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#im definitely making a big deal out if this
awakenthebeing · 1 year
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Don’t let piepoe and Bruno from biggrumbus.tumblr hug! The love and support these two contain will be so great it’ll be an equivalent to an atom splitting in a bomb!
Hug will not happen since I don't want anything to explode... so for now they both can simply be curious about each other!!
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aroaessidhe · 3 months
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Jinn-Bot of Shantiport
set in a cyberpunk Calcutta-inspired city, loosely inspired by Aladdin
chaotic monkey bot who wants to fight in underground mecha/bot tournaments and leave to become a space hero
his human sister, the daughter of failed revolutionaries who has been working her whole life to free their city from oppression and inequality, especially with the recent rumors that their planet is scheduled for destruction
and an old unearthed bot whose function is to observe & record the story of a client who meets the siblings and quickly becomes involved in their lives
and a treasure hunt to find an old and powerful piece of alien tech that has the power to radically change their city
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I feel like actually shit like the entirety of last week getting to me. I wish I could have a moment of actual relaxation and not just me forgetting I have shit to do.
(Tag warning-> depressing talk, dark topics)
Might delete this idk..
#vent post#tag rambles#I have over 60 different things to fill out that I need to do by tomorrow and I forgot to do them. I feel so stupid#I actually hate having adhd#people try to make it out to be just a quirky thing that its not that big of a deal or anything#but it's not#it impairs on relationships#I struggle to remember important things that I need to do and even WANT to do. I struggle so bad#I even have fights with people about me being a “liar” even though I'm not#I just have a shit ass memory I feel useless 90% of the time and shit#gods and I doubt it's just me having adhd. Im pretty sure its my possibility of having bpd and autism#i show all symptoms of bpd and I relate far too much with autism videos#like this is stuff active in my daily life#people don't see it often due to have carefully Ive crafted.. this is going to sound a bit fannibal of me but literally a person suit#i swear a person suit#it's not even funny#gods i just wish I could function without getting all up and arms about how much of a pos I feel#if I don't get attention from.. basically.. my fp I get all sad and melancholy. i spiral#I'm pretty sure I have at least three fps#if I even have bpd#but gods#just so stupid how I can barely fucking function without all of these crutches#I'm not in a certian program anymore for a thing and now I can't fuction and work how I use to since it was a slower environment#I'm failing#like I won't be able to make it I feel like#not suicide or anything#just in things I wanted to do#feels like my future is doomed cause life keeps throwing curve balls at me#someone with at least two mental disabilities#i definitely have more
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Guys I need you to know about my weird ass dream:
Bart and Wally were hanging out. Everything was a pinkish-purple and slightly distorted, like I was watching them through a wall of rock candy.
Wally leaned over to Bart and said "I like men, I think. I'm bi. I always have been, I've just never said it out loud. It changes nothing in my life and it changes nothing about me but I think it's good to be myself. It's good to be honest about myself."
Now at this point I was shocked. Elated but completely bamboozled. I wasn't aware that this was a dream so I was F R E A K I N G out. I remember thinking "Holy shit, did DC just say that Wally is bi??? And have it just be a casual thing that changes nothing??? Without it disrupting his relationship with his wife or family?!?!"
My mind was running wild, which is why it took me a few minutes to process when Bart said "Oh cool. Me too."
Guys.
People.
I was ready to explode.
Then the pinkish-purple crystal wall they were in changed from sorta bi colors to just straight up the bi flag.
Which was weird because neither one had acknowledged the strange setting before this but suddenly Bart seemed to notice and he was incredibly confused.
Wally laughed. Like a cartoony villain laugh. And said "I knew it!"
Then he turned into Mirror Master.
I was sent reeling as I realized a) Goddammit, Wally isn't canonically bi, that was just Mirror Master apparently b) Oh holy, shit they've been inside a crystal/crystal dimension this entire time and c) Mirror Master's evil plan was apparently tricking Bart into coming out??
Anyway, I woke up after that but... what.
What the fuck.
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nintendont2502 · 19 days
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do u reckon dave can at least float?
honestly i dont think he can - he tries! he definitely does! but its like when you try to get a little kid to float on their back and they just *cant* keep their legs up, so they just end up getting dragged underwater unless you're actively holding them up and then he gets all embarrassed and pretends hes doing it on purpose because who needs this lame ass baby skill anyway fuck all of you
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If i had to pick (and lbr you do) between either roman or tomgreg being canonically gay and explored in the series id pick roman 100%. Tomgreg going canon would set gay rights back by like 40 years
#like its still a big tv show they can only have one gay person on it#succ#i think tomgreg will always be reaching new insane heights of whatever the fucknis wrong with them#but roman. roman.#the gerri thing was completely a mommy issues deal#roman ‘for reasons of … we dont know why i cant pee next to other men’ roy#i enjoy watching his torment and quite frankly i cant think of anything that would turn him inside out with misery#quite like the slow tortuous realization that everything his father is disgusted by in him#are the things that make him feel happy and at peace and loved#i hope his interactions with mattson are confusing and scary and addicting and he keeps going back#mencken works too but im sorry that more boring.2 me. ohhh hes into it bc facism bad but he likes when thing bad we get it.#thats the same thing hes been doing tho#now imagine: rome but hes in a relationship with someone whos a little fascinated by him#this dettached deadeyed weirdo who doesnt roll his eyes when he speaks#and instead seems to listen to every word and remember what he says#and who maybe. just maybe. even cares about him#like mattson would definitely treat him like a bug under glass but roman ‘dog cage and chocolatte cake’ roy#would easily mistake that for love#idk not articulating it well. might write a fic abt it. we’ll see#tomgreg canon truthers btw no hate i lov the ship sorry if this shows up in the tag#but theyre definitely going to be in weird limbo forever & ever#i think at best tomgreg will become canon? (audible question mark)#i think they could fuck nasty and weird on screen and tom would start gaslighting greg into thinking it didnt happen#because nothing like. nice or good happens in the show its about misery#i want tomgreg to stay on ao3 so i can read abt tom healing after leaving waystar#anyways!#chatter
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zemnarihah · 28 days
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i think one of the worst feelings in the world is having uncertainty about your living situation it is literally so stressful and there's like... not much i can do right now...
#so k is still planning on moving and may be leaving the 16th of may. but doesn't know for sure. but apparently the apartment she wants says#she has to notify our apartment now that she will be leaving which means we both have to sign something that says she's leaving and i'm#taking responsibility for the lease.... and she doesn't know that she has it yet so she doesn't have someone to move in and take her spot.#i'm trying to get my friends to move in but idk if they will probably not. regardless if k leaves and we don't have anyone then i like#legally have to pay the full rent. i don't think she would leave me hanging like that but also i feel so uncomfortable betting my whole#financial situation on that because i would LITERALLY get evicted. like i cannot afford that under any circumstances. sooo.#and on top of that i'm still so scared that i'll end up with a roommate i don't like. ik that's like not even that big of an issue like i've#had that before and i'll survive but i don't want to have to deal with that like ik im being a baby but i just feel so scared about the#whole thing#like i kind of want to say no to signing the thing but that would screw kate over and definitely blow up our friendship but i really don't#feel like our friendship is in a place where i feel like i can trust her with like. my whole entire bank account and credit score. bc like.#that's what's at risk.#idk i'm gonna talk to her about it and just make sure that there's no other way and make sure that she promises to pay her part of the rent#until someone takes it over. and also probably talk to my parents and see if they're willing to bail me out if she DOES fuck me over... i'm#99.99999% sure she won't but. idkkkk my brain is just nagging me abt that one little chance...
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mrfoox · 1 year
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The fact I refuse to confront/inform the people who have basically ruined my mental state and my ability to function bc that would make them feel bad is honestly bonkers
#miranda talking shit#I cant say id be having a good and normal life if i wasnt abused as a young child but im 90% sure I'd not have this must trouble#Id still have my autistic and add problems but my anxiety and depression would definitely be a lot better#Its... Insane. That my older brothers probably have no idea how much they have actually ruined my life/mental state from such an earlh age#As 4 yrs old... Hell they might not even remember it or even think it was a 'big deal'. I know my second oldest brother probably falls into#The latter. I know now that they both most likely have undiagnosed adhd/autism and they used me as a way to act out/feel better#But being told youre stupid. Fat. Ugly. Useless from the age of 4 like... I cant stress how much it have ruined my self image#Ive tried to build confidence in myself and love myself since my teens and i can barely say im 'avarge' without doubting it#Like they also hit me but that's nothing compared to the mental torture i had to go through on an almost daily basis#Funniest thing is that bc it happened/started when i was so young i didnt think it was... Bad or weird or abnormal.#I started crying when my parents told me to go tell my brothers it was dinner time. I was terrified of knocking on their doors#I still to this day 20 years later am still incredibly uncomfortable and anxious talking with them and i havent been able to make much of#An relationship with them bc of it. Im scared to say anything to them even if its simple shit. And men/boys in general ive thus been#Terrified of since i was young. Once again i thought it was normal to mistrust and be scared of men until i was in my teens#I wish i could hate them i wish i could be angry i wish i had someone to blame#But no my brain is too nice and give excuses to them. Their actions are excused. They have ruined me mentally but thats not their fault#Fuck that might be true but they were still 6 and 11 years older than me. I didnt have a chance to protect myself in any way#I wish someone saw i wasnt okay. I wish someone understood that i wasnt well. I wish someone saw me.#Negative#Abuse
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mx-misty-eyed · 2 years
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i am so confused
#don’t rb#so like. there’s definitely something wrong with my brain#or multiple things most likely#and i’m trying to figure out what specifically it is#but it’s hard bc i’m kinda hesitant to self diagnose#all for informed self diagnosis ofc but im just doubting myself/have an internalized/irrational fear that i’m faking everything#especially since my therapist keeps diminishing stuff that i tell her#and i asked her to do a screening for ocd and she never did and idk if she forgot or she just didn’t believe me/think it was a big enough#deal where it’s worth getting tested or whatever#and also with the self diagnosis a lot of the stuff that i’m wondering whether or not i have has overlapping symptoms with other stuff#so idk how to differentiate/figure out what it actually is#like i’m fairly sure i have ocd depression and adhd#and prob anxiety too#(apparently it’s not normal to have a set of words that you repeat over and over in your head to calm yourself down)#but also it’s possible some of the stuff i’m experiencing is a sign of bpd and/or bipolar (more likely bpd i think but it could be bipolar)#and also i’m thinking it might be possible i have osdd? either 1a or 1b i’m not really sure#like i feel like i have kinda different personalities for school and home and stuff like that#but idk if that’s just a normal thing where you act differently around different people#<- like obv that’s a thing a lot of ppl experience i think but idk if the extent to which i’m experiencing it would make it osdd#but also idk? it’s possible i have osdd-1b#idk how likely any of this is but#like idk how to describe it#but i think the description sounds mildly accurate at least#like i def don’t have amnesia#and idk#like it’s possible that it’s different system members but#i also don’t know if that’s a thing that’s up for debate?#like if it was then i feel like it would be more apparent#that there’s different system members and stuff#rest of the tags got fucked up check replies
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mejomonster · 2 years
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I'm reading Three Body Problem, and shocked I saw reviews that it had no plot/meaning and was all just science concepts. I mean, who knows, maybe it gets pointless later. But dang the opening is about how suddenly science teachers die based on what they call their materials, die based on if science fits the politically popular take, which I feel like most countries in the world can sure relate to.
The main characters thus far are people who just seem to be curious of the truth of nature, of whats good for the planet (and humanity perhaps as a whole versus tragedy), in a world where what is appropriate to say out loud without dying can change. Even if it's about science, just how physics works. (But then, from long ago to now scientists were in trouble for stating earth may revolve around the sun, ectopic pregnancy may kill the person, etc). I just. This novel certainly is opening with a Point and I'm not sure how that could get missed...
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Also its written lovely.
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spacedykez · 2 years
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#the otter ventposts#tw dysphoria#tw dysmorphia#i don't know the difference and can't be bothered to google it#vent in readmore#seriously do not feel obligated to read i just need to get it out#i wanna cry im going to cry i hate my chest so much i hate that i have to deal with my body despite the fact i'll never use it i dont want-#-this consant assumption that i'll have kids one day anyways but i just hate my chest its so fucking big and uncomfortable and bras never-#-fucking make it GO AWAY they dont hold it in place and then i get fucking reminded of it every time i take a STEP and i can't ignore it-#-because it just gets worse and worse and weighs in the back of my mind and now i can't do Anything because i'm just fucking THINKING-#-about it and ive never felt more sure im not faking something in my Life because it's a physical feeling of Dread and Hate and FUCK i-#-hate them so much. i dont want to see them i dont want to deal with them i dont want the weight on my chest i dont want the fucking-#-FEELINGS and theres no way to solve it why cant i just have a small chest at least why do i have to have these stupid fucking things-#-and i'm pretty sure it's just body dysmorphia but i don't have it for any other part of my body Ever and definitely never in this amount-#-i don't know maybe im demigender or something i dont fucking know i cant figure it out its fucking exhausting nothing feels right and-#-i know she/her doesn't Feel fully right but then i keep thinking no im just trying to be like everyone else and i dont think i am because-#-i dont fucking Want this confusion and hate and everything but i dont know. feminine doesn't feel wrong but Female and Woman and Girl-#-don't feel right either. and she/her doesn't feel Wrong like i'm not upset by it irl at all so. fuck. sorry. i just wish i could figure-#-it out. and i wish i didnt have this stupid chest. yeag.
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silhouettecrow · 6 months
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 300
Adjective: Eviscerated
Noun: Phantasm
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Eviscerated: (of a person or animal) disemboweled; depriving (something) of its essential content; (surgery) to remove the contents of (a body organ)
Phantasm: (literary) a figment of the imagination, or an illusion or apparition; (archaic) an illusory likeness of something
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purbiworl · 11 months
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Wait, has dad been they/them-ing me beyond just that once???
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venusbby · 1 year
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post it, or don't ♡
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characters/pairings: itoshi rin x reader
warnings: one cuss word lol, not proofread sorry if there's any typos!!! have a good day people.
✿ summary: your tired boyfriend is not a big fan of your spam account being filled with his overly cute photos.
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"stop that—"
"stop what?"
"you're taking pictures of me."
"im not, rinnie."
you definitely were.
how could you not take pictures of him when he's sprawled out on top of you like a house cat?
although he was trying his best not to put all of his weight on you, it was impossible to control himself. especially when his body was quite sore from his new workout routine.
rin was unusually clingy today, his exhaustion was responsible for that. initially, all he needed was to lie down on the bed and let his muscles rest against the mattress— but then he realised you were already there, scrolling through your social media.
he just couldn't say no when you opened your arms and called out to him with that soft voice of yours, and he had already started to dream of the satisfying feeling of your hands running through his hair by that time.
and that's how he ended up with his face nestled in your neck and his legs tangled with yours, much to your enjoyment and his instant regret when you clicked on the camera icon and watched the mess of the dark green hair that tickled your cheek.
he didn't realise anything at first because his eyes were closed and he was actually considering falling asleep right then and there. however, the clicking sound of your phone was enough to make him groan and hide his face further.
but your laugh was so soft yet contagious, right next to his ear, and he was holding onto that one string of hope that you wouldn't record a video of his immediate complaints.
"babyyy, say hi!" you said while doing the exact thing he didn't want you to do— recording a video. it was so fun to get on his nerves sometimes.
all he could do was give the side of your bare hips a light squeeze as he tried his best to speak quietly so the video wouldn't pick up what he was saying. "you make me fucking miserable."
your cheeks hurt from how hard you smiled. "alright, okay. i've got my pictures, im satisfied. i'll leave you alone now."
rin slowly peeked up when you placed your phone on the bedside table and shot a glare as you looked down at him. "you're not posting that. i'm tired of seeing my face on my own feed."
"yeah! totally not posting that."
"y/n." it's become a daily thing for him to use your name in that warning tone. "not even the paparazzi post as many pictures of me as you do."
you rolled your eyes. "it's because i'm your biggest fan. just one?"
"no."
"rinnie, pretty please. you just look so cute. gosh, you look even cuter right now." you tried to soften his edges a bit, feeling your chest implode with love because God, your boyfriend was so effortlessly cute. especially when his tired eyes were covered with his dark strands.
all you got in return was a grunt and rin was back to burying his face in the crook of your neck. he really didn't have the energy to deal with your weird ways of convincing. he just needed sleep, and you— he had both of his favourite things now.
you knew he granted you permission once he stopped, or more like gave up, and thanked him softly.
rin hummed as your hands ran over his neck and shoulders and lightly pressed his stiff muscles. a massage to top it all off, your boyfriend was quite literally seeing stars.
"squeeze harder," he mumbled, exhaling slowly when you did as he told you to.
"so, you've been working out."
he didn't respond, waiting for you to say something more related to that as you pondered while pressing your thumb into his skin to ease out the tension.
"don't i deserve a photo or two?" you proposed, a shameless grin on your face when you heard your lover make another noise in annoyance.
"maybe if you don't post that video," rin said, planting a quick kiss against your warm neck as he continued, knowing he had found a good solution. "i'll send you some."
and a few days later, you realised that it was a pretty good deal.
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fjskfjskfndmcndkv. this is all i have to show. bye fellow rin enjoyers.
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mrfoox · 1 year
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How to explain to people I care for how special they are to me without being creepy 😔
#miranda talking shit#Like dude... If youre one of the 3 people i want to be bothered by... Youre so fucking special#If youre one of the 3 people i can hold eye contact with for more than two seconds per conversation youre so amazing#If youre one of the 2 people i can talk to for hours without feeling social/mental fatigue... Youre top tier#Like i likr a lot of people but there are so few who i can say do not tire me or i am very truly comfortable with#And i wish i could make them understand how big of a deal it is for me... For me that is so special. I dont have many people like that#I have people i can allow to bother me and will be okay with it but only a couple i genuinely want them to bother me#Text me call me talk to me whenever i love you and am not ever bothered by you and i always have time for you#Fabian is definitely one and i think he doesnt get it bc we have gone through many periods of weeks where we talk daily#Sometimes we dont for weeks at all. But hes one of the rare people i can feel ... Im not fatigued by.#I love many people but most will take different amounts of social energy from me. Some more than others so i really have to be in the right#Place to be able to handle them. So when i find the people who i dont get that with who i can just be around and talk with without feeling#The fatigue im... I wish i could explain how truly special they are to me. Everyone and everything tire me but you#And oliver is one out of 3 people (my mom being one and Linnéa friend since we were 13 is another) who i can look in the eyes#For many times for long periods and i dont feel .. Uneasy. Like thats actually amazing. The privilege and/or superpower you have is huge#Idk what it is with oliver. Idk i know i like him but the fact im so comfortable is wild. Usually around people i have a crush on i am shy#Blushing and looking away. With him im like 👀 hey... Yea . I dont mind him seeing me and i hate being seen by everyone#Maybe its bc hes so ... Unbothered? I feel not judged. I feel like he can see me and not judge and thats sadly shocking for me
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transmascissues · 2 months
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it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?
first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.
one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.
this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.
oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.
basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.
but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!
at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.
just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.
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