#and also the era on here a few years ago when a lot of u first started following me! when i was extremely unhinged & obsessed with skc!

[chiritori]

sometimes i reflect on my absolute cringelord online behavior from 2018-2021 and immediately want to spontaneously combust

[prodsh00ky]

from the cradle to the grave

pairing: vampire!seonghwa x reader

warnings: use of words probably, crying, mentions of blood, death, war and violence, seonghwa creeps the reader out by breaking into their house, deja vu era seonghwa look combined with 2023 long haired hwa bc this should be a warning, some angsty stuff, fluff if u squint really really hard, past lives (sort of), reader is referred to using they/them pronouns but i might have left something that suggest they’re female/afab in the way; please let me know if there’s more

wc: ~4.6k words

notes: i tried to finish this in time for halloween (it was sitting in my drafts since 2021...) so this was supposed to be a spooky season fic. it didn’t work but here it is anyways! hope you guys like it. im a big vampire enthusiast and a bIG seonghwa enthusiast which makes me the biggest vamp!hwa agenda supporter so lets gooo

well, at least your gut feeling was probably right.

these last days have been… weird, to say the least. every time you’d go back to your apartment after college you felt like you were being observed, maybe even followed. it was like there was someone always behind you or around the place you were in a way that made you feel like you were never alone indeed, and you didn't like the shivers you got from it. to top it off, the whole thing was giving you even more bad nightmares than the usual; the most recent ones involved big mansions from the eighteenth century or something, a lot of fighting, blood and a pair of piercing eyes staring into your soul. the worst part was that you always forgot in the course of your day that you were having them, only remembering when waking up in a cold sweat from a new one. your friends told you it probably was due to the time of the year since spooky season just began, and you thought it might be it; a scary vibe was nothing less than expected from fall.

but the tall figure standing behind your favorite armchair that welcomed you home seconds ago after you locked your apartment’s door told you otherwise. you automatically move to grab your floor lamp to defend yourself.

“who are you and what are you doing here?” 

“so you’re feisty. i should keep track of that.”

his voice is deep but also smooth. he’s probably a head and a half taller than you and wears a white shirt with a v cut, black trousers paired with a black blazer and his neck is adorned with a sole silk ribbon. when he turns to you, you get to see that his long black hair would probably reach his silver pendant earrings if it wasn't tucked into a fancy hairstyle with a silver pin holding the front and that his eyes are sharp and piercing (and strangely similar with the ones in your recent nightmares, but this time they feel familiar and not frightening as usual), just as the rest of his facial features. he is probably the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. but you still have no idea of who he is or how he got inside your house, so you quietly get your phone and dial 911.

“i'm going to repeat it just once more. who are you, what are you and how the fuck have you gotten inside?” he seems too entertained eyeing you from head to toe for some seconds, but he quickly wakes from his apparent trance and answers you.

“right. i'm sorry for the rudeness... and for the invasion, for that matter, although this apartment was virtually 100% accessible for me. oh, and for the last few days too, but i'm afraid the observing was necessary. i’m park seonghwa, one of the royal eight, and deeply pleasured to know you.” he bows lightly and opens his mouth to continue and it shows you a glimpse of long sharp canine teeth. it makes you interrupt him.

“so you’re the one who’s following me? know what, it doesn’t matter actually, i’m calling the cops.” you turn to open the door and get outside, however the keys aren't in the door handle anymore. with the lamp still in your hold you try to open the knob forcefully, adrenaline beginning to fill you due to despair, but the jittery sound of the keys dangling makes you turn to the stranger once more. he holds the keys with his left hand, the right one leaning in the armchair.

“forgive me for my ways, but calling the police won’t be needed and after you listen to me you’ll see why. i’m not here to hurt you in any way, it’s actually… quite the opposite. i was following you because me and my brothers needed to reach you, and after i finally found you i wanted to know who we were looking for. if you’re willing to give me some of your time, i’ll be happy to explain everything i can for now. please?”

considering your options, either you jump out of the window into a 65 feet fall or listen to him. but you still want to be sure someone is keeping track of you, so you move to open the window hoping today the old couple and the friendly lady who lives in the building next to yours and are always inviting you to spend the holidays and have dinner with them are gaping inside your place as usual and turn on the localization device in your phone.

“you have ten minutes.”

“thank you for considering my offer.” he answers, seemingly more relieved, and starts talking. “i’m not sure how to address it correctly… there probably isn't a correct way to do it, so i’ll be plainspoken. i’m a vampire, such as my brothers, and we need your help because you hold powers that can save our empire from the mass attack it is suffering right now.”

you huff, because it’s the only thing you feel like doing.

“you really invaded my house to fool me into a halloween prank? who made you do it? oh, it must have been yeonjun and kai, right? i'm calling the bastards right now, this is way off limits.” you manage to grab your phone in your pocket again but, just like your keys, you see it appearing in the guy’s hands.

“it’s not a prank and your human friends have nothing to deal with it, swear with my long gone soul. i am indeed a vampire, as you can verify by my teeth. vampires exist, such as some other ‘magical creatures’, as your people like to call us. i’m park seonghwa, the second vampire emperor, or prince, whatever you’d prefer, and am here to plead for your help because my empire is perishing and the eight of us can’t do much without you.”

the serious way he’s speaking almost convinces you, but it still sounds so crazy and nonsensical you keep yourself skeptical. you can't avoid some classical questions, though.

“why aren’t you burning or shining in the sun, then? and i don't see you sweating due to the giant amount of garlic in my kitchen. there’s no proof to your allegations, fang boy.”

seonghwa finds it really hard to suppress a smile. you were much more fun (and cute) than he thought, and seeing you being so doubtful only added to the feeling he had.

“because not all the tales you humans like to tell about us are true. garlic does not affect vampires at all, i have no idea where this... thing came from. we only get paler in the sunlight, as you may perceive.” he moves closer to your window, and you can see his slightly tanned skin turning paler and paler until his veins start to become proeminent and dark blue in his skin. it’s almost as if he's like a living canvas full of paint.

“i don’t believe you.”

“do you expect me to prove my identity then? because the only way to do it is by feeding, and im afraid you’re the only human in the nearer 260 feet at least.'' he steps closer and while he’s talking you see his fangs getting longer. and sharper. he touches his pointer finger with his teeth and his skin rips easily as if a needle had been dragged along it. when you look into his eyes they’re rouge as… blood. fear creeps into you and you step back, moving your head no.

“y-you can go on! i will hear you, i p-promise. i'm not exactly doubting it anymore.” you say, voice weak with fear. you move to your couch slowly, eyes still fixated in his every move. “i-im going to sit because this doesn’t sound like a conversation i’ll be able to take in while standing. feel free to sit too.” he moves to sit in the same armchair he’s leaning, but you start to talk again before you forget and his eyes move up to you again. “oh, but i want my keys and phone. you’ll not be getting my help making it look like you want to keep me in captivity.”

he nods, putting your phone and keys in your center table. you grab them almost immediately murmuring “thanks” because well, look where you are. he nods again and waits until you stop moving to talk.

“i’m shall start from the beginning since you have no familiarity with the vampires situation, right?” you nod, asking yourself what a vampire situation would mean. “the… ‘magic’ realm, i’ll call it this way for now because it’s easier, is hidden from human eyes. we have our own rules that exist to ensure mainly two things: that we won’t reveal ourselves to you with ease and that we will have peace, or anything closest to it, within us. some centuries ago people lived in balance and each kind had their own inside rules and organization besides these two major ones, but a riot some of the folks started created chaos and eventually a war. it was a slaughter; many villages were destroyed and many creatures, killed. it’s one of the darkest chapters of our story.

“wait, what do you mean by ‘creatures’ and ‘folks’? you’re not saying…”

“witches, elves, mermaids and sirens, gnomes, fairies, fauns, they’re all real. at some level, at least. i say this due to the fact you humans love to fantasize about their characteristics way too much, as you could testify with me and the sun belief you had. the majority of things you assume you know about them or about ur are probably inaccurate.”

your frown, “and what is the truth about all of you, then? what is wrong in the things i’ve been taught?”

there’s hints of a smirk in his lips, but he tries his best to keep neutral. “curious, aren't’ we? i’d love to share it with you, but it’s best that you learn it by yourself.” your eyebrows raise and he gets the sign to keep talking. “we’ll get there, do not worry.”

he takes a deep breath, a shadow of something gray crossing his sharp features. “after the war finished, pretty much all that was left was chaos. in an effort to save the survivors, an assembly was arranged so we could fix new rules and try to establish things. it happens that the vampires were the race that had the fewest deaths and casualties during the war and managed to better organize ourselves for that to happen, so it was decided by majority that we would rule all races from then on.”

“holy crap-” you tap your mouth, using the best of your self control skills to not laugh in his face, “this sounds like a bad fantasy book or a fanfic i’d have read when i was twelve. how did you guys manage all the power? and you said majority, not unanimity. there was someone against it, i suppose.”

seonghwa allows himself to smile, happy to observe you notice things rather quickly. you try to suppress your own reaction; if he was already handsome poker faced, it felt like his smile alone could convince you about anything he was saying and more. “we accepted it, since it was what most wanted. some begged, even, at some point of the discussion. it was never easy, though. we have faults and committed many mistakes, some worse than others and some… unforgivable, if i’m being honest. but i assure we hardly did then out of personal selfishness, the weight of keeping things in place is always something that humbles us down. and yes, you assumed correctly, there were people against it.”

he pauses abruptly, looks at you and laughs quietly, which confuses you. the fact that his laughing warms you inside has nothing to do with it, you reassure yourself.

“what?”

“if you thought the previous facts i’ve told you sounded like a… fantasy book or so, you can’t wait for the next bit.” he tries to dwell his laughter down to answer you, but you can see he’s struggling. “guess who disagreed with us being in power?”

it takes you less than a millisecond to reply. “no shit it were the werewolves.”

he starts laughing again but freely, not trying to refrain himself, and this time you can’t control the shocked smile that creeps onto your face along with your eyes widening.

“jesus fuck, seonghwa-” you have to pause for a second to recompose yourself, because you started laughing too hard along with him without even realizing, “it was already hard to believe the whole vampire convo and all, now you’re saying that not only other species of magical creatures do exist but the rivalry between vampires and werewolves is real? how do you expect me not to think this is some sort of twilight remake?"

“oh, no, not that movie,” he says while trying to stop laughing, “i’ve never watched it but it has caused enough misunderstandings already about us.”

you eye him up and down, “have some respect, it’s a masterpiece! i’m sure you just have never watched it because you know you’ll get inferiority complex since you’ll never be edward cullen.”

“i’ll pretend i know what you’re talking about and agree.” you laugh but on your own this time, and he can’t avoid admiring the wrinkles in your face when you do it. “resuming, the werewolves were never exactly comfortable with the idea of us in power in the first place, but as i said it was what the majority wanted. it has been like this for over eight centuries, and everything was going peacefully until around the nineteenth century. the werewolves started a rebellion against our empire, and to do it joined forces with each and every wrongdoer in our realm. they managed to have each and every single creature that had committed horrendous crimes as their allies, which caught us by surprise. we’ve tried to talk to them in the beginning, but it didn't work; they started to kill vampires and pretty much everyone that agreed with our power. it has been like this since then, and we were succeeding in controlling the war until one century ago.”

“oh.” nice way to react, you think. but what would be a great reaction for a narnia x game of thrones crossover of sorts? “i’m… i’m sorry, i guess. i’m not sure how to properly react to all of this, and it’s harder to conceive it as true. and what does it all have to do with me? swear i’m trying not to be a jerk or so, but why are you telling me all of this? why did you come after me?”

seonghwa, once again, has to control a smile creeping in. “because you, y/n, might be the key to saving everything.”

your brain short circuits. “what?” you freeze, wanting to laugh in his face, but the serious and hopeful look he gives you indicates he’s telling the truth. then a detail, a tiny but important detail comes to your mind. “wait- how the fuck do you even know know my name? i haven’t said it to you until now, there’s pretty much no mail you could get that from and most of my friends call me by nicknames, how do you know it?”

despair flashes through his eyes, but it’s only for a second. “well, here's where things start getting… interesting. or complex. i know it might sound crazy but… there’s… you… you’re…”

its the first time he seems uncertain or insecure and maybe even afraid in his speech if you squint, but the next bit that comes out of his mouth makes everything really sound like a big joke.

“i’m afraid there’s no easy way to let you know this, so i’ll have to be straightforward. you’re a living amplifier to any type of supernatural being. this amplifying power is given to a human in earth as a blessing from whatever force that keeps the universe balanced from time to time, but there are always at least a few centuries that part the amplifiers’ births. the last amplifier was a friend, an ally of ours that helped - or rather lead us vampires to our victory and was the sole reason why i and pretty much all of the survivors are still alive. i know your name because it was one of the last words he said before passing after sacrificing so much to guarantee peace amongst supernatural folks. i’m here to ask or rather plead for your help, because although we have more resources and ways of fighting now we’re afraid that it might not be enough for the challenges we might face.”

you blink once. twice. then you sneer.

“you know, i was almost believing you. i’m ashamed to admit it, but it was almost getting to me. but after this i'm afraid i’ll have to call kai and yeonjun and tell them to stop fucking with me every halloween season because this is way off limits. you’re a great actor, though,”, you say, reaching for you phone, “i’m sure you’ll go the distance or so. your costume is very well made too, i have no idea who thought about the eye mechanism but is sure surpr-

he takes your hand with his extremely cold one before you reach your phone.

“please. me and my brothers don’t have much time to deal with your doubts properly, and i’m sorry about that, so i beg of you. it probably sounds way far from your human rationality, but have you never felt anything different? any other type or force or liveliness different from what others feel? have you never seen the way some people thrive when they’re by your side? how they go higher than they probably would if they weren’t close to you? how it’s so easy for your to really connect to the people you love and how pleased they seem to be to love you back? have you ever felt observed? have you never seen that there are beings trying to put their eyes on you all the time, specially in nightmares?”

you head starts to spin. yes. he actually had a point. your presence around people you liked seemed to bring them more joy and great opportunities for some unknown reason, and it has been this way since ever. your childhood nickname was “lucky” due to this; the games and toys were funnier and happier when you were around, even if one of your friends got hurt - it would be fine, after all, right? the foster home you grew up in started to receive more donations after you arrived, and your foster dads were able to house even more children. your presence became a must in problem solvings while you grew up, because, for some reason, the fact that you were there made it all calmer and somehow easier. your friends would get higher grades, nicer positions in the school teams, greater opportunities and happier memories if you were involved or cheering for them; you were a walking lucky charm all over your life. your parents, your foster siblings and the few real friends you have always said the love they feel towards you is different than any type of love they’ve ever experienced. kai and yeonjun even like to joke that you have some type of magic on your blood or something, because they feel that your friendship will undoubtedly last for the rest of your life, no room for doubt.

and the nightmares. they were way more intense and frequent when you were a child. creepy and lone places, destroyed cities, dark alleyways stained with blood, desolated ghost-like faces, cries of help you never knew whom they belonged to. but the worse ones were the ones that had eyes around aware of your every move no matter what you did. they were the ones that offered your nights of sleep no mercy and made you wake up crying hard and shaking up from despair for years. funnily enough, they always seem to happen again frequently each spooky season. 

“i-i suppose you’re right in some way, b-but-”

“have you had a time where you painted a lot? maybe when you were a kid?”

that’s what breaks you.

“h-how the fuck do you know this?”

his lips curve up, a sad smile reaching his eyes. “eden, the last amplifier, was a painter. probably one of the best ever seen in the whole world, if i have a say on that. an amplifier born will always have and nurture the last amplifier’s talents for at least some time, specially during their childhood. if you took on his talent, i bet your paintings were astonishing, even more for a child.”

your memories flash in front of your eyes: how many paintings have you made for your parents’ office? how many times did you spend your early sunday mornings painting in order to gift your siblings? how many of these were still with them, in their houses, becoming part of the scenery of their lives until nowadays? and why the fact you abruptly stopped doing them when you were nine or ten had never made sense until now?

“i’m- i’m sorry, but- this must be some type of misunderstanding or bad taste joke, that’s ithe only explanation, that's it-”

“as said before im deeply sorry that we don’t have more time to do this with ease but…”, he huffs, looking down and then to you again, “this is what will have you believing me. i’m really sorry.”

he stares into your eyes for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight seconds straight.

and then it all hits you.

flashes of some of the places you saw in your nightmares, but this time live, in person, because you were there; a giant castle with an art studio, your beloved art studio, where all your creativity flew through the canvases, where life seemed to make more sense. flashes of people you never met; unfamiliar smiles in their faces, but the lingering feeling there’s no physical building that could carry your conception of home more than they could; nights together singing by the moonlight, but also serious conversations and arguing and fighting but always making up because, in the end, they’re your family; war and horrible battles and you standing in all of them offering everything this force inside of you could because things had to end in peace; crying, seeing red and hearing their last words for you. darkness, solitude, happiness, yearning, melancholy, bliss, doubt, joy, frustration, hope, all types of feelings that weren’t and were yours at the same time.

you snap out of it with the feeling of seonghwa’s cold thumbs drying the tears you didn’t realize were streaming down your cheeks.

“i’m sorry this is so unfair to you,” he whispers, “i really wish this could happen naturally, without demanding so much of you and shattering the world you know with such violence, as it has always been with the others who got to know. im really sorry...”

for a while, you just allow him to hold your face and caress it, too overwhelmed by everything that’s flooding your brain. after what could be some seconds, minutes or even hours, you’re not sure at this point, you move away from his touch and he lets you go, something heavy in his eyes you are not able to decipher due to your state.

“you need time to digest it all, and you’ll have it. i’ll make sure that no nightmares or even visions plague your mind in the next days so you can rest. but i’ll have to come back in a week or two to ask you to come with me and help us if you’re willing to do it. i promise that i’ll answer any of your questions then and that more understanding of what you’re capable of will make it a bit easier. you can share all of this, but be sure to do it only with trusted ones and with as fewer people as possible.”

he gets up and turns to the door, but before heading in that direction seonghwa leaves a black business card in the table in front of you, just a single phone number written in red ink in it.

“if you need anything, do not hesitate to call this number and talk to me. i’ll do anything in my power to help you.”

he opens the door, turning to look at you for one last time. ”we’ll see each other again, y/n.”

seonghwa closes your apartment’s door and in a couple of minutes he’s walking in the street again. he takes his phone, dials a number he knows by heart and waits. the voice that answers him is curious, yet patient.

he huffs before replying, “as well as you would expect, hongjoong. they didn’t hit me with a broom or tried to shoo away with garlic, but also didn’t believe me until i forced them to see.”

“hey, are you fine? how did it go?”

“unfortunately. humans got way too used to believe we’re bedtime stories, specially in this century, so it wasn't something i didn't expect, but i-”

“so you did have to hypnotize them?”

“you’re not entirely comfortable with doing it too, i know. by the way, how did you feel? since it all probably got stronger, was it okay for you?”

seonghwa hesitates for a few seconds. “it was ecstatic, joong. i’m not sure i’m able to fully translate it into words. the more time I spent there and the more I understood about who they are now the more it became hard to let go. this is nothing like anything else that i ever felt, and it’s only the first time i saw them. i feel so goddamn lost but also as if i had finally found something very important inside me at the same time. i… have no idea of what to do.”

“no way. it was hard enough for them to believe the whole thing, it would be twice as hard if they knew- if i told them things probably would have been even harder. they’ll know when the right time comes.”

“maybe telling them, if you already didn’t?”

“sure, then. it’s your choice. are you already coming back?”

“yeah, i’ll call for the car in some minutes.”

“great. thanks, hwa. i know this was probably tough on you. come home safely.”

seonghwa replies with a hushed see you soon and hangs up. he knows his friend just wanted to be sure, but they knew each other well enough for hongjoong to presume nothing of the matter would have been said to you by seonghwa.

because how could he? right after stealing the truth you had been living until and shattering it into pieces? it sounded too cruel for him, he felt it in the moment he laid eyes on you today.

time would say when he’d tell you that besides your name, eden also said that the next amplifier would be his soulmate, and that this would allow to change things forever.

©prodsh00ky 2023. no crossposting or translations allowed.

[a-spes]

hello! i noticed ur taking requests! this is hella detailed so no worries if u dont wanna write! one with female reader x nat (preferably platonic but either works). the averages break up. they are done. Officially. nat and r were friends on the avengers and worked together a lot. when the avengers broke up, everyone tried to move on or settle down. nat doesn't. nat, missing the action, reverts back to her time as a for-hire assassin. With the connections from her time as an assassin pre-SHIELD she builds a name for herself. She becomes the most feared assassin yet again and a ruthless criminal. no one can stop her and she’s very dangerous. Finally, reader, working for the government now, and faces Nat for the first time in years… as enemies with r trying to take Nat down. Nat has the upper hand with her network of spies and criminals. But does Nat really hurt her? She has the ability to with her skill and network of assassins. Does r get what they want and take Nat down? ANYWAYS this is long and kinda specific; but thank you so much! Love all your writing!

S T O L E N F R E E D O M - One shot.

Words count - 5,1k.

Tags & Warnings - villain!Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader (platonic, enemies), mentions of death/violence/blood, angst.

Moodboard here.

N/A - Hope you'll enjoy it and it's not too far from what you were expecting! It's the first time I am writing for a request and I really enjoyed it, so thanks for dropping it <3

It’s past two in the morning and you are alone in the office. Only the night guards are here but they don't dare to ask you if everything is fine. The past months, they've got used to you staying that late and learned to not ask too many questions. From time to time, you could hear their muffled voices and steps breaking the thick silence. 

But it’s not their presence that is slowly driving you crazy: it is the regular ticking of the wall clock. It seems to be the only thing you can hear, it’s even louder than your thoughts, and being unable to concentrate is only adding to your frustration. You are not far from crying because of how hopeless you are feeling.

If you've got into the habit of spending most of your nights at work, it’s only because of how incompetent you are, unable to complete the task assigned to you. A few months ago, you found a file on your desk and, if at first you thought it would be as easy as the previous ones, you were wrong. You quickly changed your mind when you only saw a long list of deaths but nothing else. For the first time, you've found yourself struggling to complete a mission.

You were looking for a ghost.

The only proof you have of their existence are the crimes they commited, the cold bodies they’re leaving behind them. Even the autopsy didn't give any information about how it happened, it’s almost like the victims just died on their own. This mission makes you regret how cocky you acted in the past. You used to think that you could complete every mission, even the most difficult ones, but eventually realized that it doesn't matter if you are among the most skilled S.H.I.E.L.D agents because there is always someone better than you are. 

This time, you were as lost as your colleagues, understanding what they're usually going through. Slowly, you've become so obsessed with this mission that you couldn't think about anything else. You are trapped in a toxic loop with your work and, if you thought the time you would act like that was long gone, you were wrong: this mission is taking you back to your worst era again.

In the morning, you are the first one to be here, but you are also the last one to leave the place - when you do, sometimes spending the whole night here just so you don’t lose time going home and coming back. It is rare that you think about eating, your mind being completely absorbed by the task. Again, you were that young adult that wanted to prove their worth to everyone, seeking validation.

Despite everything, you keep telling Fury that everything is fine. You know that he doesn't believe you, but he knows better than pushing, trusting his agent to ask for help when it's needed, but he forgot how stubborn you can be. He is divided between worries to see you so exhausted and the urge for the mission to be completed as quickly as possible.

Even if he is trying to keep those deaths a secret for as long as possible, pretending on the news that they aren't related, just misfortune, he knows he won't be able to lie indefinitely. People are going to question what's happening and it's obvious that he can’t admit that there is a crazy assassin roaming freely around the country. 

For the moment, only a few agents are aware about the file, only the best ones. If anyone can do it, it's you, that's what he keeps telling himself to ease the guilt he is feeling whenever he sees you so exhausted. 

And, even if he is not saying anything, telling you to take your time, you can read in his eyes the fears and worries, you can feel the pressure and the lack of time: this mission had to be a priority. It comes before your basic needs, eating and sleeping becoming optional. You hadn't seen anyone else other than the pictures of the victims' bodies for the last weeks, talked so little that you are almost sure you lost your voice.

You were in distress and it's obvious that your state of mind has led to mistakes you could've easily avoided, even a rookie wouldn't have made them. 

Before you could realize, it was the morning, and the sun didn't come alone: it left a surprise on your desk, an umpteenth death. You didn't wait long, immediately going to the place where it happened, in hope you would find something if you are the first one here. But, as always, everything is clean, the appartment being perfectly tidy, except for the cold body in the middle of the living-room.

They are playing with your mind, probably amused to see you trying to stop them, knowing that you can't because it's impossible to catch a shadow. People are dying and there is nothing you can do about it.

Those thoughts are unbearable, and you are fighting the urge to break an object when you notice something. It is almost invisible, so small that you almost missed it. It is just a piece of paper, stucked between two tiles on the balcony. 

Here it is, your hint, the first one since you started. If you are exhausted, it seems that the person you are chasing starts to feel confident enough to let their guard down and make mistakes. There is not much in the paper, just bits of words but it is enough for you to guess everything you need: their next victim.

You know that there is only a small chance that you could actually stop them tonight, but you can't help the feeling of hope that is growing inside of you because, for the first time, you've the feeling that you are getting somewhere.

You should've told Fury. You should've let him know what you found, your leads, where you are going tonight, but you didn't. Even if you know how dangerous going in there alone and unprepared, you did it, the feeling of hope giving you the impression that nothing could go wrong - you would deal later with Fury's anger. 

If you get out of here alive. 

But it may be your only chance to get them, because who knows when they're gonna make another mistake? It could be weeks or months, maybe never, and you don't have the strenght to wait for so long. You don't even really care about the target, he is just some rich man who embodies everything you hate, it's just that this mission is now personnal: you're done playing their game and want to let them know.

You are driving fast, not caring about the speed limits. Gladly, it is late and the hotel is on the edge of the city, isolated to provide traquility to the people that decide to stay here - all rich and influential. You weren't surprised when you discovered that the next victim was staying here for a few days. 

But, if the road is empty, your mind isn't. Your heart is racing, trying to get out of your chest. In months of research, you've never been so close to success, it has something exciting. However, hope doesn't come alone. This feeling is accompanied by nervousness and nausea as you can't help but think of all the ways this could go wrong, the so-good idea is just sounding like a really bad mistake now.

You're on your own, no one knows you are here tonight.

Your fingers are tapping against the steering wheel in an attempt to shut out these thoughts, but it doesn't change anything. You know that, if you want everything to go fine, you need to keep your mind clear - no one ever successed a mission while being distracted, it would only get you killed. However, it is easier to say than to do.

You found yourself waiting at the front of the hotel, trying to hide how shaky your hands were. Even if you are wearing the most expensive dress of your dressing, you are still feeling out of place, everything here being just ... too much, honestly.

One glance at the entrance confirmed what you thought: going in won't be easy. It's obvious that you can't walk in here, pretending to be some guest, without being suspicious. In this kind of mission, discretion is the key and you need to become a part of the landscape.

"Can I steal a bit of your time?" a man asked after you waited for a few minutes. 

A pretty woman doesn't go unotice in that kind of space, especially if she looks a bit lost. This man, however, has nothing pretty, he is probably older than your parents. You are not dumb, knowing that there is nothing innocent behind his request, and this simple thought is enough to digust you. Yet, you don’t say anything. You are just hiding your feelings behind a smile, nodding slowly to him.

He is your way inside.

Once you are inside, you don't wait for one more minute before excusing yourself, pretending you have to go to the bathroom. He made some jokes about women that you don't bother to listen to, already far away, knowing that you won't keep your promise to come back as quickly as possible.

The feeling his hand left on your waist makes you shiver, but you don't have much time to think about it, trying to discretly shaking it off as you are heading to the stairs. At least, the first part of your plan - which wasn't really one - was done: you are inside of the building.

From the hotel's roof, you have a perfect look at the city. Sadly, you don't have much time to enjoy the view of the city lights or to observe the movements of the citizens, unawere of what's happening so close to them. The cold wind of autumn is brushing your face, a few of your hair strubbornly getting out of your braids to get in your eyes, and the fresh air is easing your nervousness a bit. 

But it all came back in a second, all it took was a glance at your watch: almost ten pm, you only have a few minutes to decide what to do. 

Before going down, you made sure that the living-room was empty, using a small drone. You scoffed when you saw the suit he reserved, it was bigger than your appartment and every object there seems to be outrageously expensive. However, even if you can't see anyone, you are not letting your guard down. The lights are on, which means he is somewhere in the appartment and it doesn't let you a lot of time to sneak in if you don't want to be seen.

You went in by the window. Your hands were shaking as you tried to open it, and you couldn't help but glance inside from time to time, fearing the assassin would show. The stress you were feeling made you less efficient and you had to try three times before you eventually hear the relieving sound of the window unlocking - usually, you wouldn't need more than one attempt to get there.

You were trying to make as little noise as possible while closing the window behind you, to make it seem like you've never been here, when you are surprised by a presence on your back. You barely dodged the lamp he threw at you, the object hitting the floor, breaking in a loud noise - for the discretion, you may want to try harder next time. 

As his scream is piercing throught your ears, you jump at him, one of your hands keeping his mouth shut while you are holding him against the wall, hoping no one hears him - because, if it's the case, the assassin won't be your only problem. This was your second mistake, one you could've easily avoided if you came with a better plan than "going in and taking the target down". Even if you are here to save him, the fact that he knows may jeopardize the whole mission, the assassin will probably notice that something isn't right. 

"No, no, no! Don't yell," you hushed him, "I am here to save you, the assassin is coming for you, tonight," you told him in an attempt to ease his panic; but how could you sucess to calm him down when you are even more stressed than he is? His panic is slowly becoming yours as you realise how badly you’ve screwed up.

"To.. save me?" he asked and, at the way he told those words, you can tell that he is schocked by the news. 

"Yes, they-," you started to reply, sliping your hand in your pocket to get out your badge. It seems to calm him down and you can eventually take a few steps back, releasing the man, but your movements are slow, ready to throw yourself at him again if he decides to scream. 

You were already looking around, in search of any hint the assassiin would already be here when you heard a cold chuckle that made you shiver. You immediately turn to the man, only to notice that he is the one laughing. 

"Oh, but I am not the one that needs to be saved," he said, smiling, and you immediately froze, unable to move an inch as your mind is trying to process what he just said. 

"What?" you replied, but deep down you already knew what was happening, the feeling that something isn't right only growing stronger.

"Oh, sorry...", another voice said on your back. Its tone is false pity, its chuckle was full of arrogance, "have I ruined your little moment of heroism?" she asked, and you don't need to hear more than those few sentences to recognize the person to whom that voice belongs. 

Slowly, as if you are scared that moving too fast could make her disappear, you turn around to give a look at the woman. Her face is hidden behind a black mask, but you would recognize those eyes everywhere, even if they are now tinged with a darkness you've never seen in her before. Her green eyes no longer had the soft look you were used to. 

"'Tasha? Is that.. you?" you whispered, but you already knew the answer - a few strands of red hair slipping out of her mask, an another hint of her identity. 

This encouter is leaving a weird feeling, twisting your stomach with fear while confusion coulds your throughts; nothing that is happening now makes sense. Why is she here? What does she mean by that? Why is she so different from the person you know? You are feeling like you are facing a ghost, how weird it's stand in front of a person that looks and sounds like your old friend but that is nothing like them at the same time.

"I thought I taught you better than that..," she added, but her tone is bothering you: it's harsh, cold, she has never talked to you that way in the past. 

It's when she eventually takes her mask off that you can see that she has been smirking the whole time, enjoying the situation you are in. However, you are not smiling at all, because you slowly realise that is was just a trap, *and you fell right into it, giving yourself to the person you've chased for months.*

“Look at you,” she spat out, “so .. naive, and stupid, you didn’t change, uh? You didn’t learn your lesson?” she asked, and you couldn't find the words to reply, the shock had stolen your voice, you didn’t even notice that the man left the room, leaving only the two of you and a thick ambience.

You’ve known the woman for many years. When you joined the Avengers, the two of you quickly became close as being the only two women in a team of cocky men. Sure, it wasn’t always easy because of how different you are, but you learned a lot by her side and you appreciated her a lot, always seeking the company of the spy.

A few years ago, when everyone decided it was time to split up, you didn’t stay in touch with any of them. You were never a family, despite what they would tell you, just colleagues and, if it was hard to admit at first, you eventually got used to this idea. However, you can’t help but think about the redhead from time to time, regretting not having a way to contact her, wishing you would've at least stayed close with her among all your former teammates. 

You thought it was mutual, but you are not sure anymore. 

No matter how hard she tried to be nice to you, a part of her always hated the person you were. She hated your smile and how pure it was, she hated how childish you could be, always excited over the smallest things. You were a constant reminder of what her life could've been if she had a normal childhood. She was jealous. It felt unfair to see that life gave you everything she always dreamed of. 

But the spy never talked about it. She listened closely everytime you would talk about your childhood, helping you to organize surprises for your family, not mentionning the way her stomach would twist and her heart hurt in those moments. She got used to the feeling of her nails digging into her skin whenever she was having a conversation with you - because you would most likely be talking about your memories at some point. 

She even used to avoid your room, not wanting to see the pictures and childhood memories displayed everywhere. Those objects were a reminder that your family is real when hers was nothing more than a pretending, a mission. While she was trying to survive, you never got to worry about anything else than what was your favourite colour. 

And, even if she knows you had your own struggles, she couldn’t help but have the toxic urge to compare both of your lives and what you have been through.

You got the life she was dreaming of with the other girls, but you didn't even seem to realise it.

If she was able to keep up the act, it was only because it was easy to go on missions by your side. You were skilled but, most importantly, great at following orders: you would always do everything she asked you to. You were eager to please the woman. So she talked to you, smiled, acted nice, pretended it was nothing when you would apologize for ranting about your life, knowing that, one day, she would find a way to get her revenge.

Suddenly, you are the one being pinned against the wall and she leaves you no chance to escape. You barely noticed her moving, barely had time to think about dodging her attack that you were already in her hands.  

She appears to be even better than when you were working together, and you suspect that it's not because she trained since, but surely because she never used her whole skills in a fight against you - she knew she didn't need that to win. Your hopes of beating the redhead vanish immediately, you only ever won because she let you to.

How could you?

She was raised to kill, when you would just achieve a childhood dream.

Oh, you are good at it, just not good enough. You realize your mistake when, for the first time since you met the spy, you feel her fist landing on your face with its whole strenght, not once, but an endless amont of time. There is blood, yours, running down your nose and mouth, and it comes with a sharp pain as her last hit sends you to the ground. 

“You’ve no idea for how long I’ve waited for that moment..," she told you while coming closer. She is observing your miserable form with a satisfied smile on her face. 

“Tasha’, I understand that-,” you tried to say, but you were stopped by another kick on your face that took your breath away. She doesn't even let you the possibility to say a few words, the sound of your voice being enough to drive her crazy. 

The pity in it is making her sick.

“You can understand?” she scoffed in disbelief. She can't believe that you've the audacity to say something like that. “No. You think you can understand what I am going through, but you can’t, and you want to know why?" she asked, pausing before giving you the answer herself, "because you are the golden child that has everything in the palm of her hand," she said those words in a voice full of hate. 

“What happened..?" you whispered, "that- that’s not.. you... not the Natasha I know," you said, trying to make sense of the situation, but you can't, you want to believe that it is just a terrible mistake, that she is still here, somewhere, that she just got lost - but it could've happened to any of you, right?

“Oh, but you never knew me, love," she replied, coldly laughing at you, "This is me. This is the person I was born to be. For years, I tried to run away, but we can’t escape our destiny," she continued. She takes a few more steps toward you, kneeling at your side, her hand caressing your cheek, "and honestly, I've never felt so good, so free."

“If it’s him again, I- I can help you, we can find a-," you said, refusing to think about the fact that, maybe, she is right, that everything is just her choice, because it would make you the enemy of a person that used to be your friend and teammate. 

Again, you are stopped by a kick on your chest while she is smiling, as if you just said the stupidest thing she's ever heard of her life.

“Him?” she chuckled, “Oh, honey, no.. he is long gone. It is just me now. I eventually got to be who I really am without anyone to prevent me from doing so, isn’t it .. thrilling?” she asked, but you are not sharing her excitement, you are just frightened and she can tell it by the way you are looking at her, your eyes being wide open. 

She was born for that life, she was raised with the only purpose to kill, to spy, but since the Avengers no longer exist, what was she? Her skills were no longer useful. At first, she tried to get a normal job, but it didn't end very well, she just couldn't fit in. She hated the feeling of having everything to learn again.

And it was all your fault.

You were the voice in her head that made her believe it was possible, that she could, one day, have a normal life, without blood and fights. You are the one that gave her hope. When she was at your side, she always felt like you were right, but reality was quick to kick in and, whenever the two of you were talking, there was always a small detail that would remind her that you are living in two opposite worlds. The demons that haunted her spared you and she will never be able to make it up for the blood on her hands.

But then you abandoned her, like the others, and she realized she couldn't do it without you to show her the beauty of the world. It just seems impossible, she was too brutal for the earth. 

And she started hating you for your lies. 

You never knew, but she was watching you the whole time. She knows every detail of your life, how you succeeded to rebuild it after the Avengers when she failed. It seems so simple, so why couldn't she do the same? You seem to have forgotten your former colleagues so easily, you got a new job and friends, a complete new life in only a few months, as if she never existed. Meanwhile, the memories of her time with the Avengers were stuck in her head. 

She felt like she lost her only chance to have a normal life. 

It's not surprising, then, that she fell again in that loop of blood and death. It was familiar, almost comforting, something she is good at. Whenever she completes a mission, it reminds her that she has a place in that world, even if it's not the one she has dreamed of.

She loved to see you struggling. She enjoyed watching you those past months, she wanted to see how desesperate you could get before breaking down. She knew it wasn't healthy, but she couldn't help but love the feeling of power, and it is even more true right now, as she has you pinned against the wall, one of her hands pressed against your throat.

“I know that you think you’re better than me, but we are the same, we are both killers," she said, her face being so close to yours that you could feel her breath. "The difference is that you are controlled by your superiors. They wouldn’t care if I was doing the same, they don’t care about those deaths, they are just afraid they can't control me. And you know what?" she asked with a frightening expression, "they're right to feel that way. Now that I am free, no one will ever tell me what to do, not even you,” she whisepered those last words in your ears, it sounded like a warning. 

In reality, she is only almost free, because she has one last thing to do for it to be true. Even if she is now at the head of her own organization, no longer taking orders from anyone else, she doesn't feel completely free yet. This time, it is not because of Dreykov, Fury or Tony, but you. 

The redhead firmly believes that, if she manages to control you, she will be able to get the freedom she always wanted. 

Slowly, her gentle touch becomes agressive, her fingers are no longer caressing your cheek, they are wrapped around your throat, the pressure slowly increasing until you are struggling to breath. You can read everything she never told you in her eyes: suffering and despair, hatred and anger. 

You are the last thing with power over her. She can't get you out of her mind, being obsessed with you in a way that isn't healthy. She can't stop thinking about the sweet words you used to whisper to her when she was at her lowest, the ones that gave her a glimpse of who she could've been, but also the ones that prevent her from embracing who she really is.

If she wants to be free, she needs to grief the person she would've been if her childhood would've been like yours, and it won't be possible as long as you're here. Your words were the cause of the guilt that was building in her sometimes, when it was late, they were keeping her from sleeping, they are the reason for all her weaknesses.

"P- please," you whispered, managing to say a few words, begging for your life as she coldly held her knife above your head - you don't doubt one second she would kill you without any hesitation.

But the hit never came.

She just stayed like that for what felt like hours, tilting her head while a smile spread on her face, almost mocking. The smile has nothing in common with what you're used to, this one sends shivers through your body.

"Hm, you're right," she eventually said, as if you said something that would've been enough for her to change her mind when you didn't - she seems to be talking to herself. "Where would be the fun if I kill you know? It was just starting to get interesting, don't you think?" she added and your relief is short, there is something mischevious on her tone and attitude that makes you wish she just've killed you instead. 

Those past months made her realize that she doesn't need to kill you, she doesn't even really want to. No, what she really enjoyed was more the idea of having control over your life, to know that you were so desesperate that she was the only thing in her mind - and you didn't even know yet it was her behind that. 

Now that you know, it'll only make it worse.

If she wouldn't hesitate to stab you, she knows that you would. After so many years of working with you, she had time to get to know you, and she was right thinking you didn't change, still being so predictable. She barely had to do anything to have you between her hands, you fell almost on her trap so easily that it was almost disappointing.

You are doing everything she guesses you will.

And she knows you won't kill her, *how could you?* You strongly believe in redemption and that, even if Natasha got lost, you can take her back, no matter how long it'll take. Everyone deserves a second chance. 

The redhead thought it would be entertaining to see you try to "save her" and miserably fail before she ends your life. This is the revenge she was looking for. 

"I'll leave you a little something to remember who you are dealing with," she murmurs as she lowers the knife, directing it toward your hips where she stabs you. She knows exactly what she is doing, to within a few millimeters, she would've killed you but she didn't. "See you soon," she added, and they're the last words she pronounces as she leaves the room. 

It is a reminder of the power she has. She leaves you on the ground, alone and bleeding like an animal while she has no injuries. And, if this encounter ended up that way, it is only because she decided to, not because she had pity, nor because you decided to. She could've killed you in a second if she wanted to, and god, she loves that feeling.

Tags - @imnotslouching

Masterlist here.

[davekat-sucks]

>Pride month includes trans pride, and who’s deemed canonically trans by the Huss? THAT’S RIGHT! HOPE YOU LIKE SEEING JUNE EGBERT ON YOUR DASH A WHOOOOOOOOLE LOT AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MONTH!

(hopefully this formats the text right i dont use tumblr a lot and i usually only lurk)

Listen anon, this shit aint gonna work. June Egbert is not canon and she wont be, it doesnt matter if she appears on HSBC because let me tell you, its already on its name: BEYOND CANON.

You are not owning transphobes or helping trans people by screaming that June is canon everywhere you go, all you do is annoy people who arent trans and help make those trans stereotype become even worse and that just makes everything more awful than it already is. What you are doing is not helping ANYONE and it just makes you look like an asshole.

In fact Homestuck trans rep sucks as a whole. Vriska sucks in general and people like Kate will use her being "canonically" trans as an excuse when like I said all that does it make things WORSE. June is forced and people like you usually try to force people that its canon when its not and the Roxy one from HSBC is the same thing but nobody gives a shit about one so people usually dont talk about it.

And no just because Hussie said it doesnt mean its true (ie. Andrew Hussie Formstring) and sure the circumstances are different but the webcomic is done, its like if George Lucas claimed Luke Skywalker was actually a trans girl in secret all this time or some shit, it would be nonsensical to suddenly say that when theres never evidence for it + the main material having ended years ago. It has already ended and HSBC is just a non-canonical continuation.

And I don't know how much it "being planned from the beggining" means but I'm pretty sure its about being planned since the epilogues or something and not since the Homestuck Beta from april 10th, look at me in my invisible eyes and tell me that the Hussie from that era was thinking about transgender rights and not about his next webcomic and i dont fucking know that creepy puppet he had as a kid or horses.

AND before you assume Im transphobic, Im not and support trans people because i know how gender dysphoria feels [even though i do feel like some people online are faking it for attention or are there not for support but because they have some fetish which is pretty fucking bad (and Im unsure if fit the label or if I want to fit it considering I dont tell anyone about it at all and everyone online nowdays seems to suck overall and I also dont want to go around telling online strangers on a public profile about it)], so please understand this. June Egbert is not canon and is not a good rep, if you like it then keep it on the parts of the community that like it and stop trying to force "dubiously canon" on everyone. You are causing more harm than good, in fact I think that you are doing might not be doing any good at all.

And because I feel like I didnt let enough steam off Im gonna say this

Fuck June. Fuck her stupid fucking name. Fuck her rep. Fuck Post-Canon. And she and other shit reps deserve to be forced to take a permanent vacation straight to Hell.

Oh and davekat-sucks please keep existing and dont let these people put you down, you are one of the few people in this community nowdays that seems to not be overly aggressive and you allow people to show their opinions without having to fear getting harassed on or getting dragged on a full blown warzone just for not thinking like most people on the community do. Your blog means a lot for fans like us and remember, just because a lot of people seem to disagree with you it doesnt mean you are wrong! ^U^

Thank you for the kind words, Anon. And thank you for this amazing post here too. ✧ദ്ദി( ˶^ᗜ^˶ )

[outofthiisworld]

💞 OC x canon

📶 crossover ships

💙 crack ships

for Ophelia? ^^

. ✦ ݁ ˖ send an emoji and i'll tell you my opinion on… OoOo 💜Baby Girl Hours💜!!! i rambled and got off subject on a couple of these bullet points so under the readmore u go

💞 OC x canon

Y’know … I’ve come to realize I don’t really have any sort of canon characters I ship Ophelia with! :0 at least not really and not at the moment.

I’ve toyed around with a couple ideas before on my own time, and a few oc x canon orientated memes on here awhile back; hell when I first made her a couple years ago as a dc fan character— i shipped her mostly with a green lantern (that’s as much as anyone will get out of me, the answer of WHICH lantern will go with me to my grave)!!! Buuut it’s never really gone anywhere outside of moments of whimsy.

I think it’s also cause I naturally gravitate towards oc x oc more. there’s a euphoria to shipping an oc with another friend’s oc that is just sooo OOOOOUGH (affectionate) to me ya know? 💕

That being said i do wanna emphasize I am EXTREMELY PRO OC X CANON IN THIS HOUSE!!!!!! Ophelia is just. Finicky.

📶 crossover ships

Ophelia is a fandomless oc so truly all ships with her are crossover ships ✨

Crossovers are a blast and honestly a lot of my rp history + experience WAS heavily crossover based, so it’s not something I shy away from easily!

When me and my bestie were younger, like highschool era— we’d always take out favorite characters from all of our favorite shows + comics and then cram them all in a plot-heavy AU of our own making, usually inspired by whatever genre we both were really fixated on at the time. All so we can play Fucked Up Barbies with ‘em.

I’ve taken my former muse Wade Wilson to so many places you wouldn’t believe /lh. I’ve taken him to places back when I had no idea muse is what you called em.

Crossovers are so much fun. But you gotta MEAN IT with you whole 🐈!!!!!!!!!! AND I DO!!!!!!!

💙 crack ships

Crack ships don’t last long for me and what I mean by that is:

it’s like when I started drinking G-Fuel as a gag with my bestie and then it very quickly became not a gag and I still order it to this day. My favorite flavor is Miami Nights.

[styrmwb]

I beat Slayers X

losers........ scroll away. u cant HANDEL how cool this game is....

Hypnospace Outlaw is one of my favorite indie games of all time (Slay the Spire is also up there, these two are the peak for me). When I found out there was a sequel I was hyped. It only took my brain... a little under a year to actually play it XD (I gave Hypnospace another playthrough a few days ago cause I never got 100% or did the Plus content so that helped). But giving me more hypnospace universe (the trennisverse, as I've heard) goodness in the form of a game created, in character, by Zane? Fucking Outstanding. I've never really been a boomer shooter guy, so this was like... technically my first one played? I had a blast the whole way through, regardless.

gameplay......

Again, never actually played with my own two hands a boomer shooter before, but of course I've watched Doom gameplay, I've played more modern FPSs. I knew what I was getting myself into, and it felt super easy to maneuver. The weapons were all really fun, and I actually got to feel like each one had its own use, although the Glass Blasta and the Rapid Mutilator were my personal favorites, for power and mobility reasons alike. I loved the map design, which wasn't constant enemies and perpetual combat like I was expecting. There was a lot of downtime that let me explore, see the details put into everything, and to look for secrets. That was my favorite part of the gameplay for sure, although I'm sure for some people they might not like those slower parts and how hard some of the secrets were to find. I know I struggled a bit on some, but I still liked it. I played on the normal difficulty, which felt like it gave me enough of a challenge and enough time to breathe. It was the perfect mix.

atmosfear....

The theming of the game was FUCKING perfect. Hypnospace crushed it with the vibe of early internet forums, and Zane was spot on for a stupid edgy 15 year old of the time. They already mastered the execution, and they got to expand on it further here. The misspellings, the nu metal soundtrack, the graphics, the toilet humor and crude but just innocent enough dialogue, it all gets the vibe exactly correct. Hell, even in real life, with Zane being the irl creator of the game, his twitter, and the way that he advertises his game is perfect. If you don't know what you're getting into, you're gonna think this game is stupid, and I know this cause I've seen quite a few people just not understand what the bit is, and the bit is 50% of the enjoyment of the game. I love it, though. Can't wait for more of this energy in the future.

musik (awsome)

Growing up in the 2000s with younger parents, the general nu metal genre and anything in that era is what I listened to growing up, so this shit is NOSTALGIC for me. I love every song in the game, I love how dirty and rancid it sounds, they literally already got it perfect in Hypnospace, and Slayers X just gives me even more of what I already love. When you're not in combat and you're just walking around, the rock takes a backside for this creepy atmospheric noise which really makes the levels, showing the dingy nature and the (literal) shit. The bonus levels have different soundtracks that get that Doom level sound perfect, which I really appreciated as well.

characterz... (Zane, the coolest guy, and those other idiots.....)

I LOVE how this game's cast feels. The in universe explanations for everything really enhances it. Zane is still that same immature child he was years ago, the game is full of his ego, but you can see in his like, dev dialogue, that he has in fact aged and mellowed out, which is really sweet and saddening to see. The same kid who made bullying pages is now a single dad who clearly loves his kid even if he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, and is dealing with a lot of hardships in life. Like the original game, it's a surface of humor with a really deep inside. You get more of his character by seeing the rest of the cast. Mevin is creepy, obviously evil, definitely not inspired by anyone irl, and Zane's way of physically lashing out at his struggles. Steffanie literally sounds like there's 0 effort being put into her lines, and combined with the secret with Adam, the person that helped Zane code the game, showing annoyance yet still helping him shows that this dude is pathetic but... there's still something in him that makes people want to help him anyways. Mikey is also in on this, putting WAY more effort than anyone would ever need to in this game, but you can tell because of that that there's just something ABOUT Zane that people can't help but want to push him forward for some reason. Again, it's heartwarming and sad, and I love that.

the rest, ig uess...

I don't really know what else to say that I haven't already said; I love this game. It gives me more of what I loved out of Hypnospace, although hyperspecified to Zane (not complaining)

I DO HAVE TO ADMIT THOUGH, I HAVE A SERIOUS BIAS CAUSE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS HELPED MAKE IT AND I LOVE TO SEE HER WORK, SHE MADE SOME OF THE LEVELS AND SOME OF THE SOUNDTRACK AND SHE'S SUPER COOL AND AWESOME AND SKILLED SHOUTOUTS TO @headachelikeapillow YOU'RE THE BEST

I got a little easter egg in the game which is super cool :) It warms my heart to see my name lead into a fuckin saw chamber (that has literally stopped every streamer I've ever seen play that level in their tracks, it's hilarious)

sorry if I'm breaking an nda you can kill me if you need

Anyways, with that aside;

10/10. BADASS GAME MADE BY THE AWESOMEST DUDE AROUND.... HELL BE RICH AND FAMOUS FOR SURE AND GET ALL THE GIRLS (LIKE HE DOESNT ALREADY BWL)

[buzz-killed]

finding out abt the hat man hauntings has fucked me up forever. im making sense of my past paranormal experiences with him (or it) im talking way back in childhood when a hat man used to visit me always in the night and it didnt matter if i was alone or not, he'd still show up. scared the hell out of my brother's friend once during a sleepover. my brother saw him too so the fact that we all saw the same thing is ultra creepy. hat man stopped visiting as i got older and then i saw him again in my adult years. as a kid i wasnt told abt paranormal stuff though so its not like i had a clear understanding of what i was experiencing while it was happening. my family does have history messing w/ not only witchcraft but black magic too. idk if ol' dude was conjured up that way or what but i wouldnt be surprised if thats how he got here. hat man likes targeting abused children (allegedly) which blew my mind. children in dysfunctional homes, that sort of thing. when i learned that, i felt sick to my stomach bc for years i tried rationalizing who tf was visiting me at night all along, wearing an old fashioned hat. the best i could come up with was my deceased great grandfather that died when i was 6. he was born in 1910 and still wore hats from that old timey era in his old age so that made the best sense to me. i also visited him a lot when i was little. but to know it wasnt him and could possibly be evil and is still lurking around me makes me extremely uneasy. like, i literally have a spirit, or smthn worse, attached to me since...............who knows how long. the edwardian ghost i saw at my dad's house a few years ago? it wasnt a ghost it was the hat man.

anyways. anybody wanna come and take this creepy edwardian hat man off my hands? hes a brunette with long hair, mid 30s, piercing brown eyes and has really nice cheekbones. and will never leave u apparently lmao.

[danepopfrippery]

Wtf is happening over on ofmd Twitter??

I dont tag in much so last i was aware was the ‘stede bonnet is a racist and u are too’ fluff. And this is of course my take. I only peak in anymore someone more involved might be able to explain better.

Theres some lovely ppl over there, gorgeous art and nsfw art too. But starting lets say may-ish a group of mostly young fans (judging by their profiles most were under 22) started saying most fans were racist for liking Stede Bonnet or Izzy and basically white people and straight ppl shouldnt be allowed to watch or be fans. If u like Con or Izzy (yup both) you were basically a klan member cuz clearly he thinks Ed is his slave etc. it goes on.

Look im white and cishet so im basically 3% of most of the fandom. But i found this particularly interesting cuz a lot of these people crossed over with Wwdits and no one wanted to talk about Kayvan Novak doing repeated blackface starting in 2015. They also didnt want to acknowledge Taika said some real terfy shit when he was my age in 2014 (mustve been an asshole era). Neither man has apologized (or mark proksch) and Kayvan doubled down on it last year.

So look i absolutely can not say how poc are allowed to feel. I just find it very odd they want to lynch Rhys and Con but are fine with Kayvan especially. Blackface to me seems like an ultimate sin.

So moving along… by the C2e2 they wanted to cancel Con for playing Izzy and slammed anyone who fangirled over him. A few weeks later Con made an insensitive comment about a tory having a coke nose, comparing it to a latine country. For some reason that didnt blow up til August. He did apologize and deleted or paused his twitter (he claimed before it blew up he would for filming and this coincided with filming beginning so hard to say). Most of them felt apologizing was no good and this was proof he was truly a racist playing a racist character.

(Fyi my personal belief is ppl should take responsibility, sincerely apologize, and never do x again).

Rhys’ wife is a royalist and when the Queen died they went after her and Rhys for saying Elizabeth’s death was sad. Wife doubled down. Ppl said proof shes racist and he should divorce her (i mean…i didnt love it but they really went after them. Im no royalist and think the queen was a colonizer.)

So then a few weeks ago Rhys Darby briefly replied to a friend that he felt playing Stede Bonnet was like reliving a past life. It was like 2 sentences. Ppl first thought it was cute, then this mob came to feast. They attacked any fan who liked it and attacked rhys so much he declared this is why he doesnt tweet much.

I personally took the tweet to mean he felt like he was reliving a life, not necessarily Stede Bonnet the real dude. But i mean shit if ur playing (or claiming) a rich white man pre 1860 the dude was likely a slave owner. Not a justification but liking a fictional character doesnt mean u think the fictional character is the real dude. I didnt know Stede Bonnet existed before ofmd. Real dude was a cunty slave owner who was prbly mentally ill and an asshole to his crew. I dont conflate Rhys’ bird of paradise bitchy queen with that dude. In my world Stede Bonnet is a fictional character. Fuck the real guy.

Soooo ive ranted nice and long here (sorry i have feelings). But the summary is theres a young mob of ofmd fans on twitter who want to prove they are activists by being assholes to real ppl who arent doing anything worth calling out…while also not calling out actors who really have done shit. Basically baby bullies. And oddly many of them are white so its even weirder. But thats that. I dont recommend bothering with it.

[luvuwite]

hi : ) I was looking at ur ToyHouse and noticed you had all your old personas as characters now? Can u explain more about them? Are they U? But in a different universe? (I've been here since the YoSquishy era and I got intrigued when I saw the Roblox characters lol)

hi anon :} ALSO THE YOUSQUISHY ERA?? DAMNNN I FORGET PPL KNOWN ME SINCE THAT TIME LOLL

"Hallowed Passe" is a universe me and my partner came up roughly almost 2 years ago!

me and my girlfriend were just chatting on like. idk a random Wednesday, and she brought up the fact she liked her old persona designs and for me, i connect a lot with my old personas, so i came up with the idea of what if we made an entire separate universe/world for them in specific? !!

heres the screenshot i actually gave out to my server when we were talkin abt it LMAO

me and my gf have had a LOTT of old persona designs, so we wanted to kinda rework them and recycle their concepts and design to make some good use outta em!

they live in their own universe and their stories mainly revolve around how everyone is kinda connected, but focuses mainly on their relationship dynamics and their process of becoming healthy duos :> they used to be us but theyre just OCs now! theyre each others lil soulmates :}

actually funfact, when we first made them we decided not to make this story public because we knew it couldve probably raised a few questionable eyes LOL that's why ppl only seen them for roughly a year now, but we leaned into them being public and ppl actually rlly like this concept!!

[idlingworship]

I'm Huh Jihye, a member of FUTURE/FEMME, singer-songwriter, producer, and a fan of pineapple on pizza. Ask me anything!

Hi, Reddit!

I'm Huh Jihye, a member of K-pop group FUTURE/FEMME under Culture Creative. We just made our comeback with 'Kitsch', and I'll be here to answer a few of your questions about what it's like to be a member of FUTURE/FEMME and about K-pop!

How do you keep your head high? Idols often have to deal with lots of criticism, and I can't imagine it's easy dealing with that day in and day out.

good question! i'm extremely lucky to have wonderful people around me, such as my group members, that act as my support system. i don't get hurt easily, so i like to see if it's constructive, then i'll take the criticism and work on myself. if not, then i don't care! if i'm secure in myself and believe i'm the best version of me, then it doesn't matter what others think of me. it only matters what i think of me! you're you, and i'm me!

jihye girl i love u!!! i'm such a big fan of f/f!!! can you share more about 'kitsch' and how you came up with the song? love u miss producer huh x

thank you! i feel like when i was creating it, i wanted it to be really representative of what future/femme's whole message & what we stand for, so a very carefree, youthful, 'i don't care' vibe! there are lots of references to social media platforms and what it's probably like to just be existing in the now as a gen-z. i wanted everyone who listened to be able to feel like they're a cheerful, confident main character in a high-teen movie with no worries! if you're walking down the street and listening to kitsch, you really have to become the main character!

What does a typical day for FUTURE/FEMME look like?

there really is no one typical day! even if we're preparing for a comeback, we all have different schedules and things to work on outside of it, and come together for practice after. for me, it's working in the studio 24/7!

what's your birth time queen

i'll never reveal this.

what's your favourite song you've ever written?

this is so hard to answer... but i have a special soft spot for love u twice! it's sooo personal to me, and so many of you guys have said you relate to it which makes it extra special!💖 i find it so wonderful when you make my songs yours :) it's why i also love good parts, because i want to encourage self-love!

what's your favourite taylor swift era?

off the top of my head, midnights!

what's a song you like to listen to to get your energy up?

antifragile!

top 3 must-haves in your bag? and a tmi!

probably... my phone! that's really a must-have! my headphones, and chocolate! for my tmi, i stayed up til 5am yesterday/today!

[sliding $20 note] any new music in the works...

;) forever n always

your favourite lyric you've ever written, and why?

omggg so many. probably: the bridge of impurities, 'power stronger in adversity, i'm not afraid of the overwhelming shadow, i'll have it all what i desire' good parts' 'i don't wanna blame my weakness, i'll love myself the way i am'! polaroid's entire verse 2. that's it that's the tweet

what's something you'd like to say to you 5 years ago, and you 5 years in the future?

keep going because you'll be glad you did! i hope the 26-year-old jihye will be happy, too.

thanks for all your questions & support, reddit! this has been so much fun, but unfortunately, this is all the time i have. please give lots of support to future/femme's latest comeback, 'kitsch'! 💖

[transmickey]

tag game tuesday !! wahoo !!

thank u for the tag @lupeloto 💐

name: ajax

age: in my 20s

pronouns: he/him

tell me about one of your hobbies: i game a lot 🎮 i've finally been playing 'the last of us part I' recently since it finally was released on pc a couple months ago !! very fun very exciting

what languages do you speak? from most to least fluent: english and a little french (i took classes for many years but let's just say that schools here are not the best at teaching languages)

one of your comfort movies: i am not really a movie person but the number of times i have watched 'pitch perfect' after a rough day is frankly embarrassing

do you have any kids? do you want any? no & no. kids are cute and all but not for me!

cold weather or hot weather? definitely cold. i am no. 1 summer hater i despise it.

you’re at an amusement park. what ride are you going on first? whatever the biggest rollercoaster is i fucking love rollercoasters 🎢🎢🎢

what’s your go-to hairstyle/how do you wear your hair most days? my hair is very short so i style it however it decides to look when i wake up. which is often not great!

artist in your spotify wrapped/apple music replay in 2022? taylor swift i think (everyone manifest i Will get eras tour tickets next month. also hi any fellow swiftie moots)

you’ve just been handed $1000 but you have to spend it on clothes. where are you shopping? um!!!!! i do not know, h&m and thrift stores probably

wireless or corded headphones? all my headphones are wireless.. every pair of wired headphones i have ever owned broke within a couple months i do not trust them!!

finally, tell me something that sparks joy: i have returned to my hometown for a couple months now that i have finished university for the summer (yay!) and it has been lovely seeing all my old school friends and seeing whats different and the same around here. ~nostalgia time~

im tagging the last few mutuals in my notifs, but anyone feel free to do this if you'd like!! 😚 : @softmick @callivich @shameless-capricorn @sleepyfacetoughguy @creepkinginc @swiftfootedachilles

[kimchokejin]

tag game 🏆 in which natalia (@jiminsproof​), heather (@wistfulocean​) and elle (@joon-rkive​) activate a particular brand of crazy for me. but they probably knew this would happen

so the game itself is simple, rank 34 bangtan lead singles (?) in order of your preference

i will put the rest under the read more because it’s about to get long-winded and opinionated in here 🤙

so first of all...this should have been much easier for me given i created a bts song ranker a few months ago and re-ranked the songs like, last month lmao. however as you can probably guess i overthought this yet again! but after 10 listens i think it’s safe to say i should just stop wasting my time and letting bts completely take over my spotify wrapped for the 3rd year in a row. so my ranking is below. but three FOUR important things before i begin!

1. there is only 1 (one) song on here that i h*te. some of the others aren’t really my thing, but i still enjoy them sometimes! it’s just my taste, if i have any. i joke a lot about my opinions being right but really, truly, these are just opinions

i had to resist adding “but i’m right” here

2. i am ranking these songs based on how i feel about them while listening to them alone with my headphones. i am trying to leave music videos and performances out of it, although there are some performances that have seeped into my soul and i just can’t separate them. but i will let you know when i notice that happening. not all of these songs even have performances (that i know of? did they perform heartbeat?) and with the slow ones ofc the performance might just be them standing onstage in front of microphones so i just don’t think that’s a fair comparison. similar with the mvs, i’m definitely gonna be biased towards the videos with more budget and/or when the members are older lmao so i just don’t want that to be a factor. and there are also some songs that are more fun to listen to while screaming along with your friends and i’m not gonna be able to forget that completely either but again i don’t do that as much with the slow songs and i think they deserve a chance in my ranking. point is i’m TRYING to focus on sound alone. and related to that:

3. i do not speak korean or japanese! i like to look up the meanings of bts songs when i think about it, especially because some of them have such great messages (and others not so much lol) but it’s easy for me to forget that while i’m listening to the songs because i don’t understand many of the words they’re saying. i would say overall that the meaning of the song sometimes makes me like a song more or less, but the language barrier definitely makes that super secondary to me just enjoying the listening experience

4. also! i became a fan during dynamite era. so i might be less attached to some of the old songs (or a song like yet to come!) than people who’ve been fans for longer.

okay, so with all that said, here is my ranking:

Film Out

Spring Day

Boy In Luv

We Are Bulletproof pt. 2

Mic Drop

Boy With Luv

N.O.

No More Dream

Epilogue: Young Forever

Lights

DNA

IDOL

Fake Love

Blood, Sweat & Tears

I Need U

Heartbeat

Run

Just One Day

Danger

War of Hormone

Fire

Dope

Stay Gold

Black Swan

ON

Airplane pt. 2

Butter

Dynamite

For You

Save Me

Life Goes On

Yet To Come

Not Today

Permission To Dance

some of these rankings might be surprising so please

let me explain

in reverse order so we end on a positive (but emo) note

(notes aren’t even necessary and were written mostly in drunk lmao basically just whatever came to mind while i was listening)

[namjoon voice] so let’s go!

34. Permission to Dance

literally no offense to anyone who likes this song if this music gets you going i won’t stop how you move but i want this song to walk the walk out of my life. where to begin...i guess i’ll start with the first time i heard this song, which was the premiere, and i remember watching the music video (i know it’s not supposed to count BUT) with my roommates and at the beginning we were like “oh she’s wearing a mask...is she gonna...” and then she DID. they all did. and we were like are you serious? we stayed up for THIS? like ed sheeran wrote it and i doubt the guys had much creative control of the video esp the scenes they weren’t in but like releasing a song with a music video basically proclaiming COVID is over when it was still a huge problem literally everywhere...YIKES! btw get your omicron boosters folks. ofc the lyrics are generic enough that my friends and i just decided to treat it like a gay rights anthem after the rainbow cowboy performance but even if i could get the horrible taste out of my mouth after that...the song itself still makes me sick. they autotuned the fuck out of it to the point where the chorus sounds like vomit sloshing around in a bucket, the lyrics are empty nonsense, and it’s just not bts! like ed sheeran wrote better songs for one direction, songs that still sounded kind of like ed sheeran songs. this isn’t even ed sheeran’s new sound and it CERTAINLY isn’t bts’ sound. i listen to this song and best case scenario i am tense the entire time waiting for it to be over. my friends and i CHEERED when it dropped down from #1 after one week lmao. the 1 (one) good thing about this song which doesn’t count for my ranking is the sign language built into the dance, that was great! i promise i will not be like this for the rest lmao

notes

the beginning is a one direction song. is it wmyb? that would explain why it triggers a fight or flight response in me

i mean when it’s live jk’s part at the beginning is kinda nice but again that doesn’t count

namjoon why did you say elton john in a british accent

“right vibe” yoongi please define this vibe you keep speaking of

hobi’s cute during his part at the end of the chorus but that’s because of him not the song

jimin’s high notes at the end are good live but again they don’t count!!!

same with jin’s “we don’t need to WOOOOOOORRYYYyyy” that’s my favorite part of his voice

i needed to drink to get through this one yikes

33. Not Today

okay so absolutely NOTHING against not today but this falls in my category of bts songs where i’m like...”why are you yelling???” which makes absolutely NO sense because i generally LOVE the songs that go hard and this song is kind of allegedly about social justice? which is literally the MOST valid reason to be yelling. and yet...i think this song just makes me feel like i’m in a battle scene in a movie, but not the biblical kind like ON, more like the sci fi and/or youth revolution kind like hunger games where it could feasibly happen in a few hundred years and it just stresses me OUT! when i’m in a really chill mood this song can be fun but in any other situation i’m like someone please get me outta here i’m gonna dieeeEEEE. idk i’m sensitive sometimes. i guess the song does its job though

notes

okay but literally does the beginning of this song not give you anxiety is this really just me

yoongi’s rapping voice is good though

extra! huh!

still part of this ~woooooorld~

extra plus ordinary! huh!

WAH!

WILL i survive? will i REALLY???

chong! jojun! BALsa!!!

seriously it’s movie trailer battle scene music

too hot! (milk)

i love hobi’s rap

whatcha sayay! not todayay!

whatever effect they did on the vocals in the bridge i liked that it fits

hands up!

i had a nice day i do like this song

but it’s also v long

i will accept this gunshot it could be thematic

32. Yet to Come

ahhhh yet to come...again i LOVE the message behind this song and it’s something i need to hear at the tender age of 26. the sound just isn’t really my thing. but the best part of this song is when the rap line comes in on the chorus. specifically yoongi and how PASSIONately he raps his part i really FEEL it in the live performances (not that that’s supposed to count here...). last thing i’ll say is that i feel the need to sing this song more than i feel the need to listen to it, so i guess it’s catchy, but i don’t enjoy the listening experience as much as most of their other songs

notes

vocal line does sound nice in the beginning actually

i should just listen to this drunk all the time

no i shouldn’t

[jk voice] yooonGAAAAAAAAY

i sure HOPE the best is yet to come

31. Life Goes On

this might as well be tied with yet to come tbh, the only difference between the two is that i’ve been with this song longer and i’m more attached. and vocal line’s high notes in the chorus are super impressive. i try to sing along and i’m piercing everyone’s eardrums. singing that high AND softly is really fucking hard like props to them...also every time yoongi sings “mmm mmm mmm mmm” i say “thanks suga” afterward because that alone is worthy of a grammy

notes

the bass line is so close to another famous song idk which one but it’s also satisfying

we got jk low notes good good good good good good GOOD!

thanks suga

BEAUFITUL BEAUTIFUL high notes

30. Save Me

this song is catchy, it just doesn’t really do anything for me. i think it ends up fading really easily into the background and it doesn’t really stand out next to other songs with a similar sound

notes

the clock is like what do you mean what is the purpose (2015) of it

jimin your voice is beautiful

i just don’t think i could pick this instrumental out from a lineup of other 2010s dj hits you know?

lmao the echo on tae’s voice went so weird like really listen to it (nyah nyah nyah)

please save me tonight p p p please save me tonight

whoo! whoo!

the best of ME???

but yeah this sounds to me like parts of other songs but don’t ask me which ones i’ve lived a long life i don’t remember

no thank YOU namjoon 🤭

29. For You

okay i genuinely do LOVE this song i just don’t always have the patience for it, if that makes sense. it’s a good vibe that sometimes makes me feel nostalgic but it takes some time to build up. that’s okay! i just have to be in the right mindset for it. and similar to heather i only discovered the mv recently and wow that’s adorable 🥺

notes

joonie baby why are YOU far away. come home. the kids miss you

shower! we’re getting really excited about hygiene!

lmao what is that noise they had to wake yoongi up for this

tae did a REALLY good job in that chorus wow

oh rap line in the chorus no wonder i like this

28. Dynamite

this is the song that got me into bts and it’s a bop! and i think a lot of people have problems with the lyrics because they’re ridiculous but dare i say i like them more than butter’s? it’s just a silly little song and it makes me happy sometimes. jungkook does like milk, lebron does jump high, king kong does exist, that’s three facts in one song what more can you want? and i’ll give bts the benefit of the doubt on this one because it was the first all english group song (that i know of?). maybe it WAS just a gift to armies all around the world because times were tough and english is a widely understood language and not an obvious cash grab like ptd or...

notes

cup of milk let’s fuckin rock and roll!!!

i like jk’s voice when he says kong and stone

this beat cha ching like money! huh!

the autotune here is bad too ngl

namjoon i’m sorry you had to say that in a megaphone but i kinda love it

🎵 its called 4 on the floor! a beat you can’t ignore! 🎵

27. Butter

okay first of all you cannot call me a butter hater exhibit a my 2021 spotify wrapped:

i listened to regular butter (#1) ALONE 724 times...i just really wanted it to stay #1 on billboard lol but i kind of was addicted to the song too. i didn’t get really tired of it the whole 10 weeks straight i was listening to it (between other bts songs...i’m not crazy). and i love that it showed bts being confident about themselves because i worry about that sometimes...some of them have anxiety and body image stuff so seeing them like this like oh yeah i’m hot shit again made me really happy. that said, you know, this was definitely a cash grab and the song itself feels very thrown together (unlike dynamite which was basic but seemed to be more ~sonically cohesive~) so i can only rank it so high

notes

b-b-b-buttah motherfuckah!!!

woo!

break it down!

i remember when this song first came out i was so confused? idk it all just happened so fast

fresh boy or doom boy namjoon which one is it

oh hobi’s part is the BEST part whenever there is party to bring he BRINGS IT

WE DON’T STOP!

OH MY GOD!

26. Airplane pt. 2

sequels will never match up with the original and with an original like airplane by j-hope that is a BIG hangar to fill. not that i spend all of my time listening to this song comparing it to airplane pt. 1 lol. it’s a bop for sure, but similar to save me i think it fades easily into the background. the performance with the microphones takes it over the top but i’m not counting that here. ummmm don’t tell natalia’s mom i need to stay on her good side

notes

i’m in a detective film

the HIGH NOTES! JIN!!!!! i think

i forget what the dance was for this actually but i hope they shake their hips a lot

again hobi’s rap is the best but it’s literally the same as part 1 you know???

IDUNNOIDUNNOIDUNNOIDUNNO! IDUNNOIDUNNOIDUNNOIDUNNOOOO! IDUNNOIDUNNOIDUNNOIDUNNO!

[unnecessary sexy sighing]

25. ON

getting to my biggest LET ME EXPLAIN moments. a lot of this will be the same as what i say about black swan, i don’t think these songs are meant to stand alone. they don’t sound BAD alone, but they were meant to be performed. it’s true of so many kpop songs but when you take away the performance these songs in particular (compared to other bts songs) just don’t hit nearly the same. i think a part of that might just be the way they were mixed/mastered and what the streaming platforms did to the volume when they were distributed (i am completely pretending to know anything about this). not sure if this is fair to use as a factor because the song itself is still so good, but this is a problem i have with songs from other artists too where they sound so good with speakers but then with your headphones it’s just...disappointing. ON in particular sounds a bit quiet and almost restricted in my headphones, while other bts songs sound a lot louder and fuller at the same volume. like when you watch ON being performed, you are ON the battlefield WITH the marching band watching them fight and it’s incredible. when you’re listening to ON alone on your headphones you are watching a war movie with bts as actors and half of them aren’t great actors and no one knows how to use the weapon they’re holding except yoongi. it’s like watching the ON cinematic music video when you could be watching the kinetic manifesto dance performance. it will just never compare

notes

i can’t understand what people are sayin! no way me too

no i will not look at your feet namjoon i have seen enough

whatever else namjoon is saying i love it

okay it’s a little better than watching a war movie it’s like watching a high school marching band youtube video

edgelords

hobi and yoongi’s echo things and sound effects are the best part of this thing

ooh yeah oh eh eh oh oh eh uh huh uh huh doo doo doo

YA YA YA YA! YA YA YA YA! YA YA YA YA! YA YA YA YA! YA YA YA YA!

WIN NO! MATTER! WHAT! winnomatterwhatwinnomatterwhat nega mwoladeon nuga mwoladeon i don’t give a uh i don’t give a uh i don’t give a UH! YEAH!

jimin will you be my roommate though for real i need one

like jk’s high notes are not nearly as dramatic without him standing alone on the stage crouching in pain with a band behind him it’s just not the same

like i’m tapping my foot i just don’t feel the energy

24. Black Swan

i think i made my point with ON but i will just add here that it makes more sense for black swan to not hit in general just because the whole point of the song is like losing passion for music. and it’s not *just* an r&b pop dance song like i think the orchestral elements and the vocal distortions make it super unique. but without the performance, again, it just doesn’t hit the same at all. musically this song is like edging to me. it kind of builds and then goes steady and you’re waiting for it to flourish but then it doesn’t, it just goes “do your thang” and i’m just like dudes what does that even mean. i don’t know what your thing is either. and again maybe that goes with the meaning of the song but i’m just never satisfied unless i’m watching the music video or a dance performance. so that’s why this masterpiece is here on the list

notes

this song is really fucking cool i mean it

the bass is full i appreciate that

bump bump bump! jump jump jump!

yeah yeah yeah! killin me now! killin me now! do you hear me yeah!

hobi’s part is really good

driving to the studio!

ba da NA NA!

this should’ve been a hit

23. Stay Gold

this song was an early fave of mine, i have fun memories of listening to this in my roommate’s car as they were first introducing me to bts. but it got old real fast so i haven’t listened to it much since 2020. but listening to it again after a while...it’s a good song...the best part of it BY FAR is jimin when he sings the japanese part in the chorus because holy shit is that not the cutest thing you’ve ever heard in your entire life??? wtf????? if he did that for the whole song it would probably be higher on this list lol

notes

i’m sorry i will never hear the beginning of this song normally ever since that meme lmao

tae is really good in that pre-chorus

they really BELT out that chorus you go vocal line

honestly pissed they only had jimin do the japanese chorus once i have tears in my eyes

jin said “i’ll steal your heart” and i didn’t even believe him but then he did it :(

oooooh those high notes! so pretty!

22. Dope

okay i love this song but it does fall into the “why are you yelling???” category. i think what throws me off is the musical break after chorus. whatever that instrument is reminds me too much of another 2010s song i didn’t like and i just can’t always get with it. i’ll jam to it with other people but not really when i’m alone. lots to make fun of though which i really appreciate!

notes

AYO LADIES AND GENTLEMEEEEEEEEN (say this in a really annoying baby voice)

DOPE! DOPE! DOPE!

JJEO JJEORO!!!

i don’t wanna say yes!

🎵 some words just go together like higher desire and fire 🎵

those beats in namjoon’s part really hit

ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY!

ENERGY ENERGY ENERGY!

the fact that namjoon said “can i get a little bit of hope?” and hobi’s part wasn’t right after...wtf....

bangtan style lmao

hustle liiiiiiiife!!!

[baby voice] I GOTTA MAKE IT RIIIIIGHT BABY

OW!

21. Fire

thoughts are pretty similar to dope even though they literally tell us why they’re yelling. a bass boosted version of this was my “GET THE FUCK UP BITCH” alarm for a short time so i think it also gives me horrible flashbacks that probably affected the ranking. but it’s a jam for sure!!!

notes

like those first notes bass boosted...imagine that waking you up...it’s scary

this instrumental is honestly ridiculous

when i wake up in my rrrOOOOM

say la la la la la! (la la la la la) say la la la la la! (la la la la la)

(bultaoreune)

BOW WOW WOW

hey........................................burn it up

fiyah!

need! to burn! it down! OW!

HA! HA! HA HA! HOTTER (i always thought they were just laughing aggressively oops)

20. War of Hormone

i am CACKLING every time at jk singing “yes i’m a bad boy so i like bad girls” i love it so much. also s/o to tae for giving his ALL to “TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT NOW...IMMA GIVE IT TO YOU GIRL RIGHT NOW” because that probably did a number on his voice. he did so much for us 🥲

the beginning is hilarious i can’t believe they had the mario coin and power up noises too they did that for ME!!!

so aGGRESSIVE namjoon

I’LL be your FAN!

YES i’m a bad boy SO i like BAD girls

hello hello (what) hello hello (what) tell me what you want right NOW!

hello hello (what) hello hello (what) imma give it to you girl right NOW!

say that in a baby voice too

i like the guitar a lot

eh heh! eh heh! eh eh eh hu yeeeeeeeah!!!!!

19. Danger

this song is just so dramatic and hilarious i always love listening to it. also the most important thing i have to say about this song is i am SHOCKED there isn’t a pokemon parody for this in which jimin says “you gotta catch em all” right before the chorus because that’s what i sing every time i cannot be the only person who does that

notes

yeeeeeEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

(in a baby voice) YOU’RE IN DANGER

YOU’RE IN DANGER

YOU’RE IN DANGER

YOU’RE IN DANGER

i’m SICK!

DEONG DEONG DIGIDEONGDEONG

MICHIL GEOT GATAAAAA HOOOOOO

YOU GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!!!

you gotta make fun of jk trying to be sexy in the chorus with the UH!

tae really just let it all out in this song thanks for that buddy

BEEP BEEP!

rap line is so good. why are they so good. who approved of that

oh also sing jimin’s part in the chorus with a baby voice

18. Just One Day

ahhhh....this reminds me of chill car rides as well. i love this song, it’s cute, it’s catchy, it’s fun to “sing” along to, it’s nostalgic, it’s a specific genre of bts songs where i think this (and maybe for you) are the only singles, but it’s my comfort genre. i love it dearly

notes

[namjoon sexy voice] yeah...just one day...one night

[deep inhale]

YA!

the SOUND EFFECTS! BEST PART. so silly i love

when the chorus goes do it! do it! do it! i feel like they’re poking me

hobi brought the party you didn’t have to ask him he just did it

can you please stay with me 🥺

17. Run

run is another one of my early faves. i remember when my old roommate first showed me their music videos this was one of the videos and songs i remembered liking a lot, probably the best at the time. maybe it was the most similar to music i was already listening to. but yeah, it’s a big banger as you know

notes

the GUITAR!

dasi run! run! run!

jimin in the chorus he’s singing his little heart out!

(in the most baby emo voice you can muster) don’t tell me bye bye! you make me cry cry! love is a lie lie! don’t tell me! don’t tell me! don’t tell me bwye bwye!

hobi’s rap is really good wow

ooooh whoooooo oooooooh ahhhhhhh

the bridge is really good like that is a quality bridge do you know how hard that is to come by

16. Heartbeat

this placement is a bit of a surprise to me because a couple months ago this was really low in my ranking. i blame sarah <3 but i think the main reason behind that was, again, me having no patience to let music build. but when you let it get to at least hobi’s part it is SO beautiful. it may still grow on me yet, stay tuned

notes

jk solo low notes oh woooooooow

🎵 some words just go together like higher desire and fire 🎵

jimin i love you you don’t have to wish for it <3

you give me a new BIRTH

HOBI!!!

this is a fist pumper when you get to the 2nd chorus

JIMIN’S HIGH NOTES

JIN’S HIGH NOTES

when the GUITAR gets going oh yes

tae singing high is also so beautiful there’s something special about it

15. I NEED U

okay so this is another banger but what sets this above some of the others is the silly boy band dance i do to this song which isn’t supposed to count but still

notes

fall (everything) fall (everything) fall (everything)

AH!

hobi’s part is so good

but you are everything! everything! everything!

mianhae (i HATE YOU!) saranghae (i HATE YOU!) yongseohae (shit)

and then the dance move

it goes round and round! i go down and down!

jungkook you don’t need a girl could you even look her in the eye at this point?

I NEED YOU GIRL!

another excellent bridge

14. Blood Sweat & Tears

fantastic song ABSOLUTELY no question like this song is great the whole time there are no dull parts i listened to it 10 times in the last week so i should know. not even thinking about the performance!

notes

starts out good and just doesn’t stop wow

peaches and cream sweeter than sweet chocolate cheeks and chocolate wings

“kiss me” if you insist hobi!!!

hobi doing most of the chorus is actually the best idea they’ve ever had

kiss me on the lips IF YOU INSIST YOONGI

oh my god jimin’s about to do some insane high notes

OW!

13. Fake Love

listen. this song is amazing incredible show stopping never been done before never the same totally unique etc. BUT. it was not meant to sound like it does. the rocking vibe mix is a step in the right direction but ultimately this was the final answer. i consider this the official version. we all know they were emo kids it just makes sense

notes

[screaming] FAKE LOVE! FAKE LOVE! FAKE LOVE!

i wanna be a GOOD MAN! (just for you)

now i don’t KNOW ME! (who are you?)

HOBI’S PART

LOVE YOU SO BAD! LOVE YOU SO BAD! drink some water sweetie

why you SAD? i don’t know. nan molla

YOONGI’S PART

oooooh i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know why

outro as intro <3 they do that a lot haha

12. IDOL

what’s fun about this song is i forget how much i love it all the time for some reason. and then it comes on and i’m like holy shit this is so good how unexpected??? also that whistle noise in the background throughout basically the entire song scratches an itch i never even knew i had. great song, one of their best for sure

notes

the BEAT in the beginning

can call me artist! can call me idol!

i don’t! care!!

i’m proud of it! no more irony!

god this song is so fun

i KNOW what i am! i KNOW what i want! i ain’t EVER gonna change! i ain’t EVER gonna trade! CHOO CHOO!

YOU CAN’T STOP ME LOVIN MYSELF!

WOOHOO!!!

AYY!

spotlight eh ! superhero goddamn! anpanman!

I LOVE MYSELF!

RUNNING MAN RUNNING MAN RUNNING MAN! BRRRP!

and the whistle do you hear it in the chorus it’s in the left ear i think it’s like a sports whistle but melodic

AYY!

11. DNA

okay so i have history with this song as well because if i remember correctly this is the first bts song i ever heard. and i didn’t really like it at first because it reminded me too much of other popular songs on the radio at that time that i didn’t like. but over the past few years and with distance from those kinds of songs i’ve grown to really love this one. tae starting the song out is a real treat because i think he rarely starts out the big songs and his voice sets a really cool vibe. also s/o to the one of my favorite misheard bts lyrics of all time “PUT YOUR ASS ON ME!”

notes

lmao the put your ass on me line might have something to do with god and fate that makes it even funnier like this wasn’t random chance you were DESTINED to put your ass on me. tragically beautiful

TAKE IT! TAKE IT! 😳

this love! REAL LOVE!

DNA! TRUE LOVERS!

my notes really are just any english sounding words i hear sorry

OH YEAH!

i love the shouting in the chorus. i love shouting

whose voice is the really low dna

space noises!

yeongwonhi! yeongwonhi! yeongwonhi! yeongwonhi!

screw the lightbulb

la lai la la la! la lai la la la!

10. Lights

first of all side note why are bts japanese songs so freaking good and give me so much emotion? why didn’t they do this with the english songs. this song is so sweet and beautiful and we again get jk starting out in his lower register which is GORGEOUS and then jimin once again singing in the cutest voice ever why was he designed to make me cry. anyway. love the song and the video doesn’t count but it might actually be my favorite bts video ever

notes

low jk solo sorry idk why i’m obsessed with this now

JIMIN 😭

WHOA HO HO HO

SING IT

every time i’m thinkin bout love every time i’m thinkin bout love! eh!

the build up to the chorus i love it i love it so much

vocal line stop making me feel things

i’m your liiiight! i’m your liiiiight!

oh this song is long i forgot

i’m BREAKIN DOWN (same)

JIMIN 😭 

EVERYONE 😭

this is one of their best songs seriously i probably ranked it too low

9.  Epilogue: Young Forever

i am not always in the mood for this song just because again i have little patience to let things build but when you get to yoongi and hobi just fucking screaming their parts i ascend to another plane of existence. it’s not even necessarily the song, it’s the PASSION i feel when i hear it that makes me love it. and again you have rap line in the chorus you simply cannot fail with that

notes

[jk voice] YOONGAYYYY!!!!!!!

HOBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHILLS!

i’m drinking sake out of a solo cup because i’m forever young

the drama! the passion! you’re gonna love the arts in philadelphia!

jimin got this tattooed

and the way it slows down and becomes kinda solemn at the end i’m gonna cry

🎵 gang vocals here we come! 🎵 😭

8. No More Dream

a classic of course of COURSE!!! again rap line in the chorus can’t go wrong. also this has definitely happened in songs before this one in the list but i love when rap line, usually yoongi, just has one random high pitched word when they’re rapping something (i want a big house big cars and big rings but  sasireun I don't have any BIG dreams) like it’s my favorite thing ever i don’t know why. and they’ve been on their follow your dreams bullshit since day 1 god i love them

notes

the BASS LINE

namJOOOOOOOOOOON

the school bell lmao

whatever hobi’s saying i love it

GEeee

STOP!

SUCH A LIAR!

la la la la la!

they’re just growling at me it’s the best

was the gunshot thematic

this seriously went so hard

please tell me how everything i’m doing is wrong i respond to that

yeah yeah! OW!

okay those gunshots were def not thematic :/

to all the youngsters without dreams aha xx

7. N.O.

okay with this song i’ve blocked out the mv completely :) and the ONE concert performance with that fucking GUITAR RIFF is literally like an engine revving up in my chest. the performance doesn’t count but too late it’s a part of meeee!!! and you gotta do that little steering wheel move for JOHEUN CHAAAA!!! the other fun thing to do is during the chorus when they’re like everybody say NO!!! you do the little echo no! and andwae! in a baby voice. baby voice never gets old to me sorry. and talking about youth issues no one else was talking about! they are icons for a reason!!!

notes

B T S

JOHEUN JIB! JOHEUN CHA!!!!

i guess this song is also supposed to be a revolution but it doesn’t stress me like not today idk why

everybody say NO! (no!)

we roll....we roll....we roll!!!

rrrrrrRRRRAH!

huh?! HUH???!!!

lmao there is so much going on in that last 30 seconds or so

6. Boy With Luv (barely feat. Halsey)

i think this was the second bts song i ever listened to intentionally, so again there is history, i was too jaded to like it the first time i heard it but when i was in a better mindset first getting into bts i really enjoyed it! jimin asking me how my day was and texting me i am giggling and kicking my feet just thinking about it. such a cute fun song and it being a more feminist version of boy in luv????? which still ranks higher on my list but pls ignore that for a sec finally please watch this video the choreography just works way too well

notes

doing the fan chant in my head sorry

vocal line finally figured out how to sound a little bit sexy without trying too hard it turns out the secret was feminism

ohh...............................bae

someone...please......come be his teacher......................

the instrumental is cool like someone called it kitschy once i agree if that’s not an insult

i love yoongi’s part

ay ay! ay ay! HOPE WORLD!

and hobi’s part

oh nooo! oh nooo! nooo way! nooo way! boy with luuuv!

oh whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh

i WANT it!

namjoon’s part too all of rap line

yeah? sigh

let me flyyyyy

5. Mic Drop

mic drop is definitely meant to be performed but the difference for me between this and ON/black swan is the song still stands well on its own. it’s definitely better with the performance but i still listen to it by itself and i’m happy. and it’s just good the whole time. aside from the slow part but i’ll tell you my secret on getting past that. when namjoon’s doing his dramatic speech you gotta hype jin up. hype that part up like it’s literally the best part of that song coming up, like that dance doesn’t look completely ridiculous, and it will eventually be one of your favorite parts of the song

notes

okay i do picture hobi dancing in my head during this intro i can’t help it

yeah?

world business! bang bang! clap clap! magic! mic mic bungee!

i’m fine sorry! mianhae eomma!

i do it! i do it!

ooooh highlight of this song is when they echo “hella sick” like barking chihuahuas

baby watch your mouth (mouth!) it comes back around (round!) once upon a time (time!) we know how to fly (fly!) go look at your mirror (same! damn! clothes!) you know how i feel? (gaehaengbok) turn UUUUUuuuuuuP how many hours til we fly (woooOOOOOooooo) i keep on dreamin on the cloud! YEAH I’M ON THE MOUNTAIN! YEAH I’M ON THE BAY! EVERY DAY WE VIBIN! mic drop BAM!

namjoon says mic drop so calmly and casually i’m gonna

haters gonna hate players gonna play (swift 2014) live your life man good luck

HERE WE GO HERE WE GO HERE WE FUCKING GO!!!

and ragdoll

bo! bo-bo bo bo-bo body roll! bo! bo-bo bo bo-bo body roll! (what do you mean those aren’t the lyrics)

thanks steve <3

4. We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2

dude this just goes so hard so fast and again i’ve blocked out the mv completely in favor of the ONE concert performance in which namjoon does his little sword fighty move with his jacket and the...sash? strap? one of those things. i can’t get it out of my head and i don’t want to. again. SO much to make fun of here it’s just everything i need in a bts song and more.

oh FUCK yes

WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!

HA! HA! WE ARE BULLETPROOF! HA! WASSUP! (wassup) BULLETPROOF

[baby voice] IREUMEUN JUNGKOOK! SEUKEIREUN JUNGKOOK!!!

the vocal inflections or whatever!!!

fuck it UP tae oh my GOD

[baby jimin voice] we go HARD! <-- name of my bts hype playlist lol

click click ! bang bang! (said in a baby voice)

we just sing it like (said in a nerd voice)

AND RAPPER MAN!

rap MONSTER!

IRIWA MIRI BWA! HA HA!

rrrrrrRRRRRRAH

jin sang this right after downing a glass of milk

again there is so much going on in this dance break outro lmao

3. Boy In Luv

this song hits EVERY fucking time. i don’t even remember the performance aside from jimin is there. it doesn’t matter. the song is so good and i don’t understand the words i don’t care. it’s got hip hop, it’s got rock, it’s catchy, you can make fun of it, it ticks all the boxes for me

notes

(for absolutely no reason) FIYAH!

oh tae is definitely also there

tae really messed up his voice for this song please have some respect

rrrRRRRAH!

hakuna matata! OH!

i love this whole goddamn thing

say “say what you want” in a baby voice also

car noises!

hold up!

i just ignore the meaning of the word oppa for this

yeah yeah yeeeeeeeAAAAAAAAAAH

jimin sing it bby!!!

2. Spring Day

this song was another early favorite of mine but i did get tired of it for a while because they kept performing it in 2020. but now that i’ve had some space i feel like i can fully appreciate it again. this song didn’t have to grow on me at all, i instantly liked it, tae’s “you know it all, your my best friend” deserves an oscar, i can’t even beLIEVE yoongi’s verse, and again! they are talking about this even while the government was (supposedly?) trying to downplay the whole tragedy. and this was AFTER they were getting successful, they had something to lose, but they did it anyway <3

1. Film Out

this probably seems a little random. i wasn’t in love with this song on the first listen, it definitely took a little for me to really get into it. my friends and i kept playing the music video on our big tv just because it was trippy and funny and when the song started getting stuck in my head it was all over. and vocal line SHINES in this one wow wow wow like especially the end with jimin and jin!! but we still have humor in namjoon’s part so this song is missing nothing. and then the INSTRUMENTAL. it sounded a bit strange to me when i first heard the song but now everything (the piano, the orchestra, the guitar) all come together so beautifully. and the LYRICS like at the end of the day it’s just some sad j-drama ost but it’s MY sad j-drama ost. i’ve never seen it though lol

notes

gorgeous

starts with just a little piano

piano builds

guitar comes in

harmonies

.........................................................................................ayy

beat comes in (”let the beat in”)

[clenches fist] ahhhhhhhh

making fun of namjoon in this song is my favorite past time sorry

and the la la la la las over sope’s rap <3 <3 <3

AND NOW THE ORCHESTRA

AND JIMIN!

AND JIN!

AND JIMIN AGAIN!

beat drops out

i’m a conductor now actually

to conclude:

i hate ptd

i love jimin

newfound love for jk’s lower register

tae really does put his whole pussy into it sometimes

chances are i love hobi’s part

[jk voice] yoooooonGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

namJOOOOOOOOON

jin was there...i love him i swear

sorry for all the pop 101 references

why yes i am absolutely insufferable at kpop night thanks for asking

so if you made it through this whole post let me know i’ll give you a gift of some kind idk what yet but lmk if you have any ideas

not tagging anyone because i don’t want to subject any more of my friends to reading this but if you see this and would like to do it please go for it and say i tagged you! i love to hear other people’s thoughts on bts songs, good or bad

[mariska]

here is a lil bit of fun fashion history i learned today and thought might be interesting to share;

so if u know me or have followed me p much anywhere online for the past few yrs especially u probably know i really do not like wearing a lot of modern style clothes (for the most part at least) and if i'm able to i prefer to get thrifted/pre-owned clothes from a whole bunch of different eras (also because Clothes Are Expensive and even if i did prefer modern styles i cant afford a lot of them normally unless huge sales are going on) but primarily my fav styles tend to be anywhere from like late 50's to mid 70's. i am disabled and have been my whole life and i only started being able to have any kind of income of my own in like late 2020 or early 2021 which means i have had a little bit more independence to find cool old clothes that i can afford and actually enjoy wearing, so thats been a huge positive change for me and my identity and getting to feel more like my Genuine Self by passing along clothes i can't or didn't want to wear now in my mid-20's to make room for fun vintage stuff i actually do want to wear.

lately i've been trying to find vintage nightgowns that are both clean/in good wearable condition and not expensive and a few days ago i happened to stumble onto a listing online for a super pretty light blue nylon nightgown in great pre-owned condition for $10 and was like oh my god thats awesome i need to get that; it came in the mail the other day and here's what it looks like:

(the lace is much more white irl, my house has very yellow tinted lighting and my bedroom walls are like the same color green as my comforter sheet here so it tends to make things look more yellow in pics than they actually are lmao)

its got super stretchy elastic around the bust & waist as u can see there so its pretty versatile with the fit and i am just in love with the general style and shape of it so much, very Edwardian Revival which i have a decent amount of in my closet cus i love old takes on even older fashion styles. so anyways i was folding it to put in my pj/nightgown drawer in my room and happened to notice it still had its' original tag on completely in tact on the inner lining near the bust/arm area and found one of my absolute favorite logos to find on vintage clothes tags:

Ladies Garment Union label!!! (International Ladies Garment Workers Union or ILGWU was a large clothing union group that made a lot of vintage clothes thru most of the 1900's and had a lot of different styled and colored tag logos like this on all their work over the decades), now there was not detailed info on the listing for this nightgown when i got it but the seller listed it as 70's era based on the style i assume, which i would've been fine with regardless of actual decade i just rly love comfy retro styles haha, but i was like yeah i can def see this being a 70's nightgown that checks out from my personal experience, but since i just noticed this label tonight i wanted to see if i could find a historical resource list of the different Union logos online because i have quite a few that look almost exactly like this specific tag and almost all of the other ones with it in my closet are from some time in the 60's.

so i found an awesome list with both info and example pictures of the Union tag logos throughout the decades from a site called sammydvintage and i was able to actually pin down the production date of this nightgown to less than a year of when it was made!!!

i know from my own experience that a lot of the 60's to early 70's era tags didn't have color printed on the logo yet so i was pretty sure it was from that general era and sure enough on the reference site i saw a pic of this same style logo with a timeline of 1964-1973; i was satisfied enough with that knowledge and was like yeah makes sense, this is probably early 70's towards the end of that.

NOPE! i read a little more on the page and it mentioned that the example picture on that site had a small (R) on the left side next to the logo, and that the R indicates the tag was printed after the Union trademarked the logo on April 21, 1964, so if you see a tag with that design but no little R, it was made *before* the logo was trademarked. sure enough, if you look at the pic i took of this gown's tag, there's no little R trademark next to the logo!

which means that, according to this site's information which seems very accurate and in-depth, this dress was made anywhere between June 28, 1963 (when the logo design changed from the previous version) to April 21, 1964. how cool is that!?!? i've never been able to ID such a specific less than a year date for a piece of vintage clothing i own before, and i was like 10 years off with my original guess lol!

it would be much more difficult to pin it down further obviously but knowing that new info, if i had to make an updated guess, i'd say this was probably either a Spring (of '64) or Fall/Autumn (of '63) fashion release since it's long and has sleeves but they aren't full-length sleeves and the nylon material is comfy but pretty thin for winter night-wear (it definitely could be though of course, i wouldn't be surprised if this was originally part of a multi-piece set that may have included a similar looking robe, sheer cape, or 'house coat' layer to wear over it since sleepwear sets like that were a very popular thing in 60's nightgown fashion)

i also thought it was cool in that '63-'64 was around the general era of this Edwardian/Victorian/Medieval Regal revival type trend having its early start which eventually helped popularize the style going into the remainder of the 60's and even further into the 70's with the eventual rise in popularity of brands like Gunne-Sax which has kind of become a cult classic icon of 70's 'cottagecore', 'prairie', 'medieval/regal' revival dresses from that era. that '63-'64 date timeline also makes complete sense in a more widespread pop culture way that i can't un-see now that i know when it was made; the 1965 movie version of The Sound Of Music was one of many popular pieces of media from that time that contributed heavily to the general popularization of this mod regal revival dress style, and if you changed the poofiness of the sleeves and lowered the length of my blue nightgown here, it has SUCH a similar silhouette structure to Liesl's "gazebo" dress from the '16 going on 17' music number from that movie:

(bonus Fun Fact Within A Fun Fact: Mitski drew inspiration from that dress when she was working with the costume designers/creators for her 2022 tour outfits and had them made in 4 different colors all together, i believe. its a very good dress 💜)

anyways!!! i just wanted to share this fun deep dive into vintage fashion i unintentionally went on tonight because i am so excited to have learned so much information from such a random nightgown thrifting find. i have a huge special interest not only in the history of vintage fashion/trends/pop culture but also archiving that history and investigating the origins/influences of seemingly mundane bits of every day life in the past so this was such an awesome and exciting discovery to me! definitely makes me want to take out my other clothes with the various Union tags still on them and see if i can narrow down more detailed years for those pieces too 🥰

[baekhvuns]

Omggg, Baeksy IT'S MEEEE DV ANON! 💖💖💖💖 I fell off the face of the earth, but I have returned. I see you haven't been very active on here either, but what did I miss, how are things, fill me in!? Except the obvious misery... I meant to message you a few times and actually sent an ask a few months ago, but shit glitched and it didn't go through so I gave up 😭 but the news about Lewis made me think of you. Lmao one of my friend's is in shambles she'll have to support Ferrari after years of hating on them. Been there, done that I remember when I got into Griezmann just to find out he played for Atletico then he went to Barca, ahhsajhshsjdhsjaj man hates me so much!!! Or when Fabregas left Arsenal for Barca etc....

A lot happened to me, but nothing much had changed at the same time, hopefully 2024 will be a bit better. 😬

In the meantime I went to the US for some reason, lol, I also went to Vancouver and actually wanted to message you then, but forgot... then I spent some time in Thailand and Korea. Now I'm back in London, but going to Seoul next week for a few months, because of a job. Which I'm kinda excited for, but also not really ashdhsshshshhsn. Potentially I may move there for longer, but we will see...

As for kpop I'm kinda in and out you know? I actually got into some other artists, so I'm not really up to date with Ateez anymore, it's pretty sad, but they don't really bring me joy anymore. I still love Hwa and check on him from time to time, I miss my hardcore Shinestar era :( but it lasted really long so I'm surprised. Maybe I'll be back one day, unfortunately Ateez's recent releases just don't hit and I'm sick and fucking tired of KQ :/ Buuuuut I've been on the roll with kpop concerts, so I feel like I'm more of an irl kpop enjoyer rather than online one if that makes sense.

That's it for my TMI for now <3

WHAT THE FUCK

Omggg, Baeksy IT'S MEEEE DV ANON! 💖💖💖💖 I fell off the face of the earth, but I have returned. I see you haven't been very active on here either, but what did I miss, how are things, fill me in!? Except the obvious misery... I meant to message you a few times and actually sent an ask a few months ago, but shit glitched and it didn't go through so I gave up 😭 but the news about Lewis made me think of you. Lmao one of my friend's is in shambles she'll have to support Ferrari after years of hating on them. Been there, done that I remember when I got into Griezmann just to find out he played for Atletico then he went to Barca, ahhsajhshsjdhsjaj man hates me so much!!! Or when Fabregas left Arsenal for Barca etc....

I JUST LET A SCREAM OUT

WHAT THE FUCK WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

I AM. FBQKDBWMDBWKDHWK SCREAMING. I THOUGHT YOUD ACTUALLY NEVER COME BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THE WAY I SAW YOUR ASK AND HAD TO REFRESH BECAUSE NO MF WAY

hOW are you omg??? HOW ARE YOU! how was it been, WHERE have you been 😭😭 how was your travels!! things here are plain boring! in and out of kpop and trying to write something </3 you left for so long that im nearing my graduation this is ridiculous kvjvkckc i also re watched a bunch of 2000’s romcoms and kept thinking of u 😭

omg the lewis news, i woke up to it and it fucked with my mind a bit. like wdym he’s going ferarri? this is like messi going madrid and ronaldo going to barca??? LMFAOOOO YOUR FRIEND HAS TO FORCE HERSELF TO FORZA FERARRI EVERY WEEKEND im so excited but confused for his move, it’s time ferrari brings back the black fireproof just for ham. the mercedes must’ve been absolute shit for him to be sign it with ferrari & earn 100 million? FUCK?

this move is so iconic i can’t fully grasp it,,, anon u have to see him at silvertone in that red car in 2025 PLEASE I BEG! griezmann really said uno reverse on you 😭 & hello klopp is leaving ??? 10 years really coming to and end huh 😭

A lot happened to me, but nothing much had changed at the same time, hopefully 2024 will be a bit better. 😬

we need a ppt doc, pdf, of how things went for you! how was your travels and everything!!! hopping 2024 is good for u and u earn lots <3 i heard it’s a capricorn year so??? 🫡

In the meantime I went to the US for some reason, lol, I also went to Vancouver and actually wanted to message you then, but forgot... then I spent some time in Thailand and Korea. Now I'm back in London, but going to Seoul next week for a few months, because of a job. Which I'm kinda excited for, but also not really ashdhsshshshhsn. Potentially I may move there for longer, but we will see...

you went where.

vancouver.

oh.

and you forgot to text me about it.

how dare you.

for all i know. we would’ve crossed paths unknowingly.

wow. i just paced around my room after reading this.

anon omg you should see the devastation on my face when you said you came here HOW DARE YOU! TRAITOR 🔫 WOW IM SO WORKED UP RN HOW DARE YOU BDQKDKWBDKABDDN WHERE DID U GO IN VAN

oooo a new job in sk?? that is so cool, now u can see yuta on the streets often 😭😭 hope you have a good time there!!!

As for kpop I'm kinda in and out you know? I actually got into some other artists, so I'm not really up to date with Ateez anymore, it's pretty sad, but they don't really bring me joy anymore. I still love Hwa and check on him from time to time, I miss my hardcore Shinestar era :( but it lasted really long so I'm surprised. Maybe I'll be back one day, unfortunately Ateez's recent releases just don't hit and I'm sick and fucking tired of KQ :/ Buuuuut I've been on the roll with kpop concerts, so I feel like I'm more of an irl kpop enjoyer rather than online one if that makes sense. /// That's it for my TMI for now <3

i actually kind of second this,, ive also been in and out of it. song releases just don’t hit anymore from everyone, so my interest is fading. i also miss being a shinestar but i think i got out of it, i just have no interest in it anymore (actually had a small ick that made me go insane but it’s okay now) 😭😭 did/currently going thru a soft yunho phase but like you i haven’t been keeping up with them neither do they show up on my tl often! but concerts are something ill be attending! yeah it totally makes sense! i think a lot the in and out also has to do with the lack of interesting music or just good music in general. WHICH CONCERTS DID YOU GO TOOO?

also anon, i know you said u came here but didn’t shoot me a text about it 🔫 im fortunately and hopefully going for a field school in your england in the coming next year! where i WILL shoot a text unlike someone here 🧍🏻‍♀️ill be going to england first and hopefully touring around europe for a bit! & ill def ask u for places to go to as a first timer!

[set-in-stardust]

BMan!! I hope ur doing ok I'm so sorry i would've screamed here sooner if it weren't 4 the Horrors. Im in sneak 100 mode rn so i got time. Ok ok, so u said it was 1900s au in the tag over on ao3, is it like historically with like wars or aesthetically like with the settings and architecture and fashion? Also where does scar get his trinkets and stuff ? I've been L👀king at this silly little man for a while but after the pearls spoke my curiosity blew up more. How long has grian known mumbo and scar here, in this life. How did he meet them? Does scar know about the past life dream thingys, has he been holding back all his feelings and knowledge this whole time?!! OOOUGH ur au is haunting my brain bman is such a good concept fr!! -🪹

HI!! i am doing Alright I have also been experiencing some Horrors, so that's why it's taken so long to answer this!! sorry!! also, im just gonna separate this by questions u asked cuz this is gonna get RAMBLY

is it like historically with like wars or aesthetically like with the settings and architecture and fashion?

it's mostly architecture and fashion! it's meant to take the technology of the era, the style, and some of the social norms of the time. it's also set in the UK, which makes Scar stick out even more :)

Also where does scar get his trinkets and stuff ?

Scar's day job is something like an interior decorator, so he likes to "help" his clients get rid of their "ugly" things by offering to take them off their hands a lot. he also just. does a lot of pawning and trading in his free time. the decorating is his job, but the scamming is just a passion project and an excuse to see a certain someone

How long has grian known mumbo and scar here, in this life. How did he meet them?

(doing both of these in one) In this life, Grian met Mumbo when he showed up and started his little fix-em-up operation across the street a couple months ago, and he's known Scar for about two years now since he started his own little antiquing business and Scar started coming into the shop to try and pawn off junk. Grian thought Mumbo was charming, if not a bit odd, and brought him a few old parts and pieces of some machines he's found just as a welcome gift. Mumbo didn't seem to recognize any of them, but hey! neither did he, so he figured they were just a little past their time.

Does scar know about the past life dream thingys, has he been holding back all his feelings and knowledge this whole time?!!

don't know if i can answer this right now, but he doesn't... know about the dreams, per say, but he has been holding some things back. that's all I'll say, for now.

ANYWAYS wonderful hearing from you!!!!!! i've had to take a bit of a break from working on VDA for now because i'm getting ready to graduate and move out and blah blah blah,,, but i think i'll have some time to keep going here soon enough!! this story,,, ough im not giving up on it im too invested in my own goddamn plotline

[rniyer-musings]

The Future is Today!

(Article for The Hindu's Friday Review, published Dec 17th 2021)

Anxiety about the future, fuelled by a familiarity with the present and nostalgia about the past, is a favourite parlour game in the classical arts fraternity, especially Carnatic music. In politics there was the anxious refrain of “after Gandhi, who?” In sport it used to be “after Gavaskar, who?” or “after Pele, who?” Yet succeeding generations have unfailingly thrown up personalities who have equalled or scaled even greater heights than their illustrious forebears and left an indelible mark on history.

But then where would we be - that too in the thick of yet another Covid-tainted Margazhi - without a bit of nostalgia, a bit of anxiety and a healthy dose of optimism about what the future holds? Contemporary public memory about Carnatic music generally tends to start with the era of recorded live concerts, which means the generation of Ariyakudi Ramanuja Iyengar, Maharajapuram Viswanatha Iyer & Musiri Subramania Iyer. Old-timers from that era still harp on their musical facets and the individual quirks which made each of them so distinctive. Yet, as great as these giants were, the generation that succeeded them is generally accepted to be the one that marked the Golden Era of Carnatic Music as we know it today. An era dominated by the likes of Semmangudi, GN Balasubramaniam & Madurai Mani Iyer more importantly saw the rise of female superstars in the hallowed trinity of DK Pattammal, MS Subbulakshmi & ML Vasanthakumari. It was also the era of bold pathbreakers like Balamuralikrishna, staunch aesthetic stalwarts such as Brinda-Mukta and instrument wizards like TR Mahalingam, TN Rajarathinam Pillai and Palakkad Mani Iyer. Towards the late eighties and early nineties, as this golden generation walked gently into a sunset, there was a lull marked by justifiable worry in the music fraternity about the future of the art and who would hold the torch aloft. 

But the last twenty or so years have taught us that another brilliant generation that made its debut in the early to mid-eighties not only held that torch aloft but was instrumental (pun intended) in the explosive worldwide growth and popularity of the art. Combined with the easing of intercontinental travel and a tectonic shift in telecommunication technologies, this generation comprising the likes of Santhanagopalan, Vijay Siva, Sowmya, Sanjay & Bombay Jayashri was able to intelligently bridge distances and geographic boundaries both for performance as well as teaching. Geniuses such as U Shrinivas, Ravikiran, Shashank and Ganesh-Kumaresh blazed a magnificent worldwide trail, taking our music to ever more exotic locations, transcending the language barrier with sheer instrumental melody!

All this brings us inevitably to today – the here & now – when we wonder what will happen to the art tomorrow in an age of ever-shrinking attention spans and newer technologies that bring the art literally to our finger tips the instant we demand it. Will today’s artists be able to communicate and sustain the sanctity, the nuances and the intent of the great composers as effectively as their predecessors? Essentially, is the art in safe hands? The answer to this query has to be a resounding, optimistic “Yes” if one simply goes by the hard evidence, even if only of the past few years. Let me relate one sample of that evidence with more than a little bit of personal pride: about ten years ago a festival titled Voices of Tomorrow was staged under the auspices of my portal The ARTery, with the support of this newspaper. The idea was to encourage some of the budding talent of the day by giving them a prime concert opportunity with seasoned accompanists at a noted venue. It was also one of the earliest events to feature live YouTube streaming, which at that time was still a costly novelty! And who were some of those promising names? Bharat Sundar, Ramakrishnan Murthy, Ashwath Narayanan, Aishwarya Vidya Raghunath, Sriranjani Santhanagopalan, Vidya Kalyanaraman and a bunch of others, all of whom have become prime time performers today. 

They are doing an admirable job upholding the flag of a very traditional and rule-bound art form even when buffeted by winds of change and the pressure to be “modern” or “chic”. However, the flip side is that the field is crowded with an exploding number of talented performers and an even younger bunch constantly knocking the doors of public attention and stardom. So how do sabhas and artists preserve and highlight artistic authenticity and originality? For the artist, it is essential to work on and develop individual strengths to find a niche that resonates in the listener’s consciousness and makes one stand out in a sea of faces, sounds and expressions that bombard us day and night in this technological tsunami. That is the lasting lesson handed down to us by the golden generation.

For the sabhas, much-maligned as they are, seizing on the clues and acting on them to secure the future is a huge responsibility. They still remain the core talent-spotting mechanism for Carnatic music and Bharatanatyam. One can hope that once the pandemic recedes and corporate support for art returns to its old robust level, sabhas will prioritize talent over box-office viability when deciding whom to feature. The lesson to be learnt is that at any given point of time, the present holds the lead. The future is today, right here, and in safe hands!

(The author is a Chennai-based arts presenter, photographer and technology enthusiast)