#im already having nightmares about it :(((((

[albaharu]

i dont wanna doom people with the taint without them knowing, but the game doesn't let me warn them ú_ù except with velanna. she deserves to make an informed decision

[slavhew]

[plulp]

hey guys. remy design

[badkarma1998]

Me learning about "fridgescaping":

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

hahaha okay so my brain has already started on the sequels to this fic kind of annoying but it just conjured a scene where yaz wants to know abt the nightmares the doctor's having so 15 is like "trade you" and against his expectations she actually offers him a nightmare she gets (we know abt the 12x7 one but i also firmly believe she has recurring nightmares where the doctor dies in graphic violent usually self-inflicted ways and yaz always being helpless to stop it) so now he has to say what he dreams about fair is fair and hes like "hospitals" and thats not a lot of information so yaz just kinda goes "...........alright. suppose. with your name-"

and then "i wish i was called lulubelle" fucking stOMped me in the face and i laughed really hard

[evangelistofmurder]

Chapter 4 Musing + Bonus thoughts in tags

I've been thinking about this recently and realized: Yakou did have a chance of surviving the gas but made the deliberate choice not to:

[Solution Key - Toxic Gas Properties]

Yakou could have asked Desuhiko for a space suit; I don't even think the latter would question it either, this hammers more of the fact that the plan was a murder-suicide from the start. Though, this is the same man who takes dying over and over again in considering and still went through with it.

He really only needed Desuhiko's and Fubuki's fortes to enact the murder, but he brings Halara and Vivia to the lab as well. Yakou knows damn well the peacekeepers, especially Yomi will look for any excuse to arrest/execute the NDA. He brings Halara and Vivia to protect Fubuki, Desuhiko and Yuma; Yomi accuses the remaining NDA detectives for Yakou's 'murder' anyways. It was somewhat fruitless but the fact of the matter is to say even when lying to the others he did still care about them. Just as much as Yakou cared about the NDA the latter cared about Yakou just as much too. Yakou was really the heart of the NDA; Yakou just never took into account that everyone else would try desperately to save his life instead of just leaving him. (Going on a whim, to say he probably thought they'd just leave like how his former detectives left to join the peackeepers).

Yuma trying to beg Yomi to get Yakou medical attention, Fubuki using all her energy to rewind time in order save him, Halara administrating first aid after fighting the peackeepers, Desuhiko having to tell Fubuki to not to turn back time any further so the Chief can rest because it is too late and Vivia just standing there walking away since he doesn't know how to deal with it and express it directly. Hell, Halara was potentially giving CPR to his corpse in hopes that he'd stay alive after Yuma and Vivia checked Huesca's logs.

Finally, there's everyone's collective survivors guilt. It's safe to assume everyone knew what happened before Number One called in whether Yuma or Vivia said something; There's also Kurumi who wasn't even at the lab asking if they made a mistake by going.

In closing, it's a tragedy in every single way and I don't even think I hit everything in this musing; To me this is more focused on the NDA's perception of events

[I'd appreciate if people made responses to this by the way!!]

[plantwriting]

I am EXTREMELY normal about nightmare blunt rotation and do NOT think about them far too often I SWEAR

[lateseptemberdawn]

Learned about the Egyptian lore about how men (as well as women) were granted period leaves bc since the women would need rest the men would have to do the work women usually do (around the house or in general even)... It was called smth like "on leave - woman bleeding"

And the reason I got reminded of this is bc I've been insanely sick since the last two weeks and just when I started feeling the teeniest bit better (yesterday) I got my period (not much to bleed since I ate barely nothing but I've been feeling faint the moment I sit/stand up) and my mother was fasting the whole day so now she has an insane headache and my father - well aware of both our conditions - has the audacity to tell me to do stuff (help him in the kitchen I'll be honest he's not telling me to grind a mill no but to make dough and then rotis which if anyone knows is fucking tiring esp for me since I fucking hate doing it). I'm so angry that I just went with it. And my mother had to legit tell me to stop for that man to realise I've been deadly sick.

Men do not deserve the position of authority. They simply don't.

[alchemania]

Drowning.

(Emotions are overwhelming, sometimes too hard to traverse alone. Thankfully, she doesn't have to.)

“I'm accusing you of not being the Hydro Archon at all.” 

Those words freeze her where she stands, and whispers fly throughout the courtroom, like vultures searching for a carcass. Wait, no. Nonononono. This could not be happening. No one was supposed to discover her, she had to fulfill the prophecy or everybody would die and all of this would be for nothing and– the glares from all around and the distrust freeze her in her tracks, and Furina can't breathe, breath catching in her throat so hard she chokes. “Wait! Wait!” she cried, shaking her head frantically. “Don't listen to what he's saying! I- I am the Hydro Archon I swear! I'm real! I'M REAL!!” 

She had to be. She could be nothing else, or all was lost, all was for naught. She could not allow that to happen she WOULD NOT allow it to happen. There had to be a way, there must be some way…the water! Yes! She's moving her hands rapidly as she talks now, attempting to get away from the spider's web that entangled her further and further. Put your hand in the water, Furina, they said, and she did, she did, deadly determined to keep up the facade, to live out the role. But that was ultimately what undid her- the water, diluted as it was, would not kill her, but she exhibited the same symptoms as the diver boy- Freminet, was his name (he would be dead soon as well oh god. Oh god. And she knew he had only wanted to help, they all did, but they did not know that in doing so, they'd doomed themselves..) 

“On the charges of impersonating the Hydro Archon, Furina-” 

“No! No!” she screamed, tears flowing like a river. “Stop! STOP!!! You don't understand, none of you understand please Neuvillette LISTEN TO ME -” There was so much pain in his eyes, she noticed, so much turmoil. But he uttered the damning words, regardless. 

“..is guilty.” 

Guilty. 

That verdict stopped her heart, and Furina stumbled back and crumpled into her chair, looking like one dead. At the eleventh hour, she'd stumbled. Five hundred years of lies and guilt all for them, all to save them, down the drain. It was for nothing. SHE was for nothing. What was the point of it all..? 

“All this time, she lied to us?! But why?”

To save you, I had no other choice. But it doesn't matter now, anyway. The flood is going to come.  

All of a sudden, a terrible shaking rocked the entire courthouse, and an otherworldly being, resembling some sort of whale, seemed to swim through the building, sucking in horrified onlookers. People screamed and pushed each other in a mad dash to the exit, and somehow, Furina felt her legs carrying her as well, running outside along with the crowd. Her worst fears were already coming into being - the unforgiving waves were rising higher and higher, and folks were scrambling - to rooftops, to the trees, wherever they could go to get away. Furina watched numbly, being unforgivingly bumped into and shoved aside as her people fled for any hope of safety. 

It was gut wrenching, also seeing humanity shine through in these moments - someone helping an older lady through the streets so she didn't fall, a little boy picking up a frightened cat so it wouldn't be run over and tearing through the streets like the angels themselves guided his footsteps. But it would not be enough. Even so, she ran, splashing up puddles as her heels made contact with the ground again and again and again and again. “Get to higher ground!” Furina screamed, helping a young lady onto a rooftop. “Don't stop moving!”

The hands of disaster would not be held back, though, and as the people climbed higher and higher, some of them began to slip and fall- wives screamed and cried for their husbands, parents for their children, children for their parents, friends for their companions, and she could do nothing but watch it all happen, hopes and dreams dissolving just like her entire nation. “No, no no!!! Please! Stop!” 

“Help us!!” People screamed, and she could not. There was nothing she could do. She was helpless, her hands were tied, and all she could do was watch. Lyney and Lynette held Freminet near to them as the waters rose, heads bowed in solemn acceptance of what was to come, and the boy sobbed, dreading the inevitable.

“It's alright,” Lyney comforted. “It's alright. You're gonna see your mother soon, you'll be together again, and we'll see our parents too- and - and we'll never be apart anymore. It'll all be okay.”

“I don't want to die!” Freminet wailed, and Lynette shook like a leaf, fear taking hold. 

“.. I don't either. But, we'll embrace it hand in hand, okay??”

“Mhm.” 

“I love you guys.”

“I love you too.” 

The waters consumed them soon, and Furina couldn't breathe. They were gone. They were gone. 

The next thing she knows, she's atop the highest building in Fontaine, and the waters lap at her feet, a silent but deadly testimony to all that had happened. She was all alone now…. everyone was dead and it- it was all her fault. Hollowly, Furina looked to the water, sobbing and crumpling to her knees. The water had changed - it was just normal seawater now, and she found herself frantically pawing in it, inconsolable. “Give them back! Give them back to me!!! I'll do anything I swear - I'll take their place, I - please!!! They didn't do anything wrong it's not their fault it's mine! IT'S MINE!!!!!"

Her reflection changed, and Focalors stared back. Furina yelped, scuttling back like a surprised crab, and sniffled. “Furina. Come here,” she called, and there was no anger in her voice, only sorrow. When the girl approached, the goddess looked ready to weep. “What have you done?” she breathed, horror marring her face.

“I- I didn't mean to, they- they found me out,” she stammered, “I-”

“You were so close,” Focalors mourned. “But it was all for nothing.”

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” Furina wailed, and the goddess sighed. “Please, I'll do anything - I don't care what happens to me -"

“There is nothing more you can do. You failed the task that you were given, and all is lost. I see now it was a mistake to trust in you.”

Furina's pupils shrank about three sizes, and she choked on air, shaking like a leaf. “I'm - a mistake?”

“Yes, Furina. You are a mistake. But it's alright, because I created you, and so the blame falls to me.” 

“I- you - I had to suffer all this time, for nothing,” she wept, anger weaving its way into her veins, “You have no idea what I've been through! You don't - you could never know! It's your fault I had to go through all this! How- how dare you call me a mistake!!” Breaths ragged, Furina splashed the water furiously, again and again and again. “I'm NOT a mistake I'm NOT! TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!! You said I was special!! You created me because you wanted me to live the way you couldn't!!! You created me because you BELIEVED in me!! WAS THAT A LIE, FOCALORS?! WAS ANYTHING REAL!?” 

The reflection changed back to herself, and Furina was left alone with no answers. A beat passed, and the girl yanked off her hat and threw it into the water as hard as she could, screeching. Off came her coat, and her gloves, and she hurled them into the waves as well, screaming and crying at the top of her lungs. And Furina cried. She cried for all her people, and for all the pain she'd been shouldering, she cried for the pointlessness of it all, she cried because she was angry, she cried because she was tired, she cried because she was sad. And when she could cry no more, she hollowly stared at the waves, the waves that had doomed so many unfairly to a watery end. If she had just held on a little longer, if she had just kept up the act for a while more…..all would have been well. If she had been stronger, then..maybe..maybe-

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” 

Someone was calling her, and she curled into herself, wrapping her arms around her person.

“Furina,” the voice called again, and she looked up with red rimmed eyes to the heavens, chest heaving. 

“No, not up there. Listen. Wake up. You have to wake up.”

“..what are you talking about..? The prophecy-- it's already come to pass it doesn't matter anymore -"

“Furina.” 

She looked to the water again, and Tetsuya's face replaced her reflection, to her shock. “Wake up,” he commanded. “Wake up!” The image then sprang from the water, stopping her heart from fear as it grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Wake up!!” 

Furina screamed raggedly, nearly tumbling out of bed, and Wanderer was right there, grabbing her face in both his hands. “Hey, hey!! It's alright! It's alright!”

“They're all gone,” the girl wailed, inconsolable, and he stared in bewilderment, face twisting almost comically in confusion.

“..huh?”

“Everyone- I failed, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please please you have to help me please - there has to be something we can do-” she can barely breathe around her sobs, and Wanderer shakes his head, slowly. 

“No. No you didn't, Furina, listen. It was a dream. You were having a nightmare of what could have been.” 

“Everyone is-” 

“Alive, yes.”

“I'm not- a mistake?”

“....uh, excuse me?” Tetsuya asked after a beat of disbelief, expression darkening like a storm cloud had taken residence. “No…Who the hell told you that?” 

“She- she said -”

“She's wrong, whoever she is,” he interrupted, and Furina sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Furina. I need you to breathe.” He took her hand then and squeezed, frowning. “Come on. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” The girl coughed harshly, sucking in irregular breaths, and after a moment of hesitation, Wanderer took Furina's hand and placed it on top of his stomach, breathing calmly. “Can you follow that?” 

“M- mhm,” she managed, taking in a shaky but steadier breath, and the rise and fall of Tetsuya's abdomen guided her through the motions, slowly steadying. 

“Good, good,” he nodded, as her breathing evened out. “..do you need anything?”

“Can- can you h- hold me?? Please?”

“Ah- alright,” he relented, and Furina leaned on his shoulder, sniffling roughly. “..do you want to talk about it.”

“..no…”

“Okay. Then we'll just sit here.” 

And they did just that, silence only broken by the girl's quiet sobs. 

“..what if everything went wrong??”

“The important thing is that it didn't. What you need to focus on right now is what you're going to do now that everything is over. It wasn't all for nothing.” He glared at her, then, but she could tell his anger was not with her. “And even if everything had gone to hell, you would not have been for nothing. Don't you let anyone tell you otherwise, not even yourself.” 

“..okay..okay. .. Tetsuya?”

“Mm.”

“... I don't think I'm okay.”

He gave a bitter, hearty laugh at that. “I don't think anyone expects you to be, Furina.”

“M’sorry if-”

“If what? You were a bother? You woke me up? If I didn't care, I wouldn't be here,” Tetsuya asserted, holding her closer. “Don't you remember what you said? Emotions are a burden, never the person who carries them. And when you care about people, you carry them too.”

“You remember what I said…?”

“I remember many things. More than I would like to. Important thing is, you're not okay right now, and quite frankly I'm terrible at comfort and all that. But I can promise I can kill whatever gives you hell. I'll be here when you need me, and if you wanna cry, well. To hell with it. After everything you've been through, I think you kinda earned it.” 

“Okay. Thank you…” 

"Mm.” 

“... I wish I could hear her.” 

“What?”

“Focalors. She's not here anymore, but I wish- she could've told me she was proud of me. That I did good. That - I was strong, and. . I did my best.” 

“Well, I'm not her. But I think you did a hell of a job,” Wanderer muttered. “Sometimes you have to be your own closure and accept that the people you need most will not be by your side. I would know. And- if nobody else, you tell yourself.”

“I.. I did good,” Furina whispered, tears falling fast, and Tetsuya nodded, rubbing her shoulder to soothe. “It hurt a lot.”

“It did, but the worst of it is over. And you are going to get better.”

“I'm gonna get better. I'm gonna heal.”

“And you're not gonna put yourself down when you have setbacks.”

“. .I'll try.”

“Sometimes that's all you can do.” 

“Mhm.” She looked up then, eyes misty. “Hey.”

“What.”

“I love you,” Furina smiled wetly, and Tetsuya blinked twice, eyes also a little glossy. 

"..uh huh," he mumbled. "Love you too.”

“..What?????”

“I'm not going to say it again,” he huffed, looking fit to blush, and she squeezed him hard, laughing delightedly. 

“You love me, you love me!!!” 

"Yeah, yeah, you wormed your way into my heart and I can't find it in me to kick you out. Is that you want me to say??"

"Yes," she grinned, and Tetsuya sucked his teeth.

"I'm in your corner. That's the best you're gonna get right now."

She leaned her head back on his shoulder, and Wanderer sighed, looking affectionately weary. "Geez...... I'm getting soft."

"Is that bad?"

"..well. Not as much as I thought it would be."

Sometimes, life was still hell. But at least she had someone to walk through the fire with her now.

[yurki-posts]

tw: vent art

[kingprinceleo]

Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Dorothy being assaulted at 17 and then trapped in a marriage for the next 38 years really makes the queer subtext heartbreaking rather than funny. It also adds a whole lot to how barbed she gets when they discuss her sex life and how vanilla it is or how little sex she had, no wonder it would be a sore subject (and no wonder its consistent that she had very little sex with Stan in her marriage and said she didn't enjoy it when they did).

Yep, that's part of the reason why I think that queer subtext is so insightful!

A queer reading of Dorothy is not necessary to understand the gravity of what happened to her, to be fair. Stan is very clearly depicted as a bad lover in general and an especially inattentive lover to her -- take eg what she says of him in S1E22 Job Hunting:

"It took three seconds. I wasn't sure that we had done anything, actually… until nine months later, when the baby came. Then I figured out that we had."

Which... doesn't seem like a great experience. Add onto it the fact that a) this is a recollection of her first time, b) she was coerced into performing the act either via emotional manipulation or alcohol/substances (as well detailed in this post by @eeblouissant), and c) her situation didn't improve at all during her marriage; if anything it got worse, since Stan was always out cheating on her -- no wonder she has a bad relationship with sex! Actually, I've said before that I think she has a remarkably open and healthy attitude towards sex, all things considered.

Thinking of Dorothy as queer (especially as a repressed lesbian) makes it all even more tragic, though. I think it's very likely, considering that she's a Catholic of Italian origin, that she hadn't even realized she liked women by the time she got involved with Stan -- I myself reached that conclusion in my early 20s! However, by that time Dorothy was already married and a mother; can you imagine how painful the mere idea would have been, for her? Of course she'd never even consider it while still married to Stan, and she'd have a hard time coming to terms with it after her divorce. It adds a thick layer of suppression and self-sacrifice to her whole story that I think is very thematically appropriate for her character (and that personally destroys me lmao. I cannot think about it for too long or I'll cry my heart out).

I think her whole experience with Stan also justifies her enthusiasm for some of her lovers in the show, even in a queer reading. I mean -- after all that, her standards must be on the floor! The bar is so low, she's dancing the lambada with the devil! Even a modicum of attention to her needs would blow her mind, I think -- even if it didn't come from her preferred gender, and especially if she wasn't ready to confront the truth about her sexuality yet. A lifetime of suppression isn't easy to get over -- she'd probably blame her bad experience with sex during her marriage on Stan alone (instead of considering that maybe she'd rather not be with a man at all).

Sorry, anon -- you probably weren't expecting a ramble in response, haha! But yeah, you make a great point; reading Dorothy as queer adds even more depth to her character and greatly enhances the tragedy of her story.

(Just for the record -- I've never thought the queer reading of Dorothy was funny! Maybe I'm reading this wrong, I just wanted to clarify.)

[oozeandgoo-art]

everyone is sooo in love with vakori on account of le is so cool and smart and deeply pragmatic and is also completely batshit insane

[zaynes-left-chesticle]

Ugh now I'm still crying...

Because Promise Everlasting was so beautifully painful to watch, as short as it was.... Now I want to know where it falls in the tower of secrets story!!

Tower of Secrets is so freaking good so far, but it looks like you can't progress without having both PE and Forever Sealed?! Update: it looks like every 20 levels you ascend the memory, you get 1 myth shard.... Soooo still an ice shard to my heart, but that's a tad easier than needing both memories right away 😅

Welp it's now 2 am... Time to wind down from that experience and mentally prepare to spend the next 2 weeks trying to get another magic box 🥲

[arcaneyouth]

i dont understand stimboards/stim videos. like sometimes a gif gets me especially purely glitter ones but half that shit makes me clench my teeth and feel like god has put the devil inside my brain and its going to explode in 5 seconds. stop fucking crunching that shit. stop breaking things. stop putting your hand in slime. if i stare at this too long im gonna have a meltdown. i wish i understood why people consider this shit satisfying it just makes me overwhelmed

[depressedraisin]

one more thing that's quite interesting to me about the track by track interview is that it's published on miles' channel. so he published it. it was his idea probably. he hired nihal. he approved the video before it went public.

so it was him who he decided to let us all in on all those really personal tidbits about the album. he wants us to know