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#im a bit late but i really wanted to make this
tan1shere · 2 days
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Bent Over
Ellie williams x female reader !
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A/n: YES ANOTHER AM SONG INSPIRED FIC !! but I was listening to teddy picker and the lyrics are just 🤌🏻 and I ofc had to do this with Els cuz she fits Arctic Monkeys the best
Summary: you have to go out for a small family dinner with your girlfriend, Joel, Maria, and Tommy.
Warnings: smut ! Mdni. Bratty reader ? The reader just doesn't give up on trying to tease Ellie. Soft dom Ellie yall !!! 🥰 (I'm so obsessed with soft doms oh my) sub reader, oral (r receiving) swearing ?? Orgasm denial - think that's it <3
Masterlist
You wouldn't consider yourself a very fancy person, but considering you and Ellie had only been going out for 4 months, it was probably about time you met some of her family. The flowy black dress that hug your curves was gorgeous, you had to admit but you weren't use to it at all. Even tho this was Ellies family she still wanted to dress right. She had a lovely suit on. Its one thing you loved about her, how comfortable she was. It's not that you didn't feel comfortable in this dress, you loved it. You hardly got to wear them. You just felt a little unusual. "You look-" Ellie couldn't find the correct words. Beautiful, gorgeous, stunning? She wanted to use them all quite frankly.
"Els you look even prettier." You say sweetly, going over, fixing her tie and her hair just a little. "Youre perfect." She blurts out. And thats all it took to ease all those nerves in you. You had made a plan not to drink too much tonight either. Lightweight was an understatement, one drink and you were gone. So you had to be careful you couldn't fuck this up. Especially when you could get a bit intense when you were drunk, even a little bratty. So it was a must that you didn't do that infront of them.
You and Ellie had arrived to the restaurant not too long after. Seeing, Joel, Tommy, and Maria already there and seated. "Sorry if we are a bit late." Ellie says apologetically, hugging Joel first. "We were just early kiddo, no need to be sorry." He says hugging back. "Well guys, this is my girlfriend, Y/n." She says motioning for you to go over. You give them a smile, giving each a polite hug. "It's nice to finally meet you." Maria smiles. "It's nice to meet you all too." You begin to sit down looking at the menu. "Ellie wouldn't stop braggin 'bout you, didn't even know if you were real." Tommy states, to which Ellie kicks his foot under the table. "Ow-" "But it's so good to finally meet you hun." Joel gives a kind smile. You return it but your attention turns to Ellies you could tell she wanted this to go smoothly.
The drinks were coming around, and it's not like you weren't going to have atleast one. Ellies mistake, which she was going to do was monitor it. When she soon saw how fast you were drinking on your second one her eyes widened, grabbing it and setting it down. "Slow down there babe." She whispers slightly, then giving you quite the look. You blink slightly, hadn't even realized the pace you were going at. Oops. "So Y/n, how long have you been living here." Maria asks, to which your beginning tipsy self, didn't hear. "Ehem." Ellie coughs out, bringing you to reality again. "Oh- pardon, uhm since I was about 2." You smile at her. "And have you always lived around here?" Tommy pipes up. "It differs, I haven't lived around here my whole life but different areas." You go for another sip of your drink.
That feeling started to creep up on you, and you hadn't really shown it. Making Ellie oblivious. But you had no control over your next move. Your hand moves to hers that's resting on her thigh, you go to grab it placing it on yours instead. Normal right? Until you smirk slightly. Your hand moves up, and up- "Ellie?" Joel inquires as she suddenly chokes slightly on her food. "Im good I'm good." She gives him a reassuring smile. "But you're not. - Y/n. Stop it." Ellie whispers in your ear, trying to get you to stop drinking anymore, you knew you'd hate yourself tomorrow. She looks at you, her whispering got lower. You just shrug. "Don't." She mouths. But that only made you want to do it more.
Next move was to put your own hand on her thigh, it flexes as soon as she feels it. She lets out an annoyed breath. "How's everyone's food?" Tommy then asks. "I love mine." You say in the most sickly sweet voice. This makes Ellie bite her cheek. "A word?" She begins to get up, grabbing your hand. "Excuse me, you guys. I forgot to ask her something before we left." They all nod. "Alright babygirl, take your time." Joel gives a sweet smile yet again.
"What the hell are you doing." She speaks, all too calmly for your liking, figuring she'd be more pissed off. You knew that's not how Ellie was. She never had to yell to get you to shut up. "Huh?" You think. "I dunno." You smile at her. "You just look so good Els." She scoffs slightly. "Behave." She goes to walk away. "Well maybe you should've kept an eye out." Her movements still, she doesn't say a word. Uh oh. You shut up for a second til her head turns. "Hey baby?" You hum. "Dont be surprised when you get bent over."
Your hands scramble to grip the couch. "I-" She tuts. "Nuh uh, you started this pretty girl. Why don't we just finish it." You go to sit back up but that was clearly no use. "This is basically your fault." You speak, voice muffled by the cushion. Her laugh echoes throughout your guys living room. "Oh, baby, baby baby. I wasn't the one making a fool of myself was I? Hmm?" You stay silent, unable to find the words, as you feel her hand come in between your thighs. Your mouth hangs open slightly. They squeeze together, making her hum. "I told you, but you were dying for it-" "No, i-" her finger slips inside your underwear, slipping into your entrance making you shut right up. "What was that?" Her tone was soft, but her intentions were definitely the opposite. "Nothing, I swear." You let your eyes shut, letting out a slight moan as her finger goes deeper.
"That's what I thought." Then all of a sudden her finger was gone. And just like that, she had you wrapped around her finger. You curse at yourself but it turned you on more how easily she could shut you up. It was hot nonetheless. You sit up, facing her now. Grabbing onto her collar and bringing her in for a kiss. Falling backwards her hands land beside your head, keeping her upright. The kiss got more heated by the second. You slowly begin to grind up into her, knowing she can't resist you. "God you're foul." She smirks against your lips. It only transfers to your lips, but wider. "Know you love me." She just shakes her head, that smirk never leaving.
Her hands pin yours above your head so effortlessly, keeping that kiss going. Until she moves to your neck, then lower. Reaching your cleavage. Her soft fingers go for the straps of your dress and pull them off your shoulders. They move down to the bottom, getting a good grip and tugging it off you. Your nipples harden at the cool air. Ellie bites her lip slightly. "This should be fun." That confused you tons. But oh boy were you not ready for what she had in store.
"Ellie.." You breathe out as you arch your back. "Hmm?" She was antagonizing you. The need to cum had been relentless and she denied it everytime. You were overstimulated to the max, making her enjoy eating you out for the longest time. "Do you know how much-" Suck. "I fucking love you and-" Suck. "This God damn pussy." Your head falls back at her words, her movements. "Ellie just please!" Your begging voice only turned Ellie on more. Her face comes into view. She gives you a fake pout. "But my baby, why should I?" Her smirk was evident and she was awful at hiding it. "Please Ellie just let me cum please." You finally felt slight tears at how desperately you craved it.
Bingo. "Alright, ok. I suppose-" You sit up so fast giving her a look. But it subsides as she almost pulls off all together. Your eyes turn pleading. "You can cum baby, I promise." And Ellie never, broke a promise. You let out a breath of relief as her tongue gets back to work. "F-fuck!" You scream out as you felt your most likely 4th orgasm of that night. But finally she was going to give you that relief. And God did her tongue do absolute wonders. She knew how to get you squirming. "Come on baby, I got you. Let go."
Your breathing was increasing, moans, whimpers were all that could be heard. "Ellie-" You gasp as you feel her fingers enter you. "You're so tight. Fuck." Her words only encourage you more. "Fuck, Ellie!" She hums against you, and youre seeing stars. "There you go good girl, cum on my tongue. Just like that." Your eyes flutter close as you finally do so. Feeling so worn out as you slowly come down from your high. There was some silence as she sat back up. "Gotta say. You were the yummiest thing I had tonight." She smirks down at your tired figure. You let out a dry laugh, having no energy but still finding her funny.
"I love you."
"I love you too, Els."
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hello lovie🫶🏻 as of the past mmm three days I’ve been coming back to your account and reading your tan fics, they’re just SO good!! I couldn’t help but maybe put in a request?? I’m not quite sure if you’ve done one of these before, but would it be too much trouble to do a sort of hurt/comfort type fic, where tan comes back from a mission absolutely tattered and beaten and reader instantly helps mend his wounds?? Idk what it is but I’m an absolute WHORE for these kind of fics. omg and reader uses rubbing alcohol on his cuts and stuff and he starts wincing and she goes “sorry, it’ll hurt” and he retorts with “really?? hadn’t noticed” or something like that HSJSKSN and throughout this WHOLEEE thing he’s just staring at her so lovingly and eventually they both lean in to kiss SJJWW IM SORRY BUT HES JUST SO AHHHHH😭🫶🏻🫶🏻lysm girlie, your writing makes me literally kick my feet, giggle and twirl my hair🫶🏻🫶🏻
hii omg omg thank you cutie!!!🤍 done a fair few of these but I love the wound cleaning trope ESPECIALLY with tan! thanks for requesting, hope you like it💌
CUTS AND SCRAPES.
tangerine x reader (gn) — fluff
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word count. 790
!! blood mentions
No matter how late it would be when Tangerine returns home, you'd still wake to the sound of the front door softly closing - the sluggish footsteps of your lover creeping inside. And without fail, you would find yourself stepping down those stairs to greet him with a sweet, welcoming smile.
Though tonight —well, extremely early morning— when you heard him come through the front door, instead of hearing his usual exasperated sighs, you heard groans - like he was in pain. And without missing a beat, you followed that noise, feet cascading down the steps to check he was okay.
You find him in the kitchen, leaning over the island - dampening a cloth in the sink. 
"What happened to you?" you ask, voice quiet as you look over his face - taking note of the cuts, bruises and the crusted, dried-bloody state of a nose. "You okay?" 
"In fuckin' agony," he mumbles, wincing when he places the cloth to his forehead. 
You walk around to meet him behind the island and reach into the cupboard under the sink, picking up one of the many med-kits around the house. Collecting a bag of frozen peas, you nod Tangerine over to the kitchen table, gesturing for him to sit in front while you lay the kit and bag on the surface.
He follows suit - taking a seat and scooching the chair closer to you, placing the bag of peas over his knuckles.
"Do you want to talk about it?" you ask, trying to ease him. You look up at him, turning your eyes away from the contents in the first aid kit - trying to gauge his response. "You don't have to... but it might help though."
He shakes his head faintly, sniffling in his usual mannish way. "No, I'm good, love," he dismisses.
You only nod, accepting that he'll come to you when he's ready. You slip on a pair of medical gloves and tear open an antiseptic wipe, hesitantly reaching for the cut on his forehead. "You ready?" you ask, pushing back a messy, unkempt curl with your free hand.
"Not particularly."
His apparent unease about the wound cleaning was almost endearing - it was oddly humanising to see the vulnerability in his usual cold assassin shell. Or the bravado he often puts on around others.
"I'll be gentle," you say, voice almost distracted as you carefully run the point of the cloth around the cut - cleaning it. 
His face grimaces, his features pulling together uncomfortably. 
"Sorry, this bit hurts," you try to comfort him, eyes glued on his forehead. 
He hums shortly, the noise like an unamused 'humph.' "Ya'think? Hadn't noticed— fuck."
"You moved, I'm sorry. Keep still." 
He exhales harshly, attempting to pull himself together. He prods the bag of peas with his other hand, trying to use it as a distraction as you finish up with his cut. 
"Nearly done," you say, laying a plaster flat over his wound - soothing the sticky edges over his skin. You press a kiss into your finger and stamp it onto the covered dressing. "There we go."
Without thinking otherwise, you move on and attend to the other mild injuries - his knuckles up next. You remove the peas, placing them on the table while you slip your hand under his beaten one, holding his palm in your hand. 
"Looks like you got a few licks in," you joke, nodding to his bruised, cut-up fist. 
"Just a few," he jests, mindlessly grazing his fingers over the back of your hand - caressing you. 
You laugh faintly, the sound amused. You run the damp cloth over his knuckles, cleaning up the residual flecks of red he tried to clean earlier.
Unbeknownst to you —your attention solely on his hand— he's looking at you, his expression like that of admiration. Half-lidded eyes scan you attentively, watching the way you care for him. 
"Thank you," he says, words gentle. 
You hum, peering up from his hand to look at him. 
"I mean it," he emphasises, holding onto your gaze when you try to glance back down. 
You squeeze his hand gently and press a kiss to his knuckles. Lips against his skin as you whisper. "I know."
And just as you're about to release his hand, his other moves to cup the side of your face - his grip light and tender as he pulls you in for a kiss. He lingers longer than necessary —longer than usual— as if to soak in the feeling of being back home and safe. 
You pull away first, resting your forehead against his brow bone. "I missed you."
He thumbs over your cheek, his hold still faint on your face. "Missed you."
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p0mko100 · 1 day
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gamer boy rambles - feat. jjk men
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w/c: 2k
synopsis : how it would be like if you were partners with the jjk men as gamers
info : includes (in order) - megumi, yuuji, inumaki, gojo and geto, fluff, ramble, gamer au, nb!reader
other : im so happy you all enjoyed my last fic so much!! i didn't expect it to get that much traction especially being a new writer and all, but i just got lucky i guess :D this ones super sweet and i hope you all enjoy :)
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fushiguro megumi
synopsis : you and megumi live together in a city apartment and one night you find him on his PC, unable to shake off this restless feeling.
Your eyes flutter open to Megumi at his desk, headset on but scrolling on his phone. Your shared apartment feels more like a long-time home whenever it's the quiet nights like this. His sleepless eyes and rough bed hair still look flawless no matter how effortless it is. The light of his monitor reflects on his eyes and when the contrasting "Match Found!" graphics are flashing on the screen, his whole posture straightens in concentration. Kicking off the comforter and gently placing your plushie beside you, the whiplash of sitting up too fast kicks in. You make your way sluggishly to the bottom of the bed, closer behind the brightly lit corner of the room. Lightly tapping Megumi on his arm, he turns to face your half-open eyes with his sleep deprived ones.
"Can't sleep, Gumi?" You mumble.
He shrugs and looks to the Totoro clock the two of you found thrifting a while back. He was always attentive and often surprised you with little trinkets he'd pick up on his way home. The clock was something special though. A memento of the day he asked you to come live with him. He bought it after you pointed it out, and on the walking trail you always take with him, he gifted it to you muttering, "This would look good in our house wouldn't it?". He'll never forget the way you looked that day, under the scattered sunlight and the hushed wind.
"You need to go back to bed, you've got an early lecture today."
You grumble at the mention of your class and crawl into Megumi's arms, sitting in his lap with your legs sprawled over his other arm. You give him a long, desperate kiss before your head lolls to rest on his shoulder. While you were sleeping, he makes sure not to move too much or too quick, even at the behest of his teammates. Your sleep was much too important to ruin over a virtual game.
itadori yuuji
synopsis : you are cooking food for yuuji as he's on his PC in the living room, playing with some friends.
The hiss of the oil hitting the pan sliced through the humid summer air. You were making some late night omurice for you and your fiancé, who was winding down after a long day at work. When he came home, it was like his face melted into a constant strained expression. He grumbled a bit before picking you up into his arms and squeezing you tight, his tense body finding every curve of your body. He'd go on to kiss you sloppily before exhaling his worries away.
"Tough day again?" You nuzzled your nose into his and a smile started to play against his mouth.
"The air conditioner stopped working and it was like living in the 9th circle of hell! I just wanted to go home to you as quick as I could..." He exhasperated and whined like a teenager, but he never really complains.
You make a quick pass his way to see him fully engrossed in his game. There are times you feel bad, seeing as he hasn't upgraded his computer since his highschool days. The back of the chair curves outwards from it's strain against the duct tape holding it together. That doesn't matter too much, because he's always leaning forward to vaguely resemble a taco and peer intently on his slanted monitor. You've asked and almost begged multiple times to get a better set up, but every time he refuses deeming the purchase to be unimportant if his current one works 'just fine'.
"OH YOU MOTHERFUCKER."
"NO WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT-"
"I've made a serious lapse in judgement-"
Incoherent babble comes spewing out of his mouth but you pay little to no mind. It's comforting to know that you and him have come so far. The remnants of nervousness or hesitation to say anything had passed long ago, and suddenly you're planning a wedding. There's nothing quite like being in love with Yuuji. His love is like a storm and yet you remain untouched from the ruthless nature.
You call out his name and he immediately closes his game to come and help you with setting up the dinner table. He always litters your face with little quick pecks of appreciation beforehand though.
toge inumaki
synopsis : you and inumaki have just started going on dates after being mutual friends and he's showing off his room to you for the first time.
Chills creep against your back while Inumaki opens his room door for the first time. What if he has something weird? You were antsy to see what his place looked like; for him to share something so sacred and special to him was unusual but you wanted to know him on a deeper level. Before coming to his place, he asked if you could wait outside for him at a GameStop and you, of course, obliged.
When the door eases open, you finally get to see his room for the first time. He was always a secretive person, keeping his space from your mutual friends. So, when he asked if you wanted to go back to his place to play some games, you were pleasantly surprised. His bed had a grey comforter and a cute little yellow plushie that sat in front of his pillows. This little ball of golden cuteness was spotted in various spots of his room - on top of his dresser, stickers on his PC, on his desk and even as little pencils.
You gaze in amazement, partially because of how cozy it all is, and how much this reveals about himself. Inumaki slides past you to place his new purchase amongst this collection of other mini yellow plushies that are all lined up on his dresser.
"This is adorable! I didn't know you liked collectibles so much Innie! Where is this little guy from?" You ask, encouraging him to open up to you. He gives you a suprised look, a smile curling at his lips.
"This is from this game I really like and it's like the little mascot of the game and it's like this little pet that follows you around and it's just so cute I named my one in the game Bloop and I gave him little armour so he wont get hurt and it's like one of my favourite games ever I love playing it so much I have like 200 hours on it..." Periodically he'd look into your eyes to check if you're listening and your attentiveness reaffirms his trust in you.
He gives a wry smile before coming over to the edge of his bed where you're sat. He's never been one to initiate much and even less to express his feelings through physical touch. But something clicked for him. Some kind of connection, a spark, that led his hand to hold yours. Slowly, you both find each other's lips and plant your first kiss together in his bedroom. That kiss was a small budding flower of the garden that will blossom between you two.
satoru gojo
synopsis : you and gojo are partnered to work on an assignment together, but he keeps getting distracted.
Tick, tick, tick.
You stare at the blank word document on your laptop, already tired just thinking about the work you have to do. Satoru, your group partner and boyfriend, was your last saving grace from completely zoning out of your professor's class. Outside this small cafe in the corner between the subway and your campus, the frosty snow continued to drop from the grey sky. It was around this time last year when you and Satoru got together.
--
"You know, being the loudest in the room doesn't mean you're always going to get your way."
You mumbled under your breath, annoyed at this white-haired man suddenly appearing and enamouring all of your friends. Admittedly, he was beautiful. He could do the things he does because of it, and you wanted to wipe his smug expression right off his face. His eyes looked misty under the flickering street lights of the car park, selfishly taking up all the brightness that the lamp had to offer. He was your textbook definition of perfect. Call it immature, but you just wanted to see him for who he really is.
His smile wavers when looking your way and when you shoot a look his way, he doesn't look away. When everyone decided to get drinks, you opted out to be able to drive your friends when they were ready and to wind down in your own way.
" 'Toru, you comin'?"
"Nah... I, uh, I think I'm going to the gym." The string of a lie was being spun between each charismatic word his lips let out. You walked towards your car when a firm hand is placed on your shoulder. When you spin around, rife with cold shock, you're met face to face with the perfect man himself. His cold gaze scanned you meticulously, only further deepening this sense of stillness. His lips part, hesitating to speak as if it took every ounce of his being to say something that he felt true in his soul.
"You see me, don't you?"
--
"You must really like my new hair down look, huh? Keep staring at me like I'm a God~" He teases with a coy tongue out, holding your hand from across the table. You pay no mind to the time that has passed and stare at his gentle hand over yours. Veins trail their path up his forearm and into his biceps, leaving beautiful lines in their way.
"I literally have no idea what to write I'm screwed..." You whine, slumping over your laptop. "Lemme see what you have down!" You decide and spin his laptop around.
Unsurprisingly, he has 3 tabs open on his screen. One is his work in the corner, another is a stream of his favourite e-sports player and another is a game of chess. Typical.
"Noo!! Give it baaaack you're gonna waste my move!" He winges and shakes your hand in a playfully aggressive way. He's never been one to focus, even on study dates like these. Working on a project with him was going to be harder than partnering with anyone else, but you wouldn’t want it any other way.
suguru geto
synopsis : geto is crying a bit over the ending of a game and you comfort him and end in cuddles.
Your voice bounces off the thin walls of your cottage home. You'd always dreamed of having a home with it's own personality, with this little building sitting on the edge of a megacity close to work. The little scuffs on the wall from all the nights wine drunk where Suguru had to carry you to the bedroom.
The silence wasn't all that concerning. Sometimes your husband was so engrossed in the things he was doing that he'd forget the time, simply existing within this concentrated flow state. You set your feet on the hardwood floor, wandering to the warmly lit living room. There, on the couch, sat your intensely focused husband, with a headset on and what looks like end credits rolling on your TV screen.
You place your hand on his shoulder and your heart completely sinks. His face is puffy and his cheeks are lightly stained with tears. It's rare to see him broken down to his core like this. From instinct, you pull him closer to your chest, stroking his hair softly and hushing his soft sobs.
"Love, it's okay. What's wrong?" You whisper into his forehead, kissing the top of his head.
"I finished that game I showed you and-," His sentence breaks with sniffles and cries, "and my family they- ... I got the bad ending and- and they died..." He finally finishes the string of words that seemed to catch in the middle of his throat.
"It's okay my love, it's okay..." You repeat in a voice that just barely reaches a whisper.
Suguru, your usually stoic partner, has his heart pouring into you. His love spills from the gaps between your hands and you can only hold so much of him at once. You feel him unravelling in your arms and you can only do so much as to caress the weight of his emotions away. Between the softness of your touch and your voice that seems to repeat the same sentiment to no avail, he holds you like you are a lighthouse to a sailor.
For a while, you two just stay there holding each other. When the sobs have quieted and the night starts to darken the evening light, you two are intertwined on the couch, revelling in the presence of each other. Moments like these are nothing short of the tranquility you've always yearned for.
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a/n: hi!! this is sorta rushed and in the middle of it i started to feel a little insecure about my writing T_T i hope this still reads well and that you enjoy :)
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cc: @p0mko100, please do not reupload or redistribute any of my work.
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stardustloserdoll · 18 hours
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SITTING ON ALS FACE PLSSSSSS PLS PLS PLS AND PLS FETUS AL SO HE DOESNT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT HES JUST HAPPY HIS FACE IS STUCK IN BETWEEN UR THIGHS
oh my god anon..
back from the dead 🔥🙏
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get your face in between my thighs
female reader
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alex had been quiet for the past days lately. his head cluttered with the thought of you, sitting on his face. he ate you out when you two got intimate but he always dreamed that you’d sit on his face. he was too shy and scared to ask, cause he didn’t really know what to do but he wanted to try it.
late at night he’d be dreaming about it thrusting his hips into the bed. just him gripping your thighs while you let out moans and whimpers, tugging on his hair. thats was when he decided to ask you one day.
you both sat on the couch watching a movie, your head on his shoulder. he wasnt even watching the movie, his eyes would occasionally wander to your exposed thighs. he licked his lips watching as your skirt slightly rode up as you moved.
"alex?" "alex!" he snapped out of it and looked at you "huh oh. sorry babe." he muttered rubbing the back of his neck "zoned out for a bit." you smiled "its okay. is everything alright? you've been kinda out of it for a couple days." you ran your fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes as you did that, a small moan escaping his lips.
"y-yeah im fine. just.. thinking." he sighed opening his eyes moving his hand to rub your thigh. "y/n?" he felt his face growing hot. "i-" he began. biting his lip looking down as he continued rubbing your thigh, moving under your skirt. "yes al?" he looked up still biting his lip "sit on my face."
"please." he gripped your thigh looking at you with puppy dog eyes.
he gulped looking up at you, licking his lips and pulling you onto his mouth making you gasp. he moaned against your cunt, muffled thank you’d coming from his lip. you watched his eyes rolling back in pleasure as his tongue moved sloppily on you. “oh god al.” you gripped his hair making him whimper.
he opened his eyes looking up at you with his big eyes. the more you moaned the tighter he gripped your thighs and pulled you more onto him his nose rubbing against you. “al..” you moaned, he groaned against you, his movements speeding up as he licked and sucked at your clit.
drool slipping past his lips soaking your cunt even more. he panted heavily against you swirling his tongue making you whimper as he moved his tongue back and forth. he murmured praises into your cunt, thrusting his hips up. you moved your hips on his mouth. he pulled away slightly breathing rapidly “am i doing good?” he asked his mouth and chin covered in your slick and saliva.
“y-yes al.. just keep going.. you’re doing so good.” he moaned nodding his head pulling you back onto his mouth. “oh god..” you whined, your mouth parting letting his name fall out your mouth. “al im gonna.” after a few more licks, he felt you come on his tongue. he sighed loosening his grip on your thigh pulling away licking his lips looking into your eyes. “oh my god.” he whispered “need your pussy on my face more.”
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satoruluvies · 3 days
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first angst drabble!! i cannot write angst without tryna cryy :(
okk here it goes HELP srry this took while say i had go school to catch up works i miss when sick
imagine nanami sending you texts every time when he goes out for mission it start with "hey how are you?" and at night he give you heads up "mhm comin home late." it's always was a routine, one mission was going be his very last he text you sweet messages how he Forgot kiss the kids good Moring since he went early but he promise to you when he comes back he give them a sweetest night kiss, you guys texted back and fought before he had to go, he sent you a message d before he had to go, you were to focus on the Kids you didn't see it pop up, minutes went hours you were so worried you texted your husband wondering where he is, you saw a text that you missed "if anything happens, I love you." you reply back "promise?" why reply to someone who not on earth anymore?
WHHE2321MNEWD
(this was a diff idea i wanted when everyone was using reader and when she finds a boyfriend, Gojo he just like the same and uses her too tell me if u want this drabble to i thought it was bit mean!!)
-🐱 anon
honestly could go a little something like-
the day starts with the lovely morning text from your husband as usual, smiling to yourself at the endearment he called you and the apology saying he forgot to kiss your lovely daughter before he left. he'd make up for it when he arrive though, you had no doubt.
checking your phone right after you wake up to read your husband's text was your daily routine even before kento became your husband. it just didn't feel like your morning was complete without doing so.
this particular morning however, you find yourself crying for a reason you can't find yourself to pinpoint.
you: i think my period is coming, im getting emotional for no reason. come kiss me better when you arrive!
✓ 6.54 am
you set your phone down and take a moment to bask in the small rays of light falling from your windows into your room and sigh, wiping your tears away. you could really use morning kiss right now.
"mama!" your daughter scurried over to your bed and threw her tiny body over yours earning a giggle from both your mouths. you place a chaste kiss on her forehead and a second one, for kento. it was a charming moment until your daughter's smile disappeared.
"mama are you crying again?" you find your hands rubbing away the tears that happened to run down your cheeks. what is up with that?
"momma's fine, baby. how about we surprise papa with his lunch today? he forgot to give you your morning kiss hm?" you tuck her hair behind her ears, her own eyes slowly turning teary.
"you're doing it again" she pulls away from your hold, a frown now found itself on her adorable face.
"doing what baby?"
"talking like ... like papa is still here. i don't like it."
that's when it hit you. her papa, your husband wasn't here anymore. you knew it, you do but somehow it does not make sense. how could nanami be dead when you've just received your morning text like you always used to when he was here?
you scrambled among your sheets desperately searching for your phone to prove to yourself, more than anyone, that nanami was alive and well. of course he has to be.
however you were only met with disappointment and that nauseating feeling of jumping off somewhere high when you opened your chats to his number.
you: i think my period is coming, im getting emotional for no reason. come kiss me better when you arrive!
[message not sent. this number is no longer in use.]
! 6.54 am
ah. it wasn't for no reason that you were emotional first thing in the morning. it was your body mourning for the love of your life that your mind forced itself to forget about his death.
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omg this concept of reader imagining/hallucinating beloved used to be one of my favourite tropes!! pls the way my world paused when i read your drabble because i knew it was angst but i didn't know it was about THIS topic crying crying
also im so glad to know you're better now, enough to go to school hehe i hope the workload isn't too heavy to catch up on <3
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iwantanywayyy · 1 day
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thinking about staying up past my bed time cause i don't have to be up early the next morning and my dad is coming home really late from work like usual. im in the living room laying on my stomach on the floor playing a game. our dog gets up to greet him at the door and dad comes around the corner taking off his shoes and coat.
"What are you doing up, bunny?" he comes over to me and grabs my feet that are kicked back in the air and he shakes them a little smiling down at me.
"im just playing a game ill probably be dead soon," i quickly turn back and smile up at him before returning my focus "could i maybe stay up a little bit longer?"
"Sure bunny" he smacks the soles of me feet and leaves to the kitchen. I keep playing my game and dad comes back out later with a drink and wearing his pajamas. he threw a pair of pajamas on my back "get your pj's on after this game we're gonna watch a movie" I wanted to keep playing but i felt bad saying anything so i listened and got up to go to the bathroom nearby and change. i bring my clothes to the laundry room and see dad's dirty clothes are there too so i decided to start a load. he must have heard me because i hear him clear his throat and turn around to see him leaning against the doorway drink still in hand. "Dad's tired little lady what's taking so long?" he walks closer to me smiling and i giggle telling him im just doing this quickly. he keeps walking closer to me which i didn't think much of until i could smell how strong his drink was. or maybe him...was he that drunk already?
he stops within an inch of me so close i can hear him breathing. his body hovers over mine and i try to keep myself collected but im getting nervous.
"I think you need new pj's bunny" he says leaning a little closer to me. "what?" i giggle again wondering what he means when suddenly i feel cold splash down the front of my shorts and down my leg. i stumble back into the washer letting out a little gasp looking up at my dad he's smiling at me and mumbles out a half assed "sorry." he looks at the cup in his hand and back at me before gulping the rest and tossing the glass. i shiver hearing it shatter against the concrete. i just keep looking down and fiddling with my shorts when my dad comes face to face with me
"Let me get that for you doll." he pressed his hand firmly against my stomach pinning me against the machine. i try to wiggle away confused and annoyed when my dad gets down and drags his tongue from my knee where his drink was dripping all the way up my thigh and over my shorts
"Dad what the fuck!" i put my hands on his head and push him away while he chuckles and lets me go. i hit my arm against his chest when he stands back so he knows im frustrated and his smile fades as i stand there pouting at him squeezing my legs together and hugging my arms against my chest. he softly smiles at me and offers a genuine apology and pats my back leading me out of the laundry room. he brings me to the couch and stands in front of it telling me not to move. when he comes back he has a new pair of pj's and my favorite stuffed bear. i smile immediately and reach my arms out to grab everything. i started to leave for the bathroom but dad tsk's at me making me turn around. he points his finger to where he told me to stand still and i walk back to wait. he sits on the couch in front of me for a while just looking at me in silence. he rubs his chin with is hand and leans back into the couch spreading his legs making me look down at my feet.
"What are you waiting for?" he asks me. i look back up at him confused and look back at the bathroom and down to my clothes.
He chuckles, "no sweetheart right here. start with the top"
I look back at him with wide eyes unsure if my father actually just told me to strip in front of him or not. He sits there waiting as my mouth starts to open but i can't think of anything to say.
"Do you need daddy to help?" He stands up and comes to me tucking my hair behind my ear and resting his hand on my shoulder. i was so confused and felt so vulnerable he was so big and so sweet but so mean i don't know he was confusing me i couldn't think at all. i realize his fingers are pinching my top's strap and they slowly start to pull it down while he stares at my face, his other hand gripping my other shoulder tightly holding me in place. "Awww little baby what's wrong? Can't think for daddy?" i cant help but whine and i feel my eyes tear up as he talks to me like this. "Up, up!" he taps my elbows and grabs my hands holding them above my head trying to lift my shift off. this snaps me back to it. i pull my arms down and step back from him and turn around telling him to stop this is weird. he quickly rushes behind me and pulls me back forcibly holding me against him. "Dad, stop!" I protest with him as my feet kick around and his big hands grab me all over trying to hold me against him. "Shhhhhh" he reaches one hand up to my throat and grips it. i freeze and don't say anything more while my dad's hand squeezes my throat and his other is wrapped around my waist gripping my hip.
"Are you gonna be a good girl baby? Please?" he lets go of my neck and i breathe in deep before he covers my mouth with that hand making it hard to breathe once again.
"I don't want to hurt you but i need this right now please be good for me" my heart starts beating faster as my dad tugs at my shorts with one hand. im getting so hot i feel like i could pass out i try begging against my father's hand as he pushed my shorts to my knees and grumbles against me smelling my hair and reaching that hand up to my tits groping me through my shirt. he teases my nipple with his finger making me whine and try to turn away. he pinches my nipple hard through my shirt making me scream against his hand before he roughly grabs at my tits breathing heavier against my ear grabbing me so hard i feel his finger prints will bruise me.
"I made such a sexy little girl. Nice fucking tits sweetie" he uncovers my mouth a little and pushes my chin up so he can put his mouth against my neck. he starts sucking on my skin and i feel his teeth grazing into me and his tongue flicking my neck. im crying and gasping from how he's holding me. his hand smacks my tits a couple of times before it reaches down and he lightly traces a finger over my glistening pussy lips.
"oh fuuck" he leans against my neck loosening his grip on me and lets out a deep sigh before placing his finger a little deeper between my pussy lips and sliding up. i go completely weak in my father's arms while he switches from digging his finger between my lips and sucking the juices off of it himself. he sounded like an animal in my ear lapping up every drop until eventually he reached down and touched me bringing his finger to my face and started rubbing my juices over my lips. i kept my mouth shut and whined against trying to turn away but he bit my neck again making my mouth open to cry out and then he shoved two fingers inside and pushed them back against my tongue making me gag and my eyes swell.
"Gooooood girl!!" he praises me as his fingers curl and rub around inside my mouth. he does this for a minute until drool and spit starts pooling in the back of my throat and im gurgling choking for air and he drags some spit out mumbling "fuck" as my head tilts down and i cough and try to catch my breath. my dad is holding my arms behind my back with one hand and im leaned forward gasping wanting to get away. i hear this sloshing wet sound behind me and once i can breathe again i look back and my eyes go wide and immediately start sobbing. different variations of "please, stop, dont" leave my mouth as my dad holds me tightly and i have to watch him jerking his fat cock off with my spit. he lines the head of his dick up with my pussy and i cry out please again hoping he will listen to me. he turns us both toward the couch and all he says is
"Walk" as he pushes me forward making me go because i don't want it to push inside of me. he leads me to the couch like this and bends me over. he places my hands against the wall and tells me to stay still. im still crying begging him saying please daddy over and over. his hands rub the sides of my body and then over to my tits again. he pops them out the sides of my top making me so exposed and he jiggles them watching them bounce. i stop crying as much and feel my face burning red when my dad kisses the back of my head and then wraps his arm around neck and plunges his cock all the way inside me. he sits there for a minute after he let out a sound ive never heard before. he switched between whimpering and grunting while i could feel his cock twitching inside of me. i stopped crying i couldn't do anything but sit there and let my dad use me and be good like he asked. my dad took his hands and placed them over mine holding himself over me like that for what felt like forever. im sure he could feel me trembling beneath him as he nuzzled into my neck "I'm sorry" he apologized again and then took his right hand and placed it between my legs. he pulled his cock almost all the way out before placing his finger on my clit and rubbing while he sunk his cock back inside me. i moaned out at how much he was stretching me out if felt like i was burning. he slowly kept thrusting into me while rubbing my clit and groaning into my neck. my breathing changed and my body started to feel tingly everywhere and i couldn't help but moan and wriggle while my dad rhythmically forced himself inside of me. his groans of pleasure made me feel so special i started to get so fuzzy and just want to make my dad feel good and happy. He started groaning louder and more often and he stopped rubbing my clit grabbing my hips with both hands. he relentlessly pounded into me while my mouth hung open and drool slipped off my tongue.
"Beg me to cum inside of you"
his words brought me back and i started to remember how i didn't want any of this... did i? my body was shamelessly wet for him why?!
"Say 'cum in my pussy dad' be a good girl ughhh"
"Dad!" i cry out shocked at what he's telling me panting from how roughly he's still fucking me. his cock is so hard inside of me it hurts from how deep he's hitting maybe i should just beg so this will stop!
"Hurry up bunny, fucking beg me please!"
i felt my little pussy clenching around my dad's cock and my mind went dumb again and all i wanted was to make him happy
"P-please cum in my pussy dad! im sorry ill be good daddy please cu-" i tried to beg him again but my body started convulsing and every thought left my head while my dad raped me and made me cum on his cock too stupid to understand what's happening.
"Thaaaat's right, fuck that's my tight little daughter!" my dad fucked me through my orgasm making me shake and still somehow he kept forcing his cock deep inside of me until he told me he was sorry he's been waiting so long to do this
"Here's it comes baby, oh fuck, oh fuck im gonna cum!" he grips my hips so tightly as his balls are pressed against me unloading rope after rope of sperm through his cock into my tight hot little pussy. His head is thrown back as he relishes the feeling of breeding his daughter for the first time. he's masturbated to the thought of this for years and now finally he's balls deep inside of her tiny cunt and he'll never have enough of her.
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valeffelees · 3 months
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some quick snowbaz sketches for the soul :)
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and also this lmfao
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todayisafridaynight · 6 months
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they were out of line for this. by the way.
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codacheetah · 3 days
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Anyone ever heard of Deltarune? That shit's pretty crazy.
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orcelito · 6 months
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Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.
Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.
Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.
It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...
This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.
I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#didnt mean to write this much about the concept but i really am so...#jealous almost. id love to be able to read my fic as a reader.#because it's tailor made to my tastes Exactly.#and i know it's good writing. i surprise myself even sometimes with how good things end up.#it's never a doubt in my mind that i'll make things good. even the harder things . while bringing trepitation . i know i'll figure them out.#the relationship a fic writer has with their own fic is so... yeah. intimate. but still somehow emotionally removed.#but thats how it goes with any art piece i think#the creator sees all the bits and pieces that went into it. remembers the thoughts as they made it#they know their work better than Anyone Else. but they'll never be able to experience it like an outsider.#is my fic helping someone through a rough breakup? is it something someone rereads when theyre sad?#is it a fic that people stay up way too late reading? the fic that someone discovers and consumes all within a day?#that voracious love. ive experienced it many times with other fics. but i can never experience it with my own.#but in the end. that's okay. i will just continue to do as i wish with it. and maybe people will continue to like it.#it is my goal to make a fic that people will never forget. what that may mean differs depending on the person.#i want it to be the best fic it can be. and i will make it so with every brick i lay down.#puttering about for days and weeks and months. it's Most of what i think about. it's my impact on the world.#and it's sitting for 3 hours after work in the storage room writing until im shivering but Satisfied with a productive writing session#it's writing some of my most emotional scenes while sitting for an hour on the toilet#no one else knows what the toilet written scenes are. but I Do. such is my relationship with my fic.#(the focus in the Quiet Rooms cannot be underestimated. the bathroom is indeed one of the Quiet Rooms lol)#& man. ive rambled so much now. but i just love my fic so very much#i'll never be an ITNL reader. and that's okay. because i'm its writer. & that's a status that No One Else can boast.#even those people who state that it's their Favorite favorite cant rival the intimacy of my own relationship with it.#I Am Its Writer and that means so very much to me.#i... really do love my fic y'all
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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oldestking · 3 months
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Sometimes I ponder the idea of going back to a single blog, like,, not in the sense of leaving my currently active multi behind, or Gil behind, but like, that craving of having a new muse, that has their own space,, it feel like I haven't have that in some time already (and to those who know me, it's nothing unusual to find 844738382 blogs following u which are all mine OTJRPRJTRK)
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bahoreal · 8 months
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im gonna go off on one in the tags pls enjoy
#ive been going by jay online since i was 13 irl since i was 15/16 and my mum cant get used to it#me my friend and both our mums hung out last week and i heard my mum telling his mum 'i just cant get used to [their] name. they want to be#called /jay/ but i just cant do it' literally everyone else including my brother and my dad uses my chosen name#apart from when theyre around my mother! because her force of disgust is definitely more important than my agency and want to be called by#my own name... i have been thinking about wanting to be called another name like. interchangably with my name#and i think id go with yasha. its the diminutive of jay so like. if we friends i want to be yasha x#but also realising how much i want to have autonomy over my name came from picking a name in 2021 for practise in chinese#and my friend helping me decide between something that sounds similar (林植 cos the first character kinda sounds like my eng surname) and a#more literal translation where i was like the translation of jay is 松鸦 i could use that haha and she went but the 鸦 character is awful#you could be 松雅! its then a pun and makes me sound fancy. and i was so happy just making choices and getting to like#pick my own name that peoplw could use. really a revelation. anyway i was kinda on hold for a bit living at home but now im freer hearing#her go on that 'jays choice of name is so hard on me' rant really made me..... start thinking and reminiscing about my name. and me. u know#jay wasnt even my choice its just my initials that i started going by as like. plausible deniability that i wanted to change my name#i remember thinking more about it when i was younger and deciding against other names Specifically because it would be easier to go#'its just my initials!' yeah. im 25 is it too late to change names#sorry for long rambly disjointed rant. hope this was enlightening if u made it this far
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guitarnacle · 2 days
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not to be a nostalgic party pooper but modern belle and sebastian dont hit the same for me :( they sound so much more crowded and busy than the 90s-2010s songs, i really liked listening to songs about some character stuart murdoch made up with the most haunting isolated woodwinds and brass youve ever heard or their more upbeat ones that mingled groove and jazz and indie and folk guitar. i think its cool theyre integrating pop but i wish they were doing it in a way that sounded good and didnt sacrifice that meoldic style. like listen to what happened to you, son? 2024 and then tell me it's as good as piazza new york catcher 2003 or wandering days 1996. anyway this is just my opinion etc i know nothing about music
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 month
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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scarletcomet · 1 month
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guess whose therapist thinks she could benefit from inpatient treatment
#got really depressed and a bit suicidal during my session today#im not actively suicidal rn but i feel so hopeless and i just want to give up resulting in some suicidal thoughts#the thoughts of hurting myself are getting louder and more overwhelming#so im not at a point rn where i think i need inpatient but im worried about getting worse#im going to nyc this weekend and seeing 2 shows and some of my favorite broadway actors but i do not feel excited#i want to feel excited but i just dont. i should be excited. if this doesn't make me feel something#then i doubt anything will.#reminds me of late may/early june when i wasnt excited for my birthday or the taylor swift concert because i did not want to live anymore#im worried that this is a warning sign. i feel like ive made so much progress with treatment in the last 10 months#but i feel like i haven't made enough progress and i feel like ive hit a wall and there's no improvement to be made#because I've tried like everything. i feel so hopeless. ive been in treatment for almost a year.#even inpatient i doubt would help me. like ive been there and done that. i spent nearly 20 days in inpatient last summer#only benefit would be seeing my doctor sooner but that's assuming i could even get a bed in the 11 person unit she works inpatient at#what benefit would seeing my doctor even do? we've tried almost everything and im on the max dose of most my meds#idk what to do#i feel like im running out of options. the only depression treatments i havent tried are ketamine and ect#i guess my options are ketamine ect suicide or continuing feeling how i feel now but i dont know how much longer i can live like this
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