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bokutosworld · 4 years

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perfect match | miya osamu

a/n: i am so thrilled that haikyuu is back!!! can’t wait to see more of inarizaki and (excuse my bias) osamu!!!! <3 so here’s a very self-indulgent piece in celebration of their comeback haha

pairing: miya osamu x f!reader

wc: 2.6k words of fluff and bit of angst if you squint lmfao.

summary: in which you and osamu go in circles, walking the fine line between keeping the friendship or taking the leap in your relationship. inspired by the prompts: “It’s you, it’s always been you.” + “Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

'for the last time, i am telling you oyakodon cannot be better than katsudon. nothing beats a good crisp, deep-fried pork or chicken over a steaming bowl of rice,' you said, putting your lunch tray on the table with a thud and settling on the bench.

'yeah, sure. but they're basically the same thing,' he slips in the space next to you, placing his food and getting his chopsticks ready. 'they're both donburi meals, only difference is how they're prepared. what matters is they're both delicious.'

taking a spoonful of your meal, you chew fast before deciding to answer back, 'i know that.' you pause to catch your breath, earning a worried glance from osamu as if he telling you to eat slowly. 'but katsudon just ranks superior. end of discussion.'

the both of you, cooped up in your own conversation, were oblivious to the stares and smirks of your friends in the table. atsumu, deciding to be the braver among the peers, cuts through the silence. 'you know, we could hear you bickering from the queue all the way here,' a hint of tease evident in his voice and osamu smacks his twin.

suna perks up, joining the conversation, 'that's like the third discourse they had today, man. and it's only lunchtime.' the rest of the group laughs and shakes their head, as atsumu adds, 'will there ever be a day where we enjoy some peace and the two of you just quietly get along?'

you share a look with osamu who simply shrugs and continues to chomp down (albeit rather cutely) his food. your friends weren't wrong but it's not like you and the boy hated each other's guts. your close friendship with him was comfortable, so much so that the two of you would talk and argue literally about anything. but as always, there were no hard feelings in those moments of disagreements.

it's just the way it has been since the day you met the twins in middle school. they were both kind and took care of you like their little sister. but somehow, you found yourself growing more attached with the quieter twin. there was something about conversing with osamu that made you feel like you can open up to him about anything. he was smart, a good listener, a natural conversationalist that he always had something ready to answer to your quips. he would always indulge whatever topic you brought up and challenge your ideas and beliefs - the latest one being the katsudon versus oyakodon dispute.

you notice the piece of rice stuck in the corner of osamu's mouth, and you were just about to wipe it off when hikari calls out your name. your hand falls limp on your side and you turn to her, 'what's up?'

'are you free this weekend? i was supposed to set up my cousin on a blind date with my co-worker but she just informed me that she can't go. they have exams this week. so,' she purposely dragged on her words, weighing if would consider being the substitute. raising an eyebrow at her, you completed the sentence for her, 'so, you want me to go on the blind date?'

she beamed, clasping her hands together as if she was reciting a prayer. 'please! i will owe you my life, this is a one time thing, i swear! i made him a promise. you know how i hate breaking promises.'

osamu took note of the way you sighed and how your shoulders slumped at your friend's request. you were never one to say no, you always found it difficult with your kind-hearted nature. so it wasn't a surprise to him when you turned and asked, 'we don't have anything planned for this weekend, right?'

truthfully, osamu wanted to say that you did have some sort of hangout planned. he didn't know why he was finding it hard to say no right now, so he was relieved when his brother spoke. 'you should be free, y/n,' swinging his arm around his twin's shoulders, atsumu looked at him and smirked. 'besides, we have a practice match this weekend. we wouldn't be able to do the usual hangout 'til after 6pm.'

this made you exclaim, 'great! you can give that guy my number then!' hikari proceeded to tell you the details - it was happening on saturday. she already arranged for the meetup time and place to be 10 am at the subway station near the park.

as hikari continued to talk to you about your date, osamu couldn't help but listen in on the conversation and take note of the details. he didn't miss the way your eyes lit up at the mention of your date's name - taichi - to which you remarked that it was 'a handsome name.' osamu rolled his eyes at that. lost in his own thoughts and conflicted feelings about your blind date, he wasn't able to control his facial reactions anymore - a slight look of envy and disappointment ghosting over his features and atsumu was enjoying every bit of it.

weekend arrived and to say that you were excited for the blind date was an understatement. you were looking forward to it, the evidence seen in the way you have prepared your outfit (with the help of osamu who you video called last night). as your closest friend, osamu tried his best to be thrilled and happy for you. he knew you have been wanting to experience a first date for a while now. but a feeling was gnawing at him, a feeling that wishes it was him who was taking you out on that weekend. nonetheless, he gave you a pep talk and reminded you to just have fun and be yourself.

so here you are now, standing in the middle of the station and waiting for your date. it wasn't as crowded as you thought it would be so you kept an eye out for taichi. he texted you just before you left, informing that he would be wearing a denim jeans and black jacket. keeping your eyes peeled for a person who fit that description, you see a shadow of a person jogging across the station and a voice calls out your name.

'y/n!!!!' you spot taichi running over to you, he crouches to try to catch his breath when he reaches you. when he's calmed down, he immediately apologizes, 'i am so sorry. have you been waiting long?' you assure him that it's fine and after a few minutes of back-and-forths of apologies and assurances, you two go on your way to your first stop: brunch.

taichi was indeed as handsome as his name initially suggests. he's got a boyish charm to him, and it would be a lie to say he wasn't drawing you in. all throughout the brunch, he proved to be someone who can keep a conversation with you. it was one of your worries that your date would find you boring, but osamu told you would do fine. thankfully, taichi could hold his ground with you, very much like your best friend who can immediately answer your witty quips with his own humorous comebacks. in your mind, the two boys were very much like and you couldn't wait to tell this to osamu.

after eating, he brought you to an aquarium. your genuine excitement made taichi smile as he shared that it was worth an effort asking hikari what you wanted if he could see you exude so much happiness. you made a face and hit him, 'i didn't know you were cheesy. thank you.' he then led you two inside and spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the huge aquarium, in awe of the different fishes and feeling if you were lost in the underwater.

but all good things come to an end. by the time your date ended, it was already 6:33 pm. though it was still early, you had a curfew of 8 pm and taichi offered to accompany you home.

dropping you off at the front gate, he looked at you, hopeful, 'i had a really fun time today. hikari did great by setting me and you up together.' you laughed at this, admitting you've almost forgotten that this was a blind date, 'it's like i've known you forever!' despite the surroundings being dark already, you didn't miss the movement of a shadow just a few blocks away. you had a hunch as to what or who it was, and you couldn't wait to expose them.

'well, i don't want to keep you out any longer,' taichi began saying his goodbye. 'i'll text you when i get home. we should do this again.' your attention was brought back to the boy in front of you and you chuckled, 'don't be a stranger! just text or call me anytime, okay?' taichi began walking back to the main street, and he waved as you shouted your last farewell, 'be careful on the way home.'

when he finally turned to the street, you cleared your throat and called, 'you can come out of your hiding spot now, dumbass.' the person you were referring to sheepishly moved where the light can cast over him, revealing, 'osamu.' he could see the way your eyes glinted with a hint of mischief and he knew he wouldn't be able to escape your interrogation.

you ran up to him and tackled him, poking his sides which made him fall into a fit of laughter. he took your hands to make you stop, 'stop that.'

'how long have you been hiding out there,' you ask osamu. it wasn't impossible to miss the tinge of blush on his cheeks, your question obviously caught him off guard. 'well, osamu? are you gonna answer me or are you just going to keep staring into space?' you wave your hands in front of him, but he quickly gets hold of them and laces his fingers with yours. it was a usual gesture between the two of you, but right now, why did it feel so intimate?

after moments of silence, he speaks up, 'did you have fun on your date?' his eyes boring right into your soul and you swore your heart started beating faster. for some reason, you couldn't answer right away, your voice somehow betraying you at that moment. 'it.. it was nice.'

osamu continued to stare intently, waiting for you to finish. so you went on, 'they're a good person. he's very funny, you'd like him too, you know! he surprised me by taking me to the aquarium,' at this point, you were rambling just to avoid the awkward silence. 'it was so big, osamu! you'd like it there too. and then -'

'will you take me there with you?' now your heart was threatening to beat out of the chest. osamu was rarely serious with you, and right now, you could feel that he wants to say more but he's restraining himself.

you already had an idea of what he was trying to say. the butterflies in your stomach was starting to go wild at the thought. but you wanted to hear it from your best friend himself, so you feigned ignorance, 'what do you mean, osamu?'

the grip on your hands tightens and he pulls you a little closer to him. osamu wants to say that he wishes it was him who saw your smile in the aquarium, who you talked with nonstop in the cafe, who you exchanged stories and laughter with throughout the day. he wants to say that it should have been him who took you out on your first date. all these emotions and words were too much for him, so he takes a deep breath and rests his head on your shoulders instead. perplexed at his actions, you immediately wrap your arms around his waist. 'osamu? are you okay?'

'yeah, let me just stay like this for few minutes.' he buries himself deeper in the crook of your neck, getting lost in your familiar, comforting scent. he knows why he was acting like this and he was screwed. he loves you, but he doesn't want to risk ruining the friendship you have built. after a while, he stands up straight, shooting you his signature smile and ruffles your hair.

'thanks, i was just really tired from the practice match. i guess i missed our number one cheerleader.' he steps away and begins to walk home, but he doesn't get too far when you shout, 'are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you've been dying to ask me?'

he stops in his tracks. this time, you close the distance and he feels your presence behind him. 'come on, osamu. no secrets, right?' at this, his resolve breaks and a dam opens, his unrequited feelings for you finally flowing out in the open. osamu turns around and engulfs you in a warm embrace, and you just know.

'if you wanted to ask me out, you could have just asked me you know,' you tease him. flustered at you what just said, he looks at quizzically, 'how...'

'you're not very subtle, osamu. and the stunt you just pulled tonight basically confirmed you like me too,' you hope he caught your words at the end. because honestly, while being best friends with him has been the best thing to happen in your life. you've always wondered what it feels like to take the next step in your relationship with him.

it takes him a while to register your remarks and when the realization sets, he finally asks, 'since when?' the question was vague, but you knew what he was referring to if the hopeful look in his eyes was anything to go by. so you take a courageous leap, finally crossing that bridge to move to something more. you caress his cheeks, osamu leaning close to the warmth of your hands, 'it's you, osamu. it's always been you.'

he finally closes the gap, bringing your body to his in a tight hug, as if he was afraid to let you go. you stay like that for a few minutes, the passersby cooing at the 'lovely couple' on the street. he pulls away for a quick second, then all of a sudden, he was leaning in. your eyes instinctively shut, waiting for that sensation on your lips, but instead you feel him press a tender kiss on your forehead. he was always a man of few words and through his actions, you know that everything will never be the same again, but it was the kind of change that you have always hoped for.

so when you two go to school the following week, holding hands and finally not bickering in the morning, everyone in your friend group was dumbfounded. again, his twin was the only one brave enough to point out the difference, 'took you guys long enough. congrats, osamu! i knew you had it in you!'

hikari wanted to ask you about taichi, but after the date, the boy has already his expressed gratitude and shared how he felt that your thoughts were occupied by someone. and certainly, looking at you and osamu now - sitting by each other's side in peace and in your own love bubble - it seemed that you have already found your perfect match.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuucreations #osamu x reader #miya osamu x reader #haikyuu fics #haikyuu x you #osamu fluff #osamu scenarios #osamu drabbles #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu miya osamu #I AM LAUGHING AT MYSELF ONCE AGAIN #THIS PIECE GOT SO LONG I PLANNED THIS TO BE JUST AROUND 1.5K

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wasflypaw · 3 years

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no, i definitely don't follow you. someone sent me a screenshot of the post right before i sent the ask. we've never interacted outside of this since your blog was one of the first i blocked. i don't remember the post specifically, but it was in the main fandom tag for technoblade and caused a bad attack. i'm glad that you're no longer main tagging those things. people in this fandom need to be more respectful.

Hi, gonna address this in a few points. I might go off on a tangent bc I got a lot to say and your ask has given me the opportunity to speak about them

1. I'm genuinely sorry you had a panic attack over something I posted and I dont mind you blocking me if something I posted caused you harm - in fact, I encourage it. I've blocked a lot of people who've posted things that have made me uncomfortable so I'd be a hypocrite to get upset over that

2. I've had a look and I dont see any negative posts of mine in the main Technoblade tag? Just posts about his content and fanart so if I were to find/edit/take down the post I'd have no clue what to look for

3. I was pretty c!Techno critical back when I started this blog and it was mainly to do w his fans attacking cc!Tommy and his fans that caused me to have a negative reaction to c!Techno himself. I'm a Lot more sympathetic towards his character now, while I dont post about him often anymore. It's the same with my feelings towards c!Dream - I see a post that invokes negative feelings and it just ends up triggering my RSD. A Lot of my critical posts are posted during Bad Times or breakdowns but I'm working on this - I've blocked any post and blog that have made me feel this way and I've been feeling Much better the last few days. This random is a first for me - where people group themselves into which characters they enjoy and argue w other groups and I get,,, carried away sometimes. I've made an entirely new blog for just Discourse Free Happy Things and have been focusing more on stuff that makes me happy now so I think I'm getting a bit better. Nothing against the people posting said things that I've reacted negatively to, its absolutely not their fault for my reactions and they're not ppl I personally dislike (I cant know or dislike you personally from what DSMP opinions you have, your opinions do not imply or effect your IRL morality, said opinions just make me uncomfortable and that's about it)

4. I'm not sure how I feel about people sending you my boundary post two minutes after I posted it? The only reason I can assume is they're sharing to mock me or talk about me behind my back and I mean this genuinely, if you do that hardblock me. My blog is a space for me and people who enjoy my posts - I dont feel comfortable with hate follows. I may be jumping to conclusions but being told "someone sent me your boundary list after you posted it" while in said post I mention my Severe Anxiety is not a good combination. Alongside the person who is purposefully private quote tweeting my Twitter posts after I've repeatedly said not to and it's a boundary and I have "NO PQRTs" in my username,,,,,, genuinely stuff like this is making me consider shutting down my blog and my twitter account and starting anew somewhere else. Please if you dislike me or my posts just dont look/block me, I'm begging at this point

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its-bound-to-get-loud · 4 years

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Speculating about sexuality

It’s time to get a little controversial on this blog. Or at least talk about a controversial subject. I’ve recently seen some fandom discourse about this subject from multiple sources. A lot of people have the opinion that discussing a celebrity’s sexuality is a bad thing, something you shouldn’t do. I strongly disagree.

Full disclosure, I’m a Larrie. I’m a 1D fan who believes Harry and Louis are a couple. I’m also a 5SOS fan. Now I know many 5SOS fans seem to be wary of Larries in particular. I know some people have taken it too far sometimes. But also, it’s hard to compare Larry/1D to 5SOS in many ways, because Larry and 1D themselves have done a lot of things to encourage fans looking into things they normally might not. It feels to me as if 5SOS fans saw the things that happened in the 1D fandom, turned around and decided to do the exact opposite. This is a good thing in some ways, but it also leaves no room for critical thinking.

Now back to 5SOS. I’ve had a few conversations about this topic and what it comes down to is this. 5SOS are famous, they live a life that’s (partially) being seen by the public and the media. Now this will sound cold, but it’s a fact: 5SOS are a product. When we interact with them on social media, we interact with a product. In the end they want to keep selling their music to us. In order to do so, engaging with fans is part of their job. It doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it, it doesn’t mean they’re not genuine. If you work in a supermarket part of your job may be stocking shelves. You have to do it because it’s your job, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it as well.

Part of the product that is 5SOS is their relationships. We see their girlfriends plastered over their social media, they mention them in interviews, etc. That’s not something they HAVE to do generally speaking. If we are to assume that (for argument’s sake) all 3 current 5SOS relationships are genuine, then they don’t have to show us their girlfriends if they don’t want to. This means they either choose to do so, because that’s what they want, or these girlfriends are being presented to us for a reason (PR, bearding, etc.). Which of these it is, is for you to decide. Both options make them become part of the product. We are allowed to question that product, since we are the ones consuming it. If the person in question has made comments that can be regarded as them hinting at not being straight they open the door even further. You cannot tell someone to come over and then slam the door in their face because they get too close.

If 5SOS want to they can keep their relationships private. Their social media profiles are not the same as ours. They are a representation of the product they are. A representation of their image. That’s why celebrities often have private profiles as well, where they can share private things that they don’t want to share with the public.

The 5SOS girlfriends themselves are a product as well. They all have careers that involve being in the public eye, they are just as well selling us a version of themselves. 2 public people dating does not mean we automatically HAVE to see that they are dating. Celebrities can keep things a secret or low-key if they want to. In fact, I’d dare to argue they have more tools to do so than you and I.

You can look at it like this, if I’m buying a laptop I’m doing research online, I’ll check out reviews. I’ll ask questions at the store. I question the product before I buy it. That’s not that different from what we do as fans. Before we buy their music we question if this is a product we want to buy. Most of the time that’s an unconscious decision we make. Sometimes a product can becomes unsatisfactory after a while and we choose to move on from it. I know it sounds cold, but it’s not that different with celebrities. If 5SOS keep showing me their public girlfriends on their public social media, I get to question that. If I come to the conclusion that I think that what they are telling me is false. I get to discuss that. Being a fan does not equal always taking things at face value.

There’s also a double standard in this fandom. Some people are more than willing to yell about how problematic and toxic the girlfriends are in their opinion. Which means they are allowed to poke into (what they think is) a real relationship between 2 people. When Luke says Teeth is about Sierra, they question his words and don’t hesitate to say their relationship is toxic. But when it comes to sexuality suddenly that’s a no go. I am absolutely not a fan of the way some of the way girlfriends behave. As long as this happens in a fandom environment I am also fine with talking about that. But if you disapprove of one thing and then do something similar, maybe it’s time you start practicing what you preach or leave people to have their own opinions.

This doesn’t mean you should tell the guys directly that you think their relationship is not real or that you think they are not straight. You don’t harass their friends, their crew, and their family about this. Discussing a celebrity’s sexuality/relationship should stay limited to fandom spaces. With social media it’s a lot easier for celebrities to see what we say about them. Therefor I always suggest being mindful of what you say (they may be a product, but they are still people). Personally it’s why I enjoy Tumblr, because most celebrities don’t go on here and (most of the time) we can safely discuss things that are more difficult to discuss in a place like Twitter. I will say, just because we are questioning a product, it doesn’t mean we get to be rude in the process. You generally don’t go to the store and start yelling at the salesperson if you don’t agree with what they tell you.

People seem to think it’s disrespectful to say someone is gay. Why? Is there anything wrong with being gay? Absolutely not. We live in a society that’s very heteronormative, being straight is seen as the “default” sexuality. It should not be. If you’re going to argue that it’s disrespectful to say someone is gay, then please also don’t assume they are straight. You can have personal thoughts, sure. I have personal thoughts on the specific sexuality of the guys in 5SOS as well. But I keep in mind that my personal thoughts aren’t a fact. I could be wrong. So unless someone has specifically stated their sexuality it’s best to not assume anything and keep an open mind.

Then finally I want to briefly touch on a topic that goes hand in hand with what I’ve talked about: shipping. Some people have a problem with shipping when it comes to real people. For some people shipping is just enjoying the idea of 2 people together even if you think they aren’t. While other people truly believe in that relationship. There’s nothing wrong with any of that as long as it doesn’t become invasive. It all comes back to what I’ve said before. We are consuming a product. The relationships between the 5SOS guys are a huge part of that product. The chemistry between them is part of why we love them. I’m not saying they are pretending to like each other. I fully believe their chemistry is genuine, but it does help sell the product. It also means that sometimes the guys/their team plays into that chemistry to sell the product.

They guys should not have a problem with fans shipping them together, because it’s not up to them to decide that. They sell us their relationships, so we get to form opinions about that. If we stay in our own fandom space and do not become invasive by showing them or people around them fandom content (fics, headcanons, manips, etc.). Then they should not come into our spaces and invade stuff we enjoy in that space. I get super uncomfortable whenever I see celebrities reading fanfiction or being read fanfiction. Fanfiction about them is not for them. It’s made for fans to enjoy and they should stay away from that. I want to encourage you to go and read this answer* about shipping real people. Because sometimes other people’s words say it better than my own words ever could.

With that we have reached the end of this post. As usual I am always open to discuss this in an adult manner. If you feel like you have anything to add to this discussion, feel free to send me an ask/dm. Or reply to this post. If you like/agree with what I write I would love it if you reblogged this post. That’s the only way more people can see it. My blog is small, so reblogs are very much needed to keep the discussion going. Don’t think of coming in my inbox and yelling at me how everything I said is wrong and bad and awful, because it is only going to get you blocked. If you don’t agree, that’s fine, but I’m not going to tolerate any hate.

Finally, just because you are allowed to speculate and question whatever 5SOS or any other celebrity/influencer tells you, doesn’t mean you have to. If that’s not your cup of tea, then that is more than fine. The reason I wrote this post is because we need to stop making people who think critically about the things they are being told, feel guilty about what they do.

* Please note that the author of this post does not have anything to do with what has been written in this post. If you have a problem with anything in this post, please direct it to me and not them.

#5 Seconds Of Summer #5SOS #Ashton Irwin #Calum Hood #Luke Hemmings #Michael Clifford #original #sexuality

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a-dragons-journal · 4 years

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hi idk if youre the one to ask for this but like: how do you deal when people call you gatekeepy and keeping saying that you're wrong and they're right when you try and and correct information (kin being voluntary)? i cant deal with stress very well but it's also very hard for me to not try and correct any wrong information. do you habe any tips/recommendations? -☆🌕

My advice comes in two parts here, I think, so it’s gonna be a long post and is thus gonna mostly go under a cut.

Part one: Conflict Management

Conflict management skills are a blessing, if you haven’t taken a conflict management course then go find one and take it. It may be that you’re coming off as aggressive without meaning to, or are doing something else that’s making the conversation shut down - that’s easy to do over the Internet, especially on a hot-button topic like this. The crash course version of the conflict management skills I learned from one (1) lecture series that have saved my tail many, many times, below the cut:

Never assume malice where ignorance will suffice, which is one I try to just live by

Be Stubbornly Kind, or at least Stubbornly Polite, if you want the discussion/debate to continue

Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (ie "I feel like there's a misunderstanding here" is going to get people a lot less defensive than "you're misunderstanding me" despite fundamentally saying the same thing)

Defining terms at the start of a conversation is key to make sure everyone's talking about the same thing and miscommunications aren't happening. (Or when they come up, or when you realize you may be meaning different things with the same word)

Sympathetic, appeasing, and even apologetic language can be unbelievably useful in deflating anger before it has a chance to ruin a discussion. Phrases like “I think I wasn’t clear enough about that, sorry!”, “in my opinion, and you’re free to disagree with me, [subjective opinion]”, “in my experience,” “Am I making sense?”, and “I definitely appreciate the concern for [x]!” The only downside to this is that it can come off as passive-aggressive or condescending if overdone. All things in moderation and all that. (A very light, careful amount of humor may also help defuse anger.)

Pick out anything you agree with and point out that you agree with them on it. Literally anything. The smallest shred of a statement that you share common ground on. Anything you agree with them on, state clearly that you agree with it. This both shows that you’re not arguing for the sake of arguing (and thus makes them less defensive) and keeps you both from not continuing to argue about a thing that you actually agree on, so you can focus on the things you disagree on.

Ask clarifying questions. If you’re confused as to why a person would make an argument, don’t be afraid to ask “Do you mind if I ask you to clarify what you mean by that?” or something similar.

Rephrase their points back to them if you’re starting to get lost. This basically just ensures that you’re not misunderstanding them - and it tells them that you are listening and paying attention to what they’re saying. The phrase “If I’m understanding you correctly, and please correct me if I’m not, [rephrase]” is an underrated tool.

All of these will help aid communication by a) making sure that you’re not misunderstanding each other and b) keeping tensions lower and preventing everyone involved from getting angry/frustrated/defensive.

Part Two: When Conflict Management Fails

The reality is, after a certain point, all you can do is present information and let people do with it what they will. You can make logical arguments against logical arguments, but if someone is just flat-out disagreeing with you about the definition of a word and won’t budge on that, there’s sometimes not a whole lot you can do to change their mind. You can present your arguments and evidence as to why it’s factually wrong, why it’s harmful to keep perpetuating that, and why “this word has a definition” is not gatekeeping, but there comes a point where the argument becomes a circle with no end in sight. At that point you just kind of have to step away before it starts doing more harm than good.

You have to find your boundaries for how much argument you’re willing/able to deal with, and draw a line in the sand - not for others, but for yourself, to tell yourself when to step away - in advance, so you don’t have to make that decision in the moment.

Me personally, my line in the sand is pretty far out, because debate and intellectual discourse generally do more to stimulate me than to stress me out. That’s why I can run the antikin-and-misinformation-addressing sideblog I have in a healthy way - and it’s why I don’t recommend most people try to do that, because I’m the odd one out on that. But I made an agreement with myself when I started that blog that the day it actually started to cause me stress would be the day I put it down and never went back. The line in the sand exists, it just isn’t publicly visible because if I even get close to crossing it, I step away before I can do or say something I’ll regret.

And I’ll let you in on an open secret - as someone who runs a blog specifically to interact with those kinds of posts, the point is rarely actually to convince them to change their mind. People hit a point where they’re so adamant about their point of view that they refuse to even listen to any arguments to the contrary. The point is usually to make your viewpoint visible to the third party onlookers who haven’t made up their minds that strongly yet.

(And in an effort to try to avoid becoming that myself, and to facilitate communication, one of the other reasons I have those conversations is less to convince the other side and more to understand them - if they genuinely have an argument I can’t dismantle, I want to know what it is so I can look it over and see if it warrants changing my opinion on a subject.)

If you can’t handle the arguments, and you can’t make yourself let it lie, the answer may be that you need to leave that social space entirely or block those individuals - the block button exists for a reason. Which may sound harsh, but blocking really isn’t as big a deal as people make it out to be these days - you curate your own experience, and that’s a key part of that. Your mental health is the most important thing.

That was probably a longer answer than you were bargaining for, but I hope it helps at least somewhat.

#conflict management lessons with Rani today apparently #otherkin #rani talks #asked and answered #rani gives advice now i gues #anonymous #conflict management

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arlert-angel · 3 years

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i had something i wanted to talk about since discourse earlier took place where a couple big blogs stated that headcanons and drabbles were "clout writing" / "writing for clout".

needed to get these thoughts off my chest, i don't mind if anyone wants to add their opinion as well or talking it over.

warning: it's kinda long

i did not bother interacting or arguing with the people involved– seeing how they reacted to many others– but when reading through their definitions and reasoning i wanted to share some thoughts of my own.

they claimed that headcanons and drabbles are a quick and easy way to get notes and many times discouraged people from writing in that format.

not directly, but they continuously stated that people who write in that format only want notes and they used to write like that and they write so much better now.

that really is indirectly shading everyone who does right that way, you know?

but they failed to mention that there is much more to headcanons and drabbles then gaining notes.

drabbles are quick and fun.

it really does give writers a fast, FUN outlet to get something off their mind and share with others. it's also a good way to gauge if readers likes that small piece of writing, so the writer can later expand on. i enjoy reading all drabbles no matter how short.

GASP

am i thinking about what the readers like too much?

does this make me a clout chaser!??

personally, i don't think so.

i respect my readers. i LOVE my readers. so i wanna know what i'm doing right and wrong, so that as a writer i can improve.

and drabbles are great practice for that.

yo since when is learning and listening from readers about clout and fame?

their mindset is the one perceiving it that way. i guarantee majority of headcanon and drabble writers don't think about the notes they're gonna get.

they are more focused on what type of reaction they're gonna get.

there's a difference!!! maybe their mindset can't comprehend that.

it really sounds like they just don't like what's popular/gains notes.

a classic gaslight gatekeep girlboss moment (derogatory).

another thing mentioned amongst the chaos was that certain tags were flooded with these headcanons and drabbles.

i could understand the annoyance if the tagging was incorrect. (ex: looking at armin fic tag and then only seeing headcanons) that's not a fic, but if it's not incorrectly tagged...

don't complain.

headcanons are also all in good fun!! there are some interesting scenarios (a lot of the time from readers requests or the writer's own imagination).

again, a good way to spitball ideas for a whole fic or sometimes it's something that doesn't need a whole fic, but is still a good concept that the writer wants to put out there.

writing is meant to fun

i cannot stress that enough. they even mentioned it themselves that they write because they like to, not to gain exposure.

what makes you guys believe that anyone else is different?

i feel like through out most of that discourse i saw the people saying that stuff talk a lot about themselves rather than consider anyone else's point of view. so many personal examples and feelings "i see this..." "i used to do this..." "i don't like..."

me me me

when they aren't stopping to consider anyone else's point of view.

the actual current writers that write in that format.

i really do get genuinely confused when people can't take other people's feelings into account.

maybe i'm sensitive or think about others TOO much, but there are those who try very hard on their work (headcanons and drabbles) and produce great content only to be belittled by some big blogs with an odd grudge.

and there's this:

wow.

i'm so happy that you were able to overcome your troubles. many haven't. many have to deal with that "depression and anxiety card" every day.

how dare you belittle mental illness? no really... how? like with your full chest??

but go you for conquering your struggles because apparently yours is the only one that matters.

(that one especially made me mad)

AND EVEN IF PEOPLE ARE WRITING FOR CLOUT...

there is no wrong reason for writing.

writing is beautiful. it's a creative outlet with an infinite amount of possibilities.

you want lots of views? cool.

you want to write privately? great.

at the end of the day, the number one reason why someone writes fanfiction– above all else– is:

because they like whatever fandom they're writing for.

or else they wouldn't write.

simple.

you can not like a format of writing, but you do not take it out on the writers.

i personally mostly write full fics too, but i still respect and cherish many headcanon and drabble writers. (they do be feeding me daily unlike most full fic writers 🥵)

also headcanons and drabbles have been around a looooong time. it's a great way for beginners to start writing and get comfortable posting.

it's disrespectful, insensitive, and discouraging what they continued to post. i don't care that it is their opinion because i have my own as well.

if they had just said i don't like headcanons and drabbles, no one would've cared. people like different formats, it's okay!!!

but they targeted the writer specifically and labeled them as some sort of greedy, uncaring content producing machine. (not their words, just making a point).

it's alright to have different opinions, but it's not okay to be a dick lol.

i blocked most people involved but if anyone ends up showing this to them, whoo! give me attention big bois 🥵 (they're big blogs i think lol)

i just felt like i needed to say more especially for my lovely writers and hope that no readers were overwhelmed.

i also hope their posts didn't make anyone doubt their work.

keep writing. all writing is practice. the more you practice, the more you're able to achieve.

im done, needed to speak my truth.

-moon ☪

#tw: discourse #i wasn't even apart of it #i just wanted to share some thoughts #i swear i won't bring it up again lol #arlert angel chats

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genderfluidlucifer · 3 years

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Response to being asked to give an opinion on Connie’s calout by residentevil-4

(Tw: CSAM, rape fic, incest fic, predatory behavior, racism, ableism, kink mention, nsfw mentions. Minors should probably dni.)

“Connie and I know each other irl and went to school together for 3 years, although they now live in a different state and have cut contact with me. We went to a private therapy school in Manhattan as we're both disabled and were deemed unable to attend public school. Even though we were pretty close, Connie didn't like having photos taken of them, so I don't have any selfies of the two of us; however, these are from our sophomore and senior yearbooks which at least confirms that we were in the same year at school. People who have seen Connie's selfies should be able to confirm that that is what they look like. First and foremost, Connie is not TMA. They are intersex and the two of us have discussed intersex issues both in person and online, but they are still decidedly CAFAB.” Ok so first off, I want to address this part of the callout. To be honest...was it really necessary to literally doxx Connie ehre? Because this textbook definition of doxxing. Yes Connie’s done some shitty things but I freally don’t think that what they’ve done warrants this level of doxxing. Or...even better, any doxxing. This feels like a really unnecessary breach of privacy, revealing sensitive information on Connie’s childhood that they choose to confide in you with. I really don’t agree with this aspect of the callout as it feels very invasive and bordering on stalkerish. Btw when I say bordering on stalkerish I’m not directly calling you a stalker Bonnie. Just so we’re clear. I am not defending Connie supposedly faking being TMA. Because faking being TMA is a very serious issue. HOWEVER since I don’t know Connie irl and to be quite frank it’s none of my business what the nature of their agab is. Were not close and I’m certainly not going to like lead Connie onto thinking we’re friends just to confirm this with them because that would be creepy. So to be honest I’m going to take this part of the callout with again of salt for now.

[ID: A cropped screenshot of a numbered list Connie posted to their blog hadrosaurs in response to an ask.

“3. I’m TMA And that’s completely irrelevant. I’m not accusing them because of their gender I didn’t even know their gender when they said that to me saying that they said that because they fucking said that and the reaction to it was incredibly alarming. Don’t fucking say that stuff to people.]

I mean I”m not a trans woman so take this with a grain of salt if you want but...I don’t see how this is really proof of Connie being deliberately transmisogynistic? Yes Connie gives iffy retellings of mistakes they’ve made in the past. I’ve seen that on their blog before and I won’t pretend it doesn’t happen. BUT here they sound genuine enough and to be honest a growing issue I’ve seen with callouts as of late is. A person confirms they in fact did not do the thing they were called out for. And then the people who make the callout choose to see it as proof of incriminating behavior anyways. To be honest it’s a big problem and it’s also incredibly unfair to the person being called out. If you’re so determined at that point to see the person as bigoted no matter what they say then of course anything they say can be seen as proof. So I’m going to have to pass on this bit of evidence. “Connie responded: “Final note: I have spoken extensively with several trans women about using TMA to describe myself. I will not be getting into discourse about that on this blog again. All that leads to is people demanding my medical records and calling me slurs. If you wanna have a thoughtful conversation about it direct message me cause it’s not happening again here.” Again this really doesn’t seem all that self incriminating. Connie mentions here that they’ve talked to rl trans woman about whether or not they can be considered TMA. Connie really doesn’t have to disclose that personal information to people for any reason. Yes even when people are e including this ask response in a callout. And considering lots of people DO get invasive about Connie’s medical history ans general personal life over matters like this? I feel their reaction is pretty understandable here. “Connie has constantly compared “exclusionists” (or anyone, really) to TERFs, even when the people in question are not transmisogynistic, trans exclusionary radfems, or are even transmisogyny affected themselves.

“ Gonna have to disagree with this part of the callout too. Lots of ace inclus blogs, even some run by trans women , have proven that the ace exclus movement was started by swerfs/terfs. But the blog that has the most evidence for this is courteousmingler on tumblr. I suggest you check out that blog’s archiving of the history of ace exclus rhetoric before rushing to call me a transmisogynist for disagreeing with this part of the callout. I looked through all of the evidence for Connie being racist and tbh as a black ndn it all feels incredibly flimsy. It’d be one thing if Connie was using their experiences to derail and invalidate the discussions about how black people are oppressed But they weren’t doing that there at all. This part of the post feels incredibly biased. And like OP is looking for things to be mad about. Going to have to pass on this list of evidence. Also uh I seem to recall that residentevil04 got called out for some questionable behavior as well. “Both me (insepsy, hi) and ezrat have had really weird spikes in activity on our Statcounters, both on the same day. (Saturday, 4/17/21) For both of us, majority of the pages looked at by these visitors have been related to or about Connie, or have been posts that Connie would find "problematic" such as the f slur untagged or something related to "panphobia"/aphobia. I’m sorry but...none of the proof of cyberstalking holds any water. Visiting someone’s blogs and rbing posts to disagree with them is not cyberstalking. Keeping tabs on urls that an abusive person who has harassed are using so you can block them (in this case with kyoshi) and warn your mutuals is not stalking. As a victim of rl stalking it’s...really weird to call this legit stalking at all. Much less claim that you have damning proof of it being stalking when no such evidence exists in the callout. Besides after Connie and nonbinarydave called out one of kyoshi’s buddies for sending a death threat hate anon to nonbinarydave’s toddler st4lker partly admitted to doing it a few times. Then other mutuals in kyoshi’s toxic social circle clearly began joining in. Making side accounts where they tried to spin a false narrative of nonbinarydave’s daughter being one of their alters (ableist as hell.) And also trying to do it in such a way that they thought would trigger nonibnarydave’s psychosis (also ableist as hell.) If you’re going to drag Connie for their mistakes and never let them move on from those mistakes then it’s only fair to do that to people you agree with who also do toxic/bigoted things. ALso the fact that your wording here suggests that you think panphobia and aphobia aren’t real makes me doubt this claim even more. Exclus and their allies are notorious for mislabeling inclus disagreeing with them as stalking. “connie said that they would release that info at a later time and the minor began to argue with them that they had a responsibility regardless of their complicated relationship with age. in this argument connie for a time kept their age ambiguous and at one point told the minor (who confirmed in a later ask that they were severely traumatized by adults) that they obviously weren’t traumatized. connie quickly deleted this ask and any mentions of it and the next post they reblogged was about how wrong it was to try and quantify or discount others’ trauma. on my old blog i @ed them in the replies and asked if they had just done that. connie admitted to it and said it was fucked up but quickly blocked + deleted my comment. i can’t remember whether or not connie apologized to the minor, they may have? but yeah. i thought that was pretty weird.”] I do agree with some of the concern here that adults shouldn’t over expose minors in discourse. I’ve been contemplating this for awhile myself. And trying to figure out how to take better steps to avoid including minors who are triggered by discourse in discourse, especially. HOWEVER I have one little issue with this addition to the callout. If that is the case then exclus and their allies need to practice this as well. You cannot ignore the fact that the reason a lot of minors are getting involved in exclus discourse is due to adult exclus and their allies forcing minors to pick a side in the discourse. Y’all are not at all exempt from this problem. I still remember an ex mutual of mine trying to convince a minor to agree that aces can’t face corrective rape. And based on how aggressive it got with me when I tried to avoid giving an opinion on the matter, I can’t imagine that it would’ve reacted better to the minor refusing to give an opinion or to the minor outright disagreed. Refusing to put these standards on exclus and their allies is both hypocritical and quite frankly very transparent. The claims about them glorifying dark topics on AO3 through their fics also seems unfortunately legit. I mean those asks of shaming people who ask their viewers to not romanticize or glorify abusive relationships in their works is very damning. I’m very disappointed to see that Connie has taken being an inclus to the point of validating antis anti culture wholeheartedly. I can’t think of much more to add to my opinion on that part of the callout. As for the issue of Connie interacting with pro shippers in the past, I do know that this claim is legit. I’ve seen it before and so has Breeze. This was why for a brief time we decided to stop following their blogs. Because it was triggering to have pro shippers put on our dash. And sometimes we just don’t feel it’s worth it to always let people we’re platforming know they’re rbing triggering stuff. So sometimes we just quietly unfollow and choose to not interact until we’re sure they’re filtering what they do and don’t rb in some way. I definitely don’t agree with that behavior. And if they’re still doing that I”ll deplatform again. “The anon asks: “A weird question but do you know any other stimboard blogs with your follow criteria? (No radfems, racists, fandom antis, etc.) I was hoping to find more through your “similar blogs” but a lot have no anti-antis for their DNI or allow truscum/transmeds and exclus. :(“

The user responds: “I know of @turtle-pond-stims, @outofangband, and @kinaesthetics! 🍂🍄" “[ID: A cropped screenshot of an ask sent by Connie from their now-deactivated blog, butch-with-a-tortoise.

Connie says: “hey anon I have safe stim blogs. dm me if you want them. And radfems/bigots aren’t allowed to interact. For my own safety (because the community is honestly terrifying) I can’t publicly say on my blogs that I’m safe for proshippers/kinky people but I try to spread word how I can.”] [ID: Screenshot of a post by evilwriter37, which reads, “I’ve been seeing posts about fandom police leaving ao3, and it’s like: Good. We don’t want you here anyway. Go find your own fanfiction site.”

The post is tagged “#Fandom #AO3 #Antis #Purity Culture” and has 87 notes. It was posted on December 21st, 2020.

There is a reply from main-to-outofangband-andothers saying: “there are Silm antis on that site who are against Russigon (Maedhros and Fingon) not because they’re cousins but because they’re both male (coded)”] [ID: A screenshot of an anonymous (though signed off as being from outofangband) ask sent to evilwriter37, which says, “Melkor and Viggo solidarity is ‘Look there’s nothing wrong with keeping my enemy chained up in my personal chambers at all times so please just focus on the war efforts and I’ll focus on the boy* in my chambers’ -@outofbangand.

*boy used figuratively @ antis”

The user responds: “Pfft!!! Hahaha! You’re absolutely right! (And Viggo does refer to Hiccup in canon as ‘my boy’).”] I can’t really say anything to refute this. Because these are all posts of Connie outright stating that they disagree with antis. And not only sympathize with anti antis but are fully against antis. Looks like very damning evidence. Although ngl I’m not entirely against kinky blogs as a whole? Just so long as they truly stay in their lane with their kink content. And don’t force it on others in any way. Or shame people who are triggered by their kinks. It is true that being entirely against kinky blogs no matter what is dipping your toes into swerf rhetoric. Tbh I’m not going to look at the rest. This is pretty much all I need to make a decision on whether or not I”ll continue platforming Connie. Though I will try to get some more perspective from people who I interact with as well. Because I feel better about making a more definitive decision after doing that. Also in general please don’t not try to get an opinion from me on how I feel about syscourse. A lot of the claims about Connie’s age weirdness and them using their alters as a shield feel like syscourse to me. Especially if this callout was written by one or several singlets. Singlets should never be trying to judge how legit someone’s system is ever. Even if their system friends encourage them to. You can call out a horrible person with a system without trying to insinuate that they’re lying about their alters in some way. Doing otherwise is ableist ESPECIALLY if you’re a singlet. Also in general the reason I stay out of discussions of judging how someone is handling their systems is because it’s syscourse and syscourse is triggering for my system and I. If this post was an attempt to get me to give an opinion on the validity of Connie’s system I don’t appreciate it. And I would appreciate not being dragged into such matters again, thank you.

In general there’s like a few parts of this callout that feel legit. Which is unfortunately cluttered with obvious bias and obsessive hatred of Connie. I’m not here to stan or coddle Connie. I know they are not a perfect person. Especially since no human being in the world is perfect. But I feel the way this callout was created was very sloppy since a lot of the evidence was messy at best. And some points were very hypocritical as well as there being some no true scotsman moments from OP. In acting like exclus never do any of the thing that they tried to call out Connie for. Which is behavior that I am not a fan of. This is why people need to be more careful about callouts and like make roughdrafts and have a more unbiased person helping them if they don’t feel they can do it on their own. I’m even trying to make a resolve to do better at that myself. So it’s not like I’m unwilling to put my money where my mouth is. Anyways those are all my thoughts on this messy callout. And tbh I’m not going to get too much more heavily involved in this. Because I need to focus on more immediately serious rl stuff more often, like doing what I can to get out of the hellish landscape of a house I currently am stuck in.

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grimoire-of-geekery · 5 years

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The Do’s and Don’ts of Anon

*sighs* I really don’t want to have to write this. I resent the necessity. In light of recent events, however, I think it’s high time I brought it up.

Yesterday, I got mail in my askbox from an anonymous writer. Some of you may have even seen my mild snark I posted in response.

The matter should have been over and done with. Ideally, the writer would see what I wrote, take what I wrote to heart, and change how they approached. I would answer their question, and we’d move on with our day.

That’s not what happened. Not only did that same anon write me a three-ask narration of why they didn’t have to change their response, they also attempted to dictate to me in more detail their opinion, and how I should post their original asks in addition to these, because (and I quote) “I wonder what your followers think and they have to see the whole kontext to form an opinion.”

No.

And here’s why. Welcome to Rune’s Do’s and Don’ts on how to use the Anon function in my askbox!

So you want to write in to talk to Rune at Grimoire of Geekery, eh? But for some reason, you don’t want him to know who you are when you do. Lucky you, he’s left the Anon function on! Here are some handy guidelines on when and when not to put on the grey mask!

DO use the Anon mask when doing the following:

Asking a friendly question! Rune loves to answer questions about all kinds of things, and he doesn’t mind if you wear an anonymous mask when asking.

Sharing a friendly suggestion! Got a geeky recommendation to offer, like a book to read or a show to watch? Maybe you have a favorite Youtuber you’d like to recommend? Those are always awesome, even if Rune hates them! The fact that you reached out and shared your fandom is always welcome, and always a good thing, regardless of his taste in media.

Offering a friendly warning or heads up! Did you see someone slandering Rune’s reputation? Perhaps you heard some shade being thrown or drama being created that will impact Rune’s life? Or maybe you read something Rune wrote and wanted to warn him about something that may be concerning. Feel free to share! Rune won’t always respond, but he will take what you said into account. And thanks!

These are always okay reasons to put on an Anon icon. Stepping out of that whole pretentious third-person for a moment, the Anon function available in my askbox is present because I know that it can be hard sometimes to talk to people and safely express your curiosity, concern, or interest without being judged. Nobody likes to be judged for being curious, for having a concern, or for liking something.

HOWEVER.

DO NOT use the Anon function when doing the following:

Posting an opinion you want me to share. This is my blog, not your blog. Post your opinions on your own blog, first of all, but the only reason I’m ever going to publish your opinion on my blog is if I share your opinion. Again, this is my blog, and I’ll share what I want.

Starting a fight. In general, gtfo, but especially don’t come on here and be disagreeable or contentious in disguise and expect that I’m going to debate with Ol’ Man Withers in an Anon mask. Anyone could be under that mask- someone I know well and love, someone I loathe entirely, someone with absolutely no knowledge of the subject they’re trying to take me to task about, someone genuine who wants to help. It could be anyone. I don’t want to fight with people I care about, or people who are trying to be kind. And I don’t give a crap about the opinions or often poorly-architected viewpoints of idiots or assholes. And anyone who comes here trying to argue with me while concealing their identity is probably both, and a coward to boot. Who the hell hides behind a mask when debating with someone in public?

Seeking “deep discourse.” If I don’t know where you’re getting your ideas from, if I don’t have an easy way to respond to you privately, and if I don’t know who I’m talking to, I can’t help you. I get a lot of asks that are basically pleas for very specific help. “I’m having this thing happen, what does it mean?” or “This and that thing are happening, am I a witch?” I have no idea without interacting with you directly, and that means taking off the disguise. I’m sorry if that’s scary, but it’s not something I have any power over. I’m not a god, I’m not all-knowing, I just have a very specific set of skills and expertise, and I can apply them in the right circumstances.

The thing is, it’s really easy NOT to use Anon. You can make a fake account and post from there. Or, you can be brave and post from your actual account. It’s not like you list your phone number and home address and real name on there. I’m not some kind of wizard hacker who’s gonna be able to steal your personal info and send you threatening letters at your middle school or your office job or your retirement home.

In the end, cowardice is not rewarded on my blog. Caution is fine, you don’t know me and I don’t know you, but if you want to get anything really serious out of me, you’re going to have to take the grey mask off and talk to me blog-to-blog.

And in the end, I still may ignore you, or even block you, so don’t be a dick. I shouldn’t have to say this, and in general I haven’t had problems with most of my followers (thank you to all of you, you’re still awesome). But there are a few of you who send this kind of message on the regular, and while I usually ignore these kinds of messages, I’m finally bored and annoyed enough with the whole thing to say something about it.

So, these are the rules. I’m not telling anyone they have to follow them, I’m simply telling y’all that not following them means I’ll ignore you or worse.

#Srsly y'all #don't be askbox assholes #and quit trying to 'splain me

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janiedean · 5 years

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hello dearest (not) anon, excuse me if I don’t reply to you directly but as I want to block each single one of you I’ll keep the original so I can lovingly delete it after I’m finished. :)

now, I was this tempted to just delete or troll you, but as y’all have honestly seemed to not realize that you’ve gone overboard and that I didn’t want to get further involved with this dumb shipwar but you’re basically making me go like

so fine, whatever, I’ll address this one because it has all the single dumbest arguments we could have and I kind of want it for safekeeping, so.

point one: starting an ask with you freaks and then complain we don’t complain about jaime calling brienne ugly makes me wonder if you actually re-read your asks before you send them or if you even bother to make sure they’re internally coherent, because sorry but you’re basically saying this entire fandom is made of **freaks** which last I know was not a compliment to anyone’s aesthetic, so you already don’t have ground to stand on;

point two: stupid is actually a universally degrading word when referred to a specific person and used to undermine their intelligence, especially if continuously repeated. now, in *itself* it’s not damning - an argument can be stupid, a discussion can be stupid (I mean I’ve seen people savagely arguing over who had to wash the dishes, that’s a stupid reason to argue with anyone), a law can be stupid (all of italian bureaucracy is definitely a challenge for anyone for one), of course it’s all about how it’s used. for one, if used ironically and not meaning it, as in ‘my stupid son charging against dragons’, it’s not damning either, because wow, wait a moment, every single person who says that also knows that jaime is doing that out of ptsd fight instinct and that there’s nothing funny about it, but as we are people outside the narrative who love the character, we don’t mean it in a demeaning way. obviously charging at a dragon is suicidal, and it’s exactly what he’d have done (probably also in book canon I’ll give them that), but we all know why he did it, and btw dork is nowhere near on the same level as the stupidest lannister, it can be meant positively as well and tbh it’s used way more positively than that - I mean, there’s dorks in love and idiots in love as ao3 tags, no one uses them to insult the people in the ship they’re writing about now, do they? however, the whole thing about ‘the stupidest lannister’ is completely different because it implies cersei, someone jaime trusts implicitly and who’s his sister and, to him, also his lover and his other half - going by your own/their own definition - continuously demeaning his intelligence. now, I don’t think you quite realize how emotional abuse works or how that works, but let me tell you: if people you are that close with or have a fundamental impact in your upbringing (your parents, your siblings, your first teachers etc.) tell you that all the time, you end up believing that. and what comes with it? if you think you’re more stupid then them, then it means that their decisions will be better than yours because you’re too dumb to take them properly and they’re not, and you won’t even start to wonder that maybe they’re wrong and you’re right, and it’s an exceedingly common thing that happens between abusers and their victims, ie convincing them that they’re not smart enough to know what’s good for themselves, and so coming from cersei who also doesn’t want jaime to put two and two together and realize he’s a different person from her and actually, worse, doesn’t even consider the possibility that he might actually not be a different person from her, it’s straight up emotional abuse of the ugliest kind and it has nothing to do with *fans of the character* calling him a dork over his utter lack of smoothness when hitting on people, because we know why he doesn’t know how to hit on people. other than that, in the show they made jaime canonically dyslexic. now, if you even don’t get that calling someone stupid for thirty years will do a great fucking lot of damage to them (I mean, I’ve been told I was snobbish for three years by a teacher I didn’t even particularly admire in my formative years and I still have to finish unpacking the consequence of that shit, I can’t imagine being constantly demeaned by your relatives or people you trust implicitly) I doubt you’ll realize the fucking wrongness depths of the implication that the only lannister with a canon in-show learning disability is *the stupidest lannister* especially when there’s still the stigma about dyslexic people being dumb because *they can’t read* when that’s not true at all and they just need different ways of approaching a text and then they’re good to go and it has nothing to do with how smart or no they aren’t, but I’m going to tell you: it’s ableist as hell, falls under harmful stereotypes about dyslexic people that tv shows should go against, not reinforce and it has really disgusting connotations, so excuse me if I am pressed about it and other people are pressed about it and your opinion belongs in the trash and I really hope you’re not a teacher not are planning to become one;

point three: now we go at how you don’t get at all how those two work and how brienne’s character is structured, but here, let me explain you: a) jaime calls her ugly when they meet and after he loses the hand he only calls her ugly in his head and/or to her face when he’s irritated or she has misunderstood his intentions or he feels hurt by the fact that she misunderstood his intentions (when he gives her oathkeeper in the books), and in the show he stopped mid S3. on the other side, she calls him an oathbreaker and all the worst things she can call him - if you missed it, they insult each other and they start their relationship thinking the worst of the other person, and even with that he spends the entire first chapter of his in asos checking her out but you didn’t notice that I suppose; b) jaime does not call her ugly at all after he punches ronnet connington and in the show again he hasn’t since mid s3, and given that they were supposed to start as enemies and she insulted him right back, I won’t be here being pressed about them trading insults when the entire point of the story is that they stop insulting each other after they get to know each other and get closer to each other, or have you missed that too? c) the fact that he calls her ugly is actually narratively important because let me explain you something that you don’t know because you obv. haven’t read brienne’s chapters: most of the time she remembers being hurt by other men when it comes to her feelings, it’s when she found out they lied to her about her looks. she got her first trauma related to her looks when her septa told her that people who called her pretty were lying, and she got hurt during the bet with hyle and so on because those people were courting her and telling her nice things and then they were all planning on screwing her literally and metaphorically, so if someone went to brienne and told her ‘oh hey you look hot as hell let’s bang!!’, she wouldn’t believe them. let me guarantee you, she wouldn’t. the fact that jaime did not compliment her at all if not going all the way around to do it about her fighting prowess and maskerading it as insults means that he never lied to her about her looks or about anything, and the fact that then he changes and genuinely respects her and trusts in her and gives her THE THING SHE’S WANTED MOST IN HER LIFE ie a sword and a knightly quest and someone actually believing she could be a knight and carry out her vows instead of thinking she was a joke weights a lot more than any insult he might have thrown at her in the past and actually, she can trust him to not make fun of her/she can know for sure he’s not joking exactly because he never had a problem with calling her ugly (which she knows she is according to westeros beauty standards in the beginning) nor to tell her mean things when he thought them, and so since he never lied to her before and she can see that he changed, she has no reason to think he could or would lie to her after, and considering that most of her trauma is tied to having been lied to in that sense... sorry but no, it doesn’t bother me at all because if it’s an enemies to lovers kind of trope I really don’t think I’d expect him to gift her flowers at their first meeting. I mean, *enemies* to *lovers* implies that at the beginning they don’t like each other, or did you forget that words have meanings? also, hairy is not an insult. I suppose that for people who insult other people about the peach fuzz mustache most women have it would be an insult, but let me tell you: it’s not. and given that I’ve seen posts over posts about how it’s an expression of feminism to not shave I really think you haven’t even checked that discourse lately - personally I don’t care for it but like, having body hair is not automatically a crime nor a reason why you’re unattractive. get lost. and like, excuse me if insults traded by people who didn’t know each other and that they both outgrew when they did know each other are nowhere near on the same level of making someone think they’re too fucking stupid to take their own decisions and always have to follow someone else’s lead, and excuse me if I’m way more than mildly worried that anyone in this fandom would look at that stupidest lannister bullshit and actually don’t feel horrified at it.

now, honestly, can y’all just stop with this grasping at straws which happens to also be ableist as hell while pretending to give a fuck about brienne as a character - because you don’t, it’s obvious from how you don’t understand her issues at all - and keep to your own lane or what? because honestly, it’s obvious no one has ever called you ugly in your life and that you never had to deal with anyone demeaning your intelligence because you were most likely too busy demeaning other people’s, but you’ve been at this bullshit since 2013.

didn’t you get bored?\

#jaime x brienne #jaime lannister #jb wank #ableism cw #receipts #only slightly less toxic than chernobyl's ruins #anti-cersei lannister #anti-cersei #anti-lannincest #anti-jaime x cersei #emotional abuse cw #dyslexia mention #sigh #can't y'all be more obvious just DON'T

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edeneben · 5 years

Text

My Coming Out Story

⚠️//TRIGGER WARNINGS: Homophobia, Sexual Assault, rape, depression, self hatred, and suicide//⚠️

If you know me, you know I’m pretty flamboyant and pretty open about how the fact I’m pretty flipping queer. But I haven’t always been very happy being like this, as most other queer people also aren’t and this is basically the story of how I accepted that.

Second grade; the point and time in most people’s lives that is mainly a blur of silly bands, crayons, and story books. For me personally, it was the start of absolute hell.

So I was raised in a pretty religious family. I would end up praying before every meal, before I go to sleep, and at least three times a week at church functions. So really early on I heard a lot of really gross and disgusting things. (Not to say all religious people are bad, it’s just I was raised in a conservative republican town were Friday nights are spent at youth group by most high schoolers) so by the age of seven or eight I heard the words “faggot” and “queers” thrown around a lot and the whole “All homos deserve to burn in Hell and be stoned.” Though, I did’t really understand the concept of being gay, or love in general.

So you could sarcastically say I was off to a great start.

In elementary school we would read these short stories in these obnoxiously massive books, and one of these stories was about a hedgehog or something baking a yellow cake. As a fun activity my teacher Mrs.Blair has us bake a cake in groups of four. We didn’t pick our groups, she just kind of shoved our desks together and said “have fun.”

In my group it was two boys, a girl, and me. The two boys were kind of annoying and I basically ignored them the whole time, but the girl was a different story. I noticed that she had short, messy light brown hair, very pretty greenish eyes, and a very cute smile. I took a liking to her pretty quickly and I started sitting with her at lunch instead of with my friends. I knew I really enjoyed being around her and that I thought she was the actual prettiest person I had ever seen. Though, I didn’t get why.

Then my friends started talking about boys and crushes. I couldn’t relate to anything they were saying before but after I met the girl, I did start to relate. But I related in a different way. Everything they said about the boys they liked were how I thought about her. Wanting to hold her hand and play house with her and crap. (We all know playing house together was the way to flirt back then)

So inevitably I was like, “Oh. Why am I the only one thinking about girls? Am I weird?” And then I kind of understood I was the bad thing they talked about in church all the time. I was the evil horrid thing that didn’t have a place in being there. Which, was a horrible thing to think about.

This was when self hatred really set in. Not only did I deal with that crushing reality, but my teenage brother also started arguing with my parents a lot and hearing the fights really hurt me mentally and I started crying myself to sleep.

I was eight. None of that stuff should have been a problem, though of course it was. *** Then in third grade I started praying a lot more and I joined an after school church club thing ran by my church.

Every time we would meet, Father Michael would ask those of us who haven’t been saved to go to the back of the room and pray with him to get saved. He kind of knew something was up when I went back there every single meeting, but he never asked. Probably for the best in all honesty.

Then I was like, “Yeah okay all of the praying has to be working by now and I’m totally not a homosexual now lmao.” Which, obviously not but I pretended to like guys anyways. (Ey Tyler waddup bud, yeah that was you. Jokes on both of us were both gay now love youuuu)

The day I told everybody I totally definitely liked him was the day before he moved away so I wouldn't have to deal with it. So. Yeah. *** Fourth grade was more of the same, just sadder tbh. Oh and I got another crush on a girl named Kayla I dated twice. Almost three but let’s not get into that. ( @kayla-le-queen ) *** Fifth grade was the first time I ever said I liked girls out loud. Though I kind of lied to myself and said “ha ha I like both.” Which I didn’t, but I had convinced myself that I was slightly ‘normal.’

It’s kind of a weird story as I had just been swimming with my other religious friend in their pool and I was like “oh by the way-“ Which, describes how awkward I am perfectly.

This is also the year I started making internet friends who had the same interests and experiences as me and I was sort of getting my footing with myself. *** Nothing prepared me for the absolute shit storm that was sixth grade.

Not only did I deal with hitting puberty, drama, a new school, and the surfacing of panic attacks, I had to deal with getting outed. Yep. Let’s get into it shall we?

Sixth grade. I came out as bi to a couple of my friends and stopped going to church. Only low key though. I wasn’t looking for my entire life to be flipped upside down. My parents were casually homophobic and my peers were actively expressing that.

Still, I decided to start dating someone.

Remember my friend who I came out to in the pool? Yeah, them. I dated them.

BIG MISTAKE.

As soon as we started dating, they told everyone. I told them “no one needs to know, we should keep it private you know? For safety.” They refused to listen.

By the end of the day everyone in my grade and even some upperclassmen knew that I was bi. Though the message got messed up and everyone thought I was a lesbian. (Which made me uncomfortable because I was still mfnsjsjjd about gender and stuff) (that’s a whole other coming out that I don’t want to get into in this as the whole thing is not anywhere near over)

Then the bullying for it started happening.

I was the first “out” kid in my grade so of course I was met with a bunch of crap.

Girls in locker rooms would yell at me for looking up at all, and there was one incident were a girl decided to come up to me, grope my chest and laugh about it with her friends because, “I was just a dirty lesbo pervert who probably enjoyed it.”

Guys would say repeatedly they could make me straight and also would do similar things to what that girl is.

Did I tell my parents? No of course I didn’t. I wasn’t out and I needed it to stay that way. My dad had anger issues and he had once hit my brother out of anger. So, I didn’t really feel completely safe to be quite honest. (It’s kind of better now. He still gets angry easy but he only had one more incident and that was years ago.)

I ended up breaking up with that person because I clearly couldn’t trust them and I was very upset with them. I still blame them. *** Then seventh grade happened. As per usual things got worse.

My parents found out about my internet friends and read all of our messages and I got outed to them.

Then my parents never trusted me again and took away the one good thing I had in my life that was consistently there for me and genuinely made me happy and feel safe.

Their homophobia also worsened. They also outed me to all of their friends and family. (Thanks mom)

I also attempted suicide for the first time. My parents and friends still don’t know about that. *** Eight grade was the worst year of my life. In eighth grade I kind of realized I was ace and came out to my friends and the girl I liked at the time.

I kind of blocked out homophobia at that point. Yes it was still happening to me and it had gotten worse, but eighth grade was a blur for me.

I can’t really remember much of it.

My English teacher who was a mother figure, Mrs.Freeze, who was the first adult to accept me, died during the last two weeks of school.

As well as an extremely traumatic event happened.

I might delete this part when I upload it but if I don’t I want you all to know that this is where I’m warning that sexual assault victims might want to click away at.

I decided to go on the Washington DC trip with my school and the girl I liked went with me.

By the time we got back to the hotel, I hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours so I was asleep rather quickly.

It was four girls to a room, two to a bed. The two other girls left to hang out with their friends and it was just me left alone with the girl I liked and was out as ace to.

She took it upon herself to try to “fix” me.

I woke up while she was doing it and I eventually got her off me and escaped to the bathroom and cried.

I didn’t tell any adult on the trip and I just told a girl that I wasn’t comfortable around that girl anymore and thankfully she didn’t ask why and just switched seats on the bus with me and beds.

I still deal with trauma relating to this everyday, and I still have extreme panic attacks because of it. I lost physical trust with people for a while and I couldn’t be touched by anyone until recently.

This event also drove me to another suicide attempt.

That’s all I can say about that. Acephobia does exist and it can be extremely violent and damaging to people, so please just kindly shut up about ace discourse. *** During freshman year I was finally starting to be accepted by my parents, I came out as queer and ace officially, joined the GSA, met some more gays and life has been a bit better since then. *** My life isn’t perfect and homophobia is still a huge part of it and a lot of trauma surrounding my experience is still yet to be dealt with but I’m getting there. *** So my labels?

Queer and Ace-spec. That’s as specific as I can get I don’t know what you want from me lmao. *** Conclusion? Life does get better and eventually you will find acceptance and peace within yourself. I know you might be an extremely dark place with what looks like no chance of happiness or safety, but I promise you will get it eventually.

I love all of you and I wish you all the best in your own journeys.

Happy pride month.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💙💚💛🧡❤️

#pride

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tonystarkficrecs · 6 years

Photo

Hey guys! So, I received a comment on one of the fic recs I’ve posted from someone pissed off over my tagging choices. I believe everyone has the right to their own opinion, and this isn’t really meant as a callout post (hence why I blocked out their username), but I’ve been seeing this sort of thing from people angry something dissed their favorite character around now for a while and I wanted to address it.

I am not anti-cap. Just wanted to put that out there. I really like Steve Rogers, even if I think the MCU hasn’t done him enough justice. I regularly read Stony fics putting him in a good light or other fics where he’s portrayed as a genuinely good guy. I’ll admit I also have a thing for post-CACW fics where he and many of the other original Avengers are painted in a pretty negative light, but there are very few characters I actually dislike.

I do my best to tag accurately so people can find what they’re looking for. That includes tagging the main characters in a fic, usually only 2-4 of them, and almost never within the first 5 tags so it shouldn’t have appeared in a general search on the Steve Rogers tag. The fic mentioned above literally has Not Steve Friendly and Not Team Cap Friendly within the first 5 tags - if you don’t like posts with that sort of subject, blacklist it and this wouldn’t have been a problem. I use those tags because it’s a subject matter not everyone will be interested in, but some will be looking for it, and it makes it easier for both parties to decide whether or not this fic will be something of interest to them.

Tags do not belong to any one group. Steve Rogers played a significant role in that fic, so it made sense to include him in the tagging. I hate it when people play gatekeeper over specific tags like this. This blog is designed to be searchable not only by genre, length or pairing but also by the characters featured. I’m not interested in hearing why my blog sucks or I suck based off my tagging choices. I don’t want to hear why someone thinks a fic sucks just because it disses a character - people have a right to their interpretations, even if I don’t agree with them, but you won’t find me writing hate comments because I thought they got someone’s characterizations wrong.

On that note, I’m not going to be publishing anyone’s angry, ranty asks if they’re posed in a manner like this, so please stop sending them. I’m open to debate or legitimate criticism! If you think I should be doing something differently, feel free to let me know! I don’t bite, I love it when people send asks or requests, but I didn’t start this blog to argue with people especially if they’re putting down other people’s fics like this. This is a blog for fic recs, not angry discourse. Sorry this ended up being so long, but this is the only time I plan to address comments/asks like this and hopefully this means I won’t feel the need to again.

#personal #response #wow that ended up way longer than i planned #i think i would have been less annoyed if this had been about one of my own fics #i get a little riled up when i see others attacking people's fics #like come on #people write fanfiction for fun #you didn't pay for it #you don't have to read it #and if you didn't like it don't leave hate comments #even in a proxy way like this guy did #all it does is make people upset #it serves no purpose aside from making yourself feel good #half this person's anti tony stuff is tagged as Tony Stark too so this was pretty hypocritical #just saying #rant over

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sage-nebula · 7 years

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I'm done watching the TMSE eps! The action was cool! And Alan jumping to reach Lizardon when he's hurt was great.

I’m happy you enjoyed them!! ♥ And YES, aside from how much I love (beyond words) what Alan sparing .01 seconds before leaping out of the aircraft to go save Lizardon says about their bond and how much Alan loves that dragon, I also think that was one of the coolest bits of animation the series has had to date. (That, and Lizardon corkscrewing around … I think it was one of Kyogre’s attacks, might’ve been one of Groudon’s, though.) It was just so fluid and smooth, and so realistically done, in that you know that Alan’s body weight and the momentum of his jump would swing him around like that. God, it was awesome. One of my favorite parts. ♥

But that aside … yeah, no, I don’t think you’re being picky at all. While I did like it the first time I watched, the more times I’ve watched TSME + Alan’s main series episodes (and I’ve rewatched them all dozens of times—I have some parts of dialogue straight up memorized), the more I’ve come to realize that Alan’s and Manon’s relationship is not only unhealthy, but was also very poorly developed and written (which is part of what makes it so unhealthy). I’m putting the rest of this under a cut, because it’s an unpopular fandom opinion that’s very critical, and I do not want Discourse™, so no one better start any with me when I’m being as polite as I can by putting this under a cut to begin with.

(And that includes vaguing about me, because so help me, if I find out you’ve vagued about me / made passive-aggressive posts whatsoever as a result of this, I’ll block you at best and give you the aggressive fight you’ll clearly be craving at worst, no forgiveness and no mercy. I’m seriously not in the mood whatsoever. So if you really like their relationship / believe Manon did no wrong ever in her life and can’t stand to read opinions to the contrary, just do literally everyone a favor and don’t click to go under the cut.)

To begin with, Alan’s and Manon’s relationship is predicated on Manon ignoring Alan’s boundaries and denied consent for companionship and partnership. She develops an interest in him when she sees him use mega evolution, and overhears him say that he wants to “defeat all mega evolutions and stand at the top.” Manon believes that Alan has a lot of personal ambition, which is something that resonates with her (given that she also has personal ambitions, and she admires / values those who believe similarly). All of that, plus the fact that she (as part of her own personal ambition) wants to use mega evolution for her own strength, power, and glory, leads to her latching onto him so that he can lead her to mega stones.

The problem is that Alan does not want her company. He makes this explicitly clear time and again throughout TSME 1. He calls her “pesky” (i.e. annoying), he tells her flat out “don’t follow me,” he tells her that certain things about him aren’t her business, he ditches her at every opportunity, et cetera. It’s made abundantly clear, over and over again, that Alan does not want Manon’s company. Manon, however, ignores this. When he tells her, “don’t follow me,” she shouts at him, “I can do whatever I like!” When he ditches her at the PokéCenter and goes to meet Siebold for a match on his own, she chases him down and shouts at him to stop leaving her behind in the middle of the restaurant, causing a scene because he didn’t wait for her even though he never consented to their partnership (and flat out told her that he didn’t want it). Some have argued that since he stopped to help her capture that flabébé, and that since he escorted her to the PokéCenter, that clearly meant he wanted her to come along. However, not only is Alan not anywhere remotely near that level of tsundere (calling him a tsundere shows a blatant lack of understanding of his character; if anything he would be a kuudere, but he’s not that, either), but he stopped to help her capture the flabébé because he saw that she was struggling (he flat out says, “You’re struggling” before he offers assistance) and he doesn’t like to see people struggle or suffer. He always steps in to help, first thing. And after that, he escorted her to the PokéCenter because she demonstrated twice in that battle that she was prone to getting distracted, the second time of which was at the detriment of the poisoned pokémon she had just captured. (“That’s great, now get it to the Pokémon Center so you can treat the poison,” Alan says, as Manon celebrates her capture.) Alan stopped to help an inexperienced trainer, and then escorted her to the PokéCenter so that her flabébé wouldn’t suffer from poison any longer. Once both things were accomplished, he left, because he did not want to travel with her. He had his own journey, he didn’t want to be a Babysitter™.

But Manon didn’t respect that. She continued to hunt him down, no matter how many times he said “no” or “don’t” or “stop.” His refused consent meant nothing in comparison to her own desires. Eventually, by the end of the episode, she wears him down and he gives up, allowing her to “do whatever [she] want[s]” because he realizes that nothing he says or does is effective enough to get her to back off. (I mean, if I were in his shoes, I would have resorted to calling out Lizardon to scare her into running away, but Alan is a lot nicer than I am.) Manon railroaded over his boundaries until he gave dubious consent because nothing he did to turn her away was effective.

So the very foundation of their relationship is Alan saying “no” and Manon saying “yes” and Alan sighing and giving in because she won’t take “no” for an answer. They didn’t enter into truly consensual partnership at the end of TSME 1, because someone giving in purely because saying “no” and “don’t follow me” and “stop following me” isn’t the same as truly consenting to partnership. Perhaps because of this, we don’t see anything of them enjoying each other’s company in either TSME 2 or TSME 3. In TSME 2, we see Alan having to pull Manon out of jam after jam; she trips down the hill and gets stuck in the bramble, and Alan (exasperated, and having to pull himself away from his work) chases after her, only to find that Steven rescued her first (which Alan thanks him for). She does the same thing a little while later, and this time Alan—grousing over the fact that “you’re always like this”—goes to get her again. During the Mega Rayquaza attack, she gets thrown off her feet and Alan dives to catch her. He protects her, obviously, and looks out for her, but again: This is the type of person he is. He’s not going to let a ten-year-old child come to harm when he can do something to prevent it. He’s not going to let her be stuck in bramble after she tumbles down a hill if he can help get her out of it. He can’t stand to see people hurt or suffering, even if it’s a minor inconvenience they brought on themselves, and even if they annoy him (which Manon does, because these are two whole specials in which he doesn’t once smile genuinely at her). To that end, while I still find the scene funny because of how big brother - little sister it is, he flat out tells her to “go somewhere else” when Lysandre arrives, and is constantly stressing over her annoying or agitating Lysandre (because you know, the last thing someone who has been emotionally abused for several years wants is for their abuser to be set off by something), so yeah, in TSME 2 it’s readily apparent that he found her presence more stressful than fun.

TSME 3 is along the same lines. Manon insults Alan when he follows Steven into the Devon building so they can communicate with Lysandre about the megalith and Primal Legedaries (“Don’t you have this thing called ‘emotion’?”), because she, I guess, doesn’t recognize or respect the fact that he’s working, this is serious, it was never meant to be a fun journey, she should have realized that when she refused to stop stalking him. She then grows agitated when he volunteers to go stop the Primal Legendaries, because she has finally realized that he does not have personal ambition, that he is the type of person who will volunteer to “fight against the world’s destruction” because it’s the Right thing to do. Manon is not that type of person. That type of motivation doesn’t make sense to her. When she does stow away to go to the Primal Legendary battle site, she does so for Alan’s sake, because she’s attached to him and views him as one of her own. (You may notice all these Slytherin qualities piling up, and yeah—Manon is very Slytherin, as I’ve discussed at length before.) Regardless, she fights with him over it, and Alan—recognizing that she cares about his safety, and feeling a bit touched by that, but not wanting her at the Primal Legendaries site because it’s dangerous and she would just be at risk again like she was before, particularly if she doesn’t even want to be there (and she doesn’t—she flat out says that she’s not going)—tells her to go back to Kalos. Again, some people take issue with this, but Kalos is her home region, she only went to Hoenn to tag along with him, she can resume her badge quest (if she’s even on one—tbh, she never says she is) once she goes back home, and anyway, he’s not forcing her. Even if she doesn’t go back to Kalos, she can go somewhere else in Hoenn. The point is, he’s telling her—once again!—not to follow him.

But she does. And to be fair, it works out for the best; thanks to Hari-san’s quick thinking (because remember, Manon did not give him a single command in all of TSME 3) and Steven’s Mega Metagross, Manon was able to drag Alan’s body to safety after Primal Groudon knocked him unconscious and almost killed him. And this, at the tail end of TSME 3, is what finally makes Alan warm to Manon. It’s not that she saved him, but rather, it’s their conversation near the end of the episode. This exchage:

Alan: “Were you scared?”

Manon: “Yeah … but … I was really worried, so—!”

Alan: “Thank you.”

This is the very first genuine smile we get from him to her, and it’s at the end of TSME 3. Alan is not only courageous, but he values courage; there’s a reason why he specifically asked Manon if she was scared when she did what she did. He was confirming a thought, which is that she was terrified, but did what she felt was right anyway, which is important to him. True courage is doing what must be done despite being frightened, and that’s what Manon did. When Manon showed true courage, that won Alan over. It took nearly three entire specials to do it, but she did it. She finally did it.

The problem, as you pointed out, is that this isn’t good writing, because we never actually see them bond. Not once does Alan want to be around her. Not once does he actually enjoy spending time with her. To be fair, in TSME 2 and TSME 3 he’s stressed the entire time because Lysandre is there. But even before Lysandre shows up, Alan shows exasperation at Manon’s antics, rather than enjoyment. He’s not spending time with a friend; he’s babysitting a child that won’t stop tagging along with him. TSME 1, the entirety of which shows him repeatedly trying to ditch her while she refuses to be ditched, doesn’t help this. Lysandre isn’t physically present at all in TSME 1, so Alan is as relaxed as he ever is in TSME, and yet he still doesn’t have any desire to hang around Manon. The fact that he repeatedly tries to ditch her cements this.

So even though he warms up to her due to her act of courage in TSME 3, yeah, we have no real reason to be invested in their relationship, unless Manon’s feelings are all that you care about, in which case you just want him to be a pretty trophy for her to finally win. If your objective is to see Manon happy by having her “get the boy,” then yeah, I guess that would make you happy. But as for me, well, I actually care about Alan, so to see his wishes and consent explicitly disrespected again, and again, and again, and again in TSME 1, and then to see him having to just try to babysit / protect her in TSME 2 and 3 until she finally does something for him in return … yeah, that relatonship doesn’t do very much for me. I’m not a fan.

That said, we can kind of understand why, perhaps, the sudden (platonic) affection he felt for Manon in that moment made her so important to him if we consider the fact that he has not only been protecting her throughout the past two traumatic events, but also that he’s been emotionally abused by Lysandre for the past two years (well, the actual time span isn’t given, but it’s been a long time, and that’s the time frame I gave it), and that Manon’s hug is probably the first hug he’s had from another human being in that time. He hasn’t seen Sycamore since he entered Lysandre’s service, which also means that he hasn’t had any emotional support from another human being at all in that time. He has Lizardon, of course, and Lizardon is irreplaceable, but it’s a bit different when you can get that affection from another human being. Alan already demonstrated that he never wanted Manon in danger, over and over again in the specials, and that was just when she was a kid that was tagging along with him. Now she’s someone who genuinely cares about him, she’s given him the first human hug he’s had in potential years, and now he wants to make absolutely sure she’s not in danger. He wants her to be safe, he wants her to have a good journey. He wants her far, far, far away from him. When we think about it like that, Alan considering getting strength to protect her can make sense, even though I once again agree that it was rushed as hell and doesn’t feel as emotionally satisfying as his relationship with Sycamore. (Because even though we only have flashbacks of their relationship at this point, the very first flashback we get of them in TSME 1 is one where Alan was enjoying spending time with Sycamore, where he grinned and smiled genuinely at him; and in TSME 2, we not only see him once again beaming at Sycamore (and calling him voluntarily), but we also see that the only reason why he agreed to Lysandre’s service was to protect Sycamore, so that makes their relationship feel satisfying even before their main series interactions, which is something that—despite all the on-screen time they spent together—we just did not get from Alan and Manon.)

Of course, then TSME 4 happens, and Manon once again hunts him down (across continents, this time!) when he leaves her behind. She confronts him, and he rebuffs her. Contrary to what some try to claim, in this fight, he does explicitly tell her that they cannot travel together, and when she demands to know why, he explicitly tells her because she will be in danger again. And she doesn’t care. Not only does she repeatedly cut him off when he’s in the middle of talking during this argument, but she rebukes each and every attempt he makes to end the partnership (that, as he points out in this fight, he never even consented to) before he screams a lie at her. He tried every single tactic he had to try and end that partnership. He told her no, and that didn’t work. He told her not to follow him, and that didn’t work. He tried leaving her behind, and that didn’t work. He told her they couldn’t travel together anymore, and that didn’t work. He told her he was worried about her safety, and that didn’t work. I have to point out that if their genders were reversed, people would be up in arms about a girl getting so desperate to get a boy to stop following her that she has to scream a lie at him to get him to back off, and they wouldn’t feel any sympathy whatsoever when the boy cried later for it. But sexist double standards mean that the fandom hates and trashes all over Alan for this instead when Manon finally leaves, and then sends her chespin away from her (instead of recalling him to his pokéball), which then results in him getting in trouble and landing in a coma. Fandom thinks that’s Alan’s fault.

It’s not. It’s hers. Her constant railroading of Alan’s boundaries aside, she was the irresponsible trainer who sent Hari-san away instead of recalling him to his pokéball. It’s no different than when newbie!Ash abandoned Metapod in the first few episodes of the OS, to the point where Metapod was taken hostage by the beedrill. The only difference is, Ash was raked over the coals for it, and forced to own up to his own irresponsible behavior. He learned his lesson and grew as a trainer and person because of it.

Manon never did. Not only is she never called out by fandom, but Alan blames himself as well, feeling guilty for yelling at Manon, somehow construing what happened to Hari-san to therefore be his fault (presumably because he didn’t protect her, as he feels was his responsibility). Therefore, he decides to devote his gathering of mega evolution energy to healing Hari-san, so that Manon will no longer be in despair. (Because remember, Alan hates to see people struggle. He didn’t even want to see Manon struggle with bramble. So how do you think it makes him feel to hear someone, much less a child like her, sobbing? Alan cares too much. He can’t shrug and say she should have been more responsible. It kills him to see someone heartbroken like that, so he decides to save Hari-san to make her smile. Again, it’s just the type of person he is.)

Without giving too much away about the future episodes, the problem with this is that Alan’s motivation is guilt. He feels guilty for what happened to Hari-san. He wants to make it right. And because he blames himself for yelling at Manon, which he then thinks led to what happened to Hari-san, how likely do you think it’s going to be that he’ll tell her “no” to things in the future? The last time he asserted his boundaries, Hari-san ended up in a coma. He fixed that, but he won’t want it to happen again. This makes their relationship very unhealthy, especially because later episodes make it very, abundantly clear that Manon has not learned a damn thing from any of this and continues to push her own desires onto him. (What happens in XYZ045 was so bad that it actually triggered me re: bad memories of my own boundaries being violated in my youth. It’s a huge part of why I disavow everything after XYZ044.) Unless Manon learns her lesson and stops overriding his boundaries, and Alan has it reinforced that he’s allowed to set those boundaries, their relationship could get very toxic, very fast, and all at Alan’s expense. And again, this is on top of being so poorly developed that we don’t actually see them enjoying each other’s company, that we don’t actually see Alan wanting to spend time with her, that the most we get is that he’s grateful for her assistance, responds warmly to her display of courage, wants her safe, and feels guilty about Hari-san. The fact of the matter is, these two characters are just incompatible, but because the anime team was worried that the children in the audience wouldn’t be able to relate to Alan since he’s a teenager, they inserted Manon to be a viewpoint character for the audience. No wonder their relationship is so poorly developed; Manon’s function was to be an audience surrogate, not to have a positive impact on Alan’s life.

So yeah, just … you’re not being picky. I’ll admit that my feelings are especially negative given the way fandom likes to treat Alan as Manon’s pretty trophy, stripping him of just about everything he is so that he can be a prize to prop her up instead, but again, I’ve rewatched TSME and Alan’s main series episodes at least ten times each over the past year. And every rewatch I have makes me realize more and more just how underdeveloped and honestly not good their relationship is. I try to fix this in my own writings by having Alan assert his boundaries more + having Manon go on on her own separate journey at the end of canon, without him, so that she can learn and grow as an independent trainer and person (because she’s barely a trainer by the end of it all, tbh; she never once battles, and the series repeatedly draws parallels between her and Bonnie, a seven-year-old who also doesn’t battle because she’s too young). I try to fix the damage as best I can, but it’s damage that had no real reason to exist in the first place. If Manon had been in the main series instead as a traveling companion for Ash’s rival Shouta, and a rival / protégé for Ash, then she and Alan could have met as opponents in the League, she would have had more screentime and agency in the narrative, and literally everything would have been improved by a thousandfold.

But c’est la vie, that’s not what happened. Not very much I can do about it. :/

#somegiantmess

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