#ill have you know i live under a rock

[naenaex0xx]

meh, maybe I'll just add it to my carrd later, no post. I'll start compiling the artists here then teehee (list to be added to and edited later)

ujico/snails house

coffv

takeo onuki

aves

sharou(bgm)

dystopian tanuki

ANRI

Lamp

inabakumori

laufey

ichiko aoba

After the Rain (mafu&soraru)

erm..erm.... that's all I can think of for now ^^;

Can't believe I forgor siinamota!!

that's it fr for now !!

Update:

Liana Flores

potsu

honorary mention kazuha ily I'm sorry I haven't properly played genshin in a while T^T

Tsundere Twintails

kikuo

[your-dads-filing-cabinet]

I still can't believe YouTube took away community captions just to try and force creators to pay for it instead.

[deathandthemaiden23]

bro psa sketchfab has free 3d rips of death's character model (and also puss and kitty) from the dreamworks racing game and my eyes are pissing tears of joy

[dunmeshistash]

How do you feel about Milsiril? Like what do you think of her interactions between the canaries, her goals, her intentions and morality? I keep seeing people with mixed feelings about her, some saying she's just toxic or morally grey or doing bad but with good intentions or that she's just a mentally ill and literally so much more, also with the comic about Otta calling Milsiril love for her children/Kabru as just love for a pet, I always saw people take it at face value and say yes, Milsiril did love them more as pets instead of children, did she take up raising/adopting non-elf children because she felt like none of them could ridicule her like the elves did because they didn't know what an elf was supposed to be like (and also because they were children) or did she inherently view them as less? I mean the canaries and I'm pretty sure almost all of the cast in dungeon meshi have some sort perspective on different races especially because how they were taught about them, i just think it was interesting to finally see someone interpret it as Otta just misinterpreting Milsiril, I'm just really interested in her, i think shes neat, sorry for the rant!

Ooh, well to preface this, I hadn't really realized Milsiril was such a controversial character before my last post, I kinda live under a rock. She's really not a character I had given much thought besides what I wrote there before it, but I can do my best to express what I have thought since, with sources for it. I'm not sure what order to go thru so I'll just go by manga appearances and then extras, this will probably be quite a long post

This is the first time she shows up in the manga (ch55) Kabru is wondering about what future they might have if the elves take them into custody because of the ancient magic, he thinks about Milsiril as a get out of jail card, and mentions "There's a chance they would make us become permanent resident of the elven lands." with the image of Milsiril holding him. I don't think that means she would be the one to not let them leave, since this would probably be an legal issue, and the fact Milsiril lives away from other Elves. It does set up that Milsiril is quite overprotective tho, with Kabru's reaction to her teary hug. (rest is under a cut)

The next time she shows up is in ch61 right after Kabru falls down the dungeon along with Mithrun, he faints and has this flashback

She's being her overbearing self treating Kabru's small injury as if its something you need to be in bed for, hand feeding him like he's a toddler, and when he insists he wants to learn how to fight and be strong like her, she hugs him revealing to us for the first time her arm scars, she's cleary in distress too, so you wonder "what has happened to her?"

It continues in the next pages, as she tells him to stay there, where it's safe and there's cake, and describes the bad things he might encounter. Until he tells her he will go with or without her help

Honestly this is a Kabru we don't see often, this is the version of him that is usually in thought bubbles, he's blowing out in frustation over being smothered and demanding straight up what he wants, instead of trying to manipulate Milsiril, very blunt for him. Milsiril seems to flip a switch into battle mode, when she decides to train him for real.

I really thought this was funny, the visual of these cuddly toys and this Mom that was being so soft just a second ago completely flipping into something menacing is very amusing to me. She says "I'll give you an exhaustive, thorough training in how to use a sword... until you finally decide that you're ready to give up." although it sounds cruel, it seems she really trained him as best she could to make sure he would survive the dungeon. If he couldn't take the training with her there was no way he would be able to take on the dungeon, but he could, so much so that he managed to make her let him go. I can see this being seen as her trying to prevent him from going but to me it seems more like some tough love from a traumatized war veteran in this case.

The last thoughts he has is admitting his Mom was right, "Not only were there plenty of traps, monsters, and malice... but there were times when I felt so hungry and cold that I couldn't stand it."

And he concludes with "I never once thought that I wanted to go back there. That room where I could eat all the cake that I wanted..." While I can understand the interpretation that he means he would rather go thru all this than go back, perhaps cause he hated it there, I think it's rather a statement to how committed he is to defeating the dungeon, the visuals show him in rubble vs him in a soft big bed, the rough reality he fought to be able to face and the comfyness of what his life could be. Plus is mirroring exactly what Milsiril said to him. Admitting she was right about the bad things but that he won't give up for the safe easy life he had.

After that visuals of Milsiril are used while Kabru tries to sus out Mithrun but she shows up again in Mithrun's backstory.

Here she's straight up called Gloomy, which wasn't really the version of her we saw so far, gotta remember this is also how Mithrun saw her and that she was called gloomy as a way of bullying. Kabru mostly cuts off her part in the story until the end, when she's the one to find Mithrun after he was eaten by the demon

She doesn't really care much for Mithrun as we see in some extras, and she was ready to mercy kill him, but she is also the one to spare his life. This could be seen as her thinking he can still be of use, and it's how it sounds with how Kabru tells the story, but I do think this was also a merciful act, Mithrun was in rehabilitation for 20 years after being saved, by the time he was actually useful for anything Milsiril had already left the canaries and adopted Kabru.

Now for extras... About Mithrun/The Canaries, Milsiril was cleary someone that hated the people around her. This is her extra in the Adventurer's Bible

Milsiril seems to be the type that hates "popular kids" so to say, her description says she was bullied by other elves for being so introverted so I believe she holds a grudge against people like Mithrun that seem to have succeeded where she failed. But realizing he was a twisted person like her seemed to make her feel more sympathetic towards him, that's why I think she really did act with mercy when she saves Mithrun, he's now someone she sees as similar to her, she sees he also suffered like her

Her decription also mentions she left the canaries specifically because she was disgusted with how the Utaya situation was dealt with. Yet it seems like she came back to help Mithrun with his rehabilitation once she quits.

There's an interpretation to be made that she did this only to get "revenge" on the demon since she just saw the destruction of Utaya, and that she's using him. On the other hand maybe she wants to help him find a motivation to live, she's no longer a canary and she has time to actually help him now. I don't know which one is the truth but it's not obviously something self-serving if you ask me. Especially in the context that right before this scene Milsiril admits she wishes they could have talked before.

My interpretation of her relationship with the canaries and other elves is that she's someone depressed that was mistreat for her 'quirky' side, the dolls are clearly one of the ways she used to cope with anxiety/depression but it only caused her to be bullied by her own kin, she's the daughter of an important family and it's shown in other extras, including one about Mithrun, that nobles often send out the kids they don't want around to become canaries. It's an easy way to get rid of someone undesirable and I think it was the case for Milsiril. (Pattadol even assumes her parents love her less than her sisters for sending her to join the canaries).

No wonder than that now that she's finally free from the canaries she chose to seek her own happiness away from the society she felt she could never fit into, she clearly likes to take care of children too, I think it's mean to assume she only likes them because she feels superior to them when there's no indication that this is the case.

And I don't think it's a coincidence she's so overprotective of Kabru after Utaya, it's literally the tragedy that was the breaking point for her, and he's a surviving small child from that tragedy, Milsiril cares about Kabru and wanted him to have a comfortable safe life after everything he went thru...

This ended up getting way too long so I'll make second part tomorrow about the rest of the extras and Kabru, and some other things I've seen said about Milsiril, but to answer the questions...

I don't think she treats her children as pets, Otta is just salty she was called out for dating like Leo Dicaprio.

Every single dungeon meshi character can be called morally grey because they all have flaws that in our world can be considered unforgivable, but they don't live in our world. To me Milsiril is doing her best in the context she lives in.

Who even is neurotypical in dungeon meshi, Milsiril is yet another flavour of a neurodivergent traumatized character among so many.

I believe she thought of the other canaries, especially Mithrun, as the same type of people that were cruel to her, probably because some of them really were, but that she generalized it to the point she thinks of all of them as bad by default. You can only get hurt so many times before you assume everyone will hurt you.

Part 2

[bunny-1111]

Mr fix it - dad Theo Nott x femreader

Description: Theodore is protective over his wife and daughter as they accidentally take a fall into the lake under his supervision

Word count: 1.65k

Fluff

Warning: mentions of falling into the lake (no complete drowning, just panic)

likes comments + reblogs appreciated xx

...

After graduating high school, Theodore wasted no time in proposing.

It was a collection of things. He didn't want to risk the two of you drifting apart. With his senior father falling ill, Theodore knew what would be waiting for him with his father's departure, a huge mansion, too much money and oh so much time.

Being all alone in that house was his nightmare. He knew he would go insane if you were not by his side, as his wife, creating a home out of that residency together.

So that you did. A small, intimate ceremony, your close friends and family, a not-so-humble celebration at the manor that would soon be yours to share.

When at Hogwarts, you practically lived with each other; your dorm was his and vice versa. Moving in was bliss.

You had redecorated the house and brought life back into its rooms; it was such a big property, though it never felt empty; how could it? When it was filled with so much young love.

After falling pregnant with your daughter, Theodore's whole demeanour shifted; a once carefree young boy had become an observant young man, the father of his little girl.

He would make sure, heavy or sharp objects weren't in her reach.

Her bedroom, to Theo's liking, was almost bare of furniture, simply her bed, a rocking chair and a small table cluttered with books, avoiding almost all ability of injury.

He would hover over her each step she took; this became harder the faster she ran; he was so scared of her own two feet, his arms never too far away, in case he needed to catch her.

"You need to relax, Teddy. She's not made of bubble wrap. Children are meant to fall and cry. It's natural" you expressed, sliding into bed next to him

"I know, I just don't want to see either of you hurt, ever." he sighed back

"Theo, when have we ever" you smiled at his foolish panic

"You do your damn best at keeping us safe alright, just take a step back. It'll be good for her, ok?" you said, hands through his hair

He looked into your eyes, "Ok?" you repeated

"Ok." he agreed, kissing you goodnight.

You were quick to fall asleep. Theo laid, eyes open, mind awake. How could he sit back and not do everything he could to make sure his precious girls didn't get hurt, even by accident. His heart strings pulled at the very thought of you both, it came from love, such devotion to his two brilliant girls, his wife and daughter.

The next afternoon, as he rested and watched against a large tree in the backyard, he observed the two of you playing near the lake on the property's edge.

'they're fine', leave them be', he reminded himself, body heavy against the tree, eyes still glued to you two.

When, from his distance, he saw your energetic three-year-old jump around you, you were wearing a long flowing dress; it was just a little too long for your body, as he had watched you hold it up in your hands to avoid tripping.

His two girls picked flowers by the lakeside, placing them into a basket you carried on your arm.

It was in a flash of a second as he watched your daughter step on the hanging fabric, causing you to fall in the water, "Daddy!" your small child called out

He sprinted toward you. "Stay there!" he yelled towards her. As he ran, he watched his daughter willingly enter the water to try and help you before he could get to you, completely ignoring his instructions

The problem was the dress was too heavy, you were struggling to stay afloat, and your daughter, she didn't know how to swim.

You held your daughter above water as she kicked against the current in fright, gasping for air yourself; you were swallowing too much water.

Without hesitation, Theodore plunged to your rescue, taking your daughter into his hand, the other pulling you with them.

She cried in confusion as she was placed onto the grass, but her now very drenched father, "Don't move darling", he sternly instructed her as he rushed to your side, rubbing your back as you coughed up.

"What's wrong with mommy?" your daughter questioned, tears still falling down her face. She knew she was responsible

"She's alright, mommy's alright," he said, holding your hair back as you caught your breath.

Crawling towards your daughter, you lay down completely on the grass next to her, "I'm ok, sweetheart", wiping the tears off her now puffy cheeks.

Theodore knew the child was ok, so he cupped your face to inspect for anything. When he was satisfied, he joined your place on the floor

"Holy shit" he muttered, grasping what just unfolded, placing his daughter onto his lap

"We're fine" you smiled towards your obviously freaked-out husband

"Sorry" your daughter frowned

"Don't ever come in the water again, alright, not until we teach you how to swim," you say, trying to hide your own panic about what might have happened if Theo wasn't closed; she nodded in agreement.

That night in bed, after putting your daughter into her own room, Theodore suggested removing the lake altogether.

"No, that's not necessary, Theo", you insisted

"and just after you told me to lay off as well" he shook his head, rubbing his eyes

"we're safe thanks to you, alright? Even if we do get hurt, you always come and fix it, piece us back together," you soothed

He couldn't even look at you without reimagining you fighting in the water

"Well, I know something you don't know, something that might cheer you up" You smiled, gently moving his face towards your own

"What's that?" he said, looking deeply into your eyes

Before you could reply, your daughter crept into your bed, sliding herself into the middle of you both

"Are you ok, my love?" you ask your little girl as she moves beside you

"I no sleep" she huffed, getting comfortable

Theodore smiled, eyes wandering between you both

"What are we call, baby brother, daddy?" she questioned

"You want a baby brother?" he said, gently wrapping his long arm across you and your child

You tried to hide your face

"No silly Daddy, Mommy said he's coming soon", she smiled with excitement

"Really?" Theodore said to you, sitting upwards

"yeah," you laughed as Theodore placed kisses all over your face, your daughter laughing at the commotion.

This meant two things, his family extending and another little human to worry over.

i love dad theo

Author Note: sorry, I've been so busy haven't had the chance to upload and write, but more is on the way. Don't worry - requests are open

[baby-yongbok]

Remedies

OT8 x Reader

Genre - Comfort WC - 746

Summary - These are ways that I think the boys would help you to get over your mental and/or physical struggles Content Warning - Themes of mental and physical illness/struggles, mention of hospitals, mentions of medications/needles, mentions of food

A/N - I wrote this on my living room floor just now because I’m sick of being sick. I’m sick of being chronically ill, and I needed some comfort, so I thought I’d share it for anyone else who could use some comfort, too. I based these off of my experiences with my illnesses/disabilities. If you can relate then I just wanna say that i see you and you're strong. Keep fighting 💕+ I tried to write this to be gender neutral, I think I nailed it

✧ Masterlist ✧

Hugs from Jisung when your panic attacks have subsided. He whispers sweet praises of “You're okay” and “You're so strong” while he rocks you in his lap. You're still on the floor where he found you. His shirt soaks up every tear and his soft kisses on your forehead bandage every wound. You tell him that he can go, you apologize for causing a commotion, but he just holds you closer.

Laughing with Changbin while he tries to distract you from your symptoms flaring up. He's loud and silly on the couch with you. He's careful not to go overboard, he watches you to make sure that you're still comfortable while he makes silly voices and dances around for you. He's not ready to watch you cry yourself to sleep from the pain but he'll be ready to make you laugh again when you need it most.

Kisses from Chan while you're at your doctor's appointment. Your leg is shaking and he's soothing gentle circles into your back while he kisses your knuckles. He knows that you're scared, he is too. You have no idea what the doctor will say but he knows one thing for sure, no matter what the results are he'll be right by your side. He'll fight with you every single day and he'll kiss the pain away.

Adventures with Hyunjin when he realizes that you're avoiding going outside again. He knows that you get paranoid. He knows that every corner that you turn feels unsafe so he holds your hand. He skips across streets with you and dances on the white lines of the cross walks. He pulls you into shops that you've been too scared to visit yourself and buys you everything that you touch. He molds new memories with you with his bare hands. He'll do it everyday if he has to.

Cooking with Minho when he sees that you've been watching your diet too closely. He's gentle with you. You taste test everything together, he feeds you with silver spoons and kisses your nose with every hesitant swallow. He stands behind you while you stir the contents in the pots and plucks flour at you to see that pretty smile that he loves so much. He feeds you from his fork and he wipes away the mess. He makes it feel like it all goes down easy.

Reading with Seungmin when he comes to visit you in the hospital. He knows that you feel like you're going mad in here. He knows that you want to get up out of bed and walk out of here with him, that's what he wants too. Instead he holds your hand while you rest your head on his shoulder. He reads you each word with a softness that somehow drowns out the beeping of your monitors and the commotion on the other side of the curtain. He transports you to a place where you aren't sick. To a place where it's just you and him.

Cuddling with Jeongin when you feel that dark cloud consuming you again. He knew what was wrong when you let your alarms ring on for the third day in a row. You're huddled under blankets together, unmoving and quiet. His arms circle your waist and he pulls you closer. He weighs you down to reality. He makes you feel something besides the bubbling emptiness in your chest. He hums to you when the tears start to fall. He hums and holds you tighter. He won't let you drift away.

Singing with Felix while he helps you with your medication. There's so many to take that you've been overwhelmed with it all so he puts on a playlist and grabs all your pills. He lays them out and organizes them just how you need them. He uses the TV remote as a microphone, passing it to you when he sees you staring at the medicine littering the tabletop. He has you sing for him when he gives you your injections. He makes them as quick and painless as he can, always joining you for a high note as he sticks the band-aid on for you. He spins and hugs you once you're done for the day. He doesn't have to give you any praise, you can feel the love in his touch. You can hear it in his voice and see it in his actions. He's always going to be there to make it all feel easier.

If you liked this and wanna see more of this content let me know!

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[bloodiedrogue]

FEAR OF LOSING IT (4)

SUMMARY: When it's discovered that Astarion's being hunted, you take matters into your own bloody hands.

PAIRING: Astarion & Female Reader

WORD COUNT: 4,235

WARNINGS: Teasing, spoilers for BG3, canon typical violence, minor character death, pining if you squint a little, feelings realized!!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Day 4 is here! Prompt is "you're not scared, are you? Of Me?" So hopefully I did it justice?

Also sidenote, to anyone wanting to be on the taglist. I had a few issues tagging some people but I still put your name. Not sure why it won't let me tag so check your settings and next fic I'll try again.

CHAPTER LIST / MASTERLIST / NEXT CHAPTER

-

The sun beams down as you walk along the water’s edge, carefully stepping over damp rocks and foliage with narrowed eyes. As per usual, you and Astarion are trailing behind the rest of the pack —you because of the hangover you’ve been nursing all morning; him because he lives to irritate you. 

“I don’t understand how you feel so ill. You barely had more than a few drops of that ale.” 

Slightly in front of you, Astarion steps around a patch of suspicious-looking rocks, turning to grab your arm and guide you out of the way as you scrunch up your face in disgust. 

The air is way too hot to be touched. Beneath the fabric of your tunic, you can feel your skin grow increasingly sticky, prompting you to brush off Astarion's hand but reluctantly still follow with a groan. 

“I drank more at camp,” you confess, feeling a pain radiate inside your head. One that’s almost reminiscent of the tadpole, pulsing in angry motions that make you close your eyes and quietly wince. 

Picking up on your discomfort, Astarion slows his pace, opting to walk alongside you rather than ahead. “And why in gods name did you decide to do that?”

Immediately, you shrug your shoulders, offering him nothing despite knowing the reason. Last night at the party you embarrassingly drank to forget all those thoughts. The ones filled with visions of hands and mouths gliding across your wanting skin. 

Even now you hate to admit it, but after parting ways, you were still a bit riled up. A mixture of anger and annoyance coating your soul once you finally got situated inside your tent, knowing deep down there wasn’t much you could do. Gale had already returned to camp before you so you definitely couldn’t do the deed yourself without the possibility of further embarrassment, and you sure as hell weren’t going to wander back to Astarion with your hands between your thighs, begging for release.

In the end, the only other option was to get pissed drunk, so you did. And now, you were greatly suffering the consequences in the form of a whole day’s worth of walking under the beating sun alongside an overly stubborn and nosy vampire. 

“All by your lonesome?” 

Without even having to think, he looks at you with the kind of false pity that makes you want to drown him. To lace your fingers in his perfect locks so that you can better shove his face into the water, never to hear that damned voice again. 

Gods, is it ever tempting...

Rolling your eyes, you swear under your breath and shove him aside instead, feeling the edge of your elbow make contact with his chest before you attempt to step forward, feeling his hand pull you back. 

Overall, the motion is quick and painless —a twirling rush that sends you hurtling into his frame, boxing you in in the form of a hand that rests against your lower back— but regardless it still surprises you. 

“Was it because you wanted it?”

His hand lingers against your leathers as he awaits your answer. Barely putting enough weight to truly hold you back, it quickly becomes obvious that your current stance against him is of your own volition. A choice you’ve made during a moment of weak desire as you deeply inhale the dewy air. 

“Wanted what?”

“You know.” 

At this point, you’re positive he knows that you secretly like it when he touches you. When he physically guides you through difficult terrain or lets your fingers brush when trading trinkets after a day of looting. You’ve never made it known that you dislike it —never protested, even during times of tense discussion. All you’ve ever done is make faces of annoyance, hoping he’ll take the hint.

He never does. Not even now, as you press both of your palms against his chest, applying a bit of pressure as you stare him down, does he think to move. To let his hand fall to his side to let you continue your stride. Instead, all it does is remain perfectly still, resting against the small of your back, waiting. 

It makes you swallow hard as you take a step back, feeling the resistance of your hip as it brushes through his fingers.

“You’re really not going to admit it?” he asks then, watching you pause. Feeling you stop mid-step to cock your head and flash him a grin so utterly snobbish, that his facade of confidence finally slips. 

“What? That I want to fuck you?” 

Your voice is patronizing. A pointed tongue laced with poison gunning for his throat. You want him to taste his own medicine. To feel what it’s like to be on the receiving end of taunting words that fluster, so you don’t say much more. All you do is stare, waiting for him to break.

“No, that you want me to fuck you,” he corrects almost immediately, his courage returning ten-fold. Doubling down on the way your mouth slightly opens in annoyance, because even in your boldest of moments he still manages to throw you off.

It makes you want to drown yourself instead, realizing just how persuasive he can be. Without trying, it’s as if he’s perfected every potential conversation before it’s happened. In his mind, he can look at a face —hear the beginnings of their voice and already have the correct response at the ready.

“Do you spend all your time thinking of ways to seduce anyone that gives you the time of day?” As you speak, you fully step away, turning on your heel to let out a shaky breath you pray he doesn’t catch. 

“Only the attractive ones, I suppose.” He laughs and follows behind, his footsteps echoing through the water as you attempt to catch up with the rest of the group. 

“Attractive ones, huh?” You peer over your shoulder with a raised brow. “Is that a genuine compliment you’re offering or another one of your usual deceptions meant to butter me up?”

He doesn’t tell you. Instead, he just offers you a shrug and purses his lips, leaving you guessing —an expression that only tightens the tension that’s seemingly begun to grow.

Well, at least for you. 

Since the night you let him feed, even you have to admit that you’ve found it increasingly hard to resist his charms, remembering how good it felt to just let go for a couple of moments. How, when it happened, there was an inkling of freedom that you felt was found. A new sense of clarity that arrived just as your lifeblood left. 

As much as you’d deny it if asked, you think about it often. At night, when you’re lying in your tent trying to sleep, you frequently attempt to replicate that feeling, calling upon your tadpole to replay the memory of the cold, numbness deep inside your throat.

As you step out of the water onto a patch of grass, you wish you could feel it now instead of the hangover. Instead of the sweltering heat and Astarion's piercing gaze penetrating the back of your head, waiting for another response he’ll just counter. 

It’d certainly make the daily trek you’re experiencing all the more bearable. Being able to forget about the aching in your skull for just a moment would solve at least half of your problems, maybe even two-thirds of them depending on how Astarion proceeds to act. On whether or not he walks in silence or—

“Do you smell that?”

You release a sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose, feeling your impatience begin to build. “Smell what?”

He loudly sniffs beside you, his nose scrunching upwards dramatically before he turns his head, narrowing his eyes. “You’re telling me you don’t smell that?” 

“Smell w—“

  Before you even have time to react, it hits you. The foul stench of metallic burning through your mouth and nose, forcing you to cover your face with your hands.

“It’s awful, isn’t it?” 

You nod, tightening the hold around your face as you continue forward, realizing you’ve somehow lost the rest of the group —something Astarion notices too, causing both of you to slightly panic.

“Oh, for fuck sakes, really? They couldn’t at least wait for us to finish our…”

As he trails off, waving his hand in the air to replace whatever words die in his throat, you catch a glimpse of an unfamiliar man up ahead, watching as the both of you continue.

“They’re probably over the hill,” you point out then, trying your best not to let the sudden nerves inside your chest get the better of you once you see the nameless man raise his hand, beckoning you closer.

“Who the bloody —do you know him?”

You look at Astarion as if he’s just said the stupidest thing known to man, still moving forward. “Ah yes, the mysterious man standing out in the open! Yes, I know him well, why?”

“Alright, no need to be cruel.” 

“Says you.”

Once again, his response fades to nothing. The argument slipping down his throat once the voice of the man calls out to you.

“Maybe he saw where the others went?”

Astarion scoffs. “Or maybe he’s the one who’s been setting up all those traps.”

“Traps?” 

You don’t remember seeing any traps. But then again, you’re not very perceptive when your head feels like it’s on the verge of splitting in half. 

“Yes, traps. The one’s I’ve been guiding you through like a fucking cattle dog!”

Letting your frustrations get the better of you shove him aside before you can think, turning to let both hands lay waste to his shoulder causing him to stumble sideways. As he does, he looks at you with hesitant curiosity; knitting his brows together while his mouth falls open into a half smile. 

An awkward laugh sounds through the pounding in your head as the footsteps draw near, prompting you to look ahead, noticing the man a few steps away, looking between the two of you. 

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” 

His words sound sincere —cautious in a way that has you peeling your gaze away from Astarion's wild expression to shake your head.

“No, sorry, just a, uh—“

“A lover’s quarrel,” Astarion finishes. “You know how it is.” 

Angrily you inhale, paying his obviously entertained face no mind as you continue to survey the man now in front of you, noticing the plainness of his clothes and the unkempt hair that circles his face like a halo. 

It’s apparent then that he’s been on the road for some time now. He’s not necessarily dirty looking but quickly you realize he’s the cause of the smell, making you swallow hard in an attempt to suppress the sickness that follows. 

“Ah yes, of course. My apologies.” He laughs —as does Astarion— while you just frown in between, trying not to blow another fuse. 

“I’m sorry but can we help you?” You crane your neck and smile sweetly, letting the more deceptive side of your mind take over, prompting Astarion to quickly clue in and do the same. 

“I was just speaking to your friends up there. They told me you were falling behind.” 

“And that’s your business because?” Raising your brow, you watch him falter for a moment.

“I’ve set some traps along the path. Nothing too hidden if you’ve got a keen eye like all of you, but still, I informed them of their whereabouts.”

Informed them of their whereabouts? Please. This man’s trapping skills are abysmal at best. 

You have to bite your lip once you hear Astarion's insult in the back of your mind, knowing he’s right. It’s one thing for him to notice the traps but for the rest of your party to as well? There’s no way they would’ve noticed if not for the lack of effort put into their placings.

“Well, uh, thank you. That’s decent of you.” You nod but make no effort to move. Instead, you just stand there motionless, staring him down, waiting for him to elaborate further so that you can better gauge this man’s intentions. 

You’re certain they’re anything but innocent. Given the smell wafting off his leathers and the way he keeps glancing over at Astarion with a slight twinkle in his eye makes your suspicion only grow. Your defensive walls rising to their highest point as you look at the vampire, allowing your tadpole to reach out. 

He’s up to something.

“Yes, well, I’m not hunting the likes of you so best avoid the unnecessary conflict and clean up.” The man’s gaze slowly turns to you, a hardened grin creeping through his features, causing you to twitch. 

There’s definitely something off. Something far more sinister underneath that polite expression and overly eager attempt at making small talk but you’re still not sure what it is. Or what it means when he offers you his help. 

“Fair point, but what are you hunting, may I ask?” 

“Something terrifying?” Astarion questions. “Perhaps a dragon or a kobold?”

What if it’s you?

Your partner’s eyes shoot to yours. Immediately, they fill with something you’ve never seen before. Bordering on fear, you’re quick to notice their unexpected vigilance. The building of a thought that drives his mind to something new. 

Suddenly in an instant, he’s overly alert, the movements of his shifting pupils making you wonder if maybe this is the man Astarion's been looking out for. That somewhere in his past he took advantage of the wrong person and they’ve been enacting their revenge ever since. Honestly, it’d make sense. Vampires aren’t the most well-liked of creatures, and although, aside from Astarion you’ve never experienced the company of one, it’s become increasingly obvious he’s a special case. A vampire that excels in all deceptive measures and tactics, preying heavily on whatever victims he can get his hands on. So, it wouldn’t be far off to think this man was hired to kill him. 

Making use of the tadpole again, you reach out silently, feeling no reluctance as the face of a man appears at the back of your mind, towering over you. Black as the night itself, he shrouds you in an ocean of thick shadows that conceal his face but not his presence, and because of this, there’s a panic that rises through your chest. Clutching your lungs with clawed fingertips that threaten to burst them like balloons. 

You force yourself not to look at Astarion as the memory continues —as an angry voice echoes through your ears telling you you’re his. That you belong to him and no one else and that if you so much as step a hair out of line he’ll hunt you down. 

Before you can even react the memory fades, leaving you there to piece together the man in the vision and the hunter standing before you, knowing they’re connected by a common enemy. Strung together by a tether of motivation that ties around Astarion's throat like a tightened noose. 

He’s not here to kill him but to take him away. To snatch him right under your noses by playing the unsuspecting hero. 

“As exciting as those options are, I'm actually on the lookout for a vampire spawn. His name is Astarion but I fear he’s already long gone.”

His confirmation is all you need to let your guard rise further up. Allowing your fingers to stretch against your sides, readying their need to reach for your weapon, you merely nod your head and let Astarion take the reins. 

“Oh, what a pity. It’s always like that for creatures to run away at the illest of moments, isn’t it?” He leans in with that same devilish grin, tossing aside all previous fears in favour of this newfound information. 

“Isn’t it,” the man parrots, shaking his head with a fake laugh. “Rather unfortunate considering I’m only trying to bring him home.” 

“Home?”

The word pours from your lips with such desperation that even the hunter questions your response. Raising his brow, he only slightly leans forward with interest, clicking his tongue as he glances between the two of you. “You wouldn’t happen to know this Astarion character, would you?” 

“I don’t think I’ve heard of him.” 

“Nope.” 

You sound like two opposing sides of a coin. Astarion, ever the charmer responds with subtly, the structure of his body remaining calm and collected while you remain a ball of nerves. A tightly wound set of muscle and bone too quick on the draw for your response to be deemed believable.

“He’s dangerous, you know. A wicked thing. Or, so I’ve heard.” He’s speaking solely to you but regardless Astarion continues to control the conversation, pulling it all back with a loud hum. 

“Wicked you say? Care to elaborate.”

There’s confusion for a moment. Then acceptance, prompting the man in front of you to explain. “While he’s nothing more than a vampiric spawn, he’s still got quite the head on his shoulders. Cunning, but nothing compared to a real vampire.” 

You know Astarion’s fuming beneath his facade then. Eagerly awaiting to rip this man apart, limb by bloody limb once the opportunity arises. You can feel his emotions through the tadpole —the way they pulse in angry waves, threatening to spill out at a moment’s notice. 

Almost instantly, it forces you to push him back. Closing your eyes for a second or two, you shift thoughts of comfort to his head, letting him know that you’re there. That if the moment comes where this hunter makes his move you’ll be ready to defend him.

Thankfully, it calms him down —steadies the rousing anger that you know is still there, lingering beneath the surface. Allowing him to take a few breaths, resetting himself for the inevitable. 

“I mean, I’m no expert but considering they’re still technically vampires I feel it’s safe to assume you’re still at the risk of… oh, I don’t know, injury? A good maiming perhaps if the spawn were to be particularly famished?” 

“You’re not wrong, I suppose. Spawns are particularly powerful compared to the average but considering the sun’s high and dry I’d say we have the advantage.” 

“Do we now?”

The two of you share a glance. Astarion's tadpole squirms in time with your own and in an instant a plot is formed.

“Actually, now that you mention it I have heard tell of this Astarion fellow,” you muse, watching the man’s expression. How it changes from innocent hero to hungry hunter at the drop of a hat. 

Next to you, Astarion nods his head, echoing your words.

“You don’t say?” 

“We were actually a part of a camp not far from here last night. A big group. So, it makes sense why the name didn’t come to me sooner.” You push out a fake laugh, acting as if the whole thing’s some silly little mistake while you wave a hand through the air. “Now that you’ve reminded me though, he was definitely there, lurking about like a little leech.” 

You wiggle your fingers for dramatics, earning a scoff inside your mind that has you forcing back a genuine laugh, sensing Astarion’s annoyance. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know what way he was going?” 

This time Astarion pipes up. “I remember him saying something but, honestly, my uh, memory is a big foggy.” 

As he raises a hand to his face, gripping the bridge of his nose, you motion the man to move close. “Perhaps a bit of coin could remind my uh, lover here of the information you seek.” 

Lover, huh? 

Paying no mind to his internal dialogue, you rub your fingers together to signify your partner’s needs, watching intently as the man leans back and looks at you with slight annoyance before taking a moment, realizing he’s got nothing to lose. 

Considering the payout will more than likely cover such costs, he quickly turns his attention to the bag resting on his hip, opening it up with slow hands that you jump at the chance to catch off guard. 

Pulling a dagger off your hip, you make no sound as you drive the blade into the side of his throat. All you do is press a hand to his mouth, covering the groans that swiftly coat your fingers in blood, following him toward the ground. 

“I’d say be wary the next time you come snooping in other people’s business but I’m afraid it’s too late for that, isn’t it?” you tell him, feeling him struggle. Seeing him reach out to grab the knife that sits tightly in your hand, wedging itself further into the apex of his neck. Suddenly, it makes you realize what you’ve done. 

You’ve just killed a man in cold blood. And for the life of another killer, no less. Without so much as a thought, you drove this man straight to his grave, knowing that if you didn’t the probability of him gaining the upper hand would only grow. That if he survived and caught on to your ploy, he could’ve taken Astarion away. 

You realize then that you’re anything but ready for something like that to happen. Sure, he may be the cause of a lot of your frustrations throughout the day but somehow he manages to balance them out with his charm. With his innate ability to provide you with a space that’s begun to border the lines of comfort the more time you spend with him. 

It’d hurt too much to let him go. But it’d hurt even more knowing he’d be going back to his old life. To the one you still know so little about but feel its pain. The never-ending threat of a figure controlling his every movement. He may not have spared the details but you know the last thing he wants is to find his way back there, so you did what you had to do to prevent that. To keep him safe just as you so subtly promised. 

Breathing heavily, you let go of the knife and look toward him, asking him if he’s okay. 

“Okay? Darling, you can’t be serious!”

“What?” 

He’s kneeling on the ground beside you before anything else, reaching to grab your shoulders, pulling you roughly into his chest. “You just asked that man to pay us money and then jabbed a knife through his throat. If anyone should be asking who’s okay here, it’s me.”

“I’m fine. Are y—“

“Shhh.”

Up until now, it hadn’t occurred to you how badly you’d been shaking. Against his chest, you can feel the tremors of adrenaline take over as your head slowly lowers to his shoulder, releasing a loud and shaky breath. 

You know exactly what came over you at that moment. The fear of losing the only person that’s ever made you feel happy despite your flaws became too real and it caused you to lose all sense of preservation. 

Almost instantly, you became nothing more than a weapon —a striking blade shoved through opposing flesh. You felt the threat of the moment and your mind flew through all the other possibilities, landing on the only ending where Astarion's safety was ensured. 

Realizing this, you slowly move to wrap your arms around his waist, feeling him hesitate halfway through. 

It’s obvious then you’ve crossed some sort of boundary, so you go to pull away, apologizing under your breath as you feel his grip only tighten. 

“Are you okay?”

You’re not sure why he’s asking. Or why he refuses to let you go. “Astarion, I said I’m fine.” 

“Yes but are you okay?”

One of his hands moves to cup your cheek, pulling your focus back to him. Forcing you to see the uncharacteristic care inside his eyes as he thumbs your skin. It causes your tadpole to wriggle almost uncontrollably, discovering the connection that’s there. The unspoken bond he shares with you now that you’ve proved your loyalty. It’s enough to earn your honesty. To admit that you’re not okay while he continues to hold you. 

You’re not sure why you care so much for him. Maybe it’s the attention he offers in a world where loneliness is often rampant or the way he makes you laugh even during the most unsightly moments. Either way, all you know is that in this moment you’re afraid he’ll hate you for it. For letting the curtain of snide remarks and harsh jokes slip to reveal a body of emotions too big for you to carry by yourself. 

“I couldn’t let him take you.” 

Your voice is barely above a whisper. So inaudible against the sounds of the world around you that for a second you think you’ve spoke to his mind.

“I see that. You struck him before I could even ask him to sweeten the deal.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Astarion snorts and moves his hand, letting it glide across your cheek until it finds purchase beneath your chin. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You saw a dangerous man and took charge. Honestly, it was frightening.” 

“You’re not scared, are you?”

“Of?”

“Of me?” 

The laugh he lets go of is so full that this time you feel him shake, his frame rattling against yours as he taps your chin. “Not in the slightest, my dear. Impressed, maybe. A little bit turned on too if I’m being frank but no. Not scared.”

-

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[repulsiveliquidation]

without you || Ona Batlle

warnings : angst w/ happy ending, i promise. mentions of illness and death. based on the poem above. enjoy :)

last night you were in my dreams

looked me in the eye

god

it felt so real

her side of the bed’s empty. there’s no note left for you in her pretty writing. her car is gone from its place next to yours in the driveway. her pillow smells so much like her, it’s almost like she’s still here. the tears. you hate the tears. they fall without your permission. they wet your pillow, “I’m sorry,” you whisper, the lump in your throat made it hard to swallow.

you roll over to her side of the bed, the cold sheets solidify your loneliness. Ona’s gone. she left this morning, bags seemingly packed for such a long time that there was a little dust bunny at the back of the closet from where she hid the duffle bags.

the sun shines into your room just a little, the window left open from the night before. you had shared a glass of wine there, laughing so loud that the old man who lived across from you yelled for you two to go to bed. his wife scolded him and apologized for his behavior, blowing you a kiss and a promise of fresh pastries she would send you the next morning.

you opened the front door and there they were, neatly packed in a little basket. they were Miguelitos, Ona’s favorite. tears filled your eyes again, picking up the pretty basket with an unsteady hand. the old lady calls from across the road and you force a smile, voice breaking when you yell a thank you in a terrible attempt at Spanish. she smiles and nods anyway, watching as you tread back into the house and she sees you wiping a tear away.

they’re still warm so you leave them on the kitchen uncovered. you call Jonatan and tell him you feel like, faking a sniffle that he doesn’t buy but he gives you the day off anyway. suspiciously, Ona calls him not three minutes later with the same excuse. normally you’d call and tell him you were both under the weather but separate calls raise flags in his mind.

you crawl back into bed and begin to sob, hot tears staining your cheeks and pillow. you pull her pillow close to your chest and try to calm yourself, knowing it was no use when all you wanted was your girlfriend to hold you close and tell you everything was going to be alright.

she had done this two times before. Ona was a perfectionist, a master of her craft. every pass, tackle, dribble, and kick had to be perfect. one loose ball that was her fault meant another hour on the pitch perfecting the pass till her toes hurt from kicking the ball. the first time you had to physically throw her over your shoulder and drag her home, having a strict conversation with Alexia as she cleaned up. you made her promise to take her health seriously or Alexia would wait for the green light from you to be benched until she bucked up.

the message got to her head for about six months until a badly timed tackle earned her a second yellow of the game and the send-off. she ran off the pitch in anger, lashing out at Vicky who was comforting her as she walked off. you were on the bench with a little ankle sprain and waddled after her with Alexia, Mapi, and Pina in tow. you were ready to give her an earful when you heard muffled sobbing in the changing room. you told the others you would handle it and they backed off, faces full of concern for their friend.

“Ona?” you called, walking into the room slowly. she wiped her tears away, trying to look like she wasn’t crying. she refused to raise her head, eyes fixed on her muddy cleats.

“Amor, it’s just me,” you comfort, sitting beside her and rubbing her back. she flinches but leans into your shoulder, crying into your pressed shirt. you rock her a little and let her cry it out, gripping your coat tight as she shook in your arms.

“shh, it was just badly timed princesa. it happens.”

“I’ve let the team down, they need me…” she cried harder, snot running down her face. you reach into your pocket and pull out some tissues, reminding yourself to ask the girls which one of them stuffed it into your pocket. you wipe her face and kiss her nose.

“the girls are fine, we’re five goals up with ten minutes to go. we’ve got this game in the bag.”

“but the next games…”

“should give you a chance to rest and regroup. you’ve been working yourself to the bone again.”

“I’ve been sloppy at training, I can’t afford to make mistakes!” she yelled standing up and storming into the showers.

you lean back and decide to give her some space to breathe, hearing the loud chattering of girls high off another win and a clean sheet. you smile and congratulate them, not wanting them to worry about their teammate. Ona comes out from the showers second to last, hair wet and cheek rosy from the hot water. you sit in her cubby patiently waiting and she kisses you.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” she apologizes, fiddling with her fingers. you nod and smile at her, standing up gingerly since your legs have gone numb. she changes and you notice that she’s got one of your ratty t-shirts on and your training sweats. you shake your head and walk out the door, yelling that you’d have the car warmed up for in the front in five.

she scrambles into the car and relaxes into the seat, muscles visibly melting into the warm upholstery. you drive leisurely back home, the Barcelona sunset to your left. Ona snores in the passenger seat softly, not even waking up when the scent of the Chinese takeout you pick up fills the car.

she rouses when you park in front of your house, feeling the familiar cobblestone that you have to drive over just before bringing the car into park. she smacks her lips and feels your lips press a soft kiss on her cheek.

“We’re home, my love.”

she smiles and stretches her arms, climbing out of the car sleepily. you’ve brought all the bags into the house, already cleaning out her kit bag. she rummages through the bags of food and smiles when she smells her favorite. maybe taking a break wasn’t such a bad idea.

it was as if you were here again

deep down inside me feel

Ona locks herself in her room. the sheets feel foreign, itching her skin. you always had the softest sheets, catering to her sensitive skin. the bonus was that they always smelled like you and she made sure to take deep breaths when you changed the sheets every week.

the room smelled stale too. an expected circumstance since she was rarely over here anyway. your house was closer to the pitch and she already had half the closet to herself, why make the trip every time?

there was a knock on the door about twenty minutes after she got home. she knew it was Aitana with a billion questions but all she wanted was to be alone. really she wanted to be with you but she’d fucked that up. she didn’t even know why she ran, the pressure of performing was becoming too much and she didn’t want to be a burden. she couldn’t bear to see that look of disappointment she saw glimmer over your face when she got her first red card with Barça.

the banging on her bedroom door was what woke her up hours later. Aitana mentioned breakfast in the oven and coffee in the coffee pot before the front door slammed shut. she checked her phone and there was radio silence, half hoping that you had left an angry voicemail telling her to come home. instead, she was met with her wallpaper of you holding Coco over the summer at her parent’s house.  

tears pool in her eyes as she scrolls through her camera roll, swiping through all the silly photos you made her take that night. she threw her phone on the bed and screamed into the mattress, hoping deep down inside she was braver in another lifetime.

and when the light came to wake me,

and you slowly starting to fade away,

my soul was longing for you to take me,

Ona walked onto the pitch three days later, heart aching to see you. she stepped onto the pitch and spotted you talking to the girls, Ingrid slapping you on the back laughing at a joke Mapi told the group. she decides to avoid you, too cowardly to face the music. you notice her and smile but she turns away quickly, busying herself with her laces. you decide to try and corner her at the end of practice you do, needing the help of the girls to keep her from running to her car the moment Jonatan blows his whistle.

“why did you run away like that, Oni?” you ask her quietly, the rest of the team filtering out when Alexia begins to shepherd them outside.

“it’s none of your business,” she growls, tears flowing down her cheeks as she packs her kit bag. you grab her shoulder and she turns around with anger seething in her eyes. you’ve never seen hatred in her eyes before, it was unlike her; unlike your cheerful, noisy, playful but shy girlfriend.

“Ona? what’s gotten into you?” you ask, feeling tired of all the secrets she’s been harboring. for weeks you’ve been concerned about her odd behavior. she’s been making frequent visits to the medics, getting off practice earlier and staying longer sometimes, random trips to the ‘store’ for hours on end. you thought that she was planning something since your anniversary was coming up and she liked to make a big thing about it but when she left that morning it hit you that she was probably preparing to leave. this time though, it was for good.

it's her third round of dialysis this week. Ona sat in the lumpy chair of her dialysis center when her doctor walks in.

“how does it look, doctor?”

“it’s fourth-stage renal failure, Ona. you need a transplant or else you’re never playing football again. frankly, I don’t know how you’ve kept playing this long.”

“Jonatan knows.”

“I see,” he says and sits. “does your girlfriend know?”

“she’s not my girlfriend anymore.”

“did you decide that for her, or did she have any say?”

Ona looks up at him in shock. she tries not to jostle the machine as she sits up.

“How did you know?”

“you looked like you didn’t want to believe it when you said it.”

“she deserves better than,” she gestures to the machine, “this.”

“she deserves you,” he says and stands. as he walks away and Ona is about to cry, he turns and clears his throat. “she’s donated blood here before, she’s a perfect donor match.”

Ona tries to cry into her palm quietly, the weight of her decision bearing down on her shoulders.

but instead,

i must live without you,

for another day.

you wake up feeling groggy, and the sound of steady heartbeats fills the room. there’s another heartbeat that deep down sounds familiar and it puts a smile on your face.

a chilling call from Jonatan put you in this hospital bed. he explained that Ona needed a transplant and that you were a perfect match. you cried in his office, body shaking with anger at yourself more than at Ona. you knew that it ran in her family and that her age was when the onset was. the extra visits to the doctor and ‘shop’ trips all made sense now. you punched a wall on your way out dramatically, crying like a baby all the way home. you barged into her house, Aitana following behind you like a puppy.

“so you were just going to run and wait for you to die?” you yelled at her, body shaking in fury. she just stared at her fingers, fiddling with the end of the throw blanket in her lap.

“answer me!”

“you don’t deserve this!” she screamed back, tears running down her face. “you don’t deserve someone who is dying to be your girlfriend!”

tears flood down your cheeks and you hear her door click closed, Aitana in front of it.

“you had no right to decide that for me, Oni!”

“I couldn’t put you through this. if I don’t get a kidney soon, first it’ll be football then it’ll be me!”

“I know I’m a match.”

her head whips up to look at you so fast, you’re sure she’s gone and given herself another ailment.

“no.”

“I’m a perfect match, Onita.”

“I could never ask you to do that!”

“you’re not asking if I’ve already asked them to make sure it goes to you.”  

“Bebé, I–”

“no, you would do the same for me. I love you too much to see you like this,” you kneel in front of her as she sits on the bed, feeling overwhelmed. “Please, Oni,” you beg with your head in her lap, “Please let me help you.”

Ona wakes up and looks over at you, sighing in relief that the surgery was a success. the nurses have pushed your beds close enough together that you stretch your arm out and she does the same, fingers laced together with an unspoken promise to face every challenge that comes your way the only way you knew was right; together.

[cxrdycxps]

God’s Favorite/Devil’s Choice • Ellie Williams

☢️ religious trauma • child abuse (emotional and physical • mental illness • physical illness • emotional trauma • death ☢️

Main Masterlist • Ellie Williams Masterlist

“Momma?” You asked quietly, watching out the window at the back yard. The winter had hit Jackson hard which left the entirety of the town covered in snow and frost. It looked like someone had forgotten to draw in the details of real life.

“Yes, Baby?” Your mother hummed from her spot in the living room, feet up on the coffee table and book in her hand.

You looked down at the water your hands were in and the dishes you had just washed from dinner. You weren’t sure if you should ask but the question was eating you up inside. “Was all that really true?”

“All what, Baby?” Your mother asked. You released the water from the sink and clambered down from the chair you stood on carefully. You returned the chair to the dining table and moved slowly towards the living room, half hiding in the doorway.

“Am I really going to hell?” You asked her softly and she chuckled, patting the space beside her on the sofa. You joined her, climbing up on the cushion beside her.

“I wish you weren’t.” She sighed, pulling you onto her lap and holding you close. She rocked you slightly as you sniffled. “I’ve been trying to save your soul since birth but some people, well they’re just damned.”

You cried into her chest and she rocked you quietly, shushing you. Her hand ran up and down your back slowly and you had almost drifted to sleep when she tapped your leg. “You can’t sleep yet.”

You blinked at her sleepily before nodding, climbing down off her lap and stumbling towards the little cupboard under the stairs. You were five now. You had to say your prayers for an hour every night before bed.

The door to the closet closed behind you and plunged you into darkness. You didn’t like this part. You were afraid of the dark but your mother told you that you had to pray in here. You had to try and save your soul from hell.

///

“Well this just fucking sucks, doesn’t it?” You winced when Ellie dropped herself at your table, her arms crossed. She looked around and then looked back to you. “Why do you sit on your own? Are you the town freak, am I committing social suicide on my first day of school?”

You didn’t want to tell her. In fact you would die for just one friend that your mother hadn’t run away with her Bible rhetoric but you knew this wouldn’t last long. She was rough, always swearing and she seemed to be more world weary than you. Your mother didn’t like you to know a lot about what went outside the walls of Jackson because it opened your mind to sin.

“You kind of are.” You told her quietly. She looked around again at the other tables before shrugging and picking up her sandwich. “Dina is pretty cool. You could sit with her.”

“I’ve never been cool. I was a loser back in my old school and I met my best friend that way. Don’t want to break my lucky streak now.” She spoke with food in her mouth and grinned at you. You winced but couldn’t help the little laugh you gave her. It would be nice to have a friend for a little while again.

“Have you ever heard of Savage Starlight?” Ellie asked and you shook your head. This launched her into a massive spiel on what had to be the greatest comic book ever made and she informed you about all the characters and story lines she had gotten to read.

“‘Course I don’t know how it ends which is fucking annoying but I suppose that’s my little taste to understand how surviving the outbreak was hard. What about you?” Ellie asked and you blinked at her before shrugging. “Got any hobbies?”

“Not really. I got a lot of chores to do after school. I don’t really get time.” You explained and Ellie scrunched her face up. “It’s just me and Momma. I gotta help her out cause she’s not able to get around that easy.”

“Oh. Was she hurt?” Ellie asked softly and you smiled at her thoughtfulness but shook your head. “What then?”

“She’s getting old, she says. So I have to help. That’s my job as a daughter, you know?” You explained and she seemed to be pondering the thought before shrugging.

“I mean I’m an orphan, so not really. Joel doesn’t make me do chores because he’s boring and likes doing them. Says it reminds him of before.” Ellie explained and you nodded. It made sense.

“Were you always an orphan?” You asked and she nodded, sipping at her water. “My pa died before I was born too.”

“Nice. I don’t actually know if my dad died but I’ve been in an orphanage since basically my birth. Joel is kind of like my dad except not, you know?” Ellie asked and you shook your head. You hadn’t really ever had a dad around so you couldn’t really relate.

“Not really but I’m glad you have someone.” You told her and she smiled brightly at you.

“I think now I have two someone’s.” You shared her smile a little reluctantly. Ellie was nice, you knew that made it hurt more when they didn’t want to be friends anymore.

///

“That girl, with the swearing? Is she in your class?” Your mother asked. You were stood at the sink, staring out at the back yard. Summer had come and the flowers you had planted in the spring were all in bloom. You were rather proud of them.

“Ellie?” You asked for clarification but you knew it could only be her. She had been at the Tipsy Bison with Joel for dinner and she had been swearing up a storm. “The new girl?”

“Yes, the new girl. Don’t be daft on purpose, it doesn’t suit you.” You ducked your head focusing on the warm water your hands were in. “Is she in your class?”

“There’s only one class, Momma.” You sighed and heard the sofa creak as your mother stood from her seat. You counted the foot steps it took for her to get to you.

“That sort of cheek is the reason you’ll never get past the gates of heaven.” Your mother snapped and you winced in preparation when she took a handful of your hair and pulled you towards the cupboard under the stairs. “I don’t know why I even try with you anymore. Get in there.”

The closet had gotten cramped with age but still you were supposed to fit in and pray for at least an hour when your mother got like this. She didn’t pray with you but she did expect you to pray out loud without any pauses or noises of shuffling around.

Your eyes would adjust in a few minutes and you would have to find a cramped position in which you could be comfortable because any sign of stiffness or soreness would be seen as a regret for having prayed and earn you another hour.

“I can’t hear you.” Your voice raised in level and you counted the prayers out on your fingers hoping you didn’t miss one. She wouldn’t tell you until after and you’d have to start all over again. Tears of frustration pricked at your water line and you did your best to keep your voice steady.

You hadn’t been cheeky. You were just answering her question. She was so convinced of your damned soul that she took any chance to try absolve your sins immediately after you had committed them. You weren’t sure why you weren’t able to go a day without sinning but you knew deep down your mother was right. You were awful and you would go to hell because you had been lying to her.

You and Ellie had been friends for weeks now and she had understood when you told her that your mother didn’t like you having friends. She never approached you outside of school when you were with your mother and it had turned into one of the longest friendships you’d ever had without her to get in the way.

So you prayed a little harder for your lies and begged god not to remove the first good thing that had happened to you in years.

///

“Joel is teaching me to play guitar.” Ellie told you quietly. You were supposed to be filling out your math worksheets together but both you and Ellie were very good at math and had finished them in the first five minutes. “He wanted to be a singer when he was younger.”

“Is he any good?” You asked, laughing at the idea of big Joel Miller singing the gospel music your mother played for you when she was in a good mood.

“I think so. He’s good at country at least. I don’t know about all those old pop songs that he sings while he’s washing dishes. He just looks and sounds stupid then.” Ellie told you with a grin and you laughed again.

“He seems really fun. Me and Momma don’t have fun like that.” You told her, hand reaching up to sooth your scalp that had been burning. Four times this week she’d dragged you by your hair to pray.

“I wish you could come over to our house. Joel could make dinner and you could see the garage. I basically live on my own.” Her chest puffed out and you were in awe. You’d like to live on your own you think.

“I wish I could too. I could see all your comics and posters.” You sighed wistfully and she bumped her shoulder against yours.

“I’ll just bring them all in one by one for you to see.” She promised and you smiled brightly at her, swallowing against the almost sick feeling you got in your stomach when Ellie was nice to you.

“I know you’re gonna say this is sappy but you’re my best friend, you know that?” You asked her and she laughed.

“I’m your only friend, Angel.” That nickname seemed like it was gonna stick. Ellie had chosen it when she asked why you always paused before eating your lunch. When you had explained that you were praying she had tagged you with the nickname despite your protests that you were far from an angel.

“You’re still the best.” You promised her and she laughed, resting her head on your shoulder for a minute before straightening up again. Ellie didn’t like saying sappy stuff so she chose to touch you in some way instead, it was how she showed she liked someone. “Yeah, I know. You love me too.”

She laughed and pushed you away but you noticed her cheeks turning pink and you knew you had hit the nail on the head. You were her best friend too. You’d never had that before.

///

“Momma?” You climbed the stairs slowly, surprised to not find your mother in the living room when you got home from school. There was no reply to your call and you found the bathroom door wide open along with your mothers bedroom door.

But yours was shut tightly.

You weren’t sure why your heart was pounding as you stepped closer to the door, your hand reaching for the door knob. You took a deep breath and turned it, pushing the door open.

Your room was destroyed, everything pulled out of place, all of your books open and tattered on the ground. Your dresser drawers were overturned on the ground with your clothes spilled everywhere. “Momma?”

She was sitting on the edge of your bed, just waiting and watching your reaction. You looked around again and then back to her for explanation. “Are you okay?”

Your stomach was sinking and your lungs were constricting. She knew something she shouldn’t know and you only had one secret when it came to your mother. There was only one you couldn’t share. Ellie Williams.

“You’ve been very careful.” Your mother noted casually. Like she wasn’t in the middle of your upturned room, like she hadn’t made this mess. “Not even a trace of her.”

Of course there wasn’t. She had wanted you to bring home some of her comics but you had denied her. All the little notes she had written you were tucked away in your workbook in class. You knew better than to think you had that level of privacy at home. “Trace of who, Momma?”

“Ellie Williams.” Her tone was cold and you stayed in the doorway, not daring to get any closer to her when she was like this. It was a long way down the stairs to the cupboard if she got your hair now.

“I don’t know what you mean, Momma.” Your voice shook and she laughed at you. You didn’t know how your mother made such an expression of joy manage to be the exact opposite, cold and unfeeling.

“If I didn’t know better then I’d believe you.” She said and you swallowed, looking around again like you had been careless enough to forget something. “But when Joel Miller approached me to ask could you have a sleepover, promised it wouldn’t interrupt your chores. I had to pretend to know that you’d been talking to his girl.”

You felt faint. Your hand reached out for the door frame to steady yourself when your knees buckled. You had been so careful but not careful enough.

Your mother lifted her hands and settled a long black belt over her lap, smoothing the leather of it with her index fingers. It was your belt and you suddenly had to fight the urge to vomit.

“I always knew your soul was damned.” She sighed like the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. “But I never could’ve guessed to what extent. You’ve broken two commandments.”

“Momma, I didn’t.” You spoke quickly, fear pulsing adrenaline around your body. “I didn’t lie to you. I promise. I never told you that we talked because we sit beside each other in class. We aren’t friends, Momma. She just doesn’t understand that I have other priorities, Momma.”

The words burned you to speak them. It felt a greater sin to forsake Ellie’s friendship than to lie to your mother and when the tears pricked your eyes you knew it to be true. “I’m sorry, Momma.”

“You’ve just lied to me again, haven’t you?” She asked and you nodded slowly. There wasn’t a god on this world or the next that would have you deny Ellie.

“She’s nice to me, Momma. She doesn’t treat me mean the way everyone else does.” You explained through your tears. “I just wanted one friend. Just one.”

“You have one friend. The only friend you need. Jesus Christ who died for your sins.” Your mother stood and walked towards you.

“It’s not a sin to love Ellie, Momma. She’s my best friend.” Your mother froze in place, her eyes narrowed at you. You realized your mistake a second too late. “Not like that, Momma. We’re just friends.”

“Praying ain’t enough for you, child.” She handed over the belt and you stared at it in confusion. You had expected her to hit you with it. Maybe you were too harsh on your mother. “Go on, ten lashes.”

“You want me to-”

“Over your back. You’ll have to take your top of but self flagellation will work better than prayer. Don’t go easy either, if it don’t hurt it ain’t working.” She urged and you stared at her, bile crawling up your throat. “Come on now.”

“Momma, I didn’t do anything wrong.” You sobbed but she didn’t move, watching you with those cold eyes. “Momma.”

“Ten. I’ll count.”

///

“Dude, where the hell were you?” Ellie exclaimed when you took your seat next to her almost four days later. She wrapped an arm around your shoulders and you fought the hiss of pain, leaning into the comfort of her embrace.

You had suffered for this sin, you might as well commit it now.

“Got sick.” You explained and she let you go, looking you over. You knew how you looked. Your eyes were puffy and you were walking with a stiffness that came from being on your knees praying for almost three days straight.

“Damn, you look like hell.” She whispered and you couldn’t help the laugh. Hell was only the half of it. You had been through it all and back again in the last four days and you had made a decision.

You were choosing Ellie. No matter the pain or the punishment, you weren’t going to lose Ellie. You’d rather face an eternity of Hell in the afterlife than choose a moment without her in this one.

“I missed you.” You told her quietly and let your head rest on her shoulder. It pulled at your back but the comfort outweighed the pain you were feeling and so you didn’t move. “I missed you a lot.”

“I missed you too.” Ellie promised quietly, her head resting against yours. “And don’t be mad but Joel totally put his foot in it the other day. He asked you mom why you couldn’t sleep over. He didn’t know it was a secret.”

“Oh.” You tried to keep your voice steady. “She never said anything. Probably thought he had the wrong person.”

“Thats a relief. I didn’t want you to get in trouble over me.” Ellie sighed and the pair of you sat up when class began. Ellie kept her leg firmly against yours though and you were grateful for the comfort it offered.

When lunch came about Mrs Collins called your name and held you back while everyone else went to get food. You made you way up to her desk and she gave you a gentle smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” You promised her. Your mother had told everyone that you had been sick. You weren’t sure why it wasn’t a sin when she lied.

“Your mother told me you got a pretty nasty case of food poisoning?” Mrs Collins asked and you nodded, wondering was this another sin to pray for. “She also made a strange request.”

Your heart dropped and you looked back over your shoulder to where Ellie was waiting for you in the doorway, her back to you both. “Please don’t.”

“You want to tell me why she wouldn’t want you sitting by Ellie?” Mrs Collins asked and you shook your head, tears in your eyes. “If Ellie is hurting you or being mean to you then you can tell me.”

“No. She’s my best friend. Please don’t. I’m not allowed see her outside of school.” You explained in a rush, knowing you shouldn’t be sharing this much.

“Okay. It’s okay.” Mrs Collins insisted and you wiped at your face to dry the tears you didn’t mean to shed. “You and Ellie can stay beside each other. I’ll tell your mother I separated you both.”

///

“Only two weeks left.” You and Ellie were sixteen now, sitting with your backs against the school house. Well, Ellie was sitting back, you were a little more mindful of how the rough stone might hurt.

“What are we going to do then?” Ellie still didn’t understand the extent of your reasoning for why your mother couldn’t see you both being friends. She thought that you were old enough now to just make your own decisions.

“Well we could work together right? Your mom can’t stop that. You have to work in Jackson.” That much was true but you knew Ellie wanted to patrol just like Joel did. She had the urge to always be trying to save the world and you knew your mother wouldn’t allow it.

“You want to patrol. I’ll probably end up a waitress or in the greenhouses.” You sighed and ran a hand over your face. Ellie laughed a little and reached for your hand, tangling your fingers together and you paused, staring at them.

Ellie was turning steadily red but she didn’t let go, she tightened her grip and tugged so you’d turn to look at her. “I do want to patrol. But I want to spend time with you more. I can clean dishes or something if needs be.”

You stared at Ellie, your head tilted slightly as you studied her. She didn’t hide from you but she was blushing fully this time. You stared a second longer.

Oh.

Oh.

“Ellie.” You sighed before laughing. She attempted to free her hand but you held on tighter. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“How?” She exclaimed and it seemed like she had been holding this in for a long time with how it burst out of her. “I know you’re like super religious and most religious people hate gay people and we’re best friends and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Ellie.” You laughed again before reaching out and clasping her face in your hands. You didn’t give her a second, pulling her in and kissing her firmly. “I would walk into hell gladly knowing that I’ve held heaven in my hands.*”

“Oh you’re so fucking gay.” Ellie laughed and kissed you again, her fingers tangling in your hair. Those words should’ve terrified you but you had come to terms with it years ago while you willingly took lashings for punishment. You knew you’d take any form of torture to get to this point.

“I can’t tell anyone. Not yet. My momma will find out but Ellie, I’ve got a plan.” You promised and she smiled, her hand moving from your hair to cup your cheek.

“I haven’t told Joel yet. It’s okay.” She promised, her forehead pressing to yours.

///

You’d had a plan. It had been a good plan. Your best plan yet. Your plan did not factor Ellie and her teeth into account. The small mark she had made, definitely an accident, had given you away. Your mother had always been more than suspicious of Ellie and it seemed that even though a small bruise could be from any number of things it only made sense that it was her when paired with swollen lips and a light in your eyes.

“No.” She held the belt out to you and for the first time you refused it, shaking your head and crossing your arms. Fire burned in your mothers eyes and her jaw clenched.

“You have sins you need to repent for. You’ll burn in hell.” She cautioned and you felt the tears finally fall from your eyes, your bravery slipping away.

“Momma I love her. I’ve been in love with her since before I knew what it was.” You sobbed and she looked even angrier if possible. “How can this be wrong?”

“No child of mine will embarrass me like this before God himself.” Your mother insisted and you lifted your hands in desperation. “I won’t stand for it.”

“What more can you do?” You asked her quietly, desperately. Your love for Ellie wasn’t a flaw and it couldn’t be a sin. You didn’t want to be fixed or cured or healed. Something that felt this pure couldn’t be anything other than a blessing.

“I told you. I won’t have it.” Your mother insisted and you stared at her, unable to understand her threat. “The Lord says suicide is a sin but surely he’d understand I just couldn’t be tainted by your sin.”

“Momma, don’t do that.” You couldn’t help your tears. “It’s not bad. It’s not!”

“It is and you know it. You wouldn’t have hidden it if you weren’t ashamed of your sin.” She told you and you choked back on your sobs. “You knew that you’d never be without sin but to go and do this. I knew since you were born that you were filled with sin but I didn’t think it was cause you were one of them!”

“Momma! You know I can’t change it. I can’t. I love her.” You were choking on the tears and she only shook her head. “You can’t do that, Momma. You can’t.”

“You want me to stay alive then you stop seeing her.”

///

“Hey Angel, you okay?” Ellie asked and you blinked at her before shaking your head.

“I can’t do this. I thought I could but I can’t.” Your back was raw from the amount of repenting you had required the evening before.

“Can’t do what?” Ellie asked, unsure.

“This. Us. I thought I could reconcile it but it’s not something I can allow myself to do.” You told her, tears already flowing down your cheeks.

“What? Allow yourself to what?” Ellie asked. “Be fucking happy?”

“I won’t be happy if I move out of my Momma’s. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving her there.” You told Ellie honestly. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise this before.”

“You can’t be serious.” Ellie stared at you, her face guarded like you were going to laugh and tell her it was a sick joke. “You are serious.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You wanted her to understand but she was too heroic. She would try help if she thought this wasn’t your decision.

“Yeah. So am I for not taking your fucking word for it the first day I met you. I should’ve sat with someone else.”

///

“Saw your girl started patrol today.” You looked up from the soapy water in the sink to where your mother was standing by the back door. You blinked at her, coming out of the daze you had been in. “That ain’t no job for a woman.”

She had been horrible the last few weeks. Telling you all about Ellie’s coming and goings when you refused to leave the house for anything other than work. Washing dishes down at the Bison. Everyone had to do their part, you hated doing yours.

It wasn’t a bad job per se. You could zone out and let muscle memory take over as you scrubbed the plates clean. No one talked to you much on account of your mother and it got you out of the house for a few hours every evening.

The problem was Ellie came to the diner every night with Dina and Jesse. She didn’t linger and you doubted that she even knew you were in the back. But you always found a second to pause when you heard her voice, as familiar to you as your own heartbeat.

“You never had anything to say when any other women go on patrol. Maria’s been doing it since the walls went up.” Your head jerked back with her grip on your hair and her hand pressed to the spot between your shoulder blades causing you to hiss.

“I didn’t ask for your sass.” She warned and you blinked back tears from the pain. “I think you oughta get to praying.”

“I got work, Momma.” You told her and she gripped your hair tighter. Her hand dug into your back, nails pressing deep.

“Better go get the belt then if you’re in such a hurry.” Your mother spat and released your hair. “Every time you talk like that I get reminded that you’re a child of the devil.”

You had a hard time believing that having the devil for a mother would be any different than the Momma you had.

///

It was years before you saw the signs. You had turned twenty one under your mothers watchful glare. She threatened harm on herself if you so much as came home late from work. You wondered why you cared so much that she remained unharmed when you hadn’t been able to lie on your back for years.

It all became clear one night when you followed the noise of her downstairs. She was standing in the kitchen, looking around in confusion. “Baby, what’re you doing up so late?”

She hadn’t called you Baby in years. Not since before you had met Ellie. She claimed that no baby of hers could be full of sin. “Just checking you’re okay, Momma.”

“I’m fine. Just a little lost.” She told you, an airy laugh on her lips. “I can’t find the bathroom.”

She was standing in a puddle.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Dealing with her was both harder and easier after your discovery. Maria let you stay home and care for her when you went to her and explained what was happening. There wasn’t exactly a nursing home you could send her to.

She began to pass through phases, a different version of your mother every time you talked to her. Sometimes you had your Momma back, a sweet woman who told you how pretty you’d grown to be. Sometimes you had your mother, the one who remembered Ellie.

Then one morning, the month you were turning twenty two, you had no mother. She had fallen asleep in her rocking chair and that was where you found her.

You sat with her for a long time. Just staring at her and wondered when it had gotten to the point that you stopped caring about her. Her death didn’t seem to have done anything besides giving you a sense of freedom you had only ever felt once before with Ellie’s lips on yours and her hands in your hair.

You found it within yourself to change her and wash her. She wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to do it. You laid her out in her own bed and then made your way down to the clinic to get a doctor to finally free you from her.

///

You had elected not to have a funeral service for your mother. You hadn’t even attended her burial yourself. No one had liked your mother, not even you. Maria had tried to sympathize with you but you hadn’t let her. She was the only one who tried.

You found yourself moving out of her house and into a small one bedroom cottage Maria had offered up. You returned to the Bison to wash dishes. You lived a boring life without prayers or belts or a constant ache on your scalp from having your hair pulled out by the root.

You could read books and leave the dishes overnight and play music that didn’t mention Jesus. Your back healed up but would forever be scarred but you knew without a doubt that your pain was at an end.

It had ended alongside her heartbeat and you knew for sure it was a bad thing to think but you no longer punished yourself for bad thoughts.

You no longer punished yourself.

///

A knock on the door gave you a pause and you looked up from your book to the living room window but you couldn’t see your front porch from the angle you were sat at. Just the pouring rain that had washed into Jackson a couple of days ago.

You pushed yourself up and answered the door, expecting Maria who came to check up on you monthly to make sure you hadn’t succumbed to madness while being so isolated.

It wasn’t Maria. It was Ellie.

She was soaked, rain water running down her hair and face into her clothes. You couldn’t say anything and chose instead to just stare at her as she left a puddle on your porch.

“Your mom died?” She asked and you marveled in how you had gone from speaking to her every day for almost four years to have gone longer without her words aimed at you.

“She did.” You answered slowly after a few minutes of just the rain for background noise. You continued to stare at her.

“I’m sorry.” You blinked, falling out of your trance at the condolences she offered. You folded your arms across your chest.

“What do you want Ellie?” You didn’t mean to sound harsh but you didn’t want her apologies. You wanted her to leave so you could get on with your quiet life.

“I want to know if she was the reason.” Ellie stopped pretending the second you did, grim determination on her face.

“We were kids, Ellie.” You sighed and she wiped the water off her face and clenched her jaw. “You can’t be still thinking about it.”

“Still thinking about it?” She exclaimed. “I ain’t stopped thinking about you. I’ve spent the last six years wondering if your mom wasn’t around would we be together.”

“Ellie.” You sighed heavily, stepping back from the doorway. She looked panicked for a second and you opened the door wider. “Come in before you catch your death.”

///

You got Ellie clothes to change into and a towel to dry herself off. When she returned to your living room she was wrapped in your clothes, toweling her hair dry. You had lit the small fire in your living room and now you were standing by the window, watching the rain.

“I didn’t know she had died.” Ellie spoke quietly and you looked up at her, releasing a sigh. You took a seat on your sofa, inviting Ellie to sit next to you. “Maria mentioned it in passing while we were at dinner. I came straight over here.”

“She had dementia or Alzheimer’s. One of those. It was bound to happen.” You explained to her and she nodded slowly.

“I know you really loved her.” Ellie sighed and you turned your head to look at her.

“I didn’t. Not really. I had a really tough life with her.” You explained to Ellie and she nodded like she had always known that. She didn’t get to nod like that. She didn’t know the half of it. “I think she had her sickness my whole life. She was batshit insane.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Ellie asked and you shrugged. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t been able to tell anyone. Mostly, you reasoned, you hadn’t known she was sick. How could you tell Ellie that you thought you were the problem? That you were so full of sin even your own mother couldn’t love you?

“It was my problem to deal with.” You told her honestly. “What are you really doing here?”

“To see if your okey. To see if there’s a chance we got it wrong at sixteen.” Ellie turned to face you, drawing her knees up to her chest. You couldn’t look at her.

“We?” You asked, picking at your nail beds and ignoring how close she was, how your body lit up in response.

“Yeah. We. You for calling it all off and me for letting you walk away.” You turned to look at her, incredulous. “I shouldn’t have given up.”

“That’s exactly what you should’ve done. Anything else would’ve made it so much worse.” You told her, pinching the bridge of your nose to ward off the headache you could feel coming.

“I could’ve helped!” Ellie insisted. “I could’ve given you the support you needed.”

“You couldn’t have made me straight!” You yelled, standing up from the sofa. You paced back to the window, staring out at the rain. “I needed to not be like this. You couldn’t have fixed that. She hated me.”

“She was your mother.” Ellie argued and you scoffed, fighting the urge to turn and look at her. “She had to have loved you.”

“She told me she’d kill herself if I went back to you.” You turned then, wanting to see the look in her eyes. The look of disgust because you gave in, you let her control you. But Ellie didn’t look disgusted, she looked horrified. “I came home one evening with swollen lips and this tiny mark on my jaw and she knew what we’d been doing. She told me that if I kept talking about loving you that she’d kill herself to not be stained by my sin.”

“She was sick. She didn’t know what she was-” your hand went to the hem of your T-shirt, pulling it up so that she could see your back. The criss cross of scars that overlapped. Years of torture and abuse. All of it culminating in this. “Angel.”

Ellie breathed that old nickname and you dropped your shirt but she caught it, having moved closer without your knowing. Her fingers ghosted over your skin and her breath came out shaky.

“When did this start?” Ellie asked and you laughed bitterly. “This isn’t a fucking joke. When did it start?”

“The day Joel asked for a sleepover. I told you she couldn’t know. I guess you just didn’t understand why.” She let your shirt drop and you turned around to find yourself face to face with her. “She told me that I was damned at five years of age. She used to make me pray in the dark for hours at a time. When I was twelve she made me hurt myself to repent for the sin of loving you. I never could. I repented for not being sorry instead.”

“I could’ve helped. I could’ve gotten you out.” Ellie sighed, her hand coming up to your cheek. You leaned into her and closed your eyes against the emotions that were welling up. “I could’ve fucking killed her for you.”

“I would’ve taken you up on that. Isn’t the awful?” You asked her but she shook her head, wrapping her arms around you. “I was so relieved when she died.”

“Guess I don’t have to feel bad for feeling the same way. I always knew it was her. Cause this, what’s going on with us, we might’ve been kids but I know what I felt, Angel. This was the real deal.” Ellie whispered against your neck and then you let it happen. You let the tears fall. You held her tightly and you sobbed for everything you could’ve had for the last six years.

///

You were sitting on the sofa, curled up against Ellie’s chest. Her hands softly stroked your hair and you were struck silent by the parallel of your mother doing the exact opposite, hurting you so violently.

“So you gonna cut me loose or keep me this time?” Ellie asked quietly. You looked up at her and without speaking cupped her cheek in your hand and pulled her down to your level. You pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and she smiled. “Not afraid of Hell any more?”

“If loving you leads me to hell then I’ll sit at the table with all the others who gave up the idea of an eternity of heaven for a short time with the true meaning of paradise.”

*Lyra Wren on tiktok

[most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer]

Good Omens: Lockdown and Crowley not mentioning his living situation in S2*

*till S2E6 when he asks if he can have his apartment back bc he's bored of living in his car but Aziraphale doesn’t hear bc mentally he’s in Alpha Centauri.

Having read the 'Crowley doesn't tell him' Neil Gaiman ask close to when I first listened to Lockdown (I lived under a rock until recently), my initial thought was HAS HE BEEN LIVING IN HIS CAR FOR YEARS?! but I think he was still in his apartment in 2020:

as far as Hell knows, Crowley just had a pool party in holy water (the holiest) so the higher-ups are probably willing to give him some space (plus Beelzebub is busy going on pub dates w Gabriel)

while there should be ~8 months between the end of Season 1 events (The Very First Day of the Rest of Their Lives on Sunday, Aug 25, 2019) and the Lockdown phonecall (on or near the 30 year anniversary on May 1, 2020), I can't imagine that's a very long time for Hell, especially if you're understaffed and busy dealing with fallout from Almostgeddon / going on pub dates

Shax dropping off mail and asking about the boiler seems like something one does in the first few months of living somewhere, not ~3 years in (if S2 is in 2023)

That said, I think the phone call underlines why Crowley never directly tells Aziraphale that he is living in the Bentley in S2, and it's just a great conversation (all hail Gaiman) sooo I wrote about it:

***Note: This post analyzes the Lockdown phonecall from Crowley's perspective only. Our heroine is feeling quite emotionally vulnerable at this point in time so things are going to hit him harder than they normally would.

I do not think Aziraphale meant to cause him pain (!!) but Crowley can't see that yet and I've written this post in a way that reflects that missing insight. (I explain in more detail in this reblog if you are interested) I am working on a companion post for Aziraphale's side of this conversation and how I think it affects his behavior in S2 because if we know anything about these two, it's that their exactlys are different exactlys.***

Crowley’s habit of sleeping to skip time like an RPG character by a campfire amuses me to no end, but in this context it feels heavy. Crowley already worries about losing time with what he loves and he probably hoped things would be different between him and Aziraphale after the events of S1. But things don’t change much. Then lockdowns start, and Crowley is trapped in his apartment alone, transcendentally bored, and unable to make his brain shut up. Sleeping a month away starts to sound less awful.

But Crowley hasn’t given up yet; he’s still awake when Aziraphale calls, and he’s even giving it two more days. Was he waiting for Aziraphale to call? Is it even possible not to at least kind of wait for someone’s call when you are cut off from everything and the caller has been your only friend and crush for millennia?

Aziraphale asks why Crowley isn't "out and about" tempting people or setting a bad example and he responds:

C: Everyone's so miserable and cooped up right now anyway, and I just… well… don't have the heart for it. A: *glowing audibly* I'm not miserable~ C: Really?

Crowley sounds genuinely surprised at Aziraphale's happiness and quickly assumes it's because the angel has been around people. He's so lonely/depressed/in his own head that he hadn't even considered someone enjoying being 'cooped up'. *sob*

Aziraphale goes No actually I put the closed sign up in the window and I'm having the Time of My Life, never had so few customers, not in 200 years!, etc. Although, he says:

A: …There were a few young lads a couple of nights ago who broke in through the back and tried to steal the cashbox! But they soon saw the error of their ways~ C: *clearly amused* Did you smite them with your wroth? A: Well I certainly gave them a good talking to, and I sent each of them home with cake~ C: *annoyed, swooning* Cake? A: Quite a lot of cake, actually. C: *physically ill from having such a giant crush on this dumbass baker/security guard* eeeekkkgghhh I'm gonna regret asking but.. ...rrgh.. *30 seconds of Aziraphale joyfully describing his baking while Crowley probably tries very hard not to imagine the angel eating each item in sensual slow motion* I stg you can hear him struggling in the background once or twice

A: …And once I've baked them, I have to eat them all myself, which was why I was so delighted— C: To send your burglars home laden with baked goods, yes, nnyeaayeah I follow…

Crowley interrupts, finishing Aziraphale's sentence in his nervous hurry to say the next bit:

C: *loud inhale* You know, I could.. hunker down at your place. … Slither over and watch you eat cake. I could bring a bottle--a case of… something… drinkable…?

He's trying to sound so casual about it but this is someone who was rejected/abandoned by actual literal God after asking what he thought were welcome, uncontroversial questions. Asking makes him vulnerable. He's supposed to be the rescuer, not a demon in distress. He does not feel casual about asking.

Crowley knows it's unlikely but he's so miserable and desperate for company that he can't help but ask, just in case. Even the smallest chance of spending time trapped indoors with Aziraphale—with nothing to do but drink, watch him eat, and talk about things they'd normally avoid—is too tempting.

A: *panicking* Oh I— I— I— I— I'm afraid that would be Breaking All The Rules! *nervous breathing* Out of the question! I'll see you… when this is over. C: Right. gnnehh. I'm setting the alarm clock for July. Good night, angel. *dial tone*

And just like that, Crowley doesn't need two days to decide. The depression nap doubles in length. He doesn't hear how badly Aziraphale wants to say yes behind the fear, or maybe he does and it hurts worse because why isn't Crowley enough for him? You can almost hear the spiralling:

SHOCKING, asking made it worse. It always does doesn’t it? Why even bother? you just embarrass yourself.. SLITHER over? why did I say that *grumble grumble* of COURSE His Holy Holiness, your only friend in the universe, would rather eat cake by himself while everything goes to shit than ~deign~ to have you in his presence. "AsK aND yE sHaLl ReCeIvE" bugger this for a lark im going to bed

(a bit dramatic but we've all been there)

I imagine sleep doesn't come right away. Maybe his thoughts drift to when he sat beside the angel at a dark Tadfield bus stop after a rather eventful Saturday. Crowley must've felt a tiny bit hopeful when he invited Aziraphale to stay with him: Heaven had withdrawn its favor and the bookshop was gone; Aziraphale was like him now. Didn't that mean things would change?

"I don't think my side would like that." Apparently not.

In the end, Aziraphale did ride the bus back to Crowley's apartment and stayed till the next morning when he caught a cab, but only to sell the illusion. Crowley understood that as far as sides went, the angel was still on Heaven's, even if Heaven wasn't on his.

And now this: the entire world is shut down; there is nothing for Aziraphale to do but stay in and read and bake in his magically reconstituted bookshop and he still won't invite Crowley in. Burglars and un-fallen angels only—nobody who asks questions.

So... of course Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale when he loses his apartment. He already knows what answer he would get; the angel has told him so many times. Aziraphale is a company man first, a companion to one very sad owl when convenient.

If Crowley works up the courage to say 'please take me in, I have nowhere else to go' and Aziraphale goes 'sorry, no, far too political, but I WILL risk being erased from the Book of Life to protect this nude amnesiac former coworker who always hated me,' it's going to be too much. You can't sleep long enough for that type of hurt to go away. Better not to say anything.

"Then nothing has to change, does it?"

[pamalissou]

I read a lot of criticism of Steven and Duncan's behavior at Landcon, but I can't help wondering how anyone can be so harsh on these two people without having the slightest idea of the real context of what happened on stage. The Landcon can be compared to a rock concert, and you have to understand that every year the same question is asked: what's he wearing under his kilt? So he provided a direct, visual answer to that question. Steven Cree is a man of heart, and those who criticize him have never seen him jump off the stage to shake hands and hug that cancer survivor who thought she wouldn't be there with us because of her illness. You haven't heard him talk about a very moving scene he had with John Bell, and how he confided to us that he wouldn't have played it with such intensity if he hadn't been a father in real life. Duncan Lacroix, whom you all consider an alcoholic, may not know that he is fully aware of his drinking problem. But for those who don't know that alcoholism is a real disease, did you know that, in his own words, OL saved his life, because before he was on the show, he was homeless and collected cigarette butts for a living? It's not gossip, he told us. Duncan is a very shy and gentle man who is totally supported by the OL family, he has been married and is now single, his favorite place is the Isle of Skye and one of his greatest joys is meeting the fans. So all critics should buy a ticket to next year's Landcon, come and meet these people and find out for themselves who they really are. My twenty cents on that one.

[from-the-clouds]

texas sun - joel miller x f!reader - vol. 1

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist |

summary: When you let your new neighbor’s daughter inside to call her father from your landline, you never expect to be dealing with the fallout twenty years later. Series will take place before and after the outbreak, and is partially inspired by this request. Slow-burn(ish), eventual smut. pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader words: 6.4k chapter warnings: mentions of/encounters with a drunk person, references to absent parents, i imply that both reader (and joel) like pineapple on pizza. a/n: i need to get my shit together and make a proper masterlist/post for this series but i'm absolute garbage with photoshop/making collages so that is a project for another day!! for now, i wanted to get this first part out to ya'll. i watched a playthrough of the game too so ill be including some references to that throughout the series. this will be some hallmark-movie ass romance so strap in!! this chapter was super fun to write and i loved writing for reader and sarah, give it a read and let me know what you think!

-March 7, 2003- 

“Excuse me? Ma’am? Excuse me?”

The voice behind you is so timid you don’t hear it right away, especially not when your phone is pressed to your ear with your shoulder as you sort through the mail, your coworker droning on and on…

“Ma’am?” 

It’s a little more forceful this time, a little closer too, and that’s when it finally gets your attention. Turning around on your heel, you find a young girl standing behind you, one hand hooked in the strap of her backpack that hangs off of one thin shoulder, the other worrying about the butterfly pendant of the necklace she’s wearing. 

You recognize her immediately as one of your neighbors, the girl from across the street whose name you didn’t know yet, because you only moved in about two months ago. You’d met the man who you assumed was her father – Joe? Or was it Joel?, you couldn’t remember – the first day you’d moved in, but there had been so much going on that you were too flustered to be engaged.

It’s a Friday, but apparently that doesn’t keep you safe from work calls after you leave the office, because you’re getting an earful of a whole lot of hot air, so much so that you’re probably unintentionally frowning at the girl in front of you while you try to follow the conversation.

“....I think you’re right, but they’re not going to budge unless we sweeten the deal somehow-”

“Can I call you back?” you blurt, ultimately thankful for the interruption. You don’t even wait for his response before you click off your blackberry, sighing, looking up. “Hi, yeah, sorry. Can I help you?”

“Uhm, I’m Sarah…..Miller….I live across the street?” her voice goes up slightly at the end of the sentence, like she’s unsure, even as she points to the home behind her, a two-story place that’s considerably bigger than your own, but maybe a little older. “I uhm…I locked myself out and I was wondering if I could use your phone…to call my dad at work? Please?” 

“Oh, yeah,” you say. “That’s fine. Just uh..follow me I guess.”

Tucking the stack of mail in your hand under your arm, you wave her after you, your kitten heels clicking on the hard pavement of your driveway. 

“Be careful here,” you warn her as you step over the middle step to your front porch that has rotted, and gives easily under any amount of weight. You’d learned about it the hard way, last week, and still had the bruise on your leg to show for it. 

Your front door is open, and Sarah pauses to take off her shoes when you do, a pair of beat-up white Converse that have been doodled on in Sharpie.

“Here, phone’s right there,” you lead her into the kitchen and point to the landline. “Can I get you anything to drink?” 

“Uhm, could I just get some water…please?” She stands rigidly in your kitchen, rocking back and forth on her heels.

“Of course,” you reach into the cabinet. Once the glass is filled and placed in front of her, you retreat to your front living area to give her some privacy while she makes the call, sitting on the couch and scrolling through unanswered emails on your blackberry. Sarah mumbles indiscreetly, until you hear her call out again. 

“Uhm…ma’am…I’m sorry, Miss…uh-what’s your last name?”

“Oh,” you sit up, giving her your first instead. 

“Okay….Uh, my dad wants to talk to you…could you-”

“Sure,” you stand, stepping back into the kitchen, and accepting the receiver from the girl. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, this is Joel Miller,” you’re greeted with a low, gruff drawl. “You’re the new neighbor, I believe introduced myself a while back”

“Joel,” you repeat. It’s Joel. Joel, Joel, Joel, you force yourself to remember. Joel and Sarah Miller. “Yes, we met very briefly.”

“And it sounds like you met Sarah.”

“Yeah.”

On the other end of the line, you hear him hesitate, let out a long sigh. “Look, I hate to put you out, but she lost her key to the house, and she tells me the Adlers aren’t home. Do you think she could stay at your place until I’m able to get off work in a couple hours? I know it’s a big ask, but-”

“Of course she can,” you cut him off, peering over your shoulder at Sarah, who’s staring up at you expectantly with wide, terrified eyes. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal.”

“She’s probably got homework so I’ll make sure she stays quiet and out of your way. I’m so sorry, she should know better than this. It’s the second time this month this has happened, I keep tellin’ her-”

“Like I said, it’s not a big deal,” you cut him off, unintentionally, before wondering if it was rude you didn’t let him finish. It’s the native New Yorker in you, always in a rush and uninterested in drawn-out excuses. It’s an unfortunate instinct you’ve been trying to train yourself out of, particularly now that you’re living in the southwest. You soften your tone. “She can stay as long as she needs to, seriously. I don’t have anything planned.”

“Okay,” the voice on the other end sounds relieved. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I should be home by nine, I’ll call if anything changes. Thanks so much.”

“Of course, we’ll be fine. See you soon.” You hang up. 

Sarah is still behind you when you turn around, clutching the glass of water she’s got in both hands like a vice. “You can stay here until your dad gets home,” you tell her. 

“Did….did he sound mad?”

“Maybe a little stressed,” you’re honest. “But….not mad. I also don’t know him, so…”

“I bet he’ll be mad. This is the second time I’ve locked myself out this month because I forgot my key, and I already got lectured once that last time because he had to leave work early.”

“You made a mistake, people forget things…” you shrug. “I’m sure he’ll get over it.”

Her shoulders relax slightly, and she looks around like it’s the first time she’s actually registered where she’s at. “You have a nice house. It’s cozy.” 

“Thanks,” you put your hands on your hips and look around too. “I’m still settling in, so not everything’s unpacked, but I could give you a tour if you’d like?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Ma’am. That tickles you. The address is still not something you’re used to hearing, even though you’ve only been in Austin a few years. “You can just call me by my first name, you know? Ma’am makes me feel old.”

“Really?” she grins, following you down the hall. “I can’t wait to be old.”

“You’ll feel differently someday,” you answer. “But…I guess it’s not so bad.”

Compared to the house you grew up in, your new house is nothing special, but it’s yours, and you couldn’t be prouder that you’d bought it all on your own. It’s a three-bedroom ranch, and you’d converted one of the rooms into an office for yourself. There’s a kitchen, living room, and den. But your favorite part is your large, screened in back porch that overlooks your yard. Now that it’s getting closer to summer, you sit outside in the mornings with a cup of tea and read the newspaper, listen to the birds. 

“Can I do my homework at your kitchen table?” Sarah asks once you’re finished showing her around.

“Make yourself comfortable wherever,” you answer. “I could probably stand to get a little work done myself.”

Sarah sits at your dining room table, spreads out her books, and works quietly while you answer some emails and look over some contracts. You’ve got a big meeting Monday with a potential client, and a giant stack of term sheets to go through, but if you could manage to get some of it done tonight it might actually help you down the line. As much as possible, you try to avoid doing too much work outside of your office’s standard hours, but sometimes, it’s inevitable.

The subject Sarah has homework in is algebra, which renders you useless. Even when you have to do any accounting at work, you’re used to having a calculator nearby. It’d been awhile since you spent time with anyone as young as she was – in sixth grade, she told you – and it was starting to serve as a confirmation of your own dysfunctional childhood, because her carefree, sweet nature was so drastically different from anything you remembered feeling. 

After about an hour, Sarah slowly starts to close her notebooks, zipping her pencils back up in plastic pouches. You look up from making revisions on a contract, the smell of blue ink heavy in the air around you. “I’m done,” she announces. “Could I sit on your couch and read?”

“Of course,” you answer. “Give me five and I’ll join you.”

It doesn’t take long for you to find a good stopping point, and you pack up your messenger bag, and join Sarah in the living room. “So…I’m starting to get hungry,” you tell her. “Are you?”

Sarah nods sheepishly.

“I could order us something,” you said. “What do you like?”

You aren’t much of a chef, though you can generally figure your way out around any recipe. However, cooking for one is notoriously tedious. If you had multiple mouths to feed, maybe you’d be tempted to hone your skills in the kitchen a little more. Most nights you usually treated yourself to a depressing, hastily thrown together salad, scrambled eggs, or a PB&J. Tonight, you had actually been planning to take yourself out to dinner – there’s a cute little French bistro down the street and you were hoping to treat yourself to a cocktail and a nice meal while you read.

Sarah closes her book, contemplating. “Could we….get a pizza?”

You think about it. “Sure, yeah. Pepperoni…cheese?”

“Can we get….one of both?” she tests. 

“Yeah, we can do both,” You smile. “I bet your dad will be hungry, too, he can have some if he wants.”

“Maybe…he likes pineapple on his,” Sarah wrinkles her nose.

“He has good taste. I do too.”

“Gross.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep them separate,” you call over your shoulder as you retreat to the kitchen. 

Once the pizza is ordered, you return to your living room and curl up on the opposite side of the couch from Sarah, who is engrossed back in her book. “They told me about 30 minutes. What are you reading?”

“To Kill A Mockingbird,” she says, showing you the cover. 

“That was one of my favorites growing up.”

“I have to read it for school…but it’s pretty good so far.”

Your phone pings with another email, and you glance at it quickly. 

“Is that work?” she asks. 

You nod. “Yeah. It still finds you, even when you leave.”

“What do you do?” 

“I’m a lawyer.”

“No way!” Sarah perks up. “Like on the tv shows? That’s so cool.” 

You snort, shaking your head. “No, not exactly. I’m a corporate lawyer so it’s not as fun, actually, it’s just a lot of paperwork and meetings…”

“So…you don’t like it, then?”

“It’s….” you think about it. “....Fine.” Did you like your job? It wasn’t really something you thought about in that way, you’d always seen it as a means to an end. “I went to law school because my dad wanted me to…he wanted me to work for him someday. And…that didn’t pan out so…yeah. But you know…it pays well, and….”

“You get to wear cool outfits,” she gestures to you.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Although the heels do get a little uncomfortable.”

Sarah’s eyes shift behind you for a second to the hallway leading to your bedroom, then widen excitedly. “You have a cat?” 

You turn around to see what she’s looking at, the white and gray ball of fluff that you’d found underneath a dumpster one late night in college. 

“Yeah, that’s Martini.”

“Martini,” she giggles, and the cat approaches her cautiously. He’s notoriously shy and quiet, and not even particularly cuddly, but he likes to sleep at the foot of your bed and will sit next to you on the couch if you stay still for long enough.

The cat sniffs Sarah’s outstretched hand, then presses his face into Sarah’s palm so she can scratch him under his chin, his favorite spot. “He’s not usually a fan of strangers, he must like you.”

“I love animals,” she says. “My dad won’t let me get a pet because he says he’ll end up taking care of it.”

You chuckle. “Cats are pretty easy…at least, he is.”

Martini allows himself about twenty seconds worth of affection before he darts out of the room and heads to his food bowl. 

“I’m gonna go change out of my work clothes, I’ll be right back,” you push yourself off the couch and walk down the hallway. Any other night and you probably would’ve been in pajamas awhile ago but that’s probably not acceptable, so you settle for jeans and a sweater, which is much more comfortable than the dress and tights you had been in before. 

The pizza arrives and after you tip the driver, set it on your kitchen island and pull some plates out of your cupboard. You and Sarah are both long settled with full plates when you speak again. 

“Wow….I forgot how good pizza is…” you say, staring at the half eaten piece in your hand. 

“You don’t eat pizza?”

“Usually only when I’m drunk,” you say, then immediately realize you’re talking to an eleven year old. “Oops, I…probably shouldn’t be telling you that.”

She giggles. “It’s okay.”

“So, it’s just you and your dad across the street?” you ask. “Does your mom live with you?” 

The second the question registers, you immediately regret asking. Sarah shrinks before you, her face dropping, shaking her head. “No I…I don’t really have a mom.”

“I’m sorry,” you say, softly. You just assumed she existed although you’d never seen her, and you feel guilty, racking your brain for something that might help make her feel better. “I understand, my mom wasn’t really around growing up.”

“She wasn’t?” Sarah asked, looking up. 

You shake your head.  “My parents got divorced when I was young, my dad took us, and she moved across the country, so….I didn’t see much of her.”

“My mom… she left when I was a baby.”

“I’m sorry.” You say again, staring at the girl in front of you. 

For a moment, looking at her, you see yourself, and you wonder how a parent can wake up one day and choose to ignore someone that’s one half of themselves. Someone they made. If they really understood what that might do to a person’s psyche, growing up thinking that they weren’t wanted. You had always told yourself that your mother, your parents must have not understood, because if they did, and they still chose to do it…

“Are you married?” Sarah asks, and you’re snapped out of your train of thought.

Taking a bite of pizza, you shake your head no.

“So you live here alone?” 

You nod, chewing.

“Do you like it?”

You nod, swallow. “It’s better than having a roommate, or living in the city.” 

Standing up, you walk towards the fridge for a can of sparkling water. It hisses while you open it, and you lean over the counter while Sarah continues to drill you. “Do you ever get….scared? Like at night?” 

“No….not really. I have locks. And this is a safe neighborhood. And uh, I may or may not have a nightlight still.”

Sarah giggles. “Me too.”

There’s a sturdy knock on your screen door, which you’d left open to let in the cool spring breeze, and you notice Sarah’s eyes widen. “I bet that’s my dad.”

As if he heard her, and maybe he did, the guest calls out. “It’s Joel!” It’s the same voice from over the phone, but much clearer. 

“Come in,” you answer.

The screen door creaks open, the sound of boots shuffling inside. “Sarah?” It’s the same voice from the phone. Joel steps into the warm light of the kitchen.

When you first met it had been from a distance, you were carrying boxes and he was loading something into the back of his truck. It’s clear you hadn’t gotten a good enough look at him, wouldn’t have forgotten his name, because fuck, he’s kind of gorgeous…tan skin, dark wavy hair, and a sharp jawline covered in stubble. In the archway to your kitchen he looks huge, taller than you remembered.

“Hi Dad,” Sarah says. “Miss-“

You cut her off simply by saying your first name. “Nice to meet you…again.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too, and thank you so much for keeping an eye on her. We’ll get out of your ha-”

“We got you pizza,” Sarah pipes up, looking at him. You can tell that she’s trying to stall. Or at least, trying to offer him something that might soften the inevitable lecture she’s going to get. It’s a smart play, and definitely not something you would’ve been above trying at her age.

Joel looks at the three pizza boxes spread across your countertop. “You didn’t have to feed her, really, like I said, she should’ve known better,” he turns to look at her pointedly.

“I had to eat anyway. Please, help yourself. There’s a ton of leftovers,” You really did not want cold pizza in your fridge, because it’d be too tempting to eat as a late night snack or even breakfast on your way out the door in the mornings.

Reluctantly, he looks at you before taking a plate. “Thank you,” he turns to his daughter while he opens one of the boxes. “Did you get your homework done?” 

Sarah nods. “And I got ahead on my reading for English.”

“That’s good.” 

Joel turns back to you, settles in a chair with the plate of food in front of him at the island. You do the same. “I’m sorry I haven’t had the time to come over and properly introduce myself. Sarah too.”

You shrug. “I’m the new neighbor, that’s probably my responsibility anyways. It’s been kind of hectic settling in.”

“Where’d you move from?”

“Well, I’ve been in Austin for the past few years, but originally I’m from Manhattan.”

Joel nods. “Why Texas?” 

It’s far away from my insane family, you think, and then settle on something else. “Work.”

Sarah is staring at her plate and tearing a piece of crust into tiny pieces. Joel eyes the slice of pizza he’s just taken a bite of.

“Pineapple?” he looks over at Sarah. “Are you tryin’ to bribe me so you don’t get in trouble?”

“It’s my favorite, too,” you offer, then wink at Sarah when Joel isn’t looking. She tilts her head down, her hair hiding the grin on her face from her father.

A buzzing sound cuts through the room before Joel can answer, and he digs in his pocket to fish out his cell phone. “Hold on, I gotta take this.”

When he steps out of the room, you begin to clear the empty boxes and plates off your kitchen island and bring them over to the sink. Sarah brings her plate over as well, stands next to you at the sink while you rinse them off and load them in the dishwasher. 

“Thank you for dinner,” she says. 

“Of course,” you answer.

“I just really hope he’s not disappointed with me.”

Placing your hand between her shoulder blades, you give her an encouraging pat. “I don’t think he is….” you hear Joel on the phone in the other room, his voice rising in volume. “....and honestly….it sounds like he might have bigger fish to fry…”

“Tommy…are you fucking kidding me? Again? How many times is this gonna happen? Okay…fine. fine. I’ll be there soon, but you can’t keep doing this shit.”

Sarah grimaces, and you both turn back to the sink sheepishly when you hear Joel’s footsteps returning. She bumps you with her elbow while you clear your throat. 

You’re sure there’s still a residual smile on your face when you turn around to face Joel, who has his hands on his hips. “Alright, Sarah, we gotta get going.”

“Is everything okay with Uncle Tommy?” 

“No, I’ve gotta pick him up at the police station.” 

“Did he drink too much again?”

“Sarah!” Joel exclaims. “Please, it’s gettin’ late and you’ve got a soccer game tomorrow, you need to get to bed.”

You’re biting your lower lip so hard to keep from laughing you almost taste blood. It’s not funny, definitely not funny to Joel, who you can tell is having a rough night, but it’s objectively funny as an outsider, watching all their familial drama being put on blast by his daughter who doesn’t quite have a filter yet, and is first and foremost trying to protect herself from getting into trouble.

“She’s a lawyer, I bet she could help Tommy,” Sarah looks over at you. “Couldn’t you?”

Joel frowns. “That’s not how that works-”

“What’d they bring him in for?” you ask. 

Joel runs a hand through his hair. “Public intoxication. Are you really a lawyer?”

“Well…I’m a corporate lawyer so that wouldn’t really be my specialty. But uh…I’ve definitely been able to talk my friends out of that kind of thing before.”

“But this is not the first time,” Joel says. “It’s probably useless.” 

“Didn’t you say you can’t afford to keep-”

“Sarah, enough.” Joel’s voice is as stern as you’ve heard it, and he digs into his pocket, producing a keychain. “Go home and get ready for bed. I’ll be home in a minute.”

Sarah sighs, defeated. “Okay.” 

Joel stands dead still while she shuffles to the door, cramming her feet in her shoes with her backpack slung over her shoulder. 

By this point in the evening, you’d usually be curled up on your couch by the fireplace with your latest knitting project, moderately stoned, watching bad reality television and sipping sleepytime herbal tea. But your night has already gone drastically different from your expectation. Why stop now? “If you wanted…I could try to help.”

Joel shakes his head, looks at the floor. “I can’t ask that of you.”

“You didn’t ask,” you shrug. “I offered.”

He looks up, a soft smile breaks across his face, revealing a row of straight, sparkling teeth, the corners of his eyes crinkling. It’s the first sincere smile you’ve ever seen from him, and your knees feel a little weak at the sight of it. You think you might offer him anything just to see it again. “It’d be a huge favor. But….I’d appreciate it.”

“Alright well…” you look around, push yourself off the countertop. “I probably should change before we go. I don’t think I’ll be taken seriously in this.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, I need to make sure Sarah gets to bed alright, how ‘bout you meet me on my porch in ten?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Thanks again,” he raps his knuckles on the counter twice before retreating, and you stay in place until you hear the screen door close behind him.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I feel like you’re meeting us all at a very chaotic time….I promise, things aren’t usually like this.” 

Joel’s not sure why he feels the need to clarify this to you on the drive to the police station. In fact, he might be saying it more to convince himself, because he thinks ever since Sarah’s mom ran off, things have never not been chaotic. 

In some ways, he’s glad it happened. It was a doomed relationship from the start, they’d both been far too young to understand the consequences of their actions, so it was probably for the better that she was no longer around. But he was caught in a constant state of feeling like he could never quite get a handle on things. 

Joel glances over at you in the passenger's seat of his truck. He decides that you look a little out of place there, dressed in a black pantsuit, a messenger bag tucked between your heel-clad feet. He can’t remember the last time there was an adult woman in his car. Three months, maybe? It had been a date, a third date, and subsequently, a last date. But right now the context is different.

Your head is tilted towards the open window, the breeze casting stray pieces of your hair around as the radio cuts in and out of an old Eagles song and then to static, and then back into music again. He needs to get his damned stereo fixed but unfortunately it hasn’t exactly been high on his priority list. His gaze travels down the slope of your neck, where your skin dips into the collar of your silky blue blouse, then back to your profile, your lips moving as you mouth the words to the song, but don’t sing. 

I get this feelin' I may know you

As a lover and a friend

You stop when his words register, turning to look at him, and he averts his eyes back to the road. “No offense or anything….” you say. “But compared to the family I grew up in….this is all pretty tame.”

Joel ponders that for a moment, notices the way your eyes are narrowed, the corners of your lips quirking. “What, you got a problematic little brother, too? A precocious eleven-year-old?”

“No kids,” you answer. He didn’t think so. “But I do have a problematic older brother. And the stress he’s caused has definitely taken years off my life.”

At least you seem like you understand. 

He’s shocked you’re in this car with him, that after entertaining his daughter all night, you’d offered to help him out with this Tommy mess. Though, he assumes you’re doing it out of guilt because Sarah made it sound like he was broke.

“You know for the record, I actually have the money to bail him out.”

“I figured.”

“Then why’d you come?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. My life has been pretty boring lately. I can’t remember the last time I did something exciting on a Friday night.” 

“This is exciting to you?”

“It’s objectively exciting,” you sound assured. “Maybe more exciting than being the person who got arrested for public intoxication.” 

Despite the stress of the evening, he can’t help but laugh. 

“And whether you’re broke or not, bailing someone out of jail is no joke. If you can at least try to talk your way out of it, you might as well.”

Joel can’t argue with your logic.

“What is it you do again?” you ask, eyeing the protective glasses he has in the cup holder of his front seat. There are nails stuck between the rubber grooves of the mat beneath the seats, a pair of thick gloves resting on the dashboard.

“I’m a carpenter.”

“Makes sense,” you answer. “So you’re handy?”

“You could say that,” Joel lifts the can of flat, warm seltzer from his lunch break to his mouth, just to take a sip. 

“That’s hot,” you say, and he nearly chokes when he hears it.  Are you….flirting? Though, you can’t be, because when he looks over at you, you’re staring at the road, face neutral. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“I don’t know, I don’t make the rules of what’s hot and what isn’t….it’s just a fact. Everyone knows that.” 

“Do they?” 

“Uh-huh,” you respond. “I mean, I wish I was handy. I’m pretty much a lost cause in that department.” 

“If it paid the bills, you’d figure it out.” 

“If it paid the bills, I can tell you, I would not be living in our neighborhood.”

Joel puts his blinker on, preparing to pull into the police station. “You probably still could, it’s not that nice of a neighborhood.” 

“Shut up,” you snort, rolling your eyes. “But in all seriousness, it is peaceful. It’s quiet.”

“See, but you still didn’t say nice.”

“It is nice. I like it.” 

When he parks the car, you straighten up, unbuckling the seatbelt and exiting without a word. On the opposite side of the truck, he observes how you rebutton the front of your blazer, smooth down its lapels and shift your shoulders back before turning to him. 

“You ready?” you ask. 

He nods. 

“After you.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When Joel spots you again, Tommy is walking a few paces behind you. You turn your head over one shoulder, smirking at whatever he’s saying. From where Joel is sitting in the lobby, he can just make out the soft curve of your hips, the tops of your thighs over the barrier that separates him from all the desks of the officers and staff at the station. You’ve got an easy, relaxed gait and you give Joel a wink when he catches you staring.

He can tell it’s just meant to be celebratory thing, since both you and Tommy seem to be in good spirits, but he likes the sight of it anyways, the idea that you’re both in on some secret that no one else is. 

Joel stands to greet you and his brother to get the download, but as he approaches, your group is intercepted by one of the cops that had been hanging around reception. 

“Miller,” he says lowly to Tommy. “This better be the last time I see you in here.” 

When Tommy doesn’t answer right away, you pipe up. 

“I assure you my client will be on his best behavior.”

The cop turns to you for a minute, turns back to Tommy, contemplating. “You’re lucky you have a good lawyer…” he says. “Although I’m still not convinced you’re really paying someone to get you out of a public intoxication charge.” 

“I-” Tommy opens his mouth but you cut him off.

“Alleged…intoxication,” you interject, stone-faced.

“He can hardly walk straight.”

You purse your lips. “But….you never did a sobriety test, so, would it hold up in court?” you grimace. “If I had to guess….probably not.”

The cop narrows his eyes at you. “Don’t push it, princess.” 

Despite the infantilizing nickname, You respond with a polite smile. “Thanks again, officer. Have a nice evening.”

“Mhm,” he murmurs before backing away. 

You turn to Joel, your smile fading, and Tommy cuts in. “We should get the fuck out of here before he changes his mind.”

“That’s it? You’re free?” Joel asks.

Tommy nods. 

“Tommy’s right, we should definitely leave.”

It’s a mad scramble, the three of you settling back into Joel’s truck, and if he was feeling a little less angsty about the way the whole evening had gone, he might’ve even peeled out of the parking lot for dramatic effect. But at this point, his patience is wearing thin.

He’s back on the main drag, en route to Tommy’s place, with you on the passenger’s side, and his brother in the back, leaning forward with his elbows resting on your seats when his brother speaks up.

“Holy….shit!” Tommy turns to you. “That was fucking awesome, are you kidding me? Joel, where the fuck did you find her?”

He’s still drunk, words slurring together, and he shakes both of your shoulders ferociously. You actually giggle — the sound of it is fucking adorable and Joel wishes that these are not the circumstances for hearing such a noise. He rather it be because of something he said, but he knows Tommy has always been more charming, even when drunk 

“She’s my neighbor, Tommy.”

“No way! How come I’ve never seen you around before?” Tommy asks, and Joel can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. 

“I’m kind of new to the area,” you answer. 

“Dammit, oh my god, Joel, I wish you coulda seen it.”

Joel looks over at you, and is thankful that he catches your eye. “What’d you say?” 

“Never underestimate your negotiating power when the cop you’re talking to’s shift ended over an hour ago, and he doesn’t want to fill out any more paperwork.” You cross your arms, look over your shoulder at Tommy, who is leaning back against the seat with his head in his hands, laughing, before looking back at Joel. “I told you, I have experience.”

“Oh my god,” Tommy pokes his head back between you. “How’d he even get you to come down here? What’d he have to do, offer to paint your house or somethin’?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Sarah got locked out again,” Joel explained. “And I was over at her place when you called. She’s a corporate lawyer.”

“Ah, that makes sense. You know, Joel’s always liked the smart ones,” Tommy starts, and Joel has to contain the urge to slam on the brakes and send his brother face first into the back of his headrest. Unfortunately, he can’t do that with you in the car. “Too bad he’s dumb as a box of rocks.”

“Okay, watch yourself!” Joel snaps, and he’s only halfway kidding. “You got off easy, but you’re on fuckin’ thin ice, and I’m still pissed that I’m spending my night bailing you out again.”

Tommy doesn’t even catch on to Joel’s irritation – or maybe he does, and has just decided that he’s going to be the Annoying Younger Sibling and see how far he can push it. “Don’t let him fool you, okay?” Tommy continues, and you’ve angled yourself towards him, amused. “It’s not always him lookin’ after me. Before he had Sarah, he was crazy.”

“Alright, alright that’s enough, Tommy.” Joel shoots daggers towards his brother in the rearview mirror, and he watches Tommy’s smile falter, finally deciding to back down. 

“Is that true, Joel, were you really crazy?” you ask after Tommy grows quiet, tilting your head. “I can’t see it.”

“Well we’ve all have our moments, right?” he says sheepishly. 

“We do,” you agree, and then it’s finally silent.

Joel is thankful to see Tommy’s driveway straight in front of him, and his car lurches up the curb. “Alright, alright, this is your last stop,” he says to his brother. “You’ll get in okay?” 

Tommy takes a deep breath, settling himself after all his bravado and sinking back against his seat. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow morning at Sarah’s game.” He slinks out of the truck and slams the door behind him. 

Normally, Joel would’ve chewed him out after something like this, but he knows being hungover tomorrow at a middle school soccer game, sandwiched between screaming parents and the ear-splitting whistles of the referees will be punishment enough.

“I’ll see you then.” He watches his brother stumble up the steps to his home, unlock the door, and give a wave before disappearing inside. 

Joel’s left alone with you. “Should we get you home, now?”

“Yeah, we should.”

Joel puts the car in reverse, puts one of his arms over the back of the bench seat to look for cars behind him, and catches you staring. You don’t even seem embarrassed that he notices, either, you just shift your gaze away to outside the window.

He feels a little self-conscious about the first impression he’s probably made, which is a feeling he’s not used to…caring about what people think. 

“Sorry about him, he’s….a good guy but a real piece of work.”

You giggle. “Like I said, I have a brother, too.”

It’s been awhile since he’s interacted with anyone outside of Sarah, Tommy, and his coworkers, and his day was exhausting. He wants to ask more questions, see if he can hold some kind of conversation, but words fail him, so you spend the short drive on the way back home mostly in silence. You’re so quiet that by the time he pulls into your driveway, he thinks you might be asleep. If you were, he doesn’t even get the chance to wake you, because you immediately sit up straight once the truck has come to a halt.

“Thanks for everything tonight,” he says. 

“You’re welcome, it was no problem,” you get out of the car, sling your bag over your shoulders, and close the door. “Have a good night.” 

Joel’s listening to the retreating click of your heels up the driveway when he rolls down his window all the way to speak again. It’s clear you’re tired, your shoulders are slouched, and he feels incredibly guilty. You worked all day and then had to put up with his entire crazy family. 

“Hey,” he says. “How much do I owe you for the pizza?”

You turn around, still stepping backwards. “Nothing.”

“Look, you’ve done too much for me tonight to say that,” he says. “I’m startin’ to feel bad.”

You stop in your tracks then, the smirk on your face fading a little bit as you slowly step forward to where he leans out the truck window. It’s only a few feet, but you’re much closer now than you’ve been to him all night, and there must be jasmine in your perfume. It smells expensive, he thinks, as your hands lift to rest on the door next to his elbow. “You shouldn’t feel bad,” you say softly, voice low. 

God, you’re fucking beautiful, he realizes, basked in the glow of the moon, a smile creeping along the edges of your lips. Of course, he knew you were attractive, had definitely registered it at some point before –  maybe when he’d walked in on you and Sarah giggling in the kitchen. He was just too busy being worried to even notice until now. 

This isn’t a date, but you’re so close he could kiss you, kind of wants to just to see what would happen, but he doesn’t. You’re his new neighbor, and if he’s reading this wrong, he doesn’t want to be reminded of the mistake everyday, first thing in the morning when you’re picking up your newspaper at the end of your driveway and he’s leaving for work. 

“But uh…if it would make you feel better…one of the steps on my front porch is rotted. Maybe you could come over sometime and fix it? That a fair trade?” 

Joel nods, and you stick out your hand. “It’s a deal,” he says, ignoring the jolt of energy he feels when your palms press together, like you’re a kid wearing a hand buzzer, trying to shock him.

“Great,” you step away. He’s about to put the car in reverse when you speak again. 

“Oh, and Joel?” you ask, he looks back at you. Before you speak again, your eyes shift to the ground, like you’re mustering up the courage to ask him something, and when they return to his again, your expression is somber. “Go easy on Sarah….she’s a good kid.”

Joel nods, understanding.

“I know.”

-

volume ii

taglist: @yaskna @venomous-ko @lomljigg

[peaterookie]

Lupin Week 2024 Day 4: AUs and Mythology

Goemon's face looks like he's seen a ghost.

ahhhh god ok my stupid stupid silly au i made a year ago.... this will be a bit long so get ready

tldr: lupin died, the gang is alive. goemon finds lupin but he's a shark merman!? and lupin remembers nothing!!!

long version:

so this AU follows upon the story of shin lupin, which basically, the gang gets killed off by zenigata because he rigged an island full of explosives.

instead of them all dying however, lupin decides to knock the gang unconscious and find a way for them to escape off the island safely, leaving only him in the island to die.

the rest of the gang had no idea how they escaped and assumed that lupin had sacrificed himself for them. they woke up adrifted on the ocean until they eventually got picked up by a ship where the invisible captain from new adventures returns. but ah ill spare the details for another day

---

2 years have passed and the gang just kinda separated to do their own thing. we'll only focus on goemon cuz he's the featured character of this comic.

goemon decided to escape the life of crime that has burdened him for years living as a part of the lupgang. he's mostly a wanderer now and tries to do good and help people along the way

funnily enough, goemon is not the first person to find lupin, but I'll talk about this later. but goemon is definitely very mixed about seeing his friend who he thought was dead for years. he doesn't know whether to be happy or worried.

---

lupin, at the brink of death after the explosion, plummets down the ocean and wakes up one day, feeling like he's been rebirthed!

essentially, lupin became a merman because right before he could die, his body (i mean what's left of it 💀) interacted with a magic crystal that has the ability to grant life to a living being.

It's really rare, but it exists in clusters deep in the ocean floor or- deep under the rocks of an island :) you can say im bullshitting, which i am but i dont think exploding an entire island down to every rock has happened before, so it can kinda make sense why something so coincidental about these crystals could happen. (I AM TOTALLY MAKING EXCUSES I JUST WANTED TO MAKE LUPIN A MERMAN.)

and so these crystals used whats left of lupins body and reassembled him back, and idk other essences of the ocean to make him a merman!

the memories of his past life have definitely been buried deep inside his brain to the point he can't remember any of it though, so he thinks that he was born under the ocean and has lived there for his entire life. other than that he retains almost everything about himself, down to stealing stupid shit and messing with humans just for the fucks of it. he's kinda seen as like a nessie.

---

anyways, y'know how i said goemon wasn't the first one to meet lupin? that's because lupin has met zenigata before!

living a life with only fishes around means lupin's kinda lonely and likes to stalk humans sometimes. the interaction with him and zenigata did not end well though, and lupin has no idea why zeni wants him dead so much.

after that he's way more cautious around people that look like zenigata- hatted big men with guns. its gonna be fun once he sees jigen.

ok what else... i think that's all i want to reveal now. will i do more of this? maybe. maybe not. kinda embarrassed of this because of how silly it is but i hope you people find this interesting! byebye

[https-furina]

— in another lifetime ! ★ | edition: archons, version 1.0

ft. venti, zhongli & ei x fem!reader

content. heavy angst, mentions of alcohol, death, blood, details of injuries, illness. refers to their story lore. spoilers for inazuma’s archon quest.

✉️ mail received! sender: venti

you had every ounce of reason to believe that the boisterous bard was in fact not a mortal. he knew mondstadt like the back of his hand - i mean seriously, do all bards recite the crevices of a cliff face the way that he does? - and even drunk he could blabber for hours on mondstadt’s history, occasionally mentioning things that were not public knowledge.

therefore you knew you’d be swallowing yourself into a mess when you fell head over heels for that playful giggle, the lingering taste of wine on his lips between kisses and how he always seemed to reassure you so perfectly - regardless of whether you worshipped the archon of anemo or not (he doesn’t mind anyways!)

you remember the day that he finally gave up his secret well. it was carved into your memory the same way venti had every inch of his country burned into his mind, the rocks, the lakes, the trees he rustled with familiar, warm breezes as you walk under them. you’d been ill for months, seeking help from a multitude of doctors to try pinpoint exactly what was wrong - it turns out you didn’t have long left to live. in a bout of emotion, venti exposed his true identity to you underneath windrise, not far from a statue of his own person.

one attachment added!

a gasp falls from your lips, another coughing fit shaking your body as venti perches himself down beside you on the picnic blanket, his hand rubbing your back warmly. you flash him an appreciative smile, to which your boyfriend returns as he presses a kiss to your head. weakly, you raise a tissue to your mouth as you continue to cough, as if something is stuck in your throat.

it’s becoming harder to breathe and when that lump in your throat finally hacks up, the white tissue in your hand stains a bright red. venti’s eyes notice it before you do, the hairs on the back of his neck standing in a panic as his breath hitches - no, you couldn’t possibly be leaving him this soon?

it was as if celestia was mocking him for falling in love with a human in the first place. a mortal with an archon? a concept so amusing in the eyes of those who live forever. it was bad enough falling for you knowing you too would leave him one day but it was even more of a stab to his chest when you were ill with mere months left.

“windblume?” venti whispers, concerned when you don’t respond straight away. your breaths are staggered, weak and wheezing somewhat. it feels like your lungs are filling with liquid, drowning out your vital organs as you become dizzy. your vision is darkening, static around the edges as you look over at your boyfriend.

he’s crying; rivers of precious, glittering tears are dancing down pale cheeks as he stares at you in fear. there’s no reassuring him now. you know that venti has seen his fair share of death, you couldn’t lie to him in such a scenario.

“in… another lifetime, okay?” your voice cracks, you’re running out of oxygen when your chest tightens and constricts like there’s a heavy weight pressing on you, “i-i love you.”

“wait- no!” venti cries out, catching you as your body slumps forward, your eyes unblinking. he squeezes you close, burying his face into your shoulder when he can’t hear your struggled gasps for breath anymore, “i love you too…”

✉️ mail received! sender: zhongli

he figured he’d done a good job of hiding his status as an archon, especially when he tries to emphasise that he is retired - xiao will always send him a straight, deadpanned look in response to this that makes you giggle. you’d seen through it all, namely because you’d been familiar with xiao prior to meeting zhongli. you knew the last remaining yaksha well, on friendly terms.

you knew xiao wouldn’t just respond to anyone the way that he does zhongli. you’d seen first hand how the adeptus responds at the voice of the taller man - obedient and loyal. not to mention, you’d heard plenty of times when xiao stumbles on his words, referring to zhongli by his archon name before his cheeks flush and he stutters out his human name instead.

zhongli thought the idea of love mediocre. it never seemed to impress him - you suspected that there had been a past lover involved but neither xiao nor zhongli confirmed or denied your suspicions. you also knew however that zhongli had every right not to return your feelings. what would an archon ever want with a human anyways?

but the benevolent turned archon cracked under your smile and contagious energy, admitting that he was an archon the same night he had said his true feelings out loud into the night of guyun stone forest - where he had taken you to delve into liyue’s history. it was a personal favourite activity to do with you, your eyes glittering whenever he’d speak of events long ago.

sadly, zhongli knows that he had delved too deep into too many scenarios for his own good, trusting the fatui within liyue at what cost?

one attachment added!

guyun stone forest was as peaceful as ever, the waves rolling up the sand beaches in melodies you wished you could paint on a canvas. zhongli knew you particularly loved this spot - he’d offered to take you to jueyun karst this evening but you was hellbent on coming back to guyun stone forest, a harsh reminder of the archon war to the tall male.

yet as peaceful as it was, a solace that the two of you would cherish any other day, there was the struggled gasps of your breath that broke the silence, meshing with the crash of waves and the whip of the wind on liyue’s coastline.

golden eyes stare at you, panicked and dilated as he takes in the way your blood is staining your attire, painting it red in the shade of jueyun chilis - would he ever look at the specialities of his own country the same again? let alone the location that he held the most memories at, especially with you, the only one he’d truly let close again?

“zhongli?” you whisper, watching the way he’s clutching his polearm with such vigor, brandishing it in anger after having fought off your attackers. if he wasn’t wearing his gloves, you’d see the way his knuckles are turning white.

“how are you feeling? does it hurt?” his polearm clatters to the stony pebbles of the beach you stood on, the very pebbles that are splattered in blood - not just yours but of numerous fatui lackeys zhongli had put to rest in your defence. he rushes to your side, gloved hands cupping your face as he makes you look up at him.

“it burns, li,” you wince, breathing is starting to hurt. it’s starting to take its toll paired with the blood loss zhongli knows he can’t stop, “i’ll be waiting for you in our next lifetime.”

zhongli grimaces at your words, not willing to grasp the concept of you dying yet - no, he possibly couldn’t. he was prepared for much longer time with you, he couldn’t have it cut so short. but he watches the way the sparkle is dying from your eyes, chapped lips parted as shallow breaths leave them.

“perhaps, then we will get this whole thing right, my love,” he reassures, a hand falling down to your waist when your knees buckle weakly under you, protecting your fragile body from the stones below, “i love you, y/n, always.”

✉️ mail received! sender: ei

following the traveler’s escapades in inazuma, ei wandered inazuma city many days to bask in the sunlight she hadn’t seen in decades. she’d hang around a particular café, one where you worked as a waitress delivering cups of hot matcha to tables of smiling elderly couples, dying old together until their last days. ei would sink deeper into thought whenever she saw you, some days even managing to run into you when you wasn’t working - it truly was accidental!

you would be a fool to not recognise her as inazuma’s archon, to which you do. she knows this when you respond to her in polite, formal gestures and yet you never fear her. you never cower in her presence or shake and shiver. it’s a peace she had yet to experience in her time out of the plane of euthymia.

when she announces her feelings to you, under the dazzling, colourful displays of naganohara fireworks in a quiet spot of tenshukaku’s gardens, she makes it clear that you will leave this realm of existence before her - without her. you do not fear this idea either, the same way you do not fear her. ei finds it courageous that you do not fear death as others around her do.

you do fear her capabilities as an archon, the destruction she can cause in mere seconds and the enemies she makes in the blink of an eye but ei never meant for it to turn out this way, they were her enemies to deal with, not yours.

one attachment added!

“ei…?” her name falls from your lips within seconds of your attack, a red river trickling from the corner of your mouth as ei lowers you to the grass below, kneeling at your side as she holds you close in her arms.

“shh, my dear, it is okay.” ei coos, raising a shaking hand to brush her thumb against your cheek, collecting tears yet to fall from your eyes although she can see them sparkling in rhe moonlight. thunder roars over head, lightning flashing around you in the midst of ei’s anger and worry.

it is the first time she has seen you so fearful with eyes wide as you choke on your own blood, coughing it up. it splashes onto her pale skin but she does not react, watching you helplessly as her grip on you tightens.

“this is it, isn’t it?” you ask with a raspy voice, a single tear rolling down your cheek that ei wasn’t quick enough to wipe away in time. ei flashes a sad smile down at you, not wanting to say the words you crave to hear.

“you belong with me - you know that, yes?” she suddenly states, her voice firm but there’s a slight waver in her tone, “maybe in another world or lifetime but i know you belong with me.”

you choke on a sob at her words, succumbing to your injuries as they burn and sting, red drops of blood dripping to the ground below and staining blades of grass. ei presses her lips to your head in a silent reassurance, knowing that nothing she could say would bring you calm now. nothing would bring you the divinity you feel when the two of you would sit under a shared parasol in tenshukaku’s gardens or wandered in the shallow waters of inazuma’s coastlines barefooted.

ei keeps her lips pressed to your clammy skin until your sobs and cries of how painful it is subdue, leaving her with your lifeless body in her arms. only then does the woman cry, screaming out into the night sky in a battle with the thunder - who truly felt more anger in that moment? she wails, wondering if she’ll ever live without the ones she loves getting taken from her so brutally.

© https-furina 2023.

[french-unknown]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: luffy, zoro, nami, usopp, sanji, robin 𝐂/𝐖: toxic relationships (kidnapping, mentions of death, suicide blackmail) and there is no love in them 𝐖/𝐂: 3.5k +

| m a s t e r l i s t | - | p t . 2 |

You had just arrived on an island that you recognized immediately since one of your closest family friends lived there. Happy, you wanted to go see her immediately but you were stopped by Luffy who asked to accompany you. You laughed and, despite his pouting that he tried to convince you with, you refused. However, you placed a kiss on his lips before leaving.

Your parents' friend recognized you at first glance and you fell into each other's arms within seconds. You were happy to see her again after all this time, so you started talking for a few moments until she finally sighed.

"I’m sorry about your mom." she declared sadly. Not understanding what she meant, you raised your eyebrows. She continued. "For her illness? I know it must be hard for you. I'm surprised that you're not with them; have you already said goodbye to her?" A drop of sweat ran down the back of your neck and, confused, you explained to her that you didn't know what she was talking about. "Your mother is terminally ill." she elaborated. "They told me they sent you several letters about it, so I thought you knew." You shook your head in shock.

At the same moment, a commotion was heard on the other side of the store window. You saw a group of Marines running past while shouting that they had spotted the Straw Hat Captain on this street. Panicked, you picked up your things and greeted your parents' friend before running away since, if Luffy had been targeted, you weren't going to stay on the island.

When you arrived at the boat, without being noticed by anyone, you went directly to see the captain to explain your situation and that you would like to leave the ship for a few months to go and see your family. But, to your great astonishment, Luffy refused. You insisted and yet he remained intransigent: You will not leave the ship. You then insisted even more so that he understood your need to be with your loved ones but, as you turned your back and announced that you would leave anyway, the world went black.

You woke up in a cramped room while the rocking under your feet as well as the smell of wood and salt water confirmed to you that you were still on the Sunny. Suddenly, a ray of light passed into the room and you saw your captain smiling through a trapdoor in the only door. Behind him, you noticed the Soldier Docker System  with the doors to Franky and Usopp's workshops in the distance.

"Let me out, Luffy!" You ordered, confused but mostly annoyed. "Nah!" he responds with his characteristic smile. "You are not allowed to leave. Your captain forbids you!" You frowned in concern before speaking. "You can't do that, Luffy. I can leave whenever I want and you have no right to stop me." He laughed as if you had just told a joke. "Well I'm doing it anyway! You'll stay there until you promise me that you'll always stay by my side. And don't bother shouting for the others to come get you, I told them that you stayed on the ground with your friend. See you!"

And he closed the hatch, leaving you alone and in the dark again in the Sunny's hold. You didn't quite understand what had just happened to you but you felt in your gut that you weren't going to like it.

Since the Straw Hat Grand Fleet was formed, you have become very close to the other crews and, in particular, to a group from the Beautiful Pirates that you found very interesting. They had refined manners, their styles were fun with their wigs and mustaches and, above all, they had a lot of conversation. So you gradually started to spend more time with them to find out where they came from and what they had been through. As a result, it took up your time with your other friends from the Straw Hat Pirates even though the majority of them didn't pay much attention to it.

After a while, when the fleet began to run out of supplies, it was decided among the captains that you would stop at the next island to get them. About thirty members were designated among all the crews to go and recover the goods. Among them were, among other things, all your friends from the Beautiful Pirates as well as Zoro. You were not worried at all, so you wished them good luck before returning peacefully to your activities.

Unfortunately, not all of them returned.

Zoro returned to the boat first, some blood on him, announcing that they had been attacked in the mist by a brigand who had taken advantage of the lack of visibility. Seeing nothing, he therefore wanted to inform other pirate but he got lost. A wave of worry ran through the fleet as a feeling of revenge grew within the ranks. Finally, slowly, a few other members of the other crews came back and everyone explained the same version: they had been attacked by a brigand. Everyone looked terrified except Zoro. Only your friends did not return and you lost all hope when you saw Farul returning to the boat. The horse, panicked, began to neigh and rear as soon as he noticed the swordsman in your ranks. Crazy, it took a lot of effort for Cavendish to master it.

When the fog lifted, no bodies were found on the island and rumors began to grow among the pirates that they had been killed by a demon.

That evening, after your feelings had been numbed all day, you felt your walls crack before completely collapsing. You began to mourn the loss of your friends and their mysterious disappearance. Unable to believe this demon story, you began to imagine what had happened to their bodies or what they had been thinking during their last moments.

The crow's nest hatch opened and you saw a green head slipping through it. Zoro approached you as soon as he saw you and, when he was close enough, out of a cruel need for comfort, you took him in your arms. He nevertheless closed his arms around you despite the surprise and then rested his chin on top of your head. You were immediately reassured by his presence and surprised that he accepted your hug so well. However, you didn't complain and stayed in his arms, talking about your loss, while he continued to hold you against him and stroke your back.

From there, a routine settled down.

He came to join you every evening to take you in his arms before letting you evacuate your sadness. He was so supportive that after a few months, when he confessed, you thought it was the kind of support you needed in your life so you accepted.

You were upset. For several weeks, without knowing why, certain very specific memories of your adolescence had come back to your mind, like an afternoon of fishing with your father and his crew mates. Or a boarding with rival ships. You were experiencing these flashes in an abnormally precise way with the details, the smells, the exact conversations and the emotions associated with them.

All the members of the Straw Hats knew what was happening to you and supported you in their own way. Nami, above all, was a huge pillar for you. You had already gotten along very well with her when she joined the crew after you and Zoro, but now she was even more attentive. She listened to you talk about how much it unsettled you to have these outbursts of impromptu memories that you hadn't thought about in a long time. She helped you a lot to unload this emotional burden that was overwhelming you.

Once again, you were alone in the shade of the navigator's mandarin trees. You closed your eyes, exhausted, and the sound of the sea began to lull you. The waves passed and rolled under the hull of the ship or crashed against the wooden planks. Then others took over and it started again and again.

Suddenly, a cage of fear closed around your heart before crushing it and you were plunged into another memory. You were on your father's boat, lying in bed, but something was wrong. It took you a few seconds to untangle your thoughts and realize that you were tied hand and foot. Your wrists and ankles were burning from the uncomfortable friction of the bonds against your skin. A cloth gag also covered your mouth to stop you from screaming. Suddenly, a noise in front of you made you raise your head and you came face to face with a person you had never seen before. Unlike everything around you, this person's head was fuzzy. The only thing you noticed was that it was a girl around your age with orange hair. She abruptly sat down on your lap, making a faint citrus scent waft through your nostrils, before you felt something cold against your cheek. A ray of moonlight passed through your shutters and reflected against the blade placed under your eye.

"I finally catch you." the presence whispered with its face inches from yours. "You were so attractive on the last island that I couldn't help but get on your ship. You are so... these last few days I saw you laughing on the deck and talking to those dirty pirates, but you... you..." And you saw her face move closer to yours until you felt pressure against your lips through the gag.

At the same time, screams were heard from the other side of the door and footsteps echoed on the deck. The girl on your lap groaned before slowly getting up without taking her eyes off you. You saw her grab a large bag from near the door before you closed your eyes. The next day, when you opened them again, you rose unhindered—and without memories—from your bed to discover that your loot had been stolen during the night.

You came out of the memory with a start, your heart beating a thousand miles an hour. You were sweating as your breathing ran out quickly. Above you, the branches of the mandarin trees quivered.

"Slept well?" Nami asked happily.

The battle raged and you attacked as best you could despite the circumstances. Indeed, shortly after arriving on the island, you were found by the Marine who had launched the assault but you were not at your best because of relationship problems which prevented you from concentrating completely.

For several months now, you found that Usopp was becoming more and more restrictive: he no longer wanted you to go on dry land when you docked somewhere, he wanted you to spend less time training to spend more time with him, he preferred that you talk less to the other male members of the crew and the list went on a lot longer. And the worst thing is that he always had justifications! Either he reminded you that it was him who created your weapon and that he regretted it because it had replaced him or he confided in you in private how the other male members of the crew made him doubt his abilities and that the fact that you preferred to talk to them rather than to him meant that you made him insecure.

As the battle finally ended in your victory, a cry from Zoro alerted you. Running up to the swordsman, you saw Usopp's body at his feet. His rolled-back eyes shocked you, as did the pool of blood that was gradually forming around his body. A memory from the day before came back to you: "I want to take a break." You told him, and he replied, "I would rather die than live without you." You froze, your eyes locked on his broken body as Chopper came running in to examine him. Above him, Zoro was explaining that he had seen the sniper suddenly completely stop fighting in the middle of the fight. He had managed to reach him to protect him but Usopp had taken serious blows in the meantime.

The whole crew was tense. You heard the slight sniffles from Franky as Nami collapsed next to her friend, her shoulders shaking in fear. A worried frown also narrowed Zoro and Robin's gaze. Sanji, for his part, was nervously smoking his cigarette while Luffy, the most terrifying of all, was dead silent. After a while, Chopper ended up reassuring you that he was still alive but that he had to be transported back to Sunny immediately.

As soon as he was placed in the infirmary bed, the morbid wait began. For days, you took turns next to him so that you would be immediately informed if he woke up and, for days, you saw the faces of the crew deteriorate more and more. For your part, more than worry, it was guilt that burned your stomach like acid. Was it your fault he stopped fighting? Was he going to die because of you? How would the crew react if he died?

Finally, Usopp woke up much to everyone's relief. He reassured them by blaming it on fatigue and they ended up leaving both of you alone in the infirmary. Their relief made you feel even worse since you weren't relieved that he was alive; you were relieved that he didn’t die because of you. The sniper then asked you to join him in bed and wrapped his arms around you. He placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

"I was so scared when you told me you wanted to leave me." he started to whisper. "I wouldn't survive if you left me."

And, too terrified of what might happen if you broke up, you stayed.

While you were going to the bathhouse as Sanji had asked you, for a surprise, you met Nami. The navigator laughed slightly and admitted that she already knew what was waiting for you because Sanji had talked to her about it all day and asked for her help to prepare it.

"You're lucky to have him." the redhead kindly said. "It’s obvious that he loves you."

You blushed at the remark and you continued on your way. As soon as you knocked on the door, Sanji immediately opened it with a big smile before kissing you excitedly and pulling you into the room.

The bathroom had been completely redecorated. The main light was off and had been replaced by a myriad of candles that smeared the room and illuminated it with a soft, flickering and welcoming hue whose intimate atmosphere was accompanied by the rose petals deposited everywhere. On the furniture, the floor, where it formed a graceful path towards the bathtub, and finally in the latter where the flowers overhung the hot water covered with a white foam that looked like pieces of cloud in the half-light. A sweet smell of cotton and flowers evaporated from the hot water and perfumed the room. On the side of the bathtub, he had specially folded the towels so that they fit into a pyramid among the petals. Dazzled by the atmosphere and the efforts he had put into it, you didn't know what to say. Suddenly, you felt him press against your back before wrapping his arms around your waist and placing a kiss on your neck. His skillful hands, which he took so much care of, then began to undress you while he spoke in your ear.

However, as you took over and the excitement also rose on your side, you finally found yourself in your underwear in front of him and his charming face froze. You felt in your stomach that something had changed in the mood.

"You're not wearing the lingerie I gave you?" he asked, and though his voice was kind, you sensed something was wrong.

You looked down and looked at your lingerie set, which was very pretty but was indeed not one of those that Sanji had offered you.

"This one looked great on the mannequin." he continued in the same oddly amiable tone. "But I told you that I was preparing a surprise for you. You couldn't at least wear the ones I brought you?"

A feeling of shame intensified in your mind in the form of a huge lump that settled in your throat. Under his judgmental gaze, you felt the urge to cover yourself, ashamed of your body and the clothes you had chosen to cover it.

"I spent the afternoon preparing a surprise for you and you can't even do that for me. I've been collecting these damn candles and flowers for weeks on different layovers so you don't realize it. And you come like that?"

"I can go change if you want?" you asked, ashamed.

He then took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it with annoyance, then exhaled dryly the smoke which polluted the sweet smell in the room. He put the lighter back in his pocket and turned on his heel.

"It’s no use, you’ve already ruined everything." he huffed, irritated. "All those efforts were stupidly ruined, you're lucky I love you. I'm the only one dumb enough to do that."

And he left, leaving you alone in your underwear in the bathroom, which now smelled of cigarettes, next to this bathtub with the foam half gone, and surrounded by those thousand petals and candles that had lost their sparkle.

You were running but you didn't know where you were in the boat, you were totally confused and lost.

A long time ago, you didn't know exactly how much, you wanted to leave the ship to have a drink with a local with whom you had gotten along well. You had prepared yourself, ready to leave, but before you walked through the door, you had passed out. When you woke up, you were tied up somewhere in the dark. After a while Robin ended up finding you but, when you started begging her to free you, she told you that it was she who had locked you up.

From that moment on, the shock had finally dissipated and given way to fear. You had known her for years of sailing together and if there was one thing you knew about Robin, it was that she was the type of person to follow through on the things she cared about. She came almost every day into the room to talk to you or simply to look at you. Only that. But today, you don't know how, your ties have loosened enough for you to escape. You then waited for her to make her daily visit while praying that she would not notice the state of your restraints.

You then counted to one hundred as soon as she left before escaping.

So you found yourself running through the corridors that you guessed were the Thousand Sunny but, in your blind panic, you were unable to find your way. After a while, at the corner of a corridor, you saw a lighter spot on the wall a few meters away. You recognized the shape of an ear sticking out of the wall as you approached. You immediately stopped as quietly as possible near the wall and didn't move. You cover your mouth with your hand to stifle your wheezing. The ear moved a little but remained still. After a minute without any new movement, you felt your heart begin to slow down with relief. Suddenly, a small "boing" sounded in one of your ears and something soft touched your cheek. You turned your head to the wall beside you, where the noise was coming from, and fell face-to-face with a dull blue eye watching you. Horrified, you could only watch as the azure iris bore into your eyes.

You immediately started running again but it was too late.

You could only make a few steps before a hold on your ankle knocked you down. In the process, you felt a hundred arms and hands come to cover you and pin you to the ground. You felt them rest and press on your calves, your thighs, your back and even your neck and your head. Some encircled their palms around your ankles and wrists while others held you down with pressure. As you wanted to scream - lost for lost - you felt a hand grow on your shoulder and come crashing down on your mouth to drown out any noise you might make. Paralyzed, you could only let it happen when an arm blossomed between your shoulder blades so that a hand slipped into your hair to hold your head back. Now looking up, you saw Robin appear at the end of the corridor before quietly approaching you on her long legs. She walked over to you before kneeling down next to your head, keeping eye contact.

"Did you really think I wasn’t watching you?" she asked in her lifeless tone.

𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @iheartamora @bontensh0e @opchara @idsmash717 @lys-ada @xomingyu @parkyrr @yasmiinberkaa @dozcan123 @anotherproblemsos

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hi First i really apreciate and Love your Work, it's often make my day,thanx for this.keep going.Now to my request can you write Something with Donna and blind Reader Like First Meeting Fell in Love First kiss First time what ever you want and be comfortable with i know i will Love everything what you do about it.sending hugs🤗.

Yesss!!!! Thank you for your words!!! Hugs to you too!!! Thank you for the request!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :)))

A light in your darkness

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem, Blind! Reader

Warnings: Fluff, blindness, smut implied, angst, maybe? Idk

Word count: 7,324

Summary: You have nothing to lose, but someone to love...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours :))) I love you all!!!

The fire was like a glow, like a sign of death burning around you. The smoke was intoxicating. The sound of the wood giving way to the flames was all you could hear apart from your screams.

Panic had your senses kidnapped. You couldn't know where you were, the infernal glow of the fire burned the darkness you could see, there was no way out.

A small cabin somewhere in the mountains, that was your home, your little world away from society, from a village where you knew there was no place for you.

A terrible illness took away your sight, forced you to live in darkness and dark images, blurred shadows that seemed to constantly haunt you. After that, with the fear of the village divinities considering you a useless villager, not good enough to be another link in its chain, your parents took you to that remote place.

But their death made things worse. You weren't useless, you could, more or less, take care of yourself on that mountain. Your life was quiet, peaceful, like a hermit, like a blind witch who lived on the fringes of society.

Praying to the Black Gods, helped by some of your old friends, you were able to survive, to subsist so as not to see the light of the sun one more day, so the darkness would indicate you had not succumbed to despair.

But, one night, sleeping, dreaming of a better life, an intense aroma, a horrible cough and a scorching heat forced you to stand up.

Panicked, you searched with your damaged eyes for some place that was not illuminated by those flames, a dark place, to take refuge. Dodging the parts of the cabin that seemed to want to finish you off, you managed to run towards that icy darkness, towards the outside of the cabin.

You didn't even bother to scream, you knew that no one would hear you. You could only run, run and not look back, not let the flames be a blurry dance in your darkness.

You panted desperately, walking through the thick snow, trying to lean on what you thought were trees, walking away from the tempting heat of that fire. There was no way out. On one side, a horrible death, consumed by the fire, on the other, your already well-known darkness, hunger, the dangers of the forest.

You stumbled in the snow, you continued to flee towards the unknown, you cried, you screamed. There was nothing, no one, just you, just that stupid blind girl who had met her end just the way she lived, alone.

Exhausted from the escape, with the snow making it harder for you, you slowed down, wondering if maybe it was better to let yourself fall, let yourself freeze, give up. But a part of you never considered giving up as an option. With a furious growl, you kept walking.

This was definitely not your night. The emptiness your foot felt when it returned to the ground was too abrupt. The balance you had left didn't know how to react to the lack of snow under your steps. Something, a cruel force pushed you towards the abyss, to the bottom of a small cliff.

“Ah!” you screamed as you fell, as you understood that this was your end.

The rocks dug into your body, cradling you in a sinister way as you rushed towards your end, one that never came.

You fell back into the snow, with a dull thud, with a horrible, stabbing pain in your arm. The pain was a good sign, you had survived. The cold snow muffled your pain and a strange calm invaded your senses.

All around you was nothing, just darkness.

You crawled along the ground, accompanied by the strange sound of a distant waterfall. For some reason that seemed familiar to you, but you didn't pay attention to it. You couldn't see anything, you didn't know if maybe you were on the edge of another cliff. You missed the blurry light of the flames.

“Help…” you murmured, trying to stand up, desperate, supporting your hands on the rock wall. Your whole body hurt, you could barely walk, you stumbled, fell, and you couldn't get up.

“Hey, you!” a shrill voice reached your ears. You turned around, but in vain. The darkness of the night was not exactly your best ally.

“Is anyone there? Hey, help!” you said, hoping that the voice was real, that your subconscious wasn't easing your conscience so you could die in peace.

“Help? You fool!” the voice sounded again and you, desperate to know where it came from, stretched out your arms. Nothing.

You could hear small steps in the snow, like a child's steps and behind them, firmer, subtler, almost silent ones.

“There you are, you little thief!” that voice shouted again, getting closer, followed by those quiet steps, those footsteps that got even closer.

“What? I’m, I'm not a thief,” you muttered, stretching out your arm to steady yourself, to stand up again, something you didn't manage to do.

“What have you come here to do, stupid?” that childish voice asked.

You shook your head, breathing with difficulty. That girl certainly had a bad temper.

“Hey, but, little girl, I didn't... I didn't come to steal... My house was on fire and I, I fell,” you explained slowly, with a broken voice but sure that you were telling the truth.

“Of course, and I guess I have to believe you right?!” that strange girl shrieked. She seemed to walk from side to side.

“It's the truth!” you shouted desperately, trying to reason with that distrustful little girl. “No, I didn't want to bother you, it was just an accident.”

“Accident? Don't continue or I'll burst out laughing,” the girl mocked, with a macabre laugh. “Come on, kill her, kill her.”

“No, no please!” you shouted again, letting yourself fall to the ground, joining your hands to ask for mercy. “I'm not a thief!”

“But you are stupid, clumsy and a moron,” the girl insulted you, making your hopes fade more and more. You crawled back on the ground, looking for a way to escape. The only thing you found was a cloth, a dress that quickly moved aside when you made contact with it. It didn't look like that girl. It looked like an adult’s dress, your hope.

“Take your dirty girl hands off! Don't you know who you're talking to?” the little girl scolded you.

You, nervous, couldn't do anything but shake your head, your eyes full of tears.

“N, no… I, I don’t,” you whispered with a tired, sad, defeated sigh.

“You don’t? Damn, stupid, are you blind?” the girl asked with an incredulous, mocking tone.

You, sighing again, sitting in the snow, nodded.

“Actually, I am,” you said quietly, closing your useless eyes.

Silence was the answer, along with subtle sounds and breezes indicating that someone was moving in an exaggerated way.

“Oh, are you?” that shrill voice asked, which seemed more mocking than before. “Can't you see anything?”

You shook your head, bringing your knees to your chest, letting the tears slide down your cheeks.

“Who are you?” a different voice asked, darker, hoarse, almost melodic, which made you raise your head with a mix of relief and terror. It was probably the owner of that dress.

“My, my name is (Y/N),” you stammered, relieved to be able to talk to an adult woman and not to a rude child.

“(Y/N)…” that feminine voice sighed, soft but somehow threatening. You didn't know why, but a shiver ran through your spine. “What are you doing here?”

“I, I've said it, I... My, my house was on fire, I tried to run away and... I fell, I fell off a cliff, or so I think,” you explained calmly, looking with your eyes for that bright reflection of the flames that you could no longer see.

“I told you it smelled like something was burning!” the girl exclaimed, jumping in the snow.

“Mm,” the woman murmured with disinterest. “What's a blind girl doing living alone? You must understand that I find it suspicious,” the woman in the dress said, with a darkness similar to your gaze.

You shrugged, thinking that, really, you had just lost everything.

“My, my parents died years ago,” you said in a whisper, turning your head away from the source of the sound, focusing on that calming waterfall. “I, I've managed things well until now but... The, the fire...”

“Bah, what a loser!” the girl shrieked.

You frowned. That kid definitely needed manners.

“No, I didn’t mean to be annoying…” you said, awkwardly standing up, holding your injured arm, ready to get away from that dangerous situation.

A strong grip made you hiss in pain, a hand grabbed your arm, burning it with its touch.

“You’re hurt,” that dark voice murmured.

“I, I don’t know, it hurts,” you said, removing your grip.

“Oh, no…” the girl sighed in a comical voice.

“Don’t really know who I am?” the woman asked, holding you in place with her grip.

You shook your head, stopping fighting the burning grip in your arm.

“No, but…If, if you help me, I guess you will be my savior,” you said in a sweet, desperate voice. “I don't want to cause any trouble, I just, I just want...”

“Come here,” that mysterious voice said, pulling you along, dragging you through the snow until your feet collided with something hard, it seemed like wood.

The creaking of a door, and the pleasant warmth coming from inside told you that you were in a house. The smell of humidity was strong, like a closet that had been closed for years. You could see lights, blurry shadows, a black figure that you couldn't make out, now pulling you along; next to it, another smaller blurry spot, the ill-mannered girl.

“Sit down,” the melodic voice ordered you, releasing you abruptly. Your legs collided with a piece of furniture that looked like a sofa and you obeyed.

The pain returned to your arm when a gentle hand lifted the sleeve of your dress. You protested, but she was stronger, she seemed to be searching for something. You couldn't tell, you could never know.

“It's nothing serious, but it needs to be healed,” that woman murmured, putting something on your wound, something that burned like the fire that destroyed your house.

“Yiahhh!” you yelled at that horrible pain, earning a mocking laugh from the evil girl.

“Silly, silly,” the little girl mocked, climbing onto the couch next to you.

From the size of that blurry spot, it was definitely a girl.

Silence fell over you again. The smell of humidity penetrated your brain, the warmth of what seemed like a fireplace soothed the cold. You didn't want to say anything. You simply stayed quiet, enduring the sting of your wound, trying not to give that girl more reasons to laugh at you.

“Thank you,” you sighed when you noticed how the bandages covered your arm.

 There was no answer, just a strange sigh.

“You say your house has caught fire,” the dark woman murmured, moving away from you. A lavender scent eclipsed the humid atmosphere of that place.

“Yes,” you answered, moving your arm, which barely hurt anymore. “I woke up in the middle of the night and… I could only make out the flames, and the smoke. I ran out of the cabin, but, but I tripped and… I fell, I fell here.”

“You are not from the village,” she commented, with a distrustful tone.

“No, well yes, well, I was,” you said embarrassed, lamenting your condition.

“Explain yourself,” the woman demanded, with an impatient tone.

“And don't dare to lie, you fool, or we'll know!” the girl shrieked.

“What would I win by lying?” you protested, more and more annoyed by that attitude. From the little movement you saw, you sensed that the little demon shrugged. “No, I… My, my family took me out of the village when I lost my sight. They thought, they thought that by not being useful, maybe I would be repudiated by the Black Gods and Mother Miranda.”

“They thought so?” the woman asked, with an almost amused tone, or so you thought. “Sciocchezze.”

“So, sorry, what?” you asked, confused. That strange word made you stir, as if there was something that was screaming to be heard.

The woman cleared her throat and sighed again.

“Nonsense,” she explained with a tired voice. “Mother Miranda would not despise anyone for that, your family was stupid.”

“Don’t, don't insult my family,” you hissed, clenching your fists, offended by those words.

“Oh, are you threatening us?” the girl mocked, too close to you. “Stop playing savior angels and kill her, D…”

You didn't know why, but that stupid girl shut up instantly, maybe because of the sudden movement you could feel in the woman.

“Mm, it's late for a girl like you to walk around here alone,” she murmured, seemingly unfazed by your threat. “You can stay tonight.”

“What?! You must be joking,” the girl complained.

“Can I?” you asked incredulously. “I… Thank you, thank you very much.”

“Get up, I'll take you to your room,” she ordered you in a cold voice. You, defenseless again, reached out your hand, looking for help, a point of support to be able to stand up safely.

A passive hand picked you up, pulling you to your feet, perhaps too hard, causing you to collide with that mysterious woman who smelled like lavender.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. She growled annoyed and walked away from you.

You, lost and scared, reached for her hold, her arm, something she rejected, scared, annoyed by the contact.

“Lasciami!” she demanded, shaking from your grip. You sobbed in confusion.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that…I, I don’t know this place and…” you said in a weak voice, broken by feeling that useless. “I need someone to guide me.”

The woman sighed unpleasantly and took your hand again, putting it on her arm.

“Ugh, it’s okay,” she hissed annoyed, walking with you, slowly.

Without speaking, you climbed up some stairs, helped by the lavender woman, until, after opening a door, she let you go near what looked like a bed.

“Hey,” you said, when the sound of heels told you that the woman was moving away again. “I would like to know your name, so I can thank you.”

There was no answer, just a murmur that, you were sure, was not directed at you.

“Aye,” the girl said, comically.

Small steps on the wood approached you. You trembled knowing that this sinister girl was approaching, but when the door closed and the sound of heels disappeared, you sensed that perhaps you fear had betrayed you.

The dim light that illuminated the room was not enough to distinguish shadows around you and, knowing that you were alone, you lay down on that bed, with your hands running around your surroundings until they touched something cold.

“What?” you asked, puzzled by that object, which you ran your hands over. Wooden arms, legs, a porcelain face… “A doll?” you asked when you guessed what you had in your hands, leaving that strange puppet on the side of the bed.

The tiredness was overwhelming, but the loss of everything you had was even more so, forcing you to curl up on yourself and let your tears soak the sheets.

“Gods, what am I going to do now?”

Luckily, at least you were able to sleep, even if it was in the middle of a heartbreaking cry.

The morning light was already distinguishable, and, clumsily, you got up, resting your hand on the walls. Strangely, you didn't notice the doll that was there the day before. You didn't give it any importance.

After juggling to get to the bathroom, you leaned on the railing of the stairs, confused, afraid to go down them without help.

“Hello? I, I need some help!” you asked the void, walking along the wood until you reached the first step.

“She spent the whole night crying. She’s a pain in the ass, she’s a… Oh, silly girl, you woke up!” the girl shrieked, who seemed to be talking to someone downstairs.

“Hey, uh, little girl, help me down the stairs, please,” you asked, rolling your eyes, hoping that the mysterious woman would appear.

“Okay,” she said in a comical voice, approaching you, or so you thought from her steps. “Let’s see, silly girl, one… Two…”

With her help and leaning on the railing all the time, you went down the dangerous steps one by one, trusting someone you knew you shouldn’t trust.

“Okay, okay, that’s it, you can walk normally,” the girl said.

You sighed and nodded, taking the first step, one that made you stumble and fall resoundingly to the ground. There were still stairs to go.

“Oh, damn girl,” you lamented in pain, with your ears being harassed by the cruel laughter of the stupid girl.

“Angie!” the woman's voice interrupted that tasteless joke and her heels approached you hastily.

Angie. You didn't know why, but that name sounded familiar to you.

“Uh...” you complained, letting that woman who smelled of lavender lift you off the floor carefully.

“Are you okay?” she asked, grabbing your shoulders and shaking your dress.

“I, I guess…” you said, wincing in pain. “That daughter of yours is quite the joker, isn't she?” you asked.

“Daughter?” the woman asked, confused.

Another loud laugh sounded in that strange house. It seemed that the girl was lying on the floor, kicking and hitting it with her fists, as if she had had a cruel fit of laughter.

“Daughter, she says! Don't keep talking, stop. I'm going to have a heart attack! Daughter!” the girl mocked, making you snort.

“She's not my daughter, (Y/N),” the woman said, guiding you with her arm through the house while an increasingly intense aroma of coffee made you forget that incident.

“Oh, I... I, I didn't know,” you apologized, letting her sit you on a chair and bring you closer to a table, where the aroma of coffee was much more intoxicating.

“I'm sure you're hungry,” she murmured, handing you a steaming cup of coffee that you carefully took. “Take whatever you want.”

“I... Thanks,” you sighed, touching the table, finding a whole feast of toast, oil and buns, which you devoured eagerly.

Silence was your company again, silence and darkness, the duo that guided your life.

“What are you going to do now? Your house is destroyed,” she commented, breaking the calm with an exasperating truth.

“I, I don't know,” you sighed, wanting to cry again. “I, I guess... I don't know.”

“You don't know,” she repeated, with a disinterested voice.

“Well, you should know, stupid! This isn't a hotel!” the girl shrieked, jumping on the wooden floor.

“Angie, basta!” the woman shouted, severely. You raised your eyebrows again, blinking in confusion.

“Basta?” you asked in a small voice.

The woman sighed in annoyance, putting her cup down on the table with a loud bang.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” she said coldly. “But I want you to answer me, what are you going to do now?”

“I already said I… I don’t know,” you said through clenched teeth, furious at that girl, at the discomfort you were starting to feel. “I have nowhere to go.”

“I see,” the woman whispered.

“She doesn’t!” the girl mocked, eliciting an angry growl from the lavender woman, who stood up from her chair, dragging it along in an unpleasant manner.

“Angie! If you keep going like that I swear I'll deactivate you,” she hissed, making you shift in your chair, confused.

“Deactivate?” you asked in a voice so low that she didn't hear.

“Oh, come on, Donna, I'm just kidding,” the girl complained. “You have to laugh at yourself.”

“D, Donna?” you asked again, with the cup shaking in your hand.

Donna. That name made everything in your head make sense. You had been away from the village for a long time, but you remembered it, you remembered Mother Miranda, the Lords, you remembered their figures, their faces before you lost your sight. Alcina Dimitrescu, Salvatore Moreau, Karl Heisenberg and… Donna Beneviento.

Donna Beneviento, dark woman, doll maker, nightmare creator, mentally disturbed, owner of the living doll… Yes, you remembered, you remembered the name of that doll, Angie.

“Gods…” you said agitatedly, falling from the chair, kneeling on the floor, finally knowing who you were talking to, who you had upset. The waterfall, the musty smell, that black figure, that accent, those words. There was no doubt. “Gods, I… Please, please have mercy on me, Lady Beneviento. I didn't know that I had fallen into… I, I didn't know who…”

“Shut up,” the lady ordered you, in a stern tone, as if she were upset because you had discovered her identity.

“I, I shouldn't have bothered you… I, I'll leave right away,” you said, crawling on the floor, terribly scared, getting up and running towards the unknown.

“Watch your step, stupid!” Angie squealed mockingly, just before you tripped on a rug and fell to the floor again, on your injured arm.

The heels walked slowly, Lady Beneviento was approaching you again.

“Get up,” she ordered, bending down and roughly grabbing you by the shoulders, making you stagger. “Stop fooling around.”

“Fooling around? I, I… I didn’t know that…” you stammered with your dress being shaken again, your nerves blurring your almost non-existent vision even more. “I, I’m sorry I… I’ll, I’ll go and…”

“I said shut up… Idiota…” the lady hissed, grabbing your arm tightly. “You want to run away, huh? Do I scare you?”

“No, yes, I…” you stammered unable to speak clearly.

“You said I was your savior,” she snapped at you in a dark voice. “Has your mind changed because you know who I am?”

“No, I…” you murmured again, panic running through your body.

“So…” she growled, pushing you unpleasantly, your body threatening to fall again. “Sit down and eat your breakfast!”

“Hey, hey, Donna, aren't you going too far?” Angie intervened, guiding you surprisingly carefully towards the table.

“It's always the same, Angie!” the lady shrieked, stamping her feet angrily. “What I do doesn't matter! Even this blind girl is unable to stop looking me as… As a monster…” she sighed with a sob, a terrible one that stirred you as you fixed your useless gaze below.

“I, I can't see if you're a monster or not,” you whispered, trying to calm her erratic attitude, one you'd heard about before. “And even if I could, I don't think any monster would have saved my life.”

She came quickly, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“That's what everyone says and then... Then they run away in terror...” she whispered threateningly in your ear, squeezing your shoulders, digging her nails into your skin. “Leaving me alone again!”

“I’m, I'm not going to run away, it, it just surprised me,” you said calmer, regretting your attitude. “I... I'm alone too, you know?”

“You...” Donna growled, letting you go with a furious gasp, muttering something you didn't understand.

“I, I don't know what, what could have happened to you for, for someone like you to be alone but...” you murmured, letting the tears of terror stain your face.

“Someone like me? What do you mean?” she asked in a different tone.

The Angie doll climbed onto your lap, as if she was now the one protecting you.

“You're a Lord, I, I remember you from when I was little and we went to church,” you commented, with Angie comically feeding you. You pushed her away so you could continue talking. “You always wore black… You were always, always silent. I know it may seem silly but… You, you were my favorite.”

“Your favorite? What the hell are you talking about?” she asked furiously, nervous about not understanding your meaningless words.

“My friends and I used to play at being the Lords of the village,” you said with a smile, remembering much better times, when you saw something else than blurry shadows. “I always wanted to be you.”

“Yeah! Donna's the best!” Angie sang, lowering herself to the floor again. “Hey, hey Donna, easy…”

“I, I liked the way you were, always quiet, silent, observant… I, I don't know, I guess you were the one I identified with the most,” you explained, with your head down. “You, you don't seem like the others, you're different.”

“You're wrong, you're very wrong, (Y/N),” Donna whispered, sitting back down, hitting the table with her fist.

“Would your siblings have saved me?” you asked, in a risky question. After all, you realized that you had nothing to lose.

She answered with silence, with a strange sigh.

“I know, I know, I know, choose me, I know the answer! Ask me, silly, ask it to me!” the doll squealed, comically pulling at your dress. You couldn't help but smile. “They would have let you freeze!”

“That doesn't mean anything,” the doll maker murmured, with the same cold voice.

“It means you saved me,” you answered, with your lower lip trembling. “No matter what you think, I… I will always be grateful to you, and… Well, I guess my life is already ruined, so I have nothing to lose by saying this but… Maybe, if I could stay with you, I…Nei, neither of us would have to be alone again.”

“Do you… Do you want to stay with me? You?” she asked, startled again. “You are more daring than I thought.”

“I simply have nothing to lose,” you sighed, closing your eyes, hoping that a darkness different than the one you could see would be your end, that the memories would remain in your mind before you died of terror, before she finished you off.

The sound of the chair disturbed you again, along with the slow walk of those heels, along with that lavender scent that was getting closer, as well as soft hands that lifted your chin.

“I don't scare you,” she whispered, standing too close to you. You shook your head. “You ran away as soon as you found out who I was. You're full of contractions.”

“I was surprised, that's all,” you said, gently moving your head so her hand would move away from you and stop making you nervous. “I know you're going to say no, and that you'll finish me off right now. After all, I'm useless.”

“Are you a fortune teller?” -she asked in a mocking tone, walking away from you again.

“I was never good at being a clairvoyant,” you joked easily, letting a way of being that you had and never brought to light speak for you in the last moments of your life.

Surprisingly, a soft laugh came from the lady, a charming laugh that made you gain even more confidence.

“Sei divertente, mm?”

You shook your head, not understanding the words, breathing nervously, waiting for an end that seemed to never want to come.

“She said you're funny,” Angie whispered, climbing up your body again. The change in the doll's attitude was quite... Disturbing.

“It's okay,” Lady Beneviento whispered, after a few moments of tense silence. Little by little, you got used to that.

“What?” you asked confused, blinking repeatedly.

“Stay with me, then,” she finally said in a tone you didn't know how to interpret. “But it won't be free. You'll have to help me with my tasks.”

“I'll do what I can,” you said excitedly, seeing a light that you didn't know could illuminate the dark passage of death you had begun to walk through it. “Th, thank you, Lady Beneviento, thank you...”

“Ugh, you're so annoying,” she complained, sighing amused. “Call me Donna.”

So, by a horrible coincidence, your life changed. After losing everything, you found yourself on an uncertain path, in a strange place, with a strange woman. Yes, you knew who she was, you knew what she did, what she was capable of doing, but for some reason, you didn't find any danger beyond your problems.

You were clumsy, you constantly tripped and you always needed someone's help to get back to what was already your room. Normally, it was Angie who took care of that. That sinister puppet seemed to generate a strange sympathy for you.

The days, the weeks passed.

You weren't uncomfortable, you felt fine, the opposite of what you thought. Donna Beneviento, terrible Lord, fears maker, was a kind woman in her own way, elegant, cultured, who taught you a lot of things, who helped you stop being the clumsy girl you were.

Everything seemed to be going well, even too well, even at night, when you could dream, when you could see something in your mind, she started to appear, that lady in black who laughed shyly, who taught you Italian and things about plants.

Thinking about her was quite common in your moments alone.

“Okay, to the right now,” Angie told you, standing on your shoulder, guiding you through the basement. You, with your hands outstretched, obeyed, in a usual exercise of recognition of the old mansion.

“Right…” you whispered, touching the rickety wall with your hands and guiding yourself with your hand resting on it.

“A little more, just a little more,” the doll told you. “Watch out!” she squealed when your body collided with a wall again, for the fifth time that day.

“Angie…” you sighed, rubbing your forehead, tired of the puppet's vague instructions.

“Hey, I'm being good,” she protested, comically hitting your shoulder. “Donna asked me to be good to you and I am.”

“Did Donna ask you?” you asked curiously, with an involuntary smile, thinking that, just as you suspected, the lady was looking out for you.

“Yes, so help me, blind girl,” she said in a mocking tone. “Okay, there, there, in front of you, can you see it?”

“Of course I can’t,” you said sighing annoyed.

“Oh, yes, sure,” Angie said, regretful. “Go ahead, walk forward and you will find the two doors.”

You reluctantly complied, finally finding the workshop doors.

“Well, you did it!” the doll squealed, victorious. “Look, Donna, the silly girl has arrived at the workshop!”

You couldn’t see it, but from the lavender, you knew the lady in black was there, working on her dolls, as usual.

“Yes, thanks to Angie,” you said amused, extending your hands, which were picked up by the soft, gentle hand of Donna, who gently pulled you along.

“Did you hear that, Donna? Thanks to me,” the doll said, in a proud voice. Again, you heard that adorable laugh from the Lord as she guided you to a nearby chair. “What are you doing with that on?”

You frowned, not knowing what she meant.

“Angie, shut up,” the lady protested, sitting next to you, putting a hand on your leg to make sure you were okay, guiding you to check that there was a table in front of you.

“Shut up? You're stupid, Donna, what is the veil for? She's blind,” the doll sang.

“A veil?” you asked, thinking back. Yes, you remembered the lady always covered her face with a black cloth, dark, dark as everyone said it was her soul.

Curious, you raised your hand where you thought the woman in black was, touching with your fingers that black cloth that Angie spoke of.

“Don't touch me,” she said in a sinister voice, grabbing your wrists tightly and suddenly lowering them. You stepped back.

“I'm sorry,” you apologized confused.

“Don’t be,” she said, turning around, working on her dolls again. You couldn't, you couldn't help but ask.

“Why are you covering your face?”

“Why are you blind?” Donna asked back, with a thick accent that betrayed her nervousness and anger at your impudence.

“Well…” you sighed, moved by the memories. “When I was eight I got very sick and… Well, I managed to recover but… I couldn't see again,” you explained with your head down. She sighed, annoyed again, with the noises of the sewing machine stopping.

“Do you know what a rhetorical question is?” she asked mockingly, with a fake laugh.

You smiled amused, nodding.

“I'm not offended by you asking me about my blindness, even if it was a rhetorical question,” you said in a soft voice, running your hands over the table, trying to imagine what was on top of it. “You shouldn't cover yourself, I can't see you.”

“How lucky,” Donna sighed, sadly, but ironically.

“Why do you say so?” you asked again, letting yourself be carried away by curiosity.

“Listen, (Y/N), I don't feel like talking about it, and even less with a gossipy girl like you,” she told you sternly, her voice shaking.

“I know how to keep a secret. I can't talk about what I can't see,” you said amused, taking a risk again, knowing that this was the only way to make Donna be honest with you, to speak from the bottom of her soul. You had proven it several times.

“Right in the point, Don...!” the doll screamed, silenced by something black falling on her head, and which she fought against, in a comical way, you thought. “Hey!”

“Are you happy now?” the lady asked furiously. The black no longer reached her blurry head. You smiled, concentrating to make out something. You didn't manage it, you never would.

Amused, you shrugged.

Donna sighed, as if defeated by your insistence, staying still for a moment.

“When I was little, I fell while running with scissors and lost my right eye,” she explained, without you asking her to.

“Oh, I'm, I'm sorry,” you said hastily, noticing the discomfort of the lady in black, but letting her speak.

“All the children in the village laughed at me, they said I was a monster,” she said quietly, with a nervous sob. “I stopped going out of the house, talking to people…”

“That's horrible,” you said nervously, playing with what looked like a paintbrush on the table.

“Mm,” she murmured, leaning back in the chair. “It's the past.”

“I don't think it's a good enough reason to hide your face,” you said, shaking your head. “I'm sure my eyes are much scarier.”

“Nonsense, they're beautiful,” she whispered quietly, with a different voice, causing you to smile and a burn in your cheeks.

“Thanks, I guess I must trust your word,” you said embarrassed by the compliment. “But at least you were able to get revenge on them, right? When, when Mother Miranda adopted you.”

“She only made it worse!” she suddenly shrieked, kicking the ground again, losing her mind.

You recoiled in fear.

“She, she only made it worse… Now I… I’m, I’m…” she said nervously, trying to calm herself down.

You, still scared but determined, reached out your hand to that black shadow, finding soft skin and soft lips on your way.

“Hey, don’t… Don’t…” she protested, without moving, not preventing your hands from running over her face, exploring her skin.

Your brow furrowed when you found a bulging deformity on the right side of her face, making her gasp nervously. Despite that, you didn't feel anything that made you think her words were true.

“I don't see any monsters here,” you whispered, losing yourself in your caresses, running over the skin of the lady in black without her stopping you.

“You don't see anything, (Y/N),” she sobbed at the same time you noticed a tear on your hand, which hers rested on it, lowering it slowly.

“Yes, I see your soul,” you said in a sweet voice, moving away, breathing calmly, with a smile. “And it’s beautiful.”

Donna stammered confused, trembling, without letting your hand go.

Breathing with difficulty, she brought her other hand to your cheek, comforting you with erratic caresses while her body moved towards yours, while the lavender was much more intense until you could feel her breath very close to you.

You closed your eyes, enjoying those caresses, the subtle touch of her lips against yours, which soon ceased to be that subtle.

A kiss, your first kiss came to your lips, the soft caresses of a kiss of love, a soft, slow, fearful one. You returned it, you kissed her, you kissed those lips that until then had been hidden, you let yourself be carried away by her movements, by that unexpected act.

She pulled away after a few perfect moments, ones that made you sigh, and keep a smile.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it,” she said, taking her hand away from your cheek, letting a cold breeze to form between the two of you, one that made you feel terribly sick.

“I'm not sorry,” you said, with tears in your useless eyes, with the soft kisses of her lips still present on yours. “Donna, no one has anyone treated me like you.”

“No one has spoken to me like you,” she whispered, suppressing another sob.

You, erratically, searched for her hand in that black dress, the hand that had previously grabbed you, playing with her fingers, wandering over her body until you caressed her cheek again, until you pulled her back to your lips.

She let herself be drawn into a deeper, more passionate, romantic kiss. You cried with joy, with joy for having found an explanation for those strange feelings, for your eternal thoughts about the lady in black.

“If, if you knew, if you could see me, you would never, ever have done it,” she murmured, cupping your face in her hands, not stopping kissing you, not stopping caressing you.

You smiled again, exploring her body, hugging it, impregnating yourself with her lavender scent.

“If I could see you, I would be even happier,” you said, resting your forehead against hers, letting her arms surround your body, arrange your hair, subtly telling you about her feelings.

“(Y/N) I… I, I like having you with me,” she said shyly, embarrassed.

“I like being with you,” you whispered, playing with her hands, enjoying the softness of her skin, the beauty you knew she had.

“Oh, please, stop it! I'm going to get diabetes! Come on, come on, let her go!” Angie interrupted, pushing Donna away from you in a comical way. You looked for her again with your hands, which she picked up laughing amused.

Thus began a new stage in your life, one full of love.

Donna cared for you even more. She covered you with kisses, caresses, read you stories from her books, walked with you through the woods, always holding your hand, always watching over you. You, for your part, were madly in love, discovering that side of the Lord you didn't know existed, that romantic side, that deep desire to be loved.

Nothing could go better in the life of the blind and clumsy (Y/N). What seemed like a misfortune, became your greatest luck. Your wish was no longer to regain your sight, but to always be with Donna, always.

“Admit it, it hasn't turned out so bad,” you said amused, searching for the bed with your hands, that bed you now shared with her. Donna laughed amused, helping you cover yourself with the sheets.

“You almost cooked just boiling water but I guess you haven't done it that bad,” she whispered amused, kissing you quickly and joining you in bed.

“I'm sure I'll learn to cook as well as you,” you joked, snuggling up to her. The lady laughed again, caressing your hair.

“Mm?” she murmured, fleeing from the erratic sea of ​​kisses with which you covered her every night. “Hey, I'm sure you will, tesoro.”

You sighed, hugging her body again.

“Did you imagine this?” you asked, sinking into her chest, becoming a little melancholic. “You know, being in love with someone like me.”

“I could ask you the same thing,” she answered, with a tired sigh.

“Your voice is beautiful… I love it,” you commented, moving playfully on her body. She laughed, shaking her head.

“My voice?” she asked curiously, with her hands tangling in your hair. “Learn to lie.”

“I don't lie,” you protested in a childish way, stealing another kiss from her. “It's the only thing I can tell you without you doubting me, it doesn't matter how many times I tell you that I'm convinced of your beauty.”

Donna sighed, kissing your hair affectionately.

“Do you know what I love?” she asked in a soft voice, the one that made you smile. “Your beautiful face when you smile at me.”

“Mm,” you murmured, writhing in pleasure at hearing those words, at knowing that even someone like you could be beautiful to her. “Donna, I want to make love to you.”

“What?” she asked, startled by your unexpected request. “Uh, I mean… (Y/N)…”

“What's wrong? You don't dare?” you asked, nervous at that reaction. “Is it because I'm blind?”

“No, no, I… Well yes, no, no…” she stammered, getting tense. “It's just that I… I've never…”

“Me neither,” you said, relieved for knowing that was the reason for her fear, and not your problem.

“I see,” she whispered.

“I don't,” you joked amused, climbing clumsily onto her body, with your legs on either side of her hips.

“You spend too much time with Angie,” she said, caressing your cheek but not moving away.

“She's like my guide dog,” you continued joking, biting your lip with hunger, with a desire to love completely.

“I hope she doesn't hear you,” she said, laughing amused, positioning you so you were more comfortable.

“I’ve heard it!” an irritating squeal sounded behind the door and you both laughed amused.

“Donna, please... I want, I want to love you...” you begged, radically changing the subject, insisting on your desire.

“I...” she murmured shyly, resting her hands on your waist, something that excited you quite a bit. “It's, it's okay.”

The kisses came, the caresses increased their intensity, their journey. It was a fiery dance, wild kisses that traveled beyond your lips, down your neck, down your chest…

The clothes got in the way and you got rid of yours. Donna did the same, still adoring you, showering you with praise for something you couldn't see, because of the beauty she claimed you had. Gasps escaped from your lips, from hers.

The movements of your hips found a stable rhythm when your naked bodies danced, rubbing against each other.

You wouldn't know how to describe those emotions, those sensations of being able to touch her, of feeling that you were inside of her, that you were just one, just a mass of flesh in love.

Your hands danced happily over her body, hers over yours, inside you. The kisses softened the obscenity of the wet sounds that covered the room, kisses that were less and less innocent, that savored your arousal, that fed your uncontrollable desire.

You couldn't be able to know how long that act of love lasted, but you didn't want to either, you only cared about what you felt, what you touched, what you sensed... Donna and you, you and Donna, there was nothing else, no clothes, no fear, no trembling, just your two naked bodies dancing in unison, a romantic, passionate and lustful dance.

“Are you okay?” the lady asked, when the ecstasy ended, when your two bodies arched together. You nodded, searching for her bare chest, letting your head sink into it again.

“Yes, better than ever,” you whispered, kissing her soft skin, annoyed by so much concern.

“There's something I haven't told you yet and... I think, I think I should do it now,” Donna whispered, caressing you affectionately, calming your nervous breathing. “I, I love you, (Y/N).”

“Oh, Donna,” you said, excited by everything that had happened, by all the things that were to come. “I love you too. You, you have illuminated my darkness...”