#if i start talking about dennis i’ll get worried and upset so let’s not :)

[lotusss-flowerbomb]

What We Have (2)

Viktor Drago x reader

Warnings: Smut

Summary: Reader is Adonis’ adopted sister, she and Viktor falls for one another.

A/N: There is unprotected sex in this story. Remember this is fiction, so in real life, make them wrap that before you let them tap that, babe. Please keep in mind, as to not completely butcher the Russian language, everything in bold italics is Russian. Hope you guys enjoy!!

Word Count: 2,362

********

You got dressed and headed to the arena. You hadn't heard from Adonis yet, but you knew as a part of his ritual that he didn't watch any TV or get on social media before a match.

The stares and the whispers were upsetting, but Dennis stood by your side like the good friend that he is. You went to Viktor first to get a few words before the fight.

When you entered the locker room, Ivan stood and was on his way over to you. He looked menacing and every muscle in your body tried to force you to run, but you wouldn't let him see you waver. Viktor stopped his father and came to you instead.

"Here to make me look like a monster again?" His face looked like stone, but you heard the small quiver in his voice.

"I did not edit or approve that final cut. I would have never done that. No matter what, I'm serious about my job and true to who I am." You tried to explain.

He looked you up and down. The hurt in his eyes was ever present.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because why wouldn't I want to show the world that behind this tough guy exterior, you’re just a giant softy?" You shrugged.

He softened for just a split second, but as always he quickly regained his composure.

"Ask your questions and leave," Ivan said from behind him.

You rolled your eyes at him and asked Dennis to start rolling. You did your introduction first and then asked Viktor one question.

"What's your goal tonight, Viktor? Let the world know what it is that you hope to accomplish since that part of the interview never made the cut." You pushed the mic towards him.

"The only thing that I wish to accomplish tonight.... Is breaking your brother," he said and walked away.

Ivan smirked at his son and clapped him on the back.

Dennis stopped the camera.

"Why did you do that?" You asked him.

"Because this guy and his father are assholes and we need to see the champ before the match," he said loud enough for the men to hear.

Dennis was no fighter and wouldn't stand a chance against either of the Dragos, but he was your friend and he would always stand up for you when needed.

The two of you left to go see Adonis before his introduction. When you got to his locker room Duke stopped you and stared you down.

"I don't wanna hear it Duke. I did something stupid and it was caught on camera. There's nothing I can do about it now." You said to him.

"We ain't tell him nothing, because we want him to be at his best for this fight, but when it's over you got a lot of explaining to do," he moved out of your way and let you in.

You went inside and spoke with your brother, wished him luck and gave him a big hug.

"Yo, you good?" He looked at you concerned. He'd always been able to tell when something was wrong with you.

"Yeah, you know I'm always a little nervous before you fight." It wasn't a total lie.

"Don't worry, sis, I got this." He shadow boxed the air a bit and even smiled a little.

You bumped fists with his gloves before leaving and going to your seats.

You watched as Viktor hopped around in the ring. You took a deep breath and locked eyes with him. You averted your gaze when Adonis’ entrance music started playing.

You joined the crowed in cheering for the champ. Bianca stood by you a nervous wreck. You gave her hand a tight squeeze and smiled before resuming your cheering.

You watched as Adonis threw the first few punches after the starting bell. Victor wasn't even trying to hit back the first few seconds.

"Careful Dee, he's baiting you!" You yelled.

The moment you said that, Viktor started in on him. He had him backed into the ropes when the first bell rang.

When the second round started Viktor came in hot. You don't know what Ivan had said to him, but he wasted no time throwing hammers.

Your breath caught in your throat when your brother fell through the ropes. The entire crowd jumped to their feet.

"Come on, Dee, you got this!" You shouted when he stood.

Viktor landed one big punch to his ribs and Adonis dropped. He stood back up and kept taking hits, but was once again saved by the bell.

"He's not gonna let you call it, Duke," you said aloud when he climbed in to talk to him.

You looked over at the other corner and Ivan was yelling at Viktor.

The bell rang for round three and both men went in swinging. You knew it was over when Victor hit him in the ribs again. Adonis dropped to the mat and Viktor hit him with an uppercut.

You jumped over the divider and ran into the ring. You dropped to your knees by your brother's side as the doctors checked him. You turned to see Duke trying to keep Bianca back.

You stood and ran over to Viktor who watched from the other side.

"He was already down!" You screamed and smacked him across the face.

You were about to hit him again when you were pulled back by the ref and restrained. Duke grabbed you.

"I know you're upset. I know, but you gotta chill. I need you to get B outta here." He tried to talk some sense into you.

You looked over at your sister-in-law and calmed immediately. You took her outside, so you could follow the ambulance to the hospital.

You were in your office waiting for Viktor to arrive. You tapped your foot and looked at your watch again. He was 40 minutes late.

You were already upset that your boss was making you still do a post fight interview with him. He didn't care that the man literally tried to kill your brother just a few days earlier. He also didn't care about the constant gossip surrounding you. You wanted this and you got it.

"I don't think he's coming," Dennis said.

"Neither do I. You can go home," you informed him.

"Are you sure? I have no problem waiting for you to finish whatever needs to get done."

"I'm sure. A few minutes alone will do me some good, besides, I'll only be about a half hour, so I'm right behind you."

"Okay, well, good night," he waved and shut the door.

You flopped down in your chair and closed your eyes. Moments later you heard a knock at the door.

"Hey, did you forget... something..." Your words trailed off when you opened the door and saw Victor staring back at you.

"Sorry I'm late, I —"

"Your excuses aren't needed," you turned to walk away. "Your time window has expired and there is no longer a reason for you to be here. Goodbye."

His hand reached out for your wrist. You stopped in your tracks and looked down at him.

"Can we talk, please?" He asked, softly. He didn't wait for you to answer. He stepped in and closed the door.

"Let me go," you tugged.

"Please?"

"If you wanted to talk, Mr. Drago, you would have shown up on time for your session. I would like for you to let go of me, now!" You snatched away. 

"I wish you would just listen to me!" He raised his voice slightly.

"Oh, so what, are you gonna hit me now?!"

"I would never, you know that's not who I am!"

"You almost murdered my brother. I don't know who you are." You walked away to your desk and sat in your chair.

He put his hand on the knob and stopped himself from opening the door. You heard him inhale and exhale loudly.

"I am sorry. I never should have done that and I never meant to hurt you." He walked over and kneeled in front of you. He laid his head in your lap. "My father... he said some things to me in the corner and I just lost it."

"Tell me," you said.

He was quiet at first, but then he started speaking again.

"He said, 'That's why she left us.'"

"Your mother?"

"Yes..."

"I heard him tell Rocky."

"She left and never looked back. When he said that, I just lost my mind."

You lifted his head so he would look at you. His eyes were so sad.

"It doesn't excuse what you did, but you being vulnerable like this is making it very difficult for me to not just hate you." You told him.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he stood to his feet. "I just wanted to let you know. I couldn't leave tomorrow without telling you."

He pulled you up and wrapped his arms around you for a hug. You let go of him and put your hand in his to walk him to the door. He pulled you back and kissed you.

He pushed his tongue into your mouth and you could feel his big hands gripping your ass. You tore yourself away.

"No, Viktor, I can't do this."

He grabbed your thighs and hoisted you up, so you'd wrap your legs around his waist.

"I don't care what people say. I want you."

He laid you back on your desk and went in for another kiss. You could feel his length pressing against his jeans.

He pushed your skirt up and ran his fingers over your lace covered clit.

"Mmm," you moaned as you sucked his tongue into your mouth.

He pulled you to the edge of the desk and lifted your legs. He kneeled in front of you and pulled your panties to the side exposing your pussy and used two fingers to rub in between your folds and spread your wetness around.

"Look at that pretty pussy," he said, just before standing and sliding your underwear off and stuffing them into his pocket. 

He got back down on his knees and put a hand on each thigh to ensure you won't close them.

You were feeling exposed. You were on your desk and wide open to this man.

Viktor bit your thigh lightly and pulled you from your thoughts. You then felt his warm tongue press against your clit. Every worry you had disappeared in that moment.

He licked and sucked your pussy like the sweet treat that it is. He used his tongue to fuck your cunt and his thumb to rub circles on your clit.

"Viktor, baby, I'm gonna cum." You warned.

He never slowed his pace. You moved his hand and rubbed your clit fiercely.

"Oh my go—" you screamed as your pussy squirted all over him.

Viktor stopped and watched in amazement. He hadn't been with many women, but he definitely thought squirting only happened in porn.

Once you'd stopped, he stood, wiped off his face and kissed you.

"That was so fucking sexy," he growled.

You pulled his shirt over his head while he worked his jeans and pushed them down. You wrapped your hand around his thickness and circled your awaiting tunnel with the head before he pushed in.

"Mm, fuck!" You dug your nails into his neck.

"You're so tight, printsessa," he sighed.

He hit you with hard strokes. You could feel the desk shifting and surely by the time you were finished, it would be on the other side of the room.

"Yes, baby fuck me!"

He buried his face in your neck. You could hear him moaning as he gripped your thighs and drilled your pussy. The office was filled with the sound of your love making.

You pushed him off of you. He looked confused until you told him to sit down in your chair. You put your feet on the sides of his legs and held on to the arms of the chair. He guided his throbbing cock back inside of you. His eyes rolled as you sank down onto him.

You bounced on his dick. He undid the buttons on your shirt and watched as your tits bounced up and down before leaning in to place soft kisses on each. You grabbed his jaw and brought his lips to yours.

He rubbed your clit as your tongues darted in and out of one another's mouths.

"Yes, rub that pussy," you chanted. "Oooh, yes!"

Your legs were starting to give out as you neared your orgasm.

"Come on, printsessa keep going," he encouraged.

You hissed as the damn of pleasure swept over you. He kept rubbing your clit as you surfed the waves of your bliss.

When he stopped he grabbed your hips and drove himself into you. You kissed him as his grip tightened and he coated your pussy with his seed.

You dropped to your knees on his lap and laid your head on his shoulder. You could feel his heart beating with yours.

The room was quiet as you both thought about what this meant. You finally got up once you regained feeling in your legs and went to the bathroom in your office to clean up. Viktor redressed himself and was waiting for you to return.

"I feel like we probably broke so many unwritten laws just now," you joked. 

"Yeah..." He shrugged. 

"What's wrong?" You asked when he didn't say anything else.

"The next fight... Will you be in my corner?" 

The smile that was on your face dropped.

"Excuse me?"

He walked closer to you and held your hands in his. He looked into your eyes sincerely. 

"I want you to be in my corner," he said.

"No," you snatched away from him. "It's bad enough that I just fucked you on my desk after what you did and now you want me to throw it in my brother's face?"

"But what we have, it's —"

"It's wrong, Viktor. It's wrong and we both know it."

"Okay," he said, sounding defeated.

He kissed your forehead and left without looking back.

********

@titty-teetee​

@bluestarego​ 

@marvelmaree​

@literaturefeen​

@fandomfavesss​

@savageiz​

@scoop93535​

[xxisxxisxxis]

Lil snippet of something yall are getting tomorrow night while we wait for this next chapter👀

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.

.

.

“Some glad morning when this life is O’er I’ll fly away, to a place on God’s celestial shore,”

I glance at my mom and dad for a moment before looking back down to the hymnal, although I don’t even really need it’s assistance being that I’ve been able to sing most of these songs by heart since I was in elementary school. “I’ll fly away, O glory, I’ll fly away in the morning, when I die, hallelujah, by and by, I’ll fly away. Just a few more weary days and then I’ll fly away, to a land where joy shall never end, I’ll fly away,” I look up again, glancing out of the corner of my eye, turning my head to see a mass of black hair walking to my car and I feel my heart stutter in my chest.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” I lie to my parents, lowly, as everyone keeps singing, and she nods, not missing a word.

I get outside and start to my car, hoping my parents--or someone--doesn’t happen to look out the window as I walk by. Luckily the first little part of the hood is visible and where Nikki’s leaned against the back isn’t.

“Nikki, what are you doing?” I ask him, looking around to make sure nobody’s out here.

“Aww, look at you,” He smiles, looking me up and down. “And I told you last night I wanted to hangout today.” He tells me.

“I’m at church, Nikki...with my parents.” I explain, raising my brows. “My mom would have a heart attack if she knew that I was even speaking to you let alone slipping out of a service to come ‘hangout.’” I add.

“Well, I have a hotel room waiting for us and I only have enough money to cover one night so the sooner we get there the more time we have to--”

“You want me to leave in the middle of church and go to a raunchy hotel so we can have sex?” I furrow my brows, and he blinks at me.

“I mean, we can talk about Zepplin or theology or something in between fucking aro--”

I cover his mouth with my hand and scowl at him.

“--You can’t say that word, Nikki, we’re in a church parking lot.” I tell him and he grabs my wrist and pulls my hand from his mouth.

“Thought God was everywhere--so what does it matter if I say it here or at home--he’s still gonna hear me, right?” He makes a point and I exhale while he still holds at my wrist, sliding to my hand, grasping it in his as a little smirk comes to his lips…

“I guess I can tell my folks I’m hanging out with Tansy and spending the night.” I suggest and he rubs his lips together and pulls at my waist, leaning down and kissing me, making the corners of my mouth tug upwards a little, grinning when he pulls away, digging in his pocket and hanging me a key. 

"That place across the street from Denny's, room 236. See ya in a few minutes?” He asks and I nod.

He kisses me again, then my cheek, then my other cheek, then peppers my face everywhere with kisses, making me giggle.

After he leaves, I get back inside, and service is soon over, I’m calmly asking my dad, “do you mind if I stay with Tansy tonight? We have this big end of the year project for history we need to finish.”

My dad purses his lips and thinks for a moment.

“I thought this week was your final week--they don’t have grades in, yet?” My mom cuts in and I look at my dad…

He doesn’t know what I’m up to, but it’s clear he picks up on the fact that I’m not actually going to Tansy’s but claiming I am is my only ticket to freedom tonight.

“I think I’ve heard you girls talk about this, haven’t I? You were upset because every other class was just having finals last week but in history you were assigned a project to present together as a final grade and you were frustrated that you had to work up until the last day of school.” He says to me and I nod.

“Exactly.” I agree, glancing at mom, and she looks at my dad.

“Alright.” She relents. “But don’t stay up too late because tomorrow is a school day.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” I assure her. “We’ve got a lot of work to do so I’m probably just gonna go ahead and go home and pack and head over there.”

“You don’t want to go eat lunch with us?” Mom asks.

“Charlette, she eats with us every meal, mostly, she can miss one lunch.” He politely smiles to her to soften the blow and she lets out a breath.

“Be careful.” She tells me. “Nobody here knows how to drive.” 

I know, I know, I must've either wanted to die, or wanted to go to hell, or both...but it was worth it to me if I went for him, because everything I did was for him.

I turn the key in the door and unlock it, seeing asleep, Jack still in hand, shirt off, black leather pants untied, a little eyeliner smearing his eyes…

I drop my bag and shut the door, careful not to wake him up before I'm taking my shoes off and stepping to the bed, crawling up to him, pressing my lips to the little trail of hair right above the hem of his pants, then kissing his abdomen, then his chest, his neck, his jaw...he groans himself awake a little when I kiss back down the same trail I came up, and before I can reach to get him out of his pants, his hand is in my hair, stopping me, and I grin, seeing his hazel eyes on me. 

He's pulling me up to his lips, putting his bottle down so he can run his free hand down my back to my ass, making me moan quietly. 

I pull away from his lips to catch my breath, and he chuckles mischievously when I sarcastically ask him the infamous question so many other girls have asked, the signature attention seeking, dick chasing groupie slogan, "are you in the band?" 

His eyes light up before a sick little smile starts tugging at his lips.

[blindlesbian]

A christmas buddie fic

This fic is for @fyeahbuddie​ for the 911 gift exchange. @officerrxyes​ Buck was in Eddie's kitchen baking festive cookies with Chris on Christmas Eve. He thought it would be the perfect way to wind down, but it ended up being harder than he imagined. Eddie accidentally added way more. Instead of twenty cookies, they were now baking forty. All three had spent the day out, hanging with friends and family. Unlike last year the 118 wasn't scheduled to work for the holiday, which everyone was thankful for. "How much longer is dad gonna be," Chris asked. Eddie was out buying more frosting because they'd run out. Chris was eager to finish decorating his cookies, and so was Buck. 

"Soon, don't worry." By the time the last batch of cookies finished baking, Eddie had arrived. "Hey guys, I got the stuff!" Chris squealed, "hurry, dad, I wanna decorate my snowman!"  After about an hour of eating and decorating, Chris was put to bed a little past his bedtime. Buck was still in the kitchen, washing dishes because they didn't clean up while they worked. "Buck, thanks for doing this tonight," Eddie said, leaning against the door frame. "Yeah, of course, no problem. You know I love hanging out with Chris." Eddie walked over to the sink, "let me help you out." Buck sat down at the kitchen table with a tired sigh after they finished, "next time, let's not bake cookies from scratch. It's more stressful than rescuing people from burning buildings ." He joked, and Eddie chuckled. He loved making Eddie laugh. "Do you want a drink?" Eddie asked, pulling out a bottle of wine from the cabinet. "Yes, please," Buck said. Eddie handed him a full glass, and they walked over to the couch. "I'm glad we have these two days off. Last year was a bit of a bummer," Buck stated. "You did an amazing job with the surprise Christmas dinner last year. It was super sweet." Eddie said. Buck blushed, "it was nothing." They were lying on their backs on Eddie's living room floor, Buck's head resting on Eddie's chest. Neither of them dared to move; they wanted to stay like this, however long it would last. Moments like this started happening more often, where they would hold each other or touch on another as if they were together. They kept talking and drinking and time flew by. By now, they were drunk and having conversations about their childhood Christmases. "I remember when I was a senior in high school, my parents forgot about Christmas for like, the third year in a row. They were too busy trying to sell the house," Buck said. "They were always too busy for Maddie and me. But always had time to go to some stupid work event."  Eddie ran his fingers through Buck's hair. He stayed quiet, trying to figure out the most comforting to say.Buck sighed, "I'm sorry; I'm treating you like a therapist." "No, you're not," Eddie said. "Yes, I am. You don't even care," Buck stated. Eddie held Buck's chin, gently turning his face so he could look at him. "No, don't say that. I care about what you have to say." There was a moment of silence, and they just stared into each other's eyes. "I want to make you feel safe and heard." Eddie realized he was still holding Buck's face, nearly caressing it. Eddie wanted to kiss him so badly, but they were drunk, and he had no idea how Buck felt. "Eddie," was all Buck could mutter. His heart raced, he hopped Eddie couldn't feel it. Buck was just drunk enough to lean in, just a little. He hoped Eddie got the hint, but his hand let go. "It's already late. Maybe we should get some sleep; we've got a busy day tomorrow." Eddie suggested. Buck's heart sank. "Yeah, you're right," Buck sighed and slowly sat up. Words couldn't explain how stupid he felt; he couldn't believe he thought Eddie would feel the same way. "Goodnight," Eddie said, quickly exiting the living room, leaving Buck with the stupid wine bottle and glasses. ---Eddie woke up the next morning feeling like an idiot. How could he just leave like that, Eddie wondered? Last night's memories were hitting him like a wave, the conversations, how close they were, how drunk they were, Buck's head on his chest. He let his mind wander, thinking about all the things he and Buck will never have together. His alarm went off, disrupting Eddie's thoughts. It was only six-thirty, and Chris wasn't going to be awake for another hour and a half. And Buck was still here, but he didn't want to face him. He didn't want to ruin the perfect memory of last night with reality. Eddie tested the waters with a "u up" text and immediately cringed. "Yea, wanna make breakfast together?" was what Buck sent back. Eddie grinned at the reader like a child. He skipped out of bed and quickly brushed his teeth. "Hey, Merry Christmas," Buck said. His beaming smile made Eddie's heart skip a beat. "Merry Christmas," Eddie said. He looked at the kitchen counter; it was already a mess." Why does my kitchen look like this," Eddie asked. "Because I was looking for bacon," Buck said. Eddie rubbed his temple, "I don't have any bacon." "Oh," Buck giggled, and Eddie couldn't help but laugh too. "Let's just make pancakes," Buck suggested. After putting everything back into the fridge, they began working. Buck knew he was the better cook between the two, and things would've gone a lot faster he did it himself, but he loved doing things with Eddie. "How come mine keeps ending up like that," Eddie asked. They were both standing over separate burners, cooking the pancake mix. "Because you're holding it wrong, lean the pan a bit," Buck instructed. "Like this," Eddie asked. He was still holding it wrong. Buck hesitated for a moment before walking behind Eddie and snaking his hand over Eddie's. "Like that," Eddie asked. "Yeah, like that, Buck assured.  Buck's chest was pressed against Eddie's back. It was just like the night; they didn't mention how close they were to each other; they just enjoyed it. They were on their last pancake. "Good job," was all that Buck could say. He didn't want to make it weird, but this whole situation was strange. He wanted to be with his best friend, who had a kid and was married a few years ago. Buck let go of his hand and walked back over to his burner.  —- It was New Year’s Eve, and Eddie was replaying those two days in his head over and over again, trying to figure what he did wrong. Buck had been distant for a week, only a few conversations at work. “See you guys tonight,” Bobby said as they exited the firehouse. “Captain Maddie and I can only be there for an hour. We don’t wanna be away from the baby for too long,” Chimney informed. “Yeah, Mia is the same way. So I’ll also be leaving early, Hen stated. “No worries, guys,” Bobby said. “But you two will be there all night right,” Bobby asked. “Yeah, you bet, Cap,” Buck said. “Yeah, Chris and I be there all night.  He’s going through a don’t tell me when to go to sleep phase,” Eddie said. They all chuckled, said their goodbyes, and entered their cars. —-Eddie arrived with Chris on time, and the party was already in full swing. Their coworkers, family, and friends were there. “Hey Eddie, hi Chris,” Athena greeted them at the door Harry by her side. “Do you wanna play video games in my room with Denny and me,” Harry asked. Chris turned to look at Eddie, “go ahead. Be safe.” Eddie said, and the boys went off. “What’s been going on between you and Buck,” Athena asked. “Nothing’s wrong, we’re fine,” Eddie lied. Athena raised her eyebrow, “you two are usually joined at the hip, but you came here alone.” “Wow, those detective skills are top-notch,” Eddie joked, but she didn’t laugh. “Buck has been on the phone with Bobby every day, asking him for advice about you. It’s interfering with my life, so please just apologize so I can sleep peacefully,” Athena said. “But that’s the thing. There wasn’t a fight; he just stopped talking to me. I don’t know why,” Eddie explains. “You don’t know why you’re best friend is upset,” Athena asked. Eddie thought about last week for the hundredth time. Did Buck have a problem with how close they were? Did he make him uncomfortable? “Maybe I do know why,” Eddie said. —- "Hey, there you are," Buck heard Eddie say. Eddie had been searching for Buck almost all night. He was sitting on a swing bench in the backyard of Athena and Bobby's house. Eddie stood a few feet away from him as if he was terrified to go near him. "Yeah, here I am," Buck muttered. There was so much Buck wanted to say but said nothing at all. "Can I sit next to you," Eddie asked. Buck nodded, and Eddie walked over and sat down. "Did I do something wrong," Eddie asked, breaking the silence. A look of confusion swiped Buck's face. "No, of course not," Buck said. "Then why are you telling Bobby that we're fighting," Eddie asked, a little annoyed. "I never told him we were fighting; I told him that I messed up our friendship," Buck said. Now Eddie was beyond annoyed, "why would you say that. How could you have ruined our friendship?" There was a long pause. Eddie was sick of the silence."Because... I have feelings for you," Buck confessed, "and we can't be friends if I like you. It's just too weird." He couldn't even look at Eddie while he said this. "Evan, look at me," Eddie begged softly, "please." Buck scanned Eddie's face trying to figure out what he would say next. Eddie's eyes were watery, but Buck couldn't tell if it was because of the cold wind or if he was upset. Eddie held Buck's face, and Buck nearly melted. "I have a feeling for you too," Eddie stated, his voice a little shaky. And just like that, Buck was crashing his lips onto Eddie's. Everything they've ever wanted to say to one another was spoken at that moment. Eddie's hand found their way to Buck's hair, and Buck was holding on to Eddie's waist for dear life. They heard the New Year’s countdown starting, and Eddie pulled away. “Maybe we should join everyone,” Eddie suggested. Buck groaned, “fine.” They shared one last kiss and walked back into the party. A new year, a fresh start to their relationship.

[rjhpandapaws]

Secure the Stage

Chapter 5: Smoke Alarm

//Tw: Withdrawal, and referenced transphobia

When Allen had offered to be Silas’s smoke distraction the last thing he had expected was his phone to ring in the evening during his classes. He looked down at his watch to find Silas’s contact name aglow on his wrist. He grabbed his bag as he patted himself down for his phone and stepped out of the lecture hall. He answered his phone as soon as he found it, “Hey Silas.” “Hey, uh,” He sounded distant and distressed, “I know its a week night and you’re busy, but I’ve already had two and I’m debating the third.” He sighed harshly into the mic, “Could you maybe meet me at the theater?” Allen looked back to the door of the lecture hall, “I have classes tonight Silas, I can’t just leave. Could you come to the university? I can have you as my guest if you would like.” He heard the familiar click and stutter of the lighter a few times before Silas answered, “It won’t be bad for you that I’m there right? I just can’t be alone right now.” “I promise Silas,” He reassured, “I’ll meet you at the student resource building alright? Let me know when you’re heading out.” “I’m waiting on a cab right now.” Silas responded flatly still clicking the lighter, “So it will be about twenty minutes. Sorry for disrupting your classes.”

Allen rolled his eyes, “I’ll meet you at the quad then, I’ll bring food and coffee and you can tell me what’s up.” He got a hum of affirmation from Silas and hung up. He went back to class and found himself distracted for the rest of the lecture. He was checking his phone pretty regularly as he waited on the text message from Silas. It was near the end of class when the message finally came.

Theater Bitch <3: I’m here and looking for the building. Allen: Alright. I’m on my way.

He stepped out of the lecture hall again and made his way to the student resource building. He swung by the bookstore and grabbed two canned coffees and a couple of premade sandwiches. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was the best he could offer since all the campus cafes were closed. Silas was easy to find once he got to the quad. He was back away from everyone else and was rolling his lighter over his fingers with practiced ease. There was a cigarette tucked behind his ear and he straightened up when he saw Allen. His was face was red and it looked like he had been crying recently. He was in a sweatshirt and pajama pants, he hadn’t bothered to put himself together. Whatever was bothering him had to be pretty bad for him not to have bothered with appearances.

“Distraction or advice?” He asked when he got to Silas. He held out on of the cans, “I know its not as good as the hot stuff, but its the best I can offer for now.” “Distraction please.” Silas responded lowly as he put the lighter away and took the offered can, “I don’t want to think about anything and my usual distractions aren’t holding their appeal.” That sentence alone left Allen with more questions than answers, but he didn’t press, “Would college classes be enough of a distraction or do you need something else?” Silas opened the can and gave a nod, “I can try classes. I haven’t taken any gen ed classes since high school.” “My next class is calculus so we should probably head for the math and science building if we don’t want to be late.” Allen said as he turned to lead the way. Silas groaned from behind him, “I am fucking horrible at math so this should definitely do the trick.” Allen was glad for that at the very least. He didn’t know what it was that was eating at Silas and even though his curiosity was killing him he wasn’t about to ask. He was just he could help. Even if it was something as simple as dragging him along to his calculus class. His professor was kind enough that she probably wouldn’t mind the guest, or so he hoped as much at least.

Ms. Ray only raised an eyebrow at the sight of his guest but didn’t say anything about it which he appreciated. It could also have been due to how clear Silas’s discomfort was, he didn’t know and he wasn’t about to ask. He took his usual seat at the back of the class and Silas settled beside him after moving the desk so they could both look at his book. It seemed like Silas would at least be attempting to participate in the class. As promised Silas was absolutely horrendous at math, but Ms. Ray didn’t seem to mind stopping to explain things to him. While he didn’t seem to understand it anymore clearly he still tried his best. It was interesting at least to see Silas’s thought process. Allen’s other two classes went similarly. Silas seemed to distract himself by burying himself in work. Which looking back shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was. In all of the time he had spent with Silas he had always been doing something. He hadn’t known Silas to ever be idle. They had eaten the sandwiches between his calculus class and his psychology class. Silas still looked occupied by whatever was on his mind. He was fidgeting with his cigarette lighter more often than before. Allen wanted to ask, but Silas had specifically asked for a distraction. He just didn’t know what to do. For as much time he had spent with Silas, he didn’t actually know him all that well.

They were walking back toward Allen’s truck and he was nearly startled by the suddenness of Silas’s voice, “I would kill for some really shitty black coffee.” The randomness of it caught him off guard, “We could go to like Denny’s or something I guess.” “That works.” Silas said with the first smile Allen had seen all night. It was far from genuine but it was better than nothing, “You can drop me off if you have other plans.” Allen shrugged as he unlocked his truck, “I was honestly just going to play games until I fell asleep so you aren’t interrupting anything. Don’t worry.” “Thank you.” Silas said as he got into the truck. He rolled his lighters over his fingers on the ride to Denny’s, pulled back into whatever thoughts had been haunting him tonight. Allen wasn’t sure what to do to get him back or to wait and see if he was ready to talk. “Would you like to play music?” Allen asked unsure of what else to do. Silas almost always had music playing, there must be a reason for that. Silas seemed to come back to himself for a moment, “Uh sure. You don’t mind if its slower stuff do you? I’m not in the mood for loud for a change.” He gave a laugh but it was humorless and unpleasantly fake. Allen hated it.

The in-dash screen gave away the artist which was one that Allen hadn’t heard of, but the playlist was titled was I Want to Feel Better. It broke Allen’s heart a little to see. The music was quiet compared to what Silas normally played, but the sound was calm and comforting. Silas was either singing or humming under his breath. Allen couldn’t tell because he couldn’t catch any of the words. Silas was back in his own head so Allen didn’t try and make conversation. He listened to the music and tried to be something steady in Silas’s moment of vulnerability. He didn’t know what to do for comfort because he didn’t know what was wrong or what Silas needed if he wanted his comfort at all. Some people simply wanted company as they worked through their thoughts. Silas didn’t really seem the type, but as it was Allen apparently didn’t know him all that well. He turned into the parking lot and Silas grabbed his phone to pause the music. It was pretty late so the parking lot was almost empty. Allen parked close to the doors and they got out. Silas hesitated for a long moment at the smoking area and Allen waited for him. He went so far as to reach for the cigarette behind his ear before he came back to himself and moved to catch up with Allen.

When they got inside Silas headed for one of the booths in the back corner of the near empty restaurant. He was playing with his lighter again, a force of habit if Allen had to guess. He at the very least tucked it away when the waitress came with their menus. The silence was starting to get to Allen and his curiosity was eating at his patience. He wanted to be a comforting presence, but he also wanted to know what he was comforting from. “Just ask Silas said after a long moment and the suddenness of it did startle Allen this time, “I can feel you staring at me.” Allen looked down at the table feeling guilty for not having a better hold on himself, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to; but I was wondering why you called me. You sounded like you were really upset earlier and it looked like you had been crying.” Silas tapped his lighter against the table rapidly and sighed, “Have you ever experienced withdrawal Allen? Its painful and it messes with everything else. Those bad thoughts you have are louder, angrier, and much more persistent. The bad feelings are that much worse and the only thing that can chase them away is nicotine.”

Allen winced suddenly feeling like an asshole, “No, I can’t say I’ve ever been through that, but it sounds horrible.” Silas gave another humorless laugh, “Horrible is a word for it.” His voice rough, not quite harsh, but close, “I felt weak, I know it comes with trying to quit, it happens every time I try to quit. I think I am stronger every time as fools are known to do. Then withdrawal comes as a reminder that am not nearly half the man I am known to be without nicotine running through my veins.” He clicked his lighter open and watched the flame dance for a moment before he closed it, “In the eyes of some I’m not even a real man, just pretending.” Silas’s being transgender was not the thing that should have stuck out to him, but that was the thing Allen found himself caught on. He hadn’t known and he doubted he would have found out if Silas hadn’t gotten so lost to his emotions. “Thank you for trusting me with all of this. I know Denny’s isn’t exactly the best place to have this conversation.” “Buy me coffee and dinner and all will be forgiven.” Silas said somewhat sarcastically. “But honestly thank you for humoring me tonight. It helped a lot.”

Allen smiled even though the feeling of guilt was still lingering, “I’m glad I could help. Also knock yourself out, I can give you food in exchange for prying into your head. It seems fair enough.” Silas chuckled and for the first time that night it seemed genuine. Allen smiled as the waitress came with their coffee. Silas ordered his breakfast and Allen ordered an omelet with sour dough toast. He hadn’t been smart enough to order decaf so he privately kissed his sleep schedule goodbye. “I think not being able to actually go to classes is part of my issue.” Silas said as he set his mug down, “Having all this extra time to spend at the theater is nice don’t get me wrong, but I smoke to think and that might be messing with me.” He drummed the fingers of one hand against his mug and reached for the lighter with the other, “I need something to do to keep me occupied. Coffee almost works, but I have seen what caffeine dependency has done to my brothers. Its better than this probably, but it seems annoying.” Allen almost pointed out that they were currently drinking coffee at one in the morning, but kept that to himself. “I mean it could be a transitional thing I suppose. Have coffee every time you feel like smoking. Would that work?”

Silas gave another more genuine laugh, “I don’t think you realize how much you realize how much coffee I would drink in a day. Though I suppose it would be worth a shot, I could probably afford it with the money I don’t spend on cigarettes.” Silas looked like he was at least giving it some thought, “Other than drinking a concerning amount of coffee, this might actually help. Thank you Allen.” Allen lifted his mug in a cheers motion and Silas clinked his mug against it, “I’m glad I could help.” “Sorry for going off on you like that.” Silas said as their food arrived, “You were only trying to help.” Allen shook his head, “I pushed you to tell me and you weren’t ready to. Thank you for apologizing though. I appreciate it.” Their conversation fell away as they ate and they made small talk on the way back to Silas’s apartment. Allen felt like he had finally learned something about Silas for a change. It was better than those usual half answers he would get from him. It was nice. As he drove home he thought tonight was good even though he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep. He sent a message to check on Silas when he got home and received a coffee emoji as a reply. It was one of those nights he supposed.

[goblinconceivable]

oh ffs, i have feels but also head exploded

So basically someone liked a story I wrote a million years ago and mostly forgotten about, and when that happens I often reread the thing.  (I can’t be the only one who does that...)  Can’t say I’ve thought about Alex/Izzie since I wrote it, couldn’t even tell you when I stopped watching the show, though I think it was before her cancer.

Anyway I infected myself with feels for them again.  And I dig the style I was using, 1+1 started a third chapter for funsies and should have stopped there.  Because I did some reading and watched some clips and it’s all too much and when that happens I meta.

Usual mishmash, structure desired but no work put into achieving it.  Classic brain dump.

Okay, fundamentals first.  I am for now ignoring how Izzie/KH left the show.  Because they had to exit her somehow and I’m sure Shonda was pissed at her, (or was leaving the door open for her return but I doubt it.)  Haven’t seen it, if I needed to I could work it into my conception of their whole arc, but since I’m more critically hung up before that point, not worrying about it.

What’s got me messed up is that RIGHT AFTER Izzie promised to not go crazy, she... went crazy.  Like, WTF was that about?  I get that GA is all about the soapy drama, that is why I stopped watching.  First couple seasons: brilliant.  Downhill from there.  But two things:

1) We never get to see these two happily together.  One hot second and bam.***  Every.  Time.  Shonda allowed it for Meredith and Derek, but in my brain other couples got it for periods of time at the least.  But these two, nope.  And know what?  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASCINATING TO WATCH.  I could delve into this and might swing back around but trying to hit highlights.

2) It set them on two different storylines instead of one.  And Izzie got the short stick.  Yes I can see how it works on paper, but not on screen.  There are limits to the visual medium and limits to how much screen time they were given, which pretty much destroy the ability to nuance something this complex.  

a) Izzie’s in her own world dealing with a ghost and is basically in two relationships at once (mental note to look for parallels with Alex’s exit and Jo v Izzie.)  Except one’s a dream and the other is a reality that is still developing, yet she can’t give attention to.  She has to fight every time to be there for Alex in the real world, and we don’t really get to explore her struggle.  It often just looks like distraction and distance and him being second right after she firmly laid out that she cares about him.

b) Alex is in a relationship and is super happy and excited and wants the perfection he’s dreamed about to be real so much he’s overlooking everything that’s off.  In his own little dream world I guess, but like, the whole thing skews into this being the story of Alex while Izzie is wandering in circles somewhere over in that direction, all serving the purpose of advancing exploration and development of Alex’s character.  When did KH ask to be let out?  If it was after this point, Shonda svcks.  I mean, it is cool to watch him really blossom, but since he’s doing it under his own steam I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth.  Because he’s not really in a real relationship.  I want to see him get that, I want to see it for real.

***What IS interesting, I’ll admit, is that when they’re not together, they’re beautiful.  Which is most of the time, so they gave me that.  I’m a massive fan of the bittersweet, the star crossed, the never-quite-on-the-same-page, the nuance, the “it’s a deeper connection, a deeper love than just romance.”  Thank gosh, it is time for excited thoughts.  Because there is a strong friendship and mutual reliance and helping each other grow, pushing and giving hard truths and encouragement, and yes romance is woven through this but not the genesis and used more in terms of nudging everything along the path.

I love that Alex basically imprints on Izzie.  I love that he loves her the whole time.  But he’s willing to step back.  He may get jealous and resentful and petty and scared and mean.  But those are natural human emotions, Izzie gets them too, and they’re fundamental to his character and through those things he learns and grows.  Izzie doesn’t make him.  She entices him.  Yeah, often directs him, especially at first.  But at some point he’s growing on his own, in fits and starts, in reaction to his own emotions.

For example, when Izzie tells him she slept with George, he gets pissed, but also admits why pretty readily.  And he tells her the truth, remarkably straightforwards.  He reaches out to her a lot.  And she turns him aside a lot.  And he keeps loving.  Even if romance is off the table.  He runs after her a lot.  Sits next to her when she’s upset a lot.  Is understanding a lot.  He’s different with her, and look I’m a fangirl, it’s a trope, I swallow bait line and hook.  Which should be bait hook and line if my vague understanding of fishing is correct.  I fished once, with safety implements, and still cried even as they removed the fish and popped it back into the water.  (Okay I just reread to sort out where I’d gotten too and it’s hook line and sinker.  Statistically someone will probably read this someday, you have my full permission to laugh at me.  Anyway...)

The quintessential moment, the revved to 100, of course being when Izzie is clinging to a dead Denny.  They’re all standing around.  No one even looks surprised with jilted Alex talks to her.  In a really caring way.  And this is still fairly early on, wasn’t watching anything but their scenes but this had to be rare sight eh?  (Mebbe?)  And then he picks her up and sits down holding her and she clings and cries and like symbolism and could essay that but not going to right now because the broad relevant stroke is that Alex loves Izzie selflessly.  And this is the pinpoint core of why I can buy his ending, because he can’t NOT love Izzie.  I don’t think he even wants to stop.  Though he can set it down in his heart and let her go and doesn’t pine.  But he never stops loving her and it’s so many kinds of love imperfectly yet perfecly forged.

Forged.  But also born.  Stars uncrossed.  I have emotions without words and if I try I’ll never get out of it to move on, so moving on.

(Oh, George telling Alex to talk to Izzie because she won’t talk to him about whatever it was.  Isn’t is crazy that Izzie’s emotional squishy bestie goes to the emotionally stunted bad boy to help her because...  it’s an understanding of the two-way Izzie/Alex bond, but also this crazy trust that Alex will show up.)

I love that Izzie isn’t blind to his faults, truly doesn’t like his faults, but has eternal faith for who he is and can be.  She always saw him as someone with walls, once she stumbled on a lose stone and got a glimpse inside.  She knows.  She doesn’t always understand, but she knows.

Slight divergence from that line of thought, but its a great moment when they get together and he’s fairly transparently trying to make sure they’re in a committed relationship by dangling other women in front of her, and she’s a little ticked that he seems to be taking it rudely casually.  Probably a bit of insecurity, but I’d say more that she has a long history of not reading him from the perspective of him loving her.  Ie, 100% not recognizing that telling him about sleeping with George would hurt him.  And doesn’t get it until he comes in and he’s dropped the swagger and it’s a “I know I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know how to do it right so help me” thing.  

(Random memories of Sloan/Don from The Newsroom when she’s crying on the floor and Don comes in a sits next to her.  I wuvs them too.)

I love that she openly leans on him, when he offers support she takes it.  She doesn’t ask why, she accepts it and leans into it and is open to it because she trusts him because she knows him.  The bits where she hates him tend to fall out of romantic issues, but when that’s removed from the equation they’re in sync.  And the thing is, just as caring is fundamental to Alex’s nature, trust is fundamental to Izzie’s.  And those two things weave into each other.  Kinda like rats and the food button.  When Alex reaches out Izzie she honestly accepts it, a “reward.”  So he’s comfortable doing it again, and again.  And when she does rebuff him he’s seen rewards come out enough that he doesn’t just scatter.  And when Izzie trusts him, he rewards her with gentleness and care.  She has the rougher time of it overall, because Alex is more screwed up emotionally, and breaks her trust more often than she rebuffs him, but that’s where Alex’s constant love comes in.  But I cannot recall enough critical moments to have a cohesive proof, so I could be a little off base.

In my head Alex has always loved Izzie more than Izzie loves him, but I think my memory was unfair.  There is a real constancy to Izzie’s affection, though I don’t think she imprinted on Alex as he did on her.  She’s a different person, loves differently, has different issues.  But my longstanding impression is mostly because of Denny.  Who she truly did love, though the qualities of that love deserve exploration which I will not at this time attempt. And Denny loved her.   The whole “side loves along the way” being a trope.  Though usually “it ended in death/deathlike state” is given to the man and so THANK YOU SHONDA.  Thinking of classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca though I think both were actually crazypants first wives.  And I do think female character’s side guys have a  habit of dying, but it tends to feel more like a plot point to shut the door on continued love, whereas Denny remains a part of Izzie’s life. 

 At any rate, despite superficial similarities, Alex doesn’t hit the trope because his crazypants relationship wasn’t ever really about the woman:  yep Alex got Rebecca, and Rebecca was crazypants, and it was a plot point to get him to the crying.  Rebecca wasn’t love. It was never love.  BUT

She DID, in every way, highlight what needed to be highlighted.  1) That he desperately wants a family.  2) that caring for someone, not just about them, is fundamental to him, (and ties neatly into him caring for Izzie all those sitting on the floor conversations.) and c) it’s not entirely healthy.  Which is ALSO why thrusting his new happy relationship with Izzie into caregiver role is insensitive and undermines the relationship because it only makes sense if we got to see them both happy in the relationship first.  And then we can see the quality of his caregiving change.  But we didn’t.  So bugger it.

I do LOVE how they let almost the whole next season play out he fallout of all that.  Something taken slowly!  We got to explore it.  Did feel a bit drawn out tbh.  But it just emphasizes the weight of it, I guess.  Especially as it was a subplot amongst 100 others.  This was their development for the season.  Which was mostly Alex.  But Izzie’s reactions revealed some things about her as well.  Majorly dancing around laying it out for a close look and I don’t know why.

Favourite moment?  Maybe Izzie putting her hand on Alex’s chest when he’s freaking out and telling him to stop, he doesn’t need to say any more.  Because he’s trying to convince her of something, and she understands.  And the trying to convince is shredding him, and she knows that.  It’s a very loving and accepting “stop.”  She’d already taken charge of the situation, for the good of the patient.  She’d already taken charge because she knew Alex couldn’t handle it, he was too deep in something to see clearly.  And she’s still in charge.  She doesn’t break down and cry for him, or try to comfort him, he’s been thrown back into childhood and PTSD might literally be at play and what he needs, and she understands, is someone he can trust, who’s calm and gentle but strong and solid, to say it’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.  You don’t have to carry this on your own.  We have it now.  Because when we’re little and in over our heads what we want and what we need is an adult to take the burden.  And still the physical contact is comforting, her tone of voice reassuring.  She creates a space where he can feel safe and heard.

Ugh, rewatching, and we’re watching him literally devolve.  Stages of grief ya’ll.  He’s using every tactic to try and get what he thinks he needs: being able to take care of Rebecca.  He’s in denial that anything is wrong.  He gets angry when Izzie grabs him, to the point of threatening to hit her (though it’s fighting words and not real threat, and Izzie totally knows that.)  He dives into bargaining.  She’ll be okay if he can take care of her.  He can do it.  He tries to convince her it’s true.

By the time he gets home it’s depression.  Not just Rebecca, but about his mom.  And Izzie approaches him differently.  In the hospital it was immediate and she was “in charge,” and needed to be in all facets, but at home, with the situation taken care of, she’s a friend.  An equal.  Which is what he needs right now.  His sticking point later is the crying, so I kinda wonder how he’d react just to having told her about taking care of his mom as a kid.  Right at the start he told that kid about his dad, (dad beating up his mom and him beating up his dad) while Izzie was within listening distance and didn’t seem fussed.  But it’s ultimately a story about him being manly and protecting his mom physically.  Which would be why it’s several seasons in before this crops up - waaay more intimate information.  Probably all lumped into one, with the crying as shorthand.  And mostly that his past is a fact, it’s his emotions he wants to keep private and deny.

He clearly did try to drown his emotions with sex.  I’m not sure it would have worked with a random girl because he’s way too close to crying to do much of anything.  And obviously doesn’t work with Izzie because sex is apparently emotional intimacy and I guess comfort for men moreso than women, but it plays out as a desperate attempt to get comfort in a safer way.  Bargaining again, I suppose.  “Have sex and will be fine tomorrow.”  But, as noted, he doesn’t get that far because it’s too heavy and he rather quickly is just sobbing.

Which is a lovely parallel to holding Izzie while she cried on him after Denny died.  Though Izzie had no qualms and no massive emotional recoil because emotions and vulnerability are normalized for females Izzie is a particularly emotional person.  And an inverse of all the times Izzie is an emotional wreck and Alex sits down besides her and offers her support and understanding.

Could also argue that Izzie just saying “I’m sorry... About Rebecca.  And your mom” - it’s an emotionally intimate moment.  Of understanding.  She’s acknowledging the two situations, and isn’t trying to do anything about them, explain or push or anything else.  Just make him feel understood and not alone and sex is the way he can respond to that.  How to process that in a way that feels manly to him?  Also notably Izzie does seem to be going with it, and it’s aborted because he starts sobbing.  And is still saying “Please” which is amazing, because he totally was never asking Izzie to just sleep with him.  He wants to make it stop - the pain, emotions, probably reliving memories.  But also... stages of grief.  He needs to feel it, so he can accept it.  He really just needs to cry, and grieve, and not be alone.

And it’s like... this is where their love story feels epic because it would look so different if they didn’t have all the levels and layers of love.  Take out the romantic/sexual aspect.  Take out the friendship.  The trust.  The family.  Take out anything and this can’t play out.

Who didn’t love moments like Alex explaining to Bernedette Peters that men sometimes need to protect their manliness in the eyes of the woman they love.  And they’ll do shit things to protect that manliness, but it’s because they care.  Which is obviously idiotic and while romantic on screen is very much not so in real life, but this is fiction so hey ho.  It’s such a wonderful foil.  Because the situation here was not that Alex took his pain elsewhere to protect Izzie’s opinion, but that Alex completely and for a long time shut Izzie out to protect his manliness, which is entirely counterproductive but the only option he could see.  He minimizes his experience as a “bad night.”  (I mean, if you remove all the adjectives, he’s not wrong.) He’s protecting his own sense of manliness to himself.  He doesn’t like feeling that vulnerable.  He let Izzie get too close.  He’s afraid.  It’s all a tangle.  And it pays off when they come back together and he’s willing to be more vulnerable, almost, and then enthusiastically, happy to be.

*But it does reference when he slept with Olivia when he failed his boards.  So yeah, he’s done it literally too.

Backing up a step to revisit season 5.  And actually they start out close.  They’re all out in the cold waiting to greet patients and Alex grabs a blanket for her.  He’s not irritated that Izzie keeps asking how he’s doing, just obviously in a bit of personal denial.  And they’re totally messing around and lighthearted and look at each other with their heads really close and it begs some questions about the interim, though I guess they just haven’t talked about it deeper than “are you okay.”  And per the Izzie/Meredith convo I guess they didn’t continue having sex (probably didn’t have sex that night either).  Though the way Izzie looks at him as he leaves, she’s totally concerned that he’s not dealing with it.

Ah yes, forgot - so they just kept his breakdown unremarked upon, the superficial checking in is situational because Rebecca is a fact.  They don’t talk about it, it’s fine.  Pretending it did not happen.  But it’s as soon as Alex thinks Izzie told Meredith about it that it goes pear shaped.  It’s funny that his issue is the crying and he’s the one that told Meredith, but thematically Izzie saying “he’s opening up to me” is sorta the same.  Also awww that even as she labels them friends, there’s this little glow inside her that they got closer.  Emotional intimacy, what’s life without it eh?

So also 100% it’s high on Alex’s mind.  That he did it, and so too that Izzie could betray him and tell others.  Their relationship is so beautifully fragile in that short interim.  It’s this little bubble where he’s okay that he was vulnerable with Izzie because she accepted it and isn’t making a big deal about it.  And he does feel super close to her.  But he can’t take anyone else seeing him in a non-manly light.  For himself, and it works in terms of Izzie too if it’s an inside/outside situation.  I’m a bit stuck and going in circles.  If Izzie tells, then Izzie isn’t taking it seriously?  Doesn’t understand him?  I don’t think he’s even angry at her, if he looks weak to others then she’ll come to see him as weak?  Halp, stuck.

Also so, I’ve seen it remarked upon that Izzie tends to forgive Alex when she maybe shouldn’t.  But part of forgiveness can come from understanding the other person.  Doesn’t have to be, especially for little stuff.  But for big stuff?

Oh, and so weird but kinda cool that right after that rather self-aware conversation with Peters, he specifically lets Izzy see him with another woman.  Were those scenes meant to be inverted?  Or is he going into this eyes wide open?  Trying to prove something?  He’s hurting her though, is it intentional?  Because cheating, by nature, is secretive, your person doesn’t know so you’re not hurting them directly, though of course when they find out it blows up.  But the intention to wound is not there, it’s an escape.  Proving that he’s really fine and back to his old self?  They are not sleeping together so this isn’t cheating.

And even after that Izzy just shrugged it off.  Popped in to tell him they maybe are getting kicked out, tries to get an apartment with him.  She’s holding on to their closeness and friendship, despite him being prickly.  And then... he smacks her or whatever they were doing which is back to flirty, and not meaningful but notably guides her out of the elevator before him.  Though her barb about STD did hit him.   Maybe he was trying to figure out how to stop being rude at her, and her continued friendliness was bufffer space until he could?  He does say hello at the end, but who was she talking to about having no one?

It does bring up an interesting insight.  It is true bout not something I thought about, that Izzie could be lonely, and actually does get as much out of their relationship as Alex ever did.  They are incredibly close.  And I think George might be married at this point, and thus no longer her “person”?

And then into the cryptic speak about them, while the father/son organ musical chair thing was happening.  He’s looking over his shoulder at her, glances up, unspoken words yadda yadda.  Follows her out into the hall when she leaves.  The freeze out is shorter than I remember, but look, they kinda always keep communicating because freeze outs do not feel right.  And I’ve moved to a blow by blow but Alex is trying to talk profession, and Izzie doublespeaks the “emotionally stunted” and he physically recoils and stutters like “yeah but no, that’s not what we’re talking about” and yet is now there and talking about them too.  “Okay, ... I”m trying to be-  I am, but this” WHAT is he trying to be/is???  Trying to not be emotionally stunted.  Is emotionally stunted (or doubling down on trying?)

This is just such a beautiful conversation.  Because Izzie IS emotional and caring but she has a mean backhand.  Pettiness, ultimatum, she can smack back as hard as anyone smacks her.  And she’s coming from a totally reasonable place, because he’s going hot and cold on her.  And you can see that it affects him, and that falls out from that same pattern where he’s trying to tell her somehing and she’s not putting in a ton of effort to figure out what he’s saying, but is focused on her own needs and thoughts.  ‘Cuz she’s hearing something like “give it up, you’re not going to get what you want out of me.”  And he’s trying to say “I’m afraid I can’t be what you need, because I svck, please don’t make me try and fail.”

And they’re convo through parallels continues, Izzie calls Alex broken and is like “okay I do it your way my caring for you is pointless and it’s all fine.”   Dad calls for son while kinda dying.  I know they claimed different thought process but didn’t Alex call for Izzie when he was shot?  And the payout from the series of exchanges: Alex is yelling at his standin to just step up and show he cares.  With a hefty does of potential regret.  It’s a 180, hoping that the kid does love his day, as well as getting emotionally invested.  His relationship with his father isn’t mentioned, not sure if it’s meant to play into this, because he has previously acknowledged that he regrets losing his father completely.

(But then 10 seconds later she’s going to go crazy and by avoiding treatment it’s kinda like trying to kill herself and just... poor taste writers, poor taste.)

Cue a moment where Izzie knows what he’s trying to say and rewards it.

Enter Izzie being a little obtuse, I know I covered this but ending my personal cannon with them getting together - Alex literally says “are we going steady.”  He’s literally saying “you tell me yes or no, and I will do that.”  Of course he’s trying to say “I don’t know if you’re serious and I want to be please clarify and reassure” but one of those literal ones should have been enough.  But then Izzie does always push him, not always intentionally, to be a little more direct, a little more vulnerable, trust her a little more.  And the result is sooooo adorable!

And brings to mind when Izzie was trying to ask him out for the first time.  And it went a tiny bit screwy and Alex flips it and asks her out.

There’s just so much awesome.  *sobs*  And there’s probably awesome in the cancer storyline too but I do not feel I can trust it and also it’s going to run full into Izzie being lame and leaving and all character development out the window?  And I DO NOT want to see her trying to come back and Alex saying No.  Because what will I see in the middle that gets them there?  They always say yes.  Eventually.  And season 16 when JC is leaving the show is a bit on the long side, even if I ignore the details of the intervening years.

Throwing everything at the wall and maybe I’ll be done with dumping or can at least refine things.  It’s the little speech I’ve only read and don’t want to hear bcause not sure how he did his line-read, but when he describes how he imagines Izzie’s life.  In how much detail, how much he wants for her, what he knows she’s capable of building.  He’s saying it to Jo and I’m uncomfortable with the idea he loves her, even if the letter to her does leak a “love you, in love with Izzie,” and I’m fine with Izzie loving Denny and don’t find it a problem Jo is still alive because I don’t see Alex going back but the thing where if he looks her in the eye he won’t return to Izzie and the kids is upsetting.  And it’s just the kids and insta-family which is enticing.  I mean, he’s not going to tell wife he’s leaving that he’s always loved his ex in a different way or anything.  But he’s also not lying.  He does mention to Meredith that he can’t go back to Seattle.  He’d stay with Jo then out of...  ?  Halp.  The best I got is he’s currently in a dream and if he goes back to his life, where he was happy, then he’ll lose the dream and it will disappear on him?

Slightly nicer is the elsewhere expressed (Meredith) idea that he’d set Izzie as unreachable.  Thus, in line with what he told Jo, he didn’t want to contact her because he didn’t want to make it worse for himself, and his happiness comparison was completely excluding himself from the possibility of being part of Izzie’s life.  It’s all happiness of them individually, not together.  But yes, he always wanted to reach out, wanted to hear her voice and he never had an excuse?  No excuse but curiousity, and that wasn’t enough to take a chance, but this was an excuse and he took it.  

And the idea that he knows the right thing is to stay in Seattle, and being with Izzie and the kids is crazy, but it’s what makes him happiest, where he belongs.  Meredith’s letter read first, so in that light, he’s overexplaining to Jo.  Also exposition.  References that conversation about his mental picture of Izzie, which I think was in the context of Jo questioning his feelings for Izzie.  It scared him because...  ?  He focuses on the kids.  It’s a little at odds with doing this for him, and a little suddenly ignoring the fact that he’s In Love with Izzie and I guess his mental image for Izzie was also his dream life and he gave it to her.  Though where he thought her kids came from is possibly an oversight.  Adoption?

Because it makes it sound like he’s torn between new and old love but the old love has is kids and wins.  It’s a free pass to perfection.  But he imagined a “whole life” for her, which is a massive investment opf time and emotional energy on someone he hasn’t seen in forever.  I mean thinking well for an ex is al well and good but this sounds a bit beyond that, where she’s not a part of his life but a part of HIS life, believing she’s okay makes everything okay.

I am also willing to take up arms and claim that “I can’t look you in the eye because I wouldt be able to walk away...” doesn’t mean walk away from Jo, but walk away from Izzie.  But that’s kinda tenuous.  It just... it sounds like if he sees Jo he won’t be able to leave her, which puts her above Izzie (and even the kids, though he can still be in their lives) and that contradicts other statements, or at least their implications .

Though fair point that there’s a metric of who you’ll give up everything for.  Izzie would for Denny.  In a sense, I hear Meredith got her back in the Seattle hospital and she declined out of respect for Alex’s feelings.  So in a way she gave up her life for Alex.  And never reached out to him but did respond when he did.  She picked up the phone.  Maybe not knowing who it was, or they all kept their own phones.  And Alex gave it all up for Izzie+kids.  I want to know he’d give it all up for Izzie alone, and the life they could have had.

Or is it that he wouldn’t be able to leave Jo because, as noted to Meredith, it’s the right thing to stay in Seattle.  And he’s become a man who does the right thing.  And sometimes the right thing isn’t what we truly want, and to get that we have to be selfish.  He one perfect thing is in Kansas.  And it’s the family.  It’s a family with Izzie.  And his kids.  It’s the whole package.  If it wasn’t Izzie, the kids wouldn’t be enough?  Also indicates that even with Jo was not exactly where he should be.

I’m also going with “some clues in various directions to satisfy various viewers but really offending most of them because this is all 10 years ago and people are newer viewers or forgot or hated Izzie when she left etc.”  But preponderance of evidence leans in favour of this choosing what makes him happiest over what makes him happy.  

ETA: he has a life for Izzie in his head because if she’s not happy, he can’t leave her where she is.  He sees her as an optimist, the opposite of him and good things happen when you lean in that direction.  He imagines her somewhere woody because that’s where they lived when they were married.

ETA2: Izzie didn’t notice Alex wanted to be exclusive.  Because Izzie sees the good in him, but she doesn’t try to justify or explain things.  She takes him at face value (mostly, she knows superficial crabbiness is just an unpleasant personality trait.)  Until/unless she has very good evidence to he contrary.  And THAT is why he has to take an active role and go to her.  He does have to work for the relationship.

(Briefly skipped to a scene in season 6 (avoiding that season) and he actually says “I can’t be your nurse” which is so much character growth.  Because I was afraid he’d gone full out into caregiver mode, which is not healthy for either of them.  He’s protecting himself, but also pushing her to face up.)

CODAS

Watched Alex calling for/hallucinating Izzie when shot.  Maybe it’s a Miranda thing?  After freaking out right after she died, about how he can’t live without her, his breakup speech was essentially about how he realized he could survive without her.  He doesn’t need her like that.  And he was really hurt by the really shitty thing she did, leaving him. Thus valid conclusion that they should part ways and he’s not caught in the love/hate.  But at some point after that, per hallucination conversation, he really wants her to...  come back for him.  To love him enough to not be able to stay away and come back for him it’s funny because the best way for her to love him was the respect his wishes and not come back.  I mean she doesn’t even say anything after he asks that.  

Interesting point “we married...”  It’s a promise.  He starts with “I’m sorry.”  His breakup speech to her - rehearsed?  He’s speaking from love and hate all blended and I think he’s a lot more honest and self aware, and he’s almost always been honest with Izzie.  So his dying speech was also fear based?  He’s scared, he’s in shock, like, physical shock.  To when is his mind taking him?  It’s natural to have regrets after a painful but necessary breakup.  It’s been months but that’s still recent enough.  So on the whole, inconclusive except yeah, he isn’t over her, but he admits during their breakup that he loves her “so much.”

Also love his “frozen together in time... and now we’re not.”  They’ve both grown and changed, and so has their relationship, but there connection hasn’t.  That hasn’t changed.  

So back to his Izzie speech, which is meaningful intentionally as in 300th episode, where years later he was wondering still about her, enough to create a good life for her.  A happy, rich and full life.  He imagines it clearly and deeply enough to add smell to it.  Smell is heavily linked to memory and emotion.

As happy as he is with Jo.  Maybe it’s contentment?  Something missing for each of them but not something he consciously knows?  Meh.  Back to frozen.  He has an image, a full rich image of her and her life.  It’s immersive but static, a snapshot.  And the him who looks at that snapshot is the same him over time.  

Letter to Meredith.  “It’s about me.”  Which is sorta back to breakup speech.  It was about him, ending the relationship.  He didn’t deserve to be left.  And this is about him, not leaving Izzie+kids.  There’s movement and beauty in this.

Meredith/Alex talking true love.  So I’m torn.  Jo refused his proposal, and the question is if you only get one true love.  Did he think Jo was a true love, and if she refuses him it’s not?  Or is he hoping that true love happens after they’re married?  Given the constancy of his love for Izzie, from fairly early on, even if he didn’t call it that at the time I’m pretty sure it’s indisputedly much earlier than marriage, and she turned him down all the time, which would forestall true love worse, right?  Can’t say as I’m not watching any Jo/Alex, cannot will not no need don’t gotta.

[cherryblossomflowers]

An Old Life Meets A New (Pt28)

Pairing: Jensen x Daughter, Danneel x Stepdaughter, Jared x Niece

Warnings: Slight Cussing, Angst, Fluff, Death Mentioned, Car Accident Mentioned, Anxiety/Depression, Arguing, Panic Attacks, Yelling, Fighting, Sex Mentioned, Child Abuse, Drunk Abuse, Relationship Abuse, Alcohol

Summary: After the recent death of her mother, Harper must adjust to her new life in the Ackles home, this includes a new stepmother, half-siblings, and reconnecting with her father.

A/N: This chapter is very emotionally heavy. Grab the tissues, you’ll want them. ONLY 2 CHAPTERS LEFT!!! No hate on Danneel or Jensen please. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

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An Old Life Meets A New Masterlist

Chapter 28

Harper gazed mindlessly out the window as the cab drove towards the cemetery. Jensen would glance at her from time to time, but this is one instance he knew not to try and talk to her about.

Harper let out a deep sigh and asked Jensen, "Do you think Mom would've been happy to know you and I were talking again?"

Jensen smiled and looked out his window, "I like to think so, yes."

"Do you think she'd be mad that I flew here?"

Jensen chuckled, "Knowing her temper, she'd be furious. But if she knew your intentions, I think she'd calm down a bit. You'd be in a lot of trouble though."

Harper rolled her eyes, "Oh please. You act like I was a troublemaker growing up."

Jensen turned to her and gave her a look of Really? and Harper gave him a look of Try me.

The drive seemed to go on and on, but Jensen and Harper were talking and having a good time. They didn't even notice that the cab had stopped until the driver told them they had arrived.

Harper got out while Jensen paid for the cab, then he got out and walked over to Harper, who was having a hard time walking forward.

"Okay, now where is she?" Jensen asked.

Harper pointed to a corner of the cemetery, and they started walking. Jensen had a little more stride in his step while Harper seemed to be dragging her feet.

Jensen stopped and turned to her, "I can piggyback you, like old times."

Harper shook her head, "Sorry, it's just weird being here," she picked up the pace, "Even when I was here for the funeral, I left halfway through because I just couldn't be here. Then everybody came back to our house to 'give their condolences' to me, but I didn't want that. I just wanted to be alone."

Jensen wrapped an arm on Harper's shoulder as they walked, "And now?"

Harper sighed, "I don't know. I want to do this, but I feel like for some reason I can't."

"Well, say the word and we'll turn around and leave-"

"No," Harper hissed through her teeth.

Jensen pulled his arm away from her and slowed his step. Harper stopped and hung her head. Jensen walked up in front of her and bent down, lifting her chin to look at him.

"Harper, I'm here for you. And as much as you think you can't do this, I know that you can do it. All you have to do is walk over there, say what you need to say, and then we'll leave. Quick and simple," Jensen said with a smile.

A tear rolled down Harper's face, "But what if what I have to say...what if it doesn't mean anything?"

"No matter what you say, she will always love you. She'll always be right here," Jensen pointed at Harper's heart, "And here," he pointed to his own.

Harper smiled at her father, "Okay, let's go."

Jensen took Harper's hand and they walked to the back corner where Lizzy's grave was. Harper slowed her step again, but Jensen encouraged her to keep walking.

They got right up to the headstone, and the tears were flowing from Harper.

Jensen rubbed her back as he looked at the headstone, "Just do what you need to do, babygirl. If you want, I'll leave you two be for a bit."

Harper shook her head, "No, I want you here. You wanted to speak too, right?"

"Well, yeah, but I can wait until-"

"Go ahead, you go first then," Harper stepped to the side and allowed Jensen to step forward.

Jensen stuttered, "A-are you sure?"

Harper nodded and gestured for him to speak.

Jensen cleared his throat, "Um, hi Lizzy. Been a while huh? Like 7 years, last time I checked" he chuckled, "Listen, I know I wasn't exactly boyfriend of the year and definitely not father of the year either..."

Jensen looked at Harper and smiled before turning back to the headstone, "But I want you to know I cared, a lot. For you and for Harper. That day I met you at the make-up trailer was destiny. I knew that I loved you then and there, even if I did look like an Oompa Loompa on camera," he laughed, "But for real. You changed my life Lizzy, in more ways than one. I just wish things would've worked out at the time, but you wanted to go back to college and my acting career had taken off."

He crouched down and sighed, "Maybe if I didn't take the role in Supernatural we would've stayed together. Maybe if I would've stuck around more, you wouldn't have had to deal with Dennis, and Harper wouldn't have had to deal with him again today," a tear rolled down his cheek, "I messed up a lot, Elizabeth. And there are so many things I wish I would've done, that I wish I would've changed. Maybe if I did...you'd still be here."

Harper walked up to Jensen and laid a hand on his shoulder. Jensen looked up and saw she was also crying. Jensen put his hand on top of Harper's and sighed.

"I love you, Elizabeth. You've many great things in this world, but the best thing you ever did was bring Harper into this world. For the first 8 years of her life, I saw how much she was like you. And now that she's a young woman," Jensen stood and kissed Harper's temple, "She is more and more like you everyday. The way she acts, the looks she gives me. She has your beautiful brown eyes and your light brown hair, she's exactly your height. If I had to guess, probably the same shoe size too," he laughed.

Jensen hugged Harper tightly then turned back to the headstone, "All in all, Lizzy, you're an incredible person. And I'm thankful that I knew you. And that you gave me Harper. I love you, now and forever."

Jensen laid a hand on the headstone and let out a deep sigh. He took a few steps back and smiled.

Harper looked up at him and quietly spoke, "That was beautiful, Dad."

"Well, I spoke from my heart. And said all I needed to say," replied Jensen.

Harper turned back to the headstone while Jensen laid an arm on her shoulder.

"I think...I think I want to be alone...while I talk to Mom. If that's okay," Harper whispered.

Jensen nodded, "That's perfectly okay. I'll go up by the front gate. Take as much time as you need then come find me okay?"

Harper smiled and nodded as Jensen walked away.

She turned back to the headstone and sat down next to it. She pulled out her notebook and looked over the words she had written earlier. Then she thought back to what Jensen had said, I spoke from my heart.

Harper sighed as she stuffed the notebook into her backpack. She then brought her knees up to her chest, laying her arms across them.

"I had an entire eulogy written for you, Mom. But I honestly feel like none of it matters," Harper began, "I just feel like the last week and a half has been so crazy. So much has changed in that time. I moved in with Dad, I saw Danneel again after 10 years, I met my step-siblings for the first time, and I saw Uncle Jared again."

Harper couldn't hold back the tears anymore, "But it's really not the same without you here, Mom. I miss you, a lot. It's crazy that an hour before you died we were having a conversation about painting my room. We were going to paint it sky blue and I was going to paint clouds along the sky," she sobbed harder, "And it's crazy that an hour later your gone."

She wiped her face with her jacket sleeve, "Dad has been really trying though to help me adjust. At first it was really bumpy. I was scared being in a new place with new people. When I saw Danneel again, I got really scared. I was worried that she was replacing you right away. After we went shopping and she talked me into piercing my ears, we had a long talk," Harper smiled, "Mom, you two are so much alike. It's almost like...you are still living through Danneel somehow."

Harper looked down at her feet, "My step-siblings were a different outcome. I felt so upset that Dad never told me, but I see now it was because you told him not to tell me anything about Danneel or his family. At the time...I despised them, especially when they referred to me as their sister. But after I got to know them a little more, I realized they're not so bad. JJ is only 7 and the twins are 4, so it's hard for me to bond with them," she smiled at a memory, "There was one night that it stormed pretty badly. JJ came into my room and stayed with me because she was scared. I mean, I was too, but I felt like I had to comfort her because I saw myself in her."

Harper stretched out her legs and leaned back on her hands, "Then Uncle Jared came over and things were looking up. We talked for a bit, I told him how upset I was with Dad at the time," she cast her eyes down, "But things started to get bad. Jared and Dad had a talk, apparently about the day he left us. Dad and I had a little disagreement about what art is. I know you would've given it to him though," she chuckled, "Then I finished painting my room with a mural of Times Square. Dad found out and he was really mad. And that night..."

Harper had to stop as the memories of the night before started flooding in her mind, "Dad told me everything, Mom. How you forced him away just because he was having another family. That was really messed up, Mom. Dad could've stayed in our lives even though he had another family to go back to in Texas, you didn't need to push him away like that! Especially when Dennis was around. You and I both knew what Dennis did to us for those 5 long years was messed up, and you could've called Dad but you didn't. You should've done something sooner, but you didn't,” she paused to calm down a bit, “And I ran away after it all was said. I told Dad everything about Dennis even though you told me not to. He had a right to know. Dad had to beat Dennis up in Central Park today just to make sure he wouldn't hurt me again. And that could've all been solved if you just..."

She paused as she stood up from the ground, "But I'm not mad at you mom. I don't see you any differently for what you did. You're my mother. And I forgive you for chasing Dad away," she laid a hand on the headstone, "He was there though, Mom. He was always there for me. Just in mind, not physically there. He was thinking of me, I know he was. And I know he cares or he would've have came to New York to find me. I shouldn't have run away, and I know you would've been so mad at me if you were here. But I had good intentions. I needed to talk to you."

Harper took a few steps away from the headstone, her back to it now, "And now that I have...I feel a lot better. I feel like if you were here, you'd be so proud of the girl I'm becoming," she turned back around, "I think...I think I want to start taking art classes. Perfect my drawing skills. I want to continue to college after graduating High School. I don't know what I want to do yet, but I see a future now. And I'm going to talk to Jared about talking with a therapist. I think it'll help with the childhood trauma stuff. I'm going to fix my relationship with Danneel and JJ and Arrow and Zeppelin. I really want to continue fixing my relationship with Dad."

Harper began to walk away, "After all," she smiled, "He's going to stick around this time. For a while I hope,” she smiled, “I love you, Mom. I'll come back and visit someday."

Harper walked away from her mother's headstone and towards the entrance to the cemetery. She could see Jensen as she walked out of the cemetery. Jensen was currently on the phone, pacing in front of the gate.

He looked up when he saw Harper and quickly hung up the phone, "I promised Danneel I'd call you when I found you. But don't worry I didn't tell her about Dennis or about us coming to see your mom. I told her we'd be on a flight to Austin-"

Jensen was interrupted when Harper wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. He returned the hug with a chuckle.

"I love you, Dad. Thank you for doing this with me."

Jensen let a tear slide down his face, "Anything for you, babygirl."

They stayed like that for a moment before Jensen called for a cab. One showed up fairly quickly and Jensen instructed the driver to head for the airport.

They climbed inside, and the driver took off. Harper looked out the window at the cemetery as they drove away.

I'll miss you, Mom. Thank you...for everything.

------------------------------

Masterlist

My Cherry Blossoms

@mlovesstories​ @adorable-minibot​ @chessurkait​ @desiredposion​ @idksupernatural​ @thevelvetseries​ @spnfamily-j2

@let-me-luve-you​ @obsessedwithfandomsx​ @wecantgiggleitsafandom

@mangueweaschester​ @starchildwild​ @deans-baby-momma​ @spnbaby-67​

@unicornmadness2444​ @emery--nicole--morrison

[ngame989]

“Friends” - TGG SVTFOE Fanfic Collection Ch. 12

Writing: @ngame989​​

Art: @toxicpsychox​​

Editing: @ubercelloczar​​, @seddm​​

Alternate fic links - FFnet, AO3

Summary: Ludo needs help making friends and turns to Star and Marco for help, but things quickly spiral out of their control.

Comic Page

Masterpost

It's been an incredibly trying month for me and I'm unsure about a lot of things in my personal life now, but this isn't one of them. I'm so happy to finally be getting back to my feet so I can make more of the Starco content I want the world to see. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for your patience. (Also, fair warning, there’s one ever so slightly steamy Starco scene here)

“Have you ever wondered why heart thingies are hearts?” Marco stopped chewing on a bite of his burrito as he turned his full attention to Star. It wasn’t the most confusing thing she’d ever said, but it was up there. “Like, why does this symbol mean hearts and love and stuff?” she clarified, holding up a piece of heart-shaped candy from the post-Valentine’s Day shopping spree Eclipsa had taken her on weeks ago.

“Dunno,” he responded. “Maybe it’s what people used to think hearts looked like or something.”

“None of the hearts I’ve seen on hunting trips with Dad ever looked like this. Although one was made of chocolate.” She shrugged and popped the treat into her mouth, dumping some more from the bag into her mouth soon after. Her cheeks were puffed out, stretching her heart marks wide and Marco couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. “What?” she mumbled, still chewing. He pantomimed the sight in front of him, pointing to his own puffed-up cheeks. Star quickly grabbed two more candies, licking the backs of them before sticking them to Marco’s face, smiling quite smugly at her handiwork. “Now we’re heart twinsies!” She scooted around the table next to him and leaned in, snapping a selfie. “The kids will love this one.”

He swallowed the last bite of his burrito, thanking the heavens for the new Taco Baco location on campus. The other food options there were… lacking, to say the least.

“The Valentine’s Day Chocopalooza was a smash hit, but I have no clue how to follow it! I can’t have peaked after half a year, Marco!” The memories came flooding back: brownie batter as far as the eye could see, melted chocolate inflicting its goopy wrath on every surface in the kitchen, and so much frosting that he still didn’t want to even look at the stuff.

“I think they just like spending time with you. You’re really good with kids, Star. Besides, the only other holiday coming up is Easter, and you’re terrified of it.”

“It has a giant rabbit that lays eggs, Marco! How do you not see how horrifying that is?”

A loud cough from the bushes behind them might normally have only caught Marco’s attention for a passing moment, but another voice frantically shushed it. “Dennis, quiet! The giant bunny schtick is too good!”

“Ludo?” Star and Marco said in unison.

“Hello, Star and Marco!” Ludo exclaimed with an emphatic wave. “So wonderful to see you again! How’s your kid?”

“She’s not… she’s fine,” Marco relented, estimating that it wouldn’t be worth the hassle. “So… how’s it going?”

“Things are fine, family’s good. Bird and Spider told me to say hello.” He seemed even twitchier than Marco remembered. Dennis prodded his brother with a wing, clearly trying to be surreptitious about it and failing spectacularly. “Ahem, well, there is one teensy tiny issue… I ran into Bearnicorn a few days ago. I totally froze up! Things were pretty awkward last time I saw the whole gang and I think I’m finally ready to try again, but I have no idea how to do that. You might not know this, but I have some issues getting over things,” he stated earnestly. Star and Marco exchanged a bewildered glance - he couldn’t be serious, right? Wait, what were they thinking, Ludo could totally say something like that seriously. Ludo took a deep breath and continued, “But Dennis suggested that I come to you two for help, since I had actually managed to work everything out with you.”

Star munched on another chocolate heart as she mulled over what he was saying. “So you want our help to… make friends?”

The edges of his beak-mouth turned up in an ecstatic smile. “I would like that very much!”

***

“You’re sure about this, Star?”

“He’s not hurting anything, Mom.” Star didn’t glance up from the piles of clothing she was rummaging through at the sound of her mom’s wary question; it wasn’t an unfair one, considering the history involved. Even though he was friendly now, Ludo was too much of a wildcard to completely discount as harmless. Still, though, Star saw no reason to suspect any tricks up his sleeve (though there were probably some bugs there). The nostalgia of reconnecting with Ludo was oddly calming for Star, and considering how quickly Marco agreed to help Ludo with his issues, despite the craziness of midterms approaching, she guessed he felt the same. Drawer after drawer bore no fruit in her quest to find the sweater for Marco’s all-important psychology ensemble - the book and glasses had already been secured.

“Though I didn’t say anything, I admit I was initially hesitant about you two sharing living quarters like this, but I must say Marco’s organizational skills seemed to have rubbed off on you,” Moon said with a snicker. She bent down and checked under the bed, pulling out stray bags of cereal and bottles of soda that Star recognized from her and Marco’s late night movie marathons slash cuddle sessions. “...somewhat.”

Think Star, think! When was the last time you saw that dang sweater? Let’s see… he wore it on our Valentine’s Day date so it can’t be that hidden - it was a bit snug on him which made it extra adorably handsome. He’d said he’d wear it more if I wanted, and I fell over laughing when he wore it just last weekend before we… oh corn. Star now recalled where the sweater would almost certainly be as a wave of horror washed over her. She slammed the dresser drawer and whipped around for a mad dash to the nightstand, where- pegasus feathers. Moon had just found the sweater, which was great, and with it was the exact last box she wanted anyone else (and especially her mom) to find, which was... greeeeeeat. Star generally felt she had a solid, trusting bond with her mother, but she’d never been - and still wasn’t - the first person Star blabbed to about her personal affairs.

“Mom, I can explain-”

“Star, sweetie, I’m not upset. What you do with Marco is none of my business, you’re a grown young woman who is more than capable of making her own decisions. If anything I’m simply relieved that you’re taking such sane precautions. I may be old, but I’m not ready to earn my place in the Grandma Room quite yet.” Despite her embarrassment, Star had to admit she was eased by her mom’s understanding,. “And don’t worry,” Moon said softly, “I’ll handle the subject with your father for you, if you’d like.” And just like that, any comfort was washed away by a tidal wave of beet-red cheeks and incoherent sputtering.

Marco poked his head in, causing Star to yelp and jump off the bed. “Hey, you almost ready?”

“Yep! Totally, totally, totally ready and not discussing anything about our personal lives with mom!”

“Uh-huh…” Marco responded. “Well, I’m ready down there if you are. Oh hey, there’s my sweater. Good, we’ll need it... I, uh think we have our work cut out for us.”

Star was worried, but also kinda happy to have an excuse to leave the current conversation as soon as Mewmanly possible. She handed the sweater from her mom to Marco, who put it on as they walked downstairs to where Ludo was curiously poking around the living room.

“Oh, hello Star! I was just admiring your lovely castle. Bit small for my tastes, but what do I know, haha!”

“Yeeeeeeah…” She then leaned over to whisper to Marco. “So, like, what did he say so far?”

“He said that he tried practicing talking to people with garbage dolls.”

“Weird.”

“I don’t even know where to start, really.”

“Hey Ludo,” Star called out, walking over and sitting on the couch next to him. “So, bud, whatcha need us for here, exactly?”

“Ah, yes, well… I’d like to be able to talk to my old friends again without being their boss. You know, the whole scheming to defeat you… steal the wand… take over Mewni and rule it with an IRON FIST-” He had gotten so worked up that he was on his feet jumping up and down on the couch, but stopped and took a deep breath before chuckling. “Aha, see, there it is again! It’s usually not like this, it’s been months since I’ve even once brought up the wand in a game of cha-rads…”

Yeah, this might be a liiiiiiittle tricky. She tented her fingers as she came up with a plan. Could I… nah. Would it…? Mmm, no go. Wait, Star, duh! “ Alright, Ludo, it’s time for some patented psychomological work from Star Butterfly, H.P.D. We need to see what’s going on in your head.”

“Ooo, sounds fun! So for starters I think there’s some lice-”

“No, no,” she responded calmly, “I mean we need to find what’s making you tick.”

“Yup, I’ve got ticks too!”

Marco put a hand on her shoulder, his worried expression clear even to her peripheral vision. “Are you sure he should be in the same house as Mari-”

“Not now, Marco,” Star hissed, swatting his hand away while keeping her gaze trained on Ludo. “Why are you having trouble talking to your old friends again? What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say ‘Boo Fly’?”

“Messenger.”

“Buff Frog?”

“Excellent spy.”

“Lobster Claws?”

“Putting his claws on the wand- oh, wait, I see now! This is like cha-rads but with just words! You almost got me!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re getting it! OK, one more… Toffee.”

“Candy! It’s so delectable with chocolate-”

“You know what, that one’s probably for the best,” Star murmured. “Well, Ludo, it seems to me like your biggest problem is that you aren’t even thinking about your old crew as regular people. Try this. Think of doing something you’d normally do with your brother.”

“Picking the worms out of our feathers to eat-”

“Yeah, no,” Star cut him off. She wanted to help, she really did, but she had a million other things on her mind and now was just not a great time for endless Ludo shenanigans. “I was thinking something less gross…”

“Basketball?” he cheerily offered.

“Sure. Imagine yourself playing basketball with your brother…” She paused a moment as he started miming out dribbling in his seat. “Now imagine doing the same exact thing but with Bearnicorn there instead of your brother.” His arms twitched a bit.

“Keep dribbling, man!” Marco called out encouragingly. Ludo shut his eyes in concentration and after a moment got back into his awkward, gawkish basketball form.

Ludo’s bulbous eyes snapped back open, frantic with glee. “Aha, yes! I think I see it now! Oh, thank you, Star and Marco! I’m off to go find my friends again!” With that, he bolted out the front door and scurried down the road until he was out of sight.

“You think that’ll work?” Star asked hopefully.

Marco sighed and hugged her from behind. “Not a chance.”

***

“Alright, we have a few minutes left in class so if anyone has any questions on the graded midterms I just passed back, let me know. Otherwise you’re free to leave. Have a good weekend!”

Marco hunched over in his chair as he quickly scanned through the multiple choice questions and short answers. A few stupid mistakes here and there, but still an A - he’d even gotten a smiley face next to his essay assessing some example personality type or another. All in all, things felt right. Karate, sword-fighting, and adventuring were important to him but he’d always felt the most fulfilled helping others with their problems - psychology just seemed right.

A high-pitched, squawking voice interrupted him. “Hey, dude, what did you get for number 12?” Marco looked up at another student - Matt, if he was remembering correctly - who was hovering over him at an uncomfortably close distance. Even with how much life had changed in the past few years, his academic reputation stayed the same.

“Uh, C,” Marco responded absentmindedly.

“Oh, that makes sense. And what about 13?”

“B.”

“And… 14 through 35.”

“Just talk to Mrs. B, man,” Marco irritatedly replied, shaking his head. Normally he enjoyed helping classmates if he could, but he had promised Star he’d helm the planning for the daycare’s Easter party on account of her phobia - well, that, and he’d heard Matt bragging about how he’d blown off studying to play the new Super Slash Sisters game all night long. He looked back down to check over one last page and grinned to himself. The final essay prompt hadn’t been for a grade, but instead asked a simpler question: Why are you here? Without context, it might have seemed odd or downright rude, but the teacher had spent the first few months of the semester encouraging all the students to reflect on their goals and what they hoped to gain from the psychology program. The blunt prompt had caught him off guard, but after realizing what it was asking, he’d spent probably about as much time as he had on the rest of the exam combined describing his experiences and motivations on Mewni that drove him to help and support others.

Of course, he couldn’t help but talk about Star at length as part of that. His adorable, brave, compassionate best friend that inspired him to be more. Where would he even be now without her? He could still be at college, he supposed, but that wasn’t saying much. It was humorous to imagine: waking up, being driven to college by his mom, waving hello to Jackie every day (his foolproof plan to woo her had involved eventually moving past nodding, after all), getting straight As, working fruitlessly towards a red belt after classes, then… what? The world had so much more to offer him, and vice versa, and Star was the one who’d helped him realize that. The words had just flowed right out of his pen, paragraphs and paragraphs of glowing praise and affection, enough to leave his chest feeling as warm as it did when she was physically there.

“Hey, Marco, I have a question-”

Stirred from his contemplative state, Marco wheeled on the figure that had just tapped him on the shoulder, ready to tell Matt off for interrup- oh.

“Ludo? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, well, I was in the neighborhood and I thought I’d just drop in! But also, please help me. I did what you said but then I dribbled Boo Fly on the ground and he got really upset and-”

Marco sighed. Hope Star’s fine with me being late.

***

Most days, Star loved everything about her job. It was hard work, but it was so satisfying bringing smiles and warmth to the faces of the kids in her care and seeing them light up with stories to tell their families at the end of each day. Her hours were flexible, she got to spend time with Marco, and Antonio was a wonderful boss.

Today, however, was not most days.

Of freaking course Easter was Antonio’s favorite holiday.

The kids seemed to be enjoying his antics as he pranced around in a bunny costume, but for the life of her she just couldn’t understand why. Is it a normal rabbit or a person-sized one? No one even seems to know what it is! Does it lay bird eggs or rabbit eggs? Both are pretty horrifying if you ask me! If you get chocolate eggs in your Easter basket, does it lay them too? I’m not eating any soft brown rabbit droppings, Marco! They didn’t even get any days off for it, so Star was convinced the best thing to do was ignore its existence as a holiday entirely. Her incredibly valid concerns had largely been met with amusement, even by Marco, but Antonio had at least offered to let her keep her distance and work behind-the-scenes for the party they had planned, which was now going on in the main playroom.

Packing baskets with candy was easy enough. Chocolate, gummies, cookies, donuts. Candy corn for the humans and candied corn for the Mewmans - as much as the humans liked Mewman corn, they hadn’t quite accepted it as a valid dessert yet. There were a few special ones marked down as well. Some marshmallow mice for the Septarians, a ribeye steak for the Johansen - her third cousin or something like that, she wasn’t even sure exactly whose kid he was - and some dried bugs for the kappas… wait, since when were there any kappas at the daycare? She yanked the full list out from underneath the pile of sweets and quickly scanned it. 105? Aren’t there only 104 kids in the program this semester?

She almost missed it at the very top of the list: “Manudo Avarius”. She vaguely remembered hearing about a sibling with that name at some point… maybe they just joined? Something still seemed off to Star but she pushed it aside and finished the last of the baskets just in time for the end of the party. As the kids left, Star cheerfully handed out the baskets to the tune of joyous squeals from the kids and careful warnings from the parents to not eat too much at once. Pffftt, come on, I eat cake for breakfast and I turned out fine!

Curiously, she hadn’t spotted anyone that resembled Ludo yet even as the remaining crowd dwindled to almost nothing. Antonio had already begun to put away decorations when she finally spotted the figure, taking the basket over to them. But when they turned around, showing a braided beard… oh pegasus feathers.

“Star Butterfly! So good to see you again.”

“Hey Ludo,” she said. “Are you picking up Manudo?”

“Why would Menudo be here?”

“Well the paper said Manudo-”

“No, no, that’s not how it’s spelled, but besides, I’m here by myself. A large man with a magnificent beard asked me for my name and told me I was missing a party with lots of sweets! He kept calling me a child and I said I was a man and that my name was Ludo, but who cares when there’s free chips, am I right?” He reached into one of the five chip bags in his arms and stuffed a handful into his beak.

Man-udo. Dangit, Antonio. “So… good to see you, but what brings you here?”

“Well, I talked to Marco just the other day because it still just wasn’t working, but then I tried something else and that still didn’t work, so now I need your help again. It all started on Tuesday-”

Star slumped down into a beanbag chair and reached into the basket, deftly avoiding the bugs as she searched for cookies to nibble on. This is going to be a while.

***

“So what did you say this place was?” Tom asked as he glanced around the restaurant. The vibrant cherry-red booths and soulful singer crooning over the speakers created a very different atmosphere than anything in the Underworld, but he liked it.

Sitting across from him, Marco downed another fry and took a sip of his water before responding. “Diners are the best places to go for comfort food. Burgers, onion rings, waffles, all that kinda stuff. Emilio’s is the best in town.”

Next to Marco, Star was wolfing down onion rings by the handful. “The secret is that he hired a bunch of Eclipsa’s old chefs, so they make great Mewman and monster food too. Don’t tell Mom but their Mewnipendence Day pies are the best I’ve ever had - though they don’t call it that anymore.” She was still chewing when she spoke, but after so many years of knowing Star he had no trouble understanding her garbled words. “It’s really cool that Emilio was able to get back on his feet after the incident.”

“What incident?” Tom asked, eliciting an irritated groan from Marco.

“So basically, a few years ago, Ponyhead and I-”

“Oh boy, a Ponyhead story,” Janna sarcastically said, rolling her eyes, and Tom elbowed her side.

An older man with olive skin approached the table. ““Does everything taste alright? If your dining experience isn’t absolutely perfect, please let me know, I can get you anything. More to drink, dessert, maybe some mushrooms...”

“It’s great, Emilio,” Marco mumbled.

“Good, good…” Emilio was smiling a bit too hard as he backed away, his eyes lingering on Marco’s meal.

Marco caught Tom’s curious gaze and buried his head in his hands. “Look, it’s a long story. There was this pizza, then spiraling alcoholism, then a bit of arson…”

Janna’s hand, resting on Tom’s leg, unconsciously twitched as she perked up. “Woah, OK, now I actually do want to hear this.”

“Too late, no take backs.”

“Aww, you’re no fun.”

“So anyway, we picked the restaurant this time so have you two decided what we’re doing after?” Oh crud, we forgot to plan. Tom’s initial instinct was to claim a beginner’s mistake, since it was only the second of their monthly double dates and their first time planning the after-dinner entertainment… except the actual reason was that he and Janna happened to get into their first major makeout session the night they had set aside for planning, burning thoughts of accomplishing anything else to a crisp in the process. Star and Marco were the last people that would be squicked out by romantic affection- that wasn’t the problem. After years of slacking on responsibilities and having any kind of social life at all in a misguided attempt to chase after Star, he couldn’t help but feel extra guilty over this specific lapse.

Janna leaned in, whispering in his ear. “Can’t we just hit up the Sands of Eternal Torment?”

“For the tenth time, Jan, no,” he hissed through his teeth. “There’s, like, a 25% chance you’d all have your souls violently ripped from your bodies.”

“Only 25? Ew, nevermind, just let them pick.” She leaned in even closer, her breath hot in his ear. “If it’s somewhere boring, we could always just sneak away and-”

“Good evening!” Tom squeaked and quickly turned his head at the sudden boisterous call from his other side, almost smacking Janna in the temple with his horn in the process. It was an incredibly short bird creature with a thick grey beard - a kappa, if Tom was remembering correctly. It wasn’t their same waiter from before, but hey, what did he know about how Earth restaurants worked?

Tom held out his glass, but the supposed waiter ignored it. “Yeah, can I have a refill on the demonade, please?” Star and Marco glanced over at the waiter, their eyes opening wide before they both groaned and smacked their faces on the table in unison. Alright, maybe he’s not a waiter then.

***

“Star...” Marco uttered. Star removed her wandering lips from his neck and propped herself up to look lovingly at him, shivering slightly as she abandoned the warmth of his bare skin. It had been probably over a year now since they’d first become more intimate like this, but the fire still burned just as hot. Heck, it was better now than those first forays, Star reckoned; with time came confidence and experience that let them enjoy themselves and each other to the absolute fullest. They’d both had busy lives the last few months or so, and with the end of the semester fast approaching Star knew they would be even busier soon, but none of that seemed to matter in this time they’d taken for themselves. Even after a break for a shower and snacks, their present cozy state under the blanket with nothing between them still felt as radiant as any proper afterglow could.

“Mhmm?” A devious thought crossed her mind, but she tried her best to feign innocence as she slowly slithered down his body, leaving fiery trails of kisses down his chest and sweet, sweet abs.

“Not that I don’t like, you know, doing this but I don’t, uh, know if I have it in me for another rouuuuuuuu-” His voice shot up an octave and his whole body jolted as she blew raspberries on his belly button and snuck her arms up to tickle around his armpits. “Star, please- I can’t- I’m- can’t breathe-” he sputtered out between hysterical bouts of laughter.

She was laughing too by the time his flailing pushed her off of him. Before he’d even collected himself, he lunged forward, trying to catch her with a determined-but-still-goofy grin on his face. Star dodged and backed away from the bed entirely as Marco grasped at her limbs. He finally gave up, lying on his stomach while resting his head on his chin and staring up at her. Even though his tush was right there for the ogling, Star was instead captivated by his enamored gaze and dopey smile.

“Dangit, Marco, you know I can’t resist that look,” she huffed, allowing him to take her hands and pull her next to him on the bed.

“I know,” he said smugly. “You’re not the only one who can weaponize being all lovey dovey.”

“The student has become the master,” she quipped, their hands still joined between them as they lay on their sides.

“But I do mean it, Star. I love every single part of you, and that’s not gonna change. Things have been hectic lately for both of us, but stuff with the daycare, what you want to do for a living, Ludo… we can figure that all out. Just reach into your pocket if you need me.”

She gently patted his head, running her fingers through his freshly shampooed hair. It was alluring to smell, to hold, to feel brushing up against her. Though the problems they faced now were of a different kind than the forces of evil that they’d spent their earlier years tackling, his presence was still what she needed most to ground her and make everything feel alright. Her face dipped in for a kiss, initially short and sweet but quickly succumbing to a familiar hunger. She pounced on him but miscalculated her momentum, rolling the whole way over him and pulling him with her so he lay on top. Not complaining, she thought as she hugged him close and indulged in the sensory bliss of his skin on hers.

He lightly rested his forehead on hers. “Do you, um, mind if we maybe don’t, y’know…” he trailed off sheepishly.

“Marco,” she crooned, holding his face in her hands. “How many times do I have to say it: I don’t want to do anything if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“I-I can try that, um, thing again, though, instead if- if you want?” Oh sweet, sweet Marco. Even after years together, he still couldn’t rest until he was sure he’d done everything he could for her.

“Yeah,” she implored, breathy with the mounting anticipation as he began a trail of kisses downward.

“What thing are you two talking about?” Time seemed to stop as any building pleasure completely evaporated. Marco grabbed the crumpled bedsheet and pulled it over the two of them as the couple stared at the window in complete incredulity to where Ludo was standing on a flapping Dennis’s back. “Well, anyway, I need some more advice-”

“GET. OUT!”

***

Marco rested his chin in his hands while Star paced in front of him. Three months. Three months of Ludo showing up at the most inopportune times, three months of Star trying and failing to feel satisfied with her efforts at the daycare, three months of a semester so intense that they were both at their wit’s end with all of it. Ludo had once again come to the college for advice after his 26th attempt to regain his old friends failed just as catastrophically as the previous 25. He was persistent, Marco had to give him that, and the old monster crew had even been pretty supportive when Star and Marco had tracked them down themselves and explained the situation. The issue seemed to be entirely from within Ludo’s own mind, which made it a dozen times harder to solve. It was the last day of the semester and they’d been haunted by thoughts of every minute of summer vacation spent throwing themselves at the brick wall of Ludo’s psyche, so they’d made a pact that today was all or nothing. Neither wanted to ditch Ludo, he wasn’t a bad guy, but enough was enough.

“Any ideas?” Star piped up, sounding entirely lost and uncertain as her gaze kept nervously darting over to Ludo who was brushing his beard and snacking on its droppings in the empty playroom. “We’ve tried psychology, reverse psychology, pep talks, reverse reverse psychology, all-you-can-eat chips, ygolohscysp-”

“Which still isn’t a thing,” Marco interrupted.

“Well I’m sorry, I’m not the one with a fancy degree, Marco!” she growled, tossing her arms out. “Ugh, sorry, this is just so frustrating. Doesn’t he have, like, a thousand brothers and sisters he could hang out with? If he can’t relax around the monsters, why does he always have to pester us when he could-” Her pacing instantly halted as her eyes opened wide. “Oh crud.”

He stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, unsure whether her apparent epiphany was a good or bad thing. “Star?”

“He came to us for help becoming comfortable around his old pals again because he already was comfortable around us.”

“Way too comfortable,” Marco muttered with a wince that Star mirrored. They were still a little bit traumatized from the shower incident. “But that means-”

“He never needed his monster pals, he just needed… friends,” she said just as he had the revelation on his own.

Marco smacked his forehead and sighed. “And he spent so much time fixating on this one thing, and we spent so much time just trying to solve his problem and shove him out the door, that we never tried just… being his friends.”

They both looked through the little window into the playroom, where Ludo saw them and waved with a giant smile.

Star buried her face in her hands, messing up her hair like she was prone to do whenever she was feeling frazzled. “Ugh, I feel terrible.”

“Same, but… we can’t be his only friends, though. I feel bad for him, but I don’t know if I have it in me to be his BFF.”

“You’re right, you’re right, but who else could even handle that? Who? The guy’s so hyper and weird, ugh, he reminds me of me as a kid, except way less cute.”

“...a kid.” They both mumbled simultaneously. It was as if a single lightbulb had gone off above both of them at once as all the pieces fell into place. “That’s it!”

Star bolted out the door to gather the handful of children that hadn’t been picked up yet while Marco got Ludo. A few minutes later, they met up at the rec center basketball court where Antonio helped them set up some kid-sized hoops. It took a bit of coaxing, but after a few minutes Ludo was having the time of his life tossing the ball around. The kids seemed to enjoy it, too, as he regaled them with tales of his adventures on Earth (and a few about a space princess with a cyclops and robot for friends that Marco was pretty sure he made up). Star and Marco had joined for a few games but both decided to just step back and watch from the bleachers for a while.

As they observed the scene, listening to the ecstatic wails of everyone on the court as they ran around with the ball, there was a smile on Star’s face that was more content than Marco had seen in a while. “See? You made their whole week just by giving them someone fun to play with,” Marco said, lacing his fingers through her hand. “They like you a lot more than they like balloons and candy.”

“Even I don’t need candy with you here being so sweet,” she cooed, nuzzling into his shoulder, neither taking their eyes off the courts. Ludo passed the ball to Trevor, who spun around and passed it back in a fluid motion that allowed Ludo to score. The blissful, carefree sight was soothing after the intensity of Marco’s life lately. Just some kids and a small bird man having fun playing a game together… life didn’t always have to be so complicated. The serene moment abruptly ended when Ludo’s beak caught on the rim, leaving him dangling above the ground and shrieking for help. As Star squeezed Marco’s hand, sighed, and stood up to go help the poor kappa, Marco knew it could never be truly simple either.

[inawickedlittletown]

I’m With You (15/?)

Summary:

Having a crush was nothing to be ashamed of…lying to the family and friends of said crush about being the guy’s boyfriend, that was a whole other problem. When Buck saves the life of Andrew Diaz and accidentally makes a nurse think that he’s Andrew’s boyfriend, Buck soon finds himself lying to Andrew’s firefighter friends/coworkers as well as Andrew’s family including Andrew’s very suspicious and attractive brother, Eddie.

Based on the 1995 movie While You Were Sleeping.

Words: 3,384

Notes: This chapter was originally over 6k long, so during editing when I found a particularly good stopping point I decided to cut it into two. That also meant that i could post this today and not once I finish editing the rest of what used to be this chapter. So, here we are. Enjoy.  

Read on Ao3

Masterpost

Previous Chapter

–

The first person to call Buck’s new phone was Hen and he agreed to meet with her for coffee after he left the hospital because she insisted that they go and because Chimney had overheard the conversation on her end, he invited himself too. For good measure, Buck had gone ahead and invited Josh along. 

“I just wanted to see how you were doing,” Hen said. “Christopher getting hurt on your watch must have felt horrible.” 

“It did,” Buck admitted. And it was still bothering him a little. He knew logically it wasn’t his fault, but Christopher had been crying and whimpering in pain and Buck should have been able to protect him from it. Seeing him and how well he was handling his healing wrist had made Buck feel a little better. 

“What happened?” Josh asked. 

Buck explained with Hen piping in. 

“It was just a sprained wrist,” Chimney said. “Very minor, right Hen?” 

She nodded. “And things like that can happen at any time, especially with kids with CP. It’s really not your fault, Buck.” 

“I know,” Buck said. Eddie didn’t even blame him for it. “It still sucked.” 

Hen pat his hand on the table. “I know. I remember the first time Denny got hurt — I don’t know who was crying more, Denny or Karen.” 

Chimney and Buck grinned at each other and Josh laughed. Some of the weight from what happened to Christopher fell away as Hen started asking Josh questions about dispatch and Josh had plenty of stories. 

Eventually, the topic switched over to Andrew. 

“I stopped by last night,” Josh said. “He’s getting discharged tomorrow, right?” 

Buck nodded. He didn’t want to think about it too much. When Eddie had told him while they were visiting Andrew, Buck had tried not to show how panicked it made him to hear it. It was just that so far things had been a little strange. Andrew had to know Buck wasn’t his boyfriend...or if he didn’t know, he likely suspected something, and yet he wasn’t questioning anything and instead acting like Buck was his boyfriend. It was strange. 

Josh met his eyes and there was a question there about what was happening that Buck couldn’t answer.

“That’s good, then,” Josh said. “He’ll be back to normal in no time.” 

“Yeah,” Buck said. Everything would go back to normal. Including how much Buck didn’t belong. 

“We should throw him a welcome party,” Hen said. “I don’t want to overstep, Buck, but it’d be nice to get everyone together to welcome him home. Think it’s alright to do at his place?”

Chim looked like he was having too much fun with that going by the way he wiggled his eyebrows at Buck. Josh coughed to hide his amusement and it was lucky that Hen didn’t realize what they were on about. 

“Uh, that sounds like a good idea,” Buck said. 

“Good, good,” Hen said and then she started to plan. 

“She loves a good welcome back party,” Chimney explained. “In our line of work there’s always someone out for an injury. And I’m sure we’ll have another party when he gets back to work.” 

Hen nodded with a small smile. 

Buck was struck yet again by how much love there was among these people whose lives he’d shoved himself into. Something about it must have shown on his face because Josh nudged him. 

“Okay?” he mouthed at him. 

Buck nodded. Hen was talking about picking up a cake and Chimney was texting and presumably inviting anyone that should be at a welcome home party for Andrew. 

“Eddie says he won’t be discharged until sometime tomorrow and he can stall bringing him to the house for a little while if we need him to,” Hen said. “Good thing we’re not on shift tomorrow.”

“And look at that, neither am I,” Josh said. 

They looked to Buck. “Working early in the morning,” he said and it wasn’t something he could miss after the day of work that he’d already missed this week. 

“And we have to clean up the place a bit?” Hen asked, looking at Buck. 

“I did a bit of cleaning yesterday when I stopped by to feed Legolas but it’s still a bit of a mess after the earthquake.” 

“Okay,” Hen said. “So we’ll have to get there early to set up.” 

Buck nodded along and as all the details were ironed out, he tried to figure out if maybe this party might end up being the perfect time for him to come clean. They would all be there and he could explain the whole thing. And then when it was all over he could walk away and maybe things wouldn’t be that bad. If Buck mentally prepared himself for it, then it would be okay even if it hurt. It was definitely going to hurt. 

Josh hung back after Hen and Chimney headed off. “So, what is going on? Like, the truth?” 

“I have no idea. He doesn’t remember everything yet so I’m pretty sure he just thinks he’s forgotten me. The whole thing is messed up but I have to tell him, right? I can’t let him keep trying to remember me when he won’t be able to? I just haven’t been alone with him since that one day when he was pushing me to become a firefighter and I don’t even know what to make of that. I just — this is so weird.” 

Josh pulled him into a hug. “Everything will be okay, Buck. Even if it blows up in your face. I’ll still be your friend.” 

“Thanks,” Buck said and he meant it because he needed to know that he wouldn’t lose everyone.

“And I don’t think you’ll lose everyone either after it all comes out,” Josh said. 

Buck didn’t agree, but he didn’t feel like arguing that point. 

He and Josh parted ways and Buck headed towards his Jeep.

—-

Eddie went on his own to pick Andrew up from the hospital because everyone else including Abuela and Pepa were at Andrew’s house for the surprise welcome home party. When he arrived at the hospital room, Andrew hadn’t been discharged yet. 

“Waiting on the doctor,” Andrew explained. 

So Eddie sat down. “And how are you doing? Remembering more?” 

“A bit,” Andrew said and then after a short moment, “quite a bit.” 

“The dog? Buck?” Eddie asked at once and maybe he was a little too eager. 

Andrew chuckled. “I don’t even like Lord of the Rings, Eddie. I have no idea whose dog that is.” 

“I thought you liked the movies. Wait, you used to read the books when we were kids...and I remember a very long rant about The Hobbit movies”

Andrew just blinked at him. “I don’t remember everything,” he said with a shrug. “But, I remembered your ex. Christopher’s mother.” 

“You don’t remember your own boyfriend, but you remember her,” Eddie said incredulously. 

Andrew chuckled. “He’s great, though, isn’t he? Buck. I really like him. I haven’t gotten to spend too much time alone with him, but as far as I can tell he’s a pretty great guy and I wouldn’t be here without him, would I? I was actually trying to push him into joining the LAFD. I think it would be a great fit for him, wouldn’t you?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I guess it would be.” 

“And he’s nice to look at, isn’t he? Really well fit, I’ve been meaning to ask him about his workout routine. Everyone seems to like him. I kind of get it, I guess, even if I don’t remember. Mom and dad seem to like him more than your ex.”

It wasn’t surprising that Andrew liked Buck. Somewhere deep down, Andrew probably did remember how he felt about Buck — his attraction to Buck. And that made Eddie’s jaw clench a little and make him want to snap at Andrew. Mostly it also made Eddie a horrible person and a horrible brother. He had no claim on Buck. He had no right to be upset about the way that Andrew talked about Buck. 

“Anyway, I don’t remember him, but what I know of him now I like. Did you know he lived in South America for a while? He didn’t say where but I think it’s so cool that he did his own thing and just went where he wanted to. I admire him for it.”

Eddie couldn’t remember if he’d known that about Buck or not. 

“And considering the coffee he makes, I can only imagine how good he is at mixing drinks,” Andrew said and he looked thoughtful for a moment. “Also, I keep meaning to ask if that’s a scar on his eyebrow or something else. I can’t remember, obviously, but it suits him, don’t you think?” 

Eddie tampered down the possessive monster inside of him that wanted nothing more than to stop Andrew from continuing to talk about Buck as if he actually knew him and as if he liked him or felt more for him even though of course Andrew felt that way about Buck. They were dating. Eddie was just...he was stupid enough to not have good control over his feelings. 

“It’s a birthmark, I think,” Eddie said and tried to be nonchalant.

“Must be why it fits him so well,” Andrew said with a decisive nod. 

Eddie wanted the doctor to get there and discharge Andrew already. He checked his phone. Hen was giving him the okay to bring Andrew home. Eddie couldn’t help but wonder if Buck would stick around at Andrew’s place, if he was looking forward to having him out of the hospital. Eddie had to push those thoughts away. 

“Have you spoken to mom and dad?” Eddie asked, making the effort to change the subject. 

“Yes,” Andrew said. “Got my phone charged so I got caught up on a few things and called them. She’s been texting me practically every hour.” 

“That’s mom,” Eddie said. “She worries.” 

“Yeah, I got that.” 

It was another twenty minutes before a doctor finally appeared with the discharge papers and instructions to do with the headaches that Andrew was still having. He had some meds to take for the pain, but he was essentially in good health other than the memory loss. 

“Finally,” Andrew said when they were out of the hospital and walking to Eddie’s car.

Weirdly as much as Eddie was glad that his brother was finally out of the hospital and okay, he also hated him a little. Eddie was cognizant of himself enough to realize that at least some of that was to do with Buck and the feelings that sat on his chest and didn’t seem keen on leaving. 

“I remember your car,” Andrew said somewhat cheerily. “And I drive—” he took a moment to think about it. 

The same moment in which Eddie had to wonder about why none of them had thought to think of Andrew’s car. Eddie should have been the one to think about that and maybe he would have if the hospital had given him Andrew’s things. And actually, come to think of it, Buck hadn’t given them Andrew’s keys even though he was probably the one that had them. 

“I drive a Jeep,” Andrew said. 

Until Andrew said it, Eddie hadn’t even thought about how Buck and Andrew drove the same type of car. Maybe it was yet another thing that had bonded them. Seeing all those connections, the way that Andrew didn’t remember Buck but already seemed entirely fond of him, it made him want to scream. 

“You do,” Eddie said but refrained from telling him that his car had probably been towed in the unlikely event that it wasn’t still wherever Andrew had parked it. 

—-

So maybe Andrew was messing with Eddie a little. It was just that Andrew wanted to know for sure if what he’d seen on Eddie the other day was more than admiration for Buck but something deeper. And from the way that Eddie seemed to be both a bit quieter and a bit stiff that he was in his head about something. Likely Buck. 

It was interesting. A bit ironic in a way, too, and Andrew had figured out how he was going to punish Buck for what he’d done. If it messed with his brother a bit too, well, that was just a nice side effect. 

The drive over to his house was a little familiar and then when Eddie parked, he knew which house was his. Slowly things filled themselves into his head. It was weird the way that things would just fit into place and he knew them. Maybe, it was going to be the same once he saw the dog. Legolas. His phone had given him next to no information about the dog. Andrew didn’t even have pictures of him.

“Familiar?” Eddie asked. 

“Yeah,” Andrew said. “It’s home.”

As the words left his mouth, though, they didn’t feel true and Andrew didn’t know what to make of that because this was his home.  

“My car isn’t here,” Andrew said when he paused at the bottom of the steps. 

Eddie grimaced. “About that,” he said. “We, um, we forgot about it.” 

“You forgot about it,” Andrew said. 

“Look, I will take care of everything. I think Pepa assumed Buck would have done it but we were all a bit distracted with you in a coma and everything. But I’ll figure all of that out tomorrow.” 

Andrew couldn’t even really be mad. It was the whole Buck problem rearing its head again. 

They walked up the steps and Andrew noticed that there were a few cracks on the concrete that he knew hadn’t been there before. And when Eddie opened the door, it didn’t glide in like usual. Andrew barely had time to focus on that though because the last thing Andrew expected was to step inside and have everyone yell “Surprise!” 

—-

Christopher still had a bandage around his wrist and it was a reminder to Buck of what he’d allowed to happen even if no one else blamed him for it. Not even Christopher who had hugged Buck when he first arrived at Andrew’s house with Isabel and Pepa and then followed him around and tried to help him with whatever Buck was doing. 

Isabel had recently been in the hospital too after a bad fall, but she was doing fine and she’d only gone because she hadn’t been able to get up on her own and she thought she might have injured her hip but she’d had her phone close by and managed a call to 9-1-1. Mostly, Pepa was keeping her seated and comfortable because the fall had left her bruised up. It made Buck hesitate on wanting to tell everyone the truth, but then again most things made him rethink it and too much time had passed. Buck needed to tell them. 

“You look like you’re worrying about something,” Josh said. 

“I’m telling them,” Buck said. “Today.” 

Josh raised an eyebrow at him and pat his shoulder. “Things have been going so well lately, do you really want to just blow that up?” 

“Andrew is going to remember everything any day now. Him coming home is just going to make that process even faster and then what?”

Josh sighed. “Look, there’s things you don’t—”

“Josh, I can’t keep lying,” Buck said. “It’s too...it’s different now that he’s awake. This has gone on way too long.”

“Yeah, I get that, but maybe wait a little longer or I don’t know, have you considered talking to Andrew and explaining.” 

The idea of talking to Andrew about it first had merit, but Buck just didn’t know if would be possible for Buck to do it during a party that meant that Andrew would likely be surrounded by people all the time. 

“Maybe,” Buck said. 

Hen was the one to get the text that Eddie and Andrew were on their way from the hospital which meant that the last minute details had to be worked out. 

“Is she like this at every party?” Buck asked. 

Athena chuckled. “Surprise parties, yes. Easier to go along with whatever she wants though.” 

Karen nodded in agreement. Buck took it in, the way that Athena smiled and the way that Karen nodded even while he eyes shone with pride and love for her wife. He was going to miss them. He was going to miss all of them. 

Legolas started barking when they heard Eddie and Andrew outside and Buck had to wonder if that was because the dog knew that his owner was home. When Eddie opened the door, everyone shouted “surprise!” and Andrew looked taken aback. 

“Seriously?” Andrew asked through a laugh. 

“We had to,” Hen said and she was the first one to rush over and hug him. 

Buck’s attention was on Legolas who did rush over but only sniffed at Andrew before jumping at Eddie who pet his head lightly before Legolas turned back to Andrew. It was curious. Legolas had been more excited to see Christopher when he first got to the house and if Buck was allowed to think it, the dog had been more excited to see him. But Andrew was his owner...his person and the dog was treating him just like anyone else. 

Eddie had said it a lot though, Andrew didn’t like dogs. Maybe Legolas could sense that. The whole it was getting more and more confusing. If Buck didn’t know any better that dog had insinuated himself into Andrew’s life just like Buck had. 

Andrew hugged Pepa and walked over to the couch to hug Isabel and then his eyes found Buck. Buck didn’t know what to do. Did he rush over and hug him or did he wait to see what Andrew would do. He decided to leave it up to Andrew. 

“Hey,” Andrew said. 

Buck felt like everyone was watching them. Tentatively, Buck moved towards Andrew. He smiled and went in for a quick hug, the kind that was awkward and unsure because Buck had no idea how familiar he was allowed to be. Andrew leaned into the hug, but he didn’t linger, pulling back and ending the hug quick as it had begun. 

“Really?” Hen asked. 

“What?” Buck said. 

“That hug was pathetic,” Hen said with a roll of her eyes. “It’s no wonder he doesn’t remember you if you can’t even hug him properly. Your boyfriend is home, Buck, you should be kissing him...I bet you haven’t even done that and he’s been awake for a while now.” There was judgement in her eyes at least instead of suspicion. 

Buck felt his cheeks go warm. He didn’t know what to say and over Andrew’s shoulder he met Chim’s eyes who looked like he found the whole thing hilarious and couldn’t wait to poke fun at the situation. No one else stepped forward to welcome Andrew home. 

“Uh, not doing that in front of all his family,” Buck said in a low tone. 

His eyes met Andrew’s and because they were still standing close enough, it didn’t take Andrew any effort at all to take Buck’s hand and pull him even closer. 

“What—”

Andrew made a show of rolling his eyes, he was smirking too in a strangely knowing way, the twists of his lips making it seem like he was accepting a challenge and then he drew Buck even closer and he kissed him. 

It was chaste, more of a peck than anything else and it lasted seconds and afterwards Andrew laughed and he threw an arm around Buck’s shoulders. Buck felt lost, like he had no idea what had just happened or why. The next few moments were a blur of standing close to Andrew who’s lips had felt fluffy and soft even while chapped, and who was still undeniably hot even after just getting out of the hospital. Kissing him was no hardship and a part of Buck — the part that still had a bit of a crush — wanted the kiss to last longer than it did. The trance was broken only once Andrew let him go and stepped back and then he was gone. 

–

Next Chapter

Notes: Sooo, did any of you expect things to go there? I just love Andrew sooo much and he was particularly fun to write in this chapter. Let me know what you all thought and thanks for reading. 

If anyone wants to be tagged in future chapters, let me know. :)

Tagging: @tranquility-or-chaos @diazbuckleysworld @stilesgivesmefeels

[thafost]

The Overboard AU I’ve been struggling to write!

I’m putting out the first bit for now. Unfinished as of now.

I’m a terrible writer so... but this is mostly based on the classic episode “Strictly Business” but instead of all that silly, Oh I’m Macgyver~ business... why not just say hey, that dude’s my boyfriend? Let me take him home? But also, Modern Macgyver means Murdoc has a child. So... Overboard it is.

Macgyver’s disappearance has been weighing heavily on his friends. It had been a long week of investigating what happened after his car crashed, but the leads have dried up. While Matty checks in with the overnight agents in charge, a phone call comes in on the line normally reserved for Macgyver or other field agents. Matty connects, hoping to see Macgyver’s face, but feels disappointment at the actual respondent. “You.”

“Me.” Murdoc says. “Before you go any further, I am sending you my location. Please, please come get Macgyver. He’s completely fine... just amnesiac.”

“What’s the catch, Murdoc?”

“I’d like to not be arrested? Cassian and I will be relocating while you come pick up the boy scout.”

“So why give him back now?” As Matty asks this, Murdoc looks flustered, and he turns away from the camera for a moment.

“This might come as a bit of a shock, but Cassian might have told Macgyver that he’s my special friend.”

 “Alright Kiddo, we need to get out of here.” He tells Cassian in the back seat. Accelerating he heads towards his intended destination wondering about how long it will take to get there when he hears his son pipe up.

“What about your friend?” Murdoc’s clench up on the steering wheel, and the gloves slide a little as his fingers dig in. Of course his son would remember Macgyver from saving him from their little trip to South America.

“There’ll be an ambulance soon, Cassian. He should be fine.” Murdoc knows that’s not going to stop his son’s line of questioning.

“Dad, he could be hurt.” Murdoc groans at how his son’s words play at his heart strings. This was after all, someone who considers Murdoc a nuisance, or maybe even a nemesis. “We should go back and check on him dad.” Murdoc knew this would not be the end of it, and he should at least make sure the accident hadn’t started a fire. Slowing his car down, Murdoc pulls a u-turn to position himself closer to the accident. As they approach the accident, Macgyver has already freed himself and is standing at the side of the road.

“See, he’s fine.” Murdoc says before feeling unsettled as Macgyver begins to wave his arms at them. He rolls down his window, and he gets the surprise of a lifetime as Macgyver starts talking.

“Hey, you’ve got to help me. My car is wrecked and I think I hit my head.”

“Oh Angus, have you forgotten me? I’m hurt.” Angus gives Murdoc a long and thorough look through the open window. After looking for oncoming traffic, he crosses to Murdoc’s window, and Murdoc spots a bright cut over his eyebrow and cheekbone. “You have, haven’t you?”

“Who are you?” asks Macgyver. As Murdoc considers his options, Cassian pipes up.

“This is my dad, Murdoc, and I think he’s your boyfriend.” Murdoc chokes on his saliva for a moment, as Murdoc tries to figure out how his son drew this conclusion. It’s not accurate to his relationship, but he lets his son continue. “He says you’re his special friend, and that you go on adventures together.” Well, that is accurate, Murdoc thinks.

“Special friend?” Matty asks.

“Boyfrienddddd....” Murdoc whispers while turning flush. Matty laughs.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am. I thought he’d remember sooner, or want to talk to you lot, much earlier. But here we are, and he’s...” Murdoc trails off in the video call, and Matty sees him gaze off camera. “Anyway, he decided he wanted to come with us.”

“Were we going somewhere together?” Angus asks.

“You were following us.” Murdoc states. Technically true. “I’m headed to a new job out of state. I think you were upset that I was leaving.” Escaping a prison.

“Why don’t you come with us?” Cassian asks. “At least into the next city. I’ll let you ride up front with my dad.”

Angus joins them in the car. “You call me Murdoc, but my first name is Dennis. Your name is Angus Macgyver.” Murdoc sees some recognition in Macgyver’s eyes. “Let's get you to a doctor, boy scout.” Angus looks disapproving of this nickname. “Oh good, you seem to have some sense of yourself.” Murdoc once again pulls a u-turn to head in their intended route.

“Hey dad?”

“Yeah kiddo?”

“I’d be really happy if Macgyver came to live with us. He was so nice in Columbia. You know, with Mommy.” Murdoc feels his hands clench the steering wheel tightly as he navigates the mountainous hills.

“Well, that’s up to Mr. Macgyver.” Murdoc clenches his teeth, just knowing what’s coming next.

“I mean, as long as the doctors say I can, sure.”

“I was hoping the doctors would want to run a CT scan or I could leave him for observation, but no luck. We were on our way. Then I stopped for the night, but... you didn’t come for us.” Murdoc explains over the video call. 

The next city’s doctors rubber stamp Macgyver as good to go. They note that spending time with close friends and loved ones can help jar memories loose, but warned not to overdo memory lane.

With nothing but open road ahead of them, Murdoc rents a hotel room for the three of them. “Let’s get you to bed before our long drive.”

“Sounds good Dennis.” The hotel room is very dated, thanks to the small town nature. Murdoc sets up his side of the room, realizing shortly that Macgyver needs toiletries as well as additional clothes.

“Alright, you two put on a movie or something. I’m going to get some supplies and dinner.” Murdoc noted concern in Cassian’s eyes. “Don’t worry, Macgyver will keep you safe. But he needs pajamas.” Cassian smiles, turns on the television and thinks nothing of it. “Call me if you need anything.”

Murdoc returns with clothing relatively close to Macgyver’s size. He also brings burgers and milkshakes. It’s an easy way to make his son happy, and Murdoc’s glad that it works. Macgyver seems happy with his new assortment of flannel shirts, nerd shirts, pajamas, and toothbrush. As they eat, Murdoc tries to piece together the movie on the small television set. It’s utterly terrible but Cassian and Macgyver seem to be enjoying it. Murdoc pulls the chair in the room over between the two beds to watch the television. The music swells as the heroes triumph, and the lead characters turn to each other and kiss. Unexpectedly, Cassian does not seem to mind. “Hey bud, when did you move past the girls and kissing are icky phase?”

“After I got to see you, Mommy, and Macgyver on that trip. Macgyver worked so hard to get me. Mom just left.” Cassian said. 

“Mommy had to go on a business trip kiddo.”

“Dad, I’m not a little kid. I know what you and mom do. I know what Macgyver does. I know Mom’s going to be gone forever.” Cassian didn’t seem to be as sad as Murdoc thinks he should be.

“Cassian, I’d still keep an eye out for Mom. She’s always a surprise if nothing else.” Murdoc spared a slight glance to see Macgyver’s expression, but he was not looking towards Murdoc and his son, but towards the window. Outside appears to have police lights. “Shi---, Macgyver you’re fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. The cops probably aren’t here for us.”

“Why would they be here for us?” Macgyver asks.

“We forgot to tell his friends he’s okay!” Cassian says with sudden clarity.

“Oh. Right. We’ll call in the morning. Time for bed sport.” Cassian frowns, but heads off to get ready for bed. Macgyver is at the window peeking through the curtains. “What are they up to out there?”

“Busting some dude and a pretty lady.” The wheels turn in Murdoc’s head a little faster than Macgyver’s bruised one. He’s clicked on the sketchy hotel and pretty lady as Macgyver closes the blinds and says “Oh.” Murdoc stands up and puts the chair back in the corner of the room. Macgyver moves away from the window and towards the things Murdoc bought for him. He pulls out the pajamas and turns to Murdoc. “Am I a night showerer, or a morning showerer?” Murdoc’s at a bit of a loss.

“Nighttime I think. We’re not cohabitating so your guess is as good as mine.” Macgyver frowns, and gets his things ready for a shower. Cassian returns, ready for bed, and Macgyver goes to use the bathroom. “Do you need a bedtime story?” Cassian laughs.

“Not really dad.” Cassian climbs into one of the beds. “What are you going to do when we get there?”

“That will depend on Macgyver and if he starts to remember. I don’t think we can keep him forever.” The water for the shower comes on, so Murdoc flips to the news stations for a quick check to see if he’s been blown. Luckily, there didn’t seem to be a manhunt in progress for any of the three of them, likely because Phoenix didn’t want anyone trying to stop Murdoc thmself. As Macgyver returns, Murdoc turns off the tv and presses a quick kiss to Cassian’s forehead as he sits on the edge of the bed. “Night Cassian.”

“Hey dad, instead of a bedtime story, can I have a you and Macgyver story?”

“Cassian’s going to be pissed when he figures out what I’ve done.”

“Why?” Matty asks.

“He really does think Macgyver’s my boyfriend, and I’m not entirely sure why. Also he likes this school. And my non murder job.”

“Your what?”

“My job that’s completely murder free. It’d be legal, except I’m using a false identity. While I’m really good at the murder, I wanted something more stable for my son.” Murdoc shugs, and Matty’s mildly impressed. “It just felt like a good move for now, after removing myself from that prison.”

“Sure, we’ll fight over that later. Why do you think Macgyver stayed?”

“Anything specific?” Murdoc asks.

“How did you first meet?” Cassian asks.

“Well, I was working at a museum. Angus was also at the museum working, and sparks flew.” He looks to see Macgyver blush slightly.

“Sparks flew? For real?” Cassian asks.

“Oh, he definitely made sure of that. Then he couldn’t stop following me.” Cassian frowns. “He made me rockets from wine bottles later. He’s quite fun at parties. But as things go, Macgyver definitely came out ahead that time. Only one of us got his job done, but I definitely found something I hadn’t before.”

“What?” Asks Macgyver this time.

“Love. Just kidding,” Murdoc sees Macgyver roll his eyes. “ I found someone interesting, and new. People tend to bore me. Not you kiddo, and definitely not Handsome.”

“We had some early roadbumps. Things that had you known we were together, probably would have signalled our location.”

“Like what, what’d we miss?” asks Matty.

“Did the gas station attendant not report the attempted robbery?”

At the first sign of needing gas, Murdoc feels a little worry in the back of his mind that this will be when Phoenix storms in and takes him back. He puts the thought away, and gives Macgyver and Cassian a twenty to spend on snacks. Murdoc stands pumping gas by himself, looking for operatives, and wary of everything going on. After his tank is full, he moves his car to the station parking and heads in to see what’s taking them so long.

As he opens the front door, Murdoc sees the issue. As the cashier moves at a leisurely pace, a man in front of the cashier holds a firearm in such a way that implies a robbery, but also that he’s not skilled at using firearms. Macgyver and Cassian appear aware of the situation but standing far enough away that Murdoc feels comfortable stepping into the store. “Greetings, it seems like this is your first rodeo.” The gunman immediately swings his gaze and weapon towards Murdoc. “Well that’s just unkind, I was going to give you some professional tips, man to man.” Murdoc gestures, and lets his weight rest from foot to foot. “But you’re holding up my roadtrip, and I’ve got places to be, people to see.” Murdoc winks at Macgyver in the back of the store. The gunman starts to swivel, and Murdoc quickly disarms him. “So, if you could call the authorities and turn in this weapon for me, that’d be great.” He tells the clerk placing the gun on the counter. “Safety’s on, so you should be okay placing that somewhere out of reach. And you mister, shame on you for being so bad at this.” Murdoc still has one hand on the man, who tries to swing a punch. Blocking the punch, Murdoc returns the favor and lands a good one against his head. He settles down and Murdoc releases him. “Boy scout, come pay for your snacks, and lets get going.”

There’s a look of disbelief on Macgyver’s face, and then he and Cassian come forward with their snacks. Cassian even grabbed Murdoc’s favorite roadtrip beverage. “Do you call me boy scout a lot?” Macgyver asks, placing everything on the counter. Murdoc thinks for a moment.

“Somewhat I’d say. Did that kick something loose?” Murdoc asks as the cashier rings in everything. Macgyver shakes his head.

“Not really a memory, but a feeling.” Murdoc feels something warm bloom low in his gut. “I’m not sure what kind of a feeling, but it felt familiar.” Macgyver pays for everything, and they’re on their way again. 

“I’m glad your body remembers me at least, if not your brain.” Murdoc says as they’re on the highway. “Your guts didn’t forget what we have.”

“I guess not, Dennis.” Macgyver says, and he leans a bit and pats Murdoc’s knee warmly. Murdoc tries not to focus on the hand on his leg, but it feels so right, but also so impossibly warm. After a moment Macgyver returns his hand back to resting on his own leg, and Murdoc definitely feels a loss that he will ignore for the rest of his life.

“The one foiled by some creepy dude in leather gloves was you?” Murdoc notes a hint of incredulity in her voice.

“Yes. He was holding the line up, and I sent the boys in to get snacks. Very rude.”

[keepcalm-and-beyou]

Machine Gun Kelly(Colson Baker)

Telling Rook The News (PART2 being rooks ex & Pregnant with Kells baby):

Part 1 here

It sucks. All I could manage to think first thing this morning. Sitting on my bed feeling anxious repeating words in my head it sucks. It sucks I had to wake up, it sucks I am in this situation, it sucks I have to leave my house, it sucks I have to tell Rook. What doesn’t suck is Colson will be there with me to tell him. I honestly doubt I’d be able to do it my self but like Colson said he’d help with this former issue we called it but now simply it is our Baby, So he will be there for this dreadful conversation to come. I don’t want to hurt Rook but it’s not like we can hide it. Pretty classy I feel best friend of the boyfriend we’ll EX boyfriend. I’m hoping Colson takes charge on the topic while I try not to die of embarrassment and stress.

I definitely gotta try not to stress so much Colson is right it’s not good for the baby and first three months are most critical for miscarrying. I don’t want that to happen I may be freaked about the Rook part of the situation but other than that I’m happy I’ll be a mother with the most beautiful baby sense Colson is the father and how excited Casie will be just melts my heart. Casie will be the best big sister anyone could ask for, she’s so kind, helpful, independent and crazy smart for her age. Mine and Colson baby boy or girl can learn a lot from her as they grow.

Colson is such a great Dad no matter what the public sees of him in his party pictures and smoking dope. He truly is a great dad to his daughter and no doubt with our baby. I feel a little better now thinking of Casie and Colson it turns plenty stress into positivity.

It’s decently early doubt the boys have had breakfast or even coffee heck doubt any are awake right now knowing those crazy boys. But Colson better be up I don’t wanna show up having to wake Colson and Rook up. To be nice and ease the blow I shall pick up breakfast for everyone. So that’s what I’m doing as of now driving to Denny’s grabbing food and coffee. I decide to play the radio game while driving to the guys house. I ask the radio a question “how will today go?” I speak out loud. And turn the station to whatever hearing the song Everything Sucks playing. Oh how ironic. My nerves slightly climb back up as I near the guys house, I sigh as I stop my car in front of the house.

(Kells P.O.V)

I sat hands together alsmot like I was praying for this shit to go smooth. How the actual fuck will this go smooth though! If it was me dining this shit out what Rook is about to today I’d be flipping shit. I haven’t even slept much yo this all been keeping me up worrying about losing my bro and band mate, not like I can replace him so easily fuck.

I need to get high like right now I can’t deal with everything sober. Few puffs of my joint and I’m feeling better for now. I put out the roach of my joint in time to see Y/N outside looking like she grabbing some shit out her car. I hurried to the door basically running to her to help grab what apparently is take out food and oh fuck yes coffee. “Hey” she spoke slightly dragging it out. I broke a small smile at her “Hey yo thanks for bringing coffee girl” she shut her car door and said “of course how can I not die the coffee lover” she smiles.

Ah that smile is helping for sure with my nerves. We walked quietly into my house and straight for the kitchen where I sat down the food and drinks. “Is he up?” Y/N asked me speaking in a whispering tone clear as day nervous and looked around. “I don’t think so” i shrug. She let out a big fucking sigh and part of me hurt formher having to do this to deal with this but fuck what else we gonna do right. “Hey girl it’s going to be okay I gotchu” I told her and wrapped my arms around her shirt figure. It almost felt hella awkward until she put her arms around me to. I rested my chin on to her head for a moment then pulled away. “Let’s eat just us we’ll wake Rook after if we have to” i Nodded to the food starting to pull items out of the bags. “I don’t know if I can eat right now Kells” Y/N admitted. But I wasn’t gonna listen to that “yo you need to eat ain’t starving my kid” i whisper to her. “Your right I’m sorry I gotta focus on the whole me and baby’s health” she nodded at her own words. “And you unfortunately shouldn’t drink coffee” I spoke up in facts which I learnt many when Casie wasn’t born yet. Her eyes went wide it was adorable “aw just this last cup and I’ll switch to herbal teas” she chuckled. “Ight deal” I handed her a coffee.

“So as his best friend and band mate you should take the lead on telling him” she smiles widely to me. That girls smile gonna be the death of me. “Oh I see just throw me under the bus first” I laugh. And then take a bite of my food watching her do the same. “you said don’t stress and talking lots might meake me stressed” again she smiles at me. Fucking chick. “Yaya I gotcha girl, always will” I assured her taking her much smaller hand in mine.

We cleaned up our little mess and sat on one of the couches in the living room. “I guess we should wake him up” Y/N tells me. I turn my head to her “Wake who up me?” Rooks voice comes from behind us both our heads snap to him. “Hey dude morning” I greet him. “Morning. Hey Y/N what you doing here?” Rook asks her. “Just visiting I brought breakfast and coffee, go eat we’ll catch up when your done” Y/N tried her best to be cool I can see it in her eyes being this close to her on the couch she’s feeling freaked.

We all sat at the kitchen table Rook just finishing his food and sipping on his coffee. “Thanks for the food Y/N” Rook smiles to her. “It’s the least I could do” Y/N spoke softly to him. Then gave me a sad look. “So your here to visit me?” Rook asks her “and to talk” she adds quickly. “About what?” “Oh okay right um well I love you and care about you” Y/N starts off “why does it sound like your dumping me in front of Colson?” Rook looked worried and Y/N looked panicked. “Dude it’s kinda important I’m here for this convo” I told him. “Why bro what’s going on?”. “Please listen best as you can and calmly as you can to us” Y/N spoke up. “Okay what the fuck” he responds. “When we broke up” Y/N began but Rook cut her off “when we broke up what?!” He angrily asked looking between her and I. Y/N looked defeated and like she was going to cry. “Look dude I’m fucking sorry for this you know I care about her and you man, we got shitfaced like the whole fucking weekend and ya know shit happens” I told him. “What what shit happened?!” He demands and bits his bottom lip.

“Please clam down” Y/N says calmly and out her hand on his clenched fist. But he abruptly moves pushing her hand away aggressively. “Hey man clam down!” I told him strongly. “Just tell me what happened” Rook demands again. “I was upset and Kells was there for me like always he’s a good friend. Don’t forget that don’t forget his love for you no matter” Y/N tried to speak as calmly as she can like rooks a bomb gonna go off which I can see that happening. “No matter what?” He yells causing Y/N to jump frightened. “We hooked up when you broke up” I finally admitted to him.

Rook stands up enraged which makes Y/N stand fast moving to my side as rook now is coming closer to me. “Yo dude chill just hold up” I spoke hands up not wanting to fight my bro. But he swung and doing so I moved Y/N out of the way best I could. Lucky he missed but grabbed my shirt and swung again hitting me near my right eye. We bumped into Y/N knocking her over on to the floor. “Dude wait stop!” I shrieked. And helped y/n off the floor isntslty my hand hands on her face holding her head looking at her as if she was injured “you okay” i ask her worriedly. “Yes I’m fine” she assures me. “Awe look at the love birds” Rook snarks To us. “Dude I love you bro I’m sorry Kay like fuck y’all were broken up I’d never go there if that was the case” “that doesn’t make it much better” Rook says now less mad and sounding hurt. “Rook I’m sorry nothing was intended I know we were trying to work on us but that’s over and wasn’t going anywhere it seeemd and also the fact is to that I’m Pregnant” Y/n spoke moving closer to him.

Rook looked almost confused. “It’s mine if it wasn’t obvious man we having a baby, we are not a couple, we are focusing on Y/N and the babies health and needs” rook stood silent maybe in ducking shock. “And I’m not gonna lie I do have feelings for her dude always felt something so if by chance we also become in a relationship other than parents to our child, I hope you don’t hate me for it if it happens and hate me now for what is going on but I wish you wouldn’t bro fuck I need you man not only as a fucking awesome band mate but as my brother and future uncle to my kid yo ya know if you wanted to be” I rant out to my best friend.

“You guys should talk this through I’ll go I’m so sorry Rook, I wish you this best in love and life” Y/N said to rook with a weak smile. “No no stay I don’t care, I need time to like think about shit, like a part of me wanna say congrats on the baby yet that seems fucked yo cuz I’m hurt, I lose my girl or ex whatever fuck, I can see it now to though y/n was right us working through shit wasn’t going as it was suppose to. I just gotta get out this house” Rook shares with us and walks towards the stairs. “but bro you coming back right?” I ask in high hopes as he takes a step up the stairs Y/N standing beside me. “Yeah man I’ll be back later” and with that he was upstairs.

“That didn’t go to terrible” Y/N tires to sound positive and puts her hand on my shoulder. “Yeah I guess he could of really beat the fuck outta me if I let him and not stop” we both smile lightly to each other. “I think I should go to, let us all have alone time we need” she says to me. I grab her hand “What if I don’t want you to go?” I ask her more of a statement though. She shakes her head “no it’s what’s best trust me and I need a nap” she chuckles. “Okay only cuz a nap would do you both good” i smile at her not showing stomach. “You really are gonna be an amazing dad to our baby, heck Kells you already are” Y/N smiles big. That big beautiful smile. That smile that makes me wanna smile, the smile that will make me fucking do anything for her, and now I’ll do anything for our baby, our future family.

[doof-doofblog]

"Jean! Soup's Ready!"

Tuesday 5th May 2020

Good evening folks! Hope you've all had a good day! Before we start talking about tonight's episode, I'm sure you've all seen them but there have new spoilers released this morning! Some of them taking place within the next few weeks of the soap! It's pretty exciting to have new pictures to share with you all!

Firstly, it looks as if the slip of the tongue by Jean last night, calling Whitney "Stacey" ... seems to be the start of a new story-line for her, am I right in thinking that she binned her meds a few episodes  back? Which would explain why she starts acting differently in up-coming episodes, both Mo and Kush seem to notice her erratic change of behaviour, but will they find out as to why?! New pictures show Jean confronting Whitney, while she has a meeting with Gray, accusing her of making her look stupid in front of the police. Shirley also seems to realise that Jean is acting out of sorts and both she and Kush turn to each other for answers. Later, Jean is feeling unwell and nobody seems to realise until she unfortunately has a seizure! Will Jean be okay, and could it be the lack of medication causing her seizures?!

Also, new pictures released reveal, the day of Ben's operation, both he and Callum are sat in a hospital room. With Callum having passed his assessment and now joining the police force, Ben can't help but question Callum about what the police might know about his new job with Phil. The more he digs to Callum about it and instead of showing an interest in his partner's new job, Callum comes to realise he wants information from him.  This upsets Callum and the couple argue and Callum ends up walking out before Ben has his operation to (hopefully) improve his hearing. Will Ben's operation go smoothly? Or could it go horribly wrong, making Callum feel completely guilty that he left his boyfriend during his time of need?!

Definitely a lot to look forward to in upcoming episodes, but let's now focus on tonight's episode! Again, I feel there's a lot to talk about, a lot of different story-lines happening all at once right now! I think I'll start with the whole, Bobby, Peter and Dotty situation. So Ian found out what happened to Bobby during the night out. He also found out that it was Dotty that was handing out the gas, which led to Bobby collapsing. I do feel sorry for Bobby, he's trying so hard to impress the girl he fancies and yet she just likes him as a mate, and also kinda stringing him along while also flirting with his brother. Did Peter feel guilty do you think? Even he had a go at Dotty saying the same thing. It's interesting now that Peter has told her to stay away for his family, but I don't think it's going to be as simple as that. Dotty is still hiding the secret that she knows about Ian locking Dennis in a room during the boat crash ... I'm sure there's going to become a point when she breaks and eventually tells Sharon. She's told Vinny for now, but will the secret get out? I'm sure it's making her blood boil watching Ian getting all the praise from the community, showing off that he's bought a bench for Dennis out of his own money, there's only so much she'll take until she cracks! How are Bobby and Peter going to feel once they know the truth, then again, will both of them feel used by Dotty? I think it's a really interesting situation and I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.

While we're on subject of the Beales, focusing on Peter ... uh-oh, he's going to be working with Jay at the funeral parlour?! That's definitely not good news for Lola! She keeps warning Peter to stay away from herself and Jay, after what happened between her and Peter, she's desperate for Jay not to find out. It's going to be hard for her to keep them apart while they're working together. Is she going to confront Peter and tell him not to take the job?! Peter even said to her that they're mates and she basically has to accept that, but it's going to be hard for her, she's going to be completely on edge every time she sees them together! Will it come to the point where she decides to tell Jay herself? I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hope that once Jay does find out, somehow he and Lola will find a way through it and they'll be able to sort things out. They're one of my favourite EastEnders couples, I feel that they belong together, would be a shame to split them up!

Right, so Isaac is still reeling from his recent news, even cancelling on his work session with Tommy! Can I just say, I am so glad that Denise talked some sense into him! He may have had a bit of a shock, but there's no need to take it out on the children, who, as Denise explained, really looked up to him! He may not have someone to look up to, but he can be someone the kids can look up to! When he went back to apologise to Kush, it made me laugh when he offered to do the first few sessions for free and Kush shouted Tommy straight away ... like, yes, of course, that'll work! Thank you! Let's hope that Isaac will do his best to help Tommy with his dyslexia, plus come to terms that Patrick is his father. We shall see once Patrick and Sheree return!

I'm still loving these scenes between Phil and Linda! I'm hoping we'll get to see more of these two coming together to try and help support one another. When Linda was at her meeting and she completely opened up, it looked as if Phil was taking in every single word what she was saying, like he understood! He's agreed to be her sponsor, whatever that may mean, can someone enlighten me? I'm assuming support her during her meetings or something? But they've come to an agreement and I hope it'll work out for them both. Will Sharon agree to taking up living in the Vic, or will it take even Linda to convince her? I hope their plan will come together and it can be a fresh start of Sharon! Also, I've been thinking, Phil has been feeling grief and guilt about Dennis for weeks now and he still blames himself for the child's death! How the hell is going to react once he learns about Ian's part in Dennis's death! He is going to hit the roof, I can see it coming! He'll be out for revenge, don't you think? Perhaps both he and Sharon will?! Oooo I can't wait for this big secret to unravel!

Okay, so the main focus of tonight's episode was Jean! I need to applaud Gillian Wright, she plays the role of Jean so amazingly! In recent weeks, Jean hasn't been taking her medication and last night it came full circle when she called Whitney by the wrong name. Her family are noticing she's not acting herself ... well, Kush and Mo to begin with. She's acting very eccentric, trying to get all the young ones ready for Easter. (I don't know about you guys but it felt very weird seeing them mentioning Easter, considering it was a few weeks ago now, but of course it's due to the decrease in episodes that we're only seeing the episodes leading up to Easter now!) ... Jean has had a lot to deal with in recent months, Kat has left without a word, Stacey has done a runner, and she no longer has contact with Sean, plus she lost Daniel to his illness, so you can understand why she's trying to focus on something. However, it's still not good that she's not taking her medication. Kush is trying to keep everything in order while Kat and Stacey are away, he's having to cope with dealing with Tommy's dyslexia, and now Jean's mental health. Kush found her prescriptions and realised she's not been taking her medication for perhaps weeks/months! It's only right he's beginning to worry. I think going to Shirley was a good idea, if he tells her what's going on, she may be able to help. She could convince Jean to take her meds again, but Kush really needs to tell her before things get any worse! Also, Phil still has no idea it was Stacey who bashed him over the head?! That was months ago!! Does he still believe it was Kat?! No wonder he didn't have a clue what Jean was going on at him about! I do feel sorry for Jean though, when she started throwing the rubbish, it's obvious that she feels he is to blame for Stacey not being around. That's another thing that Phil needs to learn, what's going to happen when he finds out? Will he confront Jean or maybe Kush?! Or has the whole situation been forgotten? I feel that attack happen so long ago, tonight's episode just made me remember about it all. What do you guys think? Is it going to be resurfaced and will Phil find out who was behind the attack?

I feel for Kush aswell at the moment, he's doing all he can to keep the Slater family going! Mo isn't much help, he's having to look after the kids as well as dealing with Tommy's problems and now Jean is another thing that he's having to cope with. I noticed at the end there he crushed some of Jean's meds into her soup. He's only trying to do the right thing isn't he?! The poor man had tears in his eyes, but he knows he was doing it for the best! But is that what it's going to come down to? Him having to hide the fact he's giving her her meds? Slipping some into her food and drink? What's going to happen when she realises, could things go completely the wrong way round and she could accuse him of trying to drug her! You never know, it could all go smoothly or it go completely the other way, this is EastEnders we're talking about! When does anything go smoothly?! I hope Stacey and Kat will be back soon, I don't know how long Kush is going to be able to cope, dealing with all this and trying to keep the family together! I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!

Unfortunately, we have to wait another week now until we get to see what happens! I hope you are all keeping well. We're all in this together and all of this well be over soon if we just keep doing what we're doing! Stay at home, keep washing your hands and stay safe! Thank you guys for reading, if you have any questions you'd like to ask then feel free to message me! I'll always find the time to respond! Enjoy the rest of your week and I'll be back on Monday! Good evening everyone! xXx  

[randomlifeunit]

"Paralyzed"

Rated: Teen and up

Warnings: PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder)

Part: 9/?

Read on Ao3

Sean held his phone in one hand, trying to quell the fears attempting to rush him. When did simply talking on the phone become this much of a challenge? He used to have to limit himself so he wouldn't go over his minutes. Now...his hand shook slightly and he set the phone down again.

 His therapist had encouraged him to reach out to his friends, seeing as how he'd effectively cut himself off from them for almost three months. But every time he picked up that phone, he was overcome with fear. Fears about what they might say, and what they might NOT say. He wanted so badly to reconnect with them, but his old life almost felt like a foreign object to him now. So much had changed--he wasn't the same person anymore. He hoped his friends could still accept him.

He worried they might not. 

Scrolling through his contacts, he tried to pick a name. What about Jonathan? No. He's always so cheerful, he probably wouldn't get it. Sam? Ryan? Angela? None of the names felt right.

He sighed and sat on the bed, breathing deeply and trying to talk himself into dialing someone, feeling foolish. As his finger hovered over that glowing green icon, his phone began to tremble in his hand. He threw it onto the bed, feeling suddenly angry. 

Why was this so hard? Why didn't anyone tell him it was going to be like this? Why couldn't he ever be his old self anymore? He hated himself for his weakness. Turning towards the wall, he caught his reflection in the mirror. Sudden rage filled him and he struck the glass, fists clenched and breath heaving. A bit of satisfaction washed over the anger as he stared at the splintered pieces. Then a thought struck him with such gravity that he stumbled backward slightly: he was the broken mirror. He was shattered, his old self lying in pieces. Covering his face, he sat down hard on the bed and wept, feeling as broken as the glass. As he did so, his therapist's words drifted into his consciousness...not your fault...didn't do anything wrong...this is normal.

Ugh, he thought. That can't be right.

He pulled his hands away from his face, noticing with a jolt that his right hand was bleeding. The sight of the blood made panic coil tightly in his gut, his heart beginning to pound in his chest. Grabbing his phone, he quickly dialed his dad's work number. C'mon, c'mon, please, he whispered anxiously as it rang, the heady sense of relief washing over him at the sound of Dennis's voice. "Dad," he started, hating how breathless he sounded. "I... I did something dumb, and... and... now my hand is bleeding." 

"Are you okay? How bad is it?" Dennis asked quickly, his voice rising in concern. 

"Uhh...I don't know...it's kind of... oozing... a little bit?" Sean answered, suddenly feeling like he was going to be sick. 

"I'll be there in ten minutes," Dennis responded quickly. "Grab a towel and wrap it up. Put pressure on it if you can. I'm going to hang up, but call me on my cell if you need me, okay? I'm on my way."

"Okay," he replied faintly, as he moved to comply. His legs trembled slightly, and he sank onto the floor in the bathroom, his hand swathed in a towel. 

His father's steps pounded up the stairs in record time. "Hey, Dad," Sean said, his voice shaking. 

"Let me take a look at you," Dennis said quicky, as he knelt down, unwrapping the towel. "Can we wash this off, Bud? It will help me get a better look here," he prompted. Sean stepped to the sink, feeling a little wobbly. Dennis put an arm around his son's waist and directed his hand under the cool water. Sean hissed as it came in contact with his knuckles. 

His father gently dried off his hand a bit, then looked closely at the cuts. "I think you're going to be okay," he reassured, turning the hand this way and that to get a good look. "It looks like the bleeding is easing off, and these cuts aren't too deep. Let's bandage it up, though, yeah?" 

"Really? I'm okay?" Sean answered, feeling a mixture of relief and regret. He sat back down on the floor, not sure his legs would support him. 

Dennis grabbed the first aid kit and dabbed some antiseptic on Sean's knuckles. He winced at first, but it only stung for a few moments. His father's eyes held his for a long moment before he began bandaging up his knuckles. Once he finished, he sat down next to Sean, laying an arm over his shoulders. 

"There you go. All fixed up. Now, why don't you tell me what happened?"

Sean didn't hear any reproach in his father's voice, but he still felt incredibly stupid for what he'd done. Even worse, tears pricked at the back of his eyelids. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth. Might as well get it over with. "I... I broke my mirror." He chanced a quick look at his father before staring back at his hands in his lap.

Dennis's eyes widened, but he purposely kept his voice quiet and calm, remembering that Sean's therapist had warned him about potential erratic behavior. "Hey, I'm not upset with you, okay? I'm just glad you're all right." He gave his shoulder a squeeze.

Sean covered his face with his hands, feeling the bandage against his cheek. He wished he could explain his feelings. "I tried to call one of my friends today," he began. His father silently entreated him to continue. 

"I just sat there holding the phone," Sean continued. "Like an idiot. I mean, who gets scared of a phone? It's so dumb. I... I threw the phone down, and then when I saw myself in the mirror, I..." his voice cracked embarrassingly. 

"What did you see?" Dennis prodded gently, when Sean remained silent. 

"I just... all I saw was that... I'm broken." Sean whispered, covering his face again, tears seeping out of his eyelids. 

Dennis wrapped his arms around his son, sighing deeply. He wished Sean wasn't so hard on himself. But how to make him see that?

"Hey," he said quietly, his head near Sean's. "It's okay. It really is. We can buy a new mirror, so don't worry about that. But you matter much more than any old mirror. You matter, whether you feel broken or not. You're still my son, and I still love you just the same. And I always will." 

Sean curled closer to his dad, crying a little more. 

Dennis just held his son tightly until he quieted some. Thinking over what Sean had said, it dawned on him what the problem might be.

"Sean, are you having a hard time talking to your friends?" 

Sean nodded mutely, head on his knees.

Dennis thought a minute.

"Would it help if we had a few of your friends over here for dinner some night? I could run interference for you, if anything awkward comes up. And you could just give me a signal if you needed them to leave."

Sean thought about it a moment. His heart was still pounding. But he thought it might work. He told his father so.

"Why don't you just let me know who to invite, and I'll take care of the rest?" Dennis encouraged. 

Feeling much relieved, Sean nodded with a small smile. "Thanks, Dad," he said gratefully.

Dennis smiled back. "Anything for you, Bud. Now, why don't you head downstairs and get a snack, and I'll get that mirror cleaned up? I need to head back to work soon, but I can stay a bit longer, okay?" 

Sean nodded, rising to his feet. Suddenly, things didn't seem so bleak anymore. 

[verus-veritas]

CYOC: “Best Friends” (2/3)

(Had to repost the second part of “Best Friends” since it got flagged. For what I have no idea...) /Verus

I loved burning rubber barreling down the road in my new car. I roared into the student parking area, fish-tailed the car and skidded into my (Tony’s) usual parking spot. I got out, peeled off my driving gloves, tossed them into the car, locked up and headed for my locker and first class. I was relieved to see that no one noticed anything different about me… why should they? I was now what I changed myself to be. As I got the requisite books from my locker, Ginny came up behind me and said “Hi” in her usual perky way. “Hey, there” I replied.

“How did the library go last night? Sorry you didn’t go the the movies with us.”

“Yeah, well that would have been nice, but I really needed to get my research done for Monday’s paper… otherwise a pretty dull night. Say, where’s Dennis?” It was so weird looking down at her rather than straight into her eyes.

“He’s over with the coach talking about the game Thursday night. You free for lunch again?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there like always. Hey, nice dress… new?”

“Nice, huh. Yeah, got it at the mall over the weekend. Thanks for noticing. Well, I’d better get to class; see you at noon.” With that she smiled, turned and sauntered down the hall toward her classroom.  

I needed to get to class too, but first I needed to take a leak. I popped into the restroom, stood at the urinal and fished out my cock and let go. I stared down at my new big dick and chuckled; I just loved handling it. Finished, I washed my hands at the sink all the while staring into the mirror at my Tony Paster face and my leather-jacketed torso. So far, so good. No one’s called me names or pushed, kicked, shoved, tripped or even touched me in an unfriendly way… definitely not my usual school day beginning. Well, I changed all that. Now, they know that “I” would beat the hell out of them, if they even considered it. That kinda crap would never happen to me again.

My 11:00 class finished 15 minutes early and as I was walking down the hallway toward the school restaurant, Tiger, one of Tony’s minions came up to me, pulled me over to the side and whispered “Now ??” I looked at my watch and said:

“Sure, I got a little time, why not.”  He cracked a big smile and we nonchalantly walked over to the far corner restroom that was almost always empty since it was more out-of-the-way than the others. We both entered into a stall and he immediately was on his knees nervously unbuttoning my Levis. When I changed everything I not only made Tony gay, but his two minions as well. They were still Tony’s friends, but secretly paid me to fuck them or let them give me blow jobs. I thought it was only fair after what they collectively put me through. Tiger did his job well and after getting a copious amount of my “Tony” cum he was sucking back to the cock head, not wanting to miss one single drop of my man juice.

Once I was buttoned up again, he handed me a $5 bill and panicked “Remember… nobody knows about this, right?” I pocketed the 5 and said:

“Just our little secret.”  Both Tiger and Bert instinctively knew that if they EVER let on this was happening, they could get hurt. ‘Course, in their own minds, it was their idea and fear of being discovered, not mine. They didn’t even know about each other.

As I was entering the restaurant, Tony Paster in my old body stopped me.

“Saturday still on?” I smiled and patted him on the shoulder and said “Sure, like usual.”  Tony nodded and replied as he walked off “and remember you still owe me for last time.” In this new reality, Tony was a friend, though not particularly close. He, too, was secretly gay and still a wizard mechanic with the cars and engines. He was my master mechanic and got to work on my car every other Saturday morning and for payment, all he asked for was that I let him suck my dick. Fair compensation I thought. The bully was gone. This new life was seeming pretty good for me. No one bullied me, I looked hot, I had great friends, the Jackson scholarship was all but mine. Yes, everything seemed to be so… “perfect.”

Lunch with Ginny was a pleasure as usual. Clara joined us and we talked and talked and talked. I liked them both. They seemed to genuinely like me as I was and now am. They weren’t judgemental about what I was or what I looked like.   I asked about Dennis again and Ginny said he was lunching with the coach. I was beginning to think he was avoiding me. The rest of the day went fine as did the next day, Wednesday. I was now totally into being the new me and I liked it. I was still the straight “A” student but everyone respected me… or maybe they just feared the new me… whatever. I was never a threat and I liked this leather look. I got a hard-on just knowing I now owned Tony’s body and were wearing his clothes. Wearing his boots particularly turned me on and I was constantly looking down at them and watching how the boot leather at the toes rippled when I wiggled my toes. I also loved the feel of wearing the black leather jacket and I never took if off, even in class.

I found out after Tuesday’s lunch that Travis still didn’t like me or want me around, but it wasn’t because I was a nerdy loser, but now I “looked like a thug.” He and his opinion didn’t bother me any more. Dennis and I had a few more short talks quietly between classes and I could tell that all this still bothered him greatly. He still couldn’t get used to “me” and he tended to stay at arm’s length, never buddy-buddy touching like we used to. That bothered me a little, but I realized that I had to give him time to get comfortable with “me.” Just as I had gotten comfortable with myself, every morning.

I roared into school on Thursday morning and just as I got to my locker Ginny came up to me with a worried look on her face and asked “Are you okay?”

I turned to face her and replied “Hi, sure, I’m fine.” I caught that look on her face. “Yeah, I’m fine, why shouldn’t I be? Ginny, why shouldn’t I be… what’s up… what’s wrong?”

“Well, I just thought you’d be upset, you know, real down.”

“Upset, why should I be upset… Ginny, what is wrong?  Why would I be upset?”  Now, I WAS getting upset.

“Didn’t Dennis tell you? Don’t you know? I thought you guys talked to each other about everything.”

Now I WAS upset. “Ginny, just tell me what’s up. What was Dennis going to tell me?”

“Gee, Steve… I’m really sorry, I really am. Yesterday afternoon the school notified Dennis that HE was going to be awarded the Jackson Scholarship on Friday at the assembly. Steve, I’m really sorry. I thought Dennis would have told you.”

What she just said hit me like a Mack truck. I was stunned, paralyzed. No emotion or reaction at all. I managed to keep my composure and feigned a small laboured smile.

“Don’t worry. Dennis knows how much that scholarship means to me. He’ll just refuse it, that’s all. He’s already going to be offered six athletic scholarships. That’s why he didn’t tell me. Don’t worry about it. He’s so busy with the State Championship game tonight, he just hasn’t caught up with me yet to tell me.” I just looked down at her with those soulful but pretty eyes. She looked back up at me and then just grabbed me and hugged me for all she could. I hugged back and then pulled away just enough to then kiss her on the cheek. I whispered “Thank you Ginny. I love you. You’re such a good friend…”

“GET YOUR GOD DAMN FILTHY HANDS OFF MY GIRL!!!” Ginny and I turned around to see Dennis standing there, beet-red face, ready to fight.

Ginny let me go and started toward Dennis. “Dennis, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?… What are you saying? Steve and I were just talking… he was just hugging me, we always do that.”

“I don’t care what you always do!” I don’t want HIM near you.“ Dennis was boiling mad and shoved me away from them.  

Ginny was dumbfounded. "Dennis, what’s gotten into you. Steve is your best friend.” I started to say something, but Ginny stopped me and told me to move on… 

“Go to class. I’ll take care of this… GO!”  I turned and went on my way trying to figure out what just happened.  I forgot myself just how upset I was about the scholarship news.  

Ginny was now getting mad. “Dennis Popejoy. Just what the hell was that all about? What’s gotten into you?”

Dennis was still mad and standing there flailing his arms until he just froze with his arms tightly crossed over his chest and biting his lips. ”Ginny, THAT’S NOT… you just don’t know. Things just aren’t what they look like. I can’t tell you… but I don’t want you near him any more!“

Ginny just froze there with an incredulous look on her face. ”What? YOU don’t want me to do WHAT?!“

"I can’t tell you. You just don’t know about all this. Please, just do as I ask…”

“Dennis Popejoy. Steve is my friend and I don’t know what you think things look like or don’t look like, BUT I will see and talk to him whenever I feel like it! Steve is also your best friend and I don’t know what this is all about. You’re mad at him for some reason or other, but I’ll tell you this. You find him and apologize. You talk all this out and make friends with him again… OR ELSE!”

"Or else??”  Dennis began to panic.

“Or else… We are through!!”

“Through? But…”

“No buts. You set things right or that’s it.” With that Ginny spun around and marched off leaving Dennis stunned, but angrier than before.

Just before sixth period Dennis found me. “Steve, sorry I pushed you… I shouldn’t have gotten so mad. We really gotta talk. How ‘bout we meet at the 'hole’ right after school. We gotta be quick 'cause I have to get to the field to suit up for tonight’s game, okay?”

I just shrugged and said “Okay, I’ll see you there.”

The 'hole’ was a secret meeting place Dennis and I had accidently discovered years ago off of Baker Road that we used when we just wanted to talk really privately. I don’t think anyone else ever went there anymore. It was an old vandalized brickhouse among the rocky hills with an entrance that was impossible to know unless you just knew of it. I knew that Dennis still was not at ease with my new reality, but I didn’t think he was THAT angry with me.

I had been waiting there for about ten minutes sitting atop my souped-up car with my booted foot propped up on the front bumper when Dennis drove up in his convertible sports car. Dennis jumped out of his car and sheepishly walked up to me always trying to avoid looking directly at me.

I waited a few minutes for him to say something, but when he didn’t, I just started in. “Okay, Dennis what’s with you today?… jumping on me that way?”

Dennis fumbled a bit with his cowboy boot kicking the ground and then just blurted out. “Steve, I’m sorry about today, okay? I just lost it when I saw you… "Tony”… hugging and kissing Ginny. I just went ballistic. Steve, I just can’t deal with all this… with you… with you being this way… with you looking like Tony. I JUST CAN’T!  I can’t handle all this anymore,  I just can’t…“

"Dennis, what’s wrong with all this. Everything is going great. No more Tony the bully. No more problems, no more enemy. I’m feeling just fantastic. I’m finally being on my own, I’m not afraid anymore. Everything is just fine. I’m still Steve, your best friend… nothing about that has changed.”

’FINE?! FINE??! Nooo… everything is NOT FINE.  And no, you’re not Steve, at least not the same Steve I knew. To me you’re Tony Paster. When you say something, I don’t hear Steve my friend… I HEAR TONY. When I see you,  I don’t see Steve… I SEE TONY. When you were hugging and kissing Ginny, all I saw was Tony hugging and kissing… That bastard, Tony. To me, you’re Tony… NOT Steve! Travis says you’re nothing but some white trash thug.…… Oh God, I just wish you would have zapped me too, so I wouldn’t know any differently. Steve, we’ve always been friends and I have to tell you that all this is wrong. You have to believe me. Have I ever lied to you, cheated you… done anything behind your back? Haven’t we always been straight with each other?”

There were several seconds of quiet nothing and I just stared down at the ground. White trash thug… Like needles shoved under my skin, I was hurt… really hurt. “Is this where you tell me about being awarded the Jackson Scholarship?”

Dennis’ head snapped around and looked at me with an astonished chagrined look. “You know about that?”

“That’s what Ginny and I were talking about this morning when you jumped me.” Dennis didn’t say anything.  “You’re going to refuse it aren’t you? You know how MUCH it means to me! Aren’t you??”

Dennis was flustered and refused to look at me directly. "I’m sorry Steve. My father insists that I accept it. He wants the prestige that goes with it. He wants me to be a lawyer or something… not just a “jock student”. Besides, that’s different from all this other stuff… Steve, you keep saying that you want to be like me. Well then, BE like me… I sure as hell wouldn’t do something like this… this black magic or curse or whatever. Just change everything back. I just can’t deal with it anymore. ust change back and give me this thing or whatever it is and I’ll hide it somewhere where it’ll never be found again. NO… just give it to me and I’ll smash it to bits so it won’t ever hurt anyone again. Steve… let’s just go back and be friends again. I just can’t deal with the way you look now… and won’t. Either put everything back… or… we’re through.”  

More hurt… deep, deep hurt. “Go back?! Go back to being a nerd, a nobody? A nobody that gets pushed around? Now, I guess I won’t even be able to go to a good college. You’ll be the golden boy, as usual; popular, good looking, stud jock star, a prestigious university, getting a degree that will get you just about anywhere. You’ll leave here with everything while I get to stagnate in this town with just about nothing. You’re my best friend… just about my only friend and I just can’t bear to lose even that. What choice do I have?…..…..

…But, you’re probably right… I should be more like you and just be myself… be the best self I can be.”

I unzipped the pocket of my leather jacket, reached in and pulled out the iridescent object, stared at it for a few seconds and showed it to Dennis. “You win.” I quietly mumbled.

“That’s it?… that little thing… that’s it?” Then Dennis went to his car trunk and returned with a hammer.

“Don’t worry Steve, everything will be all right. You’re not a nerd or a nobody.   You’ve got a fantastic mind and you’ll do just great… just wait and see. I just want us to be best friends again. You just change everything back and then I’ll just destroy this thing.” I stretched out my arm with the object in the palm of my hand so he could really see it and Dennis reached out and took hold of the object. Everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to work out for the best…

(End of part two)

Source: “BEST FRIENDS” by berlinstud on CYOC.net

[zetalial]

FMA 03 - Fullmetal Heart

Hey, I haven’t looked in depth at an FMA 03 episode in a while. So, in this post I’ll be talking about Episode 23, Fullmetal Heart - or Heart of Steel if you prefer. (In Japanese, a more literal translation of Edward’s title would be something like ‘Steel Alchemist’ apparently).

This episode is a gem. (It’s comedy moments even work.) It takes place immediately after the Lab 5 incident and deals with the aftermath. If I had to pick some sort of theme for this episode, it’d be something like Consequences and Responsibility and Opening Up. It’s also sort of a breather after the rather dark and intense Lab 5 arc.

The first shots capture this episode well. Ed wakes up, safe in a hospital. Then he freaks out as he remembers Al. Then he is relieved when he notices Al is with him. Then his face falls as he looks at Al’s condition.

Al’s in a pretty bad state, all of his metal limbs were eaten by Gluttony and he’s completely immobile. And, if anything his emotional state is even worse. Al’s present for much of this episode and yet he hardly says anything, mostly he’s inside his own head and brooding. 

Ed’s pretty battered himself and he has to call Winry to request she come and fix his arm. Plus he’s stuck in his hospital bed for practically the entire episode, evidently drained by his experience. While I’ve always associated the episode name with Al’s feelings, I feel that Ed’s feelings actually get the most focus throughout this episode. 

Maria and Denny ask about Lab 5 and Ed’s instinct is to brush them off. Really, brush the entire incident off and dismiss the consequences. He’s already casually talking about doing better next time. Maria Ross is not amused.

She slaps him on the face, telling him to take things seriously, that they were seriously injured and that they put themselves at risk. It’s a hard hit to shock him into listening. Maria risked her own life getting them out of Lab 5 and has been very diligent in her job to protect them. She asks Edward to try and start trusting adults (because she cares about them). 

Edward gets a similar challenge from Hughes not much later. He’s been looking at all the damage from Lab 5 and now goes to see Ed and Al for some answers. Meanwhile, he’s hiding what’s happening from Roy, choosing not to inform him anything when Roy calls.

At first, Ed’s reluctant to say anything. Hughes waits patiently for him to choose to speak and open up to him. There’s quite a bit of silence as Ed decides whether he wants to trust Hughes with the information. But eventually, he shares the information about the Homunculi - that they’re after the stone and wanted him to make it. 

Hughes thanks him for all the info and promises to look into it while the brothers recover and just take care of themselves. Ed’s shared the burden of that information so now he can focus on his own personal problems essentially. Ed gives a fake smile at that, looking over to Al.  

He hasn’t addressed it yet, but it’s obvious that Al’s not being himself. He’s only given one-word responses any time someone (Ed) directly addresses him and otherwise has been silent. Ed’s not sure what’s wrong but it’s clear that something is bothering Al.

Now, Winry arrives and she’s feeling a little guilty herself. She wasn’t careful enough with her maintenance (probably because she built the arm in three days) and forgot an important component and it got Ed into trouble. It’s treated mostly light-hearted but Winry’s clearly upset with herself and it ties into that theme of consequences nicely. That said, Winry’s presence is good for Ed.

He’s happy to see her and immediately tries to cheer her up when she’s upset and worried for him. She soon realises that things are tense between Ed and Al and immediately asks what’s wrong. She’s upset that they don’t open up, feeling that they’re keeping her at arms length.

Hughes finds her and offers some comfort. He explains that they do respect her and that they’re not good at opening up because they don’t want to burden anyone else with their problems. It’s a good summary of this episode’s them. Ed and Al sitting in silence with their misconceptions rather than talking is an excellent example of their difficulties in communicating even with each other. 

Hughes tells her that they do care for her and trust her. If she’s patient with them and is there for them then they’ll open up when it’s important. (And it’s really nice that he just invited her to his beloved daughter’s birthday party. Hughes is awesome. Yes, it’s here to make you sadder in a couple episodes.)

So, Winry returns to Ed and she doesn’t push him. Instead she give him a cake from Gracia and they start talking fondly of childhood memories. Al asks to leave the room so he can brood alone and as Winry works on Ed’s arm, he opens up to her about what’s bothering him.

He reveals that he’s scared that Al blames him for not making the stone. (And by extension for Al being stuck in the armoured body at all.) Winry consoles him, that Al wouldn’t want him to take another’s life. She suggests that Ed just offers an apology to him and try to mend things rather than letting things stay this tense. 

Ed seems nervous and conflicted but agrees and offering an apology is the very next thing Ed does.

(It’s also the first time Ed actually stands up this episode.) 

Well, in response, Al also opens up. Hooray! Except, it’s that he thinks he’s a fake and that Ed doesn’t really love him. (Is this what happens when he broods in silence for too long?)

So, Al demands some answers from Ed and he’s struggling on what to say again. Al’s also ignoring Winry and is irrational and angry. While Ed is scared to confess what’s truly, truly been bothering him for years (whether Al blames him for the human transmuation and being stuck in unfeeling armour), he’s trying to show through his actions that he cares.

For his trouble, he gets hit in the face (the second time this episode!) and Al runs away. Eh, well some things can’t be brushed off quickly. Al needs time to deal with his feelings and Ed will properly reveal his worries next episode.

So, yeah, a whole lot of consequences from Lab 5 and lots of opening up from Edward. 03 seems so good when you put Ed at the centre of of everything. I love the way he’s explored here and seeing the various interactions between him and Winry, Maria, Hughes and his brother. It’s also his birthday which means he’s growing up (emotionally maturing, I mean). 

[nhlarchived]

NYC ~ Mathew Barzal

Chapter Three

Ch. One ~ Ch. Two ~ Ch. Three ~ Ch. Four ~ Ch. Five

Word Count: 2,573

Warnings: Mature Language

Wattpad

As if going to school wasn’t boring enough on its own, Mother Nature decided to give us a rainstorm today. Thankfully the MTA station was not only directly in front of my apartment building, but also outside of where my class was being held for the day. Allowing me to avoid being completely drenched from the torrential downpour. 

I didn’t mind the forecast too bad, I actually love storms. However, I enjoy them the most while I’m at home watching from the comfort of my own bed, using it as white noise to take a nap. Yet here I sit in my uncomfortable plastic seat watching droplets race each other down the glass window while a professor fifty feet away speaks gibberish into a microphone. 

My class this morning was of course, one of my least favorites. Not that I hated it due to being difficult, only because I knew practically everything already and I could teach the class better than the professor himself. So, for entertainment before I passed out from pure boredom, I decided to occupy myself by texting Mathew after his morning practice had ended. 

Similar to how he is in person, he was great with holding a conversation. In fact, I almost forgot I was even in class. He decided to explain more in depth on his life back home in Vancouver, telling me about his parents, sister and even about their dogs that he’s apparently terrified of. I was so invested in the stories he was telling that as he was confessing some embarrassing ones, I accidentally let out a giggle that I had to quickly cover with a fake cough to not disrupt the class. Although I couldn’t trick the people closely surrounding me as I had a permanent smile plastered on my face that my hand couldn’t even hide. 

As much as I could through text, I made my potential feelings towards him obvious as he did the same for I, but after last night I couldn’t help but worry if this would work out or not. The money from nannying was the only thing covering my student loans and necessities. I was living on my own in one of the most expensive cities as a full time student. I’m fortunate enough that my distant family owned my current apartment and allowed me to reside there as long as I maintained at the very least a 3.8 GPA. However the cost of my loans, food, transportation, miscellaneous bills and school supplies were a lot to handle and nannying was the only thing flexible enough for my schedule. 

Class finally released and I made my way back to the subway with only getting slightly wet from the rain. It was torturous underground as the fahrenheit was roughly around 50° and the humidity still found a way to crawl under my skin. Once on the train I took a corner seat next to the exit while a business man in a suit relaxed on my right. 

My phone vibrated which I had assumed was Mathew, but to my surprise Rebecca’s name had appeared at the top of the screen accompanied by a glowing ‘slide to answer’ bar across the bottom. My heart started pounding through my chest wondering if Dennis had mentioned the event from last night. My mind imagining the worst case scenario of her telling me I can’t talk to him anymore or even worse, having them fire me. 

“Hello?” I spoke nervously into the line after subconsciously sliding the white call circle with my thumb. 

“Cassie! I️ hope you’re doing well!” She responded excitedly. I released an agonizing breath once hearing the positive tone she was using. She’s not the type to be passive, she’s one of those people where if she was upset or disappointed, she would let it be known. 

“I’m pretty good, how are you?” I answered sweetly, now beginning to question why she would be calling mid-day like this. 

“I’m wonderful, and I️ would be even better if you could do me a huuuge favor.” She suggested. Nine times out of ten this meant she needed me to babysit with short notice. However, the unusual part was she normally texts me instead of calling.

“Yeah of course, anything for you guys!” I replied joyfully. I could definitely use the extra money with the holidays slowly creeping in. Plus, I couldn’t help but still be curious if Dennis had spilled the beans yet or not, and the only way to find out was to see them face to face. 

“Can you sit the kids tonight? Dennis and I️ want to have a little date night before the season starts. Mat said he’s going out with a friend but I trust you more anyway. I’m sure you probably have plans tonight but I️ figured it was worth a shot.” She explained. 

‘Mat said he’s going out with a friend.’ 

Immediately I knew that I was ‘the friend’ since we had planned for him to come check out my lonely apartment tonight. I was bummed that I would have to cancel, but my job and income will always come first. I’m sure Mathew would understand, and if he didn’t then that would be enough verification for me to end whatever relationship we have anyway. 

“No problem at all, I’ll be there!” I confirmed enthusiastically, now exiting the train that was at my stop. I covered my vacant ear with my index finger to better my hearing as I have now joined the exorbitant amount of people on the staircase back to ground level. 

“Oh my gosh you are literally the best. Be here by six?” She requested. I looked down at my watch and the hands sat on the twelve and two. This gave me plenty of time to get ready before catching the LIRR in time to make it there. 

“I’ll see you then.” I confirmed before we said our goodbyes and hung up the phone. 

Once returning to the comfort of my warm and dry apartment, I opened a text message to send to Mathew explaining the cancellation of our plans for the night. 

Cassandra: “I’m sincerely sorry I️ have to cancel tonight. Rebecca needs me to watch the kids so they can go on a date. I️ figured it’s the least I️ could do after upsetting Dennis last night.” 

I pressed the send button and a little pit in my stomach started to grow. I was disappointed. I was highly anticipating hanging with him and getting to know him on a more personable level. But maybe being alone at my apartment was too quick at the moment anyway. I guess having a simple restaurant date first wouldn’t hurt. 

It wasn’t long before I felt a vibration from the device in my hand. His name playing across the screen directly underneath the time. I wasted no time before entering my passcode and revealing the message. 

Mathew: “Don’t worry about it I️ understand. Besides, now that I’m not going anywhere tonight, that means we get to watch the kids together ;)” 

As if Dennis wasn’t skeptical enough, there was no way he was going to be enthusiastic about the two of us alone with the kids. Although, this could be the perfect opportunity to prove to him that I can maintain self control. Let’s just hope it’s the second one. 

It was now a quarter till six and of course, it was still raining. I quickly sprinted to the porch where I could be protected from the precipitation. I rang the bell and it was only a matter of seconds before Rebecca opened the door, completely taking my breath away with her appearance. Wherever Dennis was planning on taking her tonight was clearly going to be elegant. 

Once entering into the foyer the three kids, already dressed in their pajamas, ran up and attached to my legs. Giggles echoing through the large house as I tried to keep my balance. It warms my heart every time they do this. It doesn’t matter how much time we spend together or the short amount of time from when I last saw them. I was basically just an older sibling to them. Even the parents watched in awe as they saw the genuine joy pour out of their children.

“Alright, alright. We know you’re excited but try not to break her legs.” Rebecca recommended causing them to ease off my legs that way I could stand normal again. Dennis then appeared from the hallway handing Rebecca her purse. Nervous, I felt my body begin to sweat as I was still unsure of where we stood. 

“Since it’s raining, no going outside. Also, there may be no school tomorrow, but you still have to be in bed by eight. Deal?” Dennis acknowledged the kids. They all nodded their heads before running off to the game room down the hall, instructing me to follow them. Before I went with them I turned to Rebecca as she usually has some sort of instructions to give me for the night. 

“They’ve already eaten so no need to feed them tonight. If they start asking for ice cream, no problem, just make sure it’s before seven. You pretty much know the deal.” She explained while grabbing her umbrella and walking into the garage, entering their car. I nodded my head in agreement.

“Cassandra” I heard Dennis say walking up from behind me, and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to melt through the floor and disappear. “Just to let you know, Mat isn’t going out tonight anymore so he’ll be home. I️ instructed him to stay downstairs so he shouldn’t bother you guys.” He continued. 

I could feel my whole body freeze when he spoke Mat’s name. I was waiting for him to say something along the lines of “If I see you with him again, we’re firing you.”, but luckily that didn’t happen. 

“We should be home by midnight. If it gets too late leave Mat here with the kids and you can go home. No need to stay overnight.” He finished before entering the driver’s side of the car. I shined them a smile and waved goodbye as they left and finally I could now relax knowing Dennis is going to let this slide. 

I played board games with the kids for what felt like hours but was only forty-five minutes. I allowed them to win every time because, well they’re kids, but it made this quite boring for me. However, right before seven o’clock rolled by, they began begging for ice cream just like Rebecca had foreseen. 

I grabbed each of them a bowl, filling it with their desired flavors before they took off to eat in the living room while watching television. I remained in the kitchen, keeping an eye on them over the half wall, and began to rinse off the ice cream scoop before placing it in the dishwasher. 

I grabbed a paper towel to dry my hands off when I felt the presence of fingertips wrapping around my waist. I quickly turned around in panic not sure of who it could be, but then I was met with a smirk that I’ve grown very fond of. A long sigh of relief escaped my mouth after seeing Mathew. My muscles relaxed and my hands that were up in surrender fell onto his chest. I could feel him giggling underneath my fingertips. 

“Oh I’m sorry, did I scare you?” He teased, with his arms still around my waist as he pulled me closer to him. Between his toned muscles under my palms and the way his features crinkled in laugher, I was lost in a daze. I never thought I would see the day where I would be this attracted to someone. Especially someone I had just met. 

Suddenly, a loud noise from the television reminded me of the kids in the next room. I quickly pushed him off of me looking towards the children to make sure they didn’t see anything that had just happened. 

“You can’t do this around the kids.” I whispered anxiously to Mat.  

“I️ can’t hug you? Come on it’s not like we’re sticking our tongues down each other’s throats.” He instigated. I rolled my eyes and ignored his comment. Moving out of his touch and beginning to tidy up the kitchen once again. 

It wasn’t long before his hands found their way around my waist once again. This time feeling his entire body against my back, and his breath near my ear. My heart stopped.

“But I mean, we totally could if you wanted to.” He whispered in my ear erupting goosebumps down my arms. Of course I wanted to. I wanted nothing more at the moment, but this was not the time and place. It took everything out of my to pull from his touch. I lightly tapped my elbow onto his torso behind me before stepping out of his arms. I didn’t want to make an actual impact, just enough that he got the point. I turned around and sent him a dismayed glare. 

“I️ was joking! Partially.” He continued as I tried my hardest to fight back a smile. 

“Dennis made it clear he didn’t want you around us tonight. The last thing I️ need is the kids telling him we were hugging in the kitchen.” I explained, turning Mathew around and playfully pushing his back towards the stairs that lead to the basement. 

“Oh no, not hugging. Only married people do that.” Mat snidely joked. I scuffed behind him as I struggled with my attempt to push him towards the door. I got him halfway there before he decided to bend his knees and lay all of his weight onto my arms, his head falling to my shoulder.

“Oh no, my knees gave out. Looks like you’re going to have to carry me.” Mathew played as I used all my strength to keep both him and I from falling over. All while trying to keep my laughing to a minimum so he couldn’t hear. 

“I️ came here to babysit them, not you!” I teased finally getting him to the basement door. Yet, he didn’t let off any of his weight. 

“I’ll go down on one condition.” He then added, turning his head that was still on my shoulder towards my face, where his nose now tickled my cheek. 

“You have to join me down there once the kids go to sleep.” He whispered so low to the point I almost didn’t hear it. 

This sent me into a whirlwind of thoughts. I wouldn’t have to worry about the kids seeing, since they’re the best sleepers ever and never come out of their rooms. Plus, it's always quiet and lonely after they’re asleep. I normally just sit on the couch and watch TV anyway. Dennis told me to head home after they were all in bed, but staying another couple of minutes couldn’t hurt right? Especially since they were expected to come home late. It sounded almost foolproof. 

“Ugh my legs!” Mat said, clearly becoming impatient for my answer, as he leaned even more weight onto me. 

“Okay okay okay! I’ll see you down there at 8:30.” I answered almost toppling over onto the floor. “Can’t wait.” He stated while finally standing up straight, freeing my muscles as he quickly and happily descended down the stairs.

[queenofthearchitect]

Surprise Chapter 4

This series was requested by @instantbouquetdestinysblog

I got help with this fic from my sis @queenofthekingslayer

A/N: thank y’all for supporting me I hope y’all liked the series so far i know I have.

Btw I wrote this at 3 am please expect mistakes lol

Warnings: angst, cussing, fighting, talks of leaving.

Parings Seth x reader

Enjoy🥰

I laid in bed looking at Seth and the more I sat there the cravings getting worse and worse, I lightly shook him “Seth.” He gave me a grunt letting me know he was awake. I smiled at him even though I knew he was irritated about me waking him up, “Seth.” In a hushed whisper, he rolled over and looked at me “what y/n.” He dan and hand through his hair. I couldn’t help but to smile at him I mean even though he had a small case of morning breath and he was grumpy he was still cute.

“Can you get me a Denny’s mint milkshake please?” I cuddled into him and started kissing his chest he groaned dramatically and sat up to look at the clock “Y/N it’s barley 2 am and you want a milkshake?” I looked at him and gave him and innocent smile “well in that case No.” my smile dropped I guess you can say I was spoiled cause Seth never tells me no and vise versa so when he said no I kinda got upset.

“What do you mean no?” I raised up and looked at him he turned back over and pulled the cover up “Exactly what I just said Y/N I’m not going to get you a shake, because it’s not even 3 am and it’s 32 degrees outside.” I looked at him and rolled my eyes “well i bet if Marek called and needed you for somthing at the gym you would get up and rush there.” He just laid there, and the more he did the angrier I was getting. I grabbed my pillow and hit him with it “fine I’ll go get my own damn milkshake.”

He let out a soft laugh and I snapped my head at him “whats so funny.” He raised up and looked at me “you can barley get out of bed with out having to stop for breathes, So I can only imagine what would happen if you tried to drive.” I looked at him “well I guess We are about to find out, also I have our child in me.” He huffed and looked at me “Y/N you’re being sensitive it’s not that serious babe I’ll go just lay in bed.”

I looked at him and rolled my eyes “oh no it’s too late I already got my clothes on so I might as well go I snatched the keys off the dresser and I left the room, I heard Seth cuss and faint movement in the room, I went to the living room and I flung open the front door. I opened the back door of my srurban and got my purse from out the back floor board and then I got into the front seat, I slammed the door shut and I buckled up and quickly turned it on to get the heat going, Seth was standing at the front door I pulled out the drive way and started driving tears stung my eyes while I drove.

I wiped at them and driving at this time wasn’t bad in Iowa, everyone was usually in bed around this time and luckily Denny’s was open 24/7 my mouth started watering at the thought of the mint shake I was about to get going. When I was pulled from my thoughts as my phone ringing through the speakers of the car, I quickly glared down at the smart radio seeing Seth’s name on it I rolled my eyes and hit decline and continued to drive.

I arrived at Denny’s and I pulled up to the Drive Through the lady came on the speakers “hi welcome to Denny’s order when your ready.” I smiled and I opened my mouth to speak but Seth called me again and I groaned and unhooked my Bluetooth and declined the call and threw my phone, I turned back to the speaker and smiled sorry yeah “I’ll have a mint shake and a fry and that’s it.” I waited patiently so she could add the total “Your total is..” the ringing of my phone for the second time makes it impossible for me to hear the total.

I let out a frustrated scream, I took a deep breath and trying to collect my thoughts. I hang up the phone and turn it off before turning back to the monitor. “You’re going to have to repeat yourself.” She quickly responded “your total is $7.76.” I smiled “okay thank you so much.” I put the car in drive and I pulled up to the next window and she opened it up the aroma of different foods filled my nose and I waited for my milkshake and smiled when she came into view with my shake in her hand.

She opened the window and handed me my shake and her eyes dropped to my stomach and she smiled “Oh congratulations do you know what you’re having?” I smiled at her “no I find out at my next doctors appointment.” She smiled at me and a girl interrupted her before she could reply to me “Oh My God your Y/R/N and your dating Seth Rollins aren’t you?” I smiled at her “yep that’s me, and actually we are married.” The lady looked at the girl and smiled at her “I thought it was you I just didn’t want to say Anything, you guys probably get bothered enough when y’all are off.”

I smiled at her “Oh you have no idea, but I have to get home now my husband is probably waiting for me.” She smiled and nodded “of course be safe and congratulations on having a baby and getting married.” I smiled at her and started to roll up my window “you too and thanks have a good night.” I pulled off and was on my way home I grabbed the shake and took a drink of it and let out a dramatic screech of victory I looked see if any cars were coming and I I didn’t see any.

I seen a few people looking at me from across the street like I was crazy, I pulled off very slowly passing them but as I passed them I made a funky face at them and I drove off it took me about 20 minutes to get to the house and the living room light was on, “shit, well hopefully he’s asleep.” I thought to myself as I pulled into the drive way and parked the car. I unbuckled and grabbed my phone and put it in my purse, I grabbed my shake and then the keys, then I shut the door and hit the lock button twice and I walked up to the front door and I twisted the doornob I took a deep breath then walked in.

Seth got up from the couch and walked over to me “Y/N why didn’t you answer your phone.” I took a look at him while drinking my shake I pulled away from it and swallowed what was in my mouth and looked at him, “you kept bugging me so I turned it off.” He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around my waist, “I was worried about you Y/N.” I scoffed and looked at him “I was gone for about an hour and you’re acting like I left you alone all day, like you do me when you go to black and brave.” I seen the frustration grow on his face he sighed and looked at me “Y/N really is this really what all this is about, CrossFit cause if it is grow up, you can’t expect to take care of a baby if you act like one.”

I felt my blood boil and I spat back “Whatever Seth It’s not going to be long before you put CrossFit before our child anyways.” I shrugged nonchalantly and walked away from him he followed hot on my tail “I can’t believe you just said that.” I whipped around to face him “oh believe it buddy and go talk to one of those women you work with about all our problems since that’s all you do.” He grabbed my arm and I seen tears in his eyes and I immediately regretted saying everything.

He let go of my arm and mumbled “I’ll sleep on the couch.” I bit my lip “No Seth you can sleep in our room I’ll sleep in the guest room.” He nodded and hugged me “Goodnight Y/N see you in the morning.” I hugged him back and said good night “Seth I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that’s.” He turned and looked at me and just smiled softly and shut the door. I went in the guest room and shut the door and I could hear Seth sniffle through the walls and I wanted so bad to go in there and just hold him like he did me when I was sad but he was upset with me.

I felt tears start stinging my eyes and I started crying “what the fuck did you do Y/N.” I said to myself and I put my face in my hands, I laid down soon after and covered myself up. I slowly fell asleep. I felt the spot beside me dip, I opened my eyes and looked at the clock and it said 3:30 am I felt Seth’s arm wrap around me and I bit my lip trying not to let him know I was awake, he berushed some hairs out of my face and tuck them behind my ear. he gave me a nice kiss On the cheek.

“Y/N I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” I turned to face him and I smiled sadly I pecked his lips “No Seth I should be sorry, this pregnancy has gotten my hormones out of wack and I’m moody I shouldn’t take it out on you, I know you try the best you can it’s just every time you come home you’re always at black and brave and I know those pretty thinner girls are there and basically eye fucking you, and I get jealous and I didnt want our child to feel second best to cross fit.”

He kissed me to get me to stop talking “Y/N I don’t care how those girls look at me because I know who I’m with and why, who cares your not as skinny anymore, you’re pregnant and you still look good baby, when it comes to CrossFit nothing is more important than you and our little Rollins in there and don’t forget it.” I smiled at him “this is why I married you, and how I ended up like this. He smiled and kissed me “I love you Y/N.” I smiled and kissed his lips ”I love you too sethie.” He smiled and kissed my tummy and “I love you little Architect.” I smiled at the different nicknames and I pulled him up to me and I kissed his lips and I slowly slipped my hands in his panda and he raised an eyebrow at me “Oh I guess it will take all night to make it up to you huh?” I smiled and nodded.

A/N: thanks for reading a lot more fics are coming sorry if this isn’t good it 3:37 am where I love so I’m sorry.

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