they then believed in him.

Some people might say Dany saying these words to Jon foolish of her, she doesn’t understand the situation, it’s completely different from when Jon said this to Mance, etc. etc. But...it’s really not.

The Free Folk don’t kneel for anyone and they didn’t choose another King after Mance died. But again, they put their trust in Jon when he 1) led them to safety 2) died because of it and 3) fought with them in the battle of the bastards. The Free Folk have no reason not to trust Jon now and though he says he’s not their King, they listen to him and do as he asks. And if the Free Folk can change - these stubborn, hardheaded people who refer to all those south of the Wall as southerners and kneelers - then certainly, the stubborn hardheaded Northern Lords can change too.

ALSO Tormund even uses this phrase almost verbatim too when speaking to Jon about Mance in 7x06. Jon tells Tormund that Dany will only fight with them if he bends the knee and Tormudn replies, “Mance Rayder was a great man, a proud man. The King Beyond the Wall who never bent the knee. How many of his people died for his pride?”

So for those going on about, It’s not Jon’s pride, he really knows his people and knows that he’s the only one keeping the peace and keeping them together, they’d never accept Dany, blah blah blah. Well, no. That’s not correct. If the Free Folk can change and accept Jon as a leader and if the Lords of the North can accept the Free Folk as allies even though they have been enemies for thousands of years, then the Northern Lords can accept a Targaryen as their Queen...especially when it was less than a a quarter of a century ago that they were under Targaryen rule anyway. The Northern Lords lived for three hundred years with a Targaryen as their monarch. It’s not that big of an ask that they do so again, especially when they’re facing what they’re facing and absolutely can’t do so alone without any assistance.

In the cave scene, Daenerys isn’t even asking for Jon’s fighting men - she doesn’t need them anyway. As Tyrion says in this same episode, Daenerys has the largest armies. She doesn’t need more. What she needs from Jon is his loyalty. He gives her that, she will give him her armies to help fight his war, not the other way around.

I think it’s definitely this conversation and the subsequent one Jon has with Tormund that makes him see that Northern Independence isn’t and has never been his cause and what really matters is saving his people and making sure they are in good hands - Daenerys’ hands. And once the Northern Lords see what Daenerys brings to the table and that her purpose is to save the North, not conquer it, they’ll respect her, because in the North, actions most definitely speak louder than words and Daenerys is all about taking action.

5) Jon and Sharing Personal Information

One of the things I keep seeing floating around as a criticism against Jonerys is about the way Jon speaks to people and what information he shares with them. Namely, that he talks candidly with and shares with everyone except Dany whom he “supposedly” is in love with - from Sansa, his sister, to Beric, a man he’s never met before. So without further adieu, let’s dive in:

Jon and Sansa.

Jon and Sansa’s communication/conversations can be neatly packed into the following categories: food, family, forgiveness, Sansa questioning Jon’s decisions, ans Sansa wondering why Jon doesn’t trust her. Most of their conversations are started by Sansa: This is good soup, remember the pies Old Nan used to make, I spent a lot of time thinking about what an ass I was to you, can you forgive me, where will you go, so he’s your most trusted advisor, so you’ve drawn up your battle plans...etc.

Aside from an off camera moment where Jon has obviously told Sansa what happened to him - dying and being brought back by Melisandre - Jon doesn’t divulge much to Sansa. In fact, the most he really speaks to her about his past and what he’s been through is when they’re fighting in the scene above. Sansa asks him to fight and Jon tells her that he’s tired of fighting and then gives off a list of people he’s killed. The reminisce for a tiny bit - all prompted by Sansa - and then they argue about Winterfell - again prompted by Sansa - and then the rest of their time together is likewise spent arguing. And none of their arguments really come to any sort of conclusion or reconciliation or resolution. The same things they argue about in Season 6, they argue about in Season 7. They are constantly at odds and don’t entirely trust in each other’s opinions all the way up through 7x07 when Jon does not consult Sansa about bending the knee - to which she’s both surprised and irritated about. Their sibling rivalry never really ends.

Next up: Jon and Beric

“Your wildling friend told me the Red Woman brought you back. Thoros has brought me back six times. We both serve the same Lord.” “I serve the North.” “The North didn’t raise you from the dead.” “The Lord of Light never spoke to me. I don’t know anything about him. I don’t know what he wants from me.” “He wants you alive.” “Why?” “I don’t know.” “That’s all anyone can tell me: I don’t know?”

Let it be noted: Jon and Beric do not have a heart to heart. Jon does not randomly feel the need to confide in someone about his death and resurrection. He does not pry for information from Beric about Ned or R’hllor. Beric is the one to strike up conversation with Jon, tell him about Ned, and tell Jon he already knows that Jon was brought back to life because Tormund told Beric. It’s not as if Jon can deny it to someone who has also been brought back from the dead. And based on Jon’s clipped and snarky responses to Beric - That’s all anyone can tell me, I don’t know - it would seem this is not a topic Jon really enjoys talking to Beric about anyway. But because Tormund outed him and there’s really no where to escape when they’re on the same mission together, Jon is forced to chat with him.

Last: Jon and Dany

Like Jon and Sansa, Jon and Dany have several of their own private moments. On the steps in 7x03, in the cave in 7x04, on the cliffs in 7x05, on the boat in 7x06, and in the Dragonpit in 7x07. Yet three of the five “private moments” Jon and Dany share, Jon is the instigator. On the steps, he seeks her out and despite being vague, he does disclose something deeply personal - “We all enjoy what we’re good at.” “I don’t.” In 7x04, he takes her into the caves to tell her about the Night King and encourage her that they fight together.” And in 7x05 Jon is waiting for Daenerys to return from battle and he prompts her to tell him how it went - even though this information has no bearing on their dragonglass arrangement.

With everyone else Jon almost always has to be prompted for conversation but with Daenerys, he seeks her out multiple times. No he doesn’t tell her about his resurrection when she asks, but then again, it wasn’t a need to know situation like with Sansa, and she didn’t share his experience and already know about it like with Beric. And by the end of 7x06, it’s moot anyway because she can clearly see his scars.

Jon doesn’t like sharing personal information with anyone. Even with Ygritte, he didn’t share much about himself. But with Daenerys, he does seek her out whereas with others, he doesn’t. That’s the difference.

Lasty...

6) Jon and Gifts

The Wolf Bit

“New dress?” “I made it myself. Do you like it?” “I like the wolf bit.” “Good. Because I made this for you. I made it like the one father used to wear. As near as I can remember.”

I have to say, out of all the Jon/Sansa interactions, I think I find this one 1) the most endearing and pure and 2) the most potential “ick” factor when considering J0nsas love this moment. Why?

Because Sansa makes Jon a cloak like their father’s. If there was anything romantic happening between them, this would have been a perfect scene for Sansa to give Jon a gift to show her affection for him - yet the way it’s written, it’s tainted by the reminder that they are siblings, share the same father, and now Sansa wants Jon to dress like their father. It just doesn’t spell romance. Or even future romance for that matter.

The writers could have written the scene something like Hey Jon, I noticed your cloak had some tears in it, so I made you a new one or something that would make Sansa’s gesture equally thoughtful but less...icky.

ALSO...Jon’s amazement at the gift is incredibly realistic considering they are at Castle Black - where supplies of everything are limited, and assuming Sansa didn’t make off with a bag of money when she left Ramsay’s so had no way to buy new fabric and sewing supplies. Where on earth did she even get fabric to make herself a whole new dress and also to make Jon a cloak?? She’s got to be pretty flipping resourceful in order to pull that off. It’s impressive that she can make herself new clothes when she’s living under such conditions with such limited supplies. And Jon is rightfully impressed with her talent and thankful for her gift.

Throughout season 6, Jon and Sansa are returning to their roots, becoming more Stark-like than they’ve ever been before really. Jon was always a man of the Night’s Watch and Sansa has been many things throughout the series. But with Sansa’s new dress with her House sigil on it and with her making Jon a cloak like their fathers, they are both showing their true colors and what really matters, despite what might get in the way: being a Stark and being family.

Dragonglass

For their first ever private meeting sans advisors or guards, Jon and Dany’s conversation on the steps actually is fairly successful. Yes, they do still disagree about the governing of the North. However, instead of continuing to hinder their relationship, it actually seems to be what is keeping them moving forward. If Jon just gave Dany everything she wanted, his fighting me, his loyalty, the North, they wouldn’t really have anything to continue talking about.

Likewise if Dany gave Jon everything he was asking for, they wouldn’t have anything to continue talking about. By holding back, the question of will the won’t they continues to be thread through their subsequent episodes and in their relationship.

By Dany giving Jon the dragonglass, it keeps him on the island but they still are in somewhat conflict when it comes to being the “rightful ruler”. Dany’s gift and assistance with this matter also allows Jon to see that Daenerys isn’t a person beyond reason. She does genuinely want to help him even if she may not entirely believe him. And Jon can see that and appreciate that. Aside from an ally, he really did need weapons for his people and Dany gave him that.

#got meta #jonerys meta #ANTI JONSA #sibling squabbles between jon and sansa #scenes explained #game of thrones #got parallels #callback

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mysticdragon3md3 · 5 years

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I have to note that seeing Phantom Thief Kasumi more often, the mere exposure is warming me up to her costume.

[Tumblr Mobile, there’s supposed to be a cut here. If the cut isn't appearing, please don't read under this line. This word vomit is just processing for myself and my own personal fandom records.]

It's been a long time since I was regularly reading 1990's X-men comics and accustomed to seeing everyone in leotards and unitards all the time. But I've been seeing a lot of good fan-art of her lately, that have a more bad-ass feel than the official art, and they reminded me of the superhero comics I used to read. So now it's easier for me to see her leotard as "superhero confidence" than just oddly without pants.

I still maintain that without that type of accustomization to superhero/gymnastics leotards, a regular person would be going into seeing her costume, with only their usual, normal preconceptions of "people usually wear pants when they walk around outside". It's still an odd thing, in and of itself, when without context. And every time someone sees her costume, there isn't always going to be someone standing beside it, to explain that it references her gymnastics leotard and her rhythmic gymnastics backstory. Without that, just looking at her costume in and of itself is still going to reasonably result in reactions like "why isn't she wearing any pants?". That's just a commonly expected social norm. It's not necessarily any statement about shaming her for being "sexual", or shaming people for not being immediately familiar with gymnastics leotards, or shaming people for reading sexuality into it, or shaming people who want to be sex positive and have the right to portray body confidence even in revealing ways. Finding pantslessness odd isn’t a condemnation; it’s just recognizing that it’s unusual in most situations, (especially without context). Frankly, her costume doesn't immediately read as a gymnastics leotard, unless again, someone is standing beside it to explain all the design inspirations. Or maybe if it had more colors, it would immediately read as a gymnastics leotard. And purely design-wise, a long coat inherently says "covering up" while a leotard hemline clashes with that. Personally, I find "pants" to instinctively symbolize "ready for battle" to me. And that's just a difference of opinion. Everyone is going to go into seeing her design with individual preconceptions from the rest of their world experience, because the game hasn't yet released to give context for her.

[Doesn't mean anyone is wrong for having differing opinions or that people have the right to police other people. Like I wrote before (https://mysticdragon3md3.tumblr.com/post/184441828297/i-dont-want-to-fight-about-kasumi-not-wearing), everyone's opinions are simultaneously correct, because her costume is both perfectly fine (whether in that women have the right to be sexual OR "this isn't sexual; stop reading into it") AND adding to an overall context of media that over-emphasizes skin-tight low/high-cut costumes and easily objectify women regardless of original intent----They're both true!]

Doesn't mean that Kasumi's leotard can't become cool and empowering, after I get the context of her personality and story, when P5R releases. I know that once Persona 5 the Royal comes out, I'll see her story, it'll put inextricable context around her costume, and then whenever I see it, I'll only see it as representative of Kasumi's personality/story and whatever awesomeness she'll turn out to have. (I won't have to only see "Huh? She's not wearing pants, whoever she is" whenever I see her costume, since I haven't seen her story/personality yet, to get context for her costume.) Because I have always grown a fondness for character designs that I even have pre-established preferences against, if I grow an affection for their personalities. Look at Ryuji Sakamoto: I hate masculine looking guys, but after I found out he is such a good person and has such a great personality, every trait that represents him, now somehow is extremely endearing to me. Look at Lina Inverse: I used to be into buxom girls; but after her awesome personality, I grew a liking towards the same petite girl appeal as hers. I even loved Ryuji's newly revealed winter outfit during the P5R trailer. Everyone (except rodi) is complaining about how his fashion sense looks horrible, but when I first saw it, that boldness and intensity in colors/style was just so him that I loved it. Maybe me from the past, before I knew Ryuji, would be calling that fashion sense a clashing mess. But I know Ryuji, that that represents Ryuji well, and I love everything about that character, so I love the things that represent him. So I knew the same would happen with my feelings towards Kasumi once I knew her story and personality (...I mean, if those turned out to be endearing). So I'm waiting for P5R to provide real context to make her (and her costume) cool.

But seriously, there is some real bad-ass fan-art of Kasumi's Phantom Thief costume! And I'm not sure what it is that makes it so much better than the official art. https://twitter.com/makkusuoko/status/1121402111353184258 https://twitter.com/ScruffyTurtles/status/1121229160897220608 https://twitter.com/sodapeche/status/1121233065903259649 https://twitter.com/ruko12_ruko/status/1122118446773194752 https://twitter.com/gravitysoda/status/1122194185724092416 https://twitter.com/Byoru_zzZ/status/1122879189235843073 https://twitter.com/PhantomThighs/status/1123290396661026816 https://twitter.com/jamesghio/status/1122263574821449731 https://twitter.com/orirising/status/1121182790777749504 [https://twitter.com/constarlations/status/1122678373204021250] There was one I saw the other day of just a sideways closeup, with her shoulders looking angular and powerful, while one of her legs was bent, emphasizing the high cut of her PT leotard. Maybe it made her high hemline reminiscent of superhero leotards, or the sexual confidence of models, or Major Kusanagi. It was like being sexy without being sexualized. I think that's what they call body confidence.

Again, this post is just for me, to note the evolution of my fandoms. I'm not interested in getting into any arguments with anyone. Don't @ me.

#please ignore my idiocy #just noting my fandom evolutions for my own records

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otheroutlandertales · 6 years

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Anonymous said: Fergus doesn't know what to get Marsali for her birthday

Hello OOT readers! Muy here. I’ve shaped this prompt to fit within my Fersali ficlet series, which means it can be enjoyed as a standalone fic or as part of a larger story. This particular ficlet takes place in between “First date”/Oversight and The jacket. enjoy!

Fersali: Pictures

by @ianmuyrray

Fergus lounged at the end of a metal pier, cigarette in hand, the sky an early morning blue-gray behind him. Across the bay stood a shadowed city skyline, rectangular windows winking golden in the shadow of buildings. In the distance, sailboats billowed their white sails, stiff, rocking clouds.

Marsali’s birthday is tomorrow. Fuck.

He drew from his cig, the end glowing a brilliant orange, and narrowed his eyes against a sea breeze. He took a moment to appreciate smoke-filled lungs. God, that feels good. He exhaled out of his nose, reluctantly.

He’d met Marsali about a month ago. And it’d been the best month of his life. It was a whirlwind, and yet, he forgot nothing. Time flashed by like lightning, but he knew he could freeze-frame, recall any image he wanted in high definition.

Marsali was a walking daydream. He constantly feared he would be roused from it only to find himself alone again. She was tough, funny, sweet, smart-mouthed, and ridiculously sexy. Their relationship had progressed very quickly, and Fergus felt the groove of pavement and the roar of an engine as he raced toward everything he never thought he wanted.

He was terrified, yet glad of it.

When apart, they were constantly in contact, unable to refuse the magnetism between them. He felt compelled to update her on the little things during the day, to check in on her smallest moments, to share everything. He had never felt such a depth of connection with anyone before.

He ran his hand absentmindedly over the phone in his pocket. It had been largely silent - nothing from Marsali in a number of days.

He stared blankly into the skyline. Boats bobbed around him, the air smelled of sea salt and algae-blanketed rock walls. Fergus frowned.

Rushing into things had its side effects. Like David - someone he reached out to when he was lonely and bereft, someone Fergus had used to pretend another person liked him, cherished him, wanted to spend time with him. But really, David was just someone he could get off with shortly after sending a text. Fergus never had to clean his shitty flat, or shave on his days off, or feel responsible for buying David’s dinner. David wasn’t a boyfriend, wasn’t a relationship; he was only a hookup.

Fergus hadn’t had an opportunity to reach out to David since Marsali had appeared in the restaurant, looking thoroughly fuckable, extremely dangerous, and forgotten by another man. He had been drawn to her, and watching her storm out of the restaurant made him shed his apron and tie and clock out-- assigned shift be damned. He needed to be near her, to find out if she felt the same undeniable pull.

He flicked his thumb against the cig’s filter end, ashes falling into the harbor water, before bringing it to his lips for a final inhale. He sighed as he exhaled and extinguished the cigarette butt on the metal pier before tossing it into a little rubbish bucket hanging from the pier’s post.

And tomorrow was her birthday.

Fergus had agonized over what to get her. Always strapped for cash, making little money as he did as a server, his options were limited. What the hell was he supposed to buy someone he’s only known a few weeks when it feels like he’s known her longer than time itself?

He had decided to show her how meaningful the time warp was to him. So, he prepared a box of photographs for her. Snapshots of them together, of silly selfies, eating mustard covered hot dogs from a street cart, climbing grassy hills in the park, sharing a slurpee at the theater. Photos of them separate. He had included several of the images she had snapped of him: one while he was reading under a lamp at night, one where he was eating an ice cream sandwich in the car, another where he lounged in bed, nude and happy.

And, of course, there were photos of her that he had taken. Photos of Marsali was the largest category in the box; he couldn’t seem to stop taking photos of her, let alone select only a few of the ones he had taken. He wanted to capture her in all lights, in all settings, in all expressions.

There was one he had taken of her in the shower. He snuck into the warm bathroom and playfully stuck his phone around the corner of the curtain. She had squealed in delight and surprise, trying to knock the phone from his hands and into the running water. Water droplets sprinkled his arm and phone, and he nearly dropped it, but he managed to snap a picture. He had leaned against the sink, admiring the image of her on his cracked screen, the out of date phone broad in his hands.

Shower still running, Marsali whipped open the curtain, wild-eyed and laughing. She leaped forward and tackled him, dampening his t-shirt and jeans. But he hadn’t cared. He stripped out of his wet clothes as quickly as he could and pulled her back under the running water, closing the curtain behind them.

The photo from that day is his favorite. A blurry image of Marsali whooping with laughter, surrounded by running water and steam and sea-foam colored tile. She was covering herself the best she could with one arm while the other extended to swat the camera away.

In that photo was Marsali, the woman. Daring, goofy, fun-loving, kissable, fierce Marsali, who trusted him completely from the moment she had met him, who gave him all of herself before he even realized how much he needed it.

His lips twitched, his mind cascading through tender memory, familiar tobacco whirring through his head. A seagull flew by him, then parted with a low swoop. Twilight was fading.

His phone began to buzz, and Fergus felt his heart stop as he was ripped back into the present. He swallowed hard but didn’t move to grab it. Instead, without checking the name on his screen, he silenced the phone.

Several days ago, he had been in the kitchen, stirring a bubbling pot of noodles for a macaroni and cheese dinner for the two of them. Marsali was on the couch, buried in her computer.

At the last second, he had heard his phone ringing.

“Marsali, could you get that?” he called, tapping starched water off his wooden spoon and reaching for a colander.

“Sure thing, dove,” she had replied, standing up from the couch and heading for his jacket on the coat hook, where his phone waited in a pocket, dinging.

Fergus busied himself by straining the noodles and pulling milk from the fridge, tearing open the cheese packet and dumping it into the new bowl of noodles.

Marsali entered the kitchen, her face stony and cold, and held out the phone.

“Who is it?” Fergus asked, mixing ingredients together, frowning at her severe look.

“It’s a call from some guy named David. He wants to know if ye’re available tonight,” she replied, her voice dark and clipped.

Fergus’ stirring efforts stopped abruptly, and he glanced over at Marsali. “Dav-- David?”

“Yes,” Marsali replied, terse. “He also sent ye a photo.”

She tossed his clunky, outdated smartphone to the counter where Fergus saw a graphic, closeup of David’s erect penis.

Fergus’ heart leaped into his throat, and his head spun. He rubbed a hand against his forehead, trying to stop it, staring hard at the macaroni bowl before him, the two smaller bowls he had set out for their dinner to share.

“Who is David?” Instead of demanding, Marsali was cold, her blue eyes glittered dangerously with ice. “And how often does this happen?” She waved a hand over the phone.

“It’s not what you think,” Fergus replied, his mind racing, trying to find a way to explain that wouldn’t upset Marsali further.

“It’s not?” she snapped, nodding towards the lit phone screen, David’s erection still displayed. “What is that, then?”

Fergus flinched. “He was from before you.” He had been so focused on Marsali during the last weeks that everyone else had faded into the background.

“Ye’ve been with men?”

Fergus swallowed. While he had reached an incredible level of intimacy with Marsali, he hadn’t yet shared that. No one knew he had been sleeping with David, or that David wasn’t the first. “Yes.” His cheeks flushed.

“Why didn’t ye tell me? Did ye really think I would care?”

He hadn’t wanted to find out if she’d care, fearing the worst. “Marsali, I--”

“Ye know what, I dinna care about yer interest in men. At all.” The words hung in the air, and for a moment, he felt he believed her. “What I do care about is ye sneaking around behind my back. I thought we had something good here, Fergus.”

He fought to catch his breath. “We do! Marsali--”

“Fergus, I willna have ye lyin’ to me.”

“Dammit, would you let me speak!” He gripped the edge of the counter tight with rage and fear, feeling everything slipping quickly away from him.

She glowered at him. “Go ahead then. What have ye to say?”

He breathed deep, ran his hands over his face, wanting to pace the small room that was his kitchen, try to gain some traction. “I didn’t tell you about him because I was a coward, Marsali. No one knows!” He took a deep breath. “And I didn’t tell him about you because he’s not important enough to me. I was just going to ghost him. I have no attachment to David.”

“No attachment? Ye seem pretty cozy to me.” She grabbed the phone, held it up again like she was a prize presenter on a bizarre game show he didn’t want to play.

“Put that down! I’m only going to delete it like I have the others.”

“The others? You’ve received other photos from him, or there are others who send photos?”

He had, actually, received late-night texts from Rhona, someone he had been seeing several months ago. He ignored them, but... he hadn’t actually deleted them.

Marsali immediately turned to his phone, beginning to search through his messages. He stood there, feeling trapped in quicksand, unable to move for fear of making the situation worse.

Finding the naked photos of Rhona, Marsali looked as if she was going to explode, a powder keg, set to ignite if he had reached to touch her. Full of disgust, she threw the phone at him, and he had to duck quickly to dodge it. It struck the wall and landed with a sharp sound on the linoleum floor.

“Ye didna delete it, you pig,” she uttered. Her eyes were bright and red, tears gathering in her long lashes. “Am I just another one? Another number for you to call when you’re lonely? To keep dirty pictures of?”

“No!” he reached for her, wanting to pull her into his arms, convey with touch what he couldn’t express in words.

She swiped at him, denying his embrace, and backed away. Without another word, she threw on her coat and shoes, slamming the door behind her as she left. At the sight of the shuddering door frame, his heart ached, his stomach churned, his head swam. Fuck, fuck, fuck his cowardice.

He hadn’t heard from her in several days.

He leaned back against the pier, all the way back, flattening himself, his ribcage collapsing with resignation.

From the beginning, he could have handled everything differently. He could have been upfront with Marsali, upfront with David, and yet hadn’t been. Because he wanted Marsali all to himself because he didn’t want to upend the boat. Because he was scared.

He sighed, lit a second cigarette. Savored it until it burnt to ash and stank of plastic filter. He lay silent, unmoving.

But the spell had broken the spell anyway. She was gone. He had gambled and lost.

The car he had been traveling in, towards his everything, disintegrated around him like the smoke he exhaled. His everything disappeared into the twilight, wafting up and away from the city skyline; it drowned in the water, trapped in weeds, too far gone to cry out to be saved.

She haunted him. Even now, he could hear her chastising him for not contacting her. These days apart were an eternity. If life was fast with her, it was glacial without her.

He ran his hands through his hair, sat up. He pulled the phone out of his pocket, finally able to look at it.

He ignored the notification-- it was just a spam email-- and opened an app to message Marsali, even as he guessed she wouldn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say, or where to start, but he had to try something.

A life without Marsali didn’t feel possible.

I’m sorry.

Immediately, the message registered as read. Bubbles from the other side jumped, stopped. Jumped again. He waited, hardly able to take a breath.

I know. Miss you.

She had been waiting to hear from him. Thank god.

He stood then, brushed the dust from his jeans.

He found his car, scrounged a pen out of his glove compartment. He opened up the box of photographs beside him in the passenger seat, began to write what he could remember about the moment he took it on the back. His heart leaped as he remembered being together in the park. How content he felt when they lay together. The exhilaration that rushed through him when he snuck into the shower to take a picture of her. He wanted to show her how she made him feel, wanted her to know everything, all of it.

It was her birthday tomorrow, dammit, and he wasn’t going to let cowardice or fear, or weakness, stop him from celebrating her.

#outlander fanfiction #otheroutlandertales #mod muy #pair: fergus x marsali #ch: fergus #ch: marsali #modern au #category: mf #queerlander #fersali #oot #*

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your-dietician · 3 years

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Health Habits to Avoid if You Don't Want a Heart Attack, Say Experts

New Post has been published on https://depression-md.com/health-habits-to-avoid-if-you-dont-want-a-heart-attack-say-experts/

Health Habits to Avoid if You Don't Want a Heart Attack, Say Experts

A broken heart can, in fact, kill you. Heart disease—which can refer to several types of heart conditions, including coronary artery disease, and can lead to a heart attack—is the leading cause of death in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Yet about 80 percent of cardiac and stroke events may be prevented with knowledge and heart-healthy action.

So what can you actually do? We’ll answer that question with 15 more. Eat This, Not That! Health rounded up a list of your biggest Qs about heart disease—and found As for them all. Keep reading for a real heart to heart—and to ensure your health and the health of others, don’t miss these Sure Signs You Have “Long” COVID and May Not Even Know It.

What is Cholesterol And is it Always Bad?

high cholesterol

Despite its reputation, cholesterol is not exactly the c-word. Yes, high cholesterol is not a good thing, but cholesterol in general is necessary for your existence. Seventy-five percent of this waxy, fat-like substance is produced by your liver and other cells of your body. The rest you usually get by eating animal products like meat, egg yolks, or dairy (cholesterol isn’t produced in plants, so you won’t find it in vegetables or fruits).

So why do you need It? Cholesterol is necessary to make your hormones such as estrogen, or testosterone; production of vitamin D; and is a building block for human tissue. Too much of it, however, can reduce your blood flow through your arteries which can lead to chest pain, stroke or heart attack.

Recommendation: Visit your primary care doctor to check your cholesterol and other risk factors. The American Heart Association recommends to do it every four to six years. If you are over 35, you should do it even more often. Your doctor will explain what your results mean and suggest the next steps, but you don’t want your LDL (bad cholesterol) level to be 190 or higher.

What Are the Warning Signs of Heart Disease?

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Man having a heart attack

Warning signs are a good thing. They alert us to a problem and give us information that we may be able to act on. Heart disease can manifest in a number of different ways, including chest pain; tightness or discomfort; shortness of breath; dizziness; irregular heartbeat; a sense of doom; becoming easily winded by regular everyday activities, and more.

Recommendation: If you experience any of these symptoms, particularly together, call your doctor immediately—it could be a sign of a heart attack.

RELATED: The #1 Cause of Heart Attack, According to Science

If I’m a Woman, Are the Symptoms the Same?

Woman holding chest

It’s no longer a man’s world, especially when it comes to heart disease. For decades, the medical community and general public saw heart disease as a “man’s” disease. But this is no longer the case. If you have the risk factors and also family history, you have the potential to develop heart disease—whether you’re a man or woman. The sad truth is that about the same number of women and men die from heart disease every year.

Wait, there is more: Heart disease is now the No. 1 cause of death in women. According to the Centers for Disease Control heart disease kills almost 300,000 women every year or causes 1 of every 5 female deaths. And despite increased awareness, the CDC reports that only 56 percent of women know how deadly heart disease is to women.

Recommendation: A heart-healthy lifestyle goes a long way toward reducing your overall risk of heart and other diseases.

Do Men And Women Experience the Same Heart Disease Symptoms?

Heart health

Heart disease symptoms in women may differ from those experienced by men. If you’re a woman, learning to recognize these symptoms can reduce your risk. Most men and women will exhibit the most common symptom of a heart attack: chest pain. But one in five women do not have any chest pain at all when having a heart attack. Learn what the warning signs are: They can save your life.

Recommendation: Take heed, these are the most common symptoms of a heart attack in women.

Pain and/or discomfort in your chest, neck, jaw, back, arms, or stomach

Unusually rapid heartbeat

Nausea

Fatigue

Shortness of breath

Dizziness

Although these symptoms could be caused by other factors if you experience them, see a doctor.

My Parents Had Heart Disease. Am I Doomed?

cheerful african family at home using tablet

You share more than you think with your family, and we’re not talking dad’s big schnozz. You share genes, behaviors, lifestyle. All these can influence your risk of developing certain health conditions—heart disease included. The risks can be further impacted by your age, race, and ethnicity. If your mother had a stroke or your father had a heart attack, you are at higher risk for heart disease. The American Heart Association shares that both the risk of heart disease and risk factors for heart disease are strongly linked to family history.

Recommendation: You can’t change your family history, but you can change your behavior. Check your cholesterol and blood pressure regularly and pay more attention to the risk factors that you can limit, like getting regular exercise and eating a healthy balanced diet. Start with a delicious collection of recipes that will teach anyone how to cook beautiful meals, lose weight fast, and get healthier fast.

RELATED: Dr. Fauci Just Shared 7 Key Points About Boosters

Is Heart Disease Reversible?

Hand holding mouse with blur Computed Tomography Angiography Coronay (CTA coronary) background.

You can’t turn back time—once your heart is damaged it’s not possible to regenerate dead cells. Although you cannot regrow your heart muscle, you may be able to reverse heart disease by making lifestyle choices (like not smoking) that keep your cholesterol and blood pressure in check. Several research studies have shown that aggressively lowering your LDL or “bad” cholesterol below 100 can actually open up blocked coronary arteries, at least partially.

Recommendation: Intensive lifestyle changes have been shown to reduce plaque build-up in your arteries, lowering the risk of heart disease. The secret to preventing heart disease just might be the Mediterranean diet. Start now with these easy 15 Mediterranean Diet Swaps for Your Go-To Meals.

Can a Glass of Red Wine a Day Help Keep the Heart Doctor Away?

Woman drinking wine

Rejoice, real housewives: Scientific research shows that having one or two drinks a day can help keep the risk of heart disease at bay. Why? It’s thought that drinking wine or alcohol—in moderation!—increases levels of HDL or “good” cholesterol and protects against plaque build-up in your arteries. This benefit is lost, however, at more indulgent levels of copious alcohol consumption.

Recommendation: Gin-and-tonic (and even Aperol-spritz) lovers take note: This heart-healthy benefit is not restricted to red wine! Studies show that any alcoholic drink may have some happy heart benefits. Enjoy responsibly—whether it’s occasional or overindulgence, drinking alcohol has a big effect on the body’s detox system.

Will Taking an Aspirin a Day Reduce the Risk of Heart Disease?

Closeup of a young brunette getting some aspirins from a bottle at home.

Many healthy Americans take a baby aspirin every day to reduce their risk of various diseases, including heart attack, stroke, cancer, and dementia. However, is it really a good idea? Nope. A recent study released by the New England Journal of Medicine says, “Aspirin use in healthy elderly persons did not prolong disability-free survival over five years but led to a higher rate of major hemorrhage than placebo.” If you’re healthy and don’t have high-risk markers for heart disease, leave the baby aspirin to sick babies.

Recommendation: There is an exception, though: If you’ve already had a heart attack or suffered a stroke, talk to your doctor. Strong evidence suggests that taking a daily baby aspirin can reduce your risk of suffering another heart attack or stroke.

RELATED: What Taking a Vitamin Every Day Does to Your Body

Can Exercise Really Make My Heart Stronger?

doctor examines patient

It really can. Moving your body has enormous health benefits: Exercise reduces blood pressure and increases HDL (high-density lipoprotein) or “good” cholesterol while helping lower LDL (low-density lipoprotein) or “bad” cholesterol. Physical activity can help rid the body of arterial plaque build-up—and is one of the most effective tools to strengthen heart muscle. Exercise is also a great stress reliever. And of course, it can help you look hot in those new Levi’s.

Here’s more: Getting regular exercise makes it less likely that you will suffer a heart attack—and if you do, it will likely be less severe.

Recommendation: Not all exercise is created equal when it comes to heart health. According to Johns Hopkins exercise physiologist Kerry J. Stewart, Ed.D., “Aerobic exercise and resistance training are the most important for heart health.” The American Heart Association offers some great tips to help get you moving!

I’m Overweight. How at Risk am I?

Bigger is not better, especially when it comes to our hearts. Being overweight increases the risk of heart disease. In fact, there can be a ten-fold increase in the risk of developing high blood pressure and diabetes due to being overweight. It also decreases your HDL cholesterol, another significant risk factor for cardiovascular disease.

In fact, obesity is the leading cause of heart disease risk and death in the United States, and 70 percent of American are adults classified as overweight or obese. What’s also alarming is that its rate and incidence of obesity have been on the rise in both adults and children.

Recommendation: If you’re overweight, consider making some serious heart-healthy lifestyle changes. Try lowering your cholesterol by eating a more plant-based diet. Also, get your body moving.

RELATED: 9 Everyday Habits That Might Lead to Dementia

I Love Salt. How Much Can I Have?

hands adding salt to pasta water

Sodium is a vital mineral that’s crucial for both muscle and nerve function, but too much salt intake may increase your risk for high blood pressure and heart disease. The Dietary Guidelines for Americans put forth by the CDC recommends that you consume fewer than 2,300 milligrams of sodium a day.

And you must stay on top of your sodium intake—the amounts you take can sneak up on you, especially in foods you don’t normally suspect as being high in salt. Some common culprits include pickles, peanuts, ready-made meals, canned soups, and of course, potato chips. Just one cup of your favorite chicken broth can have as much as 860 milligrams of sodium!

Recommendation: Look for canned foods with “low sodium” or “unsalted” on the label. And these tips will help you beat bloat, improve heart health, and bring some excitement to your dishes!

How Bad Does My Stress Tax My Heart?

Stressed out woman

Stress can indeed stress your heart out. The American Heart Association reports that it can contribute to high blood pressure, asthma, ulcers, and gastrointestinal disorders like irritable bowel syndrome. Essentially, excessive stress can have an outsize effect on your body. It also affects behaviors that can increase your risk of heart disease. Drinking and smoking are two common ways we try to “manage” stress in our lives, but both can increase blood pressure and impact heart health.

Recommendation: Managing stress will help improve your overall health. Positive self-talk (“I’ve got this!”) or taking a few slow, deep breaths are among the tips recommended by American Heart Association.

RELATED: Signs You’re Getting One of the “Most Deadly” Cancers

Smoking is Bad, of Course, But How About Vaping?

Middle age hoary senior man

So you finally managed to curb your smoking habit—congrats!—and switched to e-cigarettes, like 3.2 percent of adults in the United States. Many people (yes, we’re talking about you, Pete from sales), think it’s cool, and also less damaging than smoking. It’s easy to forget that e-cigs—as well e-pens, e-pipes, e-hookah, and e-cigars—deliver nicotine, a highly addictive substance that according to The American Heart Association is hazardous to your health and is linked with cancer-causing chemicals.

Cancer is not the only problem: A 2019 survey revealed that vapers have 71 percent higher risk of stroke, 59 percent higher risk of heart attack and 40 percent higher risk of heart disease compared with non-users.

Recommendation: Want to get more heart smart? Quit smoking! Try a variety of approaches to help you stop—from nicotine-replacement patches and gum to medications. And if you happen to know a vaping teen—17 percent of whom start vaping because they believed that e-cigs are less harmful than other forms of tobacco—send them a link to this article. If they quit now, the risk of heart disease will come down within one to two years.

What Diet Changes Can I Make to Lower My Risk of Heart Disease?

Mediterranean diet

How much you eat may be just as important as what you eat. Do you often overload your plate, regularly take seconds (or thirds!), and eat until you’re stuffed? Then you are eating more calories than you should, and you gain weight. When you gain too much weight, your risk for heart disease goes up. This is not to say that what you eat doesn’t matter. It does. Follow advice of author Michael Pollan, who wrote: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”

Recommendation: Start with cutting on sodas and red meat. Eat a lot of fruit, vegetables and whole grain food instead. Try to add more nuts and seeds to your diet and eat fish at least twice a week.

RELATED: The #1 Cause of Alzheimer’s, According to Science

What Lifestyle Changes Can I Make to Lower My Risk of Heart Disease?

woman runner tightening shoe lace

Glad you asked. It means you might be interested in making changes big and small.

Recommendation: Adapt your lifestyle by following these six heart-savings steps:

• Stop smoking or vaping. This is one time you want to be a quitter. If you need assistance check out this helpful guide from the American Heart Association.

• Eat a healthy diet. Use more vegetables and fruits in your diet. Go easy on white bread. To quote Michael Pollan again: “The whiter the bread, the sooner you’ll be dead.”

• Move your body. Be physically active. Every. Single. Day. Getting at least 150 minutes per week of moderate-intensity physical activity can help lower cholesterol, blood pressure, and keep your waistline looking trim.

• Reduce stress. Research shows a clear link between being highly stressed and heart disease. If you are stressed out, there are management tools that can help.

• Lower your blood pressure. High blood pressure is a major risk factor for stroke, which is a leading cause of disability in the United States. Prevention is key.

• Manage high cholesterol. Cholesterol spackling the walls of your arteries is a disaster waiting to happen. Sooner or later, that fat could trigger a heart attack or stroke. If you’ve got high cholesterol, lower your intake of trans and saturated fats, and move your body (see above). If these lifestyle measures do not work, medication may be needed. And to get through this pandemic at your healthiest, don’t miss these 35 Places You’re Most Likely to Catch COVID.

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amwritingmeta · 7 years

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13x01: Full Episode Deconstruction

What am I supposed to say here? Sincerely, what? How can I even begin to create a coherent commentary on this episode when the imagery in my head is the entire crew with their balls out? *prostrates myself on the floor again* *fighting back tears of ever more resilient hope* *because them balls are so beautiful, babes*

I mean, if this isn’t balls out then I don’t know what is. And what the fuck does balls out even mean in the first place?

It means the narrative tying back to the first act, which is S1-3. But they’re bound to - and have so done - do callbacks to the start of the second act as well, which is S4-5.

I believe they’ll be picking and choosing to do callbacks to all the most memorable moments because this final stretch of the road is all about pulling the curtain back and revealing what the show really is all about, what the narrative has really been trying to tell us all along, moving us into an ending that feels surprising and yet wholly inevitable.

Meaning the narrative is wrapping up and is singing its last note as it hurtles down the highway towards positive endgame. So far the sound of that note is a thing of epic proportion and we only have the first episode.

*light sheen of sweat on my brow*

So, here we go, upwards and onwards with this review.

Let me tell you, firmly, that we screamed, we ( @margarittet @bluestar86 @tinkdw ) all screamed out loud as soon as the first notes of Nothing Else Matters started playing.

Anyone who has seen the S12 recap reel that they released during SDCC this summer will have been screaming their heads off as well, because that reel was all about family and love and it was so CasDean/DeanCas/Destiel heavy that one cannot even begin to fathom the joy it’s brought all summer long.

And here they go and use the song again (well, as Saz pointed out, now that they’ve got the rights why wouldn’t they?) but also we were just amazeballed in our eye sockets at the reveal that it was the chosen opening song and omfg we were four seconds in and already we could just tell that this. Was going. To be. Epic.

And fuck me I barely even know where to begin. So I’ll follow the above comment on the opening music mind-melt with… the first scene, I guess. Feels a bit boring and standard since so much meta has already been published but, oh well, can’t be galloping on the back of a unicorn over the rainbow in every post.

…….. Can you?

No. Okay, no. Keeping it neat and tidy. Scene by scene, blow by blow —> off we go.

1. “Father?”

I have a feeling this season is going to be about fatherhood.

That’s totally sarcasm, because we all knew this season was going to be about fatherhood. Dabb has stated it on more than one occasion. Here’s our first introduction to Jack and glowy daddy devil eyes fade and give way for confusion almost immediately, which made me do a little dance and almost make a little love to poor Tink sat beside me on the sofa.

Yes, we knew he was going to be a blank slate but actually seeing it, seeing ALL of this episode play itself out, still gave shockwaves of pure awe. There he is. It’s Jack! Pleasure to meet you, finally.

2. Ummmmmmmmmmm no

I mean YES. Because oh my God, look at his wings on the ground. They’re too magnificent for words. (yes @magnificent-winged-beast that’s a nod to you) (a sad one) And Dean’s face. Look at Dean’s faaaaaaaace. And how it shifts from utter disbelief, like he can’t even compute, like, no, this isn’t supposed to happen, this isn’t right, and into focus at the reason for it and what can be done about it. It’s like he’s looking at Cas thinking How…? Why…? And then his brain clicks and all he can think is Nephilim.

(what is sort of horrifying to think about is that, to Dean, Jack is a baby - Dean doesn’t know that Jack’s all growed up...)

Tink has been banging her drum for this moment of Dean pulling his gun and running up to scare the bejesus out of Jack since May. I think I might’ve given her a bruise from screaming YES and shaking her by the arm. :P

3. Visual Manifestation of Power

Sam is Sam is SAM. God, I love Sam so much throughout this entire episode. He’s so Sam. That’s a shitty comment, but seriously, he IS SO SAM. Compassionate and logical. I believe this season is going to be so good to Sam and he’s already stepping into those Leader Sam boots.

As ever, Dabb uses a scene with efficiency and establishes a lot of things for us here.

Jack has a mission - he wants his father and needs to find him. Jack’s eyes glowing throughout the scene tells us that, no matter how calming Sam is trying to be, Jack hasn’t begun to trust him yet, and then Dean barges in, gun drawn, spots those glowing eyes, takes aim and fires off a shot. So the instinct of self-preservation takes over and Jack’s powers manifest.

The visual of Jack’s power is so goddamn brilliantly effective, because I think we know he’s bound go dark side, and he is fucking scary here. (I hope we’re right) (we have to be right in that he’ll go dark and I can’t wait!) (I can’t wait for Dark Jack!!) He knocks the brothers out cold.

TITLE CARD: it’s so fucking beautiful, what else is there to say?

My first reaction - as I’m certain most of ours was to it - was literally holy fuck, it looks like the sun!!

The up-side-down cross with an I inside it makes me think of how I believe this season will focus on the question of identity more than ever before, based in Dean finally beginning to trust, to have faith in people outside of himself, easing up on his need for control, all of this immediate and necessary stepping stones toward him finding self-worth in realising all of his self-worth is not in being the hammer, it is just as much in being the shield.

He can take the backseat and still be useful, appreciated and loved.

4. Burning on the Ceiling

Dean dreams of Mary stepping between the brothers and Lucifer.

So, this dream sequence tells me that Mary going through the rift is - to Dean - the same as her dying, killed in hellfire once again, and him unable to stop it.

But what else does this image from the Pilot hit home? This nightmare image of Mary burning on the ceiling? What does that image represent to Dean Winchester?

Well, it set the course for his entire life, didn’t it? Losing her again is like a sudden reset, as though perhaps that change that had begun to take hold now after 12x22 was nothing but smoke and mirrors after all and this proves it. Whatever hope Dean had begun to feel for the future was taken from him with Cas’ death, and this flashback to his helplessness as a child when watching his mother burn only underlines how all the change he’s been going through is for nothing: he’s back right where he began. There is no happy ending in the cards for him. Ever.

Mary also bookends the episode, so Dean having a nightmare about her death leads into the reveal that no, Lucifer did not kill her the moment the rift closed: she’s still alive and, moreover, Lucifer is hellbent on her staying that way.

What else will you be proven wrong about, Dean Winchester? <3

5. Does He Have Wings?

The brothers wake up and we get a closeup of Dean picking up his gun. Yeah, he won’t be deterred by some freak power show, they’ve dealt with those before, and he is clearly hellbent on finding Jack. There will be no asking first-shooting later - that kind of power isn’t messed with, it’s put down before it can kill anyone.

The cut on Dean’s lip intrigues me. He keeps touching it, it gets worse, then heals up, and at the end of the episode Mary has a cut in the exact same place after Lucifer hits her. There’s a visually established link between Dean and Mary in this episode. She was always an incredibly strong mirror for him, so this is bound to be meaningful later on. What’s lovely is that she remains a Cas mirror as well, stuck in her own Purgatory.

6. Nature Child

I love this shot of Jack’s feet walking in earth and dried pine needles, Jack surrounded by the forest. It feels organic and non-threatening, Jack sussing out this planet of ours with every new step he takes, and it’s even a subtle link to Cas and how he loves nature.

7. Pirate Pete’s Jolly Treats

Seriously, though. Seriously. We have a fast food joint with its menu changed by a blue-eyed and dark-haired Cas-on-the-outside/Dean-on-the-inside mashup of mischievousness. There is a joyful wink here that is not even subtle anymore and there are no fucks given and I love it. Please let it continue. (I have zero doubt that it will but, as ever, I could be wronggg)

High Seas Butt Combo is probably my favourite, but the buttshake has such a nice ring to it, too.

Now, Clark is a delight whatever view you take on him. Either he’s a guy with a wicked sense of humour and buckets of self-assurance who goes wide-eyed and looks rather delighted at the sight of a naked dude - or he’s all those things and just rather amazed at a dude without a stitch of clothing repeating the word “father” into his intercom. Whatever else there is, at the very foremost, there will most likely be friendship here as it seems Clark reappears in 13x03.

Clark calls his mom -->

8. Sheriff Barker

*insert other people’s brilliant meta on the FUCKING MUG*

The FUCKING MUG could be a plant of the place itself, that something big will happen later on in the season in the spot where the rift occurred, where Jack was born and where Cas died. Kind of a significant place to remember the name of… Then again, they could easily plant it in dialogue or just bring up “the place where Cas died” so… Very very very visual plant of that mug. Or perhaps Phil Sgriccia is selling these mugs on eBay and is making a not so subtle product placement… (goes to check eBay to immediately endorse) (I’m a sucker for a good mug)

9. “Cas is…”

Look at that big beautiful body of water (rebirth) and the mountains (knowledge) and that lone white sailboat in the middle of it. Just so pretty, if you ask me.

Dean: We still have holy oil, right? Sam: For what? Dean: ‘Cause we’re gonna have to hit him with everything we’ve got. Sam: Hold on a second. Can we just talk about what happened back there? Dean: Sure, which part? Let’s see - Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is… mom’s gone, and apparently the Devil’s kid hit puberty in thirty seconds flat. Oh, and he tried to kill us. Sam: Yeah, because you shot at him. Dean: I tried to kill the monster, Sam, it’s kinda what we do. Sam: We don’t know what he is yet, Dean, and I had it under control. Dean: I’m sorry, are you defending the son of Satan? Sam: I’m not defending anything. I’m just saying, look, with everything that’s happened I’m obviously spun out also, but we need a plan. Dean: Yeah - kill him. That’s the plan. Look, right now all that matters is finding him and ending him before he hurts anybody else. Now, once we do that we’ll figure everything else out. Sam: What about Cas? Is he really dead? Dean: You know he is.

Ohhhh Dabb, the evil man. I’m sure there’s a ton of coda after the weekend (I’ve glimpsed one or two!), but wow, Dabb left out the scene of the brothers going back outside before going after Jack, both of them standing on that sand, by Cas’ body, taking in those wings in daylight, Sam maybe just double checking for a pulse or any sign of life, Dean… well, I think he’d still be just blankly staring because it’s starting to sink in.

Then Dean lifting Cas in his arms and bringing him inside while Sam goes and gets that sheet to cover him with. Oh, my heart. This is where that “You know he is” from Dean stems from, right? Yeah. They moved him inside and they know that there’s nothing they can do. Sam still holding out the smallest hope and Dean feeling it deep inside, that this is it. He’s lost Cas. And nothing else matters, as this entire episode demonstrates to us.

*mind* *so* *fucking* *blown*

Here’s the thing. In this my most recent long ass episode deconstruction I talk about how Castiel entering Dean’s life sets about a change, sets about a sudden need for self-examination, because Dean’s attraction to Cas is undeniable even to him and, to be honest, looking at that small smile in 4x05, he looks like he just might be in the first stages of falling in love. And the point of the love story (of any love story) is to push character progression. To make Dean need something more out of life, which will lead to him slowly daring to hope for more, because the need inside is taking over and is overriding any fear of the possible fallout.

Shooting that grenade launcher and tearing down that wall at the beginning of 12x22, which lead directly into him letting Sam go off and lead a mission before turning around and confronting/forgiving his mother, was a leap and a bound for Dean’s individual arc. What I’m getting at is that the above dialogue ties back into the image of Mary burning on the ceiling and Dean’s loss of hope. He is so fucking bitter, right? “I tried to kill the monster, Sam, it’s kinda what we do.”

It’s like - okay, so this is my only function on this Earth: to kill. Well, then, let me kill. I’ll kill anything and right now what needs killing is this thing related to the fucking Devil. This is all I am, right? This is all I’m meant to be or meant to have.

What is so remarkable about this dialogue is that Sam is subtly, but firmly, standing his ground, just as he did in 12x20 when they had the whole Cas-isn’t-himself exchange, where Dean was spun out of his head with fear, and Sam just did not see the situation in the same light at all. Sam gets to even make the awesome statement “and I had it under control.” Fuck yes, you did, Sam - you’re in control of this situation and Dean is spiralling through his anger-fuelled denial of his grief, wanting a target to blame and having it.

I love you, Sam Winchester.

Dean’s face after he says “finding him and ending him before he hurts anybody else” is also telling of where his head is at and who that anybody else is in relation to. (yes it’s Cas who got hurt)

And then they’ll figure “everything else” out - as in what to do about Cas’ body that they left behind in that house.

And then, of course, we get the lens flare to end all lens flares.

I mean, when the fuck has this colour not been used in a situation related to Cas and now they are fucking undeniably tying it to Cas by having it flare TO CAS’ FUCKING NAME. *they will murder us all* *balls so fucking out and dangling in all their glory*

The rest is under the cut. It got long. *smiles in friendliest manner*

10. North Cove

Take note. I have a feeling the name of this place will be on the final exams. ;)

11. Heaven Divided

Cas lying dead on a table will haunt me forever.

So they establish that there is a side of Heaven still on Cas’ side, and one side that is decidedly not.

*hands clapping ecstatically*

The Decidedly Not side calls Kelly “the brood mare”, the more Empathic Angel clearly aggravated by it. It’s established they want Jack and when the Decidedly Not angel mutters that of course Jack’s gone, looking down with something like disgusted disappointment at Cas before covering him up again, we get this expression from the Empathic Angel as Decidedly Not moves off:

Now, she actually looks smugly pleased here, right? Like she’s happy her companion doesn’t suspect what she’s really up to. I’ve no spec to add because I’ve no fucking clue what this means, but Heaven being up to old tricks doesn’t feel too far-fetched. Wether it’s tricks for the good or tricks for the worse remains to be seen. It is doubly-intriguing that the angel looking like she’s up to misbehaving is the angel empathic to Cas, thinking he “deserved better”. This expression is also linked to Jack, though, and the fact that he’s gone: is she looking pleased because Jack slipped through their fingers? Or are there bigger things afoot here… We shall just have to wait and see!

12. There Is No Such Thing as Weird

I mean, this just made my fucking day for the rest of the fucking year. My brain, my head, my soul and my heart - forever singing praises, because yes. If nothing else had given me the balls out feels, this would be the moment that I just went holy fuck they are making a fucking statement right here and right now because THIS IS WHAT THE SHOW HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT. And this made me feel they are bringing it to the forefront now. This is what this season will be dealing with: no more black and white, all of it glorious shades of grey all over.

Honesty.

Ie. BOOM SHAKALAKA: curtain drawn back and look at the truth of us.

Sheriff Barker: There is no such thing as weird. Everyone’s normal in their own way.

I do so adore you, Andrew Dabb.

I was so happy when Jack said that Kelly is in Heaven. She sacrificed herself out of love because she had such faith in him, she felt his goodness surge through her when he saved her life, and I will continue to believe he saved her life out of the love she’d already taught him, rather than blind self-preservation - and the same when he killed Dagon. That’s why the flash he gave Kelly of Cas stepping in front of her contained the dialogue “You get away from her” rather than “You get away from them.” But I shan’t digress. I’m just happy she’s in Heaven.

And “the bad woman burned”. Dagon as representative of evil in 12x19 is no surprise, but oh my God how nice to hear Jack label her as such. He remembers the universe screamed, which is amazing exposition for his powers.

I kind of love how there’s such an air of Jody around Sheriff Barker, and definitively a mothering energy as well. I wonder if both mother and son will be a possible addition to Wayward. It’d be such cool beans.

Clark asks Jack what he’s on and we just get Jack being Cas, wearing a tan jacket and just feeling like Cas and it’s amazing. Yeah, it is fucking amazing. And Jack’s hungry —> so fucking human. As in showing his humanity, not foreshadowing anything human for Cas!! (just to be clear)

13. Baby Is So Dirty!!

So the brothers arrive to Jolly Pete’s and it’s Sam’s idea to go check it out, while Dean is being overtly aggravated with the mere idea, right? He sends Sam in alone so that he can call Jody, which I personally think is a pretty amazing sign that the codependency is continuing on its track of crumbling into dust. After the call, Dean sits for a second, reflecting, and since he’s alone he takes the opportunity. (we know what he does - he goes around the corner and prays)

14. Sam and the Butt Combo

This is a well-written, tight piece of exposition right here, but nope, I’m leaving it for now and might come back to it another day because I love Miriam.

On Friday we were all loving the fact that Sam spots that menu and does his Reaction Face to it - his oh, ok, so that happened face. It feels significant for this season. Especially since that menu was created by our walking, talking Cas/Dean in-on-body embodiment.

Also, Jack has the coolest fingerprints in the history of fingerprints.

15. Elsa

Okay, so I sincerely just love this shit. Any Disney reference breathes air into my lungs and mentioning Elsa is… well, it’s fucking significant because shedding your tightly held facade to be free of the idea of what you should be, and be happy with who you’ve been all along, is kinda the point of Dean’s arc.

Now.

Miriam: I punched a wall once. Well, a poster on a wall, but same diff, right? Freshman year I had this roommate - Becky - she had this giant poster of Elsa - you know, from Frozen? And I mean, first: who brings something like that to college? A cartoon, really? Like, hello home school, right? Anyway, Becky was - and I say this in the most feminist, screw the patriarchy way - a giant super-bitch. She’d take things and break things and piss people off and just do whatever she wanted, no matter who it hurt. It’s like the whole world was just Becky to her, you know? Dean: So you punched her poster. Miriam: And lit most of her stuff on fire. I’ve got issues. Sam: Dude, what’d you do to your hand? Miriam: Don’t ask. He’s super-sensitive.

Watch this scene again and watch how Dean reacts to her dissing Elsa, dissing liking cartoons at college age, dissing home schooling, look at how he just relates to fucking ALL of it and how he’s so done with her. He then brings out a bottle of alcohol, takes one swig of it (after fucking praying and getting nothing for it and brutally attacking a sign as a violent outlet for... despair, pent up grief, fury - take your pick), pours the rest on his wound and doesn’t drink a drop more of it, all the while being mostly aggravated with the scantily clad, attractive girl on the opposite side of Baby’s roof.

I mean, I’m just saying that he didn’t ask Sam to get him a burger and he didn’t focus on the fast food right in front of his nose, he barely touched that drink and he’s not for one second seeing this girl as any kind of means of distraction. Idk if we will get coping mechanisms galore in the coming episodes, but personally I would rather he shut himself away in a darkened room and didn’t want to engage with the world at all because what the fuck is even the point? He’ll do the job, but other than that? Meh. (but we’ll see) (and if we do get coping mechanisms HEY that is so all good!)

Baby is like a lie detector. Shit usually gets real around Baby, so no wonder Miriam’s calling out of Dean’s deeper personality traits come out here, as well as the call-out to how he’s super-sensitive. Like whaaaaaat? YES.

Miriam has come to act as exposition for how Dean really feels, rather than how he’s acting. She can see right through him, thanks to being an angel and all, and it’s interesting which buttons she immediately chooses to push.

So I read this dialogue as being a deconstruction of Dean himself:

his non-performing side is tied to the Elsa poster

his toxic masculinity is tied to the super-bitch

the poster got punched

most of super-bitch’s things got lit on fire

And “It’s like the whole world was just Becky to her, you know?” to me is such a resounding uppercut right into the jaw of control freak Dean that I can’t even.

And then Miriam ends her statement with a “you know?” which is so telling, because Dean does know. He hasn’t related to the world in the selfish way Miriam paints it out as, but THAT IS HOW HE IS FEELING RIGHT NOW.

So fucking guilt-ridden and full of self-blame that he can barely even stand it, as always - thinking that if he’d just related to Cas as CAS, rather than him seeing everything through his need to be in control of everything all the time, then perhaps Cas would be alive right now.

But there’s something else there, too - a budding hopelessness, a growing not-giving-a-fuck attitude, and it will be challenged and underlined later by Miriam calling our attention to it with one of the most epic lines of this entire fucking series.

16. Flickering Lights

I had my comrades of the evening giggling like mad because, well, fan fiction territory galore. Flickering lights as Cas and Dean get it on. (I’ve read too little fan fiction to have been clued in on the joke without being enlightened but omfg just hilarious)

Then we get Jack as a fucking Cas-mirror again with “I like it. I like nougat.” (“I like emojis” and his literal way of communication just… omfg yes, because this Castiel is not the one coming back from the Empty. I believe we will get a more focused, BAMF Cas back who will have a mission and who will be completely dedicated to it, but he’ll still be Cas, with all the lessons he’s learned thus far.)

And we get Dean-mirror Clark (I’m sorry but his last name is Barker and… I mean, dogs bark and… there’s a whole lot of inference that can be made here but… okay just so amazing), who began the sequence at the police station with soft judgement of Jack’s sanity, to moving into assuming he’s high - and connecting with that behaviour - to now calling Jack “magic”. Such a Dean trajectory of rejection->acceptance. I raise my hands and applaud.

Jack is adorable. ^^^^

And here comes the angel radio and yes, absolutely, such a Dean and Cas first meeting callback that I almost want to lie down and cry and cry because just yessss please. All of the S4/S5 callbacks!! (all the callbacks) (from all over!!) (please)

And Sam tasers Jack in the back, which tells us electricity actually knocks this powerful being out cold and it must be linked to his humanity, right? (we’ll see if this is used by Dean)

17. Honesty

This is one of the most amazing scenes they could’ve given us this early on. This entire episode is telling us that this show is taking a turn for something wholly fresh, right? I mean, this is also Dean being so fucking done with putting on a performance - he does not CARE anymore - but it still sets the precedent for this season dealing with honesty and truthfulness and open fucking communication in completely new ways. *crossing fingers that it is so*

Sheriff: So what’re you, some kind of superhero? Dean: I’m just a guy doing a job.

Holy fucking hell does he not think of himself as a hero right now. He is so broken. Any semblance of a performance has left him. More than that, he is giving “the talk” in a completely straightforward way, and though it’s because every ounce of hope has left him, this is still an adult sat opposite that sheriff. Dean is all grown up.

Dean: So, Jack is a nephilim. He’s half-human, and half-angel. Angels are real, too.

HIS FAAAAAACE.

Crack goes my aching heart. Jensen Ackles breaks us every time!!

18. That’s Not His Name

This scene between Sam and Jack is golden in so many ways. Both Jared Padalecki and Alexander Calvert bring such heart to it. Dabb has written it with tension and moments of respite that create a fucking amazing flow and the exposition is just beautifully handled.

Also - Jack is one BAMF.

And Sam, though of course having a slightly ulterior motive for wanting to keep Jack on his side, is still able to relate to Jack on an emotional and intelligent level. (I’m not calling Dean stupid) (he’s spun out and just completely compromised by it at the moment is all)

Jack: I was scared, and when I get scared, things happen. I can’t stop them. Sam: Why were you scared? Jack: Because of the voices. They were so loud, so angry.

So, not a great first impression of Heaven, then. (yay!) Also, Jack’s fear informs the manifestation of his powers. But, there’s more. Jack switches mode from being on alert to sitting cross-legged and relaxing, surprising Sam by asking if he’ll tell “them I’m sorry.” Meaning the sheriff and Clark, of course.

Sam: Jack, how are you-…? How are we talking right now? I mean, you’re not even a day old, how do you speak English? Jack: My mother taught me. Sam: So you talked to her? Jack: I was her. Sam: Okay, and your… powers. Did she teach you those too or…? Jack: No, I… I don’t know why these things happen. It’s like I’m me, but not me. Sam: Jack. Look, before you were born you opened up a door to another world. Do you remember that? Jack: Yes. Sam: Okay, um, could you do that again? Jack: I don’t, I… I have to find my father. He’ll protect me. Sam: Jack, you gotta listen to me. That’s not really what Lucifer does. Jack: Lucifer? No, that’s not his name. My father is Castiel. Sam: What? Jack: My mother, she said Castiel, he would keep me safe. She said the world was a dangerous place. That’s why I couldn’t be a baby, or a child. That’s why I had to grow up fast. That’s why I chose him to be my father. Where is he? Sam: He’s dead.

Okay --> Holy Graal of Exposition.

So I read this as Jack not “talking” to Kelly meaning that he felt what she felt, he heard her thoughts - he was her, and she was him.

How I interpret this scene is then that there’s a clear difference between:

Jack talking about his powers and appearing unsure

Jack talking about opening up that door, remembering it, and looking somewhere between disliking the memory and threatening pain if Sam pushes him further

Jack talking with ease and softness about Kelly

This differences underline for me how much Jack loved his mother, his love informed by how much she loved him because he was her, he was kept safe in that love.

“It’s like I’m me, but not me” is extremely intriguing, however. This meta writer - and most meta writers I know - well, we’re pretty much assuming Jack will go bad at some point and this might be key to that switch.

Perhaps Jack is the one under threat of control. I always figured he’d be manipulated (like Christ was tempted by Satan before being put on the cross) but what if this is why he needs protecting? He can’t control his powers and, if someone finds the key, his powers might end up controlling him, especially since he’s connected to everything (he heard the fucking universe scream) (I’m crossing fingers it’s Michael who gets his greasy paws on him) (it.would.be.so.amazing!!)

Jack remembers opening up the rift, but I maintain that if he’s not in control of his powers now, then he did not open up that rift intentionally.

However, he knows it was a bad thing to happen and whatever sensation is linked to it reminds him of his need for protection, reminds him of his mission to find his father. So the thought of the rift makes Jack immediately feel exposed, in need of protection and, most probably, guidance by his father.

Yeah, we screamed the bloody house down, you’d better believe it, at Jack actually fucking stating in dialogue that his father is Castiel, not Lucifer.

I mean, Dabb is not pulling any punches here, naming Lucifer and having Jack reject him as his father figure - he flat out in episode one rejects his birth father - and stating that he has chosen his father, and his father is Castiel.

(there are candles burning right now) (candles of fragrance and love on my altar of worship)

My longer 12x19 meta is grounded in Kelly as the Good Mother and Cas as the Good Father Figure and as concepts they sound almost ridiculously archaic, but my point was that the narrative of 12x19 circles the theme of Good vs Evil through Cas/Dagon-Luci and Kelly/Dagon-Luci, as well as the theme of parenthood so prevalent throughout the entirety of S12. So to all of Jack’s declarations - hell yes and please and thank you!

And now his father figure and protector is dead. Jack isn’t too happy about that. He looks downright vengeful. (common ground with Dean…) (*crossing fingers*)

19. Frigging Angels

So, honesty saves the day and the sheriff is about to let them go without a fuss - to Sam’s astonishment. Yup, a whole new world, Sam.

Dean: So, let’s grab Damien here and find someplace quiet.

Dean is just going to literally kill this newborn being without any hesitation and without asking any questions based solely on the principle that anything non-human falls in the category of monster and has to die. Okay, fine, Jack is the son of Lucifer but HELLO DEAN HELLO! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ALL YOUR LESSONS!!??

Oh, right, this is a callback to the beginning so we’ll realise how far you’ve come. Okay, alright. What was it that began blurring those black and white lines between the good and the monstrous of the world again?

…. Hmmmm, let me think.

Oh, right, it was Castiel coming into his life.

There is so much in season four, but the most prominent thing is this movement into focusing the question that has always been a part of the show:

What makes a monster and what makes a man? (yes I’m quoting The Hunchback of Notre Dame) (shut up)

And now we get to glimpse Dean as he was, so that when Cas comes back the contrast will be un-fucking-mistakable. (I’ve no doubt) (but disclaimer I could be wrong because that ^^^ is spec)

And Miriam makes her reappearance in this sequence! Restating:

Miriam: I don’t know what he’s told you. I mean, I can guess. Some line about how he and his brother “save the world”? Grr. So macho. But really, he’s not a hero. He’s Becky. You take things and break things and piss people off and just do whatever you want no matter who it hurts. Also, you’re a giant super-bitch. So yeah, you’re Becky. And Becky needs to die.

So, here - instead of the Elsa reference and a super-sensitive comment, Miriam calls out performing!Dean with her “Grr. So macho” line. And it ties in with how little macho manly man performance is left in Dean, because of what comes next: “You take things and break things and piss people off and do whatever you want no matter who it hurts.”

And his face tells us what?

He looks like he agrees with her. And he doesn’t even offer up the smallest protest. Because he knows she’s right, and that’s why he didn’t tell the sheriff that he and Sam save the world - he told her the exact opposite, downplaying their importance and making what they do sound like they’re part-time plumbers. He does not think of himself as a hero. Not at all.

The macho bravado of his toxic masculinity has slipped off him with all this loss. He’s thought of himself as Grr-so-Macho because it’s him as the hammer, it’s him on a mission, it’s him with a purpose, and he’s always put himself last, everyone else first, never thinking about himself - even saving Sam has usually meant putting his own life on the line, because Dean has never known who to be without his brother to protect - never expecting to have a future, and now, with the loss of Cas, he understands exactly how big a lie all of that has always been, because he’d started wanting more, had started hoping for more, and now that hope is gone.

There is no normal after watching the man you love die.

And what Miriam is still pushing on here, but even harder than across the roof of Baby, is the guilt of it all, as well as the forever burning thought in his head that he doesn’t deserve better, doesn’t deserve more, that this is what always happens because it’s what needs to happen - he’s one of the Becky’s of the world, selfish and reckless and this is what happens when you can’t work with others, when you can’t open up, when you can’t trust. And love is pain and has always been nothing but pain. There is no happy for Dean Winchester, not ever and good things just don’t happen to him. Or, at least, they don’t last.

But here’s the most epic fucking line ever spoken on this show:

Becky needs to die.

The version of Dean with a poster on the wall and a bitchy attitude needs to go the fucking way of bye-bye. No more dual identity. No more Batman-superhero moments.

It’s time to embrace change, Dean Winchester, and stop with the blame game and the guilt trip and allow this grief to take hold and allow it to evolve you into the type of man who, when the love of his life returns to him, will not hesitate to show him how much he means to him. *crossing fingerssss*

(Okay, there might be tentativeness and Thelma and Louise moments of awkwardly trying to suss out where he stands, but this time I hope that Dean will not be deterred by Cas’ deep frowns and questioning expressions, but rather Dean will step in there and dare to be himself and show Cas who he really is and that he wants to spend time with him. It’ll lay the foundation for Cas’ real transformation... But I’ll write another post about that.)

Also, Becky needs to die to make way, make way, for Team Free Will!

So, now in this sequence of scenes we learn that Jack can’t be blasted away.

And Dean learns that Jack can’t bring Cas back. After Dean’s already prayed to Chuck for help and gotten no answer. So yeah. Ow.

Miriam: …Because Beiber in there, he can do almost anything. Dean: Anything? Miriam: Oh, sweet. Almost anything. Castiel - he’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.

And she gets free by pressing her finger hard on that guilt button.

Miriam stabs Jack with an angel blade - doesn’t kill him or even hurt him.

(Dean is mentally taking notes)

Speculation: I mean, it seems pretty probable that Dean is going to try and extract Jack’s grace, right? Somehow use that spell? For Dean it’d be a win-win if he gets to know and like Jack, because extracting the grace means no more nephilim power fucking up the world, but Jack gets to live. I just wonder if Dean will still be suspicious by the time Cas comes back and if this will be a source of external conflict between them. I think that could be fantastic, especially since Cas so expressly will come back on a mission to protect Jack.

20. The Bench

I mean COME ON DABB!! The callback to end all fucking callbacks when Cas, sat on a bench, professes he has questions and doubts and states that he’s not a hammer (he doesn’t WANT to be a weapon and omfg Cas I love you) and we get our first smile from him. Jesus Christ on a tortilla, that first glimmer of humanity. So delicious.

Sam wants to take Jack back to the bunker and Dean agrees. Sam is surprised.

Sam: So you… changed your mind? Dean: No. No, nothing’s changed. He’s still the Devil’s kid, he’s still evil, he still brainwashed Kelly and Cas, and even if he hasn’t gone Big Bad yet, he will. Sam: You don’t know that. Dean: Yeah, I do. Since when have things ever gone right for us? So until I figure out a way to end him, we bring him home. At least there the only people he can hurt are you and me.

So while Jack is sitting, pensive and Cas-like giving us a visual link to our first human moment with him, Dean is going on and on about his mistrust of Jack. Two conflicting messages and I Wendy I Wanda which one we’re meant to take to heart.

Thing is, we know more about Jack than Dean does at this point, and so does Sam. Sam doesn’t know one hundred percent how to handle Jack or how much of an allegiance they’ll have with him, but his compassion is real, and he’s seen Jack the way we’ve seen him.

Dean is wrong when he mistrusts Jack based solely on him being the son of the Devil - it’s narrow-minded and complete bullshit and not what this show is about. It’s a mindset the brothers have moved out of, which got them in trouble with the BMoL to begin with.

But Dean is right when he assumes Jack will go dark side. He will go Big Bad because it’s in the cards for him and for TFW.

What gives me such a thrill of hope for the future is that Dean, in the first episode of the season, calls out his own lack of trust in anything ever going right for them. I hope the narrative is about to give us a slow series of events to prove him completely wrong. (but I could be wrong about that reading) (I would just love it and it falls in line with everything else they’re giving us) (oh believe me things will get dark and fucked up before they go right) (but I have faith that they will go right in the end)

What’s both horrible and good about him saying “At least there the only people he can hurt is you and me” is that, yes, it shows he really doesn’t give one fuck anymore about anything, even keeping Sam safe, but it also shows he doesn’t care about keeping Sam safe.

Sam just suggested that they bring Jack to the bunker and Dean is acknowledging Sam’s choice and allowing Sam to take his own responsibility for the consequences.

Smack down brodependency. Brodependency SMACK DOWN.

Die Becky die die die!! ;)

(I know there was a character on this show named Becky but I’m sure there are miles of thoughts on her and how Dabb choosing that name so very specifically might just be a not so subtle pointer to stuff so I’ll do a reblog of that topic instead)

Sam also clearly realises how low Dean actually is. He wants to say something, but Dean gets up and it’s time to go.

21. Lake House

Back at the lake house (can’t get over how Baby is so incredibly dirty and so miserable) (aw Dean) Sam tries to coax Dean into waiting to burn Cas, instil some tiny sliver of hope in him, suggesting they pray to Chuck, and Dean bites off “Don’t you think I’ve tried that” and I think we collectively fell into a heap of feels. Seriously, this was a clutch each other and hold on for dear life moment.

Dean fucking praying to God. Which we’d already heard him doing in the teaser they released, but still! Here it is!!

I can’t attack this scene in less than half a page. There is so much here. There is so much pain and need and anger and he even begs him. Twice. Dean begins with saying “I need your help” and moves into “us” when he accuses God for up and leaving them. But it’s ok - the bunching himself together with Sam - because it’s needed here. Dean’s praying for the both of them, for everything they’ve lost.

And oh did I mention earlier a lens flare to end all lens flares? Well, what do you know? They give us ANOTHER ONE! A fucking rainbow. And rainbows in this narrative - as far as I know and as far as this visual underlines - are completely linked to God.

The fact that the scene is entirely framed by how it’s time to burn Cas’ body makes the prayer - for Dean - take on a whole new meaning, no matter that he’s praying for both himself and Sam.

“We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.”

Are you... serious, Dabb?? (he is) (he so clearly is)

The flashback ends and Dean tells Sam “God’s not listening. He doesn’t give a damn.”

But he clearly does give a damn. His sign is right there in a visual plant!

And we all went, ohhhh. Will Chuck make an appearance in the Empty? It does make the most sense, tbh. Cas is in the fucking Empty, for crying out loud, from whence there is absolutely no return. So God appearing because his grandson needs a Guardian, a guardian said grandson himself has chosen, kinda makes sense, because who else can restore Cas’ burned out grace and send him back? But we’ll see! Cas might still meet himself in the Empty, tbh, with Chuck there. Either way, it seems the most logical that Cas will get to make a choice. Or will he? .... We’ll know in a few weeks!! :P

22. Kelly

Jack says goodbye to his mother, placing a hand delicately on her feet and it’s such a beautiful sign of respect and I’d look up the deeper meaning if I wasn’t already twelve pages into this meta. I’ll reblog and reblog gifs with reams of intriguing tidbits, I’ve no doubt! Such a gorgeous visual and, to me, underlining of how Jack truly loved his mother. (as ever, the artwork on the wall as Jack enters the room is eye-catching and those stormy seas with the sunlight breaking through dark clouds give me good feels, must say)

23. Cas

Yes. I cry. And I cry. And we all cry at this scene. I didn’t cry the first time around, I was way too overwhelmed by amazement that we even got this incredible visual and Jensen giving us one of those subtle, heart wrenching moment-upon-moments that is just… There are no words. What can I say about this scene that hasn’t already been said?

Dean steps in through that door almost as though he’s questioning if Cas will be there, leading with his head, not wanting to hope, but hoping all the same because every other time… But there’s the sheet, and there’s Cas underneath it. And the wide angle shot is so beautiful. Dean sighs. Like he’s been holding his breath with the hope and now… gone. No more. And he looks away, because it’s just too much. And then he looks, and it’s real and all of it is just so damn visceral. FUCK. And when Dean almost breaks down. When he has to stop, like he has that pain in his chest that makes you feel like your ribs are caving in… and he closes his eyes and he bends his head before he looks up at Cas again… And he knows he will be the one to wrap Cas’ body, there are no two ways around it, and he does it and it’s just... FUCK!

24. Pyre

They burn Cas and Kelly at sundown. Yes, so fitting. And Sam teaches Jack about how humans say goodbye. Also so fitting. And Dean says goodbye and we all just want to lie on a pyre as well. Sam says that they don’t know if Mary’s dead, and Dean says that yes they do, linking back to his nightmare at the beginning of the episode.

To him, Mary is gone, and he doesn’t even feel the urge to try to fight to bring her home, to find a way. I’ve mentioned it before, but his line “No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets - you gotta keep grinding” when he and Sam were hunting for Cas lends this such weight.

Dean has never been here before.

He’s a fighter, but now the fight has gone out of him, and he may keep grinding for the sake of it, but hoping that the grinding will lead somewhere good is done and dusted. At least according to Singer, who said Dean will carry on doing the job but will suffer bouts of “inertia” - which is another word for apathy, which is wholly connected to depression. I am just so fucking HAPPY!! *sadism*

The way the pyre is reflected in Dean’s pupils. Yeah. Fuck you, Phil Sgriccia!! <3

25. The Devil You Know

Mary and Lucifer in the AU will be interesting. I love that they might have to try and survive together and that Lucifer sees the potential in keeping her alive. Again, there’s that visual link between Dean and Mary with the cut on their bottom lip and I’m really looking forward to seeing how they’ll use it and if they use it and when and why and how! Oh, but wait - Lucifer has a cut in the exact same spot as well. Curiouser and curiouser.

Final comments: I mean, what more could we want from this episode? I don’t think we could want anything more from this episode. Balls out with the love story because Dean’s entire appearance in this episode have to do with Cas, brodependency barely existent anymore, Jack is fucking perfection, all out orgasmic setup for what’s to come this season and the intimate moments that give us so much character are, as ever, to simply die for. I can’t wait for this week’s episode. OMFG WE HAVE A NEW EPISODE IN LESS THAN A WEEK! THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE NOW! CONGRATULATIONS - WE SURVIVED HELLATUS!! Now we just have to keep from biting our nails down between each new instalment. :P

Next time I’ll do a pure gif-post. Thanks for sticking with me throughout another long ass meta! ;D

#spn meta #long ASS FUCKER #spn 13x01 #13x01 meta #spn s13 spec #dean winchester #sam winchester #cas #destiel #jack the nephilim #mary winchester #lucifer #clark barker #headcanon

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buttercream-me-up · 7 years

Text

Q&A Confessions // Conor Maynard

Word Count: 1808

Summary- You and your best friends film a Q&A, and it doesn’t exactly go as originally planned.

Warnings; N/A

A/n; School is starting soon, ugh! I’m trying to finish all these imagines by Tuesday, because once school starts it’s going to be hard to write. I’ll do my best to keep uploading, though. Feel free to keep sending requests as well, they just won’t be posted as frequently.

Requested; Yes.

req; Sorry I accidentally sent it before finishing it 😂 Can you write an imagine where the fans ship the character and Connor, and they secretly like each other but Connor thinks she has a crush on Joe because they're inseparable, so he gets surprised and becomes speechless when she turns to him and asks him "When are you going to ask me out?" in a Q&A video they film with the squad after reading a fan's question about that.

You laughed as Joe reminisced with you a childhood memory of the two of you back in primary school, and entered his flat, where the boys were already situated. You’d planned a night in with all the boys, but Caspar, being the klutz he was, managed to drop the case of beers you’d bought for the boys and smashed all the bottles. To say everyone was mad at Caspar was an understatement, You and Joe, being the ‘heroes’ of the group, had volunteered to run out to get last minute replacements, and you’d just returned.

You and Joe had known each other since birth, your mother being old friends with his. You were quite close with Zoe as well, the three of you considered yourselves as siblings, even if you were in no form related to the Suggs, you may as well have been, because you and Joe were basically twins in everything you did. From starting school together, to starting your YouTube channels together, and everything in between. You had common interests, talents, and overall were the same people, but opposite gender.

The fans knew this, and despite shipping you and Joe for some time, and being shut down by the two of you saying how you considered each other siblings in a Q&A, had finally moved on. Joe was returned to be considered for his previous ships, Jaspar and Joeck, while you hadn’t been shipped with anyone for awhile. Until recently, that was. Conor had asked you to sing a song with him for his channel, and to say the fans enjoyed it was an understatement. The new ‘buttercream’ ship was created, Y/N & Conor. Even the other boys shipped the two of you, and you didn’t mind at all.

You liked Conor, you really did. His voice was incredible, his sense of humor endless, his protective nature with Jack and Anna was heartwarming, not to mention he was really damn hot. The problem was, he seemed very uninterested or unwilling to be in a relationship. More often than not, you’d find yourself and him shooting flirty comments back and forth, but it never became much more than that. It was unfortunate, but it was life.

“Alrighty boys, now that we’ve got some refreshments, we have a video to film!” You announced, holding up your beer. Cheers were passed around, and the group situated around the couch. Conor, Joe, You, Jack, and Josh were sitting on the couch, while Mikey, Oli, and Caspar were sat in the front of the couch, on pillows, in between the gaps between your legs. Byron didn’t want to be in the video, but he said he would pop in occasionally. He started the camera for you, and with a wave, left the room. You all bid him goodbye, and you smiled as you were surrounded with your best friends, doing what you all loved to do.

“Alright, everyone! Welcome back to my channel!” You started, smiling brightly and waving, doing your typical intro. “Today I’m joined with a few losers, you might know them.” A bunch of “heys!” followed, and you smirked. “Just kidding. You may know these boys; Conor, Josh, Joe, Jack, Mikey, Oli, and Caspar!” You said, pointing to each one as you introduced them. “Byron couldn’t make it today, but he’s here somewhere. Anyways!” You said, clapping your hands together, making Joe and Jack, who were both next to you, jump. “Jeez, Y/N!” Joe said, putting a hand over his heart dramatically.

“Anyways!” You repeated, ignoring them. “We’ve all tweeted, snapchatted, and posted on our Instagrams, telling you guys to ask us questions using the hashtag askthebuttercreams, and today we’re going to be doing a big Q&A!” You said, proudly. “Let’s get right into the video, because this one is probably going to be very long because there are so many of us, but I’ll probably spend at least 3 hours editing so it’s a reasonable video.” You did a quick transition, and began the questions.

So far it had been going smooth, you all took turns asking and answering, you only being asked little questions like how you met, and little questions for certain buttercreams. Nothing terrible. “Alright, I’ve got the next one!” Jack announced, smirking. He scrolled through his twitter and picked a random tweet. You looked at him with raised eyebrows, waiting. “Lovingthebuttercreams96 asked, Why haven’t Joe and Y/N began dating yet? Come on, their chemistry is undeniable!” He read, frowning. You sighed, Jack said “Sorry, should’ve read it first.” “It’s fine, we should’ve just assumed it would be here. I’ll just edit this in between stuff out.” You said, repositioning yourself to prepare to answer. You failed to notice Conor’s immediate frown and discomfort, as he sent a glare Jack’s way, but recomposed himself when you began to answer.

“Okay guys, We’ve said this a bunch of times. We love you all, but please, Joe and I will never be in a relationship. I do not fancy him in any way shape or form, nor does he for me. We’ve discussed this personally, and we are basically siblings. I’ve grown up with both the Suggs, and they’re my second family. I could never see myself in a relationship romantically with Joe.” You said, side-hugging Joe and leaning your head on his shoulder. “It’s true, Y/N and I are basically the same person, everyone, including ourselves, think we’re twins. We may come from different families, but the way we grew up, we may as well have been twins. We appreciate your support, but it’s not happening.” Joe added, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

While this was being explained, Conor instantly felt guilty. He’d always had a massive crush on you; he could easily say he’d never felt anything for anyone like the way he felt when he laid eyes on you. Every time felt like the first. He got butterflies just watching you do simple things like vlogging or talking to him. He always thought he never had a chance, though, because of the undeniable chemistry with Joe. He’d known you said multiple times how it wouldn’t happen, but he couldn’t help but believe you fancied Joe. Now, he just felt stupid.

“Okay, I guess it’s my turn, and we’ll end the video after because this is already going to take me hours to edit.” You said, and the boys nodded in agreement. “Let’s see..” you muttered, scrolling and tapping on a random tweet. You smirked when you read the name of the twitter account, and locked eyes with Conor, a mischievous grin on your face. Jack and Joe both, in sync muttered a quick “ooooh.” “Oh god.” Conor said, pulling a terrified face and showing the camera. He sat up straight, with perfect posture. “I’m ready for my closeup!” He said, in one of his weird voices.

You laughed, and shook your head. “Alright, Conor. This question is from ccoonoorrmaynard. Wow thats some good spelling. Anyways, they ask, “Why haven’t you asked out Y/N yet?”” You froze, your cheeks flaring, you were not expecting that. Clearly, none of the other boys were expecting it either. Jack’s jaw almost hit the floor, Mikey was sweating (but then again, he always was), Josh looked like he had to pick a side, Caspar looked oblivious (as per usual), Oli had wide eyes, Joe looked at you worried as he knew about your crush on Conor, and Conor, you didn’t know how to describe him. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

You were bright red, and you wanted to cry. Obviously Conor didn’t like you; he’d never shown any interest, and you’d just humiliated yourself. “Nevermind.” You muttered, standing up to leave. “I’ll film an outro later.” You said, tears blurring your eyes as you ran out of the room. “Good going, Conor.” Joe said, standing up angrily. “What?” Conor squeaked, shaking his head. He’d zoned out, and now you were gone. “Conor, what the hell? That was your chance!” Jack said, stunned at his brother. “She doesn’t like me back, she was just reading a question.” He said, defeated. “You’re a bloody idiot, you know that? She’s liked you since you met!” Joe exclaimed, slapping a hand over his mouth after. He knew you were going to kill him when you found out he’d told. “Really?” Conor asked, surprised.

“GO!” All the boys yelled in sync, pointing to the balcony where you were crying. He sighed, and did as instructed. “Y/N?” He asked, warily stepping out. “Go away.” You said, but your voice cracked, and Conor instantly knew you were crying. He ran over, and spun you around so you were facing him. His heart broke at the tears running down your cheeks. “It’s nothing.” You muttered, mortified. Conor frowned at the heartbroken look on your face. “You know, I haven’t got the chance to answer that question, yet.” He said, unsure of himself. You looked at him, confused. “What?”

“I haven’t asked you out yet because I’ve been nervous.” He blurted, mentally cursing himself. He probably sounded like an idiot. “You? Nervous? You perform in front of hundreds and thousands of fans while you sing, you post videos online and you’re scared to ask me out?” You asked, ludicrously. “Yeah?” He said, suddenly very confused at your reaction. “Conor, I’ve liked you forever, and we’ve been flirting since day 1. How could I reject you?” You said, amused at how oblivious this boy was.

“You weren’t THAT obvious..” Conor defended, but as he looked back on his conversations with you, he realized it was quite obvious. “Oh.” He said, as he realized how stupid he must’ve looked. “Well, um, Y/N, this wasn’t quite how I was planning to ask, but..” He started, and you shook your head with a smile. You grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him down into a sudden kiss. He was surprised, but wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer, kissing you back passionately. You pulled away, leaning your forehead against his. “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”

“Yes mate!” “Go Conor!” “How do we always manage to save his sorry ass?” You laughed at the boys, especially Jack’s last comment. “Now that that’s settled…” Joe said, winking at you. “C’mon boys, we have a video to finish, and I have a feeling it’s a Nando’s and football night?” You suggested, earning more cheers. As you all re-situated yourselves, Jack and Conor switched positions on the couch and Conor had an arm around your waist, while Joe had one around your arm. You finished the video, and spent the night leaning against Conor’s chest, watching football with Nando’s, with your favorite boys in the world, and you wouldn’t change any of it for anything.

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pllsetskyonice · 7 years

Text

@yuriplisetsky is a size queen

Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky

2,900 words

“What are you talking about?”

“Your Twitter? Your thread that spends about ten tweets waxing poetry about the size of my dick? Everyone’s talking about it, the fans are going crazy, I had Victor ringing me up half an hour ago to ask if it was true and if I really had deflowered Russia’s Fairy like that, and I just – what the hell were you thinking, Yuri?”

In which Yuri gets drunk and Tweets some things he probably shouldn't have.

AO3 link

So @94mercy made this post that headcanoned that Yuri gets drunk one night and talks about the size of Otabek’s dick on social media, and I immediately knew I had to write it. Otherwise known as me just wanting to join in with all the hung!Otabek content that’s been coming out of this fandom in recent weeks.

(Also tagging @daddybek because that’s where this all started back in February)

They’ve been dating for a few months when it happens.

Yuri goes round to Mila’s for a few drinks after practice one day, and they steadily make their way through a bottle of vodka, laughing and talking about their respective partners. The music is loud and Yuri feels all loose and giggly as he reaches for his phone, taking selfies and documenting their escapades on Snapchat. He’s never been this drunk before, so drunk he’s not even sure what order his memories from the last few hours go in, so drunk that he can barely stand, so drunk that the room is spinning.

He sits down and opens Twitter, starting to type. He doesn’t even think about what he’s Tweeting, just starts a thread and keeps on going until he gets it all off his chest. Mila is grabbing at his hands and pulling him up so they can dance together again, and Yuri’s phone lies on the couch, forgotten.

So he doesn’t see what he’s done until morning.

It’s the sound of his phone vibrating loudly on the bedside table that wakes him up. He’s in Mila’s spare bedroom, a small sized room with what feels like the most uncomfortable bed he’s ever slept on, but it evidently didn’t bother him at whatever time he collapsed onto last night. At least he made it into bed, he supposes. That’s an achievement, even if he’s still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

He grabs at his phone, squinting at the screen. It reads 6 AM, and is somehow fully charged, even though he has doesn’t remember plugging it in last night. It’s far too early. Yuri wants nothing more at this particular moment in time than to roll over and go back to sleep to avoid dealing with this hangover from hell, but it’s Otabek that’s calling him, so he supposes that he’d better answer.

“Hello?” he says, his voice sounding all croaky as he unplugs his phone and rolls back onto his back. There’s light streaming in through a gap in the curtains, and Yuri would get up and close them properly, but they’re too far away to deal with right now. Instead, he opts for the easier option: pulling his blankets over his head.

“Yuri, what the fuck?” Otabek asks on the other end of the line. Even in this still half drunk, hungover state, Yuri can tell that this is Not Good. “What were you thinking?”

“What are you talking about?” Yuri replies. He wonders if it’s about his and Mila’s Snapchat stories, but from what he can remember there’s nothing too outrageous on them, just some really bad singing in questionable English to pop songs neither of them like.

Yuri fumbles with his phone, opening Twitter with his phone call with Otabek still active in the background. He doesn’t even need to go onto his profile to see it, it’s all over his timeline. “Oh, shit,” he swears as he scrolls through the Tweets. “I don’t even remember posting any of this. I was so drunk, Beka. So drunk. I’m sorry.”