#im already halfway done btw i just wanted to make this little post

[gaytwirights]

So a few months ago our class was grouped into two and each group had to make a musical. I was one of the planners/writers of my group's musical, and those guys are suddenly in my head again

Haha anyway what if I wrote and posted a short thing about one of the least likable characters I've ever had the pleasure of writing. Would that be cool or what

[gorgojijijijito]

im gonma make bride of discord relevant againt i sweer

anybody else remember bride of discord (and daughter of discord) by that disneyfanaticbunchofnumbers on youtube? yeah i freaking loved it as a kid. still do now honestly, it was honestly one of the cornerstones of my childhood and it's my favorite thing to listen to while i work. i call it my soap opera.

that being said 90% of the morals are AWFUL holy shit. i still appreciate it because it's heartwarming as a passion project and comparably more mature piece of fanwork considering the my little pony fandom at the time; but the toxicity between discord and fluttershy? the homophobic undertones in the sequel?? the treatment of rarity as a character??? THE APPLESPIKE??????

that shit has GOT to GO. so im writing a fix-it-fic for my own self indulgence lmao. i'll be posting my progress and some tidbits here, but i'm not even halfway done with transcripting the episodes and planning out my changes, so it'll be a long while before the final drafts are ready to post. when they are, they'll be posted on archive of our own, but until then, everyone and anyone is more than welcome to offer changes that they would like made, or factors of the story they'd like to be kept. theres no guarantees that they'll be included, but it's still so fun talking about this thing with other people, and it's always good to engage with others in this phase of the process. below is a list of major to minor notes i've already got in mind.

I want to keep the serious tone of the story. By far I think the thing that kept me attached to this series for so long is how the mood differs from so much of the fandom back then. the stakes in the beginning were legitimately high, the conflict took itself seriously, and the production quality was through the roof. this is the audiodrama's hallmark, it's iconic and must be kept in mind when contemplating changes.

Many smaller changes must be made to the Fluttercord plot in order to make it healthier and more natural: the infantilization of fluttershy, discord's overbearingness and harrassment, literally nearly all of episode 9. red flags. i think the biggest issue is that the character arcs are based more on shipping and tropes than the actual characters. there's nothing wrong with this in moderation, but in this case, the relationship is unbearably toxic. the arcs in the rewrite will be a lot more character-focused.

Instead of applejack and spike being the secondary romance, i'm going to make it applejack and rarity. yes i do ship rarijack, but this decision was primarily made in order to get two birds with one stone with applejack and rarity's depictions in the series and its sequel. free my girl rarity and leave my boy spike alone :(

Take pinkie pie more seriously as a character. this isn't just a problem with BOD but also the actual show FIM. she just gets annoying sometimes and her lack of depth really irked me in BOD.

GET RAINBOW DASH AWAYYYY FROM SOREN GET THAT OUT OF HERE

i feel like fluttershy's "tragic" backstory explaining her hesitance as being adored is kinda underwhelming. so is her insecurity, her insecurity not expanding beyond the "doesn't know she's beautiful" trope just rubs me the wrong way, she deserves more depth than that.

discord. discord. the relationship is so one-sided to discord that i think i can only name 2 things he legitimately done for fluttershy's happiness (both of which he lowkey ruined not a day later. most of their "bonding" scenes are just him trying to distract her from her tragic reality and her desires by doing stuff he wants to do, which btw is a manipulation tactic so GET THAT OUT OF HERE)

theres quite a few weird undertones and stereotypes. the pedo and "nice girl" stuff with applespike is the most obvious one, but theres also some lowkey misogynistic quips thrown in there and, although this might not have been an issue at the time, zecora does fit the "wise black woman" trope that's been pointed out many times in recent media, so i do need to adjust how she's portrayed.

another problem that FIM also commits, but rainbow dash just feels so mischaracterized as an element of loyalty at some points. i want to make her loyalty more prominent, to the point of putting her career on the line because she couldn't abandon fluttershy or her friends when they were breaking down. that would be real sweet.

i dont know if im also going to rewrite daughter of discord, i might consider it after im finished with this one, though. also i promise i write way better than i do here when i try lol

[baahsu]

HEYYY ITS ME MYSTERIOUS ANON WHO PROVIDED THE ESSAYS WORTH OF VSCEST SMUT CONTENT AND.

1. OTHER ANON, I SAW THAT TWITTER ART AND I *THINK* YOU'RE THE ARTIST AND JUST KNOW I ALMOST ACTUALLY CRIED (/POS) UPON SEEING IT. I DIDNT BUT I DID SCREAM INTO MY PILLOW FOR REAL THO WHEN I SAW THE YONJI ONE. I ACTUALLY GASPED IRL OUT OF JOY LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA

ahem. apologies for yelling!!! but 2. op please do NOT delete ur twitter post (unless You want to, ofc) of my writing!! it made me so very happy to see that you liked my stuff sm that you went thru the effort of putting it on another site- like that is SO heartwarming and kind tf?? 🥺💗❤💙🖤💚

BUT happy yelling aside, im here to do my job and provide more content for ye. of many flavors, actually!! but ill start w this one and then probably continue my insane vscest ramblings in other asks lmao. if you don't vibe with this Mashup of characters then feel free to ignore this :]] <3<3

so. tumblr user baashu. i saw that you were in a ronami mood on Bird App. so. hear me out, maybe. robin, nami, and reiju all have a sleepover (emphasis on the Sleep part, but no one other than those 3 has to know that ;]) on the sunny!! reijus visiting, as she does

and sanji, hearing about this so-called sleepover through the grapevine, decides he's going to be a good nakama and little brother and surprise them with their favorite snacks and drinks!! sleepovers are always better with good provisions, especially for ones that go all night long

however. sanji was not expecting to open that door (yes it was unlocked for plot purposes and he didnt knock because he had like 7 different plates in his hands let me HAVE this) and see his 3 favorite girls going down on one another.

that boys cigarette fell STRAIGHT out his mouth- a tiny noise escaping him as all 3 girls heads snapped to look at him. he was ready to bolt SO fast, throwing the food he made as gently as he could onto a nearby counter and saying sorry about 40 times per second. he wasnt even halfway out the door before an array of arms sprouting from the floor dragged his ass towards the bed

you KNOW those girls are (lovingly, teasingly) bullying him the whole time, calling him sweetly degredating names. yet they refused to do more than that- not allowing him to touch/participate and yet refusing to let him leave the room

nami calling him a pervert, talking about how for every minute he's in there he gets 5% more debt added to what he already owes her (reijus head was between her thighs as she said all this, btw). robins flirtatiously scolding him about bad manners, leaning over to run her fingers across his cheek and neck as namis head layed on her naked lap. and reijus mouth was too busy to comment, but every once in a while she let out a giggle of agreement when one of her other two partners said something that really made blood drip out of sanjis nose

and once pretty boy was all hot and heavy, the only reason he was locked in place being the disconnected arms restricting his movements? they all take their sweet, sweet time in pleasing him.

AND HES NOT FUCKING COMPLAINING LMAO. this idiot got not one, not two, but THREE hot women to dom him, somehow, by just showing up at the right time. he's taking everything they put him through in stride, whether that be sudden overstimulation or tortuously slow edging, he's loving All Of It

they go the rest of the night until the sun is halfway up, the only reason they let him go being because if they didnt, luffy would come barging in, asking when and why breakfast hadnt been made

and so sanji walks out with an exhausted sense of satisfaction, rumpled close, weak knees, and a dopey smile on his face as he thinks about what to make that day to thank his lovely ladies for this equally as lovely gift

...or i should say he *limps* out, actually. what. you think all of of those girls didn't peg that man until he was screaming???

HAHAH OKOK IM DONE IM DONE I HOPE THIS WAS ALRIGHT AND NOT OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE??? you says you ship allsan so. i hold this rarepair of mine up for you to look at with big eyes and shakey hands lmao

ANYWAYS i need to go write like. actual vscest now that i can post on ao3 someday. uh. see you oshdafafafafwy??? <3<3

AS SOON AS YOU PUT ROBIN NAMI AND REIJU IN THE SAME SENTENCE I KNEW THIS WOULD BE GOOD

THEY'RE LIKE THE OFFICIAL BULLYING SANJI SQUAD FOR ME! And sure reiju might go soft on him because reasons, but she has no problem teasing him and calling him sweet names. She can just let the harder stuff for robin and nami while she busies herself with their bodies instead

And imagining all of robin's arms and hands sprouting everywhere and completely pinning sanji down?? It's so good and so hot, so effortless for her and so effective. Not that sanji really needs to restrained, only look from nami and he'd be motionless, but it's just the fact that robin wants to do it and she knows sanji will melt and let them do whatever they want with him afterwards

I can totally picture nami playing hot and cold with him, one second praising him for being a good boy, on the other calling him a pervert, then saying he's so good to them, so attentive, then saying he's crossed a line and he should've knocked, such a bad, naughty boy that he is

Sanji's lucky he didn't need a blood transfusion after all that. But I mean, reiju was right there, he would've been fine and it would've been worth it

Also I just have to mention how sweet it was of sanji to think about getting them snacks 😭 I think he deserves all the praises just for that

[spookyboogie3]

The trope Last Minute Hookup shouldn’t be used for LGBTQ+ relationships.

AND DEFENDING MY LAST POST ABOUT THIS.

I DO NOT hate any of these pairings. A good many of them could have been handled differently by the creators, writers, and networks. But this isnt me hating the relationships or characters or shows. Just going off about how they shouldnt have been tacked on at the end of their respective series. 

As of writing this all of these shows have ended their original runs. Except for Supernatural which is on its last few episodes. And Supergirl, which announced its coming to end with season 6.

LGBTQ characters and relationships aren’t as common in the media as straight-cis characters and relationships. Sure things are improving but a lot of networks and writers still don’t fully understand why representation is important why they can’t keep using the same throwaway tropes they’ve been using for the straight-cis relationships.

You could name any piece of media and find and name one character that isn’t LGBTQ+, but you can’t do this with LGBTQ+ characters. We haven’t gotten to the point where they are as common as non-LGBTQ characters.

I have a whole paper I wrote on why asexual representation is important to have in the media and the same logic applies to any part of the LGBTQ+ or anything that falls under minority.

Back to the topic on hand. The trope of “Last Minute Hookup.”

Its exactly what it sounds like. Characters get to together at the very end of the story. These characters could have a on and off again relationship, lots of ship teasing, the classic “Will They or Wont They?” trope. What makes it different for non-LGBT characters in relationships to do this, we know what these relationships look like. Not to say the that both Non and LGBT relationship cant have similar struggles, however members of the LGBTQ+ community know how hard it is to feel like your identity and self matters and is normal.

I know that the whole “will they, wont they” thing is done for drama and networks and showrunners think if they give the fans what they want that they’ll start losing viewers and they have nothing to look forward to. Which is true to some degree. But most of this comes from the writers not knowing how to fucking write relationships.

Let’s just focus on whats it like to be in a non-straight relationship.

Heres an example: you have an action series, with 2 male leads and halfway through the show, they get together. Cool. Now you have a Battle Couple.

By making LGBTQ relationships happen at the end of a series that’s already had plenty of other non-LGBTQ relationships happen before it, it makes it look like the people in charge don’t care for it or were afraid of backlash. But it’s the end of the series so its not like they can get the show cancelled or anything. (The only people who are going to lash out at LGBT couple or characters are homophobic people, we don’t want them around any way so just make stuff super gay, so they’ll leave)

This is especially a problem when the writer and network have spent the whole series queerbaiting the audience with these characters.

 Side note for anyone is doesn’t actually know what queerbaiting is:

It’s a marketing technique used in entertainment, which the writer or creators hint at but then don’t actually depict sex-same romance or LGBTQ representation. They do this to attract (bait) the LGBT/queer or straight ally audience into the show with the suggestion of representation but at the same time avoiding this as not alienate other audience members *cough* (homophobes) *cough*

Definition is from Wikipedia, not a reliable source says my highschool teachers and college professors but fuck em

The Legend of Korra is a great example of Last-Minute Hookup. Korra and Asami had VERY little ship teasing, and that was in the last 2 books/seasons. Any thing that was perceived as romantic came from the fans wearing shipping goggles. So to a lot of people just casually watching, yes this looked like it came out of nowhere. Nickelodeon had some serious balls to say how brave they were for putting 2 girls into a romantic relationship.

Theres a few problems with this.

A. It never actually aired on TV (to my knowledge). The last 2 seasons of Korra were put on Nicks website.

B. The confirmation that this Korrasami was canon had to come from the creators on twitter because of how unclear it was.

C. The show did the bare minimum when it came to hooking them up in the series. They walk off holding hands (very cute btw). They didn’t even get a kiss. Aang and Katara had a Last Minute Hookup at the end of ATLA after 3 seasons of ship tease and THEY GOT A KISS. Hell the original end of LoK*, has Korra and Mako kissing. *(the first season, they didn’t know they were getting more seasons at the time, no matter what you hear the writers say, they’re full of shit)

D. Anything continuation of Korra has come in the form of comics, which her and Asami are in a fairly well written relationship. Yes, they do kiss. Yes it would’ve been great to see this stuff happen in series.

A show that handles this a little bit better is Adventure Time. Not by much though. It implied several times that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline have history together and its shown more and more in its last few seasons that there is some ship tease happening. However its not until the finale where they kiss, and they are shown in the last minute of the show cuddling together in Marcy’s house. HBO has picked up Adventure Time and has a miniseries called Adventure Time: Distant Lands, where Bubblegum and Marceline’s past relationship is shown.  

I had brought up in my original post about being upset with networks making LGBTQ+ relationships canon in the last season/episode. I originally had Catradora tagged. While Catra and Adora have history together, they did not become official couple until the end of the series.

Yes, I was wrong about the network making things canon in the last episode as they’ve always had ship tease with each other, and it probably was the writers’ intent to put them together by the end. They do technically fall under the Last-Minute Hookup, however.

I wanna talk about Once Upon a Time really quick. Fans of the show were hoping and wishing for an LGBTQ couple for the show as a lot of characters, especially Regina and Emma, have alot Ho Yay moments. The showrunners weren’t going to put those two together, for whatever reasons they may have for that (im indifferent on all the shipping going on with this show). The showrunners thought to put two characters together, and hoo boy did it not make people happy. The characters they put together are Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Ruby the red riding hood, which would be fine if they had properly been developed.

The entire episode they did this in was a mess. They stopped the current arc during the season 5 episode ‘Ruby Slippers,’ to go over the characters that haven’t been seen in years, Dorothy was introduced and last seen in season 3, and Ruby was introduced in season 1 and was last seen in season 5 before ‘Ruby Slippers’. The characters get together in the same episode the meet in and are never seen again. The characters barely interacted, barely got along, and showed little to no ship tease or interest in each other and BOOM they are in love and together aaaaaannnnndd they’re gone. Other than having One Million Moms, a Christian fundamentalist organization, protest against the show and want it taken off the air (yes this really happened). The fans weren’t please with this development of the characters either.  

(also Mulan was right there and already knew Ruby from a previous episode, and Mulan already is established to like girls as shown by her being in love with Aurora. Don’t know why the writers didn’t just put these 2 together but whatever I guess)

So they tried again in season 7 with MadArcher. The characters of Alice, a version of Alice in Wonderland from another realm (its complicated) and Robin, the daughter of Robin Hood and the Wicked Witch (it’s also complicated). And the writers did a lot better here. Both characters were allowed to have time together and have a history together too and it was done over the whole season. Not just one episode.

Now even though the writers decided to do something different with the last season and it could be detached from the previous 6 seasons, MadArcher is not really a Last Minute Hookup per say but still falls under my thing about it being the last season so who gives a fuck if One Million Moms gets mad us and tries to get us cancelled again.

 I would like to say I have never watched a single episode of Supernatural in my life. I may one day. But as of right now my knowledge of it is coming primary from what ive seen on tumblr. You know a great source for doing research and looking for reliable information among the piles of shitposting.

From what I know from fans, the writers of Supernatural have been queer baiting for years. I mean it’s the CW, I’m not that surprised. What also wouldn’t surprise me, that by the end of the series Castiel is back and he and Dean actually start and relationship or strongly hint at starting one. I actually fear for the writer lives if they threw out a confession scene after years of queerbaiting and potential ship tease (debatable) and they don’t put them together. Fans are going to be angrier than they probably ever have been with this show and the showrunners and writers really would be known for queer baiting.

From what I know about how previous shows have done and if anyone that has ever worked on this show wants to continue living, Castiel will be back from Super Hell (is that what yall are calling it?) and he will get together with Dean. And they will fall under the Last-Minute Hookup trope and my networks make LGBTQ relationships canon last season.

 One last show I want to talk about is Supergirl, which in has been recently announced that the 6th season will be the last. The show started on CBS but moved to the CW after the end of season 1. So more CW bullshit. There is no confirmation about whether the CW or any of the Supergirl writers are planning to do this, its all speculation. Supergirl is more LGBTQ friendly than some other shows on the Network. One of the main characters came out a few years ago and had a girlfriend a season and has had plenty of hookups with other ladies around the Arrowverse. They even introduced a trans-woman superhero in the form of Dreamer.

Let’s talk SuperCorp. Lena Luthor was introduced in the 2nd season and has been a major character in Kara’s life ever since her introduction. Even if she isn’t involved in the plot, Kara always goes to her to talk and check in on her and worry about her. They are best friends. Since the 2 have met, there has been plenty of Les Yay going on. The writers seem to be aware of the fans wanting SuperCorp to be canon and they keep throwing in moments like Kara and Lena struggling together or Kara carrying Lena bridal style.

Why I bring this up after the announcement of Supergirl’s final season to start next year. We may get SuperCorp. Kara has a relationship with William in the show and not a single person likes this relationship. The writers may scrap it and get put Kara and Lena together for the final season. This is a big maybe though. The Supergirl writers and crew get called out a lot for queerbaiting.

   Let me know if you guys have any other examples of last season/last episode LGBTQ+ hookup.

And please let me know if you see any mistakes. This was all done in one sitting so I may have some things wrong.

Also check out the video by @aretheygayvideos on this topic too.

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[baragakiscans]

Firstly, sorry for losing the post to your ask! Tumblr shitty UI stuff happened and I accidentally deleted the draft TvT (they should make an option for asks to reappear if the draft answer got deleted or sth smh)

Secondly, IM SO SORRY FOR THE EXTREMELY LONG POST AAAAA

I tried to keep the explanations short like I did for Saraba (even that was pretty long) but then the more I tried the longer it became, and in the end what was supposed to be my take on like 2 pages of this book became this extremely long in-depth analysis of the entire book  _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_  But I mean, I’ve agonised over the translations for this book for almost half a year and I have Lots of Feelings about it because GOD I LOVE THIS BOOK

Anyway, Makkura is another one of those books with a lot of hidden layers that can be unpacked from the story with multiple rereads. Unlike Saraba where some things were intentionally left open to interpretation (I think), though, this book is slightly more straightforward, and I’d like to offer my take on the story.

Long post and Makkura spoilers below the cut!

At the beginning of the story, Gintoki and Hijikata were already dating (secretly-but-not-so-secretly). They’ve clearly been dating for a while now; Hijikata coming over to Gintoki’s place to stay the night (though he’d usually be gone by morning), mayonnaise in the Yorozuya fridge, etc… Though their displays of affection were rather subdued, to the onlooker (and everyone else around them) these two idiots were so obviously crazy in love with each other 💕💕 However, there is something that seems a little… off about their relationship, and this something would have continued lurking in the shadows…

The beginning of the end…?

…Had Gintoki not lost all of his memories of his relationship with Hijikata. Gone was the man who would become agitated at the mere thought of his beloved going into danger; the man before Hijikata now barely knew him, and the thought of dating the Demon Vice Commander would never have crossed his mind.

Imagine waking up to find out that your boyfriend has forgotten all about his relationship with you and makes THIS face at the mere thought of shacking up with you

What Hijikata did next may seem illogical at first (and don’t get me wrong, it really is), but it makes a bit more sense once you realise what exactly was off about their relationship.

You see, Hijikata didn’t think that he was good enough for Gintoki.

If you’re familiar with Syaku’s works, you may have noticed a particular trope being rather common: Hijikata and/or Gintoki falling in love with the other, yet not taking the step forward because they were afraid of getting in the way of the other’s creed—to protect.

Looks familiar? ;)

In Makkura, they did manage to take that step forward (regardless of who made that step first), but even so, there’s always been a niggling doubt somewhere in the back of Hijikata’s mind that maybe—just maybe—Gintoki would be better off without him. Hijikata would do everything in his power to protect the Shinsengumi, and he knows that Gintoki would do the same to protect those he holds dear. It just didn’t occur to him that he was one of them, too. Instead, he was afraid of Gintoki straying from his path because of him.

Gintoki losing his memories was like a wake-up call to Hijikata, that his relationship with Gintoki was too good to be true—and if it will all come to an end eventually anyway, then he should be the one to pull the plug first, especially since the perfect opportunity to reset everything to a clean state has presented itself. He pretended that nothing happened between the two of them. He told Gintoki to “Forget about all this. Everything.” He tried to convince himself that he should make a clean break and completely remove himself from Gintoki’s life, and be content with merely watching from afar.

Maybe Hijikata thought that since he and Gintoki never confirmed their relationship, the people around them will just shrug it off, or won’t notice the change in behaviour. But needless to say, everyone around them immediately noticed that something was wrong. And they even had Hijikata’s inner thoughts all figured out.

The Shinsengumi members know their vice commander too well XD

Even Gintoki himself had managed to put two and two together, but he just couldn’t figure out why he fell in love with the man with whom he always fights like cats and dogs. And since Hijikata himself was so adamant on nothing happening, all he could do was watch as the man-who-is-apparently-his-lover-but-he-somehow-forgot told him to stay out of his way. That’s why, it’s up to everyone else to restore Gintoki’s memories and get these two idiots back together.

While the Yorozuya kids were scrambling to find the antidote, Hijikata opted to go down the slippery slope of self-abandonment by meeting the pervert Bakufu official despite knowing full well what might happen to him. He thought it was all for the sake of the Shinsengumi, but seeing Gintoki down the hallway jolted him back to his senses and made him realise just how wrong he was. He realised the reason why he was actually doing this—to see if Gintoki would come to his aid, to see if Gintoki was still the man he knows and love. He realised that he doesn’t want to give his body to anyone anymore—anyone else, that is. He realised just how truly madly deeply in love he was with Gintoki.

What indeed…

By the time he realised this, though, it already seemed too late; it didn’t seem like Gintoki was going to save him. So, he resolved to keep his memories of Gintoki as a happy dream, and was ready to succumb to despair—when Gintoki finally comes to the rescue! (Not sure if Yamazaki didn’t press the button on purpose here) Of course, Gintoki was pissed off that Hijikata would do something this reckless. So he told Hijikata, “You should treasure yourself more…” (BTW, the original Japanese really only had “You should _______ more…”, I had to fill in the blanks) That’s when Hijikata realised that he was right all along; Gintoki hasn’t changed, even without Hijikata’s memories. And that’s all he needed to know.

And over in this exhibit we have the exact moment when Gintoki fell in love all over again

Right when Gintoki was about to profess his love say something to Hijikata, the kids finally arrive with the antidote! And Sougo even figured out that Gintoki doesn’t really need the antidote anymore since he’s in back in love with Hijikata XD But of course Gintoki wants to remember. Of course he wants to remember all about his time together with the man he now knows he loves. He drinks the antidote—

Ohhhh boy shit’s about to go DOWN

—And we arrive at the emotional climax of the story. Gintoki’s furious—Of course he would be; his lover just tried to erase himself from his life, thinking that it was for his sake! Gintoki thought that Hijikata had underestimated him—in a way, he’s right; Hijikata had underestimated just how much Gintoki needs him. He knew that Gintoki loves him, but he also thought that Gintoki should forsake him for the sake of those he wants to protect.

That’s why Gintoki let Hijikata know just how much he means to him. He has already come to know all of him, so he can’t ever bring himself to let him go. That’s when Hijikata started to realise that he was wrong about Gintoki, and wrong about himself. He meant much more to Gintoki than he ever thought he did.

This led to the one exchange that I wrote out this entire analysis for—

Did I really write 1800 words just for this? Yes. Yes I did.

If Hijikata really meant so much to him, then does that mean Gintoki would have tried to erase himself from Hijikata’s world for his sake, too? Gintoki doesn’t think so, but that’s after everything that has happened so far. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do it if their positions really were reversed at the beginning of the story? They both know that, because they both hold on so dearly to the same beliefs, the same pride.

That led to Gintoki throwing the question back at Hijikata—does that mean Hijikata would fall in love with Gintoki again even without his memories, just like Gintoki did? In asking this, Gintoki was telling Hijikata that, even if he were to do the same, deep down, he would still want Hijikata to fall in love with him again. And that’s when Hijikata realised—it was the same for him, too.

At that point, the two of them came to the same conclusion—neither of them can live without the other anymore. Yet, even if their positions were reversed, they would still have done the same. And even if that were to happen, they would still arrive at this same conclusion. They both love the other too much to let go; yet, they both love the other so much that they’d be willing to let go. Now that they both know this, their bond has become truly unbreakable.

Hijikata’s reply was therefore an affirmation—

“Even so, you’d have done the same. Even so, I’ll still fall in love with you.”

That’s just the way both of them are.

And so, at the end of the story, we now have Gintoki who wants Hijikata to know just how much he loves him (maybe becoming more possessive in the process?), and Hijikata who now knows just how much Gintoki loves him, and has come to forgive himself for loving him. Their relationship is one full of contradictions, yet no matter what happens, they will both find their way back to the place where they belong—in (or should I say on?) each other’s arms.

Look at the how much love there is in Hijikata’s eyes just LOOK AT IT AAAAA

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Makkura is one of my top Ginhiji doujins of all time! I really really hope that my translation managed to do it justice, and I hope my ramblings were coherent enough TvT 

If you’ve managed to read this far, do give Makkura a reread and you just might see it in a different light ;) Of course, my interpretation might be different from what Syaku intended to present, so feel free to come up with your own interpretations as well!

Also, halfway through writing this I found an analysis by @mugimarumaru over in the MRM comments section, so do check it out as well :>

Thank you for coming to my TED talk and hope you have a nice day~

(I wish I’d put in this much effort in my college essays)

- JJ

(P.S. The REAL question here: if their roles were reversed would that make it a Hijigin book 🤔🤔🤔)

[softpine]

hi so i dont want to start anything but since it was brought up again what you said about danny being straight and incidentally gay has been bothering me since you first mentioned it ): someone having the potential to be attracted to same and other genders is the literal definition of bisexuality and labeling him as straight feels like erasure but then calling him “incidentally gay” feels even more disrespectful? idk i didnt want to bring this up while youre already stressed but im hurt tbh ):

i feel like there might have been a little bit of miscommunication here, so i’m going to try to share my thoughts on it, but first i want to say: i’m so so sorry that i hurt you, my intentions have always been to portray bisexuality as accurately as possible (with caroline’s storyline in particular) and i want to do everything i can to make sure no one feels hurt by my story!! so after i’m done explaining, if there’s anything i can do to help, please let me know!

so first, i used the phrase “incidentally gay” because i was referring to the kinsey scale. it was an old scientific way to describe sexuality (on a range between 0 -- exclusively heterosexual, to 6 -- exclusively homosexual, i hate that word btw), based on a survey that you take yourself. a 1 on the scale, which is what i called danny, is “predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual”. that’s what i meant by “incidentally gay”, i didn’t mean to diminish bisexuality at all!! many people who would call themselves a 1 on the kinsey scale also call themselves bisexual, and i completely agree that that’s accurate!! but a lot of those people consider themselves straight too (in high school ap psychology we took the kinsey test privately, but we could share our answers if we wanted, and there were quite a few people who were either 1′s or 5′s that saw themselves as either straight or gay or bi, it just depends!! i hope that makes sense). anyway, i don’t even agree with the kinsey scale as an accurate “measurement” of sexuality, because i don’t think there’s any measurement on the planet that could be 100% accurate. sexuality is something really personal and different for everyone!! even people within one label may feel differently to each other. so i just want to put a little disclaimer that i’m not supporting the kinsey scale, i just used it as a quick way to get information across.

for danny in particular, i’ve tried to make it pretty clear that he sees himself as straight, not bisexual (ie: this post). he doesn’t have any kind of turmoil over it, he doesn’t even give it much thought, and he’s completely fine calling himself straight. like i said in this post, he doesn’t see himself dating anyone besides caroline, so he’s not even like.. fantasizing about other women, let alone other men. in my mind, i didn’t see this as bi erasure, because i’ve like.. been friends with real people who think about themselves this way. but i do understand that when writing a story, your characters automatically become representation of something, and i would hate to harm anyone by making any implications about bisexual people in general!

to finish this off, i want to say that i haven’t said all there is to be said about danny’s sexuality. we’re only like halfway done with the story yet, and i know i’ve already spoiled a lot of things in the plot, but there’s still a LOT that you guys don’t know about yet. it’s like when you’re reading an actual book, sometimes your opinions will change by the end, because new things happen that change the characters’ situations/thoughts/feelings. and since i’m posting this story one post at a time, there are a lot of things that you sort of have to withhold judgement for, until the time comes. saying that, in and of itself, is kind of a spoiler, but i think it needs to be said!

okay i’m so sorry for the essay, and i really want to apologize for hurting you. please please message me if there’s something more i can do right now!! would it help if i just changed his bio to say straight? or would that make it worse? :(

[franeridart]

Didn't they all take the practical exam at the same time in the manga?? I'm confused....

Yeah, they changed that part orz I’m really unhappy about that for a number of reasons, but I guess their reasoning was that they wanted the anime to end with the Baku Deku vs All Might fight and in the manga that’s, like, the second fight to be done with? And if they had kept the order the anime would have ended with Mineta and Sero, so… I guess I get why they went for this, but still. I can’t say I like it orz

Anon said:I’m sure you’re expecting this ask but kiribaku study date!! :3 I can’t believer Bakugou ACTUALLY tried to beat the learning into kirishima XD

Well, it’s beginning-of-the-story-Bakugou after all, what else could we even expect from him hahaha Kirishima passed the written part tho, so it must have worked!!

Anon said:Wait hold up you’ve got me interested now. So I’m like a little past halfway through soul eater and I haven’t started the manga YET (I totally will now that you’ve suggested it) but… When did tsubaki turn into a boy??

It doesn’t happen in the anime! It’s ch 72 to… 74? 75? They go somewhere where all the girls get turned into boys and vice versa for a while! (That’d be Soul, Maka, Blair, Black Star, Tsubaki, Liz, Patty, Kilik, Thunder and Fire) (Liz and Patty look especially amusing lmao)

Anon said:what do u think abt kats*deku???? If u dont ship them - why?

I’m pretty sure I gave an in depth answer to this question a couple of times already, but do you think I’ve been able to find it? (I haven’t) so to make a fast recap, I only like them as friends, nothing sexual and nothing romantic - I really, really, really want to see them become friends, but I can’t see the necessary chemistry for any other kind of relationship between them, right now

And that’s also why I don’t ship it? I just can’t see it working in a way such that both of them are as happy as they can be, and I only ship if I can see both characters being happy in the relationship - foundamentally Bakugou and Izuku are different on all the wrong things, a big part of the reason why they fight so much is that their ways of living are different, to make a space for each other in their lives big enough that they won’t step on each other’s toes every two steps they take they should change their core personalities a lot. 

And I’m not talking about Bakugou, specifically, I’m talking about both of them. I do know that the fandom likes to pick Bakugou and turn his personality inside-out to make him fit with Deku in such a way that Deku will be happy, but realistically that’s only gonna make Bakugou miserable. It’s true that most faults rest on Bakugou’s shoulders as far as their relationship goes, but Deku isn’t the sort of person fit to be with Bakugou either - and I can’t have Bakugou make a 180° on his personality, force himself to be someone he’s not, just to accomodate Deku. I like Bakugou as he is, and I want to see him grow up while growing into himself. And while I do prefer Bakugou as a character, I happen to like Deku as he is very much as well, I don’t want him to turn into another person just to accomodate Bakugou’s personality either

So this turns into “either I change these two characters to make them fit together, or I let them be just friends and actually find characters that do fit with them as they are already”, and personally, I’m always gonna go for the second option. I mean, why would I want to ship them when I can ship bakushima t b h

Of course you’re free to ship it if to you the chemistry is more obvious than it is to me! It’s just not my cup of tea at all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anon said:Could I possibly see a comic with Kirishima being tied between Ashido and Bakugo??? I thought it’d be cute since some people *cough cough* me *cough* may or may not be tied between Kirimina and Bakushima. :3

I………….. can’t do that, sorry orz triangles aren’t my thing at all. It’s either the polyship or bakushima, triangles get on my nerves more than any other plot device does to be completely honest with you. Triangles are the bane of my existence

Anon said: Hi there! I just wanted to say I’ve been scrolling through all your Bakushima art for ages and it’s healed me :,) fr tho i lov how you portray them and their dynamic and you have a lovely art style! Thank you for blessing us ahah

AHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD!!!!! (●´□`)♡

Anon said:hey there! just wanted to drop by and let you know that I find your art super inspiring? like i am IN LOVE with your art style, and I absolutely adore it. i love how the characters you draw have perfect expressions, i love how natural their poses look and i love how you portray characters friendships + relationships in comics it feels completely natural. even if im not into the stuff you draw, i love looking at it because its so great?? keep being wonderful because you deserve good things ^u^

Holy shit thank you??? I honest to god don’t know how to answer this??? means a lot??? fuck thank you I might go and cry for a bit ( •̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥ )

Anon said:Hey your art of sero carry bakugou give me life honestly good posts all around

Thank you!!!! :O Sero carrying Bakugou is something I myself need more of in my life tbh hahaha what a good concept I should draw more

Anon said:your latest bakugou I’m crying… he’s gorgeous and Buff and strong and could highkey bench press me I’m swooning

GLAD YOU LIKED HIM!!!!! :O you guys actually liked that one WAY more than I thought anyone would holy smokes!!

Anon said:Umm… I hope you don’t mind, but I showed a friend so e of your work, and I think it got you a new follower lol they really liked what I showed, and when I told them you do Kaminari, too, that was that. Can’t talk fave artists, without you 💜✌

:O !!!!!!!!!!!! why would I mind omfg, thank you so much!!!!!

Anon said:Okay, now I’ve been through your account since 2 hours ago, i can say I’m officially Bakushimanari trash. Omg i had never seen something as good as what you did to these three. (Btw sorry if my english’s not very good, but i had to say this)

!!!! Happy you liked them!!!!! They’re a good group, those three (灬ºωº灬)♡

Anon said: Yesterday was a shitty day, but today I woke up and saw your art, and stalked your blog, so I feel today will be a much better day. Happy boys are good. Never stop making happy boys happy.

I hope your day was actually a great one, anon!! And I hope today was great for you as well!!! And thank you so much for liking my stuff, happy boys are indeed my greatest weakness and favorite subject to draw haha happy boys and girls and nb and anything else too, really, happy people are good for my soul~

Anon said:Someone doesn’t know Soul Eater?! Now I feel old (・・;)

Haha, well it’s not really about being old/young as much as it’s about how long one’s been into anime/how far back they go when they decide to watch something new~ Soul Eater hasn’t had an active fandom for ages now, after all!

[jeonjeonyourwayhere]

Youtuber!BTS AU (1 of 7) - Taehyung

So i wanted to start writing more but i’m going through a weird writer’s block

like i cant really write in proper paragraphs but ideas are filling my head constantly

but point form works great

also, i really wanted to make moodboards more because they’re loads of fun heh

anyway so here goes

Taehyung would be a very independent content creator like he doesn’t give a shit about the trends on social media and refuses to cave into popular demands

he only does what HE WANTS like strictly, he needs to enjoy the content he puts out

he once tried doing a challenge video like maybe the smoothie challenge

(i really like that challenge btw it’s funny heh)

but as he was filming it he just wasn't feeling it

so that’s how he ended up dragging Yoongi into filming the video with him and like changing it up making it more intense (or gross)

Yoongi hates him for it of course

not for long because tae is his baby and a younger brother he could never stay angry at for long but we’ll know more about yoongi in another post

Taehyung starts off his youtube channel with challenge videos but eventually deviates from it after he realizes his passion for prank videos (and occasionally gaming videos with Jungkook)

with the occasional aesthetic vlogs when he takes his periodic trips with Jungkook

Jungkook likes dragging him to Japan because that’s the heart and soul of Anime and Jungkook could never resist

but that’s also a story for another day

So Tae does daily vlogs during those trips and those videos would have transitions so damn smooth like a baby’s bottom and the scenery would be so beautiful especially with the filters he would use

Taehyung actually has a very good eye for matching color schemes and aesthetics

He also has pretty good luck with seasons as Jungkook tends to bring him to Japan when each season was at it’s peak

but he doesn't do those videos often because the inner perfectionist would chide him constantly and he’d end up abandoning the project because he just! cant! do! it! justice!

so sometimes his viewers end up a little confused with his posts because one day it could be

STUFFED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS DOWN MY PANTS!!! *not clickbait*

and the next week would be “Travelogue Day 01: Cherry Blossoms!”

But his content is always 300%

and he also refuses to create separate channels to separate his prank content and aesthetic content

“i’m too lazy ok i don’t want to keep logging in and out of both accounts”

(same tae same)

so one day he’s out filming a prank video with Jimin where he goes up to random strangers and asks them for directions or sth

and Jimin comes up from behind carrying a packet of fake (but pretty realistic) knives

and oh! accidentally bumps and drops the knives on taehyung’s wrists

and BLOOD OH THE GORE but really it’s raspberry puree

you were his 4th target of the day and he’d come up randomly to you asking you for directions to the subway station

and you’d seen Jimin coming towards you both looking all casual like he’d just done shopping

and as Jimin “trips” and empties his knives on Taehyung

You pushed Taehyung away and screamed as your hands went out reflexively to grab the knives

but WOW! MAGIC! the knives weren’t real

Jimin was left shook

And Taehyung wasn’t sure how a stranger he’d just met would push him away from danger and risk themselves instead

So you were left there for a second, kinda confused as to why you weren’t bleeding the fuck out until Taehyung comes up to you and is like

hey there!!! are you ok!!!

i was doing a prank video and I'm a youtuber

but you’re really cool!!!!!

like how the heck would u just push me aside and do that???

Then you snap out of it and you’re like IM OKAY IM FINE IM NOT BLEEDING

and honestly Tae finds you the most adorable thing eVER

and you look at his face properly for the first time and you’re like fUCK bOi hE’s cUtE

like really fucking cute

but you also recognize him after like 10 seconds of staring straight at his face

and you’re like HEY UR TAEHYUNG

and he’s like YEA DAS ME

Jimin this whole time is just staring between both of you like whAT

then Tae goes on to ask you if it were okay for him to leave the clip of you in his video like what you did was super cool and he really wanted to keep it in

you were a blushing and fumbling over yourself and like yE IM COOL

and he just hugs you once and grins his boxy smile and goes on his way while pulling Jimin away with him

you pull yourself together and go on your own way too

but i mean

you were a tad bit OK A LOT BIT sad that you couldn’t get to talk to him more or sth

but oh well what could you do right? pretty boy probably has a country of girls after his ass

on the other hand, as Tae is re-looking through the footage back at his place in his swivel chair and chewing on marshmallows

jimin stares

“what?”

“tae…did you just what me?”

“um…yeah”

“DID YOU NOT SEE THE WAY THAT GIRL SAVED YOUR ASS i mean it was fake knives but”

“She was amazing like yO i’ve never seen such a quick reflex and she was really pretty and-“

“and you didn’t get her name or number or anythin-”

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT”

so Tae goes on a little panic spree and he like totally regrets just skipping over talking to you and stuff

like he was so ecstatic over the fact that someone actually reacted completely differently during his pranks and like he wanted to edit the video you know

like pronto

“needa put out that quality content in 0.5!!!”

so he starts pacing in his apartment and he’s like wHAT DO I DO

Jimin kinda slaps him over the forehead and is like brO YOU HAVE FOOTAGE JUST USE IT

Tae kinda realises how much of an idiot he is and gets to work immediately

6 hours later and it’s like 2am and his editing table is filled with caffeinated products and his hair is in a mess that kinda defied gravity and was pointed all upwards

his eyes were bloodshot from staring at the screen constantly but he was ay okay!!!

because he finally completed the video and he was gonna find you!!!!!

so how does he actually find you? he doesn't

you kinda find him

one day you wake up and your best friend was blowing up your phone

so you shift your way out of your blanket burrito and rub your eyes clear and all you see is 21038364213 links to the same damn video on youtube

like

BITCH

WAKE UP

AKLDNIUABSK

WAKE THE FUCK UP

PRETTY BOI IS LOOKING FOR YOUR ASS

LINK

LINK

LINK

yeah you get the point

so you’re like half asleep and all hazy in the head after studying the whole night away

you finally come online and your friend is like “FINALLY BITCH” and you ignore her and proceed to click on the link and it redirects you to youtube

and WEW it’s a certain someone’s channel!!!

Video Title: SOMEONE SAVED MY LIFE!!!!

of course, taehyung would use those obnoxious titles

so you’re like ok go on and you press play

and his intro song plays and it goes right into the prank video where he introduces what he’s going to do and what’s gonna happen

then right after the 3rd person’s reaction, the screen blanks

you blink once

and pretty boy’s face pops up on screen!!!!!

“Hey guys!! So like what you’re about to see is pretty damn amazing and this girl right in that video, I kinda need help to find her”

“So please, like PLEASE start blowing up her phone if you happen to know her and let her know that I’m looking for her!”

“If you’re the person I’m looking for then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come contact me on any social media you want, I’m not picky!!”

He grins once more and it goes right back into the prank reactions and wew there’s you!!!

You’re rubbing your eyes more violently this time and you see the footage of taehyung approaching you and jimin comes from behind

then there’s your heroic act of protecting the boy who was still a stranger to you at that point in time

the screen shifts back and taehyung appears once more

“this girl was SO amazing like yO her reflexes!!!!! Keep an eye out for this girl and blow her phone up if you find her for me! Stay cool and peace out!”

Then he does his signature V sign with his fingers and his outro plays

you almost drop your phone but immediately snatch it back and go straight to dialing your friend’s number

it was an emergency and you needed immediate consultation on how to approach the situation at hand like HOW DO YOU CONTACT HIM? WHERE DO YOU CONTACT HIM? WHAT DO YOU SAY?

“CUT IT OUT, JUST SLIDE STRAIGHT INTO HIS DMS”

you do end up heading onto twitter, searching up his account and hesitantly clicking on the message button

you start typing a bunch of greeting messages but backspace is your best friend and you don't know how to start

“hey! it’s me!” NOPE

“greetings taehyung” NOPE

“it is I! Y/N!” Hell to the fucking no

so you end up just going with “boo”

and it’s almost an instantaneous reply where he goes “IS THIS YOU”

and you go “ye”

“DIS YOU?”

“ye dis me”

Taehyung swtiches to your profile in the meantime and ignores all the mentions he’s getting from his viewers (they all link you to him btw like jesus tae your followers are great stalkers)

he looks at your profile picture and it’s definitely you in an oversized grey hoodie with totoro ears and you’re absolutely snuggable

so you guys eventually meet up at a cafe that happens to be round the corner down your block and he’s already there legs crossed on his chair

you both happen to wear oversized hoodies and you both looked absolutely adorable and comfy

he buys you a drink and you both end up chatting for hours getting all jittery from cups of coffee and it starts raining and it gets all cold and it’s just gREAT

you guys continue texting for the next couple of weeks and y'all head to more cafes to hit up that caffeine

then one night Taehyung just NEEDS you to come over to his place and this sounds too quick but don't jump all ahead and hear me out

he calls you while you’re like halfway through one of his random videos

“how would you feel about playing a round of mario kart with me? your defeat shall go straight up onto my youtube channel for all to watch”

“prepare your ass for your own defeat”

“HOOOO you’re gonna regret that”

So you throw on some clothes that are somewhat presentable but still screaming “i cant be bothered”

he invites you in immediately and you guys charge straight towards the tv and grab your controllers and it’s really natural like you’ve been talking for maybe 2 months and you’re really comfy around each other and it’s great

you do end up beating his ass in mario kart

tho he gets back at you in the next round

He did film the entire night so you weren’t surprised that his workaholic ass churned out a 20 minute long video in just 5 hours of editing

“you need to cut down on caffeine tae”

“yes indeed i do”

he posted the video that night and when you woke up the next day, you were honestly expecting death threats from his fans

yes there were a few, like this world isn’t that nice sweetie

but what surprised you was the sudden surge of shippers that flocked to both your social media and tae’s

(not that you were unhappy, it was quite the opposite in fact)

they started labelling you as TAEBAE

because yknow

Tae’s Bae

Then that morning, you receive a message from Tae

“TAEBAE, HOW DOES A TRIP TO THE ZOO SOUND?????”

“Tae????”

“YES”

“What’s with the taebae”

“DAT YOUUUUUU and i’m almost outside your place so you’re coming to the zoo whether you like it or not”

“wHAT”

your first date ends up to be at the zoo and at that point you weren’t even aware that it was a first date like tae is a little fast-paced but you catch up real quick

you guys are terrible at planning so once you get there

you buy hotdogs and slushies and head towards the animal enclosure in a zigzag fashion across the entire zoo

one moment you’re watching the lions lie on their bellies and the next moment tae is giggling over butterflies landing on your head as you walk through the butterfly enclosure

dont forget that tae vlogs the entire day on his gopro

halfway through the day, tae finally grabs a map and finds out that there’s one last animal show and you both race towards it

only to get front seats at the aquatic animal performance

“TAE I ONLY HAVE THIS SET OF CLOTHES”

“SO DO I HEHEHEHHEHHEHEEHHEHE”

you guys get swamped with water but you both cheer at the seal’s performance because it’s a seal and it’s beautiful!!!!!!!!!

But it’s honestly the best date you’ve ever had considering your history with guys like not many of them even knew basic respect

you guys continue running the entire day making it to every enclosure and re-naming every animal

like the lion is richard, tiger is damien, giraffe is steve and ur fave was felicia the butterfly

at the end of it all, your legs were falling off and tae was practically dragging you back out the exit

you and tae end up going to the nearest drive-through and getting burgers before parking at the nearest outdoor carpark and just camping in the car and chilling with food

tae definitely drags you for getting the typical cheeseburger but you stand by your choices in life

it gets a little late and it’s around midnight already but you never want the day to end but you still don’t really know what you are to tae

“Tae, what’s going on?”

“What are you yapping about”

“Like, seriously, what are we?”

Tae goes on an entire monologue about how he was sure he’d hear this question sooner or later and he hops out of the car and rounds to the back and opens the trunk

the car wobbles a little as he grabs whatever he needs from the back and makes his way back to the driver’s seat again

he knocks on the window and gestures for you to head out to the back with him which you follow with the raise of an eyebrow

he gestures to the trunk and when you get back there you kinda just gasp like really loudly and stare at the box that sits right in the middle of the trunk and you don't know what to do

“go on, go grab it”

you freeze once more before going for it and touching the smooth surface

you’d recognize it anywhere

it was the latest nintendo wii and you knew it cost a bomb

“but wHY”

“because my girl needs to train up on mario kart so we can trash Jin at it”

“g-g-girl?”

“hell yeah baby”

and you leap into his arms

not because he got you a new game console with a pile of mario games

but because you really loved the boy in your arms

it didn't take long for him to creep into your heart and he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon :-)

AND IM DONE

[arituzz]

nineteen firsts and one last

-SNOWBAZ-

Summary: It’s Simon’s nineteenth birthday. He’s not expecting anything unusual, just some messages from his tumblr friends. But Baz has different plans.

Word count: 3.7k

Rating: T

Tags: tumblr au, friends to lovers, distant relationship, first meeting

Ari: This is just an edit from last year’s fic, because I didn’t like the format. Happy 20th birthday, Simon ♡

SIMON

I wake up to the doorbell ringing. I look at the clock. 5:59 am. Fuck. Who could it be at this unholy hour? Probably my father, coming back home drunk after a night of partying. Damn, why didn’t he stay in the hotel, as usual?

The doorbell rings again. “I’m fucking coming, dad!” I yell.

I put on some clothes and go to the door. I open it, ready to scowl at my father but, instead, there’s a delivery girl looking at me through her pointy glasses.

“Good morning,” she says. “A packet for Simon Snow.”

“Uhm… that’s me,” I tell her, a little bewildered.

She gives me the packet and makes me sign a paper. I tell her thanks and make to go back inside. “Wait,” I shout before she leaves. “Next time, could you come, I don’t know, in the afternoon? When I’m not sleeping?”

“Sorry, the sender wrote specific instructions to deliver this on 21st June at precisely 5:59 am. He even paid an extra and called the company to make sure we followed the instructions. Sounded rather bitter. I wouldn’t risk my job,” she explains. Ha. Like dying her hair blue wouldn’t risk it. Though, I have to say it looks awesome on her dark skin.

“Oh, in that case… Thanks. Have a nice day,” I wish her.

“See you later!”

I close the door and go to the living room, to open the packet. It’s a basket full of fresh-baked cherry scones and some blocks of butter. There’s a card with a note. It reads:

Some like it hot (page 38)

5:59 am - First breakfast to your door

I’d bring it to your bed if I were there

Baz

(Gampire Chaz to my Craigon Rain)

Oh my God. Baz. Right, it’s my birthday. It’s nice of him that he remembered. Baz is my best friend on tumblr. Well, he is my best friend, period. Although I’ve never met him in person, I feel like we’ve known each other for years. And to think that we used to be at each other’s throats!

When I first read the book A Charmed Life, I became hugely obsessed with its characters—i.e. the protagonist, a half-dragon named Craigon Rain—so I created a tumblr blog to obsess about them. At that time, there were very few people in the fandom: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain (Baz), rainchaz61 (Penny), tape-exists-and-im-glad-for-it (Agatha), trixiethelesbianpixie (Trixie), gampirhys (Rhys), so-noted-rainchaz (Niall), and craigonsnowrain (me). And we were like a little family.

But I hated Baz. And he hated me. We would make stupid competitions to see who had the most notes on their posts. I finally gave up because the fucker draws the most brilliant fanart. So I decided to befriend him and make some projects together.

A smile draws in my face as I eat the delicious over-buttered cherry scones. Just the way I like them.

I grab my cellphone to send a thank you message to Baz.

When I’m done with breakfast, I scroll down my dash on tumblr. No happy birthday message. Well, it’s still early. Not for Baz, though, he lives in England, so it must be the afternoon already.

I decide to watch TV for a while—I have nothing planned for today. The fact is that I don’t really have any friends in real life. I don’t know many people here in Nebraska, and the ones I know are complete idiots. So my plan is to stay in all day and read a freaking lot of Rainchaz fanfiction.

After a while, I turn off the TV and go to tumblr on my laptop. Oh, one notification: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain mentioned you in a post.

I open the link and it’s a beautiful doodle of me and Baz, fighting a chimera—as in one of the book’s scenes. I’ve posted some pics of me before, so he has references. The post says:

“Do it. Fucking unleash. Now.” (page 5)

First doodle of you (and me)

Baz

I hit reblog and add:

“I can’t. It doesn’t work like that.”

BTW it’s fucking WONDERFUL!! tysm <3

I’m reading a smutty Rainchaz fic when the doorbell rings again. It’s not that I’m gay, I just love the characters so much. And the smut is great, I love it. The authors in this fandom are just brilliant.

I look at the clock. 7:59 am. It’s still too early for dad to come and I’m not expecting anyone. (Ever.)

I open the door and the same delivery girl brings another packet, this time smaller.

She smiles at me and says, “You know the procedure.” I sign the paper and she leaves with a “See you later!”

“Later,” I reply.

I go back into the apartment and open the packet. It’s a book. The book. A Charmed Life. I go to the first page and, holy shit, it’s signed by the author! It’s so difficult to get a signed copy, I’ve been trying for months, but the author is not very sociable. She wrote:

To Simon Snow,

May you fight your own battles and forge your own wings.

Cather Avery

Wow. It’s perfect.

There is also a card with a note that reads:

“It’s the good things that’ll drive you mad with missing them.” (page 11)

First signed copy of your favourite book.

(I miss you even though I’ve never met you)

Baz

Jesus Christ. This is the best birthday present of my life. I take a picture of it to post it on tumblr and add: @gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain I wish you were here so I could hug you into oblivion! Thank you, best b-day present ever <3

I grab my old copy of A Charmed Life—don’t want to ruin this one—and start running through its pages. With all these gifts I feel like re-reading it. Again. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read it.

It’s a Young Adult fantasy novel about a very special chosen one. A chosen who doesn’t want to be chosen. Craigon Rain is the last half-human, half-dragon alive. He’s never met his mother—that’s where he got the dragon part. His father wants him to take part in a battle that’s not his own. A battle against the vampires. At first Craigon—the half-dragon—obeys his father’s orders until he meets Gampire Chaz, a teenage vampire who finds himself in the same situation as Craigon, but on opposite ends. The two boys fall in love, defying everything that’s been established by their families and it’s precisely their love the thing that saves them all.

I identify myself quite a lot with Craigon Rain—my name is Simon Snow, see the irony. I never met my mother either and I also think my father is the responsible of everything bad that happens in my life.

Baz identifies himself with the antagonist, Gampire Chaz—only because he’s got brown skin like him, and their middle names rhyme. The moron.

My phones buzzes and I leave the book on the table. Another tumblr notification: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain mentioned you in a post.

I open the link. It’s an aesthetic with six pictures of us—separately, duh—and three pictures with vampires and dragons. It’s beautiful. Under the post, Baz has written:

“Strong. Graceful. Fucking ruthless.” (Page 14)

(You are)

8:59 am - First aesthetic of us!

Baz

I hit reblog and add: This is too much Baz. I can’t even!! tysm <3

I can’t believe any of my tumblr friends—we call ourselves raindrops—has wished me a happy birthday yet. Except Baz, sort of. I mean, he hasn’t said it explicitly. Penny lives in India and Agatha in France, I think they should have posted something by now… Now that I think of it I have no clue where Rhys, Niall and Trixie live… Well, Niall is clearly asian but that doesn’t mean that he lives in Asia. I don’t know.

I’m hungry. Thinking too much makes me hungry. Thinking makes me hungry. I go the kitchen to see if there’s anything to eat.

Nothing. Fuck. I’m gonna have to go buy something.

I go to the closest supermarket and buy some popcorn and a peanut butter cup ice cream. Perfect combination for fanfiction reading.

As I climb the steps to my apartment, I bump into the delivery girl from before.

“Hey, watch out,” she scowls and extends me yet another package.

I sign the paper and tell her, “later?”

“Later,” she answers, with a smile.

Once I’m inside, I open the packet—the third one today, and it’s only 9:59 am.

There are some papers inside the packet, a photo of a star, I think?

I read the note that Baz has left:

“Twinkle, twinkle little star!” (page 260)

9:59 am - First star

(These are official documents that prove that this star is named after you and is now yours.)

(Sorry I couldn’t give you the Universe, but this is a star-t.)

(Yes, I knew you wouldn’t understand shit of what the papers say.)

Baz

I’m at a loss of words. What the fuck. It must have cost him a fortune. Well, it must have cost his father a fortune. I guess they can afford it.

I send him a message on tumblr: got the star. what the actual fuck? speechless.

And then I add: why arent u replying to any of my posts? u ok?

Right after reading the first fic, halfway through my ice-cream, the doorbell rings again. 10:59 am. I’m guessing it’s not dad, just yet.

I open the door, and a familiar blond haired girl with the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen is standing there, looking bored.

“Agatha!” I scream.

“Happy birthday, Simon,” she smiles at me and kisses my cheek. “I’ve come to bring you your next gift.” She shows me what seems like a tattooer box.

I know what Agatha looks like and that she’s a professional tattooer. She’s posted several pics on raindrops faces day. And the rest, too. All except Penny. (She says she can’t be bothered to take a selfie.)

“Agatha!” I shout again. I still can’t believe it. “Come in,” I add.

We sit on the sofa and she gives me the next note. It reads:

“Flames and Blazes—The Art of Burning.” (page 203)

10:59 am - First tattoo

(This is a combined gift from Wellbelove and me)

(I made the design and she’s going to tattoo you)

(You actually asked for it, so it’s no surprise)

Agatha shows me the design. It’s a constellation. And there’s fire surrounding it.

“Simon,” she says. “This is going to hurt.”

“It’s wonderful, Agatha,” I say when it’s finished, looking at my back through the mirror. “You could’ve been gentler, though.”

“I was gentle, Simon, believe me,” she replies.

The doorbell rings again. I think that it has rung more in one day than in nineteen years.

“Lunch,” Agatha says, and goes for the door. She opens it. “Hi, Penny,” she says to the delivery girl.

What?

“Penny?” I ask, stupidly.

“Sorry, Simon, it was too fun seeing you all clueless,” she apologizes.

“I am still clueless,” I retort.

She takes me into her arms and gives me a tight hug. “Happy birthday Simon! Let’s have lunch. Where’s the dining room?”

“Uhm, here, in the living room. I eat in the living room.”

“Oh, your note,” Penelope says as she gives me the card.

“Because roast beef and Yorkshire pudding are fucking real as Rain.” (page 84)

11:59 - First roast beef and Yorkshire pudding from Watford

(Because you haven’t eaten real roast beef if it’s not from England)

(And Watford Restaurant serves the best one)

(Enjoy your meal)

Baz

We sit on the sofa and start eating our lunch. I’m so happy. It’s like we do this everyday. But I miss Baz. I miss him so much. Where the fuck is he?

We finish eating and Penny looks at her watch. “It’s 12:59,” she says. “Dessert is here,” she smiles wickedly.

“Open the door, Simon,” Agatha says.

I go for the door and open it.

Baz.

Baz is here. With a cake in his hands.

Baz is here. And I can’t hug him.

“Baz!” I say, grinning widely.

“Hey, Snow, happy birthday,” he says, and hands the cake to me. There’s a card on it, too.

“But he just stood there for as long as he could stand it. I don’t know how he resisted the pull; I felt like my intestines were going to burst out and wrap around him.” (page 167)

12:59 - First meeting

(I’m here.)

Baz

Baz looks like he’s trying to hide the huge smile that’s drawing in his face. But I can see it.

“Fuck, Snow,” he says, finally giving into the smile. “I wanted this to happen at 1:59 pm, but here you go.”

“What?” I ask

He takes out another card from the back pocket of his jeans and reads it.

“Trying not to crack a smile. Page 517.”

Then, he looks at his watch and adds, “ 1:01 pm, first smile. First real life smile from me to you.”

“The presents are getting better,” I say, trying not to smile from ear to ear.

We eat the cake on the sofa. Baz tried to oppose to it, but I don’t really have a table with nice chairs to sit down and chat while drinking tea. I’ve never had anyone come over.

We talk about our lives. Well, they talk about their lives and I listen. And look at Baz. His eyes are prettier than I had imagined. And oh my God, his skin. It reminds me of toffee. It has such an appetizing color it makes me want to taste it.

After a while, Baz leads us downstairs and into a cab that’s parked in front of my building.

The taxi drives for around twenty minutes before it comes to a stop. “We’ve arrived,” the driver anounces.

Baz tips him and gestures us to follow him. We enter a place called The Wavering Wood Cafe.

“Happy birthday!” Rhys, Niall, Trixie and other fellow raindrops I identify from tumblr say at the same time as I go through the door.

“Jesus,” I say. I’m stupefied. A surprise party. For me.

Baz hands me another card and our fingertips brush. He cracks an undecipherable smile and looks away.

I read the note.

“It feels like a party.” (page 40)

2:59 pm - First birthday party

(First of many to come)

Baz

I’m having a great time. It’s so fun talking to all my tumblr friends in real life. I finally got to meet Keris, Trixie’s girlfriend. She always posts pics of them together. (Penny finds it gross.) (But that’s personal. She doesn’t like Trixie.)

I keep giving glances towards Baz’s direction. I don’t know why I can’t stop staring at him.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s a tumblr post from Baz.

I open the link. It’s a fic. It’s called Snowbaz. Not Rainchaz. I read the summary:

“Because I’m disturbed.” (page 205)

“Ask anyone,”I think out loud, smiling. And then continue reading the summary:

3:59 pm - First fanfiction about us

Baz

I start reading the fic. It’s all fluff and love until the last part. Smut. I read it all. And love every word. Fuck.

I look at Baz. He’s already staring at me. I step towards him.

“Hey, Snow,” he says. “Ever tried a flaming shot?”

“I’m underaged, you know.”

“Not in my country,” he smirks.

“Okay, fine, give me a shot.”

“A flaming shot, Snow,” Baz says. “Here.”

He hands me a small glass of liquor and sets it on fire with a lighter. He does the same with his glass.

“To us,” he says.

“To us,” I reply.

He blows out the fire and drinks all the liquor. I mimic him. Ugh. I grimace.

“Sharing a room with the person you want most is like sharing a room with an open fire,” Baz starts saying, looking directly into my eyes. “He’s constantly drawing you in. And you’re constantly stepping too close. And you know it’s not good—that there is no good—that there’s absolutely nothing that can ever come of it. But you do it anyway. And then…”

“Then you burn,” I finish. God, his eyes are fire.

“Page 177. 4:59 pm, first flaming drink.”

“First drink,” I correct.

He laughs and orders a couple more.

We have a couple more shots and talk about our favorite AUs. We talk more than we drink.

Suddenly Baz looks at his watch, and then back at me. With the same blazing eyes from before. He stays silent, just looking at me, for a moment. He looks hesitant.

I think he’s going to kiss me.

But he doesn’t. He keeps staring. Some minutes pass. I stare at my watch. 6:10 pm. Where’s my 5:59 pm gift?

“Simon…” Baz starts, flaming shot in his hand.

And then I kiss him.

We kiss for a long time. Then I let go and make him reach for me. And we kiss again.

After a while, we break the kiss and smile at each other. I’m grinning. I can’t help it.

“I was going to say You were the sun, and I was crashing into you,” Baz says. “But I guess the best quote for this is And then HE kisses ME.” He can’t hide his grin, either.

“Page 342,” I say. “6:10 pm, first kiss.”

“Shite, what time is it?” He asks, already looking at his watch.

“6:50 pm,” I answer, moronically.

“Let’s go have dinner, Simon. You and me, only.”

“Okay,” I say. And I follow him to the next room.

There’s a small table for two with two candles. It’s always fire with Baz.

We sit down and he takes out another card.

“You smell like something I’d gladly eat, page 421,” he says, staring at my eyes. “6:59 pm, first romantic dinner.”

I blush.

After dinner, we all go to a pub. It’s called The World of Mages.

It’s great and I’m so happy to be surrounded by friends and the person I like. Baz. That’s new. Liking boys. No, not boys. Only Baz. Wanting to kiss him over and over again.

He takes my hand and says, “Want to dance?”

I nod and smile at him. I’m crap at dancing but I don’t care.

Baz puts his hands on my waist and leads me through the song. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

“I should have known that this is what it would be like to dance with Craigon Rain. Fighting in place. Mutual surrender,” Baz whispers into my ear. “Page 508. 7:59 pm, first dance.”

I place both my arms around his neck and slump into him.

We’re still at the pub. Dancing. Well, at least I’m trying.

“What are we going to do?” I ask him. “You’re going to leave back to England.”

“I know,” he answers with a crack in his voice. “We’ll figure it out, little puff.”

“Baz,” I say. “What’s the next gift? I think I have a better idea.”

“Huh? I was going to take you for a drive…”

“I want to be your boyfriend. Your terrible boyfriend,” I say. “Page 390.”

Baz looks surprised. He places both his hands on my face and kisses me, tenderly. “Of course,” he says. And kisses me again.

“8:59 pm,” I say. “First boyfriend.”

And I kiss him again.

After the pub, we say goodbye to our fellow raindrops. There’s a lot of hugging and kisses on the cheek. God, I’m gonna miss them.

“We have to do this more often,” I say. Even though I’m broke. But I’ll find the money somehow.

They all agree.

Once they’re gone, it’s just me and Baz.

“Let’s go back to my apartment,” I tell him.

“What if your father is there?”

“At this time? Not likely. He must be out, drinking again.”

“Okay,” he says.

We go to my apartment and settle in my room. It’s full of constellations on the walls. Because I love astrology. Hence the tattoo.

“Baz, you haven’t seen it,” I say.

“Seen what?”

“The tattoo, idiot!”

I take my shirt off and show it to him. He places his fingertips on my back and starts tracing it. The touch sends shivers down my spine.

“So beautiful…” Baz says.

I turn around and look at him. I reach for his shirt and take it off. Eyes locked on his. I close the distance and kiss him. And then my hands go down. I can’t stop myself. I kiss every spot of his dark olive skin. And I want more. And I can see that he wants, too.

So I take more. I take it all. And I give it all. To him. To Baz.

“Because we match,” I say after a while. My head is resting on Baz’s chest. Our fingers laced. “Page 420.” I look at my watch. “10:58 pm, first time.”

“When did you start giving yourself birthday presents?” Baz asks.

“I think it was when I did this,” I answer. And I kiss him.

“God, I love you, Simon Snow.”

“I love you, Baz.”

“Fell in love, didn’t you?” He smiles.

“10:59 pm, first I love you,” I say.

I go with Baz to the airport. I’m sad that he has to go. But I’m happy that he came. And he’s going to move to the States with his aunt, Fiona, next year. So I just have to wait for a year. And I’m going to visit him soon. Maybe for his birthday.

He looks at me with watery eyes. He holds my hand so hard it hurts a little.

“I’ll come to England, in a couple of months,” I reassure him. “And then you’ll come back. We’ll be seeing each other a lot. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

“When I come to live in America with Fiona, I’m going to haunt your door day and night.”

There’s a shout for all the passengers of the flight to Southampton Airport.

Baz kisses me, before letting go.

“Goodbye, Simon,” he says. “This is a first and a last goodbye. Because the next time I see you, I won’t let you go for anything in the world.”

“Go on, then,” I say. “Carry on, Baz.”

-FIN-

[piefanart]

Question Game!!

Tagged by @songheartstudios!  Thank you so much!!!

1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people (or however many you want) 

Do you have a game/franchise that has become your comfort? 

yes!! Super Mario n64 ALWAYS gives me the best comfort nostalgia!! i also really love playing twilight princess when i feel down.

How many pets do you have/wish you had, and what type? 

I currently have two cats,two zebra finches,  and a dog. i want more cats, like 10. one day i shall be the crazy cat lady of my dreams. a bunny is also neccessary.  i also really want a hedgehog, her name will be Sebastian. and i want a whale shark. fight me.

Do you have a best friend (or multiple!) you talk to every day? If so, how much do you love them? 

my friend Emma is super close to me, i keep pressuring her to get a tumblr so i can tag her in dumb memes. i talk to @llama-jedi-master and @jeremy-1994 almost every day too (Jeremy is my internet best friend!) I talk to @killercreeper cat often, they are super awesome! And also theres my crush, Peregrine, whom i talk to on the phone almost every day and sometimes twice or more a day. our longest phone call was 6 hours, but it is not rare for them to last up to 4 hours. I love all of my friends very much and nobody is allowed to hurt them or i will fight them in a shady back alleyway at midnight.

What is your dream job? 

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS im gonna work for Nintendo’s concept art department. this is a fact.

Fondest childhood memory? 

uhhhhhhhhhh... ohman  that one is hard mainly cause i dont think about my childhood often. it would probably be when me and my irl bff Hannah had a sleepover where we watched the lord of the rings trilogy. halfway through return of the king, which was about 3 a.m., we started a game of star wars monopoly. also, to stay up so late, we each took a bag of pixi stix and dumped all of the powder into a cup. we mixed it with just enough water to make it into a sludge, and then bottoms up! perfect all-nighter drink.

Comfort food? 

ramen noodles. cheap, sustainable, and reliable. also pizza. little ceasars.

Home activity that soothes you? 

sewing makes me calm. it forces me to focus on one thing, especially when im working on a project i havent ever done before. and the hum of the sewing machine while its working is very calming to me.

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go? 

im going to honeymoon in hobbitton, new zealand. but if i could go anywhere, right now, i would love to visit japan. theres so much cool stuff there, like cat and bunny cafes, cute shops, street fashion, amazing foods, and NINTENDOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Do you listen to music often? What kind? 

YES. i mainly listen to nightcore, fall out boy, panic! at the disco, 21 pilots, video game soundtracks, imagine dragons, and pretty much anything else that catches my attention. this is what im pretty much 24/7 listening to: https://www.pandora.com/station/play/3424376025844576780

Do you like when random people show up in your inbox to chat, or are you too shy? 

i love when random people ask questions or send messages. it always makes my day and makes me feel special that someone would not only notice me in the vast ocean of the internet, but take time out of their day to interact with me. in real life, i am extremely shy around new people, but online i tend to be more outgoing. haters are excluded from this btw.

Do/did you enjoy school? If so, for the learning or for the social aspect (or if you are/were homeschooled, the clubs or groups)?

i hate school. it takes time out of my day for things i mostly already know. i was  homeschooled, i start college part time this fall. i tend to catch on to new things very quickly so repetetive work makes me frustrated.

My Questions for you:

1. Early bird or night owl?

2. whats the first video game you remember playing?

3. is there a food you hated as a child that you love now?

4. favorite gaming console (or r u a pc person?)

5. favorite childhood book?

6. do you have any special jewelry you wear? why do you wear it and where did you get it?

7. what fictional character would you want to date? would you marry them?

8. whats your favorite season and why?

9. whats your favorite color of cat?

10. whats a music genre you dont like? why not?

11. if you could meet anyone in the world, living or dead, who would it be and why?

TAGS: @jeremy-1994, my amazing friend, @brigin, my internet mom, @fillyreports, awesome mutual, @trashperson32, a very cool person, @hugesucc-ess, cause ive never tagged them in anything but they are really nice, @pirothesquid, because i love seeing you show up in my notifs, @spear-180, another amazing peep, @llama-jedi-master just cause i tag u in everything, @comfort-cores-therapy-session​, a very good rp blog, @killercreepercat​, one of my favorite mutuals who i had the honor of meeting by chance irl, @the-truest-oncer​, an irl friend of mine, @ff2-da-derp​, awesome peep, @beautiful-azalea​, who runs some amazing animal crossing blogs, @colorfulcollectordragon-2f8ee55c​, another good mutual, @princess-of-erebor1992​, ik life sucks but you are doing amazing!, @virgil-did-nothing-wrong​, you r very good, and @ anyone who i missed or who wants to do this!!

[saintkimora]

well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right 

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice 

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far