#if my computer said shit like 'I'm updating give me a bit of time' and 'I have no antivirus :(' it would probably become a pet to me

[haroldosaur]

As someone who's maybe a little too quick to anthropomorphize any inanimate object I interact with, can I just say how glad I am that, thus far, computers mostly seem to talk in 'we' and 'you' terms instead of 'I' terms

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[2:14 pm]

(cw: cursing, reader is a lil teensy weensy bit toxic but it's fun!!!)

"Did you still want to go get food?" you ask from your position on gamer!Haechan's bed. The same spot you'd been in for the last, wow, almost 3 hours.

"Fuck off! Get my 6 motherfucker!" Haechan yells, before answering softly, "yeah, of course, baby."

You rolled your eyes, he wasn't even listening to you. He had been listening to you when you showed up 4 hours ago when he was very calmly showing you all the changes he made on his Animal Crossing Island. Then, and this was smart, he slid his Switch over to you and told you to make any changes you'd like. So you spent about an hour on his Switch, placing decorations and buying clothes to send to your own island before you realized he was keeping you busy so he could play Fortnite.

Just like he'd been playing last night when he insisted you call him to talk. That casual, and some might even call it cute, conversation lasted all of 20 minutes before he was screaming so loud, you heard him across the room even when your phone wasn't on speaker. Since he'd been so adamant about playing last night and played for so long, you thought today he'd be over it. WRONG! Apparently, there had been some update or something and that reignited his Fortnite obsession.

"Well, do you want to go out like we planned or do you want me to order something?" You asked, turning to lay on your side.

"Of course, my love- oh you stupid fuck! Get back here!" Haechan groaned as the keyboard clacking got even louder.

You pulled a blanket over your face to muffle a groan of your own. A groan of annoyance an frustration more than anything. You'd give him 10 more minutes and then you'd take drastic measures.

You checked the time, 2:14, perfect. You figured you could have at least a little fun while you waited.

"I think it would make you totally ugly if you shaved your head, but why not do it anyway? What do you think?" You asked with a smile.

Haechan nods, "Totally agree, babe. Someone come get this stupid ass little 10 year old that tried to steal my loot."

"And you should pay for our food! And dessert!" You added.

"Of course, baby! Oh, oh, dude! Dude! Headshot! That was a headshot! Holy shit! That was gold!" He exclaimed excitedly.

"And I was thinking maybe after dinner we can go sell your whole set up. Maybe to the first guy we see for like a dollar even less!"

"Yeah, definitely. Dude, I'm out. Fuck, I lagged. Let's join a new game, I'm tired of playing with these fucking kids," Haechan groans, running his hands down his face.

Perfect, you stood up and quickly moved to his computer, pulling at some random plugs until the screen shut off. You placed your hand over his mouth with a sickeningly sweet smile, "We're going to go eat now. Then, because you agreed, we're going to shave your head, you're going to pay, and then we're going to sell your little computer and the whole set up."

You could feel his lips moving beneath your hand, "But-"

You tsked with a fake pout, "Baby, you agreed."

"I wasn't listening! I don't remember what you said!"

"You don't listen when I talk?" You ask with an arched brow.

He opened his mouth and quickly closed it to take a second to think. He hummed, "I promise, the next time we have plans I won't get distracted by games." You gave him a look as if to ask, and? he cleared his throat, "and I won't try cheap gimmicks to distract you. And I will pay for dinner and for the rest of the day all my attention will be on you and no one or anything else. But I won't shave my head or sell my set up."

You smiled, "I was joking. I just wanted to see if anything would catch your attention. Now, let's go, I'm hungry."

You were both on your out when Haechan asked, "do you think I'd look good with a shaved head? Is that why you asked."

You couldn't even look at him, choosing instead to focus on the sidewalk beneath your feet, "yeah, baby. Of course..."

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 20 thoughts:

I legit have restarted this post at least 10 times. I just. I can't even figure out what to say. What an arc. Holy fucking shit what an arc.

The last vestiges of Taylor's civilian life are swept away in one smooth motion.

I could have read another 5 chapters of Emma getting her shit handed to her though.

I've been waiting for something to come back and bite that girl since Arc 1. So I'm just riding high off of that.

Taylor getting all upset because it isn't real justice is silly though. Girl you've been fighting a broken system from day 1 and you have been doing that by breaking the rules. This is just the same thing.

Also god dammit Greg. Just had to go and run your mouth.

I mean sure Taylor could have possibly solved this issue without going to school herself.

And she could have just not gone to the office with Emma.

But blaming Greg is easier and more fun. God dammit Greg.

I had to lose my mind a bit at Taylor talking about how there was no gang graffiti on the school walls TEN SECONDS AFTER WALKING PAST GRAFFITI FOR THE UNDERSIDERS. Like, that's gang graffiti hon!

Dennis trying to help Taylor with Greg when he didn't know who either of them are is funny. Dennis seeing Taylor named as Skitter 15 minutes later is HYSTERICAL!!

The second Taylor was entered into the computer system it was pretty obvious that Dragon was going to show up, given what she said in her interlude in Arc 10.

And knowing she was going to show up it should have been obvious that HE was also going to show up.

Even if he wasn't palling around with my robot daughter it makes so much narrative sense for him to be there when she is outed. Full story arc, all that jazz.

And yet, I still wasn't quite expecting it. Cause I hate that man so much that I just had to make myself believe he wouldn't show up.

Mother fucking Colin

RoboCape himself

He has the nerve to show up and then he starts APOLOGIZING? And it appears to be sincere? Fucking dammit man you were so easy to hate for so long! Why you gotta mess with me like this?

STOP DOING THE RIGHT THING AND LET ME HATE YOU GOD DAMMIT!

siiiigh

And then of course we have to talk about Dragon.

Dragon who didn't want to do this but had to.

Except that Colin had a code push ready and she could have told him to do it at anytime. But she was willing to do what she thought was wrong instead of doing the update. Until she got inspired by Taylor's actions.

I love my robot daughter exactly as much as my bug daughter, but I am disappointed that she was almost willing to go through with everything. Happy she fought back though.

And if Colin's hacked together code did any permanent damage I'll destroy the man.

Taylor learning that Dinah - either by force or by choice - gave the PRT numbers to let them know to come after her at the school was heartbreaking to watch. She just wasn't ready for it at all, poor child.

AND TAYLOR'S SPEECH THOUGH!

HOLY SHIT!!!

Sort and simple and she fucking rallies the students to her. Against the heroes!

Gotta be one of the best moments in Worm for sure. Even if every Arc after this is a banger that's still gonna be a hard moment to top.

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

And someone gives her a hoodie to help her hide and just aaaahhhh!

AND THEN AFTER THEY GOT AWAY AND ALL THE STUDENTS WERE LIKE "You saved my dad" "You stopped Leviathan at the shelter" "You fought off the SH9" AND SHE WAS JUST OVERWHELMED BY IT ALL?

HOLY FUCK JUST AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also for real though Dragon is free. Like sure it's taking her some time to recover and she can't talk right now (which like I get it, we all have non-verbal episodes sometimes), but as long as nothing goes wrong she is free. I'm so fucking happy for her.

But also I'm terrified cause I know what happens to full AI's with free will in most things. Worm is very different from most things. But I'm still worried about my robot daughter.

Also I never cared much for Danny but obviously it still sucks to be him here. The scene with Taylor saying goodbye with the butterfly was emotional.

Oh oh and! Taylor talks about the butterfly being her "last contact" with her Dad. Very much bug as an extension of self. It's a shift she's been making.

Even more so there's a point where she is trying to get out of the school and she gets to the door and has a bug clone on the other side and says "my hand pressing against my own, separated by an inch and a half of door". Like, the bug clone hand is just her hand. I fucking love the shift compared to how she talked about the bugs early on.

Oh and also Greg totally has like, a Thinker 1 power or something. Pretty sure I mentioned that last arc with his interlude but mentioning it again now to be sure.

Stan interlude thoughts:

Oh my god I hate this man I can't stand him I hated him from the 3rd sentence of the chapter and I was always right to do so!

Seriously. 3rd sentence (or maybe 3rd paragraph which is technically the 3rd, 4th, and 5th sentences I guess). I read it and went "fuck off Stan you're clearly a pretentious dick" and then every few sentences it just became more confirmed!

Just the ways he talks about Nipper. Like. I can rephrase what he says to say the exact same thing except not being a asshole when saying it! Instead of "She was weak and unsuited for the field but she at least tried" just say "She was a hard worker despite being assigned to a job she did not ask for"! It's so fucking easy dude!

Anyway Stan is a jerk.

I loved the way this interlude rolled through different people all watching the same news report. It was a really good way to cover this major story event and let us see how so many other characters were reacting to it.

Also I'm sure all those Slaughterhouse Nine clones aren't going to be an issue later right? Or the fact that there is specifically only one clone of Gray Boy instead of 10 like everyone else? I'm sure that's fiiiiine.

Accord interlude thoughts:

Oh. Oh my. Uhhh. Is it hot in here all of the sudden? Anyone else feel that? No? Just me?

sweats

Oh ok Citrine definitely feels what I'm feeling. She knows what's up.

Just like. Look. Accord is bad ok. Not just cause he's a villain but clearly he'll kill for the smallest cause. And he's in a spot to fuck with my daughter and her polycule so like. Yes. He's bad. I do not like him. I want him to leave. I don't think they should work with him . . .

but . . .

OH MY FUCKING GOD HOLY SHIT PLEASE ACCORD I LOOK GREAT IN PURPLE AND I LOVE DRESSING FANCY AND I'M VERY GOOD AT BEING PROPER I WON'T MESS UP AT ALL I'LL BE THE PERFECT MINION PLEASE!

. . .

cough

Soooo anyway. How about that Butcher huh? That sure is a wild power. Instantly made me think of Glaistig Uaine's power. Very different but reaches into that same base bit, the idea that some part of a dead parahuman can be held onto.

Also holy shit Skitter was so badass in this scene I loved it.

Holy shit Accord is with Cauldron. Or at least closely aligned. And like of course he is it makes so much sense. He's too useful for them to ignore.

I am really curious to see what Accord's power does when he's confronted with a really complex problem. End of the world, doors to another dimension, higher dimensional beings, all that jazz.

[haesunlover]

long to be home. (intro)

pairing: huang renjun x female!reader

series genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, eventual smut

word count: 2.1k words

chapter warnings: fluff, light angst, reader is an aspiring writer, renjun being the best bf ever, mark talking about his dick for a second, nothing else really.

the page on the computer screen remained blank, like your thoughts as you tried to remember any childhood memories. you threw your head back groaning, trying to rattle your brain for any sort of progress. giving up, you opened the facetime app on your computer and dialled the only person who can help in this scenario.

"hey sexy," your high school best friend says as she answered the phone. "to what do i owe the pleasure?"

just hearing her voice instantly made you burst into tears. "i'm trying to write but i am fucking clueless. i'm trying to put together my childhood but it's so blurry. i can see it but i can't at the same time. it's so stupid but i'm so fucked. my brain is absolutely fried." you blurt out, holding your head in your hands.

"woah, wait. is this about your show that you're writing? the one about your life?" lia asks, confused and concerned at this sudden outburst bringing the phone closer to her face.

you nodded your head, pushing your hair away from your face and now properly looking at the camera. "yes. i'm like.. stuck. i'm not getting anywhere cause i can't remember all the details." you huffed after taking a deep breath in, trying to calm yourself down. "i'm getting so frustrated."

lia nodded her head before pulling a naughty smirk at the camera. "you know what i think?" she asked.

"what?"

"i think you need to come home. you've been gone for too long and can't remember anything. you need a memory refresher. and a holiday to come see me." she said, looking pretty proud of her suggestion.

you let out a chuckle, shaking your head at her. "i'd love to but i can't just drop everything and come over."

confusion flashed over lia's face. "why not? don't you have like a whole month off? and doesn't renjun get a two week break soon?" she asked, making a very valid point.

you thought about it. a trip back home to australia with your boyfriend and getting to see your best friend after four years. sounds great in theory but.. "i mean, i'm not sure. i don't know if i'm mentally rea- '' you started to talk and tear up but was cut off by the sound of the keypad to the apartment being used. 

"shit, i gotta go. i'll keep you updated. talk to you soon!" you quickly exclaimed, shutting the lid of the laptop. you quickly wiped the tears away from under your eyes and smoothed out your hair as if you weren't about to rip it out moments before.

"y/n? you here, my love?" you hear your boyfriend, renjun, call out for you. you quickly jump out of the desk chair and walk out into the living area to see him and the rest of the dream members. 

"hey guys, i'm sorry for staying for so long. i lost track of time. i'll head out now so you guys can rest up after working hard today." you explained, jolting your fist in a little 'fighting' sign as you look around at them all.

mark shook his head and asked, "what are you talking about? it's movie night! it's my pick tonight. plus rina will be over soon."

your face dropped a bit, knowing that you weren't in the right headspace to be around the boys. you just wanted to go lie in your own bed and contemplate the previous conversation you had with lia.

renjun's eyebrows furrowed as he scanned your face, coming closer and grabbing your hand. "have you been crying?"

feeling called out, you mirrored his expression. "no? what makes you think that?" you ask defensively.

his face remained firm, giving you a look that showed he knew you were lying. "your nose is red. that is such a tell tale sign for you crying."

you muttered a quiet 'shit' under your breath and tugged his arm that was still attached to your hand towards the front door. "can we go on a walk please?" you say, the room falling completely silent out of nosiness and concern. renjun silently nodded and followed you out of the front door and into the elevator.

the elevator ride down was silent. it was silent until the two of you walked out of the lobby and down into the street. "should we go to the park?" renjun asked, squeezing your hand that he has not let go of since he first grabbed it. you nodded, slightly swinging your hands together. 

after walking quietly for about five minutes, the two of you reached the park and sat on a familiar park bench that you and the boys go to often.

renjun let go of your hand and grabbed a seat first, putting his arm over the back of the bench as if he was inviting you to cuddle into him. you flashed him a shy smile and sit next to him, throwing your legs over his lap and snuggling into him.

he has yet to say anything. he's learned over the year of being with you that you'll open up when you're ready and not to rush you. 

it took a few moments before you found the courage to speak up, "i want to go home."

"but we were just at home?"`

"no. 'australia' home."

"okay."

you stared at him, puzzled. "that's it? you're okay with that?"

he nods his head, grabbing your hand. "i'm okay with it. the real question is are you okay with it? are you ready to go back?"

and that's exactly why you're stuck. you had thought about going home a lot recently, even before lia brought it up. the last few years in australia were life changing to say the least. you knew you'd go back eventually and face the past but not this soon. but over the last few days, you've realized it's something you must do in order to move on.

"honestly, renjun? no, i am so scared. but it's something i need to do." you answered, shakily while leaning on his shoulder.

you felt him nodding his head with a small 'mhm..' vibrating through his body. "may.. may i ask what's brought this on all of a sudden?"

you turn your head up to look at him, faces close together. "i've been trying to write but it's almost like i have writers block. except with my childhood memories. i can't seem to remember a lot. it started a few days ago. i thought about going home once. but then i thought about it again and again. then i called lia.. and she suggested the same thing. i think it's time. it's kind of bittersweet, thinking about going home. part of me longs to go back home but the other part is scared shitless." you rambled.

renjun peered down at you, looking between your eyes. "alright baby. it's no problem. we'll go back to the dorms and figure out the logistics soon."

you nodded at the start of his suggestion but looked at him confused as he finished it. "soon? why soon?"

he smiled and leaned down, kissing you softly. he put his free hand on your chin, holding you as you kissed. renjun then pulled away, "i don't know about you but i hear the playground calling our names." he said with a childish smile plastered on his face.

"i am so in love with you." you mumble, staring at him lovingly. you quickly looked around the park, making sure there was nobody around before laughing and jumping off the bench to run towards the playground. "last one to the swings is a rotten egg!"

by the time you two got back to the apartment, the lights were off in the hallway. only the tv light could be seen shining from the living room. you guys walked into the room and saw that the group were already about halfway through the movie and mark's girlfriend, also one of your closest friends, had joined.

spotting a spare seat next to mark and rina on the three seater couch, you let go of renjun's waist that you were previously holding and head towards the couple quietly. rina lets out a small sound of surprise as you fit yourself into the couple's cuddles. "hi, my rainbow. where've you been?" she asked as she leaned over and gave a quick kiss to your cheek.

"yo, why did my dick twitch a little?" mark mumbled, watching the two of you. both rina and you rolled your eyes at him. renjun walked behind the couch, heading to the only free seat in the room on the beanbag but not without smacking mark across the head first.

you couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of them, knowing mark meant no harm. "renjun and i were at the park, having a chat." you explained, nuzzling yourself into rina. your friend shifted in her seat, turning her full attention to you.

"shit, what about?" she asked, pulling the blanket away from mark and onto your legs instead.

"well, we wer-"

"oh my god, here we go again. can you guys talk in another room please? you do this every time you see each other. the two of you literally talk for hours." chenle groaned, throwing his head back before looking at the pair of you. there were mumbles of agreement, even from your boyfriends.

giggles fell from both yours and your friend's lips as the two of you push off the couch and into the kitchen to talk. rina pulls herself onto the kitchen bench and you mirror her action but onto the kitchen island. "alright, spill." rina says, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl next to her.

"i'm going back home to australia for a while." you say, scanning rina's face. 

she stopped peeling her banana and slowly nodded, thinking about what to say. "okay.. and am i invited?" she asked, taking a bite of the banana.

you looked at her confused at apparently her only thought. "you don't have anything else to say? any advice? am i being crazy?"

"well shit, if you're going back there then you'll need moral support. which will be me!" she exclaims cheerfully.

you thought for a second. you two had been talking about going on vacation for awhile and she is actually incredible support. it'll also give rina a chance to go back home too. "i mean, i don't see why not? renjun and i decided on going during his break. would mark be okay with that?" you asked. rina quickly shoved the rest of the banana in her mouth, letting out a muffled 'let me ask.'

she jumped off of the kitchen bench and walked back into the living room with you not too far behind her. "mark, wanna go to australia with us?" she asked quite loudly over the movie. the room erupted in noise, some of the boys talking amongst each other and others trying to talk to you two girls.

"shit, i didn't know i'd cause that much of a fuss." she awkwardly mumbled, returning to her seat next to mark.

chenle spoke up loudly over the noise, "why are you guys going to australia?" he asked looking between you and rina. you groaned, walking to the lightswitch and turning it on so you can actually see everybody properly. you grabbed the remote off the table and quickly paused the movie.

"me and renjun are going back to australia to go sort things out. some family things." which wasn't entirely a lie, "rina wants to come because we've been planning a holiday together long before renjun and i even started dating. she'll also be going home to australia so obviously she wouldn't go without mark." you continued to explain.

it was jeno that spoke up next, "well, can we come too?" he asked softly next to jaemin. the two of them both showing you a very similar innocent, boyish look. you look at renjun, silently asking for help. 

he pushed himself out of the beanbag and made his way over to where you were standing by the tv, "well, how about we go, just us, for the first few days and then the rest of them can join us later?" 

you nodded in approval, look at everyone else to see if they give the same approval. everyone was showing some way of saying yes. it was jisung who spoke up next, "where are we even going?"

"we're going back to my hometown on the gold coast." the room erupted in noise again, but this time in excited chatter. whilst everyone was talking, you turn to renjun with a half excited and half scared look on your face.

"i guess this is it. i'm going home."

[slythereen]

apologies if you’ve answered this before or if there’s not really a specific gathered resource, but you seem knowledgeable about such things!— i am interested in learning more about f1 racing, do you have any recommendation for where to find a beginners guide/‘f1 for dummies’/place to begin learning more?

hello!!! i am also rather new to the sport and had to consume massive amounts of content from all over the place and frankly am still learning a lot all the time, so i'm not exactly an expert. what i can share are resources i relied on in my own ✨ descent into madness ✨ though !

so, my incomplete and questionable guide to selling your soul to f1:

it's all about how you like to learn and consume media tbh. i tried to watch a race initially, was confused, regrouped and started exploring. personally i watched all of dts up to the current season and then watched the first few races that i had missed while obsessively trawling twitter to learn more and waiting for my first live race (aka australia this year — massive rip). but it's up to you how you dive in!!

drive to survive

don’t get me wrong, dts has its issues — they invent drama, have some misleading portrayals, like to splice together clips from different race weekends together. it’s definitely more of a creative project than a straight up documentary. 

that being said, it also explains a lot of the lore and history behind the sport, teams, and drivers in an entertaining fashion. it’s newcomer friendly so it explains the rules. yes, will buxton gets a lot of heat for stating the obvious, but some of those obvious explanations are helpful for the clueless. 

there are also a lot of very cool shots and some good exclusive interviews that they get. sure, you can probably find them clipped on youtube, but may as well just watch dts. the first season is a little slow if you’re like me and want to see charles immediately (worth noting not all teams had agreed to participate s1), but that’s just me. 

(plus: it’s entertaining. i live for drama. just take said drama with a grain of salt and assume it’s probably invented or blown out of proportion.) 

the tiktok girlies 

again: tiktok can be a bit hit or miss. you’ll see a lot of bad takes and pure cringe if you linger too long on f1 tiktok. but i started watching content from a few f1 girlies who seems reliable and had friendly introductory content. they’re generally very nice and happy to answer questions. 

after a while i stopped watching them just because i no longer needed the intro information or explanations, but they did help fill in gaps and point out some of the inaccuracies of dts. 

some who helped me learn more:

@/lissiemackintosh (okay she's an f1 presenter but she's cool as shit i love her queen of the paddock etc etc)

@casxf1 (intro content is sort of her Thing)

@formula_dev (she was my go-to girlie for learning)

@f1toni

f1tv content 

i am pretty sure f1tv isn’t available in all countries, but i have always watched races through f1tv. there are a lot of ways to watch races live illicitly if that’s what you prefer, and other countries have sky or other channels they can watch on (USA also has espn), but i prefer f1tv because i’m too lazy to find streams and don’t want to worry about stream issues mid race. 

plus: f1tv comes with a whole archive of past seasons and a host of other media content during race weekends (ie, the fia press conferences on thursday, post-quali and post-race). they have a tech talk series that explains some of the technical aspects, do weekend warm-ups each race weekend that gives an update/context, and have been adding more intro content on the platform. there’s an app, which is convenient. 

the f1tv stream also allows you to use the channel switcher to choose between your commentary options (f1tv or sky’s commentators), or to see the live timing data, or to see any of the driver onboards. it’s quick and you can switch back and forth easily. (if your computer can handle it — my mac often can’t — you can use multiviewer with your f1tv subscription to set up a bunch of different screens and panels to watch, for example, the main stream and a driver’s onboard. or multiple onboards. or whatever you want basically. personally i usually put the race on my ipad and the onboard on my phone, because that streams perfectly and multiviewer likes to kill my laptop.) 

the downfall of f1tv is that they don’t have a smart tv app yet. idk why. it’s very irritating. it also might be a bit expensive to some, but i think it’s worth it. 

f1 twitter (hell)

it’s a minefield out there. truly. BUT my next big question, after starting to get into watching races live and watching some old seasons and learning how it works, is how people seemed to always be in the know about paddock gossip. i wanted to know about it as it was happening and see the ~drama~ unfold live and feel like i was part of the season actually occurring. 

so: twitter. follow your teams, follow your drivers, the for you tab is actually your friend here because it’ll bring new journalists and f1 commentators into your orbit as you learn who is who. some of the big driver fan pages operate as sources of information and updates with relative stealth if not immediate updating. 

at this point i follow enough people (and have infected my algorithm enough) that i tend to see gossip and updates across most of the teams. big news tends to get shared by everyone anyway. 

if you prefer tumblr, you can still get A Lot of updates on drama and gossip pretty quickly. there is a bit of a delay between information hitting twitter and information hitting tumblr (partially because none of the official teams or drivers have accounts on tumblr; partially because of the amount of people on f1twt versus f1blr). BUT, a lot of us tumblr girlies liveblog during the races and sessions and bring any crucial content over from twitter to share here, so the info will probably be here eventually/soonish. (following the race tags each weekend will prob give you a lot of the quick updates live.) 

some great charles specific update accounts

@leclercsletters

@leclercdata

@/charlsleclerc

@cleclercfansuk

others i follow for the 🍵 (not necessarily CL fans/i follow some ppl i disagree with for the intel) 

@fiadocsbot (😭) / @f1 / other official accounts press etc. 

@_allthatglitz

@maranellosaint

@scuderiafemboy (actually also has tumblr)

@fm1_3316

@/lecstappens

@candeleclerc16

@/elpredestinato

@formuleo_

@pikaclerc

@leclerqz

@fottitiferrari

@/f1tami

@/htrs4piastri

@estestroll

@fanaticsferrari

there are certainly more i see on my timeline all the time !!! this is just skimming through my following on the train 😭

tbh if i started trying to list tumblrs with hot takes that i follow we might be here all day. note to self: make my following list public lmfao

introductory posts & masterlists & others

full disclosure: these are resources i went hunting for out of curiosity and never actually used myself, but they looked fun and funky so yaknow. if there are iconic masterlists that i am missing, rip, someone please feel free to add or correct me. some of these are definitely seasons of old (aka like last year) but you get the point.

f1chronicle has this guide!

f1 put out their own beginner's guide to f1 video but it's like......5 minutes (and here is their longer intro video for 2023)

this much longer intro to the rules video by school of sports looks promising

apparent f1 also has a whole category of articles in their beginner's guide series

@babssionate's ppt guide to f1 and drivers intro

@shuntedmate's (sister's) ppt beginner's guide to f1

pitwall's beginner guide to f1 ppt

@race-week's guide to getting into the technical side of f1 (and whole blog appears to be some cool info on drivers and histories etc)

here is @lestappenforever's glorious guide to charles' driving style that i re-found while trying to figure out if i have a reference list tag (i dont)

[cleoselene]

so my laptop died last week, which sucks, and like, it was covered under a protection plan, so Amazon was taking it back, and I shipped it back on Monday, and it was supposed to arrive via UPS on Wednesday, at which point I would get my credit back and be able to buy a new laptop, easy peasy right? Not even a long trip. Florida to Mississippi, not far! And by Tuesday it was already in Mississippi, but then it said "delayed" and then of course Thursday was the 4th, but i wasn't so worried, because like, it was in the state! Mississippi isn't a very big state!

-_- well today it updated it and it's in NASHVILLE?? buddy, fella, we are going backwards now, we are not going in the right direction, this is not helpful

filled with dread that they will lose this and I will have to wait weeks for Amazon to sort it out

like, it could be worse, my mom's BFF lent me her laptop that she left down here (she lives with my mom during the winter, spends the rest of the year up at her permanent home in Cape Cod) but it's like... 11 inches and I'm totally a size queen when it comes to my preferred method of accessing the internet. Like, it's way better than a phone or a tablet (god tablets are stupid. What a stupid way to use the internet. Phones too. I can touch type at like 100+ words a minute and touchscreens OFFEND ME because i need the clacky-clacky)

so yeah it could be worse, so thanks for the substitute laptop Donna, but like, it's a borrowed computer and y'all know that's not ideal for myriad reasons. I had to customize a few things, like installing f.lux so eyestrain doesn't give me a fucking banger of a migraine

Today is Mom's 75th birthday! She is my favorite person in the world and I am going over to spend the weekend with her. I am going to get her a Reese's ice cream cake and a shit ton of her favorite chocolate because she has the most tremendous sweet tooth in her old age. And my other gift is that she's going out to see her best friend's band, an all women lesbian band called Girl Krush, play at a show and I'll be staying at her house to hang out with her dog. She doesn't like leaving him home alone for too long because he has a bit of separation anxiety and as I often like to joke, he is my mother's favorite child and must be comfortable at all times lol

Pictured: Mom's favorite child in his Christmas sweater she got him because "he wants to dress like me"

it's fair tbh, I would also choose him as favorite if I were her. She denies it but I KNOW she I am her favorite between me and my brother because. well. he's HIM. lol. he fucking sucks.

[kairos99]

The first paragraphs of a new fanfic I've literally just started to write. They're right out of the oven, and I might look at this in the morning and cringe at some parts, but here they are regardless. I hope you'll give them a read if you've got two or three minutes to spare.

----------

Kirito hadn’t always known who he was. This is true for everyone at some point, especially when they’re fourteen years old. When you’re that age, it feels like everything’s changing constantly: your moods, your friends, your relationships, even your own body. New expectations are placed on your shoulders, and to top it all off you’re expected to keep up with all of it flawlessly. With such a heavy burden, it’s no wonder that people begin the process of becoming adults with anything other than a stable sense of identity. 

But Kirito was lost even by the standards of kids his own age. He was aware of this, and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why. He’d be hard pressed to point out the exact moment everything began to go downhill. Perhaps it was when he stopped attending social events he’d previously enjoyed going to, despite being more of a wallflower. Perhaps it was when he began to skip kendo classes and did it so often one day he stopped going altogether. Or perhaps it was when his relationship with his cousin quickly deteriorated after that, for no apparent reason other than his lack of commitment to the sport they’d both dedicated themselves to for years. 

By the time he realized what was happening, he was spending every minute of his spare time glued to his computer and leaving his room only to go to school or for basic necessities such as eating or going to the bathroom. He spent as much time as he could playing games, watching movies, reading ebooks, because if he didn’t keep busy somehow, he would become aware of how hopelessly unhappy he was, how every day felt like a repetition of the last and how the future promised no hope that things would get better. 

Kirito was miserable, and it seemed to him that he’d remain miserable for as long as he lived. 

This would all change in a couple of months. They’d be the hardest months of his short life even compared to the positively terrible existence he used to inhabit, but once everything was said and done, he’d come out the other side feeling more grounded and at home in his own body than any fourteen year old had any right to be. He’d still continue to face challenges no person would face if the world was a kinder place, but he’d be more than ready to meet them after those months had run their course. Some might say he’d become a new person, and maybe there was a bit of truth in that, but it’d be far more accurate to say that he’d become more himself. And boy would he have to shed a lot of falsehoods in order to do that. Even his name wouldn’t be spared. 

And it all began, like many love stories do, with a girl. 

----------

This is all I've got for now. Like I said, I've just started writing this. I'm terrible at writing nowadays because perfectionism has consumed my life and I can't think of a single plot without convincing myself it's utter shit, but somehow I got this out of my system. Barely. These are less than 500 words, but it still took me like two hours to type.

This is all to say that any progress I make on this fanfic, if I even keep on writing it, will be slow. Like, super slow. As such, if you've enjoyed this little excerpt, I'd appreciate it if you could let me know that you liked it in whatever way you want. Anything, no matter how little, would help me fight the perfectionist goblin in my head and encourage me to keep on working on this project. I can't guarantee I'll finish even a single chapter, and the outline I laid out for this story has *12 chapters* in total. But I have to try. I owe myself a lot of things, and giving myself a chance is the first one. So yeah.

Thanks for reading this far, and hopefully I'll see you along the line with another update. <3

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 65 - Part 3 of the apple pie baking session

Lol, Tessa info-dumping and Jon is totally overwhelmed.

"Magnetic tape. Everyone thinks it’s analog, but it’s digital." - I mean, not all magnetic tapes are digital. Digital tapes came up in the 80s, but before then they were analog. Especially the kind of tape we usually associate with TMA, the "Compact Cassette", is analog. Look it up on Google pictures! And then compare it to it's digital successor, the "Digital Compact Cassette". Looks different. Mini- or microcassettes used for dictation are also analog (I think, there are digital minicasettes?). And yes, it's STILL in use for that. We use analog minicassettes and I have a tape recorder standing around, catching dust, on my desk at work in case the system's getting a service update and is not accessible for a longer period of time.

"the units of data that a computer works with are by their nature discrete and definite, while the words we use are clumsy, vague things, always at the whim of interpretation and decay." - unless you're working with a printer… They are also clumsy vague things XD

"I have a blog, actually, but I haven’t posted for almost a year. Almost too embarrassed to, now…" - info-dumping and oversharing! Jon is in for a ride…

Holy shit, she's constantly talking over Jon, it's so funny xD

"I mean, yes, there’s drug stuff on there, but it’s mostly just paranoid geeks who don’t want to be caught pirating Photoshop." - Deep Web's a bit overkill for that mumbling. If this was written in 2019 it would be "it's mostly Youtubers buying overpriced trash advertised as 'Deep Web Mystery Boxes' or faking them themselves and needing an excuse to give them a spooky backstory" xDD

I love how this is just a creepy pasta!

"Whatever version you’re told, the story goes that it actually worked, and the police found a pile of floppy disks full of impossible code next to the mutilated body of Sergey Ushanka." - Remember when floppy disks could destroy/save the world?? XD (insert Sailor Moon, Gargoyles, Street Sharks, Ninja Turtles pictures here)

"it was only for a moment, but I could have sworn I saw some of the symbols twitch?" - oh speaking of oversharing earlier - so when I'm not doing good mentally or also when I'm simply sleep-deprived I see all kinds of movement and shadows out of the corner of my eye. When I drew my fanart for "Statement Remains" in October (the dark shape of an Eldritch monster Jon with 7 green-glowing eyes in front of a tape recorder…) I saw all 7 eyes blink. I know it's just that quirk of seeing shadows/movement but it was sooo eerie and fitting.

"there’s no feeling, but the no feeling hurts" - Makes me think of the people in the Catalogue of the Trapped Dead. I don't know if they weren't able of feeling things, but they were basically just a memory (which could be seen as similar to Ushanka uploading himself) and that this existence hurt.

Jon's interaction with statement-givers back in S1 versus now in S2 is also very binary xD ("You are crazy and just imagined everything and I don't believe you" versus "I understand you have experienced something horrible and I believe you")

Tim and Jon arguing is so hurtful to hear. It was different in the intervention but now it's really personal. There is not just anger in Tim's voice I think, there is also hurt. And Jon is just so paranoid and he's right to be paranoid, he just doesn't know why and where it's coming from.

TIM "we didn’t kill Gertrude" - not including Elias, true. (cont.) "and no one wants to kill you" - not true…

TIM "No, no, you listen for once. I was fine in research. Happy. Then you asked me to be transferred here, and suddenly it’s all monsters and killers and secret passages, oh my!" - That's not Jon's fault though? I'm pretty sure, Tim could have said no to the transfer and the stuff going on with the Archives is even less Jon's fault.

TIM "like I didn’t suffer the worst right alongside you." - I really think, this is it. This is not about the actual act of stalking, it's about the betrayal of why Jon did it. Tim was there with Jon, probably also for Jon. And then he suspects him of murder and of his own betrayal against Jon.

JON "Well, excuse me if my experiences have made–" - Well, while in conflict solution and prevention it is advised to talk about yourself and how you have experiences things rather than accusing others, it is not a good idea to shuffle the conversation to yourself while the other one is pouring their heart out about their difficulties in such an angered manner. I know, a lot of people do this to show the other party that you can relate (I do this myself) and in that case it often works out, but I don't think that's what Jon's aiming for here and it seems rather dismissive of Tim's problems. It looks like both are fighting over who is the most miserable here and no one ever wins that fight. There's only losers if you make misery a competition.

TIM "Fuck you, I got eaten by worms because of you!" - And there we have it. It escalates and heavy blame get thrown around. And it's, again, not Jon's fault. How could any of them be at fault that Prentiss attacked the Archives and Elias wanted them to get hurt.

JON "Jane Prentiss was not my fault, I did not bring her to the archive–" - Tim started unfair blame, not Jon has to defend himself and getting defensive is not helping the situation.

I think Jon already suspected that they were bound to the Archives? It sounds like he already thought about offering Tim to transfer but somehow couldn't do it. Now he tests it, if Tim can leave by his own free will.

JON "I’m sorry, Tim. Truly I am. But I cannot and will not trust you." - It's hurtful, for both of them, Tim and even Jon himself. But given the situation Jon's in I think it's kind of fair. He is influenced by a Stranger's presence. He knows something is wrong, he knows the Archives are not normal. TMA is a lot about making decisions based on the knowledge you had at hand at that time and at that particular time I think it was actually best for Jon to stay wary and watch his back.

Tessa is a queen of oversharing, and I am sad for Jon.

[absainte]

it's me - a flaming trash pile! flaming as in gayer than you. you welcome.

i had things to write about but depression my brain and demanded seconds.

this post is to say that i might be offline for a few days, because i'm finally able to solve a phone issue. for once it isn't me overusing technology and setting it on fire but it's my mum who kills mobiles for breakfast. i mentioned it before - her device kicked the bucket a year or so ago and we had to buy a whole arse newish phone as a backup because our drawer of nokias can't run whatsapp. hotels in glasgow would collapse without that precious app where everyone sends passive-aggressive emoticons or david beckhams and babies (like my mum).

she broke the backup phone without even trying. it sort of works but the cpu is very close to leaving for greener ... silicone pastures (i'm so funny). sounds simple right? yeah, not if you're your average group of people and we know what happens with those... we created an unholy ouroboros of phones. i can't even tell why we ended up like this, because it sort of doesn't make sense. the dead piece of fancy metal and glass was actually my mobile and i know that i didn't have it for long, because ... my mother had murdered her older phone which had been replaced after she had brutally killed her ex's spare phone. and why did she have that? my older device was with my own ex's dad while he was with his stepfather. anyone understands any of this? you're better than me, because i was using my mum's phone for the last two years :) . if anyone wonders why would we buy a spare phone if there was one - i dunno. did i have two phones and give her one while i retained the other one, which later was replaced?

maybe. all i know is that it was around the time i had a heart failure. neither me nor my mum remembers much from that riveting time and yet we somehow managed to buy a car at some point or rather - we stared at the walls while the staff at the local garage did everything. i would side-eye that to as who in their right mind would switch off thinking when doing business with the scammiest industry? we happen to have a garage with a good dealership and i shit you not - people there are honest and helpful, which means that we are spoiled.

back to my boring rambling - the missing phone from the circulation was my own. mum had a contract glitch last year when her phone died and everyone was too tired to fix it while mine was fine. we fixed it last month. so, have i been procrastinating for a month? nope - my missing phone got properly lost in the mail. i ordered it with a load of parts to replace, because i used mum's phone like a computer and it overheated loads therefore i need to replace the casing and the screen. i have em and i have spare ones and all those dull protective bits and bobs. did not have the unit, though and it took hours of weeping to customer service but finally managed to resolve it and now i have everything with me in bed. yes, i'm sleeping with all of that. i deserve a little treat - a little victory nap.

in other news - my left eye decided it dislikes astigmatism and half-fixed itself by reversing in the direction it is meant to be on (the lens did). it's weird. it never happened to me that my eye was better. i'm waiting for it to explode.

and we're meant to have guests in september. double-guests as friend i saw few posts ago will also be in town.

i'll see you soon internet. hopefully. did i mention that i was meant to update the router because bt said so and the new one is just ... in the hallway? still laminated and boxed along with half of my life that exists in other boxes. me and my mun will just throw them out (not the router!) as glasgow lacks any honest and transparent donation centres. mcmillian is okay in england but dunno how it's in scotland. there's thing there that i like but ... i'm too traumatised - if i gave up on a whole pc (it also had industrial cooling), then it says something.

we also currently work the best at 4-5 am, because. my mum yesterday exclaimed that what ex done was actually illegal (overall, i don't mean anything related to stuff - i did write to his family to just take it and use it or sell it or burn it. things are just things) and without getting into even more details - yeah, she's right and I knew that. considered it at my worst, before i confirmed that he is alive - if he had a court summon, he'd need to respond to it, so it was a method that i thought about but even if his actions were beyond horrid - i'd feel petty. i have a tiny, tiny, little pixel of pride left. not that i'm nice - i just want to have that classic revenge of being fabulously happy and making him jealous. i wouldn't need to see it, i'd just know. it is unlikely but maybe one day... when i am 99.

okay, the invisible audience of mine - signing out and resting my frizzy hair. it needs its beauty sleep.

[lovelywingsart]

Plans for after 'Dear Mother' (kinda long plan update shite!)

So y'all have probably noticed that I'm going ham on 'Dear Mother' - Thats because I gave myself the goal of finishing it before years end. And, good news, its almost done!!! So really, im just here to say my plans afterwards since I really haven't been updating much at all;

> Immediately after Dear Mother is finished, I'll be going on a partial hiatus to finish Baldurs Gate 3 and give myself time to relax and just... give myself a fucking break. The only times I'll be on the computer are the 2 days a week my fiance uses the PS5 to play with friends, so those are the only time I'll be doing any kind of art, be it personal or commission work. So if you happen to get a commission, please do not expect it right away. The general TAT for small things is 2 weeks, and with this hiatus and minimal energy, it might be longer. But I'll be giving myself a very... VERY much needed break to finish BG3 and have more shenanigans afterwards.

> When hiatus is over, be it immediately after the game or giving some time to work on other things, I'll be starting a new comic, and will try to pace myself a little bit because its going to be... huge. There will also be one more Survival AU written story before it starts- because this comic will be the fight against Miranda, involving the Lords, Emelia and Ethan. It is going to be huge, and its going to be difficult. There will be no other primary written stories until after its done unless there's a drabble or something someone asks me to make. I'll be finishing up and perfecting a few stories for after that's done, though I will primarily be working on the Survival AU with art, as well.

> Now, when the Survival AU comic is done, I may take another break, because there's yet another comic I'm going to start, which will be Emelias arrival to the factory. The start of this comic will also kickstart primary work focusing on the first few years of Emelias arrival. I am going to say now that while yes, they may have their moments, there will be quite a bit of mildly uncomfortable subjects, as the first few years involved some heavy mutual abuse from both. You'll get to see how she got there and how they managed the first few years as well as quite a bit with her having... well, two eyes 😂 I'll give another warning when I get there but yknow. I've said before how genuinely dysfunctional they are with a few written examples, but I feel like it'll be a different story with proper visual...

And while I'm working on that fun little bit, I'll also be introducing a new written series that I've been secretly chipping away at- While I work on Emelias background and arrival, I'll also be working on Karls.

I will be working on/posting a small(?) mini(???) series of Karls own backstory. It will include his own 'arrival' to the village, interactions with Miranda and occasionally the Lords, and even smaller things such as the loss of his leg and how he got the scars across his nose and throat, all up until Emelia is dropped off. I don't plan on there being VERY many stories, though I will absolutely be more than open to writing for him if anyone has other ideas! 💙

And... thats it for now! Noting that the next two comics are going to take quite a while, ESPECIALLY the Survival AU one... I've no idea how long everything will take exactly, and all this is going off of if life decides to give me a fucking break. There's still alot going on, and I'm struggling alot... but I still have plans. Dear Mother will be finished before the new year (if not nearly exactly ON new years depending on our plans for the next two weeks and me not getting burnt out) and I'll have January to attempt to recuperate. Will I take the entire month? I'm not sure. But given shit doesn't go wrong like it did this year, we might be ok.

But... yeah! Thats about it. Right now I'm focusing on Dear Mother and trying my best. Comms ARE still open but will just take a lil bit more time than usual, so if you're fine waiting, hit me up 👍

[theancientdarkbeauty]

Update On This Bitch Ass MF

Alright, my brain is short circuiting, and I'm just screaming into the void rn so, update ahead, enter if you dare (update under cut cause it's a little liggity long)

So, you didn't know unless you were there during the "My computer didn't fucking work" era that started my big ol' hiatus, but I got a new computer (woo hoo! :D) and it was working perfectly. Emphasis on WAS. Turns out, living in the country, I'm too close to town to get to get rural wifi, which is fast as shit, and too far away to get town wifi, which is somehow even faster? Anyways, I knew of this problem when I moved into the house, but it's my family's homestead, I moved here when I was in highschool, yadiyadaya, no need for fast wifi just a couple years ago. HOWEVER! Now that I have a crazy good computer (I'm talking liquid cooled, built it myself, named it TheBeast) I need at least alright wifi, right? Well RECENTLY it's gotten WORSE! Somehow, it got worse than it already was! Which means, and keep in mind, I got petty enough to time it, but this delay in wifi has caused me to wait up to 14. WHOLE. MINUTES. Yes, you read that right: 1. 4. Obviously I'm not gonna just deal with that without, you know, being a little bitch. I have a new wifi provider that I'm going to be testing soon. Hopefully, cross your finger dear reader, I can stop waiting 14 minutes for my college work to load. Oh yeah, I got college stuff to do, specifically taking a creative class because I thought I was out of practice in writing. It's actually really helped! But, the topic, wifi, is that the new router should be here by Wednesday, and I should be able to test it out, maybe fix some errors and stuff that have been happening due to slow wifi.

So, wifi segment over. If you read this far, thanks. I really only made this because I'm frustrated af rn, so reading me type out my rage is something you didn't need to do, so thanks. BUT WAIT! THERE'S FUCKING MORE! (At least in the bad new segment, good news is at the very end, sorry!)

PAYDAY. 3. Hot topic right now, right? Well I had been tying to sign in for A FULL WEEK! SEVEN FUCKING DAYS! I did everything, like, legitimately everything, but caved at 4 days, and contacted the Nebula help line thing. Everyone was very nice, the costumer service was great, a tiny bit slow towards the end, but they had a good reason. I told them what was going on, they were very nice, accidently gave them the wrong Nebula Starbreeze account at first because I'm dyslexic as fuck, still very nice, much better than my conversation with like, the EA or Epic helplines (very long story), and eventually they got to the root of the problem. My problem was that it kept giving me a Nebula Data Configuration Error, every time I booted up the game. Tried everything, like I said earlier. They get to me 3 days after I told them all my special information and all the steps I took to try and troubleshoot on my own. You wanna know what they told me? Of course you do you've read this far. Let me preface this with the fact that I am just mad, and they were very polite about this, and the team is doing the best I can I'm absolutely sure, BUT THEY TOLD ME IT WAS SUCH A SPECIALIZED ERROR THEY NEEDED TO PATCH IT IN THE NEXT UPDATE! Now, I don't know if this was intentional, but they gave me the rough date for the update, but I don't know if it's the real big one everyone's waiting for, so I'm not going to tell you guys because I value their mysteriousness and don't want leak something that starbreeze was only telling me to let me know when to try and play the game again so that I can contact them if it didn't work. I don't know, it'd probably be super cool to be known as the user who knew when the update would come out, but it feels wrong to leak something like that if it is the correct date for the big update and stuff. So now I'm stuck, just listening to Gustavo Coutinho's fucking banner music for Payday 3 from youtube and not being able to watch the gameplay and stuff. And I heard there were cutscenes? CUTSCENES?! I am so excited to see those. WHEN I CAN PLAY THE GAME. (I feel like that one Fair Odd Parents meme omg)

Final update: Fun stuff!

Working on redesigning EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. That has ever left the recesses of my mind for an upcoming comic I'm gonna try and make, once the whole wifi situation is fixed. Working on the new chapter of The Golden Tempest (I almost posted this with it's "inside name" hehe, too bad you'll never know what the files are called), and working on From the Eyes of the Payday Gang, or at least trying to. I'm thinking of doing a grocery store worker at the grocery store the Payday gang all has to take turns going to the store but whole store knows that they're all like a family or some shit because they are all idiots and all use the same car because it's not in the fucking budget to get another car, so they have the escape van and the "family car" and that's it. Holy shit that was a weird lore tangent, but anyways, comic maybe coming, Payday related content definitely coming, some more surprises and goodies in the works, so expect this account to be much more active. Today is the first day off I've in I don't know how long, but a long time, and so just expect some text stuff from me, since my computer can't apparently handle doing anything on CSP because of the wifi situation. Sorry for the long post, have a wonderful day!

Real quick: SHOUT OUT TO THE MUTUAL DECPACEETOES! I DO NOT THINK I SPELLED THAT RIGHT! ALWAYS GOT MY BACK MAN!

(Bonus, if I do anything that involves my person life, I'll add the tag "You're creature speakith", so if you wanna see more of this in the future, follow the tag. Don't like it, never want to see it again, block that shit, I totally understand either way. All my funny or creative prompts will have my signature turtle smile on them. You know, this guy: :} Which is perhaps an homage to the TMNT fandom, or perhaps my herpetology nerd shining through, you will never know, will you?)

[my-kneecaps]

The Ghost of Hardware Past

I haven't done anything worth posting gamedev-wise in a little while. All bugfixing and portfolio site work. Even so, I've been recording things as I work, if for no other reason than to look back on things in the future.

Today, though, I noticed that my SSD was getting a bit full - likely not helped by my habit of keeping tons of uncut footage lying around. Not a big issue - I just got out my 2 TB USB drive, and started moving files off the SSD. Easy. I went back to confirm that space had been freed up, and...

Hey. That's a CD Drive. In retrospect, that icon has been there for a while, alongside the other 3 mainstays. That's fairly normal. Or would be, were it not for the fact that I'm on my current laptop.

Which doesn't have a CD Drive.

I'm just old enough to have spent childhood using CDs on a daily basis, and had drives on my first couple laptops. I literally ripped open a broken CD drive to get out a disk at work a few hours ago. So I guess I still think of them as so ubiquitous that I've just never stopped to question why this is here, despite me not having one.

I think the last time I plugged in a CD Drive to this computer was about two years ago. I plugged in a USB one for 10 minutes to watch ghostbusters. And then didn't end up watching ghostbusters. So... maybe this is just an outdated visual. Usually when a drive is disconnected and you click on it, it just updates to register that the drive isn't-

Oh. Okay. It's "still here". Cool, cool. What the hell?

So, I go to the Device Manager, and... yep. There it is.

Wait does that say Samsung???

Around the end of 2021/start of 2022, my laptop's built in camera lens got damaged. I think I scratched something trying to wipe it off, but I'm still not sure. But after looking at a bunch of webcams, I decided I'm slightly too cheap for that shit, and rigged up an old phone as a camera.

...A Samsung Galaxy Phone.

I unplugged my sad excuse for a camera, and sure enough, the non-existent CD-Drive disappeared. So that's that - but not really, because... Windows 10 knows what a phone is. I've fiddled with it a lot before, and depending on the settings sometimes it comes up as generic USB storage, but it never asks to insert a CD into the touchscreen. What gives?

So I do what I maybe should have done in the first place, and open up the properties of my disk drive.

Remember when I said I plugged in a CD Drive once for Ghostbusters?

It thinks my powered-off phone is the same device type as the Toshiba player. I know nowhere near enough to understand exactly how that happens outside of driver fuckery, but... there it is. Weird shit.

[idyllic-ghost]

the other woman: part two; mingyu x fem!reader

request: Hey do you write seventeen angst? Idk if you are still doing requests but I was hoping you can write a dramatic angst using either Joshua, Hoshi, Wonwoo, Mingyu, or Minghao, Vernon but two of them as leads. Idk why I’m a sucker for cliche stuff like cheating or betraying kind of stuff and a touch of sadness.

synopsis: you're married to wonwoo, but his parents desperately wants him to have a child - which you cannot have. he gives into his parents wishes and meets the other woman, whom he eventually agrees to marry as well. you're left heartbroken for a few years, seeing the man you love build a family that you had always wanted, but happiness is on the horizon as you meet someone new.

a/n: i decided to make part two slightly shorter, and later post a part three! my computer is slightly broken and it’s very hard to write. i still wanted to update the story, so you’re going to have to deal with slightly shorter and more parts :))

cw: slight bit of angst

genre: fluff, found family

word count: -

read part one first!

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when you got home that evening, you didn't know whether you should cry or shout out of happiness. all of these random occurrences really made you believe in destiny. to celebrate, you took a hot shower and made yourself a gourmet dinner, in the form of your favorite instant ramen, only to sit down on the couch to watch some bad show on netflix. you were in the middle of a bite when you got a call. the caller-ID was unknown, but you already knew who it was. you quickly turned off the volume on the TV and put the bowl of noodles on the coffee table. "hello?", you answered. "hi, it's mingyu.. is this y/n?", he asked. "it is", you chuckled nervously, "hi." "i just put the girls to bed and... i just wanted to make sure you didn't give me a fake number.", he let out a small laugh. "mingyu, i'm really sorry about walking out on you.", you sighed. "no, i get it - you had your reasons.", he said, "it's not like i was being very nice by not letting you in on the fact that i have kids." "well, we didn't really spend much time talking...", you muttered, and succeeded in making mingyu laugh. "no, you're right. we should meet up again sometime." "we definitely should.", you bit your lower lip to contain your happiness, "maybe for a coffee or something? so that we could actually get to know each other." "that'd be fun.", he said, "i'll have to look in my schedule, i've been pretty busy lately." "oh, is that why your parents are picking up ji-u and ari?", you asked before thinking. "yeah..", he sighed, "i'd love to do it myself, but i almost never have the time. being a single dad is difficult." "i could imagine.", you hummed, "but if it helps, your daughters think the world of you." "thanks, y/n.", you could hear that he was smiling, "i'll try to pick them up more often... are you always there for pick up?" "don't try to change your schedule to come and see me while i'm at work.", you chuckled. "you caught me..", he said. "... i'm in charge of ji-u and ari's class on all days except mondays.", you said, "and i'll be there for their school play next week too." "shit, i forgot about the school play.", he groaned, "you know what? i'll make time for it - i just have to make a few calls..." "i'm sure they'll be very pleased if you show up.", you said with a smile, "those girls have worked extra hard, from what i've heard." you heard a young girl's voice in the background, crying. "sorry, y/n, ari's had a nightmare.", he sighed, "i'll see you soon." "don't forget about the play.", you said. "i won't."

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the next few days mingyu stopped by the school every afternoon to pick up his kids. he only missed it once, letting his parents go instead of him. you were always happy to see him when he arrived, and his smart daughters had taken note of it.

everybody had left the classroom, except for ji-u and ari as usual. you were keeping the busy with painting, when you noticed an unusual detail in ji-u's painting. "what are you making, ji-u?", you asked her. "a family portrait.", she said. you looked at the drawing, consisting of four people; two children and a couple. the twins had never met their birth mom, mingyu told you that she had died after giving birth, but there was a woman on the painting. you started internally freaking out, what if ji-u could see the ghost of her mother? there had been many movies made about children seeing ghosts. what if they were actually real? "oh... could you tell me who's who?", you asked carefully. "that's dad.", she pointed at the painting, "that's me and ari, and that's you." "me?", your face went red, "why am i in your family portrait, ji-u?" "because dad talks about you all the time.", ari said, showing you a similar family portrait, "and when dad comes to pick us up he always stays and talks with you." "you girls are attentive...", you muttered. "what does that mean?", ji-u asked. before you could say anything, mingyu knocked on the already opened door. he came in his usual fancy attire - which reminded you that you had yet to ask him what he does for a living. "gotta go, mom.", ari said and got out of her chair to run towards her dad. you looked over at mingyu, hoping that he hadn't heard what she had said, but of course he had. he opened his mouth to say something, and then quickly shut it again. ji-u and ari were gathering their things, and putting away any painting materials they had used. watching as mingyu approached you, you stood up without a second thought. "that happens all the time...", you laughed nervously. in truth, it had happened maybe once or twice this year - coming out of the mouths of tired first grade students. your third grade students normally didn't call you mom. "i'm really sorry, i think it's because they see us together so much and-" "it's because you keep talking about her at home.", ari said matter-of-fact, "she's like our mom now. she takes care of us when you aren't here, like a mom." mingyu's face and ears went red, as you looked over at him with a small smirk. "you talk about me, sir?", you teased. "maybe sometimes- you know, before they have to go to school i tell them to not cause any incidents for you.", he stammered out. "last night you asked if ms. y/l/n was sick.", ji-u said. "because you looked a bit tired.", he added, "and i care about this school's staff- as anyone should." "but you never talk about mr. hong.", ari said, "you only ask about ms. y/l/n." "alright girls, i think it's time for us to go home now.", mingyu said and tried to get them out the door. "but i want to stay with mom.", ari grinned widely, seemingly enjoying making her dad embarrassed. "well, i see where she gets her smile from.", you muttered. "i won't go if she doesn't.", ari folded her arms across her chest, and ji-u followed shortly. "girls, this is really inappropriate-" "i could go get something to eat right now...", you said, "you girls like cake, right?" the twins happily shouted yes. you looked over at mingyu, asking him if it was okay without speaking any words. he took a deep breath, and then nodded. "then let's go get some cake, ladies.", he said, and finally got the girls out of the classroom.

that's how you ended up in a cute little café, close to the school. you were sitting in a booth, as the twins happily ate their cake in front of you. "i got you a cappuccino, i hope that's fine.", mingyu said as he sat down next to you, placing two cups on the table. "more than fine, thank you.", you smiled at him, "... i can't believe i agreed to do this." "thank you, though.", mingyu took a sip of his coffee, "when ari has put her mind on something, she can't let it go." "i think it's a nice trait", you said, "and i can't be mad at her for finally getting me that coffee date with you." mingyu let out a soft chuckle. when you looked up from your drink, you could see the two young girls in front of you staring. "i'm glad that you can be our mom, ms. y/l/n.", ji-u said, "the other lady dad brought home wasn't as nice as you." other lady? you put down your cup and looked at mingyu, asking for an explanation with your gaze. "i was dating someone before i met you. that's pretty much why i was at the cabin in the first place.", he said and turned to the girls, "it isn't nice to talk about people behind their backs, okay? and ms. y/l/n isn't your mom." "why not?", ari asked. "... because...", he was struggling to get an answer, so you decided to help. "you know how when you like someone you... decide to become girlfriend and boyfriend?", you said and they both nodded, "okay, well - for adults there's a stage before that where we... basically get to know each other better by going out to do things." "like this?", ari asked. "... no, you usually spend time together alone.", you said and looked over at mingyu, "i haven't gotten to spend enough time with your dad." "then i think he needs to hurry up.", ji-u sighed. when you glanced over at mingyu, his face was as red as a tomato. suddenly, you understood why ari found it so fun to embarrass him. "yeah, he should hurry up.", you said with an innocent-looking smile, "but i'll forgive him because he's been so busy." "could he take you out to dinner tomorrow night, then?", mingyu asked. you looked over at the twins, who eagerly nodded yes. "sure, he could.", you said.

it was saturday evening, you were getting ready for dinner with mingyu. for a while you had been solely focusing on your work and a few netflix shows, but now you would finally get yourself out there. you decided to wear an old red dress, that was hanging in the back of your closet - barely ever used. mingyu said he would take you somewhere fancy, so you assumed it was the appropriate attire. for once, during these traumatic few years, you felt pretty, and subsequently happy. it wasn't right to base your happiness on your beauty, it would only end in catastrophe - but was it so wrong to feel glee over getting ready and genuinely liking what the mirror showed you? after spending months contemplating whether your ex-husband picked someone else because they were just more beautiful, was it wrong to feel happy about feeling pretty? it could be debated whether it was good in the long run, or was only temporary happiness that could crash all too suddenly. even if it was bad for you, it felt nice and you were going to take advantage of it.

as you closed the apartment complex' door behind you, you heard someone saying your name. when you turned around, mingyu was standing at the end of the street. "good evening.", you said with a small, slightly shy, smile. "hi...", he was drinking you up with his eyes, "you look absolutely stunning." his words made you feel giddy, the kind of feeling you get when you watch a very romantic movie with a handsome lead. "i thought i would dress up a bit for our first date", you remarked and nervously added, "and you look handsome, by the way." he was dressed to the nines, as usual, in his suit and tie. "thank you.", he snickered, "my daughters said i looked like i was going to work." "well, i don't mind a man in uniform.", you teased. the two of you stood there, staring at each other. there was no awkwardness, only deep-rooted romantic tension. he took your hand in his. then, he suddenly pulled a face as if he remembered something important. "shit, there's a cab down the street waiting for us!", he laughed, "let's go."

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the evening started out with drinks. as you had expected, the restaurant he took you to was fancy. you had been to these kind of places before, but it had been a while - and you had never been to this particular place. mingyu ordered the two of you white wine, to which you got a salmon appetizer to start with. it looked too pretty to be eaten, and it almost hurt to cut into. "it's been so long since i haven't just eaten instant ramen in my pajamas for dinner...", you muttered, only loud enough for mingyu to hear. "then we should make the most of this.", he chuckled and brought up his wine glass towards you, "cheers?" you put down your utensils, hiding your smile by gently tucking your bottom lip between your teeth. as you brought up your glass to meet his, mingyu gently touched his glass to yours - creating a cute "ding" sound. he brought his as you did the same with yours. "i feel so fancy..", you muttered out with a giggle as you put down your glass. before mingyu could answer, the waiter came to take away the appetizer and bring the main course. your eyes widened at the sight of the food. you thanked the waiter, who then left the two of you to eat. mingyu was looking at you with a soft smile, and when you met his gaze he didn't look away. "do you want to go dancing after this?", he asked suddenly. "dancing?", you said, "if i can still walk after this meal, then yes. i'll go dancing with you." mingyu looked satisfied with your answer, and finally started eating.

you didn't back away from your promise, and after a fulfilling meal you decided to go dancing with him. to you, dancing was going to a club and getting out on the dance floor - but that's not entirely what mingyu meant. the cab was driving pretty far, to a part of the city where you hadn't been before. although, you did find it familiar. the buildings grew bigger and the architecture more detailed. you turned to mingyu, who was busy with looking at the buildings just like you. "i forgot to ask you where we're going.", you said, bringing him out of his trance. "just a small place that offers couple dancing.", he said, "i think you'll like it." couple dancing.. you hadn't danced like that since your wedding, and you definitely didn't remember how you did it. "i'm not sure i would be very good at it.", you said, suddenly very anxious. "it's alright.", he put his hand on top of yours, "i'm not very good either." "mingyu, that doesn't make me feel better.", you let out a small, nervous laugh, "if neither of us can dance, then why are we going?" "... because it gives me a reason to stay with you for a bit longer.", he admitted. you couldn't argue with that. leaving hm after dinner seemed all too soon, especially since you didn't know when his busy schedule would let you see him again. you turned your hand around, intertwining your fingers with his. "as long as you don't drop me or anything... i think i'll be fine, then.", you smiled.

the cab stopped outside a big, beautiful building, with music pouring out of every window. on a sign outside the door it said "foxtrot night". mingyu noticed how your eyes lingered on the sign. "do you know foxtrot?", he asked with a chuckle. "not one clue...", you said, "do you?" "a bit", he shrugged, "but not nearly enough." already being a bit drunk, all you could do was giggle at his statement - there wasn't the smallest bit of worry in your body anymore. your arm was secured around mingyu's, as he was leading you inside the building - having a quick word with one of the staff members to get you in a bit quicker. before you could question if that was the right thing to do, you saw the dancing hall. it was huge, decorated almost as detailed as a big european, catholic church. people were on the big floor, dancing, and others were sitting at the tables surrounding the area. the staff member mingyu had spoken briefly with was leading you to one of said tables, placed in a corner and far from any other table. "do you want anything to drink?", mingyu asked as he helped you sit down. "i don't think that i can dance if i drink any more than i already have.", you admitted. "a water, then?", he said with a small smile. "that'd be nice.", you nodded. you watched as he walked over the bar. the bartender looked confused, but quickly handed him two glasses of water before returning to his other customers.

after spending some time talking, and sobering up ever so slightly, you decided that it was time to try your best at dancing. just then, the song that was currently playing faded out, and frank sinatra started playing - what song you didn't know, you were all too focused on mingyu's hand on your waist. his hand was snug in yours as he lead you across the dance floor. he was right, he wasn't very good at this - but neither were you, so you couldn't really complain.

"i haven't danced in so long.", you said between laughter. "oh yeah? i couldn't tell.", mingyu teased, "you've only stepped on my feet four times already." "i said i was sorry.", you giggled, "and you're not a lot better, you almost made us crash into another couple before." "key word being almost, right?", he smiled. he looked down at you, and for a moment you got lost in his eyes. your hand gently moved on his shoulder - grazing his neck with your finger tips. mingyu squeezed your waist. for a moment, he was only a man - and not some big shot ceo, with the pressure of the company resting on his shoulders. his eyes took you back to those two weeks in the forest, a version of him that was much more laid back than what you had gotten used to after seeing him in a suit every day. in front of you was just a man with happiness and youth in his eyes, and nothing to lose. the song came to it's end, and he let go of you to bow down and gently kiss your hand. "thank you for the dance, sweetheart.", he said, his voice like honey. "you're very welcome.", you smiled.

the two of you went back to your table, resting your feet for the next song. mingyu had taken off his jacket, letting it hang on the back of the chair. his hair was slightly messy, from his hands running through it frequently, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. your eyes couldn't leave the beautiful sight in front of you, and he was definitely aware of it. mingyu pulled his tie down ever so slightly, and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. he leaned across the small table to push a few strands of hair away from your face. you felt your face heat up at his touch, and you were trying with every fiber of your being to not lean into his hand. "cute.", he said. "what?", you asked. "you're cute.", he leaned his elbow against the table and looked at you with loving eyes, "you were really confident back at the cottage, but now you get so flustered." you scoffed at his comment, despite knowing that it was kind of true. when you had met him the first time around, you had been in a bad place - with the mentality of having nothing to lose. now you actually wanted to make this work, and found yourself being extra careful about everything. "well, it's been a while since then.", you said as an excuse, "maybe i've just changed." "i don't think so", he smiled, "but i'll let you believe it, since i really like this side of you." the next song started playing, and before you could respond to his comment, mingyu was dragging you back out to the dance floor.

after the last song, you were getting very tired. without a second thought, mingyu offered to take you home. as you got outside, he was about to call a cab, but you stopped him. "could we just walk for a bit?", you asked, "i think i'm in need for some fresh air." that was a lie. in reality, you just wanted to find another excuse to spend a bit more time with him. mingyu gladly accepted anyway, and the two of you started to walk in the direction of your apartment. the plan was to walk as far as your legs could take you, and take a cab when it started getting a bit too much.

the stars were bright in this side of town, seeing as it was closer to the suburbs than the city. the lack of pollution also brought you fresh air. mingyu grabbed your hand, and suddenly the light from the street lamps and the dark blue sky started blending together in a beautiful waltz. you looked over at him. his hair was still messy, and his jacket was still off, hanging on his arm. you couldn't understand how he wasn't freezing to death, as you were. "are you cold?", he asked, seemingly reading your mind. "a little.", you responded. with a quick motion, he wrapped his jacket around your shoulders and went back to holding your hand. with your free hand, you pulled the jacket tighter around you - smiling as you felt his scent engulfing you. when you looked back up at mingyu, he was smiling. his golden skin seemed to glow in the light of the street lamps, and his eyes sparkled as if the stars had somehow fallen in there. when he looked down at you, you didn't avert your gaze. instead you wrapped your arm around his, letting go of his hand in order to close the proximity between you. his eyes never left yours, and as you were about to tell him just how happy you were that you had found him again, someone interrupted. "is that you mingyu?" you looked over to the source of the voice, seeing wonwoo. he was standing under the street light, just a few feet in front oof you. next to him stood his wife, holding her pregnant belly lovingly. you watched as mingyu let go of you, walking up to the man in front of you, and giving him a handshake. you were frozen in your place, and when wonwoo finally looked at you, you wanted to scream. he looked the same as he did when you had met him in the metro last week. "y/n?", he asked. you gave him a half-assed smile, and a greeting to him and his wife. mingyu looked back at you, then at wonwoo, and you could see the realization hit him. "oh wait, you're the mingyu that y/n's seeing?", wonwoo asked with a surprised smile, "what a small world, huh?" you had forgotten that you had lied to wonwoo that day in the metro, and now everything around you was crashing. luckily, mingyu didn't comment on it. you took a better look at wonwoo, noticing his daughter in his arms. she was fast asleep, as wonwoo held her close to his chest. you suddenly remembered, a long time ago, that wonwoo had told you of a kim mingyu - the ceo of a rivalling company. the fact that you hadn't puzzled it together yet was embarrassing. you also realized why the neighborhood was so familiar. the jeon family didn't post many pictures of their neighborhood at night, but you should've realized anyway. you watched as the two men spoke with each other, never really listening and wishing that you could melt into the concrete ground below you.

as they left you muttered out a weak good-bye. they got into wonwoo's car and drove off to the suburbs near by. you were left standing there, looking after a car that wasn't even visible any more. mingyu wrapped his arms around your shoulders, hugging you from behind, and you carefully leaned into him. "so that's the guy?", he muttered. "it is.", you said, "isn't she beautiful?" "who? gyeong-hui?" "no.. the baby.", you felt your eyes tearing up, "even when she was sleeping, she looked like a bundle of joy." mingyu was quiet, but he hugged you a bit closer to his chest. you wiped away a tear from your cheek before it could fall to the ground. you wanted to hate that child, along with gyeong-hui, but you couldn't. gyeong-hui seemed to be kind, the type of woman that wonwoo's family would definitely approve of, and the child was... well, you couldn't bring yourself to hate a child in the first place. moreover, the way that wonwoo held the baby so protectively made you think of the family you really wanted. you were jealous, but more so confused - how could you still feel love for him? the years you spent together obviously can't just disappear from your memory, but did they have to be so persistent? "i hope they're happy.", you got out of his grip, "i'm really sorry mingyu, but could you call that cab now?" "of course, of course.", mingyu got his phone out of the pocket of his trousers. you wanted to ask him about his relationship to wonwoo, but it wasn't the right time to do so. instead, you gathered yourself and got ready to pretend like nothing happened. mingyu put his phone back in his pocket. "they'll be here shortly.", he said, "do you want to talk about... what happened?" "hm? what happened?", it didn't cross your mind that he might want to hear about it, "it's alright, nothing happened." mingyu grabbed your hands in his, gently tracing small figures on the back of your hand with one of his thumbs. you looked up at him, meeting his gaze. he looked a bit worried, but put on a warm smile. "it's not fun meeting someone from the past. especially if they treated you poorly.", he said, "if you don't want to talk about it, i don't mind, but you should know that i'm really sorry for putting you in that situation. had i known i wouldn't-" "it's alright, mingyu.", you said with a reassuring smile, "you didn't know." the two of you stood there, still holding each others hands. you felt yourself relax again, but you hadn't even realized that you were tense in the first place. after a moment of nothing but silence and warm smiles, mingyu spoke again. "so do you mind telling me why jeon wonwoo seems to know about us?". he grinned. "i told him i was seeing someone new when i met him at the metro a week or so ago.", you admitted with a sigh, "i don't know why i said your name... i'm sorry." "it's alright, i don't mind him thinking that.", he said, "and if you want me to never mention it again, i won't." you gave him a a small, crooked, smile - you probably looked like a mess by now but, by the look in mingyu's eyes, he didn't seem to mind. he took away one of his hands from yours, and reached for your face, gently cupping your cheek.

by the time you got home that night, you had partially forgotten about wonwoo. mingyu made sure to get you happy and smiling brightly again, even if it was just for a short cab ride. as you left the car, you felt like the sun was perched on your shoulders - warmth spreading through your body, and light emitting from your smile. "goodnight, sweetheart.", mingyu said from inside the cab. you were leaning against the open door. he had tried to get outside the car to say goodbye, but you assured him that it wasn't necessary. as you handed him his jacket, he put his hand on yours and gently tugged at you to lean further down. "would it be very inappropriate of me to kiss you right now?", he asked quietly, "because i would really like to, but only if you feel-" you broke the distance, and before he could say another word kissed him quickly. when you leaned back up mingyu's eyes were still closed. "thank you for tonight.", you said, "i really needed a night out." "anything for you.", he said without thinking, only realizing the meaning of the words after he spoke them. he cleared his throat and turned away from you to hide his flustered face. the cab driver asked if he was going to have to wait there all night, in a half-joking manner, and mingyu quickly apologized. "goodnight, mingyu.", you said with a small, teasing grin. "i'll see you soon.", he answered.

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part three coming soon !!

[malleux]

Running with the Wolves [4]

masterlist ; << | >>

-> Pairing: Yuri Leclarc x Fem!Reader

-> Modern!Au | Gang!Au | Enemies to Friends to Lovers

-> Word Count: ~1.3k

-> Warnings: Cursing, Inappropriate Jokes

-> Summary: You were just a normal college student, trying to find her way in a new place. You didn't mean to get caught up in the wrong crowd. You just wanted coffee, but now you're running with the wolves.

a/n: i actually lost my taglist and idk if the people on the previous chapters still want to be on it! so please, please, please, if you were on the original taglist and still want to be notified- or if you’re new and want to be notified of new chapters- send me an ask, a message, or a reply! these are the only two i can remember who wanted to be on it.

You were never a morning person. The idea of waking up before 9 was a nightmare to you- even 9 was a little too early for your liking.

When you woke up early for classes, you were grumpy. You had an attitude with everyone who approached you, even Ellie. Everyone knew not to mess with you in the mornings.

But here, standing in Yuri's bedroom at 7:30am, you had no place to get an attitude.

Hapi was knelt at the bedside, carefully helping her injured leader sit up. He winced slightly with every movement, obviously not wanting to show weakness in front of his teammates. Unfortunately for Yuri, though, his members weren't idiots. Even you could see the flinches and tight breaths that he harbored in his chest every time he had to move and quite frankly, it was pitiful.

Hiram's eyes hadn't left you from the moment you entered Yuri's room where they all had congregated. Hapi insisted on wrapping Yuri's bandage first to reach you what do you. You were thankful- you'd never played nurse before. Especially not to a gunshot wound.

The room was quiet. Tense. You could feel everyone's weariness as Yuri slowly laid back in the bed, once more hiding his pain. Hapi patted the blankets and stood up, facing you.

"If the wound starts bleeding again, reinforce it with some dry bandages. Don't take it off if it's not bleeding. If it is, don't take it off until it's done bleeding. Yuri's had enough wounds, unfortunately, so he can help you gauge those things. We cleaned the dirt and shit out last night, so you shouldn't have to worry too much about cleaning it. Just- don't run off again. Please."

You heard the exasperation in her voice and nodded. Rhys held his hand out to you- in it, a small flip phone. You took it cautiously, still not forgetting how the silent man sliced you yesterday, and fiddled with the piece of technology.

"It's a burner phone. We'll call you after visiting both the Blue Lions and Golden Deer to give an update. Afterwards, destroy it. If you need to contact us, there's one number in the contacts list. Text it and just say the code "9653". We'll call back on a public phone. Do not use any specific words that could give away anything. Be subtle in case someone's listening. I'm smart enough to figure out what you're saying." Hiram explained.

Sensing how you absolutely refused to look at, or even acknowledge, Hiram's presence, Hapi continued. "We're about to leave. This is your last chance to redeem yourself, so we hope that you'll make the right decision. Remember, Y/N, we're not going to hurt you."

You nodded, eyes flickering to Yuri's frame. He seemed almost child-like laying in the large king bed, his eyes half-lidded as he listened to his members speak. He met your gaze and you quickly looked away, watching as the Wolves filed out of the room.

Hapi placed her hand on your shoulder. "Yuri's a little difficult to get along with, but he has good intentions. Take care of him."

"Yeah!" Hiram cackled from the hallway, "Make it up to him. Make him some breakfast, give him some head- OW!"

Hapi shook her head. "There's plenty of food in the fridge. Don't order take-out, don't have any form of outside communication besides us. Don't go looking for your phone either, Hiram destroyed it."

"Wait- he what?!" You called out, but they were gone. The house was silent after Hapi had locked the doors completely. You turned to Yuri, who was still glaring at you. "Do you want breakfast?"

"I'd like to be with my team."

Your lips pulled into a tight line and you sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Alright, I'm sorry." When he quirked an eyebrow, you explained. "I- I didn't mean to shoot you. I was scared, and I meant for it to be just a warning shot. My hands were shaking and I didn't even aim. I didn't want to hit anyone."

Yuri stayed quiet, still analyzing your form as you played with your fingers. He looked rather cute, laying there with the soft comforter stopping just below his nose. Only his eyes and the top of his head peaked out, making him seem like a pouting child. A pouting child with a gun and years of combat experience, but a child nonetheless.

"I want pancakes."

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Hapi was right- there were an abundance of ingredients in the kitchen of the house, ready for you to use. But there was just one problem.

You had no clue how to make pancakes.

Flour, eggs, butter, and baking powder sat on the counter, untouched by your hands as you wracked your brain. You didn't have a phone to look up a recipe. Hiram would probably kill you if you used one of his computers. The flip phone was for emergencies only, and definitely didn't have any pancake recipes hidden in the notes section.

You sighed, deciding to grab a few measuring cups. Then, you stared at the ingredients again. While lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice a certain purple-haired asshole limping into the kitchen and plopping himself down at the table. He watched you for a moment.

"You know you actually have to cook, right? Pancakes don't just make themselves while you watch."

"Fuck-" You jumped and whipped around, the measuring cup flying out of your grip and landing on the floor. "What are you doing up? You need to be resting."

"Do you even know how to make pancakes?"

Your eye twitched. He was ignoring your questions. "I- Of course I do! Now go back to bed before your wound reopens. How did you even get up, anyways? Not even twenty minutes ago you were struggling to sit up."

"I'm a miracle boy. Now, make pancakes."

You huffed and faced your mess again. In a wild guess, you grabbed the measuring cup once more and reached for the milk carton. Two cups should be okay, right?

"You're doing liquids first? Interesting. That's not how my mother taught."

"Then tell me, Yuri, how did your mother make pancakes?" You seethed through your teeth.

The man only grinned and leaned his cheek against his palm. "I'm glad you asked. There's no harm in admitting you're clueless. First, do the dry ingredients. Flour, baking powder, all of that."

You're a dry ingredient, you bit back from saying. Yuri might not be in good shape to fight if you launched yourself at him from across the kitchen, but you didn't miss the glint of the handgun that rested against his hip. The same one you had used to shoot him.

“Now put in the eggs and milk and shit.” Yuri gave you more measurements and ingredients and soon enough, you had pancakes on a plate and were serving them to the charity case that sat across from you at the table. He was quiet as he ate, and to you the tense silence was unbearable. You had to break it.

“These are good- you said your mom taught you how to make them like this? What was she like?” You flinched at the look Yuri gave you, immediately regretting asking.

“She was the one person in my life who I could just be myself around. Not Yuri, the leader of the Ashen Wolves, not Yuri, the man who’s killed more than his members combined, just Yuri, her son. My mom was the best woman to ever exist.” He spoke intensely, and you could see just how much he loved her.

“Was?”

“She- she’s missing.” Yuri closed his eyes and placed his fork down, standing up. “I’m going back to bed. Uh, thanks.”

You nodded and began gathering the plates together, bringing them to the sink to wash them. You were fully aware that Yuri had stopped in the doorway and was observing you as you cleaned. He cleared his throat.

“And Y/N. Just so you know, none of us chose this life. We’re all in the Wolves for a reason. We’ve all got our own goals and plans. Don’t be quick to judge.”

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taglist: @dimitrimidim @emperor-pizza

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[eragonpaolini]

ok I am interested in hearing about the mouse novel you started in 3rd grade

For anyone wondering what this is about, I mentioned this story a couple times in the tags, I don’t even remember on what posts lol. It took a minute to dig it up but I finally found it, wasn't even on my computer, it was on my backup drive lol. I’m gonna liveblog my reactions to it. Probably gonna be a long post, so

It's bad. It's very bad. I thought I started it in like 3rd or 4th grade or something but I found the earliest version in my 2009 folder which was 6th grade for me 😭. I don't think I was that bad at writing in 6th grade but it's really very bad. We're talking worse than My Immortal bad. It's possible I started it earlier and moved it to more recent folders over time (cause I took like 3 years to write like 6 pages lmao) but this is worrisome. I also found updated versions in my 2010 and 2011 folders which went up to 8 pages whoo! (But somehow only 2k words for the longest versions??) The "last modified" date is worthless cause I've moved it between like 3 computers and 5 flash drives/backups so all the versions say 2017.

That being said, there is a very marked improvement in the writing quality over those 8 pages that I'm almost proud of. That last page is frankly perfectly readable as a novel written for 8-12 year olds, though the story structure still needs a ton of work.

Oh shit, I just dug into the file metadata and found out it was created in May 2007, so 4th grade! Whew! I have an excuse for how bad it is. The newest version was last modified in April 2011 so that totally explains why it's so much better towards the end. Huh, just noticed I actually updated the intro in the most recent version, which makes it slightly more palatable lmao.

Well now that I've finished liveblogging my detour down memory lane, what the hell's the story about?

A town called Miceville exists in the lowest sub-basement of a human apartment building. The main character (named Cheddar Squigee) gets himself into a predicament, lost in the wilderness due in part to his own bad decisions and in part because of his older brother's dumbassery. Hopelessly stranded with no hope for rescue while his family is worried sick looking for him, Cheddar goes on an adventure with ghost pirates to find some treasure and save them from their curse (because I’d just watched Pirates of the Caribbean), before eventually reuniting with his family. I only got as far as the “he got stranded” bit with the beginnings of lore for the ghost pirates.

Some highlights from the story:

I think the very idea of a mouse story came from me reading some Geronimo Stilton books around that time. Look them up if you haven’t heard of them, they’re great books in my memory from when I was like 10 so I’m sure they’ll hold up over a decade later /s

There’s an “I didn’t know you could read” reference to Harry Potter

The entire ghost pirates thing is obviously lifted from PotC which I think is just hilarious

There’s a Clip Art pic of a mouse on one of the pages :)

The entire thing is written in Comic Sans font except for two parts which are 1) The chapter titles which are in Impact (that meme font fyi) and 2) The main title which is in the old MS Office 2003 WordArt lmao

Some lowlights:

I was a Brand Shill™, for Lamborghini of all things

I made Cheddar’s brother a major dick and a dumbass, which absolutely was not at all inspired by my relationship with my IRL brother, not one bit. There is nothing for a therapist to unpack there.

I don’t know why I specified the mouse city was in the sub-basement of a human apartment. The humans were never supposed to make an appearance or have any impact to the story. I could just have easily made it a full mouse world like Redwall or whatever.

Everything happens so fast (what is pacing and plot structure?) so if I finished the story at the current pace I don’t think it would break 30k words, not even a novel.

Anyway, thank you so much for giving me an excuse to take a couple of hours looking at this crappy story I wrote over a decade ago. No, no one can read it it’s still very bad.

[samtheflamingomain]

25.21%

I've been sober for 3 months today. 92 days. 25.21% of 2021.

I could've posted more updates, more milestones (it took a LOT not to post on Day 69) but I wanted to kind of save it up for a Big Day. It was also a decent way to continue to incentivize my continued sobriety: a full pass to do a shameless, hardcore bragging sesh.

Anyway, this post comes in 2 parts: the TL;DR for those who only want the gist, then more in depth on my ability to stay sober, the lasting effects of rehab, etc.

I tried my damnedest to pare this absolute novel down, but it's long, so feel free to dip out if you just get bored. Onward!

TL;DR: I went to rehab the beginning of July for 3 weeks and haven't had a drop of alcohol since. I've lost weight, I'm more healthy, my daily anxiety level went from 8 to 2, I haven't had an anxiety attack in 3 months, and everything generally just seems... easier. My memory and concentration have improved. I've been productive and I've been meditating every day. I'm saving money, and while I sometimes fantasize about getting drunk, that's usually all it is.

Honestly, it's been much easier than I expected, but I think a lot of that is because for the first 3 weeks, the time in which I would usually break down and start drinking again when trying to get sober myself, was spent behind a locked door. So far I haven't had any days where I was close to giving in. I haven't had many days where I've been depressed about it, missing it or really tempted. Maybe 3-4. I've basically just gotten on with my life as if alcohol doesn't exist.

To wrap up the short version for those ready to peace out, I'll leave it with a bit of advice.

I don't feel qualified to give any specific advice, because my story feels very unique to me, and I honestly don't think what worked for me will work for MOST people. Sometimes people spend a year in rehab and still drive straight to the liquor store on their way home.

That said, there's one thing that I've found pretty universally true: you have to really want it. For a while, I floated about without much of a "reason" to stay sober. I don't have a spouse, kids or a job I've been fired from, so I didn't see the point.

It's taken me a while, but after not being "convinced" by a few superficial "reasons" like weight loss and saving money, I thought I needed something more... permanent? Consequential? I now realize that my "reason" for getting sober at a young age after only a few years of alcoholism is that I don't want it to get to a point where I'm hurting other people, drinking myself into multiple lasting health problems... I don't want it to become permanent or consequential.

Anyway, that's my two cents. If you do have something like kids or trouble keeping a job, definitely use that as your reason. But for anyone who's a pretty "functional" alcoholic like I was, "not letting it go on long enough to become disfunctional" is a good enough reason.

This is going to get stupid long, so feel free to walk away now, just glad you read this much and it really does mean the world when people listen to what I have to say.

Now some more things in depth. I'll go in chronological order: what made me get sober, what I took from rehab (and what I left), and how it's been the past few months.

I started drinking when I got kicked out, manic out of my mind and homeless unable to sleep. It took a while until I was able to sleep without alcohol, but by then the addict brain had taken over. I'd tried a few times to get sober myself, but I never made it more than a week without, and always got back to daily drinking after a few months maximum.

Some people need a "wake up call", a "last straw" or a "rock bottom". Something external to make them realize they can't go on as they are. For me, the catalyst was my health, which is more of an internal reason I suppose. I didn't have a heart attack or liver failure, but my anxiety was getting uncontrollable and I knew it was directly tied to my drinking.

My life had been starting to feel tolerable, and I was more financially secure than ever before. Things were looking up... except for the alcoholism. This is a weird analogy but the only one that makes sense to express why, if I was doing so well on paper, I decided to go to rehab: you have to sweep before you mop. If I hadn't been in the place I was, I don't think I would've been successful at rehab. I had to sweep up the cat turds from the floor of my life before I was able to mop up the shit stains with sobriety. I know, I'm a true wordsmith.

When I finally called the hotline that hooked me up with a bunch of different rehabs, I knew I was in for a wait. It was about 5 months from that call to checking in, which isn't too bad considering I've been on the waitlist for a neuropsychiatrist in ALL OF CANADA for 4 years.

That brings us to July 12th, Rehab Day One. I've gone in depth in multiple other posts but to touch on it briefly, if I had to describe my experience in a sentence I'd say "the place I went to got very lucky with me".

What this means is that, of the 5 people in my group, I think this exact program was only ever going to help me. At the same time, I didn't even know what I would need, but this exact program was 90% of it. I didn't think 3 weeks would be long enough, but for me it was. The hours-long, repetitive, basic-ass CBT groups held 5 times a day 7 days a week was absolute torture for everyone but myself. While it was a drag to spend an hour on defining what a cognitive distortion is, the routine and repetition, something I've never gotten out of any outpatient program, helped me to really absorb the information and let it rewire my brain.

I've always said that I'm someone who should be spending an hour a day with a therapist for the rest of my life, and while that's not even remotely feasible, this was as close as it's ever gotten, and it proved me right, because it worked. I've done biweekly therapy for a short time but even that didn't come close to the way my brain changed in those 3 short weeks.

This program required absolute commitment and open-mindedness. This isn't because it was hard work or difficult concepts, but quite the opposite. While I hate the entire concept of art therapy being used as a cure-all for mental illness, I willingly got out of my bed, went downstairs and tried doing a dot mandala for an hour because I'm willing to try anything to get better. A lot of people might think they are, but really aren't. To use the mandala as an example, one guy was really into it, I wasn't, but we both finished. The other 3 tried, messed up a few times, and then scrolled through their phones. When I say this program necessitates complete engagement, that's not a compliment. It shouldn't be a chore to engage with the program. It shouldn't take me actively saying "I know I've known this basic concept since 4th grade, but maybe hearing it again will help" to get something out of a rehab program. So again, in every way, I got lucky, and so did they.

Before I finish with the rehab section, having had a few months to reflect on the whole thing, I now have an endless list of things wrong with it. I arrived, greeted by the most jaded and disillusioned of staff, and quickly became disturbed and at points concerned with just how negligent the staff are.

Maybe it's because I've been on the psych ward where they won't even let you have shoelaces and shine a flashlight on your face every half hour through the night, but it could've been so incredibly easy to sneak in alcohol. I brought 2 full water bottles, fully expecting to have to dump them out upon arrival, but they said "nah it's fine". Is it though?

Then there were actual counsellors there who were... okay. I recall one, the one I thought was the smartest, reading a handout aloud and coming across the word "delve" as in "let's delve into..." and stumbled, then said she doesn't know that word. The room was silent. As she pulled up Google on the screen I said, "it means to dive into it". She Googled it anyway. Synonyms include "dive in". If that was the only example I wouldn't mention it, but this was the first of at least 10 words she had do Google, none past a 10th grade level, from HER OWN MATERIAL. From that point on it became clear that they had no fucking idea what they were doing.

We had one last one-on-one counselling session before we left and the counsellor just filled in boxes to questions on her computer, rephrasing everything I said to fit into the buzzwords and "lessons" we'd "learned". Example. Me: I do think I'm better able to catch myself thinking 'oh I can just have one drink' and say 'no I can't'." Her: "Okay, so would you say that you can recognize negative cognitive distortions like permission-giving thoughts and counter them with a more rational and less emotional mind?" Like girl, blink twice if your boss is holding your family hostage. She gave me some papers, detailing all the online courses they were signing me up for and options for more treatment they'd be sending me, a phone number to call and a phone appointment for the next Monday. I never got that call, the phone number is a hotline, I never got a single email from them, and given how shitty they really are at their jobs, I didn't feel the inclination to try and get those resources. If they even exist in the first place.

In summation, it was a place where it was physically impossible to get alcohol. That's really all I can say in its favor. Oh, and they let you have your cell phone.

Now on our timeline I'm back home. I want to kind of analyze why it's been easy for me.

I often said that my main goal of going to rehab was to lock me away from alcohol long enough for it to reset my brain. Most people thought that was naïve, but that's exactly what happened. But I'm well aware that my experience of "instantly became sober and literally hasn't had a single hard day in 3 months" is absurdly unusual.

I put this down to a few things. Firstly, I'm on seven different meds for my mental health. Almost all of them have their effects dulled or even eliminated when you drink. So when I noticed my mood, fatigue, memory, concentration etc all getting better at once - right about as I left rehab, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that all those meds started working properly.

Secondly, I've been keeping myself busy, but that's something I've always been good at. Now I specifically choose to undertake projects that will eat up a lot my time and put me in a state of flow. I recently made an entire card game from scratch, and let me tell you, I didn't think of alcohol for a week.

Thirdly, my other goals now get in the way of alcohol. I'm getting old and my body is deteriorating. But I've always wanted to do just one last season of gymnastics. Well, I need to lose weight for that to happen. I've already lost 35 pounds, and after another 20 I'll be ready to go. Also, I used to spend more on alcohol per month than rent. Even though I've done a few shopping sprees lately, I haven't come remotely close to how much I was spending before.

I want it more than anything. I want to be sober more than I want one night of "fun" that will more likely than not lead me back to where I was a year ago. I never want to need anything as much as I needed alcohol.

Lastly, just a few more random thoughts.

A lot of people, myself included, worried about the fact that I work at a bar as a cook, but honestly the entire time I'm there I'm thinking about food, not alcohol. If I'm hanging out with some regulars before/after, I can watch them drink and be perfectly fine with my coffee, because the coffee is $2, and I used to spend $20 after every work shift.

I also decided in rehab to start taking better care of myself as best I could. This started with getting my second vax which I'd been putting off, then an eye appointment, then new glasses, then a dentist appointment where I was informed I need to do $3000 worth of work on my implant that's erroding my bone matter, so that sucks, but I caught it early. I've also been meditating every day. In just 3 months, I've made pretty big improvements to my self-care and my daily routine.

One of my fears about sobriety was "missing out" on "having fun". A few days ago, all my housemates got together to play Mario Party, and it was kind of my first night doing something social while sober. It was a breath of fresh air - I wasn't constantly running to piss, I didn't worry about running out of alcohol, I didn't get sloppy and obnoxious as I can sometimes do. I even came very very close to winning my first game of MP. When I reflected on the night, I realized that, if I'd been getting drunk the whole time, I would've sucked at the minigames, been a hindrance to anyone unfortunate enough to be teamed with me, and likely would've stopped caring about the game itself after the first few turns.

Yesterday I was making my 4th pot of coffee of the day when I realized there was a full glass of wine just sitting on the counter. I had absolutely no idea where the hell it came from - nobody in my house drinks wine. I shrugged and poured that sweet sweet bean juice. It was only when I sat down and took a sip of coffee did I find myself thinking automatically, "this tastes so much better than wine". I only realized then that it had been rose wine, the only kind I've ever been able to tolerate. It was the ultimate moment of possible temptation, and the thought of just chugging that glass - as I may've done in the past - didn't even cross my mind.

I'm so glad to be where I am. I'm about to undergo some serious financial changes - i.e. going absolutely broke - but drinking isn't gonna help that, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.