#im carrying out my destiny

[wasyago]

we're at it again🕺

[scalpelsister]

not a Hel video sending me into a crisis about my own perceptions about who I am working with....

I literally just opened this video bc I found a norse witch whos like. avidly not a nazi and thats always nice yanno. and then there was a Hel video and im like eyyyy fellow death goddess follower! love to see it. but the upg section. hit.

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

I HATE HATE HATE LISTENING TO OLD PUNK SONGS AND FEELING EVERY FUCKING SYLLABLE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ALBUM FROM 1996 IS GROWING MORE AND MORE ACCURATE AND IMPORTANT AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME ABOUT THE SAME INJUSTICES AS PUNK TEENS FROM THE 80s. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING GO FORWARD AS SOCIETY THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO GET BETTER I WANT NEW STRUGGLES! NEW! STRUGGLES!!

But, as Social Distortion put it so nicely in 1996: "Taking two steps forward and four steps back." (from Don't Drag Me Down, which is scarily accurate, h e l p.)

[fairyzar]

i couldn’t place my finger on it but i realized this dude is like the typical pretentious man who knows nothing abt art and acts like he does

[normal-thoughts-official]

it always struck me as kind of hilarious that you have to pass a 30DC check to convince shadowheart not to kill dame aylin but if you're just like "sure do whatever lol" she chooses not to kill her anyway. tsundere ass fuck. killing is bad unless it's out of spite. i have morals unless you try to tell me what to do

but i just got to that scene in my new replay and it made me realize that that's not what's at stake at all

because the persuasion check isn't "don't do this". the persuasion check is, your life is whatever you make of it. you don't have to do something just because your goddess tells you to.

convincing shadowheart not to kill dame aylin is easy. she knows it's wrong, and she doesn't want to, not really. if given the choice, she is literally unable to go through with it even if she clearly wants to, or wants to want to so badly she can't tell the difference

the problem is convincing her she has an option in the first place

the problem is convincing her that her life is her own

shadowheart has never belonged to herself since she was captured. not in body, not in soul, not in mind, not even her memories. she quite literally doesn't know who she is in more ways than one. she doesn't know her past or her family, she doesn't know who her loved ones are (including the sharran loved ones, like nocturne), all she really knows about herself is a fear of wolves that's been implanted into her by lies and an attachment to a flower she can't remember the details of. and a mission. always a mission. the will of someone else she has to carry on, that is not for her to understand or question or think about. she can't even want to serve shar, because she isn't allowed to pursue her intention to become a dark justiciar. she is supposed to be well and truly nothing, empty as the sharran doctrine

(oh, and pain that she doesn't know the reason of. no matter what, she must bear the pain)

how can she see herself as more than her goddess, when she quite literally doesn't know anything about who she is other than her devotion to shar? how can she choose her own destiny, when she couldn't even choose how to devote and give herself over to her?

she can't, which is why, unless you have infinite rizz points and/or roll a nat20, shadowheart attacks you. not dame aylin. you. and she never argues about whether or not it's the right thing, because she knows. what she's rebelling against isn't the idea of letting dame aylin go. what she's rebelling against is the idea that she could leave her cage and belong to no one but herself. because the idea is scary and she quite literally doesn't know where to begin. which is why her obsession becomes to find her parents, even though she doesn't remember them at all. because maybe they can tell her who she's supposed to be, and she can have the comfort of having her path laid out before her again

(which is also why she has to kill them. not because of some hand hurty curse bullshit. but because she just wants them and selûne to become the new shar, and she has to let that go if she truly means to claim herself again)

and now im sad. because it's easier for shadowheart to do turn against shar and everything she's ever had on the grounds of saving someone else than on the grounds that she deserves better than to be a puppet. even if you do nothing, saving dame aylin, to her, is easy. saving herself is a wholly different matter, one she's not sure she has any right to, or wants to, even if it's what she really needs. accepting a selûnite's humanity is easier than accepting her own. losing everything is easier than gaining her own autonomy. and she will fight tooth and nail to be allowed to stay in her own, metaphorical soul cage

[wasabidottie]

Kenergy (Jschlatt)

A/n: I have been listening to the ai cover of im just ken for a minute and i wanted to write this >soooo< here it is :) Link to the video -> <3 (also my first time writing in 2nd person, so its kinda weird)

Schlatt sat hunched over his desk, fully immersed in the world of Truck Driver Simulator, his audience watching eagerly as he navigated virtual roads and delivered cargo. His gruff commentary and sharp wit kept his viewers entertained, while his fingers deftly controlled the game.

In the midst of Schlatt's stream, the door to his office creaked open, revealing you, his ever-cheerful girlfriend. A glint of mischief danced in your eyes as you tiptoed into the room, carrying a secret plan of action. You hold up a finger to your mouth, signaling chat to stay quiet.

As Schlatt continued to grumble about virtual traffic and in-game mechanics, you connected your phone to his speaker. The all too familiar sound of “I'm just Ken” filled the air, and you couldn't help but stifle a giggle as you saw Schlatt's reaction. Schlatt's brow furrowed slightly as he hears that the voice singing the song was not Ryan Gosling, but him? Your current obsession was any sort of Schlatt AI covers and this one was your favorite. You were just waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it.

He blinked, his fingers momentarily faltering on the keyboard. He exchanged a quick glance with you, confusion etched on his features. But you were already in character, embodying the spirit of the song with playful exaggeration.

As the lyrics started, you couldn't resist the urge to ham it up. Your hands gesturing with flair as you began to act out the lyrics behind his chair with an exaggerated enthusiasm.

"Doesn't seem to matter what I do I'm always number two. No one knows how hard I tried, oh-oh, I-"

Chat immediately caught on, and the messages flooded in:

"COMMON GF W!" "SHE'S SERENADING SCHLATT!" "OMG, I CAN'T BREATHE!"

With a grin, you continued your theatrical performance, your voice rising dramatically as you sang with faux sadness.

"'Cause I'm just Ken. Anywhere else, I'd be a ten Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blond fragility?"

Schlatt’s eyes darted between you and the game, his determination to stay in character wavering just a bit. But you weren't finished. You sang the next line with a twinkle in your eye, directing it specifically at him, teasing him.

"Where I see love, she sees a friend"

Your playful tone didn't escape him, and the chat exploded with excitement

Schlatt’s facade cracked slightly.

“I wanna know what it’s like to love To be the real thing Is it a crime? Am I not hot when I'm in my feelings?”

With an extra flair, you approached Schlatt and, as part of your performance, accidentally hit his arm. He blinked and turned toward you, his eyes narrowing slightly, but you just grinned and carried on with the song.

At some point you rest a hand in his hair. With the tension of the game momentarily forgotten, Schlatt couldn't help but smile. He swatted your hand away, feigning annoyance, but his eyes twinkled with fondness

Schlatt's gaze remained fixed on you, a mixture of bemusement and adoration in his eyes. He couldn't help but feel his grumpy demeanor crack under the weight of your antics and the shared sentiment of the song.

As the song came to an end, the room was filled with silence, save for the soft fading of the music. Schlatt’s stare lingered on you, his emotions caught between fondness and frustration. But before he could react, his truck in the game veered off the road and crashed with a resounding thud.

"FUCK!" Schlatt shouted, his grumpy façade shattering completely as he stared at the digital wreckage.

The chat erupted in laughter, fans typing out a chorus of "F" for Schlatt's virtual trucking misadventure.

Schlatt shot a glare at the chat, his frustration palpable. Then you laughed, walking over to his desk and ruffling his hair affectionately. "I’m sorry, Ken." you say grinning.

He rolled his eyes, but there was a fondness in his gaze that couldn't be denied. "Yeah, yeah, Toots, just don't sing me off the road again.”

[b0tster]

Since a lot of folks are doing this, I figured I might as well put my own hat in the ring. I spent a long LONG time denying who I was. I sorta had a feeling I was trans back when I was maybe 12 or 13(back in the early 00's when I first started to hear the word "Transgender"). I started to feel like being a girl would be amazing, and I would go to bed every night imagining scenarios where I came upon a genie or met a witch or warlock or something who could magically make me a girl, but I spent so much time denying that I was truly trans for so many reasons: I was afraid I wouldn't look pretty enough, that I would get push back/outright abuse from my family, that I was doing it from the wrong reasons. And so I spent way too long pushing it deep down into my soul, and tried to ignore it. It was only after I had a dream in college around 2012-13 that I finally decided to come out. I dreamt that I was living in a dorm with a friend and that I need to get up and use the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror I saw me. Not the "real world" me but the REAL me, and she was beautiful. I had soft features, long hair in a ponytail, and was much shorter than I actually am. I cried looking at myself and felt all this weight I didn't even know I was carrying lift off my shoulders. I realized then that I couldn't pretend or hide any longer. I had to try. I went on HRT seven or eight years later; I was nearing my 30's and I didn't want to put it off till I was "too old"(a dumb thought, but it was necessary motivation). That's when I found out there was a Planned Parenthood down the street from me. I've been on HRT on and off for three years now and I couldn't be happier. To the anon, I know it's probably a lot right now. All of these folks sharing their stories. I'm sure it may feel overwhelming, but know this: You're not alone. You have all of us here to help guide you if you need/want it. And if you decide it's not for you in the end, we'll support you through that too. You are the arbiter of your own destiny. Not society, not your family, not random folks online. You. And we will be here support you <3

I couldnt have said it better myself. thank you for sharing, and im really proud of you for coming out.

[theavatarandthefirelord]

Because I always love to read your thoughts ♥️ For the ask game- number 3 for Zukaang in Ship It?

Ahhh thank you for the ask...and for an excuse to gush about Zukaang🥺😍🤭

Zukaang - I ship it!

What made you ship it?

I've always loved their dynamic, and IMO their relationship is one of the best things about ATLA. Even though I shipped Kataang from the start, the way Aang and Zuko went from being mortal enemies to genuine friends is something that's so special to me. The connection they made when they glanced at each other during The Storm, and then the famous "Do you think we could have been friends, too?" scene gives me the chills EVERY TIME. There's this particular kind of vulnerability that they share with each other and no one else. They share the unique privilege and burden of being the Avatar and the Fire Lord, they're the descendants of Roku and Sozin (one literally, the other spiritually), and they're the only ones who can work to bring out about the kind of world that Aang remembers and that Zuko dreams of - TOGETHER. But what really made me ship them is how they keep getting drawn to each other and are never able to escape the other no matter how hard they try, until they both relent and accept that their destinies are inseparably intertwined, that each of them carries a part of the other within them, and dflkgjsldkfjsad IM OBSESSED

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

The vulnerability they share with each other. Both of them keep their emotional walls up pretty high. Zuko is closed off and brooding, and Aang hides a lot with his smile and seemingly open nature. Even though they let down their guard with Mai and Katara, there's a deeper part of themselves that even the women who love them can't quite touch. For Zuko, it's the validation and healing and eventually justice he seeks as someone who both perpetuates and suffers from being part of the FN imperial family's generational cycle of destruction. For Aang, it's the loneliness from being cut off from the world he once knew and from his destiny as the Avatar, a revered and almost mythical being especially in a world that has waited for his return for so long. Aang and Zuko are unique among the ATLA cast in their emotional isolation, and it's only in the moments when they bare their souls to each other (even when they're still enemies! even when it doesn't feel entirely safe!) that they begin to find a kindred spirit. (I know I sound very normal right now but I'm actually internally screaming)

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I haven't been in the Zukaang fandom for very long, but from what I can tell (and from what I'm told), there aren't a lot of Aang-centric fanworks, especially when it comes to fic. So I guess my unpopular opinion is that we could use a lot more Aang-centric Zukaang art and fic...mostly so I can enjoy it LOL. Zuko taking care of Aang? Give it to me because I. will. eat. it. UP. I've already discovered a couple of fic authors, including you, who tend to write Aang-centric fics, and they live rent-free in my brain 😍

send me an ask from the ship ask game!

[pixellangel]

guys. i'm making an rpg.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

so i bought rpg maker vx ace* and ive been coming up with a plot and characters!!!!! and im gonna make a video game!!!! aaaa!!!

its a meta little cyberpunk rpg starring you, the protagonist in someone else's body, and your allies V, Xenon, and Kori (names subject to change). infodump and some doodles under the cut read for a fun time :3

*edit: ill actually be doing it in rpg maker mv! vx is a little limited for the scope of what i want to do with this project

welcome to under the cut. here's thirty billion information for you. :D

essentially, the plot revolves around V and the player finding people who have been wronged by the Narrator, who bends the story to his own will to create a plot he enjoys, and how they want to shape their own destinies. your goal is to defeat the group of cybernetic monsters that he created as villains.

YOUR PARTY CONSISTS OF

- Sylvie (she/they): that's you! everyone calls you "Player," though. your body used to belong to V's childhood friend before the Narrator decided they were the perfect base for a protagonist. general all rounder in combat, with a basic sword for a weapon. you want to find out more about the Narrator's goals and what happened to V's friend. also, why are you "Sylvie?"

- V (she/her): a firey girl who can hear the Narrator speaking. she teaches the player how the world works, and is the first person they meet. uses two daggers in combat, efficient and quick fighter. immediately tells the player she plans not to befriend them. wants to fight the Narrator for taking her childhood friend away from her for the sake of a story.

- Xenon (he/they): wears a completely black mask with a white X on it to hide their identity. miraculously, this works despite their neon green hair. graffiti artist. medic in combat with both single and multi target heal skills. fights w/ a paintball gun. grew up in a cult that thinks death is such a natural part of life that it should never be prevented. became a medic as a type of rebellion against his cult.

- Kori (she/her): TINY GAL. HUGE HAMMER. VERY YELLOW. self explanatory combat - high attack, big damage, hits hard. not much else. she's actually super sweet, but the giant electric hammer she carries around makes her seem way scarier than she is. really really wants to be helpful. she lives in a town based around fighting and fight clubs, so she had to learn to defend herself to survive.

some doodles of V and Xenon :3

ill draw the whole lineup soon!!! :D

also if anyone wants more info or has questions PLEASE ASK!!! I LOVE LOREDUMPING!!! anyway my tag for this Huge Project is #pixell.rpg :3

[pascalslvt]

Tangled Alliances

Summary: When faced with sickness in your community in an already post-apocalyptic world, it is up to the strained professional partnership of you and Joel Miller to embark in a perilous and difficult journey in order to retrieve life-saving medicine. With your destinies intertwined, shrouded in tension, you confront the unforgiving challenges of your environment together, gradually forming an unexpected bond. Will that be enough?

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!Reader, f/m

rating: 18+, minors dni

series warnings:, pre!ellie, during outbreak, set in TLOU 2022, age gap (28 & 52), swearing, mentions of violence, also actual violence, mentions of sickness, heavy angst...., fluff, trial & tribulations, severe weather, a lot of fucking animosity and hostility, enemies to lovers ???, infected people, tension...TENSION!!!, bickering, copious amounts of alcohol, inebriation, y'all don't get along...but y'all also have to, smut!!!!...a semi-slow burn, anxiety, exhaustion, NO USE OF Y/N.

chapter warnings: Mentions of backstory (involving the death of readers parents), bickering, bad langauge, tess is mother, mentions of sickness and death, aclohol, sharing a tent (wink wink), cheeky morning wood, just a sprinkle of smut if you squint its not really smutty but not completley clean, bad luck ??, tension. lots of it, intrusive improper thoughts.

word count ≈ 8,3k Estimated reading time: 37 minutes, 4 seconds (225 wpm)

a/n: This is the first part of a series i am writing!! I haven't actually written fanfiction since i was like...15, so be very very kind and gentle and patient with me because i am literally just a girl.....i have dusted off the cobwebs & busted my writing out of its retirement to create a story to quench my current joel miller obession. This storyline is actually inspired by a dream i recently had and i am very excited to reeeeally get into the series as i have a lot of plans that i cannot share with you right now.... also sorry if the tags are wierd i gennuinely have no idea what the fuck to write. Part two will come pretty shortly (don't get used to it) because after i awoke from the dream i literally wrote almost 20k words in one sitting so im splitting it up and giving this one some time to see if people are even interested in reading more...please enjoy!!!!!!

Part One: Hostile Beginnings

You were nearly seven years old when the outbreak started. To you, the world crumbled before your feet in what seemed like an instant - shattering the very ground on which you stood. One day after school, you saw your own mother's jugular be ripped straight out of her neck from the mouth of your neighbor, an old and fragile woman who used to babysit you from time to time. Before running away in fear, you saw your mother bleed out, right there on the lawn you used to play in. You never saw your father that day, and neither did you ever again. You always accepted that your father's fate was that he most likely died in that little cubicle he worked in. Or that he now spends the rest of his life infected. Whichever the case, it doesn’t really matter to you, you don’t think about him anymore. 

You got away with your life by the skin of your teeth that day. That little girl ran until her tiny legs could carry her no more. Your English teacher, Theresa, had found you in a ditch, sobbing. You had been wearing the same outfit you did that day in class, a purple shirt with a flower on it, along with some blue pants. Theresa didn't have the heart to leave the little girl behind, so she took you under her wing.

Throughout the years, Therese - or ‘Tess’ as you liked to call her - taught you how to survive this very unfortunate world disaster. While you were still young, she taught you to crawl into small holes to retrieve food or water, and to hide whenever you felt something was wrong. She taught you to trust your instincts. She taught you to be resilient. Resourceful. In later years, you were taught to use a gun, to mend knifes, to defend yourself - how to navigate this apocalypse safely. 

When you got older, Tess made use of you in her line of work. Smuggling. And you were good  

This is how you got to know the man named Joel Miller. A cynical, gruff man of very few words. But, he always got the job done. You and Joel didn’t interact much. Now that you think about it, you hadn’t met him more than.. what? 5 times before today? even less so had you spoken with him. Tess didn’t want you to work alongside Joel as she believed his methods could sometimes be…taking unnecessary risks. He could sometimes be reckless. And you were not a risk she was willing to take. Not yet.

Ever since finding that shattered little girl all those years ago, Tess always felt an unwavering, deep sense of responsibility to keep you safe. She owed it to you, and she owed it to your parents. You were now a full-grown woman, 28 years old - and Tess knew you had a strong head on her shoulders. With the years, the fierce overprotective nature gradually softened. She gradually unfolded her wings of trust, and sent you out on more and more jobs. But, it wasn’t until recently that she felt comfortable enough to let you work with Joel. Nothing big, none spanning more than a day or three. To her dismay (but yet also relief), the two of you ended up ultimately proving to be an incredibly efficient team. However, the two of you could not get along even if your very life depended on it. 

It was a silent alliance. It had to be. Otherwise, you’d end up getting on each other's nerves and damn near kill one another. Joel always made it incredibly clear that you weren’t friends - he wasn’t there for pleasantries, he was there to finish a job. Not that you objected. The less condescending shit you had to hear him say, the better. You didn’t care much, either way. You were a professional - after all, you had done this since you were a child. This was your reality. You never had much choice.

Lately, a lot of people in your community have fallen very, very sick. It is some sort of pulmonary bacterial infection that starts off with a fever, and will leave you coughing up blood a couple of months later. A slow killer, but a killer nonetheless. Some of the older folk have already started dying.

“No, absolutely not, Valerie” you heard Tess’s voice come from downstairs. You just happened to walk past to hear it. “It’s way too risky”. These words piqued your interest. “She is our best option, and you damn well know that” Valerie, a woman you live and work with says, a stern undertone in her voice. You slowly walks towards them, walking down the stairs without making a creak, eavesdropping.

“This would take months to complete..” Tess sighs, adding in, “We don’t even know if we have that kind of time, folk’ are already dyin’. We don't even have no idea how heavily surveilled it is”

“Do we have a choice? We’ll run out of our own supply within a month if we’re lucky. They will all die” 

Tess is quiet, you could almost hear her thinking if you listened hard enough. You enter the room, “What’s going on?” you ask 

Tess stands still and shares a look with Valerie before looking at you, sighing and crossing her arms. “We have received intel that there is a massive supply of vital medical equipment as well as medication, medication that we need. It’s In a settlement controlled by some sort of… faction. They call themselves the ‘reclaimers’. Nasty bunch. We need the medication, and well.. If our sources are correct, which they haven't failed us before, it’d be enough to not only cure the folk round here; but we could also sell for an enormous profit. We could make a lot of money. Maybe buy a new truck. Supplies. Guns….”

“I’m in.” you say, without hesitation, cutting her off. Tess shakes her head, she opens her mouth to speak, but you interrupt her before she can “I can manage myself, you made sure of that.”

Valerie looks at Tess with a ‘I told you so’ look. “You’d have to walk for, probably, months on end just to get there and back. They’re west, somewhere in Montana, located deep into the forest. You have never been on a mission that lengthy, and it's fucking cold as shit - and it's only going to get worse” 

“What’s our other option here? Let people die?” you ask, and pause. They stay silent. “I wouldn’t accept if I didn’t know I was capable of handling something like this, Tess….”

You look at each other for a long time. She knits her eyebrows together, somberly, and shakes her head. She doesn't know if she can let you do anything like this. Not because she doubts your ability - rather, she cannot get herself to put you in that type of danger.

“You heard the woman…” Valerie says smugly. 

“Fine”. Tess says, slightly annoyed and probably feeling very protective. “I need to stay here and take care of some things, keep track of the radio and such.. Valerie needs to tend to the people here. It…It would be you and Joel.” 

This takes you slightly aback. On one hand, even though Tess might think his methods are unconventional - she trusts him, and you trust her. Besides, you have worked professionally very well before and always get the job done. But on the other hand…it’s Joel fucking Miller. 

“Months on a job with Joel Miller? Fuck me…” You scoff. Tess’s lips curl into a slight smile evidently trying to hold back her laughter. She knows the kind of disdain you feel for him. 

“There’s no one else I’d trust to send you away with on a mission like this. Except for me, of course” Tess says, leaning against a wall. “Are you still in, even if it’s him?” “Well.. i don’t really have a choice now, do i?” you say, and they chuckle. “When would we leave?”

Tess pauses. “You’d have to leave tomorrow” she studies your demeanor, waiting for you to opt out. Hoping in a sick, twisted way that you would - since that would mean that you’d be safe. You don’t hesitate. “He doesn’t know…yet. But, I know him. He would not turn this job down. Besides, he owes us too much, he can’t” 

You nod. “Well…he’ll probably be as pleased with working with me as I am with him” you say, rolling your eyes. 

“It’s about time the two of you get over that little feud of yours” Valerie interjects, you send her a warning look 

“Ain’t my fault he’s fucking unbearable” You point at her, gesticulating your annoyance already brewing by the mere thought of him. She shrugs. 

“I’ll call him on the radio - let him know.” Tess says. 

--

“With her?!” You hear Joel’s voice boom down from the hallway, annoyance evident on his voice. ‘yup. i was right’ You think to yourself, chuckling as you’re eavesdropping from the other room. They start start walking towards the kitchen, where you are stood. When he sees you, he nearly rolls his eyes, stopping in his tracks. “Well. Looks like we’ll be partners.”

You smile tight-lipped, nodding and holding back an eye roll of your own - trying your best to be civil. “Seems that way”

“We leave at 8. ‘Expect you to be ready by 7 forty-five” He commands. You nod at his instructions. ‘One minute of a partnership, and he has already taken the leading role. Fucking jackass.’ you think to yourself. “Better get some rest”

“Yeah, no kidding…” You mumble to yourself, sneering. He gives you a warning look. One that says ‘don’t start’.

Knowing there’s no point in furthering this conversation as tensions are already high, and you have months to argue with him, you turn to walk “I’ll go pack then” You announce, turning around.

“And try not to piss me off” Joel says loudly as you walk away. You just hold up your middle finger and leave the room. “Real mature!” He scoffs as he looks at Tess with a look that says ‘can you believe her?’, she just shrugs. 

That night you packed all that you would need - supplies, food, weapons, a tent…the everyday outing must haves in the midst of an active apocalypse, also…for the cold. Of course, you are not a total stranger to it, living here in Boston, but you also know that the cold here won't compare to the temperatures you are about to face - as you know walking through the north of the US in late autumn, early winter will not be an easy feat - and in a little tent, at that. It was estimated you would be gone for about a couple of months, at least - which is by far the longest job you’d ever been on. But, it was essential. 

That morning you wake up particularly early, to make it a point not to be late. Wouldn’t want to give Joel the satisfaction of berating you. You can already feel yourself wanting to spite him. Tess helped you carry your things down, not that you needed help, rather she felt bad for sending you to do something like this. Capable or not, she had a …. Somewhat motherly instinct for you. She also gave you the map with the places you’re headed, where you’re meeting the informants, where the safehouses are located and so on - and gave you the same rundown as she did for Joel, keeping the both of you informed. You are now stood in the kitchen, with your things in your arms. She paused and looked at you, having trouble finding the words, feeling herself getting choked up by the reality of the situation. Before you can diffuse the fears you see swirling in her head, she holds you tight. “You be real careful of yourself, got it?” 

“Yes m’am.” You say, voice slightly strained by the suffocating tight hold she has around you. She lets go of you, and cups one side of your face with her hand, and smiles with glassy eyes. She shakes her head as she takes a step back, as if to snap out of the sentimentality. 

“Now go and get that medicine.” she nods, trying to sound emotionless and strong. You nod and turn to walk out the building. “Oh, and… give him a tough time. Joel, I mean” She laughs

“You know I will” You wink, as you finally leave the house. Tess stands there with an awful feeling inside the deepest parts of her. She was meant to be the one to protect you, and here she is; sending you off to a mission where she doesn’t even know the magnitude of the threat it poses to your life. But, it’s too late now. Way too many people are depending on you. 

You continue walking out, as you lean against the truck parked outside. You’re not going to drive far with it, only 10-12 hours or so. They wanted to transport it somewhere else to sell (since the ongoing surge of illness has eaten away at your community fund), and since it was on the way Tess figured it would not hurt to cut down the length of the trip just a little bit. You stand there for a while, until you check your clock: ‘7:46am’. You snigger by yourself. Without noticing, Joel was walking towards you, gear in hand

“Right in time, for once” He mumbles. 

“You’re the one who is late, Joel” You correctly point out. 

“It’s one minute, stop yappin’” He says, walking over to the truck, throwing his stuff into it and getting into the driver's seat, slamming the door. What a cheerful man. 

You throw your bag into the car “I don’t understand why you’re the one driving” you mutter, getting into the passenger seat

“You know exactly why. Now shut it before I rip off ‘ya jaw and shove it up ‘ya ass.” He says, matter-of-factly, putting the keys in the ignition, turning it and starting the engine, looking forward. 

“Ooh, very kinky, Joel” You say sarcastically, taunting him.

He puts his foot on the clutch, as he shifts the gear. “Keep talkin', and I'll leave ya here.” he says and starts driving. 

“If only I’d be so lucky…” You mutter silently, watching out of the window as he pulls out on the narrow road through the tall buildings, keeping away from the major roads as they are heavily used by FEDRA.

“I heard that” He said, pointing at his ear, eyes on the road. 

“I’m glad your hearing is working, old man. Gives us a bigger chance of survival” you chuckle

“Old man?” He asks, insulted by what you said. “I'll show ya old man if you don't shut the hell up.” 

You roll your eyes, and decide to sit this one out. You know it’s not worth bickering, as you have a long, long road ahead of the two of you. “That’s better” He said after a little while of silence. You roll your eyes once again, deciding with all your will and might not to respond with a snippy comment, as you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of giving him the reaction he so obviously is searching for.

You two drive for hours and hours without saying a word, sitting in the thick tension that is between the two of you. It wasn’t necessarily a comfortable silence, rather a silence that comfortably didn’t mean you had to talk to him. After 7 hours, you can start seeing the shift in the sky, the colors indicating the impending sunset that's occurring. 

“Maybe we should find somewhere to find shelter? Suns going down. “ You point out.

“I could work that out myself, thanks” He mutters. “We've still got a few hours left of daylight. Push on.”

“So I’m guessing your plan is that we sleep in the car?” You question, looking at him. He doesn’t leave his eyes from the road. 

“Yup.” he says. Well, you couldn’t think of any better plan, to be fair. A truck is not a bad place to sleep given the alternative. 

After about an hour or so, the car starts suddenly sputtering. “What the fuck?” Joel mumbles, as he quickly checks around the dashboard to see if there’s any indication as to what’s going on. You look over at him, quizzically. “Fuck!!” He shouts, hitting the steering wheel so hard that it honks, as the car comes to a halt. “That’s just…that’s just fucking great” He says, trying to restart the engine - to no avail. 

“So much for your plan on ‘pushing on’” you said, looking out at the quickly darkening sky, mocking him. He looks annoyed at you, as he gets out of the car, to check the hood. When he does, a light amount of smoke seeps out. 

Well, that sucks. But, you try to remind yourself that this truck was always going to be a temporary luxury, and you got 8 hours into the 12-hour trip. Oh well, more time with… Joel.. Sigh..

“Engines out” He grumbles, waving the smoke away from his face as he closes the hood again, standing and watching hopelessly at the car with one hand on his hip. “We’re not too far from the trucks drop off spot, guess we’ll have to walk the rest of the way.”

“So we just leave it here?” You ask

“Got a better idea? We’re in the middle of nowhere, nobody gonna steal it.” He answers. 

“It’s your head, miller…” You mutter. He chooses not to answer to your snark.   

“I say we still sleep in the car. It’s better than a tent.” 

You nod in agreement “In the middle of the road?” You ask, looking at an already annoyed Joel. He grimaces, whilst he mocks what you just said

“No, you idiot, we’ll have to push it” he stated, looking around the road to see a good spot, and ended up pointing at a spot by some trees a couple meters from the road. “And it ain't an easy feat. Let’s see if you got the strength to push a two tonne vehicle, little miss” 

You shrug. How bad can it be? Joel gets in the car and makes sure its gear is in neutral, as the both of you stand at the back of the car, starting to push. It takes some time, and Joel was right that it was, indeed, not an easy task. By the time you got the car by the trees you’re both catching your breath, Joel sweating profusely

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” You say between breaths, holding your hands on your hips. He’s bent over in exhaustion. 

“Oh bite me” He hisses. You try not to laugh. “We’ll have to leave it here, try to radio Tess somewhere along the way, so they can pick it up - at least before someone steals it” 

You nod. It’s gotten dark, it’s time to sleep. So, you climb into the truck and start leaning back your seat to get as comfortable as you can. Joel does the same.

“So…” You say, breaking out the map. “We’ll have to recalibrate… it’ll be…what I'm guessing… 2 to 3 weeks to walk to our first meetup spot with the informants.” I sigh, already tired. 

Joel nods. “I'll carry ya if ya get tired” He teases, looking over at you as he lays back in his seat.

“Right back at you princess” You answer without a beat, changing the pins in the map, folding it back and lying on your side, away from Joel. He smirks at your answer. 

“Y’sure got a mouth on you” He says.

You roll your eyes as you close your eyes “night”, you mumble, ready to sleep. 

“G'night” he lies back on the seat and put his hat over his face before falling asleep.

--

The morning after, you wake up in a stir. The car was very cold, and the sun was just rising. You look around, and find that Joel is not in the car. You blink the sleep out of your eyes, and realize he’s popped the hood to check if there's any way to salvage this car. He sees you move around your head and peaks on the side of the hood

“g’morning, darlin’” he smirks. Is he more annoying than usual or is it because you just woke up? You can't decide. You furrow your eyebrows. He chuckles to himself at how displeased you seem to be awake. You were, after all, never a morning person. “We gotta get movin’”

“Yeah, yeah..” You mumble, getting out of the car to stretch and go to the backseat to collect all your things. Sleep still in your system, the two of you start walking along the road. After a while, you opt to walking through some hills, as Joel got more and more paranoid of meeting someone on the road. You walked for what must have been…14 hours, only taking a small break to eat something small that Tess had packed, sitting on two different places and not exchanging any words. The sun started setting, the sky turning an orange tinge.

“We better find shelter..come on” He said, looking around and seemingly found a spot not too far away - yet secluded enough to sleep for tonight. He increased his walking pace in a determined manner. You follow along not too far behind. Suddenly he stops dead in his steps. 

“Jesus fucking Christ” He whispered to himself, anger and frustration very, very evident in his voice

“What?” You ask, eyeing him a bit worried about his reaction.

“God fucking damn it” He whispers to himself “Dammit - I forgot my tent. We'll have ta sleep in the open. Hope you ain't afraid of the dark…” 

“Speak for yourself. I brought mine. I ain’t sharing.” You say, resuming your steps. 

“You're a real treat to travel with you know that.” He says, looking at you stood still, frozen by his own frustration as he is kicking himself for forgetting that damn bag.  

“I bet I am!” you yell, as you have managed to walk a bit further along than he has. He sulks as he continues walking. 

You both decide on a safe spot to make a shelter. Joel and you start instinctively preparing to make a fire and collecting anything that will burn. To his dismay, a light downpour of snowflakes suddenly fall from the sky. You look up and laugh at the sheer irony of the situation, the frustration of the day just piling onto Joel. And it’s only the first day at that. “Ain’t that a bitch, huh, Miller?” 

“Gotta be fucking kidding me” He groans. “That’s just great” 

The two of you start a fire, and put two cans of soup on it for dinner. He is sitting against a rock, drinking whiskey, looking as happy as you could in his situation (spoiler alert, he is sulking). You are putting up your tent, which you dutifully brought (unlike Joel) and you pause as you catch a glimpse of the sad man who seems to be very stressed with the current predicament he has found himself in. He is visibly freezing his ass off. You feel strangely bad. He can't sleep in this cold…

“Look, miller” you pause, he looks at you. “You’re going to die in this cold. Let’s just share tents. Ain’t nun weird.”

He scoffs, and looks back at the fire, taking a sip of the whiskey “I'm good”  

You sigh. “Stop being such a fucking Stoic and get over yourself. If you share your whiskey, I’ll share my tent” you say. Maybe by making a deal out of it, it’ll be easier for him to accept your help, you thought. 

He thinks for a while. He weighs out his options, as if there is not only one he can realistically go with - which is to accept your help. “Fine. Half-and-half?”

You nod, somewhat happy that he accepted, yet less happy of the reality - which was that you have to share a tent tonight. “Half and half” You repeat, nodding. You walk towards him and sit next to him. 

He gets another cup from his bag and fills it with his cheap, illegally brewed scotch, and passes it to you. “That’ll warm us up nicely” He said. It tastes like piss and firewood.

“Aye” You say. “How did you manage to remember bringing your whiskey, and not your tent?” You ask, with a slight hint of laughter to your voice. 

He huffed. “Priorities” He smirked, turning to you. 

“Well. I hope you have brought enough to maintain your end of the deal” you say, taking a sip. He silently lifts his bag, emitting a number of clinking noises, entailing he has probably got enough to last him weeks. Maybe a week now that you are involved. 

“Seems like an unnecessarily heavy weight to carry” you remark, taking a sip of the strong liquid. 

He stays silent for a while. “You’ll understand it soon enough” is all he says. Not knowing what he meant, neither caring all too much, you shrug and kept drinking aside each other in the dark silence. You eat the soup when it’s done, too. You pulled your legs to your chest to maintain more warmth, as it feels as though its getting colder by the minute, a few stray snowflakes falling onto the ground and quickly melting away. 

“Didn’t think you were so damn sensitive to the cold” he suddenly said.

“M’not, it’s fucking freezing” you say, breathing out. 

“Don't think I don’t see you shivering, princess” he says, with a sly smirk on his mouth

“Right back at you, princess” You say, mocking the way he said it to you. “Don’t fucking call me that ever fucking again, by the way”

“Someone’s a tad touchy, ain’t they?” He laughs, taking a swig from his whiskey

“Shut up, Miller” 

“Why? M’igetting on your nerves?” he asks, sarcasm swelling in his voice.

“Always have been” You quickly retort. 

“I’d say it’s mutual” 

You nod, as you kept drinking. The whiskey has become a lubrication for the regular anguish you’ve felt in the presence of Joel. Now you felt no more than subtly irritated. The drunker you got, the happier you were of the deal you did with him. You kept drinking in silence, until you’ve drained about a quarter of the bottle - which might seem like a little, unless you calculate the amount of food you’ve ingested compared to the whiskey you’ve drank. Your cup is, once again, empty - and you guide the cup towards Joel, who dutifully fills it with more. 

“Here ya go, princess” he says sheepishly, and you turn to give him a warning look

“I’m serious Joel, I’ll knock the teeth right out of your mouth if you keep calling me that.” You say, rather aggressively. 

“I’d like to see you try” He snorts out. 

You decide not to answer, as he is clearly getting a rise out of antagonizing you. You roll your eyes and chug the rest of your cup. So did, Joel.

He, again, filled your cup. “You seem happy I brought the whiskey. Like you could use some of it” He comments

“No shit. I’ve got two to three months on a mission with you. And it’s only the second night” you  shrug. “Not to mention that we have to share tents…”

“I ain't that bad” He chuckles. 

“You’re drunk” you add. 

“So are you” he quickly responds.

You nod, and sit in silence for a while - both, quite drunk. “I’m fucking tired. You tired?” 

You feel a bit loopy from all the alcohol, but stand up and agree, walking over to your tent. The closer you get to the tent, the more you realize just how small it really is. I mean, it’s small for just one person, imagine how cramped it is for two? Surely, the both of you cannot fit in there - what the hell have you gotten yourself into? You think to yourself. 

Joel walks slowly towards the tent as he watches you look into the tent, worriedly. He looks himself, and the same thought passing your mind right now has suddenly dawned upon his, “Oh, boy….” he mumbled

“Yeah, I know.”. You are both stood there, looking, for a while - until you initiate and climb into the tent, and lie down on the right side - making as much space for Joel’s body as you can. 

“This ain't gonna be comfortable, not one bit...” he says, as he lies down next to you in the tent, in a clumsy and stale motion. 

Your bodies are uncomfortably pressing together, without there being enough room to move away, nor was there to shuffle to a more spacious yet also non compromising position. You tried lying back to back, as it seemed the natural and least intimate way to lie next to one another, thus facing away from one another. Still then, there wasn’t enough space to spare personal space - not in this tent. 

“God this sucks.” you mutter from one side. 

“You got that right.” He answers from the other. 

You groan, as you try to get comfortable, nudging your elbow into his back in the process. He huffs out of pain. “You're making it worse.”

“Shut up. I’m just trying to get comfortable” You say, feeling an unrest in your body - one that the whiskey was not strong enough to numb. 

“So am I” He gets more irritated as you keep nudging into him. 

Finally, you settled to lie on your side, facing away from Joel. He takes the newly found empty space and lies with his arms against your back. You groan. “Your arms are hurting my back”  he does not seem to care, and stays silent. You finally give into defeat, as the mixture of the sleepiness and alcohol slowly seems to overtake your body and you both fall asleep.

Somewhere at night, you had rolled over. Joel was very warm, so naturally, subconsciously, you drifted closer to the source. With your face against his chest, he was softly awoken by the warm breaths coming out of your mouth, in small snores. He looked down, and saw you sleeping peacefully, right against him. He lied completely still, not sure if he should wake you up. The snores were not loud enough to keep him up, so he presumed that is the price he’ll have to pay to sleep somewhere warm tonight, so he tried closing his eyes and fall back asleep, repeating in his head not to look anymore at you - and just go to sleep. 

Suddenly you wake up, the morning after, head plastered against Joel’s chest, with his arm slung around your body, and your arm slung over his shoulder. It felt comfortable and warm….strangely.. Good lying like that, but you didn’t know how to react. It was utterly intimate and had crossed the border to cuddling very long ago.  And oh god…is that your saliva on his shirt? Did you drool on his chest?! You were so close to him that you could smell the stench of whiskey on his breath, no less your own bouncing from his chest and back to your nostrils. You were basically on second base with the man, without ever remembering if you fell asleep that way or if you had done it in your sleep. I mean hell, you barely remember getting into the damned tent…’we must’ve gotten very drunk’ you thought to yourself. You must’ve rolled over and not thought about it.

You lie frozen, unsure what to do in this situation. If you jerk too much, you’ll wake him - but if you don’t move… he’ll see what you are seeing as of right now - which is you two in an extremely compromising situation. Maybe you could turn around? But then it would border spooning…curse this god-damn tent! 

As if awoken by your thoughts, Joel’s body moves as if he’s waking up - and in a hasty and rushed move, he jerks his arm away from you - as if he just went through the same train of thoughts you did when you woke up. “What the fuck” He groaned, looking at you in an.. Almost disturbed manner. 

“Fuck.. Uh, mornin’..” You peep out, embarrassed. Kicking yourself for not acting faster before he woke.

“Morning” he says in a rushed voice as he looks around, slightly panicked. None of you know what to say, an awkward silence hanging over you. He is quick to peel away from you to climb out of the tent. “We gotta get going” he announced.

“Y-yeah” You say, sitting still in the tent, processing the situation. When you have mustered enough strength, you crawl out of the tent too - stretching as you stand up. You pack up and walk alongside each other in silence, might as well have been miles apart. The weight of your unspoken closeness from the previous night's ‘cuddling’ lingers in the air, you were both a bit thrown off, sharing the occasional glances at each other, unsure of how to address what had happened, or whether it was better left unspoken. There wasn’t much to say, to be honest. I mean, what was there to say? 

You got quite accustomed to the silence, to hearing nothing but the sound of your footsteps, wet against the humid grass. You’d think that walking for hours on end without the distraction of conversation would be something that would bother you, it proved to do the opposite. Without it, It was as if the world around you had muted its colors and sounds, leaving only the barest minimum of sensory input - which made time somewhat fly by. The aching in your feet and legs slipped to the back of your mind. You wondered if Joel was quiet because he was doing the same. 

You also wondered what his thoughts were regarding this morning, and how you woke up. You didn’t talk about it, that’s obvious enough…but, what was he thinking about? Maybe he didn’t think about it at all - it was, after all, innocent, you rationalized. Was he also trying to decipher the mixed emotions you were feeling without giving them too much weight - since that might make them real, after all? You can’t deny just how safe and comfortable you felt, regardless of who it was. 

Joel spotted you glancing at him here and there, he was equally aware of the tension. He, too, couldn't shake off the memory; He couldn’t help but to replay the events of last night in his mind, wondering if it was merely a product of shared body heat or something deeper. I mean, he could have just pushed you away…yet the unexpected warmth of your body against his, the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as you slept, your breath hot against his chest.. It had been an intimate moment, and he couldn’t help but…enjoy it. However, he was as stubborn as ever, unwilling to broach the topic nor delve into the act itself. Instead, he focused on the mission at hand, pushing the awkwardness aside, shaking his head, not wanting to think too much of it either.  

As you continued on the journey, the trees began to thin out, and you found yourself standing at the edge of a clearing, the sun going down behind a mountain up ahead. You looked at Joel, who seemingly had the same thought you did - it was time to find shelter. He took the map out of his bag and looked around. “We aren’t too far away from a safe house” he grumbled.

You nodded, taking out a map of your own, trying to help him in the search of said safe house. As you slowly approach the road leading to the building the weather began to change. Dark clouds gather in the sky, and the first few raindrops fall, pelting against your clothes. The urgency of getting under a roof became more apparent, so you quickened your pace. 

Your breaths are visible in the cold, damp air, and the water has seemingly seeped into your clothes - leaving you feel colder and heavier. The cold made your thoughts kept circling back to the tent. The unexpected warmth of Joel's body against yours.. ‘God damn it. Get a grip. it's not even day four, and you're losing your mind.’ You thought to yourself. 

Finally, you reached the safe house, which wasn’t what either of you had hoped for. It was an abandoned decrepit building, a relic of the world before the outbreak, with a roof that had seen better days. It was a stone building, partially hidden away by the tall unkept grass surrounding it, as well as tall trees huddling around it, vines growing on the walls. It was probably old 20 years ago, let alone now… The building was leaking from the roof and had gaping holes in the walls - making the shelter far from ideal. It offered some protection from the rain, but not much else. It was, however, better than getting drenched in the pouring rain and being exposed to the elements. You closed the door behind you and took a moment to catch your breath, looking around. 

“Well.. This is the best we've got for now” He finally muttered as the wind howled through the gaping holes in the walls. 

You look around and find it was pretty empty. There wasn’t any furniture, just a chair. Floor filled with scattered garbage and miscellaneous, dusty items from people who have been here before. The water is dripping from your clothes onto the stone floor beneath you, creating a puddle. "We need to get out of these wet clothes," he finally stated, his voice practical and no-nonsense. 

You knew he was right, but the timing of it made it slightly uncomfortable. He knew he was straining on the already strange atmosphere that has been looming over the two of you since you found each other in the brace of one other. However, you also knew the reality of the situation. Your pride was warring with the necessity of the situation. The chill in the air and the knowledge of the dangers of hypothermia prevailed, and rational thought found its way back to you. You have months left to travel with Joel - and undressing in front of him to ward off sickness should not be an embarrassing thing, it ensures your survival and should be nothing more - is nothing more.

He could see the hesitation in your eyes, as you shivered, teeth chattering. He looked around for any dry fabric he could find within the safehouse—tattered old blankets and worn-out jackets. It wasn't the most comfortable solution, but it would have to do for now. He picked up a jacket. “Here.” 

You nodded in agreement and began peeling off your drenched attire. Joel did the same, his back turned to maintain some semblance of privacy. Finally free from the soaked garments, you are quick to put on the jacket, zipping it, covering your body enough to feel more comfortable. You start wringing out the excess water from the clothes you wore, leaving a puddle of water there. You avoided even looking in the direction of Joel, who you know is (most likely) currently butt naked. Instead, you find a moth-eaten blanket in a corner of the room that the rain hadn’t reached. Shivering uncontrollably, you wrap it around your waist, covering your exposed legs. You could see a not so naked Joel who had found some pieces of clothing to cover himself, thankfully. He was now hanging his wet clothes against the singular chair that he moved to one of the few dry spots in the house, so you opt to do the same. The room was still far from warm, and the leaky roof didn't help matters, but, at least you were in dry clothes, if you can call them that.

You spot the ever so tiny wood burning stove in the corner of an empty adjoining room. You check if there’s any wood in there, and to your surprise there is - however, not much of it. Enough for tonight, and that’s all that mattered. You started a small fire and quickly huddled up against it for warmth. Joel walked into the room, as he’d seen the light from the fire from the corner of his eye. He nodded in approval as he silently walked towards you, sitting down next to you to also keep warm. You both sit there in silence, waiting for the clothes to dry. 

Joel broke the silence, his voice softer this time "We'll have to wait out the storm here, and then we can continue our journey." You nod, agreeing.

As the night wore on, the humidity in the room strangled the feeble fire you had managed to kindle earlier, ultimately snuffing it out. The temperature inside the safehouse plummeted, and it became apparent that you couldn't rely on the fire for warmth any longer “Damn it” You mutter, shivering once again, trying to revive the fire - to no avail. 

What was also apparent was that the two of you were so obviously treading around the one thing you knew would help warm you up, very much proven by last night. Unsure, feeling awkward, you didn’t know if you should bring it up. Proudly, you both sat there in silence. The memory of the previous night and the warmth that entailed lingered in the back of both of your minds. It had been an unspoken but undeniable source of comfort in the midst of the harsh world you inhabited, and now, with the cold seeping into your bones, and the urgency to get warm overtaking the awkward tension looming over you, the thought of that shared warmth became impossible to ignore.

Without saying a word, you shifted closer to Joel, seeking his body heat. Joel, initially surprised, looking over at you, understood the unspoken request and shifted to accommodate you. It was an unspoken agreement, a silent acknowledgment that you needed each other's warmth to survive the harsh, cold night. 

With a shared understanding of practicality and mutual vulnerability, you created a makeshift sleeping area consisting of zipped up sleeping bags, dry blankets and whatever else fabric you could spare that would dampen the solidity of the cold, damp floor. This was where you settled as you finally lay side by side. You tried to find a comfortable position, mirroring the way you had slept in the tent the night before, with him against your back. Your bodies pressed together, and your breaths synchronized in the cold darkness, neither of you speaking about it, rather you let your bodies instinctively gravitate closer, seeking the heat that the other provided. 

In the quiet of the night, as you shared body heat to stave off the biting cold, the tension that had lingered between the two of you began to seemingly fade. Despite the uncomfortable surroundings and your strained relationship, you both found a strange comfort in your shared warmth and the familiarity of each other's presence. There was no need for snark, nor sly remarks; pissing each other off. Neither did you have to discuss the somewhat uncomfortable, albeit innocent yet necessary, situation you’ve found yourself in. The cold was unforgiving, and your priority was to avoid hypothermia. You were, after all, nothing but two survivors making the best of the harsh and unforgiving circumstances given to you, finding solace and comfort in each other's company, even if it was unconventional.

He hesitantly kept his arms to his side. Joel broke the silence, clearing his throat, his voice barely a whisper, "I never thought I'd miss that damn tent." trying to diffuse more of the tension. 

You slightly laugh, feeling a slight cramp in your body from the duress of the situation. The laugh eased up some internal tension you didn’t even know you were holding onto. “It was for sure warmer than this” You chuckle. 

He smiled. And that was that. You were both admittedly exhausted, and drifted off into a very well-earned sleep, lulled by the heat radiating between the two of you. Secretly, you couldn’t help but to wish for the extra warmth that came from his arms around you, as it did yesterday, holding you impossibly close, keeping you safe in his big strong arms. Little did you know that he was thinking the same, but it was simply a line that Joel couldn't bring himself to cross. You had already navigated enough awkwardness and unspoken emotions that night. That didn’t stop him, however, from subconsciously doing so in his sleep - just as he did the night before. 

Morning came, and you were awakened by the sun shining through the window, and onto your face. To your surprise, you felt your body be wrapped in the warmth of Joel's embrace. He must have instinctively put his arm around you whilst he slept. At first, you felt a sense of contentment. It was strange, but also undeniable. It was a reassuring feeling, knowing that he was there, holding you tightly - just as you had secretly hoped. But, as your senses fully woke up, you became acutely aware of something else - a firm pressure against your back that couldn't be ignored. You froze, your eyes widening in shock, and your heart raced as you registered the presence of Joel's erection pressed against your back. Joel was still asleep, as far as you were concerned. His breath heavy and warm on your shoulder, light snores leaving his mouth. Your mind raced as you tried to process the situation. You two had already crossed so many boundaries during the night to stay warm, but this felt like an entirely different kind of boundary altogether. Was this intentional? Or just a physiological response to their proximity? 

Was there a sick, twisted part of you that engulfed your mind with fantasies of alleviating the pressure burning in the pit of your stomach with the (from what your back could feel was a very appropriately sized) dick prodding at your back? Yes. You were only human, after all. Were you going to do anything about it? No. You knew this was not intentional, not realistically. You’re a grown woman and know that he couldn’t control it just as much as you couldn’t control your deep guttural reaction to such an… event.

You debated over your next moves, unsure of how to navigate this uncharted territory. If you move away, he will wake up, realize he has a boner and think it scared you off. But if you lie there, hoping it goes away, and he wakes up with a raging boner still in full swing rubbing against you - he’d be mortified. Him, being a proud man would never live that down, and would probably not talk to you again, or at least not know what to say, in the midst of his own embarrassment. After yesterday, and the progress you made in your ‘partnership’, you couldn’t help but to dread the deafening silence that came with the impending awkwardness. You’ve been through so much already, and have yet to even get close to finishing this mission. So much left yet to go through. You have crossed so many bridges, this is just one of them. This was just a fleeting moment and not as significant as it might feel in the heat of the moment. It’s not a big deal, not really, just bodies doing body stuff. Or at least that is what you are telling yourself.

Carefully, you adjusted your position ever so slightly, shifting your body away from his rock solid member to relieve the pressure between your bodies, all the while ensuring that you didn't wake him from his peaceful slumber. It was a delicate maneuver to maintain the pretense of sleep, but you hoped it would be enough for you to potentially feign ignorance, just in case he was awake. You, flustered by the situation and the thoughts lingering in your (albeit perverse) mind, could not fall back asleep. Rather, you lied there letting your thoughts run wild. Couldn't hurt to indulge into harmless fantasy?

A couple of moments later, you could feel shifting next to you. Joel slowly woke up, feeling the oh so familiar throbbing that welcomes him in the mornings from time to time. Joel comes to his senses as he gently wakes up, quickly remembering the way he fell asleep against you and how much of a compromising position that would be for him right now. He quickly snapped his eyes open to see, to his relief, that you had moved away in your sleep, or at least so he thought. ‘Phew’ he thought to himself. He quickly sprung to his feet, leaving the room - hoping it goes away before you wake. He was not entertaining the idea of taking care of it, it could be too risky. 

Him waking up reminded you of his existence, which filled your lust driven mind with an enormous guilt and shame regarding your thoughts. He didn’t have control over that, and your insatiable mind went and ran with it. You quickly shook the thoughts off and tried to think of something else as you laid there, unsure how to proceed.. 

You laid still until you heard Joel packing his bag. You took it as an indication that you were out of the woods, and had dodged a bullet - even though the both of you are flustered by it, without the knowing that the other one knew. You get up, and start folding the cloth and blankets that made up your ‘bed’, and walked out to the room with the bags and packed. Joel didn’t say anything. 

“G’mornin’” You announce your presence. He, already hyper aware of it, hums as a response. You don't look much into it, relieved he isn’t treating you differently considering last night's sleeping arrangements. When you packed up, you put your backpack around your shoulders, your rifle around your neck and the rest of your gear clinging to the bag. You look at Joel, who is watching you as you pull the straps of the bag. You look up and nod. “Let’s go?” 

He nods. You’re off.

[scalproie]

there is something really weird in mk12 about the disconnect between kuai liang and his role as scorpion

He is called feisty. Raiden goes to him so he can help him "stoke the fire" of rage. Such traits you expect from good old scorpion, as he should be and IS the angry revenge-driven fire wraith/ninja/whatever

But if you ignore all that's said and actually look at kuai liang... he is not angry or rageful, and couldnt be any less feisty, the only thing feisty about him is his ability to control flames. He is not revenge-driven, even after being scarred physically and emotionally by bi-han, he doesnt kill him, he knocks him out and carries him away so he cant help out the deadly alliance, all in a logical manner (but also its so unemotional on his part Im willing to bet it's not even smth the writers planned to write him as, it just happened bc they didnt know how to write him in a compelling way). He is rational and patient, you could even call him passive and reactionary. That's not scorpion-like, whose impulsiveness has been an established part of his character for quite a while now, that's more like sub zero. Because for the better part of 30 years, kuai liang has been sub zero

edit: after careful re-watch, my former point no really longer stand, he did very much try to kill bi-han after the reveal he let their father die. But even then, if I may... that vengeance streak doesnt really last long now does it?

I know bi-han being back as the main carrier of the sub zero mantle has rekindled some debates over who the best sub zero is between the two brothers but that just goes to show: BOTH are sub zero.

So having a sub zero being casted in the role scorpion, as both characters are POLAR (eh) OPPOSITES of each other, you end up with a weird hybrid in the middle who is neither one nor the other. In the previous timelines, scorpion starts things, kuai liang reacts as either tundra or sub zero.

Kuai liang took pride in being lin kuei, he's been called the redeemer by previous games and that's really what he is! He fights FOR the lin kuei and steers it into the right direction. Here in mk12 he just... leaves the clan. As soon as it goes toward evil. He wants to restore its honor but he leaves it to be corrupted in the first place. He doesnt fight for it to stay good. It almost reads as if he has no pride for it if he's ready to let its name be tarnished so easily after YEARS of tradition and services toward the forces of good. Did he had no ideals for the clan growing up? Did his father always hyped up bi-han as the next grandmaster? Then why didnt kuai liang also had absolute loyalty for his brother no matter what his decisions are?

No he goes to make a new clan, and why? Well that's only because scorpion is not associated with the lin kuei, but the shirai ryu. In fact, everything that happens to kuai liang doesnt happen because of who kuai liang is, it happens because IT HAS to happen because he's scorpion.

As much as the writers (through liu kang) tells us that "in this new timeline, everyone can choose their destiny" in the opening, kuai liang's character is shackled by being scorpion. If he didnt had to follow the Scorpion Staples(tm) of being a shirai ryu grandmaster married to harumi, he wouldnt abandon his clan and get with harumi (a character he never had history with once, and no, his ending telling us that they were "childhood friends" doesnt count. It feels extremely forced and comes from nowhere) to form a new clan when he could just fight his brother for the legacy and pride of the clan in the first place.

BESIDES. If harumi already had a clan she was the grandmaster of, why did kuai liang renamed it to something else instead? What was that clan's name that kuai, an outsider, decided to overwrite? It makes it look like he married her for influence and the power to go toe-to-toe against bi-han and his lin kuei. But hey. Its okay because he named it after harumi's new last name that cannot possibly work in the canon where she's with hanzo because there, the shirai ryu has been around for hundred of years before her.

Listen, I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt for Kuai!Scorpion, hell I even called out the lin kuei/shirai ryu rift happening at one point bc it was SO OBVIOUSLY happening. But now that it's out and I see how they handled it. Man I really really REALLY dont like how easily you can see the seams of this narrative, and how clearly it makes everything related to it worse.

[rosaniruby]

So I watched that video on youtube "It's all about Ruby" where they explain why ruby is probably the cause of all the supernatural stuff and i dont know why i didnt think of that earlier.

I didn't see anyone talk about it here so i just wanted to point out the times when ruby imply that she is the one being guided every time she gains some kind of succes in her career.

and almost always whenever crows appear ruby is there almost like they're connected to her. And they actually guide her.

so the theory that since this town worships amenouzume (the goddes of art, deity off fulfilled wishes.) its probably the fact that sarina prayed to become an idol and died before it could be fulfilled that she was listened and eventually reborn (mind you, she wasn’t reborn for 4 years and just waited till ai will give birth, in contrast to aqua who convieniently died the same night. Why would they give ai's child the soul of a girl already dead for 4 years if she wouldn't be connected.) as ai's child with aqua there with her as 'the only other person she loved'.

That's what the theory says and im inclined to agree. after all, the crow girl says herself that ruby is fulfilling her role amazingly meanwhile aqua still has to think about it.

(But what is ruby doing different than aqua? They both try to get to their father. Unless, ruby being popular is an important factor.)

Let me just point out as well that shes basically saying ai's death or rather the hope of her reincarnation is the factor that would stop them from achievening their goal or purpose, so we can say ai's death was a very important factor in whatever happened and, maybe, just as goro's death to ruby, was supposed to drive them to change their behavior. It's already something we could assume but the question is what role did crow girl played in ai's death and why she choose not to reincarnate her. Bc It's like she's saying aqua can't hope for ai to live a happy life since it distracts him from his destiny, because then he would rest, and he still doesn't do what he's supposed to.

Personally, I think there is a big missing piece of puzzle we still dont know, either in ruby's past with the gods or ai's secret we haven't came to know, that is the cause of it all. But surely all those things contributed majorly as well, after all ruby is more important to the plot than some people might think bc of her absence.

Oh and someone also noticed the mention of amaterasu (connected to amenouzume)

'her children also carry great destinies'

Again, this isn't my theory and I recommend you to watch that video on youtube if you want to know more details!!

[future-boi]

Get To Know Me Tag Game!

Thanks to @mythical-bookworm and @alex-a-fans for tagging me.

tbh this is just a song rec list LMAO [easier to open in a browser fyi]

1) Spell your name in songs

Y'all get two for the price of one cuz I couldn't decide if I wanted to go with all non-English songs or not.

The non-English songs are labeled with 🧋 in case you wanna avoid 🤪

Warning: Most of the songs in english have swear words so... just in case u got kids or ur strict parents around LMAO.

⚡️ F: Fighter Not a Lover

aro/ace people gonna love that shit ^ + no swear words

alt: fml u fucked me up

⚡️ U: URARA🧋

It translates to 'Oo-la-la', which I now realize is the magazine Biff was carrying around in the second movie... this was unintentional and the meaning of the song is very wholesome, trust me

alt: Upside Down

⚡️ T: this was a demo for this one song...

That one's like 50% f-bombs ^ i love it

alt: Toxic but its NOT Brittany, B*tch 💅

The most aggressive entry on this list

⚡️ U: Up Up and Away

The only f-bomb is in the second verse

alt: Unmei no Roulette Mawashite 🧋

'unmei' means 'destiny' so you know I had to include it

⚡️ R: Raining in Manila (half 🧋)

Couple of dudes just vibin' out in the studio, what's not to love?

alt: RAHHHH

^im convinced this is what suburbanites see in their nightmares

⚡️ E: Electricity (half 🧋)

alt: Extensyon

Both make up the most WHOLESOME entry in this

⚡️ -(hyphen): Hatid Sundo 🧋

Baby. Baby boi. Baby. vibes ^

alt: Hell to Sell

EVIL. vibes ^

🚫🧢 I have a problem with tonal whiplash. Did I cheat and use the hyphen to include the most wholesome and cute song right before pulling out the lowkey most scandalous song in the list? YES.

Just realized it doesn't work as well if you can't understand it, but trust me. I mean just listening to its vibes is enough 😩

⚡️ B: Balik Sa Umpisa 🧋

Any song that samples/remixes 'Stand By Me' is a W in my book.

alt: Bodybag

I'm just self-reporting at this point.

Ok the rest are very wholesome songs I swear

⚡️ O: Oretachi Rookies 🧋

alt: Oh, Imagine That

ok this one's tied for most wholesome in the list

⚡️ I: I/Me/Myself

gnc/nb people gonna love this shit ^

alt: I Really Like You

that was a struggle, R is the top pick to check out imo. E, O and I are the wholesome ones with no swear words if u care.

2) Why did you choose your URL?

Its based. ..off the song in the musical. I got back into the fandom because of the musical so I owe it that much. 'boi' sounds more gender-neutral than 'boy'

3) What is your middle name?

That's a secret!

4) If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be?

Shapeshifter.

5) Favorite color?

Purple. Lavender/Periwinkle specifically.

6) Song you love right now?

What? 🧋 The amount of crackhead energy, but genuine emotion... AND AESTHETIC. it was literally made for me LMAO Ken is so aggro but hes singing about not littering. like why is he so intimidating-- but i support the eco-friendly king. but fr the song is about waving ur flag with pride??? PRIDE???? and they look androgynous asf??? whats not to love

7) Top four fandoms? (Current Fandoms?)

Back to the Future

That's it

jk uhhh, Invincible

Thats it, dont wanna get into past fandoms rn

8) Tag nine people

mf u think i know 9 people??

im playin, lemme tag some cool people... not that u have to do this, i just wanted to bother u 🤪 but feel free to do it, i wanna hear other music 🥺🥺🥺

⚡️ @maxintime LOVE UR ART STYLE. BEEN TOO SHY TO BOTHER U THO 😭

⚡️ @jowritesfanfiction my inspo, my density, ILY. Im never shy bout bothering u in my posts HAVE U GOTTEN THE RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME YET 🤪🤪😭😭😭 ive tagged this mf in every other post istg

⚡️ @moth-makay ur great frfr 😭😭 all the hugs. r u gonna post more art??? cuz u shouuuld 🥺

⚡️ @bttf-dork ur name and pfp give comfy vibes??? its very endearing. dunno how to describe it, but i like seeing u in my notifs 🥰 bUT UR ART DOHHH. immaculate. underrated.

⚡️ @pepsifox88 i hope u continue to cook ✨ everyone go and GIVE THEM SUPPORT, I AM NO LONGER ASKING

and to the rest of u, thank u for liking a bunch of my work, whenever i see long lists of likes like that, or if i see ur name often 'nuff, i always notice 😇, i never know how to say thank you!!

@leftoverspagehhti

@karorurodriguez

@epikprinc

@mapleflavedpepperoni

@xmaster3000

@jayisnotdrawing

@jackofthecards

@ectojester

@cat0marble

Didn't include everyone, but just know that i noticed you!!! 💝

watch me get reported for harassment by all these people 😂

[bonefall]

Happy Clanmew day!

I sent an ask a long time ago where I mentioned three of my OCs: Luckmoon, Wishflight, and Hopeshine. And I finally got around to translating their names!

Luckmoon = Ssamepshom (literally providence-moon, very fitting for Luckmoon as he is a Cleric)

Wishflight= Shabayiooa (literally prayer-acrobatic-flying)

Hopeshine Im having trouble with, I used 'shayu' (light source) for shine, but I can't find hope or an equivalent concept

Here's a few other OC names I'm proud of:

Ripplestep= Niparrpapp (rippling-will-walk) very fun to say!

Ferretscar = haakekeyack (ferret-scar) lol

Pebbletooth = Wibrakoss (pebble-front-tooth) I spent a long time agonizing over which tooth to use as part of her name, I went with front tooth because she does a lot of the den building and camp maintenance for the clan so I figured she would be using her front teeth to carry building materials

Last note, is there a Clanmew word for honey? My boy Honeystripe is one of my fav OCs and I need to translate his name!

Thank you for sharing this awesome conlang with the world, I had a lot of fun playing with my character's names and fitting them into a new language!

Excellent names!

Front-Tooth was absolutely the perfect word for Pebbletooth, based on what you've shared. The front teeth are what cats use for finer manipulation, like grooming or picking up kittens by the scruff! So that was the best choice for a tooth-suffix honoring dexterity.

For honey, there's a fun post either coming up or already posted, which contains a word for various types of insect nests. So, you can either use the word for pure honey, Mla, or the word for honeycomb, Mlogur!

And one last fun fact, WindClan has a special word for their favorite type of honey. Afwa-en-Mla, Heath's Honey! It is the extra thick, jelly-like honey that is produced from bees that make their honey from heather. It's often shortened to just Awfanmla.

Weird that there wasn't a word for hope yet, so I went back and found that oops! We didn't get it into the lexi! Here it is,

Mele = Hope, faith, trust that things will work out through StarClan's guidance.

Like most other Clanmew values (wish, destiny), it's seen as religious.

[decadentrot]

Assclass Wild West Au 🐎🐎🐎

And honestly i love Nagisa's design, I love the concept of the assclass girls hiding guns underneath their dresses and everyone riding horses and nagisa being a bomb bounty hunter, but wtf is kayano's hat and karma's fashion choices here?? Like hes wearing this blue cheeta print shirt and red pants and he put his sheriff star like in the bottom middle of his coat and he's carrying a missile launcher?!?!

Aside from that, im strangely hooked onto this au like nagisa being the best bounty hunter and constantly in a standoff with sheriff karma and trusting the sweet innkeeper kayano only to find out shes been one of his bountys for the longest time. Meanwhile karma being a lazy sheriff whose constantly throwing Terasaka's gang of bandits in jail. And then theres the saloon sisters being the shadow leaders who use kanzaki to lure people into the bar and then okuda makes strong liquor to inebriate them and then nakamura learns all their secrets to run the town. Also i love the gold digger joke between isogai and maehara, i imagine them trying to manifest destiny and traveling to the gold mines in california

If I do plan on adding the rest of the class, like i need to come up with terasaka gang's bandit designs. Also, I picture cowboy sugino going on a horseback ride with kanzaki and getting absolutely robbed by the highway men and kanzaki having to pull out her gun and save him lmao

Edit: I'm really sorry for my original post and for offending any Native Americans. In my original post, I included the assassination classroom official art where there was a depiction of Hayami in a Native American outfit and I admittedly, did not do as much research into the history behind it as I should have. When I have more free time, I wanted to do a research deep dive into the Indian culture and understand what they wore and their lifestyle during that time period in order to properly do this AU. I never meant to culturally appropriate the Native American culture or erase their existing culture with a stereotypical "American" version of it. It was a pretty spontaneous decision based on the designs and my limited knowledge of the western genre and the history during that era, so I really do apologize. Again, I'm sorry for showing a depiction of the stereotype and I will do more research in order to be more respectful if I do decide to continue with this AU.

[jellyfish3s]

how destiny's child emotion and killugon are post-separation parallels; a very, very long analysis i wrote in 2h

hi! im danaë, an autistic person which sp-in is psychology and hxh, mainly killugon. i spent two hours yesterday writing about this topic instead of sleeping so enjoy it lol

WARNING!! if you didn't notice THEY'RE LOVE INTERESTS. this text isn't killugon-free, im proud of it AND im blocking everyone that cries about them being only besties. respectfully, no. thank you. (also, english isn't my first language. sorry for any eventual spelling mistakes!)

right on the first verse we hear "it's over and done / but the heartache lives on the inside / and who are you clinging to instead of me tonight?". this could apply to both gon and killua.

gon & "and who are you clinging to instead of me tonight?". killua left with alluka, he has someone to care about and protect. he has company. gon isn't the type to be jealous of a little girl (really, people need to wake up about it. he isn't), but he IS the type to be sad about not being cared even if he denies it. he's a kid; every kid likes to feel protected.

but the thing is, killua isn't happy about it neither. even if he loves to protect alluka, it's different. he loves her, of course, but there's the lack of the warmth of being mutually cared because gon ALSO cared about his well-being (and im fighting everyone who says he didn't). im not saying alluka won't care for killua, but she'll care like a little sister does, not how someone that love you romantically does — and that's good because killua would NOT be able to make it if anyone tried to be the tiniest bit of what gon was when they parted ways.

and then comes this: "and where are you now? / now that I need you? / tears on my pillow / wherever you go, go". oh, dude. this is so killugon i feel ashamed of trying to explain to hxh community /hj

they both were constantly hurting from being away, even though this was the best for them at the time. they wanted each other to be near, wanted and needed, but they couldn't. there is this thin and fragile veil of deep sorrow that would make them get so attached to the other that would be more sickening than the sadness of losing their "other piece" for a while. it's more worth crying over memories than losing their mind from being deadly (metaphorically and literally) codependent.

this links to the next phrase: "i'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean". crying alone is more safe than being next to each other. they'll cry over memories, as i said, and they'll cry about distance and they'll cry over everything that could've been different. they'll find the other in their tears, the hugs will come out of the bittersweet sorrow they carry around, but they'll be separated. they can cry rivers that lead to a valley of what it was and what could've been, but it'll be all. the sadness won't make them be together again.

there comes killua part: "you'll never see me fall apart". he needs to be the big brother now. he need to be alluka's point of safety so he can assure their existence, and for this killua needs to be strong as a rock, he needs alluka to look at him and think she can trust him with anything. he's the big brother, isn't he? emotions about a past that doesn't belong to him anymore aren't going to help with surviving. but he does break silently, while he is trying to sleep ("tears on my pillow"), when something looks to much like a typically gon thing, when memories crawl in. he's just a fragile boy needing to use the super strong hero facade again.

the first part of the next verse is "in the words of a broken heart / it's just emotions taking me over / caught up in sorrow, lost in the song / but if you don't come back / come home to me, darling". this is suffering. both of them are heartbroken, left "alone" to face worlds they feel they don't belong to anymore, wanting their partner in crime to make things less insufferable. they remember the other on daily little things — a song, a quote, a smell. but killua never comes to visit and gon isn't able to do it either — there's no home left besides each other's hearts, and they live there rent-free even if it hurts like hell. memories hurt, the past is like glass and salt being poured into an open wound to later be mixed with alcohol, but they aren't able to say goodbye to it because saying goodbye to the pain is like saying goodbye to the last tangible thing they've from each other — ironically, the pain of being separated —, and the last thing they want is to say goodbye again so they hold it close to their hearts like a trophy.

but as if they're bargaining, here comes "don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight? / and don't you know there's nobody left in this world kiss goodnight?". there's people, but there's nothing of what they need. they need someone that knows how to make them feel safe, loved, safe — nor alluka or mito can do this for neither gon or killua the way they need it to be done. they try to, but they can't because the type of sadness they're carrying is exclusively from a love that never had a true end; they parted ways, but never stopped loving each other even if their trust was a little bit weaker, and carrying a love that is technically in open hurts so much that no one can try to mimic how it was. a tight hug from mito or alluka won't be the same of a silly headpat from killua or a bright smile from gon because isn't about the act but who's doing it.

and then we've the last verse before the music repeats itself, that i truly believe that wraps up everything in killugon's love story: "i'm there at your side / a part of all the things you are / but you got a part of someone else / you gotta go find your shining star".

gon wanted to find ging and be back at whale's island; killua had to protect alluka. they felt so much love, but they had other people in their lives too that needed to be looked over. even if their story is forever intertwined at some point, both of them are mix of a lot of people and have small amounts of them inside themselves. this is what makes it a tiny little bit easier to go through not having each other near: other people. the tiny pieces of every person they've ever met that created their personality and their new horizons are what eventually make them heal from all the suffering and sorrow and finally be able to reunite again, friendship strong and a love so healthy like a daisy that just blossomed.

they're forever in love. the distance and the sadness was necessary for them to see that things can be hard to handle alone, but they're never alone as they have other people that care for them deeply and are willing to see them fully happy — just as in emotion's music video. when they learn to be complete by themselves, they can multiply together and form a relationship that adds up, not that is dangerously subtracting their mental health. they deserve to love each other when they're ready. ♡

end of the analysis. thx for reading this bible i wrote in 2h lol