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#if you’ve seen the videos just from the last 90 days (not even including from before!) HOW IS THERE ANY GOING BACK FROM THAT
disco-cola · 5 months
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not people still unfollowing me on insta after three months of continuous posting for gaza and at least 22,6 THOUSAND PEOPLE BEING K!LLED OFF
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racharii · 25 days
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Prime numbers>:3
mattthhhh t😭t (i had to look up the prime numbers ;w;)
1. Are you a virgin?
no i dont use linux
2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size?
multiple people do and now you do too internet, 34F and in spirit i have a horse cock
3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs?
none currently that im aware of
5. Do you swear under celibacy?
i will not use linux no
7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex?
i was very close once but ya boi skirted the bar rapist by a nut hair
11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex?
outdoor sex 💯 car sex is the absolute worst idc what anyone says it gets stinky and gross and also now i have to steam clean my car so no
13. Have you ever helped someone “finish”?
near everytime i have a sexual encounter i try to make my partner bust so yes lol
17. What is your method of masturbation? (i.e. toys, clitoral, prostate)
clitoral and gspot simultaneously is the bessssstttt
19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member?
i send my friends videos of me jackin it so yeah lmao
23. When was the last time you had sex?
2 days ago im suffering im dying i might as well download debian
29. breast havers: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?
no. its nice and adds to it but its not enough to get me off
31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?
as mentioned before i have sent dear friends videos of me shoving stuff up myself so yes lmao
37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?
yes 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
41. Favourite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you?
ill give my top 3 cause its hard to choose ><, missionary cause its intimate and nicey c: , doggy for penetration cause its depersonalizing in an oddly intimate way and makes me feel like an object (hot), and good ol 69 cause i like being eaten out and breath play and making my partner feel good 😏
43. Are you into any BDSM?
any and all ùwú
47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover?
how i know when someone has crossed the threshold from acquaintance to friend is when ive had The Sex Dream about them,,,
53. Most embarrassing sex/masturbation story?
i was having sex with my now spouse then boyfriend in my childhood bedroom and my grandpa opened the door while wiping down my .22 sports rifle
59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger?
yes, my age range im comfortable interacting with and sleeping with is 90s babies, being 1995 myself its people who are ± 5 years
61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren’t satisfied with their sex?
no ive never broken up with anyone 😔
67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?)
yes its a talent out of necessity,,, i was one of those "you have to sleep with your hands above the covers" kids lol
71. Strangest sexual position you’ve tried?
head hanging off the edge of the bed deepthroating and have them fuck me with a dildo, awkward position to get into but hot af
73. vagina havers: During sex, vaginal or anal?
¿¿por que no los dos??
79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?
i consider all my friends beneficial uwu , and yes currently i have like 3?
83. Birth control or condoms?
birthcontrol for me i fuckin hate condoms begone (also my birthcontrol is lowkey gender confirming hrt so hehehehe)
89. Have you ever had sex during “7 minutes in heaven”?
no,,,, ive never even done 7 minutes in heaven :c
97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated?
if my lover walks upstairs and im not jackin it they are concerned and ask me if im okay
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feuqueerfire · 2 years
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I posted 1,328 times in 2022
That's 1,328 more posts than 2021!
131 posts created (10%)
1,197 posts reblogged (90%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
gunsatthaphan
rythyme
seekingidlewild
coldties
heretherebedork
I tagged 1,325 of my posts in 2022
#kinnporsche - 242 posts
#the eclipse - 210 posts
#not me - 132 posts
#scene - 105 posts
#love in the air - 103 posts
#vegaspete - 87 posts
#bad buddy - 78 posts
#analysis - 70 posts
#ep by ep commentary - 69 posts
#characterization and dynamics - 64 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#are these the youtube subs? iqiyi had 'rain belongs to p’payu now' which is the same thing bc rain is the first person pronoun and p'payu is
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Semantic Error Interviews
I wasn't gonna watch Jaechan and Seoham's interviews because Seoham's literally in the military already and I can't afford to get invested in someone who's not even here. However... they're endearing in the few I'd seen or interview translations I'd read, so I gave in lol
Watched:
some random compilations
How Close Are You Two to Each Other? 스포츠경향: They answered questions about each other and the show
서함X재찬의 동계 MT현장: They play games and answer quizzes. It's fun
To Watch:
WATCHA Game Item Hidden in Box
Maybe some of the Making Of and Behind videos of the show
Watcha Party Live 1 (+ more in that channel)
Edits:
women of semantic error (cr: 4pawats on Twitter): please if there's a season 2, I need them to meet (and date)
a yuna edit (cd: thornfah on twitter): she's just soooo cool
53 notes - Posted March 15, 2022
#4
i have so many thoughts about post-canon patpran and one of them is do the high school friends ever find out about the two of them and how do they react?
another high school reunion 10 years later, i'm assuming they're married by now and their parents have had to come around: do they arrive together with rings on their fingers? shocking their friends from the get go?
or do they arrive separately like last time, their friends joking about the enemy arriving? maybe the two of them share smiles, so pat’s old friends are like glad you’ve grown up and put it behind you. maybe now that they’re all mid-30s they talk about spouses and pat’s ring begs questions but he waves them off with “it’s a ~secret~” only to have his friends be flabbergasted when halfway through the night pran and pat are found laughing together, wearing matching rings?
80 notes - Posted February 16, 2022
#3
life these days really is just me trying to read or watch something new and then choosing to read bad buddy fic or rewatch a bad buddy clip instead
103 notes - Posted February 27, 2022
#2
I only know Porsche from these episode 1 Tumblr gifsets but if anything happened to this slutty, charming dude I would kill everybody in this room and then myself
131 notes - Posted April 2, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
The Cafe For All/Cafe of Diversity
When I think of pride flags and displays of (diverse) queerness in BLs, I think of Not Me and tangentially Badhaai Do because of their giant pride flag scenes which included protests, joy/euphoria, fighting for rights, celebration, and were just momentous occasions. I loved those scenes.
What I love about The Cafe for All is how it's not as euphoric nor rare, I love the cafe with its casual display of queerness and community, just a space for queer people to safely exist and be themselves. You can spend time with your friends there, you can invite people into your little world there, you can divulge your struggles to your mom there and you can spy on your friends/frenemies there. You can be assured that you are not alone there.
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146 notes - Posted September 2, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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wiypt-writes · 3 years
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What The Stark Spangled F**k?
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A Stark Spangled Forever Drabble- Chorus Girl
Summary- Once again Rori steals the show
Warnings- None
A/N- In honour of the Star Spangled Diva, and her Uncle Tony on their birthday, as requested by @icanfeelastormbrewing​
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.
Stark Spangled Forever Masterlist // Main Masterlist
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“Oh Dad!” Emmy looked at Steve “Don’t give me that look.”
“What look?”
“Your Captains look…”
“I’m not…” he shook his head.
“You are, you’re doing it right now!”
Steve sighed “I just don’t see why you wanna go off like that? I mean you graduate in a few weeks-“
“I know!” Emmy said “And that’s why I wanna go. I’ve spent the last 3 years working so hard to get my major and…well, travelling for a few months, me and Pete thought it would be fun to see the world before we come back and settle down and…”
“Woah, woah, settle down?” Steve arched an eyebrow “You and Peter…”
“I mean into a job.” Emmy glared at him. “Although we might get an apartment together, I dunno, but…”
“Ok, Ok…” Steve held his hand up to stop her “We can discuss that later…I’m not…”
“You lived with Mom before you got married.” Emmy narrowed her eyes at him.
“Yeah but the difference is he was in his 90s…” Katie said as she walked into the room, gently placing Harry on the floor where he toddled over to his dad who was busy giving Katie a glare.
“That’s not what I was going to say.” Steve frowned, before he looked at Emmy “If you and Pete wanna get a place then…I’m not gonna stop you all I was saying is just don’t start making so many plans…take some time and just…I dunno, chill.”
Katie looked at him, then Emmy, then back again “Did you seriously tell your 21 year old daughter to chill?”
Steve looked at Katie who was wearing an amused smirk and he shook his head “All I was saying is there’s no rush, Em. Come back here, take a few months and if you still wanna go travelling then, go, of course. The world is a big place, I want you to see it…just maybe me and your mom want some time with you this summer.”
Emmy looked at him, then to her mom before she frowned “Were you planning something?”
Katie took a deep breath and looked at Steve before she sighed “It was gonna be a surprise, but it looks like they’re finally going to finish the house in Malibu in the next few weeks. When Jamie finishes school we were gonna head out there for the summer months, all of us and let everyone come visit. Pete’s more than welcome too, if you want. And Brooke”
At the last line Katie saw Steve stiffen a little before he recovered. He had nothing against Peter per-se, he was just still uncomfortable about the fact that his not-so-little girl was dating full stop. God help them the day Rori brought a boy home.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Emmy said, casting her eyes downwards.
“Hey…” Steve looked at her, even now after the fact she’d lived with them for 10 years she still had these moments. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. We just wanted to make your summer special. You’ve put so much hard work into the last 3 years Emmy, me and your Ma are so proud of you.”
“Thanks.” she said, looking at them. “And I’d like that…for us to spend the summer together.”
“Alright, then that’s settled…” Katie smiled “You can go travelling after, if you still want to, right Steve?”
Steve looked at Katie then Emmy and shrugged “Sure…”
“Ok, I’m gonna start-“ But before Katie could finish, there was a loud noise of singing as the door to the den down the hall flew open and the familiar sounds of “Star Spangled Man” hit their ears. Steve looked at Katie before he gave a groan as the sounds of their youngest Daughter singing it grew louder, and louder, before she burst into the lounge dressed in a pink bathing suit, a tutu and Jamie’s old plastic toy army helmet.
“Star Spangled Man with a plaaaaaaaan!” She sang, standing on the rug in the middle of the room, kicking her legs out to the beat as she sang, twirling around, marching on the spot, her signing continuing.
Katie looked at Emmy, the two of them stifling their laughter as much as they could as Steve dropped his hands to his hips and looked at Rori.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Your song!” she grinned “I saw you on the videos with the girls and stuff…you lifted a bike up, with your arms!”
“Yeah, ok…who showed them to you?” Steve looked at Rori and she grinned and he had a feeling he already knew the answer.
“Uncle Bucky and Uncle Sammy. We watched them last time I had a sleepover.”
“Course you did.” Steve groaned
“And Emmy rehearsed them with me…”
At that point Steve turned his eyes to Emmy who narrowed her eyes and looked at her little sister.
“Hey, don’t throw me under the bus Rori…”
“What bus?” Rori asked, frowning as she looked around “I don’t see no bus?”
“It’s a figure of…never mind, forget it.” Emmy chuckled.
At that point Jamie walked into the living room “Hey Dad, have you seen my-“
But what it was Steve might have seen he never found out, as Jamie trailed off and took in Rori’s outfit.
“What are you wearing?” he frowned.
“My Chorus girl outfit!” she grinned “I’ve been practicing…”
“Practicing for what?”
“Being a chorus girl, dur!” she rolled her eyes “Look…”
And once more she launched into that infernal song, including another rendition of the dance routine she’d learned. Jamie stood watching, mouth falling open and Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the scene in front of him. The perplexed look on Jamie’s face, Rori’s dancing and singing and Harry stood clapping and trying to join in with Stark adding the occasional bark for good measure.
“When I grow up I wanna be a chorus girl…” Rori said, as she finished, giving a final twirl.
“Do you?” Katie said, smiling before she looked at Steve and gave him a smirk. “Maybe we should have called her Lottie…”
“You had to bring that up?” Steve sighed, folding his arms and glaring at her.
Katie grinned as Rori looked at her “Lottie? Who’s Lottie…”
“An old friend of daddy’s…” Katie teased and Steve shook his head.
“I’ll kill Bucky for telling you that.”
“You told me yourself!” Katie snorted
“I never told you it was a chorus girl, or her name because you said you didn’t care.”
“I don’t care.” Katie shrugged, and Steve simply arched his eyebrow at her as she smirked at him and looked back at Rori who was now showing Harry how to kick his leg out in front of him. He tried to copy his sister and promptly wobbled and fell back on his diaper clad ass giving a loud yell of laughter, clapping his hands.
Jamie looked at him, then to Rori then turned to his parents, hands on his hips.
“I don’t want her around when Sebastian comes over…” he said, glaring at his dad then his mother, before jerking his thumb over his shoulder as he stalked out of the room “Where did you get her from?”
**Original Posting**
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sugar-petals · 4 years
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Can u introduce yuzuru to us the caro way?👀
so you want to know about the one and only. ♡😌
yuzuru hanyū (25) of sendai, japan: the most beautiful ice prince with a heart of gold.
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….an artist clearly not of this world, he’s been sent to us from another realm. 19 world records, two olympics won, dubbed the greatest figure skater of all time. and the most precious bean on top of that.
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but let’s start from the beginning, shall we ♥︎
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so, want to spot yuzu on the ice? use this checklist. slender silhouette, an even slimmer waist, feather-like outfits (he sketches those himself; the fandom lovingly calls him swanyu), soft blushy face. he has great androgyny.
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outside of performances, you see him either with a deer’s gaze or the brightest, biggest eye smile. also, he’s usually found sitting with his wife: 
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which is the ice 😄 these two are together forever. you can discern yuzu from a mile away by how he treats his working ground. 
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there is a purity to him. you’d not guess that this is one of the most ardent athletes if you didn’t see what’s around his neck after competitions. the guy’s cuteness is as compelling as his skating technique.
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look for it: yuzu’s face is super suave and rosy up close, even after his most energetic performances. some men are handsome, others pretty, he is both. 
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even acoustically, he’s hard to miss. applause is all around, and he’s highly expressive. if you see a crying young man getting the high score, that’s yuzuru hanyu. you’ve not seen more beautiful happy tears.
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and score reactions, anyway:
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so, aye loves, the rumors are true. a cutie-pie off the ice, animated, a real unabashed meme — yuzu is easy-going, talkative. cheery, cheeky, one of a kind. his facial expressions are a league of their own.
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if you thought this is the sort of guy who watches cat videos, you are correct 😄
yuz-uwu hanyu, everybody:
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his undoubtedly feline behaviour is often unexpected, it stands out with its adorableness, too. a sweetheart par excellence. 
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and, how else could it be: vice versa, the big beast on the rink. he’s cutesy, dorky, very well-spoken in daily life, but when it comes to skating, his seriousness escalates. you blink once and suddenly hanyu is a bedazzling, strutting lion :’D his performances stun with confident elegance.
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he becomes full of ardor, drama, and focus. you’d never suspect so much fire burns in him. a showman and ambition icon, hands down. 
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his skating is dynamic, perfected, and emotional. if you want to see art and the extra mile, tune in when hanyu competes.
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the downside is; more light, more shadow. it leaves him crawling on the ice afterwards. yuzu performs so hard, it’s worrying.
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he delivers it all. you won’t believe it:
this guy is an asthmatic.
the symptoms aren’t as bad as they used to be, but there are still regular attacks. he said that he’ll never take it as an excuse and often recalls how he started skating because of it. he’s a badass, extremely inspiring. yuzuru defies all limits, including gravity. his jumps have legendary status. 
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off the rink, you guessed it: he turns into a wholly different person. 
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it all dissolves completely when he’s dorking around again. 
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don’t let it deceive you, he’s the no other option than first place type. he could not be any more decorated with titles, he achieved the grand slam in all competitions as of 2020. and still, king of sportsmanship hanyu is respectful and smiley towards all colleagues and never lets anyone feel left out. especially when it comes to his juniors (e.g. yuma kagiyama, 16, below) which says a lot about him.
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he bows in every direction before an audience, too. lower than a 90° angle, even. this is more polite than any existing formality in japan.
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talk about audience: i introduced fellow japanese skater shoma uno last week, who’s more uncomfortable with social contact and aggression. yuzu, extrovert he is: the exact opposite. he withers away with no people and competition. he’s befriended rivals, had crises over not having someone who could challenge him. when a competitor retires, he’s the one crying in their arms (e.g. with team mate and bff javier fernandez from spain below).
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beside his competitive spirit and princely wow factor, hanyu is popular for his winnie pooh tissue box that he caresses, squeezes, and carries everywhere. he loves good luck charms & rituals, pooh is the most important one.
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fans throw pooh plushies on the ice after his performances because of it. since it’s gotten so intense, yuzu recently started cleaning them up himself on top of the flower girls for the upcoming skater who could get delayed otherwise. (more about what happens with the piles of plushies later.)
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so, the burning question is. 
what made yuzuru hanyu emerge so outstanding an entertainer? how does someone causing so much uproar become like that? it’s not just what kind of appearance he was given, although he really looks his part to a T. you don’t have to be an insider to see it right away.
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like literally to a fault. and you can tell the way his blades sound on the ice is different. it’s soft even if he does the most hardcore quadruple jumps. i think it’s because his drive to do this is a higher one, hanyu has an altered relationship with the ice. where his devotion comes from has a more severe reason so, massive trigger warning. 
this is no exaggeration: yuzuru is considered a hero to the japanese. a survivor of the earthquake 2011, he narrowly escaped the collapsing rink in his hometown on that very day. he’s often talked about how the ice shattered underneath his feet and it was the moment that defined his life forever. he could have been dead by the age of 16. his motivation has been set ever since. this man is compelled by something bigger, that’s why you hear it and you feel it. he wants to skate not just for himself but others and seize every day. 
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much of his copious charity work — that’s where all the pooh plushies go — went to mend the consequences of the tsunami ever since, he’s looked upon as a great hope in japan. the minister gave him the people’s honor award in 2018. 
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now you know why yuzuru has such a fanbase and treats the ice as sacred, you see it in every gesture. his manners are without a single flaw, he helps staff repair the ice after performances. 
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you might think it’s odd, but he honors the ground. he’s invested in the integrity of it. that’s why he’s the best skater. it’s gratitude and the will to live fully.
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he hates to fall on the ice, he hates to damage it. alongside his feathery weight, that’s why the sound he makes while gliding along is so tender. 
i think that’s also why hanyu’s signature element is the ina bauer. it doesn’t rely on brutal force, instead this element slides across the rink like a swan. yeah, oh my god.
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it’s his most well-known dramatic move. the way he surrenders into it. 
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hanyu’s back arch and perfect split allow him to do elements no other male skaters can. his biellmann spin, for instance. i know, it’s ridiculous.
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and those are just two elements of dozens and dozens. hanyu is a kinetic wizard. i highly rec this record-breaking delivery of his olympic program. in front of his home crowd! he’s just… mind-boggling. i live for his smiles here.
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exceptional skater, exceptional mentor: it’s time we look at another puzzle piece that made yuzu the way he is. the masterful brian orser is hanyu’s beloved coach. missing gold by just one mistake at the olympics 1988, brian is now committed to give others what he couldn’t have— successfully so.
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orser took the ice prince to gold twice, this hasn’t happened in 66 years. brian is the nicest and most supportive pooh carrier and yuzu’s utmost rock. hanyu’s talent rests safely in these hands.
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he gets strict about punctuality lmao! but other than that, his guidance is gentle. canadian he is, brian’s courteousness mixes well with yuzu’s politeness. their bond is strong. as. hell. 
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brian picked up yuzu from rock bottom several times. most fateful being hanyu’s accident with a fellow skater during competition warm-ups nov 2014. they collided at a high speed, it was unspeakably nasty. yuzu got knocked out for half a minute and had grave breathing problems but still decided to skate on with what later turned out as an almost-concussion. brian was the most worried ice dad in the world that day.
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yuzu cried and crouched and bled like mad and my heart has been broken ever since. i hope he never suffers like that again. promise me you don’t search up the video, it’s a harrowing watch like a stab to the chest. sadly enough, hanyu’s body has still been a notorious wreck, esp. ankle issues regularly give him a hard time 😔
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it hurts like a bitch with every jump landing but he takes meds and still manages to win, god knows how. sometimes even with crutches on the podium. at his worst, he’s still the best, it’s a tragedy.
he’s been recovering, or always is, but he pushes himself through injuries. his ambition and perfectionism are boundless. the cause is more important to him than his well-being. this is not an easy guy to stan once you see how he sacrifices and self-destructs. so, it’s good someone protects him. 
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mostly from himself because nobody has profoundly surpassed hanyu. he has let himself no choice than to contest himself. not even health, only age can stop yuzu. i think that brian understands this ‘curse of a genius’ effect. his mere presence can make hanyu say these rare words:
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his two other coaches contribute to that. tracy wilson (left) has proven to understand his playful side the best while ghislain briand (right) helps yuzuru deal with his fears. so you got 3 people taking care of the golden boy. brian once said: “he is very sheltered” and you can see it’s true.
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yuzu eased into learning english and communicates well with his coaches. like with everything, he studies hard and often forces himself to speak during interviews to practice. his skills are astounding. his speaking voice is also very soothing, very amicably low and high alike. yuzu is highly intelligent. he always says something eloquent and interesting.
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now, privately, hanyu is very much like you’d expect someone so devoted to skating would be like. he doesn’t go out, has no social media, can’t eat nor sleep very well. no cameras allowed during practice. it figures he is attached to winnie pooh, think about it. in the cartoon, pooh is someone who sleeps, eats, and engages with friends plenty. 
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these are the things hanyu can’t do, doesn’t have time/energy/incentive for. he is barred from balance in life but can at least admire this little carefree plushie for it. especially because pooh represents eating lots while yuzuru doesn’t have a good relationship with food (he says it doesn’t go well with jumps etc.), hanyu lives vicariously through him. 
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what’s more, you have to see how he throws himself onto others and never wants to let go, yuzuru is extremely cuddly. 
to the degree that mere social customs can’t meet how much he really needs. so, what else can he resort to, he loves mascots and plushies. it’s how the tale goes in japan generally, tough work ethic, high responsibility, high pressure, so people turn to cute fluffy things.
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he always fondles pooh’s head, even pretends he’s come to life so he has someone to snuggle with. i think that his isolated lifestyle doesn’t help. so, he gets his affection at least there, you can see how happy it makes him. and again: he does this all for charity.
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that’s why fellow skaters are so important to hanyu. it really brings out his social spirit and comforts him best, it’s so wholesome. i’ve not seen someone react so relieved to being embraced, like he’s not been touched for months. skating this, skating that. at the end of the day, hanyu wants love.
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as he once said, what motivates him is to express himself in the first place. hanyu is a romantic. it’s written all over him. it reflects in his music choices, his elegant motion, how he designs his outfits:
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… and how thoughtfully he talks about marriage. he has big plans for starting a family and coaching after he retires. i won’t be the only one squeezing lucky charm pooh in my imagination so it turns out well for him. please make this heart of gold heal and see all his wishes come true ♡🐻
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sailorfailures · 5 years
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October 22nd is Minako Aino/Sailor Venus’s birthday!
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So how can you celebrate?
♀ Rewatch or reread your favourite Venus-centric chapter, episode, or musical! She might’ve been the last of the Sailor Team to be introduced, but she was actually the first Sailor Soldier ever - Sailor V. Prominent 90s anime episodes include episode 036, one of the earliest Venus-centric episodes, where she take Usagi out for a haircut to cheer her up; episode 042, where we finally learn of Minako’s (anime-canon) past working in London as Sailor V with her mentor, Katarina; episode 078, where the rest of the Sailor Team falls ill with a mysterious flu and it’s up to Minako to “help” nurse them to health; episode 100, where an old unrequited flame gets Minako rethinking her life goals and considers quitting her duty as a Sailor Soldier; episode 114, where Minako gets a shot at becoming a real idol, but has to compete with the villain Mimete; episode 141, where Minako goes on two dates at the same time and reaps the reward of her own hubris; and episodes 175 and 192, where Minako gets even closer to realising her idol dreams with some industry experience.
Did you know Minako has her very own manga series? In fact, it was written before the Sailor Moon manga even existed! Codename: Sailor V is much shorter, more comedic, and action-oriented than PGSM, and elaborates not only on Minako’s character and role before meeting the other Guardians but also the history of the Silver Millennium and the Dark Kingdom. If you were disappointed with Minako’s under-utilised role in the 90s anime, now is the perfect time to give the 2003 live-action a shot, where she has a much more prominent and plot-heavy role.
♀ Sailor Venus has several official image songs across different canons you can play for her big day, particularly in the live action, where she is a professional idol:
90s anime: Anata no Yume wo Mita Wa [“I’ve Seen Your Dream”]; Setsunakute Ii [“It’s Fine Even if it Pains Me”]; ROUTE VENUS; Ai no Megami no HOW TO LOVE [”How To Love per the Goddess of Love”] Live Action: C'EST LA VIE ~ Watashi no Naka no Koi Suru Bubun [“C’est la Vie ~ The Loving Side Within Me”]; Katagoshi ni Kinsei [“Venus Over My Shoulder”]; ROMANCE; Kiss!² Bang!² [“Kiss! Kiss! Bang! Bang!”]; Sayonara ~ SWEET DAYS [“Farewell ~ Sweet Days”]; HAPPY TIME, HAPPY LIFE; I’M HERE Crystal: HEART ga Tonjau Sora Dakara [“As It’s the Sky My Heart Soared Through”] Musicals: TRADITIONAL THE GRACE ~Ai no Arashi~ [“Traditional the Grace ~Storm of Love~”] Her voice actress Rika Fukami also recorded a cover of Shocking Blue’s hit song, Venus, inspired by the Bananarama cover that popularized the song in Japan. The opening bars of their version were also referenced in many of Minako’s official video game themes.
Here’s a playlist of all these songs and other Sailor Venus BGM cues!
♀ Indulge in some of Minako’s favourite foods! Minako is living that carb life, as her faves are ramen, gyoza (potsticker dumplings), and curry rice. Order out or challenge yourself to cooking them from scratch - just don’t include any mushrooms, which are Minako’s least favourite food.
♀ Minako is a very goal-oriented person, even if she’s not always the most focused, and many of her hobbies revolve around her dream of becoming an idol. Topmost, of course, is singing! She’s loved to sing and dance ever since she was a child. Learn a new dance routine - YouTube is a great start - or go clubbing with some friends. Minako is also particularly relevant to karaoke in the live action; why not gather a group and hit a karaoke bar?
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Minako’s pride and joy is her long, silky hair, which she takes great care of. If yours is in need of some TLC, treat it to a fancy hair mask, or make your own from simple ingredients. Alternatively, if you’ve been looking for a sign to make a drastic hairstyle change, chop, or colour, this might be that sign, as Minako is a huge advocate for how changing your hairstyle can change your outlook.
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She might not seem the type, but Minako has also been shown to enjoy knitting. Maybe she uses these skills to contribute to her massive collection of stuffed toys? Pick up those needles and finish that project you’ve been putting off or learn how to start from some videos or a local meet-up. If you’re an expert, you could even try a Sailor Moon pattern.
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Minako is a video game junkie, which makes sense, considering her alter-ego stars in one. She seems particularly fond of racing games, but also side-scrollers and fighting games; why not give a new indie title a try, or play as Minako herself in one of the many retro Sailor Moon games for the Super Nintendo and other systems? (Personally, my favourite is this arcade brawler.)
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After being an idol, and (maybe) her duty as a Guardian, Minako’s highest priority is volleyball. She had an incredible talent for the game even before discovering her super-human abilities as Sailor V. Why not hire some equipment for a casual game with some friends on the beach? (Though Minako wouldn’t judge you if you just played virtual volleyball instead.)
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♀ Dress like Minako for a day! She had the widest variation in fashion styles amongst the show’s characters, ranging from sporty, to preppy, to “cool”, to girlish, to eccentric high fashion. In colder weather she loved scarves and oversized jackets, but in warmer weather she opted for simple, breezy, minimalist looks. She favoured vests, and shorts/flowy, non-restrictive skirts so she was always ready to leap into action. The consistent element linking her different styles is her tendency to layer, layering jackets over vests over turtlenecks, layering necklaces over sun-dresses over summery blouses, etc.
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Her one mainstay accessory was her iconic red hair-bow, though she actually did swap it out to coordinate it with her outfit at times, and it was a pale yellow when she was a Princess. She started wearing the ribbon to impress a boy, but after he turned out to be a monster - uh, literally - she decided to keep wearing it because she liked it; so if something you used to love wearing has been tainted by a toxic relationship, you can Love and Beauty Shock it into something you wear for yourself. (By the way, before she wore the bow, she used a simple red scrunchie.)
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(Manga scan credits: sailormusic.net, MissDream.org)
As Sailor Venus, she started with simple yellow/orange studs that later became red and wore orange flats (often styled as d’orsays) with ankle-straps. Her nail polish was a fresh tangerine, and in her attack Love and Beauty Shock we can see she wears a pale orange/coral/peach lipgloss. Her image colours are orange, yellow, and a navy blue accent.
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... And of course, Minako never missed an opportunity to go big or go home; so if you have an over-the-top campy stage costume just lying around...
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♀ Match with your BFF twin for the day!
♀ Take up the sword!
♀ Line up a date. Or two. On the same day. (But don’t complain if you get caught!)
♀ Fav and read some Sailor Venus fanart and fanfic on sites like Pixiv, Twitter, and AO3 - or contribute your own new content! Don’t forget to tag!
Feel free to reply and reblog with your own ideas of how you’re going to celebrate Mina’s day!
Happy Birthday, Minako!
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October/November Picks
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Long time no see! So...it’s been a little bit since I’ve posted a wrap up. I had all intentions of posting one after October, but then you know life gets ahead of you and before you know it it’s Thanksgiving. Not much has changed in my viewing habits for these past two months, so I thought I’d group them together for a mega wrap up. Hope you enjoy :)
Without further ado here come some spoilers.....
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SECRET SOCIETY OF SECOND BORN ROYALS
This Disney + original movie was one of my highly anticipated watches for the fall. I am disappointed to share that it was a let down. The concept was such a cool and creative one. Having the second born in a royal family not simply be the “spare” but be the protector...with superpowers! (In a very YA way, getting their powers at a specific age.) They just should have gone about the story in a better way. I wanted more time with them learning about the powers and to make the villain stronger. Overall the acting wasn’t bad (which is good for a Disney + original), but it was just lacking. The movie was LONG and yet much did not feel like it happened. It was cool seeing Casa Loma (the castle they filmed at) as I was just there two summers ago. Sadly, I will not be watching this movie again.  
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VIOLETTA SEASON 3
We all already know how pumped I was when season 3 of Violetta was released on Disney Plus in September. I couldn’t believe it after waiting so long for the second season. I really enjoyed the beginning of this season and knew we would be headed down a road where I would grow tired of the storylines. 
We have hit that point. 
Quick Violetta rant. Things I am done with:
Roxy and Fausta plot
Fran and Diego being a secret
Herman and Priscilla
Pablo not at the studio
Milton being evil
Ludmilla lying
Recently, my sister is catching up to where I am in the season, so this has pushed me to watch more. I am on episode 43 and some of the above venting has been solved, so that is super exciting. I am finding myself wanting to watch it more now, so fingers crossed it continues to get better. 
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JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS
Kenny Ortega has done it again! When I first heard the premise for this show and watched the trailer on Netflix I wasn’t too sure. Then both of my sisters watched it and they wouldn’t stop talking about it, so that was a sign that I needed to watch it. Since then, I have watched the show twice and can’t stop listening to the music. THIS. SHOW. :) I get the hype. It’s just so wholesome and feel good. The characters are well crafted and the episodes go way too fast. They are the kind of characters (and cast) that make you wish you were a part of the show. I can’t wait for the next season (because there better be one). Definitely add this one to your list if it’s not on their already. 
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THE OUTPOST
The Summer CW shows were pushed to the fall line up due to delays in filming of the originally planned shows. I hope this means that they’re getting a little more love this year. The Outpost deserves it, as it is currently in its third season. (I think it might have gotten a little more now that the 100 is over and the commercial aired during the 100′s last season. Maybe people heard Black-blood and decided to give it a go.) This season has seen a new threat and during the first eight episodes there’s been MANY twists and turns, making it hard for me to remember how this season started. There’s been a lot of unrest in the Outpost and changes in who is in charge. While there are some unnecessary plot-lines (like that Tobin had to be married), I’m really enjoying others. Like how important Janzo is, his relationship with Ren, more Munt and that TALON AND GARRETT FINALLY GOT TOGETHER!!! It makes me so happy and is what we deserve after these three seasons. I love how strong both of their characters are and how they are both Warriors. I hope the season ends strong. 
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PANDORA
Just like The Outpost, Pandora was originally a Summer CW show that is now airing its second season. I really enjoyed the first season (like more than I was expecting), so I went in with higher hopes for this new season. Unfortunately, I have been let down so far. With the first season, there were parts that left me confused and my biggest review of this show has always been how there were gaps or moments where I didn’t know how much time had gone by. Those kind of things I could overlook, but this season the overall plot just seems weaker. I think this in part because of so many new characters. I know a lot of the season 1 cast ended their characters’ plots away from the Academy, but I wasn’t expecting them not to be a part of this season’s story. That has been a difficult adjustment. I also feel like I only understand Jax’s story and not so much about the other government/rebellion points. It’s getting a little better, but I hope it gets to be more enjoyable. 
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THE SPANISH PRINCESS--SEASON 2
When I originally was creating this list I had just started this season, and felt completely different than I do right now. I just finished this season last week. Much like my above review on Pandora, The Spanish Princess wasn’t sucking me in. I had a few episodes gather on the DVR. Then once we hit episode 3 or 4 and more drama was starting/Henry was starting to show glimpses of the Henry VIII we all know, I was growing more interested. In season 2 of the Spanish Princess, we do not see a loving Catherine and Henry for long. Problems Catherine have in conceiving a boy (male heir) are one of the main focal points, as is Woolsey’s growing influence on the king. With several sub-plots this season, I specifically enjoyed learning more about Meg in Scotland (as a big Mary Queen of Scots/Reign fan, I liked seeing a portrayal of her grandmother) as well as Princess Mary Tudor (who I was unfamiliar with. I loved her and Charlie Brandon’s relationship and wish we could have gotten more.) Each week I watched this show, I found myself Googling a lot. That is always one of my favorite parts of watching a historical drama based on true events. I know right now it looks like the producers aren’t continuing with the Tudor line and might have a different part of history as their next show, but I wish they would. I’m feeling the call to watch the Tudors as it’s on Netflix and I haven’t seen it before. I want to learn more about his wives. 
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BLOWN AWAY
In a complete shift from a period piece, here is another Netflix show I thoroughly enjoyed watching last month. Do you find the act of glass blowing to be extremely interesting, but you would never dream of trying yourself? Or do you like competition game shows that are not like anything else you’ve watched before? Then Blown Away might be for you! It’s a very fast watch with only a handful of episodes that are about a half hour a piece. (I honestly wished they were a bit longer because it was SO GOOD!) Each contestant is a glass blower and they get to show off their skills by competing in a specific challenge. Each episode you see someone get eliminated until the final where the winner gets a residency at Corning Museum of Glass in upstate New York. This show came out in 2019 and I am hoping a second season comes out.   
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LIFE IN PIECES
This CBS comedy was one that I remember loving when it first came out. But I only remember watching the first season because then I couldn’t remember which day it was on. (It’s going to sound weird, but because I don’t watch a lot on this network I often forget it exists. We also only had a one room DVR at the time, so we couldn’t tape more than 2 things. Oh, the joys of multi-room DVR). After I finished my re-watch of Derry Girls in September, I was looking for another sitcom to re-watch. This was when I stumbled on the full series of Life in Pieces on Amazon video. (It’s free to watch with Prime.) I was so surprised to see there were 4 seasons! Since then I have been watching a good amount of episodes when I sit down to watch it. Now I’m about mid way in the second season. I highly recommend this show if you haven’t seen it before. It gives vibes of Modern Family. Very short episodes that include four storylines. The format is one that I haven’t seen done before in a sitcom.
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SUPERMARKET SWEEP
The revival of the beloved game show from the early 90s is now hosted by Leslie Johns and is the best thing you should be watching on Sunday nights. If you know your grocery shopping list like the back of your hand then you are all set for this show. Leslie Johns is hilarious as are the cast of characters that are regulars in her supermarket. I think it would be a great TV show to be on and I’m not just saying that because I want one of the sweatshirts (although that would be great). If you want (another) feel-good watch, look no further! You catch up on demand. 
RE-WATCHING
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ANNE WITH AN E
It’s hard to believe that we only got the third season of Anne with an E at the beginning of this year (as this year feels like its been going on forever and when I watched the third season I was in a much less stressed place). Currently, I am teaching a class involving Little Women and Anne of Green Gables. The main focus is on how these stories get adapted in recent times and include such modern plots (and sub-plots). Naturally Anne with an E is perfect for this topic (and after watching season 3 at the start of the year) was one of my major reasons for choosing this topic. (The other being Greta Gerwig’s latest Little Women.) As I’ve been planning my schedule, I’ve re-watched this show. There is something so great about watching it from season 1 all the way through to season 3. You get to watch them grow up and it’s crazy to see how young they first were. Comparing it more to the novel has been a fun time, but also analyzing it more has been great and made me appreciate it even more. With all the stress of our current situation watching this show has made me escape and feel good. (Yes, I know I’ve used that word a lot in this wrap up, but it’s true.)
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Hopefully my next wrap up isn’t as delayed. Wishing everyone a happy holiday season! 
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rachelkaser · 3 years
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Stay Golden Sunday Reissue: The Heart Attack
Note: This is a repost of an older Stay Golden Sunday that had to be redone for housekeeping reasons.
Sophia becomes very ill one night and is convinced she’s going to die. The Girls confront the idea of mortality.
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Picture It…
The Girls bid farewell to their guests as a storm rages outside. They praise Sophia for the meal she cooked for everyone, and Blanche says it was even better than the food she ate in Italy. The Girls tell Sophia to take a load off in the living room. They start the dishes in the kitchen, while Rose talks about her family’s Scandinavian cooking.
Back in the living room, Sophia says she’s got a “bubble” of pressure in her chest. Rose thinks it might be gas, but Dorothy says her mother isn’t looking so good. Blanche goes to call the doctor. Sophia clutches her chest as the bubble turns to pain. Dorothy lays her down, while Sophia worries she could be having a heart attack. Blanche says the doctor was out, so she called the paramedics.
DOROTHY: Ma, you know, you don’t look good. SOPHIA: I’m short and I’m old. What did you expect, Princess Di?
The two discuss their family’s deaths – which include a fall from a donkey and misfiring a gun while taking out the garbage – to rule out the possibility of heart disease. Blanche and Rose talk about how death should come without pain or illness, getting sidetracked until Dorothy shuts them up. They go to make coffee, while Sophia begins to worry she’ll die. She starts giving Dorothy instructions on what to do after she’s dead, and says Dorothy was always her favorite, even if she never showed it.
In the kitchen, Rose and Blanche discuss death. Rose says her family members live to their 90s and 100s, which Blanche attributes to the Minnesota cold slowing down the aging process. They also discuss cremation vs burial: Rose wants to be buried with all her sentimental items, while Blanche wants to be buried in Arlington Cemetery because it’s full of men. Sophia tells Dorothy she loves her. When Rose and Blanche return with the coffee, she thanks them for keeping her company. She decides to rest while Blanche goes to call the paramedics again.
BLANCHE: Do you want to be buried or cremated? ROSE: Neither! BLANCHE: What do you want to be, flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?
Rose tells Dorothy it’s probably not a heart attack, as she’s seen one and they’re bigger. She recounts Charlie’s heart attack to Dorothy, which happened while they were making love (she told Arnie this back in Episode 3, but this is the first time she’s told one of the other Girls). She dressed him before emergency services arrived, and his last words were that he loved her. Blanche returns and says the paramedics are held up by the storm, and they’ll just have to wait… and pray, as Rose adds.
The Girls crowd Sophia, who wakes up and tells them she had a near-death experience and saw Heaven. She describes seeing her husband and asks Dorothy to get her rosary. Blanche’s main interest is if there are lots of men in Heaven (which… why wouldn’t there be?), and eventually goes to help Dorothy. Left alone with Sophia, Rose bugs the crap out of her by recounting farm stories.
BLANCHE: What about men? Are there lots of men in Heaven? ROSE: Oh Blanche, come on! BLANCHE: Well you asked her about God and Jesus!
In Sophia’s room, Dorothy’s going through Sophia’s things, looking for the rosary. She tells Blanche that she’s not ready for Sophia to die, and that she’ll still feel like an orphan at her age. She breaks down in tears at the thought, and Blanche comforts her by saying Blanche and Rose are her family too, and they’re there for her.
In comes Dr. Harris, presumably Elliott’s replacement as their house-call doctor. He inspects Sophia and finds her side is sensitive, so he asks her what she ate recently. The girls list a truly disgusting amount of food, including scungilli, fried mozzarella, and two boxes of Milk Duds. Dr. Harris says it’s not a heart attack, but more likely a gallbladder attack from overeating. Sophia is instantly relieved, but takes back what she said about Dorothy being her favorite now that she’s not dying.
Later that evening, the Girls minus Sophia (who’s presumably resting) talk about mortality in the kitchen. They question the reason they worry about things like dieting when they’re going to die eventually – a thinly veiled excuse to eat some chocolate cake and ice cream. They do eventually get turned off of the dessert when they realize that, while they are going to die eventually, they’ll feel the negative effects of overeating immediately, like Sophia did. They decide to go out for a walk (one hopes the storm is not still raging), and Blanche brings it back around to her favorite topic:
BLANCHE: Let’s go for a walk. ROSE: Right, burn it off! DOROTHY: Are you kidding? After what we ate, we’d have to walk to Canada. BLANCHE: Oh, Mounties! I love Canadian men!
“You couldn’t say ‘belch?’ What is it, a Viking curse?”
This is the first episode that centers around Sophia, and given the multiple references to her age and health in the preceding nine episodes, it’s fitting that it’s about a health scare. Estelle Getty, who has mostly played comic relief up to this point in the series, gets her shot at carrying the dramatic half of an episode – and she definitely delivers.
To be a little real with you, this episode has been hard for me to watch the last few years, ever since my mother died. She was the one who introduced me to Golden Girls, and episodes like this hurt both because I know now she and I will never have that Dorothy-and-Sophia rapport in old age like I always assumed – my mom was not even 60 when she died – and because I was basically in Dorothy’s position at the time. If I could have chosen a quote to describe the months of my life after my mother died, it’d probably be this one:
DOROTHY: It doesn’t matter. You lose a parent, you might as well be six. It’s scary. And it pushes you right up to the head of the line.
I appreciate that, when confronted with the possibility that she might die, Sophia’s not accepting or serene even though she’s very old. I think there’s a perception that, when you get old, you just have to accept that you might die soon and be okay with it because you’ve “lived a full life” or some such nonsense. Instead, Sophia outright says “I’m not ready” and that she’d take even one more day of life.
I leave it to other shows to try and teach people to accept death with grace. I prefer Golden Girls’s way, which is to say “Screw that,” and portray the octogenarian matriarch as not wanting to die. There’s something very real in Sophia saying she never really thought she would die.
SOPHIA: 80 years old, and it would come as a complete surprise.
There’s quite a bit of real-world backstory to this one, too. Originally, it was intended to be broadcast live, which is why it’s the first episode since the pilot to take place entirely within the confines of the Girls’ home. According to Golden Girls Forever (quite a treasure trove), NBC had done a live episode of Gimme a Break and attempted to replicate its success with a night of live shows, ostensibly to promote Saturday Night Live. Golden Girls would have been one of about five shows to air its episodes live.
At first all the other shows were onboard, but then showrunners protested the final offering of the night, a detective show called Hunter, couldn’t be filmed live. So the live plan was scrapped. Director Jim Drake remembered it as being for the best, since the actresses weren’t really equipped to do the show in a single live, continuous taping. While their shows were filmed in front of a live studio audience, they still had the option of doing multiple takes. Somewhat relevant, but here’s a video of Golden Girls bloopers:
youtube
The other real-world issue that influenced the filming of this episode was one that also cast a pall over the previous episode – the death of Bea Arthur’s and Betty White’s mothers. But while it seemed to throw off the chemistry of the previous episode to a certain extent, if anything it helps this one. There are differing accounts as to whether Rose’s monologue about Charlie’s death was drawn from the deaths of White’s mother or her husband, Allen Ludden. I suspect it’s a combination of both, but you can see she’s genuinely crying while talking about it.
My only real criticism of this episode is that the final scene doesn’t really seem like it’s attached the rest of the story. The Girls talk about their own mortality, and how the fact of dying makes things seem trivial. They don’t even mention Sophia, despite the rest of the episode revolving around her. It feels like a discussion they might have after a friend died – or, more accurately, a scene inserted by a writer who wanted to opine about death for five minutes.
That’s not even mentioning the fact that the way the Girls behave in this scene is very at odds with the rest of the episode. It’s just strange to me that they’d come to the conclusion that, since they’re going to die, they might as well gorge themselves on rich food, when doing so is the exact reason Sophia had a gallbladder attack – and they just heard a doctor tell her that.
Regardless, this is another great Susan Harris episode, and the first episode that puts Sophia front and center. While it’s a bit melancholy there are enough jokes interspersed throughout to keep it from being a downer.
Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰🍰 (four cheesecake slices out of five)
Favorite part of the episode:
The Girls crowd around a sleeping Sophia (see the image at the top of the article), and she wakes with a shout, scaring them all. When Dorothy asks her what’s wrong, she says:
SOPHIA: What? You’re sitting on top of me. I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I’m on the moon!
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What The Stark Spangled F**k?
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One Shot- Chorus Girl
Summary- Once again Rori steals the show
Warnings- None
A/N- In honour of the Star Spangled Diva, and her Uncle Tony on their birthday, as requested by @icanfeelastormbrewing​
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“Oh Dad!” Emmy looked at Steve “Don’t give me that look.”
“What look?”
“Your Captains look…”
“I’m not…” he shook his head.
“You are, you’re doing it right now!”
Steve sighed “I just don’t see why you wanna go off like that? I mean you graduate in a few weeks-“
“I know!” Emmy said “And that’s why I wanna go. I’ve spent the last 3 years working so hard to get my major and…well, travelling for a few months, me and Pete thought it would be fun to see the world before we come back and settle down and…”
“Woah, woah, settle down?” Steve arched an eyebrow “You and Peter…”
“I mean into a job.” Emmy glared at him. “Although we might get an apartment together, I dunno, but…”
“Ok, Ok…” Steve held his hand up to stop her “We can discuss that later…I’m not…”
“You lived with Mom before you got married.” Emmy narrowed her eyes at him.
“Yeah but the difference is he was in his 90s…” Katie said as she walked into the room, gently placing Harry on the floor where he toddled over to his dad who was busy giving Katie a glare.
“That’s not what I was going to say.” Steve frowned, before he looked at Emmy “If you and Pete wanna get a place then…I’m not gonna stop you all I was saying is just don’t start making so many plans…take some time and just…I dunno, chill.”
Katie looked at him, then Emmy, then back again “Did you seriously tell your 21 year old daughter to chill?”
Steve looked at Katie who was wearing an amused smirk and he shook his head “All I was saying is there’s no rush, Em. Come back here, take a few months and if you still wanna go travelling then, go, of course. The world is a big place, I want you to see it…just maybe me and your mom want some time with you this summer.”
Emmy looked at him, then to her mom before she frowned “Were you planning something?”
Katie took a deep breath and looked at Steve before she sighed “It was gonna be a surprise, but it looks like they’re finally going to finish the house in Malibu in the next few weeks. When Jamie finishes school we were gonna head out there for the summer months, all of us and let everyone come visit. Pete’s more than welcome too, if you want. And Brooke”
At the last line Katie saw Steve stiffen a little before he recovered. He had nothing against Peter per-se, he was just still uncomfortable about the fact that his not-so-little girl was dating full stop. God help them the day Rori brought a boy home.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Emmy said, casting her eyes downwards.
“Hey…” Steve looked at her, even now after the fact she’d lived with them for 10 years she still had these moments. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. We just wanted to make your summer special. You’ve put so much hard work into the last 3 years Emmy, me and your Ma are so proud of you.”
“Thanks.” she said, looking at them. “And I’d like that…for us to spend the summer together.”
“Alright, then that’s settled…” Katie smiled “You can go travelling after, if you still want to, right Steve?”
Steve looked at Katie then Emmy and shrugged “Sure…”
“Ok, I’m gonna start-“ But before Katie could finish, there was a loud noise of singing as the door to the den down the hall flew open and the familiar sounds of “Star Spangled Man” hit their ears. Steve looked at Katie before he gave a groan as the sounds of their youngest Daughter singing it grew louder, and louder, before she burst into the lounge dressed in a pink bathing suit, a tutu and Jamie’s old plastic toy army helmet.
“Star Spangled Man with a plaaaaaaaan!” She sang, standing on the rug in the middle of the room, kicking her legs out to the beat as she sang, twirling around, marching on the spot, her signing continuing.
Katie looked at Emmy, the two of them stifling their laughter as much as they could as Steve dropped his hands to his hips and looked at Rori.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Your song!” she grinned “I saw you on the videos with the girls and stuff…you lifted a bike up, with your arms!”
“Yeah, ok…who showed them to you?” Steve looked at Rori and she grinned and he had a feeling he already knew the answer.
“Uncle Bucky and Uncle Sammy. We watched them last time I had a sleepover.”
“Course you did.” Steve groaned
“And Emmy rehearsed them with me…”
At that point Steve turned his eyes to Emmy who narrowed her eyes and looked at her little sister.
“Hey, don’t throw me under the bus Rori…”
“What bus?” Rori asked, frowning as she looked around “I don’t see no bus?”
“It’s a figure of…never mind, forget it.” Emmy chuckled.
At that point Jamie walked into the living room “Hey Dad, have you seen my-“
But what it was Steve might have seen he never found out, as Jamie trailed off and took in Rori’s outfit.
“What are you wearing?” he frowned.
“My Chorus girl outfit!” she grinned “I’ve been practicing…”
“Practicing for what?”
“Being a chorus girl, dur!” she rolled her eyes “Look…”
And once more she launched into that infernal song, including another rendition of the dance routine she’d learned. Jamie stood watching, mouth falling open and Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the scene in front of him. The perplexed look on Jamie’s face, Rori’s dancing and singing and Harry stood clapping and trying to join in with Stark adding the occasional bark for good measure.
“When I grow up I wanna be a chorus girl…” Rori said, as she finished, giving a final twirl.
“Do you?” Katie said, smiling before she looked at Steve and gave him a smirk. “Maybe we should have called her Lottie…”
“You had to bring that up?” Steve sighed, folding his arms and glaring at her.
Katie grinned as Rori looked at her “Lottie? Who’s Lottie…”
“An old friend of daddy’s…” Katie teased and Steve shook his head.
“I’ll kill Bucky for telling you that.”
“You told me yourself!” Katie snorted
“I never told you it was a chorus girl, or her name because you said you didn’t care.”
“I don’t care.” Katie shrugged, and Steve simply arched his eyebrow at her as she smirked at him and looked back at Rori who was now showing Harry how to kick his leg out in front of him. He tried to copy his sister and promptly wobbled and fell back on his diaper clad ass giving a loud yell of laughter, clapping his hands.
Jamie looked at him, then to Rori then turned to his parents, hands on his hips.
“I don’t want her around when Sebastian comes over…” he said, glaring at his dad then his mother, before jerking his thumb over his shoulder as he stalked out of the room “Where did you get her from?”
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thedeaditeslayer · 4 years
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Bruce Campbell talks ‘Evil Dead,’ ‘Spider-Man,’ ‘Xena’
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The first time Bruce Campbell came across Sam Raimi, they were students at Michigan’s West Maple Junior High School.
“Sam was a year younger than me,” Campbell recalls, “and I remember him dressed as Sherlock Holmes playing with dolls in the middle of the floor. And I remember going way around him. And I found out later that it was Sam Raimi. We didn’t really come into contact until we got until high school.”
What a connection they made. After bonding over D.I.Y. filmmaking, Campbell and Raimi went on to do 1978 shoestring horror-short “Within the Woods” together, which they evolved into 1981 demonic thriller “Evil Dead.”
Campbell would periodically reprise signature “Evil Dead” character Ash Williams in various sequels and offshoots. And appear in Raimi-produced “Xena: Warrior Princess,” portraying slippery “king of thieves” Autolycus on that ’90s-iconic TV fantasy epic.
And then there’s Campbell’s memorable cameos in Raimi’s blockbuster, Tobey Maguire-starring “Spider-Man” film trilogy: the ring announced in the first, 2002 film, “snooty usher” in the 2004 sequel and a maître d’ in 2007′s “Spider-Man 3.”
Of course, Campbell’s made a mark outside that dynamic duo. He drew raves for his portrayal of a nursing-home-bound Elvis Presley in 2002 indie comedy-horror gem, “Bubba Ho-Tep.” Then there’s his role of Sam Axe on USA Network spy drama “Burn Notice.” Not to mention numerous other film, TV, voice acting and even video-game work.
The cult-fave actor will make his first ever trip to Huntsville this week, for Oct. 24 events at Von Braun Center’s Mark C. Smith Concert Hall featuring “Evil Dead” screenings followed by a Campbell-led chat about the film, his life as an actor and beyond. Tickets for these 3 and 7:30 p.m. events start at $32, via ticketmaster.com.
His upcoming projects include a comedy album with actor Ted Raimi, Sam’s brother, called “The Lost Recordings.” Campbell also is readying a book of essays called “The Cool Side of My Pillow,” which finds him riffing on subjects ranging from noise to the environment. He hopes to have both released by the end of this year. More info at bruce-campbell.com. On a recent afternoon, Campbell checked in from his Oregon home for a phone interview. Edited excerpts are below.
Bruce, when you do an “Evil Dead” screening event, do your discussions turn up new things about the film or that you haven’t thought of in a long time?
Every show turns up something new because it puts you on the spot. Someone will say something that will then trigger something that you had forgot. I just sat down the other day before one of these shows with my guy who is my frontman and I was like, “OK, l’m just going to tell the story of making this movie.” It’s not for questions I’m just going to tell you basically what you’re about to see. But yeah, every show triggers some new thing. I’ve seen the movie. I know how it ends. But that is the challenge, finding some new, weird tidbits.
Back in high school how did you and Sam Raimi first bond? Did you share a class or something?
Basically I got into typing class, that’s what started it. I could not believe I was stuck in this stupid class where everyone around me seemed to know how to type. I’m like, “How do you know this?” It was very frustrating. So I went to a counselor for the first time ever – I’d never gone to try to get out of anything.
So I go there and I say, “Hey can I drop this dumb typing class?” She goes, "Yeah, what do you want? I go, “What do you got?” So she comes up with “radio speech.” And I’m like, “Radio speech? Wait they do the morning announcements (at school) and stuff?” and I’m like yeah let me get all over that.
So I got into a class and Sam Raimi was also in the class. And the guy who taught radio speech also directed all the plays. We didn’t know how critical that was. The first year I couldn’t get in anything in my high school. I was auditioning for everything but I didn’t have a class with this guy. By the next year I had a class with him, and then me and Sam were in basically all the plays after that. We found out how the deal worked.
So I met him in radio speech and we’d do the morning announcements together and got to talking about what we do in our neighborhoods. I was making little regular-8 (millimeter film) movies and Sam was making Super-8 movies. So we started to join forces during the course of that high school run, that two or three years in there.
We were very productive. We didn’t really get into trouble because we were too busy like filming parties. We wouldn’t go to the parties we’d film the parties and use them in some way in our little films so it was a great guerrilla filmmaking period.
A celeb or well-known person you were surprised to learn they’re an “Evil Dead” fan?
I heard Charlie Sheen, one of his favorite things was to smoke a doobie and watch “Evil Dead 2,” and Alice Cooper’s favorite horror movie is “Evil Dead.”
If it’s good enough for Alice Cooper it’s good enough for me. You host the quiz show “Last Fan Standing.” What do you make of the mainstreaming of nerd-culture?
Every generation has its deal. In the ’40s most moviegoers were in their 40s and so the actors were in their 40s. Humphrey Bogart and Spencer Tracy and all the guys were in their 40s. You didn’t have to be 21. And then as the audience got younger the actors got younger and the people who run the companies get younger and so they’re really just catering to what’s popular.
Comic books have always been popular but now they’re really popular. Not really sure what that’s all about but yeah social media has certainly helped but I think it’s another form of escapism. Whenever times get weird, people want escapism. During The Depression they did the Busby Berkeley splashy musicals where everyone was happy all the time, when life was really miserable. And some decades where we’re really doing okay, the movies turned introspective and we go after ourselves and figure out why we’re like this and like that. And so I think we’re in a phase where we just want to be taken away to another galaxy and Marvel is very happy to help.
And you’ve been a part of that. In Sam’s “Spider-Man” trilogy, which of your cameos did you have the most fun with?
Well I don’t know it’s hard to lineate because they’re so critical. The first one I named Spider-Man. If I wasn’t in the movie a billion dollar franchise would be called The Human Spider. He wants to get in the theater in the second one, past the snooty usher who won’t let him in because he’s late, because it will spoil the illusion, so I think I’m technically the only character who’s ever defeated Spider-Man. And in part three, a superhero comes to a mortal for help. He wants me to help him propose to his girlfriend so it’s sort of a landmark case where a superhero goes to a mortal for help which is pretty rare. So I can’t delineate because they’re all critical to the “Spider-Man” universe.
Do you have any cool mementos from "Evil Dead or elsewhere from your career? Maybe something like the chainsaw from “Evil Dead 2”?
You know, it’s weird I’m not a hoarder, I’m not a collector. My brother, he has the shotgun from “Evil Dead,” but not because he loves movie trivia, he just likes guns. My brother also has I think the set of keys to the original cabin. That’s a pretty good one. Not sure how he got that one.
I have weirder ones. Like I have a prop from a 1989 movie called “Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat.” I have Van Helsing’s holy bottle where he shakes the holy water at them. And I have what I call my tchotchke shelf, where most people would look at it and they couldn’t identify what importance each item is, but there’s a story for each one.
Some of your favorite actors outside the horror genre?
Oh, I l love a lot of the old time actors. William Holden, he starred in “Bridge on The River Kwai” one of my favorite movies. I like the guys who had to work a lot. In the old days and actor would finish a job on Friday he was under contract, he took two weeks off and started a new movie a couple weeks later. Actors kind of just do one or two movies a year if they’re lucky these days and it doesn’t help them refine their craft.
I feel like the guys who worked a lot got good because they got really used to the process. I’m a fan of the studio system. Not all movies were good and not every actor was happy under the studio system, but I think a busy actor’s a good actor.
For your role in “Bubba Ho-Tep,” what was your process for tapping into Elvis’s vibe?
What guy doesn’t want to be Elvis, you know? So I worked with an Elvis impersonator for about a half an hour and then he gave up on me. He goes, “Look, man, you’re never going to get it.” I’m like, “Wow either I suck or you suck as a teacher but somebody here sucks.”
No, but I watched a bunch of footage and documentaries. There’s a good one, all his Memphis Mafia who worked with him, a filmmaker basically got them all drunk one night and interviewed them all and that’s where the good stories are. You learn a little more of the human side of him. But that’s pretty much it. I’ve never been a stage performer so mercifully there wasn’t that much of it, just in quick flashbacks.
And there’s a part of me, in the back of my mind, I want to know that Elvis' descendants, somebody, a daughter, niece, somebody has watched that movie and approved. We’ll see.
I thought it was a cool creative take on that whole Elvis thing.
I agree. That’s why I did it. It was one of the weirdest scripts I’ve ever read But yet it wraps up though. It has a weird premise but it has a really interesting theme of what do you do with old people. Do we forget these old people? And are they still useful in society, old people? And I thought it had a sweet ending, that these two old guys they kind of rally themselves one more time.
What’s a well-known role you’ve turned down?
Turned down? I don’t have a lot of those. I don’t operate in that rarified air of saying, “Oh I turned ‘Titanic’ down.” I tried to get a part in a studio movie called “The Phantom” and Billy Zane wound up getting the part." And it was down to me and Billy, I was number two for the job, but I didn’t really enjoy the process very much because it seemed more political than actually acting. It was amazing how many people you had to audition for, and you had to go up the ranks and each time it got a little more tense as you move up. So I’m good doing these weirdo little movies.
I read the budget for “Within the Woods,” the predecessor of “Evil Dead,” was a princely 1,600 bucks. What was the most expensive line item, you think?
Food and probably fake blood. Tom Sullivan, who did the special effects, probably needed to mold a few things, so he probably spent a couple hundred bucks on molds. A lot of it was footage because Sam Raimi likes to shoot footage, so we probably bought a lot of rolls of film. And we did go to a cabin to shoot it, so had to get in the car and travel so maybe a little gas money in there too. That’s about it.
What can you tell us about the status of the next installment of the “Evil Dead” franchise?
We’re honing-in, circling the building now trying to lock in a partner. We have a couple of bidders and we’re trying to just find the correct suitor and we have a script written and a director picked. Sam Raimi hand -picked a guy named Lee Cronin, who’s a very good Irish filmmaker. And it’s got a very good modern tale. It’s a modern-day urban “Evil Dead,” it’s called “Evil Dead Rise.” And we’re hoping to do that next year.
You were a producer on 2013 “Evil Dead” remake. What’s the key to making a reboot effective?
Well rebooting can be very confusing and frustrating and not always successful. Reboot, sequel, remake we have all these crazy terms. What we’re doing now is we’re saying," Look, this is another ‘Evil Dead’ movie and that book gets around, a lot of people run into it and it’s another story." The main key with “Evil Dead” is they’re just regular people who are battling what seems to be a very unstoppable evil, and so that’s where the horror comes from. It’s not someone who’s skilled. They’re not fighting a soldier. They’re not fighting a scientist. They’re not fighting anybody more than your average neighbor. This one is going to be a similar thing. We’re going to have a heroine, a woman in charge, and she’s going to try and save her family.
Speaking of a female protagonist, when you’re at a con or meet fans somewhere, who has the most passionate superfans: “Evil Dead” or “Xena”?
“Xena” hits them at an emotional level. Like, they’ll come up to me and Lucy Lawless (the actor who played the show’s title role) and just burst into tears, because her character helped them get through a difficult time. “Xena” is more representative of overcoming your struggles in life. “Evil Dead” fans are pretty fervent but they don’t cry as much.
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rosecorcoranwrites · 4 years
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September Reading Roundup
It's time for this month's reading roundup, but first, a little announcement that no one but me will care about: I'm staying off the internet until the election. Well, mostly. I'll still post to Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram when the mood strikes me or when I have a writing update. I'll still post Rant Rave Reviews on here and Youtube (the theme this month is spooky stories, of course). But I won't be interacting much (ie, I won't be spending hours reading through Twitter and Tumblr and watching random Youtube videos I've already seen). If you @ me or retweet or reblog a post, I'll probably respond in a day or two, but other than that, I'm becoming a recluse.
The reason for this is twofold. First, I'm offering it up. For those of you who aren't Catholic, "offering it up" is sort of like giving up something for Lent. You discipline yourself by enduring some deprivation (either natural, like pain, or of your own choosing, like not watching hours of Youtube). At the same time, you offer up your (albeit, in this case, slight) suffering as a sacrifice for some good. I'm offering it up for America. Not the election, America. Because, not to get political or anything, but no matter who wins the garbage fire that is the 2020 election, America is doomed unless our culture changes. As I said to a friend recently, if this was the 90s, we could weather whatever storm Trump or Biden brings, but people hate each other so much right now that our country is pretty much over. Unless...
I don't know what I'm praying for, but I'm praying, praying that come what may, God in his Providence will drag something good out of all of it, kicking and screaming if need be. I will also be doing a rosary novena with my diocese October 14th through October 22, and then another one with the USCCB October 26th to November 3rd. Join me if you would like.
On a lighter note, I'm a volunteer writer-in-residence again at my hometown library, so I'm obligated to focus on writing this month, and need write, research, and workshop without distraction. I have two Forensics and Fiction books all tabbed and ready to read, plus a book about army nurses in the Vietnam War. The plot of book one in the alternate-history/fantasy/mystery trilogy is fast congealing, and I want to strike while the iron is hot. I need to focus! My ultimate goal is to be ready to write a little each day in November, returning to my heretical NaNoWriMo ways.
I'll let you know how it all turns out in my first Novemebr post, which will be a reading roundup of October. Until then, let's take a look at what I read this month:
Two Six Shooters Beat Four Aces: Stories of a Young Arizona by Barbara Marriott Ph.D
Genre: History - Anecdotes
Why I read it: Arizona book club pic
What I thought of it: While it's clear that Marriott is an excellent researcher, she is either a bad writer or in serious need of an editor. Individual paragraphs proved internally repetitive, and the overall structure of each chapter was slapdash. It needed smoother transitions from anecdote to anecdote or more section breaks and section headers.
Would I recommend it: No, everyone in my book club, including myself, hated it.
7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton
Genre: Supernatural Mystery
Why I read it: I'd been wanting to for a while; the premise caught my eye
What I thought of it: The body-hopping time-loop stuff was brilliant, the characters likable, and the story delightfully twisty. The last twist and conclusion were unsatisfying, though.
Would I recommend it: Yes!! Despite it's flaws, it was an exciting, fun, and original book. I will definitely be reading Turton's next book (which involves a closed circle of suspects and, possibly, demons!?).
The Exorcist by William Blatty
Genre: Horror
Why I read it: I'd been meaning to for a while, and writing research gave me an excuse to do so
What I thought of it: I like that it doesn't pull it's punches; I'm kind of shocked that it's only been censored a couple times, actually. It presents demons as they are: hateful, grotesque jerks who get off on picking on humans. I also liked that there was a murder mystery subplot. I'm not sure I approve 100% of the ending, theologically speaking, but that's a pretty minor quibble.
Would I recommend it: Yes, but it is not for the feint of heart. Trigger warnings for child sexual abuse, adult sexual abuse, language, violence, the works.
How to Destroy America in Three Easy Steps by Ben Shapiro
Genre: Nonfiction - politics
Why I read it: It's a long story that I shall tell about in my memoir of library life, but not here. Also the cover is 10/10
What I thought of it: It was ok. I already knew most of what he said. I disagreed with some of it, like seeing the constant moving of people from town to town in 1950s as a positive thing; in actuality, "company men" in the 50s were moved around so they wouldn't have community ties but instead ties to the company, which is anti-human to the extreme. I did think it was interesting that he combatted the idea of America's greatness being built off the backs of slaves by pointing out that slavery was actually terrible for the south, as reliance on slavery retarded their economic system well after the Civil War.
Would I recommend it: If you're into political books, sure.
American Sherlock: Murder, Forensics, and the Birth of American CSI by Kate Winkler Dawson
Genre: True Crime - forensic history
Why I read it: I love historical true crime
What I thought of it: It was ok, but kind of didn't make the case for him being "The American Sherlock Holmes" (even though people really did call him that back in the day), in that a lot of his conclusions ended up being a little dubious. Still, from a research perspective, it did establish when various forensic practices started being used in the USA.
Would I recommend it: Maybe? I personally liked Father of Forensics more. I'd say this book is, like, 3/5 stars, just because it could have been tightened up a bit.
Coraline by Neil Gaiman
Genre: Horror
Why I read it: It's spooky season!
What I thought of it: Having already seen the movie, I knew pretty much what was going to happen, but I love Gaiman's turn of phrase.
Would I recommend it: Yes, especially for children who are too young for scarier fair but still want a creepy story.
The Horror at Red Hook by H.P. Lovecraft
Genre: Horror
Why I read it: It's still spooky season!
What I thought of it: I honestly liked this a lot more than the Cthulhu mythos stuff. Rather than vague demoniac blasphemies or black cyclopean gulfs, there's a real tangible cult that sacrifices (reanimated?) corpses to a pale, dancing, snickering Thing on a golden pedestal. I dig it.
Would I recommend it: Yes. Just... ignore the racism. That goes for all of Lovecraft's stuff, by the by.
Herbert West: Reanimator by H.P. Lovecraft
Genre: Horror
Why I read it: Turns out I like HP Lovecraft. Who knew?
What I thought of it: You gotta love mad scientists who try to reanimate the dead, right? I think this one would make an excellent mini-series.
Would I recommend it: Yes.
Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh
Genre: Essay - illustration/comics
Why I read it: I loved Hyperbole and a Half, and was excited when I saw Brosh was coming out with another book.
What I thought of it: It was okay. Not as good as her first book, but for an understandable reason: medical complications and her sister's suicide (that's not a spoiler, as the book is dedicated to her sister). Thus, the book had a heaviness to it that the first one didn't. Still there were some parts that made me laugh so hard I cried.
Would I recommend it: Maybe? I'd say borrow it from the library, but don't buy it, unless you are also suffering a loss. It might be really relatable and cathartic in that case.
The Rats in the Walls by H.P. Lovecraft
Genre: Horror
Why I read it: I like HP Lovecraft
What I thought of it: Not as scary as I had been led to believe by my brother, but still a good story. I plan on reading Lovecraft Country at some point, which supposedly flips Lovecraft's racism on it's head, and so help me, if it doesn't make reference to this story and chattel slavery, I'll throw a fit.
Would I recommend it: Yes. I like that the cat didn't die. :)
The Shadow Over Innsmouth by H.P. Lovecraft
Genre: Horror
Why I read it: I just... I just really like Lovecraft, okay?
What I thought of it: I find the sea inherently creepy, so when you have a decrepit backwater filled with a fishy stench and secrets, it's gotta be good.
Would I recommend it: Yes, especially if you liked the Fishing Hamlet part of the Bloodborne DLC (which I could not help but think of the whole time reading this novella).
The Thing on the Doorstep by H.P. Lovecraft
Genre: Horror
Why I read it: You know why.
What I thought of it: So if you've read enough Lovecraft, especially Dunwich Horror and Shadow Over Innsmouth, you already know what's coming... or do you? Right away, HP establishes that there is a special knock the guy uses with his friend, so I assumed the twist end would involve the Thing appearing in the guy's body but not using the knock, thus revealing itself to be (redacted for slight spoilers). I was wrong. That's not how it played out, and the way it played out was so much creepier!!!
Would I recommend it: Yeah! I really liked this one!
Haunter of the Dark by H.P. Lovecraft
Genre: Horror
Why I read it: Yup
What I thought of it: Same ol', same ol, but what I thought was cool in this one was that the supposedly superstitious Italian Catholic immigrants totally know what's up and spend their stormy nights keeping the Haunter at bay with nothing but candles and flashlights. What a neat detail!
Would I recommend it: Yup. :)
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newstfionline · 3 years
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Sunday, March 28, 2021
Alabama, Georgia pick up the pieces after deadly tornadoes (AP) Chainsaws buzzed through fallen trees, stunned residents dug in the rubble that had been their homes, and neighbors rushed in to help on Friday after multiple tornadoes ripped a path of devastation across the Deep South. At least five people were killed. As many as 10 tornadoes—an estimated eight in Alabama and two in Georgia—carved a tremendous path of devastation on Thursday, uprooting 100-year-old trees, stripping roofs from houses, seriously damaging schools and businesses, and scattering treasured family possessions far and wide. Charlene Watson’s apartment building was ripped apart by the tornado. She awoke to sirens and moved as quickly as she could to the basement of her building before the twister tore the roof off her building. “Just be thankful for everything you’ve got, because you are not promised the next day. Nothing is,” Watson said, holding back tears.
Biden’s inner circle maintains close ties to vaccine makers, disclosures reveal (The Intercept) In the coming months, Linda Thomas-Greenfield, President Joe Biden’s ambassador to the United Nations, will hear from a growing chorus of developing nations about the foundering efforts to distribute the coronavirus vaccine globally. The nations, many of which have not even begun vaccinating their populations, are demanding that the U.S. support proposals to temporarily waive certain patent and intellectual property rights so that generic coronavirus vaccines can be produced. The proposals have been fiercely opposed by American drugmakers, including Pfizer, a pharmaceutical giant that Thomas-Greenfield’s former consulting firm has recently counted as a client. Thomas-Greenfield and her number two, Jeffrey DeLaurentis, previously worked for the Albright Stonebridge Group, or ASG, a consulting firm founded by former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. The firm, which represents Pfizer, specializes in helping large corporations understand and influence international trade policy, including on intellectual property. Many leading figures in Biden’s administration, including key White House advisers, State Department leaders, and health care officials have financial stake in or professional ties to vaccine manufacturers, which are now lobbying to prevent policies that would cut into future profits over the vaccine.
Children Trapped by Colombia’s War, Five Years After Peace Deal (NYT) At 13, she left home to join the guerrillas. Now, at 15, Yeimi Sofía Vega lay in a coffin, killed during a military operation ordered by her government. Nearly five years after Colombia signed a historic peace accord with its largest rebel group, the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, the country’s internal war is far from over. Remote towns like Puerto Cachicamo have yet to see the schools, clinics and jobs the government promised in the agreement. Thousands of dissident FARC combatants have returned to battle, or never laid down their arms, and are fighting rivals for control of illicit markets. Mass killings and forced displacement are again regular occurrences. And young people—trapped between an often absent state, the aggressive recruitment of armed groups and the firepower of the military—are once again the conflict’s most vulnerable targets. That was evident this month, when the government bombed a rebel camp in an effort to take out a high-profile dissident FARC leader known by the alias Gentil Duarte. The camp turned out to be full of young people who had been recruited by the group—and the operation killed at least two minors, including Yeimi Sofía.
Why Uruguay’s Schoolchildren Are Doing So Well in the Pandemic (Der Spiegel) Two weeks after Amelia’s first day of school last March, she was suddenly unable to go anymore. Her school had been shut down because of the coronavirus pandemic. But for the first grader from Uruguay, it wasn’t such a big deal. She learned the alphabet by way of digital tutorials, and she had so much fun with the digital math lessons that she did additional exercises. There were video conferences three times a week, so she could get to know her teacher and classmates better. And under the leadership of her physical education teacher, Amelia, 7, did gymnastics exercises in her living room. Amelia, though, is not some well-off pupil at a private school. She goes to a public school in Uruguay’s capital of Montevideo. And like all of the other schoolchildren in the small country sandwiched between Argentina and Brazil, she received her tablet computer from the state. Uruguay has been investing in digital education for years in addition to making it accessible to everyone. The country’s education system was better prepared for the pandemic than most of the other countries in the region, and also better than many in the wealthy West. Whereas some teachers in Germany had no contact with their students for several weeks, there was a constant exchange between pupils and teachers in Uruguay. Instead of blurry scans and erroneous internet links hiding content that could not be found, Uruguay was able to offer schoolchildren digital schoolbooks with science experiments, homework in the form of quizzes or games, interactive video conferences, personalized exercises, and chats to clear up any questions. It has already been more than 10 years since the country—as one of six around the world—introduced a one-laptop-per-child policy. On top of that, Uruguay installed free internet in public squares around the country, including in rural areas, and also founded a state agency for digital education called Plan Ceibal. “In general, the last school year worked quite well,” says Fiorella Haim, a manager at Plan Ceibal.
Spurred by lockdown, Spain gives 4-day week a try (AP) After years of waiting tables, Danae De Vries is one step closer to achieving her lifetime dream of becoming a theater coach. Ironically, she owes that to the pandemic. It was after last year’s brutal lockdown that shut the Spanish economy down for weeks that the owners of a small restaurant chain in Madrid offered De Vries to cut her weekly work schedule by one day. Already struggling to make ends meet in a city that has seen rental prices spiral, the 28-year-old was hesitant at first—and then enthusiastic when she was told her wages would remain untouched. Experimenting with cutting back one workday per week is about to go nationwide in Spain—the first country in Europe to do so. A three-year pilot project will be using 50 million euros ($59 million) from the European Union’s massive coronavirus recovery fund to compensate some 200 mid-size companies as they resize their workforce or reorganize production workflows to adapt to a 32-hour working week. The funds will go to subsidizing all of the employers’ extra costs in the first year of the trial and then reduce the government’s aid to 50% and 25% each consecutive year.
Myanmar security forces kill over 90 in 'horrifying' day of bloodshed (Reuters) Security forces killed more than 90 people, including some children, across Myanmar on Saturday in one of the bloodiest days of protests since a military coup last month, news reports and witnesses said. The lethal crackdown, which took place on Armed Forces Day, drew strong renewed criticism from Western countries. British Ambassador Dan Chugg said the security forces had “disgraced themselves” and the U.S. envoy called the violence horrifying. Senior General Min Aung Hlaing, the junta leader, said during a parade to mark Armed Forces Day that the military would protect the people and strive for democracy. At least 29 people, including a 13-year-old girl, were killed in Mandalay, and at least 24 people were killed in Yangon, Myanmar Now said.
Beaten, Cuffed, Hauled Away: When Myanmar’s Military Comes Knocking (NYT) When the police and soldiers arrived in the middle of the night, they fired their guns into the air, threw stones through the windows and threatened to drive a car through the front door if no one opened it. U Shwe Win and his family were asleep. It was 2:30 a.m. The police and soldiers had come to arrest Mr. Shwe Win’s son, Ko Win Htut Nyein. When they found him, they beat and handcuffed the 19-year-old before hauling him away. His offense, the family was told, was taking videos of the police at a protest in Mandalay the day before. More than two weeks later, Mr. Shwe Win is still searching for his son. The authorities say they have no record of his arrest. Since the Feb. 1 coup in Myanmar, millions of pro-democracy protesters have joined demonstrations against the military and participated in general strikes and a civil disobedience movement that have brought the economy to a virtual halt. Security forces have responded with increasing ruthlessness, shooting people in the streets and arbitrarily beating and arresting people. Soldiers and the police invade homes in the middle of the night, searching for opponents of military rule. Many have gone into hiding. Some are arrested and released. Others wind up missing, tortured or dead.
Israelis gather for Passover, celebrating freedom from virus (AP) A year ago, Giordana Grego’s parents spent Passover at home in Israel, alone but grateful that they had escaped the worst of the pandemic in Italy. This year, the whole family will get together to mark the Jewish feast of liberation and deliverance from the pandemic. Israel has vaccinated over half its population of 9.3 million, and as coronavirus infections have plummeted, authorities have allowed restaurants, hotels, museums and theaters to re-open. Up to 20 people can now gather indoors. It’s a stark turnaround from last year, when Israel was in the first of three nationwide lockdowns, with businesses shuttered, checkpoints set up on empty roads and people confined to their homes. Passover is the Jewish holiday celebrating the biblical Israelites’ liberation from slavery in Egypt after a series of divine plagues. The week-long springtime festival starts Saturday night with the highly ritualized Seder meal, when the Exodus story is retold. It’s a Thanksgiving-like atmosphere with family, friends, feasting and four cups of wine.
Salvager hopes to free ship blocking Suez Canal by start of next week (Reuters) A giant container ship grounded in the Suez Canal could be freed by the start of next week if heavier tugboats, dredging and a high tide succeed in dislodging it, a Dutch firm working to free the vessel said. The 400-metre (430-yard) long Ever Given became wedged diagonally across a southern section of the canal amid high winds early on Tuesday, disrupting global shipping by blocking one of the world’s busiest waterways. About 15% of world shipping traffic passes through the canal, and dozens of vessels are waiting in the waterway and around its northern and southern entrances for the blockage to be cleared.
Piracy fears mount as ships take long way around Africa to avoid blocked Suez Canal (Washington Post) Brand-new Kia automobiles, cases of Heineken beer, live animals and billions of dollars of crude oil and other commodities remained stranded in the Suez Canal throughout the day on Friday. Meanwhile, a number of global shipping companies on Friday began steering ships toward the longer route to Europe via the Cape of Good Hope in southern Africa. Detouring around Africa is likely to add a week or two to most itineraries. It will also mean hundreds of thousands of dollars in additional fuel costs. With more ships potentially being diverted to the Cape of Good Hope, piracy could increase. Pirates have long preyed on ships moving in the waters off the Horn of Africa, and the seas off oil-rich West Africa are now considered among the world’s most dangerous for shipping.
A Year Into Remote Work, No One Knows When to Stop Working Anymore (WSJ) The daily alarm Katie Lipp sets isn’t meant to wake her up. It reminds her to go to bed. The employment attorney in Fairfax, Va., said she has tried a range of techniques to set boundaries while working long days from home running her law practice during the pandemic. Few measures work as well as the 9:45 p.m. alarm she started setting last month, though she admits to snoozing it occasionally to fire out one last email. “You never feel like what you’re doing is good enough, so you get stuck in a trap of overworking,” Ms. Lipp, the mother of a 5-year-old, said. A year into the Covid-19 era, many can relate. Employees say work-life boundaries blurred, then vanished, as waking life came to mean “always on” at work. Experts warn that working around the clock—while slipping in meals, helping with homework and grabbing a few moments with a partner—isn’t sustainable, and employers are trying ways to get staff to dial back.
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Would You Rather [Chapter 1]
The guys laughed at my addition to game night but were, at minimum, sarcastically supportive to try. The weekly ritual of me and a couple of my friends from work consisted of beer and board games every Thursday.
Matt and Jim both worked on my team, sort of, while John was our boss’s peer. Honestly having John invited to these probably wasn’t the most ‘ethical’ thing but we all genuinely enjoyed each others’ company and all loved games. I didn’t think John’s presence would be an issue and it hadn’t been.
Oh, and me, Kyle.
Sometimes another guy, Robert, came but he was spotty. He worked near us but was usually busy with something or another. Tonight it was just the four of us.
The game I found was from one of my favorite online board game stores and included very little in the box. There was, believe it or not, a DVD for the instructions, some stacks of paper and pencils, what looked to be a scorecard for up to 8 players, and a baggie of different board game pieces (dice, little colored squares, some coins, and other loose garbage). Online it had pretty good reviews and promised to be a unique experience unlike any other.
So after the laughter of the DVD instructions and clear scam I submitted to, we popped over to the living room and put the disc into my xBox. Man was this video old. It looked like a DVD copy of an early 90’s VHS.
A man came on screen and welcomed us to the game of “Would You Rather?” I had personally played a game by the same name where you had to guess what the other players would answer. It was a cute quick game that spawned good conversation. I assumed this would be similar.
As the host went on, I started to feel a little tired. Long day at the office I suppose. I accidentally dropped my head for a second but came too quickly just as he got to the rules of the game.
“Each player should write 2 options on a piece of paper for another player to choose from. That player will then have to choose to do one of the options or lose a point. Each player starts with 3 points and the last player standing is the winner.
Please pause the video now and have each player write a card for each other player. Resume the video once that is complete.”
Matt asked, “So I write one option per paper?”
“No,” John answered. “I think you write both options on a single sheet and then do the same for two other sheets. So you have a ‘would you rather’ question for each person.” “Oh, got it.” Matt looked up to the ceiling and scrunched his face while thinking of his options.
I added a bit of my strategy out loud, “So, I want you guys to pass on these right? That’s how you lose points.”
“Oh, yeah,” Jim confirmed. “I guess they should be pretty hard then.”
“Well that’s pretty easy then, right?” Matt asked. “I’ll just make you get naked.”
“And who said I wouldn’t do that?” Jim joked.
The guys were all straight, to my knowledge. Maybe bi, who knows. Each of them were married though with kids, except Robert who wasn’t here. I myself was gay and I think they knew it but we never really talked about it. The idea of any of them getting naked was kind of hot I had to admit.
Matt was pretty short but proportioned so nicely. I found myself staring at his butt through the week. Jim was like the complete opposite: a walking bear. Probably 6’5” and big all-around. I’d be lying if I didn’t secretly wonder if everything was big. John was the oldest in the group, maybe late 40s, but in great shape for his age. He had started to get some salt in his dark hair the past couple years and it suited him well. I, myself, was pretty average across the board. I kept in shape but mainly due to diet. I only hit the gym a couple times a week at best.
Back to the game.
I scribbled down some would you rathers that were pretty tame; mostly embarrassing stuff even though I would have loved to write out explicit acts. I didn’t want to weird anyone out.
When we had finished writing ours down, we put them face-down in front of us. Matt and Jim had been snickering the entire time. I pressed play on the video to figure out more specifics on the rules.
“Ready to continue and start the game? Good! Don’t turn away and keep watching and listening to me. You may not have known, but you’ve been hypnotized from an earlier part of this video. Sorry about that, but we found it to be a much more exciting game this way.”
What the fuck, I thought. I wanted to turn to see the other guys’ reaction but I couldn’t stop looking at the screen. I couldn’t even speak.
“The game will go as follows. You’ll all put your pieces of paper in a bowl or hat and take turns drawing them until all slips have been taken. Which means it’s possible to get your own card. I hope you weren’t too hard on your fellow players…
Also, there’s no opting out. Tonight is about the thrill of learning what your friends or family really would rather do. Once you read the options, you have to pick one and complete it unless physically impossible.”
What the fuck?!
“The game is over once all cards have been read. That’s it! Two final little adverts before I let you get on with your night. Firstly, once the game is over all you’ll remember is that this game was really fun, so be sure to leave us a good review online. And secondly, while leaving us a good review, check out our other selection of amazing games for your next party.
And with that, this video will finish and you can begin the game. Youngest player goes first and will continue in that order. Have fun!”
Once the video ended I was back to myself but we all exclaimed the same things. What the fuck. What is this shit. Oh my god. Fucking fuckers. Holy fuck. Etcetera.
“Kyle, what the fuck man?! Did you know about this!?” Matt asked.
“No! Honestly! It just had good reviews so I bought it. I had no idea!”
Jim layered on, “and you didn’t think to look over the rules first before you brought us into this shit?”
“You saw me open it up with you guys! Why would I have thought this was a possibility?!”
There was clearly anger in the room. There was very little question in anyone’s mind that it was real because I’m sure everyone had tried to turn away or speak or something during that monologue and none were successful. That’s when a tingling started in my mind, forcing me towards my first move. I knew I was the youngest.
“Fuck.”
“Me too,” John said. “It’s like I’m physically getting pushed back towards the table to play.”
We all tried to fight it but couldn’t and walked back to the table with our slips of paper. I went into the kitchen to grab a popcorn bowl and brought it to the center of the table. We each threw our cards into it and I mixed them around.
“I’m so sorry guys.” Matt had anguish on his face. “I just wanted you all to pass on my cards.”
“Fuck! Same. Shit fuck fuck,” Jim said.
I mixed the cards around and pulled the first one out. It felt like I was playing Russian Roulette. I recognized Jim’s sloppy handwriting instantly and my eyes darted to him.
He just closed his eyes in shame.
“Piss your pants or put hot sauce on your dick.”
“Sorry.” Jim clearly was ashamed but I assumed we would all feel that and many other emotions tonight.
“I.. I get it. No sorries, Jim. I guess… I’d rather piss myself.” I decided to stand, for some reason. It took me like 30 seconds to start since it’s foreign to piss with your clothes still on but was finally able to let loose. The warm liquid filled around my crotch and went down my leg, darkening a path on my jeans as it went. Luckily I had gone before the guys came over but I was still one beer in and had some volume backed up.
“Not what I was hoping to do with my night but better that then getting an infection on my junk or something…” I sat back down.
We all knew each others’ ages, relatively at least, and knew that Jim was next. He scrunched his eyes, clearly not wanting to grab a slip but couldn’t really help himself. He pulled one out and yelled, “Fucking A!”
We were all silently looking at him as he read aloud, “WYR, I assume that means ‘would you rather,’” Shit, I thought. It was one of my cards. “Do a naked hula dance or eat a tub of mayonnaise.”
I think we all wanted to laugh but were all still intimidated by the night to come. I should make it clear that none of us had seen each other in any sort of undress. Matt and I went to the same gym but almost never were there at the same time and never in the locker room together.
“My answer would probably have been different, but I’m hoping the hypnosis was right and no one will remember this tomorrow… Fuck me. I’d rather do the hula fucking dance.”
Oh god! Jim was going to get naked? I honestly expected the mayonnaise, while gross, wasn’t that bad and I only had like a fourth of the container left in my fridge. It was a couple spoonfuls at best. Should I tell him?
The internal debate was immediately thrown away when he reached for the button on his jeans. He slid down his denim and then removed his shirt as well. Standing in front of me in just his boxers I was speechless. He really was bit everywhere. His gut was big and hairy, pecs were massive, shoulders, arms, legs, …bulge. I couldn’t tell too much with his semi-baggy boxers but a second later he shucked them to the ground as well.
Jim stood there covering himself with his hands with another heavy sigh. “Okay, here we go.” He raised both arms and started to do his, admittedly poor, attempt at a Hawaiian hula dance. I was curious why he didn’t keep one hand down to cover himself but perhaps it was this hypnosis shit or maybe he just didn’t think of it. Either way, I got to prove out my theory that he was indeed big everywhere.
Jim had a pretty big bush but even-so his soft cock was quite visible. I would guess 4ish inches soft and quite thick which sprung fantasies into my head about how big he would be hard. I imagined he was a grower and the impressive 4 soft inches would be a thick 8 when excited. I dreamed that I’d get the opportunity to see tonight.
He continued to sway his hips for a minute or so. His cock and hefty balls swinging back and forth as he did. I couldn’t turn away, for obvious reasons, but could tell the other guys were also watching intently. I’m positive they’re straight so I chalked it up again to the hypnosis power. Maybe we had to look? Maybe we had to do a lot of things the announcer didn’t make clear to us? The excitement was constantly rimmed with fear in my mind.
And like that, Jim declared he was finished, and turned around to dress. I got to see his ripe ass as well which was a wonderful, hairy treat.
“Nice moves, Jimbo,” John said with a smile.
“Haha, ass.” Jim said as he finished putting his shirt on. “I figure you guys won’t remember so why not? And I know Matty’s been wanting to see my big ol’ dick for a while now.”
“Shut up, Jim.” Matt wasn’t enthused. Maybe because it was his turn.
Without much ceremony or grandeur he reached in and grabbed a slip of paper and started to curse under his breath. “It’s one of my own damn submissions.”
John said, “Well isn’t that the best? I’d personally rather get all my own so no one else has to do what I wrote.”
“Yeah well John, I’m a fucking asshole who wanted you all to lose.”
It was true that Matt was the most competitive. Maybe it was a size thing, but he was always very competitive in all the games we played even if they were co-op.
“Would you rather suck everyone’s dick or send everyone at work a dick pic?”
“Oh…” John said.
“Yeah. Fuck me ‘oh’.” Matt wasn’t happy at all and I knew why. While our memories would hopefully be wiped clear from the night if he sent out a picture of his dick to everyone at work that would certainly be there tomorrow and would likely result in him getting fired or in the BEST case he’d get a huge warning and everyone would have a picture of his dick.
“At least you won’t remember?” Jim tried to cheer him up.
“Hard to find the silver lining in that with three dicks in my mouth, you dick.”
“Hey, you wrote it you dingus. Don’t get angry at us.”
“Fuuuuuuuck.” I could tell he wasn’t happy and was fighting it but whatever power this game had over us couldn’t be stopped and would push you towards the choice. “Get your fucking dick out, Jim.”
“Me first? Why?”
“Because you’re right next to me and I don’t fucking know or care. I just want to get this out of the way.”
Jim didn’t really protest further since it would be each of us one way or another. He unzipped his pants and lifted his butt off his chair to pull them and his underwear down a bit under his balls. He was still soft but did look a bit bigger than a minute ago.
“What if I can’t get hard?” he asked.
I answered, for some reason, “Something tells me the hypnosis will ensure we all cooperate.”
Matt got down off his chair and moved between Jim’s legs. His head actually blocked my view which frustrated me. I wanted to move around to watch but since John wasn’t moving I figured the urge was my own gay ones vs. the game. And if he was staying put I should too.
“Fuck me,” was the last thing Matt said before leaning in and taking Jim into his mouth. Jim let a little ‘ohh’ out immediately but then just leaned his head back. The sounds of a sloppy blowjob were obvious but at least Matt was using a lot of saliva. I really wish I could have watched the action. By Matt’s head bobs I’d assume he was only going down maybe 3-4 inches but was that because it was all he could take or because that’s all there was? Was Jim even hard yet?
Two minutes went by with just the sound of a wet blowjob and occasional moans from Jim. I was painfully hard and afraid that would be too ‘gay’ once it became my turn. Suddenly Jim shot his head back forward and looked down at Matt.
“Matt, I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum.”
Matt didn’t stop. I’m positive it was the hypnosis because there’s no way he would swallow but I guess the blow job was inferred to be ‘to completion’ mixed with ‘spitters are quitters.’
“Fuck.. ah fuck. FUUUCK!” Jim clearly shot into Matt’s mouth. Matt continued to bob during Jim’s sensitive eruption which lead to Jim’s body just convulsing. He didn’t push Matt off and instead rode with the waves of euphoria and climax.
It wasn’t until Jim’s convulsions stopped that Matt withdrew himself from Jim’s cock. “This is so fucking gross,” was all he said as he crawled under the table. That’s when I got to see Jim’s cock. Probably deflated a bit but still hard from the BJ he had just gotten, glistening with spit and remnants of his own semen. I was pretty spot on with my estimate. He was as thick as I expected and probably just shy of 8 inches now. His balls were pulled tight against his body still as he breathed heavily, eyes closed.
That’s when I noticed Matt’s hands on John’s leg. “Okay, dick hole, get your dick out.”
John obliged but stood up to undo his belt and jeans. He slid everything all the way down to his ankles and, most surprisingly, took off his shirt. “You don’t have to get naked, man!” Matt said.
“I know, but I like being naked when I get my dick sucked, you cocksucker.” He winked at Matt as he sat back down but I wasn’t really paying attention to their words. Sitting next to me, I could see all of John’s body for the first time in my life.
He was probably the most-fit out of all us. His body hair was limited but in all the right spots. Hairy pecs, a treasure trail that turned thicker as it roped down his torso, and a manicured bush highlighting a beautiful package. Nothing about John’s cock or balls was exceptional in dimension but man was it a good-looking dick. It was like what a well sculpted, realistic dildo would look like. I did notice that he shaved his balls though. John clearly took care of himself even now into his 40s, married, with 3 kids.
The other thing, of note, was that John was already rock hard. Perhaps it was the hypnosis or perhaps John was a bit more experimental than I thought. Either way, he was ready for Matt and Matt wasn’t enthused. I’m sure he wouldn’t be enthused either way though.
I won’t bore you with the struggles of a straight guy giving a blow job but in short, he couldn’t fit much in. The 3-4 inches was all Matt was capable of taking which is probably pretty good for a guy that’s never had a dick near his face, I assume.
While Matt sucked, John played with his own nipples. He moaned a lot more than Jim and even encouraged him by name. John wasn’t living in a fantasy, picturing his wife or something, he was living in the moment.
“Oh, fuck yeah Matt. Suck my cock. Mmmm, you’re so good at his man. That feels so good, Matt.”
I looked over to Jim quickly. He had put his cock away but his hand happened to be covering his clothed cock. Was he getting hard again? He was certainly watching the show.
The blowjob went on for probably three minutes before John placed a hand behind Matt’s head. “Here it comes, Matt. You’re gonna make me blow.”
In response Matt just greedily sucked, forced to give the best blowjob he could. John’s stomach tightened up and his balls retracted as he came. Based on his own convulsions I imagine he shot 5-6 ropes into Matt’s mouth. Unfortunately, since Matt doesn’t know how to deep throat he got to taste all of John’s spunk on his tongue before swallowing. Maybe I should teach him sometime, I joked to myself.
Then fear.
I just realized it meant it was about to be my turn and the embarrassment crept up on me. Sure, they hopefully wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow but how could I not still feel ashamed. I wasn’t some sort of exhibitionist.
When Matt finally let John’s cock out of his mouth John made no effort to redress. He just sat there, naked and still hard, looking over at me. “Your turn, buddy.”
Matt didn’t even have words at this point. He actually started to unbutton my jeans for me! They were still wet from my piss but cold and kind of gross to peel off. I decided, like John, to just remove them all-together with my underwear. I kept my shirt on but it felt much better to be without bottoms.
Matt looked at my dick, then up at me. My cock was pretty good. About 7 inches and average thickness? Maybe a hair thinner than average if I’m honest with myself but I like the shape. Straight as an arrow, unlike me.
While looking at me, Matt placed the head of my dick into his mouth. I was pleasantly surprised that Matt didn’t use any teeth. He still didn’t take much in but it really wasn’t a bad blowjob. Then again a warm mouth feels pretty good on your dick no matter what.
Perhaps due to the practice or maybe the hypnosis, Matt got a bit more into it. One hand rested on my thigh, massaging it lightly, while the other grasped me around my base. He started to jack me off a bit while he blew me. He probably just wanted me to finish quicker, actually.
Lucky for him, I did. Partly because it was a good blowjob but more-so fueled by the facts of what just transpired over the past 10 minutes I was ready to go. He maybe blew me for a minute before I shot. I’m not even going to feign embarrassment at that.
I may be relatively average on most things but I know that my dick is a bit above average length and I know I shoot well above-average. Typically I edge for a while before shooting which helps but even in my quick jack-off sessions I drench the toilet paper I use to clean up. Poor Matt had to swallow probably two tablespoons of my jiz and swallow he did. Even a bit leaked out of his mouth and when he unsheathed me from his lips he licked it up. Man was he committed.
I looked over at John after my climax and he was still naked, and still hard. Following his suit, I opted to stay naked mainly because the alternative was to put on wet, cold jeans. Instead I just scooted in further to the table to hide my own non-ceasing erection.
“So.. um,” John said.
“Please. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to get this over with,” Matt said, back in his chair.
“I was just going to thank you, but fair enough. I guess it’s my turn then.”
John reached in and grabbed a slip. “Run to the end of the street naked or ask the neighbor for a cup of sugar in your underwear.” Another one of mine.
“Well,” John said, “that’s not so bad considering.”
“You’re damn right.” Matt added.
“I think I’d rather take my chances getting spotted running down the dark sidewalk then have to face your neighbors, Kyle. Especially since I don’t think my erection’s not going away anytime soon.”
John got up and walked over towards the front door, indeed being led by his cock right out in front of him. He had a dick like mine that pointed straight out. We all followed him to the door, me covering my own erection with my shirt, poorly. We knew he’d actually do it due to the hypnosis but general curiosity and rubbernecking meant we wanted to watch to see if he’d get spotted.
It was dark but my neighborhood has street lights so his pale body was still pretty visible. John made good time bounding down the 40 or so yards to the end of my block and back. I got to see his firm, squarish ass as he ran away and his bobbing dick and he ran back. I didn’t realize how hot it would be to see a guy naked out in public.
I couldn’t be sure no one saw him but at least no one came outside to yell at him. I had a breif thought of panic that if someone called the cops what would we do? Would we be able to stop the game to answer the door? What if we got arrested without finishing? Hopefully I wouldn’t find out.
When we were all seated I congratulated John on his ‘naked mile’ and he accepted the praise, laughing it off.
“I’m not sure why you’re so happy about all this,” Matt said, agitated.
“Well. I’m still pretty sure none of us will remember this so from my eyes nothing really matters. Plus I just got a great blowjob from this amazing cock sucker.”
Matt laughed a little, “Man, shut up.”
“Really Matt. I kind of wish you’d remember tonight. You’ve got a thing for sucking dicks.”
“You’re all gay!” Matt yelled. He couldn’t help but crack a smile though.
Jim added in, “alright, let’s please finish this. Kyle, your turn.”
“I know..”
I reached into the bowl and pulled out a slip. I saw the words before I read them out loud. I looked to Matt instantly remembering his last slip and he just grimaced. It was definitely his and was going to take tonight to a whole new level.
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thecleverdame · 5 years
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Caught - Part One
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Sam x Reader
Summary: You're arrested and interrogated as an accomplice to the notorious Winchester brothers.
Warning: Talk of past violence, death of parents, rape and abuse.
Words: 3.5k
Beta:  ilikaicalie
Part 2, 3 & 4 are available now on my Patreon for a monthly pledge of 2.50. This pledge includes early access to all my stories and Patreon exclusive content.  >> CLICK HERE <<
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“Y/N.” Detective Marlow says your name as if you’ve been sent to the principal's office, slapping a file folder on the table in front of you with the flare of a television detective. “I have to admit, I’ve been looking forward to the day I got to talk to you in person.”
“Well,” you sit back in your seat, holding out your hands for her to uncuff you. “I hope I live up to expectations.”
“I have no doubt you will.” She grins, unlocking the restraints. “I’d ask if I need to worry about you, but you’re not the violent one. Sam and Dean take care of the dirty work, don’t they?”
You try not to react when she says their names. The police don’t really care about you, but they’ve got a hard on for the Winchesters. Bringing in the famous brothers would make for a pretty sizeable notch in someone’s belt, commendations up the wazoo.
This bitch wants the big prize.
“I’m not sure what you’re referring to.” You blink and she snorts in response.
“That how you wanna play it?” She pinches her lips, nodding to herself. “You know, you don’t have to be afraid of me. I know what happened to you. I’ve got a pretty good idea of what you’ve been through and I want to help you.”
“Whatever you think you know, you don’t,” you spit back.
“Tell you what,” Marlow offers. “I’m just gonna ask you some questions and you can choose what you want to tell me. Sound good?”
“I don’t think I have a choice.” Shifting the chair you look around the windowless room, a touch of claustrophobia setting in.
“Did Sam kill your family by himself or was Dean with him?” She hits you with that one out of nowhere.
Your entire body goes stiff, closing your eyes for a brief moment and sucking in a breath to control your emotions. It’s been almost five years but it never gets any easier.
“Get fucked,” you grit, leering at her.
“I’ve got a theory about the boys,” she continues while you find a chip in the paint on the wall, a focal point to keep yourself grounded. “Everyone thinks Dean is the crazy one, a real piece of work. But I think Dean’s the only one who’s gotten caught. I think Sam is the real monster. He’s a sadist and murderer. Sam likes to hurt people.”
“Dean does have questionable impulse control,” you smirk, forcing any reaction other than crawling under the table. While you come off as having a tough exterior the truth is that you’re not good at this kind of thing, your anxiety is spiraling, heart rate picking up to a gallop.
“Let me tell you what I think happened and then you can fill in the details.” She flips the chair around, straddling it. “We theorize that Sam picked you out ahead of time. He stalked you, watched you for weeks. We have him on CCTV waiting for you to leave the gym, following you home from the grocery store. Sam watched you for a long, long time. He waited until the perfect moment and then he broke into your apartment and slaughtered your parents and the family dog.”
“You don’t know anything about what happened that night.” You swallow the grief that instantly bubbles up from your gut.
“But we do know. We know he dragged you out of the building kicking and screaming.”
She methodically pulls several photos from the folder, placing them in a line face-up on the table. They’re a series of still shots from the grainy black and white security camera in your parent's apartment building. In the first picture, Sam has you by the arm, both of you are covered in blood. His face is stoic but you’re in obvious distress. In the second you’re pulling away from him, trying to run. In the third, Sam has you slung over his shoulder.
“I know you didn’t want to go with him.” She taps the last photo of your ass in the air.
“You don’t know shit,” you murmur, clasping your hands together in your lap.
“Everyone thought you were dead. We assumed Sam used you for whatever he wanted and left your body somewhere. You were in the wind for almost five years. You can imagine how surprised we were when we ran prints from the museum B&E and it came back with three matches. Sam, Dean and you.”
“Honestly,” you shrug. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Five Years Ago...
You’re ninety-nine percent sure you’re having an out of body experience.
The car jerks as the big guy in the driver's seat hits the accelerator. The gears shift stubbornly, your body lurching forward against the seat belt. It’s a car he hot-wired a state back. It seems possible he might not even know how to drive a stick, but that’s not stopping him from pushing the speedometer past 90 miles per hour...then 100. You wonder for a split second what kind of damage there would be if you jumped from a vehicle at this speed. Visions of flayed skin and bloody pavement snap you back to the reality around you.
Please God, don’t let him be some kind of sadistic killer. You owe me.
You sit, hands folded tight in your lap, and watch the cityscape whizzing past. Squinting as the wind whips through the open window. The two of you are driving fast and far: destination unknown.  The sun is beginning to set over the horizon, throwing a golden glow that would be picturesque if your mother’s blood wasn’t drying under your fingernails.
“Where are we going?” Your voice falls deadpan, flatlined like the rest of your dormant body that refuses to move. There are a myriad of questions that you know you should be asking; for instance, a simple:
Who the hell are you?
What the fuck happened back there?
Can you pull over so I can puke?
A whole other side of your brain whispers for you to be quiet. Maybe he’ll let you go if you just sit still and shut up.
“Who are you?” You let your eyes stutter to the side to cheat a look at him. His grip on the steering wheel is so tight his knuckles are turning white, skin ready to split like a cheap dress tearing at the seams.  
After a moment his mouth twitches, followed by a cock of his head.
“I’m Sam.”
The dark aggression in his stare has vanished. The blood-chilling glare he wore standing in your home earlier that night is just a memory. Judging by the fact that you’re still in one piece you hope he’s not an immediate threat.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he confirms right on cue.
His voice is surprisingly soft for all the yelling he’d been doing at your house. Memories of his booming voice mix with bloody screams – your mother pleading, begging for her life. Then the gurgling sound when her throat was - you push it back out of your head. It’s too much.
You catch a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror and it’s only then the realization hits that you’re having a panic attack. Your body feels like dead weight, calm as a cucumber; however, your reflection clearly shows your red, swollen face covered in tears and shaking violently.
This all feels like waking up from a dream.
Your body begins to hyperventilate and you’re powerless to stop it.
“Where are you taking me?” you plead in labored breaths. “You have to pull over, I have to…I have to call my aunt.”
“I can’t do that.” He chews his lip and looks at you with genuine concern. “You need to calm down, you’re gonna pass out.”
“My family…” your words are swallowed by your throat as you struggle for breath.
He reaches over placing a large hand on your thigh, squeezing to get your attention. “Hey, look at me...right here…I’m gonna make sure you’re okay, stay with me…”
He’s still talking when your vision goes hazy and you fall into an abyss. The last physical sensation you have is his hand violently shaking your arm and then everything fades to black. Out like a light in the passenger seat of a stolen BMW, next to a strange man with a destination yet to be determined.
Present Day
“He really did a number on you, huh?” The Detective places both forearms on the table, leaning closer. “I’m not even going to pretend that I know what you went through the last couple of years. I can only imagine the kind of horrors the Winchesters put your through. But I need you to think clearly now. This your chance to get your life back.”
She thinks Sam abducted you, they all do. The police are convinced that Sam murdered your family, kidnapped and raped you and then somehow brainwashed you into staying with him. You’ve read the police reports and seen the warrants for his arrest. They think he’s the worst of the worst.
“Sam would never hurt me.” You sit back in the chair. “He’d never make me do anything I didn’t want to do.”
“Oh really?” She pouts out her bottom lip, turning over her iPad. “I wanna show you something.”
She swipes her fingers over the screen, pulling up a video and turning it around for you to watch.
It’s a bloodbath right from the get-go. Dean shoots a man, the overnight front desk at a shitty motel, in the back of the head at point blank range. Sam not far behind and he’s got you by the arm.
You glance up at Marlow, shifting in your seat, unsure of what you’re about to watch.
The three people on the screen are not you, Sam and Dean. They’re leviathan that crossed the country on an interstate killing spree that nearly got you all arrested. But there’s no explaining that to the detective.
Sam stops to yell something at you. The video is silent but you can see Fake Sam in your face, pointing a finger before shoving you backward violently. When you stand up and shout back at him, he slaps you across the face so hard you spin and collapse to the ground.
Fake Sam pulls you back up as you fight him, grabbing you by the hair until you have to stand on your toes. He releases your hair as one hand curls around your throat. Your mouth opens and closes like a gasping fish, clawing at his hands. Once you’re compliant, he bends you over the desk, pinning your arms above your head.
You look away, unable to keep from sneaking glances as the Sam on the screen pulls your jeans down and rapes you.
If you didn't know better, you’d think he was a monster too.
“You wanna see the money shot or should I stop now?” she asks, tapping the screen to pause the video. “Toward the end, things get even harder to watch. You must have said something to really piss him off because he...well I’m sure you remember. But he’d never hurt you right?”
The leviathans did this on purpose, it was all part of a series of calculated acts to make Sam and Dean look like the worst possible guys on the planet. It did the trick, they’re still at the top of the most wanted list.
“We’re into roleplaying,” you retort, feeling the heat of frustration rise in your cheeks.
“Yeah,” she snorts. “I bet.”
Five Years Ago
Your father’s voice brings you back, calling out of the pitch black and beckoning you back to the land of the living. He sounds the same as when he woke you up for school when you were a kid. Every morning he’d whisper the same thing; open your eyes sugar, time to face the world.
When you come to, the pounding in your head hits you like a freight train. Then the immediate overwhelming odor of alcohol that makes you want to wretch. You squish a sour face, slowly opening your eyes after a series of painful blinks.
The big guy is still there. It was no dream.
Sam is still behind the wheel, but now the car is parked in the lot of a Walgreens. He’s pouring a bottle of rubbing alcohol over his bleeding knuckles like it’s no big deal. You watch in silence as he holds his arm over the pavement and pours again until blood washes away, his hand glistens in the night air.
A minivan pulls up beside you, Sam watches carefully as an intoxicated middle aged man stumbles toward the store.  From the full moon overhead you guess it must be well into the night. You clear your throat and he looks back at you.
“You alright?” Sam asks.
He sounds half concerned and half accusatory. As if all this was an inconvenience, somehow your own fault.  Like he hadn’t thrown you over his shoulder and carried you kicking and screaming away from your dead family.
“I uh,” you shake your head. “I don’t even know how to begin to answer that.”
“Fair enough,” he nods matter-of-factly and offers you a battered hand mirror from his lap. “I took care of your arm while you were out, you might want to do your own face.”
You glance down to the bandage around your forearm. The assailant sliced you open like melted butter. Lifting the edge of the bandage you can see a series of crude stitches as you cringe.
“That’s gonna be a really awesome scar, dude, thanks,” you huff, shaking your head.  Whoever this guy is you should have known he wasn’t going to swing by the emergency room.
“You were out and you just kept bleeding. Sorry.” Sam’s tone is forced. He’s trying to remain cordial, but his non-verbals are howling ungrateful bitch.
The mirror is dirty, but clear enough to get a stomach churning look at yourself. You’re not surprised to find your right eye is swollen, a nasty shade of black. It almost looks as gruesome as the split in your upper lip. Your face inexplicably begins to throb for the first time when you see how bad the damage is.
“Here,” Sam hands you a freshly opened package of aspirin and a bottle of water. You sit in silence as you shift in your seat, wiping your eyes out of habit only to discover your cheeks are wet.
“I didn’t even know I was crying. Jesus Christ.” Your tongue darts to the cut on your lip sending a jolt of pain to every other battered part of your body. “I just, I need you to tell me what’s happening, I don’t…”
“You’re in shock, it’s totally normal after what you just went through.” He doesn’t look at you. You could be wrong but he sounds…irritated. “We can talk about the rest later, when you’re not so worked up.”
“Yeah, well, thanks for helping, or saving me or whatever that was.” You stumble to find the right words.
Sam doesn’t answer; instead he runs a hand through his hair and turns the key in the ignition.
Present Day
“She’s not talking.” Detective Marlow bites off the end of a granola bar, watching you through the one-way glass.
“Does that surprise you?”
“The Winchesters did a number on her.” Marlow’s eyes never leave you, running a hand over her jaw. “This shit we saw on the tapes is just the tip of the iceberg. She’s lived through hell, she survived with those two psychopaths the only way she knew how, she assimilated. You can’t blame her.”
“You’re probably right,” Buck nods. “Poor kid got passed around by two brothers.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” Marlow looks at Buck. “Sam Winchester doesn’t strike me as a guy who likes to share his toys. I don’t see him letting Dean anywhere near his little obsession.”
“Well, either way, she’s gonna be a tough nut to crack.” He hikes his pants up under his gut. “We opened her phone. Most of her texts have been erased, but there are a few videos on her Google Drive.”
“Videos of what?”
“Sex, sucking and fucking. Nothing out of the ordinary if Sam wasn’t a world class psycho. But watching these you’d think they were a couple of newlyweds.”
“It looks consensual?” Marlow nods. It doesn’t surprise her. After years of tracking the Winchesters and looking into your disappearance, she’s become convinced that you’re suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. It does make it harder for her to work her angle, she wants to turn you. Get you to talk and kill two birds with one stone. Put the Winchesters behind bars and rescue you from years of assault and abuse.
“You tell me.” Buck taps the screen and a series of moans float out from the speakers.
“Fuck, Sam, so good like that.” Your voice whines.
“Jesus,” Marlow takes the phone, watching a homemade porno of Sam’s face buried between your legs, two bigs hands hooked under your knees, keeping you spread open as he eats you out with unrestrained enthusiasm.
“Please,” you beg, two hands in his hair. “Fuck me.”
“Anything you want, baby.” Sam’s head pops up from between your thighs, smiling with a glistening chin as he crawls over you like a predator, thick shoulders flexing as he gets closer to the camera. “You need my cock tonight?”
“Need you so bad,” you pant, pulling him down into a kiss.
“I don’t need to see any more of this, not right now anyway.” Marlow pushes the phone away.
“That’s not even the good part.” Buck slides the video forward, stopping toward the end.
Sam’s fucking you from behind, curled over your back as you arch back to catch his mouth in a kiss. Your voice is clear as day as you mumble against his lips, “love you so much.”
“I haven’t watched them all yet, but it’s not the only profession of love on these tapes. However this started, she’s all in now. You’re gonna have one hell of a time painting her as the victim to the DA.”
--
“I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot.” The detective sits down across from you. “I understand you’ve been through more than most people would be able to handle. You don’t think you can trust me and I get that, I do. But all I want is to understand what happened to your family and what happened to you.”
“Stop trying to sweet-talk me.” You glare, clenching your jaw. You hate talking about your family. Sam’s been the only person who can get you to open up about it without falling apart.
“Help me understand why you’re protecting someone who would do such awful things to you?”
“I already told you,” you grit. “Sam isn’t this terrible guy you’re making him out to be.”
“We both watched the same thing.” She taps the iPad. “Look, no judgment from me. You’ve spent a lot of time with the guy. I think, given your circumstances, it’s natural to develop feelings over time. We can talk through this, help me understand what’s really going on here. Why are you covering for him?”
“You wouldn’t understand if I explained it to you.”
“Why? Because you love him?” she presses.
You can’t help your reaction, eyes darting up to look at her face.
You’re not entirely sure Sam is even alive right now. He was in the middle of a knock down, drag-out battle with the Devil himself when you were picked up by police. The last thing you said to you him was see you in a few and now you wish you’d picked a more profound choice of words.
“Because, it’s...complicated,” you shrug, staring at the table.
“Complicated like falling for the guy who beats you? Forced himself on you?” Her voice softens, leaning in. “You know Y/N, just because you’re having consensual sex with him now, doesn’t mean what he did to you back then wasn’t wrong.”
“Fuck,” you mutter, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks. You know full well they must have hacked your phone. You should have deleted those fucking videos. “That guy, the one who hurt that girl in the video, that wasn’t Sam and it wasn’t me.”
“Oh?” Marlow nods, sitting back in her seat, crossing arms over her chest.
“Oh?” You parrot back, sick of her condescending tone.
“I think we need to stop.”
“Why the sudden change?” Your eyes narrow, senses on high alert.
“Full transparency,” she leans forward, sliding her chair back. “I’m going to ask for a psychiatric evaluation.”
“You think I'm crazy?” You snort.
“No, I think Sam and Dean Winchester did a lot of damage. And we need to know exactly how much.”
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365days365movies · 3 years
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January 6, 2021: Last Action Hero (1993) (Part 1)
Let’s have some fun, shall we?
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Comedy is my favorite genre, and I obviously also love action. So, when looking at the subgenres to cover this month, action-comedy most certainly was at the top of the list. But what exactly is action-comedy?
Exactly what it sounds like, funnily enough. Action-comedies rely on physical action sequences to further the plot, but also inject dialogue with humor and jokes throughout the script. Entertainment and amusement combined into one beautiful, succinct package. I’ll be judging the writing for these movies on how much they made me laugh while watching it. That said...
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OK, so, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Last Action Hero. Schwarzenegger isn’t exactly the most emotionally expressive actor in the world, as you’ve probably noticed. And expressiveness is somewhat necessary to express humor. Look at Eddie Murphy up there, and see how expressive he is. Schwarzenegger...doesn’t have that. At all. But, this movie could still be funny! Shane Black wrote it, and he wrote one of my favorite guilty pleasure Halloween movies, The Monster Squad. So, I’m looking forward to this movie for that in and of itself. And with that...
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 Recap
We start with a sick guitar lick on Christmas Day, as a group of cops close in on a criminal known as the Ripper holding children hostage at an elementary school. But then...Jack Slater (played, naturally, by Arnold Schwarzenegger) arrives. And yes, this is a parody character and scene, meant to lambast all of the stereotypical renegade cop tropes that I’ve literally never seen in a movie. Like, I guess Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop have it, but I think this character concept has been Flanderized into...well...Jack Slater.
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Slater kicks a cop through a window with a Schwarzenegger-esque action line, and CRUSHES A RADIO LIKE A NAPKIN. I appreciate Schwarzenegger making fun of himself like this, and we’ve only just begun. Jack goes through banter with the Ripper (Tom Noonan), who...is unironically terrifying. Holy shit, that guy is creepy as fuck, and his stylized ax is intimidating as hell. And as he holds Slater’s son hostage out of revenge, the two face off with some cool action beats, and...
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...Shit, I think I want to watch this movie. And I don’t mean Last Action Hero, I mean the in-universe movie that our actual main character, Danny Madigan (Austin O’Brien) is watching. Danny’s a big Jack Slater fan, and one of the only patrons of a movie theater owned by Nick (Robert Prosky). Nick, a kind old man, invites Danny to see the next Slater film before anybody else. And honestly, I get it. I’d watch this movie series unironically if it existed, real talk. Mostly because it seems fun.
Danny’s skipped school just to see this movie, and he walks into his English class, where the teacher shows Lawrence Olivier as Hamlet. Fun fact! The English teacher showing it is played by Joanne Plowright, Olivier’s real life wife! Very sweet! Anyway, Danny, bored by a goddamn classic movie, conjures a different movie in his head.
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Fuck yes. I need this movie to exist. 
We learn from Danny’s mother (Mercedes Ruehl) that his father has recently died, and he spends far too much of his time watching movies at Nick’s theater. I look forward to this revelation never being explored. As he’s headed to the theater when he isn’t supposed to, he opens the door at the exact wrong time, and A ROBBER BREAKS INTO HIS PLACE, OH SHIT! Confronted with the type of real danger that he’d see in an action movie, and with no action hero to save him, the robber finds nothing of value and leaves the place. He gets rescued by the cops eventually, and they tell him to go home. But, no, he goes...to the movies.
Mom might have a point there, sport.
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While he’s there, Nick brings him in, and begins to monologue to him about his past in the theater business. And that monologue introduces the MacGuffin of the film: the Golden Ticket, given to Nick by Houdini himself, and an alleged portal to another world.
So, is this gonna be more of a Pagemaster situation, or a The NeverEnding Story deal? The Golden Ticket is torn for admission, Danny sits down, and the movie-in-a-movie begins in earnest. In the film, Slater’s cousin Frank (Art Carney in his last film role) is being held hostage by the crime boss Vivaldi (Anthony Quinn), and his henchman...one of the most immediately visually interesting characters I’ve ever seen in a film...in a FILM.
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Benedict (played by Charles Dance), is immediately a fascinating character, essentially a non-Marvel Bullseye, and a gunsman with flawless precision. And yeah...I dig it. Oh, how I dig it.
Jack Slater arrives in his snakeskin boots, and discovers Frank, who delivers a message in the cheesiest death sequence I’ve ever seen, followed by the cheesiest bomb compound I’ve ever seen, followed by a bigger explosion than anyone would’ve expected, FOLLOWED by...OK, look, the references to other action movies in this are already ridiculous and all over the place, and I refuse to spoil them all for those of you who’ve never seen this movie.
By the way, I gotta make a comment about Danny real quick. Watching this many action movies may have made him a little...detached...from reality. I say this because he expressed no shock or emotion during or after the robbery, then went immediately to the movie theater, and had no reaction whatsoever about the death of the two cops in the movie. Little budding sociopath, that Danny.
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Although, that might change, now that the ticket’s getting all magic-y, and a stick of ACME dynamite (actually in the film, I swear) makes its way into the theater. It explodes, and Danny inexplicably (magically, even) finds himself in the movie. So, Pagemaster, then.
Danny’s complete lack of reaction and emotion in this situation confirms my theory on him being a liiiiiiiiiiittle detached from reality. But then...the most gloriously stupid thing I’ve seen this month happens.
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Arnold proceeds to make a pun that is NOT “Nasty brainfreeze,” and I am disappointed forever. Who wrote this? Who wrote this?
We get a car chase fueled with jumps, gunfire, puns, a casual mention of premature ejaculation, and Coca Cola product placement, all accompanied by Danny finally showing a modicum of reaction to the fact that he is IN A FUCKING MOVIE. REACT MORE, DANNY. At his age, I would have soiled myself immediately. At MY age, I would soil myself if this happened to me! Anyway...
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OK, I just have to say this now: this movie has some of the most insane shots and set-ups that I’ve ever seen, and by GOD, I am here for it. Like...Did you SEE the motorcycle dress girl panic while a man WAS ON FIRE IN THE BACKGROUND? Earlier, a car does an INSANE jump and crash and explodes in the BACKGROUND, and the movie just treats it like a pigeon flew on set! Nobody cares! THE SCENES IN THIS MOVIE MAKE INSANITY AN ART FORM.
Anyway...we get to the LAPD, and...HOLY SHIT. IS THAT…
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Was that Sharon Stone as Catherine Trammel from Basic Instinct, and Robert Patrick as T1000 from Terminator 2? I...but...wait...if...how...I’m broken now. 404, blue screen, reboot, update needed, WHAT?!? I...just...SO many questions, and this movie better answer them.
We see some added insanity, including a man with a houndstooth suit which I DESPERATELY WANT but could not pull off. There’s literally a buddy cop generator, where we also see a rabbi cop, and an Amadeus reference is dropped as F. Murray goddamn Abraham (playing a cop named Practice) appears in this movie, and THEN...an animated cat cop sexually harasses a female cop. I am not joking.
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Am...am I insane? Also, if I was in the theaters watching this movie-in-a-movie, I would be both angry and confused as to what in the FUCK was happening!!! WHY IS THERE AN ANIMATED CAT COP IN MY JACK SLATER MOVIE? WHO DIRECTED THIS BULLSHIT (in universe)?? Also that cat was recently suspended, and is also one of their best men.
And then, Danny uses his knowledge of the Jack Slater franchise to break down the barriers of repressed affection between the chief and Slater, and it’s briefly heartwarming for some reason. Anyway, they’re now suspicious of his knowledge of Slater’s life, and this leaves to the inevitable buddy cop pairing of Jack Slater and Danny Madigan. This art-deco something walks by…
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...and I desperately need to know more about the art direction of this film. Because, wow, it is an absolute masterpiece of randomly exaggerated shit, damn.
To prove his point about being in a movie, Danny goes to a Blockbuster, which... man, does THAT bring me back! That’s right you young whippersnappers, I WAS THERE FOR BLOCKBUSTER IN THE ‘90s! We used to go to the store and look at the VHSs. I remember seeing The Lost World there, but my dad said I was too young for it. I was sad, but he got me some candy and a Really Wild Animals video, and we watched it that night after Carmen Sandiego. My God. It was paradise.
Anyway, Schwarzenegger doesn’t exist, and find out that Stallone has taken over his roles.
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...I’d watch that. I’d watch the HELL out of that. Danny then uses some legitimately impressive math to dissect the “555” number thing in movies, as well as pointing out the lack of non-conventionally attractive women. Which, credit to you, kiddo, for addressing the overwrought emphasis on conventional attractiveness that permeated Hollywood at this time, and to this day. I mean, he’s not criticizing it, but he is pointing it out, and that’s better than nothing in the ‘90s.
Danny guides his way to Vivaldi’s house, where the butler is...Professor Toru Tanaki! He looks exactly like Odd Job from the James Bond series, but the actor is SubZero from The Running Man! You know, the hockey killer!
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Anyway, after crack about Schwarzenegger’s “I’ll be back” line, a conversation with Benedict (who has a smiley face instead of a bullseye), and some terrible CGI dogs, Benedict becomes correctly convinced that something’s up with Danny. They arrive at his house, and his college-aged daughter Whitney (played by Bridgette Wilson, in her first film role in and out of the movie, in a neat little twist!) kisses Danny directly on the mouth, and I’m a liiiiiiittle uncomfortable with that. Anyway, we brush right past that, and realize that his son...died. Oh. Uh. Guess we didn’t see the end of that movie, huh? Yikes. Poor Jack.
Hey, Benedict and his gang arrive at Slater’s place! Fun! There’s a sort-of amusing play on “harming a hair on one’s head,” and the interrogation continues. Charles Dance is legitimately threatening as Benedict. And, while we’re at it, Bridgette Wilson has an entertaining action sequence all her own.
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Anyway, Jack arrives, and makes a ridiculous jump off of the balcony to pursue Benedict. Benedict name drops getting a tank, which I’m assuming is named the Chekov (film trope reference there, have a good time). Danny realizes that he’s the comedy sidekick of the movie, and at this point, I need to mention something: in case you haven’t noticed, this film is delightfully meta. And I love that about it. 
But it’s also...cluttered. You’ll see what I mean in a little bit, but real talk, I didn’t realize that Benedict had stolen the ticket until Danny mentioned it, because I was apparently quite distracted. And this is an important plot point, as Benedict soon realizes the true power of the ticket, cleverly overlaid by the opening to the Twilight Zone, with Rod Serling mentioning traveling to another dimension. Also...his eye was a bomb. What. Anyway, that explosion results in Slater officially getting fired from the department, and the chief...
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Um. Yeah, this movie is also kind of a cartoon, not including the cartoon cat. And you have no idea how much I’m omitting from this movie. The digitization of Humphrey Bogart, the fact that Slater can’t say “fuck” in a PG-13 movie, the surprising character realization that Slater’s ex-wife is actually remarried, the clearly dominatrix cop clad in leather, the fact that there’s a plan to detonate a nerve gas-infused bomb stuffed into a dead man nicknamed Leo the Fart at his own funeral, a digitization of Humphrey Bogart. Yeah, I said that last one twice, because the effect actually holds up really well, like, seriously.
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OK, let’s take a break, yeah? Part 2 later today!
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JULY PICKS!
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You heard me correctly, I said JULY! Whoosh, this year is going by fast-but not in a good way if you know what I mean. This will be my last monthly wrap up where I am strictly staying home in quarantine as this upcoming week I’m heading back to work in person. Wish me luck!
We had quite the range this month from newly released, reality, musical and then some favorites from last month that I’ve continued watching. Without further ado here we go....
There’s going to be PLENTY of SPOILERS this go round. ESPECIALLY with my first pick of Stargirl. You’ve been warned!!!
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DC’S STARGIRL
I need to talk about 1x10 or I’m going to burst!!! As stated above there will be A LOT of SPOILERS IN THIS POST!! So scroll down to the next picture if you don’t want it to be spoiled. 
You’ve been warned...again.
IT CANNOT END LIKE THAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Henry! Wow! 1) Epic fighting 2) The backstory and how he wasn’t going to give up on his dad AND THEN how he wouldn’t give into his dad. 3) HE DIED RATHER THAN JOIN HIS SIDE OR PRETEND (which I honestly felt was going to happen). His character arc and I can’t believe it’s over!!! 4) His speech at the end: *weeping.* I knew Brainwave was going to say he killed his mother. It just felt like the build up. Brainwave Jr. would have been a GREAT ADDITION TO THE JSA! AND OMG THE WAY THE REST OF THEM FOUGHT FOR HIM! I loved how they framed it so you could still see them in the back when Henry spoke to his father. Super heartbreaking. Man, it feels like a lot of people have been killed off this first season (or am I just still thinking about Joey?) 
Side note: Check out the Instagram Live between father and son Brainwave on Stargirl’s CW page. Jake Austin Walker did an AWESOME interview in his take over.
This was one of the strongest episodes overall and definitely one of my favorites so far. I agree with many others that while it is SOO GOOD and I want to rewatch it again, I don’t know if I can emotionally yet. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way about a show. 
Some other thoughts this episode: WAY TO GO BARBARA! Way to record them to translate later (such an awesome app btw, how do I get it?). I’m glad her and Pat came more to an understanding because I love them especially with that glimpse into how they met. Jordan’s parents give me the creeps, like the couple from The Visit vibes. I feel like Mike’s got to find out ASAP, especially because he’s spent time in the garage. Something’s got to show him the truth; because I’m really feeling he figures it out rather than being told. Very curious to see what his reaction will be. SOLOMON GRUNDY. Thank God Beth talked Rick down. She really is like Chuck in being the voice of reason. She did really well in the cafeteria too. While I still don’t believe Starman is Courtney’s dad, how cute was it when she put together her and Henry were cousins? Speaking of Court’s dad, who else didn’t feel like Starman was her dad until they saw that upcoming promo? I don’t know who that impostor is but he is not her dad. Something’s fishy.
Loving this show. So happy it’s renewed for a second season!! 
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THE 100
From a show I can’t get enough of to one whose final season is a disappointment. I’m not going to spend too much time talking about The 100 because I feel I’ll just be repeating myself from previous posts. However, I did want to include it because I haven’t spoken much about the previous 2 episodes that I wound up watching back to back and I didn’t overly dislike them. 
As many have complained, when you have a final season you shouldn’t introduce SO MANY new characters and just push aside your originals (or the ones who are left). You also shouldn’t include so many confusing plots that are making it look like were the main points overall (like this many world concept was around since the first grounders) and playing with time in so many episodes is hard to keep up with too. Having so many people separated makes it difficult to remember what just happened to this specific group because I haven’t seen them in forever. ANYWAY, I did promise some positives. I didn’t except to like 7x08 because of it being a flashback episode with brand new people that was just going to feel like a potential spin-off pilot. Well...I actually really enjoyed it and the concept that the bunker was used before One Crew. The characters were easy to like and it was cool seeing Allie again (and this time not as the villain). While it felt forced including the orb (is that what it’s called? If not that’s what I’m calling it), but I liked how all the other pieces fit together (ex: the flame, the grounders’ language). Honestly, I surprise myself to say this, but I’d watch another episode. For 7x09, I liked being on Bardo and watching Octavia, Echo, Diyoza and Hope slowly get “brainwashed” I mean trained. We all knew it wouldn’t work for Hope and if I was them I would rather be on Sky Ring than Bardo (but then I guess I’d go crazy, so...) I enjoy the Octavia and Levitt relationship and would love them to work out, but if this show taught you anything it’s to be skeptical. I also want to shift to the Primes plot, just to showcase John Murphy for a second. THAT MAN! What a character development he’s had on this show. From the first season where I was like come on Murphy to now me awaiting his scenes. From cockroach to someone who won’t view himself as a hero. So good and something that is fantastic about this final season. They might have forgotten about other characters, but they’re doing it right by Murphy. 
Well, that was more than I was expecting. ;)   
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THE CIRCLE
It feels like I haven’t watched a lot of reality TV this year, which makes sense because of our quarantine situation (but then again I’m watching World of Dance, but that’s a different because it’s more of a competition/dance show. I’ll stop rambling). The Circle is a reality ‘game’ show that could be easily completed during quarantine and social distancing because the contestants do not see each other in person. They each have an apartment in this complex and only communicate with each other on a social media platform called the Circle. The objective is to become the most popular and an influencer who gets power over who stays and who goes in the competition. There’s some side contests throughout, but most of the show is just people chatting through an insta messenger and trying to learn as much as they can. Alliances are formed and cat fishes try to thrive all for the grand prize of $100,000. (Wow, that’s a lot!) It is SUPER addicting and very funny. Having a voice-over narrator really makes it even funnier because she says what we’re all thinking. Just about every episode a contestant leaves and then is able to meet one other person in their apartment. It’s been cool seeing their reactions as oftentimes it’s someone they did not expect AT ALL. I can’t wait to finish it. If you’re a fan of Big Brother than this is definitely for you. Looks like there will be a second season, which I am excited about.  
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THE BABYSITTERS CLUB
Jumping from one Netflix show to another. Released on Netflix on July 3rd, I tried not to binge it all in one day because then it would be over (and we still don’t know if there will be a second season yet). This is definitely my feel good watch for July. If you want something that’s a quick watch and just wholesome and fun to escape our current world than this is for you. I always felt so happy after watching and couldn’t wait to watch another. While I was familiar with the franchise--the 90s movie and of course the books (although I was more of a Babysitter Little Sister fan, so I was very excited to see Karen), you don’t have to have any knowledge of the Babysitters Club to enjoy this show. I was hooked just about right away by this new series shown by me watching the first three episodes back to back. I really like how they set up each episode with one girl as the main focus (just like in the books) where she takes over the voice-over narration. Great representation and made modern to fit in with our current times. The first example that comes to mind is when Mary Ann babysits Bailey who is transgender. I liked how Bailey says those are her old clothes while they’re playing. It’s shown in a way that explains the situation without feeling like a lecture. It fits so naturally into the episode. And then Mary Ann’s speech at the hospital is super powerful for both Bailey and herself. This is just one example of how well represented this show is. Extremely strong cast and actresses who are the proper ages. I also love the adult casting and how they threw in a Clueless reference from Alicia Sliverstone (who plays Kristy’s Mom). As someone who is writing for this age group, I really liked hearing and seeing how authentic this show is. 
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FEEL THE BEAT
A Netflix original movie that has been on my list for a while that I just got around to watching. It didn’t come out too long ago. In the film, Sofia Carson’s character is a dancer who is a perfectionist. She gets on the bad side of a big NYC producer when she not only leaves her in the rain as she steals her taxi, but also knocks her, accidentally, off stage and becomes a viral video-this basically blackmails her in Broadway. This all happens within about the first 10 minutes of the film and the majority takes place back in her small home town (very Hallmark-like) in Wisconsin. While there her old dancing teacher wants her to share her Broadway wisdom with her young students. Meanwhile Carson has only been a chorus girl, so she doesn’t really have any. What draws her to helping the young girls is the chance to perform in front of a big choreographer that could get her to be the star she always dreamed of. The catch is that it’s the teacher dance in the childrens dance competition. While this might sound like a movie you’ve watched many times before, it was still worth it and a really fun watch. I think the kids really make the movie. They are adorable, funny and super talented. You feel connected with them really fast and want to see them succeed. I loved Dickie and how he joined the group. I think he was my favorite overall. I loved how inclusive the cast was here too (just like BSC) from a mixed race family, to single parents and even a student who was Deaf. It was great seeing the other actors sign to her. Carson’s character, April, can be annoying at times, but you understand it’s her character and something she needs to overcome. As I said before the plot may seem familiar, but the ending was something I didn’t see coming. Overall, wholesome, feel good and fun for the whole family. You can consider to watch while babysitting. (See what I did there??)  
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VIOLETTA SEASON 2
She’s back! I know last month when I included Violetta it was mainly me being excited to see the second season FINALLY streaming on Disney Plus. I had watched a few episodes (remember there’s 80 altogether, so even if I watched 20 that’s still very early on and just a dent in the season) and was still getting used to this season. Well, now I’m happy to report I am in the 40s and more than half way. For a bit I was watching many of these episodes a day, which told me that I was loving it again. Recently, I feel I need a little more of a push to watch, but it’s mainly because of certain story-lines that feel like they’re dragging. (For example: Violetta’s voice. One minute it’s fine and the next she’s like dying). For this section I have two words: LOVE TRIANGLES. And I’m not just talking about Violetta, Diego and Leon. For a bit it felt like each character had their own love triangle, which honestly I was loving. These characters have definitely developed a lot from last season, which allows this to happen. Olga was in a love triangle, which just recently got resolved. I think German is still in one because of his alter ego Jeremias. Jackie was “kind of” in one. For her it was more of a misunderstanding, which is very classic on this show. Lots more secrets have been uncovered in these episodes as well as songs! You know how excited I am for those. Overall, I think I’m still enjoying season 1 songs more (which get referenced enough in this season), but some of the season 2 ones are really growing on me. Specifically Leon’s Entre dos mundos and when he sings with Diego Euphoria in English. Also, Yo Soy Asi has been real catchy. I know Frederico will be coming back soon and I can’t wait to see him again!  
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HAMILTON
Like many I watched Hamilton this month-actually on the day it came out. It’s been a musical that I’ve been intrigued by, but never thought I’d get a chance to watch because of how popular and expensive it is to see on Broadway. So, I was very excited to hear I’d get the chance when it was to be released in theaters for a special event. Then because of Corona it was released to Disney Plus, which was EVEN more convenient and exciting. I really enjoyed it and watched it twice within the same week. I immediately downloaded the playlist and started singing it around the house. I do this a lot with many of the plays I see, but depending how good they are is shown by how long I listen to the soundtrack. (Some of my top ones are Bandstand, Once, Newsies and Anastasia.) Because there are so many songs in Hamilton it is taking me a little longer to know all the words, but I feel pretty confident with the first act. It was the perfect timing for this to be released on Disney Plus. Not only because it was July 3rd, but also because of the world we are living in. Lin’s diverse cast brings to life the world of 1776 and the revolutionary war (as well as the time after it), but it’s such a strong commentary on our world today. This is something I am continually noticing with historical dramas/pieces being released within the last 5-10 years. It feels like there’s more we can say in this genre than in a commentary piece. I also like all the analysis videos I’ve seen popping up, which just make it even more powerful. (Like it being Eliza’s story and her putting herself back in the narrative. That the play Hamilton is named for both her and Alexander.) I don’t know if all of what I see were intentional, but  either way well done. I hope it doesn’t leave Disney Plus soon. 
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1917
And lastly, 1917. I promised quite the range this month and you can see that’s definitely the case. I always enjoy watching war films and with 1917 there was so much hype (both before it came out and after) that I was interested to give it a watch. Giving the movie to my dad for father’s day felt like the perfect excuse to be able to watch it. Even though our DVD stuck in a few places (still don’t know if it was the player or the DVD itself), the film was very entertaining and I would suggest it to anyone who is a history/film buff. Taking place in WWI, we follow two British soldiers as they attempt to deliver a message about an upcoming ambush that could take countless lives. I feel that I often watch more films revolving around WWII, so it was very interesting to be immersed in the first great war. After watching I am not surprised that the film was up for so many Oscars. While cinematography is the first thing everyone discusses when it comes to this movie (and it should be because the one shot/long shot is sooo impressive and beautiful to watch. It really brings you into the scene and has a way of making you feel like you’re there too. There’s a realness to it that’s raw and new compared to other war films I’ve watched in the past), there’s so much more to this film too. First, I like how it connects back to Sam Mendes’ grandfather, so while it’s not a true story it has real facts in it. I LOVE the score and music to this film. In the scene where George Mackay runs at night through those ruined buildings I could really hear how well the music worked with the action. Because of this I made sure to listen to some of the soundtrack and now I’ve added some of the songs into my writing playlist. I have chills just thinking about it. The other point I want to bring up is the cast! While there are SO MANY big names in this film from Colin Firth to Benedict Cumberbatch, the two main characters are played by George Mackay and Dean Charles Chapman and they are the ones with the most screen time. If their chemistry and acting wasn’t so great then the movie wouldn’t be as successful as it is. Because of this I have been watching non-stop YouTube interviews of the two of them for this film. 
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They are so well-spoken, stand-up guys and I can’t get enough of their dialogues with each other and others. (You should watch these interviews too). While familiar with Chapman’s time on Game of Thrones, I haven’t seen him in much else, so I’m excited to see what he’ll have in the future (as well as checking out his IMDB page). For Mckay, I’ve seen him before when I just watched Ophelia earlier this summer so that was my first time watching him act. After that film I was curious what else he was in, but it was only after 1917 that I started doing more research. So far, I’ve only been able to watch the short film he was in called Infinite. While only 17 minutes it was very strong and deep. I highly recommend. As I’ve shared on this page already, in another post, the more I hear him talk the more of a crush I am developing. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced a celebrity crush this strong so soon. This quarantine has to end so I can make it to England to just casually bump into him like one does. :) 
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