#im gonna be in my room for a while
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You ever read smut so good you have to go do the dishes or something because you're like.....
Yeah. Yeah that's me right now.....
#holy jesus running off a cliff and turning into a pancake christ#im a full fledged broken fire hydrant right now#always room for good soap smut#im gonna be in my room for a while
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I imagine barnaby trying to be all cool and flirting with howyd subtly but his smoke gives him away fjsns
he thinks he's smooth smh...
#cracking up thinking about this ngl#like howdy continues on with work#and whoever's at the table with barn - lets say uhhhh idk julie#is like 'awww your smoke turns pink when you talk to him'#and barn just freezes a la 'excusemeitfuckingWHAT'#aaaand Slam that panic button#bbg didnt know....#rambles from the bog#wh fantasy au#anyway i think ill never draw a better howdy#i squandered my Him points on an au scribble- AN AU SCRIBBLE#ive peaked ill never get any better!#< lie. there's always room for improvement and reaching new heights#on the flip side i had such a rough time with barn#its always an exchange - i can either draw a good howdy or a good barn Never both smh#still though idk How this came out as good as it has i have not drawn in days#nary a line nor doodle to be found...#but covid is wearing off and babey i am BACK!#slowly. it beat me up pretty good ngl#it took me tf out im gonna be extra tired for a while...#but since my congestion has cleared up and im not Hacking and Sniffling anymore#stream soon probably! Normal Stream To Get Back In The Swing Of Things#it feels like ive been sick for a thousand years but i think its been like#three days??? i really dont know...#i hope everyone is doing well and Not getting covid. wear your mask#i wore mine but my stepdad didnt and Look What Fuckin Happened
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some silly guys!! the silliest guys around!!!!!! :)
#obey me#obey me nightbringer#belphegor#omswd#beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me beelzebub#belphie#beel#obey me art#my art#omg so a story related to this drawing#my 7 year old little sister loves walking into my room while im drawing to ask questions#belphie is kinda iconic to my sisters in that they dont know who he is necessarily but they both know of him as 'emo cow'#he has no name he is just emo cow#so she sees me drawing belphie and shes like omggg is that emo cow?? whos that next to him?#“oh thats his brother” “HE HAS A BROTHER????” “yeah he has 6 of them” “WHAT?????????”#cue like 50 questions about who his brothers are “are his brothers also emo?” “are his brothers also cows?” “are his brothers also animals?#then she gets to “so what animal is this guy next to him?” “a fly” “PFFFFFT HAHAHAHAHA EWWWWWWW WHY IS HE A FLY HAHAHAHAHA”#“next youre gonna say he has little wings that go bzzzzt” “....yeah he does” “PFFFFFT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHATTTTT”#she saw me drawing asmo yesterday so i pulled him up and i said hes a scorpion and she thought he was the coolest >:DDD#unrelated but mourning the fact that i accidentally covered beel up so much that i couldnt draw his muscles :( someday someday
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The original in the bottom
Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES”#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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a post about fic updates! so the fics im currently juggling are dog teeth, tams, and of course, taob. my original plan was to start posting the second installment of the dog teeth series by sometime in april, bc it's the fic im most into atm and i already have the first chapter done, i just want to bank another one or two because once i start posting it i want to KEEP posting it with regular updates, hopefully every 2 weeks like with kaiein. HOWEVER this will put my atla fics on a back burner. april is a good writing time for me (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) bc i have the entire month off from uni to prep for may exam season, and i always want to write when im procrastinating my degree. which is. it's own thing im sure i'll graduate it's fine i'm fine. so if i focus on dog teeth, neither tams nor taob will get focus until like. june. which is par for the course with taob but im NOT happy about doing with tams.
SO my thought process was i can either be normal about this and just accept it's literally my final year at uni and im trying to graduate and it doesn't matter if updates are slow on ANY fics, or i can do my usual and implement an insane deadline that i somehow always make by the skin of my teeth. can you guess what i went with?
and thus i present unto the crowd my tentative plan: have the next taob chapter done by middle of april (im aware this is quite hand-wavey but it gives me a month to work with, so in my head this means anything between april 10th-20th), have the next tams chapter done by the end of april, and dog teeth can follow.
#i know a lot of you are gonna swarm and tell me not to push myself/rush and i love and appreciate the fuck out of you#i PROMISE if it gets too much i will call it quits like im not about to jeopardise my final exam season for this lmao#but ultimately i do work better when i give myself these insane writing challenges and it gives me something fun to do#while im drowning in econ assignments#as for dog teeth being moved to the back burner despite it being my current passion project#im not actually too bothered by this bc i will still be working on it as i work on my atla fics#and it'll be good as a breather when those get up my arse PLUS has the added benefit of the second part of dog teeth#not actually being posted yet so technically no one's 'waiting' for anything. like kaiein exists perfectly fine as a standalone#whereas if i post ch1 of part 2 in april i then have to KEEP POSTING or it'll bug me#and then i'll have THREE updating fics to juggle#does any of this make sense. hello. tapping the security camera in my padded room is anyone there#WHATEVER. I WILL KEEP YOU GUYS POSTED <3#taob updates#tams#dog teeth
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finally got (almost) all my dolls displayed! i found the shelf while cleaning and it isn’t ideal but it will work for now. all of the dolls besides generation 3 are my dolls from childhood
#🦌#hel house#monster high#i don't love that the legs hang over but i literally don't have room for more#and some are too tall#id have more room if i didn't do the creepover display but i think its cute#but i can't put anymore dolls on it unless i do three rows or rearrange#bc my normal gen 3 dolls are still in boxes and i may want to display them too but my two collector dolls WILL stay in the boxes#my mother walked in while i was working on this and she said and i quote 'holy crap thats a lot of dolls'#if i use the shelf in the future im gonna paint it white#if you saw me post this no you didn't tumblr app killed the photo quality
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I don't think I can ever emotionally recover from these
#the inherent romance of monaco parc ferme#seriously these murdered me i really can never recover from them#screaming crying THEM!!!!!!!! THEM!!!! THEMMMMM LOOK AT THEM!!!!!#jense's hand basically covering the breadth of seb's back im normal im normal im normal im normal im normal#the gif version of this you can only see seb's face and hes very fond too sob sob and they keep holding hands while theyre talking sob sob#THE WAY SEB'S CLOSING HIS EYES ANF RESTING HIS CHIN ON JENSE'S SHOULDER AND JENSE'S SMILE ABT IT#JENSE'S FOND EXPRESSION IN THE 2ND PIC LOOK AT THE WAY HES LOOKING AT HIM WITH THOSE FOND EYES IM GONNA CRY#pictures that make me need to get up and run laps around the room bcs im seriously gonna burst into tears#2011 sebson makes me roll around in bed kicking my feet and screaming#WHO IS DOING IT LIKE THEM!!! WHO ELSE WOULD TREAT AND LOOK AT THE GUY WHO JUST BEAT HIM WITH SUCH AFFECTION!?!??!?!??!#i seriously am gonna lose it when i watch the 2011 races i think i willl actually combust i cant handle it#('pictures that automatically make me think of Solar Flare')#(these are from before that fic takes place yet are the most romantic pics ive ever seen in my life)#(solar flare!mark was so right when he told jb that he and seb look in love in literally every pic of them together)#sebson#jenson button#sebastian vettel#sv5#jb22#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula 1#formula one#2011 monaco gp#2011 monaco grand prix
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#star!keri#vent art#💕♬♪ ♡☆ I just want to be your lovin' teddy bear 🌟🧸♬♪☆#im ok i just have a migraine and im overwhelmed and sad and i got triggered and augh#i miss the color pink.#this whole pic was gonna be all different shades of pink but then i couldnt do it#had to change the colors#i tried watching lars and the real girl by myself and yknow theres the whole pink room thing#im trying to associate it with barbie but god it just . feels fresh. had to turn it off#seeing my abuser twice in a short timeframe is kind of fucking me up :) hello. why do u exist and why do i have to see it.#but hey i did use SOME pink in here?? baby steps??? i feel stupid but whatever#you know pink used to be one of my favorite colors#i will get it back even if its gonna be an ugly fight the entire time#cant get into the ring and complain about getting hit. or however ryan phrases it#idk if that applies to reclaiming triggers but rahhhhh#if steven can be fine with papyrus after 15 fuckin years i can be fine with pink someday too#lars wouldnt think im stupid. i mean i'd hope not???? maybe he would. its stupid#its a really stupid trigger lol who gets scared of the color pink. me apparently#i get the fight or flight response when seeing a color or clothing or hearing phrases#i dont feel like i can function like a normal person even after a whole year#i feel like i am barely surviving and my entire life was taken away from me#and i cant do anything about it but just sit here with my heart ripped out of my chest#while my abuser is . fine. and has friends and family and support and alllll of my TF F/Os#and absolutely zero consequences for what she maliciously had done to me. okie dokie!!!!!#i feel like the last 19 months havent passed. i feel like i am not in my body sometimes#like i am a husk and someone else is controlling me but im actually dead or something#i dont feel like time is passing. idk how to explain it. i feel like my life is stolen#i feel like i am losing years of my life to trauma. like the ghost of me is left behind while the world is moving forward#everyone is present and moving but i am like... barely functioning thru flashbacks and nightmares and panic attacks#and i dont know when im ever going to fully escape the person who did this to me
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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Gratitude time
#today im doing it because it's easy and im overflowing with thankful things#very often i do it because it's hard#probably good to remember it CAN be easy#anyway#thankful for my team im gonna be travelling with and the enciuragement they are#its good to remember i am not on this ceazy ride alone#thankful for a genuinely good rich fulfilling day of class/prep#and the stories of God’s amazing provision from an incredible middle eastern guy who shared with us#and for the moroccan lady i met who now somehow is cooking us lunch tomorrow so now i get to try moroccan food#and her hospitality#and for a good comfy bed and the gift of a private room this qeek#and wifi cuz hey that's a bonus (not to be taken for granted this next month)#and a remarkable number of solutions for dumb lil problems#and for the fact that my goodby with The Boy tonight (the big goodbye. for 8 months)#which both of us were dreading because yknow the Big Sad#didnt actually hit either of us emotionally while we were together#which was such a gift. we got to spend 3 hours together just being peaceful and present and having good conversations#and thinking about how to do dating well this year#and praying together#and it was just. so good#and i am so so glad i get to date him this year and share this crazy thing with him even though itvis gonna be really really hard sometimes#and he made me a bracelet to take with me 🥺
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Yknow what. Rank all the main themes from the Professor Layton series, I'll go first
#professor layton#im bored and i think thisll be fun to do with everybody :] (my thoughts while putting together my tierlist in next tags)#lost future and spectre's call themes sound like theyre having SO much fun with the instruments it just simply fills me with so much joy#and theres so much emotion too in there... crying sobbing... theyre ALMOST tied in my heart#similarly with Miracle Mask and I... have a slight bias for songs with drums lol (I say as I put Azran Legacy pretty low)#the accordion in most of these make me SOB inconsolably#I was originally gonna put ED's theme lower but... the lyrics... hey where did that pond of tears come from#THE OFFICIAL ANTHEM FOR LESBIANS (ed theme)#katrielle's theme is better than I remember it being... when the violin kicked in harder my jaw was ajar as i immediately moved it up#I like all of these songs btw none of them are in a neutral or dislike#Mystery Room might be last but honestly I'd like listening to it as idle music
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" sigh ... "
#oh gosh darn . i had to write something to distract me from my current fixation . since i am going crazyyy#if i had a nickel for every ship between an old . silly . british dude and a computer character then id have two nickels#one was already enough . two is waaayyy too much#anywhosies . ignoring my digitaltime and stannarrator brain idiocracies#i wrote more boy lore !!! get it while it's hot !!! hahaha !!!#i thought it would be nice to actually write some more context on [mysterious red mist swirling around me . muffling my speech]#so yeah !!! here you gooo !!!#i can't wait to hear reactions !!! >_<#i know it's shorter than what i wrote previously . but i think i had a tad more fun than last time !!!#okay well uhh im gonna go into my insane man room again and wait for my intense thoughts to calm down to the point where i won't kick and –#– scream in a wild . deranged manner when i see digitaltime and tsp content#drink water#bye-bye#:3#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#high voltage au#dhmis tony#tony the talking clock#dhmis hv tony#dhmis sketchbook#dhmis hv sketchbook#fanfiction#ao3#ao3 fanfic
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You ever think about what's gonna happen when the Welcome Home website updates in December? Hopefully, at least for what I think, we'll get to see the fabled Julierella! Or any visual parts of the show in general. Probably something fit for the holiday spirit.
Maybe wondering about their relatives and loved ones living outside the neighborhood, and the fact that the residents haven't left to see them in some time.
Stuff like that! Maybe even some new recipes!
i try not to think about it or i'll become so nervoucited that i'll get nauseous
#the fact that its a psychological horror brings my excitement#from 'ohhhh i cant wait!!!'#to Im Genuinely Deeply Nervous AND Deeply Excited.#welcome home stresses me the fuck out but... in a good way? somehow???#still i dont wanna think about whats to come or my entire day will be lost to pacing & staring at a wall w/ a racing heart#it probably will be housewarming themed - if thats still the in-universe version of christmas for the neighborhood#but yeah! so stoked im anxious! yeehaw!#whatever happens im going to go absolutely fucking Feral#also theres an element of 'i cant even imagine. anything could happen. things will happen that ive never even considered'#rambles from the bog#yk actually a thought ive had#is if i start streaming. before the update#maybe... i could stream the update.#yk me and any of you who join checking it out for the first time and looking for secrets#could be fun! if! emphasis on if!!#could be nice. cause like... idk about you guys but i dont have irl friends to sit down and check it out with#the updates are fun but a little lonely for me! its just me in my room wishing i could share the First Time Excitement yk yk#just. something for me to consider aiming for!#oh my god i just realized ill probably be working#i swear to god if the update drops while im at work im just gonna quit and walk out the door#ohhhh now im nervous about that happening... heres hoping it wont...#lmao who am i kidding! given my luck's track record that absolutely Will happen
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So I know this isn't anything that like actually needs an apology but it'll make me feel a bit better to say it. Oof whoops this ABoT chapter is super late. Timing kinda sucks since I wanted to have some updates out while s3 was airing but
Been kinda mega busy and stressed since October with the whole condo buying thing which rolled right into immediate day 0 plumbing and boiler issues I had to get fixed and general moving hassle and financial commitment stress and I kinda just fried myself hard. Plus then acclimating to a new place without my familiar street or familiar grocery store or familiar room or any of that. Like there's no "just go home and take your mind off it" to this cuz home is the "it". So I'm just kinda enduring until I can calm the hell down.
And anyway I definitely have progress on ch47, like 7000-ish words of it, but it's the kind of like "there is writing there" and hasn't exactly hit the "there is substance there" that I want ABoT chapters to be. Like this in particular is a chapter I want to be good, not just be done. So it's taking time to get my brain somewhere that can do that.
#anyway#i mean just in case anyone was like wondering if its discontinued to anything#its still going i just can't make it Good quite yet#(plus i need to get furniture cuz as it stands the place is really quite empty and bare except for like my room and the kitchen)#(also the bank had my address wrong so they havent been able to send me any of the mortgage information which was technically due already)#(ive been in contact with them but it's a whole thing)#(plus im still not quite finished with all the utility switching. i still need to get water in my name)#(and the boiler issue fucked up my gas bill so now ive got a crazy high gas bill i just need to... pay)#(i have actually started seeing a therapist but thats a whole other Thing now figuring out insurance and deductables and using my HSA#account and just... it's a lot)#(oh also my homeowner's insurance policy number doesn't actually work for getting me into the online portal. and the geico guy said he was#looking into it but I havent heard anything in a while)#(its a lot im just gonna melt for a while i guess)#(plus all the upfront stress has made it really hard to associate the new place as 'home' instead of 'place of great many plumbing evils')#(i sat on like 4 million couches this week and the only one i really really like probably doesn't quite fit in my living room)#(the downstairs neighbors tv is too loud and i need to talk to her about it in a way which isn't 'hey im holding on by a thread and this#one small inconvenience is the thing which is making me turn into ash')#(oh thats right i have to go pay my january HOA dues...)#(oh also I need to file for the owner-occupied tax exemption thing now that its 2023)#anyway......... ill be normal eventually. im just not normal right now.#chrissy speaks
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i envy people who's parents aren't mentally ill and poor like that is the worst combination to deal with
#my uni friend is staying the night and im literally so ashamed of how the apartment is looking#bc neither of my parents care anymore how it looks and it leaves me to deal with it#but im also a mess and barely van handle my own room so you know#i asked my mom to clean her bathroom shelf. this one thing. i cleaned everything else. she didn't do it#i don't even want my friend to stay anymore bc im afraid she'll think differently of me#also my parents are both just fighting anymore and im afraid theyll do that too while shes here#and ughhh#anyways im gonna go clean some more 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
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man. i wanna get back into multifandom stuff but at the same time i cannot feel anything for things that arent idkhow anymore :,)
#UUUAAAAAGGHHHHH#I HAVENT ABANDONED MY INTERESTS BUT I LIKE I HAVE. I REALLY HAVE#I REALLY REALLY LIKE. UGH I LOVE OBSESSING OVER OTHER THINGS BUT IDKHOW KIND OF JUST LIKE. CONSUMED EVERYTHING ELSE INCLUDING ME IDK#WHY IS LIKING MORE THAN ONE THING JUST IMPOSSIBLE TO ME AAAAAAAAA#I DONT EVEN LISTEN TO DIFFERENT MUSIC ANYMORE BECAUSE I CANNOT MENTALLY HANDLE HEARING ANYTHING NEW#LIKE. I CAN CONSUME OTHER CONTENT AND BE FINE BUT POSTING ABOUT THEM JUST FEELS LIKE WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME IDK#WWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS WHY WHY BRAIN#like. okay. i love other things too but i think for my own comfort and energy im just gonna stay an idkhow blog for the next few months#seriously i was all in on being multifandom and that was like. relatively fine with me (i think i dont remember) and then the CONCERT#JJGJJGMGMGKKHHKHLGJKGMKHMHGGFJJJKGGK#I WAS MOSTLY FINE UP UNTIL THE CONCERT. FUCK#AND NOW IDKHOW IS ALL THAT I CAN EVER THINK ABOUT AND THERE ISNT ROOM FOR ANYTHING ELSE#IDK HOW I MANAGED TO JUST LIKE OTHER THINGS? HOW DID I HAVE THE ENERGY AT ALL#I LIKE. CANNOT FIT ANYTHING ELSE INSIDE MY BRAIN#IDKHOW CONSUMES MY EVERY WAKING THOUGHT THEY SHOW UP IN MY DREAMS THEYRE ALL I DRAW. I USED TO BE A PERSON#idkhow#chase said something alright#yeah. if its okay im gonna stay an idkhow blog for a little while. ill reblog things from other fandoms occasionally but. not often#yeah :) <3 writing this all out calmed me down :)
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