#if anyone says taylor kelly for anyone else i will laugh so hard | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

favefandomimagines · 3 years

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Oh (e.b.)

Summary: buck runs into his ex fling, taylor kelly, leaving you to feel like nothing but a second choice

AN: inspired by the winter finale of 911

You were a catch. You were smart, had a good job, beautiful. Guys were lining up to date you and yet the man you wanted to be with didn’t want you.

It seemed to everyone around you that the two of you were meant to be but to Buck, it wasn’t that obvious. He didn’t see how you looked at him, didn’t hear how you talked about him. Clearly, he didn’t know how you felt about him.

So, you stuck it out. You put your feelings on the back burner and just decided to be his friend. If he wanted to be with you, he would.

But you couldn’t ignore the feeling in your chest when he told you he was having dinner with Taylor Kelly.

“We got to talking at that call and then Albert said him and Veronica were having dinner and I just, called and asked if she wanted to come.” Buck explained. “And she said yes?” You asked.

“Yeah, she seemed on board. Maybe this is the universe telling me something.” He said. “The universe? You’ve never believed in that stuff.” You told him. “But this is Buck 3.0. I’m all for a change.” Buck answered. “When is this dinner again?” You asked. “Wednesday at 6.” He said.

“Oh.” You muttered quietly. Wednesday was your birthday. And it seemed that Buck was caught up in bettering himself and finding someone that he had completely forgotten about you. But you had enough trying to remind him and get him to see that you were right there the whole time.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you looked at the mug in your hands. “You okay?” He asked. “Uh, yeah. I think I’m gonna head home. I have a long shift tomorrow.” You said, rising from your seat.

“You just got here.” Buck pointed out. “Buck, I just, I gotta go.” You said in a more stern manner. He looked at you with furrowed eyebrows and watched you leave his apartment.

You let out a large sigh as you got in your car before the tears came.

How were you so unlucky that the guy you were head over heels for, wanted someone else? He wanted someone else so much, he forgot about her birthday. When you were right there through everything? You were there through Abby leaving, Ally breaking up with him, the lawsuit against the department, his parents, everything. And yet you were left on the back burner.

You always put his feelings above your own, not because you felt like you should. But because you cared about him and if he was happy, you were happy. Though, the more you thought about it, the more you realized that he sometimes didn’t give you that same courtesy.

Your day was like the day from hell. Everything that could go wrong in your line of work, went completely wrong. To make matters worse, you had lost one of your favorite patients. She had stage 3 leukemia but she never let that change her personality.

She made going to the hospital after shifts worth while because at least you got to spend time with her. But the cancer was too aggressive for the chemo and she died in her sleep that night. You tried not to let losses get to you but she had been your patient since you started volunteering at the hospital. You were really hoping you’d see her remission but the universe had other plans.

All you wanted to do was lay on the couch with Buck and just cry. You got in your car and dialed his number, getting a few rings before he picked up. “Hey, you!” He greeted you. “Hey, do you maybe want to come over later? I’ve had the worst day. I lost a patient and-” You started before he cut you off.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I can’t. I have a date tonight, trying to put myself back out there.” He said. “I can come over after.” He added. “No, forget it. It’s fine.” You said. “You sound upset.” Buck said. “I’m fine, Buck. Enjoy your date.” You replied before hanging up the phone.

Since that evening, you had been avoiding Buck like the plague. On shifts, you wouldn’t talk to him. Sticking to Chimney and Hen like glue to avoid any conversation with Buck.

You went so far to ask to ride in the ambulance to calls, rather than in the fire engine like usual. It wasn’t odd for you to be in the ambulance because you were an EMT but you usually rode with the rest of the team.

“Does anyone know why Y/N won’t ride with us anymore?” Buck asked his crew. “Are you that dumb?” Hen asked. “Hen,” Bobby started. “It’s because of you, dude.” Eddie answered. “Me? What did I do?” Buck questioned. “Well, you blow her off all the time, completely ignore her feelings and ditch her for dates and you’re so oblivious you can’t see that she’s totally in love with you.” Eddie explained. “When you were hurt in the hospital, she didn’t come to work for days because she didn’t want you the throw a clot. She had to work triple shifts just to make enough to pay her rent because of all the days she missed sitting with you. Did you ever thank her for that?” Bobby added. “Well, no, but-” He started.

“And when she lost her favorite patient, Emily, did you ask her if she was okay?” Bobby asked. “I-I couldn’t I had a date. And she didn’t say it was Emily.” Buck said, trying to defend yourself. “If you don’t reciprocate her feelings, that’s fine. But she’s your best friend. And as her best friend, you are supposed to be there when she needs you. She shouldn’t have to explain herself.” Bobby concluded. “You also forgot her birthday.” Chimney added as they all got out of the engine.

The rest of his shift, Buck tried getting you to talk to him. But it was always, ‘I’m busy, Buck’ or ‘Can’t talk, we’re working.’ He’d given up when he tried to stop you after a call and you had given him a look he had never seen before.

The guilt was eating him alive. He was a terrible friend to you and he thought being with you was a pipe dream. Until Hen and Eddie told him you loved him. But regardless of your feelings for him, you had done so much for him and he didn’t realize it until you were gone.

That night, Buck went over to Taylor’s to gain more perspective on what he could do to fix what he royally screwed up.

“I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t talked to me in weeks. We’ve never gone this long without talking.” Buck explained to Taylor.

“Well, you did forget her birthday. And not give it a second thought that she was hurting over the loss of a patient.” She said. “That’s not helping.” He replied. “You asked for my help and I’m being honest. You really hurt her. She almost got evicted because she was so worried about you. The first person she wanted to be with after her friend died was you and you went on a date instead.” Taylor said. “I know. I tried to talk to her but she won’t answer any of my calls or texts. She won’t even look at me anymore.” Buck said.

“You are so stupid sometimes.” Taylor laughed. “What?” Buck asked. “She has feelings for you. Why else would she get so upset? If she only saw you as a friend, you would be getting screamed at not avoided.” She explained.

“Everyone keeps saying that but there’s no way Y/N has feelings for me. She’s...perfect. Perfect doesn’t fall for damaged goods.” Buck rebutted. “Trust me, she loves you.” Taylor told him. “And do you love her?” She asked. “Of course I do. But being with her seemed like it was too good to happen so I tried to move on. I guess I tried so hard I ended up hurting her anyways.” Buck answered.

“Then tell her. And do a whole lot of graveling while you’re at it.” Taylor said.

Buck quickly left the apartment and got into his car driving like a bat out of hell. When he arrived at your apartment, he didn't even bother to park in the parking stall correctly, his main focus was just getting to you.

When he finally reached your door, he knocked on it rather harshly and heard the sound of your urgent footsteps coming to find out who it was.

"Buck? What are you doing here?" You asked. Buck couldn't even find the words to answer because he was more focused on what you were wearing.

You had on a formed fitting red dress, your hair was curled and flowing over your shoulders and you looked beautiful.

"Wh-Why are you dressed like that?" He stammered. "I have a date." You answered. "You have a date? With who?" Buck asked. "Emily's brother. We became close when Emily had chemo and after she died we kept in tough. Why are you here?" You questioned.

"Don't go on the date. Please, for the love of god, don't go on that date. Because I love you, Y/N. I was too stupid to see it until you weren't around anymore. And I was terrible to you. I was supposed to be your best friend and I was so worried about my own life I dnd't even ask you how you were doing and oh my god I missed your birthday." Buck rambled.

"Slow down, Buckley, and talk to me at a normal rate, please." You said.

Buck took a deep breath and looked at you intently. "I'm in love with you. I-I always have but being with you always seemed like a pipe dream because you're perfect. You have always been perfect and you know that I'm not." Buck explained.

"Exactly. I've seen you at your worst and I still love you but even as your best friend you never gave me the time of day. Missing my birthday to go to dinner with Taylor Kelly. Brushing me off after Emily died because you had a date." You laughed bitterly. "I have stood by you no matter what. But god forbid I need you once in a while." You added.

"And I am so sorry, Y/N. You have every right to be upset with me, I'm upset with me. I'm pissed off at myself because I didn't realize what I had until it was too late." Buck replied. "Evan, do you understand the situation you just put me in? I get to go on a date with a great guy, one who actually pays attention and then the man I've been in love with for years, shows up at my doorstep to tell me he loves me back." You started.

Buck's facial expression fell, fearing the worst and anticipating you telling him that you'd moved on and he was too late.

"And I have to call that guy and tell him that I can't make it. Because the person I actually want to be with is right here." You finished.

The light in Buck's eyes returned at your words, looking at you with a gentle smile.

"Really?" He asked. "Yes, really and please don't make me regret it. You've screwed up a lot lately, let's not add us to the list." You said. "So there's an us now?" Buck questioned. "I-If that's okay with you." You stuttered. "It's absolutely okay with me." Buck said with a smile.

"I guess I got all dressed up for nothing." You sighed, letting Buck inside your apartment.

Buck was quiet for a moment as he watched you take your heels off and your earrings, placing them on the table by the door. "Then let's not make it for nothing. Let me take you out on our first official date." He said.

"Besides, I need to see you in that dress more often." He added a smirk on his face. "Alright then, Buckley. Take me on a date. You have a lot to make up for." You smiled, offering him your hand.

Buck took your hand in his, happily, and held you steady as you put your shoes back on. “Trust me, Y/N, it’ll be the best date you’ve ever been on.” He said.

In the moment, you laughed at his words but after the date had concluded and all was said and done, it had indeed been the best date you have ever been on.

#imagine #911 imagine #911 lone star #911 fox #evan buckley #evan buckley imagine #evan buckley x reader #evan buckley oneshot #oliver stark

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wackybuddiemewbs · 2 years

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Random WIP snippets – an ongoing saga no one asked for Part 2

I honestly don't have a good reason for any of this. I'm just vibing with the angst, I guess.

The basic idea for this one:

Buck dared to think that things were finally headed in the right direction after Eddie returned to the 118. Fine, there is the small issue of his unspoken feelings for Eddie. But that, Buck can deal with. He has plenty of practice with that. But his life is turned upside-down when Taylor's friend from New York visits. Because the news story she is digging into hits way too close to home in more than one sense of the term. After all, Buck swore to himself to never go back to that time in his life, to that school the world did such a fine job forgetting about. So why does it have to come back now that he's finally moving forward? Damn it.

Cheers!

“… I’m not trying to set you up.”

Buck grins as he waters the plants on his balcony, holding the phone with his free hand. He knew he’d get this reaction the moment he brought up the topic, but Buck always takes the greatest delight in Eddie’s utter exasperation breaking through the otherwise oh so composed surface.

“Right.”

“Eddie, I swear, I’m not.”

“You swore to me just three days ago that you did not buy Christopher that super expensive drone thing for his upcoming birthday. Only for me to find it at your apartment a day later when we watched the game,” Eddie retorts.

Buck rolls his eyes. He was really mad about that and cussed him out for a good five minutes. Buck had to try so hard not to laugh. And they missed the beginning of the game, which only made Eddie madder in the end.

“And I told you the drone’s camera does not connect to Hildy in any way,” Buck points out.“So chill.”

“And I told you I don’t care. Because that just means I have to get him something else for his birthday now. But that’s not even the point. The point is that you lied to my face, Buck. Why would I believe that you don’t try to set me up?”

Buck rolls his shoulders. “Scout’s honor?”

“You were never with the Scouts.”

“Right, there was that.” He shrugs, then turns to the next plant. “I’m still not setting you up. I have better to do. Like, beat you at birthday gifts. Like it’s hard.”

There is a long sigh on the other end of the line that has him snort.

“I’m just saying, I’m not looking for anyone new and I’d appreciate it if my best friend listened to me at long last,” Eddie huffs, clearly displeased. Not that Buck expected any less. In fact, he prepared to be cussed out by now. Maybe even in Spanish already.

Though that normally comes more towards the end. Like the grand finale.

“I am listening, but you’re not. I’m telling you: I’m not setting you up,” Buck insists, swatting down to get to one of the plants in the far back. “I just think that you ought to see people who aren’t exclusively your family and friends.”

“Which is why you suggested we two have dinner with Taylor Kelly and her lady friend?” Eddie scoffs. And Buck can hearthe disbelieving curl on Eddie’s brow.

“Which is why I’m being so kind to let your sorry ass tag along to a dinner with Taylor and her journalist friend from New York, yeah,” Buck answers. “Because I can guarantee you that neither Taylor nor her friend have anyinterest in you.”

“Well, Taylor is a given, but what if her friend…,” Eddie argues, but Buck cuts him off, laughing, “You’re definitely not her type.”

“Buck.”

Buck straightens back up, blinking against the sunlight. “You have too much appendage. Catch my drift?”

There is a small pause on the other end of the line. Then a deep, exasperated sigh, again. “You could’ve mentioned it right away that she’s into girls, damn it!”

“Well, just because you always have to think about romance doesn’t mean I have to,” Buck teases. “Plus, no need to be that self-centered to believe that all people instantly fall in love with you or want to climb you like a tree. Or both.”

Buck sets the watering can down. He is glad they can talk like that again. That the carefreeness is back. The teasing. The laughter. The phone calls at random. The conversations in-between that are actually nothing and yet mean everything.

For a time, things were very difficult, almost not manageable, hardly bearable. When Eddie momentarily left the 118, it was tough on their friendship. To say the least. They drifted apart. Andeven though they talked over dispatch often for the sake of the job, it felt like they didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. Especially outside the job.

But they eventually got the hang of it, even before Eddie came back. Because they talked, about the big parts, the important bits. There were some tough conversations to be had. About the shooting. About the will. About Christopher’s fear of losing his dad and Eddie’s feelings of guilt for the boy’s struggles.

Because, in the end, the conclusion was as simple as it was hard: Leaving the 118 fixed none of that. They can’t really fix it, but they are managing again. Because they are all talking more, hiding a little less, even though it’s scary at times. To expose the bruised and broken bits.

Plus, Eddie finally found himself a therapist he doesn’t completely hate. And yes, it's Frank. He is still warming up to the idea, but Buck is confident Eddie is getting there. That’s taken a huge burden off of both their shoulders. Because as much as they’d want to at times, they can’t be each other’s therapy. They can support each other, though.

We can have each other’s back, as always.

Eddie huffing on the other end of the line pulls Buck back to the current conversation abruptly. “Oh please.”

“But yeah, she’s much more into lipstick lesbians, as far as I know,” Buck continues. “So you don’t have to worry about her decking you in the kinky way.”

“As relieving and unsettling as that sounds, I still don’t think…,” Eddie tries, but Buck interrupts him again, “C’mon, it’s just a chatty evening. We hang out. We drink. Taylor brings the booze. I cook. Ingrid brings a bunch of stories we don’t yet know, which is surely nice for a change. And it will take your mind off of Ana and everything else that sucked the past couple of months. Because a lot sucked, let’s not kid ourselves. Everyone wins. Especially me since I don’t have to deal with your mopey moping.”

“I don’t have a heartbreak. I broke up with her – and you damn well know why. It’s been months since. And I’m not moping.”

“Eddie, it’s okay to cry into a pillow,” Buck sniggers. “And you can always cry on my shoulder, even if you’re moping. I’m that much of an amazing friend.”

“There’s nothing to cry about, geez.”

Buck shakes his head. “Which is why you will love it to go out with us, loser.”

“I don’t get around this, do I?” Eddie sighs, accepting defeat at long last.

“Bold of you to ever have assumed such,” Buck huffs, amused. “I already talked to Isabel. She’ll watch Christopher that night.”

“Since when do you schedule babysitting sessions with my abuela?” Eddie questions.

Buck shrugs. “Since I brought her flowers that one time, and you didn’t.”

“Because it was no official holiday or birthday.”

“Yeah, and now she loves me more than you.”

“She definitely does not.”

“She’s just too kind to tell you,” Buck snorts. “Anyway. Just dress nice-r than usual and… be there, on time. You’ll have fun. Even if I have to force you.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me,” Buck laughs, leaning over the railing to let the soft breeze catch on his face. “Either way, I’ll talk to you later. I gotta get groceries little time from now. See you tomorrow. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Buck hangs up.

I’m really not setting you up, Eddie. I can promise you. It’s not at all what you think.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“… So the not-at-all-a-double-date is happening?” Taylor asks on the other end of the line.

Buck is settled on his couch, mindlessly sieving through too many shows to watch or bookmark on Netflix. There’s just too many to choose from. And his mind is reeling around dinner anyway. While having Eddie fuss was sure worth it, he starts to feel the nagging doubt of whether this was a good idea.

After all, I don’t have the best record when it comes to smart moves.

“I told you Eddie couldn’t say no to me, even if he tried,” he lets her know. Because yes, it was heroriginal idea. Buck is merely executing it on her behalf´. After all, he still owes her one for that other time he invited her on a date when they were not officially dating.

“Well, you do have the attitude of a petulant child, so that stands to reason,” she snorts, amused.

“Oh, he’s a dad, he’s pretty immune to most puppy eyes, but by now I know what buttons to push.” Buck plays with a loose thread on his sweatpants absently.

“Yeah, keep that in mind when you finally push the buttons to make a move at long last. Preferably before he finds himself the next flower-pattern-dresses-wearing girl of his dreams,” Taylor huffs.

He narrows his eyes. “Taylor, do I have to remind you of the contract?”

“We only agreed on not calling the get-together a double-date, because it isn’t,” she argues. “I’m too smart to sign some nonsense contract.”

“I can call you out on your endless musing about how great Ingrid looked like back when you both studied together, the cute dimples and the big glasses, and her wavy black hair and…,” Buck says, but she cuts him off with a shriek, “Shush now!”

“What? Suddenly afraid of the truth? That’s so unlike you.”

“Uh-huh. So do I have to rewind on the fiasco that was the beginning of the thing with Ana? Because you just couldn’t gather the courageto ask your best friend out on a date like a normal person – so he winded up dating her instead of you? For months?” Taylor huffs.

Buck leans his head back with a sigh. That is definitely something he never should’ve mentioned to her. Taylor is a journalist, after all. She never forgets. And she can be a real pain in the ass about it.

Because yes, that’s where things took a very bad turn for him. He’d missed his chance to make his feelings known to Eddie. Buckdidn’t want to make a big deal out of it back then, though maybe he should have.

It wasn’t like it is in the movies, of the few Buckwinds up actually watching, that is. Buck didn’t just miraculously wake up one morning and realized he was head-over-heels for his best friend.

Though in a way, that’s actually exactly what happened.

Eddie, Chris, and him had beenworking on some diorama for Christopher’s social studies class. It was nothing out of the ordinary, and definitely not the first diorama they did together. But sitting close together, laughing, chatting away, passing glue on before either one had to ask… Something just clicked into place. And no, it wasn’t the ice cream sticks they tried to make a picked fence with.

Those fuckers wouldn’t stick together no matter the amount of glue we put on them.

But it dawned on Buck right at that moment, something he’d told Maddie a long time ago: How he isn’t a guest at Eddie’s house. Just that at this moment, he realized he was actually home there. Had his favorite chair, his designated spot on the couch, an extra drawer to keep some things for when he stayed over. Buck understood it back then that his concept of home wasthose two people sitting with him.

He understood that he didn’t just feel at home at Eddie’s place. Buck realized that they were his home. That home is indeed not a place, that it’s the connections with the people in your lives. And the two people it took were right there with him. Buck didn’t want to go anywhere else ever again, just that simple.

And when Eddie leaned his head against his arm, laughing so hard it brought tears to his eyes, and he was just there, Buck can only thank God he didn’t blush hard enough for anyone to notice. Because fuck, there it was. The movie moment when it dawns on the protagonist that this isn’t just friendship. That this is something more. That this is desire. That this is love. Romantic love. Wanting to kiss. Wanting to touch. Wanting that person. Wanting all of it.

After that, Buckwas done for. Absolutely, pitifully done for. Because there was suddenly just Eddie and Christopher. There’d been a long while, actually, but suddenly, there was a spotlight on them and Buck saw clear.

So, stuck with his feelings in the spotlight, Buck tried to come up with a plan. Because he got anxious. Downright terrified. After all, he couldn’t afford to fuck that up. Because the two are his world. So Buckplanned, in his head, over and over, came up with scenarios, went through possible conversations. Always with the same result: That he was making a fool of himself.

But Buck waited too long in the end, didn’t head right in as he normally would. And before he knew, Eddie was talking about Christopher’s former teacher. And he seemed so enamored with Ana. Downright smitten.

And happy. Ready to be happy again. That was the important bit, Buck remembers. And he wanted for Eddie to have that. Though sadly, it turned out that they both fooled themselves, believing that this was it, the path to happiness for Eddie and his son.

So Buck stuffed that loud part of himself away when Ana stepped into Eddie’s life, the feelings wanting, wanting so much, wanting to scream it from the rooftops. He stuffed all of it into a tiny box and left it there. Buckcan’t even say he felt heartbroken. He didn’t even mourn the opportunity that had gone to waste. Because Eddie was still there, so was Chris. And they seemed happy. That was all that counted.

And soon enough, Taylor was back in his life. Buck didstart to see her in a new light back then. He fell back into love with her, and she did, too. Eddie was in a relationship, then Buck was in a relationship as well. Then Eddie wasn’t in a relationship anymore, but Buck was. And then he and Taylor broke up, like actual adults.

Imagine that! Who could’ve guessed two bisasters like us could make that work, right?

And now, months have passed with both menbeing single again.

Déjà-vu much, huh?

Somehow, they ended up in a completely new part of their lives. Yet, they are still just Buck and Eddie. Eddie and Buck. Though truthfully,it’s not really the same. Now there is no longer the bliss of unawareness on Buck’s end. He is aware of his feelings, how they keep crawling out of the box. He notices how comfortable they get whenever he and Eddie watch a game together and sit thatclose. When they spend time together with Christopher. When they work side-by-side again. All the time, really.

All feels so fresh and fragile, though. Which is why Buck tries his best to leave those loud feelings where they are fornow. He can’t have that glass break again, after they started putting themselves back together somehow. Anyhow.

Let the universe come to you, wasn’t it?

“How about we expand the contract, like, not talking about anyone’s pent-up feelings for anyone?” Buck proposes.

Because no thanks, definitely not wanting to dig into that with Taylor. It’s enough she got him to admit his blooming feelings for Eddie back in the day. She definitely does not need any more details. While Taylor is surprisingly okay with allthat, now that they are actually really just friends, Buck is not ready for the reporter’s version of a check-in with reality. For now, Bucklikes to live in his little bubble, where all he has to worry about are drones and pasta dinners with friends.

“For now, fine. I guess if we rile each other up, it’ll make the no-double-date a lot more complicated than it should be,” Taylor reasons.

Thank God.

“Alright, well, then let Ingrid know that we’re in,” Buck agrees. “I got the groceries. So all you have to do is bring the drinks and doll up. And then Ingrid’s gonna be all yours little time from now.”

“Just remember she hates deep-fried things. Her stomach’s…,” she tries to say, but her interjects, “Sure, got it, feed Taylor’s crush fried chicken exclusively, through a funnel.”

“Well, not everyone’s as lucky as you. A boyfriend that can’t cook doesn’t have the luxury to be a picky eater,” Taylor scoffs.

“Eddie’s a pretty picky eater,” Buck argues.

That guy won’t touch spinach unless it’s raw in a salad with a ten-feet pole.

“And an oblivious one while at it,” Taylor huffs, amused.

“Well, I haven’t said anything, hence the contract,” Buck argues.

The two have been teasing each other about this relentlessly. Because sure, Buck reckons that to most other people it’s pretty obvious that Buck is done for when it comes to Eddie. But then again, it’s always easier looking from the outside in. Like it’s pretty easy for him to tell that Taylor wants to be the lady Ingrid exchanges lipstick with.

But when you are used to being that close already, it gets hard to notice that someone else may want to be even closer.

“You’ve been dropping hints that don’t even classify as hints anymore. I mean, how close are you to moving in with him, care to remind me?” she teases.

Buck scowls at that. “It’s not like that.”

He spent time over at Eddie’s all the while when he didn’t know about his romantic feelings for the other men. So that’s hardly a hint. That’s just how they function.

Suck on that, world.

“Yeah, and it won’t be like that unless you finally start to make your move, Buckley.”

“Right back at you, Ms. Kelly,” Buck snorts. “Or else your college crush is going to fly back to New York and find herself a lipstick lesbian of her own.”

“Jerk.”

“Dork.”

He can hear her giggle on the other end of the line, then Taylor adds in a softer tone, “We’re doing pretty well at the whole friendship thing, aren’t we?”

“We’re totally nailing it,” Buck agrees.

This is the first time he broke up with someone and actually managed to stay friends. Abby hit very differently, because he didn’t get the chance until much later to talk about what happened. Ali was clear about it and didn’t lead him on. Still, the shit hurt and he never heard of her again.

But with Taylor, the breakup was not at all that hard. Because they care about each other, just that they are actually better as friends than they are as a couple. Both came to that understanding almost at the same time. So when they talked about what they wanted out of that relationship, it became clear that they wanted different things. Different kinds of people, actually, with different outlooks on life. What they had, still have, is real. They care for one another, they loved each other. But things changed. And Buck dares to think they actually changed for the better.

“So, no-double-date is happening,” she sighs, sounding rather nervous.

“It is happening,” he agrees.

“Damn.”

“Totally.”

Scout’s honor, my ass.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“… I’m in L.A. to talk to some sources for my next big story. I did a lot of traveling recently, to listen to what those people have to say,” Ingrid says, rolling the glass of red wine in her hand pensively. “Apparently, not many have.”

True to his word, Buck is handling the kitchen, shushing people out of the kitchen like you’d expect Bobby to do it. Eddie always bites down his comments on how their captain and Buck are way too much alike not to be related in some way.

Though nothing tops the sight of Buck sporting the combination of his Kiss the cookapron and his pink rubber gloves. And Eddie will have to hand it to him, Buck is confident enough to wear them with the same surety he puts on the uniform.

So Eddie enjoys drinking wine, waiting for the main course. And fine, he also enjoys conversation. Because Ingrid isan interesting character. And she definitely has some new stories to share with the class. Eddie will have to give Buck that much – it really is nice to listen to some stories he doesn’t know the conclusion to yet. While he and Taylor are still only somewhat friendly – they just don’t really vibe, if you will – he even enjoys conversing with her.

Fine, fine, I’m actually really having fun. Crucify me.

“Can you talk about the story you’re currently working on?” Taylor asks, tugging a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Not in all details, but yes. It has been in the public domain,” she answers.

“What is it about, then?” Eddie asks, frowning. He can tell that she is tensing up, so Eddie has no expectation for this to be a happy kind of story.

Those hardly make the news, after all.

“I’m digging my nails into Twin Pines Military School. It all ran under the name of a boarding school for boys with behavioral problems. Drill sergeants all-inclusive. A boot camp with a curriculum. It was for kidsthat dared to… not always stick to the rules or had some problems at home. And the parents saw no better way than to drop their kids at some school on the outskirt of town where no busesdrive,” she explains, waving with the back of her hand.

“That does not sound promising,” Eddie scoffs, hugging his arms as he leans back in the chair. No small part of him is glad that Buck is too preoccupied with cooking in the kitchen. He always takes those things hard.

Ingrid fiddles with her napkin. “That may be the understatement of the century, but yeah. To put it simple: They abused those kids, physically, mentally, emotionally. I’ve read some of the reports of the victims. I’ve talked to some of them by now. It’s insane. I have to take a shower every time once I’m done reading the transcripts. No one should do something like that, especially not to kids.”

She takes another swig from her wine.

“Damn,” Eddie mutters under his breath.

“And that didn’t get out?” Taylor questions.

“No, they were totally isolated there. The parents mostly didn’t know. Some probably didn’t care either. The school had a policy of having them not visit. The kids only wrote letters, e-mails. And they were smart enough to time it that any injuries wouldn’t be there by the time they returned home. Any lasting injuries could mostly be explained with combat training or whatever. And again, some parents still didn’t care, even after it came out. Served the little punks right and all.”

Eddie feels something boiling up deep in the pit of his stomach, and it’s not the salsa Buck prepped for snacking in-between. Eddie will never understand how someone could do that to kids. Or how parents can’t care about that happening to their own children. He knows he’s far from the perfect parent, but Eddie always loved and will always love his son. He’ll always fight for Christopher. He’s making amends. And he’s learning to forgive himself.

Thanks, therapy. You still suck.

But some parents find it so easy to give up on their kids. They find it easy to let others handle the problems they don’t know how to solve. Because they won’t take just one good look at their own attitude and how their “troubled” children may reflect that.

“And now the same men who did it are about to be released. They finished up their time. For destroying the lives of so many kids. They got too short sentences to begin with, if anyone asked me,” Ingrid sighs, then leans forward in her seat. “But that’s not even the issue.”

“What is the issue, then?” Taylor asks.

What could be worse than that, really?

“As far as I’m concerned, the investigation didn’t go as far as it needed. They only went after the staff that was abusing or could be proven to have overlooked it.”

“And not the wirepullers,” Taylor concludes.

“They didn’t go looking either. They thought it only went as high up as the head teacher. Because back then, the sole focus was on what went on inside that school. But something else was going on outside it, too,” Ingrid explains. “There was a network. All the way up to the news station that did the coverage.”

“Well, maybe a friend of a friend doing a favor,” Taylor ponders.

“I think so, too. But I’m interested in the person who goes such lengths to have that news story disappear ASAP. An entire school doing that to kids? For years? It should’ve been on every damn news channel. But it hardly made the round. Because someone didn’t want it to – and got through with it.”

She pushes her glasses further up her nose, clearly upset about this herself. Which Eddie gets. Or rather, he still doesn’t know how people like Ingrid do it. To go through those records, knowing that they can’t actively change anything for those kids anymore. Because the case is closed. Because the kids are now adults. And more than one surely got told to put it away and move forward.

Doesn’t that sound familiar?

“The judge considered all evidence he was given. The guy dealt with this as he should have. And the sentences were the toughest he could give. But from what I gathered thus far, it seems there is another layer to this that hasn’t been part of the case against the abusers,” Ingrid tells them. “And that reaches beyond the borders of this fucked-up school. And people like that inside man at the news station seemingly contributed to it a great deal.”

Taylor folds her hands under her chin. “How did you get attentive to the story?”

“I was approached by someone who asked me to look into it,” she answers. “At first, I thought the guy just had some beef with the abusers’ release, but his angle was actually on the coverage. He went over the records to highlight how fast the story disappeared. And it’s astonishing just how fast it did. I started doing some digging on my own then… and I think the guy’s right.”

She leans back in her chair, running her fingers through her hair. “There was something lately that had me frown, though. Because around the same time it made news that the abusers would be released, some person kept spreading misinformation on blogs and YouTube channels.”

“Misinformation about what happened at that school?” Taylor frowns.

“Think of Holocaust deniers. Different bullshit, same bag full of crap,” Ingrid huffs. “But yeah. That person calls it a hoax. And how the poor staff had to suffer for children making up stories. It’s so sick.”

“So they’re saying what?” Eddie scoffs. “That shit never happened?”

Ingrid rolls her shoulders. “Essentially yes. That person suggests it was, if at all, neglect. But surely not full-fledged abuse. A smear campaign against military schools, some left-wing agenda or whatever else. It’s just bullshit, plain and simple.”

“And anyone in their right minds believes that?” Eddie asks, though he knows the answer to that one, sadly. They’ve all seen their fair share in the not so distant past. What lies people spin to make sense of a terrible situation or a very uncomfortable truth, a history.

Because it’s so much easier to believe there is some Bond villain behind it all than taking a good look in the mirror.

“I have a feeling that’s not actually the point. What I can tell you is that news coverage is yet again shifting away from the victims and more towards questions like: Who is this person running the blogs? What evidence may they have? What light may that shed on the old case? And suddenly, we’re no longer talking about the victims or some rewind on the things the court case didn’t cover,” Ingrid says, tapping the flat of her palm on the table. “Someone is very good at attention economy here, is what I’m saying.”

“So you think there’s a connection between the news coverage back then and that blogger or whatever spreading misinformation now?” Taylor assumes.

Ingrid nods. “I don’t have substantial proof for it, but yes. It feels like too much of a coincidence that it’s the second time media’s attention goes anywhere but the truth regarding this case. Back then, focus soon shifted to changes to school regulations. The issues of military schools in general. Privatizing schools. Understaffed supervisory authorities. Even more understaffed CPS. Which, you know, all valid topics, but somehow, they became the center of debate when we were talking about kids being systematically abused at a military school.”

“But just the bad gut feeling, huh?” Taylor asks, offering a sympathetic smile.

“Sadly yes. I have all those dots, but no way of actually connecting them,” Ingrid laments.

“So they buried the story before, and now they try it again,” Eddie sighs, shaking his head. To think that the same kids that were put through this ordeal now have to go through their stories being buried a second time. Eddie can feel his jaw clench at that just thinking about it. To be told repeatedly that what you went through no longer matters, that your story doesn’t matter.

“I’ll do whatever I can to keep that from happening. But the matter of fact is… they might get through with it,” Ingrid admits. “They sure did last time.”

“Because the abuserswere already on trial. So you can’t go looking for new evidence down that route, huh?” Taylor ponders.

“Nothing of the sort we’d get out of a proper trial, no. With this, we’re stuck with a bunch of traumatized kids now turned adults whose stories of pain and suffering ended up on page 10 of the local newspaper,” Ingrid sighs.“And all because those bastardswere smart about it. They strategically scared the children not to speak up, and so they didn’t… Well, onedid.”

Eddie grimaces. “One?”

“There was just one kid that managed to break the silence. He reported – everything. I mean, I’ve read reports before, and mostly, those traumatized kids just can’t, past a certain point. They’re too deep in to make a full account, but that kid… I don’t know how he’s done it, but he told them everything from what was done to him, to others, who was involved, and what systems he understood were in place.”

She shakes her head at the memory.

“It was like he was telling everyone’s story and wouldn’t stop until he’d said all he could.Because no one else dared to speak before he did. It was only well into the preparations of the trial that other boys came forward and confirmed what he was saying. Had that boy not spoken up, this shit would’ve continued. Like that, at least this place was shut down for good and the abusers were charged.”

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose. He really can’t and doesn’t want to fathom it. That a traumatized kid has to go through all that, for what should be a simple confirmation of the facts that this happened. Eddie watched his fair share of TV and read some articles. How traumatizing it is for the victims to talk about it, in all of its detail. And somehow, that one kid did it. Without help. Without anyone having his back.

No, no one should have to go through that. Even less so alone.

“They never revealed the identities of the boys. For matters of their own safety. The man who reached out to me formed an online support group for the victims and their friends and family. Those are the people I’ve been talking to.”

“So that’s why you were on your tour round America, that makes sense,” Taylor says, offering a small smile.

“Sadly, that boy’s not part of the support group,” Ingrid goes on. “Though I would die for an interview with who’s basically been patient zero. The kid that gave that shit place of a school a taste of its own medicine… I’d love to have his voice, his story, smeared all over the web and every damn news outlet, let me tell you.”

“When was that, by the way?” Taylor asks.

“Around 2007.”

Eddie swallows thickly. He imagined, wanted to believe, maybe, that something like that would lie further back, much further. But that’s it, isn’t it? We’re always trying to find a more comfortable version. And the further back it lies, the less it hurts. Because it isn’t that close anymore.

Just that it is, no matter how much time passed.

“It made almost no noise throughout the country back then, and it isn’t now. So you see why I’m so irritated. This was not the seventies. This happened only a few years back and if you check the newspapers and what’s online… it’s almost as though that shit never happened. Even some locals never heard of this incident, imagine that!”

“That must be horrible for the victims,” Taylor sighs, rubbing her arms.

“Totally devastating. While I was in Pennsylvania to dig around the site, I interviewed people in Marklesburg and Hesston, which are the biggest neighboring towns. The school was very isolated in a large forest area. But people knew nothingabout it. Zero. Zilch. They’d never heard what was done to those kids. Most didn’t even know there was a school to begin with. And those that did only commented how sad it was to see it go. It always looked so nice. And the boys always looked so regal in their uniforms.”

She shakes her head with a scoff.

“I come back with pasta, and the best you can talk about is school?” Buck huffs as he joins from the kitchen, carrying a large pasta dish that’s steaming hot. “You guys seriously can’t be left unsupervised for long. You’re all such downers.”

“Good that you missed the other bit,” Eddie mutters. Because he really is glad.

Buck sure is not fragile, but he is not nearly as tough as some people take him to be. On the job, sure. Tough as nails. But he also has a heart that’s too big even for someone the size of him at times.

“Hm?” Buck frowns at him as he sets down the plate on the table with a thunk.

“Which reminds me. You’re from Pennsylvania, right?” Taylor asks.

“Ugh, yeah. Why are we talking about Pennsylvanian schools again? Because we could talk about literally anything else?” Buck snorts. “Like, about that delicious pasta I made, for instance?”

He gestures at the bowl that could feed an entire army. Not that Eddie is complaining. He knows that his son’s going to love the leftovers he is sure to take home tonight.

“Marklesburg, Hesston, Raystown Lake… Is that somewhere close to where you grew up?” Ingrid questions.

Looking at the two, Eddie starts to think that journalists are a bit like firefighters in that regard. They have a shared sense of how to look at the world. And for them, it’s asking questions, tilting their heads, taking it all in. Even when they could be focusing on that delicious pasta.

Buck frowns at the two journalists, then coughs lightly. “I, ugh, I grew up in Hershey. I think we spent one summer vacation at Raystown Lake, but I don’t really remember it. My guess is that it was a typical Buckley vacation that just sucked out of principle.”

Eddie chews on the inside of his cheek. He knows he should be past the point to be mad about Buck’s parents. But he is still mad about his parents. To this day, he regrets that he stayed polite towards them when they showed up at the station after the Daniel reveal. Eddie had to hold back so much not to say some things that definitely would have been out of line.

But yes, Eddie can imagine that this was a trip not to remember. From what Buck shared with him by now, they really weren’t the kind to make memories you want to treasure.

Maybe our next vacation should be a lake area somewhere. Christopher would surely love that…

“So did you hear anything about what was going on at Twin Pines Military School?” Ingrid asks.

“… What’s, ugh, what’sup with that place?” Buck asks.

Eddie turns his head at that. It’s almost not there, but he can feel the tension Buck tries his best to ease out of his limbs by shuffling his feet under the table. With time, Eddie got pretty good reading Buck, not just on the job he’s finally back to.

“Ingrid is doing a news story on that school. They abused the kids there,” Taylor explains. “She believes there’s some cover-up going on, all the way up to the news stations. Because the story disappeared almost overnight.”

“… I heard about it, but… I never dove into it,” Buck says, chewing on his bottom lip.

Eddie’s frown deepens. Either it is as he thought initially, and Buck is just upset about children being hurt, or there is something else. And Eddie hopes he is just being paranoid. Though he knows he has to be attentive, especially with Buck. Before you know it, he closes in on himself, tries to isolate himself. And if you aren’t fast enough, that guy nearly gets killed and you’re sitting on the other end of the line, having to listen to that.

Yeah no, thank God those times now lie behind us.

“I’ll get some more wine,” Buck says hurriedly. Eddie puts a hand on his shoulder. Buck blinks at him, then seems to ease a bit.

“I’ll get it,” Eddie says.“I bet she wants to probe you for more information. Or you try to shift the conversation somewhere else.”

“Ugh, sure, thanks.”

Though Eddie can tell that he’s really not thankful. Buck definitely wanted to opt out of the conversation. But Eddie tries to be attentive. So giving himself that bit of extra time to observe is actually doing him a favor here.

Eddie moves into the kitchen, routinely going for the corkscrew in the drawer to the right, listening closely.

“Well, there’s, ugh… there’snot much more I can tell you, I’m afraid,” Buck says. “As I said, never dove into it.”

“Did you know someone who’s been to Twin Pines?” Ingrid asks.

“None of my friends were there, thankfully,” Buck replies.

She nods. “That’s good. Every kid that wasn’t there is good news…”

“Right,” he agrees, ducking his head.

Eddie wrinkles his nose. There is something Buck is not telling. He knows that much. But what it is – he isn’t quite sure yet.

“So what’s the plan of action for you?” Taylor questions, looking at Ingrid.

“Well, I’ve done most of my interviews. As I won’t hold my breath for patient zero to miraculously emerge, I’m focusing on the friend who used to run the news station that reported little to none. And that blogger person who’s spewing shit about the supposed smear campaignnow. If I can connect the two, I might be able to get somewhere.”

“So, he, he’s in L.A., too? The news guy, I mean?” Buck asks.

“Yeah, he retired from the position some years ago. I’m not entirely sure what he is doing exactly now. I know he didn’t retire completely, but the job description and the information on the websites are so scarce, he could be anything. I have nothing on the blogger yet. So I go for the older version for now,” Ingrid explains.

“As I said, I got nothing to say about that, really. Sorry.” Buck holds up his hands.

Ingrid looks at Taylor, gesturing at Buck. “You know, and that just proves my point. That guy didn’t know, even though it basically happened next door. That’s just not normal.”

“I might have heard something about it, dunno. I just don’t remember it,” Buck argues. “Also, two hours away is not exactly next door.”

“A story of that magnitude, it actually really is,” Ingrid ponders.

Buck nearly jumps up in his seat when Eddie leaves his hand on his back as he pours him some more wine.

“Oh, ugh, thanks,” Buck says sheepishly, ducking his head again. He is way too skittish, even if the story itself is surely not a pleasant one.

Eddie offers a small smile, before going the round to fill up the other glasses as well.

“I think… we ought to eat before the pasta goes cold,” Buck says, gesturing at his creation.

“It sure looks delicious,” Eddie says as he settles down next to him again.

“I may not be the most versatile chef, but Bobby said that you only need to know three pasta dishes to make variations of that over and over again,” Buck lets them know.

Eddie smirks. “Those ones are actually my favorite variation.”

“Oh, are they?” Taylor laughs.

Eddie frowns as he watches her and Buck exchanging some odd glances.

What’s up with that now?

Once they start to dig in, the horrid stories take a backseat. Laughter returns to the conversation. Ingrid is engrossed by the weird calls Buck and Eddie recount to her. And as far as Eddie can tell, Taylor is pretty engrossed with Ingrid being engrossed.

Interesting.

Eddie keeps checking on Buck. While he’s soon back to joking and telling merrier tales, Eddie can’t shake the feeling that something touched closer to home than such a story touches anyone who’s not completely heartless.

Though Eddie has to admit he is none the wiser as Taylor and Ingrid bid farewell and keep going on about sharing an Uber as they go, packed with Tupperware full of pasta. They fall into their usual routine wordlessly thereafter, starting to clean up. Whenever Buck is over at theirs, he tidies up there. Whenever Eddie is over at his, it’s the other way around.

Somehow, Eddie came to cherish those quieter moments. He can’t really describe it. But there is a particular atmosphere about it. There is still the pleasant buzz from food and wine and new stories, but it also feels like it’s finally just them again.

Eddie picks up the remaining dishes from the table and carries them over to the sink, shaking his head with a grin when Buck is right back on his bullshit with the damn pink rubber gloves.

“Is this the moment I get to say I told you so?” Buck asks, eyes on the bowl he is cleaning. He tries to play it casual, but Eddie can see the shit-eating grin a mile away.

“You’ve been sitting on that the whole evening, huh?” Eddie huffs, leaning back against the counter next to Buck.

“I waited until they are out the door. I found that very adult of me,” Buck laughs.

“Fine, fine, you told me so. It was actually fun.”

“I should’ve filmed that.”

“Yeah, try next time, which won’t ever happen,” Eddie snorts.

He ponders, for a moment, whether to let it rest like that. To let the evening conclude as usual. Have another beer, talk some more, than go home with all the pasta. To stay in that quiet moment he cherishes so much.

But then he remembers Buck tensing up at the table multiple times. And that settles it for him.

“But you’re sure you’re alright?” Eddie asks, trying to keep it casual.

Buck whips his head around. “What? Ugh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Why?”

“I just noticed you got pretty tensed when Ingrid brought up that story,” Eddie explains.

“You know me. I just can’t when it is about kids getting hurt.”

“I just got the feeling this hit too close to home, even though it was more than a two-hour drive to Hershey,” Eddie continues.

“I just feel bad that I couldn’t give her anything, you know,” Buck replies. “Plus, I guess I let it get a little too deep into my head, is all.”

“it’s always the worst when kids are involved,” Eddie sighs.

“Yeah. But it’s really fine. Just… it’s the kids.”

“Yeah. As a father, I can’t even imagine what that… I don’t want to imagine it, really.”

“And you better don’t. Cannot recommend. One star.”

Eddie turns around to squeeze Buck in the nape of the neck, letting his hand rest there wordlessly. Buck lets it happen without comment either. Instead, he continues washing the dishes quietly.

They just stay like that. While Eddie continues to have his doubts, he decides to let it rest for the night. So long they watch out for each other, nothing bad can happen, not really. Because even if it does, they have each other’s back again.

And I won’t let anything change about that ever again. Actual Scout’s honor on that.

…

Buck lets out a shuddered breath as he turns on the back of the heel, away from the table. He closes his eyes, tries to breathe through his nose instead. Though even with the back turned to the table, he can feel the presence of his laptop, the knowledge what he’ll find on there once he opens it.

It shouldn’t be that hard, really. It’s a thing of the past, after all. He’s good. He’s going to therapy. Eddie is in therapy. They are hanging out, just as they should. They are good. So something like that shouldn’t shake him.

I walk into fires every day. We all do. It’s nothing compared to that.

It’s nothing compared to Eddie getting shot. Nearly losing Christopher in the tsunami. Eddie down the well. Eddie leaving the 118. The fire at dispatch. It’s really nothing compared to any of this.

It’s just a laptop. It’s just the things he already knows. It’s just the facts.

So why does it feel like he is breathing through lead?

Buck rakes the fingers of both hands through his hair, trying to take comfort in the ache of pulling on the strands of hair too much.

You just need to put this to rest. Do the research to put that shit back where it belongs. C’mon. You got better to do. So much better to do. Get a move. Move!

Buck turns back around, takes two fast strides back over to his dining table, and opens the laptop, then the browser, then the black hole he never wanted to go back to in a lifetime. But maybe that was a promise too easily made. Somehow, the past always comes to bite you in the ass when you least want it to.

After all, my biggest issue tonight was going to be not to get in over my head over that damned dress shirt Eddie had the audacity to wear around here.

But it wasn’t the issue for tonight. Neither was it to keep himself in check. Because the moment he heard that name, all else just faded away. Though Buck won’t let that stand for long. He can’t. He is done looking back with regret. Because you can’t fix a broken past. But you may be able to change the present, mend what’s broken, and find a way to move on.

Buck starts typing in some buzzwords, ignoring the slight tremble in his fingers.

The images fly past him, memories fading into pixels, bits of light bringing to the light the darkness he buried deep inside himself.

He finds the blog Ingrid mentioned after just a few more key words in the search, only a couple of clicks. And he wished he could unsee it, but you can’t fix the change. You can’t unsee. Like he can’t unsee Eddie on the pavement, bleeding out. Buck knows that, learned to accept the fact, but it doesn’t make the feeling any better.

Buck nearly throws up sampling through some of the venom that person has the audacity to spew on there, presenting it as fact. He doesthrow up when he looks at the appreciative comments, the amount of views, the likes, the blog posts have since received.

Some just seem miffed that military schools have some kind of PR problem thanks to that school having made bad news. Just one bad apple and all that bullshit.

Others lost their jobs over it or had bad business and just want to vent their frustrations.

Yet again others seriously go on about how they sent their kids there and they turned out just fine.

Yeah, right.

And then there’s that faction thatseems to have waited for all those years for someone to speak up. About the poor people who spent years punching and kicking kids, spitting in their faces, making them feel like no one would miss them if they were gone.

Smear campaign revealed.

Now the true victims speak.

The true story behind Twin Pines.

Buck gets nearly hysterical reading those headlines, those even stupider texts. He doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh. Because it’s so ridiculous he should be laughing. But still it feels so devastating, to think that someone would actually say that. And that some people who’ve surely never been there, who’ve never seen it, or bothered to care, feel entitled to an opinion. Or more to the point, who think their opinion matters more than the memories of those who lived it.

They are crying for the truth, though it’s right there. It’s not hidden. Bruised and broken. But it’s there. It’s never gone away. Even when it was gone from the news oh so fast.

Buck knows he’d best leave those bastards to their mad world. They are definitely not worth his time, or anyone else’s. He’s not there anymore. He’s here now. All is said and done. And no matter how loud they scream, it won’t change anything about the fact that the truth is already out there.

What does it matter if people don’t go looking anymore? Or look the wrong direction? It doesn’t stop being true just because people don’t believe in it.

Right?

It shouldn’t matter anymore. He swore to himself that this part of himself would not get any more room. That this part of his life would not get anywhere near his happiness ever again. And his happiness is here. It’s now. Not perfect, bruised and all, but there. Right within reach, only a phone call away, looking damn fine in that damned dress shirt.

Then why does it keep hurting?

By the time he closes his laptop, the sun is already shining in through the window. Buck follows Ingrid’s example and takes a shower, though he knows the feelings won’t miraculously wash away.

They never did.

46 notes · View notes

futures-tense · 3 years

Note

you know i really kind of want more eddie and athena content like them making jokes and stuff and Athena absolutely seeing right through his lovesickness just more eddie and athena friendship

Okay I know you didnt ask for it but I actually had this sitting in my wips but it was too short to do anything with SO (and before anyone asks yes it was loosely based on something one of Angela’s other characters said)

i searched for you in someone else and found nothing// ~750 //

“Out of curiosity, why did Christopher come with Buck and not you?” She doesn’t actually look up at him, just checks the bread in the oven.

Eddie glances at her. “Buck offered to pick him up from school.” He hesitates slightly, the knife in his hands stopping just over the pepper on the cutting board. “I don’t know if Bobby told you but the last call we went on… I don’t know, it kind of messed me up.”

Athena nods sympathetically. “I get it. Are you okay now?”

He thinks for a moment, then continues what he’d been doing. “Yeah, I think so. Or I will be. Buck offered to get Chris so I could have a little while to myself.”

“And where’s Ana tonight?” She side eyes him and he freezes again.

“Why do I feel like you already know the answer to that?” He says, pointedly ignoring her gaze as he empties the contents of the cutting board into the salad bowl.

“I heard this story about a fish,” Athena starts, casually filling the bowl with the rolls she’d pulled out. Eddie furrows his brows and leans back against the counter. “It went up to an older fish and said ‘I’m looking for the ocean.’ The older fish looked at him and said ‘the ocean? That’s what we’re in now.’ And the younger fish shook his head and said ‘no, this is water. I want the ocean’.”

She gives him a knowing look and picks up the bowl, heading around the counter to the table.

“Alright, y’all. Come eat!”

Eddie doesn’t move, still trying to figure out the point of the story.

“Eds,” Buck calls, one hand on the back of Christopher’s chair and the other on the empy seat next to the kid. “You good?”

He nods and joins them at the table, taking the seat next to Buck. The blond leans close- brushing their shoulders together and Eddie leans in closer.

Because Buck’s about to say something.

Obviously.

“You didn’t get water.”

Eddie makes a face. “What?”

“That’s why you went to the kitchen, right? To get a drink?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just… Athena needed some help and I forgot.”

“Naturally,” Buck says with a playful shake of his head before getting up.

Eddie rolls his eyes and tunes into the story Christopher is telling Bobby and Michael. Buck comes back a moment later and places a glass of water in front of him and chooses to engage in a conversation with May about her job at the call center.

Eddie opens his mouth to say something but stops. He sees Athena raise an eyebrow at him.

“Buck, what about you and Ms. Kelly?” Bobby asks when the conversation slows.

Buck raises an eyebrow at him and swallows the food he’d been chewing. “What about us, Cap?”

“You two were going steady for a while, weren’t you?”

That makes Buck laugh a little. “No, we weren’t. We’re just friends.”

Eddie tries hard not to roll his eyes and he looks at Athena, who give him an innocent shrug. What is she playing at?

Bobby looks as unconvinced of Buck’s statement as Eddie does but Buck just shakes his head.

“Seriously,” he insists. “It’s just nice to have someone to talk to. Uh, someone outside of work, anyway.”

Eddie can tell Buck’s trying not to look at him.

Oh. Oh, that’s what she meant.

The conversation moves away from Buck’s love life and on to Harry’s latest video game. Dinner lasts a while longer and eventually they move back into the living room.

Eddie leans toward Athena. “What was all that about?” She gives him a confused look. “Bobby asking about Taylor, it just seemed very…strategic.”

“You’re looking for the ocean when you’ve already got it,” she says quietly, gesturing vaguely toward Buck and Christopher- who are playing a board game with Harry and May.

“I don’t-“ He sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t have him, Thena, that’s the problem.”

She turns to him and smiles fondly. “All you have to do is talk to him. I have a feeling it’ll go your way.”

“Hey, Athena,” Bobby interrupts. “Sorry, but can I get your help outside?”

“Of course,” she says, getting to her feet.

“Wait,” Eddie says. “Do you know something I don’t?”

She smirks at him and shoots a not-so-innocent smile in his direction- one that makes hope spark in him like a match.

#eddie diaz #athena grant nash #athena grant #my fics #911 fics #911 ficlets #evan buckley #buddie #bobby nash #i searched for you in someone else and found nothing

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extasiswings · 3 years

Text

And part 2. Part 1 is here. Also on ao3. See, I said you could trust me.

Eddie feels like an asshole.

He hates fighting with Buck, inevitably regrets everything he says when tensions are running high—and they had been. He’d been blindsided the night before when Christopher had stopped him before bed and asked dad, are you dating someone? He’d been avoiding that conversation, hadn’t been ready to have it, hadn’t even known how to start it. And even though he stumbled through it successfully enough, he was still—

He hadn’t slept well, spending the night staring up at the ceiling stewing, uncomfortable and upset for reasons he didn’t even really understand. It was just—what the fuck? Buck can go out with whoever he wants, including apparently Taylor Kelly, and that doesn’t warrant a conversation about what that means for his own relationship with Christopher, but he felt the need to put himself in charge of talking to Chris about what Eddie dating means?

Eddie’s not going anywhere, he’s the parent. Buck’s the one who doesn’t have to stick around, the one who can walk away whenever he wants to, who can fall in love with whoever he wants and leave—

It’s not fair. And on some level he knows that. But—what was it Buck said after everything with his parents and Maddie? That it’s easier to lash out at the people you know will forgive you?

...yeah, it’s easier to fight with Buck than look too hard at why exactly he’s so upset at the idea of Buck not always being there.

But after the shift, he doesn’t feel any better. He just feels like hell. And as he sits in his truck thinking more about why he hadn’t wanted to tell Christopher in the first place, he pulls out his phone and makes a call.

It’s easy. Simple. There’s no yelling, no drama.

He tells Ana she’s a wonderful woman—which is true—but that he’s just not in the best place to be dating—which is mostly true—and she says she completely understands and wishes him well, and that’s the end of it.

It ends and he’s not sad—it barely even registers—which really says about all there is to say. And Eddie goes home and thinks about how the hell he’s going to fix things with Buck.

He still doesn’t have a clear plan the next morning, but he figures starting with coffee can’t hurt. He knocks on Buck’s door just before eight—he has a key, but with everything...well it’s easier to knock.

Buck opens the door looking rough, unshaven with dark circles under his eyes, and stops.

“Hey.”

Eddie swallows hard and holds out the coffee cup like a peace offering.

“I broke up with Ana,” he says, and Buck takes the coffee, stepping aside to let Eddie in.

Although, that doesn’t stop him from asking—

“Before or after you bit my head off yesterday?”

Eddie winces. “After. Last night.”

“I’m sorry,” he adds after a beat. He and Shannon never said that much, more often than not fell into the don’t apologize, just sleep it off school of fighting, which rarely fixed anything, just let things get pushed down to fester until some future barb cut deep enough to uncover them again. But he wants to say it. He needs to say it. So, he does.

Buck looks down at the coffee cup, takes a sip in the silence—then he shakes his head.

“You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” His voice is hollow, accepting, and Eddie hates it. Because he doesn’t want to be right, he doesn’t care about technicalities, about accuracy. There have been times when he’s needed to play the I’m his parent card—usually when he needs his parents to back the hell off—but it’s not something he likes to do. It’s not something he’s ever enjoyed doing.

Especially not with Buck.

“Maybe, but—I still shouldn’t have said it like that. So. I’m sorry.”

Buck looks at him for a moment. “I’m sorry, too,” he says finally. “Whether he knew or not, you’re right that how he feels about you dating—that’s something for the two of you to discuss and it wasn’t my place to bring it up. I overstepped.”

“I want him to be able to talk to you,” Eddie replies. “I know that there may be things that come up sometimes that he won’t want to talk to me about and I want him to be able to talk to someone he trusts if I’m not it, I just also don’t want you to feel—”

His tongue ties itself in knots as he looks away, searching for the right words, but they’re all a mess in his head and his throat, a tangled snarl of thoughts—I’m afraid that I’ve been leaning on you too much feeds into I don’t want to lose you which twines through I don’t know what I’m doing—all too much to spit out.

Buck has a strange look on his face when Eddie looks back.

“Obligated?” Buck fills in, and his tone is unreadable.

Eddie shrugs. “I’ve been doing this alone for a long time,” he says. And I’m tired, he thinks.

The strange look doesn’t go away—Buck’s brow furrows like he’s trying to figure out a complicated puzzle.

“You know you can trust me to stick around though...don’t you?”

“I—” It’s dangerous, the highwire he’s walking on, the thin line between I want and I shouldn’t, the whisper reminding him that he never gets to keep the things he wants.

“Eddie?” Buck prompts.

“I don’t expect your next serious girlfriend to be super comfortable with you helping to parent someone else’s kid, no,” Eddie admits, and waits for the other shoe to drop.

But it doesn’t.

“You’re an idiot,” Buck says. And Eddie blinks.

“What?”

“I said you’re an idiot,” he repeats. “If you think I wouldn’t pick Christopher over some random hypothetical woman—and they are all only hypothetical right now—if you think I would get serious with someone who refused to understand that you’re in my life, that he’s in my life—I—you’re an idiot. Why wouldn’t I put him first?”

“His own mother didn’t.”

“Yeah, well—I’m not Shannon,” Buck’s voice is steady, and his eyes soften as he adds— “You let me into his life. You let me be part of your family—you’re my best friend and I know I’m not his dad, but I’m not just going to walk away from that. I love—”

Eddie’s breath catches. Buck cuts off and looks away, clearing his throat.

“—Christopher,” Buck finishes.

Eddie’s pulse is racing, blood rushes in his ears, and he tries to breathe and put his world right, return it to the balance that existed before he thought Buck was about to say—

It was a stupid thought anyway. He has no reason to think it, but he can’t stop wondering—

“Why did you break up with Ana?” Buck asks. The question cuts through Eddie’s reverie and his throat closes for a moment. Because he’s been turning that question over in his head for hours and while the answer is simple, it also feels...messy. Especially in this moment. Like it leads down a path he’s afraid to examine too closely, a slippery slope that goes...he’s not sure where. But he owes Buck honesty, so he swallows hard and admits—

“I realized I didn’t want her to meet Christopher as my girlfriend. And I didn’t think I ever would.”

Another odd look flickers across Buck’s face.

“She seemed kind of perfect for you,” Buck says. “Pretty and smart and stable—”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “But she wasn’t what I wanted.”

“So...what do you want?”

A single word whispers through his mind, catches in his throat. And maybe he is an idiot, because he can be brave when it comes to any number of other things—running into burning buildings or downed helicopters, scaling walls and talking down impersonators who steal firetrucks—and yet, when it comes to this—

“I—”

Buck sets the coffee down and takes a step forward, then another, closing the distance until he’s close enough to touch, until Eddie can feel the heat of him.

“What do you want?” Buck repeats quietly, his gaze searching, and Eddie still can’t manage to make the words come. But something flickers in Buck’s eyes before they settle on resolve and he nods.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Buck laughs and Eddie doesn’t have a chance to ask why before he’s being kissed.

Oh.

And words may be difficult, but that he can do.

“For the record,” Buck says when he pulls back. “I don’t want to date anyone but you.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” Eddie replies, and pulls him down to kiss him again.

When they tell Christopher, they tell him together.

#chapel writes #buddie #buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 fic

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buddiebeginz · 3 years

Text

So I finally got to watch 4x08 and I have a lot of thoughts so be prepared for a long rant.

For starters I literally groaned out loud when I saw they brought back Taylor Kelly. I know that some would make the argument well the only reason you don’t like her is because you want Buck with Eddie. If Eddie didn’t even exist I still wouldn’t like her and I definitely wouldn’t want her anywhere near Buck. She’s incredibly self centered doesn’t care who she hurts at times and can be really manipulative too. Like how she went out of her way to hurt Buck in front of Albert and Veronica for no reason. I get it if she didn’t totally understand why Buck asked her there but she could have said that to him privately. She could have left without turning it into a whole big spectacle to make Buck look like a dick.

Then the stuff she said to him in the hallway was just totally messed up. Buck called her because he got roped into the stupid double date thing and didn’t want to look like a loser in front of Albert and Veronica but also it’s clear he’s been feeling lonely for a while and didn’t want to be the third wheel. He should have communicated more to Taylor what was going on with the dinner but nothing about what he was doing was malicious or manipulative to me, Buck can just be kind of clueless at times.

When they were in the hallway Taylor made it seem like Buck used her. That he basically wanted people to see him with “famous” Taylor Kelly the reporter. The thing is when Taylor got to the apartment she thought that her and Buck were going to have dinner and hook up. She was clearly planning on using Buck for sex like she has before, yet she accuses him of using her.

She called him needy and said that he can’t stand the idea of someone not liking him. To which he ends up apologizing. Watching this I’m like WTAF are you apologizing for Buck? This woman is trashing the shit out of you and you’re standing there apologizing?! I mean this is what I’m talking about when I say she’s manipulative. Like I said before Buck should have communicated better what was going on that night but it’s also not his fault that Taylor assumed he was calling her over for a hook up. I also don’t think Buck called her because she’s sort of famous and he wanted to look good or to use her, I think he didn’t want to look like he’s all alone when everyone around him has someone. He had seen her recently and talked to her about things he’d been dealing with so I think she was the first person he could think of to help him and likely the only one really.

Even after Buck tried to explain some of this to her and tried to be vulnerable about how he was feeling what does she do? She laughs at him then basically calls him a liar and tells him that he treats his friends shitty and his issues with Albert are his fault. Never mind the fact that Buck had opened up to her about feeling uncomfortable about his roommate dating a woman he dated and bringing her home to their house. Never mind the fact that Taylor knows nothing about Buck and his relationships.

I mean she says something earlier in the episode “your life is nothing but meaningful relationships” (talking about the 118) but that’s pretty obvious to anyone who meets them so I don’t give her much credit for that. Not to mention a while back she spent time in the firehouse filming so that was easy enough to see then. But the fact that she could spend time with Buck and he could open up to her the way he has multiple times through out the show and she could still make the kind of snap judgments she does about him or use him the way she does is just awful.

By the end of the episode the shows tries to make Taylor look like this poor sad woman who is dealing with so much and I think they were even trying to make the connection that she was also feeling alone like Buck feels alone. They also try to make it seem like she just wants to help people, again I think trying to connect her to Buck and his innate desire to help everyone around him but I don’t think she’s anything like Buck and I still can’t stand her.

I really hope people haven’t forgotten that this was the same fame hungry woman that was ready to air footage of Bobby (calling out to his dead daughter) and almost jumping off the roof when he had eaten laced brownies. She made it clear when we met her when kind of a person she is. That she was the kind of person who would probably sell her own mother if it meant furthering her career. The thing is I definitely believe characters who make mistakes or who start out as villainous or problematic should be allowed to grow and change (I mean some of my favorite characters are ones that have started out awful) but this doesn’t feel like a character that has changed. At all. The way she went out of her way to try and humiliate Buck in front of Albert and Veronica and the things she said in the hallway prove that. I’ll be utterly disgusted if they try to pair her up with Buck.

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I’m just really tired of how the show seems to treat Buck. I have no problem with characters going through hard times, dealing with others being awful to them, or even abuse. These are all things that happen in real life and can make for great storylines. But if you’re going to show a character repeatedly going through something it should serve a purpose, it should be leading towards something and I’m not sure if the 911 writers get that. I love the show but sometimes I feel like they’re just putting Buck through stuff for the hell of it.

Like we’ve repeatably seen women treating Buck awful which in an of itself isn’t a problem if it’s going somewhere. Like the show could use that as way to say Buck is always picking the wrong people and has problems with speaking up for his needs (likely because of his family). There’s a lot the show could explore with Buck’s relationships especially with him seeing a therapist. Unfortunately though we haven’t been seeing him talking to the therapist and especially after this recent episode where it feels like the same old same old (i.e. a woman treats Buck like crap and Buck apologizes) it just doesn’t feel like there’s a good enough reason they keep writing Buck’s storylines like this.

First there was Abby who I feel like used Buck in some ways to jump start her life back up and then ghosted him when she didn’t need him anymore. Then she didn’t even take responsibility for that when she saw him again nor did the show really let Buck call her out on how she made him feel really. Then there was Ali who knew how dangerous Buck’s job was when she got involved with him and did anyway then chose to drop him when he was going through one of the toughest times of his life. The show didn’t even do Buck the dignity of really talking about what happened with that relationship she just was gone by the next season.

There was Taylor who just used Buck for sex and for her career and who the show tried to paint as being like the female version of Buck which I thought was kind of bullshit. Buck has made plenty of mistakes in his life and he certainly was all about sex when we first met him in season 1 but in the first place Buck would have never sunk to the kind of lows Taylor has just for his career. Being a firefighter is everything to Buck but the 118 are like his family and he wants to be a firefighter to help people not just for fame or glory. There was the lawsuit but Buck didn’t even realize how much that asshole lawyer was going to go after the 118 and I’m pretty sure if he did he wouldn’t have done it. You can tell when Buck talks about it to Eddie how much he still regrets it. As for all the sex Buck was having it’s clear he was looking for a more meaningful connection and just hadn’t learned yet that wasn’t where he was going to get it. Not to mention it seemed like a lot of the women he was sleeping with were just using him to an extent like the therapist who slept with him. Buck is very different from Taylor who in my eyes is not a very empathetic or emotional person and seems much more about herself than anyone else. So the shows need to compare them really gets on my nerves.

Then there was his date with Veronica which was just ridiculous. My problem wasn’t that they had her be some strawman SJW feminist who got offended by everything it was the way they had Buck respond. As usual he wasn’t allowed to stand up for himself and just had to sit there and take the mistreatment.

It hasn’t just been in romantic relationships either we saw what Buck went through with his family and the show just kind of closed that off with Buck forgiving them for a lifetime of abuse.

I don’t get why the show constantly lets Buck get treated like crap by so many people around him and without standing up for himself no less. Like I was so angry about that scene in the hallway with him and Taylor. It would have been one thing if Taylor had lashed out at him (maybe taking her own issues out on him something she could have explained later) but the show still should have had Buck push back against some of the bs she was spewing. I’m tired of Buck having to hear how much of a failure he is. I’m tired of seeing Buck hurt by people he tries to let in. Buck would literally die for the people he loves. He almost has numerous times. So to hear someone like Taylor trashing him and telling him he wasn’t a good friend was so infuriating.

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I mean it’s not that everything with Buck is handled bad. I love the relationships he has with the 118 and especially with Bobby and Athena. Her and Bobby are almost like parents to Buck especially when it feels like Buck never really had the family he deserved and I love them for that. There’s also Maddie who has always been there for Buck and their relationship is so important. But the best relationship Buck has is obviously with Eddie. He’s the one who gets Buck the most and who Buck is the most himself with. Buck doesn’t have to hide or hold back with Eddie and neither one of them are afraid to call each other out when necessary.

I love the relationship Buck has with Eddie and I really want them to just get together already, though I know there’s no guarantee that will happen. But if the plan isn’t for Buddie to happen I wish that the show would stop dangling that relationship around every episode as a way to pull viewers in because it’s clear they know how popular they are. I especially wish that the show would be clearer about what they plan to do with Buck’s sexuality. I feel like there’s been so many hints since the beginning that Buck could be bi and I don’t know where the show is going with it.

I’ve seen people saying that Buddie isn’t going to happen and it doesn’t need to happen because there’s already other lgbtq characters on 911 and there’s a main lgbtq ship on Lone Star but I disagree. Buddie could still happen but even if it doesn’t the show could definitely still explore Buck’s sexuality. It would be so important to have a main male character who has been straight presenting on a popular prime time show come out as bi. There’s this misconception that representation in media for lgbtq isn’t that big of a deal anymore because there are so many lgbtq characters now but it is still a big deal and many shows still don’t feature lgbtq characters and storylines prominently nor do their stories justice. They definitely don’t when it comes to bi characters especially bi men.

To have a character like Buck have a storyline that would explore his sexuality would be huge. It would be even more huge if it was about him coming out as bisexual. Biphobia is a big problem not just from straight people but within the lgbtq community maybe even more so in some ways. Popular media rarely shows accurate good depictions of bi storylines. Even when there are bi characters on shows or movies we usually don’t get to see their journey like we have in media through the years with other lgbtq characters. We rarely get to see what it’s like to figure out you’re bi and to live as a bi person. As someone who is bi myself I really want this to change.

The show has made many hints to Buck’s sexuality and it’s something that they could easily explore. If they aren’t planning on going that route though I don’t get why they keep hinting at it. I don’t get why they’ve had multiple instances where people have commented on Buck’s sexuality or being with Eddie and he never corrects them. I mean once would be enough but what is the point of the show doing it over and over? I mean the Lone Star moment was just crazy to me if they don’t plan on doing anything. It didn’t just feel like a throw away joke moment especially since Buck didn’t deny it and Eddie came around the corner it felt like the show was saying something.

If the show isn’t planning on having Buck come out or putting Eddie and him together why does it feel like Buck and Eddie behave almost like a married couple? I mean they connect and know each other almost more than some of the actual married couples on the show. It feels like Buck is Chris’ other dad. I mean we saw Eddie going out with Ana but at the same time it almost felt like it did with Shannon like Eddie just trying to do right by Christopher and make sure he has mom. After the date the one Eddie comes home to is Buck. When Chris is upset the one he runs to is Buck.

If Eddie and Buck and Chris aren’t meant to be a family was does the show keep making it seem like they are each other’s safe space? It’s clear that the connection Buck and Eddie have goes beyond just being friends. It’s just unclear why the show has developed them this way and what they plan on doing with them now.

One last thing in this giant ramble. This episode was called “Breaking Point” but I feel like we didn’t see Buck’s breaking point. I’m hoping that all these bread crumbs are leading somewhere in exploring Buck’s sexuality maybe this episode title was a clue that Buck’s breaking point is coming. We’ve had lots of hints about his sexuality throughout the course of the show and this season in particular there’s been a lot of talk about how lonely he feels and how disconnected he seems to feel from everyone. So maybe we’ll get to see him talking to his therapist and exploring some of these feelings. Maybe if Eddie continues to see Ana Buck will end up feeling jealous and this will bring up feelings he hasn’t wanted to confront yet, about himself and about Eddie. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

#thanks for reading if you made it to the end #sorry these are always so long #911 fox #evan buckley #buddie #911 4x08 #911!#buck s4 #long post #911fan #taylor kelly*

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songsofacagedbird · 3 years

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you’re something out of a dream

a love letter to luxor’s balo driskell

While I think tissues are needed at this point for all three of these playlists, can I just say with Balo’s I think they’re especially needed? Maybe I’m just extra soft for Balo in general but hers personally made me the most emotional, she definitely went hard with this one. Anyway, it covers the entire Luxor timeline for her just about, major plot points and stuff, but a bit less so the reveal of her main secret that occurred during graduation honestly - as this playlist was made before that and given it took me ages to perfect the end, I’m just going to leave it be.

Again, there’s references to other muses / plot points littered throughout, as well as references to eating disorders and a couple nicer things like her love for art. I’d also like to thank Lex for her help during these playlists, from the idea itself to helping me test listen yet again, this is going to be a pattern in these descriptions and I’m sorry for anyone who like “Katie stfu” already but genuinely it’s really thanks to her that these even exist and honestly they’re actually some of the playlists I am most proud of to date.

Please keep in mind that the standard Balo triggers apply (mental health, eating disorders, abuse / child abuse). Any additional tws will be noted on their sections if they apply.

in dreams you will lose your heartaches. whatever you wish for, you keep | pre-luxor (aka pre-rp):

balo before luxor, navigating her life

Song of the Caged Bird (Lindsey Stirling) [ instrumental ] // Castle On A Cloud (Isabelle Allen) [ I know a place where no ones lost. I know a place where no one cries. Crying at all is not allowed, not in my castle on a cloud. ] // Paint the Pictures (of Verona) [ I paint the picture of the oceans I'll never see. I hold a candle through the darkness so I believe. ] // almost home (mxmtoon) [ No one ever says all the love you give might not be enough. Broke my heart in two a couple times before it hurt too much. ] // A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes (Lily James) [ Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true. ]

does it hurt to see how our smiles have changed, my friend? | summer & fall 2019:

the period of time I was playing Balo in Luxor originally, from June 2019 right up until her intervention in October

Friends In The Corner (Foxes) [ Do you need someone? Everybody's looking like they need someone. All of my friends in the corner, everybody's looking like they need someone. Pretending we don't fear the morning. ] // Scars To Your Beautiful (Alessia Cara) [ She says, “beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything. What's a little bit of hunger? I could go a little while longer,” she fades away. ] // Never Gonna Let You Down (Colbie Caillat) [ I'm never gonna let you down, I'm always gonna build you up. When you're feeling lost, I will always find you, love. ] // Running with the Wolves (AURORA) [ There's blood on your lies, the scars open wide. There is nowhere for you to hide, the hunter's moon is shinin'. ] // She Is the Sunlight (Trading Yesterday) [ And it will take this life of regret for my heart to learn to forget. Tomorrow will be as it always has been, and I will fall to her again. ]

you keep trying to get inside my head while i keep trying to lose the words you said | winter 2019 & early Spring 2020:

Balo’s hospitalization, and the time at home following it.

All the King's Horses (Karmina) [ Is it still a home when you're all alone? All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put me back together again. ] // Safe (Britt Nicole) [ Oh no, my walls are gonna break. So close, it's more than I can take. I'm so tired of turning and running away. ] // Lost Boy (Ruth B.) [ There was a time when I was alone, no where to go and no place to call home. My only friend was the man in the moon, and even sometimes he would go away too. ] // Keep Your Head Up (Ben Howard) [ 'Cause I'll always remember you the same, eyes like wild flowers with your demons of change. ] // Wake Me Up (Madilyn Bailey) [ They tell me I'm too young to understand. They say I'm caught up in a dream. My life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes, well that's fine by me. ] // Dance (Foxes) [ I want you, got no shame. This therapy's gone to waste; when the midnight hour comes in vain, you're in my head, you say my name. ]

what the fuck are perfect places anyway? | spring 2020:

Balo’s return to Luxor, leading up to her breakdown at prom additional tws: drugs and alcohol (perfect places)

Good Day for Dreaming (Ruelle) [ There's a hope, there's a spark, there's a fire. There's a light in the dark burning brighter. It's a good day for dreaming. ] // Perfect Places (Lorde) [ All of our heroes fading, now I can't stand to be alone. Let's go to perfect places! ] // prom dress (mxmtoon) [ I'm sitting here, crying in my prom dress. I'd be the prom queen if crying was a contest. Makeup is running down, feelings are all around. How did I get here? I need to know... ]

i would sell my sorry soul if i could have it all | summer 2020:

summer camp adventures, and the starts of questioning who she is

Live Life (Zayde Wølf) [ Sometimes I think that I'm the dreamer, the one that's standing all alone. Sometimes it feels like it's forever since I've truly felt at home. ] // Celeste (Ezra Vine) [ You're something out of a dream, messing with my head and I've been looking for you. Are you hiding? ] // The State of Dreaming (MARINA) [ If only you knew my dear, how I live my life in fear. ] // If Only (Dove Cameron) [ If only I knew what my heart was telling me. Don't know what I'm feeling; is this just a dream? If only I could read the signs in front of me, I could find the way to who I'm meant to be. ]

my heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with | fall & winter 2020:

balo’s disownment, her breakup with kitty, and coming to terms with them

raindrops {an angel cried} (Ariana Grande) [ The day you left me, an angel cried. ] // Because of You (Kelly Clarkson) [ I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain, and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing. ] // human (Christina Perri) [ Your words in my head, knives in my heart, you build me up and then I fall apart 'cause I'm only human. ] // Illusion (Zedd feat. Echosmith) [ It feels like the fairytale is over. I really wanted these pages to begin with once upon a time like all those lullabies. I should've known better. ] // Cry (Kelly Clarkson) [ Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? ] // drivers license (Olivia Rodrigo) [ Sidewalks we crossed. I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing over all the noise. God, I'm so blue, know we're through, but I still fuckin' love you. ] // Until The Sun Comes Up (Gabrielle Aplin) [ Do you want to get lost? Go waste our time, lose this city skyline. Be so much better if you're by my side, find myself and lose my mind; think I need a moment to re-align. ] // Part Of Me (Katy Perry) [ Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows but you're not gonna break my soul. ] // Love Not Loving You (Foxes) [ You were always giving me all of your insecurities. How could you do it? You knew what you were doing to me. ] // no tears left to cry (Ariana Grande) [ Right now, I'm in a state of mind I wanna be in like all the time, ain't got no tears left to cry. ]

you forgive, you forget, but you never let it go | spring 2021:

her classmates choice in the gym, and it’s aftermath additional tws: drowning (When the Storm is Over)

Bad Blood (Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar) [ Remember when you thought I'd take a loss? Don't you remember? You thought that I would need ya, follow procedure, remember? Oh, wait, you got amnesia. ] // Talking to Ghosts (Foxes) [ And I can be your guiding light if you just let me, but I can’t be your guiding light if you have left me. ] // When The Storm Is Over (Sofia Karlberg) [ But when it comes down something in the air says we're 'bout to drown. Baby, we wеren't meant for closure, tеll me when the storm is over. ] // Try (Colbie Caillat) [ You don't have to try so hard, you don't have to give it all away. You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up, you don't have to change a single thing ] // Still Have Me (Demi Lovato) [ So take my faith but 'least I still believe (I still believe, in me), and that's all I need. I don't have much but 'least I still have me. ]

and i don't really care if nobody else believes ‘cause i've still got a lot of fight left in me | early summer 2021:

the story of therapy, the start of recovery, learning to love oneself, and a little bit of romance.

Daisies - Acoustic (Katy Perry) [ They told me I was out there, tried to knock me down. Took those sticks and stones, showed 'em I could build a house. They tell me that I'm crazy, but I'll never let 'em change me 'til they cover me in daisies. ] // Home (Gabrielle Aplin) [ I'm a phoenix in the water, a fish that's learnt to fly. And I've always been a daughter but feathers are meant for the sky. ] // Change (Taylor Swift) [ ’Cause these things will change, can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down. ] // Dear Happy (Gabrielle Aplin) [ Don't you worry, oh no, don't be alarmed. I'm just working it out here, working it out here. I'm somebody with a recovering heart, you've waited there for me, keep waiting there for me. ] // Fight Song (Rachel Platten) [ And all those things I didn't say, wrecking balls inside my brain. I will scream them loud tonight, can you hear my voice this time? ] // Catch My Breath (Kelly Clarkson) [ Catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show. Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told what's supposed to be right. ] // Wildflowers (Elle Fanning) [ Wildflowers you brought me are crumbled in my hands. This love that you taught me, I still don't understand. ] // Begin Again (Taylor Swift) [ And for the first time, what's past is past. 'Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid, I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did. ] // Let's Sort The Whole Thing Out (Carly Rae Jepsen) [ I love you, this is a new thing. One more drink, let's get to the bottom of it. I love you, let's sort the whole thing out. ] // Youth (Foxes) [ And as we cross the line, these fading beats have all been severed. Don't tell me our youth is running out, it's only just begun. ] // Soft to Be Strong (MARINA) [ I took my bitterness and made it sweet, I took a broken heart and made it beat. ] // Way Less Sad (AJR) [ Don't you love it? Don't you lovе it? No, I ain't happy yet, but I'm way less sad. ]

#musings ( playlists )#a dream is a wish your heart makes ( musings )#eating disorder tw #abuse tw #child abuse tw #disownment tw #drugs tw #alcohol tw #drowning tw

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bloopbyoop · 3 years

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weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!!

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe.

x :D

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mirkwoodshewolf · 4 years

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Kelly’s 6th Birthday; Queen x reader

*Author’s note*

And here we go guys the last update for now. This chapter contains an equal amount of both fluff and and angst so I hope you all enjoy it and still have those tissues and maybe some ice cream (or other sweet treat on hand cause you’ll need it). Now I’ll stop talking and let you all get to reading these chapters, hope you all enjoyed them and until the next chapter (but you all are gonna hate me for it cause I have a feeling you all may know what I’m gonna write for the next chapter).

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@platawnic

@geek-and-proud

@queendeakyy

@kairosfreddie

@onebigfangirlworld

@naturalswifty89

@bohemiansweede

@5sos-wdw

@labessieisallama

@isabella-bby

@dj-lowkey

@starswin

___________________________________________________________

*November 13th, 1991*

It was a nice cool November morning in the backyard of Roger Taylor’s home. Everywhere decorations were being put up with the help of not only Roger, Brian, Deacy, Jack’s family, and the ladies of Queen, but some of the loyal roadies both from Queen and the Rock Angel.

Walking through the garden wearing a handsewn replica of Belle’s famed yellow dress, little Kelly Kline was walking towards her mom who was talking to some of the party planners.

“Just be sure that Elton and Bernie are sitting next to each other, those two can’t be separated no matter what. And see to it that David is seated here.”

“Of course Mrs. Kline.”

*My POV*

Whew who knew planning a princess themed party was such hard work. But thankfully the planning was coming along. We hadn’t had any hiccups or misplacements. Mum as well as Gen were making Kelly’s dress since they were the most skilled at sewing, and it was nice for dad to lend us his backyard for the party. God he truly likes to spoil his goddaughter.

When I turned around I gasped in awe. There stood my little five year—well almost six year old baby girl in the famed yellow Belle ballgown dress.

Ever since she’s seen Beauty and the Beast, it’s been her favorite movie and she’s begged and begged to have a Princess themed party where she could be Belle. And so here we are.

“Do you like it?” she asked me with a hopeful smile.

“Ohh Kelly, you are an absolute vision. You are gonna be the talk of the party and not just because it’s your birthday.” I said as I kneeled in front of her and took her hands in mine.

She smiled and I held my arms out and she came into them as I hugged her. God I can’t believe my baby girl’s growing up so fast already. I mean it seems like only yesterday she was just born and now here we are almost six years later.

“How’s it coming?” I heard Jack say. We separated from each other and when he saw his daughter he gasped and said. “And just who is this lovely princess before me?” she giggled and said.

“It’s me daddy.” Jack got down and leaned in real close to her making her giggle some more.

“Why yes it is. Oh my darling baby girl truly is a princess now. Did mums and auntie Gen do good on the dress?”

“Yes, I love it.”

“Did you thank them?”

“Yes daddy I did.” He smiled and hugged our baby girl close to him before placing a peck on top of her head.

“Oi Jack mind giving us a hand with this!?” Jensen exclaimed as he and Jared were trying to hold up one of the platform towers to help make the setting more authentic.

“Duty calls, I’ll be back later.” He kissed Kelly one last time before racing off to help his cousins. I stood up and took my daughter’s hand as I told her to follow me.

“Ohh I just can’t believe how big you’re getting.”

“Mummy! Please don’t tell anymore baby stories. I’m not a baby anymore.” She whined.

“Ohh forgive me, but no matter how old you get, you will always be my little baby waby girl!” I cooed as I held her close and she tried to squirm but I warned her not to mess up the dress and ruin mum and Gen’s hard work. “Oh that reminds me. I have a gift for you.”

“Really? What is it?”

“Well your uncle Freddie had it specially made. It took a few strings, even though I told him not to do it. But you can never tell that man to not do something. And it’s a symbol that makes every princess a princess.”

*3rd Person POV*

In one of the bedrooms where (y/n) kept Kelly’s specially made diamond princess tiara. Gen and Jared’s 5 year old daughter Odette managed to find the tiara in it’s special box. She too who loved all the Disney Princess movies wanted to know what it was like to wear one that was real and authentic, and not just a plastic crown.

She placed it on top of her head and looked at the full length mirror and couldn’t help but smile at herself. Feeling almost proud and regal at this point.

“Odette?” she heard her aunt’s voice.

*My POV*

I went into Roger’s study where I had put the tiara knowing that the kids wouldn’t be able to find it in there. But it would seem curious little Odette managed to find herself in there and was wearing Kelly’s tiara. I called out to her and that’s when she jumped back and took the crown off as she began stuttering.

“A-auntie (y/n) I—I’m sorry I…I just wanted to…..”

“How dare you!” Kelly sneered as she walked up to her younger cousin. “That’s mine! It’s not for you.”

“Sorry Kelly I just wanted…..” Kelly took back the tiara and said in a snotty tone.

“Poor kids don’t get to wear real tiaras.”

“Enough!” I said in a firm tone.

“Auntie (y/n) I’m sorry…..”

“No. I was talking to Kelly.” I interrupted her. Kelly turned towards me and owled back.

“Me?”

“I thought your father and I raised you better than that Kelly.” I spoke with my mother tone as I looked down at her disappointedly. “It doesn’t matter where we come from in life, everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect.”

“But Odette took my—”

“She apologized. And it isn’t yours yet.” I stopped her before she could even make an argument with me.

“Auntie (y/n) it was really my fault.”

“I respect your honesty Odette. But your cousin must learn. Kelly,” I knelt down in front of her and continued, “We are all the same.”

“But you’re a rockstar mummy. That makes you rich.”

“Well yes, to a degree. But that doesn’t make me better than anyone else. This party for instance, can you tell me what it’s for?”

“Yes. It’s to honor me on my birthday.” She answered with pride as she raised her chin up like a real princess.

“No. It’s for you to honor your family. And to show everyone that by being a kind, and caring young girl, you will continue to grow up to be just that.” I took the tiara from her hands and held it before her as the two of us stared into each other’s eyes. “When you are crowned with this, on your birthday. It will show everyone that like a real Princess should, you will treat everyone with love and with kindness. Just like Belle did for the Beast. Now do you understand?” she smiled and nodded.

“I do mummy.” I smiled at her and I gestured towards Odette to tell her to say that she was sorry. Kelly turned and said. “I’m sorry Dette, I was selfish. I didn’t mean to get mad at you.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I took your tiara without asking permission first. Daddy and mommy says I should never take something without asking first.” The two girls hugged each other and it warmed my heart to see them forgive each other.

“Alright Odette, go run along and play with your brothers and the rest of your cousins.” She raced off leaving Kelly and I alone in the study. We walked up to the full length mirror together and I handed her the tiara once more and as she held it she said.

“It’s so pretty.”

“Your uncle Freddie spares no expense for you.”

“Can we go see him?” she asked.

Now that’s where I was hesitant. See the last time I had seen Freddie, he was looking very, very ill. And there’s not to say I was paranoid against the AIDS virus, I would never want to isolate Kelly from her favorite uncle, it’s just—I don’t want to have her be upset at seeing him like this.

“Ahh so here’s where the two Kline Queens snuck off to.” We turned around and there stood Roger. I playfully scowled at him and that’s when Kelly raced up to her godfather and said as she even did a little twirl.

“Papa Roger, don’t I look beautiful?” Roger was in awe as he said.

“Ohhh lovie, you are so beautiful mademoiselle.” He took her hand and kissed the back of it, just like he was greeting real royalty. “I can’t believe I have the highest honor of being in the presence of Princess Belle herself.”

“You’re silly papa Roger.”

“Oh lovie, I’m crazy for you!” he picked her up and playfully spun her around in his arms, the two of them laughing. I shook my head at his playful antics and that’s when he said as he stopped spinning her around. “So what were we lovely lion queens talking about before I came in here?”

“I was hoping to see uncle Freddie.” At hearing his name, Roger grew solemn.

“Uhh Kelly, why don’t we try for a visit tomorrow?”

“Aww why?”

“Well because we’re still trying to build your party love. And I need to stay here and help out with the planning. And your father still needs to finish setting up the towers and the other decorations we need—”

“I’ll take you to see him.” Said Roger interrupting me. I looked at him in shock while Kelly looked overly ecstatic.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to see him myself. Why don’t we go together.”

“Can I go mummy please?” she turned toward me giving me the puppy dog eyes that she inherited from her father.

“Well—”

“Papa Roger can take me, please I haven’t seen him in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time.” I looked to Roger and he looked at me in assurance that it would be okay.

“Alright, but change out of your dress and into your normal clothes okay.”

“But I wanna show him!”

“Hey, either you take off the dress or there’s no visiting uncle Freddie.” she groaned but she knew I was right. Roger set her down and she headed back to the room to find either Gen or mum to take the dress off and get her normal clothes back on. “You sure visiting him is a good idea?”

“Well we can’t just keep her away from him. Plus he’s been asking for her lately. Especially now since her birthday’s next week.”

“Will you tell her why he’s so sickly? I mean compared to when she last saw him at the beginning of the year, he’s gotten worse. He can barely leave the bed.”

“I know. I’ll—try to ease her into why he’s so different.” He said.

“Just—break it to her slowly. And if she cries…..just be there for her.”

“I promise love.” He said as he wrapped his arm around my neck and he kissed my forehead.

I helped her into the backseat of Roger’s car and I said to her.

“Now you listen to everything your godfather tells you. And…go easy with your uncle Freddie once you see him okay?” she nodded. I kissed her cheek and told her. “Have a good visit.”

“No worries mama lioness I’ll take care of her.” He started the engine and the car revved.

“Bye mummy!” I closed the door and he pulled out of the driveway and headed down the road to head to Freddie’s place at Garden Lodge. I waved bye to them and that’s when Jack came up behind me and said.

“She going to see him?”

“Yeah. I just—I just wish I could be there with her, she…..she doesn’t deserve to see her once mighty uncle in his lowest state. I’m so scared she’s gonna be so upset. He—he hardly has any time left. I fear he’s gonna die any day Jack.” I wept softly while he held me close to him allowing me to cry for the first time in months.

*3rd Person POV*

It took about 10-15minutes but soon enough they finally reached Garden Lodge. But as it has been for months ever since the leaked rumors of Freddie’s illness with the growing rise of the AIDS outbreak, the press were out pacing around like hungry wolves waiting to storm in and photograph Freddie.

“Papa Roger, the bad photo guys are here.” Roger growled and muttered.

“Those fucking wankers.”

“Mummy calls them desperate hyenas.”

“More like pestering vultures, but your mum is right.”

“Why do they do this?”

“For their own greediness unfortunately. Here I need you to be quiet for a moment while I make a quick call, okay?” she nodded and Roger pulled out his installed car-phone and dialed Fred’s number.

It rang a couple times before an answer was heard.

“Jim, it’s Roger. Yes I’m here with Kelly and we’ve come to see Freddie, but the press are crowding the gate…..Yes, okay. Alright we’ll wait out here. Thanks Jim, see you in a minute.” He hung up the phone and he turned to Kelly. “Care to watch a little game?”

“What kind of game?”

“It’s called ‘fool the mindless baboons.’ Any second now, a car’s gonna pull out from uncle Freddie’s place. We’re gonna make those baboons chase after the car thinking your uncle Freddie’s in the car. So while they chase after the car a few times around the next few blocks, we can go in and see Freddie, sound fun?” she nodded happily.

Then just as Jim told Roger, Freddie’s driver Terry came driving out of the gate and that’s when the press took notice of the car and took off running after it with their cameras out and all shouting over each other. Kelly laughed as she said.

“Stupid baboons.”

“You said it love, now c’mon let’s head inside before the gate closes.” Roger unbuckled himself out of his seat and quickly raced over to help Kelly out from the car.

He picked her up and held her in his arms, and as he quickly raced over towards the gate he noticed another car parked just nearby.

“Well it seems Brian and Anita are here as well.”

“Really?” Kelly’s tone grew excited.

“Yeah see that’s Miss Anita’s car right there.” Roger said as he pointed out the car. She nodded and that’s when Roger took her inside and the gate closed behind them. He walked right up to the front door and knocked twice before adjusting Kelly in his arms to move her from hanging off his hips to his waist.

The door opened to reveal Jim standing there.

“Hi Uncle Jim.” Kelly waved.

“Hello lass, hello Roger, good to see you both. Thanks for waiting.”

“It’s no problem. Anything to get those vultures off Fred’s property for a while.” Jim allowed the two of them inside the home.

Normally Freddie would either be in the music room playing the piano or in the living room with most of his children, but it was all quiet.

“I’m told it’ll be someone’s birthday next week.” Jim said trying to make conversation. Kelly nodded shyly and said.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be six years old.”

“Wow that old already? How time flies.”

“Tell me about it. Seems like she was just born yesterday and now I’ve got a growing lion cub on my hands.” Roger said as he playfully bounced her up in his arms. Kelly softly giggled and leaned her head against her godfather’s shoulder and Roger placed a kiss on top of her head.

“Can I get you both something to drink?”

“Just a warm cuppa for me, once we’re done here gotta help continue to build this young one’s princess party.”

“Alright, and for you Kelly dear?”

“Can I please have some milk?”

“Sure thing, one cuppa and one milk coming up. Please make yourselves comfortable.” Jim said as he gestured towards the living room. Roger placed Kelly down on the couch and that’s when one of Freddie’s cats and Kelly’s personal favorite Romeo came up and rubbed against her ankle.

She got down and greeted him and began to stroke him as he let out a loud purr and leaned into her hand.

“Here we are, one cuppa and one milk.” Jim said as he brought in the two cups.

“Thanks Jim.”

“Thank you uncle Jim.” Rog took a sip of his cuppa and he said.

“So I noticed Anita’s car out front, they still here?”

“Yeah, they arrived just five minutes ago before you both showed up. They’re upstairs with Freddie and the doctor.” As the two men continued to talk about grown up stuff, Kelly being the clever girl that she was, slowly snuck away from the couch and as quietly as she could, headed up the staircase to find Freddie.

When she reached the top of the stairs, she wondered along trying to remember which room was his. That was until she heard the sound of her uncle Brian’s voice. She quietly raced towards it and peeked in.

There she could see her uncle Freddie in his grand master bed. But she was shocked to see that compared to the last time she saw him, he looked even worse. He was so thin and frail, it looked like he was a skeleton in her eyes.

“I see that the garden’s been tended to Fred. Brian spoke from the window.”

“I agree Brian, are those newly planted magnolias?” Anita spoke up.

“Guys….you don’t have to pretend to make conversation with me. I’m just…glad you’re here.” Brian smiled solemnly at his dear friend. It was then Anita turned towards the door and could see a small figure quickly try to hide away.

“It would seem you have an unexpected guest Freddie.” Both Queens looked toward the door and shyly peeking out was Kelly.

“Kelly.” Said Brian. He walked over to her and knelt down in front of her and said, “What are you doing here?”

“Papa Roger brought me here. I—wanted to see uncle Freddie.”

“So that old fart finally came to see me. He downstairs?” Freddie said from his bed. She nodded and that’s when Freddie extended his arm out and said. “Come here my sweet nightingale.” She turned to her uncle Brian and even through the sad hazel eyes, he managed a soft smile as he nodded telling her to go on.

She walked over to the bed and took his hand in hers. Freddie smiled warmly as best he could as he said.

“You just get bigger and bigger every time I see you darling. And I hear you’ll be what? 8 next week?”

“No I’ll be six.” She softly giggled.

“Ahh yes, the big number six. God it’s hard to believe you’re getting older.”

“Yeah.” She said hesitantly. Even through his exhaustion he knew something was going on in her head. So much like her mother in every way.

“What is it my sweet darling?”

“I wanna cancel my party.” She said.

“What?”

“I don’t wanna have a party without you. I can wait uncle Freddie. And then we can turn it into a celebration once your better.” Freddie held onto her hand as tight as he could, but to Kelly it was like holding a baggy in between her hands.

“No my darling, we can’t cancel your birthday. It’ll be alright.” He took a soft deep breath in and said to her, “I’ll—try to be right as rain by then. I wanna see my little nightingale walking in that beautiful tiara I had specially made for her.” His index finger stroked her cheek faintly.

Kelly held her uncle’s hands tighter and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. She looked up at him, tears in her eyes but a strong face adored her features.

“I don’t care about my birthday, all I care about is you.” Kelly whispered as she placed her other hand over her uncle’s heart. Freddie couldn’t handle the level of kindness that was in this little girl. Here his niece was willing to cancel her birthday even after months of it being planned and everything coming together, and she was willing to just throw it away and wait for him to get better.

Even though he knew he wasn’t.

Suddenly he began coughing rather harshly. He turned away from her as he coughed into his left hand which held a tissue. The coughing grew louder and more harsher, it was like he was gonna cough a lung out.

“Brian!” he groaned out as best he could. He refused to let his nightingale see him like this and risk scaring her.

“Kelly love,” Brian immediately came up to Kelly who just stared at her uncle Freddie fearfully. Brian placed his hands on her shoulders trying to redirect her attention to him as he said, “Let’s leave Fred to rest, it’s alright.” He quickly picked her up and as Freddie’s doctor came over to help him, Brian and Anita left with Kelly to watch in shock at seeing her uncle so sick.

When Fred was finally done coughing, the tissue was practically coated with blood and a small bit of it even ran down his throat as well as a tear.

Kelly kept her eyes at the doors of Freddie’s bedroom and that’s when she buried herself into her uncle’s shoulder, burying her face into his mass of curls and let out a sniffle. Brian stopped and softly told Anita to head on downstairs.

She nodded and rubbed Kelly’s back comfortingly for a bit before heading on downstairs. Brian found a bench to sit on and he said as he gently pulled Kelly away from him so he could have a good look at her.

“What is it Kelly-cub?”

“Is—is uncle Freddie going to die?” she suddenly asked. At hearing her say those words, Brian had no idea what to say to her. I mean…..how does one tell a child that someone they love is dying of a terrible disease that can’t be cured like the stomach flu or the common cold.

She began to softly cry as she buried herself back into her uncle’s shoulder. Brian stroked the back of her hair trying to calm her down as he gently soothed her as best he could.

“We—we don’t know love.”

“I don’t wanna lose him!” she whimpered out.

“Neither do we.” Brian whispered back to her. Brian continued to embrace his niece for as long as he could till she just sat there motionlessly. He then decided she needed to be with her godfather at this point.

Brian stood up and walked down the stairs and when Roger saw the sight of his goddaughter he sighed brokenly. He walked up and Brian transferred her over to him and Roger held Kelly close to him and patted her back soothingly.

“I should take her back. I can come back later to see him. God (y/n) is gonna kill me.”

“She probably knew this would happen Rog. Maybe we should talk to Fred and (y/n).”

“After her birthday Brian. She doesn’t deserve to be sad just days before her birthday party. I know Jack and I can’t allow that to happen.” Roger kissed the back of her head and stroked through her mother’s inherited (h/c) hair.

After a few minutes of talking with Brian, Rog buckled Kelly up into the backseat and drove back to his place for her to rest after such an emotional day.

One week later; family and friends were invited to Roger’s place for the greatest birthday in history.

*My POV*

I was currently dressed in a white Cinderella style dress and I knew Jack would be dressed as my Prince Charming. I was adjusting my dress and putting the final touches of my makeup when I heard a knock at my door. Standing there were Roger and Brian.

“Well look at you Mrs. Kline, a true Queen.” Said Brian with a soft smile.

“Now, now boys this is supposed to be Kelly’s night. I’m merely just trying to look my best.”

“And no doubt, your majesty.” Roger did a mock bow doing a dramatic hand gesture as he bowed. I rolled my eyes at them and I said to them.

“But I’ll admit you two clean up rather nicely. Quite dapper yourselves. Like true Princes, Anita and Dominque are lucky ladies.”

“Well so far most of the guests are starting to arrive. Thankfully no press have come yet.” Said Roger.

“Good. I refuse to have a bunch of kids photographed just because celebrities are here. Especially when it comes to my kids.”

“Don’t I know it.” Muttered Brian. There was an uncomfortable silence between us and that’s when I decided to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

“Alright, I know why you guys really came up here. You’re here to talk about talking to Kelly in regard to Freddie’s health.” They looked at me. Before they could speak, I held my hand up and walked towards one of the chairs in mine and Jack’s guest room that Roger kindly lent us for the week till the party was over. “You guys know I’ve been keeping this secret ever since I found out at the beginning of the year. Not even Jack knows about it, not my mum, not Misha, not even Jared and Jensen. Kelly’s been asking questions but I refused to tell her the truth because I promised Freddie.”

“We would never have asked you to carry such a responsibility.” Roger said as he came up to me. I sighed heavily and stopped a tear from coming down my face.

“I know that every child has to go through death at least one point in their life. Whether through a pet, or unfortunately like in my case with both my parents. But—never did I think I’d have to prepare Kelly or my boys for this. How do I tell her?�� Roger placed his hand on my shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

“It’s the hardest thing every parent goes through. Believe me, it wasn’t easy to tell my kids about my father passing, they loved their grandfather and he loved them. But—if Kelly finds out a different way, it may damage her to an extent, especially if some news press makes it out to be Freddie’s fault. She at least deserves to hear it from the one person whose loved Freddie almost all her life.” Brian said to me as he stood by my side.

“And if you need us to be there for you when you tell her, we will.” I nodded and fanned my eyes out and that’s when Roger held out a handkerchief for me. I smiled and dabbed my eyes.

“Alright enough of this. Don’t want to show teary eyes at a six year old’s birthday party.” I stood up and grabbed the box that held Kelly’s tiara. “Ready my kings?”

“Lead the way our beloved White Queen.” I raised my chin up acting the part of a Queen and I left the guest bedroom and headed down the stairs and headed for the backyard.

All around there were people dressed in full costume of either Kings or Queens or Princes’ or princesses. Kids were running about chasing each other or talking at the kid’s table. There was a bouncy-castle with a dragon plushie inside. A stage was set up for not only Kelly’s ‘coronation’ but Brian and I had prepared a little something special.

To the left of the stage, there were mountains of presents and on the other side was the snack table where the cake, and all the other treats were at.

There were fun party games for the kids to play, and even some of us grownups got involved with the games like musical chairs, the bean-bag toss, and the three legged race. When the clock struck six o’ clock I grabbed my champagne glass and took my knife and lightly clanged them together as I said.

“Excuse me, can I please have everyone’s attention?” Everyone quietened down and Jack handed me a mic. “Thanks love, okay first of all I would like to thank everyone who came out here today to celebrate a very special someone. I know some of you have traveled across the ocean to get here but we greatly appreciate you taking the time to fly out here.” I spoke of my family and some of Kelly’s school friends in America.

“Now we’d like to ask that the birthday girl come up on stage. Kelly sweetie.” Jack said as he now took the mic while I walked up on stage. Kelly raced up and took her daddy’s hand and he helped her up the stairs so that she could sit on the red velvet, faux gold chair that Roger had lying around in the attic to use as Kelly’s throne for tonight.

He sat her down on the chair and I took the tiara out of the box and walked behind her and presented the tiara to everyone.

“Sweetheart, your mother and I would like to finally present you, your crown. For it was on this hour just six years ago you graced us with your lovely presence.” I placed the crown on my daughter’s head and that’s when Jensen and Jared came up carrying the cake while Misha lit the candles. Once the candles were lite we all began to sing to her.

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday dear Kelly.

Happy birthday to you!

I swore at this moment, I thought Kelly’s smile was just gonna pop right off her face with how wide it was. At the end of our song, Misha kissed his granddaughter and said.

“Make a wish sweetie before you blow them out.” She shut her eyes before blowing as hard as she could, extinguishing the candles. We all applauded her and she hugged her grandfather first before turning to me and wrapped her arms around me and gave me a kiss. I kissed her temple and rubbed her back happily.

We all then had cake and ice cream, and all the while mum was in charge of taking the pictures and she sure did get in a lot, especially of her precious granddaughter. Brian was also our main photographer and while Kelly was opening her presents, I pulled both Brian and Elton aside so that we could prepare the next special surprise for Kelly.

After getting a whole bunch of presents from new Barbie dolls, to drum kits, mini-guitars and dozens of other games and toys, Kelly thanked everyone for her gifts and that’s when Elton sat down behind the keyboard while Brian and I came up on stage.

“If we could have your attention for another quick moment.” Brian spoke into his microphone. “Kelly love, this is a special gift that your father had us prepare for you. We hope you like it.” Elton soon began playing the opening chords for “Beauty and the Beast” and soon coming out from the left side of the stage, Jack had changed from his white Prince charming attire to the famed blue outfit the beast wore.

Play video

As I softly began to vocalize, Jack walked up to our daughter and knelt down to her height as I began to sing the first part of the song. He presented our daughter with a rose and she smiled and took it from her daddy before standing up and curtsying at him.

When Brian came in with the next part of the song, Jack extended his hand out and she gladly accepted it and the two of them walked out before the stage as Brian and I began to sing the duet part of the song.

For you see as many times as she’s seen the movie, she always made Jack dance with her the exact same steps that they do in the movie. It’s honestly quite adorable to see as the film running, the two of them get the spins and turns right on cue.

So for months; Jack has wanted to finally do the dance the right way. And since Kelly wanted a Princess themed party, this was the perfect time for him to get tailored in the exact beast outfit and he had me practice with him the exact steps while Kelly was in school so that he could get it right.

But I knew I couldn’t sing this song on my own so that’s why I chose Brian to be my singing partner because when he needed, his voice can do such raw passion in an angelic belt, but he could control the level in which he did it.

We were also lucky to have Elton join in on the party because Bri isn’t as big of a fan of the keyboard as he is with the piano. So Elton gladly stepped in and got the sheet music for the song (since under secrecy he’s apparently involved with an upcoming Disney film).

As Brian and I kept singing the song, Kelly and Jack continued to do the waltz right down to the last step. It was like seeing a live action of the film right before us. I could see the kids were in awe and the grownups couldn’t help but fawn at how adorable it was.

I could see Roger leaned up against Dominque’s shoulder and she leaned her head against his as the two of them softly swayed while keeping their eyes on the adorable dancers up front. Even John had a slight smile as he and Veronica were cuddled close together.

It was like even through all this shit that’s been going on with Freddie, he still managed to find some light as he watched his beloved niece dance with her father.

By the end of the song, Jack picked our baby girl up and held her in his arms leaning his forehead against hers. A common sign of affection he’s done with her ever since she was born. Her eyes closed as she touched her nose to him.

Everyone soon applauded and I couldn’t help but wipe away a tear from my face. I hugged Brian and I said.

“We’d also like to thank Mr. Elton John on the keyboard.” Elton stood up and bowed to the crowd. When Jack put Kelly down, she walked up the stairs to us and hugged both Brian and I to the best of her ability. I picked her up and held her in my arms and she said.

“You both sang beautifully.”

“Thank you love, happy birthday.” Brian said as he pecked her nose.

“Don’t I also deserve a thanks?” Elton asked as he walked up to us. She turned to him and she reached out for him. Elton took her hand and kissed both her cheeks.

“Thank you uncle Elton.”

“Anytime darling, you danced divinely. Just like your mum does.” I playfully scrunched my face at him and adjusted Kelly in my arms.

As it got darker and it was starting to get to be the younger kids’ bedtimes, we ended the part right at 9 o’clock. I handed out all the party favors and thanked everyone for coming and they thanked us for inviting them.

I just got done hugging and kissing Elton and Bernie goodbye and thanked them for coming, when David was the next to come up.

“Thank you so much for coming David.”

“It was my pleasure love, and I hope the mini you had a great birthday.” Kelly who looked like she was about to pass out on Jack’s shoulder yawned and nuzzled closer to her dad’s shoulder. “I’ll take that as a yes.” I handed him his party favor and we kissed each other’s cheek goodbye.

“I’ll get her bathed and ready for bed.” Jack told me as he walked back inside the house. Soon my mum and Gen came and helped out with the rest of the party favors for the guests while the boys took care of taking down the decorations and clearing out the backyard of the Taylor household.

Half an hour later, everything was all cleaned up and thrown away. I yawned tiredly when Dominque said.

“Never thought a six year old’s party could be tiring work huh?”

“I’m just thankful we didn’t have any press stalking about, or any insanely sugar crazed kids. And luckily we were enforced with more adults than most parties I’ve taken the kids to.”

“I’ve got most of the important parts of the party recorded. I can edit it out then ship it to Freddie in about 3 days.” Said Misha.

“Perfect, thanks dad.” He nodded and gave me a kiss and a hug.

“Give my regards to the birthday girl.”

“Will do, you and mum have a safe flight back home tomorrow.”

“We’ll call you guys when we land.” I nodded and that’s when he and mum left the Taylor household back to their hotel to get some rest before flying back to the states.

“Well I better get out of this dress, god this corset has been killing me all night.”

“But you definitely work it girl.” Dominque said. I playfully stuck my tongue at her as I carefully walked back up the steps. As I came to the bedroom, I heard the sounds of Kelly’s laughter. I leaned against the door and peeked in and that’s when I saw both Jack and Roger tickling her.

“Four…..five…..” Jack counted down.

“Five and a half.” Roger continued for him. Oh dear looks like both of my boys have decided to gang up on my poor baby girl with the annual birthday tickles.

I don’t know whether to be relieved that I no longer need to deal with those from Roger anymore or be ashamed that my daughter must now carry the intense burden of Roger’s evil tickles.

“Five and three quarters…..and…..”

“Six.” They finally stopped leaving Kelly in a pile of giggles.

“Are you two jerks torturing my poor little cub again?” I asked revealing myself. The two guilty men turned towards me and Kelly whined out.

“Mummy they kept tickling me.” I awed at her and came over and picked her up and held her close.

“I understand your pain. They are cruel, heartless tickle demons aren’t they?”

“Oh come off it darling, you know you loved it when you got your dose of birthday tickles.” Roger said.

“You were a sadistic torturer Roger Taylor. Like a true lion on the hunt. And you Jack Kline, are like a sneaky wolf trying to claim a lost lamb for lunch.”

“Maybe, but I didn’t hear you complain.” Jack teased. I shook my head at the two of them and that’s when I said to Kelly.

“Alright birthday girl, time for you to go to bed.” The boys got off her bed and I tucked her in. “Did you have a good birthday?”

“The best, it was a lot of fun. Thank you mummy.”

“Well you should really thank your godfather for allowing us to use his house for the party.” Roger knelt down beside her and she said through a yawn.

“Thank you—papa Roger.”

“Only the best for you my little lovie.” He said as he stroked her hair and gently brushed some strands aside. He kissed her forehead and gave her an Eskimo kiss before standing back up. Jack then knelt down on her other side and she said.

“Thanks for dancing with my daddy.”

“Hey you know I’d do anything for you. You’re my best girl Kelly.” He gave her a kiss and the three of us left her bedside and stood by the door.

“Goodnight love.” I whispered.

“G’night mummy, daddy, papa Roger.” She said back.

“Sweet dreams birthday girl.” Said Roger with a gentle smile.

“See you in the morning sweet pea.” Jack said as he turned off the light and we left as he closed the door behind him. We both bid roger a goodnight and we went over to our bedroom.

After getting a shower and changing into my night clothes, I got into the bed beside Jack and we kissed each other.

“Another successful birthday.” He said with a warm smile.

“I’d say we did pretty good.” I shrugged. We then lay down together and as I pressed my head against Jack’s chest I began to worry about tomorrow because it would be in the morning that Brian, Roger and I would talk to Kelly about Freddie’s health.

I wasn’t going to enjoy it, but I knew it had to be done. Cause like Brian said, I’d rather her hear about it from me, rather than an article in the paper or magazine completely blowing it up based off of radical minds.

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thealternateuniverse · 4 years

Text

CANDY

WORD COUNT: 3000+

Please let me know if you wanted to be tagged 😊

Summary: Where Colson meets the girl in a strip club and kept thinking of her the whole time.

"AAAAAAY!! COME HERE BABY!"

Vegas has the best strip clubs. Dang the girls here are hot. Like with this one and Colson has been staring at her while she perform. He couldn't take his eyes off her.

"What's your name baby?"

Aww what a vixen. She stood out among all the strippers here, and she's the star stripper for tonight.

"Candy." That's her stripper name but he wanted to know her real name. "Well I'm curious how sweet you taste Candy, wanna have fun tonight?" Candy leaned down in front of him, both hands on his lap.

"Oh? But aren't you a community dick?" His friends 'oohed' by Candy's remark. He felt himself blush too because he was never sacked like what this girl did.

"Sorry Mr. Hotshot, got better dicks to pull." The woman blew him a flying kiss and a wink leaving him agape.

"Yo! What the fuck! Kells you alright?" Slim slapped his shoulders then the gang started laughing again.

That was so mean, shouldn't be strippers throwing their selves to the famous? Then what the hell was that?

Shaking his head and shrug off what happened, Kells looked around to see if there's someone who can give him a lap dance or something to forget that Candy girl.

But he couldn't, so he brought a girl in their hotel and fuck her senseless thinking she is Candy.

---------

The gang just got back to L.A when Colson recieved a call saying he's been invited to Paris fashion week. Even though he barely rested he flew to Paris for the said event, heck he still have hangover.

Some of the guests are A-list celebrities and he feels a bit out of place he thank gods when Douglas is also here too.

"Dude, this is overwhelming." Douglas is pacing back and forth in their dressing room while he's pulling up his tight leather pants.

"Yeah, to think you have to wear this expensive clothing."

Kells is still trying to zip up his pants and when he did he groaned because his bulge is too obvious, for sure everyone in the net will be feasting his package later when their photos will come out.

"Can we fast forward and go to the after party already?"

Kells grinned. "Hell yeah." Kells loves party and he will party hard later and weed of course, he haven't smoked a blunt since he got here.

Douglas and him went to the event running late, they were mob by paparazzis before peacefully entering the venue.

"Now showtime."

They were seated not too far from T-stage and can clearly see the models. Kells started get bored so he scrolled in instagram looking from time to time to the show.

He almost drop his phone when he saw a familiar looking woman walking down the runway.

He even blink his eyes to check of he is not hallucinating.

"Holy Shit. I didn't take any drugs or weed am I?" His mouth in agape while his sight followed a certain someone walking in the damn catwalk. It's Candy.

The stripper from Vegas, the only difference is this one is a brunette Candy was blonde.

Impossible. He shook his head, maybe he was just hallucinating or hangover. Damn that woman, can't get off his mind, he needs a fuck later.

Suddenly he is interested in the show. He waited until the final walk and all models are on stage.

His gaze landed on Candy, and never look anywhere.

"I see you are already interested at someone." Douglas nudged him but his sight never left Candy.

"That's Nicole Mckagan." He look at Douglas this time, brows furrowing.

"She's related to Duff Mckagan?"

She is related to Duff Mckagan, indeed she is.

"Yep. She's the third daughter, she's his wife's niece but the couple adopted her." No wonder this one has the Susan Holmes edge.

But he could be wrong, this couldn't be her. She is known in the industry and why would she be a stripper?

----

The show was a blast and everyone hugged together backstage after the show. Nicole was overwhelmed by the success and also being part of it.

This was one of her dream, to walk in Paris fashion show though runways aren't new to her anymore. She only wish Mae was with her but her sister is also somewhere doing a show, they are kicking ass in fashion and their parents couldn't be more proud.

"What are we waiting for? Let's get the party started!"

Everyone changed to their after party outfits, Nicole changed into her body con dress pairing it with a high thigh boots and a faux fur.

It was all flashing of lights and shouts from paparazzis when they one by one left the venue. Famous models were mobbed by pops and some A-list celebs.

"Biiiiitchh!"

She turned when she heard that familiar voice. It's none other than her sister/cousin Grace. The eldest among them.

"Grace." Grace Mckagan ran to her and embraced her in a bear hug. Because of her heels Grace looked even smaller. They are all gracefully tall but Grace is the shortest of the three. "Can't believe you flew to Paris." She kisses her sister's cheek.

"Well mom and dad went to NYC for Mae so I came to Paris for you."

Their parents are supportive and never misses when it comes to their big shows so someone must come to watch.

"I love you, now why don't you come to the after party with me?"

They went to Nicole's car waiting. "Yes please. You're killing that faux fur though."

They both giggled. The two catch up while in the car. Grace had been busy with her gigs, she's the only one who pursued music in the family. Mae is good with music too but it is not just her path of career.

Even though they aren't her real parents she is thankful for them for bringing her into their life. She couldn't remember her real parents, because they died in a car crash when she was just a baby and the Mckagans adopted her. Her mom now (Susan) was her aunt biologically but since they adopted her she considers her as her real mom same with Duff.

They arrived at the party and everyone turned their direction to them. They are quiet known but not that famous so its no surprise when there are head turning sometimes.

"Oh my gosh Graceyy!" Taylor, Nicole's friend ran to Grace to hug her.

"Tay!" Taylor is a Victoria Secret Angel and a humble person who really worked their way to the top.

"What's up Tay, nice show by the way." Grace kissed Taylor, Taylor rolled her eyes. "Well yeah but RIP to my feet. These heels are killing me. C'mon girls let's enjoy the part."

The place is crowded but not in a suffocating way.

"You go girls I'll just go to the washroom."

Taylor and Grace went to their fun while she went to the long line of bathroom.

She is rummaging through her purse when she bump into someone really tall.

"I'm sorry I wasn't look---"

"It's alright Candy."

She stopped in her tracks and look up to see the person she bumped with.

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"Fancy seeing you here eh?"

He knew her. He recognized her. The person she avoided to see ever again.

"Come on forgot me already?"

A smirk formed in his lips. She dreaded this day that they will meet each other again after that stupid dare in sin city.

They were having fun that time in Vegas, she lost in a game and stripping was one of the consequences it was just unfortunate that she encountered Machine Gun Kelly and they meet again today and for sure he already found out who she is. She will be in doom.

"I'm----I--I----fuck damn it."

Nicole pulled him out of that place and they went somewhere less crowded. She lets go of his hand and face him.

"O-okay first, forget that it happened and I wasn't the person you met that time. It was------ god just forget it."

Kells smiled. He don't know but he find the situation amusing.

He just wanted to know her and fuck her but Nicole Mckagan is something else. Why was she in that strip club by the way?

"Well Candy---"

"And don't call me that." Nicole cut him off. He grins.

"Okay but Candy, you know I'm not the type of person who forgets easily. Especially when they blackballed me."

Candy--Nicole's jaw dropped again for the second time.

"Please just forget it and---and don't tell anyone."

He isn't like that but he could use it as an advantage in the situation.

"Okay."

Nicole's eyes lit up. "But one date."

She look at him unbelievably.

"I'm sorry what?"

Kells is grinning at her again.

"One date. Tomorrow before I leave Paris."

Even if this fashion week will be over, she doesn't know whe he will be over, at some point they will meet or bump each other again in L.A.

So for the sake of her dignity.....

"Fine, one date. Tomorrow."

Kells gave her a triumphant smile.

"I'll pick you up at 10. Enjoy your night Candy."

He leaned to give her a peck almost kissing her on the lips.

What did herself got into?

----------------

Nicole woke up at 9:30 with a slight hangover. She didn't drink much last night because her thoughts were running about MGK and their date. Which is today. God why did she agreed when she saw how he was with the girls last night.

"Jesus its 9 go back to sleep Nics."

Grace said in groggy voice. She was the one who had really fun last night.

"God. I hate you, now I have to deal with him because of that stupid dare."

She got off from their bed and went to the bathroom. She took a bath and brush her teeth and Grace went inside while she is doing her make up.

"Oh my god. Nicky! It's destiny!" Grace gush while leaning on the door frame.

"It's a nightmare. It was embarrassing...." It was really embarrassing. They met in an odd circumstances if things were different...what? He won't even noticed me Nicole thought, but she shrugs it off.

"It's okay to date Nics after that dick ex of yours."

That's one of the reasons why they were in Vegas. To have fun after her break up.

She changed into one of her turtle necks, a pair of high waist jean and a pair of high heeled boots.

Nicole is doing her hair when there's a knock on their hotel door.

It must be him. She suddenly felt nervous. Relax it's just a fucking date. She convinced herself. Grace open the door for her her sister hasn't even fix herself.

"Oh, I do really believe in destiny." Meanwhile Kells was furrowing her brows when someone opened the door for him instead of Cand--- Nicole.

"Go back to bed Gracey. I'll be back later bye."

She kissed the other girl's cheek before closing the hotel room's door that makes the two of them in the hallway.

"Uh sorry about my sister. She's just hangover."

He checked her out first before responsing. The girl is simple yet elegant and Colson can't help but smile. "No it's okay. Come on."

He made sure not to drink too much last night so he that he isn't hangover for their date. He also have his polaroid camera with him, just to take photos and remember this day in Paris with her.

They had their brunch in a French restaurant near the hotel and to be honest she had no idea where he is taking her.

The two talked about what they did last night, all about the fashion week while listening intently to each other.

"I really thought you were a stripper. Turns out your a model, imagine my shock when I saw you walked on that runway.But if you are a stripper I don't mind its much better." Nicole giggled at Colson. He is a funny guy and a dork. And she didn't label her as Duff Mckagan's daughter, back in high school she was just befriended because she is the daughter of Guns n Roses bassist.

"Well Mr. MGK I believe women should be mysterious."

Colson cringed when she called him MGK. "Dude, call me Colson or kells. And yeah I like mysterious ones especially when they left you blackballed." Nicole blushed, she never thought that he finds her sexy.

"Why are you so after me."

She asked. She's just curious why someone like him (who have girls throwing themselves at him) is interested to an average model like her? Well he's famous, he is good looking and sexy. He is funny too.

"Why not? I like you." He answered in a casual way. Another blush crept to Nicole's cheeks.

"Well...whatever Colson."

She can't help but grin. After their brunch he brought her to Seine taking a boat cruise and having a view of Eiffel tower.

After the cruise they went biking around the Eiffel. They laugh the whole time because they are too tall for the bike especially Colson.

"Yeah, run along chicken legs." She stuck her tongue out at him. Colson is behind her trying to fit himself in the goddamn bike.

"Hey Candy look!" She stop to look back at him. He's holding a polaroid and looks like he's taking a photo of her.

"Hey! I wasn't prepared!" She protested, probably he took the shot where she looked like she is lost in Paris.

"Nice try Candy! Hahahaha." And she was right. Her mouth was open and her brows are furrowed, looking like a lost tourist.

"God I hate you."

Colson keep taking candid shots when she isn't looking. Nicole cursed out, why didn't she brought her camera?

She could take a lot of pictures here, the view is just aesthetic.

"Why don't we do something crazy and stupid?" Colson suggested. That's the last thing she wanted to do. The last time she did it in Vegas it led up to her meeting him.

"Like what?"

And seems like the heaven is listening to him when the rain pours.

"Oh my god!" She held his arm and they both started to run.

"Wait!" Colson halted causing her to stop running to.

"We're wet already why don't we just have fun?"

Nicole look at him like he is crazy but fuck it. They are wet already might as well enjoy the rain.

The two of them soaked in the cold rain of Paris, dancing and playing like children. Nicole never felt this childlike again. Passersby are looking at them like they gone crazy, but this is fun especially when you have someone fun too.

Nicole won't forget this very moment, under the rain with a guy in a leather trench coat, leather pants and a boots.

----------

It was dusk already and they are already dry. The two of them watching the sunset.

"You're fun for a rapper you know."

"And you're fun to be a stripper." Nicole threw her the nerds they are eating.

"Well today was epic. Thank you though." Colson's gaze landed on hers and smiled.

"Nah, I should thank you. Not gonna regret saying yes to the date."

It was her turn to smile at him.

"Why were you at that strip club though?" Her smile twitched and she looks back to the sun setting.

"It was just a stupid dare of my friends. I lost a bet and then I became a stripper with a name of Candy." The dare was just to dance. She was just being reckless to entertain him during that time.

"Oh, well you nailed it." She is flattered by his compliment.

"You're really nice Nicole Mckagan and I'm looking forward to knowing you more."

Her heart raced, she stare into his blue orbs and captivated by its color. She never thought he could be this beautiful and captivating. His eyes never left hers when he lean forward, forehead to forehead and nose touching.

Nicole licked her lips and Colson's eyes landed on itss lusciousness.

She closed her eyes when he moved closer and closer but interrupted when his phone rings.

Colson muttered a curse before leaning away amd answered the phone.

"Sorry about that, its my manager. It's our flight."

Nicole nodded. Of course, he is going back to L.A. She don't know but she is saddened by the thought.

"Well I should bring you back to your hotel though." She nodded again. They made their way back to her hotel but her mind is still stuck of what happened. Were they going to kiss?

If they weren't interrupted maybe? God what was she thinking. You couldn't like a person you just met right? Plus she doesn't even know if he is serious. He said he likes her, he didn't specify if as a friend or what. Maybe she was just his distraction while he's here or he is just bored and took advantage of the situation.

"So I guess this is you." She was deep in her thoughts she didn't realize they are already in her hotel room.

"Thank you, for today."

Colson smiled and went to hug her.

"And for keeping our little secret." He giggled while she blush. "I believe in the saying, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

And today, what happens in Paris stays in Paris.

"Nice to meet you Nicole. See you when I see you."

Nicole smiled. She's a bit sad but she know that they will meet again someday.

"Thank you Colson. Bye have a safe flight." She was hesitant to do this but anyway she tiptoed and gave him a peck on the cheek.

She didn't wait for his reaction and went inside her room leaning on the door while her heart race. She stood there for a minute before realizing she forgot something. She didn't have his number.

She opened her door again hoping he's still there but no. He already left.

With a heavy heart she laid down on her bed thinking about how this trip to Paris went.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, a piece of paper fell from the pocket of her jeans when she fished out her phone.

Just in case you forgot Candy

+1-***-****

Nicole can't help but smile. He's cute, what a sneaky bastard.

She opened her phone and her notifications are blowing up.

She opened the one from TMZ and her eyes widened when she saw their photo from last night. When he and Colson are talking and the one where he kissed her.

Oh god. Duff Mckagan will lit her ass.

@mgkobsessed

#machine gun kelly #mgk #colsonaker #kells #ticketstomydownfall #hoteldiablo #candy #mgkxreader #colsonbakerxreader #colsonbakerfanfic #machinegunkellyfanfic #machinegunkellyxreader

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prettyfunny-blonde · 5 years

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Episode 2: Amber May Unfiltered

After being abandoned by her birth parents when she was born, Kennedy Taylor Carmichael born in West Palm Beach, Florida better known as her ring name Amber May was a foster child. Spending most of her life in foster care until she was adopted at the age of 17. Kennedy went to the University of Miami and has her bachelors in theater and dance. At the age of 19, she met her her fiancé in college and they got engaged by that next year. Unfortunately he was diagnosed with stage four bone cancer two weeks after they got engaged and passed away six months later before they could get married. Kennedy got into wrestling as an outlet for her grief and trained in Orlando. She hasn’t won any championships because she’s only ever worked for AEW but this 23 year old has been making her name known in the company and her journey will only become better. We are about to Unfilter, the life of AEW Superstar, this is her story; Amber May!

“First and foremost, thank you for sitting with me and being my first guest on the podcast. How are you?”

Renee said.

“I’m alright Renee. Dead tired from all the signings this week piled on top of my training schedule. How are you?”

Kennedy responded as she crossed her legs under the table with a smile.

“I’m great, you all go through so much. You need to take some relax time. I try to do that but I’m the type of person who needs to be moving and doing things. Are you like that too?”

Renee sat back getting more relaxed.

“I could definitely use more relaxation in my life, but ever since Austin and I started dating he makes sure I actually take the time to relax, which is nice.”

Kennedy said. Renee sat forward as she crossed her legs over switching her sitting position as she listened.

“Aw, I’ve seen you two together. Such an adorable couple. How long have you both been dating and how did you meet? Did you both start dating before or after working together on screen?”

“Thank you. I like to think we’re cute together. We’ve been official for just over two months now. He asked me when they sent us on that couple’s trip. But we’ve been talking for much longer. We were talking before we worked together on screen, but I think being together on screen brought us even closer.”

Kennedy smiled.

“That’s amazing, so I want to just get to know every individual who is on this podcast and I wanted to know more about you, how you were brought up as a child and what your life was like before coming into AEW. Who was Amber May, well I guess who is Kennedy Carmichael.”

Renee laughed.

“Kennedy and Amber are definitely very different people.”

Kennedy said, as she continued speaking.

“Well I didn’t really have a stable childhood since I spent most of it in foster care. My biological parents abandoned me when I was born, I’ve never met them. Bouncing around to different houses was very stressful, and it made it very hard for me to trust people. I spent most of my life thinking I’d never have a real family. But that changed when I was adopted at 17, which is very abnormal. Most people don’t want to adopt teenagers, especially ones who are about to age out of the system. But the Carmichael’s took me in and treated me like I was their own. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.”

“Wow, I cant imagine being through that as a child. It must have been so hard. You were abandoned? Do you know like what happened? Have you were been told, like did they just drop you off somewhere? Do you know any info about how all that happening?”

Renee said.

“I don’t know anything about my birth parents. They left me on the steps of the fire department in West Palm Beach. No one saw them and it was before security cameras. It used to really get under my skin, but I’ve accepted it and I don’t really want to know who they are. I’m afraid that if I do it will bring up a lot of things I don’t want to have to deal with.”

Kennedy said.

“Wow, yeah I can understand that. So you really answered my question about ever wanting to meet them. Were you close to anyone as a child before getting adopted by your now parents?”

“Not really. I kept to myself in most of my foster homes. It’s why I don’t have a whole lot of friends even to this day. I don’t know how to make friends”

“Are you close to your family now? Was it hard to adjust and gain that trust with them?”

Renee asked as she took a sip of her water next to her.

“We are very close. It took me a while to get comfortable because I just expected to be passed off again but they’ve been really understanding and helpful.”

“How was school for you?”

“It was hard for a while. Changing schools every year or so I always seemed to be behind, but I managed to figure it out by high school. Well enough to get a full ride to the University of Miami.”

“Were you always the new girl? Were you bullied at all?”

“Pretty much. It came with it’s fair share of bullying but I didn’t have it as bad as some people, that’s for sure.”

“In college, you got your bachelors in theater and is it dancing?”

Renee asked trying to remember what she had saw in her research on Kennedy.

“Yeah I thought I’d be an actress but alas wrestling was my true calling.”

“Let me tell you, you have an amazing career ahead of you. I watch your matches and I love them! You have a natural talent I guess for it. What got you into wrestling. Were you always a fan?”

Renee smiled.

“I appreciate that, Renee. I actually had never watched wrestling before I started training. A lot of people didn’t like that when I was training. But I found it as an outlet for my grief after losing my fiancé.”

Kennedy bit down on her lip as she looked down at her hands.

“I can relate to that. I wasn’t the biggest fan of wrestling coming in. My dad was a promoter and I got to meet the superstars and when I got into journalism, I got offered this opportunity. I can definitely understand what you mean there. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your fiancé, that must have been such a hard time. If you don’t mind me asking how did wrestling become a way of grief for you when he passed?”

“I was just able to get all my anger out in the ring, and do it safely. It also made me feel things again when I had gone numb. The pain made me remember that I was still alive and that he wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my life moping.”

Renee nodded her head.

Are you comfortable with talking about your fiancé? If not, we don’t have to go there

Renee said with caution.

“I am. Though I may cry. Just a fair warning”

“Aw, no need to apologizing if you do cry. So tell me how you met?”

Kennedy nodded as she continued to look down as she spoke

“I was actually dating his best friend at the time. He and I got close as just friends, and my boyfriend got incredibly jealous. In hindsight probably rightfully so, but at the time I thought I was ridiculous because I just liked having a best friend and I wasn’t looking for him to be anything else. He definitely caught me by surprise. Any time I’d have relationship issues, he was there to listen and try and help me, and one day I just decided that I wasn’t going to spend my life fighting with a man, which is what I was doing with his best friend, so I ended it. And then Tyler and I continued to get even closer until we realized we wanted to be together. He picked up on it long before me, but he was patient. Needless to say he and the other guy weren’t friends anymore.”

“As crazy as it sounds, sometimes things like that happen. Your best friend becomes something more and it takes you by surprise. I can definitely relate to that with you. Now, how long were you with the previous boyfriend, when did Tyler become your best friend as well?”

I only dated the guy before Tyler for 3 months. Tyler and I became friends almost as soon as the other guy and I started dating. He actually came on our first date with us. It was kind of weird. But once we became friends we were inseparable

That’s adorable, so you guys dated. You got engaged? What happened? He got sick?

Kennedy nodded, as she choked up a little.

“Yeah...stage four bone cancer. It wasn’t pretty.”

“And how long after did he pass?”

Kennedy had tears in her eyes.

“Six months. He got diagnosed two weeks after we got engaged and six months later he was gone. I tried to have our wedding before he passed, but he kept saying he wanted to wait until he was better and could stand at the end of the aisle and wait for me. Needless to say, he never got better.”

Renee reaches over with her hand on top of Kennedy’s with tears in her own eyes for the girl

“Honey, I’m so sorry. That had to of been so tough for you. I can just see in your eyes how dearly you loved him and how much he meant to you. I want you to know while it’s hard because he’s not with you, he is always, always with you! He’s in your heart and that’s where all the amazing memories you shared are. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you.”

Kennedy started crying, trying to gather her thoughts. She paused and took a breath.

“I was so lucky to be able to experience the love we had for each other. I feel like a lot of people never experience it, and while I only experienced it for two years total, it’s something that completely changed me. And I’m so lucky to be with someone now who doesn’t expect me to just forget about Tyler. Austin is so understanding of the whole situation, and he’s just amazing.”

“And that’s what makes everything worth it. Considering everything you have been through and gone through. It will be hard for you to open up and you need people who are understanding of you and what you have endured in life. Austin being the way he is, it’s amazing to know how good he is to you. I see the chemistry with you and I just want you to know it’s okay, it’s okay to move on. I understand how hard it could be. I think someone who can relate to you in many ways is Kelly Kelly. While always being around some of the females backstage, I got to know her a little through Maryse. She had been through a similar situation. Also Brie Bella, losing her boyfriend in high school, Bear. I have spoken to her about losing him multiple times. So just don’t be afraid to talk to people because you can inspire people who have been through similar things and pain. You are liked and loved by many of the fans and I’m sure, this can help many with coping of a loss of a loved one.”

Both girls smiled, both with tears in their eyes.

“I appreciate that Renee. There are definitely days I need someone who understands exactly what I’ve been through. And it is my hope that my pain can help someone else get through theirs. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Kennedy took a sip of the water next to her.

“Many have been through the heart breaking but losing the people completely. Heart break, there’s chances to get back that person. But I can’t imagine losing them like that completely. I do encourage reaching out to one of those girls, because I’m sure they can relate, understand and help cope with that pain.”

Renee said as she then followed up with her next question.

“Do you ever think about what he’s thinking watching over you coming into the ring and how amazing your career is going? Does anything you had with him inspire you?”

Renee said.

“I like to think he’s proud. He always believed in me. Anything i said I wanted to do, he believed I could do. Plus he watched wrestling. Loved it actually. That’s why I turned to that to help me grieve, because it was something he loved. I’d like to think I’m his favorite female superstar, but he always has a thing for Lexi.”

Kennedy said as she laughed a bit.

Alexa Bliss? That’s funny. Have you ever told her or spoken to her about that? Do you know who his favorite male superstar was?

Renee said as she laughed also.

“I haven’t. I probably should. I bet she’d get a kick out of it. But he loved Fergal. He used to get so excited whenever they were on.”

“You should totally tell them and how cool do you think it would be if you were friends with them. I bet, he would look down and smile.”

Kennedy said as she smiled.

“What do you want to accomplish here, like what is next on your journey?”

“Honestly, I just want to make people happy. I want them to enjoy watching me do what I love. Sure, I’d love to be a champion at some point, but I don’t mind being someone who’s just in story lines that make people want to watch the show. I’d really like to change my character up a bit, but I’m not sure what I want to change to.”

“I’m definitely a fan, when I first thought about doing something like this. I was hoping you could be the first guest because your just such a delight to work with and you just have such a genuine personality. I would love to see you as champion one day, and I’m sure whatever you do character wise, you will be honestly amazing. Since you have an bachelors degree in acting. I’m sure it helps with character building.”

“I may be a delight to work with off screen, but Amber has been a bit mean to you in the past. But you’re really good at rolling with it. The acting does help. I’ve thought about taking the crazy to a new level and just acting like a specific fairy tale character. Just not sure how it would go over”

Kennedy said as she crossed her legs over the other.

I think working on screen with Dean while dating. I had to control myself from laughing. Rollins and Reigns, they all were close to me as well, so I had to control myself from laughing so much whenever they did things together as The Shield. After the cameras were off. I would laugh and laugh. Dean says the most ridiculous things sometimes, then you get Seth and Roman in there. I’m amazed by everyone and how they develop their characters. I’m just a journalist, and interviewer. You all are so talented. I have to wrap this up though, which I hate because I’m really enjoying myself but I have to ask. As a child, did you see your future turning out the way it did?

Renee said taking a sip of her water next to her.

“Honestly, no. I didn’t see myself making anything of myself. But I’m glad I was wrong.”

“I love that, that is what I think could inspire fans. Where can we find you on social media?”

“@kissingkennedymay on Twitter and Instagram. Amber May - AEW on Facebook.”

“Thank you so much for being my first guest, we have to get together sometime okay?”

Renee said as she smiled at Kennedy.

“You tell me when and I’m there”

Kennedy said as she smiled back at Renee.

#Unfiltered with Renee Young #Amber May #trigger warning: death of a loved one #trigger warning: talk about cancer

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reddieandwaiting87 · 7 years

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SPN 13x01 OK Ep With A Side Of Pander

Right finally made myself do this just to get it out of the way. I’m tired, I’m sick and I can already see the dumb ass Destiew posts with more proof Dean wants to fuck Castiel’s nasty ass. Now enough of the pity party thats get on with it.

I loved the song at the start and we need more of this like Classic SPN, instead of Taylor Swift -___-.

The new title card is cool, though at first I thought it was the gate to the new world but after watching the ep (I looked at peoples comments and some gifts before deciding to watch the ep.) I think it’s actual Jack’s eye.

Good Points

* The episode didn’t piss me off to much and it is an ep I could watch again just not for awhile.

* The music at the start.

* Dean running to Sam straight away (so much for waiting all night assholes.) and we got the first Sammy of the season too.

* That scene of Mary burning was really well done and I wasn’t expecting it.

* Sam just being awesome and trying to reach Jack even though you can see Sam is terrified of him.

* Sam and Jack scenes. When Jack called Sam father I laughed. I would love more Sam/Jack bonding scenes but won’t hold my breath and I know as soon as Castiel is back, the writers will act like Sam and Jack didn’t even have a scene together.

* Jack. It looks like alot of people are already in love with Jack. Now I won’t say that but I did enjoy his seasons. The actor did a great job without being too OTT. But the whole clueless thing could get old fast so fingers crossed Jack doesn’t go from cute to annoying.

* Jack thinking Castiel is his dad. (this is a good point and bad.) While yes again because Castiel get’s another mention I rolled my eyes BUT I get that when Jack gave Castiel that power boost in S12 they must have bonded. Also that would explain why Lucifer was in a hurry to find Kelly so he could bond with Jack/get Jack on his side.

* Dean praying for EVERYONE to come back and saying goodbye to EVERYONE.

* I liked the police woman and her son (who was stunning just FYI. His eyes are so pretty.) and glad they didn’t die.

* Dean fighting the annoying angel bitch.

* Sammy using that big old brain of his and using his blood to sent the angels away. I also liked how you could see it affected Jack too. That was pretty neat.

* Sam being the one to say not to burn Castiel (which will be over looked by the assholes.) and Dean the one getting the lighter fluid. =3 Which again will be twisted to mean love but whatever.

* Sam’s speech when Castiel was burning up.

* Maybe it was just me but it looked like the cameras have been updated or something the picture was pretty clear.

Bad Points

* That girl angel with the black hair who kept calling Dean Becky. OMFG what was her deal? Did anyone else find her so rage inducing?! From her very first scene, with her whining like a bitch for fries till her death. (Thank you Sammy!! And apparently this was Sam’s first angel kill!!) I just wanted her off the screen. She got WAY too much screen time.

* Every mention of Castiel. From the “he deserved better” to “Castiel will protected me.” Had me rolling my eyes so fucking hard. I honestly could put up with this Castiel is amazing and as never died before bullshit. IF Castiel was actual dead and staying dead but no. We already now this waste of screen time will be back and fucking up like he always does.

* Dean not being able to say Castiel was dead in the Impala. Fuck off.

* Only Dean being allowed to be seen as upset because Sammy is always fine!!!

* Having Sam actual ask Dean is Castiel died. Really?!

* Jack thinking Castiel is his dad. While I get why Jack might think that it annoy’s me because I know if Sam and Jack do bond (who knows though this is SPN and Sam doesn’t get to bond with the side players often or at all.) it will just be dropped as soon as Castiel is back. And its another way to show horn Castiel into the story.

* The show is just too bright now. I miss the darker the look the show used to have.

Thats it, I’m sure I have missed stuff but I’m done.

Didn’t mention Mary/Lucifer because I don’t care. They just better not have Mary and Lucifer team up.

Next week looks good but Singer and Dabb didn’t learn anything from last season. So dumb and dumber are writing the 2nd ep of the season again......cause that went so well last year.

This episode was OK but I will just take S13 one ep at a time and not get my hopes up for anything it’s easier that way.

#spn spoilers #13x01 #my blog my opinion #spn episode review

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romancevsreality-blog · 7 years

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vanderpump rules, season five, episode nineteen: i hate it when jax is right

Welcome back!

You look gorgeous!

Jax shows up at Tom’s apartment for egg smoothie time, because of course Tom Sandoval is the kind of friend who will make you a beet smoothie with a raw egg in it when you come over. They talk about Tom Schwartz’s triplet brothers, who, two days before the wedding, are not coming. I know Katie1 claims she planned this wedding in eight weeks, but this is family. It’s not even edited to try to make any sense of it all. Jax and Sandoval are spending $1500 on tickets for Tom’s brothers to come as a surprise. It’s a nice surprise and all, but… shouldn’t Tom have allotted some of that $50k wedding money for flights and accommodations for his own family? Literally, the money Katie spent on ugly ass tea towel/cum rag wedding invitations should have been spent making sure Tom’s family was there. As if I needed more of a reason to hate Katie, this one feels the most valid.

Kristen, Brittany, Stassi, and Scheana all arrive at the alterations shop to try on their bridesmaids dresses, and I have zero opinions about them.

Y’all know that’s a straight up lie - however, I don’t think these are the worst bridesmaids dresses I’ve ever seen. They’re grey satin, with a halter neck that Brittany is busting out of, and a slit so high these girls definitely can’t wear underwear. The fabric looks cheap, and the lace-up silver heels don’t help matters much. I love the color, the pockets and the length, though and yes, Katie - it is hard to find a dress that’s suitable for eight different body types, but maybe next time don’t have so many fucking bridesmaids? Maybe?2

Alas, we get further clues into how Katie and Tom funded this wedding - a sponsored scene at a Dylan’s Candy Bar where Tom’s collecting candy for the favors! We’ve already seen this once, with Scheana and her wedding, so I hope Dylan Lauren is getting her moneys’ worth. Jax picks out candy corn, as if I didn’t hate Jax enough.

Let me talk to you about candy corn. Candy corn is the god damn fucking devil’s candy. It’s not even candy. I firmly believe Yankee Candle sells all their extra wax-bits to candy companies and they’re like “Oooh, we have stock for next year’s candy corns!!!” What the hell flavor are candy corn even supposed to have? Sugary death? You know who probably liked candy corn? John Wayne Gacy. That guy who kept his daughter in the basement for years and had children with her. Steve Bannon. There are a million other ways to get a sugar craving fixed other than eating candy corn. Go make out with Mrs. Butterworth, for god’s sake. Candy corn is the reason we have the president we do. Candy corn is the reason we cannot have good things. It tastes like asshole. No, candy corn. No.3

Jax redeems himself immediately by loving on sour belts. I love all sour candies. I know Tom Sandoval is all “sugar-free, blah blah blah” but there’s zero fat content in Sour Patch candies. My friend with a massive eating disorder in high school taught me that. Sure, it’s a ton of sugar and chemicals that probably aren’t great for you, but zero fat. I’d rather eat that than ever eat a sugar-free Lemonhead.

I have opinions about candy. They are controversial. Mostly that Snickers are overrated and Butterfingers don’t get the proper respect they deserve. When did this become a candy blog?

Stassi was having anxiety about not having a date to the wedding, but she’s not concerned anymore. She just wants to have fun with her friends, and weddings are also great places to meet eligible bachelors. And she’s right and all, but she’s also… going to the wedding of her two best friends? I doubt there is going to be anyone there that Stassi hasn’t met, and if she hasn’t met them… they’re probably someone’s date. She’s fooling herself. Anyway, Scheana’s still trying to pretend that her marriage is perfect and there is some editor just relishing every time they have footage of her saying things like, “Shay and I went to therapy ONCE, and we never needed to go again. We learned to communicate.” Yeah, like how he communicated that he was stealing all your money and disappearing, Scheana? Like that? The cameras cut to Stassi looking hilariously bewildered, just like the rest of America. In all seriousness, though, watching the giddiness and excitement they all have as the wedding gets closer just makes me even more angry. They are ALL, and especially Katie, excited for a wedding and not even a marriage. Even Tom Schwartz is like, “All we need to do is get up there and do the damn thing,” as if they’re going to play chess and not make a life-long4 commitment after you “do the damn thing”. He’s excited to get drunk with his friends in a suit, Katie’s excited to get drunk with her friends in a dress, and neither of them seem to be particularly excited about being legally bound to the other for the rest of time.5

We’re back at Sexy Unique Restaurant, where Katie and Scheana are talking to Jax, and we get another moment of Scheana Schadenfreude when she’s like, “yeah, our first year of marriage was shitty, but at least we got through it now instead of ten years down the line where there are kids around.” Clearly that didn’t work out. Scheana wants to go to a fertility doctor, though, becuase hopefully by the next year, she’ll be pregnant and have a house.

I AM CRYING LAUGHING. OH MY GOD. And I laughed even harder when Jax, who is so old that his mom went into a shallow hole in the ground covered in animal skin and his dad pushed on her belly to get him out like the polar Eskimos, was like, “I’m pretty sure Shay has to be in the same ROOM as Scheana to make a baby.” Sex Ed, with Jayson “Jax Taylor” Couchy.

There’s a completely unnecessary scene of Lisa Vanderpump riding a horse up to Sexy Unique Restaurant, lead to another scene of Lisa pretending she has any involvement with the regular day-to-day ongoings of the restaurant. She catches a glass of sangria headed to a table, and damn, if that isn’t a short pour. There isn’t even any fruit in there. Lisa claims that Sexy Unique Restaurant has “the best pours”, but this articleshows me that their most popular drink has exactly 2 oz of vodka, and according to my bartender brother, that’s a very generous pour. I’m genuinely shocked, considering Sexy Unique Restaurant is basically just a tourist trap in WeHo. Good for you, Lisa, giving your customers what they deserve. For the prices they charge, I BETTER be getting a fucking double. Jax admits he fucked up - but not after at least trying to blame someone else by asking if someone drank out of it, Classic Jax - and then decides that at work, in the middle of his shift, he’s going to tell Lisa about Scheana’s decision to freeze some eggs. This seems entirely appropriate. Jax just doesn’t think it’s a good idea because... where is Shay, anyway? No one’s seen him. He’s been cynical about their marriage since day one, and mostly just wants to make sure that Scheana has the support system she needs.

Does anyone else think Jax and Scheana banged on the DL? Anyone else? Or is this the way Jax treats women he hasn’t slept with - with kindness, consideration, and overall decency?

Lisa says what she should be saying every time one of these people comes to her to talk about someone else - “It’s not my business until she makes it my business,” and tells Jax to get back to work.

Stassi’s storyline this season is Single Sexy Stassi In The City, and so she decides that she needs to have a photoshoot as a “pick-me-up”. When I need a “pick-me-up”, I go on ASOS and spend my entire paycheck. Or I go to ABC Kitchen and yell “GIMME ALLLLL THE CRAB TOAST!” Or I take a four hour nap. I don’t have a photoshoot. She’s going to be wearing a polka-dot mesh bodysuit and two other outfits. It’s... not the most flattering look, but she rocks it in the best way possible.

Remember last week when I was like, “Where is Lala? Where is James?” As soon as James came back, I just felt like screaming. Just the sound of his accent is so grating to me. If I didn’t have to write this blog, I would just fast forward through it. So instead, I’m gonna get a beer so I can suffer through this. James may not drink anymore, but I have to drink in order to tolerate him.

Okay, I’m back, and I have my beer. James is meeting with his walking vocal fry of a girlfriend and her mother and her sister, who I could have sworn was Kelly Dodd from Real Housewives of Orange County. I hope someone gets called a cunt at this dinner, and the likelihood is even higher now. James tells us the difference between Raquel and Kristen - Raquel is a queen, Kristen is “like a hooker that you fuck on the hood of your BMW in a car park,” which in case you forgot - ACTUALLY HAPPENED BETWEEN KRISTEN AND JAMES. James, it’s not an insult if it actually happened and you didn’t pay her. Basically, James admits that he doesn’t have a job because he got fired for having a hair-trigger temper and couldn’t stop getting into fights and his job. Remember: he’s saying this to his girlfriend’s mother and sister. If my boyfriend admitted any of this to my family over dinner, my mom would look at me, and say, “Who is this unemployed white boy that can’t even hold down a bus boy job in their mid-twenties, Amanda, are you smoking crack? Get him outta here.” and I would do so promptly and then sit down and finish my pesto pasta6 while we listen to Luther Vandross.

James tries to smooth it over by being like, “I love your daughter, and I love you all too, you’re my family,” when her mom shows some (deserved) skepticism. He actually cries when they say they trust him (WHY) and he says that he sees a future with Raquel. I am cackling. Can you spend your life with a vocal fry? I mean, Kanye West did it, so why can’t the White Kanye West7?

Katie is wearing one of the worst outfits I have ever seen her wear - a lilac maxi dress over a navy t-shirt - and they’re getting ready to head up to the wedding venue. Another sign that the planning of this made no sense - they’re bringing the cake up with them, two days before the wedding even is set to take place. That cake is gonna be nasty by the time they cut into it. They’re spending $50k on a wedding but not... having... the cake delivered? Tom wears fucking flip-flops while carrying it down the steps and nearly falls, and I’m thinking, “YOU COULD HAVE PAID SOMEONE TO CARRY THIS FOR YOU.”

I am straight up being Jessica Fletcher with my investigation into the Strange Planning of This Wedding, and I am LIVING.

They’re bringing a pinata with them, and Stassi’s like, “Knowing Tom and Katie, that pinata is probably full of condoms, gummy bears, Ninja Turtle action figures... maybe some weed.” And I’m like, “Do we know this about Tom & Katie? Do we?” I’ve never known them to be that kind of fun couple, unfortunately. They’ve never shown us them as that kind of couple.

Back at Sexy Unique Restaurant, Jax is behind the bar, Brittany is asking about goat cheese balls8, and... LALA’S BAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s been gone for two months, and Ariana is shook and not particularly happy to see her. Lala’s got a lot to say to Ariana that she didn’t feel appropriate or okay with saying over text - mostly how sorry she is for not showing up to her birthday. She says that sometimes when things get tough, she shuts down. She admits she’s not the easiest person to be friends with because of it. She’s in actual tears when this happens. Lala came by to tell Lisa to her face that she’s not going to work at Sexy Unique Restaurant anymore - I mean, I doubt she still had a job, but it’s nice to... get closure, I guess?

Lisa’s pretending to work at a computer when Lala comes in, and Lisa, much like Ariana, is SHOOK. Lisa does the classic Lisa thing where she reminds people of how much she’s done for them, but also reminds her that yeah - if you have a job, that’s a responsibility you can’t just disappear from. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Mindy Kaling - “Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.” I’ve suffered from some form of depression since I was eleven years old. In the fourteen years since my first suicide attempt, I’ve learned to cope with it. Some days it’s literally impossible for me to get out of bed. Sometimes I’m on the verge of tears at work. But I also have this problem wherein which I care far too much about what others think of me, and live in chronic fear of disappointing anyone, so I show up. I come in, and I smile, and pretend like everything’s okay. Sometimes you have to do it, and it always sucks. Lala apologizes to Lisa, who basically is like, “thanks, but you weren’t totally honest about what was going on in your life.” Lala assumes she’s talking about her personal life, and admits that sometimes she makes the wrong decisions. She starts crying and admits what Lisa wanted her to - she suffers from anxiety, and that makes her life hard to deal with. I’m crying along with her. I get this so much.

I personally think it’s massively unfair that I can’t call out of work “depressed” or “anxious”. I’m mentally ill, I’m sick. But because no one can catch depression or anxiety, that’s not a valid excuse. The stigma around mental illness has made it so that it’s hard to even admit to other people that’s what’s going on. I wish I could tell my friends, “I’m sorry, I’m anxious today, I can’t hang out.” I mean, I could, but I fear the ramifications of me admitting that. It’s hard to admit to others when you’re less than okay. When I get overwhelmed, I shut down. I stop talking to people. I go on Do Not Disturb and I lay in my bed. This is my coping mechanism, and it’s not a great one. The cruelest thing is that Lisa seems to dismiss this as if it’s just “Oh, young, kooky Lala, at it again!” and not as the real issue that it is.

I hope Lala’s getting the help and support she needs. I really do.

In the car on the way up to the wedding venue, we find out that Tom Schwartz’s dad isn’t coming along with (so he thinks) his brothers. Meanwhile, Kristen and her overly-manicured boyfriend, Carter9 are packing their bags, when Kristen drops the accidental surprise bomb about Tom’s brothers after being told by Brittany early in the episode. Jax had gotten mad at Brittany for telling Kristen, but... Jax actually has a worse track record with keeping secrets than Kristen did. Kristen was prepared to take the secret that she fucked Jax to the grave.

Katie and Tom have arrived at their Woodsy Elegance Wedding venue, where someone carries the cake, and they’re given the shocking amount of their wedding. Another clue as to the fact that Bravo is probably paying for this - they would have to at least put down a final payment two WEEKS before the wedding, not two days before. The grand total for their wedding is $51,462 and change. Remember how Tom was like, “oh, wow, I’m dolphinately not spending $50k for a wedding”?? He didn’t, technically. And they’re paying by check, which is the EASIEST WAY TO TELL THEY’RE NOT PAYING FOR THIS WEDDING THEMSELVES.

Let’s also talk about the things that aren’t included in this:

Tom & The Groomspeople’s custom suits

Those ugly ass $18 tea towel invites

BOOZE

WEED

Cake

Various forms of entertainment

Bridal party gifts and favors

Flowers

Photography

This is an $85,000 wedding, at least.

Kristen and ugh, Carter10 show up, and Tom is lamenting writing a $20,000 check when that’s the same amount he owes on his student loans. Here he is, spending it all on a party. But here’s the thing, Tom - NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU. You’re entirely complicit in this. I know your parents went bankruptbut... you can totally just say, “Hey, why don’t we put this money towards me NOT being in debt?” They probably make $20,000 extra a year just doing stupid Instagram sponsorships. They can afford it. But this won’t come up again in a fight, no sir.

Speaking of Rachael O’Brien, she came with Stassi to the wedding! Apparently she and Stassi got lost driving up in the dark and were without cell phone service, but the camera in their car was still working, so they probably weren’t that scared. She’s surprised no one cares. If people cared, it would have been more than just a blip in the episode, Stass.

It’s the day before Katie and Tom’s wedding, and they’re all eating breakfast. Tom Sandoval did the most Tom Sandoval thing, which is losing his suit and that subsequently missing his flight because of it. God, I love you, Tom Sandoval. We hear that Tom’s dad isn’t coming to the wedding because he hates flying, his brothers can’t afford to come, and his sister can’t come because she’s working - in case you forgot, Tom and Katie got married on a Wednesday.11

We see everyone in else in LA getting ready - Jax is anxious because Tom’s brothers aren’t the most reliable of people, and Scheana and Shay are... tense. Oh my god. Shay is so clearly over this group, this show, and definitely over Scheana. But it’s also strange because.. She just asked him if he wanted anything to eat or drink up there at the house, because Kristen was asking, and he exploded. Huh. At Reno-Tahoe Airport, Lisa Vanderpump arrives with Ken, Giggy, and another fluff ball12 with Pandora and Jason. They’re staying at a resort, and Lisa is astonished by the... woodsyness of it all. She and Ken discuss whether or not Tom’s going to go through with it all. We know he does, but they’re valid in their arguments - Ken mentions that yeah, they’ve never seen Tom complete any task. Ever.

Back at the house, Jax, Brittany, and Ariana arrive, sans Sandoval13, and we learn that Sandoval got to the gate right as the doors were closing, so he missed his flight and will miss tubing that day. Meanwhile, Jax and Brittany are sleeping in the parlour room, and guess what?

The Schwartz Triplets missed their flight. Of course.

To Be Continued...

See you tomorrow!

Random Thoughts From The Desk Of Amanda:

Katie is the definition of “just because it’s trendy, doesn’t mean you should do it.”

I love that they made zero reference to the fact that we’ve seen them at Dylan’s Candy Bar Before - with Scheana.

Has no one told Tom Sandoval that sugar-free candy gives you the shits? Someone send him a bag of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummy Bears.

I never thought it possible that there could be someone less motivated that Tom Schwartz, but... his brothers seem to be a mess.

And by Katie, I mean BRAVO PRODUCTION because none of the planning of this wedding is making any sense. ↩︎

This whole wedding has been an exercise in Katie showing off how Pretty and Popular she is. Most people don’t use their weddings to show off to their high school bullies, but then again, most people aren’t on reality television. ↩︎

Next time on Romance vs. Reality, AMANDA GOES IN ON PEEPS. FUCK YOU, PEEPS. WHAT DID BIRDS DO TO DESERVE THIS TREATMENT? ↩︎

Or in their case, twenty-six-month-long - I’m giving them a strong estimate, knowing they probably won’t last that long. ↩︎

God bless the people I associate with, because I don’t think any of them would get married just for a party. It helps not to romanticize things like that. ↩︎

Is it basil season yet? I would die for some of my mother’s pasta. ↩︎

I have refused to call James this on my blog because he calls himself that, but... I really couldn’t help myself. ↩︎

I have a high standard of cheese that has been deep fried - I will fight anyone over the last Three Cheese Ball from Olga’s Kitchen, a metro Detroit classic - but I weirdly doubt the goat cheese balls at Sexy Unique Restaurant are anything special. Now I want Olga’s, though. God damn it. ↩︎

Carter has literally done nothing this season but I fucking HATE him. I love a put-together dude, I am so pro-metrosexuality or really, men putting effort into their looks - hell I adore Tom Sandoval for doing so - but god, I really feel like Carter spends hours on his face. I bet Kristen is always on top when they have sex because Carter spent all his energy shaving. I hate Carter and his white supremacist haircut. ↩︎

Next season, I hope Carter goes with Rachael O’Brien and Vail Bloom into the Vanderpump Dungeon of Doom. ↩︎

Straight up though - why aren’t these people in the bridal party, either? In either of my brothers’ hypothetical weddings (that will never happen but still) if their respective partners don’t put me in their wedding parties... I mean. That’s lifetime beef. That’s forever beef. I would never say that directly to them, but... some things you never forget. ↩︎

Sometimes I’m worried about the lack of agency Lisa Vanderpump’s dogs seem to have. ↩︎

Sansdoval. ↩︎

#vanderpump rules #reality tv #tv recaps #this recap is so late #ONE DAY I'LL GET ONE #let's call it an amuse bouche

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richmegavideo · 5 years

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Twenty Years Later, '10 Things I Hate About You' Is More Relevant Than You'd Expect

For me and all the other mid-80s millennials, 1999 didn’t signal the end of an era. It was the start of our definitive teenage years, rich with all the compulsive hormone-driven drama that would ultimately shape us into the adults we went on to become.

1999 was the year I started high school; the year that I got what was, at the time, a state-of-the-art three-CD player on which I blasted TLC’s FanMail, Backstreet Boys’ Millennium, and Sugar Ray’s 14:59 on endless loop. It’s also the blessed year that 10 Things I Hate About You was released.

I’m guessing many adolescent girls—and boys, for that matter—at the time could relate to at least one of the characters in 10 Things I Hate About You. There was quippy sidekick Michael (David Krumholtz), doe-eyed and floppy-haired new kid Cameron (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), effortlessly and often infuriatingly twee Bianca (Larisa Oleynik), the tragically underrated Mandella (Susan May Pratt), and of course, the mewling, rampallian wretch herself, Kat (Julia Stiles).

Like Kat, I existed on the fringes of my fairly affluent, mostly white public school’s society, although my banishment was less self-inflicted than hers. Yes, I haunted bookstores in my spare time and plastered my room with torn-out pages from Bust Magazine and dELiA*s catalogs, but I was neither thin, blond, or a voluntary member of any sports team. I couldn’t understand how someone who could effortlessly bare an enviably toned midriff be so bold as to snub male attention, which was the only type of attention I craved as a swarthy 13 year old who had yet to be kissed.

But her defiance of conventional feminine attitudes captivated me. The idea that one could subscribe to their own ideals rather than conform to anyone else’s expectations was a completely new concept in a time when teenage self-discovery was only just taking root. I did give a damn ‘bout my reputation… but maybe I didn’t have to.

In 1999, Kat’s brand of feminism seemed pretty extreme. But looking back on it 20 years later, it’s surprising how mainstream certain aspects of it now come across.

“Every time I watch this movie Kat seems more and more relatable,” explains Sarah Barson, co-host of Bad Feminist Film Club, a podcast that reviews movies through a feminist lens. “At the time this movie came out, I think Kat was supposed to be a super ‘out there’ radical feminist, but the stuff she talks about feels very relevant to modern conversations about pop culture and a woman's right, or even responsibility, to speak up and challenge social norms.”

But according to 10 Things I Hate About You writers Karen McCullah and Kirsten “Kiwi” Smith, Kat may have ended up differently if written for today’s audience.

“I think Kat would have to have a more extreme form of rebellion,” says Smith. “We’d have to dig her even further into a counter-culture, because in that era, it was all pretty simple.”

Rather than merely dreaming of playing in a riot grrrl band, Smith says Kat would’ve already been shredding on her pearly white Stratocaster, playing her angsty songs at different gigs. Had 10 Things been written in 2019, McCullah sees a version of Kat that’s more in touch with the activism of today’s teens.

“Like, kind of the Parkland student vibe, I think. We would add a little bit more of that,” she says. ”I think those kids are amazing, what they’re accomplishing. When I think of teenagers right now, that’s where my brain goes first.”

Smith agrees. “That’s a good point, yeah. When we wrote it, we were kind of in a freewheeling 90s bubble, not really thinking about the larger world around us. Now, as Karen pointed out, the experience of the youth is much different. They’re much more global in their thinking than we were.”

10 Things I Hate About You has its share of shortcomings, although it’s held up better over time than other teen flicks of previous eras, like Sixteen Candles. I’m willing to bet that a fresh audience today wouldn’t laugh quite as hard when Kat flashes her soccer coach to help Patrick (Heath Ledger) sneak out of detention—even with his swoon-worthy dimples—or let it slide when Bianca drops the R-word during an argument with Kat. And let's not forget how “nice guy” Cameron manipulated the entire love triangle just so he could have a shot with the younger Stratford sister. Oof.

Even so, the characters' relationships with one another and even their personal shortcomings hold up relatively authentically in a way that few other movies have been able to accomplish.

“The Craft was the perfect movie for any woman who felt disenfranchised, and Never Been Kissed really did stress the importance of self-confidence and self-acceptance, but 10 Things I Hate About You was about real characters to whom average women could relate,” says Dr. Randall Clark, author of At a Theater Or Drive-In Near You: The History, Culture, and Politics of the American Exploitation Film and associate professor of Communication and Media Studies at Clayton State University.

Dr. Clark’s students have expressed surprise that Kat was open about her sexual experience and yet managed to escape some of the consequences that society tends to heap upon young women who have sex at what they consider to be a young age.

“It was just a fact of her life,” he says, giving credit to the movie for being “not at all judgmental about her past.”

The filmmakers’ non-superficial portrayal of an unapologetic and (one-time) sexually active feminist was a groundbreaking achievement at a time when few other feature films even dared to explore the complexities of teen girl relationships. In the 90s, and to some extent today, feminism is often mistakenly equated with man-hating, an idea that both writers resoundingly reject.

“Feminists need love too!” laughs Smith.

Earlier teen-centric comedies like 1995’s Clueless helped lay the groundwork for 10 Things by weaving together real-life scenarios with tongue-in-cheek banter that managed to entertain, but also illuminate some of the basic pillars of modern-day feminism. The fact that both are remakes of classics— Clueless being a contemporary version of Jane Austen’s Emma and 10 Things I Hate About You being a modern adaptation of William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew—that revolve around young women with BIG personalities makes perfect sense. Women finding their place in the world, and being tamed by men, is by no means a novel idea.

But one thing that many of these iconic films of the late 90s and early 2000s lack is a sense of intersectionality. Bad Feminist Film Club co-host Kelly Kauffman cites Bring It On as one example of film from this era that addresses issues of race and class that other films—including 10 Things—shied away from.

“There's definitely some parts that haven't aged as well, but on a recent rewatch, I was struck by how the movie [Bring It On] touched on sensitive issues that most mainstream movies try to actively avoid,” says Kauffman.

10 Things I Hate About You may have helped shape the modern definition of “girl power” and inspired movies like Bend It Like Beckham to depict alternative stereotypes of femininity, but it’s not perfect. The one major theme I find particularly problematic upon rewatching is the apparent lack of understanding about consent throughout the film. Kat and Bianca’s father Walter (Larry Miller) doesn’t seem to grasp the concept that sex tends to occur between two people choosing to participate. His fears are clearly distorted for comic effect, but his misguided worldview holds his daughters hostage (as Bianca points out) rather than holding their partners accountable.

This concept extends to the prom scene when Bianca’s BFF-turned-nemesis Chastity (Gabrielle Union) smugly informs Bianca that pretty boy villain Joey (Andrew Keegan) “was gonna nail you tonight,” as though Bianca wouldn’t have had a choice in the matter. Then there’s the entire plot of the film’s inspiration: in The Taming of the Shrew, multiple men scheme and plot over who could obtain the most submissive, docile wife.

But the writers are adamant that the idea of “taming” doesn’t carry over to the film.

“I think at the end of the movie, you never get the sense that her character is going to be controlled by Patrick, in terms of Taming of The Shrew,” says McCullah. “Obviously, she’s not tamed and we don’t think Patrick is the type of guy who would want to control her. That’s why she likes him.” She goes on to call him an ally, or at least a prototype for one.

Seeing a privileged angry white girl like me grapple with trust, relationships, and finding herself inspired me to follow a more unconventional path in my own right. By the end of 1999, I had moved from Sugar Ray to crust punk, spiked my hair, and amassed a collection of ballpoint pen-decorated Chuck Taylors. I eventually dabbled in dating and going to art school, although I unfortunately never did start a band. But seeing someone chase her unorthodox dreams in a world designed to stifle misfits allowed me to dream outside the box in a way I'd never been shown before.

Compared to 2019, 1999 was a relative vacuum of women in media. “There were not a lot of female writing teams when we first started,” recalls Smith. “Now it seems like the appetite for female voices and female-fronted stories is ever-expanding."

Movies like Mad Max: Fury Road and Captain Marvel, with Brie Larson starring in Marvel’s first female-fronted superhero film, prove that we’ve come a long way with female representation. Both Smith and McCullah hope the trend continues, both in their future work, in the entertainment world at large, and with the resonating impact of 10 Things I Hate About You.

As McCullah says, “I hope it keeps inspiring young girls to be badasses and not let other people define them.”

Follow Beth Demmon on Twitter.

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#Hip Hop

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richmeganews · 5 years

Text

Twenty Years Later, '10 Things I Hate About You' Is More Relevant Than You'd Expect

In 1999, Kat’s brand of feminism seemed pretty extreme. But looking back on it 20 years later, it’s surprising how mainstream certain aspects of it now come across.

But according to 10 Things I Hate About You writers Karen McCullah and Kirsten “Kiwi” Smith, Kat may have ended up differently if written for today’s audience.

“I think Kat would have to have a more extreme form of rebellion,” says Smith. “We’d have to dig her even further into a counter-culture, because in that era, it was all pretty simple.”

Even so, the characters' relationships with one another and even their personal shortcomings hold up relatively authentically in a way that few other movies have been able to accomplish.

“It was just a fact of her life,” he says, giving credit to the movie for being “not at all judgmental about her past.”

“Feminists need love too!” laughs Smith.

But the writers are adamant that the idea of “taming” doesn’t carry over to the film.

As McCullah says, “I hope it keeps inspiring young girls to be badasses and not let other people define them.”

Follow Beth Demmon on Twitter.

The post Twenty Years Later, '10 Things I Hate About You' Is More Relevant Than You'd Expect appeared first on .

from WordPress http://www.richmeganews.com/twenty-years-later-10-things-i-hate-about-you-is-more-relevant-than-youd-expect/

#Breaking News

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