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#im done being bitter for now but ill be back later with more
starfruit-baby · 1 year
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What is the difference between Leo Manfred and Gavin Reed in your opinion? Like, why do you think Leo is worthy of redemption and not Gavin?
I don't like Gavin, and I didn't like Leo either, but your posts are making me think
in retrospect, i guess 'redeemable' wasnt the right word and im sorry for using it, since technically, as far as canon is concerned, we never see concrete proof he truly sees androids as equals, much less regrets any harm done by his own hands and words. right now i think the word i could use would be "sympathetic", since what we CAN do is walk through his backstory, and connect the dots from his life to his current thinking, even if it doesn't necessarily excuse his actions, far from even. by now im gonna be talking from an utterly biased perspective so its not quite set in stone, im prone to fucking up what is or isnt canon or weighing in personal judgement from My preferences, so just a heads up, but going a little more into it:
like, putting yourself in his shoes, he was a child of a fling, and his rich father although comfortable enough to openly claim him, did not bother to visit him personally until he was a teenager, an already difficult phase for the average person, only to be met with scorn because by this time in his life, he found solace in the wrong crowd and vices. and from this point on trying to get closer to his father is useless because of something so difficult to change in yourself.
and then, once disabled, Carl gets a machine to help him around, which is normal at this point in time. but, as the game makes it seem at least, carls whole behaviour changes gradually, because he talks to markus, and this angry (at least as far as Leo is aware), pessimistic old man is caught smiling, because of this machine. he chats with it. and now, hes walking into his father guiding this thing into his fathers very passion. this, as far as Leo is concerned, common object, a household facility like a toaster, is getting lessoned proudly by his father, who loses all the shine in his eyes once he walks in, goes back to his sarcastic, bitter old tone, and will grow aggressive if you even speak ill of the thing. and, later on, Carl talks about his own son as if he's not there in the room, ordering around his toaster to deal with you as if to not get his hands dirty. dirty with You being in his way. his own blood.
now, again, does this excuse his behavior? nope. even in the belief that Markus is truly an unfeeling object, at the very last moment before Markus is forced to decide between obeying or not, he starts referring towards Markus as something that could be physically hurt, and emotionally provoked. where previously his mockery of Markus felt more about provoking his father, not addressing Markus directly, the time he decides to pick a fight with Markus he's talking TO him. hes speaking as if this theoretically unfeeling being could either fear or be angry at him (which turns out, he can), but its difficult to tell if hes under some sort of influence or not, or if this egging on is still in part more to dash back his frustrations at Carl in a less direct manner. his love for the old man stops him from wanting to lay a hand on him, but he knows with how clear the guy makes it he cares for this android, how he yells, itll still inflict Something to tear this thing apart.
now, i may be wrong here, and im real sorry if i sound like a douche for it, but i dont personally consider too much the actors headcanons as full canon, and Gavins background according to the game is really uh... unclear? i can understand how people get to the conclusion his workplace ambition is what makes him hate androids, hell do Anything to get to the top, but a lot of what people attribute as being the motivation behind it i find kinda... idk, circumstancial? im not saying improbable, but my post was more about how people latched on to him when theres way less explanation and even content to him than Leo does? my last guess is that people plain and simple found him sexier than Leo
from My perspective, the closest we get to a Leo redemption is if Carl dies, and he comes across Markus mourning his father as well. the first time i saw this i thought there would be a fight, that he would scream and yell that it was all Markus' fault, even when he knows it wasnt, how dare this fucking thing even show itself in a cemetary. but he just... looks on. in shock. what he deemed something slightly above a glorified toaster is there, when he shouldnt even be. the fruits of his fathers time invested in this android. in his bonding. this thing that shouldve been dismantled in a junkyard somewhere, completely useless, now overwhelming the news talking about civil rights. and this is where he gets it. this thing understands the concept of grief, its clearly feeling it. Markus looks sad. a cold and calculating machine would understand theres no point in visiting a stone with some decaying corpse underneath it, death is final. wouldnt bother making the time to visit this unremarkable place while its on the brink of raging a war. but it did. the same as he was about to do. fucked up
on an alternate where Carl survives, most of what Leo says goes more towards the favor of his father than mentioning the android. we dont know if he knows anything of what happened with Markus at all, so its hard to draw a conclusion, but the game certainly feeds some hope that after this horrible event they can mend back. he promises to do what he can to get rid of what, as far as he knows, is what truly keeps Carl from loving him. no more ugly addiction. who knows, maybe theres a chance for growth. maybe if he really wants to, Leo could give in to seeing Markus as something equal, if thats what would make his dad not hate him.
and, with Gavin... he either leaves on a corny joke, beats up Connor, or gets beaten up. which i certainly see the appeal of, but definitely doesnt scream "no longer sci-fi racist"/"only mildly, acceptably sci-fi racist" to me, but to each their own
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october 18th, 2020
You know, life is funny, even at seventeen.
Like I feel like in the past four years of my life so much has happened that I could write forever about it
when I was 14 everything was so simple, everything to me then was about whether the guy in English liked me back, and how I could be prettier, and how to have the most fun, it was before the school was on drugs, before the bitterness of adolescence kicks in and your view of the world is distorted, but also at the same time justified. Back when I had to ask my mom for a ride, and the foundation of my social life was built upon whether my mom was available to drive me.
Im sure I will read this back year after year, as time goes by and giggle at the innocence that is really subjective as you age. However it doesn’t change the fact that I feel any of this.
Maybe I’m writing this as a closure, or a way to organize my thought, or perhaps a letter to my future self reminding me what it was like at this period in my life- I don’t really care, I just wanted to put this on paper, because a part of me breaks at the thought of forgetting it.
“Sweet Jane” by the velvet underground, I saw Miley Cyrus cover it today on youtube, and it reminded me of Tyler and 2018. It made me sad a little bit. There was some sort of aura that year that just felt like things wouldn’t change and that they would last forever, there was this weird certainty about it, I’m not really sure why- maybe thats the innocence of it all. I just remember that song, and it being on the playlist he made me for my birthday that year- I still cannot listen to that song and not get emotional, even two years later. I don’t really know why it makes me so sad, maybe ill find out once I’m done writing this, but it just represents a transition I guess. It represents Tyler and what he means to me in my life. I guess its more about Tyler. The name Tyler will always have this weird connotation for me, it just is so weird. It kinda makes me want to scream thinking about it not going to lie. It makes me more boggled knowing that at one point in my life that energy was worth holding onto. I just feel as if that year and a half, maybe two years 2018/2019 was some sort of time warp, I wasn’t myself then, and I was okay with that. Everything felt off those two years, nothing felt like it was mine, I kept looking outside for myself rather than within. I cannot blame Tyler for me losing my mind, but he still has that connotation. His impact on my life is undeniable, and I forget that more and more, and when I remember that he existed in my life at one point, it blows my mind, and when I realize that he still exists, it blows my mind even more. He just really never felt real, like honestly thats what it is, even when I didn’t like him, something about him seemed like so divine, not fake necessarily but just so like designed.
Its just so sad. I have this bad habit of checking his spotify every few days, I’ve been doing it since freshman year, idk I want to break it, but I also have this morbid curiosity- I guess we all have our vices. Anyways it seems like he’s dating this guy now, and its just funny because I feel like I’m starting a thing with *****- and I hate it- I feel like I’m going to be energetically tied to Tyler forever, i just hate it, I feel like I’m mirroring him all the time somehow, god knows if thats true, but its this complex I have and I hate when little things prove it- basically a Marilyn Monroe complex except with a guy. I wish all the time I could just wake up in a world where he never hurt my feelings as bad as he did- where he wasn’t an asshole, where I didn’t fall in love with him. My ego has never been more sure about something than thinking tyler would be my first boyfriend- I thank god every day for that lesson though- you cannot trust the ego lmao.
Even though all of that shit sucked, I wouldn’t really do anything differently, I’m never going to tell him I loved him, I’m never going to tell him how shitty of a person he is, I’m never going to tell him why I did everything- and I almost did but I’m glad I didn’t. The main lesson was learning about ego and what it is capable of, and honestly, telling him all that shit only satisfies my ego, the only reason I ever wanted to was to get a reaction to “know” that he knows- but he already knows, probably not his ego, but his soul. I know that- I believe I can tell anyone anything through the soul, and I think everyone has the truth deep inside them, but their ego is preventing them from seeing it- like how in summer 2018 I was so sure but it all felt off- I knew, but I didn’t know.
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smallpumpkinboi · 3 years
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This is a harsh reminder to stop manipulating people to be "educating" and becoming and activists on every simgle problem in the world. I'm sorry but its mentally draining and not everyone has the mental or physical capacity for this. I'm tired of seeing posts that tell people they are shit for not posting about political issues or donating. Not everyone is capable of doing years worth of study in like a week (and honestly most of the time its biased ideas that have a bad understanding of the topics) AND donating money, even signing petitions can be a bit sketchy. We need to focus on the changes people make within their own community, not what they post or say online
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noritoshiikamo · 3 years
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this is how you fall in love
pairing: kuroo tetsuroo + fem!oc genre: friends into lovers fluff with slight suggestive end tags//warning: nothing major // slight suggestive at the end if you squint enough note: the obligatory trio of mine: not well edited, lowercase intended, english isnt my first language im sorry if i murder it. o wow look ive been posting back to back, ive been writing nonstop lately watch me ghost my stories in few weeks guys my brain = rotting, plus lately ive been feeling emotionally abuseddrained so i need something fluffy
listen to this is how you fall in love by jeremy zucker + chelsea cutler for maximum feels
“you’re a lifesaver.”
kuroo huffed, eyes rolling back with a small laugh as he unlaced his sneakers and slipped the room slipper on. it was odd to see the gymnasium without any nets or balls sprawled around. the gym has been closed for a week now in preparation for the upcoming open school event and currently under the art club’s jurisdiction. under her jurisdiction with her canvases and paints and it pained him to see her ruining his sacred place. he carried two plastic bags and holding two boba teas in the same hand. he wasn’t sure which one she was more excited for; the boba, the paints she made him ran to an art supply shop or him. she reached out, the bobas in his hand exchanged as she settled it on the floor, and she squealed at the sight of the plastic bag. he frowned.
yup, not him.
tins of different colors of paint that she ran out mid painting that she forgot to buy had her dialing his number and now it’s all here. all thanks to kuroo tetsuro. she grimaced at the price tags; it was costly than her usual one. usually, she would’ve gotten her supplies online, but desperate measure calls for desperate solution. she could always claim her expenses with the club. typical kuroo, she huffed. he always preached about getting the best, not minding the price tags but she’ll be the victim of his nonstop complaining that he’s getting broke every single day. she tucked a stray hair back and mentally counted how much she owed the man as she arranged the tins on the table.
kuroo noticed that look; same look she had when they are in the math class and he clicked his tongue, “tch, you’re not paying.”
“i’m reimbursing you with the club money,” she shook her head and reached for her bag, “please kuroo, it’s so expensive.”
he reached for her wrist and she dropped the tote bag as he invaded her space. kuroo rested the palm of her hand right above his heart, his own around the waist and another under her chin as he tilted her chin up. his heartbeat was erratic, and she flushed. “it’s okay,” he said, softly. her lips formed into a small pout and he fought the urge to just kiss her.
their dynamic is something even kenma couldn’t figure it out.
they weren’t exactly dating. they are friends, close friends, and classmates. it has always been him, her and occasionally yaku; creating the chaotic duo/trio of class 5. they both played volleyballs, both captains while he’s the middle blocker, she’s their female team’s setter. they knew a lot of each other’s friends from other schools; he was the reason why she dated akaashi keiji from the first place. it was selfish of kuroo to admit to bokuto a month after they started dating that he disliked the idea of them together. typical kuroo is no longer snarky, he felt lost, felt like he was losing his other half. so, he confided to his close friend, the simpleton ace.
“you didn’t make any moves, kuroo, you can’t blame them.”
bokuto noted as them both stared at the two setters, playing around the fallen cherry blossoms. bokuto never seen akaashi smiled that much and kuroo could only wished that she smiled the same way to him. kuroo stared at the half bitten onigiri he’d been holding, suddenly every bite he took tasted bitter. every trace of akaashi on her gave him bitter taste. she liked wearing akaashi’s jersey; kuroo longed to see her in his own numbered jersey; she’s his number one after all. her own jersey number is as same as akaashi. it’s not like kuroo could hate anything he did; he treated her well. akaashi was a perfect boyfriend and everyone knew. that’s why kuroo hates him; he gave him no reason to hate the dude. it didn’t last long however, they drifted apart 6 months later, sending her to kuroo’s doorstep soaked in rain.
he stared at her soaked figure with no thoughts in mind.
“he dumped me,” she said, voice hoarse and shivering.
he was alone and was about to leave for kenma’s, but he couldn’t leave her alone. dropping his keys on the small table by the door, he threw his jacket back in the closet. “come in,” he whispered, pulling her figure in. dropping her bag on the floor, she clutched on his sleeves as she kicked off her soaking shoes. “i’m sorry, my mom isn’t home and i can’t find my keys,” she was a blabbering mess and he hushed her. he left her for a few minutes, coming back with a steaming towel and a clean shirt and pants. “it’s from the dryer. you can borrow my sister’s clothes,” grabbing her hands, they ran upstairs where he took her to the bathroom. she was too quiet, so he called her name. when she looked up to him, her eyes were red. she was no longer crying, more confused and upset. her cheeks flushed and he could see her teeth chattering. he wished nothing but to throw his fist at the man. finally, he got a reason to square up the stoic man; he always hates the way nothing could riled up akaashi.
“he’s stupid for doing you like this.”
she shook her head, “it’s nobody’s fault.”
“then stop blaming yourself,” he ruffled her hair, a small smile appeared from the corner of her lips as she watched him disappeared closing the door behind him. he left her with the hot water running, urgently grabbing the mop and bucket from the kitchen, and wiping the trail of her soaked feet has left before it could ruin the wooden floor.
cant come over, busy, ill tell u later
kuroo texted kenma. the pudding head left him on read.
they spend the night together, sitting on the floor with pillows pilling against the end of the bed as they sat in arms. he had his tv opened to one of the late-night game show. they sat in silence, her head rested on his shoulder and her lips pressed into a tiny line. at the corner of his eyes, he could see her phone’s notifications blaring despite being on mute. the number isn’t saved but it was familiar. she deleted his number already, probably out of rage, but it’s a good step.
tell me where you want me to drop your stuff im sorry i hope youre okay y/n? i heard it was storming did you make it back home? give me a call im calling you okay?
just as like what the message stated, the unknown number called her. it startled her which startled him too. she stared down on the screen, he noticed the grip on the phone and wondered how the phone did not break yet. “can you answer it for me?” she said, holding the phone out to the black-haired man. shocked, he took the phone and pressed the green button. he pressed the phone to his ear and heard her name being called.
“hey man,” kuroo cleared his throat, “listen-”
“she’s with you?” the voice- akaashi asked.
looking down on the girl who was pretending to not have any interest in the call at all, eyes focused on the gameshow, kuroo sighed.
“she is. listen, i think you should leave her alone.”
“kuroo, i know about your feelings. for her. bokuto-san told me about it. if you think that this is the proper way to get her when she’s vulne-”
kuroo bit the inside of his cheeks. he was offended that akaashi dared to call him out like that. “so, what? she made her pick,” the girl turned to face him, brows up wondering what they are talking about.
“that’s low, even for you, kuroo-san.”
their eyes met. he didn’t even realize how deep the cut on his palm where he had balled his fingers into a fist until she touched it. he calmed down. “you hurt her. you have no right to say what’s low or not. be a bigger man, leave her alone,” he muttered flatly, before ending the call. they didn’t break eye contact until he realized what he had done.
“i-i shouldn’t have done that.”
she shook her head, “stop blaming yourself,” a small smile on her face.
that was 3 months ago.
kuroo had made moving on easy for her. akaashi and her remained friendly, although kuroo noticed that she tended to avoid him when possible. the breakup was indeed mutual, but merely on the fact that he lost feelings. akaashi had fallen out of love with her and in love with some other girl but who was she to judge when she was falling in love with the rooster head in silence. they still hang out with bokuto and akaashi but rarely with the latter.
she made him apologized to the fukurodani’s setter too and they remained on friendly term, still practiced together whenever they have training camps together where akaashi had admitted one training night that kuroo and her looks better together. kuroo didn’t say anything, not that he knew what to reply to that (his mind scream fuck yeah we do) but shrugged at his statement. “i guess dating her made you less pain in the ass, kuroo-san,” akaashi joked as they resumed the game.
kuroo was pulled back to reality when he felt his lips brushed against something. his eyes widened when he realized what it was. a quick kiss from her. he blinked frantically, trying to comprehend what had just happened which caused the girl to laugh. “did you just?” he asked confused by what had just happened which she nodded. she bit her bottom lip to hold herself from bursting into a laugh. “god, you should see your face. it’s so stupid. and every girl called you the playboy captain huh?”
he huffed and rolled his eyes, “i am not. i’ve been loyal to one girl for many years now, she is the one who hasn’t notice me at all,” he faked his pout, refused to look her directly in the eyes, praying that she wouldn’t notice his reddening cheeks.
“she must’ve been so stupid,” she teased, her nose rubbing gently against his jawline as she rested her figure against his closer. his chin rested against her head.
“she is,” he looked down on her, his arms around her waist tighter, “i don’t think she knows this but if she leaves me, i think i’ll be so broken inside. is it selfish to say that?” a small frown appeared on her face.
“i don’t think she ever talked about leaving you.”
a grin grew on his face, “so you know who i’m talking about huh?” she fell into his trap. she rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out, calling him stupid. he studied her face, his grin softened into what yaku and his volleyball team called the kuroo is stupidly in love with y/n but refused to admit face. his fingers ran into her hair which she had been growing out in few months down to her shoulder because she thinks that he likes her better that way. the way she tried to subtly put on make up to look better that the other girls who’s shamelessly flirting with him. she was too stupid to realize that he had loved her beyond that.
he loves the rough pads on her hands from holding her paintbrushes and volleyball. he loves that she works hard for everything she’s doing be it studying, volleyball or arts, she would put her blood, sweat and tears into it. he loves that she would wait for him to buy lunch so they can eat together in class. he would buy her a box of milk which she insisted that she doesn’t need too; but he convinced it would be good for her. he wants the best for her.
he loves that all the missing clothes he’s complaining about is in the back of her closet or on her. his cream hoodie hanging behind her closet door, his random pile of t-shirts in a basket on the floor of her closet that he liked to left beside the mix pile of her shoes and his one big ass nike shoes. her room isn’t messy, it is because she kept the messiness in her closet. she also like to keep random stuff of him too. the one medal he won from a science fair hung on the headboard of her bed, the misshapen looking hand wax sculpture of their hands intertwined from a funfair where she rested a purikura of them on it and a lucky bamboo plant he gave on her birthday to compromise on the no gift rule.
“for luck,” he grinned.
unlike hers, he kept her item neatly in his drawer. your spare shirts that he borrowed and refused to return, extra towel and her toiletries, some of her drawing blocks and a small cat shaped pouch where she kept her allergies medication. mostly hidden because his annoying friends come over often and would accidentally talk about it in front of his grandparents. but, on his bedside table, he has a cup of pencils by the bed where he collected the art supplies she left behind, random markers and paintbrushes, a clay sculpture of a trinket plate she made from art club (she carved a tiny letter k in the corner beside the obvious looking genitalia drawing) and a fake plant which she was sure he will not be able to kill it.
he loves it when she wore his jersey. he lost his mind when he found out that her current season number is the same as his. he’s in love. the first time he saw her in his jersey, the number one jersey on her body was during their training. he lost concentration; mouth hung a bit. he got so flustered that he let lev served the ball straight to his head. usually, lev would be dead by now, but he doesn’t mind. his nose bled but to see her kneel beside him, clutching on his own shirt screaming how stupid he is, wiping the blood away with towel, he could only say how pretty she looked. all his teammates were startled, her included. she clutched on his collar angrily; her knees stung from when she leaped down to his side, but this idiot could only smile at her with a bloody nose. “you are fucking idiot,” she cried out angrily, pushing him away before throwing the towel on his face leaving the pleased third year laying on the floor.
he loves the way she would find a way to impress him, be it as ridiculous as the halloween costume idea she had where they’ll go as the front and end of a horse or as serious as the submitted college application to the same university he had gotten into. “you are not getting rid of me that easily, tetsu,” the evil look on her face as she clicked the submit button send shivers down his spine.
“if you leave, i think i’ll cry,” he confessed, his smile slowly died.
“kuroo tetsuro is going to cry after me?” she teased. he nodded eagerly. “does kuroo tetsuro realized that we are literally moving into the same university? i couldn’t catch a break from him,” she faked her annoyance which he playfully avenged by sending her on the floor laughing as he tickled her. tears trickled down her cheeks as she begged him to stop, screaming to get away from his grip. “please, kuroo, i’m going to pee if you don’t stop!” he obliged, tears prickled the corner of his own eyes from laughing too much. straddling her waist, he gathered her wrists in one hand over her head. “apologize and said that kuroo tetsuro is the best man in your life or i swear i’ll make you pee,” he threatened her playfully, wiggling the fingers of his free hand close to her waist. her eyes widened in fears.
“that’s not fair!”
“apologize first.”
“fine!” she pouted, “i’m sorry, i won’t make fun of you again. now get off me!”
he raised his eyebrow, “andddd?”
“annddd-” a teasing smile appeared on her face as she said the next 5 words that send him to mars and back; “i love you kuroo tetsuro.”
he froze in shock. he heard the words before but never in this way; never for him.
finally, i think i got the calculation, love you yaku! lev you’re adorable but so stupid, i love it! thank you for letting me borrow your game, kenma. you’re the best, love ya!
the grip on her wrists loosened. taking advantage of his shock state, she pushed him back, straddling him by the waist, pinning his own hands above his head, giving him the taste of his own medicine. “i’m not going to leave your sorry ass, tetsu. i hope you don’t regret it,” she leaned down, capturing his lips with a longer kiss. letting go of his wrist, her hand went immediately into his rooster hair while another cupped his cheek, deepening their kiss. she could feel his cold palm resting against her bare waist and she shuddered. between the kisses, he heard her whispering his name. “kuroo, do you love me too?” she asked so innocently with kisses between the words but the way she grabbed a handful of his hand in a fist felt so dirty, eliciting a strangled moan from the back of his throat. she pulled back, staring down on his eyes as his lips moved.
“i love you too.”
nothing in his hazel eye but sincerity. he groaned when she pulled herself out of his reach, missing her warm body as she laughed. straightening her sweater back, pulling her hair back up into a tighter ponytail before she picked up the paintbrush she dropped. the paintbrush left a white stain on the court. as if kuroo wasn’t here, whimpering underneath her a minute ago, she continued her work. “i need to finish the mural by this week and you’re not exactly helping me,” she warned him, pointing the wet brush his direction. through the corner of her eyes, he was propped on his elbows, still staring at her, causing her to blush profusely. it annoyed him that she would tease him, then leaving him high and dry. before she could crack open the new paint tin, he ignored her warning as he tackled her back into his arms.
breathless against her lips, he told her to continue later. the urgency and rawness of his voice made her putty immediately. looking up the man, she pouted her lips.
“kuroo-san,” she whined as he captured her bottom lips.
he elicited a soft moan from the girl. he grinned against her lips. a hand rested firmly beside her head while another snaked under the sweater. there will be bruise tomorrow, she was sure of it, he will make sure of it.
“it will be quick, baby. i promise.”
she has no objection.
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kimnjss · 4 years
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best friend | loy!smau
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⤑ series: less of you
⤑ pairing: fratboy!jimin + dancer!reader
⤑ genre: angst!!
⤑ rating: PG13.
⤑ word count: 3.9K
⤑ warnings: kinda sad idk.
⤑ chapter song: the knowing // the weeknd
⤑ A/N: another written chapter because this just would not!! work as a text part. read it and let me know what you think bc all im gonna say is... yall..... 
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DECEMBER 23RD, 2019 | 17:34
[17:34] she's my girlfriend: just to push it a few hours... or maybe rain check for tomorrow? promise to make it up to you.
“'We'll go to the place you like this time, hm?'” Jimin reads the thread of messages flooding his phone sent from you out loud. Back slouched against the couch, mind working a mile a minute to figure out what kind of emergency could Miju be having right now. And why were you always so willing to drop everything to be there for her.
Being bitter was the last thing that he wanted. Rocky roads with your best friend are something that takes a long while to sort out for girls, he could see that. Just hoped that you'd soon realize that something's gotta give. That he wouldn't always be so keen on letting Miju shift the plans that he made for the two of you.
All of this could definitely be fueled by the fact he's now pushing telling you what he should have a long while ago until the next time you were both free to spend time together. It won't be that bad, right?
[17:36] to – she's my girlfriend: yeah, baby. it's fine. if things clear up before late, let me know nd ill come pick you up.
The best he could do at this point, he'd just wait for you to have a free moment. He was done pushing this off, knew that speaking to you should've been at the top of his list since he found out about it. Would've been able to do it today if it wasn't for Miju. Would there ever be a time where he wasn't falling second to her?
“What's with the scowl on you face?” Yoongi's voice is breaking through Jimin's thoughts as he crosses the living room, entering the kitchen. He rummages through the cabinets before pulling down a box of cereal, head cocked to be able to see Jimin who's shifting his position on the couch.
“Yn canceled on me.” Saying it out loud made him feel shittier than he had been originally. What kind of boyfriend couldn't buck up when their girl had important matters to tend to? Got sulky because she needed to handle an emergency. At least she had the decency to text him about it, right?
You could've just stood him up.
Yoongi doesn't stop the snorted laughter that falls from his lips, shaking a large amount of cereal into an even larger bowl. He moves toward the fridge to fish out the half-finished carton of milk he hid behind Joonie's growing vegetable collection.
“What she finally get tired of you?” A lighthearted joke directed to his best friend that has Jimin's eyes rolling instantly. He rises to enter the kitchen where his friend had just sat at the island.
See? Why couldn't girls make up like this? Had, had his own dispute with Yoongi weeks ago and they were back on speaking terms – the normal way. No need for some serious sit down that wasted both of their time. Just the understanding of who was in the wrong and the changes that needed to be made to fix it. 
Girls were too emotional, always wanted to talk and talk about everything when really?? telling someone when they're being an asshole is the most effective form of friendship counseling in Jimin's opinion.
“Yeah, right. She's crazy about me.” Jimin gloats, reaching for the cereal box Yoongi had left out and pulling a handful out. “That girl had some type of emergency so she wanted to reschedule... help her sort it out,” He shrugs his shoulders, opening his palm to pick out the marshmallow pieces instead.
“Her friend? You mean Miju?” Nodding, Jimin drops the cardboard tasting pieces back into the box, dusting his hands off in front of him. “Wait. Miju told Yn that she had an emergency which made Yn cancel on you?”
With a short laugh and a roll of his eyes, Jimin is nodding again. “Yes, that's what I just said. You feeling alright, buddy?” He teases, not noticing the perplexed look on his best friend's face.
It takes a few short seconds for Yoongi to put the pieces together, eyes widening at his realization. There's no way she'd do anything like that, right? He had been talking to her for weeks and it seemed like she had given up on her whole 'catch them in the act' plan. But this wasn't catching them in the act, this was just... wrong?
And there was Jimin, no the wiser, picking marshmallow pieces out of the cereal box without a care in the world. He had to tell him. That's what any self-respecting best friend would do. Especially with the growing regret in the pit of his belly, the knowledge of the mistake he made with letting the information slip.
The last thing he thought Miju would do was try and ruin this for Yn. Had it set in his mind that if she was able to get through this maturely with his help then she'd start looking at him the way that he had hoped she would. Maybe he was wrong.
That was a conversation for later, though. Right now, he had to prepare Jimin for the shit storm that was coming. The shit storm that he had unintentionally caused when he refused to mind his business.
“I don't think Miju actually has an emergency...”
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DECEMBER 23RD, 2019 | 17:49
 With a quick tap to your thumb over the blue button, your promise to try and make it tonight was being sent to your boyfriend. Ooh, your boyfriend. Just thinking sent a flutter through your chest.
Your boyfriend. Jimin. Park Jimin was your boyfriend. Yours. And you were his. And finally, you were starting to feel comfortable with him. Despite everything. It was like nothing could put a damper on the shine in your heart.
Not even the walk up to Miju's front door, knowing the conversation you were about to have. The conversation that you were going to have to force onto her no matter how much she tried to fight it. You were done feeling guilty, you were done lying to her. Finally ready to just be at peace with Jimin and if she wanted to support you great, but if not?? too bad.
Definitely, Jeongguk speaking, but you were sticking to it. If she didn't want to support you, then too bad!
The front door is swinging open before you even have the chance to knock. Miju stands opposite of you, wearing a pair of frilly shorts and a tank top despite the chilly weather outside. She greets you with a large smile, waving you into her warm home while stepping out of the way for you to enter.
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DECEMBER 23RD, 2019 | 17:47
“You told her!?” Words can't describe how angry... how betrayed Jimin feels right now. Out of all the low things he could imagine someone he had referred to as a close friend doing to him? This had to be the lowest.
It wasn't a secret that he wasn't a huge fan of Miju, so why did Yoongi think that it would be a good idea to share his business with her? All because of his stupid crush? A crush that was pretty much one-sided at this point. The boy needed to open his eyes and realize that she was using him. For this exact purpose.
“Listen, I didn't think-” Yoongi starts, but Jimin is cutting his words. “Didn't think what? That she'd do something irrational with the information you've given her? Use what she knows as a way to hurt Yn, you didn't think she'd do that? And for what reason?”
Jimin was the most laid back in the house, what pissed him off pissed him off but he was never one to raise his voice. Always one to keep a level head in an argument, careful not to let words slip that might ruin things in the long run.
But right now and lately? It's like Yoongi has been testing his patience almost on purpose. For what? He had no clue, but he was starting to get tired of it. And it was starting to show.
Yoongi could see it. That he had royally fucked up. That Miju wasn't the person that he thought she was and it would take a lot more than just a few late night conversations to get her to see the error in her ways.
Her only focus was getting back at Yn for humiliating her and sleeping with Jimin. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. He was starting to see that now.
“I've been talking to her and she seemed-” Yoongi stops himself this time, the fact that he's been keeping quiet contact sort of a secret up until this point. Knew that it wouldn't sit well with his friends if they knew he was getting close to them who they all perceived to be the bad guy.
She never seemed all that bad to him, though.
“Jimin, be honest. Do you think she'd really go ahead and tell Yn? I mean, you guys were pretty fucked up for going behind her back – but do you really think she'd stoop that low?” Yoongi's words have Jimin's eyebrows lifting, hiding underneath his bangs.
What type of seed did that girl plant in his best friends head that had his mind all screwed up? Could he not see the blaring signs right in front of him? Was he just that against lying or was he really this pussy whipped?
Level headed, level headed. “Are you really trying to blame me right now?” He tries not to hiss his words but can't help the way they slip through his teeth. “Yes, Yn was wrong for lying about our relationship and I guess I was wrong for going along with it. But-,” 
Hit with a sudden headache, Jimin is stopping his words. Hands washing over his face as he paces around the kitchen. A sigh leaves Yoongi's lips, his butt sliding off of his seat to make his way over to his friend.
“Look, Jimin. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything,” It really had been an accident. He didn't agree with how Jimin was going about things, but he would never sell him out like that. They were best friends, it just came out. And he's telling him all of that, Jimin only half-listening past his racing thoughts.
Desperately trying to figure out how he was going to fix the mess that was being made right now as they stood here talking. “I need to call her,” Rushing to find his phone, Jimin is quick to scroll through his messages to find your contact.
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DECEMBER 23RD, 2019 | 17:52
“You came fast,” Miju notes with a smile, watching as you loosen the belt of your light coat, pulling it from your shoulders. It falls heavy on the couch with the added weight from your phone in the pocket. “Yeah, you said it was an emergency.” You nod, taking a moment to peak around for any 'emergency signs'.
The air is tense, tight. Suffocating in a way. There's this awkward silence looming over the two of you as she stands there staring with those big accusing eyes of hers. Clearing your throat, you reach your hand up to push your hair back. 
“What's the emergency?” You wonder, generally curious what had her texting you 911 when everything seemed fine? 
The usual pout that she wears settles on her lips, eyebrows furrowing slightly to add to the whole look. “It's in the kitchen.” She turns without another word, leading you out of the living room and into the kitchen.
And you follow behind her, eyes landing on the mess littering the kitchen counter. “I have nobody to make everything but the kitchen sink cookies with me.” Her arms spread out at all the different ingredients she has laid out, peaking over her shoulder to shoot a large smile in your direction.
“We use to make these all the time when we were younger, remember? And this morning I woke up craving them, which is so weird because I never crave sweets.” She's moved to the other side of the counter, picking up the half beaten bowl of batter she left out. “And who better to share these treats with than my best friend, right?” She smiles, but there's something else written in it. 
You don't have a second to analyze it because she's waving you over with a wooden spoon, handing you the utensil once you're close enough.
“Was this really it? I had plans tonight...” Despite the disappointment in your tone, you're still taking the spoon from her hand, reaching for the bowl that she had kindly set out for you.
Miju's ears perk at the mention of your plans, wondering if you'd actually let it slip what you had intended to be doing tonight. “Plans? Who with?” She asked, feigning curiosity, although she knew all the answers to her questions.
“Just plans. And when you said emergency, I didn't imagine you meant baking cookies?” Not paying much attention to your words, Miju busies herself with reaching for the sugar, measuring some out into her bowl.
“It's not about the cookies, it's about our friendship, Yn.” Her attention quickly shifts to you, pinning you with that 'duh' expression that she likes to pull when it seemed like people just weren't getting it.
Your friendship. Right. So right now is as good as time as any. If she had been thinking about your friendship recently, then she'd maybe take the news well, right? Not blow it out of proportion once you're able to give her all the details, remind her how much you thought about your friendship the entire time. How hard it made things for you. Jimin. And that you were done lying and sneaking around, that you were ready to come clean to her. For the sake of your friendship.
“Actually, it's funny you say that, because-”
Her words overlap yours in panicked haste, bowl clambering onto the counter, the large spoon falling suit. “And I've been really sad, lately!” As expected, she's hitting you with a large pair of sad eyes, paired with a pouted lip. She doesn't wait for you to ask what's wrong, she doesn't need to. Know that you'd listen despite the fact you were literally in the middle of a sentence.
“I know we haven't really been talking to each other, about boys and stuff... but I found out earlier that.” She pauses, reaches to push the loose strands out of her face. “Jimin is moving... to New York! And things have been so weird?? with him lately. I'm just- I can't believe he's leaving.” There's a whine in her voice, paired with a stomped foot.
But your mind is so far from whatever fit she's throwing. Eyes blinking slowly as you try to register the words that had just come out of her mouth. Jimin was leaving? Like moving, leaving? Packing up and going to New York... and he didn't tell you?
No way he wouldn't tell you something huge like this. No way he'd leave you clueless for God knows how long until you're finding out in your best friend's messy kitchen in the midst of making cookies. No way he'd do that.
“Jimin's leaving? How do you know that?” She must've got the wrong information, overheard it wrong. Jimin wasn't leaving. He wouldn't just leave and not say a word to you about it.
She's raising her shoulder in a slight shrug, eyes focused on the thickening cookie batter. “Yoongi told me.” Yoongi? As in Jimin's best friend? So if he was saying it then it had to be true, right?
“Yoongi told you? Or you just heard it?”
Miju's sucking her teeth at your pestering, facing you to get a good look at your face. Taking in the distraught crinkle of your brow, the frown on your lips, the widening of your eyes. “He told me. Jimin is moving to New York. Next semester.” She repeats, slowly just in case you couldn't hear.
Her brow furrows in mock confusion, head tilting to the side slightly. “Why do you look like that? Does Jimin moving mean anything to you?” She lets out a laugh to add to her facade. “I should be the one frowning. I mean, it's my crush moving six thousand eight hundred and sixty-three miles away. I looked it up.”
Miju doesn't take her eyes away from your face, lifting her hand to suck the batter from her thumb. You can only imagine how you look right now, could literally feel your heart shattering in your chest at the thought of Jimin being so far away.
Being so far away and not telling you about it. There was no telling the way it showed on your face right now. “You're getting really worked up over a guy that you're not even interested in, Yn.” She pushes, dropping her spoon again to set her hands on her hips, looking at you expectantly.
Jimin was leaving and he didn't tell you. He kept it from you. He lied to you. The two of you didn't lie to each other. Maybe to other people together, but never to each other. And here was Miju, staring at you – enjoying this all too much. She knew, didn't she?
That's why she had invited you over. That's why she made up this whole stupid cookie emergency. What? Did she want to rub it in your face? 'You may have stolen my crush but he's been lying to you this entire time'. Well, she won.
“Are you mad? That's so weird. You're mad?” She continues and you can feel your blood boiling just from the sound of her voice.
Droning on in your ear as if she had no end. Asking if you were mad, wondering why you would be mad about someone that you had no involvement with whatsoever moving away. Why would you even have an opinion on the matter whatsoever? It's not like you're the one that's in the love with him – and that's where you snap.
“God quit it! Alright!? I'm with Jimin, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? He's my boyfriend. Happy?” Voice much louder than you had intended it to be and you see her flinch from the way you're yelling at her.
Yet, you can't stop yourself. Can't find it in you to use your inside voice. “Is that why you called this whole fake emergency? Not two fucks given about 'saving our friendship', or whatever bullshit you made up. Just wanted a chance to get back at me?” 
“You've been lying to me for weeks, yn! And you're supposed to be my best friend!? Best friends don't lie to each other.” You don't bother to mask the bitter laugh that falls from your lips.
Best friend. Best friend. The way she threw the word around as if it meant nothing. Treated it like it meant nothing. Just a label. Only close because you lived that way, but all the other best friend elements? Zero to none. The way she went out of your way to do all of this just proved it, more than anything.
“Are you supposed to be mine? Have you ever stopped to think why I felt like I had to hide this from you, huh? Or did you even think about how much it was killing me knowing how badly this would hurt you? Because that's the last thing that I wanted to do.” You're not yelling anymore, voice oddly level. And it's more off-putting than the sound of your shout.
“And I bet you thought I jumped at the chance to be with him, huh? Did you think for a second that I tried to fight my feelings for in, for your sake, and couldn't? Fuck all of that, right? Why would you have to worry about that, it's not like it matters, right? No, fuck the fact that I've actually fallen in love with the guy – which is much more serious than a stupid crush, might I add. Fuck all of that, because it makes you unhappy, right?”
There's more at the tip of your tongue, so much more than you've been holding back for the past seventeen years. Things that you didn't even think had bothered you before, but it's like the list keeps going on and on. You want to lay it all out, but your head is such a mess and it feels like everything is slipping all at once.
Tightness growing in your chest and spreading to your cheeks, eyes feeling heavy like they always do before you start crying. Sad about Jimin. This stupid friendship that you wanted so badly to save. Realizing that you had been the only one that cared that much.
“You don't love him. You were just trying to take him away from me like you always do...” Her words have your eyes bulging out of your head, jaw-dropping in disbelief. This girl really didn't quit, huh?
“What?” You try because maybe you didn't hear her right. Maybe she didn't disregard all of what you had managed to get out, focusing on the one bit that had absolutely nothing to do with her. “Name one thing that I've ever taken from you, Miju. Because how I remember it I've been bending over backward just to keep you from falling apart.”
She scoffs, rolls her big eyes before answering. “Yeah, exactly. You were always looking down on me. 'Ooh, poor little girl can't take care of herself, let me swoop in'. Always two steps behind me all the time, making sure nothing happens, protecting me when I never asked you to!”
“You're mad because I looked out for you?” Disbelief is evident in your tone. Slightly convinced that she might be joking, because if she was really mad about something like that then she should've learned to hold herself up a long time ago.
Not made it seem like she was so needy all the time, acting helpless until you were forced to swoop in and fix everything. Like you always did. Without a moment of hesitation, but not anymore. Way past over it. Over the worrying. Over this fight. Over this conversation. Over her.
“I can't do this,” You're deciding with a shake of your head, a defeated raise of your arms. “I can't even be around your right now.” You're turning to leave the kitchen, scooping up your jacket discarded earlier.
Miju is hot on your trail, flops hitting against the hardwood as she moves to catch up with you. “Wait. Where are you going?” You don't say anything as you pull your jacket back on, her being the least of your worries at this point.
There were more important things than this childish back and forth with her. You had tried to tell her, the right way – maturely. She didn't want that, and instead came up with this whole plan to do what exactly? Hurt you as you had done to her? Make you feel humiliated? Great, she did it.
Got her way like she always did, you just couldn't bring yourself to care like you always do. “I'm going to see my boyfriend.” Eyes piercing as you lift your gaze to her, tightening the bow on your coat before turning and exiting her house.
Letting the door slam behind you without bothering to look back. 
PART TWO OUT TOMORROW!
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– girl code rule #1: never, ever, under any circumstances fall for your best friend’s crush. but what happens when your best friend’s crush checks all the boxes of your ideal guy… and to make matters worse… he’s crazy about you too.
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A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. to be added to the taglist, send me an ask !! feedback is highly !! appreciated, it’s the motivation i need to keep the fic going nd fun for you guys!!<33
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youranxiousnerd · 3 years
Text
Spring Break Thoughts
bc i want to get stuck in an airport and break into first class
spoilers below
EJ DOING THE INTRO
the most...profound intro?
“maybe it’s really about other people” looks at gina
i have jumped on the portwell train
when i first saw they were doing zoom backgrounds i was not on board, but they’ve grown on me carlos’ sucks
miss jenn and the zoom backgrounds
NI NI HEL LO
nini didn’t you get cut?
you know miss jenn they could get together out side of school (at least the kids who are here)
olivia is so pretty
aww carlos called miss jenn his madrina
HA I KNEW IT OF COURSE CARLOS INVITED SEB
seblos tension, ill get to that later
they’re so passive aggressive guys i love it
ASH AND EJ
CASWELL COUSINS YESSS
“You guys are watching like, old, old movies”
“This is why we’re soulmates” the redyln goal has been reached bye
this...this is the only line they get?
miss jenn has obviously not gotten the memo
three weeks and you havent blocked act two
“not it”
of course sebby is the last one to leave
“bye” awww miss jenn
GINA THAT LITTLE GIG YESSSS
just one complement after another ej
AHHHH EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YESSSSS
he looks so good ej should do it more often
ej fell hard guys
jack in the background doing tik toks i cant
gina and signs
RICKY IN A BLANKET
ugh its lynne
i dont care enough to spell her name right
“just being a burrito here”
bitter ricky, i feel ya
“I’m sorry to hear that’s it over” *smiles*
nini you should have just posted a video
ope empty notebook
awww ej’s insta
gina and jack
thats it
“she changed her name” nina is literally her real name 
the leg pull away
ricky and bedding is my new favorite ship besides therapy
“Your boy Jack”
when i first saw the promo for this nini scene i was worried it was gonna be another solo (shes had like 16)
I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE A RAINBOW HEART
my gay heart is bursting
nina really said “rainbows are awesome” this episode
and the necklace is off
guys i love improv scenes
it was so goood
soooo howie and kourt just get no closure after that killer song last week? no nothing? 
BAHAHAHA KOURTNEY BREAKING UP
i love kourtney
sofia is so pretty
okay i dont ship jack and gina but they’re fun together, little chaos demons
THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT AHHHH
“my friends, like, my castmates, they think it sucks what you did on opening night”
good talk, long overdo. nothing is solved by any means but little steps
the therapy line omfg 
“HI, CUPCAKE”
“I’ll meet you in the pool” there is an ocean right behind you
 “Don’t ask me”
“Ashlyn, Big Red, Miss. Jenn, Carlos”
the way seb’s face just DROPS when he mentions carlos
“Are you guys fighting” big red looked so happy omfg
“That would imply that we’re speaking”
“Who has time to talk when you’re busy posting selfies with random guys in a cabana”
guys i had to pause for five minutes because i was dying
jealous seb... where did you come from?
ALRIGHT IT IS TIME TO TALK ABOUT SEBLOS!!!!
first off, it seems the writers love to make major seblos things happen off screen. examples include there pinning and officially getting together
where... where did all this tension come from? it has been light the past two episodes then bam, everything they say to each other is bitter. since when is seb jealous? the writers have so many other conflicts to talk about and they choose jealous seb? off all thing?!?! im honestly kind of disappointed because there are so many other things to talk about from previous episodes and instead they choose this?!?!?! hopefully this isn’t the only thing that is addressed next week, it cant be. they better talk about the constant “no seb” because its an issue. 
moral of the story is i hope the fight next episode isn’t about seb being jealous bc there is so much more to talk about
i am loving passive aggressive seb like i hope that doesn’t go away when their conflict is resolved bc it’s awesome
HERE are my thoughts on the zoom call
okay seb’s line about doing public makes sense with the full episode
everyone on the call is just like “wtf happened to my otp”
EJJJJ
EJJJJ I LOVE YOU
THE BEST EJ SCENE 
“Hi Nini!” ejjjj
you have to watch the scene twice, one to watch nini and ashlyn and another for ej
EJ AND THE PUPPET THATS IT IM DONE
sassy gina i love her
guys i just love everybody
ASHLYN AND NINI I MISSED THIS DUO GAHHHHHH THEY’RE ADORABLE
ej is a child i love it
ricky i feel you with the songwriting
look at big red being best friend of the year now give him a plot line
i am under the impression jack recorded gina 
SHIT THE CANDLE TO LAMP TRANSITION YESSSSS
i love transitions and that was it
matt is ripped
julia lester showed up this season. queen shit 
she is perfect
YES BIG RED AND KOURTNEY DANCING I WANT MOREEEE
i am so confused with seb’s gloves
that has been bugging me for two days 
carlos has more style then a hawaiian shirt and khakis
im in heaven the harmonies are soooo good
they are amazing they sound so good
you can hear all there voices
julia popped off
aint seen nothin is really good, i wasn’t sure about it at first but its grown. they sound so damn good the talent they hold. not the best song but its fun
the video actually looks better than i thought it would
“Wow” me too richard
jack is fun, i’d be okay if he comes back. he is a little chaos demon.
i like how the writers didn’t make them romantic (for once), hopefully gina got his number bc i would
i want to be stuck at an airport with jack
“let you go” is genius. so far the best original song this season. josh has been killing it lately. this is the ballad ricky deserves. lyrical genius. he sounds sooo good.
the one time i agree with lynne
EJ YOU CAMEEEEEE
OMFG THEY’RE ADORABLE
PORTWELLLLLLL BABY WHOOOP
HE IS GONNA TREAT YOU SO GOOD GINA 
HE BROUGHT YOU FOOD AND TOOK YOUR BAG 
GAHHHHHH 
nOoOoOoOo thats it?!?! i cannot wait a week i refuse
i normally don’t talk about promos but episode 10 (im a sucker for sleepover episodes) is my most anticipated episode so we gonna do it. 
for starters ricky has a guitar, so he might sing?
AWW THE SETS THEY ARE SO PRETTY
ooo lily is back?
blueprint?
ashlyn and ricky where have you been?!?!
seb and the girls yesss
since in a heartbeat is next episode seb probably leaves? i hope it is a private moment
oh please talk about your other issues pleaseee
“why did i never hear about this?” nina no, it was an accident alright?
gina and nini haven’t interacted this season and the first thing they do is fight.
lets hope there “beef” doesn’t take the a slot 
maybe another seblos kiss?
did you know i love seblos
i have stocked up my tears for next week
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plounce · 3 years
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what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS
(info on this au under the cut)
theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels
magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick
demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine
demeter:
bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old
semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams
dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that
very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust
currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts
her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching
she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff
bombalurina:
bisexual. 24 years old
got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now
she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash
literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done
has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red
a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath
i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!
my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.
demelurina:
bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”
they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else
demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off
(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)
bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart
munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details
she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes
bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.
this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)
but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep
she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward
bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)
demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???
cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:
1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser
2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.
so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no
meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...
you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..
eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)
and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”
and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”
anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)
tugger:
bisexual. 22 years old
dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to
he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped
trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies
trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing
it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it
he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!
to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot
they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious
he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally
he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced
demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.
she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter
mistoffelees:
gay. 20 years old
has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept
a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak
he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective
side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant
sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.
doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.
tuggoffelees:
the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit
the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”
idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”
after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”
tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...
mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets
they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”
just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests
i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away
mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight
i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”
they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces
yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out
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burnedbyshoto · 4 years
Note
Hi! I’m not sure if your ask box is still open or not, but I was wondering if I could make a request. I would appreciate if you wrote a head canon with Kaminari, Bakugou, and Kirishima with a girlfriend that pulled a prank on them. There’s a TicTock prank going around where girls would record their boyfriend’s reaction to a fake audio of a guy face timing them saying, “Ah Shottie is your boyfriend still around?”. I just thought it would be hilarious to see their reaction.
i couldn’t resist, fuck. original anon later asked for shouto’s reaction too, and if you havent seen it yet, this is the tiktok reference. tfw you need to be writing smut and packing and not this crack shit ugh
bakugou, kirishima, kaminari, todoroki x reader
warnings: well, cursing, jealousy, and uh smuttish because im a whore
bakugou katsuki
— the reason why you decide to use this sound with your boyfriend is because -- to put it kindly -- he gets distracted. he’s forever on the go, a one mind track sorta guy, and while you admire it, it does tend to interrupt things or have you put as second best
— which you really don’t mind for the most part but sometimes you need attention
— so after a failed attempt of getting bakugou’s attention while he’s threatening to end sero’s life because he’s trying to see if he hangs off the edge of his tape over a blazing fire he would survive
— but it’s four hours into this convo so youre done
— pulling up the audio, you play it: “aye shawty, is your boyfriend around?”
— his entire spine slams straight from his position a few scoots over from you
— you don’t even have time to gage his reaction because he’s suddenly on you, ripping your phone from your grip mouth raging, teeth bared, veins flaring. but of course, its just a video
— his eyes go wide when you sees your awkwardly giggling form, and you swear you see steam emitting from his ears
— “so you’re fucking other men?” he’ll growl dropping your phone by your leg. “ill teach you what fucking happens when you have dumb extras on your mind.”
kirishima eijirou
— now you would do this on kirishima solely for the prank aspect, not really to get his attention, but just to see how he reacts
— but you lowkey wish you didn’t the second that the audio plays
— this baby is going to snap his head towards you with the biggest pair of doe eyes you’ve ever seen, his teeth tugging at his lip because fuck that means he’s not being a good enough man for you -- he’s not manly enough to take care of you correctly
— immediately you scream that it’s a prank
— jump on his lap, play the audio over and over again, show him your call logs, show him the different videos using the same audio until he’s positive that it really is just a prank
— his arms will wrap around your waist finally, his nose buried into your neck while he breathes in your scent
— “for a second there, I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, y/n... I hope that if that’s ever the case you’ll let me know. I’m supposed to be a good boyfriend, and it’s not manly of me if you’re not happy.”
— you take his face in your hand, love and guilt burning into your skin
— “you know that I love you ei, so fucking much, and trust me, you’re the manliest man I know!”
— seal it with a sweet kiss because you really did him dirty
kaminari denki
— you already know why you pulling this audio out on him: you’re bitter that he’s playing video games, and while you normally can find yourself curled on his lap because he definitely lets you sit there when he plays, you want more attention than this
— so three hours after him saying “just five more minutes, I promise, babe” you think that your patience is fairly spent
— tapping your fingers against your phone you call for him one more time wanting him to come over, but still, he doesn’t
— so without a doubt of hesitation you play the audio
— he doesn’t react until the very last line
— and oh god, you’ve never seen kaminari move that fast
— the headphones on his ears are ripped off, his body tackling yours on the bed demanding for the man to “identify” himself. but of course there is no response, just a confused look on his face, and an annoyed pout on your face
— “what the hell, babe?!” kaminari asks obviously confused by the entire ordeal
— “its been three hours,” you snap, your eyes trying to remain cold, but your desperation for attention is easily beating you
— a sly smirk falls on his face when he presses his nose against yours, “and does my love need attention?”
— “obviously,” you practically spit, slamming your mouth against his
todoroki shouto
— the two of you were just laying about, it was still the initial part of your relationship and you were stupidly curious as to how shouto would act with jealousy.
— while not emotionless, he’s definitely no emotionally bastard, so one day when he’s laying against your stomach, mindlessly scrolling through his phone, you play the audio
— now, you weren’t sure what to expect, but you definitely didn’t expect to see his eyes snap on you, silent, daring, and murky with bitter anger
— he will push your phone from your hand and press his lips against yours into quite the vigorous kiss that leaves your lips red and bruised
— turning his attention from your gapping jaw to your phone he freezes just as you are frozen from his passionate kiss to the frozen screen showing the obvious prank
— you can see the tip of his ears turn red when he stays still, unable to face you it seems
— “was that a--” he says slowly, his ears gradually darkening in color
— “yeah,” you breath, tugging him back down for the same fiery intense kiss, your body demanding more from him, and slowly, with whispers of encouragement, he’ll provide
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jimlingss · 4 years
Text
Sugar and Coffee [5]
Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 5.5 OR Chapter 6
➜ Words: 4.2k
➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU
➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.
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Life won’t give you a break.   The moment midterms are complete, you have to begin preparing for finals. While the urge to bury yourself underneath your covers and pull the blanket over your head has lessened, you still don’t want to venture out into the world. But there’s no way to resist the inevitable. You can’t let your schooling go down the drain — it’s the only thing you’ve got going for yourself after all.   5:49 pm. Jungkook: where u at bitch?   5:50 pm. Y/N: im on the toilet asshole 5:50 pm. Y/N: call me a bitch again and ill kill you   5:50 pm. Jungkook: Gross tmi 5:52 pm. Jungkook: can i ask you for a favour tho pls   You wash your hands after wiping, flushing and pulling up your pants.    5:54pm. Jungkook: dont leave me on read   5:55 pm. Y/N: clingy much 5:55 pm. Y/N: the hell do you want from me   5:55 pm. Jungkook: lovely as usual 5:56 pm. Jungkook: I need the notes for comm 209   You scoff as you re-read the message. He has some audacity asking for your notes for a class he skipped on a Friday afternoon, probably to hang out with his friends instead. But before you tell him to gladly ‘fuck off’, you’re stopped by an idea. He needs something from you and there’s something you need from him.   Now’s the perfect opportunity.   “Tempering chocolate?”   “Yeah. You want to be a Master Chocolatier, right? This is a great opportunity to teach someone how to do it. They say you know your stuff when you can teach others.”   Jungkook rolls his eyes at your shamelessness and how you’re trying to milk him to your advantage. “Somehow I think this far outweighs the favour of me getting your notes.”   “Do you want to help me or not?”   “Do I want to?” He looks unsure but gives in to your will anyways, or at least he's curious enough to hear your troubles. “What’s your issue with tempering chocolate?”   “It just doesn’t temper right. There’s no snap or shine to it.”   “Do you measure the temperature with a kitchen thermometer?”   “Well obviously, Jeon. Noooo,” you pull out the syllable, voice dripping of sarcasm. “I dip my hand in to tell. Duh! Are you an idiot? What do you think?!”    At once, Jungkook’s expression washes over, becoming impassive. He spins around on his heel to walk out the door, but you grab onto his sleeve desperately.   “I’m kidding. It’s a joke. Sorry. Help me?”   He shifts around to look at you. You’re busy batting your lashes with those eyes of yours, trying to appeal to him — it disgusts Jungkook instead. It makes him feel sick to his stomach that you’re trying to act cute when you’re obviously a brat in disguise.    Yet somehow he finds himself in the kitchen on a late Tuesday night anyhow, despite having class early in the morning the next day.   “What method do you use?” Jungkook asks with crossed arms as you pull out the right materials, silver bowls, chocolate, thermometers, and a cooking pot.   “Which is easier?”   “They’re all the same,” he deadpans.   Jungkook’s arrogance irritates you but you’re not about to insult him and have him running out of the kitchen, so you restrain yourself and start with the seeding method. You chop the solid chocolate you have into smaller pieces while he watches you in boredom. After a minute, Jungkook pulls out his phone and scrolls through his social media so he can mentally stimulate himself and not have his brain cells dying on themselves.   “Only three quarters of it goes into the bowl to be melted,” he says without looking up. If he did, it would occur to him that you’ve already got it prepared and on top of the double boiler too.   “I know.”   “Do you want me to help or not?”   “When I ask for it.”   Jungkook’s eyes flicker up. “Well didn’t you ask for my help?”   “Not now, Jeon.” You sigh. It was quite profound how quickly the bastard could get under your skin for doing so little. “God, you can be so fucking—”   He suddenly puts his hand up to silence you and he sniffs with that big fucking nose of his. “Why do I smell burning?”   Jungkook looks over to your pot on the stove and notices it steaming oddly. You follow his line of sight and take your bowl off, hissing at how hot it is. “Careful,” he scolds and looks over. Jungkook nearly facepalms himself into a coma. “Oh my god, you forgot to add water into the double boiler?!”   “It’s because you were distracting me!” you shout at him and run over to the sink to add it in. The water begins burning as it hits the hot double boiler, sizzling and smoking even more. Jungkook groans. “You’re supposed to help me, not look at your phone! Maybe I would’ve realized if you actually paid any attention!”   “Fine, fine.”   You add an inch of water to the double boiler. It’s an improvement.   But then as it begins to steam properly with the candy thermometer in the chocolate as you agitate it with a spatula, you look down and your blood runs cold. “Oh shit.”   “What?” Jungkook sighs. Frankly, it’s impressive you’ve made it this far into the program. He didn’t know you were such an idiot in the kitchen — you might as well burn the whole place down and he wouldn’t be surprised. “How’d you manage that?”    You rush to grab a paper towel, trying to dab the water that got into the bowl. But Jungkook clicks his tongue. “Don’t bother. You have to start again. If you get water into the chocolate, it makes it seize and becomes unstable.”   “How do you know that?!”   “Do you even read your textbook?” He is appalled and you pull out the cutting board to chop chocolate all over again, starting from the beginning. Jungkook sighs, spinning around his stool as you repeat the steps and put the chocolate over the heat. “You know what the temperature needs to be, right?”   “A hundred fifteen. I’m not an idiot.”   “I don’t know about that,” he chimes. “You forgot to add water to a double boiler.”   Your arm drops to the side, putting the spatula down. “Okay, fuck you. I haven’t seen you actually give me good advice or anything. I asked for your help, not for you to berate me.”   “What advice do you need?” His brow cocks upwards. “It’s pretty self-explanatory. Just follow the procedure and you’ve got yourself tempered chocolate!”   “I can’t believe I thought you could ever teach me!” you hiss at him. “You’re a condescending asshole.”   “Excuse me? Guess who’s with you on a Tuesday night?! I’m an angel for helping you!”   “No one asked you to!” you scream back at the top of your lungs.   Jungkook scoffs. Any other time where he wasn’t being attacked, he’d recognize that you were returning to your former self, but he still doesn’t appreciate your brattiness. “Are you kidding m— God! What’s burning now?!” Him and that giant nose of his inhales and a delayed moment later, it hits you too. The both of you whirl around to where the chocolate is burning. “You forgot to stir!”   “It’s not like you reminded me to! You’re a distraction!”   It’s excruciating. Jungkook has a feeling he’s going to be here all night, so he helps you speed up the process. While you clean up the mess, he chops more chocolate. And this time, you both manage to get it in the bowl, stirring, without anything burning whatsoever.   The chocolate goes to a hundred fifteen degrees before you remove it from the heat and add the rest of the chocolate you reserved on the side. The temperature is brought down to eighty six degrees and then you put it back on the boiler to melt it all at ninety degrees.    A strip test is done, a streak of chocolate made on parchment. And for a whole two minutes, you wait for it to set. But it doesn’t.   “What the hell…?”   Jungkook is genuinely perplexed and finally, he gets what you’ve been talking about. “See? It just doesn’t work!”   He shakes his head, refusing to admit defeat. “It must’ve increased in heat before we added the other chocolate in. Let’s try again.”   The pair of you chop chocolate across from each other, silent in your determination. But when you glance up, you see Jungkook’s brows furrowed, thoughts probably lost. You don’t see him serious often — well you do, but you never paid much attention to him before. Not like now.   The process is repeated. The chocolate is melted to a hundred fifteen degrees and then decreased down to eighty six as you add in the loose chocolate, and then it’s brought back up again….    But then the temperature begins climbing — faster than you and Jungkook can react. “Fuck, fuck.”   The two of you help each other take the bowl off the pot in urgency and then press your burning fingers to your ears before running it under cold water. “It went to a hundred? Do you think it’ll be okay?”   “I don’t know. We have to test it.”   The strip test is done, but the chocolate never sets. It stays wet. Dull.    “Mother fuc—”   “We’ll try again,” Jungkook reassures you with a hand on your shoulder.   It’s painful having to re-doing everything and going way later into the night than you initially intended. You feel like you’re being driven crazy, but you’re glad Jungkook’s here with you — you know you’re not going insane alone.   You look back at your textbook and your notes, making sure you’re doing it right and you hope for the best in the next batch.   “It set….but it’s so streaky.” You look up at Jungkook who’s an inch away. He hums and leans down to get a closer look.   “It’s bloom. The lipids moved through the cracks of the chocolate.”   “You think it’s because the kitchen’s too hot?”   “Yeah, we should try to put it in the fridge to cool.”   One last attempt is made. It takes twenty more minutes and then it’s put in the fridge. But after the chocolate sets, there’s no shine or snap.   Jungkook finds slumped on the floor, spooning chocolate, one of the failed attempts, into your mouth. You’re hugging the silver bowl in your lap like it’s your anchor. “I give up.”    It feels like you’ve gone through a thousand batches. The kitchen is an absolute mess — spatulas and tasting spoons littered on the counter, double bowlers and bowls, wasted chocolate everywhere. There’s a sink-full to wash and that alone makes you want to cry.   You slurp up more chocolate in an attempt to feel better. “Fuck chocolate.” But why does it have to taste so delicious?   “I don’t understand why it’s so hard,” Jungkook admits with a frown. It just doesn’t seem to work with you. “It’s not rocket science. It was fine when I did it.”   “Fuck you. You’re not supposed to boast. You’re supposed to help me.”   “Was the last two and a half hours not helping you?” he questions. “You just have to watch your temperatures and keep practicing.”   “That’s helpful.”   “Hey, I’m trying.”   Jungkook pisses you off. Everything comes so easy for him. As chocolate destroys you, he’s out here wanting to be a chocolatier. But maybe it suits him — chocolate’s an asshole and so is he.   “I’d like to see you try to caramelize sugar as well as I can, or better yet, pipe flowers.”   The boy scoffs, looking down at you and your patheticness. You don’t even realize you have chocolate all over your mouth. “That’s easy.”   “I worked at a cupcake shop for three summers.” You stand up on your feet, facing him head on. “You think you can beat me in piping flowers?”   “I think I can do better than you can temper chocolate.” Jungkook smirks arrogantly, enough to push you off the edge.   “Let’s bet on it then!”   “Fine. How much?”   You have a better idea than money. “Loser has to cover for the winner during the internship in May. Whenever the winner goes on break or makes a mistake.”   He scoffs. It’s a big wager but it sounds delightful when he knows you’re going down. “Deal.”   //   It’s a busy Thursday, but that doesn’t stop any of you. Even after a long day of classes, sitting in lecture halls listening to theory to working in the kitchens, you find yourselves a spare kitchen space afterwards to finally put this all to rest.   You won’t tell Jungkook that you practiced all of yesterday by yourself and actually got it to work once — you nearly started to cry out of happiness when the chocolate tempered.   “You want me to make this?”   Jungkook looks at the picture on your phone. “Yep. I made it last summer using buttercream. They’re peonies. Why? Think it’s too hard?”   He scoffs. “As if. Watch, I’ll make it better than you did.”   “Uh-huh. Keep talking, Jeon.”   Jungkook eagerly takes on your challenge.    While you take up half the kitchen, he manages the other half, and the two of you share the center island together. You get your double boiler ready, chopping up chocolate to melt while Jungkook mixes butter, vanilla, confectioner's sugar, and milk together. The fucker doesn’t even use a hand mixer. He simply uses a spoon to make it, blatantly showing off as his veins in his forearm pop. He smirks when he notices you staring and you roll your eyes.   Jungkook makes a variety of colours, pastel pinks and baby blues, and puts them into the piping bag as you stir the chocolate over the heat.   You focus on the numbers on your thermometer, but out of the corner of your eye, you watch him.   He cuts squares of parchment, puts one on a flower stand, adds a small cone of thick buttercream to the paper, and then picks his tip. You muse that he must’ve been doing his studying when he chooses a one twenty seven tip. It’s a straight teardrop shape, and he squeezes while turning the nail wide ends towards the center, narrow end outwards.   But he sighs after a moment, hands halting.   It’s your turn to smirk.   “Not so easy, is it?”   His eyes flicker up to glare at you. “Keep a watch on that chocolate before you burn it again, brat.”   You scoff, continuing to stir. You keep your heat low so the temperature climbs slowly.   In the meanwhile, Jungkook switches his tip out for a one twenty and tries again. You take a glance, and it’s not too bad — still sloppier than yours and he knows it too.   After a moment of frustration, he switches to a one twenty two.   “You should check the consistency of that buttercream,” you sing-song. “Can’t be too stiff or soft.”   “I’m fully aware.”   “Are you?” You smile at him, mockingly so. “Just making sure.”   Jeon Jungkook doesn’t appreciate you provoking him, but realizes it’s similar to how he treated you. It’s not his fault his forte isn’t in teaching. And yours clearly isn’t either.   “A one twenty five?” You scoff. “Are you trying to make a rose or a peony?”   Jungkook’s smile is stiff. “What do you suggest I use then?”   “Go back to the one twenty seven tip or pick a curved teardrop shape. Also, you’re squeezing too hard too fast, muscle pig.”   “I know something else I squeeze too hard too fast,” he mutters as he follows your instructions.   “Go fuck yourself, Jeon.”   “Didn’t need to spell it out, sweetheart, but that’s exactly what I do every night.” He smirks and you roll your eyes again.   “God, you’re going to make me throw up all over my chocolate.” You take it off the heat once it reaches a hundred fifteen degrees, putting the rest of your chocolate in and mixing. You have a good feeling about this batch. Even if it’s your first try of the day too.   Usually you’d rush, get too impatient, but it’s entertaining to see Jungkook struggle. Time goes by faster.   You mix in your chocolate, bringing the temperature back up again, and you do a strip test when it’s all nicely melted, putting it in the fridge. All there’s left to do is wait a few minutes now.   You come back, dusting your hands off, feeling confident. Meanwhile, Jungkook is still piping flowers with his thick brows furrowed, the tip of his tongue peeking out as he concentrates.   “It’s taking you a while there, Jeon.”   “Whatever.” He sighs, resting his hands on the counter as he rolls his neck. “You had a full three hours practicing with me on Tuesday. This is the first time in a while that I’m piping, alright? Give me a break.”   “Uh-huh. All I hear are your excuses. Less talk, more work.”   You grab some parchment and an icing bag he’s left abandoned in a cup. With a flower needle, you begin piping yourself to pass the time. It’s actually one of your favourite things to do — it’s therapeutic. You can listen to the sound of your own breathing and the crinkling of the piping bag while you make literal flowers from your hands.    You break out of your focus to find Jungkook watching you intently. Your arm extends, showing off your flower with pride. “Pretty, right?”   The icing flower has perfect ruffles and petals. It looks real, and by the expression he has, he’s already aware.    Jungkook grumbles incoherently and returns back to work, making you giggle.   You take another piece of parchment, but this time you steal a spatula-full of his blue icing and put it in the pink bag to make two-tone flowers. And you pipe them on, spinning the flower nail, as it comes to you with ease.   You listen to the crinkling of the icing bag, your heartbeat in your own ears, the white noise of the quiet kitchen, and Jungkook’s breathing. You’re not sure what compels you, perhaps a sudden urge, but you quietly blurt— “I never stole your millie cake recipe.”   “What?” His eyes flicker up and Jungkook finds you concentrating on piping, not paying him any mind.   “The September incident,” you murmur out of the corner of your mouth. “I never stole your mirror glazed blueberry whatever millie cake recipe like you think I did.”   Maybe you’re telling him because things are different now.   You know he won’t jump down your throat and accuse you otherwise, for lying, or trying to cover yourself. Won’t denounce you. Bark out in laughter. Your relationship with Jungkook has become strange recently — you think it’s something other people would call a friendship. But you thought he should know. Just in case he still hates you for it.   You know you don’t hate him so much anymore.   “You threatened to go up to the Dean and expel me, remember?” Your pupils flicker up for a moment.   Jungkook recalls it clearly — the confrontation in the kitchen, the fight that broke out, how you slapped him, how he was planning to do everything possible to get you expelled. How you were ostracized over the rumours for weeks until people forgot and moved on as they naturally did.   But you and Jungkook never did. You always both remembered.   “I went to Mrs. Ahn before she left on maternity leave. I was stuck — didn’t know what to add to my portfolio, so I asked her. And she gave me your recipe as a reference. Told me to give it a try. Gain inspiration from it.”   You put your hands down, connecting your eyes with his.    Jungkook is rendered speechless. “And that was when I saw you…?”   “Yep. You busted into the kitchen without letting me explain and accused me of stealing your shit when I didn’t even know it belonged to you. I didn’t know you were the one who came up with it.”   “Why…” He shakes his head, frowning deep enough that it hurts. “Why didn’t you say anything?”   “You didn’t deserve it. The truth. I knew I was right and I was so….so mad that you could accuse me of stealing, that I could even be capable of such a thing. I wanted you to bring it up to the Dean. I wanted you to do it so you could be embarrassed when you realized what actually happened.”   It’s all in the past now. Your anger doesn’t surge as much anymore, but you can still recall a time when you felt utterly enraged he could think so lowly of you — a time when Jungkook didn’t deserve your explanation, so you slapped him. In hindsight, it was probably a bad decision on your part. You escalated the situation when it didn’t need to and it spiraled out of control.    You’re at fault for being rash and impulsive as much as he is.   “It wasn’t like I was going to use it anyway,” you mutter with a sigh and pick up a new square of parchment to continue piping. “For inspiration or whatnot, much less add to my own portfolio. I swapped the blueberries for blackberries, and it turned out to be disgusting. I messed up on the glaze part too.” You muse, “Chocolate’s never been nice to me.”   Jungkook absolutely baffled. Bewildered.    All of this hatred against each other was caused by a misunderstanding. All of it which could’ve been avoided.   “I—”   “Wow, are you kids practicing your techniques?” Miss. Kang is at the door, visibly impressed as she regards you both. “And here I was on my way home. You two are so diligent! And look at you both working together like this! I always knew you put your differences aside and be friends.”   “You have great timing, Miss. Kang.” You smile at her. “Jungkook and I were just having a friendly contest. Would you like to be our judge?”   “Sure. I think I can spare a moment or two.” She steps in, looking around. “What are we doing here? Looks like someone was tempering chocolate and you’re….piping! Goodness, me. Did you make those, Y/N? They’re very lovely.”   “Thank you.” You grin, beaming from the praise of your piping skills. “But the contest was me tempering chocolate against Jungkook piping.” You move over to the fridge, taking out the metal tray with your strip test. You hand it to her, and she hums.   “Very shiny, and it slides right off the parchment!” she exclaims. For the final examination, the young female teacher bends the chocolate and it audibly snaps. You could burst out into cries of happiness. “Looks tempered to me.”   You look over at Jungkook, head quirked to the side, wearing a big smile that’s infectious enough to make him grin too. “Here’s my piping.” He places the parchment on the counter and she leans over to study it, humming.   “Not too bad, Jungkook. A little messy around the edges, but I’d say a job well done. If this was an actual exam, I’d give you full marks.”   Jungkook cocks a brow towards you, sly smirk on his face. You step forward. “So which is better?”   “Well, it’s very difficult to judge on tempering chocolate and piping since they’re two completely different things. I’d say it was equal.”   “If you had to pick one?” you ask, desperate for a winner to be proclaimed.   Miss Kang hums a long note. You and Jungkook are put in suspense, anticipating her final decision. She taps her chin, deciding to chew on your chocolate as she studies the flower.   Finally, the teacher nods. “I can’t complain about the chocolate — it’s a hundred percent tempered. But I can say the piping needs a little more work, so…”   “I win!” You give Jungkook a cheeky grin causing him to scoff lightly.   “It was a stroke of luck.”   “Keep telling yourself that, Jeon.”   “It’s a tie,” he insists, “She said only if she had to pick.”   “That’s true.” Miss. Kang backs him up before you can retort.   But you still pout. “Sore loser. I win and you know it.”   “Hmmm.” Jungkook playfully shakes his head. “Don’t think so. Let’s just call it even, Y/N.”   “Nuh-uh. That’s not how it works!”   The pair of you argue back and forth — yet there’s no real malice. It’s simply banter and it causes Miss. Kang to laugh. She bids her farewell and quips that you both better get the kitchen clean. In the end, Jungkook compromises. He still insists it’s a tie but he does the hard work of cleaning the dishes and you give into his will.   As you prepare the mop water, he scrubs the bowls.   “I’m sorry,” Jungkook pipes up after a second of quiet contemplation. He turns his head to look at you. “For the misunderstanding.”   “You don’t have to be sorry.” You divert your vision elsewhere. “Not anymore. You’ve given me more reasons to be thankful. So we’ll call this even.”   Jeon Jungkook smiles softly. “Deal.”
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muwur · 4 years
Text
long distance headcanons
✧ hc’s ✧ for daichi, suga, hinata & tsukki
❧ gn reader
✎ 1.5k words
a/n: hello yall this is my first post! nobody asked, but i just started this haikyuu reader insert blog, feel free to check my page n see wazzap. also requests are open pls come fhorfjepfiwf;
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daichi
✧ after high school, he stayed in miyagi while you went to tokyo, about 5 hours away, for college
✧ texting or calling whenever u can!
✧ you be like “heyyy”
✧ then he clap back with a “go focus on your lecture”
✧ “im not in lectureee”
✧ “you gave me your schedule so i know you’re in the middle of class”
✧ “...”
✧ makes sure you’re awake on time for your classes and calls you if he thinks you’re oversleeping (and hes usually right, this man just KNOWS)
✧ “morning y/n, i think you need to get to class soon”
✧ “mmrghhhghhh” *checks time* “holy sHI-- i forgot to set my alarm. IMMA BE LATE. THANKS DAICHI I LOVE YOU ILL TALK TO YOU LATER BYE”
✧ definitely skips out on some nights out with his friends to video chat you. you catch up, talk about future plans, reminisce, complain about not being able to hug one another, etc. occasionally one of you falls asleep on call, particularly after a long day or week. if he sleeps, you make sure you screenshot his sleeping face and start a picture collection  
✧ you hit him up when you get drunk lMAO
✧ “daiichiii, i miss youuu, i needdd youuuu AND i needa peeee---” “hey daichi, this is y/n’s friend. y/n’s pretty out of it now but they’ll be okay! we’re heading back to our place right now” “im gonna pEE IN THIS CAR”
✧ daichi coordinates with your friends to make sure you arrive home safely, use the bathroom, and get tucked into bed. he thanks the universe you have good friends. if it weren’t for them he’d probs have a heart attacc. sends you cute, reassuring voice messages for you to wake up to the next morning with hangover tips he learned from suga
✧ always checks in with you throughout the day, every day. able to pick up on the slightest hints if you’re feeling unwell and calls you immediately to try to make you feel better
✧ makes plans to visit you! you get really excited to introduce him to your college friends (who, after meeting him, tell you not only is he a hottie but is such a kind guy, fosho a keeper. they also ask if he has any cute friends)
✧ either holding your hand or has an arm around you most of the time.
✧ you spend all day together outside and wandering the city, then spend the night back at your place (sorry roommate, but we’re gonna have to kick you out for a lil bit--)    
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sugawara
✧ you finally secured a job! unfortunately, the company required you to work for a year at their main facility, which was a 4 hour drive away from miyagi
✧ if suga wasn’t needed in miyagi for his teaching job, he would’ve tried to come with you
✧ after unloading your things in your new apartment and before parting ways, suga was like
✧ “everything’s unloaded everything from the car?”
✧ “yes maam”
✧ “do you have enough snacks?”
✧ “we just went to the grocery hun”
✧ “did you bring enough underwear?”
✧ “gDI yEs I dID”
✧ “:c promise to call me often”
✧ “<3333 of course”</p>
✧ good morning texts before y’all leave for work! you send each other cute pictures when you’re getting ready for the day (suga with bedhead, brushing his teeth? suga with his tie half done?? sign me up)
✧ always texts you when something reminds him of you, usually sends a picture along with it
✧ “the store was having a special on oranges today! this one reminds me of you”
✧ “why”
✧ “it just looks so cute~”
✧ will immediately call you if you send him any sort of message that worries him
-“hello? y/n what’s wrong, why is there blood?? speak to me, you haven’t replied in 5 minutes”
✧ “ohhh my bad, i’m just cleaning up don’t worry! i didn’t explain, but the picture i sent you isn’t blood, it’s ketchup i spilled on myself lolol”
✧ poor man nearly fainted from worry
✧ would pay you a surprise visit, making sure to plan it carefully so he knew you weren’t busy with work or plans. brings you gifts of your favorite snacks and a scarf that matches one of his own for the upcoming winter
✧ plans out that weekend for y’all, mans did his research beforehand. together, you toured the city and the surrounding nature, took lots of selfies (and many candids of you), and taste tested lots of foods before returning to your apartment and collapsing into your bed with exhaustion
✧ but y’all not too tired for cuddling n a lil something else >.>
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hinata
✧ sure, being a couple hours away was hard for some... but y’all in different countries right now
✧ calls you immediately when there’s any inconvenience that occurs in his life, no matter how minor, thinking you’ll know how to fix it (or at least give him the reassurance he needs)
✧ “hey y/n...”
✧ “what’s wrong? you sound worried”
✧ “i broke my bike, what do i do”
✧ “you what? are you alright?? how? where are you? it’s midnight there, honey”
✧ “i was biking back to my apartment after staying late to practice! i didn’t wanna hit this turtle, so i swerved into a pole and now my bike’s wrecked :**”
✧ “ahh, are you okay?? you’re not hurt are you :(”
✧ “no, im okay... but im tired and i have two miles to go ;(((”
✧ “;( im sorry babe but you gotta walk home. we’ll get you a new bike. ill stay on the phone with you until you get back. tell me about your day <3″</p>
✧ talks about you all the time to his friends! introduces you through video chat to them! “look how pretty and cute y/n is!”
✧ together you work out your time differences and busy schedules so you can chat whenever possible
✧ he lets you know whenever he bought something for you, but never shows it to you because he’s excited to see your reaction in person when you reunite
✧ always asks you to send him pictures of yourself, he wants to see what you look like everyday he’s missing you in real life
✧ you surprise visit HIM. he’s so happy he could cry. shows you around every place he loves, shows you off to everyone he knows, holds your hand the entire time and never wants to let go, is practically glued to you not that you mind  
✧ you spend your last night together lying in the grass, hand in hand, looking at the stars and sharing sweet kisses  
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tsukishima
✧ y’all went to separate universities. while he stayed relatively close to miyagi, you went across the country to okinawa, which was about a 3 hour flight away
✧ he sees all the couples around campus n becomes lowkey bitter, texts you immediately about gross pda like hand holding that he secretly wishes he could do with you “these people in relationships are too happy, i didn’t ask to see them gawk at each other all day” “u just miss me lmao”
✧ once overheard a convo on a shuttle at school that went like :
✧ person 1: “ugh, he’s so cute”
✧ person 2: “why dont you go out with him??”
✧ person 1: “i dunno, his dorm’s down the street, i can’t really do long distance”
✧ nANI (by the way, this is a irl conversation my friend overheard, oml)
✧ tsukki nearly choked on his morning coffee
✧ bothers texts you in class bc he’s bored and in need of your attention
✧ “hey tsukki this prof’s lectures are rlly dense, i needa focus, ill text u after”
✧ “but arent i more interesting than rocks”
✧ “trust me, id even rather watch some dino documentaries with you than be here”
✧ *read*
✧ likes to chat with you most nights as he lies in bed before going to sleep, staring up at the dark ceiling and listening to your voice through his headphones. usually just talking about how your days went (as if you weren’t texting all day) or just casual talk and banter
✧ you remind him to make sure he’s taking care of himself and eating well
✧ “who are you? my mother?”
✧ “no but you’re about to be single”
✧ surprise visits you, tells you it was yamaguchi’s idea when it was really his own and yamaguchi was just teasing him about it  
✧ you show him around the city, sharing what you know about its rich history and culture. you visit most areas you both wanted to see before calling it a day
✧ your roommate conveniently spends that night over at their friend’s they just wanna give you alone time, which y’all very much needed. you make it a note to repay your roommate somehow.
✧ sweet lovin that he’s been missing, then some spooning as you sleep    
a/n: just wanna tackle these about 4 characters at a time but if u wanna see this headcanon w/ other characters feel free to hmu w/ an ask <3<b> also sorry if i text type a lot and that im inconsistent with my apostrophes, let me know if that’s something you want me to fix! 
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tearsofgrace · 3 years
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turns out i’m not done with this !!
@wanderingcas i love you but i do blame you for this 
the seven sonnets of michelangelo, written by benjamin britten for his long-time partner peter pears (who later described them as the best thing britten had ever given him) are a song cycle written for piano and tenor. besides like the real world implications of this making me go feral because GOD (for context, britten died in 1976) they FIT DESTIEL REALLY DAMN WELL OKAY????
so here’s the link 
the lyrics come from translations (done by pears) of michelangelo’s sonnets if that wasn’t clear
im not gonna do a musical analysis, even though like god that also fits destiel perfectly, but ima look at individual prose (coming from the translations of michelangelo’s original work) below the cut, feel free to scroll darlings
sonetto xvi
Just as there is a high, a low, and a middle style in pen and ink, and as within the marble are images rich and poor, according as our fancy knows how to draw them forth:
so within your heart, dear love, there are perhaps, as well as pride, some humble feelings: but I draw thence only what is my desert and like to what I show outside on my face.
Whoever sows sighs, tears and lamentations (Heaven’s moisture on earth, simple and pure, adapts itself differently to different seeds) reaps and gathers grief and sadness:
whoever looks on high beauty with so great a grief reaps doubtful hopes and sure and bitter pain.
okay so the best part of equating all this to destiel is that for the most part, the sonnets they chose to translate deal with the bad parts of love, the unfulfilled rejection and Despair (sorry) if you will
the last line in this one really REALLY kills me. “high beauty” being cas and dean being the one looking and reaping only pain. 
also just the heaven imagery in general and the bitterness of it all... kill me now? 
sonetto xxxi 
Why must I go on venting my ardent desire in tears and melancholy words, if Heaven that dresses the soul in grief, never, soon or late, allows relief?
Why should my weary heart long for death since all must die? So to these eyes my last hours will be less painful, all my grief being greater than any joy.
If, therefore, I cannot avoid these blows, nay, even seek them, since it is my fate, who is the one that stands always between joy and grief?
If to be happy I must be conquered and held captive, no wonder then that I, unarmed and alone, remain the prisoner of a Cavalier in arms.
the complete hopelessness in this one gives me all kinds of feels. the idea that maybe the reason cas couldn’t have dean is because all the hurt and pain and grief that fills the small space between them overwhelms the happiness they could have in being together
and then of course the last line.. is SO cas. “if to be happy i must be conquered” hahahahahhaa this is fine
sonetto xxx
With your lovely eyes I see a sweet light that yet with my blind ones I cannot see; with your feet I carry a weight on my back which with my lame ones I cannot; with your wings I, wingless, fly; with your spirit I move forever heavenward; at your wish I blush or turn pale, cold in the sunshine, or hot in the coldest midwinter.
My will is in your will alone, my thoughts are born in your heart, my words are on your breath.
Alone, I am like the moon in the sky which our eyes cannot see save that part which the sun illumines.
finally a happy one !
“with your wings I, wingless, fly” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???
plus PLUS the whole “with your BLANK i BLANK” is just soooo reminiscent of cas learning how to feel from dean. i’m. going. to. scream. 
“my will is in your will alone” ................. “i always come when you call” 
AND! THEN! THE! MOON! AND! SUN! THING! THAT! WE! ALL! TALK! ABOUT! WITH! DEAN AND CAS! (looking at marlo) @heller-jensen
sonetto lv
Though know’st, beloved, that I know thou know’st that I am come nearer to enjoy thee more; and thou know’st that I know thou know’st that I am still the same. Why, then, do I hesitate to greet thee?
If the hope thou givest me is true, if true the strong desire that is granted me, the wall between us crumbles, for secret griefs have double force.
If I love in thee, beloved, only what thou lovest most, do not be angry; for so one spirit is enamoured of another.
That which in thy lovely face I yearn for and seek to grasp, is but ill understood by human kind, and he that would see it, first must die.
the hesitation in this is key. the whole, if we know we’re in love why then are we waiting that just perfectly encapsulates dean and cas
and then. and THEN. the whole ethereal-ness of the second half. the whole next-to-godliness of those lines. the whole he’s AN ANGEL I DON’T KNOW IF HE CAN FEEL THAT WAY HE’S UNTOUCHABLE. kinda thing. 
sonetto xxxviii
Give back to my eyes, you fountains and rivers, the waves of those strong currents that are not yours, which make you swell and grow with greater power than is your natural way.
And thou, heavy air, that dims the heavenly light to my sad eyes, so full of my sighs art thou, give them back to my weary heart and lighten thy dark face to my eye’s keen sight.
Earth, give me back my footsteps that the grass may sprout again where it was trod; and Echo, yet deaf to my laments, give back thy sound; and you blest pupils give back to my eyes their glances;
that I another time may love another beauty, since with me you are not satisfied.
this one isn’t actually destiel per se... this one is cas. this one is a broken afraid cas who’s just turned human and doesn’t know how to live and who is realizing he is in love with dean. 
and he knows (thinks) dean could never love him back. everything, everything has changed for him since falling in love with dean. but he still thinks that dean will never be satisfied with him
sonetto xxxii
If love be chaste, if pity heavenly, if fortune equal between two lovers; if a bitter fate is shared by both, and if one spirit, one will rules two hearts;
if in two bodies one soul is made eternal, raising both to heaven on the same wings; if at one stroke and with a gilded arrow love burns and pierces two hearts to the core;
if in loving one another, forgetting one’s self, with one pleasure and one delight there is such reward that both wills strive for the same end;
if thousands and thousands do not make one hundredth part to such a bond of love, to such constancy, can, then, mere anger break and dissolve it?
hehe this one makes me cry. like. fulllllll on cry. 
highlights
“bitter fate is shared by both” “one will rules two hearts” i mean... i MEAN. don’t think i need to explain that
and then the next part. “in two bodies one soul is made eternal” with only dean having a soul and him drawing them together but then the VERY next part “raising both to heaven on the same wings” with only cas having wings i’m literally going feral someone take my keyboard away from me before i ASLDJFHA
“can, then, mere anger break and dissolve it?” 
“i don’t know why i get so angry. i just know it’s always been there. ... and i forgive you. of course i forgive you.” 
because no matter how angry dean gets at cas, no matter how much he batters and abuses him, the bond between them will always live through it. 
sonetto xxiv
Noble soul, in whose chaste and dear limbs are reflected all that nature and heaven can achieve with us, the paragon of their works:
graceful soul, within whom one hopes and believes Love, Pity and Mercy are dwelling, as they appear in your face; things so rare and never found in beauty so truly:
Love takes me captive, and Beauty binds me; Pity and Mercy with sweet glances fill my heart with a strong hope.
What law or earthly government, what cruelty now or to come, could forbid Death to spare such a lovely face?
so the last one is happy again (yay!!) and also basically just described the righteous man like i am not kidding. 
like this is literally just cas telling dean how much he deserves and how everything he’s ever done he’s done because of love and i’m screaming. 
and then. the SECOND half. is the second half of cas’ confession. really fitting that this is the last sonnet, huh? the end of their love story at least as we see it on screen. 
this is just cas saying he loves dean. before he’s ripped away from him. 
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thebluenoteblog · 4 years
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Give me That Title
Summary: You have been hooking up with Colton for months and though you have feeling for him you’ve known since the beginning what your relationship with him is. You’re okay with it. You’re also okay with being perpetually single. That is until you meet someone that makes you want to date for the first time in a while. Though Colton’s reaction to hearing about your date... well that’s more surprising than the fact that you decided to go on a date in the first place.
Player: Colton Parayko
Word Count: 5.1k
*Inspired by Meghan Trainor’s Title*
I know girls ain’t hard to find
If you think you want to try
Than consider this an invitation
To kiss my ass goodbye
You were on the floor in front of your floor length mirror, with makeup spread out on the floor all around you when your phone buzzed. You paused with the mascara wand next to your eye, finished what you were doing, reinserted the wand into the tube, screwed on the cap and then picked up your phone already having a pretty good idea of who it was.
Colton had just gotten back in town from his road trip earlier that day and odds were he wasn’t in the mood to go out partying tonight. He wanted someone to come to him. The most recent notification on your phone, right above a few from the NHL app was indeed a text message from Colton. You had been his most regular hook up for the past seven months and at some point, in that time he had given you his phone number when he got tired of dealing with snapchat.
If you were being fair, the two of you did a lot of talking to. If someone were to scroll through your text messages they would never know that you were just some twenty-one-year-old girl who had gotten caught up in a lifestyle that you had no business in. They would probably think that you and Colton were friends. Friends who just hung out a lot late at night.
You unlocked your phone, opened the text and scanned the message. You busy?
You glanced up into the mirror, at your half-done makeup. Yes.
His response was fast, like he’d been waiting for it. No, really. Do you want to come over?
Okay, if you were being fair, it was a very rare occasion that you passed him up on an offer to come over. You always responded to his messages and you were basically at his beck and call. Your only serious obligation was your college courses. Your work hours were pretty much ‘come and go as you please’ and so you did. Whenever Colton asked. He knew when you were in class and he knew it wasn’t now.
Being tied to a man who had no intention of ever committing to you wasn’t a huge issue for you. Committing your time to him wasn’t either because he was gone so much and spent so many nights out with the team that you could still have friends and a life of your own. Besides, you would be lying if you said you hadn’t hooked up with a few other people in the beginning just as he had. You assumed he still did, but you didn’t bother anymore, the sex didn’t compare.
Then two weeks ago, you met Chase. You were sitting at a coffee shop on Main Street, enjoying your tea when he had walked in. He’d sat down on the couch beside you as he drank his coffee. He turned to you, stared at your Blues t-shit for a moment and then said, “Can you believe how badly the Blues got it handed to them last night?”
You’d spent two hours talking after that, about anything and everything. He’d asked you out. You’d given him your number. Now you sat in front of your mirror getting ready for the first real date you’d been on in over a year since you had broken off your engagement and sitting there, on that couch next to Chase, in his faded St. Charles County Firefighter t-shirt, you’d realized something.
This thing with Colton wasn’t enough anymore. You wanted a real relationship. Someone you could imagine a future with and not roll your eyes at yourself for being ridiculous. Someone who would really love you and not just love getting you naked. Someone who saw in you whatever it was that Chase saw that made his eyes light up when he talked to you that day.
You wanted someone who would someday ask you to marry them. You would buy a house together. Make one of those salt plaster ornaments with your first house key to put on the tree that you would decorate together every year. Build a fence in the backyard for your dog and your kids to run around.
Maybe that would be Chase, maybe it would be the next guy you went out with, or the next. Maybe you would find him a year from now. But you knew one thing for sure. No matter how much you wanted him to be, no matter how much you loved Colt, he was never going to be that guy.
He would never commit to a girl who looked like you.
Hell, you didn’t think he was ready to commit at all, despite how nice of a guy he was and his picture-perfect image. He enjoyed living it up, he enjoyed his parties, he enjoyed his bunnies. A girlfriend would cramp his style.
You glanced down at your phone and saw that ten minutes had passed, you needed to hurry up and get your makeup done and you still had Colton to deal with. I can’t. I’m going out tonight.
Again, he responded before you could pick up your mascara to finish your other eye, so he must not have been doing anything. He was probably laying on the couch watching TV. Oh. Are you going out with (Y/F/N)?
You didn’t really think about what you were typing before you just hit send, you just did it and then dropped your phone before going back to your makeup. This time you finished all of your eye makeup and were on to your lips when your phone eventually buzzed.
It wasn’t until you picked it up that you read what you had sent him and actually felt a little bad. You knew you both saw other people. You knew you weren’t a couple and you were both free to do whatever you wanted, but neither of you ever made a point of talking about it. You only knew about it his exploits from the girls who bragged about it online and occasionally posted pictures of them together to corroborate their stories. No, (Y/F/N) is out of town. I have a date tonight.
He’d responded five minutes later with. You have a date?
You glanced at the message, not sure how to respond at first then decided on simply, Yeah, he’s really nice.
The dots appeared and then disappeared about five times before they stayed long enough for him to type out his response. You never go on dates.
You rolled your eyes. Leave it to a guy in the NHL to think he had a girl locked down because she didn’t go on other dates for a little while even though he was still fucking other people. I decided that I want something real. Is that so bad?
You finished your makeup and made it out to your car before he responded. I guess not.
If it ain’t no thing
Then I won’t be hangin around
But don’t be blowin up my shit at three am
Sayin how you need me now
You had now been out on two dates with Chase and Colton had coincidently texted asking you to come over as you were walking out the door to get into Chase’s truck the night you went out with him for the second time. He’d taken your rejection slightly less… diplomatically this time which was uncharacteristic for him. You’d only turned him down a handful of times, but you could never remember him being upset. He’d always continued to talk to you until one of you got too busy to hold up the conversation. This time though, he was clearly upset.
Can you come over? I have food that I shouldn’t be eating that you would love.
You smiled when you read the message, because it almost sounded like he was inviting you over for a date even though you knew that wasn’t what it was. You could still dream. Then you remembered that outside your apartment complex, Chase was waiting for you.
I’m sorry, I’d love to but I’m busy tonight. Raincheck?
He’d responded quickly like he didn’t even think about what he was saying before he said it, Big date tonight?
You narrowed your eyes at the phone. What’s that supposed to mean?
You waited for his response before you walked outside into the bitter February air. Nothing. I just wanted you to come over.
Now it was three in the morning and you were lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. Still thinking about how uncharacteristically spiteful Colton had been that night. Then your phone went off for the first time. You ignored it, because, well, it was three in the morning. But then ten minutes later it went off again. And five minutes after that it went off again. Not five minutes passed before there was another. Then soon after another alert. Finally, you sat up in a huff, grabbing the phone off your bedside table and unlocking it to see the notifications.
All messages from Colton and he appeared to be drunk. Very drunk.
(Y/N) r u home
i miss u
u should com over
r u still with him
u should be here instead
You squeezed your eyes shut then opened them to make sure you were reading the messages correctly. Is that why he had been so spiteful that night? Was Colt… jealous? You couldn’t go over to his house now, because regardless of what you suspected, nothing had changed. He wasn’t going to commit to you. He wasn’t going to give you that house together or the Christmas tree with the first key ornaments or the kids running around in the backyard. It just wasn’t in the cards for them. Besides, he was drunk off his ass right now. He would never, in a million years send u or r in place or you or are if he wasn’t well past the legal limit.
Colton, go to sleep. You’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying.
The dots appeared right away but it took him awhile to type the message.
i no wht im saying i miss u com over ur with him arnt u
It took you a moment to decipher the message but when you did, you sighed and responded carefully. Colt, I’ve been home since 10:00. I can’t come over, its already three in the morning and you’re so drunk you’ll be passed out by the time I get there. You won’t even be able to let me in.
He didn’t like that answer. ill take a shower to sober up before u get here
Colton.
fine goodnight
You sighed again, Goodnight Colt.
Don’t call me boo
Like your some kind of ghost
If you don’t want me seeing other guys,
Then here’s what you need to know
Come stay tonight.
It was just those three words. The team was leaving for a road trip and they had the next day off. You had always in the past cleared your schedule on those days for him if he asked you to. The two of you would stay in bed all day, you would cook for him when you got hungry and he would leave for the roadie the next day relaxed and happy. This had started off as an occasional arrangement but had become a routine and now almost every time he had a day off in town, this was the plan.
You cleared your schedule.
When you got to his house with your overnight bag, you had just knocked on the door when it opened. He was standing there looking perfect as ever in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, but his hair wasn’t styled like usual. It was tousled and limp like he’d been running his fingers through it enough to destroy whatever effect the gel had previously had on it.
He stepped to the side to let you in and closed the door behind you as soon as you were out of the way. He turned to face you, “I’m sorry… about the other night.”
You shrugged, not meeting his eyes, continuing to face the living room. You didn’t want to talk about this. You knew your time together was limited. This may very well be the last time they spent a night together before you had a boyfriend and you had to end… whatever this was. you didn’t want to spend it talking about what he’d said two nights ago and how he hadn’t meant it. How he was just drunk. “It isn’t a big deal.”
You slipped off your shoes, leaving them by the door. You always felt weird wearing shoes in his house, everything was so much more expensive than what you were used to. You walked away from him before he could say anything else, placing your bag on the couch and then leaning against the back of it and turning to watch him. He was frozen in place, staring at the spot you had previously been standing. After a minute he shifted his eyes to you and made his way into the living area.
He stood directly in front of you, with his hands in his pockets. He looked unsure for the first time since you’d met him, and you couldn’t quite figure out why. “I made dinner.” He said. “It’s almost ready.”
You furrowed your eyebrows at him, “You made us dinner?” You asked. “I always make dinner.”
“I know…” He said, he shifted, looking over her head at something in the distance, “I just thought… I don’t know. It was an early game and I got home at seven… I don’t mind cooking, so why not?”
You shrugged your shoulders, “I don’t know, I guess I just figured I would be cooking for you tonight.”
He looked down at you, meeting your eyes and smiling softly, “You don’t always have to do stuff like that. You can just come over and relax with me.”
Something was off. Colton was a nice guy. He was an amazing guy. But this was so far out of left field for your relationship that you didn’t know what you were dealing with. Then again, that’s how everything with him had been since the day you told him you were going on a date. He’d make sure to mark you up with hickeys everywhere when you hooked up the couple of times it had happened since. He was usually rough, but he never was one to leave dozens of hickeys all over you. Maybe one or two, nothing like that. His sideways remarks. Drunk texts. Now this?
You were in love with him. You had been for a long time and you knew it. Hell, you’d known when you let this start that you would fall in love with him. He was just the kind of guy you couldn’t help falling in love with. That’s why he had girls falling at his feet. He was a twenty-six-year-old professional hockey player, rich, attractive, with a great personality and he could have any girl he wanted. You never had any illusions that you would be the one to lock him down. Hell, at the time you weren’t even looking for a relationship. You were running from one.
But when he looked at you and said things like that, things like you can just come here to relax with me, it made you angry. Because you were in love with him. And when he said things like that and sent you a string of drunk texts at three in the morning, it gave you this irrational hope that he cared about more than just your pussy.
There was no way though.
And even if he did, did you want that life?
Constantly worrying about whether or not your boyfriend was with some other girl because he could have whoever he wanted? Always feeling like you weren’t good enough for him? Never being able to contribute equally to the household? Would he ever actually marry you even if he did date you? No. Probably not. You weren’t NHL wife material. Not pretty enough or classy enough.
But you smiled at him and pretended this battle wasn’t going on in your head and said, “Why don’t I help you finish cooking? I’m starving.”
After you ate, an amazing meal as it turned out Colton was actually quite the cook, when you made to help him with the dishes he turned around and set you on the island behind him, effectively banishing you from the soap. “I always help.” You protested.
“I’ve got it, (Y/N).” He said, his back muscles working as he washed a pot. “Just sit there and look pretty.”
You rolled your eyes, “As if that’s possible.” He turned to look at you over his shoulder, narrowed eyes and you bit your lip before responding, “Sorry, did I say that out loud?”
“Yeah. Don’t say it in your head either.” Then he went back to the dishes.
After the dishes were clean you expected to end up in the bedroom, but instead he guided you to the couch and handed you the remote, “What do you want to watch?”
You stared at the remote for a moment, then looked back at him. “I don’t know. I only watch movies in the theaters and I don’t think you’d like any of the shows that I watch.”
He frowned, “You only watch movies in theaters?”
“I don’t have the attention span to watch them unless I’m forced.” You said, “I’ll do anything to get out of it. Write, sleep, read, sex. Anything except watch the movie unless it’s a favorite and I’m in the mood to watch it. Which I’m not.”
“Okay, you like the Flames, right?” He asked. You nodded, “They’re playing now. Want to watch that?”
You smiled up at him, “That sounds awesome.”
By the time the game ended, you were curled into his side with his arm wrapped around you and you were ranting about every missed call while going on about Tkachuk’s game winning overtime goal. “Are you like this when you watch us play?” Colton asked, with a look in his eyes that you couldn’t identify and a smile on his face.
“Oh, I’m worse.” You said laughing and shaking your head, “When I lived with my sister she used to get so mad at me on nights you played late games because I would wake her up yelling at the TV.”
Colton placed a hand on your cheek and moved in. He pressed his lips to yours the same why he had so many times before, but this time if felt different. The kiss was long and slow and there were no hands pulling at clothes. One of his remained spanning your cheek and neck and the other rested on your waist, holding you in place.  Your hands, after the initial shock of the randomness of the kiss wore off, went up to his shoulders. He pulled you closer like he was afraid you were about to push him away, but you didn’t. You wouldn’t. You didn’t know if you knew how.
Especially not after the way this kiss made you feel.
You were the one to separate your lips, resting your foreheads together. Neither of you spoke for a stretch of time and the only sound filling the room was the Flames postgame in the background. Eventually he broke the silence. “I don’t like you dating other people.”
“Colton…” You said, squeezing your eyes shut. You didn’t want to hear this. You didn’t want him to tell you how he didn’t like seeing you with other people, but you could never be his. It wasn’t something you wanted to hear and if he said it… well if he said it you were going to have to get up and leave. You were going to have to end this.
“Please listen to me,” He said, his voice barely above a whisper but their faces were so close that you had no trouble picking up his words. “It hurts thinking about you dating someone else. It hurts thinking that I’m so close to losing you and if you don’t want me to stop you then there isn’t anything I can do about it.”
You pulled your forehead away from his and leaned back a little, looking at his hardwood floors, “Colton I can’t just be some girl that you call when you want to screw for the rest of my life.” You said it softly, but the words were harsh and he cast his eyes at the floor along with you, “I want something real. I want someone who is going to take me out on dates. We buy each other birthday presents. Set up a Christmas tree together every year. Have dreams of a future with each other in it. Someday I want a house with a backyard full of kids and a husband playing with them. I can’t have that if all I am is another girl who you mess around with but never want anything more from.”
When you were done he looked up at you and your eyes met. Before you could look away, he said, “But what if I want all of those things with you? What if I want something real too?”
Tears sprung to your eyes. Why was he doing this? Why couldn’t he just let you walk away when it was easier because you thought he would never love you. “Colt I don’t know if I’m cut out for that life. I’m just some girl who got caught up in a lifestyle she had no business being part of.”
“What’s so bad about it?” He asked, looking a little panicked. Like he hadn’t actually accepted the possibility of you walking away tonight for good. “Why couldn’t you date me?”
You shook your head, “I’ve been around your friends. They party. They drink. And athletes… they cheat. I know it’s a stereotype, but I would always be worried about it. Especially since the entire time we’ve known each other you’ve had the ability to just… do whatever you want. Besides the fact that I’m not pretty enough to ever be seen in public with you.”
Colton looked genuinely offended, “I don’t cheat. I never have, and I never will. I was raised better than that.” He placed a hand on your chin and forced you to look into his eyes, “And you are beautiful. I would take you everywhere. You would be all over my Instagram even.”
You blushed, “Colt…”
“(Y/N), give me a chance.” He said. “I messed up. I didn’t realize I was in love with you until someone else was already doing a better job at what should have been my job than I was. Please, let me fix it.”
You studied his face, trying to decide if he was serious. Trying to decide if you should give up what you saw in Chase for what you knew was there in Colton. There were obstacles, many of them, but if he was that determined to make it work then you would give it a try too.
“Okay, we can give it a real shot.”
I’m lovin’ what you got
But I’m hating what you doing
You gotta show me off, off
If you embarrassed,
Then thats the case I’m long gone
You’d been officially dating for four months now and things were going great. He knew how you felt about him going out drinking with the guys, so when he went, he invited you along. There were no more bunnies bragging about their conquest with him online, in fact they were beginning to suspect that he had settled down with someone. You were at every home game wearing his jersey with the other wives and girlfriend and even flown out to one of the away games. Pictures of the two of you together started appearing online, especially on websites that people used to track the habits of players and the speculation started.
Did Colton Parayko have a girlfriend?
The thing was, he wouldn’t confirm anything. People would tweet him, asking him about it. Nothing. People would message him on Instagram asking him about it? He ignored them. He posted a picture of himself with your dog on his Instagram and the comments were filled with the same question.
Do you have a girlfriend?
Is that your girlfriends’ dog?
Did your girlfriend take that picture?
Still he didn’t respond to any of them. You were beginning to wonder if it was because he was regretting his decision to enter a relationship with you. Was that what the issue was? Was he embarrassed of you? He’d promised that you would be all over his Instagram, but he hadn’t even let you tag them in a picture together. Did he wish he’d found someone more conventionally beautiful?
You were scrolling through a speculation post when he sat down beside you on the couch. “What are you reading?” He asked, looking over your shoulder.
You quickly locked your phone and dropped it into your lap, “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”
He narrowed his eyes at you playfully, “I know your password and my arms are longer than yours.”
You sighed, “Why haven’t you gone public with our relationship?” You asked.
He looked caught off guard, “What do you mean?”
“You haven’t posted any pictures of us. You haven’t answered when anyone asks about us.” You looked away from him and down at the phone you were twisting in your hands. “If you’re embarrassed of me just tell me. We can end this.”
“No!” He said it before the words had even died on your tongue, “Of course I’m not embarrassed of you.”
You still didn’t meet his eyes, because honestly, you didn’t believe him. “Colton…”
“(Y/N),” He said, “I’ll post pictures of you right now. I’ll tweet out a response to the next person who asks me. I’m not embarrassed, why would I be? I didn’t know it was that big of a deal to you or I never would have kept it a secret. I just don’t like my private life to be all over the internet.” He grabbed your hand and pulled your phone away, setting it aside before taking your hand in his. “Please believe me.”
You looked up into his eyes and all you saw was love. He looked so genuine. How could you not believe him? “Okay,” you said. “I believe you.”
“We don’t have to keep it a secret,” He said, “I love you. I don’t care if people know.”
You smiled up at him, “I would like that.”
Give me that title, title
Come on give me that title, title
Better give me that title, title
Better give me that title, title, yeah
They’d been together for two years now and they had come a long way from the day that Colton had sworn she was going to walk out his front door and end up in the arms of another man. As she sat on her towel with her toes dug into the sand next to him, glass of wine in her hand, staring at the sun setting over the ocean, he couldn’t believe that he’d ever come close to letting that happen.
The words she spoke that day stuck in his mind every single day since she said them. Someday I want a house with a backyard full of kids and a husband playing with them. They already bought each other birthday presents and set up a Christmas tree together every year. They talked about their future together every day. But that was something that he hadn’t given her yet.
She was so distracted by the sunset that she didn’t notice him set his wine glass on the small table between them, low to the sand, before reaching into the beach bag, into the zippered back pocket that she never would have had a reason to open and pulling out the small velvet box. He settled back onto his towel with the box in his hand, but kept his eyes focused on her.
He’d had the whole moment planned out, but now that they were here, and he was holding the ring and she was sitting next to him, it was like he had never planned a thing.
He shifted to his knees so that he was facing her, and that action was enough to pull her away from the sunset. She turned to him with a smile on her face so genuine that it made his heart swell. “What’s that look for?” She asked, “You should be watching the sky, it’s beautiful.”
“I’d rather watch you.” He said, and her cheeks flushed. Whether it was from the tropical heat or his words he didn’t know. He kept the box hidden under his hand as he said, “(Y/N), the day we decided to be together, you said something. You said that someday you wanted a husband and kids and an entire life with someone.” He looked down at his hand which still hid the ring, then back up at the most important person in his life who was looking at him with wide eyes, like she wanted to believe what was happening but didn’t quite want to get her hopes up. He lifted the hand that wasn’t concealing the ring and used it to guide her into standing up. She rose to her feet, burying them in the sand.
He rose to one knee and finally reveled the box, snapping it open, “I want that to be me. I want that life with you. I’m ready for it. If you say yes, I promise that we’ll have a house with a huge backyard and a fence and a swing set for our kids to play on. We’ll be the family that you always wanted to have. So, (Y/N), will you marry me?”
She was completely in shock, staring at him like she couldn’t believe a single word he had just said had actually come out of his mouth. But it had, and as soon as she realized that, she answered him. “Of course, I will!”
He slid the ring on her finger, tossed the box on the towel beside them and then was up and twirling her in the air in a second. Yes, they had come a long way in the past two years. And god was he glad they had.
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violetnotez · 4 years
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SHE IS HERE. PART TWO. BY EXTREMELY POPULAR AND LATE DEMAND!!!!
This fic. THIS FIC RIGHT HERE. HAS BEEN FIGHTING SO HARD I AM DONE THIS HAS BEEN A STRUGGLE. If there are typos I AM SORRY- just msg me and ill fix it if its that bad im just tired!
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Kirishima x reader
⤷Genre: Angst, Fluff
⤷Word Count: 9k+ (-this has the weekly prompt for the @bnhabookclub​ discord -“Im fine” :)
⤷ Warnings: slight mentions of blood, cursing, suggested spicyness at the end
⤷ Synopsis: It’s been exactly 3 months since the last time Kirishima saw you, after you had abruptly ended things with him. He’s been trying to forget you, but it’s no use-he’s still madly in love with you, and wishes he could get the truth of why you two ended. What a shocker when he gets a chance to ask his questions-and he learns the truth about your villainous life.
Song Recs: ⤷ “Breakeven”-The Script ⤷ “Lucid Dreams”- Juice WRLD ⤷ “Scars”- Lukas Graham
PART 1
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Kirishima looked up at his calendar, a sad sigh escaping his lips. 
That number shouldn’t be such a big deal, that plain black “11” tiny and insignificant next to all the other digits, like little ants stationary on the page.
What it represented, though, was so much more: that day so many weeks ago was so full of heartache and misery, the feeling of being lied to eating at his core for days to come. 
Today, 3 months ago, was the day you confessed to him that you didn’t love him. 
Kirishima has never felt so betrayed and heartbroken in his whole life: you were his first real love after all, and hearing you say your love was a lie destroyed him.
He didn’t know what to do or how to even react to that news: he had felt so numb after, so incredibly empty, it was like he was a walking shell of himself once he left your room.
His friends had tried to cheer him up constantly, always putting in the effort to lift his spirits with laughter and comfort. But the warmth of their attempts of cheering him up didn’t help him at all: he always still felt so cold inside.
It also didn’t help that you had mysteriously left UA the day after the “breakup.” When Kirishima laid his tired puffy eyes on your empty desk the next day, his heart couldn’t help but beat feverishly. He knew he shouldn’t care that you were gone, but he couldn’t help it. No matter which way he spun it, He was still desperately falling for you, even if you had broken his heart. 
He had sat down, his back slumped as he eyed that empty seat with worry. 
How had everything gone so wrong? 
He couldn’t fathom what had gone stray-your love  had honestly felt so real to him. You had told him you had only dated him out of pity-but if somebody was being forced to do something, just to spare someone’s feelings, would they have given him his first kiss so perfectly, making sure to be soft and gentle? Would they have stuck with him late into the night to help study for tests? Or give him sweet kisses on his scars when he was feeling self conscious? 
It just didn’t add up-the feelings you two had were genuine and real. It couldn’t all be one sided like you had said.
He gave another look to that chair, just imagining the ghost of you sitting there, turning around and sending him that infectious smile that light up his whole day.
God, it wasn't even one whole day and he felt so incomplete without you.
Mr. Aizawa walked in, everyone scrambling to their seats and watching him intently, the room getting noticeably more quiet.
He didn’t remember much of that class-he had remembered Mr.Aizawa standing at the front of the class, his deep voice breaking his miserable thoughts when he said the class would be free of one student.
You had seemingly left in the middle of the night, your guardians notifying the school you would no longer be attending UA due to you moving. All of Class 1-A was incredibly confused, including Kirishima- you had never said you were moving, yet you somehow were just gone. As if you never existed.
It just didn’t add up to Kirishima-you would have said something about moving, or at least acted strange the weeks prior. All these events just didn’t make sense to Kirishima-the break up, your confession, you leaving-it all just didn’t add up. But he was too tired, too wrecked inside to think about it anymore. The more he tried to piece the story together the more it gnawed at him, making him feel so much more worse than he already felt. He slumped in his chair, knowing full well everyone was staring at him-you were his boyfriend after all, he should have known.
Oh wait-ex.
He slumped in his chair even more, barely the tips of his spiky red hair poking up from the desk table.
It was gonna be a long few weeks for him, he could already feel it.
Now he was past all those days of crying and breaking over you-some days he could actually forget about you and not have to worry. But on days that were permanently etched into his mind, like today, he couldn’t help but remember. 
Kirishima's phone began to ring, the vibration of the call making the phone jitter against the wood of his desk. He tore himself away from the calendar, his hands instantly swiping to take the call once he saw the Caller ID.
“Hey Fat, how's it going!” Kirishima forced a smile, his voice preppy and bright as if nothing had ever happened.
“Kirishima, thanks for taking the call,” his mentor seemed to breathe a sigh of relief hearing his bright voice on the other end.
Since Kirishima was in his 3rd year, he was required to do another work study, for an even longer period of time than before. So when he was asked by Fatgum to come join the agency once again, he couldn’t help but say no. He had loved his old mentor back from his 1st year, even if he did get pretty banged up at the end of his work study. He was more than happy to join his agency again, and wanted nothing more to learn and grow to be the best hero he could be.
“I know this is pretty late in the day for you,” Fatgum continued, “but I’m going to need your help,”
“Tamaki was supposed to be patrolling on the West side of town tonight, but he got called in to help with a robbery on the North side. I don’t have anybody else to take his place, so I was hoping you could take over his shift for the night,”
“Of course! I’ll do anything you need,” Kirishima propped his phone into the crook of his neck, already rummaging around his room for his hero suit.
“You're a lifesaver Kirishima!” Fatgum exclaimed, the toothy grin he was most likely sporting practically audible.“See ya for training tomorrow then!”
“You too, Fat,” Kirishima's cheerful tone waned, a sad smile replacing his bright grin as he stared down at his hero suit.
He had already known today was going to be a tough day for him, and the fact that he was off from any type of hero work that would make him forget about his sadness didn’t help. 
But now that Fatgum has given him a job tonight, he might be able to erase his mind of all the past heart ache for the next few hours. He gave himself a small smile, his hero suit beckoning him to put it on, the reds and blacks calling to him like ghosts from a dream.
He was gonna at least try to forget-just for the night.
It was now an hour before the end of his shift, and he was feeling practically tired.
The West side of town was relatively quiet, nowhere near the crime riddled areas of the North side of the city boulevard. He knew these streets well from patrolling them almost every night of his hero study, knowing each alleyway and path like the back of his hand. 
Tonight was silent, only a few late night joggers or the occasional fast food joint open for any customers getting the late night munchies. 
It was soft, provincial, and bitter sweet. 
He was trying his best to not remember, to not remember your face, or your smile, or the way you would laugh so warmly whenever he did something amusing. He was trying not to imagine you standing by his side, your hand grabbing his and your shoulder resting  on his, a happy sigh escaping your lips. 
Why were still haunting him, even three months later? 
why couldn’t he just forget about you? 
A crash and a yell snapped Kirishima out of his memory, an angry scream of a teen being heard from the late night restaurant. 
He shook his head to rid himself of those unwanted thoughts, noticing a black figure running across the parking lot into an alleyway at lightning speed.
“That-that Villian!” She shrieked, her friends trying to soothe her as she continued on her rampage, “She stole my wallet! My damn wallet! The hell-“
“Don’t worry ma’am, I’ll get it back for you, don’t worry!” He yelled towards the group, his voice warm and assuring as he sent her a toothy grin. His feet began pounding the pavement, disappearing into the alleyway in the direction of the criminal.
Your breath came out in painful huffs, your hand fumbling to put the wallet into the jacket of your Villian suit. 
Damn Shigaraki and his “plans.”
Shigaraki has now concocted up his next bright idea  for the League, this time relying on you stealing an ID card from a college student that looked similar to you. 
While the LOV was going off stealing a bank for some extra cash, you were told to go find someone who looked similar to you in order to pass as them. for what you had no idea, but you knew Shigaraki would be extremely mad with you if you didn’t do what he asked. You shivered at the thought of him, those cold red eyes like bloody daggers ripping into your flesh. 
You slowed to a stop, your breath coming out in pants as you pulled down the mask on your face, your breath finally free from the constricting fabric.
God you hated running.
Nobody seemed to be following you though, footsteps inaudible to your ears. You slinked into a dark corner of the alleyway, your hands rummaging inside the wallet for the ID card you desperately needed.
Cash, credit card, a picture of her and possibly her boyfriend,a shit ton of gift cards-
You breathed a sigh of relief, flicking out the desired card with a flourish. In the low light conditions you were in, it was hard to see her details, but you knew that it matched your complexion just enough to pass by.
Thank God, now Shigaraki wouldn’t be on your ass-
“Hey, it’s not cool to steal, man,” you heard a familiar voice echo throughout the concrete walls of the alleyway, making your blood run cold.
Shit, please not be him, anybody but him-
You instantly tugged your mask over your mouth and nose, praying to God it wasn’t him.
Maybe it was another hero, or somebody that just resembled him-
“Just give me back what you stole, and nothing bad will happen to ya,” Kirishima continued, his footsteps slow and solemn as he walked over to you, as if you were a wounded animal that could attack at any moment.
You shoved the wallet hastily into your jacket pocket, looking around, desperate for a way out.
Damn it-you were completely blocked from the back, a tall cement wall blocking your escape. The only way for you to get out was to somehow dodge Kirishima and make a run for it, or fight him.
God definitely had his favorites, and it obviously wasn’t you.
This boy was so quiet-all that hero training made him extremely agile, like a cat going forward it’s prey  as he continued to walk towards you cautiously. 
It was a shock to see him-he looked so much older, his handsome face making your heart squeeze painfully. He still sported his iconic red hair to match his suit, the only thing really changing was the amount of scars on his body. When you two had dated, you were so close to him you knew every valley, ditch, and scar on his body like your own.
He was getting stronger and tougher, growing to his goal while you were stuck in your life, still just a little pawn in Shigarakis decaying hands.
You didn’t feel like fighting him-you still felt guilty for the way you had ended things with him, even though it was weeks after. You knew it had to be done in order to protect him, but you also knew it had hurt him to the point of no return.
 He had to have hated you now, and honestly, you didn’t blame him-it just hurt to know you lost a love you still felt. And it was your fault.
Kirishima watched your every move, not suspecting a thing-you were just another thug, another puny Villain he had to take down. Even though it was decent fun to take a criminal down, dealing with witnesses, the police, and paperwork was quite the opposite. But it’d get his mind off of his own misery.
The Villain seemed strange though-as if they were terrified by the mere sight of him. They weren’t even trying to bad mouth him, which was a definite first for him. It was hard to see in the dark alleyway, but he could make out the outline of the thief trying to quickly dodge him, trying to break into a run to get out of the cramped dead end.
Kirishima swiftly grabbed the arm of their leather jacket, pulling your squirming body close to his.
You were screaming internally-he needed to let go, he had to let go. Your heart felt like it was ripping apart, the sudden memories flooding your body as you remembered how it felt to be so close to him, to be so intimate you could see the flecks of brown in his vermillion red eyes. You didn’t want him to realize it was you, to see you as his enemy yet again. You couldn’t bear to see the heartbreak and disappointment in his eyes, your hands clawing to get away.
“Hey-just calm down a little-“ he huffed out, the words separated as he tried to keep a hold on your body.
It was strange to him though-you weren’t even talking, not a peep was spilling out of your lips. You seemed pretty young, and by your smaller frame, you were most likely female. You seemed 
so scared, your eyes bright with desperation and fright. 
His larger hands kept you close to him, his heart pinging with hurt-
There was no way this was you. He was going crazy-those weren’t your eyes.
But God, they looked so familiar-your eyes looked exactly like that the day you two broke up. Full of fear and sadness and guilt-
This wasn’t you, this couldn’t be you, but-if it was-
With one hand firmly wrapped your waist and another shakily reaching toward your mask, your body fighting desperately to get him to stop. Even through your attempts, he pulled the material gently off your skin, The flimsy black mask falling to the ground pitifully. your face looking down at the ground with embarrassment, now knowing your cover was blown.
Kirishima's heart beat painfully-it was you, this was you.
What had happened?
“Y-y/n?” He stuttered out, his voice caught pitifully in his throat.
You swallowed thickly, trying to shove the dry ball of embarrassment down your throat.
“H-hi Kiri,” 
He quickly let go of you, his body blocking your exit as he stared at you in disbelief.
You looked so different, so unlike you-you were wearing a completely black outfit, the material shiny like wet rocks near a dark river. Your hair was pulled back painfully tight, your eyes looking down at your scuffed combat boots in despair.
You looked so defeated and so sad, as if there was no happiness left in your body.
Who even were you?
“What happened to you? Why are stealing? Where have you even been?” He bombarded you with questions, his voice getting more and more authoritative and desperate as questions flooded his mind.
You couldn’t even think to comprehend an answer to any of them-you just needed to forget this encounter ever happened. For your and Kirishima’s sanity and, most importantly, safety.
“Just let me go Kirishima,” you dodged his question, taking a step forward to push your way out of the alleyway.
Kirishima's body was bigger and stronger though, and with each shuffle you attempted he would close the gap between you two, blocking your escape solely with his body.
“No, I-I need answers y/n,” he replied. His voice sounded so hurt, so full of anguished you felt your heart break a little more. He was still hurting, and now he was confused, seeing you all dressed up and committing crimes like a low level Villian. 
“I need to know what happened to you.”
You faulted in your step, staring at Kirishima with wide, mournful eyes. You made yet another attempt to surpass him, your shoulder a mere centimeters away from his as you tried to walk past him.
“Nothing happened Kirishima, please just let me-“
If you thought you were going to leave that easily, you were crazy. 
He swiftly grabbed your arm, his calloused hands rough against the leather of your jacket. Even through the thick material you could feel how warm he was-he always radiated such heat and brightness.
“Why did you leave UA?” He was abrupt with his question, but the hint of softness faltered his harsh exterior-he was still worried for you.
A deep sigh cascaded from your lips, your brow starting to sweat. You were tired of dealing with this heavy burden, this spider web of lies you had created for your own self. You still loved Kiri, yes, but your relationship was over and done. There was really no fear of judgement anymore. Hell, he just saw you steal a wallet like a low level thug-how much more could he judge you in this moment?
“You want the truth Kiri?” Your voice was blunt, and monotone, a shield from your true emotions. 
“You want to know who I really am? I-I’m a Villian. I work for the LOV. I only went to UA because I had to listen to Shigaraki. He needed info and I was the only one to do it.”
You sneaked a peek at Kirishima's face, a slight grimace on your lips as you anticipated the look of disgust on his face. Your heart thumped painfully, waiting for him to look at you with revulsion, but-it never came. His bright vermillion eyes still stared down at you softly, his eyes coated with worry and sympathy. 
“So-you were being forced?”
“At first I wanted to do it-b-but after I while, I started to change my mind,” 
he was so warm, his body heat seeping into your cold skin like a fire on a winter's night. Even now, in this dark alley, exactly 3 months from your terrible breakup-he still could make you feel safe. He was your home in the snow storm, so warm and comforting when the rest of the world was so unforgiving and icy. You relished the feeling of his calloused palms on your body, wishing those hands were on your skin instead of your jacket so they could  slowly  warm your whole body with their wonderful  heat.
“Then why did you leave?”
You gulped, licking your lips tentatively. Did you really want to tell him the truth? Tell him how weak you truly were? You honestly didn’t, a part of you screaming to just feed him a lie that would satiate you both-but the thought of living with even more of a guilty conscience made your mouth go dry. He didn't deserve another lie-after all you did to him, Kirishima deserved the truth. 
“I-I didn’t want to get hurt. I didn’t want you to get hurt. If Shigaraki found out I was considering leaving the LOV, he would have done anything in his power to keep me.”
“You don’t know the League like I do. When I mean he would do anything-he would do anything-including killing.”
Kirishima's eyes momentarily widened, the brutal words cutting the air like a knife. It didn’t surprise him, though-he was a hero in training after all. He had been in too many dangerous run ins with villians-hell, he couldn’t even count how many times he could have died just in his first year at UA. Death was a recurring threat in Kirishima's life, and , for better or worse, it didn’t scare him as much as it used to.
“Kiri-I-I lied to you to keep you safe. You meant the world to me-You still do. I still think about you all the time, and I know you probably hate me, but I still love you. I never stopped.”
He watched your eyes turn down in shame, your head hanging low as if you were carrying a great burden. It was painstakingly obvious you were feeling guilty and remorseful, and his heart throbbed at the thought that of you being forced to continue on with this life. We all made dumb mistakes when we were younger-you shouldn’t have to keep the burden of your past decisions still. 
As much as he felt sympathy for you, he couldn't help but feel so happy that you still had feelings for him. No matter how he spun it, he still cared for you and loved you with all his heart-hearing The same thoughts come from you just made him fall for you even more.
He gingerly took your chin in his hands, his calloused digits lifting your sullen head in order for him to look at you fully. Even when you looked so downtrodden, you were absolutely beautiful to him, and he couldn’t help but smile.
“God, take the words right out of mouth, huh?”
Kirishima's heartbeat feverishly in his chest-what he was about to do was so incredibly risky, but he had to do it. Too many nights he spent dreaming and remembering you, the memories bitter sweet. Now that he had you in front of him, he was going to take any chance he could go get those sensations back in his life.
Kirishima placed his lips gently on yours, knocking the wind out of your lungs. You couldn’t breathe-it was like you were drowning on his essence-yet you couldn’t careless. Warmth filled your stomach, fueling all over your body like a hot flame. It was so comforting and surreal to be feeling this again, to have Kirishima's hot lips pressed against yours.
He parted from you, both of you buzzing with electricity. It was surprising how much truth that kiss held-it melted the cocoon you two had around your hearts, allowing you two to see how much you had truly missed each other.
“ Y/n, I miss you, I knew that night you said you didn’t love me, something wasn’t right,” he spoke, his breath fanning your lips gently. “I knew there was more than what you were letting on.”
Kirishima grabbed your arms suddenly, looking you square in the face with intense eyes.
“ Y/n, you should have left then and there! We would have protected you! I would have protected! I promise I wouldn’t have let anything happen to you-“
“Y/n, you need to leave them, please,”
You sighed, hating how quickly the air thickened with the remembrance of your current situation. 
“Kiri, I don’t want anybody to potentially get hurt because of my dumbass decisions, I’m fine, I can handle myself-“
“Y/n, no your not fine! Look at you-,”he motioned to your clothing and your sullen face, “this isn’t you at all! 
“Kiri, please, don’t give me false hope-“ you shoved him off, wrapping your arms around your body to protect yourself. If you didn’t get control of yourself, you would follow his words in a heartbeat. As much as you would love to run into the strong arms of Kirishima, for him to warm your numb body with his positive energy- you knew it was dangerous. You didn’t want anybody to get hurt over you.
“It isn’t false hope though….” He smiled sweetly at you, his hand stretched out to you, “please, just take my hand, Kay? Nothing bad will happen, I promise,”
You stared at him long and hard, your eyes wide with fear and uncertainty-he was so genuine, so warm, so forgiving. He wanted to help you, he was willing and ready. He wanted to fight the world with you by his side, to protect the people he needed to protect with his loving energy. Kirishima had a way of making you believe anything that came out of his mouth, and you were falling for his spell. You didn’t know if it was the shock from seeing him after so long, his kiss, or just from wanting to leave so badly, but you stretched out your hand, ready for him to take you away.
a cruel, scraggly voice boomed from the shadows, “He promises to keep his little love bird safe.”
“How touching.”
You two spun your heads around at the sound of the ominous voice, your blood running cold.
“Shigaraki,” you gasped out, your eyes glued onto your leader. 
He was smiling a sick grin, his expression sadistic and cruel as he stood in a few paces away from you two. He was clothed in his Villain suit, his clothes tattered and dark like the Grim Reaper himself.
 Spinner and Twice were standing close by, surveying the scene from above as Shigaraki sauntered to you two. Kirishima's expression instantly turned from softness to determination, his body instantly turning to shield yours.
“Oh no need to act so heroic hero,” he grinned, his tone sickeningly sweet life cough syrup.
“Just give us our comrade and we’ll be on our way.”
“You're not going anywhere with her!” Kirishima yelled, his quirk activating in his arm as he shielded you from Shigaraki. “She doesn’t want to be with you scumbags anymore!”
“I’d watch your tone if I were you, especially for trying to defend a spineless traitor like her.”
Kirishima's face turned red in anger, his whole body now turning as solid as a rock as he charged your former leader.
“You piece of-“ 
Shigaraki continued the sick grin plastered on his face as Spinner and Twice instantly jumped from their positions, grabbing Kirishima's arms and roughly slamming him into the nearby wall. You heard the air forces out of Kirishima's lungs, his face contorted in pain. Your heart felt as if it was getting stabbed as you watched Kirishima struggle against their holds.
“Kirishima!” You screamed, your body yelling at you to help him-but you knew you couldn’t take on those two by yourself, not even including Shigaraki.
You turned to the villainous man in front of you, your eyes pleading.
“Shigaraki, please, tell them to let him go-let him go!”
He took a step toward you, his footsteps ringing slowly like the ticks of an old clock.
“Oh, I will,” he replied, his voice low and sadistic, “-when you rejoin the League.
“ I’d kill you right now for being such a selfish brat if I didn’t need you-so take it as a gift. I’ll spare your life if you just come-“
“Never,” you spat at him, fear filling your stomach with your defiance. You were surprised to hear how steady your voice was, but the slight Tremble in your fists said otherwise.
“Fine then,” he smirked, “suit yourself-“
With a wave of his decaying hands, Spinner and Twice began to use their full force on Kirishima-punching, kicking, anything to torture him. He was trying his best to block them, even with his quirk-but they were quite strong, especially once Twice used his quirk to produce more of his own body. It quickly began evident that Kirishima was having a hard time to fight off the villains, his Stance slowly becoming weaker and weaker as his face began to bruise and his arm dusted with his own blood.
You were hopeless to just watch, watching your worst fear come to life-people we’re already getting hurt over you.
Anger filled your stomach, licking up your body like hot flames as you turned to charge Shigaraki, fire in your eyes.
“Stop it you crusty ass-“ you yelled out, your fists out as you tried to land a punch on the Villian.
He seemed to know your exact movements though, his hands harshly grabbing your wrists and mouth, colliding your body with his.
“I’d watch that mouth of yours if I were you, unless you want it to disintegrate-along with the rest of you-“
Shit.
You had momentarily forgotten about Shigaraki’s dangerous quirk-one wrong move and you could be a heap on the ground, nothing more. The fingers around your mouth were delicate, knowing full well you wouldn’t try and escape. They drummed playfully against your mouth, as if taunting you to do something foolish. You felt how cold he was, the feeling of his chapped skin on yours disgusting as he toyed with your life in his hands. 
It was all a game for him-and he was winning.
“Look at him-“ Shigaraki ordered, the grip around your mouth suddenly tightening as he twisted your head to face Kirishima's misery.  
“You caused this, y/n. All this pain, all this suffering. If you leave, he will be the first we target. Well slowly go after each and every person you have ever loved, until we finally come for you.”
“Now, you don’t want that, do you?”  He asked, his face tilting in order to see your answer. You forced yourself to not look at him, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing the small tears running down your cheeks. 
All you could muster was a small shake of your head, the vibration of your movement going through Shigarakis finger tips.
Through the fists and clones he was trying to fight off, Kirishima could see you shaking your head, Shigaraki looking practically happy by your answer. A sinking feeling filled Kirishima's stomach as he saw your body language slouch in defeat. He Tried to call at you, to stop you from agreeing to whatever was coming out of Shigarakis lying lips, but at that moment one of the clones landed a solid punch to his stomach. Kirishima felt all the air leave out of his lungs , his knees wobbling and hitting the floor as his head spun from the pain.
Shigaraki still had his hold on you, watching how your face crumpled as you watched Kirishima fall and unable to help.
“Good, now, will you come and rejoin?” He asked one last time, motioning for his comrades to move away from Kirishima and back to their spot on the roof of the alleyway.
He knew now he had you under his finger, knowing the show he had just made you watched instilled enough fear for you to never leave his team again. He watched your eyes cower to give one last look at Kirishima's crumpled body, your shoulders tense with stress.
“I-I’ll rejoin the League,” you whispered out, feeling the hold Shigaraki had on you loosen. 
It was tearing you up inside to see Kirishima so bruised and hurt on the ground-you focused on the signs of him breathing, his broad chest rising and falling as he struggled to push himself back up. That small evidence gave you courage, your heart racing as you will yourself to continue with the plan you had secretly been concocting this whole time.
You grunted, a sly smirk erupting on your face.
“After I do this-“
You swiftly grabbed Shigarakis arm, twisting it in an excruciating position behind his back. He yelled out in pain, a string of curses filling the night as you rammed your fist into his chest, sending the air out of his lungs. He stumbled dramatically, dry coughs spewing out of his lungs as his knees hit the floor. 
“You no longer have power over me-none of you do,” you stood defiantly in that alleyway, watching your ex comrades stare at you in shock and awe. In all your time with the LOV, you had never defied them. Not once. You were always so obedient, which was why Shigaraki loved to have you around as a n asset to his team-you were so easy to keep around his finger. 
But now you were clearly being rebellious, your stony face telling the whole group you had changed-you didn’t give a damn about their threats and their rules anymore. You wouldn’t be coming back.
A burst of fear and extreme annoyance flooded Shigarakis' system, the pain of your kick aiding fuel to the flame. He growled, a curse directed at you dribbling from his lips as his thin legs wobbled his body weight up. His mouth opened to send you another string of curses, ready to unleash his full wrath on you for embarrassing him so much, until a characteristic siren filled the night air.
Kirishima propped himself onto his knees, a tried grin gracing his bruising lips.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you-“
His hand lifted, showing the whole group a small contraption in his hand. In the darkness of the alleyway it was hard to tell what it was, but it seemed Kirishima was holding a phone, a route to your location lighting up the screen.
“My mentor gave all us heroes-in-training a tracker, just in case we get into any trouble. While you were blabbering on about plans, I sent the heroes our location.”
Kirishima smiled triumphantly at the fearful faces of Shigaraki’s comrades, Shigarakis own fave contorted in rage. 
The sirens were slowly getting louder, the colors of blue and red dancing lightly against the stony walls of the alley way.
“So unless you wanna get caught by the heroes,” he added in, his tone surprisingly friendly, “ I suggest you go.”
Shigaraki seemed waver, trying to see if he could still get you back under the terrible circumstances. But the cops were practically here, the sounds of car doors slamming being heard. He had to admit it to himself-he lost this battle. He gave you one last scornful look, his bloody irises sending a shiver down your spine as he took off with his comrades, not leaving a trace.
You could already hear the police officers stepping out of their cars, fear flooding your stomach. Even though you had just defied the League, you were still a criminal. You had been doing illegal activities for months now-hell, you just stole a girls wallet 15 minutes ago and it was still in your damn pocket.
Even though a part of you was screaming for you to run as well, you fought off that flight response in order to help Kirishima off the floor.
His skin still feels warm, your hands making sure not to touch the tender parts of his skin from his fight. Even though he was smiling, you could tell he was in some pain. Your worst fear was already being realized-he got hurt over you. For you. You could never repay him for that, the guilt seeping into your core. 
“Kiri are you okay? Please tell me you are,” you pushed out, the tone of your voice desperate and pleading. “I’m so sorry-“
Kirishima looked up, his vermillion eyes as bright as ever as he caresses your cheek, sweeping the single tear off your face.
 “For what? You did nothing wrong y/n, you don’t have to be so sad over me-this is my job after all!” He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood as you began to help him stand up. He was slightly wobbly on his feet but seemed to be doing just fine. 
He gave you a small smile, a hint of worry in his eyes as he heard footsteps coming behind him.
“Just-let me do the talking, Kay?” He waited for you to give him a nod, his hands giving yours a gentle squeeze.
“Do you still have the wallet you stole?”
“The-? Oh, yeah, I do,” you stated quickly, the wallet resurfacing in your mind as you rummaged in your jacket, pulling it out and shoving it into his hand.
“Thanks,” he smiled at you, his cheeks warm as he faltered for the smallest second. 
It was evident he wanted to lean in and kiss you-the way he stared at your lips was quite evident and brought a blush to your cheeks. 
But Kirishima was still on duty, and couldn’t be so openly romantic when he was in his hero suit as well being approached by law enforcement. He instead opted to kiss your cheek, the smooth skin of his lips warming your whole body as he walked over to greet the police officer. 
Kirishima has spoke to the police officer for quite a while, a few others watching close behind as they surveyed you. You felt strange, standing there so alone as you watched Kirishima talk to the officer so warmly. 
You didn’t know what he was saying, or what he was doing, but you were hoping he was somehow sweet talking the officers. You watched him point to you at one point, his warm smile assuring your terrified face as the officer looked you up and down tentatively.
He motioned you to come over, as if trying to get a frightened animal to come near him. You followed his command, your steps hesitant as you approached the two men.
The officer face was hardened until he saw the look of terror on your face, his expression softening slightly.
“This is her?” He asked gruffly, turning to Kirishima.
“Yes,” he nodded his head in confirmation. “The LOV have been brainwashing her for their plans-she has intel the heroes could use to our advantage. Fat Gum’s agency needs her straight away in order to get that info from her. I promise we will get her in the system and any other information you may need on file.”
The officer gave you two a long look, sighing as he scratched his chin.
“Alright,” he complied, a huge smile erupting on Kirishimas face. “You two need a ride? You look pretty messed up.”
Kirishima gave a small chuckle, scratching the back of his head. “Uh-yeah, THAT'D be pretty nice actually-“
After the small car ride to Fat Gum’s agency, you had helped Kirishima out of the car and to Fat Gum’s office at the top floor. It seemed like someone had already alerted Fat Gum to Kirishima's arrival, because you two were instantly met by the pro hero with worried eyes once you reached his office.
“God Kirishima you had me so worried for a second!” He yelled, striding over to the bruised hero, “that receptionist really made it sound like you were in need of medical attention or something-“
“I’m fine Fat, you don’t gotta worry about me!” Kirishima said good naturedly, his perfect teeth glistening in the fluorescent lights. “I actually have some things I need your help with-“
“You definitely do if you're bringing a civilian into the office,” FatGum stared down at you with a warm smile, your heart beating guiltily. It was strange to see the hero in normal clothing in not in his larger form, his stature so much smaller it seemed from his usually large frame.
“The names Fat, but you can call me Taishiro!” He held out his hand in front of you, his bright personality radiating off of him, “and you are-“
“I-I’m y/n, sir,” you said hesitantly, taking your smaller hand in his. He was just as warm as Kirishima, like a bright ball of sun. 
No wonder Kirishima interned with Fatgum-he was just like him. Bright, fun, kind. Everything you so dearly craved for in your life, but couldn't quite grasp.
“I’m sorry, I’m not a civilian-I’m a criminal, a Villian,” you muttered sadly, your head hanging low, “well, I was-“
Fat Gum gave Kirishima a confused look, his happy exterior dropping slightly. 
“She was being forced to be a Villain by Shigaraki,” Kirishima quickly stepped forward, his tone serious as he defended you. “She wanted to leave the LOV, but they were threatening her.
“She didn’t do anything wrong-she just wanted to protect herself and the people around her.”
Fat Gum scratched the side of his cheek, his eyes lost in thought.
“Well Thats a strange situation to be in-I’m assuming you two know each other?”
You looked at Kirishima, red blossoming your cheeks just like his. 
Maybe it wasn’t the best time to tell his mentor that you had dramatically broke up with Kirishima over 3 months ago.
“We uh-“ Kirishima started, his voice wavering in uncertainty.
“We were classmates,” you chided in quickly, “I went to UA along with Kirishima, but the LOV forced me to leave the school.”
Fat Gum nodded his head, a sigh escaping his lips. “So-you’ve been working as a Villain, but against your will?”
You nodded your head, your breath caught in your throat as you awaited for the hero's reaction to this news of your true identity.
“This will get a little fuzzy legal wise, especially if people are looking for you-some may not trust what you say, even if you left the League and do everything in your power to change their minds.”
“Don’t worry though, I believe you,” the hero placed his hand in your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I believe Red Riot full heartedly in his perception of others and I’m pretty good at reading people too. I can tell youre not what the League tried to make you into.”
He sent you a warm grin, making you feel safe for what had felt like a long time.
“Would you be willing to answer questions about the League? about how they operate, how large they are, their plans-“
“Yes, anything to end them and help the heroes,” you answered quickly, your tone set in determination, “I’d be willing to do all of it.”
“Well that settles it!” Fat Gum said happily, the smile back on his face. “Tomorrow we’ll start talking to you about your experience with the League-but you two seem to need a well deserved nap.”
“Why don’t you keep her in your apartment Kirishima?” FatGum turned to the hero, Kirishimas dusted in pink by the proposition. “Shell feel
a little more comfortable since you're someone she knows, and she’s also close to the agency.”
Fat Gum gave you a soft smile, his eyes filled with reassurance. “Heroes will be around all day and all night, so nobody can come in and out.”
It surprised you how intuitive the hero was-he knew exactly how you were feeling. 
Even though you knew it was foolish, you still felt that somehow the League would find you and try to bring you back. You had clearly defied them, and it scared you that they be trying to get their revenge. 
But Fatgums charming smile was so reassuring and welcoming, you couldn’t give him a small smile back.
“I think I can manage that arrangement.”
“Good then,” he gave you two one last smile, ushering you two out the door, “make sure to get some rest-tomorrow will definitely be a long day. Make sure those injuries are doing well too, alright?”
You both gave the hero a curt response, turning your backs from the now closed doors.
Kirishima's heart began to beat intensely, his stomach filling with butterflies.
You had agreed to stay in his room? God, if someone had told him a few hours ago you’d be staying the night with him, he’d wouldn’t believe it for a second. But now this was happening, and he couldn’t be more ecstatic or nervous.
He stared at your profile, not missing the dusting of red on your cheeks-you were nervous too? It made him feel a little better inside, a small smile gracing his lips as he stretched out his hand.
“You ready?”
You looked down at the outstretched sha s in front of you, taking his palm in yours tentatively.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” 
He lead you through the agency, taking an elevator a few levels down in order to get to the apartments specifically for the heroes in training.
It was a short trip, but the fatigue that wa a beginning to hit your body was making it feel so much longer. The adrenaline rush you had felt all night was wearing off, your eyes fluttering as you will yourself to stay awake.
Kirishima noticed your sleepy state, a small chuckle escaping from his chest.
“You feeling tired?”
“Just-a little,” you yawned out, wrapping your hands around your body.
“Don’t worry-were almost at my place,” he gave you a sweet smile, his hands outstretched for yours as the elevator door opened. You took it gratefully, letting him lead you to his door as he opened it with ease.
You stepped inside, adjusting from the darkness as you took in the sight in front of you.
The room smelled of him-the warm and musky scent ofhis cologne lingering in the air. It was almost teasing you with its memories, a wave of comfort washing over you as you recalled all the times you buried your nose into his neck and smelled his scent. 
His room was pretty neat, surprisingly, his desk organized and his walls decorated with a few posters. You recognized some from his old room at UA-a Crimson Riot, his favorite band, and even a calendar he used to use frequently.
Some areas of his room signaled the busy life of his work stidy, his unmade bed strewn with clothing he had hastily ripped off, a small pile of clothes in a pile and his laptop charging in a corner of the room.
Kirishima cursed himself as he looked around the room, painstakingly noticing every little detail and mess, hating how he hadn’t cleaned up his room that day.
“Sorry for the mess, I didn’t expect to have anyone,” he chuckled nervously, already going around and picking up his things.
“It’s fine-I like it,” 
You were speaking the truth when you said it-you liked how it was so him, showing a glimpse into his daily life. It was warm and comforting, even residential, to see him in his day to day life.
“You do?”
You hummed a “yes”, feeling your heart beat fast when Kirishima closed the gap between you two, his palms gently grasping your arms. He breathed in a deep sigh, holding you close.
“God, you don’t know how much I missed you,” he sighed out breathlessly.
“I missed you too Kiri,” you looked down, old guilt resurfacing inside you, “I’m still sorry for being so-so mean to you-I should have just told you the truth, I shouldn't have lied-“
Kirishima smiled softly, lifting your chin with his finger.
“Don’t worry about that! That was in the past-now it’s just you and me, kay? You don’t have to worry about any of that, now”
He gave you a long look, sorry buried in his brows as you ran his fingers along your skin, feeling the bags under your eyes. You inhaled a deep breath, loving the electricity Kirishima set into your skin just from his touch.
“You really are tired, huh?” He asked quietly, his voice husky from exhaustion himself.
“And you're not?” You gave him a quirky smile, making him blush with a chuckle.
“Well, I didn’t say that,” he gave you a small grin, his hands returning back to their spots on your arms.
“Do you wanna sleep? You can take the bed if you want-I know it’s not made, but I can sleep on the couch if you’d like-“
“I want to sleep with you,” you replied softly, your eyes widening once you realized what you had just said.
You wanted to sleep with him? God, you sounded so perverted! 
“I-I mean I want to go to bed with you-I didnt mean-I just didn’t want to make you sleep somewhere else, since this your room-“
Kirishima's face was incredibly red, but the smile was still plastered on his face.
“Oh it’s alright, I really don’t mind either way.“
He pulled himself away from you gently, as he began searching through his dresser for some clothes.
“So-bed together?”
“Yup!” You replied back, popping the p as You sat on the unmade bed, your fingers dragging against the plus fabric as Kirishima turned around, sitting in front of you as he handed you one of his shirts.
“I know you don’t have any pajamas, so you can wear one of my shirts until we get you some clothes.”
“Mm, sounds good,” you smiled tenderly, loving how close he was as you ran your hands through his hair.
He sighed into your touch as he nuzzled into your skin, his breath warm against your skin.
He sat there for a few moments, finally rising sluggish and slow.
“Gotta move-or I’ll fall asleep right there,” he chuckled, walking over to the front of his closet. He began to take off the pieces of his hero suit, the large gears on his arms hitting the floor with a thud.
You admired how broad his shoulders were, the way his muscles rippled so evidently as he moved his bones to his will. He was so perfectly built, you could t help but drool at the firmness of his skin.
“Having fun over there?,” he turned around, a shit eating grin plastered on his face as he undid the belt around his waist.
“Just a little,” you gave him a small grin, hear flooding your face as you held the shirt close to your chest.
“You can go change in the bathroom if you’d like-you don’t have to stay out here if you’re not comfortable,” 
“And what if I am?” 
You laughed at the clearly evident blush on his cheeks, his face trying to hide the rush of embarrassment.
“Your a handful,” he chuckled, his hand running through his hair nervously.
He knew you were joking, and you two had only sorta, maybe gotten back together lass than an hour ago-but damn if he wasn’t nervous and excited by you being so flirtatious-in his room. 
For the rest of the night. 
You gave him one last smile before you disappeared into the bathroom, your hands closing the door gently.
God, it felt so nice to be in his arms again, to feel safe and warm. You had missed the fluttering feeling Kirishima gave you, like you could fly away  at any moment and you could care less. You brought your nose to the cloth of the worn shirt, the powerful smell of his detergent and cologne washing over you. It was so comforting, a nostalgic feeling filling your body as you remembered how much you missed his scent. 
You quickly stripped of your clothes, happy to be free of the uncomfortable garments finally. Since Kirishima didn’t hand you any shorts to wear, you decided to only wear the shirt he had given you over your underwear. The softness of the shirt felt so relaxing against your tired skin, almost like getting a hug from the boy himself. You smiled a deep sigh, happy to see that the shirt was long enough to at least cover your underwear from plan view and you splashed your face with some cold water, rinsing away all the fears from tonight.
You would have a long day tomorrow answering questions about the League-you could at least give yourself tonight to forget and be worry free.
Kirishima was hastily changing before you came out of the bathroom, dreading the idea of you seeing him half naked as he swapped out of his hero suit. He opted to wear something comfortable, grey sweatpants and an old black tshirt, his body running frantically to clean his room. Now that he got the chance to properly clean his room, he was a mad man trying to make it to his liking. He shoved clothes into his closet, made his bed, even hiding cords under his bed. 
If you were going to be in his room, he was at least going to give off some impression of him being neat.
He was now laying on his newly made bed, his hands occupied with checking his phone as he heard the bathroom door opening, your footsteps soft on the carpet of his room.
He looked up, a question about to fall from his lips until his mind went completely blank at the sight of you.
There you were, standing in his room, looking as beautiful as ever wearing his shirt and nothing else. He couldn't help but stare at your legs, worshipping the curves as his mouth was agape from awe.
He didn’t fully prepare himself at the sight of you in his clothes, but god did you wear them so perfectly-
“You okay Kiri?” You gave a nervous laugh, striding over to the bed, settling your knees on the plush comforter.
The shirt road up from the movement t, showing more of those pretty thighs of yours that made him practically drool.
“Ne-never been better!” He tried to compose himself, his voice rising slightly.
God, he needed to get ahold of himself.
“You look pretty comfy,” he gave a small comment on your outfit, loving how bashful you look at the comment.
“Of course I am,” you replied back, crawling over to his side of the bed. He gulped at the sight of you coming so close to him, “I’m in your clothes after all.”
You sat your body next to Kirishima, your hand finding his as your other lightly rested on his stomach. 
“You know, I’ve always thought you looked good in anything,” he smiled, his eyes dark like wine, “but you wearing my clothes-you looked best in that,” 
“Really?” You gave the boy a shit eating grin, knowing full well you were playing a dangerous game now.
This night could end in two different scenarios: one could complicate things, and one could really complicate things.
You’d take the latter, if he was willing.
You shifted your body around him, straddling his waist as his shirt rode up, exposing your thighs even more.
“And what about when they're not on?”
Kirishima's heart beat at an insane pace in his chest-was this wrong to do? He didn’t know and frankly, he didn’t care at that moment.
He returned the smile, his hands traveling underneath the soft shirt.
“Even better.”
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Tagging (anyone who commented or asked for a part 2- I tried to get everyone!):
@cellotonin​ @bakugous-forehead​ @lgbtonystarks​ @marrypuffsstuff​ @lady-bakuhoe​ @kurinhimenezu​ @hipster-merchant-of-death​ @hot-pocket01​ @bubblegum-bee-otch​ @kai-charm​
93 notes · View notes
caandlelit · 4 years
Note
HATE to that person but do you wanna give up some league in quarantine hcs, maybe with hawks depending on if you hate him rn
oh my fucking god ur asking me for quarantine hcs,,,,,,,, lets take a moment to acknowledge that thats a thing that you just did,,,,
like ill dO IT but like,,, after im done laughing my ass off 2020 is off the shits 
okay so this is like assuming that the league are all chill and vibing and alive at the time of corona alright
no one is in a glass jar pulling a mewtwo yet, no one is in jail with their past being revealed yet, no one is TRYING TO KILL TWICE
its corona time
so there would be absolutely no change in shigaraki’s behavior he already just sits around inside gaming and slash or planning a revolution and both of these are strictly indoor activities 
theyre not even allowed to take mariokart out of his room 
kurogiri forbid it after toga made an attempt on dabi’s life 
so shigaraki finds out theyre in quarantine when he realizes
dabi hasnt disappeared mysteriously and come back looking like someone mauled his neck for a whole week !
naturally he walks blearily out of his room at an ungodly hour bc he got thirsty and sees spinner, twice and toga playing monopoly while dabi sulks on the couch and hes like
‘what the fuck is going on’
kurogiri takes precautions !!!
not in a rich white person way 
more like
hes sanitizing the bar more often
he makes sure the gang has masks for if they feel the need to yolo and venture outside
he makes a dramatic speech 
‘so im sure ur all wondering why ive asked you here’
‘we cant leave kurogiri just get on with it’ - bitchy and tired and emo
hes embarrassed about it but he goes on 
‘please,,,, im begging you all,,,,,,, wash your hands i know some of you think of yourselves as above it but tomura i am begging-’
ok 
look im not calling him out or anything, no tomura hate i think hes very sexy (now... he wasnt at the start)
but does he LOOK like the kind of guy whos always washed his hands after pissing ? nO he looks like the guy who was recently cornered by his friends to under no uncertain terms, ‘wash your hair you can scheme later’
hes had a lot of character growth 
toga is really incredibly disappointed nothing is happening this sucks
sticks up a one of those small whiteboards up on the wall in the bar 
it says in bright red marker ‘⬜ days since quarantine’ 
shes also one of those ‘fearless’ kids,,,, 
shes like ‘no illness can hurt me im not afraid !!!’ 
sneezes once and she sits wondering if she should panic
starts wearing the mask,,,,
jin is kinda like 
just walking around as cool as you please
and compress, whos been freaking and panicking since day one, corners him and hes like ‘why ! arent ! you ! affected !’
‘i wear a mask !!!!!!!!!!! daily!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck could HAPPEN im basically in a hazmat suit im FINE’
compress is like ‘huh. reasonable’
spinner is unafraid he is a lizardman he will be okay
love him
boi got ,,, opinions,,,,,,,,
his take is that the government is either exaggerating because rich people are afraid
or that theyre hiding the full extent of the disease from news media
he doesnt know that its both
dabi is a walking talking freakshow
like okay hes horny and mad and sick and tired of being stuck at league hq 
he walks around with his eyes wide and unseeing and shigaraki is staring to get worried because he’s scaring the newbies
‘dabi what the fuck is wrong with you’
dabi, numbly: if endeavor dies because of coronavirus i’m going to hunt down the root of this virus and kill everyone starting with them
shigaraki exhales and purses his lips
slaps him on the back a few times in vague comfort and moves on
dabi’s also like
again 
‘really horny’
thats his excuse for why hes moping around 
when hes not bitching about endeavor to everyone who’ll listen
but he misses hawks
and he wishes he couldve been at hawks’ place when the quarantine was announced
hes complaining on the sofa to spinner on the first weekend as the rest of the league play risk, which shigaraki is dominating and absolutely demolishing everyone in
when
!!!!!!!! hawks appears !!!!!!!!
hawks at home on the fourth day of self isolation: *texting twice* sos please send teleportation guy ujiko whatshisname i miss u guys lol
twice, not knowing hes gonna kill him: aw okay fuck yeah ! bitch !
hawks at home ‘ahhh twice. what a nice guy. what a good dude. what a real homie’
hawks shows up at the league hq 6 days late with starbucks and tells himself hes using the quarantine as an excuse to get closer to the league but he misses dabi’s face 
appears and falls onto the risk board as dabi is mid sentence going 
‘god what id give to have him appear in my lap’
then everyone is shouting hysterically, shigaraki is pissed bc he was winning, toga is excited bc this is the coolest thing to happen in a week, twice is triumphant bc he organized this, dabi is stILL somehow complaining because ‘i said LAP was that TOO MUCH for the universe’ and hawks beams at the mayhem because he missed them
can u ??? tell im bitter ???? about something?????? 
179 notes · View notes
lordseochangbin · 4 years
Text
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50 shades of changbin: part three
“you shouldn’t be here princess” he growled into your ear.
the words went straight to your legs, your knees on the verge of giving up. not only at the closeness of your two bodies but the need of some pleasure hit hard, but you couldn’t help to realize changbin must’ve been some maniac.
“y-you’re right” you stuttered, “i should go” you say, shoving yourself into his shoulder before running down the hall.
you didn’t know where you were going but you couldn’t stay knowing... knowing THAT was in the house. fuck, it sent your head to different places. would you even be able to concentrate if you stayed?
you took a quick turn before looking back to see changbin chasing after you. why was he chasing after you?! you felt scared, frightened.
by the time you could wrap all your thoughts together changbin had caught up to you, taking a hand out to hold your shoulder but quickly taking it back when he saw you flinch.
“y/n... are you okay? look we don’t have to if you don’t want to”
“if i don’t want to?!” you replied with a stern tone. “changbin i came here to get these fucking papers sighed!” you yelled, throwing the papers at his chest
“look y/n” he said, making an attempt to reach out for your hand again. you pulled in away in fright, a slight worry in his eyes throwing you off. “im sorry if i scared you, seriously you can sit down, ill sign the papers and give it back to you”
you didn’t reply, you couldn’t. if you did, you knew you would stutter or show some sort of scared emotion. you weren’t sure why he had that room there, but it somehow scared you more than appealed to you. however you liked changbin, you really did.
“it’s fine” you whispered, bending down to pick up the papers in front of him. in any other case, changbin probably would’ve remained standing and staring at your ass but he knew now wasn’t the time- he needed to be a gentlemen.
he got down on one knee to help you pick up the papers grabbing the remaining ones from your hands. “just give me a second” he said, before walking off into another room.
you wiped your tired eyes, taking a seat on a nearby chair before changbin could return.
“here you go” he replied before returning the papers back, “thank you for coming so late and getting this done”
“no problem” you replied as you got up out of your seat and walked towards the long standing doors.
“wait y/n” he called, making you turn around at your name
“yes? did i forget something?”
“no.. no i just..” changbin scratched the nape of his neck nervously before continuing, “i just wanted to know.. yesterday at the interview.. did you like it?” he asked, his eyes looking directly into yours
“d-did i like it?”
“yeah, yeah like did you... did you do it because you wanted to or for the job?” he asked in a voice so close to a whisper
“umm...” you started, uncertain of how to answer it. “i mean.. changbin you’re really good looking” you said with a chuckle, making him laugh nervously before you could continue
“..and i mean, i liked it. no worries.. it’s just i didn’t really see it coming”
“oh-oh okay! so you’d like... to take things slow?” he asked with uncertainty in his voice
“i mean... if you’d like that?”
“i mean... im not used to taking it slow but why don’t you stay over? it gets lonely being around here in this house sometimes”
“s-stay? as in se-”
“no! no ill be patient” he reassured, “so i’m thinking takeout and a movie?”
“lovely.” you said with a smile before he could pull you into a hug.
————
hours later, the two of you found yourselves wrapped around a huge blanket with a comedy action film playing on the tv.
sure, this wasn’t what changbin expected of his night but it made his heart feel somewhat warm. his first intentions were to get close to you, close enough that you’d allow him to dom you someday, but that wasn’t the case.
he enjoyed this. he enjoyed the smell of wine, and oh god would he love to taste it off those lips of yours. the ones that always pursed together from the bitter taste of red. it made his muscles stiff and his head full of thoughts.
“would you like another refill princess?”
you chuckled, throwing your head back at the nickname that sent chills down your body. “yes sir” you replied, taking another glass and clinking it with his before the both of you could down them.
“changbinnnnnn” you said with a soft smile, placing your head on his chest. “i want you sosososo baaaaaad”
“baby” he said, placing a kiss on your forehead, “not today”
what was this? changbin refusing? to you? it felt almost surreal, in fact something in him made him scoff at his own words.
to any other girl he’d have no shame, stripping you down to nothing and fucking you raw on this couch but something in him wanted to impress you. something in him wanted you to see more than ‘ceo seo changbin’. he wanted you to like him.
your eyes started to flutter shut before the sound of your phone could interrupt.
“oh! the phone” you chucked before grabbing it and answering
“myyyy bestie! my bestie i lalalaalove youuu sosossoo much! give me a kiss” you said into the phone
“oh god, are you drunk again y/n” a female voice replied over the phone
“nooooo im just horny” you chuckled, slapping changbin’s shoulder with your free hand at your absurdity
“y/n, im here at the airport. i finished up a shoot earlier and decided to come. ill call an uber to your house. is that fine?”
“ya...yayaya” you slurred until you could fall asleep on changbin’s chest, the phone falling in between you and changbin.
changbin looked down at the phone, calls of your name repeating following by a panic ‘where are you?!’ ‘y/n don’t lose me!’
he sighed to himself, not wanting to leave the anonymous voice any concern before taking it into his own hands. “don’t worry” he said into the phone, “ill take care of her”
“... and who am i speaking to?”
“changbin...uh..her boyfriend”
a shock appeared to be heard from the other line, “like seo changbin?!”
changbin furrowed his eyebrows in suspicion before replying, “yes..”
“it’s me... hannah. i missed you since high school”
changbin’s lips parted as he put the phone down, looking over at you softly snoring on his chest.
little did he know his past was going to catch up to him.
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hashtagartistlife · 4 years
Text
Maybe fate was called fate because some things weren’t choices; some things were simply written into his DNA, woven into the very fabric of the universe. World orders. The sky is blue. The sun is hot. He is in love with Kuchiki Rukia.
Kuchiki Rukia is dying.  
Ten years after the defeat of Yhwach, it’s time Ichigo and Rukia started facing some truths— about the world, about themselves, and about each other. 
this is all i have of this fic for now (this and a tiny little bit of chapter 3), i guess it’ll be updated when i woman the fuck up and wrack up enough nerves to keep writing which im hoping will be sometime this decade :’/ but i might post chapters i have for other unfinished fics i have over the next few days so if you’re into unfinished fics (read: literally nobody) then stick around!!! 
premise for this fic | chapter 1 here | this is chapter 2
________________________________________________________________
f r a y
by hashtagartistlife
________________________________________________________________
Two 
.
.
.
9:12 am 
Kurosaki Clinic
When Renji wakes up the next morning to find Rukia safely asleep beside him, he feels the tension across his shoulders ease somewhat. They’d both been a little worried about how her sleepwalking habit might fit into this visit (even though neither of them had voiced their concerns out loud), he more so than she for reasons he had yet to disclose to her. Her breathy sigh of ‘Ichigo?’ rings in his ears. He hadn’t seen a point in telling Rukia about that, not when she was still refusing to admit she had a problem in the first place. She’d just feel needlessly guilty and isolate herself even more. Renji knows how Rukia works. What he doesn’t know is how to break through that shell she builds around herself, how to draw her out of it and get her to face her problems head-on. 
No, he admits (and he’d be lying if he said there wasn’t a trace of bitterness in the way he thought it), that’s always been Ichigo’s specialty. He looks across the rowdy breakfast table to his friend, who is sitting uncharacteristically silent with a mug of something dark and unappetising in his hands. His eyes are shadowed, tired, and when he meets Renji’s gaze he starts almost guiltily before curving his lips into an uneasy smile. 
The hell’s all that about? Renji thinks, but then Ichika slams into his knee, shoving a glass of orange juice into his face, and he puts the moment out of his mind. The rest of the morning is filled with trying out some godawful beverage called ‘coffee’ at Orihime’s behest, wrangling Ichika into human world clothes, and sending the children off, along with their mothers, to go meet Sado. He and Ichigo stay back, Ichigo to tend to his clinic and he to go see Urahara. Since gensei visits were so few and far between, even on what was ostensibly a holiday they had been saddled with checking in on the shopkeeper to exchange news and technology. Renji figures he might as well get that out of the way first, and catch up with Sado later. 
At least, he figures that until Ichigo corners him just before he walks out the door, a dark expression on his face. He looks uncomfortable, standing in the doorway of his own house, a hand on the back of his neck, and Renji notes with a kind of detached surprise that if Ichigo hadn’t been slumping, they’d be more or less at a height now. He raises an eyebrow at him in a silent question. 
“A— about Rukia—” Ichigo stumbles over the syllables in her name, and stops, wetting his lips, looking nervous. A sense of foreboding settles into Renji’s gut; Ichigo hasn’t looked this worried in— well, a decade. He stays quiet, letting Ichigo finish his question. “Has she ever— has she ever sleepwalked before?”
He freezes in his tracks; frantically, Renji rewinds last night in his mind. It’s no use; he’d been out for the count for a solid eight hours. If he hadn’t been so tired lately, he’d have thought someone had spiked his drink. Try as he might, he can’t remember Rukia slipping out of bed at all. But she’d been back in bed by the morning, so someone must have intercepted her—
Ichigo. Rukia’s voice, ghostly in his mind, calling his name. Ichigo. Ichigo. Ichigo—
His breath leaves him in a long, long sigh, and Renji closes his eyes before gesturing for Ichigo to sit. 
.
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6:53 am
Ichigo doesn’t go back to his bed after the kiss. Instead he sits outside the clinic, on the cold hard asphalt, for one eternity— two— til the sun starts lightening the end of the street and the moon grows paler in the sky. He can still feel Rukia on his skin, in his veins, lingering like a drug that refuses to clear. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be empty of her touch now that he’s known it. 
When the moon finally disappears and the sun well and truly risen, he picks himself up from the ground and stumbles back into the house, feeling like he was the sleepwalker now. The sight of their children sprawled out together in their blanket fort brings the reality of what he’s done rushing back to him. He can’t help the reflex that brings his fingers up to ghost over his lips, like a lovesick teenager. The breath leaves his lungs like he’s been punched, and he turns away from the kids, sleeping angelically side-by-side. He can’t bear the thought of facing either of them, of facing anyone in this household any more. 
What does he do now? Does he go back to bed, pretend nothing ever happened— slip into his place beside Orihime and forget the fact that his heart is beating again for the first time in ten years? Does he come clean to her and beg forgiveness, tell her he loves her and it won’t ever happen again, or does he lock this away in a dark recess of his mind, just like he’s done with his shinigami powers and everything related to her for the last decade? His mind casts around frantically for excuses — he was tired. It was the middle of the night. Hell, he doesn’t even know if it really happened anymore — was everything a fever dream, triggered by the immense relief of seeing Rukia again? But his blood is thrumming in his veins, and the power he’d spent his entire adult life crushing down is once again swirling and eddying just under his skin, exactly like it had when he was seventeen. His hands are shaking, and his skin feels hot. He can’t lie to himself. Rukia was here. Rukia’d kissed him. He’d kissed her back. 
He drags his trembling hands over his eyes, down his face; slumps into a chair in the kitchen and attempts to evade the question that becomes more pressing with every second. What now? It was clear that Rukia had no idea what had happened. The weight of this transgression was his alone to carry. Even if she had remembered, the fault lay with him— she’d been asleep, but he’d been wide awake and had pulled her towards him. 
A part of him— the good part, the noble part, the part that had once forced its way through layers of hollow to tell his zanpakutou to fuck off out of his fight with Byakuya— is yelling at him to confess, to lay himself at Orihime’s mercy and take whatever comes from it. But a larger, more insistent part of him is asking, for what? What does telling Orihime accomplish, but the breaking of four hearts? He has never deserved Orihime, with her soft smiles and kind words to his rough edges; the fact that he is, once again, an awful person to her— for her— is not news. What is the point of ruining her spun-sugar smile with something that will never happen again—
liar
—especially when it doesn’t just involve him? If he confesses, it’s not just his head on the line; it’s Rukia’s, too, no matter the fact that she was asleep at the time. And he might be willing to risk everything he ever is or was for far less than this, but there is no way in hell he will do that to Rukia. Not for some one-off sleepwalking incident that she had no control over, and if it happens again he’ll just push her away—
liar
— and oh, god, was this a thing that happened often? Rukia’d always been a deep sleeper; she was, despite everything she insisted to the contrary, very clearly not okay if she was sleepwalking like this. 
As his thoughts spiral back to the cause of his turmoil, Ichigo becomes acutely aware of her reiatsu upstairs, thrumming rapidly like a hummingbird’s wings. It seems lighter and more unsettled than he remembers it being, and the tinge of instability to it as it flares and retreats irregularly unnerves him. Rukia’s reiatsu control has always been top-class, so this distinct lack of it triggers alarm bells in his mind. He swallows, and attempts to smooth down the ragged edges of her power with his; but wherever his reiatsu brushes against hers, it just flares brighter and more powerful and he has to give up, lest it disturb Renji or the kids.
It's been a while since he's felt someone else’s reiatsu like this, but he knows this isn't normal; concern eats at him even as it wars with an urge to ignore it and bury everything about this incident as deep as possible. Rukia isn’t an idiot, she would have gotten help if it was something serious—but would she, really? He knows better than anyone how stubborn she can be when she thinks she’s being a burden. She’d die before she let someone else take the fall for her. 
He closes his eyes. 
He scowls; ten years it’s been, and she’s still so— so— so her. Longer hair, a husband and child, a Captain’s haori, and nothing matters; she’s still stubborn, still a bitch who lives to help everyone else but won’t let anyone help her. It's evident in the way she refuses to say she’s tired, the way that Renji’s eyes follow her around everywhere, worried. She’s still the self-sacrificing idiot she’d been from day one, and he—
He is still the coward he’d been twelve years ago, when he’d watched her bleed out on the concrete before him and only then been spurred into action. 
This isn’t about him. If Rukia is ill, then he has to let someone know— someone who can actually do something about it. His feelings — whatever they are— does not factor into the equation. This is about Rukia—
— so, he needs to talk to Renji. 
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10:18 am
“Has Rukia ever sleepwalked before?”
A moment of tension across Renji’s features, and then a long, long sigh; he gestures for Ichigo to sit, and the two of them shuffle over to the recently vacated kitchen table. Renji rubs his face tiredly, and Ichigo’s sense of foreboding grows. 
“... Last night, huh?” Renji says, and Ichigo almost jumps out of his skin; did he know? Could he see— was the mark of Rukia's lips on his visible, indelible, the way it felt like to him? Could everyone read it on his face, that he and Rukia—
Renji’s voice is weary as he continues. “Yeah. Yeah, she's sleepwalked before. The past few years, actually. What did she do last night? How did you find her?”
— kissed—  “She— she walked out of the clinic and I heard the door open. Renji, is she— is she okay—”
Renji leans his elbows on the table and buries his face in his hands. “I don't know,” he breathes, frustration dripping from every syllable. “I don't know, she won't tell me, you know how she is—”
Did he ever. Ichigo remembers with vivid clarity the time she'd sustained a stomach wound, back in the days before Soul Society; she hadn’t told him for three days, and had only agreed to go see Urahara when she'd finally collapsed in his arms. 
“ — don't think I've tried—? God, doctors, healers, we've tried everything, Kuchiki-Taichou’s worried out of his mind. But she won't have any of it, says she won't let us waste time fussing over her when there are better things to worry about—”
“That fucking idiot,” Ichigo mutters, and Renji barks out what is almost a laugh. 
“Right? Drives me up the fucking wall. Wouldn't be Rukia if she didn't.”
“Guess not.”
Renji cracks a strained smile before it fades away into seriousness again. “It wasn't this bad before,” he says, and Ichigo sits up straight. 
“Recent thing, then?”
“Depends what you'd classify as recent. I mean, she's never been a heavy sleeper—”
At this, Ichigo interrupts. “Wait, really? She's always slept like the dead—” 
Renji gives him a look, and Ichigo remembers who it is that is sharing her bed now. He shuts up. 
“ — as I said, she's never slept too well, even during our Rukon days, and it got pretty bad after the war, but it wasn't— wasn’t to this extent, you know? At least, not till she had Ichika. And then— it was like a switch flipped. She couldn't get to sleep at night, and she could barely keep her eyes open during the day. It started interfering with her work, and you know how that would have killed her; we started to go see a bunch of people for it but nothing seemed to help. And then she started sleepwalking—”
Something cold crawls up Ichigo’s spine.
“She— at first, we didn't know where it was that she was going in her sleep. she wandered the Kuchiki Manor gardens a lot, sometimes she just paced around inside the house. Sometimes she got out of the Kuchiki property and was well into the streets before we found her and brought her back. I didn't know where she was trying to go—” 
Renji breaks off, and looks Ichigo dead in the eye. 
“— till one morning I woke up, and found her at Sokyouku Hill.” 
Ichigo’s blood turns to ice. 
“It was bloody Sokyoku Hill, Ichigo. Every single time— inside the Manor, in the gardens, on the streets. She was always trying to get to Sokyouku Hill. North-north west from the Kuchiki Manor. I—”
Renji’s expression turns supplicating, as if asking him for an answer, but Ichigo has none to give; he’s rooted to the spot by the sheer horror he’s feeling, Rukia strung up against the Sokyouku vivid in his mind. That collar around her neck, a red slash splitting her throat open; her eyes, glazed over with tears. Her skin dyed orange and yellow from the heat of it all. 
“I don’t know what’s wrong with her, Ichigo, for fuck’s sake I can’t even get her to admit that there’s something wrong. I just—” 
Renji drops his head into his hands. Very softly — so soft that Ichigo is sure he isn’t meant to hear these next words— he says to himself: 
“Ten years. Ten years, and I’m still not enough.” 
Ten years. Enough to fell mountains; enough to dry rivers and move oceans. 
Not enough to change a heart. 
When Renji looks up at Ichigo again, his gaze is edged with steel. 
“She says your name.” 
“I— what?” 
“She says your name, when she walks out to Sokyouku Hill. She says your name.” 
A memory, in his mind: Rukia, ethereal in the moonlight. Ichigo? 
Yeah. Yeah, it’s me. I’m here. 
Ichigo doesn’t know what to say. 
Eventually, Renji breaks their impasse; he sighs and raps the table before getting up. “I’m not such a small man as to beat you to a pulp over that, Ichigo, stop looking like you think I’m going to bite your head off.” 
“I’m not—” he protests automatically, but Renji shushes him with a wave of his hand. 
“You are, but that’s not the point.” He ambles over to the door and looks over his shoulder at him, one hand poised on the handle. “If— if there’s anything you might be able to do for her—” 
“Renji—”
“Please,” Renji says, and even though this time, he isn’t on his knees half-dead before him, Ichigo knows what it’s costing him to make this request. “Please… help her.” 
Of course, Ichigo wants to reply, She’ll be fine, I’ll save her. Rukia’ll be safe—
But he isn’t fifteen anymore. 
“I’ll— try,” he says, lamely, and that is the best they can do. Renji nods. 
“Gonna go see Urahara. He might have some tricks up his sleeve,” he says, but he doesn’t look like he believes what he’s saying. Ichigo waves him off, and Renji slips away.
The sound of the clinic door swinging shut echoes in his wake. 
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3:02 pm
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Click.
“...Hello?”
“Kurosaki-san?”
“...... Urahara-san?”
“Ah, Kurosaki-san, thank goodness you picked up. If you aren’t busy, I’d appreciate your presence at the Shoten as soon as possible.” 
“What? Me? Why?”
A pause; Ichigo finds, for no good reason whatsoever, that he is holding his breath.
“Ah, well. You see, that is—”
Between one accelerating heartbeat and the next—
“Kuchiki-san has collapsed.” 
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