#im cooked and devestated

[transannabeth]

found my old theater tag from when i did theater and getting really really upset again deep breaths

[beetrotxo]

is anyone else mahito's number one hater and wisher upon his downfall or am i alone in the cold and unforgiving world.

[lifes-line]

DEFO DEFO TAZ SPOILERS

So one of my favorite taz aus is what I call "the replacement au" or the "Lup Au" which is basically what if it was Taako who died or went missing and it was Magnus, Merle, and Lup working for the BOB

In which case that poses a lot of questions for each arc so lemme tell you my theories on how it would've gone

Here they be gerblins:

Lup has always had a horrible ache in her heart. She wouldn't call it depression but no matters how hard she tries to move on and forget. She has always felt something painful and missing in her heart. Like someone ripped out a huge half of it and left her with the rest. She's had this feeling all her lonely life as a single child and no matter what magic she used on herself or how many people she surrounded herself with... she couldn't escape that feeling... Magnus and Merle somehow helped though. Being the absolute dumbasses they are.

Lup finds herself flirting with barry blue jeans and disappointed he wont be joining them later-

Lup sees Taako's skeleton/corpse and takes the wizard hat and his glave(or whatever his magical weapon he made during their year of artificing was)

She feels drawn to the phoenix fire gauntlet and she teases about putting it on alot(before phandalin goes to shit), she also gives it a high five but she isnt dumb enough to put it on and understands how dangerous it is and how devestating the events that follow are

Lunar interlude one

Lucretia is baffled to see lup having taako's things on but thats not important

im gonna say Lup gets pretty similar things to taako since they are the same class(just different schools of magic)

She doesn't fuck with leon as much as taako does but she still does of course

Murder on the rock port limited:

They get on the train without charm person but of course theyre still "not who they appear to be" as merle keeps loudly insisting they kill the ticket guy

Lup respects angus but they dont get close as he does with Taako so instead Angus gets closer with Magnus though Lup does offer to teach angus some magic lessons

Smokes that crab

Pretty much all of the taako things except she might be a lil less dramatic about the drink cart

Petals to the metal

Lup and hurley are bffs dont even trip

Lup defo found Sloane attractive but backed off when she found out she was taken

also found captain captain bane attractive

a quip of "My type are hardcore nerds with those obnoxious spectacles and sexy science facts"

Lup either picks a mongoose mask or goes with a phoenix I imagine

She would threaten the guards to get into the hammerhead base at first but then switch up to help out Merle's plan - or she'd just straight up kill the last guy and hit em with the "I forgot about that"

Since theres no way to absorb the arcane core she makes it explode and it works just as well

You can assume she has taakos position in the car ride, but most likely she cannot summon Garyl and instead klaarg comes in and saves merle and later her

Red robe shows up and shes the only one who fucking remembers the director telling them about them and she is the only one to insist they dont listen to him

but they do anyway and she gets majorly suspicious

Small lunar interlude:

Fuck Lucas but not fuck him but yknow

Oh yeah the red robe? "I want to let you know I am the only one who actually remembered we should've bounced"

Crystal Kingdom

Oooh transmutation relic not her thing

She cooks tho

Lucretia? "That's such a cute ass name, I'm gonna start calling you Lucy"

can i also have a red suit

that pink thing looks like salt

Also in consensus Lucas in fact a huge asshole.

Actually answers buddy bots question/riddles within the first two minutes

Yeah ill go into the elevator world? Oh no cockroaches? Yeah Lup makes fun of merle for liking cockroaches and then kills the one he missed.

They meet N03ll3 which is great and all but what do you mean you keep picking up lich activity

Go into Lucas's room cause Lup disguises self

Ok I dont know what a lich is why do you keep harassing me

Merle loses an arm oh fuck

Also gonna kill Lucas

fine lets learn some science

oh its that red bitch again - Lup is only not running because her boys wanna hear this too and also this lich is like weirdly flirting with her

"It's... Lup, where did you get that hat?" "Oh this? I took it off of some skeleton on our first adventure." "... oh my god.. you.. you found him... you..."

Weird I just made this lich who was flirting with me upset about my dope ass hat

YEAH SHES BEEN WEARING TAAKOS WIZARD HAT THIS WHOLE ASS TIME

skipping a bit woah oil can time

woah the crystal guy is back and instead of merle being the most dangerous its Luuuuuup? Whyyyyy????

"Wait haven't I seen you before?" He asks Lup and she tilts her head. The crystal shakes his head. "Nevermind. one second-"

Guys hes calling me a lich or possessed by one what do I do

Kick ass, Not tentacling dick ew, lucas there you are - woah magnus

Oh its the grim reaper, No we are not being shipped together-

Lore

"And you, Lup. Are still dead." "... Sorry what-" "You're dead?" "Nah I still got my hit points, I mean I'm bruised and bloody but I'm still alive." "Yeah is this maybe another Lup... or...?" "No. She's a lich. She is an undead entity that must be locked away in the eternal stockade." "How about fuck that (tries to kick his ass)"

More lore

YoU ATE THE WHAT

Oh hi kravitz, can you look pass this posession if I promise to have someone free me? And if this lich leaves me so im not a vessel anymore you can come get it, trust "... I.. I cannot let a lich get out of my sight." "Bro I cannot fight you anymore." "Well, it would be more dangerous if you died but you refuse to come peacefully." "I dont think Im a lich I just think im posessed - we've done a lot of crazy shit in our adventures-" bla bla bla fine its settled

We'll debrief in a sec ig here lemme uhh. i dont have transmutation its so over , just shape the damn stone and idk someone else can do magic right?

Debriefing oh yeah the red robe was there, yeah i lowkey dont really trust you, ok fine i can settle

They dont talk about the deaths to lucy in canon but after the debriefing Lup gathers the boys up and talks to them "Hey so you know how he called me an undead evil lich. so like... lets not tell the director and merle can you like perform an exorcism or something just to see if its true?" "Uh I have detective good and evil?" "Dope." And NOTHING HAPPENS BECAUSE LUP ISNT EVIL- but merle does detect some necromantic energy radiating off her whole being but he doesnt have like a spell to fix her so theyre like lets not worry about it rn

Lunar interlude

Alright angus this is magic, cooking? Why the fuck would i teach you how to cook

Ok you got me i grew up by myself in a lonesome life as a vendor but i didnt cook or anything I just spent my whole life doing side jobs and saving people. yeah fire is my speciality but like i wouldnt recommend it for you cause its literally fire. and youre a kid.

Whered I get the glave? A skeleton from a cave. He was wearing a red robe so lowkey maybe im possessed by his spirit but like... doubt.

Eleventh hour

I believe in you ango

woah we're here

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FIGHTING THE WORMS LEAVE THEM ALONE THEYRE JUST BABIES

alright lets get this bread - bye avi - hello clay perosn. roswell? ok Wow that statue sure is red what the fuck

"This is bad.. this is a bad thing i did." Yeah I kept it.

Hi Cassidy im sure we can be besties

woah earthquake

Lets go in the inn, oh hello pretty elf lady, ok she doesnt care about me wdym you know magnus - guys wait dont make me talk to her alone

"Why do you live in a bubble?" "Lup." "WHAT?"

I wanna meet paloma fuck you guys

I will go to town on these scones, you need gold can I trade you anything else

I can hardly remember these goddamn loops so lets assume that lup and taako do alot of the same shit except she doesnt steal any of this shit -

Put him in a bubble... ok-

Hi Istus, What's this? Not a bag of holding? "This item... has the ability to bring back anyone from the dead, as long as they have been deceased for at least over a decade." "Oh this could be useful for all the guys you killed!" "Yeah!" "Well... you could save it too but... yes I suppose so?" "But only for over a decade." "Why the fuck is that so specific?" "STOP SWEARING IN FRONT OF CHRISTMAS" "ITS ISTUS"

Ok get that cup

Fuck you issak

WOAH ITS THE CUP BACKSTORY TIME; Besides the long periods of static and weirdly fuzzy childhood, Lup's biggest regret in her life? Well she didn't have anything really. She didn't put any of her skills to good use.. except once. She was performing her evocation magic for money and it got out of hand. She seriously injured an innocent person that resulted in their death. "Lup... that is your biggest regret. But it hasn't happened yet. If you claim me, we can go back and save that life. They would have never died. We can go back and save them."

thats the best i can do

Lup probably takes the longest to think this over because she cant handle the fact she murdered an innocent but Magnus's speak of "Tell me what happens if we dont do this" convinces her to stay

DONT KILL THE WORM YOU BITCHES, LISTEN TO JUNE

FREEDOM

Oh fuck its that red robe again - no we dont fucking trust you

"You don't... You don't trust me...?" He looks to Lup, and floats down to her level. Despite his occasional flattery and softness when he speaks to her, lowering himself and looking her in the eye pulls at something invisible in her heart. Something she hasn't felt in forever. "Lup...? You don't trust me?" "I don't even know you." The red robe whispers some more things and electricity flies off of him as he vanishes.

Hi Paloma oh a vision? "In your hour of greatest need, you will receive help from the forgotten one."

Ok back home - oh fuck IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER?

Lets fight? OK!

Lunar interlude

Date at the chug n squeeze? Wrong. Battle of the century. Almost.

Lup v Kravitz the two face off with Kravitz just trying to knock Lup out so he can safely transfer her into the astral plane without her dying

Lup, who doesnt think shes a lich, is just trying not to die.

They dont do this on the moon, they do this in neverwinter

IS THAT THE FUCKING RED ROBE?

As he saves you. As you're down you feel something phase through you as a red robe walks through your body and presents itself in front of Kravitz. He emits that same electricity off of his body and Kravitz looks baffled but only rifts a hole into the astral plane. "You're coming with me." As the battle is only beginning the red robe whispers to you, Lup; "Run."

PURCHASES THE RAGING FLAMING POISONING SWORD OF DOOM

Suffering game

Hey lucy, oh youre not fifty? Oh thats lowkey kind of fucked "Luckily as an elf i dont think i have to worry about that... sorry-"

Maggy where the fuck are you going

I feel like Lup would either follow magnus or magnus would defo ask Lup to help break out robi, so she does.

MAGNUS YOU FUCKING KILLED THEM-

Oh fuck get me out of here fighting these monsters

Lord artemis sterling and his bodyguards... cool.. ok

nvm lydia is hot

Ok this sucks

Lup gets the same sacrifices as Taako, so she takes the bad luck, shes fine with losing some life, hands? No Im not giving you my hand, fuck. MY APPEARENCE...? Yeah i dont care.

Chooses trust instead of forsake.

"Why should this person chose you?" "Uhh... Cause I'm hot as fuck." *applauds*

SAVES MAGNUS OFC - Oh is that the grim reaper? So Lup actually does try to save Kravitz cause lowkey she wants to be on good terms with him

Is that the red robe-

WE'RE TRUSTING HIM NOW????

her ghost looks ... weird.

Its nearly impossible to kill Edward, except when he's a lich. So. That's actually when Lup gets an idea. And she dies. Like full on explodes herself.

LICH LUP WOOOOOO

As soon as Lup is free from her body, her very very death and actually burning corpse. Everything hits her very slowly and soon all at once. So instead of killing edward immediately Lup instantly panics and starts to lose her cool... until "Lup?" She hears Barry's voice. It's not her anchor but it's enough to remind her of the situation at hand.

Lup destroys edward, so lydia destroys magnus's body

As Magnus sees Lup's liches form he isn't surprised, because he remembers when Lup sat down and told them all(?) about her and ... somebody's decision to become a lich... WAIT WHAT

Lup demands more answers from Barry and Magnus does the same, Barry is more sweet about it to Lup than Magnus

Merle is looking at Lup and Barry with upmost confusion and WHAT IS GOING ON????

To Barry's cave! Hey why is there two pods here

"So... I'm really glad actually, Lup, that you're here. And you're back... and as much as i wanna stop the end of the world to kiss you... We gotta move. We both saved what we could from our corporeal forms - mine is a bit more fresh but yours is back from the [starblaster]... so ... I actually don't know what you'll remember but youre gonna need it if we wanna get back on that moon base and confront Lucretia."

Merle can't hear anything and he is so confused, Magnus can understand this all and contiens demanding answers- before they both enter the tank, Magnus gets Lup's outfit while Merle pulls out deniem blue jeans AND WAIT BARRY AS IN BARRY BLUE JEANS?? beFORE THEY DO THIS

Lup looks to Barry and asks where Taako is. The name sounds familiar to Magnus, but his head is splitting in two before he can remember such a person. Barry can't bring himself to reply so he simply tells Lup he isn't sure but he doesn't have high hopes.

As they both go into their own tanks, Barry doesnt know anybody or anything. Lup steps out and she throws on her outfit and demands answers from magnus and merle of what happened after she died. "Am I a lich? Am I posessed? IS THAT BARRY?" And why is barry still so goddamn attractive?

Barry looks at Lup like shes the love of his life and actually starts being timid and nervous around her

Magnus tries explaining but once its all static the idea of another void fish comes to mind... PLANNING

BACK TO THE MOON BASE

heres the relic, magnus is dead, fuck you.

Oh hi angus, the truth? uhhhh i guess we can tell you oh is that zone of truth. dammit barry-

SECOND VOID FISH?

Oh my god........ my brother is dead. Taako is dead.

Hi Lucy, "I'm gonna fucking kill you now." But Barry holds Lup back as her fire wall is pathetic against her shield.

"I'm so sorry Lup but.. the pain was too unbearable. Taako.. Taako is gone. And he's not coming back."

Story and Song

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT-

As all hope seems lost after Lup remembers the other half of her heart, Barry and Lup are refusing to die because they cant be liches forever. They dont have anything to go back to-

She remembers Paloma's prophecy, and Istus's gift. It's a simple ritual - a simple spell and only thinking of her brother she casts it. And Lup almost loses it again when nothing happens.

It takes too much but Lucretia is the one who channels a spell to crush these beats in their own shield before she vanishes. ANd now we gotta do other shit yay

Lup and Barry and sent to find the ship but she can't bring herself to do so... "I... I know we're supposed to save the world and everything Barry but... but what's the point... without Taako here with us?"

Barry does what he can to comfort his fiance before he notices the sphere of black glass. "Listen.. do you remember in lucas's lab when we was going over everything?" "Ye.. yeah?" Barry takes a breath to elaborate but Lup cuts him off. "Barry you know transumtation isn't my school of magic." "I know but..." He points to the glave she's holding. "It's his."

And with that they feather fall down and give it a try.

While Barry begins to fight for his life - with the help of Lucas who joins them, Lup continuously tries and fails to open this portal. She slams her head against her own creation and curses Taako for not being here. How is she supposed to go on when Taako is gone? And she didn't even get to grieve? Or say goodbye? And why did Istus lie to her?

And then a rift in space opens. And there he is. Taako appears in his red robe without his hat or his weapon. Lup feels a hand on her shoulder suddenly as she hears her brother's voice say "Don't worry Lulu, I have magical powers." And when he touches his weapon to the sphere it's like an explosion goes off.

"Taako! Where'd you open that portal to?!" "The Astral Plane."

When Lup sees Kravitz (and he looks fucking awful.) behind him she suddenly flips out; "ARE YOU DATING THE GRIM REAPER?" "SHUT UP"

But it doesn't last long before Lup embraces Taako tightly.

TAAKO ONLY CAME BACK BECAUSE MEREL RECONNECTED WITH THE GODS BTW SO ISTUS COULDNT HOLD UP HER END OF THE DEAL UNTIL SHE WAS BACK-

OK SHIP TIME WE GET TOGETHER EVERYONE IS PISSED AT LUCRETIA BUT as theyre discussing the science behind it she suddenly offers, looking at the tres horny boys briefly that there is a third option. Thanks Paloma.

Taako stays on the plane to fight while Lup, sure she wont lose him again, kicks the hungers ass.

Epilogue, everything is pretty much the same because lup doesnt wanna run a school for magic and now that taako was apparently routing for lup in the astral plane the whole time shes off the hook

THE END YAYAYAYA

EDIT I KNOW I HAVE MORE WOOHOO:

Why does Taako die? Why does he care?

Well, Taako knew he couldn't just rely on a dance to cheer up Lup - so Taako decided he was going to do something good and destroy his sister's relic. Obviously he can resist the temptation but Cyrus Rockseeker does not. Taako blasts him with his glave(or clave or whatever) into the safe but ultimately dies.

We then we Taako wake up in the astral plane, behind the bars of the eternal stockade where a skeleton stands before him checking off a list. He says something in a cockney accent along the lines of "Finally, I've been lookin' for you."

"Crazy accent you go there Ghostrider, where am I?" "You're in the Astral Plane, Taako. Finally. You wouldn't happen to know where your others friends are? They're supposed to be locked up in here with you."

"... What-"

AND OVER THE TIME TAAKO SUCCESSFULLY FLIRTS AND SEDUCES KRAVITZ ESP POST CRYSTAL KINGDOM ARC AND THATS WHY THEYRE DATING NOW OK COOL-

[jetstarred]

yall im cooked <- guy who isnt cooked and just has a devestating crush on someone

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Third of december, i dont know if youre a conan gray fan at all, but im gonna blast "heather" all day (i just want to say, a personalized coraline doll??? Omg thats so cool, we really have so much in common. I love coraline)

Now to the questions:

When and how did you discover gvf?

What is your favorite holiday treat or meal? And do you like to cook those meals yourself?

What is your favorite christmas movie?

What are the most devestating pics or even edits of the boys in your opinion? (Im gonna be honest, maybe i just wanna see some devestating pics or edits of them myself😊)

A bit short today, but i cant use up all my ideas at once. Have a great day

-Secret santa🎅🎄

Hi again Santa! December is going by quickly no?

1. I first heard about Greta in March this year because I was watching Bad Omens edits on TikTok and there was one that had Greta song edited over them or something so I went on a little dive of their DIG shows on TikTok but didn’t think anything of it until for a few weeks TikTok kept showing me more and more Greta. Then on March 23rd I actually sat down and watched the Heat Above music video on YouTube and immediately text my husband ‘I found a new band to obsess over’… two Starcatcher shows and lots of new lovely friends later here I am!

2. I don’t have anything specific I like to cook all the time but my family makes me bake a snickerdoodle cheesecake every year. One of my friends is gluten intolerant and vegetarian so I really enjoy finding new recipes to try out that fit all of our wants/needs. This year we’ve been talking about doing a soup feast because I make a really good minestrone and my other friend makes a fuckin delicious butternut squash soup and we want to make a polish pickle soup!

3. My favorite Christmas movie has to be either Jim Carey in The Grinch cause that’s iconic… or The Nightmare Before Christmas (she’s versatile okay)

4. You are so real for this. I am still disturbed by what happened in the group chat the other day…

Please go easy on me or I fear I might fall in love with you 😭

I almost forgot! I’m not a huge Conan fan but my bestie is and she got me hooked on Heather 🫶

Happy Sunday everyone!

[istherewifiinhell]

(Knt posting) he's like well you guys don't treat me any different for being gay. [A whole 5 minutes of that]

Let me cook something quick (Fries up some chicken. Salutes onions. Simmering with boullion. AND there's what looks like. Potato and green bean/snap pea as a side. Where did that even come from)

[yioh]

i miss tsomd ...........

[foxymoxynoona]

which member do you think would be the LEAST compatible with you in a relationship and why?

for me… none of them would be compatible with me BUT yoongi lololol. because im fussy clumsy and can’t cook and he’s the only man with the patience of a saint who wouldn’t mind putting up with my ass AND being the cook of our household!!

You said least but then you answered most!!

Every answer I try to type for this makes me immediately apologica nd I delete it LOL. At first I thought Taehyung because we're both independent and stubborn in ways that might clash and lead to a really up and down compatibility (devestating). But then I thought Hobi because our aesthetics and interests are just in different spheres (devestating.)

I don't know, it makes me blushy to actually think about LOL I'll go back to making OCs. 🤣

[sasubaeuchithot]

you know that itachi cooks eggs for sasuke scene? if not its on youtube, i honestly think its one of the saddest quietly devestating scenes in anime. itachi trying, cooking hundreds of eggs, trying so hard, trying to care for sasuke whom he's broken so much. eyes twitching, bent over frying egg after egg, i read the comments and its like comedic gold but i cant help bawling whenever i watch it

I'll never forget the first time I watched it and itachi chased after the chicken and I screamed out loud "ITACHI THAT'S A ROOSTER" and then he ended up catching the rooster and somehow got an egg from it and then I couldn't breathe for the rest of the night

im so sorry you cried, i mean like I did too but from entirely different emotions

[samklein]

heyo loveliesss! im rachel & im v exciting to be bringing my Sad Boi™ to the dash. hit me up for plots if ya’d like ~

samuel klein. 33. owner of five by night (tw ahead: drug addiction)

born & raised in silverlake to a school teacher & a music entertainment lawyer

father left him & his mother when he was only thirteen with the revelation that he had another family up in the san fran area. left them devastated & is basically the root of all of sam’s abandonment issues. not too long after, in high school, he fell into a bad crowd and became addicted to drugs (pills, coke, later heroin became his drug of choice). he dropped out of school at sixteen.

this guy is a music PRODIGY. amazing pianist, decided he wanted to make it big and be a musician since he wasnt in school. problem was, he was super lazy and depressed and just didn’t give A Shit about anything, so he didnt try. his mother enabled him by always lending him money & all that even tho she knew about the drugs bc she was afraid of losing him like she did her husband :c 

a couple of years later when he was around 25, he met a woman who turned everything around for him. they were together for about six months before she found out just how bad his problem was, and convinced him to check into a rehab center. six months later, he comes out and POOF. shes gone, he’s devestated.

BUT. he decides he wants to make something of himself. goes to therapy, gets on antidepressants, decides the rockstar life isn’t for him and, instead, opens up Five By Night, a cafe-slash-karaoke bar. there he makes a ton of connections, new friends, and overall just has a real good time widdit. he’s happy, we stan.

and den....he relapsed five months ago because of a lot of things, mostly bc he was a dumbass and stopped going to therapy & taking his antidepressants. he’s trying to get it ‘under control’ but is failing miserably. he does his best to hide it but honestly the people who know him best can probably sense something is off. hes a rly good boi hes just rly dumb ok :C so thats where hes at.

FUN FACTS: bisexual af (low key into his bff @jharveys​ but shhh) | makes beatz | writes poetry | decent cook but cant do anything ~fancy~ | loves running to clear his head | does a lot of arts n crafts when hes bored | pretty soft spoken but very friendly, finds it difficult to open up to ppl | serious abandonment issues, so u better be in it to win it fam | loves doggies 

excited to get started! 

[couragechangecure2020]

Survived 1st Week of Self-Quarantine!

Hi All,

Welcome back to my page and Thank You so much for joining me again on my journey through Self-quarantine and the ability to get through this world crisis while I reside here in the Bay Area!

It’s 9:25 PM here in California on Saturday, March 21, 2020. 

Most of us Californians survived the first week of Shelter in place and a state wide mandatory Lockdown.

As my brother and I were coming back from a quick trip to town to get essentials and to check the mail at our local post office, We heard Gavin Newsom declare the lockdown.  I either text or called my mom quickly to see if she was watching the news.  By the time we arrived back home, the internet was flooding with streams of “CA in Lock Down”!

As I watched local and state officials speak on TV, I told myself “This is becoming very very chaotic”!

On Thursday morning, my family and I woke up not able to really go outside anymore.  My neighbors where I live and there kids were outside most of the day while their parents relaxed on lawn chairs (drinking who knows what), and allowed there children and their children’s friends to play together.

I just want to put it out there for anyone who is not necessarily taking this virus and outbreak, Seriously. Some that I know, including healthcare providers are explaining to others that this virus is *Just a cold/flu*!  It isnt. And it is spreading faster than we all can imagine. 

My friends, family and I are doing everything we can to avoid contact and unnecesary exposure of any kind. Avoiding hospital trips, going to retail stores and other places we dont need to at right now.

Since being a patient with a chronic illness, I am connected with many medical providers in and out of the hospital walls.  I hear from reports of clinicians that now is one of the most chaotic times in clinic.

I am spending my time each day, at home, Cooking, cleaning, and keeping in touch with people who mean the world to me.

Since my purchase of antibacterial wipes, I have chosen to disenfect each package from the mail I recieve in hopes it will less and eliminate any potential contact of the virus.

As I sit here and think about the days ahead for all of us, I am currently texting my extended family from different parts of the USA. Asking them how theyre doing, and even trying to understand how inundated my closest relatives who are on the front lines are doing. 

Life, now, has changed dramatically for me, you and everyone around us.  I think in some way, or another we are coming together in solidarity. 

One cannot get through a regular day anymore without the fears of contracting COVID-19.  I myself, am scared.  Im scared for my friends, family, doctors and nurses i know and even my family pets.  I dont want this virus to spread any more and if it does take the life of one of my friends or loved ones, or even myself, I will be Beyond-DEVESTATED!

COVID-19 all began because of pangolins.  I cant even imagine why and how an animal from another country could spread such a devestating virus across the globe and kill innocent people who want to live. 

But I DO Know...We WILL find a CURE.  If its an immunization, prescription pill, nasal spray like in the movie contagion we WILL find one! And I pray that it is soon.

Until then, the members of my household and myself continue to stay home and self-quarantine to avoid potential exposure and contact with COVID-19!

Best,

Kimberly

[shadzennjakereak]

Thoughts of a vulnerable man and well, it’s my life story. Kinda

~~So to lead this off, this was a mostly comprised as a message I would send to my closest friend. But well, for archival purposes I wanted to leave this here on my dead af Tumblr account because, well that is what I use it for afterwards. So if some things read somewhat oddly, it is probably due to it being written as a letter in sorts for someone.~~

------ Well... hm.... I'll hit on the major things kinda like I have when I have done therapy in the past. So uh... when shad was a young boy, roughly around 10, I was at a mom's side family Christmas party and me and my female cousin of the same age, Erin, was playing around. Another cousin of mine, whos name I forget, was roughly 15 years old brought us to the basement and pretty much tried to make us fuck. So yes, I was partially molested as a child, LUCKILY my young brain kinda knew this was not normal and grabbed my brother, while im fully naked, and well he got involved and stopped it. However the entire family outside of the immediate, sided with my older cousin and well my family got cut out of my mother's side. As for Father's side, well they are all in Maryland so I have never met them.

Now fast forward a few years, im a shy kid whatever nothing much happens. We get into Highschool where I have my friend group and this one girl I'm hard crushing on who so happens to be my closest friend. Her name was Micky, very weird girl, always cosplaying and well... Everyone assumed we were dating because well even at school we were always like cuddling and shit, HOWEVER we never did. She pretty much had a sugar daddy the entire time and the one time I knew in Senior year that she was single, I asked her out and well, was rejected and pretty from there we stopped interacting. So I not only lost my closest friend, but also well felt the pain of rejection of the one who I was in love with.

Now suddenly in highschool I'm desperate to get laid after getting rejected and well, turn to craigslist, find a milf who takes my virginity, cool. While that was very vanilla it was a fun learning experience. I did know my baseline kinks at this point. I kinda immediatly learned all that early into my life. Highschool was easy going more or less. I had great grades without trying much and looked decent, despite only having a singular relationship, back in 8th grade, at this point so I kinda never had that confidence in me. Hm... well highschool passes and I reject a couple small scholarships for wrestling because I'm an idiot. I enroll into Eastern Michigan University.

This would be my first time away from home pretty much ever and adulting for myself. It went terribly. This is what broke me and has been the root of my mental issues. I went to some classes, did fine, but this mother fucking Friday 2-d art class was from 8am - 6pm. I was going for a computer graphics animation degree which I absolutely love to this day, but well I despise drawing and that was all this class was. I hated it so much and couldn't even wake up for it that I stopped going. I got scared of how my parents would react and hid this information until the very end of the semester where they found out. I failed that class and another due to attendance (despite having an A in the class itself).

I agreed with my parents to retake those two courses. I did, but immediatly into I fell back into the slump. I was alone again, only person close to me was Dra, my roommate. My friends from highschool never contacted me, and I ignored family. I was utterly alone so I decided to attempt to take my life. Due to a miracle Dra was there and prevented this. So I lived. However as the year went on I grew scared and frightful of going home, so I ran. I decided to work at Cedar Point which is in Ohio and has on-boarding rooms. So I went there without telling my parents why.

Eventually my father would gank me at Cedar Point and I told him everything that happened. He was just disapointed, but happy to at least talk to me again for the first time in honestly 1.5years. While I was working there I made close friends, as Dra also worked here and I met others. I at least started to feel some happiness again since leaving highschool. I had one relationship with  a girl while working there. It kinda ended due to her not accepting my kinks when I told her. I also had another girl who was interested in me, but she refused to date me because she didn't want to do Long Distance once we stopped working at Cedar Point for the season. Well, Cedar Point closed at the end of October for the 2016 season. I had to go back home.

I go back home with my family and just bum there. I am not looking for a job or looking to go back to class. I was only playing games, eating, and sleeping. Eventually my father got sick of my shit and got me a temp job at his workplace at the end of December of that year. I worked there for a month helping reorganize files for the Human Resources department to help them with their acquistion of another company. At the end of January 2017, they offered me a full-time job as a Human Resources Intern. I had no interest... but my father convinced me to take the job as a way to get paid schooling down the line. So I accepted.

Throughtout the year I do what I can, but my emotional state is all sorts of fucked. I am working a 8-5 job that is an hour away. I am not a morning person as you know. I wake up around 6am every day for this job and well, my body cant handle it. I got into a major car accident on my way home from work one day. I luckily had no injuries nor the person I hit, but my car got totalled. I continue working. I do what I can, but one of the woman I worked under hated my work. She was always critiquing me, giving me bs tasks to do, and just never really letting me feel like I do decent work, and never teaching me anything. I had no prior experience or education for this job for christs' sake! She wares down on my mental regularly.

It wasn't much better at home. My mother constantly is yelling at me to lose weight, that I look like shit, I need to take care of myself, I need to go back to school. She never complimented me. So my own Mother and this woman at work were 2 devils in my ears that broke me down more and more everyday with nowhere safe to hide. It destroyed me. However Acri comes along and says "Hi, here's Kelsey" around July of 2017. This was my first real girlfriend. Things were happy and great at first. She helped me with my mental and so on. However you know how her story arc goes.

Now back at work, it was October 2016. I get into another car accident after falling asleep while driving into work. I was right outside of the office when this happened, so everyone there knew this was happening. I get this taken care of with the police and the report. I go into my dad's office to avoid people as he offered to, and would let me file the insurance stuff. But, the woman who berated me regulary came knocking on the office door and saying "Hello? You ever going to come to your desk and actually do work today?" This is when I break... I shut the door on her and text my dad to come back asap. I tell him what happened and he agrees to fire me for unemployment benefits. I am unemployed yet again.

I go for most of October and November jobless. I eventually pick a job up at Panera Bread in December of 2017. I am still dating Kelsey, and we have met IRL a few times now. She despises my family due to a few stupid disputes. She refuses to hear rhyme or reason and just hates them without compromise. However working at Panera was nice. I met a lot of people there and was working evening shifts, so I had a regular sleep schedule that wouldn't cause driving accidents. While working there I need to leave home, my mother is still berating me and tearing me apart at home. I start looking into an apartment, and while doing so, Kelsey insists she needs to leave her home state of Pennsylvania. I feel like we are ready to move in together thinking things were okay. I settled on in apartment in June 2018.

After taking a week off, I move into the aprtment myself with my parents help, and Kelsey shortly after. My parents and kelsey had a major argument at this point. My parents insisted on having the apartment key to tidy up things while I spent the weekend driving to PA to move Kelsey's shit, and Kelsey despised this idea as anything my parents did was evil in her eyes. So they argued and argued. My mom also eventually would find my sex toy in my room back home and we had a major argument about those. She would call me the Devil's child and we never would really be on "friendly" terms again.

Well after moving Kelsey into my new apartment, I realize the mistake I made. She is useless as a human being. She does nothing to help around the apartment. I am working full time and the only one capable of driving. Kelsey would sit home and do nothing but eat and game. She did no chores, and if I asked her to, she would yell at me. We had no sex life either. She strung me along making me act like a father, driving her where she needed to go, buying her groceries, doing chores at home. I sacrificed everything and would never recieve anything in return. She eventually would break up with my at the start of February 2019. I was destroyed, but this was thankfully something that had to happen. While I was destroyed and heavily suicidal again, I eventually recovered and started going to therapy. Also mind you Kelsey was blaming me for things, she was saying how I needed to get better, how I was the lazy one, how I didn't do enough to make her happy.

So after about 2 weeks of devestation, I start recovering thanks to Acri and Nevan. They help me through this time, but I am however still stuck living with Kelsey for about 4 more months. She already has a new boyfriend. That, is oddly suspicious, but fine whatever. I play nice, I keep being Kelsey's father but I refuse to do any more cooking for her. She at the very least must feed herself. She starts to claim I'm abusing her and enjoy watching her suffer. March of 2019 she decides to have her new boyfriend visit. I am so against this and tell them to get a hotel room. Kelsey says they cant for a whole week, which was how long he was staying. We compromise on them having a hotel for the initial weekend, then they sleep on the couch of the apartment for the rest of the duration. Well this happens and I mostly just ignore them during this shit. Her new boyfriend, who was named in discord as, Dragon Daddy, finally leaves.

The following month Kelsey goes out to visit him, I finally have a week away from Kelsey. I feel great and so on. She eventually comes back, we get into more arguments on the regular. She eventually disappears randomly at the start of June 2019. The last month of the apartment. She is gone without saying anything and barely taking anything of hers. She doesn't respond to me for a days. I'm somewhat concerened but fine whatever. She eventually says she is gone and not coming back. She left her shit here though. Near the start of July I come back home from work. The apartment is TRASHED, about 50% of her stuff is gone. I guess she came by and took it without a word. She doesn't respond to messages. I move out in July and into a new apartment the following month.

Kelsey reaches out again and is asking to get the security deposit for our apartment, which I personally fully paid for. I tell her no and she has no claim to it. We argue about it until I block her because I refuse to deal with it. We packed the things she left at my apartment into boxes and send her a message that says she has one month to give us a shipping address or else it is all going into the trash. She responds with "Never contact me again, I refuse to talk to Jacob due to his abuse of me." I have not heard from her since.

And now we move onto the new stuff. I did start a new job in November of 2018 at Potbelly. It was nicer than Panera due to a lighter work load. And my life is starting to go up. I was recieving therapy which helped and eventually had to stop due to insurance not allowing more sessions. But I'm on an up trend. Things are going well, 13Noobz roster was going well until that exploded, so we talked and decided to find Lost Collective. It has its issues, but I am proud of it. And Due to LCST I have made wonderful new friends, and well of course Tay, being the best. I honestly do love you, and I'm happy to have met you and hope Acri makes you happy, as you deserve it. And of course everyone that has joined my Discord has been wonderful, and due to living with Brian, me and him have rekindled our brotherly bonds.

Of course I'm not perfect, especially mentally and physically. I don't look great, I still have depression, which definetly spikes up in Winter (seasonal depression). But, well, for now at the very least I can say I'm content with my life. I have friends who actually care about me for the first time, well ever. Acri has also recently come back into my life majorly which is nice. So I have my solid foundation of Nevan, Tay, and Acri. The 3 people closest to me. And of course I love interacting with the others. I just, well am not use to this. I haven't had friends since highschool, and definetly not ones who are as close to me as I am close to them. It's nice to have my own love and affection for my friends be returned in full.

[insightfulresonation-blog]

Selfish and careless

Her mind never grasped heed

For there was never a consequence,

To her it was purely an act of greed.

Yet you see her love grasps on tight for he will remain her only one.

Nontheless fixated upon the man she declared to be the holy one,

To whom she indebts her soul and grace,

She pleaded with guilt,

Calling forth upon certian refutation,

An undeniable devestation,

Though she insisted upon exculpation,

The judgement of this psychotic wench

was truly desparation.

While It makes no matter she will divulge the secret of each destination

With this, sweet torture will prevail,

Emphasizing that her mind was beaten and overthrown by a writhing soul crushing monster that only remains as the result of feeding upon a self destructive excursion,

A familiar scent rendering that such suspicions shall delegate impending doom to all,

Regardless of the damage induced by her own lust to condemn her soul and all,

There truly was no way to deflect certian misery in the victim nor the miscreant.

This happening simply is with no justification,

Lay the blame how it unfolds,

Proceed to the alligation.

The resolve we all shelter,

Proves as an insufficient valley of promise,

Lacking a cheerful song to set forth to the sky,

A couple to kiss in a car in the sky.

The carrots have already been cooked,

Nonresistent this self multilation,

Continues to accentuate a tear among this relation.

Two hearts strongly devoted,

Neither desires of concieving the knowledge or to be absent of one while the other still remains,

Together they unite as one,

As one they will become a pair,

To muddle through this devastating pain.

In Hope's to someday share comfort in the rain.

She desires that reflection to be adequate somehow,

But in the end neither he nor she will ever wholly dismiss this callous,

Its here to stay as admontation of our near miss, though narrow escape.

My heart is yours I beg your pardon Please do not hold your spite,

My heart is yours to with what you please,

I wont argue I am on my knees,

My heart deserves a little batter and abuse,

But please my love stick this through,

Lay on me all that I have proved to merit,

I will take in stride whatever advocates your idea of equality and reparation.

I just want your all and nothing more,

I promise not anyone shall speak again of this whore,

I will now say nothing less,

I will not say anything more.

Please my love I've made a great blunder,

But im begging just look and see,

In every walk of life you choose there is an open door,

Theres just is no other way you see,

Every door is somewhat open,

When minds experience explosion.

#explosions #selfish #careless #cheating #selfhate #defeat #thorns #selfsabotage #democraticdiseasestate #denial #poems #addictions #relayionships #expreaaion #her #thorns

[kidsviral-blog]

Overnight Celebrity tweets – 17 March 2012

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/overnight-celebrity-tweets-17-march-2012/

Overnight Celebrity tweets – 17 March 2012

http://twitter.com/#!/Ludacris/status/180857330601168896

Iz bare cook up in hey gyal http://t.co/MPmKOTvP

— Rihanna (@rihanna) March 17, 2012

“@AliEWentworth: Am I too old for a neon pink scooter?”Hells no!

— Debra Messing (@DebraMessing) March 17, 2012

Getting shite from a Tottenham Wanker! Got a bet da "POOL" finishes higher!! http://t.co/pQAqP6Ph

— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) March 17, 2012

Heres a pic today with me and the incredible kids from @EasterSealSoCal what a humbling and beautiful experience. pic.twitter.com/ZkfAnMMt

— Avril Lavigne (@AvrilLavigne) March 17, 2012

"@mynameisjm: Tonight, I'm gonna leave it all on this stage!"I so wish I was there JM!

— Katee Sackhoff (@kateesackhoff) March 17, 2012

Love Ireland! 🙂 Hope to visit one day… RT @Drpolom: @JeriLRyan we all crazy4 u in Ireland! from 1green 2another 🙂

— Jeri Ryan (@JeriLRyan) March 17, 2012

I always loved this pic!!!! pic.twitter.com/lUcdjMQE

— Mary J. Blige (@maryjblige) March 17, 2012

The gang & I watched the 1933 Busby Berkeley musical "42nd Street" tonight. Now my girls & I are ordering a late snack.

— Hugh Hefner (@hughhefner) March 17, 2012

Hey WEST COAST @e_FashionPolice starts in less the 45mins you better tune @10pm!

— Kelly Osbourne (@KellyOsbourne) March 17, 2012

“@shaugland: Saw @WilliamShatner tonight in Chicago. Loved it. Long live the dramatic pause!” What she said! MBB

— William Shatner (@WilliamShatner) March 17, 2012

Yep: http://t.co/QQq4L7ms – Btw, I'm editing ep #4… RT @kmonarq7: @kevinpollak is there an RSS feed link for Talkin' Walken?

— Kevin Pollak (@kevinpollak) March 17, 2012

I'm devestated. @rosie cancelled? It was amazing and found its voice!! I love her and it and ugh.

— Kristin Chenoweth (@KChenoweth) March 17, 2012

“@hawkswim57: @TomKro @alecbaldwin Catholic? U can't just pick & choose which parts are acceptable then give it a new name”I think I will

— ABFoundation (@ABFalecbaldwin) March 17, 2012

I had to call @ClayAiken about a goofy project idea today. I had a blast talking to him. He's like an old high school buddy or something.

— Penn Jillette (@pennjillette) March 17, 2012

Here is a great link to purchase tickets to come and see me in the Hit Musical "Chicago" this April on… http://t.co/RuEy3qp7

— Christie Brinkley (@seabrinkley) March 17, 2012

Happy Birthday @Whittles2! Love you so much! Love Paris xoxo

— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) March 17, 2012

Love @TheViewTv Staff for being Team Sherri #DWTS http://t.co/AKax8I4X

— Sherri Shepherd (@SherriEShepherd) March 17, 2012

Good night all! Turn off the lights and clean up when you leave.

— Wayne Brady (@waynebrady) March 17, 2012

Done packing! Absolutely exhausted… Long week. Long month actually.. I can taste the margarita now. Might have one for b-fast just cuz..

— Mario Lopez (@MarioLopezExtra) March 17, 2012

Photoset: The Secret Garden is one of my favorite stories and was also one of my favorite films as a child…. http://t.co/E75K52cl

— Michelle Branch (@michellebranch) March 17, 2012

My church pal texted me from @WonderCon premiere of film #SupermanVsTheElite where I voice Lois Lane Everyone LOVED it! Yay!

— Pauley Perrette (@PauleyP) March 17, 2012

https://twitter.com/#!/DENISE_RICHARDS/status/180896344712560642

Leprechaun! pic.twitter.com/lPN5lTwC

— Michael Weatherly (@M_Weatherly) March 17, 2012

'Cuz Im dreamin of u 2night. Til tomorrow, Ill be holding u tight. And theres no where in the world Id rather be…'<3

— Jordin Sparks (@JordinSparks) March 17, 2012

Having a fun Girls Night In at my house cooking food and watching movies with @NickyHilton & @FarrahBritt. 🙂

— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) March 17, 2012

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/03/17/overnight-celebrity-tweets-17-march-2012/