#if it was a movie it would be better but my animation skills are subpar

[spirirsstuff]

in the spirir of spooky month take this horror story

i wrote it like 2 months ago and forgot about it and finished it last night

so enjoy

tw: violence, gore, death, swearing, basically all that fun stuff

also! bold text is flashbacks. i won’t say what the italic text is, but you can ask that and i may give some hints ;]

I was running.

I couldn’t remember why I was running, but I was.

I was soaked with blood. I had fresh cuts all over myself, and I was sure that many would scar. Some of them were pretty deep.

I still didn’t remember why I was running.

Something about someone… coming. Nothing more.

I was decently deep in the forest, so usually not many people were here. But sometimes there were deer hunters or someone along those lines. I had run into a lumberjack with a terrified expression on his face.

Aliza was on the phone, her voice panicked and her breathing quick. She was sobbing.

“PLEASE! PLEASE WE NEED YOU TO GET HERE RIGHT NOW! WE CAN’T TAKE HIM ALONE!” she screamed, holding the phone up to her ear.

That urge took hold of me again. I grabbed the axe from the ground beside me, while my sister looked at me with horror, her brown eyes were filled with fear.

I swung the axe at her, but missed. She bravely took a jab at me with her pocket knife. It left a nice, deep, oozing cut on my arm. But the adrenaline didn’t let it hurt.

I swung the axe again. It hit her leg, cutting into the bone. Aliza shrieked, clasping her hands over the wound and falling to the ground. With another swing, I cut off one of her arms. And another pained scream.

And I swung at her neck.

Why did this blood taste so fucking good?

I kept running.

I came across a cabin.

The lights were off, and the door was unlocked.

I went inside.

There was no fire in the hearth, and no warmth except for the smoky air. There was a fire here recently.

I walked through the rooms, and tried to find the bathroom.

It smelled horrible. There were feces in the toilet, and on the floor as well. Someone or something was in here. And it might still be in here now.

But I didn’t care. I poured an antiseptic over my cuts.

It stung like hell.

The cuts foamed as the antiseptic disinfected. Of course, the bottle would be empty and my cuts would still be foaming by the time I was done, but it would be better than nothing.

And then I heard a whimper from another room, followed by, “Shh, it’ll all be over soon, honey,” quietly.

I opened the basement door. My parents had locked me in there, locking me away. I was only supposed to be out when we were alone. But I only wanted to be out when there were other people.

I couldn’t get that same, wonderful sensation when other people weren’t around. And I knew that from experience.

I found a few screwdrivers in the basement and had started to disassemble the lock over time. Tonight was the night. The night I finally escaped.

Taking the screwdriver, I took the last of it off and removed the lock.

And I opened the door.

A lot of people. Most of which I didn’t know. People… that wonderful sensation.

So I went down and grabbed an axe.

My parents were the first to notice me. They tried to stay calm. They tried to keep themselves together. But it failed, and I was able to start with them.

Their screams alerted the others, some of which shrieked or fainted or froze up when they saw the pools of blood and cut up corpses.

That only made them easier targets.

The blood spilled, splattering onto me. None dared to fight back.

These stains would make them like me more, right?

I ran out of the cabin. I still didn’t know what I was running from or why.

I heard something. An engine.

I ran from the engine.

And a siren.

I ran from the siren.

It approached.

I reached for my axe.

Where was my axe? Where is it?

Did I leave it in the house at the party? Or somewhere else?

The sirens kept coming. Was it better or worse to run from them?

Worse. Much worse.

I stopped.

I ran.

I stopped.

I ran.

I was going nowhere.

I had to go somewhere.

And then the sirens caught up.

I collapsed.

“And that’s the tale I know, kids.”

“Are you sure that story’s true, Gramma?”

“Well, I was there. I watched him kill my parents. The police say they found him dead, but I’m not totally sure. I still tell the tale of the Axe Boy today. Who knows, he might still be out there hunting someone down today.”

[lookofhisoceaneyes]

**The Best of the Best: Must-Read Fanfiction Gems**

2/4

Marvel Fandom: 

1. when i die i’ll sacrifice (more than enough for the afterlife) by notcaycepollard

when i die i’ll sacrifice (more than enough for the afterlife) - notcaycepollard - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]

The fall is longer than Natasha expects.

It’s tears cold on her face, teeth bitten all the way through her lip and the taste of copper in her mouth; she’s falling and falling and then, bracing for impact—she wakes up.

---

main ship: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

Oh my, Oh my, a kind of fix-it fic in which Natasha doesn't die but travels back in time and tries to make everything better. An absolute comfort fic for me. Quietnight has also recorded a really great podfic. Listen to it too!

the podfic: [Podfic] when i die i’ll sacrifice (more than enough for the afterlife) - quietnight - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]

2. I'll explain everything to the geese by napricot

I'll explain everything to the geese - Chapter 1 - napricot - Marvel Cinematic Universe [Archive of Our Own]

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

---

main ship: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson

I love SamBucky fic where Bucky is competent and has a lot of skills. The fic is very humorous and well written. It's about lots of talking birds and a rather smitten Sam. Be sure to check out napricot's profile. Quietnight has also recorded a great podfic, check it out too:

podfic:[Podfic] I'll explain everything to the geese - Chapter 1 - quietnight - Marvel Cinematic Universe [Archive of Our Own]

---

3. ain't really quaint by quietnight, silentwalrus

ain't really quaint - Chapter 1 - quietnight, silentwalrus - Captain America - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

Natasha stops by on a Tuesday, early enough in the morning that it would have been late by Steve’s old standards. Now, though, it takes him nearly three minutes just to limp to the door, yawning, and when he opens it he has to lean heavily on the doorframe.

“Hi,” Natasha says, over the beginnings of birdsong. She’s not alone. “Can we come in?”

---

Main Ship: Steve Rogers/James "Bucky" Barnes 

You want a funny fic with comic accurate, Bucky Barnes, an absolute troll Steve Rogers (Who pretends to be a farmer?) Then you've come to the right place! Bucky is kind of a shy animal and Steve makes it harder for him than it should be. (In a funny way.)There's a great podfic from Quietnight here too (can you tell I love Quietnight's podfics?)

the podfic: [Podfic] ain't really quaint - Chapter 1 - quietnight - Captain America - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

4. the thing is by napricot

the thing is - Chapter 1 - napricot - Marvel Cinematic Universe [Archive of Our Own]

“I don’t have a problem!” Sam insists. “Bucky is not a problem. Bucky is on a beautiful journey of self-care and healing and making amends with his body, and I support him 100%.”

“Mmhmm,” says Sarah, and when Sam can tear his gaze away from Bucky, he sees that she’s fixing him with a sweetly compassionate gaze. He readies himself for some no-nonsense sisterly wisdom. In tones of deep sympathy, she says, “And you’re horny about it.”

Sam grits his teeth and grips the arms of his lounge chair. “I’m so horny about it, oh my god.”

Bucky is finally ready to make amends with himself, and specifically his body, but he might need to enlist some help. If that help involves kind of, sort of tricking an overworked Sam into doing some self-care and having some fun of his own, so much the better. Sam, meanwhile, is happy to help, it's just that helping Bucky is turning out to have the inconvenient side effect of falling for him too.

—-

Main Ship: Sam Wilson/James "Bucky" Barnes 

Healing Bucky Barnes? Therapy, yoga and a stressed-out Sam who can't cope? Sign me up! Another fanfic that's a real comfort fic. Maybe I just want to be in such good therapy myself, but who knows. It's definitely worth it!

5. Out of the Dead Land by orphan_account

Out of the Dead Land - Chapter 1 - orphan_account - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]

Someone is building machines that look and act like people.

Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier tries to be Bucky Barnes.

—

Main Ship: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

You want a fic where the Winter Soldier finds out he's Bucky Barnes? Join Bucky Barnes as he comes in from the cold. There's also a great podfic from Quietnight.

Podfic:[Podfic] Out of the Dead Land - Chapter 1 - quietnight - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]

6. keep making trouble (til you find what you love) by squadrickchestopher

keep making trouble (til you find what you love) - squadrickchestopher - Marvel Cinematic Universe [Archive of Our Own]

“I am paying attention,” Clint says, glaring at him. He’s so done with this guy. “Your name is Cale Montague. You wear sunglasses both at night and inside, which means you’re doubly the tool I thought you were. Your first name is also a vegetable, so I’m guessing your parents were either hippies or super rich. You like to hit poor, defenseless guys, and your suit is very much a last season kind of thing. That about cover it?”

Montague looks a little nonplussed at this. Behind him, Barnes’s shoulders are shaking with muffled laughter. Clint stifles his own grin and waits for an answer.

After a moment, Montague pinches the bridge of his nose and says, “This is going to be a long night, isn’t it?”

—

Main Ship: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton (this is Comic!Clint Barton)

You like comic accurate Clint Barton and Bucky Barnes? Then this is the fic for you. A good pinch of humor, action and a lot of bickering. There is also a fantastic Podfic. Make sure to check it out!

the podfic: (next post)

[bleedingmyway-blog]

Disenchantment with japanese culture

I've always been a weeaboo. To me, that is the one subculture I've always identified to in the same manner that a sports fan may immediately and proudly answer that they've been a madridista/yankees fan for as long as they can remember. I have been watching anime since I was a wee young lad; at the time I was growing up, french television was ripe with animated shows that were the result of collaborations between japanese and french/italian societies (these collaborations themselves the result of laws instigated by european countries to reduce the invasion of japanese shows on children's tv).

While said shows were closer to cartoons and typically had a more western thematic, there also was a channel called "Manga" which aired a lot of anime, and I'm not talking about older anime that was already fully voiced by the early 00s, i'm talking about anime which was pretty recent at the time and already voiced in french : cowboy bebop, wolf's rain, gurenn lagan, as well as some classics (which at the time were not-so-classic and more obscure) such as neon genesis evangelion, fullmetal alchemist, code geass, amongst others.

I grew to absolutely loathe live-action TV (i could not bear to see "real" people on tv as i called them, it irked me to no end as a child) and had gained some sort of an affinity towards japanese culture in general; as cringeworthy as it may sound. Of course, I was also a big fan of super-heroes (like any child), but anime was my "main" thing. It did not help that I was more of a nintendo gamer when i was younger, meaning you'd typically end up with a game between your hands that was more influenced by japanese folklore than say, your average ps3/xbox game at the time.

As soon as I was able to scour the internet for my own devices, I naturally orbited towards the anime sphere -and I wouldn't use the weeaboo term, as i was not really involved in a fandom community-, starting by using the wonders of the internet to rewatch certain anime i was fond of, like city hunter or haisukuru kimengumi (at the time, i found it incredible that you could use youtube/dailymotion to watch any episode of any show you wanted when you wanted to).

I then started getting into the classics, watching/reading death note at the time (and getting ultimately spoiled for no reason whatsoever in middle school, despite being the one to have showed spoilerish classmates the anime), bleach, highschool DxD (which was incredibly trendy at some point), the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya and so on.

I hardly watched any movies save for those that would occasionally air on tv, or series; i was exclusively into anime and reading manga when I was in middle school. I'd like to remind you, dear reader, that the reason you may believe what I'm saying is not too interesting or uncommon -save for my subpar writing skills and failure to keep your interest- is because it has now become widely accepted to indulge in this subculture of anime/manga/japanese culture.

I shall not go into detail, but whereas it is now conventionally acceptable to go out wearing an anime shirt or tell your co-worker you spent the friday night watching the latest one piece episode with your friend/partner, I grew up in a time where this was seen as incredibly nerdy, cringeworthy, and anime was typically known as "chinese cartoons". You couldn't just up and go wear an anime shirt either; you'd have better luck trying to tell a chick about your last wow raid than try to greet somebody without getting weird stares directed at your chest. Worse : an outgoing weeaboo was basically seen as a walking talking -and sweating- cringemachine by other more recluse weeaboos.

There was some sort of an excitement to finding someone else who bore the curse of taking drawn big eyed and pink haired girls making a transformation into a bikini outfit for the sole purpose of fighting seriously, and indulge as well as recommend each other anime. By the time I went to highschool, I was deeper into the entire thing : i started watching more moe anime (which i equate to the moment where regular substance use becomes addiction), getting involved in pretty obscure animemes community (i am talking about the weird love live! plushie memes, kemono friends and such) as well as watching more obscure anime such as serial experiments lain, ergo proxy, casshern sins, and others i am probably missing. You may find me a pedant for calling these obscure, but prior to instagram (sadly) making the boa opening song trending -i cannot describe the feeling when i first heard it on instagram on a coworker's story and being in complete disbelief- lain was quite obscure and there wasn't a lot to be found about it save for the very closed online forum, the cyberia music, and a lot of theories. By college, i was mostly reading manga, going for things like Dorohedoro, Blame!, that one with the fish/mushroom girl (shimeji watchacallit) and so on.

But at the time, it felt like fodder. I was going through a pretty rough phase. I numbed my general misery by cramming in as much obscure manga, anime and fan art as possible : it helped keep me away from thinking at all. I hardly participated in online communities as I did before : i was content in my lonely indulgement, and I felt like my tastes were a tad too specific for me to bond with people who had a budding love for anime which was starting to get some pretty serious traction before covid hit (attack on titan, my hero academia and such becoming increasingly popular). But I also listened to a lot of american music, read more and more american books as well as started really getting into movies. As covid hit, I was pretty much over that very nasty phase of depression I was going through; and with it, I quit accessing the twitter account which was filled with obscure japanese artists, and started unsubscribing to pages of meme content for some communities i no longer felt like i was identifying to. I still watched anime, but treated it more like a medium which had gems but mostly had content that didn't further me in my litterary and spiritual pursuits as western media did : there was no japanese equivalent to the "holy mountain" movie by alejandro jodorovsky or to naked lunch. I also got into marvel comics during covid, which frankly didn't help.

But lastly : i felt like i no longer belonged in the anile community.

One, I didn't like the mainstream stuff. It irked me, isekais were too generic, i had my dose of shonen in my teens and mainstream anime wasn't my cup of tea. I couldn't really communicate with new weeaboos : i felt like we belonged to two different worlds. Seeing someone wearing anime merch in 2021 hit different than seeing that in 2011.

Second, I didn't identify with weeaboos either. I wasn't one of the weird wehraboos who would go on strange alt-right rants while having a girls und panzer pfp, and I also apparently was too outgoing for certain communities - i don't consider myself extroverted, but i'm not exactly keen on spending my day in a community loathing "normies" and "stacies".

Don't get me wrong : there are some wonderful people my age in those moe anime communities, but the amount of alt right/self-loathing creeps i'd have to wade through demotivates me. I was growing more uncomfortable with weeaboos in general. As time progressed, i developped new interests, and the more i indulged in them, the less I felt a connection to the weeaboo community. And as of 2024, I simply haven't watched a single anime/read any manga, for the first time in my life.

I no longer "feel" those memes, which are either sexually innapropriate (and i certainly don't write this to get anybody'd approval, i just sincerely believe loli memes are not funny and just concerning past a certain age) nor for the more bizarre female archetypes portrayed; i believe interacting with a woman on a level other than platonic one allows you to see that "anime mommies" are just the result of massive sexual frustration in the japanese anime culture. And finally, on the subject of portrayal of sexuality in anime/manga, I have no interest in getting into some bullcrap manga because it's "not like the cuckoo liberal western shitty content ! animu still shows us breasts !". I'll watch something if I judge it to be interesting enough, not because I want to make consuming any media some sort of an act of revolution.

So, ultimately, I don't know where that leaves me. I still love anime. I still love the fan art, i still feel like watching some classics which I've never watched or finished, but I think I've grown overall disenchanted with it. Anime/manga cutesy tropes just upset me now, character archetypes don't feel realistic to me, and so on so forth. I don't think I've got much to say left save for thank you for reading if you've made it this far.

[sisterspooky1013]

Better Than Sex

Author: SisterSpooky1013

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 1666

Tagging: @today-in-fic

Read it on AO3

“Better Than Sex Cake” Mulder read aloud from the menu before looking across the table at Scully with his eyebrows raised in question.

They had just concluded an evening traipsing through an (alleged) actual ghost town, though no signs of ghosts were to be seen. Just a lot of graffiti, dirty mattresses and a used condom or two. Now they were sitting at the first diner they came across, Mo’s Café, and Mulder was considering the sex cake.

“Knock yourself out, Mulder, I’m sticking to coffee.”

“You aren’t curious as to whether this cake is, in fact, better than sex?”

“Well I’m sure it’s better than bad sex, but if it were better than great sex the population would die out because everyone would skip procreating and just eat cake.”

Mulder considered her statement. “Isn’t ‘bad sex’ somewhat of an oxymoron?”

She gave him an incredulous look. “Are you being serious?”

Now it was his turn to look incredulous. “The only bad sex is no sex, as far as I’m concerned.”

Scully shook her head ruefully. “Must be nice to be a man.”

Just then the waitress came by to take their order. Scully requested coffee and dry toast, while Mulder opted for coffee and the aforementioned sex cake. After she collected their menus and retreated to the kitchen, Mulder eyed Scully appraisingly, gaging her mood. Sometimes she was open and willing to talk about things of a personal or private nature, other times she kept her lips as tight as a steel trap. He suspected he might have a chatty Scully on his hands, and didn’t want to waste the opportunity.

“So, if I’m understanding correctly, Scully, there would be a circumstance under which you would choose a piece of cake over sex?”

She screwed up her mouth a little, not in consideration of how to answer the question, but whether to answer it at all. “Depends who the sex is with, I suppose, but yes, I could think of a few times where cake would have been a more enjoyable option.”

“Hm” was his only reply as he sat back against the seat of the booth, absorbing this information.

“Are you saying you’ve never had sex that was subpar enough that cake would have been better?”

He pulled in a deep breath and looked to the ceiling briefly, and she could imagine him running through his mental file of sexual encounters. “I don’t think so, no.”

“Is it wrong that I feel compelled to kick you right now?” She asked, just a hint of playfulness in her voice.

He laughed.“I’m not saying that every single time was Oscar-worthy, but even the worst was still better than some flour and butter.”

“And they say male privilege isn’t real” she deadpanned as the waitress came by to present them with two coffees, cake, toast and a tray of sugar and cream. She mixed the accoutrements into her cup while Mulder sipped his black, followed by a bite of the cake, which looked like a basic white cake with some kind of custard and whipped cream on top.

“This is pretty good, though I can’t say it lives up to its name” he said around the food in his mouth, pushing the plate towards her and holding out the fork suggestively. She took it and stabbed a small bite, meeting Mulder’s eye as she pulled the tines from between her lips. It was good, as most cake is, but nothing to write home about.

“Well?” He asked expectantly.

“Well what? She returned, wiping her finger at the corners of her mouth.

“Is it better than sex?”

She paused before answering, knowing that Mulder was going to keep picking at this until it got uncomfortable. He liked to do that, to see how far he could get her to go before she blushed and demanded they change the subject. He took immense pleasure in making her squirm, and even more in getting her to reveal something personal that he normally wouldn’t be privy to. Sometimes, she had as much fun indulging him as he did in goading her. She wasn’t above sharing something that she knew would shock him, just so she could see the look on his face. She liked that she could still surprise him.

“Not better than all sex, but certainly better than some of the sex I’ve had, regrettably.”

“What would make sex so bad that cake is better? I must know.”

“I think you can use your imagination, Mulder.”

“Come on, Scully, you could be saving some poor woman from ‘worse than cake’ sex with me in the future. Consider it an act of charity.”

She shook her head at him, but couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at her lips.

“Your answer lies in that drawer full of tapes that aren’t yours, Mulder.”

“How’s that?”

“Let’s see, sex starts when the man presents his erection and ends when he ejaculates. The woman howls like an animal no matter what he’s doing, though her orgasm is never mentioned. There is no foreplay. Would you like me to continue?”

He swallowed a mouthful of coffee he’d been holding, afraid he might choke. He’d never heard her speak so openly about sex before, especially not sex she had personally experienced, and though he’d been the one who initiated the conversation he was suddenly afraid he was going to have to walk out of this diner trying to hide a bulge in his slacks.

“Fair enough, Scully, but porn isn’t real. It’s like an action movie. No one actually hangs off the skids of a helicopter mid-air, it’s just fun to watch.”

“I’m glad to hear that you’re aware of that, Mulder, and I would implore you to spread the news to the rest of the male populace.” She punctuated her statement with a loud crunch into her toast.

Mulder’s mouth fell open slightly as he studied her, trying to tell if she was joking or embellishing.

“People really do that? Have sex like they do in porn? Men you’ve slept with?”

She rolled her eyes. “Mulder, if you’re going to sit here and tell me that you have never done that, even as a young man, I’ll have to call BS.”

He put his hands up in defense. “I’m not saying I emerged from puberty as Don Juan, but I don’t recall ever not being invested in my partner’s experience. I’m sure my skills were lacking at the outset, but I always tried.”

She looked at him derisively from under her eyelashes. “Well then, you really should get out there more, Mulder. Share your gift with the world.” Her voice was laden with sarcasm.

He laughed and ran his hand over the back of his neck. “How am I coming out to be the bad guy, here Scully? I’m not the one who gave you a ‘worse than cake’ lay.”

She smiled at him but her tone remained facetious “of course not, you’ve demonstrated that your skills in this area are unparalleled.”

“Damn straight!” He said with a slap of his palm on the table, and they both erupted into laughter.

They held eye contact as the laughter subsided, awkwardness descending over the conversation. He had made reference to the two of them having sex, which was a topic he’d only made innuendo about, never mentioned directly. Trying to break the tension, Scully finally spoke.

“Well, I guess you can see why I don’t bother dating.”

“I guess I can” he replied, swiping the last crumbs of cake off the plate with his finger.

“Why don’t you date, Mulder?” His expression registered surprise. “Or do you? I don’t want to be presumptuous.” She felt a pit in her belly at the idea that he may actually have a secret love life.

“No” he spat out, chuckling a little. “No, I definitely don’t date. It’s just too complicated I guess. I’m kind of a serial monogamist anyway.”

“Really?” Now it was her turn to be surprised.

“Yeah, for the most part. I’ve had a couple flings, but the vast majority of the women I’ve slept with I was in a relationship with. The emotional aspect is important for me.”

She studied him, imagining a version of Mulder who would be so considerate and giving. She didn’t need to imagine it, really, she’d seen it. While he was capable of being selfish and obtuse, he had also been incredibly tender and caring with her on many occasions. He had certainly shown a proclivity towards chivalry; opening doors for her, walking closer to traffic on the sidewalk, helping her into her coat or holding an umbrella for her. The idea that such gestures would extend into the bedroom was logical, but it still set off a stirring in her belly. In what other ways might he be so attentive to her needs? She swallowed the last of her coffee and tried not to think about it. Maybe later, but not here. Not now.

“Well, I hate to state the obvious here, Scully, but I don’t think you’re going to happen across the guy that will give you a 5-star experience if you never put yourself out there.” As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to kick himself; why the fuck was he encouraging her sleeping with other people?

She smiled demurely and shrugged “for now I get my thrills from ghost busting and the occasional slice of really good cake.”

He bobbed his head and smiled back, pulling out his wallet and setting his bureau credit card on the tabletop.

In truth, she had already happened across that guy. He was sitting in front of her at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere. And while she hoped that she may enjoy that 5 star experience in the future, for now just being in his presence, laughing and seeking the answers to the mysteries of the universe together, that was better than sex.

[loversamongus]

Lovers Among Us - atla smau

masterlist / part 17 / part 18 / part 19

a/n: Zuko and Y/n’s conversation under the cut!

With both crutches under your arms, you made your way to the door and opened it. Sure enough, Zuko was standing there just as he said. You caught a quick glimpse of him leaning against the hallway wall with his arms folded, but he immediately straightened up when his eyes met yours. You felt your stomach drop a little and you had the sudden inclination to worm your way back inside the room where your friends sat still watching the movie. Surely, a man with razor hands and a decaying face who kills you in your nightmares is less frightening than this leap you’re about to take. Zuko must have felt your apprehension though because he held the door wide to help you through it and rested his hand on your shoulder to guide you across the threshold.

“You know, once I get a boot instead of these crutches, this will be a lot easier,” you said, more of an attempt to calm the hurricane of butterflies boarding up in your gut. “I could probably kick Sokka pretty hard with the boot, now that I think about it.”

Zuko didn’t respond; he only smiled. You would not have thought much about such a small smile, but recently everything about Zuko seemed to become a permanent fixture in your mind.

For the first time, you noticed just how small Zuko’s smiles actually were. So small, in fact, that if someone were not looking close enough, they may just assume his face was resting in his typical trademark scowl. How wrong they’d be though, you thought. They’d just be searching for his smiles in the wrong place. His real smile was in his eyes. There was a glow and warmth in his eyes. It was both inviting and comforting like a steady fire on a cold winter day. Zuko quirked an eyebrow, which you noticed immediately as you had just then registered that you had been staring at him through that entire internal monologue. Suddenly the carpeted hallway became very interesting. And the heat on your cheeks? Definitely from the temperature in the hallway. Or the strain of crutching around. Yep. That’s it completely.

You were quiet the rest of the walk to the car. You were quiet for the car ride to the Jasmine Dragon. While you said nothing, your decided to be quite the chatterbox. In addition to noticing and now appreciating all of Zuko’s little quirks, you also began to reflect on memories of your friendship with Zuko. You remembered when you first became friends with him and almost pulling an all nighter just texting each other. You remembered going to the farmer’s market with the gang, and splitting up to cover more group. Zuko stayed with you and carried all the fresh produce you picked out. For months the two of you kept up an inside joke about the man at the cabbage stand. You remembered how much you missed him when he went home to the Fire Nation one summer. You remembered the instant joy you felt when he came back early and being stricken with concern when he said he won’t be going back home for awhile. You remembered when Iroh was sick and had to be hospitalized for some time and Zuko called you at 3 in the morning just so completely lost. You remembered how you did the same thing when your grandmother was died. He rushed over to your room immediately and just hugged you until you felt something again. And you did feel something back then. But what, you didn’t know. So you pushed it aside and carried on.

The car door opened, jolting you out of your thoughts. You turned to see Zuko offering his hand. “We’re here,” he said, and you took his hand which guided you out of the car. He had already taken your crutches out from the backseat and handed them to you.

Silently, you thanked the heavens for giving you a best friend who has his own set of keys to his uncle’s tea shop. It was late and the Jasmine Dragon had closed hours ago. While you still wished Freddy Krueger would just come and kill you now, you were glad that you and Zuko would at least have some privacy. He gestured for you to take a table while he flipped on a few lights and shuffled to the back to brew up some tea. Of course, he returned after some agonizing, nervous foot-tapping moments later with your favorite blend.

“So,” he said.

“So,” you echoed.

“I’m sorry for walking out earlier.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

It was quiet for a moment and you desperately sought to find something interesting to fixate on other than Zuko thrumming his fingers on the table. The tea. The tea is nice. Good, although Zuko definitely added too much honey. You smiled though, knowing that despite his subpar tea making skills, he always remembers what you like. You could have been happy just sitting there, but Zuko broke the silence.

“What are we doing?”

“Well, I’m trying to stomach this overly sweetened tea. What are you doing?”

“Y/N…” This time Zuko’s eye did not smile at your attempt for lightheartedness. Try as you might, this was going to be a serious conversation.

“I don’t know, Zuko.”

“You have to know something,” he scoffed. Looking up, you caught him rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair so that he could cross his arms again.

“Don’t you scoff at me. You got us into this mess.”

“Me?” he asked incredulously. You could practically hear the yell he was biting back. An opening. He was frustrated. You could convince him that this wouldn’t work. That you’re better off as friends because your friendship has already survived fights and your stupidity. But anything more? What kind of stress could that put on the both of you? What if it created cracks in the foundation?

“Yes, you. If you hadn’t walked out and caused a scene, we’d be enjoying a movie night or killing Sokka again.”

“I just apologized for walking out!”

“And I said you have nothing to apologize for!”

“YOU JUST SAID I CAUSED A SCENE!” His voice rose and his hands fisted through his hair. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he tried again. This time his voice was much softer, gentler.

“Why are you pushing me away?”

A worthy counterattack. You could feel his tugging on your heart strings. But you are a fortress, you will not crumble. This is for the best of your friendship, you reminded yourself.

But then he looked up and you looked away quickly. He moved his head to try to recapture your attention.

“Y/N,” your name on his lips was almost a whisper, a prayer really. You hesitantly looked back at him. “Ask me when.”

“When what?”

“When I knew that I love you.”

You felt your eyebrows shoot up towards your hairline and your jaw slackened in shock. Immediately, that hurricane of butterflies roared again. In your stomach. In your heart. In your throat. Can a fortress withstand an army of thousands of butterflies?

“When?” Your voice was faint, but you heard the simple question fall from your lips.

“I don’t know,” he answered.

“Zuko!” you groaned and facepalmed. “Why would you have me ask you that then?!”

“Because it wasn’t just one moment,” his voice had not changed from that soft tone. “There were so many moments that made me realize I love you.”

You could only gulp down a couple butterflies before he continued in a passion of communication.

“The first time I heard you laugh. When I see you hug my uncle. When you cried snot on my shoulder after watching Coco. I can’t narrow it down to one moment. All I know is when I’m with you, since I’ve met you, I’ve been genuinely happy. Hell, I look forward to just sitting next to you in class—“

“Why?” you interrupted.

“Why do I like sitting next to you in class?”

“No. Why do you love me?” Your voice was so quiet that a pin dropping to the floor would make more noise.

“I don’t think I could pick one reason either.”

“Try. Please.”

He paused for a moment to think, to choose the right words. All through his thinking, his eyes never left yours.

“You know me,” he said finally. “You listen to me and… you care about what I have to say. You know what will make me smile or what to say when I’m upset, even if I don’t want to talk. You know what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking. I love the way you lo—“ he caught himself and looked down at the table. “I love the way you care about me.”

Silence invaded the Jasmine Dragon again. It settled for a while between the two of you and you digested Zuko’s words. He said you know him but you have absolutely no idea what to say next.

“Okay,” Zuko the silence breaker spoke again. “I did all my talking. It’s your turn now.”

“My turn?” It was your turn to ask incredulously.

“Yes, your turn.”

“I don’t have anything to say.” Zuko’s words may have collapsed an area of the fortress but you began rebuilding brick by brick.

“Bullshit,” he almost laughed, but there was no mirth in his voice. “You wouldn’t have come to the door if you didn’t have anything to say.”

“Zuko, I--” you began, only to get cut off again.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said seriously. “Actually, I still have my fifth rule to use. Rule #5 is Y/n has to be honest with me.”

“Really?” you deadpanned. “Of all the possibilities, that’s what you come up with?”

“If it gets us to have this conversation, then yes.”

It was quiet again. Avoiding his gaze again, you look down at the table. Now you were most definitely pushed up against your last wall. A white flag would have to be raised. You were only tried to think up the words for your declaration of love surrender.

“Zuko, I--” you tried again. “I’m afraid.”

“Of me?”

“No,” you had to laugh. “No, of course not. I’m afraid of losing you.” Your honesty suddenly gave you a second wind, quiet and shaken voice be gone. Now you were animated in your best attempt to express yourself. “What if, what if we don’t work out?” you pleaded for him to understand. “What if it doesn’t work and you stop loving me and we start to hate each other and then we don’t want to even be in the same room as each other and then our friends will have to take sides and then the whole group falls apart?”

Zuko took a moment to take in your plea. You could tell her was considering what would be the best response. “Do you think that would happen if Sokka and Suki break up?”

“I already told Suki I’m taking her side no matter what so....”

You both laughed, and seeing Zuko smile again relieved some of your nervousness. It was so easy to talk to him. So easy to be honest with him. 

“I guess it depends then,” Zuko started up the conversation again. “If you maybe... felt the same way about me.” A small smile formed on his lips again but this time there was hesitancy in his eyes. You felt the urge to start rebuilding the fortress again but you promised to follow Zuko’s fifth rule of honesty. There was no turning back.

“I do,” you replied surely and you made it a point to make eye contact with him. You noticed the hesitancy slip away and the warmth and glow of his eyes returned. 

“Then you’re not going to lose me. If it doesn’t work, then fine. I’m your best friend first and foremost and you are mine. But I love you. And I want to see where that takes us.”

It wasn’t the first time he said he loved you during this conversation but for the first time, you felt complete ease overwhelm you. As if this was exactly where you were meant to be. With the person you were meant to be with. Fear and insecurity had washed away.

“Okay,” you smiled. “I love you, too.”

a/n: lol more to come, but back to screenshots for part 19 :) hope you enjoyed!

taglist (open, just send me an ask!):

@astroninaaa @danny-devitowo @kangaroobunny @softt-shoto @theblueslytherin @aphrodites-perfume @duh-dobrik @hotgirlazula @royahllty @strayadotcom @someoneovertherainboww @goddessathenaofwar @grim-fantasia @oof-imsorry @fiantomartell @simpinforsukka @lozzybowe @bombardia @xbarrjallenx @moon-spirit-yue @kneecoal29 @akiris @ray-ofmoonlight @xxoperatexx @eyelash-curler @wh0re4zuko @rainyy-nights @avatarkorraswife @prplmps @stfukie @spiritvines @expelliamus @protect-remus @emeraldpotato @adorablepandasuniverse @missmorosis @mpolarisblack @strangeinternetwasteland @appa-gaangnam-style @paige-j13 @anywhore-life-is-a-mess @the-paintedlady @shortmexicangirl @sadnessrehab

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Review - Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

Spoilers!

Just watched this today - my first movie in a theatre since the start of the pandemic! - and I enjoyed it heartily. It’s in my upper-middle cadre of MCU movies - better than the majority of them, but not on as high a level as Captain America: The Winter Soldier (still my favourite), Black Panther, or Civil War.

I enjoyed the fight sequences, the acting was solid, and I loved Ta Lo. So often, when there’s a widden city hidden world like that, it’s treated as inherently isolationist, xenophobic, morally compromised, something that needs to have its fundamental nature destroyed and be incorporated in ‘our’ modern world. This movie doesn’t do that! Ta Lo is a genuinely good, valid place, carrying out an important mission, and it doesn’t need to be deeply morally compromised for Shangqi and Katy to want to live in our world. They like our world! It has karaoke! Likewise, I loved Shanqi and Xialing’s aunt, the way that they still had family that accepted them entirely.

And the visuals of Ta Lo are, in my opinion, gorgeous. I loved how otherworldly it felt (appropriately, since it is another world). I didn’t know most of the animals, but were the lion-beasts qilin? I was so glad the movie let the dragon live - I was certain it would die in battle against the shadow-monster, and was very happily surprised when it did not.

I liked Shanqi and Katy’s characters and relationship - their interactions were a major highlight of the movie - and their desire to live a life they enjoyed rather than chasing prestige, though I also liked the slightly deeper look we got at Katy’s motivations later on (if you don’t put too much of yourself into anything, you don’t have to deal with the risk and pain of failure) - though I found it a bit silly and cliché that she changed her whole outlook based on one motivational-poster-level line (“You miss 100% of the shors you don’t take!). In general, the dialogue was not a particular strength of this movie and didn’t do much to dig deeply into any of the characters - although Tony Leung’s delivery was exceptional and made the most of what he was given. That man has an amazing voice. It’s the same feel you get when you hear classically trained Shakespearean actors like Sir Patrick Stewart in an action movie.) (Proposal: convince Tony Leung to act in some Shakespeare productions. He’d be great.)

Notwithstanding his acting, though, I felt very little sympathy for Xu Wenwu. He spent a thousand years in conquest, stopped for maybe a decade because he fell in love (and just - stopped; didn’t show any indication of feeling remorse or wanting to make amends in any way or to use his exceptional powers to help people), and immediately after her death reverted to form and abused both his children. I did like Shanqi’s line - “Even if she was [behind the portal], what makes you think she’d want anything to do with you?” - and Wenwu’s fury in reaction, because it was completely true. Ying Li’s portrayal was weakened, despite her exceptional martial arts skill in the first scene of her encountering Wenwu, by her being portrayed solely in her capacity/roles as mother and wife, and her being so willing to set all else aside for the love of a man who, in the final analysis, was a shitheel. Having his soul devoured by a demon was a logical consequence of the choices he made.

We got fairly little of Xialing, but what we did give provided a good sense of her. I mentally nicknamed her ‘Azula’ in her first appearance (more skilled and driven than her older brother, and more ruthless and dangerous) and wasn’t at all surprised at her taking over the Ten Rings rather than disbanding it in the final scene. She said outright that if her father didn’t let her into his empire she’d create her own - her objections to it were based on being excluded, not on moral considerations - it fit her perfectly that she’d jump at the chance to turn it into something of her own.

I know a lot of people didn’t like Trevor, but I found him hilarious and enjoyed every scene he was in. He’s just so frankly, openly aware of what a flawed person he is.

On the whole, a very solid, enjoyable movie, with good acting, visuals, and fights; some good emotional connections; subpar dialogue in the serious scenes and a fairly shallow treatment of most of them; and a middling plot that didn’t offer any major surprises but that held together well enough. If you like the MCU, I recommend seeing this one in theatres.

I’m very interested to hear what other people thought of this one!

[s-krisna]

She's Crazy. But Crazy Good For Me (Most Times)!

She was the only person I thought of that evening.

Locked in a three-star hotel room, I was left alone to whimper and wallow. I was deathlike for quiet some time on the queen-sized bed. Emotionless. Yet all so suddenly, like fresh blood gushing off a wound, tears rushed down my face. My body shook uncontrollably at the misery that seemed to have only kicked in then and there. My hands and legs flailed in the air as if they were animated by some otherworldly force.

I swear I cried so much that if my tears were blood, room 327 would have been a crime scene.

In that moment, all I wanted to do was to nestle in the warm embrace of someone whose unconditional love and acceptance for my wacky, weirdo self radiate intensely, and endlessly.

For some, such warmth is reserved for their mothers, having blossomed through the years of unequivocal emotional intimacy. It was thus subpar, in that moment, that I didn’t have that same level of depth with my mother; I love her to death, but things have always been formal, rigid, and on the surface between us. (Good news: it’s getting better and sweeter!) Alas, the closest thing I have to a sliver of that movie-like motherhood is one from my oldest sister, Fitri.

That night, she was probably with her husband, in bed—it was a little over 10 p.m.—but I did not care. I just wanted to share about the pain brewing inside me. I gathered whatever life I had in me and called her. I felt OK, like, “I got this.”

The second she picked up though, the instant I heard her voice, I unravelled like a tightly-tied, picture-perfect, crazy-complicated bow that had been waiting for its release for years on end. It felt so good, even if it was fleeting.

I’m not sure whether it was that way because it was with her, but I couldn’t imagine a better response:

Without judgment, without saying “I hate to say I told you so,” without fear or force, without convincing me of a better tomorrow, she listened.

In her steady breathing, she was quiet. It was as if she was soaking herself in my tears, sensing my sorrow, and understanding my suffering.

It didn’t seem to matter to her how nonsensical I was over the phone, or how undecipherable my speech was.

She was just there, and in her being fully present, she validated all the turbulence happening inside me, and she empathized.

It was magical.

It also made me realize that she has been the most persistent validator in my life.

OK. Not sure if “validator” is the right word here, but she has been the strongest force in helping me nurture my—apparently—more promising traits, even if they seemed…eccentric.

Like, expressing myself through music.

In grade school, drives to school were boring, so I’d like to keep myself entertained by singing at the top of my lungs. Alas in this instance Fitri and I drove to school together, at the ripe ages of 25 and 11, respectively, she saw how emboldened I was by songs—I think The Pussycat Dolls was on at that time—and she told me, “You love music.”

There’s this transcendental relationship I have with songs and music, unlike anything else. It’s incredible how Fitri noticed that, and how over the years—due in large part to that ostensibly evanescent interaction 14 years ago—music became an integral part of my identity.

She was also the one who has always had confidence in my writing. At the chaotic yet innocent age of 14, I posted a piece on my blog about death. I forgot exactly how or what she said, but she commended it and praised my vulnerability for doing so.

I mean, your 14 years-old sister wrote about morbidity and not an ounce of anger? Crazy! But, crazy good for me!

It was also Fitri who encouraged me to take on journalism, and helped convince my parents that I wasn’t gonna become a nobody because of it. During the days my mother’s friends dissuaded her from supporting my academic/career choice, it was Fitri who told my mom that I would be OK. It was also Fitri who told my dad that my storytelling skills would be worth something.

Very recently, it was also Fitri who pointed out that I’m a creative at heart. “I’ve always seen you as someone who would create something for herself.” I heard of this from her about three years ago, at the rebellious age of 22.

I was like, “Right. Maybe. Not really.”

And yet now, at this confusing age of 25, accepting that I am a creative has helped me learn countless new truths about myself that make me feel more at peace.

And there were countless more lost in memory.

It hasn’t always been a breezy relationship. There were phases where we drifted apart. There were also times where being beside her or being inquired by her or doing just about anything with her was the last thing I wanted.

But whatever distance was created in the past and however many unsavory situations we found ourselves in, they all led Fitri and I to that fateful night, where despite her being ready for a good night sleep, she answered my call for help and welcomed my vulnerabilities.

It subsequently felt like we were coming into a new chapter or even type of sisterhood, one where I knew deep in the core of my being, that we were only going to get stronger.

That night, despite having officially lost the relationship I thought would last me beyond “till death do us part,” in that hourlong phone call with my sister, I instead had the honor and opportunity to fortify the prized, unbreakable bond of a sister

in arms,

in love,

in strife

—in life.

Happy birthday to my other mother, my sister, Fitri. Thank you for everything.

You told me once that I was, in fact, a quirky child. But you never once allowed me to feel resentful towards my oddity.

That has been, and will always be, one of the most incredible things about my life and character, and that is possible because of you.

This is an homage to you! Love for you is a crass understatement.

[urlology]

How Netflix Reinvented HR

https://hbr.org/2014/01/how-netflix-reinvented-hr

by

Patty McCord

From the January–February 2014 Issue

Sheryl Sandberg has called it one of the most important documents ever to come out of Silicon Valley. It’s been viewed more than 5 million times on the web. But when Reed Hastings and I (along with some colleagues) wrote a PowerPoint deck explaining how we shaped the culture and motivated performance at Netflix, where Hastings is CEO and I was chief talent officer from 1998 to 2012, we had no idea it would go viral. We realized that some of the talent management ideas we’d pioneered, such as the concept that workers should be allowed to take whatever vacation time they feel is appropriate, had been seen as a little crazy (at least until other companies started adopting them). But we were surprised that an unadorned set of 127 slides—no music, no animation—would become so influential.

Netflix culture slide deck

People find the Netflix approach to talent and culture compelling for a few reasons. The most obvious one is that Netflix has been really successful: During 2013 alone its stock more than tripled, it won three Emmy awards, and its U.S. subscriber base grew to nearly 29 million. All that aside, the approach is compelling because it derives from common sense. In this article I’ll go beyond the bullet points to describe five ideas that have defined the way Netflix attracts, retains, and manages talent. But first I’ll share two conversations I had with early employees, both of which helped shape our overall philosophy.

Crafting a Culture of Excellence

The first took place in late 2001. Netflix had been growing quickly: We’d reached about 120 employees and had been planning an IPO. But after the dot-com bubble burst and the 9/11 attacks occurred, things changed. It became clear that we needed to put the IPO on hold and lay off a third of our employees. It was brutal. Then, a bit unexpectedly, DVD players became the hot gift that Christmas. By early 2002 our DVD-by-mail subscription business was growing like crazy. Suddenly we had far more work to do, with 30% fewer employees.

One day I was talking with one of our best engineers, an employee I’ll call John. Before the layoffs, he’d managed three engineers, but now he was a one-man department working very long hours. I told John I hoped to hire some help for him soon. His response surprised me. “There’s no rush—I’m happier now,” he said. It turned out that the engineers we’d laid off weren’t spectacular—they were merely adequate. John realized that he’d spent too much time riding herd on them and fixing their mistakes. “I’ve learned that I’d rather work by myself than with subpar performers,” he said. His words echo in my mind whenever I describe the most basic element of Netflix’s talent philosophy: The best thing you can do for employees—a perk better than foosball or free sushi—is hire only “A” players to work alongside them. Excellent colleagues trump everything else.

The second conversation took place in 2002, a few months after our IPO. Laura, our bookkeeper, was bright, hardworking, and creative. She’d been very important to our early growth, having devised a system for accurately tracking movie rentals so that we could pay the correct royalties. But now, as a public company, we needed CPAs and other fully credentialed, deeply experienced accounting professionals—and Laura had only an associate’s degree from a community college. Despite her work ethic, her track record, and the fact that we all really liked her, her skills were no longer adequate. Some of us talked about jury-rigging a new role for her, but we decided that wouldn’t be right.

So I sat down with Laura and explained the situation—and said that in light of her spectacular service, we would give her a spectacular severance package. I’d braced myself for tears or histrionics, but Laura reacted well: She was sad to be leaving but recognized that the generous severance would let her regroup, retrain, and find a new career path. This incident helped us create the other vital element of our talent management philosophy: If we wanted only “A” players on our team, we had to be willing to let go of people whose skills no longer fit, no matter how valuable their contributions had once been. Out of fairness to such people—and, frankly, to help us overcome our discomfort with discharging them—we learned to offer rich severance packages.

With these two overarching principles in mind, we shaped our approach to talent using the five tenets below.

Hire, Reward, and Tolerate Only Fully Formed Adults

Over the years we learned that if we asked people to rely on logic and common sense instead of on formal policies, most of the time we would get better results, and at lower cost. If you’re careful to hire people who will put the company’s interests first, who understand and support the desire for a high-performance workplace, 97% of your employees will do the right thing. Most companies spend endless time and money writing and enforcing HR policies to deal with problems the other 3% might cause. Instead, we tried really hard to not hire those people, and we let them go if it turned out we’d made a hiring mistake.

Adultlike behavior means talking openly about issues with your boss, your colleagues, and your subordinates. It means recognizing that even in companies with reams of HR policies, those policies are frequently skirted as managers and their reports work out what makes sense on a case-by-case basis.

Let me offer two examples.

When Netflix launched, we had a standard paid-time-off policy: People got 10 vacation days, 10 holidays, and a few sick days. We used an honor system—employees kept track of the days they took off and let their managers know when they’d be out. After we went public, our auditors freaked. They said Sarbanes-Oxley mandated that we account for time off. We considered instituting a formal tracking system. But then Reed asked, “Are companies required to give time off? If not, can’t we just handle it informally and skip the accounting rigmarole?” I did some research and found that, indeed, no California law governed vacation time.

So instead of shifting to a formal system, we went in the opposite direction: Salaried employees were told to take whatever time they felt was appropriate. Bosses and employees were asked to work it out with one another. (Hourly workers in call centers and warehouses were given a more structured policy.) We did provide some guidance. If you worked in accounting or finance, you shouldn’t plan to be out during the beginning or the end of a quarter, because those were busy times. If you wanted 30 days off in a row, you needed to meet with HR. Senior leaders were urged to take vacations and to let people know about them—they were role models for the policy. (Most were happy to comply.) Some people worried about whether the system would be inconsistent—whether some bosses would allow tons of time off while others would be stingy. In general, I worried more about fairness than consistency, because the reality is that in any organization, the highest-performing and most valuable employees get more leeway.

The company’s expense policy is five words long: “Act in Netflix’s best interests.”

We also departed from a formal travel and expense policy and decided to simply require adultlike behavior there, too. The company’s expense policy is five words long: “Act in Netflix’s best interests.” In talking that through with employees, we said we expected them to spend company money frugally, as if it were their own. Eliminating a formal policy and forgoing expense account police shifted responsibility to frontline managers, where it belongs. It also reduced costs: Many large companies still use travel agents (and pay their fees) to book trips, as a way to enforce travel policies. They could save money by letting employees book their own trips online. Like most Netflix managers, I had to have conversations periodically with employees who ate at lavish restaurants (meals that would have been fine for sales or recruiting, but not for eating alone or with a Netflix colleague). We kept an eye on our IT guys, who were prone to buying a lot of gadgets. But overall we found that expense accounts are another area where if you create a clear expectation of responsible behavior, most employees will comply.

Tell the Truth About Performance

Many years ago we eliminated formal reviews. We had held them for a while but came to realize they didn’t make sense—they were too ritualistic and too infrequent. So we asked managers and employees to have conversations about performance as an organic part of their work. In many functions—sales, engineering, product development—it’s fairly obvious how well people are doing. (As companies develop better analytics to measure performance, this becomes even truer.) Building a bureaucracy and elaborate rituals around measuring performance usually doesn’t improve it.

Traditional corporate performance reviews are driven largely by fear of litigation. The theory is that if you want to get rid of someone, you need a paper trail documenting a history of poor achievement. At many companies, low performers are placed on “Performance Improvement Plans.” I detest PIPs. I think they’re fundamentally dishonest: They never accomplish what their name implies.

One Netflix manager requested a PIP for a quality assurance engineer named Maria, who had been hired to help develop our streaming service. The technology was new, and it was evolving very quickly. Maria’s job was to find bugs. She was fast, intuitive, and hardworking. But in time we figured out how to automate the QA tests. Maria didn’t like automation and wasn’t particularly good at it. Her new boss (brought in to create a world-class automation tools team) told me he wanted to start a PIP with her.

I replied, “Why bother? We know how this will play out. You’ll write up objectives and deliverables for her to achieve, which she can’t, because she lacks the skills. Every Wednesday you’ll take time away from your real work to discuss (and document) her shortcomings. You won’t sleep on Tuesday nights, because you’ll know it will be an awful meeting, and the same will be true for her. After a few weeks there will be tears. This will go on for three months. The entire team will know. And at the end you’ll fire her. None of this will make any sense to her, because for five years she’s been consistently rewarded for being great at her job—a job that basically doesn’t exist anymore. Tell me again how Netflix benefits?

“Instead, let’s just tell the truth: Technology has changed, the company has changed, and Maria’s skills no longer apply. This won’t be a surprise to her: She’s been in the trenches, watching the work around her shift. Give her a great severance package—which, when she signs the documents, will dramatically reduce (if not eliminate) the chance of a lawsuit.” In my experience, people can handle anything as long as they’re told the truth—and this proved to be the case with Maria.

When we stopped doing formal performance reviews, we instituted informal 360-degree reviews. We kept them fairly simple: People were asked to identify things that colleagues should stop, start, or continue. In the beginning we used an anonymous software system, but over time we shifted to signed feedback, and many teams held their 360s face-to-face.

HR people can’t believe that a company the size of Netflix doesn’t hold annual reviews. “Are you making this up just to upset us?” they ask. I’m not. If you talk simply and honestly about performance on a regular basis, you can get good results—probably better ones than a company that grades everyone on a five-point scale.

Managers Own the Job of Creating Great Teams

Discussing the military’s performance during the Iraq War, Donald Rumsfeld, the former defense secretary, once famously said, “You go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time.” When I talk to managers about creating great teams, I tell them to approach the process in exactly the opposite way.

In my consulting work, I ask managers to imagine a documentary about what their team is accomplishing six months from now. What specific results do they see? How is the work different from what the team is doing today? Next I ask them to think about the skills needed to make the images in the movie become reality. Nowhere in the early stages of the process do I advise them to think about the team they actually have. Only after they’ve done the work of envisioning the ideal outcome and the skill set necessary to achieve it should they analyze how well their existing team matches what they need.

If you’re in a fast-changing business environment, you’re probably looking at a lot of mismatches. In that case, you need to have honest conversations about letting some team members find a place where their skills are a better fit. You also need to recruit people with the right skills.

We faced the latter challenge at Netflix in a fairly dramatic way as we began to shift from DVDs by mail to a streaming service. We had to store massive volumes of files in the cloud and figure out how huge numbers of people could reliably access them. (By some estimates, up to a third of peak residential internet traffic in the U.S. comes from customers streaming Netflix movies.) So we needed to find people deeply experienced with cloud services who worked for companies that operate on a giant scale—companies like Amazon, eBay, Google, and Facebook, which aren’t the easiest places to hire someone away from.

Our compensation philosophy helped a lot. Most of its principles stem from ideals described earlier: Be honest, and treat people like adults. For instance, during my tenure Netflix didn’t pay performance bonuses, because we believed that they’re unnecessary if you hire the right people. If your employees are fully formed adults who put the company first, an annual bonus won’t make them work harder or smarter. We also believed in market-based pay and would tell employees that it was smart to interview with competitors when they had the chance, in order to get a good sense of the market rate for their talent. Many HR people dislike it when employees talk to recruiters, but I always told employees to take the call, ask how much, and send me the number—it’s valuable information.

In addition, we used equity compensation much differently from the way most companies do. Instead of larding stock options on top of a competitive salary, we let employees choose how much (if any) of their compensation would be in the form of equity. If employees wanted stock options, we reduced their salaries accordingly. We believed that they were sophisticated enough to understand the trade-offs, judge their personal tolerance for risk, and decide what was best for them and their families. We distributed options every month, at a slight discount from the market price. We had no vesting period—the options could be cashed in immediately. Most tech companies have a four-year vesting schedule and try to use options as “golden handcuffs” to aid retention, but we never thought that made sense. If you see a better opportunity elsewhere, you should be allowed to take what you’ve earned and leave. If you no longer want to work with us, we don’t want to hold you hostage.

We continually told managers that building a great team was their most important task. We didn’t measure them on whether they were excellent coaches or mentors or got their paperwork done on time. Great teams accomplish great work, and recruiting the right team was the top priority.

Leaders Own the Job of Creating the Company Culture

After I left Netflix and began consulting, I visited a hot start-up in San Francisco. It had 60 employees in an open loft-style office with a foosball table, two pool tables, and a kitchen, where a chef cooked lunch for the entire staff. As the CEO showed me around, he talked about creating a fun atmosphere. At one point I asked him what the most important value for his company was. He replied, “Efficiency.”

“OK,” I said. “Imagine that I work here, and it’s 2:58 PM. I’m playing an intense game of pool, and I’m winning. I estimate that I can finish the game in five minutes. We have a meeting at 3:00. Should I stay and win the game or cut it short for the meeting?”

“You should finish the game,” he insisted. I wasn’t surprised; like many tech start-ups, this was a casual place, where employees wore hoodies and brought pets to work, and that kind of casualness often extends to punctuality. “Wait a second,” I said. “You told me that efficiency is your most important cultural value. It’s not efficient to delay a meeting and keep coworkers waiting because of a pool game. Isn’t there a mismatch between the values you’re talking up and the behaviors you’re modeling and encouraging?”

When I advise leaders about molding a corporate culture, I tend to see three issues that need attention. This type of mismatch is one. It’s a particular problem at start-ups, where there’s a premium on casualness that can run counter to the high-performance ethos leaders want to create. I often sit in on company meetings to get a sense of how people operate. I frequently see CEOs who are clearly winging it. They lack a real agenda. They’re working from slides that were obviously put together an hour before or were recycled from the previous round of VC meetings. Workers notice these things, and if they see a leader who’s not fully prepared and who relies on charm, IQ, and improvisation, it affects how they perform, too. It’s a waste of time to articulate ideas about values and culture if you don’t model and reward behavior that aligns with those goals.

The second issue has to do with making sure employees understand the levers that drive the business. I recently visited a Texas start-up whose employees were mostly engineers in their twenties. “I bet half the people in this room have never read a P&L,” I said to the CFO. He replied, “It’s true—they’re not financially savvy or business savvy, and our biggest challenge is teaching them how the business works.” Even if you’ve hired people who want to perform well, you need to clearly communicate how the company makes money and what behaviors will drive its success. At Netflix, for instance, employees used to focus too heavily on subscriber growth, without much awareness that our expenses often ran ahead of it: We were spending huge amounts buying DVDs, setting up distribution centers, and ordering original programming, all before we’d collected a cent from our new subscribers. Our employees needed to learn that even though revenue was growing, managing expenses really mattered.

The third issue is something I call the split personality start-up. At tech companies this usually manifests itself as a schism between the engineers and the sales team, but it can take other forms. At Netflix, for instance, I sometimes had to remind people that there were big differences between the salaried professional staff at headquarters and the hourly workers in the call centers. At one point our finance team wanted to shift the whole company to direct-deposit paychecks, and I had to point out that some of our hourly workers didn’t have bank accounts. That’s a small example, but it speaks to a larger point: As leaders build a company culture, they need to be aware of subcultures that might require different management.

Good Talent Managers Think Like Businesspeople and Innovators First, and Like HR People Last

Throughout most of my career I’ve belonged to professional associations of human resources executives. Although I like the people in these groups personally, I often find myself disagreeing with them. Too many devote time to morale improvement initiatives. At some places entire teams focus on getting their firm onto lists of “Best Places to Work” (which, when you dig into the methodologies, are really based just on perks and benefits). At a recent conference I met someone from a company that had appointed a “chief happiness officer”—a concept that makes me slightly sick.

During 30 years in business I’ve never seen an HR initiative that improved morale. HR departments might throw parties and hand out T-shirts, but if the stock price is falling or the company’s products aren’t perceived as successful, the people at those parties will quietly complain—and they’ll use the T-shirts to wash their cars.

Instead of cheerleading, people in my profession should think of themselves as businesspeople. What’s good for the company? How do we communicate that to employees? How can we help every worker understand what we mean by high performance?

Here’s a simple test: If your company has a performance bonus plan, go up to a random employee and ask, “Do you know specifically what you should be doing right now to increase your bonus?” If he or she can’t answer, the HR team isn’t making things as clear as they need to be.

At Netflix I worked with colleagues who were changing the way people consume filmed entertainment, which is an incredibly innovative pursuit—yet when I started there, the expectation was that I would default to mimicking other companies’ best practices (many of them antiquated), which is how almost everyone seems to approach HR. I rejected those constraints. There’s no reason the HR team can’t be innovative too.

A version of this article appeared in the

January–February 2014

issue of Harvard Business Review.

[radioromantic-moved]

a study in semantics

(hey, does this look familiar? it should! because i fucked up and it got deleted for a little while. things are okay now)

i came up with the headcanon that frank calls me a ray of sunshine initially sarcastically before it evolves into an actual affectionate nickname. and yeah, that’s what this is.

word count: 1650

They say in the business world that first impressions are everything.

Nyx probably didn’t get the memo. Actually, they probably got the memo and promptly chose to purposefully ignore it. 

They show up to interview for a position at Toy Zone wearing all black, with a close-cropped mess of blond hair as the main splash of color in a wardrobe that would probably camouflage them in a dark room. The way they cross their arms over their chest and stare across the desk they’re sitting in front of, Frаnk feels vaguely like he’s the one being interviewed.

“Aren’t you a little ray of sunshine,” he mutters to himself.

They level a bright green stare at him. “Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying, I’m guessing ‘cheerful’ isn’t one of the reasons you’re going to list as to why I should hire you.”

“I’ll have you know, my close friends find me delightful.”

He can’t tell if they’re joking. They deliver everything in the same sort of dry, vaguely amused sounding tone, as if they’re watching a somewhat-interesting movie. 

“We have a uniform here, you know,” he says. “It might clash with your aesthetic a little.”

“Yeah, I kinda got that from what you’ve got going on.”

They gesture at his bright red polo, name tag dangling conspicuously from it. “I can handle the shirt,” they shrug, “as long as I can still wear this coat. I feel like I’d have a case to sue if you guys didn’t let me wear this coat.”

It is a cool coat.

“There isn’t anything in our rulebook about letting you wear a coat over the shirt. Just don’t let it cover your nametag. But back on track, we still have to figure out if we’re hiring you at all. Do you work well in a team?”

                                                      ---

 It’s been a few weeks. 

And yes, he hired them.

People aren’t exactly clamoring to work at Hatchetfield’s one toy store smack in the middle of a shopping mall, but he wasn’t going to tell them that. 

Supply and demand notwithstanding, Nyx is on the team now. They get along surprisingly well with Leх (actually, not that surprising. They seem to be someone who never grew out of their edgy teen phase anyway), and whenever they’re on break the two of them engage in spirited discussions about--

“No, I’m serious. You’ve got the vibe.”

“Dude, I’m a high school dropout. Aren’t they all, like, cheerleaders or prom queens or something?”

“What? No! Don’t you know your lore? In the real kitschy ones, cheerleaders and prom queens die first.”

Frаnk stops dead in his tracks. “What in the world are you two talking about?”

“Leх would be the final girl in a horror movie,” says Nyx. “She doesn’t believe me.”

“Have you met me?” protests the younger of the two cashiers. “I’d probably run right into the middle of some shitstorm of a situation and get myself decapitated or something because it was a panic response.”

Frank shrugs. “I’m with her on that one.”

Nyx scoffs. “You’re just petty because you’d be the first one to die, Frаnk. Actually, scratch that--” they stare at him for a few seconds with that weirdly intense gaze of theirs-- “second. Final response. You’d die second in a horror movie.”

“Man,” he says, shaking his head, “you really are a ray of sunshine, aren’t you?”

Leх pats Nyx on the back. “Damn straight.”

                                                       ---

bossdude: Can I ask you for a favor?

me: okay shoot

bossdude: Something came up. I’m not gonna be able to open on Sunday. You’re the oldest staff member I have, so consider yourself officially temporarily promoted.

me: whoa whoa whoa

dude 

you want ME to open

on SUNDAY

bossdude: It’s one day. You can handle it.

me: alright but don’t blame me if people are dissatisfied with my subpar customer service and lackluster welcoming skills

so dissatisfied that it translates into anger

and eventually a boycott

and eventually you won’t need to find sunday replacements

because our store will be only a fading memory  in the greater hatchetfield consciousness

why did you let me open on sunday?!? why?!?

bossdude: For the love of--

Always a ray of sunshine, aren’t you.

I’ll see if Leх or Alice can help out.

You type fast.

me: awwww, thanks

                                                      ---

Nyx groans, resting their head on the counter. “I did not get enough sleep last night. I’m dead tired.”

“Well, you better snap out of it,” he says. “We’re already down one pair of hands today because you insisted you’d work overtime if Leх took the day off to watch her sister.”

Nyx lifts their head. “Of course I did. Her sister’s got a fever. I may be weird and creepy and kind of mean sometimes, but I’m not a monster. Workers have to assist one another when the corporate millstone attempts to grind away our humanity.”

“Still a ray of sunshine, I see.” He sets down two coffee cups next to them on the counter. “Maybe this’ll help wake you up. I went across the street before you came in and picked them up. The one on the left’s yours.”

 They take a tentative sip. “Hey, a white chocolate mocha. How’d you know?”

“You were talking about getting one after work last week. I remember it since it seemed like a weird order for you--you know, with your everything.”

Nyx grins. It’s a small one, but somehow, it seems to light up the whole store. “What? I think it’s a perfectly reasonable drink for a ray of sunshine such as myself.”

With that smile, he thinks, they could almost live up to that nickname for real. 

He doesn’t say that out loud.

“Oh, and, um, thanks. For the drink, I mean. It was surprisingly generous of you.”

“No problem.”

                                                      ---

“Now that was what I call a successful day.” Frаnk places a hand over his heart in faux-affection. “I love rich kids’ birthdays.”

Nyx looks up from rearranging the cash register. “Little Jonathan is sure gonna be occupied for...uh, maybe two days, before he gets bored and starts asking for more stuff.”

“Nice to see you’re as much of a ray of sunshine as ever,” he says, and there’s something suspiciously like fondness tinging his voice.

“Well, it’s not that I’m not grateful for the bonus.” They slide the cash register shut. “I can finally treat myself to a ticket to that alien invasion movie I’ve been wanting to see.”

“Aliens. Why am I not surprised?”

“Oh, and I’m sure your taste in movies is so highbrow.”

“I never said that. I like alien movies. You know, I was also planning to go see that at some point. And, you know, I guess today is as good a day as any.”

He didn’t think that. He has no idea why he said that.

They raise their eyebrows. “Are you asking me on a date?”

WHAT.

“What?! No, I was just, you know, bringing up the fact that I like alien movies and I might see that one on my own time. Maybe today, maybe some other day--still vague. Still working out the details. You know how it is.”

“Ah. Now everything is much clearer,” deadpans Nyx.

“But you know, and I’m speaking from a business perspective here--seeing as we both want to see the same movie, and we both have free time and the means to see it today, it would be convenient for both of us if we...in a strictly platonic sense, here--if we saw it...together? Assuming we’d be paying for our own refreshments.”

“Well, how can I say no to such a captivating offer?” says Nyx with a shrug. “You’re paying for your own ticket, too, though.”

“Aww. Can I suggest--?”

“You cannot.”

                                                      ---

Frаnk enters the supply closet and confirms a long standing hypothesis of his. 

“If it weren’t for the hair, I wouldn’t have known you were in here.”

“The dark is my natural habitat. One day I will return there for good,” says Nyx without turning around.

“Sometimes I think you’re just screwing with me.”

“Yeah, that one was a joke,” they admit. They swivel around to face him. They’re sitting on a box. 

“Any particular reason why you’re in here and not, you know, doing your job?”

“Mrs. Monroe’s in again--she wanted me to check the back for one of those dinosaur puzzles. The longer I’m in here, the more time she thinks I’m dedicating to her request. And I just needed to take a breather.”

“I could issue a write up for that, you know.”

“Well, I could be looking for a puzzle and be taking a breather at the same time.”

“We don’t have any of those puzzles.”

They place a hand on their cheek in mock-surprise. “Oh, really? I wonder what I was taking so long for! I was sure a sold-out item would magically appear in the back once she asked about it!”

“I see you’re a ray of sunshine as usual today.”

They scoff. “Oh, you could have used that earlier. A single sarcastic comment is a waste of ‘ray of sunshine’ compared to the ‘I will return to the dark’ thing.”

“Didn’t you say that was a joke?”

“Well, yeah, but a purposeful one. I gave you the setup and everything. C’mon.”

“I’ll--I’ll do better next time?”

“Oh, how the tables have turned,” Nyx remarks.

                                                      ---

He calls Leх a ray of sunshine once and never again. 

It feels wrong coming out and only more wrong when Leх looks at him sideways. “Don’t call me that. It feels creepy.”

“Yeah, I’m...not doing that again.”

“You’re lucky Nyx wasn’t here to hear that,” says Leх as she organizes stuffed animals. “Might have made the whole thing lose its meaning.”

“What--there’s no meaning to it, and it’s not a whole thing.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” says Leх with a rare smile.

It’s more of a smirk, really. 

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

I watched Dreamworks’ Puss in Boots not long after it came out. I was 11 at the time. And I didn’t think it was very good. In fact, I found it to be extremely boring and kind of a waste of time.

A few months ago, I learned that it had 84% on Rotten Tomatoes, same as Shrek 1*. This baffled me. Because Shrek’s really good but I found Puss in Boots really bad.

But also, I was 11. So my critical judgement skills were hot garbage.

So today, almost 7 years later, I watched Puss in Boots again. And I still don’t see why its score is anything above 40%.

The highlights of the film are Puss himself and the animation. Puss was definitely good enough to carry his own film, and while I think he could have been done better in this film, he was still quite a joy to follow. I won’t deny that I might like him in this film more than I should out of bias, but can you even blame me? Puss is fuckin sick in Shrek 2. As for the animation, well, it just looks really good. Only real problem is that Humpty is uncomfortable to look at, but that comes down to character design rather than animation, so it’s all good.

Everything else though, it’s all just kinda meh. The actual plot is okay in concept and okay in execution (pacing’s pretty good), but it starts to fall apart as soon as you look at all of the not-even-much-smaller details. For example:

San Ricardo and its inhabitants are impossible to care for. The only one who even has a bit of a “personality” is the orphanage lady, but she’s as tropey as they come.

Kitty Softpaws doesn’t even have character and is just there for a love interest. They have her do her whole “I have no claws!” thing and she later gives us her very short backstory, but neither of these facts actually mean anything or are relevant to her character as she appears now.

Humpty’s not necessarily horrible, but his arc is that he’s not a cunt, but then he’s a cunt, but then he’s not a cunt, but then he’s a cunt, but then he’s not a cunt. The dynamic between him and Puss is somewhat interesting, but Puss growing to trust him again is done way too quickly with no actual build up.

Jack and Jill have no motive and no reason to betray Humpty at the end other than they’re dicks.

Jack - the beanstalk one – would have worked as a fun little cameo of sorts. And he kind of is that? But more than that he’s there to dispense unnecessary exposition that we learn later anyway. Rather than showing, not telling, we’re told and later shown. He just feels like a discount Merlin from Shrek 3.

Most of the comedy falls flat, too. I can only remember one joke, in fact, and it’s because it’s constantly repeated. Kitty will steal a thing without anyone noticing and then give them that thing, shocking them because they didn’t even see it get stolen. I’m not going to shit on this movie for being unrealistic, but this is just weird and unbelievable. Is Kitty just fuckin massively FTL++? There are other jokes in a similar vein, too. Guard pops up and is 50 feet away from Puss and Kitty, but without either of them even moving they’ve cut the guard’s belt and now his trousers fall down. The thing about this joke is that there’s no build up ever and the punchline is jarring. They run it into the ground when it’s not even a good joke in the first place, what makes them think they could turn it into a running joke?

All in all, this film’s not really that great imo. Puss is pretty good, but he’s not good enough to excuse how subpar everything else is sans animation. Nothing’s egregiously bad or anything, but it’s all just painfully mediocre. Even though I’ve said before I don’t like giving number ratings, I give this film a 4/10. Honestly, I think Shrek 3 is better. And you can probably make a case for Shrek 4 being better as well.

* As of god knows when, Shrek 1’s actually been pushed up to 88% - the same as Shrek 2. I’m fine with them having the same score because I can’t choose between them.

[manjisubs]

Yo-kai Watch Episode 133 Subs

Something something fellow kids Get this episode on nyaa! Softsub, hardsub. Hey guys, are you ready for Story Time With Kirb(TM)? Here goes! Komarly Hills 90210 (title in reference to Beverly Hills 90210, a show that is completely inappropriate for this anime’s target demographic) is our new running segment for the next 8 episodes, and it’s my absolute favorite side segment out of the whole bunch. It’s awfully cheesy in the best way possible, the KK Bros are way too adorable, and my favorite Yo-kai gets owned 8 times in a row! Can’t get any better than that. I loved this segment so much, in fact, that a long, long time ago (and by a long, long time ago I mean like a little over a year ago) I actually decided to translate the entire thing mostly just for personal reference, and that turned into “hey why don’t I splice all the eps together and figure out how to sub them?”, and then that eventually turned into me making “Komarly Hills the Movie” and releasing it to a few friends. Except my skills back then were subpar and the translation was horrible so that little project is going in the Disney Vault for the rest of my life. But that did indeed get me to learn Aegisub and buckle down hard on the Japanese studying, and a month or so after it was all said and done a friend who’d known about the Komarly Hills thing directed me towards who would become my partner from the old NyoroZoku group...and the rest is history! So tl;dr, this segment’s the only reason I’m here subbing in the first place, so you ought to thank Jinmen Dog for everything. And boy, is it going to be cathartic revisiting Komarly Hills now that I actually know what the hell I’m doing. This has been Story Time With Kirb(TM)...wait, you mean other things besides Komarly Hills happened in this episode?! Oh... Two (three?) new Yo-kai this episode once again. The first are the KK Brothers (known separately as K-Koma and K-Jiro), whose names are...uh...the Komabros’...but cooler...? Yeah there’s not any actual wordplay going on here so moving right along. The other new Yo-kai is Kangaeroo, a pun on kangaeru (考える), a verb that has so many meanings that I’m just gonna link you to its dictionary definition because I’m too lazy to list them out. In the context of this episode, though, it’s used as “to ponder,” “to anticipate,” or just plain old “to think about”. I’ve been pretty good at keeping a schedule, huh? This marks the 4th weekly release in a row! Watch that change now that I’ve said that... Credits: Myself: Translation, timing, and typesetting @noroinohanak0: QC/final editing, encoding, and distribution  

[theauctores]

my writing journey

At Age 7…

I first got enticed by creative writing. It was during class, when we were assigned by our teacher to read the stories in our English book. For some reason, the more I read the stories, the more I felt captivated and felt like writing was fun. I enjoyed reading the buildup of the story and especially the conflicts, but the moral lessons are what enticed me. Something inside me begged me to start writing after reading these stories in my school books, urging me to pursue my career in being a children’s book author. The stories probably captured my interest because of how simple and cute in a way it is. So, when I got home, I went on my computer and started typing away. I would make drawings to accompany my stories like how they did in storybooks, and spend hours making stories. Of course, there were so many grammatical errors but I enjoyed making them. The stories I made back then were very similar to the ones in my storybooks. They’re usually short, just a few pages long, and ends with a moral lesson.

At Age 10...

When I was seven, I was enticed by storybooks with moral lessons, however when I was 10, I was enticed by anime and manga. I had crushes on so many fictional characters at this age, and to indulge in my fantasies I’d draw drawings and write fanfictions of me and my favorite characters. It was during this time that I drew the most because there were so many stories, I’d come up with for me and my favorite characters. Because I was given a laptop during this time, I was very active in writing. On my spare time, I’d drift off to the fantasy world and create stories where my favorite characters would save me from the antagonist and we would begin our journey to romance. It was very cringey now that I look back to it, but I genuinely had fun selfinserting myself in the universe where my favorite characters live. Unfortunately, after this would be the start of my downfall towards creative writing.

At Age 13…

I was finally in junior high school. I thought high school would be fun, but those comedy movies and shows about high school tricked me. High school ate my creativity away with how busy it was. Everyday there would be a requirement, and it was nothing like elementary school. I had no more time to write even though I really wanted to. I just focused on drawing instead because that’s the best skill I have, writing is just second. Although my art improved a lot, my writing skills degraded. As time went on, I started forgetting words and my grammar worsened. You see, my mother tongue is English, and creative writing encouraged me to continue speaking the language despite living in the Philippines. But with how I couldn’t write anymore due to schoolwork, I started speaking Tagalog more instead of English, and I felt like my grammar at both Tagalog and English were bad as a result. 

At Age 15…

It was the worst memory of my life. I moved to another school. It was 9th grade, and everybody was friends with each other. I didn’t know how to approach anyone because nobody tried approaching me. Everybody had their own circle of friends already, so I kept to myself until one day somebody would approach me. But that’s when the bullying started. My skills, all of them, my writing and drawing, they would ridicule them. Passive aggressively, they’d ask if they could read my writing, or look at my art, then after a minute they would scoff and hand it over me without saying anything. They’d just roll their eyes, judging me. At first, I was only offended and didn’t mind, but they started being more direct and kept joking that I should quit writing and art. Nobody was there to defend me or encourage me, the teachers didn’t care either. They would gang up on me and make fun of me, and gradually my mental health deteriorated. I would selfharm, and eventually escalated to attempting suicide. My family found out of course, and talked to my bullies’ families. But I had to attend a psychiatrist every week, and it just made me question why everything went wrong and if I deserved it. I didn’t draw nor write for a while after that. I moved to another school immediately after finishing 9 th grade, I didn’t bother saying goodbye to my classmates.

At Age 17…

I moved to Holy Angel University at sixteen on 10th grade. When I was seventeen, I was in 11th grade in the HUMSS strand. There was a Literature subject, and because of my trauma from 9th grade, I gave the subject little to no effort. However, my Literature teacher one day talked to me out of nowhere while the class was reading the lesson on the book. He told me I make good stories even when the grammar is subpar, which caught me by surprise because I didn’t give the activities any effort. Every time I passed a writing activity, he would make a comment on it and critique it, make jokes about it, but always end it with “You’d make for a great writer though!”. I don’t know if he said this because he felt obliged to as a teacher, but it made me really happy because its been years since somebody genuinely complimented my writing. Afterwards, I’d incorporate my interests into my writing for his activities. I would include eldritch monsters and fictional characters, I would make references to several authors like H.P. Lovecraft, and my teacher would always get the references and joke around it with me. Naturally, he became my favorite teacher and felt more like a father figure to me. I started enjoying writing more after that, although not as much as when I was younger, but at least I didn’t feel bad whenever I wrote like how I did back then before meeting my teacher.

At Age 18…

I was recruited to be an artist for a famous webtoon writer, Merryweathery! I happily obliged, and now it became a job of mine. I wrote comics for his stories, and he would ask me for story ideas and I’d pitch my ideas to him. It was a very fun job and it paid a lot too. When I think about how my classmates from 9th grade bullied me because of my drawing style, I feel better about myself because I can show them that they’re wrong now. Just because I draw anime doesn’t mean I failed as an artist, if ever it pays me a lot now. I’m thoroughly enjoy what I’m doing and I’ve been improving my art ever since. My bullies found out about my success and feel envious about it, according to my sole friend from that school. No matter how much hardships I faced, I’m here now at a young age. I can support myself and my family, and I couldn’t ask for more. I’m happy with my life right now.

[slingerwitch-blog]

My coolass dad

So I don’t normally talk about my dad because of a crapton of reasons, but I was telling @araxiemartinrenault this story. So, there’s one thing you need to know about my dad, and one thing that needs to be incredibly clear for this. My dad is cool. Like, comedically cool. As in, if he were in an anime and were the main character’s dad, this would work. This would be something an anime would do. Both of my parents are anime parents actually, but that’s a story for another time. 

So, my dad was working at a local imports store at the time, mostly martial arts, but there was some anime stuff. I’m there because we’re getting stuff to sell at a con. This man who’s anywhere between 25 and 30 walks in and starts talking to my dad like they’re friends, and then my dad goes in the back room after introducing me. So, the man starts talking to me, and the thing he starts talking about is my dad. Like, he’s ranting about how cool my dad is. Literally he used the phrase “I’m your dad’s biggest fan.” And if you can’t tell by the fact that I’m not rich, my dad’s not famous. And he’s going on and on about how he buys the same clothes as my dad and paid a lot of money to have the same type of pants like my dad wears and buys the same knives that my dad carries around. He talks about how much he admires my dad and wants to be just like him. And I’m just sitting here like, “Uhhhhhh...  What?” Honestly, it was legitimately a fucking scene from a slice of life anime, but like. It was weird. 

Because like, the thing about my dad is, like not only is he not famous, he’s a burnout. Like the biggest burnout you can possibly imagine. Used to be a skater but doesn’t skate now because of an accident, is in a relationship that he’s not happy in, and really all my dad really does, all he really and truly does is sit around, smoke pot, play video games, and watch movies. I mean, sure my dad knows a little martial arts, and he taught me how to fight and this is knowledge I’ve actually had to use, but generally he just sits around and plays video games and watches anime while high as hell. And somehow, this motherfucker has a fan. And I’m not exaggerating. The man literally used the word fan. Like, what’d he admire? How much pot my dad smoked? How unhappy my dad is generally with his life? That his wife is probably cheating on him? That he hardly has any fucking money? That he doesn’t really have any kind of skills of any kind? Like, I guess he can make a pretty good chimichanga? Actually, really good. Like, realistically, for a middle aged white man of his age bracket, his life is kinda subpar. But I think telling you guys this story, I figured out what he admired. And I think actually maybe it’s something that should be admired. Because even though my dad’s an asshole, even though his life is ass, my dad is still the person he always wanted to be. He hasn’t let society change him. He hasn’t let society make him not that skater punk that he was when he was my age, and he’s not gonna. He’s not gonna until the day he dies. And maybe, just maybe, that man was hoping that when he got to be fortysomething, he’d still be cool. And maybe would have a better life than my dad. Which is kind of my goal. The still being cool part of course, not the shitty life part. 

Or maybe he just wanted to fuck my dad.

[monster-teeth]

I

okay in response to my recent lack of notes on art ive been doing

it’s just like i guess i don’t know why i expect people onhere to like me or my art when people don’t tend to be big fans of those things in real life either

but im a horribly mentally ill depressed person who needs dopamine to survive so like

it feels good when people like the stuff you make

it makes you want to make more stuff

i feel like that’s a universal concept, but of course maybe not for everyone how would i know

i think maybe i had a slight uptick like a month or so ago when i got a couple of notes on things and that feels good

but that’s not there anymore

and im trying to do fanart because nobody likes the stuff i make for myself,

i don’t even like the stuff i make for myself!

it’s not perfect

i want it to be perfect, i know that doesn’t exist and i had thought i had gotten over that and im still working on getting over that

and my arms hurt all the time now im pretty damn sure im getting carpal tunnel or tendonitus or whatever

im trying to do stretches and stuff

keep my entire forearm on the table

make sure nothings cutting into my tendons

you the j k keys and the arrows when i can so the stolling doesn’t fuck me up

but people aren’t even liking my fanart

and i admit it’s shitty

and i feel like other people’s unpolished things look 5000 times better than my polished stuff

and i feel like im always going to be a mediocre artist

like i was never one of those talented kids who was just god at art

I am not good at art

I am not talented

Im skilled

I’ve working and worked and worked to get where i am and im never going to be able to catch up with other people

and it just makes me so upset because this is the one thing that i am arguably good at but im not even good at this

im just so tired of being mediocre and subpar

everybody else just pumps out content all the time

makes stuff so quickly

and it takes me forever

and i wonder if i even start working on my personal comic stuff will people even care

and plus it shouldn’t even be a comic

it should be an animated series or something

but it’s me

this thing that im making is me

I can’t voice actors or a company or other people involved because it is me

it can not be made the way it should be made because i am not capable of even half the things that go into making something like that.

but i don’t think in comics format either

i think like a movie

i’ve realized other people’s stuff isn’t perfect either

that comforts me

but it’s not enough

it’s just

it’s not enough

[game-refraction]

Game Review: Marvel Heroes - Omega (Xbox One)

Marvel Heroes: Omega is the console version of Marvel Heroes, a PC isometric MMO in the style of the Marvel Alliance franchise. Whereas Marvel Heroes on the PC has changed much over the course of the past 4 years, with various updates to its content and increasing character roster, Marvel Heroes: Omega has finally released on PlayStation 4 and Xbox One with just over half of the characters already available on PC, and a completely revamped crafting system. The game, unfortunately, suffers from a multitude of technical problems and a framerate that borders on almost unplayable throughout several sections of the game, but despite these issues, Marvel Heroes: Omega is a blast to play solo or with a group of friends.

Gazillion has crafted a free-to-play game that it not shy about making you aware that much of what you want is behind a steep paywall, with even breakout character Spider-Gwen as a random Spider-man alternate costume variant. Characters will run you anywhere from around $5 for a less popular character to $10 to $15 for the more standout characters like Deadpool or Rocket Raccoon, with a few characters exclusive to certain bundles. These bundles do make it somewhat cheaper per character, but when you charge $60 for a 6-person Avengers team or $40 for 2 members of the Guardians of the Galaxy, and their movie skins, it starts to get rather ridiculous, and that’s not even talking about the premium currency bundles that peak at the $100 mark.

The game does offer the ability to earn the currency needed to unlock new characters, but unlike the PC version, you can’t craft the alternative costumes and the ones here in Omega are via the pay model only. You can spend real money and earn characters with “G” dollars, or through Eternity Splinters, which are drip-fed in-game like a fully functional faucet, which is to say; they are somewhat rare. A cheap character like Majik is 500 Eternity Splinters and throughout my 16 hours with the game, I have only earned 208 out of the 500 I need to unlock her, and I was very thorough in my hacking and slashing. To own each and every character will either take thousands of hours within the game or hundreds of real-life dollars when you take in account all the extra costumes as well.

The same goes for purchasing costumes with Marvelous Essence, a currency that is given at random via the loot boxes that you pay for with real money. I opened 7 boxes and gained 63 of the 140 I needed for Spider-Gwen. 2 boxes were via the $20 Spider-Man pack, which came with the Homecoming movie outfits, as well as the default Spider-man character, and a 5 pack of Spider-Man themed loot boxes that ‘may’ contain the Spider-Gwen variant. Spoilers; they didn’t, but I did nab the Black Spider-Man costume in the process.

While you can test drive any character up until level 10, you’ll eventually have to make a choice and spend your initial 225 Eternity Splinters on a character that you may not even want, as many characters require a bit more than that to unlock. With my limited funds, I unlocked Angela, as I am a huge fan of the character and was pleased as punch to see her make her Marvel Comics debut just a short few years ago. Currently, the man without fear, Daredevil, is free on both the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 online stores. It’s expected that sometime in the near future we will see all the remaining characters from the PC version make their console debut, more than likely in very costly bundles.

Free-to-play shenanigans aside, how does Marvel Heroes: Omega play? Really fun, but with several caveats that I’ll get into later. If you’ve played any isometric hack and slash games like the Marvel titles it is trying to emulate or even a game like Diablo 3, then you’re going to feel right at home here. Your face buttons are your skill attacks and by holding the left trigger, you’ll gain access to four more. These skills are unlocked at set levels that you’ll work your way up to by earning experience and leveling up. There are booster items that you can use to give that leveling a much-needed kick in the pants should you want to skip most of the grind.

Some skills can be used back to back whereas many have a cooldown that requires you to wait a short while before you can use it again. As you defeat enemies and bosses, or by completing certain quests, you will earn loot. These are weapons, helmet’s, boots, rings, and a wide range of relics, artifacts, and medallions, all that grant stat boosts to a set variety of perks. The loot problem with Marvel Heroes: Omega, and even just that of regular Marvel Heroes, is that with so many people running around as the same character, none of this gear physically changes the appearance of your character, meaning that my level 60 Angela will look identical to that of a level 4 version. I strongly feel that this is a huge letdown in respects to making that character actually mean something to you when you’ve spent dozens, if not hundreds, of hours with them.

The gear you earn by defeating enemies requires you to pop into your inventory to even check it out, meaning that you’ll need to stop moving around, find somewhere safe, and then check out what you got. This disrupts the fast paced nature of its combat and feels like a step back in game design rather than one forward. I often wouldn’t even check my spoils until my bag was full, which happened often since your ‘free’ space is extremely minimal and I didn’t feel like spending real money to boost my storage space. Thankfully, you can teleport to your headquarters to sell your goods with a tap of a button and then right back to where you were, and if you are quick about it, several of the items left on the ground may even remain there when you get back.

Characters range from being a bit more close combat to ranged attackers using gunfire or optic blasts. Most characters have a bit of both and there really isn’t a poor character across the whole roster. There are a few characters that I never saw running around, but that’s more likely due to the popularity of some of them. Gazillion also didn’t want to renew the license for the Fantastic Four, so Johnny, Ben, Sue, and Reed are nowhere to be found. In fact, there is a Marvel Heroes Museum in the game that has a blank section that used to feature the Fantastic family.

The story in the game is penned by Brian Michael Bendis and normally I adore his work, but the story here is so painfully mediocre that it seems very much as if they had the majority of the game built and then needed some loose narrative to string it all together. The story follows the events of Doctor Doom gaining control of the Cosmic Cube and then utilizing its powers to take over the world. The problem, apart from the awful dialogue and the story itself, is that the game lacks any real sense of presentation. Most of the story is told through voiceovers or animated cutscenes that are static images that feature some movement to small details or the camera just moves around on a single image. The cutscenes suffer from some really bad horizontal tearing that occurs quite frequently and several of my cutscenes were playing in multiple languages. I also have to point out that the art used in the cutscenes is wildly inconsistent in its quality and felt extremely subpar considering you literally have some of the best comic book artists in the world working for Marvel right now.

Overall, the story took me around 15 hours and the last chapter of the game felt tacked on. The final encounter to both Doom and the last chapter boss were far better fights than anything else in the game and I felt as if several of the boss fights throughout the game would have benefitted from this level of variety. Regardless of it being Venom, Juggernaut, or Living Laser, the bosses felt like the same encounters over and over again, and often I simply used the same tactics from one boss to the next. There are small changes to certain encounters like Bullseye, where the game will require to you hide behind cover, but other than that; rinse, recycle, repeat.

The boss encounters when playing with other players is a sight to behold, but not for the right reasons. Take a look at the above screenshot and tell me if you can even see the boss we are fighting, let alone my character. While the game is flashy and some of the attacks are wonderfully animated, when you have several characters wailing away on a single enemy, it can get so hectic and so chaotic that it can be hard to tell what is even going on. This can also lead to several areas of the game where the framerate will drop to maybe 10 or 15 fps, and this is especially apparent in Asgard as the fields are just filled with so many enemies that the game just barely chugs along. I’ve had the game crash when it got really bad, but that only happened two or three times. One of those times was after I had finally defeated Doctor Doom and as I was about to pick up my rewards, the game crashed. Thankfully, those items were still there when I loaded the game back up.

I also had a weird glitch when I was on the hunt for MODOK. As you enter the facility where MODOK is waiting for you, you have to destroy a few objects around the level as well as take on three villains that lay in wait for you. I missed one item but eventually found MODOK at the end of a long hallway. I killed MODOK and my objective marker did not update. The portal to HQ was there and when I entered it, my objective marker still indicated that I needed to defeat MODOK. I looked online for a fix to this and discovered that if you swap characters and then back, it will refresh that mission and thankfully, it worked.

The game will take you to a fairly impressive amount of Marvel staple locations; Hell’s Kitchen, Asgard, Midtown, and even to the Savage Land. While these locations are incredibly vast, each holding a variety of secrets areas and NPC’s to interact with, much of them suffer from severe cases of cut and paste. The city levels, for example, will have the same grocery store a block over, or the same park literally a short walk away. While it’s nice to have large and widespread levels, these feel a bit too artificial and lack variety.

Upon hitting level 60, which I seemed to have timed out perfectly upon completing the story, unlocked a few things privy to that level. Ultimate attacks, which are more powerful abilities that have a fairly lengthy cooldown will be added to your move list to unleash when things get dire. You also unlock Infinity stones, which are different groups of stat based categories that allow you to pick and choose certain stat upgrades to your character. You can also prestige your character which will see power and talents reset, but you will retain your Ultimate attack upgrades and Infinity points. You’ll also lose all items that cannot be used by level 1 characters. If you plan on getting a character to the best it can get, this transition is crucial.

Once you’ve completed the main story then you’ll be grinding out various activities on your journey to collect the best gear available for your character. You’ll gain access to Operations; small bite-sized missions that you can complete alone or with a group. Patrols, at least the ones that I did, almost felt like a boss hunt mode where a group of us toured midtown in search of timed released boss encounters. There are also Trials, which are tests of strength against hordes of various enemies that will unlock harder difficulties that allow you access to better grades of gear. There are also Danger Room missions that are short experiences that are fairly fun with a group. While these modes can offer a decent amount of fun, they feel very small in the grand scheme of things for content to do after you’ve already pushed through the story. Revisiting the same places gets a bit old even if they do toss in a few villains that didn’t make an appearance in the story.

Crafting has been rebuilt entirely for Omega and while you can craft during the main campaign, it will probably look to suit you better post game. You have four main sections to utilize crafting for; R&D, Science, Engineering, and Logistics. Each can be leveled up to 20, allowing you to make better items and have more access to better crafting services. This is where you will use the in-game money that drops alongside your loot. I attempted a few times to craft items but my crafting level was so low that I ended up wasting materials making items that were nowhere near as good as the stuff I was currently wearing. You’ll occasionally pick up items that are designed to be donated to increase your crafting level at each of the four crafting NPC’s, but regular items will work as well and several of them contribute a great deal of XP.

Character attacks, animations and the detail given to their models are fairly decent and in some cases, rather great. Some environments look fantastic and have some nice little details that can be missed in the chaos that comes with combat. The menus in-game are sadly poor and are not as intuitive as they could be. The item selection is via a circle menu that isn’t great for quick selecting on the fly during combat. The menus also feel sluggish when moving from page to page. Loading, however; is incredibly fast and it never takes more than a few seconds to load into a new area or back to HQ.

There are several instances where the game got incredibly glitchy, apart from the issues I have already talked about. Huge chunks of levels sometimes didn’t load (see picture to the left) and I had several times where the floor texture was staying low-res for almost 10-15 minutes. I’ve had my entire HUD disappear for almost an hour and didn’t even fix itself upon rebooting the game. I’ve mentioned a few times now that the framerate is awful and frankly, it’s hard to really convey that unless you see it in action. The game is a technical mess and Gazillion is already aware of this and is looking to patch several of the well-known issues soon. I hope that in a few short months that these issues are ironed out because it can really affect how much fun this game can actually be.

Marvel Heroes: Omega is plagued with vast technical problems, glitches, and some design choices that don’t quite work. The menus are slow, unresponsive and feel more like placeholders than anything finalized. Despite these issues, there is still quite a bit to enjoy here. Sure, the PC version still has a decent 25+ more characters than what we currently have here, and the paywall blocking costumes and characters is a bit steep, but you can easily enjoy much of the content here for free or by paying a few bucks to get the character you actually want. The game can be played solo, but the real enjoyment of the game is found in teaming up with a few friends and taking the fight to the numerous bosses you’ll encounter. It’s not perfect, far from it, but it’s still a great time.

Marvel Heroes: Omega was reviewed and played for Xbox One. All screenshots were taken and uploaded to the Windows 10 app.

Game Review: Marvel Heroes – Omega (Xbox One) was originally published on Game-Refraction