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#im doing the best i can but not one of these was easy
l0stglitch · 13 hours
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A night at the boardwalk
(Platonic Yandere lost boys x reader)
Notes- Sorry this took so long to write! This fic wasn’t supposed to be that dark but then idk I guess I kind of changed my mind towards the end.
Warnings- Neglectful parenting, (They’re all kind of assholes in this but at least Dwayne and Paul try to be nice)
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You glared down at the sheet in front of you, hoping that the intensity of your gaze would somehow make it disappear altogether. Algebra had always been a weak spot for you, so being given a sheet full of equations to solve by your tutor had been a very unwelcome surprise.
It was hard to even read the numbers under the dim light of the cave, which only added to your growing frustration.
“I’ve been looking for you.”
Your head shot up at the sound of Paul’s voice. Judging by the way his words seemed to almost melt into each other, you came to the conclusion that your father was definitely not sober.
“Hey pa,” You replied as he sat down on the couch beside you.
The man threw his head back with a theatrical groan and rested his arms on the back of the couch.
His eyes remained shut for a moment, before opening and curiously glancing over at you.
“Whatcha got there babe?”
You shrugged, fiddling with the paper absentmindedly.
“School work.”
Paul snorted, “School work! You actually bother with that shit? Y/n you don’t even go to school.”
You rolled your eyes at the comment, “Well yeah. Lindsey set it for me- and besides the others would kill me if I didn’t do it.”
He frowned, “Is she setting you too much work? Cause you know we can find you someone else if-”
“No! No! I like her.” You cut in quickly. Lindsey wasn’t your first tutor. You’d had a few before, but they usually didn’t last long. Each one mysteriously disappearing after a few months.
Since you weren’t enrolled in school, your fathers (well, David and Dwayne) had decided that it was important that you were still somewhat educated, and had taken the responsibility of finding tutors for you.
It was risky of course, having outsiders visit the cave to teach you, so it wasn’t surprising that your fathers were extremely careful about who they picked and what information they gave to them.
Lindsey was the best so far, but she had been teaching you for three months by now. You knew it was only a matter of time until they replaced her.
Paul took the work from you and squinted at it.
“You know how much math I do each day?”
You frowned, “Uh- do you even know how to do math?”
He scrunched the paper into a ball and threw it across the room.
“Nope! And I don’t need to- cause it’s all just dumb made up shit.”
He twisted onto his knees and grabbed you by your shoulders.
“Look babe, you should be enjoying life- not wasting it on algebra.”
You laughed dryly, “I would if David hadn’t grounded me.”
Paul sat back with a defeated look on his face, “Well shit. I forgot about that. Wait- what did you do again?”
“Fuck knows.”
He hummed and lit a spliff.
You debated asking for a smoke, but ultimately decided not to.
“Y’know… I think you’re right about me enjoying life.”
Paul quirked a brow, “Well duh. Im always right.”
“Yeah, so I was thinking maybe you could take me to the boardwalk.”
“Take you to the boardwalk…” He repeated under his breath.
“Yep. David said I can’t go alone, so as long as you’re with me..”
Your dad blinked at you, trying to make sense of what you were saying.
“So.. so.. you’re grounded- or are you not?”
You smiled innocently and shook your head. “Not grounded.”
“And you want me to take you to the boardwalk?”
“Yeah.”
Paul paused for a second, “Sure, that sounds fun.”
You grinned, delighted by how easy it was to get your way.
“Great! I’ll go grab a jacket.”
He nodded slowly, “Ok I’ll uh- I’m getting the keys then.”
You almost tripped in your haste to get to your room. You grabbed a worn leather jacket from your clothes rack before spinning around and running back to Paul.
Unsurprisingly, you got back before he had managed to find the keys to the bike.
“Pa, they’re in that drawer over there.” You said as you entered the main part of the cave, pointing over to a small, wooden chest of drawers.
He frowned, “Coulda sworn I just checked that one…” you heard him mumble to himself as he lumbered over to where you had directed him.
“Ha! You’re right babe- they were here this whole time. That’s weird.”
You smiled impatiently, “Can we go now?”
“You aren’t gonna put on your jacket?”
You glanced down at the leather tucked under your arm, realising you’d forgotten to put it on in your rush.
“Yes- fine! Can we please go now?”
Paul watched as you quickly shoved your arms into the sleeves with barely concealed frustration. Not that he particularly noticed in his impaired state.
“Cmon then.”
He stood up and held out a hand. Usually you would’ve refused, claiming to be too old for that, but you knew better than to test your limits right now. As long as you got out the cave, that was all that mattered.
Paul spoke to you the whole ride. Or at least, you think he did- it was difficult to hear over the rushing wind and snarling engine.
When you eventually reached the boardwalk, it only took around 5 minutes for your father to get distracted.
You noticed them before he did. A rowdy mix of surf nazis and punks, many of them seeming to recognise Paul. They called him over, flashing their alcohol and weed enticingly at him.
He looked at you, torn between his responsibilities as a father and the desire to do whatever the fuck he wanted.
“You stay here, ok? I’ll be five minutes. Don’t go anywhere.”
You nodded obediently, “Don’t worry Pa, you can trust me.”
He ruffled your hair, “I know.”
You stood there for a moment, watching as he eagerly greeted the group. It saddened you slightly, seeing how he’d rather spend the night with them instead of you, but at least it gave you the opportunity to see your friends.
Once you were sure he wasn’t coming back, you began making your way through the busy crowds. The smell of food stalls, and the sound of people chattering excitedly- you loved it. You loved the boardwalk with your whole heart.
“Y/n! Is that you?”
You turned at the sound of your best friend’s voice. She was hanging out with a group of kids you’d never seen before, a surprised look on her face.
You hurried over, greeting her with a hug.
“I’ve missed you Beth,” you said as you pulled out of the embrace. Your friend smiled and gave your hand a warm squeeze.
“Me too- I kinda thought you were grounded.”
“Yeah I was. I managed to convince Paul to take me out.”
Bethany frowned, “Is he the one who taught you to skateboard?”
You were touched by her effort to try and remember the things you had told her about your dads. “No that’s Dwayne. Paul’s the stoner.”
She nodded, “Ah ok, so that means we won’t have to worry about being caught?”
“Unless one of the others shows up we should be fine.”
“Great! Let’s go do something fun then.”
You frowned, glancing over at the other kids she was with, “You’re just gonna leave them?”
Bethany shrugged, “They’re just school friends. I’d rather hang out with you.”
You smiled, “If you’re sure. What kind of fun did you have in mind?”
She shot you a sly grin, “How about we get our ears pierced?”
“Again?”
“Yeah, we can get our seconds done!”
You hesitated, imagining David or Marko’s reaction to another set of piercings.
“Oh cmon, your dads are punks right? Surely they won’t be that pissed off.”
“Yeah but they’re also total hypocrites and control freaks.”
Bethany gave you a pleading look, and you finally gave in.
“Ok ok, let’s go do it.”
She squealed in excitement and grabbed your hand, “We’re gonna look so cool! Have you eaten yet? We can grab some hotdogs or something after!”
You laughed, “I’m starving! We’ve got like no food at home.”
Beth shot you a sympathetic look, “Aw you poor thing. They starvin you again?”
“Yeah but.. not purposely this time,” you shrugged, trying to downplay it.
“Ok, well we’ll get ya something to eat after.”
You nodded, “That’s the place, right?”
She glanced over to the tattoo parlour you were looking at, “Yeah that’s it. I know a guy whose brother works there.”
You hummed as you both reached the door, “Sometimes it feels like you know the whole of Santa Carla.”
Bethany laughed, “You would too if your dads let you go to school.”
You shrugged, “Maybe one day…”
Your conversation seemed to naturally die as you both walked inside.
The guy Bethany knew was nice enough- he gave you both a 50% discount and told you to come back again should you ever want anything else.
You thanked him and left once you were finished, eager to find something to eat.
“You want any mustard on that?”
You quickly shook your head, “Just ketchup’s fine.”
The guy in the van nodded, squirting red sauce onto your hotdog. He handed you the food in exchange for a couple dollars and you walked back over to Bethany.
“You sure you don’t want anything?”
The blonde girl shrugged, “Me and mum ate earlier.”
You nodded and took a large bite out of the hotdog.
Bethany watched you eat. The way you hungrily tore into your food saddened her- she knew you were being mistreated by your parents. She knew that sometimes you’d go days without food. You claimed it was accidental, and that they would never starve you as a form of punishment, but she wasn’t so sure.
“Y’know, you could always move in with us. My mum wouldn’t mind, and my dad… well he’s been gone for a while now. I doubt he’s gonna come back anytime soon.”
You swallowed your food and shook your head, “Beth I couldn’t do that to you. If my dads found out-”
You stopped yourself before you could say it. If your dads found out that you had moved in with your best friend, then she was as good as dead.
You’d seen what they were capable of. Only once, but that was enough to change the way you saw them. They were predators. They fed off people. People like Bethany. People like you.
“I know I just- I just worry about you.”
You smiled, “You shouldn’t, you got your own shit to deal with.”
She laughed humourlessly, “You mean my dad? He’s long gone, Y/n. I don’t need to worry about him anymore.”
You were about to reply, when a familiar voice suddenly caught your attention.
“Two hours Paul! Two fucking hours and you somehow managed to lose her.”
You stopped in your tracks and grabbed Bethany’s hand. She shot you a questioning look, but you offered no explanation.
“Dude I swear I was only gone for like five minutes! I thought I could trust her.”
“She’s thirteen! In what world is a thirteen year old trustworthy?”
Bethany suddenly seemed to catch on. “Shit! Are those your dads?”
You nodded frantically, “Yeah! They uh- they definitely know I’m here so you gotta get outta here now before they see you.”
“You gonna be ok?”
“I’ll be fine- just go ok?”
Your friend reluctantly turned around, sending you a quick goodbye before disappearing into a crowd.
A moment later, David rounded the corner, followed by Dwayne, Paul and Marko.
“Where the fuck have you been?” David demanded, his icy blue eyes staring threateningly at you.
“I was hungry.” You said, meekly holding up the ketchup stained napkin.
Dwayne took a step closer, eyes full of worry, “Paul forgot to feed you?”
You narrowed your eyes, “I can feed myself- there just wasn’t any food.”
David scoffed, “So you snuck out cause you were hungry?”
You frowned, “I didn’t sneak out- Paul took me!”
“Hey! Don’t blame this on Paul. He brought you here as a kind gesture and you fucking ran off!” Marko interjected.
“He went off to get high! How is that my fault?” You could hear how your voice was getting whinier the more you spoke, desperate and full of frustration.
Paul opened his mouth to speak, but David cut him off. “Enough of this. It’s time to go home.”
You bit your tongue to stop yourself from arguing with him, knowing it would only make the situation worse.
Dwayne took your hand and rubbed your knuckles placatingly. “Cmon babe let’s go.”
You nodded wordlessly, allowing him to lead you to where they had parked their bikes.
Dwayne mounted the ride first, before helping you up onto the seat behind. You glanced over and accidentally locked eyes with Paul. He looked slightly apologetic, although it was hard to tell through the darkness.
“Alright let’s go!” David called over the grumble of the engines. You wrapped your arms tightly around Dwayne’s waist as his bike shot forward seconds later.
The cool night air stung your eyes, forcing you to shut them.
Smothered by the howling wind, you could hear laughter and cheering from your fathers. It almost felt like they were taunting you.
They were excited to get back to the cave. Excited to punish you. It made you sick.
Tag list- @bella-goths-wife @xjesterxjacksx @simplyreading96 @ursinaw @purple-lemon-8
(This technically isn’t a part 2 of the first fic because I wasn’t really sure what direction to take that one but I do have a few ideas for this so if anyone’s interested in a part 2 of this or just has any suggestions/requests my asks are open!)
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casuallyanidiot · 13 hours
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yandere reader with a darling whos incredibly depressed and doesnt think he deserves love. reader saw him and though "if you cant take care of yourself, im gonna have to do it for you" and yoinked him
He just doesn't realize how precious he is. His eyes always have this sunken in quality to them that just hurts your heart. Doesn't he know that sleep is good for him?
I think it would start less as an obsession but more out of genuine concern. Like, you've always had the tendency to become incredibly fixated on something, that's true, but when you see him for the first time, something just clicks.
He's got this dry sense of humor that always manages to catch you off guard, a smile that's rarer than any treasure you own, and he's so kind too in ways you're not sure if he even acknowledges. But the more you pay attention to him, you also realize how bad he is at nurturing himself. You watch him through his daily routine now, and you notice how during the day he never eats anything. Strange, but it could just be he likes eating at home. So naturally you follow him home, and sure enough, he doesn't eat that evening either. This starts a pattern of you rationalizing that maybe, just maybe he'll feel your concern for him somehow and start realizing that what he's doing isn't what's best.
Then it hits you that maybe he just doesn't know. I mean you sometimes push yourself past the point of what's healthy without even realizing what's going on until it's too late. You wouldn't be surprised if he was like that too.
So, in your defense, you do try and help him live a better life. He's very sweet and polite when you tell him that he should get more sleep, and he never really is rude when he declines going on walks with you. But he doesn't study, and you see him slipping in classes. Then he stops talking to his friends. Still, he won't eat. You peer through his window each night, growing more and more worried.
Why? Why? Why?
Does he not understand that you care about him so much? Does it mean nothing?
There's something else that clicks once again, and you know that there's only one way that you can soothe both of your suffering.
Once he's locked in a crate in your basement, you can rest easy knowing he's well taken care of.
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please old man/bookclub five headcanons, I loved ur last post about him!
hope you're feeling okay :]
Gasp!
I'm going to assume normal bookclub bc idk what s4 "bookclub" is. But I can totally ramble off about him in a casual club for books.
*he reads the books too fast and gets more peeved at the others who end up going very very slow. If someone doesn't finish a book, he admittly makes a comment "why are you in a book club if you can't finish a book is beyond me but-" old man shrug. It's not a fight worth having, he's just being a dick.
* brings the members strawberries and other fresh produce when he can. He likes showing off the stuff he grows and brings snacks.
*gets REALLY into the books. It's like he gets a micro fandom to be in every month. He reads it though like 3 times and then listens to the audio book once. Looks up if there's anything else. Maybe even discovers fanfiction...but he tries not to get that desperate.....he's read a few for particularly addictive books.
*has given a huge ramble about how the Great Gatsby would have been better and a lot of stuff settled if Gatsby and caraway kissed. He does it so casually too like he's not trying to make a progressive point or spark bigger queer discussion. He just genuinely thinks that's the answer to the book. More man kissing.
* speaking of, the more queer books they end up reading, the more he questions his everything. He probably has gone up to Viktor about stuff in these books and try to weasel out a "no it's not like that. Your totally a normal cishet man five." but neh it's ALWAYS "yeah that seems very realistic to the queer existence. Why so curious?" And he ends up not being able to admit he connects with said books. Viktor knows but he's not going to hound his brother any time soon. Five knows once he leaves the closet,there's people waiting to be supportive.
*the old ladies there can't stop babying him. He tries very hard to be as old man and as mature as he can but they don't listen and pinch his cheeks and pat his head. He is trying to do less sudden grandma wrist breaking to he takes it for the most part. They can be wrong. He will keep doing what he does. And he hates to admit the attention from women in his age range is nice. Sad he can't make any moves.
* for the holidays the bookclub goes caroling. Five isn't a fan but tags along. They most likely end up at one of his siblings houses and he gets cold feet. They can't see him in a dorky sweater and singing. Last Christmas he threw a fit about sweaters. But if he doesn't move, the club will leave him in the snow. Ruthless old farts.
Allison answers the door. Around 5 old people, 4 local parents and......five??? They stare daggers at eachother as five poorly sings oh holy night with the group. Then leaves. The other members noticed the tension but didn't want to say much.
*Lila tried to join once to get 'in' with the parents that are involved but was so booooored. "Five, no one should be having this much fun talking this much about a book. Period. Im almost concerned that you have finally gone senial."
*if five didn't like a book, he makes a PowerPoint on why and how. He is very detailed in his opinions. He wishes the others would do the same but no body can match his freak.
*he brings mr. Pennycrumb with him bc service dog and everyone there loves him.
* I think everyone assumes five is just a very lonely mentally or physically ill young man and try there best to be nice. He isn't fond of there borderline pity but he enjoys there company none the less.
* Diana from the PTA makes the best lemon cookies. Five eats more than he should.
*on top of book club, they like to take outings together to walk around and see the community. Do easy elderly friendly geocashes and eat at local cafes. Five likes when they go to the library because then they can snoop around for more books.
I hope you like these :3
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kitconnor · 1 year
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YASMIN FINNEY as ELLE ARGENT Heartstopper Season 2
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jestroer · 7 months
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Anyways the Docbeef game on the ZITS olympics was insane
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xxplastic-cubexx · 23 days
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so like do you think they made the plastic wheelchair ALONGSIDE the plastic prison as a Just In Case situation, only after they realized charles was going to be a frequent visitor, or both as in because they knew charles was going to be the only person visiting him during planning they decided to make him a chair ahead of time
#xmen#x2: x men united#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#cherik#not really but yes it is#snap chats#secret fourth option is they just had a plastic wheelchair at the mansion just in case this incredibly specific scenario happened jvlkaervj#part of me hopes the staff just Knew cause imagine being THAT divorced publicly but another part hopes erik asked for one. not politely ofc#def joked bout how charles couldnt think to leave him alone for five minutes lest he did something Uncouth somehow ik he did#that charles was going to show up sooner or later so they might as well make it easy for themselves and prep etc etc#girl ima throw up what if charles didnt visit tho .... thats not even a possibility cause ofc he did but still !!!!#personally id throw up and cry like wdym my best friend ex husband didnt show up. when i even asked for a chair for him ..#EVEN ASKED FOR A SILLY LIL PLASTIC CHESS SET alternatively what if charles brought that... im making myself sick#As Indicated By My Username i think of the plastic jail every day its so funny to me and so quaint#i should rewatch X2 just for plastic jail#like it makes sense and i do think its a cute detail but still. gotta put grandpa in the polly pocket prison set now. tragic !!#i remember watching the movie for the first time in recent years and audibly going 'aw' at the plastic wheelchair im so sorry JVLKEJKA#LIKE AWW CMON THATS WEIRDLY CUTE gotta make sure peepaw can visit his ex husband </3 so they can play chess </3#i love that chess is Their Thing ... any time a ship's got mfers who fucks heavy with chess i know im hooked#its not intentional things happen this way but i will still laugh#kk nightly cherik posting is done byebye
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beatcroc · 2 months
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Mecha-Sonic, Dr. Robotnik has created other robots based on Sonic and thrown them away before he created you. Do you have any thoughts on this?
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litt1e-prince · 1 year
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you guys DONT understand- i read this line from Smiles Taken AU fic and just havent been the same since- went out of my way to learn perspective
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WWWOOOPS FORGOT I MADE THIS. drew this back at around when the hyperbolic time chamber training arc was just starting. remember that? huh? remember the hamspter??? ohhhhhhhh youll remember the haspter!!!! oh my god yknow what else i remember. williams overwhelming love for christmas. oh my god. spooky zombie boy loves the christmas.. literally the best possible thing for him...
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi pd spoilers#VYNCENT SSOOOOOLLLL I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO DRAW YOUUUUU AND YKNIOW WHY?? YKNOW WHYYY???? BC WHEN I FIRST DREW EVERYONE:#I DIDNT LOOK AT ANY REFS. DREW EM STRAIGHT FROM OFF THE TOP O MY HEAD. AND WELL. IN MY HEAD SOMETIMES#I PICTURE THE CHARACTERS LOOKING SIMILAR TO THE PLAYERS IN SOME WAY. NOT THE BEST THING TO DO REALLY. BUT YOU SEE.#VYNCENT CAME OFF AS A VERY SOFT AND SWEET CHARACTER. BUT SEEMED TO CARRY ALOT OF STRENGTH. HES LIKE A BEAUTIFUL AND POWERFUL BULL TO ME.#SO I DRAW THE GUY REAL DENSE! BUT THEN YAKNOOOWW THE OFFICIAL ART CROSSES MY EYES N IM LIKE FFFYUUUUUCKKK HE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THAT!!!!!!#IM LIKE AAUGUHGH IM DRAWIN HIM WRONG!!! BUT THEN IM ALSO CRAAAZY STUBBORN N I AAALREADY ESTABLISHED THIS DESIGN FOR HIM AND I DONT WANNT#I DONT WANNA GO N JUS CHANGE IT AAAALL UP NOW!!CMAHHHNNN BUT I STILL GOTTA DO SOOOMETHIN!!#LEST HE BECOMES SO FAR REMOVED FROM THE SOURCE MATERIAL HE FAILS TO BE RECOGNIZED!! ANYONE ELSE GO THRU THIS? GIMME UR TIPS#anyway AHH THE DEMON THAT DESPISES ART FROM MONTHS AGO!! just means im improving so so fastly and cool-like. tbh im so proud o my recents#bUT HEY THOUGH I FIGURED OUT THE QUEUEUE THING AHAHAH NOW I CAN GET ALL MY THOUGHTS N DRAWINS OUT IN A DAAAYYYY#CONSISTENT POSTING FOR A MONTH HERE I COME. DAILY UPLOADS FOR A WEEK. YEAAHH BABY!!! PREPARE FOR SHOTGGUN BLASDT!!!!!!#ALRIGHT ALright one more thing before i go im. SO IN LOVE WITH MY SHAPES HONESLY... they are not just one shape but so so many put together#fucked up innit??? im seeing soo many problems in this piece though but i rest easy knowing i captured my feelings in the moment.
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RED VS BLUE FANS!
I was thinking about trans hcs in the rvb fandom, tiering the levels of average to bonkers and the popularity of each character being trans in my brain, but i don't know if my opinions are universal
Rb for sample size and, if you feel like it, drop everyone you hc as trans in the tags!
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constantvariations · 8 months
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A trend in Astarion fics that I find bizarre is the idea that he's never been treated gently during sex. This is difficult to believe for one simple reason: some of Astarion's victims were virgins.
Astarion: You were handsome. Shy. You'd never been kissed. Sebastian: You taught me how. And then you destroyed me.
I get the desire to make his current partner special by having their sex be good and wholesome in comparison to his other trysts, but this is a flawed sentiment. The cutscene of that first night together is incredibly tender from the kiss to laying on the grass - the only outlier being if you offer your neck - and if you sleep with Astarion but keep it at that night, Astarion himself says he will never forget you. Not because the PC was uniquely gentle with him in bed, but because they were the first person he ever slept with of his own free will. It's his choice that makes that night special to him moreso than anything the PC may or may not have done during that time.
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waywardsalt · 2 months
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picked up a copy of and read the king in yellow (signalis reasons) and going in was like hmmmmm this probably wont end up being something i take inspiration from for the fic it’d be too on the nose to take inspiration from the king in yellow and i dont want much horror inspiration haha. and then like half of the book is romance anyways im so fucked either way yayyyy
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lemongogo · 2 months
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j need to get back into life drawing post haste
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#i think im losing . construction in my art#im forgetting how to draw bodies think. idk#literlaly so annoying . its like fun when u get the hang of things but then u neglect one aspect in pursuit of another#and then have to go back and touch up that old skill to try and balance jt and theres that brief period where#eveyrthing is harmonious and then it outpaces itself again and becomes ths juggling act#overall i enjoy it . the drawing sessions but smtimes finding the will 2 get out of bed is like pulling teeth#bc i know im never going 2 walk out of there feeling satisfied but . actually idc#a lot of my pals . my friends there r a couple of decades older than me and they have the best advice tbh#randy. and donna . randy and donna and third guy whose name i forget . -> if u r satisfied at the end of a session did u rly learn anything#always want 2 improve . right right#UARHGHQHHH ill do it ill go . im scared bc i feel like it tends to artblock me#bc i start getting in my head ab what i know/see vs what i can only draw#but im sooo addicted 2 wanting to get better . i want to draw like a million people i see on here who have that great construction and#weight and anatomy and dynamism . i want to be like u . ill work to be like u ill try#and i feel like ive negelcted my basics for soo long .. i need to get ths foam shapes and a lamp . NOWWWW#yotasuke#i miss yotasuke so much.damn. thats crazy . anyways#the way he points out that yatoras dedication/hard work is a talent . like ueah . i agree w him im envious of that r u kidding me#and ytora walkimg arnd like oh u have it so easy ytsk. he needs to shut the hell up smtimes#i meed to see them eviscerate each other blood and all.#spongebob icecream truck- not that yatoras hard work isnt Also a skill but ykwim . if youve read YKWIMM#bc he was always like woe is me im soo untalented and its like no bro u r you just manifest it differently . that natural drive is a talent#but that natural drive also takes skill to foster and nurture else it has no purpose .#no i cant be blp posting in the tags bye
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language learning revelation i had
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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scalproie · 5 months
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*shaking and crying* where is Urizen
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