#ik i have changed a lot in the past couple years

[fiery-emblems]

Like a lot of people I sometimes ponder what my favorite characters might look like if they were allowed to grow older. I've been seeing a lot of good designs for older Soren specifically so of course I got to thinkin' about my own take!

Some notes on design process under the cut cause I think we should all share our thought process once in a while:

So, for this I didn't want to just want to go with "Soren, exactly the same but older". My thought was "if I was actually in charge of designing for a fire emblem game, one that takes place in a future Tellius perhaps and featuring this character as a guest (a la Tiki or the Awakening trio, which they should keep doing BTW) how would I go about doing that".

You have to think of course, about what the character is actually doing and what their role is. It seems pretty likely that after RD Soren is either traveling the world with Ike or wandering around (probably the former) so "traveler" was the theme. As far as the overall shape and the outer layer especially it seemed obvious to reference the dragons, who are also travelers:

I don't want to just straight up copy the look of the robes though for a couple of reasons. 1) that's boring and the idea here is for an updated visual style 2) I wanted to combine different elements to evoke a feeling of mixing cultures. I figure if this scenario takes place say, 80 years in the future or something, fashions will have moved forward and perhaps you would see elements of beorc and laguz fashions mixed together. Especially for Soren given what he is. So I went with an inner layer that looks more Victorian puffy sleeves (which you don't actually see a lot of in PoR or RD since the characters favor more stiff looking tunics, but they are there and I figured its the future and maybe Crimea has entered its puffy shirt era) with the outer layer looking more like what the dragons wear. 3) Staying with robes seems kind of stagnant. I imagine that a much older Soren who's lived a good life along side his love has probably chilled out a little bit. A little bit. 4) I think having more leg visible gives a more adult silhouette.

The other consideration is the hairstyle. As much as I love Soren being a carbon copy of Rajaion, it wouldn't be the most interesting design choice if I was the character designer of a game to just copy a past design 1 for 1. So I decided to just lengthen his hair a little bit and give it a look like its been blown around in the wind. Soren is the windy guy and I'm assuming he would be more chill here so why not let it be loose and free? This also helps avoid him just looking like Sephiran cause I see that a lot too lol.

Yes I also changed the shape of his brand. I've always been fascinated by the fact that it changed shape between games. I know it was likely just a design oversight but what if it changed because he isn't an adult yet and it changes more as he ages?

Lastly there's the why. Why would your fav show up as a guest character? What would he even do?? Well I think Soren could be really fun actually if we assume he went with Ike and that Ike kept Ragnell with him. I'm picturing a situation where Ike has lived out his natural life and died, leaving Soren to return to Tellius alone in order to tell Mist's family what happened (cause Ike just left without telling anyone anything lol), and to return Ragnell to them. Instead some conflict breaks out, you know how it is, and the more chilled out Soren is convinced to bestow the sword onto the new starry-eyed lord who reminds him of his beloved.

Oh yeah. I can see it now.

[sassylegshayne]

simp notes

this is a bonus chapter for 'support your local caffeine dealer'

okay that being said AHHHHH!!!!! I've had this written for so long and ik chapter three of mmi is taking a bit so I wanted to post this now!! I love it, it's a peak into their relationship past the fic w lots of introspection from shayne, it's adorable! 2.8 words! enjoy xx mwah 💓

series masterlist

Shayne woke up much earlier than he planned to, so he found himself sat in silence at your shared dining table, staring at his mug of coffee. He unintentionally mirrored your actions in the exact moment that brought him to this point today.

The start of your relationship was a bit rocky, filled with pining and misunderstandings, but Shayne wouldn't change a thing about it.

Four and a half years, one shared apartment, and two cats later, everything felt right. Not perfect yet, but close. Your lives meshed together perfectly in every little way he never imagined it would.

You had similar food tastes, but neither of you liked the other person's favorite snacks or cereals, so no arguments about stealing. You like opposing chores, making it easily to share the weight. You showered at night, him in the morning. You liked the same books, so you shared your libraries now.

You'd been promoted recently, the position allowing a bit more flexibility with your schedule; so you and Shayne often woke up together in the morning and arrived around the same time at night.

The welcome addition of you to his friend group even meant that making plans was extremely easy. Shayne was also immensely thankful to have you with him at pretty much ever group outting.

He felt like you two knew every small thing about each other, so the secret he was keeping weighed heavy. For three months and twelve days he has been keeping the biggest secret from you, and everyone else.

The small velvet box sat in the bottom drawer of your dresser, stuffed between a pair of jeans that were actually too short for Shayne and a pair of Halloween themed sweatpants that matched a pair of your own. He could find it blindfolded at this point with how often he took it from it's spot, almost four times a day, contemplating when it would be the right time. It didn't feel right until earlier in the morning.

Just at 7:39AM, Shayne shot out of his sleep, his heart fluttering as he glanced over his shoulder, finding you softly snoring. His alarm hadn't gone off yet, the two of you didn't need to be up until around ten.

You had the day off and Shayne only had one shoot on his schedule, one you were going to be apart of.

You had been in a couple of shoots in the few years since your relationship had been known to the internet. Some fans had recognized you from the crew and casts personal accounts, especially Kimmy and Damien's.

You were very well received in your first appearance at Shayne's graduation, your speech bringing him and most of your friends to tears. After that you had been brought into an 'Eat It Or Yeet It" video, getting your first chance to witness your boyfriend's grave mouth first hand. After all of the love for you came in, you appeared on a Board AF' episode and began making memes for 'Who Meme'd It?'

You kept your privacy and boundaries still, your social medias were all still set to private, making it clear that you'd appear on occasions, but wouldn't join.

Shayne was fully supportive when you told him this after he mentioned the idea of you coming in for a video. You loved your job, having moved up into management of the shop, the promotion coming as a huge surprise to you, but not to Shayne.

Today you and Shayne were do on set at 2PM, shooting another TNTL episode, as per request of the other's lined up in the shoot. Damien and Courtney were quick to shoot Kimmy the idea, which wasn't hard to greenlight when the producer was your best friend. The easy part was over, convincing you was much more difficult. It tooka lot of coaxing from your friends, but Shayne remained neutral. It almost pissed you off that each time you asked him for advice on whether or not you should do it, he'd say it's up to you. Shayne couldn't help it, he still finds himself not wanting to push you too far, he still wants to protect you from anything he can. Most fans loved you, but what if it stops? He was still in shock of how much everyone seemed to like you. His heart couldn't help but flutter with pride and joy each time he read a comment that spoke highly of you.

It couldn't compare to the love Shayne has for you. He writes every small, tender thought he has about you down in his phone. He isn't sure when they started now, but it was definitely before you had started dating.

He started off using it to get things off of his chest, to write down the words of admiration that he wished he could tell you. Overtime it'd had begun to be every thought he'd had about you.

"I told the stars about you"

"you're the only one want to wake up next to"

"I wonder what goes through your mind when someone says my name"

Damien and Spencer have heard almost all of them, extremely supportive of him, always quick to call it sweet. That's then followed with different ways to call Shayne a simp. It turned into a joke between them, dubbing them Shayne's Simp Notes.

Gears were turning as Shayne shuffled from your bed quietly, grabbing his phone from the night stand before wandering into the living area, brewing coffee.

He took a deep breath, unlocking his phone as he finished replaying his morning in his head before noting the time. 8:17AM is when the perfect idea strikes, apparently.

Shayne was quick to open the notes app and begin writing out everything. He's loosely planned sketches for the show before but this was much bigger, he wrote out every detail to make sure it'd go right.

After about an hour of nonstop writing with Shayne's eyes glued to his screen, his coffee long gone cold, your yawn echos down the hall.

A smile stretches across his face as he finishes his last line, closing out of the app before setting his phone on the tabletop. You enter the room rubbing your eyes as yOu mile softly at Shayne. His ASU shirt covered your top half, an old pair of gym shorts covered your bottom.

Without a word, you made your way over to Shayne's lap, straddling him as you rest your head on his shoulder while he rubs your back gently.

The two of you tend to lay in bed together and cuddle if you're up before your alarms, enjoying the peace of being together before beginning your respective days. On the off days where that doesn't happen, you tend to make up for that lost time whenever you can, like right now.

"Ditch me on my day off, I see how it is." You chuckled as you sat up, rubbing your fingers lightly through Shayne's hair as he groaned playfully.

"I'm sorry, you're just dating an absolute genius, and I had a breakthrough, baby." Shayne laughed softly as you rolled your eyes; he moved to cup your cheeks pressing his lips to yours softly.

The two of you sat there for a bit longer, chatting until your alarms rang in your distant bedroom. You sullenly removed yourself from Shayne's lap, snagging his mug of coffee before disappearing down the same halway you'd wandered out of earlier.

"Ew, Shayne this is so old! How long have you been up?!" You shouted as your turned off the ringing, prompting a laugh from Shayne.

He makes sure to bring you a fresh mug, prepared just how you like as you're busy getting ready later. Your heart swelled at the small action.

It wasn't anything out of the ordinary from Shayne, he loved using small, subtle ways to show his affection. You always had fresh flowers from the very beginning of your relationship, sometimes you'd have more than one bouquet at a time. He's been a big fan of ordering things to you while he's away, off on shoots or even while hest at work.

He once ordered groceries to your apartment and video called you to cook together when he was on a trip to visit his parents.

You adored him so much. This relationship had far exceeded what you thought it could be, and you couldn't be happier. You're heart swells at just the thought of your boyfriend and everything he means to you.

The two of you arrived on set a bit early, giving you time to mingle with everyone. You were quick to dart from Shayne, heading toward Kimmy and Courtney across the room.

Shayne stood off to the side, staring at his phone screen once more. He felt like he was gonna scream, throw up, and cry all at once. He just needed to get through this. It's just an episode with his friends, he's gonna tell jokes and do his characters, his girlfriends gonna be there, it's gonna be amazing.

The box sat heavy on his thigh in the front pocket of his jeans, the outline barely concealed by the flannel he had buttoned over his white tee in an attempt to hide it.

Shayne eyed Kimmy, chewing his lip as she finally departed from her conversation with you. He was quick to grab her, requesting something weird of her. He needed you to go last, this wasn't something he wanted to have as the opening bit.

He kept the reasoning to himself, and Kimmy didn't seem too concerned about it so she happily agreed.

Once the others had arrived, Noah only setting the shoot back half an hour, they began rolling. You did great, getting Damien out quickly with an inside joke the three of you had shared after a trip to Universal one night.

Shayne was so nervous he found himself laughing his way through his joke, which eventually got Damien after it had become evident that Shayne wouldn't be able to stop his laughter.

His nerves had settled a bit, his arms wrapped around your shoulders, small kissed placed on your forehead between your bits, hidden by the divider.

You grinned as the end of the video neared, you being called to the yellow stool last. You filled your mouth with water and gave a thumbs up as you heard rustling from behind the divider.

"Okay, this isn't my turn but just wanna do this real quick" Shayne called out, peering around the corner as you shrugged.

After a few seconds, a toy crow flew over the clothing rack as Shayne belted out a purposefully bad impression of Train. You spewed instantly as cackling sounded from your boyfriend.

"I hate you!" You called out as you refilled your mouth, shaking your head.

"No, you don't." He called back, laughing.

The others' bits flew by as Shayne stood behind the divider, his wig and phone clutched tightly in his hands as he took deep breaths.

Shayne told you to close your eyes as he pulled on the curly, bob wig from a character of his.

You had a hate/love relationship of Shayne's simp character, Sir Phillip Simpne, so he felt it was right for this occasion. He had his phone hidden behind an open book as he moved to stand beside you on the stool. He cleared his throat, offering you a smile as your opened your eyes.

You groaned, keeping your mouth shut as you shook your head, determined to hold it over Shayne that he couldn't make you laugh with this bit.

"I haven't a poem for you today, m'lady," Shayne begun, trying his best not to laugh as you stared at him blankly. "I offer you something better. I bring love notes that I have written about the fair maiden before me today."

Shayne's palms felt sweaty as he looked down at his phone, deciding to drop the accent as he read to you, the giggles from others were silent to him.

"l'm gonna start from the beginning, kind of," He smiled, nodding as he looked up at you, removing the wig. "I wrote 'I never planned to like you this much and never planned to think about you this often' right before we started dating."

Shayne couldn't look at you as he felt tears prickle at his eyes, his throat running dry as he knew he'd run out of time.

Nobody in the room was counting anymore. Once Shayne had gotten more serious, the air in the room shifted and everyone grew quiet.

You sat in the chair, head tilted in confusion when Shayne had dropped the character, the game leaving your mind all together as you tried to process what was happening.

"Uh, 'I wonder if we ever think about each other at the same time.'" He kept his eyes on his phone, a bit scared to meet your eyes. You stared at him in perplexion.

"Okay, on my birthday I wrote 'of all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you', then the next day wrote 'there's been a place for you in my heart since we first met.'" Shayne sniffled, looking to you with teary eyes, chuckling a bit.

You took in his appearance with your brows furrowed, his cheeks were bright red, his blue eyes glistening.

"So, yeah, those are some of my Simp Notes." Shayne spoke softly as he caught sight of you laughing, some water dribbling from your lips.

You stood from the stool, taking a few steps away as you swallowed, wiping your mouth. You were still clueless as to what exactly was happening, but the name had caught you off guard and made you laugh.

Shayne felt like time slowed down, everything was going too perfectly as he removed the box from his pocket, your back still to him as you laughed.

He found himself grateful for your unwillingness to laugh at him, you allowed him to tell you some of the things he hadn't been able to before.

The energy had come back to the room, everyone laughing as soon as you broke, the assumptions previously made now leaving everyone's mind until Shayne drops to one knee.

A few gasps are heard as you turn back toward Shayne. small shriek leaves you as your eyes widden quickly at the sight.

You two had talked about marriage before, and you both wanted to get married, but you didn't expect this. Nothing could've given this away for you.

"I wanna spend the rest of my life making you laugh." Shayne chuckled as you laughed a rolled your eyes as the purposely bad joke.

"Y/N, will you marry me?" Shayne's voice barely audible, the crew further back hadn't even heard him ask.

"Yes, Shayne!" You squeal, your boyf- no.

Your fiance is quick to grab you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he lifts you up. The two of you are a mess of tears, smiles, sniffles, kisses, and whispers as the room is filled with cheers.

You and Shayne are quickly enveloped with loads of your friends, the shock and excitement evident throughout the room.

After a few minutes, Kimmy hugs you and Shayne tightly, congratulating the two of you continuously, quickly gasping as she looks up.

"I can't believe you didn't tell anyone!" Kimmy sniffles, smacking Shayne's chest lightly as he laughed. You looked to him with wide eyes, quickly looking to Damien in confusion as he shook his head.

"Yeah, I've had the ring for... uh, some time now" Shayne laughed, blushing brightly as you at him in awe. "I wanted to surprise you, and| wanted to have a bunch of people we care about with us to celebrate, it just felt right."

Shayne couldn't hide his embarrassment as you wrapped him into another hug, the two of you embracing each other for a few moments, happy tears falling from and for the couple.

"Oh my god, we're still doing a video, holy shit." She laughs, wiping her own tears as she quickly moved out of frame, the rest of the crew following suit. The cast quickly surrounded you once more, each with bright smiles and tear stained cheeks.

You sit back on the stool, grinning as Shayne stands beside you, his arm draped over your shoulders.

"Pst." Damien called loudly from Shayne's other side. "You should give her the ring, Shayne." He whisper-yelled, causing a fit of giggles to ripple through everyone, both you and Shayne blushing deeply.

He fumbles a bit as he opens it again, pulling the delicate, ornate ring from the box before sliding it on to your finger.

You pressed your hand on to your lap, grinning as you stared at the accessory that fit you perfectly in every way.

"I could not imagine being a comedian and having to go on after this guy." Spencer called from out of frame, causing Shayne to cackle.

You guys were quick to wrap up your outro, Shayne still wrapped around you the whole time, placing a kiss to your forehead as they called for a wrap on the shoot.

This was the perfect he was looking for.

[hotaru-morii]

A special Christmas gift

A/N - @hiraizens 's white Christmas collab! Thank you for hosting this, I haven't written anything in forever and this motivated me to write again!

Pairing - Dazai x gender neutral reader

Warning(s) - marriage? Ik some people aren't down for that but idk if it needs a warning

Throughout most of Dazai’s life, he has spent Christmas alone. For, he lived a mostly lonely life. He didn't even understand the point of Christmas, thought it was a pointless holiday. Spending time with your "romantic lover" I'm the freezing cold weather just seemed meaningless to him, as he never actually pursued a serious relationship with anyone to begin with. Sure, he had a couple of hook ups, and flirted with women to get what he wanted from them. 

He never even thought he'd end up in a romantic relationship with you. When he discovered that he had feelings for you while staring you down in the ADA office, he thought his feelings would eventually fade away, and that it was nothing serious, and that maybe he just wanted a couple of dates… but how wrong he was… he realized the more dates you guys went on, the more he actually wanted to start something serious with you. 

Now here he is, in a serious relationship with you. It's been about ten months since you two have started dating. This was his first serious relationship with someone. At the beginning, Dazai couldn't help but avoid eye contact with you, or push his hair back while you two were talking. Which was a foreign concept for Dazai, because with anyone else, he never had these bad habits. However, things started to slowly change, and while he might still have some of these bad habits, and definitely still has a lot of room for improvement, but your relationship with him has gotten better. 

You've spent seven years in a relationship with him, so it had to improve over the past few years right? Not only did your relationship with him improve, but Dazai's relationship with himself improved as long with it.

At the beginning, he couldn't help but not allow himself to be happy due to the intense guilt he felt deep down inside of him. Unfortunately, that self hate and guilt caused some serious problems in your relationship. Like how he sometimes would ghost you whenever he started feeling like the happiness he felt whenever he was with you, was something he didn't deserve. 

Thankfully, that did stop happening with time, but you couldn't help but feel awful whenever he'd suddenly disappear and not answer your calls or texts while he was gone. And rightfully so! You deserved some answers from him. Of course you understood that he needed alone time because not everyone liked venting their problems to others, and you respected that throughout your entire relationship. But you at least deserved an answer when he would leave for weeks, and once he even left for months… 

Of course you didn't just forgive him for his actions, you respected yourself more than that to just let him constantly ghost you and then come crawling back to your front door whenever he felt like it. But he did eventually apologize, made it up to you, and actually showed that he was sorry through his actions. He still doesn't tell you everything that happened in his childhood, and why he has so much trauma, but he told you the surface level details, and that was enough for you. 

And seven years later after all the rocky parts of your relationship, you can safely say that you're genuinely happy in the relationship you've been in for so many years. 

And he was too. After Oda's death the nightmares he had each day increased, and he'd spend more hours in the bar, drinking until it was the illegal limit. 

But he didn't have to come home to tons of alcoholic drinks after work anymore, and drink his depression away. He'd come home to you, and that changed him in many ways.

When he turned to look at you, you had your head held up high, looking towards the sky. Your gloved hands held out, trying to catch the snowflakes falling from the sky. 

You always loved the Christmas spirit, enjoying the Christmas decorations all around you, and most of all, being able to celebrate the holiday with the man you loved so much. 

You smiled widely when you finally caught a snowflake in your hands. "Osamu look! Isn't it pretty?" 

"I think f/n is cuter!" Dazai smirked, and you couldn't help but pout and blush faintly at his cheesey comment. You heard Dazai chuckle, and you immediately hid your face into his chest. 

"Osamu…" You mumbled. The snowflake in your hands dropped to the floor. 

Dazai placed a single hand on the to of your head, and the other was wrapped around your body, and smiled at the gesture. Dazai always smiles, but he rarely ever shows anyone a genuine smile.

He only ever smiles to hide his true feelings, and to hide who he really was on the inside. But with you, he could smile, and truly mean it. He didn't need to hide himself. Although he did hide himself from you during the beginning of the relationship, he slowly unmasked himself. He didn't need to put on his clown act anymore. 

"Hey," he begins. Capturing your attention. 

"What?" You asked back with a pout. 

"I got something for you." He digs into his pocket for a moment, but then stops. 

"But we already exchanged gifts this morning." You reminded him. Ignoring his sudden stop in movement. 

"Ah, yeah but I got something else for you." Dazai awkwardly smiles. It was much different from any other smile you've seen from him. Has he ever smiled like this before? You couldn't help but wonder… 

"You got me a second gift?" You asked. 

"Yeah! I just love my belladonna so much I just had to buy her a second gift!" Dazai chuckled. But you couldn't help but tilt your head in slight confusion. 

"Look f/n," He begins. "I… love you a lot, so I wanted to give you this." He grabbed out a small red box from his coat, and handed it to you. 

You take the box from his hand, and open it. 

When you saw what was inside the box, your eyes widened immediately. 

Dazai then got down on one knee, and held his hand out to you. 

"F/N, after seven years of being with you, I realized that I want you in my life forever…" He paused, and you felt your lips beginning to tremble. 

"Will you marry me?" He asked. 

Your eyes began to water at his question, and your slightly trembling lips turned into a smile. You wiped the tears that were beginning to form in your eyes more rapidly, and gave him an answer to his question. "Yes!" You told him with enthusiasm. 

Dazai's expression softened. He got up from his knees and embraced you, and you embraced him back. The tears from earlier are now overflowing, but you had a wide smile on your face. 

Neither of you said anything to each other, but Dazai knew that deep down, he's happy with the decision he made. Even though for most of his life he told himself that settling down with someone and getting married wasn't for him. 

But at this very moment, he couldn't help but smile genuinely, and feel a warmth inside of him that made him know that he made the right decision. 

"Osamu!" You were still hugging him, but you looked up right at him. "I'm really happy that you asked me to marry you!" 

Dazai chuckled. "I am too." He then gave you a light kiss on your lips, causing you to blush lightly.

"Hey, let's go home there's something I wanna do with my fiance." He winked at you, only making your light blush even heavier. 

"Osamu…" You mumbled his name, but that only made him feel even cockier. 

"I know you're excited, darling." 

And perhaps you were, and you were excited to go home with your now fiance, but you wouldn't admit to him. But you would always be happy to admit that you married the man who was known as a suicidal maniac. The feeling of being ashamed to have married him would never occur to you… 

[nicromancytarot]

hii im not great at tarot and im relatively new (dont know the cards by heart yet) but you helped me a couple of times with interpretation i would like to repay you by doing some small readings for you if you want to

by small i mean i would pull 1 card or 2 but as many questions as you wat

i dont plan on telling you the cards since ik some people (reader) prefere not to so they can have a different opinion on the cards (and not start interpreting themselves) BUT if you wish i could tell you and then you could give me your opinion after ive done the reading

ofc it is just a suggestion

love your work !

❣️

This is literally the sweetest thing, hello??? Can’t lie, I did nearly cry, this is so kind of you!!

I’m always happy to help whenever you need some more interpretations. And hopefully these readings can help you out with understanding the cards more!

I’d be happy to have those cards and see what else I can figure out or can interpret from it.

We can do 3 questions. I’ll give you a tiny bit of context for each so it makes the most sense for you.

1) What can you tell me about my next home?

- Been manifesting moving, and an opportunity arose recently.

2) What is going on between my connection with my future spouse?

- Some things made me think my future spouse had changed and I was no longer meant for them, but when I checked with my spirit guides and my fs energies, they said it’s all the same, just more strict on timeline.

3) How is my music career looking by the end of the year?

- Been working on music for the past 2 years, definitely want to do it permanently as a job, however I’m not really too sure on my next steps.

Don’t feel any pressure to get this to me immediately, take your time and treat your energy with care, I am more than happy to wait.

Again, thank you so much for this!! I appreciate it a lot, and I am so glad that I was able to help you 🫶🏻

[mirandahamilton]

what were your thoughts on seven kings must die?

LOADED ass question lol

controversial mayhaps but i liked it well enough! in the sense that i was entertained, and i did get some satisfaction from my viewing experience.

positives:

i really loved the updated intro/credits!

finan's narration was a cool change

the acting! it was all hitting for me :) i think harry especially did a great job, imo he had the most character work to do and i really felt his conflict (maybe this is gay bias but idc). the new actress for eadgifu did a really good job as well, her character was consistent and i enjoyed her interactions with uhtred

the action sequences were very well done and i loved the battle

sets, costumes, hair/makeup...all looked great!!

the ending! loved the callback, and although i wish we'd seen more charcaters in valhalla ik most of the actors weren't available so it's cool. really enjoyed the ambiguity. althoooooough unlike most ppl i don't think uhtred went to valhalla at the end (would love to chat/debate on this one)

uhtred getting stabbed at the final battle....lowkey i was emotional esp when sihtric and finan found him and he was serving cunt dead

aethelflaed shoutout :( miss my wife and i think they did the female characters so dirty but i would have turned it off if they went to aegelesburg without even namedropping the queen

i really enjoyed osbert & edmund being besties (BUT their stories should have been more developed)

i go into my critique below lol but i won't apologize for unironically vibing with the catholic guilt evil homosexual drama. in many ways it hit for me and i shan't be issuing an apology

i loooooooved the new locations, especially the shetland islands

problematizing the christians 🙏

negatives:

WHERE the abject fuck were any of the women characters???????? STIORRA? hild? aelfwynn? aelswith?? eadith???????? like??? not even a shoutout????? make it make sense. this was the most offensive thing for me and i won't be getting over it anytime soon thanks

i wish we'd heard something about cynlaef and aelfwynn!!! wasn't he like besties with aethelstan?? would have been so easy to make it work smh

pacing :/ it was impossible to tell how the story was meant to be moving through a concrete sense of time. a quick look at the wikipedia for king aethelstan shows that there were years between his coronation and the battle of brunanburh, yet the movie makes it seem like from beginning to end the story takes less than a year? and it's also unclear how much time has supposedly past since the end of s5. it started off pretty slow, but regardless i was admittedly engrossed by the halfway mark

sloppy evil gay drama :/// like in some ways. listen. i am not complaining lol. but i think it would have worked much better with more breathing room. ingilmundr was just so clearly intro'd as a villain, and i would have preferred seeing some more subtlety and cunning over a period of time, plus some actual internal conflict for him. by his last line ("i grew fond of you, but my love for my people prevailed") it seems as though he did have some genuine affection for aethelstan, and even though he completed his mission in the end i wish there'd been more depth there.

also, fwiw and as other people have said, unhinged to go 5 seasons with no queer characters only to haphazardly throw a couple in the follow up film...and have them be villains!!! gay people CAN be villainous lmao but idk how intentional they were being about any of this

overall just felt rushed. there were a lot of parts that would have benefited from some breathing room and dramatic build up. plus we didn't get to connect with a lot of the characters, and the writers were relying on viewers to care based on the tv series -- mostly fine for our mains like uhtred & co, but a real disservice to the newer characters. even finan and sihtric didn't do much besides follow uhtred around, which is par for the course but i wish they'd had individual arcs. ingrith's death didn't hit that hard bc she barely had lines. aelfweard's too, and he needed to be built up as more of a threat (even tho his death is mainly supposed to serve as a character moment for aethelstan).

hollow villains! i wrote abt ingilmundr above, but anlaf and astrid were so 1 dimensional. and the writers could have tried a little harder lbr. and let astrid SPEAK

ALDHELM. ok. his death was such a waste. james did an incredible job, but it felt so meaningless. oooh ah uhtred was upset. but he was upset already? and it didn't make him turn his back on aethelstan????? so tell me quickly what did we accomplish

aethelstan's redemption....i feel like he went from being a villain to back to besties with the squad in 2 seconds and i think it should have been fleshed out more. like i'm fine with them reuniting and i was rooting for it but i think we could have gotten more of aethelstan realizing his mistakes and showing remorse, and demonstrating that he has changed -- uhtred will probably always have his back, but besides Realizing Things he didn't really do anything to show that he has grown and prove that he's different and better than edward -- this was an issue throughout the movie, but it stands out the most with him since his actions drive most of the plot

no offense but where tf did uhtred get his little army from

[integra1127grimmreaper]

Would You Hold It Against Me?

Ike Evans Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Warning: swearing, smut

Summary: The first time you met Ike Evans. Inspire by- The Bellamy Brothers' - If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me.

Dividers created by @firefly-graphics

​

If I said you had a beautiful body

Would you hold it against me?

If I swore you were an angel

Would you treat me like the devil tonight?

Ike silently sat watching you glide across the dance floor; you oozed both style and flair as your partner led you through the dance.

He had thought taking this business trip to Chicago was a waste of time after the nightmare of a meeting he had been forced to sit through earlier.

But now, after having watched you for the past twenty minutes; his thoughts were completely changed on the matter.

To say that Ike found you interesting would be putting it lightly... truth was; he was completely enchanted by you.

*

If I was dying of thirst

Would your flowing love come quench me?

If I said you had a beautiful body

Would you hold it against me?

The dance soon ends, and you curtsy to your partner, chuckling and clapping along with everyone as they cheered the band.

Believing you to be a couple, Ike was caught completely by surprise when he and you parted ways thereafter, and you make your way toward Ike's direction at the bar then.

As not to make it obvious that he had been watching you the entire time, Ike slowly turns back to facing the bar just as you reached the vacant seat right next to him.

"Vodka Martini please..." you request from the bartender as you took a seat.

You were just about to hand the bartender payment for your drink, when a large hand suddenly closed over your hand holding the money.

"It's on me..." a raspy voice utters, placing your hand back down onto the bar top.

"Thank you, Stranger..." you smile at him.

"Ike..." the man reaches his hand out introducing himself.

"Y/N..." you reach out to shake it.

"Never seen you around here before, you new in town?"

"Just visiting for business" Ike replies with a dimpled smile.

"And what business are you into, Ike?" you enquire, silently admiring his handsomeness.

"Hospitality" he answers, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a pack of cigarettes.

"May I?" you request one.

Ike offers the pack for you to take one, and as he reaches out to light it for you; your eye catches the glint of the wedding band on his finger.

"I'm widowed" Ike remarks with a grim smile, having noticed your train of focus.

"Oh, I'm sorry for your loss" you reply, feeling a bit guilty at your sense of relieve to his remark.

"It's been two years but thank you."

*

Now we could talk all night about the weather

Could tell you 'bout my friends out on the coast

I could ask a lot of crazy questions

Or ask you what I really wanna know

Ike and you sat chatting for quite some time; the flirting between you two heavy, as you got to know each other better, when suddenly he breaks the ice.

"I know this might be a bit forward of me... but would you like to go back to my hotel room with me?

Grabbing hold of your purse, you reach out a hand and smirk.

"Lead the way, Handsome..."

Tongue popping out to lick at his bottom and with a broad dimpled smirk, Ike takes hold of your hand to assist you out of your seat.

Settling the bill, Ike wraps an arm tightly around your waist as he leads you out of the nightclub.

*

If I said you had a beautiful body

Would you hold it against me?

If I swore you were an angel

Would you treat me like the devil tonight?

The sexual tension was getting heavier and heavier by the second during the car ride, that you barely made it into the room when Ike immediately had you pinned against the nearest wall; lips attached to your neck as his hands roamed all over your body.

"Ike..." you whimpered out at the feel of his erection grinding into your middle.

"I need to be inside you..." he growls out, lifting you up with ease and carrying you to the bed.

Ike lowers you to the ground at the foot of the bed, and in an instant you both began undressing each other in-between heated kisses.

"Fuck, you're beautiful..." Ike utters out, cupping your face in his palms.

Tipping down to capture your lips in a hard kiss, Ike slowly leads you backwards onto the bed.

Gripping tightly at your thigh, Ike moves down toward your open legs then, but you grip hold of his hair to pause his movements.

"We'll have all the time for that later..." you pull him upward to lay over you.

"I need you inside me, now..."

"You need me to fuck you that badly, huh?" Ike grins down at you, spreading your legs further to settle in-between them.

"Mhmm..." you bit into you lip at the feel of his cock sliding between your wet folds.

Reaching down, Ike grips hold of his cock; slowly leading it into you, causing you both to groan out as he stretched you more than you ever had been before.

"Fuck..." Ike grunts out, giving a few slow experimental thrusts after you had adjusted to him.

You whimpered out at the fullness of having him so deep inside you, doing your best to rock your hips along with his.

Ike picks up the pace then, causing you to suddenly cry out as he delivered an extremely hard thrust.

"You ok?" Ike pauses, staring down at you in concern.

"I'm fine..." you whimper, gripping hold of his bottom and rolling your hips upward to get him to continue on.

"Please, don't stop..."

Tipping down to capture your lips in a kiss; Ike begins thrusting at a slow pace yet again, gradually picking up in speed and strength thereafter.

It wasn't long when the room was filled with sounds of smacking skin, and the grunts and whimpers of Ike and you.

"Ike...!" you gasp out, grasping onto his shoulders tightly at the feeling of your climax nearing.

"I'm cumming...!" you cry out as your walls clench tightly around him.

"Fuuuuck...!" Ike growls out as your grip around him triggered his own climax; causing him to grip tightly at your thighs as he released himself deep into you.

After a few minutes of recovering, Ike pulls out of you; causing both of you to gasp out that the sensation of it.

Rolling off you, Ike pulls you tightly against his side as the two of you try to even your breathing.

"Come back home with me" Ike utters out suddenly as the two of you laid wrapped in each other's arms.

"What...?" you stare up at him in surprise.

Ike smirks down at you and nods.

"Better yet... Marry me."

Struck speechless for a second, you sit up to look at him better.

"Are you serious?"

Ike sits up too, nodding at you with a dimpled grin.

"Now that I found you, I never want to let you go."

Silently studying his eyes for moment; you bite into your lip, nodding in response then.

"Ok..."

"Seriously...?" Ike looks at you in excitement.

"Yes..." you smile at him.

"Yes, I'll marry you..."

Ike lets out a cry of excitement then, tipping down to capture your lips in a hard kiss.

"Thank you... you just made me the happiest man in the world..."

*

If I was dying of thirst

Would your flowing love come quench me?

If I said you had a beautiful body

Would you hold it against me?... 

Nxt

[agentperezbian]

i will admit when u revamped blogs i was like. oh hey! ik like maybe two things about saw but i love the url it's very funky

Thank you! I feel like a lot of my mutuals were probably confused/had no idea who I was fjfjgkgk I've changed my blog a couple times in the past year or two after having basically the same url and general layout for like ten years. I tend to only go for a new character pfp when I'm absolutely insane about a character (I was Lightning from like. 2013 to 2022) which just shows how much I love Adam Stanheight I guess.

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

ok so like despite spending years being constantly online and looking at the words Dungeons and Dragons, i am at a loss as to understanding what d&d is 😭😭😭 and i like ik you love jrwi so like... care to explain maybe??? i really wanna know fhdgdfkgk 😭😭

OH MY GID HM YMG SO MHYH GMYMDOG HI SAPPHO THANK YOU SI MCUH FOR ASKING ME HJS I AM GOING TO EXPLODE OKAY SO.

As a premise i have played dnd but with a group of my friends for like 3 oneshots where i had no idea what was going on really and the dm was pretty inexperienced SO i am going 2 go off of all ive picked up from jrwi mostly since thats where ive learnt like. Everythin abt dnd. SO I MAY BE WRONG ABT SOME STUFF BUT IM EXPLAINING FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF SOMEONE WHO HAS LEARNT EVERYRHING LIKE THIRD HAND.

BUT. so dnd is. Fuck iidk what term u use to explain it but its basically exactly like playing pretend as an 8 year old except with more rules and its fantasy instead of like lego ninjago or whatever The Council of 8 year olds has decided 2 play today.

Im gonna relate EVERYTHING back 2 riptide btw forrrr ease of access SO YEAH OKAY.

In dnd, there r basically 2 roles u can be. Either the dm (the dungeon master) or a player. Simply these r basically like the narrator and the characters sorta. The players each have their own player characters (pc) that they play and they very rarely change who they play in a campaign. They might get a new pc if their old one dies or smth happens to them where they arent around for a while. The dm however, plays pretty much every single other npc in the campaign (and grizzly, the dm of riptide jrwi, does it so fucking well and he has a unique voice for like 80 different characters or smth hes insane). The dm also tells the story and presents the players w the situations they need to get past. The players then decide what they do. The entire thing however is a LOT of yes anding. For example, the dm might be like "so you step into this tavern and around you you see [description of tavern bla bla bla] and sitting at the tables r groups of people, many of them bald, [bla bla bla more description of everything happening round them]. And then with that the players might decide their characters talk to each other a bit and then slap each bald man, resulting in the dm then later creating a combat with the players fighting against a group of bald men. For example. But yea thats the dm n the players basically n yea

However beyond just usual roleplay of like characters interacting and chilling, theres the whole thing w ROLLING. Bc like. Just ROLL with it. Bc like any rpg every character, pc or npc or enemy or anything. Has stats in a few different skills. Since i barely remember playing dnd myself bc that was like almost 2 years ago or smth fuck if i remember, im just gonna list of what i do remember from hearin shit in riptide. So these skills r shit like charisma and strength and wisdom n acrobatics n whatever yknow and i dont actuallyyy remember but ITS FINE. and then there r 2 ways ppl can roll these things. Either checks, or saves. Its sorta difficult to explain the difference between a check and a save because in terms of technicality i dont actually know the difference. But usually checks are for if youve decided to just do an action, but saves are for if youre trying to negate a negative effect or. Whatever. For example, if youre trying to pick up something very heavy, youd make a strength check. But if you were like trying to. Fuck wait i cant think of an example of a strength save. Errr. Ok fuck it im switching 2 charisma examples. A charisma check would be if ur tryna like idk win someone over, but usually ud make a persuasion check or a deception check fuck wait er idk the difference. OKAY IGNORE ME HERE BC IDK THE TECHNICALITIES OF DND THAT WELL BC I HAVENT PLAYED IT IN A WHILE AND I ONLY DID A COUPLE VERY MESSY ONESHOTS. but a saving throw would be for smth likeee lets say someones tryna possess u and u dont want em to. U would make a wisdom saving throw to try to like Resist the possession. If u win the save, u dont get possessed. If u fail it, u get possessed. And the way u determine if something fails or wins, is with dcs. I do not know what dc stands for but its basically whatever number u have to roll higher than to pass.

ANYWAYS. With rolling n shit, with checks n saves, u roll on a d20 (a dice with 20 sides) and then add or subtract ur modifier in that ability. For example, gillion in jrwi has like a -4 to dexterity or smth absurd bc hes not dexterous at all. This means that if he rolls like a 15 on the d20, thatd become an 11 instead. If it is actually a -4 idk the exact number. Altho, chip jrwi has like a +11 to persuasion because hes fucking insane. So then if he rolls a 15 persuasion check thst becomes a fucking 26. Also, rolling a natural 20 or a natural 1 r like. Sorta big things as they r the highest and lowest u can roll. So like, rolling a nat20 is almost always an immediate success UNLESS whatever ur trying to beat has an insanely high dc. For example, at one point gillion had to make a constitution save with like a dc 35 because he had done some crazy shit. He rolled a natural 18, and with all his spells and all his modifiers to give him some kinda buff, he only made it to like a 32 USING ALMOST ALL HIS AND HIS FRIENDS SPELLS. So in this case he wouldve had to roll a nat20, but without the spells and buffs, that wouldnt have succeeded because it wouldve still been below the 35. Anyways.

Theres also a thing called rolling w advantage or disadvantage which is from whst ive seen, just rolling twice and taking whichevwr roll is best. So if u have like an advantage to a perception check bc like lets sayyy someones also looking with you so theyve given you advantage, you could roll twice and keep whichever roll ends up higher. And then vice versa w disadvantage.

Anyways theres a lotta mechanics i cant rlly fully explain bc i dont fully understand lol BUT smth i can explain to the best of my ability is COMBAT. so with combat, you begin with everything that is going to be fighting rolling initiative. This means player characters who r in the fight, enemies in the fight, and anyone who is going to join the fight later. The initiative rolls the decide the turn order, with the highest initiative going first, then down the turn order to the lowest initiative. Each turn, the character can do a buncha shit which i dont fully know BUT. I do know that everyone gets an action for their turn, so with that they could likee go to attack whatever theyre fighting, or use their movement to get away, or cast a spell to help themselves or their friends out or WHATEVER it can literally be like idk fuckin anything. Ur action could b shootin the bad guy in the face or it could b pullin down the pants of ur enemies. But then, some ppl also get a bonus action or maybe everyone or maybe idk i dont know the logistics but theres a number of Things u can do on ur turn until u decide that ur done doing things or if ur out of actions. Also tho bc its still very roleplayed, anyone can like talk to each other, regardless of turn. So like a character during their turn might shout to their ally, who can talk back instead of being locked in a stasis of Not Their Turn. However the person replying cant act on anything until it is their turn. Which leads 4 some kinds funny dialogue ig. Like 4 example it might be like. "Hey, ally, throw the Object over here !!" "I cant !" "Why not ????" "Its not my turn im stuck in my idle animation for the next 6 seconds !" Or whatevwr the fuck. But then they could throw The Object their next turn. Ummm and yeah. Also w combat p much most attacks have to pass the victims AC which is their armour class. So like, if one person wants to stab someone else, the dm will b like okay roll 2 hit. N if the other persons ac is sayyy a 15 (if they remember 2 put on their leather armour and dont forget to equip it for like 50 episodes) then that roll to hit has to end up above a 15, or itll miss. Or however thwy want to flavour it. Sometimes the miss will be flavoured as hitting armour and just clinking off of it, sometimes itll be the victim dodging, sometimes itll be just a complete fuck up, whatever rlly. And then yeah also in combat, if someones hp is reduced to 0, they do not automatically die unless theyre reduced to under double their max hp i think ? Idk the exact thing but no hit so far in riptide has instakilled i dont think other than one that was like crazy insane but that one was like crazy insane dc104 strength save holy fuck kinda blow. Actually i think its different when it comes 2 enemies bc the pcs have plot armour or smth idk man. But if someones hp is reduced to 0 they dont die, theyre knocked unconscious. And then, they remain unconscious until somebody heals them to above 1 hp, and for each round or smth they arent bsck, they make death saves. Idk if the dcs always the same or if its different for different ppl, it seems to just be a dc10 but idk. But if in total the character fails 3 death saves, they r just straight up dead. But if a character succeeds the death saves, theyre still unconscious, but not dead. If theu roll a nat1, thats automatically 2 failed saves in one. But if they roll a nat20, they recover a singular hitpoint and come back up.

Anyways thats all the mechanics shit out the way i do not understand it that well and a lot of it involves maths that im too scared to find out more abt BUT. in dnd as well there r races and classes. The race is like. Ur species. For example in riptide bc i love my examples, chip and jay r just humans, whereas gillion id a triton, so like. A fish guyyy. But with legs hes not a merman. And he is amphibious. Other races in dnd tho include tieflings and orcs and genasi and dragonborne and goliaths and That One Thing My Friend Was In Our Oneshot I Forgor and tabaxis and halflings and elves and a fuckkk ton of different races dude theres a lot. All of them r fantasy tho other than like. Humans. And also pets if there r any. Sometimes the pets r fantasy too. Like on the crew there was a bluebird called apple and she was just a normal bluebird. Well she had some shit going on but tbat wasnt important bc what was important was that her race was at that time just a normal bluebird. Altho theres also the most specialist girl in the whole wide world called pretzel and shes a frogtopus and she has the head of a frog and rhe body of an octopus but frogtopi dont exist irl but yea.

anyways, classes r different to races in that theyre less to do w genetics n more 2 do w abilities. For example, in riptide once again, chip is a rogue (i think hes taken like 2 levels in sorcery ? But hes primarily a rogue), jay is a hunter/ranger i forgot which one and an artificer, and gillion is a paladin and a sorcerer. These classes affect the abilities these ppl r good at and the things they can do, and if theyre magic, the spells they have and also the beliefs they hold. I thinkkk paladins r known 4 bein v like religious n shit bc a lot of the time the other players have been like Yeah Trust A Paladin To Thank God For Us Saving His Life or smth like that. But other classes include things likeee fighters and bards and warlocks and barbarians andddd i forgot any others becauseeeee yeahhhhhh awesomeeee but yeah!

Andddd yea honestly i think thats all the dnd stuff explained theres a few like other stuff ive probably missed out and ive probably got a buncha this shit wrong BUT this is enough 2 understand riptide atleast. I think. Basically, tldr, dnd is roleplay with more rules and fighting and fantasy and the dm is like god to ur players but like also god of the gods. The end.

[estadormida]

it’s so bittersweet listening to vegyn.. his music reminds me of such good times in my life especially when i listen to like a good old friend. i love every song on that mix. today i’ve been thinking a lot abt my life and how drastic the change has been these past couple of years and all the things i have been so fortunate + lucky to have done in this lifetime. i’m at the ripe age of 21 and i always think of my ancestors, loved ones that aren’t on this planet anymore and how much they would’ve loved to do what i do on a daily.. specifically at this age. i think sometimes we take for granted the things we could do for ourselves and for others. no matter what i’m up to wether it’s just eating a dish i’ve been craving or traveling somewhere new i always think to myself how i’m not only doing it for myself but for them as well. i wish my mama and abuelita could’ve been dealt with different cards in their lifetime.. to just be able to experience the simple life i do everyday. ik it might not sound like much but these special and amazing women i love dearly never got to catch a break. they worked and worried abt pretty much everyone in their lives but themselves. they live through me everyday, i hope i’m making them proud.

[bradenthompson]

Bionicle: The Dream

So ik adult Bionicle fans talk a lot about "The Dream" and while I can say I too have had The Dream a couple of times, last night was my first attempt at controlling it. Which is when something fishy happened.

In case anyone doesn't know, The Dream is a sort of shared memory amongst the Bionicle fans of yore and the Bionicle diehards. Tell me, have you ever had a dream that went something like this:

You are in a Toys R Us, Target, Walmart, Lego store, etc. There is a wall of Bionicle toys, all original packaging, exactly how you remember it being all those years ago. This is the backbone of The Dream, with some variance from person to person. Here's how mine went, last night.

So, it's me and my brother. We walk inside the Toys R Us that used to exist where we grew up but no longer does (goes without saying). Right when you entered this store, there was a rotating display of popular toys, which would change periodically. This time it was Bionicle. My brain did not make up any Bionicle packaging. I've done some google image searches, everything was dead on. Here I will mention that The Dream is an extremely vivid one, bordering on lucid.

I pick up this set, Vezon & Fenrakk:

For a lot of people, this is where the dream ends. But mine keeps going. We pick up more sets, but this one is the focus. I can feel the hard corners of the box under my arm. I look to my brother and tell him this:

"I'm not going to open this box. I am going to stick this box in my closet. We will move houses between now and then. Wherever I go, this will go with me. On November 30th, 2022, I will open the box. By then, it will be in my dresser at my college dorm room."

And it's set. I buy it, bring it to my childhood home, place it in my closet. At this point, I started feeling heavy. Like Frodo bringing the ring up Mount Doom. The air felt dense, like some force was trying to prevent me from doing this. I get to my closet and fall backwards, stand up, try again, fall down again. Nevertheless, I get the box in the closet.

My life flashes forward. I see myself moving houses, the box coming with me. Closet to closet, it moves. The end of this montage is me moving into my aforementioned college dorm room and, yes, putting the box in the bottom drawer of my dresser. Here, the dream ends, and I'm in my bed, staring at the ceiling.

Here I will mention that I am not a superstitious person. I'm not entirely convinced by ghosts or spirituality, I don't believe dreams are indictive of anything serious. It was a combination of things. The verisimilitude of the dream, how tactile it was, how accurate its details were, how much I wanted this set as a kid. As I get out of bed, my eyes go to my dresser, and I wonder: did this work?

And if it did work, what does that mean? Have I stumbled upon powers not meant for mortal man, motivated by Bionicle toys? If I can do this, what else can I do? Can my dreams very impactfully transport me to the past? Can I fix mistakes? And what force was trying to stop me? Something greater than I, fully aware of what I was trying to do, trying to unplug me before I unlock abilities no man was meant to possess? Hands trembling, I open my dresser.

aaaaaaaaaaaand it wasn't there. Fuck you, simulation. Anyway, what did y'all dream about last night

[rodolfoparras]

I need some help So I met this guy about 2-3 years ago now, first met because he said he saw me around a lot and wanted to get to know me so whenever we saw each other in the halls we'd say hi and if I had a study period he would sometimes make an appearance and even if I was hanging out with friends he would make an attempt to take to me Then came the end of the school year so we didn't talk over the summer but when we both came back he was ignoring me at first (or so it felt like) and I actually had to reach out through a mutual friend which led to him grabbing me in the halls in passing and apologizing and saying he didn't mean to ghost me and yadda yadda then told me we should hang out Which led to us hanging out nearly every day at lunch time on campus, occasionally playing cards or sharing snacks and yes atp I had come to terms that I had fallen madly in love with him but I didn't have the balls to admit it to him cause I wasn't and still am not sure if he would be into me like that... So I began to distance myself and slowly stop showing up at lunch (asshole move ik) cause I tried to convince myself that I would never be able to date him and he would never like me but then he found me when I was studying and started talking to me like nothing happened and then I got obsessed again and then he ghosted me after I made an attempt to hang out with him and his friends... And for the past few months we've both been completely ignoring each other but every once in a while I just think abt him(started crying writing this part😡) cause I feel like no matter what I do I cannot get over this man and I just want him so much... and this man is not the professor😋btw just wanted to get a different opinion on it since I've exhausted all over options -☎

Sugar bee with all due respect this man does not like you in the way you like him but he likes the attention you give him.

The difference here is, if he were to actually like you, you’d be a couple now or you’d have something more serious.

He likes the attention you give him, and comes and goes out of your life as he pleases.

It’s important you look at the situation from the facts you have at hand rather than what can potential be if you get him to fall hard enough for you because there is no such thing

And ppl like to say oh you know younger guys just don’t know what they want maybe I can change his mind or do this or that but I promise you I wholeheartedly promise you if he wanted to date you he would

[ibolyafagyi]

social pressures eating my ass up.......... i freak out about making new irl contacts online, as in adding someone i met in real life ; and im also insecure trying to measure up with my few instagram numbers on my private account. because my numbers are low, its like im elevating the ppl that i do have contact with, like those 20 ppl are my bffs, which is not at all true. its a couple past dating app matches, a really few legit friends, a few of their friends, loose university contacts.

i want everyone to see me quietly, unknowingly, and know that im interesting.

i dont want to make new contacts.

i dont want to be "someone who cares about this".

so many ppl from my major have hundreds of followers, insta baddies, strangely preoccupied with a niche aesthetic, that at the end still feels alien to me. i wanna be like that, but also i havent been collecting contacts since years ago, and i feel like i still dont do it "right" currently, i dont wanna add new contacts... i dont want to look at and care for other people, i want people to care for me, reinforce me!

i feel like i need a token friend in my learnt language (my major). it feels, seems easy for others to do, n i feel like im late again, just like in all my teens about making friends and making steps in socialization. i am at the same time literally running from the exchange student i ended up in contact with. and it makes me feel small that i dont wanna meet her. and if i think about my therapist picking at this and asking why, i get soooo annoyed. ik its telling something, it may be regressive to not engage, but i wont cuz i have a lot on my plate rn, even if i miss this specific opportunity. might be bc of the selfishness of give me x, but i dont wanna give you anything.

reading back, all this seems so juvenile. its not like people have more authentic connections cuz they have instagram contacts.

i hate my therapist for making these problems so everyday in their nature, like what steps can we do to do that simple thing that im insecure about. in my brain i know it, i have the voice telling me it, that its not glorious and not dramatic and not huge, but i dont internalize ngl!!! cuz i hate the ungloriousness of it!! i preemptively feel stupid about them. i take them seriously, but it feels like this sentiment wants to cancel that, emotionally. they are huge things for me, and it feels so dissatisfying that others are incapable of seeing me/it that way, that its just another small thing for them, my big step a dust in their universe..... is that self-centeredness and immaturity? i mean yea. is it also perhaps a wound? i mean it could be?

i have other friends i havent written back to in a year. i have my high school classmates i was never comfortable with. ik its mostly about getting over it. no ones even forcing my hand to be besties with anyone, to go back and befriend my high school class at a reunion. it just comes back exactly because im stressed and insecure ----------

this loneliness sucks so fucking bad!

i hate overindulgent introverts bc this is that side of me! wallowing in own sadness. i wanted to believe i just have to believe in connection with other people, but it doesnt necessarily work just like that. i cant know. i cant decide. i cant just go in and feel fine and connected always. the answer to this particular step isnt "just suck it up and extrovert more". its not "introvert and find yourself cool by yourself" either.

i dont want it to be "stop thinking about yourself so much" either. cuz come on >:( i have to be between people all day everyday, changing situations, how could i stop perceiving my percepted perception! instagram is that perception hyperrealized. its an imitation and caricaturization of that same reality, but also it *is* a part of reality, its not like its not. ugh

[hoshiyoshis]

what happened in the new update??

so basically while i saw a few people say rhythm hive used to be integrated group-wise (i cant confirm/deny that, so i'm taking them at their word--i only started playing when svt was added), it went from being the four separate groups to being like... All Of Them together. no switching between groups (which imo wasnt even tht big of a hassle as someone who started playing for txt alongside svt a few months ago), they're just all together and also you can pull cards for literally All Groups now. so you could literally be playing for like... only bts, and pull an XR for enhypen, and so forth. like, i popped back in to check and there's no way to Only pull cards for a single group now--the card shop states you can only pull for all groups. if you're a multi fan, then i guess that part of the update isnt so bad, but i've seen So many people who only play for one group that don't want cards for other groups since they have no intention of playing those songs.

aside from that, they did a complete overhaul of how songs play. i'm not a game designer, so my knowledge is limited to just what i know as a person who, yknow, plays games, but i feel like the game doesn't give you any kind of time to react when you play? even when you slow down the rate that notes come at you, it feels like they speed up once they get to where you're supposed to hit them. it makes it kinda harder to hit them if ur like me and prefer the harder modes (like i stopped playing easy/normal within months of playing bc i like the challenge of hard mode + max speed). they've also implemented something i've seen in the superstar games where you only have so many notes you can miss before you fail. i think it works better in the superstar games because you don't play the full song in those, just short segments--whereas rhythm hive gives you the option to toggle between playing a full song or playing a short segment. having a health bar, essentially, basically makes it harder to learn a song all the way through. i used to play the chapters for svt before i hit roadblocks, but being able to play through the entire thing helped me get better and get through the harder chapters, y'know? having only so many hits makes it way more frustrating for someone trying to learn the song. games can be challenging, but they still have to be fun, yknow?

also ik it happened to other ppl but uh. i went from being like... level 50-something (maybe higher--im blanking) to being level 16 after the update. it was super jarring and im not sure if they explained why that is--i'd have to go looking.

UR cards don't rly mean shit anymore imo. i and a lot of other ppl on twt who play also expressed frustration that the scoring system seems way more confusing. ive accumulated a ton of cards over the past year to the point where i've hit all XRs for a couple themes in svt, and uh... i barely made an A rank on a song despite that and playing pretty decently throughout the song? like i didnt miss any notes and i still didn't rank that high when i finished the song. i've other ppl have questioned how you're supposed to score super high when they've got way better cards than me bc they've mixed theirs to get the better ones.

also minor thing because you can turn it off, but they did make it on by default that you hear this annoying sound whenever you hit notes in the game. took me back to when i used to play other games and while not awful, it's not what i rly enjoyed. you can turn that off tho, so minor points for that, and i'll admit that the UI is kinda pretty. i miss the old thing, but it doesn't look awful. cards def looked better in the old version tho, i miss how sparkly they were. they just feel kinda boring now.

tl;dr: you can't pull cards for a single group anymore, the scoring system makes sense + they ruined the gameplay by changing it up & adding a health bar system so you have limited misses before you have to restart entirely (or continue playing by paying gems, fuck that noise) + bad default noise that you Can turn off but why did they even put it in the game.

it doesn't feel like someone play tested it tbh like i'm sure Someone would have said "this feels bad to play" in some form. ive only seen a single person enjoy the update, and its purely bc they can trade in cards n whatnot. everyone else i've seen has been pissed to the point of either just saying "i'm done unless they revert it back" or calling other ppl to fully boycott it since its like... a major downgrade in quality.

(also ive seen ppl missing superstar bts and yknow what, cant blame em. superstar games are solid. i have my own gripes with certain aspects of them, but its exclusive to a single game out of the two i play haha)

smaller text bc this got long sorry!!

[drawlfoy]

Mirror, Mirror Finale P.2

masterlist  request guidelines

pairing: draco x ravenclaw reader

request: yes very highly requested lol

summary: despite never speaking before, y/n has a big crush on draco malfoy, a particularly broody and obnoxious slytherin. what will happen when they finally have to start associating? and what if they run into a certain mirror that shows you what you truly desire?

warnings: cursing!

a/n: so ik i said this was gonna be out later this week but i love you guys too much! here it is...the final part of mirror, mirror! it’s weird to finally finish a series like this but ohhhh boy here we are

taglist: @theres-a-dog-outside-omg @mey-rapp @kaibie @blackpinkdolan @the-wiener-soldierrrrr @sugarbby99 @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop

word count: 2.1k

“About time you got off your arse.”

“Hello to you too, Rena,” Y/N sighed as she dropped her satchel on her bed. Her roommate watched, bemused, as she began to unpack her things. 

“How are you?” she asked, her voice noticeably softer. “I really missed you. We were all worried sick, you know.”

Y/N snorted, tossing her wrinkled robes on the bed and making a mental note to spell them neat later. “I do know. Madame Pomfrey was going to kill me for how many times she had to tell you to leave me and let me rest.” 

Rena’s eyes sparkled.

“I’m fine, thank you,” said Y/N. “I missed you too.”

The two sat in silence for a bit as the cold afternoon breeze wafted into their room, carrying the smell of fresh snow in. 

“So, anything exciting happen? Did anyone tell you anything….interesting?”

“No.” Y/N was about to turn back to her work before she caught the mischievous expression on Rena’s face. “What? Why?”

“Nothing,” she sang. “I’m just wondering. I have to catch up with my best friend, you know. It’s been forever.”

“It’s been the whole of four days.”

“It’s been forever,” she restated, jumping up and spinning Y/N around (who couldn’t help but allow a slow grin to spread across her face). 

“I was going crazy in there.” Y/N’s voice was considerably more serious. “I never told you, but--” she chose to ignore the look of anticipation written all over Rena’s face, “--Malfoy talked to me. And he was so nice to me, it was we--”

“That COWARD!” 

The outburst started Y/N, who dropped her things on the floor in shock. “I’m sorry? Rena, what happened?”

“I can’t tell you,” said Rena, her tone dutiful and mournful. “It’s not my place. Anyways, what did that loser do?”

“Er,” began Y/N, “I don’t know how much of it was real or if it was because I was on pain potion, but he and I--I don’t know, flirted? There was a lot of banter, and before he knew it he pulled me off the ground--”

“You were on the ground?”

“--he pulled me off the ground and picked the gravel out of my palms.” Y/N swallowed as she recounted the instance. She’d never seen him look so soft before. “He said he had something he wanted to tell me, and his voice got all strange.”

“And then?” 

“And then Madame Pomfrey came to yell at me and basically--oh god, Rena, she basically told him that I dreamt of him!”

Rena snorted with laughter. “Shit, dude. I don’t think you should worry, though. You’d think any bloke with half a brain would’ve figured out that you were obsessed with him by now.”

“Shut up.” Y/N’s face was hot. “Anyways, I haven’t seen him since. I’d prefer if we could stop talking about this.”

“Sure, sure.” She took in a breath. “Wait, what about rounds? Don’t you still have to see him?”

“No. Flitwick told me I’m off. At least until next month.” If she sped through the thought, it didn’t hurt as much.

“Ending of a chapter, huh? How are you feeling about that?”

Y/N sighed. “Honestly, Rena, I love you, you know I do, but I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Okay? It’s over.”

If her words carried any deeper meaning to Rena, she didn’t show it. “Lighten up, girly. Maybe it’s not.”

“All I’ve done is make a fool of myself,” lamented Y/N, throwing her empty satchel in the closet and collapsing onto her bed. “I’m just going to go back to what everything was before. This hasn’t changed anything. Now, Rena, I have a Potions exam to study for.”

“Whatever floats your boat.”

~

Her interactions with Draco were few and far between in the following weeks. Sometimes she caught a few glimpses of a pale blonde head of hair as she walked down the halls to her classes, but nothing concrete, nothing even close to the amount of interaction they had while she was still bound to her rounds. 

It was certainly a punch in the gut--after all, she did spend a good portion of her academic career thirsting over him--but the sensible part of her knew that this was for the better. Her schoolwork became her top priority again, just like it had been the years before she was assigned to be his partner.

So, given this pattern of communication, it was fair to say that Y/N was completely and utterly flabbergasted when she saw Draco waiting by the entry of her common room at 11pm one night.

“Can I help you?” she asked as she shifted the books in her satchel to be secured over her shoulder.

“Yes, actually,” he said smoothly, not tripping over his words in the slightest. “I have rounds tonight.”

“I’m aware.” She hoped that he couldn’t hear her heart pounding the way that it was.

“And I’m out of Wide-eye potion.” 

“That really sucks,” Y/N said as she held up her hand on the door of the common room, uttering the riddle’s answer under her breath before she stepped in. 

“Wait!” His voice turned her around--it was pleading, almost desperate. “I have an exam tomorrow. No one in Slytherin has any. Snape would kick my arse for waking him up now. I know you have some left over since you never finished the rounds, and I--I understand if you don’t want to but it doesn’t have a very good shelf life anyways and I was hoping you’d...that you’d be alright with giving it to me.”

She paused, completely stunned. The most hopeful part of her wondered if he had made this up, but she squelched this with a force that nearly knocked the wind out of her. “Fine. Come with me, you must be freezing outside.” 

Y/N wasn’t wrong--the weather had taken a turn in the past few days to be bitterly cold--but it wasn’t like she’d object seeing him for any longer. She mentally cursed herself for being so weak-willed.

Draco looked pleasantly surprised at the suggestion and stepped into the common room with her, following her up until she reached the base of the stairs. “I’ll wait here.”

“If you’re comfortable,” she began, “I’d honestly prefer if you came with me. I don’t want to explain to anyone why I let you into our common room unsupervised.”

He looked like his mind was buffering the information for a second, standing with a glazed look in his eyes before he sucked in a breath and became the picture of confidence once again. “Want me in your room that bad?”

Yes.

“You wish.”

He scoffed as they climbed the stairs, Y/N a few steps above him. She thought that if she maintained the space he wouldn’t see how hard she was shaking and wondered where Rena was. Studying with Hermione like she told her she was? She hoped.

Y/N stopped in front of her door at the very end of the hall, decorated with a banner that had their names displayed in glittering bronze letters that moved in the light. “Ok. You can come in with me if you want--it might be a couple minutes since I don’t quite remember where it is.”

He looked amused with himself as she got out her wand and attempted to unlock her door with the specialized charm she and Rena had decided upon. Mortifyingly enough, her hand was too shaky to execute it.

“Hey, hey,” Draco tutted, holding his hand out. It enveloped hers and held her wand still as she muttered the incantation, unlocking the door and swinging it open. 

“Er...thanks,” she said. His hand was still over hers. 

Y/N broke the eye contact to dart through the door to a thankfully dark and empty room--if Rena had seen that, she never would’ve let her hear the end of that--and began rifling through her drawers as Draco shut the door and examined her room.

“You’re flustered,” he noted as she tipped over one of her candlesticks and just barely managed to catch it. “Is everything okay? Trouble in paradise, little Ravenclaw?”

“Like you care.” Y/N shut the desk drawer with an audible BANG. “And don’t call me that. Rowena Ravenclaw is rolling in her grave hearing you infantilize her good name like that.”

Draco laughed from his stance by her door--a sound that she hated to admit that she really missed. “I take back what I said. You certainly sound like yourself.”

Y/N’s fingers finally closed around the last bottle of Wide-Eye, which was quickly tossed to Draco. “Happy now?”

He sent her a strangely weak smile as he slipped the vial into his pocket, no doubt silk lined and expensive. “Sure. So this is goodbye? Actually?”

“I think...I think so.” 

Y/N had moved closer to him so only about a foot stood between them, a distance that felt like a mile from where she stood. 

This is goodbye.

Draco was making a motion to turn around and open the door when Y/N experienced the most severe lapse of judgement in the entirety of her 17 years.

She sprung forward, her fingers curling around the satiny soft fabric of his tie and pulling. Her motion was rough enough that he jolted forward, his eyes wide with surprise as Y/N closed in and pressed her lips to his in a very chaste and ungraceful movement. 

The split second that it took for her to realize the consequences of her actions was enough for her to let go completely and jump away, apologies readily falling out of her mouth in disjointed and clumsy collections. 

“I’m so sorry...Oh my god...I have no idea what got into me...Draco, I--”

Before she could finish, his hands were already cupping her face, his frame bent down the slightest so he could be more level with her. And he was--oh--he was kissing her, actually properly this time, without the tense closed-offness of her first attempt.

When Y/N imagined what it was like to kiss Draco Malfoy, she didn’t imagine him to be so soft. Or warm. Or gentle, or pliant, or whatever other good things he was to her as he snaked her arms around her and held her tight to him.

His kisses turned feverish, almost desperate as he turned her so she was pressed up between him and the wall. Everywhere his hands touched felt charged with electricity and energy, and as his hands traveled up and down her spine she decided that this must be what it’s like to die of happiness. 

“Draco,” she managed in between kisses, pulling away for air for just a moment and sliding back down so her feet touched the floor again. “Can we talk? About this?”

“Thanks,” he responded, his eyes glittering with endearment. “I almost forgot you were a Ravenclaw.”

“Shut up.” 

He grinned but made no effort to step away from her, instead choosing to drag his fingers up and down the side of her exposed neck. “What’s there to talk about? I like you, you like me, there’s nothing we need to do to complicate this further.”

“You...you what?”

“Yes, genius, what else did you think I was planning on telling you that day in the courtyard,” Draco said. “I’ve been avoiding you because I thought you were over me. That was horribly embarrassing, you know. Had to nurse my ego for weeks before I could garner up the courage to speak to you again.” He stopped to gently press the pad of his thumb into the little dimple she had in her left cheek, smiling uncontrollably as he moved his hand back to cup her face.

“How was I supposed to know that?” argued Y/N. 

“Isn’t this supposed to be the smart house?” he teased. 

She slapped his shoulder. “Don’t make me decide I don’t like you anymore.”

“Oh, so you admit it?”

“Admit what?”

“That you like me?”

“I’m going to scream.”

“Just from kissing me? Wow, I must be good.”

“I mean it!”

“So do I!”

Y/N gazed up at the boy in front of her for a few beats, admiring how the moonlight bounced off the silvery strands of his hair and how his smile reached every corner of his face. 

“I take back what I said,” she told him.

“Oh, and what is that?”

“This isn’t goodbye.”

He smiled again, leaning in close so his lips barely brushed her ear. “No. No, it isn’t.”

[namjoonsteeth]

Episode 18

Time seemed to tick by slowly. It always did when Saram looked forward to something.

That was yet another thing he wasn’t used to. Anticipation. Waiting. Yearning. It’s amazing the amount of emotions worked in opposition to the passive disposition he’d had all those years. Right now, it was anticipation.

He tapped his pen on his desk in front of him, forcing his eyes to stay focused on the documents in front of him, instead of the clock just to his left. If he could just read through this patient’s chart and make the appropriate notes to get his team through the weekend, then he’d have two and a half days devoted to Tak Dong Kyung. And yes he was even counting the last eight hours left in this day. Every moment counted.

After wrapping up everything he needed to in his office, Kim Saram rushed through the hallways down toward the elevator to the garage. He could barely force himself to smile at the patients and other staff, afraid that if he’d smiled too long or held eye contact for even a second they might take it as an invitation to get into a long winded conversation. Once in the elevator, he could finally relax, sagging against the wall as the metal box descended below ground.

With his bags already packed and loaded into the trunk of his car, the only thing left to do was pick up his very frustrating girlfriend who’d spent the night before chastising him for his lack of summery clothes in his closet. After a lecture about how nothing in his wardrobe was appropriate for a summer road trip, the two of them went shopping. Again. And again. Until he had to remind her that they’d only be gone through the weekend.

Pulling up to her home, he saw that she was already outside waiting for him, a travel pillow around her neck making her already round cheeks even puffier.

“Cute,” He said to himself while getting out to help with her luggage. Saram couldn’t help himself as he used two fingers to pull at her right cheek. Giving him an indignant grunt, Dong Kyung shook her face out of his grip.

“Yah, Kim—,”

Saram bent to kiss her quickly, cutting off what ever complaint she had coming his way.

“Hi,” he smiled while grabbing the handle of her suitcase from her little fist. She looked wind blushed and wide eyed as always. She reminded him of spring, and fresh flowers, the smell of the air after it rains early in the morning. She was fresh and bright and his forever symbol of renewal and rebirth.

Her chest sagged against his as she leaned into him. Sometimes, more often than not, she still looked at him with those scared eyes. Still afraid he’d disappear at any moment, it seemed like the only time either of them were truly at peace was when they’d touch each other.

It was never enough to just be in the same room, not anymore. He had to hold her hand, kiss her temple, rub his fingers along his jaw just to remind himself that he hadn’t gotten pulled away again. It was almost worst for her. She was still having nightmares. On those nights, she’d call him in thar tiny voice of hers and ask him all the questions she had stored up for the last three months.

“Ready?” He spoke against her cheek, unable to keep himself from pressing another kiss into the dimple to the left of her lips and then another to the right.

“Where are are we going?” She asked.

They had to pull away to get everything loaded into the car, but when they slid into their seats, she’d wrapped herself around his fingers again, holding his arm against her chest.

“Somewhere simple,” Saram smiled as he took off, driving toward their destination. Keeping their final stop a secret had a lot to do with the excitement he saw in her eyes when he’d glanced down at her. It also had a little bit to do with not turning on the human gps that was Tak Dong Kyung. He couldn’t handle two and a half hours of her directing every turn they took.

“Don’t tell me,” she sighed dropping his hand. He felt the loss of her touch immediately. “Your house doesn’t count as a vacation, Kim Saram,”

He thought about it. He really did.

“It would save us some time—,”

“You’re kidding!” She scolded, crossing her arms over her chest.

Saram still hadn’t gotten to the bottom of why making her eyes glint with vexation made him so happy. Maybe it was proof that she was living. Really living. If she was mad at him about the small things, she couldn’t possibly be worried about anything big. He’d hoped for as long as they both lived for each other that having her boyfriend be a bit irksome would be her biggest and only hardship. Dong kyung had been through enough to last three lifetimes. She deserved easy and simple and just a bit of provoking.

“I am kidding,” he smiled at the road. Tilting his head toward her, he let his eyes fall on hers quickly. “It’s a secret,”

He’d expected her to pout but as always, she took him by surprise. She clung to his fingers again, alternating between guessing where they were going and complaining about Na Ji Na cancelling their breakfast date this morning to go have a meal with Cha Joo Ik’s father. It seemed like most of her complaints these days had something to do with the CEO and Saram was learning to read through her usually harsh words and realize that she actually liked the man. He just couldn’t figure out why.

When they’d finally pulled onto the property of the old home, Saram felt a sudden rush of emotion. He’d been here often over a long period of time. He’d watched the current owner from when she was an infant until now. While Tak Dong Kyun was the first human to make him feel love, this family was the first to make him feel anything at all.

They carried their luggage to the entrance of the hanok, admiring how the wind swept cherry blossom petals across the front of the guest house. With each breeze the air seemed to swell sweeter and sweeter as they drew closer.

“How did you find this place,” Dong Kyung asked. She leaned forward on her tip toes to pluck a petal from Saram’s hair.

“I’ve known the owner for a long time,” he smiled just as the old woman breezed out of the guest house. Her white hair was pulled into a simple bun, and though she had a bustling flair to her movements, she looked so well put together. They could only tell she was busy because of the way her eyes moved quickly between them.

“Hello, how long will you stay?”

“Two days,” Saram stepped forward and took care of the reservation. They traded their shoes for slippers and followed as the woman led them into the home, all the way to the back room where a single large mat took up the corner. The surrounding wood looked and smelled warm. Saram and Dong Kyung watched as the woman opened the canvased window for them, letting in fresh air and a view of the back of the house. A small field of flowers sat surrounded by tall trees that blocked off the property. Saram could remember how the land looked when he’d first saw it decades ago, but the changes between then and now had gone fuzzy. He couldn’t remember when the cherry blossom trees were planted or when the wood panels changed but he could recall the woman’s mother in law sweeping the entrance of the property when some laborers stomped dirt off of their shoes before renting a room.

“You’ve traveled far, why don’t you take a rest and I’ll come get you when dinner is ready,”

Saram and Dong Kyung gave polite nods and then the woman was gone.

“Are you tired?” Dong Kyung pushed her suitcase into the corner of the room before sitting on the edge of the mat.

“No, not really,” Saram told her. Still, he settled on the mat beside her and pulled her tiny body against his chest. The two lay side by side, as the smell of flowers and the preparation of their meal filled the room. Everything felt perfect.

“You said you know the owner, does she know you?” Dong Kyung asked.

Saram shook his head. “Her parents were a young couple I couldn’t help but keep an eye on,”

Saram remembered their faces. He remember the tears and the smiles, the fights and the moments that were passed down through the generations after. The old woman kept pictures of her parents safe with her children somewhere in Seoul, but the memory of them filled every corner.

He held her hand tightly because he could. Brushing his lips against her knuckles, he once again sent a silent thank you to god, thanking her for giving him this particular life. He could have been born as anyone. How grateful he was to be born in a world where Tak Dong Kyung isn’t the past or the future. She’s the present.

“Saranghae,” he whispered because he could. Because he was lucky to get to love her.

Dong Kyung smiled over at him, her eyes big and bright and beautiful. “Tell me about the couple,”

His memory was failing him. Not so much failing, but becoming less diety and more human. He couldn’t remember the name of every single human anymore. He couldn’t remember all of the stories that made him cringe or made him angry or made him feel something when he believed he couldn’t.

“I don’t remember their names,” he admitted. “But I brought you here because I figured if you knew them too, you’d help me not to forget them,”

“Her father’s father,” he nodded at the door behind them where the woman whistled lowly as she cleaned and checked on other guests. “He owned this land. He ran a guest house out of it too. Back then his family lived in this room while he let guests rent a spot on floor in the rest of the house. It was smaller then, and they didn’t make a lot of money. But it was enough to send their son to school and then it was enough to send him to Japan when the war started. Before he left for Japan he met a woman and they fell in love. She’d become pregnant and lived here with his family while he studied and eventually while he was at war. They’d meet maybe once every two years, just to be separated again by something. For a decade it seemed like they would never be able to live together. Until finally, he could come home. And the three of them lived in this house ever since. The couple were able to grow old together here, their daughter too,”

Dong Kyung moved closer to him. Her chest pressed tightly against his. “How did you find them,”

“I knew everyone. But, more specifically, this family had more hardships. I saw them often,” He paused before tucking Dong Kyung’s head under his chin. “When I saw how they were able to come back together despite everything they’d gone through, I envied them a lot,”

Dong Kyung hummed knowingly. Maybe before he’d met her and was loved by her he’d only remember how he was responsible for all the bad things that happened to this family in this house.

But Tak Dong Kyung had her way.

It made him see that even though he was the reason for so much doom and chaos in this household, he also allowed them to see better days. And maybe their reunion, the smiles and laughs that followed, were much more appreciated. At least he had hoped so.

“Do they remind you of us?” Dong Kyung squeezed him tight and tilted her head back so that she could gaze up at him.

Saram nodded in agreement. Had he known what it would feel like to be fated to be separated from the person you loved, back then maybe he could have pitied the couple a bit more. And if he would have known what it felt like to find each other again, back then maybe he would have smiled down on them a bit more too.

Dong Kyung sighed. “We should visit here often. So we both can remember,”

He’d thought about bringing her to the house when he was sure that he was going to be gone forever. He wanted to tell her the story when everything was clear in his head, but he never got to. Somehow though, with his blurring memories and without the threat of losing her forever, it felt better than he could have imagined.

[comphersjost]

All For You | 5 [Finale] ➸ Brady Tkachuk and Matthew Tkachuk

firstly, i want to say thank you all so fucking much for the love, the support, the countless asks, comments, and reblogs on this series. this is an epilogue of sorts - mostly focusing on matty’s POV - as well as a tribute to the first part that started this all. enjoy my loves <3

4 times Matty knew he loved you, and the one time he knew you loved him.

word count: 6.8k+

warnings: some smut, not super descriptive, angst, elias and noah being little shits, lots of elaboration on events previously mention in the series :)

part one

part two 

part three

part four

masterlist

I. 

The game was brutal. You curled up on your couch to watch it, your body tense the entire time. You lost track of how many times Matt fought someone on the ice, whether he went after someone on behalf of one of his teammates, or when he was being targeted. To say the least...Matt got his ass handed to him.

The game ends with the Rangers shutting out the Flames. You keep the TV on, anxious to see if Matt was going to be interviewed. He wasn’t, but you caught glimpses of him behind Mark Giordano as he answered questions in that monotone hockey voice. Matt looked like a wreck from what you saw, bruises forming on his face and hair an absolute mess. 

You shake your head and turn the TV off, immediately reaching for your phone. You text him without thinking, not realizing what you did until you see ‘delivered’ under the messages. 

you: i’m sorry about the game :( you: anything i can do? you: ice cream or something? 

You panic when the read receipt pops up almost immediately. You'd only been in Calgary for about a month, and only hung out with him a couple of times - and that was with constant reassurance from Brady that you weren't a burden on him. Either way, there's no way he would trust you that much right? 

Three short consecutive buzzes sounded, snapping you out of your spiraling thoughts. 

matthew: can i come over? matthew: if that's cool with you matthew: no worries if not ik you said you haven't totally unpacked 

You can't help the smile that tugs at your lips at the last text. Maybe he really didn't see you as just his brother’s best friend. You quickly type a response back. 

you: of course you can !! you: and fyi i did unpack you: sorta 

matthew: am i supposed to believe that???? matthew: be there in like. 20 matthew: i still gotta shower lol

you: then shower it up stink monster you: see u sooooon you: any snack/drink requests? 

It takes a few minutes to get a response from him, and you assumed that he showered during that time. Over the past month Matt almost never lagged when it came to responding to texts, except for practices and games. 

Your phone buzzes again, but this time it’s a Snapchat notification from Matt. You click on it and the app switches. Tapping on the red square reveals Matt, seemingly fresh out of the shower with his thumb up. That caption reads “fastest shower time on the team? yessir”, another caption underneath reading “no longer a stink monster”.

You laugh and respond to a photo of the top half of your face, typing out “yeah yeah answer my text stinky”. He opens the snap immediately, and 30 seconds later you get a text from him. 

matthew: yo tbh if you have popcorn 👀👀

you: ur in luck i do!! the super buttery kind tho :/

matthew: my fave matthew: don't tell anyone on the team tho 

You pause for a moment. You hadn't even met anyone on the team, only heard them in the background of the few phone calls you'd had with Matthew. Did he want you to meet them? 

Shaking the thought out of your head, you react to the message with the laugh reaction and assure him you won't. He texts you to let you know he was on his way and suddenly you panic again. Matt hadn't been in your apartment since your first week in Calgary. Even then it wasn't really your apartment, it was just an empty place filled with boxes. He had helped you build all the furniture that had arrived, but since then you’d only hung out with him at restaurants or bars or coffee shops. 

You don't know why the idea of him in your space makes anxiety wash over you, and you have to remind yourself that Matt is someone you grew up with. He's your best friend’s brother and someone you've known your whole life, but for some reason you still felt like you had something to prove to him. 

There's a heavy knock on your door before you can pull yourself out of your head enough to make sure everything in your apartment is clean and tidy, and you almost want to scream but you figure it would be weirder than having a slightly messy living room. 

When you open the door for Matt, the first thing you notice are the two forming bruises on his face. The second thing you notice is how tired he looks, his smile genuine but still not reaching his eyes. 

“Hey,” you breathe out, “Come in.” He bumps your shoulder softly in a silent greeting as he slips past you into your apartment. 

“The place looks great, Y/N/N,” Matt says softly, admiring the decorations and photos you’d placed around to make it feel more like home. You're glad he isn't facing you and can't see the surprised look on your face at hearing him call you by your nickname. 

“Thanks Matty,” you say, your anxiety fading when he turns to smile at you again. “I’ll get the popcorn, you can pick a movie or a show or something, if you want.” You chuckle softly as he all but collapses on your couch, stretching out as you make your way towards the kitchen. 

Matt’s eyes follow you as you disappear through the doorway, the sound of the microwave starting just a few moments later. If he wasn't so tired and bruised he would pay more attention to the nervousness bubbling up inside of him. It had been a long time since he really hung out with you like this - the last time he can remember was probably his senior year of high school. Brady had been gone on a class trip for one of the few classes you hadn't taken together, and Taryn was still too young for you to relate to her. So for a full week you showed up at their door and flopped on his bed, or vice versa, claiming that you were bored and were there to stay. He remembers pretending to be annoyed, but inside he was practically screaming, overthinking every little thing that he said to you. 

His teammates would chirp him if they knew - Matt had known that for sure. What, a hotshot hockey playing senior getting butterflies over a sophomore girl? Oh, he would be torn apart in the locker room. That's why he didn't kiss you then. It was stupid, really, now that he thought back on it, but he was 17 then, and his teammates’ opinions were more important to him than taking a chance with his brother’s best friend. 

But now you were here. In Calgary. And he was here, in your apartment.

He feels 17 again, your sweet voice floating from the kitchen asking him if he wanted anything to drink. He replies that he only wants water, and decides to take you up on looking through Netflix. He settles for a random episode of Parks and Rec when you come back to the living room, a bowl of popcorn in one hand, and two glasses of water somehow held in the other. 

You make a face at him and shove his legs out of the way with your foot, placing the bowl and glasses on the table. You laugh when he groans and moves his legs out of the way so you can sit, before moving them back onto the couch to tangle with your own. Matt reaches for the bowl of popcorn as you snatch a blanket from its spot on the back of the couch and drape it over both of your legs. 

“Still cold all the time, Y/N/N?” Matt teases, nudging his foot against your knee as you laugh sharply. 

“Haven't changed a bit, Matty,” you throw back immediately. Your heart skips a beat when he laughs, a really, loud, genuine laugh, head thrown back and everything. You can't help but think that it suits him more than the tired smile he wore when he showed up at your door. 

“You really haven't,” he says with a grin, eyes finally sliding back to yours. His hair curls over his forehead, but you can't look away from his eyes. The intensity of his stare makes you shiver, and you pretend it’s from the cold, pulling the blanket towards you more and looking away. You ignore his grumble of protest, but he lets you do it anyway. 

“You haven't changed either, you know,” you say quietly. He stays silent, only shifting in his spot to get more comfortable. 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, your eyes on the TV and his on...well his eyes are on you. He thinks back to all the times he wanted to make a move on you. Countless hours he spent beating himself up for letting the opportunities slip through his fingers because of his stupid pride. 

He's not 17 anymore, he could kiss you right now. He could wrap his arms around your waist and pull you into his lap, kiss you until you're breathless and absolutely begging for him. 

But he doesn't. 

Not when you look like this, so comfortable and warm and here. He can't kiss you when you opened your home to him after a tough loss. He can't take advantage of you like that. 

So Matt trains his eyes on the TV again, sneaking glances at you here and there as he all but shovels popcorn into his mouth so he doesn't say something stupid. He doesn't realize you've fallen asleep until he sneaks another glance at you, this time looking for just a little longer than a split second. 

Your eyes are closed, cheek smushed into the cushion and your chest rising and falling with soft, even breaths. He realizes then how tired you must be, it’s nearly 11:30 and he knows you have to be up early for work. He can't tear his eyes away, can't help but take advantage of being able to stare at you without getting caught. 

God, you're so cute like this, he wishes you were in his arms instead of on the other side of the couch. He wants this to last as long as possible, but your head is tilted at an awkward angle, and he doesn't want you to go to work tomorrow in pain. 

Instead of taking his time looking over every inch of your adorable sleeping face, he gently untangles his legs from yours, grabbing the empty bowl and cups and heading to the kitchen. Once he's done washing them and placing them on the drying rack, he heads back to you, pausing in the doorway for one more moment to just look at you. 

He finally convinces himself that he’s stared enough, it’s getting creepy now, and you need to go to bed. Matt makes his way back to you, squatting down and gently placing a hand on your arm. 

“Y/N/N?” he says softly, rubbing softly up and down your arm. 

“Hmm?” you hum softly, blinking slowly with blurry eyes. 

“You gotta go to bed,” he murmurs, and he can't stop himself from brushing a piece of hair out of your face. “You have work in the morning, c’mon.” 

You whine in protest and your eyes flutter shut again. You're too comfortable, too warm to get up now. Matt sighs, resignation setting in. He slowly peels the blanket off of you, folding and draping over the back of the couch like before, before sliding his arms underneath your back and knees and lifting you effortlessly. 

You mumble something unintelligible as you bury your face in his chest. Matt says nothing as he finds your bedroom, depositing you on your bed as soft as he can, and tugging the duvet out from under you and then back over you again. 

��You can't go home,” you mumble again, louder, grabbing his hand feebly before he can walk away. Matt freezes at the implication, even though he knows the thoughts spiraling in his mind are unlikely in your barely awake state. “S’late Matty, you can't go home.” 

“Y-you-you want me to sleep here?” he stutters, and you nod, blissfully unaware of the rampage of emotions in Matt’s head.

“Guest bedroom’s furnished,” you slur, voice thick with exhaustion. “Don't go home. S’late.” With that, you're fast asleep again, and Matt - well -

Fuck, Matt thinks. He's fucked. And he knows it. 

II. 

Based on the look on Noah’s face, Matt knows he's going to get one hell of a lecture as soon as you're out of earshot. He'd finally taken you to meet his teammates, and he was really starting to regret it. He knows that you're beautiful, he'd just rather not watch his teammates stare shamelessly. He really is glad he told them warned them to keep their hands off though, using the excuse that you were his brother’s best friend and there was no way he would let those hooligans go after you. 

But now that you're actually meeting them, Matt knows that they're going to call him on his shit. His team knows him better than that. 

His hand is resting against the small of your back as he leads you to a booth towards the back of the bar. He slows down before he gets within earshot of the table, leaning in to ask softly, “You okay?” 

You glance up at him with a nervous smile, but nod anyways. “Yeah,” you assure him, “I’m good, I just hope they like me.” 

Matt laughs at that, shaking his head at your confused expression. His laugh fades as you raise an eyebrow, looking at him expectantly. “They'll love you,” he finally clarifies, “Promise.” 

“Promise?” you say skeptically. 

“Promise,” he confirms, and the grin on his face is infectious, you can't help but smile back at him. “C’mon,” he says, pushing you lightly until you reach the table. 

“Matty!” exclaims one of the men at the table. A brunette, from what you can see in the dim light, and a face that makes him look 14. At his drunken greeting, the rest of the men and women at the table turn to look at you and Matt, making you shift uncomfortably under their collective gaze. 

“Aaand he’s drunk already, this is Brady and I’s friend, Y/N,” Matt introduces you, his hand sliding from your back to squeeze your hand comfortingly. He introduces each of the people at the table - the baby-faced one was named Johnny - before nudging the blonde that looked like a Disney prince until he moved over to make room for the two of you. 

“Hi,” you say, smiling shyly around the table. “It’s nice to meet you all, Matt’s told me a lot about you.” 

“Hope he wasn't talking shit,” Prince Charming teases with a slight accent, flashing you a bright smile. What was his name? Elias? 

“Oh he talks the most shit,” you banter, a sly smile tugging at your lips at Matt’s incredulous protest. “Always going on and on about how annoying you guys are - mmf!” Your teasing is cut short by Matt’s hand covering your mouth. Without thinking you lick the palm of his hand, laughing when he snatches it away again and off of your mouth. 

“That's gross,” Matt complains, wiping his hand on his jeans. 

“You asked for that,” you shoot back, elbowing him lightly when he rolls his eyes. 

“You know, I’m starting to regret this,” he grumbles, fighting the smile playing on his lips, “you’re just as annoying as them.” 

“Be nice Chucky!” Noah pipes up. You recognize him from the few times you’d stopped by Matthew’s apartment but had never stayed long enough to actually get to know him. 

“Yeah, Chucky,” you taunt, “better be nice to me, I know where you live during the off-season too.” The table erupts into laughter at that, and you accept a fist bump from Elias. 

“I like this one, Matthew,” Giordano says, “You better keep bringing her around.” 

You flush at the compliment, having heard how highly Matt speaks of his captain. 

Matt feels you relax into the booth, the tension in your body since your arrival finally draining at the approval from his team. He leans down slightly to murmur in your ear, “I told you they'd love you.” You smile at his words, tuning back into the conversation that had started up again. 

“Matthew,” Elias suddenly says, drawing your attention away from the intense discussion about whether or not hotdogs were considered sandwiches (the group was split almost 50/50, by the way). “Let’s go get more drinks. Noah?” 

You scoot out of the booth to let the two of them slip out, heading to the bar with Noah in tow, sliding back in to find yourself seated beside a beautiful blonde girl. She laughs when you say timidly, “I’m sorry, could you all tell me your names again?” 

She introduces herself in a thick accent as Annica, Elias’s girlfriend, and the other girls do too, before quickly striking up a conversation. “Do not worry,” she says kindly, “I forgot most names the first time I met too.” You laugh at that, before some of the wives and girlfriends start to ask you about yourself. 

“How do you know Matthew?” Brittany, Sean Monohan’s girlfriend, asks curiously. 

“I grew up with him,” you explain. “Brady’s my best friend, they live across the street from my family.” 

At the same time that you’re getting to know the girls at the table, Elias is slapping Matt upside the head. 

“Dude!” Matt groans. “What the fuck?” 

Noah rolls his eyes at Matt’s faux-obliviousness, “Dude, that girl is a smokeshow.” Noah manages to dodge Matt’s fist aimed at his arm, smirking at the defensiveness. “Just your friend huh?” he chirps, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

Matt groans again, “Yes, just a friend, the hands-off rule still applies.” 

Elias snorts, unconvinced, leaning back against the bar to observe you interacting with the team and WAGs. “She’s funny, and fits in well,” Elias remarks. “And Noah is right, she is a smokeshow.” 

“I know,” Matt grumbles. “Don't you have a girlfriend?”

Elias throws his head back and laughs. “Annica pointed out when you walked in. Anyway, she's yours, clearly.” 

“Dude.” 

Matt was getting really sick of the chirping coming from his teammates. To be fair - they were right, but he couldn't let them know that. But as he follows Elias’s gaze to see you talking animatedly to the girls at the table - all of their attention trained on you - he can't help the soft smile on his lips. He's right, you do fit in well. 

He wonders how you'd look wearing a jacket with his name on the back. 

Noah’s voice snaps him out of his daydream. “I'm just saying man, you already look like you're halfway in love with her, so get on that.” 

“No,” Matt snaps finally, before his expression drops slightly. “Besides, our parents are fully convinced that she and Brady are gonna end up getting married or whatever.” 

Noah and Elias both wince at that, giving him sympathetic glances. Matt rolls his eyes, snatching half the round of drinks the bartender had deposited in front of them, and heading back to the booth, knowing that Elias and Noah were hot on his heels. Thankfully, he makes it before they can say anything else that might inspire Matt to do something stupid. 

But as he slides back in beside you, watching you interact with his teammates - his family away from family - he can't help but think about how wrong Noah was. 

More than halfway, Noah, way more than halfway. 

III. 

Matt’s lifelong habit of running away from his feelings just didn't seem to apply to you. No matter how much his feelings grew, how much they scared him, he still stayed. He still hung out with you, and texted you constantly. He still brought you to every team event under the guise of not wanting some random girl with him, and that he'd much rather have you there. 

When you told him about your feelings for his brother, it stung. So Matt did the only thing he could - not run away, he could never run from you. He crushed the hurt away, pushed his feelings down down down until they were just a whisper at the back of his mind. 

But then he made a mistake. He made an enormous, colossal, devastating mistake. 

He kissed you. 

He was wine-drunk, and so were you. Maybe that's why you let him. Maybe that's why you kissed him back. It was easier to believe that it was a drunken decision than let himself have any hope. 

You'd been at his apartment for dinner, something that had become a weekly occurrence now. Matt couldn't deny that he liked this, having you to himself without anyone Brady to steal your attention. 

You'd ordered in today, boxes of Thai takeout littering the counter. Matthew hadn't bothered to clean up after you were both done eating, insisting that he’d take care of it later, and for now you could just hang out. So that's what you did. 

The two of you sprawled on his couch, forgoing wine classes to just pass the bottle back and forth until both of you were giggling. Your cheeks felt warm from the wine, and you felt good. You felt relaxed and at home. 

You're thrown into another fit of giggles when Matt reminds you of the time Brady had fallen asleep after a game when you had all gone out for ice cream. He had ended up face planting directly into a scoop of his barely-eaten vanilla ice cream in the car on the way home, immediately snapping awake at the cold dessert hitting him directly in the face. 

Through your laughter, you say “What about the time you were trying to impress - hic - that girl - what was her name, Brenna? - and then you -” you cut yourself off, laughing uncontrollably at the unimpressed look on Matt’s face. He knew exactly what you were talking about, and it was easily one of the more embarrassing moments of his life. When you can catch your breath again you finish “- and you were staring so you slipped and fell on the ice!” 

Matt groans as you keep laughing, before a devious idea comes to mind. You know that look on his face all too well, your eyes widening as your laughter dies down. 

“Matt-” you start as he starts reaching for you, turning into a shriek when his hands reach their destination. “Matt, no!” 

His fingers finding your sides and tickling you mercilessly. 

“Matt!” you gasp, squirming to escape the torture. “I’m sorryyyyy! I won't mention it again, I promise!” 

He pauses for a moment, eyeing you suspiciously. 

“Promise?” he asks, his hands not leaving your sides even when you nod. He hums when you promise, distracted by your closeness. The wine made his mind fuzzy, and the feelings he's been harboring for so long come bubbling to the surface. 

Matt is terrified he's going to say something he’ll regret - especially with the knowledge of your feelings for Brady - so he does the only thing that will shut him up. He does what he was too cowardly to do when he was 17.

He kisses you. 

A surprised moan escapes your throat, but then you sigh, leaning into him and leaning into the kiss. His hold tightens around you as he tilts his head to slot your lips together. Your hands come up to run through his messy curls, making a noise of appreciation at how soft his hair is. 

Matt can't help himself, he leans back to his side of the couch, tugging you with him and into his lap. One hand leaves your waist to cup your jaw as you straddle him, his teeth tugging at your lip before sliding his tongue into your mouth. The hand on your waist comes down to your ass, a strangled moan breaking the kiss as his hand pushes you impossibly closer to Matt.

Matt reconnects your lips immediately, addicted to the feeling of finally kissing you after all these years. Through the haze in his brain he thinks that this is probably a bad idea, but fuck does he love it. 

You whine needily and break the kiss, rocking your hips against Matt and making him gasp. 

“Fuck,” he rasps, his hips jerking upwards to grind into you. Your eyes flutter open for a moment, shuddering at the dark look in Matt’s eyes. You think of saying something - anything - but Matt’s hand curls around the back of your head and pulls you back in to meet his lips. 

You tug at his hair as he kisses you, letting him move your hips into an undulating motion against his own. Matt's mouth drags away from yours, your whine turning into a soft moan as when he kisses along your jaw and down your neck. You shiver when you feel his teeth graze the column of your throat. 

Matt kisses every inch of exposed skin, unable to help himself from sucking a deep purple mark into your skin just above your collarbone. 

“Matty,” you whimper, grinding down harder against the growing tent in his sweatpants. Matt decides that your whimpers and moans are his favorite sound, and vows then that he’s going to do everything in his power to pull those noises from your body. He can't get enough of you, the way your hands roam over his shoulders and through his hair and the desperate way your grinding against him. You say his name again, this time a soft sigh as he keeps kissing at your skin, the hand on your ass sliding up and underneath your thin v-neck. 

“Baby,” he grunts against your skin, running his nose up along your neck. You whimper at the pet name, and Matt gets impossible harder under you. “Baby,” he whispers again, pulling back to look you in the eye. “Tell me if you want this, angel.” 

You nod frantically, leaning in to press your mouth on his again. 

“Please,” you mumble against his lips. “I want this. I want you.” 

Matt moans at the words, wishing that it were true in every context. Instead he wraps his hands under your thighs and stands, making his way blind towards his bedroom. He tosses you on his bed unceremoniously, kicking the door shut behind him.

You look up at him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, reaching for him again, aching for his touch. Matt crawls over your body and brushes the hair out of your face as he hovers above you. 

“Matt,” you whine needily, wrapping a hand around his neck to pull him down to kiss you again. 

As Matt strips you of your clothes as well as his own, he lets himself pretend this is real. He fucks you with brutal, merciless thrust of his hips, and pretends like this isn't going to be a one-time thing. He lets himself feel while you cry out for him and arch your back as you cum. He calls you baby and acts like this isn't a drunken mistake you’re probably going to regret in the morning. 

And when you're both spent, his arms curled around you as you give him a dopey, sleepy smile - looking like a real life angel, he thinks - Matt lets himself pretend, for just a moment, that you love him too. 

IV. 

He hates this. 

Matt hates this. 

He hates the feeling of your body shaking against him, uncontrollable sobs wracking your body. Brady had left that morning for Ottawa after Autumn had reached out to him, asking to give their relationship another shot. And Matt hates him for it right now. 

He hates the sound of your crying, the tears spilling onto his shirt. He hates that you feel like this, heartbroken and miserable. 

Matt hates how responsible he feels for this. He was so sure that Brady reciprocated your feelings, telling you over and over again that he was positive his brother loved you too. In hindsight, he might have been projecting, but to him, it was impossible not to fall in love with you.

The thing he hates the most, though, is how selfish he is. How he can't help but think of how good it feels to hold you again. 

Another sob rips itself from your throat and Matt’s arms tighten around you, pulling you so that you were flush against his chest. He buries his face in your hair, whispering “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over as you break down in his arms. 

He barely registers the feeling of you shaking your head against his shoulder. 

“Not your fault,” you mumble through your cries, shaking your head more vigorously. “It-it’s not - it’s my fault - I thought -” You cut yourself off and bury your head in his shoulder as your bawling continues. 

“It's not your fault,” he insists as one hand comes up to cup the back of your head, running through your hair in soft strokes. “It’s not, it’s not your fault, you did nothing wrong.” 

Matt holds you like that for what feels like eternity, your sniffles and cries coming slower and slower until they stop. He still holds you tight, tracing patterns over your skin and running his hands through your hair soothingly. He whispers gentle words in your ear, comforting you the best he can. 

Eventually you pull back slightly too look up at him, making Matt mourn the loss of feeling every inch of you pressed up against him. You look tired, sleepy, but most of all, you look sad - and it kills him inside. 

“Thank you,” you whisper hoarsely, making Matt’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

“What for, angel?” The nickname doesn't go unnoticed by you, and you can't help the warm feeling that worms its way through your heartbreak. 

“Everything,” you shrug, not wanting to really say the truth. Matt takes it for an answer, even though you both know it’s really not, and smiles gently, brushing hair out of your eyes like he's done so many times. “M’sorry about your shirt,” you mumble, and Matt laughs at that, his head thrown back.

“I've got plenty of shirts,” he teases, thumb sliding back and forth over your jaw comfortingly. As his laughter fades, his gaze becomes locked on yours. You look like you're in deep thought, at war with yourself, and he barely refrains from asking you what you're thinking about. 

“Okay?” Matt asks gently, eyes softening when your eyes focus on him again. You open your mouth as if to say something, before closing it again and nodding slowly. “Y/N/N?” 

Before he can really ask what's going on, you're throwing your arms around his neck, your lips colliding with his. Matt can't help but melt into the kiss, cupping your cheek as your lips move together. He hadn't felt this in so long. 

Oh, he missed this. He missed the feeling of your mouth on his. Missed kissing you until you were breathless. Missed the way you fit perfectly in his arms. 

He moans gently, nearly delirious with his need for you. 

A pang of guilt shoots through him, making Matt pull away even as you whine and chase his lips. You look up with wide eyes and a slight pout, before you seem to realize what just happened. 

“Fuck, I’m - I’m sorry,” you gasp, scrambling to escape his embrace. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - that was fucked up - I’m sorry -” 

Matt’s grip only tightens, grabbing your chin to make you face him. “Hey - hey,” he says sharply, making you stop struggling and look at him. “It’s okay, I promise, we just - you're not in the right - we can't -” 

“I know,” you cut him off, “I know, I'm sorry.” 

“It's okay,” he assures you again, before asking you softly, “Do you want to go home?” 

You weren't sure which home he meant - your family’s house across the street or Calgary - but either way you shake your head frantically, clinging to him tighter at the idea of being alone with your broken heart right now. 

“Okay,” he soothes gently, “That's okay, I’m gonna go shower, okay? You wanna change?” You glance down at your clothes - sweatpants and a t-shirt - and shake your head again. 

“This is fine,” you say timidly, your voice small and sad and widen the hole in Matt’s heart. 

“Okay,” he murmurs, setting you gently on his mattress and tugging the duvet over you. “I won't be long, I promise.” You nod sleepily, your eyes already fluttering shut as you acknowledge him, as he backs away slowly. 

Matt has to clasp a hand over his mouth in the shower, muffling the noises out of his mouth as he weeps. 

He almost wants to laugh at the irony of it all. You love Brady. You love him and your heart is breaking because of it. And so is his. And even as Matt puts on clean pajamas and crawls back into his bed beside your sleeping figure, he still feels like he might start to cry again.

But then you mumble his name, your voice thick with sleep as you reach for him. Your hands feel small against his chest as you fist the material of his shirt and tug him towards you, sighing contently when his arms slide around your waist. 

You fit so fucking perfectly, Matt thinks, with your body tucked into his like this. His eyes linger on your face for a few moments, taking in the peaceful look on your sleeping face after hours of anguish and emotional turmoil. As he begins to drift off, his last thought before he falls into slumber, is how he's never been more at ease, more happy, more in love, than when he's with you. 

+1 

Matt has never been in so much pain in his entire life. The moment his eyes fluttered open, still blurry from sleep, he snapped them shut again. It was too bright. Why is everything so bright? He only knows one person that keeps the blinds open when they sleep and that was - Matt’s blood runs cold. 

“I like it when the sun wakes me up,” you’d said when he asked you. “It feels less like an alarm clock and more of a gentle reminder, you know?” 

He didn't know, he really really didn't, especially with the pounding in his head. But he has to know for sure, so slowly but surely, he opens one eye and then the other. Matt’s heart rises to his throat when he realizes where he is. 

Part of him thinks he might die on the spot. But the other part - the selfish fucking part of him - whispers that waking up in your bedroom is what he's been dreaming of for months. 

But then it hits him. The pain. 

Not the pounding headache, no - this was worse. This was so much fucking worse. It was worse than the day in his parents’ basement when you walked away from him all those months ago. Worse than the night he came home and found you naked in Brady’s bed. This pain felt worse than anything he'd ever felt before. 

It’s excruciating. He feels like someone had punched a hole in his chest and torn out his heart. The ache in his chest surpasses the throbbing in his head. 

Matt feels like he's going to cry, the desire to curl up into a ball and disappear overwhelming him and he wants to cry. 

How did he even get here? 

Matt doesn't remember most of last night, little snippets here and there. He remembers your Instagram post, the cutest fucking picture he's ever seen of you holding and ice cream cone and laughing, a smudge of the frozen treat dotted on your nose. He remembers grabbing a bottle the moment he got home. He remembers Noah and Elias, remembers seeing their lips moving, but doesn't remember what they said.

Before he can stop it, there are tears slipping down his cheeks. Matt is so fucking sick of crying. He's tired of feeling like this. 

And he hates that he knows that it's his own damn fault. 

The idea of seeing you again - of you seeing him like this - makes his skin crawl. He promised to leave you alone after the game, and he’s ashamed that all it took was an Instagram post and a little too much liquor for him to come crawling back. 

The selfish part of him pipes up again. You can't help it. You love her. She's yours. 

Being here, in your apartment, your bedroom, makes Matt dizzy. He needs to leave. Now. 

He’s in such a rush to leave, roughly wiping at the tears on his face, he almost doesn't notice the pair of pills on the nightstand, a glass of water set on a coaster beside them. He hesitates for a moment, but decides that he doesn't want to feel like a trainwreck for the rest of the day, and downs the pills with a gulp of water. 

There's clattering in the kitchen, preventing him from a stealthy escape. Matt is shocked when you don't let him leave, head spinning with exhaustion and confusion and really - just your presence. He can't stop staring at you. Even like this, in a hoodie and leggings, Matt thinks you're the most beautiful fucking thing he's ever seen. 

This is too domestic. He shouldn't be here. This is too intimate. Too much. 

This isn't for you. Brady is the one who should be here. Matt flinches when the thought slithers into his head, but before he can make it out the door, you're turning from the stove and practically yelling at him to sit. You sound like his mom, he thinks, but sits anyways. 

When you ask him about Autumn, Matt thinks he might die. Right then and there, he wishes the floor would swallow him whole. But instead of that happening, his stupid fucking mouth moves to vomit out the words before his brain catches up. “I was sick of seeing him hurt you, I watched him hurt you for so long, Y/N, I held you while you cried and I - I never want to be the one to make you feel like that.” 

This was the most you'd spoken in months, and even through the pain of seeing you again, Matt can't help but be overcome with relief. You didn't hate him. Matt feels dazed through the rest of the conversation, just barely focusing as a result of your presence addling his brain even as you snap at him to shut up. Until - until - 

“..Brady and I are not together…he’s not it for me.” 

Matt freezes, the words rattling inside his skull.

Not it for me not it for me not it for me 

Matt shoves half a piece of French toast in his mouth, barely chewing it before swallowing and repeating your words back to him. You laugh at his bewilderment, your fingers curling around his own as you speak. 

He's going to kill Brady, he decides as he finishes off the rest of his toast, immediately. His little brother is a menace and it’s finally going to catch up to him. 

But he needs to hear you say it first. He needs it.

Then Matt is tugging you to stand up, and your hands are wrapping around his neck as he gets closer. 

And you say it. 

“I love you too Matty.” 

And then he's kissing you. 

Finally - finally - he's kissing you and you love him.

You love him. 

Matt feels like he wants to cry again, this time for a completely different reason. The pain he'd felt this morning starts to drain away as you press yourself closer to him, hand slipping up to card through his curls. He pulls back to look at you for a moment, grin so wide he thinks his face might break. He leans in again, giving you one, two, three, four more kisses. With every kiss, Matt feels a piece of his heart returning to its place. 

“Say it again,” he pleads, eyes fluttering closed as you whisper against his lips. 

“I love you, Matthew, more than anything, I love you.” 

And later, when you're giggling against his mouth on the couch as his fingers graze your ticklish sides and you're whispering the three words over and over and over again, he knows it's true. 

He's it for you, you're it for him. 

Matt loves you. 

But more importantly, you love him.

FIN (for real this time)