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sugurism · 2 months

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ah your red /green flag post was really good. How about doing the type of person they are most likely to be attracted to..and if they would fall first or harder?

FALLING DOWN. ୨ৎ jjk men: their type of person + fell first, or fell harder?ㅤheadcanons

featuring ♰ㅤmultiple. (choso, higuruma, megumi, nanami, gojo, geto, sukuna, toge, toji, yuji, yuta)

warning(s)! ♰ㅤNO PRONOUNS AND ANATOMY FOR READER. SFW (?) — toxic behavior ! possession ! some are delusional + yandere implied ! again, very much made based on personal opinions + i tried to write the characters off as canon as possible, but my favoritism will probably show ! sukuna (he's a warning of his own) ! violence + blood + death (mentions) ! cannibalism (mentions) ! obsession and possession ! not really all dark content but i will tag as so just to be sure, sukuna's part is insane ! mentions about marriage ! sadomasochism ! suggestive (sexual ideas about you) !

author’s note ♱ㅤthank you for everyone who's enjoying the red / beige / green flag post! you're all so sweet, it made my day, truly. im so happy, and this suggestion was so fun, anon. a small reminder so no one gets lost, though — please, read my rules before interacting. i don't take requests, but i consider suggestions. wrote this because i enjoyed the idea! it's not good, though. wrote this in a hurry and im currently working on other WIPs. don't know if i liked the result, tbh.

୨୧ CHOSO KAMO — attracted to someone's soul. fell harder.

the type of people choso likes is honestly pretty hard to describe. he is a romantic by nature, even if he is not aware of it. he really likes someone willing to cooperate with him and his family. anyone with an honest desire to protect him and his family and allow themselves to be protected as well.

with a body that was given to him (a dead body, even), he cares very little about physical appearance. a large part of him seeks to understand the essence of those he loves so that he can understand them without saying a word.

the moment he realized he fell in love with you was after a bloody battle. he was covered in blood and injuries while using his body's natural regeneration to recover. however, you forgot that ── you forgot his strength, you forgot his ability. you saw him as human as yourself, and by extension, fragile. bruised. mortal.

“choso! are you okay?” your warm hand touches his face, and choso's stomach twists at the thought of your delicate, perfect hands getting dirty because of his rotten blood. the blood of a cursed creature, neither human nor curse. and the way you look at him now: with affection, care. with the desire to want to protect him, as he would like to protect you.

and at this moment, he knows. what he feels is love. he feels like he's been struck by lightning, electrified to the last cell in his body. “y──yes. of course.”

god, he needs to marry you. now.

୨୧ HIROMI HIGURUMA — attracted to an opposed strength. fell first.

this is personally inspired by my view of higuruma (and inspired by oc), but it would be an amazing cliché if he fell in love with a prosecutor. it is not exactly a person, but rather a dynamic. hiromi's type of person is someone who can argue their convictions and has the determination to defend their point of view. the kind of person who could get him back on track. someone who would argue back if he were wrong.

the moment he realized he fell in love with you was a very simple day. nothing unusual. the weather a little dark, a late afternoon full of heavy clouds threatening to pour their rain on him and you. when you looked at him and smirked after “winning” an argument, he felt his own heart skip a beat in a way he never thought it could before.

he wonders if you can notice. it's obvious, how could you not? how could he not notice it earlier, he wonders. for some reason, the idea makes hiromi flinch. his mouth opens to retort, but he gives up. will saying something make it obvious how much he is in love with you? he should wait before saying something. he can do that. he can wait and wonder, will someday, your heart jump like his, when he is around you?

୨୧ MEGUMI FUSHIGURO — attracted to chaos. fell harder.

this may sound ironic, but considering megumi's deranged nature during fights requires equal and opposite strength. aka, someone as passionate and convinced as himself. someone who will turn and smile at him with blood on their hands as everything explode around you two.

the moment he realized he was in love with you was during a fight against a curse. a simple exorcism, in theory, but one where a creature suddenly appeared and was about to make him lunch. until its interruption, of course. shouting as you annihilated a curse so far from his level just to protect him ── a determination and raw fire in his eyes. it made you look like you could do anything, even kill gods.

it made his mouth go dry and his cheeks grow red. and megumi knew, it wasn't from adrenaline. it was something much, much stronger.

୨୧ KENTO NANAMI — attracted to calmness and stability. fell harder.

nanami already has a very chaotic presence in his life. satoru gojo's ironic giggles and crude jokes are terrifying. his senpai's irreverent behavior will haunt kento until the day he dies. therefore, nothing fairer than a partner who is calm, but not in the way he is calm ── cold, slightly arrogant, semi-distant from everything that is real. calm as water, in a serene and subtle, loving way. someone to share his burdens and allow himself to be vulnerable with.

the moment he realized he fell in love with you was — weird. stress gets to even the toughest of men, and someone under as much pressure as nanami, for all his composure, is still susceptible to it. the smallest things can make a stressed salaryman's day hell, like today.

nothing worked. absolutely everything backfired in the worst way possible. he spilled coffee on his jacket, had to ask for another one, where the barista got his order wrong, and in the end, he was almost late to start his work schedule. as he passed you through the jujutsu high campus (in order to avoid that tall, white ghost that terrifies his underclassmen to this day), you made him stop.

being an assistant teacher isn't exactly an easy job, considering the vast array of (potentially problematic) students that inhabit jujutsu schools. but you are always able to get them all on track without using a drop of harshness. there's a firmness to its sweetness, sure, but it's not intimidating. the brats even apologize to you honestly when they make mistakes.

when you see him, you wave gently and smile. and that smile makes kento exhale very slowly. the stress escaping him as if drained away. not entirely, but it was something. and nanami has a talent for spotting things that seem insignificant, but actually aren't.

oh, your smile. your smile always does this to him.

୨୧ SATORU GOJO — attracted to gentleness and honesty. fell first.

despite all the compliments satoru receives, he is completely sure that ninety-five percent of them are not at all sincere. it's like a poorly done bribe in an attempt to get the favor or appreciation of the strongest, because he will always be that. first the strongest sorcerer, then satoru. first a title and then a person. it's just how things work, there's no point complaining about them.

but a person who can honestly see him as a human being first and as who he is, beyond his title. a trustworthy and caring person, someone he can genuinely let his walls down with without it being a decision he regrets later.

the moment he realized he fell in love with you was on the verge of death. well, not at the brink of his death, but at yours. so many things could happen if he wasn't around, and they did. a fight with a curse user, and your obvious victory, but at what price? now he was waiting at the hospital anxiously, his fingers drumming the arm of the chair as he watched each person pass by.

every doctor, every nurse, every one of those miraculous people who could save your life. every second melted into its own agonizing torture, and satoru couldn't understand why. why was it so hard to calm down? he has been here before, so many times, with other friends in their deathbeds. it was agonizing all the same, but somehow, now it seemed worse.

when they finally said he could enter, satoru wasted no time. walking through the door and lowering her sunglasses towards him. you and your bruised body, lying on the bed and slowly turning to look at him. smiling through the pain, and his lips parting to murmur. “’toru. you're here.”

he sat down in the nearby chair and chuckled slightly, feeling his worries disappear. your voice, so gentle and truthful. so happy to see him — a friend, someone dear. not the strongest sorcerer, but him. “yeah. of course, i am.”

୨୧ SUGURU GETO. — attracted to passion. fell harder.

passion is one of the determining driving forces that makes humanity the sinister creatures that they are. passion for something can be good, like artists who created revolutionary works and opened the world's eyes to their problems. or, it can be terrible, as in geto's case: his passion is the cult and his new world.

he would like someone who is as passionate about something as he is about this philosophy itself. bonus points if the passion in question is the philosophy itself, but any number of other things might be acceptable.

it's difficult to describe a moment where suguru realizes he's in love with you, without defining a passion of yours. maybe it's a hobby like art, or maybe it's caring for a pet. it's necessary context, but whatever it is, he realizes your determination and ends up completely falling in love with it. with you.

be it watching you smiling while finishing a painting, petting your cat proudly, or anything that reveals you're determined to stick to your own principles. like he will stick to his.

୨୧ SUKUNA RYOMEN. — attracted to violence. fell harder.

i saw a post once, talking about how a sukuna's ideal type (assuming he had one) really is someone who wants him dead. it's hard to explain it, but he's definitely attracted to the more disturbing aspects of a person. in particular, a taste for violence and independence.

however, he might not like it so much if this independence became a challenge. he is willing to allow very extensive freedom to any human who interests him ── within certain limits. a king must not allow the absolute insubordination of those beneath him, after all.

he wants someone raw, and visceral. bonus points if there is a possibility that he will mentally destroy you and turn you into some kind of obedient pet. someone who was not made to be his, but could become, if he shaped you to be his and only his. don't kings enjoy having pets? he should, as well.

the moment he realizes he is in love with you is definitely a bloody scenario. you have just ripped apart a curse with your bare hands. watching you like a hawk, he sees you — covered in purple blood and panting. sukuna wonders if you would show this same voracity in other situations.

if he took you to bed, would you agree happily, spreading your legs at him and laying down obediently for him to do as he pleases? or perhaps you would try to stab him, or open his chest with your bare hands, as you did with that inferior little creature? ripping his heart out, looking him in the eyes while you take a bite of it.

he licks his lips at the thought.

୨୧ TOGE INUMAKI — attracted to spontaneous and joy. fell first.

toge does not have the ability to communicate in words normally, due to his technique's nature. he is fortunate to have access to other means of communication ── cellphones, notepads, even sign language. but something that attracts him is the perspective of someone who understands him well, and who has the energy to speak for him.

the moment he realizes he is in love with you is during a conversation. he, you and his friends are all walking and gathered together, discussing casual things. even with the hectic routine that you all have, it is very important to have these moments where you can act like normal people and not just wizards (he will bring sweets for panda, to make up for him not being able to come).

maki turns around, asking what he wants to eat. toge considers for a few moments. he honestly doesn't feel hungry tonight, but before he can respond in his ingredient language, you look at him for a second and help him communicate.

“hey, wait! i don’t think he’s hungry. right, toge?” he nods, a little surprised that you can understand before he even says anything. and while the sounds of chatter disappear around him, he focuses on you and your face. you, who always pays attention to him. you, who understands him.

୨୧ TOJI FUSHIGURO — attracted to a mix of chaotic and calmness. fell harder.

the loss of mamaguro affected toji in indescribable ways. a man should never be forced to bury the love of his life, but that's what happened. as a result, he returned to bad habits and destroyed his own life. so, his type ends up being something very difficult to define. i think he would still like someone like mamaguro, but not completely. the type of person who can be chaotic as well as calm. someone who doesn't necessarily fix him again, but someone with whom he can see companionship and honesty. kind of like partners in crime.

of course he appreciates your kindness, but he really lacks showing it back. a part of him stays awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering why you're so good to him — when toji is fully aware he's not good enough for you. generally, he wouldn't mind. he moves from woman to woman, relationship to relationship, simply for money. why is he caring now?

the moment he realized he was in love with you was actually during an argument. toji is someone who is extremely difficult to deal with because of his relaxed and self-serving nature ── plus, he purposely acts annoying during fights, but you never freak out. well, today you freaked out. and while you're swearing at him from the rooftops and pointing accusingly, he can only stop and feel himself melting. for some reason.

it doesn't make sense, of course it doesn't make sense. but your calmness contrasted by such abrasive anger is extremely attractive. it's more than attractive. he feels like gasoline and you feel like a match. and god, how he wants to burn.

୨୧ YUJI ITADORI — attracted to gentleness, honesty, and pride. fell harder.

yuji's destiny has always been marred by constant and untimely misfortunes. he loses friends and fights, he fails in moments where he should win, and the destruction upon him is both physical and mental. but there is hope. a kind person who genuinely understands him and can help him take the reins or share the burden when it all gets a bit too much. someone who watches bad movies with him and laughs at the terrible jokes he makes. someone who is willing to help him forget the horrors of the world for five minutes, or be rational when he is emotional.

the moment he realizes he's in love with you is when he leaves the cinema. a (very disgusting) sequel to his favorite horror film series just came out, and you were the only person who agreed to watch it with him. as he excitedly searches the bottom of the popcorn bucket for some leftovers, he notices you looking at him. "what?" he mumbles, crunching on the popcorn.

you laugh lightly, reaching out to wipe his crumb-covered cheek. “yuji, your face is all dirty! wait, i’ll get a napkin.” that little contact of your palm with his cheek is── scorching. there is no other way to describe it. the sensation is so sudden that as you move away to grab a napkin, he lets the practically empty bucket fall to the floor.

there was so much tenderness in your stare, so much care and appreaciation. even if it wasn't your cup of tea, even if the movie would be a horrible set-up for a date, was this a date? even with all that, you— enjoyed it. enjoyed spending time with him, being with him, caring for him.

oh god. he is so in love.

୨୧ YUTA OKKOTSU — attracted to roughness and sincerity. fell first.

honestly, yuta's type can be a mean person. he wouldn't admit it, because he doesn't know how to say it without sounding almost like a masochist, but someone dragging him around by the collar while he smiles like an obedient dog is a pretty attractive prospect. he feels that he could cooperate very well with someone who is the very opposite of him ── as strange as it may seem. his type of person isn't really specific, he kind of just wants the basics: honesty, loyalty, affection. but if he could choose? someone more raw and honest, for sure. someone who would set the world on fire.

the moment he realized he was in love with you was in a strange and awkward situation. after an argument with one of his friends, you were just going to turn around and walk away at a steady pace. he doesn't like conflict, guys ── it's very stressful and makes yuta extremely anxious ── so his reaction is to just kind of stand there looking like an idiot. but you grab him by the arm and pull him away. “don't just stand there, yuta. let's go.”

“y—yes. of course.”

despite this, he knows you wouldn't be rude to him, or wouldn't be rude without a good reason. still, the almost angry tone in your voice and the authority you exude. even though he knew that in terms of power levels he would be stronger? totally attractive. he can see himself following you back and forth and a kind of dynamic that works like that. kinder and somewhat socially anxious boyfriend, and you, a scorching flame that consumes everything around you.

he kinda wants to be consumed, anyway.

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE. thank you for reading! <3ㅤㅤthis was not proofread.

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bitethedevil · 21 days

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Am i delulu or does raphael admire tav/durge? I know its him performing, but as gale says "inviting to dine with devil is devils equivilant of serenade and roses" and first scene where we meet him he does eye tav/durge througly from bottom to top. Also he says "im fan of your work" to durge. So idk?? It lowey feels like raphael is fond of us in game but i need proof/ professional analysis. [Ahem you are the professional mouse afterall heehee~]

He Loves Us, He Loves Us Not: What is Raphael’s Relationship with Tav/Durge?

*Puts on my little mouse glasses* I’m glad you asked. I’m summing up a few points that I have also written about in another analysis called ‘Raphael and weaponized mortality’, so if that sounds interesting, you can find it in my reading list.

Everything about Raphael screams wolf in sheep’s clothing (or a cambion in man’s clothing if you will). Here are a few points illustrating this:

Cambions naturally have a really predatory kind of stench to them because they are entirely carnivorous. Yet, he is described as a perfumed trickster who smells of cherries and sulphur, most likely because he is trying to cover up that smell.

Poetry, an art that is very dependent on nasty mortal concepts such as ‘feelings’, is something we know he uses a lot. He’s not really good at it and he even says it’s not his ‘main interest’ to Karlach in the second act. His theatrical nature and use of poetry humanizes him, and I think he is well-aware of this.

When you call him out as a devil in front of Mol, he says something about how she wouldn’t believe them anyway, ‘not with his angelic complexion’. We also know that Gortash’s parents sold him to a ‘warlock’ and that’s how he ended up with Raphael. I’ve seen multiple places that that warlock is supposed to be Raphael himself.

Now this all makes me believe that he usually does not reveal his true nature to his clients unless: 1) they’ve already signed, or 2) they are so utterly fucked that they have already reached the point of no return with him and are forced to take his deal no matter what.

Yet, he reveals his true nature to us from the get-go. Yes, one could argue that the tadpole-gang does fulfill option 2) according to him and that’s why he does it, but I think it could also be something else. I think he knows from early on that we are his best bet, so he chooses to lay out all his cards on the table and tries to build as much trust as he can from the beginning.

This is also the function of helping us with Astarion’s scars. Dealing with a devil when you’ve never dealt with one before? Scary. Dealing with a devil when he has proven once before to keep his word? Much less scary. He’s ‘grooming’ us for trusting him to keep his word with THE deal (and he gets to fuck over Daddy Meph by potentially robbing him of a lot of souls. Win-win.)

I think Gale is right on the money when he says that it’s ‘a devil’s equivalent to serenades and roses’. Raphael is like a bird or something. He’s showing off, charming us, but also reminding us that he is big and scary. Although despite the fact that he is big and scary ‘he simply wants to help us’.

He’s done his research and already knows everything about us, so he knows exactly how to play us. This is demonstrated in the comment to Durge in the beginning and the thing he says in Last Light if you tell him he knows nothing about you: “Don’t I indeed?.

I really think that we turn into an obsession for him at some point and that the lines between the obsession about the Crown and his obsession about us blurs. This seems definitely to be the case in his journals. I mean the poor guy has nightmares about us…

I also am so sure that he is not even trying to trick us into anything with the Orphic Hammer. He truly does believe that the Emperor is a threat to us. See this:

I DO think he admires us or at the very least is heavily rooting for us. I don’t remember the exact quotes, but Korrilla tells us in Sharess’s that her and Raphael made a bet about if we would make it to the Gate, and Raphael won that bet because we had. He really believes in our merry little band of idiots.

His reaction if we betray him is also very telling I feel like. Notice how his eyes widen for a moment before they narrow and say the ‘You’ line. He seems surprised. In that whole sequence he is obviously pissed, but most of all I also just get the feeling of a man that has been humiliated and who is angry that he had put so much time, work, and trust into us.

He says that ‘he is fond of us, in his way’ and that I completely believe. It might not be out of love or affection or anything like that, but he is as fond of us as a cambion can be of someone. We’ve grown on him, and he sees potential and use in us. We fascinate him and I’d even go as far to say that he respects us. I feel like even if you give him the Crown of Karsus and he gets to rule the Hells, he will not forget the people who brought him there. He would not flaunt the fact that he had mortals help him get the Crown, but I think that when he goes on his spree to fuck up the realms outside the Hells, Tav and gang would at the very least be spared or even given privileges in that new world order. Is that a bit fucked up? Yeah…But we have to remember what he is: a devil.

(Thank you so much for the ask <3 That became a long answer. I love to yap lol)

#raphael the cambion #raphael bg3 #bg3 raphael #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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vasito-de-leche · 2 months

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Hello!😄, I admire the way you write ✍️The way u never mischaracterized characters and the way you write them accurately is fascinating to read for ,and how you also took focus on small details about the character heck im starting to believe you work on the game R1999, if may I ask if you could write about Six from R1999 with a timid S/O or about a self-aware au of Six ? It had been my obsession of him after he came out and with his story making it more fascinating and made me attract towards him more

;R1999 6 - Self-Aware AU

Headcanons about how 6 would act upon becoming self-aware. Related to this Self-Aware AU post.

tysm for the kind words! I rlly like overthinking and overanalyzing stuff <3

I'll do the self-aware AU for this post to match the other one posted recently about 37, but feel free to send another ask if you'd still like 6 with a timid S/O!

There is a lot to be discussed about 6 and how all four characters of the 1.4 update contrast and complement each other so wonderfully, but I have a lot of trouble narrowing down what exactly I want to talk about here and what I should save for a proper analysis of the characters and the way I interpret them. So as usual, I ask that you guys bear with me with these trains of thoughts!

For starters, in my opinion, 6 is a very good narrative foil to 37.

Both focus on alienation and isolation from their respective communities, both are characters that struggle with the concept of fate, and both were born knowing their numbers--the key difference is the way each tackles this piece of information.

As discussed before in her own post, 37 does not question the reason why she's 37: like 210 says, "she stumbled upon fate at birth," and did not go through the same process of having to figure out one's number like the rest do. When it comes to 6, it's slightly different but the fundamentals are the same: he knows the number he will be assigned, and yet this revelation is not part of a natural process, it's something that us forced upon him and his family.

What I'm trying to say is that 37 and 6 weren't given the choice of discovering their soul numbers, and thus lack the most important part: the understanding of their own lives and selves. Compare this to 210, who became "too predictable" upon finding out his own soul number, or Sophia, who has clearly developed a very complex relationship with her own friends because of the inferiority and feelings of inadequacy she feels not knowing her own number.

And this is when the contrast between the two become clear: 37 is partially isolated from her community because she doesn't understand fate, nor the importance of one's journey, she doesn't respect the discovery of one's number. 6 is partially isolated from his community because no one else but him is able to see the concept of fate--or the Revelation--as a negative thing. His entire life, his entire bloodline is defined by fate and the Revelation, but only he understands the burden and the pain such knowledge entails.

Because only he has seen the way this Revelation takes over his loved ones, until they become strangers, mere vessels for infinite knowledge and bound to their role as perfect, eternal leaders. His character event shows the radical change in his aunt once she receives the Revelation and 6's fears of his entire self being rewritten once he receives it as well.

It's important to note that the moment Atticus becomes a proper 6 and receives the revelation happens on the very same day that everyone on the boat becomes a victim of the "Storm." Sophia's father and 37's mother were on that boat--but so was Alma, the current 6 at the time and Atticus' aunt. This event is crucial for all characters, as it cements their chosen paths: it's the study of the Emanation for 37, to continue her mother's research.

It's the day 6 will receive the Revelation and see if his efforts to prepare for it will amount to something.

And yet we know that 6 was able to withstand this Revelation without his entire self being washed away by the infinite amount of knowledge. We know this because we see him retain his hermit-like behaviour in the main story, avoiding people and preferring peace and quiet. We know this because, at the very end of this event, he says that the revelation is "just as simple as it is."

37 does not understand fate, but she doesn't fight it either because studying it won't change the fact that her soul number is 37. 6 understands and once feared fate, and he fought to resist it because his entire life, his memories, his personality and essence were at risk. I also really love that small detail about how 1.4 focuses on Plato's allegory of the cave, with 37 and 6 being put on this pedestal as those who witnessed the truth and came back to save the others--and yet, these two characters needed people OUTSIDE of the island to help them with their respective journeys (37 with Vertin, and 6 with Sophia). It just clicks so right to me!

In the context of a Self-Aware AU, I like to think that the self-awareness is something that comes with the Revelation. That every 6 before Atticus himself realized the truth of their world, similar to how 37 sees this self-awareness as yet another eternal truth. And because the number 6 is meant to represent harmony and perfection, they understand more than anyone that to ensure the peace in Apeiron, they cannot allow others to know the truth. Think of it as the whole deal with Pythagoras and irrational numbers--the discovery of irrational numbers ruined the whole system.

I think that a much younger 6 would've been distraught at this information, to know that Alma was the only person who was "real" and that he began to drift away from her because he couldn't recognize her anymore. But now, after receiving his Revelation and becoming the new leader, he might be more focused on appreciating life as it is. Why would he be bothered by knowing everything so far has been a script? He's already been haunted by fate his whole life, this is, in the end, the same thing. Of course, 6 is a philosopher in his own right, despite knowing pretty much everything there is to know, I think he would like to ponder about the more existential issues and topics that come with self-awareness.

I also like to think that his self-awareness and the Revelation come with knowing how the story will develop, at least in relation to Apeiron. He knows of Vertin's arrival, he knows of Arcana's schemes, he knows that by the end, Apeiron will be revealed to the human world. 6 believes it's impossible to change the course this game and its story, and the best thing he can do is help everyone prepare for it--I like to think that's why he specifically sent 37 to greet Vertin and the rest!

When it comes to finding out about the Player, I already said in 37's post that it would be very nice if she could see the player, but not hear them. And to contrast that, I wanted 6 to hear the player, but not see them.

The Player's existence is the one thing that 6 cannot pinpoint nor rationalize. He listens so very attentively when you speak, and he quickly realizes that you are not part of this infinite stream of knowledge from his ancestors, you're ... Just a person. What are you trying to teach him, if that is even your goal?

At first, I can see him struggle with this strange presence interrupting his very much needed alone time, choosing to remain silent until you go away, but he would grow to find it comforting, similar to his friendship with Sophia when they were children. You are an outsider, you're not part of this little world he lives in--you can offer a refreshing and different perspective. Once he's used to this new change, perhaps he will speak again, either to ponder out loud about your existence or monologue about whatever might be occupying his mind. Unlike 37, he wouldn't tell a single soul of your existence, largely because he believes it's something unique to him, entirely unaware that there's someone out there behind the screen rooting for him.

#reverse 1999 #reverse: 1999 #reverse 1999 x reader #reverse 1999 6 #6 #self aware au

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levmada · 3 months

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considering that lots of people say that Levi's main love languages is acts of service, how do you think he'd give reassurance to others? can be a friend or romantic partner, doesn't matter.

but do you think he'd just stay quiet and listen to the person talking, offer solution, try to do something nice for them?

i also say his main love language is acts of service :)

the distinction between affection and reassurance is important i feel. levi, who’s naturally empathetic, is the type of person who would commonly give reassurance, but in his own special way. this is reserved for words. on the other hand, levi shows affection very very rarely in canon - again in his own way, but with action and words.

to him, action is a step-up in his care/affection/respect towards a friend or loved one, so he’s more likely to give words than the latter. for example:

to reassure farlan after their argument in which farlan wants levi to follow his plan and let them come on the expedition, levi tells him that he’s going to trust him (or them both that he’ll believe in them, depending on the ova vs the manga).

to reassure eren at the start of the uprising about his inability to harden his titan form, levi basically goes on a rant about how disappointed everyone is and bitching about the situation before explaining how the air outside the walls smells better than inside… aka he wants everyone, especially eren, to keep fighting no matter the odds.

he reassures erwin during their last conversation by telling him that he fought well, and couldn’t have gotten this far without him, but also makes the choice that will kill many people into his own hands instead of leaving it in erwin’s, which is an act of service, as well as letting him pass was.

so to be succinct, levi’s reassurance is rarely affectionate, but when it is, it includes an act of service.

anyway, still, levi isn’t good with words and he knows it. he’s going to stay quiet as long as you want to speak.

what’s interesting about levi is that he always speaks logically, no matter what it’s about. (or almost always if my recollection isn’t 100%.)

for example, after the 57th expedition, as he and eren are waiting for erwin, instead of ‘i don’t want you to think that i hate or resent you; you can still be comfortable here. i know you idolize me, but im not infallible. plus whether it was your fault or not, we have to keep moving forward’ - levi complains and makes a bad attempt at a joke. eren points out that he’s rly being talkative, but levi claims that’s he’s *always* talkative. eren opens up a little about his regret, pointing out that even levi was injured, to which he reminds him that no one knows how things will turn out.

so he’s very straightforward but at the same time roundabout. it’s one of my favorite things about levi. it’s the frame of pretty much all of his interactions, including towards those he worries and cares about.

so if you want comfort it’s awkward, and he states a lot of seeming facts, but he feels it deeply, how much he wants you to be comforted.

so naturally, i don’t think levi is even capable of giving reassurance without a solution😭

“Levi im sad my brother died. i feel so alone :(”

“i’m not a stranger to loss either, so don’t worry. but don’t miss his funeral, because it’ll be your last chance to say anything to him. are you going alone?”

and yes, any degree of sadness you feel or comfort you want from him is guaranteed to come with small acts/favors, especially since he’s aware he doesn’t exactly thrive in that area.

all in all, for him words are difficult and touch is difficult, so he prefers using acts of service and quality time to give reassurance to you / someone he cares about. i don’t think gift-giving applies to reassurance, but if so, that falls in the middle for Levi ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#levi aot #snk levi #snk levi ackerman #levi ackerman headcanons #levi ackerman hc #aot hc #aot levi #aot fluff #attack on titan #aot meta #levi.thoughts

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shirefantasies · 1 month

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hiiii, just wanted to say i adore your blog, and i hope you're having a wonderful day! i don’t know if im late to requesting a matchup, but if you’re still doing them, im 5’9”, bi, ace and female. I’ve played the viola for almost a decade now, even though i hate performing due to stage fright, i LOVE to read, mostly fantasy and mystery, and am a massive art history and architecture nerd. i collect house plants and knit and crochet for fun. i’m pretty shy but once i get out of my shell i am extremely sarcastic yet cuddly lol.

-🪴

Nope, they’ve been opened up! Hope you like The Hobbit because I match you with…

Bofur!

Performing your viola in a tavern, you can’t help noticing the eyes of one particular patron stuck to you like glue. Puffing on his pipe thoughtfully, he maintains an intense, beckoning gaze your entire performance. When the keep tells you you’ve a drink from a guest, there’s not a single doubt in your mind it’s from the bloke in the hat. A spike of nerves runs through you- that had been one of your first performances with an audience, and having any sort of reception only heightens the self-awareness you're trying to avoid.

Accepting your drink, you nod a thanks at the hatted patron, who naturally heads your way. "Never seen you here before," he remarks. "And you may not much still," you shoot back, "I needed a spare bit of coin, but I did not visit this town to perform." "What did you visit it for?" "To study some of the neighboring towns and help repair them. What I have always really wanted to be is an architect." Whistling, the dwarf gives a big smile, one that tells you exactly how blown away he is. "By my beard, I didn't know I was in the presence of a genius. Well, here's hoping I'll see your designs one day!" "Oh, I have some with me, did you want to-" "Bust 'em out, lassie!"

Bofur, as it turns out his name is, ended up being quite the fun company. Perhaps, you consider, you will return to that tavern after all. As it is, your work carries you deeper into town, or rather you should say its ruins. Burnt as the buildings are, though, your scans and sketches give you a good sense for the overall style and structure of the place once called Dale. A team of dwarves awaits your sketches of one of the larger complexes, accepts them, and you move on. One structure stands out to you immediately, the cutest, coziest little place tucked away at the side of a dilapidated marketplace. "Whose is this?" You ask the dwarf builders. One sets aside one final stone on the cart he is loading to reply, "That would be one of ours, actually, lass. Three fellas from the Lonely Mountain bought that one. Plan on putting in a toy shop, they said." Your heart is beyond moved. "I want to design it." "What?" "I want to design it. Can I speak to them?" Nodding, the dwarf shrugs. "Why not? Not sure what they have in mind. I'll send for them."

What are the odds that they bring forth Bofur? Grinning and still in that hat, the dwarf introduces you to his cousin Bifur and his brother Bombur. No strong family resemblance, but the three of them are clearly thick as thieves. Bofur himself begins talking up your skills immediately, calling you a master architect and a viola virtuoso to boot and making you giggle. He shows you some of their little pull-alongs and wind-ups, bringing further smiles to your face and compliments to your lips. “See?” He says to the others, shooting you a wink. “She’s even got good taste.”

They all unanimously love your vision for the shop and even help out with rebuilding, so you get quite close to the entire plucky little trio. You almost refuse all the payment they offer, giving you money for your design efforts as well as a cut from the crocheted dolls you’d let them sell. Your shelves were getting full from your hobby, after all. Each dwarf gets a handmade gift as well: thick, warm gloves for Bombur’s mining trips, a bag for Bifur to carry his supplies in, and a new scarf for Bofur, who throws his arms around you and swears he’ll never take it off. You take it as a joke, but he always seems to have it slung around his neck from then on…

They often let you work quietly, take your time to recharge and just pull you into the occasional question or joke. Thus, you’re certainly not expecting Bofur to sit at your side one day while you work, hemming and hawing and wringing his gloved hands before he finally asks if you’ve ever put much thought into settling down. “Not that a toy shop is all that much excitement, but-” Grinning, you cut him off. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @kilibaggins @joonies-word @stormchaser819 @pirate-lord-of-narnia @datglutengoblin @letmelickyoureyeballs @mossyskinn | Reply/Ask/Message to join 🥰

***MATCHUPS ARE CLOSED***

#the hobbit #the hobbit imagines #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit matchups #bofur #bofur x reader #bofur x female reader #ask #anon #🪴 anon #requested #hope you like this plant 🥰#matchup monday

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1yyyyyy1 · 2 months

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it hurts so much being told by women that I'm not a victim after I express what this world does to women since the beginning even what other women do to individual women... These women were rf aligned... So they think that women are always the victims until its... Me? Because I'm "blackpilled" how can someone be this vile. Women were enslaved since the beginning of times and all other women co create our enslavement. I've been abused taunted gaslighted punished bullied ridiculed terrorised yet im not a victim? But other women always are?

How can women be this cruel while pretending to have virtue? All their tone policing must be secretly sadistic because its literally oppressive. They are like a curse to me at this point. How can creatures this filthy exist. Women are even naturally misogynistic in a way that they hold women to a higher standards and have more empathy for men. Like? Female socialization is aggressive. Scum behavior. Performative virtue

You are showing signs of genuine trauma to me because nobody who is not severely affected by a problem would react this harshly to it. I interact with the same type of women you are describing daily and I guarantee you that I do not react to their words the way you do, you are experiencing some kind of trauma response. You need to understand that your body is not these women's bodies and vice versa no matter how much they try to tell you otherwise, and that the acts they are engaging in are not being done to you. What they are essentially doing in trying to convince you that their problems are your problems is blackmailing you out of prioritizing yourself with things like "all of us have the potential to go through X or Y at the hands of men" (nevermind the fact that not all of us will go through the adverse effects of voluntary involvement with men, like infidelity, disappointment with your health and body after a successful pregnancy or violation of boundaries during consensual sex) and "if we all opted out, men would take it by force" — there will be no "opting out" for every woman on Earth and I have literal proof of them wanting to risk sex or pregnancy voluntarily on my blog. Opting out is for the select few who want to do nothing with heterosexual nonsense even if the price of doing so is death because partaking in their drivel is death, physical and spiritual, and if they really did care about distancing themselves from it all that much they would know that death is the least you will be willing to put up with. The behavior they engage in is perfectly avoidable. Is it hard? It is, but "hard" is very different from the "impossible" they are trying to paint it as.

"So they think that women are always the victims until its... Me?" — exactly. It is very easy to see that they lack integrity with how much they pick and choose who's a victim a who isn't in their eyes. It takes zero braincells to say "every woman is a victim" and actually approach women with that mindset, and when someone fails to do that despite preaching it over and over again, it means that there is some kind of internal agenda that they themselves may not be aware of.

I don't think they are aware of what they are doing per se, intent requires introspection and people like that are usually too caught up in their heads to do any sort of internal work to understand why they behave the way they do. At the end of the day, what matters is that their actions towards you are harmful and their lack of self-awareness doesn't signify that their behavior should be excused. Both you and me have been at it for years with trying to make these women see reason to only end up being abused and hit on the head in return, so my question is — why force yourself to put up with this? Because of the possibility of them coming to their senses and us banding together in our quest to eradicate male violence? You and these women have a different understanding of what constitutes it; you hate PIV and pregnancy and consider them violating while they don't, which is something they readily admit to, but what is even more grating is that they are not allowing you to express your disgust and exert your boundaries because they are fragile enough to think that another person's preferences reflect something about them as a person.

You don't need women to stop doing anything to get better and I am saying that from experience. What is more is that, in trying to "help" these women or by simply being around them, you are hurting a woman (yourself) which nullifies all of your feminist effort. If you want to take care of an abused woman, you need to start taking care of yourself. I can tell you with certainty that these women are well-off psychologically, at the very least compared to you, because no one with severe trauma is out there complaining about doing 50/50 with their man on an internet forum, they are terrified of men to the point where they can't stand the thought of being near one or are left in a catatonic state and I have seen that happen first-hand. I always say the following to anyone who's ever dealt with a serial abuser or put up with chronic abuse — you have years of experience with trying to get that person or lifestyle work for you, and you don't need me to tell you that the connection you are in is a certain death because it is likely reflected in your lack of productivity, overall misery or even the desire to "cross the rainbow bridge". You know what it is like to be hitting rock bottom and you might as well take a leap of faith to try and distance yourself from it. It is you or them and at some point you will have to choose.

#ask

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mbti-notes · 4 months

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hi! im an entj and i wanted to know if you have any tips on how to be a better student whilst not thinking too much about grades or results. i feel like i place alot of emphasis on grades and results and i think it often hinders me at times. i often have trouble finding more ''meaning'' in my work and i'm not sure how to add more value into it other than achieving a good grade.

Your question is too vague because you haven't specified what level of schooling you're at and what your idea of a "better" student looks like. This "hinders you" how exactly? What is the exact nature or source of your discontent? What exactly are you aiming for? Without this context, it's hard to craft a response.

Did you know that professors in the US are witnessing a "literacy crisis" in their students that has never before been observed in the history of modern education? While there have always been unmotivated and underachieving students, nowadays, an alarming percentage of motivated students are barely able to handle more than ten pages of text at a time (the average assignment used to be 20-30 pages), nor are they able to analyze and comprehend the meaning, themes, or arguments being communicated in the text.

A literacy deficit poses a serious threat not just to the student's individual success, but also to the integrity of higher education and the functioning of society. Colleges have no choice but to "dumb down" their offerings over time. But more importantly, a successful democracy is difficult to sustain without intelligent and literate citizenry making sound judgments about complex social, political, and economic issues.

One obvious factor contributing to this problem is that many students have fallen behind due to the pandemic. Another obvious factor is the smartphone and the major role it has played in decimating people's attention spans. Extended focus and concentration are extremely important for learning, but endless internet scrolling trains the mind to expect rapid change and crave instant gratification. Yes, anyone who genuinely wants to be a good student should care deeply about the factors that hinder/inhibit their learning process. Increasingly, misuse of technology, such as smartphone addiction and excessive reliance on AI, is a major factor that prevents students from reaching their greater potential.

High school and college students are still in the early stages of ego development. Since their self-awareness hasn't had much time to develop, they don't tend to be aware of their own underlying motivations, for example, they will often just do something because it's just what everyone around them does. Additionally, heavy social media consumption at this stage of life leads them to believe that "success" is just for show or about obtaining likes/praise.

This brings us to the main factor to consider, which is that students are increasingly trained to be motivated by extrinsic rewards. For example, in the US, school funding is often tied to exam scores, so teachers have been forced to focus more and more on teaching only to exams, in order to secure funding. Higher education has also become much more competitive, which means excellent grades are essential for securing a seat in university.

While there is nothing wrong with extrinsic motivation per se, there is something wrong when a person is only motivated by extrinsic rewards, to the point where they are completely ignorant/neglectful of intrinsic rewards. The research strongly suggests: People who are more intrinsically (than extrinsically) motivated tend to be better learners because they assign their own value to learning and understand the inherent virtues of intellect, knowledge, and skill, apart from their real-world applications. The topic of intrinsic motivation comes up often, I suggest you read past posts.

Before you asked me for "tips", did you put in a reasonable effort to inquire into yourself and figure out why you overemphasize extrinsic rewards? Could you come up with the reasons/causes on your own, through self-reflection? It's difficult to find the right solution to a problem when you don't understand its origins. This is an important point because a common symptom of extreme extrinsic motivation is abnormally low self-awareness due to having little to no inner life. How's your inner life?

With regard to type development, people who are very extrinsically motivated tend to a) be too easily influenced by environmental factors, and b) lack introverted development. The answer to your question already lies within you, specifically, in the state of development of your introverted Ni and Fi functions:

1) Extrinsically motivated people tend to believe that their life lacks meaning because the world lacks meaning. What they don't realize is that meaning starts from within, so the actual problem is that they aren't able to generate enough meaning on their own.

Ni is a key function for constructing meaning, usually through patiently exploring context and connections to a bigger picture (of life as a whole and/or the world at large). As such, lack of Ni development commonly manifests as:

dislike of ambiguity (due to preferring clear categorical answers)

impatience for complexity (due to wanting easy answers)

superficiality (due to not going beyond the known/obvious)

lack of vision (due to overemphasis on rapid results)

Since you didn't provide any details about function development, I can't speak to how much you struggle with the above issues. The only thing I can say is that all of them are detrimental to learning. Clarify your aim: Do you want to be a good student in school or a good learner in life? Do you know the difference? It is the difference between lower order versus higher order learning, which I have already explained in previous posts.

A good student wants to know the final answer. A lifelong learner uses ambiguity as an opportunity to explore more nuanced truth.

A good student can handle some challenges but stops at the most difficult point. A lifelong learner takes the initiative to unravel complexity and eventually encounters profound wisdom.

A good student reads the book all the way through. A lifelong learner is intellectually curious, which leads them to discover new realms of knowledge far beyond the book.

A good student follows instructions and is reasonably competent as a result. A lifelong learner sees the greater potential of the field as a whole and gradually becomes an expert as they attempt to realize that potential.

If a certain activity or subject matter doesn't hold any meaning for you, is it because it's boring, or is it because you haven't really given it a proper look? This isn't to say that you have to be an expert on everything; it is only to say that you won't be able to truly appreciate something until you dig deeper into it and actively nurture appreciation for it. This brings us to the second point...

2) Extrinsically motivated TJs tend to believe that "utility" is the only measure of value. What they don't realize is that value is inherent to existence, so the actual problem is an inability to recognize value.

Fi is a key function for assigning value, usually through forming uniquely personal and intensely emotional attachments. As such, lack of Fi development often manifests as:

taking things for granted (due to not honoring their value)

dismissive attitude (due to lack of emotional attachments)

passionless existence (due to fear of emotional intensity)

Again, I can't speak to how much you struggle with the above issues. I can only inform you that they also tend to be quite detrimental to learning:

Human beings need to stay fed and sheltered in order to survive, but they also need activities that affirm their humanity and enrich their life. What happens to learning if your only concern is securing a comfortable material life?

Human beings learn best through feeling deeply moved and inspired by the best of what humanity has to offer. What happens to learning if you remove the human component of knowledge and only treat it as "data", just another object for your consumption and disposal?

Human beings discover themselves and express themselves through their varied interests, which is how every subject comes to have its fans, devotees, and experts. What happens to learning if you refuse to take an interest, downplay enthusiasm, and temper or repress passion?

If a certain activity or subject matter doesn't hold any value for you, is it because it is "worthless", or because you are blind to its value? This isn't to say that you must love everything; it is only to say that you won't be able to know yourself truly and feel energized about learning as long as you have a habit of dismissing every aspect of life that isn't immediately or practically "useful" to you.

Having intrinsic motivation basically means you generate your own personal reasons for learning. Nobody can force you to care or take an interest. Becoming an adult means you have to be the one to realize the virtues of going above and beyond whatever is required to ace exams. It may all sound very abstract, but this makes the difference in determining whether you will end up being just another cog in the machine of society or whether your life will always feel imbued with a greater sense of meaning.

#entj #auxiliary ni #inferior fi #learning #intrinsic motivation #passion #ask

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thesherrinfordfacility · 10 months

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the analysis on aziraphale that exactly one person asked for✨ and that i churned out at a speed that surprised even me, but i wanted to get it out without having seen s2 on 26th/28th and therefore being influenced in any way with further aziraphale content...

anyway, i said in an ask that i find aziraphale really challenging and emotional to analyse but by god am i going to do my best✨ (im not sure when exactly i gained the emerging reputation for calling out two of my favourite literary characters, but we move-)

aziraphale has a real big issue with faith, misplacing that faith, and turning that faith into idolising certain things. now the obvious one is the blind, naive faith in heaven. there's also arguably, at times, issues with his faith in humanity, in that his faith was placed elsewhere (see above re: heaven). but lastly, he also has an issue with his faith in crowley. ive waxed lyrical on the last one already, but didn't really delve into the effect that this has directly on crowley, so let's touch in this a little now.

similarly to what i feel about crowley, i think that whilst aziraphale has a more natural affinity for kindness and compassion, im not entirely convinced that he is inherently a good person - certainly not in the show, in any case.

he is however certainly more 'good' than the majority of his kin. and not all of that is due to his literal being an angel, because we know first hand that being angelic is not synonymous with good. we know that other angels actively distort the perception of their association with 'good' (michael when talking to ligur, "of course you can trust me... im an angel!") to benefit themselves. ultimately, the literal antithesis of altruism, and so it can't be the case that aziraphale has propensity for good just because he's an angel.

as far as we are aware, he has had the relatively same experiences, on earth particularly, as crowley. the only notable exception to this is the fall, which obviously aziraphale did not go through. crowley comes out of the fall, in my opinion, very much stuck at that point in time, and hasn't truly moved on or grown from it, mentally or emotionally. so all of his experiences through the next 6000 years have been endured whilst he's still in this almost childlike mindset. this mindset might be due to (if we're applying human emotional concepts here) abandonment trauma, and a part of me agrees, but i think its predominantly out of bitterness, resentment, and possibly even arrogance and plain denial.

aziraphale however did not go through the fall, and therefore when we see him skipping through time and into the present day (s1 era), he still holds a stake of faith in heaven and its machinations. however, what sets him apart from the other angels is that he has had experiences that they have not, by virtue of being on earth and experiencing first- and second-hand the repurcussions that heaven's games have on humanity... the community that aziraphale is now essentially exiled to be a part of. part of what aziraphale has learnt, i think (and was pointed out very succinctly by the Longwinded Anon✨ in a previous ask - now officially their name), is literally how to learn from error.

aziraphale's faith in heaven gets torn down when he realises that they are choosing to retcon humanity just to be able to prove to hell that they are superior. this is something that aziraphale ultimately perpetuated in his compliancy and inaction where heaven's overall agenda is concerned, but also in his blind faith that heaven surely wouldn't want the earth destroyed, god's ultimate creation... surely not? well, that proves to be the case, and aziraphale finally twigs that heaven was not a Good Place. it was his error - his blind faith in and subservience to heaven - but he learns from it.

his faith in humanity is still a work in progress for most of s1, in that he has one foot in thinking that they are capable of great things, but also one foot out because he knows that they have capacity to wreak utter horror and terror all by themselves (just as crowley remarks time and time again). however, he has his growth moment where this is concerned, in the form of accepting that humanity is truly a mix of both good and evil, and that without one, humanity cannot truly be defined as the other. he expresses this revelation to adam during the timestop; that adam is human incarnate by being neither good nor evil, but perhaps a mix of both. it feels like an apology, an apology that could be interpreted as one aziraphale is giving to all of humankind. he's apologising for not committing to his faith in them. it was an error - but he learns from it.

but what about crowley? well, as already agonised over, he goes so far in having faith in crowley that, in my opinion, he's built crowley in his mind to be someone else entirely, and yet somehow exactly who crowley is. aziraphale knows that crowley is altogether a bit of a bastard (understatement, frankly), but he trusts that crowley will always know what the right - good - thing to do is. is this misguided, misplaced? yes, i think it is. and i think crowley knows this, at least on some level, and again in his arrogance takes advantage of this.

but what effect does aziraphale's faith have on crowley? well, i don't necessarily think it has a detrimental effect on him, because i think it ultimately benefits crowley - who, again, in his childlike mindset still, has someone who believes in him and will follow him and want to know him. id even say that crowley, faced with the prospect that one wrong move he could end up truly alone, will peversely do some pretty questionable things to keep this. a specific highlight being the tempting aziraphale to kill warlock; if he were truly trusting in aziraphale, i think he'd actually ask and explain why he needs aziraphale to do it instead of him. instead, he tries to tempt him into it and giving him quite underhanded rationalisations as to why it's necessary. this comes to a head at the bandstand when aziraphale flips this on its head, and suggests that given that he's an angel, and crowley is a demon, it should be crowley that does it.

this is where i come to the point where i think aziraphale fails as a friend and possibly is equally damaging to crowley as vice versa; he holds his status as an angel over crowley's head. he remarks pretty consistently throughout that crowley is a demon, and he is an angel; whilst on one level this is just simply an observation, it also feels like he has to clarify the power and status imbalance for a specific reason. im not necessarily clear on what this reason is, but my main thought is that it's out of insecurity with his place in heaven, amongst the angels, on earth... and with crowley.

he seems to constantly need to reassert himself as the better of the two, and at times can be outright patronising ("I am an angel, you are a demon, we are hereditary enemies... get thee behind me, foul fiend!"). now some of this equally is for comedy's sake, and in part for exposition to us as the viewer, but the clear integral theme for me is that he expects crowley to just accept it, and not to challenge it. because of course, how could crowley challenge it? it's true, it's a fact.

but the way i kind of interpret these moment is that aziraphale reiterates it very purposefully whenever crowley begins to toe the line of, 'im a demon but i might possibly want to be better than a demon... not an angel, per se, but just better'. so we can take this as crowley finally wanting to move on from his Fall-mindset, and he needs the support of his friend to do it, but his friend won't let him due to his own insecurity and instability. does he fear that crowley would supplant him? or that crowley would stop needing him? start pulling away from him, when all this time these two lonely individuals have danced around in orbit of each other, locked together in a holding pattern borne out of their respective co-dependent necessity for each other?

aziraphale's ultimately a very lonely individual; crowley was, for whatever reason he fell, ripped away from the kinship and camaraderie that he felt in heaven. but aziraphale wasn't shown this kind of perverse mercy; he has to feel the debilitating agony of knowing that on paper he still belongs, but that instead he's ostracised from heaven because of who he inherently is and has continued to become because of his experiences in earth. it stands to reason therefore that he puts crowley on a pedestal as aziraphale originally saw, and wants to see, him. he selfishly (imo) keeps trying to contain crowley, because if he changed, and then suddenly found he doesn't have any need of aziraphale anymore... well, what purpose would remain for aziraphale, a purpose that he truly cares about, if crowley's dependency were to disappear?

where would that leave aziraphale?

#good omens #good omens season 2 #crowley #aziraphale #good omens speculation #good omens meta #i keep diverting to shit on crowley but i promise i tried to stay on task #these two characters were ultimately meant to be the one person originally so analysing one without the other is TOUGH #anyway #also be warned i did all of this from memory so if there are holes just ignore them shh shh #s1 meta #aziraphale meta

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poopyballz28 · 11 months

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Some Baki characters as middle school kids

wrote this a long while ago, but i tweaked it and now im ready to show it off

remember to like and subscribe

Kozue

• She's a pretty quiet and timid girl, she doesn't have many friends, and she's usually seen alone with her iPod and headphones in (listening to Vocaloid songs i just know i am the writer here i make the decisions)

• Some girls are definitely envious of her beauty, like she is PRETTY pretty. I wonder what hair products she uses...knowing her though, it'd be silly if she just had naturally flowy, beautiful hair.

• Probably has been asked out by boys several times, she's really cute and has an adorable personality, it's pretty inevitable. She never understands why they like her so much though.

• Always randomly zoning off in the middle of class, looking out the window. Her few friends are a bit concerned but are aware of her lost in the clouds type attitude.

• Forgets to do her homework a lot. Her grades and performance are very good, and that's a definite, but she's just incredibly forgetful. She just gets home and doesn't remember if she has anything to do. She just immediately turns on some anime or pulls out some Shonen Jump when she gets home.

• These hc's are just...my normal hc's for her. Curses. Whatever, it still applies here, DO NOT DEFY ME

Jack

• Really reserved and quiet, most of the class is really intimidated by him. Just the way he talks and looks at you with a death glare. It freaks everyone out.

• He's kind of a target for bullying because of how to himself and a bit scary he is, but he doesn't care and doesn't plan to do anything about it. They're always too daunted to insult him to his face. Jack focuses his time on getting stronger, not some losers making fun of him.

• Often scolded for never doing or turning in his work. He just feels he has better things to do. When he does do his work though, he's not exactly the best. His worksheets are surprisingly (or perhaps, unsurprisingly) filled with scribbles and rough little doodles.

• He doesn't really have many "friends", but one immune to his flaws is Kureha. He acts as if Jack is a friend he's known for ages, despite them only meeting during the current school year. He tends to hang out with him and help him out with his homework as well, because lets be real, Jack's grades are not looking too hot.

• The whole class thinks it's strange how out of everyone in the class, those two are the ones who are closest.

• Kureha definitely insists he do some small science experiments on Jack, Jack only complying if it leads to the growth of him getting stronger. It's like a mad scientist and his test subject, except two 12 year olds.

Katsumi

• He's a really popular student. He's attractive (in middle school standards), strong, leader of his own karate club and his dad's the principal of the school. He's almost always surrounded by people wanting to talk or hang out with him.

• Many girls have huge crushes on him, he usually has to let them down though. He's really focused on his karate and fighting and just doesn't particularly want any kind of lover. He's much more interested in running his club than young love. He values friendship more than anything.

• Always urging strong kids to join the karate club. He wants to expand his club as far as possible and spar with anyone worthy. He focuses so much on his club and karate his grades unfortunately suffer. You can't blame him though, everyone in the karate club is really close with each other and it's really endearing how its almost like a big family of middle schoolers in there.

• He's a really smart kid, and is able to excel in a lot of subjects, but he gets the most significant grades in PE class specifically.

• Hangs out with Hector quite a bit, they are almost polar opposites of each other, but hang out anyway. They're always seen doing homework or eating lunch together. He's one of Hector's only friends.

• Also really looks up to Kiyosumi, he thinks his strength and confidence is super admirable. Currently in the middle of trying to get him to join the karate club. He's somewhat becoming more of a delinquent because of how much Kiyosumi is rubbing off on him.

Kiyosumi

• He's 100% a delinquent who chills at the back of the school and likes to skip his classes. He's well liked by his delinquent disciples who think his fighting is radical.

• He has been suspended multiple times for starting fights and beating up kids for looking at him wrong. He wants any excuse to hurt someone or show off his fighting.

• He's avoided by normal kids in the school but swarmed by other delinquents and juveniles. He's a super cool figure for them. He's just popular enough for Katsumi to take notice.

• Despite the fact there are always students who praise him, he's a very lonely kid. He acknowledges the fact that the people who swarm him don't care about him as a person at all, they just like the idea of a leader with cool fighting abilities. As much as they make his ego swell, they wont be able to purge his hatred for others or even aid his loneliness. No matter how much euphoria will course through his veins and throughout his mind after defeating somebody, that empty feeling will always come barreling back in the end. He would never let anyone know that though. Never.

• That got deep. Wait till you guys find out that was also just a general headcanon for him. Anyway, Kiyosumi fucking LOVES workshop class. He will not skip that shit. This kid has a passion for cars and motorcycles (go figure)

• Katsumi decided to duel with Kiyosumi behind the school, but ended up getting his shit rocked and went flying into some garbage cans. Kiyosumi, (trying to be cool) hits him with a "Beat it, kid." but Katsumi stood up and immediately ushered him to join the karate club after falling victim to his strength.

• Surprisingly, Kiyosumi's grades aren't all that bad. His downfall is just that he always skips or doesn't do his work at all even though he's strangely intelligent (to an extent, of course)

Retsu

• He's a really quiet kid who's undoubtedly diligent at his work. He doesn't know many people besides Katsumi and a few others.

• You can easily find him in the back of the class studying or reading a book. People look up to how smart he is, he's top of his class. Although he does tend to burn himself out a bit.

• Really passionate in cooking class, he loves making some Chinese dishes with the few ingredients he's provided. Tends to ignore teacher directions so he can make what he wants to.

• A member of the karate club (by Katsumi's request) even though he uses a whole different fighting style. After Katsumi sparred with Retsu and lost, they've been friends and have been training together ever since.

• It's quite shocking to other students how this quiet kid who is usually just reading in the back of the class is such a strong and confident fighter. I imagine many kids watched the fight between Katsumi and him, and he's gained unwanted notoriety for his win. He tried to keep his fighting life on the down low and focus on grades.

• He definitely gets rebellious and immature sometimes, don't get me wrong. Katsumi had him open up a little, and now he's more free with his fighting (even though real battles aren't allowed on school grounds) He isn't afraid to spar with someone if they initiate it, school grounds or not. This kid just really wants to kick some tail.

Hector

• Quite the mysterious kid, usually just sitting and watching the view from outside the classroom windows with a blank expression. He's not at all unfamiliar with others talking behind his back or bullying him.

• Stays quiet when he's bullied in somewhere public but if he's ever assaulted alone or off of school grounds, that bully will probably be found with some pretty gnarly knife wounds.

• He doesn't seem to be interested in many things, or even passionate in his grades at all. It's almost like he's there because he has to be.

• He's always showing up to school with nicks or bruises. It's not entirely clear how he gets them or why they appear so frequently, but they certainly don't go unnoticed by others. They don't seem to bother him very much though.

• What I can say for certain though is that this kid is pretty fucking disturbed. Brought a pocket knife to school and shanked someone pretty badly. He was suspended soon after and rumors started to multiply and spread across the playground.

• Tends to run into Retsu by accident and gets partner assignments with him by pure chance. It was extremely awkward the first few times but they both realized they probably need to get used to each others company. They've surprisingly gotten close, Retsu wanting to understand the mystery behind Hector and why he's alone all of the time. Although some of Retsu's prying or questions make Hector a bit nervous. (definitely some home issues going on)

• He also likes being around Katsumi as well. Though, "like" is a strong word, for him at least. Like Retsu, Katsumi also wants to understand Hector. He thinks he's just misunderstood and makes an effort to talk to him even if some of their views on things are vastly different.

Kosho

• Trademark emo/edgy nervous kid who keeps to himself. He's a little bit of a crybaby, frankly.

• He really likes to draw, you may be able to catch him doodling some cool vkei clothing designs in his notebook. He's pretty embarrassed about them though, he always covers the pages when he thinks someones looking.

• Throughout all of his seemingly timid nature, its clear that some deep issues and hate are slowly brewing inside of him. The overshadowing from his brother and the teasing over his interests are not helping him in that regard either.

• Sometimes gets into small altercations with kids who like to poke fun at him. Kosho really struggles to stand up for himself but whenever he happens to find the courage to, his brother is always a step ahead and ready to protect him. After he deals with that, he proceeds to lecture Kosho about getting into fights and how he should go study for his math quiz next week.

• As much as Kosho loves his brother he wishes he would just...leave him alone sometimes.

• Was able to make friends with Katsumi due to their liking of karate and Katsumi's overall kindness after seeing Kosho sitting alone all of the time. The two have gotten pretty close.

#baki the grappler #baki hanma #baki dou #baki son of ogre #baki headcanons #grappler baki #anime #manga #kiyosumi katou #katsumi orochi #kozue matsumoto #jack hanma #kosho shinogi #kureha shinogi #hector doyle #retsu kaioh

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i-write-sin-not-tragedy · 4 months

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So, I am worried about Lucifer staying at the Hotel. I feel like having a super powerful and influential character on the crew would make every problem too easy to solve.On top of that, I am afraid that it might underestimate Charlie’s character more. Like, I feel the show made a big deal to show that she is naïve and sheltered. I feel like she still depends too much on her dad and friends . That is fine. However, I kinda want to see Charlie learning to defend herself on her own and solving her own issues. She did a little of that in season one, but I want to see her develop more. What do you think?

Charlie, IMO, has the classic "Shonen protagonist" character type where i think her bonds and friendships ARE her power.

I keep seeing a lot of people focus on her physical power levels and being "helped too much," but im asking you— why is getting help so bad? Charlie just isn't a natural fighter. She's a lover, a listener. She's good at connecting to people. Having the others and her dad around to help isn't a bad thing for her at all.

Idk if its just bc shes a female protagonist, but I do often see people dismiss the actions of a female lead if she isn't depicted as some raging badass who doesn't need help and thats never set well with me.

Charlie's character has always been that shes not the best fighter, and she doesn't *want* to be. Love is her power and i think thats a deeply respectable thing.

Learn to defend herself? But she did?? She has? Many MANY times. Granted, she tends to be more ready to fight for someone she cares about more than herself, but i find that DEEPLY relatable. Husk did call her out for "wanting to fix everyones problems but her own" so shes fully aware of her own behavior. I'd like to see that explored for sure, how she clearly doesn't see herself in a good light. But her actions have gifted her this adoring family who all immediately banded together to help her because she loved them.

I have SUCH a soft spot for characters who only know how to love others, not themselves, and the turn around being that because they've given so much, all these people are happy to give back to them.

I think my best comparison is that she actually reminds me a LOT of Sora from kingdom hearts

(I could also go on a whole platonic!Rainbowdust rant here about how both Charlie and Angel are great at caring for others but not themselves and how that clashes between them but owkfkwkfke god i got a whole ass fic about that ill stop here)

I don't exactly know how having Lucifer around will change things, but i doubt this writing team will use him as a fix-all. They didn't with Alastor, so i doubt they will with Lucifer either.

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #ill defend this girl to my dying breath lmfao #☁️💬

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pjsk-writin · 1 year

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Helllo hiii! Uhmm im really not good at explaining, im sorry TvT but can i request tsukasa and rui (separately) suddenly shouting at the reader out of stress because theres so many things that needed to be done and fix in their upcoming shows or in school(you can choose!)that's all, thank you sm!!

oh dw, you're fine!! tried to make this a hurt/comfort for the boys, but if you want anything changed, lmk!! hope you like this! <3

♡ STRESSED SHOUTS - Tsukasa Tenma and Rui Kamishiro x Reader

Tsukasa:

Tsukasa is naturally loud, this is what he's known for after all

However, he doesn't usually shout at people-

It was a random day in the week, and he was stressed out working on a new show

You went to ask him to do something, and he snapped

"Can't you get someone else to do it?!" An uncharacteristic frown was on his face as he looks off to the side, clenching his jaw, "Everyone expects me to do everything all of the time! I'm so sick of it! I'm so-"

He cuts himself off, eyes going wide before he looked back to you. "I- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

You walk up to him, taking his hand in yours before pulling him into a hug. "Hey, you're alright, my star. You're alright."

He would end up crying in your arms, shaking and begging for your forgiveness.

All you could do was hold him closer, gently reassuring him that it was all alright. <3

Rui:

Rui may not be as loud as his troupemates, but he raises his volume from time to time

It's rare, but he'll snap at people sometimes. He apologizes afterwards though

It was a random day, and he was stressing out over the new show

He had been overworking himself, you noticed. You went to intervene, and he cracks

"I'm fine, alright?! Just leave me alone!" He looks over his work, everything that he needs to do, and grimaces, "I am more than aware of my limits, now could you please let me get back to it?"

He didn't even seem to notice that he shouted, and kept working. It wasn't until you place your hands on his shoulders that he freezes

"Rui..." You sigh, shaking your head before looking at him, "Take a break, we both know you wouldn't have shouted at me if you weren't at your limit already."

Despite his stubborn insistence not to, you make him take a break. He'll sit across from you, looking down at his hands before sighing

"I...I apologize. That was...Uncalled for." He will look up at you with a determined look, "I'll make it up to you, I swear." And he does exactly that <3

#pjsk x reader #project sekai x reader #tsukasa tenma x reader #tenma tsukasa x reader #rui kamishiro x reader #kamishiro rui x reader

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theonlyadawong · 1 year

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a lot of people tend to think leon is constantly very angry with, or at least frustrated by ada, on account of her lies and manipulation, and while i do believe that feeling of his applies to all of their interactions of re2, i believe this frustration is not that present post re2, and it is in fact is because so many players project their own anger, frustration and even hatred of ada onto leon in the later games, as the more time he spends as a government agent, the more he understands ada and the world she comes from.

leons core tenet is that he wants to help people, so what does he do? he becomes a police officer because he believes cops do the most good (a sentiment that shows he is wearing EXTREMELY rose colored glasses lol), and then he heads to Raccoon City, and while in RC he helps everyone he can. and he is SO good natured that the idea that ada could be lying to him is so far from his mind (NOTE: this is NOT a sign of him being the heavily infantilized man fans make him out to be, and more a sign of general ignorance of the world, as frankly, nobody besides annette has any reason to believe ada would be a spy) because the world of mercenaries and espionage are so far removed from what he believes to be his reality. this is a man who fully believed becoming a police officer was the right way to help people. (and yes im aware of his established backstory where a cop saved him when the rest of his family died due to some crime. this still doesnt make being a cop the right thing to do.)

and so ada strings him along for her own personal gain, and at the end leon learns of her deceit. and the biggest betrayal leon experiences is not from ada, its just that the confrontation scene is the 11 o'clock number for leons half of the game, thus making it stick with us longer, as we the player have also been fooled by her. but no, the biggest betrayal happens when the government decides to cover up the horrors of raccoon city and use sherry as collateral to get him to work for them. and, unfortunately, this is only shown for a few minutes in resident evil darkside chronicles and in the epilogue screens of the original resident evil 3 (re 4 remake might add more to this, but that game hasnt come out as of yet, but heres hoping lol), so we dont fully get to see how he reacted to that outside of these moments and a few other passing thoughts in the series.

but!!! leons entire worldview crumbles after the events of 2, and the next time leon and ada meet in 4, he is wise to the world, and he has seen firsthand the atrocities the united states government is willing to commit under the guise of helping people. and people like ada, people who lie and manipulate and work for evil, greedy organizations (well intentioned or not) are now everywhere. theyre a dime a dozen. they are annette. they are luis. they are krauser. they were his recruiter. they are his boss. they are the president. they are the entire government he was so excited to work for.

ada just has the benefit of being his first introduction to these kinds of people

to be clear, im not saying leon is suddenly okay with her half-truths, but i am saying after he is forced to work for the government, he understands her, or at least, understands people like her, so much more so he knows exactly what to expect. just not when to expect it.

#resident evil #meta #also. and this should be obvious given my url. but im an ada fan #so dont clown on her on this post bc you will be blocked.#also im not an essayist so the formatting might suck lol #actually this is really more me rambling and calling it meta but you know what?#it is what it is baby!#anyways if u liked this then im sending you love and if you didnt then keep it to yourself.#anyways (pt. 2) a lot of you project your feelings of other characters on to leon and its!!!!! so fucking annoying.#again this is heavy rambling that i just. needed to get out of my drafts so. here!#and this is the best its gonna get so. here.#re #[l. s. kennedy; appendage of the enemy]

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ge · 7 months

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sumt about chung myung having a (relatively) softer heart than tang bo makes me melt... u can see tang bo doesn't reach out to things that he feels doesn't need it, but chung myung actively takes things into his heart... man i love how they're so diff from how they're presented as. usually the smiley, touchy one would be the self sacrificial one

(idk where this is from but is tang bo actually cold to others when not in front of chung myung...? this is such a popular thing i see in works lol)

yall genuinely have no idea how often im thinking about tangchung character studies theyre so interesting to pick and prod at.. chung myung keeping his softness under so many many layers of rock hard defense and even when u get close enough to him to break those walls down, hes so unused to being unprotected that gentleness feels like something that has to be coerced, gripped, and dragged out of him, affection making his chest feel clogged and cumbersome, and love felt so heavily it feels like it could bring down the sky.. he feels with such an overwhelming excessiveness that displaying it freely in any way other than casual familiarity feels like humiliation, and asking for it in return even more shameful.. he is a empty house hungry to be lived in and yearning for a flame but he would much rather let his terse and concise and seemingly brutish actions speak louder than his softness, no matter how it may end up being interpreted....my long winded way of saying i think chung myung has an extreme hedgehog dilemma and is a tsundere about it

tang bo is a little trickier for me to get a read on maybe bc i hvnt read much about him yet and most of my knowledge of him comes from fics & twt users LOL (which im aware are mostly extremely ooc..it kinda grates on me knowing most or all of my knowledge of him is secondhand and distorted) but i must agree with you.. the tang bo in my head is predominately headcanon ive built up myself so whatever i say about him might be extremely off the mark but idgaf..i like the version of him i have in my head currently..

compared to chung myung, tang bo feels hrmmm..more sociable but impersonal.. im not sure if he can be called cold exactly, but he doesnt seem to show much care or affection to anyone he isnt particularly close with.. he seems to have an almost impassive business type relationship with most people, including his family though it should be mentioned aside from chung myung, he is also friendly towards chung mun and chung jin, having been said to drink w the three of them often.. from what ive seen he seems to treat them like a second family in a sort of way? i attribute tang bos dispassionate demeanor to his family, the way he was raised formed a sort of crust around not, not so much a wall but a poker face..and chung myung was the first person who directly challenged the monotony of his life

smth about the dichotomy of their natures is sooo interesting urhg.. tang bo, a young master of a reputable rich family given everything he could ever want for, taught to be upright and gallant since birth, wearing the seemingly permanent mask of impersonality and tranquility that was hammered into him since young, meeting someone who brought back colour into his dull world for the first time in his life and suddenly that mask starts crumbling and tang bo finds himself happy in a way he was never allowed to be under the watchful eye of his familys strict elders

compared to chung myung whos life was nearly the complete opposite, an orphan taken in and raised in a sect by people who showered him w as much uninhibited familial love as he could want for, taught him to be honourable and respectable, grows up w a penchant for keeping his true emotions hidden deep underneath his surface, not out of malice or obligation but because, unlike tang bo, it was simply how he was..meeting and befriending tang bo made him begin to WANT, for the very first time..to actually show someone how deeply he can care, to peel back the veil and show someone the desperation for intimacy he desires so profoundly that buzzes underneath his skin in a way he couldnt, wouldnt, speak of out of the sheer indignity of it all...yeah so basically what im saying again is that hes tsundere and tang bo saw that and was like i need that gay boy

#........or smth idfk what im talking about*scratching ass*#lost my train of thought around the end im not rereading any of this nonsense brah

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h0pelessromanticz · 11 months

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((Because i dont see enough of vunrable alhaitham where he breaks so im doing it myself, also note i headcanon alhaithams parents to both struggle with ASPD so they literally only raised alhaitham to act like a machine and that human emostions were treated forgin since alhaitham ended up being autistic, aka his parents werent exactly nice))

Alhaitham had arrived home late, the meeting as the grand sage he had went to had went on for way longer then he wanted. it didnt help that eariler in that week his headphones had been damaged during a fight with some mercenaries in the dessert. Alhaithams whole body felt heavy his headphones were almost a coping mechanism at this point for the poor scribe. It had 2 functions he could alter between the two, one where he'd blast music or audio booklets or the other which would drown out all sound to stop him from having what his parents called chemical imbalance tantrums. Alhaitham could feel that damn nagging in his heart that he hated so much. After all he was raised that these emostions were futile and only hindered progress, he hadn't been rasised to know that emostions were natural and that no matter how much you fight it evenetually the dam wall holding the water could only fill so much before it bursted and this week was definitely testing it. not that alhaitham was aware of that. The scibe was like a knowledge machine but completely oblivious to his own mental needs or emostinal well being.

Any time a smidge of emostion fronted its face he'd shove it right back down into the deepest depths of his subconscious. The only emostion that seemed to ever butt its head that alhaitham wouldn't shove done was the rare temper of his anger. He had learnt his lesson about bottling that up. It would front its fangs threatening to devour him like it did that one night him and his roomate kaveh fought. He had bottled it up and after that night alhaitham had never bottled up anger again. That night scared him. The way his headphones flashed red his eyes blurring into a red cloud. The way his body moved without his control. He never wanted to feel that way ever again. However he would never let anyone know and would lie to himself about it. Groaning the scribe made his way to the kitchen to make some coffee, he still had paper work to do.

In a way alhaithams grandmother was the only one to truly understand him. She saw a small child too scared to show emotions because it was met with gaslighting, dissmisal, and being wrapped up to dumb brain functions and chemicals that he needed to control. Which wasnt humanily possible, she saw a child that had been broken into believing that human nature was a waste of time. alhaithams grandmother realised that his parents before they had passed were attempting to raise a shell of knowledge, something more like a machine, then a human who had a personality and heart, so she tried to make sure that anytime he accidentally let a true human emostion slip or let out what was seen as a childish behavior that she'd express how it was okay. However the damage had already been done and his brain cemetery had already been altered it made her upset to say in the least. Especially knowing how alhaitham had been diagnosed with autism, normal human beings struggled with emostions, nevermind a child and a child with autsim. a part of her feared what alhaithams parents had verbally or mentally done to this child. Knowing how much her son lacked basic empathy and humanity.

Pouring the coffee alhaithams ears rang uncomfortably as a door slammed shut and stomping sounds could be heard. Alhaithams heart sunk but his brain rolled its eyes. The 2 sides of him had been battling it out all week. Pushing and pulling in a endless dance. Alhaitham was usually logical,usually didnt dread when his roommates temper bursted through, however he took into consideration that he also always had his headset and for some reason now that he didnt he was finding it rather difficult to be logical at points, wanting to scream out a strange bubbling feeling in his chest, new sensations were felt this week that he hadn't felt since he was a child or ever. His brain had also started behaving strangly thoughts that werent rational nor practical popped in.

He chalked it up to some chemical imbalance and would get his blood tested to see his levels and take care of it. He wasn't even thinking or processing that maybe it was his subconscious starting to snap and break away, and that his usual machine like self was actually a mask he had worn, worn for so long he had forggoten to be human or at least act himan infront of others. But that was just it ,he was still human and his body was about feed up with the years of neglect and holding every emostion under his skin. So when kaveh started to go off about something as small as him forgetting his clothes on the drying string. Alhaitham sighed tsking. Which only earned a scuff and an explosion from his roommate.

It was strange kaveh was the complete opposite. he was a ball of emostions the furthest thing from a machine or alhaitham. But that was also a dangerous game. Kaveh couldn't believe it alhaitham was ignoring him again with that dumb sigh. Oh he could just ring him a new one, he had been acting different and it threw kaveh off his game. </p>

Alhaitham attempted to leave and head towards his room before this became an argument over nothing but was stopped by an even madder blond head of hair stomping in front of him blocking his path his arms on his waist, rambling off. Alhaitham was to exhausted and his ears had began ringing loudly as he was subconsciously becoming overestimated. Unfamiliar feelings came into play. alhaitham winced a bit his ears were psychically hurting and throbbing now whenever kaveh raised his voice louder. Right he had never not had his headphones available when they had their bickers. He could usually use his headset device to lower kavehs yelling so it was at a normal level. Alhaitham was just about done as he again attempted to leave only to be slightly shoved back into place.

Usually alhaitham would let his temper get the best of him and yell something and shove past his roommate to get kaveh to back. This time it was different the way kavehs touch stung and made his heart cry out scared alhaitham. His eyes widened surprised as he started to drown out kavehs yelling. It was almost like he was teleported to his subconscious who had a younger him shaking looking at him with tear filled eyes " we cant take this anymore its killing us, were not a machine please we cant hold everything in when are you gonna let yourself grieve" alhaitham scuffed at his subconscious younger self as if to downplay and gaslight himself once again in an attempt to remain in control. "Im scared...do we even know how to be human anymore" alhaitham felt his throat tighten a lump forming. He swallows hard "what of course we do!, dont be ridiculous" his younger self morphed into a child alhaitham sobbing as he just chuckled saddly threw the sobs "then why does everyone call us a machine or a robot, why cant i identify what im feeling" alhaithams eyes widened in pure shock his puplis shook as reality set in, he...he didnt know, as if on cue kaveh screams out taking alhaitham out of his transe like state

"GOD YOU REALLY ARE THE WORST YOU KNOW THAT, YOUR IGNORING ME! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING YOU DAMN ROBOT!" kaveh clenched his teeth expecting a snark remark, a scream, something just not what happends next. Alhaitham just stood there and starts shaking. Alhaithams eyes are avoiding him? no eye contact thats not right. A small broken wobble escapes the scribes lips "stop.." kaveh wanted to lash out even more at this. what did he mean! That was until he saw the taller mans bottom lip ever so slightly quiver. This sent a shiver up the blondes spine. What was going on with haitham he had been stranger then normal all week. He gasped as he realised what he had just said looking back at the grey haired man who seemed to be clenching his jaw shut, he could see tears welling up, no that can't be right.

Alhaitham swallows hard. There it was the sentace he hated most, everyone called him a machine, a robot ,emostionless, nonhuman, self centered, psyopathic, odd. The list went on and on, the more alhaitham desperately tried to shove the emostions back down frantically the more they engulfed him pushing back like he was underwater trying to force a floating object to the bottom when all it would do was rise to the surface. Panic was starting to set in Internally. He could feel it that sting in his eyes no..no no no no this was stupid why was this so stupid really seriously now your gonna let what others have said affect you? get your shit together this is pathetic. Alhaithamwanted it to stop but it wouldn't.

"emostions are pathetic", "what are you crying about i could list some real reasons to cry or give you one" "stop this embarrassing display", "this is hindering your study sesson are you just about done now?" His parents words vibrated as they danced within his head. He was drowning, drowning silently for years and years and he hadn't relised it until he had hit rock bottom. Alhaitham walked past a shocked kaveh who seemed to be proccessing his own thoughts either way alhaitham wasnt in the state to handle it. Alhaitham made sure his pace was hurried as a feeling of dread filled him he wanted to run in that moment ,run from his emostional self because it scared him he didnt understand anything that he was feeling, other then it hurt, it hurt so bad, it wasn't enjoyable and it wouldn't stop no matter how much logic he threw at it.

Alhaitham slams his bedroom door. as he begins hyperventilating, clenching the fabic of his shirt over his heart. As he closed his eyes tightly clenching his jaw to try and stop it, anything, just make it stop. No he needed his headphones but they were getting repaired. alhaitham hit the back of his head against the door a few times in defeat he wasnt getting out of this. Oh god his parents would be so disappointed, calling him pathetic and overreactive. Alhaithams legs wobbled as he slid down the door, dropping down like a ragdoll. His lips quivered as his breathing hitched. The walls of the damn had smashed open and his vunrable nature had kicked him in the guts angery that he had neglected it that he had treated himself so poorly. His inner child screamed with raw emostions. And the only thing he could do was finally whimper out a pained noise and sobb. The rare time he did ever cry he had his grandmother, he had held it off way longer then ever before bottling things up until his body physically couldn't. But now he didnt have her by his side and god did he wish he did. His whole body racked with shakes as if holding 10 years of bottled emostions wouldn't effect him? As if constantly shoving his trauma down and childhood neglect wouldn't cause him anguish.

He desperately tried to make his way to his bed, as the world around him started to distort and feel dizzy. he honestly felt pathetic. he had managed to make it to the foot rest of his bed on the floor and pull down the blanket to cover himself with it. The floor felt so cold on the scribes bare feet that he shivered slightly. Was it actually cold or was it the panic attack he was going threw causing this. Sighing threw soft sobs he wrapped his arms around his knees hugging himself like a small child who had just had a nightmare.

"this isn't fair" he muttered to himself.

Kaveh blinked as he realised alhaitham was gone a strange feeling drawed itself up from his gut why did he want to puke why was he so anxious out of no were. Why did alhaitham look like that, his eyes why did they shine with so much pain he'd never seen on the scribes face. It scared kaveh something was wrong! very wrong he didnt fight back? he slammed the door? But him slamming a door but not appearing angry had kavehs head spinning in loops. He was shaking, alhaitham was shaking? And he swore he saw tears in the stoics eyes. Anxiously Kaveh found himself making some dinner for the scribe he felt guilty and bad for lashing out on him the moment he had came home not even asking how his roommate was fairing. Kaveh sighed as his brain let a thought escape "especially with how the man reacted this time around." He muttered to himself. Kaveh was scared he hurt the man if that was even possible.

No! kaveh shook his head alhaitham is still human and he knew that. alhaitham did have emostions. The softness of his gaze when kaveh would lay on his chest, while alhaitham read, or whenever kaveh had a hangover his gentle backrubs, the way he would get his favorite whine whenever kaveh had,had a rough week. The way..alhaitham let him live with him for practically nothing. The way alhaitham had been so busy he wasnt joining the architect to dinner or even sleeping he saw how exhausted the other look not only was he the new sage until they could find a replacement he was also still the scribe and with the accosha system being destroyed alhaithams job had become more difficult. The only thing kaveh had been doing was racking into the man all week with his own emotional bagade and lashing out on him this whole time.

Kaveh bit his lip fighting back the urge to cry himself from the guilt. Though he had come to figure out over the years that alhaitham would often get flustered, almost embarrassed any time he showed a slightly more emostional side to himself or natural behavior as if it wasnt normal. Humming in deep thought kaveh placed the food on a plate and put it on the counter. he'd just let...no he had to check up on the scribe it had been 20 minutes and it was to quite. Plus he still didnt feel right just leaving this time, usually alhaitham would get mad they'd both storm off and then both come talk to each other in the living room. Kaveh took a few steps out of the kitchen and when he walked down the hall his ears picked up on a gut wrenching sound. Sobbs, gasping breaths that were hitching. Kaveh swore his heart shattered and fell into the deepest part of his stomach he had only ever heard of alhaitham crying, a rumor, he didnt truely belive the man could cry. he wasnt there to witness it but it was after his grandmother died, which made sense but also was hard to digest for the architect.

but now standing outside his door and hearing it with his own 2 ears, made the blond nauseous with concern. He debated and fought with himself to knock, finally getting up the corage to. On one hand he wanted to run away to his room on the other hand kaveh wanted to burst the door down and hold alhaitham close. Groaning to himself in his brain he finally just does it.

3 gentle knocks were heard. "haitham?" A little pause "...hey are you okay?" It was so gentle and soft that alhaitham couldn't help but sobb harder as if being asked if he was okay broke him more. subconsciously he'd had wanted someone to care enough to ask. Kaveh heard the younger one break more. "Im...im coming in okay?" Kaveh couldn't take it he had to see the man and make sure he was okay. Alhaitham shot up as if his logical side was really trying to punt its way forth right now. Scrambling slightly to stand but his legs gave out "No! Wait!". There was a pause "haitham..you havent ate today im bringing you food" the scribe cursed to himself digging his nails into the wooden floor as his body wouldnt stop shaking. alhaitham could hear the footsteps leave his door only to retrun shortly after. the door knob rattled as the large wood chunk slowly opened. Alhaithams heart already racing from the current state he was in started to beat faster but it hurt it stung with fear.

Oh god he was going to see how pathetic he was, how childish and immature he was behaving. He was going to see him vunrable and not professional. His inner child screamed at him to shut up that this wasnt his fault and that he needed someone, asking why he was being so cruel to himself. Growling Alhaitham clenched his teeth baring them like a threatend dog as he grabbed his head pulling on his hair. This was bad he was getting that werid uncontrollable urge to become self destructive, everything was starting to spin, any sound that was made started to blast in his ears and cause constant ringing and become all just to much for him to process. His whole bodys nevres were shit and burning. Alhaitham was losing himself.

it happened alot as a kid when he had thouse meltdowns his grandmother told him it was autistic meltdowns and that he'd have them because he denied that part of himself or it often happened when the neighborhood kids bullied him or took his headset away. And here he was at its mercy as he continued to pant subconsciously trying to grasp for headphone that werent there. frantically clawing at his ears to try and bring himself back down. His body was against him now and all he could do was whimper over and over as kaveh entered the room only for the scribe to hear a soft surpised gasp as he heard the older one put the plate down on his dresser. Almost scrambling to his side.

Kaveh couldn't believe his eyes the scene in front of him tugged at heartstrings he didnt even think existed. The scribe was in complete disarray shaking and sobbing hestarically, trying to claw at himself. Kaveh found himself at the scribes side in no time. He wanted to protect alhaitham but he had no idea what was wrong. This was all foreign for him. Alhaitham wasnt the crying type or emostinal type at all. He grabbed the scribes wrist which only earned him a paniced yelp and kavehs eyes widened at just how much the other was trembling.

Kaveh cupped the scribes cheek with his other hand his thumb petting just under his eye. As he coooed out reasuring words "hey..hey its okay look at me.. your okay...sh shshshsh" alhaitham just made a heartbroken sound his head lowering as he almost curled into himself "hey hey hey, whats going on?" Kaveh made sure his voice was as gentle and soft as he could manage. The other didnt reply his eyes looked so scared, and his body wouldn't stop shaking. kaveh pulled the other closer to him his hands gripping alhaithams arms pushing them to alhaithams side as he looked at him worried fear painted on his face.

In that moment as soon as kaveh touched alhaitham the scribe broke and bursted out painful sobbs "im sorry...im sorry" kaveh obviously was shocked and panicked a little "hey hey hey nonono haitham you dont need to apologize okay" he was confused why was haitham apologizing he was the one who was trying to egg him on in an argument and called him a machine.

Alhaitham looked up at kaveh a emostion that shouldnt never be on anyones face painted the scribes nevermind the new sages face.

" i..im sorry i dont mean to act like...to be a emostinonless, heartless bastard..i didnt ask to be this way...i im sorry for being like a robot ....im sorry.. i dont know!" He yelled out shaking his head his voice cracked and his bangs falling in front of his face as the architect held his wrists " i dont know what im feeling! ,i dont know whats going on! and its hurting i..it hurts so much dammit and it wont stop!..im scared" alhaitham had almost whispered out that last part as kavehs lips quivered at the sight infront of him " i dont know whats happening, i cant breath, i cant think straight, and the only thing my body wants to do is cry and shake" the scribe stuttered out in broken sobbs his wobbled voice uneven. Kaveh pulled alhaitham into a hug tightly placing his chin on the grey set of hair as if protecting alhaitham from the world. "Shshshsh your not a machine, im so sorry i said that i thought... you were ignoring me..or that you were just grumpy and im so sorry, your not heartless you have a big heart, i dont care if anyone thinks differently i know you. Im sorry if i had looked harder i could have noticed that you weren't okay this week and im sorry i never noticed. Im sorry i lashed out on you". Alhaitham shook and gripped onto his senoirs clothes hiding his face in shame into the others shoulder.

Kaveh frowned. "Your having a breakdown, have you had one this bad before?" alhaitham shook his head. " kaveh then thought to ask "did you even know you were having one?" Alhaitham shook his head "...the fact you dont know that....do you not allow yourself to feel things?" Alhaitham shook his head again and it made kaveh tear up as he ran his hand threw the youngers grey hair. What the hell what normal human being would...then again alhaitham wasnt normal.

"haitham...why? I know your not typically the emostional type but...didnt you ever cry as a child?".

Alhaitham tsked and cleared his throat. "i dont know how to express myself...i was never allowed to...it wasn't correct...if i did it was not becoming if i cry it was called pathetic". Kaveh bit his bottom lip all this time he never knew alhaithams story. "My grandmother was the only one who let me feel things, but even then i was already older...i only knew one thing basic surival and studying..i only know how to hold knowledge yet i lack basic human skills" kavehs heartbroke again hearing alhaitham saddly chuckle and just sobb. he pulled the scribe even closer almost cradling him as he just rocked alhaitham in his arms kissing his head gently over and over again.

"Im so sorry, your allowed to express yourself with me i wont judge ever again i promise, im here." Kaveh cupped the scribes face his nose nuzzeling into the grey hair.

"Im here for you my little grey dove". Alhaitham stopped crying for a split second a small gasp escaping him as if that nickname broke away the chains that binded him oh so tightly. Alhaitham started wailing into his roommates chest. Shutting his eyes tightly.

Kaveh had also began crying, he had no idea just how much this man was hiding. So he wasn't like this on purpose this whole time he had his roomate plauged out so wrong. Kaveh held alhaitham tightly that night and let the man sobb years of bottled up shit out of his system. Petting and playing with alhaithams hair in a means to comfort him. eventually the scribe had exhausted himself sobbing himself to sleep and kaveh sighed, he'd put the food away and he could have it once he woke up. When kaveh came back he picked up alhaitham bridal style and placed alhaitham in the bed. he noted that he was lighter then normal. So he really hadn't been doing good this week, he's lost weight. Tsking he goes to leave only for a weak voice to beg him to stay and stay he did holding the vunrable alhaitham in his arms as they both drifted to sleep. That night kaveh promised himself he'd never call alhaitham a robot or a machine ever again.

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