#im going to change my blog so yeah thats why this is a bit rushed

[taem-min-archived2]

code love || j.jh

PAIRING || Jaehyun x Female Reader

GENRES || Best Friends to Lovers AU, Medical AU, Fluff

SUMMARY || In which, Jaehyun wished there was an emergency code that warned him not to fall for his best friend.

EVENT || The Exchange Event by @kflixnet​ Thank you to all the wonderful admins out there for organising this event!

WORD COUNT || 0.7k

A/N || To @chocojae​ I really hope you like this short piece! I did send another ask in response to your question but i guess it didn’t go :( sorry that its so short my college exams have been super stressing but i really hope you like this one and that we can be friends!

“What are you studying?” You asked as you crawled onto your best friend’s bed, getting comfortable as you slipped underneath his blanket to peer over his shoulder. Jaehyun just grunted, turning away from you so that you couldn’t see, but that didn’t stop you from resting your chin over his shoulder.

“What do you want?” Was the only response you got as he continued to ignore you. You pouted, even though you knew he couldn’t see your face. 

“I just asked what you were studying…if you don’t want to talk to me, it’s fine.” You muttered, throwing the sheet over your head as you turned away from him. You heard Jaehyun sigh from behind you but you ignored him, pretending to sleep as you shut your eyes.

“Why aren’t you sleeping in your room?”

“The air conditioner is too cold.”

He snorted at your lame excuse. “So that’s why you are here? You’ve been complaining about it for the past week!”

“Says the boy who chooses to drink water from wine glasses because he’s too lazy to do the dishes.”

“That was only when I was living with Yuta-” He sighed, pinching his nose bridge when he realised there was no use of arguing with you; you were stubborn and if you had decided to sleep on his bed then the only way to get you out would be by dragging you out by your leg.

Which he would never, of course.

There was no way in hell Jaehyun would even think of hurting you, even when he would engulf you into his warmest hug, he would make sure that he wasn’t squeezing you too much out of greed.

Because he was in love with you.

He was in love with you, his best friend and how much ever cliche it sounded, he couldn’t help it. Loving you was so easy, and just so, so natural like it was beyond his control to stop himself from doing so. Jaehyun wasn’t even sure when or how he had fallen for you; he just knew that one day when you were running downhill into his arms, he was knocked by this overwhelming sensation on seeing your laughing face.

And that sensation grew, now accompanied by the fluttering of his heart and in some extreme cases even feeling his stomach whoop as though he was on a roller coaster ride. It took him sometime but soon he realised he was in love with you.

So here he was now, in your shared apartment, with you snuggling to his side in an attempt to get him to sleep. Even though he was pretending to read, all the words were a blur in front of his eyes. He was too busy concentrating on the feeling of your hand on his arm as you tugged it, the warmth of your hand setting his heart on fire.

“What happens if I switch on my air conditioner too?” He asked.

You pretended to think (which he found really cute; you in fact was probably the cutest person he had ever laid his eyes on) and then spoke. “Well, since you are my human heater, I don’t think it should be a problem?”

Jaehyun faked a scandalous gasp as he wriggled away from you, but in reality he loved the way you chased after him. He ran out of the bedroom with his blanket, you close behind him screaming something about him being the most selfish human on earth.

But he didn’t care. Not when you were laughing as you dodged his cushion attacks, sending his heart into a frenzy. The two of you were now in the living room, and Jaehyun saw that he was concerned between the sofa and you. He tried darting beside you, but you were quicker and pounced on him, tumbling with him onto the sofa.

You let out a peal of laughter but he saw your smile falter when you saw what position the two of you were in. You were over Jaehyun, faces just inches apart with his arm wrapped around your waist. 

Immediately you rolled off him, looking flustered as you fiddled with the hem of your shirt. Almost instantaneously he missed the feeling of your warmth against his skin but brushed off the feelings.

“It’s fine. I’ll sleep in my room.” You muttered as you got up, still unable to meet his eyes. 

Jaehyun caught your wrist before you could leave, causing you to look at him in surprise. “It’s fine. You can sleep with me. I’ll be your heater forever.”

He felt his heart flutter when you smiled at him excitedly, practically skipping into his bedroom. 

One day, maybe one day he would be able to finally confess to you.

A/N: Please do tell me what you think about this story!! I worked really hard on it and I would love to know everyone’s thoughts on it~ Comments and reblogs are appreciated!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

(tw mentions of trauma, no details of it)hi i need help i think or at least info dump if u dont mind :(

currently i identify as pan/biromantic because i love everybody (leaving sexuality out for now bc i think thats a bit more complicated) but recently i started doubting. i dont know if its bc im traumatized and i just have a hard time getting close to people enough to feel love or if i just dont do it at all? recently some1 im in a qpr has confessed their (romantic?) love for me and i loved them the best i could but i dont think it was enough. idk if it was a love language thing or if im not capable of showing the love they were talking about. i dont think i romantically like them (thats a whole other issue) but like what if i dont actually feel romantic love at all? i love my friends and i believe in platonic love and sometimes the line is blurred (like qprs). for example i have one friend who i really like (platonic?) and for me it is sometimes blurred but idk if its just a deep platonic relationship (qpr???) or if its a romantic type but i am just too scared to think that im romantic to him bc hes my friend and i dont want to ruin what we have. bc dont friends still hold hands and stuff :( i think abt stuff like kissing but im also scared of intimacy (trauma tingz) or maybe thats an aro thing??

i want to love romantically i think but like what if it isnt what i think it is? i realized im not sure what that feels or looks like anymore all i know is what ive seen in the movies--aromantic people are not broken!!!!! i truly believe that :) - but i feel broken?? like theres something wrong with me and i cant feel the same love like others. i dont understand whats happening or why im feeling this is :( maybe im on the aro spectrum? or maybe this is something to work out w a professional? im just so confused

any help or thoughts is greatly appreciated 🥺🥺

please take ur time w this ask!! i know its kind of,, a lot i kinda info dumped on u :( im so confused about myself

So let’s break this apart a bit.

First of all a lot of people have trouble distinguishing what is romance or not, or romantic attraction or not. And it’s really hard to define and explain, even by people who know they’re experiencing it. And for some people the lines are blurred or they genuinely can’t tell at all. So it’s hard in general, even without trauma making it difficult. 

If you’re interested, the faq for this blog goes into some detail about distinguishing romantic/platonic/alterous attraction. So that may be helpful for you. But honestly my biggest advice is to just check out aro forums/blogs/media etc and seeing if it’s relatable and taking your time, sometimes it needs to time to marinate before you can really tell you’re not experiencing an attraction, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

For the trauma, it can be really hard to separate out what’s trauma and what’s just how you’d have been anyways. And honestly, you don’t actually have to and that may be helpful. One way I like to look at it is if you match an experience or find a label useful, does it matter if there’s a cause? Also there’s always a cause, just is it the trauma specifically or some unique interaction of genes and other experiences that lead you to be this way? And the other thing if trauma is a factor could things change down the road? And the answer is maybe. But maybe someone else has a fluid orientation and it changes for them later too, it doesn’t make it less valid in the moment. 

So yeah maybe the reason you think you could be aro and you’re having trouble connecting to romantic feelings/attraction is trauma. But it doesn’t mean if you think aro woud be a useful label for you that you can’t use it. And it doesn’t mean you can’t keep healing and exploring either, but it’s up to you to decide what feels right. 

Remember that there is a different between feeling broken and being broken. And a lot of people when they’re first realising they could be aro feel broken, and it’s something a lot of people go through. It’s OK to have those feelings early on, but try and remember they’re feelings, and that doesn’t make them fact. Also one thing a lot of people have found have helped with those feelings is connecting to other aros and the aro community, and seeing aros who are cool people or happy or good with their identity can help a lot to feel less broken, and even if you decide you’re not aro in the end this can still be helpful and help take the pressure off when figuring out your label. That you can find happiness either way.

I can’t tell you how you should handle the situation with your qpp, except to say don’t be afraid to take the path that feels right for you. We live in a culture that really teaches a one way to happiness and to dealing with these situations, but there isn’t actually a wrong choice here, if you should try a romantic relationship or not. And honestly there’s risks either way, so it’s best to let your own feelings guide you. Sometimes we may make the wrong choice out of fear as well (and either choice could be that), but if that happens the important thing is you learn and you’re more ready next time a similar situation comes up. 

Should you get help from a professional? You absolutely can, and some people do find that helpful. Make sure you find a therapist who is open minded about aromanticism and aro identities and won’t push you towards allonormativity. And remember you can switch therapists or fire a therapist at any time if they’re doing that. Identity is really complicated and personal too though, so I wouldn’t say it’s necessary, but they may be able to help you navigate the trauma side of it better. But it’s up to you what path you think is best for you.

This is a lot of text, but to sum up, take your time and explore, and slowly things should start to make more sense, but don’t rush it. And try not to panic or be afraid of whatever identity ends up feeling right for you in the end. 

All the best and good luck!

[justsoumakothings]

Only Smiles

so heres what happened. I messed up and deleted the last part but its still here. you can read the full thing on  ao3. its better organized there. but this is everything from the last time. If youre just now finding this my blog is new and its just a couple scrolls to find the first part. The story includes a soumako date and confession.

Sousuke splashed water in his face, grabbing his towel and wiping off the excess water. He blinked as he stared in the mirror. He couldn’t believe that this was even happening. Going to the Amusement park with Makoto...he had honestly planned on giving the tickets away to someone else but the perfect opportunity had presented to himself. Soon enough, his phone vibrated to assure him that today was, in fact, a reality.

Makoto: Good Morning! Are you still picking me up?

Sousuke: Yes. I’ll be there in about an hour.

Makoto: okay, no rush! : )

Sousuke placed his phone back in his pocket and smiled a bit. Makoto was always so energetic in his texts and it reflected his personality. He would never be caught sending anything less than a small emoticon, but even those were rare.

He walked back to his room and stood in front of his drawers. Placing his hand on chin, he thought of what he should wear. He hadn’t really gone out in a while….just what was appropriate for a date to the amusement park.

Ten minutes later, he opened his drawers and settled on a grey long sleeve shirt, jeans, and his black leather jacket. He rolled up the bottoms of his jeans and put on his black tennis shoes. Once he finished, he took another look in the mirror. He smiled to himself. For not going out in a while, he didn’t seem too shabby.

Although, he had to remind himself that it wasn’t a date. He didn’t need to look good for Makoto but he also didn’t want to be the one who showed up looking a like a bum. Did he need cologne? No, that was way too much. He had taken a shower the night before.

Before he left, he made sure that he had the tickets and his wallet. He messaged Makoto that he was on his way and headed out the door.

Makoto brushed his teeth after he messaged Sousuke. Surprisingly, his excitement managed to quell his nerves a bit. Not only was it going to be his first time going to an amusement park in a while, but it was also going to be the first time he was going with Sousuke. Actually, they never really did much other than dinner before Makoto went off to college so this change of pace was new to him.

Once he washed up, he went and changed into his clothes. Putting on a plaid, red sleeve shirt, which he rolled up to his elbow. For pants, he just wore blue jeans with tennis shoes. He flopped down on his bed and looked at his phone, smiling when Sousuke said that he was on his way. As he switched his phone off, he brought to his mouth, a smile still on his face. Of course, he was aware it wasn’t a date but he felt special that the two of them were going together.

He heard a meow and then seconds later a cat jumped on his bed. Somehow, the twins had managed to get his parents to budge to buy a cat. It was a white with orange cats but they named it Kuro. He had no idea why. However, she was sweet and it was to please her. Makoto sat up and she climbed in his lap. The time flew by as he played with her and had the tv as background noise. Before he knew it, there was a knock on his door.

“A-ah, coming!”,He gently placed the cat back on his bed and made sure he had all of his stuff.

He ran to the door and opened it with a smile,”Hey Sousuke.”

“Hey Makoto, you ready?”, Sousuke said with a smile.

That smile of his always made Makoto’s heart skip a beat. He felt like it only belonged him because Sousuke rarely smiled for anyone. It could just be because they were closer than most though, he shouldn’t take it as anything more than that. This was just two friends going on a trip.

“Yea I am, thanks for picking me up,”he said as he walked out and shut the door.

Sousuke shook his head,”no problem, your house isn’t too far from fine.”

In order to get to the place, they had to take the train for about 45 minutes. Since it was a saturday, they were forced to stand, holding the handles. They were both standing next to each other but at least the train wasn’t too full. It also wasn’t much compared to their training.

Sousuke tried his best attempt at a conversation to try and make the time go faster. “How has your time back been so far?”, that seemed like a reasonable question to ask. He looked as Makoto responded,”its been great, the twins got a cat while I was a gone, im still unsure how they bribed my parents. Thats not even the best part, the cat is white and orange but they named it Kuro.”, he finished off with a chuckle.

Sousuke raised one eyebrow,”Kuro? That’s pretty odd...maybe they just liked the name. But at least you’re enjoying your time, I hope I didn’t take time from hanging out with your family.”

Makoto shook his head in disagreement,”the twins had some club and my parents had work today, I would have been left alone at the house, so thank you for this. Nagisa and the rest want to wait till I come back with Haru to do something like a dinner.”

Sousuke bounced off of that,”im sure they were excited to see you though and were glad you’re here. I am too. Glad you come back.” Sousuke caught himself nearing dangerous territory and he was glad he could stare at the window, rather than facing the embarrassment of his statement while looking into Makoto’s eyes.

Makoto wasn’t prepared for that at all and a slight blush crept on his face,”I’m glad I could see you too. Rather than through just the phone. I’m still getting used to being away from home. Its nice to see familiar faces.” One of those familiar faces being Sousuke. He looked down, the conversation staying silent, but the air wasn’t awkward. Makoto felt nice being close to Sousuke and his presence soothed him.

Suddenly, the train made quite an abrupt stop, causing Makoto to lose his balance because he was spacing out. However, Sousuke had wrapped one hand around his waist to support him,”are you okay?”, he asked. Makoto sprung back up quickly, a smile on his face,”a-ah yeah, I spaced out” Sousuke just looked at him then responded,”be more careful.”

Makoto’s hand tightened on the handle as he looked down. He wish he could place his hand on his beating heart to get it to calm down but that would be way too obvious. The touch of his hand around his waist did more than what Makoto seemed it would do….was he falling too hard for the man?

Sousuke was thinking the same thing. After Makoto moved away from him, there was a part in his heart that regretted it. A part of his heart that wished he could hold onto Makoto longer. He also didn’t think that he had fallen that hard for the other man but the heart never lies.  

Eventually, they arrived at their destination. Makoto had attempted more small talk, asking about how Sousuke was, before Sousuke reprimanded him,”I said there’s no worrying today and im fine, so dont think about things like that.” It wasn’t helpful at in trying keep Makoto from falling even more. People had worried about him, of course, but never in the way Sousuke had.

Makoto was so used to being the protector that being the protected was a weird, yet very comforting feeling. It made his heart warm that there was a person out there that they worried so much about how he was. His friends worried, of course. However, Makoto was very good at hiding his feelings. It was only Haru that could usually tell something was up but he didn’t try to do that too much. Haru had other things to worry about, especially with Ikuya.

Makoto was snapped out of his thoughts walking out of the train. Sousuke had hit him on the head,”oi, did you listen to what I say?” Makoto looked at him in surprise,”ah-um I-”, he stopped speaking as Sousuke placed a finger on his forehead,”each time it seems like you’re thinking about something troubling I’ll do that, got it?” Makoto could only nod his head in response.

Sousuke knew Makoto was probably worrying about that Ikuya situation too much and it kind of frustrated him. The only thing Makoto should be thinking about was the park and him, anything that wasn’t sad or would make him worry again. This was why he hit him. Once Makoto agreed to his statement,Sousuke smiled as he pulled away,”now come on, these rides will make you forget about all of that.”

“Hmmm, what ride do you want try to first,”Sousuke said as he looked down at the map unfolded in front of him. Makoto looked and answered,”I feel like we shouldn’t just start off with a rollercoaster, maybe something lighter, like the teacups.”  “Makoto I dont know what your memory of teacups were but all I remember is endless smooshing.”, Sousuke said, which led Makoto to chuckle.

“I was always the tallest so I was the one doing the smooshing, ah then maybe the pirate’s ship?”, he suggested. Sousuke smiled,”of course you were and yea lets go.”

The pair walked and talked, Sousuke starting it off,”I really haven’t been here in a while. I didn’t have much time when my swimming took off.”

“Ah same here, maybe more because of the twins, but swimming became our main focus.I always loved it though.”, Makoto said, his eyes scanning the tons of smiles and laughter around him. It was a nice change of atmosphere.

The place wasn’t that far but they were interrupted before they could continue by one of the staff that worked there, a camera in his hand,”feel free to get your picture taken, if you feel like you want at the end of the day you just need a ticket!” They decided there was no harm in just taking and agreed.

The photographer was about to take it but put her camera down,”oh get closer closer, you two must at least be friends, black hair place your hand around his shoulder.”

Sousuke gulped but did just that. This was...already alot of physical contact he didn’t expect to have with Makoto that day.

“1..2..3..smile!~”

Sousuke managed to smile and Makoto did as well, putting a peace sign in the air. The lady gave them their ticket, thanking them, and then moved onto her next victims.

“That was unexpected”, Sousuke said. Makoto smiled,”it was but maybe we do need a photo. I’d like to remember this day.” Sousuke’s heart skipped a beat at the simple words that came out of Makoto’s mouth. He really shouldn’t be this but, oh God , he was

The day was going along pretty well. They started off with Pirate’s Ship and gradually upped the level with each ride.

During the late afternoon, the two of them got hungry and were going to search for somewhere to eat. However, before they did, they walked past a carnival area of the park. A guy managed to catch their attention,”just 25 cents each! If you’re lucky, then you can get a large plush, just land the quarter on one of the plates, easy right?”. It wasn’t in the slightest. That’s how those games worked.

Sousuke was just one of the few people who actually did know how to play this game. He walked up and digged in his pocket,”just a quarter right?”, and the guy nodded. Makoto looked at him with wide eyes,”you have this aura of confidence, have you done this before.” Sousuke smirked,”just start thinking of which plushie you want.”

Before Makoto could comment, Sousuke gracefully threw the quarter. Makoto watch with anticipation as the quarter kept rolling around until it finally settled down, still in the plate. The person working there had a shock on their face, but it quickly turned into a chuckle,”well young man, its not everyday I see this, thank you! Please choose a plushie of your liking”, he said as he pointed up.

Makoto looked at Sousuke, gesturing him to look at it. His heart was beating as he stared at the plushies. This is definitely something people do on date rights? Makoto felt spoiled. Again, another feeling he wasn’t used...not until he met Sousuke. His eyes locked onto an orca whale and he pointed,”that one.”

Once he got the very large plush, he hugged it, almost covering his face. Sousuke chuckled,”it fits you.” Makoto smiled,”thanks Sousuke, I guess it’ll be a nice addition to my dorm.” Sousuke heart skipped a beat and how happy winning that seemed to make Makoto. He wasn’t used to this feeling, wanting to spoil someone, wanting to see them smile. It was all so new.

The two stopped by a buffet place because they couldn’t decide on any specific food.

“What did you want to do after we eat?”, Sousuke asked, taking a bite of his chicken curry.

“Would it be a great idea to get on more rides after we eat? Maybe we could try something light like the carousel or the ferris wheel to pass the time”, Makoto answered but also quickly realized what he said. If they did that….this would really sound like they went on a date. He had been having too much fun that he forgot that were just two friends at an amusement together. Everything just felt so natural.

Sousuke almost choked on his food at the mention of the ferris wheel but responded,”y-yea, I think that would be nice, we could let our food settle and enjoy the view”

“Yea yea, enjoy the view. That would be nice. I think we would be able to see the ocean.”, Makoto, who was just as nervous, said.

The two of them were both hopeless when it came to love. These two who had always been so focused on swimming and caring about other people for a better part of their lives. A whale shark and a whale. An unlikely pair that came together to compliment one another in ways neither of them would ever fathom. This pair definitely needed a bit of courage and a push from the gods.

They were almost to the front of the line. To pass the time, they played some games, one of which was 21 questions, which resulted into them learning things about each other. Like how Sousuke wasn’t a morning person or Makoto loved cats but was quite scared of dogs. Through this, for both of them, it felt like they had gotten close to each other.

When they got into car for the ferris wheel, it rocked a bit due to both of their heavy size and weight. They chuckled as they each sat on one side. Makoto placed his plushie down on one side of the seat and scooted closer to the window.

The two of them were silent until they got higher, Makoto speaking,”wow, you’re beginning to see the whole park.” Sousuke stared out and replied,”ah you can, it seems so small now.” Makoto smiled and spoke as a thought came to mind,”isn’t that how the world is, you think its so big but in reality everything is so small.”

Sousuke thought about what he said for a minute,”you’re right. Also I think they have a parade towards when it hits nightfall when you want to stick around, I saw it on the map.”

Makoto turned his head to look at Sousuke and smiled,”yea, that’d be great! It’d be a nice way to end the night. Ah-thank you by the way, I did technically get in free.” Sousuke shook his head with a smile,”don’t worry about it, I had a pretty good time, thank you for coming on such a short notice.”

Makoto spoke,”oh its fine, besides we haven’t really hung out with each other like this, its a nice change of pace”

“I guess this our first time actually hanging out huh? Im glad we could. I never even thought we would be friends.”, Sousuke wasn’t smiling, but his face was still soft. He wondered what type of conversation this would lead to and he was nervous.

Makoto looked down,”I never thought I’d worry about you as much as I did. Its in my nature I guess but it just felt different with you.” Oh no. Why did he have to say it like that. He never thought that they would become this close, he only saw Sousuke as someone in need help, not a potential friend.

It was something about being locked up in the car of the ferris wheel, the only thing holding them up was pieces of metal that everyone trusted that could fall down at any minute, ultimately leading to their death. Maybe it wasn’t that it was just the ferris wheel that made everyone confess but the thought of realizing that world around you actually isn’t that big. You worry about what so many people might think you forget you’re just one speck of sand out of millions. That realizing things like this makes people take a chance at confessing their love. And it was exactly what was going to happen in just a few moments to the pair of them.

Sousuke continued,“When we first met, I may have been a little standoff-ish-”, Makoto interrupted with a chuckle,”a little?”, which made Sousuke smile,”maybe alot.”

“I realize I probably overstepped my boundaries I bit but...I don’t know. Its like seeing a kitten in a box. Its not yours, you can leave it alone, you’ve never even met it, but yet you’re still pulled to want to help them.”, Makoto said.

Sousuke let out a small laugh,“I don’t know if I should feel complimented but yes. I didn’t know who you were and I kind of associated you with the people who took Rin away from me. Well, he wasn’t mine but, it felt like he was apart of your team, despite being on a completely different team and after I had tried so hard to catchup with him...everything just went downhill after that. I started to shut people off, even Rin.I’m lucky you’re so stubborn, otherwise I might not be here today,”Sousuke finished, smiling at Makoto.

Makoto’s heart started beating after Sousuke said something like that. He really didn’t think he was that special to Sousuke but his words were making him think otherwise. However, he wasn’t aware this much about how Sousuke was feeling. There was a sort of emptiness, loneliness in his words. Did he feel alone? Anyone would after feeling like they don’t have a place to belong to. Being on a team doesn’t necessarily come along with this feeling and it may have been a struggle for Sousuke.

Makoto looked down and spoke,“When I first saw you swim...you were amazing. I was captivated and I figured it was no wonder you were great friends with Rin. But after the drama and your shoulder I was just attracted to you. A large protective aura came over me for some reason. And even now with you, im experiencing different….feelings I guess one would say. But theyre good. Theyre just so foreign to me. I don’t quite know what to do with them yet.”

Was Makoto really being this bold? It was just everything about the moment that screamed even if he didn’t express his feelings now he’d ignore them, throw them under the bus, pretend they weren’t they for years on end. It was better to fall now then to get even higher and fall later. At least, thats how his mind was rationalizing the whole situation.

Something came down on Makoto’s head, but it was gentle. He looked up to see Sousuke smiling,”I would bonk your head but its my fault you put on that face. Its weird but I always want to see your smile, I feel like its what you deserve.” Makoto blushed and his eyes looked down,”saying embarrassing stuff like that…” Sousuke chuckled as he removed his hand,”you’re cute Makoto.”

Makoto only blushed more and looked up, trying to refute his statement,”am not.”

“You kind of are”, Sousuke said.

Makoto stood up abruptly,”HeY-ouch!”, he had forgotten that were both too tall to stand up straight and hit his head. He sat back down and looked at a laughing Sousuke,”Sousuke,this is your fault you know,”he whined,although, for a split second, Makoto was glad he made a fool of himself. Hearing Sousuke laugh like that felt so good to his ears and he wished he had more that throughout the day.

“But here”, Sousuke calmed down and grabbed Makoto’s wrists, removing them from his head. He went to go check his head, since the hit seemed pretty hard,“You’re good, just dont do that again”, he said as he scanned his head. “why…”,Makoto mumbled.

“Huh?”, commented Sousuke as he pulled his head away, not even realizing his hands were still on Makoto’s wrist.

Makoto’s blush crept on his face again,not being handle the gaze of Sousuke’s eyes,”why do you make me feel so safe”,Makoto managed to breath out in a low voice, his racing heart stopping him from speaking any higher.

That caught Sousuke off guard. He made Makoto feel safe? Well, that’s because he wanted too. He wanted to protect his smile, his heart, everything . Sousuke only answered with a question of his own,”why do you make me want to protect you so much?”

Makoto’s hands balled up into a fist,”why...why is my heart beating so fast?”

“Why is mine beating fast also?”, Sousuke questioned.

“Why are we speaking in questions?”, Makoto asked as he finally looked at Sousuke.

Sousuke smiled and looked up,”I dont know, why are we?”

Makoto didn’t have an answer so Sousuke, taking a bullet, spoke,”why...do I want to kiss you right now?”

Makoto was flustered, his face getting redder, but that was only cuter to Sousuke. This was definitely happening, right? Sousuke kind of implied that he would want to kiss Makoto.He spoke even though his nerves skyrocketed,”w-why...would I ever say no?”

Sousuke slowly let go of Makoto’s hands and placed them on his face, still staring at Makoto. He was going to ask if Makoto was sure that he wanted this but his answer was proven by his actions. Makoto had closed his eyes and Sousuke took it as yes. He leaned slowly and didn’t stop until their lips were pressed together.

Is this what a real kiss feels like? Thought the both of them. Also, for both, it was their first time kissing. Everything was new to them. It felt so soft, yet so good.

They stayed like that for about 30 seconds until Sousuke pulled away, his face probably a red mess just like Makoto’s. He placed his hands on his lap and looked down, an awkward silence between them.

“Mako-”

“Sous-”

They both spoke at the same time but stopped.

Sousuke gave into the silence and took a deep breath,”Makoto...as you can most likely tell..I have feelings for you.” His heart was threatening to jump out of his chest. What if everything just went wrong?

Makoto’s heart almost stopped at Sousuke’s words. “U-um...so do I…”

Awkward Silence. Again.

However, Sousuke broke it a minute later,”does this...mean..”

Makoto looked up at him and got where he was going,”I mean..if you want…”

Sousuke smiled and let out a nervous laugh,”I bet we both look stupid now.”

Makoto smiled as the tension died down a bit,”no can see us though. Only we’ll know.”

Before they could continue, it stopped and the door opened. They had completely lost track of time and almost forgot that they were even in a ferris wheel.

Sousuke got out first and offered his hand to help Makoto before the person in charge could. Makoto took it, a smile on his face, his other hand holding the plushie.

After that, Sousuke never let go of his hand as they exited and spoke,”should we go find a spot for the parade?”.he asked. Makoto’s heart was racing but he held his tighter,”yes, lets go do that.”

The two of them were happy. A happy that wasn’t just because you won a game or your team won the swimming competition. It was a different kind of happiness, a content happiness. A happiness that only belonged to them and that they could only feel with each other. A happiness that made both of their faces light up with bright smiles.

A happiness that no one else could make them feel.

[brothalynchhung]

2019 overview.

this year.. was fucking two years in one. also a little late again but whatever. this is going to be long as FUCK. 

started 2019 in dubai

spent the first couple of days in Dubai on the beach

YOOO AS AM WRITING THAT IT FEELS SO FUCKING LONG AGO HOLLYY SHITT

went to London and just fucked around dt and chinatown lost that damn snake ring fml

I got drunk eating dumplings watching Jeffrey star in that bed LMFAOOOYOO LMFAOOOOOEGJEORIGHSREUG

got back to Ottawa and it was straight GRIND from the get go

back to my last semester of uni 

back to club m (omg.. I miss:( kinda lol)

started that govt job

back to social media marketing for Dubai

3 jobs + school basically

did that dumbass STUPID FUCKING govt job all the way in quebec that I woke up for and travelled for everyday 

would go straight to gym, work again, or school fml

wasn't entirely bad I kinda needed it cuz I applied to a million jobs during that time and did school work LMAO also printed a lot of important shit and got paid so whatever

CAME TO TORONTO IN MARCH W TRAND OMG I FORGOT THAT WAS 2019

SAW VINCE STAPLES!!

AND The fortune teller who like prophisized all this shit goddddd 

iconic if I must say

little did I know...

I miss movati fml lol

working at club Monaco omg ugh they gave me life honestly

fun times w trang cc precious Courtney mich JACK Amanda Raman donia even tho she annoying lol and whoever else I worked w jana jil Daria honestly I just miss Courtney LMFAO uhh jenn was cool too 

I'm never going to forget that place I swear to god I have so much loyalty and pride for my memories for that place im never going to take my experience there for

chilling with avid Vinny and like Alex a bit LMAO he would randomly ask to chill it was weird

that Chinese dinner and chat time thing in his car WHAT WAS THATTT

chilling like a scrub a cu with hector and that crew goddLMAO

avin vin rideau gang

visiting avid at nordstorm the Rui girl and Herman lol he was sofunny

MY BODY IS FOR ME NOT THESE BITCHES LMFAOO 

last class with strangle omg he was iconic honestly 

trang pargol fidede zainab mannnn honestly shoutout old Ottawa friends 

xinyii!! and jelly!! my last times with them

I miss Xinyi so much :( im so happy I got to see her before leaving she was so nice I wish her so much success 

remember working those last shifts at cm like.. yo I feel like things are going to change and my days are numbered.. I feel it. 

did interview after interview, applying EVERYDAY to escape 

the amount of focusing I did on applying around feb and April like I was just focused on working and getting out of there

did two interviews in like 2 hours always on the go always moving always working 

and then like clockwork.. at the govt job.. went to the bathroom knew? to bring my phone with me.. and then right when I left I got a call from mk went into that empty conference room and got the offer. cried. accepted. life changing

I honestly just left that place... went to cm and just.. resigned... put my two weeks in...

and it happened literally in my last week of the govt job..

like fate 

immediately went home told cc precious fam 

fam weren't happy 

BUT I FINALLY ESCAPED!!!! LOOKING BACK ON THIS BLOG AND EVERYTHING I FINALLY F I N A L L Y GOT OUT OF THERE THE BITCH ASS CURSED SHIT CITY NEVER GOING BACKEGIUEHGEIRUGH 

shout out precious for helping me honestly he helped so much 

found my place through hmida who held it down

that whole condo scenario LOL godddd my landlord a HOE

met zgy gvy at precious while I crashed a night

THE MILLIONS OF RIDESHARESSS GOODDDDDD

remember the one I took last minute from Yorkdale LMAO that one wasn't bad honestly I slept good

moving my things packaging them up. like yo.. lol

bringing the boxes from shoppers godddd LOL 

finally landed in Toronto with my place

waiting outside for 5 hours for my damn keys crazy with my suitcase lol... 

THEN FINALLY GOT TO MY FIRST PLACE!! MY FIRST RENTAL CONDO ALL ON MY OWN NO ROOMATES JUST ME

unpacking my things

like just finally having my own place mannn that was my dream for such a long ass time

getting around dt a bit getting used to tdot... 

crazy exciting 

then... 3 days in..

...

met that bitch that fucked me up 

met everything I ever wanted in a person? physically and interest wise and yet?

nothing? 

SO CONFUSED I MET SOMEONE WITH EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WANTED

first hookup? lost v? 

new city new job new life new home lost v new everything

in 3 days. 

my life crazy..

spent the whole time like until October till low-key NOW just thinking about it bitterly 

my feelings up and down I was drowning in obsession and confusion

I know I fucked it up but it was fucked up since the beginning

shook everything about what I thought I wanted in gl or a person

standards are definitely raised and all men trash and hoes Idgaf

I feel nothing towards nobody

my whole mind switched to money and power. 

gl I love you but you're not here and we got a lot growing to do so imma see ya ass in a couple of years 

anyways started working at mk!!! craziest 3 month probation thing I had 

HOWWW DID I DOOOO ITTTTTTT 

met so much people... holy shit.. zgy,gvy,hailey,gab,aisha,priya,rach,lisa,alex,DANIA, goddddd

clubbing.. mon., thurs... weekenddd... wake up... 8:30 work

how did I do it.... fuck lol

met a lot of hoes.. fucked with Sunday once more before he died bye bitch ass hoe.. Leo, sleeve, uhhh that's it I think actually

CABANNNAAAA

OMG I SAW SEAN PAUL LIVE ICONICC YOO THIS FUCKING YEAR LMFAOOOOO

omg YEAH I SAW NCT IN MY FIRST WEEK OF TO WITH PARGOL LMFAOOO YOOOOO

damn this year was crazy I keep forgetting shit

all the weird ass ppl I met at cabana omg the humber guy YOO THE ASIAN GUY WITH MY KEYS LMFAOOO ZGY FUCKLMFGIESH

omg tsf lmao and like yeah all the clubbing ppl in to fuck 

half and half like didnnt know if I liked it or not but it was crazy

still think about that Frans night the damn milkshake and food omggg

just spent summer exploring to trinity Bellwoods ossington like summer stories clubbing stories

managing my double life lol

SPIDERMAN OBSESSION LMAOOOO TO DISTRACT MY MIND FROM THAT BITCH ASS HOE LMFAOOFREJGIEURHSTESUIH THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAS A WHOLE WIFE AND BABY YOOO LMFAOOO

good distraction made work fun when I needed it during my last months of probation LMAO

omg going home during lunch and then back to work ICONIC

leaving the girls at my place and coming back for lunch LMAOOO god really iconic honestly showering and going back to work sleeping hoeing all that LMFAO 

omg the time I left Leo at my place YOO LMAO

still have that expensive ass sweater LMFAO WAT A SIMP

those drunk texts he sent Me in august and I punked him off LMFAOO 😩😂

men trash 

darren Chris rob goddd all those damn ppl I met the one guy who saved me during that blacTHE BLACKOUT CABANNA NIGHT GOD THAT WAS A MESS LMAO TITTIES OUT EVERYTHING but yeah he was low key useless I forget his name highboy but whatever

YOOO THAT GIRLS TITTIES I SLEPT ON NGEIRGHEUHUE ICONIC

I got catfishes twice 😩 the change bitch and the John bitch airehguerihserh FUCKKK LMFAO

AND THEN THE CHANG BITCH WAS TRYNA SAY OH U JSUT LOOK TO ARAB THATS WHY WE HAVNET TALKED AGAINL IKE BITCHHHHH FIRST OF ALL UR A WHOLE CATFISHFHERGUERBKSHETERU AHERUIGESRUYR LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

and then I catfish Sunday to punk him off for revenge and call him a thot and thought he was talking about me for catfish when it was just about another bitch he was hoeing with cuz he a hoe.. Jesus my life wild

SO MUCH SHIT THIS SUMMER UHERGHSREG

gained weight fml I don't even wanna mention it iDONT WANNA TALK

even if it is muscle I dDONT WANNT TALK ABOUT IT

the cabana pool jump... godd... walking home drunkregiuhersguhe fucK 

summer was crazy

nada and mama coming wow that was annoying I rlly can't do family even though I love them

getting high swimming the catfish racing munchies arguing with Alex LMAO 

eating out with Dania gab Lisa the normal ppl I met lool

a lot of stress of money and where I want to go I was in a hella rush idk why I think everything happening so fast made me not want to slow down at all but im finally slowing down 

priya end of the year rebel tiff stuff 

basically drowning in depress and regret around the end of summer cuz everything calmed down and I had the time to think and reflect about everything and yeah.. got super depressed

that bitch cc and her bullshit yo just fucking go bye

notice how there's like no memories with her like yeah there was but they were just annoying cuz she was annoying highkey

thanks for bringing my shit from Ottawa tho dumbass LOL eat a dick

THE HOT TUBBBB SUMMERSSS AND SUMMER NIGHTS 

omg all my emo ass walks at night to the port and water and trillium park in the morning aiohreughresehre writing with my journal god that was actually nice tho 

super peaceful so happy to live near the water highkey

always in between losing myself who am I what do I do now who am I like did I lost myself did I ever have myself

major existential crisis

how did I survive work god 

musicmusiscmusicccc

moviesmovesmoves

readreadread

actually I had a lot of night walking home from the club sad

omg remember the ovo guy fucking loser liar 

as usualllll 

RECORDRESCORSDCRECORDDSSS SO MANY TDOT IS PERFECTT

ugh what else fuck too much shit happened OH YEAH

my birthday with the girls and the bbq!! the cake!! omg so nice :((( so funny lol

that weirdo ass man that I still see in the gym sometimes god help me lol 

passing my probation!!!! and then like finally fitting in and feeling apart of mk and the “family” lol

CLARK KENT AND SCOTTISH MANS MAKING MY LIFE EVRYDAYYYYYugh love them

got a moomin from Scottish mans 🥺 love him

anyways got depressed drowning in obsession.. nothing surprising there 🙄 

got high and drunk like bottom of the barrel... 

right before pargol came LMAO 

oh yeah I went to Ottawa because yo I was going out of my mind about losing myself.. needed to go BACK to the place I hated to find myself

went back and it was like??? everything was the same.. still saw vin and avid and Herman at Rideau still had bbt with them 

still fucking around hector and that whole crew had Ivan his girl moe.. ribal..Kyle YO lol that weird ass club experience AS USUAL Ottawa clubs trash god

apple picking same year in a row wit z <3 and hamza and fams lol

saw the kids and got to be stupid again loool 

anyways came back to my actual life

like it just felt weird knowing that the place I had all my memories and experiences in like.. felt nothing

even the forest felt weird like I didn't need to be there anymore?

as much as tried to drown myself in obsession and my past and bad habits.. I couldn't?

im being forced to move forward and learned Sunday was the last experience it was just eye opening

after the emotional shit I sat down again and had a whole purging 

I never felt that bad and horrible and drowned in obsession since raglan..

like.. deleted the hidden pictures... the feeling.. like I've done this before...

that was the final straw..

you think its over just because I am dead but its not over..the games just begun.

never again. 

anyways I met Aisha!!! love her vibe with her heavy

introduceed me to the sugar shit YOOOO LMFAOOO

THEN WE STARTING PIMPIN AND MAKING EXTRA MONEY

NO MORE MONEY STRUGGLE 

GOT FUCKED OVER HEART TURNED COLD NOW WE FOCUSING ON MONEY CAREER POWER PLAYING THESE HOES FOR THEY MONEY AND RECLAIMING MYSELF 

weird ass fucking people but get the money and go 

stack up crazy and saving up this past few months 

and just chilling w friends and therapy sessions

scheming and planning for the future

therapy sessions

got close with Lisa

oh yeah BOLO!! UGH BEST GYM

ALSO OMG I FORGOT I SAW BROCKHAMPTON AGAIN!!! AND SOMEHOW GOT TO THE BARRIER AND LITERALLY HAD SO MUCH INTERACTION WITH KEVIN LIKE SINGING TOGETHER AND THEN HE CAME DOWN SAID I GOTCHU AND TOOK TWO PICS WITH ME FUCKGIERGEIUTHSEUH THAT WAS INSANEEE MY LIFE WILDDDD 

iconic holiday party and New Years with again like random weird ppl and my girls exemplifying how wild and fresh the whole experience of this year was 

at least I be waking up warm and clean in MY PLACEby myself with no bullshit 

just like.. got a new place new job new city basically live the life I always wanted? reading movies? new friends no problems? wtf how my life change so quick

new interesting experiences

getting drunk high dancing at my place out in these streets just meeting bare people all these new people and experiences holy shit... 

and like yeah im not where I want to be but this progress and process is FUN now 

everything a strategy and a move and love staying busy 

wish I had more free time tho I never feel rested my life fucking crazy LOOL

that weirdo bitch who thought he was dating me UGHHH BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL JUST FOR A CAR AND FOOD BITCHARE U CRAZY 

power trip crazy im so sorry jfc 

anyways block and move on

met Chris and we still talking for like 3 months in a row god... lol gunna see him Saturday idk was the HALE going on 

im like surrounded by hoes???? and I don't want it GOD I JUST BEEN FOCUSING ON ME AND MONEYFUCK EVERYONE ELSE 

idek what else maybe im missing shit but this whole year wild best year of MY LIFE though

idk what the fuck gunna happen in 2020 cuz my split lives and the chaos and playing hoes and always thinking about opportunity and abundance and money got my mind and moves all wrapped in strategy but we only ONNLY ONLYYY GOING UP from here no excuses lets fucking go I always say this but 2019 was fucking wild and you know what.. lets fucking go 2020 LETS FUCKING GO as long as I don't gain weight LMFAO lets fucking GO. money and power on my mind exclusively. gl imma see you in 2 years. focusing on bigger things but at least im OUT HERE and ESCAPED and we onLY ATTRACTING AND MANIFESTING ABUNDANCE 

[noxiim]

(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out 

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

[wiccanery]

replying to @redcherrieblossoms who replied to this post (sorry folks, this is going to be long. The rest under the cut because yea

Right so "wiccanery" youre not wiccan yet thats your username on here. And yeah witch craft isn't closed yet when people do it for "aesthetic" I consider that appropriating. You had a chance educate people on shit and you chose to make it a quick 15 seconds of fame. I didn't say anything about the practice being a closed one. Its hilarious to me that youve been somewhat a witch for 2 years and you think you know so much as to have an article. There are witches who have been practicing solitary and in covens for ages and either still dont write about it or are discredited for a small thing they say. But its ok. The few people who do know well enough will see that you failed to mention anything about sigils. Do you even know what sigils are? I remember my second year of witchcraft i knew so little about it that i didnt even care to talk about it. Theres a lot to learn and im not saying you shouldnt voice what you do know but the article came off as childish and uninformed. Next time you get an opportunity like that. Take your time and plan what you say. Talk to other witches. Perhaps youre solitary but id suggest you look into covens because they can teach you way more than you think you can learn. Yeah a lot of witches dont cast circles but you should have given that option so that people can decide for themselves if they want to do it. Misinformation about such a minute detail is more important than you think.

Ok, I’m going to address this by parts.

“Right so "wiccanery" youre not wiccan yet thats your username on here.” Yes. I started as a Wiccan, chose that name, and now I’m not Wiccan but I don’t feel like changing my username as I have many things linked across my whole blog and it’s a pain in the ass to change it again. Plus, I like how it sounds, and I like to make it think as “wicce” which is ancient english for witch if I remember correctly.

“And yeah witch craft isn't closed yet when people do it for "aesthetic" I consider that appropriating.” That’s your problem, because considering the meaning and the rest of examples of appropriation, most of the community I think wouldn’t agree. But you’re free to believe whatever you want, so be it. I don’t like it being used as a trend or as “aesthetic”, but apart from informing, there’s not much we can do (that’s what I was intending with the article). 

“You had a chance educate people on shit and you chose to make it a quick 15 seconds of fame.” Ok, I don’t consider it a 15 minutes of fame thing. People had already approached me. I only do what feels right and try to shed a light on stuff, which is what I did. It’s not like I live off from this blog either or some shit like that. Also, what the fuck am I supposed to do if someone approaches me asking about stuff?! “No, I haven’t been a witch for X years yet so I can’t answer or do interviews”. Fuck that. I wanted to help, and it was a simple subject.

“I didn't say anything about the practice being a closed one.” You said i make it seem as cultural appropriation, and cultural appropriation is something suffered by closed practices (which neo wicca and witchcraft aren’t).

“Its hilarious to me that youve been somewhat a witch for 2 years and you think you know so much as to have an article.“ You don’t know a thing about me. Why are you so bitchy about it? I’ve been actively practicing for more than 2, but learning for 5 or so, but I consider myself (and a lot of people I know do too) as a fast learner so I don’t have much trouble absorbing lots of information. I have an article (two actually, because someone else had also interviewed me a while ago) because I made a post about emoji spells trying to shed a light on what it was and how it works as at that time I had seen many floating around (this post here). People evidently got a hang of it and they come up to me thinking I am super knowledgable on the subject. It’s very simple so there isn’t much knowledge to acquire, it’s not like energy work which is very extensive (and I’m not so well versed in it), so I was more than willing to help.

“There are witches who have been practicing solitary and in covens for ages and either still dont write about it or are discredited for a small thing they say.“ Okay, I don’t do what I do based on what others of my similar position do. I do whatever I feel, and if I feel I can help, I do it. And if they get discredited, I’m so sorry for that, no one should have that happen to them, as everyone perceives their practice as their own and people shouldn’t boss around others’ practices telling them it’s “wrong” if it works for them. If they make valid points, they should be welcomed for their contribution. If they have a wrong idea (i.e. thinking wicca and witchcraft are the same for example, of course they should be educated on the subject).

“But its ok. The few people who do know well enough will see that you failed to mention anything about sigils. Do you even know what sigils are?“ I’m sure you haven’t seen the original post I made that sparked a lot of the emoji spells and being approached for that. I linked it before. You’ll see that I mention that emoji spells work very much like sigils, and if you were bothered to look a bit through my blog, you would have seen that I recommend sigils to most people who come in asking for help, as it’s very easy and simple magic and anyone with pen and paper can do them. I love sigils and I love making them. This validates my previous point that you don’t know nothing about me (apart from skimming through my blog and probably reading my about me page). The reason why I didn’t mention it in this article is because I forgot... People forget things all the time, and I was in a rush when the interviewer approached me so I just concentrated on the emoji subject and my mind left out pretty much the rest.

“I remember my second year of witchcraft i knew so little about it that i didnt even care to talk about it.“ Well, that’s you and your path. I’m in my whatever (second, apparently, it feels like more) year of witchcraft and I feel I have learned so much, but that there’s still so much to learn. I’m willing to help out anyone who approaches me and asks about a subject I know about (if I just know a little, I tell them that little I know about and direct them to other sources); and if I don’t know about, I try to find information and/or direct them to other places so at least I can be of some help. If you didn’t feel like talking about it, then that’s on you, why do I have to be like you?

“Theres a lot to learn and im not saying you shouldnt voice what you do know but the article came off as childish and uninformed.“ I didn’t write it and I didn’t edit it either; I’m pretty sure they made it to be a friendly approach, which may sound childish to some. I just answered the questions that they asked to the best of my knowledge, and considering there isn’t much depth to emoji spells, there isn’t much to say.

“Next time you get an opportunity like that. Take your time and plan what you say.“ I mean, I did think it out, I took my time to answer it, but there isn’t much to add to that subject, as I said. And I wasn’t part of how the final result was. I was just interviewed.

“Talk to other witches. Perhaps youre solitary but id suggest you look into covens because they can teach you way more than you think you can learn.“ Again, you don’t know a thing about me. I’m not in any coven irl because there’s none in my area, but I talk to many witches online all the time in the various witchy servers I’m in, and I try to help out anyone over there. Sure, I always learn new stuff, be it from reading things that are posted or checking on people’s questions and tagging along, which is amazing and why I love being in those servers.

“Yeah a lot of witches dont cast circles but you should have given that option so that people can decide for themselves if they want to do it. Misinformation about such a minute detail is more important than you think.“ If you read the post I made, you would have seen that I added the idea that you can opt for not using the circle, which apparently I had left out before (my bad), but now it’s there, and in the interview, they asked me if the circle was mandatory, to which I replied that no, it wasn’t, and you can opt for using it or not. I posted the article and added a note at the bottom if you care to read it (read it here). Personally, I disapprove of the decision of not including that in the article (the fact that you can choose not to use the circle, that is), but I’m not in the editing team, so I can’t do anything (and I have absolutely no idea how to reply on snapchat stories, I don’t even think it’s possible).

At this moment I just feel you’re bitching just because, which I honestly don’t get. If you have a grudge with me or anything, send me a PM letting me know why, or do whatever you want. Have a nice day!

[inuykago]

hey can you write analyses about inuyasha. Like your opinion on who inuyasha loves more? and why you think so? And maybe share all your feels about inukag on certain episodes! Definitely want to hear your opinion since you're watching it for the first time! I really enjoy your blog!

im so flattered by this ask & so so happy you enjoy my blog T-T

i’ve been thinking about this alllll day so here goes it!

so first all, i think Inuyasha is sucha great, great show. It takes a lot for me to really get into a show, let alone create a whole blog dedicated to it, and inuyasha was really able to grasp my attention within the first episode. I either like or dislike a show, and i freaking LOVE inuyasha. The characters are so dynamic and different and all such bad ass bitches in their own ways, and i LIVE for that! and of course the ships in the show makes it 1000000x better. Though there are a lot of episode and people may find that to be dragging, i think it’s really great bc the show preciously shows the story line and doesn’t let its viewers miss out on any detail. Whether it’s just one line or an entire scene, inuyasha really knows how to keep its viewers interested.

Before I give my opinion on who I think Inuyasha more, I think it’s really important to first show I analyze both Kikyo and Kagome (based on what I’ve watched which is up to season 6 so far).

So, let’s take a look back at Kikyo - Kikyo was obviously taken away by Inuyasha, as we saw in the flashbacks, she spent quite sometime with inu, whether it was to seriously talk or just take a simple stroll. From what I’ve seen so far, Kikyo’s love for Inuyasha is much more mature and serious. Kikyo knows what her duty in life was, and that was to protect the sacred jewel. Kikyo and Inu talked more on serious terms, while of course, also enjoying each other’s company, which made both of them forget about their worries and flaws for awhile. She tries to convince Inu to use the shikon jewel to make him fully human. Not only did Kikyo want this as a way to be with him for eternity, but also because she wanted to settle down. She wanted to settle down with someone who has made her feel much differently than ever before. Kikyo wanted to spend the remainder of her life with Inuyasha, and help him grow and just embrace in one another in what they are - a priestess and half-demon. They were defying all odds and both her and Inu fell in love with that. Kikyo wanted Inuyasha to grow up, but to also grow old with her. 

Now, Kagome, despite being Kikyo’s reincarnation, is much more different than Kikyo and I think that has to be one of the most beautiful parts to this “love triangle,” if you will. Finding Inuyasha pinned to the Sacred Tree in the Feudal Era was, obviously, life-changing for her. She was confused, curious, and also a bit scared. However, after Inuyasha saves the village from a demon, I believe she finds herself feeling more safe. Though Kagome didn’t realize it, she had already developed a little crush - a little baby crush. But this soon turns into an innocent, childish love. Not childish like immature, but childish like new and unaware. Kagome loves Inuyasha and yearns to be by his side to experience new adventures, new feelings, new knowledge, and just have fun. Kagome wants to experience everything first with Inu. However, despite her love that runs so deep, she is mature enough to understand that Kikyo will always by Inu’s first: his first love. Though this breaks her heart, she swallows her pride and embraces Inuyasha’s decision to pursue Kikyo first and forth most. Her love is so genuine, she just wants the chance to experience life by his side, even if that means Inuyasha doesn’t reciprocate that same desire.

Therefore, I believe that Kagome loves Inuyasha more (if that wasn’t already obvious lol). I cannot fully express the amount of love Kagome has for Inuyasha. It takes so much courage, understanding, and LOVE to be able to watch the person you love, basically, love someone else and, subconciously, puts you to second-best. As I previously explained, Kagome wants to experience life with Inu by all means necessary. She lives for the arguments, laughter, and danger that comes their way. She knows that though he still has feelings for Kikyo, Inu would never hesitate to protect/save Kagome, and that’s what puts her mind to ease. Her innocent, childish, yet mature love for Inuyasha is impossible for me to ignore because it’s so much more than just “love” itself.

So, if you see all my posts, you’ll obviously see how i go completely berserk when an inukag moment happens, even if it’s for a split second, my heart literally cannot contain itself. Since there are sooooooooooooooooooooo many inukag moments/episodes, I’ll just talk about my top three that I can remember off the top of my head for now!

Season 1, Episode 1-2

of course i had to mention the ICONIC episode(s) that started it all. When i first watched the episode, I didn’t really know what to expect. I used to watch the show when I was younger, but I was like 6 so of course I had no idea what was going on. So let me tell you, how messed up I am now when Kagome saw Inuyasha, on that tree, all helpless, but yet “sleeping” so soundly….I’M REAL MESSED UP. When she reaches for Inu’s lil doggy ears it hurts me so much because I love his lil doggy ears and how he wiggles it around when he hears something or people talk about it. Just the mere fact that Kagome pulled out the arrow out of him (((EVEN THO EVERYONE TOLD HER NOT TO BECAUSE HE WILL KILL EVERYONE))) just makes me really want to punch myself in the face or something because even she knew!!! she had to do it!!! And then as the episode goes on and Inu keeps calling her Kikyo i’m honestly like “really man” and of course it’s understandable why Kagome gets so uptight about it. But that whole thing is the first-hand example of how Inu cannot forget Kikyo. Anyways, when Lady Kaede puts the spell on Inu and gives him a necklace that can’t be taken off and thus the infamous “Sit!” comes in…. dude, when inu just sits there all sassy because he can’t do anything it melts my heart lmao. Then of course in the following episodes Inu and Kagome have to team up to find the shards after Kagome accidentally shatters it, and thus INUKAG IS BORN OUO

 Season 2 Episode 48

Okay, let’s be real here. This episode is/was the actual source of my TEARS. LIKE!!!!!!!! As soon as I realized that Kagome was going to end up seeing Kikyo I was screeching my poor precious Kagome her innocent precious eyes, I didn’t NOT want her to see that T-T But so she did, and my heart was ripped out yet again… When Inu hugged Kikyo and says that he’s the only who to protect her, I was both sad and mad but more sad because !!!KAGOME!! and then when he turns around and sees Kagome and he looks at her with those precious little puppy dog eyes….all the feels man…. all the feels…. Then when Kagome goes back home and thinks about Inu and Kikyo and wishes Kikyo didn’t exist I FELT THAT like spiritually mentally physically… Then later on in the episode when Kagome decides that it’d be best to never go back to the feudal era and give back the shards and forget about Inuyasha and all I literally started crying. I was in my school library and I was crying in my cubicle. but OK AT THE END WHEN INUYASHA AND KAGOME TALK AND I FELT THE TENSION AND EVERYTHING AND KAGOME EXPRESSED HOW SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT INU WILL ALWAYS HAVE FEELINGS FOR KIKYO, BUT SHE STILL WANTS TO STAY BY HIS SIDE AND HOLDS HIS HAND AND THEY WALK TOGETHER!!!!! LIKE!!!! THAT IS WHY IM SO FOR INUKAG AND KAGOME IS A BOSS ASS BITCH. SHE IS SO MATURE AND LOVES INUYASHA SO DEEPLY AND JUST WANTS TO LOVE HIM AND LIVE LIFE WITH HIM AND MAKE SURE HE’S HAPPY AND OUT OF HARMS WAY AND JUST BURY ME WITH MY SHIP

Season 4 Episode 89

Let me just say that i freaking LIVE for episodes that take place in the modern dimension, because I know Inuyasha will always find his way into there because Kagome always gets back “late” (yeah ok or he just CANT STAND NOT SEEING HER) and Inuyasha in modern day is so adorable because he’s so lost and clueless and so used to fighting demons and monsters that he doesn’t even know what it’s like to walk in a city and i just LOVE it. Anyways, the tHING THAT REALLY GOT ME IS HOW OK HOJO ALWAYS GIVES KAGOME FOOD AND FRUITS TO CURE HER “ILLNESSES” BUT IN THIS EPISODE INUYASHA DOES SOME OF HIS OWN HUNTING AND GATHERING AND GETS INGREDIENTS FOR KAGOME AND BRINGS A GIANT LOAD OF IT BACK TO HER HOME AND HE MAKES IT AT HER HOME AND JUST T______T I CANNOT. Then at night when he pat Kagome as she fell asleep and he watched over her and looked through her photo album, i was living and i was loving it. Like my inukag feels NEED these things. And he just spent the night with her like fck my shit up ugh. and when Kagome woke up the next morning and realized she was gonna be later and Inu rushed her to get dressed and took her to school for her “test” !!!!!! I COULDNT HE WAS SO HAPPY TO TAKE HER TO SCHOOL AND HAPPILY WAITED FOR HER TO FINISH UP THE SCHOOL DAY AND HE WAS JUST SO PRIDEFUL AND HAPPY AND WANTS KAGOME TO EXCEL BECAUSE HE KNOWS SHE CAN AND THATS WHEN MY HEART BURSTED 

once again thank you so much for this ask, and anyone who read this!! I know its A LOT but i have a LOT of feelings and inukag murders my soul but i love it and now cannot live without it. Thank you for allowing me to pour out all my emotions

[daxiia]

TAG!

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

Tagged by the wonderful @ladywiltshire Thank you love! :D

1. Do you remember your first time watching or reading Fullmetal Alchemist? What was your first impression?

Yes! Soooo many years ago when 03 was airing on tv. My first reaction was, “Why does that robot sound like a little kid?”

2. Tell us about The Fave™.

GREED!!! FIRST GREED!!!! LOVE OF MY LIFE, KNIGHT WITH SHINING CLAWS, I LOVE HIM!! I WANT HIM TO CRUSH ME WITH TH00SE ARMS !!! Imean Have you SEEN those TEETH ,, o m G 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 goshh

3. Do you have a favorite fan work? Fanfics Comics?

I’m sure everyone feels the same about this one but Siruoa’s Emperors New Clothes video. Talk about my most viewed youtube video.

4. Hit me with an analysis/opinion you have on the series or characters!

I don’t really do analysis. Is it a passing grade if I just say “my analysis is that Greed is hot”?

5. Tell us about a project you have going on! Or if you don’t have one, maybe something you’ve always wanted to write or draw?

I’ve always wanted to make a lyric video of Greed to Disturbs song Avarice. I promise i’ll do it one day when I get motivation lol

6. Favorite opening/ending number and why?

My favorite opening is fmab 3rd one Golden Time Lover! I find it SUPER catchy plus the scenes used in that op are so amazing!!! Just go watch it and pay attention to the transitions between characters and camera angles. I can’t praise it enough.

My favorite ending is actually fma 03’s first ending!! It gives me such a rush of nostalgia, also the song itself is great. And the art style is beautiful, i adore the use of solid black for shading. Plus the little hand to hand combat scene with Ed and Al. It also has little still images from parts from the story. Its beautiful, i love it so much. Also I think endings in general don’t get enough love so go watch them all if you haven’t!

7. Tell me about a scene that really touched you or made you realize something about yourself.

Gosh… I’ve actually been asked the question a lot and I try not to use the same scene but I CAN’T HELP IT!!

The scene when Ed and Al go home to Winry. Idc how many times I’ve watch fmab, I will always cry from that scene. As soon as I hear the music in that scene and see Winry slowly walking to the door I start to tear up. Then when she hUGS THEM I JUST- I get chills just thinking about it. That entire journey trying to get their bodies back and they finally did it, and they get to go home and- Ed’s promise about the tears of joy i just- I CAN’T 8. OTPs! Who are they? Why are you WEAK FOR THEM??

This might be a shock but… My OTP is GreedxLing. I know right, me? Who would’ve thought.

But yeah I ship this ship so hard is makes me sick. I adore shipping them romantically like I LOVE YOU kinda stuff but honestly I am so thirsty I will take anything. There isn’t enough content for that ship and it DEPRESSES ME. Also I hardly ever see art of First Greed and Ling. :/ it’s always Ling and Greedling. Even tho thats literally still LING. I mean I’ll take it but whatever LOL

I also love Edling but that’s always on my blog so no surprise there either. Aside from those two ships I don’t actively search for any other fma ship anymore. I used to hardcore ship KimbleexMiles (even tho it’s totally wrong ik) but ran outta content and fell into a pit of despair. Rip me 9. Funniest headcanon you’ve ever seen. Go!

UMMM… Greed being a super dorky bookworm if his avarice extended to wanting to KNOW everything too. And him just schooling everyone all the time, or just saying random facts out of nowhere.

10. What spurred you to join the fandom?

My sister wanted me to rewatch fmab with her since I hadn’t watched it in a long time. I fell in love with Greed and slowly started devoting my tumblr to him till I became a part of the fandom lol I was actually an Osomatsu-san blog before this. I someone managed to smoothly transition to fma tho

11. Definitely the same question… have a fandom meltdown here and tell me why you love your fandom or show/comic so much!

Fma is probably the most well crafted, interesting, and heartwarming series ever created. I mean there is no pointless filler episodes, everything happens for a reason. And every character serves a purpose while still being able to stand out among the huge cast of characters.

Basically it’s a work of art that makes you care for the characters and stay interested in the plot from day 1. Also, out of all the fandoms I’ve ever been apart of, fma has the nicest, warmest community of people. I’m so glad to be a part of it and to have been able to meet and talk to so many of yall. This is getting a bit gay but I love this fandom, and I love yall! People I tag: @grey-ling | @romip89 | @corporategreed-fma | @allfullmetal | @hi-im-secretly-satan | @followthechick | @greedoda

I literally can’t think of 11 off the top of my head. Also feel free to ignore this tag. And here’s my questions for yall! (All are FMA btw)

1. Who do you think has the best character development in the series?

2. Tell me about your FAVORITE character and your LEAST favorite character? Why do you love/hate them?

3. If you could change one thing in the entire series what would it be?

4. QUICK! Give me a really cute headcanon about your OTP/fave?

5. What is your favorite arc and why?

6. What character do you think is under appreciated?

7. What is your sin?

8. If you (and someone close to you) were in Ed and Al’s place, would you be okay with using the stone? Why or why not?

9. Is there any villain you feel sympathy for and can fully understand their motives? Do you think what they did was justified?

10. Which would you rather eat, Winry’s apple pie or Gracia’s quiche?

11. And finally, what is your FAVORITE moment in the entire series?

[imagine-sherlock-holmes]

Soulmate Au Where The Red String of Fate exists, and only some people have the ability to see the strings, and these people can actually cut strings and knot other people’s strings in to alter the soulmate laws.

Sherlock x Male reader/oc

Warnings: This could be a multi-parter

My name is Richard Roosevelt and I can see the Red strings of Fate.

 Im a college student, finishing my last year actually. I live in England, London.. And there is nothing much else to say. Im a pretty boring person actually, there is nothing very special about me except the fact that I can see the strings. But im afraid of that boring side I have. Im afraid that people wont really like me if they see how plain and bland my personality is. I’ve never considered myself to be an interesting, special human being thats destined to change the world, or maybe just doing something extraordinary. No, im just plain old Richard, a science major that lives in fear of being labeled as boring. Mine is a pathetic existence really, afraid of peoples opinions of me, changing my appearance specifically to lead people away from the truth. And all in all, why was I so afraid of being discovered?

 Well maybe it was my past,being bullied for being the nerdy kid in school who much rather would stare at books all day than build pointless relationships with people in which I wasn’t really interested in. Or perhaps it was the social concept of being accepted in to society, the pressure of being exactly by the criteria in order to be seen as “acceptable” All in all I didn’t know, but what I did know was that I was thinking way more in to this than I should be right now.

“Great, now im late.” I muttered as I checked my wristwatch for about the 3rd time now. I was supposed to meet a friend today, and the the train was a bit late, to which I cursed in my mind. “Sorry Molly, I’ll buy you a drink later.” I muttered again, as the train had finally arrived to which I sighed in relief.

– “Dear God im so sorry im late!” rushing towards the table where the light brown haired woman sat, I put on an apologetic expression as I pulled off my coat in a hurry. “The train was late and I wasn’t able to catch a cab in this weather” I explained, motioning to the downpour that was going on outside.

“O-Oh no, its quite alright, at least you came.”

 I cringed at the mentioned absence of her previous dates as I looked at her with an apologetic and worried eyes.  “Did someone bail on you again?” I asked in a gentle voice as she simply gave me a half hearted smile and averted her gaze to somewhere else, obviously embarrassed about the topic. “Oh geez, i hope its just a one time thing this time?” I asked with concern in my voice as she glanced back up at me. I furrowed my eyebrows. 

“How many times has he cancelled on you now?”

After a moment of hesitation she finally made an answer.

“Five”

“Five times?!?” I yelled out slightly, making sure not to raise my voice too much, that would be an embarrassing situation.

“Well yes! He told me he was busy and then one time his cat got sick and-“ “His cat got sick?!? Molly seriously that’s like the cheapest one you’ve fallen for!” Raising my eyebrows I stated to which she averted her eyes, disheartened.

 I sighed but before I could apologize the waiter had come up to us, asking if I wanted something. I ordered a glass of water before turning back to Molly. “Well cant you match me up with someone? I mean you see the strings so you could just-“ 

“Molly you know I cant, its against the law, we cant tell people who their soulmate is, even if its our own.” 

I sighed, glancing at the surface of the table. “Yeah I know.” She voiced quietly and I looked back up at her, giving her an apologetic smile. “Well im sure you’ll find the real guy soon! Your smart, clever and-“

“Molly!” 

Before I could finish, a deep raspy voice had interrupted me, as I looked at the person who so rudely interrupted me, I froze. The one standing in front of our table was the one and only Sherlock Holmes. I have heard many rumors and stories, mainly from Molly, about the detective, and even knowing that he is said to be quite the a**hole, I still took interest in his work. But that is not what shocked me at the moment.

“S-Sherlock, John? What are you doing here-“ 

“We need access to the morgue,there is a new case no time to explain.” He voiced in a level and monotone voice, which irritated me slightly, but I still decided to say nothing, as I was yet to process what exactly this whole situation was

“W-Well im sort of busy right now so-“ Sherlock’s eyes drifted to me and narrowed simultaneously.

“Age twenty one, height 176cm, college student, most likely in his last year seeing from the book in his bags, American but lives in England, most likely London, not in a hurry to go anywhere, so somewhere nearby. Lives alone, has no pets, doesn’t drink or smoke but suffers from lack of sleep and most likely social anxiety as well.” 

“Sherlock I think that’s enough.” His partner, John, who had entered the small café with him had decided to try and stop Sherlock from butting in to peoples personal lives, but it didn’t seem that the detective had any intention of stopping.

“Mildly concerned about peoples opinions of him and judging from the way he is dressed follows late fashion, meaning he tries hard to fit in and make the “best” impression. He uses his lack of social skills and anxiety as an excuse for not having many friends but in reality its his boring and simply bland personality that’s the issue.” 

“Sherlock!” Both Molly and John had seem to have enough of him blurting out all of my personal life and fears as he finally shut up, by the word of now a very displeased John and Molly.

“You have got to stop doing that, people don’t like being-“

“Being what? Told what they are? “ Sherlock furrowed his brows ay John as the smaller man glared at him. 

“Exactly!” 

Molly looked at me worryingly before calling out. “Rich, are you -?”

“Im fine” Everyone had now turned to look at me as I had lowered my gaze to the table again, but I looked up at molly and gave her a reassuring look.

“Really, im alright.”

“Im so, sorry about that-“ John had started before I waved my had signaling that it was fine. 

“Don’t worry, its fine, I was a bit surprised at first but it is to be expected from Sherlock Holmes I suppose.” I said, most of my strength going to mask my annoyance and irritation. Of course I was expecting this to happen but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t annoyed by the fact that he so publicly humiliated me.

“You know me?” Sherlock asked making me turn to look in his eyes and before staring silently at him for a second I decided to answer. “Yeah, you’re Sherlock Holmes, the famous consulting detective.” I simply answered making the detective go puzzled.

“I read his blog.” I added, motioning towards John, who now had a smile plastered on hos face. “You do?” 

“You do?” 

John asked and Sherlock re-questioned as I nodded, it seemed John was happy to hear that and he most likely wanted to ask more but I decided to interrupt him.

“Yes well, you read me almost perfectly, but is there anything else you could tell me about myself?” I questioned a bit sassily as I turned to face the detective as he narrowed his eyes. 

“You can see the strings” he voiced as I smiled and closing my eyes I nodded, before standing up.

 “Yes well I suppose it wont be so awkward then.” I chuckled at my own self before handing out my hand for him to shake. He took it, suspiciously as he glanced at me, puzzled. “My name is Richard Roosevelt.” He rised an eyebrow ay my sudden introduction, not really understanding why I was doing it and why should he be bothered to care. I chuckled at his expression before narrowing my eyes at him and playing a sly slime on my lips.

 “Im your soulmate.”

[preslawsblog-blog]

a short week

I know this is the first thing that i post after last Wednesday and i know that i said that i will keep posting stuff and work but although i didn't it doesn't mean that i didn't attempt to i guess it still counts as sth lets say half point. Basically i started writing the next day but i got interrupted so i saved all i had written in a draft so that next time i start writing i can keep it from where i was. Untill now all my posts were directly written in tumblr so excuse me if sth is not correct but im not doing this anymore probably. So after i got back to work and finnished my post i posted it and idk why but the only thing that appeared on my wall was the first draft that i saved and the rest was gone. Like two days after i wrote it all over again and even more it was like 1500 words and after i posted it it didn't appear on my wall and again all my work was lost idk why and what happened but i was feeling really bad... Basically today i will write all i had written on thise posts cause i remember most of it cause i already wrote it twice. So basically is is also the event of the last week. It was a change of my lifestyle so that i will study more and be more efficient at my studying. I said to myself that i will spend most of my time in the library and gonna go home only when i eat or sleep even i could take a lunch with me so at least i get used to trying to study. Basically i think it was a pretty positive change but honestly im not doing enough work for all the time i spend in the lib so im not efficient enough. I need to be more focused and i need to remove all the distractions. I also need to know what i am doing cause often i just open 5 different works and try to work on all of them  and at the end im not doing anything so at least i know what i need to do and thats what think is so helpful about it. So basically last week on wednesday i wrote my latest post actually i think they were two so I just had that decision to lock myself in the librarry i called it the first day in the bunker and thats how i named my post that i never released. After the lecture i went out to kebab rush so that i take my lunch cause its really easy to get hungry while studying so i had a good lunch with my wriends. After that there was a guest lecture. A very famous and good graphic designes was here to explain some stuff to us. I forgot his name i wrote it down but lost it with my first post. So he was showing us his work and saying why it was good he shiwed us some of his ancient designs from the era before internet. They weren't anything special to me but i bare in mind that there was no internet and media back than so im capable to appreciate it. There were some interesting ideas if maps made for pedestrians on streets and airport things and stuff like that. I think that was insightful but only to kniw it in any case its always good to know where the things came from but honestly i dont think it was worthed. I did learned some stuff but it was really hard for me to focuse. Honestly the lecture was so boring. I sware i was the only one trying to pay attention. Everyone around me were sleeping or scrolling through the facebook news feed. The designer once gave example how somebody said to him to be quiet and said loudly "Shhhhh" And my friends got suddenly scared of that thinkin he says that to them cause they've been talking among them. Although they've been quiet the designes was also quiet and we all were sleepy and was so easy to fall asleep. My tutors didn't like the fact that there werent many people cause it wasn't mandatory and people just don't wanna go to this lectures cause they are straight boring. My tutors didn't stay till the end and probably they had some classes but idk i still think that they were just borred and i think that they just pretend to be interested just to give us the right example cause if they are not should we actually be. See people start to lose interest in these lectures cause they are all boring. Than after that frankly i just wanted to go home but i tryed to make the right decision and go to the library so that i can study. I didn't have my catalogue started. At least the work on computer. But i was having the idea so i didn't have to take time for plans. I started with the basics and that made the illustration... Damn that simple illustration took me soo long at least a few hours after that i was placing the different elements like date and place some text about the exhibition and such things. I couldnt finnish it. It was really hard fir me to concentrate and create interesting ideas the graphic design skills were missing i made everything quite basic. At least the folding was more more interesting so is not the wirst thing ever but i was having a bit more to finish it. I stayed in the lib from like 2 to 9 and than i came come made some food for dinner and for the next day cause i cant afford kebab rush every day i wanna study at the library after uni and also i can't wake up early enough so that i can have breakfast. The next day we were having crits and i woke up on time i wasn't really sleepy but it was raining a lot so i waited to stop and i was late with less than an hour but i got on tine for the crit session. I got some feedback on the catalogue i did the previous day. I also got to talk to Zornitsa. She was guest lately and halping us and giving us some feedback. I was lucky that she was bulgarian as well so we were talking to  each other to more understandable language for me so i got mire insightfull feedback. For now i had changed the type cause of her advice and some other stuff. That was the work that we should have been doing while the others have been doing the gifs for the web site. Damn this site... Before i know that we gotta do coding it  from scratch i thought that im actually having some chances to pass but niw man... I feel so fucked. Basically i hate coding. Everyone hates coding. And if i wanted to study coding i would sign up for programming cause its better paid that design. We are suppesed to learn to code for half a month and all the lessons we are having are once a week and we should also make the camplicate design of a site and code it that way so is not a simple cading and i had never done this. It sucks for me cause even for the lessons that we are having in uni im so far behind  cause in the begining of the course i went to bulgaria for my concert and i was having a bit of a trouble there and missed the first few lessons and than when i was back i just couldn't catch up with the group. Everyone have been doing some crazy stuff and i didn't understand anything. Im also having a dislection and its not only hard for me to read huge amounts of text. Like books and stuff. Here theres no logic context and sentences. Heres signs like dots slashes and colins and stuff. All that so confusing to me end don't get me started on when i make a mistake and i have to find it where is... Is cool that when a code isn't working its says where is the mistake but it takes a lot of copying ant stuff like that. You know thats why i never corect my posts its so hard to find and correct all my mistakes cause i just can't see them. I know it sounds stupid but i guess theres sth wrong with me. Is not that bad im handling in normally but im concerned that i might not be able to pass the module cause if that soecific breaf. The problem is that i should be doing it on my own and all the things i borrow fro another weds i have to mention them so i was planning to save the skeleton of some simple site and than change it like the pics banners and words similar to mine i can at least try but even that is not allowed so im really worried and i aint got no idea what should i be doing maybe i can try doing it my way and than say that it was actually me the one who wrote it its at least possible to pass it like that and if not i cant imagine honestly starting from scrach it will take  ages fir me to finnish it... I will focus now on the other stuff and leave it for latter cause at least i wanna get sth ready. So after the feedback from Zornitsa i was trying to be helpful to my group for the group project for the web site.  I was just standing there for atendance and litterally loosing my time i couldn't understand shit that was happening and i was getting tired of doing nothing and honestly i soent way too much time there i don't think that my team actually needs me but ill be there to help if enything else. Eventually we've been working untill 4 or 5 o'clock and actually i was verry tired so altho this was the second day of the "locked in the bunker" Series i was feeling that we actually had done some work like for the day i was having enough feedback and we had done some parts of the group project on top of that i was quite sleepy and it was a real challenge fir me not to leave. So i came home and on the way back i spread some CVs so i can say that although i didn't go to the library today i had done enough work and was a quite productive day. Honestly i forgot what i was doing the rest of the day but i think that i went to bed a bit more late. Next morning i got up late again, had breakfast and than i played a game that we recently bought and im starting to get quite adicted so i played for a bit. I wanted to go letter to the library to go study so  in order to avoid playing for hours that game and waste my day i put an alarm so that i know when is time to go. I went than to the librarry and i started writing in my blog basically rewriting this post. I was writing it for like an hour and half and than im almost sure that i posted it but.. Yeah i did post it but than i checked my profile to see how it looks like, and i didn't see it at first so i waited a bit. I refreshed the app a bit times rested my internet and i was feeling so bad... At least i know now to write it always on my NOTES app cause there everything i write is saved automatically. So basically i was trying to code my site cause there was no way fir me to start doing all this stuff all over again so i decided to change the topic cause for almost two hours of writing i was soo fed up and i mean... The way im writing is i just pick up my phone i concentrate and  i start instantly writing everything that comes to my mind and is almost with no pauses, maybe only when i need to translate some words but apart from that i am constantly writing and i think that this is one of the little things that i can keep my atention to... maybe its because my phone is much smaller and i can controll where it is and keep my focus where it should be and for the computers in the library they are too big and it takes more of my peripheral sight and amont with it i see other distracting things and.. Idk its just much more easy for my phone to keep my atention instead of the PCs. The only thing thats holding me back from writing in my post is i guess the will to actually start writing its like i know that right now i might be free but i fill probably decude to do sth stupid in the next 10 min and i don't actually wanna spend an hour writing. Good ting would be to write befire i go to bed and orobably i could make this as a habit but right now its rather sth that i wanna do but i never do. So i spent the rest of the day trying to make the code for my site and i saw how hard it actually is to check all the codes and make them work property and i got kinda depressed about it cause honesty idk how im gonna pass it.. Basically untill now  i was focusing more on my other stuff like the catalogue and the poster cause this is a thing that i still have to do and is the most denanding thing cause i need to be in track with the lectures so that im having propper feedback. And this is sth that i learned from the last semester that if i dont have corect feedback than i will have many incorect things and at least when im handing out my breafs i would have talked to my tutors and i would know what they are looking for  to be done and i will have it done till then so if theres anything that i didn't do well i will know it cause they already told me. So thats for friday. Honestly i forgot what i was doing on saturday and sunday i know that one of the days i almost finnished my catalogue at least i made it look better i had my poster almost done basically i dont know what actually i should be doing on it anymore i took Zornitsas advice so i changed the type that i was using and than i repaired the little details. And about the catalogue i ictually folded it and i saw that i was having some technical issues so now i have to repair tham but it wont take too much time. On monday i was working no the modules from my last year and unfortunately on tuesday i couldn't attend on my lectures cause i was having a job interview finally.. It was about a work in a hotel on the road between Coventry and Birmingham. I was instructed to take the bust to go to one of the stops and than i should have been waiting for the hotel minibus that would take me to the hotel. So what happened. I went there an hour earlier so that im sure that everything is all right. Than when the time came i started to look for that car and i didnt see it. I called the hotel number but nobody picked up the phone. I kept looking for it than i saw it going  the oposite direction without to stop. I was calling them again for like 20 min  than a woman picked up the phone. I explained the situation and wanted from her to connect me with the man who sent me the invitation. In another 20 he called me. And told me that in an hour i will have to wait for another car. The point was that i was cold and my hands were blue yet from cold. But i needed that job so i waited for it. This time i instantly saw it and got there. It drove me to the hotel there i saw the man i was having conversation with before. He interviewed me, i think i did well but unfortunately i didn't have enough expirience and depending on the other peoples expirience he will write me in a week if i get the job. The think that worries me i that i lied in my cv that i used to work in a bar for a few months but honestly if i didnt write it i wouldn't be called anyway. He asked me some interesting questions and i got to answer all of them and than i got to talk to him so i tryed to convince him that im actually really good about that job. It was well done. Im really hoping to come up well for me. So than i went home but when i got to the bus station i got the bus the other way to Birmingham. I know... I just can't change. Ive always been like that and i swear im still trying... I got home at 6 it was a long travel. I didn't have time and energy to study so i had a dinner maybe played some game and went to bed and thats basically my last week. I think that it was quite busy and its much more productive than before. I hope that in the future ill get used to being more efficient and productive at what im doing.

[flockofdoves]

i dont really know why im posting this on my public blog instead of privately or probably even more sensibly with people i care about (although i just feel so alienated, i’ve become good friends with people in college and i love them a lot but i’m not sure despite how open some people have encouraged me to be, if my relationships are close enough to talk about this kinds of stuff seriously, which might be a weird concern because i overshare all the time but i just always feel really guilty for it) i guess i mind less about people hearing this and more about burdening anyone in specific, idk!!

but yeah ive just been really emotional this week, or really ive had the same range of emotions as usual but ive just been crying a lot again. i used to cry almost every day and have like weekly panic attacks in high school when my relationship with my parents was really toxic and i was harassed every day at school my senior year, but since freshman year after my dad was diagnosed and then my nana passed away and then my dad passed away too for the most part i’ve just been holding in so much and i’m finally starting to let that out this past month or so but in really weird ways where i’ll burst out sobbing even in public over the stupidest shit

and thats started to happen multiple times a week as of this past week and its made me realize how i feel alone all over again. i have one person at university i would consider to genuinely be a close friend even if he may not consider me a best friend, i’m not sure, but we only see each other around every other week when we actually plan to hang out because we’re no longer in any of the same classes or dorms or anything. beyond that i feel most comfortable with people from work, and consider many of them to be my friends, but recently some of my co-managers have been speaking out about how they feel unwelcome in our work environment and it can feel cliquey and it makes me so upset that i didn’t pick up the cues that shouldve made me realize that, i feel like i’m not doing my part and if i am misinterpreting my relationships with my coworkers, then maybe they dont even consider me as much of a friend as i do them.

and then ive started to get closer with a few people ive only really talked to since school started and they really all are just such wonderful people and i want to get to know them better but i worry the way i’m opening up to them is disproportionate and unfair to them but i really don’t know how to navigate this all.

its making me realize i dont think my avoidant personality disorder shit ever actually improved for the most part, it was just that my two best friends, shannon and burke, and my girlfriend, jacqueline, have been a constant in my life for so long now that my constant anxieties about my relationships with others and my interactions didn’t feel as prominent because at least logically i knew i could rely on them

and of course i can, i love all three of them so much and they have been for me through so much, but since college i don’t get to see shannon every day and burke multiple times a month, when we catch up its wonderful, and i’m sure its all natural to how long term friendships work, but not having them here physically sometimes makes me feel a bit more lonely, because regardless of how many seemingly positive interactions i have with someone who isn’t them or who i’ve met in the past couple years, based on experience i can never have the reassurance that i have with them that they have explicitly given me throughout the years for ages after where i currently stand in all my irl friendships, and who knows how much of that all is mutual even now we’re those newer friendships are at. and even jacqueline, who i try to talk to as much as possible, this past year has been so emotionally draining that i’ve slipped into not talking at least once a day like we used to and i feel like i dont have nearly as much time as i want to be spending with her having fun. and for all three of them i worry i just am not there for them like i want to be.

and just specifically with romantic stuff it makes me so upset i’ve only ever got to visit jacqueline irl once, which was almost a year ago now, and that most of that memory even though i loved the short time we had i also associate with my dads health turning even worse because his legs becoming paralyzed while me and my mom were in oklahoma of course meant that we cut the trip short because of course we wanted to make sure my dad was safe and okay.

and yeah just after crying again today, my new friends hugging me was really nice, but when i went into my room right afterward i burst out sobbing, and i have no idea how to recover from this or comfort myself effectively, i only know how to sleep it off and feel like shit when i wake up halfway through the next day. so now thats why i’m writing this to vent and have been for like the past 45 minutes and still havent really gotten to all of it. i don’t know how to comfort myself but i know right now i just really wish i had someone that could just lie down with me and comfort me, maybe even a bit romantically.

and i feel really goofy for saying that, i get really self conscious about how immature i feel compared to so many people my age, sometimes i think its in part an autism thing but also i know other autistics at my university who aren’t like this so i really don’t have a decent excuse but like . i’ve never even done that with someone.

me and jacqueline only got to see each other essentially a day before i suddenly needed to go back to ohio, we were both so nervous, we took a while to even hold hands, and that day and a half we saw each other i had my first kiss, and later my last kiss i’ve had since. both of those and the ones in between being just a peck on the lips. i’m not complaining about that, i don’t think we should’ve rushed our pace, but i think it goes to show how lost i feel in navigating this all if even after knowing her so well and dating her for over 2 years at that point, i froze so much.

i’m comfortable with jacqueline with stuff like that because she’s expressed shes in a similar boat, and i really appreciate that understanding. i think its wonderful how we’ve been together for almost 3 years now, but also thinking about that is wild. i was in such a different place back then, i don’t think i really knew what dating someone or being in a relationship entailed. i’m happy with how we go about our relationship, but also i get really lost when comparing how i define and go about romantic things versus most people i’ve met in college. i’ve never been in a relationship with anyone but her, and i’ve never been in a relationship that wasn’t long distance. i love her and i wish she were closer so maybe we could begin to figure that out together. also ive had a lot of casual crushes on girls at college in the past couple years and i think it would be really nice to explore that too, but honestly i have no idea how to go about that and its so daunting to try to think about so i just resign it as unrealistic unless something extremely significant changes within the next few years, and then i’ll be really pathetic for not knowing anything as a fucking 23 year old maybe in grad school or something. and so i just get to feeling more lonely and having more anxiety about my interactions and relationships with others.

i know its a common thing apparently for lgbt people to be “late bloomers” but im surrounded by so many lgbt people who are so far ahead of me with relationship stuff, and i don’t think i’ve met a single lgbt person in college besides myself who is quite this inexperienced/naive/etc.

i dont know how i’m ever supposed to learn this stuff at this rate, even if i feel slightly less bad about stuff like my appearance and personality nowadays (or more like, i know i look weird but i care less now because i dont care enough any more to try changing my appearance over it, and then i’m still terrible with communication and social cues and oversharing and all my weird shit etc etc etc but i guess at least i try to be compassionate and that must at least be somewhat noticeable if other people sometimes remark on it), even if people are fine with that and find me interesting enough, i really don’t see how almost any girl who got that far would then find it worth it to deal with how fucking stunted i am in that regard. like thats just not fair to have to have someone guide me around so much because i just have no idea what to do and no idea How to figure that out.

so yeah im just . having a rough time im very emotional and expressing it physically (which while somewhat cathartic after feeling so empty, also makes me feel worse because the context in which i last was like this is not one i want to dwell on now that my dad has passed and ive been in the process of forgiveness) and i have so much love for so many people but also i feel so so so so so lost and alone and stunted and i really just don’t know how to begin working on that and its really embarrassing to admit.