#im just. kinda tired of it tbqh

[fastidious-and-a-mess]

hey guys. btw. cause it seems like some people (especially in the game changer tag) are maybe forgetting. um. brennan isn’t actually the main character of dropout. or game changer. there are other people on the shows too, actually.

[edit: this is the least complete version of this post, please look in the notes for actual discussion lmao]

[shipsational]

🛏️ ⏰ 🌧️

since you didnt specify a ship, i put all those lil bitches in a randomizer wheel and got the rat man himself Gregory so thats who're we're going with lol

🛌 How late does your F/O stay up? Who goes to bed first?

honestly i dont think ive ever actually seen him sleep- he always seems to be awake and manning the desk or wandering the halls at all hours when im wandering around myself- because of that i can confidentially say i go to bed first even with my own wildly fluctuating sleep schedule

⏰ Somehow, through magic, time travel, worm holes, or maybe just as a non cannon idea, you meet your F/O when they were a little kid. 8-12 ish range. What are they like? How do you interact with them?

well if his grandson james is anything to go by, he was probably a obnoxious terrible little brat (affectionate of course) he'd probably go out of his way to pull pranks and harass me tbqh, and dealing with his mom probably made him a trouble maker even as a kid i think we would fight, catch me throwing hands with a 10 year old lol

🌧 Not everything is perfect... So one day everything just seems to go wrong. Nothing is working out like you thought it would and people are rude. You come home angry and tired and however else a bad day makes you feel. How would your F/O comfort you, or make your day a little brighter?

so the thing about that is that living at the gregory house is. well thats just kinda what its like all the time, by design, and he's probably the cause of it in the first place, it's sort of his whole deal. thing about Me tho is a grew up in a super rough and volatile house anyway, so im not particularly phased by it, or at least i wont put up with it lol now if it got to a point where i was Genuinely upset about it, it depends- early on, upsetting me is the Goal, so he's pretty chuffed about it ngl later on when we're closer, he might put up a front of not being bothered about it, but eventually he'll apologize and baby me for a while- he makes even that come across as a little mocking but at this point i know him well enough to know its sincere but he's covering it up so as not to come across as too nice cause he's a bastard dont feel too bad tho, i probably playing up the hurt feelings for attention

[eirian]

whatever. vent post

im at one of those points where im just like...man. i dont feel fit for the workforce. i never have tbqh. and yet here i am having to work my ass off with my art barely making ends meet bc i dont have enough of a following to get regular commissions because im disabled and cant get a normie job and i cant just quit and get on disability because 1) it takes FOREVER to get approved for that shit so id be broke for months before i get approved OR EVEN STR8 UP DENIED, 2) even if i did get on disability id have a cap on my bank account so i wouldnt be able to afford anything outside of rent ever which whats the point of having money if i cant spend it on anything that makes me happy, and 3) it makes things 100x more complicated with money bc of all the reporting and limits and just. augh.

i feel so stuck and helpless ngl. like i kinda wanna die and all that. the feeling may pass and i'll be able to just bite the bullet and get back to work but im so tired. im so tired, guys. im tired of stressing out so much every month bc i dont know if im going to make rent or get evicted. i simply dont know what to do anymore

[heretic-saint-taliesin]

I don't know how hot of a take this is exactly but I think the whole "story is a retelling of x classic" premise is super tired and overdone and lowkey kinda uncreative.

I know that most fiction is derivative and that nothing is truly original anymore. There's nothing wrong with being inspired by things you've read either. But the deliberate "I am retelling x story word for word with one feature (usually gender) changed" is so boring to me. And tbqh it doesn't really achieve anything either.

Retellings of classical mythology with female focus tend to drastically misinterpret the myths in order to force their perspectives through. The retelling of Lord of the Flies with girls is so infantilising and weird about how girls would behave in a crisis (just no. If you swapped private school boys for private school girls it would be just as bloody. trust me) and now everyone's genderbending the musketeers?

Firstly someone's already published it within the last couple of years. Second of all what does swapping the genders actually add to things? Why not just write your own female musketeer story that isnt retelling the Dumas works word for word?

If you love the classics (and clearly you do!) then encourage folks to read the originals and enjoy them just as much as you did!

For clarification im not talking fanfic here. Fanfic can do the hell it likes. I mean physically published fiction.

Why not tell your own story?

[d1zzypaw]

im too tired to form actual thoughts so my head is just like. Screaming. Upset distressed energy just bouncing around up there. Upsetti spaghetti.

It’s actually kinda really terrible tbqh.

[grapecaseschoices]

U r honestly making me want to replay dao. I would love to know more about haldi if you ever feel comfortable with sharing. ❤️

Aeducan and Brosca are my favorite origins from dao. They're both really good in my opinion, especially aeducan. For elf, I also recomend female elf tabris origin, its really good, my third favorite origin. Cousland (human noble) is fine imo, but I liked Aeducan (noble dwarf) a lot more. Orzammar politics is just so intriguing and the family dynamics too! I know people love elven lore more, but dwarven dragon age lore to me is honestly so fascinating to me.

hehe. power to you bc it's getting better now, but i feel one must REALLY love the games to deal with the constant crashing. please share if you do!

ooo ty ima saved this bc i will forget! i def wanna do brosca and was pondering doing an elf but a mage elf, so i'll pause that and maybe do tabris after. is there a particular reason why female? and roflmao that's my feelings re: cousland tbqh, especially male cousland-- even tho i wanna give anora a go but it's like why couldnt i romance her with a male dwarf noble???

i man it is to me too tho i havent read through the codexes yet! but every tid bit i leearn from friends and fandom and the game is so intriguing.

oh man i do want to desscribe haldi but im so tired rn. i had this ask in my head and was like GONNA DO IT and got hit with a wave of tired.

i guess to keep it simple [though i may go into it at another date] is i want to keep a balance of the noble [as in n manner]/honor focused, with the kindness and compassionate, and the cunning balanced. i'm just stuck on how much. i feel i cant let her be TOO naive bc how else would she not only have made it alive for so long but how did she become second? [but that def could be part why bhelen betrayed her. trian was a tyrant but his baby sister was too kind!] i think people dont give her credit bc of those things for being as pratical as she is. like she leans more giving and feeling bad but she isn't without sense [most of the time lmao], she just wants to give people a chance. she cant help it i feel sometimes [how DID she survive. ima blame her mom. but i kinda like the idea of bhelen protecting that to his own expense until it's like what have i let grow?]

i feel like her practicality leads to her cunning. bc i feel she's cunning in the sense that she's astute and picks up on things rather quickly, she's not overly curious but she can ask question and wants to understand before acting [most of the time]. and i feel that's what lead her to the commander appointment. why she wouldve been a good one and is a good warrior -- not just her strong focus on pride and acting chivalrous or wte.

my other issue is figuriing how much she's changed and how much she shows. i dont want her like kendis [i feel i have too many conceal dont feel chars]. i feel she just doesnt see it lmao. how much it HURTS. bc it makes sense to her, this is how things are done. it makes sense bhelen saw a weakness in her and she lost, so she should die a warrior death [gorim got that out her head.] she lied to morrigan bc morrigan lied first [and not as a way to get back at her bc she is mad at herself and at morrigan for falling for it]. wynne is staying in camp so she doesnt exert herself [not for any strong reasons]. she isnt hurt her father didnt fight for her, she isnt angry about what bhelen di d [the reason she mentioned it to the gray wardens was SOLELY so they know where she stands/what happened. ]

so it's less 'wow i see this and ima hide it/pretend i dont see it' and more like 'what is this? this is useless *chucks it away* .... hey why does this keep coming back?' less suppression and dismissal and more obliviousness and dismissal.

this got so long lmao

[transgenderer]

I feel like we share a brain sometimes and i just wanted to say definitely try mdma it is great just get something for the jaw clenching cause it can be a real bitch. Also water unless you want to feel very hot and dry

Also the hangover isnt too bad if you dont overdo it unless youre like already depressed in which case you might feel like real shit tbqh. I mostly felt kinda emotionally numb/tired for a day or so tho

i GOTTA try MDMA. anyway i already drink a fuckton of water im gonna be so damn hydrated on mdma

[zorkaya-moved]

How open are you to talking out problems and getting them resolved?

@electricea​

anxious munday !

Unlike Tumblr’s beloved passive aggressiveness and inability to talk the problems out between each other in private, I am actually am VERY open to talking about problems and getting them solved. Of course, all of my mutuals share my opinion on speaking to each other about what’s bothering us, so it’s not to anyone. It’s more me being salty about the past. I have been asking people to tell me if there is something wrong and they want something tagged or want to run by me what I’m doing wrong to not make mistakes, so it is a show of my open nature about learning and improving myself. Once again, I have been asking one person to tell me if they’re uncomfy but they just vague blogged about me in the past so I’m kinda salty about that still. So, I am asking, freakin’ on my knees, for everyone to just come to my IMs and talk stuff out. Misunderstandings are so big and often on this website tbqh.

There are moment when I will not waste my time, specifically guilt tripping and anonymous hatred (not constructive criticism). But other than that? I am more than happy to speak face-to-face with people who want to figure out things around. I prefer to be honest about things that are happening around and I have things that may tick me off, I’ll do my best to explain what I like and dislike, and I’ll make sure to talk it out without making too much of a ruckus because I’m just tired. There have been times when I just needed someone to tag something simply because I wasn’t comfortable with topics discussed, so I’m very open. 

[americas-saboteur]

I promised Id do this, heres quick first thoughts

this is based on the cbs writeups, not on anything that has been recorded. its also not based on any reveals the tag has made, im not taking that into consideration as this isnt me deciding who to root for. because im not officially picking anyone yet. this will be 90% strategy, 10% "are they annoying"

Azah has a pretty solid strategy. I think if she can get a small loyal group together she could make it far. my big worry is the usual tbqh, that she will be targeted early because shes genuinely considering her own game. also thank you for the no showmances.

Christian annoys the fuck out of me already. i dont mind a sort of floater/rat strategy, but the way he answered makes me feel like hes making excuses already for not doing anything. i just....dont trust anyone who starts a strategy conversation with "I am a joy".

Hannah's answer is long and i dig it? i initially only got the first paragraph and wanted to write her off, but reading the whole thing...i think i could see myself doing something similar, so i like it a lot. I support tactful blood bathing.

Brent has a similar issue to christian. I dont HATE him, but it feels like hes going in with overconfidence. Overdoing it with proving you have charm buddy, and since thats your strategy i dont have much else to say....

Britini seems excited, which is cool. but it doesnt sound like she has a solid strategy other than "win comps, say im making moves" which...fine. im hoping its more of an "assess once we get in there" thing.

Derek F is smart in getting to know people personally. a personal connection makes it harder to vote someone out, so i have a lot more confidence in his confidence than other houseguests.

Frenchie....ok before we get into strategy, who the fuck describes themselves as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. who describes themselves as a nonsense word. already hate him for that. but beyond that, im glad he acknowledges that setting a strategy wouldnt benefit him right away. what does a farmer have to do with that? idk, but i hope he isnt horrible. glad he doesnt want to get famous, like i genuinely like when people make that point.

Travis kinda goes between Brent and Derek F for me. like his confidence doesnt feel forced, but it does feel overexplained. It sounds like the pranks might be part of strategy if hes putting the blame on other people, so as long as they arent annoying im ok with him.

Alyssa seems to want a well rounded game, but she feels like shes going to do a big group sort of thing. and i dont like that as a viewer. i worry that she would get lost in that group once the house gets more empty, so i guess we will see how that turns out. I dont get wanting first hoh or wanting to be like tyler, but i guess you do you.

Tiffany's strategy is short, sweet, and to the point. i dont have much to go on, but ngl her willingness to try slop could weirdly help her? theres almost nothing in the small sample of her bio, unlike the others i actually read the full one and i didnt get much more. im gonna pretend i didnt see her fave duo.

Xavier seems enthusiastic. smart to not want to win comps unless necessary, smart to not play personal. beyond that i dont have any strong thoughts

Claire is a fan and i love that. sounds like she knows what to say to excite other fans, the important strategy points to make the game better. i just hope she can actually deliver on these, that it doesnt backfire on anyone. also please cause disruptions, thats entertainment and can be strategic.

Sarah, if i remember, is the weeb people were talking about. which....love that, love seeing people who have similar interests to me in the game. but also im glad shes upfront and says the word "float". we know its not accidental, so i can respect it a lot more.

Whitney is pretty alright. i like that she wants to start strong, and that she doesnt have extreme details for a strategy, but i dont know what i think. Derek X could go either way. He looks like he could be fun, i genuinely hope he doesnt get lost in the crowd and eliminated early. His strategy is primarily social, but like in a more influential way and i hope he manages that tbqh.

Kyland seems prepared and enthusiastic, which is good. the specific references to different players strategies makes me more confident in him than others, like some people vaguely referenced another player, dropped a name, or mentioned them as a favorite, but hes pulling out specifics. my main worry is that he will play too hard too fast. or that he wont be able to deliver this (same worry as claire)

Overall im tired of seeing derrick and cody referenced in peoples bio but at the same time thats what cbs wants, so its what we get. and it makes sense, since they are part of the more modern game. as much as i love old school BB it makes sense to consider strategy from more recent stuff since you are more likely to experience those sorts of situations. being prepared is more important than getting old school points if you want to win. but gods i hate derrick and cody.

[musicdork]

ooooo here lemme send the clip the tik tok was referencing!! that itself is damn hilarious— https://youtu.be/mjC-KpbeOSQ

also honestly for a split second i’m like shit we ARE mutuals...right? so now i double check every time i send a message/read ur replies AAAAAAAAA LOL. and yo i hate to be such a dorky dork but honestly i want to go to the roman collesium just so i can aesthetically jojo pose at the top and take pics. like b r u h . tbh tho italy is very beautiful and warm and stoney on the ground. i bet youd b able to use some of ur italian if u go!! 🤠 have u ever traveled outside of the country?(assuming ur in the US right now lolz) if so where!!

so random but i jus saw that chocolate ice cream thread and like.......dont mean 2 butt in....no offense to op but chocolate ice cream is bomb as HELLLLLLL. like for real. its the best flavor. no exceptions. none

i see u ask for specification on what i plaaayyy::i am a pianist, percussionist, and singer-in-the-shower-ist🤪🤪 my major is a performance major(aka learning to professionally audition/prepare for chamber groups and orchestras as a career) w/ an emphasis on percussion. its v hard but if i ever make it to carnegie hall or something i will personally send u a vip ticket i promise<3

(also i’m barely passing this one class too LOL but YOU CAN DO IT u got school in the bag!!!! i believe in u!!! )

DONT B INTIMIDATED y u intimidated???? bc i can hit a cow skin cylinder to elicit noise from it?!?!?!! bc i play chopsticks with my two pointer fingers on the ivories??!?!!! half the time i play meme tunes to warm myself up on piano. u could pour soup in my lap and ill probably apologize to u. silly goose.

oh and what kind of plans are u setting out to do!! if u dont mind me asking😗✌🏼✌🏼 aint nothin wrong with a sleep day u gotta get ur rest. tho i do hope u can accomplish ur tasks soon :) did u eat anything yummy tonite??

ok ok k i hope u have a nice night u night owl. im boutta pass out tbh. —ur little sneaky stealthy pogchamp of an anon👾 (thx for that kakyoin vid btw :) made me blush tbqh) i hope u saw the lil josuke reblogs..maybe u did find me? altho i myself am not sure if u did or not..all in good time my pal. :)

OH I SAW THAT!! i think this is the first episode,,, he forgot to wash his h a n d s

bro if ur gonna jojo pose there pls take me with u hehe. i take good pictures i swear >:^ also ye I'm in the US i kinda assumed u were too??? djsns since you're only an hour behind! i have never,, been out of the States but boy do i want to!! im hoping to travel abroad my junior year!! or for a semester :) !! i just,, wanna travel,,, hhh

ALSO I LOVE U !!! THANK U!!! ty doesn't like it for some reason it makes me sad. but to each their own, u know?

how are u,, so damn cool i,, [ stares at hands ] u r so cool i, sobs sjsnsn have u played,,, giorno's theme at all..? while warming up... :0 my brain is too tired to think of other jojo themes hhh it be like that sometimes. but HEHE!! i get,, the Cool Guy access,,, fuck yeah 😤

what are my plans... wtf are my plans Uhm. my plans after school?? no fuckin clue but i have a feeling i just wanna Help ppl. plans for the day? im gonna play animal crossing for the first time in a while with my best bud. it's been Months since i last played oml 😭😭 i need to clean my island!! get rid of them weeds,, >:( idk how my villagers are tho,,, i hope they're okay lmaoo. but other than that I'll probably just fuck around on tumblr n my other socials :')

i might have,, gotten the josuke rbs,, if they were with other people then yes! you sneaky bastard :')) throwing me Off like that 😤 one was super painterly n it looked so Good!! everyone in the post did and hhhh why are they all pretty in their own right :( my heart can't take it 😞

dinner was good tho,, very yummy,, 10/10 would recommend. did u eat...and drink some sorta liquid? if not i,,, idk what I'll do but I'll do something!! >:(( i hope u have,, sweet dreams <3 dream of kakyoin for me,, and yourself, definitely urself hahah

[pxperhearts]

ok HERE WE GO, CID’S FUCKING HOUSE!!!

One thing I noticed as I’m snooping through the game is that every house is super detailed. Like, they put the bathrooms there. The kitchens that have their own rooms but that you can never go into because it’s just to show you that, yeah, there’s a kitchen back there that is feasibly used by this NPC who will never move from their spot. So, we can assume that what you see in Cid’s house is what you get. 

Cid’s house has: 1 tiny ass bathroom, 1 small room with a couch?? that looks like a makeshift bed (no wonder you have fuckin back problems), a kitchen & dining area, and a workshop area that, judging by the outside, might be some sort of shed/garage thing which explains why there’s a whole ass car in there. there’s also a lil miniature rocket!! and a gun, some tires, etc. looks like papers on the desk. definitely a work area. and !! it’s about the size of the dining room. obviously work area > bedroom. lbr, he likely just sleeps in that car sometimes or at his desk

I’m choosing to believe that Shera doesn’t live here with him. Which, tbqh, thank god??? Because I will be the first to tell everyone that he’s abusive af to her and she doesn’t deserve that, I don’t care about your goddamn dreams, cid. So she probably comes over a lot, I like to think the whole town is very close knit, but that maybe she sleeps at the inn or something. I like to believe free of charge cause they were all part of the crew and they’re all kinda like.... yeah he’s being an ass to you because he’s upset so dont worry about it, we couldn’t haven even gotten to launch day without you (me @ them: dont enable him). 

The drill arm weapon (for barret) is in the bedroom. there’s a vanity in there too and some stuff on the couch/bed. I guess like feasibly if Shera was there, that could be hers, but I just.. im so....yeugh about their relationship because he’s so verbally abusive to her, so I’d rather her not be there 24/7.

and then ofc, not pictured, there’s a...fenced backyard with the Tiny Bronco. I’m not sure why it’s fenced but ok

[maureenbrown]

very basic timeline of spy au

saphael past

simon gets assigned job by luke and says his goodbye to the sh gang (minus magnus for now?)

he flies over to raphs location and introduces hmself. and they meet and such.

so then its just super lowkey. simon makes contact with base to let them know hes okay

then they have dinner my god already so romantic i hate them

but then raphael leaves to see his lil bro (hes engaged!!) and to cover someones shift at work

he returns back to see simon still working bc “im a night owl” and then falls asleep on simon

simon smiles and gently closes his laptop and goes to sleep too. he drapes a blanket over them first and sets an alarm for raphael

raphael wakes up in the morning and has such a cheesy smile on his face like wth

but he gets up and then makes breakfast for him + simon for when he wakes and leaves

simon wakes up and is like?? what happened?? but sees the food and is like! AWWW

anyways he goes about his day but also gets kinda bored and he isnt sure where the tv remote is so he starts watching on his laptop

raphael walks in to see a nerdy boy crying as he yells “GO GET HIM” at his screen and is like??

simon tells him to come over obv. and raphael just says no and angrily stalks upstairs

and simon is curious. so he goes upstairs and is like what happened

and raphael doesnt say shit bc hes still a stranger

so simon just brings his laptop and he sits next to raphael even tho hes still at a distance they watch some movie

and honestly its so nice. and once again they fall asleep on each other.

anyways this adorable thing keeps continuing until THE FRIENDS come over

and simon is like!! gotta impress them even tho he and raph arent dating yet

but his friends come over for dinner and are all sizing up simon like. is he good enough and who tf is so special they would make raphael smile

they decide they like him. very much.

more just getting to know each other until one day simon is like. i want a tour of the city gimme

so thats what they do bc its raphaels day off or w.e.

and theyre going around and being SUPER cheesy but its fine. its not like raphael cares

theyre getting to know other random facts about each other like fave __ bc simon points to things and is like!!!!!!

then. they find vidia and just cant leave

he sits down and is like. i’ll wait for the parent to come so the baby isnt all alone

and raphael is about to say that no one is going to come this baby was/is abandoned

but he doesnt have the heart so he sits down next to him

is ofc v good with babies. simon is not but its fine

but it gets to be night and no one came but simon is adamant. so they stay ALL FUCKING NIGHT WITH THIS BABY (except for one time when they left to get food)

and again. no one comes so theyre about to leave but then raphael says fuck it and they take the baby with them (they’ll real with the legal stuff later)

and ofc simon is still simon so hes like. we need to name her, and also put up posters JUST in case

they do that. but for naming they are very very argumentative.

raphael says the last name is rose bc they found a rose next to her and she has such a nice rosy face and simon agrees

simon wants to name her something disney related like vidia [bc he saw it recently and it was THE BEST]

raphael is like no?? lets name her something proper.

they still argue but decide to call her vidia SOMETHING rose

w.e. they continue and then it hits simon...soon hes gonna leave

and he realizes he doesnt wanna leave. not raphael or vidia

anyways they keep tiptoeing around this love thing they have

and they keep falling for each other as time goes on

eventually one night vidia is sleeping and theyre just watching some show

and theyre cuddling and raphael just leans down and kisses the top of his head

and simon...doesnt move away

he looks up sure. and they make eye contact and slowly come in closer...theres music playing from the show...their lips meet...

they start a relationship

nothing really changes they just...kiss more

and then raphael is like?? i gotta take you on a proper date FUCK

so they go clubbing bc simon insisted

simon gets rlly drunk and like. hooks up with some guy he thought was raphael but in the morning realizes HE WASNT FUCK

he tries to play it off tho and lie to raphael

“i woke up in a parkng lot” or smth but he lies

he doesnt tell about his hooking up no....someone else does

and raphael gets SO angry

not at the hooking up but the lie and betrayal

he doesnt talk to simon for weeks

they have this weird relationship where they work together for vdia but not together...

it makes simon go crazy and he almost leaves

but he also gets sick of it so he gets raphael to talk

and they kinda make things better. they arent the same but they amend it a bit

then!! they also gotta go to a wedding (raphaels lil bro)

and simon is a p r o he gets the job DONE

he kills valentine and has a dance with raphael so a+ work tbqh

he lets his orginzaiton know. but asks for one more week to stay bc raphael

but then he overhears raphael talking [to camille whos also at the wedding] and learns that raphael is an assassin

but he refuses to believe it. he also goes home tho and the car ride is super awk but he refuses to believe it. or talk about it

when he gets home raphael goes into the shower and simon just. cant let go of the feeling. he goes into raphaels room and goes digging

finds a file. on him

raphael walks in and is like?? the hell are you doing but simon is so angry

he yells he screams he throws things and then he picks up vidia from the little crib and runs. just runs and runs.

he finds a bus stop and gets on it still running. from raphael. from everything.

he makes contact with lydia who get shim to a house

the end

the beginning

simon and vidia are chilling

when like simon gets scared suddenly and orders her to upstairs

its too fuckng late and someone breaks open the door

someone being raphael

vidia gets knocked out and when she comes to shes so ???

and raphael is cryptic like hello child who is my daughter

and vidia is just. not taking it. and is jsut really confused

but then a bomb suddenly goes off and simon thrusts her towards raphael

and they run

she gets knocked out for like the second time that day

when she finally comes to again raphael is bandaging himself up

(she is already bandaged up)

she demands to be let go and is just. no she doesnt know this person she needs to go save her dad

and he gives like a hallow laugh and tells her that there is no saving her dad

hes gone most likely

but vidia is still held in disbelief and just doesnt believe any ofit

in fact she doesnt even know whATS happening and so very slowly he tells her

well about the spying and that he and his father had a disagreement

(he doesnt say shit about camille)

she still is just very adamant on leaving and doesnt believe it (refuses to) and so she still demands to be freed

he frees her and lets her go

she walks around bandaged and so confused/lost as to where she is

she meets a nice lookng girl and asks for directions

the girl offers to how her the way and walks along with her

she asks what vidia is doing all alone and very hesitantly vidia just says that she + her dad got hurt and separated

they walk and the girl says that yeah shes an orphan too and you know. gets more information out of vidia

they get to the house [remains of the house] and just. everything is a mess

and she sees raphael arrogantly standing and is s o angry

and is about to tell him off

but all he does is hand her a file where there are actual pics + documents

and just. a part of vidia knows its makes sense with all the closed doors and whispers

and raphael also gently remains her that he’ll let her keep running if thats what she wants but he’ll still be following her/watching her

and vidia is just. really tired but shes also really curious and she kinda agrees

they go to the hq [aka hotel dumort] and vidia gets her own private room and wanders around for a bit

she gets so lost because everything is so big but finallly finds like. the kitchen and remembers oh shit i gotta eat

she eats

soon enough guess who comes strolling in?? lita

and vidia is so caught off guard and also so annoyed?? LIKE WTH

lita smirks and takes an apple watching her

she briefly explains with a smrik that shes a con artist. she knows how to manipulate and vidia get sso angry its so funny

i need more plot points but basically they train her and she gets to know lita + raphael and she finds out more about her past. and about the other relatives that know about it and is just so !? and then she also goes around stealing and fighting corrupt and fighting her father

[booabug]

while im tired spamming u all i wanna say it always kinda makes me blink to see  follower count in my activity page. cause i rly never expected to get above like, maybe a couple hundred. I don’t go off on milestones (other than 503 cause im edwin trash) cause every one of you choosing to make my silly posts part of your experience here means something to me.

esp since this blog’s increasingly my silly posts more than fanart reblogs, meta posts, or the little easily digestible bits of fun and fluff thats landed me on the main tag before. reading fic takes time (also i cry at ur kind comments idek what to say) and the rest is just me being me.

i might not know what exactly makes you special as an individual, but i know you’re an individual, you’re who you are, and thus singularly special.

for someone special to count this blog that ive just kinda ended up putting a lot of myself into as smth worth being a part of their life is rly cool tbqh. and hey, if it ever ends up being smth you aren’t into, do both of us a favour and hit that unfollow button. in all things, i hope you only make things you rly, truly feel are worth having in your life part of your life... but it can be tough. on this site at least, it doesn’t have to be.

i have no idea what im getting at here

oh btw i watched Night Is Short, Walk On Girl last night (dir. Masaaki Yuasa, easily one of my fave anime directors) would recommend checking if any cinemas near you are screening it and watching if you can. not for everyone, but def worth giving a shot. warning: some lewd comedy. but i was like ‘lol whatev’ and im a proper sort. [edit: reblogged a gifset and put some opinions in the tags like I have for film #anime recs before.]

PS some of you have spectacular usernames and i smile/snicker every time

[violet-amet]

too many god damn sub-mas thoughts. i didnt think the twins would invade and live in my mind like i dont have other things to worry about. but i guess i just wanna go on a spiel? maybe. personal thoughts and worries below.

how do i even begin? tbqh, i go on spiels about my favorite things, so i should had learned how to rn.

i suppose i can start off with the fact that im fucking worried that the separated twins story wont get resolved at all. i dont trust gamefreak to be able to complete it to its satisfying conclusion. the other is that im worried about the implications of having one twin back in time, because what does that mean about the future? think of fry from futurama being his own grandfather deal. thats kinda scary to me, ngl.

also the time and years one twin had been missing for. the photos that can be taken. idk why, i dont have a twin, but it makes me sad thinking about how one can possibly literally outgrow the other.

im so emotionally invested in these two, from a game aimed towards kids, of all things! i love them both so much, and i think they are funny little pixels, but the writing is just worrisome. just let them reunited gf! i want to see the funny muppet train men reunited, and look like each other! same age and all!

i mean, tbqh, i had an idea of how the other twin can arrive, and even introduce a mechanic for a dlc, which would add double battles. it does bother me a bit that the other “Trainers” can basically summon three poke at a time, and that you can get up in multi battles, so i assume that the twin can indeed help the protag summon two or more pokes. i think gf might find that hard to do tho.

but honestly, there is potential there. i want the twins to be together again. no more angst either! im tired of it!

but for now i can only really got to fan content, which is great! lots of good meals for me! but im just worried that the story just gets botched. it would be disappointing if that indeed happen. hhh.

[flamewyrmz]

a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan! 

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time. 

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

--

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH" 

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

--

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

--

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad. 

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it. 

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

--

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

--

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly? 

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

--

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here 

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!) 

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired) 

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug! 

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!) 

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!) 

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone? 

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham. 

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique). 

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

--

im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter. 

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here. 

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important. 

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here. 

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them. 

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there. 

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress) 

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept. 

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

--

and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

[heyitslapis]

Ok let's see... its been about 3 weeks since i posted last, give or take a few days. And I'll just say its been an interesting and exhausting few weeks.

Still trying to completely get over my dumbf*ck feelings for Alex. I'm not really doing a super great job at that, and still get random depressive moments that last a varying amount of time, but usually i just push my pity party to the side after about 2 minutes.

On the 3rd of June, Alex went up to see part of her family and join them on a cruise to Columbia. She said wont be back until maybe the 3rd or 4th of July at the earliest. I kinda miss her, but I feel like spending a month physically apart from her will do me some good. Her and i still snap back and fourth to save our streak and to day good morning. Whenever she cant find wifi, she turns on her dad's personal hotspot so she can send me at least one snap to keep our streak rolling (we are the longest streak we have with anyone on our snapchats, and it stands currently at 261 days.) The day after she left the streak sorta died for the day, but she was able to save it cause she was in a different time zone.

Since she's been gone, we've hired several new people at work, many if which being new hosts (thank God tbh, cause this means after theyre all done training and get a couple weeks to get used to everything i can train as a server and hopefully make a little more money). One of them is Giovanni's sister (Gio is a guy that works there. Mostly does dish, sometimes hosts.) And apparently she likes me? About a week before she started they came in to eat with their mom and after they left Gio was like "Dude, i think my sister likes you."

Hey, some random girl actually has a crush on me for the first time in my life? That's cool! Right? It would be, if she weren't 17. If i were still 18 or 19, i wouldnt really care. But now that im 20, even though we only have a 2 year and almost 6 month age difference, i still feel like its weird. I feel like im in a whole new age threshold now that ive hit that 2 decade mark, and she just seems to me like a kid. Anyway, Sammy (thats her) is bi with a preference for girls. She's very forward about asking the girls at work about their sexuality (she'll be mid convo and just be like "wait; you straight?") She makes a hobby of flirting with the straight girls, because as she says it, she can easily flirt with straight girls bc she knows she wont have a chance. As soon as she knows theyre bi or gay, she cant even really talk to them. Sammy flirts with me in excess, has asked me 3 times if im straight, or if im sure that i am (homegirl has only been here like two weeks), and the reason why is because she would happily let me break her heart, and has said thats its too bad im not gay bc if i was she would let me crush her. Also has told me that i remind her of her ex girlfriend, and when i said idk if thats supposed to be a compliment or not, she said "well i really liked her, so..." Oh and btw all 3 times shes asked, I've told her im straight (yknow, bc im not out to the irl general public) and I'll just say that having to lie outloud about my sexuality does not feel that great. Thats not something ive ever had to verbally do before, and now i understand. Tbh i dont really lie, or at least i very rarely do, bc i dont like it, and i want to be seen as trustworthy. i have told my share of lies in my day, but i feel like that was in the top 3 worst lies ive ever told. Simply because i know thats not who i am, yet im saying it anyway.

Besides that, in these last couple weeks ive:

Gotten my computer hacked and almost got scamed out of the piddly $120 dollars total that is in my bank account for me to try to live off of until next Fridays paycheck, and almost got my brother's bank account hacked (looong f*ckin story. Short version, im a gotdang fool, and people are absolute bastards), so now i cant use my computer until i get it looked at, which means no art (sucks bc i wanted to draw myself a bi pride icon)

Put in 103 hours at work in the last 2 weeks

Had our only available car break down twice

Got about half of our kitchen painted. Still need to find time to finish it

Purchased tickets for a convention, and bought almost everything i need to finish my cosplay.

Have a sore in the back of my mouth thats been plaguing me for over a week (finally starting to heal. Its been hurting to do so much as talk, much less eat or drink)

Had to deal with everyone's attitudes at work (some sh*ts going on with the moon and everyones been a pissy ass lately, and im so over it)

The pain in the ass girl at work that we've been trying to get rid of for over a year called in and quit 15 minutes before her literal last shift (Father's day) and our proprietary manager told her "its bullshit that you just found out that your other job scheduled you to work today 15 minutes before you had to come here" and "dont try to come back to this store again". Im ecstatic about it tbqh and feel a small sense of victory about the whole thing.

One of my favorite gays from work had his last shift Saturday night and im still sad about it.

It may not seem like much but its just all around every other day something else small happened to add to the weird and crazy smorgasbord that is my life.

Also bless Sammy bc yesterday was Father's Day, and because of that, i was in the building of my work at 9:45am, started working to get set up at 10, opened around 10:50, and didnt stop until about 8:50pm, 10 minutes before we closed. Our proprietary manager bought us tons of pizza and snacks in the middle of our shift so that we could all take turns having a 10 minute breather, but other than that it was non-stop work and dedication to the customer. At 9:50am my brother went to the Duncan Donuts down the road from us to get the handful of morning people either coffee or bagels or whatever they asked for. I told my brother to get me the english muffin with egg and cheese, and if they had the option, to add sausage to it. Also to tell Sammy i said hi (because she works at that Duncan also, and was there yesterday morning). My brother comes back with breakfast, hands me my food and said that Sammy made it especially for me. (At that time i was also in a bad mood bc i was tired from working four open doubles in a row, and was stressed, so that really lifted my spirits a bit. The food, and the thought that someone made it especially for me.) And i'll just say she just earned my love for the next week at least.

Anyway i think thats all for now loves. I dont have a very eventful life, but i sure do have a busy one.