#if you’re gonna quote me on anything here is the context

[romana-after-dark]

Room's on Fire: Girl on Fire

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist : MainTaglist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Everyone is together, everything is complete.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

WARNINGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED!!!

Extra warnings for chapter: Pregnancy, breeding kink, violent sex, domestic violence on a man, gunshots, references to murder,, death, torture, all the horrors. The end was disturbing even to me, so read with caution. If you find the end was too much, just ask me what happens and I'll tell you. not super plot important but like it was pointed out, the sex is how we see dynamic shifts. Mentions of mpreg fantesy but no mpreg will happen bc they arent actually god, just insane.

3.7k words

A/N: Some pov shifts. Madonna, Jonah, Rey, Santi all get POV's.

A.N2: context for song quote, Alicia wrote girl on fire after the birth of her son.

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"She's on top of the world Hottest of the hottest girls say Oh, we got our feet on the ground And we're burning it down Oh, got our head in the clouds And we're not coming down This girl is on fire" ~ Girl On Fire, Alicia Keys

“It’s okay, you’re gonna do great.” Rey assured her, sitting on a table in the dressing room despite a chair being right there. His lanky legs liked to dangle, you noticed, or sometimes perch up in high places. He reminded you of a bird sometimes, lithe and graceful and seemed to float on his feet.

“What if they don’t like me? What if something happens? What if there’s another uprising or someone wants revenge on me because of my dad-”

“The people love you, and they were going to love you even more with this announcement. Jonah’s not going to let anything happen to you, you know that.”

Your face grows warm at the mention of Jonah. He had acted distant with you since the instance of Frankie and you on the horse, and wouldn’t let you see his face when he showed up the next morning with bruises. In fact, you’d hardly seen him at all. Rey was your primary guard, and Will had talked about moving your room to one with an attached room for Reyansh so that he could stay with you at all times. It seemed everyone knew Iris and Rey were an item, or at least they understood Reyansh was not a threat. You had begged Will not to switch around rooms. The reason given was that you liked your room, but really, you were hoping that you’d be moved into a room with one of your husbands. You weren’t visited by the incubus the night they all slept in your room.

Still, Jonah looked out for you. Under your dress right now was his bulletproof vest. 

A knock on the door.

“Come in.” Iris called to the door, still working on your hair.

Will entered the room. “Are you ready, Madonna?”

Before you opened your mouth, Iris replied. “You could use her real name, you know.”

Will didn’t look at her, keeping his eyes on you. “Her name is irrelevant, her position is everything.” When he turns and sees Reyansh, Will frowns. “What are you doing in here?”

Iris was quick to answer his unvoiced question. “He only came in after she was dressed.”

He instructs Reyansh to ready the carriage. Once he was out, Will turned to you with a smile. “You look stunning, Madonna.” Your heart swells with love for your handsome husband, dressed in his loose white shirt. In your hair, small white flowers adored you, carefully placed and worked in by Iris’s hands. She was incredible, making your dress too. It was colorful, with a color representing all four of your husbands. Under it, a bulletproof vest. No one in delta outside of guardsmen was allowed guns, but he wanted to be safe.

“Wow…” Will whispers, taking you in. There was just the slightest swell of a bump, you wondered if it was just weight gained from eating more these few months. Will took you into his arms kissing you deeply and feeling your stomach. Iris mumbles close enough as you’re pulled away. He turns back to her only a moment. “Make sure everything is ready when we’re back, please.”

Iris sighs, “It always is, Mr. Miller.”

*

Jonah cocked his gun. “Same as last time, honey. Anything happens, you come with me. Those guys can handle themself. I get hurt, do not stop for me. Just run. Someone will come find you, you just keep yourself alive, got it?” His brown eyes were on you for the first time in a long time, and you relaxed. Jonah’s eyes always calm you. It’s scary, knowing you were responsible for not just you, but someone else as well. The priestess stood at the balcony to the side, your husbands flanking you. Pope to your right, Francisco to your left, Ben to his left and Will to Popes right. Just as you were married.

“Men! Women! Children of Delta!” She shouts to the crown. “I present your Gods and your Madonna!” The crowd erupts into screams, and your heart fills with love for your people. “And!” A hush falls over the ground, waiting breaths quiet as they wait for the news. “I present to you, THE SAVIOR!”

The sound was deafening, a noise that shocked you and made you stumble back. To your surprise, Pope was behind you. It was a greater surprise when he rucked up your skirt.

Immediately your hands, out of instinct, go to bring the material down but his fingers quickly dig into your skin, warning you to behave. So, you stand there, humiliated, left hand gripping Francisco’s tighter. Pope loved you, he loved you and he’d never do something just to humiliate you! How stupid of you for feeling that way. This child was long prayed for, they and your body belonged to your husbands, belonged to Delta. Pope lifted your dress over the small bump,exposing your underwear to the crown. No one outside of your husband, a few house motherns and prefects had seen you in your underwear, so this was difficult…

But then Pope kissed your neck, and the worries melted away. Will, Francisco and Ben come to you, each placing a hand on your stomach as the priestess shouts, reaffirming that the savior’s parentage was of all four, that each of your husbands fathered this baby. You were called the vessel for their seed.

Then, you were placed on a tour. On a sitting carriage with all 4 of your husbands, you were paraded around to cheering people, the faces of women from your dormitory and even your room recognizable in the crowds. One woman whose bed was next to yours shot you a deadly glare as you passed by. She was mean, frequently detailing her escapades with Ben and throwing your own lack of attention in your face, but who was laughing now? Ben choose her for a short term fuck. You had a greater purpose.

When you reached the mansion again, the gates were crowded with people reaching out for you, and although there was fear as the mass of the crowd grew, there was also power. The savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned lay in your holy womb, you were the bringer of life. YOU were the divine mother.

The gunshot brought you back to reality.

*

“WILL!” You scream as your husband is shot backwards, stumbling into his brother’s arms who he shoved out of the way of the bullet. Jonah didn’t care about Will, however. He didn’t care about Ben falling at him brothers side under the weight. He didn’t even care about Francisco scrambling to grab at Ben in the chaos, and he certainly didn’t care about Santiago dragging Frankie away.

He cared about, sobbing in his arms desperately trying to get to your fallen love. Jonah wrapped an arm around you and pulled you away into the riotous, scampering crowd. You needed to get away from the shooter. 

“NO!” You bawl loudly. Howling that he’s dying, that you need to be with him, but Jonah didn’t give a shit about that prick. He calls to Reyansh, who jumped out of the carriage the second the gun goes off. It was intentional, having Rey at the helm with him; only Rey would care enough about you out of all the guardsmen that Jonah could depend on him. Into the madness, you wouldn’t stop screaming and that rainbow dress of yours was not helping the situation. 

“Rey! The tunic!” Jonah had to spin you around to disorient you enough to make you stop fighting in your hysteria, forcing your arms up while Rey slid a long, brown standard tunic over your body, making you blend into the neutral tones on the crown. Jonah clamped down over your mouth and pulled you away as the center of the shooting grew further away, Reynash covering you both. Once at the posting for a guard, Rey held you as Jonah mounted the steed and pulled you up, riding off with you.

*

You hadn't stopped sobbing for hours. Reyansh watched in concern, wanted so badly to comfort you lest the heaving and thrashing harm the baby or yourself. Rey loved children, he couldn’t wait for a day he could take Iris away and raise a family together, to finally be with her intimately and live a life with her. 

Even if children weren’t in the picture (Iris wanted one in theory, but was hesitant to bring one into this world, understandably.) he’d cherish a life growing old with his lover. Maybe they’d some orphaned child; Iris had a soft spot for children in need. Her maternal instincts are why, despite not wanting to be friends or even really know her, Iris took care of the girl. Iris had ten years on the naive child. Continuously, she had warned him about keeping his distance, not raising suspicion that anything was happening between him and the girl, but it wasn’t his fault she was damn delightful. However, despite her obvious beauty, talents and sweet demeanor, nothing compared to Iris.

Reyansh could wax poetry about her all day long, and often did. He barely had any free time, most of the pockets of time he had, Rey liked to help Iris with her Herculean tasks, the laundry and dishes like Sisyphus and the boulder. He couldn’t take away the fact the next day would be filled with more dishes, more wall washing, more cooking, but he’d gladly sacrifice an hour of sleep so she could gain one. With him at all times, however, was his notebook and pen. As he sat at a mount or perch Rey liked to try his hand at poetry and writing. 

Sometimes it was about the beauty of nature, the flowers he planted and gardens he kept, how they gave him joy during difficult times. Sometimes it was about the complex nature of family, of Iris and Jonah, Santiago and what he knew of Beatriz, which wasn’t much, the strained love and hatred between Will and Ben, or his own desire for fatherhood. Sometimes he wrote about the 5 lovers, the girl, the men who claimed to be gods, how each individual relationship strengthened them and weakened them in their own ways and how the girl changed things for better or for worse. Mostly, he just wrote about Iris, the prettiest flower he had.

He caught a glimpse of Jonah at the window, motioning him to come out. This safe house was his idea. Apparently, he and Marcus used to escape here sometimes.

Rey tries to tell you he’s stepping outside but you aren’t listening, curled up in a ball on the bed sobbing. He makes his exit.

Once outside, Jonah offers him a sip from his flask but Rey declines.

“I was going to ask how she is, but I can hear my answer.” The sound of you wailing penetrates the walls.

“How Will?”

“He’ll live, unfortunately.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” Jonah sighs, lighting a cigarette. “Wish those fuckers would just die.”

There was a long pause, Reyansh thinking hard before saying what he was thinking. He didn’t defy or talk back to Jonah, he respected him as his superior and, for all intents and purposes, his father in law. But Jonah was flawed. “You’re the one with a gun, Jonah”

Jonah inhaled a long drag before answering in a puff of smoke. “We’ve been over this.” He walked into the safe house.

They had talked, several times. Rey wanted Iris out but he didn’t have much power and knowledge. Jonah had the gun and a hundred reasons not to. There was no way to kill all 4 because everyone was armed. The community would riot. There was no where safe to go. A failed attempted would end Iris’s life. All these may be true, Jonah did have 4 decades of guard experience… but really, Rey thought he was just a coward, and maybe he cared for Pope and/or Francisco more than he’d like to admit. He’d been with those two since infancy, helped raise them, been a father figure most of their lives… it was understandable.

When he walked into the house, it was to crying but this time, relieved. He must have told her Will would be okay. You had your arms wrapped around his neck and he held you close to him, rubbing your back.

“It’s gonna be okay, honey, everyone’s gonna be just fine.”

*

Ben was changing Will’s bandages when you walked in and it made you nauseous to see the blood. Jonah said the bullet went straight through, that he’d be okay he just needed to rest, but the sight was disturbing.

Will groans. “Baby, don’t want you seeing me like this.”

Benny flicks his brothers arm. “Let her be, she was worried about you.”

The older Miller grumbled, but allowed you to kneel his side. He thumbed away a tear, “Don’t cry for me, beautiful girl.”

“What happened?” You sniffle, looking between Benny and Will.

“A girl from the dorms, she took the gun off a guard and tried to shoot-”

Ben interrupted. “You, Madonna.” He looked to his brother. “Melody, your old roommate, she tried to shoot you out of jealousy, she wanted to be with me. Will pushed you aside, took the bullet.”

You blink at that. Melondy wanted to shoot you? She wanted you dead? And Will. was he even standing by you? “But… I don’t remember being pushed.”

“Oh sweet girl…” Will cood. “Do you not remember? Poor thing, it was probably so traumatic-”

“No, I remember-”

“Your brain probably blocked a lot of it out, repressed it to protect you.”

Yeah, yeah that made sense. Memory was fragile. Will winced and Ben finished cleaning him and you took his hand as a new packing kit was applied. “Thank you for saving me…” You kiss his hand, feeling the rough knuckles warm skin. “For saving our baby…”

You fell asleep beside him that night, laying on his chest. He was warm, firm, inviting and protective. Nothing mattered more than the fact your husbands and your baby were safe.

Melody was dead. After the first shot missed, she approached where the four men had gathered intent on finding you, but Ben said Pope shot her square in the forehead, that he protected you while Jonah and Reyansh took you to safety. Ben said he had stood in front of his brothers and you, fearless, brave and bold. Pope loved his people, but he loved you most of all.

When you awoke, it was lae evening and although you wanted to go back to sleep, after some tossing and turning you realized you could. Not wanting to wake Will, you check his pulse and breathing, both strong and head out of the room to see if anyone is up. You know they dont like you wandering around the mansion without protection but you weren’t a child.

After Jonah and Rey had taken you back home, you were desperate to see William, but Pope demanded your presence with Francisco, both holding you tightly and checking you over again and again, tell you how precious you were, how loved. Pope knelt in front of you, hands on your belly, kissing it. You were thankful to have such loving and protective husbands. Despite the horrors of today, you felt blessed beyond measure 

You came to the kitchen first seeing a light on. Sometimes Benny liked late night snacks. Instead, you see Iris and Reyansh slow dancing in the kitchen. Iris was actually smiling. No doubt Rey was fearful of his own women’s safety being forced in the cabin with you for so long after a riot broke out right outside where she was. Silent, you step away from the cute lovers and allow them their time. Rey helped save your life today, you needed to thank him, and thank Iris for all she did for your family, you were lucky to have them both.

You try to see if Pope is awake next. When you approach his room, the grunting sounds make you stop, peaking through the slightly cracked door. Pope was on top of Francisco, fucking into his ass with his legs bent up into a press. It was a position he used on you many a time. Francisco was a puddle beneath him, his curls stuck to the sweat on his head. He looked incredible. The way Pope kissed him so deep… You couldn’t help feeling warm inside. How lucky you were that your husbands loved each other so much.

Ben was found in the gym. For a moment, you merely watch him. Shirtless in his red shorts and throwing punches at a punching bag. He probably had so much energy in him after everything today, watching his brother bleeding in his arms. She knew they didn’t always get along, Ben holding anger for Will so often and over what, you couldn’t yet discern. Maybe this tragedy would bring them back together. You admire his body, carved out and chiseled in perfect form. 

You loved the bodies of all your husbands, in each and every different.

Will was largess; tall, muscular, wide everywhere. Everywhere. His body consumed you just as yours consumed him; he was like a shield, metaphorically and now literally.

Santiago was softer. A small belly that was only noticeable when he was bent over, plush though and a moon shaped ass. He was all curves, from his nose down to his calved you had massaged so ardently.

If Pope was soft, Francisco was a pillow. Heavy weight surrounded him, the broad expanse of his shoulders to the fat at his waist and you just wanted to bury your face into it, you want to bite, nibble, and worship the pudge that spilled over his pants.

Ben was lean, the tallest of them and slim hips under rippling muscles. Golden God, beholden before you and it was as if his glory radiated off him. Despite the strength he was light on his feat. He could have been a boxer in another life.

“How are you feeling?” His deep voice breaks the tranfiction of the way his body moved, stilling the punching bag.

“I’m good, just woke from a nap with Will.”

Still looking away, Ben nodded. His mood matched the storm clouds out the window. After wiping his face, Benny chugged water and then finally made his way over to you in long, quick strides. His eyes flashed with the lightning outside.

*

Pope fucked Frankie with a fury he couldn’t recall in years. Frankie had defined him, ignoring his orders to leave but no, he wanted to stay with Ben. 

“You don’t think I wanted Ben and Will safe too?” He growled in his lovers ear. 

“I know!”

“You’re more important!”

He almost lost Will, Ben, the savior, and most importantly Frankie today. The girl would pay, fuck she’d pay. He couldn’t do anything Madonna might see, she thinks she’s dead already… no, a gunshot was to quick for someone trying to harm his family, but he’d make her suffer.

His anger toward Francisco wouldn't be helped when today, when he went to make love to Frankie, he found him in Ben's arms, cumming on his hand.

*

Ben had you pinned against the wall, fucking into you with your legs hitched around his narrow hips. The wind outside picked up speed, displaying his anger, his frustration, his love and his lust. You let him take you, fucking into your pregnant womb with his face tucked in your neck. You felt as if you were floating, like you were the center of the world right now. The sun God orbited you. Someone had tried to take you from him, a women he used to claim as his own but she had been cast aside for a reason. In her jealousy, she though she could regain her place at his side but that was foolish. Ben would never have loved her the way he loved you, the way he loved his husbands. Will, Francisco and Pope could never love her. 

She was not the Madonna.

She could never carry the savior.

She could only ever have a bastard.

*

“Gonna fill you up, Frank.” Pope grunted, breath hot against Francisco's cheek, mouth to mouth, lips to lips. “Gonna fill up this tight little hole of yours until you’re pregnant with my baby, you got that?”

Frank’s eyes went wide. “Santi, wha-” But he stopped when Santiago slapped him. This shocked Frankie, Santi didn’t slap him, he didn’t hurt him like that…

“Take it!” Santiago screams, tears of anger blurring his eyes. He chose Ben over him. He’d rather stay in danger with Ben than safety with him. “Your mine, under stand?!” When Frankie didn’t answer right away, Pope gripped his jaw and felt a warm tear fall down his cheek. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

*

Long fingers gripping your asscheeks, digging into the sensitive skin.

Firm abs rubbing against your body.

Hips stimulating your clit.

A finger fucking into your asshole. 

Everything was better than your wildest dreams. No incubus, a child on the way, friends and family. This was a life your father tried to take from you, but you were like gold that’s tested in fire.

Ben came inside when the thunder cracked, lightning still flashing and illuminating him with light. He muttered Francisco’s name.

*

“YES!” Francisco shouted in pain, face grimacing. “I’m yours! I’m yours Santi, fill me up! Make me-” He swallowed, tears forming at his long lashes. He gritted his teeth. “Make me p-pregnant!”  Francisco was saying anything that'd make Santi stuff, just to make him cum and end this. He just wanted it over. All of it. He didn't understand why he wasn't allow to be happy, to feel safe, to have peace. Instead he had to submit to Santi's whims just like Beatriz.

Santiago tucked his face into his lovedrsneck, biting him as he came inside. Whimpering, tears streaming wildly down his face, Santiago bit into Frankie’s tender flesh: neck, then shoulder, till finally he just continuously bit into the skin on his large arm, drawing the blood and bruising the skin. It hurt like hell, Frankie's head thrashing back and forth on the pillow trying to take the pain and bare it. Santiago's tears mixed with blood as he finished cumming, thrusts slowing into a lul.

Francisco didn’t know where his body ended and Santi’s began.

He wanted Ben, to be held and protected by him. To be touched gently, with love. To be not possessed but show off so that he knew Ben was proud of him, proud of what they had, not what the fuck Santigo was doing to him. He wanted Madonna with her sweet kisses and open adoration. He wanted Will with his healing nature, tender hands on his arching, bleeding arm. He wanted anything but Santi’s touch right now.

Santiago curled behind Francisco. His hand rested on Frankie’s stomach.

***********

This disturbed me writing the end asdfghjkl

Madonna crying Reminds me of tww bonus chapter where little one thinks joel is dead and is just ugly sobbing

Madonna has... a lot to process today, and absolutly no therapy and no one she can be honest with about what she's witnessing.

I hope you all enjoyed... or .... something....???

Thoughts on Santis episode, Benny having a fit because he wanted Frankie but had to take madonna, will being shot, madonna is pregant, rey's thoughts!!!!! Jonah protecting madonna, etc.

UUUHHHHH poll?

love you all dearly <3 I hope to get at least one more tf fic for the triple frontier anniverary evnt before the end, and maybe something else like a TWW bonus chapter i've been wanting, but no gurantees. next week is spring break and i have 10k worth of commissions to write so il be busy! I wanna get the last chapter of my handmaids tale au out though, end that baby <3

also if you havn't yet, consider following me on my main @romanarose because im like 20 followers away from 2k and once i do, ill be open to writing stuff for a celebration!

Please consider joining me in in donating to humanitarian aid in Rafah through Doctors Without Borders

LOVE YOU ALL!

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[dogs2shouldvote]

in contrast with my last post, in my latest relisten of taz balance i also recorded a bunch of quotes that felt like a punch to the gut (with zero context mostly). here’s some that made me a) cry or b) freak out because foreshadowing

MAJOR taz balance spoilers ahead; if you haven’t already listened to this amazing show, you should!

- “you can’t kill robbie, i have some big franchise plans for robbie”

- “you found her?“

- “one of you isn’t a lich, are you?”

- “tell julia i said i love her”

- “your staff, you lost control of it, and you blasted the letters L U P into the wall”

- “you look familiar too. have we met?” (this one i did put context for, it’s ren speaking to magnus in the eleventh hour during one of the early loops)

- “is there anything else you can edit in our past?” (this one also had context, magnus to istus i believe)

- “you’re going to be amazing”

- “there’s a long span of time that’s just not there” … “while you’re looking through these memories… there is something about the memory is a little bit off. there’s parts of it that are a little bit staticky.”

- “i named my fish after him”

- “he didn’t want to be a hero. it wasn’t his desire.”

- “Do you remember the last thing you said?”

“I said ‘I love you, Jules.’”

- “lup. they don’t trust me. i cant do it anymore, lup. i’m sorry”

- “the hunger is almost here. and when it arrives, the world will be lost.”

- “and it’s an incredibly familiar face, because it’s your face, magnus. this figure in the red robe is you.”

- “why are you doing this, taako?”

“because i’m worried no one else will have me”

- “you see this red robe put a single skeletal finger to its nonexistent lips”

- ”i’ll be having my body back you undead fuck”

- “trust barry. love barry. taako… it’s me… it’s *static*”

- “when there was trouble, you took the big hit. didn’t you, bud?”

- “and taako you remember lup now. how could you forget lup?”

- “are we just gonna burn every world that we can’t save just to keep the hunger from getting its hands on them? how does that make us any better than them?”

- “this is where we get to decide who we are”

- “show them the duck. it’s a good duck. i think they’ll like it!”

- “your journey could have ended anywhere… but it ended here. and you’re so grateful for that.”

- “sometimes there aren’t right decisions. sometimes there’s just decisions.”

- “back soon”

- “as his body falls further and further down, you realize you don’t know who that is.”

- “magnus. i’m going to find a place for you to be happy. it’ll just be for a little bit. i can do this. i love you magnus. i love all of you *fading into static*”

- “you *fucking took everything. from me*.”

- “i needed to say goodbye to someone

- “i don’t expect you all to forgive me…”

“i run over and hug her”

- “there’s magic in a bards song. they call it is inspiration and it tells the listener what they need to hear when they need to hear it… and you hear johann’s voice and it says: ‘you’re gonna have to fight… and *you’re gonna win!*’”

- “how does magnus die?”

- “and thus ends adventure zone balance. the story of four idiots who played dnd so hard they made themselves cry.”

[mollyrolls]

omg i forgot to tell you guys but i was fully dying last night roommate storytime

for context: my roommate, let’s call her cece, is the most cliche tiktok theatre kid girl you could ever imagine. we did random roommates so we don’t have that much in common; she likes to go out to clubs and frats and shit and i spent my night last night doing a puzzle. dichotomy of man

anyways, i was back in the room getting ready to gts and she comes BURSTING into the room and immediately starts stripping 😭😭 i’m like “hi cece….whatcha doing..” and she jumps a foot in the air bc she didn’t see me. keep in mind i am not doing anything secretive or hiding, like i’m just standing there.

she starts going on this crazy tangent abt how she’s a horrible person and is abt to do this horrible thing and i immediately clock that she is drunk off her ass 😭 she’s also just standing there in her bra and underwear and i am looking so hard at the ceiling bc wtf am i supposed to do in that situation

and idk if i misheard her but i swear she said to me “i’m going to fuck my best friends boyfriend” 😀🤨 she’s also changing into like a lacy babydoll??? like hello!!!!??

so i’m thinking : ok this girl has been on a self sabotaging streak recently (another story for another day) and she is in no position to be doing anything like that rn so i guess it’s my job to talk her out of doing this disastrous thing

so i say “cece don’t fuck your best friends boyfriend. that’s crazy.” and she goes “nononono not fucking, eye fucking. i eye fuck everyone when i’m drunk.” which i can confirm bc she was doing it to me at this exact moment, i am still staring at the ceiling

so i’m like ok fine that’s ur prerogative as long as ur not compromising urself do what u want. but she’s conscious enough to know that if she keeps eye fucking this guy her best friend is going to be paranoid abt it?? and like have a horrible night?? but she’s not gonna stop!!!??? whatever

and then this is where i start dying bc she starts comparing herself to ME 😭😭😭😭

she’s like “ugh molly you’re so cute and wholesome, like spending ur night with ur game group and ur puzzle ugh i want to be like youuuuu” full drunk girl whining and like spinning around and i straight up had to bite my fist

bc i was doing the aforementioned puzzle bc she had sexiled me abt 2 hrs before

but she’s in this like playboy cover lingerie set going BACK OUT to her friends room, full sprinting across our room bc she keeps forgetting shit, has not said a coherent sentence once, and is talking abt how i’m a cute little wholesome person and she wants to be like me. i feel like i’m tripping on something

and then this is the best part i’m quoting this verbatim

“and while i’m about to go do this HORRIBLE thing because i’m a HORRIBLE person YOUREEEE gonna be in here in the room probably writing some cute fun story which by the way you should probably post on AO3 bc if i ever figure out how to work AO3 i bet i’d find ur stuff and i bet it’s be so good but i’d never tell you i found ur stuff bc i wouldn’t know but i would know because you look like you’d be a good writer okay BYEEEEE!”

and then she slams the door and is gone until 3 am. this was in a span of abt 4 minutes

[inkdemonapologist]

EVERYONE'S DOING GREAT IN THE BATIM CTHULHU GAME....

Joey's legs were definitely Very Broken last session, so in this one Jack is uHHHHHH USING? THE GIFT???? THE MASKED MESSENGER GAVE HIM???? TO HEAL JOEYS LEGS????? im sure thats fine

What's also definitely fine and normal is Prophet trying to interrupt a ritual and getting all of the ink sucked directly out of his body by said ritual????? GREAT!! COOL!!!! NOT LIKE HE NEEDS THAT TO STAY CONSCIOUS OR ANYTHING!!!

anyway have some drawings of the music boys having a normal one, and also, if you like out-of-context TTRPG quotes, have some out-of-context quotes from the most recent session under the cut!!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Sammy] Sammy’s going to play carnival games! [GM] Okay! He sees a pop-gun and a shooting set-up. [Sammy] … I’m not super good at shooting. Do I have to follow the rules? Can I just like… go stand up close to it? [GM] I mean… no one’s telling you not to… [Sammy] I’m gonna cheat. [Joey] I love the idea of Prophet just, climbing up onto the counter and, as the targets go by, just poking them with the gun,

[Sammy] I am… hMMMRRMRMMmmm… I’m gonna try to stop running off without the rest of the sheep… [GM] Prophet’s New Year’s Resolution,

[Henry] Henry’s going to pick them up and carry them over to Leon. [Sammy] Leon? Really? [Henry] HE’S A MEDIC! [Sammy] I mean, Jack’s here and Jack’s not going to be confused that Joey has horns! [GM] He does look a little, hyperventilate-y, but, uh, he’s trying to fumble for his medical stuff, [Henry] …well okay if he looks panicked Henry’s going to turn around and take him to Jack. [GM] Just turns around on his heel like “Nope, that’s no good” [Sammy] Leon’s like “OKAY GOT MY DOCTORS KIT RIGHT HERE UH UM UH” and Henry’s just like “No. No.” [Jack] Jack also has an indefinite insanity, he’s got the same risk of fumbling, he also probably has LOWER medical skill – [Sammy] Yeah, that’s true, [Henry] OKAY, then yeah, you’re right, I’m taking him to Leon – [Joey] *laughs* Henry turns – Henry carries Joey towards Leon, Leon starts fumbling for his medical stuff, Henry turns around, takes one step towards Jack, looks at Jack, y’know, recovering from this very intense negotiation between two machines… and then TURNS AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO LEON,

[Henry] He might just set Joey on the desk and then be like “He’s hurt, can you help him.” [Joey] (“Fix.”) [Jack] (This is when Leon lets us know that he is not a doctor of medicine.)

[Sammy] At some point, Prophet will pop back into the room and say something like, “Come quickly, my sheep! Yellow mist rose from below!” [Jack] Jack’s gonna… turn to face the Prophet. And he’s not sure what look he’s giving him, but he’s giving him a look of SOME form. [Jack] Probably mostly panicked, honestly, [Sammy] Sammy, my guy, read the room!

[Sammy] Is Bendy having this one-sided conversation Out Loud? [GM] Yeah, that’s what I’m imagining! [Sammy] Ohhh I’m sure this is FINE, what’s gonna phase Leon at this point, honestly!! [GM] Just things about, “Where did you go, we were all worried, what are you doing, I think your legs aren’t okay? Sorry I tried to stand on them, I hope I didn’t mess them up,” [Joey] Hm…… this is a lot of information to feed into a Just Waking Up Joey, [Jack] And now Joey knows what it feels like to be talked at by Joey Drew!

[Henry] *carrying Joey* If you die because of this, I’ll kill you.

[Jack] Jack is gonna put the audiolog in his bag. [GM] Pete approves of this. [Sammy] Oh my goodness, Pete don’t enable him! [GM] He will!

[Joey] I’m suddenly worried about Henry… [Henry] I’M worried about Henry trying to carry Joey down these slippery stairs! [GM] You should be! :) [Sammy] That's an ominous thing for the GM to say… [Henry] Next up, HENRY breaks his legs! [Sammy] EVERYONE STOP BREAKING YOUR LEGS!

[Jack] Should I do something interesting? [Sammy] Yes. YES! Don’t listen to me, but YES.

[Henry] Henry is looking at him, with– it’s been oddly hard to read his expressions lately, I think, but he is… you have his attention!

[GM] There’s a counter on that shooting gallery setup– [Jack] Y-yeah, just, just put him down somewhere, I guess;;;; I don’t want to know what would happen if he tried to do this while Henry was carrying him. I don’t think he knows what he’s doing…! [Henry] Okay, Henry will put him down… [GM] Peter is also wondering what Jack is doing, but– [Jack] ANYWAY! Um…Jack is going to rummage through all of Joey’s pockets! [Joey] *bURSTS OUT LAUGHING* [Joey] I KNOW THAT THIS MIGHT HAVE, OTHER REASONS, But I’m JUST LOSIN' IT at “okay put him down! *STEALS ALL HIS STUFF* Okay thanks!”

[Jack] I don’t know how to explain this! Jack doesn’t normally do things that require explaining! He just collapses, in the swamp!!

[Sammy] Hey, Jack, what happened to your Constitution? [Jack] Oh y’know! [Sammy] Okay, alright, just checking! [Jack] Y’know, normal things! [Jack] Anyway, Jack feels terrified, but also great! It’s fine. :)

[GM] I don’t think Bendy is clued into all this weirdness. He’s just like, that was great! He didn’t know people could do that, why don’t they do that all the time?

[Joey] Did the ink go into his legs and then heal them? Or did the ink go into his legs. [GM] His legs do not hurt anymore! There’s some of that weird, displaced numbness? Where the breaks were? But they don’t hurt! Anymore! [Joey] …okay, but, [Henry] I notice that does NOT answer the question.

[GM] And Sammy can see that the person there is holding a bowl up to this mirror, where it seems to be filling with this knockoff yellow ink! [Jack] They are juicing it!

[GM] Is Joey being careful, going down these stairs? [Joey] You said it’s a spiral staircase, right? [GM] Mmhm! [Sammy] Joey, [Joey] Joey is going to, attempt to – [Sammy] jOEY, [Joey] –slide the railing! [GM] There isn’t a railing. [Joey] There’s not a railing??? [GM] There is not a railing. [Joey] Awww… [GM] You could slide down the stairs I suppose??? [Sammy] (Bumpbumpbump) [Joey] Joey is going to be disappointed that whoever made this scene forgot the most important elements of a spiral staircase!! [Sammy] Joey Drew… [GM] It’s just stone walls. [Joey] *dejected* This sucks… How am I supposed to cartoon my way down! This is so dumb! [Henry] You just WALK DOWN! Like a NORMAL PERSON!!! [Joey] NO!!! [Joey] …How deep is the drop, again? [GM] About two and a half stories. [Henry] Joey we just got those legs fixed! [Jack] JOEY DREW DON’T YOU DARE.

[Jack] Jack’s good at this, at least! *rolls* ….. Jack’s theoretically good at this,,,

[Sammy] Oh, it’s Moonlight! He’s in Carcosa! [Sammy] This would be SO funny if it was like, vanilla-flavour Sammy, hearing these threats from this guy he interacted with like, ONCE [GM] Sammy DID hear threats with the guy he interacted with once! That was like, his interaction! Running away while being yelled at with all sorts of horrible threats of bodily harm. [Sammy] Sammy checking his texts like “Who is this…”

[Joey] Joey is going to ask Bendy what Henry is doing right now, how Henry is faring. [GM] Bendy will say that it looks like he’s stabbing tentacles, with a pocket knife? [Jack] Well that seems normal, and not at all alarming! [Sammy] Yeah, I mean, that’s just a thing Henry does sometimes, I dunno [Henry] Normal Henry Behaviour, [Sammy] Exactly! [Joey] Joey is going to tell Bendy to keep an eye on them, but he wants to press forward to see if they can stop the ritual, because he doesn’t think they have time to run back, and also, he thinks Henry deserves to get a really heroic shot. [Henry] Thanks,,

[Joey] YEET THE TENTACLE MONSTER! [Joey] Jack has experience with snake-yeeting, so it helps.

[GM] Oh, nevermind, Peter is not scooting away, he is not moving much. [Joey] (Peter,,, Now is not the time…!) [Jack] ...Because he’s freaked out, or because he’s injured? [Joey] Because he left! He’s not there! He took Jack’s job! He was in this stressful situation and he just peaced out!!

[Sammy] I feel like I’m not going to be able to use the “scoping out the hotel” bonus dice. I think that ship may have sailed. [Henry] Clearly, in 30 years, Sammy ends up back at the same hotel, and goes, “oh! Hang on! I recognise this place!” [DM] It’s just lodged in his brain, [Sammy] He still has the bonus die, 30 years later… gotta return to the wRECKAGE OF CONEY ISLAND… [DM] …Let’s not wreck Coney Island. [Sammy] It WILL be wrecked in 30 years! [Joey] We don’t have to wreck it! [Sammy] It’s gonna burn down all by itself. [Joey] All by itself… and also just, conveniently for insurance claim purposes!

[GM] There would be magical backlash, that would probably hit all concerned, especially probably the lady, and if she were to die it would be very bad for the art of dance! [Sammy] Okay… but it wouldn’t bring about the Yellow King, just nobody could dance anymore? [GM] …potentially. [Sammy] Technically, nooooobody told me “and make sure people are still able to dance afterwards” [Sammy] Obviously that’s the IDEAL outcome, but it’s not… a necessary thing… [Henry] Sammy please

[GM] Peter doesn’t seem like he’s breathing well, but you could probably sort that out just by, like, positioning him a little better – [Joey] WELL~! I guess Jack just has to perform CPR then~! [Sammy] *laughs* I WAS ABOUT TO SAY, Alright, time for mouth-to-mouth~! [Joey] …probably, away from the tentacles, though?

[Jack] And what’s goin’ on with… other guy whose name I totally remember? [GM] Leon! Mostly cowering. [GM] He kind of grabs onto Jack’s arm when he gets close, and he’s just got his eyes closed and he’s trying to get his breathing under control, and he’s like, *nervously psyching self up* “Okayokayokayokay! Okay… let’s go…!” [Jack] Oh… oh no I got attached to him…

[Henry] Henry’s gonna tell him he can go back upstairs to Allison, if he wants. [Sammy] There is a steam-engine-headed man up there, but, y’know. [Sammy] Beggars can’t be choosers.

[GM] Leon’s still not looking. [Sammy] Need to get you a mask without eye-holes, my dude. They do wonders.

[GM] You hear a voice that doesn’t, sound… classically human?

[Joey] He’s planning on doing Giant Cartoon Hand Grab, and yanking her out of the circle the moment he sees Prophet cause a distraction. [Sammy] These two work SO well together for how much they DON’T work well together.

[Jack] We make bad decisions here in the music department.

[littlelesbianintern]

Gonna post this here quickly before tomorrow’s episode drops but the way the show handles “Nice Guys” is so interesting to me; take Mr Daniels for example. This is a ramble so be warned!!!!

Mr Daniels managed to curate this Nice Guy™ reputation; he’s popular with both students and colleagues. But it’s widely know he had some sort of relationship with (according to Twitter??) a 14 year old student. He’s clearly aware of the power he holds as he says to Olivia in episode 4 “You’re teenagers. You don’t have any rights or power”. This for me is one of the creepiest lines in the show considering the context of his relationship WITH OLIVIA. He’s openly admitting she has no power here, whereas we know he does because he’s white/male/wealthy (maybe?? He bought that nice house). and yet because of this Nice Guy™ façade he’s got he’s able to manipulate the narrative to the point where a 14 year old girl is being punished and he GETS TO KEEP HIS JOB because he’s a Nice Guy™ so who wouldn’t believe him?

But the show does it so well because we, the audience, are left feeling so angry that others haven’t spotted it and called it out.

The same also goes for Buddy. Obviously he’s not as bad as Mr Daniels (a whole predator) but he also benefits from his reputation as the “good guy” despite not doing much to deserve it. Everything that makes him a “good guy” is handed to him; the student presidential election, the position as star quarterback, the lead role as Romeo, etc because he’s white/male/wealthy. And this wouldn’t be as big as a problem as it is if only he would admit this/do something but he ACTIVELY CHOOSES not to despite numerous opportunities to do so:

he could have set the record straight about him and Jane/continued to date Jane despite rumours - he doesn’t

he could have chosen Susan over Jane to help him as student president considering Susan helped him with the election - he doesn’t.

He could have set the record straight immediately with the election results considering he knows he didn’t win - he doesn’t.

He even could have tried to stop the crowd turning on Wally (HIS FRIEND) during the football game considering he supposedly does worse and isn’t abused for it - but he doesn’t.

Buddy constantly chooses to do what suits him best. Even when he doesn’t actively choose to anything about a situation, his passiveness benefits him because his reputation remains clean. And when he’s called out on this he doesn’t change. Particularly in episode 5 when flips the narrative on Jane that she’s in the wrong for crashing a Halloween party 🚩 BIG RED FLAG 🚩.

Like I said he’s not as bad as Mr. Daniels because sometimes I think Buddy is genuinely clueless that maybe what he’s doing isn’t right because it’s what he (the ‘good guy’) has been doing his whole life so it must be right. But his PASSIVENESS IS HARMFUL.

It’s interesting though because his exit at the end of episode 6 definitely indicates something up with him and I wonder if maybe he’s coming to the realisation that he might not be as great as he’s always been told and the pressure is mounting up to meet these expectations. But both his and Mr. Daniels Nice Guy™ façade allows them to get away with a lot more than any other character in the show, whether consciously or not. To quote Hanna Flint in Strong Female Character (which I highly recommend): “they [Nice Guy™] are the type of men to be most worried about”.

Anyway jury’s still out on Buddy but I’m hopeful for some growth. Not for Mr. Daniels though; chuck him in a cell and throw away the key.

[captaincleverusernamehere]

I’ve decided to compile all of the out of context quotes from my current D&D campaign that we’ve collected up to this point (7 sessions so far) so here’s this mess:

- “I’m proficient in longswords, shortswords, longbows, and shortbows, so basically size doesn't matter to me"

- “I’m checking the rat traps for food”

- “Do zombies do fire damage? Probably not.”

- “If you aren’t prepared for this, go back to the Waffle House.”

- “What if we held hands on the way to 7/11 and I was a lizard and you were a zombie”

- “4 hp, no balls”

- “Okay but if its a bomb, why would it be moving?” “maybe it’s a zombie chihuahua”

- “You wake up at the same time as everyone else.” “AWW, I wanted to steal something- I mean, nothing.”

- “guys, im trying to sacrifice a rat tail to a god right now”

- “Do it in the voice or we’ll fuck- I MEAN WE’RE FUCKED”

- “How long does it take you to piss?? It’s been HOURS”

- “You don’t know if there are other things on the encounter table than zombies” “could be a pack of rabid chihuahuas”

- “Calorie free vegetables”

- “you both aren’t human, so it isn’t cannibalism…” <— they burnt a man to a crisp and were debating the ethics of eating him

- “pass the nyoom around the room”

- “If you blow a hillbilly…”

- “I’m gonna rizz up that robot dog”

- “Wider and shorter, that’s the puberty of your 40s.” “I think you mean your 70s.” “No it hits earlier than you’d think.”

- “I can deal with dick”

- “You should’ve been able to handle it!” “That’s what she said”

- “You’re like an antivaxxer but for gods.” “That’s just an atheist.”

- “I cant use Healing Hands can I?” “No you’re dead.”

- “I love Angry Dick”

-“We haven’t had anything else to eat except for rats and Jeramie!”

-“We’re not just a Waffle House, we’re a Waffle *Home*”

-“I have proficiency in animal handling” “Don’t fucking handle me, bitch”

-“Ignoring the two elephants in the basement, what will we do about the three other elephants arriving?”

-“I step in front of him” “so WHAT WAS THE POINT OF BEING STEALTHY??” “for the entrance!”

-“Lights are still blinking as this eight year old threatens this short man with a knife”

-"her name's bob or something"

-“Is his heart shrinking like the grinch?”

-"every time i speak i have such good ideas" "WHEN was the good idea???" "all of them"

-"you touch yourself and yell"

-“hey siri, can hedgehogs shoot blood out of their eyes?”

-“I’m not cold!!” “you’re dead, you don’t count!”

-“Mara, we’re not going home without her. We might go home without *you*”

-“What’s Irthir’s gender?” “Lizard.”

-“Oh! I’ve always wanted to read Crime and Punishment!”

-“ADD FLAWS!! YES!!”

-"I AM ILL WITH TYPHUS!"

-*Mission Impossible Theme 1 hour loop*

-"do zombies eat squirrels?"

-“DICK FUNKO AWAKENS FROM HIS SLUMBER!!!”

-“I step on the gas - where is Dick Funko?!”

-"as you are making this man into ground beef"

-"get in losers we're going to new mexico"

-"OLENT DO YOU WANNA LOSE YOUR DICK TODAY"

-"do you mind people touching your birds... a lot?”

-"Medea, i'm going to teach you the alphabet! you're welcome! your lessons begin tomorrow!"

(Part 1/ who knows how many)

[xy-nox]

Apparent Defamation

(Some context. Can be read without though.)

—————————————— {

UI.Text.text “Access granted to: Luke Vuray to…”;

ProgramName = Transcript of interview with West Lance from NeoDWES News Broadcast;

Debug.Log “Begin”;

}

West_L: “I regret nothing from that day. I punched that Iter’cov after xe punched one of my best friend’s brother. I don’t care how it reflects on my music, I did what was right. Nobody hurts family.”

Interviewer: “Many people are saying that you’ve become increasingly irritable after the incident. Do you care to comment?”

West_L: “Well, for the folks at Commission who’re gonna censor this because the first amendment doesn’t exist up here, [Redacted for Defamation; 5 paragraphs of dialogue cut from program]”

Interviewer: “Well.. Is that all?”

West_L: “No, this one’s for the people at home. If what I’ve done and said has angered you, implore you to look at what Brian is saying. He’s the one being [Redacted for details of a classified and ongoing legal suit.] It’s gonna take work to sue Commission but good guys like him have been getting punished unproportionately to their so called ‘crime.’ We have to stick together, lest Commission come for us next..”

{

If Program = Played

{

Debug.Log “End transcription”;

}}

———————————————

Two Weeks Later..

“A defamation charge?!”

“No,” Whisky said, taking his reading glasses off and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “And I must insist you keep your voice down. You’re dealing with a cease and desist. You tried to get your interview with NeoDWES uncensored for the public. You, quote unquote, ‘slandered’ the Commission by talking about the situation with Brian.”

    Brian tried to speak around the muzzle around his mouth. “Yeah, talk about me like I’m not in the room. Go ‘head.” Whisky rolled his eyes and lit more incense. His place always smelled like a damn candle shop. “Don’t talk Bri, it makes your jaw hurt.”

    West talked over him before he could even rebut. “You talk a hell of a lot for someone who can barely move their mouth.” He stared at him for a solid five seconds before turning back to Whisky. “And so what? I talked down to the Commission, I didn’t even lie about anything..”

“Hence why the more I’m looking at, the less this is about suing Commission and the more it is about stopping the Commission. They’re hiding a lot from us.”

    “Do you mean us as in everyone involved with Brian?”

    “No. I mean us as in everyone from the Radiance space station. Haven’t you wondered why the Iter’covs are the only new species we’ve met since getting in contact? Why we’ve only met others after they were hostile first? Commission is keeping us away from others. I refuse to believe there are so few intelligent life forms out there.”

“We only met the Iter’covs because they forced our hand in meeting them. They kidnapped Allen.” Brian sighed. They all knew the weight the Iter’covs brought with their presence.. “If they hadn’t we wouldn’t ‘ave known they existed would we?”

“I’m going to keep looking into this Brian, I promise this isn’t the end of your case but I’m afraid I need a break. I haven’t had a day off in two weeks..”

    Muzzle very obviously disallowing him form offering a smile, he shot Whisky finger guns “Do what you need to do Whisky.”

    “My name is Luke..”

“I’ll call you that af’r you prove me wrong on that bet.”

Silence prevailed for a solid minute before Whisky got up to get more tea. “… Whisky it is..”

[[Excuse the sucky code at the beginning. It was fun to write with my little knowledge of C# and I didn’t have the heart to remove it. More parts (maybe) coming soon]]

[zipperrants]

my Harry Potter/Royal dr as incorrect quotes since I can't remember anything out of context for this dr

Zipper: George, you love me, right? George: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

George: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid. Zipper: You always act stupid. Zipper: Zipper: Wait...

George: Thank you all for coming. Fred, wearing a hospital gown: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here. George: Well, I couldn't imagine anyone else being part of the "Fuck George Task Force". Zipper: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way.

George: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake. Fred: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Zipper. George, pointing their hot glue gun towards Fred: You’re on thin fucking ice

Zipper: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Ron: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

Mattheo: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group. Zipper: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine? Mattheo: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

Draco: Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no.

George: My head hurts. Hermione: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

Hermione: Do I sound smart, or am I smart? Ron: You sound unbearable, to be perfectly honest.

Fred: And here we see Zipper and Draco in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh. Zipper: Gaelic bread. Draco: Grueling brad. Zipper: Ha ha, glamorous beans.

Hermione: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE! Hermione: GEORGE IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW! Hermione: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

Zipper, at Starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots. Mattheo, in line behind them: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.

*Zipper is considering cancelling plans, and Fred and Mattheo are advising them on what to do* Fred: Just don't go. Mattheo: Say you’re ill! Fred: Pretend to break your leg. Mattheo: Really break your leg!

Zipper: You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.." George: I saw you. Zipper: Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of Draco in a turkey costume.

George: What's the most illegal thing you can do with one dollar? Mattheo: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Ron: You know, it’s fine to admit you were wrong. Hermione: *Sipping their drink after accidentally adding salt* I just like the way it tastes.

George: What is your favourite mythical story? Zipper: The Story Of My Will To Live. George: I don’t think I’ve heard of that one before.

Mattheo: No thanks. Mattheo: I'm god.

Zipper: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

Harry: Think you can unlock the door for us? George: Sure, I just need a couple of things. Draco, can I have your credit card? Draco: Sure, just make sure not to bend it. George: Thanks. Now Mattheo, break down the door! Draco: Huh!?!

[clonerightsagenda]

i would love to hear anything more about communications director minkowski that you would care to share, it sounds like a very fun route for postcanon! 👀

It IS very fun. In lieu of writing a coherent post I just spent quite a bit of time scrolling through 3 years of discord messages for good tidbits:

Gill spent part of my day wondering “you know you’d expect Lovelace to have some Loud And Pointed Opinions about Minkowski being offered the post of Communications Director but maybe instead she’d be the first to figure out there’s no better way to dismantle the company than from the inside out” Kat If you want a job done wrong you gotta do it yourself Gill Minkowski: They… want me to be the next director… and I think I’m going to take the job. Lovelace: …actually. That sounds like an amazing idea. Minkowski: Minkowski: who are you and what have you done with Captain Lovelace Kat Careful Renee. That joke has a bit of an edge to it Gill Nobody’s getting out of post-flight quarantine without an identity crisis of some kind it seems Kate I bet Lovelace would jump at the chance to have a woman on the inside… who has a lot of practice ruining Goddard's plans. Gill Lovelace, probably: You’re gonna need your own version of Cutter’s hypercompetent Right Hand Minion, and it seems to me that the person who kept him distracted while you put a harpoon through his torso would be the ideal candidate. Lovelace: Also, it’d be fun to deface Kepler’s old office.

*

Kat was thinking about Minkowski marriage drama in the context of her voluntarily signing on to be comms director under the same contract as the last one fully aware this means everyone will try to kill her just in case she can keep everyone else safe and then having to explain that to her husband tfw your wife never prioritizes you bc she's too busy prioritizing a) dying in space b) dying on land now Gill Dominik Koudelka, maybe: it just feels like I have to get myself kidnapped by shadowy corporate goons if I want to spend time with you!

*

Kate Communications Director Minkowski 1) definitely publishes her own adapted fifth edition of the Survival Manual that’s not a joke and full of useful things and 2) mostly inspired by things Eiffel did that his justification was “well no one ever TOLD me this would happen in space!” Gill “Leprechauns are not real. Ghosts, however, are.” “In the unlikely but theoretically possible event that leprechauns are discovered at some point in the near future, disregard previous. It’s important to keep an open mind.” Kate Adaptability! Flexibility! Priorities! Acknowledgement that space is full of unpredictable and incomprehensible bullshit! The spirit of the new space age Gill Tip #1002: You may say “fuck”. Once.

*

Kat thought: re Goddard possibly having prison labor going on, maybe when they got Eiffel out of jail they just transferred his sentence to them, and Comms Director Minkowski finds out she technically owns two of her crewmates now and isn't super happy about it Eiffel: so for the next 23 years my ass is yours I guess Minkowski: I don't want it Minkowski, sifting through paperwork: why… why do I own prison laborers now? Can I pardon them? What is this news anchor voice: Goddard Futuristics stocks dipped today as new director Renee Minkowski gave the entirety of their asteroid mining staff early release, quoted as saying "Go home. The fuck." Gill Comms Director Minkowski like ok first off we’re actually giving our workers benefits Kat we'll reroute some of the money headed toward all the R&D for evil shit Gill we’re also defunding our paramilitary branches. Why do we even have those?? Kat Jacobi, raising hand: To do stuff like break into Elon Musk's Mars colony and take him out with extreme prejudice Lovelace: ok that one sounds justified actually Gill Lovelace: Can I go fuck up Elon Musk’s stupid libertarian summer camp? Minkowski: Later, I need you here right now. Lovelace: Aw, ok. ): Kate Okay project Fuck Up Elon Musk can stay

*

Kat underappreciated aspect of the comms director Minkowski concept: DC girl Minkowski finds out she now owns like 75% of the politicians on Capitol Hill. Is not sure how to stop owning them It's like feeding wild animals, they keep coming back for your money even when you try to cut off the lobbying Gill Minkowski: next time a senator shows up at my house I’m siccing Lovelace on them Kat Minkowski: Cutter had an entire budget line for funding ballot initiatives and…. wow, that's a lot. Hey Doug, what are your thoughts on felons being able to vote? Eiffel: Felons can't vote? Minkowski: …. yes?? Eiffel: Oh. Huh. I don't ever vote so I didn't notice. And I see from your expression that you don't approve of this.

*

Gill Comms Director!Minkowski: If you need me, I’ll be in a meeting. /crawls into the vents Kat Local unions still talk about the super weird HVAC remodeling the new director insisted on

*

Gill You are an astronautical engineer at Goddard Futuristics’ special projects division. You were handpicked by the special projects manager herself to work on this new prototype. The craft you and your colleagues poured untold hours of work into is commandeered by Warren Kepler, Legendary Local Douchebag, and two of his minions (an entire ship! For three people!!) to go off and babysit one of your boss’s boss’s ultra-secret pet projects, which you quietly believe is actually an elaborate fraud scheme of some kind. You rage at this. Then, you mourn. Perhaps you drink heavily. Either way, you move on, setting aside your quiet hope that the Urania one day re-enters terrestrial skies, but gradually making peace with the idea you may never see this particular fruit of your labor again. And then a year and a half later you get it back and the interior is just plastered in printer paper that looks like a brigade of toddlers just went nuts on it with their crayons. And also your boss is dead and the apparent leader of said toddlers is the new communications director. Kat Hey at least the astronautical engineering division can feel vindicated that that shuttle a few years back didn't malfunction Gill Engineer: So that shuttle didn’t malfunction and Cutter was actively orchestrating a fake explosion and cover-up. Then he sent Warren “Oh just let me fire off this prototype in a civilian area” Kepler and his goon squad up in our prototype to go fuck around with you guys some more. Minkowski: Yup. Engineer: And you killed him. Minkowski: …yes. Engineer: …did you kill him painfully? Tell me it was painfully. (Minkowski is mildly worried about how she acquires some of her new supporters) Kat Lots of long simmering resentment Kate I imagine she gets a lot of goodwill points for taking out Cutter and Kepler… imagine

*

Kat comms director Minkowski having to do tax fraud to protect her team somehow Gill Jacobi, having just another day in the office, doing taxes: god this is so dull, I hate tax season. I wonder if Minkowski’s gone and holed up in the accounting department, she probably lives for this kind of thing. /smash cut to Minkowski threatening an IRS agent at harpoon-point Kat Minkowski making Hera her own LLC so she has rights now: This is legal according to Citizens United as long as no one looks at it too closely (my dad became an LLC today so he can contract with his work after he retires. I joked he will be the last person able to vote in the household once they take everyone else's rights away but corporations are people) Gill “Minkowski Commits Tax Fraud” would be an amazing chapter title for a fic at some point though Kat Minkowski early in the mission diligently doing her taxes in space because she's a good American citizen Minkowski like 5 years later: fuck capitalism Gill That one meme image but it’s, Minkowski: You mean the game was rigged all along? Minkowski @ herself: always has been. Kate This is my strongest Minkowski belief Gill Minkowski: wow, capitalism sucks, and growing up in a Soviet satellite state was also awful. Perhaps… the true problem… is giving people the power to wholly dictate other people’s lives…

*

Kat after the story of the Hephaestus crew breaks and they're famous Eiffel gets Minkowski a funko pop of herself it has a little harpoon Kinsey i support this wholeheartedly Gill It is both unsettling and adorable. She sets it proudly on her desk at work Kat someone coming into Comms Director Minkowski's office: uhhhhh Minkowski sitting next to her funko pop: what it's got the same psychic damage potential as Cutter having a #1 dad mug on his desk and everyone's too scared to ask about it Gill Concept: Minkowski eventually being gifted the Funko Pop versions of her entire crew They’re referred to affectionately(?) as her minions Kate If you’ve been called to her office because you’ve done something Sketchy and Capitalistic, you might even prefer looking into the creepy flat soulless eyes of the funko pop rather than Minkowski’s very, very sharp and angry human ones Gill Another mental image. Lovelace, beholding her funko pop: I mean, I don’t think my eyes are that terrifying even when I’m possessed by unknown cosmic entities, but other than that, it’s a perfect likeness. Lovelace: Look, she even has her arms folded because she’s mad at the other little plastic crewmates for being idiots. I love her.

[johns-prince]

Playboy Interview with John Lennon and Yoko Ono: Published in January 1981 issue, interviewed in September 1980.

I was reading through the 1980 Playboy interview of John Lennon and Yoko Ono because I was trying to properly cite a quote a read earlier and I came across the whole ‘’whaddya think of people saying you’re under Yoko’s spell/control?’’ question and the following answer and spiel, but like, reading-reading it...

Maybe it’s because it’s so early and I’ve just woken up and this is what I have decided to immediately read upon, but like can we talk about how John’s incessant need to bring up Paul in just about any and all interviews himself is like, tattling? 

It’s similar to how Paul consistently brings John up in just about any conversation or interview too, but of course John talked in a way that makes me think of a still soured and obsessive ex while Paul talks like a widow carrying on. 

Like I’m not the first to go over this and talk about it and someone has probably done a better analysis of the whole damn interview but I need to talk about it, at least the segments that left my mind screeching to a halt. 

Even if it’s just John being John and never being entirely honest in these things but also being entirely transparent at the same time it’s maddening. 

PLAYBOY: "But what about the charge that John Lennon is under Yoko's spell, under her control?"

LENNON: "Well, that's rubbish, you know. Nobody controls me. I'm uncontrollable. The only one who controls me is me, and that's just barely possible."

PLAYBOY: "Still, many people believe it."

LENNON: "Listen, if somebody's gonna impress me, whether it be a Maharishi or a Yoko Ono, there comes a point when the emperor has no clothes. There comes a point when I will see. So for all you folks out there who think that I'm having the wool pulled over my eyes, well, that's an insult to me. Not that you think less of Yoko, because that's your problem. What I think of her is what counts! Because... fuck you, brother and sister... you don't know what's happening. I'm not here for you. I'm here for me and her and the baby!"

ONO: "Of course, it's a total insult to me..."

LENNON: "Well, you're always insulted, my dear wife. It's natural..."

ONO: "Why should I bother to control anybody?"

LENNON: "She doesn't need me."

ONO: "I have my own life, you know."

LENNON: "She doesn't need a Beatle. Who needs a Beatle?"

ONO: "Do people think I'm that much of a con? John lasted two months with the Maharishi. Two months. I must be the biggest con in the world, because I've been with him 13 years."

LENNON: "But people do say that."

PLAYBOY: "That's our point. Why?"

LENNON: "They want to hold on to something they never had in the first place. Anybody who claims to have some interest in me as an individual artist or even as part of the Beatles has absolutely misunderstood everything I ever said if they can't see why I'm with Yoko. And if they can't see that, they don't see anything. They're just jacking off to... it could be anybody. Mick Jagger or somebody else. Let them go jack off to Mick Jagger, OK? I don't need it."

PLAYBOY: "He'll appreciate that."

John’s talking about Paul, by the by, if that wasn’t already so painfully blatantly obvious. While he couldn’t bring himself to immediately say his name in that context he definitely brings him up in the next response:

LENNON: "I absolutely don't need it. Let them chase Wings. Just forget about me. If that's what you want, go after Paul or Mick. I ain't here for that. If that's not apparent in my past, I'm saying it in black and green, next to all the tits and asses on page 196. Go play with the other boys. Don't bother me. Go play with the Rolling Wings."

PLAYBOY: "Do you..."

LENNON: "No, wait a minute. Let's stay with this a second; sometimes I can't let go of it." (He is on his feet, climbing up the refrigerator) 

This is where it gets good. 

"Nobody ever said anything about Paul's having a spell on me or my having one on Paul! They never thought that was abnormal in those days, two guys together, or four guys together! Why didn't they ever say, 'How come those guys don't split up? I mean, what's going on backstage? What is this Paul and John business? How can they be together so long?' We spent more time together in the early days than John and Yoko: the four of us sleeping in the same room, practically in the same bed, in the same truck, living together night and day, eating, shitting and pissing together! All right? Doing everything together! Nobody said a damn thing about being under a spell. Maybe they said we were under the spell of Brian Epstein or George Martin." (the Beatles' first manager and producer, respectively) 

"There's always somebody who has to be doing something to you. You know, they're congratulating the Stones on being together 112 years. Whoooopee! At least Charlie and Bill still got their families. In the Eighties, they'll be asking, 'Why are those guys still together? Can't they hack it on their own? Why do they have to be surrounded by a gang? Is the little leader scared somebody's gonna knife him in the back?' That's gonna be the question. That's-a-gonna be the question! They're gonna look back at the Beatles and the Stones and all those guys as relics. The days when those bands were just all men will be on the newsreels, you know. They will be showing pictures of the guy with lipstick wriggling his ass and the four guys with the evil black make-up on their eyes trying to look raunchy. That's gonna be the joke in the future, not a couple singing together or living and working together. It's all right when you're 16, 17, 18 to have male companions and idols, OK? It's tribal and it's gang and it's fine. But when it continues and you're still doing it when you're 40, that means you're still 16 in the head."

I had to split his rant into paragraphs because I needed a breath. 

John doesn’t even let the interviewer continue on with a question. No, he just can’t let go of it. He’s so riled up that apparently he’d gotten up and... What, started climbing onto the fridge? Climbing the walls? Is this what happened whenever the topic of Paul and their relationship came up? 

I don’t think this is normal behavior, compared to the other outrageous behavior of John in the 70s and 1980. This is unnecessary, getting so bent out of shape over the fact nobody made a fuss over you and your just best bud partner and collaborator of The Beatles.

>>>“Nobody ever said anything about Paul's having a spell on me or my having one on Paul! They never thought that was abnormal in those days, two guys together...”

John, Paul wasn’t your wife or husband or whatever. You two weren’t exactly dating, you two didn’t suddenly slip into an intimate and scandalous love affair like, overnight. Paul wasn’t yours, legally, John. Not like Cynthia, who was your wife and the mother of your son. Not like Yoko, who is also your wife, and the mother of your son. 

You would get those sorts of questions about them, but instead you’re aghast and affected that it wasn’t Paul about you or you about Paul and your relationship in between being grilled and questioned and torn at by fans and the press. 

What, did you ever expect the press or individual reporters and interviewers to ask you how you and Paul were getting on? When was the wedding? Should they expect triplets in the fall? 

Why would anyone say anything about Paul having a spell on you, or even you having a spell over Paul? John can’t be this stupid, maybe he’s experiencing an emotional break due to even the mention of Paul here, by his own doing, but to say something that shouldn’t even be compared to the relationship you have with your wife, as if people should have been asking you about Paul or Paul about you, about having some sort of spell or hold over each other, because if they didn’t grill Paul or you about the Lennon-McCartney relationship, then clearly Yoko is getting the unfair shtick of it. 

I mean come on. 

>>>“What is this Paul and John business? How can they be together so long?' We spent more time together in the early days than John and Yoko: the four of us sleeping in the same room, practically in the same bed, in the same truck, living together night and day, eating, shitting and pissing together! All right? Doing everything together! Nobody said a damn thing about being under a spell.”

You know, John was just about as guilty using the safe ‘’we’’ over ‘’I’’ or ‘’we as in Paul and I’’ as much as Paul is. Starts off about him and Paul, what’s all this Paul and John business, how can they be together so long, and then brushing it over with ‘’well the four of us--’’ oh no no no John, this is not about the four of you, this is 100% about the two of you, about John and Paul, the Paul and John business. 

Why would anyone ask you two about this John and Paul business- they did ask you John, they asked you two about your musical process, your meeting, how you two do get on as friends and partners, what would you do after The Beatles went bust.

Is the problem that they were asking the wrong questions? Hey, you two are awfully close, I mean, physically, is that common? Is there something about sharing a mic? Can’t you afford another one? Do you and Paul often share a room just between you two? Say, what’s the business between John and Paul? 

What did you want John. No, really. I’m so mad that the interviewer didn’t stick to what John was going off and on about here, because I would really like to know, since John’s so ticked off about it (The Beatles, Paul, his relationship with Paul, Lennon-McCartney) and wanting to be so honest and open about his frustrations surrounding it, I would have loved to know:

What did you want from others when it came to looking at and questioning Lennon-McCartney? What did you want John? 

Also by my calculation, John and Paul were together for about 14 years. Like a year difference... But not getting into the specifics, to John, admittedly, he feels he felt more time and space with Paul (or The Beatles) than John and Yoko. Even if it might be about the same in numbers, to John it isn’t the same at all. 

>>>”There's always somebody who has to be doing something to you. You know, they're congratulating the Stones on being together 112 years. Whoooopee!'”

You ever read something and you can like, hear the intonation and emotion in the words being said? Whooopeee! That’s not condescending in the slightest. I mean I know it’s supposed to be, but can’t you read it as being rather dripping with jealousy? Envy? 

We all know John and Paul during the 60s stated after The Beatles, they would carry on writing songs together, creating together, even looking into writing a musical play of sorts. John and Paul were supposed to be together 112 years, don’cha know. 

>>>”At least Charlie and Bill still got their families. In the Eighties, they'll be asking, 'Why are those guys still together? Can't they hack it on their own? Why do they have to be surrounded by a gang? Is the little leader scared somebody's gonna knife him in the back?”

Projection, I don’t know what else to call this. Projection, and maybe a little bit of that jealousy/envy continued. 

>>>“It's all right when you're 16, 17, 18 to have male companions and idols, OK? It's tribal and it's gang and it's fine. But when it continues and you're still doing it when you're 40, that means you're still 16 in the head.”

By all accounts and pretenses, Paul was your ‘male companion’ and vice versa, or whatever. You two did idolize each other. This went on long past 18 years old between the two of you, John. You were a gang, and a tribe of stupid young boys whirlwinded into fame. It’s fine it’s fine it’s fine until what, it’s not?

My head and heart and everything hurts, reading these interviews. John isn’t honest, he’s a liar, but he’s transparent and still manages to tell on himself. John’s projection launches himself into the sun and back again. 

John compares Paul to his current wife instead of, oh, I dunno, bringing up Cynthia, his wife during The Beatles, when it came to discussing the whole ‘oh does she have a spell/hold over him?’ Wouldn’t she have made a better example of it? You would think, wouldn’t you.

John bitches that the press or fans didn’t treat Paul in the way that they apparently treated Yoko. Why was his first wife treated so much nicer? Why was Paul spared and Yoko isn’t? 

He can’t let it go. He can’t let Paul go. He’s envious, he’s bitter. He’s pathetic, he’s insane, he’s driving me insane. 

Further down, I come across this segment, and I think it’s worth bemoaning over:

PLAYBOY: "Were falling in love with Yoko and wanting to leave the Beatles connected?"

LENNON: "As I said, I had already begun to want to leave, but when I met Yoko is like when you meet your first woman. You leave the guys at the bar. You don't go play football anymore. You don't go play snooker or billiards. Maybe some guys do it on Friday night or something, but once I found the woman, the boys became of no interest whatsoever other than being old school friends. 'Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine.' We got married three years later, in 1969. That was the end of the boys. And it just so happened that the boys were well known and weren't just local guys at the bar. Everybody got so upset over it. There was a lot of shit thrown at us. A lot of hateful stuff."

>>>“As I said, I had already begun to want to leave, but when I met Yoko is like when you meet your first woman.”

John you were so desperate for The Beatles that Cynthia at one point had to tell you that maybe John needed them more than they needed him. You were seriously thinking y’all should buy an island to live on together. 

You were not already beginning to leave The Beatles, you lying git. 

>>>“'Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine.' We got married three years later, in 1969. That was the end of the boys.”

I will always find it unbearably fascinating that when Paul found Linda, and and John found Yoko, that was it. No one cared when George got married, they didn’t care when Ringo got hitched. John and Paul were still fucking around and bashing away on their instruments and writing music cooped up in Paul’s house when John was with Cynthia, and then married Cynthia and had a child with her. She didn’t break up the band, those wedding bells hadn’t done them in. 

So why is it, when Paul got with Linda, and then immediately afterwards, John married Yoko, did the wedding bells bring about a funeral procession? It wasn’t the end of the boys, John, it was the end of Lennon-McCartney. It was the end of that Paul and John business. 

ONO: "Even now, I just read that Paul said, 'I understand that he wants to be with her, but why does he have to be with her all the time?'"

LENNON: "Yoko, do you still have to carry that cross? That was years ago."

Honestly that’s a laugh coming from you John. Oh, that was years ago, let it go. John you can’t even let IT go yourself! 

I wouldn’t be surprised if Paul had said something like that, whether it was years ago or recently, especially when every time Paul tried getting in contact with John, Yoko would intentionally bar him out and not even tell John about Paul wanting to meet up with him. 

That, and whether Paul had mentioned it or someone close working had mentioned it, during the Let It Be period, Paul did feel like John was with Yoko all the time. It stifled him, it stifled their creative relationship, Paul felt he couldn’t genuinely and openly connect and speak with John with Yoko hanging around every second. 

ONO: "No, no, no. He said it recently. I mean, what happened with John is like, I sort of went to bed with this guy that I liked and suddenly the next morning, I see these three in-laws, standing there."

LENNON: "I've always thought there was this underlying thing in Paul's 'Get Back.' When we were in the studio recording it, every time he sang the line 'Get back to where you once belonged,' he'd look at Yoko."

PLAYBOY: "Are you kidding?"

LENNON: "No. But maybe he'll say I'm paranoid."

It’s alright John, I’m paranoid too because I definitely got that underlying vibe about Get Back and the tension between Paul and Yoko.

Mind you these segments of the interview I’ve gone over, Yoko was present through it all. 

Paul was mentioned 48 times, and this is just the first page of the 1980 Playboy interview. 

I’m gonna go beat my head in with a wooden hammer now.

[imogenleewriter]

Snippet!

I was tagged by @louandhazaf to post a snippet, so here we go!

Of course, as usual, instead of posting anything that actually includes Harry and Louis, I'm going to post something completely off-topic out of context.

“But, if you think about it, we’re actually on topic,” Evelyn called out. “Because the topic is the Autonomic Nervous System, and we’re talking about exhaustion.” Before Harry could correct her, Aiden said, “Ev, exhaustion is part of the Central Nervous System, not the Automoic one.” He tutted and shook his head before adding with mock seriousness, “This is why you need to pay more attention to Mr Styles.” “Very nice touch, Aiden. Since you clearly listen to me, you can read out the answer to the first question,” Harry looked down at the worksheet he had given out, “Describe situations where the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems interact or complement each other.” “That’s not fair, I was advocating for you!” Still, Aiden looked down at his workbook and began reading, “So, imagine you’re Netflix and Chilling, an–” Interrupting, Harry said, “Aiden, I don’t like where it is going.” “Fine, fine. Imagine you’re watching a film,” he used finger quotes as he said it, “and relaxing-- Sir, why are you giving me that look? I’m just talking about watching a film.” “Well, you’re meant to be talking about the Autonomic Nervous System.” “I’m getting there, I’m getting there. Anyway, your date is really hot, yeah? And you’re getting real close, and your heart starts racing, and your hands get all clammy- which is pretty gross, really- and you might start shaking, and your mouth goes all dry, and you feel nauseous, and you’re worried you’re gonna puke everywhere, yeah? Well, that's your sympathetic nervous system doing its job. But then, the parasympathetic nervous system- the real MVP- steps in to help you out and makes you rest and digest so you don’t chunder all over your date.”

And I'm going to taggggggggg @hereforh @nooradeservedbetter @lunarheslwt and @hellolovers13!

[chilly-out-here]

an attempt

let's see if this works! hopefully by not tagging this it doesn't get recommended to anyone since. I feel like it reads as fucking insane without context (honestly even with context). but just in case if you're not reading the fic and somehow still ended up here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52369693/chapters/132478987

and before I say anything I’d like to first shout out this tumblr post for letting me link this in the chapter notes in the first place bc I Would Not Have figured it out myself:  https://www.tumblr.com/gentrychild/653404474056081408/ao3-how-to-insert-imageslinks-into-the-notes-of# 

so!! Milgram The Musical!! there’s a couple key parts to how I imagine the tech for this thing to work. I don’t know all the details for the format of the show (frankly it doesn’t matter a ton lol), but I’m imagining it to be like. for each prisoner, there’s interrogation (basically like their VDs, except on stage), then blackout for quick scene transition, and then they sing their song. then blackout and they move on to the next prisoner and rinse and repeat. except for 010 who Causes Problems, which would be the climax of the musical and leads into the theoretical resolution.

so yea! I figure there’s probably 12 songs? one for each prisoner, plus two group numbers at the beginning and end (Undercover ft. the prisoners singing their parts, plus an unspecified ending song lol). there’s only one trial bc that would be PLENTY enough content for a musical already, so the songs are probably some fusion of the t1 and t2 (and t3 when that comes out?) songs. idk the specifics of that don’t really matter. also just, note, none of the prisoners have names in the show bc even I have my limits lmao. so if I’m talking about the characters in the musical I refer to them by their number, if I’m talking about the characters in the fic they get their names.

but anyway the important thing is! I think the main tech objective for the show is to make sure the visuals and sound of every prisoner’s song feels distinct, both from the other songs and from the interrogation scenes. the secondary objective is that the songs should feel kinda surreal; they take place in the prisoner’s minds, so they should be very separate from “reality” (in quotes bc what even is Milgram). so most of my planning was done with that in mind :)

DECK:

okay. so! most of the show’s tech is probably lighting/projection-based to accomplish all the different tones and aesthetic shifts, but there are some fun little things with the deck too, not least of which being the y’know!! rotating disc!! à la Les Mis or Hamilton. I think it’d at least be super cool for Undercover and 010’s song (which has some Deep Cover stuff fs), and definitely in other places too because the songs are all kinda wild lol. I found this tutorial and, in my humble opinion, Kazui and Hinako are indeed insane enough as directors to want this, and Kotoko and Kazui are indeed insane enough to build this: http://theaterdad.blogspot.com/2011/06/how-to-make-revolving-stage.html?m=1 

in terms of physical set pieces, there’s of course the interrogation table and chairs, which comes on for every interrogation and comes off after every “sing your sins.” there’s also the Warden’s chair (whatever the fuck Es is sitting on at the beginning of Undercover), and maybe some bonus pieces for the prisoners’ songs? like possibly school desks for 004, hospital bed for 005, round table for 010, that sort of stuff.

SOUND:

I don’t know a whole ton about sound, but I imagine Yuno’s trying to set it up so that the interrogation scenes feel like you’re watching two characters from the outside, and the songs feel like you’re immersed inside the character’s head (since yknow,,, that’s kinda the central conceit of the show lol). I’m envisioning that she’s gonna have the interrogation dialogue sound like it’s mostly coming from the stage (so like, the closer to the stage a speaker is, the louder it is), and the music sound like it’s kinda coming from everywhere at once (so all the speakers are similar volume). so that’s why she’s doing a ton of repatching to get the individual speaker control she wants to create that illusion. overall I think she’s just trying to have fun with the whole thing which. as she should!!

PROJECTION:

so!! like I said earlier a big goal for the tech of this show is to make everything feel distinct, and the projection would be a GIANT part of that. I’ve only worked one show with projection in it but there’s so many frickin possibilities you can do with it so,, here we go!

first of all—the INTERROGATIONS. most theaters have stage monitors (basically just security cameras pointed at the stage from the house, which can be viewed in dressing rooms so actors know where they are in the show and can keep track of their  entrances). and I think it’d be really cool to also project that in the background in real-time as the interrogation scenes are happening (probably in black and white). partly to just make those scenes a bit more visually interesting, and partly bc I think it would severely fit the aesthetic?? plus that way, except during the blackouts, the projection won’t disappear and reappear as much, which I think would look cleaner and more cohesive.

BUT still very distinct!! bc in contrast to the camera vibes in the interrogations, the songs have their own cool colorful background art and visuals and fuckinnn stock footage projected!! whatever fits the vibe lmao. I think Haruka basically Goes Off—like the designer roles were decided for the show before they went on break, so he’s been working on this for months. each song’s visuals have their own style and color palette (yknow,, like how Milgram MVs work lol).

I’m gonna go on a whole separate rant about lighting but projection-wise:

001’s visuals mostly resemble the Weakness MV—so very colorful and very much drawn with nice smooth water/bubble animations, but also plus some of the edgy writing and glitchy stuff in All Knowing and All Agony. I think Haruka does project (haha,, pun) a little bit onto 001 (wow I can’t imagine why), so the art for that song hITS. 

002’s aesthetic is probably closest to Umbilical with like. pink void, balloons, the DNA staircases (possibly Haruka’s first venture into 3D modeling? which he uses later for Undercover and stuff), and the photographs (provided by the actress), but I really like the water ripples from Tear Drop so there’s some of that in there too. 

003 is most like Bring It On with all the video game aesthetic glitchy stuff going on, except add in a bit of spray paint imagery bc I think that’s really cool. 

004 is probably mostly It’s Not My Fault? I mean BUGS,, and honey and stuff. some classroom things like in After Pain (specifically the chalkboard has some stuff on it?) and a few real-life shots, but a lot of weird bug things yknow. 

005 is mainly Throw Down for all the flower symbolism (this is where flower stock footage comes in lmao), plus elements from Triage like the hospital bed, heart monitor, and of course the many many surgery receipts. 

006 is based mostly on This Is How To Be In Love With You (magazine vibes, again photos provided by the actress), but with a bit of the angsty stuff in I Love You (the fucked up carousel is good shit). 

007. is. interesting. since half and Cat are so different it’s a little hard to picture how the combined version would work (current idea is it starts slow and ballad-y for like. a couple lines, and then launches into jazzy vibes—perhaps something a bit like Theater by natori (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3rDLizb4sI)). but I’m imagining that 007 is a PERFORMER during his song. by that I mean when it gets jazzy he straight up walks down from the stage into the audience and has a whole Moment prancing around in the house with spotlights (aren’t we glad Fuuta set up the movers??). so my idea for the projection is that it’s mostly abstract and collage-y kinda like the instrumental break in Cat, and it does reflect the instruments (like the dancing saxophone lol), but it’s also got things like the apple, the glass, cigarettes, all the magic trick stuff, and the ring, and occasional cut-ins of irl stock photos of things like the bar. just little hints up there that are easy to miss if you’re focusing on all the Extremely Distracting actor in the audience and crazy dancing collage happening. also, color palette is probably warmer/red-er just to lean into the whole theater thing a bit more.

008!! I love the feltboard look at the end of Magic and I think that’s the main aesthetic the visuals would have, but with occasional cuts to irl photos of disturbing stuff like the taser. kinda like how Purge March does it? I almost feel like it’d be a bit like one of those analog horror things based on kids’ content, where the scary parts are 1) mostly just implied and 2) don’t last long but the juxtaposition is really jarring.

009 my beloved,, I really like the filming/camera vibes from MeMe, so the visuals probably involve a lot of that, and also the trains and glitch effects like in Double. ALSO. the MANNEQUINS. I have a mental image of Haruka sitting there debating what to do for 009, and then he looks up from his desk and sees his little pose reference mannequin and he’s like. Oh Yeah. so he takes pictures of it and photoshops it over/into some stuff, basically just turning it into like a whole mixed media art project thing (like this sort of vibe—Tatsuya Kitani MVs are frickin insane /pos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymtNhd_3CB8). and THEN. TAROT CARDS. after their pokémon battle Yuno lets Haruka borrow them, so he takes photos and uses them too (and uses the mannequins with them). the complicated disjointed mildly unsettling mixed media video collage aesthetic is *chef’s kiss* and I think it’d fit well with 009 and the film look.

010!! home stretch!! I don’t have much to say other than I think it mainly follows the Deep Cover vibes (bc seriously that MV is GORGEOUS), so plenty of chess piece imagery to go around. but also,,, wolves,,, more stock footage lmao. 

and fINALLY!! UNDERCOVER!! very geometric and following the general Milgram aesthetic. definitely the projection design closest to the MV it’s based on. not to spoil anything but there might be a bit more detail on it next chapter? didn’t hear that from me tho ;)

and now!! hilariously short thing to finish this section off. after each prisoner’s song, there’s a blackout for them to exit and for the deck crew to set the interrogation table up for the next scene. during that transition I think it’d be fun if there was a pre-recorded video of them answering some of their interrogation questions as a little sendoff yknow? plus that helps not completely kill the momentum after each song.

LIGHTS:

oh my god. hi. me. HI. this is my SHIT. okay. so. LIGHTS. starting with a fun little aside about LEDs and incandescents—imo incandescent stage lights are the prettiest and most natural looking, buut they’re also less versatile than LEDs (for example, you need physical gels to change the color of incandescents, but a lot of LED light fixtures can have colors changed from the lightboard). there’s pros and cons to both and there’s pros and cons to having a mixed lights grid (currently working in a place with both—I actually like it personally but it is hard to match the colors/tones a lot of the time). most of the theater world is moving towards LEDs in general (partly for convenience, partly as regulations are shifting away from incandescents) but Kazui is a stubborn mf who’s held onto an incandescent grid for THIS long and he’s gonna keep it as long he possibly can lmao. Fuuta convinced him to let him overhaul the whole thing and mix in some LEDs over the summer (mostly a bunch of moving lights), so he’s got a bit of both to work with.

for the Milgram aesthetic, unnatural white LEDs is lowkey the vibe?? I think just a couple white spotlights on the interrogation table would kinda be all they need. Fuuta is definitely getting a shit ton of use out of his movers for that since they can be pointed in good angles as needed. and for UNDERCOVER,,, oh boy he has some FUN with that one. if you program them right white movers make really good searchlight lookin things let me tell you!! I did them for a show recently and they looked AWESOME but I didn’t get to keep them in the final version (“it’s not a light show” which. fair but ok) so I’m vicariously living my mover searchlight dreams through Fuuta <3 and also, the Undercover MV has a ton of cool white spotlight type things going on?? like spotlights pointed through bars which casts cool dramatic shadows. definitely he gets to play around a lot with that :D

and then on the flip side~!! for the prisoner songs!! I think the general lighting for those is mostly done with differently-gelled incandescents, since they just look much prettier and smoother in general. I think the more natural look would also help to make the songs more immersive, especially in comparison to the interrogations—Fuuta’s definitely the type of guy to take something like a hybrid grid and really use it to his advantage to emphasize that contrast in overall feel.

each prisoner song definitely has its own lighting scheme too, which are all set up to look cohesive in conjunction with the projections in each song, so now all those are getting balanced for color and intensity so it looks like it all flows together with the visuals.

001’s general wash color is like a bluish white? so like R#051 (Surprise Pink (it looks mostly white in practice)) plus a bit of blue. not a ton of color bc the projections here are so colorful.

002’s lights are actually probably cooler tones for the most part to contrast with the pink projection. largely based on Tear Drop since the lighting there is super blue and it’s so PRETTY.

003…R#003 Dark Bastard Amber my beloved <3 (nah but fr DBA looks so good on red hair, it’s also kinda golden-ish which I think would look good with the saturated video game color tones on the projection).

for 004 like. literally all of After Pain is so Surprise Pink it’s ridiculous (plus a bit of Dark Bastard Amber for like,, yknow the murder at sunset). I like Surprise Pink for the color contrast with the green honey, might also want to test some purple?

005! I’m thinking of this one gel color that’s a really nice soft light blue, I believe it’s R#60 No Color Blue? again not too much color for the lights here since the projection will have a lot of flowers.

006 is very much a pink wash. probably Surprise Pink mixed and contrasted with a darker purple? I haven’t worked with a ton of purple but it’s a pretty versatile color and I think it could be good for the angsty I Love You type projections.

007 would start in a special light, and then when he goes into the audience that’s all a person with a followspot lol. at that point there’d only be enough light on stage to keep the projection looking natural (very low DBA wash perhaps).

008 is another Surprise Pink-based lights wash without too much color since the visuals would be pretty vibrant on their own, but much darker and bluer for the grimmer projections. I feel like purple would be nice as an undertone for her for some reason?

009 is. interesting. I could see Fuuta having to rack his brain a little for this one (since I’m racking my brain over here lol), but. if I remember correctly No Color Blue plus a tiny tiny bit of Surprise Pink can kinda make a semi-convincing white white? I think that, plus some bright RGB Color Moments in the visuals, could hopefully do the job okay.

010 HI OKAY LET ME LIGHT THIS SONG PLEASE. fuckin BACKLIGHTS DUDE the SATURATED COLORS the PINK?!? THAT is R#039 SKELTON EXOTIC SANGRIA if I’ve EVER fuckin seen it (bro just trust me, the color itself looks hella dark but when there’s light shining through it it’s so VIVID and PRETTY okay I just. yes). that mixed with some kind of really saturated indigo (part of me is even wondering about black lights??) would be so good.

COSTUMES:

okay costumes!! so!! as we have seen Mikoto’s been very busy lol. he’s not the main costume designer but he’s like. assistant costume designer and the guy in charge of Making Stuff (lead craftsperson I think it’s technically called?), which in this case are the prisoner harnesses and the Warden costumes.

costume breakdown! each prisoner has their actual clothes, plus “jumpsuit” (whichever white jacket thing they have), and a harness. everything except the harnesses seems like it could probably just be bought/sourced from somewhere (which is still, I can say from experience, A Lot Of Work lmao,, so the rest of the costume team has been similarly busy). I’ve gone back and forth about whether they should change costumes for their songs, but I think everything’s smoother if they just keep the jumpsuit. 

the exception is 010, who gets to do a quick change in the blackout before her song bc the Deep Cover drip is too good?? her harness and jumpsuit are probably attached somehow to be easy to remove at once. I’m imagining the way it works is that right at the blackout, the actress takes off the jumpsuit/harness setup, Mikoto goes on with deck crew for the scene transition with the coat, hat, and gloves (not enough time for a pants change so let’s just say she’s already wearing black pants and combat boots). he helps her get those on (let me tell you gloves are hARD in quick changes) and then he walks off with the jumpsuit/harness.

and finally the Warden! so Mikoto’s in charge of making the cape and the hat, and everything else can probably be sourced and modified as needed. someone’s probably having a lot of fun making the key necklace/props though!

well that was fun!! aren’t we glad I didn’t try to put all this in the notes?? I sure am lmao. the inherent slapdash-ness of the whole thing was kinda freeing actually and I had a blast just Saying Stuff, bc tech for Milgram The Musical has been living in my head rent-free for MONTHS and I’m glad I got to just put it all in words!! maybe I’ll do another one of these in the future if I need it lol. but anyway if you actually read to the end of this then 1) kudos <3 and 2) I hope it was at least moderately interesting, or at least enjoyable!

I don’t really know how to end this so. hope you have a nice day :D

[gildead]

it's @chounaifu's turn to jumpscare me... with positivity!

Rex’s Gardening Service here. Loamy Soil: Hi Vetra, what’s it like being the funniest person on this god forsaken website??? Okay but seriously, fuck, you are so FUNNY and you’re SO MUCH FUN to talk to on Discord. When you first followed me on Gold, I was like “no fucking way lol” because I could NOT believe that somebody was RPing such an obscure Creepypasta character! I thought he had been forgotten to the sands of time. I still cannot believe that such a silly joke like Banana Proton has become. . . . Canon lore. This is why I love RP, honestly. You help remind me that not everything has to be serious and rigid— that we’re here to have fun and laugh together. Thanks for making me laugh! Sun Light: Let me preface this with: it is SO hard to write muses with horror themes, especially when people are turned off by it. I appreciate your drabbles, and the layers of suspense that are attached to them. I ache for Gold whenever I read them. At the same time, you keep this happy air around him, despite the struggles and hardships he’s faced. It’s a lot of fun. He’s a lot of fun. This blog is a lot of fun. I’m really glad that you’re active here! Drizzle from the watering can: Talk about some of your favorite RP threads!

REX WHAT THE HELL THIS IS SO NICE...?

gonna answer the RP threads question under the cut because otherwise this post is gonna get long as hell. this isn't even a comprehensive list of everything.

literally anything with wolf and @koopaklaw (and @peachycrown), to the point where a certain Wolf quote still lives in our heads rent-free.

for that measure, literally anything with my main fox at the time, especially when he came to rescue my wolf (the mun knows who they are but i'm leaving them anonymous so the space furry fandom leaves us alone)

Also ANYTHING with Lucina and Henri's Chrom. Literally both of them being trans was such a big brain move on our parts, tbh, but I think a standout has to be Lucina trying to dance around the Morgans' existence with Chrom to prevent fucking up the timeline.

ALSO LUNEA. SHOUT OUT TO LUNEA. that thread was so good.

Ripley's Byleth and my Edelgard talking about church doctrine and how fucked up it is.

Bri's Ferdinand and my Edelgard post-killing Ludwig von Aegir.

There was a really good Edelgard one I did over Discord DMs. Unfortunately, it was with the antisemitic purple rat's Claude, so that one no longer counts.

Triandra fighting both @madeimpact's Pit AND @sternenteile in different threads because I had to change nOTHING about their lore to make things work. They're so versatile.

@gottgenug's jeralt and my shez, especially the one where jeralt finds out about arval. i love the dad.

Basically all of Reginn and Eitri's threads because Book V of had no right having such good worldbuilding. Also I hadn't written a villain in a while back then so Eitri was a lot of fun.

deep cut here, but my Rowdyruff Boys and @molinguish were. so so good.

Another deep cut, and maybe a weird choice considering the context, but during the ending of 2020 when The Great RPC Fuckening of November went down, a certain thread featuring Bunnie squaring off against the antisemitic purple rat and beating his ass was my happy place for an entire month. If you know, you know.

Gold and ALL of his fellow creepypastas shooting the shit has been so good. We need more creepypastas. It's 2023, embrace the cringe.

Of course, Gold and his little found family of @wariodemambo, @rosadolces, @queenshokora, and Papeeno @thetravelershub (feat. Peepaw @emptyzone).

And, an honorable mention since it wasn't a real thread, but:

YOU. ME. BANANA PROTON.

[lavenoon]

Hey! Bilingual with English as the second language high five! :D I just wanted to say, omg I know what you mean! Like, I can still read stuff in Spanish without it feeling weird if it was by a known classic author from Latin America or Spain, but it's hard to get into more recent stuff and god I feel so clumsy trying to write fiction in Spanish! It's such a weird feeling where you know good stuff can exist in your language but kind of prefering English because that's where your main entertainment is most of the time. And the struggle of always double checking something that sounds right to you but then you realize something is off and you gotta go google it to make sure you’re not gonna raise any eyebrows when you post it. But it’s very interesting as well, how we interpret everything based on our own languages! How we can apply our native phrases to situations that take place in other languages! (Sorry for rambling, my area of study just has to do a lot with the study of the structure and evolution of languages so this stuff is super inter to me dfgjfhfdgdshg)

DON'T BE SORRY I AM SHAKING YOUR HAND SO HARD

This quote by Yiyun Li, I feel it so hard:

It is hard to feel in an adopted language, yet it is impossible in my native language.

I feel like with classic works there's still a certain distance, but with contemporary anything? It's so close, it feels too close, too vulnerable to even try to express yourself and to such a degree that sometimes it's unthinkable that other people can

I sometimes just talk (or, well, write) anything that at some point, I just translated for myself without checking anything official, and the confusion I get in return makes me actually look things up :|

And the interpretations too!! Like, super clumsy/ blunt example, but bread. In the states, it's the ultra soft white bread ppl usually go for and talk about, meanwhile here we call it toast bread bc that's the only thing it's good for /hj /lh. All the jokes about the crust of german bread being capable of killing someone have a grain of truth <3

But I just. I just love thinking about languages like it's all so so fascinating to me, like I mentioned before I love puns, n part of the reason is just that how language works just so so cool! How often puns aren't translatable because of missing cultural context, and how people still try - I love it so so much!

I wish I'd have learned more languages - I learned Spanish for a year and a half in middle school, and tried my hand at Dutch while I was living in the Netherlands, and I did get my latinum certificate in middle school too, which makes reading romance languages at least somewhat possible. But besides English I'm not fluent in any other non German language, and it's a shame, because there's just so much cultural context hidden behind languages!

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

Incorrect Quotes

tysm for the tag @jerzwriter (her post here) i had way too much fun with this

(all quotes pulled from this site)

i dont think you understand how obssessed i am with these im gonna be here for hours but anyway,, jensen x bryce will be first, then single characters will be after :)

~~~

(this one in the context of them playing basketball together >>>)

Jensen: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time

Bryce: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

~~~

Bryce: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Jensen meowing at each other from different rooms in the house

(barry watching all of this go down like🧍‍♂️)

~~~

Jensen: The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos. Bryce: Was that place out of chocolate-chip pancakes again?

~~~

(no okay the way this one is Accurate af)

Jensen: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Bryce: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Jensen: I said within reason, Bryce. How about I murder that guy? Bryce: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Jensen: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

~~~

(omfg the way i can see this with jensens intrusive thoughts its so funny)

Jensen: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. Jensen: And I started thinking. Jensen: Like, it was just trying to get food. Jensen: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck? Bryce: Are you ok?

~~~

Bryce: Relationships should be 50/50. Jensen cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

~~~

Bryce: My hands are cold. Jensen: Here, let me hold them. Bryce: My lips are cold too. Jensen: *covers Bryce's mouth with their hand*

(this one got me gd. jensen so would)

~~~

(this one.)

Jensen: Wow, Bryce, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you. Bryce: We literally slept together yesterday. Jensen: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

~~~

Jensen: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Bryce: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Jensen: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Bryce: Is it working?

~~~

Single quotes

~~~

Bryce: What the fuck. Bryce: ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship. Bryce: Who the hell watches jump rope competiti- ooh bouncy.

~~~

Jensen: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

~~~

Ethan, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

~~~

Jensen: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

~~~

Jensen: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

~~~

(and one double of these two cause i love it)

Sienna: Don't go to the kitchen. Jensen: Why? Sienna: I saw a spider. Jensen: Well, did you kill it? Sienna: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...

[weebsinstash]

Hey I know this might be uncalled for and idk much about anything, but I found the last post in your personal blog talking about your trip kind of alarming. It sounds like you’re putting a lot of effort to an important friend, but from your posts, the entire situation just seems fishy. I’m sorry if I sound rude, I’m just concerned because you mentioned the other friend won’t make it and you’ll be alone with this guy far from home, and he doesn’t have any plans to take you around (which a lot of times, hanging out and sight-seeing doesn’t really require money, if any at all). I really hope that if you decide to go you’ll have an amazing time but at this point, but I’m afraid you’re kinda setting yourself up for disappointment? And I really hope I’m not rude by saying this. Again, you’re putting a lot of care and money into this trip so at this point you should think twice and consider going somewhere else and have fun by yourself.

I was wondering why you would ask over here but then I suddenly remembered I turned off anon on my main blog ages ago so that's on me 💀 you aren't being rude dont worry haha, its nice to know people care enough about me to express concern

For context for you guys who just know me over here, I recently reconnected with an old online friend I knew like 9 years ago and he kind of just invited me up for a visit with him and another online friend i knew during the same time period who also lives in his area on a whim because, life is short, the pandemic has been hell, people have died and drifted apart and all that, and I was really happy because he used to be a big pillar of support for me back in the day (the other friend too) and I thought "hey, taking a trip could be really good for me, im already super depressed lmao" but being invited up quickly turned into 1. Other friend can't make it 2. I have to provide my own lodging aka paying for motel which is expensive 3. He doesn't drive so I have to be taking a rideshare service to travel like 6 miles to his place and back to my hotel 4. I knew he was, earning a scholarship and such but he dropped on me today after I've already scheduled everything that he's been a full time student with no income so like, we really won't even be able to do basic shit like go out to eat or see a movie unless I pay for everything and that's on top of already spending like $1k on traveling and the motel alone

My mom is trying to talk me out of going and, I will be honest and say I'm really upset with his communication. He invited me in a really sincere way but this entire process has been a nightmare. Like I figured since I'm, you know, having to pay for a passport and travel to Canada, that we would be able to like sightsee and maybe check out the local food and try poutine but the only activities he has suggested so far is hiking (which is fine that sounds fun) and idk listening to music on subwoofers in his room in the house he shares with like 3 other men and doing shrooms. Like dude I love this guy like a brother but he really kind of should have told me he was quote "extremely poor" before I shelled out the cash to take 8 days out of my schedule, two of those which I'm going to be travelling the entire day, literally my departure day is gonna be 4am to 7pm nothing but travel and similar on the day back

But also like. He was there for me a lot of the times I needed it when I was younger, he supported me and did nice things for me, so I feel I owe him even if I didn't want to go, which I do like trust me I still want to see him. Yeah this isn't ideal but, it could still be something really good for the both of us. I trust him not to be creepy with me and you know, he's been through some really hard stuff too (for you followers over here, he is the same friend I mentioned the other day who basically lost use of his dominant hand in a work accident). Yeah it seems kind of iffy now but I could go and have a great time. And if not, if we don't click, and it's super awkward, then yeah I'm going to be extremely hardcore depressed by myself in a foreign country but I'll have my own hotel room so I can have my own space and do my own things until I crawl back home. I'll actually be in the Niagara Falls/St Catharines area of Ontario so, I figure, if I'm forced to make the best of a bad situation, there should be plenty of opportunities by myself due to the tourism :)

But yeah I'm still really nervous and I'm disappointed and anxious about this trip and I still have to pay for my passport and this is kind of coming at not the best time but,, I'm looking forward to this and so is he so, I think everything will be OK. And if not then I'll be super heartbroken and never want to trust anyone again because no one else will be familiar with me and accept me the way he has and if i don't have that then I might as well not even exist lol :)