#im fine i am breaking down | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

favvn · 4 months

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Isn't it interesting that Spock refers to his friendship with Jim as shameful when he is infected by a virus that reveals one's inner feelings/desires? That he calls Jim "my friend" while he is in the blood fever of pon farr and shouldn't be able to speak at all? That he tells Jim he has always and ever shall be his friend while dying to save everyone? And then repeats the phrase mostly word for word after he is brought back to life and slowly regaining his memories (I think?? I shouldn't be posting this because I am still only on season 2! but I can not ignore the circumstances of when he uses the term "friend")

And later, by the third season in the episode Whom Gods Destroy, they refer to each other as brothers without anything altering their inhibitions.

Like. My point is they are not declared as lovers until the t'hy'la footnote, but they are declared as friends and as brothers throughout the series. Their love can not be openly declared in the show or movies but exists literally in the margins, outside of the boundaries.

#spirk #star trek tos #i keep looking at my k/s friend web weave draft and reordering things and the connections are making me insane #im fine i am breaking down #saw whom gods destroy last night and just.... so many thoughts #also i want to be clear: i am still obly on season 2 but catching the h&i reruns to mess with my brain :) like a fool

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mikaelsrose · 6 months

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season 1 of theodora reminds me of atonement (2007) which makes it all the more gut wrenching soul crushing and heartbreaking

#screaming into the void #THEO AND LAWRENCE DESERVED MORE TIME TOGETHER #THEO AND LAWRENCE SHOULDVE SETTLED DOWN IN HIMWORDE AND GO TO FRIEDRICH'S PERFORMANCES AND JOHN SHOULD'VE STAYED TOO AND WORKED IN THE HSPTL #AND BRUNO WOULD'VE GROWN UP SURROUNDED BY THE MOST AMAZING FOUND FAMILY IN THE WORLD #THIS IS STAGE THREE OF GRIEF BTW!!!#I CRIED SO HARD LAST NIGHT I WOKE UP WITH A HEADACHE FUNNNN #HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FALL FOR ANTONIO WHOS A VERY CHARMING DADDY WHEN I WILL NEVER BE OVER LAWRENCE AND THE REST OF THE GROUP!!!!#AND CHARLOTTE MY SWEET DELICATE FLOWER DESERVES THE WORLD BUT MY HEART IS BREAKING WHENEVER I BUY HER 💎OPTION #tldr im not fine #romance club #rc theodora #rc lawrence #theodora avery #lawrence barkley

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bogkeep · 2 months

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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently

- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)

- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement

- such as The Academic Text

- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago

- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........

- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff

- and im so so sleepytired :(((

- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((

AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS

purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now

#swedenquest #everything happens so much :(((#but i will be okay...!!!!!!!! no unsolicited advice please #in fact i have been given resources for metacognitive therapy to fight my brain demons and im excited to get more into that #but also how am i supposed to read anything under these circumstances.#tomorrow is self study day and if i wasn't so stressed about Big Project I would've made myself stay at home and rest/unpack #ill simply have to compromise. sleep a little bit longer; couple hours of tinkering at school #take it easy but take it!!!!#also god i was first out to have kitchen cleaning responsibilities this week #which isnt Hard u just need to run the break room dishwasher and take out the trash BUT #the trash bags are the worst quality trash bags i have ever encountered. they tore at my touch.#i tried so hard to remove the trash from the trash cans in a neat and professional manner but it all kept falling apart #and next thing you know there's coffee grounds all over the floor and everyone looks at you with pity #i got some help but it was so stressful and Bad #and there's someone in the 2nd year who keeps emptying the dishwasher even tho it's not their turn and I WOULD DO IT IF U WAITED FIVE MINUT #they did this all the time last year too and it's like. i get that they're stressed out by dishes in the sink or whatever i really do get i #but it's really messing with the system and like... teaching everyone else to not contribute??? because they don't even get to??#AND i lost at minigolf with like 20 more points than everyone at my team #which i genuinely wouldn't mind except i dragged the average score down so bad we could never have won anything #FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL GOING FINE

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months

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...

#i started the semester off with such a level head but ive walked myself further and further toward i ledge i can feel crumbling #out from under my feet. i sit in small rooms where i feel the stress radiating from my chest down into my limbs. disappating into the floor #it makes me want to run and run and run but im so tired and the sidewalk is icy slick. and i feel like im at the limits of my abilities #and i know every grad student has that worry but what if its true. that i have a void behind my eyes and not enough depth of thought #anywhere it matters. how am i supposed to operate in this system when i can barely string together the words to understand what im reading #and itll never be any easier. what if im at my functional limit? what if i caught fire and burned away to ashes? what if i screamed and #kept screaming until someone told me patch up the open wound in my chest? what if i just stopped?#what if i could just let go of any need to feel like i have a purpose? what if i could just live? and feel the wonder of the things around #me. let go of all my emptiness #move at a pace that isnt breaking my neck. feel anything close to joy or if that's too much to ask then let me at least feel stable. just #for a while. just a little while.#and i know itll b fine. and i know im just being whiny bc things are hard and theyve been hard and theyll always be hard bc i refuse to make #things easy. but i just feel like im standing alone on a beach where the water's been drawn too far back #and i can see it rushing toward me faster than i can run. im just waiting for the tsunami to wash me away to nothing #unrelated

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skitskatdacat63 · 10 months

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There's this nearly 4 hour movie I've been meaning to watch for a while and I was like "ah maybe ill watch it tonight hehe 🥰" and then I remember...quali is at 9 🫠

#i actually despise abu dhabi being the seaosn closer ngl #basically since Japan the race time has suited my timezone pretty well #1 am. 1 pm. 3 pm. 4 pm. 12 pm. 1 am.#<- like look at that. look at they absolutely delicious schedule #every race for the past 2 months has been at an ideal time and ive really settled into it #wow you mean i can sleep in on weekends and actually wnjoy the schedule!? oh boy!#and then they put fucking ad at the end which is at 8 am. who wants to wake up that early on a sunday #it would be fine if it was earlier in the season bcs during the middle i got pretty used to waking up before 9 bcs all the European races #but to have this one at thw end is literally horrible #its really down to timezones but fuck it really does bother me #bcs wow youve made me have zero desire to watch the season closer! thanks!!#id sooooo much rather brazil be the season closer still #like whh do you have to completely switch timezones right at the very end. its terrible #i think ill do waht i did last season and take a bit of a nap beforehand #it makes it much worse that this on a holiday wknd too. yeah bcs i rly wanna spend the last two days of my break waking up in the morning #sry im being ultra salty rn but i really dont wanna wake up for it but i hate missing race events UGHHHHHH #last yr i literally fell asleep during the first lap of AD 😭#yeah im concerned abt if nando will retain p4 or not but...waking up before 8 am...??#yeah idk i just rly dislike this scheduling #i actually kinda like AD as a track but its position in the season makes me resent it #catie.rambling.txt

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blessedhypocrite · 2 months

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like mannnnnnnnn. Mannnnnnnnn.

#i know so deeply that im very happy i didnt date this guy #i do not want kids i dont want to date a man long term i didnt feel like i could be my true self around him #but male validation is a drug for me #and jason was there for me when my house burned down so like. theres definitely a lil trauma bonding going on there.#and honestly 90% of the reason im thinking about him again is probably because im ovulating #and im still really sexually attracted to him #but i do NOT love him and i never will romantically #were still friends #weve hung out twice fine after he told me he didnt have feelings for me anymore #but here i am re watching a video of him playing breaking the girl on guitar for me #and thinking ughhhhhh i wanna kiss himmmm #when theres literally a girl who thinks im cute and wants to meet up when we go back to school!!!#like why do i even care about him #i know the answer its because i dont feel that way ab people unless ive become their friend #and i havent gotten to know that girl at all yet so. theres no connection there yet #plus he was there for me when my house burned down so. theres definitely some trauma bonding going on there.#anyway man im just feeling a little lonely and i want to feel his touch again!!!!

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sukirichi · 3 months

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i’m so normal about aiku haha

#suki rambles #rereading bllk for the third time and i’m still screaming over everything but now is the only time i reread it where my loyalties swayed #i was always a sae girly like... he just hits diff and he’s the prettiest UGH (chigiri is the prettiest but shhh)#BUT AIKU HELLO?!?! HE’S SO FINE AND WHAT FOR #and are we not gonna talk about that panel where he effortlessly tackled shidou and pinned him face down... yeah... THAT panel #ong that was such an iconic intro of him and he looks so scruffy and scrumpty and i wANT TO LICK HIM whoa what?#HIS BICEPS TOO OMG but mostly his face. i want to kiss him so bad 😭 i want to give him gifts and sniff him he smells expensive or like #leather i just know it #he also looks like someone’s baby daddy... it’s me i’m someone #when he said nothing gets past him and he’d be like the cop in the field ooh yeah OFFICER ARREST ME CUFF ME #he’s like soccer aizawa and my eye twitches every time i see him bcos i love aizawa too UGHHH AIKU OLIVER THE MAN YOU ARE #he’s so emotionally unavailable n that’s exactly my type. he’d leave me on delivered for hours and reply only after midnight then say #‘sorry baby haha was just busy’ he’d be so cold and nonchalant thru text but so cocky and smooth in person 😞 oh i’m in pain #he’s gonna break my heart and i’d let him! also the type of guy who doesn’t bring flowers in a date but would buy you one if u asked #then says its not that big of a deal when you go heart eyes at him... only ever wants casual shit n then avoids u when you start falling 😔#also his thighs too. damn. DAMN. looking respectfully sir i am in love with you please take all that i have 🙏🏻#karasu is my new crush too HES JUST SOOOOOO okay i love them IM SCREAMING #gnawing at the iron bars of my enclosure when my dark haired red flag soccer men come on screen #idk should i open requests for bllk i wanna write them for funsies 😞

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mainfaggot · 4 months

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reading and listening to and watching sad things when i already feel deeply melancholy... you stupid cunt you're making it feel worse than it has to ....

#it's either this or distracting myself and breaking down at 1 am... why cant i find some balance... have a good cry and also get shit done..#instead of wallowing or pretending im fine (the two extremes)#z.post

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burying-brightness · 6 months

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#im more than 90% sure i tore my acl in my 'good' knee #on Wednesday night before my surgery i went to the bathroom and came back #went to roll onto my bed i guess in a way that wasent good #i heard what i believe was a pop #no pain no loss of stability i could stand fine #i freaked out but had to tell myself it couldnt be because i would not be able to handle it #didnt tell anyone #i was in pain and on oxy and til sunday night and ibuprofen til yesterday night #so i didnt notice qnything until last night what i feel like is swelling #maybe small periods of light pain every now and then #so now i am trying to not have a complete break down of having to 1 spend time rehabbing and healing my left leg #while trying to not farther injure my right leg while having to use it while i rehab my left #i called my docs office but the lady on the phone said i have to make another appointment for another i jury #im going for my post op tomorrow so im going to tell him then and see what he says #most likely an mri and whatever else he says #i hope to god its not it but i am so sure i heard a pop #my life for the next year is going to be terrible

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girlmikeyway · 2 years

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SO FOLD YOUR HANDS CHILD AND WALK STRAIGHT NOW GO ON AND TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT THEY CAN NEVER FIND OUR SECRET HIDING SPOT WHERE WE PLAY ALL DAY WE'LL GO ON AND ON ANYWAY

#lightly breaking down to this song rn im doing fine #i am not recovered from earlier #cobra starship #fold your hands child #text #ash speaks

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piplupod · 6 months

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hate waking up scared for no apparent reason. girl what do u mean im scared of going to my old lady yarn group !!!!!

#i have to force myself to go because otherwise i will be very mentally unwell in like three days bc i didnt socialize w non-family fdsjkl #this group of elders is the thin thread keeping my sanity intact i swear to god fhdsgjkl i would be so much more unstable without them #im not stable by any means but like... u know HFDSJKL #i am assuming i had some trauma nightmares last night that Kam's tucked away out of reach bc thats usually whats happened-#-when i wake up feeling this way. BLEGHGHHH #i have like... this terrible feeling the past few days that smth is about to break and crash down on me #but i cannot let it stop me from going to the group fsdkl i need to interact w someone who is not [redacted]#(redacted because i cant think of a light-hearted way to label Le Abuser rn so HEEHOO honks my clown nose and scuttles away)#giving a thumbs up with a big strained smile and pretending everything is okay and fine and i am sooooo normal and not feeling [redacted]#ITS OKAY ITS FINE i am just going to keep my head down and keep trudging forwards. gotta pretend the emotions do not exist dsjkfl #i've got art to make and blorbos to think about and sunlight to appreciate and elders to socialize with and stories to share !!!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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toytulini · 1 year

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idk. picky eater rights. im coming to your events and turning my picky bitch nose up at your fancy ass desserts you spent a bajillion hours working over in the kitchen and asking if i can find like a basic ass brownie with no extra flairs or ingredients or steps or whatever the fuck. cry about it. stop trying to feed me

#toy txt post #they gotta have some picky eater bitches be the judges on those food competition shows i stg #sorry for committing the unforgivable sin of my tastebuds didnt enjoy the food you made. it was intended as a personal slight actually #i am trying to offend you for real. yeah. thats definitely whats happening. god/sssss #like god irl if i dont like food you made ill try to be fuckin gracious about it buf dont fucking get mad at me for like. idk. prepping my #own foods you percieve as worth less or whatever the fuck. ppl are so fucking weird about food.#honestly guy on prev post didnt even dislike the cake it sounded like but was just experiencing the human emotion of disappointment #when the little specific joy he was looking forward too was not what he expected. if she had asked him 'do you mind if i make a similar cake #that is not the exact same as the one you asked for? maybe he wouldve been fine cos he wouldnt have been looking forward to that specific #thing. OR maybe he wouldve said if youre not going to make this very specific one im looking forward to then dont bother i dont want you #wasting the time and effort and then she wouldnt have been mad. or maybe she wouldve. ppl do get weird about that kind of thing #maybe saying that wouldve been a crime too. guess that dumb asshole shouldve shut up and eaten his stupid cake and enjoyed it and said #nothing. a recipe for happiness #anyway. hot take ig stop putting nuts in desserts. alllergy havers will prolly thank you but you know who else will thank you?#every day i see takes about food that make me think i really should be more of a picky bitch eater on maim to knock yall pretentious #food fuckers down a peg tbh. every day i resist the urge but god how yall test me. let me be the judge on a cooking show.#weird assholes who are rude abt ppl having allergies or sensory issues: come here. im going to break you #anyway more of us picky bitches who are picky just for like. casual reasons. we should he loud picky bitches on main. if a cook or baker or #whatever can accommodate my picky bitch ass thats difficult to feed for no reason we can be sure they can accommodate allergy havers #and ppl w medical restricted diets. if they can be gracious about me just not vibing w the food then they can def be gracious about more #sensitive reasons. yea i could choke down the food i dont like probably. it wouldnt make me throw up or send me to the hospital. but why #should i? if youre an asshole to me about simply not liking your shit then why the hell would i feel safe disclosing medical info to your #bitch ass? why would i trust you to follow it? and not try to sneak some shit in bc you think you know better about food?#anyway #picky eater rights. let ppl be picky for no apparent reason. cos the ppl who have uwu Good Valid Reasons(tm) dont fucking owe you that #explanation

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chiistarri · 6 months

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imsoo normal about guys byw

#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die #fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die #cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh #i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever #this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi #the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare #serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home #everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump #anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms #killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti #save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight #on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work #lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush #cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav #the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms #i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him #sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls #i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim #all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family #noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me #sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep #ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep #post #erics tag #delete later #serenity needs this as a ref in the morning #i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason #shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much #gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb

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saint-ambrosef · 2 years

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want to have kids but not badly enough (so far) to overcome my crippling fear of pregnancy/childbirth caused by strong pain avoidance instinct and body dysmorphia. hate being me.

#i keep hoping i'll get baby fever that will override all my fears but so far nuthin #my husband is ready and very kindly waiting on me to be too #but i have like a million different issues that all converge into me panicking at the thought #e.g. being out of shape; very low pain tolerance causing fear of childbirth; body dysmorphia at the thought of pregnancy/breastfeeding #like i feel like if i had a baby to parent tomorrow i'd be just fine. parenting doesnt scare me #just all the physical stuff...#i cannot psychologically commit to the idea of inevitable future pain!! my brain just nopes out!#i was that kid who always put on my bike breaks when i went down a hill #im a very risk-avoidant/pain-avoidant personality so the idea of NOT avoiding...brain no compute...#and i want kids!#but im not like...missing them right now or SUPER excited at the thought. and until i am i dont think i'll get over this hump...

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gothamcityneedsme · 10 months

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im usually all for fiction only needing to follow its own logic and i dont need realism all the time BUT one of my exceptions is like. characters sleeping. someone like writes an amount of not sleeping that would cause Actual Death and im like. Thats probably not what youre going for

or just making characters who like often go 35+ hours with no sleep and im like. that ultimately just. Doesnt work.

#Shitpost #like sleep deprivation is fine but like #Its really the never sleeps shit that annoys me tbh #im like i am someone who sleeps less than. Most people. But i still sleep #anyways the only exception to that is my dads oc who has that condition that usually kills poeple young because they cant sleep #his character learns meditation techniques to prolong his life #and uh. Probably does die young? But its an interesting way to actually. Address the facts #Anyways it especially bothers me when characters are like. Fighting or such #im like. Uh your body will actually shut down on you #anyways. This is one of my pet peeves #actually drives me a bit insane #since battling with sleep is something i constantly do.#It like. Breaks my immersion #and makes a character feel like bullshit to me #because im just like. I get exaggeration but god does it annoy me

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edraculation · 7 months

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finally got around to watching the last few episodes of the first season of TDI that i originally lost interest in after Harold got voted out and damn did i forget just how fucking excited i get about Harold. I don't know what's wrong with me but i just nearly dislocated my arm after wrecking my shit with a shitty backflip that i did the second he came on screen in the finale. i have never done a backflip before in my life. harold fuels me

#post #yes its five in the morning yes im up thinking really hard about my blorbo no im not gonna be able to fall asleep after the massive dopamine #hit i just got .#it's fine guys #I'D read his beavers and rats journal. HEATHER.#beavers and rats are COOL #most people leave their relatives precious heirlooms and relics of their childhood when they die but I'M leaving my children with my #massive notepad file where i talk to myself about harold that has so much text in it that my phone slows down when i open it #as you can tell i am normal !#i did however accidentally perform chiropractics on myself earlier when i snapped my head to the left to watch his part of the intro so hard #that my spine partially realigned itself #i do NOT fuck around about harold 💯💯💯#im on that harold grindset babey . up all day up all night thinking about harold 24/7 365 #he's my babygirl #my little guy #my scrimbly boingo #<- normal girl who is normal #my jaw hurts from gnashing my teeth because when i get really excited i get the urge to tear things apart with my mouth #i start growling and shit too bro category 7 autism events turn me into some sort of creature or perhaps a beast #adn needless to say the mere vague mention of harold tdi is enough to cause at LEAST a category 7 if not a scale-breaking phenomenon #i dont think i mentioned that im freakishly obsessed with harold tdi . idk if that was clear or not . slash ess ay are see #im not tagging this bro nobody wants to see this . except maybe pissmaster so she can express her concern again but he doesn't have tumblr #and i am NAWT showing them this shit 💯🔥#im probably gonna end up telling him i fucked up a backflip though and whn she inevitably asks why the HELL i was doing a backflip im gonna #have to admit that i got so excited about the Presence of The Harold that i suddenly became an energy faucet so strong i had to #wipe the fuck out to calm myself down #hit my dam head on my headboard and shit #sowwy im subjecting u to this mutuals . ur probably gonna be hearing a lot about this guy for a little while . ok a big while #you know when cats get the zoomies and start doing crazy parkour shit and attacking random shit with their teeth . thsts me when Harold #fuck 30 tags god damn . my final message watch tdi even thoug it stressful as hell so i can talk to u about harold . pleas 👍

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