#ill do stamps tomorrow

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[lovers-rck]

Abby when my period RAAHHHHHH

ok i know this request was about something smutty but i happen to be on my period and it came out a lot softer than i had intended so I APOLOGIZE..... smutty abby coming soon (we hope)

but enjoy

☆

"do we have those chips that we ate the other day?"

the christmas lights that are taped to your bedroom wall with tape stolen from your ex-roommate are slowly peeling off. abby looks at them.

"uhh... the orange ones?" she says, her gaze returning to the computer in front of her.

"yes" a mild pain settles in your abdomen; a warning of the upcoming colic.

"lev ate them all" abby's fingers type rapidly, the word counter increasing second by second.

"oh my god" you protest, more from the upcoming pain than from the chips "tell your child not to eat my food"

abby laughs lightly without stopping writing "it's not my child, for your information" thousands of daggers attack your abdomen "i'll buy you more tomorrow".

the pain takes your breath away. your body twists in on itself like a little bug looking for warmth to soothe the pain.

the pain lasts for a minute or so, but you can swear it lasted hours; your body is the trojan horse and the warriors inside your belly were out to fight tooth and nail, but against yourself.

your mouth lets out a moan of pain and abby turns around. she sees your body curled in on itself, your face contorted in winces of pain and she could swear she'd buy you all the chips you wanted if it would ease the pain.

abby gets up from her chair and her stocking-clad feet with your face stamped on them scurry across the room. your valentine's day present.

she gave you a t-shirt that reads "my girlfriend is better than yours".

"are you okay?" abby mentally beats herself up for asking such an obvious question "do you need anything?"

you shake your head and feel the warmth of her hand on your shoulder "just a second".

abby nods even when you can't see her. the pain lingers for a few more seconds, leaving your body for short moments and then fiercely attacks again.

"this is lev's fault" you joke, and abby knows it's her cue to go along.

her body climbs onto the bed, her muscles navigate between the sheets and blankets resting on the mattress, her freckled skin finds yours and her arms capture your body, enveloping it in a warmth that can cure all ill.

"no" you mutter "you have to finish the essay abby".

you try to pull away from abby, to detach yourself from her alluring warmth. that essay has been dwelling in abby's mouth, between her molars and gums, for months. you remember the countless times abby mentioned to you how important that essay was, how it could ruin or resolve her life, how nervous and anxious she was.

basically, it was very important.

but abby is abby, and she's a very committed girlfriend "don't be stupid" a breeze of freckles and moles comes back to invade you and press you against her body "it's my break".

you roll your eyes, abby never took breaks, but you decided to grant yourself the right to be a little selfish about her future and say nothing, resting your head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat.

abby's fingers dance through the fine hair on your head, untangling imperceptible knots and combing through each strand, blessing it with her warm touch belonging to a movie summer. you remember the time abby asked you if you were jealous of the sun that kissed her skin and caused more and more freckles with each passing summer; you laughed and tapped her shoulder playfully.

and to your stupidity, you did feel a little bit jealous

"you know what, i have the theory that every time you kiss me i get a new freckle" abby had said, she had sunglasses on but you could feel her gaze on yours "maybe you can test it"

that summer you gave her a million kisses.

"Do you want some painkillers?" abby mumbles, her words vibrating in her chest.

"i can handle it" you look at her. she's grimacing "what?"

"whatever" abby says and her breath hits your face.

wait a moment.

"stick out your tongue" you say

"what?"

"just do it!"

her hand rests on your lower back, her fingers make small circular motions, your chest bumps against hers.

when abby sticks out her tongue, you can see how it is slightly tinged orange.

"you ate the chips!" you yell.

abby's cheeks redden slightly and her laughter is loud. her body vibrates under yours.

"you're a liar!" you say, a smile growing on your face against your will "you fucking liar!"

abby continues to laugh and her hand comes to rest on the back of your neck, drawing your lips to hers.

she laughs some more and kisses you, slow and sweet with a disguised apology unraveling on your lips. abby opens her mouth wider and you can taste the salty taste of your stolen food.

"you're a liar" you whisper against her lips, her hand still on the back of your neck, holding you against her "i'll tell this to lev."

forehead to forehead, you can see abby's eyes narrow at your smile "i'm sorry" abby whispers too, leaving a small kiss on your lips "can you forgive me?"

she scatters small kisses all over your face: down your cheeks; the bridge of your nose; the bone of your cheekbones; the corner of your mouth; over your eyelids.

"please?" abby murmurs, her fingers caressing your cheeks "huh?" you slowly deny, a smile escaping from the corner of your lips "you don't forgive me?"

you deny again, and abby's mouth meets yours again. she kisses you so slowly that you forget for a second the stabbing pain of the colic attacking your body, you feel drunk, lost in the wetness of her tongue searching for a home in your mouth, so delicate and erotic at the same time.

"and now?" abby murmurs, her pupils dilated, her hand on the back of your neck.

"that's manipulation" you whisper, feeling her heart beat stronger.

she shrugs, caressing your jaw and neck "I just use the tools I have at my disposal"

you smile and leave a kiss on the tip of her nose "you forgave me?" she continues.

"i'm considering it" you murmur, and the blonde girl's lips invade yours again.

[moonstruckme]

OOOOO I didn’t realize you wrote for steddie x R!!! Can I request your version of what would happen if reader came down with a nasty stomach bug from work and our boys tried to take care of her only to end up with it themselves? (Totally not projecting my own unfortunate current demise 🫠)

Thanks for requesting lovely! Feel better <3

cw: mentions of nausea, stomach pain, not eating due to illness

poly!Steddie x fem!reader ♡ 759 words

“Poor little lovebug.” You’ve given up on trying to deter Eddie as he sets his lips to your temple, cuddling close, but you and Steve exchange a look. 

The other boy rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to take care of both of you,” he says. You all know it’s an empty threat. “If you get yourself sick, you’re on your own.” 

“I’m helping,” Eddie argues, lips meandering down to your neck. You inhale softly as the muscles in your abdomen spasm painfully, and his hands are there in a second, pressing over the sore spot like it’s a wound he can stopper. “What’re you doing, Harrington? She doesn’t want your lame toast.” 

Steve softens. “She’s gotta eat something, though.” He looks to you, almost apologetic as he says, “It’s toast or cheerios, honey. Unless you think you can stomach something more.” 

You shake your head, snuggling into Eddie. He makes a happy sound, adjusting his position to tuck you under his chin and get you more securely in his arms. You’re sick of being sick. It’s only day one of the stomach flu several of your coworkers have said they didn’t get over for three days, and you’re well and truly fed up with it. Fed up with being nauseous and achy and alternately too hot or too cold. 

Steve had discovered upon his early-morning search that there’s not one thermometer between the three of you and has been debating going to the store to get one, but says he’s reluctant to leave you in the hands of the most inept caretaker possible (your very sweet and loving boyfriend). Eddie is ambivalent; he says you don’t need a thermometer anyway, because his lips are the best gauge there is (he keeps pressing them to your forehead and making sizzling noises, which Steve only found funny the first time but entertains you and Eddie to no end).

Eddie fully gives over to your self-indulgent tendencies in not eating, but Steve is watching you with a dissatisfied little furrow between his brows. He crouches by the bed, feeling your face with one hand and reaching for the nightstand with the other. 

“At least have some gatorade, then,” he capitulates, holding the bottle out toward you. “You’ve gotta stay hydrated.” 

You feel guilty and sit up. Eddie protests at your moving, but Steve gives you a smile as you drink. 

“You’re really a ton of help,” he snarks at Eddie, though he reaches down, carding a hand through his boyfriend’s curls. 

“I’m just succumbing to my fate.” Eddie shrugs. “I’m gonna be sick tomorrow, may as well start acting like it now.” 

“It’s not as fun as it looks,” you say between sips, then regret it. Your face heats as both boys’ expressions turn pitying. 

Eddie wraps a hand around your hip, squeezing lovingly, and Steve says, “I know, honey. You wanna nap for a while? We’ll give your stomach a chance to settle before we try with the toast again.” 

You nod and let Eddie wrestle you back down onto the mattress, pulling you snugly against him. “Think of it this way—at least soon, you’ll have a companion in your misery.” 

And by the next morning, you do. But it’s not Eddie. 

“Toast,” Eddie begs, shoving the piece of bread forward like he’s jousting with it. “C’mon, baby, just a few bites.” 

Steve groans, crossing his arms over his head. “Later,” he bargains. “I can’t do it right now.” 

Eddie looks to you desperately. “Did you finish your water?”

“Mhm.” You give the empty bottle a little shake as proof, and your boyfriend sighs in relief. 

“Good girl.” He bends over you, stamping his lips to your forehead firmly. “Thank you, sweetheart.” 

You hum and reach for his hand, but Steve grabs you, turning you around and hugging you to his chest possessively. You’re more than alright with this, nuzzling his stubble while he splays a hand on your back. 

“You know what? Fuck you, Harrington.” Eddie slaps the piece of toast on Steve’s shoulder and leaves it there. “Can’t believe you’d fucking do this to me. That better be gone when I get back.” 

“Where are you going?” Steve asks, smugness evident in his tone. 

“To get a fucking thermometer!” 

Steve’s chuckle rumbles through the both of you, and you smile against his neck. 

“You’re enjoying this way too much,” you tell him. 

“Yeah, I don’t know what you were talking about.” He kisses your cheek, his lips as warm as your skin. “This is tons of fun.”

[rishiguro]

EVANESCENT; MASTERLIST

evanescent (/ɛvəˈnɛs(ə)nt,iːvəˈnɛs(ə)nt/) — “soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing.”

—an iwaizumi hajime x reader series

GENRE: angst. some fluff and crack to lighten the mood.

WARNINGS: tragedy. major character death. discussions about (terminal) illnesses, death, medical terms, pancreatic cancer and copd. hospitals. language (swearing and suggestive). jokes about illnesses and death. passive suicidal ideation. pet names and insults. atsumu gets bullied (but tbh they all bully each other). mention and consumption of alcohol.

TAGLIST: open. comment to be added — dni rules apply

NOTE: please notify me if any information provided in the info posts (at the bottom) is inaccurate. i‘m no medical professional. this is pure fiction and not based on any real events or people. time stamps are not random.

DISCLAIMER: haikyu!! characters are owned by haruichi furudate. any pictures used are not mine and are there for inspiration only.

INFO: mix of smau and written content. chapters with “✎﹏” include written content. currently replacing the images in chapters 28-43 -> please read the psa on dark & light mode use.

TEASER

INTRODUCTION

(y/n)‘s group | iwaizumi‘s group

CHAPTERS

01; the hot stranger

02; “i didn’t miss this”

03; vending machines ✎﹏

04; dms

05; “absolutely not”

06; date

07; “boyfriend???” ✎﹏

08; rain check

09; apologies ✎﹏

10; “definitely more than friends”

11; “it’s not like i’m dying”

12; visit ✎﹏

13; communication

14; “you look like shit”✎﹏

15; surgery

16; “who are you?” ✎﹏

17; kyoutani kentaro

18; “so who are they?” ✎﹏

19; new steps

20; “wdym he isn’t your boyfriend?”

21; comfort ✎﹏

22; exams

23; “finally”

24; date ✎﹏

25; “totally not your boyfriend”

26; results

27; good news ✎﹏

28; adulting

29; “how’s life?”

30; “allergic to doctors”

31; collapse ✎﹏

32; “i screwed up” ✎﹏

33; back to business

34; “being an adult really sucks”

35; not the full truth

36; love ✎﹏

37; welcome home

38; “i should have a private room”

39; “he doesn’t know?”

40; stage iv ✎﹏

41; “fancy add-ons”

42; daily life

43; bad jokes ✎﹏

44; “brownies? or cookies?”

45; overwhelmed ✎﹏

46; no contact

47; “i’m scared” ✎﹏

48; pinky promise ✎﹏

49; “this is boring”

50; special

51; transferred ✎﹏

52; helpless

53; “wait, you’re going to die?” ✎﹏

54; “i don’t want to talk about it”

55; “i’m not letting you do this alone” ✎﹏

56; tired ✎﹏

57; best friend

58; assistance ✎﹏

59; “i don’t want to die” ✎﹏

60; “since when are nurses hot?”

61; friendship

62; “see you tomorrow”

63; “what?” ✎﹏

64; “i need you”

65; denial

66; visit ✎﹏

67; evanescent

THE END

EXTRAS

about copd | about pancreatic cancer

playlist

STATUS: ongoing. irregular updates.

[godza]

Should I make a neocities this week

I'll have a lot of free time after tomorrow since no more midterms or quizzes until after thanksgiving

YES!!!!!!!! u saw my insta story teehee. i have so many fucking links saved for website stuff if u have any questions at all ask me! i may not be able to solve hard html problems but i know general css.

heres some links to get you started, idk ur level of coding so ill throw whatever at you!! you took computer class youll do great

w3schools library of html/css tutorials. good for learning how to do little things and the basics

sadgrls links links for general websitery. includes a free layout template to tinker with!

scripted neocities where i get more cosmetic codes. tons of fun borders fonts and containers

pixelsafari a hoard of cute pixel art. includes dividers stamps teeny pixels and more

lmk if you need anything bro if you decide to make one im excited to see whatever orange thing you produce

[donovanlizzie]

THE CORPSWOMAN

CHAPTER TWO - Becoming a Corpsman

"Next!" The enlistment man grumbled as one more wanna be marine was turned down because of ill health.  Evangeline shuffled forward, swallowing hard.

" Evangeline Yoet, I'm here for the corpsman position?" she said handing the man her ID card and papers. " Corpsman?" The man scoffed not even looking at the papers. " How could a woman like you be a corpsman? Do you know what the battle field is like girl?" He seethed.  " I know sir, my father has treated soldiers  before and as you can see from my resumé if you care to look, that i am as highly qualified as any doctor  you might already have in the entire United States Army sir" Evangeline retorted making the woman enlister next to him snigger slightly. The man huffed and began to look over her papers. " impressive" he said quietly, handing the papers back to her as he stamped another sheet of paper and gave that to the medical inspectors. " go behind the curtain fo a health check" 

The nurse weighed, measured and asked Evangeline about her medical history. Once that was over she was directed to collect her uniform and basic kit bag. " welcome corpsman " Another woman smiled as she handed Evangeline her dog tags that she had been working on whilst she was undergoing her medical exam.  "Thank you" Evangeline smiled picking up the dark green bag pack.

There was a small briefing that had to be listen to before Everyone left, all of the new recruits would have to be at the docks by 08:00 the next day to be taken to the training ground which was on a island they had never heard of before, a few miles away from training camp. 

Evangeline's training wouldn't be as intense as the rest , seeing as she was a corpsman, but she was told it would still be tough, also being told she would've to redo the practical medical exam and learn to work under pressure and in a time slot.

When Evangeline returned her mother was sat in silence. She could tell she had been crying and not taken the news well. " I got in" Evangeline spoke, walking further into the kitchen.  " When do you leave?" My father asked as She placed her uniform On the dining room table, and sat Down in the chair at the head of the table. 

"Tomorrow, 08:00, we have to be at the training grounds as soon as possible" Evangeline breathed. "Promise you'll be smart and safe Evangeline" her Mother spoke quietly, " and write when ever you can do you hear me?" she placed her hand on Evangeline's shoulder.  "Of course" she replied looking over at her father, who sat back in his chair with a grim expression on his face.

    The following morning Evangeline was up at 06:00 to pack and change into her uniform. She put on a white T-shirt, trousers which were held up by braces, socks, army boots and then an army jacket.  She tucked the shirt into her trousers and her trousers into her boots. then tied her hair in to a bun. 

She packed the essentials that the enlistment officers had already given her; Blanket, poncho and a spare change of clothes and would be given the rest of the stuff once she got to the grounds. Evangeline also packed her sewing kit and a small medical pack that her father insisted she take in case they 'run out of supplies'.

She went to zip her pack up when she caught sight of the leather journal the shop keeper had given her.  She  stuffed the leather journal in her front jacket pocket along with a few pencils.

Evangeline quietly walked down the stairs putting her bag by the door and walked to the kitchen, for what would be the last time until the war was over... or forever.

Quickly making a pot of coffee she sat at the table watching the clock tick nervously knowing she would have to leave soon. "Are you ready?" Her father questioned coming behind her.  "Yes" She breathed downing the rest of her coffee and placing it on the table. " I'm ready to go"

" Go say good bye to your mother, I'll get the car started" he said nodding is head towards the front door.

Evangeline carefully made her way back up the stairs to her mother and fathers room. "Mamma?" she questioned opening the door to the dark room. Her mother was laying on the bed facing away from her. 

Evangeline walked over and climbed on top of the covers laying next to her mother, on her back.  " I'll come home mamma, I promise" Evangeline said breathing out slightly.  "Make sure you do Eva, make sure you do" she said her voice breaking a little. "Good bye ma" She said climbing back off the bed. " I'll write you when I get to the camp". Walking out of the room and back down the stairs Evangeline could see her fathers car headlights beaming through the house as the door was wide open. She took one last look in the house before grabbing her pack and clambering into the car.

===================================================

    "Boarding will commence in 5 minutes" the announcement barked through the speakers at the docs. " Good luck Evangeline" Her father stated looking down at her, a stone cold look on his face. 

"I hope you know what you've got yourself in for" He grumbled, awkwardly placing his hand on his daughters shoulder.

Evangeline smiled slightly, "See you dad, I'll make you proud".

    The docs were buzzing with young Marines Eager to join the war and serve their country. Their family members waving them off on shore. Evangeline walked to the loading bridge and was met with another officer.

" Name" He barked. "Yoet, Evangeline?" She answered trying to sneak a glance at the huge list of names he had on his clipboard.  He pulled the papers closer to his chest and crossed Her name off " move in" he grumbled eyeing her suspiciously. Before Evangeline stepped onto the boat, She looked back at her father who was now stood with his hands in his pockets he gave her a stern nod, Evangeline returned it and boarded.

    Everywhere she looked there were hordes of men bunched together laughing and joking. "What's your name ?" An MP asked. " Yoet sir" Evangeline replied. He, once again checked her name off a list. " New corpsman? Your bunk it down the hall in the room to the left, we tried to get u a private room for now" he said pointing down the crowded hallway.  Evangeline thanked him and moved on as he turned to speak to the next confused looking marine.

She found her bunk quite quickly and threw Her bags on the bed as the boat started to pull away from the docks.  Evangeline stayed seated in the empty four bunk room hoping that she had it to herself for the time being, sitting on the top of the two bunks on left hand side of the room. 

Half hour later she decided to go back to the canteen of the ship to see if she could grab some form of food or a coffee from the cooks. Seeing as none of the other marines had anything better to do or eaten that morning and much to Evangeline's dismay the entire ship had decided to crown the canteen in hopes for some food. luckily she managed to grab a small coffee and scurry back to her bunk dismissing the strange looks a few of the men gave her, deciding that she would sleep it off until dinner that night.

  Dinner was served around 17:00 and was being handed out in the canteen, once Evangeline collected her chow, she spotted a few marines sitting in the corner with a spare seat next to them. " excuse me, do you mind if I join you?" She asked a blonde boy with his back to her.

" yeah- sit its alright-" he begun before he and the other marines at the table realised she was a girl. " well what the hells a Dame doing on a Marine ship?" A Brown haired boy mused. 

" I'm a training corpsman, I haven't been assigned to a company yet" Evangeline explained sipping her coffee. "You might be assigned to K company" the blonde boy pointed out " I heard their last corpsman didn't end up so good"  " I heard he was bludgeoned to death by the Japs after he was captured" A black haired marine stated chewing on his bread. " Don't worry doll, were in the new Queen company, if your with us w'll look after you" he winked  " Surely  that's a war crime?  To beat a medic in the field? " Evangeline questioned finishing the rest of her drink. "Well when you have the medic band on your arm it's more or less a target" one of them jeered, "no corpsman, no medic, no medic the quicker the solders are defeated I guess". "A-and what happened to the 'old Queen company?" She asked not knowing if she'd like the answer. "Apparently the whole company was annihilated from jap ammo, wrong place wrong time" The man with black hair who sat in front of her replied, chewing on a piece of bread. Evangeline swallowed, a sinking feeling set in her stomach , as she thought  about her brother. "Right" she replied nervously, losing her appetite completely.

   —————- The morning after the new recruits had made it to the training camp that was on a patch of island called Pavuvu. The Marines had already captured the island and were now using it to help train the marines capture the reminder of Japanese islands.  "Yoet, sector 5!" Evangeline's name was called as soon as she stepped off the ship. 

she quickly rushed to her sector with her things, General Swartz was waiting for her .  "Nice of you to finally join us Corpsman " he smiled. We continued to the medical examinations. All she needed to do was a few written tests and physical activities to prepare her for bullet wounds to blown off limbs.  "All right Yoet, you can join Queen company for field training today, you can leave your stuff with me, ill look after it for you until your barracks are ready" Swartz smiled picking up the identification papers and putting them in her file.     After the first field test , the barracks were finally ready.   Evangeline had collected her stuff and picked Her bed. She began to write her mother and father a letter to tell them she had made it to the training ground and what the place was like and that the recruits including herself, would be sent to their assigned companies in the next few months.

    The months that followed were physical torture, everyday The companies would wake up at 05:00, run the entirety of the training ground before breakfast and then be spent down to the gun Corpsmen  were all made to run across the field whilst being shot at, thankfully no one was hurt. "Marines!" An MP shouted " Tomorrow morning you will be taken to your companies, good luck and welcome to the war!" 

[ a/n:  I understand that some of the stuff I wrote in the training aspects are not true and just for the story ]

CHAPTER THREE

[melikochan]

11, Sona and Varl

Varl had barely seen his mother in weeks. After their defeat at the Ring of Metal, Sona had sequestered herself up in the watchtowers of Mother's Crown. She kept guard night and day, barely sleeping or eating. Varl was getting worried. Each of his offers to take over the watch or replace her with another Brave were rebuked in turn.

After a frustrating day of arguing with Resh about their next actions, Varl made the hike up to Mother's Crown, arriving late into the night. He could see his mother's silhouette stalking across the tower. With a groan, he made the long climb up.

When he pulled himself up onto the tower, breathless, his mother barely spared him a glance. "You're winded. You need to spend more time training."

Varl ignored the jibe. "Mother, this is getting ridiculous. We need you down in the Embrace. If I have to remind Resh that we're warriors, not children, one more time..."

"Do not speak ill of your elders."

"Resh isn't half the warrior you are. You're our War Chief, not him. Your duty is with the rest of the Braves, not up here."

"My duty is to protect the Sacred Lands."

Varl huffed in frustration, resisting the urge to stamp his feet like the child Resh claimed him to be. "It wasn’t your fault," he finally murmured, weeks of repressed grief bleeding through his voice.

Sona looked, finally looked, at him harshly. "Hush, child."

Though Sona's voice was as cold and unyielding as the metal that tore their tribe asunder, Varl could not hold his tongue.

"No, mother, it wasn't your fault! No one could have know about the killers. They snuck into the Sacred Lands, avoiding the Carja and our scouts alike. They bear strange weapons, technology stripped from ancient demons. They warped the machines, turning them into killers. How could we hope to fight them on their own terms? Vala fought well to defend our tribe, and she died a Brave—you should be proud."

"Must I repeat myself? You know not what you speak, boy!"

For one terrifying moment, Sona looked as if she might strike him, but Varl did not flinched. He didn't back down.

"Maybe I don't, but I know that blaming yourself won't bring back our War Party, and it won't bring back my sister. All any of us can do is fight to avenge our fallen, and honor the sacrifice they made. And we can't do that without your leadership, mother. War Chief."

Sona turned away from him and stared out across the mountains, fingers gripping the railing tight enough for Varl to see the tendons bulge in her hands.

"Very well," she eventually spoke, startling Varl with her sudden concession. "Tomorrow, we return to Mother's Watch."

[ethernetmeep]

i forgot to give an update: im home now! i got home awhile ago actually.. eating late dinner and or latest of lunches pretty soon… i think im doing a bit better. currently listening to music and the works.. remembering memories from earlier today! both good and bad ones..

good memories: fun stuff in chess! that entire ordeal was really fun, maybe the highlight of my day.. got to talk with my friend again, uhh. Uhm. yeah. also wearing one of my favorite shirts. It used to be mediocre, but now whenever i think of it i get fond memories so i like to wear it often.. when im home, i mean. i can’t exactly wear this everyday. got to give two people hugs, but general reasons were more depressing.. also got to joke around with my acquaintance. he definitely has blackmail on me now. also butterflies! stamps! things i enjoy!

bad memories: me scampering around like a lost dog because the teacher i went to go see to talk to was eating lunch and i. Um. As stated before absolutely despise being in loud places when i dont need to.. crocodile tears (is that the right way to use that?) because i am… very sensitive and nervous all the time. um. also the fact the event was really loud.. i must’ve really upset this girl today because i was accidentally butting into a conversation again in my third period and she proceeded to give me a side eye then whisper off to her friend, said upset girl probably was ticked off by me being at the event.. i did not know the rules! i dont know social stuff! im gonna have to apologize to her tomorrow. i also feel immensely bad for the fact i mentioned said crying aloud earlier— i don’t mean to! im just a bad liar and love talking about things.. even if those things are not exactly great, as see here. also feel bad for the fact ive navigated social situations so badly today.. im so bad at reading tone its an issue. i hope im not being annoying..

im trying to not be a debbie downer though.. i have so many things to look forward to! different ideas and plans… new vermis book + gift which will be here.. sometime…. the museums i have to check out… having to ask my old art teacher if he knows any niche [insert specific architecture i cannot say without getting embarrassed] nearby or even far away.. also more general planning to try and make others happy is something i do rather constantly just because if i dont id probably go insane. ill be okay, i just end up soaking up emotions.. all the time. hopefully tomorrow will be better, but regardless im happy cause i got to hang out with people i enjoy so im content

[plutoniclol]

Cookie Run OC bullshit

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY ART UNLESS I GIVE YOU PERMISSION! (REBLOGS APPRECIATED THOUGH)

POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR COOKIE RUN

sorry its been a while since ive actually posted

but anyways

this is White Tea Cookie! he is a Crème Republican, and is Clotted Cream Cookie’s boyfriend!! He is part of a lesser known House, the Tea Clan.

as the sheet says, he is the heir (i didn’t know what other words to use lol) to becoming the leader. his father, Oolong Tea Cookie, is ill, so White Tea Cookie has had to take charge.

White Tea Cookie hates taking leadership, it stresses him out a lot.

White Tea Cookie’s family consists of:

his father: Oolong Tea Cookie

his mother: Crystal Sugar Cookie

his older sister: Chamomile Tea Cookie

and the triplet sisters (from oldest to youngest): Honey Tea Cookie, Rooibos Tea Cookie, and Black Tea Cookie

(these are super rough sketches 😭)

cracks knuckles*

so how does Clotted Cream Cookie know White Tea Cookie?

they were actually childhood friends of sorts.

one day, a young Clotted Cream Cookie was out and about, when he saw a cookie with white hair and blue eyes, sitting by the fountain.

they befriended each other in a matter of minutes, and they would often play, sometimes even at the other cookie’s home.

but eventually, Custard Cookie (WE HATE HIM) saw this, and dragged Clotted Cream Cookie away, saying “a future elder should not mingle with the common folk.” or some shit. little did he know that cookie is in one of the houses just. it’s lesser known.

Clotted Cream Cookie always sat by the window, staring at the fountain, but the cookie seemed to never appear again. he eventually forgot about them. or atleast, it seemed so.

one day (when he’s consul), Clotted Cream Cookie receives a letter. it smelled like freshly brewed tea, and had a green wax stamp with a leaf on it. he opened it, and read the letter.

Dear, young consul. I hope this letter finds you in good health. I’m unsure if you remember me, but I remember you. I hope to see you again. If you are not busy, let us meet tomorrow at the fountain at sunset. I hope to meet you there, old friend. - Heir to the Tea Clan

Clotted Cream Cookie was, admittedly, confused. he thinks he’s never heard of the Tea Clan before, but it did sound a bit familiar. what did this cookie mean by ‘old friend?’ he decided to go anyway, seeing as the cookie knew him well.

when Clotted Cream Cookie arrived, he saw a cookie with white hair and blue eyes, smiling at him.

wait.

Clotted Cream knew this cookie, the cookie he used to play with when he was still in his youth! he couldn’t believe it!

White Tea Cookie admitted to Clotted Cream Cookie that he had missed him, and, though Clotted Cream Cookie forgot about White Tea Cookie, a part of him missed him too

and uhh yeah gay shit

idk how to end this lol

White Tea Cookie and Clotted Cream Cookie were pretty much almost inseparable when they started dating. and if they did, it was usually because of work.

their favorite place together is the Tea Clan’s greenhouse, where they grow tea leaves and stuff. the greenhouse has a little pavilion area where cookies can hang out at, though its usually White Tea Cookie and Clotted Cream Cookie.

learn more here:

applebees

[spookylittletownhq]

MAXWELL FLETCHER has arrived in Albion. While they may seem FAMILIAR, they are connected to the WESTERLY FOOTHILLS HOPKINS. Their passport was stamped at Falls Inn and shows that they are 33, 6'1", with BROWN HAIR and BLUE-GRAY EYES. Mrs. Kuiper at the Inn said that they seemed NEAT and INTELLIGENT, though they were seen SMOKING as they departed St. Catharine’s Depot. Be wary, and report any sightings to Madame Lange’s Tea Room.

Selected excerpts from the journals of Maxwell Fletcher...

It is sunny today. Mother is making sandwiches. She says we will have a picnic and she will tell me about Norah. She is the girl in the tree. I do not see her but Mother says we have met. The tree is very pretty. Mother says I can try the tea she makes from the flowers if I want. I hope it will taste good.

~

March 3, 1899

Alfie was telling the other boys how annoying his younger siblings are. He told me how lucky I was to be an only child. I didn't say anything after that. I don't think I will say anything to him ever again. It's late while I'm writing this, and I'm sitting under the magnolia tree. I can't sleep again. Mother says Norah wasn't even a month old when she passed. She never cries when she talks about Norah. She just says God needed her more than we did.

~

June 28, 1900

If some animals are nocturnal, maybe some people are nocturnal, too. I think I'll go to the library tomorrow and try to find a book about nocturnal animals. I don't know what time it is, but Mother and Father are asleep. The moon is so full and bright it's like another sun. Looking at the moon doesn't hurt your eyes, though. I understand why animals would want to be awake right now.

~

October 5, 1903

Mother found a tea recipe she thinks might help me sleep when I can't on my own. We dried the ingredients together and she brewed some for me this evening. It's mostly valerian and lavender with a few other things. The taste is strong. I'm not sure if I like it, but I do feel a bit calmer.

~

March 13, 1909 - clear

I feel mad as a march hare. This is a rough bout. I snapped at father when he rose this morning to start work, and he shouted at me. That woke Mother, and he berated her for taking my side when I'm always making it difficult for everyone. I tried to work in the garden to calm my nerves, but the trowel kept slipping from my hands and I pruned too much of the rosemary. I'm scared it will wilt. But Mother came outside and laid my my head in her lap like a child, right there in the dirt. I nearly cried.

~

September 4, 1916 - some clouds

Mrs. Wilcox came to call upon me today, needing ingredients for a potion. She is such a vain, distasteful woman. Why she insists on doing business with me rather than elsewhere, I don't understand. As I gathered her order, she criticized nearly every step I took. Apparently I had the radio turned too loud and she couldn't hear herself think, even though it was barely above a murmur. The fact I don't have any of my pots labelled continues to send her into a fit, but I continued to assure her I knew what everything was and there wouldn't be any mix-ups. And just as I was packing everything up, she began screaming about licorice root - the first time she had mentioned it since walking in. At this point my nerves were frayed, but she kept badgering me. I did notice a sharp tingle as I trimmed the roots for her, but I couldn't bring myself to care. She's probably just making some kind of beauty cream for herself. Serves her right if it should turn out a little sour.

~

September 7, 1916 - rain

News has reached me that young Aubrey Wilcox is very ill. I've scarcely been able to eat since I heard. My tea doesn't help at all. Mrs. Wilcox came looking for ingredients for her son, not for herself. The potion was for him. She never said a word to explain herself, and I was so put out with her, I didn't ask. I swear had I known, I never would have given her the licorice root once I realized I'd tainted it. What if it can't return to how it was? I have half a mind to dump the whole plant in the woods and ask for a cutting of someone else's to start from scratch. Please dear God, let the boy heal.

~

September 9, 1916 - misting rain

Aubrey Wilcox has passed.

~

September 23, 1916 - clear

Mother has proposed I leave the valley. Or "take a sabbatical," as she graciously phrased it. Even she can tell I'm not wanted here. I have less friends now than I've ever had, and I didn't have many to start with. If I do decide to leave, Mother offered to help me pack up my plants - at least the ones that can easily be maneuvered and would have no trouble growing outside the valley. I would have to leave so much of my work behind. But what is the point if I have nothing to tether to?

~

November 17, 1923 - cloudy

I brewed myself a pot of Mother's magnolia tea this evening, but as I took a sip it tasted strange. Bitter, almost ashy in a way that's hard to describe. It's never tasted like this before. I keep looking out the window toward the valley. I know she only makes the tea with Norah's magnolia blossoms. I have nothing but my instinct to go off of, being so far away, but something is not right. The tree must be ill, though I can't tell how just yet. Mother hasn't said anything in her letters about crops failing or pests sweeping through. I would have to examine it in person. Or perhaps Norah

---

Welcome welcome to the valley! Please send in your account within 24 hours -- and follow the checklist to get set up. 💚

[dalelans]

A proverb of hell

Slightly drunk, I was sitting on a dry hill at dusk. A devil with black wings descended onto an outcropping of rocks. He folded the wings up behind him and they became a dripping cape. He narrowed his eyes on me and began to preach.

“Ah, speck of matter! This is a mostly dead planet, molten rock and iron, thinly coated in some dew and vapors that have not yet diffused into the vacuum. How did you come to be awake on this fine evening?”

And so I began to recite, to the extent that I understood them, modern theories of biogenesis, evolution by means of natural selection, and recent cognitive adaptations in the hominid lineage. This visibly bored him, and he shot back: “Yes, but then why are you a slave?”

I was taken aback. I reassured him that we had nearly stamped out the institution of slavery and that human progress in general has been remarkable over the past few millenia. Besides, I was quite free. He laughed when I said “we” and then again at “human progress”.

“You are a slave because you fear the consequences that you imagine your actions will have.”

Who could know this devil’s purpose in coming to me? In any case, I was now fully in the mood for socratic dialogue. I responded.

“Is this not adaptive and largely pro-social behavior? Does the prosperity of the human species not follow from our willingness to subjugate ourselves in a culture of our fellows?”

“Ah, wouldn’t a reason to remain subjugated be convenient? But the imagined consequences of your behaviors are mostly inaccurate, particularly in the realms of social and cultural dynamics. Your species is remarkably bad at counterfactual reasoning, heavily biased towards the worst-case scenario. The origins of this deficiency are myriad: sheepish obedience, stupidity, intellectual laziness, a lack of creativity, it goes on. Fortunately, these are treatable conditions.” Suddenly my empty flask was filled again with a dark liquor. I tasted it, and it was bitter and psychedelic, like knowledge itself. He continued.

“But even if you were all perfect oracles, your aversion to minor social or physical adversity is vastly miscalibrated to its impact on your life. This makes you embarrassingly meek and unwilling to act according to the truest impulses of your character.

Adaptive? There have been millions of cultures in the history of your species. Almost all have sustained human life and an opiate of material comfort but almost none have promoted human freedom and flourishing. How lucky do you feel about the culture assigned randomly to you at birth?

Pro-social? When you see a homeless person, what prevents you from dropping to your knees and giving what you have until they are whole again? Do you not secretly wish to do that? Is it not your other obligations and your pride that keep you standing upright? If you were called up tomorrow to fight a war you believed to be unjust, are you completely sure that you wouldn’t join in the pointless killing to avoid shame or to gain petty honors? Wouldn’t you justify your actions to yourself by saying ‘I really had no choice'? What is a person ‘who has no choice?’

Put simply, you are a loyal citizen who follows the laws of his culture. But the laws of a culture are just the aggregate actions of slaves who believe themselves to be under constant surveillance. Their masters are everyone else around them, studiously enforcing the laws with the threat of ostracism or censure. But in spite of these pressures, if you act in accord with your own nature, the ship turns a little bit, so to speak, towards freedom. I have seen it happen on other planets, even briefly on this one in the deep past. It is sad to see so many specks of matter awakened and blessed with selfhood shackled by ill-founded fears of each other. In a universe that is almost entirely ‘all-one’, you are wasting a rare thing.”

Now, taking advantage of this moment of sincerity on his part, I scoffed at him a little, mean-spirited and cynically, more to sting him than in actual disagreement. But then I dug in more:

“Fair enough. Be yourself! It could be an advertisement for soda or shoes or taking a vacation! You cherrypicked clever examples, but I think you are advocating for an antisocial personality disorder. Many of us derive great meaning in our lives when we meet the expectations of our families, our communities, and our nations.”

The devil sighed. “Maybe you’re right. Humans may ultimately be junkies for meaning, incapable of lasting freedom. If you didn’t get tired, you’d never go to sleep. If you didn’t get thirsty, you wouldn’t drink. If it didn’t hurt so much to die, you’d probably run to it like stupid cows. Meaning is the same way: you feel good when you ‘play the game’ and bad when you ‘abstain from play’. I suppose creatures truly capable of freedom wouldn’t have reward and punishment wired so deeply into their psyche. It’s the hackiest way to produce selfhood, be sure of that. But I’ll say it again, on this planet there have been those among you who have trusted themselves and each other more than you do now, and they will come again. I believe it is a race between them and the apocalypse.”

He then opened up his filthy wings and flew off to bother someone else, and I noticed it had gotten completely dark.

Eugene

[sand-lily]

flight is tomorrow and theres an ENTIRE ROW of empty seats, and im tempted to move, but i got a window seat and there's still an empty seat between me and whoever got the aisle seat

wanna see the ocean, never seen her before, so i might just stay where i am

kindle is charged with my library books on it, music is updated, i got type C headphones so i dont have to worry about my Bluetooth failing in the sky the way they always do, considering downloading the anime i missed yesterday,, thatll be like 4 of the 13hrs maybe (depends on how much space i have)

going through my closet rn to see what im giving to the homeless shelter,, my clothes are all super fancy, and i remember in my shelter days id KILL for something that wasn't sweats and tshirts and ppl need nice things for interviews too if theyre signing up for housing or food stamps programs because they DO judge your appearance,, if you LOOK homeless ™ theyre l ss likely to help you because youre "not putting in effort" or something

soo ill let them have the $200 dresses and shoes if my sister doesn't want them,,

at the very least they can sell them for money

[shop-korea]

PURPLE - WRIST - REST - IS

AGAIN - SUPER - HUGE - SO

DID - NOT - MEASURE - THE

3 ROUNDS - HAS - SOFT HAI

TAPE - WHAT - I'VE - BEEN

WISHING - SO - WILL - YES

MEASURE - 9:35P EST - MALE

MANAGER - OPENED - MY HAI

DOOR - WHERE - I AM - NAKED

SCRUBBING - HE - CALLS - YES

WOMEN - MENTALLY - ILL - A

TRUE - MISOGYNIST - HATRED

AND - ABUSE - OF - FOREIGN

WOMEN - ESPECIALLY - HE

ATTACKED - BECAUSE

SAT - 1P - 5P - AUTHORS

OF - FLORIDA - MEET THEM

HE - WENT - 2 - LUNCH - TO

GO - TOWARDS - MAIN LIBRARY

HE - HAS - BEEN - STALKING ME

LISTENING - HOW - 2 - MURDER

2 - GET - $150 BILLION - NO USD

NOW - OVER - $250 BILLION AS

HOMELESS - BLKS - WENT

CRAZY - BALD - HEAD THAT

LET - TREE - HIT - MY HEAD

ONLY - BOUGHT - BEER - NO

DRINK - 4 - ME - INLOVE AND

MIAMI - POLICE - ALLOWED

PUBLIC - ALCOHOL - DRINK'G

HE - WAS - JUST - CRAZY - SO

THAT's - DONE - MANAGER

WAS - STALKING ME - THUS

WAS - GOING - 2 - BOX - ME

FRIDAY - NIGHT - TGIF TGIF

SINCE - 1941 - WHEELCHAIR

DEMOCRAT - ROOSEVELT

WHO - PUT - AMERICAN

JAPANESE - CONCENTRATION

CAMPS - STARVED - 3 MEALS

A - DAY - FLORIDA - BEGAN

BAKER - ACT

CONCENTRATION - CAMP

4 - EVERYONE - LESS THAN

3 DAYS - 4 - BIRTH CONTROL

PILLS USER - COED - U SEE

SOMEONE - WENT - ALL THE

WAY - WITH - ME - REALLY

I - KNOW - WHO

3RD - DAY - THEY'RE - YES

PREGNANT - PILLS - 2 HAI

HOW - MANY - KIDS THEY

WANT - NOT - 2 - BURN THE

AREA - LIKE - THE - BLK

GYNECOLOGIST - HE WAS

DESCRIBING - BURNING TUBES

I - SCREAMED - SHUT UP

SHOWED - BABIES - IN - THE

WOMB - HE - AIN'T - GIVING 2

50 AND OLDER - HE SMILED

DR MARIA MEJIA - UGLY

HISPANIC - TOPIRAMAX

SEASONIQUE - SAID - NO

2 - THAT - SHE - SAID BIRTH

CONTROL - A - JOKE - SO IS

BONIVA - BONE - DETERIOR -

RATION - PREVENTOR - JUST

ONCE - PER - MONTH - SHE

SAID - USA - PSYCHO - MEDS

NO 1 - SHE - DOESN'T - GIVE

2 - ST JUDE's - SHE SAID - A

SCAM - 1 UGLY - WEIRDO SO

I - TOOK - IT - AND - STOPPED

BLOODFLOW - NO NEED FOR

GYNOCOLOGY - SO - HAPPY

TOPIRAMAX - 50 MG

TODAY - FOOD STAMPS - $67

FEB - 2 - UC - SIGNALS - 2 ME

2 - MANUALLY - APPLY

DO - I - HAVE - PIG - FARM

LAND - 4 - PROFIT - STUPIDS

DO - I - HAVE STOCKS BONDS

I - ALMOST - HAD - A - HEART

ATTACK - 15 MIN - AGO - NOW

I'M - FINE - SUSHI - 4 - ME SO

SINCE - EBT - DOESNT' - GIVE

MONEY - 4 - DELI - FRIED CKN

CHECKING - 13ST - SUSHI

I'M - 2 - WEAK - 2 - GO - 4

INARI - MAYBE - TONIGHT

BECAUSE - MONDAY - NO

FOOD - TONIGHT - RIVER

LANDING - INARI - $7.05

FOUND - ROOT BEER - 0 CAL

IS - ABOVE - IS ONLY - 8 INCH

INSTEAD - OF - 14 INCH HARD

2 - GET - OUT - FOUND - TENT

4 - IT - TRIED - 2 - FING - 4 FT

WIDTH - NO SUCH - THING

SO - 5 FT - LIKE - MINE BUT

LONG - 10 INCHES - MORE

INSTEAD - OF 3 INCH - YES

ABOVE - SUPER EXPENSIVE

ARRIVES - TOMORROW

CAMILLUS HOUSE

THEY KICKED - ME - OUT

THEY - WANTED - 2 - THROW

PACKAGES - ON MY - FACE 2

BATTERY - AND - ASSAULT

LIKE - MY - PHILIPPINE

ADOPTED - FATHER - WAS

WATCHING - LITTLE HOUSE

ON - THE - PRAIRIE - AND HE

GOT - HIS - SLIPPER - AND HIT

MY - HEAD - HOLE ON - FORE

HEAD - TIRED OF - SUBJECT

RAN - 2 - GRANDPA - NO MORE

FUEL - SHOOT - HIM - HAVE TO

GO - 2 - MAKATI MEDICAL CTR

CHARGE - ON - THEM

HE - SHOT - MY - ADOPTED

DAD - TWICE - SO - THERE

ME - HIS - 1ST - GRANDCHILD

THEN - WE - WENT - 2 - PARIS

WHAT - DO - U - WANT - FR

PARIS - GRANDPAPA - HE

TOLD - ME - GOT - HIS THEIR

MACAROONS - NICE - TELL

TEACHERS - WHAT - WENT

ON - GONE - 4 - 3 MONTHS

ABOVE - IS - ONLY - 6 LBS

PUT - IN - SMALL - BAG

OTHER - 15 LBS - DESTROYING

SIDES - OF - TENT - HEAVY

AND - LONG - EASY - 2 - YES

ASSEMBLE - NO - COT - WHY

THOSE - BECOME - FLAT YES

FAST - USING - AIR MAT WITH

MANDATORY - TWIN - FITTED

SHEET - OR - WILL FREEZE U

ABOVE - IS - BEST - INCLUDES

FREE - OVERNIGHT DELIVERY

THE - PRICE - TENT - IS GREEN

75.6 - LENGTH

TENT - 86.5 - INSIDE

MAT - 77 INCH - OVER 9 INCH

LEFT - NICE - ROOM - LEFT

SO - LIKE - GREEN FOREST

[blayzebryte]

Repairing the Power of my Word

As a Witch, having power behind my words and intentions is vital. After a bout of illness, the strength of my resolve began to wane, and my ability to continue achieving desired results faltered. This is partly due to the corrosion of the power of my word, due to repeated failures to follow through with what I say. I think back to how I fixed this problem in the past, so I can fix it once again.

When I started the process of transformation, I had gone for decades saying "I'm going to stop eating junk" or "I'm going to start exercising" and then not following through. This was disastrous for my personal power and confidence and needed to be remedied.

I did this by starting very small. Ridiculously small. I would start declaring that I would do something that I was certain I would not fail to do. I figured that would rebuild the link between my word and events in physical reality.

I would say "I will have a shower" right when I was standing there about to get into the shower, or "I will get into bed" just as I was actually there beside my bed about to get in. I did this for a while, and only very slowly and gradually started to put distance between my declaration and the event.

It took a while to work up to saying "I will now go to bed" while I was sitting on the couch and being able to be confident that I would be able to get myself to bed straight away instead of sitting there for another three hours.

I'm thinking back to this because lately I have been telling myself every night that I'm going to go for a run the next morning - and then not doing it.

I had a good habit a while back of going for a run in the morning, and it is a habit I really need and want to resurrect, but my word has become eroded by so many times of saying I would do something and then not doing it.

So this week I have started small again to rebuild the connection between my intentions and actions. I have resolved to do a small task every morning within 30 minutes of getting up. I've stopped setting myself up to fail by saying I'll go for a run. Instead, I have set myself the goal of doing 10 jumping jacks. That's it. I can't fail to do that (unless I forget!)

I started my little 'jumping jack challenge' a few days ago, and so far so good. I'm following through with doing something every morning that I said I'd do. The power of my word is strengthened every time I do this.

This morning I even went for a run! But that's not the point at the moment, so I won't be beating myself up if I don't manage to go for one again tomorrow morning. It's just a surprise bonus that I went today and I thank myself for that. It was probably because I'd taken the pressure off myself.

I'm conscious that it may sound strange that an adult can't get themselves to move from one room to another or do an activity I want to do without engaging in these little behaviour-hacking rituals, but I am neurodivergent, so I do struggle with some things that others find easy and normal. I guess I'll go more into that lately, but I'm sure that many people have trouble prodding themselves along, whether they've been rubber-stamped as ND or not. It's a human struggle isn't it? I dunno, maybe not for everyone, but I have to do what I can do to make my life better, and do what I can with what I have!

Bottom line - don't ever say you will do something unless you are certain you actually will do it. Otherwise you erode the power of your word, start to feel like a failure and lose confidence in your ability to achieve anything. If you are in that position now, you can start small and repair that link between what you say and what you do by keeping it easily achievable and not setting yourself up for failure. Grow the confidence in yourself to do things gradually, it's not a race. And have a little fun with it!

[coffyao]

Drink away your inhibitions chapter 1.

this took me a long time to write but im happy that i've finished it.

---

:SPOILERS AHEAD:

this takes place where in this universe, yoonbum does NOT die (it is implied in the canon ending that he did.) seungbae stops the car in time, sees an extremely distraught yoonbum, calms him down and he decides to take him back to hospital to get checked out.. lets say two years later: yoonbum has decided to get the professional help he needed (encouraged by seungbae) eventually gets a job at the library (my favourite headcannon thanks to (when i find their user, ill credit them. ) lives in a small apartment and hes doing fairly better for himself.

Time continues to pass by..

Now it's going to be seungbae's birthday tomorrow and he had decided to invite yoonbum to a nightclub (because now they are friends..) yoonbum was hesitant at first... but he decides to come anyway. yoonbum since then.. has FALLEN extremely hard for seungbae. now he's almost ready to take that leap.. with the help of a little something.

_________________________

Seungbae.. seungbae.. seungbae..

It was the only name that had filled his mind. He looked down on his feet as he awkwardly stood at the back of the club, the crowds of young 20 something years old dancing to the techno music that echoed throughout the building. Yoonbum was never the type to think about how old he was until he walked out of his 1-bedroom apartment, dress in attire he would never think to wear and surround himself in such a boisterous environment that it could even tucker out an energy-drink obsessed teenager.

He didn’t like this at all.  But..

His eyes went straight to the mini bar. Three people. A woman who sported a black bob-cut while adorned in a scarlet sleeveless dress. He didn’t see her face clearly, but he could tell she was beautiful.  Then sat right next to her, was that horrible cop who forced his jaw open one time. He couldn’t quite remember his name, but an experience like that would certainly traumatise anyone.

Yoonbum cringed. 

Since that cop had his face splat on the table, at the very least, he wouldn’t have to force any niceties or whatever. Then right beside him, was Seungbae himself. He was wearing a black blazer, a buttoned white shirt, along with the rest of the attire to go with it.

He had left his hair untouched, which Yoonbum liked and he had his usual glasses on, which he had also liked. He admittedly.. admired him. His overbearing sense of justice…his caring nature, his generosity.. his smile.. his amazing smell.. his presence..morality.

Oh..most importantly…

His morality.

Yoonbum had never recalled a time where seungbae had ever laid a hand on him.. He had never made him like he had done anything wrong. He had never made him put on a decaying dress that smelled awfully like someone died. God. He wasn’t anything like..

At first, yoonbum was afraid of that. It was the unfamiliarity of being treated like he actually mattered.

It was being able to rest at home without having the fear that a certain someone might get triggered and beat the crap out of him. Then it was the irrational anger. Why was he being treated so fragilely? Like a Chinese tea-set that might shatter any minute if it was blown against with a paper fan.

He didn’t deserve this treatment. He wanted to be punished. He wanted to be hurt. He deserved it. He shouldn’t be anything less but a container for somebody’s pain and pleasure. That’s all he was. That was why he existed.  His existence was merely to worship the feet that stood on his pitiful head and stamp on it with glee. He would accept it, no resistance. No complaining. Accept it with a grateful smile.

Thank you for blessing my miserable life with your presence. Thank you very much.

Sangwoo was supposed to be his saviour. His one and only god. His salvation. So.. how was it that a know-it-all cop playing white knight somehow manage to be his saviour? Was this supposed to be god’s plan all along? He doesn’t know.

 At times, he had felt guilty for even entertaining the thought of having feelings for somebody else. Sangwoo would curse him all the way to hell if he ever.. well.. he’s probably there now. He might even go there too, one day. But for now… just for now. He wants to pretend like he deserves a second chance at life.

Just a little longer.

He stood straight and made his way towards the bar, slipping and sliding carefully as he attempted to pass through the crowd. At times, it had felt like a forest, going through lengths large and wide, in order to reach his destination. But at times..it was moreso like a stuffy school corridor, where everyone pushed against each other, and the only way you can even bear it is to push right back.  

He wiped the sweat off his brows and continued pushing forwards. Eventually, he reached the bar, and his mind immediately went straight to where that destination was. Where was his destination? Where was..

His eyes widened. His ears winced at the sound of laughter and he had turned his head to the left. There was Seungbae. He was having a conversation with that woman. That woman.

Yoonbum clenched his hands.

How am I supposed to…

he furiously bit his lip and stepped forward then stood still. He tried lifting his feet but it had felt like they were crushed by concrete.  He had felt something unnerving crawl behind his back..like a familiar parasite.

?

His vision blurred and the room was filled with echoing silence. His hands and legs were tied with rope and someone or that something threw him inside a wardrobe. Dusty. A disgusting aroma. It smelled almost like.. the wardrobe opened slightly. The familiar wardrobe, the familiar smell, the familiar fluorescent light. That same feeling of dread felt like a concussion.

 A deep voice murmured, “Peek.” Wrapping its frosty hands around his head. Yoonbum shut his eyes, but the hands pried his eyes open. “Don’t.” Yoonbum whimpered. The voice became louder. “Peek.” It commanded. His lips started to bleed. “Won’t you peek for me?” it purred. The hands travelled down to his left leg, rubbing his inner thigh. He shivered. He couldn’t resist. As Yoonbum moved his head closer, the grunts becoming more audible. “That’s it.. peek.”

Don’t peek.

 His blood started trickling down his chin.  The hands tightened their grip.

“Fucking peek you retard.”

His heart thumped into his skin. He creeped closer. Fighting wasn’t an option. It never was..when it came to him.

Closer.

“Yoonbum?” Seungbae called out. Yoonbum lifted his head, blinking hard.

 “Come here.”  Seungbae gestured with his hand. Yoonbum took a deep breath, breathing out with his nose. Just like the therapist said. In…out.. in. He walked towards the pair. Seungbae smiled, “It’s really nice to see you here. I’m glad you decided to come after all.”

Yoonbums lip twitched.

His voice always made him feel better.  It was slightly deep, with gentle yet wild undertones to it. At times, it was as soft as it can be when he it had reassured yoonbum but as can be as hearty and brash whenever they had conversations about his job. He felt his anxiety melt away.  

“I’m okay. It’s nice to see you too…”

Seungbae shifted, hushing his voice. “ah…so this is the person that came to celebrate with me and..” then he turned and motioned his hand. “Sorry, I was just telling her who you were. So this is..”

Oh.

 It’s true. Yoonbum had never truly wished ill on anyone.  He never hated Sangwoo, even when he was beating him until he had begged him to stop. His uncle was   an incomprehensible monster but even so, he had wanted him gone, not dead.  His superior from the army made him want to die, but he didn’t want them to die.  His friend from high school betrayed him and he had momentarily hated her, but when she came back, his heart softened to the idea of them reconciling.

 But there was one thing he had abhorred.  Made him want to dig holes on the wall with a screwdriver. Its irrational but it’s a rational feeling. He won’t take another woman. He won’t take them stealing the man he loves, not again. Never again. He won’t allow it.

“Nice to meet you Yoonbum.” She said, offering a small smile. Yoonbum clenched his teeth and gazed at her lips.  He croaked but attempted too at least sound just as amiable.

“Nice.. to meet you too.”

 She nodded and glazed Seungbae’s hand with her fingertips.

Why do you keep touching him?

Yoonbum cleared his throat, “Think I’m going to order a drink.”

Seungbae frowned, “Oh already? I thought you said you weren’t much of a drinke-”

"Yes usually..but it’s your birthday tomorrow. Might as well.” Yoonbum said, avoiding seungbae’s gaze. Seungbae pressed his lips together, eyebrows furrowed for a few seconds before sighing.

“Okay.. just don’t overdo it.”

Don’t overdo it he said.

Yoonbum walked in between them and tapped the marble table. His gaze flickered back at the woman, faintly hoping she would at least be annoyed by the unwelcome presence of a stranger getting in the way. The bartender turned his head around and walked up to the counter.

In a tired voice, he said, “Yes..what would you like?” Yoonbum took out his wallet from his black blazer. He slammed the money on the counter and says, “…soju. One shot of soju.” The bartender yawns, “gotcha.” As the bartender started preparing the shot, Seungbae continued to talk with the woman, small snickers between them erupting.

Yoonbum kept glancing with the corner of his eye, furrowing his eyebrows. The bartender tapped his shoulder and pointed at the glass. Yoonbum nodded and the bartender walked away, rolling his eyes. Yoonbum had never considered himself a serious drinker. Sure, he had gotten drunk with Sangwoo a couple of times, but that was only because he had felt obliged to. After all, he had only ever wanted to please him. But he wasn’t drinking exactly to appease anyone. It was just being impulsive. Liquid courage but without the actual liquid. He took the glass and drank it one go, scrunching his face up as the bitter taste hit his tongue.

“horrible.” He muttered.

He dipped his bony hands inside his wallet again and slammed the counter, but with a little less force this time. Seungbae glances up at him, opens his mouth but closes it again. As the bartender starts pouring another drink, Yoonbum looks down, thinking about how this situation felt screamed deja vu. Social interaction especially in a loud setting such as this had never been easy for a guy like him. 

He had never had friends and although he had thought perhaps he would learn to eventually accept it..

It had always bothered him.  So, so much.

Going to karaoke. Talking about who they were crushing on in class. Even simply studying together was enough to drive him over the edge he had already past so long ago. Why couldn’t he have friends as well? What was so wrong with him?  Why is everything so hard. But he wasn’t going to feel like this tonight. He was going to be in control this time.

 He took the second shot of soju, turned around and took a deep breath, “Seungbae. Your friend.”

“Haha..yeah?”

The woman raised her eyebrow. Yoonbum crossed his arms and repeated blankly, “Your friend. Aren’t you going to order a taxi home for him?”

Seungbae looks at Yoonbum with a confused expression at first, but what he had meant quickly clicked and he stood up.

“Shit.”

 Seungbae continued to mutter under his breath as he checked his friend’s pulse with his fingers. He pressed his eyebrows with his fingers and huffed. The woman chewed her lip and asked, “Is your friend alright-” He interrupts, clicking his teeth.

“yeah its fine, don’t worry…”

Yoonbum sits back on the chair seungbae was sitting on and continues staring at her. Seungbae puts one hand on his waist and another hand on his arm, raising him up off the cushioned seat.  He rests his head on Seungbaes shoulder, mumbling incoherently. Seungbae turns to the pair, looking apologetic.

“Sorry.. I didn’t know he was going to get this wasted..had I known beforehand I would have made this idiot drink water instead. Anyways ah..think I’ll just take him home instead. Then I’ll come back, okay?”

The woman frowned but hid it with a half-hearted smile, “That’s fine. Got all night anyway.” Seungbae sighed and said, “Great.. I’ll be back quickly..” He pauses and looks at yoonbum.

“Yoonbum. are you okay with that?”

 Yoonbum replies a little too quickly, “Yes. Yes.. Just make sure your friend is okay.” Seungbae pauses, then shakes his head.

“..Right. see you later then.”

 As they walked and disappeared into the hoard of glowsticks and brightly coloured hair. The woman taps her fingernail onto her cheek before turning to Yoonbum.

“Yoonbum. Right?”

“Yes…that’s my name.”

 “So, uh..”

Just say it.

Yoonbum huffs, “I like him.”

She narrows her eyes, and scoffs. “Uh..what?”

You heard me.

Yoonbum sits up a little straighter and looks into her eyes. “I.. like.. him. So..”

“You…”

He squeezes his knees, clenching his teeth tighter. He couldn’t control himself any longer.

“Yes.. which is why I need you to back off. Me and seungbae..we have history. I have known him..known him for longer than a year and..”

Keep going.

“You.. you have known him for 30 seconds. I get.. it. You must like him too but.. I liked him first. Putting your hands all over him..flirting  with him like you haven’t seen a man in years…you.”

Wait..what am I doing?

He gulps, his resolve weakening. His hands shake, “It really.. annoys me. I’m.. I’m sorry lady but-”

“Im going to have to stop you right here.”  She said, crossing her arms.

Seungbae's never going to talk to me again.

She looked at yoonbum as if she was looking at an overgrown infant.

“First of all.. your friend is straight.”

I know that.

“And.. let’s be honest. Strangers? 30 seconds? Who the hell cares about all of that?’

Yoonbum tucks in his chin and looks down.

Don’t cry.

She leans into her chair, “He doesn’t owe you anything. You liking him for a year doesn’t mean he’s obligated to feel the same for you. You should know that by now if you’re smart.. and I don’t owe you anything either.”

He could feel his eyes burn up, the feeling of mortification and woe mixing into a terrible concoction.

Shes right.

He covers his eyes with his hand, “..Your right. Yeah…”

What was he even expecting by talking to her? Shame for even daring to flirt with his unrequited crush? Sympathy for the poor gay man who longs for another straight man?

What was it?

Why are you so pathetic?

“Sorry I..”

“Hey I’m back.”

They both turn from their seats. Seungbae looks back at them, glasses slightly bent out of shape with drops of sweat falling beneath his chin. He takes a short breath.

“Didn’t know you would be back so quickly.”  She said, Placing her hand under her chin.

He raised his eyebrows and sat back down.

“Ah. About that. Long story short.. one of my colleagues from work was also out for the night.. happened to see us together and offered to take him home. I mean I felt bad..”

She shrugged, “Oh well. No need to feel bad. If he offered… he offered."

“I guess.. he did say he was going home as well.”

“Exactly. But you know..I’m glad your back.”

Yoonbum instinctively knew what was going to happen and he wrapped his hands in balled-up fists.

Keep calm.

She examined yoonbum closely, a small frown appearing on her face, but it quickly resolves as her eyes move to seungbae. Seungbae nods, “Yea- “

“With me.” She interrupted. Seungbae opened his mouth slightly.

“Oh?”

She leans closer to him.

“Seungbae. You know.. I really like you. So much so that..i want to see where this goes. Get to know each other.”

“Uh..”

“What do you say?”

“Sorry. I didn’t know this is what you thought this was. I’m actually...” He looks at yoonbum and gulps. He looks back and instead focuses on the bottle of sansachun.

“I’m.. not that interested in dating anyone.. at least. Not at the moment. I honestly think your an gorgeous woman.  But.. I’m really not looking for anything…like that.

Huh?

“..Ah. I see how it is.”

She stood up from her seat, snatching her glass of soju and glares at yoonbum,

She turns her head to seungbae, then at  yoonbum, then at both of the pair.  She looks at them for a while before smirking, then takes a swish of her drink. She slams the glass down on the counter. She sighs, “No worries. It’s my fault for assuming it after all. But.. are you really sure that you aren’t interested?"

 “..Yeah.”

“If you say so. it was nice meeting you then.”

Before seungbae could even have a chance to reply, she rushes into the crowd, heels clattering and bag swinging, pride obviously hurt.

Ah.

For a moment, yoonbum had felt a moment of fleeting happiness when she had finally left. It was like he had been given his one chance.  Maybe a confession. Seungbae sits down next to him, shoulders slumped with his hand lumped against his forehead. Seungbae shifted in his seat.

“..Sorry about that situation. Honestly I wasn’t trying to lead anyone on..” As his voice quietens at the last sentence. Yoonbum wanted to find the words to ease Seungbae. It was the least he could do after what he had caused.   He shakily reaches for seungbae’s hand. comfort absolutely.. but at the same time, erase the warm hand that had dared touched him previously.

So close..

But as he was about to make that final move, the previous conversation or rather, the careful pick apart of his psyche started to resurface itself in his already fractured mind.

“your friend is straight. “

“I’m.. not that interested in dating anyone.”

Yoonbum tightly pressed his lips, instead tapping the counter with his hand in an attempt to hide his pathetic advance at reaching him.

Seungbae breaks the silence.

“Ah, damn it all. How about we just drink instead?” slipping into his pocket.

“..Huh?”

“I mean it’s not like I’m having a bad night or anything like that. I had just.. thought maybe if we had a little drink or two…it might get.. some troublesome things off our minds. You know?”  Seungbae smiled, but it somehow didn’t seem very convincing.

“..I guess that could be good.” Yoonbum mumbled.

“And also.. I’ve been so distracted that I haven’t really had the time to talk to you. I’m sorry.”

Really?

Yoonbum puts his hand over his mouth, “Don’t worry about it..” a slight blush of red appearing on his cheeks. Seungbae nods and calls for the bartender. As the club rumbled on with dancing bodies, the proximity between him and Seungbae made all of this feel so much more real.

His heart was jumping to let it all out, to finally kiss him, feel him..

At first, he had never regarded him in such a vulgar matter. For the first couple of months, whenever seungbae had visited him in his apartment, although a little bit of resentment did reside in him..

He was mostly grateful.

Their conversations used to be awkward, stunted for the mere fact that he wasn’t sure how to take everything in.

A life without Sangwoo? Is this what it had meant to live a completely ordinary life? But with due time, he had eventually started to forget.  With due time, conversations that had felt forced from his part had started to feel more natural. With due time, he started to feel the wall break. With due time.. he felt him and seungbae become a little closer.

Then on a cold midnight, he had a dream.

 He had opened his eyes and seungbae was standing over him in the dark. Trousers, shirt, and glasses intact but yoonbum had felt like at that moment, seungbae was standing in the nude. Yoonbum could move his body, but he was paralyzed.  When he had stared at seungbae, there was a sense of uncontrollable intensity between the way they had looked at one another that if he had broken the stare-off, this peculiar dream would end.

This dream would become a repetitive recurrence, where all seungbae would do is look at him with his void less eyes, but he wouldn’t ever say anything or make a move.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t done it in a while, but just from their eye contact alone, did he start touching himself every night to it.

“Bum? What are you ordering?”

“Oh? Uh…soju.”

“Alright.” The bartender places both of their drinks on the counter.

Seungbae takes a long sip of it, “…so. how has life been treating you so far.”

“..not too bad.”

“Really? well..thats good.” As Seungbae looks down on his drink. Yoonbum fidgets with his fingers, then reciprocates the same question.

“..How about you? How has life been treating you?”

“Ah! well…”

Seungbae started to open up about how stressed he had been nowadays, working late shifts whilst dealing with the significant rise of petty crime around the neighbourhood.  He then rambles on about how even now he feels he is still treated delicately after officer park’s passing. He orders another shot of Sansachun.

“I know..I have some issues. But one of the things that I despise the most is being treated like I’m still that poor kid from back then..”

“I understand..”

“It just drives me crazy. It’s just so patronising. I mean..there’s plenty of days where I do miss him. But I also feel.. for the most part, that I handle it okay.”

Yoonbum didn’t really know to comfort him since he had felt he was so terrible with words, so he resorted to the thing he knew how to do the most. He wrapped his hand around seungbaes fist. Seungbae glanced at him in shock, nearly saying something but he decides not to say anything at all. They continue purchasing drink after drink, the night becoming hazier by the second.  

With his face glowing a shade of reddish pink, seungbae leaned on his hand and said, “You know bum..I think if you put yourself out there more. I think you could find someone really good for you… Someone who truly deserves you.”

Yoonbum clumsily stumbles on his words, “I don’t know about t-that. I’m not exactly..charismatic. Attractive..i don’t think I’m that  either. So…”

Seungbae shook his head, declaring, “Nonsense. I think.. your one of the kindest people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. You are always.. you just  always know what to do to make someone feel better.  You…” He pauses.

“You’re honestly the most beautiful person I know.”

"…You think I’m beautiful and kind?”

Seungbae vigorously pats his chest, pressing his lips. His face flushing harder.

“..who wouldn’t after getting to know you?”

Yoonbum chuckles under his breath, murmuring, “..your so confusing.”

The frenzied electro-pop music that had dominated the start of the night started to shift into slower paced music, once a lively crowd turning into flamingos, hugging one another. The array of lights that had strobed around the room, became still, and took a dark tone of vermillion red, consuming the room like it was the red-light district.

Yoonbum had felt the heat rise upon his neck, sensing that with the change of scenery, had now shifted the light-hearted mood he had tried so hard to keep. No amount of alcohol wasn’t going to reverse it by any means anymore. Seungbae finishes his last shot, wiping the remaining residue off his mouth and looks into the distance of the crowd.

As his eyes remain sucked into the force of what appeared to be the abnormal frequency of sensualism, Seungbae says, “do you want to dance?”

Yoonbum held his seat, the build-up of sweat increasing on his nape. He gulps.

“Huh?”

“..It just seems like their having a good time. But we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Yoonbum had not expected his night would go like this. He hadn’t anticipated that he would have ever had to fail an attempt at warding off a woman of her target, only to be spectacularly lucky at the end when seungbae had shut her down. He hadn’t expected that they would drink like this, be as close as they are now and have seungbae describe him with adjectives he could never see himself as.

He had never ever expected that as the night progressed, seungbae would ever ask to dance with him, let alone with all those people who looked they wanted to eat each other alive. The territory that they were about to delve into felt too risky. Yoonbum bit his upper lip. But he didn’t want to refuse.

“No.. its ok. I want to dance.”  Hesitantly standing up from his seat.

“…You sure?” breaking his trance and staring into yoonbums eyes instead.

“Yeah. Like you said.. it does seem fun.

________________

[princessclai]

hahahahaha

i may not die again laughing, but i will try

I cannot remember. Anything, honestly.

today

tomorrow,

wherever mentally in the archive,

wherever invisible in the time and space continuum,

I'm hidden or dead,

may be quintilliscopic.

8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

death to fertilize death

dark to fertilize dark

sammascamcanwinewhinewine

sincerely,

terminally mentally illnesses, candida overgrowth, bacterial vaginosis, pink eye, maybe e.coli, etc lol i love to edit for free grammarhobbyistsunite

it ain't easy being cheesy, smelly, and ugly

bitches

but thank you for the granny tits

again

i guess lol 32 DDD granny tits on 5'3 ish

im 5'2 and a half omg

u knew physics at least but

I was a child, a preteen; a 4-year-old slut, whore, and thief punishable for

whatever i stole from u at that age or before

i do not care to remember BDSM granny pedophiles and child molester, childsexual

BDSM granny /w torture preference of 4yo vic

authority figures

i not statistic tho i not like u still i very mad mummies i very mad bunnies i very mad

autistic schizo bitch and every other illness lying dormant

my dark and light heal to study

my children, my patients

- pediatric surgeon failure

~ pedobear, don't pull their hair, they're not evil

children

ever

forever

C.

E.

F.

c. ef and e. coli c. dif

but y pink eye

but why pynk eye?

moooooon

phases of the moons, adult pink tantrums bitches get stitches, so do child predators

to those men who don't spare those bitches

tantrums so immature and stupid

resulting in: child torture vic, rape vic, dead vic

Fountain of Youth from sometime ur own children

well, i hope ur bloody well runneth dry from all your child sacrifices needed to preserve ur boob

plastic surgeon, pink bitches, men and women

pussy perfect, pussy plastic, pedopussy

cocky boastful plastic surgeon idiots

seven deadly sins

sumx

sumac. oh, that may be a consequence from something you were warned not to do, but

I am a dumbass, man, please ask a professional.

- sum x lol

u ms x

Which ms are you when you cannot be a miss? ever. because it is too perfect, too e.coli nose, too slavery, too submissive ever

and u the fkn queens of seven deadly sins

chemical x mistake

biohazards are angry mother queens too

eventually, they are angry enough

maybe they learned it from your jealousy

bipolar murders, bipolar assaults, bipolar rapes

1s-8yrs mentally childlike victims,

1s old baby to 1 min old baby

TIME OF DEATH stamped, lifespan included

from your torture perhaps.

your astronomical amount of seven deadly sins

infinity if u flip it

bitches

infinite bitches

butt y

I am not perfect now, but I do not need to go to medical school. I get extremely angry and snap like a twig sometimes, mentally, but sometime it feels like bliss. I will stop thinking this.

Unhealthy stream of thought, could pollute the

water cycles

in the circles of life in the circles of death in the circles of milliverse milliscopic

extinct or wut, it disappeared?

.π^π% DNA left? may be completely incinerated

to you

but not to me

baybies bbies bbs bb

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo