#if not itll have to wait for next week and this week ill do a wrapup and october tbr

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

[motto-chanto-itte]

plotting graphs how does it feel to be the WORST GODDARN TOPIC IN THE ENTIRE GODDAMN SYLLABUS ?

[wkdwtchoftheest]

I released my book review for The Road by Cormac McCarthy!

I think I did better in this video than the last (meaning I actually wrote a script, lol).

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[theosconfessions]

oops ...we're doing it again??

this time on birth control.

i had to. lolol

SCARLETTS LOVE IS EMBARRASSING BC CHALLENGE 🩷

im about to time jump in the next few weeks...so im throwing this out into the universe if anyone wants to join in on the chaos and the stephens continued

we're coming full circle here. Scarlett's father,Theo, has done two bachelor challenges in his life.Her being the product of one and his lasting marriage being the product of another. But can Scarlett have the same luck as her father? Wait is that luck? Either way after absolutely annihilating him on a tiktok live for his choices he made throughout the series but also afterwards. will she be any different? or will she follow in her fathers footsteps and be a theo incarnate? follow a young adult scarlett on her love is embarrassing bc in tartosa

RULES:

boys/girls/agender-all are welcome- no occults as the werewolves always startle me. lol. cc is good :)

no love traits. any other traits are fine.

backstories are welcome because itll help me shape the story arc of this bc.

all interactions will be on their own accord/i will probably end up making poses bc i cant help myself

scarlett will be on birth control because hot damn we know how this can get.

you gotta be okay with some dramz. scarlett is a little rough. especially as an adult.

ive already had some lovelies make me some GORGEOUS sims which ive already accepted :3 sims can be sent to me privately if you can :3

but im accepting entries until

JANUARY 4 🩷

either send me an ask/dm with their cc/tray files or tag me :3

i may move the deadline back depending. ill reblog this a few times and also add some sneaky young adult scar piccies :3 ill make an up to date character sheet for the time jump for scar as well.

lets see how many side eyes theo can give his daugher because of it! hes going to eat this UP.

also if you love your simmie that you submit and they end up together ..ill 100 percent send you scar so they can be messy together in your game :3 its so much funner that way.

[discord-emote-customs]

ive decided to change what im doing for the 400 follower milestone . instead of a line of polls , im going to do something else ;

this weekend only (saturday/sunday) i will take any requests regarding characters from media .

this does NOT include ocs ; this is only characters that are from a widespread media (undertale , hazbin hotel , etc)

at the end of today , i will be turning off the ask box in order to hopefully clear up space for the character requests . it will turn back on friday night so its on for saturday .

once it hits saturday , you can send in any requests you want to see about your favorite characters . on monday , i will shut off the ask box and will continue to have it shut off so i can finish every request gotten to me so far . i cant say when it will turn back on , but i am estimating hopefully two weeks (this time frame because i am getting my wisdom teeth removed next week wednesday , so things might slow for that)

if youre hesitating on a request , i suggest you send it in before the shut off tonight or the shut off monday morning , as ive got 20 requests backed up currently and with the character requests opening for the milestone , itll probably be more which means itll take longer .

the character requests will not be prioritized over other requests , so dont worry about waiting longer for those .

no character requests will be taken before the weekend and theyll still be deleted , so dont send any in now thinking ill still take it . set a reminder .

thank you guys so much for 400 followers . i never thought this blog would even grow to 200 , let alone twice that so quickly ! you guys dont know just how happy this makes me that people enjoy my art so much 🫶

[teddy-feathers]

its funny. i feel so... good off.my meds. probably because i dont care about anything. i did for a while and it was crippling but now im just. metaphorically setting things on fire and watching them burn and it feels good. this thing that hurt me for so long isnt going to be a problem anymore. why would i want to go back to that.

but i took my meds tonight. and maybe ill take them for a while and itll fix me. and ill care again. and itll be a problem but.

im so happy why do i have to go back to giving a shit.

i guess im not happy happy. i mean. i cant find interest to do anything fun. but its such a load off not to care. and its made me realize theres shit in my life i dont want to do. nevermind that i need something to tide me over until i can do things i want. i dont like suffering and thats what this is

i think. ill wait until next week to face the music. and then deal with the fallout. maybe call my shrink idk.

[quodekash]

AAAAAA HIDDEN AGENDA ITS FINALLY HERE

I CRIED WHILE WATCHING THE TRAILER TWO WEEKS AGO AND IM STILL NOT SURE WHY, BUT I DO KNOW THAT IM FREAKING EXCITED FOR IT SO LETS GOOOO

friends and foes, ladles and gentlespoons, humans and robots and aliens, i present to you: the very first line in this entire series.

truly eye-opening.

same.

also LOUIS

HELLO LOUIS

ILY LOUIS

dunk with glasses is a gift we dont deserve but we do love it and are eternally grateful for it

boy you're whipped already

IM CRYING

WHY AM I CRYING AT THAT

HES JUST STARING AT HIM WHY IS THAT CAUSE FOR TEARS

why are people attractive.

we have this bitch. we have dunk in glasses.

im dying over here.

"i booked the studio. and you're over by 5 minutes. how would you pay me back?" idk man, i think you should make out for 5 minutes. it only seems fair.

BRO I WAS KIDDING WHY ARE YOU STEPPING THAT CLOSE TO HIM

OISHI SPONSORSHIP

(welcome to my blog, im obsessed with oishi despite never having tried it (YET, ill find an asian grocer with it one day))

THEM

IM PRETTY SURE THEYRE ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I CRIED DURING THE TRAILER

I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH

is this the library from my engineer.

it is not the library from my engineer :(

ITS SUCH SIMPLE HUMOUR BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

bro louis' character is such a mood in this

what is it with characters called pat and being me-coded

interesting book placement, right next to the book theyre looking for

i get that its in the political section but i like that 'gender violence' and 'violence against lesbians and gay men' and 'breaking the silence: violence against women in asia' are just right there, like gmmtv is trying to say something

idk what theyre saying, im too tired to decipher it, but i think thats pretty interesting

anyway

AJ IS SO TALL AND LOUIS IS SO SHORT AND ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

dO YOU MEAN PRANSOCOOL????

pls theyre gossiping about him on the bus and they have no idea that HES ON THE BUS and his reactions are so funny, i love him so much

nice. very casual. he'll have no idea that you like him.

THEYRE BOTH SO PRETTY

AND ALSO HOT

AND ATTRACTIVE

AND SO PRETTY

I LOVE THEM

I LOVE PEOPLE

IM TOO PAN FOR THIS, SEND HELP

WITH WHO???

IS IT PERHAPS WITH UH

THE CHARACTER PLAYED BY AOU? i forgot his name

g u y

not kidding, guy is literally his actor's name

G U Y

i think it's entirely unfair that joong is so pretty and attractive AND he's so talented at singing. its very rude

awww he caught him

REASSURING BACK RUBS WHILE HE THROWS UP THATS SO SWEET

IF THIS LINE GETS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT IM--

oh you think he's so cute (you're right)

HSDFSDFSHDFDS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS

that conversation was literally

"punch yourself" "okay." "wait dont punch yourself" "so youve forgiven me?" "nope. now come with me to a room where itll just be us two and i'll probably end up serenading you with my voice and guitar, and itll leave you feeling really confused"

like. what the hell.

HIS HAIR IS SO PRETTY

kiss.

b r o

theyre so queer and i cannot deal with it

ITS SO UNFAIR HOW PRETTY HE IS

bro is just being so upfront about stuff, gosh damn. i could never.

also that line reminded me of "i just like to see your face (when you lose)" from bad buddy

THE EPISODE IS OVER ALREADY??

he's gay, hun, that's gonna be a little bit difficult

THAT WAS A LOVELY START TO THE SERIES

im not quite obsessed with it yet, but i suppose thats because there hasnt been a side couple introduced yet, and i am an unfortunate example of Side Couple Syndrome, BUT as of currently, joke and zo are lovely and joongdunk are lovely and this series seems lovely, and i am very excited for episode 2

[causenessus]

GOOD MORNING 🗣️🗣️ i know its like 6 something am but we're gonna ignore that bc i physically cannot fall back asleep (curse insomnia)!! make sure you eat enough today and drink water! idk when you're gonna answer this ask but im assuming at nighttime like usual so dont forget to take your meds 🙂‍↕️

omg recently ive been having matcha a concerning amount like i went to an asian store like a WEEK ago and now like every day im making something with it... it's probably fine though?? i wasnt even a big matcha enthusiast before but i remembered seeing a post from you and literally all it said was matcha break and i was like "hm! that sounds pretty good tbh now i want matcha." so here i am, after buying matcha. addiction isn't pretty/j

ANYWAY when i was trying to fall asleep i randomly remembered when u put up a shelf and accidentally messed up a tag on your post about it😭 i think it said something like "if you're rintarou suna i don't care" and when i read it i was like oo that's not! and then u reblogged it with the correction BUT APPARENTLY IM THE EXCEPTION ‼️ i think we got married under that post LMAOAOAO so i remembered all of that when i was trying to fall asleep and then i js started laughing it was so stupid omg,, pushed back my sleeping like 15 minutes but it was worth it bc it was funny

SO ITS MY FIRST DAY BACK TO SCHOOL TODAY OH MY GOSH 😨 itll probably fine im just dramatic but theres sm people i do NOT wanna see. like keep them far away from me or ill flip my shit type of not wanna see 🥰 so thats always fun yk! we're in this together now ness 🙂‍↕️

HAVE A GOOD DAY!! <333

HELLO HELLO SAV!!! i'm sorry for how long it took me to answer your ask </33 PLEASE MAKE SURE TO EAT AND DRINK AND TAKE YOUR MEDS AS WELL!! THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVE <3

matcha addictions are really not pretty LMAO for my wallet or anything else but honestly i love it!! and i'm so happy to have converted you!!! they're super super good i actually love that their bitter and honestly i will drink any matcha no matter if it's sweet or unsweetened 😭😭 my addiction is so bad that i even drink like two a day usually but at least....it's energizing...!!!!! so i hope you're enjoying your matchas <33

AND LMAO THE WAY I BURST OUT LAUGHING ABOUT THAT STORY YOU WERE REMEMBERING 😭😭😭 I'M GLAD TO HAVE MADE YOU LAUGH BC THAT WAS NOT A PRETTY MOMENT WE DEF GOT MARRIED UNDER THAT POST!! <33333 but i went back to like read my post twirling my hairs like "omg i love suna so much 🥰" and then reread the post like "OMG HOLD ON WAIT I SAID I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT HIM </3" but he knows i meant well 😔😔 and i corrected it in the end!!

AND I TOTALLY GET IT YOU'RE NOT DRAMATIC AT ALL!! THAT'S HOW I FEEL LIKE 24/7 LIKE YES I'VE BEEN BACK IN SCHOOL FOR A WEEK and still everyday i wake up like "man i am not looking forward to seeing these people today" like they never get better </3 in fact, they get worse 💀 I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY!!! AND LUCKILY IT'S FRIDAY SO I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND AS WELL!! AND GET TO REST A LITTLE BEFORE THIS NEXT WEEK STARTS </3

[moonjxsung]

STAAARRR I NEED UR ADvice . PLZ

ok so theres this concert happening next thursday that i may or may not already have bought tickeys for without asking my parents and my parents are VERY STRICT AND WILL NEVER ALLOW ME TO GO TO A CONCERT AT ALL. ESP AT THE TIME ITSBAT (8-10 PM SO ITS LATE) AND SO . I was being a little devious and thought of some excuses. that it was a dinner conference for my internship which i had to go to bcs i didnt go to the one during the winter. which came off well to my mom but her only response was “ohhj thays late…its ok ur dad can wait outside the venue” UMMMMMMMMMMMmzzzzzzUELP . I did research and the venue is literally ONE HUGE ROOM. LIKE THE EXITS LEAD STRAIGHT TO THE STAGE AND THE FLOOR SO I CANT EVEN BE LIKE “oh there was a concert and a conference happening at the same time” AGH! AND THEN MY FRIEND DID RESEARCH ONLINE THRU GOOGLE IMAGES AND SAW THAT EVEN THO THE VENUE IS INT HE CITY, THERE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE PARKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE VENUE BCS OF HOW WIDE THE STREETS ARE. SO MY DAD CANT EVEN WAIT LIKE 5 BLOCKS AWAY IM CRURITKEKEJTKJFKEJ. AND ALSO ITS LIKE…IN THE CITY. WHOSE ACTUALLY DRIVING TO THE CITY PEOPLE USUALLY USE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. IM GOING TO SOB. THERES NO GUARANTEE THAT THE STREETS WILL BE FULL OF CARS BCS OF THAT.

so we made another plan. i think she forgot abt the conference for now bcsssaaa i mentioned it sometime last week but like. now my excuse is that my boss gave me a ticket to bring a friend and so im gonna “bring” my girlfriend. and then ill say that my gf has to do smth w her family the next day so its more convenient for her dad to pick us up and drop us off bcs he was gonna come do that anyway.

on monday, my friends and i r literally going to the venue to scout the area out im being so fr 😭😭💀

do u think itll work be honest. im also terrified of even bringing up the “conference” again bcs idk im jist SCARED 😭😭😭 But i wanna go to the concert so bad plslslsl WHAT DONU THINK. I need multipple BRAINS ON THIS. HOW DO I BRING UP THE CONFERENCE AGAIN TO MY MOM

- a very desperate and malding 💫

HELDPXPSOLEKRKRKFMEKRKKTNT THIS STRESSED ME OUT SO BAD JUST READING IT OH MY GOD 😭😭😭😭 idk if you’ve ever seen the movie New York Minute w Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen but this literally sounds like that movie JSKDKLDSKWOEKKRRK ANYWAYS my first thought before I finished even reading this was that you need to get a ride home from ur FRIENDDDD there is literally no way around it I’m almost 100% sure that if your dad waits outside the “conference” for you he’s going to know what’s going on 😭😭 but I think it makes total sense to say that your friend has something the next day so you need to get picked up by your friends’ family! Don’t even phrase it as a suggestion or a question just straight up be like “yeah her parents are picking me up so I’ll let you know when we’re all on the way home” and be as casual about it as possible! Don’t say anything that might invite more questions 😭 AND if worse case scenario you do get caught, just say there was a change of plans (keep it very vague) but don’t pile on more lies, just be mostly honest w them. Like “yeah there was a change of plans so my friends and I opted to go to this event instead but I didn’t think it’d be a big deal because I already told you guys I’d be busy that day” and if they scold you then just let it happen and don’t argue more! Parents just want you to be safe at the end of the day so you can’t blame them too much but also I don’t see an issue going to a concert if you already said you’d be out, I change plans all the time and as long as I get home safely and answer the phone when my parents call they’re usually okay w it. GOOD LUCK BESTIE LMK HOW IT GOES……… also have fun at the concert wtaf that sounds so exciting!!!! Be safe please!!!!! 🩷💘💝💓💞💖💕🫶👼✨

[szif]

.

i think i should let all my game accounts die (except howrse. because i think thats actually a good thing? will elaborate later.) and then ill go and just leave them like that? and if i want consistent engagement through playing them then i will do it. i keep on logging onto games just to get a "daily reward" which i think is a pretty disgusting thing to implement in your game first of all, but im also pretty hooked up on it so i think i will just. not care? i will let my nationstates die (im so sad about it, but i literally do not care about it anymore because i just log on to keep it from dying? i genuinely do not even play it anymore i dont improve my country in it nothing happens at all. im just attached to it despite my attachment having no basis in my actual feelings.)

oh, also, youtube is forbidden unless im literally looking up a certain topic or if im looking at specific channels for specific things to see. i wont ever use it to look at new videos and i will NEVER. and i repeat never. use it for music anymore. i am not allowed to click on ANY music ever on it (i guess i could make an exception for all iterations of bad apple because i literally binge th........ no i cant, actually, repeatedly listening to the same song will just make me binge everything else and get obsessive about other music i dont wanna hear about. this is the price until i get to self-regulate myself)

hm, what else? oh yeah i actually have to do stuff, i think. i should fill my daily quota of things i do (my music listening log which is a daily thing, i should get one entry ready once and thats it. no more. i think listening to more than one album is fine its just that i think im spending way too much time on those and having some sort of regulation for it may be good. makes me appreciate music more, i think.

ohhhh oh my fucking god i should also set up a list of things to actually do. like, i have hobbies, i actually do, they are simply buried beneath all the stuff i obsessively do for no reason at all because my brain forces me to "consume stimuli". so i will go on and do a list of things and then maybe depending on what im feeling ill do those? seems like a good idea to me. and i will really have to push myself to actually do things i like but maybe itll stick as a habit? i really hope so.

also yes, this plan is taking into account that humans (i am a human) are random creatures and we respond to stimuli which is how restricting most things in my life won't have a lot of effect and it may be detrimental, however, i would love to state that i am swapping meaningless, distasteful stimuli for a different type of enriching one, because i think improving my "quality of life" this way will be rewarding, even if it seems punishing.

and when im gonna start doing this...........? now. yeah. now. like, if you wait around and go "hm, i actually dont know, i should start at new years eve, i should start tomorrow, next week, next month" youre not gonna do anything because you are letting your own obsessiveness get in the way of your plans and you didn't strengthen your will towards doing what you have to do. so yes, im doing it now. BUT im also just setting up everything i need to do so faults. mistakes are fine i just have to repeatedly do it so my brain gets it. its fine

[abcdosaka]

i feel like this was kinda a long time coming but it definitely feels weird to write it down.

having a weird time trying to, i guess, 'solve' my sex life and kinda by extension love life and reconcile it with having an actual relationship with my family. the hilarious part is the thing that brought this on was me shopping for toys lmao. this post is like half sex half depression.

like i was browsing dildos bc i wanna try to experience penetration for once without clenching up like a vise grip like i wanna try to learn to enjoy it bc ngl im getting a bit of fomo of all the other girlies out there. and also ive never really had the opportunity to kinda explore different things sexually like maybe i was just afraid but now that im basically financially independent its like i want to try. the same way i tried last year but this time i dont feel like there's other people or things holding me back. except there kinda is

anyway the entire time i was thinking like wait isnt this kinda like analogous to a man's penis? yeah no shit but its the realistic ones specifically that get me. i'm like wait i really do not like that. it really shoves in your face that like this is a MALE sex organ (which ya ik gender and sex is not real but for all intents and purposes in this case, it’s male). and its weird its like my brain kinda gets that im a lesbian but there's a disconnect with my body somewhere. like ok i know there's a huge thing about this and its like stepping on a minefield but just for me personally. i never thought i had a strong genital preference specifically like i always thought well, i like boobs and i like pussy and if i'm like watching porn or whatever and a dick pops up im like cool fine that is an object thats not a human. sorry to anyone i dehumanized just now. but its not like i HATE dick i think its alright sometimes even great but is it something i want inside me? idk. not really. especially not face to face with a man its just disturbing idk.

but point is im still kinda mentally in denial somewhere like my brain thinks theres some deep trauma or problem or bias against men that needs to be solved so that i can like men. but ive never been through a trauma like that. and obviously im well aware i am a little sexist like i dont vibe well with men. is that why? like i don't like the idea of having to have a relationship with a man bc i need to feel superior somehow? or maybe not superior but just not inferior. like its just more equal between women. yeah i think thats maybe it. but i feel like thats not just it. i also feel like theres some biologic instinct that turns me off to them. or maybe its nature vs nurture and ive nurtured myself so hard that im like well i can't like men now. the weird part about that is that i'd think it should be the other way around. like how straight incels will be like god i wish i was gay but i can't help being attracted to women. its a question ive been trying to solve for a decade and maybe i already know the answer but idk how to feel solid about it

anyway i saw one that was so cute it was like a bunch of pink hearts but its way too girthy. plus it was like $55 which is just. its probably normal for dildo prices that arent the microplastics shein ones but also like seriously. i might wait for if it goes on sale if i think ill like it after i try a smaller one. ill have to order it next week bc i wanna ship it to the post office so theres no chance my upstairs neighbour would get it by accident. but tbh ive experienced enough embarassing things that when i recall them i dont even get embarassed im just numb so i think if that happened itll just go in the numb pile or maybe funny pile.

now to the kinda sad part. how tf do i tell my family? ive always known that im gonna have to tell them sooner or later and id do it after im financially independent but this is the thing in my way that i was talking about. my family is not perfect or even close at all but idk. they kind of are all i got. yeah i have friends but nobody close enough to call in an emergency or whatever. and i feel a bit bad bc they have actually done a lot for me. like the shit before uni was whatever like thats what you do for family but everything they helped me with during uni, even though i hated it, i did need their help. i guess if i had other people to rely on i wouldn't have. but im a really fucking guarded person like i really dont like trusting people like that. at least with my family i believe they wouldn't screw me over bc of something petty. i moved halfway across the country so i could have the sort of privacy i wanted and seems like my mom knows that but i talked to her today and she was like maybe i could come visit in july and i was like alright i guess. but now im like wait so what happens if i start dating.

i actually really dislike that it seems like everyone in my family, extended and all, all of the sudden wants to hang out all the fucking time.

you know i bet they wouldn't even acknowledge it. in which case im not gonna acknowledge that they aren't acknowledging it. like ill just pretend they accept it. i need to make some queer friends here like actually

or maybe it isn't as big a deal as i think it is. i do live pretty far away. wtf are they gonna do from all the way over there lmao. nobody's gonna kill me over it. worst is i probably get disowned or cut off. or ill have to be the villain and cut them off. thatll be interesting

[forestryfae]

basically i have to go home this weekend, cus its christmas next weekend and i need some extra time to prepare so i cant wait to go home until the 22nd. and its so fucking stressfull

first of all. i have to go home THIS weekend specifically so ill have time to clean and tidy enough for the house to be liveable to me for the next uhh. its only 2 weeks but it feels a little like 3.

which means i have to clean, tidy, move furniture around, throw away a bunch of garbage, do every dish in the cupboard and clean the cupboards, do a ton of laundry and wash the dryingracks, find somewhere to dry clothes too since the heater is shit and the ac is unuseable, and clean up after the cats im also gonna try to lower the amount of stuff in the kitchen a second time, i have stuff in my room here and i have a lot of things at home i just dont use much or i only cus it feels like i have to. if i have less stuff itll be easier to keep clean and tidy is like. my main takeaway from last cleanup.

i also have to clean my room here before i go and my brain is just not properly responding and ive been sleeping and been really tired all day lately so its hard to even get up. and its not like its impossible, i just need to move a few things out of the way, fold some clothes, throw out the garbage, get the laundry downstairs, and mop and wipe some dust and ill be done, but its so hard to even get started.

then theres packing. the worst part is i dont even know what i want to pack down yet, i wanna bring mostly comfy clothes and some of my hobby stuff, and i have some pots and pans id like to bring. maybe a handful of other stuff but i havent figured that part out yet, and i dont wanna have to deal with too much stuff on the train, but i also dont want it to be in the way here. so ill see ig? i also have to buy some food so ill just buy some veggies and milk and stuff tomorrow and go on monday or tuesday to pick up whatever im missing.

so like i kind of have control over everything i want to do and what needs to get done and when and how and so on. but its the part where i constantly want to nap and just executive dysfunction that makes things hard atm

[sflksjlksflksj]

personal diary entry

things have been doing gouda. i dont have much to update. i got drunk a few nights ago and spent the entire morning puking so i am taking a long break because its not fun. my mil is going to come to the family pool party on the 20th before we go to friday harbor so itll be nice to have her meet everyone. kids have been doing good too. i cant wait to get rid of them for a few days though haha. i am very thankful for their nana and pop pop for always being up for taking them. me and daddy are going to have a nice few days to ourselves. anyhoozle ill probably have alot to update about next week after all this stuff happens. the pool party and friday harbor. hopefully its all good things lmao. 

[tyonfs]

third times a charm 🥲

hi hi my lovely alice it’s another .. *drumroll* 🎀 life update! i tried to be a little silly and creative did it work! 🤗 (pls say yes or i’ll cry)

it’s currently 9:50 pm cst as i type this out and i have my last final as a freshman tmrw 💔 it’s coding too like i’m so nervy. mainly bc my first year of college is already ending and bc of my final. like i’m good at coding and shit but i just get test taking anxiety. anyways! i’m in the psa (pakistani student alliance 🤓) and us freshmen get an upperclassman who is kinda like our helping hand yk? saur my upperclassman is sending me a care package for finals week and i’m so excited 💔 she said there’s gonna be a ton of stuff i like/enjoy doing so i’m VERY excited. also this week is gonna go crazy with unboxings bc i ordered a ton of korean skincare from yesstyle and makeup from sephora WHICH IS GETTING HERE TMRW AND ILL OPEN IT AFTER MY FINAL AND ITLL BE LIKE A LITTLE REWARD VERY EXCITED.

update on gas station boy bc i just KNOW ur curious 🤭 we hung out AGAINNN on sunday! i feel like i should tell u his name is cameron i’ve known his name is cameron it’s just fun calling him gas station boy. anyways i was running errands and i had to make a pit stop to my local asian market for my ramen stash and guess who was there! cameron! it was very very 🤭 i was wearing such a nice outfit and honestly i looked so cute and he was like oh my god you look so pretty like stop before i take my pants off oh my god! (kidding 🫣!) but yeah it’s going very VERYYY smooth with him

how are you my lovely alice? u excited for summer?? 🤭 give me an update too i miss u !!!! - 🎀

the drumroll was creative i applaud 👏

WHOAAA (i am so late to this btw i’m sorry) but i hope your finals went amazing !!! i am sure you passed with flying colors 🥳 omg coding is rough :’( and i get test anxiety too it’s a pain in the ass 🤧 it’s our brown genes fr

aww that’s so sweet !! is that sort of like a big little system ?? i had a big in the indian student association at my school but covid happened the very next year and then she studied abroad after that so i didn’t see her again except for like . one occasion LOL but i hope you got a lot of treats in your care package :’) my sorority big also got me a care package which was also sort of a grad present ?? WHAT MAKEUP AND SKINCARE DID YOU GETTT i literally do not know how to create a proper skincare routine but i’ve been using the beauty of joseon sunscreen

no way his names cameron LMFAOOOOO i had a thing(??) with a dude also named cameron literally this semester 😭😭 but omg yours is BOLD bold :’) i hope things keep progressing as they are 🤭

i’m super excited for summer !! i think i’ll go on some trips with my friends but i also need to start working on grad apps and looking for jobs 😵‍💫 so it’ll be hectic! but i hope i can relax for a bit once i’m done with school 🥰 i’m also annoyed bc i was supposed to publish my research this year but my research prof has been soooo inconsistent and inconsiderate of our time that she submitted our irb so late and now i’ll have to wait longer and work on it post grad too ☹️ but oh well!!!

[tiredestsleepiestgirl]

vent.

my partner and i r long distance. when we were getting to know each other online neither one of us wanted to be in any relationship ever but were doing like casual non monogamy irl.

we met in person and he got real weird about me talking about ppl id been regularly hooking up with and after i got back home and we made our relatinship official we also agreed to be basically monogamous. the exception being i wanted to be able to makeout with ppl drunk just 4 funsies, and even this had a lotta strings attached bc he was uncomfortable with it, i laid out that it could only be in public spaces and thered b no handsy stuff.

i wasnt a huge fan of the idea of being monogamous but i was willing to do it 4 him. i also said at the same time that i wouldnt mind if he did want to screw around a bit but he said he doubted thatd happen. cut to a like six months later and he's out clubbing and asks if im alright for him to go home with someone. i say yes thats fine and he goes home with a couple. later i say ive changed my mind and imbalance actually does make me uncomfortable and i dont want it to happen again and he says he's been thinking that he actually would be alright with me sleeping with other people while we're long distance.

now during the last six months since ive been back home we've been calling for multiple hours almost daily, first couple of months it was daily and then when i started working more itd be whenever i wasnt working so at least four days a week and on days i was working we'd still try to get in a short call. and i knew he'd get angsty when he couldnt talk to me over the weekend or if i was busy so id try not to make plans in the evenings too often. and ive been sick for like the last month so havent been able to spend time with ppl in real life. and he's been out more and more with this couple he's befriended.

and im happy for him bc he has trouble maintaining stable friendships and is often so lonely. and i was always the one that felt overwhelmed by calling so often when id had a long day at work or whatever. but now i feel. jarringly alone. and also like the only reason im allowed to sleep around now is bc he's find someone he wants to fuck and the second that changes itll b back to monogamy.

i care for him so much i want to hold him and protect him and i want him to be able to find friendship and community but god it sucks that im just stuck here in bed or at working just waiting for when he'll be able to give me attention again. im happy he's making friends and spending time with them i really want that for him. everything he's doing is stuff i want for him.

but also im out here working 5-7 shifts a week. to help pay for his visit in august. and our future visa costs. and waiting on him. and when would i even find time to sleep around. sunday night i was lying in bed after working my least favourite shift on the week on three hours of sleep and my chest rattling from my stupid chest infection and i knew he was out with his new friends so i didnt bother him.

monday another shift but he was barely replying to my messages all day even whenni said i was worried and didnt know if he was okay and then find out the next day that ofc he slept over on sunday night and spent monday with them. weve talked about that and he said hell tell me when he has plans but even that makes me feel so desperate and needy that's not my usual vibe. im just. ugh.

anyway he's just asked if he can spend the day hanging out with them today, my freeest day to talk of the week. and im a cool girl. i said im so glad ur having such a good time. im so glad u have friends and r working out (theyre going climbing), i hope ull be back in the evening for me? yesyes probably maybe? probably i will have him back with me tonight. coolcoolcoolcool. im gonna be working the next three days str8. the weekends r so busy for me. 4 shifts in 3 days baby. ill miss u ill miss u.