#im getting older holy shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lobotomize-d · 9 months

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I wanna do a cool "ooh look at art made at the beginning of the year redrawn at the end of the year!" Thing but I'm looking through a lot of old art and I'm like.... Damn.... I had some good art style eras....

#i jad the bad ofc ofc #but like...#damn i drew this???#/nsrs #/j #im being silly #but it's fun to look at my old art #i specifically miss when my art was inspired by the spooky month art style....#it was a fun time #ramble #im getting older holy shit #<- existential dread is just seeping jn srry #ill go to bed now #lobotomysbugaloogaart #not art but art related

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skeletons-in-ur-closet · 24 days

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i csnt think about my childhood too long or else i get old testament angry

#i want revenge #like as a kid i never realized just how bad the abuse and neglect was but holy shit as an adult. it truly alters your brain #it truly gets worse the older you get because you start to understand how fucked up your parents have to be to treat a child like that #and i cant even give my parents (my mom especially) the 'cycle of abuse' benefit of the doubt because she wasnt abused. she STARTED it #yeah her mother was a little cold sometimes but she ultimately wanted the best for her my mother wanted me DEAD #AND NOW IM STUCK LOOKING AFTER HER DUE TO HER OWN POOR FUCKING CHOICES #she left me to starve and rot and die and now im expected to look after her bc she used up all her energy years ago to hurt me

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oh-cramity-its-amity · 2 months

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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!

#thank u blake. u really helped #also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise #it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little #anxious about things #i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to #decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together #and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me #so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world #we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it #people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do #i love my friends so much #evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness #like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be #okay?????#like #just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine #idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it #im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better #like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things #its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially #i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand #i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending #on how you look at it #so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow #some of you are like that #you may not know that #but that kindness means so much

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hoodiehydra · 5 months

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clinging on to redeem myself as the role model in the family with just a few good test scores 😇😇😇

#this is exhausting #i didnt ask to be born and neither did i ask to be an older sibling #we get what we get right #right??#i hate it here #i literally have to stick to the same routine like its a damn loop #holy shit the only way that i can make myself proud is with my scores now #let alone my family and idek what they think of me #im judging myself more than they do to me this isnt good #ON A WHOLE OTHER SIDE NOTE IF YOURE READING I HOPE TO START A POETRY COMMUNITY #!!!

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beastofmoss · 10 months

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Slowly realizing that most of my mutuals are older than me

#is used to being the eldest out of a friend group #and its like kinda weird yanno?#bc im like. used. to being the “cool older mom-friend” who shows up and makes sure everyone gets home #and now #like holy shit

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bmpmp3 · 5 months

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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!

#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to #that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know #but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look #like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies #dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS #plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song #and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal #again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like #yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more #OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit #love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning #im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY #i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy #but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like #emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness #its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool #addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic #but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys #this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like #the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth #but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd #i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying #about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement

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suffarustuffaru · 1 year

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i just. remembered again that i have a fembaru fic but also the premise is. Very Messed Up hah and also it was written before the canon genderbent au with its official genderbend names for everyone so its also outdated on top of that T^T i had like. Genderqueer subtext going on too. but i also wrote this fic like almost two years ago and havent touched it in forever so im unsure if i should go back to it…. o.o but i would love to finish it one day if only for my own satisfaction hah… i had a very detailed outline for ch 2 (its a twoshot) and several scenes written already anyway!! (and also i would probably update those names, make minor edits, etc etc hmm…)

#just thinking about this wip again………… mmmm….. not super confident in my older ao3 fics but the premise for this one was like. i think i #ended up brainstorming it with a friend or two and then i was like wait holy shit howd this play out. and then i took about two weeks to #write ch1? :o #and then i like. REALLY got into revolutionary girl utena after finishing ch1 so like that def bled into um. the themes.#just. thimking…….. bc ive had so many ideas to explore like. themes regarding gender and misogyny and Choice and destiny and queerness and #all sorts of things….. bc rezero Touches on them and is even Detailed on them sometimes and id Love to go in depth. but im also a bit #nervous to bc 1. writing fic is….. so much work sometimes fr and i am but a lazy writer and 2. the slight anxiety of what if i get flamed #o.o wild to think about…..#like. i have ideas for emilia fics that are. definitely darker maybe a bit controversial but i will go off the walls with writing for the #sake of answering the questions of. can this be done. and is it possible to narratively critique canon and fandom treatment of emilia. that #sort of thing.#not that im the best writer ever akdbdnd but i do like darker fiction sometimes. and i also like being meta about things in fiction. and i #also like writing to get out a tiny bit of salt. etc etc.#i tried to write these kinds of thinngs with my atm sole emilia centric fic that i wrote. uhhh more than a year ago? and i would love to try #again one day bc ive def improved and changed as a writer since then. u know what i mean?? :o #just like. rezero and queerness is very interesting to me.#suffaru post #saving this on the blog bc i talked Too Much about my writing process here HAH #my writing process being: HOW FAR CAN I TAKE THIS IDEA AND HOW OFF THE WALLS CAN IT GET????#in reality tho im really just a massive nerd whos gone down a massive rabbit hole of writing anime fanfic. 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏#if you actually read all these tags big thank you HAH

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designernishiki · 1 year

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sometimes it hits me that like. there is a pretty valid reason calling kiryu a granddad despite that being literally true feels Weird to me. and that’s the fact that. oh yeah. haruka has a baby at fuckin 19-20 years old. meaning kiryu is a granddad before he’s even 50.

#like that’s. pretty fucking young #she’s basically barely an adult so like no fucking wonder it feels like shit accelerated REAL fast when it comes to her growing up #like shit bro she’s only four years older than ME. and at this point she’d have a 7(?) year old???? holy shit #don’t get me wrong I know it’s not impossible or anything it’s just. yeah no fucking wonder people always refer to him like he’s way older #than he really is. he’s only 48 in y6.#maybe im a little biased cause my parents had me at 33 but. I mean stats don’t lie I’m pretty sure the average age of motherhood in japan is #like between 29-31 #hoo boy…#rambling #y6

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calicoscurse · 1 year

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UGGHHG I HATE LANDLORDS

#this is kinda a vent. most a mad vent and not sad one #but holy shit my landlord is a cunt. he does not do ANYTHING!!!#ceiling caves in twice and carpet is soaking? oh well he just replace the tiles instead of the pipes #ppl older than me im talking to are telling me he will just raise the rent or kick us out if we report him #my hands are just tied I cannot do anything but tell my mom to bother him via text and she is not good at being stern and putting her #foot down. and she wont give me his number cause she knows I will tear him a new one and it wont help us so ugghhhh #left sink leaks. random leaks in the roof. horrific neighbors upstairs. my moms room is unusable cause the roof is caved in. thin walls #this is a shit part of town also!! and rent is fucking $900-ish!!!#GOD I cannot wait for me to get a better job. most of my money already goes to helping w rent and food #as soon as I get a new job and am stable in it Im gonna convice my mom to move even if I dont keep any of my money

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4giorno · 1 year

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imagine if his hair was just this. this same length in the back.

#SORRY i wanna support long haired kings but hoyos long hair designs are so ugly in the back 💀#which is why j1ng yuan makes me cry with happiness bc his long ass hair is just. flawless. i have no complaints. hoyo did good #yes its bc its tied but STILL. we take the the win whenever we can #also by cropping this pic i noticed that HE ALSO HAS DEFINITION BELOW HIS EYE 😭😭😭💖#its like so nothing but holy shit. the second character to get some sign of being older on their face #like even tho its dumb to say this is too complex for 'gensh1ns restrictive models' to have ill use an example from this same game:#if we think abt samp0 he in the story always refers to him as one of the older people but he has no such indications on his face #meaning hes probs like. in his thirties lmao #(refers to himself*)#yeah im just feeling the lack of anything like we1t and now apparently b1ade in gensh1n #esp afer the recent devastating leak abt a certain character........#(sorry abt so much censoring i just dont want such a negative post in the tags)

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skeleton-on-wheels0 · 1 year

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you may ignore this entire thing, i just need to keep this in a dream diary, but i'm too lazy to actually keep one, and this is somehow more intimate than a book that my mother will read through when she wants to clean my bookshelf

so, i had this dream yesterday in which i was in love with a boy. we were in my grandparents' garden. he was a bit taller than me, but i decided to pick him up. after a few giggles, he did the same thing to me. i have no idea what happened but my chest was filled with happiness and love that moment. he lifted me from below my ass. i think we kissed, but my grandparents and parents were somehow mad that we were togheter, but i couldn't care less.

i also think that this boy is one of my classmates that i've developed a crush on. he's the son of a priest and has a twin.

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cassi-eats-cockroaches · 2 years

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not 2 be angry on writeblr but. my writing is so much worse than it used to be

#i was reading my older writing and holy shit it was so good #idk whats happened but my style has completely deteriorated this past year #its so lazy and nondescriptive and stilted #im so angry writing is my biggest passion and im losing all hope and happiness around it #how do i get it back to what it was cuz like. this isnt working #i dislike everything i write now #ughghgggh #delete later

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orcelito · 2 years

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researching minor & inconsequential details to an unnecessary degree VS actually writing

guess what i’ve been doing for this goddamn chapter

anyways i think futaba would have this 3ds and this 3dsXL

#speculation nation #discacc shit #first gen 3ds LIKE MINE except i think she would choose the blue one instead of the red one (i have the red one)#2011 she would be. 10 years old. oh my god a BABY...#i was 14 in 2011 aka when i first got my 3ds. im just a lil bit older than akechi in actual timeline lol #2nd one is the limited edition monster hunter 4 3dsxl released in september of 2013 #which yes i DO think futaba plays monster hunter. it's the old kenma stan in me coming out ok but she Would love monster hunter #12 years old but her mom's a fuckin government scientist. she'd be able to buy futaba a fancy limited edition 3ds bc it's cute as HELL #and she would do anything for her futaba :')#anyways these choices will be relevant later. or not so later. this is actually relevant #with what i am currently writing. i just did not need to look up actual appearances #but like Whateverrrr it's still way less effort than the shit im doing for the final scene #holy shit im putting WAY too much effort into researching for the final scene lmao. it'll b good when i get there tho #and it still is not to the level of 2 hours research for 2 paragraphs about hegelian dialectics lmao. god i do not need to do that again.#in other news i am being Entirely in character with my approach to this chapter. Painfully in character. oh well.

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firefighter-diazbuckley · 2 months

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cannot think about moving

cannot think about packing

cannot think about leaving my family

cannot think about my best friend leaving in three days

cannot think about being on my own for the first time

cannot think about moving

#em posts #i’m so unprepared it’s not even funny #holy fuck this shit is so hard #and there’s no one i can ask for help #i’m the oldest sibling #and the oldest cousin #all my extended family are way older than me and haven’t had to do this in years #not to mention half of them stayed at home for college #so there’s no one i can ask #but whatever it’s gonna be fine #i’m gonna have a great time #im gonna love it #i just need to get over this

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thebuttsmcgee · 6 months

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so. um. 👉👈

hi guysies.

Ig I should just say like. Hi

I haven't been posting here as much cause. Idk. Might be depression? I keep thinking its cause I've been so busy, which also wouldn't be not untrue, but these past, like, 3 weeks I think so far? I've had some free time but I haven't cause. I dunno, then again, I haven't been doing too much in general? I gues, besides very mandatory things, hell I've even been lacking in my regular skyrim hours of playing.

That, and as said, I get super melancholic when I remember just how sad and bittersweet it is that t0h is. Actually legit over. The show and experience, that is.

Oh all that and also becuz my headphones broke! Fuck! That's like number 2 in my bare necessities for when I post, do almost anything really! It's seriously been painful this past month going without headphones holy shit. Dude I've been scratching at the bit for some relief for headphones, I NEED music legitimately. Even right now, as I'm typing this on my phone, my music is on low levels.

But yerp. Its been. Rough. Really rough. I really do appreciate yall, everyone of yall. Have a sweet week everyone, ✌️!

#the butts chronicles #ogh but yea. been rough.#as said I have no idea if we'll keep this house cause man shits been fucked #uhhhh. lets see. recently my sister got into a fairly nasty argument with her husband since they were both drunk and hes a bit of a. hm #quick to being mad guy? I spose? but yea they made up and he actually apologized to me and my family for that so. its okay?#OH YEA FUCK LOL a few weeks ago fuckin tecksas got hit nasty with a hurricane and GUYS. I FREAKED OUT SO BAD LOL #cuz there was hail with the rain but since. I dont think we even ever experienced hail here I was scared that my ceiling roof broke again #and that it was the rain leaking to my room ceiling and was about to burst my ceiling so I legit started hyperventilating and panicking #with like. short and heavy breathing and almost crying badly until I went to look outside and saw hail and only slightly calmed down #oh but yea it was nasty lol. then the next day almost the entire block lost power and apparently sparks were happening cause fallen trees #uhhh. lets see. hmmm. OH OH RIGHT DAMN I FORGOT WE GOT A PUPPY LOL #we've gotten a lil pup all the way back from dec? iirc and she is now older and a shit lol shes in her teething phase and whatnot #still p cute tho and very puppyish. oh yea also during dec our power went out and ogh man dec was so freezing literally.#almost as bad as the one from. uhhh I cant remember the exact year but I remember it being within these past 4 years at least cause I read #a t0h fic during it lol. oh yea speaking of. we also changed our light company and damn. its been not bad so far! we had to pay up to 300 #in our old company and now we dont even get to 200 so far! hope Im not jinxing it! hmm oh did I already say before that I had to get a new #phone? cause I did and I did not enjoy it lol. had it for a while and now and its arguably worse cause no damn headphone plug-in #I think I did mention this but in case. I did finish counseling. well more accurately they required payments again since things and whatnot.#I think? I mentioned the stuff I got for my bday and chmisas. I got mostly neat stuff. I guess. one of them has still yet to arrive lol #uhhhh. hrm. I did get Mr. Martinet's autograph as a present! hrmmm #my other sister got another surgery a while back and its been relatively the same since. hmm. my only other living grandparent passed away #me and my ex got into a. not great argument cause mistakes and whatnot. raccoons in the attic thats hopefully taken care of for now #aaaaand the plushes I ordered a damn near year ago have been technically canceled cause of unfortunate circumstances for the creator #who just kinda. posts things now lol ig.#but yea. lots. holy shit guys. lots has happened. fuck man. I think Ive been way more tired than I thought.#not to mention the past weeks of just. reflecting. man #uhhh #long post #LOL i gues #but yerp.

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nishibai · 1 year

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sniffle sniff. b. big sis suka

#nishi thinking..#KMS KMS KMS i miss her mmore than anything #why do i always get attached to the older sibling-esque characters in fangans. or in dangan in general #im hibiki kinning rn holy shit. big sis suka..

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