#ignore how im posting this at 1 pm-

[fettiowi]

Always associating this advice with super sonic thank you super sonic

[nymph-ette111]

hiiiiiii!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) could you do a simon cof x sweet, feminine reader headcannons? made my own headcannons to share with you because ily and i love this prompt(⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

♡ i imagine reader and simon would go out, hes wearing the same crusty ass grey hoodie while shes dressed up all cute and pretty >.<

♡ he reeks of nicotine while she smells like neapolitan marshmallows<3 hes obsessed with her scent. he literally loves using her bodycare/haircare products over his 3 in 1 men shampoo (if he even showers that is) because he'd smell more like her.

♡ she shares absolutely everything of her purchases. she'd do little mini hauls to Simon, showcasing her new pink ballerina flats, sugarbunnies plushie she had to fight a war for in mercari, too faced chocolate bar palette, cute japanese stationary, and a lot of new clothes. Simon loves it. he loves seeing her happy. (may even buy her things he thinks she would love if he didn't have a smoking addiction<3)

♡ she doesnt only share that though she also loves talking his ears off about anything and everything<3 at first he was annoyed with her constant talking but when he spoke of it, she stopped talking so much and he got guilty and missed her overtalking. he tried to bring her spark back in talking and it worked

♡ shes compassionate and kind, understanding his struggles (but not condoning his actions) and helping him to get better. (he really wants to be saved by her but feels that he just cannot.)

♡ he really doesn't get why she's with him. Hes depressed, miserable, and difficult to be with. His low self esteem sometimes gets the best of him and he starts believing that he's not worthy of her, often leaving her on read, missing her calls, and ignoring her. (im sensing attachment issues) reader clutches w communication though :3

♡ they'd explore abandoned buildings. Simon's there to smoke blunts while readers there to get awesome fit pictures<3 they would go a long way travelling and reader the most practical girl you know has her feet hurt from walking on platforms. they either take lots of breaks or Simon just carries her on his back (unlikely)

♡ talk about taking fit pictures, Simon's technically her photographer. She has a blog where she posts fashion and besides the mirror pics, Simon's always the one taking the pictures. He's quite good at it too.

some of these headcannons probably won't work in his time but who cares(⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ) hope this prompt isnt that hard to write for..(⁠ᗒ⁠ᗩ⁠ᗕ⁠)you can always ignore if you want!! thankkkkkk you x3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxox

WARNINGS; MENTIONS OF SMOKING, MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION

AUTHOR'S NOTE; WHOEVER REQUESTED THIS JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU!!! probably inaccurate for both the character and the timeline... listen, I don't know what swedish people were up to in 2012 leave me alone. also not very happy with this, still trying to figure out how to write Simon :3

-he looks comically out of place in your room. just imagine a pastel pink room filled to the brim with cute plushies, shelves full of little trinkets and books, floral bedding and lace curtains. a wall full of movie posters, magazine pages, and little polaroids of your most treasured moments, and then there's a depressed smoke addict.

-you know those videos where it's a boyfriend sleeping in their girlfriend's girly room with a bunch of plushies on top of him? yeah, basically same situation.

-his sleep schedule is fucked up. either he pulls an all nighter or is passed out till 3 pm. when it's one of those times where Simon feels tired, you just let him sleep in your bed whilst you do whatever.

-it's also a great opportunity to gather the perfect pictures for black mailing.

-he just looks so stupid in your room I love him.

-doesn't care about your plushies but will learn to treat them nicely after you yelled at him for 15 minutes straight about how it's unacceptable to throw rilakkuma off the bed just so he could sit down.

-punches the plush when you aren't looking.

-he definitely gives you that pink hello kitty hoodie to wear. or he wears it instead so you two could match. that's probably your idea and he obliges because it's something you love and enjoy.

-really like the idea of him being your personal photographer. he's always the first to leave a like on whatever you post, especially if it's he who took the picture.

-doesn't know anyone besides you. his followings on social media just contain a bunch of his favorite bands and your account.

-a bit sad but I can see him borrowing your money (with permission) to buy cigarettes if his mother refuses to give him any. he wants to buy you stuff you might like but he's too busy spending it on his addiction :(

-he instead draws you your favorite characters so you can put it on the wall alongside your other pictures.

-has never been in the vicinity of a woman without being an awkward shit. moral of the story he doesn't know anything about girls. his knowledge of things is pretty vague, so please don't be surprised if you see him just poking around your vanity and asking a million different questions on what certain products do and why.

-his mother is very happy her son finally found a girlfriend. she approves of you and thinks you're an absolute sweetheart. always asks Simon when you will visit them again.

-you two definitely earn a few stares in public because how did such a sweet and pretty girl end up with a guy like Simon.

-it pisses him off endlessly but can't help his thoughts and feelings. thinks he doesn't deserve you or any of the kind shit you do for him.

-like nonnie said, he probably isn't the greatest boyfriend... there are times where he cancels your hang-outs without further explanation or simply doesn't acknowledge any of your calls and messages. he feels pretty shitty after it and apologizes for his behavior. you forgive him even though you both know he'll do it again.

-he is low-key obsessed with your smell, he smothers anything you have in the shower all over his body without caring what it's for, just simply reads the labels and puts it on... with big amounts. this man is making you go bankrupt. you could literally see the outline of his fingers left in the product..

-his camera is full of pictures of you, he likes looking at them when he feels down. which is pretty often.

-shows you all of his favorite places in Stockholm or even Kirkvile (where does this man live I don't get it) ones that aren't usually full of people, just overly adventurous teenagers from time to time. something tells you that you two have trespassed into private property multiple times but Simon doesn't want to answer that question clearly.

-ugh imagine clipping cute little hair clips into Simon's hair and he just lets you do whatever you want because if you're happy then he is happy and he wants to see you smile :(

-in exchange, you let him do corpse paint on your face.

[imthebestgirl]

Earth42!Miles Morales x FAB!Reader

DO NOT STEAL OR TRANSLATE MY WORK AT ALL.

Warnings! smutty (aged up miles and reader he is not a minor!!) black reader! pet names: mami, ma, beautiful, sweetheart, baby, etc. some degrading

Synopsis: Miles notices you aren’t home after a heated argument over text. He calls you to ask where you are but you don’t answer. This leads to his search and his punishments.

1:42 PM

Mami😍: Miles where you at???

4LIFER💍: Out.

Mami😍: Wym out ive been searching for you everywhere 🤨

4LIFER💍: why you worrying where I’m at mind your business that’s where I’m at stop texting me.

Mami😍: okay it’s gon be the same shit when you ask me where I’m at.

4LIFER💍: i want you to say that to my face 😂

Mami😍: okay don’t bother asking where I’m at when I’m gone 😚.

4LIFER💍: don’t worry ma I’ll know where you at.

“Mami😍 has phone on do not disturb”

——————————————

7:30 PM

Y/N’s POV

As I pulled up my skimpy dress over my thighs I heard a soft ding coming from my phone on the bed. Walking over to my bed to check who it was from it read..

MaKayKay😇: GIRLLL YOU READY??

Y/N😈💜: wait ugly im almost done 😒😞

MaKayKay😇: HURRY DAT ASS UP

—————————

8:25 PM

Miles POV

As I was getting ready to leave the stressful world of being “The Prowler” I was thinking about how I was gonna make up my rude tone in my texts with a nice old fashion loving. I get a notification from Instagram..

“ERRYBODYENVYZY/N posted!

As I watched the 3 videos that Y/N posted. I stood, stared stopping in my tracks because I knew I told her to stay at home knowing that there’s usually criminals at this time of night.

Opening my messages, I go to her number to scold her about leaving the house to go “party” outside AT NIGHT with her so called friends who obviously don’t have self respect.

—————————

4LIFER💍: Y/N bring yo ass home NOW.

4LIFER💍: Y/N I’m not gonna tell you again.

4LIFER💍: okay dont let me find you..

Mami😍: she busy rn.

Mami😍 has phone on do not disturb

—————————

Y/N’s POV

9:13 PM

I knew he was gonna be mad because I sent that text but to be honest I don’t care. He wanted to act out so I’m gonna do it back, Though the party is starting to die down I was gonna call a Uber and have my last drink.

9:22 PM

I thanked the Uber driver and got out the car. The party was short but, pretty fun and I needed to get out the house anyways. I unlocked the door thinking the house was empty. I was so wrong….

As I stood in-front of the couch Miles greeted me with a serious and if-stares-could-kill facial expression. I didn’t know what to say but sorry, almost immediately after I was gonna apologize he got up and grabbed my arm harshly.

——————————-

(Both 1st and 2nd person)

Miles grabbed the restraints out the closet where we kept the toys at I was a shriveled mess out of scarce but also slight arousal.

Miles POV

I grabbed her soft and delicate legs to spread them apart and tie them down onto the bed pillars. Repeating the same steps only with her arms ties to the bed post slightly behind the pillars.

(Bed pillars)

———————

2ND person?

“I told you to stop being dumb did I not?” Miles said with a sharp tone it was obvious he was tired cause his accent was more pronounced.

Y/N didn’t answer and only gave him a dirty look of disobedience and annoyance. But finally she answered “It was your fault anyways if you would’ve stopped ignoring my questions maybe we would be in a more comfortable position” signing her arms tied with her eyes going up to the bed pillars.

Miles annoyed and sexually frustrated he pulled her dress up slightly to reveal her absence of panties but her presence of wetness. Miles sticks the tip of his finger in her wet hole.

Y/N’s whimpers a soft “please amor” and a slight back arch moaning after miles sticks his finger further in.

“quieres otro?” Miles says quietly into her ear trailing his free hand up her neck and giving a soft squeeze.

“Yes please, more, more..” Y/N whimpers out but because of Miles anger of her disrespect towards him he pulls his finger out “beg for it mami” Miles says with entertainment of her want and need.

“Please papi..I’ll be good for you, promise” Y/N whimpers her pleads over and over until Miles finally takes out his length.

Miles spits onto her heat giving lube so he can easily slide into her wet, tight heat giving her pleasure that he knew she didn’t deserve for pulling a stunt like she did.

Miles decided to tease her by slowly moving knowing she couldn’t do anything to make him move any faster or harder.

Y/N moaned and begged “Please Miles I need it I’m sorry I won’t do it again please..” Y/N begs Miles felt remorse but still wanted a answer “What do you want mami?” Miles says in a loving tone.

Y/N answers fast with a loud “Fuck me! Fuck me! fuck me!” And Miles took the answer and pounded into her hard and fast giving her and himself pleasure.

Y/N morning and grunting and her toes curling hard and eyes rolling back. Miles let’s out a soft groan into her neck grabbing her braids while harshly pounding his tip into her cervix.

The pain and pleasure make her feel so good causing little squirts to spurt out of her and onto Miles abdomen and the soft silk sheets she just washed.

Miles grabs her hands and says “let go ma it’s okay you can cum.” As he was about to he softly yells “cum for me mami.!” And Y/N did so with him.

Miles and Y/N lays there for a minute to cool down before Y/N is untied. After Miles asks “you wanna take a bath while I wash the sheets?” And Y/N responds with a “only if you join me?” Miles softly smiles and grows a soft frown and says “don’t ever pull that shit again.”

THE. END.

i fr wrote this with my friend man I hope y’all like it and don’t come for me cause they are both ADULTS bruv.

[angelsunoo]

Can we get riki x reader argument with happy ending pls we love angst guys 😍

HI ANONNNNNN im currently on a break (or we could say inactive lolol) rn, but i could push this in!!!! I love angst too btw MY BIAS YALLLLL

+ school just started again sooo ive been really busy

ARGUMENT / n.rk.

PAIRINGS bf!riki x reader

GENRE requested, angst, fluff YUHHH

ABOUT you had an argument with your boyfriend.

WARNING swearing, argument. Reader is a bit possessive. All of these are a work of fiction. Ignore the cringe ass usernames in Twitter 😰

It was 7:30 pm. You were up scrolling thru twitter, frowning at every post that bitch made. Why the hell is she acting like Riki is her boyfriend?

You had a scowl on your face. 'Why are u so cute'.

They went on an arcade together. You audibly scoff. He declined your offer to go out with him just to be with that?

Honestly. That's ridiculous. Maybe I should unfollow her. She doesn't deserve my follow.

While you were thinking about ways to murder her, you were unaware that someone just arrived home.

"Hey, Y/N. " you jolt, nearly throwing your phone in the air.

"What the fuck.. " you curse out, placing your hand on your heaving chest. "Don't you know how to knock?" Your eyes widen. You didn't expect to sound so harsh.

"Oh, sorry if I surprised you." He rubs the nape of his neck. Your frown deepens. That's all he has to say? Ugh.

"You went to the arcade with Lei?" You crossed your arms, still with frown displaying your face.

He doesn't answer for a while, he was pulling out the tickets he earned from playing. He got a cute plushie too.

"Uh . Yeah." He casually says, still not giving you eye contact.

"Riki, look at me."

He looks at you with a confused look. "Why do you sound mad? Did I do something wrong?"

"Yeah. You did." You roll your eyes. Wow, does he really not see what's going on?

"What did I do?" He approaches you. He places his hands on your arms. In attempt to soothe you.

You backed away, causing him to let go of you, while your arms remained crossed. "You chose her over me."

"What do you mean?" He asks, with confusion. "Are you jealous I went out with her?" He shoots you a playfull grin, that was quickly removed by your hard glare.

"I'm not joking, riki." You cross your arms. Can't he read the room. You were genuinely upset, and it made you more upset that he failed to notice it. He doesn't respond, and stashed his tickets in a drawer.

"Hello???" You call out, peeking over to what he's doing. "Stop ignoring me asshole."

"What? I'm the asshole?" He glared back at you. Your eyes widen.

"Oh! So you're the one who's mad now." Your tone was a bit higher and harsh. He turns to you, mimicking your actions from earlier, crossing his arms.

"Literally, give me a break Y/N." He says, "She's just a friend. Why do you worry so much?"

"Excuse me? I'm no way near 'worried'." You retort, making air quotation marks with your fingers. "I'm just upset you declined my offer to go out!"

"Oh, then fucking swallow your pride and accept the fact I said no to you! You can't stand it it when someone refuses you, can you? You're being all bitchy to me this late at night." He raises his voice, his tone now also becoming harsher. "She's just a friend. Please don't make me say it again.." He walks away angrily. Leaving you in shock. You didn't mean it that way.

You're just....

"Riki! Come back here!" You shout. He doesn't reply and slams the door behind him. You feel water start to form around your eyes. You never seen him this furious to you.

Now you worry how you're going to sleep at night without his warmth radiating beside you on your bed.

You could barely sleep at night. Why?

Well...

1. You couldn't sleep without him

2. You feel guilty for being a total bitch last night.

3. You are worried of where he might have gone. Did he go to his friend's place? Where did he sleep?

4. Your worried on how your going to talk to him the next day.

This is bad.

Maybe I should text him?

You open your phone, a bit hesitant to text him. You were really ashamed of what you did last night.

Maybe I should just talk to him in school.

You arrived in school, nervously tapping your foot on the smooth marble floor.

Your eyes searched for him.

"Oh riki..." you whisper, your tone being impatient.

After a few minutes of waiting, you finally spotted him, walking with his older friend, Jungwon.

You suddenly feel shy to approach him, the image of his angry face still stuck in your mind made you feel so guilty and ashamed.

You realized your mistake. You shouldn't have been too dramatic yesterday. Riki can hangout with anyone he likes.

But to admit, his words kind of hit you too.

You gave up the idea of talking to him. You feel to ashamed to face him.

Riki on the other hand, is dying to see you again. He misses your embrace and your kisses.

He felt really bad for what he said and he wanted to apologize. He saw you earlier, you looked somewhat nervous? He was going to approach you but you just suddenly left. He thought you didn't want to see his face.

"Yo Riki!" He turns to see who called him, it was jake.

"Oh hey hyung." He said. Jake raises his brow, a bit confused with riki's unusual attitude.

"Hey, what happened?" Jake asked, caressing riki's back slowly.

"I.. I had a fight with Y/N. I said really mean things to her and now I don't think she wants to talk to me," riki says so nonchalantly, but in actuality, he wanted to scream and cry right on the spot.

"Well, you should talk to her," jake says, and riki rolls his eyes.

"Are you serious? I literally told you she didn't wanna talk to me."

"Nuh-uh! You said 'I think'. So means you're not sure if she wants to talk to you or not."

"It's just that... It could've gone a different way. Maybe If i didn't scream at her then maybe she wouldn't be mad at me?" He says unsurely, not knowing what to do. He misses you so much and just wished he was hugging you right now.

It was lunchtime, you said to your friend that you can eat alone. You placed your food tray with a heavy heart.

Sigh.

"Gosh, this day can't get any worse." You mumble, feeling no apetite to eat your food.

While you were busy playing with your food, you didn't know that someone sat infront of you.

"Hey, y/n. " you removed your gaze from your food to look who just sat infront you.

"O-oh! Riki..what you doing here?" You say trying to act casual, but he was able to see right through you.

"Why? Can't I sit with my girlfriend?" He playfully smirks at you, once he saw your red and flustered face.

God, y/n. Why are blushing at that?

"You've been playing with your food," he points out, "why don't I feed you, hm?"

You knew by his tone that he was teasing, and decided to play along.

Finally, he's yours again— I mean-! He has always been.

..

The end

[akihatohnoofficial]

r/akihaowners

A place for questions and conversations about owning and caring for your Akiha. For photos and videos, check out r/akihas.

14.7k masters | 19 online | Top 5% ranked by size

Posts sorted by hot

===

Topic: [Adopting] Where to Boy Akihas

u/throwaway5318008 posted 3 hours ago:

Hey guys i'm looking to buy an Akiha, but i'm a college student so i don't have a lot of money right now. how cheap can i get one for?

EDIT: BUY I MEANT BUY. FUCK I CAN'T CHANGE THE TITLE.

u/charzardass replied 2 hours ago:

Fellow boy-Akiha enjoyer detected ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) A man of culture, I see.

If you want one for cheap and don't mind buying used, check your local Facebook marketplace or Craigslist. I've been lucky enough to get several for under $50 ea. Happy hunting!

u/pm-me-akiha-titties replied 3 hours ago:

If you're a college student, the cost of buying an Akiha isn't your biggest concern. You'll need to pay for routine veterinary care, clothing, a cane (many cheap Akihas won't be sold with a cane), enrichment (Akihas don't like being left alone! What are you going to do when you're in classes?), and, of course, food? The Akiha Care Guide provides an estimate of monthly expenses for Akiha raising.

| u/throwaway5318008 (OP) replied 2 hours ago:

| Yeah i live in a dorm but its a single so i dont have roommates. And i was thinking she could just hang out in my apartment while im in class? And i can bring back food from the dining hall. So i dont think she really needs clothes or whatever if shes in my room the whole time.

|| u/knightyknight replied 1 hour ago:

|| yeah OP you can ignore that simp. some people love to spoil and coddle their akihas and then warn eeeeeeveryone how expensive they are. well of course they're expensive if you treat them like people.

|| anyways I have a buddy who's an akiha breeder so I get mine for dirt cheap. you can always try to find a breeder in your area and offer to buy the dams off them once they stop being fertile -- they'll usually sell them for next to nothing to clear up space for the next young dams. ===

Topic: [Advice] How to make less noisy?

u/SmolTaterTot posted 7 hours ago:

Hi folks. I recently bought an Akiha, and I love him to pieces! The only problem is... I don't think I was prepared for how noisy they can be. Mine's always meowing and moaning and whining all day and night. I've read the FAQs, so I tried hitting him when he wakes me up in the middle of the night, but he hasn't stopped. Any advice?

u/himejooooooshi replied 5 hours ago:

UNGRATEFUL [huffy face][huffy face] being whiny and needy is an Akiha's charm point

u/ArrowToTheNiichan replied 7 hours ago:

You done goofed. You clearly aren't giving him enough attention since he's crying all the time, so hitting him (i.e. giving him attention) when he wakes you up is just encouraging the behavior. Go back and RTFM again, specifically the part about behavioral conditioning.

But it's true that Akihas tend to be pretty loud no matter what. Some vets can remove the vocal cords for you if it really bothers you that much, but insurance won't cover it. Good luck.

===

Topic: TIFU by getting a "friendly" pair of akihas

u/sirtwixalot posted 12 hours ago:

I read that akihas need attention and get lonely easily, but they can also be intimidated by unfamiliar akihas, so I decided to buy a pair of akihas from the same breeder so that they could keep each other company.

I got them Friday afternoon, and they spent Saturday and Sunday grooming each other and wrestling together. One of them calls the other "nee-san," and the other calls the first one her "puppy." So they seemed to be getting along really well. I wasn't even having the problems with them refusing to bathe or eat that I hear sometimes happens with akihas. So I thought they seemed like really good companions for each other.

Then on Monday.... I went to work and left them at the house.

When I came back... I think I'd be banned if I described what I saw.

Imagine if a jar of mayo exploded all over a bed.

Sooooooo TIFU.

u/himejooooooshi replied 9 hours ago:

No problem detected... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

u/SmolTaterTot replied 10 hours ago:

DUDE

u/ArrowToTheNiichan replied 11 hours ago:

Does no one actually read the FAQs before they buy one of these things anymore?

u/charzardass replied 11 hours ago:

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

===

Topic: [Advice] How to beat an Akiha in a one-on-one basketball game?

u/Point_Me_@_The_Sky posted 2 hours ago:

[academiawho]

im also giving my 12th boards this year, and i see posts on my dash all the time. please share advise on how to remember what i studied for physics and chem please

btw, all the best <3

Hello! While I graduated 12th grade a while ago, I'm happy to see you in my ask box.

Here goes the tips I used and some I tried to imbibe for smooth sailing in boards:

1. Focus on previous papers: I'm of the belief that if you do something enough times, you are bound to remember it in time of need. I revised a lot of my senior's papers (I ignored the questions/topics from the deleted syllabus to save time) and my prelim papers, all sets. It ended up helping me because the examiners lose shock value if we prepare all the questions their mind has been wanting to print.

2. NCERT: Have someone explain it to you if you are not able to decipher it. NCERT is not as comfortable to read and retain as ICSE books like Selina, Viraf Dalal etc. So it is imperative that you understand the meaning or motive behind NCERT's topics. Teachers should be of good help in this matter.

3. Supplementary sources: Youtube is fine to understand concepts, but I've seen a lot of my peers (and at a point, myself) make it their personality and their only study source. Please try not to if you have a healthier alternative available (like tuitions, extra classes, coaching). Do not run behind extra books like HCV, DC, ABC, Elementary for your boards. It doesn't really help for subjective examinations.

4. Formula sheets: Especially for Optics, Physical Chemistry and Genetics (rarely). Make them, whether as a rough copy, or a rote learning session, or a paper with tricks. But revision of that sheet is a must.

5. Parkinson's Law: "Parkinson's Law is the old adage that work expands to fill the time allotted for its completion." Basically, a task will take up as much as time as you plan it in. Revising Modern Physics will take near 30 minutes if you think it will take 30 minutes. But if you think it will take a full day, then it shall. So plan wisely and have confidence in yourself to make that work.

6. And lastly but by no means the least: Practice writing the paper. It may seem silly to think that sitting down with a sheet similar to the actual answer booklet, attempting a paper with the seriousness of the actual exam, may be tedious. However, it is more useful than it is tedious. It resolves any anxiety regarding appearing in the exam.

If you need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to ask me in my ask box or via pm or in my posts. All the best!

[the1975attheirverybest]

ignore this if you want to but basically last thursday was a bit of an awful morning that ended up with me missing my first lecture of the day, sat in bed crying and then bailing on going out to the pub and ignoring everyone which ended up being quite nice. i cant actually remember what i did over the weekend other than not work and then monday was okay like i went to the library and somewhat organised myself but got distracted as i ended up meeting up with friends and then buying wine from tescos do do a greek lit reading night which was fun but really overwhelming (i also dont actually like wine that much) but then tuesday as much as i got out of my flat i then did actually nothing all day and it made me feel awful and then yesterday i dont think i properly got out of bed until 5pm and ive just felt a bit horrific because i feel like im failing academically, ive not been eating properly at all and i kinda just hate myself and i kinda just want to go home but i dont really have the time and i feel like it would just make everything worse when i come back. i also git into a slight argument with a couple of home friends because i sent some a selfie of me as a reaction to something that was said and got a how are you still in bed (i think it was gone midday at that point) and i said ive been trying to will myself out of existence (which in retrospect does sound fucking stupid but i was being sincere) and got basically omg same in response which pissed me off. i then later send some matty related meme which got some form of light-hearted response along the lines of being insane and i then went on a bit of a tirade about how you dont know how mentally ill i actually am and the response kinda was yeah were worried but dont know how to show it lol which again kinda annoyed be given that i have been a mediator to a lot of their quite serious relationship issues but then got a bit of a more sincere response after but i didnt read it properly and havent really said anything bar sending a tiktok because i dont want to have to address me being a bit of an immature dick so now i feel kinda isolated because im not close enough to any of my uni friends to be like hey im having a bit of a crisis can you make sure i actually eat real meals and maybe even force me to the shops to buy food - 🐸

Hey,

I need you to listen to me and know that I am being 100% serious. I don’t think any of this was immature or dickish. Cuz, like, I don’t know. I’ve been in situations where I’m having a bad depressive episodes and when I can finally muster the courage or energy to tell someone about it, I’ve gotten “mood” or “same” in response. And it’s kind of hard because no not “same” you’re not just having a bad day or feeling sad about something like a bad grade on a test or something. You’re literally struggling with an illness. That, on top of getting a comment about not getting out of bed on time when you’ve already been beating yourself up about it is hurtful. Your feelings are totally valid.

Of course, they don’t know that / didn’t mean to hurt you. They thought they were just making a simple comment. But that doesn’t mean you should trivialize how you feel about it.

Maybe once you’re feeling a bit better and more clear headed you can talk to them about how best to support you in moments like this?

In the meantime, I’m happy to force you to go to the shops. What, is it like….1 pm UK time right now? You have until I’m done teaching for the day. Like, 4 hours from now. I better come back on here and see that you’ve gone to get something for a home cooked meal. Otherwise I won’t post what I wanted to post tonight hahaha. No but for real. Do check in and tell me that you went. Mental illness is gross. You’re doing the best you can. He gentler with your brain.

[kateybuggi]

I’m 100% working on it, I’m gonna yap a bit so im taking this out of the tags LOL

so, I’m about a chapter into my Au or whatever the hell you wanna call it, but every time I reread it I hate the way I characterize chaos (oops) and he’s a big part of it- it’s how Romeo comes back!!

More on the chaos plot: basically chaos realizes that someone outside of the people who should be able to (him and Asuka) tampered with the backyard. So he does some digging, and discovers Romeo, who is stuck in this limbo since he can’t really be dead due to the missing backyard ID. Chaos finds this interesting, thinking it would make for a good plot, and he brings Romeo back. Once he’s alive again, Romeo only wants one thing, the preservation of both himself and Delilah. He strikes a deal with Chaos after realizing his magic doesn’t work anymore due to change in medium (dream magic would be different than awake magic in my mind).

All of that to say, Romeo barely trusts Chaos, using the fact that he brought him back as leverage in his mind to say Chaos won’t significantly harm him. The deal is Romeo gets freedom and gets to learn magic from chaos in exchange for following along with Chaos’ whims if Chaos wants him to (similar to Nago and Chaos but Romeo is more willing since he is benefitting).

After the two strike their deal, Romeo is teleported by Chaos close to where Delilah is, and the two reunite at 6:06 pm (the time Romeo loves to appear at :3) while Baiken and Anji are off doing something, leaving Delilah alone (I haven’t decided what. Probably a date or something) the two have their happy reunion, both siblings crying in each other’s arms. They get their reunion, but not long after that Baiken and Anji come home, whom Romeo almost attempts to shoot (I think it’s really funny to think that chaos gave him a gun to use until his magic is back in full swing. LOL). Delilah clarifies who they are, and that they’re protecting her and caring for her. Romeo calls bullshit, and tries to drag Delilah away, ignoring his own logic based beliefs (he’s being impulsive because he is so damn paranoid about them hurting Delilah like Ariels did to him). It’s Delilah that manages to convince him that she is safe. She also tries to get Romeo to stay with them, but he refuses, and leaves, saying he’ll be back every other day to check up on her (and he does, and one of the times while he’s checking up on her he runs into Sin and the Valentines, chaos ensues).

This is like. My main plot for chapters 1 and 2. I have done the stuff with introing Chaos but my new idea (what’s here) honestly seems wayyyyy better than what I had before (very little preamble just Romeo’s back!!!) I will try to remember to post updates, either on this thread or my main blog, I need a tag for this au, I haven’t thought of a name yet LOL

ANYWAYS. whoever read the whole thing THANK YOU!!! It helps to get my words out like this to actually formulate ideas. 🫶

This was more au focused than character study kinda like the other stuff, but I hope it’s what you were looking for and is interesting :3

has anyone written about what Romeo and Delilah's existence/interactions in the Backyard was like before she got lost?

[roosterscockpit]

His Little Girl | Bradley Bradshaw x reader P.5

click here to see the master list

Hey babes, I'm sorry if my last part and this part are a little boring. I promise they'll start to get juicy. It's just the beginning! But again, I always love to thank you all for reading my story! I love you all 💕 Happy reading!

ps I may or may not be doing a double post day, keep your eyes peeled 😉

A/n: This is an introduction to Austin. I may or may not have been heavily influenced to base him off of Austin Butler... so have fun with that 😭.

Word Count: 2.4K

Warnings: cursing, little angst, lots of gushy feelings 🥺 (I think that's it, let me know if I missed anything)

y/n/n: your nick name

Please don't take my work, I will find you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mav pulled back from the hug and rubbed your cheek, “Y/n/n. I haven't talked to Bradley for about the same amount of time as you.” He grabbed your hand. “Im not asking you to fix anything for me. I have to do that on my own, but for you. I think you should go see him and patch you guys.” He rubbed his thumb over your hand. “You two were inseparable for so long and I know how much you both meant to one another.” He pressed his lips together and smiled.

You looked at Penny and she also put her hand on your hand along with Mav’s. She smiled at you and nodded agreeing with Mav. 

Y/n: “what if he doesn’t even remember who I am? Or just ignores me?” You were sad. “I mean he’s already done it for 7 years.” You looked down at all your hands together.

Penny: “I think you should give him the chance to at least explain that.” She rubbed your arm.

You looked at the both of them and stood up. “I can’t do this right now, not during my daughter's birthday.” Then you walked away.

As you walked away, they looked at you with defeat. Mav was scared you wouldn’t talk to him in the little time he possibly had. 

Penny: “Do you think she will talk to him?”

Mav: “I really hope she will, this could be it for y/n.”

It was now 11 PM and everyone started to leave. You all start to clean up the deck so you could bring your little princess home. Mav was holding her while she was starting to fall asleep. He was rubbing her back and rocking her while he sat on a chair in the sand. You all finished cleaning up the deck so Penny wouldn’t have to worry about it during closing. 

You went over to Mav and brushed your daughters very messy curly hair out of her face. You brought your car around the side so you could load all the presents and extra decorations into the back of your jeep. You didn’t want to have to keep walking into the bar because 1. It was super busy. 2. You were wearing a costume. And the BIG number 3: Bradley. Once you finished loading your car, Mav placed Leia in her booster seat in the back of your car and gave her a kiss on her head. He then came over to you and gave you a hug and thanked you for letting him meet Leia. 

Y/n: “You can come and see her anytime Mav.” Mav was like a dad to you. He always took care of you and Bradley when you were in college. He always made you feel at home and never alone. 

You hugged Penny and thanked her for letting you used the back deck. She let you know she was going to come over in the afternoon to bring Leia her gifts. 

Billy and Bri rode to the house together, so Austin offered to stay back with you so you weren’t alone. Austin offered to drive knowing you were probably super tired. You accepted the offer you guys drove off. On your way out of the parking lot you saw a familiar figure out by his blue bronco with some of the other naval aviators in uniform. Your heart dropped. You looked down at your feet hoping he wouldn’t see you. As you guys drove by, you looked through the window slightly. You saw Bradley turn his head in your direction and you leaned back in your chair. You looked at him again as you went right next to him. He was staring at your car the whole way out. Right before your car left the parking lot he finally returned to conversation with the group he was with.

“Shit.” You whispered under your breath. Surely he couldn’t have known it was you. You had got another car since the last time he saw you. Your own head was just playing tricks on you. 

You and Austin finally arrived at yours and Bri’s house. Billy’s car wasn’t anywhere to be found. So it made you nervous. You didn’t know how to be with Austin alone. You barely even knew the dude. You were so awkward, you wanted to sit in the car until Bri and Billy got there. But then he reached over and placed his hand on your arm and rubbed it. He turned off your car and you were surrounded in pure darkness. You looked over to him, but it was far too dark to see him. 

Austin: “I can grab Leia and bring her in if you’d like?” It was dark, but you could feel him looking at you.

Y/n: “That would be nice, so I can start unloading the car. Thank you, Austin.” You patted his hand on your arm.

You heard shifting and then the car door opened. Austin got out of the car and opened the back passenger door to get Leia out of the car. You got out of the car and waited for them. He was carrying her like a baby. Her head rested on his chest. Your daughter was kind of tall for her age, she has her dad’s height, but she looked small when Austin was holding her. You wondered if she would look like that in Bradley’s arms. You started to smile, that would be really cute. You snapped out of it when you heard the car door slam and he started to walk up the drive way to the front door. 

You ran passed them and opened the door for him. He walked into the house and you turned on the light. 

Y/n: “Can you bring her into the first room on the right please.” You gave him a light playful push towards Leia’s bedroom door. 

He nodded at you, “Gotcha, first room on the right.” He brought your daughter into her room. 

You started to bring in her toys and put them in her room. Austin came out and started to help you put the extra decorations into the garage. After you finished you invited him in. You offered him to go into the refrigerator or pantry and help himself. You brought yourself into your room and cleaned up. You changed to some comfortable clothes and brought out some of your oversized clothes for Austin. You walked out and Austin was looking in the refrigerator with his hand up to his chin looking like he was making a very important decision. You laughed and he looked over. His eyes were wide as he looked you up and down. His eyes met yours and he smiled.

Austin: “Hey.” He closed the refrigerator. 

Y/n: “I brought you some of my biggest over sized clothes if you’d like to change out of your very realistic Darth Vader costume.” You put your hand out holding the clothes and smiling.

He laughed, “Thank you, y/n. But did you think I was naked under here?” He raised his eyebrows. He took the pair of sweat pants only. “Thanks.” He winked at you.

Y/n: “Well… no. I know you’re not! I’m just offering some clothes…” You started to trail off.

He laughed and walked to the couch. 

You blushed you could feel the heat coming off of your cheeks. Jesus, of course he wasn’t naked under there. He started to take off his suit in front of you and he looked at you and chuckled. You stood there awkwardly and then went to the pantry. Trying to give him his privacy. You looked out the corner of your eye and you could see his tight white shirt that exposed his pecs, abs, muscular back and arms. You bit your bottom lip and looked back into the pantry trying to distract yourself, but you were already imagining him naked under the costume… or at least now you were wishing he was. 

He walked over to you. “Well the sweats are a little high but they’ll do.” He said while looking down at them.

God he looked hot. Some strands of his what was nicely fixed hair now falling loosely over his forehead and face. He looked up to you and chuckled. You looked at his ankles and they were exposed. You laughed but covered your mouth remembering your daughter was asleep. He put a finger over his lips and gestured the “shhhhh” sign while smiling. The two of you looked through the pantry and refrigerator to find something to snack on. Luckily, after no luck Bri and Billy arrived with some tacos. They went to go change out of their costumes.

You and Austin ate a couple of tacos. The two of you sat on the couch and you turned on The Mandalorian while you waited for Billy and Bri to come out. Austin pulled you close into him so now he had one arm around you and you had your back against his side. 

Austin: “Is this alright, y/n?” He looked down at you and was smiling.

You looked up at him and nodded, “Fine with me.” You felt good to be in someone’s embrace. His smell was intoxicating as it filled your nose. You closed your eyes taking it in. 

Billy: “Are you two decent? I don’t want to see someone eating tacos off the other or something.” He’s a very blunt guy. No shame in anything he says.

Austin called over to Billy, “You missed us eating tacos off of each others abs 20 minutes ago. You’re good, man.” He chuckled into your hair. “I’m really sorry about him, darlin. He can be a bit much.” He whispered into your ear.

You turned your head slightly so you could see him from the corner of your eye, “Don’t worry about it. I’ve known Billy for the last 6 years. I’ve learned he is no man to be ashamed of anything he says.” You felt Austin sigh into your hair. He wrapped his arm tighter around you.

Bri and Billy finally came out and you threw a pillow at Billy. He looked at you with a pissy face. You put your finger to your lips signaling him to shut the hell up. He put up his hands in confusion.

Y/n: “My daughter is sleeping in that room. Don’t be loud about us eating tacos off of each other.” You felt the vibration coming from Austin as he laughed against your back.

Billy shook you off and made his way to the Tacos. He brought them to the couch for him and Bri to eat. They joined you and Austin to watch the show.

You started to doze off and you felt Austin shifting around. He was now laying down. He put his arms out for you to lay with him. You laid next to him, But propped your head up on your hand so you could watch the show. 

Austin: “Are you tired?” He whispered into your ear.

You nodded your head. He moved your hand from under your head and patted his chest for you to lay. You laid on his chest gently. You could hear his heart rate speed up. “Then go to sleep. I’ll be here.” He kissed your head lightly.

His heart rate started to slow down. It was so therapeutic to listen to, so comforting, he was so warm, soft, your body fit perfectly next to his. You felt so at home and safe. Then, after 10 minutes you finally fell asleep. 

Austin moved around so you could lay comfortably. He looked at your sleeping face and smiled. He brushed some hairs out of your face. He tilted your head up so your face could face his. You were such a site to look at. He could look at you all day and all night. He felt so comfortable with you and he hasn’t even known you for a full day. He watched as your shoulders would rise and fall with every breath you took. He watched as your eyes twitched, felt how your body was so relaxed and how your heart was beating against his side. He was in awe with you. He put his hand up to catch Bri’s attention. She looked over at him.

Austin: “Can you bring us a blanket? I don’t want her to be cold.” He asked in barely a whisper.

Bri nodded and went to go get a blanket from your room. She laid it over the two of you and returned to lay with Billy. Austin pulled the blanket over your shoulder and he wrapped his arms around you. You slightly stirred and moved up his chest more but were still asleep. Your face slightly in his neck. He could feel your breath against him. It sent goosebumps all over his body. He kiss and whispered onto the top of your head, “Good night, Darlin.”

You woke up at 3 AM. You were confused as to where you were. It was dark, but as your eyes adjusted you could see that you were still cuddled up with a now sleeping Austin. There was a blanket from your room on the two of you. You looked over and could slightly see that Bri and Billy were asleep too. Well you knew they were because Billy had a slight snore. You looked at Austin and as much as you wanted to stay this way, you didn’t want your daughter to wake up and see her mom cuddled up with some stranger on the couch. You had an example to set for her. So you set an alarm for 7 AM to wake you all up so Billy and Austin could leave before Leia could get out of bed. After setting the alarm, you cuddled back up to Austin. Listening to him breathe, feeling his chest raise and fall underneath your face and feeling the warmth radiating off of him. You were listening to his slow heartbeat once again. He readjusted so he could be even closer to you. He wrapped his arm back around you and his hand rested on your waist. You put your hand on his chest and his free hand followed yours. You closed your eyes.

Austin gave your hand a slight squeeze, “Good night, y/n.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get ready for the double post day! It's right around the corner 🥲 I hope you are all enjoying the story so far. Enjoy the calm before the storm, besties. Because its coming hard 😭

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[1bringthesun]

have any of you read “Dancing Girl?” gosh, it just made me sad. Mori Ougai is a really good author haha, hahaha. hah… h-

.

..

…

yeah i’m relating this to bsd! Mori. BITE ME!! ahem. so in this essay i will be talking about Elise and Mori’s relationship. i’ve already established i don’t see her as his “wife” or the object of his sexual desires, and i’ve also mentioned i like the “Elise is his daughter,” way of seeing things, however … well, there’s more than just that.

1) Elise represents his inner child

2) Elise preserves the memory of a dead lover and is his “partner”

3) Elise is a child-figure to him

those numbers will be reused in that order to mean the same thing later, but first, background and “Dancing Girl!”

so i think that, within the definition of his and Elise’s relationship, Mori embodies Toyotarou from “Dancing Girl” more than Kanei from “Vita Sexualis” (i think i learned which type of media went in italics and which sort in quotes some time in third grade, but it’s been entirely too long and therefore i’ve forgotten all of it and you’ll have to excuse my poor grammar if im messing it up). why, you may ask? well, first of all, Elise is literally from that novel. second of all, i’ve just skimmed vita sexualis (- an asexual) while “Dancing Girl” managed to catch my attention a lot more. plus, Mori was one of the characters that Asagiri explicitly stated he wanted to add in, and we all know just how evil Asagiri Kafka can be when he feels like it.

… why is the space so long ? why are these spaces different sizes?? this is really bugging me … but whatever, i’ll try my best to ignore it … (nevermind it looks perfectly normal when i post it i guess it’s just a. draft thing)

ahem, so, in “Dark Era,” Mori basically goes “damn Dazai you’re suicidal as hell! you remind me of myself hahah!” and i feel like that’s pretty concrete evidence Mori Did Not have a happy childhood (i mean, duh, considering he was trigger-happy to friendly fire as an important military man at 20 some years old) and was likely suicidal in the past too, to some extent. in that sense, the chains that tie Dazai down, if they’re Odasaku’s last words, are the Port Mafia for Mori. he cannot die as long as he’s sane and capable of leading the PM, because he’s basically the very embodiment of it.

⚠️SPOILERS FOR “DANCING GIRL!”⚠️

alright, onto “Dancing Girl.” i’ll give you a quick rundown. it’s basically about this college dude (25 or so) (haha that reminds me of the, “am i the asshole?” posts. i (M26) just fell in love with a girl (F18) of whom i’ve known since she was a minor and i was still an adult. i got her pregnant by some time after she became of-age, then i left her to pursue my career. am i the asshole?) (godamn it tai you just spoiled the whole novel) (i’ll put a spoiler warning up somewhere in the beginning) (bear with me) with depression who falls in love with a… looks at the parenthesis and sighs deeply.

he doesn’t see any point in anything because his life was just a glorified projection of his mother and school’s desires, so he starts being a little more hedonistic and learning about the arts instead of becoming a lawyer like they wanted him to. he meets Elise (her name) and basically immediately feels attracted to her in some way he can’t put into words (she’s 17ish when they meet btw) and starts teaching her things and basically acting like a sponsor to her. they don’t start getting romantic and/or sexual until some unsaid period of time passes. now i personally choose to interpret this as her turning 18 before they do all that stuff, but since it never explicitly says, well… yeah. Toyotarou is used to living his life in a cushy-ish manner as a child prodigy and what have you, but he eventually gives that away to live with Elise. that being said, his “giving it away” was less of a choice to be with her and more of a digression from a perfect machine into a person with his own stunted feelings.

she makes him satisfied, and he makes her very deeply happy, but eventually he chooses his career over her and she goes crazy because of how betrayed she feels- she really deeply loved him, after all. he pays her mother enough to keep her afloat and to take care of the baby he left in her stomach, and went back to Japan without another word. Toyotarou! you bastard!! (it’s not like he was without remorse, though)

anyway back to the numbers.

1) Mori’s past is pure speculation, but he was a military doctor ranked quite high as a very young man, one that didn’t hesitate to shoot someone on his own side no less (like i said) so it’s probably a given he didn’t have a stress-free childhood. this is an excerpt from “Dancing Girl,” in which i think explains the possibility that Elise represents the angry child inside of Mori that he never got to let out as a real child.

2) given what i said above, this also feels pretty self-explanatory. we basically only know two things about Mori, that he would do anything for the greater good (which is usually the PM/yokohama), and that he longs for a “partner” who will understand and not leave him. it’s possible Fukuzawa filled that role for a while, but Mori is a little unhinged and did some bad things out of obsession, which severed their ties because of Fukuzawa’s innate nature. Mori has called Elise his partner (tsuma, AKA person who stays by my side) (i know nobody says tsuma and means it that way but considering “Yatsugare san” exists (yes i’m looking straight at you, AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE), i wouldn’t put it past Asagiri to use tsuma in that manner) before and acts dramatic as all hell when she dies. it’s almost like … someone called Elise really DID die before?

3) this requires the least explanation. we already know Mori likes children in a non-pedo way, shown by things like how he helped Atsushi gather his courage in Anne’s room (which did nothing for him, btw) and his profession in the beast AU. but what sort of mafia don has a cute daughter?? that’s like ASKING for her to be killed. so Elise, the product of Vita Sexualis, is the next best thing he can have!

Elise also is a lot like the Toyotarou, while Mori acts more like Elise when they’re together. it’s just something i noticed watching the two interact in BSD and DG. the whole idea of having no autonomy is kinda Elise’s (BSD) thing, isn’t it?

my phone is now 20% and i have no charger. i have probably 69 viruses and also since i have apps like tiktok, wechat, and discord… you can imagine how much this poor device suffers, but i regret nothing. yahoo! hope you enjoyed my rant~

[leggyre]

EDIT: im doing better as of now! Can't really say for sure how long that will last, if it does, but I've managed to get quite some support from people so I think if I break down again it might not be as bad. I do appreciate everyone's thoughts but pms basically has me on a leash at times. i'm keeping this post up and pinned because, considering how long it took me to reach out to just anyone, deleting it would be a huge step back.

thanks for being here 🐇

heylo everyone.... im not sure if anyone's noticed the sudden drop in activity from me during the past two weeks, but that's not important, just related.

this post is going to have a little bit too much information, and i will discuss the heavier topics related to my depression, so make sure youre in a safe state of mind when you consider reading it.

readmore goes here, but new post editor only makes them work once in a blue moon so im sorry if it doesn't show up.

this has been the hardest year of my life. i have only been making vague mentions of it, but last holiday season i suffered some very heavy mental damage from something that was building up for 1-2 years previously.

And I think it's... time I open the bottle and let these things out.

This incident is the reason I had to leave the little PSAs about my venting. When the year had just started, I had panic attacks thinking about it -- thinking about my one best friend, the first person who ever called me their best friend(and that was BIG for tiny me), who i had known for years, who i grew up with, even if our bonds were made through screens.... Thinking about how they suddenly just... started drifiting away from me. Going from daily chats to occasional "hey joel vinesauce funny heehee" and then silence. Silence that drove me insane, to the point of tears, because up to this point my whole social philosophy was that I didn't mind any challenges i might have to deal with when meeting new friends. If they liked me, disliked me, somehow grew to despise me, I had not a single care in the word because I always had this one person I could always lean on and their support was the only thing that mattered. I couldn't care less about what other people thought of me.

But then that beacon started.. fading away.. I tried to keep it on as long as possible, I asked them to share the things they loved with me like they--we always did in the past because just sharing cool things with your friend is a good way to spend time.

When I'm comfortable with people in private i have a tendency to just... drop random rambles, weird trains of thoughts made up on the spot(eg you woke up in the morning with several messages from me where im joking around about banjo and dk being boyfriends and it escalates into silly fanart of it like it just happens). I'm bringing this up because it's kinda when I started to feel a little bit abandoned. My thoughts are already kinda dumb or random but I share them anyway because I know you'll enjoy them and it's fun. The moment these start being ignored, like, actively, it hurts me. And that's how, bit by bit, I started being even more shy about sharing my things. It's where the terrible "I'm the joke and the audience" mindset comes from.

But that's like... One little thing. Throughout two years I suffered from being damaged by several little things like this. Little things that hurt me and kept me from engaging further. I watched as they gleefully replied to people elsewhere or spent the day playing games with their cool friend groups on other places while my little pieces of love were left behind. It felt like it didn't matter anymore. I was starting to have panic attacks thinking about all of this. I was being triggered by the thought of my best friend. AND... I started being triggered by friendship itself. I couldn1t play Overcooked, my FAVORITE game at the time, alone anymore because it's a game made to be played with friends. I stayed away from Toontown for a LONG ass time because it's got its little portions of interactivity and whenever I saw other players going around together I just felt.. Empty. This started happening with so many things, big and small, and I couldn't tell anyone about it because it felt a bit... Mean? To be upset by seeing others happy together.

I let them know this. I told them more than once. They didn't need to stop talking to me because of how our interests hadn't matched a lot lately; they could still tell me about the things they liked and I'd gladly get acquainted with the things you taught me. that's how it's always been. i don't know why you've been avoiding me like this. it's hurting me. badly. and i don't want to go away, but it feels like being together hurts more than the possibility of being separated.

It... Didn't help. I kept having my bad lows. They kept on not having me on anything they did. And they kept hurting me, so, so bad.

It was on my birthday last year where i had the biggest breakdown. They had this tradition of.. sending me long and cheesy speeches about our friendship on my birthday. Every year. Ever since we first met. On Neopets.

I've always loved these messages, even if most of the time i get embarrassed reading and initially replied with a "damn thats gay" before getting my actual thoughts back together. It's always been something that kept me grounded. I've got some... Whimsical philosophies at times because I'm very disconnected from the world. I spend a lot of time in my own fantasies. I make personal connections with the things I create, and they are real to me. I always feel like I'll drift away or fade out of reality eventually because I'm so disconnected from it. But I knew I was gonna be alright. Because there was always a hand that held me here.

Anyway,

I spent my birthday alone that year.

It took me a few days of debating with myself before I had a bad breakdown about it and impulsively just... Ghosted them. I left our server. I unfollowed them everywhere. I did not say a single word about it. I just left. It felt horrible. I know it's a horrible thing to do. Ghosting someone without saying anything can do so much damage. I was hurt and I couldn't think.

But that's fine, they didn't really notice I had done that until I sent an apology message days later mentioning what happened. We had our last talk. We parted ways.

And that's the story of how I acquired the mental scar that's been tormenting me all year.

I don't have a hand that holds me here anymore. I'm constantly drifting away because no one's been able to grip tightly enough to keep me in place. I'm constantly lost in my own mind because I feel like I don't belong anywhere I go.

I've been trying desperately to find the ground again ever since. I entered several servers where I got to talk to many wonderful people, I dove in headfirst into the omori fandom looking to find the same ground undertale gave me, I even made my own little server which is also filled with wonderful people, but.... In every single one of these situations, I still could feel myself drifting away. Feeling isolated, like I don't belong. That I don't fit in. And then when everyone comes to hold my hand lightly to say a passing "you're fine", I don't have the guts to say that this won't work. That I need a tighter grip. And there are times I do manage to spill some of that truth, but... It never goes anywhere.

I have been suffering from a much more devastating instance of my depression pretty much monthly because my hormones fucking suck. Long periods of time where I feel lonelier and more miserable. Oftentimes dealing with it by enduring it until it goes away because I don't know how to ask for help.

So now on to: Why am I sharing this now? Why all of it?

Long story short... I have to stop silencing myself. I have to stop isolating myself. And most of all, I have to let people know how I can be helped, because I surely shouldn't expect everyone to just know how to handle me.

(big bad depression stuff starts here)

Long story long... I hit a new but familiar low about a week ago. I hit the bottom of the well... Again. I didn't feel any joy about anything, I didn't want to play games, draw or talk much with anyone. I spent three entire days on my bed, laying down and drifting away into my fantasies because they were the only thing that could make me happy. It was a bit scary when I noticed I was doing it, because that is the behavior I had back when I was stressed out in high school, the first time I actually considered dying and also the first time I started doing my own way of self harm; through isolation and starving myself. Back then, though, I still had a firm grip on my hand. A grip that, even when I allowed myself to fade away, would still be there to see me. Ask if I was okay. A grip that made me give up on an extremely close attempt.

Laying down in bed for three consecutive days without seeing a single soul attempt to reach me was terrifying.

But at the same time it started to feel comforting, because I finally thought I could... Go. And stay in the place where I'm supposed to be.

I took another impulse and isolated myself further. Wiped my discord server list almost entirely. Stopped talking here and on twitter, and when I did I deleted everything. I am aware that I shouldn't do these things. That I shouldn't "test" people like this. Expect them to notice it immediately. But this is self harm. This is meant to hurt me. And hurt it did.

And then.

I got sick.

I am still sick. My limbs are weak. I struggle to hold my phone and do the most basic things. I feel tired after a few steps. My head's been hurting in odd ways. We don't know what the problem is, and I feel like my parents don't take me seriously because they still wanna have their fun little christmas trip anyway.

I made them aware of not only this sickness, but my mental state as well because my shitty little brain started thinking about using this as self harm as well.

The problem arises, or, well, gets worse, when they don't seem to be treating this seriously. I literally feel like I'm going to die at times because of how bad this is. My mother is mad at my psychiatrist because she wants to blame my medicine despite me having proven to her multiple times they're not making me sick. This is an old conflict and her bringing it up at this time makes me furious. I list several things that are wrong with me, and yet on the next day she still asks "You're sick?".

And worst of all, she manages to leave me alone. On a bed. All day. Not eating anything.

It's... A lot of stuff. It's been taking a toll on me. I'm on a rollercoaster. Whenever it goes up I've been trying to reach out on impulse because when it goes down it goes all the way to hell. I'm sabotaging myself both ways. I made a scheduled goodbye post because I was sure I wouldn't make it to 2022. I still have it scheduled because I genuinely fear for my health at the moment, and I know that dipping down low again could end me anytime because my mind is way too unstable right now.

But... To end this on a good note, I kind of do have some hope again. Because I finally managed to reach out in a way that matters. Took another one of these impulse cards. Let her know what my head is thinking, even if it's ugly. It's.. Very important to have someone be aware of how dangerous it is to leave me alone right now. I have reached out to some friends too and started to lean more on them, though I do know they won't always be there.

...And that's all. Well, not really because there's a lot to this but I told everything that matters hopefully. This post is also me reaching out. But it's also... Just unloading a lot of stuff that's been plaguing me for almost three years now. Maybe four? It's been killing me from inside, and I know writing this is a big step towards recovery.

if you.. come across me feeling lonely just.. stop for a chat, really. im up to hear any very specific facts about frogs you might have. im really bad at opening up to anyone, and im also bad at handling "are you okay?" because I don't want to say no. But, hey, you don't have to hold me here but, uh

thanks for listening.

its almost 5 am im going to bed haha

[uglifish]

How do you write long multi-chapter fics without losing steam or motivation?

Hey guys!

Been a while since I made a post answering all the FAQ’s in my inbox, and this is the one I get the most, so here goes my answer/advice:

▽ structure and continuity 

(and i still struggle with this lmao its an uphill climb)

1) outline or map out your story path. if it drags and you find yourself getting BORED with your writing or where the story is going, its time to stop, step back, and evaluate.

completely write out the storyline in short-hand nonsense as fast as possible, because its for you only, so go back to fill in the details later. if you want to see what MY outlines look like...... -embarassmentttttt-

Here’s a screencap from underwater chrysalis.

if you’ve read that story, you can probably recognize this scene was an entire chapter, but it was 5 nonsense sentences in my outline.

2) if you can sit down for X hours and write out the outline from start to end (yes, end of the story) then you have a solid skeleton to polish up :D

3) don’t worry about chapter splitting just yet. get it all out first

▽ Marathon time

1) set aside time for yourself to write it out. Find time for it at least once a week or once a day if you can manage that! DON’T leave it sitting for 2+ weeks--unless that’s your creative process--and if it is, and you recognize you get stuck here, leaving the fic alone for more than 2 weeks = abandoning the fic?? then proceed to this step→

go back to it and read it over and over, right up until the point where you stopped, ask yourself questions about where the characters are going (refer to your outline)/ why the characters are doing X scene ...etc (is there tension? is this part boring? why have you stopped writing? tired? take a nap:)

2) know when to ignore (writing) advice. and i wish someone had told me this when i first started marathon fic-writing. advice is great but its not a cure-all and maybe you’re exhausted from trying everyone’s suggestions. literally you do you, but keep an open mind to learn along the way.

3) if you run into a problem, like wanting to change an ENTIRE scene that will  affect the ending of your story, stop writing and go back to your outline. you’re wasting your own time this way. write to get to an ending.

4) know that there are formulas to long, captivating stories. its like a curve that goes up and down. (find a formula that works for you!) for me, it’s: scene start tension scene escalating tension resolve tension but then another conflict + 2 conflict + 1 romance = long 3 chapter scene :D scene resolving 1 conflict, romance + 3 yay! scene adding to conflicts and romance above tension resolution? another tension or romance resolve? which slowly helps taper to an end (which i still struggle with)

5) have fun! you’re exploring this character, this universe, don’t get too stuck up your own ass about stuff and let things go. if you finished a scene and re-read it, hate it, don’t give yourself crap about it. if you’re happy with it one day and unhappy with it another day, figure out why or just let it go. Your goal is to write as much as possible to finish your story to the outline you wrote. if you get hung up on the stuff in the middle, you’ll never reach the finish line.

▽ I’ve finished my multi-chapter my pile of crap. Now what?

1) don’t look at it, don’t even think about it. congratulate yourself and go to the beach :D get yourself a coffee and socially-distance-hang-out with your friends

2) 1 - 3 weeks later, re-read it ALL with fresh eyes. don’t tell your friends about it, don’t link it anywhere for feedback. it’s still ALL YOU right now.

3) re-read it round 1: edit it grammatically and for bulk. if you still hate that random interaction you added in, delete it entirely and set it aside. fix all grammar issues and add to more descriptions if some are lacking.

4) re-read it round 2: a week later with your own fresh eyes, make sure everything flows. did you say character X had a green shirt in ch 3 but in ch 4 they were wearing a blue shirt? fix that :O might be a genuine mistake, either you forgot or got up to leave your fic for 4 days and (forgot)

5) re-read again round 3: a week after that, read it again and find it for more errors, add more flow if some scenes have a choppy transition, and start to split it into chapters. Find natural breaks in your writing (or cliff hangers!) and cut them there. 6) recruit a friend! Ask someone you’re ok with baring your soul to and make them read your slightly less steaming pile of crap, which is now a polished turd. hopefully your friend will tell you it IS a polished turd and is OK for posting, or that you still mentioned green shirt character is wearing a blue shirt (again) in ch 56 and you missed it :P

7) post and run, or save it to re-read again 6 months later

i’ve been doing the post and run thing for a while if im medium-proud of my shiny turd, or if im really insecure about it, i’ll sit on it for even a YEAR before i even breathe about it. its not that i hate it, its that i feel it could be better and if i’m continuously writing during that time, I can go back to look at it with fresh(er) eyes.

▽ things to think about / stuff to ask yourself while writing:

- why am i tired (of this, of it?) know yourself and know your limits. if you’re tired (physically, of writing) learn to differentiate that from being mentally tired.

- who are you writing for? a friend’s bday gift fic? submission into Fanfic Award-Winning Novel Writers Club? A novel manuscript to Random House? Nanowrimo? your fandom rare-pair discord server? ....yourself?? and then figure out your motivations for the tone of your writing :D

- i suck at writing X (a violent action scene, smut, small-talk in elevator scene), so i’ll just skip it... no. if you think your story needs it, make your best attempt at writing it and then go back to edit it. you’ll be happy you pushed yourself to write it.

- i’ve never done X (been to a hotspring in Japan, gone hiking in extreme weather, gone on a blind date) how would i know what it feels like? Try your best to envision it or use the wonders of the internet to learn about it. Research is your best friend to express realism in your writing :D

aaaaaaaaaaaand that’s all i got for now :O

*btw you know what works for you as a creative mind, this is all stuff that works for me and I hope you found it helpful!

thank you for reading this super long post, and feel free to PM me if you need a “get me unstuck” buddy in your writing process :D

xooxxo Ugli

[sakuatsu]

YELL 2 ME ABT SAKUATSU FIC RECS PLS

oh boy. oh boy do i have much to talk about

here’s a list of my sakuatsu must-reads under the cut! complete with links, word count, ratings, and occasional commentary because i’m incapable of shutting up. this isn’t in any particular order either 

(keeping this sfw and organized into canonverse/AUs. a * means i am on my hands and knees begging for you to read this)  

i’ll try to update this somewhat regularly :]

most recently updated august 25, 2020!

canonverse:

*your highs and lows (series) by astroeulogy 

a post-time skip canonverse series born from these two questions:

1. what if sakusa kiyoomi, known too-blunt jerk, is equally straightforward about his soft, tender feelings?

2. what if miya atsumu, resident big fat jerk who doesn't care if his teammates hate him, is too emotionally stunted to notice when his one of his teammates actually likes him?

this is like the sakuatsu series but it’s blasphemous to not recommend. the first fic in the series is all that you were (4.6k, T). mind the ratings on a few of the fics, but my personal favorite is #3: a masterpiece of domesticity called you have tamed me (5.7k, T). these make me ACHE 

*sakuatsu domesticity simulator by pseudoanalytics (T)

a vaguely interactive mixture of fic, art, and html, where you too can experience the inherent romance of a big fat jerk and a too-blunt jerk attempting intimacy

this fic...this fic...op is literally one of my favorite artists of all time but Did You Know that their writing is also off the charts. what a wonderful use of second person and the pacing is so good. too much skill in one person 

*The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets by isaksara (11.4k, M)

Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”

(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)

i think this is the fic that got me into sakuatsu in the first place lol i was looking very specifically for msby socmed fics and now here we are. this fic is unbelievably funny

*liminal spaces by hhatsuna (25.9k, T)

Fuck you, Atsumu thinks, pointing at the pixelated Sakusa in the grainy team photo on his bedside table.

It’s easier than you’d think to ignore loving your teammate.

*Better For Us Both by abrandnewheart (15.7k, M)

Where “You already make me the happiest guy alive, babe," gives way to, “I’ve not been happy for a while now.”

Alternatively known as the ‘mug fic’.

yes this is a breakup fic. yes im going to recommend it anyway. breakup fics usually scare me a lot but this one is too good for me to not say anything about. nuanced and delicious. i look at the mug on my desk and feel pain

dog eat dog eat dog world by perennials (8.4k, T)

You are your first and only line of defense against the universe.

Koi no Yokan; 恋の予感 by ymra (15.3k, unrated)

Wherein Sakusa dreams of his future selves and discovers a little something along the way.

autumn ends, but we remain by wolfsbvne (5.3k, T)

atsumu stares at his ceiling at 2am. he stares until he can make out designs in his popcorn ceiling. a cat there, an onigiri here, and then something that suspiciously looks like a mop of hair, triangle eyebrows, and oh those two bumps are moles right above what atsumu just mapped out as an eye.

(or, atsumu is in kind of in love. sakusa is maybe in like.)

your fingertips, branding irons by Ceryna (5.8k, T)

Between the accidental touches he's reconciled, the deliberate ones he's endured, and, from those he's built years of trust with, obliged– Kiyoomi has never wanted to let someone indulge.

Never, until Atsumu.

take what’s yours and make it mine by claudusdiei (5.9k, T)

atsumu falls in love four times in his life

(or: in which atsumu gets his heart broken twice, has the self-awareness of a sober mule and really likes yellow tulips)

every action has an equal and opposite reaction by akanemnida (10.4k, T)

Miya Atsumu gets a modeling contract with Calvin Klein, which sets Kiyoomi's heart in motion.

(Or: Sakusa Kiyoomi realizes that the rules governing the universe are absolute rubbish at explaining matters of the heart.)

*where i want to be by tookumade (8.8k, G)

In the time they’ve been teammates at the MSBY Black Jackals, Sakusa has never been to Atsumu’s place, and Atsumu has only been to Sakusa’s a few times. There’s an unspoken understanding here: that Atsumu knows him well enough to know that nobody’s house or apartment would ever really meet his ridiculously high standards, and he is most comfortable in the home he’s made for himself.

That, and, Atsumu being over at Sakusa’s means that he has to host him and do the cleaning afterwards, while Atsumu can just flit off back to his own place. So. There’s that.

Tonight. Tonight is not business as usual. Tonight is not familiar.

*san'yō expressway, 6:17 pm by yamabato (8.1k, T)

Atsumu tilts his head to watch a slice of orange light bend over the impassive planes of Sakusa’s face. He is absolutely, ruthlessly beautiful. It makes Atsumu want to punch something—put his foot through the windshield—scream, maybe.

Kiss him again, maybe.

They have 344 kilometers to figure this one out.

parallax error: angle of inclination by min_mintobe (10.8k, T)

But now there's the one person Atsumu'd promised himself never to touch. His eyes leave Atsumu breathless with guilt at seventeen, and he spends the next six years safe in the satisfaction of making things right.

Feelings, of the physical kind, and one kiss.

ft. competitive spirit, childishness, and late night conversations.

Atsumu POV.

four leaf clover by vicari_us (5.9k, T)

Once, Ushijima claimed that they ‘got lucky’. If properly honed, their body types could become near invincible weapons.

However, unlike Ushijima, Kiyoomi’s weapon required a bit more care over the years to reach the condition it had become. He was born iron, not yet forged into steel.

Exploring what it might have taken to turn a genetic mistake into an athletic miracle.

*the 28 postcards you left me by wheelspokes (8.3k, T)

Atsumu takes texting your ex to a new level by sending Sakusa postcards in Animal Crossing instead.

such a unique premise & this is so beautifully structured. stunning flow and who knew animal crossing could convey so much longing...

AUs:

Pas De Deux by hhatsuna (dancer!sakusa au: 19.0k, T)

The mystery athlete gives Kiyoomi a once over in the mirror. “Yer pretty tall,” he observes, and the twang of an accent rasps low in his throat. His brazen eyes drift to Kiyoomi’s legs, and something like exhilaration glints gold in his gaze. “Good quads, too. Ya ever played volleyball?” Ah. So it’s volleyball.

“I’m a dancer. Ballet and contemporary, mostly.”

*my love, take your time by bastigod (archaeologist!sakusa au: 9.0k, T)

There was something sublime about wandering around an empty museum. Nothing could compare to the sound of his shoes clacking against the marble floor, the morning sunlight gently streaming through the lofty windows and the peaceful solitude of ancient stone kings overseeing their silent kingdoms.

A day in the life of Doctor Kiyoomi Sakusa, Archaeologist.

i’ve literally been thinking about this fic every day since it came out. you will not find a story like this anywhere else, i guarantee you. what a clear labor of love this fic is it’s truly something so special 

three roses and a smile by strawberrycitrus (surgeon!sakusa & microbiologist!atsumu au: 19.7k, T)

“I just got this job, I’m not givin’ it up for some moral boost ‘cause I actually need to pay my rent, ya insensitive -” Atsumu waves his hands around, trying and failing to come up with the right word to convey the amount of injustice that this gaunt motherfucker has brought into his relatively simple life thus far.

“If you can’t pay your rent, go get a job at the McDonald’s over by 8th Street,” Sakusa growls, “it’ll pay more than your researcher position.”

If you even attempt assault on a coworker, forget teaching about cells - you’ll fucking be in one, Atsumu.

*Dance of the Parallax by astroeulogy (ogre spirit!sakusa au: 6.7k, T)

For the last twenty years, Atsumu’s done all that he can to break his betrothal to the ogre spirit Sakusa. If he can just make it through one more night, he’ll be free.

honestly, just read everything by astroeulogy. i’m recommending this fic in particular because it has such an ethereal voice to it. magical

across oceans, across centuries by starstrikes (pacific rim au: 20.0k, T)

Six days ago, Osamu died and left Atsumu with this: Atsumu, you have to—

(Namikira rises with the tides and rips Osamu and Vulpis Empress away in one fell swoop. Six days later, Atsumu wakes up alone in a hospital bed and learns how to swim.)

you don’t actually need to know pacrim to appreciate this. a wonderful exploration of grief and recovery. also it’s exactly 20k words which is both satisfying and terrifying 

*Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (ice skating/dancing au: 20.8k, T)

"Your partner doesn't need to hold anyone's hand other than yours," Sakusa's father crouches, "And you can wear gloves."

Sakusa ponders. He hears the other skaters of rink two whiz past as they launch themselves into lifts.

"Alright," He looks up from the ice, not knowing how he'll dedicate the next couple of decades to this sport, this partnership, this boy.

what a stunning fic. a beautiful progression of sakusa & atsumu’s relationship, rife with references to real skating programs, beautifully written and structured. so full of longing i’m in mild physical pain

[f33itan]

💛⚜️Pᴀʀᴛ 1: Tᴏʀᴛᴜʀᴇ ɪs Gᴏʟᴅᴇɴ⚜️💛 (From my Wattpad)

A/N: Ok, this was something a mutual of mine said here on Tumblr, and I decided to write a oneshot about it. Might be very VERY slight angst, nothing bad enough to actually be put under that umbrella though, anyways, enjoy this, and ty for the reads! :)

CW: MENTIONS OF RAPE, DEGRADATION, AND MORE FOUL WORDS THAN USUAL. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

B/N: Your Mother's boyfriend's name

M/N: Mother's name

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

"Oi, Y/N! Go get me another pack of beer from the store!"

"Yes father!" Damn that pig looking bitch. I'm just some fucking girl, trying to protect her mom from this demon of a person! Heck, he's not EVEN a person! He's the devil himself!! Man, I wish dad was here...

When you were in about 7th grade, your real father got killed in a massacre a couple cities over. He was not only a police officer, but a great father and husband as well. He treated you and your mother amazingly, and you thought life couldn't get anymore perfect, but soon that all went down hill. After his death, your mother's health depleted and she felt empty inside. She needed somebody else to make her complete. She decided to call an old friend from high school, and next thing you know he moved in. He seemed like a nice guy at first, but soon enough he was beating you guys mercilessly, enough to leave large bruises and scars whenever you didn't do exactly what he asked, in your eyes though, it was more of an order. You hated being ordered around, but you hated your mother getting beaten around even more. It seemed like a blessing that he hasn't tried to rape her, but god knows what he'll do, he's unpredictable

With all of this happening, you decided to tell him you were doing some "extra curricular" classes in college, but what you were actually doing was taking the Hunter's Exam and learning nen. Your biological father was kind-hearted and fun to be around, but he was also strict and sometimes a bit harsh, though he always meant well. Before his passing, all three of you would go out on the weekends to train, exercise, or do something that would enhance your body power and brain power. Because of this, all of you were exceptionally smart, and bodies all well toned. Sometimes your excursions would be going to a park and practicing a sport, driving to the snow and sledding, skiing, snowboarding, and every once in a while going to another state to zip line, try animal encounters, or take a family friendly class in that state's heritage and customs.

Since you were accustomed to hard core training and events, you thought the Hunter's Exam was quite fun, and was a test to your skills. After that, you were scouted out by a strong nen user by the name of Biscuit Krueger. You and her had lots of fun training, and with her pushing your limits to the utmost best, you turned out to be a specialist.

(Whenever I imagine myself in Hunter x Hunter, this is always my nen type and stuff LMAO)

Your power was called, Black shadow. You could have up to 10 weapons on hand, completely subjected to doing your bidding. These weapons were linked to you through blood, and they were surrounded with a substance that appeared to be black mist. The weapons you most preferred to practice with and use were your katana, blood string, and scythe. You could also make a weapon yours by cutting a fingertip and letting the blood drip onto the weapon, altering the appearance then gaining that black "mist", showing that it was now yours. The downside to this technique was that those "shadows and mist remnants" were your sleep. The darkness in your mind and the shadows all around you were taken and used for that power. In turn, you were always tired, yawning, and had bags under your eyes. Another plus side though was that you had a nen created chamber that had every weapon you owned. A girl can have some fun toys, can't she? You had tools for torture (whenever you took an opportunity to try it), many varieties of weapons, and of course, more snacks. But unlike B/N, you didn't have just fatty snacks. You had regeneration potions, healthy snacks, and special nen created "snacks" to help with different things, which all of these you had collected through pulling some strings. Your mother was worried, but you said it was all just college things. Yeah, just college things..

Ill make that pig bitch pay for what he has done to my mother!

Feitan POV -or whats going on with him- :

"What time, is it.."

"8 AM Fei!"

"Shut up, green eyes, too loud."

"Oh Fei don't be rude! It's mean!"

"That's, the point."

"Oh wait, Shalnark, what this?"

"What do you mean?"

"This... gold string?"

"OI SHALNARK, FEITAN, COME ERE' REAL QUICK!"

"Phinks, what, do you, want-" Phinks just ignored his question and pointed to the TV.

This is Channel 12, reporting live from York New City Town Square. People all over the city are claiming to be seeing a string tied to their left ring finger, leading them to some unknown destination! What is this string? Who put it there?-

"AY AY IM ON TV! THE STRING THINGY JUST LEAD ME TO THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL AND NOW WERE DATING! SUPER AWESOME!"-

I apologize for the interference, but this string appears t be leading people to.. partners? Soulmates? Find out tomorrow morning, this is Amy Starwick from Channel 12, signing out.

"What. The. FUCK."

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOODNESS HOLY SHIT FEITAN YOU HAVE A SOULMATE!!"

"Nope-"

"YESS YOU DOOOOOOO"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP CHEERY BITCH-"

"No❤️" Since Feitan was on his last nerve with Shalnark, he decided to stomp over towards Chrollo in the main room, but Chrollo just chuckled.

"Wanna go find your soulmate? See if that things real?" Feitan just stared at the ground, lightly shifting his feet.

"Go ahead, I don't mind."

"Just, doing it, out of, curiosity."

"Mhm, curiosity, go find them." And with that, he was dismissed. Feitan wanted to say it was curiosity, but deep down he had this feeling there was something else, but what was it? It made his stomach tingle and he didn't like it one bit. He tried to ignore all of this, and just shrugged it off...

꧁꧂꧁꧂TimeSkip to Next Day꧁꧂꧁꧂

Your POV + some Feitan POV:

"Alright, today's the day, he'll be at his work, and on his break, i'll set the plan in motion.." Both me and mom don't like him, and I don't know about her, but I sure hate him, every ounce of him. The plan is simple: 1. Capture mom's boyfriend, 2. Take him to an abandoned building, 3. Torture him and get all of the answers I need, and 4. Kill him. His break is at 12, and he usually goes to get takeout every other Friday, what a pig. I'll give him a taste of his own medicine.

Time: 11:30 AM

Ok, I have everything ready. Fully energized to the utmost extent, Elixirs to bring him back in case he passes out too early, and- what? He's leaving for lunch early? PERFECT! You ran behind some buildings and hid in a two-way alleyway, waiting for him to pass by...

Here we go..

One..

Two..

THREE!

You covered his head with a sack, and took his phone out of his back pocket. Before heading over to your post, you laced the inside of the sack with some sleeping powder and pressed it against his nose and mouth. Within moments he passed out, and you typed in what you hoped to be his password, which was correct. Around 12:30, you were going to text one of his coworkers that he would be "going to a restaurant across town, and ditching work for a day, not wanting to see his stupid good for nothing girlfriend or his dumb daughter." You knew he called you both this because of going through his text messages when he wasn't looking or when he was sleeping. Little did you know that somebody was watching you from afar.

"Hmm... So, she, my, what do people, call it.. soulmate? Seems, interesting..."

Time: 12:00 PM

"Jesus, I new he was a fat ass but I didn't know he weighed this much!" You were tugging him from his legs through the back ways of York New. You wanted to find a secluded area, where once you were done with him you could just toss him somewhere for the birds and maggots to eat. After walking for what seemed like hours, you came across a set of abandoned buildings, specifically the one you laid out some extra things. A couple extra weapons, some towels, a change of clothes, a chair and some rope, a couple of flashlights, and of course, some snacks. Lucky for you, the douchebag you've been dragging around like a rag doll was still out cold, so you picked him up and tossed him on the chair, tying his wrists, ankles and neck to the chair.

"Maaannn, this is boring!! When the hell are you gonna wake up?!" As if on queue, you saw his eyes start to flutter open, and you immediately grabbed your box cutter. It wasn't a weapon used by your nen, but it was quite effective.

"What.. who.. wait- Y/N!? WHAT THE FUCK?! UNTIE ME NOW BEFORE I BEAT YOUR ASS!!" you didn't notice it, but Feitan was watching from the building over.

What, the fuck? Why she kidnap him? That pig? Why? Confusing, gotta keep, watching.

You shoved the box cutter into his left cheek, and you bathed in the glory of hearing his screams of pain.

"How does this feel, you bitch? Everything you've done to my dear mother, everything you've done to me, and heck, YOU WERE PROBABLY BEHIND MY DAD'S MURDER DURING THAT FUCKING MASSACRE!!" B/N noticed the tears in your eyes, and took this to his advantage.

"So what if I was? Both of your parents were pathetic anyways."

"NO THEY AREN'T! YOU'RE THE REASON WHY MY MOTHER'S LIKE THIS NOW! YOUR THE FUCKING REASON FOR EVERYTHING SHITTY THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME!!"

"Heh, hehe.. hahaHAHAHA! YOU KNOW GOD DAMNED WELL THAT ALL OF YOU ARE PATHETIC! WANNA KNOW WHY I GOT WITH YOUR MOM!? BECAUSE SHES HOT. AND SHE HAD GOOD MONEY FROM YOUR FUCKING DAD. YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA DO?! YOU KNOW WHY I TOOK OFF EARLY TODAY?! I WAS GONNA RAPE YOUR MOTHER AND MAKE YOU WATCH, THEN KILL BOTH OF YOU AND RUN OFF WITH ALL OF YOUR MONEY!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S IRONIC?! I DON'T HAVE ONE. SINGLE. FUCKING. REGRET. IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR DAD, YOU SOULDN'T HAVE HAD THE NERVE TO DO THIS, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED!!"

You couldn't handle this anymore, tears were falling down your face rapidly as you grabbed the duct tape and closed his mouth shut.

"I don't give a fuck about what you say.. I'm going to kill you here. This is your grave. Someday, I'll join you in hell, and when I do, I'll torture you again, and the Devil will laugh. You just watch and ducking wait you, you.. PATHETIC WORTHLESS PIG ASS SLOPPY ASS NASTU FUCKING BITCH!" With that, you grabbed a couple super worms in each hand and shoved them into his ears. Even with the duct tape, you could hear his screams of agony as the worms dug deeper into his ears. You then got our your katana and slashed him across the stomach, and shoved even more worms into that open wound of his. Quickly, you poured a large bottle of the elixir you had brought over him to keep him from dying so quickly. Box cutter still in hand, you carved small lines all over his arms and legs, then ripped off the tape to hear his desperate cries. You imagined he wanted to be dead, but you didn't care. His pain and you pain mixed together and you just started laughing. You through your head back and let yourself laugh. all of the pain this man has caused you and your mom will be repayed today.

But the pressure and stress was too much to handle. Your laughing of victory soon turned into screams and more tears, as you let yourself fall to the ground, not even noticing you didn't hit it hard, something had caught you, or someone..

What the shit am I doing?

Am I really going to kill him?

What's wrong with me?

What will mother think?

What would dad do?

What am I doing with my life?

You soon snapped out of all of those negative thoughts though, as you noticed something caressing your face lightly.

"Rest, now. He, won't die, so quickly. I'm, Feitan." You were a sniffling and crying mess, so all you could do was rush into Feitan's chest and cry. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around you and held you close. He had no idea what he was doing, for he had only seen this kind of skin on skin contact in movies. So, he did what those people in the movies did.

"Don't, worry... It's all, going to be.. okay."

Word Count (Including author notes, etc) : 2251

-Wrote February 3, 2021-

Unedited sorry about that lol-

Part 1...

[angelrunners]

Ok i am actually about to scream. Ahem.

I. DO. NOT. ROLEPLAY!!!!!!!!

Stop forcing your ocs onto me. Stop forcing it all down my throat. Stop taking advantage of my cookie run blogs to get roleplay. For once im about to break the character to get a point across. Do people just ignore my no roleplay posts!!? I know i do little "roleplay" gestures. But small things are fine. But when its this huge thing that should be in pms. I cant do it. Again, i am fine if your pretending to be knight cookie and you go like -waves at lilac- "hello!" But good lordy the spam of roleplay i never agreed to is upsetting me. And i know the people who do it will ignore these posts. Because they don't care how i feel. They just want to roleplay. That's not ok. That's rude as heck.

I run @lilaccookiee and @timekeepercookiee and i do NOT ROLEPLAY!!! I do NOT. I do not care about if its canon or ocs. Why should i even have to say this again? Im so sick of people not respecting MY boundries. Im an adult who doesnt roleplay unless it was with close friends who knew me personally. Even then its rare.

Here are my rules for asks/interactions with my timekeeper or lilac blogs:

1: be civil and polite. This is all public and id like to keep it fun.

2- no swearing please. Anything on my main, sure. But do not do it in tk or lilac please.

3- no roleplay

4- do not spam me with your ocs. That's a sure fire way to get blocked.

5- pm angelrunners if you have concerns please.

6- do not pressure me into roleplay or uncomfortable asks

7- safe for work ONLY!!!

8- i am a real person who has feelings. Please keep this in mind.

9- theres no limit on how many asks you can do. I love them! Even if i don't understand a few ^^" just keep it respectful!

Please respect me. Im a person too.

Sinerely, angelrunners

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333