#im just venting and word vomiting

[kakujis]

i did so much thinking yesterday, well more like rambling, when i was w my bf and i straight up told him why i act the way i act and why i bank so hard and deflate in friendships where i feel like theyre just tolerating me.. and it was bc ive always needed someone or something to hold onto and if i wasnt good enough then theyd leave me and that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. so i lied sometimes and tried to make myself as appealing as possible while always tolerating things i disliked.

i dont mind being vulnerable on main. i like having deeper friendships but i also have so much social anxiety and im so scared of saying the wrong thing that i almost always never reach out lol. another point i wanna touch on is interacting on here, im sorry if i dont really interact much on my end its literally just my own fear of rejection(rsd yess) even if we’re established friends. id never want anyone to feel pressured to like or interact/talk w me for this very reason.

i think i’ll always be in this limbo of wanting to be accepted but never wanting to force that on anyone. also does anyone else ever feel like their interacts could make the other feel like its transactional? like okay, we talked, now like all my posts LMFAOOO. i think loads of friendships are (possibly) like this and its always like “what can u get out of it” but i hate hate hate that mentality… i just wanna be friends and laugh about the things we like and maybe we can vent about things and even get into disagreements but still repair at the end of it all.

and maybe thats why i love platonic love so much, even more than romantic love ? maybe thats why i love this idea of yearning and being yearned for?

idk, i’m not a therapist and this is just a writing blog and i am just rambling but yeah.

[gimmeyoursnacks]

people pointing out to teenage me for the first time that my mental illness made me kinda self absorbed was so jarring, like someone dunking me in ice water. Like for a second i was forced to stop ruminating realized for the first time in a while that there was a room outside of me (if that makes sense?).

its not an entirely true statement?? or at least one that's very kind. like everyone with severe mental illnesses know how all consuming it is, how you have to spend 24/7 managing the hell you're living in, how you have zero control over it- how it traps you so much that you don't notice the suffering of the people around you.

having an ocd flare-up so bad that i don't notice the amount of stress my mom is under that i unknowingly add to, or how my inability to keep in touch with my friends hurts them like. its not entirely your fault but you still feel terrible that your brain is not only torturing you but making you seem like an asshole to everyone else around you.

[teamwaffle-o]

being an adult is spending the day cleaning ur house and then in the evening making urself a birthday cake that only u will eat because everyone else is too busy to come over. being an adult sucks

[borom1r]

hm. for all my joking sometimes it really does hit that like yeah autism is in fact a disability affecting my fucking brain. but we stay silly!!!!

[studiousbotanist]

[roses-n-rads]

huhlh

[cloudbrooksblog]

I found a few screenshots from when we had to make a slideshow presentation in order to convince our "mother" to let us be vaccinated for COVID-19. I thought they were funny, especially the later two. You have to put yourself in the mind of a clickbait youtuber in order to keep the attention of conspiracy theorists.

The goal was to convince her the side effects of the vaccine were better than a lonely death by COVID. 2023 and I find myself needing to pull teeth with her in order to get boosters. I can't wait to be 18, even if jobs and taxes are bad or whatever.

[aastraeus]

the only good thing about this summer has been the constant rain - i hope it never ends

[nomairuins]

i am okay tho i just have momeys sometimrs . please do not ever worry abt me guys

[txrtxglix-lvver]

i legit feel so sick thinking of how quickly your opinion on someone can change

[theratshaveinvaded]

Woe is me

[hymnxl]

small little vent:

i feel like everyday is a constant up and down for me. yesterday was good, really good actually. i felt content for the first time in a while. today, i feel like im home but im not home. i went out for a short bit today after having a migraine all day and i got flipped off and honked at by two different people which made me feel even worse. im just feeling really lost recently. i've been unmasking alot recently and trying to navigate my autism after recently learning i am. i try not to beat myself up over it while seeing everyone i know succeed and have families and be happy, but its so lonely and isolating. im trying my best. i try not to take my frustration of myself out on others but it's been so hard recently to regulate my emotions.

idk im just word vomiting here. trying to get my thoughts out of my head so theyre not just marinating in there. maybe someone will relate. idk this is more for myself than anyone else

[wow-an-unfunny-joke]

My parents are fighting and for some reason I’m in trouble???? I’m just sitting here sick and my mom comes in all pissed cause my dad just drove away so now me and my (19 year old) brother are gonna be here alone, so like, that’s a problem I guess? Enough of a problem to get passive aggressive at the kid who’s trying their Danm best to not vomit up the medicine they just took instead of, I don’t know, going to the other adult I’m the house???? The one who isn’t sick??? Why is it always me who gets yelled at!? Why can’t my parents keep it to themselves!? Jesus Christ!

[chiritori]

sometimes i reflect on my absolute cringelord online behavior from 2018-2021 and immediately want to spontaneously combust

[17020]

HI I'M YN AND THIS IS MY LAST DRINK. . .

because my misery is your enjoyment. aka part 2 of this post! warnings for fem/afab reader, unestablished relationships (kaji, hiragi), established relationships (togame, choji, tsubaki), vomiting (choji), smut (?) fingering sorta (tsubaki). mdni!

REN KAJI — BABY, NO.

Ren Kaji had you tired. Tired, drained, and shitting bricks.

You knew situationships could be stressful, but could you even call this a situationship? He was your best friend, and you had your eye on him from the moment you saw him...

But did he even see you in a romantic light? Since when was he so caring?

The more you thought about it, the sicker you became. You were sure it was your best friend making you feel this way, and not the full cups of vodka you drank in an attempt to distract yourself.

And distract yourself you did.

As if things couldn't get any worse, you had to get approached by an old friend, a guy you had no interest in. The scowl on your face was not enough to spook him away, as he ran his hand through his hair and rambled on about how his life had been, with him asking to hang out with you the following week.

It was right then and there where you felt an arm wrap itself around your waist, quick kiss being planted on your cheek.

Speak of the devil. Ren Kaji, with his headphones decorating his neck, and a pink sucker in his hand. Before you could even introduce Kaji to your friend, he grabbed your hand as he swiftly guided you to a more secluded space, asking you if you were okay.

"I'm okay, but Ren—what's going on?"

He tilted his head to the side in confusion.

"Look, you hold my hand, you tell me you love me, and you act like my partner and—and best friends don't do that. Just tell me, Ren, what are we? Because best friends don't do this shit and I'm tired."

Kaji was unable to look you in the eye, his gaze fixated on the ground.

"I'll stop if you want me to, didn't mean to make you feel like that."

And with a quick turn in his heel, Kaji headed towards the door, not daring to say goodbye. Tears welled up in your eyes as you ran towards a ping pong table filled with bottles, drinking cup after cup and getting approached by none other than Hiragi.

Hiragi sure had a way with words. Strangely enough, your encounter with him had you sitting cross-legged on the floor, venting about Kaji and the whole ordeal. He encouraged you to sober up and text him, and was surprised when you pulled out your phone and texted you best friend in that instant, sobbing from desperation as he took too long to reply. Many distractions later, your phone buzzed.

YN 11:01 ren im really drunk right now and hiragis here with me and i wantd to say i regret everythign and i do wanna hug you and kiss you and holdyour hand i dont want you to do it with anyone else ilove you

REN <3 11:45 i love you too yn, and i promise i'll only be like that with you. sorry i couldn't say it in person, but you're too special to me and i don't want to lose you. i talked with hiragi. is it true he had to carry you so you could do some pull ups and heard you sing justin bieber's baby?

"TOMA HIRAGI. YOU ARE A DEAD MAN."

TOMA HIRAGI — IT'S TOO LOUD IN HERE.

Hiragi was unable to wipe the scowl off his face. He knew it was wrong to feel that pit of acid in his stomach as he watched you stumbling and giggling while talking to the white-haired man in front of you, his hand gently holding yours and his nose almost brushing against yours, as 'it was too loud in there, and you looked like you could use some balance.'

He was in disbelief.

Toma Hiragi was jealous of Bofurin's Hajime Umemiya.

He desperately wanted for you to notice him. A part of him was angry with himself, because he was the one who invited Umemiya to that party in the first place. Indirectly, he brought his own competition to some dumb party. He only came in the first place because he knew you would be there.

As a large crowd started to form to play beer pong in pairs, Hiragi was grateful when he saw you approach him, a goofy smile plastered on your face.

"Let's play! I'll take your shots so that you won't drink, 'kay?"

It was thanks to this that Hiragi found out how great you were at beer pong, having the couple in front of you nearly wasted at the end. Unfortunately for you, Hiragi's aim was questionable, leading to you becoming as drunk as your opponents. Not before becoming champion, though.

You looked at Hiragi with half-lidded eyes, your head tilted towards your side as your lips curled into a smile.

You were wasted.

"'s kinda loud in here, let's go somewhere else, 'Ragi."

It was too loud in there, he thought, as he placed his hand on your back and guided you to a nearby bench, making you sit next to him as you placed your head on his shoulder. It was way too damn loud, because he wanted you all to himself, away from Umemiya and away from everyone else.

Hiragi's head rested on top of yours, his hand placed on your knee as you took your phone out from your purse, pressing the camera icon and framing you and Hiragi.

"'m sure I'm gonna wanna remember this" you admitted, thumb pressing the 'shutter' button as you took a picture.

"...send me the picture. I'm sure I'm gonna wanna remember this too."

JO TOGAME — DRESS ME UP, LEMON BOY.

"She's in the kitchen. Hurry, Togame, she can't stand by herself!"

When Jo Togame received a text from your friend saying you had gotten beyond wasted at her birthday party, a part of him wanted to believe she was exaggerating.

Unfortunately, she was not.

"Jooooo baby you're hereeee~"

His eyes widened as you approached him, barely able to stand on your own and falling into his arms at your friend's kitchen. She handed your boyfriend a pair of shorts and a hoodie, which belonged to her, as well as a lime cut in half and a glass filled with water.

Togame's mission was clear: doll you up and make you feel brand new.

He took the shorts and made you sit on the counter, chuckling when you pouted as he tried sliding your legs into the shorts and pulling them up in an attempt to put them on you.

"Jo, the shorts're so unfashionable. 's gonna ruin my look!"

Your boyfriend sighed and shook his head, offering you a small smile. "Your dress is short, princess. One wrong move and people will see somethin' that's mine. Now arms up, baby, let's put on this hoodie so we can go home, okay?"

You nodded disappointedly, raising your arms as Togame dressed you with your friend's hoodie, then cupping your cheek and telling you how beautiful you looked. Handing you the glass of water, he waited until you drank it all, heading towards the sink and quickly rinsing it. He took the lime from the kitchen counter, holding it against your lips.

"Suck on this for me, won't you baby?"

You did as told, your gaze never leaving your boyfriend's. He smiled as your expression changed from the sourness of the lime, pulling away once it had completely shrunken.

"Now that's a good girl. Let's go home, yeah? You need to rest."

CHOJI TOMIYAMA — HOLD MY HAND, HOLD MY HAIR.

You, Choji, and alcohol were never a good mix.

Restraint was a concept unknown to the both of you, always ending up drinking more than what your bodies could handle. Moreover, there were multiple occasions in which you both drank on an empty stomach.

And with alcohol being a diuretic, it was only a matter of time before...

"Chooo, baby, can you come pee with me?"

Eagerly, he nodded as you both had an arm wrapped around the other's shoulder, using one another to walk properly to the nearest bathroom.

He opened the door for you, turning around and shutting it. Once he locked it, he covered his eyes with his hands as he gave you the go-ahead to pee. A few seconds later, he heard giggles coming from behind him.

"You know I love you, right? Soooo much. I love you so much Choji."

Choji smiled as he responded that he loved you too, more than you would ever know or imagine. His eyes widened in surprise when he heard the next thing you said.

"Will you hold my hand while I pee? It helps me pee, Cho."

"It would be my pleasure" he grinned, shutting his eyes close as he removed one hand from his face to hold yours.

As soon as you went to the bathroom, Choji felt...

"Baby? I don't feel so good. Let go of my hand a sec—"

Blaaargh.

You were thankful of your boyfriend's quick reflexes, having the ability to turn his head towards the sink before he threw up. You gasped, worried, asking him if he was okay. After finishing up, you went to the sink to wash your hands, as your boyfriend dried his face off with the towel.

"Baby, we need to leave now, I clogged the sink."

TASUKU TSUBAKINO — THE 'LAST TIME'.

"Remember what happened last time, sweetie?"

Truth be told, you did. You remembered it clear as day.

Cheers and whistles could be heard from outside the bathroom as Tsubaki's lips clashed against yours in a desperate, hungry kiss. The bitter taste of alcohol was long forgotten as Tsubaki placed you on top of the sink, your legs spread as he pressed himself against you. You sighed with pleasure as you bucked your hips forward, parting your lips as your boyfriend slipped his tongue inside.

Your hands were entangled in his hair to pull him closer as he lifted your skirt, fingers tauntingly running up and down your clothed cunt. He pulled away as he moved his body against yours, shuddering when you leaned forward and attached your lips onto his neck, gently sucking as Tsubaki whined.

Pulling away, you stare at the purple mark on your boyfriend's neck with pride, and unbeknownst to you, your boyfriend looked at your lips, which were decorated with smeared lipstick.

"You're soaked, baby."

"I know" you breathed lightly, "you look pretty in purple."

"You look pretty in red" he cooed, his hand hurriedly guiding yours up his skirt. Your hand was now wrapped around his cock, stroking it up and down as your boyfriend sucked in a sharp breath.

"Baby you're—aah—you're gripping it too hard. Let's focus on you for now, okay?"

You muttered an apology as your boyfriend reassured you that it was fine. With one swift movement, Tsubaki moved your soaked panties to the side as he sank his digits into—

"TASUKU. WRONG HOLE."

It was then when you realized that perhaps sex was something you would rather enjoy sober, as you and your boyfriend tidied yourselves up and exited the bathroom, laughing hysterically while enduring the physical pain.

Coming back to your senses, you pouted. "M'not that drunk, I won't grab it too hard this time."

[the-s1lly-corner]

I love your work so much aaaaaAAAAA!!!

Ok so imma be straightforward, this is straight up me coping with irl stuff and reading your work makes me forget the cruel outside world so HERE WE GO!

Caine and Kinger x S/O who hides who they are out of fear of negative responses. Bottles it all up until they can't handle it anymore. Like, the reader is very much used to being the therapist/caretaker and is often very happy and doesn't hesitate to help others but silently they think rudely of others, holding their tounge constantly and even mutter under their breath about others being annoying. Ofc they don't want others to see who they truly are, in fear of rejection or their worst fear, isolation. They hate this part of themselves, like why do they have these horrible thoughts about others? It even borders on abstraction.

They can only feel comfortable around their partner and try their best not to vent too much but Caine/Kinger can sense something is wrong and even see their S/O glitching a bit and ask what's wrong and say its ok (in their own special ways!) and the reader just finally cracks, and in their glitching voice is sobbing on how much of a terrible person they are and how they deserve to be in this digital hell for being so horrible.

Im so normal about this. And just so it's not so hard to think of a title, I recommend "Caine and Kinger x reader who pretends!" you don't have to use it but it's there!

Unsavory thoughts (Caine and kinger x reader)!

UEAAA THIS GOT BURIED IM SO SO SO SORRY ANON!! I truly did not mean to take this long to get to your request :(

That said I'm so happy to hear that my silly writing has a positive impact on people.. please remember to drink water and get plenty of rest, remember that there are people that care about you

Hands you a glass of juice

I got silly with Caines piece

CAINE:

KINGER:

Between the two it takes him a little while longer to realize that something is wrong with you. I mean hes still trying to learn all these emotions that make people.. human

Absolutely panics when he sees you glitch out. I'm talking his eyes fly out of his jaws as they hang open panic. Rushes to you to see if you're okay... god forbid youre abstracting... maybe he can help ground you, or something?

Listens to you talk, for once the ringmaster is quiet. Rubs your back

You... have mean thoughts about people...?

Is it not okay to dislike people? Is it not reasonable to be irritable in a new environment? Is it not normal to have at least a few terrible thoughts about others? Are you any less worthy of support or love because you're not a ray of sunshine?

Is this not what being human is about?

Of course he wouldnt say it exactly like that, but he would carry the same message, I think. Is what you're experiencing not a natural part of the human experience?

Yes, you can argue that caine is an AI and he has no place to speak on matters like these, but as your partner he wont let you go without comfort and reassurance

He let's you talk and let it all out. I think going forward he makes it a point to make sure you get time alone, and time with him... makes IHAs more "non intrusive" so you can opt out if you dont want to interact with the others

Very accommodating, I think

Unlike caine he catches on really fast that theres something wrong, something even larger than you're letting on. But still, he let's you do your small but rare vents... until he returns to you after briefly taking some time away from you for one reason or another to find you having a melt down. He thinks you're abstracting, and you probably are. Honestly I can see kinger doing the grounding technique (the 5 sense thing) and he tries to guide you through it to help calm you down enough to pull yourself together just enough to stabilize. Listens to your word vomit as you spill your guts out to him. While I domt think he would be as.. profound as caine... he carries a comfort only sweet old people can possess. And it calms you down. It's not an immediate solution, but its comforting nonetheless. He let's you sleep in his arms. He goes on to stand between you and others to try to keep you from getting too irritated or overwhelmed by the others; however he will stand to the side if you ask him to

Very protective of you but even more so after this